The Strand | Volume 59, Issue 1 by The Strand

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strand VICTORIA UNIVERSITYâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S STUDENT NEWSPAPER VOLUME 59, ISSUE 1 - SEPTEMBER 4, 2016

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Campus Safety:

Useful Resources & Information

Tips and Tricks for a Fit First Year

Arts & Culture on Campus and Around Toronto

News • The Strand

Getting involved in student life Clubs, groups, and places to know at Victoria College and across campus

Maia Kachan | Contributor

It can be daunting going from high school to a university as expansive and broad as U of T is in terms of academic programming, extracurricular activities, and the types of students who choose to come here. Vic and U of T offer numerous volunteer and club positions that vary from playing sports to making latte art. Many of the strongest relationships begin over a shared interest or skill. Below are a few notable ways to connect with likeminded students in both the Vic and broader the UofT community.

VUSAC: Your student government A breakdown of Victoria University’s Student Administration Council

Coffee Shops Seeing as the University of Toronto is filled with students downing copious amounts of coffee, it’s only natural that there are many opportunities to volunteer at cafes. Caffiends, located in Old Vic, is a student-run cafe that focuses on equitable issues and social justice, serving fair trade coffee and ethically produced food. Volunteer sign-ups occur at the beginning of the year, and it is an easy way to meet new people and become part of a community at Vic. Diabolos’, located in the junior common room at University College, is a similar coffee shop within the UC Community.

LGBT+ There are huge amounts of resources to connect LGBT+ students to each other and provide support for anyone struggling with or questioning their identity. LGBTOUT is the largest, running events throughout the year to connect LGBT+ students and educate and promote LGBT+ education and awareness. LGBTOUT runs a drop in centre, located in the archway of Sir Daniel Wilson Residence at University College, which provides a safe space and resources for LGBT+ students at the University of Toronto. Victoria College’s VicPride! is a more Vic-specific group. Be sure to look out for an LGBTQ-themed activity during Frosh Week—it’s a great way to meet other queer, trans, and allied students.

Publications Along with many newspaper publications (like The Strand!), University of Toronto’s rich literary tradition has fostered the growth of numerous literary publications that showcase the writing talents of UofT students. Two of these, Acta Victoriana—a literary journal that has been a constant in Victoria College’s history since 1878—and The Goose—a publication highlighting short stories—are housed at Victoria College. Students can get involved in publications like these both by working in an editorial position and submitting writing. The history of literary theory at Vic helps to create the culture of creative writing seen at the college today.

Another way to stay connected and aware within Vic campus is to write for The Strand. Published biweekly, The Strand has articles regarding happenings on and off campus. Writers can connect with individuals on campus through interviews and experience different events by writing reviews.

Erik Preston | Editor-in-Chief The Victoria College Student Administrative Council, VUSAC for short, is the student government here at Victoria College. “We are a representative student government consisting of elected and hired members, all of whom are working towards the same goal of better representing and serving Vic students,” said VUSAC co-President Stuart Norton. The governing body provides many services to students here at Vic. As VicePresident, Internal, Golda Greenspoon, told The Strand, “We offer many services including cheap printing at ten cents per page, discounted tickets for things such as AGO First Thursdays, Friday Night Live at the ROM, and free access to the Gardiner Museum.” “We also run various events throughout the school year,” Greenspoon noted. “These include formals, pub nights, and other social/cultural events for students.” In addition to events and services, many campaigns and initiatives at Vic find their roots in VUSAC. These can include professional development workshops, panel discussions, conferences, and equity and social justice workshops that take place throughout the year. Be sure to keep an eye out for these events on social media and around campus.

One of the bigger responsibilities of VUSAC is the collection and distribution of student fees, from which all Vic clubs, commissions, and levies receive their funding. In addition, they provide student representation to administrative bodies at UofT. “We frequently meet with various administrative bodies here at Vic and UofT to provide student input and ensure the student perspective is considered in the drafting of new policies,” said Norton. Various positions exist on the council (for more information, visit vusac. ca), including those of the various commissioners who hold portfolios for equity, sustainability, arts and culture, academic and professional development, and Scarlet & Gold (event planning), several of which have their own separate committees. Working with these various commissions is one of the many great ways to get involved at Vic. In addition, fall elections are held each year to fill eight councillor positions on the council. Above all, Greenspoon noted, “It is VUSAC’s goal to keep making Victoria College a better place to be a student and to improve upon the experience here.” The VUSAC office can be found in the Goldring Centre in Room 127.

News • The Strand

A guide to safety on campus

Need-to-know information and resources for the school year Erin Calhoun | News Editor Content warning: Article discusses sexual assault and violence.

Campus safety is a constant concern for students, especially now with the growing number of assaults and attacks on university and college campuses. The University of Toronto aims at making campus a comfortable home for learning, working, and living. UofT provides several services to accompany students on campus in uncomfortable or dangerous situations. Campus Police work in partnership with many programs to create a safe space for students. They can be reached at 416-978-2323 for general information and at 416-978-2222 for urgent situations. Many large, red emergency stations are located around campus where students can press a button to signal for help; a member of the Campus Police will be sent immediately to the location.

The university supplies several services to be at hand to students when in emergency situations or looking to take preventative measures. The Work Alone Program allows individuals who are on campus at quiet periods (evenings, weekends, holidays) to arrange for a member of the Campus Police to escort them from work and to check in during work hours. This service can be reached at the Campus Police general information phone number. WalkSmart is a service that provides escorts to students who feel uncomfortable walking alone anywhere on campus. Escorts are available all year round at any given time. Students must call 416978-SAFE (7233) to schedule a time for a patroller to escort them from location A to B. These escorts are recognizable by black ID cards and blue jackets marked “Campus Patrol WalkSmart.” To maximize levels of comfort, WalkSmart sends out one female and one male escort to accompany a student at the time of their request. The service is regularly used by first-year students within their first six months at the university, before friendships and bonds have formed. Assault that occurs on campus, specifically sexual assault, is mostly against women. However, students of any gender can be victimized. Sexual assault on campus is a growing issue for universities, but this issue continues to go unrecognized as a threat. The University of Toronto makes reporting sexual assault very difficult and tiring—especially for dealing with the sensitive subject at hand. These traumatic situations have left victims too afraid and embarrassed to return to classes or campus, since the attacker is often someone the victim knows.

