April 26, 2011

the

Scribe

April 26 to May 2, 2011 [Volume 35. Issue 27]

Toga!

Toga!

Greek Life at UCCS pages 6 & 7

editorial

The joy of hate mail Page 2

Editor-in-Chief Avalon Manly My mom told me something once that I think I’ll always remember. This must have been two years ago, at least, long before I ever took this job. We were at a play, an old-fashioned classical melodrama, during which the audience is supposed to cheer the hero and boo or hiss at the villain, whenever either appeared on stage. By nature, most melodramas are overthe-top exercises in physical comedy and wordplay: they feature overly dramatic movements and deliberate pauses to accommodate whatever noises from the audience are appropriate in any given instance.

As we sat in the theater, we couldn’t help but get swept up in the waves of negativity spewed at the villain. My mom leaned over to me as a fit of hissing waned and murmured, “Wow, you’d really have to understand that the booing is your applause, wouldn’t you?”

I realized that she was talking about the actor who was playing the villain. Each time he took the stage, he was greeted with waves of shouted “boo”s and angry hisses; his actions were punctuated by menacing piano chords and more or less accurately-tossed handfuls of popcorn.

Though he was a great actor and played his part flawlessly, he had no chance of being cheered at any point during his performance. He knew before the show began that his reception would be so harshly and uninterruptedly negative. I thought about it for a while, and began to understand that those boos – each hiss and

cluster of kernels hurled at the stage – were actually a form of praise.

You see, the villain’s job was to incite the audience against his character.

If play-goers cried outrage, protesting his actions throughout the show, he had done his job right. The boos he received were his applause; they were the signs of laud that signaled a job well done.

I have to wonder how long it took him to adjust to that aspect of his job.

Humans are possessed of a very deep-seated need for approval; we seek it from our loved ones, our colleagues, our family and friends, our rivals, even ourselves. We struggle without adequate and ongoing external affirmation.

While we may attempt to garner such positive reinforcement in different ways (some of which are more effective than others), we all need it to thrive. As social beings, constant awareness of how we belong and contribute to social groups is necessary for our well-being.

When we encounter negative responses to anything we produce, say or otherwise sponsor, then, we suffer from feelings of inadequacy and failure, even if those colloquial “boo”s are from someone about whom we don’t particularly care. When the things closest to our hearts, like creative endeavors, relationships or life choices are assaulted so, many of us won’t know how to react at all, and so respond instinctively, donning defensiveness and anger as our shields. We may carry that negativity with us a long, long time, not knowing how to sort through it or manage to feel successful in spite of it.

As a journalist, I learned that lesson the hard way, and many times over. You might be surprised at the sheer volume of hate mail journalists receive, even at the university level. I have an entire folder dedicated to it on my computer, full of messages I’ve received just this year.

They range in vehemence from a polite, elo-

quent disagreement to my overall favorite, which was addressed, “Dear Crack Heads and Meth Addicts,” and began, “Are you crack heads and meth addicts??”

When I was new to writing for the print media, letters like that would really get me down. I would wonder what I had done wrong as a writer to facilitate such a gross misinterpretation of my message; I would feel bad not only that I had failed to fulfill the expectations and parameters of my job, but that I had let my readers down.

I would bring the hate mail to my editors and wonder aloud what my mistake had been, and what I could do to fix it.

My first year writing, the copy editor at the time, Paul Fair, gave me some invaluable advice. He said, “The point of a newspaper is to inform people about what’s wrong, so that they can do something to fix it, because we as writers can’t. If someone read what you wrote and got angry enough to send you an email about it, it means they’re angry enough to try to fix it.”

Those words have stuck with me over the years.

Every time I get a simply outstanding piece of hate mail and don’t know how to respond to or cope with it, I remember that, like the villain in the melodrama, “boo”s are my applause. It means someone not only read, but became sufficiently emotionally fueled to act.

Complacency and apathy are the enemies of action and propelled, deliberate progress. Maybe, if someone is incensed enough to write me an angry letter, they are also incensed enough about what’s wrong in the world to seek to affect a change.

That’s the point of journalism, after all. To inform the ones with the power to act (you) about everything they’ve somehow managed to ignore. I’ll play the villain if I have to, if it means that maybe we can fix what’s wrong in the world. Will you play the attentive audience, and boo? S

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April 26 to May 2, 2011

the scribe The official student newspaper of the University of Colorado at Colorado Springs

Editor-in-Chief.........................................Avalon Manly Managing Editor........................................Jessica Lynch Business Manager..........................................Matt Baatz Advertising/Sales Manager..........................Luis Hidalgo News Editor..................................................Matt Sidor Athletics Editor......................................Matt Crandall Opinion/Scribble Editor...........................Cherise Fantus Photograhy Editor.................................Ariel Lattimore Copy Editor.............................................Cherise Fantus Web Master.............................................Dorian Rogers Layout Designers..........................................J.D. Osorio ..................................................................Emily Olson Reporters...................................................Alex Cramer ............................................................Ryan Piechowski .................................................................Sara Horton ...................................................................Ryan Adams Photographer.........................................Michelle Wood Junior Reporters...............................Heather Templeton ...............................................................Molly Mrazek ......................................................Marguerite Breeden Junior Photographer...................................Brett Owens Contributors...........................................Steven Farrell Cartoonist............................................................Arno Distributor...........................................Donald Trujillo Advisor.....................................................Laura Eurich Cover Photo Courtesy of deviantart.net

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news

UCCS sophomore accepted to NASA academy April 26 to May 2, 2011

Meral Sarper, a sophomore mechanical enrpiechow@uccs.edu gineering student at UCCS, has been appointed as a Research Associate for the NASA Propulsion Academy at Marshall Space Flight Center in Huntsville, Ala. this summer in hopes of one day being sent up to space. She has always held aspirations beyond the restrictions of the old “sky’s the limit” adage, and her recent acceptance into one of the top NASA academies places her on her way to achieving her goal of completing a NASA space mission in the future. This program will provide her the experience and training she needs to succeed.

The appointment to the Marshall Space Flight Center came with great excitement and a feelings of accomplishment for Sarper as she witnessed years of her hard work and determination pay off.

“I was absolutely breathless,” Sarper said, “It was like the paramount moment I had been waiting for.”

The dream of becoming an astronaut is nothing new for Sarper, who has had these aspirations as long as she can remember. “Ever since I could conceive conscious thought, I always remembered looking at the sky and saying to myself, ‘That’s where I belong.’” These aspirations go beyond silly childhood fantasies. Nearly every young child at one point in his or her life has wanted to be an astronaut until reality and maturity set in to wash that desire away in place of a more seri-

Ryan Piechowski

ous career path. While this may be the case for some, Sarper has held on to this passion her whole life and has made all the right moves to ensure these dreams come to fruition.

