Oct. 12, 2010

the

Scribe

October 12 to October 18, 2010 [Volume 35; Issue 7]

There’s

Help.

page 6 & 7

Inside this issue...

With the arrival of fall, peaches - and the ways to enjoy them - are plentiful. (page 8)

National Coming Out Day experiences record attention at UCCS (page 5)

Club Hockey (page 11)

editorial We’re only as sick as our the scribe secrets (part two of two)

October 12 to October 18

Page 2

Editor-in-Chief Avalon Manly n The Golden Gate Bridge was built in 1937, designed to withstand 100-mile per hour winds and capable of swaying up to 27 feet sideways to resist the shocks of earthquakes.

It is a marvel of modern construction and deliberation, a monument to human ingenuity and accomplishment.

It is also the world’s number one suicide destination.

It takes four seconds to fall the 250 feet into the freezing, polluted water below.

And with railings only four feet high, plunging from its edge is relatively easy.

It’s so easy, in fact, that more than 1,300 people have taken their lives by stepping from its edge.

Of all those people, only 26 survived.

All 26 survivors reported that at about 83 feet from impact, or two-thirds of the way down, they realized that all the reasons they had for trying to kill themselves were, in fact, surmountable.

Their problems were temporary and resolvable – it just took a 167-foot fall for them to see that for themselves.

Many survivors of attempted suicide experience that same sequence of thought – but such knowledge is less widely known than stories of suicide itself, because the media covers suicides more often than suicide attempts.

As a person, that knowledge makes me sad; as a reporter, I understand – because being a person and being a reporter are two very different things.

UCCS was struck last month by the heartbreaking actions of a desperate young man who felt as trapped as a person can ever be. As a person, I was deeply saddened

by Jerrod Elsemore’s suicide, and wondered how to respond to those who knew him.

As an editor and reporter, however, I faced a very different dilemma: I had to decide whether to cover Elsemore’s death fully, noting his decision to end his own life, or to publish only that he had passed away, and that he would be missed.

This decision is never an easy one in media, especially as a college newspaper, because of something called the Werther Effect.

In 1774, Johann Wolfgang von Goethe published a novel called “The Sorrows of Young Werther,” in which the protagonist shoots himself. Shortly after its publication, reports of young male suicides by firearm rose steeply – the numbers were so shocking that the book was even banned in a few places in an attempt to stem the deaths.

The Werther Effect was dubbed to explain the many instances of copycat suicides that generally occur following high-profile, widelypublicized suicides, particularly those of celebrities.

Such suicides are often committed by a similar method and by those in the same demographic as the deceased celebrity.

Copycat suicides are blamed almost entirely on the media – and in that category, primarily on print.

Some studies have even shown a correlation between the numbers of newspapers featuring stories on highprofile suicides distributed in any given area and the spike in suicides in the surrounding area.

The Werther Effect explains copycat suicides as the result of glorifying, sensationalizing or paying otherwise disproportionate attention to instances of high-profile suicide.

Measures have been taken all over the world in the hopes of downplaying the possible consequences of the Werther Effect. In Norway, for instance, journalistic codes dictate that events of suicide or attempted suicide should not be covered at all.

In Turkish media, any visual

coverage of suicide is forbidden, from photographs to film.

Here in the U.S., it is generally considered good form to run articles about suicide without art of any kind, and to mention only that the person in question was a victim of suicide, but not the method by which that came to pass.

At the high school and college levels, it is widely held that suicide should not be addressed at all; rather, writers brush by the information of a student’s death right into noting the time and place of the funerary rites.

As a journalist, that method never sat right with me. I felt it an injustice to the student body if I ignored the situation surrounding the death of one of our own, and let rumors sprout around such dark events simply because I did not include all the information available.

I am, in those feelings, a member of the minority, because no matter how you spin it, the Werther Effect remains a dire concern.

Some reporters whose opinions and experience I value highly have advised me over the years that suicide is just something you don’t touch.

After much deliberation and council, therefore, we at The Scribe came to the decision that keeping information in the dark was potentially more damaging than releasing it.

We understood, though, that addressing suicide alone was not an option, because it reads as a dead end, with no assistance in how to cope.

On pages six and seven, therefore, you will find a wealth of information about suicide, from the signs preceding its execution to the many resources available here in Colorado Springs to help those who may be struggling.

I hope and pray that it is enough, because I do not know how else to help.

The 1973 movie “The Lost Horizon” has provided me with a closing statement.

As one character said to another, so I say to you, UCCS: “You are in the midst of life.

Do not seek death; it will find you. But choose the road that makes death a fulfillment.”

The official student newspaper of the University of Colorado at Colorado Springs

Editor-in-Chief.........................................Avalon Manly Managing Editor........................................Jessica Lynch Business Manager................................Robert Rodriguez Advertising/Sales Manager..........................Luis Hidalgo News Editor.........................................Catherine Jensen Culture Editor.........................................Brock Kilgore Athletics Editor......................................Matt Crandall Opinion/Scribble Editor..............................Jasen Cooper Photograhy Editor.................................Ariel Lattimore Copy Editor.............................................Cherise Fantus Web Designer...........................................Dorian Rogers Layout Designers..........................................J.D. Osorio ....................................................................Shreya Raj Reporters...................................................Alex Cramer Photographers.....................................Carrie Woodruff ...........................................................Chelsea Bartlett .............................................................Michelle Wood Junior Reporters.........................................J.P. Niehaus .................................................................Amanda Putz ................................................................Kristin Garst ............................................................Ryan Piechowski ...................................................................Amy Koumis ...................................................................Ryan Adams ...............................................................Corey Mensing Contributors...........................................Steven Farrell Cartoonist............................................................Arno Distributor...........................................Donald Trujillo Advisor.....................................................Laura Eurich -----------------Cover photo by Michelle Wood-----------------The Scribe UC 106 (719) 255-3658 | (719) 255-3469 | (719) 255-3600 www.uccsscribe.com | scribe.eic@gmail.com

Information Letters to the Editor The Scribe strongly encourages letters to the editor. Letters intended for publication must not exceed 350 words, must be legible and include the writer’s name and contact information. Letters must be submitted to The Scribe via email at scribe.eic@gmail.com by 5:00 p.m. on Thursdays before publication.

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October 12 to October 18

student life

all aboard

the

failboat Attention Student Actors

The Thin Air Theatre Company of Cripple Creek’s Butte Opera House is holding auditions for their winter show, “Angel of the Christmas Mine.” The cast calls for adults and children alike, and actors will be paid full professional wages. Auditions will be Oct. 17 and 18. Contact the Thin Air Theatre Company at (719) 689-3247 (877) 689-6402 or visit butteoperahouse.com for details.

Page 3

Meanwhile, in Boulder, the Zombie Apocalypse is upon us Last week in Boulder, Colo., a man mistook a Longemont police officer for a blood-thirsty zombie. Brandon Duke, 22, appeared in court on Friday and pleaded not guilty by reason of insanity. According to The Longemont Times Call, Duke was under arrest for an outstanding warrant in May. Terrified of his undead attacker and trying to protect himself, Duke shot at the police officer, missing repeatedly. In response, the officer shot at Duke, hitting him in both the torso and his arm. Duke is scheduled for a psychological evaluation and will appear in court again to plead his case of outright insanity again on Dec. 3.

Is there also a bargraph chronicling the rise in STDs at Duke?

Duke graduate Karen Owen took the casual hookup to a whole new level in her thesis-driven PowerPoint presentation. Rightfully named “Horizontal Academics,” Owen detailed her trysts in the sack with some of Duke’s leading athletes. While Owen never intended for her report to leak to the public, after a few close friends hit “forward,” her report became a viral sensation. Owen detailed her encounters with 13 athletes, the majority being Duke Lacrosse players, and provided pictures, descriptions and an overall assessment of their effectiveness in bed. She even created a bar graph of their sexual aptitude. While Owen regrets her 42-page pamphlet now, she is currently one of the most popular authors in the country. And so, we tip our hats to you.

FTW

“Today, while taking a shower, I thought that the bathroom was extra steamy because of all the hot water. It wasn’t until two-three minutes later when I put some shampoo in my hair that I realized I had forgotten to take my glasses off. “ -- Courtesy of www.fmylife.com

Fill out the sudoku puzzle below so that each row and column contain the numbers 1 through 9 with none repeated. Return it and the adjacent crossword to the Scribe office when finished; if you’re the first one done (and they’re done right), you’ll be entered into a drawing for two free tickets to the Haunted Mines.

news October 12 to October 18

Page 4

The news in brief UCCS student aids family after car crash

In Memoriam: Stephan Wilson On Oct. 1, Stephan Wilson, 32, was found dead in his Rockrimmon condominium by the property manager, who came to check in after receiving noise complaints from a stereo or TV. Wilson was a full-time, sophomore-level student in the economics program.

“I had [Wilson] in my class when I taught the Summer ’08 INFS Class at UCCS. I really enjoyed having [him] as a student and talking to him both inside and outside of class,” said Brad Cuppy.

“Stephan was our neighbor,” said Kimberly Eyre, “He always had a kind word and a beautiful smile. He went out of his way to help in any way he could. He will be missed.”

Colorado Springs Police Department Sergeant Steve Noblet explained that his death was “definitely a homicide;” the cause of death, “ruled a gunshot wound to the head.” Wilson is the 18th homicide in Colorado Springs this calendar year, and the fifth death in that same time to closely affect UCCS students, staff and faculty.

“We’re investigating,” assured Noblet, though no other information regarding CSPD’s leads was released by press time.

- Scribe Staff

Student Ciara Peratt had just gotten off work on Tuesday, Oct. 5 when she ran into an accident. In the intersection at Meadow Lane and Austin Bluffs Parkway, a woman with two young children got out of a crashed mini-van.

When she noticed that one of the children was injured, Peratt sprang into action. According to Peratt she was the only one on the scene who wasn’t in the accident.

The mother was frantically leading a 7-year-old girl and an 18-month-old boy was in her arms. “The first think that came into my head was that I should help,” said Peratt. Peratt took an extra t-shirt from her backpack and used it to apply pressure to the wound. She then led the woman and children to the curb where she sat with them until the police came. “I guess I was in the right place at the right time. I am just glad I was able to do something,” Peratt said.