Over the summer of 2015, VUSAC worked with small focus groups to reinvent the existing sexual assault policy to make it more direct. The final product of this effort has yet to be presented to the student body. Since October 2015, Kelly Hannah-Moffat was appointed Vice-President to Human Resources and Equity, on Sexual Violence and Crisis Services. Hannah-Moffatt had recommended changing the existing structure of the sexual violence services. UofT President Meric Gertler and Vice President and Provost Cheryl Regehr have both commented on their commitment to maintaining the university as a comfortable place for students and reviewing the existing procedures to ensure they provide appropriate resources for sexual harassment relief and support. In an article published by UofT News, Regehr is quoted as saying, “As we develop our response to the review, we encourage all members of the university community to continue to offer their comments. We are confident that the recommendations in the report will help us continue to improve the university’s prevention and response efforts related to sexual violence.” Gertler and Regehr created a committee to focus on this issue where consultations with students were held that worked with external groups such as the Peel Assault Centre. In an article published by CBC on February 16, fourteen days after UofT News published their article about the university’s efforts to restructure their system to support the victims, an anonymous student who was victim to an assault states that the university left her with little help. CBC states, “The student had a meeting with a representative from the university’s counselling services during the last school year, but instead of getting help, she says, she left ‘blaming’ herself.” The university supplies several services to who are in emergency situations or are looking to take preventative measures. UofT, like many other North American universities, still requires many large steps forward in order to fully support victims of assault on-campus.

There are always contacts ready to help students to feel safe on campus.

Campus Police Urgent Line (416) 978 2222 WalkSmart 416 978 SAFE (7233) Photo | Genevieve Wakutz

Editorial • The Strand

OUR MASTHEAD

editor@thestrand.ca

Erik Preston Alexandra Scandolo

News

Erin Calhoun

Editors-in-Chief

news@thestrand.ca

Opinions

Shailee Koranne

opinions@thestrand.ca

Science science@thestrand.ca

Tanuj Ashwin Kumar

Features

Ainsley MacDougall

features@thestrand.ca

artsandculture@thestrand.ca

Molly Kay Elena Senechal-Becker

Film & Music

Joshua Kim

Arts & Culture

filmandmusic@thestrand.ca

Stranded

Celeste Yim

stranded@thestrand.ca

Copy Editing

Tristan McGrath-Waugh

copy@thestrand.ca

Design

Genevieve Wakutz

design@thestrand.ca

Photo

Rosa Kumar

photo@thestrand.ca

Art

Lynn Seolim Hong

Welcome to the University You Photo | Rosa Kumar

Alexandra Scandolo | Editor-in-Chief While starting university is an exciting and effervescent experience, it is undeniably overwhelming. You have more than enough voices telling you that it’s going to be the best time of your life, coupled with an onslaught of daily notifications from a confusing amount of university-affiliated websites. There’s this rush of freedom, but also a complete shift in the lifestyle and routine you’ve crafted over the years. In the chaos of all this thrilling newness in your life, there will be an inevitable pull to engage with the new people and enticing ideas being presented to you. A new environment presents new situations from which to learn and grow—with university particularly challenging you to become an opinionated, political, and thoughtful person. You are going to be surrounded by like-minded people at Vic and UofT, in your classes and amongst your friends. You will share your opinions with others and learn more about yourself in doing so. Everyone is here to find their stride at their own pace; there are no rules for your growth. Each day will present the chance to think critically about the world, people, school, and yourself. You will be able to speak about your passions to strangers and bounce ideas off people you trust. Perhaps most importantly, you’ll be given the chance to listen. There is much to gain from listening; you can absorb what is being presented by

others, form your thoughts, and use this knowledge going forward—it’s what you are here to do. At this point I am at severe risk of sounding like the kind of banner phrase that’s been pitched to you by many outlets in your life (parents, social media, and the university itself ). However, if you take away anything from this article, take this; never lose your excitement for being here. In my own case, I have the people this place cultivates, the people I’m surrounded by at university, to thank for the way I look at the world today. The experiences that lie ahead of you will always be fresh and exciting, despite the difficulties that will arise with this new step. It may not be the best time of your life, but it will certainly be one of the most enriching times for your personal growth. Our writers and editors have compiled articles that are sure to come in handy in the weeks following. The topics in this issue vary from arts & culture in the city (page 8), to maintaining a healthy lifestyle in this new environment (pages 6 & 7), to the psychology of studying in university (page 5). Take each day in stride, analyze all of it, and spend time listening. UofT’s miniuniverse is waiting to hear what you and your peers have to contribute. The masthead is looking forward to the opinions, perspectives, and ideas of students gracing The Strand’s pages this coming year.

art@thestrand.ca

web@thestrand.ca

Arjun Sawhney Justine Chen

Editorial Assistants

Vacant

Web

Contributors Carl Abrahamsen, Rhea Bhatia, Victoria Butler, Maia Kachan, Katrina Li, Lucas Loizou, Sam Mazzilli, Sabrina Papas, Kate Stoehr Copy Editors Rhianna Jackson-Kelso, Joshua Kim, Erik Preston, Alexandra Scandolo Illustrations Lynn Hong, Katrina Li, Varvara Nedilska Photos Victoria Butler, Lynn Hong, Rosa Kumar, Sabrina Papas, Genevieve Wakutz Cover Photo Alexandra Scandolo

The Strand has been the newspaper of record for Victoria University since 1953. It is published 12 times a year with a circulation of 2000 and is distributed in Victoria University buildings and across the University of Toronto’s St. George campus. The Strand flagrantly enjoys its editorial autonomy and is committed to acting as an agent of constructive social change. As such, we will not publish material deemed to exhibit racism, sexism, homo/transphobia, ableism, or other oppressive language. The Strand is a proud member of the Canadian University Press (CUP). Our offices are located at 150 Charles St. W., Toronto, ON, M5S 1K9. Please direct enquiries by email to editor@thestrand.ca. Submissions are welcome and may be edited for taste, brevity, and legality.

the strand Want to get involved? We’re always looking for reporters, contributors, illustrators, photographers, and more.

