The Self-Care Magazine, Issue 2 - Digital

THE ISSUE 2

SELF-CARE Tips to Heal & Overcome

How Listening to the Inner Voice can Push You to Greatness

THE

SELF-CARE

www.theselfcaremagazine.com Publisher & Editor-In-Chief Paméla Michelle Tate Digital & Graphic Designer Geaux Fig Co. Copy Editors Paméla Michelle Tate Rita Green

CONTRIBUTING AUTHORS Tommie Johnson, J. Goosby Smith, Sher Graham, Kimberly V. Porter, M.Ed., Juanita R. Williams, Cynthia E. Fields, MSOD, MPA, LiQuiche Young, Tasha Bailey, Uganda Gay, Adrienne Lopes, Yvette Mulkey, Dr. Patricia Goodman, Nicole Green, Patsy Johnson Brown COVER CONTRIBUTING PHOTOGRAPHER Brandi Stage with Brandi Stage Photography ADVERTISING SALES Rita Green Paméla Michelle Tate MAILING ADDRESS 2021 Fillmore Street, Suite #1285 San Francisco, CA 94117-2708 THE SELF-CARE MAGAZINE is published by Live The Life You Deserve, L.L.C. View expressed in all articles, features, advertisements, and photography are those of the author/contributor and that is not an endorsement by THE SELF CARE MAGAZINE @2022 or Live The Life You Deserve, L.L.C. of any position that has been expressed. None of the content of this publication may be reproduced in any form without written consent from THE SELF CARE MAGAZINE or its parent company, Live The Life You Deserve L.L.C. To view digital issues of this magazine, please visit www.theselfcaremagazine.com. To purchase a copy of the magazine, please visit Amazon.com.

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CONTENTS 06 Note from the Editor 09 Silver Fox Squad: Self-Care for Men 10 Cover Story: Jackie Castro-Cooper 13 Self-Care After Grief 16 Self-Care for Therapists 17 Self-Care for Diabetics 22 5 Minutes of Self-Care 28 7 Tips to Grief Freedom 35 Get Featured in TSCM!

14 What Do I Do Now? 10-Steps Through Grief

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SELF-CARE

Immerse yourself in YOU.

A NOTE FROM THE EDITOR Written by Paméla Michelle Tate

Welcome to The Self-Care Magazine.

I'm extremely excited for you to be here. Since our last issue so many things have happened in the world. We have celebrated Valentine's Day, Black History Month, and Women's History Month. Spring has sprung and we have celebrated the fact that JESUS rose from the tomb. We have also witnessed the start of the Ukrainian War, the slight rise of COVID-19, and we survived the backlash of the Chris Rock slap. Mother’s Day and Father's Day are rapidly approaching, graduations are beginning and the wedding season will soon be here (Special Wedding Shout Outs to LaSjeonia aka Sunshine & Kevin and Shunetta & Dwayne) and I am here for it all!

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So many things have pulled us in so many ways and that has allowed us the opportunity to voice so many opinions about so many things. I've been thinking about the types of things I'd like to have shred in this magazine. I want to celebrate people and their accomplishments. I want to remind people that they are resilient and they can do hard things. And yes, I want to help people get through hard times as well!

There is a lot going on in the world and people are grieving but people are living too and The world is certainly turning and spinning on its own axis these days. Thus the need for self-care. When the world is chaotic and work is constantly demanding, or our friends and family are in need we often jump to the rescue. But who do you depend on to help you?

Each of us is responsible to care for ourselves.

There is no prize for being a martyr and not taking care of yourself and your health. I want to talk about what authentic self-care can like. Self-care isn't all about getting massages, going out to restaurants, and purchasing flowers for yourself on a weekly basis.

Self-care is about setting healthy boundaries for yourself, respecting and valuing your OWN TIME. Self-care is about honoring yourself and saying "NO" to doing things when you need to rest or when you don't want to participate in an activity.

This is so important and yet, we often will say "Yes," because we don't want to disappoint someone.

Honor yourself by saying NO more often!

Self-Care should also include asking for help or joining a community for support. It's important to remember you don't have to know it all or do it all.

You just have to be yourself and know and trust that you are worthy of receiving all of the wonderful love, support, and things that you so freely give to others. If you have never experienced receiving - it is probably because you have never asked for or been willing to accept help from others.

I am encouraging you to ASK FOR HELP! Help can be assistance with a PowerPoint, baby-sitting so that you can have some alone time or a long hot bath, or a hot cooked meal while you are recovering from a cold or Covid. Do yourself a favor and allow the people who love and respect you the opportunity to assist you in the manner and ways that you have selflessly assisted them that is selfcare and you are worthy to receive it!

Standing authentically in her purpose, Paméla is employed as a Community Organizer at Innovate Public Schools where works with parents to advocate for equal access to education. Recently she joined forces with two of her friends and formed the Black Women Revolt Against Domestic Violence Resource Center. This group is comprised of women determined to provide the various resources, tools, and aid that are necessary to stand against domestic violence.

Her transparency is well appreciated by various audiences. As a survivor, Paméla believes that it is her responsibility to champion advocacy. Through the power of her own life’s story, she has become a catalyst for both local and global communities. She shares some of her stories in the newly released anthology, “My Walk Past Hell.”

Paméla is also the author of “A GIRL’S JOURNEY: There’s No Crying in Baseball,” a book written to teach children and families about fortitude, integrity, gender roles, and the concept of being a team player. In 2021, she released another personal piece of work, “I’ll Fly Away: 31 Day Devotional for Caretakers,” to offer time, space, and healing for other caretakers such as herself who are caring for a parent, spouse, child, family member or friend.

When Paméla is not out advocating for others, she resides in the beautiful San Francisco Bay area. She is a beloved daughter and the mother of three children and one bonus child. Follow Paméla on Facebook and Instagram (@mspamelatate) for inspiration for survivors and caretakers as well as upcoming speaking engagements.

​I'd love to hear your thoughts and ideas on selfcare and other things you'd like to see here in The Self-Care Magazine so email me at selfcaremagazine@gmail.com I'm looking forward to hearing from you!

