November 17, 2011
volume 103 • issue 15 • thesheaf.com
Sheaf the
Politics
New federal crime legislation has many critics.
Opinion
Homosexuality in nature is nothing new.
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Education Yukon to build first university North of 60?
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Theatre
Greystone’s Amadeus explores the life of Mozart.
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Huskies
Basketball teams still finding their footing.
Page 10
Music
Chad VanGaalen’s zombie survival tips. Page 12
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The University of Saskatchewan student newspaper since 1912
USSU inspects money-losing services Perpetually deficient Browsers on the chopping block; Louis’ hampered in basement
file photo University Archives
The original Louis’ look featured significantly more wood panelling. DARYL HOFMANN Associate News Editor With the $29-million dollar renovation of Place Riel complete, the next major infrastructure project on the University of Saskatchewan Students’ Union’s radar is the Memorial Union Building. “It’s known that the MUB needs to undergo some very significant renovations, not just readjustments for economical reasons,” said Reid Nystuen, USSU vice-president operations and finance. The USSU attempted to give Browsers a new look over the summer, as finances for the cafe and bookstore have dipped in the red in recent years due largely to a decline in used book sales. Meanwhile, it has been almost 10 years since there any work was done to Louis’.
As book sales diminish, Browsers bound to fail
Over the summer of 2011, Browsers received a small facelift, its first since opening in Upper MUB in 2001. The rebranding included fresh paint, modern art work, new furniture and the addition of locally-roasted coffee to the menu rather than Starbucks. “We saw the fact that Browsers revenues were going down and down, so we wanted to do something to differentiate from the other coffee vendors on campus,” said USSU President Scott Hitchings. From 2004 to 2009, Browsers consistently managed to turn a profit. However, in the last two years the cafe and bookstore has seen revenues nosedive. In 2010, Browsers recorded a net loss of $24,415, and so far in 2011,
Raisa Pezderic/Photo Editor
Louis’ today. Less wood, fewer bellbottoms.
records show a net loss of $49,714, according to a financial spreadsheet obtained by the Sheaf. Hitchings attributes the losses directly to the massive decrease in book sales in recent years. “People are either buying their books and keeping them or selling them in the tunnel, on Kijiji or at the bookstore,” he said. In fact, from 2007 to 2010, book sales dipped 58 per cent, from $300,507 to $127,420. Hitchings explained that if book sales at Browsers continue to diminish, the union will have to decide whether it is feasible to run deficits every year to keep a USSUoperated coffee shop open in Upper MUB. “This year was sort of a test run, but I would say expect that Browsers will still be on [the chopping block] after this year.”
Louis’ needs to escape the basement
It has been nine years since a major renovation that did away with the classic pub look, and again, the question is what to do with Louis’. “Louis’ is past due for a major renovation but we don’t want [one] in the current space because in the long-term we just don’t want it to be in the basement,” Hitchings said. He feels Louis’ operations and the number of possible customers are limited by being underground. Employees face difficulty carrying food up three flights of stairs when an order is placed in Browsers and by having to use a fire escape to access the deck. “What would be optimal for Louis’ would be to put it on the main floor,” Hitchings said, “Louis’ already makes a profit normally, but I think if it was on the main floor it
would be able to make much more.” He estimates bringing Louis’ upstairs would cost between $10 and $12 million. “We would need to hike the infrastructure fee again, and it would have to be a substantial hike.” For the Place Riel project, the student infrastructure fee jumped from $10 to $50.50, for the next 25 years. Hitchings guessed the fee would have to go up another $30 for about 15 years to fund a relocation of Louis’.
MUB
cont. on
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2• News
thesheaf.com/news • the sheaf •November 17, 2011
Str8 Up gives gangsters a way out Local program offers hope, change for gang members TANNARA YELLAND Senior News Editor Though Stacey Swampy has not been an active gang member for almost 17 years, he can readily list the many benefits they offer to poor youth: protection, a sense of belonging, family and, not least, money. Swampy grew up on a reserve in Alberta, and he, like a startling percentage of aboriginal youth in Canada, went through the foster care system. In Saskatchewan in 2008-09, aboriginal people made up just over nine per cent of the population, but aboriginal youths comprised 66 per cent of the children going through foster care. While Alberta sat at 38 per cent in 2001, Manitoba had numbers much more similar to Saskatchewan: in 1999, 68 per cent of the children in its foster care system were aboriginal. “A gang is to me, at the time it was, a dad, a mom and a brother,” Swampy said. “They gave me love, they gave me a sense of protection, they gave me a sense of belonging. “You belonged to a brotherhood, you belonged to a family. Whereas most of us, where I come from, are from the reservation lifestyle, which is plagued with alcohol, drugs,
Matthew Stefanson
unemployment, poverty.” Because many of the families Swampy grew up around were dealing with generational alcohol and drug abuse, as well as poverty, they were not stable families for children to grow up in. In this respect, Swampy was very much typical of a prairie gang member. Consequently, many children in this situation end up looking outside their homes for community. “The first time that I was
MUB
cont. from Editor-in-Chief: Ishmael N. Daro, editor@thesheaf.com Production Manager: Matthew Stefanson, layout@thesheaf.com Senior News Editor: Tannara Yelland, news@thesheaf.com Associate News Editor: Daryl Hofmann, news@thesheaf.com Photography Editor: Raisa Pezderic, photo@thesheaf.com Graphics Editor: Brianna Whitmore, graphics@thesheaf. com
Arts Editor: Aren Bergstrom, arts@thesheaf.com Sports Editor: Kevin Menz, sports@thesheaf.com Opinions Editor: Michael Cuthbertson, opinions@thesheaf. com Copy Editor: Holly Culp, copy@thesheaf.com Web Editor: Bryn Becker, web@thesheaf.com Ad & Business Manager: Shantelle Hrytsak, ads@thesheaf.com
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Corporation Number #204724 GST Registration Number 104824891 Second Class Mailing Registration. #330336 The Sheaf is printed at Transcontinental Printing Ltd. 838 56th St. Saskatoon, SK Circulation this issue: 6,000
The Sheaf is a non-profit incorporated and student-body funded by way of a direct levy paid by all part- and full-time undergraduate students at the University of Saskatchewan (U of S). Membership in the Society is open to undergraduate students at the U of S, but all members of the U of S community are encouraged to contribute to the newpaper. Opinions expressed in The Sheaf do not necessarily reflect those of The Sheaf Publishing Society Inc. The Sheaf reserves the right to refuse to accept or print any material deemed unfit for publication, as determined by the Editor-in-Chief. The Sheaf is published weekly during the academic year and monthly from May through August. The Editor-in-Chief has the right to veto any submission deemed unfit for the Society newspaper. In determining this, he/she will decide if the article or artwork would be of interest to a significant portion of the Society and benefit the welfare of Sheaf readers. The Sheaf will not publish any racist, sexist, homophobic, or libelous material.
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According to the USSU bylaw, any student fee increase of more than $10 must be done through a campus-wide undergrad referendum. Realistically, Nystuen said, “we want the dust to settle [on Place Riel] and see our loan commitments through” before considering another fee hike. Nevertheless, he acknowledged the challenges Louis’ faces in working out of the basement. “Some bands choose to skip Louis’ altogether because they don’t like the venue the way it is.” Nystuen said money was set aside in last year’s budget to replace current lighting, tables and chairs, which will take place over the December and Reading Week breaks. He admits that these are just
involved [with a gang] was with a whole bunch of my friends back home,” said Swampy, who now lives in Saskatoon. “There were two sets of brotherhoods — at that time they were called brotherhoods. I had friends from both sides and they kept asking me to join each other, each brotherhood.” Fed up with getting into trouble with the opposing brotherhoods every time he saw his friends, Swampy started his own, which
he ran for seven years. Eventually, he became disillusioned with the lifestyle. “I couldn’t stay out of jail, and I stepped down because I had too many people challenge me, fight me. I had too many young kids trying to challenge me, trying to make a name” for themselves, he said. Though he would later spend “around 29 months” with another gang, Swampy says he left gangs
behind him more than 16 years ago, though some of the things that go with that lifestyle — using and selling drugs, for instance — have proven more difficult to abandon. This is where an innovative Saskatoon program sees an opportunity to help.
short-term fixes but says it will take funding and commitment for the USSU to take on another large project. “It might be five years from now,” he estimated.
second increase of $2.50 in 1955. The MUB was the first building to bring student services together. In its early days, the main floor featured a cafeteria, the campus radio station, the union offices, a smoke shop and the student newspaper, the Sheaf. Lower MUB, later known as Louis’ Pub and now just Louis’, was home to ping pong tables, pool tables and pinball machines. In 1965 they began serving food, and in 1970, they held their first pub night, where beer was sold for just 30 cents a bottle. But as the result of a surge in enrolment during the 1960s, the student body quickly outgrew the MUB. Thus, plans were hatched for what would eventually be the Place Riel Student Centre. In 1980, as part of the third phase of the Place Riel project, the MUB underwent renovations that included the refitting and later opening of Louis’ Pub, interior renovations to the main floor, improvements to the elevator and
alterations to the pedestrian tunnel connected to the residences. The renovations cost $1.7 million. For much of the building’s history, Upper MUB was a wideopen dance floor and gathering spot for listening to music and playing cards, but in 2001 the space was renovated and Browsers moved in. At that time the USSU installed the current food and beverage bar, increased seating and added new computers. Finally, in 2002, Louis’ received its most recent renovation, a $4.7 million remodelling that doubled both the seating and maximum capacity of the bar. The renovations were financed by the Student Building Trust Fund that was accumulated though student levies for years.