Interested in writing? news@thestrand.ca opinions@thestrand.ca science@thestrand.ca features@thestrand.ca artsandculture@thestrand.ca filmandmusic@thestrand.ca stranded@thestrand.ca

Or are you more interested in production? copy@thestrand.ca photo@thestrand.ca web@thestrand.ca art@thestrand.ca design@thestrand.ca

Check us out online thestrand.ca facebook.com/TheStrandPaper @strandpaper

Opinions • The Strand

Why I’m learning to stop letting my grades determine my happiness Molly Kay | Arts & Culture Editor

Illustration | Lynn Hong

For as long as I can remember, I’ve always loved school. I’ve never turned in an assignment late, I’ve studied for every test I’ve ever written, I’m dedicated to extracurricular involvement, and I always make sure to hand in my best work, no matter what. I take pride in my schoolwork, but I have one fatal flaw: I have a dangerous habit of pushing myself beyond my limits because I constantly seek the sense of satisfaction and achievement that is derived from academic success. In all likelihood, the reason I value academics so highly is due to the emphasis on education in my household growing up. My mother is a schoolteacher and she has always made it very clear that school is the number one priority. She has taught me a lot over the years, and I am eternally grateful for the discipline and attitude towards education that was instilled upon me from a young age. However, it wasn’t until I started university that I realized the extent to which I based my self-worth off of my academic success and that I understood why that mindset is detrimental to both my mental health and my self-esteem. Academic institutions notoriously reinforce a very specific image of what success looks like. From very early on in our academic careers, students are put under a lot of pressure to perform well academically, while also playing an active role in student life through extracurricular activities. This stressful balancing act begins as early as high school, when students are expected to do well in school, get involved with school clubs, and complete a minimum of 40 volunteer hours just in order to graduate. Not to mention, many students must also balance a part-time job on top of that in order to save up for an outrageously expensive post-secondary education. This pressure only intensifies once you actually begin working towards your post-secondary degree. During my own first year, I placed expectations on myself that were unreasonably high and in the process, my life became a dangerous balancing act. I juggled

academics, extracurriculars, and a social life, all while convincing myself that a 4.0 GPA was what I needed in order to feel accomplished. When faced with exams and assignment deadlines, I would often forego eating and sleeping in favour of completing my scholastic responsibilities. In fact, I found it difficult to focus on anything else., and The school-related stress would consume me until I had perfected my schoolwork. This approach is both unhealthy and completely unsustainable. My obsessive tendency to perfect my schoolwork prevents me from leaving anything to the last minute. However, because university is such an overwhelming environment due to both academics and extracurriculars, it’s not always possible to start assignments a week or two before they’re due. This greatly affected my sleeping habits. Often I would lie awake at night thinking about all of my unfinished assignments and pending responsibilities, even if they were still days and sometimes weeks away. Midway through the school year, I received my first poor grade ever in my first year English class. I spent weeks preparing arguments and writing drafts for an essay I was writing on a book that I loved. I visited my professor during office hours on several occasions, and I read over my paper until I had it practically memorised. I felt amazing about this piece and I submitted it with complete confidence. A few weeks later, my TA handed them back to us and to my horror, I had barely passed. I was devastated. I began to entertain a

cycle of negative thoughts that amplified my anxiety, and I convinced myself that I didn’t even belong in university. Once the initial shock wore off, I began to accept the situation and acknowledged my mistakes. I put things into perspective. I recognised that this wasn’t my best work, and so I asked myself: what can I learn from this experience? I realised that one bad grade does not shape my entire university experience and it does not represent me or my level of intelligence in any way. I stopped letting my shortcomings have so much power over me, and I used this misstep to actually work towards improving my writing. As I enter my second year, I’m learning to accept that it is impossible to be the best at everything, and that it’s completely unreasonable for me to put that expectation on myself. No matter which path you decide on once you graduate from high school, this time represents a period of tremendous growth where you learn a lot about yourself and gain important life experience. It’s all very overwhelming, but what I understand now is that exhaustion and starvation are not normal symptoms of being a college or university student. This year I’m focusing on establishing boundaries and respecting my limits, because health should never come second to academic success. Sure, school is both extremely stressful and difficult, but it should also be exciting and rewarding.

Science • The Strand

The scientific benefits of handwritten notes Sometimes it’s best to leave your laptop at home, The Strand’s Science Editor explains why. Tanuj Ashwin Kumar | Science Editor Often, first-years prepare themselves for their first- laptop, what exactly is happening compared to when ever university classes by telling themselves: “This year, you are writing things down by hand? It’s true that I’m going to study hard and study well, and get some most of us find typing easier and quicker than writkiller marks.” It’s an exciting prospect, a “new start” in a ing, but as a result, there’s a greater tendency to directly world beyond high school, and it’s imperative to be on write down whatever the lecturer is saying rather than top of your personal game. This is especially apparent pick and choose the important information. When these days, where technology has made both informa- your lecturer is going at a certain pace, adjusting your tion and competition internatyping speed to match the lectional. turer’s speed makes it easier to But that might be why you just copy things verbatim. In should ditch your laptop—at contrast, it’s the slower speed least, for taking notes. of longhand that is the key to a Wouldn’t a quick typing higher retention rate. You cerThe intimate act of putting speed be better than the tedious tainly may not always be able pen to paper and task of writing in a notebook? to keep up with the lecturer, Not quite. In a 2014 study— but your brain is able to better transcribing an idea helps which, at this point, has become weigh what information is imsolidify it in your brain in a common knowledge among portant, digest content more better way than distantly press- deeply, and perform the sort educators—Princeton’s Pam A. Mueller and UCLA’s Daniel ing keys and watching letters of “mental weightlifting” necM. Oppenheimer investigated essary to help internalize core appear on a screen whether or not students who concepts. Re-framing content typed up notes on laptops rein your own words is an imtained as much information as portant part of learning. students who wrote everything down. In each and every What about long-term retention, or just telling the case, the students who wrote down their notes under- students to be mindful of typing things up in their own stood core concepts better and were able to apply what words? Pam and Mueller investigated both situations, they learned in superior ways. This wasn’t just limited and the written word still beat the typed word when to a few core subjects, Mueller and Oppenheimer as- looking at information retention. Discussing the possessed UCLA and Princeton students on content rang- sible causes of this, Pam and Mueller postulated that ing from algorithms to zoology. the act of typing and the act of writing used different When you’re frantically typing up notes on your cognitive skillsets. The intimate act of putting pen to

paper and transcribing an idea helps solidify it in your brain in a better way than distantly pressing keys and watching letters appear on a screen.

