The Strand | Vol. 66, Issue 8

the

In defense of platonic love

OPINIONS | PAGE 05

Date the Strand

FEATURES| PAGE 08

Rabbit God POETRY | PAGE 14

Winter 2024 Caucus Report

A tame night of reports from both new and departing administrators

MICHAEL ELSAESSER FEATURES CO-EDITOR

On Friday, February 9, VUSAC members, club and levy representatives, and administrators filed into Alumni Hall for the annual Winter Caucus to hear reports and ask questions.

In their report, the representatives from the Bursar’s Office discussed the finished renovations on the Caven House windows and the EJ Pratt Library roof. Some projects on the horizon include the Vic Chapel revitalisation, the Indigenous Garden at Emmanuel College, and the Goldring renovations starting around March. One of the representatives from the office was James Hung, Vic’s new Associate Director of Campus Safety and Emergency Management. Hung said that in entering this new role, the primary focus has been scanning for improvements in emergency management, and figuring out the current relationship with Campus Safety. Hung was asked if there were plans to combat the negative impacts of campus police, to which Hung expressed an openness to hearing student concerns. In response to whether Vic currently owns and operates residential properties, the Bursar’s Office representatives stated that the university is currently in long lease agreements over buildings that may last for decades. Furthermore, the university is “hands off” with these residential properties which they own as landlords. The representatives claimed that the university is always looking to expand student housing options, though they did not mention any plans to revive the Stephenson House student co-op housing project.

The report by Kelley Castle, Dean of Students, focused on the university’s recent signing of the Okanagan Charter. Castle expressed a desire to create a health-promoting campus, with the well-being of students integrated into all aspects. Specific areas of focus include spaces like the Commuter Lounge, where Castle mentioned a hope that it could function similarly to the Burwash Overnight Study Space by providing commuter students an opportunity to work alongside each other. There were also discussions regarding services, and the need to engage student leaders in the creation of a health-promoting campus. During the question period, Castle discussed next fall’s Orientation, which will now be a full five days long rather than three as in previous years. This change will mean shorter days for the volunteer Orientation Leaders, who will be asked to work 14-hour days instead of historic 18-hour backto-back volunteer days. Castle also discussed an orientation week focused on neurodiverse students following the most recent Minding Our Minds Conference. The goal of the new programming will be to highlight roadblocks neurodiverse students may face and resources to support them in overcoming those obstacles.

Principal Angela Esterhammer then gave a report, which started with the announcement that she would be

stepping down at the end of this academic year after 12 years of service. In terms of her office’s plans for the remainder of her tenure, she mentioned efforts to update Vic courses and programs, done through the Victoria College Council, the EDIA working group, and UofT Quality Assurance which just finished its review of the Literature and Critical Theory program. Esterhammer further shared a notable growth in the Education and Society Minor, to the point that they are adding a new faculty member. In response to discussions on the recent rejection of the Creativity and Society Major by the Faculty of Arts and Science, Esterhammer commented that Arts and Science, who are facing “budgetary uncertainty," are not looking to add or expand programs. Other colleges are facing similar issues, such as New College, where UofT is discontinuing the Buddhism, Psychology, and Mental Health program. Esterhammer shared her disagreement with the decision from Arts and Science but says that Vic will be focusing on the elements it has control over such as programming and infrastructure for Creativity and Society.

Registrar Yvette Ali shared in her report that the Registrar’s Office recently finished its review of ceremonies, and is now working to change the format of awards ceremonies to better reflect how students want to be celebrated based on data collected through a survey. Ali also wanted to remind students facing financial barriers that the Vic Bursaries are open until March 1st. The office is also preparing for its move into the 3rd floor of the Goldring Student Centre in July 2024 and will be hiring new staff members to facilitate faster service. The Registrar announced plans to hire an advisor specifically focused on the issue of equity and supporting BIPOC students. The office is also developing a co-curricular program to support Black

students in the sciences. Students requested updates regarding the Coburn Award, which sponsors a student to study at a university in Israel. The university received significant pushback on the award at the most recent Fall Caucus following the Israeli government’s ongoing attack against Palestinians. Ali defended the award’s continuation by stating it is an “externally held fellowship” which is only administered by the Registrar’s Office, and has not been given since 2019. Currently, Vic has no plans to give out the award soon because of the Canadian government’s travel warning. Registrar Ali shared that she believes the purpose of the award is to “broaden student perspectives." About a week before the Winter Caucus, the World Health Organization announced that by their estimate, over 100,000 Palestinians are either dead, injured, or missing and presumed dead since October 7, 2023.

This was the first caucus for Vic’s new Director of Equity Inclusion, and Transformative Practices Lesa Williams-George. She focused her report on the signing of the Scarborough Charter on Anti-Black Racism and Black Inclusion in Higher Education. While Vic has signed onto the Charter, the university is still deciding what it will specifically commit to in order to bring the Charter’s values to fruition. Williams-George shared that during her first few months, she has focused on outreach to the community, interrogating policies and programming, and looking into accommodations for neurodiverse students. The interconnected approach was also noted in the discussion of the Okanagan Charter, with Williams-George stating plainly that “mental health is an equity issue.”

The next public meeting with Vic administrators will be in March, when President Rhonda McEwen, who was unable to attend Winter Caucus this year, will

PHOTO | VICTORIA COLLEGE

The Sexual Violence Prevention and Support Centre at the University of Toronto

MALANCA NEWS EDITOR

In recent years, universities across Canada have been recognizing the importance of addressing sexual violence on campus and providing support to survivors. The University of Toronto (UofT) stands out for its robust approach to tackling this pervasive issue through its Sexual Violence Support and Prevention Center (SVSPC).

Established with the mission of fostering a safe and inclusive campus environment, the SVSPC serves as a cornerstone in the university's commitment to combatting sexual violence. By providing a wide range of resources and services, the center aims to support survivors, create a culture of consent, and prevent instances of sexual violence within the university community.

Sexual Violence and Sexual Harassment as:

“The voluntary agreement of an individual to engage in a sexual act. Consent is positive, active and ongoing, and can be revoked at any time.

Consenting to one act does not mean that consent is given for another activity. Consent is NOT obtained where a person is incapable of consenting – for example, due to intoxication, or where a person is induced to engage in the activity by someone abusing a position of trust, power or authority.”

Understanding consent is an important step in creating a culture of consent on campus. A culture of consent is one where communication and consent are the norm. In such a culture, individuals are respected and not objectified, and have autonomy over their bodies. Incidents of sexual violence are not trivialized. The Quercus module: “Building a Culture of Consent at the University of Toronto:

Sexual violence can occur in private, in public or online, and among any two or more people regardless of their gender or sexuality. A defining feature of sexual violence is the absence of consent. This means that the behaviour has not been discussed or agreed to by all parties, and that there is at least one person in the situation who has not said yes, either verbally or through physical gestures and behaviour, to the act in question.

Understanding consent is critical to recognizing and addressing sexual violence. Consent is defined in the University’s Policy on

Consent, Communication, and Sexual Violence Prevention Education Module for Students” is intended to teach students about consent and how to incorporate the concept of consent into building healthy boundaries, communication, and consent practices within relationships. It is also intended to teach students about sexual violence, the landscape in which sexual violence occurs, and available onand off-campus support services for survivors of sexual violence.

Trained staff members are available to provide confidential guidance and assistance to individuals who have experienced sexual assault, harassment,

or misconduct. Whether survivors need help navigating reporting options, accessing medical or legal resources, or simply seeking emotional support, the SVSPC offers a compassionate and non-judgmental space where survivors can find the help they need.

