March 31st, 2011

Jordan Kozina set to bike across Canada to raise money for MS. Please see pg. B1 for story

McMASTER UNIVERSITY'S STUDENT NEWSPAPER

www.thesil.ca

THURSDAY, MARCH 31, 2011

EST. 1930

FROM CAMPUS TO YOU AND BACK AGAIN

VOLUME 81, NO. 26

Liberal party promises student grants

On the agenda

Federal election platforms emerging

On Sunday, March 27, TVO’s The Agenda came to Innovation Park to host a symposium on the upcoming provincial election. Coupled with a broadcast of the program from James St. North’s Liuna Station the next day, the event represented the Hamilton installment of AgendaCamp, an initiative to let regular citizens determine the topics discussed by politicians candidates on the show. See pg. A3 for the full story.

SAM COLBERT

SENIOR NEWS EDITOR

Is $1,000 a year enough to buy the student vote in this year’s federal election?

Liberal leader Michael Ignatieff has promised $4,000 in taxfree grants to every student entering post-secondary education; $6,000 if the student comes from a lowincome family.

The “Canadian Learning Passport” will be provided through the Registered Education Savings Plan (RESP), and it will not require matching funds from the recipient.

The announcement has been one of the few big stories to emerge from the back-and-forth debate over whether or not a Liberal-NDP-Bloc coalition will take power from a Harper minority after the May 2 federal election. An outright denial of the possibility by the Liberal leader on March 26 has evidently not been sufficient reason for putting the matter to rest.

The $1 billion plan is simple, say its proponents. It’s about direct federal government-tostudent funding, no strings attached.

Prime Minister, Stephen Harper and his Conservatives, though, have been quick to point out the plan’s drawbacks.

To promise this kind of funding, Ignatieff has noted that, in addition to a roll back of planned corporate tax cuts, some tax benefits students currently receive will be eliminated. Some estimates put the total tax benefit loss to families close to $700-million. Further, the plan doesn’t address federal-toprovincial education transfers or tuition levels.

The Liberals have responded to criticisms by pointing out that direct funding will be of more value than tax benefits to students of lower income, who pay fewer taxes in the first place.

Talk of post-secondary investment has emerged in other levels of government as well. The McGuinty government unveiled the Ontario budget on March 28, which included a plan to add 60,000 more spaces for students over the next five years in colleges and universities across the province through an investment of $309 million.

Campus spaces at McMaster are jammed already, meaning that funding might be better spent on improving current capacity. But with some estimates saying that 77 per cent of new jobs will require post-secondary education, demand for degrees is showing no sign of slowing.

Until the May 2 federal election, parties will unveil promises similar to the Learning Passport that are intended to target various demographics of the electorate. The Conservatives have already come forward with small-business tax break proposals, while the NDP has promised to limit credit card interest rates.

JONATHON FAIRCLOUGH / ASST. PHOTO EDITOR

President Deane: Year in Review FARZEEN FODA

versity as Vice-Principal (Academic) in 2005.

Now, after one year as On July 1, 2010, Patrick Deane was President of McMaster University, named President of McMaster Uni- Deane expressed his outlook on versity. Deane came to McMaster, the year. “The time has passed very succeeding former quickly and I have McMaster Presibeen very pleased dent Peter George, with the ease with I wanted to who after a life which I feel I’ve setlearn as much as tled into the Univerlong commitment I could about to McMaster in sity. It’s a very welvarious capacities coming community the institution in completed his 15th and the people have order to decide year as president of been generous with in what the University on their time, generous June 30, 2010. in their welcome direction my

Deane emand very open with leadership should advice and informaigrated to Canada in 1978 from South tion, which is exactmove.”

Africa where he ly what I’ve needhad studied English ed,” said Deane. His and Law. In 1980, Deane completed first year at McMaster was intended his MA at University of Western to be a learning experience and an Ontario in English Literature, and opportunity to familiarize himself completed his Ph.D, in 1985. Lat- with the University, which he feels er, Deane joined the University of has been quite successful.

Western Ontario as a faculty mem- “I wanted to learn as much ber, after which he was appointed as as I could about the institution in orchair of the Department in 1997. der to decide in what direction my

In 2001, Deane proceeded leadership should move,” he said, to become Vice-President (Aca- hoping to consolidate everything demic) at the University of Winni- he has gathered during his time at peg, then Acting-President in 2002, McMaster in order to map out a Patrick Deane reflects on his first year as McMaster’s president. after which he joined Queen’s Uni• PLEASE SEE DEANE, A5 ASST. NEWS EDITOR

CHRISTOPHER CHANG / SENIOR PHOTO EDITOR

[This Week in the Sil] Backpacking tips Travel genius Jonathon Fairclough gives some helpful tips on how to backpack through Europe on a budget.

Pg. A7

Getting rich on YouTube

Shad gets it

Is the future generation of fame and fortune going to be attained online though YouTube videos?

Pg. C7

London, Ontario rapper takes home a Juno award after entering the contest as the underdog.

Pg. D12

This is a paid advertisement from the MSU.

the

PRESIDENT’S PAGE Nick Shorten VP (Finance)

Mary Koziol President

Joe Finkle VP (Education)

John McIntyre VP (Administration)

ELECTION DAY - WHAT STUDENTS SHOULD LOOK FOR IN FEDERAL CANDIDATES Education may not be the central feature of the upcoming May federal election, but the results will undoubtedly affect the post-secondary student experience Joe Finkle VP (Education) vped@msu.mcmaster.ca ext. 24017

There will be a federal election held on Monday, May 2nd. While not strictly dedicated to educational issues, the federal government is still connected to postsecondary education (PSE) in many ways.

Below are some facts and figures that all

federal candidates need to know, as well as campaign promises that the McMaster Students Union would like to hear.

Please consult www.msumcmaster.ca/ federalelection for updates on the campaign from the MSU. There is a tentative AllCandidates Debate scheduled for April 18th at 6 pm on campus. More details about the debate and the election as a whole will be available via the MSU homepage, as well as at www.msumcmaster.ca/federalelection.

Important facts: • Average tuition costs $5,138 in Canada, up 17% in the last four years • 58% of students graduate with debt, the average being $26,680 • There are 1,112,300 university students in Canada • Over 77% of new jobs will require post-secondary education

Key features to look for when voting for a federal party as a student in the post-secondary system • Further increases in the amount students can earn before it is clawed back to $200 a week. This would allow students to earn more money while attaining their degree. And would ensure students could continue to afford basic living expenses such as food, rent and bills.

• Establishment of a dedicated transfer to provinces for post-secondary education for $4.5 billion a year. Providing dedicated funding to the provinces within postsecondary education will help lower tuition, maintain buildings and facilities and help new construction to ensure the quality of education remains high.

• Removal of parental contributions from the Canada Student Loan Program.

Removing the assumed parental contribution will allow a student who receives littleto-no funding from their parents, to qualify for greater amounts of assistance.

• Greater funding to increase access for Indigenous students. More funding is needed to eliminate the financial, motivational and generational barriers that inhibit student participation in post-secondary education.

• Creation of visa exceptions for international students to work with greater ease off-campus. The federal government must make it simpler for international students to work off-campus, so that they may afford their education and basic living expenses.

• Funding for Hamilton LRT. The benefits of such a transit system are greatly needed both for the city and students living in Hamilton. It is imperative that the federal government commit funding in order to ensure its completion.

• Creation of visa exception to allow for multiple entries for international students. These changes are needed to allow international students to return home and subsequently re-enter Canada.

• Change federal education tax credits to up-front grants for students. Every year, the federal government provides millions of dollars in educational tax credits to students and their families. However, on average, higher income students benefit from much more from these credits, rather than middle and lower income students. By transforming the tax credits into up-front grants, the government will be supporting those students who need it most as opposed to providing a break for those students who are less in need of the funds.

• Development of a Pan-Canadian Accord for post-secondary education. A national accord is needed to ensure post-secondary education in Canada is moving in the same, progressive direction.

A fond farewell from the outgoing MSU President Exciting changes on the horizon implemented by incoming leader will make for a smooth transition Mary Koziol President president@msu.mcmaster.ca ext. 23885

With the final Silhouette of the year comes the final President’s Page as well.

Our term as Board of Directors comes to an end on April 30th. It is difficult to believe that 11 months have come and gone so quickly, but for me, they have been some of the most challenging, rewarding and exciting months of my life. At times, this job can be draining, but it was always the passion of students that revitalized me, motivated me and propelled me into action.

One of my overarching goals when approaching my presidency was coming forward with well-researched goals that I could deliver within a one-year timeframe. Claims of youth apathy are abundant and I wanted students to feel that they could at least trust in their student government – that voting and general engagement with our political processes is vitally important and can provide benefits both personally and for the larger demographic.

I hope that you feel that I have followed through on this goal. Through the newly introduced Mac Farmstand and other sustainability initiatives, the revamped website set to fully launch for

September, increased communication and use of social media, and a commitment to continuity and strategic planning captured in the State of the Union 2010/2011, available on our website.

Thank you to those who took the time to communicate with myself and the Board, whether through surveys, email or personal communication. Your concerns are what power the engine of the MSU, and without continual student feedback, our work loses its momentum and relevance.

If you, unlike me, will be returning to your studies this coming Fall, you can trust me when I say you are in good

the McMaster Students Union is

hands. Incoming President Matt DillonLeitch has already begun to work on his promises to students, ensuring that both Mills 2nd floor and Thode library will be open 24 hours a day during exam period.

I implore you to hold Dillon-Leitch to the same standards (and higher) that you have held me, and I am confident you will not be disappointed – students deserve to have your best interests represented wholly. I am confident that next year will be a huge success.

Thank you for affording me the privilege of serving on behalf of McMaster University students in this past year. It is an honour for which I will be eternally grateful.

NOW HIRING www.msu.mcmaster.ca/jobs

The President’s Page is sponsored by the McMaster Students Union.

It is a space used to communicate with the student body about the projects, goals and agenda of the MSU Board of Directors.

www.msu.mcmaster.ca

THE SILHOUETTE • A3

THURSDAY, MARCH 31, 2011

Have your say, Hamilton

JONATHAN FAIRCLOUGH / ASSISTANT PHOTO EDITOR

Hamiltonians gathered at Liuna Station on March 28 for a live filming of The Agenda, where MPPs discussed questions prepared the day before at AgendaCamp.

AgendaCamp Sunday, March 27 McMaster Innovation Park SAM COLBERT

SENIOR NEWS EDITOR

AgendaCamp is about staying connected to “Mr. or Mrs. Everyday Ontario,” said Steve Paikin, host and senior editor of TVO’s flagship current affairs program, The Agenda.

Paikin spent time wandering among the discussion groups at the Sunday, March 27 conference at McMaster’s Innovation Park, his head down and his hands on his BlackBerry to tweet about the concerns he overheard. “My job is not to presume and to tell other

people what issue is important, it’s to come here and let them tell me what issues are important,” he said.

The one-day event was one of five instalments of AgendaCamp to be held in the lead-up to October’s provincial election.

The first took place last month in Ottawa, in the home riding of Premier Dalton McGuinty. This instalment was held in Hamilton Centre, the riding of Ontario NDP leader Andrea Horwath, and the Camp will also visit the Niagara region, home riding of Progressive Conservative leader Tim Hudak. The tour’s last two stops will be in Sudbury and the GTA, respectively.

Each conference is followed by a live filming of an episode of The Agenda the next day,

at which the concerns brought forth by attendants of the Camp are presented to local candidates from each party. “The citizens’ agenda will form the backbone of the broadcast,” said Dan Dunsky, Executive Producer of the show.

Since the show first aired in 2006, The Agenda has sought to incorporate viewers’ voices in its examination of current political events. Paikin has been looking for opportunities to involve his audience in the dialogue all along.

“They’ve been engaged with their fellow citizens on issues that are of importance to them and they walk out of here with a bounce in their step that they didn’t have when they came in,” he said of the Sunday participants. “That’s what

Steve Paikin

TVO current events star sits down with the Sil during AgendaCamp to talk political engagement and growing up in Hamilton. The following are selections from the interview.

What was your impression of the Ottawa forum last month? What were some of the topics that came up?

ent from the one I moved away from in 1978, in many ways, it’s doing better than the city I moved away from in 1978. Certainly, with half a million people, it’s bigger now ... The suburbs are way The funny thing was, every public opinion poll more developed and way, you could say, better off tells you that jobs, the economy, healthcare are the than when I lived here. Downtown is not. Downmost important issues, and they absolutely were town was the place we all wanted to go to on the not there, which really surprised us. The number weekends when I was growing up here. It doesn’t one issue coming out of that conference was look that way anymore, and I’m concerned about energy, energy policy, how to create a safe, reli- that. able, affordable, environmentally sensitive energy system. We break out into groups here and people What have you heard so far today? come up with questions they want to have asked on the broadcast tomorrow night, and at the end of Lots. Energy policy has come up again, how the the day, everybody votes. Whichever questions get province can better affect economic activity in the the most votes, we use on the show. Energy was city, how to keep taxes low and, in some cases, number one. Number two was how to ensure more what taxes we need to raise in order to improve transparent, effective, democratic government, and public services. I’ve heard issues about small number three was electoral reform. Before our business and about how we stop putting so much Ottawa AgendaCamp, I never would have guessed pressure on small business people in terms of red those were the top three ideas. It just goes to show tape, taxation, regulations, that kind of thing. I’ve you how important it is to get out of the studio and heard education policy discussed. One guy said into the community. he wanted me to ask the question tomorrow night, ‘Given that education is the future, should we You’re from Hamilton, you’ve got some history agree that you cannot spend too much on the eduwith Hamilton. How does it feel now, coming cation file?’ It’s worth debating, I guess. Obviously back and hearing the concerns of current Ham- we could not quadruple the education budget toiltonians? morrow, but he’s making an interesting point, that if you’re planting your flag with education being I was born and raised in Hamilton, but then I the future, should we be doing better, should we moved out when I was 18. However, my parents be spending more? These are all good questions. still live here, my brother is still here, the TiCats are still here. Those are three very good reasons to Do you foresee continuing the AgendaCamp come back a lot, which I do. I am back all the time, idea in the future? so it’s not like I’ve left. But, the city is way different from when I was a kid. This building we’re Absolutely, because they’ve been so popular. I in right now [at McMaster Innovation Park] was never heard of this process before we started doing a really important, and yet kind of broken down it, it’s relatively new, but apparently it’s been done factory when I lived here. Westinghouse made before. But I think we are the only broadcaster in washer-dryers here, and that’s all gone now. This North America that combines the AgendaCamp is, in some respects, indicative of the transforma- on the Sunday with a broadcast on the Monday, tion Hamilton has been making since I left. When I and the relationship between those two things. It’s was a kid here, we had tens of thousands of people always this way. You come in, people are sitting working in the steel industry. That is not the case around not really sure how it’s going to work. By anymore. Healthcare is the biggest employer in the the end of the day, they’ve formed relationships, city now. Sure, people have the wrong impression they’ve formed action groups, they’re going to of Hamilton. A lot of people still think it’s a steel take an issue, they’re going to continue to pursue city, and a lot of people think it’s not doing as well it, they’re going to come to the broadcast tomoras Toronto, but there is a lower unemployment rate row night and you can tell they’re just really jazzed here than in Toronto. While the city is really differ- up when they leave the hall.

we are supposed to be in the business of doing, so it’s very good to see.”

About a hundred Hamiltonians came out at 9:30 a.m. on the day of the camp. As a group, they determined the major issues of importance to them for the provincial election, including healthcare, education, energy, governance, environment, social services and the economy. They then split into nine smaller groups to discuss the topics and to form one key question each.

At the end of the day, participants voted on which of the questions they most wanted to see asked the following night during the filming of The Agenda. Panellists for the discussion were to include local MPPs.

“One of the things I’ve heard as a theme, and I heard this on [Hamilton] City Council back in the late-‘90s and early 2000s, is that people get frustrated when the only time they’re getting engaged is during the election process itself, the four weeks of a campaign,” said Horwath. “Any way possible to get an opportunity to engage people in the issues is a fabulous thing.”

There was common ground among the variety of concerned citizens, even if approaches differed, said Horwath. “Although people might have different ideas of how you fix these problems or the kinds of questions you might ask to get at these problems, I think there’s a really clear sense that Hamiltonians are experiencing life pretty much the same way.”

In the opinion of Juliet Gordon, a Hamiltonian grandmother and former volunteer activist who participated in the discussions, bringing citizens together to compare ideas is of the utmost importance. “We have to bring the issues together,” she said. “We’re all people. We’re diverse but we’re all people … What impacts one person can affect another person in a different way.”

AgendaCamp is not new to TVO, and is, in fact, now in its third season of tours across the province.

The first two were more focused on the economy, while the theme of this one is the provincial election.

Although Paikin has moderated federal election debates in the past, provincial politics are where he is most at home.

The Agenda Filming Monday, March 28 Liuna Station FARZEEN FODA

ASSISTANT NEWS EDITOR

On Monday March 28, TVO’s The Agenda addressed the questions which had been raised at the AgendaCamp the previous day. Questions pertaining to sustainable energy, the healthcare system, poverty, and citizen frustration with politicians had been voted on by AgendaCamp participants on Sunday.

The guests on the Steve Paikin hosted-broadcast were NDP Leader and MPP for Hamilton Center, Andrea Horwath, Liberal MPP Ted McMeekin of the Ancaster-Dundas-Westdale-Flamborough riding, and Conservative Halton MPP Ted Chudleigh.

First on Monday evening’s agenda was sustainable energy. The main focus of that discussion centred around the use Smart Meters, a government initiative aimed at helping citizens track energy usage. Horwath referred to Smart Meters as a waste of money, saying, “Everyone wants to be an environ-

mentalist, everyone wants to do their part when it comes to reducing their carbon footprint. The point is that we have wasted over a billion dollars on Smart Meters that don’t achieve our goals.” Horwath also commented on the affordability of energy, blaming the introduction of the HST for raising energy costs.

“HST, we believe was the wrong tax at the wrong time,” she said.

McMeekin contended that Hamilton has made substantial progress with respect to sustainable energy. According to the Liberal, the city is producing more energy than it did 12 ago, and conservation efforts have been quite successful in reducing consumption, according to McMeekin. Chudleigh, however, supported Horwath’s criticism of Smart Meters, questioning the method of implementation adopted by the government, referring to it as something “directed down from the government,” leaving citizens with little say on the issue, “[the people] want to have an option, they want to have a say.”

The panel was also challenged to propose solutions to the poverty plaguing the city. “This government talks a good game when it comes to poverty reduction.

We have all kinds of plans and strategies, but haven’t gotten around to implementation,” said Horwath. For his part, McMeekin noted that “the riddle of poverty is something that we need to address collaboratively,” explaining that it is not only the responsibility of any one group and it is not simply a question of funding.

McMeekin also criticized Horwath’s objection to the HST, saying that it in fact gave money back to 93 per cent of Ontarians.

Chudleigh acknowledged Horwath’s argument , supporting it with the finding that most people feel that they are paying more with the implementation of the HST.

With respect to healthcare, Chudleigh stressed the need to put more effort into strengthening frontline healthcare. Drawing on his own experience with the healthcare system, McMeekin said he was pleased with the system. He was diagnosed with prostate cancer, which was fortunately detected in its early stages.

A woman from the audience shared a story about her grandmother, whose condition degenerated rapidly as a result of health professional negligence and long waiting times, leaving her in need of palliative care. “Instead of giving money to people in suits and ties, give it to people in white coats with stethoscopes,” said the woman.

Horwath responded in agreement, commenting on what she sees as the deplorable nature of hospitals, saying, “People go in sick and come out sicker.”

The last question concerned citizen frustration. As noted

by Paikin, the issue was not so much related to anti-politician sentiment among citizens, but rather an expression of frustration amongst people whose needs are not being addressed by representatives.

McMeekin commended efforts to engage the government, acknowledging that people engage constructively. Chudleigh expressed his frustration with the government as a whole, saying that those who feel neglected by their representatives are not alone. Constituents tend to feel ignored by the government, making it difficult for representatives to effectively relay the needs of their constituents. “It’s more than just listening,” said Horwath, “there needs to be action.”

A4 • THE SILHOUETTE

THURSDAY, MARCH 31, 2011

Library Hours

Study hours extended for exam period FARZEEN FODA

ASSISTANT NEWS EDITOR

As yet another school year comes to a close, final exams linger in the near future, and study space gradually becomes a greater source of frustration and anxiety around the McMaster campus. After months of discussion on the matter, McMaster will host its first ever 24-hour library. Thode Library will be open 24/7 throughout the April exam period. Beginning on April 1 and ending on April 25, Thode Library will be open throughout the night with 1,300 new seats.

The new exam hours of Thode Library is a pilot project as a result of a collaborative effort between the (McMaster Students Union) MSU and McMaster Libraries. As enrolment climbs each year, students are finding it increasingly difficult to find a decent space to study on campus. A Campus Capacity Study conducted on McMaster earlier in the year outlined student space as a key issue, and students are only too familiar with the walk of frustration between rows and rows of occupied tables, only to walk to the next library in hope of better prospects, and await disappointment yet again.

MSU president-elect, Matthew Dillon-Leitch, held study space high on his election platform and is pleased that he has been able to build momentum on the pressing issue before taking office on May 1. “I was trying to figure out a way to increase study space or compliment what we already have.” Dillon-Leitch expressed the sentiment of most McMaster students, “not everyone is going to want to stay up till three or four in the morning, but a lot of students consistently said that this is something a lot of other universities have and ‘why don’t we.’ This is our chance to get it,” he said.

Especially during exam periods, many other universities

JOY SANTIAGO / MULTIMEDIA EDITOR

During exams, McMaster’s libraries will have longer hours in order to accomadate students; Thode will be open 24/7. offer a 24-hour library service to students. It is important for students to use the service effectively, stressed Dillon-Leitch, “if no one uses the space, that is very much justification that we do not need more study space, and I know that we do, and I know that we need our libraries open longer.”

Thode Library appeared to be the best option for a 24-hour library on the McMaster campus,

based on a cost-benefit analysis, as well as security, and accessibility considerations, noted DillonLeitch, explaining that Mills Library would only be able to open the entire second floor, and Innis would be able to add 200 seats while Thode Library would be able to offer 1,300 additional seats, and Health Sciences Library is under its respective faculty jurisdiction and thus monitors its own hours of ser-

vice.

Throughout the April exam period, Thode Library will be open 24/7, with zoned quiet space in certain areas, except on the first floor. Students will be able to use a Self Checkout to sign out books between 11 p.m. and 8 a.m. The Reactor Café will be open till 9 p.m. on weekdays and 4 p.m. on Saturdays.

From 11 p.m. to 8 a.m., library services such as research help, reserve,

circulation, and laptop loans will not be available.

Mills Learning Commons will remain open 24/7 during the exam period, however, as noted by Dillon-Leitch, Mills is not always practical for effective studying, thus the need for a more suitable latenight study area persists. Thode Library will be able to provide quiet study space as well as computer access and areas for group work.

Faculty Awards

Mac profs honoured at 2011 Teaching Awards Ceremony celebrates staff voted by students as superb educators JON FALCONE

SILHOUETTE STAFF

Last week, 11 McMaster Professors were honoured with awards from the MSU Teaching Awards committee. Constance Ratelle, Coordinator of the Teaching Awards Committee explained that each year an award is given to a professor from each faculty, based on their teaching abilities.

More specifically, this includes “ability to communicate, approachability, and enthusiasm of the instructor as recognized by students registered in their classes.