Hard work and the support of those around her has landed Sarper where she needs to be. Sarper has completed two internships at NASA Langley Research Center and Braxton Technologies, working on remote sensing and NASA’s spaceflight program, Constellation. Currently, Sarper serves as the 2010-2011 NASA Space Science Student Ambassador for Colorado.

Although she boasts an impressive résumé, Sarper is not content with just being accepted into a great NASA academy; her goals are much higher than this.

“I plan on being on one of the first crewed missions to Mars in 2030,” Sarper shares, “there, we will discover possibilities for understanding the cosmological history of Mars, colonization of Mars and terraforming of Mars.”

Sarper is very aware of the importance of exploring the world beyond our own, noting, “Space exploration is more important than we can ever imagine. The Apollo era has given us the inspiration to do what humans have done for millennia: see more, wonder why and discover the unknown.”

Inspiration is the key word when it comes to Sarper.

The road she has taken has been anything but easy, yet she has persevered and has found herself in prime position to make her lifelong goals a reality. S

UCCS retention rates drop by three percent, hoped to rise Heather Templeton htemplet@uccs.edu Part of how universities determine their success is by their rates of retention – that is, when undergraduate students who begin school in the fall of one year are still in attendance in the fall of the following year. UCCS reports its retention rate from 2008 – 2009 has dropped three percent, resting at 67 percent for full-time students and 49 percent for part-time students; retention for students who began college at UCCS is 43 percent, while transfer students are retained at 38 percent.

While these numbers might seem low, UCCS’ graduation rates are fairly verage in comparison to a few of its peer institutions. The National Center for Education Statistics showed that students at like universities in other states are making nearly the same progress as those attending UCCS. Dr. Barbara Gaddis, Director of the Office of Retention, said UCCS has been attempting to increase its retention rate by implementing several strategies, one of which is increased outreach. The university plans to instate three points of contact with students: the beginning, midterm and during finals, especially among first year, freshman and transfer students. The goal is to ensure that there is adequate communication between the students and faculty, with the faculty initiating contact to confirm the students’ progress and success.

The Office of Retention works diligently alongside students, con-

stantly assisting and providing resources for students who might be struggling financially or stumbling academically. The Office’s main focal point is financial issues among the students; Gaddis mentioned that staff from the office will assist students in meeting with financial advisors, and she also made it clear she is more than confident the financial aid department will do anything possible to find financial assistance for students.

She boasted, “We are very lucky to have such a great financial aid department, as well as our career center. UCCS is fortunate to have both working hard to help our students.”

Our retention rates have decreased by three percent from the previous year. Gaddis explained, “The economy has impacted retention, for several reasons. If a student needs to go to work, possibly work two jobs to support their family, they would not be able to attend school as often. Last year, we lost several students to community colleges because they are less expensive, more people are able to stay at home, they want to get their general education requirements out of the way and come back – just a number of reasons. Also, students move out of Colorado Springs for other jobs, military and other reasons and there is not a way to compensate for those leaving.”

Gaddis hopes to increase retention to 70 percent. “My goal is to have enough support mechanisms and engaging student life so that every student who could stay at UCCS, would.”

She feels the recession has

hurt the retention rates, yet helped overall enrollment, because if there fewer jobs available, colleges see an increase in adults returning to take classes in a certain area to increase their knowledge, credentials and skills.

Since UCCS’ graduation rate is calculated on a six-year success rate, students may find themselves worried that potential employers may frown upon taking six years to earn a four-year degree. However, Bev Kratzer, Director of the Career Center, stated that is typically not the case.

“If a student has a viable reason to why they graduated in six years, such as they worked throughout their college years, it actually plays in their favor. Companies may feel these students are more organized, able to multitask, and it shows character, especially if the student has a strong explanation.” According to Kratzer, these are qualities potential employers seek. She said, “Therefore, students do not need to look at it as a detriment, [but rather] as an assistance to one’s ability to get a job.”

The Career Center in Main Hall, where Kratzer works, warned that her offices get steadily busier as graduation nears, but after the commencement is when many students arrive, seeking assistance with a number of things, from employment to grad school options.

Kratzer said, “If students partake in the resources available to them, they have a strong identification as a student, [which] shows them their school cares and they tend to feel more connected to the campus.” S

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Photo courtesy of uccs.edu

Meral Sarper has always harbored dreams of going into space. With this appointment, she’s on her way.

Upcoming Relay for Life has heavy support from UCCS students and faculty Ryan Adams radams3@uccs.edu The UCCS community will take part in the American Cancer Society’s annual Relay for Life event this Friday at the 4 Diamonds Sports Complex. The 12-hour event will start at 7 p.m. and in solidarity with those who struggle with or are impacted by cancer around the clock, will continue until 7 a.m. Saturday morning.

A total of 17 teams are taking part and over 150 UCCS students, staff, faculty and family members are expected to be in attendance. Dan Adkins, a student in the Program of Golf Management (PGM), has decided to support the relay by spearheading his own team.

“I participated in the relay last year and I truly enjoyed the experience, and the chance to support research to fight cancer,” said Adkins. His enthusiasm has encouraged other members of his program to participate.

“I am extremely happy and excited to be the captain of the PGA Professional Golf Management Relay for Life Team this year. I love giving back to a society that has given a lot to me and the relay is a great way to do that, I

feel,” furthered Adkins.

Relay for Life is a walk to support the research and continual fight against cancer. All collected donations go to the American Cancer Society. “I have family and friends that have benefited from the efforts of the many relays throughout the United States and I could not be happier with the chance to help here in Colorado Springs,” Adkins stated.

So far, the UCCS community has raised over $8,000 dollars for the event. Participants must commit to a $10 registration fee and should set a personal goal of raising $100 dollars for the event.

The idea behind the Relay for Life began in 1985 when Doctor Gordy Klatt of Tacoma, Washington both ran and walked around a track for 24 hours to raise money for the American Cancer Society. Today, Relay for Life is a nationwide event with over 5,000 teams and 3.5 million participants.

“The relay helps millions of people and it is a lot of fun to participate.

What’s better than that?”

Adkins said. For more information on the Relay, go to relayforlife.org/ uccsco on the internet and find out how you can support this great cause. S

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news

Tech in the classroom, email policies change Matt Sidor

msidor@uccs.edu We live now in the age of constant information. Before, we had to check our messages on the answering machine when we got home from school; now, we can be called instantly wherever we are, almost anywhere on the globe. Before, we had to dial in through slow telephone connections to check our e-mail and surf the web; now, the Internet sits comfortably in our pockets, easily accessible anytime we need it.

We are the most interconnected generation of humans this planet has ever seen, and the number of ways we connect continues to grow at an exponential rate. But what effect has this had on the learning process? As young adults, we’ve readily accepted the rapid advancements made in computing technologies and their inevitable encroachment on the academic experience: pens and paper have been replaced with laptops and tablet PCs; slide projectors have been replaced by PowerPoint; Encarta and Britannica have been replaced by Wikipedia; even some entire classrooms have been replaced by virtual counterparts on Blackboard.