Furthermore, the SVSPC plays a crucial role in prevention efforts by organizing educational and community-building initiatives and awareness campaigns to foster a culture of consent and respect. Through workshops, training sessions, and outreach programs, the center engages students, faculty, and staff in meaningful conversations about consent, boundaries, and healthy relationships. By challenging harmful attitudes and behaviours, the SVSPC strives to create a campus environment where sexual violence is not tolerated, and survivors are supported.

In addition to direct support services and prevention efforts, the SVSPC at UofT is actively involved in advocacy and policy development. The center works closely with university administrators, student groups, and community organizations to advocate for systemic changes that address the root causes of sexual violence and improve the university's response to incidents of misconduct. The SVSPC creates a more just and equitable campus environment for all community members by advocating for survivor-centred policies and practices.

Moreover, the SVSPC recognizes the importance of intersectionality in addressing sexual violence and works to ensure that its services are accessible and inclusive to individuals from diverse backgrounds. Acknowledging that specific communities may face unique barriers to seeking support, the center is committed to providing culturally competent and trauma-informed care to all survivors, regardless of race, gender identity, sexual orientation, or socioeconomic status.

In critiquing the services provided by the University of Toronto Sexual Violence Prevention and Support Centre, the vic affiliated branch of the Pears project, Vic Organization for Information, Care, and Empowerment of Survivors (VOICES), underscores the importance of recognising diverse survivor experiences and needs. While the Center endeavours to offer support, VOICES posits in a statement made to the Strand that, “it is essential to acknowledge that not all survivors may find its resources suitable for their unique circumstances.” The group advocates for informed decisionmaking, emphasising the significance of individuals understanding the potential implications of engaging with the Centre, particularly concerning potential issues of privacy and consent. This critique prompts a broader conversation about the necessity for survivor-centred approaches within sexual violence prevention and support initiatives. Alternatives such as The PEARS Project and the Toronto Rape Crisis Centre are highlighted by VOICES for their commitment to survivor autonomy, trauma-informed care, and empowerment, offering avenues for those seeking additional forms of support and advocacy.

ZINDZISWA

PHOTO | DAVID LEE

editors-in-chief editors@thestrand.ca

managing editor managing@thestrand.ca

business manager business@thestrand.ca

web web@thestrand.ca

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ANyA ShEN

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NORA zOlFAghARI

In defense of platonic love

A Barbenheimer-style back-and-forth duel on ideas of friendship, from caricatures inspired by Machiavelli and Carrie Bradshaw

MICHAEL ELSAESSER & MANUELA MORA CASTILLO

Introduction:

As we sat down to begin writing this piece about the importance of platonic love, we found a shared worry in expressing the significance of friendship outside of a utilitarian and capitalist lens. We believe the true goal of social interaction goes beyond its utility, and to express that, we wanted to form a back-and-forth caricature of two sides on the topic for our reader’s enjoyment.

Perspective #1 : “For the friendships which we buy with a price, and do not gain by greatness and nobility of character, though they be fairly earned, are not made good, but fail us when we have occasion to use them.” Niccolò Machiavelli, The Prince .

What Machiavelli perfectly understood when he wrote The Prince and communicated to his audience in the very prologue, is that the ultimate goal of a statesman—henceforth extrapolated into the fundamental objective in life—is to secure cultural and social power. To navigate the intricacies of social interaction in such a manner that your position is always favoured, and that those around you are meticulously chosen in the name of personal success. There is no better avenue to pursue this fortune than by engaging in friendship. While nothing more than a biological necessity, this

form of social interaction will get those who so desire to the summit, and will do nothing more than improve your life. Engaging in friendships for their mere sake is vain, banal, and ultimately, ineffective.

Perspective #2 : "They say nothing lasts forever; dreams change, trends come and go, but friendships never go out of style." -

Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City

In Sex and the City , as in life, friendships are not just important to the narrative of our lives, they are essential. It is our shared social connection that catches your fall in a city always reaching for the sky, they are your partner in late-night chats, belly-laughs over brunch, and new-crush chaos. Our friends surpass mere companions, but if we are lucky, become our chosen family. In a world filled with billions, they make the vastness of existence feel like a cozy Cat’s Eye booth, reminding us that, no matter what, we're never alone.

Act One: A Mundane Lunch

#1 : This is the period where you concentrate on self-fulfillment by broadening your intellectual genius. Brilliance, after all, is only achievable through cultural capital. Thus, it is fundamental to guarantee you are the most knowledgeable in the room, not only about objective statements—although it is necessary to nurture those—but about people’s stories, desires, and objectives. It is not gossip if it

has a purpose; gossip is only such because it centers on acquiring banal information. What you must do now is pursue leverage and obtain, if possible, secrets. There is rarely anything else that can guarantee loyalty more than presumed camaraderie over a shared secret. So this is the time where you seek that connection, and facilitate the exploitation of networking entanglements in the future.

#2 : Navigating the maze of tables at Burwash Dining Hall, where the clatter of trays and the hum of conversation blend into a symphony of campus life, it's the moments shared with friends that transform a mundane meal into an unforgettable escape from ‘the grind.' As we settled into our usual spot, the conversation spiralled into a gossip session that belongs in the headlines of a campus newspaper—if only The Strand could publish such gems. Friends, acting as social lifelines, remind us to breathe, to laugh, and to live beyond the pages of textbooks and the glare of screens. Sitting down, exchanging stories over plates of Whitepeople-taco-night, turns the simple act of eating into an act of connection. In the grand tapestry of university life, it's these moments of connection that truly nourish us.

Act Two: A Breakup

#1 : Love, like all social associations, must be perceived as a means to an end, not as inherently virtuous by itself. Ergo, do not exhibit any evidence of vulnerability, for there is no point in exposing your weakness for a situation that, hereafter, will be unimportant. Do not approach your circle for commiseration, since there is no assurance that they will stay by your side beyond this period of close proximity, and this is not information you want to offer willingly. Albeit, if you must speak about a previous romantic connection, do not exaggerate; share the exact amount of details that will evidence your speedy recovery. No one truly wants to engage in self-pity, after all.

#2 : Under the glow of Bloor Street, where Maddie-goers return in waves, I was spat out by another situationship-gone-by. Friends, as they always do, pulled me ashore with heartfelt offerings of time, empathy, and vindicated yet apologetic “I told you so”s. As the city around us continued its relentless march upwards, my friends and I sank deep into the Cat’s Eye couches and buried ourselves in bean bags. They listened to my endless rants, nodded sympathetically at my dramatic declarations of eternal solitude, and steered me away from the urge to crawl back to an old ghost. Friendship, in its purest form, is not a ledger of debts and credits one must account for. This life is too bountiful in experience for us to endure it alone, but what makes it special are the people we experience it with, and the path we forge together. Friends remind you that life goes on, that laughter is just as healing as tears, and that, sometimes, a pint of ice cream shared in good company can mend a heart better than time alone ever could.

Do you ever think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport?

What was that thing Hugh Grant said?

CELENA HO STRANDED EDITOR

I think I’ve spent more time wishing for a relationship than actually being in one. That feeling of deep longing and yearning creeps up after 10 pm and crawls into bed with me. Whenever I see couples out on the street holding hands, my fingers suddenly turn into icicles and I reach into my pocket for my own warmth. I haven’t been able to shake the feeling that I’m going to be alone for the rest of my life and no one will ever look at me with love in their eyes and tell me that I did a good job at the end of the day. It’s not all the time but it’s there. Sometimes I feel like I’m sitting in a corner pulling at my scalp, rocking back and forth hoping that someone will look at me and tell me that I’m not hard to love.

