The Silhouette - March 7, 2013 by The Silhouette

TEDx takes centre stage at Innovation Park

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Insid D TH E BE eOu t ’ s trave ND a l sur irport, c vival a guid r and e B1

McMASTER UNIVERSITY’S STUDENT NEWSPAPER

THURSDAY, MARCH 7, 2013 VOL. 83 NO. 24

What a welcome costs

INDEX

Thread Count pays tribute to Dick Day Psychology professor Richard Day shows off his timeless style. Thread Count, B2.

JESSIE LU / ASSISTANT PHOTO EDITOR

The financial details of Welcome Week have become available, giving students a breakdown of how each first-year’s $110 from the levy was spent Julia Redmond Assistant News Editor

WELCOME WEEK EXPENDITURE

An intricate look into the reasons why sex shouldn’t carry with it the implications of hiding your true self, physically. Feeling, B6.

To meet the high costs of Welcome Week planning and organization, faculties had to combine faculty society contributions, fundraising and sponsorships As reported to the Welcome Week review subcommittee

$17,650

$3,284

$33,421

$4,934

$18,015

$19,804

ANDY Short Story Competition Winners!

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Campbell noted that there was some chance a “few dollars here and there” might be shifted from one division to another, but that the total value of the levy would stay consistent, potentially being indexed to CPI. Although the breakdown was good, Campbell and Robinson

$13,037

MacPass Contribution ($11 per student)

$56,981

Other Contributions

$757

In the midst of second semester, summer might be the furthest thing from students’ minds. But the MSU and its partners are looking even further ahead: to Welcome Week. As faculty societies begin to gear up for another year of planning for the incoming firstyears, the Student Success Centre (SSC) and the MSU, as part of the Welcome Week Review subcommittee of the Student Services Committee, have just compiled their financial report from Welcome Week 2012. The report comes in the wake of last year’s changes to orientation fees. In the past, incoming first-years had to register and pay for a MacPass, allowing them entry for the week’s events; they no longer have to, and are instead automatically charged fees. In a campaign led by thenMSU president Matt DillonLeitch, the 2012 annual general assembly met its quorum of three per cent of the student body

for the first time in 17 years. Because it had the required 601 students, all votes passed were binding. And the students chose to implement the $110 mandatory fee for Welcome Week for new first-years. The aim was to create a system with a widely bought but reasonably priced pass in order to have a “bigger and better” Welcome Week. But despite the ample cash and months for all of the parties to report back, the finances remain unclear. “This is our first year of developing what this consolidated financial report is,” explained Gina Robinson, Assistant Dean of Student Affairs and Director of the Student Success Centre. But David Campbell, MSU VP (Administration), added that of the current breakdown, “we didn’t find any drastic areas that are way off.” The $110 spent by each student is split between the MSU, the Student Success Centre, offcampus/residence life, swag and miscellaneous merchandise, and the nine different faculties.

Being naked should be liberating, shame-free

explained that the reports sent to them from the faculty societies were far from consistent. “Some of the statements weren’t really well put together,” said Robinson. “They didn’t always add [up] properly.” NEW, A4

Publisher to drop Mac suit Anqi Shen Online News Editor Edwin Mellen Press has announced in a press release that it will not pursue its libel suit against McMaster University and Dale Askey, a McMaster librarian. EMP launched a $3.5 million lawsuit against the University and Askey in February over a 2010 post on Askey’s personal blog. EMP claimed that the post (still active) contains defamatory statements that slander the publishing company. McMaster was brought into the lawsuit on the grounds that the University refused to demand that Askey take down his blog post. The press release made no specific mention of a separate $1 million lawsuit against Askey launched by Herbert Richardson, founder of EMP. “All I know is what’s in that

press release. I’m awaiting further information before drawing any conclusions or making any comments,” said Askey in an email. On Feb. 19, the Association of Canadian University Presses issued an Open Letter to the Scholarly Community. The letter urged EMP to “withdraw this lawsuit” and found that Dale Askey’s comments “fall well within the range of fair comment.” A petition on Change.org that calls for the end of EMP’s libel lawsuit has gotten more than 3,100 signatures. In the March 1 release sent to the Silhouette, EMP stated: “financial pressure of the social media campaign and press on authors is severe. EMP is a small company. Therefore [it] must choose to focus its resources on its business and serving its authors.”

The University confirmed with its lawyers Monday afternoon that a ‘notice of discontinuance’ was sent by EMP to McMaster’s legal counsel. “We’re pleased by the Press’s decision [not to go through with this case],” said Gord Arbeau, a McMaster spokesperson. ”This is good news for all those across North America who have supported McMaster’s position in defence of academic freedom.” Although EMP says it will no longer pursue the court case, it did not make any apologies for taking legal action in the first place. “EMP remains resolute that all have the right to free speech. Equally, all have the right to take steps, including legal action, to protect their good names and reputation.” As for the second lawsuit against Askey in which McMaster

Read the top entries for the short story contest on the theme of “starting over.” ANDY Magazine, C1-C8.

SRA Elections are in full swing Know who is running in your faculty and get to the polls early next week. SRA, A4.

Two-year anniversary of Japanese earthquake A German filmmaker is coming to Mac to screen a documentary on the horrific fallout of the March 2011 disaster. One Mac alumnus shares his first-hand account of the catastrophe. Tsunami, A3.

University was not named, Arbeau said “that piece is still not clear at this point.” The University is not legally implicated in the second lawsuit against Askey if the suit persists.

Men’s Volleyball to play for third place The Marauders take a chilling loss at Laval and will finish the season off with a third-place bronze medal match against Ottawa this Saturday. Maroon, B7. JESSIE LU / ASSISTANT PHOTO EDITOR

the

PRESIDENT’S PAGE Jeff Wyngaarden VP (Finance)

Huzaifa Saeed VP (Education)

Siobhan Stewart President

David Campbell VP (Administration)

MONEY MATTERS: OSAP AND COSTS OF PSE Huzaifa details the challenges facing students when it comes to paying for their education

Huzaifa Saeed VP (Education) vped@msu.mcmaster.ca ext. 24017

The provincial government in Ontario has helped shape the postsecondary education (PSE) funding model by tying consistent tuition fee increases with increased allocation and availability of financial aid. While there is significant discussion on the issues concerning rising tuition fees and financial aid availability, an important but overlooked factor within this framework is that some students are effectively unable to access the Financial Aid system due to informational issues. The student financial assistance system in Canada is exceedingly complicated with many different sources of funding each with unique eligibility rules and applications. High school students applying to college or university often have little knowledge about the types of student financial assistance that are available to them. By and large,

students do not have enough information to navigate the complex system. Loans are allocated to individuals with the least amount of experience with consumer loans. Despite a lack of a credit history or credit rating of their own, they are asked to make significant decisions and choices about very complicated financial products. Counselling is rare and published information is opaque. And students who opt for loans rarely have a choice about doing so; taking them is usually a last resort when family contributions and work alone do not suffice. In the 2009 Canadian Student Survey, over 75% of students failed a simple seven question quiz on aspects of the student loan system, and over half of upper-year loan recipients still failed the quiz. These informational gaps about financial assistance may be acting as barriers to the post-secondary system for certain students. In the Canadian Post-Secondary Student Financial Survey, only 9% of students thought that they had received enough information about grants, the cost of education and sources of loans. The Ontario University Applicant Survey found less than half of students reported knowledge about the wide variety of financial assistance

programs and scholarships available to them. Consequently, a number of students are unaware of aid that might be available to them. This is the case for the 29% of students who both did not take out loans or grants and were unaware that grants for low-income students were available for non-loan recipients. Furthermore, it seems that many students don’t know what they’re getting into. There is confusion about repayment dates and interest rate accrual, and many will find out that they owe more money than they had expected. For some students, it has shut them out of the government financial aid system altogether. For others, lack of knowledge will make their repayment process more arduous than necessary and could partially be an explanation for the default rates for OSAP. Some of the specific issues the Ontario Undergraduate Student Alliance (OUSA) and the MSU have recently identified are: R5 Students having problems navigating the cumbersome OSAP website R5 OSAP moving online has made it difficult for students to get in person advice R5 A general lack of awareness of all the loans and grants available

Knowledge of the unique eligibility requirements (for example close to 30% of students eligible for the 30% off Tuition Grant haven’t applied as of the March 1st deadline) R5 Lack of a general phone line for OSAP R5 Repayment is full of small print R5 Lack of outreach to parents and students at the highschool level The MSU has recently attempted to address this issue through the SRA University Affairs Committee partnering with the National Student Loans Centre to run multiple OSAP repayment information seminars this year. Furthermore, in our recent Hamilton Post-Secondary Advisory Group meeting with MPP Ted McMeekin this issue was discussed in detail. Minister McMeekin invited us to submit a brief, which he will personally deliver to Minister Duguid of Training, Colleges and Universities. Furthermore, I will be travelling to Ottawa next week to attend an annual conference held by the federal government on financial aid to discuss process and marketing improvements that can be adopted. I welcome any feedback on your experience with student loans so we can relay that story to the Government.

MSU General Assembly set for 16:30 on March 26 in Burridge Gym

Siobhan Stewart President president@msu.mcmaster.ca ext. 23885

General Assembly (GA) is an event that happens every year in which the President must call out to the student body and a gathering is held. It is an important part of the MSU and a process that connects all elements of the organization to you, the people that we represent as students. It is an opportunity for us to meet and collectively discuss initiatives, projects and issues within the MSU that matter to students. GA is a forum by which any MSU member can bring forward any idea and have the assembled group of students vote on it. My favourite element to GA is the conversations that begin at an organizational level. Do you have an idea of way

that we could improve the MSU? Is there something that you think we should be doing a little more or a little less of? Have you been holding on to a good idea for a while now and feel as though you are ready to share it? I would encourage you to submit any ideas you have to the MSU Speaker, Simon GoodingTownsend who can be reached via email at speaker@msu.mcmaster.ca. For those of you who may not have a motion to submit, I still encourage you to attend GA. It is one of the best ways to get involved with the MSU. You are given this opportunity to address and discuss the issues that directly shape our students union. GA is a time, where you can have your voice matter and be part of the conversation. But even more than that, it is an integral part of the democratic process in the MSU, where every student can help to shape the organization. Be sure to come out and make an impact at 4:30 pm March 26th in Burridge Gym.

McMASTER STUDENTS UNION

GENERAL ASSEMBLY BURRIDGE GYM MARCH 26TH | 4:30–6:30PM

Would you like to make a tangible impact on your students union? Submit a motion to GA!

SHOW UP. SPEAK OUT. Contact/submit motions to: MSU Speaker, Simon Gooding-Townsend speaker@msu.mcmaster.ca

GIVE US YOUR THOUGHTS ON YOUR EXPERIENCES WITH TEACHING ASSISTANTS AT McMASTER CHECK OUT THE SURVEY AT

www.msumcmaster.ca/TAsurvey

The President’s Page is sponsored by the McMaster Students Union. It is a space used to communicate with the student body about the projects, goals and agenda of the MSU Board of Directors.

www.msumcmaster.ca

NEWS

News Editors Aissa Boodhoo-Leegsma, Boodhoo-Leegsma Julia Redmond and Anqi Shen Section Meeting Thursdays at 4:30 p.m. Contact news@thesil.ca

Thursday, March 7, 2013

A3 S

Ideas worth sharing

Contagion-themed TEDx conference inspires Mac students

Sam Colbert & Jemma Wolfe Executive Editor & Managing Editor The third annual TEDxMcMasterU conference was held at Innovation Park on March 3. Inspired by the TED.com video lectures, the conference brought together speakers from all corners of the McMaster community. The theme of the day was “Eidemic: Thinking is Contagious,” with “Eidemic” being a combination of the words “eidetic” and “epidemic.” Sixteen speakers talked to 100 students delegates about ideas that can spread like viruses. Some speakers gave talks tailored to the theme. Dr. David Earn’s presentation on mathematical models for the spread of contagions drew examples from records kept of deaths from plague in London, England in the 1660s. Dr. Eric Brown described the stagnation of innovation in antibiotics since the 1960s, and how modern superbugs are becoming dangerously resistant to treatment. But, for the most part, talks were varied. From current students to veteran McMaster professors to local musicians, the presentations only needed to have one thing in common: they needed to be shorter than 20 minutes, and they needed to be interesting. “Our main goal was to have a conference in which we could showcase a bunch of different voices, people of different disciplines and different levels of education,” said Joshua Wiener, one of the curators for this year’s TEDx conference. Wiener was serving in his third and final year on the planning team for the event, having started during planning for the first conference at the Faculty Club in 2010. “We tried to keep the talks under 20 minutes. No one has a class that’s 20 minutes long … They’re not going to be inundated,” added Wiener about the experience of the students in attendance. “We tried to keep the audience on the edge of their seat, to use a cliché. We tried to mix things up.” Several talks clearly achieved

CANADIAN CAMPUS NEWS Ronald Leung Silhouette Staff

Students sceptical on first day of Quebec education summit

YOSEIF HADDAD / SENIOR PHOTO EDITOR

Areej Siddiqui, fourth-year English and Cultural Studies student, encouraged the audience to redefine personal success.

this goal of student engagement, thanks to their particular relevance to student life. Dr. Parmjit Singh, a professor with the Department of Family Medicine, opened the day with his discussion of mindfulness and the art of paying attention – a skill students often struggle with. Singh linked inflated rates of student mental illness with our frenetic, technology-reliant culture. He argued that it is important to slow down and concentrate on the simple moments of everyday life – such as eating – in an effort to reclaim our ever-eroding capability for discipline and thoughtful behaviour. By being mindful of every activity we engage in, Singh believes that we can regain a sense of control in our lives, as well as the ability to observe calmly instead of respond reactively to situations. For students overwhelmed by the crush of frantic schedules, this peaceful attitude could be a helpful one to adopt. Later in the afternoon, fourthyear English and Cultural Studies student Areej Siddiqui delivered another pertinent talk. Her lecture, entitled “Unsettling Success,” explored the flaws of the Western capitalist definition of success. In her statistics-heavy address,

Siddiqui exposed the dark truth behind desirable seven-figure, CEO-level salaries: the system is predicated on raw materials gathered by exploited laborers in developing nations. Siddiqui explained that, if achieving success requires exploiting others to get there, then success – by our current economically narrow standards – is a goal that she rejects. Her talk, which touched on the disparity between perceived values of humanities versus science or engineering degrees and called for the reevaluation of academic hierarchies as well as our whole system of corrupt meritocracy, resonated with the students in attendance. The speaker who concluded the day’s lectures, fourth-year Arts & Science student Sarah Rostom, explored the “Stories We Don’t Tell In Academia.” Her talk criticized how the undergraduate university experience is dampened by the blind pursuit of grades without effectively recognizing, reflecting and commiserating over the failures. In an academic culture where success is the bottom line, Rostom felt it is damaging for professors to not share stories of struggle or for students to feel threatened by imperfection. Rostom called for honest

mentorship in the university communities that recognize that failure and struggle are the natural and necessary elements of the academic journey. With such intense focus on the narrow narrative of achievement in academia, students are dissuaded from exploring fields beyond their immediate comfort zones, which results in a lack of innovation, truncated creativity, and a dissatisfaction with undergraduate student experience. While disappointed that this is the current reality, Rostom was optimistic for a shift in thought both here at McMaster and beyond. In a packed day of talks and activities, it was the sincerity in the knowledge and opinions being offered by a diverse group of speakers like Rostom that resonated with the audience. “Our main goal was to have a conference in which we could showcase a bunch of different voices, people of different disciplines and different levels of education,” said Weiner. The mix of doctoral, student and community speakers attended to this aim. Between musical performances, musings about Sudbury and a critical analysis of First Nations relations, TEDx 2013 made good on its promise to explore ideas worth spreading.

The tsunami, two years later

The quick provincial election of the Parti Québécois (PQ) came after months of student protests against tuition raises last year. The government organized a summit that began on Feb. 25 to discuss contentious educational issues. Though Premier Pauline Marois initially pledged to freeze tuition, Minister of Higher Education Pierre Duchesne said the PQ intend to index tuition at three per cent annually. Despite reasoning that the current freeze on tuition would put Quebec into a crisis, student groups felt cheated and organized peaceful protests.

PEI government blunder leads to breach of student privacy Students who received scholarships, awards, or bursaries from the government of PEI are at risk of a privacy breach. A mechanical error in folding letters left a number of social insurance numbers viewable in the window of the delivery envelope. Releasing a statement on Feb. 25 acknowledging this mistake, the PEI government has yet to disclose the number of affected students, although about 1,600 letters were mailed out. In its statement, the government said it is reviewing existing protocol and repairing the machine to prevent future errors.

Faculty and administration at odds after executive pay raises at SAIT After pay increases for the Southern Alberta Institute of Technology’s three VPs and outgoing president, the institute’s Academic Faculty Association (SAFA) expressed their disapproval. Outgoing president Irene Lewis received a nine per cent raise. SAIT’s three VPs got an increase of 26 per cent in addition to a $58,000 pay-forperformance bonus. The institute expressed earlier this year that SAFA could not afford to give cost-of-living adjustments to faculty due to diminishing school surpluses. The SAFA also expresses concern that tuition may also be negatively impacted.