But have all these advances been more of a help or a hindrance? It may be more efficient to take notes on your laptop during lectures, but isn’t it tempting to also check your Facebook the whole time? If you find today’s particular lecture a little too boring, why don’t you just sit in the back and text your significant other the whole time? Will your professor even notice the difference? As 21st century students, we have to define new standards for digital etiquette in the classroom and determine if the learning experience is suffering from these new forms of distraction.

“I have a blanket policy: no phones in my class for any reason, period,” said Chris Bell, director of the Oral Communication Center. “Laptops are fine, but I walk around a lot and I have grad

April 26 to May 2, 2011

TAs with me a lot of the time. Any of us ever see you doing anything other than taking notes, automatic full letter grade loss for the overall course. No questions, no excuses. My class is not your ESPN time.”

“If a student wants to spend an entire lecture on the Internet or chatting with friends on Facebook, that’s their prerogative,” said Todd Waters, a graduate teaching associate with the Oral Communication Center. “However, when that Internet surfing becomes a distraction to those around them, then it is an issue.”

“As far as phones go,” he added, “I have no tolerance whatsoever. Texting on a cell phone is the single rudest thing anyone can do to disrupt any communication context, including when the teacher is speaking, but primarily when another classmate is speaking/contributing to discussion. Basically, it’s a big, fat, massive [sic] you to everyone.”

Coral Laski, also a graduate teaching associate with the Oral Communication Center, agreed: “From our interpersonal relationships to professional relationships, we need to be able to hide the cell phone when someone else is talking, especially in the classroom environment.”

But, she added, “I think that students today don’t really get more distracted than before, there are just more things available to use for distractions. We used to doodle or write notes maybe, and now we text or get on Facebook, or search the Web.” Communication with teachers has changed, too. Not long ago, the best way to reach your professor was to hang around after class or to seek him or her out during office hours; today, it’s more effective to drop an email and allow them to respond at their convenience.

It works both ways, too: professors have found email to be a more effective form of mass communication with students. “I always communicate with students via email, which seems to be the most efficient way of exchanging messages these days, anyway,” said Waters.

“I like to send out reminder emails to my classes, and the convenience of attaching documents they can use to their benefit is another plus. Additionally, the fact that they can send me a rough copy of a paper/outline for minor editing prior to turning it in is another bonus of emailing.”

Many professors, though, have noticed a decline in the quality of communication they have with students over email. “Perhaps this is due to the fact that I’m such a young teacher,” said Laski, “but I wish more students would take pride in the fact that they are emailing an instructor and at least run spell check before they send an email. Besides that, many students don’t even include their names when sending emails which often creates difficulty to figure out who it came from.”

Problems with emails do not seem to be limited to faculty-student communications, either: on April 15, Chancellor Shockley-Zalabak announced changes to campus policy regarding staff and fac-

ulty email lists. Although the memo does not cite any specific examples of misuse, it does specifically recommend that the faculty and staff lists be tightened for only official UCCS business and that the “reply all” function be disabled.

Bell, Waters and Laski all seem to agree that students’ digital etiquette is only as bad as the professor allows it to be, based on his or her own policies. “I think students are aware that they owe the instructor and each other respect, and are willing to provide that in specific contexts,” said Waters.

“If a professor doesn’t want people texting in his/her class,” said Bell, “s/ he needs to drop the hammer from a thousand feet high when it happens, and stand firm on the decision. When I dock your grade for texting in my class, it’s staying docked. You can go ahead and not like me and hold it against me on my FCQ. I’m totally fine with that. Overall, my students know not to do it. Texting is a problem because professors let it be a problem.” S

providing direct academic needs; this includes the Bookstore, the Office of Student Activities, the Campus Recreation Center, the University Center, and Conference Services.

Conference Services was quickly identified as the office with the most potential to expand and serve as a primary source of auxiliary revenue. This is the office that accommodates clients from outside the campus who wish to rent our spaces and facilities, and a more aggressive marketing campaign of what campus has to offer has been ongoing since at least 2009.

Carla Fleury, a consultant with Conference Services, said that after the residency hall complex was completed in 1996, they started offering rooms and Upper Lodge in combination with the University Center’s meeting rooms and former gym for Summer Conferencing, a service that has become more and more popular each year. Business groups and athletic teams come to the UCCS campus as a sort of “retreat” for a long weekend, a whole week, or even longer as the housing complex becomes a kind of limited hotel.

For small- to medium-sized events, the meeting rooms on the first and third floors of the University Center are quite affordable in comparison to alternative sites around the city. For events that host 100-150 people, such as the recent Disney Institute Conference, clients are offered the opportunity to set up in Berger Hall; for any events with more than 150 people, the laminated gym floor of the Events Center can be covered with carpet and transformed overnight into a small convention center.

The Upper Lodge, UC meeting rooms, Events Center, Berger Hall and the newly-reopened Heller Center are available year-round for short-term events such as fundraising dinners, graduation or birthday parties, business luncheons, wedding receptions (particularly at the Upper Lodge with its scenic patio) and even high school proms; Fleury said that Liberty High School will be having their prom in the Events Center next month and have already reserved it again for 2012.

Fleury also noted that she regularly attends local business conventions and chambers of commerce to promote the

school’s offerings to potential clients all around the Front Range. Fleury will work with each client on an individual basis to meet their event’s unique needs; there isn’t any kind of event that they won’t try to accommodate. For example, a wedding ceremony and reception was held in Berger Hall on last New Year’s Eve; staff members from the University Center stayed in the building until 2:00 a.m. the next day to allow the guests to celebrate into the new year.

The rates for all these spaces vary depending on the type of event being held, the number of people expected to attend and the time of year (summer events are a lot more popular than winter ones). All of these facilities, though, are prioritized for students who have collectively paid for their construction and upkeep – one meeting room per week can be reserved by any club or organization registered through the ROAR office at no charge, with sharply reduced pricing for additional rooms or occasional usage of the larger venues; individual students and staff members can also make a reservation at a discounted rate. S

Photo courtesy of irnustian.com

Come on. We all know that listening to our professors is almost fatally boring sometimes. The only danger is loling at your roommate’s random text.

UCCS offers spaces for student, community use Matt Sidor

msidor@uccs.edu The large spaces provided by Berger Hall (formerly the Gym) in the University Center, the Upper Lodge in the dormitory complex and the brand-new Gallogly Events Center are ideal locations to host large events for clubs and organizations. Student fees have provided for these valuable spaces and will ensure their continued function for many decades to come. However, those fees alone may not be quite enough to ensure their operational success, especially in light of the current economic recession, which has facilitated a precipitous drop in our university’s funding.