I want it! I want it so badly! Do you think that I’m scaring it away by wanting it? Can everyone tell that I’m desperate? Have I talked about it and complained about it enough? It’s just a bit at this point. There goes Celena, making another single-joke! Again! The funny part is that on the outside, I pretend that love is cheap and makes you look weak. It’s just not for me. I’m always running away from it because if it ever catches up to me, it’ll rip my heart out from my chest and my knees will buckle from under me. I’m immune to getting my feelings hurt. The person that I like can never know that I like them because it’s weak and embarrassing (it’s not). But it’s just easier to stay cynical and cold because it’s safer being alone.

I think I love being alone a little too much. I love doing things on my own, I love going to the movies alone, and I love existing without having to entertain anyone. But something nags at me. Maybe I do want someone to see a movie with, and maybe I do want someone to walk me home after a night out. My aloneness tugs on my arm, pulling me away into the dark by myself. I don't need anyone! But my loneliness asks quietly, “What if you weren’t? Maybe you don't always have to do things on your own?” I used to get so frustrated at myself for wanting someone so badly because everyone around me already had it or was content with where they were. They had someone to tell good news to, someone to bring them soup on a cold day. And I would go home at night to me. Of course they have someone who loves them. But I’m me. It felt like I was the last one waiting after soccer practice and everyone else had someone drive to pick them up. I was waiting for a bus that didn’t run on a schedule.

I sat with myself for over a year, watching people around me find other people and I was still alone. But, I think that there’s some comfort in being alone and you come to

learn that you are actually the best company. You unfortunately cannot force anyone to like you, nor can you force yourself to like anyone. So instead, you just sit with yourself and you learn to appreciate your own silence and presence because this isn’t the worst way to be. You’re not alone, you’re just not settling. You’re not asking for too much, you’re just asking the wrong person.

If you told this to me a year ago I might have set my hair on fire but I think I get it now. Listen, I’ve been disappointed, time and time again. I swear that it’s not for me, I swear that I will never get on dating apps again, I swear that I will protect my peace. Love is not real! Chivalry is dead! What the fuck is a talking stage? But yet, I keep a locket of hope close to my heart just in case. I am so exhausted from trying to prove that love is real so why do I keep looking for it?

Because I see it everywhere, whether I like it or not. Romantic love is not the end all be all. But maybe it’s when I see a father on the street carrying his daughter’s glittery backpack and doing a silly voice for her. Someone’s pet dog tugs on its leash and scurries under my hand for a pet. It’s when my friends come to my dumb sketch comedy shows and they read the silly articles I write. My friend’s friend tells me that she reads every single piece that I write even though we don’t talk much. My sister

bought me a replacement stuffed animal that I lost over 16 years ago. My friends pop by at work because we all work the same job anyway. My dad picks out every single piece of celery from a salad for me because I think it's “hard to chew.” My mom buys herself a sweater but lets me wear it because I like it. A guy at work asks me what book I’m reading and he tells me that he studied Art History and we talk about 19th century landscape painting. He still recognizes me to this day. The girl I became friends with in the 6th grade lives in another country and we still write letters to each other. An old lady stops me on the subway and tells me that she likes my outfit. I see my friend once a year and she has held onto a birthday gift from over a year ago. Even the couple making out in front of me on the subway! It's there! It's alive and well and right in front of me! There actually is, love, all around. I see it and maybe that's it.

The ability to see love is something beautiful in itself. I’m not saying that it’s a replacement for love, or that you’re suddenly gonna find love because this is the next step. You’re still allowed to want it. None of that “you’ll find it when you least expect it” bullshit. But how lovely is it that you can still see love, all around? Love is real because you and I are real. What was that thing Hugh Grant said? “If you look for it, I’ve got a sneaky feeling you’ll find that love, actually is all around.”

PHOTO | DIANA TYSZKO

Scientists @ Vic: Jackson Leslie

Why is this important thing to research and how can this information be used in the future?

and microglia just to see how that’s impacted the data that we’ve received from over the summer.

The Strand: What year are you and what are your majors?

Jackson Leslie: I’m in my fourth year. I specialize in Neuroscience, and I do a major in Fundamental Genetics.

What is your research?

Right now, I am doing research in Dr. McLaurin’s lab at Sunnybrook. My project looks at combinatorial therapies for Alzheimer’s disease—we work with Alzheimer’s rats, and we’re looking at combined therapies to see if we see amelioration of beta amyloid. We’re also looking at the tau protein and then we look at like different hallmarks. How my project started was that the lab previously looked at a therapy that targets plaques and found that they were able to reduce plaque load, but there still weren’t any long-term cognitive improvements. The theory is that if we combine that treatment with a treatment that targets tau will be targeting the two primary hallmarks of Alzheimer’s disease—hopefully we can see some synergistic effect in the rats.

Specifically with my project, there’s no cure for Alzheimer’s. Right? So, that’s there are treatments that have gone to clinical trials, and that show improvements in animal models, but don’t always show the same level when they reach clinical trials. I think it’s important to try to put a lot of effort or all of our efforts into finding a cure; if there are ways that we can confidently prevent Alzheimer’s disease.

How did you get this position?

As part of my specialist program, I needed to take a research course. Around March and April, I started reaching out to potential supervisors on some of the work that they’ve been doing. I basically went through the faculty directory, found some potential PI’s [principal investigator], read a few of their papers, saw which ones I liked the most, and then sent them some emails to see if they’d be interested in taking me on over the summer for the research course. Then I heard back from my current PI, so I worked on a project with her over the summer. We continued on into the academic year on another research project, which is just continuing the same thing, but expanding the scope. Initially, I was looking at beta amyloid, tau, and then neurons, and then right now I’m looking at astrocytes

Lovesick commodified

How dating apps are changing our relationships

reasons people report using Tinder is either for entertainment or self-validation, it can be difficult to differentiate whose information is accurate.

What advice do you have for students looking to do research?

I think my biggest thing would be you’ll get there when you get there. I think this specifically in life science research, there tends to be—especially if you want to go into grad school, or if you’re on that premed route— people who force this idea that you need to get research done in your first year otherwise you have no chance of getting in like afterwards. I didn’t get it until the summer before my fourth year which a lot of people would consider late and I think I had a really great experience. I think some people start earlier and don’t really have those same experiences. I think my tip would be join a lab that you really enjoy and also understand that you will get there when the time’s right. I guess if I could talk to first year me, I would like to tell myself not to pressure too much about getting a research position because definitely in the beginning, I was overwhelmed with a lot of it. I felt like ‘I need to get something, I need to get something.’ But I’ve had a really great experience and I think other people will too if they just show that.

This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.

Pick your poison: Tinder, Hinge, Bumble, Grindr … the list continues. These apps will hook you up to a dating culture with over 250 million users worldwide. Through algorithms, they will filter their database to match compatible users based on a variety of inputs such as age, gender, ethnicity, location, and hobbies. But can mathematics predict romance?

To an extent, this categorising approach to dating can be highly effective. One study looking at the effects of Tinder’s rollout on college campuses in the United States found that the app led to a “sharp and persistent increase in reported dating and sexual activity.” But there’s a troublesome ease to the filter-and-find notion that might not equate to successful long-term relationships. Some researchers have raised concerns that the instantaneous nature of the apps is counter to how normative relationships form. The inverted exposure dating apps provide—where one is exposed to a list of facts before meeting in person—has raised concerns that dating platforms lead to an objectifying, evaluative mindset towards partner selection.

