Dec. 7, 2010

the

Scribe

December 7 to December 13, 2010 [Volume 35. Issue 14]

You’re a mean one, Mr. Grinch. (pg. 8)

Inside this issue...

Parking elimination poses problems (page 4)

Campus soon to build medieval trebuchet (page 5)

Lloyd Kaufman tells students to “Make your own damn movies” (page 10)

editorial

Page 2

December 7 to December 13

Animated slacktivism

Editor-in-Chief Avalon Manly Last week, Facebook was overrun with cartoon characters.

This was a digital wave designed to increase awareness of child abuse by replacing all the human images on Facebook with those of the cartoons we cherished in our youths.

Somehow, Lion-O and Voltron are helping people understand the grave and widespread problem of child abuse.

I think that this is what is known on the Internet as a “slacktivist” movement.

It allows you to feel good about doing absolutely nothing. It’s a nominal gesture of some amorphous state of “awareness,” where suddenly, because you expressed a base knowledge of a contemporary social issue, you’re free and clear.

Hey, you did your part. You made Johnny Bravo your profile picture, and some other people magically learned that child abuse is still a rampant problem.

Congratulations. I commend you on your Internet wizardry.

I expressed this much on Facebook, and received this reply from a friend and professor at UCCS: “As a criminologist who studies violence against women and children in general I agree with you, but anything that puts the discussion on the table is a good thing! We need to translate this into private donations to places like Safe Passages and [by] voting for politicians who will put money into the various agencies that deal directly with child abuse.”

I am inclined to agree with that statement, to an extent. Discussion is absolutely a good thing, but when that’s all it is – discussion – it’s useless, futile, sterile.

Change begins with awareness, but awareness is only a foundation.

Without pairing carefully planned actions with intelligent, well-examined discourse, how can we hope

to fix anything? By hoping that someone else will do it? I can’t wait to see how that works out for us.

How many of you, once your changed your profile picture to Taz or Yacko or Wile E., actually did something about it?

Did you look up a charity or organization that attempts to help abused children? There’s one right downtown, on Cascade.

It’s called Safe Passage, as mentioned above, and provides support, treatment and care for children who have suffered from sexual abuse. The minimum donation is $10 on their site. For you, that’s a beer and some fries at Clyde’s. For a kid in need, that’s warmth, and medical assistance, and a kind gesture from someone who cares, which can make a world of difference.

New Yorker columnist Malcolm Gladwell, in his piece “Small Changes: Why the revolution will not be tweeted,” called this sort of online movement “weak-tie activism,” sprung from html-based friendships with people who barely know each other. Sure, we spread around the good feelings of doing something that matters, and we feel like we’ve participated in something bigger than ourselves.

And maybe we’ve begun to. The problem is that it doesn’t go nearly far enough.

Let’s get one thing straight. The world is a dangerous place. Making it better is a dangerous task.

Attempting to make a real, viable, virile, tangible difference is not a safe thing.

And the only way we can do it is together.

Gladwell called the bonds between people who change the world “strongtie activism.” In that category, he bracketed things like the Civil Rights Movement, which succeeded because its members were joined together in the face of great adversity, against the dangers of a stagnant world opposed to change.

It’s “high-risk activism,” Gladwell said, and such feats can only be accomplished by people bound together by something more than a social networking tool, and when discussion becomes action.

Yes, the first step is awareness. But it’s what you do with the awareness that matters. Don’t click your mouse a couple of times and pretend to be an

activist.

We’ve been given the gift of instantaneous, widespread communication – something the Civil Rights Movement never had. And what are we doing with it?

We’re nostalgically reminiscing about the shows we watched when we were kids.

I’m not going to tell you to take an active role in making the world a better place because it’s the holidays, and ’tis the season and all.

Frankly, that shouldn’t matter in the least.

I’m going to tell you to take an active role in making our world a better place because it’s precisely that – our world – and because we’ve been given the tools to do so. We have the ability to act in favor of our fellow man; let us not ignore our subsequent responsibility to do so.

I know it can be a hardship to give. I know that, as college kids, we’re in less of a position to do so than most. But donations don’t have to be financial.

You can start a conversation with your friends about what you perceive as wrong in our world. You can volunteer a bit of your time at a shelter or hotline, gifting a voice to the voiceless.

There is no shortage of worthy causes. A couple of weeks ago, I spent $10 on a mosquito net for a child in Somali, through an organization called Samaritan’s Purse. For $5 more, you can buy some baby chicks for a family in the Third World, and someone will teach them how to tend them and generate food and revenue from your donation. That’s three cups of coffee at a chain café here; there, it’s a chance at a better life.

There are things wrong in our world. I know you see them, too. Some of them are in our own backyard.

Do not ignore them just because they make you uncomfortable or disturbed.

If everyone who posted a cartoon last week also donated just $10 to Safe Passage, imagine the change you could instigate, the difference you could make, the lives you could better, the hero you could be to some kid that just needed someone to intervene.

No one else is going to fix the world for us, you know.

We’ve got the discussion part down pat. Now, it’s time to be activists. S

the scribe The official student newspaper of the University of Colorado at Colorado Springs

Editor-in-Chief.........................................Avalon Manly Managing Editor........................................Jessica Lynch Business Manager.....................................John Christian Advertising/Sales Manager..........................Luis Hidalgo News Editor.........................................Catherine Jensen Culture Editor.........................................Brock Kilgore Athletics Editor......................................Matt Crandall Opinion/Scribble Editor...........................Cherise Fantus Photograhy Editor.................................Ariel Lattimore Copy Editor.............................................Cherise Fantus Web Master.............................................Dorian Rogers Video Master............................................Joseph Ruffini Layout Designer...........................................J.D. Osorio Reporters...................................................Alex Cramer ............................................................Ryan Piechowski Photographers.....................................Carrie Woodruff ...........................................................Chelsea Bartlett .............................................................Michelle Wood Junior Reporters.........................................Amanda Putz ................................................................Kristin Garst .................................................................Sara Horton ...................................................................Amy Koumis ...................................................................Ryan Adams ...............................................................Corey Mensing .....................................................Wellington Mullings ..............................................................Jeremy Lengele Junior Photographer...................................Brett Owens Contributors...........................................Steven Farrell Cartoonist............................................................Arno Distributor...........................................Donald Trujillo Advisor.....................................................Laura Eurich ----------------Cover photo by Michelle Wodd----------------The Scribe UC 106 (719) 255-3658 | (719) 255-3469 | (719) 255-3600 www.uccsscribe.com | scribe.eic@gmail.com

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December 7 to December 13

student life

all aboard

the

failboat

Page 3

Hands off my cow In the television show, “The Golden Girls,” Betty White plays Rose Nyland, a dim-witted though well-intentioned woman from a small farming community of Scandinavian-Americans in St. Olaf, Minn. Stories revolve around grouchy farm animals, ludicrous adventures and absolute nonsense. It makes sense, then, that last week two teenage boys from central Minnesota were accused of stealing at least 17 calves to start their own dairy farm. In Minnesota, kids don’t do drugs; they steal farm animals. Authorities found the calves and then the two boys after receiving an anonymous tip. Smart youngsters, they planned on keeping the heifers and selling the bulls. Charges of theft and burglary are possible outcomes.

Onesie your way to a lucrative lifestyle

End on a High Note Mark the end of your semester with class. Join the UCCS VAPA department for their Music Concentration Capstone on Thursday, Dec. 9 at 7 p.m. in the Centennial Auditorium. The concert will consist of improvisational pieces as well as original compositions arranged by the students of the MUS 4500 class. The event is free and open to the public.

Two Wisconsin losers turned an affinity for the couch and an unwillingness to move out of their parents’ homes into a profitable business. Tyler Galganski and Dave Hibler are currently selling fleece, footless onesies out of Hibler’s parents’ basement. The product embraces the Snuggie’s original ad campaign complete with lounging actors and screaming fans at athletic events. Their product, “Forever Lazy,” also includes hoods, allowing especially foul individuals to continue not brushing their hair or cleaning the earwax from their ears. At this point, Hibler and Galganski have sold more than 10,000 “Forever Lazy” pajamas in the past year and a half. However, Snuggie continues to lead the way with more than 20 million over the last two years. Nonetheless, the onesies are sure to emerge as the next big thing – or at least serve as a last-minute Christmas present.

FTW

“People may whisper about his super powers, but the greatest power of Chuck Norris is his integrity.”

