Jan. 23, 2012

English Dockside Seafood and Grill

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Monday, January 23, 2012 Vol. 36, Iss. 17

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The Colorado Springs bomb squad visited the Science and Engineering building to teach high school students about the challenges and limitations faced when employing robots in the field. Students had the chance to play with several of the robots at the end of a brief lecture.

New courses in cognitive archaeology to be offered soon Lucas Hampton

lhampton@uccs.edu Professors Thomas Wynn and Frederick Coolidge have long been in the process of developing new courses that will provide students with the opportunity to earn a certificate in cognitive archaeology.

The courses, some of which are already up and running, will be offered through the new Center for Cognitive Archaeology. The courses will be offered as a mix of lectures on campus and online courses; as such, they will allow for students at the undergraduate and graduate levels, as well as professors and experts from across the world, to participate in the courses.

The Center for Cog-

Inside this

Issue

nitive Archaeology is still in its youth, explains Coolidge; however, the idea had been percolating in the minds of Coolidge and Wynn for quite some time.

“Professor Wynn and I had been colleagues for 20 years,” Coolidge explained, “and we never said anything but hello.”

However, in 2001, Coolidge was developing an idea concerning the cognitive abilities of Neanderthals, particularly whether or not they had language. Coolidge admitted that, at the time, “I didn’t know anything about anthropology,” so he visited the office of Wynn, who was associate dean at the time.

It was fortuitous that the office Coolidge walked into happened to be the office of an anthropologist

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Excercise is Medicine page 3

who pioneered the field of cognitive archaeology.

Ten years, numerous articles and three books later, the two are creating the Center for Cognitive Archaeology. The center, as explained by Wynn, is simply “an idea that exists on paper and in the minds of Wynn and Coolidge;” it is more of an administrative entity that allows Wynn and Coolidge to offer courses in cognitive archaeology without taking resources away from other departments.

“It wouldn’t be a department,” said Wynn, “so it wouldn’t come with all the baggage that can be associated with a department...which allows us to focus on [more specialized] issues.”

“The major reason we went with a center, as opposed to an emphasis in

a department, is that the approach is truly interdisciplinary,” he said.

At this point, the center is still in its infancy; however, the center, the courses and the certificate should be fully online and available by the end of 2012.

The courses that will be offered, to name but a few, include Cognitive Evolution, History of Cognitive ArchaeolPhoto by Nate Jones ogy, Rock Art The new center will offer more opportunities for students. and Hominid Paleoneurology. those who are interested which is offered this Although not all of the courses are in the program can enroll yet available to students, in Cognitive Evolution, Continued on page 2...

culture

“Are you there, Chelsea?” page 7

opinion

sports

Unemployment page 11

Indoor Track page 14

News

Page 2

January 23, 2012

Frozen salaries begin to thaw Cognitive archaeology courses April Wefler awefler@uccs.edu

The economy might still be in a recession, but after years of stagnant salaries, the University was able to allocate enough funds to give raises to a select few.

In April of last year, the University met its budget target for the first time in three years. Vice Chancellor Brian Burnett explained that there are more students now than three years ago, and this helps out financially.

But it wasn’t just an increase in the number of students that allowed for more money in the budget. There was also an end to two years of general salary freezes that had been caused by Colorado’s budget situation.

“Many employees are making less than they did three years ago,” said Burnett. He added that some employees might now be making the same because of a 2-3 percent increase.

That increase is due to certain employee bonuses – or, as Burnett referred to them, a non-base building

award.

The Board of Regents approved a non-base building award back in April, but they weren’t administered until last October. The University wasn’t able to give the award to every employee.

There are four different types of campus employees: classified employees, exempt professionals, faculty members and student workers. Classified employees, such as groundskeepers and custodians, are governed by the state and comprise a third of the campus workforce.

Out of the four groups, only classified employees were eligible for the nonbase building award. The ratings from the employees’ latest performance evaluations determined if they received the pay raise.

Classified employees with a rating of two or three were rewarded with a 3 percent pay increase.

If an employee was given a one, it indicated that he or she needed improvement.

Burnett mentioned that there were very few ones.

A two rating meant that

the employee met expectations and if the employee received a three, he or she exceeded expectations.

Out of the employees who earned two or three, some received a 3 percent increase and some received more than 3 percent, depending on performance. The campus had to stay within the 3 percent pool allotted to them.

Burnett mentioned that the raises were given because the campus has to take care of its people.

“When you think of a campus, a lot of people think buildings, grounds.

I would suggest that the most valuable resource of UCCS is our people,” said Burnett.

He added that the people are the reason that students come back to class and feel safe. “We lose sight of what our most valuable asset is. Our most valuable asset is our people,” said Burnett.

Burnett indicated that the campus has to take care of its own, just like it takes care of the buildings.

“We have to take care of the people who provide instruction and care about our students’ future.” S

the

(continued from page 1) Spring semester.

Senior Klint Janulis, who has completed the class, says that the inception and actualization of the center was “the deciding factor” in his decision to pursue graduate work at UCCS. “The University is fortunate to have a pair of professors with such intellectual firepower,” he said.

Lee Overmann, a graduate student in the psychology master’s program who is currently studying

cognitive archaeology with Wynn and Coolidge, says that after having helped draft the center’s charter, she wants to earn the program’s first certificate.

“This is a cutting-edge field,” she explained, “and the certificate serves to highlight academic accomplishment within it.”

The new center is already attracting students who attend UCCS, but in all actuality, “most students who have asked

about graduate work [in cognitive archaeology] have been foreign students,” said Wynn.

Because of this, the center will offer most of the classes as either oncampus or online, which is sure to stimulate the growth rate of our already blossoming school.

For those students who are interested in cognitive archaeology, the center will have a website up by the end of the Spring semester. S

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News

January 23, 2012

Page 3

Exercise is Medicine with Altitude club brings a national health campaign to UCCS Kaitlin Nelson knelson6@uccs.edu

“Classes, busyness, laziness probably, tired from classes, plus work.”

These are all excuses that Katie Gray, a senior in biology, has heard given for not exercising on a regular basis.

Most students know that they should be working out often for their health’s sake, but it just doesn’t always happen.

One club on campus plans to change that.

The Exercise is Medicine with Altitude club

The Lowdown What: Excercise is Medicine with Altitude Kickoff Event When: Tuesday, Jan. 24, noon Where: Upper Lodge How much: Free!

More Info: eim.w.altitude@ gmail.com

seeks to educate and encourage students on campus toward a healthier lifestyle by emphasizing the importance of regular physical activity.

The program on campus was started by Rachel Cline, a master’s student in health promotion, as a class project. Since then, it has grown significantly and even placed sixth at the American College of Sports Medicine’s national “Active U Challenge” contest.

“The Exercise is Medicine with Altitude club is based off the Exercise is Medicine on Campus campaign, and this is a national campaign brought out from the American Heart Association and the ACSM, which is the American College of Sports Medicine,” Cline explained.

“They have brought out this campaign to encourage physical activity on college campuses.”

She added, “[There are] different ways you can do this: through a screening process, through intervention or simply through information and education. We have been doing education and screen-

Photo by Alex Gradisher

Staff member Jennifer O’connell (left) and senior psychology major Lyda Sabolik (right) get their cardio in. ing, and this semester we’re going to be rolling out some intervention.”

These goals are supported by a couple of key partners on campus who plan to interact with students on a serious level.

One of the partners to the Exercise is Medicine with Altitude program is the Student Health Center.

Cline said, “It becomes

one of their vital signs.

So as [a student is] getting blood pressure done and everything like that, they also get asked about their physical activity habits and what that looks like on a day-to-day basis. If they do not meet the federal recommendation of 150 minutes of physical activity per week, which has to be within moderate to vig-

orous intensity, they get referred to the Rec Center.”