The dangers of objectifying don’t just land on the profiles you browse—in order to sign onto these apps you must process yourself into some form of 2D informational profile. It is a difficult task to accurately label the keystones of your identity in an algorithmically perceivable format, and then have those inputs facilitate your dating prospects. This was reflected in a Pew Research Study from 2019 found that 71 percent of dating app users in the United States felt that people commonly lie about themselves in their profiles. Numerous studies have also identified this disparity between the “real” and “ideal” self. By signing onto a dating app, you are ultimately commodifying yourself. The need to undergo self-characterisation will make this real/ideal discrepancy intrinsic in each account. But to what degree is this information inaccurate? Researchers found the biggest predictor to a noticeable person-profile discrepancy was a person’s self-esteem, and whether the user believed they would actually meet someone in person. Given that the main

Studies also looked at the role that speed dating and choice overload played in the decisions users made on the applications. One study found that when given 20 rather than four dating profiles, participants began misremembering what data was on each account. When the profiles increased to 64, the participants forewent closer examination strategies in favour of making decisions on faster and fewer cues.

The wider, constant access to potential partners is also believed to create a choice overload that compromises commitment—there is always the possibility of a better partner on the next scroll, on the next app’s algorithm. One study says that this low stakes, high choice environment has resulted in higher-turnover dating and more casual sex.

In addition to this choice paradox, for dating algorithms to inherently work they must weed out the profiles presented to users. In theory, the filters applied should help match compatible accounts to increase the app’s success rates. However, the way algorithms filter profiles can come with negative consequences. It has been shown that collaborative AI based algorithms, which are used by Tinder and Hinge to group together people with similar tastes, can exclude profiles in favour of behaviours found in the majority. Some have found that instead of being more inclusive, dating apps accentuate offline discriminatory practices around body types, age, rural environments, race, and HIV stigma. To counter this, it has been recommended that users should have an option to delete their swipe data or opt out of the algorithm entirely, but the more inclusive techniques are

still in development.

From the outset, there is no strong evidence supporting that compatible partners can be found based on individually assessed qualities—context and interaction are far greater predictors of a successful romance compared to personality markers. The seemingly infinite choices on these dating sites does not equate, and perhaps even inhibits, the possibility of better relationship outcomes. There are concerns that the inherent process of self-commodification on these sites encourages users to browse and consume potential partners at unprecedented, impersonal rates.

Despite the scientifically unsupported claims dating sites make, what is uncontested is that they have nonetheless transformed dating culture. There are inherent dangers but many freedoms that come with this, and the long-term results it has on romance are still coming to light. What has been made evidently clear is this: our new dating culture is resultant of a perceived abundance of choice. However, this does not result in greater relationship possibilities.

And once again comes the time of year when Cupid shoots to kill. The Strand’s most chronically single editors have asked members of your favourite campus newspaper to….

Position:

Just some guy

Date

What is your biggest red flag: Up-to-date LinkedIn profile

What is your go-to pick-up line: Can you email me your resume and cover letter

the STRAND

Favourite unconventional dating app: Slack

Shelley Yao

Position:

Associate Tea Spiller

What is your ideal date: Dr Pepper picnic

What gives you the ick: They don't like Dr Pepper

What is your love language: Receiving Dr Pepper

Karim Arif

Position:

Stock Image Generator

What gives you the ick: seeing people wear those loafers with no socks

What is your love language: baking for others <3

What’s your deepest fear: Falling in between the stairs

Sara Qadoumi

Position:

Resident STEM student

What is your biggest red flag: Youngest sibling Favourite romance trope: I googled 'romance tropes' and one of them was just 'cowboy' so let's go with that

What is your go-to pick-up line: Do you know how ducks have sex?

Position:

The Silly Goofy Section Editor

What is your ideal date: loooove dates with a little bit of peanut butter on them

What’s your deepest fear: Men speaking to me

Favourite unconventional dating app: The discussion board on Quercus

Celena Ho

Position:

Scriptorium manager

What is your ideal date: breaking and entering (and smooching)

What gives you the ick: eating, breathing, emitting body heat, listening to country

Favourite unconventional dating app: Yelp

Raquel Lewin

Position:

Soon-to-be carpal tunnel patient

What gives you the ick:

When they don't read The Strand

Favourite romance trope: Frog and toad

What is your go-to pick-up line: Can i pet your dog

Chelsey Wang

Kieran Guimond

Position:

In-house philosopher

Favourite romance trope: when they fall in love with her after they read her brilliant Strand article

Most humbling romantic experience: n/a - i humble others

Favourite unconventional dating app: Facebook marketplace

Charmaine Yu

Position:

Paper Wrangler and Punctuation Cowboy (credit: ChatGPT)

What gives you the ick:

Puts scholarship amount in Instagram bio

What is your go-to pick-up line:

Are you The Strand, because I look forward to you every month (production schedule permitting)

Favourite unconventional dating app: Varsity Blues Roster

Lila Carr

Position:

That Broke Influencer on a random Tuesday

What is your biggest red flag: I like to eat pickles (sadly)

What gives you the ick: hating on pickles aka the best fruit Favourite romance trope: The pickle theory (the olive theory but with pickles)

Isha Rizwan

Position:

Senior Coy Editor

What gives you the ick:

When they try to use dramaturgically in a sentence

Most humbling romantic experience: Halfway through a date, they told me they were thinking of getting back together with their ex, and then I gave them advice to be helpful...

Most embarrassing celebrity crush: Kermit [the Frog]

Kyleeanne Wood

Position:

Longform Twitter Thinkpieces Editor

What is your ideal date: We watch the Glee pilot and you listen to me quote the episode word-for-word for 48 minutes straight.

What is your biggest red flag: Too funny, too kind, too intelligent, and too humble.

Favourite unconventional dating app: The replies on a controversial YouTube video essay.

Steph Gyimah

Position:

Professional Letterboxd reviewer

Most humbling romantic experience: Spilling an entire drink on myself? Falling on the ground? I've had many errors in mobility

Most embarrassing celebrity crush: Robert Downey Jr but I am NOT embarrassed

What’s your deepest fear: TMU students

Dana Lee

Position:

Sad bitch in chief

What is your ideal date: I suspect you are a vampire, you save my life in a dark alley, we get mushroom ravioli

Most embarrassing celebrity crush: Rob Pattinson and Kristen Stewart, collectively

What is your love language: Freudian

Anya Shen

Position:

xoxo gossip girl

What is your ideal date: basically the plot of before sunrise

What gives you the ick: being anti oxford comma

Most humbling romantic experience: traveled about 2 hours to see someone I liked, but got so nervous I forgot how to speak and backed into a mop before running away

Michael Elsaesser

Life sciences programs—a rundown

Upper-year students talk program selection, experiences, and advice.

Program enrollment for life science students is coming up on March 1—the time of year when first-years collectively raise their heads from their studies and look to the future. It can be hectic and stressful; thinking about your academic life, especially something as serious as joining an official program, isn’t always fun. The sheer number of programs is sometimes overwhelming, and it can be hard to talk to people who have gone through the same thing.

Scrolling through the UofT life sciences program page, it can seem like the list goes on forever. There are a total of 13 programs, such as Physiology and Immunology, each with their associated minor, major, and specialist. Several of the programs also include upper-year independent research projects, such as BCH471, a fourth-year course in the Biochemistry program.