– Texas Governor Rick Perry on Chuck Norris’ recent recognition as an honorary Texas Ranger

Fill out the sudoku puzzle below so that each row and column contain the numbers 1 through 9 with none repeated. Return it and the adjacent crossword to the Scribe office when finished; if you’re the first one done (and they’re done right), you’ll be awarded with a $5 gift certificate to Jives Coffee Lounge.

'Tis the Season 1 2

3

5

4

6

7 8

9

10

11

12

13

ACROSS 2 The only other times these are required is for birthdays 6 Questionable beverage indicative of the holidays 8 Better hope he brushed his teeth first 9 The fastest way to embrace the holiday spirit 10 You might not believe, but your parents will still sign your presents with his signature 11 Haven't been since Easter, huh?

12 Usually filled with new toothbrushes, lip gloss and floss 13 Grandma spent nearly 6 months on that, say thank you!

DOWN 1 A hodgepodge of memories encased in glass 3 Why Christmas shouldn't be celebrated in warm climates 4 Flammable, heavy and sure to give your mother hives if you're not careful 5 Let's all wear green and red this year, sound good?

7 It's snowing, nearly Christmas, and hey, look, there's a horse!

9 The opposite of drunken karaoke

news

Page 4

December 7 to December 13

Community gathers for AIDS awareness

Corey Mensing

cmensing@uccs.edu The 6th Annual World AIDS Day Event emphasized the importance of universal access to HIV prevention, treatment and care. Organized by UCCS students, the Black Student Union and Nutrition Club, the event was held Dec. 1 in Berger Hall.

The event was hosted by students Jarod Gray and Ashley Cornelius. A brief welcome was given

by Peg Bacon, provost and executive vice chancellor for academic affairs. Following her introduction, Student Body President, Kristina Achey said that young adults often feel invincible toward threats such as AIDS. “The shocking truth is that over 50,000 young adults between the ages of 18 and 30 have died over the past five years from AIDS,� she explained.

Gary Archuleta of Southern Colorado Aids Project (SCAP) shared his experiences living with

AIDS and said, “It has taken me 100,000 pills to get me here today.� In order to combat the disease, Archuleta takes a drug cocktail, a combination of drugs that attack the virus at different stages.

The cost of his treatment is $42,000, which poses a financial hardship.

Archuleta contracted the disease in 1987 during winter break while in college. He was not aware that he had AIDS until 1993 when he had a physical examination that included blood testing for the disease. In a symbolic move, Archuleta limited his speech to nine and a half minutes. That is the same amount of time it takes for one American to contract HIV/AIDS. Gillian Mallo of the UCCS Nutrition Club spoke about the importance of proper nutrition and how to take care of your immune system while sick. Ashley Cornelius of Black Student Union proceeded with a speech about AIDS’ ef-

fect on the Black community. “We are a race that is slowly being engulfed by this disease,� she emphasized. She urged people to become educated about people who are living with AIDS. “Constant myths turn people into social pariahs,� she added.

Additionally, the event featured a candle lighting ceremony, a poetry reading, and a performance by members of the Peoples United Methodist Church Choir. Colorado Springs Alumnae Chapter Delta Sigma Theta Sorority also passed out red ribbons to the audience, a symbol of solidarity with people who are HIV-positive and those who are living with AIDS. The World AIDS Day event was brought to UCCS six years ago by Willie Straws, community liaison, and has been held here ever since. Each year the event has a different theme. This year’s theme was Universal Access and Human Rights.

In 2009, the World

Student parking intensifies Avalon Manly

amanly@uccs.edu The parking lot at Cragmor Christian Reformed Church, just down the hill from UCCS at 1225 Acacia Drive, is now off-limits for students seeking parking away from the campus lots.

For the last few years, Cragmor has functioned within an unwritten, unofficial policy that allowed UCCS students to park at the church and walk up the hill to campus. This saved some students from the financial strain of purchasing a HUB permit, or from the crowds at the Four Diamonds complex, where parking is free, and shuttles tote commuters to campus every ten minutes or so.

Starting this week, however, Cragmor has decided to reserve their lot for church use only, and has asked UCCS students, staff and faculty to begin parking elsewhere.

This decision stemmed from consultation with legal counsel by both the church and the university. According to Chief of Police Jim Spice, issues of liability had arisen, because Cragmor is neither patrolled by UCCS parking officials nor lit well at night; the lot also isn’t cleared of snow periodi-

cally, all of which present a concern for the safety of students who park there. The church has also received complaints from citizens of the surrounding neighborhood concerning littering and trespassing, as students crossed through lawns on their way to and from campus, said Cathy Kruger, office administrator at Cragmor. “We realize the change may be a hardship for some,�

Kruger said, “[and] we hope they understand. We want to be a good neighbor, but we have to consider all our neighbors. We must consider our congregation [with regard to] liability issues.�

Several times per day this week, fliers will be placed on the windshields of student vehicles at the church, alerting them to the change.

Starting in January, at the advent of the new semester, cars will be towed at owners’ expense, freeing the lot for congregational use. “It’s not about [Cragmor Church officials] being mean,� said Spice, “It was advice given by legal counsel due to liability reasons.�

Some UCCS students, however, don’t see it that way. After a UCCS-wide email was dispatched on Friday afternoon, Cragmor received some emails of a less than savory nature from

students, expressing disappointment in the church’s decision. While Kruger hopes that such reactions will be few and far between, she has passed those messages on to Spice, and legal counsel will provide the church insight into how to respond. “In anticipation of the [Cragmor] lot closing, Public Safety will be adding another vehicle to the Four Diamonds route, effective immediately,� said Spice. “We hope students who used to park at the church will park at Four Diamonds, instead.�

This new bus will increase the number of routes to campus from Four Diamonds, creating an interval of about seven minutes between buses. The bus was purchased with revenue generated by Public Safety (like parking tickets).

Spice noted that the advantages of parking at Four Diamonds include lighting, security, snow and trash removal, the presence of emergency phones and the fact that it’s free. He encouraged students to refrain from parking elsewhere throughout the neighborhood bordering UCCS, as it is becoming “increasingly restricted by area residents and businesses,� Spice wrote in the campus email address that went out on Friday. S

Photo by Michelle Wood

SGA President Kristina Achey welcomes everyone to the event as MCs Jarod Gray and Ashley Cornelius sit to the side.

AIDS Committee applied for a grant and received money that they used toward advertising the event.

Carmen Abeyta, assistant director of MOSAIC, said the annual event is an opportunity to learn and grow. “A lot of people think that AIDS is going away and it’s not a prob-

lem, but it is,� she said. “We still need to keep educating people on prevention and treatment, it’s key to ending the world AIDS epidemic,� she added.

While the event has historically experienced a good community turnout, it has been difficult to reach the general student body. Abeyta believes

word of mouth is the best way to raise awareness of the event on campus. “I hope it continues to grow each year,� she furthered.

Following the event, Cornelius said, “World AIDS Day this year was a celebration of cultures, stories and information that touched the hearts and minds of all involved.� S

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news

December 7 to December 13

Page 5

Medieval trebuchet no longer a thing of the past Cherise Fantus cfantus@uccs.edu For anyone who’s ever wondered what it would be like to build and use a medieval siege engine, you are not alone. A professor of medieval history at UCCS is organizing the building of a scale model of a trebuchet, which is a medieval siege engine used for hurling projectiles, similar to a catapult.

In the upcoming months, students will have the opportunity to take part in the construction and operation of the trebuchet.

According to Assistant Professor of History Roger Martinez, he was first given the idea by a student after showing a film featuring a trebuchet in class. The student approached him and said that he like it so much, he wanted to go home and build his own medieval siege engine.

This prompted Martinez to build his own trebuchet as a learning experience for his students. He thought it would be “an interesting way to bring medieval history to life,” he said.

Building a trebuchet is nothing short of challenging, however, staying within the constraints of the time period will be an

added struggle. Martinez plans to “live at the time these people were living,” he said. To accomplish that task, they will avoid modern innovations and use the technology of that time period, like using wooden pegs instead of modern metal screws.

They will also avoid looking on the Internet for instructions on how to build a trebuchet. Though it may be an easy way to find them, the group will instead use medieval manuscripts as their guide.

A medieval trebuchet would have been gigantic in size. The counterweight box could have held up to 30 tons – which is the equivalent of 15 Ford Explorers. It would have been capable of launching a 220 pound projectile a quarter of a mile. “If you could bring one of these things to the battlefield, the other side knew they were in big trouble,” said Martinez.