Referrals can be “redeemed” at the Recreation Center, the other support partner for the program, and include free goodies such as a group fitness pass.

Do students get in that recommended 150 minutes? “Probably not,” said Amanda Stinson, a junior in nursing. “Time is short for all of us.”

“We all have studying and homework to do, and working out tends to come last.”

When introduced to the idea of Exercise is Medicine, Stinson said, “That would be great. It would be motivating to have it right here on campus.”

Kat Bittner, working on her secondary education certificate in English, thinks that motivation could also translate to action. She said, “I know it would for me. It’s something I would probably take advantage of. It never hurts to at least get the information out there and make it available.”

Information is indeed a focus for the Exercise is Medicine with Altitude club. Each week, they publish a tip for students to

help them create and meet health goals. These tips can be found under Student Health Center news (uccs. edu/~shc/news.html).

One of the biggest ways that the program is getting the word out is through their kickoff event this week.

Cline said, “The kickoff event is going to be a big celebration of the campaign on our campus.

There’s a national speaker coming in, and she’s from Slippery Rock University in Pennsylvania. Her name is Carena Winters.”

She added, “She was part of the first Exercise is Medicine on Campus launch event at a different university, so it’s cool to have her there.”

Winters has been helping to plan the kickoff event as well as preparing to speak at it.

In addition to the guest speaker, Cline will also be presenting.

The group is also bringing in a DJ for dancing.

The Exercise is Medicine with Altitude club does not have a set meeting time currently, but students wishing to get involved are encouraged to attend the kickoff event. S

Vice Chancellor Brian Burnett to serve on Colorado Springs Downtown Partnership board Looking to bring more appeal to the downtown area of Colorado Springs, Vice Chancellor Brian Burnett was recently selected to be the vice president of the Colorado Springs Downtown Partnership.

The organization, which is volunteer-based, is the leader for promoting the downtown area to the citizens of the city as well as making it more of an attraction for tourists when they visit Colorado Springs.

Burnett, who has served on the board for a few years, was asked by Ron Butlin, executive director of the Downtown Partnership, to become the vice president of the organization. Sam Eppley, owner of Sparrow Hawk Gourmet Cook-

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that.”

Besides making the downtown area more college student friendly, Burnett wants to make the area more attractive to all walks of life. “A downtown area is a cultural and social center to a city. A town needs a great urban downtown to be a great city,” stated Burnett. “The main goal is to make the area more inviting to everyone: families, tourists, college students and all ages,” he furtherd.

As vice president, Burnett hopes to bring more popularity to the area and advance interest in what the downtown area has to offer. By going to the website www. downtown80903.com, anyone can see what the downtown of Colorado Springs has to offer. S

The main goal is to make the area more inviting to everyone: families, tourists, college students and all ages.

ware will serve as the new president while retired pastor Gay Hatler will serve as the secretary and treasurer.

As the vice president of the Colorado Springs Downtown Partnership, Burnett will have a couple of main responsibilities.

“As vice president, if Sam isn’t there, I chair the board,” Burnett said.

“Besides that, I work with the city, the mayor and the merchants of all the downtown stores to see what we can do to make the downtown area a more vibrant part of the city,” he furthered.

Burnett wants to also make the downtown area more attractive to the students of UCCS.

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Ryan Adams radams3@uccs.edu

“The University has a small presence downtown there with some of our art, but I also want the students to have a downtown experience like many other college students get around the country,” said Burnett.

The downtown area is not far from UCCS and Burnett thinks having a good downtown area is critical.

“For students coming to UCCS, I think that it is important we have a great downtown area since our campus isn’t too far away,” Burnett stated.

“You have to think, as a person overlooking this organization, what attracts people to come to a city? I think a vibrant downtown is a big part of

Photo by Robert Solis

Vice Chancellor Brian Burnett was voted to be vice president of the Colorado Springs Downtown Partnership.

News

Page 4

January 23, 2012

Daphne Greenwood brings a fresh theory of economics to campus Daphne Greenwood has been teaching UCCS students about the field of economics for the better part of 30 years. But this is not the dull, dry, formulaic economics that people are used to: Greenwood is part of a movement in economics that focuses on a holistic view of the world, rather than the cut-anddry policies that currently drive our nation.

“Environmentalism is not separate from economics,” she said.

In 2010, Greenwood worked with Richard P.F. Holt, a professor at Southern Oregon University, to publish a book titled, “Local Economic Development in the 21st Century: Quality of Life and Sustainability.” This book is now one of the textbooks for ECON 3770, Econom-

ic Development.

Greenwood’s ideas are a fusion of sustainability and economic theory. They are a fairly significant departure from “mainstream” economic theory.

“I’m more of an alternative economist­ – I’m more edgy.”

According to Greenwood, our current focus on just the formulas of economics is flawed.

“Economics is not just about numbers, it’s about people,” she said. “The economy is there to serve people, not people to serve the economy.”

She also believes that students are quite important to the local environment and economy.

“Students have a vote,” she said. “Interested citizens are another arm of the legislature.”

She fully supports the sustainability projects that

ing professor in 1980, and two years later was asked to stay on as a permanent faculty member. She also spent a year at the Treasury Department in Washington D.C., and was a Professor I’m more of an of Honors at the Naval Academy alternative economist in Annapolis. Ad- I’m more edgy. ditionally, she has served two terms Greenwood’s journey in the Colorado State to her current view of eco- House of Representatives, nomics started back in the representing District 17 1970s. She had taken an which encompasses southintroductory economics ern Colorado Springs and course, and found some- Fort Carson. thing very different than This stint as a represenshe had expected. “I was tative affected her view on fascinated by it,” she said. economics. “[These ex“It’s a whole different way periences] broadened my of looking at the world.” interests in the economy,” She was also concerned she said. about the demographics of While many economists the economic field. “Wom- focus on efficiency, Greenen were very underrepre- wood believes that is the sented,” she said. “They wrong way to look at it. still are.”

“People are often more inGreenwood was in- terested in fairness than in vited to UCCS as a visit- efficiency,” she said. S

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the campus has moved forward with. In fact, sustainability is a major theme in her book. She said, “Students can have an impact on the environment now.”

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Aaron Collett acollett@uccs.edu

Photo by Ariel Lattimore

Professor Daphne Greenwood is dedicated to her work with business and economics.

Culture

January 23, 2012

Page 5

Office of Student Activities seeks vendors, students for first annual craft fair Sara Horton shorton@uccs.edu

Few people’s artistic abilities have progressed much since the days of cutting up construction paper and gluing macaroni to paper plates.

But for those who demonstrate a more advanced knack for woodwork, knitting and every hobby in-between, there is now an opportunity to showcase those talents.

The Office of Student Activities is accepting vendor applications until April 1 for its first annual Spring Craft Fair on April 28. The fair, which will include food, handmade items and more, will be from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m. at the Gallogly Events Center.

OSA Assistant Director Mitch Karstens pitched the idea for a craft fair after attending a conference at NACA, the National Association for Campus Activities.

“When he asked me to help do it, I was really excited,” said Event Coordinator Michelle Wood, adding that she has attended craft fairs throughout

her life.

“As far as what we’re accepting, we just want to look for a variety of things.

We plan to – and the way it’s going, it’s going good – have something for everyone…especially college students.”

While the fair caters to students, it also encourages their involvement.

“Our office is to engage our student community,” said Wood, “so we would love nothing more than to have student vendors come out and support our school and we’ll support their work.”

For $75, a vendor can reserve a 10-by-10 foot space. An electrical outlet or additional table costs $10 per amenity. Nonprofit organizations can either receive a $10 discount on their $75 fee, or they can opt for a free extra table or electricity.