So, how do you choose? Thinking about your interests and strengths in the past semester can be a good start, but it can be difficult to decide with so many options. “As a first-year student, there [is] a lot of pressure on declaring a major, and this creates a lot of tension, competition, and stress,” said Hunter Xu , a second-year Psychology major, in a written interview with The Strand. Xu, who is also the treasurer of the Psychology Students Association, decided on the program after attending a SOC100 class. “I realised that the labs conducted in Biology and Chemistry [were] not for me.”

Michelle Wang, a fourth-year Pharmacology and Toxicology specialist, Neuroscience major, and Psychology minor, also chose her program as a result of her first-year courses and suggests taking advantage of the many resources UofT has to offer, like the Sidney Smith Program Exploration Days. “It’s a great way to get a feel of the program content and gauge students’ perspectives.” Wang finds her specialist rigorous but rewarding, especially the co-op options: “The PharmTox [Pharmacology and Toxicology] faculty really emphasises learning outside of the classroom and application of knowledge to the real world,” she wrote.

There are two types of programs in the life sciences stream: open and limited. Open programs have no specific course requirements, while limited programs have prerequisite courses and minimum grades for acceptance. For example, the Biology major at UofT is open, but acceptance to the Psychology program requires completion of PSY100 with a minimum grade of 75 percent. “Even if you struggle to choose something now, you can always pick an open program and switch to another program in upper years,” wrote Wang.

Emily Mitchell, a second-year Molecular Genetics and Microbiology (MGY) specialist and Neuroscience major, wrote that program size and potential research should also be a consideration, “Some good things [about MGY] are that the class sizes are pretty small so you can really get to know your professors […] and the research paths by professors in the department are all really fascinating.” You don’t have to choose just one major, either. “Like many first years, I didn’t

know what I wanted to pursue. So I chose a mix of majors and minors that I wanted to learn more about,” wrote Catherine Wang, a third-year double major in Neuroscience and Cell and Molecular Biology. By finding programs where the courses overlap, you won’t overload yourself, all while pursuing a range of interests.

Although this time of year can be stressful, it doesn’t have to be. “Reach out to upper years in the program! Execs on student unions ([such as] HBSU, PTSA) are always happy to chat,” wrote Michelle Wang. It’s also important to remember that your choices aren’t set in stone. Although there is definitely pressure to finish your degree and have it all figured out, “most people's paths aren't linear, and they change their major multiple times—and that is ok!” wrote Mitchell. Look into your interests, use resources such as the Sidney Smith Program Toolkit, and don’t be afraid to take risks. According to Xu, “Stepping outside of one's own comfort zone and taking a course you would never think about taking can be life-changing.”

An amateur ecologist’s list of love and sex in the natural world

Highlights include penis fencing and long-distance friendships

The natural world rarely follows human rules, and can we blame it? Despite people’s insistence to fit animals into boxes, they usually say no to heteronormativity and anthropocentrism and yes to doing what—or who—they love. As a budding ecologist who has spent too much of their university life studying insect mating, I think it’s important to highlight some examples of love breaking boundaries for the public. Please, enjoy.

The Cannibalistic World of Praying Mantises Cannibalism is common in the arthropod world. In fact, one could argue it's actually the norm for most of the insects we know and love. Praying mantises do not escape this long list, but they do have an especially badass way they cannibalise their conspecifics—during sex. That’s right, by the end of a mating encounter, male mantises may actually end up headless and in the female’s stomach. In one species, the springbok mantis, this behaviour occurs 60 percent of the time. So why do mantises do it? For some species, this cannibalism is only done under scarce food conditions and may help support the female mantis and offspring survival. No matter why they show this behaviour, I support it.

Elephant Best Friends

Just like in the human world, not all love is sexual or romantic. Some are purely platonic, with certain species forming tight-knit social groupings. A beautiful example of this is elephants. Asian elephants used to be perceived as having few close relations, but a new study explains that female elephants actually form strong platonic relations with other

individuals. Even better, they can maintain friendships even without seeing one another, potentially by communicating acoustically or chemically. This platonic love even extends to showing sympathy and offering comfort to herd members in distress. Something about knowing elephants have best friends warms this cold, scientific heart.

Intimate Flatworm Fencing

Our third animal takes us away from the terrestrial world and down to the ocean floor, to the mysterious flatworm. These amazing invertebrates have both male and female reproductive structures, a trait that has led to an interesting mating routine. Nicknamed ‘penis fencing’ by marine biologists, this intricate behaviour involves competing to be the sperm donor in an interaction. Some of these fights can last up to an hour, which is simply impressive. Personally, I’m curious as to which poor researcher first discovered and had to describe this behaviour…imagine submitting that for publication.

The Social Bonds of Black Vultures That Refuse to Break

Black vultures get a bad rep when all they want to do is eat some carrion and hang out. These large birds are special in that they form familial bonds that remain strong throughout their entire lives. On top of strong family bonds, black vultures may be a fairly rare example of genetic monogamy in the bird kingdom. Unlike many socially monogamous birds that will engage in extra-pair copulations, genetic studies have shown that members of these couples do not engage with other single potential mates. These vultures are a sweet example of the strong bonds we see in nature and this lonely scientist is begging you to begin appreciating them. Examples of love, ranging from purely sexual to familial

and platonic, are widely varied in the animal kingdom. This short list, which could be expanded with hundreds more examples, should show why we need to stop trying to fit the natural world into our own preconceptions of animal relationships. Wishing a Happy Valentine’s Day to all the sweet creatures out there this year!

To all the roommates I loved before

SOPHIE STANKOVIC EDITORIAl ASSISTANT

You browse the shelves at Indigo, perusing the romance section for another enemies-to-lovers book to spice up your life. But you want something new…something exciting. You pick up a book titled The Roommate, already auto-filling the story in your head before you’ve even read the summary on the sleeve. Through some awful twist of circumstances, the protagonist has to find new housing. She skims posters on bulletin boards, Facebook posts, asks everyone she knows for guidance until she finally comes across an advertisement: Roommate wanted, 1k a month, furnished. To nobody’s surprise, the roommate unexpectedly turns out to be the hottest person under the sun, and the rest of the romance follows the protagonist’s struggle to keep things platonic.

While I can’t say I’m an avid romance novel reader, we’ve all encountered the roommates to lovers trope at some point in our lives. Sometimes, through personal experience. It’s an enthralling plot device: the forced proximity, the late-night chats, and the chance to see the side the public eye never sees.

Above all things, the trope makes relationship building convenient. Both parties don’t have to go out of their way to see each other, the constant proximity allows for deeper, vulnerable conversations, the shared personal space creates opportunities for physical and emotional intimacy. It’s easy to get carried away. It’s easy to fall.

Yet sometimes, proximity kills romance. Unwashed dishes strewn about, lights left on, trash overflowing, tension on the rise—and not the romantic kind. This popular trope leaves out the reality of adjusting to another person’s living style, and all the messiness that comes with it. Seeing the

side the public never sees can reveal the underbelly of a relationship—bringing out the good, the bad, and the ugly. You slowly begin to realize how your roommate’s lack of care for a shared living space translates to a lack of care for you and your wellbeing. The rose-tinted glasses wilt, the close proximity becomes a curse, you spend more time away than at home. There is something about that breach of personal space that can both inspire love and take it away.