“

Photo | Lynn Hong

This doesn’t mean that laptops are absolutely useless for learning. Laptops and other smart devices are portals into a universe of unprecedented information. They are fantastic tools when incorporated into active learning—like lecture games and real-time multiplechoice quizzes. Furthermore, learning strategies are different from person to person. A laptop might work for you better, and that’s fine. At the very least, if you might one day decide to try out a nice notebook for your first lecture, there will be less of an inclination to type things up while posting memes on Facebook at the same time.

Features • The Strand

Healthier, Happier Tips for a fit first year Ainsley MacDougall | Features Editor

University is an exciting time in anyone’s life. For a lot of people, it means the first time living away from home and the first major foray into adulthood and living independently. First year is a hectic one, with trying to figure out how everything works at school and where you fit into the social scene. With these things going on in the background, it can be difficult to focus on one’s personal health—whether it be physical or mental. However, first year is a great time to develop some healthy habits to carry with you throughout the remainder of your university experience and, hopefully, beyond. With that, here are some tips on how to improve your health through diet, exercise, and attention to mental health.

Food & Diet Unless you have been living under a rock, you have probably heard of the dreaded “Freshman 15.” Though the Freshman 15 is really more of a myth (the average weight gain of frosh, if they do gain weight, is usually about 3 pounds), eating well is by no means a pointless goal. First year is a great time to start developing some healthy eating habits. So, here are some tips to help get you started.

Set your own goals The best way to get healthier is through making lifestyle changes, not by dieting. Making your own goals—and not just following a generic diet or life-change plan—will be easier for you to maintain and improve on later. It can be anything you want it to be; do you want to cut out caffeine? Sugar? Eat more vegetables? It’s up to you to define what you need to be healthier. Get real with yourself Know your weaknesses when it comes to food. Are you bad at avoiding those tempting Burwash pastries every Saturday morning? Do you eat so much pasta you go back to fill your plate four times? Do you have trouble eating certain foods in moderation, even though you understand that you should? It is important to be aware of these things when making meal choices. If you know you hate eating vegetables by themselves, try them in another meal that combines them with something you like. Don’t try to force yourself to eat them by themselves and hate it! If you know you have trouble eating things like chocolate or desserts in moderation without binge-eating, you may have to try completely abstaining from the food instead—not everyone is actually capable of moderating how much they eat of something they crave. Know yourself and your habits, and adjust accordingly instead of following someone else’s model.

Plan, plan, plan! This works both if you commute or if you live on residence. If you commute, take time to plan out what and where you will eat for the rest of the week. If you bring lunch and other food for yourself, plan out some options that will be quick to make in the morning or the night before you have to head to class. If you know you’ll need to eat somewhere on-campus, consider where to go that isn’t too expensive and still has healthy options. Ned’s Café is a good bet, as is Sammy’s Student Exchange at Hart House. If you eat on a meal plan, take a minute at the beginning of the week to glance over the meal schedule for your dining hall to make mental notes for that week. For example, if you are looking to eat less sugar but love desserts, use the schedule to decide when you should eat dessert. As well, make deals with yourself. If you want the chocolate lava cake on Friday, you can tell yourself you can’t eat any cookies or desserts from Monday-Thursday and use the cake as reward for your fabulous self-control. Using strategies like this can lessen the surprise that your favourite sweet potato fries are being served and prevent the binge-eating.

Fitness Though it has too many benefits to go over here, exercise is an amazing thing for your body. It boosts brain health, your mood, and prevents numerous chronic health conditions. Though you may have hated high school gym class, there is no reason to avoid exercise as you enter adulthood. UofT has a ton of different options for everyone when it comes to staying active at school. Try a new sport or activity There is definitely no shortage of new activities or sports to try at UofT. The Victoria College Athletics Association runs some great teams and activities for Vic as part of the UofT intramurals. Here, you can join anything from soccer to basketball. Try some of the classes at Hart House or the Athletic Centre, or try out for a novice sports team, like rowing. There are also a lot of roundabout ways to get some great activity, like joining the UofT Outing Club. Outdoor activities are great ways to be active, since you also get to enjoy some fresh air in the process and meet some cool people at the same time! 6

Try out a new gym You may not realize that your student fees actually give you access to three awesome gyms on campus. Want more of a chilled out vibe that’s close to Vic? Try the Hart House gym. Want to be around more intense machines and athletes? Try the Goldring Centre for High Performance Sport, or the Athletic Centre. If you are nervous about what to do at the gym, feel free to take it slow at first while you figure it out, or ask any of the employees for help or guidance.

Find inspiration Were you amazed by our Canadian Olympians at Rio this year? Did you dream of trying out some of what these athletes were killing it at? Inspiration can come from anywhere, and it helps to have people to look up to when it comes to fitness, and they don’t have to be Olympians. Maybe it’s a YouTuber you follow who runs a lot, or maybe it’s your new friend from residence who just joined the soccer team and is super pumped about it. Seek out people like this to look up to, and you’ll find yourself much more interested in exercising—you may even learn some great tips from them in the process.

Features• The Strand Mental Health First year is a lot of things: crazy, fun, exciting, and strange. But sadly, it can also be stressful, sad, and infuriating. Unexpected events and emotions can come about during first year that leave you feeling helpless and alone, which is why being conscious of your mental health and emotions is so essential.

