Government spy pigeons go on strike

Toronto’s

Demand Better Working Conditions

Just this week, an informant from the government’s special surveillance department, employing hundreds of spy pigeons in major cities, leaked that the pigeons have unionised and are now going on strike. e Strand asked local union members for their thoughts and opinions.

“It’s really ****ing cold out here” said one member; “ ese bread crusts just aren’t cutting it anymore,” nodded another. Others are considering switching careers: “ ere’s only so much to report on the average Toronto mans. I think I would feel more ful lled as a carrier pigeon, but unfortunately the industry just isn’t booming ever since Canada Post took over lettermail.” Toronto’s avian intelligence unit is the rst to unionise, but other cities may soon follow suit. “Our colleagues in New York are in a similar position, so we’ve been working together on collective bargaining strategies,” says the outreach spokespigeon.

Our expert translator, who chose to remain anonymous, has a very busy schedule watching birds all day in High Park, so these are the only comments we were able to translate. When we asked Gonzo Greenbeard, second assistant to the associate director of the Central Toronto spy pigeon unit, for comment, they simply nodded twice and made some intricate foot moves before strutting away, which can only be taken to mean “we demand living wages.”