Winners of this award are also decided by means of a student vote. On top of this there are also Merit Awards and Life Time Achievement Awards.

Merit Awards, as Ratelle explained, are only awarded to first and second year professors. “This award is designed to recognize and encourage new instructors who’s

teaching abilities and contribution to the McMaster community have been significant, effective and are therefore worthy of distinction.”

While there are nine awards for one member of each faculty, there is no limit to how many merit awards can be rewarded.

Life Time Achievement Awards on the other hand, as described by Ratelle, “are presented to one or more instructors who have shown dedication to teaching at McMaster University for at least 10 years, have been nominated for an MSU Teaching Award in the past and are close to retirement.” Like Merit Awards, there is no limit to the number of recipients for Life Time Achievement Awards.

Looking into how the recipients are selected, Ratelle explained that, “the committee is made up entirely of students. Students nominate their teachers, and students fill out the evaluation surveys.”

This year, students chose to nominate 101 different instructors. The potential recipients were then narrowed down to 30 after the committee looked into things such as averaged scores, written comments, and extra information.

One recipient, Todd Alway from the faculty of Social Sciences, felt humbled by the award.

“The awards provide an important avenue through which students can highlight what matters to them as students.

It provides information about what types of methods and approaches to teaching are working - and where we, as instructors, can improve,” he explained.

“After I attended the 20092010 recognition event this past September,” said Ratelle, “I began sitting closer to the front, making eye contact with my professors, and asking questions after class. It is a gathering of the best of the best, all who deserve students’ recognition.”

Teaching Award Winners:

Murray Junop Science

John D. Browning Arts & Science

Todd Alway Social Sciences

Teal McAteer Business

Lifetime Award Winner:

Michael Soltys Engineering

Robert J. Henderson Kinesiology, Arts & Science

Carl deLottinville Health Sciences Daniel R. McLean Humanities Krista Madsen Baker Kinesiology Iris Mujica Nursing

Merit Award Winners: Derek Krepski Science Anthony Celani Business

THE SILHOUETTE • A5

THURSDAY, MARCH 31, 2011

Campus Food

Meal plans an issue Students express mixed sentiments about food services JEMMA WOLFE

ASSISTANT NEWS EDITOR

As another academic year draws to a close, one can witness an ever-growing number of students clutching precariously piled boxes of chocolate bars in their arms as they frantically swipe their student cards in attempts to spend the last of their meal card money before it expires at the end of April. This seasonal sight, as inevitable as the reprisal of Lake McMaster, raises old, recurring questions about residence meal plans.

Student concern revolves primarily around three central issues: quality and variety of products, meal plans being mandatory, and money not rolling-over into the next year.

This past year has been particularly significant to Hospitality Services – the office in charge of residences and meal plans. This year launched the impressive renovation of Commons dining hall to Centro @Commons, featuring new food stations and a refurbished restaurant-esque seating area. 2010-2011 also saw the first year without beverages on campus being provided by Coke since the contract began in 1999.

Until this year, Coke enjoyed an exclusive beverage contract with McMaster, meaning that all beverages on campus – both carbonated and non-carbonated – had to be supplied only from Coke. Last year when the contract with Coke was up for renewal, students voted in a referendum in favour of removing Coke’s beverage exclusivity at McMaster.

Now Pepsi has exclusivity over carbonated beverages on campus, and independent companies are constantly negotiated with to provide non-carbonated beverages such as juice, milk, and specialty products. Albert Ng, Director of Hospitality Services, emphasized his preference for this system compared to when McMaster was contracted to Coke, because this allows McMaster to avoid long-term contracts completely, meaning that prices, variety and quality of products can constantly be re-negotiated with the companies to meet the needs and desires of the students. This ensures more choices for a lower cost.

Every person in a McMaster residence is required to purchase a minimum meal plan that must be exhausted by the end of April or the money expires. A little known fact, according to Ng, is that usually less than $15,000.00 is collected every year from expired meal card money. This is relatively small considering the number of students in residence.

Also, this money is not simply absorbed by the University as profit, but instead goes to financial aid and scholarships, and a food share program in which donations are

made to food banks such as the Good Shepherd.

Meal plans being mandatory and expiring at the end of April are due to linked financial planning policies. Ng explained that meal plans are mandatory in order for Hospitality Services to budget costs for the academic year, and ensure that there will be enough money for high quality services and a variety of products over the whole year. The reason that money doesn’t roll over is also so that the University can realistically budget for the year and not over-estimate funds. Hospitality Services does a formula-based calculation to cover basic costs and deals with inflation in order to deliver a high quality of services.

He also explained that if the smallest mandatory meal plan was decreased, all the other more expensive meal plans would have to increase to compensate for it. Ng asserted that McMaster’s smallest meal plan is $300$400 cheaper than other Ontario universities’ smallest mandatory plans.

However, this doesn’t help student with specific dietary concerns who would benefit from the elimination of mandatory meal plans. Alyson Greaves, second year Honours Geography student, said, “The mandatory meal plan was the main thing that deterred me from living in residence during first year. Because I have Celiac Disease, I can’t eat any gluten/wheat products, which would leave me with an extremely limited amount of food to eat on campus. A meal plan isn’t worth it for me – I’d end up losing the majority of my non-refundable money.” Other students with similar issues have to make the difficult choice of either not living in residence first year and missing out on all the residence life has to offer, or basically forfeiting the price of the meal plan money that they will never use.

Other students with dietary concerns, however, are satisfied with the system.

Matthew Kerr, third year Honours Commerce student and three-year resident of Les Prince Hall, said, “I have no complaints about the meal plan system. I like the food on campus and have no problem spending the money on my card. Also, McMaster is incredibly accommodating for students like me who have peanut and nut allergies, especially compared to the other universities I investigated when I was still in high school.” East Meets West Bistro is an entirely nut-free facility, and other dining areas are extremely allergy-conscious.

Ng expressed how student-satisfaction is important to Hospitality Services, and that a Dining Committee, comprised of students on the IRC, meets every two weeks to talk about campus food issues and makes recommendations to benefit students.

Food for thought for those students burning through their meal cards on boxes of gum and chocolate bars.

University Administration

Deane talks education quality Deane also plans to foster a strong sense of community around campus, acknowledging course of action for coming years. Deane that this feeling tends to fluctuate dependcredits the various formal and informal modes ing on the state of the University at the time. of communication he has had with the Mc- However, there is still much that can be done Master community for the wealth of insight to strengthen McMaster’s relationship with he has attained. Currently, Deane is on a five- the community at large that includes not year term, during which he plans to tackle a only the City of Hamilton, but the rest of the range of issues, with a strong focus on a few. province and various levels of government as

Of key concern for Deane is the well. “Extraordinary progress has been made, but I think there is a long way to go,” said quality of education at McMaster.

“It is not that I think the University Deane.

Through interaction with the Mcis deficient in [quality of education] at all.

We are in fact very successful in a number Master community as well as through communication with those outside of different programs and we the University, the overall offer a very high quality exview of McMaster, as deperience for students,” said We are in scribed by Deane is quite Deane, explaining that he fact very respectable. “My sense is plans “to lead the University successful in a that we are perceived as an toward curriculum reform to extremely interesting place, make certain changes which number of always on the cutting edge, would be really beneficial to different programs always able to see different the undergraduate education and we offer ways of approaching a parhere.” ticular problem or task,” said

What Deane hopes a very high Deane, expressing his view to obtain is “a broader enquality experience that, “this perception is true gagement in undergraduate to our nature and I wouldn’t learning, so that it is not just for students.” want to change that.” in pockets that we see real Deane further explained, “I progress being made.” At present there appears to be quite some dis- think we’re thought of as an institution that parity between satisfaction with the learning has been able to do remarkable things, given experience between different faculties across our size.”

After several opportunities to repthe University. “If there is a theme, I am fo- cused on academic quality,” said Deane. Of resent the University at the level of the proadditional importance is the need to maintain vincial and federal government, Deane noted McMaster’s standards in excellence in re- that it seems that the government often looks to McMaster for answers, regardless of the search and innovation, noted Deane.

When targeting the academic qual- issue at hand, whether it be related to socioity, Deane is careful to take emphasis away economic concerns, industry factors, or issues from teaching itself. “A teacher may not be pertaining to education.

“I have huge optimism for the fua charismatic person. It could be a really smart person who has crafted a beautiful ex- ture of the University,” said Deane. “What perience for students.” Deane hopes to build makes me feel optimistic is that almost evon efforts currently in place by McMaster’s eryone I’ve talked to has been very positive Centre for Leadership in Learning (CLL), in and supportive to see the University do well order to “stimulate dialogue on campus about and thrive, and with that level of resolve, I the nature of the learning experience,” noted think we can achieve great things,” he said, summarizing his overall sentiment about his Deane.

From a less academic perspective, experience thus far.

• CONT’D FROM A1

A6 • THE SILHOUETTE

THURSDAY, MARCH 31, 2011

EDITORIAL

editor’s extension: 22052 letters: thesil@thesil.ca

The End

It really is, you know. The end, I mean. At least for me it is. In addition to this being the last issue of the Silhouette this academic year, it is also the last issue of my career. Now, I don’t want to hit you with a lot of sentimentalities and mushy goodbyes, here. It would be very much unlike me and the cult of snarkiness and snide-itude that I have worked so hard to foster.

I will leave you, however, with a shameless self-endorsement: I have never been part of anything that I love or believe in quite as much as I love and believe in the Silhouette. Because it is the result of 22,000 voices, because it informs and sometimes even inspires, all of which is an honour to contribute to.

And the fact that I feel this way is nice. Yes, nice is definitely the word for it, pleasant being the only other possible descriptor. But of course my feelings aren’t worth a shit to you. And, like I said, I didn’t come here today to get emotional.

Instead, I came here to tell you something. I’ve loved my time here, I’ve loved the spirit of the paper, I’ve loved the work I’ve done, I’ve loved the people who have been through it all with me. And now I’m veering toward tears again.

Hold it together, boy, hold it together.

I guess what I’m getting at is that in my time at the Sil, entirely without meaning to, I became the kind of guy who cares about things. It didn’t come about slowly or with any difficulty at all. It just sort of crashed over me. And look at me now, drying my eyes with newsprint.

I would really hate to sum up three years with one overarching life lesson. So I won’t. But I will tell you that if I was able to find something I love this much, you sure as hell can. Maybe you’ve already found your love. Maybe you’ve known what it is for years and are wholly and truly fulfilled. And, if so, I am happy for you. But that was not my experience. I was 19 before I found the paper, and before that I didn’t think I could ever get excited about anything, least of all something related to a university, however loosely.

But here I am, at the end of it all, not only passionate about something, but saying things like “I love.” Yes, it’s strange. So strange, in fact, that I am making it the message of my final editorial. And the message is this: as you go through life, be prepared to love something. It’s easy. You don’t have to do anything to prepare. Just be aware that one day you may well find something you care about and it will consume you in the best possible way.

That’s it. That’s all. A meandering, baseless, drunken sort of philosophy. But I suppose that’s what I am now: drunken philosopher king. You know something, it doesn’t feel so bad.

Somebody buy the king a drink.

•

The Silhouette McMaster University’s Student Newspaper

TheSil.ca

Editorial Board Executive Editor... Peter Goffin Managing Editor... David Koots Copy Editor... Katherine Marsden Senior News Editor... Sam Colbert Asst. News Editor... Jemma Wolfe Asst. News Editor... Farzeen Foda Opinions Editor... Cassandra Jeffery Sports Editor... Brian Decker Asst. Sports Editor... Fraser Caldwell InsideOut Editor... Natalie Timperio Asst. InsideOut Editor... Kaitlin Peters Sr. ANDY Editor... Roxanne Hathway-Baxter ANDY Music Editor... Dan Hawie ANDY Ent. Editor... Myles Herod Senior Photo Editor... Christopher Chang Multimedia Editor... Joy Santiago Asst. Photo Editor... Jonathon Fairclough

PETER GOFFIN

Business Editor... Santino Marinucci

EXECUTIVE EDITOR

Web Editor... Jason Lamb

And now for some praise...

Silhouette Staff

David Koots: I quite literally could not have done this job without you. In addition to being an amazing editor and manager, you’ve been a sound mind and a friend which are really the most important two roles for any co-worker. I still totally believe we could have run the paper ourselves. Cue the montage music.

Kevin Elliott, ANDY Trevor Roach, ANDY

Katherine Marsden: I don’t know, K-Mar. Three years is a long time to sum up in a couple of sentences. I’m incredibly glad that I had someone in the office this year who was around way back in 2008 and I’m even gladder it was you. I give you an A+ for ability, A for effort, and C- for usage of coloured pens. Now buy me a coke.

Victor Pek, Sports Sandro Giordano, Ad Manager

Sam Colbert: You earned your keep this year, Sammy. You had a heap of responsibility this year, but you always carried it well. I know it took some late nights and hard work but the results were always fantastic. I don’t say it nearly enough, but you’re a damn good journalist and you’ve become a damn good leader too.

Farzeen Foda: I know it’s hard to recognize it in yourself, but you have grown more than anyone this year. You started out pretty good. Then I blinked and you were kicking ass and taking names and reporting stories. No one should ever, ever question whether you’re tough enough or strong enough to do any job. Believe me, you could do them all.

Jemma Wolfe: You weren’t with us long but you fit in immediately and you’ve been an invaluable part of the team the whole time. I have absolutely no doubt that the past month has been only the beginning of a long and successful career for you. But I’m still bitter you never wrote for me in Opinions.

Cassandra Jeffery: I had this vision at the beginning of the year that I would mentor you to become as good an Opinions editor as I was. But then in the first two weeks you got twice as many volunteer writers and finished your job twice as fast as I ever did. Keep pushing, I guess is the only mentorly advice I can give you. It applies to boundaries, and writing ability, and the taming of bunnies.

Natalie Timperio: I really don’t feel qualified to tell you anything since you’ve been coming to this office since you were 16. But I can say that you’ve helmed a great section that seems to just keep getting better every single week. It’s like something clicked in you and your work went from being very good to being beautiful all at once.

Kaitlin Peters: I cannot describe to you the welling of excitement and thankfulness that I felt when you said you’d be an editor this year. At first that was because of your writing, which is consistently the funniest, smartest stuff in the paper. But over the course of the year I’ve come to be thankful for your positivity and eagerness and, yes, your continuing written brilliance.

to the 2010-2011 staff. you’ve come a long way, baby.

to being perfect. i’ve made it really hard for my successor.

to david’s perfect crime. victimless indeed.

to the death of solomon ostero. see pg. A12

to the champagne. we’re reverse-christening this baby.

to peeing out that torch.

to passing the torch.

to the term “pooper.“ it will always be “shithole“ to me.

Roxanne Hathway-Baxter: Stand back, this could get gooey. I would like to thank you for visiting me in the summer.

I would like to thank you for putting up with my filth. I would like to thank you for giving me the opportunity and motivation to become a lecherous boss. But most of all, I wanna thank you for being here and keeping me sane. Roxanne good dame.

to ray from sudbury.

Dan Hawie: You singlehandedly raised the Gonzo cred of the paper with your covert Feist interview. And we couldn’t have done the radio show without your steady hand at the soundboard. I look at you and I see what I would have been like if I had been more ambitious, more successful, and generally better at what I do.

to steve paikin.

to “friday,” but not the bob dylan cover.

to polkaroo.

to unexpected nieces.

Myles Herod: With your taste in music and movies I think it’s possible that we may be soul mates. In fact, you living far away in Burlington is the only reason I can think of that it didn’t work out. It’s been a constant (platonic) pleasure working with you for two years and I wish I could be here to hear your media wisdom for a third year. My biggest regret in this job is that I outlasted the egg.

to abusing my power over thumbs up, thumbs down.

to flooding hosts’ bathrooms.

Brian Decker: See these things? They’re reins. I am hereby handing them over to you. I’m not going to go all father-ofthe-bride on you, but take care of her. She’s all I got, son. And she deserves the love and attention I know you’ll giver her.

Just work as hard and be as great as you were in Sports and you’ll be fine.

Fraser Caldwell: Sergeant Caldwell, you’re the best team player I’ve ever met. The fact that you wrote 3,000 words a week is only a small part of it. You have been more dedicated to everything from production to beer nights than anyone I’ve ever seen in this office. And you’re the bravest fuckin’ bastard I’ve ever met. And I will be back to visit, if only to keep pace with you at the bar.

Chris Chang: You truly are the Chairman of Photography. Except that you don’t have nearly enough ego and are far too beloved to be any kind of dictator. Watching you learn new skills, from writing to layout to CP editing, has been both impressive and jealousy-inducing. Congratulations on becoming an engineer, but you belong in media. You’re just too damn good not to.

Jon Fairclough: Well, Moriarty, it’s been a long road. And quite a few adventures. You’ve perpetually been the devil on my shoulder, and one that I should have listened to far more often. So in Hamilton, when the sun goes down, I sit on the old broken-down river lobster and I think of Jon Fairclough, I even think of old Jon Fairclough, the pervert we always found, I think of Jon Fairclough.

Joy Santiago: Everyone knows you are insanely talented. Everyone knows you do more work than the rest of us put together. But it has been the greatest bonus of my job to find out that you are also the funniest person in the room, possibly in the world. I propose that we spend the summer watching Clint Eastwood movies together. Deal?

Santino Marinucci: Above and beyond is really all I can say. We asked a lot of you this year and somehow you always did more. Not getting to work with you anymore is worse than plagues, diseases, starvation, and Fergie’s performance at the Super Bowl.

Jason Lamb: You are a human “Easy” button. I have only ever seen you working on things that seem impossible and make my head hurt. But I have never seen you do anything other than nod and proceed to do that impossible thing in about thirty seconds. You outgrew the rest of us a long time ago and that fact that you still put up with our ignorance and inability is beyond applause-worthy.

to dick band-aids. saving lives since 1907.

to the close proximity of pizza hut to my office. to solutions. to one last night. it was a good one.

to headphonesin-champagne electrocution.

to gilbert gottfried not returning my calls. to driving old dixie down. to the end.

For everything in these pages and some things that aren’t, visit

TheSil.ca Actually, the website’s a dating site for people who like to do it with animals. Oh, Spot, behave, boy.

AND ALSO...

The paper may have stopped publishing for the year but we’re still on the air. Tune in to the Sil’s radio show every Friday at 2 p.m. on CFMU, 93.3 on your dial, cfmu.msumcmaster.ca on the web.

THE SILHOUETTE • A7

THURSDAY, MARCH 31, 2011

OPINIONS

production office extension: 27117 opinions@thesil.ca

The end is growing near CASSANDRA JEFFERY OPINIONS EDITOR

There is something inherently depressing about the end of a school term. Despite my excitement for a much-anticipated and muchneeded four month vacation, I will genuinely miss the university lifestyle.

Right now, we’re in the final stretch – exams and assignments are overwhelming, the significant lack of sleep is beginning to rear its ugly head, and our once-lavish food supply is diminishing at an exponential rate.

We’re tired, we’re stressed, and we’re hungry, and yet we continue to push towards that metaphorical finish line lingering ever so close in the distance.

We all complain how much we hate the months of March and April, how we hate the seemingly endless work load and constant studying, but when it’s all over and when everything is said and done, we’ll miss this place.

McMaster has been our home and our sense of belonging for eight months and ending an academic year is always a tad heart-wrenching. We’ve developed and nurtured relationships, shared new and exciting experiences, complained about a terrible class, went to a terrible class hung over, pulled countless all-nighters, and consumed massive amounts of caffeine.

We’re university students living up to the expectations of university being the best years of our lives.

To leave, to periodically end my university experience, is a sad reality which I have yet to face.

I am, as I’m sure most of you are as well, comfortable in the confines of McMaster University and have no desire to leave.

My sympathies to those

graduating students who must dive head first into the real world, which I can assume is only filled with scary 9-5 jobs and mortgages; no more Wednesday night Motown escapades for you, from here on up it’s generic matching pant suits and briefcases.

Although the summer sun and break from essay writing is something to look forward to, I cannot help but express my excitement for September.

Currently in my second year at McMaster, I still have two glorious,

has been a success. Of course there are assignments that could have gone better and there are times when I definitely shouldn’t have had that last drink, but good or bad, they were all experiences; periods in my life that will only motivate and influence circumstances in the future.

I have no resistance in admitting that university, and the life associated with it, is challenging. I cannot recall a day when I was completely carefree of the life I have been living.

I am never ignorant of the next up-coming assignment or Silhouette production night because We’re university stuthis lifestyle, this hectic university dents living up to the lifestyle is the one I enjoy the most. expectations of I enjoy learning and engaging in an academic environment and I university being the love my university job as an editor best years of our and writer; certainly both are lives. To leave, to experiences that I will never forget. periodically end my

Without the overwhelming expectations of school and the university experience tedious task of writing article after is a sad reality I have article I would be lost, lost in a yet to face.” world in which the most important decision in my life would consist fun-filled, essay writing years on the of what style shirt I should buy horizon. Perhaps it’s the studious for gallivanting around the bar environment or the anticipation for scene. University provides purpose back-to-school shopping that really and literary expression provides sends my excitement over the edge. substance.

I mean, who doesn’t love to sport I complain when I their brand new back pack on the have several essays due and two first day of school? thousand words to write on my

Remember rolling into opinion regarding conflicts in the your first day of grade three with Middle East, but truth be told, I a stylish new pair of light-up need the consistency of a fast-paced sneakers? Yeah, I still get that lifestyle, I need the exams and the feeling on the first day of university. assignments, and I need McMaster.

My love for school has only been Why? Because I love university. heightened throughout the years, Because I love not having a 9-5 job. except now I can voluntarily stay Because I love my friends. Because up past 9 o’clock and I don’t have I love writing, and most importantly, to ask the teacher to be excused to because I love picturing my snazzy, use the bathroom. What more could brand-new light-up sneakers on you possibly ask for? the first day of school. Who can

Overall, I would have to honestly say they hate university say my second year at McMaster when they have light-up sneakers?

CHRISTOPHER CHANG / SENIOR PHOTO EDITOR

Returning to school in September is always a happy image.

What I’ve learned through Opinions PETER GOFFIN

EXECUTIVE EDITOR

You there, reader. I like you. And so I will share with you some pretty personal information. This article is kind of a tough one for me.

I’m revisiting some old stompin’ grounds, likely for the last time, and I’m feeling a little low. See I toiled in the Opinions section for two years before moving up to Executive Editor. In my time as Opinions Editor I’d say I banged out just over 100 articles. And I read and edited about 300 more. That’s over 400 opinions, 400 distinct ideas and views of the world.

I’d like very much to think that I took something away from some, if not all, of the opinions that I’ve seen printed over the years.

I’d like to think I’ve learned some lessons, partially through reading, and partially through going to work every day at a job that is really about sharing thoughts.

Seeing as how I’m about to shuffle off my editorial coil here, I think it’s only fair to leave my lessons with you. I like you, remember? And besides, three years of learning isn’t meant to be shut away in a tomb like a Pharoh’s

servants. In the spirit of the Opinions section, which is really the spirit of give-and-take, fostering thought and expression, I give to you a little bit of what I’ve learned, organized into three categories mostly for flair and fanciness but also to keep this ramble straight.

The categories are Red, for politics, White, for peace, and Blue for swearing and fucking and all that good stuff.

Red It’s probably safe to admit, now that I am leaving and have my Political Science degree safely in hand, that I don’t know all that much about party politics. I know enough to get by.

Frankly, though, which politicians support which bill, and who said what to the Prime Minister can be a bit of a drag sometimes. I certainly understand the unwillingness of some people to follow party politics.

But I have found, more through my involvement in this publication than through any class, that politics has nothing to do with governance.