To compensate for this and help balance the school’s budget, the office of the Vice Chancellor for Administration and Finance has been gradually restructuring auxiliary services in order to contribute a greater proportion of revenue toward the school. Auxiliary services include any organization or non-profit company on campus that serve the students and faculty without necessarily

culture Autism Awareness Month: It’s okay to ask for help April 26 to May 2, 2011

Sara Horton

shorton@uccs.edu April is Autism Awareness Month, which has personal significance to me. I was eight years old when I was diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome, a high-functioning form of autism that has hindered my ability to communicate with others. Throughout my life, I have struggled to relate to my peers, let alone carry out a conversation with them. Like most people with Asperger’s, I am a little shy and prefer to keep to myself. Although I have made progress and try to be more outgoing, I am still a student. In addition to learning in class, I

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am also learning how to be comfortable in social situations.

When I have shared my diagnosis with others, people have often told me, “I didn’t even know you had autism.” I have also heard, “For being autistic, you seem so normal.”

What is normal? I have struggled with this question since childhood, and I know I am not alone. According to Autism Speaks, 1 in 110 children and 1 in 70 boys are affected by autism. If those numbers don’t seem high, they should, because autism is now the fastest-growing developmental disability in the United States. Although autism awareness has increased over the past few decades, aware-

ness is still not at the point it needs to be.

Particularly, autism awareness is lacking in the classroom. UCCS faculty has treated me with utmost dignity and respect, but I have not been fortunate enough to have such understanding mentors elsewhere. Throughout grade school, I encountered a handful of teachers who did not—or refused to—understand my diagnosis. One teacher went so far as to call my autism an excuse for being rude and regularly avoiding eye contact with her.

Such miscommunications between an autistic student and his or her teacher should be prevented before they ever occur. Ultimately, educating teach-

ers from an IPod adapter set up in the kitchen.

Though there was only one man working, he was affable and quick to help my friend and I decide what we wanted to try.

The menu includes cheap items, like $1 soda cans to $19 specialty pizzas. Pizza by the slice is also an available option and prices range from $3.50 for a piece of Mac and Cheese pizza – which included full-sized macaroni sprinkled on top – to a $4 slice of Sicilian Deep Dish.

And as standard practice, there were garlic knots and cinnamon knots to eat on the side and as dessert.

Personally, I went for the regular calzone with mozzarella and ricotta cheese

while my friend tried a slice of the Grandma’s Pie. Her pizza, according to the menu, was a reversed pan baked pizza with olive oil, mozzarella, sauce, basil and parmesan.

After ordering we had a seat at the counter facing the street and within 10 minutes I was presented with an enormous, crispy calzone with a side of marinara sauce. It was so large I had to cut it in half and could only finish one half of it before handing over the rest to my still hungry friend. It was mouthwateringly delicious and we were both more than pleased with our selections.

While the food was tasty and the service prompt, there are still some visual

ers about autism is key in ensuring both student and teacher are comfortable in a learning environment.

Fortunately, UCCS recognizes this and is actively taking steps to share that vision. “The University and the Disability Services Office strives to ensure equal access for all students with a variety of disabilities.

For students with Autism/ Aspergers Syndrome, we are currently working to educate the campus community on how to better serve this population,” explained UCCS Disability Services.

Director Ida Dilwood confirmed that most autistic students that seek help from Disability Services have been diagnosed with

Asperger’s, and autism education sessions are currently underway. “Not all students with disabilities are registered with our office,” she continued in her online statement.. “We encourage students to use our services by self-identifying with our office and utilizing qualifying accommodations. Students are welcome to contact Disability Services if they have any questions.”

As is common with someone who has Asperger’s, I was hesitant to ask for help during my freshman year when I needed a quiet place to do my math exams. Because I was a college student and embracing that newfound independence, I thought I had to take care of every-

thing by myself and felt weak for needing an accommodation.

When I finally caved in and reached out to Disability Services, I was glad I did. The staff was friendly, understanding and provided me a quiet place to do my exams with no hassle. I have since learned there is no shame in asking for help and hope by sharing my experience here that other autistic students at UCCS will know this as well.

UCCS Disability Services is located in Main Hall, Room 105. Office hours are from Monday to Friday from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. Disability Services may be reached at 719255-3354 or via email at dservice@uccs.edu. S

Hell’s Kitchen isn’t quite as hot as it sounds Molly Mrazek

mmrazek@uccs.edu If there’s one thing Colorado Springs and the surrounding area isn’t lacking, it’s pizza places. However, amidst the chains and located in the heart of Manitou Springs is one local parlor called Hell’s Kitchen with a flavor uniquely its own.

Just off the main strip at 9 Ruxton Ave., Hell’s Kitchen is a delicious and welcoming break from the ubiquitous nature of pizza.

The parlor was clean and uniquely decorated in a New York theme with flames painted on the walls. Older music indicative of the New York scene played through the speak-

Restaurant Review Photo courtesy of nocoboho.wordpress.com

If this is what Leonidas meant when he said, ‘Tonight, we dine in hell,’ you might want to skip the battle, head home and make some Ramen, instead.

downsides. Located off the main strip, there was very little to look at. Yes, we could window shop at the local hemp store and walk

across the street to The Matte Factory, but there were no people to watch, no stray dogs and nothing being entertainingly

chased down the street.

The only noteworthy sight was the spandex wearing athletes who sat behind us in the parlor. S

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UCCS Greeks seek to i Kappa Sigma hosts third annual Alcohol-Free Party

UCCS Sor and Frat

Asian Broth

Mission: “ to UCCS.”

Kappa

Mission: “ scholarshi service.”

Photo Courtesy of Evan Shelton Members of Kappa Sigma gathered at Clyde’s this year to celebrate their Delta Pledge Week.

be like to wage an epic hand-to-hand battle while under the influence. cfantus@uccs.edu Also included in the night’s events is a date auction. Some fraternity brothers and It may seem that getting drunk at parties sorority sisters will be among those aucis a requirement for graduation. College is tioned off, along with some generous vola place where many students experience unteers from the student body. The highest their first drink and spend many of their bidder will receive a dinner and a movie weekends (and weeknights) drinking and date with their guy or girl. All proceeds partying. Fraternities and sororities have from the auction will go to the Military been especially notorious for the copious Heroes Campaign, which is a project to amounts of drinking that occurs at house- build houses for rehabilitating veterans.

Free food and Vitamin Water, as well as parties.

Kappa Sigma intends to change that. a “mocktail” bar, will be provided. At the bar guests can purchase nonThey will be hosting the alcoholic refreshments. third annual Alcohol-Free The Rundown Kappa Sigma has partParty on April 27. AccordWhat nered with Mothers Against ing to Kappa Sigma PresiDrunk Driving (MADD) and Kappa Sigma’s dent Tyler Siskowic, they will include participation Alcohol-Free Party are doing it to “break the from Designated Driver of ‘Animal House’ stereoColorado Springs (DDCS). type.” Instead of equating Where DDCS is a nonprofit service their parties with drunken Berger Hall that provides rides to those debauchery, they would who have had too much to prefer people to have a When drink and cannot drive home safe, family-friendly party Wednesday, April 27 themselves. They will drive environment.

