The Self-Care Magazine, Issue 4 - Digital

www.theselfcaremagazine.com

Publisher & Editor-In-Chief

Paméla Michelle Tate

Digital & Graphic Designer Geaux Fig Co.

Copy Editors

CONTRIBUTING AUTHORS

Dr. Sandy Sanders, Renata Flot-Patterson, Gi Gi Shabazz, Paméla Michelle Tate, Tiffiney L. Hall, T'sharin Moncrief, Carlotta Pace, LSW, MSW, Kimberly Roberts, Patricia Anderson, Master Coach Shelonda Hassell Adegbaye, Nicole M. Green, Geneva D. Ashley

ADVERTISING SALES

Rita Green

Paméla Michelle Tate

MAILING ADDRESS

2021 Fillmore Street, Suite #1285 San Francisco, CA 94117 2708

THE SELF CARE MAGAZINE is published by Live The Life You Deserve, L.L.C. View expressed in all articles, features, advertisements, and photography are those of the author/contributor and that is not an endorsement by THE SELF CARE MAGAZINE @2022 or Live The Life You Deserve, L.L.C. of any position that has been expressed. None of the content of this publication may be reproduced in any form without written consent from THE SELF CARE MAGAZINE or its parent company, Live The Life You Deserve L.L.C.

To view digital issues of this magazine, please visit www.theselfcaremagazine.com. To purchase a copy of the magazine, please visit Amazon.com.

Paméla Michelle Tate

Rita Green

Paméla

Tate,

A NOTE FROM THE EDITOR-IN-CHIEF

Paméla Michelle Tate, PhD

October is Breast Cancer and Domestic Violence Awareness Month. As many of you know, I am a Domestic Abuse Advocate, but a lot of you don't know that I am a Breast Cancer Survivor. I am often torn on which one of these two great causes I should focus on in October, but I am grateful to have this platform to share great information about both!

So here is my random story with a great point:

Fourteen years ago on Thanksgiving Eve, I went to a follow up doctor's appointment My doctor told me he suspected that I had breast cancer and told me I had to schedule a surgical biopsy I left that appointment and picked up my daughter from her soccer practice and I was late I had never been late before Her Coach looked at me when I arrived at the park to pick her up and he instantly knew that something was wrong

He opened his arms and I just cried I took my daughter home, and I broke the news to my former husband I was so overwhelmed and too emotionally tired to cook so I fixed a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

That was the BEST peanut butter and jelly sandwich I ever had in my life! It had Apple Jelly with Skippy Creamy Peanut Butter and I was so grateful for it!

The point is, it's Breast Cancer Awareness Month, and Thanksgiving is just around the corner Life can be simple We just need to appreciate every second, minute, hour, day, and year that we are given It is not about the turkey or prime rib It’s about the simple things, it’s about love, life, and family So take my advice schedule your annual mammogram because the life you save could be your own!

* Note I've been cancer free for almost 14 years now and I am extremely grateful!

Paméla Tate is an advocate, author, educator, innovator, speaker, survivor, and trailblazer from the San Francisco Bay Area and the Editor In Chief of The Self Care Magazine She is a partner to a wonderful man, the mother of three, plus one bonus child, and a Puppy Mom ”

Coming Soon...

The Self-Care Journal, a guided exercise so you can self-care.

FACTS ABOUT BREAST CANCER

Breast cancer occurs almost entirely in women 99% of breast cancer cases occur in women This means that while breast cancer in men is very rare, it does occur.

The second leading cause of cancer related death Breast cancer is the second leading cause of cancer death among women. Lung cancer is number one.

5 Year Survivor Rate

With early detection, the five-year survival rate for breast cancer is nearly 100%

The chances of developing breast cancer 12% of women or 1 in 8 develop breast cancer The lifetime breast cancer risk for men is 1 in 1,000.

Symptoms aren’t the same for everyone

Breast cancer warning signs and breast cancer symptoms can vary greatly. However, don’t assume that you are cancer free because you do not have the typical symptoms Some women with breast cancer don’t have symptoms at all. This makes regular breast cancer screenings especially important.

Mammograms save lives

Mammograms are proven to reduce the rate of death from breast cancer The Breast Center recommends annual screening mammograms for women starting at age 40. Contact the Breast Center today to discuss screening options

Ten Ways to Help Your

1. Listen.

Ask questions to show you care, but let your friend or loved one lead the conversation

2. Visit.

Cancer patients and caregivers are still people, and they want to see you, talk to you and laugh with you

3. Give hugs.

They are not broken Hugs help lift our spirits

4. Pray.

Pray with them and pray for them Help your friend or loved one keep them faith

5. Help Them Out.

Find a way to help Don't ask if there's anything you can do just do it!

a. Set up a meal train for friends to deliver meals for their family Find out if there are any foods the patient needs to avoid or has developed an aversion to during cancer treatment or if their family members have any food allergies

b. Help with the laundry or cleaning , if you don’t have time pay for a maid service to come and do a deep cleaning of their home.

c. Babysit their children Take them out to a movie or the park so that their parents

can have a break

d. Take care of their pets Give their cat or dog a bath or take them to a groomer

6. Call them.

Just pick up the phone and tell your friend or loved one that you are thinking of them

7. Make them laugh!

Tell them a joke or two to remind them that they are alive

8. Make them a to-go bag.

Prepare a to go bag for them to take to treatment Treatment rooms are cold and treatment can take a long time Prepare a bag with a blanket, a hat, crossword puzzle books, a deck of cards to play solitaire, a journal for them to write out their feelings, add their favorite snacks.

9. Rides.

Give them a ride to their appointments If you can't give them a ride, give them a gas gift card or host Uber or Lyft rides to and from their appointments

10.Celebrate.