In preparation for the upcoming fair, Wood estimated that she and fellow event coordinator Denise Perez, who is planning the food aspect of the fair, attended between 10 and 15 local craft fairs last fall.

They contacted 40 to 50 fair vendors, and OSA has advertised in craft fair

Club

networks to attract more.

Candle business Scentsy, handbag maker ThirtyOne and Aura Woods are among the vendors that have already reserved spaces.

The Spring Craft Fair will mark a new annual tradition at UCCS. “We are putting up all the measures to make it a great success, and so we plan to then have it every year,” said Wood. She receives five to 10 emails a day requesting more information about the fair, she said.

Based on the interest that the fair has generated, she described the possibility of an overflow as “very positive.” If Gallogly proves too small to accommodate vendors, the event will spread into the GOCA room.

Even those who don’t have anything to sell are encouraged to browse.

“I think it’s something that if you’re in the area, you should come and try out even if you’ve never been to a craft fair before,” said Wood.

“I know it’s going to be right before graduation, so there’s going to be great graduation presents there, great Mother’s Day pres-

Photo by Alex Gradisher

Vendors can reserve a space at the Spring Craft Fair on April 28 for $75. ents. I think it’s something that will become a huge tradition on this campus and will really bring our

community together.”

Vendors must first fill out an application, which can either be received

by emailing Wood at mwood4@uccs.edu or by visiting OSA’s website (uccs.edu/osa). S

Spotlight

Youth for Ron Paul aims to get students excited about liberty, campaigning Jesse Byrnes jbyrnes@uccs.edu

He is one of six Republican candidates still in the presidential race and arguably in the top two.

In getting the youth vote, the campaign is entirely energetic, and Youth for Ron Paul aims to bring that energy to the UCCS campus.

The club, which has been meeting for the last two semesters and currently has about 10 members, hopes to inspire students to get to know GOP candidate Ron Paul and get involved in spreading his message.

“The motive in here is to get students involved in the national campaign,” said Matt Hollander, president of the club.

A key issue for Hollander is the issue of liberty. He listed the war and bringing our troops home

as major issues that many would support.

On the topic of drug use, Hollander said that while Paul is not pro-drug use, he believes that each state should have the ability to run and decide for themselves. “Paul supports liberty and the right to choose,” he said. “States should run themselves.”

Some members work with Students for Responsible Drug Policy and Campaign for Liberty on campus.

As stated on the UCCS website, Youth for Ron Paul’s mission is “To elect Ron Paul president in 2012 [and] to bring our members together to run Ron Paul’s campaign at UCCS.” Hollander said that the Paul campaign is all about getting people interested in politics.

Describing the other GOP candidates as “fake” and part of the political establishment, Hollander and

other members said that Paul’s consistency is what makes him stand out.

Members noted how corporations and Wall Street bankers have contributed to the Romney campaign, while Paul’s support comes largely from grassroots organizations, with 70 percent of contributions being under $100.

The Paul campaign is run entirely by volunteers, many having never been involved in politics before, Hollander said.

Citing the recent McCain endorsement of Mitt Romney, a club member discussed how Romney and other candidates remain a part of the establishment, while Paul aims to revitalize the system.

Dan Mueller, a former UCCS student who attended in the mid-1990s, has been attending the club meetings at the University for several weeks now.

“The establishment Republicans have made it very clear that their choice is Romney,” Mueller said.

He mentions how, through Ron Paul, he has found common ground with those completely opposite of his political beliefs.

“Obama comes into office, and people are hoping for change. Unfortunately, there is more of the same,” he said.

“I don’t know anyone who agrees with him [Paul] 100 percent, but everyone I know that has spent five minutes looking into the guy knows that he’s a man of integrity.”

Mueller points to Paul’s integrity as a reason for getting involved in his campaign. “[Paul] means what he says and says what he means. He doesn’t just pander to a crowd,” he said.

“It doesn’t matter who he’s in front of, he’ll tell

you what he believes.”

Youth for Ron Paul members encourage students to come to a meeting and sign a petition to get Paul to come and speak at the UCCS campus, something that would take place ahead of the Feb. 7 caucus.

The club is open to anyone who is enthusiastic and desiring leadership experience in the election process.

In association with Campaign for Liberty, students have the opportunity to attend various conventions to get leadership experience, and Youth for Ron Paul is considering setting up a meeting time during the week as well.

The club is keeping a close eye on Paul’s national campaign, looking primarily at the upcoming Florida primary.

While Hollander predicts Romney and Paul will be the two candidates

going all the way to the convention, the one who will be in the lead is the question.

Despite Romney winning Iowa and New Hampshire, those campaigning for Paul remain optimistic.

For Hollander and others in Youth for Ron Paul, the election is far from over.

“It’s a two-man race,” Hollander said, “[and] we’re here to win.” S

The Lowdown What: Youth for Ron Paul When: Saturdays at 1 p.m.

Where: University Center, next to Clyde’s (room’s vary) More Info: Matt Hollander mhollan2@uccs.edu 970-219-0310

Culture

Page 6

January 23, 2012

‘The Devil Inside’ has absolutely no talent inside Aaron Collett acollett@uccs.edu Rating: The scariest movie I’ve ever seen is “The Ring.”

The imagery of the woman in the black dress coming out of the picture in the video scared me silly.

“The Devil Inside” wishes that it could provoke that kind of fear response. It’s pretty much the worst movie I’ve seen in a long, long time.

The movie tells the story of Isabella Rossi (Fernanda Andrade), a young woman whose mother, Maria Rossi (Suzan Crowley), becomes possessed and kills three people during an exorcism.

The Vatican takes control of the case and puts the elder Rossi into its psychiatric hospital in Vatican City. Isabella Rossi is told that her mother simply went crazy.

Twenty years later, she is told the truth about the exorcism. She goes to Vatican City to investigate and works with a pair of priests (Simon Quarterman and Evan Helmuth) who are performing “black market” exorcisms not sanctioned by the Church.

They agree to take her case and discover whether Maria Rossi is, in fact, possessed.

The story ends up having too much unintentional humor. At one point, a priest is prevented from killing an infant, a scene that should not prompt so much as a smile.

While the filmmakers obviously wanted this scene to be tense with a “Will he do it?” moment, Helmuth’s poor acting made the entire scene funny rather than suspenseful.

“The Devil Inside” also tried for the shock aspect, with lots of sudden screaming, contortionism and blood. Once again,

Colorado Springs’

Best Kept Secrets Aaron Collett acollett@uccs.edu Despite its Britishsounding name, you won’t find any kippers or pasties on the menu at The English Dockside Seafood and Grill.

Thomas English began the restaurant in 2004 and gave the restaurant his name. He had moved from Florida, and when looking for a good seafood restaurant in the area, found nothing.

English said, “When I got out here, there was no place for me to eat!”

The English Dockside is now a Colorado Springs fixture. The restaurant won Best Seafood Restaurant in 2006, and the Gazette has given the venue its Dining Guide Winner award.

When asked what he recommended from the menu, English laughed.

“Everything. You can close your eyes and point at the menu, and it’ll be good.”

Most of the menu consists of different varieties and preparations of breaded fish. English can grill, fry and bread any kind of fish in almost any conceivable way.

In addition to the everpresent fried fish, choices include po’boys, hamburgers and lobster. It even offers crawfish tails and brews its own sweet and un-sweet tea.

“No bottled [tea] here,” said Calvin Thornton, one of English’s employees.

English attributes his success to his menu. “I designed [the menu] around what I like. I guess a lot of people like the same things I like.”

Thornton accredits it to the welcoming environment for which the restaurant strives.

“It’s not about me,” he said. “It’s about the customers. We’ve got a great atmosphere, come in and have a conversation, the staff is friendly, and before you know it, your food’s in front of you.”

“We’re not a fast-food place,” English added.