Daily life is political. Any idea you have about the world is political.

People, every single one of you, of us, is political, simply by getting up in the morning and thinking and

speaking and living. And it doesn’t matter if you don’t have any idea of how the government works or even who’s in charge of the country. If you think your tuition is too high, you have a political opinion. If you think it’s too hard to find a job, you have a political opinion. If you are worried about the environment, you have a political opinion.

What’s more, expressing those opinions or any others, something that this publication has helped people do for over 80 years now, is one of the most overtly political acts you can ever commit. Throughout my time here at the Silhouette I’ve seen people who have never even voted before who are more engaged in politics than some politicians are, simply by virtue of the fact that they are thinking, questioning, writing, talking about their beliefs and their wants.

White If I had to come up with one single theme that ran through all of the pieces I’ve written for the Silhouette, it would be “understanding”. The vast majority of my opinions have dealt with accepting, and tolerating, and coming in from the extremes

of belief and action. I have, above all else, been in favour of gettin’ along. And in writing all those peaceful articles, I learned one of the more fascinating, surprising, but ultimately sad lessons this job: that peace almost always finds itself the underdog against violence and hatred.

I have heard more criticism in response to articles of my own and others which advocated directly for peace and understanding, than I have for all other topics put together. As an idea, peace simply isn’t well received, maybe because it’s so foreign a concept. And this is not a criticism or indictment of the people who have complained.

Rather, it is an observation about one of the more disappointing sides of human nature. As far as I have seen, people tend most often to think that believing in a cause means to put all other considerations aside for it, and that to want something means to do anything in order to get it. It’s a pre-evolutionary way of thinking, basic and animalistic. What I have also learned in my time reading the wants and pleas of this school, is that a goal is only ever as worthy as the principles that drive you to want it.

I have seen many, heard many, who

believe in good, important causes, who want equality and peace and safety but believe that violence is the only way to achieve it. I have seen many who advocate freedom of expression but also insist theirs is the only possible answer. To me, even if they achieve their goals, these people have lost, because they violated their principles to get there.

If you believe in the good, in the right, then your aim really should be to uphold it even if it means losing some of your battles.

Blue I once wrote a piece that I called the ultimate opinion. It stated, basically, that every problem in the world has been caused by fucking and fighting. In writing that article and thinking about it afterwards, I think I’ll have to amend that statement now to say that our problems are really just blameable on fucking.

The thing is, the vast majority of fighting is committed for the sake of fucking. Some people fight to gain the safety or right to fuck in peace and comfort. Other people fight for money but, really, what is the reason for wanting money if not •PLEASE SEE THREE A8

[This Week in Opinions] Sleep deprivation

Final Countdown

Following Cosmopolitan

Students have busy schedules, waking up in the wee hours of the morning do not make them any easier.

Will the art of procrastination benefit in more than academics?

Sometimes, the seemingly useless information in Cosmopolitan turns out to be successful in the dating world.

Pg. A10

Pg. A8

Pg. A9

A8 • THE SILHOUETTE

Three years’ worth of wisdom found at the Sil

THURSDAY, MARCH 31, 2011

A plea from a sleep-deprived soul

• CONT’D FROM A7 to attract and facilitate fucking?

Beyond that, though, I have absolutely no beef with sex.

Because it’s natural. It’s how we got here, on earth, and it’s what we do here, at university. And, it being a natural act, it can never really be criticised. Sex is really a single all-encompassing entity, and encompasses everything from nudity to intercourse to preference.

Homosexuality, therefore, is part of the exact same organization as liking breasts. There’s nothing unnatural about it.

Now, I’m getting ahead of myself here, and I’m also sweating a little, so let me back up and explain how this all fits into my job experience. Sex and all bits and pieces related to it are a reality. They are natural, they are what people do. And in my line of work, I have found that it does very little good and makes very little sense to deny nature or reality.

You can be idealistic, but you still have to accept the way things are even, and especially, if you want to change them. At its most extreme, this means that Mahmoud Ahmadinijad denying the existence of homosexuality in Iran is foolish.

There is simply no sense burying yourself in your own idealistic view of the world and pretending reality is something other than it is.

This lesson also applies to censorship. There have been more than a few complaints over my years about the way we say what we’re saying here at the Sil. And maybe that’s understandable.

I have endeavoured, after all, never to sanitize any article and, in some cases, to make an article as vile as possible. To me, cursing is integral to opinions, because cursing is a part of the normal thought process.

Cursing is a normal way I, we, talk. I have a lot of fucking ideas. I have big fucking ideas. I have ideas about why some people are full of shit. You can never do better than to write the way you talk and to talk the way you think. If that includes expletives, then you’re really better off just to let fly.

And besides, words, even bad ones, are the building blocks of communication. If we start taking away words, we start limiting our own ability to communicate and, in turn, our ability to share ideas. Ultimately, that’s the most important cause I have ever come across: the basic communication of ideas. There is nothing so vital to our connection with each other and the world, or our ability to act within the world as the sharing of thoughts.

That is what the Opinions section is.

That is what the Silhouette is. It is a vessel for thoughts and ideas and questions.

And that is what I’ve learned. Or some selection of it anyhow. All that’s left now is for you and I to go on our separate ways. But I do hope you’ve learned something or things as well over the past few years. I hope at the very least that you read and thought and questioned. It was my job to provoke it in you, after all. So I suppose that, more than anything else, I hope I passed the audition.

JOY SANTIAGO / MULTIMEDIA EDITOR

The world would be a much happier and energetic place if everyone could slumber peacefully until 12 in the afternoon.

JASMINE KEILLOR SILHOUETTE INTERN

This morning I literally fell out of bed. My alarm clock bellowed, a horrible, thunderous roar, and I sprung from my sleep, like a pea from a pod, and scurried across the room in a frenzy to end its foul cry. Unfortunately, I took less than two thirds of a step, tripped over my traitor of a blanket, which had sneakily wrapped itself around my two clumsy feet, and plummeted to the rocky depths of the hardwood floor below. On the way down I wacked my left arm and scoffed my right knee and I’ve got a meanlooking bruise and a scrape to prove it. Nevertheless, I rose like a true hero and continued on my humble way.

My alarm clock, of course, being strategically situated ten grueling feet from the warm cozy nest that is my bed, laughed like a fiend as I made my way through the mountains of strewn clothing, crumpled books and unruly clutter, sprawled about my bedroom floor.

At last I reached its dark and dingy headquarters and tamed its tiresome tantrum with the smack of my hand.

Then, throwing my shoulders back in pride, I congratulated myself on the morning’s victory. By channeling my inner wit and placing my alarm clock on the opposite side of the room, I had successfully managed to trick myself into getting up and out of bed; I was now free to go about my morning activities in a convenient and timely manner.

But, just as my mind started to kick into high gear and my thoughts began to browse subjects of substantial intellectual significance, such as cereal bowls and hair straighteners, my feet decided to take on a mind of their own, scurrying back across the obstacle course from where they came and plopping my tired body back into the comfy cushions of my waiting bed.

It is thus, in a regular repetition of the same morning events, that I have come to miss my first period class on a regular basis.

And when, in exasperation, my teachers ask me for an explanation, all I can do is shake my head in dismay and murmur a lousy “You don’t want to know.” However, in the aftermath of my ongoing morning turmoil, I have developed a drastic

and eye-opening hypothesis: For many students, myself obviously included, waking up in the morning is simply not a possibility. We try and we try and we try even harder, but somehow sleep always prevails.

Now let me just set one thing straight: I am a hardworking student; I do my homework, I study for tests, I bring home my report card with a grin on my face and pride in my heart.

Indeed it appears that my one and only flaw amidst a record of flawless and poignant academic performance, is that I can never ever get to school on time. And so I’ve come to the logical conclusion that it’s not my fault. It’s merely my pesky, stubborn, adolescent hormones roaring their ugly head in the form of excessive and cumbersome sleeping needs.

I decided to put my new theory to the test. Over the course of one week I did everything I possibly could to wake up on time. I shoved my crumpled, sleep-filled face beneath the cold and icy water of a running faucet. I woke to the sound of blasting music, did jumping jacks on my bed, I stood on my head. But still, in the end, my body always

decided to take things into its own hands and jump right back into bed.

And thus I came to my second striking conclusion: Sweet mother of Wimbleton! The whole system is backwards and upside down! As students, we are expected to arrive to school promptly and on time, with a pen in our hands, many hours before our internal clocks are set to wake up and greet the day.

As a result, we sit through morning classes half asleep, not registering half of what our teachers are saying and occasionally dozing off with our head in our arms.

Ironically, just as our minds begin to wake up, the sun goes down, the moon comes up and we are left there, lying in bed, unable to sleep and dreading the impending dawn.

And so I make a plea. In a world where snooze buttons have become both my best friend and my worst enemy, in a land where late slips accumulate on teachers’ desks like snow on the top of a mountain and nights are spent staring at bleak endless ceilings, I cry out: For student’s sake, please oh please can’t the whole wide world wake up at noon?

THE SILHOUETTE • A9

THURSDAY, MARCH 31, 2011

We’ve made it through another year Congratulations for toughing it out, it’s been a challenge as well as an experience

?

What is your most memorable experience from this academic year?

AARON GRIERSON OPINION

“Upper Decking.”

Dan Hawie

Feedback

“Getting dunked by Yoda.”

Katherine Marsden

Time is running out, for the school year, anyways. I for one have faith that the earth will survive into 2013 and well beyond, even if we aren’t there to greet the next dawn. So that leaves us all with the more pressing issues.

Classes, assignments, readings, labs, jobs, social lives, bills and the weather. Not everyone might have all of these to deal with, but life as a university student is nonetheless extremely busy. A question I ask myself in a spare moment of thought is how exactly should I manage everything I have on my plate?

After extended periods of quiet, I realize I still have no answer to that question. I do realize that year after year thousands of students like us make it through the tough times and busy life of a university student and I can’t help but smile. I smile because despite whatever our parents or “grown up” co-workers have to say, the life of a university student is not an easy or inexpensive one. Finding time for everything in our schedules is far from easy and typically results in many sleepless nights.

Natalie Timperio

at McMaster has taught me. That people are what make life worth living. Not fancy things we buy or the paper we get after spending thousands of dollars and working ourselves crazy for four years, but the people we meet. With those people come the memories we hold onto the longest. Before I get tearyeyed, I suppose I should move on.

What I really wanted to say is that you’re all awesome. I’m sure we all have friends we help out from time to time. Additionally, it’s each of us put together that makes the McMaster student body, and I’m sure as we all heard at the start of the year from our president, McMaster is among the top 100 universities and colleges in the world. That means that we’re all awesome. It’s the hard work we all more or less put into our daily lives that make the university as prominent as it is.

Well, the students and the professors and various support staff that put up with us on a daily basis.

It might not be the end of the year, or my career as a student yet, but a large and sincere thank you to everyone out there and good luck on your essays / labs / exams / theses / whatever it is profs do when they’re not teaching!

It’s the final countdown ANDREW TEREFENKO

as the bane of academia, the mark of a truly unengaged student. I feel the opposite when tackling this The final hour. We’ve likely all trait. Someone who can work under been there, struggling to finish an pressure, disregard the ominous assignment on time because from presence of imminent deadlines a distance, it looked like it would and compress a week’s worth of only take twenty minutes at most.

Little did we know, every possible obstacle or distraction would rear The final hour. its ugly head precisely that night.

We’ve likely all been Alright, it’s an hour to midnight and time to whip out an A+. What there, struggling to is that you say computer? You can’t finish an assignment find my notes from class? That’s on time because alright, I’ll just grab the textbook and – hmm.... nope, there’s not from a distance, it a chance that I – yes, I left it at looked like it would the library, which is closed now. only take twenty Perfect. Well, that’s nothing that some brisk internet research can’t minutes.” remedy. Let me just hit up my good buddy wikiped – come on!

Don’t panic, it’s not as bad as it preparation and writing into one looks. So you don’t have notes, lost night is my idea of a good student. your textbook, and the internet is On top of meeting deadlines despite mysteriously not working. Rarely all odds, the sheer horror the reliable memory, this is your time upcoming due date kicks my mind to shine! into overdrive, and often I find

And it will. Hopefully, my work to be better than usual. anyways. This phenomenon of I attribute that to the difference a miraculous increase in mental of wanting to finish something, ability when under extreme and absolutely needing to finish duress has saved me many times. something. Even for baser things, Procrastination is always marketed don’t we work twice as hard to fulfil to kids, teenagers and young adults our needs for food, shelter, sleep, SILHOUETTE STAFF

“Editing articles.”

What I really want to say is good job to all of you reading this.

I know many people that don’t just ‘get’ school and have to work their asses off to excel. I also know a lot of people that get seriously dragged down by school life and it hurts to see my friends break down. But I know that we all turn to our friends and even our family sometimes for support. I also know that even if it sometimes feels like we’re not getting anywhere, we’re pulling through each and every day which in and of itself is an accomplishment.

I’ve taken some time because I’ve been feeling compelled to express myself in as many positive ways as possible. This is something that can be challenging for a cynic. It’s not like I’m graduating or anything next month, but I basically wanted to give a metaphorical pat on the back and thank you to everyone reading this, Silhouette staff included. Obviously I don’t know most people that attend McMaster in person and probably never will. This saddens me because every person has some interesting story or perspective about life that we’ve never heard before. That single fact is one of the more prominent lessons life

than for less pressing desires such as entertainment and recreation? I say if we apply that to assignments, we get to use that extra part of our brains that only comes out when it feels it has no other choice, or we are trying to

I like to think it is the mental equivalent of gaining immense bursts of strength to save a loved one when they are in mortal danger. So in a way, people who do this are kinda like superman, but with grey matter of steel and an eternal weakness to starting projects early.

I’m going to start using this theory in other areas of my life, and see if results are similarly awesome. I’ll eat lunch right before it’s dinnertime, to check if it becomes extra delicious. Maybe try wearing my winter hat until the first day of summer to really appreciate the sun. I might even not speak in an argument until the other person is ready to storm off, just to really get my point across.

The one thing it might not work for is sleep, as I am fairly certain sleeping at 7:59 for one minute won’t make me feel any less tired at my 8:30 class, but hey, theories aren’t always airtight.

Maybe if I make this theory tomorrow it will be.

“Working at the Sil and drawing boobs.”

Joy San

“Flooding her bathroom.”

Myles Herod

Compiled by Cassandra Jeffery and Christopher Chang

JOY SANTIAGO / MULTIMEDIA EDITOR

Sometimes leaving assignments to the last minute pays off. Maybe procrastination will work in all situations.

A10 • THE SILHOUETTE

THURSDAY, MARCH 31, 2011

The true benefits of Cosmopolitan

WIKIMEDIA COMMONS

Every once in a while Cosmopolitan reveals the truth about dating.

JENNA SHAMOON SILHOUETTE STAFF

Cosmopolitan. To guys, it’s just a magazine. But for girls, it’s practically the bible. Cosmopolitan has been purchased by thousands of women, searching for advice on relationships, make-up, hair, health, and sex. It’s safe to say that there are many who might as well worship the magazine, keeping in in their purses at all times.

I myself am a Cosmo fan. I find their articles extremely helpful and I was actually genuinely interested in what researchers and writers had to say about different female issues. However, my relationship with Cosmo hasn’t always been a pleasant one.

There was a period of time when I began to hate Cosmopolitan.

All of its articles on relationships, such as “How to Get Over Him,” “50 Ways to Please Your Man,” “What He’s Really Thinking”; all of it was a bunch of sugar-coated crap written by some woman who clearly did not take the time to really understand the way a man thinks. These articles just seemed meaningless and terribly unhelpful. And the girls who worshipped Cosmo seemed so helpless that they were addicted to the magazine, using it to solve all of their problems.

Although I hated Cosmopolitan at this point, I read an article that made me appreciate the magazine and certain events that happened in my life paralleled what was discussed in the article.

One article that I particularly found interesting was an article on flirting.

This article talked about different ways to flirt and why it was that these things particularly worked. I read the article a couple of months ago, not really holding any value towards the article. But a couple of small experiences showed that this article actually held weight!

One instance happened when I was hanging out with one of my guy friends. We were sitting and talking and I took out my favourite lipstick (Yes, I’m old school like

that). I applied it and my friend looked at me like I was doing something terribly interesting.

“That’s weird. I’ve never seen you do that,” he said.

“Do what?” I said.

“Put make-up on,” he said.

At first, I thought “Wow. That was weird.” But then I realized that in the article I read, researchers found that applying make-up in front of a guy was extremely important to the guy.

According to the article, applying make-up in front of men is a revealing experience, since most men never see women putting on make-up. It’s an extremely private experience and if a woman was open about it, the man feels as though he is important, since she let him in on this experience.

Another example was with a different guy friend. Although the action was subtle, the guy noticed it right away. I merely looked up at him (which I had to do, because he’s taller than me) and lifted my eyebrows for a split second.

“Woah. What was that?” he asked.

“What?” I asked.

“You lifted your eyebrows at me,” he said, smiling at me.

Once again, I was bewildered. I didn’t understand why the smallest and most unnoticeable movement could be such a big deal. Then I reflected back on that article, realizing that this movement was an effective flirting technique.

I thought afterwards, “Maybe I should go back to reading Cosmo.”

So I did. But it’s different this time. Cosmo is no longer a relationship deity in my life. It’s a helpful magazine that actually has useful information that works, but people have to be careful.

It’s okay to follow a magazine and read it. Hell, it’s even okay to use some of the advice in them. But what’s important is to not worship and depend on the magazine as if it’s your only hope. Sometimes, it’s good to use plain old common sense. You’d be surprised at how useful it can be!

Why EFRT is important NICHOLE FANARA OPINION

It all started out in grade nine gym class. Yes, that long ago. It seems so far away, and yet the memory is so fresh, I could cut it with a knife and it would bleed crystal clear.

Oh wait. I have to reassure you – gym class.

I know what you’re thinking – what on God’s Green Earth does anyone learn in a grade nine gym class? Well, the average person doesn’t learn much. I usually consider myself average, but in this case I can confidently say that I learned a little bit more than others.

We were in health that week, and our stubby little gym teacher, the crazy lady with the clear blue glass eye, was teaching us first aid. I have never (other than in the brief stint at swimming lessons when we had to practice on the nasty rubber heads) learned CPR before, and since then, I have never had to re-visit it. But what I learned then stuck.

What also stuck were the vast amount of girls who didn’t bother to teach themselves, and didn’t seem to care, despite our teacher’s horror stories of her coming to the rescue just in time to save a life. It amazed me that nobody seemed to care, because they just didn’t see it as important.

However, when it came to evaluation time, several panicked eyes turned towards my whispered instructions. And from that day on, I remembered the proper steps to CPR.

Did you know that McMaster University, yes, OUR sweet old McMaster, has a first aid emergency response team right on

site? Keep this in mind.

It is interesting to note how oblivious people are to things they need rather than things they want. For example, you want to take a nap, however you need to learn what to do in case of an emergency.

The other day, not as long ago as grade nine, I was sitting in tutorial aimlessly daydreaming as a presentation was happening at the front of the room. Suddenly, one of the people presenting stopped abruptly in the middle of her spiel.

She was going to grab a drink of water when she wiped out in front of us, a little class of 25. At first we thought that she had fallen (she was behind a desk), but when it became apparent that she had fainted, the atmosphere in the room shifted to one of tension and concern. Anddd … that was about it. One girl (luckily) reacted while the rest of us, plus the TA, just sat there. We had no idea what to do. This other girl took complete control of the situation, getting her into a chair (she had regained consciousness), asking for water, making sure she was ok. And then she asked us to call for help.

But as we looked around the room at each other, none of us knew any other number but the obvious 911.

And apparently, there is no need to call 911 on a campus that has their own first response team. So it came down to one question – what is the number of EFRT?

The girl, clearly frustrated, eventually whipped out her own cell phone and called them. Apparently she had been the only one to make it her business to know these things just in case anything ever happened.

I’m actually really ashamed to say that I couldn’t help in a situation like this. She didn’t

need my expert CPR training, and although the girl who fainted wouldn’t have wanted 25 people in her face asking if she was alright, when it came to calling for outside help, we were all useless. I don’t want to ever feel that useless, and I don’t think anyone else should either. So I did a little bit of research and this is what I came up with:

EFRT, which also stands for Emergency First Response Team, does indeed have a phone number. From any school phone, one has to simply call the extension 88. From a cell phone, one needs the McMaster phone number followed again by the simple extension 88.

That’s it. It’s that simple. Now that we all know the phone number, we can plug it right into our phones’ memory, and then the next time something like this happens, we can be prepared.

Perhaps EFRT should consider posting signs in the front of buildings that remind people of what to do in case of emergency.

Or perhaps people should invest in taking a First Aid course. A little training can go a long way in any situation, and EFRT offers many courses throughout the year.

In the end, it all comes down to one thing – your reaction. In any situation, it is your reaction that can make or break an opportunity to help out someone in need. The summer season coming up usually provides too many opportunities for injuries, and although EFRT is closed during the summer, it never hurts to brush up on your life-saving skills, even if it is through the web.

All I know is this: if the roles were reversed, I would hope someone would know what to do for me in case of emergency.

THE SILHOUETTE • A11

THURSDAY, MARCH 31, 2011

Mac needs a new nuke reactor KEVIN BLAKER OPINION

Last fall, we all heard about the latest international ranking of universities which put McMaster at number ninety-three in the world.

I am always amused when I hear these stories because a university can underscore its ranking, and many do, but no school can ever be better than what students do for themselves individually, and what the student body does collectively.

Mac ranks high, and yet it still has its problems. But it is not difficult to overlook the faults at McMaster because it really is a good school.

And it would not be fair to suggest that its monster problem – an increasingly aged infrastructure with its legacy technologies – is unique.

It is an unfortunate irony that historically cutting-edge schools are the most burdened by archaic technology by virtue of being early adopters.

It would be foolish however, to overlook the faults under McMaster. I lived in the San Francisco Bay Area for 22 years before coming here.

Thus I well remember my surprise last year when, on my birthday, a magnitude 5.0 earthquake rolled under my feet at home in Westdale, three blocks

from campus. Perhaps you were in town that day and you felt it too.

Accordingly, it is fair to bring up one piece of antique technology here – our open-pool nuclear reactor, whose fifty-second birthday is on April 4th – and to point out that at 3-5 megawatts it is very unique to McMaster.

It is the oldest universitybased research reactor in the British Commonwealth.

In a more disturbing irony, April 4th is the day that McMaster Hospital will cut a ribbon and officially become McMaster Children’s Hospital, re-opening its doors exclusively to the one group most vulnerable to a radiological Black Swan Event.

Education, like healthcare, has become a product, hypermarketed to an acquisitive society.

Got a bad hip? Get a new one.

Want a better job? Get a new diploma. To stay competitive in the chase for students, schools also need to acquire the latest technologies and they are increasingly soliciting corporate money to do so.

The hospital’s conversion is an understandable example of realigning to increase the velocity of such income. It is sure to work, because everybody wants to help kids.

We see this multiplier effect already working across the street at Ronald McDonald House

where before long, another ribboncutting will dedicate the doubling of its lodging facilities for the parents of kids in hospital.

Everyone should be aware that as a Class 1 licensee, McMaster was requested last week by the Canadian Nuclear Safety Commission to prepare a selfassessment of its nuclear facilities by 29 April.

The university is required however, to file a report with the Commission by 8 April containing the following (quoting from the March 21 letter):

a) confirmation that the request will or will not be carried out or will be carried out in part;

b) any action that you have taken to carry out the request or any part of it;

c) any reasons why the request or any part of it will not be carried out;

d) any proposed alternative means to achieve the objectives of the request; and

e) any proposed alternative period within which you propose to carry out the request.