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SILVER FOX SQUAD: MEN AND SELF-CARE Written by Tommie Johnson

My self-care begins with being completely honest with myself about the who, what, when, where, whys, and how I want to be as a man, father, and influencer. This involves tending to my body, intellect, mind, practical needs, social needs, and spirit.

Next would be my interactions with others. I think it's important to have face-to-face time with friends. Phone conversations are great. Zoom meetings can work, however, there's nothing like seeing a smile up close or a hug to make things better.

Pay it forward. I tend to focus on our youth, in particular our young men who have no father or father figure for whatever reason. Teaching a young man how to tie a tie, change a tire, oil, eat healthily and be chivalrous is very important to my mental and physical health. Sign up to volunteer with an organization that has a mission that inspires you. The possibilities are endless, and you will feel good taking time out of your day to help others.

Born and raised in San Francisco, California. I served 12 years in the United States Army and am a Veteran of Foreign Wars. A proud father and dedicated businessman. In 2022, I became an official member of the Silver Fox Squad LLC, aligning with other inspiring men throughout the country. www.therealtjay.com | tommiejohnson@comcast.net

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THE DIVINE WOMAN REACHES HER FULL POTENTIAL WHEN SHE CARES FOR AND LOVES HERSELF

by Jackie Castro-Cooper, MPT As a little girl, I knew there was a rhythm to life.

This rhythm was created by women, specifically my grandmother and mother. There was a flow to each day that was not forced. They woke up and went to bed at the same time every day. After a shower each morning, dressing was deliberate.

Clothes were to adorn you not just to be thrown on. They hand-made most of their clothes and mine.

There was no overworking or a sense of pushing the body to its limits. They would stop to rest when they did too much cooking or cleaning. They drank water, hot or cold tea, and homemade juice to stay “refreshed”. Preparation of food was slow and on purpose. Meals were at the same time every day, eaten slowly and with enjoyment. No digestive issues.

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There was simply a listening ear as their divine body whispered to them.

The physical, emotional, and spiritual needs were met in real-time. They walked everywhere.

Walked to work, walked to go shopping as they carried their own groceries, and walked me to school and to church. Prayer was part of the morning, midday and prior to sleep for my grandmother. She was connected to a higher being, God. My grandmother and mother both felt their emotions of pain and suffering and cried if not in front of me, then as I would come upon them in the kitchen as they cooked and turned their faces. They smiled and laughed out loud when there was a good joke from a friend, or a sly remark that would make their faces red

before they would burst into laughter or the Carol Burnett show on TV.

air, seeing trees and my feet sending strength up into my whole body. It was glorious.

This was how they were able to hear the whispers of their own divine bodies that guided them each day of their lives.

I didn’t know it then, but I was changing my body's biochemistry. My stress hormones, cortisol, and adrenaline that were stuck in my gut were decreasing. At the same time, my feel-good hormones serotonin and dopamine were increasing.

I watched and learned as these divine women cared for and loved themselves.

I remember.

I came to realize all of this when I was raising my three children. What did I realize? That I was NOT creating that rhythm for my family. If I cleaned it was until I was exhausted. The shopping was done without any idea of what meals I would be preparing each day. I cooked without having all the ingredients.

It was that simple.

I now had the listening ear as my body whispered to me these words, “Care for me, love me, you’re the only one I have beautiful divine woman. Welcome to your full potential.”

My brain was scattered. I stayed up late watching TV rocking a child in my arms that would not sleep.

Woke up late and rushed to get everyone out the door to school. I was disconnected from the care and love that my divine body needed. My focus was on my children and my husband, not on myself.

Then one day, I put my sneakers on and yelled out to my husband and 3 kids, “I’m going to do some Active Self Time (AST), see you in a little bit!” and walked out the door. When I came back I felt different, happy. My family didn’t even miss me!

AST was something I needed to create at that moment so that I could affirm the importance of what I was doing. It was not exercising or a walk. It was me…alone…with mySELF…moving my divine body outdoors. Feeling my heart beating, the warmth of the sun, taking deep breaths in the fresh

Jackie Castro-Cooper is a holistic alternative physical therapist.

She walks outdoors every morning, drinks lots of water, practices yoga, and takes plenty of deep breaths. She is the author of the best sellers, The Power of Self Care/Self Love: A Physical Therapist’s Guide to Evolving Into Your Higher Self and The Power of Self Care/Self Love: A Journal Workbook Into Your Higher Self. Jackie is also the creator of healing video series, The Back and Neck Pain Relief Method at www.you-can-heal.teachable.com

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SELF CARE AFTER GRIEF Written by Patsy Johnson Brown Be watchful of the rabbit hole of depression, if you catch yourself going there quickly turn around.

It’s rumored people who have chosen (because it is a choice) that path has never returned to what we consider normal.

Embrace a balanced mindset and seek counsel if need be.

Establish a rock-solid trust in yourself. In the words of our former President “YES We Can” take on this new unknown territory we once had with the one that is no longer on the journey with us.

Be kind to yourself speak strength and courage to yourself as often as needed. My granddaughter once told me “Nanny there’s no such thing as a bad day (out of the mouths of babes). After giving a little thought to her statement hum, I believe she is right. Yes, some days you may have to take more deep breaths remembering this too shall pass. On those days I like to put on my favorite music and dance or sing my favorite song. Do you have a favorite song you know the one that gets your mind balanced or the one that gives you the courage to take on the challenges of the moment?

Lastly, think about setting for yourself or your family's short and long-term goals. Having something to look forward to is magical also focusing on goals will aid in keeping your mind focused and balanced on preparation for gain and not the loss.

A Pastor once told our congregation the mind can only think one thought at a time. That being the case let’s self-care and guide our thoughts towards gains. As we celebrate all that life offers the losses defiantly the gains of the past, present, and a glorious future!

Be optimistic in your thoughts don’t allow them to lead you astray to negative Nancy she will tie up all of your time.