The restaurant itself feels like an island beach bar. There are plastic fish adorning the walls with “bubbles” (clear glass beads) rising from their mouths. Fishing poles with fake fish on their lines hang from the ceiling.

English isn’t just in it for the food and atmosphere,

it was like the filmmakers had heard about shock films, but had never actually seen one.

When viewers are introduced to the subject of the first exorcism, she is shown popping her shoulder and hip joints out of place with the appropriate popping and grinding.

My only thought was that that would either feel really good, or kind of hurt. There was no instinctual grimace reaction.

The movie was not scary. That is the one thing that horror writers have to be able to do – cause fear, or at least startle you.

This movie was able to do that exactly once with a barking dog. That’s all. A dog barked. But everyone in the theater jumped.

That would be good horror writing if I thought the writers had done it on purpose. Unfortunately, the rest of the movie did not live up to that one scene.

The filmmakers used a documentary style similar

to “The Blair Witch Project” and “Cloverfield.”

While this can contribute to an immersive feel to a piece, it often is simply distracting.

There was so much fail packed into the 1 1/2 hour showing that I could hardly believe it. At one point, a character in the hospital attacks another patient and is, for all intents and purposes, having a seizure.

A Catholic priest tells the nurse, “It’s all right – I’m a priest.” The nurse not only accepts this claim at face value, but she leaves the dangerously unstable patient with him.

The priest then takes the patient from the hospital. Hospitals do not work that way! Not even in Vatican City.

“The Devil Inside” markets itself as “The movie that the Vatican does not want you to see!” The only reason I can see for the Vatican not wanting anyone to see this movie is compassion for those

Image courtesy of thedevilinside.com

“The Devil Inside” falls short of expectations. poor souls who haven’t spent money on it yet.

This movie is definitely not worth seeing in the

theater, and once it hits Netflix, should only be watched while incredibly intoxicated. S

English Dockside Seafood and Grill though. Each month, he hosts Charity Tuesdays.

On the first Tuesday of every month, 15 percent of that day’s profits go to a charity that changes every month. In January, the charity was Care and Share.

It also has deals on a regular basis. Currently, English Dockside is offering All-you-can-eat Fish Fridays. If you buy a drink, you can get a bottomless plate of fish for $13.95.

English only requests that there be no sharing or takeout with that meal. S

The Lowdown What: English Dockside Seafood and Grill When: Lunch: Tuesday - Saturday 11 a.m. - 2 p.m.

Dinner: Tuesday - Thursday 5 p.m. - 8 p.m.

Friday - Saturday 5 p.m. - 9 p.m.

Where: 2220 Academy Pl. How much: Entrees range from $10 - $30

Photo by Alex Gradisher

Owner Thomas English prepares fried catfish and french fries.

Culture

January 23, 2012

Page 7

‘Are You There, Chelsea?’ struggles with bad casting, even worse jokes Sara Horton shorton@uccs.edu Rating: Comedian Chelsea Handler’s new NBC sitcom is so unsure of itself that in its name, there is a question. The answer: Yes, Chelsea is here, but she needs to be more than an infrequent visitor on her show for it to survive.

“Are You There, Chelsea?” is loosely based on Handler’s bestselling memoir, “Are You There, Vodka? It’s Me, Chelsea,” which translates to television with disappointing results.

Handler, best known for her risqué humor and E! talk show “Chelsea Lately,” provokes the

show’s few laughs. Unfortunately, her moments onscreen are too scarce to make much of an impact.

She plays Sloane, her overbearing older sister.

Although Handler may be too old to play a younger version of herself, “Are You There, Chelsea?” might have fared better if Chelsea could have been, well, Chelsea.

Instead, Laura Prepon of “That ‘70s Show” is Chelsea, a waitress at a sports bar who starts the show behind bars for driving under the influence.

Even while wearing a brown wig and an enormous fake baby bump, Handler steals attention from Prepon with her trademark snark.

Sloane bails out Chelsea and informs her, “I

really enjoyed using a prison toilet for the first time, and hopefully my unborn baby will enjoy her chlamydia.”

If that sampler was

used it to benefit others by giving advice about how to be smart on the Internet.

He believes that focusing on educating younger kids and high school students on Internet safety has left out many college students, who may not know how easy it is to upload party pictures to Facebook or to tweet while under the influence of alcohol.

College students should know the repercussions of their actions, but Ivester explains how using the Internet is natural to students and actions are often taken without thought.

With all of the emphasis already placed on Internet safety in high school, this book will most likely be a boring review for college students.

If you did not get the idea then, you probably never will, and you’re even less likely to read about Internet etiquette. “lol…OMG!” takes a look at several examples of Internet and social media mishaps to put the issue in perspective.

Recall the picture of Miley Cyrus and friends pulling at the corners of their eyes that made its way on to the Internet.

While Cyrus defended her picture and said it was not a racial slur of any kind, people were

still insulted.

Ivester uses this example to show that when you are uploading pictures onto Facebook or posting a status, you are subject to attention and scrutiny (even if it was only meant to be funny).

This section of the book is pretty specific to college but ultimately goes back to everything students have been taught: You are responsible for what you post.

Beyond the general cyber-bullying and safety-setting advice, Ivester also explains what actions to take if you become a target of other people’s “lol…

OMG!” moments.

Also included is advice on how to reshape your online image and enhance your reputation for college recruiters, employers and yes, even dates.

Taking the time to read this book could surprise you about how status posts and “likes” can affect the rest of your life, but none of this is new.

If any of this does sound like groundbreaking stuff, then “lol...OMG!” could be worth your time.

The rest of us have enough reading as is.

S

offensive enough to your sensibilities, don’t bother tuning in for another episode. Although Handler is usually effective at merging the vulgar and

hilarious, the punch lines in “Are You There, Chelsea?” tend to only be the former.

Chelsea’s character is no more engaging and

Photo courtesy of nbc.com/are-you-there-chelsea

Laura Prepon falters at her starring role in “Are You There, Chelsea?”

does little to reclaim her spotlight. She should be brimming with snippy retorts, but Prepon is too modest and cutesy to resemble Handler at any capacity.

When she meets her roommate Dee Dee, a wide-eyed virgin who can’t watch hot tub scenes from “The Bachelor” because they’re “too dirty,” Chelsea almost seems pleased with the arrangement.

To top it off, a laugh track fills in the awkward silences. It can be jarring and obnoxious, especially when Dee Dee busts out a lengthy cat impression. At least someone’s laughing at this show.

“Are You There, Chelsea?” may be able to save itself with more time, but the pilot already feels like more than enough. S

‘lol…OMG!’ advises college students on Internet safety Kara Mason kmason@uccs.edu Rating:

Everybody has said or done something that was supposed to be funny (lol) and turned out to be more drama than expected (OMG).

Matt Ivester wrote his book “lol...OMG!: What Every Student Needs to Know About Online Reputation Management, Digital Citizenship and Cyberbullying” because he encountered the same situation.

He started juicycampus.com as an online gossip website where students could talk about the issues, encounters and funny stories they had on their campus.

His original intention failed when students started using the site to bring attention to their classmates in a negative light. Visitors to the site were name-dropping and intentionally spreading nasty rumors.

National attention was brought to the website for the hurtful and often untrue comments that students posted.

Juicycampus.com eventually ran out of money and shut down.

Ivester has taken his online experience and

Image courtesy of lolomgbook.com

“lol...OMG!” tells students about managing online reputations and cyberbullying.

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Opinion

Page 10

January 23, 2012

Editorial

Don’t be frustrated by apathy, give it time As a school that is not quite a traditional four year institution but no longer entirely commuter, UCCS exists in an odd place. Though there is a visible increase in the number of students wandering campus, student involvement in anything beyond attending class remains less than what one might hope for when coming to college.