My hope is that the request is completed, fully and with full public transparency.

My suggestion is that it includes the option of planning two more ribbon-cuttings. One would celebrate the ground-breaking of a new and state-of-the-art research reactor.

Like the hospital’s changeover, it would attract increased capital in the form of engineering students, researchers and corporate buyers of its neutrons.

The other celebration would mark the launching of a new graduate program in nuclear decommissioning, most certainly unique to McMaster and destined to be ranked number one in the world, suddenly in-demand, and authenticated by the safe removal of our own 52-year old machine.

First and second year students should take note that since our reactor’s operating permit will be up for renewal in June 2014, this is ultimately your issue. I assert that a replacement project is justifiable simply on the basis of sound risk management practices on behalf of the safety of children, whose lives we are already trying to save with the latest available technology and expertise.

As an individual, this is my second effort to launch the idea of a reactor replacement. My first was to inform the McMaster Development Office that I will donate $2,500 to plant a tree on the day that it can be planted where the old reactor used to be.

As an individual, I’ve put my mouth and my money in the same spot, but it won’t be enough.

It is up to you – as one, and as a student body – to decide on a complete reforestation.

Create your own business and reap the rewards ERIC WILLIAMS SILHOUETTE STAFF

Someday you’re going to have to decide what you want to do. Let me suggest that lifestyle be the most important factor in making that choice. How do you want to live?

I know a lot of people who want to be teachers, and yet, it does not fit their party-oriented lifestyle.

How safe is that career when it’s one Facebook photo from getting flushed? Politicians are also under the microscope. Cops are often disliked. Soldiers get hurt and killed. Nurses and paramedics are underpaid and have to deal with sick people. Lawyers make lots of money, but they have to kiss ass and work sixty hours a week. YUCK! A lot of careers just plain suck!

The best option is to create your own job. Running a business often has none of these drawbacks.

The rules are simple: As long as you are making money, you are successful – no matter how little you work, or how awful you are.

There are very few crimes you can commit that would prevent you from running a landscaping business. A drunk driving charge might kill your teaching or political career, but it won’t stop you from free enterprise (so long as you can get someone to drive your ass around, lush). That is the secret of capitalism. Money shall set you free. The more you have, the bigger an asshole you can be. Charlie Sheen calls it winning.

How much cash do you need to satisfy your vulgar appetites?

Many people focus on their dream jobs, but do you really want to work at all? Would you work for nothing if you were rich? Right now on OSCAR, Bell is offering over a dozen unpaid internships to desperate students convinced that their only route to success is working for free. With all the government money they receive, coupled with monopolies in many regions, and price collusion in others, should they be allowed to exploit free labour? I think that’s outrageous! All the government money and the monopoly they benefit from, and they want unpaid workers? Apparently a McMaster summer student is less valuable that a McDonald’s line cook.

While Boomers often lament the slack work ethic of this generation, the Millennials have the right attitude, and they need to run with it. The employer needs you more than you need the job. Even if it’s not true, that should be your cover story. Some employers look for poor people as being easier to exploit. You want to weed them out. Either you got rich parents, or a fiancé, or inheritance, or savings, but you don’t want to look needy.

You want to work, but you don’t have to work. They must want you to have you, and that means money.

If they only want a desperate drone, let them find some other pathetic unpaid Roger to boss around.

You can’t build an empire if you come home tired everyday, so if you can’t find a good job, find an easy one. Focus on developing skills that you need to improve your career options. Get in shape! Take first aid.

Learn a language or a computer program. Read books related to the area you want to work in. Connect with the communities that you want to work in, or that you want to work for you. Start developing that opportunity now. You don’t have to be the next Zuckerberg to make a fortune. If you don’t have the skill, hire someone else who does. Success is all about being in the owning class anyways. Wages and rents are for the Proles.

Right now, a lot of you could better benefit by taking next year’ tuition money, and using it to start a company. A lot of what you are taught here, you can learn on your own. What you can’t get on the outside is the network possibilities that are all over campus. Use those connections. Look around you.

What do the people need that they don’t have? (or don’t even know they need!) Fill that niche, and profit!

In conclusion, it’s been a great year writing for the Silhouette.

Many thanks, have a golden summer, and please, VOTE ANYTHING BUT CONSERVATIVE!

A12 • THE SILHOUETTE

SpeculatoR The Hamilton

THURSDAY, MARCH 31, 2011

INSIDE THE SPECULATOR A6: Whiskey shits: an obituary C9: Muffs: a scratch and sniff appreciation E14: Buttholes. That is all.

Thursday, March 31, 2011 F The greatest dick joke that ever was .

Dead after all these years Solomon Ostero murdered in mysterious anti-necrophiliac slaying BUCK HOROWITZ SPECULATOR

Tragedy struck the McMaster community today as one of its be-tolerated political figure was gunned down in the period which most closely resembled his prime.

Solomon Ostero, a longtime History of Hygiene major, and former candidate for MSU President and Mayor of Hamilton, was shot to death as he drove through campus in his black convertible golf cart.

“He was just driving along and his head snapped back and to the left. Back and to the left,” said Abraham Wong, a bystander who witnessed the event. “But then it turned out that he had just driven into a low doorway. Apparently he was shot about an hour later.”

How exactly Ostero was killed has come under question.

McMaster security guard Jim Keeler has posited that the ex-politico was killed by multiple shooters.

“Ostero was shot while passing between this sod-covered ground protuberance and the Mills book depository,” Keeler said while pointing to said protuberence.

“There could have been shooters at either of those locations, although it’s hard to tell since some of his followers made off with the body as soon as they realized it was riddled with holes.”

The circumstances surrounding Ostero’s death are particularly suspicious considering that he had only recently thrown his hat into the ring for the upcoming Canadian federal election.

Running on a fascist necrophiliac platform, as he had in three consecutive student union and one municipal election, Ostero was branded the people’s candidate early in the race.

“He was so popular,” said a teary Professor H.R. “Stretch” Armstrong, who was a long-time cohort of Ostero’s.

“Not amongst people,

Bye Bye Bucky!

by Peter Goffin, Special to The Speculator

maybe but certainly in the morgue he was very well regarded. There was an old saying I just came up with that Solomon, or ‘You,’ as I called him, never met a corpse who had a bad word to say about him.”

Other acquaintances, however, paint a different picture.

“Sure he claimed to be a necrophiliac of the people,” said

former aide Johnny St. Huebert, “but he came from one of those upper-class East-coast intellectual necrophiliac families with strong ties to industry. The whole scene was very snobby about the class of corpses he associated with. It was one of the reasons I quit his mayoral campaign.”

Though there is no doubt a

After three years and 15 metric tones of degrading filth, The Speculator’s Buck Horowitz is hanging up his typewriter and retiring. “He was the best pseudonym I ever worked with,” said Managing Editor Julian Scheisskopf.

“He could just sit there stroking out a long story until his arms were sore.”

In this exclusive interview, Horowitz discusses life, love, and disease as he rides nude into a DayGlo sunset.

PG: How have you changed since you began this job?

BH: I think I’ve learned that good journalism is about the details.

PG: For example?

BH: Well, if you look at my early work – like, my first article, back in 2008, was about a guy who banged his mom and tried to blind himself by looking at the sun. I wrote 700 words on him and didn’t even think to ask who was on top. Rookie mistake.

PG: What was your favourite article to write?

BH: Well I thoroughly enjoyed bugging the White House during the Obama inauguration, but I am still very partial to what has become known as “the Page of Dicks”. It was an open letter I wrote in response to a reader who complained about the use of the term “dick joke” in The Speculator. It allowed me the chance to really take a philosophical stance on dick jokes and make an intelligent defense of my work. I also covered the entire page with pictures of common objects that look like cocks.

PG: Who was your favourite interview subject?

BH: Well, my interviews with God, Satan, and Jesus Christ, were all tops.

great deal of devastation in the affluent corpse circles, and perhaps the Ostero family, it is the students of McMaster who have been most burdened by these tragic events.

“I’m in a Peace Studies seminar and they’re making us write an essay on this ass-hole for extra credit,” said fourth-year Peace Studies student Maggie Quant-Yeo-

man. “My prof says he’s a modernday Gnand...Gnu... Ghan-something. You know, the African guy with the eating disorder.”

When asked for confirmation, Professor of Peace Studies, Dr. Marvin Heller said, “Yes, it’s true.

Getting a credit in Peace Studies really is that easy.”

I found Satan to be the most compelling, particularly his stories about the entertainment industry.

PG: Is this a true retirement? We’ve seen you reneg on promises to quit before.

BH: Well it’s hard to – I mean I guess you’re referring to the time last year that I said I was eloping. I had met a girl, her name escapes me now, but I remember she had deliciously attractive shins. But it didn’t work out.

She jumped out a window at my parents’ house and started running for the highway.

PG: So you came back.

BH: Yes, right, I came back. But this time, it’s official. I’m done, at least until I come back next time.

PG: Do you have any plans for the future? Where are you taking your talents?

BH: Thailand maybe. They need copywriters to help them advertise the rub and tug shops. There’s a real Maddison Avenue thing happening over there and I’d like to get in on the ground floor. Incidentally, In Your Ground Floor is the name of one of the more popular shops.

PG: We’ll miss you Buck.

BH: I’ll miss you too, pal. And may I just say, you’re handsomer than anyone gives you credit for.

“What Did You Learn This Year, Timmy?”

“I learned that three years went faster than my dignity did.”

Disclaimer: Stories printed in The Hamilton Speculator are fact. Any resemblance to persons real or dead is likely intentional and done out of spite. Opinions expressed are those of The Speculator and if you disagree with them you are wrong. And stupid. Possibly ugly as well.

THE SILHOUETTE • B1

THURSDAY, MARCH 31, 2011

SPORTS Athletics & Recreation

Jordan Kozina

Assessing Taking it to the streets the state of Football star Kozina treking across Canada for MS Marauder athletics FRASER CALDWELL

ASSISTANT SPORTS EDITOR

March has come to a close, and with it, the Marauders’ athletic season. The yearly phenomenon that kicked off with the onset of the football season, and closed with the championship runs of the squash and badminton teams is finally behind us.

For McMaster’s Director of Athletics and Recreation Jeff Giles, this time of year marks the end of the performance facet of his department’s role, and begins the inevitable onslaught of questions and assessments of success which the end of any sporting campaign entail.

Catching up with Giles in a rare moment of freedom from his busy appointment schedule, the de facto leader of the university’s athletic efforts paints the year enjoyed by his department as one characterized by mixed results.

First and foremost, the Marauders experienced a few pleasant surprises, garnering winning performances from several teams who were expected to be less than perfect in a rebuilding stage.

“We made some major strides this year. This was a year of transition in many ways,” said Giles. “We had some teams do well that we maybe didn’t expect to do as well, and a few teams that we expected to do better that are in transition, and that we hope will do better next year.”

“Our men’s volleyball team was a real surprise and a pleasant one. It was one of the great surprises that they won OUAs and went on to the national tournament. Our men’s lacrosse team winning the national championship was another example of a group that surprised us this year,” said Giles.

Exhibiting his own competitive spirit, the Athletic Director expressed the satisfaction that he and the program as a whole experienced in besting longtime rivals Western in two separate championship games. The Marauders topped the Mustangs to clinch provincial titles in men’s rugby and men’s volleyball this season.

On the financial side of the business, Giles praised the groundwork laid by the “Colour Your Passion” campaign, while suggesting that work remained to be done • PLEASE SEE GILES, B3

CHRISTOPHER CHANG / SENIOR PHOTO EDITOR

McMaster Athletic Director Jeff Giles sat down with the Silhouette to discuss the state of Marauder athletics.

TYLER HAYWARD / SILHOUETTE STAFF

Running back Jordan Kozina kicked off his Trek 4 MS, a cross-Canada fundraising bike ride, campaign this week.

BRIAN DECKER SPORTS EDITOR

When examining his post-graduation future, Jordan Kozina wasn’t sure what his plans would be; all he knew was that he wanted to take a bike ride to think about it.

A star running back on McMaster’s football team for four seasons, many are familiar with the Brantford native’s penchant for getting first downs and marching his team up the field. But this summer, Kozina will be covering territory in a whole different way.

The ride that was meant to help him figure life out has turned in to a major undertaking itself: this summer, Kozina will be cycling across Canada to raise money and awareness for the Multiple Sclerosis Society of Canada.

“I didn’t know what I was going to do. I just thought of taking a bike ride and thinking about it,” he said as if implying an afternoon stroll around town.

But once the history student starting getting some attention for his trek, the idea really got rolling.

“When I was planning it, I said to myself ‘this seems like something people might want to get behind,’ and I thought I would raise some money and do some good while I’m doing it,” said Kozina, at the campaign’s kickoff event this past Tuesday, riding a stationary bike from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. in the McMaster University Student Centre.

Multiple Sclerosis, commonly known as MS, is the world’s most common central nervous system disease. It’s an unpredictable disease that attacks the Myelin (protective wrapping) of the brain and spinal cord.

Victims of the disease suffer from a wide range of symptoms, notably the loss of vision, balance, mobility, hearing and

memory. It’s a debilitating sickness that in most cases alters a victim’s life completely and permanently.

The disease is particularly common in Canada; an average of three Canadians per day are diagnosed with MS, and 240 in every 100,000 Canadians are diagnosed at some point, the highest rate in the world.

For Kozina, associating his trek with MS was an easy decision to make. In January, his aunt Mary passed away after a lengthy battle with the disease.

“MS is one disease that’s always been close to me. … I knew my Aunt Mar more as a kid, so I didn’t understand what she went through. It was only recently when things regressed and I started to notice it.”

Originally, he considered doing fundraising for acquired brain injury after a high school friend was severely injured in a car crash in Spain. But with his friend’s improved health and the passing of his aunt, it became clear that supporting the MS Society was the way to go.

“With my aunt passing and my friend being diagnosed, I was just like … it’s got to be MS,” said Kozina. “She was the first passing in my family, which affects people in different ways. It motivated me to do this.”

“I never knew her without it,” he adds.

As far as a cross-Canada journey, Jeff Dale, Chair of the Brantford chapter of the MS Society of Canada, says Kozina’s task is unprecedented.

“This is the first time I know of that anyone has done this for our cause. What Jordan is undertaking here is nothing short of phenomenal,” said Dale.

Flying out to British Columbia on June 12, the journey will begin in Tofino, BC and end in Cape Spear, NFLD – a total of over 9,000 km. Kozina is hoping the trek will take

him “around three months,” and will consist of daily bike rides and stops at campsites.

Kozina has set a fundraising goal of $100,000, but wants to “blow that out of the water,” in terms of money and awareness raised.

While the journey is certainly a physically demanding task, Kozina’s impressive football – and rugby – resumé should put to rest any doubts about the 24-year old breaking down physically.

In four seasons with the Marauder football squad, Kozina totaled 2,439 rushing yards, including 1,191 as a rookie when he was named an OUA All-Star. Also a deft receiver, Kozina played a hybrid back position for McMaster the past two seasons, making the Marauder offence one of the most dangerous in the country.

But while he’s well known for his football career, his time as a rugby player is perhaps more impressive. A former member of Canada’s under-19 and -21 national teams, Kozina took a two-year hiatus from McMaster, enrolled at the University of Victoria and suited up for Canada at the Rugby Sevens World Cup in 2009.

“Hopefully I won’t be too skinny and lose too much weight on this trip,” joked the 210-pounder, who plans to return to the pitch with the Brantford Harlequins club team after his journey is finished.

While rugby and football have been Kozina’s passion for years, they’ll take a backseat to cycling for the next few months as the campaign gets underway. At its onset, the long journey and lofty fundraising goals are daunting. But as the launch date approaches, Kozina is simply excited to hit the road on his bike.

“I’m dreaming big with this. I feel like it’s attainable. Goals are meant to be broken.”

[This Week in Sports] Raptors on rebuild The sports editorial makes the case that Bryan Colangelo and Jay Triano of the Toronto Raptors deserve a second chance.

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Dennis Menaces With her brother Brendan already a Marauder mainstay, recruit Emily Dennis adds to the Mac volleyball family.

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Point Guard Poise Our Meet a Marauder feature gets to know women’s baller Vanessa Bonomo, who dishes on pre-game rituals and warm-up tunes.

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B2 • THE SILHOUETTE

THURSDAY, MARCH 31, 2011

THE SKINNY

What You Need To Know This Week In Sports Sports Editorial

Story of the Year

Cleaning house won’t fix Raps BRIAN DECKER SPORTS EDITOR

The Toronto Raptors have a lot of questions to answer this summer.

Never mind the ownership sale of parent company Maple Leaf Sports and Entertainment, the Raptors will have their own questions to answer, mainly about the braintrust and coaching staff that has overseen their demise to becoming (once again) one of the worst teams in the NBA.

Just a few short years removed from being considered a team on the rise with a young, exciting core of players, the lovable loser Raps have returned to their usual spot in the proverbial basement of the league.

What’s worse is that this season isn’t just bad; it’s bad even by Raptors standards. At 20-54 on the year, the Raps are on pace to finish with the third-worst record in franchise history – a level of incompetence once only associated with purple pinstripes and games at the SkyDome.

This summer, the jobs of the architects of this stunning mediocrity are up for renewal. The contracts of President and GM Bryan Colangelo and head coach Jay Triano run out, and it’s up to the rest of the organization to decide whether they come back.

On paper, it seems easy to figure out; after a promising first season in which he was named NBA Executive of the Year, Colangelo has seen his team make the playoffs just once, and never advancing past the first round.

He’s made a number of blockbuster deals that, while looking like good moves at first, blew up in the Raptors’ faces and turned into spectacular failures. Prized acquisitions TJ Ford, Jermaine O’Neal and Hedo Turkoglu all ended up being unwanted commodities by the end of their days as Raptors.

Triano, meanwhile, took from predecessor Sam Mitchell what was an incredibly poor defensive team and turned it into another incredibly poor defensive team. The Raps’ most glaring weaknesses when he took over are still their biggest downfalls today.

Raptors fans certainly have no shortage of qualms with the franchise leaders who have overseen their team’s demise. But while it might provide momentary satisfaction to see a total rebuild, those fans owe it to themselves to ask whether a proverbial trip to the chopping block is really worth it.

Consider that since Chris Bosh, the franchise’s all-time leading scorer, left last summer, the team has effectively been in a rebuilding situation. Sure, they’re not loaded with superstar talent or oodles of cap room, but a few talented pieces like wing scorer DeMar DeRozan and big men Ed Davis and Amir Johnson, the Raps have at the very least a few bright spots.

But even aside from having a few talented cornerstones, gutting the front office might not even be a good idea.

Colangelo, while no stranger to failed transactions, has had his share of brilliant moves. He stole Johnson from the Milwaukee Bucks, managed to trade the once-untradeable contract of Turkoglu and has made solid draft picks the past few seasons. He’s proven himself to be a master architect of complicated trades, able to facilitate multi-team transactions and clear cap room with the best of them.

And as for Triano, his meager win-loss record isn’t a fair indication of his coaching chops. He’s been given a brutal team to try and coach through a season; it’s not easy winning games when your starting lineup often consists of players like Joey Dorsey and Julian Wright, both journeymen at best.

And yet, even with this squad, the coach has managed spirited wins over Dallas, Chicago, Boston and Oklahoma City – four of the league’s best teams and legitimate title contenders.

Indeed, blowing up the whole team’s structure doesn’t make sense. No one expected title contention from the Raptors this year, and starting over again would mean throwing away a year of lessons learned. With a young team, growing together as a nucleus is important, and even a year of losing together helps in the learning process.

There’s also the question of what to do with Andrea Bargnani, the team’s seven-foot leading scorer, who, while sublimely talented, might be one of the worst rebounders and defenders in the league.

While Bargnani hasn’t shown himself to a franchise player, he’s at least worth something; he’s a 22 point-per-game scorer while always being the central focus of opposing defences, and helps provide the mismatches and double teams so critical to running an NBA offence. With a large but not crippling contract, Bargnani is the kind of player worth keeping around while other players develop.

No one’s going to mistake the Raptors for a team with a bright future immediately ahead of them. And while the men who have led them to their current state of affairs haven’t exactly led them to the Promised Land, it might be worth keeping them around and giving them another chance.

After all, it can’t get any worse.

2010 World Cup in South Africa Last summer’s World Cup provided all of the drama and intrigue that one would hope for in the most watched event on the planet. The tournament boasted gigantic crowds, star-making performances, and marked the emergence of the notorious vuvuzela. In the end, it was Spain that finally claimed it’s first World Cup title.

WIKIMEDIA COMMONS

Failure of the Year

The Decision There has been no worse choice on the part of a professional athlete in recent memory than that of Lebron James to stage The Decision. Designed

by James and his public relations army to boost his image and draw attention to his move from Cleveland, the contrived television event backfired. James has been a pariah ever since.

A big friggin’ thanks, y’all It’s the last issue of the year. We’d like to extend some thanks.

First, to the readers who check our pages each week. You make this all possible.

Second, to the coaches and players we interview after games and practices. We’re convinced we could go to a thousand schools and never find a group as comfortable, accomodating and friendly as the one here at McMaster.

Third, to our volunteers. You guys friggin’ rock.

Finally, to the athletes, coaches, trainers and everyone else we write about. We do what we do because what you do is great.

Thanks, everyone. It’s been a slice.

Sincerely, Silhouette Sports

WIKIMEDIA COMMONS

Top 5

2010-11 Marauder Sports Moments 1a. Men’s Volleyball title win over Western

Want our jobs?

Apply for the Sports and Assistant Sports Editor jobs! send cover letters and resumes to: thesil@thesil.ca Applications due by Friday, April 8th Get on it!

1b. Men’s Rugby title win over Western 3. Jessica Pearo wins CIS gold 4. Men’s Lacrosse wins CUFLA title 5. Justin Glover signs with Roughriders

Just in case you didn’t get enugh Sil Sports this year, check the shelves next week for the Silhouette Sports Magazine. It’s going to be tight, friend.

THE SILHOUETTE • B3

THURSDAY, MARCH 31, 2011

Athletics & Recreation

Giles reviews Mac in 2010-11

CHRISTOPHER CHANG / SENIOR PHOTO EDITOR

McMaster teams won three championships this year, while fan interest was targeted through the ‘Colour Your Passion’ campaign.

• CONT’D FROM B1 toward that end.

“I think there are things that we could do better, but I see success in the program in the sheer amount of maroon I see on campus,” said Giles. “Working out at The Pulse, you see many people sporting the clothing. It’s definitely caught on and we’re pleased with it.

There’s room to take it to another level, but it’s a good start.”

The department’s efforts to link the Marauders with major ath-

letic brands undoubtedly contributed to the success of McMaster’s new line of merchandise. Giles acknowledges that tying the Marauder name to items that students would be proud to wear was a central goal of the “Colour Your Pasion” campaign.

“Opening the Maroon Shop and having those major brands available was a big step for us,” said Giles. “Being able to wear the Adidas and Under Armour brands that our athletes wear is great, but they’re also the brands that people

will go out and buy on their own time.”

In addition to the muchpublicized “Colour Your Passion” campaign, McMaster’s Athletics and Recreation Department garnered a number of sponsorship deals over the course of the season that address a number of concerns for Marauder athletes. Giles explains that these agreements were expressly sought where areas of common interest existed between corporate partners and the department itself.

