1
Our Guide TO ACHIEVING
sport parenting EXPERTISE
Ask an Expert OUR RESEARCHERS ANSWER YOUR PARENTING QUESTIONS!
Welcome to the second issue of The Sport Parent!
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I would like to thank our readers for liking and sharing the first issue. I was pleasantly surprised by the amount of attention it received! For as long as I've been involved in youth sport (as an athlete, spectator, coach, and now researcher), I have heard the voices of parents who were wishing they had more information, and the voices of coaches who were wishing they had a way to educate parents. There is a lot of research that has been done, and is being done, for parents in youth sport, but there seems to be a disconnect when it comes to communicating that research so that parents can actually use it. I hope that this magazine can start bridging that gap and can become a useful resource for youth sport parents. What I really wanted for this issue, and for future issues, is to listen and communicate with parents. We want to answer YOUR questions and address the challenges that YOU face as a parent in youth sport, while introducing you to the research that is being done and the researchers who are doing it. I would like to thank Kassi Boyd, Lydia Sokol, and Colin Deal for their insightful contributions. A take away message for this issue is: Sport can be so much more than scoring goals and winning championships. In this issue, I hope you learn a little bit about how sport can be an inclusive and positive experience for every body, that athletes can help contribute to the community, and that ultimately, each child is unique in their sport journey and that it is our job (the grown-ups) to make sure they have the best experience possible.
It's lit, fam. Enjoy!
Shannon Pynn MA Student Editor 2 | SPRING 2016 | THE SPORT PARENT
THE SPORT PARENT | WINTER 2016 | 3
the sport parent table of contents
Youth Sport for Children Experiencing Disability: A Mother's Perspective
02 Message from
Kassi Boyd
the Editor
Ask an Expert 06 Our researchers answer YOUR parenting questions!
Resource 12 The Corner
04 Connecting sport and community:
Contribution and the power of sport Colin Deal
07
09 How to achieve
sport parenting expertise Lydia Sokol
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YOUTH SPORT FOR CHILDREN EXPERIENCING DISABILITY: A MOTHER'S PERSPECTIVE by Kassi Boyd Youth sport fosters positive youth development in areas such as competence, confidence, character, connection, and compassion. These positive developmental outcomes can be just as powerful for children that experience disabilities as it is for children that don’t experience disabilities. Unfortunately, parents of children that experience disabilities often fear that sport will have a non-supportive social structure and that their child will not feel included. These feelings may cause parents to withdraw their children from sport, or can prevent parents from registering their child in sport altogether.
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Kassi Boyd is a 2nd year Master’s student at the University of Alberta. She is working towards an MA in Adapted Physical write things here Activity. She works with families experiencing autism and her research focuses on how these families experience dignity during communitybased family leisure.
I interviewed Melissa, whose son Connor has autism, and asked her to share her and her son’s experiences from his first year in youth sport.
What advice do you have for parents of children experiencing disability who are thinking of enrolling their child in sport? I want to let parents know that getting their children enrolled and engaged in "typical/community" sport programs is not easy. You are often met with prejudices that children with delays belong, or would do better in, "special programming". We are a far way from inclusion. For instance, we knew that Connor would be best suited to play with the 5 year old group, rather than the 6 year olds. Playing with the 5 year olds would match him with peers that are closer to his skill level, which would allow for Connor to be more successful.
At first the soccer association would not let us move him down to the 5 year old group without paying for a doctor's note and getting a letter from an occupational therapist. This process cost me extra money and time, and only because I had a child with different needs. Once I did that, they then made me feel like he should probably join a program geared towards children with ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder). I could have gotten mad, taken Connor out of the program altogether and refused to pay extra to get notes for him, but I knew he would then miss out on a opportunity to play with his community peers. I know that he/we will always be faced with people who do not understand inclusion in sports, but I
need to do what I have to do in order to keep him involved in these types of activities. What barriers or challenges have you faced since enrolling your child in sport? Things like picture day, and tournaments can be very hard for Connor. There are no special accommodations made for children with disabilities. For instance, all of the teams in St. Albert were having their pictures done on the same day, outside, and with very little information given. Connor was very dysregulated and the photographer did not have time to wait for him, so he missed out on his pictures. It would have been nice if they could have scheduled a special time that day, for all kids with special needs so they could have extra time. We have been able to avoid a lot of challenges within Connor's team by educating the parents and coaches before the season started. I was able to send out an email to all the parents and coaches talking about Connor's diagnosis and what it would look like for him when doing something like soccer. We have noticed coaches on the other team sometimes get frustrated when they feel like Connor is not listening or behaving. We usually ignore this as they are really only interacting with Connor over a short period of time.