Know your resources If you are a student at Vic, you have access to our own personal counsellor as well as UofT’s, which makes it easier to book appointments. UofT’s Health and Wellness Centre handles all the appointments and can connect you with the resources you need, including assault counselling and cultural- and faithbased counselling. There are also a lot of great wellness events run by Hart House—for example, their Weekly Wellness program—and by Victoria College, with Wellness Wednesdays held across the Vic campus. Though it can be difficult, reaching out if you are having a hard time—whether to your residence or commuter don, friend, or someone at UofT Health and Wellness—can also be a great first step in improving your experience at school.

Don’t compare yourself to others It can be really easy in first year to see your friends’Facebook updates and snapchats and think they are having the best time at university while you are having the worst. This is almost always not the case, and though it can be difficult to disconnect from what you see online from your friends, it is important to remember no one has the same experience in university, and it is really rare that first year is perfect. Everyone has their own struggles that aren’t always obvious, so it’s best to focus on yourself as much as possible in this regard.

Don’t expect perfection A lot of what you hear about university makes it sound like it should be a constant party. “It’s the best time of your life!” people often say. University is an amazing experience, and certainly can be the best time of your life, but that doesn’t mean every moment has to be incredible. Go into first year expecting some mistakes, some crappy moments, and some awkward experiences. It isn’t the end of the world if you don’t make as many friends as you want, or didn’t end up enjoying the club you thought you would love. Learn from your mistakes and keep getting up off the ground, and university will treat you well.

Illustration | Varvara Nedilska

Quick Tips Try time-delayed eating Recent experiments conducted by Carnegie Mellon University revealed that people choose lower-calorie meals when there is a significant amount of time in between ordering food and the time of eating it. Doing this allows you to consider both the short-term and long-term consequences of your food choices.

Set concrete fitness goals Schedule yourself around a goal or an event, like running yourfirst 5 or 10kK run. Having something to work towards will make it easier to motivate yourself, especially if you had to pay to register for an event or told your friends about it!

Check in with yourself Make sure you aren’t getting so distracted with school that you forget to take care of yourself and take account of your emotions and feelings. Reflect on the week or month and how you reacted to different events—, whether positive or negative—, and consider any lessons you learned from dealing with these things that you can remember for the future.

Take time to relax

Even if it seems like you don’t even have enough time to eat, taking time to relax during stressful times is essential. Whether it’s by reading a new book, taking a nice walk around campus, meditating, or watching your favourite show on Netflix, find time to relax in a way that will refresh you so you can be more efficient and effective in the rest of your life.

Arts & Culture • The Strand Illustration | Lynn Hong

Arts & Culture in & around campus Elena Senechal-Becker & Molly Kay | Arts & Culture Editors Welcome to the Arts & Culture section, and more importantly, welcome (or welcome back) to Vic! Whether you’re a res student or a commuter, a first year or a fourth year, The Strand’s Arts & Culture is your guide to interesting cultural events at Vic, within U of T and in Toronto. We cover everything from the local to the international, and we welcome you to write for us if you have anything you’d like to share or review. To start this year out on the right foot, we’ve compiled some of the most important artistic and cultural hubs in and around campus. Goldring Student Centre 150 Charles Street West • The Cat’s Eye, located in the basement of the Goldring Student Centre, is a student-run-lounge open every weekday to Vic students. The Cat’s Eye hosts various concerts and shows, as well as events for many of Victoria College’s arts associations. It is basically Vic College’s own DIY space, and can be booked for almost anything. Keep an eye out in The Strand for upcoming events! • Victoria College also houses two literary journals, Acta Victoriana, and The Goose. While Acta Victoriana is a poetry and art

journal, The Goose aims to publish short fiction. Both journals are open to undergraduate submissions, and hold issue releases and readings, which are open to the public. • Also within the Goldring Student Centre (and probably steps away from where you picked up this issue) The Strand, Victoria College’s student newspaper, is hard at work with putting out new content. Find us on the second floor in Room 153! Hart House 7 Hart House Circle • Hart House is at the heart and soul of U of T, and it fittingly houses several different arts and culture opportunities. The Hart House theatre showcases a plethora of diverse mediums (drama, music, film, dance, spoken word) in shows throughout the year. This is also where U of T’s Drama Festival happens in February. For writers and poets, Hart House offers a variety of libraries and literary programs, such as the Hart House Review, U of T’s college-wide literary journal, and Writer’s Coop, where students can receive feedback on their creative written works. A quick look on the Hart House website will give you contacts, dates and the info you need to get involved

in any of these activities. •The Hart House camera club is also a great resource for aspiring photographers or videographers. The club rents out quality equipment for cheap, and they even have a photography darkroom for developing and enlarging film (a student membership for the whole year is just $25). •Another hidden gem located at Hart House is the visual arts hub, made up of the Justina M. Barnicke Gallery and University of Toronto Art Centre. These establishments feature contemporary Canadian artists, as well as select historical pieces, all year round. Admission is free to students and the galleries are open from Tuesday to Saturday. Royal Ontario Museum 100 Queens Park • The ROM showcases an extensive collection of artwork, cultural exhibitions, and natural history. Aside from its permanent collection, the ROM also hosts special exhibitions, gallery shows, and lectures throughout the year. They are currently displaying: “A Third Gender: Beautiful Youths in Japanese Prints,” “CHIHULY,” and a brand new exhibition called “Art, Honour, and Ridicule: Asafo

Flags from Southern Ghana.” The ROM is located right across the street from Victoria College and on Tuesdays, general admission to the museum is free for students. Art Gallery of Ontario 317 Dundas Street West • The AGO’s impressive collection includes more than 80,000 pieces spanning from the first century to now. The gallery displays artworks from all around the world, such as: the European Old Master Collection, the African and Oceanic Collection, the Thomson Renaissance Collection and its very own Canadian Collection, with a special interest in the art of Toronto and Ontario. • The AGO also showcases a variety of special exhibits. Current exhibitions include: “SuperReal: Pop Art from the AGO Collection,” “Theaster Gates: How to Build a House Museum,” and “The Idea of North: The Paintings of Lawren Harris.” The AGO is located just down the street from St. Patrick Station on the Yonge– University Line. On Wednesday nights from 6:00 – 9:00 pm, entry to the AGO’s permanent collection is free to the public. Otherwise, general admission for students only costs $11.00.