Feedback

“For a sponsorship to be successful it has to provide some value for us, and more importantly, it has to provide corporate partners some value in terms of positive image or consumption,” said Giles.

The director cited the Husky Oil partnership as a primary example of such. With a demanding travel schedule spanning countless teams, the Athletic and Recreation Department has considerable fuel needs. Husky for its part, is eager to secure a guaranteed customer of the size and scope of the Marauders. In

that light, the resulting partnership becomes something of a no-brainer.

Other partnerships however, have provided a measure of controversy for the department, and Giles quickly moved to defend the department’s recent deals with McDonald’s and Budweiser.

Some have questioned the message inherent in this year’s Big Mac of the Game promotion, which rewarded the top players in Marauder basketball and volleyball games at the Burridge Gym with a year’s supply of Big Mac sandwiches. However, Giles argues that the partnership is entirely valid when viewed with moderation in mind.

“We believe in enjoying everything in moderation,” said Giles. “We don’t expect our student athletes to be eating a Big Mac every day. But if they want to eat one once a week, or every two weeks, it becomes a good promotion.”

In moving the program forward, the director indicates that his priority is to meet the financial strains felt by he and his peers across the country without resorting to cutting programs.

“We’re not changing anything or cutting any sports. Some schools are cutting back. Sure, we have financial challenges, but we’re managing through those challenges and we believe strongly in offering a wide spectrum of opportunities for our student athletes,” said Giles.

However, the director is not merely preoccupied with ensuring the survival of his programs. He is optimistic that improvement will be made in the competitive product.

After a year of considerable success, Marauder fans have much to look forward to if Giles’ hopes are realized.

Sports

?

Q: WHAT WAS YOUR OPINION OF MAC SPORTS THIS YEAR

“I thought the football games were fun. They always got a good crowd.”

“Football was good. The games brought out a lot of fans.”

“The basketball and volleyball games could have been advertised better.”

“I didn’t follow them this year.”

Ashley Collins

Miguel Perez

Diana Gutierrez

Joshua Parsons

B4 • THE SILHOUETTE

THURSDAY, MARCH 31, 2011

Women’s Volleyball

Dennis joins brother at McMaster FRASER CALDWELL

ASSISTANT SPORTS EDITOR

The Marauders will feature a bevy of rookie players next season, but at least one of them will hardly be new to her McMaster surroundings.

The prospective Marauder in question is Emily Dennis, a standout senior hitter with her high school outfit at Innisdale Secondary School in Barrie. During her time as a stalwart at Innisdale, the team has been a perennial contender atop the OFSAA hierarchy, regularly matching up with the premier high school squads in the province.

As one of the foremost hitters on that team, Dennis’ credentials easily speak for themselves.

However, it is her unique relation to the McMaster program that sets the Barrie native apart from her fellow recruits.

Because while the newly minted Marauder will be plying her trade for the women’s edition of the maroon and grey, her older brother Brendan will be doing the same for the Marauder men.

The elder Dennis has been a part of the McMaster setup for the past two seasons, despite missing last year’s competitive schedule with a serious injury concern. Since returning to the lineup this year, Brendan has carved out a vital place for himself as a venomous hitter on the outside, and a noted shutdown defender.

For her part, the younger of the Dennis siblings indicates that while her brother played a large role in encouraging her to follow his lead in attending McMaster, she had already been considering the option independently.

“Brendan playing at McMaster gave me the opportunity to come and watch the men’s and women’s games on a regular basis,” said Dennis. “He always talks about how much he enjoys his experience as a Marauder, and I felt the same excitement as I watched the games.”

“Brendan was always very

supportive as I researched my options, but McMaster has always been one of my top choices. When I finally committed to Mac, he ensured me that I was making the best choice.”

The incoming Marauder’s familiarity with the program coincides with a wealth of experience with several of her teammates-tobe. She argues that the positive attitudes exuded by her prospective teammates helped to convince her that she would fit well into their squad.

“Watching my brother and attending Mac camps, tournaments, and clinics, I was able to get to know some of the girls on the team very well,” said Dennis.

“They were always welcoming and clearly enjoyed being around each other. The support that they provide one another made it clear that this was a team I wanted to be a part of.”

When asked to describe her playing style, the younger Dennis emphasizes her willingness to perform in whatever role the team requires. Regardless of the role entrusted to her, Dennis is determined to contribute with the same effort and dedication.

“I feel that I am positive on and off the bench, and enjoy playing under pressure,” said Dennis.

“I understand what my role is on a team, and will execute my role with determination and focus. I enjoy being counted on to perform.”

Looking toward her time at McMaster, Dennis makes clear that she aims to achieve success in both the academic and athletic spheres at the university level.

“I have two main goals at McMaster,” said the incoming Marauder. “First, I want to focus on my academics and achieve my undergraduate degree. Secondly, I want to play a contributing role on a successful, winning team.”

Dennis is optimistic that she can provide such a contribution for the Marauders, in full know-

PHOTO C/O EMILY DENNIS

Emily Dennis will be donning maroon and grey alongside her older brother Brendan next year. ledge that coach Tim Louks fully intends to enlarge his squad and encourage competition for places in the Marauder setup next season.

“I’m excited about the other recruits who are coming to McMaster in the fall,” indicated Dennis. “I believe that we will all

contribute to the high-energy and competitive environment that Tim is looking for as a coach.”

While her status within the team remains uncertain, the Barrie native will undoubtedly be given a chance to prove herself in the OUA. And more than any other of her

many fellow recruits, Dennis will have support at her side as she aims to make an impact.

Her brother will look on from the sideline as she makes her own way through university life.

And no first-year student athlete can possibly ask for more.

THE SILHOUETTE • B5

THURSDAY, MARCH 31, 2011

MEET A

MARAUDER

Vanessa Bonomo

Age: 20 Height: 5’3” Points Per Game: 9.5 Assists Per Game: 3.6 Steals: 26 Free Throw Percentage: 75.4

At five-foot-three, Vanessa Bonomo is usually one of the smallest players on the court when she suits up for the McMaster women’s basketball team. But with a wicked crossover, dead-eye shot and excellent court vision, there’s much more than meets the eye to this scrappy player. An OFSAA Champion with St. Mary’s Secondary School, Bonomo has the skills and resumé to help usher in the post-Taylor Smith era of Mac hoops.

By Brian Decker

was just packed. And at Mac, getting to play nationals here [in 2010] with another packed gym on our own floor against the No. 1 team in the country. That was amazing.

BD: Are you a cat person or a dog person?

VB: I do actually. I always make sure I’m the first one on the court. I always come in like 10 minutes before anyone and get some shots up before anyone else gets out.

VB: Oh my goodness. It would have to be someone sort of dorky, because that’s what I am, but also athletic. I love Charlie’s Angels, so maybe Drew Barrymore.

BD: What’s the best piece of advice a teammate or coach has given you?

VB: I actually have two cats, so I’m VB: Last week I had my meeting with [head coach Theresa Burns]. a cat person. But I love dogs too.

She asked if we had been to the BD: Is there a player you model BD: What’s your favourite song to gym other than practice time and your game after? said that it doesn’t matter if you lie, warm up to on your iPod? you know yourself and how hard VB: I don’t think so. But I learned VB: Right now, I think it’s Katy you work. You have to work hard a lot from Taylor Smith last year. Perry’s “ET” with Kanye West. yourself in order to get better, and There are a lot of things I hope to That really gets me going. you’re the only one that knows how do like her. hard you work.

BD: If there were a movie about BD: Do you have any pregame rit- you, what actress would portray BD: Who were your main influenuals? ces growing up? you?

VB: My parents. My dad was my soccer coach, and even when I chose basketball over soccer, he supported me all the way.

BD: What’s your best strength as a BD: What was your dream job point guard?

BD: What happens if anybody growing up? beats you and gets out there first?

VB: Reading the floor. I try to make Get to know the point VB: I always wanted to be a den- good decisions and get the ball to guard and what she VB: I don’t think that’s ever hap- tist. When I was a kid I used to pull the right person at the right time and thinks about hard pened, actually. I’m always the first out my little sister’s teeth when they I really take pride in that. work, hoops and one out. were loose. school.

BD: What’s your favourite team to BD: Who has the best nickname on BD: Where’s the best place to go play against?

Brian Decker: What the women’s team? out in Hamilton? made you want to VB: Definitely Windsor. There’s come to Mac? VB: Liz Burns – we call her Liz VB: I love going to the Gown [and always a heated battle between us.

Buns because she accidentally Gavel] in the summertime when Even this year when we only had Vanessa Bonomo: spelled her name wrong on her it’s nice and warm and relaxing. eight players and they’re national Mostly it was growing water bottle.

There’s nothing better than being champions, we hung around most up around here. Just of the game. outside when it’s like that. seeing all those players BD: What’s the best pre-game meal I always wanted to be a you’ve ever had? part of the Mac program.

VB: It was definitely this year: pasta BD: What’s your best with shrimp and chicken. I loved it. memory from your basketball career so far?

BD: Where’s the best place to grab a bite around campus?

VB: Winning the OFSAA Championships [in 2008]. It VB: I usually go to Pita Pit, that’s was in Hamilton and the gym the best.

For more about Mac’s athletes, check out the Silhouette sports magazine.

On Stands next week.

B6 • THE SILHOUETTE

THURSDAY, MARCH 31, 2011

Offering hope & healing

“Look back but don’t stare. It is only when I make peace with what is behind me that I set my sights on what’s ahead”

Tuesdays

Binge Breakers 7:00pm -8:30pm Facilitator: Alison Colavecchia

Wednesdays

Yoga 7:00-8:30pm Facilitator: Leslie Landry

Thursdays

Teen Motivation Group: “Courage to Heal” 7:00-8:30pm Facilitator: Carly Lambert Support for Family and Friends 7:00– 8:30pm Facilitator: Jaime Thor Adult Support (Evening): 7:00pm– 8:30pm Facilitator: :Lesley Sardo

Please help us keep kids healthy, active, and engaged!

Go to www.ontopoftheworldforkids.ca to donate or sign up as a fundraiser!

TOFINO BC TO CAPE SPEARS NFLD Cycles across

Please see our website for full descriptions of our programs: www.daniellesplace.org

How to Register for a Program:

Drop in and fill out a registration 10 minutes before group, or call into the center Danielle’s Place Eating Disorders Resource and Support Center 895 Brant Street Unit #3 Burlington, ON L7R 2J6 We are a not-for-profit incorporated in Ontario 905-333-5548/1-866-277-9959 (001614555) and a federally registered charity info@daniellesplace.org (charitable number BN 85550 6671 RR0001)

HAMILTON & DISTRICT EXTEND-A-FAMILY VOLUNTEER OPPORTUNITIES “SHARE A SPECIAL FRIENDSHIP!”

Canada In support of the multiple schlerosis society of Canada

B U D DY P ROGRAM We have over one hundred children and teens with special needs waiting to spend time with a volunteer buddy. Matched buddies spend eight hours a month pursuing a hobby, playing sports, or enjoying other activities in the community.

Gain volunteer experience, have fun, and share a special friendship with a young person with special needs and gifts!

Discover More & Donate at Trek4MS.ca

FRIENDSHIP CLUB We offer a minimum of six recreation events each month, providing respite and opportunities for fun and friendship in the community.

We bowl, play laser-tag, go rock-climbing, and challenge each other in all sorts of fun ways.

We have a great bunch of volunteers who assist at these events and are always happy to welcome more!

I N T E R E S T E D? VISIT OUR WEB-SITE, FIND US ON FACEBOOK OR CONTACT US! w w w. e x t e n dafamilyhamilton.on.ca • 905-383-2885 e a f @execulink.com (Buddy Program) re c . e af@gmail.com (Friendship Club)

THE SILHOUETTE • C1

INSIDEOUT THURSDAY, MARCH 31, 2011

production office extension: 27117 insideout@thesil.ca

The traveller’s guide to Europe JONATHON FAIRCLOUGH ASSISTANT PHOTO EDITOR

Over the course of the academic year, I’ve been blown away by the amount of support I’ve received from readers who have enjoyed my European travel escapades. Many people I don’t even know have given tremendous feedback, many of whom are planning Euro-trips of their own this summer and haven’t the faintest clue of where to start, what to do, what to pack, and so on.

So I’ve decided to give thanks to my readers by way of advice. The following are my top 7 pieces of advice for people planning to backpack through Europe this summer.

Tip #1: Know your budget

The biggest mistake any traveler can make is overestimating their budget.

Depending on where one is going, return flights to Europe

can go anywhere from $600 to $1600, factoring in destination, month, and duration. After figuring out the cost of a flight, one needs to figure out accommodation, food, transportation, leisure time, and whatever other activities you plan on getting up to while abroad. I normally give myself a daily allowance, enabling me to figure out a nice place to stay, as well as planning out how much I should be spending on food and other essentials. A normal allowance I will give myself is approximately 60 Euros a day. A hostel will normally run you 20-30 Euros, food will be 20-25 Euros, and the remaining money can be allocated accordingly. Try to find accommodation that includes breakfast or dinner, this will greatly help your budgeting and will give you more money to spend it on luxury items, like cheap wine. Granted, your allowance shouldn’t be gospel. If you’re planning on visiting museums or going out on the town with expensive food and booze, have a rainyday fund to dip into now and then.

• PLEASE SEE EUROPE, C4

JONATHON FAIRCLOUGH / ASSISTANT PHOTO EDITOR

ThreadCount Ernest Chan

Fourth Year Life Sciences

Describe your style: Modern Favourite Band: Queens of the Stone Age Favourite Quote: “Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and cannot remain silent” Victor Hugo Boots: Hugo Boss - $325 Coat: Zara - $350 Blazer: Uniqlo - $70 Shirt: Club Monaco - $50 Compiled by Tyler Hayward

[This Week in InsideOut] Bum rush Fun in the bum has been overlooked for far too long, but prepare yourself with the knowledge needed to stay safe.

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Steel town’s mentality

Breaking ties

McMaster social work students are raising awareness on the stigma surrounding mental health in Hamilton.

It’s almost summertime.

Should you prepare to play the field by cutting your honeybun loose?

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C2 • THE SILHOUETTE

THURSDAY, MARCH 31, 2011

SEX and the STEEL CITY

Two steps forward, one step back Anal sex can be a pleasurable experience for both him and her

Although anal sex may not be well-suited to everyone, you may just find that turning the other cheek can be a memorable decision.

MARYANN ASHLEY SHEC MEDIA

Has your sex life been missing something lately? Are you getting use to the regular routine? Feel the need to mix it up? Have you ever thought about venturing even further down south? That’s right! I’m talking about anal sex!

Right now you might be thinking, “How risqué of you! What a terribly taboo topic to mention!” Well, did you know that in a 2009 survey a reported 51 per cent of men and 43 per cent of women between the ages of 25 and 44 who identify themselves as heterosexual admittedly engaged in anal sex?

This particular form of sexual intercourse is becoming increasingly popular, so you should get to know a thing or two about it. Look no further: Anal sex is for both men and women. Ladies, there are more beneficial reasons for having anal besides the fact that it won’t get you pregnant.

Anal sex does not have to be a painful experience. Think about it this way, anal orgasms have been described as a full body experience, with completely different – and sometimes more powerful – sensations than clitoral and/or vaginal orgasms.

Men will also experience orgasms like they never have before if they’re willing to be a bit adventurous. Yes gentlemen, it’s super tight, and yes it’s probably everything you’ve ever dreamed of, but you don’t always have to be the one performing the anal sex.

In fact, you might just love it if you get a little anal action yourself. Did you know that the male equivalent of the g-spot, the prostate, is located just within your anus?

Anal orgasms for men have been described as “explosive!”

If you want to try anal sex, there needs to be a conversation. Surprises can be fun but this one could get you punched in the face, so talk to your partner to make sure they’re comfortable with the idea before feeling around down there. If you discover that both of you are into it then start off slowly.

Good anal sex is something that has to be worked up to.

That means start off with one finger and eventually work your way up to larger

sized items, whether it’s a sex toy or a penis.

The big thing to remember here is: LUBE LUBE LUBE. Seriously. The anus doesn’t self-lubricate so you need to make sure that the area is nice and relaxed and lubricated before you try poking around.

You should also 100 per cent use a condom, because along with the joys of anal sex comes some significant health risks.

To begin with, the tissue lining the anus is delicate and thin and rips very easily.

This makes one very susceptible to the transmission of STIs. So again, wear a condom and use lots of lube.

Before having anal maybe take a shower together to ensure that the area is sufficiently clean, but be careful with soap use because it is an irritant. With anal, sometimes mess is inevitable … another good reason to wear a condom.

If you’re fingering someone’s anus make sure that you wash your hand before you stick it anywhere else, that’s how bacteria and diseases spread. Some other more serious health risks include: hemorrhoids, anal prolapse, leakage, anorectal pain and ulcers and fissures.

Don’t let this completely freak you out about the idea of anal, because it can be fantastic, you just have to know what you’re doing beforehand, such as: what are some good anal sex positions?

Well, because the rectum and colon curve, some of the best positions are when the receiver is in a 90 degree angle, whether that’s done lying down on the bed or being bent over the side of a coach.

Penetration should initially be slow and gentle so one’s natural curves can be properly felt for.

Having someone share their butt with you is a huge honour, so don’t ruin the experience by not taking the time to appreciate it.

Anal opens up a whole new door in relationships – pun maybe slightly intended.

Trust is key, if you trust the person you’re with then you know your body will be safe with them and your sex will probably be better for it. You’re young, don’t be afraid to explore your sexuality; your partner may thank you in the end.

Word of the Week Pooper Scooper Definition: A type of person who collects human feces for erotic pleasure.

Used in a sentence: I am a closet pooper scooper.

JOY SANTIAGO / MULTIMEDIA EDITOR

THE SILHOUETTE • C3

THURSDAY, MARCH 31, 2011

Mental illness: banishing the stigma Student group YEWG aims to raise awareness in Hamilton KAITLIN PETERS

town, where due to a combination of poverty, mental illness, and lack of jobs, the lifespan is 21 years less “Ok, so if I don’t sleep tonight then than more affluent areas in the same I should be able to just get my paper city. done before class.

Life span differences you

But I’m going to have to would expect to see in third world hammer a couple Red Bulls if I plan countries exemplify why it’s so imon having enough energy to write portant to spread awareness of the that afternoon exam. I’m just so prevalence of mental illness in the overwhelmed, I can’t do this any- university and among the greater more!” community.

Does this internal rant Dodgson hopes for a ripple sound familiar? For many students effect; by educating youth in Hamilthe typical despair and hopelessness ton, hopefully everyone will benefit that accompany exams can develop because they’ll share that informainto a potentially debilitating men- tion with their family and friends. tal illness such as depression or an But mental illness is not anxiety disorder. only isolated to the poverty-stricken Unfortunately, mental ill- sectors of Hamilton’s core. ness is seldom discussed in polite The pressure of being in conversation because of the societal school can exacerbate symptoms in stigma that is attached to the con- people who may already be vulnercept and those suffering from it. able.

But a group of students Second year social work from the McMaster social work student, Melissa Koch notes there program intend to change our com- is the common misconception that munity’s locked lips when it comes because you’re in university, getting to mental illness. good grades, and essentially being a

As part of the Youth En- stereotypical well-adjusted youth it gagement Working Group, these means you couldn’t possibly suffer social work students intend to from a mental illness. raise awareness of the prevalence Someone could be doing of mental illness in Hamilton and extremely well academically, while fight to banish the stigma associated simultaneously suffering from with it. CollaboratSchizophrenia. ing with Lynwood It’s not appropriHall, a publicly The common misconcep- ate to make assumpfunded child and tions. tion that because you’re It’s important for family centre, the in university, getting students and staff the student body to are investigating good grades, and essen- know that there are different ways to tially being a stereotypi- resources available engage and educate to them; namely the cal well-adjusted youth Student Success and the youth in Hamit means you couldn’t Development Cenilton concerning mental illness. possibly suffer from a tre and the Campus For example, stuHealth Centre. mental illness.” dents are currently A lot of people visiting elementary aren’t aware of the schools and using resources McMaster art as a medium to ask “What does has to offer. If you suffer from an mental illness mean to you?” Marisa anxiety disorder, you have the right Dodgson, a fourth year social work to request that accommodations be student, noted that mental illness is made for you. not really addressed in educational In fact, Marisa Dodgson settings. states that every social work profes Even in health class there sor will announce at the beginning is a tangible lack of education and of term that students should come resources concerning mental health. to them if they have any special Most of what students learn is from accommodation requests, yet the the media and movies, often por- consistency in which other profestraying mentally ill people as vio- sors demonstrate the same concern lent and dangerous. is questionable.

With such a negative stig- But you must decide to ma attached to mental illness, dis- play an active role or those suffercussing the topic has reached taboo- ing from mental illness will continlevel proportions. ued to be treated as society’s “dirty

The potential for being little secret.” Banish the social stigostracized or discriminated against ma associated with mental illness based on your mental condition is by becoming knowledgeable and a legitimate excuse for deciding educating others. not to divulge that you’ve suffered One in every five people from Schizophrenia for the past five will suffer from a mental illness at years. some point in their lifetime, mean Mental illness is especially ing that even if you don’t experipoignant from a Hamiltonian per- ence it, you’ll likely know someone Shockingly common, 1 in 5 people will experience a mental illness in their lifetime. spective. There are pockets down- who does.

ASSISTANT INSIDEOUT EDITOR

JOY SANTIAGO / MULTIMEDIA EDITOR

April 1 A Coffee House presented by YEWG Stomp out the stigma by raising awareness for mental illness 6 p.m. @ Calvary Pentecostal Tabernacle Donations are welcome at the door April 7 The Colour Purple - The musical 7:30 p.m. @ Hamilton Place www.hecfi.com for more details April 7-10 Hamilton Literary Festival www.gritlit.ca for more info

April 8-10 6th Annual Food and Drink Festival $15 @ the door www.foodanddrinkfest.com for more details April 8 Hamilton Art Crawl 7 p.m. @ James St. North April 13 AGH Fil Series Force of Nature:The David Suzuki Movie 7 p.m. @ Jackson Square

C4 • THE SILHOUETTE

THURSDAY, MARCH 31, 2011

Europe for the everyday traveller Pickup some tried and tested travel trips from an experienced pro

• CONT’D FROM C1 Tip #2 – Have a loose itinerary

Okay you’ve got your budget, you have your arrival and departure flight booked, now sketch out a loose itinerary. Many firsttime travelers make the mistake of planning absolutely every detail of a European excursion to the “t”. From personal experience, the best times I ever had backpacking Europe were not planned - they were times where I didn’t know where I would sleep, where I would eat, what I would do. What I suggest doing is planning out your Europe trip in chapters. If you have five weeks in Europe, chapter 1 could be England, chapter 2 France, and so on.

As long as you know how long you’ll be in these chapters for, who cares how you spend the time? If you meet people at your hostel who are planning a short excursion for a few days, go with them! There is no right or wrong way to travel. Try to have a “yes” mentality and go with the flow. Just make sure you don’t get carried away, and I always suggest you book your first few nights in advance when travelling to a new country.

Tip #3: Campsites are your friend

Everybody envisions backpacking through Europe in hostels, “is there any other way?!” Well, yes. Camping. The best places I ever stayed in my last two summers abroad have been in campsites, and don’t worry, you won’t need to bring a tent if you haven’t got the room. Most campsites have cabins or tents that they can rent you, and normally cost HALF of what hostels cost.

Obviously if you’re staying in big cities like Berlin, London, or Rome, you may want to stick with hostels, but places like Spain, France, and Italy are famous for their beautiful campsites that will save you a tremendous amount of money in the long run.