“We feel like educating the parents has been very successful, and has helped Connor be more successful.”
Connor also has a hard time keeping up with verbal instructions. I will often have to go on the field to help him understand what is going on so he can keep up. At most sports practices, the coach just yells verbal instructions to the children. This can be very problematic for children with any sort of executive functioning differences, language delays, or sensory processing disorders. Connor usually misses 75% of verbal instructions in warm ups. In order for Connor to be fully included and independent, the coaches would have to look at bringing in visuals and schedules to help him. At this time I feel like me going on the field would be easier than trying to get the soccer association to be open to using these types of strategies (that all children, not only Connor, would benefit from). What would you like other parents to tell their children about playing on a team with your child? We wanted to have some control over what the parents would tell their children, so we took the initiative to educate the parents first. We talked about how communicating with Connor can take more time, how his skills might look a bit different, and what they can do to have a positive interaction with him, and hoped that they would pass that information along to their children (Connor’s teammates). We often see other parents encouraging their
Melissa works as an intake coordinator for a local agency that provides services to families that have children with autism. She has one child, Connor, that was diagnosed with autism when he was 2 and a half years old. Connor is now 6, and is participating in his first year of youth soccer.
“They offer him the same opportunities as everyone else on the team but only expect him to do HIS best” children to pass to Connor and even offer to have their child sit out so Connor can get an extra turn if he is feeling anxious to go back on the field. We feel like educating the parents has been very successful, and has helped Connor be more successful. How do you think coaches can foster an atmosphere of inclusion for kids of all abilities? I think when the coaches understand more about the child's disability, they often treat them more like a team member. Connor’s coaches encourage him all the time even if he is not doing exactly what everyone else is doing. They offer him the same opportunities as everyone else on the team but only expect him to do HIS best. I think coaches need to take the time to learn about each child and their specific learning style or needs. Coaches (and parents) need to slow down and remove some of the pressure of being the best player, and encourage great team work - which means including everyone on the team. Encourage passing to everyone, cheering for everyone, and making sure everyone is having a good time. I know over time, as other children's skills get better, the demands of the game will increase. There may be a time when there will be no way for us to make community sports work for our child, but until that time comes we will keep enrolling Connor in these activities. He truly enjoys being part of a team. He takes great pride in helping and working with his new friends.
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N A K S A T R E P X E We understand that parenting in youth sport can be challenging. Here at The Sport Parent, we want to help you be the best sport parent you can be by using our research-informed expertise to answer your parenting questions.
Q: What is the appropriate age for my child to start participating in organized and competitive sports? A: This is a great question! Parents typically introduce their children to organized sport around age 6. From ages 6 to 13, they are in what is called the "sampling" years, where they should be focused on experiencing fun and enjoyment in sport. This is a time when children should focus on playing a wide range of sports, with an emphasis on deliberate play (e.g. fun, loosely structured activities) rather than deliberate practice (activities for the purpose of improving performance). This will allow your child to learn fundamental movement skills and explore new or different ways of doing things, which will help them remain active throughout life. There is evidence that an early emphasis on competition can have negative effects on youth, including burnout and loss of motivation. Research suggests that children do not fully comprehend how effort, practice, and ability can impact their performance until age 12 or 13. Prior to this age, they don’t understand competition and sport performance the way adults do, so we recommend waiting until your child is 12 or 13 before entering them into competitive sport. That doesn't mean that you can't enroll your child in U10 soccer, but it does mean that there should be less emphasis on winning games and more emphasis on having fun!
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Q: How should a parent deal with what they consider inadequate or inconsistent coaching? A: This is a question that a lot of parents have, and it's a tough one. Usually, we would suggest that parents should "leave the coaching to the coach", but if you truly believe that the coach is influencing your child's sport experience in a negative way or that your child's goals for sport participation aren't being met then it may be appropriate to intervene. It is important to remember that each situation can be different depending on the context. Inadequacy in coaching can mean many different things. So the first thing to do would be to reflect on what it is about the coach that you find inadequate. Next, you need to talk to your child. Ask your child what they think of their coach and if they are enjoying their sport experience. You need to discuss yours and your child's goals for their sport participation, and whether or not their coach is helping them meet those goals. If both you and your child are unhappy with the situation then it would be worthwhile to take action. If you don’t have this conversation with your child first, you might end up embarrassing them by talking to the coach. If, after discussing the issue with your child, you decide to talk with the coach, we recommend: -Contact the coach to schedule a meeting. You should be located in a space away from the athletes during your meeting and you shouldn’t approach the coach during a game or practice. -Stay calm in your conversation and don’t attack the coach. It is important that there is two-way communication where you can explain your concerns but also listen to what the coach has to say. If after your meeting you find that the coach's style or philosophy just doesn't line up with yours, that's OK. Perhaps it it is best that you enroll your child in a different club or find another coach that matches your goals!
