Sept. 10, 2009

t he scribe

The official student newspaper of the University of Colorado at Colorado Springs.

September 10 to September 16, 2009 [Volume 34; Issue 3]

CU budget cuts: $80 million and counting Visiting professor from China to teach courses in the spring

The UCCS campus

Justin Case Interning Reporter

In response to statewide revenue falls, Govenor Bill Ritter and the Colorado State Legislature have planned substantial cuts to the University of Colorado budget.

The massive 2008-2009 economic recession has brought foreclosures to homes, bailouts to mort-

Catherine Jensen Campus News Editor

The Scribe gage companies and bankruptcy to the auto industry, but it hasn’t stopped there.

It’s now affecting the echelons of higher education.

On August 25th, the Governor announced that $81 million would be cut from the state higher education spending and that CU’s portion of the cut would equal about $30 million. This comes shortly after $50 million in cuts were made at the beginning of the 2009-2010

school year. In response to the first round of budget cuts, the University of Colorado was forced to cut $16.1 million in salaries and benefits and $10.1 million in operations.

The dramatic drop in funding is even more shocking when compared to the budget for the previous school year. The budget for 2008-2009 was a whopping $209 million dollars. After the $50 million and $30 million cuts,

the total budget for 20092010 is approximately $129 million.

In the meantime, the state is planning on using $50 million dollars in stimulus money for CU’s budget for the next two fiscal years, but there are concerns about what will happen when the two years are up.

Continued on page 5

Feature: 2009 - 2010 Student Activities Fee allocations remain undecided The Student Activities Fee is charged each semester to each student to support student life. The $14 a semester fee goes towards supporting student organizations, the student newspaper, student government operations and other student activities seeking funding, according to the 2009-10 course bulletin.

While the budgets for or-

ganizations seeking funds from the student activities fee are traditionally passed at the end of each school year in May, this year, the budgets are being approved in August/September.

Therefore, this is affecting each club and organization seeking that funding while simultaneously effecting SGA’s operations.

See Inside:

SGA budget, pay changes still hanging in suspension Budget Advisory Committee makes budget changes in response to new costs Continued on pages 8 and 9

The End Laugh

CAMPUS NEWS

CULTURE

the PARADOX

Science Building Upgrade page 4

Eating Mexican in the Springs page 11

Astroturf and Escorts pages 14 and 15

New Office of Global Education page 5

Dr. Shiquan (Michael) Wang, an associate professor ad joint in communication, will spend a year at UCCS conducting research, giving lectures, providing free Chinese language instruction as well as teaching two special topics courses in communication in the spring of 2010.

Wang, born in Xi’an Shaanxi Province, China has a prestigious background in leadership and communication. His list of credentials include teaching English, holding various management positions and being one of the founders of China’s first local colorized English newspaper, Shanghai Daily.

Currently, Wang serves as the director of the training innovation center at the China Executive Leadership Academy Pudong (CELAP). CELAP is a Shanghai-based national institution funded by the Chinese central government. CELAP provides training for senior government leaders and top executives from the business community and focuses on social improvement and economic development.

Dr. Michael Hackman, professor of communication at UCCS, met Wang when he was invited to speak at the 2007 CELAP Leadership Forum in Shanghai on his textbook, Leadership: A Communication Perspective, which

OPINION “Green Jobs Czar” Van Jones resigns page 6 China, organs and healthy competition page 7

had been translated into Chinese and was being used at CELAP. The forum brought together leadership scholars and practitioners from around the globe to discuss the latest trends in leadership.

While at the forum, Hackman made contact with Wang who discussed with him the possibility of initiating collaborative exchanges between CELAP and UCCS. In June 2009 that vision became reality when Hackman took a group of fifteen UCCS students to China to live and study at CELAP and explore Chinese culture.

Wang then chose to visit the U.S. in the hopes of obtaining knowledge as well.

“I want to teach, but also to know the other side of the globe,” he said.

Wang and Hackman are hopeful that this school year will be a time to continue and expand the learning which has already begun. The two special courses Wang will be teaching, they believe, will be a wonderful funnel through which to do so.

The courses, “Contemporary Chinese Media and Leadership Communication” and “Chinese Culture and Communication” will cover many facets of Chinese culture including history, calligraphy and family life, says Wang.

Wang adds that the courses are not only for those pursuing degrees in Communication.

He is hopeful that taking

Continued on page 5

SPORTS UCCS Cross Country hosts Rust Buster Invitational page 12

CONTACT | phone: (719) 255 - 3658 | fax: (719) 255 - 3600 | email: scribe@uccs.edu | website: www.uccsscribe.com

2

word of the scribe

September 10 to September 16, 2009

scribe staff

The most ineffective group on campus

Jackie Parkinson Executive Editor Only a few weeks into the school year, the Student Government Association (SGA) already disappoints me.

Last April when I received word of my new position at The Scribe as Executive Editor, I could not have been more thrilled.

This had been the third time that I had applied for the position and after three interviews, three extensively long applications and three years of growth, I was finally given the position I had worked for.

I started my year off with a game plan. A game plan is what we run by at The Scribe. It is what helps to maintain order and to keep us on schedule as we print each issue. Almost every organization runs with a plan to keep themselves achieving their goals and accomplishing daunting, yet conceivable tasks.

SGA also has a game plan, a game plan that has been tirelessly organized by the administration to keep them achieving their goals, while remaining an effective student body. Yet, in a mere few weeks, they have become what I deem the most ineffective group on campus.

Effectiveness is not measured by a single individual, but by a group of individuals working toward a single goal. After last year’s elections, the goal for this year was recognized as promoting inclusiveness of the student body to begin the year with poise and structure, while utilizing SGA’s power to its fullest.

Yet, this is not what I have seen in the past few weeks. Instead, I have seen unprofessionalism by multiple members, individualistic agendas and power hungry individuals. Do we want these motifs representing UCCS? After all, we voted them

into office last year, so it would be rational to assume that we knew exactly whom we were voting for, but really, we knew that if we filled out a ballot, a slice of free pizza would be our reward. Trust me, I did not buy lunch once that week.

SGA’s ineffectiveness does not begin at their inability to have a speedy meeting, or reach out to a student group; they begin at not having enough people to fill their seats. After all, the SGA budget in our feature would have been passed last May if they had had quorum at their legislative council meeting last spring, when they were supposed to have passed all budgets for this year.

Yet, only a few showed up to help the student life of our school grow and prosper.

Then, the people that do fill the seats end up in one of three situations: Inflated by a power trip, unprofessionalism or working alone.

The first is one that I have seen by multiple members since they took office. They are too focused on what their title is to see what their title really means. Their title may say that they lead an organization of students, but it really means that they are the face of an organization that has power, but more importantly has potential. Their title means that they have the potential to change our school by reaching out to a new club to include students in student life, to recognize a faulty grading system that affects the students, or really, to bring about positive change at UCCS. But what is a title if you only use it for the power?

An organization cannot be effective if its members are only focused on the power they hold, rather than the potential that power gives.

The second is the unprofessionalism exhibited by members running their mouths to other organizations, accosting the chancellor when she is meeting with donors or simply not listening to a student organization in need. Professionalism is seen as a form of respect to one another in business situations, and

if a student leader does not recognize that professionalism is of the utmost importance, how can SGA ever be taken seriously?

If SGA is seen as a joke, as it is right now, then what are they doing but diminishing the student’s voice to the administration? By not presenting a level of professionalism, SGA is only diminishing its own effectiveness as an organization.

The third is when I catch members working by themselves, for the mere reason that they are confident that it will be more effective. In SGA it is seen too often: Either the lone representative organizes an entire event by him or herself, or heads up a committee that other members do not follow through with in the long run, so that the lone member is left with daunting tasks to complete alone.

While it may be good reasoning to think that it would be more effective for this member to complete these tasks alone, we need to factor in the manpower. After all, if one person is the only member working for change in an organization, they cannot be as effective as a collective group putting aside their personal agendas and working in a like-minded situation together with the same goal.

While it may prove troublesome for SGA to recover from the controversy that ensued last year, and I do appreciate all the time and effort that has been put forth thus far, I challenge the members to accomplish what they set out to do at election time, or rather, to accomplish their game plan, and create an inclusive campus. I challenge them to make me look back at this year and think to myself that SGA was one of the most effective groups on campus- putting aside egos, behaving in a professional manner, and working together. After all, what good is the power you hold, if you do not use it to build our campus?

Contact the writer at jparkins@uccs.edu

striving to present the truth to the students by creating an open forum for opinions and ideas

Executive Editor Jackie Parkinson

Managing Editor Tim Canon

Copy Editor Randy Robinson

Culture Editor Avalon Manly

Opinion Editor Byron Graham

Campus News Editor Catherine Jensen

Sports Editor Matthew Crandall

Layout Editor Rosa Byun

Advertising Manager Sarah Tindell

Columnists Tim Canon, Erica Doudna, Byron Graham, Greg Reilly, Veronica Graves

Reporters Ricky Dalldorf, Jim Holtz, Carrie Horner, Chris Medina, Lauren Mueller, David Owens

Photographers Kiley Card, Ariel Lattimore, Carrie Woodruff

Layout Designers Alec Bishop, Chris Sheppard, Justin Soto

Illustrator Arno

Web Designer Dorian Rogers

Interning Reporters Patricia Cameron, Justin Case, Brock Kilgore, Chris Sheppard, Jessica Vaughan

Interning Photographers Shawn Cruse, Kevin Kassem

Distributor Donald Trujillo

Retractions In The Scribe’s Volume 32; Issue 2 “New Events Center seeks to build community, accommodate growth” depicts that “The Center, like a majority of buildings on campus, is LEED certified,” rather that two buildings on campus, the Recreation Center and Science and Engineering Building, do not compose of most of the buildings on campus. Also, the Events Center is not LEED certified but is registered with the U.S. Green Building Council.