Be generous with some not all of your spare time there are so many volunteer opportunities such as food banks, churches nonprofit organizations that could use your help. I have met some of the kindest people in doing so. Remember the more you give the more you receive.

Be Beautiful set an appointment at your favorite spa and nail shop. It’s really true when you look good you feel good.

Be thankful, yes be thankful for the time you were allowed to spend with the one that has now gone. May the precious memories bring joy and peace to your heart always. If you didn’t get a chance to say goodbye write a letter or note.

Once written let the wind take it away!

Be mindful of yourself. YOU matter YOU are valuable your life is a precious gem.

Patsy Johnson Brown native Houstonian graduate JH Jones mighty soaring falcons pursued Business Administration and Real Estate education HCC and the University of Phoenix. The financial Administrator banking industry. Proud mother of two sons and two beautiful granddaughters. Hobbies include fashion modeling, producer talk show Chatterboxtm, upcoming author Christian books for children linkedin.com/in/patsy-johnson-brown-6bb46820

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WHAT DO I DO NOW? Written by J. Goosby Smith, Ph.D. Trigger Warning: Includes the Passing of a Loved One Irritation at my husband’s tardy return from TGI Friday’s on Good Friday morphed into anxiety as realization struck…he ALWAYS calls. The doorbell jolted me. I glanced at my obnoxiously large digital clock: 4:30 am.

Dressed in a nightshirt, I passed our infant’s and teenager’s rooms to answer the door.

His expression changed as he looked up at me.

Bleary-eyed, I peered through the peephole. “Who is it?”

“There was a single-vehicle accident on the 118. Your husband was killed.”

“Does someone here know Tony Smith?”

“Who are you?”

“Ma’am. I work for Ventura County. Does someone here know Tony Smith?”

“Yes. He lives here.”

“Ma’am. I’m sorry to disturb you, but I’d like to speak with you.”

Heart in stomach, trembling, and suddenly cold, I mumbled. “Just a minute.”

“Please sit down ma’am.”

“I’m fine,” My crossed arms simultaneously hugged and braced myself for his next words.

“What?” Half questioning half laughing.

“There was a single-vehicle accident and your husband was killed.”

Now painfully aware of my highly inappropriate yet uncontrollable laughing, I again asked “What do you mean?”

“There was a single-vehicle accident. Your husband was killed.”

“Tony is dead?” I asked, still laughing.

Instantly awake, I bounded up the stairs and burst into my son’s room. “Wake up. Wake up. I need you to come downstairs NOW.”

As I glanced down to my right, my beautiful and strong son was silent and stoic sitting there on the couch - not moving an inch. The only indicator of his awareness was his trembling… Obviously he was processing the unexpected death of his stepfather quicker than I.

“Mom…” he groaned, as irritated as I’d be if abruptly awakened.

“Yes Ma’am,” he said looking up at my curiosity, empathy, and concern.

“I’m serious. Come downstairs NOW. There’s a White man outside with a clipboard asking me if I know Tony.

Some ill sh*t’s about to jump off.”

“He’s dead? What happened?”

“No problem. Take your time ma’am.”

Reluctantly, with a blue fleece blanket in hand, he followed me downstairs. He sat on the sofa, cocooning himself.

“We aren’t sure ma’am. He veered off of the road and hit the center cement divider. The car flipped and…”

“He was ejected because he wasn’t wearing his seat belt,” I unintentionally finished his sentence aloud.

As I opened the door, the clean-shaven face combined with the clipboard and government-issued jacket signaled to me that the visitor was legit. “Come in.”

“Yes, Ma’am. We’re not sure what happened.”

“Thank you, ma’am.”

“We found Del Taco strewn about the car, perhaps he was eating?”

Still standing, I directed him to the bone-colored couch with six perpetually disorganized pillows.“Have a seat.”

My son and I watched him warily.

Again, on autopilot, I said, “He fell asleep.”

“No. He would not eat in the car. He would bring it home. He fell asleep.”

“How do you know Tony Smith?”

“There were no skid marks.”

“I’m his wife.”

“Was anyone else hurt?”

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“No Ma’am. It was a single-vehicle accident.”

“What do I do now?”

“His body is at the Ventura County Coroner’s office. After the autopsy is done, we will call you and you can arrange to have the body picked up. The car was towed by Swink’s towing. Here’s their card.”

Silently, I took the card…looking at it as if he’d handed me a dirty diaper. My mind started to wander. Where is my car? When do I call? Finals at Pepperdine are in two weeks and my students’ group presentations are next week.

What about the contract I just signed with Butler University? What am I going to tell his mother? His Daughter’s mother?” “…my card if you need anything.” He handed me another dirty diaper. I composed myself enough to shake his hand. “I don’t envy you your job, sir.”

“Thank you, ma’am,” he said as he walked back through the door he’d entered.”

As I closed the door with my butt and reached behind me with my left hand to flip the deadbolt, my son and I locked eyes. Wired pretty similarly, we didn’t really say anything.

We just walked silently back upstairs to our bedrooms.

As I glanced at the baby girl of Tony and I sleeping so peacefully, I realized the trajectory of her whole life had just shifted... Before entering his room, my son stopped and glanced over his right shoulder, “I’m sorry Mom.” I hugged him and said, “Thank you.”

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”

“You’ve gotta call his sister.” His baby sister.

His bedroom door clicked shut.

“She’ll be the first family on either side that I call, but I’m about to lose my ability to think. I need to call Velvet.”

Velvet would be up since she was on Eastern time. I called her as I booted up my laptop and opened Microsoft Excel™.

handle my classes. I accepted my department rallying around me.

3. Give yourself an invitation to grieve. If you are like me, you were taught to “be strong.” That is malarkey.

Strength is handling the crisis, through the pain and tears.

I had a “crying chair” that I would sit in daily for an hour while I was home alone. I gave myself permission to wail.

As time passed, I sat in the chair less and less.

4. Realize others do not feel your pain…even loved ones. Unless they have walked this path and unless they are you, they do not understand. Don’t expect them to.