Budget deficit forces University of Saskatchewan to plan massive layoffs

Sendai Fukushima The Earthquake that struck Japan in 2011 originated 200 km from Sendai, the city in which a Mac alumni was teaching english to japanese junior high school students.

Tokyo

March 2011 Earthquake

ANDREW TEREFENKO / PRODUCTION EDITOR

Andrew Terefenko Production Editor Two years ago, Collin Rusneac was putting up decorations for the impending graduation ceremony of his English students in Higashi Sendai Junior High. That was when the tremors started. The Mac philosophy and religious studies alumnus, fresh off of getting his bachelor’s degree, enrolled in the Japan Exchange and Teaching (JET) Programme and set off for a full year of assisting Japanese teachers in English lessons. “They let us pick where we wanted to get placed, so I chose a place in the countryside, but they placed me instead in Sendai, a really urban area,” said Rusneac.

Sendai, a mere 12 km from the coast, is where Rusneac spent the next few months of his life, all the while learning the language and becoming immersed in Japanese culture. Then on March 11, 2011, Japan encountered a magnitude 9.0 earthquake which shook Collin’s resolve as well the lives of everyone around him. “I looked outside and the ground was open, dirty water was streaming out from the pipes. It was horrifying. Kids around you are screaming and you don’t know what to do,” said Rusneac. Rusneac made note of how overly prepared the Japanese were for earthquake events as they are fairly commonplace, but they did not expect one of this severity.

“When I first came over, they brought in a truck to prepare us [assistant language tutors] for earthquakes. They strapped us into a bunch of chairs and shook us around while telling us what to expect on a big screen. It was sort of fun at the time but looking back now I would never not take it seriously again,” said Rusneac. Higashi (West) Sendai Junior High was a brisk 20-minute bicycle ride away from the farthest landing point of the tsunami that demolished the nearby town of Shiromaki, where Rusneac visited after the event. “The streets were split open, cars were dangling off of trees. It was like something out of movie special effects.”

A month later his students got to attend their long-awaited graduation ceremony as the nation attempted to recover from the catastrophe, while the school continued to serve as an emergency shelter for the injured and homeless. In the few short days following the ceremony the school got caught in one of many aftershocks that caved in the roof of the school, albeit at a time where students were out of term and safe from harm’s way. Filmmaker Tim Graf is screening a documentary about the disaster recovery effort this Thursday, March 7 at 7 p.m. in CNH 104, to shed light on how the struggle is ongoing, even on this second anniversary of the earthquake.

Seventy-five percent of colleges and units of the University of Saskatchewan that have yet to see layoffs can expect to see some jobs go. In earlier months, 50 jobs from 13 colleges and admin units have already been cut. These layoffs come as part of the University’s efforts to combat a growing budget deficit that is projected to surge to $44.5 million by 2016 if no remedial action is taken. The University of Saskatchewan has hired a counselling firm to help newly unemployed workers transition, and has also assembled a task force with student involvement to discuss funding issues.

U of A professor charged with alleged sexual assault of a minor Zhixiang Wang, 51, associate professor in the University of Alberta’s Department of Medical Genetics, has been charged with one count of sexual assault and sexual interference. His wife, Xinmei Chan, 49, is also facing a charge of unlawful confinement of a minor. The offences were allegedly made against a 16-yearold female between November 2009 and May 2010.

A4 NEWS

Thursday, March 7, 2013

SRA campaigining begins Voting for McMaster student assembly representatives will run from March 12-14 in six faculties Sam Colbert Executive Editor Campaigns to be on next year’s Student Representative Assembly of the McMaster Students Union began Wednesday morning. Out of nine academic divisions, six will have elections, with candidates for Business, Kinesiology and Nursing winning seats by acclamation. In the contested divisions, 49 candidates will compete for a total of 25 seats. Business and Kinesiology still have one seat each for which no one is currently running. Campaigning runs from March 6 at 9 a.m. to March 14 at 5 p.m. Online voting will run during the final three days of campaigning. Students can vote only for the election in their own academic division. The one-year term on the Assembly for successful candidates will begin on April 7, the meeting at which the SRA will elect next year’s MSU vice presidents. The candidates listed are below.

Arts & Science (1 seat): Pullen, Naomi Sproule, Alexandra Business (3 seats): Cicchi, Gabriel *acclaimed Long, Jimmy *acclaimed Engineering (6 seats): Abdelrahman, Salah Candemir, Melike Chennabathni, Vikas D’Mello, Ethan Karami, Marjan Mackinnon, Jonathan Mobayed, Saeed Tichenkov, Andrei Van Nood, Adam Yendt, Rory Health Science (2 seats): Ge, Yipeng Harper, Chris Jayasingham, Gabriel Klugsberg, Jacob Humanities (4 seats): Al-Amad, Ahmad Ali, Krystina Gunderman Smith, Rick Leslie, Tiffany

Loewig, Hans Milani, Elise Porano, Daniella Wolwowicz, Jason Kinesiology (2 seats): Collins, Stuart *acclaimed Nursing (1 seat): Palczewski, Kornelia *acclaimed Science (7 seats): Abbas, Anser Amiri, Sasha Brodka, Jacob Daniel, Maria Fahey, Dan Garasia, Sophiya Guarna, Giuliana Morrow, Aaron Narro Perez, Rodrigo Rajabali, Mozafer Rheaume, Alan Singh, Jora Sri Satgunarajah, Sugenja Tuppal, Tejus Social Science (5 seats): D’Angela, Daniel Dicenzo, Kristine Gillis, Eric Godin, Chantal Grover, Chad Karim, Naajiyah Kazmi, Sabeen Ogbaselassie, Rahwa Paul, Tristan Sparrow, Ryan Watts, Devon

New MacPass levy creates “gatekeepers” for faculty finances keepers” for the faculty finances, which are compiled and streamlined by the Office of Student Affairs for the first time this year. “I feel really good about it because that way we can account to the student body exactly,” Robinson said. The MSU and the Student Success Centre, like the faculties, received funds from the guaranteed sale of MacPasses to all first years. The MSU and its divisions of Avtek and Campus Events are responsible for putting on Welcome Week concerts; this year, the performances by the Sheepdogs and Steve Angello cost roughly $40,000 and $50,000 respectively, including production costs, making them some of the biggest concerts Welcome Week has ever seen. Meanwhile, the Student Success Centre offered a range of programming similar to what it has in past years, including $16,000 spent on the Summer reading Program and $10,000 spent on the IRIS theatre production. It also funded the off-campus students’ Sunday night social, spending $7,000 as part of their goal to expand programming for off-campus students.

FROM A1 Each faculty received $11 per student, but most supplemented this basic fee with additional money from their faculty societies. “There were some faculties we had to go back to and ask for a second round of reporting, but there were no major [discrepancies],” Campbell said. “There’s nobody we suspect that egregiously misspent.” He elaborated by saying that the faculties had no real guidelines for determining what constituted a Welcome Week expense. Things like summer rep training or post-Welcome Week rep appreciation create some ambiguity when it comes to budgeting and reporting. And certain expenditures, like last-minute rain locations for faculty day, have resulted in misrepresented budgets and false deficits. With this in mind, the faculty expenditures will be confirmed, said Campbell, but he didn’t expect the differences determined from clearing up ambiguity to amount to a lot of money. Both Robinson and Campbell described their new roles as “gate-

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Thursday, March 7, 2013

Aissa Boodhoo-Leegsma Senior News Editor There’s nothing quite like winning Roll Up the rim. But when you win in the student centre, Terri Marshall makes your win even more memorable. Marshall has become an overnight celebrity for serenading students with cheers and a “Winner-Style” dance. A student customer first filmed Terri during her cheer and posted the clip on YouTube. The YouTube video clip is entitled, “Tim Horton’s Employee of the Year?”. When the video first went up, Marshall was unaware of it. Within the first two days the clip received 77, 000 views. As of Wednesday night, the video had over 583,000 views. Terri is well known for being a friendly face in the Student Centre. “Terri is the nicest person. A lot of students don’t know her personally but she goes out of her way to say the sweetest things and

exponentially brightens all of our days,” said YouTube user Whitneh23 in a comment on the video. When asked what her secret was to being so cheery, she said simply, “it’s just in my nature.” “I love doing things to shock and catch students eye.” Marshall explained how she came up with “Winner Style” this year, after students kept coming up to her asking when Roll Up the Rim season was beginning. Students were so accustomed to her dancing and cheering last year that she came up with “Winner Style” as something new for this year. The story has grown exponentially, and reached news outlets all over Canada, including CHCH, CBC, Huffington Post, Yahoo Canada and Canoe.ca. An overwhelming amount of students agree that Terri truly does make their day. “As a regular Tim’s customer, I can say that Terri is always over the top friendly to everyone. McMaster is lucky to have her. “ said Mac student Andrew Terefenko.

SRA to consider endorsing Hamilton bike share

SARAH JANES / SILHOUETTE STAFF

Students often bike to campus down Sterling Street. Anqi Shen Online News Editor A new bike share program seeks to make cycling around Hamilton and McMaster a more accessible option for commuters. On Feb. 25, Peter Topalovic, with the City’s transportation demand management department, presented an implementation plan for a public bike share program to Hamilton City Council. The plan proposes that 350 bikes be stationed at 30 points along the A-line and B-line transit routes. Users would pay a nominal fee to use a bike for a short period of time. As part of the “fourth-generation model,” the program is intended to integrate with rapid and public transit systems already in place. Bike share would target Hamilton’s downtown core and west end. It would cost $1.6 million, to be covered by private stakeholders and Metrolinx, subject to funding approval. Vivek Govadhanam, an SRA engineering representative, wants the SRA to endorse bike share in Hamilton. He will present a motion at the Assembly’s meeting this Sunday. “We want to bring the idea of bike share to the mainstream,” said Govadhanam. “I think it would add a lot of symbolism if the MSU goes out and says, ‘we think it’s a very good idea to have this in Hamilton.’” Govadhanam has been working with McMaster students Colin

Delsey, Jason Yeng and Raheel Syed to raise awareness about bike share. The group has also been in consultation with the Office of Sustainability. “McMaster is not going to have bike share for now, or for the next two or three years at least. But in the future we want to have bike share on campus. We want to encourage bike culture on campus,” said Govadhanam, who would like to see an ad hoc committee established by next year’s SRA. Conversations about a possible bike share program in Hamilton first started in 2009. A feasibility study was conducted by two Arts & Science students, and a market analysis was conducted by MBA students. “I think McMaster has been with us from day one,” he said. According to Topalovic, the program would help to eliminate the ‘first and last barriers’ faced by commuters. “A number of medium-sized cities are doing bike share, too,” said Topalovic. “It’s not just for the big cities like Toronto and New York.” At the Feb. 25 transit budget meeting, Topalovic asked to move forward to the ‘request for proposal’ stage. Councillors have asked for more clarification about the experiences of other cities in terms of funding and infrastructure. The bike share plan will be revisited in the next budget approval meeting on March 27.

CHECK OUT WWW.MSUMcMASTER.CA/TWELVEIGHTY FOR MORE!

YOSEIF HADDAD / SENIOR PHOTO EDITOR

Terri Marshall is well-known for her enthusiasm all year round.

CHEAPDRINKS, AMAZINGFOOD, PRICELESSMEMORIES.

Tim’s employee serves in “Winner Style”

THURS BAR NIGHTS! HOTTEST DJ’S! LOWESTDRINKPRICESINHAMILTON! STUDENTPRICES!

NEWS A5

EDITORIAL

Executive Editor Sam Colbert Email thesil@thesil.ca Phone 905.525.9140 x22052

Thursday, March 7, 2013

A6 S STUDENT REPRESENTATIVE ASSEMBLY

Time for reform to j.w., who will lead the way through a kick-ass volume 84.

to wearing a bathing suit over jeans.

to winner style.

to the valley that was once lake mcmaster.

to silvivor. outwrite, outdesign, outedit.

to measuring stuff in picas.

to stompin’ tom.

to lame duckin’ it.

to hugo chavez.

to losing to laval. again.

to the sil’s “feminist agenda.”

to 5 a.m. front pages.

to candy cane baseball. to thad’s sil promo video.

to welcome week fees that go to something other than programming.

to koshary.

to losing in a double-tiebreaker.

to j-skewl.

to black and white and read all over. last time i heard that one, i laughed so hard i kicked the end out of my crib.

to u.m. employees in big tickle. to painting with all the colours of the wind.

to dave short levy.

The Silhouette McMaster University’s Student Newspaper

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As another election cycle begins and the SRA’s committee on democratic reform closes the book on a disappointing year, the need to find a better way to govern the MSU isn’t going away

Sam Colbert Executive Editor General elections for the Student Representative Assembly began this week. If you’re too burnt out on the MSU’s presidential elections to pay much attention to the SRA generals, you’re not alone. Last year, about one in eight eligible voters cast a ballot, compared to the one in three that voted for MSU president. That’s a problem. It means that almost 18,000 full-time undergrads didn’t vote for the students who governed the McMaster Student Union, which collects hundreds of dollars in membership dues from each student annually. The SRA’s Ad-Hoc Committee on Democratic Reform will be offering its final report to the Assembly on Sunday. For the past year, it has tried make the SRA more relevant to students. The Committee’s four-page document details the work it has done, and how effective it feels that work has been. It’s conclusions? The Committee accomplished next to nothing. MSU Speaker Simon Gooding-Townsend, who penned the report, points out that one argument against striking the committee again next year “is that the committee is not effective at accomplishing reform and that the SRA is not interested in implementing reforms.” The Committee had discussed electing vice-presidents at large, like the MSU president. It discussed inviting the part-time managers of MSU services to be

members on the Assembly. It brought a proposal to the SRA to change the way academic divisions are represented to make the student-to-member proportions more equal. Science, for example, has one rep for every 816 students, while Arts & Science has one for 274 students. The proposal was voted down, and the Assembly’s structure stayed the same. All the discussion ultimately translated to no action, and the Committee’s work was done. But there’s no doubt that something needs to change. The MSU’s constitution limits the Assembly to 35 members. That’s the Students Union president, the three vice-presidents and the 31 current student representatives. That number’s been the same since 1964, when the full-time undergraduate population was under 3,000 members – no where close to the 20,000-plus it is now. Students aren’t properly represented. Most of them don’t pay attention to the SRA. Meanwhile, the elected members struggle to find out what it is that students want. A solution needs to begin in three major steps. First, the SRA needs to be bigger. There’s no guarantee that its members can effectively speak for us. So if it’s going to be making important decisions on what to do with student money, it at least needs to be a representative sample of the student population. Second, it can’t only be divided by faculties and programs. Societies, services, cultural groups and other organized segments

“

Students aren’t properly represented. Most of them don’t pay attention to the SRA. Meanwhile, the elected members struggle to find out what it is that students want.

of campus life need seats. These other aspects of a student experience can be just as meaningful to someone as what they’re studying. And third, the students already in elected positions of power in major student groups – faculty society presidents, for example – should be on the Assembly. Rather than fragmenting a voter’s attention between organizations, it’s important to let the people already leading students bring their knowledge and connections to the SRA. Voting for the new SRA will run March 12 to 14. Only six of the nine elections will be contested – students in Nursing, Business and Kinesiology won by acclamation. Evidently, interest in running for seats is low. And if the AdHoc Committee on Democratic Reform was any indication, there’s not much interest from elected members on making change. But if the new SRA really believes that it needs to be both a relevant and effective student government, it won’t let the enthusiasm for reform fade away over the summer.

OFF THE PAGES

Listen to our radio show Every Friday at 3 p.m., tune into 93.3 CFMU or visit cfmu.mcmaster.ca to listen to the Silhouette’s weekly radio show. Our witty and insightful editors will discuss the week’s top stories.

NOW HIRING

Apply for a job at the Sil Want to join our editorial team? We’re currently hiring next year’s Managing Editor and Production Editors. The deadline is March 11. Visit msumcmaster.ca/jobs for descriptions. Apply through the online portal or by emailing your resume and cover letter to thesil@thesil.ca. Jobs for the remaining editorial board positions will be posted later this month.

This week in McMaster history:

THE DAY THE KEGS RAN DRY MARCH 7, 1985 When employees at Ontario’s three major breweries went on strike, the situation at McMaster’s watering holes turned dire. The beer supply at campus bars the Rathskellar and the Downstairs John was running dangerously low. Jean Jacobs, manager of the Rathskellar, had stocked up prior to the lockout. “I’ve got 450 cases left now, but once that runs out, it’ll be virtually impossible to get any more until the lockout ends,” he told the Silhouette. Both the Phoenix and the Faculty Club had run out completely. Doug Scott, who managed the Phoenix, resorted to non-alcoholic and mixed drink specials to try filling the gap, though beer had represented 80 per cent of the bar’s liquor sales.

OPINIONS

Opinions Editor Mel Napeloni Section Meeting Wednesdays at 2:30 p.m. Contact opinions@thesil.ca

Thursday, March 7, 2013

A7 S

MSN Messenger bites the dust

COLUMN

Perpetuating a nation’s myth

Now that MSN is fading away, what’s next?