Campus haunted house shut down by CSPD

WTC artifact as Engineering senior project

cjensen2@uccs.edu

S

In a public ceremony at 12:15 p.m. on Friday in the El Pomar Center Plaza, an eight-foot-long, 750-pound steel beam that was once a part of the World Trade Center will be unveiled at UCCS. The beam has been housed in the Science and Engineering Building for the last few weeks, but this week, ownership of the beam is being transferred from National Homeland Defense Foundation President Don Addy to Russell Wilson of Cheyenne Mountain Air Station. In advance of this ceremony, senior students in the engineering program have been given their capstone project: designing a 9/11 monument using the beam to be displayed at the Cheyenne Mountain Air Base, with a duplicate or companion piece housed here on campus. Explained Associate Professor of Engineering Peter Gorder, “The 9/11 attacks were a defining moment for our country and, in particular, the generation that are currently students at UCCS. The task the design team will have is to form a larger design committee to engage artists, consultants and many others to help with the creation of something truly monumental.”

S

Apine Village adds bear-proof Dumpsters A bear’s nose is 25 times more sensitive than a dog’s.

Due to lack of rain and available bear food, campus dumpsters have seen an increase in wildlife traffic.

According to University Center Director Jeff Davis, “the bear sightings were the impetus” behind the recent move to install Dumpster “gravity locks.” Costing a one-time fee of $100 per bin to install, the gravity locks are on two Dumpsters at Alpine Village, one near residential dining and one by the University Center. Davis, who is in charge of all auxiliary buildings, pushed for the upgrades after years of perpetual bear sightings and the safety of students on campus. The gravity locks keep the Dumpster grounded and the lid permanently closed to bears. “Bears are opportunistic; they don’t stick around if they can’t get in.” According to Public Safety Chief of Police Jim Spice, there have been two bear sightings so far this semester. Davis hopes that the Dumpster changes will deter wildlife, bears in particular, from pursuing meals comprised of college leftovers.

Catherine Jensen

On Oct. 7 student group Students Today, Alumni Tomorrow (STAT) held their second annual Haunted Forest on the bluffs behind Main Hall.

The event became the first event in UCCS history to be shut down by authorities when Colorado Springs Police (CSP) was called due to a noise complaint.

The tour began in Main Hall and the students were lead by volunteer tour guides on the path behind the dorms and into the forest where they were met by volunteer zombies, clowns and a chainsawwielding maniac.

According to STAT president Joe Griebel, 150 students made it through the forest and when it was shut down there were still 50 at the gate.

Griebel said he and his vice-president were in the

woods when they saw two white cars pull into the parking lot from afar.

“When we approached them they put their lights on us and we were dressed all in black, we probably looked pretty sketch,” said Griebel.

Two CSPD and two UCCS campus cars were present which Griebel said was surprising.

“We filed the paperwork with public safety a month before the event and told the officer who

let us into main hall what was going on and he said he would tell the rest of those on duty.”

Though the event was shut down half an hour early, Griebel remained optimistic, “It was unfortunate that we had to turn people away but four years ago we were struggling to get people come to events, so this was an amazing turn out. I hope this doesn’t discourage people from attending events in the future.” S

Heller Center debuts garden Amanda Putz aputz@uccs.edu The Heller Food and Native Plant Garden is focused on benefitting student health and spirituality.

Located adjacent to the Heller Center, the garden is worked on and enjoyed by UCCS students.

Despite nibbling deer and water issues, the garden has remained resilient and is producing lettuce, carrots, potatoes, cucumbers, dill, radishes and corn. Most recently,

vegetables from the garden were served at the Sept. 23 Harvest Moon Dinner.

According to Colorado certified gardener Judith Rice-Jones, “We are hoping to work with students in VAPA (Department of Visual and Performing Arts) to design sculptural trellis for climbing vegetables as well as for seating and potential pergola in the garden.”

At the heart of this garden, however, are efforts to improve student well-being. “We now know that Vitamin D is extremely important for

our health and probably the reason that many who came here with TB (Tuberculosis) were cured long before the advent of antibiotic,” said Jones. One cause of TB is a low immune system; consequently then, spending time in fresh mountain air is beneficial for more than one reason. Vitamin D deficiencies are at a high; because of this, students are encouraged to get out and soak up the sun’s generous UV-B rays. The Native Plant Garden offers students an outlet for relaxation and good health. S

S

OSA challenge invites pumpkin creativity

In response to the Halloween season, the Office of Student Activities is hosting a three-level pumpkin competition open to all UCCS students. The first level requires participants to put their artistic talents to the ultimate test and carve a pumpkin to be displayed in the University Center during the last week of October. For those less capable, crude triangle eyes and toothy grinned pumpkins are welcome to compete. The second level involves edibility; participants will compete by making their pumpkins into delectable treats. Lastly, on Oct. 29, a pumpkin pie eating contest will be held outside the bookstore. Students with pit-less stomachs and an insatiable hunger for pumpkin are encouraged to skip breakfast and indulge. The first place winner will be rewarded a $75 gift card to the Sunbird Café. For further questions, contact OSA at 255-3540 or at ecampos@ uccs.edu.

S

- Scribe Staff

Photo by Brock Kilgore

The Heller Food and Native Plant Garden provided a healthy array of produce for the Harvest Moon Dinner

October 12 to October 18

news

Page 5

UCCS celebrates National Coming Out Day Ryan Piechowski rpiechow@uccs.edu Oct. 11 marked National Coming Out Day, a highly celebrated day both worldwide and here on the UCCS campus. This Thursday, Oct. 14, beginning at 11:00 a.m., UCCS’ SPECTRUM will host a day-long celebration of events and festivities to honor the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex, queer, questioning, asexual and ally community (LGBTIQQAA). Located in the Upper Plaza, SPECTRUM hopes to generate understanding of and encouragement for the LGBTIQQAA community.

At 8:00 p.m., the Queer Student Union will host an after party at the newly

renovated Clyde’s on the first floor of the University Center.

National Coming Out Day is an internationally recognized day designed to support the LGBTIQQAA community as well as provide general education to facilitate greater understanding and openness. SPECTRUM President Jarod Gray explained the importance of National Coming Out Day at UCCS by saying, “We use the event/day as a way to promote inclusiveness and promote the true ideology of multicultural community.” Gray continued, “It’s special because it’s a day where people of the LGBTIQQAA community can be recognized and feel good about who they are.”

The main goal, accord-

ing to Gray, is to keep the campus educated about the importance of brotherand sisterhood throughout our university, regardless of gender, race or sexual orientation. Gray believes the university needs a day like this to “help the UCCS community learn more about the LGBTIQQA community and empoAwer them to not be tolerant but to be inclusive.”

These ideas encompass National Coming Out Day, not only here on campus, but worldwide in countries such as Germany, Canada and Poland. This day represents an opportunity for members of the LGBTIQQAA community to openly and fearlessly express themselves.

The recent teen suicides by young gay men have

impacted SPECTRUM and the day’s events.

With five reported cases of suicide directly linked to sexual prejudice and discrimination in the past three weeks, SPECTRUM will be holding a memorial service to honor those lost and emphasize the need for change in this country.

Additional information and support services for those in attendance will be provided.

According to SPECTRUM Events Coordinator Todd Dionson, it is important for UCCS to join in on the festivities.

He explained, “There are a lot of students on campus that might need help coming out and we want to show them that there is an incredibly supportive community here for them

and that UCCS as a whole is a welcoming, accepting campus.”

The road to acceptance has not been without obstacles, however. Just last year SPECTRUM faced set-backs that threatened the successful planning of the event.

Efforts to raise funds were challenged and discouraged as well.

Through these complications, SPECTRUM has continued to work on and plan for National Coming Out Day. SPECTRUM members are determined to make an impact and ensure a successfully run event. With help from Daniel Garcia, student government association president, the National Coming Out Day festivities are set to go on without a hitch. S

• During the day’s events, located next to the SPECTRUM table, the UCCS’ PRIDE faculty group will be collecting students’ personal stories of exclusion, as they have done in previous years.

• In honor of National Coming Out Day, PRIDE has also organized a panel forum and free screening of the award winning new film, “Two Spirits” on Oct. 15 in Dwire 121. Directly translated, “two spirit” describes a person whose body has both a masculine and feminine spirit.

Columbine Hall: A safe place for all to pee Kristin Garst

kgarst@uccs.edu Gender neutral restrooms were introduced to the UCCS campus in response to and in order to meet part of the Americans with Disabilities Act, (ADA) added on Nov. 12, 2003. Keri Smith, program coordinator of the LGBT Resource Center at M.O.S.A.I.C., explained, “[Gender neutral restrooms] are a matter of privacy, convenience, accessibility, personal hygiene, safety and acceptance.”

Several halls have introduced these restrooms to ensure equality and inclusiveness on campus.

The introduction of gender neutral restrooms solidifies the school’s stance on acceptance and understanding.

Smith continued, “Introducing gender neutral bathrooms is a way to show our desire to make our campuses more inclusive.”

Smith also emphasized the importance of safety and said, “The University is currently registered on safe2pee.org.”

Safe2pee.org is a resource for anyone looking for a gender neutral restroom. By typing in your location, the website locates the safest restrooms nearest you. This is a valuable website for anyone who needs the safety of a gender neutral restroom.

There are 13 gender neutral bathrooms on

campus and Columbine hall houses eight of these restrooms. These restrooms are located on each floor in the faculty offices. There are five other restrooms on campus; these are spread throughout Alpine Village, the Recreation Center, the Heller Center and University Hall. These restrooms are marked by small signs with a wheel chair and the word “restroom.” Pictures of men and women do not exist.

Many students think this is a great addition to campus because it is a safe alternative to traditional gendered bathrooms. An anonymous student explained, “I feel more secure when I am able to use a gender neutral restroom, I also feel safer and less ashamed of my sexuality when I have a private place to do my business.”

While these bathrooms benefit the gay and lesbian communities, as Smith emphasized, “They are [also] built for the differently abled students at UCCS; disabled students can use them, students can also use them if they have a [medical] accident and of course for the gay and lesbian community.”

These bathrooms provide greater privacy than normal same-sex bathrooms because of their structure and location.