Since space is limited on campus, the group will not be building a full-sized model. Instead, they plan to build one or two scale models. Ideally, Martinez would like to turn the project into a competition. The goal is to have two teams build two separate trebuchets. Upon completion of the construction, a siege

Photo Courtesy of Conrad Kyeser, Bellifortis

Many speculate whether this medieval device will, upon completion, be used to catapult freshman over the roofs of the residence halls in the newly created “Toss of the Undeclared Majors.”

will be staged upon two makeshift, plywood castles. The accuracy, distance and damage inflicted will be measured, and the team that fares best will win.

That plan, however, depends entirely on the level of student interest and the amount of funding received. There are currently 10 students and five faculty members involved in the project, and efforts to garner more interest are underway. Martinez hopes to receive funding from private donations, includ-

ing local and national businesses.

Some students are participating in the project out of personal interest. Senior Joe Reilly has had an interest in trebuchets ever since playing “Age of Empires 2” when he was a child.

“Something about the engineering feat required to build a wooden structure several stories tall to hurl boulders thousands of feet with the intent of breaking down stone walls completely blows my mind,” he explained.

Martinez and other professors will also be incorporating it into their classes, offering it as an optional project.

The project will be a joint effort between the history and engineering departments, as well as anyone else with an interest in participating. “I’m extremely curious to see how a group of history majors and a group of engineers cooperate to build a trebuchet,” said Reilly.

Construction should begin early spring at the

Heller Center. While that seems to be a long way off, there is a lot of planning that has to be done before construction can begin.

“Medieval sieges were well planned out; ours has to be planned, as well,” said Martinez. “We need to make sure we do this methodically and do it right,” he furthered.

If everything goes according to plan, the models should be built by the end of the spring semester, when the competition would take place. S

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news

Page 6

December 7 to December 13

The news in brief The ghosts of mascots past: Buffaloes, Long Necks, Lions One World, One Race organization

Sara Horton shorton@uccs.edu The Cheyenne Mountain Zoo recently announced the arrival of its 194th giraffe. Mother Riyadh and father Mawimbi welcomed their healthy female calf on the evening of Nov. 14. She stands at 5 feet 9 inches and weighs in at 132 pounds, both of which the Cheyenne Mountain Zoo claims to be above average measurements for newborn giraffes. The birth of a new animal is always a cause for celebration at the Cheyenne Mountain Zoo. For UCCS students, it’s an opportunity to remember a time when the Lion’s Den did not exist, and we were known briefly as the Fighting Longnecks.

Founded in 1965, UCCS adapted CU’s mascot, the Buffaloes. While UCCS sought a separate mascot, because it was part of the CU Boulder System, this was not made possible. Instead, UCCS was forced to adapt the gold, silver, blue and black colors of CU. However, when UCCS developed an intercollegiate sports program, the need for a new mascot became more relevant.

After polling students on their preferences in 1986, UCCS formulated a plan and wished to be known officially as the Mountain Hawks. There was also an attempt to adapt green and white as the school’s colors.

Even though students

were enthusiastic about the concept, the CU Board of Regents eventually struck down the idea.

Again, members of the Board of Regents continued to view UCCS as part of the CU Boulder system and did not permit the change.

In an effort to develop a sense of individuality, UCCS decided to embrace the name, CU Gold. This also presented UCCS an opportunity to adopt a school spirit symbol. The election for their unofficial spirit symbol occurred in 1991 and over 200 students voted and elected the Fighting Longnecks, or the giraffes.

UCCS even purchased a giraffe costume to be worn at university functions; the character was dubbed “Stretch.” Though this was a fun time in UCCS history, it did not last long. The UCCS community soon wanted an actual mascot instead of a spirit symbol. UCCS grew tired of being known as the CU Gold and yearned for a stronger sense of identity, so another mascot campaign was launched.

Project Mascot began in 1997, and students cast ballots for their favorite mascot. UCCS could have been the home of the Prospectors, Golden Bees or Golden Eagles, but students placed the majority of their votes on being the Mountain Lions.

Although UCCS maintained CU’s gold and black school colors, it was finally permitted to break

away from the buffalo. In 2002, UCCS adopted Dakota, a mountain lion from the Cheyenne Mountain Zoo, to demonstrate its pride.

Boomer, the UCCS costumed mascot, was named and made his debut shortly thereafter in 2003.

UCCS has since adopted Clyde, a 165-pound mountain lion living in the Big Cats of Serenity Springs sanctuary. The mountain

lion has since served as a steady mascot for UCCS, and it does not appear as if that will change any time soon.

Nevertheless, it couldn’t hurt to pay Cheyenne Mountain Zoo’s newest addition a visit for old time’s sake. The calf can be visited at the Cheyenne Mountain Zoo’s giraffe exhibit and will most likely be named in the upcoming weeks. S

With the notion that no nation exists in a vacuum, and moving to encourage and support the idea of multiculturalism around campus, the One World, One Race organization at UCCS is encouraging students to join and gain an appreciation for the multitude of cultures that make up the student body at the university. The organization’s goal is to simply allow its members to learn about the cultural histories of those who participate.

Not limited to those of unique cultural heritages, the One World, One Race club is encouraging any and all students to join in order to gain a better appreciation for many different cultural backgrounds; even those with seemingly “normal” ones. The One World, One Race organization is also active in organizing events and increasing awareness about multiculturalism around campus. Students interested in upcoming events or participation can contact the One World, One Race group leader, Helen Galega, at hgalega@uccs.edu or at phone number (719) 387-0274.

-JL S

UCCS Festival of Lights float a success On Dec. 4, hundreds of people gathered downtown to watch the annual Festival of Lights. The festival included multiple floats and marching bands from schools around the city. Floats carried everyone from Snoopy and his crew to singing cowboys and were followed by skipping children and a pack of greyhounds.

Volunteers collected money for the Empty Stocking Fund, an organization that donates gifts to underprivileged children. Student Jordan Matthews played the Grinch on the UCCS float. “I couldn’t really see or breathe out of my mask. I lost my balance and fell into a Who house, and never has my spandexed lower body been so cold. But I actually had a really fun time,” he said. The float, designed by OSA member Nate Jones, was a representation of Whoville as seen in the classic tale, “How the Grinch Stole Christmas.”

-CJ S

‘The Maids’ take the Dusty Loo to the cleaners

Photo Courtesy of Cheyenne Mountain Zoo

Her introduction to the world was an eight-foot drop to the ground, and she’s still this adorable for it.

“The Maids” will be at the Osborne Studio Theatre, the black box theatre under the Dusty Loo Bon Vivant in University Hall, through Dec. 12. A French play by Jean Genet originally released in 1947, the story follows Solange and Claire, two housemaids whose role playing while their mistress is away leads to a murderous end. According to Chris Medina, the VAPA student who designed the poster for the production, “‘The Maids’ is the second consecutive show that was helmed by a faculty member, the first being Leah Chandler-Mills’ ‘The Taming of the Shrew.’” He added, “I love the fact that we were able to do two such different productions for the first two students’ shows this year. I think it really speaks to the versatility and the dedication of the students and faculty in the VAPA department.”

-CJ S

Energy needs placated

Centennial Hall recently installed a 25 kilowatt solar photovoltaic system that will potentially provide three percent of the building’s energy needs. Most importantly, the system will prevent an estimated 53,000 pounds of carbon emissions, according to Linda Kogan, director of the Office of Sustainability. The south-facing solar panels were installed by Lighthouse Solar Inc., and cost $143,000. In 2008, students voted to contribute $5 per semester to fund the solar power. According to Kristina Achey, student body president, “This is not just about environmental sustainability, it is about fiscal responsibility, as we reduce our ultimate utility costs and work to keep tuition affordable.” Jointly, the system will provide research opportunities and the building will be gold-level leadership in energy and environmental design certification process.

-JL S

- Scribe Staff

Page XX

culture

December 7 to December 13

How the Grinch stole the parade!

Photos by Michelle Wood

Clockwise from top: OSA event coordinator Densie Perez sits atop the float with graduate assistant Jordan Mathews dressed as the grinch. The grinch schemes with his substitute reindeer, Max. The finished float was designed by Nate Jones. The grinch waves at the crowd at the festival of lights.

culture

December 7 to December 13

Hellyeah, its winter music time Brock Kilgore

bkilgore@uccs.edu Semester break means having time to listen to music, especially when it’s live and local. The UCCS band, Doubtful Sound, just put out their first CD, and tickets for several upcoming shows can fill space on your wish list for Santa.

Warm your ears this winter break with these wonderful tunes.

Doubtful Sound A Doubtful Sounding EP: Volume 1 UCCS Original Music The creative force behind Doubtful Sound is their front man and UCCS student, Michael Thigpen.