When traveling through Verona, Italy, I found a campsite that overlooked the entire city, a mere 5-minute walk from the historic downtown. Fig trees, apples, old stone, beautiful architecture, it had everything. And it cost me a mere nine Euros for the night!

JONATHON FAIRCLOUGH / ASSISTANT PHOTO EDITOR

Jonathon Fairclough photographing Athens, Greece.

also travelled by train for 6 days unlimited stops for 160 Euros. Trust me, these are all great deals. A good website for cheap flights is Ryanair.com, while a good place to start looking at European rail passes is Eurail.com.

Check it out! Rail passes are the kind of thing you should be buying before you go, while cheap flights can be purchased online from any computer with internet using a credit card.

Tip #6: Pack as light as you possible can

This is a no-brainer. Guys and girls alike are guilty of bringing too much stuff with them, weighing down their packs and making them look quite ridiculous when they try to re-pack their back halfway through their journey. Depending on the length of your stay, you can normally get away with one pair of jeans, 5 t-shirts, a week’s worth of underwear and socks, a pair of sandals for showers and lazy days, a pair of comfortable shoes for walking and travel days, one baseball cap, one book for reading, one sweater for cold nights, a light rain jacket, a small digital camera, and a travel wallet for holding your passports, credit cards, money, and other valuables.

Toiletries can be purchased on the road, so there is no point of bringing them with you. Of ALL the things I just suggested, the travel wallet is the most important. Although there are many different kinds, the one I use straps around my waste and tucks beneath my pants so it’s against my skin at all times. It WILL save your life, especially if your stuff gets stolen or you get robbed.

Nobody thinks it will happen to them but it does, in more cases than you think, so be prepared.

Tip #7: Leave the computer at home

There is no reason why you should be bringing a computer with you, so don’t even think about it. Computers take away from the traveling experience and make you unusually anti-social when in a hostel environment. Take it from someone who HAD to bring a laptop to edit photos, you will find an excuse to use it and you may be missing out on some pretty ridiculous experiences if you have your face in a computer all day.

Tip #4: “When in Rome”

Do what the locals do, eat where the Sure, it’s nice to be in contact with the world locals eat. Many European cities make a kill- back home but don’t worry, they’ll be there ing from ripping off tourists, and since you when you get back!

And I’m sure they’ll understand if are NOT a tourist, don’t fall under their spell. you can’t get back to them for a few weeks.

Try to find restaurants off the beaten path, buy And for your information, you can find comfresh fruit and produce from local markets, and NEVER, I repeat NEVER, eat at a fast puters with internet access at essentially 99 per cent of the hostels you visit while abroad, food chain.

While living in Barcelona for two so don’t worry. weeks last summer I managed to spend 10 Now, please, feel free to disregard Euros a day on groceries and had some of the freshest and most delicious food I have any of the advice I have just given you if you ever eaten. Also, try to find local festivals to have another idea of traveling or if you’re attend! Most festivals have food and drink going somewhere else than Europe.

The opinions expressed in this stands all over the place, and will only charge article are purely of my own and reflect two you what they charge the locals. So, once again, when in Rome, do as the Romans do, summers-worth of living out of a backpack and may not line up with your own travel not as the middle-aged tourists do. plans. Believe me though, there’s some helpful advice in this, but as somebody told me Tip #5: A matter of transportation

Transportation in Europe can be once: “90 per cent of travel knowledge is dead-cheap, but you have to find it. Most learnt from personal experience, and not from people argue that rail-passes are the way to others.”

So with that in mind, get out there! go, while others swear by flights. I’d say both Live your life! Hit that road! And always reare good, in moderation. I have flown from member: you’re young, you’ve got nothing to Rome to Brussels for 60 Euros, Brussels to Berlin and back for 100 Euros, while I have lose, so always, ALWAYS, say yes.

We’d like to thank all our readers and volunteers for keeping IO alive! Have a happy summer.

Love, Natalie & Kaitlin

THE SILHOUETTE • C5

THURSDAY, MARCH 31, 2011

Going green: Mac style Slip into the summer season single

Planning the summer breakup JASMIN KEILLOR SILHOUETTE INTERN

CHRISTOPHER CHANG / SENIOR PHOTO EDITOR

Biking is a great way to get around town without producing carbon emissions.

ANQI SHEN

THE SILHOUETTE

Driving in Hamilton is not always glamorous for students who have coveted access to their own vehicles.

Consider that the city is famous for its one-way streets – although two-way conversions have been underway since 2004. For those less familiar with the city, driving through the downtown core can be a daunting task.

In February 2011, McMaster students voted to renew the HSR Bus Pass contract for another three years. Students and faculty who are more conscious of their carbon footprint, or are simply looking for an accessible and cost-effective method of transportation, are wellsuited to rely on public transit to get around.

“It’s not as convenient as driving — I would rather have a car — but for how much damage it does, driving isn’t worth it,” says Stephanie Correa, a first year student at McMaster.

Grocery shopping is made simple and eco-friendly with McMaster’s Shuttle Bee bus, which takes students to and from Fortinos on Monday evenings. Information about hours of for the shuttle operation can be found on the SOCS website.

Thinking about the eco-

logical benefits of public transit can be difficult when waiting at the bus stop during a torrential downpour, or during frostbite season. Students are encouraged to work out a daily schedule to minimize wait times for buses.

Not a fan of overcrowded buses? As the weather becomes more biker-friendly, cycling to school becomes an especially viable alternative to driving. An on-campus parking permit ranges from $180.00 to $388.00 per term, whereas a secure bicycle parking space costs $10 per term. To register, students should consult with Parking Services in the E.T. Clarke Centre.

Walking and rollerblading across campus are also enjoyable alternatives to driving, especially during the spring and summer. A walk to Fortinos from the Hospital is approximately 14 minutes, and a stroll through Westdale from the centre of campus takes about the same amount of time.

According to the City of Hamilton, a third of the city’s commuter trips, not related to school, can be made within 25 minutes by bicycle. The city continues to promote this sustainable form of transportation by maintaining several multi-use paths, bike lanes and bike routes.

Bike trails provide a scenic view of Hamilton and riding

the trails is a great form of exercise outside of the gym. Depending on the route, traffic can be low-traffic or traffic-free. This is a great way to integrate sightseeing and exercise, whether it is with visiting parents or a significant other.

Students are also encouraged to explore the nature trails around Hamilton, including the Desjardins Recreation Trail and the Breezeway Trail, both of which are ideal for in-line skaters.For those who prefer to get around by car, carpooling is an eco-friendly option that does not have to be inconvenient. Carpoolers are eligible for discount vouchers and designated parking spaces if they register with Parking Services.

Students are invited to take advantage of an electronic ride matching service available to them through the university, which can be found at carpoolzone.ca. This free online service allows students to find carpooling partners traveling to various locations on and off campus.

Surveys show that 37 per cent of Mac undergrads walk or rollerblade to school at least once a week. Why not join the green movement while exploring economically friendly options and exercising?

More information on alternatives to driving can be found on the website of the McMaster Office of Sustainability.

As we stroll through the streets in our earmuffs and Eskimo boots, bearing the brunt of winter’s final frosty hurrah, it’s easy for us to forget that the month of April is just around the corner. And with its end, it signals the end of our school year and the approach of that all too blissful summer sun.

But as we begin to prepare ourselves for the season of bikinis, beaches and breezy Bud Light by fleeing like flies to gyms and tanning salons alike, there is another important factor to consider in the midst of our unwavering anticipation: boyfriends. Or girlfriends. And whether or not we want to keep ours over the summer months.

There’s no doubt that when our final exams wrap up and are out of mind, many of us will be packing our bags and heading home for the heat. But as we leave behind pesky essays, meal plans and all night study sessions, some of us will also be wishing to say goodbye to our dreary winter flings, which may very well have dried up with the snow.

Indeed, going home for the summer can cause pre-existing relationships to become stale and long distance. The impending presence of next season’s sun, which stays out longer with every passing day, is just begging us to seize the careless “boyfriendlessness or girlfriendless” freedom of summer.

The problem is, while many of us wish to bid farewell to our current partners in lust, the actual process of breaking up with someone is a whole lot easier said than done.

While there are no set guidelines to tell us exactly how we should make the split, and though it isn’t going to be easy either way, there are a few tips and rules of thumb to consider in order to assure the smoothest, most seamless separation possible.

First off, and I hope this one goes without saying; it is absolutely crucial that you do the deed in person. That means no Facebook, no cell phones and no emails – you owe it to your dumpee to muster up your courage and come to terms with them face-to-face.

Secondly, you’ll want to put some time and effort into choosing the perfect setting because as superfluous as this factor may seem, the right time and place can make all the difference. Consider for instance, the consequences of break-

Kaitlin Peters

“Cheezy” Veggie Chili Ingredients: Olive oil 1 onion, chopped 1 cup frozen corn kernels

Directions: 1. Heat a non- stick saucepan over medium heat; add oil or non- stick

Handful of chopped bell peppers

spray.

1 can kidney beans (or bean of choice)

2. Once hot, add chopped onion and saute till translucent and soft.

1 tsp chili powder

3. Add the rest of the veggies and and sautee for 3-5 minutes till soft.

1/2 tsp cumin 1/2 tsp ground cinnamon

4. Add spices and mix well, so that everything gets evenly coated

1/2 cup vegetable broth

5. Pour in broth, diced tomatoes and nutritional yeast. Bring to a

1/2 can diced tomatoes

boil, then simmer.

1-2 tablespoons nutritional yeast

6. Once simmering, add nut butter and place lid on pot, and simmer

1 heaping tablespoon nut butter Salt and pepper, to taste.

for about 10 minutes.

7. Remove lid, stir chili, and enjoy!

With

files

from

namastegurl.com

ing up with your partner within the confines of your own home. They might choose to lash out at you or they may linger and outstay their welcome.

The right time will come for the two of you to go your separate ways and carry on with your day, and it’s best to have the control of when exactly this moment will be.

If you choose to break up with your partner within the confines of their own walls, you’ll have the freedom to leave whenever you feel the time is right.

The victim of your unpleasant news might also find it a bit easier to cope with the blow of rejection when provided with the comfort and familiarity of their own home.

A semi-private location, such as a park, would also be ideal because the public atmosphere would help stunt the possibility of blow-ups, while still offering the seclusion required for a good heartto-heart conversation.

Never dump your girl or guy in front of a big group of people, as the resulting humiliation would only amplify the sting of your words.

It is also important to be mindful in terms of timing. Don’t choose to ditch your partner the day before they are set to leave with their family on vacation, or the night before the two of you are set to celebrate your three-month anniversary. Instead, strive to choose a neutral date, fairly distanced from any major holidays, birthdays or celebrations.

Lastly, remember to be respectful and gentle, but always honest. If you’re craving more time with your friends or more freedom for yourself, let them know. Don’t point fingers and don’t try to lay the blame.

When you pin somebody down and recite to them a list of all they’ve done wrong, needless to say they are unlikely to respond well to the attack. Choose your words carefully.

The decision to call it quits is a hard one to make and the actual process of cutting ties is even more gruelling. But if you find yourself stuck in a dead end relationship then there’s no better time than now to bite the bullet and stop it from dragging on any further.

Because when you’re lolling around the pool this summer, in flip-flops, sunglasses and, well, not much else, there’s nothing better for you than to be sexy and single.

C6 • THE SILHOUETTE

THURSDAY, MARCH 31, 2011

Tackling the summer job scene Because sitting on your parents’ coach is not an option SONYA KHANNA SILHOUETTE STAFF

Job hunting can be a tedious task, and with school nearing an end and summer just around the corner, the anxiety of securing a job for the summer may have many students in disarray.

Although summer job hunting stress may have many moving full steam ahead, actively seeking employment opportunities with seemingly few prospects, there is a silver lining to shed some positive encouragement to students.

According to a release from the Labour Force Survey by Statistics Canada, “employment has risen by 1.9 per cent since March 2010” following a sharp decline in employment in 2009 with the recession.

According to the survey, “part-time employment has grown by 5.1 per cent, while full time increased by 1.1 per cent.”

These statistics are promising and provide some hope to the countless students that will be vying for summer positions.

With employment rebounding quickly from the recent economic downturn in 2009 it would seem that seeking summer employment should be a somewhat swift task in comparison to recent years, yet it is still disheartening to hand your resume out to multiple employers with few responses.

Recently, a close friend of mine disclosed to me an interesting experience she had with the manager of well known restaurant franchise.

During this mock interview of sorts she was offered a bit of unorthodox advice.

Certainly, it’s something that has crossed through the minds of many at some point or another, but she found it a tad bizarre to hear this advice offered by the restaurant manager.

She was urged to embellish her resume; remove most of her prior experience and significantly exaggerate the length of time she had been employed at the company that related to the desired position of employment.

This got me thinking, what exactly is it that employers are looking for?

A resume that is chalkfilled with experience is meant to be embellished to appear more suitable to specific segments of the labour market?

So in essence, many students applying for summer positions in the labour market are either significantly under qualified or too seemingly overqualified.

While it seems this might pose a dead end to some, this might just mean that it’s time to rethink your job-hunting strategy.

When applying for positions that you have minimal experience with, it would be beneficial to obtain any skills or qualifications that might help in your employment search.

If you are applying for a position as a server in Ontario it is crucial to have your Smart Serve certification. It is a prerequisite for many employers and is mandated training for individuals who serve alcoholic beverages in licensed establishments in Ontario.

If you are applying for a serving position, having this qualification will provide some indication to employers that you are hospitality-industry inclined which may increase your chances of securing the position.

It is also beneficial to highlight skills on your resume that might be transferrable with desired employment positions. Working with cash is a highly transferrable skill for positions in different segments of the labour market.

Whether you have worked for various clothing retailers or have had an office job, there may be

Want our jobs next year?

Applications open April 1

common skills relating to both.

Customer service skills and basic interaction with clients and customers also requires significant interpersonal skills; in an interview highlight these relationships.

If you have a specific preference as to the industry you desire working in then scout out all available alternatives.

The Internet has excellent search engines for job hunting that are commonly used, but don’t rule out newspapers, regional municipality websites, your campus, and even company websites that may have more information on hiring for summer employment.

Remember, when one door closes, another door opens. Don’t be discouraged if you haven’t heard back from employers.

Keep at it and don’t limit yourself. Sometimes people may have a stigma against handing resumes out to specific retailers, but in order to enhance your chances of securing summer employment try diversifying your options.

Who knows, you might find the perfect summer job in the most unorthodox of places.

Summer employment prospects are looking up from previous years; part-time and fulltime employment opportunities are on the rise, and now is the perfect time to pour your resume out and unearth a world of potential job possibilities.

Highlight experiences in your resume that reflect the job you’re applying for.

WIKIMEDIA COMMONS

THE SILHOUETTE • C7

THURSDAY, MARCH 31, 2011

BUSINESS SANTINO MARINUCCI BUSINESS EDITOR

Ever since 2006, YouTube has been pumping useless videos into our heads and increasing procrastination everywhere from students at university to 30-somethings confined to cubicles.

When you think about it, where would your life truly be without YouTube?

It benefits so many people, including large businesses and musicians who choose to create viral media.

It has now gotten to such an extent, where people are quitting their day jobs and relying solely off revenue collected from their video hits. That’s right, people like RayWilliamJohnson, Fred, and Keyboard Cat all make thousands of dollars a day, just for being popular.

However there is a large component to this popular video sharing site that has been growing in popularity ever since it was created, and that is people getting rich and famous through it. Believe it or not, there is an entire structure behind how one can make money through advertising revenue on YouTube.

The first thing that you have to do when you upload a video and it is getting popular is to join the YouTube partner program, which is an account where the revenue is shared between you and the company based on how many views you get on each of your videos.

That’s not all, if you really want to make some money, signing up for Google’s Ad-Sense will increase your chances for payment as it will redirect viewers to partner sites that YouTube and Google advertises for and will increase traffic to those sites.

With that said, is making money for something so trivial really worth it? Morally I definitely think that this is questionable, however financially can you really argue with thousands of extra dollars in your bank account for singing about the days of the

production office extension: 27117 business@thesil.ca

week?

To give you a dumbed-down version of how the ad-revenue works revenue only comes from banner ads served near your content. However, YouTube is not stupid, and estimates a 2.59 per cent rate of people who click away before the video loads. This is added into the page views and divided into how much ad-money you make per page view.

Well, take some famous examples from popular culture that will surely have you wishing you had come up with possibly the worst song of the decade.

Yes I’m talking about Rebecca Black and her nails on a black board song “Friday.” With some help from her iTunes sales, Black is currently raking in $27,000 a week in revenue for this atrocity. Granted she has made considerable donations to Japan, I’ll give her that. But it just goes to show how little talent you need to make some extra money.

This is not even the tip of the iceberg, Yahoo finance has compiled a list of the top YouTube earners of 2010 and the results were confounding. Shane Dawson, who was listed at number one on the list of earners, raked in $315,000 last year. Those of you who do not know who this man is, he does comedy skits and parodies online and got around 431,787,450 views to earn this much.

Number two on the list goes to The Annoying Orange, who banked $288,000.

Now, I’m all for a good orange now and then, but it blows my mind that people are actually entertained by this waste of time. Seriously guys, a talking fruit? This annoying piece of fruit got 349,753,047 views and re-enforced my lack of faith in mankind.

Whether you are a hater, trolling on videos or legitimately surfing to find a good video to watch, keep in mind that they are making money off of you. So next time you are wondering which seat Rebecca Black will take; it is probably the driver seat to that Porsche she just bought.

[This Week in Business] Saying goodbye Taking a chance to reflect on the ups and downs of the business section and the inspirations which spawned them.

Pg. C10

How to get a summer job Is innovation progressive?

Jonathan Fairclough takes us through a step-by-step process on how get a summer job.

Pg. C10

Are companies like Apple really progressive, or are they just dressing up the same technology as new?

Pg. C11

C8 • THE SILHOUETTE

THURSDAY, MARCH 31, 2011

THE SILHOUETTE • C9

THURSDAY, MARCH 31, 2011

McMaster ad-execs plan for the future Contestants tell it how it is after competing in Next Top Ad Exec

Students Brandon Greenspoon and Ryan Martin came home empty handed but have a wealth of experience to gain.

JEMMA WOLFE

ASSISTANT NEWS EDITOR

Third year DeGroote School of Business students Brandon Greenspoon and Ryan Martin have returned empty-handed but fullhearted from the Canada’s Next Top Ad Exec competition that was held this past week in Toronto.

The competition, started

by McMaster University in 2007 and executed by a team of commerce students and faculty, invites Canadian business students to create a real-world advertising and marketing campaign for a realworld client. This year, the challenge was for students to create a campaign for Chevrolet Canada to market their 2012 Chevrolet Sonic car.

Greenspoon and Martin, along with the other McMaster team consisting of Patricia Wozniak

and Joanna Periversoff, made it to the final phase of the contest after three intensive phases of competition. Starting in January, the competition began with a short summary pitch, progressed to an extensive comprehensive report for the top 25 teams, and finished with the top 10 competitors delivering a 30 minute presentation to a panel of judges in downtown Toronto.

The presentation, which took place March 29 at Toronto’s Thompson Hotel, was an exhilarating experience for the teams.

“It was very exciting,” said Greenspoon about the final phase of the competition. “To be in the heart of Toronto for the competition, surrounded by such high powered individuals who are so influential in business. It was a great opportunity not only to network but also to learn about business even more in depth.”

The winners of the com-

petition, this year a team from the University of Alberta, each walked away with a 2012 Chevrolet Sonic.

Other monetary prizes and potential internships were also up for grabs. The team of Wozniak and Periversoff claimed second overall and were awarded a $2,500 Chevrolet scholarships as well as a Fujifilm gift basket.

Greenspoon and Martin succeeded in winning a sub-competition entitled the Fujifilm Life At The Top Fan Page Competition.

It rated how interactive and multimedia inclusive a team’s Facebook Fan Page was. The pair were happy to win two prepaid Fujifilm Visa cards worth $200.00 each for their efforts. Ultimately, the students cared more about the experience than the prizes. Martin learned to think beyond what is taught in the classroom. He said, “In the real world there are a number of fac-

tors that go beyond the assumptions made in courses or textbooks.

Having to cope with teamwork and developing a campaign that can adapt to a target market that is constantly undergoing changes has been an incredible experience.”

Greenspoon expressed how significant this competition was to his personal growth and professional development, and said, “The greatest thing I learned from this competition is how to keep moving forward when facing a problem.

During this competition Ryan and myself took many hits and had many setbacks but we found drive and determination through our passion and we never stopped fighting.

We put a lot of effort into our work and it opened the door to so many opportunities to us.”

This summer, Martin looks forward to an internship in Washington, D.C. with social media mar-

CHRISTOPHER CHANG / SEINOR PHOTO EDITOR

keting company New Media Strategies. This fall, he will begin an internship with General Electric in Burlington, Ontario as an Account Manager.

In May, Greenspoon will begin a 16 month Commercial Sales Account Internship with ArcelorMittal Dofasco in Hamilton.

Both students expressed resolve to pursue the competition again next year, and are confident that their experience and determination will prove successful the second time around.

Greenspoon concluded, “We left everything on that stage, we put our hearts and souls into the presentation, and it showed.

We represented McMaster proudly and even though we did not walk away with keys to a new Sonic, we are walking away with our chins up because we know we gave it everything we had.”

THANKS FOR THE GREAT YEAR!

-The Business Section

C10 • THE SILHOUETTE

THURSDAY, MARCH 31, 2011

Raging Bull

Summer Jobs

Looking forward to the future

How to find a job this summer

A satisfied editor looks ahead SANTINO MARINUCCI BUSINESS EDITOR

Many experiences can sum up my four years here at McMaster University. These range from the great friends that I have made, the academic ups and downs, but most importantly my almost two year stint at the Silhouette.

I have always yearned to have the feeling of acceptance, and camaraderie that everyone looks for in first and second year; it is so easy to be lost in the sea of individualism. However these past two years have tested the absolute limits of what I was capable of, and in some cases, I really surprised myself.

Now do not be thrown off by the self-appreciation, I do have a point, so bear with me. As cofounder of this section, along my partner in crime Simon Granat, we really pushed the limits of what was possible every week, and in most cases it was more rewarding than anything that we have done.

When creating this section, we did what we thought was best for the McMaster community, giving them content to enjoy, or loathe on a weekly basis. But more importantly to give students a fresh business perspective on how to handle their finances, what the upcoming small businesses in Westdale were, and informative interviews with CEO’s imparting their knowledge to students and how to improve their personal skills.

These are the things that got me out of bed in the morning, it was those interviews, it was getting to learn these new skills to better myself, while imparting that same knowledge to students who are not informed.

It started out as a mere vision, a pipe dream in a coffee shop you could say, but it blossomed into something outstanding.

It continues to channel the spirit of entrepreneurship and innovation, showing students that they are capable of much more than they think they are.

While you are busy wiping away those tears, it was always a challenge but one worth fighting for because we managed to impart the spirit and drive of the section on the business students, as well as the entire McMaster student body.

When I look back, I see the late nights, the unimaginable deadlines, and the wasted Wednesdays. I also remember the camaraderie, the finished product, and best of all the feedback we got from you guys.

Although, this is my last year with the business section, it has been an unbelievable ride and though I will not be there next year writing for the business community, the section will remain.

It will remain as an outlet for students to use and better themselves, much like it has with Simon Granat and I.

Godspeed McMaster community, you will be greatly missed.