5. Make no money or relationship decisions. God forbid you to do both before you right-side yourself…you may end up heartbroken and broke. Trust me on this.

6. There are no rules…and if they are, you make them —and you can change them at will. There is no playbook for going through grief. Yes. There are highly documented stages of grief, anger, acceptance, etc., however, they are not linear or mutually exclusive.

7. Opinions are like…well, you know. Everyone will have an opinion about what you should do with your spouse’s belongings, your living space, your life, your children, and your money. The operative word is “your.” Always remember that.

8. Grief is the price for loving. We all want to live lives full of pain; but, that is not realistic. I try to remind myself that I was so blessed to have loved.

9. Let’s get (a) physical. Without your physical health, you can do nothing. Get yourself checked out and start a sustainable health routine.

10. It’s okay to be happy again. Many people have opinions on how we should mourn and when we should “move on.” Joy and happiness are gifts that you are allowed to enjoy again.

After I made an empty numbered list, always a morning person, she cheerily chirped, “Hey girl…” I abruptly said, “Tonys’ dead, I’m in Excel, and I need you to help me figure out whom to call and what to do. Help me make a list before my mind shuts down…”

As I look back on that night 16 years ago, here is what I can tell you.

1. Know thyself…and accept her. After losing my mother 7 years earlier prior, though I show little emotion in crises, my mind quickly goes into shock.

2. Rely on others. Before my mind shut down, I called Velvet and we strategized. I let another colleague

J. Goosby Smith, Ph.D. I ask a lot of questions, read a lot, and tell people what I've learned hoping it will help them connect more authentically to themselves, others, and God. For more information, please visit her website at www.theinclusionologist.com.

She can be reached by email at drjgoosbysmith@gmail.com

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therapists

SELF CARE FOR

Written by Dr. Tasha Bailey

How do your nurture your body for self-care?

As a therapist, I work with feelings and trauma all of the time.

The thing is, these can get stored in the body, which eventually leaves me feeling emotionally fatigued, triggered, and physically ill. The body uses movement and engages my senses to release the impact of secondary trauma and cortisol (the stress hormone).

Tasha Bailey is a creative psychotherapist, facilitator, educator & content creator based in London. Her platform @RealTalk.Therapist shares her knowledge of self-care, healing & wellness, and its importance in our everyday maintenance. She believes that wellness needs to incorporate all parts of our mind, body, and soul. hey@realtalktherapist.co.uk | www.instagram.com/realtalk.therapist

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I’d like to thank @thecurvecatwalk, the UK’s 1st plus size dance class where the beat is louder than people’s opinions, and @isleofskating, the home of roller skating classes for all ages and levels for being my new favorite discoveries this year.

I love them both for the joy they bring me.

SELF-CARE FOR DIABETICS Written by Nicole Green In 2005 I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. After the birth of my son, Isaiah. In denial, I fought against making dietary changes, for several years. This resulted in multiple trips to the emergency room visits and weight gain. My wake-up call was in 2019 through the loss of my mother. Her passing started my journey to a healthier life and a healthier me!

I am delighted to share a few self-care tips that personally changed my life. You do want to consult your physician as everyone's health is different.

1. Exercise: Find a workout buddy to take this weight loss journey with you.

You can start by walking, signing up for your local gym, or finding a personal trainer.

1. A personal trainer helps set personalized activities related to your health and weight.

2. A personal trainer can provide daily meal preps and exercise guidelines to help you on your journey.

3. A personal trainer can hold you accountable.

Monitor your blood sugars 1. Monitor by checking before and after every meal 2. Keeping an eye on your blood sugars after eating certain meals can help you determine which food affects your blood sugar the most.

4. Support Group:

Find a support group to motivate you and push you. My support was my trainer and life coach.

5. Remove unhealthy lifestyle habits: Smoking: 1. Smoking can lessen the effectiveness of insulin. Smoking makes managing the disease and regulating insulin levels difficult.

Alcohol Intake: 1. Limit your alcohol consumption 2. Keep on hand glucagon kits in case of Emergency I recommend consulting your physician before implementing these tips.

Set realistic weight goals: Remember the goal is to become healthier. Do not become discouraged if you do not lose weight quickly.

1. Take your weight at the begging of your journey.

2. Keep a log to track your progress.

2. Nutritional Changes: It may be challenging to alter your food habits, however, starting off with portion control can definitely help.

1. Consult with your physician for a nutrition recommendation 2. Set a meal schedule and avoid late-night eating.

3. Increase water consumption 4. Reducing sugary drinks and sweet intake.

3. Track your Medication: Consider creating a medication schedule.

1. This will remind you to take your medications prescribed Track how your medication makes you feel.

1. Stay in tune with how you feel while taking medication.

2. Create a Journal to log any feelings of abnormalities. It is helpful to also write down activities and times of occurrence

Nicole Green is a Bay Area native born in Oakland, California. Nicole is a proud mother of two children, Malia and Isaiah. Nicole's Major accomplishments are becoming a travel business owner of Essential Peace Travel and completing her education to receive her master's degree in Project Management and Industrial Phycology. nicolegreen2@outlook.com

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Female business owners who are also moms Moms who want to start a business Female business owners who are burnt out from juggling motherhood and entrepreneurship Women who need a push in the right direction Aspiring entrepreneurs who have put their business on the back burner and are ready to resurrect it!

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my passion

SELF-CARE EMPOWERED ME TO FOLLOW

Written by Adrienne Lopes

some type of sanity and happiness during such a stressful time.

I can remember the dreaded “Stay at Home Orders” being enforced when the pandemic first started two years ago. At the time I was a stay-at-home mom and I thought to myself, it won’t be that bad since I’m at home most of the time anyway. However, being naive I thought the virus would run its course and we would be back at normal in no time. Boy was I wrong, something that I thought would last for a couple weeks turned into what felt like a year-long home confinement.

Being a stay-at-home mom, I was used to taking care of my family and doing the normal day to day chores.

But when the pandemic hit, I found myself doing more than usual since my son was at home all day going to school online and my husband was spending more time at home. For me that meant more dishes to wash, more grocery store trips, more cooking, and the list goes on and on, so I am sure you get the picture.