He is a friendly and approachable person who is willing to look you right in the eye, and always has something interesting to say, especially with his music.

The new four song EP starts with “The Melody,” a catchy acoustic tune that reminds me of Edie Brickell. “Argyle” is the best tune on the album and is, I think, what Doubtful Sound is trying to be.

It reminds me of early Pavement, a mellow Sonic Youth and a touch of The Violent Femmes.

“Somebody Else” has great xylophones and is about feeling out of place when it reminisces, “I was born in the wrong country and I don’t belong here.”

“The Right Things” has an awesome glockenspiel intro, excellent tempo changes and the creative guitar work reminds me of FIREHOSE. All in all, this introductory EP is an

Page XX

excellent start to a professional sound.

Hellyeah with Hail the Villain and A New Revolution Wednesday, Dec. 8, 7 p.m., $27 advance and $30 at the door The Black Sheep 2106 E Platte Cowboy metal, who’d a thunk it? Pantera’s legendary drummer, Vinnie Paul, that‘s who. Started as an avenue back after losing brother Dimebag Darrell to an onstage shooting, Hellyeah is neither radio rock nor pop country; they are better. Along with members of Mudvayne and Nothingface, Paul and the crew create a mixture of metal, country and Southern rock that is defined by cowboy hat laden mosh pits.

The Lo-Fi Cowboys Thursday, Dec. 9 and Thursday, Feb. 3, 9 p.m., Free Southside Johnny’s 528 S Tejon Those of us who have been around UCCS for awhile will certainly remember a band called The Autono. I first saw them somehow playing in a booth at Murphy’s Tavern, then spent many nights enjoying their clean and soulful sounding pop-punk at the old Deluxe Tavern.

Founding member Chuck Snow has a new band called The Low-Fi Cowboys that focuses on alternative country, but they are really just an older, we’ll say more mature, incarnation of The Autono.

Expect groovy, danceable country rock originals, and their specialty, countrified

Above: Coyboy metal as a genre is kind of like “Cowboy Bebop” as a show. Weird at first, but wildly successful among a select few. Photo Courtesy of Hellyeah.

Right: Michael Thigpen, one of UCCS’ own, heads up the band Doubtful Sound. Photo Courtesy of Doubtful Sound.

covers of songs you already love.

Dark Star Orchestra Saturday, Dec. 11, 8 p.m., $35 Fillmore Auditorium 1510 Clarkson St, Denver Probably because of the crowd problems at Grateful Dead shows at Red Rocks, the band used to play McNichols Arena in Denver every year in the middle of winter. The only Grateful Dead show I ever saw was on a frozen evening in December, several months before Jerry Garcia died.

They were terrible. Garcia looked like an avocado, sounded like he was asleep and could not achieve the expected piercing fingertip riffs.

I love the Grateful Dead, but by the time I saw them they were all played out.

Fortunately, the Dark Star Orchestra (DSO) is able to recreate the earlier and unbelievable shows that earned them their reputation of one of the best live bands ever. DSO performs Grateful Dead shows from a specific date and place that are considered special with such precision that it is nearly note for note.

Only after the show do they announce when and where the show first occurred.

Reverend Horton Heat with Dirtfoot Thursday, Jan. 20, 8 p.m., $20 The Black Sheep Even if you don’t like rockabilly, tattoos or the Black Sheep, everyone needs to see the Reverend Horton Heat at least once.

In an age full of one hit wonders parading around

in their girlfriend’s t-shirts, the Reverend Horton Heat has consistently stuck to their rockablilly roots, while continuing to fill venues of all shapes and sizes.

They consistently sold out the 2000 person venue I managed in Madison

Wisconsin, so getting to experience Jimbo and the boys in the cramped confines of The Black Sheep is exceptional, but sweaty.

Keep your elbows up and be careful with the $7 tallboy of PBR and shot of Kentucky Deluxe whiskey special. S

Breaking for winter in style: Head to Manitou Springs Sara Horton shorton@uccs.edu Now that the semester is drawing to a close, students are prepared to close their books and celebrate the start of winter break.

Luckily, Colorado Springs’ fun and wacky neighbor, Manitou Springs, has plenty of entertainment in store for everyone. A parade, a classic arcade and a dessert demolition are just some of the activities available in Manitou Springs this holiday season.

Manitou Springs will be hosting its annual “Snowflakes & Smiles” Holiday Parade downtown on Dec. 11 at noon. “Snowflakes & Smiles” is an old-fashioned parade with a little bit of everything. The El Paso County Mounted Color Guard, horse-drawn carts, area merchants, a Model-A Ford club, local dog organizations and even Santa Claus himself will be in attendance.

After the parade, free cookies and cider

will be served underneath Manitou’s town clock. Last year’s parade was canceled due to dangerous road conditions, but this year’s mild winter is expected to yield better results.

Because it is traditionally a popular event, parade-goers are advised to arrive before noon for good spots along the parade route.

Just a short walk away, Manitou Springs’ penny arcade, located behind Patsy’s Original Candy Shop on Manitou Avenue, is open year-round. The arcade has multiple buildings and outside areas packed full of games, some of which invite a trip down memory lane. Donkey Kong, Pac-Man and Frogger are just some of the classic games available.

Though many of them are older than most UCCS undergraduates, the games are remarkably well-maintained and rarely, if ever, out of order.

Best of all, the arcade is cost-efficient.

Game costs range from a penny to a quarter, and a quarter on the older pinball machines buys two games. The Manitou Springs arcade is the ideal way to get rid of spare pocket change and makes for an enjoyable afternoon, too.

Fortunately, the fun does not end in December. Manitou Springs also hosts a postholiday event where people can dispose of their least favorite dessert: fruitcake. On Jan. 8 at 10 a.m., Manitou Springs will hold its 16th annual fruitcake toss at the high school’s track. Participants can throw their fruitcakes by hand, slingshot or catapult, and trophies are awarded in distance, accuracy and catch competitions.

There is no charge for being a spectator, but the participation fee is either a cash donation or a non-perishable food donation to Westside Cares.

There is never a dull moment in Manitou Springs, and there are always plenty of activities planned throughout the year.

Photo Courtesy of travel.nytimes.com For more information on upcoming events, visit Manitou’s website: www.manitousprings.org. S

culture

Page 10

December 7 to December 13

B-Movie mogul invades UCCS Joseph Ruffini

Jruffini@uccs.edu Legendary B-movie producer Lloyd Kaufman visited UCCS last Thursday, bringing with him ghouls, goblins and the limbs of those he’s torn apart for a living. “I make films where people’s heads blow up,” he was quick to explain.

The filmmaker and owner of the much-famed Troma Films spent two days screening his latest works and discussing the finer points of the film industry in an open forum comprised of UCCS film students and a few members of the public.

Kaufman told students his hard discovered secret for happiness and success, which he said is,“Make your own damn movie.”

The event, sponsored by the UCCS Film Club and the Visual and Performing Arts program, included a question and answer session with the director.

Most of his answers, which were quite a hit with the young audience, would require too much redaction to be printed in this publica-

tion.

A few unsuspecting students, lured to the event by the free Swedish meatballs, struggled keeping them down during the screening of Kaufman’s favorite films, “The Toxic Avenger,” “The Toxic Avenger IV: Citizen Toxi,” and his latest work, “Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead.”

While some found his depictions of man-eating Alien Native American zombie chickens a bit, well, foul, those still in their seats at the end of the screening were not disappointed.

According to Kaufman, “You don’t need money anymore to make your art.

The Internet is the last hope for [independent filmmakers], it is the last democratic medium. Keep net neutrality.”

Although Kaufman is well-known for gratuitous amounts of bodily fluids and dismemberment, he achieved the real spotlight by speaking out against the major Hollywood Movie Studios.

“Unfortunately, our art form is dominated by five devil-worshiping, international media conglomer-

Lloyd Kaufman (right) poses for a picutre along with his pals.

ates,” Kaufman explained.

“Part of Troma’s crusade is to raise the profile of truly independent cinema,” he said. “Even the word ‘independent’ has been stolen.

Film festivals like Sundance who pretend to be independent, are very much the puppets of Rupert Murdoch and his evil elites.”

Kaufman spent the remainder of the event signing autographs and answering questions from students attending the event.

According to film student Judy Johnson, “It’s really interesting to learn more, I’m kind of a novice at this film stuff. You live and you learn, and by God, we’re learning!”

As an added bonus, the filmmaker also brought along his wife, Pat Swinney Kaufman, who is the New York City film commissioner and latest recipient of the prestigious Muse award for her contribution to women’s roles in film-

Photo by Joseph Ruffini

making.