History of the MUB
According to Sheaf archives, construction on the MUB began in the early 1950s, more than 15 years after the concept of a student union building was first brought forward. It officially opened on Remembrance Day, 1955, with the unveiling of a memorial to commemorate students, faculty and staff of the U of S who lost their lives overseas in the First and Second World Wars. The marble fireplace, a monument to the men and women who served in the military, remains the centerpiece of Browsers. Originally, the total cost of the building was $540,000, paid for through an alumni fundraiser, a $4 student fee hike in 1946 and a
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News
November 17, 2011 • the sheaf • thesheaf.com/news
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Falling crime rates to be met with harsher sentences Harper’s omnibus bill faces widespread opposition 600
The Crime Severity Index measures changes in the level of severity of crime in Canada. More serious crimes are assigned higher weights, less serious offences lower weights. The nationwide CSI was set at 100 in 2006. Across Canada, the CSI has been in decline since then.
Violent Crime Severity Index 2010 Total Crime Severity Index 2010
400
340325 346
200 0
506
84 85 69 68 77 77 65 78 80 70 66 42
162 128 148154
171188 98 98 102102
83 89
NF PE NS NB QC ON MB SK AB BC YT NT NU
Canada
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Recorded crimes per 100,000 in Canada 11,000
19 92 19 93 19 94 19 95 19 96 19 97 19 98 19 99 20 00 20 01 20 02 20 03 20 04 20 05 20 06 20 07 20 08 20 09 20 10
5,953
6,445
6,618
6,899
7,245 7,326
7,601
7,773
5,000
7,516
7,592 7,610
7,695 8,093
8,475 8,932
9,008 9,125
7,000
9,538 10,040
9,000
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Krystian/Flickr
Bill C-10 is likely to dramatically increase the number of prisoners in Canada. TANNARA YELLAND Senior News Editor SASKATOON (CUP) — With both serious and petty crime dropping steadily in Canada over the last two decades, many are challenging the federal government’s intense focus on imprisoning law-breakers. Bill C-10, entitled the “Safe Streets and Communities Act,” is an omnibus bill composed of nine different bills that died in Parliament before the May 2 election was called. It includes harsher mandatory minimum sentences for minor offenses such as drug possession, as well as extended possible maximum sentences. It also includes measures dealing with the sexual exploitation of minors, young offenders and the pardons process. Most of the measures in the bill increase the punitive powers of the
criminal justice system. “The bill will do little to help crime rates,” wrote Pardon Society of Canada Chairperson Ainsley Muller in an email, “and will be a costly measure that the provinces will have to pay for. In reality… prisons are already overcrowded. The bill presents a huge burden for already cash-strapped provinces.” The Parliamentary Budget Office estimates the bill will cost provinces between $6 and $10 billion over the next five years, which will amount to about three quarters of the cost of the bill, according to the John Howard Society of Manitoba. Despite the cost, some provincial governments are still backing the bill. These include both Saskatchewan and Manitoba, who cite its approach to keeping criminals off the street as reason enough to put up the extra funding.
“It has been acknowledged that some provisions of Bill C-10 will result in additional expenditures in corrections,” Manitoba government spokesperson Rachel Morgan wrote in an email. “This concern alone is not sufficient to oppose federal criminal law amendments.” Morgan added that the Manitoba government expects “costs will be borne by both levels of government because many crimes, such as drug offences, are prosecuted by federal courts,” and that the government has already begun expanding its provincial prison system. But in a time when governments are prescribing belt-tightening and balanced budgets in order to prepare for a potential second global recession, spending more on crime, which is already decreasing, strikes many as the wrong approach. “The premise that the bill is trying to address is faulty in a time when crime is going down in all categories,” University of Regina criminal justice professor Hirsch Greenberg said. “Arresting people after the crime is committed doesn’t make people safer. You need to prevent the crime from being committed in the first place.” The Canadian Center for Policy Alternatives, a left-leaning think tank, echoed Greenberg in a recent report. “One of the most serious criticisms of the ‘tough on crime’ agenda,” the CCPA wrote, “with its emphasis on punishment, is that it will actually result in more of a threat to public safety rather than less.” To Greenberg, the money this bill will cost would be better spent on measures such as housing, health care or education improvement, “which,” he says, “are all things that we know prevent crime.” “One of the things that crime is about is that we as a society produce it,” Greenberg
said. “Crime is not alien, or an outside force in society — it is part of the fabric of society.” As evidence of this, Greenberg pointed to the disproportionate number of aboriginal people who are jailed across Canada. The problem is especially bad in Saskatchewan. Despite making up only three per cent of the total Canadian population, First Nations adults comprised 22 per cent of those sentenced to jail in 2007-08, according to Statistics Canada. That same Statistics Canada report also found that for aboriginal and non-aboriginal people “aged 20 to 34, incarceration rates declined as the education and employment situation improved” in Saskatchewan and Alberta. The Pardon Society of Canada’s Muller says the bill will be harmful to the pardon process as well, which will impact released inmates who may be attempting to restart their lives. “Those with minor offenses,” he wrote, “mistakes made years ago that they have tried to put behind them, will now find it more difficult to obtain a pardon.... Having a criminal record inhibits their ability to find employment, go to school, volunteer and more.” According to Muller, more than one in seven Canadian adults currently have a criminal record. Most of these are for minor offenses of the kind Muller says will be affected by the bill. “Statistics actually show that the majority of pardon applicants have never re-offended,” Muller added. Both Muller and Greenberg cited the United States, which has long been a proponent of the tough on crime approach Bill C-10 embraces, as a cautionary tale. Omnibus cont. on
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4• News
thesheaf.com/news • the Sheaf • November 17, 2011
North of 60 U
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Yukon government hopes to build Canada’s first arctic university
Amanda Graham/Flickr
Yukon College is currently the only postsecondary option in the territory. Arshy Mann CUP Western Bureau Chief VANCOUVER (CUP) — Canada is the only arctic country without a university north of 60 degrees — but that may be changing. Newly elected Yukon Premier Darrell Pasloski has said that his government is committed to building a university in the territory. “By taking a leading role, we will work towards developing Yukon College into a northern university,” Pasloski stated in a press release during the September territorial elections. “We will work to explore university models, identify which model is best suited for Yukoners and northerners alike, and commit to achieving that goal." The idea of a university in the Yukon has been proposed every few years since the 1970s, with previous NDP and Liberal administrations getting behind the idea. However, Yukon College remains the only centre for advanced education in the territory, providing both academic courses and vocational training. During his election campaign, Pasloski said his Yukon Party government would take initial steps toward a university that would include building a new student residence at Yukon College and identifying land that could be used for additional academic facilities. But there remain questions over whether the Yukon would push forward by itself to build Canada's first northern university or work with the other two territories. According to Brent Slobodin, assistant deputy minister of education, the Yukon had been in discussions with the Northwest Territories, Nunavut and the presidents of all three arctic colleges about the possibility of a pan-northern university before the recent election. "During the campaign, our premier... indicated that the government party was very supportive of evolving Yukon College into a university," he said. "And so we're still very supportive of working with the other two territories, but obviously we have support from this government to evolve locally, as well, our own post-secondary institution." In their discussions with the other territories, Slobodin said "there [was] no talk [of] bricksand-mortars, so it's a question of using the current bricks-and-mortars that we do have — looking at virtual technology and seeing where we can go from there." Amanda Graham, an instructor at Yukon College, said she believes merging the three territorial colleges — Yukon College, Nunavut Arctic College and Aurora College — is the most realistic way to bring about a university in northern Canada. "We already have the beginnings of a university of a three-campus system — not much different from the University of Alaska,
for that matter." The biggest barrier for a northern university, whether exclusively in the Yukon or across the territories, remains cost. "There is always the issue of what's the cost of delivering in more of a remote institution than there would be down south," said Slobodin. Pasloski has stated in the past that he would expect both the federal government and mining corporations to help with funding. Slobodin went on to say that another possible barrier would be recruitment of both students and faculty, especially when so many people are eager to move to places like Saskatchewan and Alberta. Another challenge to overcome is population — there are more students at Simon Fraser University than people in the entire Yukon territory. Others have pointed to a failing K-12 education system in the territory that may not be able to provide high school graduates that are ready for a university education. The Yukon has a lower high school graduation rate than any province or territory in the country. Graham said that one of the biggest challenges for creating a university would be demonstrating to Canadians that you can receive a good education in the territories. "It's not going to be easy to convince people that you can get a high-quality education from an institution that only offers one or two degrees, and that only teaches 600 students, and that only has 4 PhDs on staff," she said. However, she pointed out that due to a change in the College Act two years ago, Yukon College already has the power to grant degrees if they wish. "But we're not rushing into it,” she explained, “because we need to find a way to establish ourselves as a degree granting institution that can guarantee the quality of the work that we're doing with our students.” Graham said that whatever sort of institution emerges, it would have to continue educating people in the trades and other vocational work. And on that point, the Yukon government agrees. "We aren't big enough to have two postsecondary institutions, one devoted to trades and one devoted to academics," said Slobodin. "Trades and skills development are becoming increasingly important because our mining economy is really taking off. And there will be lots of jobs for tradespeople in the coming years." Despite all of the many challenges facing a possible university north of 60, Graham believes it's the right thing for Yukoners. "There are so many reasons why it won't work, [but] I think there are exactly the same number of reasons why it will," she said. "Mostly because we want one now."