What I thought was going to be a breeze, turned into me having no time for myself while I took care of others and the household.

Then one day as I watched the news, there was a segment on self-care. While I had heard of self-care, I thought that was just a new buzz word that people were using. I never considered taking the steps to practice self-care for myself. However, as I watched the segment a light bulb went off in my head. From then on, I made a commitment to practice self-care for myself so that I could maintain

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Since I always loved nature, I made regular walks at the park a part of my weekly self-care. Walking gave me time to think about what I really wanted to accomplish in life and what makes me happy. While thinking about the things that make me happy, I came to the realization that writing was something that I genuinely enjoy. From writing resumes to poetry, I have always loved writing. At that moment I decided that I would start back writing resumes as I had done in the past but being that the pandemic hit, there was not a high demand for resumes since jobs were being eliminated. And to be honest writing resumes did not make me happy as it once did. Then divine timing came into play, as I saw an opportunity to join a writing class that was being offered. I went back and forth wondering if this was something I wanted but how could I let this opportunity pass me by. Writing a book was something that I always wanted to do so I took a chance and signed up.

...my self-care commitment led me to accomplish my goal.

In the class, I had the opportunity to share my writing with others and to get feedback on what I was writing. It only took one person to comment that my stories were good enough to be a book. That was the encouragement and motivation that I needed to keep going and before I knew it, I was on the way to writing my first book. After the course ended, I had a book ready to be edited and even though it took a year, my first book was finally published. I can’t express how empowered I felt once that day came. I was proud of myself for following my passion for writing and honoring my self-care commitment that led me to accomplish my goal.

Adrienne Lopes is a Human Resources Professional and author of her first book, My Magical Awakening: A Journey in Real Black Girl Magic. She also owns The Inner Eye Store, an online store that sells candles and wellness products. She currently resides in Atlanta, Ga with her husband and son. adrienneleelopes@gmail.com www.theinnereyestore.company.site/

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for women

Written by Dr. Patrica Goodman

If the pandemic hasn’t taught us anything, it has definitely taught the importance of self-care! Today’s stress is majorly overwhelming, affecting people financially, emotionally, physically, spiritually, etc. What I have found, though, is regardless of if we are in a pandemic or not, we must be concerned with our mental health. Abandoning it can impact your physical health negatively (e.g., stress leading to high blood pressure which leads to strokes) and prevent you from living your best life.

One of my teacher friends was so stressed as a teacher that she experienced two mini-strokes on the job twenty-four hours apart. A day later, she was quarantined for fourteen days after being exposed to COVID-19. During this quarantine, she realized that the stressful conditions of the school along with the challenges posed by the pandemic were not conducive to her mental health.

Scarred by the mini-strokes, she quit, took several months off to focus on her mental health, and then accepted employment that took her mental health concerns seriously.

She says that this mental health break that God sat her down for was key to saving her life. Although this was a serious situation that could have caused her children to become motherless, I don’t want to instill fear into you. I want to instill in your action. You have to take care of yourself before you can take care of others. It’s necessary!

Think about it. If you are on a plane and something necessitates masks to be put on immediately, whose mask should be put on first? Yours or your child’s? Our maternal inclination will compel us to put on our child’s mask first, but if you happen to pass out, you and your child will be passed out, risking further injury.

My friend had identified many triggers in her position that contributed greatly to her stress levels, but she ignored the red flags. She ignored the less than four hours of sleep per night; the time away from her toddlers; her lack of presence at her daughter’s theatrical performances; her stress eating; her lack of energy; her lack of friends… She just powered through every day without considering the damage it was having on her body. Besides, she had children to take care of!

The question then became when she is hospitalized for extreme stress, who would take care of her children? I implore you to identify the stressors in your life. Write them down if you have to! Develop a list of tasks that would combat those stressors. Consult with a mental health professional to help you explore positive ways to combat stressors. And DO what they say!

Tired of the unnecessary stress, she began to manifest the life she really wanted. She made her list very specific and “[spoke] those things that are not as though they were!”

Instead of saying, “I wish I could speak in public with confidence one day,” say, “I speak publicly with confidence.”

Instead of being afraid to speak up at work, affirm that [you] can do all things through Christ who strengthens you.

(Phillippians 4:13). Repeat them as affirmations. Before long, she found a job that met her specifications; she’s been loving it since!

Lastly, identify what makes you happy. Are they weekend getaways? Beach trips? Resorts? Whatever it is, go for it! Try doing something for yourself on a regular basis. If you cannot afford a full trip, treat yourself to a nice dinner at a fancy restaurant once a month. Let your hair down while enjoying live music at a local event! Check out a new play, ballet, or opera performance. These frequent, happy experiences will help transform you into the person you are supposed to become. Change can be scary, but it can be good, too. So, embrace change. Live boldly. Live on purpose.

Live beautifully. Live better. Love YOU!

Marketplace Minister, Preacher/Intercessor, Youth Empowerment, Healing, Deliverance Speaker, Certified Public Speaker, Herbassador for Herprenuer Network, Wealth-Builder, Worldwide Partner, Owner of Cryptocurrency Wealth, 2022 Level-Up Ambassadors - I connect men and women globally to a system that provides ways to gain passive income through mentorship and training patriciagoodman093@gmail.com | vwww.NetworkwithPat.com

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5 MINUTES OF SELF-CARE: YOUR PRIORITY Written by Sher Graham Caregiving is a gift we share with others. As a caregiver to family members and my community, I know I am leaving a legacy somewhere. As a caregiver, I know that my energy can become lackluster and drained when I take on the negative energy of others.

Giving care comes in many forms. One does not have to have Power of Attorney or Guardianship to be a caregiver.

My great-aunt Milly was a person I found myself giving care to for many years. In her later years, I traveled over 900 miles at least monthly, sometimes more, to visit with her.

Her husband was a war veteran who suffered from mental illness from his years in the war and passed in the mid1980s. After his passing, Aunt Milly volunteered for over 20 years for the American Red Cross as a hospital volunteer.