Thus, this Valentine's season, I propose a new, fun, date idea better than any movie outing or midnight walk downtown that you could dream of: living with your person of interest. Why struggle to think of romantic settings for first or second dates when you could turn your very home life into a rom-com, love triangle and all? As an homage to the riveting romance adventure of a lifetime with the roommate I and my second roommate loved before, I present you with a list of things to consider to revive your roommates to lovers fantasy.

1. Taking down the fire alarm: This person wants to set your soul on fire. They love grand gestures, and can’t withhold their burning passion.

2. Leaving the lights on: This person wants to show you that you’re the light of their life. They are bright, cheery, and want their environment as bright as your smile.

3. Complaining about waking up early for home repair: This person stayed up all night thinking about you.

4. Rejecting to clean a designated area of the household: This person knows how much you love a challenge. They take every opportunity to turn conversations into productive, thoughtful debate, and to cultivate your argumentative skills.

5. Forgetting to follow the chore chart: This person is too busy buying you flowers and chocolates to bother sweeping the floor. They’d much rather sweep you off your feet!

6. Compressing the garbage instead of taking it out: This person knows and respects your love of cleaning, and hates to think about how much plastic goes to waste. Save the turtles, as they say.

7. Never washing the dishes: This person cares deeply about the environment, and refuses to waste valuable water on dishes of all things.

8. Leaving food to rot in the fridge: This person is fascinated by the life and death cycles of organic matter, and wants you to partake in their philosophical interests.

9. Can’t stand the smell of your food: They prefer the smell of your perfume.

10. Letting their roommates carry groceries alone: This person cares deeply about your physical health, and wants you to get that necessary exercise.

11. Turning off the heat: You’re already too hot for them.

So next time you and your roommate, or roommates, are on the verge of war, the picture of your perfect enemies to lovers life shattering before your eyes, refer back to this list and pick those pieces back up. Make a list of all those roomie habits you adore, read between the lines, and find the love for all the roommates you loved before.

To love and live on the runway

Vivienne Westwood’s SS24 collection, and the memorialiSation of fashion designers

MICHAEL ELSAESSER CO-FEATURES EDITOR

Content warning: Mentions of suicide

“I could not give away the rest of his shoes. I stood there for a moment, then realized why: he would need shoes if he was to return. The recognition of this thought by no means eradicated the thought. I have still not tried to determine (say, by giving away the shoes) if the thought has lost its power”

- Joan Didion, The Year of Magical Thinking

People connect with their clothes not just as something to throw on, but we buy, keep, and wear items which connect with a personal sense of style. This level of connections between fashion and personality takes on new extremes when examining the work of designers, who devote either lives to expressing their creativity, culture, and sense of self for others to wear and watch down runways. In moments of mourning, people latch on to the connection their loved ones have had with fashion items, like heirloom jewellery, a knitted sweater given as a gift, or a pair of shoes waiting to be worn again.

For the Spring/Summer 2024 season, designer Andreas Kronthaler confronted this mystifying connection with his Paris Fashion Week Ready-to-Wear collection under the Vivienne Westwood label. Kronthaler was married to the namesake designer until her passing in December 2022. Following her death, he began a process known too intimately by those who have grieved a loved one; going through Westwood’s personal wardrobe to clear things away. As he prepared items to be moved into an archive, he selected over 200 of Westwood’s looks, photographed them, threw numbers in a hat, and randomly chose 34 for the runway. He revealed in an interview with Hypebeast that he settled on 34 outfits to represent the number of years he had known his former collaborator. The name of the show, 43 Old Town, was a reference

to the house he shared with the Dame. The collection emulates the punk fashion icon’s personal style, with ornate tailoring fit for a British fashion house. Popping with life atop a charcoal grey setting, the clothes drew viewers back to an image of Westwood as she burst unapologetically into the fashion world. The show never allowed itself to become a funeral procession for the late designer, instead becoming a celebration of her work and influence in the field. The models’ walks were scored by a jazz-influenced percussion as they strutted proudly past onlookers and cellphone photographers. Westwood’s own granddaughter, Cora Corré, closed the show wearing a bridal gown with a corsetted piece from one of the designer’s former collections entitled War & Peace. Similarly to the purpose of a funeral or celebration of life, this collection appeared to be a peaceful send-off to “the high priestess of punk,” acknowledging how her contributions to fashion will carry on for generations.

Other fashion houses have also dealt with the loss of their namesake designers in similar ways. In 2018, 20 years following the murder of Gianni Versace, his sister, designer Donatella Versace shared a runway dedicated to her brother. Models walked in some of the prints Versace favoured in his collections, what Harper’s Bazaar described as “baroque swirls, butterfly prints, and pop art.” These visuals were sewn together into new silhouettes and designs that merged the past, present, and future of the eponymous house. This show was closed not just with a direct relative, but with five of the famed nineties supermodels, Naomi Campbell, Cindy Crawford, Helena Christensen, Carla Bruni, and Claudia Schiffer, who worked closely with the late designer. Here, Versace’s connection to a broader pop culture was emphasised rather than just his personal style. With further distance from his passing, the collection was able to move forward to celebrate the legacy of a man already laid to rest.

When Alexander McQueen passed away in 2010,

it sent a global shock as he took his own life at the age of 40, less than two weeks after the death of his mother. Grief took hold of those he was closest to, and extended through his work to those who had connected with it. During McQueen’s own Spring/Summer 2024 runway show, designer Sarah Burton chose to dedicate her last collection to the namesake creator, stating “to the memory of Lee Alexander McQueen, whose wish was always to empower women, and to the passion, talent, and loyalty of my team”. The fashion pieces themselves were inspired by “female anatomy, Queen Elizabeth I, the blood red rose, and Magdalena Abakanowicz, a transgressive and powerfully creative artist who refused ever to compromise her vision.” The looks featured floral imagery, bold colours, and cutting detail, all emblematic of the brand. While the outfits themselves were not tied to the McQueen’s existing work, they embodied his boldness for an expanded roster of talented craftspeople. McQueen had also been celebrated in the past with an exhibit at The Metropolitan Museum of Art titled Savage Beauty, with a coinciding MET Gala theme and exhibit publication. The exhibit’s book became the museum’s best-selling publication, with over 340,000 copies in the first decade, and featured many of McQueen’s looks and signature visual storytelling.

As people assemble their wardrobes, their own collection of clothes, they imbed their thoughts, culture, creativity, and personality into each piece they choose to wear and safeguard for the future. It is these artifacts of oneself which can be clung onto in search of peace and memory. They are the sweater you kept from a former lover, the pants your friend accidentally bleached when colouring your hair, or the orientation shirt you had signed by all the friends who welcomed you into college. We carry memories of people and time in the objects we choose to represent us, and we can only hope they will become prized possessions one day worthy of a Paris Fashion Week runway.

PHOTO | VIVIENNEWESTWOOD

The Interconnectedness of Love

goal, then doing good for the collective does include us.

In a world full of binaries, love has often become one of them. In our culture and society, we construct binaries to categorise and hierarchise people, concepts, experiences, and identities. Rather than see connections and relations between things, we tend to separate and compare them. This can be seen in an abundance of areas such as gender, sexual orientation, thinking/ feeling, political affiliation, arts/science, and even in our relationships with one another and the world around us.

Our world has become increasingly disconnected in many ways, starkly seen during the pandemic and the rise of loneliness globally. We have not only become disconnected from other human relations but the greater world around us. In an increasingly individualist and artificial society, we focus on the self and the benefits and freedoms of oneself rather than the relationships and interdependence we are all a part of. We have become disconnected from our relationships with the land, waters, animals, plants, minerals, and other members of the ecosystems and planet we all share.