Tips for earning employment when the school year is done JONATHAN FAIRCLOUGH

summer employment: they’re not going to make your life hard if twoweeks in you find a better job and So it’s that time again: studying, bail. Settling with the first job-offer exams, and then home, all within ensures that you’re making money a flash. It’s this time of year that right from the start. If you find that passes by so fast, and another reason dream job three weeks later, you’ve why you should begin to think about got three-weeks of extra cash that finding a summer job, now. you’d never have if you sat around

If you’ve been smart waiting for people to call you back. enough to plan ahead and find a job already, good for you. But for the 80 Tip #3: Understand the season per cent of students who have yet you are working in to find summer employment, don’t Apply to jobs that get more business fret. I have written out some helpful in the summer months. Golf courspieces of advice that should aid you es, landscaping companies, garden in finding acceptable employment centres, ice cream shops, summer this summer. camps: these are all businesses that practically thrive off of summer Tip #1: Time is of the essence consumers, and are probably very There’s a reason why your over- keen on hiring young and enerzealous friends have jobs already getic staff who will be around until and you don’t. If you start searching business dies off at the end of the now – before exams – you’ll be at summer. Granted, businesses that a tremendous advantage compared operate at a steady pace year-round to someone who doesn’t start look- may also be offering employment to ing until they get home from school. students, but I would concentrate on Understand that hundreds of thou- summer-heavy business in order to sands of students in Ontario are in better your chances of getting hired. the same boat as you, and are most likely going to start sending off Tip #4: Network, network, netresumes once they have settled at work home. Get a head start, apply now, You have a better chance of getting and avoid competition from other a job if you come with a recomstudents in the exact same predica- mendation from a friend or family ment as you. member than if you walk into an office off the street and drop off Tip #2: Make money now, settle your resume. Ask as many people later as you can if they know of anyToo many students make the mis- body hiring, if they have any ideas take of holding out for a dream for summer employment, if they summer job. If you apply to 10 jobs could do a favour for you or if you and the only one to get back to you could job hunt together. Don’t be is a crappy warehouse job, take it. timid. Job-hunting is an extremely Make money as soon as you can, ferocious and cutthroat business: worry about a preferable job later. you can never be too pushy. Your There is nothing stopping you from friends and family will understand searching for other jobs while work- that you’re serious about finding a ing at the warehouse. Your employ- job, they’re not going to think difer understands that you’re there for ferently of you if you keep pestering ASSISTANT PHOTO EDITOR

them for a boss’ phone number or a helpful suggestion.

Many of my friends feel that as university students, they can waltz into a place of business, drop off a resume, and get hired a week later. For most of us this is not the case. You don’t have your degree yet, and you certainly don’t have as much work experience as many unemployed people out there. The biggest mistake you can make is thinking that you are more deserving of a job than a regular Joe off the street.

Understand that, as students, we are at the bottom rung of the employment ladder and with this in mind you need to work as hard as humanly possible to secure a place of employment.

ment agency. I immediately declined, thinking I was above such a place, but upon further research I discovered it would cost me nothing to sign up and they would actually find a job for me. Three days later and I was working with Samsung testing cell phones at 15 dollars an hour.

The agency took a small cut from my paycheque (around $25 per week), and I kept the rest.

Employment agencies are great because they take your interests and job skills and only look for jobs that suit your abilities. Even better, if they can’t find you a job they can’t make any money off of you so it’s a win-win.

That’s it!

And if you’re wondering Tip #6: Employment agencies are if I’ve found a job yet, yes I have. your friend.

I’ll be in Europe for four months, Four years ago I had a year off from backpacking with groups of travelschool and needed money badly. lers ... and getting paid for it. I’m After applying to several dozen not boasting, I’m lighting a fire! places without any luck, I was told Get out there! Find that by a friend to register at an employ- dream job!

s

THE SILHOUETTE • C11

THURSDAY, MARCH 31, 2011

Soft Skills

Soft skills or hard skills, which are crucial?

KAITLIN PETERS

ASSISTANT INSIDEOUT EDITOR

After four years of filling your brain with what seems like useless theory, you’ve finally made it to the point where you can start making money off of that laminated paper you have hanging on your bedroom wall.

But when you’re sitting in front of HR in your shiny new loafers and they ask you, “How would you be an asset to this company?” how do you answer? Should you play up your great communicative ability?

On the other hand, this is a sales job and they probably want to know if you have sales experience.

You’ve approached to the impasse where soft skills and technical expertise just can’t seem to come to a compromise. While it

might seem logical that you should emphasize those hard skills that you’ve worked hard to acquire over the years – such as your mastery of Excel – to set you apart from the crowd, neglecting to display your people skills could mean getting passed over for the job.

Human resource professionals were asked what they felt contributed most to “on-the-jobperformance” and topping off the list were person-organization fit and interpersonal behaviours while relevant experience and technical skills filled out the bottom.

Valuing soft skills over hard skills might seem to be illogical; why would you even bother going to school then? It’s not as if technical skills are completely irrelevant, job seekers still need to have

the basic experience and skills to get the results the company wants.

But when selection is down to two candidates who both fulfil the mandatory requirements, the person who mentions they can’t stand working in a team is going to be sent packing. Employers want someone who has the ability to quickly adapt to their new work environment without too much hassle.

When you’re applying for a position, make sure you do your homework to get a feel for the company’s culture.

Determine the type of work environment that makes you the most comfortable, whether it is fast-paced team environment, or complete autonomy. In fact, not only can you demonstrate your great interpersonal and communica-

tion skills in an interview, but, when appropriate, you can share how the company’s values align with your own.

Depending on the job you’re applying for though, you have to be smart about deciding which skills to emphasize. There are a number of professions where soft skills may be more important than occupational skills. Having great interpersonal skills and charisma are probably more important for a sales rep than an accountant. There may also be a number of you who are now thinking that you’re never going to get a job because you have no people skills.

I’d like to tell you that it’s easy to improve your interpersonal skills, but that would be a lie. Typically, introducing a new

interpersonal skill is very difficult because it means replacing an old skill, which can’t be deleted like an unwanted file. These entrenched behavioural patterns can only be replaced over a long period of time if they consistently get better results.

In fact, over 93 per cent of human resource managers stated that technical skills were easier to learn than soft skills. Though this statistic may be depressing to those hidden away in their basement playing Dungeons and Dragons, those of you who have aspirations for a job you may not be qualified for, should take heart.

If you can display great soft skills and values that align with those of the company’s, you may just find yourself sitting in the executive seat before you know it.

Is innovation really progressive?

Are the new ‘innovations’ by companies like Apple really steps forward? Or are they dressing up the same thing as something new?

CHRISTOPHER CHANG SENIOR PHOTO EDITOR

There are a lot of people out there who I think should take a minute to think about what is innovation?

Done thinking? Strictly speaking, innovation is to renew or change.

In the business world innovation seems to apply to the creation or modification of new products. This is a fairly stupid approach to interpreting what innovation is.

Innovation applies to every facet of the business world.

I’m going to very broadly define what innovation is. Innovation is the quiet little kid sitting in the back of the room; he doesn’t speak often, and even less frequently, he’ll actually do something. But when he does it’s always something that confuses people … confuses and delights them, like the time he took a Rubik’s Cube and solved it by taking the stickers off and reordering them to match. Innovation is the friend you have who makes 3

right-hand turns instead of 1 left.

What I’m trying to irk out like an uncomfortable kidney stone is that innovation is the ability to solve a problem in a way never seen before. The ability to go at a problem not head on or from above but in a zigzag. It might look strange, it might even be stupid but it might be the next big breakthrough.

So how does this apply to business? Well let me walk you through it – in the recent years it seems that there are really only a handful of companies with the testes to think outside the box, to try something new. I just want to bring some light into the issue and maybe remind you all to think different once in a while.

So what ways do companies innovate? Well I’m going to be pulling lots of examples from Apple here because frankly they’re the best at it. Let’s see what they’ve done in the past. The first ever big thing Apple did was bring the mouse to computers. This is paramount in

the way we operate our computers today and back then, people condemned the things as “just another thing to buy for my computer.” Now it’s insane to think of a computer without one. This invention allowed Apple to show the world a new way to control a computer, and this kind of innovation is what people think of when they hear the word.

What else did Apple do?

Well let’s say you have a new-fangled doodad, and you called it the iPod. Great, there’s already tons of competition out there in the world that can do what your thing can, and better too!

How do you push the damn thing so it sells? Luckily for you, you paid top dollar for one hell of an innovative marketing team and someone noticed that all headphones around the world were pretty well black and said “Hey, what if we make the headphones for this eye-pod white?” Normally you would have opted to shove more crappy functions on your device but

luckily that day you stumbled upon one of the most successful marketing campaigns you’ve ever seen and now everyone is asking “Oh, Your, GOD, where’d you get white headphones?!”.

Just like that a problem was solved not by creation or addition, but by observation. The ability to sell a device not based on its own merit but by changing something so trivial, so small, yet so big, something that catches everyone’s eye, stirring up the buzz of a billion hornets. That’s the spirit of innovation.

So now you notice something else – all your friends are off making new toys and stuffing so many things into them, Bluetooth, Wifi, touch screens, the ability to surf the web, wireless communications using toast, and 400 ports for things you’ve never heard of.

You pick up one of their toys and notice that despite all the stuff in them, not one single function works really well, and there’s just too many things to do on your friend’s

CHRISTOPHER CHANG/ SENIOR PHOTO EDITOR

new toy. So you think, “hey what if I make a toy that only does three things, but it does those three things the best it can do and I’ll worry about everything else later?”

Again another golden Apple top tip: design your product to do a few tasks really well rather than a million tasks badly. This kind of thinking might sound intuitive to you but it was Apple who really broke that mould to give way to this kind of design. By noticing what everyone was doing they were able to see what everyone was doing wrong, they saw a solution no one else did. They are known for building things that do a few things; they only do a few things but they do them so well you fail to see what they don’t do and are taken away by the fluidity of their creations.

Apple are your friend who saw the roads jam up when everyone make a left turn, so they decided “hey I’m just going to do three quick right turns around the block instead.”

C12 • THE SILHOUETTE

THURSDAY, JANUARY 27, 2011

Offering hope & healing

“Look back but don’t stare. It is only when I make peace with what is behind me that I set my sights on what’s ahead”

Tuesdays

Binge Breakers 7:00pm -8:30pm Facilitator: Alison Colavecchia

Wednesdays

Yoga 7:00-8:30pm Facilitator: Leslie Landry

Thursdays

Teen Motivation Group: “Courage to Heal” 7:00-8:30pm Facilitator: Carly Lambert Support for Family and Friends 7:00– 8:30pm Facilitator: Jaime Thor Adult Support (Evening): 7:00pm– 8:30pm Facilitator: :Lesley Sardo

Please help us keep kids healthy, active, and engaged!

Go to www.ontopoftheworldforkids.ca to donate or sign up as a fundraiser!

TOFINO BC TO CAPE SPEARS NFLD Cycles across

Please see our website for full descriptions of our programs: www.daniellesplace.org

How to Register for a Program:

Drop in and fill out a registration 10 minutes before group, or call into the center Danielle’s Place Eating Disorders Resource and Support Center 895 Brant Street Unit #3 Burlington, ON L7R 2J6 We are a not-for-profit incorporated in Ontario 905-333-5548/1-866-277-9959 (001614555) and a federally registered charity info@daniellesplace.org (charitable number BN 85550 6671 RR0001)

HAMILTON & DISTRICT EXTEND-A-FAMILY VOLUNTEER OPPORTUNITIES “SHARE A SPECIAL FRIENDSHIP!”

Canada In support of the multiple schlerosis society of Canada

B U D DY P ROGRAM We have over one hundred children and teens with special needs waiting to spend time with a volunteer buddy. Matched buddies spend eight hours a month pursuing a hobby, playing sports, or enjoying other activities in the community.

Gain volunteer experience, have fun, and share a special friendship with a young person with special needs and gifts!

Discover More & Donate at Trek4MS.ca

FRIENDSHIP CLUB We offer a minimum of six recreation events each month, providing respite and opportunities for fun and friendship in the community.

We bowl, play laser-tag, go rock-climbing, and challenge each other in all sorts of fun ways.

We have a great bunch of volunteers who assist at these events and are always happy to welcome more!

I N T E R E S T E D? VISIT OUR WEB-SITE, FIND US ON FACEBOOK OR CONTACT US! w w w. e x t e n dafamilyhamilton.on.ca • 905-383-2885 e a f @execulink.com (Buddy Program) re c . e af@gmail.com (Friendship Club)

parks and recreation • shad hobo with a shotgun • sucker punch

andex

thursday, march 31, 2011

Senior Editor: Roxannedroid Hathway-Baxter Entertainment Editor: Smyles Herod Music Editor: Dan Wawie Contributors: Mike Gallant, Ariel Fisher, Colin Leggett, Trevor Roach, Jasmine Keillor, Chris Hoy, Corrigan Hammond, Josh Parsons

Cover: Christopher “Chairman” Chang

in the hammer mar.31

St. Alvia This Ain’t Hollywood 8:00 p.m.

mar.31

Tokyo Police Club Hamilton Studio Place 8:00 p.m.

apr.1

DD/MM/YYYY This Ain’t Hollywood 10:00 p.m.

apr.2

Teenage Head This Ain’t Hollywood 8:00 p.m.

apr.2

Michou Absinthe 7:00 p.m.

apr.3

The Real McKenzies The Casbah 8:00 p.m.

mar.30

music

Shad The Casbah 8:00 p.m.

theatre until apr.10

volunteers!, marinu: the marinator, pre-smoke defecating and urination, soco splitz, down belt sizes: achieved!, group photos, let’s try this fucker out, joey “shithead,” dropshadow - 0.625, fleet foxes bitch, mcmaster: where’s the upperdecking? 150 pounds max, caponian syphillis, starburst pinks, chris erlisms, huronnn!

this week

For This Moment Alone Theatre Aquarius 190 King William Street Hamilton, L8R 1A6 (905) 522-7529

film opening

now

andy’s ticks

Source Code Insidious Super

the year is over

thank you to all of our wonderful volunteers. we didn’t pay you, but we love you. platonically.

quit reading this blurb. we’ve run out of ideas. derp.

thursday, march 31, 2011

f.u.b.a.r.

of the events we had to cover didn’t seem like they would exactly be up our alley, but one of the editorial column most valuable lessons I roxanne hathway-baxter have personally garnered dan hawie from my work as an edimyles herod tor is that you have to give things a chance. You Just as quickly as it began, it’s all have to try new things with an open over. It’s the season finale, the cur- mind and often afterwards you’ll tain is coming down. It’s this year’s find yourself to be pleasantly surlast issue of ANDY and may I just prised. Cliché, no? say, it’s been an absolute trip. There We started off the year as have been some late nights, some re- ANDY editors with humble goals. ally late nights, and some very corny We hoped to be a helpful source puns, but now that it’s all over and for culture, both locally and abroad. done, every minute spent straining We wanted to get students out of our eyes, and every article laboured the campus bubble and see that the over seems more than worth it. Let Hamilton area is filled with great this editorial serve as the newspaper arts and culture if you just look equivalent of that last blessed class around. Did you guys get out there? before exams, the one in which you Maybe it was walking up review everything and you find out and down James Street for a monthwhat you have both missed and ly art crawl or getting to Robinson learned.

Memorial Theatre to be in the au Working as editors for dience of one of the Honours PerANDY has given us many oppor- formance Series plays but, either tunities to interview celebrities, as way, we hope that our little magawell as review movies, plays, and zine/newspaper/publication thing exhibits. We learned that many ce- served as somewhat of an inspiralebrities are a lot nicer and more tion. intelligent that you might think, It’s very easy to fall into and speaking to them has provided a rut when you’re in school. The some great insight into topics we readings pile up, the essays don’t renever could have imagined. Some lent, and then when you’re reeling

column

from everything that the university can throw at you, those dreaded exams begin. When you finally get a chance for release, especially in Hamilton, it sometimes feels like there is nothing to do. Well, not nothing to do exactly, but just the same things over and over again.

You can only go to Hess Village so many times before you’ve frequented every bar at least twice. As time goes by, you can sometimes feel the borders of the half a million-person city getting smaller and smaller.

Although it might not always appear to be on the surface, Hamilton is a fantastic city. If you can get through the smog and the colourful characters who frequent Jackson Square, you will find that there are countless restaurants, boutiques and galleries just an HSR bus ride away.

Through my four years at university I grew to view Hamilton as a diamond in the rough, and I really think that’s the best way to describe it. You have to work a little harder to find the best bits, but that doesn’t make it any less great.

Besides, when you find something truly amazing, don’t you feel it was more than worth the wait all along?

I feel like I’m writing a speech as the valedictorian I never was. I’m not getting teary-eyed, I

the silhouette’s art & culture magazine • D3 swear, but I am getting a little sad.

The whole year came to an end so fast, and now all that’s in my foreseeable future are exams and hot, unemployed summer days. Please don’t leave me, ANDY.

The three of us at ANDY would like to throw out a humongous thank you to our dedicated volunteer base. Without you guys, the weekly issue would have been just a bunch of blank pages. Thank you for coming to the meetings to keep us company in the dank and curiously hot basement that we began to call home. We owe you many, many beers.

And, finally, we’d like to thank our readers. Thanks for putting up with the terrible puns and cheesy jokes for a whole year.

We probably lost a lot of you after February’s bad joke overload, but for those of you who stuck with us through thick and thin and corny, you’re the best. Seriously though, without you we wouldn’t have had jobs. Pat yourselves on the backs, ANDY readers. You kept us eating for a whole year. You’re heroes, really.

Stay sexy,

Roxanne, Dan, and Myles xoxoxo

ticklin’ the staff

andy’s picks

1. Closing Time Semisonic 2. Leaving on a Jet Plane Peter, Paul & Mary 3. Tuesday’s Gone Lynyrd Skynyrd 4. Let it Die Feist 5. A Slow Parade A.A. Bondy 6. Woke Up New The Mountain Goats 7. The Tide Spill Canvas 8. Better Days Graham Nash 9. Don’t Dream It’s Over Crowded House

where are you ticklish?

compiled by christopher chang & roxanne hathway-baxter

“behind my knees” kaitlin peters assistant inside out editor

“my inner labia” jonathon fairclough assistant photo editor

“my parasitic twin” peter goffin executive editor

“my hoo-hah” cassandra jeffery opinions editor

“my gooch” santino marinucci business editor

D4 • the silhouette’s art & culture magazine

music

thursday, march 31, 2011

the “what the fuck” factor o.f.w.g.k.t.a and the importance of branding in the modern music industry

“Check these guys out, man. They’re a bunch of kids from L.A. who wear lots of Supreme clothing and rap about some really weird, heavy stuff.”

The first time I was told about the blazing hot hip-hop collective Odd Future Wolf Gang Kill Them All – quite necessarily abbreviated to OFWGKTA, or shortened to Odd Future – nothing was said about their music. All I got was a description of their style, their vibe, and their attitude. I wasn’t being told about Odd Future’s music, I was being told about their brand.

Intrigued by my roommate’s description of the L.A. collective, I proceeded to tune into Late Night to watch their bizarre, gnome-filled television debut that played out like the musical equivalent of a really good horror film. Odd Future’s combination of creepy vibes and smart lyricism had me hooked. Excited to hear more, I downloaded all of their mixtapes, and they’ve been on heavy rotation ever since. Odd Future have

found themselves a new fan. Judging by the buzz surrounding these guys, though, it looks like they’ve found a hell of a lot more than that.

In the age of the Internet, where music distribution is easy as an upload, it is becoming increasingly difficult for artists to stay afloat in an ocean of mp3s. The past few years have seen artists play on absurdity to get listeners to give their music a double take.

Odd Future’s talent and raw energy are undeniable, but without a unique brand, nobody would be listening. Talent isn’t the problem in the modern music industry, exposure is.

Odd Future are the most recent act in a long line of artists who understand how to brand themselves in this new era of music distribution. DJ/producers Diplo and Switch understood the importance of standing out when they branded their dancehall/ electro project Major Lazer as the music of a soldier who had lasers for arms. Brooklyn rappers Das Racist are such unconventional

lyricists that half of their listeners are left asking if what they just heard was a joke. Perhaps most notably, though, South African rave-rap mindfuck Die Antwoord have accumulated mass amounts of hype through their absurd style, which is heavy on the profanity and penis references, decorated in a rebelliously trashy clothing style called “Zef.” All of these artists have received considerable attention by embracing a certain “WTF” factor in how they portray themselves.

It’s important to note, however, that Odd Future’s one-of-a-kind attitude is not a front. Odd Future support their – dare I say – gimmicky swagger with raw creative talent.

Their clever lyrics and jarring music videos are carefully calculated, brilliant expressions of how Odd Future portrays themselves. Beneath all of their self-proclaimed swagger, Odd Future are delivering substance.

Odd Future, much like Das Racist, enjoy much of their success due to their departure from archetypal hip-hop. While

Das Racist takes an apathetic approach, Odd Future chew through their tracks, opting to fill their bars with aggression, rather than the usual “champagne and women” imagery that the genre is so often criticized for. Odd Future’s sound, though unsettling, is a refreshing deviation from the incessant boasting of far too many popular hip-hop artists.

As the Internet catalyzes the music industry’s transformation, artists are being forced to adapt in order to survive. This adaptation is exactly what makes today’s music industry so exciting: the pressure to stand out encourages artists to experiment in areas that would never be supported on the radio. Odd Future are taking advantage of an industry in flux by branding themselves to stand out and embracing the strange to find success in sounds that have rarely seen it in the past.

We’re in the future of the music industry, and it’s an odd one indeed.

•

Mike Gallant

thursday, march 31, 2011

film

the silhouette’s art & culture magazine • D5

genre filmmaking with a vengeance Hobo With a Shotgun Directed by: Jason Eisener Starring: Rutger Hauer, Brian Downey

HHH If you’re going to make a horror film, go for broke. Indulge in its foreboding dread, accentuated shadows, excessive gore, and immoral integrity. Just don’t cop out. While it’s frustrating top see a film cheat its intended audience, there’s nothing worse than it ruining an entire genre.

Horror films of the Northern American mold have suffered greatly. Neutered, branded, and left sanitized by the PG 13 rating, an ever-growing conservatism has sought to make these pictures tamer and more profitable to the masses.

Like watching nostalgia played through a dusty VCR, Hobo With a Shotgun arrives seemingly out of the sewers from a parallel 1980s universe.

Delivering a psychotic fervor, it is comparable to the low-budget, grindhouse pictures it obviously pays homage to. But Hobo With a Shotgun does it better, hell-bent on offending anyone and everyone.

Depraved visions of exaggerated gore, mass murder and human entrails wash the screen like an abstract painter to his canvas. Hobo will repel and sicken many, but therein lies its vivacity as a true trash pastiche.

Based off a fake trailer made for Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez’s movie Grindhouse, Hobo has been fleshed out by director Jason Eisener without noticeable lag. The story follows a nameless hobo (Rutger Hauer) riding a train into Fuck Town, a city of poverty and rampant corruption, controlled by a villainous imp named Drake (Brian Downey), a gangster-dictator with the charisma of an insidious game show host.

Alongside his berserk sons, Slick (Gregory Smith) and Ivan (Nick Bateman), they find gratification in breaking bones, setting children on fire, and drowning their noses in ludicrous amounts of cocaine.

While mayhem engulfs the city streets, the hobo, with the help of a goldhearted hooker (Molly Dunsworth), decides justice comes with a shotgun, one bullet at a time.

Cranked to the limit, from acting to camera compositions, the film leaves little time to digest everything that’s thrown on screen. It’s not enough to be slightly de-

ranged in order to conceive a movie like Hobo With a Shotgun – it takes passion.