Smith added,” They are a great resource for anyone who wants to use them.” S

Photo by Michelle Wood Emily McBride utilizes one of the gender neutral restrooms in Columbine.

special report

Page 6

The

October 12 to October 18

of

StorySuicide

Editor’s Note In light of recent events at UCCS, The Scribe has published these pages in an attempt to help those on campus who may be struggling with issues surrounding or otherwise relating to suicide. Remeber: There is help.

By Jessica Lynch, Catherine Jensen & Avalon Manly | Photos by Michelle Wood On Sept. 15, UCCS freshman Jerrod Elsemore took his own life.

That same day, 22-year-old Marc Henning, a senior at the Air Force Academy, hung himself and died the following day in the hospital.

Four days after that, Broncos’ wide-receiver Kenny McKinley was found dead in his home, a gunshot wound to his head.

Last week, a Colorado Springs woman shot and killed her two teenage children before turning the weapon on herself.

In the U.S., suicide takes the lives of nearly 31,000 Americans every year and is the third leading cause of death for 15- to 24 yearolds, according to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention.

More people die from suicide than from accidents involving motor vehicles.

More than one suicide happens every five minutes and 10 times that many people attempt it.

Males take their lives nearly four times more often than females.

Of all these deaths, depression is the common denominator.

Colorado and suicide Colorado is no stranger to sui-

cide. Based on a 2006 nationwide study, Colorado perpetually ranks in the top 10 for suicide rates.

With 15.8 suicides per 100,000 people in 2006, Colorado had the seventh highest rate.

Since then, rates have skyrocketed and based on results given by the Colorado Health and Environment, 2009 marked the state’s highest suicide rate since 1988. A shocking 18.4 suicides per 100,000 people was recorded and an alarming number of deaths by suicide, 940, were documented.

A federal study showed that Colorado teens top the nation in depression. Based on a 2007 National Association of County & City Health Officials report, among the 54 largest urban areas in the U.S., Colorado Springs is second only to Las Vegas in suicide rates. In 2004, the report hypothesized that 26 of every 100,000 people killed themselves in Colorado Springs. While Las Vegas has one of the highest mortality rates, at the time of this study, Colorado Springs was only No. 33 in that category.

Last year, in El Paso County alone, 172 deaths were attributed to suicide, recorded the El Paso County Coroner’s office. These numbers do not include suicides occurring on military bases.

These high numbers, according to Janet Karnes, Director of the Suicide Prevention Partnership of the Pikes Peak Region, are unexplainable, “until a study involving all the variables is conducted.”

She further explained, “The Rocky Mountain region has a high [suicide] rate in part because of the high gun ownership and the ‘pull yourself up by your bootstraps’ mindset.” There is less reliance on therapists, she furthered, and a lack of mental health services, especially if you don’t have insurance. Consequently, people in need of immediate help face long waiting lists.

A recent study links high suicide rates in this region to altitude.

According to Perry F. Renshaw, a professor at the University of Utah School of Medicine, “…the risk of suicide increases by nearly one third…at 6,500 feet above sea level.”

People with problems such as depression living in this region are at a higher risk due to the effects of metabolic stress associated with inadequate oxygen intake, the study extrapolated.

While ultimately inconclusive, the study raises important questions for young people and the steadily increasing rates in Colorado.

No suicidal ‘type’ The greatest, most obvious symptom of suicide is depression, Karnes explained. “A change in behavior, they might isolate themselves, sleep differently, not sleep enough,” are all signs, she said. Ultimately, it’s a “sense of hopelessness and helplessness. People think ‘Nobody can help me.’”

According to SAFE:TEEN, suicidal talk is a cry for help. A depressed person, they explain, may lose interest in daily activities, seem more moody than usual, and might gain or lose weight suddenly, or either eat constantly or turn from food completely. If someone talks or jokes about suicide, feels like they can’t “keep it together,” loses interest in how he or she looks, gives away belongings or gets unusually angry or violent, their situation needs to be taken seriously and help needs to be received immediately.

There is no suicide “type,” and anyone can become suicidal.

Suicides do not happen without warning; there are always signs: Suicide is a permanent solution

to what is usually a solvable, temporary problem.

Saving a life is more important than keeping a secret.

The first step While mental health funding is lacking nationwide, the Colorado Springs region continues to offer services to those in need. Treatment, however, begins with the involvement of a friend.

As Karnes explained, “You

“Saving a life is more important than keeping a secret.” need to ask them the big question. This usually doesn’t make them angry like many believe.

You need to ask, ‘Are you thinking of suicide?’ If they say, ‘Yes,’ the first thing to do is take a deep breath and listen. Ask them what is causing them so much pain.

Remember, suicide is not the problem, it’s the perceived solution. That will help you calm down.”

It is important to show concern and support, encourage them to seek help and suggest alternatives. Do not act shocked and do not point out to them how much better off they are than others, as this will increase feelings of guilt

and worthlessness, Suicide Prevention Partnership explained.

“Get them help immediately.

You should go with them; don’t leave them alone,” she continued.

Located on N. Tejon Street, Suicide Prevention Partnership offers educational prevention workshops to anybody, anywhere. Interventions are available, and by calling 596-LIFE you can speak directly with a trained professional. For friends unable to ask the big question, they will do it for you.

Shared guilt “People who die by suicide are in great pain, trying to end pain and it’s the only way,” Karnes said.

For people dealing with the loss of friends or family members to suicide, Karnes explained, “[Successful suicides] happen; you tried.”

While you may be wrought with guilt, “You showed them you cared. Guilt won’t do you any good.”

Teen HEARTBEAT is an organization comprised of support for teens who have lost a loved one through suicide. It is designed to help absorb the impact of suicide in a teen-safe environment and help one another toward healthy resolution of the grief.

There is nothing easy about the aftermath of suicide; pay attention to the signs, take things seriously, ask the hard questions.

Do not let another person slip through the cracks. Ultimately, however, remember that you are not responsible for another’s actions, and that we can only do as much as we can do.

Suicide Prevention and Intervention Workshop In the hopes of providing help to students, staff or faculty struggling with issues of or relating to suicide, The Scribe and SGA are hosting a Suicide Prevention and Intervention Workship.

The Suicide Prevention Partnership in Colorado Springs will be there to speak about signs of suicidal behavior, how to approach the issue of suicide with loved ones about whom you may be concerned and to provide connections to resources in the city for counseling and other assistance.

When: Friday, Oct. 22, 6:30 p.m.

Where: U.C. 302 (U.C. Theater)

October 12 to October 18

special report

UCCS Counseling Center offers 9 to 5 support The University Counseling Center (UCC), in Main Hall 324, presents currently enrolled UCCS students with on-campus mental health services, ranging from crisis care to shortterm psychotherapy.

Director Zekiye Benek Altayli, a doctor of psychology, heads the center. All six clinicians are trained to counsel across “background, gender, ethnicity, or sexual orientation,” said Administrative Assistant David Richardson.

The UCC, which charges $20 per session ($10 with established financial need), is open not only to students, but also to family, friends or faculty the student may want to include in their treatment.

Some of the more common issues that students seek to address via the counseling center are: depression; anxiety; drug and alcohol abuse; appetite, eating and weight issues; sleep problems; coping with stress; suicidal and homicidal thoughts; intrusive thoughts; seeing and hearing things others do not seem to hear; the feeling of

being watched all the time; fears; low self esteem; relational problems with family, friends or a partner; test anxiety; academic issues or sexual abuse, noted Altayli and Richardson in an email interview.

In most instances, the UCC assumes that students seeking help will require short-term psychotherapy.

Due to the high demand for its services, the UCC has a waitlist that is constantly in flux, sometimes weeks long, and therefore urges students who may require counseling to contact the center immediately and receive help as soon as possible.

For students who may need immediate counseling, the UCC offers walkin counseling at any point during office hours. Crisis counseling is a one-time service; if the student requires additional prompt help, the UCC can refer them to outside, community facilities.

After hours, said Richardson, UCCS Public Safety answers all crisis calls, and “the on-call clinician is available to come to campus

at all times,” if campus police determine such action is necessary.

Although the center adheres to a strict policy of confidentiality, there are certain instances which clinicians are required by Colorado law to report.

“If a clinician deems that there is a risk of a client hurting themselves or others, if there is reason to believe a third party is planning to hurt anyone, or if an elder or minor is being abused or neglected, the University Counseling Center is required to report this to the proper authorities,” explained Richardson.

If a student chooses to sign a certain release, the UCC sometimes works with the Office of Student Success to share information with faculty to help explain personal issues that might be interfering with the student’s academic success; however, all personal and counseling information is closely guarded and this can only be done with express written consent from the student.

The UCC also offers consultations to students, faculty and staff about a range of issues, from concerns about a friend or family member who seems depressed, to how to respond to people with psychological problems, to how to refer someone to therapy, according to the UCCS website. Anyone wishing to make use of this service can call the UCC during business hours and discuss the issue with Altayli or other staff member. This conversation may result in a face-to-face interaction at the center, possibly involving the person about whom the caller is concerned, if appropriate, as part of the mediation service also offered by the UCC. Altayli expounded, “The main reason we are in this field is to help students fulfill their academic and personal potential. …When we see that our students overcome whatever problem they came in with, which initially appeared or felt impossible, we receive a surge of motivation that keeps us going.”

LGBT youth more likely to commit suicide As of July, six gay youth have committed suicide across the nation, making it apparent that bullying and harassment are widespread problems.

Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender (LGBT) youth are up to four times more likely to attempt suicide than their heterosexual peers, according to the Massachusetts 2007 Youth Risk Survey.

The Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network (GLSEN) was created in 1990. At the time of its creation there were only two Gay-Straight Alliance groups in the nation. GLSEN works to promote education and awareness and create safe schools.

The 2009 National Climate Survey conducted by GLSEN reports that out of 7,261 students, only 18 percent said their schools had an all-inclusive program addressing anti-gay bullying.

LGBT students in schools with such programs, the survey concluded, were less likely to be victimized and more likely to report problems to staff.

The Climate Survey is the only national survey to document the experiences of students who identify as LGBT in America’s secondary schools. “The 2009 survey includes responses from 7,261 LGBT students between the ages of 13 and 21 from all 50 states and the District of Columbia. Data collection was conducted through community-based groups, online outreach, and targeted advertising on the social networking sites Facebook and MySpace,” said glensen.org.