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Str8 Up began several years ago in Saskatoon. Father Andre, a Catholic priest and chaplain in the Saskatoon Correctional Centre, “basically started to recognize that people who want to get out of the gangs have a long, hard, difficult road ahead of them,” said John Howard Society District Director Shaun Dyer. “So he started to be intentional about working with them and befriending them.” The John Howard Society, which claims as its mission offering “effective, just and humane responses to the causes and consequences of crime,” is a national organization. The Saskatoon chapter has been running Str8 Up for three years. Str8 Up requires participants to commit to spending four years in the program, which Dyer says is partially because most people leaving gangs have attendant alcohol and drug problems. “Going to rehab, it’s 28 days and then you’re out,” Dyer said. “But the reality is that to overcome an addiction takes an awful lot longer than that.” Both Swampy’s personal experience and what he witnessed bear out what Dyer said about drugs and gangs going hand in hand. Swampy continues to deal with alcohol and drug abuse, which he says he developed almost 39 years ago. He is currently 46. “I took a six-year sobriety chip from AA and NA on Sept. 30 this year,” Swampy said. But it was a struggle to make it that far. “Being in a gang is doing drugs, selling drugs, drinking alcohol,” Swampy said. He said it would be difficult to imagine anyone joining a gang and not developing any addictions. Aside from helping get people into treatment, Str8 Up does everything from helping those fresh out of jail get proper identification to partnering with them in their daily lives. “What we do is we begin to hang out with them, get to know them and walk alongside them, essentially, as they try to get out of the gang life,” Dyer explained. One of the biggest opportunities Str8 Up represents is the chance to make amends. Swampy, who had long been away from gangs when he joined the organization a year ago, says doing presentations on his life is an
Omnibus
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Muller addressed the high costs of the model, saying the cost of holding a male inmate in a federal prison for one year is higher than the cost of sending someone to Princeton, an Ivy League American university, for one year. For female inmates, the cost is close to three times the cost of a year at Princeton. Greenberg, meanwhile, focused on the fact that several legislators and lawmakers in Texas have spoken out against the Canadian Conservatives’ crime bill, though they have one of the harshest criminal codes in America. Until 2004, Texas had the highest incarceration rate in the world: one in 20 adults was either in jail, on probation or on parole. “You will spend billions and billions and billions on locking people up,” Dallas County Court Judge John Creuzot told the CBC in October. “And there will come a point in time where the public says, ‘Enough!’ ” Federal Public Safety Minister Vic Toews “was asked about [Texas law-makers speaking against his party’s bill], and his response was, ‘Oh, I don’t know what they’re doing down there,’” Greenberg said. “If he doesn’t know, I think he probably should. And if he does
important act of healing. “What Str8 Up gives us is hope,” Swampy said of himself and other members. “They give us a chance to make a new life as a productive member of society. “A lot of us heal from going back and talking about our life stories. Most of that is healing for us. What we do is, we go share our life stories.” Swampy and other Str8 Up members give presentations and mentor in elementary schools in an attempt to, as Swampy put it, “give them the chance to make that choice: ‘Well, if I go down that way, I’m going to be like those guys.’ ” Unfortunately, disadvantaged youth often see gangs as the way to escape their impoverished, sometimes lonely lives. Swampy said he was drawn to the gangs he grew up around because they offered money and family, two things he craved. “Growing up, what I wanted was nice clothes, nice women, cars, money,” he said. “They gave me a sense of belonging because nobody messed with you; you had protection.” Swampy’s hometown, Hobbema, is a dramatic example of how gangs have impacted the prairies. With four reserves and a population of just 15,000, the small Alberta city is notorious for gang-related violence. A Sept. 6 CBC article listed nine people who have been killed in and around Hobbema since April 2008. In a particularly tragic case, five-yearold Ethan Yellowbird was killed in July as the result of a drive-by shooting. Just two months later, his 23-year-old aunt, Chelsea Yellowbird, was stabbed at a party and died as a result. Although Saskatoon’s crime problem is not as bad, per capita, as Hobbema’s, Str8 Up’s Dyer estimates that there are between 250 and 300 gang members in the city. Dyer says an especially important function of Str8 Up is to give gangs a human face. “One of the really profound things to notice is that people who are in the gangs in Saskatoon are people,” he said. “They’re human beings, they have kids, they have families. They live a way of life that many of us could never imagine, and wouldn’t want to imagine, and don’t think is right, absolutely, but they’re human beings.”
know what they’re doing down there, he knows implicitly that what he’s doing is not right.” There are some who disagree with Greenberg and Muller, though. Michael Gendron is the spokesperson for the Canadian Police Association, and he says his organization wholeheartedly supports the bill. “We are entirely happy to see this,” Gendron said. Gendron claims that the tougher minimum sentences Greenberg, Muller and the CCPA are skeptical of will not necessarily lead to the imprisonment of people who have not committed serious crimes. “There’s a lot of misinformation out there,” he countered. “Minimum sentences are really meant to help our members. We’re trying to catch people who are trafficking [drugs] — locking up a kid with a joint, that’s not what this bill is about. Our members will still use a lot of discretion.” Gendron also brushed off the Texans’ warnings about taking this approach to crime. “I think the problem is you kind of have to compare apples to apples and oranges to oranges,” he said. “We’re not talking about adding tens of thousands or even hundreds of thousands of criminals to our jails.… The scope of our criminal justice system is very different from the scope of the criminal justice system in Texas.”
Opinions •5
November 17, 2011 • the sheaf • thesheaf.com/opinions
Nothing queer about gay penguins Forbidden love at the Toronto Zoo Michael Cuthbertson Opinions Editor The Toronto Zoo recently came under fire for separating two gay African penguins. According to Queerty.com, penguins Buddy and Pedro display typical courtship behaviors: grooming each other, swimming together and making mating noises at each other. But the zookeepers want to use the penguins’ “top notch” genes to save their species from extinction. The keepers defended their actions saying Pedro and Buddy don’t necessarily have sex — as if to suggest “they aren’t gay because they don’t have gay sex.” The zoo’s decision is morally and logically flawed. I wouldn’t quite call the zookeepers gay-haters — or their breeding program “a patriarchal sextrade industry” as Queerty.com calls it. I simply doubt that they should or even can make gay penguins go straight. How would they do it? Brainwash the penguins at one of those scary “ex-gay” camps? Whatever their plan, the keepers are ignoring one simple truth. Throughout the animal kingdom, homosexuality is very common and natural. Before going on, I must admit my own ignorance. Until I researched this, I just figured homosexuality was only common in humans. Indeed this is a dangerous myth that makes
homosexuality seem like “a sin against nature.” In reality, scientists observe homosexuality in many species. In the case of animals like bonobo apes, their entire species is bisexual. As for our penguin friends, colonies have been seen where as many as 10 per cent of pairs are gay. Not surprisingly, a Fox News report on the subject wonders “why evolution hasn’t eliminated [homosexuality] from the gene pool since it doesn’t lead to reproduction.” But this reasoning really
Brianna Whitmore/Graphics Editor
underestimates how sophisticated animals are. Some people assume an animal’s only motive is to spread its genes and die — the same way fundamentalists watching Fox live to populate God’s country. But not every sexual act has a reproductive function — this holds true with humans and non-humans alike. That fact has been kept quiet though. I took an introductory bio class called “The Diversity of Life” and I don’t remember any talk of gay animals. And seeing all the news coverage garnered by two gay
penguins, it seems people simply don’t realize how queer the animal kingdom really is. It’s hardly abnormal that Pedro and Buddy are gay. The fact is gay penguins have been observed mating for life, refusing to pair with females even when coaxed by zookeepers to do so. Famously, two male penguins at Central Park Zoo raised a young penguin together. They even inspired a children’s book, And Tango Makes Three — but big surprise, it was banned by some American schools for having gay-friendly themes.
The Toronto Zoo is admittedly facing a tough situation. It’s definitely a zoo’s responsibility to help conserve species and breeding programs undoubtedly help with conservation. But zoos have an even greater responsibility — giving animals a home that’s as natural as the one they would find in nature. If Pedro and Buddy were in the wild, nothing would interfere with their staying together and not mating with females. Their life in the zoo should be no different. To separate them is to try redesigning nature — which simply won’t work. It’s just as ridiculous as thinking gay people will became straight if you outlaw homosexuality. As soon as people admit that being gay is biologically normal, it will be harder justifying the persecution of queer individuals — whether they’re human, penguin or otherwise. The sexual diversity found in nature has already aided the gay rights movement. In 2003, “homosexuality in animals” was discussed in a U.S. Supreme Court case that removed sodomy laws from 14 states. The problem remains today that, while humans can defend their sexual rights in court, penguins obviously can’t. And given that humans are just another animal on this planet, it’s unfair to deny penguins the same sexual liberties we want for ourselves.