Archives Additional copies of the current publication volume will be available in The Scribe office. The Scribe keeps issues from the past five volumes for internal use only. The Office of University Records will handle any request for additional issues from the past five years and beyond.

Letters to the Editor The Scribe strongly encourages Letters to the Editor. Letters intended for publication must not exceed 300 words, must be legible and must include the writer’s name and telephone number. Letters must be turned into The Scribe office, emailed or delivered to The Scribe mailbox in the ROAR office by 5 p.m. the Friday before publication. The Scribe reserves the right to reject Letters to the Editor that are libelous or obscene and has the right to edit as necessary due to space limitations, grammatical or spelling errors and AP style guideline errors.

student life

9/12/2009 - 9/19/2009

12

Foam Dance Party @ Upper Plaza 8 a.m.

Band, Brews, etc. @ Pagosa Springs, CO Boulder Beer Heat Rave @ Boulder, CO

sun. mon. tues.

13

The Fall of Troy @ The BlackSheep 7:30 p.m.

14

Flag Football @ 4 diamonds 4v4 Soccer @ 4 diamonds

Leftmore @ The BlackSheep 7:30 p.m.

wed. thurs. fri.

15

Commuter Student Donuts and Coffee @ Science & Eng. Building 7 a.m.

Bike to Campus-Bike Jam Breakfast @ 7 a.m.

– 9 p.m. & Festival @ 11 a.m. – 1 p.m.

16

17

Sorority Recruitment @ ROAR Office 7 p.m.

Rape Aggression Defense Systems (R.A.D.)/ Contact Campus Police @ 255-3111

Static X @ The BlackSheep 7 p.m.

Sorority Recruitment @ ROAR Office 7 p.m.

Second due date for tuition/fees Mr. Know it All with Steve Linhart @ UCCS Radio (radio.uccs.edu) 11 a.m. – 11:30 a.m.

19

Stroll-a-thon @ Mountain Lion Stadium 9:30 a.m. – 11:30 a.m.

Telluride Blues and Brews @ Telluride, CO

Brad Paisley, Dierks Bentley and Jimmy Wayne @ Fiddler’s Green 7:30 p.m

Hispanic Heritage Month by El Circulo/ Concert by “Los Tres de Habana” Club Orientation @ UC 122 11 a.m. – 1 p.m.

sudoku! (very hard)

18

sat.

want to see your picture? email your photo of the week to scribelayout@gmail.com

sat.

what’s going on today?

Quote of the week:

“Oh, delicious coffee, how I’ve missed you so. The world seems brighter and more interesting with you, and everything is so much easier!” ~Ricky Dalldorf on Facebook

email your quotes of the week to: scribelayout@gmail.com

A pornographic infiltration of Twitter

instructions: i hope you know how to play sudoku because it’s been around for, like, forever, and it is a little suprising that you’re bothering to read this anyway. look it up online. google ‘how to sudoku.’ the first person to bring this completed sudoku will receive a schweeeet Scribe t-shirt. bottom floor UCenter rm. 106

Pornography and activists have finally infiltrated Twitter, a sign, says Tripod co-founder Ethan Zuckerman, not that the site is going under, but that the social networking tool is worth its salt. “If there’s no porn, the tool doesn’t work,” he once stated.

“If there are no activists, it doesn’t work well.” But not to fear, Twitter users: The site has added to its Trust and Safety division and plans to knock out spammers and unsafe users with a swift hand. Whether the site will survive the onslaught of parents from the religious right, however, remains to be seen.

news in brief Fires, Pseudo Dictators and Healthcare The U.S. Forest Service has nearly scored a heroic victory over the L.A. wildfires currently in progress, having contained 60% as of this Tuesday, saving countless lives and dollars in the process. Meanwhile, relieved American parents were relieved to learn last week that due to the interventionist deliverance of a higher power, a dictatorship has not ensued from President Barack Obama’s inspirational speech to the precious children. Americans continue to argue and brandish guns and even fight (sometimes with union-hired fists) over healthcare reform that isn’t going to happen.

4

campus news

CU budget cuts increasing (cont.)

September 10 to September 16, 2009

Science Building upgrade

Continued from page 1 Recently, in a letter on the budget cuts sent out to the university faculty, CU President Bruce Benson noted that, “Even if the economy makes a dramatic recovery,” and “higher education appropriations increase, it will likely take a number of years for us to return to previous levels of state support.”

Benson pointed out that the 2007-2008 appropriation increase of $14 million was the largest single-year increase in CU history and that it will take a lot more to return from $80 million in cuts.

While the university is working on more strategic budget cuts, President Benson and other univer-

sity heads are also seeking some help from Governor Ritter and the state legislature in the form of newer, more flexible operating rules and fewer onerous regulations that currently inhibit them from meeting their monetary goals.

The president did not elaborate on any specific regulations that he is seeking to change, but he did write in his letter to the faculty that, “We made some headway on the issue during the previous session [of the Colorado Legislature] and we intend to increase our efforts in the upcoming session.”

Contact the writer at jcase2@uccs.edu

Visiting professor from China (cont.)

Continued from page 1

Visiting Chinese professor Dr. Wang to teach in spring Photo courtesy of Dr. Wang such courses will provide students with insight into cultural interaction and introduce them to a different perspective. “Every culture has advantages and disadvantages. It is important to learn about both. I want to stress the importance of inter-global communication,” said Wang.

The inter-global communication the university plans to participate in will not end here, according to Hackman. This October, Hackman as well as Chancellor Pam Shockley and Dr. Sherry Morreale,

an Assistant Professor in Communication, will attend the 2009 Leadership Forum in Shanghai. “These collaborative exchanges are the first of what I hope will be many between CELAP and UCCS.” Students can feel free to visit Dr. Wang in the Center for Oral Communication room 312 A or via his campus extension x4606.

Dr. Wang encourages anyone who has questions to come by.

Contact the writer at cjensen2@uccs.edu

Illustrations courtesy of Dr. Anderson

Randy Robinson Copy Editor

UCCS’s Science Building is getting a major makeover, one that will update both its form and function.

Students returning this fall have likely noticed that the Science Building has been on a hiatus. The faculty offices were vacated, with the biology and chemistry staff temporarily shacking up in the new Science and Engineering Building.

Many of the classrooms have been boarded off, and entire pieces of equipment are missing, such as the water fountain near the science auditorium. Although it may not seem like it at first glance, these changes are estimated to add up to $17 million.

Dr. David Anderson, a Professor of Chemistry and the Department Chair of Chemistry at UCCS, explained the purposes of these renovations, but noted that during the summer no renovations actually took place. “One thing [the developers] discovered… was that the floor tiling and the sealant in the fume hoods contained asbestos,” he explained.

Asbestos fibers were once ubiquitous in modern architecture, but after researchers discovered in the mid- 1980s that it was both highly toxic and carcinogenic, it was banned in most buildings in the US and Western Europe.

Denizens of the university have nothing to fear, however, as extreme precautions were taken to ensure the safety of everyone involved in the complete asbestos removal. According to Dr. Anderson, every crack, hole and opening of a room undergoing removal was sealed off with duct tape. He added, “It was pretty amazing to see… it was handled very professionally.”

After the removal of the asbestos, the planned renovations will require additional preparation. In a process that Dr. Anderson described as “gutting the building,” or “demolition,” the entire infrastructure of the building is to be removed and replaced.

Walls, ceiling, tiles, windows, frames, et al., are to be taken out altogether, creating a new image for the old Science Building, which was established at UCCS in 1981.

Dr. Anderson listed several major changes for the building. Perhaps the most crucial for science students is that lab space will be doubled. The new labs will feature new equipment, colored wooden casework, and new lighting. Research labs will receive a full makeover, with rooms featuring large, windowed walls that will allow students passing by to see UCCS science research in action.

Although faculty offices will remain in the same place, the Science Learning Center (SLC) will be relocated from the basement

level to the second floor, at the northwest corner near the upper entrances to the science auditorium. The relocation will provide additional space for the SLC, as well as provide easier access to students who may have missed or skipped over the old SLC location, which was tucked away in a windowless section near the faculty offices.

What will become of the lower level once the SLC vacates to the upper level? The anthropology department will be setting up shop there, bringing the “social sciences” closer to the “hard sciences” in the predominantly chemistryoccupied building.

Other changes include open ceilings, wherein the flimsy board panels that simply act as a buffer between the room and the empty space above will be no more. The open ceilings should create a freerfeeling atmosphere, as well as allow for better air circulation in the offices and rooms. Additionally, glass atriums, much like the ones in Columbine or the Kraemer Family Library, will be installed at the front entrances to the Science Building.

What is the reason for all of these changes, besides the asbestos factor? “Energy savings,” replied Dr. Anderson. In an effort to update the campus according to the “green craze” sweeping the nation, UCCS is aiming for a Leadership in Energy and Environmental Design (LEED) Certifica-

tion, which would demonstrate that UCCS doesn’t just tout environmental awareness, it practices it as well.

The Science Building was originally made to be a green-friendly building.

Designed for “passive solar heating,” as Dr. Anderson described it, the building was positioned so that light would shine in from the west to heat it, thus reducing energy costs.

This method didn’t work for long, though. “During the winter, it would be 80 degrees in our offices… and 40 degrees in the labs,” recounts Anderson, chuckling, “so they installed electric heaters in the labs, which is just about the least energy-efficient thing you could do.” He added that in the summer months, the faculty offices could reach upwards to 90 degrees.