GLSEN Executive Director Eliza Byard said in the report, “As our nation seems to finally be taking bullying more seriously, it is crucial that LGBT students are no longer left out

of efforts to address this public health crisis.”

The reports are seeing a mixed picture nationwide - gay-straight alliances continue to spread, numbering more than 4,000 nationwide, yet nine of 10 gay students in the latest survey reported suffering anti-gay harassment.

On a national level, the recent suicides have increased efforts to call on Congress to pass a pending bill, the Safe Schools Improvement Act. In addition to protecting students against any form of bullying, the act would require schools and districts receiving federal funds to adopt codes of conduct prohibiting bullying and harassment to include the basis of sexual orientation and gender identity.

Though ten states have anti-bullying laws along the lines of the Safe Schools Act, gay-rights activists say enforcement and observance is not enough.

“Our nation has failed to address the pervasive problem of bullying and harassment in schools for far too long.

Countless youth are denied access to an education every day because they do not feel safe in school,” said Byard.

“Passing the Safe Schools Improvement Act would go a long way toward laying the necessary foundation of support lacking in many American schools.”

Despite the majority of research being done within the middle and high school realms, college LGBT students and their allies are at just as much risk.

The Trevor Project is a free, confidential suicide prevention helpline for LGBT youth. It was founded by writer James Lecesne, director/pro-

ducer Peggy Rajski and producer Randy Stone, creators of the 1994 short film, Trevor. The film detailed a gay 13-year-old boy’s attempt to take his life when rejected by friends because of his sexuality.

The Trevor Project maintains a 24hour helpline. Those that need assistance can dial 866.4.U.Trevor (866.488.7386) or can “ask Trevor” for help online.

What you can do October is LGBT History Month.

Celebrate it with friends and family and work on increasing awareness and speaking out against anti-LGBT slurs, bullying and harassment. Attend safe space training on campus and ask that your employers and peers do as well.

Ally Week is Oct 18-22. As an ally you can pledge to avoid using antiLGBT language and slurs; intervene, when it can be done safely, in situations where other students are being harassed and support efforts to end bullying and harassment. On campus this includes attending events put on by SPECTRUM, Queer Student Union and the LGBT resource center.

There will be a candle light vigil on Oct. 14 in the Lower Plaza at 7:30 p.m. You may bring your own candle or come early to get one. This event is being put on “to recognize and remember the lives and memories of those we have recently lost. To stand together as a community and show that we will no longer stand in silence. This is a moment of need and we need each other, support and allyship across the campus and our in surrounding community,” stated the flier for the event.

Page 7

Treatment options in your area Suicide Prevention Partnership of Pikes Peak Region “The mission of Suicide Prevention Partnership is to unite the community in addressing suicide in the Pikes Peak Region through education, intervention and postvention,” according to their website. They hold an annual Race Against Suicide and have a hotline and offer health treatment to El Paso County residents unable to see a counselor.

704 North Tejon Colorado Springs, CO 80903 719.573.7447 Mental Health America of Pikes Peak Region Formally known as the Mental Health Association of El Paso County, MHA/PPR has been working on mental health education for the last fifty years. They provide information on overcoming mental health barriers, links to additional resources and advocacy for survivors.

1352 N. Academy Blvd.

Colorado Springs, CO 80909 719.633.4601 HeartBeat: A survivor’s support group Heartbeat is a partner of Suicide Prevention Partnership: Pikes Peak Region and provides support through monthly group interaction to families who have lost loved ones to suicide. The Colorado Springs chapter meets at 7 p.m. the first Tuesday of each month at: East Methodist Church 1505 E. Monument Depression and Bi-Polar Support Alliance Programs include self-help support groups for people with mood disorders, as well as for family and friends. The DBSA offers year-round free depression screenings; hospitalization inpatient program; public presentations on mood disorders and related topics and has a resource center and library.

825 E. Pikes Peak Ave, Suite 301 Colorado Springs, CO, 80903 719.477.1515 Active Minds UCCS Chapter Active Minds is a nonprofit organization dedicated to raising mental health awareness among college students on the peer level. It is a 501(c)3 organization which now works with students on more than 200 campuses nationwide and has been recognized by national organizations and media for its innovative approach to combating stigma and promoting positive mental health. Active Minds now has 250 organizations on college campuses across the United States including a Chapter at UCCS. For information contact Corinna Tandy at ctandy@uccs.edu Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255), TTY: 1-800-799-4889 Suicide Prevention Partnership Hotline 719.596-LIFE (5433) Pikes Peak Mental Health Crisis Line If you have never called a hotline before and are unsure of what to expect here is a rundown. “When you call a hotline, a trained interventionist will do two things,” explains suicideprevention.org. “First, they will try to reassure you that reaching out was the right thing to do, that you are not alone in how you feel and that they will do their best to help you find a way out of this. Second, they will work with you to decide how best to help you overcome your depression and suicidal feelings.” For most, the website said, the next step will be to develop a plan to see a counselor once or twice a week to help find a way to resolve what is contributing to the depression. For some, it may mean checking into the hospital for a few days, “in order to be safe and have a chance to focus on getting better,” it said.

719.635.7000

culture Movin’ to the country, gonna eat me a lot of peaches Page 8

October 12 to October 18

Brock Kilgore

bkilgore@uccs.edu For those of us who like to eat inseason, locally grown produce, fall is the perfect time to enjoy Palisade peaches. They are cheap, plentiful, sweet, juicy and quite healthful.

Peaches have been symbols of immortality in Chinese culture for at least 2,500 years.

Chinese emperors had the strange, donut shaped peaches that we can find in the specialty fruit section cultivated so they could eat them without getting juice onto their royal beards.

The worldwide spread of peaches is a strange story as well. The genus and species for peaches is Prunis persica, but they are neither prunes nor from Persia. From China they spread to Persia, where the Roman Empire discovered them, and believed them to be Persian grown. They soon encircled the Mediterranean Sea. Peaches came to North America with

the Europeans. The Spanish, because they focused on places with warmer climates, are responsible for spreading the fruit into Central America. They spread to the South and Southwest as Native Americans quickly began propagating the new “wild peaches.” Inevitably, peaches first came to Colorado with the Native Americans and were mistakenly called “Indian Peaches” because they were thought of as a native species.

Farmers in Palisade, on the western slope of Colorado, began growing peaches in the 1890s. They were correctly cashing in on the cold winters, long summers with cool nights, volcanic soil and pure mountain water - all perfect conditions for growing peaches. The Western Museum of Colorado related that peach farming in Palisade was small scale until, “In 1913 the US Reclamation began construction of a series of irrigation canals to support agricultural efforts.”

Today, Palisade is home to Colorado’s best peaches. They begin arriving in late summer and don’t stop growing until late October. Look for peaches that are firm, but not hard; soft, but not bruised, and most of all, smell fresh and sweet. They should be no more than $1 a pound, and from Colorado. California peaches are often grown in non-sustainable environments, and who likes California anyway?

Peaches are great by themselves or in cobbler, but the following recipe is a quick, nutritious drink that hails from the Middle East, and is perfect for a college student.

Peach nectar can be substituted for ease and quickness. S

Peach Lassi (Peach Yogurt Drink)

• • • • •

1 Palisade peach (or 1/2 can peach nectar) 1 cup yogurt Splash orange juice Honey to taste 2 tbs chopped nuts

Remove pit from the peach by carefully cutting around it using the tip of a paring knife. Never press too hard or keep your hand directly in front of the knife. Gently twist the peach to separate the halves, and remove the pit. Drop the peach flesh into a blender with yogurt, OJ and honey and blend. Top with chopped nuts and drink without a straw.

Alternatively, mix peach nectar with yogurt and honey (omit the OJ), stir well, and follow remaining directions.

Gaming community awaits change in play Corey Mensing

cmensing@uccs.edu From motion sensor technology to banana collecting adventures, the gamer community has a lot to be excited for this fall. With PlayStation’s Move, Microsoft’s Kinect for XBOX 360 and new releases in classic franchises, a buzz of excitement can be felt here on campus.

According to gaming fanatic Todd Dionson, president of UCCS’ Game Developers Association (GDA), “There seems to be a 2D / Retro Renaissance in the industry and a lot of gamers absolutely love it!”

Nintendo’s slate of holiday releases include upgrades to their “legacy” series: Metroid, Kirby, Donkey Kong Country and Golden Sun, among others.

Hoping to follow Nintendo’s lead, Sony and Microsoft are set to enter the casual gaming motiondetection market. Very similar to the Nintendo Wii, the PlayStation Move and Microsoft Kinect for XBOX 360 will be released this winter. The two companies will offer different approaches to the

concept first introduced by Nintendo in 2006.

PlayStation’s Move is similar to Nintendo’s Wii Remote as it will be a onehanded motion controller that can replicate real world motion. “Anything from a sword and shield to a rifle to a set of clippers to give your best friend a silly haircut,” can be created by the flick of a hand, explained Dionson. “The difference is the device’s incredible accuracy and precision. Where the Wii Remote only sensed movement of itself, the Move can sense where it is in 3D space,” he added.

Kinect for the Xbox 360 takes an even different approach to motion gaming.

“The Kinect is a 3D Camera capable of sensing the player him/herself. There is no controller involved at all,” said Dionson. An upcoming title for Kinect, “Dance Central,” “… teaches the player how to bust a move with a virtual teacher giving oneto-one instructions,” he explained. “Racing games task the player with pretending to drive with an invisible wheel. With Kinect, voice commands such as, “Xbox, Play DVD” are

now possible.”

2011 marks further changes in the gaming world. According to Dionson, “In the first half of 2011, Nintendo will be introducing the next iteration of their Nintendo DS Family -- the Nintendo 3DS. The 3DS, like the DS, features two screens, one of which is a touch screen which offers a great deal of interactivity and control.”

Video games cater to a diverse audience and as explained by Dionson, video games offer a sense of escapism from real life.

Compared to other forms of media, video games immerse players in world courage, bravery and make believe. “All of a sudden, that fantastical world of “Harry Potter” becomes interactive, as if you yourself are inside of it. The world becomes yours” he said.