Keep your laws off my energy drink New caffeine cap distracts from real issues teens face Keith Marshall The Cord (Wilfrid Laurier University) WATERLOO (CUP) — On Oct. 6, Health Minister Leona Aglukkaq announced that the federal government will introduce a cap of 180 milligrams of caffeine in energy drinks. Her argument in favour of the change was that it would be “especially helpful to the parents of teenagers who regularly consume energy drinks.” Ingesting large amounts of caffeine is not good for anyone, regardless of their age. However, as it stands now, energy drinks sold in Canada are well below Health Canada’s maximum daily recommended dosage for healthy adults (400 milligrams). By its own admission, Health Canada “has not developed definitive advice for adolescents 13 and older because of insufficient data.” Health Canada also concedes that “older and heavier-weight adolescents may be able to consume adult doses of caffeine without suffering adverse effects.” Given this wishy-washy stance, I don’t see sufficient cause to ban some of the more caffeinated varieties of energy drinks. The energy drinks that I typically drink cost (at least at convenience stores) as much as $3. The amount
Brianna Whitmore/Graphics Editor
of caffeine in most energy drinks is comparable to the caffeine in a Tim Hortons medium coffee. Anyone can pay for an expensive energy drink or, if they’re on a budget, just get a coffee at Tim Hortons. The fact that Tim Hortons recently announced that it would be experimenting with even larger coffee cup sizes in Ontario only illustrates how teens who want high
amounts of caffeine will still be able to get it. But hey, the minister never said this was about teens’ ability to buy coffee. Nor is she concerned about supporting the free market, individual responsibility or personal choice. This is all about protecting teens who can afford to buy these expensive drinks regularly and helping parents who haven’t
educated their kids on the dangers of ingesting too much caffeine. Indeed, high caffeine consumption can result in caffeine intoxication and long term use can lead to chronic adrenal exhaustion. There are clearly not any more pressing issues for teens that can be addressed by the federal government. Forget about a 2009 study of about 21,000 teens in the
Netherlands that found that obese boys and girls were three to four times more likely to report suicidal thoughts in the past 12 months and four to seven times more likely to report a lifetime suicide attempt. Who needs a federal health minister and federally paid health experts to focus on issues like teenage obesity and teens’ mental health when they can instead focus on restricting a bunch of hyper teenagers? This restriction makes me wonder about the next minor health scare the Harper government will fall for. Can we expect high-energy snack bars and sugary breakfast cereals to be next on their hit list? Better yet, let’s regulate the amount of candy people can give to kids on Halloween. Such things may seem far-fetched, but they demonstrate an important point. There is a clear distinction between informing consumers about the health hazards of a product and outright restricting everyone’s access to it without due cause. Educating youth and parents about the risks of caffeine is the more prudent means of addressing this minor health concern. Teens need to learn to drink caffeinated drinks responsibly, and the government needs to learn to govern with commensurate common sense.
6• News
thesheaf.com/opinions • the Sheaf • November 17, 2011
Cancer’s true colour
The Seductive Scoundrel
How pink merchandising hides the truth about breast cancer
a word from Jack Penworthy JACK PENWORTHY People have called Jack many things: War hero. Cunning linguist. Laudable ladies man. Purveyor of good taste. Though native to Cambridge, England, and dean of Arts and Sciences at Harvard, Jack was delighted to accept a residency as The Sheaf ’s “Cultural Correspondent.”
W
Jordan Campbell
Kamelle MacIntyre Everywhere I look in Saskatoon I see the same photo of the same woman: a blonde with a nose ring and a fake smile on a pink background. “Breast Cancer: not just a disease of older women,” the tagline reads. It then tells us the woman was 24 years old and died of breast cancer. I hate that ad. I hate that colour. Having that pink background hides the horrible truth that a young person died of a horrible disease. It makes the ad seem almost seductive. Take away the tagline and the woman could be pitching lipstick, antiperspirant or breath mints. Pink. It’s bad enough that it is used to indoctrinate infants into traditional gender roles. But now it is being used as the colour for breast cancer. You can buy everything from pink clothing to pink utensils. This pink merchandise says to you the consumer, “Hey, just buy something pink and you are helping fight breast cancer.” But the consumer is doing nothing. It’s slacktivism at its worst. Think about pink. What do you think of? A woman whose hair is falling out because of chemotherapy? Fuck no. You think of a baby. Pink is everything breast cancer is not —
cute, innocent and fun. Clearly breast cancer is none of those things. Yet companies know that covering an item in this cutesy fun colour will get them more profits from people who want to help but don’t want to think about something unpleasant like disease or death. A pink item disconnects you from the fact that people actually get breast cancer. Breast cancer becomes a commodity and a brand. The worst pink-related thing I have seen is pink toilet paper. Yes, someone has decided to make pink toilet paper. Now what good does that do? Are you really going to think about breast cancer while you’re wiping your ass? It would make more sense to have a toilet paper related to prostate or colorectal cancer. At the very least, keep it in the same general area. I wish I could say that I would not know anyone who would fall for this product, but I saw it at the house of a family member. But who does this paper help? The people suffering and dying from breast cancer? The corporations, perhaps? I would say the latter. The colour pink infantilizes breast cancer, degrades the disease and those who suffer from it. If you really want to support breast cancer, make a donation toward cancer research. Just don’t buy a package of pink toilet paper and think you are making a difference.
hence I arrived in your town, I chanced upon some Bohemians and obliged them to tell me which public houses were in vogue with Saskatoon’s young academics. With emphatic agreement, they declared, “Amigos is pretty hip.” Attired in mahogany smoking jacket, I hollered for a cab, “To Amigos!” I entered the lounge with high hopes, looking to rub shoulders with Saskatoon’s avante-garde. But what in God’s name was this? Why I say, those faux-boho’s led me astray. This was their bastion for the arts?! Why, this was a dive bar. Neither the richness of bebop jazz nor cigarette smoke did fill the air. And all around me, dilettantes in tight-denim. Well I marched right up to the bar. “Oh, Barkeep? One Brandy Alexander please.” He looked at me with incredulity. “We sell beer,” he mumbled back. “Well never in my life!” I cried. So I sat there. Deflated. Drinking the swill you people call beer, lending my ear to blue-collar banter. Overhearing your diatribes on Facebook, American-rules football and other trifle diversions. And every argument, diminished by the same tactless use of profanity. It was all “Fuck this bitch” and “Shit that’s ballin’.”
Why, traversing the jungles of Vietnam, I found baboons who displayed finer diction than the people of Saskatoon. Baboons for goodness’ sake! Stepping outside, I smoked a fag with a young chap in rather foppish attire. I told him my tale of woe. “I am a traveller unfamiliar to your strange land,” I lamented. “Where might I wet my whistle? Oh, where might I find but one fair lady to bed the night with?” For this was my heart’s one true desire. The fop suggested I try “The Sutherland Hotel,” which sounded eminently reputable. But to my unspeakable chagrin, the Sutherland was even more an abomination than Brianna Whitmore/ Amigos. I could Graphics Editor barely think with those speakers caterwauling away — let alone charm the ladies with my debonair wit. Yet the greatest affront to a man of my esteem was the spectacle on the so-called dance floor. What my eyes beheld was so vulgar, so indecent, that I dare not mention it lest I discredit a publication of such lofty standards. So when a fetching young maiden obliged me to dance, I simply told her, “Where I come from, a man is wooed by eroticism, not pornography. And this dear lady, is sheer pornography!” But oh how fates can turn, dear reader. For soon she whispered sweet nothings in my ear and before you knew it, ol’ Penworthy proved anew his conquest of the sweet and fairer sex.
“Baseball is a game played by the dextrous, but only understood by the poindexterous.”
-Professor Frink
That’s an opinion right there. Come by The Sheaf at 12:30 this Friday to talk about yours. opinions@thesheaf.com
Sports •7
November 17, 2011 • the sheaf • thesheaf.com/sports
Huskies lose in fifth set
Bryan Fraser smashes it through the Bears defence. KEVIN MENZ Sports Editor
Dogs men lose tight matches to Bears
The University of Alberta Golden Bears snagged two wins from the Huskies men’s volleyball team this past weekend at the Physical Activity Complex. In the two games held Nov. 11 and 12, the Dogs fell in five sets to the Bears despite leading 2-1 and having plenty of opportunities to win the game. “We have some guys who have to learn to play in this type of situation,” said Huskies head coach Brian Gavlas after Saturday’s match. “Both last night and tonight kind of proved it.” On the first night, service errors by the Dogs late in the fourth and fifth sets practically handed the victory to Alberta. The Bears won 3-2 (25-22, 23-25, 25-27, 25-21, 16-14). On the second night, had the Huskies been able to finish their kills, Alberta’s mistakes would have giftwrapped a Saskatchewan win. In the fourth set, Alberta led 22-20. A net fault, a few kills that went out of bounds and a blooper-reel service
return by the Bears, however, put the Huskies ahead 24-22. Needing only one point to win the set and take the game, the Dogs were unable to capitalize and Alberta took the set 27-25. “We just didn’t execute,” said Huskie Matt Busse. “At the end of sets and all the way through, that’s what we need to work on.” The Bears took the final set 15-11. Alberta moved to 4-0 with the win while the Huskies fell to 1-5.
Huskies women fall to 0-6
A strong first set was the only positive to come out of the Huskies women’s volleyball team’s third straight losing weekend Nov. 11 and 12 at the PAC. The Dogs, after a 25-20 victory in the first set of the first game, couldn’t hold the momentum and fell 3-1 and 3-0 to the undefeated Alberta Pandas. “We won the first set and we were up 20-19 in the second set, and then everything kind of [fell apart],” said Huskies head coach Jason Grieve after the two-game series. “We were happy with our performance yesterday, in a sense, but not happy with the outcome.” Saskatchewan’s strong first set was highlighted by a series of comeback
Raisa Pezderic/Photo Editor
kills from Candace Hueser and a service ace from Erin McGladdery that tied the match at 14. Firstyear Kayla Tycholiz then sealed the Huskies’ 25 points with two consecutive kills. “I think yesterday felt more positive — the first half of it anyway,” said Grieve. In the second set, Alberta was able to silence a Dogs’ lead by stealing the final six points of the match and winning 25-20. The Pandas then took the final sets 25-14 and 25-19. On the next night, the Huskies faltered greatly and gave the Pandas the victory in three straight sets (2516, 25-13, 25-12). “We just have to keep investing in basic skill work,” said Grieve. “When things aren’t going well, we revert to our [old habits], but we have to get away from that.” With the loss, the Huskies are now 0-6 on the season. Alberta is 4-0. The Huskies men’s and women’s volleyball teams will travel to the University of British Columbia Nov. 18 and 19 to take on the Thunderbirds.