Adult Ballet at the National Ballet School The Strand interviews NBS instructor Bob McCollum about the benefits of studying ballet at any age Sabrina Papas | Contributor Toronto is home to the National Ballet School of Canada: an institution that offers professional ballet training to youth, teacher training, and adult ballet classes. Their Adult Ballet program, which runs yearly from September to July, grants the opportunity to learn dance to anyone looking to either entirely begin their ballet training, or to rekindle their prior ballet experience. Located at Jarvis and Wellesley, the close proximity of the NBS to the Victoria College campus makes it perfect for any student interested in taking on extracurricular activities outside of school. Between attending class, writing assignments, and completing readings, it’s easy to get caught up in schoolwork and begin to lose yourself. It’s important to have a creative outlet outside of class, residence, or home that is free of any sort of pressure. Students of the Adult Ballet program at the NBS are not generally seeking a career in ballet, creating an environment that excludes any of the stress or competition that may exist in a typical university course. This past summer, I took an Intro to Ballet, which is the first level of adult classes at the NBS. I was also enrolled in summer courses at UofT, and although the workload was sufficiently lighter compared to class during fall and winter, I still looked forward to my weekly ballet class so that I could de-stress my body and mind. I also took ballet as a child, so it was nice to return to dance after so long. The instructor of the course was Bob McCollum, known as Ballet Bob in the dance community. He also founded the Adult Ballet program at the NBS in 1996, and it was a pleasure to be taught by him. In the mere nine weeks of the class, we learned the full barre, spotting, and simple jumps. All of the steps were taught at a gradual pace, making them easy to follow. Each week,

we would repeat the same steps and build upon them. The curriculum was still challenging, but it was taught in a manner that was easy for any beginner dancer to understand and follow. The NBS provided a comfortable space to learn ballet and truly enjoy the process. I spoke to my former instructor, Bob McCollum, to find out a little more about what classes at the NBS have to offer. The Strand: When did you start dancing and where did you study? Bob McCollum: I was nineteen years old, which, in ballet terms, is a late starter, when I started in my home city of Boston, Massachusetts. I thought studying ballet would help me move better as an actor, which was the field I was trying to enter. I was encouraged to study full-time, and my career forever changed. Most of my advanced training took place in New York City for about three years. I danced with a contemporary company there, and in 1978 got an invitation to join a small contemporary ballet company here in Toronto. The company did a lot of touring of the country, from BC to Nova Scotia. I fell in love with the country and a special someone from here.

“

I firmly believe we all have an inner dancer we have forgotten to nurture

Why did you decide to start the adult ballet program at NBS?

I was called by Mavis Staines, who is the artistic director of the NBS, in the summer of 1996 to start the Adult Ballet program, for she knew of my interest in teaching late starters like myself. We started with four classes a week and now offer thirty-four classes, including over fifty-five ballet and dance-based conditioning as well. Are there any specific benefits that come with learning ballet?

The benefits of taking ballet are substantial. Recent studies from all over the world, one being at Princeton University, has called ballet the number one choice to enhance brain agility. The other benefits are a more improved sense of body alignment, core strength, an increase of serotonin (which is good for your state of mind), and an increased enjoyment of listening to live music, which has many benefits as well. Over the years, I have encountered a few UofT students, from freshmen to PhD candidates, who have told me that their classes here at the NBS kept them sane and often cleared the cobwebs in order to go back and complete their work. Many people assume that they need prior dance experience to learn ballet as an adult. To whom would you recommend taking ballet? In the adult program, we have students ranging from ages seventeen to over eighty. I firmly believe we all have an inner dancer we have forgotten to nurture. Any parent will tell you of the moment that their child [first] danced to music, which can be as early as one or two years of age. One student of an advanced age told me recently of going home for a reunion and people wondering what was different about her. She believed, through her dance classes, she had found a sense of inner grace and a better way to live in her

Photo | Sabrina Papas

body, which to me was the ultimate compliment for the Adult Ballet program. So, I encourage anybody to start their journey into the ballet. What curriculum is taught to the adult students?

Here at the NBS we have developed a comprehensive curriculum for adult students which follows clear pedagogical guidelines that we use in our respected professional training program. I am pleased to say all of our teachers have their teaching certification from the three main syllabi, have studied anatomy, and are on top of all new advances in training. What skills would someone attain from a class at the NBS? Skills learnt could be seen as improved posture, coordination, musicality, and spatial awareness. I also believe there are far greater intangible skills such as brain agility, inner grace, and better understanding of one’s body and all its wonder. For more information about the Adult Ballet program at the NBS, visit www.nbs-enb.ca/classes/ adult-classes or contact Jennifer Mestre at jmestre@ nbs-enb.ca!

BFFs: Best Frosh Friends?

Arts & Culture • The Strand

Rhea Bhatia | Contributor To say that you will meet a lot of people during Orientation Week is a massive understatement. You will constantly be surrounded by Frosh Leaders, fellow Vic students, first years from other colleges, and those pesky neighbours who smoke outside your window and make more noise than humanly possible right above your room. Frosh Week is overwhelming, exciting, and it goes by quickly, so it’s important to make the most of it. If I could give my firstyear self advice, it would be to lighten up, go with the flow, and just have fun! I realized a day or two into the week that I was completely in control of choosing which events I wanted to be

a part of, according to my own personality and interests. This is when you will meet like-minded people and form friendships that could last a lifetime. However, the objective is not to make lifelong friendships. If you put that kind of pressure on yourself, you may end up forgetting to have fun. The people you meet during Frosh Week do not have to be your best friends for life, and there will be plenty of opportunities to form strong connections throughout the year through common interests, residence life, and more. Orientation Week gives you the opportunity to settle into your surroundings and explore opportunities you may not have

even considered otherwise. For instance, I never thought I’d join the Victoria College Drama Society. During my own Frosh Week, I decided to attend their information session on a whim simply because I was promised free pizza. Now, one year later, I am proud to call myself one of VCDS’s producers! Frosh Week helped me find my feet here at Victoria College and even encouraged me to become an Frosh Leader this year. Most importantly, it showed me how lucky I am to be here among some of the most welcoming, warm, and creative people I have ever met. I know that you’ll find your spot here at Vic, and I’m sure you’ll grow to love it just as much as I do!