Aissa Boodhoo-Leegsma Senior News Editor Abraham Lincoln, the Great Emancipator, has been immortalized in just about every form possible. Steven Spielberg’s Lincoln is only the latest effort to valorize Lincoln in his quest to end slavery and enfranchise African-Americans. Glamorizing and whitewashing presidents’ terms in office is nothing new and is in fact a routine part of political makeovers. As soon as George Bush Jr. was out of office, efforts to resuscitate his image began. Former president Jimmy Carter is often thought of as a humanitarian, which ignores the fact that during his presidential term, the U.S. government backed dubious and undemocratic regimes in Iran, Zaire and the Philippines. But as soon as I started watching Lincoln, something irked me. In an effort make him out to be a hero, Lincoln became a recipient of this same sort of political rebranding. I do appreciate that Spielberg chose to adapt The Political Genius of Abraham Lincoln, which in some regards enlightened the public of the machinations and maneuvering Lincoln partook in regularly. Although this could certainly nurture an alternative perspective on the president and his legacy, the overall tone of the film was one of support for American cultural imperialism and patriotism. Did the film examine Lincoln’s shortcomings in office? No. Even films like Oliver Stone’s W looked at instances of failure in George Bush’s presidency. But under the direction of Spielberg, Lincoln is personified as a long-winded but gifted rhetorician, a patient and loving husband and father and an advocate for abolition. While I commend Daniel Day Lewis’ performance, which truly seemed to possess the essence of Lincoln’s archetypical character, I was extremely disappointed that neither Spielberg nor any of the writing team decided to look into conflicting or alternative portrayals of Lincoln. Instead, the entire film fixates on bringing the audience to the story climax, where everyone can celebrate the triumph of Lincoln’s hard work and dedication to forever altering American society. And by the time it closes (spoiler alert) with Lincoln’s assassination, we, the audience, are so emotionally attached to this arbiter of morality, that we leave the theatre assured that Lincoln was a great president and a great man. Even more so because he is portrayed as a martyr. His ability to pass the 13th amendment, and thus obtain freedom for all African-Americans, is a positive thing. But using his crown achievement to suggest that Lincoln was a hero and an activist for equality is misguided and manipulates the historical record. When it came to his treatment of Native Americans, Lincoln had an atrocious record of addressing equality rights. Just prior to issuing the Emancipation Proclamation, declaring an end to slavery, he also enacted The Homestead Act, which removed thousands of indigenous people from their lands. Lincoln also ordered the execution of 38 Santee Sioux men, simply because they refused to leave their ancestral land. This act marked the largest public execution in American history. Lincoln does make some effort to show how the president was probably more concerned with the positive political implications than the moral implications of ending slavery. But it’s that surge of emotional attachment and pride for Lincoln and his presidency that the film actively promotes, which I believe has the stronger and more tangible affect on the audience. So go see Lincoln, appreciate the realism of the set, costume and perhaps even some of the acting. But please realize that this film has an agenda. Just because the guy has been dead for over a century doesn’t make it any less manipulative or relevant to the political branding of today.

KAREN WANG / GRAPHICS EDITOR

Rob Hardy Silhouette Staff Although you fell out of touch a while back, you may not know that a kind-of-friend of yours has officially signed out of your life for good recently. This kindof-friend is not really a friend in the traditional sense, but in some ways was so much more, as it connected us to people in more distant places with whom we shared something in common. Through good times and bad, it helped shape our ideas of a more global world as we figured out our place in it and was always there waiting, with its simple but inviting interface ready to connect us on our journey. If there was one symbol of the previous decade, its familiar sounds and amenably faceless mascot might very well be it. I am talking about MSN Messenger. During the first quarter of 2013, it is being phased out throughout most of the world, with plans to disengage it entirely in the very near future for the remaining territories. I don’t know why, but this news hit me with a bit of nostalgic sadness. MSN, as it was most commonly referred to, changed the way we communicated. It is not so far back in time that its memory invokes true retro wonder, but its heyday is now old enough that soon we will be very much struck by how primitive it perhaps may have seemed.

MSN was keen on frequently updating itself with new versions - its initial look and feel differed greatly from its final one. That said, I am not sure why people seemed to begin abandoning it as other social media debuted about five years ago. But therein lies the rub – had MSN stuck around, it would eventually have become unrecognizable and altogether different from the basic format which launched its popularity. Any decades-old business goes through so many transformations that it usually has little in common with the times and ideas which initially inspired its existence. Don’t worry, though; Microsoft is apparently thrilled to announce that they are merging with Skype. Feel free to join in the celebration and do a few cartwheels, too. Now you can enjoy all the benefits of Skype even if you never wished to sign up for that service. And while we’re on the subject, Hotmail is also being phased out, which was just announced about a week ago. So if you are also partial to that word following your email handle, keep your old address because it seems you won’t be able to create any new ones. But as of now existing addresses will remain intact as the popular mail service switches to the new entity known as Outlook. More could be said about this but I will end off by reminiscing about the ways that MSN infused

our lives. Think of the catchy nicknames people often switched to according to mood or status, which contrasted sharply with the other group who stubbornly never did so and preferred to always leave the same names such as ‘Peter’ or ‘Thor’ - easy to find like a lighthouse in the harbour. A couple of times I wrote “Virus Alert!” to give some people a good-natured scare whenever I signed in (LOL). One has to wonder why today’s messenger services are forcing us to switch over to models that include so many bells and whistles. Does it really enhance our lives to constantly update the extensive profiles some of us fashion in our virtual realities? And are we okay with all this information being acquired by the next company which swallows up those we have accounts with as mere subsidiaries? Does anyone on their deathbed think about things like online features? One can consider that MSN was the best of both worlds. It allowed us to communicate simply and essentially without over-sharing and providing a thousand ways to waste our time. If it continued on, we could have still used it as a mobile app. But those days are gone. Some may not care, and others have stronger opinions. But no one asked us, so we’ve now heard our last notification alert as ‘MSN has just signed out’.

FEEDBACK

What will you remember Stephen Harper most for when he’s out of office? Compiled by Mel Napeloni and Jessie Lu

What I’ll remember most is the change from the Liberal government to the Conservative Majority.

I’ll remember his really bad campaigns and the wideeyed faces when he actually got the majority.

The audacity to spend time to try and change his government to Harper Government is comical.

Natalia Fong, Health Sciences II

Callum Thomson, Social Sciences I

Keenan Anthony, Philosophy IV

Hierarchal conventions are hurting students Student communities have accepted the notion that one has to be older and/or popular to make it Sarah O’Connor Silhouette Staff During a Linguistics tutorial last term, I overheard a classmate complaining about an article written in The Silhouette, eagerly wanting to write an editorial reply. I turned to her and said, “I write for The Sil, I can help if you want.” I was then greeted with a few shocked stares from my classmates. “You write for The Sil? What year are you in?” one person asked, confusingly. I responded, “First year.” I was in a first year class after-all. This moment shocked me and made me question why my fellow first-years would expect me

to be older for the sole reason that I wrote for the university paper. What was it about writing for The Silhouette that makes me seem older, mature, better? Did writing for the paper make others see me as more educated or clever? What was it that made me seem so different for writing 600 words every week? After all, anyone can write for The Silhouette. A neat little advertisement calls for student’s opinions and stories every week in every issue. Even The Silhouette website asks for News Tips where students can give the paper a heads up on what’s going on around McMaster. But with all these options, what’s stopping people from writing?

And then I started thinking about all the other areas students can get involved in McMaster, like the SRA and the MSU Presidency. There are about 20,000 students at McMaster. Each and every student is allowed to run for these things. But how many students actually go out and try? These positions don’t ask for a vast knowledge of politics, they just ask for students. And out of 20,000 students, only handfuls actually feel they are worthy to try. Not necessarily win, just to try. We live in a world made of hierarchies. They are everywhere and rule who we are and where we stand in society. Hierarchies tell us that only some people are

good enough to do certain things. Only some people can do great things and be remembered while the rest of us decay, not knowing that we could do great things. Its power people want; power to lead them, power to make them safe and power to keep the public knowing what is right and wrong. Power creates these hierarchies, telling us that only some people are good enough, only some people are special and the rest are the followers. But no one has to be a follower. No one has to stop him or herself from attempting great things because thepy feel they aren’t good enough, that they don’t fit into the “status quo”. You can do great things and you can be a part of the big things around

McMaster. All you have to do is try. We are all capable of doing great things, but these hierarchies try to crush our spirit and convince us we can’t. We can’t write for the paper because our opinions aren’t important enough, we can’t run for the SRA because we don’t know what it’s about, we can’t run for MSU President because we don’t know anything about politics. But we can. We have to push through these hierarchies and obstacles that tell us we can’t and show them we can. We can write for the paper, we can run for SRA and MSU president. We can learn and grow and achieve great things as long as we put our minds to it.

S A8 OPINIONS

Thursday, March 7, 2013

vs.

ARGUING

FOR THE MOTION

Violetta: There you stand, dressed in a robe that carries with it tradition and honour. There you stand, in front of hundreds of your peers and classmates. There you stand, with a speech in mind and heart. Yet should stop this tradition of having Valedictorian speeches at convocation ceremonies, as this archaic practice no longer fulfills its traditional value as a ‘final farewell’. When this tradition began, these speeches were delivered by the pupil with the strongest academic achievements and represented this student’s heartfelt farewell to the institution on behalf of their class. Since then, the tradition has allowed for inspirational quotes to be read to the tune of Vitamin C’s “Graduation (Friends Forever)” and for some anti-speeches like that of Wellesley High School’s “You are not Special” speech. It is clear that what was once a standard farewell has become a final way for a chosen student to leave some mark on their classmates, many of whom this student has never met and never will. I think that this tradition has declined in its value for two primary reasons; the student chosen does not adequately represent the collective to whom they are speaking to and the speeches themselves have become a lackluster attempt to make graduates believe that there is still hope in this economy. In high school, many of us

Violetta N.

President MacDebate Club

would have known the valedictorian. In a graduating class of some-odd 100 to 400 students, it is often easy to at least know of this person. However, in university, this becomes much trickier. With graduating faculties that often span many more students than the above stated, it becomes difficult to know the valedictorian personally. Some lucky few will know of this person through student politics, extracurricular activities, classes and passing them at the Phoenix. However, when this cannot be said for all, I wonder if this student truly represents the collective mass. Lastly, what does one say in a valedictorian speech anymore? The once heartfelt messages about “the world is your oyster” and “the sky is the limit” now feel like empty promises in a world far more restricting, impoverished and bleak than we often admit. Sure, it has always been a great attempt but I feel as though what was once great is now the mundane.

ARGUING

Erik Brown VP Finance MacDebate Club

Erik: I detect some unwarranted presumptions in her tone. Upon reading such an insistent commentary, you might be led to assume that almost all valedictorian addresses are wrought with monotony and cliché. This conclusion would be, however, a glaring non sequitur. Violetta mentions a few obscure examples in passing then assumes these remote cases provide adequate justification for a complete and utter ban. Fortunately, however, we do not make major school policy decisions based on exceptions. One cannot refer to the “You are not special” incident and then come to the conclusion that all such speeches are as equally trivial. It seems much more reasonable to accept that a valedictorian address, more often than not, provides a sentimental, somewhat nostalgic but ultimately rewarding end to a graduating class’s university experience. It is a custom that allows a student body to choose an individual who can recall pleasant memories, comment on professors and bring humour to a mind-numbing ceremony. He or she can also offer some words of

Should we still have valedictorian addresses?

AGAINST THE MOTION

encouragement and ease widespread doubt about an uncertain and ominous future. This positive re-enforcement does not always instill false promises though. It seems ludicrous to claim that a few heartening thoughts on an otherwise intimidating occasion are enough to convince students that they are guaranteed employment, or that they are suddenly free to shirk all responsibility. And to claim that universitylevel candidates are unrepresentative seems sort of imprudent. The whole process of nominations allows valedictorians to be selected by their peers, often because they possess important qualities that go beyond just academic proficiency. This means that students who are outside that persons’ immediate peer group can still put a speaker forward. Of course, there is a chance you will not know the winner personally. Yet maybe this lack of familiarity allows you to truly appreciate a graduation speech for what it means, and not just for the personality who happens to deliver it at commencement. So, as the class nominations are submitted and this year’s selections made, remember that your contribution is still relevant; regardless of whether or not it happens to carry the day. Whoever it may be, your valedictorian will still have a meaningful role to play.

Thursday, March 7, 2013

OPINIONS A9 S

Two-state solution for democracy Sean Haber The Silhouette You don’t have to major in Political Science to know that there’s a buzz about Israel. If you’ve opened up a newspaper or walked through MUSC enough times in the past few years, you know that one tiny country in the Middle East (smaller than New Jersey!) is getting more than its share of attention. The buzzword when discussing Middle East politics seems to be peace. But who exactly is pro

peace and who isn’t? The answer is far from simple; it is rooted in thousands of years of history and deep attachments to the land. Yet modern history has proven that Israel has made continual efforts toward a lasting peace and is still waiting for a willing partner with whom to negotiate. Israel’s efforts at a peaceful two-state solution date as far back as 1947, when the UN voted for partition. The Zionist leaders were overjoyed with the offer even though it consisted of only 13 per cent of the original land under the

British mandate. The Arab leaders, however, were displeased with the idea of a non-Muslim state in the Middle East and attacked this fledgling state from all sides. Israel’s newly formed army, consisting largely of Holocaust survivors with little formal training, managed to fend off its attackers in only 15 months, claiming roughly one per cent of the Israeli population. Sick of war, Israel and its neighbours agreed on temporary “armistice lines” - lines that left key defensive sections of Israel, including the central city of Jeru-

SILHOUETTE FILE PHOTO

The answer to peace in Israel/Palestine is a two-state solution. We have to stop defining the conflict through binaries.

IAW misconstrued by big names Kenney should visit Palestinian territories before condemning IAW Waleed Ahmed Silhouette Staff In what has become a routine exercise of obsequious bowing and servile complacence, Minister of Citizenship and Immigration Jason Kenney yet again pays homage to the State of Israel. Similar to last year, he released a statement condemning Israeli Apartheid Week (IAW), which is currently being organized on university campuses across the globe. Kenney likens IAW to ‘hateful and intolerant rhetoric’ and ‘anti-Semitism’. Based on the statement, it is fair to assume that the honourable Minister has never actually visited the Occupied Palestinian Territories (OPT); or perhaps he did, but his love for Israel might have blinded him from seeing the atrocities being committed in these lands. If he were to visit the OPT, Minister Kenney would be able to witness the Jewish-only colonies that Israel has established there. These cantons are luxurious settlement blocks designed with the intention of ‘Judiazing’ Palestinian land. 220 settlements currently mean that 43 per cent of the West Bank is reserved for exclusive Jewish use. Palestinians can’t live there and need special permits to enter for occasional work. They are confined to their own ethnic enclaves where they live largely under sub-standard conditions, thanks to the now 46-year-old Israeli occupation. If he were to visit, the honourable Minister would also notice the Israeli-only roads connecting Jewish colonies to each other and to Israel. While

being built on occupied Palestinian land, this network of modern highways is practically inaccessible to Palestinians. A draconian regime of permits and checkpoints ensure that they use an inferior system of circuitous dirt roads, tunnels and sub-level streets to avoid the Jewish settlements. Palestinians are humiliated and delayed at these checkpoints on a daily basis; students miss class, patients aren’t able to make it to hospitals in time. At least 39 cases of deaths at check points have been documented. All the while Israeli residents in the same area have unfettered access to modern highways. If he were to visit, Minster Kenney would also notice the dual legal systems that are implemented in the West Bank. In areas under Israeli control, Jewish settlers are subject to civilian law while Palestinians are subject to brutal military laws. This system violates the basic essence of equality before the law; especially given the vast difference in the two systems. Two sets of laws for two people; the ethnicity of the culprit determines one’s chances at a fair trail. It is particularly ironic, and distasteful, for this statement to be coming from our Minister of Immigration. Israel openly exercises one of the world’s most blatantly racist immigration and citizenship policies. The Law of Return guarantees that Jews from anywhere in the world can immigrate to Israel or the OPT and live there. Yet, it disallows Palestinians who were expelled or fled during the 1948 and 1967 wars to return to

their homes. Jews with no prior ties to Israel can immigrate to it; indigenous people of the land are barred for entering their homes – a policy in clear violation of the Geneva Conventions. Citizenship policies are also just as discriminatory. While a Jewish immigrant living in the West Bank is granted citizenship, Palestinians in the adjacent neighbourhoods are not given the same privilege. Furthermore, Palestinians are who have ‘permanent residency’ status in East Jerusalem have to continually prove their ‘center of life’ is in Jerusalem in order to hold on to this status. Jews in the same area are not subject to any of these bogus polices. Minister Kenny naively wonders why organizers of Israeli Apartheid Week chose to ignore other atrocities around the globe and focused on Israel. His press release is the answer to the very question: The Canadian government is complicit in whitewashing and supporting a brutally oppressive occupation regime. By invoking the anti-Semitism card, our government has actively stifled voices of those criticizing the Israeli occupation; this gives us all the more reason to continue organizing Israeli Apartheid Week. Our government’s scandalous and unholy love affair with Israel needs to come to an end. This blinding and decadent ordeal has lasted far too long. Passions have run high and judgments have been impaired. Cupid no doubt made a mistake, but oppression cannot justify love. Oppression must end and so must this love story.