A vagrant who disposes of scum with a shotgun is too easy. To succeed on this level of vileness takes a sense of humour, juggling tones of comedy, graphic violence, and the human condition.

Apart from providing the crackling vigilante storyline, writer John Davies instills Hobo with some unexpected sentiment and oddly memorable monologues from the steely-haired Hauer.

Consider the scene in which he’s taken back to the hooker’s bed to rest after having a knife thrust into him. As he’s given a shirt to wear, the emblem of a cartoon bear adorning his chest causes him recall thoughts on the animal, developing a quiet exchange between both characters, not feeling forced, but instead creating depth.

Credit not only Eisener and Davies for this balance, but also the conviction of Hobo’s cast, invigorating characters beyond the point of simple sketches. Rutger Hauer, a superb talent for the past four decades, creates a lived-in being.

The camera catches his worn face and eyes as Eisener smartly uses it to the film’s advantage. Oddly enough, Hauer’s

hobo doesn’t thirst for blood intentionally; he only wants money to buy a lawnmower to start his own grass-cutting business.

Hobo With a Shotgun not only pays tribute to 1970s and 1980s exploitation films, it mirrors the direct-to-video heyday verbatim.

Encouraging jeers and cheers; stylistic devices are brilliantly supplied to back the excitement by way of a muffled synthesized score and cinematography saturated in Technicolor graininess.

Although a hard 'R' rating comes accordingly, Eisener thinks outside the box to earn it, devising new ways to destroy the human body with absurd mutilations, shotgunned castrations, and an ice skate to the torso – all done with tongue firmly placed in cheek.

Some may condemn the film’s perpetual bad taste, but to do so would be to miss its bizarre blending of humour and nightmarish visuals. It’s not just enough to have a man decapitated with barbed wire; the film takes it further, having a woman in a white bikini soak and gyrate in his blood.

• Myles Herod

D6 • the silhouette’s art & culture magazine

television

thursday, march 31, 2011

clocking out and clocking in parks and recreation fills the mockumentary void that the office will leave Listen up everybody: The Office is on its last legs, and it has left viewers pondering, “What happens to us fans of the mockumentary format when our flagship program leaves port forever?”

Well, fear not, for NBC has had an ace up its sleeve for three seasons now: the hilarious and heartwarming Parks and Recreation.

Last Thursday, Michael Scott made the formal announcement to his employees that he would be leaving The Office and moving to Colorado. Fans of the program knew Steve Carell was going to be gone by the end of the season, but in that short moment right at the end of the episode, the truth of Michael Scott’s departure was finally spoken aloud.

It’s probably for the best that The Office will be off the air soon. The series has had seven incredibly successful seasons. However, as a series goes on, characters in the show tend to go through a phase known colloquially as “Flanderization.”

What that means is that characters with certain traits eventually just become cari-

catures of themselves. Think Flanders going from nice Christian neighbour to full-on fundamentalist. The characters and situations on The Office have become increasingly, for lack of a better word, zany.

So when Steve Carell leaves, The Office is bound to go through a “Chachi” phase, wherein a popular and eccentric character is replaced by an even more eccentric but ultimately less likable character. After that, The Office will be in prime shark-jumping territory, and Parks and Recreation will hopefully take over its coveted 9 p.m. timeslot.

It certainly deserves it: Parks and Recreation stands out as one of the brightest and funniest shows on television, with an amazing cast to boot. Like The Office, the show is filmed in a mockumentary style, with cutaways to talking head segments, voiceovers, and shaky cam.

The sense of reality with the mockumentary format has always given slightly more depth to characters, which would otherwise be one-note sitcom standards, and Parks and Recreation is no exception.

The format isn’t the only thing Parks

has in common with The Office. Both shows were created – or adapted – by Greg Daniels, a man who knows television comedy, having also written, produced, and directed for The Simpsons and King of the Hill, which he co-created with Mike Judge.

Daniels’ specialty, stemming first from King of the Hill, has always been in creating characters that bleed comedy. Parks and Recreation’s cast plays their parts much in the same vein: people who shouldn’t be funny – in this case, city workers – working jobs that normally wouldn’t garner laughs, but almost every situation they find themselves in is so outrageous, that the results end up being raucously hilarious.

The cast of Parks is top notch: sketch comedy veteran Amy Poehler plays the part of over-enthusiastic Parks director Leslie Knope, with so much unabashed optimism that she disappears into the role. Poehler is supported by some great comedic actors, including upand-comer Aziz Ansari, Nick Offerman, Aubrey Plaza, and Rashida Jones, who usually plays it straight, but every so often is given lines that are true comedic gems.

The characters on Parks are pretty out there. They are much more animated and over-the-top than the characters on The Office, so what makes them work in the mockumentary format? The answer is that the Parks characters started out kind of wacky, but unlike The Office, the show has kept them solidly grounded in reality.

Like the best episodes of The Office, Parks and Recreation is filled with heart. The characters are so easy to love because deep beneath their comedic façade lies an emotional base. Though they are hilarious, we never forget that these are supposed to be real people with real feelings – something The Office has been lacking lately.

While fans will probably mourn The Office for months after its departure, they should never forget that moving on is part of the process. And although hardcore Office fans may not warm up to Parks and Recreation right away, they will eventually have to come around and admit it: Leslie Knope is the new Michael Scott.

• Colin Leggett

thursday, march 31, 2011

film

the silhouette’s art & culture magazine • D7

pulling punches Sucker Punch Directed by: Zack Snyder Starring: Emily Browning, Abbie Cornish

HH Sucker Punch, Zack Snyder’s first attempt at an original film, only calls attention to the fact that his greatest success has come from adapted screenplays. In this particular instance, the old adage that “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” rings shockingly true of his career habits.

The film is visually dazzling, and its action sequences are really quite enticing, showcasing Snyder’s strengths. However, his weaknesses are front and center, overshadowing any barely existent potential this debacle had.

Unfortunately for Snyder, Sucker Punch behaves surprisingly like its namesake: it attempts to distract you with the sex appeal of its leading ladies, and then heavy-handedly smacks you in the face with ten tonnes of action and CGI. It takes no skill or finesse to produce, and puts the audience in a confused haze.

The film follows young Baby Doll, distraught after her mother’s death. Her evil stepfather takes her to an asylum to be committed. In an attempt to cover his abu-

sive tracks, her stepfather pays a hefty sum to have Baby Doll lobotomized by the High Roller (John Hamm).

Upon overhearing a conversation to that effect, Baby Doll seems to dive headfirst into a fantasy world within the asylum.

Therein, she and her sexpot friends have the power to hypnotize any male through dance.

After being greeted in a fantasy within her fantasy by the Wise Man (played

by Scott Glenn in what has to be the grossest misuse of his talents to date), Baby Doll is given moderately incoherent instructions for a quest, the purpose of which is never made clear. And that’s the catalyst for possibly the least coherent film of 2011.

Sucker Punch looks like a fan boy’s wet dream from start to finish with scantily clad, vulnerable girls who can kick ass at every turn.

This much can be said about the film: the entirety of the female cast is believable in their combat scenarios. However, they would do well not to open their mouths.

Every word penned by Snyder and co-scribe Steven Shibuya drips with melodramatic angst and incessant clichés, which are in no way helped by the atrocious acting.

Possibly the worst example of this is Wise Man’s constant barrage of clichés, not-so-cleverly disguised as profound words of wisdom.

There is gratuitous use of the writings of Sun Tzu when we first meet the Wise Man, in an attempt to emphasize the profundity of the character.

Unfortunately the talents of the writing staff couldn’t quite live up to the prose of the great military commander. In his first attempt at an original screenplay, Snyder chose none other than Shibuya, a man who has been in the industry doing menial labor on sets since the mid 1980s, with only four previous titles to his name.

The only recognizable movie on his IMDB resume is Killer Klowns From Outer Space (1988), and that isn’t something to be proud of.

Sucker Punch is Shibuya’s first attempt at writing in his 22 years in the industry and, unfortunately, his lack of experience shows.

One wonders if the only reason Snyder chose him to co-write this assault on cinema is due to their film school friendship.

It’s surprising to find out that this man’s gone to film school at all.

Beyond the shoddy writing, attention has to be called to the soundtrack. Snyder wanted to base much of the film around a powerful selection of songs, most of them iconic. The result is infuriating at times.

The use of Jefferson Airplane’s “White Rabbit,” as recreated by Emiliana

Torrini, during a WWI-inspired battle sequence feels strange and out of place, as opposed to inspired and creative.

The heavy-handed use of a flakey, butchered version of The Pixies’ “Where Is My Mind,” as covered by Yoav and featuring the film’s star, Emily Browning, played as she enters the asylum will surely send groans through the cinema.

However, an interesting remix of Björk’s “Army of Me” featuring Skunk Anansie seems to fit moderately well, however painfully transparent its placement may be (Browning battles three mammoth iron Samurai warriors solo, as the music streams in the background).

In the end, little could save this shoddy excuse for a profound plot from its timely critical demise. It is a clumsy, convoluted concept, with a shoddily written script, and exceptionally poor execution. According to Snyder, many key scenes needed to be cut from the film in order to get its more broadly marketable PG-13 rating.

Unfortunately, no one will be going to see it, since those missing key scenes may unlock the cipher that remains of the “plot.”

If you’re still set on assaulting your senses and killing your brain cells, don’t pay for it:.

Sneak in.

• Ariel Fisher

D8 • the silhouette’s art & culture magazine

literature

thursday, march 31, 2011

six sublime reads for shining summer daze Pack a picnic and head out into the summer daze for an afternoon in imagination land. These books will give you a needed break from the real world. Sit back and let your mind soar.

• Eric Williams

JOY SANTIAGO/ MULTIMEDIA EDITOR

Johnny Kicker Jeremy Beal

Marijuana Time Ken Lukowiac

Who is Johnny Kicker? The fugitive leads a rock-and-roll revolution that blows up like the Sex Pistols in a Soho Hilton. Music makes mayhem causing culture and civilization to collide in what is sure to become a Canadian classic. The characters are rich, the story is compelling, and when you read it, you wish you were that cool. You also wish that the author was a band, so you could download the album and untap the uncanny uber-awesomeness that comes across page after page after page. This text is just dying to be made into a movie. Jack White should play the lead. Until that time, you’ll just have to let the cinematic magic unroll in your mind, and trust me, it will.

This story feels like Jack Kerouac’s On The Road, but instead of a beatnik in the 1950s, it’s about a British Paratrooper in the 1982 Falklands War. It starts with the somewhat accidental conflict between the United Kingdom and Argentina over disputed islands, and then takes a fascinating turn as the main character makes the transition from storm trooper to drug smuggler. While pot smokers everywhere will love this book, it can hardly be described as pro drug induced. While the hilarious highs make for a great story, in the end, just like Johnny Depp in Blow, his life is crushed by the consequences.

literature

thursday, march 31, 2011

the silhouette’s art & culture magazine • D9

Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy Douglas Adams

The Hedonism Handbook Michael Flocker

Like Star Wars, Star Trek, Battlestar Gallactica and Dr. Who, HGTTG has inspired a generation of lusty nerds whose desperate cravings for the final frontier and female flesh literally created the computer age. Movies have been made about this book, but even the best does not do it justice. The cleverness of Adams’ writing is totally lost on the screen.

I’ve hardly read any book more than once, but I’ve read this at least five times. This story is dying to take you places. I always get hooked right at the beginning, where the word yellow wanders through his mind, looking for something to connect with. Next thing I know, I’m at the Restaurant at the End of the Universe.

I really recommend this for all you students who have demanding parents always wanting more. Your life is about you, and about you being happy. If you can’t get that far, you probably won’t have a good time. If even one per cent of this book sticks, you are already moving in the right direction. This is the perfect thing to read on a hot, sandy beach.

What do you really want out of life? Think of it as the exact opposite of self-help books like the The Seven Habits of Highly Successful People.

Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland Lewis Carroll

Steal This Book Abbie Hoffman

This mother of all trips is truly a blast from the past. Better versions have drawings or include the sequel as well. I love the creative layout of the text. Carroll’s surprisingly sober rants were poetic precursors to 1960s hippie hedonism that were worshipped as psychedelic prose by funky freaks just like your grandma. Alice consistently pleases drug fiends and children everywhere. It works better if you forget any preconceptions you have from the movies, and just accept the text for what it is.

Let your mind ride. In the chaotic turns and twists of life, we all need to take a ride down the rabbit’s hole. Let’s party like it’s 1865!

This book is a groovy time machine. The book is like a bible of badness, with tricks just as you would find on a bad Internet site.

While on the surface, it reads like a textbook for stealing and conning your way to a bunch of free stuff, it’s really a museum to a lost world. While a few freeloading strategies are relatively timeless, most are long expired. My favourite section covers tricks and techniques for scamming free air travel. Imagine that.

Airports so insecure that you could just sort of jump aboard, like Rambo on a city bus. Far out, man! Turn on your favourite ’60s mix and get in touch with your inner freak!

D10 • the silhouette’s art & culture magazine

music

thursday, march 31, 2011

tween idols are back in black

JOY SANTIAGO/ MULTIMEDIA EDITOR

Can anybody tell me why I know the name Rebecca Black? Or better yet explain to me why I can even recite some of the terrible lyrics from her terrible song “Friday”?

The elusive nature of viral videos and the blogosphere have relentlessly spread the awkwardly autotuned musical effort of Ms. Black across every facet of the Internet, and consequently into the consciousness of 64 million YouTube viewers as of late.

The video and song’s attempt to relate to young girls has thoroughly missed its mark becoming the object of much hilarity, and even hate when all Rebecca Black truly wanted was to have “Fun, fun, fun.”

The video begins feebly attempting to situate itself among other much better songs with a bad graphic of a calendar flipping through phrases like “Tuesday is gone with the wind,” and hopefully now that “It’s Friday, I’m in love.” Yet love has not come the way Rebecca Black might have liked it to, as her musical efforts have quickly become famous for all the wrong reasons.

After hastily explaining to us her morning routine of eating cereal and getting down to the bus stop, Black takes some time to contemplate whether she will be “Kickin’ in the front seat,” or “Sittin’ in the back seat” with her fellow adolescent friends. Ultimately that thought-provoking question we all ask each morning of “Which seat can I take?” is told to be irrelevant because “It’s Friday …

FRIDAY!” With the usage of autotune making Black’s voice sound far too much like Fran Dresher, one has to wonder exactly how this song ever made it out of the production studio in a serious fashion. The record label behind Black’s musical blunder is ARK Music Factory; a label that seems to be devoted to attempting to fulfil little girls’ – or their parents’ – dreams of becoming the next Justin Bieber.

ARK has quite the crew of potential pop stars such as Abby Victor, Britt Rutter, Alana Lee, and anomalously a middle aged black rapper named Pato – who coincidentally makes rapping cameos in all of these young girls’ videos.

ARK Music Factory’s methods for creating these little teeny boppers are essentially the same with the exception of Pedo.

Oh my! I mean Pato … how could one make such a mistake?

The formula for ARK’s “success” is as follows: money from the parents of these

children, plus generic songs about adolescent love or a particular day of the week, plus autotune, plus terribly edited generic video with complementary rapping performance

by Pedo: the mini pop princess. Ms. Rebecca Black is simply a hilarious casualty within this messed up mix.

Unfortunately like any pseudo-celebrity plunged in front the harsh eye of countless condescending computer screen spectators, Rebecca Black has received quite a few harsh comments for such an innocent blunder. What many people don’t think about or realize is that behind this ridiculously poor piece of culture is a real girl, with real feelings, being manipulated by record producers and funded by parents who ultimately want to make some green.

The thing that adds to the bizarre nature of this whole scene is that “Friday” was not made as a joke. As Black recently showed on her special ABC unplugged performance of “Friday,” she has a better voice than autotune allows. Still, her mediocre talent does not shine through her – or her label’s – terrible song writing. In the video of this acoustic jam, her producers and friends force an emotional reaction that makes it very clear that ARK and their crew of misfit melodies should just stop while they’re behind.

The most interesting form of creation from this musical mess can be seen in a slew of YouTube covers ranging from death metal, Bob Dylan impersonations, a bad lip reading relating Black’s message to Nazism, and of course a handful of acoustic guitar renditions. These appropriations should act as testament to the fact that truly “everybody is lookin’ forward to the weekend, weekend.”

When it comes down to it Rebecca Black has made out pretty well. After the pain from those hurtful comments subsides, she will always be able to take pride in knowing that she had a part in explaining the concept of the weekend to millions of unknown haters who have helped her make a decent paycheque – over seven figures so far.

After all, at the end of the week it is Friday, and that is pretty exciting because as Rebecca Black informs me, the next day will be Saturday and Sunday comes soon afterwards. Let’s hope that after musically educating us on the formalities of the weekend, Black and her troupe at ARK Music Factory decide to slink back into obscurity.

• Trevor Roach

in stereo

thursday, march 31, 2011

the silhouette’s art & culture magazine • D11

featured review Protest the Hero Scurrilous

HHHH To casual listeners, Scurrilous will sound like the same masturbatory guitar flash that Whitby, ON’s Protest the Hero are infamous for. However, upon closer listening it instead reveals a band feeling more comfortable in their own shoes. While the technical aspect is as potent as ever, the riffs seem more thought out and restrained as opposed to merely overloading songs with gratuitous swept arpeggios. There is an overall greater attention to composition as song structure is noticeably more fluid, and eschews jarring and uncomfortable transitions plaguing their past work. Vocally, they ditch cheesy operatic moments and recall a sense of urgency reminiscent of their early material. Scurrilous is all together less heavy than previous work with almost no screaming and fewer palm-muted breakdowns. The band moves a step away from their metal contemporaries and deeper into progressive territory, making the listening experience even more rewarding than beating their song on expert in Guitar Hero.

• Chris Hoy

Kurt Vile Smoke Ring For My Halo

Eliza Doolittle Self-Titled

The Good Lovelies Let The Rain Fall

HHHH

HHHH

HHHH

The young Kurt Vile is back with his fourth and most impressive album. Smoke Ring represents Vile at his most mature, choosing to drop the lo-fi sound and his barrage of pedal effects. Instead, Vile is already sounding like he's aged by a decade since his last output, singing introspectively, "In my youth I was young and crazy/sure I didn’t know nothing but now I’m lazy."

The album borrows heavily from the longstanding tradition of guitar rock funneled through the grunge of the ’90s, as Vile tips his hat to the likes of Tom Petty and Lou Reed equally. Tracks are filled out with a warm string accompaniment and the company of his on-and-off touring band, The Violators. Though almost thought impossible, Kurt Vile proves that he has something sonically enriching to add to musical tradition.

In the midst of the overly manufactured pop clichés that populate the Top 40 charts of today, Eliza Doolittle offers a fresh take on the classic bubblegum-infused genre. With pep in her step and soul in her songs, this English sensation offers an enthusiastic ensemble of bright melodies and charming. Light and fluffy as cotton candy, yet witty and clever in nature, each song is jam packed with jazzy hooks, quirky percussion and crisp, bouncy guitars.

From swooning ballads, to energized and upbeat pop-rock explosions, Doolittle’s music echoes the sunny carefree nature of summer. Unfortunately, when listened to as a whole, the album tends to start lagging somewhere around the halfway mark, as the swarms of sunny songs start to lose their appeal amongst a sea of sugary sameness. However, each song is wonderfully unique and will get just about anyone snapping their fingers and tapping their toes.

Music, like a fine whiskey or wine, often takes years to come into full, rich flavour.

Toronto-based songstresses The Good Lovelies’ latest album, Let The Rain Fall, is no exception. The group, which honed their sound during a decade of obscure musical projects like The Barmitzvah Brothers, presents listeners with a vibrant blend of Americana folk. Just as they did on their 2009 release, Under The Mistletoe, The Good Lovelies continue to blend timeless vocal harmonies with vibrant and traditional folk stores that feel as if they could have been borrowed from The Great American Songbook. With a sound that is remniscient of Norah Jones, Neko Case, and The Secret Sisters, this record is a perfect disc to study or relax to.

•

Josh Parsons

•

Jasmine Keillor

• Corrigan Hammond

D12 • the silhouette’s art & culture magazine Fresh off of snagging a Juno for “Rap Recording of the Year” earlier this week, you’d be hard pressed to squeeze any bit of embellishment out of Shad. Though he may have a vibrant, larger-than-life stage presence, and throws around cerebral political hooks at, say, Glen Beck’s foie gras demise, the London, ON-based rapper reps an off-stage demeanour that’s entirely humble.

He’s surprisingly modest, really, especially considering his third full-length album, TSOL, made waves last year as one of the nation’s freshest additions to an industry resting way up on the shoulders of hip-hop giants like the Toronto-based Drake.

But it’s Shad’s off-the-cuff delivery, always fringing on self-reflection, never steeped in expletives, and pensively honest in addressing the hardships of life, liberty, and simply getting out of bed in the morning, that’s earned him the tag of key a hip-hop underdog. He wouldn’t eat his cake in any other way.

“Jay Z has this one line, ‘Would

music

you rather be overpaid or underrated,’” explained the rapper the morning after his Juno triumph. “It’s always really clicked for me, you know, to have that underdog mentality in my work. It’s a nice place to play from because it makes you give your all while having fun. You’re never necessarily expecting too much of an outcome,” he added.

Without a doubt, the outcome of TSOL has been a gratifying bolster to Shad’s career. With a National Post nod for the top spot on its “Canada’s top 10 rappers” list, and a close runner-up position in the short-list round of the 2010 Polaris Music Prize, the MC’s recent Juno steal from Drake’s internationally heralded favourite, Thank Me Later, was a landmark feat in personal validation.

As Shad explained, “Everyone knows there’s no such thing as picking a best album, so it’s a little arbitrary in terms of who wins, but the Juno win is something that I can now take and share with the people that have supported me from the bottom-up.

thursday, march 31, 2011

“On a personal level, then, it’s validated the whole grassroots vibe of my work,” he added. “I’ve never liked the idea of forcing my music down people’s throats, and I think it’s important, at least in my case, to make music for what it is and, from there on, letting it go wherever it may go. It’s a solid spin, and it’s always made sense for me, so I’m privileged that it’s worked out so far.”

In the wake of Arcade Fire’s Grammy triumph and the resulting exposure for the do-it-yourself brand of Canadian artists, Shad’s Juno pick-up couldn’t be any timelier. “This is The Hurt Locker defeating Avatar,” explained one writer on the Drake comparison. “Critically adored indie over big-budget, heavily promoted blockbuster.” And this perspective couldn’t be more accurate.

With Drake’s Thank Me Later making the case for a #1 charted album full of hip-hop’s biggest chorus-bringers (read: Kanye West and Jay Z), Shad’s TSOL, which locally reps the helping hands of rapper Classified and Broken

Social Scene’s Brendan Canning, juxtaposes the hip-hop trend of polished A-list cred. It shines on its own, as an album unabridged in honest wordplay, and on a broader level, as a testament to the merits of crafting music on one’s own terms.

“The DIY thing has become an appeal for music in general lately,” noted Shad. “It used to be that artist development was a top-down thing, and that still exists, but a lot of artists have been building fan bases and a distinct sound on their own, so it’s cool to finally see that kind of stuff being recognized.

“Arcade Fire’s a great example, because they came up blowing people’s mind on stage.” He added, “Being rewarded is one thing, but to follow in that path of being respected by peers and fans is more than enough for me. I can definitely get by on that.”

Shad will be performing in Hamilton on April 6 at the Casbah.

•

Dan Hawie

year of the underdog andy chats with diy wordsmith turned juno winner shad