CONNECTING SPORT AND COMMUNITY: Contribution and the power of sport by Colin J . Deal , MA
P
arents want their children to grow up to lead healthy, happy, and productive lives. For many children, part of a happy life comes from playing sports with their friends. Parents are quick to support sport participation because sport, in addition to being fun, can play a role in helping children learn a healthy lifestyle. In the media, we often hear stories from elite athletes about how sport taught them to be leaders, how to be a part of a team, or to keep on trying even when it seems like they are up against impossible odds. These are the kinds of stories that led me to my research. I wanted to know how young athletes learned these things through sport and how sport shapes us into the people we grow up to be.
I quickly learned that the stories about the power of sport were true, but that there was more to the story. Sport can teach things like goalsetting, time management, and how to manage emotions, but ultimately, it is the people in sport, not sport participation alone, that makes it possible. The caring and supportive adults who volunteer their time as coaches, managers, and club administrators, as well as the parents who support and encourage their children are the ones responsible for the power of sport. These learning experiences do not have to be limited to just the sport field. Coaches, parents, and administrators can help young athletes practice and apply the skills
they learned through sport in the wider community. During my masters research, I spoke with university athletes about how they make contributions. The term contribution refers to acts which have benefit for others, but also may benefit themselves.
The caring and supportive adults are the ones responsible for the power of sport." "
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The athletes described contributions ranging from pursuing higher education to more immediate contributions like becoming involved in social movements (e.g., Get REAL, an anti-bullying and LGBTQ discrimination campaign). However, most of the contributions the athletes spoke about were community based contributions like volunteering or helping raise funds for local charitable and service organizations. The athletes described these contributions as growth experiences where they were able to practice things that they had learned through sport, such as time management. They also explained how they got started making these contributions and their reasons often involved past or present coaches or other adults they met through sport participation. These adults either helped get them in contact with organizations that were aligned with their interests or they created opportunities themselves by, for example, hosting youth sport camps and clinics.
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While my masters research involved university level athletes, youth sport coaches, parents, and organizations can help younger athletes put the skills they are learning into practice through community based contributions. A good starting point for encouraging contribution may be to help out within the sport community. You, your children, and their teammates are already familiar with what is needed in the sport community and have already made connections with programs that may need help, simply by being an athlete. If you have any causes or organizations that are important to you, you should share them with your child and their team. By sharing causes you are passionate about, you might encourage them to take action, and in doing so they may find a new interest. Once they’ve decided to make a contribution, make sure that they are involved in planning and organization early in the process.
You can be there to help if needed, but you may be surprised by how much responsibility they can take on and how much they can learn from taking their teamwork off the field or court and out into the community. Through helping young athletes make community based contributions, coaches and sport parents can help youth build meaningful relationships with members and organizations in the wider community. In addition to practicing valuable life skills and improving the local community, contributing to the community can help youth discover new interests and may spark relationships that could turn into part-time jobs or references for scholarships and job applications in the future. Helping youth to contribute within the community scores a win for communities and for the futures of young athletes.
you may be surprised by how much responsibility they can take on and how much they can learn from taking their teamwork off the field or court and out into the community.
...
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HOW YOUNG ATHLETES CAN START CONTRIBUTING TO THE COMMUNITY : • Encourage your child to use their skills to coach or instruct others in their sport. For example, a team of hockey players could volunteer with a “Learn to Skate” program and provide one on one lessons for young children. • Sport organizations are always looking for officials and having your child become a referee could be a great way to give back to the community. Sport clubs sometimes organize tournaments for younger athletes and have the older athletes in the club referee and keep score during the games. • Parents and coaches can help young athletes run fundraisers to support specific causes. For example, collecting bottles or organizing a bake sale where proceeds go towards programs for at-risk youth. • Parents and coaches can also encourage their child’s team to put teams together for large existing events like Relay for Life and Run for the Cure.
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Colin J. Deal is a PhD student at the University of Alberta. His research interests include coaches’ influences on positive youth development and the transfer of life skills beyond the context of sport in the form of contributions to the community.