salem, in enemy hands. These armistice lines lasted until 1967. Fast-forward two wars and the unilateral withdrawal from Sinai in 1957, and Israel still had not managed to make peace with any of its hostile neighbours. Continued aggression from Israel’s neighbours (“Pave the Arab roads with the skulls of Jews!”) led to yet another war. Families in Israel were prepared for the end. Miraculously, Israel defeated its attackers in only six days and despite modest goals of survival, it managed to capture enough territory to double its size with strategic buffer zones that are essential for defense. These territories include the Golan Heights, the West Bank, the Gaza Strip and the Sinai Peninsula. The UN’s response was Resolution 242, which called for Israel to give up some captured territory in exchange for the neighboring Arab countries’ recognition of Israel’s right to exist. The Arab League responded with a resounding “Three NOs” - NO peace, NO negotiations, and NO recognition. Two wars with Egypt later (post-1967 and 1973), Israel gave up the entire Sinai Peninsula, forcefully evacuating 4,000 settlers in order to make peace with Egypt. Although this involved an evacuation from 91 per cent of all land captured in 1967, the consensus is that it was worthwhile: the peace treaty with Egypt is still in place today. Skip ahead to 1993 - one defensive war and one intifada later. Israel and Palestine agree on the Oslo accords. This attempt at peace stipulated that, over time, Israel would withdraw from most of the territories and grant self-government to the Palestinians. In return, there would be peace: an end to incitement, terrorism, and the denial of Israel’s right to exist. By 1997, 98 percent of Palestinians were governed by the Palestinian Authority (PA) in accordance with the Israeli side of the peace deal. Palestinians have since

broken all conditions of the Oslo Accords. After a peace treaty between Israel and Jordan and a unilateral withdrawal from southern Lebanon, arguably the most striking display of Israel’s peace efforts happened in 2005. Although the Palestinian Authority refused to recognize Israel’s right to exist, Israel withdrew from the entire Gaza Strip. Eighty-five hundred Israeli citizens were forcefully evacuated from their homes and communities. By withdrawing unilaterally, Israel hoped to take steps toward a two-state solution with defined borders – land for peace. The response? In 2007, Hamas, which is a recognized terrorist organization by both the EU and the UN, took over leadership of the Gaza Strip in a forceful coup. Since Israel withdrew from Gaza, over 8,000 rockets have been fired indiscriminately from Gaza at civilians – think homes, schools, and playgrounds – in Southern Israel. It’s no wonder that Israel is wary of giving up more land without a secure promise for peace. It’s true that there is much suffering on both sides. Israelis are sick of sending their children to war and fearing rockets and bombs, while Palestinians are tired of being put in a compromising position by their corrupt government. But on both sides of the conflict, people are tired of living without hope for peace in their children’s futures. So stop defining yourself as “pro-Israeli” or “proPalestinian.” Both sides need to open up to the greater picture and become pro-peace. But that can’t happen without negotiating and working together. Israelis have shown that they are willing to make immense sacrifices. Golda Meir, Israel’s fourth prime minister, put it best: “Of course, we all must realize that the path to peace may be a little difficult, but not as difficult as the path to war.”

SILHOUETTE FILE PHOTO

There is too much complacency in the face of occupation and cultural genocide.

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Insertion Date: March 7, 2013

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Thursday, March 7, 2013

OPINIONS A11 S

Eradication isn’t the answer

Eliminating the Canadian Senate won’t help us, better senators will

Jackie Yaffa The Silhouette It’s time for someone to fix the Senate. The public knows it, and the Prime Minister himself knows it. So why hasn’t it been done yet? The idea of Senate reform is not new, and Canada finally has a prime minister willing to do something about the problem. However, what Stephen Harper plans to do is not to fix the problem, but to add changes that further his own agenda. During the Mike Duffy and Patrick Brazeau controversies, the public – not the Prime Minister himself – has pinpointed the problem. The problem is the senators, not the Senate. The Senate is an inherently logical institution. The Chamber of Sober Second Thought exists to curb the power of the sitting government. The prime minister, the person who’s supposed to make our country’s decisions, picks the senators. The senators themselves must be well-established citizens who are at least 30 years of age and may serve until they reach age 75. The basic premise of the Senate is both logical and beneficial for the country. The problem occurs when the prime minister is incapable of choosing competent senators.

And no, it is not only Stephen Harper who can’t seem to handle this task. Prime Ministers don’t seem to like the idea of limitations on the government’s power. To them, Senate’s just another democratic roadblock on the way to absolute control of Canadian policy. So what did the prime ministers do? They took advantage of an obvious loophole and changed the Senate from the Chamber of Sober Second Thought to the upper house of partisan politics. The Conservatives currently hold a majority in the Senate and in Parliament. This means that the Tories can pass almost any policy they desire. Although some may argue that this is not true for reasons such as a lack of party discipline in the Senate, it is a statement that stands true in practice. How else would Canada end up with senators like Duffy and Brazeau – both Conservative, both appointed under the recommendation of Stephen Harper? So what does Harper plan for reform? Well, he came up with the most beneficial solution of course – or at least the most beneficial for himself. He proposes to limit the term that Senators are allowed to serve, allowing himself even more chances to appoint members to the Senate.

SILHOUETTE FILE PHOTO

There are many theories about how to improve the Senate (with Harper’s being the worst of them all). Some people call for legitimate provincial representation, similar to the Upper House in the United States. This would limit the immense power of Quebec and Ontario. However, it wouldn’t promise the competency of senators. A better suggestion is the Triple E Model for the senate: Equal, Effective and Elected. This model incorporates equal provincial

representation, but more importantly it gives the electorate a vote towards senate appointments. Alberta currently elects nominees for appointment to the Senate. Unfortunately, the vote does not guarantee that the winner of the election is appointed to the Senate. The only way this could happen would be if the constitution were to be changed. However, Harper has already announced that he will not change the constitution in the name of Senate reform, despite his advocacy for

improving the Senate. Getting appointed to the Senate is like winning the Cash for Life Lottery. A Senator’s immense salary and pension, like it or not, comes from tax dollars. One might expect that a Canadian government, specifically a Conservative government like Harper’s, would be more careful about how they use (or abuse) the taxpayers’ money. It’s not time for Senate reform, it’s time for a change in senators.

Our power is immeasurable: what have we done with it? Kacper Niburski Silhouette Staff If I was from another planet and I was visiting Earth, I’d enter the atmosphere with a wide smile. From afar, the planet would be a beautiful blend of blue, white and green. Almost nothing would be known about the little speck besides the occasional tap-dancing tune being picked up on the radio. Though brief, they’d be nearly perfect. Some songs would be so heavenly that they’d practically be proof of divinity itself. As I’d prepare to land my spacecraft, I’d hum them. “Diddly doo, dilly da, all you need is love, diddly doo…” Besides my guttural hymns, the planet would appear almost peaceful behind the celestial firework show around it. If I were from another planet, I’d be greeted with fear and ignorance rather than joy and happiness. My welcoming party would take the form of ballistic missiles and nations far and wide, from big brother Russia to misnomer Papa New Guinea. They would join hands against me like I was a houseguest who had forgotten to take off his shoes at the door. I wouldn’t even have time to explain to them that with all my tentacles, I didn’t even wear shoes. If I were from another planet, I’d learn that many members of this seemingly barbarous species didn’t wear shoes either. Something called money was to blame. I’d learn more too: the species inhabiting this planetary gem with music so powerful that even God would brag about it were more or less meat wagons, a squishy mass of giblets and organs that jiggled around like pocket change. They’d be animals that could think and laugh and compose great works, but they’d be animals nonetheless. They fought. They argued. They fought again. That was their history, and for some reason, they were proud of it. If I were from another planet, I’d be jailed. In a high security prison, I’d be told that I needed a pilot’s permit to fly around the Earth’s stratosphere. I’d tell them I didn’t know I needed one. They would reply that no one ever does – that’s how this whole thing works. I’d say which thing. They’d say that they didn’t know. If I were from another planet, I’d learn that this species did know some things, however. They knew that the Earth was cold in the winter and hot in the summer. For some, that was already

“

If I were from another planet, I’d sift through the hokum. No political party would win in my favour. No ideology would seem better than any other. too much information to handle. They’d complain, “Oh, this winter is too hot” or “This summer is too cold” and so on. If I was from another planet, I’d figure out that despite thousands of years of evolution, humanity was still fighting World War X. Everyone was against everyone else. Natural selection, they’d say. If I were from another planet, I’d spend much of my time looking for the Earth’s borders. Many would point me towards a library full of dusty maps in order to show me the points at which pride met hard-fought glory. Every man, woman and child, every king and peasant, every prophet and follower, every father and every son, all the wars that had been fought, lost and forgotten, all the bloodshed, all the stories of happiness, sadness and loss, that night in Paris, that day in Monaco – they were all contained within these patrolled borders. They were the bindings of a book only humankind knew. If I were from another planet, I’d listen and nod to their tale. Sometimes, I’d even laugh. Then, I’d tell them that from above, the Earth was all one big, unified landmass. And when one wasn’t knee deep in the Milky Way, the Earth was just a small crumb in a big, black bowl of cereal. It wasn’t even healthy to eat, I’d say. If I were from another planet, I’d sift through the hokum. No political party would win in my favour. No ideology would seem better than any other. Instead, I’d say that on Juhani, the planet I was from, there were only two kinds of political platforms: winning and losing. Everyone would fit into one or the other eventually. If I were from another planet, I’d learn of great scientists and thinkers and the aggregate of a species’ progress. I’d learn of Newton, Fermat and Einstein. I’d be baffled by their genius and sheer persistence. And I’d try to do my part to advance humanity’s scientific theory by passing on my own E=MC2. It’d go like this: love always. If I was from another planet and I was visiting Earth, I would be distrustful of a species whose alert, hesitant smile had seen it

all: war and peace, depression and happiness, poverty and wealth, starvation and gluttony, regression and progression, death and birth. I would walk in their shoes – as they’d say – and wonder how many steps it would take until they realized that just because

they could read and write, add and subtract, they didn’t have claim over this planet any more than the cockroaches. If anything, those bugs had more of one – they were around longer. If I were from another planet, I’d remind Earthlings that they

weren’t better than the immaterial mass, the lifeless cosmic stew, sifting around them either. They were simply part of it. They were the stuffing of stars. And if I was from another planet, I wouldn’t want to come back.

SEASON 26 OF SURVIVOR: OR HOW WE LEARNED THAT THIS SHOW IS STILL ON THE AIR C3

THURSDAY

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What did you learn this week, Timmy? “I learned,

“to look both ways before crossing your eyes.”

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Disclaimer: Stories printed in The Hamilton Speculator are fact. Any resemblance to persons real or dead is likely intentional and done out of spite. Opinions expressed are those of The Speculator and if you disagree with them you are wrong. And stupid. Possibly ugly as well.

INSIDEOUT

InsideOut Editors Sam Godfrey and Amanda Watkins Section Meeting Tuesdays at 2:30 p.m. Contact insideout@thesil.ca

Thursday, March 7, 2013

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ON THE ROAD

A road trip and airport survival guide Amanda Watkins Assistant InsideOut Editor As long as you’re not driving or flying the plane, there’s no reason why the hours leading up to your arrival have to be boring or PG-13. The rising action of travel takes place during the journey to the destination. Don’t let it take on the face of a bad M. Night Shyamalan movie - create a worthwhile lead up to the climax with a whimsical adventure in travel-safe activities. Make the most of your journey by coming prepared and hyping up the adventure before it officially begins.

Madlibs: Entertainment for the masses

Airport scavenger hunts or road trip bingo

Whenever people travel, it seems completely necessary to pack a journal. “I’m going to write down everything I do so I’ll never forget what happened”- theoretically, a great idea, but let’s get real, you’re not a nine-year-old girl going to camp for the first time who loves scrapbooking and is obsessed with her mom. You’re not going to end up writing in the journal. Instead, pack something that has fun rewarding principles not just for yourself, but for those around you. Madlibs is not only a great way to befriend that foreign old man sitting next to you on the plane, but it’s a fun way to pass time and practice your use of inappropriate adjectives in casual pre-written phrases.

Before you set sail (maybe literally), write out a list of items you could potentially find while awaiting your arrival or departure. For instance, an airport scavenger hunt could include: locate one family of Japanese tourists, or construct a hat out of free luggage tags. Road trip bingo could include a number of boxes with different possible sights such as: an abandoned farmhouse that may or may not have been in a low-budget horror film, or a cow with low self-esteem. Write down the location of where you saw it, and whoever makes a line first, wins.

Midnight Train to Georgia- Gladys Knight California Dreamin’- The Mamas and the Papas America- Simon and Garfunkel Leaving on a Jet Plane- Peter, Paul and Mary Rocket Man- Elton John Africa- Toto Down Under- Men at Work I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles)- The Proclaimers Life is a Highway- Rascall Flats Island in the Sun- Weezer I Can Go the Distance- Tate Donovan (Hercules) (not the Michael Bolton version, for the love of God) In the Sun- She and Him Road Regrets- Dan Mangan Summertime Sadness- Lana Del Rey

Other possible activities:

singing around an iPhone campfire, Taboo, or consensual touching.

Mount Wroclai (Idle Days)- Beirut Walk it Out- UNK Cape Cod Kwassa Kwassa- Vampire Weekend Home for a Rest- Spirit of the West

Border-approved snacks

Become a teeny tiny bartender

It’s always disappointing when you spend time crafting an artisan peanut butter and jelly sandwich only to have it taken away by a greasy looking security guard who’s convinced it may contain crystal meth. The next time you’re making an international run, be sure to carry snacks that cannot be hijacked by the hijack police. Fresh fruit is a no-no. So is raw meat, but that’s a given. Dried apples and rice cakes are nutritious, delicious and stale enough to not be taken away. Pre-packaged food is always a good way to go. I recommend Fundip. This actually crystal meth-like snack is quirky, nostalgic and an activity in itself.

Airplane food is not exactly gourmet. But, it tastes a lot better if you’re drunk enough to not know what you’re eating. Don’t get out of control, but also don’t be hesitant about mixing your own drinks on your flight. Numerous tiny, adorable bottles of alcohol are at your disposal. Find out what happens when pineapple juice and vodka come together, or what happens when a university student goes ham on airplane liquor at high altitudes. Just remember to drink responsibly and don’t go overboard, you do not want to be that person who vomits during turbulence.

Other possible snacks:

AMANDA WATKINS/ ASSISTANT INSIDEOUT EDITOR

dried or candied anything.

Travelling to make a difference Aissa Boodhoo-Leegsma Senior News Editor The term voluntourism has sprung up in the past few years to explain the increasing number of people seeking vacations with volunteering components. For students, this has been especially appealing in order to fit travel and work together within the confines of Reading Week, winter or summer break. But what are the implications of voluntourism? And are you really making a difference? Some important distinctions should be made when you’re searching for an international volunteer or work experience. Organizations that tout “making a difference” and “helping others” as main selling points in a twoweek, $3000 trip, are selling you false hope. For these corporate endeavours, only small portions of your time are spent volunteering, while large portions of your trip are spent whitewater rafting or snorkeling and sightseeing. While these are great, is there any point in volunteering so minimally?

How much of a culture, a country or a community will you really get to know? My goal here isn’t to simply denigrate the act of travelling and volunteering. Enough articles have been written to criticize voluntourism as an extension of neo-colonialism and its presentation of the benevolent West. Instead, as students interested in travel and becoming a global citizen, we should be engaging in critical evaluation and reflection about global volunteering opportunities. A couple key things to look at when thinking about voluntourism are the three R’s: reputation, reciprocity and resilience. Does the organization you’re looking at have a reputation as being socially responsible? There are handfuls of online setups which appear to have popped up over night and have very few positive testimonials or long-term connection to the communities they send students too. Some reputable providers of global work or volunteer opportunities at McMaster are AIESEC, Engineers Without Borders,

Habitat for Humanity, MacServe and Student International Health Initiative (SIHI). Outside of Mac, but still equally popular with students, are opportunities with Canada World Youth, Parks Canada, WorldWide Opportunities on Organic Farms (WWOOF), Outward Bound, Rotary Club and the Japan Exchange and Teaching (JET) Programme. Once you’ve narrowed things down a bit, found an organization that has good relationships with its host communities and has a timeline that works for you, it’s time to evaluate the reciprocity of the opportunity. Does the organization just drop into the community then leave? Is there local and/or grassroots involvement that is integral in project planning? Or is this simply a venture pre-formulated in the West and meant to be a “band-aid” solution? Xochil Argueta-Warden, a Mac student who went on exchange with Canada World Youth, first in Newfoundland, then a three-month exchange in Ghana, noted how, “ it’s important

to remember when volunteering that you are visiting and that you must help in a way that works for the community.” “People have to be careful not to go into a new place with a big agenda that may make members of the community feel disconnected from their own home,” said Argueta-Warden. Similarly, students should be open to not just giving their time and helping out, but learning from the culture and community they are emerged in. Alexandra Steinberg, a Mac student who volunteered with SIHI in India recollected how much she learned while on her trip. “We had open discussions with individuals from diverse professional, demographic, geographic and socioeconomic backgrounds. They taught me many unforeseen benefits to their methods of education, and their less high-paced and consumption focused lifestyles.” When you’re finalizing your volunteering plans, remember to truly assess the rippling effect of your work in another country.