6 p.m. to 10 p.m. both you and your car home.

Attendees of the party The service is there to enwill have the opportunity How Much sure that people won’t make to take part in many alcoFree! the mistake of driving home hol-free activities. They drunk just to avoid paying can play root beer pong expensive cab fare or beand flip cup rather than the traditional beer-based versions of those games. There cause they don’t want to leave their cars will also be a pizza-eating contest for those behind, Though many students are reluctant to who still feel the need to get sick even afgo to a party without alcohol, Kappa Sigma ter skipping the drinking.

Beer goggles will be provided by Public wants to prove that they can still have fun.

Safety. While wearing the goggles, partiers In the previous two years of hosting the will be able to play games on a Wii and a event, they have seen great success. Last PS3. These games will test the difficulty year, about 250 people attended the party.

Most of the people who have attended of and challenges with playing and driving the event in the past have been UCCS studrunk.

Attendees can also play gladiator dents, but Kappa Sigma wants everyone to games using pugil sticks, which are know that it is open to the public and is sticks that are padded at both ends. family friendly.

The party will be happening in Berger These are usually used as training weapons to fight with one another. Hall on Wednesday, April 27 from 6 p.m.

Goggle-wearers can see what it would to 10 p.m. S

Cherise Fantus

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Phi Sigma Sigma hosts third annual ‘rock-a-thon’ for charity, campus involvement The women of Phi Sigma chose to donate their proceeds from this event to the National mbreeden@uccs.edu Kidney Foundation because in the 1960’s, kidney disease was the leading cause of death Proceeds from Phi Sigma Sigma’s third annu- among women. In the past, they gained a lot al “rock-a-thon” event will go to the National of support from both the school and comKidney Foundation. From 10:00 a.m. to 6 munity. They were able to rise quite a bit of p.m. on April 30, at the University Village money from students and UCCS alum from our past rock-a-thons. From Shopping Center, members of the community we received one of UCCS’ most successThe Rundown many donations in the form ful sororities will host music What of gift certificates and food and free food for both UCCS Phi Sigma Sigma’s to students and the community at “Rock-a-thon” be sold during the event. large.

Madeline Conrique one Much deliberation was put Where of the Phi Sigma Sigma into the music choices this year.

University Village women in charge of this Scheduled musicians include Shopping Center events stated, “We hope that Sean Waldron, James Guerra, students will gain a better JD Feighner and an African understanding of the NaWhen drum band. tional Kidney Foundation.”

A bounce house, costing $1 Saturday, April 30 Students can get involved for every 15 minutes, will be 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. by attending the event and available, the proceeds from participating in the various which will also go to the NaHow Much activities throughout the tional Kidney Foundation.

Free! day, as well as donating to a This year marks Phi Sigma greater cause.

Sigma’s third annual rock-a“This event is important thon; it’s one of their biggest events of the year. It is a tradition for the so- to us because it’s been our sorority’s tradition rorities who participate in this event to rock for many years now to raise as much money in rocking chairs while they raise money for as we can for the Phi Sigma Sigma Founthe National Kidney Foundation. Last year, dation, which benefits the National Kidney said Phi Sigma Sigma member Maddie Con- Foundation,” said Conrique. “The National rique, the event raised $700, and the goal is Kidney Foundation is a great organization even higher this year, sitting at a substantial with an important cause and we strive to help make a difference in it every year.” S $1,300.

Marguerite Breeden

ssion: “To find other likemindemale students interested in ting a colony of Sigma LambGamma at UCCS.”

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n: “The mission of Pi Beta Phi ity for Women is to promote hip, develop women of inteld integrity, cultivate leadership al and enrich lives through unity service.”

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Photo Courtesy of Evan Shelton

We’re not really sure where this guy is or what he’s up to, but we thought his suit looked awesome, so here ya go.

culture When being tantalizingly tan is a bad thing Page 8

April 26 to May 2, 2011

Jessica Lynch jlynch@uccs.edu

The overwhelming need to tan could be blamed on Coco Channel, who in 1920 declared tanning to be “in.” Since then, a healthy summer glow is more than a light freckling or a slightly-less-than-pasty complexion, but rather a full body transformation. Granted, not everyone wants to resemble an Oompa Loompa, but the need for a darker complexion is rooted in everything we see and believe to be beautiful.

While sporting a sexy tan is nice, it does have its drawbacks. We’ve all heard this spiel before. We’ve seen the scary, wrinkly faces attached to the young, toned bodies on posters in the doctor’s office bathroom and we’ve nodded our heads in silent, but resistant agreement

too many times to keep track. We know too much sun exposure is bad, and yet, we don’t seem to get it at all.

Tanning salons cater to and specifically target young men and women. These salons are selling you, on a subconscious level, the idea of beauty, popularity and sexiness. What they are also selling you, however, is a first class ticket to potentially dangerous future skin problems.

As of Feb. 28, the American Academy of Pediatrics, a group of 60,000 pediatricians, is working to ban underage use of tanning salons. According to Perry Robins, MD, President of The Skin Cancer Foundation, “The damage caused by the UV radiation from tanning beds and the sun is cumulative and often irreversible, and the earlier people start to tan, the higher their risk of developing skin cancer in their lifetimes.”

As explained by The Skin Cancer

Foundation, those who frequent indoor ultraviolet (UV) tanners are 74 percent more likely to develop melanoma than those who haven’t. Approximately 8,650 Americans died in 2009 from melanoma, which is the dangerous form of skin cancer.

“Ultraviolet radiation from tanning machines is cancer-causing to humans, according to a 2009 report released by the International Agency for Research on Cancer (IARC), affiliated with the World Health Organization,” stated The Skin Cancer Foundation’s website. Solar radiation, according to The IARC, is one of the most dangerous carcinogens, or any type of agent actively involved in causing cancer.

Those who are fair-skinned and or have family members who have dealt with melanoma are at an even greater risk for future skin problems. In spite of predis-

position or family history, one of the main reasons people continue to tan is because it makes them feel more confident. But, I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that your confidence will probably be shot to Hell if the tanning ventures end with you having a chunk of your right ear removed in lesion-removal surgery.

So, in lieu of setting up a six-month membership with Tan your Hide or spending gratuitous amounts of time outdoors baking, try one of the many self-tanning lotions currently on the market. Notorious for turning elbows, heels and knees an ugly stay-inside-today brownish-orange (think “Jersey Shore”), a few brands have perfected the formula. One kind to try is Jergens Natural Glow. Granted, you won’t look like you just spent a week in Mexico, but after a few days you will begin to notice a slight change to your most likely incredibly pale complexion. S

Kronum: A new sport gaining global attention Ryan Piechowski rpiechow@uccs.edu Kronum, a sport invented in Pennsylvania by Bill Gibson in 2008, meshes aspects of soccer, basketball, handball and quidditch, to create a hard hitting, fast paced new sport that is slowly taking America by storm.