Her smile was the first thing you saw each morning at the Reception Desk.

As time went by, she sold her home and moved into an assisted living center before moving into a nursing home.

Her memory began to fade from dementia and Alzheimer's Disease. She was kind and loved everyone. Her piano playing of gospel hymns was outstanding; she could sit down and just play from memory. What never left her was her sense of humor - Aunt Milly told it like it was - transparent and truthful!

I want to share one of the caregiving activities we enjoyed.

Finding photos galore, I created legacy books based on family members - she had no children, so her nieces and nephews were close to her. Separating the book into her early life, married life, family, and friends, I created four three-ring binder photo albums of her life, including cards from her wedding shower, her first home payment receipt, and the receipt when she bought her piano!

Your mindset can change each day beginning with 5 MINUTES! You must become a priority on your calendar to make those 5 MINUTES count each day.

Here are some fun ways to use those 5 MINUTES. Find a quiet space for your retreat- yard, bathroom, closet, or car. o Wiggle your toes, ankles, and legs. o Stretch your hands and fingers high in the air. o Take a breath in and out. Smile. Laugh, Repeat. o Dance or twirl as if everyone is watching you. o Read a book or poem aloud to the trees or flowers or your animals. o Write three things down that you appreciate or are in gratitude for. o Sit in the silence and let your mind think of nothing. Listen to the sounds around you. o Say your daily intentions aloud. o Repeat 5-4-3-2-1 as many times as needed to refocus your mind to think of something else. o Look in the mirror and say “I Love You” while you hug yourself.

Being 100 percent good to yourself allows you to give 100 percent of yourself to others.

What a joy it was for us to remember and for me to learn more about her life when she shared stories from the past. It was also fun to add photos of the then and now from parties, visits, and trips to Bob Evans' Restaurant for lunch.

These are the times I treasure now.

Distress makes it a priority in our daily lives. How you react and respond to the distressing issue can trigger negative emotions, depending on your mindset choice. That is a choice you make, from eyes open to how you manage daily activities to what you think about before you go to sleep.

Self-care is NOT selfish! For you to be at your best and fully able to care for others, it is important to make YOU a priority. Engaging in self-care shows your family, friends, work colleagues, and anyone else you encounter that you value yourself.

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International author, speaker and lecturer Sher Graham is the CEO, OneStop Business Institute, Inc. and EVP, NeuroBehavior for Synergy Solutions Collab, Mobile, AL and serves as co-chair of the Gulf Coast Mental Health Coalition. She may be reached at synergytosoar@gmail.com | www.shergraham.com

WHOLENESS THROUGH WEIGHT MANAGEMENT Written by Yvette Mulkey

After a routine checkup, my internal medicine doctor called me at home. I was watching a sitcom on television and was tempted to let the phone go to voicemail. Tomorrow was going to be a big day at work, so I was trying to watch something funny on the television to ease my rising anxiety. However, my gut instinct prompted me to answer.

“Hello,” I said.

He told me to go directly to the hospital. In hindsight, I had ignored all the signs screaming at me for hypoglycemia: vision problems, irritability, constant urination, and fatigue that wouldn’t cease even though I religiously took B12 vitamins. My problem was I was under too much stress at work and there was nothing I could do about it. My solution was to just press through these challenging times until the summer and then take a long vacation. I was 100 percent wrong!

What a joy it was for us to remember and for me to learn more of her life when she shared stories from the past.

It was also fun to add photos of the then and now from parties, visits and trips to Bob Evans' Restaurant for lunch. These are the times I treasure now.

Distress makes it a priority in our daily lives. How you react and respond to a distressing issue can trigger negative emotions, depending on your mindset choice. That is a choice you make, from eyes open to how you manage daily activities to what you think about before you go to sleep.

I thought I was doing self-care because I listened to what my mind and soul needed. Well, when my body finally spoke up for itself it forced me to change my ways. I learned that my body was just as important as the rest of me.

Weight management is difficult, I battle old habits often and sometimes miss my mark, but nevertheless, I am not only healthier, but because of my experience I am wiser. I now have true wholeness something lacking in the past.

Self-care is NOT selfish! For you to be at your best and fully able to care for others, it is important to make YOU a priority. Engaging in self-care shows your family, friends, work colleagues, and anyone else you encounter that you value yourself.

I was shocked when the ER doctor told me I had to stay in the hospital. I immediately pulled out my cell and called my family, then I left my office a lengthy voicemail about my circumstances. I ended up being in the hospital for three days hooked up to an IV.

Your mindset can change each day beginning with 5 MINUTES! You must become a priority on your calendar to make those 5 MINUTES count each day.

And just like that, my life went from no medications to being medicated daily. I had to tell my stylist that I could no longer be a regular customer. The cost of my prescriptions cut too deeply into my income, and I had to budget wherever I could with my finances. I even had a period where my eyesight was affected so badly that I couldn’t read anything without using a 4x magnifying glass.

Wiggle your toes, ankles, and legs.

Here are some fun ways to use those 5 MINUTES. Find a quiet space for your retreat- yard, bathroom, closet, or car.

Stretch your hands and fingers high in the air.

Take a breath in and out.

Smile. Laugh, Repeat.

Yvette Mulkey caught the writing bug when she was in the sixth grade. She is a published poet and has participated in spoken word forums. She has a background in communications and has worked as a content writer and editor of publications for more than 20 years. sweeterjourney@yahoo.com

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WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY? Written by Cynthia E. Fields, MSOD, MPA

“Hi, my name is Cynthia and I own over 200 candles!” That was my introduction to the ladies of my mentoring group during our Zoom kickoff meeting. The facilitator's mouth dropped and her eyes widened. Before she could utter any words, I flashed a huge smile and with confidence continued, “Yep, it’s a form of self-care!” In hindsight, my initial statement kind of sounded like an admission of an addict. However, an addict I am not, but a hobbyist I am.

