Testimony - Teenage Pregnancy

I am Crooxcine Cooper-Mayes, I am from the Island of Jamaica, the eastern parish of St. Thomas, where I was raised by my single-parent mom with 8 siblings including my twin sister.

Growing up in rural Jamaica, fondly called ‘country’ by Jamaicans, wasn’t easy without the presence of a father figure in the house. My mother was the breadwinner, leaving early to come home late, taking whatever work available from bartending to hard labor in a factory, to provide for us.

The opportunity arose and 4 of my siblings traveled overseas for work, which resulted in a more spacious living arrangement and less financial strain on my mother. We had cable TV back then this was a status symbol and I was living my best life.

Yet with all of this, there was still an aching void that nothing could fill. I questioned my mother but her angry expletive-filled reaction to my outspokenness did me more harm than good. This behavior compounded my notion that she preferred and loved my twin more than me, nothing I did was ever good enough. I longed for praise and recognition, I needed her attention. Rejected, I could either be found by myself or playing with my brother. The void grew deeper especially the feeling that she didn’t love me and my father didn’t want me.

She wasn’t a Christian, but she had one rule that she lived by; church was mandatory for us. We would attend two different churches arriving for

Sunday school and staying for the entire service. With the turbulence at home and mom being so strict, church became a nonjudgemental haven for me. I was amazed that I could ask questions and get answered without hostility. I felt peace, joy, and happiness. This sense of peace connected me to God. I can still remember my first encounter with God, it was through His words Psalms (KJV) - Psalms 24:7–8 “Lift up your heads, O ye gates; and be ye lift up, ye everlasting doors; and the King of glory shall come in. Who is this King of glory? The LORD strong and mighty, the LORD mighty in battle.” This resonated with me as I was desperate for someone to defend me.

Once again my life changed, a new family moved into the community with a son aged 17. He was the talk of the town, he was handsome. Every girl in my age group dreamed of him. I was shocked when he asked me to be his friend.

My inner yearnings were realized; I felt loved and wanted, I was SPECIAL. I was head over heels in love. However, there was never enough time, based on my upbringing the only time I could see him was during church or before Mom came home. My commute was school, church, and home. So church soon became our meeting ground.

In March 2005 there was a crusade that deepened my connection with God, tears were streaming down my face and I couldn’t keep still, I went to the altar and the elders prayed over me. The feeling only intensified and I was baptized by the end of the crusade period.

All was well in my world, I had a boyfriend who adored me and God who loves me. What more could I ask for? That void didn’t ache anymore. I became active in church, I sang in the choir, I glorified God in song and dance. Yet, I harbored a secret, away from prying eyes, we were having sex.

In August of the same year, my bubble exploded, the Sunday I was dancing to Alabaster Box and on Monday my world crashed at my feet at a doctor’s appointment. I was laying on the table when the doctor made the announcement that would change my life forever. “You’re five months pregnant.” There was absolute horror and anger on my mother’s face. She simply walked out of the office with these words, “I am not paying for this.” I was so devastated and crushed; I wanted to disappear. I was never more ashamed, so embarrassed I did not know how I would walk out, as my life just crashed and burned.

My only little hope, I believed would be my boyfriend, but when I finally shared our news I realized then that I was truly alone as his response was, “So what are you going to do?”

I was broken, unable to come to terms with what was happening to me, I was five months pregnant. There was no one to offer me comfort as my mom no longer spoke to me, she gave me the silent treatment. The community was unkind, I was treated as though my pregnancy was contagious as though I could infect others with just my presence. I was utterly alone, for days I could not eat, or sleep.

My new normal was sitting at the back of the yard under a tree, I wept… I questioned God. I considered suicide. I researched ways to abort the thing growing inside me so that my life would go back to normal. The only light in the darkness was my bigger sister who encouraged me.

In September, my heart was once again ripped apart when my twin and other friends from the community were going back to school and I had nowhere to go. My mother’s only words to me were, “You Nah stay in here and hide.”

There was nowhere to hide, I was now the talk of the town, I was openly criticized and ostracized there was no one to defend or protect me. I became bitter and callous, with the pain and hurt that I felt, I had no outlet.

My turning point was when I went to the Women’s Center of Jamaica and met a woman of wisdom, she empowered me with stories of women in similar situations who were able to go back to school and excelled. She gave me the hope I didn’t know that I needed, that it was not the end, that I could survive, and being pregnant at 15 was not my entire story.

To my teen moms and other young women out there, your situation does not define you. Do not hang your head in shame. Believe Psalms 3:3 (KJV) “But thou, O LORD, art a shield for me; my glory, and the lifter up of mine head.”

Today, I am married and serving God, my child is doing well, we are a blessed, blended family. Resolve to emotionally and spiritually nurture your children and not just provide materially. What matters is the promise and potential God has blessed you with. I know this process hurts and you may feel alone, but you are never alone. Look to God, He is your comfort and your peace. You cannot see it right now, there is purpose in your pain.

By Crooxcine Cooper-Mayes Motivation/Empowerment speaker Christian Life coach and mentor, Sunday school teacher