Many complain that during sporting events, the Gallogly Event Center sits mostly empty and that this is not exactly what the school had in mind when it opened the sparkling new court in 2010.

This makes it hard to imagine that enough fans showed up to fill even the old basketball court (now Berger Hall), which at the time was the smallest gymnasium in all of Division II sports.

Although our University Center boasts an active and growing Student Life division, with over 200 clubs on the register at the

ROAR office, a significant proportion of students don’t participate at all in clubs or student activities.

Many have never even set foot in the building, except perhaps to access the back entrance to the library. These students park on campus, go directly to their classroom, lecture hall or lab and then go straight home afterward; some might say their academic experience doesn’t differ much from those on a typical University of Phoenix campus.

It’s true that is the experience of some students here; it does not, however, make them less valuable to our campus community.

UCCS is a largely working-class school where students have responsibilities beyond what is asked of them in class, and it is unfair to complain about a lack of school spirit without considering the demographic of our community.

It is possible that those who participate in campus

events do so because they have the time and entered college with an interest, which encouraged them to immediately get involved.

For students with offcampus jobs and families and additional responsibilities, this may not be possible and though it can be depressing for those of us who do frequent events to encounter empty seats, we have to forgive that. Students who attend events because they are invested in them will have fun and appreciate them.

Inside the classroom it can be argued that a lack of participation is similarly evident. Even though we have the luxury of smaller class sizes, and instructors want to know our names instead of just our student identification numbers, some students literally don’t say a word throughout the semester unless forced.

We can choose to be ghosts in class, but we’re fooling ourselves if we ex-

ner” dates back to 1931.

The number one song that year was “Minnie the Moocher” by Cab Calloway. A quick search of iTunes shows that there are several different takes on Calloway’s original song – which is fairly iconic on its own. There is no one yelling and screaming about “Minnie the Moocher” being changed.

The only reason why people get upset about the “Star-Spangled Banner” is that it is the national anthem. For some reason, the national anthem is being treated as a sacred song. It kind of reminds me of the outcry when performers started to put old hymns to modern music.

The cry of “you’re ruining sacred music!” just doesn’t seem to strike the same tone when it’s the national anthem. It is a lovely song, and I personally don’t care for artists taking 20 minutes to sing a 2 1/2 minute song. But the song itself isn’t sacred, and changes to the words shouldn’t be illegal. They aren’t necessarily good, but that could be said about a lot of art.

Then there’s the whole issue of censorship. For

the most part, I find censorship to be completely foolish, primarily because it doesn’t even accomplish its main purpose. Censorship tells consumers that they shouldn’t be allowed to pick what they enjoy, but must be told what is appropriate for them to appreciate. That is frankly insulting, not only to the artist, but to the consumer.

At best, what I see happening is performers deliberately snubbing their noses at this legislation.

Just the existence of the law makes me want to see a performer pony up the $25 “unapproved performance” fee and change the entire song. Hell, I’d pay the money myself.

Our economy is still in shambles, and we’re just starting to turn it around.

Bills that are introduced in any arm of the government should be adding jobs to the economy, or making it easier for those who have been out of work for a while to keep on just living.

They should not be adding a $25 fee if a performer changes the tune or the words to “The Star-Spangled Banner.” I could think of things that are more in-

pect an instructor to do us a favor, like writing a letter of recommendation, when they know next to nothing about us.

All of these are the hallmarks of a commuter campus caught in an awkward transition phase – let’s call it UCCS’ “puberty.” And adolescents are notorious for being rather blasé about life.

Despite what might be a common experience for students here that have encouraged the complaints above, we have to remember that this school started as a satellite campus of CU-Boulder, an institution that had an almost 90-year head start on us to build up school spirit.

For most of UCCS’ existence, it has been an awkward half-sibling of Boulder – officially a part of the CU system, but not really a fully-fledged university.

It’s only fairly recent in its history that UCCS has started making noticeable strides toward becoming

a more traditional college campus – and, indeed, the long-term projection is that our campus will eventually have more students than Boulder.

It’s not that students here are necessarily apathetic about their school. It’s just that, as a community, we’re still trying to find our place in the world of higher education.

Since the dorms were first built in the mid-to-late ‘90s, our population has grown into a diverse mix that includes traditional college students (those who come here fresh out of high school), transfer students, recently-discharged veterans and older students who have come back to brush up on their skills.

The presence of students coming from a wide variety of back grounds and experiences does enrich our college experience if we take advantage of it. School spirit will change as the campus environment does, some years there will be

more, some years less.

Whatever year you attend remember it is possible and also a common UCCS experience to have pride in your school and the experiences you have there. Students who come to campus only to attend class, whether by choice or circumstance, can still graduate proud to be a mountain lion and they are just as much mountain lions as those who are able to participate in more.

While it would be nice to see more participation in campus activities, it will take time to rise to the level of a school like Boulder.

And it’s up to us to be a part of that, so if you are able, take the time to attend a sporting event, join a club, pick up The Scribe and participate in other campus events.

You might find your time on campus a bit more enjoyable. Or maybe not.

But you won’t know until you try. S -Scribe Editorial Board

Indiana lawmakers focus on inconsequential “performances”

Aaron Collett acollett@uccs.edu When I was young, I was told that drums were satanic and changing the words to hymns made baby Jesus cry. Now, the Indiana state legislature is telling people that changing the way the national anthem sounds makes Uncle Sam sad.

Senator Vaneta Becker recently introduced a bill in the Indiana state legislature that would charge a fine for adapting or changing the words or music to the “Star-Spangled Banner.”

This is really stupid. Really, Becker? This is the important issue that needs a bill in the state legislature?

The “traditional” version of the “Star-Spangled Ban-

Comic by Arno consequential, but it would be difficult.

The law would also require that schools keep recordings of every performance for two years, and calls for the establishment of an office to deal with complaints regarding the national anthem. Really? Don’t we have better

things to do with our taxes – like create more jobs?

Couldn’t schools handle complaints about the national anthem with, “I’m sorry you feel that way.

Next time, can you volunteer to sing it yourself?”

These Indiana lawmakers have lost sight of what Americans care

about. Yes, we can get annoyed by people singing the anthem badly. But you know what? Most of us are adults. We’ll get over it.

Use your elected position to actually help people, rather than just flailing about helplessly trying to find anything to do instead of your job. S

Opinion

January 23, 2012

Page 11

To destroy an enemy, make them a friend or pay them off Randy Robinson

rrobinson@uccs.edu In December, Occupy protestor Tracey Prostert picketed against an unjust economy. She held a Ph.D. in pharmacology, yet she was unemployed. Her sign echoed this sad fact.

Ironically, one day in Zucotti Park, a Wall Street insider happened to pass her and offered her a job analyzing pharmaceutical markets. Overnight, Prostert went from protesting Wall Street to working on it, and that meant one less voice behind the Occupy movement.

Could it be that easy?

Could the entire movement be bought out?

What was originally considered a collective mass of whiny hippies ended up going global.

Quickly.

Just a few months ago, the Occupiers were labeled domestic terrorists, and now, they are part of the program. It’s almost February and they are still out there, which leaves one last tactic to shut them up without completely defecating on the Constitution: Back them up, then buy them out.

The past few months showed a number of 1 percenters backing the Occupy movement. Billionaires George Soros, Warren Buffet and even Bill Gates voiced their support. Politicians of all colors nodded to Occupy, from Democrat Nancy Pelosi to Republican Ron Paul.

From the sidelines, a number of A-list celebrities cheered on the Occupiers. The richest rapper in the world, Jay-Z, sold out his “Occupy All Streets” T-shirts almost as soon as

they went on sale.

Jay-Z wasn’t the only entrepreneur who attempted to cash in on the movement. In October, a New York couple filed to copyright “Occupy Wall Street” in order to monopolize Occupy-themed novelties.