When we begin to see ourselves as increasingly separate from the things around us, we disconnect ourselves from those relationships. If we see love as something that is taken and given rather than shared, we see the individuals in a relationship as single units more than a team. Giving and receiving love for ourselves, or self-love, doesn’t have to be in opposition to giving love to other people. If we value the collective

We can imagine things in terms of we and us more than me and them.

When we depict love, especially in February, we often see representation in the form of certain kinds of romantic love, which we more generally call a relationship. One of the hallmarks of a good relationship is pro-relationship behaviour, where the goals and value of the relationship are deemed as more important, at times, than the needs of the individual. There is, like most things, a healthy balance of this at any given time depending on the situation.

Love can be seen as interdependence and taking care of the community, a population that comes in all sizes. We are always in a community, depending on where we construct and draw relative boundaries. Allowing our needs to be met by a community or team requires interdependence and humility.

This drive to care for each other is so natural and human, yet we often get caught up in cynical cycles of human nature. We start believing that deep down many of us are motivated by self-interest, whereas in reality so many of us want to help the team but simply have barriers that prevent such action.

Systems and worldviews can disable or enable the appreciation for all the things that connect and bind us together, rather than differentiate us. Our struggles, our pain, our love, and our lives are all connected to one another. To care for our communities, and for one another, is to care for ourselves and others.

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When we look for that love, that connection, that relation, we can find it. When we forget about our common humanity, we feel isolated and alone. To remember all the people, bugs, soils, waters, friends, ancestors, flowers, berries, birds, and members of our communities who got us to this point allows us to see how connected we are, and how loved we are. Seeing self-love and love for others, human and more-thanhuman, as all the same collective love allows us to remove the emphasis on the individual and remember the greater community.

We are stronger and go farther together.

When we set up the binary of who loves, me or you, we lose sight that WE are being loved and loving. We share love in the community, which is everywhere around us. The planet supports life, plants photosynthesise to create the oxygen we breathe, water flows through the air and our bodies to sustain us, and we support each other.

This Valentine’s Day, I encourage and support everyone to reflect on and embrace the interconnectedness of love, the collectiveness of love, and the community that love builds and is built by.

This article would not be possible without the wonderful, lovely community here at Vic. I am so grateful to the friends and loved ones who went on walks, Facetimed and chatted with me about their knowledge of love and community and connectedness. Together we wrote this, with so much love.

Are you knowledgeable about topics underrepresented in the media? Think you have things to say worth listening to?

Well, good news! The University of Toronto Campus Radio Station: CIUT 89.5FM, has a brand new podcast studio, and we are looking for podcast proposals. We love hearing student voices and we want to help you develop your ideas into professional spoken word programs. We’re looking for shows and ideas that aren’t heard on mainstream media, if you have ideas to fill a unique niche we want you! Along with our studio we also have the software and talented staff to help you produce your podcast, as well as the digital infrastructure to distribute it. All free of charge for UofT students!

If you’re interested in having your podcast heard by more people. We also have on-air broadcasting slots available, which we fill with the best student and community programming, heard by over 200,000 listeners every week!

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t(ransformative) 4 t(ransformative)

KIERAN GUIMOND SCIENCE EDITOR

My name has never felt more mine than when you’re whispering it to me in the warmth of your arms.

I hear the words echoing through my mind across a field of wheat seedlings, recently planted it’s green, still growing not yet ready to be shared with the world.

The field of possibilities and you and I, in this universe that we are creating just for ourselves.

Daydream

ALEXANDER KOLOMESKY CONTRIbUTOR

In your presence

The evanescence of thought begins to drift You hold me tight

I curl up in bliss

And go in for a kiss

Only to realize it’s my pillow I fawn over amidst the abyss

ILLUSTRATION | CHELSEY WANG

Romantic

ZOE

I’m a romantic, And I want every desire

My hungry heart has ever craved.

I want you in the bathtub, Sharing cigarette after cigarette while the glass tray

Becomes muddy with A mix of ash and water droplets

That drip off of my wrist bone.

I’m a romantic,

And I want each love bite to last forever.

I want you the next morning,

With a yearning that I can feel

Even before you wake, My soft hands in your soft hair

As you hum “Here Comes the Sun.”

Rabbit God

When I first clasped your hands, I told you about the Rabbit God; now we are in this red hall of statues and incense pots. For too long, the gods spun red yarn under the moon, but not for us—eclipsed smiles, symmetrical skin soft— until our predecessors came back from hell to tie our knots. Concrete walls of an inconspicuous building. Urban folklore. The orbit farewells Rabbit this year and greets Dragon, yet we are always here. I smile at you: there is nothing to fear—for our gods are lenient, they don’t punish lovers.

A Dating App Bio

Victoria, chronologically 20. Lives in Toronto, and in the solace of literature.

Likes:

Yellow.

Yellow sunshine, yellow happiness, yellow stars. All kinds of stars. stars stars stars.

Poems.

Prose.

Psychosis.

Melodramatic monologues in the bathroom mirror, And the dismemberment of rotting, weeping, familial ties.

Over-processed, under-appreciated chemicals. Abusing volume levels via hand-me-down Californian headphones.

Daydreaming of the redness of the devil, And occasionally, its orphaned angel. Pink pill overdose-induced vomit. Leaving roses to thirst.

La risurrezione della carne.

A Lover

They paint the forest trails / to resting places, crow’s feet / for loving eyes / and ripples of a smile / like wings off your lips. They drink you in / the soil for ribbons of a storm's rain / and veins carrying light / to fill a beating sky. They know your body’s call, / the song told into their ear / and rhythm like waves / against a shore.

How to win a guy in ten Dates

A super professional, accurate, tried-and-true guide to the perfect date, 100 percent guarantee, no cashback.

ADRIANA GORAIEB STAFF WRITER

Date 1: Bring forth a folder containing printed copies of his LinkedIn page, his academic transcripts, his bank information, and the comments his teachers have written about him in high school. Bring a magnifying glass and sift through everything his digital footprint had to offer, with him at the table. This would make for a really fun icebreaker activity!

Date 2: Switch accents every 20 minutes. And don’t explain yourself as you do it. And if he calls you out, gaslight him and ask if he has anything against accents. That’ll put him in a corner, so this is a foolproof strategy to, let’s say, get him interested in you.

Date 3: Bring your emotional support best friend to hold hands with you while you take a walk in the park. I think he’d find it endearing, charming even, that your best friend wants to be with you on a date. The more the merrier, no?

Date 4: Take frantic notes every time he says, like, anything.

When he talks about his family, take notes. Past traumas? Write that down. He’s giving the waiter his order? SCRIBBLE THAT DOWN. If he asks, say you’re just super into recording your life <3

Four alternatives

Date 5: Make it a monologue, and if he tries to speak, yell at him for interrupting.

He’ll find it so amazing that you have that many thoughts. Bonus points if you overshare at the end of it, for some extra pizzazz.

Date 6: Befriend his mother through FB and invite her to your next date, but don’t tell him.

Make sure that prior to the date, you have established a strong bond with his mom. It’s so healthy to be familyoriented!

*Side bar – if he takes longer than 3 hours to talk to you, put him on your close friends and post a passiveaggressive but well-targeted story about how you’re choosing to protect your peace and letting go of what does not serve you. Bonus points if you play his favorite song on the story.

Date 7: Bring a child to the date, leave it there, and go back home.