So what renovations is Dr. Anderson most excited about? “Operable windows,” he chimed. The old Science Building’s windows did not budge. They could not open and they could not slide. The new Science Building, which will be glass-infused between the window-paneled walls of the research labs and the front atriums, will, in contrast, have windows that move.

The new Science Building is expected to be completed next summer and fully operational by Fall 2010.

Contact the writer at rrobinso@uccs.edu

campus news

September 10 to September 16, 2009

New Office of Global Education Catherine Jensen Campus News Editor

As the world around us increases global interaction, the opportunities in international education become more readily available and valuable to experience. The new Office of Global Education (OGE), established on July 1st 2009 through the UCCS College of Education (COE), is looking to extend travel opportunities and increase international partnerships for faculty and students.

The opportunities in place include training teachers, establishing English language villages in other countries and holding study tours for students.

Despite the OGE’s recent establishment, the college of education has taken part in previous globalization projects and hopes to utilize the office to ensure the growth of older projects and the establishment of new ones.

“We are going to continue to internationalize the campus,” said Anthony Shull, international coordinator of education in the college of extended studies, in an interview with The Scribe. “One of our main priorities is to increase out of state and international enrollment through these programs,” he said.

One of the main projects has been the formation of Daegu English Village in South Korea. The Daegu English Village was established via a partnership between UCCS and Yeungjin College, also located in Daegu. The Daegu English Village trains students of all ages how to effec-

tively teach English. This partnership offers several programs which include a creative English school for children, a kindergarten program, a three week immersion camp and a family program, according to the global education website.

The success of the village has prompted support from Russia and Turkey who are also looking to establish villages of their own, said Shull. “We are currently working on a proposal which would allow us to help new villages create curriculum, select teachers and manage the academic aspect of things.”

In addition to overseeing the English Village, the OGE sponsors teaching English as a second language (TESL) and foreign language (TEFL) certificates. These certificates enable domestic and foreign teachers to teach English as a second language worldwide. Both domestic and international teachers may come to UCCS for two weeks during the summer to study.

International students are of significant interest when it comes to developing international relations, Shull stated. Students from Korea and Mexico visited UCCS during the summer of 2009 to take part in the English as a Second Language (ELA) program. According to Shull, the COE is currently working on an agreement with Mahommad University in Saudi Arabia and the University of Monaco to bring more students to UCCS in the summer of 2010.

Though the primary focus of the office is to increase globalization on behalf of the College of Education, there are plenty of ways in

which students may get involved, said Shull.

Students in the Department of Education may apply to teach at the Daegu English Village and assist international teachers who come to campus to study or complete training, he said.

Each summer, in collaboration with the Colleges of Business and Engineering, the College of Education also hosts students from Yeungjin College in Daegu.

The purpose of the visit is to “provide practical and hands-on knowledge of the English language as used in the engineering and business environments in the United States,” according to the Global Education website. Students who are interested may attend this trip as well.

The program also offers summer study and culture tours. Students can spend eight days in the beginning of June in Italy or Oaxaca Mexico exploring Italian or Mexican culture. Any student or member of the community is welcome and encouraged to apply.

Students can receive three to four credits for participating in these trips.

Despite the absence of a study abroad program here at UCCS, Shull said there is no reason to be pessimistic about the future. In regards to the OGE, he expressed, “We hope to use our momentum to help the rest of campus develop study abroad opportunities.”

Students and faculty who would like to learn more may visit the Global Education website at www. uccs.edu/globaleducation.

Contact the writer at cjensen2@uccs.edu

5

Save on textbooks

The UCCS Bookstore

Avalon Manly Culture Editor

Purchasing books – even used ones – straight from the campus bookstore can be expensive for many students. In order to help relieve the costs, many students have found alternatives to buying directly from their university bookstore.

Cheapesttextbooks.com is a first step in textbook shopping online. It presents a free comparative price listing for most texts required for college courses. Students can search using a book’s title, author, ISBN or another keyword, and usually the processing time is a brief few seconds.

A chart appears comparing prices from the most common online book sources: Amazon.com, eBay.com and Half.com – even other college bookstores nationwide.

Most books purchased online will be used, but considering the amounts of money that can be saved, many students won’t mind a few dog-eared pages.

Of course, the bookstore in its first few weeks this semester was careful to place out signs that emphasized the uncertain nature of

The Scribe online buying. One sign read, “You always know you’re getting the right text.” Another emphasized that it’s not always cheaper to buy online, and that for many book-buys, the convenience of the bookstore’s location outweighs the small savings.

Still, many students find online buying helpful for cost savings. “My Introductory Statistics for the Behavioral Sciences book is $40.95 [used], without tax at the bookstore. At Amazon[.com], it’s 34 cents,” said Tracey Corcoran, a UCCS senior. “Even with shipping, [the book] will be less expensive than the price [of] the bookstore.”

“The college bookstore is almost always a rip-off,” agreed Sophomore William Patterson, who obtains his textbooks primarily from Amazon.com.

Senior Michael Durbin purchased his texts this semester from the campus bookstore. “Last year,” he said, “Amazon[.com] and half.com worked wonders, though.”

Apart from these more common names in the world of textbook-shopping is Chegg.com, an online outlet for textbook rentals. Chegg’s website claims to save students 65 to 85 percent of the money

Know a good advertisement for The Scribe?

Need Cash?

The Scribe is offering cash upon payment for every advertisement referral we receive.

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they would have otherwise spent on textbooks per term.

Chegg functions according to most renters’ needs.

Books are delivered by priority shipping upon rental.

The average rental is 125 days, and at the end of that span the rented text can be returned to Chegg by way of free shipping.

Any rental can be transformed into a purchase if the student decides they would rather retain the text, and for every book rented, Chegg plants a tree, appealing to environmentally-oriented students everywhere. Students can also sell their used textbooks using Chegg’s online marketplace.

There are a plethora of avenues to quest upon when it comes to purchasing texts. Don’t be fooled into thinking that the campus bookstore is the only option available, or that online buying will always save money. There are many choices open for the student shopper, and using those options smartly may end up saving students more than if they purchased from just one source.

Contact the writer at amanly@uccs.edu

Call Sarah at (719) 255 - 3469 for more info.

6

opinion

September 10 to September 16, 2009

“Green Jobs Czar” Van Jones resigns after controversy

Byron Graham Columnist Anthony “Van” Jones, the White House Special Advisor for Green Jobs, Enterprise and Innovation, resigned from his position last weekend, responding to cable news driven hullabaloo surrounding controversial political statements Jones made before accepting his title.

Branded the “Green Jobs Czar” by the media, Van Jones was appointed by President Obama to oversee the allocation of $30 billion in stimulus funds toward the facilitation of environmentally-conscious industries. Author of The

Green-Collar Economy, a New York Times bestselling treatise on how the implementation of eco-capitalism could foster a stable, more sustainable economy, Jones was widely respected for his insights and proved to be an influential leader for the current generation of civil rights and environmental activists.

Most of the outrage surrounding Jones arose from the fiercely liberal political positions he adopted during his career as an environmentalist—whittled down into sound bites for cable news and aggregated into YouTube clips—many of which have been regarded as extremist by the right-wing and its media emissary, the Fox News Channel.

For example, at a lecture held in February at Berkeley, Jones responded to a question about the efficacy of a majority-republican congress as opposed to the supposed ineptitude of the Democrats currently

in charge, Jones replied, “They’re assholes. That’s a technical political science term. And Barack Obama’s not an asshole. I will say this, I can be an asshole.

And some of us who are not Barack Hussein Obama are gonna have to start getting a little bit uppity.” Apparently, Republicans are too delicate to hear naughty words.

Another contentious point was Jones’ unfavorable comparison of George W. Bush’s addiction to foreign oil to a crack-head fiending for his next hit. I understand that a couple neo-cons’ feelings were hurt by these statements, but were they so outrageous that the man deserved to lose an esteemed position in a field where he’s an acknowledged expert?

Critics, however, saved their juiciest indignation for the decision most contrary to their fevered beliefs: Van Jones was among the “100 Prominent Amer-

icans” who signed the “911 Truth Statement,” which called for investigations into Bush administration official for their possible role in the 9/11 attacks.

Jones has assured detractors that he wasn’t fully aware of the document he signed and that he’s never believed that 9/11 was an inside job. I don’t know whether or not Jones believes Bush was responsible for 9/11, and I truthfully don’t think it matters.

I couldn’t care less about what Jones said, signed or believed before he joined the Obama administration.

If one follows a typical line of rhetoric espoused by Bush apologists, you know, the one where they evoke the nationwide derangement 9/11 wreaked in the collective conscience of US citizens for questionable legal decisions or careless comments they spouted in the years following the attacks? It’s applicable here, and I don’t know why re-

formed 9/11 truthers don’t employ it more often. (I am not, nor have I ever been, a 9/11 conspiracy theorist, but I can sympathize with them because I don’t think the Bush administration adequately answered America’s questions about how the attack happened.

However, I can read and I read Popular Mechanics’ in-depth debunking of several truther theories).

If it works to justify waterboarding, it can work for your reactionary distrust of the government.

Jones was the co-founder of the web-based civil rights activism organization ColorOfChange.org, but left the site after two years. ColorOfChange.org recently initiated a successful advertiser boycott campaign of Fox News’ Glenn Beck program in reaction to Beck’s claim that Barack Obama was racist. Beck has been one of the leading voices calling for Jones’ resignation, which is ironic for such a widely-reviled tele-

vision personality with his own job security to consider (at least 20 advertisers have boycotted his show), but his conflict of interest with ColorOfChange.org should call his entire crusade into question.