Created in Newton Square, Pennsylvania’s Gable Park, Kronum mixes traditional concepts like playing on a court and using goals and referees, with a futuristic element. Player avatars allow the fans to virtually trade and draft players in a real-life fantasy league type situation.

Kronum is played on a circular grass “court” divided into zones. On the perimeter of the large circle court are four evenly spaced goals, each a bit smaller than a traditional soccer goal. Two teams battle head to head with one team attacking any goal of their choosing; this is done while the opposition simultaneously defends all four until they are

able to regain possession of the ball. Possession of this ball is completed when one team captures the ball and carries it to the center circle.

Points are scored in a variety of ways. Much like basketball, points can be accumulated by one, two, three and four point increments. This is all dependent on the distance and difficulty of the shot. Points can also be scored by netting the ball in the soccer style goal from any of the point zones on the field.

Above the netted portion of the goal are five rings not much bigger than the diameter of the playing ball. Scoring in these rings doubles the point total from whichever zone the shot was taken from. In other words, a point scored in one of these rings from a four point zone on the field would result in eight points. Depending on the aggressiveness and skill of the team, games usually end in the 60-120 point range.

Kronum fields ten players per team, with participants divided into three positions: wedge backs, flex backs and

Photo courtesy of wired.com

From a layman’s perspective, it looks like soccor bred with basketball, had an affair with quidditch and produced this weird game where you can touch the ball but not dribble it.

roamers. The wedge backs are similar to defenders in soccer as they are the first line of protection in front of the goals.

However, once the ball is turned over, wedge backs become the closest players to the goals, and can score the low point goals for their team. The flex backs act as the main large point scorers. The roamers are compared

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to point guards in basketball as their main job is to distribute to open players around the field.

They are still capable of scoring at times themselves.

With changes in possession occurring rapidly throughout the game, Kronum moves at a tremendous pace with very few play stoppages.. Depending on retention of the ball, players

must change from offense to defense rapidly and with complete awareness.

Although Kronum is still a burgeoning sport, it is gaining rapidly gaining popularity.

With an incredibly interactive website and YouTube highlight videos, Kronum has gained national attention by television stations like NBC. S

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athletics

April 26 to May 2, 2011

Page 9

Inconsistency plagues UCCS golf team, fall short of sixth consecutive Rocky Mountain Athletic Conference title Ryan Adams radams3@uccs.edu The UCCS golf team found themselves at the top once again, but couldn’t seal the deal at Wigwam Golf Club on April 19 as they shot a second day combined team score of 301, receiving a fourth place finish at the Rocky Mountain Athletic Conference (RMAC) Championship in Phoenix, Ariz.

The team came into the final round with a stupendous team score of 16-under par after seniors Chris Shoop, Brian Morfeld, Riley Andrews and sophomore Spencer Biersdorff finished two-under par over two rounds.

The Mountain Lions finished the first day one stroke ahead of Fort Lewis and three strokes ahead of both Colorado School of Mines and Colorado StatePueblo. It was important for the men to stay ahead of Fort Lewis, since the Skyhawks had a very realistic shot at denying UCCS its sixth consecutive RMAC title. Unfortunately, the inconsistency bug that haunted the team all spring found UCCS

once again.

Entering the final round, needing four solid rounds of competitive golf, the Mountain Lions tanked and shot a dismal 301 with Andrews’ one-over par 73 being the top score for the squad. Morfeld shot 74, Shoop had 75, Michael Tilghman had 79, and Biersdorff finished with 80.

After the round was complete, the team had dropped 29 strokes to tournament champion Colorado State-Pueblo, and 21 strokes to second place Fort Lewis. The strokes lost to Fort Lewis were probably the hardest to swallow for the team as the Skyhawks overcame the Mountain Lions one point lead to claim the title and were the first team in six years to hold the trophy besides UCCS. Coach Phil Trujillo thought the team played competitively in the first round, but nowhere near expectations during the play that followed.

“The team played well in the first round but didn’t follow that up in the second round. We had a one shot lead after the first two rounds but played poorly in final round, “

Photo courtesy of gomountainlions.com

Senior Riley Andrews finished with a team high one-over par during the final round of the RMAC Championship on April 19.

he said. “We just couldn’t get it going on the short courses which lead to many birdies for everyone but us. It was a tough loss since we have three seniors on the team as well as that consecutive RMAC Championship streak.”

Despite a tough break at the RMAC Championship, UCCS still has a couple opportunities left on the board to salvage the season. Trujillo believes the team still has some work to do, though, as the season reaches the end of April.

“I knew it would be difficult for us since we haven’t been able to put three rounds together yet. It’s been a tough spring and we have a lot of work to do if we’re going to advance in the Regional,” concluded Trujillo. S

UCCS softball remain in playoff contention after solid weekend play Ryan Piechowski rpiechow@uccs.edu The UCCS women’s softball team finished a four game home stand against the Adam State Grizzlies with three wins and a loss to keep themselves a game ahead of Nebraska-Kearney for the eighth and final RMAC playoff spot with only five games remaining in the regular season.

During the last home games of the season, the lady Mountain Lions were looking to come out strong and make a statement with four straight matches against Adams State and the opening doubleheader began with a 4-3 Mountain Lion victory. Senior Amanda Hathaway hit a home run and junior Becca Smith pitched a five hit, ten strikeout complete game, where she also saw a streak of 33 straight innings without a walk come to an end. UCCS fought through back to back solo homers in the fourth to regain the lead on the three run homer by Hathaway.

The ladies fell behind early in the second game of the day and were unable to recover as they dropped an 8-5 decision, which included three errors and allowed three runs in the first to put them in an early hole. A three-run pinch hit homer by Jennie Archambault in the top of the seventh sealed the game and the day split for the Grizzlies. Freshman pitcher Jessica Belsterling threw five innings, allowing six runs to drop to a 9-10 record on the year.

Finishing with a two game split just one day prior, the Mountain Lions headed into their Saturday doubleheader

Photo by Ariel Lattimore

The lady Mountain Lions playoff hopes are still alive after they walked away with three wins against Adams State over the snow-filled weekend of April 22-23. UCCS aims to hold onto the eighth spot as they eneter the final stretch of the season.

with their playoff hopes hanging in the balance, and through great pitching and defense, UCCS was able to take care of business and take the weekend against Adams State with a two game sweep to preserve their playoff aspirations.

In the opening bout of the doubleheader, Smith pitched a two hit shutout to grab the much needed 3-0 win.

UCCS jumped out to a quick two run lead in the first inning and never looked back as great pitching from Smith kept

the Adams State bats at bay all morning.