This is to test his paternal instincts and whether he’s compassionate, caring, and resourceful [and then endorse that skill on LinkedIn]. A true test of strength.

Date 8: Find out everything he’s allergic to and cook him a meal with all of that.

That’ll get his heart running just for you <3

Date 9: Set up a date at your exam location, and tell him that to continue the relationship, he must pass the test, literally.

Date 10: For the true test of commitment and character development, throw a party and invite his exes and your exes, and observe.

If you’re meant to be, it’ll work out. Also, if you’re finding love, your exes should too!!!!! [JK if they’re rats then I hope they don’t]

ILLUSTRATION | CAMERON ASHLEY

to "Would you peel an orange for me?"

For the Couple with a Vitamin C Deficiency

AUDREY LAI CONTRIbUTOR

“Would you peel an orange for me” has become such a trite and unoriginal expression for those looking to assess the strength of their relationship, even more so than “Would you love me if I was a worm.” What if you don’t like oranges? What if you have scurvy and you like having scurvy? I mean, scaly skin is just so in right now! Here are four alternatives to the tired, citrus-y question for the couple with a Vitamin C Deficiency.

Would you hand-feed me Cheetos?

Everyone knows that Cheetos are a delicious, yet notoriously messy snack. The orange, cheesy dust that sheds from the corn puffs sticks to your hands more than Gorilla Glue. In a way, they are the orange of chip brands because of their vivid colour and distinct scent that will not come off no matter how many times you wash your hands. However, smelling of citrus is somewhat pleasant, while smelling like Cheetos is basically declaring to the world that you lack hygiene and refined taste. This arguably makes the question “Would you hand feed me Cheetos” an even stronger contender for a relationship assessment, as it requires more sacrifice.

Would you screen My Little Pony infection TikToks before I watch them for me?

Recently, my For You Page has been haunted by videos of zombified, anthropomorphic horses. These videos range from silly photoshopped pictures to horrifying images of equine gore that somehow found their way onto my screen right before I go to bed. Despite the fear these TikToks cause, I’ve found myself invested in the

wellbeing of the horses of the apocalypse. Will Twilight Sparkle find a cure to the infection? Is Rainbow Dash going to reveal her hidden bite mark to the rest of the survivors in the bunker? To have someone screen these TikToks to make sure they’re not too scary for sleepy time would be a godsend, though they might leave your partner with a dead, haunted look in their eyes after witnessing such horsey horrors.

Can I use your Spotify to listen to the Hamilton soundtrack?

Having Lin Manuel Miranda as a top artist on your Spotify Wrapped is probably one of the most humiliating things that could happen to you, maybe

even worse than having the Glee Cast as a top artist on your Spotify Wrapped. While it’s only February, a minor slip-up by listening to the song Non-Stop “just one time” could quickly turn into a year of listening to the entire soundtrack on repeat. Your partner letting you use their Spotify account to listen to the Hamilton soundtrack is like sacrificing themselves for your sins like Jesus on the cross.

Would I peel an orange for you?

So many questions for your partner. Maybe we need to do some introspection here… a whole orange? What about just a clementine?

ILLUSTRATION | MARIA VIDAL VALDESPINO

Top five rom-coms to watch with your significant other

You and your partner will be blown away after watching these movies, #noclickbait

ISHA RIZWAN SOCIAl mEDIA mANAgER

February, the one month where we can binge-watch romcoms without people judging us. I consider myself somewhat of a connoisseur when it comes to cheesy romantic comedies, and this is why I present to you, top five rom-coms you must watch once in your lifetime, in no particular order.

1 - Lemonade Mouth

Okay this one is classic, everyone has seen it, I watched it for the first time ever last week and since then I’ve added it to my “must watch on Valentine’s day” list. In you've got this bunch of misfits who accidentally become a band. Like, seriously accidental. All they have is a can of lemonade and dreams bigger than them. But hey, they're about to rock the school's talent show like it's nobody's business, and nothing gets romantic than that. Also the soundtrack? I get goosebumps every time I listen to it. Now you might be confused, wondering how Lemonade Mouth is a romcom? Well I forgot to mention one tiny thing, this is a list of movies that aren’t conventionally rom-coms but could totally pass as one.

2 - Cats

Okay hear me out on this one, I know we all love to hate this movie, but let's see it through a newer lens. Imagine this, a bunch of cats throwing the ultimate party to win a ticket to a better life. In the midst of all this fun, two cats start batting more than just eyelashes at each other. They have a secret rendezvous behind litter boxes. With more drama than

2/13/24, 6:55 PM

a catnip-induced frenzy and more romance than a saucer of cream, Cats is the purr-fectly funny rom-com that'll leave you feline fabulous. This is actually a test for your significant other, if they don’t have the painful look on their face throughout the entire movie, leave them!

3 - Insidious

Picture this, it’s midnight and you’re watching Insidious with your crush. It does not get more Valentine-y than this. What better way to judge the other person than seeing how they react to a jumpscare? If they laugh at it, then yes they are the one, never let them go! If they flinch, show them the door instantly. Legend has it, if you can watch a scary movie with someone, you can move onto the next step, eating out with them! Nothing spells out LOVE in bold, capital letters except for Insidious (bonus points if you binge watch all parts together)

4 - Shrek 2

Shrek and Donkey, a love story written in swamp, oh and Fiona is there too. This movie has everything, humour, action, wit and romance of course. The soundtrack is AMAZING, it awakens your soul, it crushes your soul, and it rejuvenates your soul. Also, we all agree that Shrek 2 is the best one right? It was true perfection, and it outsold the original. IF your significant other likes Shrek more than the sequel, break up with them, respectfully.

5 - High School Musical

The Strand - Love & Sex Issue

I don’t think i need to explain this one, every troyella scene is the definition of rom-com, but that’s not the reason it's in

The Strand - Love & Sex Issue

49 All good poems have it (or so Brit Lit may tell you)

50 Sister March

52 The ol' ball n' chain (almost)

55 "That sucks, bro"

56 Well endowed

59 Weird musician

60 Exclamation of a cow in shock

61 An act of violence, often deserved

63 "You"

64 They're single, they can't have

contact, they're Too...

1 Sex for nerds

2 "Everyone"

3 Freak counterpart

4 Something to suck (slightly on the nose, isn't it?)

5 Opposite of a cowgirl

36

40

6 Many thanks, in Berlin

7 Let when listening to the Cranberries

9 Items necessary for a band serenade

11 Spill out, as a heart

15 Something to find in a partner

16 ___! You are drunk!

20 UofT dating pool majority (Abbr.)

21 Pinkpantheress on an ex over a garage beat

22 Drake shared his recently

25 "What's the worst they can say..."

26 Not quite almost married

27 A trend in TikTok slideshows

29 Some would say RuPaul

30 No date (Abbr.)

34 Dramatic (Abbr.)

the list. This one is a test, If your significant other can quote this movie word to word, never leave them, ever!

ILLUSTRATION | CHRISTINA DINH

ILLUSTRATION | CHELSEY WANG

35 Turned, as a lightswitch

37 No Nut November

39 Ecco2k's Boiler Room set

41 You might find one in your attic

42 Romance anime

43 The love, in Paris

44 Exclamation of shock

46 The other half of someone's jam

51 A true star has one of each

53 The MET event

54 Rickman, global heartthrob

57 In my opinion (Abbr.)

58 On the ___

61 A way to quickly get someone to be quiet

62 An annoying couple's preferred method of affection (Abbr.)