The COVID-19 fueled shutdown added a lot of spare time to my life. For months, my outings were limited to quick visits to the post office, bank and grocery store. Other than that, the bulk of my days was spent home alone as my husband was considered an essential worker and I obeyed shelter in place orders, which nearly depleted my social interactions.

An unknown disease, food, and supply shortages (remember the infamous tissue paper rations?), civil/political unrest…the news outlets, the Internet, and social media platforms were full of negativity. During the first few weeks of the shutdown, I slowly began to experience sporadic feelings of fear, anxiety, and depression as I attempted to stay abreast of the most recent COVID-19 updates. After several unexpected extensions of sheltering, growing uncertainty, and increased coronavirus-related deaths; those feelings began to occur more frequently.

Taking notice of my unhealthy mental and emotional states, I decided to decrease my intake of pandemic-related news as a way to better control my stressors. Instead, I took fuller advantage of my Netflix subscription and dived deeper into my bible studies. Unfortunately, those lifestyle changes were not enough to curb the negative thoughts and feelings that were creeping into my psyche and disrupting my peace.

One day I decided to light a couple of scented candles to help create a more calming atmosphere as I continued to distance myself from the outside world. Those candles marked a turning point in my mental, emotional and physical health as my environment was transformed into a peaceful oasis. I have been hooked on candles ever since!

For me, candles create an ambiance that evokes tranquility.

They have become my happy place. Sometimes I sit on the floor of my upstairs hallway, open the doors to my candle cabinet (Yep, I bought a cabinet specifically to store my candles!), and admire my growing collection. Periodically I randomly sniff different candles to experience the joy of inhaling their unique scents. Hope, optimism, happiness, and excitement, are just a few of the positive emotional benefits that I have experienced through burning scented wax. What began as a pandemic-induced interest has turned into a full-fledged hobby.

Collecting candles might not be your thing, but what is?

What are some of your interests? What are your passions?

Are you embracing the things in life that bring you love, peace, and happiness? If the answer to that last question is “No”, then why not?

Even God wants us to enjoy the pleasures of life: “There is nothing better for a man than that he should eat and drink, and that he should make his soul enjoy good in his labor.

This also I saw, that it was from the hand of God.” (Ecclesiastes 2:24)

Cynthia E. Fields is an international and #1 best-selling author, writer, motivational speaker, organizational strategist, and Human Resources leader.

Her overall life’s purpose is inspiring and encouraging others, especially disadvantaged youth and women clientele. Cynthia is a member of Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Inc. and the Church of Christ. Are you a candle enthusiast like me? Do you enjoy all things scented?

If so, follow me on Instagram @daintybbwchic | fields.cynt@gmail.com

I encourage you to press forward with engaging in and/or discovering your hobby while exercising two areas of caution: 1) Beware of spending so much time with your hobby that you neglect the important people and other critical areas in your life. 2) Make sure that your hobby doesn’t break the bank! Going into debt to fund a hobby could bring on a different set of stressors. So, what is your hobby?

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grief

SEEKING GOD'S GUIDANCE THROUGH

Written by Kimberly V. Porter, M.Ed.

Being in denial is a hiding place, the outer appearance is strength, and this is what one wants to be seen. The hiding place supports the covering of many emotions, feeling overwhelmed, hollow inside, and sadness. In general, I wondered why I held back tears and sent out angry looks, refusing hugs toward those who reached out with loving arms and words of love. I tried not to shed a tear or show other signs that the loss happened. The drive of this was to shield me from responding to people, and in doing this I was harming myself physically by causing diverse levels of stress and anxiety.

Let's continue to seek GOD for His guidance, daily.

Grateful Restoration Inspiration Empower Faith

I became aware that I must expect grief to be a process. In the process came strong emotions; fatigue, loneliness, not eating, fear, guilt, anger, not sleeping, not communicating. Grief is a natural expression of loss in our life that creates a void. Yes, it is painful; it is a regretful emotion when our loved one has left this life on earth. We are made up of three parts— mind, body, and soul. These three parts are each unique as well as different, however, each part affects the other. Even though the mind, body, and soul have different functions they each affect the other.

“Be gracious to me, O Lord, for I am in distress; my eye is wasted from grief; my soul and my body also.” (Psalm 31:9 ESV)

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Kimberly V. Porter, M.Ed. is an Early Child Development Educator and author of Spiritual Guidance Through Alzheimer Dis-Ease/Writer, Team Member Godlock Magazine/Writer for The Whole Truth Magazine (COGIC), Editor and writer for eLATION Magazine. Kimberly is a member of Prayer Tower COGIC Christ Grand Prairie TX. lyric2000_55427@yahoo.com

SUNDAY’S COMING, MY SUNDAY, MY TIME Written by Juanita R. Williams My Sunday, My Time Yes!!! It’s Sunday again. How I look forward to my Sundays.

Don’t get me wrong, I like the other days of the week as well, but Sunday is my favorite. Sunday jump starts my everything.

Having a career along with being a wife and mother keeps me real busy. Homework, sports, cooking, cleaning, ministry, and the list goes on. Although I seize the day and conqueror each challenge, I long for the day when I can just relax. No more career, no more homework, no more sports, no more anything, just rest and relaxation. Problem is, I have no idea how to relax.

I am the kind of person that even when I think I am relaxing, I’m not. My mind is usually on overload, thinking of all the things I need to get done. That dreaded to-do list. I’m not only thinking about the next day, but I’m also thinking about the next week and even the next month. Who does that? This girl.

But to be honest, I like being busy, especially when it involves helping others. For me, helping others is like a White Chocolate Mocha Latte on a cold day that warms my insides and tastes good too. However, helping others as amazing as it is, can also lead to burnout, especially when you continually give to others but never give to yourself.

Giving to others and not giving to myself is me all day long, but I was getting really close to burning out so I had to figure out how I could continue to help others and relax too, and I had to figure it out quickly.

Not too long ago, I ran across a post on Facebook with the words “Restored Over Everything” in big bold letters. I scrolled past the post but was compelled to go back and read it. As I read through the post, the words self-care and soul-care seemed to leap out at me. This piqued my interest, so I kept reading. By the time I got to the end of the post, I was convinced I needed to sign up for the seminar.