“Not only that, but video games let you share these experiences with your friends and family easily.

Pick up another controller and everyone’s having a ball – together,” he added.

“Let’s face it, everyone is a gamer these days!

Whether you’re a hardcore “Gears of War” gamer, a

grind-loving “World of Warcraft” player, or a casual “Wii Sports” pick-upand-play-at-a-get-together gamer, nearly everyone loves video games.”

The GDA is set to host the Child’s Play Charity this semester. The char-

ity is focused on relieving pain through fun and games to children across the world. “We’ll host a ‘Battle of the Rock Bands’ stage competition followed by a screening of the video game-influenced ‘Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World,’”

said Dionson.

“We will also be presenting at a lot of other campus events starting with SPECTRUM’s National Coming Out Day Celebration on Oct. 14 with games that help student organizations with their events.” S

Photo courtesy of Wikimedia Commons

The news of new video game platforms was greeted by a volumnous chorus of Rock Band that echoed halfway around the world.

culture

October 12 to October 18

Page 9

MAT presents ‘Four Play’ challenge productions Brock Kilgore & Catherine Jensen bkilgore@uccs.edu, cjensen2@uccs.edu The Manitou Art Theater (MAT), famous as a venue for fun, challenging, creative live theater, will be premiering the results of the “Four Play Challenge” this week, from Oct. 1517.

“Four Play” was a challenge to local writers, directors and actors to create plays within restricted time limits. Participants gathered at the MAT on Oct. 8 where, after being presented with a theme, they were given 44 hours to write a ten- to twenty-minute play.

Completed scripts had to be submitted to MAT two days later, on Oct. 10. The proposed plays were required to relate to the theme announced on Oct. 8.

Out of all those submitted, only four were chosen for staging.

Artistic Director Jim Jackson explained that the idea for “Four Play” came from a similar but shorter 24-hour contest in which he participated 20 years ago in the Yukon.

“Ha, you are not the kind…” was the chosen theme for this year’s “Four Play Challenge.”

But Jackson noted that the theme is just “to keep everyone honest,” and writers are encouraged to be as creative as possible as long as the short play relates back to the theme in some way.

Having toured the Western world for twenty years as a mime, clown and acrobat in

the circus, Jackson has the connections, qualifications and the space to produce what he calls “very personal, a bit quirky and a bit ‘out there’” types of theater.

Jackson and Technical Director Brigitta DePree co-founded the MAT as a children’s theater in Manitou Springs nine years ago. They added adult plays in the second season, and have continued to do both, as well as offering classes for children.

Two years ago, they moved to the impressive current location, which seats 90, just off 21st Street, south of Highway 24.

Jackson explained that the theater has gained a reputation for producing plays similar to the French Theater circuit, or in the “clown style,” said Jackson; and, just as Jackson hoped from the beginning, artists from across the globe have begun contacting him to get involved. This was Jackson’s original plan, he said, “so their friends from touring would come to see them.”

The MAT’s upcoming season includes the very popular RIP Improv Theater on the first Friday and Saturday of each month at 8 p.m. The self-described “Five fantastic FUNambulists of farce” perform on-the-spot comedy.

The comic farce “Art Dog” kicks off the season in November. Written by Jackson and

Photo courtesy of MAT

It’s like “Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maitenance,” but more awesome, because there’s food.

based on a true story, the play is about a scandal over public art in a small town. Jackson said to expect “public art, empty pedestals, naked dogs and censorship.

Warning, full frontal canine physicality.”

“Every Job I Have Ever Had” premiers in January and portrays the story of Austin comic and playwright Barry Smith’s life of getting by without a “real” job.

It will be presented using photos and videos of Smith, and performed like a stand-up routine.

In February, Jackson’s collaboration with New York mime Bill Bowers, called “The Heyokah Project,” premiers. The story of the Lakota Sioux’s sacred

clown and “what it means to be different, the other, the outsider in society.”

Thaddeus Phillips, whose “Capsule 33” premiers at UCCS on Oct. 21, will bring his play “The Travel Agency” to the MAT in March. This explores the concept of borders and the problems they create for travelers.

Finally, in April, the MAT will host the fifth annual Women’s Playwriting Festival. The production uses local actors of several short plays written by females and selected from a nationwide contest.

Tickets to this weekend’s “Four Play” plays are are $20. S

The Rundown What “Four Play Challenge” Where Manitou Art Theater 1367 Pecan St. When Fri., Oct. 15 @ 8 p.m.

Sat, Oct. 16 @ 2, 8 p.m.

Sun, Oct. 17 @ 1 p.m.

How Much $20/show More Info 719.465.6321 S themat.org/premiers

Local band celebrates album release at Clyde’s J.P. Niehaus & Avalon Manly

jniehaus@uccs.edu, amanly@uccs.edu On Saturday, Oct. 16, Colorado Spring’s own Edifice will be playing a free show at Clyde’s to release their new record, “Arc Mentis.”

The band’s release will be covered live by 94.3 KILO, a popular local rock station.

Ryan Lewis and Joshua Baumgartner, lead vocals and guitar, and backup vocals and drums, respectively, started the band in 2003. Brendan Brossard, also a Denver native, joined the band in 2005 with his talents on the war guitar, a unique instrument consisting of a six-string bass and a six-string guitar, all in one. - a rather intimidatinglooking instrument, to say the least.

In 2007, violinist and cellist Adrian Johnson joined the band, completing the foursome.

This combination of talents holds the promise of good solid rock with a mix

of new style that is a breath of fresh musical air.

Lewis and his fellows chose Clyde’s as the venue for their release party with great deliberation.

“We have a lot of friends here at UCCS and we wanted them to be able to see us play and it offers an intimate setting on a small stage that is nice,” he explained.

Another reason behind the choice of venue was the personal involvement of half the band here at UCCS. Johnson graduated from UCCS with a Master’s in computer science and works during the day as a computer programmer.

Lewis is curently enrolled as a Computer Science major, and he plans to break into the field of bioinformatics - a fancy term for the software used in medical research.

The band toured for the first time this summer, when they travelled

through Illinois, Missouri, and Colorado playing in well-known rock-spots like Rockford and Grayslake, Ill., near Chicago, and a college campus in Trinidad, Colo.

Lewis, who booked the tour, described it as “a big learning experience, like four guys being married to each other.”

Music, for the members of Edifice, has always been a way to escape reality and dream a little, and they use their work to “grow as [people],” expounded Ryan.

The band’s melodic undertones and deep lyrics are meant be “a vehicle for individual and collective growth for the audience,” said Lewis.

Lewis runs a musical side project apart from Edifice, called the Color Zero (tc0).

Lewis uses tc0 as “a projecct to explore and exploit the various eccentric characters and exotic lands securely encrypted within this grey matter called my mind....where sense and

nonsense are made manifest in the audible and occasionally visible wavelengths.”

On tc0’s website, Lewis lists band members as himself, the couch (with contributions such as “inspiration” and “bad posture”) and the coffee table (“laptop stand,” “cat magnet,” “green tea holder”).

The music Lewis produces alone is possessed of a somewhat darker, more synthetic feel than Edifice’s work.

Edifice seems best classified as crossing between the boundaries of alternative and ambient rock.

The band compares itself to the styles of bands like 10 Years, Oasis and Staind, though they value their own harmonies and musical philosophy as original.

Violin, guitar and a multiplicity of drum patterns run strongly through Edifice’s songs, as if Buckethead, Yellowcard and Spill Canvas had all been put in a blender and made into the smooth, deliberate sounds of Edifice. S

Photo courtesy of reverbnation.com Album art for Edifice’s new album, “Arc Mentus.” The best we can figure is that it’s a really heavily armored jellyfish. Or possibly a Spartan squid.

The Rundown What Edifice Concert

When Sat., Oct. 16 @ 8 p.m.

Where Clyde’s

How Much FREE

culture

Page 10

October 12 to October 18

(movie review)

(CD review)

It’s ‘Kind of a (familiar) Story’ Country music redefined JD Osorio josorio@uccs.edu

“It’s Kind of A Funny Story� is not “The Hangover 2.�

If you saw the trailer and noticed Zach Galifanakis, or “that guy with the epic beard,� and immediately pictured another predictable Las Vegas-bound comedy, you were wrong. OK, now that we have that out of the way... “It’s Kind of A Funny Story� (“Funny Story� for short) is an amusing little film that is charming, humorous and has a warm-hearted ending that leaves a good message embedded in your brain as you leave the theatre.

This, however, isn’t necessarily a good thing. It isn’t a bad thing either, but in this case, it’s an unoriginal thing – this story has been played out dozens, if not hundreds of times before, and will probably continue to be a theme in movies to come. This may be a detractor for some, but it isn’t a solid deal breaker either.

The film follows Craig (Keir Gilchrist), a suicidal teenager who admits himself to a mental hospital to seek help.

Craig quickly discovers that he made a huge mistake, only to be told he is required to stay at least five days. During these five days, Craig meets a slew of people, including Bobby (Zach Galifanakis) and Noelle (Emma Roberts) who is Craig’s suicidal love interest throughout the film. With Bobby’s comedic help and Noelle’s emotional investment, Craig eventually realizes he can cope with his stress and suicidal thoughts.

While the characters are fresh, the plot is dated. It’s easy to predict what’s going to happen next, and from the getgo, you already know how the film will conclude.

To its credit, “Funny Story� does add a couple new elements to this overcrowded genre. The editing and pacing of the film are great, with special attention paid to the way flashbacks and Craig’s “daydreams� are presented. Pacing-wise, the film ticks along

(3 out of 5 stars) steadily without feeling bogged down in any areas in particular.

Another technical part of the movie I loved was the music. Broken Social Scene provided the soundtrack, which gave a nice “grand� sound to the film, while keeping the music mellow when necessary. To the band’s credit, the music was absolutely one of my favorite parts.

Acting was also excellent, though the two protagonists, Craig and Noelle, were hardly the focus in my eyes.

Galifanakis stole the show, breaking out of the eccentric role he embodied in “The Hangover� and taming his comedy to be much more subtle, framed in awkward situations and peppered throughout his dialogue.

Another surprise role, though minor, was Jim Gaffigan as Craig’s dad. While having a small presence, Gaffigan still provided tons of laughs and added some much-needed comic relief to tense situations.