ACHIEVING SPORT PARENTING EXPERTISE WRITTEN BY LYDIA SOKOL
Ensuring your child has a positive experience in sport is not always an easy task. To complicate things, parents are often told what not to do, but are rarely given practical advice about what they should do to help their children in sport. In this article, we provide some practical advice about how to enhance your ‘sport parenting expertise’ based on a recent position statement published by internationally–renowned researchers from the UK.
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S
port parenting expertise is when parents are able to help their child achieve their sporting potential and develop physical, social, and life skills through sport participation. In their position statement, Drs. Harwood and Knight provide parents with the following specific recommendations for achieving sport parenting expertise.
Choose the right sport opportunities for your child. It is important that you create opportunities for your child to participate in a range of fun and enjoyable activities. Allowing your child to specialize in one sport too early (before age 13), can negatively affect their motivation and health. Instead, the focus of your child’s sport activities should be learning through play activities rather than through competition. It is also important that you communicate with your child so you both agree on goals for what to achieve through their participation in sport. For example, your goal for their sport participation may be for them to play at an elite level and earn a college scholarship, but their goal may just be to have fun and make new friends. Having conflicting goals may put pressure on your child and can discourage them from playing sports in the future. •
Provide the necessary types of social support. There are three types of social support your child needs from you throughout their sport participation: (1) emotional support, (2) tangible support, and (3) informational support. Emotional support involves providing comfort and security during times of stress to help your child feel cared for, and is often needed after a hard match or a loss. Tangible support refers to the practical support you provide your child, such as purchasing equipment, paying fees, and driving them to their activities. Informational support is when you provide your child with advice or guidance as a solution to a problem. An example of such support is helping your child keep sport in perspective or helping them balance their school and sport demands. •
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Use an autonomy-supportive parenting style. An autonomy-supportive parenting style means that you have clear and consistent boundaries for your child but you allow them to choose how they act within those boundaries. You may allow them to make some decisions for themselves and solve problems on their own. In sport, for example, you might drive them to their game, but you allow them to create their own pregame routine. Many research studies indicate that autonomy-supportive environments are more likely to enhance children’s well-being and motivation. It is also important that both parents use the same parenting style, as your child may be unsure of how they are supposed to act if they receive conflicting instructions. •
Manage the emotional demands of competition and the demands of being a sport parent. It is important to use coping strategies to manage the demands of being a sport parent so that you can provide support for your child. Make sure you manage your own emotions while watching your child participate in sport, as higher levels of parenting stress can transfer to your child. For example, if you are frustrated with the referee, try to hide your emotion so that you do not pass that frustration on to your child. •
Your goal for their sport participation may be for them to play at an elite level and earn a college scholarship, but their goal may just be to have fun and make friends." "
Be a role model for your child. Understanding your child’s emotions and needs will help you be a better sport parent. Try to appreciate values like sportspersonship, effort, and honesty, and role model these values to your child. For example, you should provide praise and encouragement while watching your child play, and cheer for other members of the team. Show that you understand the subtleties of the sport and the things your child has been working on in practice. Avoid giving technical or tactical advice – leave that for the coach! •
Have healthy relationships with coaches and other parents. Developing healthy relationships with other parents will give you someone to turn to for advice when you encounter new or difficult situations as a sport parent. Also, you should accept the coach’s authority and you should try not to undermine their leadership. This will minimize the stress on the coach and allow them to focus more on your child. •
Adapt your involvement and support to match your child’s needs. You should recognize when your child transitions to higher levels of sport competition, and shift roles accordingly. When your child begins to specialize in sport, it is important that you are an effective role model and educator. As your child grows older, provide unconditional social support and a safe haven while they become more independent and pursue their sporting goals. •
Following these recommendations will help you achieve sport parenting expertise. However, you should keep in mind that every situation is unique, and the best way to know how to help your child is to ask them. Have regular conversations with your child to discuss how they want you to be involved in their sport and how you can help them get the most out of their sport experience!
Click here to learn more about Dr. Harwood's research. Click here to learn more about Dr. Knight's research.
Source: Harwood, C. G., & Knight, C. J. (2015) Parenting in youth sport: A position paper on parenting expertise. Psychology of Sport and Exercise, 16, 2435.
Lydia Sokol is a 4th year undergraduate student at the University of Alberta, working towards a Bachelor of Physical Education degree. Her interests include playing multiple sports as well as coaching soccer, volleyball, and weightlifting.
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