Resilience is meant to describe the sustainability of the project you take part in. If you’ve provided schools with supplies, how will they receive these supplies after you leave? If you have worked on an eco-project, will the project continue to run and grow after you leave? Jasleen Grewal, a Mac student who went on an internship with AIESEC McMaster to Brazil, shared how her project team, made up of AIESEC members from around the world, facilitated sessions on racism and cultural diversity. “Our goal was not just to teach…but to instill confidence in the students and give them a sense of global citizenship. These skills and ideas resonated with them long after the workshops were over.” While it’s important to be critical of what volunteering venture you are part of, there is certainly room to both engage in community learning and live a global experience. So go forth, learn, travel and be engaged in both the moment and the issue.

S B2 INSIDEOUT

Thursday, March 7, 2013

Dr. Dick Day

Professor, Dept. of Psychology

Stylishly inspiring students for over 30 years

JESSIE LU / ASSISTANT PHOTO EDITOR

Thursday, March 7, 2013

INSIDEOUT B3 S

Self-guided vs. tour led traveling Which one is right for you? Ronald Leung Silhouette Staff Since vacationing is a luxury for cash-strapped students, every dollar counts. How do you get the most of your money when exploring a new destination? Should you book a tour bus, or decide to go lassiez-faire? At first, the latter seems to be the more attractive option. Who wouldn’t want the freedom of drifting through a romantic foreign city, tasting cultural snacks and discovering quirks and curiosities in every

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Jennifer Bacher Silhouette Staff It’s been a while. I know you probably miss our long talks about how you believe I am entering the United States to work and permanently stay, but like I said before, I am not. I hope you enjoyed all those oranges you took from my Grandmother’s purse. Funny how they can leave the United States to be sold in Canada but not return via the vehicle of a kindly old lady. Well, I hope they were tasty. I could have used one while I waited in your crammed waiting room for two hours. I would also like to point out that I found your racial profiling very obvious. Although, you probably already knew that. The last time I saw you was at

nook and cranny? You’d be free to stay as long as you please at your favourite attraction, and spend as long as you want sipping a exquisite coffee or shopping along the promenade. However, the cost of this self-directed journey is the large preparation needed to actually pull off a satisfying trip. Hours of research needs to be done in order to scout out potential attractions and famous gems of the destination you’d be visiting, hours that as students, many of us don’t have. In addition, the trial-and-error format of

self-journey often racks up higher costs as we dip our toes continuously until we find just the right temperature. A tour bus on the other hand, usually comes in a neat package with transportation, lodging, and most meals covered. A fluent interpreter and tour guide often accompanies every bus, where they provide commentary about attractions and banter with the locals, avoiding a lot of embarrassing miming on your part. They also have a packed itinerary, so all you have to do is follow along and

Dear USA Border Control...

the New York City airport when I was connecting from Switzerland to Canada, and I really enjoyed when you had no consideration for the fact that I was connecting within 45 minutes. Though it was of no concern to you because really, someone who is connecting back to their homeland of Canada is definitely a red flag for future illegal immigrant. The next time I come to your country I will only be visiting for less then 24 hours so that I can fulfill the American dream: consumerism. That is correct, I do not want a job, I want to shop. So no, I am not bringing firearms or alcohol into your country and yes, I do have stores to go shopping at in Canada. I’m sure you think you are very funny when you ask “What?! You don’t have ‘em stores in Canada?” or “Why do

you need shorts and t-shirts for Canada? Shouldn’t you be skiing or something?” I’m not sure if you’re aware of this, but you can see Canada from where you are currently sitting. Truly, I think you should be shaking my hand and welcoming me into your country. I have, for some odd reason, decided to spend my money in your country. I could be shopping in Canada right now, but no I want to come to the United States to empty my wallet at Macy’s and JCPenney for just 24 hours. And I promise, when I’m done, I will go back to where I came from. I really don’t understand why you need to be so uptight anyway. I thought we were friends? Yours truly, A frustrated Canadian traveler

enjoy the experience. However, this could also be considered a downfall for many travelers. Package tours are notorious for their early mornings and late evenings, so you may find yourself struggling to stay awake. In addition, they have strict time limits at attractions, so many vacationers often complain of feeling rushed as they are herded from destination to destination. Not everything on the itinerary may be to your liking which may also be an annoyance. At the end of the day, it’s

difficult to judge without trying out both. If you find planning too much, an organized tour bus may be perfect for you. If you’re proactive in your travels, a self-directed experience may yield much more freedom and sight-seeing. Whatever you chose, never forget that you’re on vacation. Enjoy the sights, breathe, laugh and sleep, because before you know it, it’ll all be over.

Meditation on my mind Matthew Greenacre Student Health Ed. Centre One of the best pieces of advice given by a professor must have been when Dr. Valliant told his first year chemistry class about to take a midterm to “think by the seat of your pants.” Though it seems like an odd phrase, it makes sense. Often when students come to a question they find unfamiliar, something that they cannot remember studying, they get anxious and waste time sweating and fumbling to search their memory. Instead it helps a lot more to sit back, breathe, and think about the question. Just wing it. After all, it’s just a question, and this way you might reason through it. Test anxiety, or simply worrying about presentations, papers, and readings can be absolutely debilitating. Students can easily become overwhelmed, fret about doing their work and wind up watching seasons and seasons of online TV instead of beginning a paper or cracking their textbook open. Then when there is no other option but to frantically pour over their notes, or pull an all-nighter writing, the student often winds up unhappy with their work. Finding yourself in this situation is not simply about intelligence, or a matter of having a poor work ethic. Indeed, it’s quite the opposite. It is the difference between striving for success and being driven by the prospect of failure. The subtle difference between these two states is all about one’s attitude to work. Being able to see it as a challenge that one will enjoy taking on, like a puzzle, or it can just be, well, hard work. Making the switch can be much harder for some than others. For many students, it can be as simple as taking a deep breath during our exam, being okay with not knowing the answer, and then giving “thinking by the seat of your pants” a try. However, those who might find this unthinkable, and who have a lot of trouble quelling their anxiety on a day-today basis could really benefit from taking the time to sit back and actually clear their mind. A long history of studies going back to pioneering work of Jon Kabat-Zinn (a professor at the University of Massachusetts Medical School) in the 1970’s and ‘80’s have found that meditation reduces stress and anxiety, and

even chronic pain. Now, before dismissing this article as a sneaky attempt to get you into saffron robes, lighting incense and hanging around with hippies, please note that meditation does not have to involve any of those things, unless you really want it to. It is really is more about taking a deep breath, letting go of your worry and being able to deal with your problems. Also, for most of us, stress is mental, not physical pain like as hunger, so it makes sense that we should be able to use our minds to release this stress. Mindfulness-meditation in particular is about being able to let go of your fears by focusing on the moment. Because, when you think about it, fears are just a manifestation of the feeling that something bad will happen. By being in the moment you do not make those pessimistic assumptions in the first place. That does not mean that you no longer think the thoughts that worry you, but rather you just calmly choose not to follow these trains of thought. What is known as focused attention meditation is the painstaking practice of focusing on a single thing or sensation, noticing when you’ve been distracted by something else, and then bringing your attention back to what you are supposed to be focusing on. By practicing this, you train yourself to see the problem in front of you clearly, helping you figure out how to solve it, while learning not to automatically get nervous about the “what if ’s.” Research at universities in Beijing, Oregon and Dalian have found that meditation effectively improves one’s attention and selfdiscipline, which is not surprising if one is spending an appreciable amount of time focusing intently on something very boring, such as breathing. So given that, it’s understandable that meditation is not everyone’s cup of ginseng infusion, but if you are having trouble with stress it is important to take the time to deal with it. This time is never wasted, because less stress lets you focus and be more productive when you are doing work. Exercise is one of the best ways to relieve stress, as is spending time with friends. However, if you are interested in meditation resources to learn more about it and help you get started are posted on the SHEC Blog, which you can visit at www.shecmcmaster.tumblr.com.

Thursday, March 7, 2013

INSIDEOUT B5 S

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8 4

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Across

1 Actor Ian 5 Monetary unit of Thailand 9 Room in a casa 13 Baseball family name 14 Dined at home 16 Warts and all 17 Soft ball brand 18 Lover of Juliet 19 Land in water 20 “Clueless” catchphrase 21 Mischievous child 22 Pertaining to tea acid 24 Permits 26 Constituent 27 Caterpillar competitor 29 Hissing 33 Army attack helicopter 34 Dixie pronoun 35 365 days 36 Ply 37 Conical dwelling 38 Numbered rd. 39 Sea swallow 41 French friends 42 Eskimo boat 44 Highly regarded 46 Slippery as ___

47 Oil-rich Islamic theocracy neighboring Iraq 48 Mary Kay competitor 49 Asexual 52 Trident-shaped letter 53 Cheerio! 57 Per 58 ___ Kick Out of You 60 Anatomical passage 61 Author ___ Stanley Gardner 62 Gunpowder ingredient 63 Other, in Oaxaca 64 Nicholas II, for one 65 Ethereal 66 Deprived of sensation

Down

1 Mandlikova of tennis 2 Corrida cheers 3 Actress Petty 4 Neck scarf 5 Mineral used as a weighting agent 6 Tiny particles 7 Rope fiber 8 No-win situation 9 Holy 10 Org. 11 Taylor of “Mystic Pizza”

12 Just ___! 15 Remarkable 23 “Exodus” hero 25 Memorable time 26 Heaps 27 Prescribed amounts 28 Movie critic Roger 29 Flavorful 30 Eagle’s home 31 Birth-related 32 Difficult journey 33 Pleasingly pretty 34 Arabian republic 37 Marmoset 40 Nor’s partner 42 Family card game 43 Refer briefly to 45 Able was I ___ I saw Elba 46 Bird enclosure 48 Late bloomer 49 Nair rival 50 Hearing organs 51 Arthur Ashe’s alma mater 52 Sneaky guy? 54 Westernmost of the Aleutians 55 Division of a school year 56 Kaffiyeh wearer 59 Actress Scala

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Thursday, March 7, 2013

PROFILES OF PROFESSIONALS

An Interview with Leigh Laidlaw, Chef Manager of Bridges Café

SEXandtheSTEELCITY

Feeling good naked

Liz Delaney The Silhouette

JESSIE LU / ASSISTANT PHOTO EDITOR

Em Kwissa The Silhouette My first forays into the awkward and heated territory that is disrobing in front of another human being occurred in my junior year of high school. I was seventeen and I had already dated a few people, but with all my previous partners things had been kept strictly over-the-clothes. This particular relationship was markedly different in two ways. One, I was in love. Two, I no longer had any interest in pretending I wasn’t incredibly horny. Arguably the most important part of sexual encounters of any kind is that everyone involved wants to be involved. There was no question that I was enthusiastic about the direction in which my boyfriend and I were headed and the speed at which we were getting there; the problem was, I wanted to be involved as someone else. I wanted to be someone with a flatter stomach, smaller thighs, and bigger breasts. I wanted to be someone hairless and devoid of unsexy bodily functions, someone who could contort into wild poses and who smelled and tasted like

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vanilla ice cream. Thus, my first sexual relationship was a very sad thing. In preparing to go and see my boyfriend, I spent hours meticulously correcting every imperfect detail of my appearance. In spite of wanting very badly to get to the fun naked things I knew we could be doing, it took me forever to get out of my clothes, and once I was in the buff I became preoccupied with sucking in my stomach and tensing my thighs and pointing my toes and lying only on my side to make my cleavage look bigger, and you know what? None of those things are conducive to fun sex. Here I was with this boy I loved and who loved me (and who, for the record, thought I was beautiful every inch), and for some reason I thought that things like a tan or a six-pack would make the experience better. Fast forward through three years of experiences in sex and identity and arrive at present-day me, twenty years old and still soft-bellied, small-breasted, and covered in razor-burn if I shave my legs too often. This isn’t a story about how I started working out and tanning and applying

various creams and perfumes and memorizing the Kama Sutra. I realized very soon after my boyfriend and I broke up that those things wouldn’t make a difference. My problem wasn’t with my body; my problem was with me, and no matter how much I changed my appearance, if I continued to believe that pleasure was only attainable if I became some future, new-and-improved version of myself, I would always be able to find something new to pick at. I fully support physical self-improvement as a means of bettering one’s health and happiness, but I was kidding myself that I couldn’t be happy until I looked a certain way. I have the same body I did three years ago. The difference is that now I want to do naked fun things lights on and comfortable, because it’s way easier to have a good time when you’re thinking about how awesome sex is instead of how much more awesome sex would be if you looked like someone else. Don’t let a hypothetical version of you upstage you in bed. You’re here. You’re horny. You’re hot as hell. Go get some, kid.

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Tucked away in the basement of the newly risen Phoenix, Bridges, the vegetarian/ vegan restaurant caters to alternative tastes. “It’s a growing need. More and more people are making these choices,” said Leigh Laidlaw, its award-winning chef. “I (also) get a lot of people who have dietary restrictions (because of) allergies, gluten intolerance, celiac disease, lactose intolerance...” The most popular items are the chili, soy chicken nuggets and sweet potato fries. “But I like the Aloo Gobi,” said Leigh, “a potato and cauliflower curry. And I love the lentil curries - over rice, pretty simple, very good for you and tasty.” Leigh will be doing a demo in April on how to cook easy healthy vegan meals (see MacFit for details). Fresh out of school, chef papers in hand, Leigh moved to San Francisco to hone his skills in the cradle of the California cuisine movement. As a result he is passionate about fresh, local, organic and seasonal. “Seasonal is huge. Unfortunately the academic year revolves pretty much backwards around the growing season. I’ll use a lot of Ontario root vegetables in the fall and winter because they’re local and they’re good. In fact, I just made roasted butternut and cinnamon soup earlier today.” Leigh features a different entree every day. “I [research] other universities and vegetarian restaurants around the world just to see what trends are big.” Then he experiments.

YOSEIF HADDAD / SENIOR PHOTO EDITOR

“And if I don’t like the way it looks chances are I’m not going to serve it. It’s got to be aesthetically appealing. More often than not you eat with your eyes so I try to make sure things are colourful as well as nutritionally balanced. You can’t just have a salad and expect to have enough sustenance for the day.” Leigh won gold for his expertise in the 16th Annual Chef Culinary Conference. Campus chefs from across North America competed in teams of four and had 40 minutes after opening a ‘black box’ to design a menu that included every item. They were marked on everything, even their garbage. “They wanted to look at all your bones when you were finished to make sure you had butchery skill.” “I enjoy putting together the menu compositions - I enjoy seeing the finished products.” And Leigh likes to interact with the students. “It’s good to get feedback, negative or positive. And that’s one thing – students are honest.” Check out the specials and kosher options on Facebook, and to see, said Leigh, “if I’m making chocolate mousse or banana bread.”

SPORTS

Sports Editors Brandon Meawasige and Scott Hastie Section Meeting Fridays at 2 p.m. Contact sports@thesil.ca

Thursday, March 7, 2013

B7 S

Mac falls in

CIS Finals

McMaster went on a dominant run to put themselves in the first CIS Final in the university’s history. Although they finished with a silver medal, this year’s experience will pay dividends for the young roster. C/O YAN DOUBLET

John Bauer Silhouette Staff In a match up that is becoming familiar to CIS sports fans, the men’s volleyball championship came down to the McMaster Marauders and the Laval Rouge et Or. And in a result all too familiar to McMaster sports fans, it would be the Rouge et Or that would prevail in the end. The Marauders began the grueling schedule of three matches in three days Friday against the University of New Brunswick Varsity Reds. After a strong first set, UNB’s play would drop off and McMaster would prevail in a quick game 25-23, 2517, 25-14. The 1-2-3 punch of Jori Mantha, Dany Demyanenko and Jayson McCarthy had their way with the Reds, scoring 15.5, 12.5, and 11 points, respectively. Saturday brought rival Western, fresh off the upset of the tournament, ending Trinity Western’s two-year run as CIS champions in a five set shocker.

The drained Mustang team put up a good fight, but in the end would also fall in three sets in an OUA final rematch, 25-23, 27-25, 25-21. McMaster’s key going into the game was no doubt to hold Justin Scapinello, who demolished the Trinity Western defense for 29 points, at bay. The Mac defense did just that, and McCarthy floored 17 points for the victory and final birth. The loss for Western would send them to the bronze medal game, where they lost a come from behind, 5-set marathon to the Brandon Bobcats. While the medal awarded was bronze, the two teams played as if gold was on the line, with the second set going to its 36th point. The championship game was surprisingly devoid of any team from the West, instead offering up a rematch of the men’s football final, this time on Laval’s turf. La Caverne was electric, with a notable contingent of McMaster fans braving the hostile crowd. Early in the game

Demyanenko made it clear that if McMaster was going to win the gold medal match, he would be the driving force. Throughout the evening, he showed off the full repertoire of his skills, with huge blocks, powerful smashes, and beautiful fake shots. The first set was a back and forth affair. Laval was sloppy out of the gate, but it soon McMaster began having trouble getting the serve in bounds. This lasted all game, with numerous balls flying wide or catching net. Though the service errors on the day would end with near even totals between the teams, the Rouge et Or managed five aces to Mac’s zero, exacerbating the problem. McMaster rode its offense through the set, exploiting gaps in the Rough et Or coverage, while Laval relied on scrambles and errors on McMaster’s part for their scores. Laval would eventually take the first set 26-24. The second set would be a reversal of the first, with McMaster’s defense coming up

huge against a suddenly awake Laval offense. McMaster’s tallest would take the set 25-22, but would take a roundabout way of doing it, leaving numerous points on the board with errors. The two teams went point for point in the third set. Each team seemed like they swung the momentum for good numerous times, only to have the opposition return the favour. In the end, McMaster would commit one too many attack errors, contributing to an ugly total of 21 on the day, and Laval would pull away 25-22. Backs to the wall, it looked like McMaster may simply fade in the fourth set, quickly dropping to 7-11. They would stage a comeback, narrowing the gap 2021, but lost several major points with blocks that landed just wide. Laval pulled away again, bringing up the match point at 24-21. McMaster appeared to have scored their 22nd point to regain some life, but a referee’s decision gave Laval the score and the victory.