So, was “Funny Story� worth it?

While I really want to say “yes,� it is tough to recommend.

In a packed genre, the film doesn’t offer much to break away from the crowd.

It’s the standard “guy has problem, guy meets girl, girl solves problem and they live happily ever after� formula that most films in this niche use.

So without saying “yes� to see this movie, I also won’t say “no.�

It’s hard to resist a comedy set in a New York mental hospital. It’s hard to say no to Zach Galifanakis and the rest of the great actors in this film. While the film isn’t rib-splittingly funny, it did have me chuckling steadily until the end.

If you’re looking for a feel-good comedy/drama with funny actors all set in a familiar plot, go see this movie.

For all you “Hangoverâ€? fans‌keep wishing. S

Brock Kilgore bkilgore@uccs.edu It seems country music has come full circle.

Pop country has worn thin, and Jamie Johnson, the only country act invited to the Bonaroo Music Festival this year, has led the way back to its roots.

His new album, “The Guitar Song,� is both dark and sad at times, but a thread of home-style hope ties it all together.

Nowhere in this album could any riff be construed as poppy or danceable, and none of the songs will probably make popular radio.

Instead, the album is filled with slow steel guitar backing Johnson’s strumming melodies and clever lyrics.

Johnson sounds like Waylon Jennings, Willy Nelson and the devil, and the God of the Old Testament all mixed together.

He also looks like a combination of the four. His voice is haunting yet uplifting at the same time, and for those of us who have missed

this kind of music, it’s been a long time coming.

Johnson’s path was long as well. Strangely similar to Hank Williams, Johnson grew up playing gospel music in Montgomery, Ala. He lived the old-school country dichotomy of faith and partying. He was formally trained as a musician, but also enjoyed sports, and ended up as a Marine.

Now, seemingly in the good graces of Nashville, Tenn., he has put out “The Guitar Song,� a double album with a black and a white disc.

Johnson writes on his website, “The original idea was always to do a double album. It is an album that is a tale. The first part of it is a very dark and sordid story.

And then everything after that is progressively more positive, reassuring and redemptive.�

Not surprisingly, my favorite disc is the black one.

The first song put me immediately onto a barstool somewhere in the South; my favorite song, though, is the sad, but true, “Cover

your eyes.� It describes the only thing you can do sometimes. “Set em up Joe� is a Vern Gosdan cover, and “Playing the part� is about being a country singer stuck in Los Angeles.

The black album concludes with anti-troopsdying-in-a-stupid-religiouswar song where he sings, “the sun might be shinin’, but even the skies are blue.�

The white album, as advertised, is more uplifting sort of.

It starts with “By the seat of your pants,� which is clearly how Johnson learned, and how he thinks others should as well.

The most telling song about Johnson, and myself, ironically, is “That’s why I write songs.�

He sings, “It might make you laugh, or make you cry, or it might make you get through a bad goodbye. ‘Cause you been through it, and so have I. I have buried family and a few good friends, and held a brand new baby in my hands. You see it aint just what I do, it’s who I am.� S

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athletics

October 12 to October 18

Page 11

New season of UCCS Club Hockey is underway Ryan Piechowski rpiechow@uccs.edu The official start to a new season of UCCS Club Hockey has commenced and appears to have a new refreshed feeling to it. The season began with a showdown between the Mountain Lions and the travelling Orediggers of Colorado School of Mines Friday, Oct. 1 at Sertich Ice Arena. The Mountain Lions roared back tenaciously from an early deficit but accumulating costly penalties ended the comeback effort leading to a 9-7 loss to Mines on opening night.

UCCS found themselves down three goals almost immediately after the first puck dropped at center ice. “Things didn’t start off the way we wanted. We didn’t really come through in the first three minutes and that’s where we got down,” said Team President and goalkeeper Jim Holtz.

The first period would end 6-2 in favor of the Orediggers as the Mountain Lions appeared generally outmatched.

However, a complete team effort ignited a spark as the hard hitting Mountain Lions completely shut down Mines’ initially potent offense, holding them scoreless for the entire second period. A three goal run between the end of the second and start of the third periods brought UCCS back to within one goal.

“Everyone was kind of running around doing their own thing but we pulled it together in the second and third [period],” remarked UCCS Captain Kyle Beaven.

The Mountain Lions would scratch and claw their way back to tie the game with nine minutes remaining before mental errors and penalties killed any chance for a full comeback.

UCCS managed to rack up over thirty minutes of penalties and saw several players banished to the penalty box toward-

sthe end of the final period. “It’s a heartbreaker,” stated Holtz, “We had this game in hand, but when you have 32 minutes of penalties, you just can’t win.” Beaven recognized how devastating these penalties were to their comeback attempt, saying, “Penalties killed us. We killed ourselves with that. I think we would have had a better shot if we didn’t have so many guys in the box, myself included.”

UCCS played nearly all of the third period a man or two down. Mines would score with two minutes remaining to break the deadlock during a five on three power play and would stay ahead for the remainder of the game, scoring a security goal in the final seconds.

Despite the loss, players and team lead ers remained in high spirits, excited and energized by the potential displayed in the newly revamped club hockey team. While this club team has been around for some time, this year has a different vibe. New players, new equipment and increased support has brought this team up to official club status.

“We really transitioned from the old style team where we didn’t really have much of a line, we didn’t really have anything,” Holtz stated with an excited grin.

“Now we’ve given our best effort. We have good guys out here, good leadership, so it’s a turning of the stone. It’s an official club team.”

The symbolic “turning of the stone” is what this club team is all about this season and everyone appears anxious to see just how good this remodeled squad can be.

Beaven was extremely confident, stating, “Once we finally start meshing together it’s going to be interesting to see how far we can take this.”

The Mountain Lions will look to continue the season with confidence and positive thoughts, while gaining recognition and support in the process. S

Photo by Ariel Lattimore

Top: Colorado Mines goalie attempts to rebound after UCCS scores critical goal.

Bottom: The Mountain Lions aim to clear the puck out of their zone.

Nikki Kinzer

Not everyone gets the chance to come home again and continue to do what they love. Sophomore Nikki Kinzer is getting that chance this season and she couldn’t be happier. A Division I talent, Kinzer transferred from CU-Boulder this semester and has immediately emerged as a force in the middle for the Mountain Lion Volleyball Team. Kinzer recently recorded 12 blocks in a match—the most by a UCCS player since 2000.

Alex Cramer acramer@uccs.edu What made you choose UCCS? “I never would have imagined myself going to school in Colorado Springs just because I’ve lived here my whole life, I pictured myself going far away and even Boulder was close.

But coming back to the Springs, it’s just a fun city and I’m living on my own but I’m close enough to my family so I can go home for stuff with them but be on my own and still feel like I’m in college which is nice.”

If you weren’t playing

AT

volleyball what sport would you be playing?

“Basketball, for sure. I played basketball pretty much since I was 10 years old all the way through high school. I actually broke my nose on my senior night and that was the end of my basketball career. I even considered quitting volleyball after my sophomore year but one of my club coaches (for volleyball) convinced me to stick with volleyball and then I started loving it even more.”

and a better person. Being able to come back and play for him for three years after being at CU last year is just such a blessing.”

Photo by Ariel Lattimore

Standing at more than six feet of raw talent, volleyball standout Nikki Kinzer grins, excited to be back home.

before a practice or a game and that helps get my mind back to where it needs to be.”

How do you relax?

What people have inspired you the most?

“I like taking naps. I usually take a 20 minute nap

“Definitely my parents because they’ve been right

alongside me every step of the way and allowed me to make my own decisions. The main coach who has inspired is really my coach here, Keith. He really took me under his wing my freshman year of high school and really helped me become a better player

If you could invite one person over to your house for dinner, who would it be?

“Abraham Lincoln because of his leadership, and I think he’d be a cool guy to talk to with his experiences.”

What’s it going to take to beat Nebraska-Kearny next time you play them?

“Kearny is just one of those teams that is so frustrating to play against because

H

T LE

E

they’re just so consistent.

So whenever we can eliminate our own errors and play their game with them by bringing the ball back over and keep the pressure on them to make the errors.”

What are your plans after volleyball?

“It depends on where my life is at that point. I’m not going to make any big decisions right now. I have a couple friends who went and played oversees, one of my really good friends just got back from playing in Denmark and she just loved playing, she said it was very laid back and very fun.” S

athletics October 12 to October 18

Page 12

No. 9 ranked Mountain Lions place second at Grand Canyon Fall Invitational Matt Crandall

mcrandal@uccs.edu n As the team prepares for the fall season’s final competition, the men’s golf team added another impressive second place finish at the Grand Canyon Fall Invitational in Phoenix last Tuesday, Oct. 5. Only the number one ranked Division-II Vikings of Western Washington University topped UCCS to claim the victory. UCCS shared a second place tie with Grand Canyon.

In the past, the Mountain Lions have done well at this event, finishing fourth last year and came close to adding this tournament as their third win of the year, thus far.

“It was our best finish in a long time at this event,” added Coach Phil Trujillo. “The golf course can play very difficult in adverse conditions and that’s what we got in the second round.”

For most teams, a second place finish may bring smiles and feelings

of accomplishment. To the UCCS golf team, being second best isn’t what they’re shooting for, especially when only three weeks prior, at the Falcon Invitational, they showcased their ability to play with and beat some of the top schools in the nation.

“Overall, taking second was great but we still didn’t play well as a team and we didn’t finish strong like we hoped to,” commented Trujillo.

“In the final round we let some slip away at the end which allowed Grand Canyon to catch us.”

UCCS headed into the tournament ranked No. nine in the nation in Division-II and finished the event with a total score of 884, while Western Washington shot 864.

Sophomore Spencer Biersdorff led the team by shooting a three-round score of 212, which was good enough for six-under par. Trujillo commended Biersdorff’s play, saying, “…he played exceptionally well and carried us.”

Biersdorff’s consistent

play earned him a second place individual honor.

Following Biersdorff, senior Brian Morfeld shot a three-over par score of 221, good enough for a 12th placed finish individually. Seniors Riley Andrews and Chris Shoop shot 225 and 229, respectively. Junior Michael Tilghman tied Biersdorff’s team high final round of 73 and finished with 234.