Plan a “I Kicked Cancer’s Ass” party to celebrate the end of their treatment

Celebrate the battle that they have won

GENEVA D. ASHLEY, VISIONARY

Born Geneva D Holmes she has overcome much! Divorce, multi faceted domestic violence, brokenness, and homelessness to name a few Today she is Geneva D Ashley, the Wife to her loving Husband, whom she affectionately calls “Mr. Ashley”, a Mother and “Gammy”, all whom which she refers to as her FIRST ministry at all times.

Geneva loves to serve others and is an active Domestic Violence Advocate, Philanthropist, Master Coach, Convo Space Host, Author and Pastor With Louisiana roots, Geneva was raised in the Greater Bay Area region of Northern California Often accompanying her “Granny” to the

Kingdom Hall, Geneva learned early in life that there had to be more to life

By the age 19, she was introduced to the Church of God in Christ, where she fell deeply in love with Jesus Christ experiencing spiritual awakening like she’d never seen or felt before.

In 2016 Geneva founded a support organization for Women exclusively called, Her SHE Circle, offering a plethora of support services.

To book Geneva D Ashley, please email: coachgenevadashley@gmail com or call (701) 595 5433

This book derives from my own personal domestic violence experience and the fact that I was overlooked and not supported by church leadership or family. And the fact that my abuser's behavior was embraced in ministry and our inner circles, while my character was assassinated. Many listened and formed opinions but never offered support. I vowed that I would set platforms to pull others forward from the darkness of DV without judgment or drama, this book is a continuation of my ministry, mandate and mission.

Favorite Empowerment Quote or Scripture

Scripture: Psalms 8:4, what is mankind that you are mindful of them, human beings that you care for them? (NIV)

Quote: If I may leave you with one more thought as you remember to care for yourself after the travesty of domestic violence, also remember this quote: “We are not rehab centers nor halfway houses to reform those that choose to remain clueless and remain in denial of who they are or what they need to change the error of their ways!” ~Geneva D. Ashley~

Favorite Self Care Activity

"I Choose Me" is the chapter title

This is written with the person in mind that has settled for anything less than they deserved. The one who made the choice to seize "better" but still struggle with self worth and self love. So with these readers in mind, I intentionally shared a brief synopsis of real struggles that they may connect with the fact that there is life after domestic violence, and it is worth living with purpose on purpose!

Tell us what message or lesson do you hope that people will receive after reading your chapter or book.

After reading the book, I hope the readers may come to understand and become enlightened about the necessity to care of self following trauma and gain insight that it is imperative to choose healthy relationships while forgiving themselves for settling for anything less be it past or present.

coachgenevadashley@gmail com

SHE is Geneva D Ashley

My favorite Self Care Activity is to operate in awareness of the types of environments I allow myself to entertain or dwell Therefore, I am cognizant of protecting my peace and surrounding myself with people of like minds This includes a regular prayer life and intentionally carving out quality time for myself alone and with family. And setting boundaries that are conducive to the type of peace I desire and require.

What inspired your vision to create this book?

Tell us the Title of your Chapter and a little bit about what you wrote.

Well, many people don't know that domestic violence is something that should be normalized So without further ado, I'm just going to say we're going to normalize this conversation today to let people know that domestic domestic violence abuse is real and know that this is something very serious that we should take serious. And so just to kind of give you an idea about domestic violence abuse, I'm going to go ahead and give you the definition of what domestic violence abuse is. And domestic violence abuse is also referred to as intimate partner violence, intimate dating violence in a relationship It's a pattern of behaviors by one partner to maintain power and control over another partner in an intimate relationship

does not discriminate.

It doesn't discriminate at all whether it's people of any race, any age, any gender, sexuality, religion, education level, or economic status Any person could be a victim or perpetrator involved in domestic violence And just to kind of break it down a little more, because some people may not know there are different types of domestic violence abuse There are such as physical abuse, emotional abuse, sexual abuse, financial abuse, spiritual abuse, and also digital abuse

I know some people like digital abuse What do you mean? You can abuse somebody on the Internet just as well as you can in person And so now I want to give you just to kind of give you an idea of a statistic of how serious this is. 10 million people a year are physically abused by an intimate partner.

20,000 calls are made every day to the domestic Violence hotlines. Furthermore, 20% of women have been raped. And do you know that as of today, there has been 545 gun related domestic violence fatalities this year? Now, think about that That's about an average of 49 lives killed per month thus far

So let that sink in Sometimes we as women have a strong woman syndrome, but we're dying inside But we're dying inside Because again, it goes back to you saying that when we're dealing with something, nobody's not going to believe us, they won't hear us, they won't see us, so we shut down, right? So everybody sees us as a strong person, but really we're hurting

And then when we do speak, it's like, oh, there goes that angry black woman. And instead of saying, there goes that angry black woman, people should start saying, how can I help this black woman? How can I help this woman of color to get through what she's going through so she won't be seen as that person? And I think, again, normalizing this conversation, having these conversations to where it's okay for us to express how we feel, and knowing that someone is going to be able to stand by us, to help us along our journey to deal with the things that we were dealing with, there wouldn't be so many deaths. There won't be so many women taking their lives or there won't be so many women being abused by their partners or vice versa.

The next part of my journey is trying to make sure that we get programs in place where churches embrace this type of stuff and educate and can be aware of what's going on, being able to recognize the science, knowing how to refer someone to the professional. Because I understand you can pray about this all day, every day. And we know that faith without works is dead. And some of that works mean it requires professional experts, not necessarily the pastor or the minister, the minister, the pastor, or the lead servant in the church who could be abusing their spouse or abusing someone else in the church. We might not know that.