“Being chosen to receive one of the Muse awards is something you don’t know is coming,” she said in her first media interview since the award was announced.

“It came as a huge surprise.

I was very touched and exited.”

Both the Kaufmans had similar advice for budding young filmmakers. “Not to quote my husband, but get out there and make your own damn movie,” Swin-

ney Kaufman said.

When not immersed in her duties as commissioner, Swinney Kaufman is an avid supporter of her husband’s projects.

Although Kaufman does not have any immediate plans for future projects, he is open to exploring new genres, like romance.

Regardless of the genre, Kaufman’s fans will undoubtedly expect his trademark monsters, nudity and gallons of blood. S

It burns so good: Surviving the bar scene Brock Kilgore

bkilgore@uccs.edu One of the best parts of the college experience is turning 21 and being able to go to a bar. Unfortunately, having a specific number of birthdays does nothing to prepare one for the crazy things that happen in bars. It’s a lot like kindergarten, only with booze, and getting in trouble is much easier and comes with far more serious implications than standing in the corner.

Bars can be very dangerous places with drugs, guns and people doing things you don’t want to get involved in, so use caution. Choose places with clientele of a similar age, with people who look like they are having a drink after work, and don’t look to have been there all day talking to their bookie and waiting for their dealer.

The following guidelines are meant to promote having a good time at the bar, without spending your life there. It’s easy to overindulge, so like everything fun, save it for its proper time. Go out to converse with people you like, see

some live music or dance your cares away; don’t go out to drown your sorrows, because they might drown you.

1. Be yourself - This may seem like an odd place to start in a column about how to act in a bar, but sooner or later, who you really are is going to come out (alcohol is called truth serum for a reason).

If you have been fake, you are going to look fake, and nobody likes fake people.

Stay away from clicks; instead, seek out the couple of people in each crosssection who are not fake.

2. Be nice and ALWAYS TIP - The quickest way in or out of any bar is how you treat the help.

Always tip at least twenty percent, but know that fat tips lead to a bar staff that will be inclined to serve you first, remember your name and maybe, if you’re lucky, remembers your favorite free drink. But here is the hitch - never expect it and never ask for it just tip well. So if you are cheap, stay home, drink by yourself and read the Wall Street Journal.

3. Don’t act like an idiot - It’s easy to act like you

Photo by Brock Kilgore

This lady is making sure that she is acting “right” in a bar.

know what you are doing on your first few trips to the bar, especially if you have used a fake ID. The best way to be accepted and eventually respected is to be that rookie that you are, and take a few ribs from the locals. Regulars, even if they look like they have been in that same bar stool for fifty years (and they might well have) are people too, and it really is their place. So don’t act like you own the place even if you have

been going there “like all semester.”

4. Find out what you like - I like a decent dive bar with a great juke box, cheap beer and real, working class people. Others might like a big noisy place with lots of people or a club where you can shake it. It doesn’t matter, it’s up to you, but remember to surround yourself with people you trust. Try playing music you like on the jukebox. Music is an icebreaker, and if you find the

right place with the right music, you just might find the right people.

5. Become a regular Familiarity is the key to drinking success. Seek out a watering hole where they like who you really are, you like them, and is close enough to home to either walk or take a cheap cab.

6. Don’t drink and drive - It has become a cliché that nearly everyone preaches, but few practice.

Having a car and a license

means having freedom, especially in college, but liquor is called ‘liquid courage’ for a reason. Drinking can make you feel invincible, and sometimes the difficulties in finding an alternative way home can make an “I’ll be fine” decision easy to make. But just imagine the difficulties involved in getting to school and work in a commuter town like Colorado Springs, and a commuter campus like UCCS. Now imagine killing someone. S

athletics

December 7 to December 13

Page 11

Looking under the hood of BCS system Ryan Adams

radams3@uccs.edu BCS, Cam Newton, Boise State, upsets, Championships and the Rose Bowl.

These nouns take life as universities across the nation approach the infamous college football bowl season.

Every sponsor from Tostitos to Beef ‘O’ Brady’s gets in on the 35 different bowl games that commence mid December with the New Mexico Bowl leading up to the Super Bowl of college football, the BCS National Championship game.

But before the matchups for each bowl are decided, it’s important to understand how this rigorous process works and unfolds. The BCS (Bowl Championship Series) is a selection system that creates five bowl matchups involving ten of the top ranked teams in the NCAA Division-I football.

The goal of the BCS is to determine the two best teams in college football so they can play for the

BCS National Championship and in turn, claim right and ownership of a national title.

The BCS system was created by using a combination of polls from across the nation; integral computer selection methods (extensive formulas) determine team rankings for BCS championship standings.

For example, if two or more teams share the same record, the BCS system determines the superior by combining coaches’ polls, AP polls and computer point ratings. The AP Poll uses opinions from all over the nation, the coaches’ poll uses opinions from coaches, and the computer point ratings use different point systems that factor in victories, strength of schedule and key losses.

While the BCS system has been under heavy scrutiny for its past selections and outcomes, there are those who argue a standard or typical playoff system would be the least biased way to make selections.

Photo by sportsfieldguide.com

Over the last several years, the BCS system has been under severe scrutiny to be replaced by a newer, revamped playoff system, which may eliminate biased selection processes of the past.

The playoff system would consist of eight teams which would determine the BCS bowls and more importantly would strengthen the filter of who competes in the national championship game.

Supporters of this implementation include President Barack Obama and notable college football announcer Brent Musburger, who both completely favor the playoff system. It would allow all teams who are undefeated in the regular

Mountain Lions open RMAC play with loss to Fort Lewis Alex Cramer acramer@uccs.edu The University of Colorado at Colorado Springs was unable to win their Rocky Mountain Athletic Conference opener as they fell to Fort Lewis College 78-65 last Friday at the Gallogly Events Center.

A tightly officiated game that saw a combined 50 free throw attempts came down to only a few crucial possessions, but in the end, none of them went the Mountain Lions’ way.

“We put ourself in a good position to take advantage of some good opportunities that we didn’t capitalize on,” said Coach Russ Canton. “When it comes down to it, that’s the difference between winning and losing bas-

ketball games.”

Fort Lewis started the game strong by hitting their first eight shots and jumping out to a 22-9 lead. UCCS cut the lead to 35-29 going into the half.

Jordan McClung led all Mountain Lions with 13 points, seven rebounds and three steals, while upand-coming point guard Damar Hill had a team high seven assists.

The UCCS bench had an outstanding night accounting for almost half the team’s scoring. Freshman Dalton Patten played tough minutes inside, while managing eight points and six rebounds against a tough Skyhawks frontcourt.

“They’re big and they’re more experienced,” said Patten. “We just gotta get

better play in the post and we would have had those guys.”

UCCS closed the gap to one at 57-58 with a McClung free throw at 7:01 left in the half but were never able to get closer than that the remainder of the game. UCCS shot just 4-22 from behind the arc.

Fort Lewis has received votes in the past two NABC/Division-II Basketball polls and could make its way into the top 25 very soon.

“We were playing a great basketball team,” added Caton. “That means there is very, very small room for error.”

UCCS dropped to 2-3 (0-1 RMAC) and will take on conference rival Colorado Mines Dec. 10 at the Gallogly Events Center at 8 p.m. S

Firefox has crashed.

season a fighting chance at the national title.

However, until an agreement is made across the board, the idea of a carefully calibrated playoff system is only a farfetched idea and the traditional BCS system will remain in place.

This year, there are still many legitimate contenders left that have a chance of making it to the national championship game. As of the beginning of December, the teams that still have a shot

include Auburn, Oregon and TCU, who are the only undefeated teams remaining.

If one of those three teams loses, the result may include the other two squads ending up in the BCS title game and most analysts predicted an Auburn vs. Oregon matchup.

If either of those teams loses, TCU should receive an opportunity of being crowned national champions.

Other BCS games may include a highly antici-

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pated Rose Bowl matchup with the best Big Ten Conference team (Wisconsin, Ohio State, Michigan State) versus the team that doesn’t make it to the BCS Title Game.

Overall, college football has been through a lot this season, but regardless of everything portrayed in the media, a winner will be crowned in less than a month. Only the polls, computer rankings and time will unveil who takes home the BCS title this year. S

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athletics

Page 12

December 7 to December 13

Despite 79-69 loss, Gold Night successful Ryan Piechowski rpiechow@uccs.edu Less than a week after taking down the Division-II national champions of Emporia State, the UCCS women’s basketball team was unable to knock off last year’s national runner-up in a 79-69 defeat against Fort Lewis on Dec. 3 during Gold Night at the Gallogly Events Center.