As the rowdy Rouge et Or crowd mobbed the new heroes, McMaster was left to examine where it went wrong for them with “We are the Champions” and vuvuzela ringing in their ears. Demyanenko would finish with 19.5 points on the day leading all players. Though McMaster was snubbed for the CIS All-Star team, both setter Austin Campion-Smith and Demyanenko were tournament all-stars. In the end, it was no doubt the experience of Laval, with leading scorer Frederic Mondou and captain Justin Bourdleault both playing their final games, that pushed them over the top, as they were the more technically sound team. While the win is an end of the era in Laval, with rookies Demyanenko, McCarthy, Daniel Groenveld all on the court for McMaster in the loss and Stephen Maar contributing during the season, it is the dawn of a new one for the Marauders.

Maroon set to battle for bronze Scott Hastie Assistant Sports Editor The best measuring stick is going to toe-to-toe with the best. McMaster’s women’s basketball team had that opportunity over the weekend when they travelled to the University of Windsor to take on the No.1 team in the country. After falling behind 9-0 in the opening minutes of the OUA West Final, the Marauders were stuck trying to claw their way back. For every run Mac would go on, the Lancers would match. It was a physical and frustrating game and the veteran squad from Windsor, Ont. came out victorious with a 73-51 final. The game showed how much further McMaster has to go to be the best in the country. Despite the loss, the young group will have another opportunity to take another step towards becoming one of the elite teams in the CIS. Dropping the OUA West Final puts Mac in a bronze medal game against the Ottawa GeeGees on Mar. 9. Being a long shot at the CIS Championship tournament, this looks like it will be the last game of the season for the Maroon and Grey. That doesn’t mean head coach Theresa Burns and her

squad are taking it lightly, though. “For us, this is a big pride game. We know that mathematically speaking, based on the criteria, there’s probably not a wildcard selection coming out of this for us,” explained Burns. “But we’re going to go out and play with pride in our program and pride in what we’ve accomplished, especially the second half of this season.” Mac has been able to right the ship after a difficult opening to the season. Burns points to an identity crisis as a main contributor to the early struggles, as the graduation of Taylor Chiarot left a hole on both ends of the court. The new Maroon identity revolves around Hailey Milligan, Vanessa Bonomo, and Danielle Boiago. Milligan has to be in the conversation as an All-Canadian player after earning her first OUA All-Star award. Boiago is a safe bet for a CIS rookie of the year nod. Bonomo has emerged as a reliable point guard to run the fast-paced Maroon offence and excels at getting the ball to the right players at the right time. Mac will rely heavily on these three in the battle for bronze. In the Nov. 16 match-up, Ottawa ran all over the Marauders. Milligan played 15 minutes, Boiago shot 2-13 and Bonomo only took

“

We’re going to go out and play with pride in our program and pride in what we’ve accomplished, especially the second half of this season. Head Coach Theresa Burns

four shots. The Gee-Gees won 82-55, with the 82 points being the second highest number of points allowed all season. But the key number that jumps out is Milligan’s 15 minutes. “This is a completely different Hailey than we had in Ottawa last time. I think our team is at a different level,” says Burns. The first team OUA All-Star will look to continue her thirteen game double-double streak. Defeating the Gee-Gees would be an upset but not all that surprising to the team. They’ve come a long way since the middle of November and have been playing with more synergy than ever. Burns expects a tough match-up against the No. 7 ranked team. “Ottawa is going to be playing their best too. All teams should be at the end of the season, and they generally are in your still hanging around in the playoffs.”

Bonomo (left) and Burns (right) tinker with the Maroon attack. C/O RICHARD ZAZULAK

S B8 SPORTS

Thursday, March 7, 2013

Mac men looking ahead After a short-lived playoff run, McMaster heads into the offseason with a chip on their shoulder Scott Hastie Assistant Sports Editor

Mac will be able to maintain the majority of their roster, with only one player graduating from the program.

He delivered though, becoming the focal point of Mac’s offense. The Stoney Creek native also emerged as a player who thrives in the fourth quarter. McCarthy solidified himself as a starter in the line-up, while also anchoring the Maroon defense. Connolly speaks highly of the second-year player, praising him whenever he has an opportunity. A player of his size and skill

is rare in the OUA, and the Marauders still have three more years of eligibility from him. Rocca made the biggest leap of all. He bumped his scoring up from 9.4 points per game to 14.7 points per game. His field goal percentage rose two points to 44.0 per cent, but more impressively his three-point shot percentage went from 27 per cent to a ridiculous 40 per cent.

C/O RICHARD ZAZULAK

His mark ranks among some of the best shooters in the league. But there are two players that the stat sheet won’t tell you about: Scott Laws and Nathan Pelech. “There’s two guys that deserve a ton of credit: Scott Laws and Nathan Pelech. It would have been acceptable or easy or whatever you want to call it, for those two guys to maybe step away and do their own thing this year,” explained Connolly.

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Over the past weekend, the men’s basketball Final Four took place at the Mattamy Athletic Centre in Toronto, Ont. Three out of the four teams would qualify for the CIS Final 8 tournament. McMaster was a game away from qualifying for the Final Four. If they had qualified for the national tournament, it would have been a step closer to the Marauders’ program goal of winning a CIS Championship. Head coach Amos Connolly is firm about the objective. It’s the only goal he will talk to you about. That being said, McMaster’s failure to make the Final 8 tournament doesn’t mean this is a lost season in Connolly’s books. “If there’s a value from what the whole experience of what this year was, it’s them feeling for themselves what we as coaches have been trying to instill in them,” explained the head coach. That feeling is determination. A drive to succeed. A scratch you can’t itch until you achieve a goal. None of this is meant as a slight to the team’s effort level because that effort has been there. You can see the major steps that some of the players have made. Connolly points to Taylor Black, Nathan McCarthy and Joe Rocca as the players who worked the hardest in the offseason, and they clearly reaped the benefits at the start of the year. Black earned a spot on OUA All-Star first team, his first nod in a three-year career. The kinesiology student entered this season with lofty expectations from the coaching staff.

“Not only did they stay, they laid the foundation. A huge credit is going to have to go to Pelech and Laws.” While Pelech is coming back for a fifth year, Laws is not. It’s tough for the team to watch Laws go, as he was the definition of teammate. Laws left everything at the door when he stepped into the gym – his effort on the court was exactly what a team needs. Although quiet on the court, his consistency – especially on defense - spoke volumes. Mac’s bench boss struggles to say goodbye to Laws, but is optimistic about filling the void. “I’m happy with the fact that I can see Rohan Boney stepping into Scott Laws’ minutes,” says Connolly. Boney earned OUA Rookie on the Year and CIS All-Rookie team honours this year and has the length and athleticism to fill Laws’ shoes. The rookie also has a similar demeanor to his veteran counterpart, as Boney rarely shows emotion on the court. The early exit from the playoffs was a disappointing end to a long season. The Mac coaching staff is optimistic about the future though and not just because of this year’s growth. “What’s positive right now: I think from top to bottom, our whole team feels like we didn’t accomplish what we could have because we were just starting to play pretty good basketball,” said Connolly. The head coach also a lot of the onus to get better on him for this team to improve on the offseason. If this team wants to reach the next step, McMaster can’t afford to put the “off ” in offseason.

Thursday, March 7, 2013

SPORTS B9 S

TOP FIVE: ROOKIES Brandon Meawasige Senior Sports Editor

SWING The people who purchased Scott Hastie a meal at the Swiss Chalet. Thanks guys.

DANY DANIELLE DEMYANENKO BOIAGO During his first year in the Maroon and Grey Demyanenko helped the men’s volleyball team to an OUA championship and an appearance in the CIS championship tournament. Demyanenko also made personal waves, winning the CIS rookie of the year award for his play.

As a highly touted recruit, Boiago received plenty of hype going into her first year as a guard for the women’s basketball Marauders. She won OUA rookie of the year and is on the short list for the CIS honors.

ROHAN BONEY

The highflying Boney added plenty of excitement to the hardcourt for Mac this season as a dunking swingman. For his work, Boney received OUA rookie of the year honors. Look for him to improve next year; the sky is the limit for this talented guard.

The capacity at the Windsor vs. Mac basketball game: good to see people getting behind the OUA.

EMMA MITTERMAIER

Stompin’ Tom, you have left a legacy no self respecting Canadian will ever forget.

At the OUA swimming championships, Mittermaier won two individual gold medals for the 50m and 100m freestyle events. In addition, the Surrey, British Columbia native captured two relay event medals with a bronze in the 200m freestyle relay and a silver medal in the 400m freestyle relay.

To Mac’s award winners from this past year, we are proud of you.

To all of the new recruits for 2013/2014, welcome to McMaster.

MICHAEL KASHAK

Though he did not play every down on the line for Stefan Ptaszek’s defense this season, Kashak made an impact whenever he was on the field. At a solid 6’0” 245lb, he made his biggest impact on special teams- seemingly involved in every tackle on kickoff and punt plays. Next year, Kashak should make even more plays on regular downs as part of a Marauder’s D that returns most of its players from last season’s unit which ranked among the best in the country.

2 3

The Score television network has showed dedication to covering CIS sports this season. However, the men seemed to have all of the fun. The Score was far less involved in the coverage of women’s sports this season, leaving many of our country’s top athletes to go unnoticed for their hard work. Most notably the CIS women’s basketball tournament, which generates plenty of excitement is going uncovered in comparison to the men’s tournament. Hopefully this will get better. Congratulations to Philip Scrubb of the Carleton Ravens for repeating as CIS player of the year as he led the Ravens to another dominant season, winning the OUA championship and looking to win another national title. The Ravens will play Acadia as part of the CIS Final 8 this weekend in the nation’s capital.

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Brandon Meawasige Senior Sports Editor

ST GEORGE’S CHURCH

FOURTH SUNDAY IN LENT

The OUA men’s basketball final four was lacklustre to say the best.

Losing to Laval, again.

Nipissing hockey player Brett Cook was given a lifetime suspension from OUA hockey this week after punching a linesman in the face during a game. Cook was trying to get involved with a fight that was taking place and the official tried to get in his way. The 6’1 defenseman had played 5 seasons in the OHL, four for the Errie Otters and one for the London Knights before moving to North Bay. Nipissing teammate Michael Purcell said “Brett was one of our best defenseman”, his presence will be missed on the ice.

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Thursday, March 7, 2013

SPORTS B11 S

Mac backs student in fight against cancer Andrew Bysice recently started “Fear The Beard” to raise awareness for melanoma, a disease which former Marauders swimmer Naomi Cermak was diagnosed with this year.

Laura Sinclair Silhouette Staff Cancer is a terrible disease that affects millions worldwide every year. In the case of former McMaster swimmer, Naomi Cermak, the disease struck this year, when the doctors told her that she was diagnosed with Stage IV melanoma. Naomi graduated from McMaster’s kinesiology undergraduate program in 2004, and after getting her Masters degree at Brock University, she revived her PhD in Kinesiology in 2010, also at McMaster. She won the Young Investigators Research Award in 2008, the Natural Sciences and Engineering Research Council of Canada doctoral award (2007-2010), and Ontario Graduate Scholarship. Naomi was a swimmer for the McMaster swim team, where she made it to the OUA finals all five years of competing. She was also

the captain of the swim team in her final two years at Mac. This high-performing, talented student athlete received the shocking news of her diagnosis in November and is currently undergoing chemotherapy treatment. The news, of course, affected the lives of her friends. Former swim team, cross country, track team member and McMaster grad student Andrew Bysice wants to do anything he can to help raise money for his friend Naomi. In order to do this, Bysice started a “Fear the Beard” campaign to help raise money for melanoma research. Bysice initially grew out the beard for superstitious purposes for his indoor track season, but after hearing the news that Naomi was diagnosed with melanoma, decided to use his growing beard as a method to gain awareness and raise money for his friend. “It’s essentially just me growing a

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Andrew Bysice started the “Fear The Beard” to help his friend Naomi and raise money for melanoma research. PHOTO C/O ANDREW BYSCIE

grotesque beard and getting people to donate to alleviate the pain on their eyes!” said Bysice. Over the last couple of weeks, The “Fear the Beard” campaign is well underway, with a YouTube video, a twitter hashtag (#fearthebeard), t-shirts being sold, and a donation page where all of the

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money raised will go to the Princess Margaret Cancer Research Centre to benefit melanoma treatment and research, as requested by Naomi. The Princess Margaret Hospital has also opened a special melanoma immunotherapy fund thanks to the Fear the Beard campaign’s contributions. Bysice suggests many ways for people to get involved in Naomi’s fight against melanoma: “People can buy a shirt and wear it around campus, donate to my donation page, and if other people want to get involved with shaving their beards as well, then come and join!” The “Fear the Beard” campaign’s first cut-off date is March 15, as Bysice will be shaving his beard before Relay for Life at McMaster. The campaign has no real end date, however, as donations can still be given to the campaign after the March 15 deadline. “If

more donations are coming after that we will gladly accept,” said Bysice. As for the future of the “Fear the Beard” campaign, there are still goals to be achieved and Bysice hopes that money can still be raised in years to come. The challenge of growing another long and itchy beard, however, is another thing. “Hopefully, we can keep this thing going for next year…however, I don’t know if I can grow another beard for this long! Someone else might need to take up the challenge!”

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Campaign poster for “Fear The Beard” done by Andrew Bysice.

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the short story issue

andex

c2 • the silhouette’s art & culture magazine

thursday, march 7, 2013

Senior Editor: Nolan Matthews Assistant Editor: Bahar Orang

Contributors: Kacper Niburski, Yara Farran, Spencer Nestico-Semianiw, Robert Crispin-Revington

Design: Karen Wang Cover: Bahar Orang

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The theme for this year’s short story contest was “starting over.” We’ve offered our own very, very short stories to begin the issue. The stories that follow are about relationships, the end of the world, adventure and everything in between. Read them once, twice, and then start all over again. -- b.o., n.m.

editorial

thursday, march 7, 2013

the silhouette’s art & culture magazine • c3

A BEDTIME STORY

THE BUS RIDE

by bahar orang

by nolan matthews

n one particularly lonely night, a young girl who often pictured herself as a stick-figure drawing in the world, quietly realized that her one true love in this life would always be her bed. The bed’s love was never tested by every sleepy girl who came along. The bed was loyal and warm and lovely. Each night its blanket-arms opened wide and cuddled her to sleep. Its pillows were the soft shoulders upon which she rested her head. Its scent was fresh and familiar – like the smell of your favourite flower, a fresh inhale and a familiar exhale. She could read with her bed. Or eat ice cream with her bed. Or watch television with her bed. Her bed was a wonderful listener; it kept all her secrets, dried all her tears, and lulled her to sleep just when her thoughts became too painful to bear. But on this particularly lonely night, sleep was just out of her reach. Close enough to touch, but not quite close enough to hold. She sat up, wrapped her arms around her skinny legs and leaned her head against a nearby window. She looked up at the stars and was so taken by their playful beauty that she felt a curious desire to count them. She somehow believed that by counting them, she could claim a small kind of ownership over them. She knew that this made very little sense. Even the night sky doesn’t own the stars. When one star ricochets away with a twinkle in its eye, the sky may be lucky enough to quickly gather its stardust to remember it by. But she began counting anyway, hoping that maybe she could have just one tiny star for each night she had shared with the bed, each night that it had cradled her like the sweetest lover a tired girl could ever know. She counted one star for the night her heart was broken by a boy who replaced her as swiftly as she would have replaced a jar of peanut butter. A second star for the night she reflected on her poor grades and felt unworthy of her parents’ love and money. A fifth star for the night her heart ached for the backyard swing set of her childhood. A twelfth star for the night she closed her eyes, clasped her hands and prayed for the first time. A thirty-fourth star for the night that she fell asleep reading The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy and woke with her cheek pressed against the page where Arthur finds out that the Earth is a supercomputer that discovers that the Answer to Life is 42. She remembers that she took this as some kind of sign, a friendly wave and knowing smile from the universe. With that, the young girl suddenly realized that she had lost count of her beloved stars and had to start over.