So there need to be proper protocols in place, and programs in place where this can happen. And I agree with you, it should be within the church. The church should be one of the leading examples. I mean, if we are honoring God and we expect people to honor God and walk with price, then why not be like that and be that example?

ALike you said, there are a whole lot of scriptures there in the Bible that talk about self-worth and self-esteem and all these different things, but it's a lot of other things in the Bible that speak about how to take care of people. Jesus Christ did it. He walked and he walked. I mean, he did all these things This is what we as people of God need to start doing, and not just speaking about it, but being about it.

I want to also highlight the fact that if you are someone who is going through domestic violence abuse right now, what I want you to understand is there is a place that you can get to. And to do that, there is a hotline number. There's a national domestic violence hotline number that you can reach out to, and that number is 180-799-7233. Again, that number is 1807 99723, three. And on top of that, if you can't make the phone call, you can always go to their website if you have access to the internet and go to www.dot.org, that is www dot the ehotline.org and you can have a private chat with them also as well.

But not least you have me dry Alana Jerry. You can follow me on all social media platforms under Yjmpowers. That's Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. And you can also reach out to me at my website, which is www.imyolandajerry.com. And I would like to say I am also the host of my show to Doctor Yolandajerry show.

So if you're someone who has gone through trauma and drama and you are now a survivor that's thriving and your trauma and drama pushed you into your purpose, please go to my website and book their spot on my Doctor Yolanda show.

Advocacy is centered at the heart of every Philanthropist. Echoing that notion at its finest; is the diversified professional, Dr. Yolanda Jerry.

Dr. Yolanda Jerry is an International Best-Selling Author, speaker, business guru, and CEO and Founder of YJ Empowerment Solutions LLC, a multidisciplinary advocacy program, invented to help clients push beyond their past traumas and elevate to the next level, personally, professionally, and spiritually. Affectionately known as the “Empowerment Advocate,” Dr. Jerry is reputed for her innate ability to exhort multi-generational audiences through her powerful and relatable messages, as she passionately advocates for truth, healing, resiliency, and personal growth. Yolanda delivers an awe-inspiring proponent perspective against domestic violence, youth bullying, and sexual assault. Through the vernacular of a survivor, she impacts many, inspiring them to create the best version of themselves; despite tragedy, and to become intentional in the pursuit of their life’s purpose and goals.

Yolanda’s mantra is simple: Accept the past. Focus on the now. Impact the future. Adding to her philanthropic capacity, Dr. Yolanda Jerry is also a retired Air Force veteran and Director of Women’s Ministry at Epic Fellowship Church in Rocky Mount, NC. As a highly respected member of both local and national communities, Yolanda has been featured and headlined in well-respected publications, such as the Huffington Post, Sheen Magazine, Glambitious Magazine, Courageous Woman Magazine, MizCEO Entrepreneurial Magazine, Gulf Coast Woman Magazine, Success Women’s Magazine, VIP Global Magazine and many more; all highlighting the remarkable impression Yolanda has left on an ever-changing world.

One of Yolanda’s most notable features was her article called “The Day I Decided to Leave.” A compelling survivor’s testament so impressive, it was chosen by highly respected, serial producer and screenwriter, Shonda Rhimes, to be displayed in her online storytelling periodical column, “Shondaland,” in 2020.

Dr. Jerry is also recognized as both a highly decorated professional and nonprofit organizer, receiving numerous awards and recognition for her contributions to charity, business, military service, and community. She is the proud recipient of the Humanitarian Service Award: Trinity International University of Ambassadors, the Rising Star Award: Mississippi Gulf Coast Black Owned Businesses, “You Are Beautiful” Survivor Award & State of Connecticut Official Citation, One Coast Community Leader Award Finalist: Mississippi Gulf Coast Chamber of Commerce, Top 50 Black Women in Business in Mississippi: Black Women’s Business Expo, Volunteer of the Year and Top Influencer Award: Success Women’s Conference, Kish Magazine Women of Dignity Top 31 History Makers, Lifetime Achievement Award from President Joe Biden and VicePresident Kamala Harris and many more. Yolanda currently holds a chair or seat on over 14 well-respected community organizations, attesting candidly to the force she is in the areas of business and servant leadership.

When Dr. Yolanda Jerry is not out advocating for those in need, she is a loving partner, mother, and friend.

Dr. Yolanda Jerry. Leader. Energizer. Advocate.

Connect with Dr. Yolanda Jerry Website: www.iamyolandajerry.com E-mail: yolanda@yjempowers.com

After a 2 5 hour standoff, waiting, praying, crying, and in fear of the news that would come next, we were informed that our beautiful daughter, Keli, and her baby boy had been shot We were also informed that Byrain had committed suicide, Then the next blow came and hit us like a ton of bricks, Keli was deceased and Baby Brixx was being rushed to the hospital and his condition was critical Unfortunately, after another 2 hour wait at the hospital, we learned that Baby Brixx had succumbed to his injuries

At that very moment, my life and my world changed forever and I knew immediately that neither I nor my life would be changed forever