Around the same time, an investment firm tried the same.

However, Occupy organizations were first to file a copyright of the name – so only protestors could monopolize Occupy-themed novelties.

In fact, Occupying is cool now. Depending on the poll, anywhere from half to two-thirds of Americans support the Occupiers. Roughly a third of our millionaires also support the movement. Hollywood plans to make big-budget films inspired by Occupy, and big-name actors want on-board for the Occupy

craze.

MTV produced a reality show about the protests.

Time Magazine named “The Protestor” as Person of the Year, and a committee of linguists declared that the word “occupy” ruled 2011.

Last week, the Internet’s biggest names – Google, Amazon, Facebook, Wikipedia, Reddit, Twitter, Craigslist and Yahoo! – staged an online protest against the Stop Online Piracy Act (SOPA) (only the non-profits actually took down their sites).

The hacker group Anonymous, as well as Occupiers, voiced support for the blackout. In fact, the Wall Street Journal described Occupy as the “offline analog” of the blackout. The grassroots, populist Occupy movement is coordinating with the most powerful internet

companies to prevent federal censorship.

What we are seeing is one sector of corporate America – net businesses – defying the lobbies of another corporate sector – the entertainment industries. In other words, corporations are protesting against legislation pushed by other corporations, with heavy support from the so-called anti-corporate Occupy.

The “goalless” movement apparently reached some of its goals. To name one, it finally opened up a dialogue between the poorest Americans and the wealthiest.

Mic-checking revealed that our most-polished politicians choke when their speeches are interrupted by the people’s voices. With the blackout, Occupy rubbed off on the heaviest hitters of the web

to stage the online equivalent of a strike.

Alliances between Occupy and big business may end up leading to the movement’s downfall, especially if protest organizers become bed-buddies with the very powers they claim to criticize.

What seems more likely, given the persistence of the movement and the gravity of the problems it addresses, is that Occupy will not go away any time soon.

The financial elite, which comfortably molded public opinion for decades, will attempt to buy-out and assimilate the movement into consumer culture – since slander, libel and police brutality failed to quench the protests.

Does every American ultimately have a price tag? I guess we’ll find out in 2012. S

we’re in a good spot? Not even close.

When Obama took office, unemployment was at 7.8 percent. Some contend that the rate was already on the rise when Obama’s campaign landed.

The rate did start rising in 2007, and excessive spending initiatives

by Bush didn’t help. (Remember: The recession officially started in December 2007).

A rise in unemployment late in Bush’s presidency is no excuse for it to remain above 8 percent for Obama’s entire presidency. In fact, unemployment is at its highest for any sitting president since the Great Depression.

To combat unemployment (and seemingly ev-

ery other problem the U.S. faces), Obama has proposed increased spending in the form of the $447 billion American Jobs Act. In September, ABC News highlighted a Harvard economist’s projection that the bill would cost $200,000 per job it created. Even if the bill was successful in creating the number of jobs it claims to, it is wildly expensive for taxpayers.

Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner said that the cost is the wrong way to measure the worth of the bill. But, in the best case scenario that each of the $200,000 jobs is created, how many years would it take for that cost to be regenerated through federal revenue, if ever?

Despite the political implications of the official 8.5 percent rate from the Bureau of Labor and Statistics (BLS), their standards are suspect on several levels.

The BLS distinguishes three different groups: the employed, the unemployed and those absent from the work force (defined as neither employed nor unemployed).

According to the bureau, employed persons are “All persons who did any work for pay or profit during the survey week.”

So, you spent an hour helping a neighbor move and he tossed you $20 for your time? You’re considered employed.

Still, a drop in the unemployment rate is a good

thing, right? Maybe if it were legitimate.

Many of the jobs added in December can be attributed to the short-term holiday employment. As Fox reports, unemployment claims spiked following the holiday season.

Despite the correlations, other, bigger issues exist.

Many contend, including Charles Evans, President of the Federal Reserve Bank of Chicago, that the rate can be partly attributed to the number of long-term unemployed workers who have stopped looking for a job.

For those still in the work force but unemployed for extended amounts of time, the outlook can seem bleak.

Nobel Prize-winning

economist Peter Diamond points out that long-term unemployment hurts the economy even more than generic unemployment because workers are losing skills and young people are losing experience.

Taking into account those who stopped looking for a job and those who want more work, the true unemployment number is much higher than 8.5 percent – it’s over 15 percent.

So, while 8.5 percent unemployment may be touted as a victory for Obama, the truth is that we’re far from an economic recovery.

To move forward, we need real jobs and real results. Only then can we claim that an economic recovery is at hand. S

We’ve been together since high school, and we have always spent a lot of time together. Now, however, we’re both incredibly busy. Sometimes, it can be really stressful to find time to catch dinner or even have a quick conversation.

College is a massive balancing act, and getting priorities in line is difficult for all of us. Academics, jobs and extracurriculars are challenging enough.

Throw in a relationship, and you really have your work cut out for you.

A healthy relationship,

however, can actually be one of the most important things to college success.

Having someone to talk to, study with and feel relaxed around contributes quite a lot to your mental, physical and emotional health.

We all need at least one aspect of life that gives us that support, and a good relationship can fulfill that.

What exactly is a “good relationship,” though?

Romantic or platonic, all relationships must be giveand-take. This should be true in all five of the major areas of life – physically,

mentally, socially, spiritually and emotionally. A good partner will complement and support you.

If you find yourself frequently fighting, frustrated or feeling alone, it’s time to rethink things. On the flip side, a boyfriend or girlfriend who demands constant attention and becomes dependent is just as dangerous. For both of your sakes, let it go before a messy break-up impacts your academics or work.

A strong relationship is also flexible. Sometimes you need alone time or to

cancel a date because that paper just never got written. You and your partner need to be able to recognize and deal with that.

Ultimately, it comes down to your wants and needs. If you don’t feel like you can put the time into a healthy relationship, it’s probably best to put serious dating on hold and focus on the activities that will set you up well for the future.

If you are already established in a good relationship, or if you are able to invest in one, go for it.

Cost-benefit analysis is vital. Weigh the support and fulfillment you’re getting from your partner against the additional stress or time you have to devote. Then, let that be the major factor in going forward. Your future self will thank you.

When you find someone you can see yourself with long-term, however, it’s worth reorganizing your priorities.

You don’t have time for a bad relationship, but you should make time for a good one. S

Drop in unemployment rate is no reason for celebration Jesse Byrnes jbyrnes@uccs.edu

The Obama administration and many news outlets are citing a drop in the unemployment rate over the holidays as a result of recent policies to get Americans working again. Obama said the drop meant “we’re moving in the right direction,” and the lower rate makes it seem that the economy is looking up. But that’s not the story.

The official unemployment rate for December 2011 dropped to 8.5 percent. We gained 200,000 jobs last month, dropping the rate by 0.2 percent. Victory for excessive spending? No. Mean

When should relationships make the cut in our crazy college lives?

Kaitlin Nelson knelson6@uccs.edu

My boyfriend and I have had a good thing going as far as balancing our relationship with school. I help edit his papers because he can’t use a comma correctly to save his life.

I don’t know a mortgage from a bond, so he takes the time to explain in simple language. I make sure he sees the outside on a regular basis. He reminds me that eating is necessary to human life.

Life on the Bluffs

Page 12

Crossword: UCCS Clubs Campus Chatter

Turn your completed crossword in to the Scribe office to win a prize!

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How do you feel about the 2012 Mayan doomsday scenario?

I think the whole 2012 thing is baloney, but if it were true I’d do some exploring, maybe some skydiving and adrenaline rush type things.

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Do you have any New Year’s resolutions?

I would like to do the Incline and get nice and healthy. I’ve been doing the insanity workout with one of my friends, so I’d say I’m off to a good start. I’d also like to get straight As. That’s always a goal of mine.