t was the time in between that the man hated the most. The waiting was when he worried about everything: why was he doing this? Was he running late? What would it be like when he got there? These were the questions the man couldn’t answer as he waited at the bus stop. If only he could just get on the bus, he thought, everything would be fine. He could leave his questions behind. He decided to ride the bus for longer than he ever had before. As the bus completed its loop, passing by his house yet again, the thought of sleeping in his bed crossed his mind. He pulled the yellow cord and the red “stop requested” light flashed at the front of the bus. He stood to walk through the open bus door but found that he couldn’t. Something held him in place. An older man angrily pushed past him. The door closed and the bus continued on its route. The man walked back to his seat and as the next stop neared, again he pulled the yellow cord. Again the door was impossible to walk through. He wasn’t confused or upset; he sat down with a feeling of acceptance. At least he was going somewhere. He rode the bus well into the night. “It’s the end of the line, you have to get off the bus,” the driver eventually said. “I can’t,” replied the man. The driver nodded. He understood as well as anyone how a person could become stuck on a bus. He left the man alone and walked off into the evening to find the car that would take him back to his family. The next day would become the same as many others for the man. Each day he awoke to the bus starting the same route over again and each day he grew more used to it. Living on the bus had its perks. He found that hunger was easy to forget when he lived so much of his life inside his own head. During the day he met plenty of people, though every conversation was cut short when it couldn’t continue past the bus door. During the night he was stuck with only himself. Not so long ago the man couldn’t wait for bus rides to be over. Particularly when he was going to see her. He thought he’d never forget the first time he travelled to that strange new place and saw her through the glass in the waiting area. He wondered why the bus trips between them had grown so long.

the big tickle

a fine balance - maddie wil ke

the Quran med ahmed - moha

what book changed your life?

compiled by nolan matthews and bahar orang

king lear - pedro boasquevisque

logical approach to di

screte math - andrew azores

er the kite runn

dran

- macy gun

c4 & c5 • the silhouette’s art & culture magazine

COMMERCIAL BREAK

by kacper niburski

n the last day of Earth, Earl Milosc overslept his alarm. He was a veteran and a bachelor – a forgotten patriot with bones too rickety, eyes too weak, and hands too unsteady to do any useful work. He was 46, and as he slept, he flashed a yellow-toothed smile that had seen everything: war, peace, heartache, love, vice, virtue, meaning, and absurdity. He was currently stuck in the last phase, though he didn’t quite know it yet. Even if he did, it wouldn’t matter much. For Earl, it was problem enough to remember where he put his socks in the morning. A better man could be sculpted from a lollipop, he often said about himself. As the world was ending around him, he tossed from side to side with the likeness of a family pet. Awake, he was a man who laughed too much and argued too little. The world made little sense to him and he made little sense to it. His physical appearance was his proof. On a good day, he was packaged in black and white polka dot underwear stained with ketchup and mustard. On a bad day, he looked like the aftermath of a circus: his hair was tousled ageold, graying cotton candy and his voice was baritone, scratchy, and ruined by volatile coughs fueled by the cancer of handheld chimneys. Often, the smoke from his cigarettes floated around his sentences like punctuation marks. It’d be funny. The world was burning to the ground bit by bit by bit, and Earl Milosc, an average man with knees deteriorated by mediocre work for mediocre pay and whose apartment was a vestige of a bygone era littered in old newspapers and Eruption cassettes, would be its first savior. Or at very least, he would be until the commercials ended. * He awoke to a bang. With no windows to peer out of in the closet he called a home, he couldn’t see that the sudden noise was in fact gunshots being ricocheted from house to house, civilian to civilian. Earlier that day, NASA announced that a meteorite would collide with the Earth and obliterate all its inhabitants. They said the news in a despondent voice reserved for the helplessness felt during the heat of a calamity. “After the cosmic rocket has banged through with us,” they said, “the planet will look like the remains of an apple core.” They added that if anything were to survive, it’d be the insects. They loved pulverized apples. Basic anarchy soon tore throughout the world, though its beginnings were anything but extraordinary. Many initially took their frustration out on the prehistoric creatures crawling underneath their mattresses and couches. But after hours of trying to squish the armoured tanks of the bug world, they decided that the attempt was misguided at the very least, futile at best. Evolution had chosen its next dominate species and it had six legs instead of two. When people came to their senses, they did exactly what they always do when in situations they cannot change: they kill. Many chose to off themselves while some chose to murder others. As Earl knew and would find out again, this is how the span of history has always read. It was their legacy, one born from apes who were savage killers, not painters, who roared ferociously, not sang beautifully. During the Apocalypse, this did not change. Those still alive bathed in the crumbling, red-stained world they created and just as quickly destroyed. Earl was different, however. He had fought his wars and lost his battles already. He was tired of people thinking they were big enough to change an even bigger world. More often than not, it was enough for him to find happiness in the small miracle of being able to get one leg in his pants before the other. He wasn’t lazy, just indifferent. Even now as the banging resonated

throughout his cramped apartment, this was true. Earl grumbled, hoping that his moan would bring an end to the noise. It didn’t, and Earl would have to check what the hoopla was all about. The day was starting off bad already, Earl thought. Little did he know how right he was. * As Earl stretched out of his gray bed into pink, worn fuzzy slippers, the high-ho of the outside world reached his door. It quieted suddenly, as if sensing Earl’s slow yet stirring presence inside. Knock. Knock. Earl groaned again. “Coming, coming.” He managed to muster the words through an eruption of coughing and morning grogginess. Much of Earl’s apartment remained dark as he tried to orient himself to the door. Covered in a thin veil of dust, every step left a wispy imprint on the floorboard. It didn’t help that fresh air hadn’t drafted into the singleroom for months. For Earl, the uncleanliness was a prized novelty: with each movement, he felt like he was landing on the moon, and in the illusion of darkness, Earl looked like a mismatched astronaut donning discoloured pajamas and ragged slippers instead of a spacesuit. He moonwalked to the door. “Hello? Who is it?” Earl harrumphed. “It’s Dr. Shimasu, the Chief Commissioner of NASA – or whatever’s left of it. Hurry up and open the door. There’s no time. The world is falling to pieces.” Funny. Earl didn’t think his day could get infinitely worse. * Once inside, Dr. Shimasu introduced himself formally. “My sincerest apologies for the somewhat forcible entry into your lovely abode, Mr…” “Earl. Call me Earl.” “Mr. Earl.” Earl left Dr. Shimasu uncorrected. “…But you must understand that this is a matter of national security. Scratch that, it concerns the whole of humankind.” “Okay, Mr. Shi…” “Shimasu.” “Mr. Shimasu, but I really have to get to work.” Earl pointed to watch on his hand, though in reality, he didn’t mind that he was late. Quite the opposite: he enjoyed it. He was never on time. And besides, no one came to the restaurant where he worked as a cook. Maybe it had something to do with his insipid meals… Earl’s mind trailed. “Mr. Earl?” “Sorry. Was just thinking.” “You saw the news didn’t you?” “Must’ve missed it.” “You’re telling me you didn’t hear about the meteorite that will hit the Earth?” “No.” “And what about the bombs going off here in New York?” “I might’ve – would certainly explain the loud banging that woke me up – but it definitely doesn’t concern me. I got enough to worry about.” Earl spread his arms around the room as if to show Dr. Shimasu the infinite amount of worries that could occupy a man in a dusty apartment. The scientist simply nodded as if he understood how someone could weigh the sum of Earthly existence against two-week old pizza slices and Maxim magazines scattered

thursday, march 7, 2013

on the floor. “Well, Mr. Earl, to put it simply: the shit has hit the fan, if you allow me the colloquialism. All this doesn’t matter anymore. It is the Apocalypse with a capital A.” “But that means…” Earl’s voice veered off. Almost immediately he realized that he wouldn’t have to go to work anymore. His second thought was that he’d be able to sleep longer. For Earl, it was a win on both accounts. He joked to himself that the world should’ve ended sooner, maybe last week. The scientist continued, “Right now, people are rioting in the streets. Any semblance of government has long since been disbanded. Looting, killing, and raping are all rampant now.” “I see.” Earl digested everything he heard. He lit a cigarette. “How long do I have?” The smoke curled around the final “e.” “Assuming others don’t get to us first, I’m afraid we all have around ten hours before the meteorite gives us the biggest knuckle sandwich we have ever seen.” The scientist, strong up until then, began to cry. Earl barely noticed. He was elated, “Great. That means I still have time to watch some of my shows. Now, most likely I won’t finish Fres…” The scientist couldn’t believe Earl. During the end of times, the gluttonous, unsightly blob wanted to continue his life just as he was living it before, if it could even be called that. In a brief yet vehement display of passion, the scientist yelled. “Mr. Earl, or whatever the fuck your name is, everything is going to go back to how it was in the beginning without humans. We’re kaput. Dead. Gone. Can you understand that through that pony-penis, fat fucking head of yours?” “Yes.” The swearing didn’t offend Earl, though he wasn’t sure what a pony-penis looked like exactly. “And despite it all, despite the end of the world, you want to watch TV?” Dr. Shimasu spoke in bitter resignation. “You can join me, if you want.” Earl said it honestly with just a hint of cordiality. “No.” The scientist was shouting fully now, “Of course I don’t fucking want to watch television. I spent my entire life doing that. I want to start over. I want to tell Jubilee I love her. I want to study art back in college. I want to fly to Paris. I want to live God dammit. Is that too much to ask?” The scientist’s crying had now turned into a barely coherent gurgle of sobs outlining what he would do if only he could go back and change things. In an apartment swamped by an avalanche of regrets and indolence, wearing unwashed clothing and donning a three-week-old beard, Earl thought about the weight of the scientist’s words. The world was ending, and with it went the rules, the institutions, and the systems that Earl felt had limited him. As the scientist said everything was as it would be in the beginning, and in the beginning, there was nothing. That’s when it hit Earl: in the absence of anything is the opportunity for everything. Earl could be whatever he wanted, whatever he chose. Social, political, and economic statuses didn’t matter anymore. They didn’t exist. Earl was only restricted by his imagination and physical capabilities, and in terms of the latter, the first thing he would want to renew would be his workout routine. It took the beginning of the end to make him realize he was fat. Next, he’d shave. He’d shower. He’d iron his clothes. He’d read. He’d write that book he’d always wanted to start. He’d clean up his apartment. He’d find a girl. He’d tell her he loved her. He’d give her flowers. He’d make her feel important and she’d do the same to him. He’d call his mother. He’d try his hand at painting. And, he’d try to be happy because if his life wasn’t worth that, then what was? Caught in the torrent of his revelation where he was doing anything and everything at the same time but for different reasons, Earl didn’t notice that the scientist had stopped crying. Instead, a twisted smile had replaced his

previous dejection. Earl was still reveling in his brief moment of pure bliss, “You’re right, Dr. Shimasu. I want to be resurrected, and don’t want to have to die to do it.” Dr. Shimasu consternation suddenly turned serious. “Mr. Earl, I told you I came with an issue that concerned the whole of humanity. Right?” “Yes – something along those lines.” The wry smile returned. “Well, there is one thing I can do now that I’ve always wanted, always felt I needed to do. You can me help with it.” Dr. Shimasu’s face became entirely contorted, “Do you know what it is, Mr. Earl?” “No I don’t.” “To be a killer.” And with that, he lunged at Earl with a knife as long as an elephant’s tusk. * Fat as Earl may have been and lazy as he often was, he was surprisingly nimble. Shifting through the makeshift moon dust like a ballerina, he dodged most of the scientist’s fatal jab. Some of the serrated edge caught Earl’s forearm, tearing a hole that immediately oozed blood. But the scientist was largely uncoordinated, sharing his balance with a hamster rather than a lion. He staggered past Earl and continued to slide through the gray grime of the apartment. His knees wobbled as he skated. Earl quickly dove towards the nearest defense object, an IKEA lamp, and wagged it as though it were as deadly as a nuclear bomb. Dr. Shimasu regained his composure. “That’s it, Mr. Earl. That’s the spirit.” The scientist turned murderer planned his second attack. Then with the wildness unique to humankind, he pounced once again. Earl was ready this time. Sauntering to the side, he swung the lamp with full force against the scientist’s head. Dr. Shimasu crumpled like a leaf in fall, and as Earl panted overtop the limp body, blood circled the scientist’s head like a halo. * Earl shook. Despite killing before, he had never found enjoyment in it. But here he was in a new world, an ending world, smiling over a dead body. He had survived. Dr. Shimasu was dead. For the first time in a long time, Earl had won. But it didn’t feel that way. In an apartment haunted by mediocrity, the black and white and red mixed into the gray. Colour seeped into the floorboards and with the door propped ajar, no longer was the room as dark as it seemed to be. Light allowed Earl to view himself fully. He was a man lost trying to find himself in the cosmos of his apartment and in a Universe that was just as much as an accident as he was. Around him, it wasn’t change; it was consistency, and that brought him comfort. Beeping interrupted his thinking. Beep. Beep. Searching everywhere, Earl realized it was coming from the corpse below him. Sifting through the various pockets in the scientist’s pants, Earl found a cell phone. On the monitor in big red writing, it read, “You’re going to kill me, Dr. S, but the meteorite just passed the Earth. False alarm.” Earl starred at the phone for an eternity and back. He felt like laughing but couldn’t. Somewhere, as the blood mazed its way into the dank hallway, he heard a television humming a familiar, welcoming tune.

c6 • the silhouette’s art & culture magazine

thursday, march 7, 2013

A CHANCE TO CHANGE by spencer nestico-semianiw

eremy was not one to receive letters, so when a drab brown envelope was delivered to the house, it came as quite a shock. Delicately slitting through the top, he emptied its contents onto his armchair, revealing a glossy sheet of paper with a backdrop of daintily printed clouds. As he instantly recognized the flowing writing covering most of the page, Jeremy let out a heavy sigh. Perplexed but more than a little curious, Jeremy fell slowly into his armchair, nearly crushing the letter before he placed it onto his lap. As he turned the folded paper over and over in his hands, a wary expression descended over his face. Finally gathering the courage, he unfolded the paper, flattened it with a brisk sweep of his hand, and began to read. It read: Dear Jeremy, I am sure that you thought this day would never come, but I have sent this letter to inform you that it has. I have been released from St. Jones. I understand that you may not view this decision in the good favour that I have, but I can assure you that everything has been taken care of, and I have received the attention I needed. I realize this may be difficult for you. It is not an easy situation for myself either, but I would like to meet with you to discuss things. Hopefully you will be able to see in me what I know inside myself, which is that I am ready and very willing to restart our life together. Please contact me; my cell phone number has not changed. With love, Andrea Jeremy could not help but expel a long sigh as he let the letter fall to the carpet. Allowing his head to sink into his hands, he stayed in place for a long while as he worked to control the quivers reverberating through his body. When he finally rose from his chair and composed himself, he

walked up the stairs into the small storage area by the master bedroom. Impatiently skimming through the collection of antiques and labeled boxes, he ﬁnally found the one he was searching for. Cracking open the sealed top, he looked inside and, relieved, pulled out an old mahogany picture frame. He quickly wiped the dust from the faded frame and abjectly stared at the picture. “Jeremy and Andrea, 1989,” it read. Exhaling slowly, Jeremy did something that betrayed his normal personality. Pulling his phone from his pocket, he called her. The call was brief, and in short time Jeremy was showering, changing his clothes, and shaving his face. As he made coffee, doubts began to repopulate his mind. Taking in deep breaths, he focused on steadying his shaking hands and taking out two brown mugs from the cupboard. Setting them on the table, he turned quickly to grab the coffee, and placed it on the table as well. It was at this moment that the doorbell rang. Almost wincing, Jeremy straightened up, and proceeded towards the doorway. He opened the door to a middleaged woman with brown hair, blue eyes, and of taller than average height. She was carrying only a small yellow bag, as well as an air of brazen but welcoming conﬁdence. Jeremy paused and stared at her for a long while. Snapping out of his trance, Jeremy apologized abashedly, realizing he had not yet allowed her into the house. He stepped aside and she walked into the foyer. Staring up at him, she paused, and then wrapped her arms around him. Taken aback, Jeremy slowly reciprocated. It was not until she motioned away that he realized he had been holding her for a very long time. So they sat. And they talked. And Jeremy realized he had missed this woman. She explained calmly that her mother was holding most of her belongings, and that, if he consented of course, she could return them to their home in due time. “It’s nice to see you, really,” she said with the heartwarming touch he had missed.