Now one year and four months since the passing of both

A Mother's Journey of Awareness

"I am Renata Flot Patterson, a victim & survivor of domestic violence I am the mother of 4 adult children Two boys and two girls I have been blessed with a host of grandchildren and I was born and raised in a very large family. We are natives of New Orleans and we show up to most family events in droves. We are a very close knit family and we gather often. There are five living generations in my immediate family and I consider this to be a blessing. On the early morning of June 6th, what seemed to be a family reunion, happened at our Biloxi home Unfortunately, it was a family reunion that was unexpected and unplanned As my family gathered in pain, shock, and disbelief as the news begin spreading that my youngest daughter, 34 year old, Keli Gabrielle Mornay, and her 7 month old infant son, Brixx Nola had been murdered by Brixx Nola's father, Byrain Johnson, who was a native of the MS Gulf Coast Byrain broke into Keli's Biloxi home where she lived as a single mother with her two older sons, Alliyano "Alli" (14) and Diovanni "Dio" (10) at that time, and her just barely new bundle of joy, Brixx Nola The break in happened around 3:40 am on the early morning of June 6th, 2021 and by 5:45 am, we were informed by the Biloxi Police Department that Byrain had shot Keli & Brixx then turned the gun on himself and committed suicide Keli's two eldest sons managed to escape, but before doing so, unfortunately, the youngest Dio, witnessed his mother's murder.

were silenced in a severely toxic and frightening relationship and if we had only known half of her trials, I know that things would have certainly ended so differently Keli and Brixx's lives had a very sad and painful ending that shocked and shook the Gulf Coast community, but I knew from that very moment, like I've never known anything so well in my life, that I had to move into action and do something to bring change So for this, the "Keeping Keli Foundation" was immediately formed. "Keeping Keli Foundation" is a non profit organization that supports victims, survivors, and their families who have suffered from acts of domestic violence.

The sole mission of the "Keeping Keli Foundation" is to produce, organize and manage fundraising events that will offer financial support to victims within the community who are striving to leave a domestic violence environment The "Keeping Keli Foundation" is the founder of the "Joyful Noise Music & Mural Festival" which will be an annual festival that will bring domestic violence awareness and available resources to communities where the festival is being held The first annual festival will take place on October 1, 2022, in Biloxi, MS It is our goal to take this domestic violence awareness festival globally because domestic violence is everywhere

The festival is designed to be an upbeat community event that will bring lots of fun music, a live mural painting, and many family resources that relate to domestic

violence, mental health, family counseling and so much more The festival is meant to bring a Joyful Noise to families within the community to encourage joy, peace, and harmony in all relationships Since Keli and Brixx's passing, I have also had the opportunity to participate in quite a few radio segments, magazines, books, and televised interviews and presentations to speak on the matters of domestic violence and to educate youth and adults on how to notice the many different signs of domestic violence and knowing how to navigate an escape long before tragedy can even have a chance to strike. I know without a doubt that being an advocate for domestic violence will be my mission for the rest of my natural life. I am passionate about being my daughter, Keli's voice in hopes to save lives and to bring change."

Keli Mornay

BrixxNola

T H E U L T I M A T E L I S T O F

AUTUMN SELF-CARE

B Y G . G . S H A B A Z Z

As the leaves turn their beautiful shades and the weather starts to cool, a sense of relaxation and slowing down from the busy summer seems to be at hand. What better season to focus on SELF. Here are some self care ideas for Fall

#1 ENJOY AUTUMN

Plan creative, fun loving Autumn activities Consider what you liked as a kid Here are some ideas

Pumpkin picking, Apple picking, Hayrides, Fall foliage viewing, Walk, Watch soccer, Watch scary (or not so scary) Halloween movies, Put up Fall or Thanksgiving decorations, have a chili contest, attend Oktoberfest

#2 DRINK SOMETHING WARM

Tea, coffee, cider, or cocoa can be very soothing On a cold morning, I love holding a warm cup

Take your time and savor this self care practice; don't gulp it in the car With five extra minutes, you can sit quietly, breathe deeply, and drink What a great way to start the day, unwind in the afternoon, or relax at night

#3 SUPPORT A WORTHY CAUSE

October and November honor many good causes (domestic violence, breast cancer,

pregnancy and infant loss, get out the vote to name just a few). Investing time, energy, and money in a passion project can boost your mood and make you feel empowered and hopeful.

#4 SET LIMITS

Boundaries don't involve controlling or changing others Setting and enforcing boundaries is a form of self care They help you prioritize and avoid overcommitting or signing up for things you can't do

Autumn marks the start of the busy holiday season We must balance obligations, invitations, expectations, and traditions It's healthy to protect your mental health by saying " no " to draining people and events

#5 REQUEST ASSISTANCE

Without self care, you'll be exhausted, burned out, and resentful Asking for help can help you avoid negative feelings, but many of you avoid it It can feel vulnerable if you have unrealistic expectations or have been rejected before.

We don't want to burden others. This is a fear based assumption, not reality Most people help when they can They likely enjoy helping you

Your sister might bring a dish to Thanksgiving, and your neighbor might water your plants when

you're away When you ask for help, your loved ones feel valued and respected

It's okay if people can't or won't help Accept and respect their boundaries But asking for help isn't wrong It's a reasonable way to care for yourself

#6 ENJOY THE WARM WEATHER

Depending on where you live, it may be chilly As winter approaches, the Northern Hemisphere gets less and less sunshine, so make the most of the remaining warm, sunny days by spending time outside

#7 DECLUTTER

Fall and winter mean spending more time indoors, so it's important to have a relaxing environment

Americans are stuffed I don't mean extreme hoarding, but piles of mail, unpacked boxes from your last move, or your 1995 CD collection This can affect your mood

Clutter can cause anxiety and depression Autumn is a good time to declutter and make your home a calm refuge.

Start by separating items into trash, donate, and sell boxes or bags. Daily, put ten items in one of the three bags If you want to go beyond de cluttering, consider diffusing essential oils, playing soothing music, or brightening the décor

#8 CREATE A FALL ROUTINE

Most people's self care routines include exercise Even if you dread starting, most people feel better after stretching and exercising

Plan some indoor activities if you ' ve been exercising outside Sign up for a class, ask a friend to walk with you, or find some at home videos

Adjust your routine so you won't be caught without indoor exercise plans.