The Gold Night ceremony honored the Gallogly Events Center’s recent LEEDS Gold certification for excellence in energy efficiency.

Despite the fact that the team didn’t finish with the result they wanted, the Gold Night event went on successfully.

A great turnout to the game brought incessant chanting, face paint, and waving gold socks. The student body was more than excited to see the wave of support for the lady Mountain Lions. Freshman Matthew Cox mentioned, “It’s absolutely fantastic the support the school gets Photo by Chelsea Bartlett from all the students. Gold Night has been great with all the food and the gold Junior Payden Ackerman drives the ball up the court against Fort Lewis Dec. 3. Despite the tough effort, UCCS lost 69-79. socks, it gets everyone involved.”

Senior Jennifer Joern has noticed the lady Mountain Lions in their first RMAC behind attempt. A 17-5 Mountain Lion fight back down late in the game. increase in school spirit throughout her conference match of the season. The first run brought the score to within five “The most important thing is focusing three years at UCCS. half saw both teams trade leads before points; impressive three-point shooting on our defense intensity from the start,” “From the time I got here up to now, Fort Lewis took a 36-29 halftime lead. from Lauren Wolfinger and strong post she said. “We need to be more consistent the fan support for UCCS Athletics has The high-pressure defense from the play from junior forward Ashley Miller in our play so we don’t keep finding ourgrown dramatically. As long as the Skyhawks led to a poor 32 percent shoot- sparked the late-game effort, but despite selves in holes.” word keeps getting out about these great ing performance and 12 turnovers from the ladies determination, UCCS was un“We have heart,” Wolfinger later events, students will come and support UCCS in the opening twenty minutes. able to come back. added, “which is something that can’t be their Mountain Lions,” she added.

An early second half run by Fort Wolfinger finished with 24 points for coached or learned.”

And support is exactly what UCCS Lewis increased the deficit to 18 before the second time this season and shot a reThe women will return to the Gallogly received as the student section cheered UCCS improved their field-goal shoot- spectable 4-8 from three point range and Events Center Dec. 10 as they take on on another late comeback attempt by the ing and forged another late come-from- recognized the difficulty in continuing to conference rival Colorado Mines. S

Sports Buzz: Integral iPhone app saves player’s life; Lebron drops 38 points against his former Cavaliers

Matthew Crandall mcrandal@uccs.edu The first week of December gave birth to two incredible basketball stories for fans to embellish and appreciate; but they were on two entirely different ends of the headline spectrum.

Newly acquired Miami Heat forward, Lebron “King” James, returned to Cleveland Dec. 2, only to face an onslaught of a bitter, hostile, sold-out crowd at Cleveland’s Quicken Loan Arena, while across the nation in La Verne, California, an iPhone app played a significant role in saving the life of collapsed La Verene Lutheran High School basketball player, Xavier Jones, who went down during a team practice on Dec. 3.

First things first, let’s be-

gin with the latter (and more important) of the two.

One week prior to Jones collapsing, La Verene Basketball Head Coach Eric Cooper Sr. downloaded a $1.99 iPhone app called Phone Aid, which assists in renewing the steps and logistics of applying CPR (Cardio-Pulmonary Resuscitation). Cooper commented that coaches are required to be up-to-date on CPR and that the app served as a means to refresh on procedures.

Thanks to the swift and timely action by Cooper, the 6-foot-8-inch Jones was en route to recovery after paramedics burst upon the scene and stabilized him for transport to the hospital. According to www. news.cnet.com, Jones was diagnosed with, “hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, a condition in which the heart muscle myocardium thickens, making it harder for the heart to pump blood, [and] he’s been told he’ll have to get a defibrillator implanted in his chest.”

Unfortunately, Jones’ diagnosed heart condition

may not enable him to play basketball anymore, but then again, his 4.0 grade point average may open a lot of new and exciting opportunities for him after high school.

As an engineering major myself, it’s nice to come across a story like this that even during the midst of a bigger, better, faster technological haze of high-defthis and super-speed-that, man’s creation and evolution of machine can occasionally serve a purpose toward the well being of protecting life, not merely making it more luxurious.

Now, let us switch gears and add a little fuel to the fire of America’s loveto-hate-celebrities-andathletes mentality; just as a quick recap in case you were not aware of the Lebron James’ calamity hovering across the NBA over the last year or so, I’ll sum it up with a simple, yet effective, caveman dialect and cadence: “Lebron played for Cleveland. Lebron Cleveland’s best player. Lebron betrayed Cleveland. Lebron now play for Miami.

Cleveland basketball now suck.”

Some salient and minute details may have been omitted, but if you tuned in for the game Dec. 2 and witnessed the tyrannical, belligerent and obviously upset crowd of the Cavaliers, you know what I’m talking about. The sold-out crowd spewed aloud their lung-filled booing the moment Lebron stepped on the court, only to be silenced midway through the second quarter as Miami’s momentum never slowed a bit to a 118-90 victory.

James and company flat out embarrassed the Cavs on a night Cleveland fans most likely had circled on their calendars since last summer; despite the flare of “Queen” James teeshirts and other various forms of negative propaganda, Lebron didn’t lose a step en route to scoring his game-high 38 points in three quarters.

So, where do the Cavs go from here? They must rebuild and reinitialize the franchise for the future. They gambled in the

Photo Courtesy of 148apps.com

Thanks to the quick thinking of Coach Cooper, the CPR iPhone app, Phone Aid, saved the life of Xavier Jones.

2003 NBA Draft when they picked up James and for the next seven seasons they centered him around the organization, the city of Cleveland, and in some regard, the state of Ohio.

When you lose the one leg which holds everything together, the apparatus will

come crashing down; it’s a law of physics.

What I saw that night with the fans resembled anger and frustration, but just below the surface I believe both the Cavaliers and fans were still experiencing sadness, pain and doubt from his departure. S

December 7 to December 13

opinion

Page 13

How much longer can we tolerate intolerance?

Cherise Fantus cfantus@uccs.edu Intolerance for homosexuals in this country is growing downright – well – intolerable. Those who are intent on hating will use any event or occurrence to promote their intolerant agendas and persecute the homosexual community for any injustice – no matter how little they actually had to do with it.

We all remember 2001, when Jerry Falwell defended the actions of the terrorists on the day after 9/11 by saying that God was punishing America for allowing homosexuality to poison our homes.

The same radical fanatic stated that “AIDS is not

just God’s punishment for homosexuals; it is God’s punishment for the society that tolerates homosexuals” and “Homosexuality is Satan’s diabolical attack upon the family that will not only have a corrupting influence upon our next generation, but it will also bring down the wrath of God upon America.”

Talk about a nut-job.

At least he earns his paycheck, though, because it must take an awful lot of work to dig out irrational claims of that magnitude.

I’d certainly like to check out that guy’s wingspan. I can tell that he can reach pretty damn far.

We’ve all heard about the members of Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka Kansas, who protest at military funerals with signs with slogans such as, “Thank God for Dead Soldiers.” The church, whose website is www.godhatesfags.com, also claims that God is punishing America for tolerating homosexuality by killing our troops.

I don’t know which version of the Bible they are using, but I don’t recall any mention of killing innocent people to pay for the supposed sins of others in the Bible I’ve read. Do they print a special interpretation for insane people who use intolerance as a means of avoiding their own shortcomings?

The most recent injustice to hit the news was Loudoun County Board of Supervisors representative Eugene Delgaudio. She said that the new TSA security procedures are part of a “homosexual agenda.”

Nevermind homeland security and the protection of Americans. The only possible reason to ever pat down another person has to be that you want to get your rocks of touching his junk.

Since TSA has a nondiscrimination hiring policy, Delgaudio feels that it gives free reign to homosexuals to feel up anyone they please. In an email written by Delgaudio for

DEAR DEVI US DU

Dear Passionately Paranoid,

There is this great quote I thought of when I read your question. Well, it’s actually a song lyric, but that’s neither here nor there. It goes a little something like: “The past is only the future with the lights on.”

I like to think that it means we’re doomed to repeat ourselves, but at least we’ll see our mistakes coming the second time around.

Now ask yourself this: do you usually sleep with guys that are complete dicks to you? Or are they generally “really sweet” and “complete gentlemen?” Would I get farther with you by complimenting your eyes, or by hinting that maybe it’s time for you to get back in the gym?

I’m going to assume you get the point I’m trying to make.

Now, as a fellow member of the male population, let me defend your knight in shining armor (it’s our secret, unwritten code to protect our brothers looking to score). It’s possible that you’re different than these other 20 or so girls.