Raisa Pezderic/Photo Editor
Erin McGladdery tips it over the Pandas’ blockers.
Braden McLean goes for the kill.
Raisa Pezderic/Photo Editor
8• Sports
thesheaf.com/sports • the Sheaf • November 17, 2011
Looking for wins Huskies hoops set for home opener
Chris Unsworth in preseason action earlier this year. KEVIN MENZ Sports Editor
Huskies women seek first win
The Huskies women’s basketball team will be looking for its first win of the season Nov. 18 as it hosts the Lethbridge Pronghorns in its home opener. The Dogs, who are currently ranked fourth in Canadian Interuniversity Sport despite graduating four starters last year, have lost all three games this season. According to veteran guard Katie Miyazaki, the Huskies’ close season opening loss to the Regina Cougars was a better result than expected but their two consecutive losses to the Alberta Pandas were disappointing. “We played well and competed hard against Regina,” said Miyazaki. Against the Pandas, “We wanted to at least get a split out of the weekend. It was a little disappointing with the results, as we definitely had opportunities to win both of those games.” Regina is considered the nation’s top team — even ranking higher than last year’s champions, the Windsor Lancers — and for the Huskies to compete against them is a good sign of the Dogs’ potential. However, the losses to the number eight Pandas highlight the inexperience of the Huskies’ roster. “Against Regina and Alberta, we had times where we had mental lapses that put us in a hole and forced us to play catch-up,” said Miyazaki, but “considering the youth and amount of new players on our roster, I think we are playing quite well together.” Miyazaki, who led the Huskies with 32 points against Alberta, said it will take time before the team clicks like last year’s roster. “We definitely do not have the same chemistry as last year, but that was sort of to be expected. The chemistry will come with time as we play more games together.” When the Dogs tip off against the
file photo by Raisa Pezderic/Photo Editor
Pronghorns, they will need a strong showing from other starters like Mary Hipperson and Kabree Howard. Rookie Dalyce Emmerson will have to continue her strong play. Emmerson put up a double-double against Regina and had 13 points and 15 rebounds against Alberta. “Our defence will always keep us in games, but on offence we need a few more players to step up and score if we want to win,” said Miyazaki.
Huskies men look to rebound
Following an absolute pounding of the Regina Cougars in the Huskies’ season opener, the Dogs men’s basketball team fell twice to the Alberta Golden Bears last weekend. They will be looking to get back on track Nov. 18 when they also host the Lethbridge Pronghorns at home. “I expect [Lethbridge] will be a very tough team to play against. They’ve added some new recruits and they have some very, very strong guards that will definitely challenge us,” said Huskies fifth-year forward Chris Unsworth. “For us, the key is to play our game instead of adapting to theirs. Our game is to run the floor and to utilize our athleticism, and we didn’t really do that too much against Alberta.” In both games against Alberta, weak play in the fourth quarter cost the Huskies a pair of wins. For instance, leading 57-52 on Nov. 11, the Dogs were out-rebounded and turned the ball over several times in the final frame, allowing the Bears to win 77-71. Unsworth said the Huskies will have to limit those late-game slip-ups if they want to win against the Pronghorns. “We just have to clean up some details on both offence and defence, and just kind of try and do the little things right throughout the game,” he said. Nolan Brudehl led the Huskies against Alberta with 27 points while Jamelle Barrett added 22 and Unsworth put up 18.
Sports
November 17, 2011 • the sheaf • thesheaf.com/sports
•9
Dogs fall short of title
Pan Ams overlooked
Former first-place Huskie runners kept off podium
Canadian media skips games
KEVIN MENZ Sports Editor
Adam Peleshaty The Manitoban (University of Manitoba)
The Victoria Vikes kept two former first-place finishers off the podium Nov. 12 as the Huskies fell short of winning their firstever Canada West women’s crosscountry title. Fifth-year Huskies Jodi Souter and Caitlin Warkentin, who have both won the conference race in the past, finished fourth and sixth, respectively, at the Canada West championships last weekend at Laval University. “I had [hoped for a better result] because of previous higher national finishes,” said Souter. “That being said, I fared much better this time than previously at this course. I had raced this course before and I knew it was going to challenge my weaknesses.” Souter ran the five-kilometre competition in 18:47 while Warkentin finished in 18:49. The Vikes took the conference’s top three spots and were awarded first place honours as a team. The Dogs finished second. Souter, who won the Canada West race in 2009, took a year away from school in 2010 to focus solely on running — she continued to compete in national competitions, but not at the university level. With her return to the Huskies team this year, the combination of Souter and Warkentin, who finished first last year, was perhaps the best chance the Dogs had ever had for a conference title. Unfortunately, Victoria was too strong. “We wanted to win the Canda West championship, but Victoria, who placed second in [Canadian
Michel Arnautovich
Caitlin Warkentin, green, sneaks past her competitors. Interuniversity Sport], had an amazing year as well,” said Souter. The championship, which also doubles for the national competition, sees all university runners from throughout Canada compete together. After the race, their times are ranked both nationally and by conference. Souter crossed the line at 13th in Canada while Warkentin finished in 16th. The Huskies were fourth, nationally, as a team. “We couldn’t have asked for a better result. We were four points off a CIS team medal,” said Souter. “Our team went into the CIS championship with a goal of top five. Getting fourth and only being four points off of third in the CIS is fantastic.” Souter, who was named a CIS second team all-Canadian and a Canada West first team all-star, was one of four Huskies to grab all-star mentions. Warkentin and Marcia Richards, who claimed seventh in the
Canada West Standings Men’s basketball Standings
East
1. Alberta 2. Lethbridge 3. Calgary 4. Saskatchewan 5. Brandon 6. Manitoba 7. Winnipeg 8. Regina
3-1 3-1 2-2 1-2 1-3 1-3 1-3 0-3
4-0 4-0 3-0 2-2 2-2 1-3 0-4 0-3
4-0 2-0 3-1 2-2 2-2 0-2
2-2 2-2 2-2 2-2 1-1 0-2
1. TWU 2. Victoria 3. TRU 4. UFV 5. UBC 6. UBC Okanagan
League Leaders
League Leaders GP 2 2 2
Rebounds 1. Jordan Baker - AB 2. Justin King - TRU T3. Derek Waldner - LETH
GP 2 2 2
Assists 1. Jamelle Barrett - SASK 2. Zac Andrus - UVIC Chas Kok - TRU
GP 1 2 2
Steals 1. K. Sansregret - MAN Jordan Baker - AB T3. Braedon Speer - MAN
GP 2 2 2
Blocked Shots 1. Kyle Coston - TWU D. Coward - LETH Paul Gareau - REG
GP 2 2 1
FG 20 20 15
3FG 1 3 6
FT 11 8 11
Points 52 51 47
Scoring 1. Diane Schuetze - TRU 2. Michelle Clark - REG 3. Joanna Zalesiak - REG
GP 2 1 1
FG 10 6 8
Rebounds 1. Diane Schuetze - TRU 2. Natalie Nichols - LETH 3. Nicole Wierks - UFV
GP 2 2 2
Assists 1. Jenna Kaye - CGY 2. Joanna Zalesiak - REG T3. Megan Lang - CGY
GP 2 1 2
No. 7 7 6
Steals 1. Katie Miyazaki - SASK 2. Nicole Wierks - UFV 3. Danielle Schmidt - REG
GP 1 2 1
No. 6 11 5
No. 4 4 2
Blocked Shots 1. Andria Carlyon - AB S. Kleysen - WPG Katie Miyazaki - SASK
GP 2 2 1
No. 4 4 2
Off. 12 6 4 No. 8 10 10
Def. 21 20 16
Total 33 26 20
Off. 9 14 10 No. 15 7 11
Standings 1. UBC 2. Alberta 3. Winnipeg 4. Manitoba 5. TRU 6. TWU 7. Calgary 8. Brandon 9. UBC Okanagan 10. Regina 11. Saskatchewan
3FG 2 4 3 Def. 20 11 13
FT 22 5 1
Points 44 21 20 Total 29 25 23
Blocks 1. Mariah Bruinsma - UBC 2. A. Keeping - UBC 3. Melanie Miazga - CGY
GP 10 10 16
Solo 0 0 2
Ast. 21 19 21
Kills 1. Krista Zubick - AB 2. Kristi Hunter - MAN Amy Leschied - TWU
GP 6 14 7
No. 25 52 26
Avg. 4.17 3.71 3.71
Digs
GP 6 15 16
No. 37 62 66
Avg. 6.17 4.13 4.12
1. Erin Walsh - AB 2. T. A-Wasylik - WPG 3. Sarah Moncks - CGY
Total 21.0 19.0 23.0
Men’s volleyball Standings 1. Manitoba 2. Alberta 3. TWU 4. UBC 5. Calgary 6. Regina 7. UBC Okanagan 8. Brandon 9. Saskatchewan 10. TRU 11. Winnipeg
6-0 4-0 4-0 3-1 3-3 3-3 3-3 1-5 1-5 1-5 1-5
Men’s volleyball
Men’s hockey Plus/Minus
League Leaders
4-0 4-0 5-1 4-2 3-3 2-2 2-4 2-4 2-4 2-4 0-6
League Leaders
West
1. Victoria 2. UBC 3. UFV 4. TRU 5. TWU 6. UBC Okanagan
Scoring 1. Justin King - TRU 2. Jordan Baker - AB 3. Kyle Coston - TWU
East
1. Alberta 2. Calgary 3. Regina 4. Winnipeg 5. Lethbridge 6. Manitoba 7. Brandon 8. Saskatchewan
West
WOMen’s volleyball
woMen’s basketball Standings
conference, won first team Canada West honours. Leia Fedyk, who finished 11th, was named a conference second team all-star. On the men’s side, the Huskies finished sixth in the Canada West and 14th nationally. Samir Marin had the best time of all the Dogs in the tenkilometre run. His 33:58.2 was 42nd in Canada but earned him a Canada West second team all-star mention because it was 11th in the conference. No other Huskies male athlete was given the all-star nod.