#9 RECORD YOUR GRATITUDE

Gratitude journals are a quick and effective way to shift our focus from our problems and worries to the good in our lives

We focus on the negative It's hard to notice your strengths, blessings, simple pleasures, and what's working Gratitude journals improve physical and mental health, sleep, empathy, self esteem, and relationships

Purchase a good journal and pen (something special that will encourage you to write) and set aside 5 10 minutes in the morning or before bed to list three things you're grateful for. 30 gratitude journal prompts if you're stuck

#10 BAKE

Baking is creative It promotes mindfulness and reduces stress And they're delicious! Baking brings back fond memories and allows you to express your love for others.

VirtualWritingWorkshop

Paméla Michelle Tate, PhD

Happy Being Me!

For many years I struggled with being me and that is because I did not know who I was What I mean is that I was trying to be what my family wanted me to be, what my community wanted me to be, however I really was not happy in my own skin

There is a scripture that says “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus ” Phil 1:6 I came across that scripture during one of the worst seasons of my life I was in the midst of a domestic violence relationship as well as struggling with being a single parent But God’s word became the cushion and support that I needed to propel me to find safety and get the help I so desperately need to raise young children

As I began to navigate through life after getting out from my abused relationship, getting my children to a place of independence I fast forward to them now adults and I have since married to a wonderful god fearing man who loves me I still struggled with my own happiness So with much prayer and finding self care tools I have now come to that place of happiness

What does it mean to say “happy being me ” for me is self satisfaction of being ok with my authentic self, of course I strive to improve my skills sets to be empowered and empower others. I don’t feel the need to compete but I live and move from a space of watching others shine and being supportive

Here are some self care tips that I have come to draw from during those times that are dedicated just for me so that I can remain in that space of happiness with my soul Now for the record, I sometimes face uncertainty and challenges of life, absolutely however, I still can draw back to that space that brings me to soul satisfaction that God is going to work it all out. That is my tip, draw from the well of peace in your soul Find a quiet space in your home , in your community such as a park bench , the beach or the church sanctuary Wherever that space is at let it be the your go to space and draw from the well in your soul of peace and tranquility and it to will bring you to a declaration for yourself to say “I Am Happy Being Me”!!

Dr Sandy Sanders, Award Winning Social Media and Podcast Host of Coffee Conversations with Sandy and Friends and Book Talks with Sandy, is heard weekly on her YouTube Channel, Spotify, CTR Media Network, IHeart

by Dr. Sandy Sanders

Radio, and Amazon Dr Sandy Sander is a 6x Amazon Best Selling Author, Global Speaker, and sought out event Moderator Owning her personal story of overcoming a traumatic childhood, low self esteem, alcoholism, and domestic violence, has given Sandy a great sense of relation with communal advocacy Through her advocacy, she is a trusted help in her local community. Sandy holds an annual Love Doesn’t Hurt Annual Domestic Violence Walk. In hopes to heal, prevent, and bring awareness to the painful epidemic of domestic violence and host Pray Vigils against Gun Violence among and in the Black Community that earn her the nomination and award of an Honorary Doctorate from Eldon Solutions School of Ministry in Apple Valley California

Sandy serves as an active board member of a non profit organization providing female inmates recently released Sandy is a Licensed Evangelist and serves in various capacities in her local church.

NICOLE M. GREEN

My name is Nicole Green, and I am a domestic violence survivor, victor. I am a mother of 2 beautiful children and a wife. I am a victor of DV, A business owner of a travel company named Essential Peace Travel, and a published author In my current field of work, I work with nonprofits to assist recently incarcerated individuals in reintegration into society and advocate for change in funding and services I work with individuals who suffer from mental health and addiction and become connected to services to help prevent them from reoffending. Through my experience with domestic violence and incarceration, my goal and vision are to help people through their experiences and share my journey with others.

Nicole Green

What inspired you to write this particular story?

My inspiration comes from the thought of being able to help another person's experienced or going through domestic violence Experiencing domestic violence has taught me that I can survive the most difficult times. The road to recovery and healing after overcoming domestic violence has taught me to find, embrace, and love who I am Becoming a victor and no longer a victim gave me strength, endurance, and strife to help myself and other women who have overcome the abuse, to continue moving forward after the abuse, and learn how to stay in the positive headspace through the healing process

There is joy in healing! The healing process allowed me to understand how the abuse can impact you mentally, physically, and emotionally. Understanding the impacts allows for the healing process to start I learned to move forward, teaching myself to stay positive by focusing on my healing and creating daily tasks to keep me motivated and push forward.

What is your favorite self-care activity?

Here are a few self care tips that helped me through the healing process.

Managing mental and emotional health through therapy: Domestic violence impacts your mental and emotional well being. Therapy allows you to address feelings of distress and memories from the trauma

Speaking Positive Affirmation: Removing thoughts of negativity and self blame Speak encouraging words over myself

Self mindfulness: Take time to breathe and relax Spend time with yourself to reflect and have peace

Activities: Find an activity that can keep you busy and creative. Examples of ways to be creative are exercise, painting, dance classes, and volunteering to help others.

What inspired you to write your chapter in this book?

“Love yourself so much that when someone treats you wrong, you recognize it.” Rena Rose

Tell us the title of your chapter or book and a little about what you wrote?

Title: Daddy’s Girl, Momma’s Pain!

My Chapter in the book reveals the impact of domestic violence from a child experiencing and seeing Domestic Violence. I hope to show through my story how being taught to bottle up the trama and masking the hurt impacts the stages of your life into adulthood.