In an exclusive statement to CNN, White House Senior Adviser David Axelrod emphasized that Jones’ resignation was voluntary and that no dictate from the president forced his hand. Jones issued an apology for his statements to the press last Thursday, expressing his regret for distracting the media from the president’s agenda. Included in his conciliatory press release however, were accusations that opposing politicos had “mounted a vicious smear campaign against me… using lies... to distract and divide.”

Contact the writer at bgraham2@uccs.edu

Facebook snubbing: The ultimate screen-to-screen shutdown

Erica Doudna Columnist “I’m sorry, what were you saying?” I say this phrase quite often, and not because I think whomever I’m listening to is boring (sometimes it’s the truth though), but because my CrackBerry (I mean BlackBerry) just buzzed. And if that buzz indicated an invite, then I’ve instantly started pondering what I’m going to wear to that theme party going down on Friday night. I think most of us are in agreement that social networking applications for your BlackBerry or iPhone are a godsend!

The best thing about having the Facebook mobile application is all the invites that stream in throughout the day, and if you want to

be involved in campus activities, then just become a fan of OSA on Facebook.

Someone will shoot you invites to every possible event (and I mean, like, five in one day; it can be annoying at times). But then again, even getting an invite makes you feel like your presence is wanted.

And who doesn’t love feeling wanted?

I think we’ve all had those moments: sleep deprived and in serious need of caffeine, and then suddenly the cell-phone chirps, creating the silver lining on that dark cloud that looms overhead—because it might be hump day, but later tonight there’s going to be a party!

Every college student should have at least one friend who lives off campus and loves hosting a good hootenanny. I definitely have a friend who meets this mold, and I’ll call him Baron Partymeister. Baron was bored one day, so he jokingly searched Wikipedia for “party,” and he found the entry of “Singles dance party and mixer” to be of particular interest

to him. Baron later told me that it was in this moment that he decided that every party should be one “which is organized for people who are not married and who want to find a partner for friendship, dating or sex.” Nowadays, people are always finding partners for friendship or dating at Baron’s parties.

And this is the reason that everyone wants an invite to one of Baron’s soirees.

Being as fabulous as he is, Baron has over (last time I actually looked) 500 friends on Facebook.

And if you knew Baron you could take him to Jose Muldoon’s for a top-shelf margarita and get him talking about the feeling of power he feels when hosting his parties—and in particular, the power that comes from sending out those Facebook invites, and purposely not sending someone an invite.

The long and the snub of it is this, Baron couldn’t possibly invite everyone he knows. However, if one has managed to get on Baron’s bad side, then he’ll purposefully invite

this person’s best friend, roommate, and girlfriend/ boyfriend, and he will not invite his current enemy.

His reasoning for these snubbings is this: “He knows I didn’t invite him for a reason, and if he tries to crash, it’ll be hilarious! It’ll be even better if his girlfriend shows up without him!” In all hon-

“ In all honesty, the Facebook snub can be quite fun for some.”

esty, the Facebook snub can be quite fun for some.

Another amusing form of Facebook snubbing comes in the form of the “pocketveto.” Those of us who took civics in high school know that this occurs when the president simply neglects to sign a bill of legislation into law or veto it, and in so doing it goes away, usually forever.

If anything, we all have executive power over our social lives, and somehow we all end up getting invited to events that are completely disinteresting or not worth our time. So the next time that odd guy who lives in the room down the hall sends you a Facebook invite to his fledgling club’s

weekly meeting, try the pocket-veto and do not RSVP anything. Honestly, this is worse than RSVPing “Maybe” and allowing this person to have the hope that you might show without any intention of ever doing so. Further, if you continually RSVP “No,” the inviter may continue to hope that one day you’ll say yes when you’re less busy. The pocket-veto sends a direct message; it says, “Your event is so beneath me that I won’t even take it upon myself to bother with RSVP-ing anything for it—please stop sending invites to me.”

Contact the writer at edoudna@uccs.edu

opinion

September 10 to September 16, 2009

7

Noble activists or delusional China, organs and healthy competition drama queens?

Veronica Graves Columnist

When our parents were our age, many scientists and politicians were hyperventilating over an imminent catastrophe. We all know the signs of Armageddon by heart: floods, ice age, loss of food and resources, mass destruction, all eventually leading to the end of the world. Was this mass panic necessary? What was causing such hysteria in our parent’s generation?

“Global warming?” you ask.

Nope, this mass pandemonium was caused by... global cooling.

Let’s take a step back.

Lowell Ponte’s book, The Cooling, is a great example of the hysteria spread due to global cooling. He stated, “This cooling has already killed hundreds of thousands of people. If it continues and no strong action is taken, it will cause world famine, world chaos and world war, and this could all come about before the year 2000.”

Today, many scientists and politicians are contemplating the end of the world. According to Pro-

fessor Sir David King, former head of the UK’s Government Office for Science, “Antarctica is likely to be the world’s only habitable continent by the end of this century if global warming remains unchecked.” In December 2004, Jennifer Morgan of what was then the World Wildlife Fund stated, “Time is running out for nature and wildlife around the world.”

Throughout America’s history we have heard the same message over and over. The same “we’re all going to die, in just a little bit” story has been simply disguised within a different skin each time: acid rain, global warming, over population, global cooling, oil spills and the transition into the year 2000. They all carried the same dramatic “death” message.

Why? Certain people of every generation seem to find it necessary to have an Armageddon within sight.

Unfortunately for these excitable activists, Mother Nature seems to be doing a pretty darn good job. While these drama mongers obsess over conserving every last sheet of paper, the rest of us pursue important things like living, getting married, having children, holding down a steady job, fighting for our country and accomplishing our dreams.

As James M. Inhofe commented in his speech to the US Senate, Jul 28, 2003, “With all of the hysteria, all of the fear, all of the phony

science, could it be that man-made global warming is the greatest hoax ever perpetrated on the American people? It sure sounds like it.”

The un-dramatic truth of the matter is that global warming and cooling are natural waves that occur in our earth’s climate. As Professor Richard Lindzen wrote in the 2006 Sunday Times, “The Earth’s climate has always shown natural variation … There is nothing to suggest that any warming we are seeing now is not part of that natural cycle.”

Drama does pay for certain government employees (Paris Hilton is in the wrong profession). The more the drama queens worry us, the more leverage they have to tax us to keep us all from dying, of course (thank God for big government!). As Kary Mullis, Winner of the 1993 Nobel Prize in Chemistry, commented, “Global warmers predict that global warming is coming and our emissions are to blame. They do that to keep us worried about our role in the whole thing. If we aren’t worried and guilty, we might not pay their salaries. It’s that simple.”

So the next time you are frightened by the scary monster under your bed, keep in mind that they must spread fear in order to survive, and restrain the urge to strangle them.

Contact the writer vgraves@uccs.edu

at

Greg Reilly Columnist

If there’s one thing the Chinese have shown us, it’s that flagrant violations of basic human rights can sometimes lead to inspired ideas that save lives and reduce corruption. The latest example of the same comes to us from probably around page 10 of every newspaper on the planet, buried deep down where you might see it but probably won’t: organ donations from executed prisoners.

Why haven’t we instituted this in America yet? I mean, of course convicted prisoners here can choose to have their organs donated, but in China, even if you say “no” to donation, the state may well fudge some paperwork and make it happen anyway. This is because of the enormous demand for organs in China and the extremely low numbers of legitimate organ donors—and of course this has nothing to do with the lucrative black

market for human organs in China.

Traditionally, death row inmates in China are executed with the “shoot you in the head” method of execution. Afterward, folk from an ambulance waiting nearby collect the body after pronouncing the prisoner dead. It is widely believed in China that organs are removed from said prisoner in these ambulances.

Whether or not they’re actually donated or “pocketed” for sale on the black market is another story.

I ask again—why haven’t we implemented this in America yet? And not just taking organs from condemned prisoners, but the methodology for execution itself? I’m fairly sure one bullet is cheaper than a bunch of needles and chemicals.

This is just another area where the U.S. is falling behind China. We may treat our prisoners with respect and decency, but at what cost? How about the millions of hard-working, honest, law-abiding Americans in need of organs who have to wait for donations from compatible donors through our fundamentally flawed and over-regulated health care system? Thousands of Americans travel to China every year to get cheap organs without an enormous wait mired down in silly, outdated protocols for

safety and compatibility.

Are we going to let China beat us in organ trafficking the way we’ve let them beat us in crappy plastic knickknack manufacturing?

It’s time to take a stand, people. It’s time to join the rest of the world and really start to stick it to ourselves—we can’t let human rights stand in the way of convenience. We can’t let the well-being of our people stand in the way of the well-being of our other, preferred people. We’re not going to let China have this one. We’re going to show them we haven’t forgotten how to oppress our people and subjugate the individual for the sake of the whole.

It’s time to show China who the real superpower is. It’s time to show China that anything they can do, we can do better. We’ve overlooked thousands of grievous social injustices, sure, but not this time!

And since Obama’s president now, that means we’re even going to do communism better! Forced organ donations! Death panels!

Editorials that can’t figure out which way they spin, thus confusing and subduing American curiosity and sense of social justice!

Take that, China!

Contact the writer at greilly@uccs.edu

2009-2010 Student Activities Fee Allocations Tim Canon

tcanon@uccs.edu

Disclaimer: The numbers appearing in this graph are representations of the figures passed and voted on in SGA’s Legislative Council meeting on Aug. 28.