Later that afternoon, Smith struck out the RMAC RBI leader, Jaycee Lovato, on the last out of the seventh inning to hold on to a narrow 6-5 victory in the second game of the doubleheader.

Lovato had a chance to tie or win the game for the Grizzlies down a run with runners on the corners but was unable to get the best of Smith who now holds an 11-9 record this season.

“Getting two games was huge,” said Head coach Scott Peterson. “It’s still going to come down to our next four games. We’re going to see a real good Mines team next weekend.”

UCCS currently hold the last playoff spot but have both Nebraska-Kearney and Chadron State breathing down their necks but look to hold on to that eighth spot when they visit Colorado School of Mines next weekend for a four game stand in Golden. S

opinion

Page 10

April 26 to May 2, 2011

The right kind of customer service

Cherise Fantus cfantus@uccs.edu Image courtesy of lovebscott.com

Grammar this bad makes us never want to eat Saltines ever, ever again, no matter how nauseous we are or the fact that we long ago ran out of ginger ale.

Cant beleive alot of this shizz

Jessica Lynch jlynch@uccs.edu I’ve made my fair share of mistakes. I’ve laughed when I should have cried. I’ve forgotten to clean the cat litter box a few too many times. I’ve worn the same pair of socks multiple days in a row. However, regardless of this superfluity of face palm incidents, if there’s one thing I can honestly say I seriously try to never do, it’s forget the importance of grammar.

Grammar matters, dammit!

It especially matters if you want to be or remain my friend.

Now, I’m not a complete hard ass. I’ve made a few exceptions and let a couple errors slide, but overall, if you consistently use the wrong “there” I will unfriend you first on Facebook and then in real life. And I will not mourn your death, either.

I realize we all have our faults. I mean, I’m not the greatest speller in the world, but I’m pretty sure that’s where Google comes in. Look, I get it: when you’re in constant connection via text message, Facebook and Twitter it’s hard to consistently capitalize appropriate letters. I mean, it’s about as hard as put-

ting a new role of toilet paper on the dispenser.

God, that takes so long, doesn’t it?

Based on that comparison I’m more or less surprised people even use toilet paper. I guess there’s a lot of hovering and butt wagging.

I don’t think I’m actually asking for all that much. I don’t expect you to use semicolons on a regular basis or write long, overly complex sentences using the word “cacophonous.”

However, you should know when to use a comma and you should understand the seriousness of a missing question mark.

I mean, are you trying to give me gray hair?

Wait. I already have some. Your fault!

Unlike most girls, regardless of how attractive, tall or funny a guy is, if he can’t take an extra second to use punctuation, I will lose interest.

It’s a guarantee.

I realize now that it’s not something over which I have much control. It most likely stems from my very strict childhood and the early weaning from the word “like” I experienced. Look, if using proper grammar is the difference between going hungry or getting dinner, you’ll start to take it seriously.

If you don’t think this stuff matters, then leave me alone. I promise I won’t miss you very much. In fact, I will most likely rejoice in your departure and dance around in my fluffy white robe.

I know I sound like a jerk, but the English language is pretty much my

baby. If you ever look at it, touch it or smell it wrong, don’t be surprised if I sneeze all over you, spit in your hair and spill my steaming, overpriced Starbucks coffee on your favorite shirt.

If you drop my child, I have plastic knife skills and blood will be shed.

If you can’t live up to my standards, or don’t share a similar love for a beautifully constructed sentence, then maybe we never had that much in common to begin with.

Here’s the thing: I’m going to correct you. I will be critical and while I have a warm heart, I expect more from people. I think we can do better. I won’t put up with it because I think the majority of these errors stem from laziness. And guess what? You can correct me, too.

In the end, I think, more than anything, it’s common courtesy. Don’t make me decipher your text or cringe when I see your wall posts. Don’t make me seize in my office chair or give me a random bloody nose because you failed to notice that “a lot” is two words.

It’s just not very nice of you. I surely wouldn’t wish such terrible things on you. Well, unless you write “loose” instead of “lose.” In which case, I’ll see you outside the library at 6 p.m. with my grammar text and my AP Stylebook.

To all of you who care about my well-being I wholeheartedly thank you and promise to draw you awesome pictures on my sticky notes to show my appreciation. S

A few weeks ago, I wrote about the appalling downward trend of customer service and all-around common courtesy in our society. I am happy to tell you, however, that there are still friendly, generous people out there.

The other day, I needed the usual mid-afternoon pick-me-up, so I decided to go to Starbucks. I generally try not to support evil chains that put my neighbors out of business, but that day, the need for convenience superceded the need to stand by mom and pop.

There was a bit of a line in the drive-through, but I waited patiently. When I got to the window, the barista handed me my Venti vanilla latte and said, “Here you go; your drink is free today!”

I looked at her, dumbfounded for a moment, before stammering, “Thank you!” I didn’t know how to respond because I’m not used to random acts of kindness. What I’m used to is cold, uninterested, usually somewhat annoyed service.

I usually leave a store ready to bite someone’s head off – the first person who looks at me will do – because I’ve had such a terrible experience in that store. There are a few places that leave me in a great mood, though.

I shop at Whole Foods every week. I know what you’re thinking – what a snob, right? I just like to be healthy, though. It has become so much more than just shopping there in search of less polluted food choices. I also shop there for the positive environment.

When I have gone to stores like King Soopers, I receive the same cold treatment and unwillingness to help that I described earlier. I have enough stressors in my life; I don’t need my weekly shopping to be one of them.

When I go to Whole Foods, though, I nearly feel relaxed. The design of the store is almost therapeutic. The people in the store – employees and shoppers alike – are always friendly. It is never difficult to find an employee if I have a question, and they are more than willing to help when I do. They will chat happily with me when I’m checking out, and I always leave feeling calm and relaxed. (I realize that Whole Foods is another “evil chain,” but I only shop there limitedly. I buy my meat locally and try to shop at farmers markets for whatever I can when they are open.)

Another wonderful

place to shop is the Apple store. I have never had a bad experience there.

They make a concerted effort to ensure the customers will not have to wait long to be helped.

When you have a stupid question, they don’t treat you like an idiot like most tech-savvy people do (think the IT guy from that Saturday Night Live skit). They are not only willing to help, they are downright eager. I always feel like I walk out of there with all of my questions answered.

Since I have only mentioned large national chains so far, I feel the need to talk about one of my favorite local shops.

The store is called Ruffing It, and it is a pet supply store. Since I have four pets, I spend quite a bit of time there. The owner is usually the one to help me. She is friendly and knowledgeable, and willing to go out of her way to answer questions. Sometimes I stop in, not to buy anything, but just to ask a question, and she is always happy to help me.

My dogs and I are always happy when we leave.

These are just a few examples of good service.

I’m sure there are others that I have yet to encounter. The point is, it’s sad that they are the minority. In a perfect world, we should be able to walk into any store and receive the same amount of care and attention. For the time being, though, I will stick to the places that don’t leave me feeling like I want to scream or push someone.