WINNIPEG (CUP) — If you turned on the TV or read the newspaper from Oct. 14 to 30, you would have been hard pressed to find signs of the XVI Pan American Games’ existence. This year’s games, which were held in Guadalajara, Mexico, were the last high-profile event for Canadian athletes before next year’s Summer Olympics in London. Canada sent 794 athletes, coaches and support staff to the competition. Unfortunately, many papers in Canada reduced the Pan Am Games to single articles about Canadian medal winners from the previous day and completely ignored some of the great stories involving our nation’s athletes. Stories such as the women’s 4x100-metre relay swim team wearing Mexican wrestler masks before their silver-medal winning race or Dylan Armstrong, the world’s leading shot putter, defending his Pan Am title with an event record throw were ignored by the media. There was nothing significant written about Winnipeg diver Kevin Geyson returning to the water after being hit by a car this past summer or the women’s soccer team winning gold in its first major event since a disastrous World Cup last summer. The men’s baseball team also won its first-ever Pan Am Games gold medal. With baseball now excluded from the Olympics, pitcher Scott Richmond stated, “This is our Olympics.” Their accomplishment should have been
celebrated by Canadians, instead of being relegated to the sports briefs. Even coverage of the games on television or articles discussing Guadalajara’s performance as the host city were lacking. However, there may have been a few reasons for the lack of coverage. The Pan Am Games don’t usually attract the best athletes. Canada often sends developmental teams to the event, including this year. Media may also have been wary of travelling to Guadalajara, one of the centres of Mexico’s drug war. This lack of media attention, of course, is unfortunate because the event could have been the starting point of Canadian Olympic success stories in the future. For instance, Canada and Argentina played for a direct Olympic berth and a gold medal in men’s field hockey — and this year, Argentina won. Athletes can also claim Olympic berths by meeting qualifying standards in sports such as track and field and swimming or they can simply use the games to gain international experience. Out of the 18 Canadian medals at the 2008 Summer Olympics, 10 were won by athletes with previous Pan Am medals. Therefore, success at this event could translate to Olympic success either next year in London or in 2016 in Rio. While many Canadian sports fans may have missed out on this year’s event, the next Pan American Games will be hosted by Toronto in 2015. Hopefully the Canadian media will be more aware of its existence.
Jordan Hickmott - AB
GP 12 10 12
Total +14 +10 +10
Penalty Minutes 1. Chad Erb - MAN 2. John Sonntag - REG 3. Dane Crowley - MAN
GP 10 8 10
Total 63 42 42
1. Sean Ringrose - AB
Blocks 1. Brett Uniat - UBCO 2. Tristan Aubry - AB 3. Joseph Brooks - MAN
GP 15 7 16
Solo 6 2 4
Ast. 20 9 21
Kills 1. Dane Pischke - MAN 2. Steven Marshall - TWU 3. Nate Speijer - UBCO
GP 16 8 15
No. 77 37 68
Avg. 4.81 4.62 4.53
Digs 1. Ian Perry - UBC 2. S. Waldie - WPG 3. Derek Nieroda - MAN
GP 14 16 16
No. 51 52 45
Avg. 3.64 3.25 2.81
Total 26.0 11.0 25.0
Men’s hockey Standings
League Leaders Points 1. Kyle Bortis - SASK Derek Hulak - SASK Sean Ringrose - AB
GP 10 10 12
Goals 5 4 8
Goals 1. Sean Ringrose - AB Blair Macaulay - MAN Matt Strueby - REG
GP 12 10 10
No. 8 7 7
Assists 1. Derek Hulak - SASK 2. Kyle Bortis - SASK 3. J. Schappert - MAN
GP 10 10 10
No. 11 10 9
Ast. 10 11 7
WoMen’s Hockey Standings 1. Lethbridge 2. Calgary 3. Alberta 4. Saskatchewan 5. Manitoba 6. Regina 7. UBC
7-3-0 7-1-0 4-1-5 5-3-0 3-3-2 3-5-0 1-5-2
League Leaders
8-2-2 7-1-1 7-5-0 6-2-2 4-4-2 3-6-1 2-8-1
1. Alberta 2. Saskatchewan 3. Calgary 4. Manitoba 5. UBC 6. Regina 7. Lethbridge
2. Derek Hulak - SASK
Totals 15 15 15
Points 1. Elana Lovell - CGY 2. Iya Gavrilova - CGY 3. Julie Paetsch - SASK
GP 8 8 8
Goals 9 7 1
Goals 1. Elana Lovell - CGY 2. Iya Gavrilova - CGY T3. Sadie Lenstra - LETH
GP 8 8 10
No. 9 7 5
Assists
T3. Elana Lovell - CGY
GP 8 8 8
No. 9 6 5
Plus/Minus 1. Iya Gavrilova - CGY Elana Lovell - CGY S. Ramsay - CGY
GP 8 8 8
Total +11 +11 +11
Penalty Minutes 1. N. Brown-John - UBC 2. Nicole Pratt - AB 3. H. Wickenheiser - CGY
GP 8 10 2
Total 34 28 24
1. Julie Paetsch - SASK 2. S. Ramsay - CGY
Ast. 5 4 9
Totals 14 11 10
10•Arts
thesheaf.com/arts • the sheaf • November 17, 2011
Amadeus is a dark and rhythmic tribute to genius Greystone Theatre puts on semi-biopic of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart BLAIR WOYNARSKI The man, the myth, the legend — who was Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart? The newly arrived production of Amadeus may not provide exact historical accuracy, but it does provide a sizzling spectacle of classic elegance and bloodthirsty rivalry. This fall, Greystone Theatre is putting on the Peter Shaffer play that delves into the mystery of the genius who changed history. Amadeus is told from the perspective of Viennese court composer Antonio Salieri. It begins in the early 19th century, with Salieri wasting away in his autumn years, his distinguished career long behind him. Then it flashes back to the 1780s, when he first encounters Mozart, the wild-eyed musical prodigy who storms into Vienna, displaying outlandish humour and unrestrained behaviour. Mozart finds some difficulty trying to make a lasting impression on society and runs afoul of some members of government for his disregard of convention. Salieri forms an uneasy relationship with him, coloured by bitter jealousy for the younger composer’s talent. He makes it his mission to discredit and disgrace Mozart as a composer, and eventually murders him. (But not really. Well, maybe — it’s a mystery.) The play unfolds in a dark and rhythmic manner, moving through swells and crescendos similar to a musical composition itself. Sections of the drama convey information through two characters, the Venticelli — Viennese gossip-mongers — who exchange brief snippets of dialogue
Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart (Paul Herrem) and Antonio Salieri (Jacob Yaworski). like gunfire in very rhythmic and percussive scenes. Playwright Peter Shaffer “has such a deep knowledge of rhythm and structure of music,” said director Julia Jamison. Jamison, an acting and voice instructor within the drama department, has been looking forward to this production for some time. This season, she felt the moment was finally right, and assembled a promising cast. Amadeus is a weighty and extensive
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is angry with God for bestowing musical genius on the undisciplined Mozart rather than himself. The unfolding conflict dives into the disappointment of personal failure, the clash of genius and mediocrity, and the destructive force of scandal and gossip. Amadeus is a play of rises and falls. It achieves the height of grandiosity on equal measure as it achieves cold, bitter loneliness. It weaves clever humour around disturbing drama. And all the while, it is supported by a sweeping, epic score that encompasses the brief and tragic life of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. “It makes us think about all the geniuses right now that we aren’t recognizing,” said Jamison.
Amadeus plays at 8 p.m. Nov. 17-19 and 21-26 at the Greystone Theatre. Tickets cost $14 for students and are available at the Greystone Box Office.
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production, with as many as 20 actors onstage at a time. The set is constructed in a grand Baroque style, with varying levels and a piano dominating one corner of the stage. It makes use of multimedia, with projections being used as a significant part of the visuals. But it is also kept open and fluid enough to allow for the dozens of scene changes, when it may swell to a huge crowd scene or retract into an intimate confrontation. “The play is full of secrets,” says Jamison. Throughout the five-week rehearsal process, the cast and crew have explored new aspects of the multifaceted play and had to overcome the complications of complex character relationships and rapid scene shifts. But Jamison says one thing that brought the production together was the quiet awe they experienced over the music. “Sound is an essential character,” she said. The drama is a mix of fact and fiction, but it draws from the historical figures. Mozart’s ribald sense of humour and easy living ruffle the conservative feathers of Salieri, and their protracted rivalry forms the basis of the play’s action. But, as Jamison points out, the real battle is more cosmic — Salieri
Raisa Pezderic/Photo Editor
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Editor’s Pick of the Week Jill Barber Nov. 18 at the Broadway Theatre Jill Barber brings new meaning to the word chanteuse. The Canadian singer started out as an indie-folk singer-songwriter, winning awards for her albums Oh Heart (2004) and For All Time (2006) before transforming into Canada’s premiere jazz singer with an unforgettable contralto voice on her 2008 record Chances. Echoing the best female jazz singers of the past, Billie Holiday, Edith Piaf and Ella Fitzgerald, Barber explores life and love in passionate songs that seep with sentiment but never delve into sentimentality. Her music taps into the nostalgia of a bygone era of midnight soirées and extravagant lounges, when you could sip a champagne cocktail dressed to the frills in evening wear and enjoy the casual musical atmosphere of Paris or New York. Her latest album, Mischievous Moon, expands upon Chances, with her voice soaring to new heights and her lyrics digging deeper into an exploration of love. Barber’s
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confidence in her new musical terrain is on full display here. Jill Barber has visited Saskatoon before and most will likely do so again, but on a cold November night when people are overwhelmed by term papers and the prospect of finals on the horizon, students should take a few hours to escape to the Broadway Theatre and experience a touch of a magical, carefree past, transported by Barber’s delicate voice.