The Cactus Thaw in Silver City, N.M. will conclude the team’s fall competition. The tournament will be held Oct. 18-19 and Coach Trujillo emphasized how important this last tournament will be and the significance of how the outcome will affect standings and rankings when play resumes in February.

“Nothing but a win will do at the Cactus Thaw that Western New Mexico is hosting,” he said. “The field will consist of all of the RMAC teams. This is stage three of our four that count towards the Conference Championship, and a win will give

us the advantage going into the final tournament in the spring.”

“We didn’t play well in Nebraska and now Ft. Lewis is even with us going into this event. It’s a crucial point for us and important to end the fall season with three wins and two second place [finishes].”

Photos courtesy of gomountainlions. com Top: Sophomore Spencer Biersdorff tees off at The Grand Canyon Fall Invivational Oct. 5.

Bottom: Senior Brian Morfeld glares into the sun after teeing off with his driver.

UCCS aims to finish high as they compete in The Cactus Thaw Oct. 18-19 in the team’s fall finale.

Sports ShortS Men’s Soccer (2-8-1, 1-5-1 RMAC)

Friday, Oct. 8 at Alamosa, Colorado UCCS 8, Adams State 0 The Mountain Lions rebounded in dramatic fashion to obtain their second win of the season as they pummeled Adams State 8-0 which included an impressive hat-trick of goals from junior Matt Friesen. Senior Mike Mason contributed with two goals, while junior Carlos Verdugo and freshmen Keenan Forder and Austin Bell each scored one goal apiece.

The stellar offensive performance allowed UCCS to tie the school record for most goals in a game and set the record for largest margin of victory. The men will take on Metro State Sunday, Oct. 17 at Mountain Lion Stadium at noon.

Women’s Soccer (6-4, 2-4 RMAC)

Friday, Oct. 8 at Kearney, Nebraska UCCS 2, Nebraska, Kearney 6

Despite two goals from junior Julia Saenz, the lady Mountain Lions were defeated 6-2 against Nebraska-Kearney. UCCS and Kearney both had 12 shots on goal but the defensive effort went to the Lopers who had seven saves to just four from UCCS. The ladies will return home to Mountain Lion Stadium Friday, Oct. 15 as they take on New Mexico Highlands at 7 p.m.

Women’s Volleyball (10-7, 4-4 RMAC)

Friday, Oct. 8 at Gallogly Events Center UCCS 0, Regis 3 (23-25, 18-25, 17-25) Regis dominated the front line as UCCS was shut out 3-0 Friday night at the Gallogly Events Center; unlike the team’s usual domination at the net, the lady Mountain Lions only put up three blocks to the combined 10 from Regis.

Sophomore Nikki Kinzer led the team with 11 kills, while junior Jenica Shippy added eight. Senior Kendall Utz and junior Sonja Johnson led the team in digs with 12 and eight, respectively. UCCS will return home to the Gallogly Events Center Friday, Oct. 29 to take on Colorado Christian at 7 p.m.

Photo by Ariel Lattimore

Senior Kendall Utz looks to set up one of her teammates on the front line against Regis.

opinion October 12 to October 18

Page 13

Between sternum and spine If I could look away, Catherine Jensen cjensen2@uccs.edu When news of Tyler Clementi committing suicide by jumping of the George Washington bridge reached me, all I wanted to do was write about how torn up inside his death and those surrounding his made me feel. Unable, in a state of immeasurable sadness, to adequately put into words what seemed all too redundant to say (such as, people shouldn’t be afraid to love), I wrote a poem.

I have lived in the place Between your sternum and spine The space where you held your breath Until your lungs nearly caved The window through which light escaped As their feet came down on your back Asher Brown was tripped on the steps, his books went flying like flaying limbs.

He just wanted to stretch to reach the sky.

The membrane of the sky was too limited so a bullet became the shattering solution Administration turned a blind eye, to beatings in the middle of crowded hall ways, the taunts in the classroom, the tear streaked cheeks and black eyes and silence.

Billy Lucas tied a noose to his neck, Swung like an apple from a tree trying to fall before the frost hit.

Seth Walsh hung himself In the backyard where no-one ever ran to meet him.

It seemed the logical place to go.

When questioned, A student who harassed him left tears thick as rope around the ring of a microphone.

Through the power of a microphone and screen, Tyler Clementi became another statistic: Four times more likely as a gay youth to commit suicide Like four times more likely to be bullied Like the four minutes he was caught Kissing a boy behind his own door.

Privacy and respect rarely cross paths in our vocabulary Before a leap Shattered capillaries Sending words running through his body like blood He left four words on his Facebook page: “Jumping off the gw bridge” Ended with “sorry” It broke everyone’s expectations like glass Justin Aaberg Broke his boyfriend’s heart to avoid being physically broken.

Raymond Chase’s memorial spoke only of him being a long time member of the First Baptist Church.

Omitting that God couldn’t save him from who other’s believed he should be Six boys in four months.

Noose, knife, leap and gun, breath caught in the space no one had gotten to yet.

Sometimes you can feel your heart beating there, child, don’t forget your breath.

Sometimes I don’t believe in God, but I will say a prayer and hold it there.

Hold it for every youth that hasn’t come out yet, that being themselves won’t end in death.

Staying hidden is akin to tying a rope around your neck.

There are too many people walking around in protective skin.

Can you imagine walking down the street and being unable to hold your lover’s hand?

No God I can conceive of would want people to be afraid to love.

13 year old boys should be no exception If you see something, say something If you hear something, tell someone If you love someone, stand with them.

There is a space between sternum and spine Where you can feel your breath.

I will hold it there a while so as not to forget What it feels like to be kicked in the chest.

believe me, I would

Jessica Lynch jlynch@uccs.edu “Roses are red, violets are black. Why is your chest as flat as your back?”

In seventh grade, this charming poem was performed in a cadence only conducive to a snotnosed, red-haired-boy outside the town grocery store.

I remember his smirk as I approached while clutching my little sister’s hand. With lips peeled back in an animalistic snarl, he repeated the poem. In doing so, he elicited a glowering response of innermost hatred that took nearly five years to simmer.

I have since forgiven his misgivings and shortsightedness, for the most part.

While the memory has remained relatively dormant, it has scared me in ways only explainable in weekly therapy sessions.

And from his mocking nature, a similar urge to point, stare and scream profanity has filled my lungs.

For completely dif-

ferent reasons, of course.

My reasons stem from my athletic lifestyle, my subsequent physical development and the realization that certain women should stick to “gym time” in the living room.

Bottom line, I have an aversion to women who wear push-up bras to the gym. More than a few times, I have caught myself staring; not out of titillating excitement, but with hatred I typically reserve for small ankle biting dogs and that show on MTV called “16 and Pregnant.”

When I see this unpleasant sight, it’s enough to make me choke on my gum, stall on the treadmill and clutch desperately to the handles to keep from being tossed unceremoniously into the lockers behind me.

And while I have tried not to look at these “distractions,” I have vomited in my mouth more than a few times. Okay, so maybe it was only once. Fine! It never happened, but it could, and if it did, I’m sure I would be the one to experience it. Either way, the image gets the point across. The point being, I hate those upper shirt bulges!

There is something inherently wrong with a woman in workout attire - specifically designed for a sports bra - who chooses instead to show the straps of her black, red or – gag me – pink bras.

Refusing to wear a sports

bra is means for total loss of credibility. Everyone knows you don’t belong in the gym; you belong on the stripper pole in your basement.

Actually, you don’t belong anywhere but in your room with the door closed and long dark curtains over your windows.

Maybe then, when the only person who cares to notice your bad decision is the peeping tom from next door, you’ll check your chest twice before leaving the house.

Because here’s the thing, the gym isn’t a run- way and you sure as hell aren’t a Victoria’s Secret Angel.

Women want attention; we want the hot young man on the bench press to notice our beauty, strength and….umm, rack? But here’s the thing: when it’s time to lift weights, men aren’t checking you out; they’re admiring their biceps in the mirror, grinning at the new pulsing muscle in their forearms and checking the tonnage of their calves. Wearing a push-up bra is only hurting you, literally; you look like you’d be hit in the face with those suckers if you tried to run.

I pity your bad decision. I mock you behind your back. I stare at your chest rather than your face. I whisper profanities in your general direction. And if there were a fire, I wouldn’t help you escape. S

X

Photo courtesy of droidapps.org

“Are those water balloons in your bra, or are you just happy to see me?”

opinion October 12 to October 18

Page 14

Not every mom goes to college Stephen Farrell sfarell@uccs.edu The media is deluged with television shows glorifying teen pregnancy. Take MTV’s “16 and Pregnant,” films like “Juno” and the reality show “Baby Borrowers” on NBC. Teen pregnancy is popular, it’s acceptable and, for some, a fairly lucrative maneuver.

Well, as it turns out, the much undeserved glorification of teen pregnancy is no longer limited to television. Bristol Palin, the 19 year old daughter of the highly revered politician, Sarah Palin, has not only been flouting her teenage motherhood experience to the media but has been profiting from it.

And yes, I did say profit, as in profiting from doing nothing more than what

that hippopotamus orgy did last week on discovery channel.

According to the Washington Post, Palin (Bristol) has received $14,000 to speak at the Louisville Marriot in downtown Louisville, Ky. on behalf of “Life House,” a housing program for single mothers in Louisville.

According to Rightpundits.com she also signed a contract with a speaker’s bureau to charge between $15,000 and $30,000 per speech. Oh, and don’t let me forget to mention the undisclosed amount she was paid by ABC to guest star on the television show “Secret Life of the American Teenager.”

Yes, Bristol Palin seems to be doing quite well these days; I think it’s fair to say that her “career” is definitely taking off. Good for her!

So if you happen to be a 17- to 19-year-old female college student reading this let me paint the picture for you. All that homework you’re bleeding your eyes onto until 3 a.m. for that big test the next morning, that BS part-time job

Photo courtesy of nydailynews.com

“Look, Mommy! It’s the nice man from ABC, and he’s carrying bags of money for my ‘college’ fund!”

with the idiot boss that you have to deal with to put you through school and coming home to that nasty roommate who left sushi in her sock drawer last week… all a waste of time... well at least it is for 19-year-old Palin.