Photo courtesy of ruffing-it.com

It took us a minute to realize that this was a place where one purcahses supplies for keeping pets alive and healthy. We were worried about Rule 34 there for a moment.

the

Scribble

“Still, if a statement cannot reasonably be interpreted to be one of express or implied fact, it cannot be libelous. This means that humor columns, spoofs, cartoons and satire are protected as long as readers understand that the material is not intended to be taken seriously.”

-Student Press Law Center

Boomer attacks, mauls charitable Easter Bunny It didn’t take long for news to reach Boomer, the UCCS mascot, that the Easter Bunny was on campus Sunday sfarrell@uccs.edu afternoon hosting an Easter egg hunt for local children.

According to witnesses, all seemed to be going well until Boomer arrived on the scene.

Student Brian Keptcher recalled the following, “Everyone was having a great time, a five-year-old kid had just found the ‘golden egg’ with $20 inside when we spotted Boomer starting toward us from the library. We thought he was coming over to join in the fun with the kids; he walks straight past the kids and punches the Easter Bunny in the face. I mean, just lays him out.”

Frantic parents immediately called Public Safety, who promptly arrived on scene to an enraged Boomer and badly bruised Easter Bunny. The man in the Easter Bunny suit, Markus Flannery, sustained little more than a broken nose and bruised rib cage (Boomer allegedly kicked him when he was down) and has yet to announce whether or not he’ll press charges.

One thing that is not being argued, however, is the beloved mascot’s propensity to be territorial when it comes to visitors who are dressed in suits remotely resembling another member of the animal kingdom. According to one school official, “Boomer has been on edge as of late with mounting personal issues alongside of dealing with the possibility of his name being changed to ‘Clyde,’ something he’s not too fond of at the moment.”

Boomer was verbally reprimanded and remains employed. S

Stephen Farrell

The news in brief Apple develops new app., students no longer have to go to class

Thanks to Apple’s iUCCS app., students can skip class with relative ease. The iUCCS app. features video lectures, eBooks, online quizzes and Microsoft Office. The app. has twice the popularity of Angry Birds; however, student tuition has gone up since its installation. The iUCCS app. is known to be a pain because it assigns homework instantly and makes an obnoxious beeping noise. Professors love it because they can go on vacations while their students are forced to study. Several buildings are being closed down due to lack of attendance.

S

Student gets stuck to mountain lion statue Senior John Burgess, known for his body odor, has finally showered. Unfortunately, he is hydrophobic and decided to bathe in soda. This weekend, Burgess took Coke into the shower and scrubbed himself clean. He felt refreshed as he strolled to class. Before going inside, Burgess stopped in front of the mountain lion statute to tie his shoe. He lost his balance and fell onto the statue. The Coke in which he had bathed left a sticky residue, which in effect glued him to the statue. He was there for hours until Campus Security rescued him. He has since decided to bathe with milk.

S

Model contracts tetanus from dress; sues designer

A model from Nancy Judd’s “Recycle Runway,” a line of clothing made from trash, which the designer describes as “wearable art,” is suing the artist. While modeling the dress featuring rusty nails, model Layla Syracuse scratched her arm on one of the nails. When she started getting stiff muscles and had difficulty breathing a few days after modeling the dress, she went to the hospital, where she was diagnosed with and treated for tetanus. “I joked that looking at the dress made me sick,” said the model, “I just didn’t realize it would actually make me sick!” She has made a full recovery from the illness.

S

Bee in classroom destroys learning curve

Last Thursday, a lone bee trapped in a Columbine Hall classroom wrought havoc on the learning process. The tiny winged insect, by itself nearly harmless, terrified all 28 English literature students to such an extent that exactly no learning took place. “It was awful,” said one student, junior Liza Frite. “I mean, I’ve never been stung by a bee, but I could be allergic, you know? I might potentially die!” When the professor realized that no learning was possible that day, he dismissed his class, quietly waited for the bee to settle in one place, trapped it in a glass and freed it outside.

-Scribe Staff

Photo Illustration by Emily Olson

The rabbit may not have looked quite as menacing as Frank of ‘Donnie Darko’ but damn if Boomer didn’t find his threatening.

TOP TEN Frapes

(Facebook rape)

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

I love Justin Bieber.

I don’t want to put my cat down, but I also don’t want to buy it food anymore.

I just farted and accidentally pooped my pants.

I wouldn’t do your mom.

I had a dirty dream about my mom last night . . .

I have gonorrhea. Will you be my friend?

I like little boys.

When I see a farm animal, my pants get tight.

It burns when I pee. Is that normal?

I have a small penis. Sometimes I can’t find it.

-Scribe Staff

Student Spotlight: Natalie Median is an average student Cherise Fantus cfantus@uccs.edu Recognizing people of subpar achievement is not an easy task, especially when they’re practically invisible.

Junior Natalie Median has been performing in the average spectrum throughout her academic career. She’s worked hard to stay behind the scenes and out of everyone’s hair. So far, she’s done an incredible job. She holds a solid 2.5 GPA, and has done so each semester in her three years at UCCS. She is a communication major with average aspirations. When she graduates, she wants to become a receptionist for a middle-of-theroad company. “Erin from ‘The Office’ is my hero. Answering phones is my dream job,” she said.

She is taking a course load of 12 credit hours this semester, as she has every semester. She spends exactly 30 minutes studying each day.

“If it takes me more than 30 minutes, I’m working too hard!” she said. She has the mentality of a five-year-old and likes to color and play Barbie.

This year, Median considered joining a club, but then decided not to at the last minute. “I’m sort of interested in poetry, so I thought about joining the poetry club, but then I realized I would have to actually write poetry and go to meetings and stuff.

That just sounded exhausting,” said Median. She has also shown a few seconds interest in golf, water skiing,

basket weaving, finger nail painting, hair cutting and washing dishes.

She has not participated in any other extracurricular activities during her college career.

“I had high hopes for her when she was a baby,” said Median’s mother, Sandy Median, “She turned out to be average in all of her measurements when she was a baby, she always got average test scores in school and she received average grades. We are very proud of her.”

She works 20 hours a week at a local fast food restaurant, where she makes minimum wage. She never gets tips and is proud of how much people don’t actually converse with her. She still lives with her parents, and has no plans to move out on her own, even after she graduates.

In high school, she went out for volleyball and made the B team. She graduated 50th in her class of 100 with a C average.

Median is 5 feet, 5 inches in height and has shoulderlength, straight brown hair.

She is of average build and average attractiveness. She has a boyfriend who she’s been dating for two months.

He’s okay.

She has five friends, and has no intention of making any more. She doesn’t talk to many people in class.

“I have no idea who that is,” said sophomore Tommy Pavlish, who sits next to her in algebra. Median loves her name; it’s one of the only things she’s passionate about. S