Arts
November 17, 2011 • the sheaf • thesheaf.com/arts
Lights burns up Siberia
•11
Canadian pop artist talks about her icy new record and latest tour MEGAN NARSING The Carillon (University of Regina) Her music might consistently burn up Canada’s radio charts, but Lights herself doesn’t shy away from how icy the music on her new record Siberia is. It’s named after one of the coldest places on Earth, after all. “It felt like Siberia,” the 24-year-old Canadian singersongwriter explained. “It’s cold and scary and so vast but still exciting and beautiful and so mysterious. ... I make the music I want to hear that I can’t find out there.” And that’s exactly what she did on Siberia, which came about from a jam session with Toronto-based instrumental electronica act Holy Fuck. They just played around, tested the waters and from those sessions — and Lights’ self-taught approach to playing music — came the sound she’ll be touring this winter. Born Valerie Anne Poxleitner, she learned to play instruments from her father, picking up a guitar at age 11 and building upon it by learning to play piano and bass. Although she legally changed her name to Lights shortly after moving to Toronto in the mid-2000s and shortly before being discovered by CBC radio host Jian Ghomeshi, she hasn’t changed her exploratory approach to writing songs. “I’m playing chords I already know and adding notes onto them and I’m sure there are technical words and names for these chords but I don’t know them,” Lights said. “I just know how they sound and how they make me feel.” Collaborating with Holy Fuck was part of her effort to expand her sound in the two years since the release of her full-length debut The Listening. Since that record came out, Lights has been a pop radio mainstay in Canada — and it has changed the way she thinks about her music. “Things have evolved in the past couple years and things are going to come out differently,” she said. “Are people going to like it? And then going into shock from the extremely positive reaction to the record and especially when
that are hard to explain and finding ways to say them. “Whether it’s something I’m going through like ‘Cactus in the Valley,’ [it’s] basically just a feeling of relief getting something out that I needed to say,” she said. “These cool visuals and things let me talk about what I’m feeling. It’s a little bit obscure, but you’re chasing after a vision and the song comes out after it.” That chase has led Lights not only to collaborate with Holy Fuck and Toronto rapper Shad but also to incorporate contemporary sounds like dubstep. She didn’t want to create something that the masses would necessarily enjoy, but something she would like to listen to. “The audiences are pretty broad at a show,” Lights said. “You get young people. You get older people. You get people in the middle. Couples, moms, dads. I don’t know, it’s just cool. It’s really cool. Because I don’t just write for a specific demographic. How can I appeal to these ages?” This being her first Canadian tour for the album, she has high expectations for the Canadian fan base. Having just wrapped up her American tour, she says that the fans down there are great, but the welcome from her own country is always much more powerful. “I can’t wait to come to Saskatchewan and play the new songs,” she said. “I hope people are enjoying it and I hope people can enjoy it even more live because they’re really fun to play.”
Tony Felgueiras/Flickr
Lights stretches out the old mouth muscles.
it’s live. People get really into it, singing along. People know the new stuff as well as they love the new stuff. It’s amazing.” Part of what makes audiences connect so strongly to her music is her lyrics. Lights writes what she feels, taking things
Lights plays the Odeon Events Centre on Nov. 19.
Don’t Forget to Submit Your Health & Dental Claims from Last Year
Important notice for students who were enrolled in their student Health and/or Dental Plan in 2010-2011 DEADLINE FOR SUBMITTING CLAIMS FROM LAST YEAR (for students covered in 2010-2011) All health and/or dental claims incurred on or before August 31, 2011 (for the 2010-2011 policy year) must be received by the insurance company (Sun Life) by November 29, 2011. In order to ensure that your claims are transferred by the deadline, they must be dropped off at the Health & Dental Plan Office (Place Riel, Main Level, Room 121) no later than Thursday, November 24, 2011. If you’re mailing claims directly to the insurance company, please leave adequate time for delivery. The address for Sun Life is recorded on the back of all claim forms. Claims received after the deadline will not be reimbursed. Claim forms are available at www.ihaveaplan.ca or call the Member Services Centre at 1 877 795-4428 from 9 am to 5 pm on weekdays.
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GSA Have a smart phone with a QR code reader? Scan the appropriate box to be directed your Plan’s website.
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12• arts
thesheaf.com/arts • the Sheaf • November 17, 2011
Chad VanGaalen, king of Diaper Island Talking hobo music and the imminent zombie apocalypse ALEX WERENKA The prospect of interviewing Chad VanGaalen, a reputed recluse, was quite daunting. The first question was simple: the proper pronunciation of his last name. Is it “Van-gay-len” or “Van-gahl-en”? “You can pronounce it however you want,” VanGaalen said over the phone from Calgary. The interview started off with ease, and I could tell by the background noises emanating from the VanGaalen house that the singer was in fact living on a diaper island. He was holding his younger daughter while chatting with me on the phone, frequently distracted by the threeyear–old’s interruptions. (“That’s a duck. It’s a duck.”) We chatted about his most recent album, Diaper Island, self-described as a “rock album,” and about having to finish his current tour across Canada after feeling like it’s already officially ended — he tries not to think about the last few concerts. Many of his fans know that he doesn’t care for touring. He finds it boring and dislikes being away from his girlfriend and his young daughters who are “the sweetest kids in the world.” When on tour, VanGaalen doesn’t believe in “bad concert etiquette,” but feels uncomfortable when the audience is sitting (especially since half of the set for this tour is punk rock) and prefers when fans are well sauced, or “weebly,” as he put it. Even heckling is OK since VanGaalen started out as a busker and loved the interaction with audiences that busking allowed. Though he misses busking “every single day,” he would probably not return to busking as he recognizes that people who busk are doing it for a reason. “It’s the code, man! The busking code” that if
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Chad VanGaalen before he shaved his head. you have a nice “nest egg,” you don’t busk. VanGaalen is trained in lithography and printmaking, and is as artistically creative as he is musically creative. Sounds emanating from VanGaalen’s records often come from instruments he engineered or invented, sounds he calls “pretty hobo,” although fans tend to think of them as works of genius. His most challenging musical invention to date is the acoustic drum sound featured on “City of Electric Light” from the album Soft Airplane, creating a “weird, herky-jerky drumbeat.” VanGaalen loves making music videos, which he animates himself. Oftentimes, the video takes on a life of its own with its own meaning and purpose apart from the song. This is what happened with the video for “Peace On the Rise” from Diaper Island. VanGaalen
encosion/Flickr
explained the video in detail. “The story of the video is based on a longer story about these space tourists that have an empathy machine. They just travel around to different planets sucking up creatures and then absorbing their life force entirely. So they become these organisms, and then they get addicted to this weird sort of tourism and they start losing their own minds in the process. So really they’re just hunting for this Jehbed Trusser, which feeds off these little sort of crustacean things and once you find the bird you can find these little insects.” The video is psychedelic and strange, looking like a cross between a child’s pastel drawing and an Internet flash animation. The song’s story is quite different from the video’s, explained VanGaalen: “Sonically I was just trying to make something that maybe you
could listen to if you had a migraine. But that was still guitar based. Thematically I was just thinking about stuff that made me feel awesome in my life.” VanGaalen’s videos are a treat unto themselves, though you might trip balls if watching them while stoned. Another activity that’s better when stoned, in VanGaalen’s opinion, would be a zombie apocalypse. For that, VanGaalen would just drop a “shitload of acid” and get friends to come to his studio “because it’s already zombieproofed.” He even has a crossbow. VanGaalen was strangely adamant about his zombie apocalypse talk. His garage is fully zombie-proofed and he has plenty of food and water in the basement. He rebuked my plan to hole up in Costco since everyone would go there, and someone is sure to have already been bitten by the time others arrive. Instead, he told me to get a samurai sword, a machete, a crossbow and a pistol — for a last-ditch effort to stave off death. The trick, explained VanGaalen, is to have quiet weapons; you have to be silent and take the zombies out. With no foreseeable need to turn to Chad VanGaalen for his zombie-proof house, I recommend going to see him perform at the Roxy Theatre on Nov. 17. Come a little bit “weebly,” stand up and rock out. He would actually prefer it if you get sauced and provide feedback that he’s putting on a good show.
Chad VanGaalen plays the Roxy Theatre with No Gold on Nov. 17.
A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas Third film in stoner comedy trilogy is 3D madness ERIN HIEBERT
Like many movie franchises before them, Harold and Kumar have gone on holiday with their new movie A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas. This third entry in the franchise is a clear departure from last two films. The most obvious departure is the 3D, but luckily most of the 3D gags take place early in the film. Whereas the first two films take place within mere days of each other, this one occurs a few years in the future and (horror of horrors!) Harold and Kumar are no longer friends. Harold is married, works on Wall Street and lives out in the suburbs where his main holiday stress is procuring his father-in-law’s acceptance. Kumar lives in the pair’s old apartment. He has no job, no girlfriend and depends on his beloved herb to get by. They are reunited when a mysterious package comes for Harold at the apartment and Kumar has to drop it off. The package contains the biggest blunt you will ever see and burns down Harold’s father-in-law’s prize Christmas tree. This sets the two friends off on a madcap adventure with their two new counterparts, Todd and Adrian, played by Thomas Lennon and Amir Blumenfeld. Todd, Adrian and Todd’s baby are forced together when they encounter Russian mobsters and Harold and Kumar set off in search of a new Christmas tree. The baby provides a nice subplot and is clearly the coolest character in the movie, when, on her first night out, she does three different drugs and singlehandedly takes on a mob boss.