In reading my Chapter, you will take a journey through my life and understand how domestic violence affected my decisions in who I was and whom I have become today Focusing on the victorious side and overcoming the trauma! I have a voice no longer silent!

Tell us what message or lesson do you hope that people will receive after reading your chapter or book?

The message I would like for readers to gain from my chapter is that domestic violence can impact children mentally and emotionally Not addressing the trauma can impact whom they become and how they navigate life Helping others with similar experiences understand they are not what they were born into Change starts with healing; understanding the impact allows the healing process to start I learned to move forward, teaching myself to stay positive by focusing on my healing and creating daily tasks to keep me motivated and push forward.

Shelonda Hassell Adegbaye is founder of The SHA EXPERIENCE Non For Profit Organization She is a native of Chicago, Illinois, born & raised on the city's west side She is married to Pastor Jimson J Adegbaye, and has one daughter, Dasmine She is a two time Domestic Violence Survivor She is a Serial Entrepreneur, Owner of Little Blessed One's Academy, Owner of Blessed Kiddie Transportation, Co Owner of Da’Nae Decor Events Venue & Crown Investments LLC She is an Author, A Certified public/motivational speaker, Certified Grief & Master Life Coach. She is devoted to inspiring, motivating, & pushing all women & girls of color to Dream Again! Her purpose is to work with broken women, supporting them with setting goals, completing tasks, steps to believing again, & winning. Under the umbrella of the SHA Experience is The Who Is She Ministry, Like her for Brown girls Teen mentoring program & Chicago’s Black Mom’s Rock Organization Her Life’s Motto Is: It’s a mandate from Christ to help & give to others She strive's daily to push to make women better and make a difference in her community

thesha experience@yahoo com

www theshaexperience com

@coachshelonda.thedreampusher

@mastercoachshelondathedreampusher

What inspired you to write this particular story?

What inspired me to write this particular story was I wanted to reach women & men who are dealing with domestic violence or even are free from it but are battling the past. Me telling my story may inspire or even motivate them to walk away, find themselves, or even get help that's needed to move forward to a healthy life, free of anything that is blocking your freedom and peace.

What is your favorite self-care activity?

My mental health self care was my favorite. I began writing daily affirmations, scriptures & goals to start myself off on a positive note I wrote notes such as “ You are enough” and”God will handle everything” I placed them on my bathroom mirror and around my work desk, so I was able to look at them daily These daily affirmations helped me build my confidence back up & gave me the push I needed to get push forward As a result to this I was published my first book on Amazon "Who Is She 31 day journal"

What inspired you to write your chapter in this book?

I'm learning daily to allow the space between where I am and where I want to be to inspire me daily and not scare me. Always Be A Dream Digger!

Tell us the title of your chapter or book and a little about what you wrote?

The Devil's Disguise Worked for My Good Title My story is basically about how I was in two different domestic violence relationship. One mental & the other one was physical & mental. How the devil will be dressed and booted to please and get you and then turn on you for no good But God Covered me as I was able to find Shelonda and not run away but to realize who I was and what God had in store for my life Realizing that was what allowed me to be restored and become free

Tell us what message or lesson do you hope that people will receive after reading your chapter or book?

That life after domestic violence seemed like an impossible destination to achieve after being in two abusive relationships for years, but I was able to escape both relationships & began to find myself again I had to rediscover who Shelonda was and what Shelonda wanted to be mentally, physically, and emotionally

For some people dealing with domestic violence, a way out can seem so far and almost impossible. When you are out, finding your footing in a new world can be hard. I was the same way, but with my self care journey, I am the person I was destined to be.

Kimberly Roberts is a New Orleans, LA native and proud US Army Veteran, with a Business Management Degree and 25 year federal government career in Budget & Finance She is the President and CEO of Kharismatic Travel Services, LLC, which provides professional travel services for both, leisure and business needs These services consist of air transportation, hotel accommodations, vacation rental homes, rental car, cruises, tours, dream/vacation packages, concerts and sporting events; and Kharismatically Kim Professional Services, LLC where she prides herself on educating and providing budgetary/financial knowledge to individuals, small businesses, and organization to help maximize their worth/value These services consist of Budget Consultation, Budget Development, Budget Monitoring of Execution, and Trending Analysis Also, a Commissioned and Bonded Notary Public, offering General Notary Public, eNotary/Remote Notary, Mobile Notary and Loan Signing in the State of Texas Both are Verified Veteran Owned Businesses

She is the mother of three young adults, loves to travel, experience other cultures, meeting new people, great food, reading and listening to music

AUTHOR'SCorner

KIMBERLY ROBERTS

What inspired you to write this particular story?

I want to first and foremost let anyone who has experienced domestic violence know that they're not alone, and that there is joy and so much to life once healed.

The experience itself leaves a negative lasting impression, and sometimes leave the individual feeling not so worthy. So I want and need them to know the importance of regaining that self love and implementing a self care routine to help enhance their lives, to help them feel healthier and better about themselves Once I added a daily, weekly, and monthly self care routine, it was a game changer.

What is your favorite self-care activity?

My favorite? Oh my, I don't have just one My favorite self care activities would be my daily prayer It gives me that much needed spiritual time with God because I love building and keeping that connection The weekly massages, facials, manicures and pedicures They all put me in a relax state of mind. And my monthly trips. I love to see new places, experience different cultures and meet new people.

Tell us the title of your chapter or book and a little about what you wrote?

The title of the book is "Shattered to Shine", and my chapter's title is "Choosing the INNER ME over the ENEMY"

My chapter will speak on my experience Good girl, meets and dates bad boy against parent's wishes How it goes from this cute little puppy love story (these was my teenage years) and slowly progress through multiple phases of abuse throughout a seven year relationship. My abuser was a street guy so I heard and see a lot of stuff, not knowing that one day he would be just as violent with me.