“You too,” he admitted, “I was afraid you would be like…before. And you know I couldn’t do that, it was too painful. But that’s irrelevant now, the point is you’re back.” She gestured to the yellow bag, saying, “I bought something for you on the way here, as a way to say I’m sorry about before, and to hopefully instill some faith in me.” Jeremy reacted playfully, and with excitement he opened the bag. It contained a 16-hole chromatic harmonica, beautifully polished and gleaming. Although his eyes said everything, he explained, “You didn’t have to, Andrea. I know you didn’t mean to break the other. But thank you.” Looking pleased, she got up to leave, but Jeremy swept her back into a quick hug. They agreed to meet the following weekend, which would allow both of them adequate time to reflect on the recent events, and ensure that they were both ready for what was to come ahead. Pacing the hallway, Jeremy felt strangely fulfilled. Of all the possible outcomes the evening could’ve turned to, this was the most satisfying he could have imagined. He went upstairs and filed away the harmonica. It was little consolation to know he had been returned only one of the things Andrea had taken away from him during her episodes, but it was all he needed. Returning downstairs, he went to place a record on the record player, and then resumed his position in his armchair as the voice of Van Morrison came lofting through the room singing “Someone Like You,” their wedding song. The following weekend, the two met at a café close to Jeremy’s house and once again shared a coffee. Their conversation was light, but the mood hinted at something deeper being communicated. At the end Jeremy knew Andrea was waiting for a definitive answer, so he gave her one. It was a bright early Sunday morning when Andrea arrived with her mother’s car containing all of her belongings. It took a decent amount of time to carry all of the necessities into the house and distribute them to the best of their memory, but the

task was made enjoyable by their communal interest in the past year of each other’s lives. Jeremy felt unusually chatty during this time, until he realized this was his actual personality, and not the introverted man he had become in Andrea’s absence. Putting the last of her clothes into the closet, Jeremy exclaimed in accomplishment, “I’m glad that’s done, we make a good team don’t you think?” She nodded vigorously in approval, saying, “I was thinking we could see a movie tonight. You know, try and redevelop our old romance?” “Of course. It sounds like a great ﬁrst evening.” “And I’ve also booked us some art classes! I knew you wouldn’t like it, but I’ve always wanted to learn.” Jeremy rolled his eyes, but digressed. They walked downstairs, and Andrea put some coffee on as she stared out the back window. “We really should repaint the porch when we get a chance.” “I know. It’s something that’s seemed to escape my attention recently. But don’t worry, we’ll get to it this summer,” Jeremy ﬁnished as he joined her. Once the coffee was ready, Jeremy poured each of them one mug full, and they proceeded to sit outside on the deck patio chairs, observing the neatly trimmed lawn in the cool autumn air. Andrea initiated the conversation, bringing up a friend she had met at her hospital. Jeremy smiled, engaged by her humorous storytelling. When it was his turn, he told her that not much had changed in the last year, aside from her absence. “Well that’s good news to hear. Oh and I almost forgot, we’re going to see the ballet in two weeks, there’s a performance down at Charlestown.” Surprised, he asked, “When did you plan all this?” “Last night, I thought it would be nice to get a move on with our lives, that’s all.” Jeremy nodded. This was what starting over was all about. And he was ready to begin.

thursday, march 7, 2013

the silhouette’s art & culture magazine • c7

SPACES by yara farran

“Does this look good here?” “It’s an acrylic painting of a naked woman wearing a dead boar on her back. It won’t really look good anywhere.” “Funny. I like it. It’s going on the mantel.” “Whatever. Put your little deranged painting up. My couch is going in this room. ” “Seriously? You know my couch is way nicer.” “You mean the “I’m too poor to afford a couch so I ransacked my neighbour at his wake?” couch.” “God. Why did we even agree to move in together?” “A) Rent was up for both of us. B) We didn’t have the income to live on our own. C) I think you’re really cute. ” “All very valid reasons; specifically the last one.” “Especially the last one.” “Oh shucks, you flatter me. But, what is up with the music coming from the apartment above us? That guy is always playing the weirdest stuff.” “I know. I hope we don’t have to deal with this forever. This morning he was playing Meatloaf...and I didn’t get it...I don’t want to get it.” “I actually like Meatloaf.” “You’re kidding?” “I’m kidding. Now kiss me.” ___ “This is probably the dumbest thing you’ve ever done, Lidja.” “It’s not that bad.” “You’ve known this guy for three months. THREE MONTHS. And now you’re living together in an apartment that only has one bathroom. ONE BATHROOM.” “Look, it sounds reckless, but he’s actually great. He doesn’t have a criminal record. He’s holding down a job and he’s finishing a double major. Plus, he makes me breakfast and lets me put up my art.” “Wow! What a catch? Where can I get me a boyfriend like that? Ebay, Craigslist, Kijiji?” “Shut up, we met at the shoe museum and we’re not even dating.” “The shoe museum? That’s rich. I just can’t comprehend how you let this happen. Lidja meets Boy at shoe museum and after three months becomes roommates with Boy. Lidja also kisses Boy and cuddles with Boy and...” “Thanks for being understanding.” “Lidja, you’re my best friend and I want you to be safe. Just please... if he’s ever unexplainably hunched over your bed at night with like an eye-patch on...” “Don’t worry Kimmie-Cakes. I’ll be fine. I’m a big girl. This is a transition period. We’re just trying to start over.” ___

“I’m sorry! I just can’t believe that ‘Rational Ravi’ is bunking with a girl he just met.” “You make it sound like we’re committing a crime Lewis. We’re sharing a space together, while trying to advance ourselves during a tough time. That’s not a terrible idea. It’s actually quite ratio-” “Do you know what her favourite movie is?” “A tie between the ‘Kill Bill’ trilogy and ‘The Whale Rider’...I think.” “How about her favourite song?” “Umm...something by Aerosmith?” “Okay. What’s her family like? Her friends? Who does she follow on Twitter?” “This interrogation is unnecessary.” “No it’s not. If you can’t tell me simple things like what her favourite song is, then how the hell do you know if she’s not like, the ghost whisperer or something? Do you want to be living in that kind of environment—with ghosts and shit?” “You just got to side with me on this one. When have I ever been wrong?” “How about now...I can hear you shamelessly blasting Air Supply.” “Oh that. That’s the dude who lives a unit above us. He plays ridiculously loud music all day. Last night, we went through the full ABBA repertoire.” “That’s rough. Maybe it’s a sign from the Gods telling you to get out now, before he starts playing Insane Clown Posse.” “Too late.” “Ouch.” ___ “I love this window. It gives us the most amazing view of the city.” “It’s a real selling point. If we have to survive with one bathroom, the view better be killer. That’s how I rationalized moving into this place, anyway.” “See right there Lidja? I used to work at that building during first year.” “Wow, that building is so big and corporate looking. Is that glass panelling?” “Well, it was very corporate, and yeah that’s glass panelling. You notice the weirdest things.” “You look...sad. What’s wrong?” “There’s you, noticing things again.” “No, really.” “It’s just...from this height, the city looks so small and yet that building, it still looks... I don’t know. It was just an amazing opportunity. I want to work there one day, like, really work there one day.” “The future is pretty ominous from our view. But hey, it can only go up from here.” “We live on the eleventh floor Lidja.” “And...” “And, there are eleven more floors below us.” “Is he playing Coolio?”

“Yep, that’s Coolio.” “Damn.”

___

“So, you got braces in second grade?” “Yep! Who makes their six year old kid get braces? I still had my baby teeth.” “That’s bad, but not as awful as what Lewis’ parents made him go through in middle school.” “Lewis?” “Yeah, Lewis...my best friend.” “Right! Lewis. Best friend since third grade? The guy you talk to on the phone for hours? That Lewis?” “Yeah. I thought you knew who Lewis was.” “I do know! I just had a little brain fail for a second. He’s the guy who comforted you when your dog died, and pretended to be your brother, so that you’d get the family discount at that falafel place...” “Yep, that Lewis. You guys should really meet. You can bring Jill along. We can have tacos...Lewis loves tacos...and then watch whatever’s on Netflix.” “Sounds like a ball, but who the hell is Jill?” “You know...Jill.” “The only Jill that I know is my orthodontist’s secretary. Let’s just say we don’t roam in the same social circles, so no, I don’t know Jill .” “Okay, you fully know who I’m talking about—the girl who’s in all of your fridge photos. The one you call Kimmie-cakes, which I don’t understand, because her name is Jill.” “Nope, it’s Kim. And wow at your awful attempt at covering up the fact that you clearly have no idea who my best friend is.” “Fridge photos—the girl in the fridge photos.” “And?” “I don’t know what you really want me to say.” “What about me and Kim? I know a lot more about Lewis. I could give you a semi-detailed description about your friendship with him.” “Right. Two seconds ago, you didn’t even know who Lewis was.” “At least I didn’t call him Renaldo or something.” “Kay, I messed up her name, I didn’t run over her cat.” “Kim doesn’t even have a cat.” “Okay, now you’re picking a fight with me for no damn reason. It’s not like I’m the third best friend here.” “Really Ravi, then what are you? If you’re not a best friend and you’re not a boyfriend. What are you?” “I...I...I don’t know. I’m your roommate.” “Stop. You are not my roommate. Roommates fight over who’s going to take out the trash; they don’t kiss and cuddle like we do.

Even though you thought my painting was ugly, it’s still on the mantel—it’s the ﬁrst thing you see when you walk into the apartment.” “I don’t know what you’re saying Lidja.” “I’m saying. If you’re not my best friend or my boyfriend or my roommate, then what are you?” “Do you want me to tell you the truth?” “Yeah, that’s what I was kind of hoping for.” “I-I’m a stranger... and you are too.” “I don’t think you mean that.” “You just...don’t try to turn this on me. You know I don’t say things I don’t mean.” “No, I didn’t know that. Should I just start asking you all of these questions? “Ask away!” “Fine. What’s your mom’s name?” “Carol.” “What is your favourite item of clothing? Please don’t say that crusty denim jacket.” “Actually, that “crusty” denim jacket.” “Fine. Do you own an eye-patch?” “What? No. Why is that even a question?” “Because it is. I’m a big girl and I can ask any damn question I want.” “If you’re a big girl...then why are you crying?” “I’m...I’m not.” “Those are tears. Please don’t cry.” “He’s just...he’s just playing a beautiful song.” “The guy upstairs?” “Yeah, do you hear that?” “Faintly. It sounds like a dying goat.” “No, that’s Steven Tyler...” “...Of Aerosmith. And the guy upstairs is playing ‘I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing’, your favourite song.” “You knew that?” “Of course. That was the song to your ﬁrst slow dance.” “Yeah. No guy had ever asked me to dance before and then this song came on, and all of sudden...I was dancing and it was awkward, but it was beautiful.” “Can you please stop crying Lidja?” “No, you knew my favourite song Ravi. I’m mad at you, but you knew my favourite song.” “That’s important, isn’t it?” “Yes Ravi, it is.” “For what’s it worth I kind of like this song too.” “Can you just hold me now?” “Yeah.” “Thank you roommate.” “I’m not your roommate.” “I know that.”

c8 • the silhouette’s art & culture magazine

thursday, march 7, 2013

FULL OF LIFE

ike a ghost unveiled in some dark corridor, white mist hung over the lake. A blue-back tinge coloured each droplet as it rustled northwards, beneath that swirling, visible breath that floats from a mouth on an early autumn morning. A sliver of moonlight slipped through the night air, surrounded in each direction by distant stars. These barely illuminated a tall, white watchtower, sitting on the shore like a strict chaperone. Squeezing through a crack halfway up the watchtower, one would see the feet of a watchman creaking over each stone step, holding a dim yellow candle to guide his footpaths. Stumbling to his knees, he realizes he has reached the top step, and he clambers over to take his post. Squinting, he beholds the mists over the waters, and in the distance, the vague outlines of distant islands, with rows and rows of dark green forests. The forests cover the islands like moss at the base of some gigantic tree trunk. He yawns and stretches his arms above his head, and then sits, ruffling his grey stubble with the back of his palms. The man is on duty for the king. He can hear the soft calls of birds, the trickling of water, waves lapping up on the rocks, and the wind whisking tree leaves as if trying to make them into a battery dessert. The fresh smell of pine wafts to his nose. As the hours pass, he blinks every now and then, his head tilting back in his seat. Once or twice, in some state between sleep and wakefulness, his head suddenly jerks upright at some small sound, and, out of habit, he calls his wife’s name and says, “I agree,” before remembering his surroundings again. Then, he begins to nod off once more. A tingling nose sounds through the night, and he leaps up. His candle clatters to the grey stone floor. He bends down to pick it up again, and then casts his eyes at the water. And then he sees it. An ancient brown wooden ship, one of the tallest boats in the king’s fleet, drifts silently over the waters. He hesitates. There’s something about its movements that troubles him, but he’s not sure what. As the boat glides closer, he studies it more intently. The back of his neck begins to cool. The boat is moving so slowly, and in an awkward, involuntary sort of way, like a three-legged squirrel struggling to climb a tree. Feeling a sudden shuddering sensation in his heart, he realizes why. There’s no one on board. Perhaps it was the wind that nudged the boat’s bells, as a cat rubs against its owner’s legs. But another realization soon follows. If there’s no one on board, there’s no one to steer it. A loud crash snaps the night out of its reverie, as if a shard of ice is cracked by a heavy fall, or the first footsteps pierce freshly fallen snow. The ship has hit the rock. A few hours later, in the forest behind the watchtower, a young boy walked in the darkness. His face was pointed down, and he kicked up piles of soil as he moved. Brushing low-lying leaves out of his way, he reached a clearing and shivered. His fingers shook in the cold and his teeth gnashed together.

by robert crispin-revington

All at once, someone hurtled through the darkness and knocked the boy on his back, and loud cries resounded. His assailant looked down. Shorter than the boy, and dressed in a similar hooded robe, was a nine-year-old girl named Aqueeta. “Sorry,” she said. “I’m so sorry. But could you not be so loud? I’m trying to attack the palace.” Despite the fact he had fallen down, her explanation piqued the boy’s curiosity even more than his desire for fawning sympathy. “Attack the palace?” he said. Dropping her hood, Aqueeta bit her lip. “Yes. But my parents don’t know I’m out.” “Neither do mine,” said the prince. He paused. “But why attack?” “Because they’ve got more than they need, and my family has little. It’s not fair.” “The king has many soldiers.” “I can run under their legs.” “They have spears.” “I have teeth.” “So do they.” “Mine are sharper.” The prince made a sober pause. “Then I don’t see how you could fail,” he said. She turned away from him. “But it’s not that good,” he said. She spun back to him. “What?” “The palace. It’s not that good.” “What part of it?” “Everything. The fancy food, getting bossed around, all these historical things you’re not supposed to touch. They’d be so much fun to smash. But there’s nothing anyone would want.” “Nothing?” said Aqueeta. “How do you know?” “Because I’m the prince.” She laughed. “You? You can’t be. Princes are taller.” “I can almost reach the garden gate.” “And smarter.” “I know lots of dates things happened, and can pretend they still mean something.” “And handsomer.” “I … I am handsome,” said the prince. He pounded his left hand with the fist of his right, as if this was evidence of his handsomeness. Aqueeta shrugged. “Why are you here?” “I don’t want to be a prince anymore. I’m running away because I want to be free to do whatever I want.” “But out here, you don’t just get things,” said Aqueeta. “You have to work for them.” “Princes don’t always get what they want either.” “They get food and drink.” “Well, maybe.” “And clothes.” “They’re all really uncomfortable. You have to wear tight collars! Then they do things with your hair, to ‘make it look nice,’ as they call it.” Abruptly, Prince Salus said, “Maybe I don’t want to be a prince or live out here. I want to be an adventurer. A man used to tell me all these stories about exciting heroes. I want to be one; exploring distant islands, and fighting off all kinds of dangers.” “How?” “You just go places, and things happen to you.” “Go where?”

honourable mention

“Where adventures happen!” “Where’s that?” The prince gazed into the distance. “I’m not sure. They’re places with gigantic grey mountains that wear the clouds like a necklace. Where—” “Well, I’m not sure I want to take over the palace if it’s as bad as you say.” “You’re not missing anything.” “I want to be an adventurer too,” said Aqueeta. “Girls don’t do that. They just get in trouble and have to get saved. I don’t want to do that part.” “I WANT TO BE AN ADVENTURER!” In spite of the previous temperance she had demanded of the prince, Aqueeta’s voice thundered through the clearing. “Well … you have to promise I won’t have to save you from any bandits.” “I promise.” The prince sighed. “Fine. Let’s go.” The two children ran off into the night. The prince said, “I know where to start. I heard a boat crashed and lost all its crew. We’re going to find out what happened.” Passing through the forest, they found the watchtower and the place the boat had crashed. The prince pointed to a wooden lifeboat on board. Unlike the rest of the boat, the lifeboat was fresh and new, and painted in a shade of bright red that was full of life. In a whisper, he said, “We’ll row away on that.” “What if someone sees us?” said Aqueeta. Her eyes peered up at the watchtower. “Is anyone up there?” She did not see anyone in the watchtower, but she had an uneasy feeling in her stomach. “I thought I saw someone before,” she said. “Come on!” said the prince. The two of them pushed the lifeboat off the deck of the empty boat and into the water, where the lifeboat made a loud splash. The watchman’s voice sounded through the darkness. “Who’s there?” The two children froze. The watchman had left his post, and he now he cast about his candle in the night. “Who are you?” said the watchman. He was walking closer. Through the darkness, the prince put on a booming voice. “I’m the ghost of your first wife,” he said. The watchman gasped, his hands shook, and he receded a step. Then he recovered himself and said, “Wait! I’ve only had one wife! And she’s still livin’!” “I’m the ghost of one of her relatives,” the voice corrected. “That one who used to come visit and talk about myself for a long time, laughing at my own unfunny jokes, and stealing the conversation from anyone else’s interests.” The watchman paused. In that moment, Aqueeta and the prince leapt off the deck and into the lifeboat. They began to paddle away. It took the watchman a moment to realize what had happened, but by the time he did, the boat was a safe distance away, and a pink morning sunrise shimmered over the horizon. In fact, he was soon snoring. “That was an adventure!” said the prince. “Now let’s find some more!”