Signing up for that seminar was the best decision I ever made.

One of the things I learned during the seminar was how to relax through self-care bathing. I was a bit skeptical at first because I thought bathing was meant for cleaning the body only, but I figured, what the heck if bathing can keep me from burnout, why not give it a try.

Well, I tried it and now I’m hooked. I now have a whole self-care bath routine. To set the atmosphere, I light a candle, then run my bathwater, which must be just the right temperature, hot, but not too hot. Then depending on my mood, I either add bubbles or a bath bomb to the water. I grab two towels from my linen closet and use one to rest my head on while I am soaking in the tub. I turn on some jazz or worship music or just sit and soak in silence. If I feel like it, I’ll have a glass of wine.

Self-care bathing is not about bathing, it’s about learning how to relax and love on yourself. I now look forward to the first day of the week every week.

Knowing Sunday is just around the corner, brightens my whole life. I even find myself humming a little louder and stepping a little lighter the night before. I will forever cherish my Sunday’s Coming.

Juanita R. Williams is a native of Peoria, Illinois and one of 13 children. Juanita is a published author and Personal Development Coach. She and her husband Robert have been married for 31 years and have amazing two sons and four wonderful grandchildren. will know that she’s been where they are. juanitarwilliams64@yahoo.com woman-emerge-d.teachable.com/p/re-discovering-you

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SELF CARE AND GRIEF: 7 STEPS TO FREEDOM Written by LiQuiche Young Last year was very challenging for me. My mom, nephew, aunt, my ex-boyfriend, and 6 friends passed away. This was all in 8 months. I decided to take my time to grieve each person. Here are some valuable lessons I learned that I want to share:

1.

It's okay to not be okay. You don't need to be strong all the time.

2. People will abandon you when they can't get what they want.

3. Therapy is important for your mental health. It doesn't mean something is wrong with you or you're weak.

4. Learn how to get in the presence of God without someone setting the atmosphere for you.

5. It's okay to go through the different stages of grieving.

6. Forgive yourself and others.

My church family helped me through a lot of this and had no clue what was going on.

Community is very important. My daughter was very helpful through this process. She knew something was wrong with me. She hugged and kissed me often and rubbed my face. (She is 21 months old.) Children are truly a gift from God!

LiQuiche Young uses her voice to encourage others who have felt rejected by their parents. The Bay Area native uses her own experience of childhood rejection and abandonment to show how God heals and provides love, self-worth, and protection to those who diligently seek Him. liquiche@yahoo.com | www.transformhealevolve.com

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WHEN I HUGGED HIM BACK Written by Uganda Gay

“JUST STOP... (sigh) STOP!!!”

“I DO NOT WANT TO THINK ABOUT ANOTHER ANSWER!!!

The sound of my hollering voice made my head thump and caused the driver in the neighboring car to cautiously turn and look at me. I was so sick and tired of asking myself question after question...

“What can make me laugh so hard that a little bit of pee squirts out?”

“How long will I feel like I am empty as if living in Lo-Debar?”

“When are my thoughts free enough to make me smile out of the blue?”

“Why do my tastebuds desire sweet buttery nutty-flavored ice cream?”

But I was more sick and tired of being a wandering ball of tumbleweed, aimlessly looking for “something” that I only had enough insight to name “the missing pieces.” I knew I was engrafted with the ability to discover and explore my capabilities, so not locating the nagging tug on the inside of my chest was diminishing.

The unnerving realization that I did not own an answer to the self-imposed question, “What makes me ME?” had my head and heart slowly sinking down into my own blackened abyss.

I woke up one morning DEAD, but I could not remember when I died, or the last time lived. I watched myself move through my daily routine smiling at the right time and laughing on cue. I noticed

that no one saw the ache I had been wearing on my face for years, and that angered me to disgust, so much so that I began shaking myself, getting mad at myself for forgetting myself, yelling and screaming at myself to fight to live for myself.

My mind drifted back to the memory of the day I felt unconditional love for the first time. I was around ten years old and was completely caught off guard by the calm radiating from my heart up to my head and down to my fingertips and toes. It was the day God hugged me. I did not know what to do with myself, so I did the only thing that felt right to me and hugged God back.

Like the spread of a freshly cracked egg in a frying pan, the understanding that God’s love would teach me how to love me spread through my whole body.

This long-forgotten memory shoved me into a position to come face-to-fear with savage memories and inflamed images.

My healed scars became evidence of my victory. The ache I wore on my face fell off because my Spiritual connection with my Heavenly Father was tangible again. I was fueled to meditate and eventually I removed the muzzle from my mouth, and I became Emotive. Now, I see without a blur with Laughing eyes.

It swung down a wall of titanium as it softened my heart to be Forgiving and prepared my mind to accept forgiveness. It gave me a jolting donkey kick for becoming slack about aiding the needy with my talents and resources to better their circumstances, so I could rediscover the blessing of being charitable. It

convinced me to wait for Aromatic relationships, intentionally promoting a winning rapport for everyone in it. It bolstered my waning drive to be fiercely Resolute to remain consistent and harmonious with my renewed self-love posture. More powerful than the Phoenix, I Emerged in balance where Heaven and Earth meet.

My skin gleamed from grey to sunray.

My hair no longer sounded crunchy but was delicate as cashmere. My joy bolted through my laughter, and my relationships replicated the attributes of the English Ivy plant.

God's love showed me I was fragmented, not missing pieces, and how to clear some overgrown weeded paths. Self-love sent me on a scavenger hunt to find wholeness spiritually, emotionally, and relationally, and selfcare kept me centered to nourish my mind, body, and soul.

Uganda Gay is a Certified Public Speaker. With decades of experience, she specializes in the topics of Marital Relations, Adolescent and Adult Personal Development, Parenting, and Caregiving. Along with managing her prestigious loan signing business, Noble Notary Services, LLC, she mentors and educates at-risk youth about Finances and Interpersonal Growth. uganda_gay@yahoo.com

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