The minutes from this meeting will not be formally passed until the Sept. 11 Legislative Council meeting, after print of this issue.Therefore, these numbers are subject to change. Information provided by Student Director of Finance Mitch Karstens.

SGA budget, pay changes still hanging in suspension SGA’s budget is still under evaluation due to technical and legal issues surrounding member compensation, according to Student Director of Finance Mitch Karstens.

SGA’s budget process this school year has not been a simple one. On May 8th, the Legislative Council met to pass its 20092010 budget. The budget as it stood then, which included significant pay cuts for SGA top leaders and the addition of pay for other members, was passed, and organizations affected under the budget proceeded to make plans for the school year based on the numbers in it.

Though quorum at that meeting was not met, the Council went ahead and passed the budget anyway as if there were quorum, only to have that budget invalidated. As a result, the budget and its changes in pay did not meet the June 1st deadline for pay changes set under the constitution.

The Aug. 28 meeting was supposed to remedy this situation by re-passing the budget. However, Student Director of Finance Mitch Karstens told The Scribe that at 8 a.m. that morning, campus Legal Counsel informed him that SGA’s new constitution was never approved by student vote, and therefore was not valid for use this year. Consequently, SGA would have to revert back to the old constitution in use for the 2008-2009 school year.

Since the organization did not meet the old constitution’s June 1st deadline for pay changes, it also had to use the pay structure approved under that constitution, which meant the pay cuts would have to be raised back to the old levels, in effect amounting to pay raises for the individuals receiving them. The remaining members, who were told upon election last year they would receive pay, would have that pay completely cut.

Shortly after the start of the Legislative Council meeting, Student Director of Finance Mitch Kartsens explained to SGA these legal and financial issues, the reversion back to the old constitution and the resulting pay changes affecting the organization.

“These changes will affect our bottom line,” Karstens told the gathered senators, representatives and other SGA members, as he proceeded to read through the changes to pay, including a raise of President and Vice President pay back to $500 per month each.

“To compensate for these increased wages, we are taking off the pay for all other members,” he added.This pay would have totaled $100 per semester for each member not already paid under another category. Taking into account this partly offsetting cost decrease, the total cost increase to SGA amounted to just over $6 thousand.

Karstens further pleaded with the members receiving the defacto pay raises to elect out of those higher rates in the interest of student club funding, adding that he himself would likely accept a lower compensation rate in line with the budgets proposed last spring.

During elections last spring, then Vice Presidential candidate James Burge made such a pledge, suggesting, “I want to take part of what is my pay and give it towards the students. However much need be, I want to give it to those student clubs on campus.” Karstens’ plea was made in line with such sentiments.

President Daniel Garcia confirmed in an interview with The Scribe that he would be voluntarily cutting his pay from $500 per month for 12 months down to $300 per month for 10 months — though that amount is still 50% higher than the $200 per month over 10 months originally proposed last spring.

Whether or not the remaining members receiving the higher-than-expected pay rates — including Vice President James Burge, Vice-Chief Justice Estivins Campos, Judicial Board Secretary/Treasurer Mari Guzman, Senator of Multicultural Affairs Samantha Carty and House Treasurer Jane Hackman — will elect into lower compensations, as Karstens requested, remains to be seen.

As of press time, the Budget Advisory Committee has been notified by campus Legal Counsel that the budgets passed on August 28th are also not valid because they were not passed in bill format. The committee is rewriting the budget with the same figures and changes discussed in this issue, and will present the budget in bill format this Friday, Sep 11th at 9:00 a.m.

Budget Advisory Committee makes budget changes in response to new costs On Friday, August 28th, the Student Government Association, responding to new costs, slashed and added funds from last year’s budgets in a now-invalidated attempt to complete its official annual 2009-2010 budget.

Like most other organizations on campus, SGA is “tightening its belt” in response to national, state and local budget shortfalls affecting higher education’s funding. The spending changes were part of a larger campus-wide effort to save money in the face of what CU President Bruce Benson has stated are likely to be long-term state budget cuts to higher ed.

Even though, as SGA President Daniel Garcia pointed out during budget discussions, more student fee allocations are available as a result of increased enrollment, the total amount available to clubs this year will be substantially less than it was last year.

The reason for this seemingly paradoxical situation is that SGA this year is “paying for certain expenses it has never paid for in the past,” explained Student Director of Finance Mitch

Karstens in an interview with the Sc the Scribe Advisor, the UCCS Galle graduate assistant salary, as well as than expected costs due to a reversi Together, these new costs total over offset the $10 thousand increase in Facing a potential year-to-year Karstens and the Budget Advisory C proposed a series of budget cuts in o as close to last year’s amounts as po the August 28th Legislative Counci prove on the budget side will ultim clubs.”

Facing a potential yea crease in club allocati the Budget Advisory C he directs, proposed a cuts in order to keep cl close to last year’s amo

Among the cuts were discretio body, amounting to $500; half of fund, totaling $1,500; and $5,400 erating costs for two issues of The other cuts from The Scribe’s budge or an almost 16% decrease from la student newspaper.

SGA members chose not to deb ence to Karstens’ and the BAC’s re tion was Representative Nerissa En in payroll for the Scribe’s employee ference fee cut. Karstens quickly stif stating that the current pay was lo had already been cut substantially.

The additional costs of the Scr were passed next, followed by the b erary arts magazine RiverRun, wh year. Neither measure met any deba The budget allocation for the G arts organization, involved the most BAC recommendation of $4,000 m sentative Sasha Nafziger, who felt t to $5,000. Samantha Carty echoed since the Scribe Advisor’s allocatio should at least equal that amount.

Again, Karstens took the floor to his recommendation, explaining tha es was “comparing apples to orang of increasing the Gallery’s allocatio would be a decrease in club fundin scinded her recommendation to inc The last thing discussed in the an account whose amounts actual potential SGA savings over the sch $10 thousand in savings for the 20 subtracted from SGA’s bottom line funds that needed to be cut. How “That money is more of a goal than out of funds for clubs…we’ll tap in need it, we’ll certainly give it to the Overall, Karstens’ recommend throughout the entire meeting. Wh lack of debate in an organization a date debate, the complexity of the members gave deference to the BAC Housing Spencer Foote explained, a reason. I would trust them to mak As of press time, the budget pass due to technical issues presented to sel. SGA will vote on the budgeta meeting again this Friday, Sep 11th

cribe. These expenses include ery allocation and SGA’s new s over $6 thousand in higher ion back to last year’s salaries. $15 thousand, and more than student activity fee revenue. decrease in club allocations, Committee, which he directs, order to keep club allocations ossible. Karstens explained at il meeting, “Whatever we apmately affect what is given to

$

By the Numbers

ar-to-year deions, Karstens and Committee, which series of budget lub allocations as ounts as possible.

onary funds for the legislative f the executive discretionary 0 in conference fees and opScribe, as well as $4,400 in et, amounting to $9,876.55, ast year’s allocation to UCCS’

bate these cuts and give deferecommendations. The excepngland’s contention that a cut es should accompany the confled any debate on the matter, ower than previous years and

o clear matters up and defend at comparing the two expensges,” and that the only effect on on the budget as a whole ng. Shortly after, Nafziger recrease the budget. budget was a “seed account,” lly don’t exist but represent hool year. The BAC budgeted 009-2010 school year, which e and affected the amount of wever, as Karstens explained, n an actual number. If we run nto this, if we have to. If clubs em first.” dations met with little debate hile some may wonder at the arguably set up to accommoe changes was such that SGA C on the matter. As Senator of “We have that committee for ke these decisions.” sed Aug. 28 is no longer valid o SGA by campus Legal Counary figures presented at that at 9:00 a.m.

$

Chart by Jackie Parkinson

ibe Advisor, totaling $5,000, budget for UCCS student lithich increased 12% from last ate from SGA members.

Gallery, a UCCS student-run t heated debate of the day.The met disagreement from Reprethe allocation should increase d this sentiment, arguing that on was $5,000, the Gallery’s

KEY

Decrease Increase

 

10 culture

September 10 to September 16, 2009

Potentially harmful substances in your food Lauren Mueller Reporter

3/5 bgraham2@uccs.edu

Byron Graham Columnist

Opening last weekend to an underwhelming boxoffice response, the Miramax-produced “Extract” failed to cash in on the cult following of filmmaker and cartoonist Mike Judge, creator of “Office Space” and “Beavis and Butthead.”

Almost all of Judge’s films have fared better in the home video market after disappointing theatrical runs and “Extract” seemingly continues the trend, opening in 10th place to a meager $4 million opening.

Jason Bateman stars as Joel, the owner of a vanilla extract plant whose life is crumbling around him. He despises his job and resents his employees. A worksite accident provokes an injured employee to threaten a bankruptcy-inducing lawsuit against the factory, thus compromising a possible corporate takeover from General Mills that would allow Joel to leave the extract plant behind, which is essentially a dangling carrot for Joel to follow.

Joel’s wife Suzie (played by the under-utilized SNL comedienne Kristen Wiig) rejects his sexual advances on a near-nightly basis, fueling his desire for a comely, mysterious new temp named Cindy (Mila

Kunis). His only friend is Dean, a stringy haired bartender essayed by a bearded and hilarious Ben Affleck, whose counsel precipitates Joel to experiment with drugs and hire a dim-witted gigolo to seduce his wife in order to pursue his relationship with Cindy guilt-free.

If this sounds like a lot of plot to digest, well, that’s because it is. “Extract” feels like two or three movies lashed together, a concept which often works for filmmakers who direct plotdriven films. But not for Mike Judge, whose comedy is derived from the inanity of corporate culture and the existential dread of meaningless interactions with awkward people, like Joel’s oblivious neighbor Nathan (David Koechner, finally cast in a role besides his signature boisterous redneck from “Anchorman”) who can make driveway small-talk seem like a prison sentence.