Hell, maybe he thinks you’re “the one” and he is putting all his eggs in your basket. And by “eggs in your basket,” I of course mean he’s trying to get some sex, even though you’ve only given him the boob so far.

Is it fair for you to judge this guy based on his past? No, not at all. If you’re going to run background checks on all of your potential suitors, you’re going to burn yourself out looking for the virgins who are waiting to get corrupted.

Actually, let me give you the guy from last week’s phone number.

At the end of the day, you’ve gotta ask yourself what you’re trying to get out of this whole experience. Are you looking for a quick trip to Bone City?

Then why judge him on his track record, because his experience should be appreciated!

Looking for your life partner? Well, I can’t say this guy isn’t marriage material, but while you’re running that background check on him, check his credit score. I don’t care how sweet he is; anything below 400 is a no-go.

-JD Osorio

Photo Courtesy of blog.equalitopia.com

The entire book of Genesis is actually about God rick-rolling Adam

the Public Advocate about TSA, he wrote, “It’s the federal employee’s version of the Gay Bill of Special Rights… That means the next TSA official that gives you an ‘enhanced pat down’ could be a practicing homosexual secretly getting pleasure from your submission.”

Don’t flatter yourself, sir. Nobody wants to fondle your junk. Nobody. Come to think of it, maybe that’s why he’s so upset. He’s

lashing out because he can’t get any. Sorry, buddy, but this is not going to improve your standing.

This guy also said in 2004 that anti-bullying efforts in local schools shouldn’t cover gay students. Apparently, teachers are supposed to just stand by and watch the kids get pummeled simply for being who they are. I’m sure if he had his way, the teachers would be encouraged to join in on the beating.

Honestly, I cannot wrap my head around how anybody could be so intolerant. How could one singular aspect of another human being be so intolerable that you feel they deserve to be bullied, persecuted or killed? How does their lifestyle impact yours at all? Nobody asked you to be homosexual. Nobody is trying to molest you. Let them live their lives, and you just go ahead and live yours. S

So I just started dating this guy, and I found out that he has had sex with over 20 girls. He is really sweet and has been a complete gentleman thus far. We have only kissed (okay, maybe he grabbed my boob too) but we have not done anything else. Should I be concerned? Should I even give this guy a chance?

Dear Please Use a Condom, Once upon a time, I met this boy who was both charming and intelligent. He was boyishly good looking, dressed well, oh and it didn’t hurt that he was loaded.

I remember one day I told him I liked his sweater; in my mind, it was more of a nicety than a serious compliment. He responded by telling me it cost him only a couple thousand dollars.

But he had a secret, and it wasn’t until last week that the truth came out in the form of 72 unsuspecting girls.

For all I know, that expensive sweater had herpes.

Speaking of sleeping around, according to “The Rawness,” a blog written by a man who probably spends too much time in bed already, it is much easier for women to rack up a long list of men than it is for a man to serenade his way between the covers with a woman.

For a male to have multiple partners it, “requires a combination of social intelligence, interpersonal skills, persistence and thick skin.” All a woman needs is a vagina and a pulse; it “requires absolutely no challenge, hence no one respects it,” he furthered.

Considering this, maybe we’ve found ourselves a couple vigilant war heroes.

But don’t be fooled, the majority of men seek the company of a one-night stand for a few reasons. He is genuinely self-conscious and requires the sexual confirmation to feel better about himself, he suffers from nymphomania, or he’s a complete scum bag.

Okay, so that was a little harsh and maybe there’s a better reason for his sexual conquests, but for the time being, play it safe.

And while his explorations are a red flag and should be taken seriously, they do not necessarily need to be a deal breaker. Well, unless he views STDs as battle scars.

If nothing else, give him a chance to redeem and prove himself to you. His willingness to commit to you, and only you, will be more than telling.

If he wants to keep things casual, then consider yourself nothing more than a tally mark in his little black book.

-Jessica Lynch

Have a question about relationships, love or...sex? Email your query to the Devious Duo at scribeonsex@gmail.com.

opinion December 7 to December 13

Page 14

The progression of Four Square from fifth grade to now

Jessica Lynch jlynch@uccs.edu When you’re in fifth grade, the cool kids are those who can survive and thrive in a game of four square. Students are divided by those who can battle and those who are too afraid to try.

I remember standing in line during recess praying that the girl in front of me would be an easy kill. If only she’d get nailed in the shin, start bleeding and be carted off to the hospital.

You don’t have any friends when you’re playing. It’s like Vietnam, or the Cold War, but worse.

People died from four square-induced humiliation.

At my school, four square was like the initiation into the human race. Only by surviving a game were you worthy of

moving up in school, or leading a successful life.

Those who failed in fifth grade were doomed to be failures in the future. It was a game of wits and luck, much like the game of life.

There were two four square courts painted onto the cement at my school.

There was one on either side of the playground, and the school split accordingly to play the game.

The kids on the East side were a bit mellow, a little passive-aggressive and only played because everyone else was doing it.

The kids on the west side – my side – were vicious, blood-sucking rabid dogs.

With one person in every square, the point of the game is to return the ball anytime it bounces in your square. It was a game of skill over strength, and as the big tough guys soon learned, slamming the ball with a force that would most definitely kill a bird and maybe even harm a small dog, was overrated.

It caused you to lose control, and foursquare was a game of measured strength. For many of these students, their ball would fly outside the

game’s boundaries, dooming them to the end of the line and utmost shame for the remainder of the day.

The goal, as you should all remember, is to stay alive by always returning the ball, keeping it in boundaries, and using all your skills to knock your classmates out of the game. You start in square one, but only by getting to square four are you considered a champion.

Champions were treated like the anti-Christ; you were scared of them and jealous, but you didn’t dare cross them. They ruled the playground with the firm hand of a practiced king or queen.

However, for most of them, their glory was short lived, and the next day, maybe even the next recess, their throne was at stake. The ultimate goal, of course, is to remain in the champion’s corner as long as possible.

It’s like “Lord of the Flies:” the champion is Ralph, and he’s going to be hunted like a wild animal until someone new is chosen to take his place and be the island’s leader.

However, after all the blood, gore and success

take advantage of the printing press instead.

So if you’re one of the many “politically correct” minded people out there reading this, keep reading, because if by the end of this article I haven’t managed to in turn tick you off, well let’s just say I’ll be very sad.

What better place to begin than the most recent of current events in the national media? Not long ago, a political commentator by the name of Juan Williams was fired from NPR radio for making the following statements on Bill O’Reilly’s Fox News cable network program, “The O’Reilly Factor,” “I mean, look, Bill, I’m not a bigot. You know the kind of books I’ve written about the civil rights movement in this country. But when I get on the plane, I got to tell you, if I see people who are in Muslim garb and I think, you know, they are identifying themselves first and foremost as Muslims, I get worried. I get nervous.”

Williams and his contract were subsequently terminated shortly after the

aforementioned remarks were made according to mediamatters.org.

And who can forget Bill O’Reilly’s most recent appearance on “The View,” which is primarily comprised of die-hard liberal females like Barbara Walters, Whoopi Goldberg and Joy Behar, who have their meat cleavers at the ready for conservative figures like O’Reilly before they even set foot in the parking lot. In the midst of a heated debate between O’Reilly and Behar, O’Reilly simply pointed out to Behar that 70 percent of Americans do not want a Muslim Mosque near ground zero.

When asked why by Goldberg, O’Reilly responded: “Because Muslims killed us on 9/11.”

Behar and Goldberg immediately walked off the set in response to O’Reilly’s “political incorrectness.” Instead of attempting to refute the claim (which happens to be true in every logical sense) like intelligent people would, Behar and Goldberg opted to kill/

Photo Courtesy of tryexcuses0.tripod.com

I know this looks innocent enough, like four little girls enjoying an afternoon in the sun, but wait just one minute and there will be blood, scraped knees and lots of crying.

of fifth and sixth grade, something happens, and your life will never be the same.

Because in eighth grade, four square is for losers.

And you think to yourself, “Look at those losers all standing in line wasting their time over a stupid, rubber ball.” So you point and laugh and revel in your newfound coolness because instead of playing games, you stand in

small groups saying nothing, and you spend more time staring at the other small groups and wondering what they’re saying to one another than doing anything fun yourself.

And so life continues without four square until you hit a point in life, like right now, when you think four square might actually be worth your time again.

You realize just how much you learned killing and

pillaging for victories.

You become nostalgic and you find yourself driving around town searching for a deserted square, so that maybe, just maybe, you could re-live your glory days. Because I mean, those were the best days, weren’t they?

