Dear Stranded: what do I do if my CompSci boyfriend won’t leave Robarts?

Modern love advice for the modern student

Dear CompSci Girlfriend,

2. Play hide-and-seek! Though I can’t promise you’ll ever be found…

Dear Stranded,

Valentine’s Day is coming up, but my boyfriend doesn’t want to do anything! I know it’s midterm season, but he hasn’t left Robarts in weeks. He’s even resorted to hiding in the bookshelves on Saturdays so he can have more time to code. His diet consists solely of the iced lemon loaf from the Robarts Starbucks. One time, I tried to pull him out of Robarts so we could get lunch from one of the food trucks on St. George Street, and he hissed at me. When I talked to him about how I wish we could spend more time together, he told me that as a humanities student, I just don’t understand the special relationship he has with his so-called “precious princess ‘puter,” which is what he calls his MacBook.

Maybe I’m crazy, but I still love him! I love the way his eyes light up when he stares at his computer (though that might just be the screen’s reflection in his glasses). I love the way he smiles when he gets a Discord message notification. I love the way he smells when he finally takes a shower after three months. The point is, I’d love to spend February 14 with him, but I’d rather not spend another Valentine’s Day watching him play League of Legends. What should I do?

Lovesick and lonely, CompSci Girlfriend

Who says you can’t have a romantic evening in Robarts? After all, home is where the heart is, and for Computer Science students, what’s more homey than our beautiful, brutalist, peacock-shaped library with no windows? My friend, I present to you, a couple of date night ideas from yours truly.

1. Have a chill movie night! Book a private study room and hop on Netflix—until you lose track of time and the person who reserved it for the hour after you opens the door and says “um, I think I booked this room…” and watches awkwardly as you walk out and whisper some quick apologies.

3. Let him take you on a tour of Robarts! Since he spends so much of his time there, he must be an excellent tour guide. If you think about it, this is just like sightseeing in Europe… except indoors, in downtown Toronto, and in close proximity to many sad, sad people.

4. Break up with him. He may be cheating on you with a computer. Have you checked his messages with ChatGPT?

XOXO, Stranded

celena ho ASSOCIATE STRANDED EDITOR

I am Thanos, and bad first dates are merely my Infinity Stones. The more I collect, the closer I am to wiping out the human population with my rage and fury. The art of going on a first date is something I have yet to master, but here are some important pointers I’ve had the (dis) pleasure of learning. While I am not sponsored by the dating apps mentioned, I feel like I deserve financial compensation for the dates that I have had to endure. If you ever feel like you’ve had a bad date, fear no more!

Date #1: 5’6 guy

My first date with this guy was fine. All I’ll say is: DO NOT date people who have gone viral. We ended up dating for a bit before he decided to give me a reason to relate to Taylor Swift’s “All Too Well.” Never again!

Date #2: Weird back pats

Let me start by saying that on his profile, this guy’s pictures featured him with SHORT, BROWN, AND CURLY HAIR. THIS IS AN IMPORTANT DETAIL. Before we even met, he got lost in the subway station, and I had to find him. When I finally spot him across the street, I see a man with LONG DIRTY-BLOND HAIR. I was absolutely astounded, bewildered, confused, and dismayed. He approaches me and I get a glimpse of his outfit which was a shirt he probably slept in and track pants… I was wearing a cute little romper that my friend lent me. The juxtaposition was almost comical. Before this date, I didn’t know that you could pat someone on the back the wrong way, but this guy was here to prove me wrong. He patted me on the back three. Separate. Times. Chills ran down my spine and my blood ran cold. I knew I had to be the one to end the date, so I walked him to the subway. “I had a lot of fun,” he said sincerely. I just said “Yup!” and bolted. This is a reminder to anyone still using high school photos on your profile—please don’t. Also, a reminder to everyone else: make sure you ask to see a recent photo of them.

Date #3: Unintentional Catfish??

How do I even begin to explain this date?

We met through the Aphrodite Project, which was a magical survey that used an algorithm to match you with someone that would best compliment the ~real you~. I did this survey in first year, and got a match! And then I got catfished. Or at least, unintentionally. I scoured through his profile trying to find a single picture of a human being. There were three. Two of them were of this very attractive man in glasses. THEN there was a picture from several years ago, but the subject was standing super far away, so I assumed that it was a friend or something. I was mistaken. The day arrives and I go to meet him at Museum station. I embarrassingly walk past him, because he wasn’t the one with glasses. He was the far-away man from three years ago. He texts me that he’s there, and I reluctantly turn back into the station. “Heyyy! You look completely different!,” I say. We ended up walking around campus for three hours, because I didn’t know how to leave and didn’t want to be rude. Keep in mind that this was in early 2021, so vaccines weren’t a thing yet and everything was closed. It was also -16 degrees outside. I ended up getting horrible blisters on my feet. Enough said. This was also the first First Date that I went on, so needless to say, it was the worst first date experience.