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Do you have any New Year’s resolutions?

I’d like to be more on time. I had been really late last semester. I’m always late for my classes. This semester I should be more on time.

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Have you had any previous resolutions?

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Mark Petty mpetty2@uccs.edu Photos by Robert Solis

With the New Year come the resolutions. We at The Scribe were interested in what resolutions the students at UCCS might have. So we asked a few of you about them.

But what’s the point of keeping a resolution if - according to the Mayan calendar the world is going to end? Here’s what a few of our students had to say about the subject.

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U N A school. like jaeger schnitzel and sauerbraten.Do you have any New Year’s resolutions? and 8led to the death of a 21 competitor. focused2222 around topic.Your 23 According to Vice Chancellor Susan 18 Name of the illustrator that combines a an 16 A copy of The Scribe costs this much L21 ChrisI Bell N and V I friends S I Bhave L SEformed J O E I E T A R C R A F T V O I C E T a _______ default could affect fruit with a bird intercollegiate ______ team.

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19 When new issues are available like jaeger schnitzel and sauerbraten. T K22 Your school. Your _____.

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18

Last week’s answers

Jennifer Gonzales

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12

C A M P U

S C H N A T T L E R

2 3 4

5 6 11 12 14 15 16 17 18 19

Down This photographer's art graced the front cover of our first issue of the year Colorado Springs' professional basketball team This film review said that it's like "Free Willy," except instead of freeing a cap­tured animal, they cap­ture a free animal.

This running club meets at Thunder and Button's saloon Curt Holder is researching: UCCS women's basketball team defeated this team in the preseason Where we talk to you Tutoring centers, also, to do awesome Catalysts of Destruction is a club focused around this topic.

A copy of The Scribe costs this much This German restaurant offers dishes like jaeger schnitzel and sauerbraten.

Name of the illustrator that combines a fruit with a bird When new issues are available

Down 2 This photographer's art graced the front cover of our first issue of the year 3 Colorado Springs' professional

and make sure I’m in shape.

What do you do to prepare for that?

You have to go to a lot of events. I really like to volunteer in my community. I like the title because it gives me better access to volunteer in more places, so it’s really nice. I stay in shape by jogging.

Have you kept your past resolutions?

They usually go well. Some past ones have been surviving college, taking one day at a time and being the best person I could possibly be.

How do you feel about 2012?

I’m excited. Graduation is a big thing. I know they say the world is going to end. I’ll be pretty upset if it does, because I worked really hard for four years. S

Life on the Bluffs

January 23, 2012

the Scribble

Page 13

Hug a Scribe Box Contest

Disclaimer: The contents of the Scribble are completely fabricated, peppered with inconsistencies and laced with lies. Any resemblance to the truth found herein is a matter of sheer luck. The Scribble should be approached with a healthy dose of skepticism, and its claims should be taken - if they are taken at all - with many grains of salt.

US Coast Guard discovers Santa alive after disappearance Gonzalez G. Gonzalez thescribble@gmail.com

The U.S. Coast Guard has located Santa and his sleigh after they vanished just weeks ago, while there are still no traces of his reindeer. Last month while NORAD was tracking Santa Claus, he suddenly fell off their radar in the mysterious Bermuda Triangle.

Rescuers and search parties found Santa by pure luck. “We were in Bermuda talking to locals about tracking Santa when one local fisherman said that he had found a large red sleigh while off shore.

Inside that sleigh was a large, old man that matched the identity of Santa. The fisherman was attending to St. Nick’s wounds when we could finally talk to this man.”

A quick questioning of Santa revealed to the Coast Guard team that Santa had no memory of the incident. “Santa is too tired for questions,” said the jolly old man. “All Santa remembers is the pretty lights coming for the sleigh and waking up to the kind fisherman tending to my wounds.”

Santa is still being held for medical care in Bermuda. In the meantime, speculation has resurfaced with different theories gaining popularity.

Mariah Jane, author of “Oh No, I Think I’ve Slept with an Alien,” believes

that this short interview indicates an alien abduction.

“The evidence now is overwhelming,” explained Jane, “The Bermuda Triangle’s tendency for alien activity points toward an abduction of Santa Claus. Let’s look at the facts: Santa doesn’t remember anything at all and he witnessed blinding lights before he forgot everything.

Haven’t you people been watching all of these alien movies from Hollywood?”

Popular socialites led by Paris Hilton accused Santa of foul play. “That fat, cookie-loving ‘turd’ did this as a publicity stunt. He’s just a sore loser because he knows kids look up to people like us now instead of him and he wants the attention.”

Mrs. Claus replied, “Paris is upset because she can’t get off Santa’s naughty list.”

Local Larry Broeson started a group in response to his previous claims that the government was responsible for Santa’s disappearance. BRO (Brother’s Readily Occupying) protested outside numerous C.I.A. offices around the country. “Santa is innocent, give us the truth,” chanted the protesters.

Despite the safety and security of our beloved St. Nick, speculators still have no idea what happened while everyone has forgotten the real crisis that was averted: Tim Allen will not be replacing Santa Claus. S

Photo by Alex Gradisher

Submit a picture of yourself hugging a Scribe box (located at the Scribe office, Alpine Village, and University Village). If your photo is chosen, you could win a one year membership to Altitude MMA.

Invisible Joe

Photo illustration by Alex Gradisher

Many cat owners may love playing with their pets, but when it comes to cleaning litter, the job is just that - a job. While there have been automatic kitty litter scoopers on the market for several years now, one company has tried to turn the job into a game.

With the new RC pooper scooper, cleaning litter box can now be fun. S

Photo by Robert Solis

Joe hates having his blood drawn. The nurse has knocked him out this time, though.

She remembers last time. S

Sports

Page 14

January 23, 2012

Indoor track team looking to have their best year yet Ryan Adams radams3@uccs.edu

As the Spring semester is now under way, everyone is ready to get back into the swing of things.

While students prepare for the coming months of the college grind, the athletes of the indoor track team have another thing on their minds, aside from hitting

the books: having their best year yet.

Sophomore Chris Myers, who pole vaults for the team, has high hopes for this year’s squad.

“I think the team is going to be much better this year.

We were good last year, smashing school records every week and whatnot,” said Myers. “We have so much new talent coming from the freshman class

this year, and everyone has improved a ton since last year. It’s really exciting to see.”

Assistant Coach Jeff Bakke also agrees that the 2012 indoor track season will be a good one. “We have been practicing all fall and have had encouraging results from our first couple meets,” said Bakke.

“I am pretty excited for the new season because we

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have such a well-rounded team, and have a lot of our athletes returning from last year.”

Bakke said three-time All-American Lauren Graham, a junior at UCCS, hopes to contend for a national title this year.

“We are hoping Lauren, along with the rest of males and females on our pole vaulting team can do well enough where they will be able to try and get to nationals,” stated Bakke.

“Pole vaulting is definitely strength on our team because we have such a good group of athletes that have a good amount of experience.”

Myers says that he likes to pole vault because it is such a technical sport.

“It takes a lot of practice to get good at [pole vault-

ing]. I love doing it, though, because not many people do it, and everyone loves to come to the meets and watch it,” he said.

Besides pole vaulting, Bakke said there isn’t too much of a difference between the indoor and outdoor track seasons. “The two seasons are pretty similar. The only really difference is the track is inside, so it’s shorter,” stated Bakke.

“The team doesn’t change, we still have all our athletes that compete in distance, medley and relay races so there really is no difference in the indoor and outdoor team, which is good,” he furthered.

Bakke said he hopes the team can do well this year and be a force in the NCAA National Championships which are held in early

March in Mankato, Minn.

“We had a pretty young team last year, but now they have experience under their belt,” said Bakke. “We also have brought in a solid wave of new recruits so that will help us be a bigger force as well.”