Who wouldn’t want to find NPH in their stocking on Christmas? The entire gang is back together with the notable exception of the giant bag of weed, something that I sorely missed. But Neil Patrick Harris is back and, in one of the funniest parts of the movie, masquerades as a gay man so he can meet more women. Although Harris died in the last film, he was kicked out of heaven for receiving manual stimulation in Jesus’ nightclub, getting him sent back to Earth. Besides their two new friends and the baby, Danny Trejo gives a chilling performance as Harold’s father-in-law. Perhaps the film’s best newcomer is a waffle-bot, a waffle-making robot Neil gives to Kumar. Waffle-bot and Kumar fall in love as they both think “pancakes are gay” and the robot ends up
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being the real hero, saving Harold and Kumar’s lives. Harold and Kumar learn life lessons and discover the meaning of Christmas in the standard and predictable Christmas way. Despite the cliché ending, they get there in the most interesting ways. There are plenty of the old gags and new ones to satisfy even the most discerning of fans. You will laugh, you will groan and you will consider giving young children ecstasy. It is a hilarious and satisfying third film to round out the trilogy — definitely a must-see. As an added bonus, it’s basically a nudity free-for-all, complete with Harold getting his penis stuck to a metal pole. What’s not to like?
arts
November 17, 2011 • the sheaf • thesheaf.com/arts
•13
Dutch festival provides CanCon abroad Organizers of the fast-growing Le Guess Who? inspired by Canadian sound CHANTAL STEHWIEN UTRECHT, Netherlands — Six years before #whothefuckisarcadefire trended on Twitter, music fans in the Netherlands were asking an equally pressing question: Le Guess Who? The answer has nothing to do with Bachman, Cummings and crew. It’s the name of a fresh and dynamic music festival, held annually in the city of Utrecht. Music lovers have a wide range of choices when it comes to festivals, but Le Guess Who? is a unique event. Of particular note is that in its early years, it focused on Canadian artists. It’s undeniable: “Canadian Indie” has come into its own over the past decade. But it has not just been a national phenomenon.
“
Le Guess Who? is not the sort of weekend when one wears rubber boots and watches big name pop acts projected on a big screen.
In the Netherlands, Canada’s auditory exports caught the attention of two music aficionados working in the industry — Bob van Heur and Johan Gijsen. They heard what Gijsen calls a “big sound” coming from the Great White North and wanted to share it with a wider audience. In 2007, Le Guess Who? was born. The line-up read like a who’s who of CBC Radio 3: MSTRKRFT, Caribou, Black Mountain and Hot Hot Heat were among the 11 acts brought over for the inaugural festival. It was a resounding success. Le Guess Who? nearly doubled in size by 2008, trebled in 2009, and continues to grow at a steady clip. This year’s festival will see more than 80 bands performing over four days, from Nov. 24 to 27. Naturally, the festival has had to undergo some changes. Importing 80 Canadian bands to the Netherlands each year is simply unfeasible, and thus the geographic theme has been dropped. But Le Guess Who? has not foregone its original ethos. Organizers still seek out avant garde and intriguing bands, now with a world-wide scope. The Canadian
Braids wander through some sort of post-apocalyptic urban wasteland. contingent is still strong — Braids, Pink Mountaintops, Snailhouse and Socalled are all on the 2011 roster — but the shift in focus might give some of the more patriotic music fans cause for concern. Canada’s independent music has been in top form for the past decade, but is its heyday (or rather “eh-day”) over? Have Harper’s arts funding cuts quashed that token Canuck creativity? Not at all. Anyone attuned to pop culture knows who the fuck Arcade Fire is; local Saskatoon boys, The Sheepdogs, just made the cover of Rolling Stone magazine; heck, the “Montreal Music Scene” even has its own Wikipedia page. Canadian music is clearly still growing. And van Heur, having just returned from a quick stint in La Belle Province, can vouch. “There’s music going on on every corner,” he says of Montreal. According to van Heur, there is more collaboration than competition among artists. It creates more of a community feeling that is, in turn, more conducive to experimentation. This atmosphere was what originally attracted him and Gijsen, and it’s what they try to emulate with Le Guess Who? The resulting camaraderie is what makes it stand out among the many music festivals held across Europe. As a festival-going nation, the Netherlands is on par with the U.K.,
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and the Dutch, dare I say, are a discerning bunch. Despite competing against countless other festivals, Le Guess Who? continues to grow precisely because it offers attendees an alternative experience. It is not the sort of weekend when one wears rubber boots and watches big-name pop acts projected on a big screen. It’s indoors and intimate, and intentionally so. The aim is to “try to create this family base,” van Heur explained, “because [if] backstage the vibe is good, the show will be better, the audience will enjoy it more.” When booking bands, he and Gijsen don’t simply seek out bands based on popularity. Van Heur describes the process as a sort of curation; they try to cater to what other artists might respond to, so as to capture “that family kind of feeling.” They look for artists who would complement each other musically, as well as personally. This matchmaking shows in the 2011 line-up. Bill Callahan, Low and Pinback will headline for a night of classic lo-fi; and another, featuring Panda Bear, Akron/Family and Gang Gang Dance will be frenetic and energetic. The evening featuring The Besnard Lakes, Suuns, Forest Fire and Okkervil River has an obvious but entirely unintentional theme: the great outdoors. Those who can’t zip across the ocean on
Vincent Moon/Flickr
such short notice can rest assured, as Le Guess Who? is an annual event. And its growth seems inevitable. With more than 50 per cent of ticket-buyers coming from outside of the host city, Le Guess Who? is quickly becoming a destination festival. It’s the place to be to see both established and up-andcoming artists — artists hand-picked for having that engaging je nes sais quoi, which Canadian concert-goers should recognize. Organizers will keep the festival’s format open, hoping that it evolves, as it has, in an organic way. Regardless of the shape it takes, its essence will remain the same. Van Heur wants Le Guess Who? to be “a creative space for artists with a like-minded vision to come to Utrecht to make music, play music for the audience and make art.” It looks to be the freshest, most sonically stimulating festival in the Netherlands — and even non-nationalists should feel a pinch of pride that it has a Canadian connection. As per the name, that won’t change. Question mark and all, Le Guess Who? will continue to pay homage to the festival’s roots. “It’s not just the title,” van Heur says. “It’s a question we ask.” And of course, ever considerate of Canada’s language laws, they do so in both French and English.
14• Comics
thesheaf.com• the Sheaf • November 17, 2011
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Misc
November 17, 2011 • the sheaf • thesheaf.com
CAMPUS CHAT
•15
What is your dream job?
“Travel writer.”
“Selling illicit drugs.”
“Disney princess.”
“Trophy wife.”
Travis Homenuk
John Deboice
Faye Anderson
Alex Werenka
Fake News of the Week School spirit drops to all-time low at Lincoln High
According to a recent Gallup poll, school spirit has reached “an all-time low” at Lincoln High in Grand Rapids, Mich. Lincoln High — famous for its well-attended “Crazy Hat-Days” and moderately enthusiastic pep-rallies — has fallen on hard times. “I used to be all like, rah-rah, go team!” said head cheerleader Tina Laurens. “Then it struck me: total allegiance to a school football team is ill-founded. Just because our players live in close geographic proximity to me, that hardly justifies me getting all fanatical. I mean, it’s just a
game, right?” Guidance Counsellor Gord Hardass says he has witnessed the low morale first hand. “This last quarter saw the lowest growth in bake sale earnings ever! Key investors like the Lincoln Canoe Club and Lincoln’s Anime Association have grown fearful these bake sales are not the lucrative investment opportunities they once were.” The school’s administration says it’s responding with a new, more draconian system of spiritenforcement. According to a school-wide memo, “Crazy Hat Day will now be mandatory. Hats not deemed crazy enough will result in suspension or
expulsion (depending on how much craziness the hat lacks). Also, students will have to attend pep rallies and, significantly, must pretend they care.”
Debate over whose life is harder grips nation
What began as a friendly discussion before a 100-level psychology class has exploded into a national event. Next Tuesday, CBC, CTV and Global television will all simultaneously broadcast a debate between Jenny Olson and Hank Johnson as they battle to prove they “work harder and deal with more shit” than their opponent.
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According to classmate Sally Stanky, it all began when Olson sat down in class, exclaiming “Fuck my life. I work three jobs, take seven classes. I didn’t even sleep last night.” “I wish I had it that good,” Johnson smugly replied. “My dog just died and I caught meningitis. It’s just my luck, you know?” What ensued in the following days was a furious battle of oneupsmanship. “I don’t even eat or shower anymore because I’m just a sad, broke student,” said an emaciated, foul-smelling Olson last week. Meanwhile, afraid that his life might appear easy, Johnson took a night job cleaning toilets. “How did I stay awake you ask? Cocaine — and lots of it!”
a highly-excitable Johnson told reporters last Sunday. Event organizers say the debate winner will receive $50,000 as well as the right to brag about “having a life so much harder than yours, you wouldn’t even know.” Organizers plan to hold the debate Saturday night at Toronto’s Royal Thomson Hall. “So come out, have a good time, and support this worthy cause.”* *The African famine benefit originally planned in this venue has been cancelled to make way for the debate.
16•
thesheaf.com/arts • the Sheaf • November 17, 2011