In its funnier moments, “Extract” draws from the same comedic template as “Office Space,” mirroring that superior film’s glee at witnessing the utter deconstruction of a hapless everyman confronting the hollowness of his own life.

“Extract” often captures the sort of corporate malaise masterfully lampooned by “Office Space,” but falters in its plotting where that film maintained its focus.

None of the characters in

“Extract” are particularly sympathetic either, which is fine for a movie unless the audience is required to care about these characters enough to desire a happy ending.

Though many of the movie’s early moments brought the house down with laughter, by the time the projector unspooled the final frames of “Extract’s” third act, it was difficult to care what happened to these characters and even more difficult to swallow the uninspired happy ending the film ultimately gives us.

Another foundational problem is that Bateman and Kunis have zero chemistry, but the film has conditioned us believe that Cindy is irresistible to all men, and demonstrates within the first few minutes that she’s willing to leverage their lust to finance her transient lifestyle. The film triples its creepiness quotient if a viewer realizes during one of their flirtatious scenes that Bateman was an established idol when Kunis was barely an embryo.

I would recommend “Extract” for a rental, as it contains enough hilarious moments to merit a viewing, but allows viewers to fast-forward through those scenes when “Extract” is forced to develop its plodding plot.

..

3/5

Some of the most dangerous substances are found in some of the most common foods. Harmful substances like monosodium glutamate (MSG) and aspartame make their way into many foods, and the ingredient lists don’t always tell the whole truth.

The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) does not support claims that these substances are unsafe for human consumption and assures the public of these products’ safety. The FDA blames consumer complaints about adverse effects of MSG and aspartame on Internet myths and preexisting symptoms.

The FDA continues to allow manufacturers to continue adding these ingredients in their products for flavor and dietary supplementation.

Non- informed consumers currently face debilitating side effects after consuming these ingredients.

According to the New York Times, migraine headaches, cancer and even death are some side-effects consumers are experiencing.

Currently, informed consumers in groups like Aspartame Consumer Safety Network and Pheonix Organic, a soda company based in New Zealand, continue to launch campaigns against the use of aspartame. These groups are pushing for distinct labeling on products containing substances like MSG and aspartame.

Aspartame, commonly called NutraSweet or Equal, was approved by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) in 1981. The FDA lists it is found in most diet sodas, diet desserts, gelatins, powdered mix drinks, chewing gum, candies and many other foods. NutraSweet and Equal are sometimes labeled as “phenylalanine” on food labels.

Aspartame is made up of 40 percent aspartic acid, 50 percent phenylalanine and 10 percent methanol,

according to Current.com.

Phenylalanine and aspartic acid are two building blocks of most proteins, so your body digests it like a protein, says the FDA. Yet aspartame is still responsible for a full 75 percent of complaints filed annually to the FDA. The FDA compiled a list of 92 symptoms, including death, from 10 thousand consumer complaints made yearly. The FDA lists headaches, mood changes, abdominal pain, altered vision, seizures, insomnia and many other symptoms occur when consumers ingest aspartame. CBS found that aspartame in diet sodas stored at room temperature can break down into formaldehyde, a preservative which has been linked to cancer and birth defects.

This is one reason aspartame is not recommended for baking.

Aspartame affects the brain by over-stimulating the neurotransmitters, causing damage or destruction to those neurotransmitters, says Current.com.

Current says aspartame has also been known to lead to cancerous brain tumors.

Much like aspartame, MSG (monosodium glutamate) causes excitotoxicity in the brain which damages neurotransmitters, says CNN.com. CNN.com also says MSG can cause brain damage in developing brains of children; unborn children are also at risk of brain damage.

According to the FDA, MSG must be labeled as “monosodium glutamate” only when it occurs in its pure form. Vanderbilt University listed the following products that “always contain MSG”: • Hydrolyzed protein: (plant, vegetable) • Sodium or calcium caseinate • Autolyzed yeast, yeast extract • Yeast food, yeast nutrient • Textured protein • Glutamic acid • Monopotassium glutamate • Gelatin CNN.com said MSG is used as a salt and season-

ing in foods. Msgtruth.org states that MSG is made from the natural fermenting process of starches, corn sugar and beet sugar while making beer, vinegar or yogurt.

“60 Minutes” reported in 1992 that the FDA had set no limit on how much MSG can be in a product.

Because manufacturers mix MSG with other products, giving it another name like “whey protein,” students might purchase something with several different doses of MSG in it.

MSG is commonly found in flavoring bouillon (think ramen noodles), natural flavors, malt extract, dressings, gravies, snack items, frozen dinners, canned meats and fast food, according to CNN.com.

Contact the writer at lmueller@uccs.edu

Do you read the label?

culture

September 10 to September 16, 2009

Lauren Mueller Reporter

Electro-hypersensitivity disorder (EHS), a severe sensitivity to electronic appliances, is becoming more prevalent with the rise of technology.

Symptoms of EHS may include a burning sensation in the face, headaches and dry sinuses according to The Swedish Association for the Electrosensitive (FEB). FEB says people with a high sensitivity to electronics may even experience a lack of concentration, memory loss and even common cardiac palpitations.

“I always ask my friends if they hear that high-pitched ringing noise and they always say ‘No.’ I thought I was the only one,” said Senior Sarah McIver.

FEB says those who are affected by EHS hear a high-pitched ringing noise from television sets, monitors, surveillance cameras, cell phones and fluorescent lights like the ones found in classrooms. McIver said, “In certain areas, I can hear feedback on my cell phone.

That sound gives me a headache.”

The Occupational Safety and Health Administration (OSHA) said Visual Dis-

play Terminals, or VDTs, emit radiation at a low frequency. OSHA said VDT radiation is generally harmless because it is absorbed through the glass screen of a television. When students like McIver experience headaches and uneasiness, though, it’s because cells in their exposed skin increase in temperature, according to ElectroSensitivity.org. This increase in cell temperature causes visible blushing in the skin.

The National Institute for Occupational Safety and Health (NIOSH) has a resource booklet entitled “NIOSH Publications on Video Display Terminals,” and continues to study the question of VDT operator risk from exposure to electromagnetic fields.

According to FEB, many people are heavily affected by VDTs, which cause EHS side effects.

FEB says symptoms usually start with a rash, and prolonged exposure leads to severe pain in the joints, teeth and jaws. People like Sonia Okivack featured on France 24, an international news channel, have a high sensitivity to VDTs and are prevented from working anywhere with fluorescent lights, computers and TVs.

tend class or use computers to complete assignments.

Cell phones aren’t exempt from this phenomenon. “We do not have enough information about the safety of cell phones,” said, Devra Davis, Ph.D in Science Studies. Davis was featured on a YouTube. com clip from Larry King Live. Davis recommends using earpieces and not having your cell phone on your person all the time.

She said young children are especially at risk because their brains are still developing.

There have also been hypotheses that cell phone usage is related to brain cancer. Studies are currently underway to determine any correlation between cell phones and brain cancer, according to Davis.

If a student has ever experienced their ear getting warm after a long conversation on the phone, this is an example of radio wave radiation exposure or electro-magnetic radiation, according to FEB. OSHA says radio wave radiation exposure is generally harmless, because it comes from TVs and all fluorescent lights which students have been exposed to almost everyday.

Students with high EHS would find it difficult to at-

Contact the writer at lmueller@uccs.edu

Read this online! www.uccsscribe.com

Me x

the Springs n i n ica

Eating

Electro-hypersensitivity becoming more prevalent

11

Brock Kilgore Interning Reporter

A quest for the best Mexican food values in a town saturated with marginal mega-chains brought me to three lesser-known, high quality taco benders that won’t crumble the debit card. La Perla Tapatia, Salsa Latina and El Tesoro all balance culturally representative quality with economic value.

For me, Mexican food means any cooking tradition that can trace roots back to Mexico. This covers a lot of ground, but so does the geographic immensity that is our southern neighbor. Each town and state in Mexico has its own cooking traditions that are still evolving.

Once in America, some of these Mexican traditions have grown and changed on their own. These three restaurants are all products of this evolution.

La Perla Tapatia is a taste of Guadalajara. As the Capitol of the state of Jalisco and the second largest city in Mexico, Guadalajara is a blend of rural and urban cultures, and so is the food at La Perla. The menu consists of tacos (two steamed corn tortillas, not crunchy) for $2.25, tostadas for $4.50,

burritos for $5.50 and chimichangas for $6.50, all with the choice of carne asada (grilled beef), barbacoa (slow cooked beef), poblano chicken or grilled pork.

On the recommendation of the pleasant order taker, I chose the Tacos Al Pastor special. This specialty can supposedly trace roots back to Lebanese immigration to Mexico, creating another twist to Mexican food evolution. A taco ‘of the Sheppard’ consists of two stacked corn tortillas filled with marinated grilled pork, well-flavored and firm-textured whole stewed beans, a dry cheese like parmesan and fresh avocados. At $3.50 a piece, this is a perfect blend of culture and value. La Perla Tapatia is open for lunch at 511 30th St. Salsa Latina is the product of a Mexican cooking tradition that evolved here in Colorado Springs. The owner is the son of the owners of El Taco Rey, the longtime downtown Mexican favorite, and the food and atmosphere are very similar. Expect simple, flavorful food slathered in sauce and served in a cozy or cramped environment, depending upon your mood.