Film & Music • The Strand

Four albums your dad likes that are actually pretty good Carl Abrahamsen | Contributor

It’s called the Seinfeld effect,

when the originators of a genre of television or other art feel lackluster because everything they did right has been copied to the point of cliché. Nowhere is this truer than in music with its wave after wave of revivals and retro-obsessions. Yet, some albums manage to defy the curse of becoming influential. Piqued by the startling suggestion that our parents might have decent music taste, The Strand decided to riffle through their music collections and rehabilitate some of the albums that, despite time and imitation, have remained great pieces of art. Bruce Springsteen Born in The USA Born In The USA is probably the pinnacle of dad rock, but don’t let the guitar pathos and ‘80s synths fool you. At its heart, it is an attempt to reconcile patriotism with the sense that something is fundamentally broken in America. You might remember “Dancing In The Dark” from the time your uncle got drunk and sung it on top of your living room couch. But stripped of the Courtney Cox video and fatherly nostalgia, it is a poignant exploration of a man using sexual desire as a (failed) refugee from alienation and economic malaise; it could even be read as a critique of pop’s sex-fixation as escapist. The album’s strength is the way that it manages to combine this social critique with elating, cathartic rock music. Certainly, The Boss’ short story-like songs focus on a specific experience—being

white, male, heterosexual, and workingclass. Springsteen was criticized for moving away from folk and burying his politics in commercially-pleasing pop rock. But in the way he perfects the classic rock formula on songs like “Glory Days” or “Born In The USA,” you could almost say Springsteen adopted the voice of the working class in not just content, but form. At times, the album sounds more like an expertly executed piece of craftsmanship than a piece of art. The The Dusk Dusk opens with the sound of a fireplace and a halfsung, half-recited rant about desire before launching into a cavalcade of keyboarddriven choruses and titles like “Dogs of Lust” and “Slow Emotion Replay.” One-man-band Matt Johnson blends post-punk, funk rhythms, soul-like crooning, and pop melodies into something that seems too big and bloated to possibly work. Still, it does. From the infectiousness of The Smiths guitarist Johnny Marr’s licks to Johnson’s exploration of the link between artist and listener on “Helpline Operator,” The The’s charm is undeniable. Dusk owes a lot of this peculiar success to its melodies. Its primary genius is the effortless way it masters the difficult balance between self-awareness and earnestness that is so essential to good

pop. When Johnson sings “Love, love, love/ Is stronger than death,” he does so both with a glint in the eye and the conviction that, for him, it is not a trite cliché, but something true and important. Run-D.M.C. Run-D.M.C. This is the album that, according to legend, first embraced the street look, started the diss track, and moved hip-hop away from funkinspired party anthems towards the aggressive and often political rap of the ‘80s and ‘90s. Even today, there is tremendous urgency and power behind DJ Run and D.M.C.’s rapping, full of staccato and eschewing the onerapper-per-verse structure in favour of an anarchistic free-for-all. The instrumentation is especially unparalleled, from the soaring guitar samples to songs like “Sucker MC’s,” which feature only harsh drum machines and a few scratches that sound less like a sonic backdrop than a third rapper competing for attention. Even with all of those elements, Run-D.M.C. also sounds dated—and joyfully so. Compared to modern hip-hop, DJ Run and D.M.C. repping their friend and DJ on “Jam Master Jay” or D.M.C. bragging about attending St. John’s University on “Sucker MC’s” seems positively dorky.

The optimism that concludes the political rant “It’s Like That” or the way the rappers swap lines, as if they were too enthused by their rhymes to wait for their own verses, all suggest a vision of rap as something not only revolutionary, political, and serious, but also a lot of fun. Lucinda Williams Car Wheels On A Gravel Road Wait, country? While it may be the target of cheap jokes and the “but” to people’s “I listen to all types of music,” Lucinda William’s country sounds more like The Clash than Brad Paisley. It is simple and often abrasive, with unpolished production that emphasizes Williams’ hoarse yet compelling voice. In fact, the more fitting reference for Williams is perhaps William Faulkner. Punklike guitar riffs lay the base for stream-ofconsciousness observations of the American South. In her harsh realism—both emotional and societal—and her fondness for the people and country she critiques, Williams is the anti-thesis to the mythology and the hunting-and-beer masculinity of country pop. While titles like “2 Kool 2 Be 4-Gotten” seem dated at first, after a few listens, the evocations of longing for something that rises above the temporariness of crumbling small-town Louisiana feels more like vicious humour. The kitsch Williams uses in her writing is a poetic self-sabotage. Indeed, Car Wheels On A Gravel Road is not a timeless album, but time-full—saturated and drenched in a time just as it is in place and feeling.

The Importance of Taste: An Intro to Film & Music 2016-17

“

wait, you haven’t heard of

______? His/her/their new album is ______!”

“Don’t tell me you haven’t watched ______ yet!” We’ve all been there. Whether it be at a party or in the break room at your part-time job, there’s always that one asshole who makes you feel that way. That way where your stomach sinks, your palms sweat, and a whirlwind of panic ravages your mind as you try to find a way to escape what I like to call textbook “social alienation.” “Uh… yeah, of course! I _____.” You fill that blank space with necessitated bullshit, a short response filled with vague ad-