I mean, she only makes in 20 minutes what you probably spend on tuition for one year all thanks to her skills in… her skills in… wait, give me a sec-

ond it’ll come to me… well… maybe you should check out the Discovery channel after all.

The fact that there are groups out there willing to pay these obscene amounts of cash for Ms. Palin to tell them exactly what some girl in a homeless shelter downtown can tell them in an even less amount of time and money, is simply outrageous; it is an abomina-

tion of the highest degree.

It is sad that we, as a nation, have stooped to this level of stupidity. When a teenage mother gives a speech on the downsides of teenage pregnancy it is called “education,” when they are paid $15,000 to $30,000 to do it, it is called “glorification,” it is as simple as that.

But I guess I really can’t blame Palin for accepting these types of

cash offers, after all she may as well. For one, she can do it (even if it is a result of who her mother is), and two, reproduction is just about all she’s proven herself any good for in this world in her 19 years of life experience, so she may as well stick with it. So as much as I liked “Napoleon Dynamite,” I’m inclined to say that not every mom goes to college. S

U.S. financial aid system sucks and is stupid

Jasen Cooper jcooper2@uccs.edu As of June this year, Americans owe more in student loan debt than they do in credit card debt, with loans for higher education totaling $829.785 billion according to the Wall Street Journal.

Tuition prices are rising at twice the rate of inflation and four times the rate of wage growth, claims consumerist.com. And with the recent recession, funding for public colleges has been cut back, as can be seen by the numerous budget problems faced by UCCS. In times like these, funding a four-year education is more difficult than ever, making it all the more important for financial aid to

be available to students.

Unfortunately, aid isn’t that easy to come by.

Yes, there are websites like Fastweb, which allow you to search and apply for thousands of scholarships, but these are usually of very small amounts and are not always from reputable sources.

Companies like Pepsi like to wave around their several-thousand-dollar scholarship programs, but when every student in the nation is applying for them (due to the nonexistence of any sort of real requirements), the odds of receiving that money are near zero.

There are no federally -backed scholarships, no foundations which look exclusively at a student’s financial need, and so for students who are not exceptional achievers in school but still trying to work their way to a better job, there are few options.

Most poorer students are hoping to receive some sort of federal grant, or student loans.

Student loan debt is incredibly undesirable and due to various forms of

legislation its repayment is quite harsh.

Twenty-five percent of those with federal student loans default on them, according to consumerist. com.

And, unless you’re physically or mentally incapable of working, you cannot get out of student loan debt through bankruptcy, explained The Huffington Post. If you do not repay student loans, your wages can be garnished. Money can be taken out of your tax return. You, or your cosigner, can even see the debt being paid off by what would be Social Security checks.

Students now have the option of income-based repayment, or loan forgiveness if they work in the public sector for 10 years, thanks to the Student Aid and Fiscal Responsibility Act passed in March of this year. This will help alleviate the immediate burden of student loans, but it does not make debt any more attractive of an option.

Students hoping to get grants will have to fill out the Free Application for Federal Student Aid, which

opens up an entirely new can of worms.

Students whose parents make too much money, the exact marker for which varies from institution to institution, will find themselves with very little offered aid, outside of those loans we discussed earlier. But some students aren’t even able to complete the FAFSA, eliminating any hope of getting aid outside of scholarships and loans.

Many students are faced with the unfortunate circumstance of having to support themselves, entirely distinct from their parents, while also trying to attend school.

Despite any level of financial independence, however, students under 24 are required to submit the tax information of their parents.

There are exceptions, such as when a student has been legally declared homeless or orphaned, or if the student is married or has dependents.

But if the student was, like me, kicked out of their home and cut off from their family after coming out

as queer, those tax returns would still be necessary.

There is an appeals process, wherein a student can explain their financial situation to their school’s financial aid office with the hopes of having the status of dependent overridden.

However, at that point it is at the financial aid counselors’ sole discretion whether or not the student is allowed to have financial aid. If said student has the misfortune of attending UCCS, said student would need to be in actual physical peril (i.e., dad sitting on the front porch with a shotgun) before such an override would be granted. Simply having one’s parents refuse to speak to them, or being at risk for verbal and emotional abuse, is insufficient.

We need a federal pool of vetted scholarship opportunities with a standardized application.

We need more wiggle room with the repayment of student loans, such as the option of declaring bankruptcy if that career as a sculptor never pans out.

We need a redefinition of dependency which co-

incides with the IRS; if a student can file their own taxes, that student should be able to be responsible for their own schooling.

We need a better financial aid system, or more affordable schools, if we ever hope to advance education in America. S

Photo courtesy of gettyimages.com

In this instance, and in this instance only, is it acceptable not to have the appropriate tax forms.

the

Scribble

“Still, if a statement cannot reasonably be interpreted to be one of express or implied fact, it cannot be libelous. This means that humor columns, spoofs, cartoons and satire are protected as long as readers understand that the material is not intended to be taken seriously.”

-Student Press Law Center

Bedbugs: Friend or foe?

Cherise Fantus cfantus@uccs.edu Bedbugs schmedbugs. Everything I’ve ever heard about them is bad. They’re disgusting. They cause rashes. They carry diseases. But are they really that bad, or did they just get a bad rap, like O.J. Simpson?

With the recent outbreak of bedbugs in the UCCS dorms, many students are realizing that they can actually make great pets. They’re inexpensive (free, in fact), and they aren’t specifically disallowed at UCCS. Did somebody say loophole?

Freshman Sarah Yecchy was repulsed when she first learned that she had bedbugs. She couldn’t understand how she got them: She cleaned her room once. “I was like, oh my god, that is so disgusting,” she said, “but then I thought, I’ve always wanted a pet.”

Pet bedbugs are nothing new.

People have been adopting these loveable creatures as their own for thousands of years. Scientists recently discovered cave paintings in France depicting cavemen playing with their pet bedbugs.

Bedbugs are perfect for the student who doesn’t have the time, money or patience to care for a regular pet. You don’t have to feed them; they just suck your blood while you sleep. You don’t have to walk them because, with their tiny size, they can get plenty of exercise right in your dorm room. You also don’t have you clean up their poop because you’ll never be able to find it.

Yecchy explained that she loves how low-maintenance they are.

“I’m not very good at taking care of things. I won a goldfish at the fair once, but it died a couple of hours later. I didn’t know I had to take it out of the plastic bag!” she said.

Robert Grimes, also a freshman,

was thrilled when he found his new pets. “It’s like an ant farm, but in my bed,” he explained, “Sometimes I just sit and watch them for hours on end. They’re really my only friends.”

While some do like to just watch them, others prefer a pet with which they can interact. Bedbugs do that, too. “Sometimes I like to just lay in bed and let them crawl all over me. I love the way it tickles,” said Yecchy.

When she’s feeling lonely, she said, “They’re great snugglers.

It’s especially great when a bunch of them gather in one spot. If you close your eyes and touch them, it’s almost like touching a squirrel.”

Yecchy and Grimes are doing their best to keep their pets a secret.

They don’t want the school bringing in exterminators and savagely murdering their new pets. Oops.

I guess they should have thought of that before talking to me. Time to kiss your bedbugs goodbye.

TOP TEN

celebrities who should be president

Photo illustration by Avalon Manly

“While my opponent, Ms. Bieber, makes an excellent point, all I can say is that, if I do not win this year: I’ll be back.”

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Steve Jobs. Behind in the polls?

There’s an app for that.

Glenn Beck. He probably wouldn’t win, but it’d be fun to watch him cry more than Hillary Clinton.

The Govenatah. He’s gone this far; might as well go all the way.

Justin Bieber. He doesn’t dodge as well as Bush, but he’s bound to get better once puberty hits.

Lady Gaga. The White House would be all kinds of crazily decorated.

Mark Zuckerberg. At least voting would become trendy again.

Rick Astley. America will never give him up, and he will never let us down.

Kanye West. Even if he doesn’t win he’ll give a great acceptance speech.

Oprah Winfrey. She owns everything anyway.

Photo illustration by Avalon Manly

“My fellow Americans: no matter who you voted for, every vote was automatically linked to count as mine.”

Jon Stewart. The man is plainly awesome.

-Jasen Cooper

Photo courtesy of dck9.com

To every college student whose bed is empty: these little guys just want to keep you warm at night. With so many legs, how could you be lonely?

The news in brief

Students arrested for loitering at bus stop Twelve students were brought in on charges of loitering on Friday after a sting at the Four Diamonds shuttle stop. Local police representatives said that the students had been standing around in a large crowd for an obscene amount of time, making local business owners wary of potential ruffian activity. An art student is still being held without bail due to the can of spray paint that was found on his person. The student alleges that it was for an art project, but the police are confident that he was planning on painting his initials in large flamboyant letters somewhere on campus property. S

New exam to reduce education costs, increase countability After being announced by President Obama during a recent address, and pushed through Congress at lightning speeds, a new exam is going to be required of all graduating college students. This comprehensive exam is supposed to be the last in a long line of standardized tests, and will assess the effectiveness of a student’s education. If students perform poorly on their exit assessment, they will be refunded a certain portion of their already paid tuition, since they should not be expected to pay for something that was ineffective. This system is said to increase accountability for our professors, from whose salaries the tuition reimbursement will be pulled. Comprehensive exit exams are a first step towards education reform, according to Obama, and should help to “take the temperature” of our higher education system. S

Student survives four years on free food A recent graduate of UCCS released his memoirs last week, wherein he detailed his extensive system of acquiring and preserving free food. Joseph Balin, a 22-yearold from Pueblo, said that he had insider information about many unadvertised events occurring on campus, allowing him to sneak in before they started and walk out with one or two whole pizzas. He would also scour bulletin boards and the weekly Boomer newsletter in order to find out where he would be feeding next. After making off with several meals’ worth of free food, he would preserve it through salting and freezing, using a recipe he learned from various Thanksgiving lessons in grade school. Balin is currently being studied by several doctors in order to predict and record the long-term effects of such a regimen. S

-Jasen Cooper

riverrun, student arts magazine For more info: www.uccs.edu/~english/riverrun.html Email submissions to: riverrun@uccs.edu DEADLINE: October 29th, 2010

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