Ground beef, stewed chicken, slow-cooked pork, pork green chile and

enchilada sauce are the basic ingredients. They are frugally combined as individual tacos, burritos, tamales, tostadas and enchiladas ranging from $1.35 to $2.85. The green chile covered avocado pork burrito made famous by El Taco Rey is just as good as the parent and the Spicy Papa Burrito, or beef and potato special on Wednesdays for $2.49, is an especially tasty and reasonable treat. Salsa Latina is open weekdays until 6:30 PM at 28A East Rio Grande.

Tesoro is a product of Santa Fe, where the diffusion of Mexican cooking traditions in America have been happening the longest. Unless your parents or date are buying, stick to the appetizers ($6 to $7) and go during happy hour for a frugal experience.

We especially enjoyed the Ceviche that consists of scallop and tilapia pieces cooked in lime juice with tomatoes and spices, and the flavorful guacamole and the mango quesadillas.

Considering the staggering amount of Mexican restaurants in Colorado Springs, it takes a closer look at the roots to discover the traditional values.

Contact the writer at bkilgore@uccs.edu

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call Sarah at (719) 255 - 3469

12

sports

September 10 to September 16, 2009

UCCS Cross Country hosts Rust Buster Invitational

Ariel Lattimore

Both the men’s and women’s cross country teams run strongly during the race.

Tim Canon Managing Editor

Last Friday the Men’s and Women’s Cross Country teams began their 2009 season in stride, finishing fifth and eighth, respectively, in a very competitive field that included top national competitors Colorado School of Mines and Metro State College, as well as Division I Air Force Academy.

Air Force won the women’s race while Mines topped the men’s, but both UCCS teams finished in fairly tight packs. The top seven women stayed within 1:41 of each other, and the top seven of the young men’s team (the youngest in the Rocky Mountain Athletic Conference at an average age of 19, according to Head Coach Mark Misch) finishing within a range of 25 places.

“It was a good race to start off the season,” said Kait Frier, who finished first for the UCCS women and 16th overall with a time of 16 min, 13.58 seconds. “No, we didn’t win, but it was a good break in for a course where we’ll be doing a lot of practicing.”

Frier said she felt as though both teams have a lot of great potential coming from both returning runners and young recruits.

Kassie Mazzocco, one of those young recruits, finished close behind Frier to take 18th place.

Following Frier and Mazzocco for the UCCS women were Alicia Del Pardo (26th), Kelsey Barry (27th), Tavia Hammond (29th), Sara Kettlecamp (41st), Melissa Buchanan (47th) and Tracy Falsetto (48th).

Sam Feldetto finished first for the men’s team at 25th place, followed by Mike English (27th), Michael Johnson (38th), Oli-

ver Williams (45th), Casey Weaver (46th), Ted Schultz (49th), Jeremy George (50th), Josh Jones (51st), Chris Reynolds (56th), Matt Cahalan (58th), Joel Kienitz (63rd) and Allen Browne (66th).

Sydney Laws of Colorado School of Mines won the women’s 4-kilometer race at 14 minutes, 53.72 seconds, and Mines’ Ben Zywicki topped the men’s 6-kilometer competition at 19 minutes, 08.36 seconds.

While the race is only an opening competition designed to break in the season—hence the race’s name—it gave an early glimpse of the competition both teams will face this year in the RMAC. The conference is the highest ranked in the nation in men’s competition and one of the best women’s conferences as well.

“The RMAC conference is the best in Division II,” said Misch. “Last year, five

of the men’s teams competed at nationals.” Two of those teams, Mines and Metro, competed in Friday’s race.

“Given that level of competition and our relatively young teams, we took a conservative approach to the race. We accomplished our main goal, which was to start conservatively and slowly move up throughout,” he added.

The conference’s top teams dominated both individual and team scores, but “that’s what our conference is,” said Misch.

“You can’t control your competition, but there are two things you can control: effort and attitude. We did well in both categories today.”

Far from disheartened by the individual or team results, Coach Misch made a point to emphasize again the conservative approach his teams took to the race.

“We had a good experience today,” he said. “Most

of our runners who ran last year improved their times, and the freshmen got to see some of this year’s likely competition.”

“We train to be ready in November, not September,” added Assistant Coach Corey Kubatzky, referring to the Nov 7th NCAA Division II Central Region Championships and the Nov 21 National Championship. “A bigger test will be the race in Lincoln, NE, in a couple weeks,” he concluded.

The Mountain Lions travel to Lincoln on Sept 19 to compete in the Woody Greeno Invitational hosted by the University of Nebraska-Lincoln. The women’s 6k race will start at 10 a.m., followed by the men’s race at 10:45 AM. Full results for the race will be published at www.gomountainlions.com.

Contact the writer at tcanon@uccs.edu

sports

September 10 to September 16, 2009

13

Sports Buzz: A true hero on Volleyball season off to a and off the field good start

Matt Crandall Sports Editor As we head into mid September, the world of sports continues to flash across computer screens, newspapers, cell phones and televisions.

As I logged on to the Internet earlier this week, my browser was loaded with the latest and greatest headlines making news for the week. Michael Vick continues to be encouraged by fans for his return to the NFL and recent release from prison, while being taunted as an animal killer at the same time from animal activists. Tiger Woods had a rare ‘Happy Gilmore’ moment when he threw his club into the brush after making an errant tee-shot (in case you were wondering, Woods’ caddie was left to fend for himself finding the thrown club). San Diego Charger star Shawne Merriman was arrested for assaulting girlfriend Tila Nguyen, known formerly as “Tila Tequila” on MTV’s bisexual reality show, “A Shot at Love.”

These headlines and stories made for some joy and amusement as I sat bored in the library waiting for the next daily round of classes to begin. I scrolled down to the bottom of the page shocked, yet angry, at the same time. The very last headline that popped

up on the page was one I felt should have been cited first and given the most attention. The headline stated, “Football Hero Disarms Girl on Bus.” That headline got my attention.

On Sept. 3, Yazoo County High School student and football star Kaleb Eulls was making his morning commute to school on the bus like he always did.

What made this such a different ride to school is that a girl boarded the bus with a .38 handgun and began waiving it at others in a rage. The girl later stated her reason for bringing the weapon with her: She was “tired of being bullied.”

Eulls stepped up as a leader just like he does on the football field, except this was a situation that truly meant life or death.

He was able to open the emergency hatch in the rear of the bus and began funneling kids out while attempting to get the girl to focus on him. He waited for the girl’s attention to slip for just a second, and when it did, he was able to tackle her and get the weapon away. The 6-foot4, 255-pound senior made the tackle of his life, and saved lives.

This young man showed courage under fire and put other’s safety ahead of his own. In an interview with The Clarion-Ledger newspaper, local Sheriff Vaughan commented, “He made the statement to one of my deputies that if she was going to shoot anyone, he would rather she shoot him.”

Eulls was recently named one of Mississippi’s “Dandy Dozen,” a title given to the twelve best high school

football players in the state.

He is an honor-roll student with a grade point average that exceeds 3.5 and has committed to play college football at Mississippi State.

With such a bright future ahead of him, Eulls acted in a way not many would have. He didn’t do it for endorsements, a contract or his face on the front page. Kaleb did what was right, and he deserves to be praised a hero.

In the world of sports, ‘hero’ is used in a way that doesn’t define what the word truly means. As entertaining as it is to see that winning shot at the buzzer, a home-run in the bottom of the ninth or that twenty foot putt from afar, the plays of an athlete may be incredible but they’re not heroic. What Kaleb Eulls did was heroic. He saved lives, and I’m sure if asked, he would do it all over again.

Scores and stat sheets are forgotten as time goes on, much like headlines are in the media. There are always more games to be played and more stories to be written. Sports are an important part of American culture, but I deem the entertaining moments as iconic, not heroic. A year from now if someone asked me if I remember who the Broncos played on Sept.

3, 2009, I wouldn’t have a clue. What I will remember is Kaleb Eulls and how his decision to be a leader off the field ended up saving the lives of many students.

Contact the writer at mcrandal@uccs.edu

Recycle this paper!

The UCCS women’s volleyball team gears up for a good season

Matt Crandall Sports Editor

The 2009 UCCS Volleyball Team are off to a good start. The Mountain Lions come loaded with a roster that includes a lot of depth and a lot of underclassmen, including only two returning seniors.

The ladies are led by seniors Kim Pollard and Cassey Santucci, who each bring experience and effective team play to this year’s squad. Standing at 6-foot-2, Pollard led the Mountain Lions at second and fourth place respectively, recording 71 blocks and 159 kills last season.

Santucci brings leadership from last season, being named to the academic All-RMAC honor role and having recorded 25 kills, three service aces, seven digs and seven blocks.

Following Pollard and Santucci are juniors Andrea Brodie, Lauren Orth and Kendall Utz. Hold-

ing majority are the seven sophomores Sonja Johnson, Courtney Carrell, Jenica Shippy, Kelsey Pobar, Alex Nutall, Nicole Pederson and Cindy Bathelt. The new faces and future foundation of the team include freshmen Lindsey Stich, Laura Brodie and Darby Jones. Although the squad consists of a younger team this year, the Mountain Lions come with a lot of firepower and an average height measuring in over 5-foot-10.

The Mountain Lion’s season began Aug. 28 as they hosted the 2009 Marriot Volleyball Invitational at the Lion’s Den against the Hillsdale Chargers. Last minute adjustments by the Chargers led to a 3-2 (2527, 17-25, 25-23, 25-21, 15-13) come-from-behind victory over UCCS. The ladies bounced back in dramatic fashion after losing their season opener in such a close game to Hillsdale. The Mountain Lions went on to win their next four matches,

Kiley Card

improving their record to 4-1. They rolled over No. 25-ranked Wayne State 3-0 (25-17, 25-21, 25-21), Texas Women’s Pioneers 3-0 (25-23, 25-12, 25-15), Colorado State-Pueblo Thunderwolves 3-1 (2513, 23-25, 25-23, 25-17) and Cal Poly Pomona 3-1 (17-25, 25-20, 25-22, 2510).