What inspired you to write your chapter in this book?

You may not always have a comfortable life and you will not always be able to solve all of the world's problems at once but don't ever underestimate the importance you can have because history has shown us that courage can be contagious and hope can take on a life of its own ~Michelle Obama~

Tell us what message or lesson do you hope that people will receive after reading your chapter or book?

I would like the reader to receive from my chapter that my heart sincerely goes out to all who is in or have been in this situation or have lost a loved one

Know that there is life after abuse It doesn’t matter if it’s mental, emotional, verbal, or physical abuse is abuse and no one desires to go through that Never allow that traumatic life experience to define you and your future You are more than a conqueror. And your destiny is determined by you. Get out… get help… and surround yourself with a great support system.

AUTHOR'S

Carlotta is known for her passion to be more like Christ, her loving heart, and for building others attached in all she does Carlotta holds degrees in Community Service, Social Work, and is a Licensed Therapist in the State of Ohio

Carlotta enjoys working with at risk youth and single parents on both preventative and intervention levels Carlotta is also a Certified Life Coach, 5x bestselling author, and consultant for small businesses needing to focus on leadership, unity, and employees transitioning into leadership Carlotta began her own company, IWas Here, LLC In discovering herself she found that self love and awareness must be intentional Carlotta believes we are all born different, we get in this world and try to all fit in when we were created to STAND OUT! In trying to determine your choices Carlotta sometimes we don’t know what or why but if we choose what God leads us to it will all work out In unsure moments choose the next right thing, and let God do the rest Lastly, in life we often go through things that make us question who we are; make us feel shattered, lost, and broken self love and care are core cures

calllcarlottatospeak@gmail com

N/A LaTia Ann

Carlottaspeaks

CARLOTTA PACE, LSW, MSW

What inspired you to write this particular story?

I am an adult on a mission to continually grow and heal. When I leave this place called earth want to be empty. Although I haven't always seen life the way I see it now, I know that everything I have been through was not just for me Being able to show others how Go show up for me helps others see that they can also get through their storm. My mother is my true inspiration for this anthology as she wanted me to come out of my shell so many years ago but I was afraid of hurting others Even on her deathbed, my mother pushed me to write and especially talk about the impact on families when it comes to mental health, domestic violence, and addictions. my one regret is not doing it sooner so that my mother could be here to witness it

What is your favorite self care activity?

Three of my favorite self care activities are first the quiet times. just taking the first few moments of every day with nothing on and not on my phone or laptop and sitting at peace with me. second, is my study and music time that I use to focus on either Bible scripture, positive affirmations, and/or learning something new. The third is dancing.

What inspired you to write your chapter in this book?

My favorite quote that I say to others is " We were all born different, the world makes us feel that we need to do things like us or be the same but we were born to stand out! " Over the last three years I have lived off of " Show up for yourself as yourself, everyone else is taken."

Tell us the title of your chapter or book and a little about what you wrote?

The title of my chapter is Mommy its Me It is my way of hoping to help someone understand some of the thoughts that children have when they witness trauma such as domestic violence Very often children are told to keep silent and not talk about household pain but it's the same pain being passed on to other generations, my chapter hopes to give other children a voice and hopes that it helps someone see that they are loved, more than enough and that they matter.

Tell us what message or lesson do you hope that people will receive after reading your chapter or book?

It's my hope that if a person is struggling with domestic violence first that they understand their children are being impacted by what's happening. All children respond differently but even if they don't say it to you; they are hurting from it. Next, my hope is that if another person is an adult now but witnessed trauma but they have not been given an opportunity to share and heal; I want them to know they are not alone and they can recover It takes work but it is so worth it!

Take time to meet the woman who “Broke her Silence” to regain her self respect and become empowered. After experiencing over 10 years of physical and verbal abuse, Ms T’Sharin Moncrief left her abuser, became a survivor, and set out on a path to ensure no other woman or young girl would have to experience the life and the effects she once endured. As a Speaker, and Entrepreneur she specializes in helping women and young girls overcome life’s obstacles brought on by abuse. She helps them discover their worth, understand they can overcome tragedies, and turn their triumphs into victories so that they can achieve goals, and become empowered to rebuild after a life of abuse She persevered, succeeded, and founded her own non profit Women of Refined Gold, Inc. (W.O.R.G) in 2013. T’sharin has a Bachelor’s of Science in Business Management from Huntingdon College and she is currently completing her Master’s in Substance Abuse Counseling from Troy University Montgomery She is the mother of 3 daughters Chaymeriyia, Shamecia and Kayla She is making great strides in efforts to combat domestic violence within Montgomery and the surrounding areas by providing forums, education, and networking sessions to the community, churches, and public school system.

What inspired you to write this particular story?

I am a survivor of domestic violence After, I left the relationship I realized that getting out of the situation was not the only thing that needed to take place. I realized I had to learn who I was. When I asked myself the question I always seem to get stuck. I realized my life had gotten so caught up in the systems of the trauma I had forgotten how to live Once I realized a few things that were instrumental for me to rebuild, I felt the need to share with others is key to helping them recover.

What is your favorite self-care activity?

My favorite self care activity was to be okay with doing nothing at times During the hard times, you always felt on edge, you become busy so you don't have to deal with yourself So coming home doing nothing, and not answering anyone became self care for me

What inspired you to write your chapter in this book?

But he knoweth the way that I take: When he hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold

Tell us the title of your chapter or book and a little about what you wrote?