The indoor track and field team’s first meet was Jan. 20 in Boulder. The season will continue through the beginning of March when the track team will begin outdoor training.

Both Myers and Bakke agreed that though many events in track are individual, the track squad still feels like one team. “We’re the tightest team a school could have,” said Myers “We all support each other no matter what and it definitely feels like we are a family.” S

Photo by Robert Solis

The indoor track team is training hard to improve the team.

Sports

January 23, 2012

Men’s and women’s basketball teams piling up wins Micki Cockrille mcockril@uccs.edu

As winter break rolled through for many students, the men’s and women’s basketball teams found themselves working hard.

The Lady Mountain Lions’ season began with a rigorous series of road games. Forced to play on the road for 12 out of their first 17, the team pushed through, compiling a 10-7 record along the way.

“We had a big win over Western State plus a key win over Regis,” said women’s basketball coach Corey Laster. “It is nice to be home. We haven’t played our best ball but we have been super competitive in all of our games.”

This season, the team has been balanced, with many players contributing to the mid-season success.

“Jeri Pikul has given us great minutes and Abby Kirkoff remains a highlight for us,” Coach Laster said. “We dealt with some injuries and sickness over break with some key peo-

ple and are hoping to hit our stride soon.”

Mountain Lion fans can look forward to the rest of the season as the girls look to continue improving and finish the season strong.

“Over all I have seen good improvement from last season. We still have room to improve as a team so hopefully people can see that come to fruition,” said Coach Laster.

“We have are hoping to take advantage of playing at home. We finished with a big home stand and are goal is to make the RMAC playoffs. We still have lots of work to do but we are motivated to get it done.”

The men’s team has been piling up wins as well. With a current winning record, the Mountain Lions have been making a name for themselves within their division.

“These past few weeks I feel that we have done very well,” said forward Jordan Carter. “We have won six of our last eight games, including five wins in a row at one point.

We’ve found a combina-

tion of guys and a play style that has been working very well, and have come together as a team.”

One of the most recent games against Metro State proved to be a challenge too tough to overcome, as Metro State came out on top 89-78. Despite the loss, it was a learning experience for both the coaches and the players.

“We played hard start to finish, and gave ourselves chances to win at the end, despite a good game by Metro,” remarked Carter.

“Metro was ranked number one in the country until recently, and despite the loss, I feel our performance in the game gives our team great confidence and motivation moving forward, as we feel we can compete and win against anyone.”

In the upcoming weeks, UCCS will play seven of its next 11 games at the Gallogly Event Center.

“We’re looking forward to blackout night against CSU Pueblo, so we hope to get a great crowd and fan atmosphere and come out with a win,” said Carter. S

Page 15

Sport

s

Buzz

The Future is Bright for the Broncos Micki Cockrille mcockril@uccs.edu

The National Football League is changing and a new era is being brought in by a different generation of players. The Denver Broncos seem to be the harbingers of this change.

The Broncos have been a disappointment to some fans, riding a rollercoaster of last second wins and unbalanced playing tactics.

Believe me when I say that I am used to disappointment; I’m a New York Giants fanatic.

I realize that I cannot fully sympathize with Broncos fans because of the Giant’s recent victory (sorry Cheeseheads), but I do know the pain of rooting for a team with huge potential only to fall short of the playoffs.

The Broncos did make it to the playoffs, however.

With a stunning overtime victory over Pittsburgh (put those yellow towels away!), Denver headed to New England, hoping to pull another colossal upset.

Unfortunately, the Patriots dominated the Broncos throughout the game. Since

then, ‘Tebowmania’ has cooled down significantly, but that not mean that we have heard the last of Tim Tebow.

Tebow is young, erratic and finished the season with a below average passer rating. But his knack for escaping tackles and his pocket mobility offset his subpar passing numbers.

It’s only a matter of time before he can master his throwing technique, almost certainly one of the main goals for the preseason.

Don’t forget that Tebow hasn’t even started for a full season yet.

Looking at other younger quarterbacks in the NFL, we can see the obvious improvements that have happened over the course of a few years. Most notable is Aaron Rodgers, who at age 27 won a Super Bowl title and looks to be adequately filling, dare I say, Brett Favre’s shoes.

Matthew Stafford of the Detroit Lions led his team of underdogs to the playoffs at age 23. Cam Newton had an exceptional season playing in the style of other mobile quarterbacks with rocket-launchers for arms.

Tim Tebow very well could

be headed down the same path.

Of course Tim Tebow doesn’t define the entire Bronco’s team; he is, after all, just one man. The Bronco’s core offense is loaded with potential and has the potential to be a dangerous unit next year as they become more familiar with Tebow’s strengths and weaknesses.

The Broncos defense also has the potential to be a show-stopper next season.

Despite being shredded

by Tom Brady and the Patriot offensive machine, the Broncos defense did prove multiple times last season that they are capable of stepping it up and shutting down an offense.

Stocked with playmakers like Von Miller, Champ Bailey and Elvis Dumervil, the defense finds itself in a similar situation as the offense. The potential to grow and be a dominating defense means that Denver should field a complete team that doesn’t rely too heavily on a single unit.

Stay faithful Bronco Nation. When in doubt, remember that your team made it as far as the Packers! S

obscure

Sports Zorbing

Tyler Bodlak tbodlak@uccs.edu

Photo by Ariel Lattimore

Jake Darby attempts to score during the Jan. 14 game against Metro State.

Hamsters aren’t the brightest creatures in the animal kingdom. In fact, they might be dumber than earwax (albeit cuter, and probably more delicious), but that didn’t stop a pair of New Zealand inventors from stealing a page from the hamster lifestyle and turning it into a sport.

In 1994, Dwane van der Sluis and Andrew Akers created a human-sized hamster ball, calling it a “zorb.” Unlike hamster balls, their new creation was actually comprised of two separate balls, one inside the other, and both made of flexible plastic.

The material and the two ball design served to provide much needed cushioning for the Zorbers strapped inside these giant orbs.

Sluis and Akers originally came up with the idea hoping to provide a way to walk on water. However, the zorbs didn’t function as planned. Riders had absolutely no control while floating and the two inventors soon began searching for another application for the Zorb.

It wasn’t long before Sluis and Akers turned to the steep, grassy slopes that are common in New Zealand, strapping the world’s first official Zorber into the innermost ball and letting it tumble its way downhill

with no breaks or steering.

Soon, the sport of zorbing was officially born, just the latest way for adrenaline junkies to get their fix.

Since 1994, several commercial Zorbing centers have opened around the world. Today, it is possible to get your Zorbing fix in much of Europe, parts of Asia, and at several locations within the United States.

As with most extreme sports, it didn’t take long for someone to push the limits of Zorbing. The Guinness Book of Records recognizes two official Zorbing records. The longest zorb ride – 1,870 feet – and the world speed record – a nauseating 32.2 miles per hour.

Sports the

cribe

January 23, 2012

This Week in Sports Basketball

Track and Field

Jan 27 Western State, Silver City, NM 5:30 p.m. Women 7:30 p.m. Men

Jan 26 at 2 p.m.

Air Force multi-events Cadet Fieldhouse, USAFA

Intramural Sports

Wrestling

Jan 28 New Mexico Highlands, Las Vegas, NM 6 p.m. Women 8 p.m. Men

Jan 27 at 2 p.m.

Air Force multi-events Cadet Fieldhouse, USAFA

Jan 25 at 6 p.m.

Indoor hockey tournament

Jan 28 at 9 a.m.

Joe Davies Invitational Golden, CO

Jan 26 at 6 p.m.

5v5 Handball tournament

Jan 28 at 9 p.m.

Kiki Cup Greco-Roman International Duals United States Olympic Training Center

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