I vote we play four square again, and in a greater sense than just a stalker-friendly iPhone app. S

censor the debate by walking off set.

Now I can sit here and research a plethora of examples of this kind of political cowardice for you, but I think I’ve made my point. And if you still don’t get it, then you’re probably just a moron. Both aforementioned events are pristine examples of why “political correctness” is nothing more than an accepted method for silencing the opinions (or even facts) that others wish to relay by those who can’t stand the truth. When someone can be fired from their job, an action which directly threatens one’s livelihood; it is, to say the least, a direct violation to our freedom of speech in the First Amendment.

Yet, aside from the obvious free pass to silence someone, which is exactly what “political correctness” offers, it also displays a growing sign of mental weakness. During the last few decades this has been encouraged in our society so as to prevent people from having their little “feelings” hurt.

When you look at other

countries, like Britain and Australia, it’s pretty much common practice to “tell it like it is.”

This is done without fear of reprisal, though I still don’t advise insulting Bubba the beet farmer after he’s had a few. I mean after all, if it has a bill, flat feet, wings, floats on water and goes “quack” it has to be a duck right? Wrong!

Though this would seem logical in England or Australia, there are many here in America (the Goldbergs and Behars) who would sooner have you believe the above characteristics describe an elephant. Political correctness is a stain on our society; it constricts the soul’s ability to breathe liberty. And yes, it’s really that simple. S

To hell with your ‘politcal correctness’

Stephen Farrell sfarrell@uccs.edu So I’ll just get straight to the point; political correctness has become a burden to free speech in American society. In fact, it can even be reasonably argued that the very idea of political correctness is a sort of “back door” approach to censorship.

And I’ll tell you what, the one thing that ticks me off the most in this world (with the exception of mayonnaise) is when someone speaks the truth and is immediately hosed down by those uncomfortable with it.

And while it seems that most people are increasingly turning to their Facebook statuses when something ticks them off, I think I’ll go ahead and

Photo Courtesy of gawker.com

Not pictured: Whoopi Goldberg’s meat cleaver

the

Scribble

“Still, if a statement cannot reasonably be interpreted to be one of express or implied fact, it cannot be libelous. This means that humor columns, spoofs, cartoons and satire are protected as long as readers understand that the material is not intended to be taken seriously.”

-Student Press Law Center

New York blacks out, people die been shut down.

Streetlights and traffic lights have been out of operation since the lighting of the tree on Nov. 30. Since that time, Manhattan has sunk into pure chaos. With nothing to regulate traffic, drivers are careening willy-nilly through the streets of Manhattan. There have been 374 accidents since the lighting of the tree, with more every minute.

Pedestrians no longer have the right of way. Trying to cross the street now resembles a game of “Frogger,” with pedestrians having to move strategically across the street, dodging cars and trucks along the way. While some have been able to beat the game, 936

Cherise Fantus cfantus@uccs.edu

The Christmas tree at Rockefeller Center has caused mass chaos, injuries and death this week. In this struggling economy, the city of New York can no longer afford to pay the electricity bill to keep the 30,000 lights on the Christmas tree at Rockefeller Center lit. In order to defray the costs, the city has shut down power to all public areas in the neighborhoods surrounding Rockefeller Center. While electricity paid for by private citizens, such as residences and businesses, will remain electrified, those paid for by the city have

The news in brief Student reads Scribble, doesn’t laugh

A student of the history department read the Scribble last week and didn’t laugh. Sophomore James Norbert, who reads the Scribble every week, sat down and read the article from beginning to end without so much as smirking.

“It just wasn’t funny,” he said, “You really shouldn’t make fun of the royal family; they’re good people.” While other students smiled, laughed, giggled and even chortled while reading the article, this particular student remained stoic throughout. His roommate, sophomore Landon Boltz, found the article hilarious. “I was on the floor!” said Boltz, “That dude needs to lighten up!”

S

Finals have been cancelled

Chancellor Pat Shocker-Zanzabar announced this week that finals have been cancelled. In a meeting of the department chairs last week, it was unanimously decided that finals were just too stressful for everyone. “They are under enough stress as it is. We don’t need to contribute to that by administering needless tests,” said Shocker-Zanzabar.

The meeting attendees all decided that since the real world is simply a piece of cake, administering stressful finals is an exercise in futility. “These kids need to be prepared for when they graduate, and I think that making their academic lives easier will really accomplish that,” said English Chair Sarah Tocknell, while Communications Chair Christina White simply shouted, “I’m going skiing!”

S

Students go to school to learn

In a surprising new study, results revealed that the number one reason students attend college is to get a job. It has long been believed that students only go to school for the parties, but it turns out that comes in a distant second. The study showed that 97 percent of students go to college to get good jobs; 2 percent go for the parties; 0.75 percent go because their parents make them; and 0.25 percent go because they simply got lost on the way to McDonald’s.

S

Santa Clause caught red-handed Santa Clause was arrested earlier this week after shoplifting in a local Walmart. An employee caught him stuffing a Barbie Doll down his pants, and proceeded to call the authorities. Police arrived and cuffed the jolly fat man, though by this point he was no longer very jolly. He burst into tears and said through the sobs, “I guess it had to come out sooner or later. We don’t really make the toys. I mean, do you really think an elf could build a Barbie Doll with a stupid hammer and a block of wood?” He spent the night in jail, but was released on bail pending his court date.

-Cherise Fantus

have gotten the “Game Over.”

“I think it’s fun! I always loved playing ‘Frogger’ when I was a kid. I am the master, and I haven’t lost yet,” commented long-time pedestrian and “Frogger” enthusiast Michael Melmer.

While it’s a game to some, it’s a nightmare to emergency workers and hospital staff. Police, fire fighters and EMTs have been working around the clock to respond to the nonstop onslaught of car accidents. Hospitals have been overflowing with accident victims.

Nurse Terry Hellman, who hasn’t slept in three days, said, “Hla miln cra-

Photo Courtesy of wallpaperpimper.com

Soon the gamers of New York will be the only ones left, having learned to survive and thrive in the game of “Frogger.”

flicks bleck.” I don’t know what that means, but I hope she gets some sleep soon.

In spite of all the chaos,

TOP TEN

Things to regift

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Fruit cake

The Best of Michael Jackson

The lovely flaming bag those darling kids left on your porch

Big Mouth Billy Bass

The sweater your mom knitted – say you made it

Pink bunny pajamas – your nephew, Ralphie will love them Your mom – she gets passed around enough, anyway

This week’s Scribe wrapped in last week’s Scribe Label Maker

Herpes – it’s the gift that keeps on giving

-Scribe Staff

city officials are not planning on restoring power to the traffic lights anytime soon.

“People love the tree,” said Mayor Bloomberg, “That’s really the most important thing right now.” S

Jessica Lynch

like she hadn’t showered in days, explained, “You know that game, Snake?

And how it was like the first game on the original cell phone decades ago that all our parents had? Well, its back. And it’s bigger and more serious than ever. People die over this shit.”

According to a few students who wish to remain anonymous, Beyers was using social outcasts to play the game for her as she went about her daily life. When they failed and the snake crashed into the walls of the game, which is what happened to these students, Beyers would find them and scare them nearly to death.

No longer afraid, Coons, Beyers’ first victim, came forward and shared, “She told me if I didn’t play for her and get her a high score she’d throw away my Ninja Turtles pillow.”

As of yesterday, Beyers was taken to Pueblo’s mental hospital, where her addiction to Snake will translate into a daily shock therapy regiment.

She is expected to make a complete recovery, but will not be allowed to have any friends, eat peanut butter or play with her kitten named Samsonite ever again. S

Snake takes lives and eats them too jlynch@uccs.edu Last week, UCCS student, Lucy Beyers was seen yelling at a Susie Coons, a freshman with no friends and a lot of time on her hands, outside Kraemer Family Library. Another student was found hiding behind one of the pillars during the incident, and explicitly explained, “I don’t want to talk about it.”

A few days later, Beyers was seen just inside Columbine gripping the wrist of Timothy Sheer, a timid sophomore with glasses and bad breath.

When asked about the incident, students at the scene refused to comment, but whispers of snake killers and missed opportunities were heard through the halls.

In the third floor women’s restroom of Dwire, Justine Showzer was found curled up on the floor whimpering and mumbling incoherently.

She later told her friend Sally Shuzer, who told Professor Whimsley who explained to campus police, “I have failed and now I’m going to die. I’ll never be allowed on Facebook again.”

After being brought in for further questioning, Showzer, who looked

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