What self care looks like when healing from Abuse

Tell us what message or lesson do you hope that people will receive after reading your chapter or book?

The importance of slowing down and relearning yourself and how to live life again free of abuse.

Patricia is an Ordained Minister, Christian Chaplain, Christian Counselor, Author, Certified Life Coach, Motivational Speaker, Project Manager, and Certified Event Manager She holds a Master’s in Business Administration and continues to be a lifelong learner through the teachings of others and word of God. She is the proud founder and CEO of Lady P & Associates LLC an Event Management & Community Resource Organization. In 2018 Lady P & Associates LLC hosted its first “Always Be A Lady Conference” that educates, empowers, encourages, motivates, uplifts and reminds women of the greatness they possess inside of themselves She is currently serving on the board of directors for several non profit organization Lady P is an enthusiastic, passionate, energetic person and assistance others fulfill their dreams, visions and goals She is a proud wife of Deacon Lee Anderson, proud to be the mother of Shaunita, Precious, Trey & Princess and grandmother of Amiyah, Storri, Elyce, Clarence, Karlynn, Elora and baby Jupiter She is a native Washingtonian and currently resides in Houston Texas.

contact@ladypandassociates com

www.ladypandassociates.com patricia anderson 58152559

ladyp thefreedomcoach/

What inspired you to write this particular story?

This particular story touched me in many ways because you hear so many individuals saying it happen to me as well. I was never one that would admit it happen to me as well. I didn't want to be viewed as a domestic violence survivor Writing for me has always been a way to release the pain of rejection and abuse I no longer wanted to hear the stories of others and remain silent about my truth. I wanted to be a part of the solution for others. I desire that everyone realizes they too have a voice and that the abuse is not their fault In the United States, alone many of our youth suffer from mental illness and the real root cause is sometimes abuse. When you try to block things out of your memory or cover them up like they never happen, no healing will occur No more covering up and no blocking for me This is my story and I have a purpose to fulfill My healing has occurred.

What is your favorite self-care activity?

I am still learning to put myself first. I realize that if I don't take time out for myself that I will not be able to empower, inspire, encourage and help others I learn to say no when necessary Speak life Listen to motivational speakers Implement daily affirmations and scriptures Just Breathe Have a spa day Surround yourself with positive people Stop watching the news every day Turn off social media for a couple of hours Go out with family and friends There is no such thing as a bad day only a bad moment but don't stay in that moment

What inspired you to write your chapter in this book?

Quote by Lady P “Your Past Failures Do Not Cancel Your Future Success”

This is my favorite quote because I realize nothing in my past can change. I can't change a moment, hour, day, month or year ago. I can however learn from my past and move forward to a successful future filled with big dreams, goals, purpose and assignments

Tell us the title of your chapter or book and a little about what you wrote?

Chapter Title: Loving The Abuser

Learning to forgive yourself and the abuser I want the readers to understand that there's life after being abuse You may have been shattered during the abuse but now it's time to shine bright like a star in the sky My abuse occurred at different ages of my life Life wasn't easy but now I live with the love, joy and peace of God! I now know everything I went through was necessary and now I help others become overcomers I talk about the steps to overcoming sexual, mental and physical abuse.

Tell us what message or lesson do you hope that people will receive after reading your chapter or book?

My desire is that everyone who reads this chapter realizes that there pain has purpose Individuals will continue to dream big and know that anything is possible if you only believe in yourself and God The abuse is not the end of your life journey but the beginning of something greater. Do not let your past hold you hostage. You deserve to be blessed never get stuck in your past. It's okay to give yourself permission to be blessed and be a blessing.

TIFFINEY L. HALL

Tiffiney is an author, international speaker, and coach. Her niche is empowering women to transform their lives. She believes that every woman has a unique life experience that makes them an expert in their own right Her thought is that “ women can use their voice, to courageously share their story with confidence and transform the word through their words "

Tiffiney knows The Power of PosiTiff Thinking This book is just one of her many contributions to transform the world. In it shares how she, doing it her way, mastered the power of her thoughts. As a result, she has experienced an overflow of abundance in her life.

PosiTiff is a play on my name, "Tiffiney" and the word positive This year I have accomplished some amazing feats, and I wanted to share with more and more people how I did it and how they could do it to.

I changed my beliefs about so many things and I saw an overflow of blessing in my life The more and more I continue to master the power of my thoughts, the more I was able to will I to my life.

What is your favorite self care activity?

Anyone who knows me know my saying "Tuesday's are for line dancing " I don't plan anything on Tuesday's lol! What started out as a way to overcome a sedentary lifestyle became so much more. There's an initiative in my hometown called Healthy Harrisburg, the coordinator for is a woman by the name of Jankail Adams It focuses on the

What inspired you to write your chapter in this book?

"We delight in the beauty of the butterfly but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty."

Maya Angelou

Tell us what message or lesson do you hope that people will receive after reading your chapter or book?

You can overcome anything in life! Nothing is impossible, you simply have to believe in yourself and live a life of purpose.

Do not doubt your ability no matter what mistakes you ' ve made in the last, no matter what simply be yourself Be good to people, do good by people, and serve others, and you will be abundantly blessed

“Love yourself so much that when someone treats

What inspired you to write this particular story?

CONGRATULATIONS!

Words by Sheree Williams

We are pleased to announce the 2022 winner of The Barbara Tate Memorial Scholarship is Ms. De'Yani Dillard!!! De'Yani currently attends Ruth Asawa School of the Arts with a weighted GPA of 3.81. She is

Therefore whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, which built his house upon a rock: And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not: for it was founded upon a rock. Matthew7:24-25

W W . T H E S E L F C A R E M A G A Z I N E . C O M