UCCS finished second place in the 2009 Marriot Volleyball Invitational with a record of 3-1. The Hillsdale Chargers took first, coming away with a perfect finish at 4-0.

The ladies finished 2-2, traveling to Durango to participate in the Fort Lewis Volleyball Tournament and bringing their record to 5-3 for the season.

The lady Mountain Lions look to continue their successful play as conference competition begins this week.

Contact the writer at mcrandal@uccs.edu

paradox the

the news is full of contradictions

satire : irony : hilarity

Disclaimer: A collection of imaginary, usually cynical (adj. 1. Scornful of the motives or virtue of others, bitterly mocking, sneering) and almost – but not quite – baseless observations (n.

1. The act or faculty of paying attention or noticing…2. The act of noting a phenomenon…3. That which is acquired from or based on observing, such as a conclusion or rule.) on society (n. …4.

A colony or community of organisms, usually from the same species), college (n. 1. An institution of higher learning, esp. one providing a general or liberal arts education rather than technical or profes-

sional training...), alcohol (n. whiskey, g or any other intoxicating liquor conta liquid), student government (n. 1. A gro viduals who allot outrageous amounts fees indiscriminately among studen and pretends to have power to do anyt than bitch), textbooks (n. 1. A book us dents as a standard work for a particu of study, 2. A surprising and startling your college fund.), tuition (n. 1. The fee for instruction, as at a private scho lege or university. ), cougars (n. 1. A la

The surprising effects of dog feces on artificial grass

by Catherine Jensen

base photo by Kevin Kassem obvious photoshopping by Rosa Byun

Last week, as students wandered sleepily out of the residence halls and began the dreaded trek to class, they were struck by an unbelievable sight. The AstroTurf, otherwise known as artificial grass, which has been covering the dorm quad since only last year, had inexplicably begun to grow.

“I couldn’t believe my eyes,” said student Bob Brandon. “I didn’t think AstroTurf could grow.”

Neither did the university administration, who hurriedly invited world-renowned scientist and grass expert Brock Brome to examine the AstroTurf. Brome, whose surname, a type of grass, originally spurred him toward a career in botany, has been conducting studies with artificial grass manufacturers for the better part of his life.

“This was very puzzling to me,” said Brock after investigating the turf. “The blades that look like grass in AstroTurf are made of nylon and are therefore unable to convert energy from the sun into sugar and carbohydrates like other plants.”

For those of you who slept through biology, this means that AstroTurf, unlike real

grass, is unable to absorb nutrients and, well, grow. What does Brome believe is the cause behind this phenomenon? His answer: dog feces After delving into the history of events which have occurred on the turf for possible catalysts, Brome was startled to discover that the “Bring Your Pet to Campus Day” event last year had quite the turn-out.

The impact of shoes during intensive games of Ultimate Frisbee for endless hours isn’t the only thing which can damage or change the seemingly indestructible turf, according to Brome. “It appears as though the chemicals in the dog feces altered the structure of the nylon and somehow made it grow,” says Brome. According to a recent study conducted in India, chemical waste has the ability to change the size of the nylon polymer, in this case, leading to expansion and growth.

Though typically treated chemically to resist ultraviolet light, the AstroTurf at UCCS has also begun to brown. The news has come hard to the ultimate Frisbee team, who have had to move daily practices to the artificial but more durable sod

in front of the library. This is causing slight anxiety among faculty, who find the location disruptive and dangerous.

A professor who wishes to remain unnamed for fear a frequent Frisbeer may attend his class told The Scribe, “The other day one of them took a dive and ended up nearly impaling themselves on the retaining wall. It’s lucky they didn’t fall over the wall completely and to their death in the street.”

Frequent ultimate Frisbee player John Dean told The Scribe that he enjoys the new location. “There is more room here and the grass is nicer.” Dean later admitted that he enjoyed rolling down the hill that faculty describe as dangerous. “We’re just having fun, you know, dude?”

Though the university has yet to decide what to do regarding the new over-grown turf, students are advised to find other areas to hang. Anyone who fails to clean up dog crap will be fined and forced to mow the turf until a solution is found.

Contact the writer at cjensen2@uccs.edu

WARNING: FBI agen-- ahem, “Scientists”-- warn Ultimate Frisbee-er’s, dog enthusiasts, nosy reporters and meddling botanists to stay away from the “completely normal” Astroturf as they travel to India for a “routine research trip.”

“Still, if a statement cannot reasonably be interpreted to be one of express or implied fact, it cannot be libelous. This means that humor columns, spoofs,

gin, vodka, aining this oup of indis of student nt groups, thing more sed by stuular branch g portion of e charge or ool or a colarge, tawny

cat, 2. An older woman who seeks out young male lovers.), and so many more interesting but utterly useless tidbits designed to disillusion (v. 1. To free or deprive of illusion; disenchant.) the everyday (SEE ‘common’), common (SEE ‘everyday’), ignorant (adj. …3. Unaware or uninformed.) and uncultured student (n. 1. A person formally engaged in learning, esp. one enrolled in a school or college), as to what this wacky world (n. 1. The earth. 2. The universe. 3. The earth and its inhabitants collectively. 4. The human race.) of ours really is, via satire (n. 1. The use of irony, sarcasm, ridicule, or the

Ricky Dalldorf

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like, in exposing, denouncing, or deriding vice, folly, etc., 2. A literary composition in which human folly and vice are held up to scorn, derision or ridicule.) , and parody (n. 1. Any humorous, satirical, or burlesque imitation, as of a person, event, etc., 2. To imitate for purposes of ridicule or satire.). Many persons of sensitive constitution find such sarcastic, predominantly untrue reporting to be offensive and distasteful. However, all quotes and instances are wholly misattributed and without foundation. No more offense than necessary should be taken, though hate

Student Escort Service *Did I get your attention?

Reasons you know you’re in college

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3

mail is always a good outlet if storming off in an irked huff doesn’t work. If angry state persists we suggest you contact your physician. If you find you are unable to take a bitter, explicit and probably tasteless joke, not reading anything at all ever might be the better choice. The Scribe is not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure on the part of your brain to perform. This page is meant for enjoyable educational purposes. No children or animals were harmed in the making of this segment.

You know what time the RA comes through each night doing rounds while they’re On Call.

photos by Carrie Woodruff

You know the Adult Swim line up by heart, and know to avoid the Anime Night.

Your weekends start on Thursday instead of Friday.

You talk about beer pong as if it were a sport.

You spend more money on alcohol than you do on books in any given semester.

You know why everyone that comes back from “hiking the bluff” has red eyes and is constantly laughing.

You are more than prepared for a zombie virus outbreak… but have no idea what to do about swine flu.

You’ve done the math and know how much you save by walking to the church instead of paying for a parking pass like all the rest of the chumps on campus.

You recognize the sound of a Breathalyzer without even having to see it.

Any time you hear someone talk about the Professional Golf Management major, you laugh out loud…then die a little inside.

2 1

by: Randy Robinson UCCS Campus Police and Public Safety offers an escort service to students and faculty.

No, not that kind. Trust me. I asked repeatedly and they assured me it wasn’t that.

As UCCS parking space grows ever wider into the wild terrain of the bluffs, and with the approaching grand opening of the UCCS shopping mall, students have grown concerned that the parking lots may become cesspools of reprobate activity, even worse than move-in day at the dorms.

Officer Richard Smith with the Campus Police detailed the reasons for the escort service.

“Many students aren’t old enough to purchase a concealed weapons permit, and kung fu takes a long time to learn. Besides, we don’t encourage students to take the law into their own hands, since UCCS doesn’t really have lockers, and those hands tend to be full of books.” So the police offer an escort service instead.

The escort service works like this: A student, stranded in the Four Diamonds parking area because she lost track of time while clam-baking the car, doesn’t have to risk life and limb walking – what is it, like, two or three miles? – to get to the school. Mountain lions are known to wander about, as are crackheads from N. Nevada. Frightened or startled students can simply call up Public Safety, where a Public Safety

officer will take a break from issuing parking tickets to drive up in a truck and escort the student onto the campus.

But there’s a catch. Only one student may take advantage of the service at a time.

“What if there’s a bunch of us who need to use it,” suggested Stephanie Klein, a sophomore at UCCS, “and then there’s the last one left abandoned, cold, alone and vulnerable while the escort service is busy with someone else?”

Deborah Jenkins, a member on the Committee for University Public Safety, responded, “We’ve considered that and it is a concern of ours. We’re thinking of implementing a new program to supplement the escort service, which would entail employing an additional truck or other Public-Safety-operated vehicle, whereupon the student left behind would be watched while the other student is simultaneously escorted onto campus vis a vis the service.”

But what happens if the escort is attacked?

“There’s a very specific procedure,” said Jenkins. “The Public Safety officer is to stop the vehicle, press on the horn, then afterward call the Public Safety office or dispatch and request that a back-up escort vehicle approach the scene. Most attackers, whether human or animal, will hastily exit the scene once a second vehicle is in sight. If the situation proves too dire, the officer can always call for a third vehicle.”

Public Safety can be reached at 555-5555, or just hit the big “Oh Sh**” buttons posted around the parking lots.

Contact the writer at rrobinso@uccs.edu

cartoons and satire are protected as long as readers understand that the material is not intended to be taken seriously.” Student Press Law Center

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