Film & music as social capital and what that can do for you

Joshua Kim | Film and Music Editor jectives and nouns. Sprinkle in a bit of feigned enthusiasm and most often than not, you have them beat—they actually believe that you watched that film or listened to that album and promptly carry on with another topic. You let out a mental sigh of relief. Checkmate. As he or she rambles on about a pet dog or a glorious break-up, you zone out for a second and let your mind ponder what just occurred. Why did that happen? Why is it that having knowledge or an opinion on topics of pop culture—particularly film and music—is such a weapon for the ones in the know and a knifein-back for the ones out of the loop? After nineteen years of fieldwork and personal experience, I think I have the answer. Film and/or music taste are social capital; the more you know and have an opinion about a new movie or an upcoming popular artist, the more you are able to

monopolize a social interaction. Simple economics. Like living in a capitalist world, I think that’s how it works—the rich in taste get richer and the poor stay poor. Your everyday knowit-all continues to steal the hearts of people of every party and break-room chat with his or her comments on the minimalist sound of Frank Ocean’s newest album and the pitfalls of the DC Cinematic universe against the backdrop of the more successful Marvel. The uninformed continue to be discouraged. This is where I hope this [Film & Music] section comes into play. The Strand’s Film & Music section seeks to help the uninformed become informed by producing relevant content on today’s film and music scene—both on a local and worldly level. We’re going to push for articles that educate without pretentiousness. From film/album reviews to informative event

updates, the Film & Music section will be the go-to armoury in equipping yourself with the resources to stay informed. We also want to entertain. Who said that educated content can’t be funny? We want to produce fresh perspectives that aren’t always conventional. Without getting too BuzzFeed-y, our articles will push buttons and make you think twice. We’re not trying to be saviours in white light. This section simply believes in the awesomeness of film and music that is MEANT to be shared. Everyone should have a taste of something that brings depth in art and colour in life without pressure or judgement. No sweaty palms, sinking stomachs, or impending whirlwinds of panic. We’re here to share and then let you enjoy, contemplate, and realize something new in two vast artistic avenues. That’s how a dialogue about pop culture is supposed to be.

Film & Music • The Strand

Wayhome daze Victoria Butler | Contributor The Wayhome Arts & Music Festival took place in Oro-Medonte, Ontario in late July of this year. A multi-day event that also entailed camping, food trucks, and art installations. This year’s lineup featured artists such as Arcade Fire, Vince Staples, FKA Twigs, Tory Lanez, The Killers, and the like. Here’s a recap of a day there.

What’s worse? A chance of a thunderstorm during The Killers or thirty-five degrees during The Struts? Neither are unbearable like we thought they would be.

2 3

Everyone loved everyone here. I never knew a place that could make people too happy to remember misery.

Whiskey-drenched psychedelics; complete with crowdsurfing and bumping into old flames during Salad Days.

4 5

Sangria is best made on a sweltering 10 o’clock morning: mix boxed wine with no name fruit juice. Serve until you run out of cups, then just drink white wine from the box and don’t tell your classy friends

The sunscreen melted but the boy from my hometown that made it big was on the stage. Who needs to breathe when you can dance?

Follow the boy with the camera on his arm and the flowers in his heart.

6 Photos | Victoria Butler

Stranded • The Strand

Welcome To Stranded, Everything Is Stupid Celeste Yim | Stranded Editor Dear Reader, The world is stupid. Your ex is stupid. Dog people are very stupid. Your ex was a dog person? Your ex is stupid. People should not value dogs before other people and you deserve better. Harambe memes are stupid, please stop posting them. Maybe you are a frosh and you are a little uneasy. Starting new things is difficult and definitely stupid. Maybe you have just had the worst summer of your life. It shouldn’t have been and I’m sorry that it was; life is so unfair and so stupid. Maybe you have had the best, most European, greatest, happiest summer and you shared it with everyone on the stupid Internet and that is not only stupid, that is also very annoying and I did unfollow you. Systemic sexism in the workplace is stuuuupid. Donald Trump is super stupid! White privilege and Islamophobia are stupid. Fuckbois, care packages, UTSU incompetence, career paths, Areola crossword puzzles! Ohhhhh, they are all just so stupid as hell. People are stupid and they do stupid things. This year, Stranded is a place for acknowledging that people—and all the stupid things they do—are so, unbelievably stupid, and doing something about it. It is for angry satire, passive aggressive poetry, lewd illustrations, straight up ranting, and all the other things that help you feel a little better about how stupid the world really is. Welcome and thank you and, please, stop being so stupid. Love, Celeste Yim, Stranded Editor 2016/2017

UTSU Releases List of UTSU Fest Concert Performers Who Almost Agreed To Play UTSU Fest Concert 2016 As Some Kind Of Consolation Sam Mazzilli | Contributor Each year, University of Toronto frosh are forced to passively discuss who may be this year’s UTSU Fest Concert performer, a question eclipsed in apathy only by “How’s the dining hall food?” and “What do you plan on doing with that degree?” While we may never know the answer to such queries, we can unhelpfully provide a list of everyone who has turned down the opportunity! Despite aggressive disinterest, the UTSU has—at no one’s request— to release the list of musical candidates who rejected the UTSU’s pleas to headline UTSU Fest. We did not ask them for this list, they just thought it might be interesting and, according to them, they “need the press.”

thus far, will not travel ten blocks north to grace UofT campus (and we are mature and therefore not bitter!).

1) Kardinal Offishall, who agreed whilst still at the level of fame he had prior to being mentioned by Drake on Saturday Night Live. He promptly dropped out.

9) Just the drummer from Barenaked Ladies.

2) A collection of mothers performing that scene from Mamma Mia! where Meryl Street sings “Dancing” Queen” with all the Greek ladies of the island.

11) Every Team Canada athlete at Rio this summer under the age of 18, who, along with being younger and way more successful than all of us in general, are probably more musically talented, too.

3) A high school student wearing an authentic replica of the Ikea Monkey’s coat, who is easily mistaken for Macklemore in the “Thrift Shop” video but with visibly less confidence. 4) Daryl Hall, of Hall & Oates fame. 5) Drake, who literally performed voluntarily at Ryerson multiple times but,

6) A therapy puppy from those stress-relief exam-time sessions who, despite not being an actual puppy but rather a small, old dog, would have totally rocked that Front Campus stage. 7) Celebrity chef Lynn Crawford. 8) Kalan Porter and Theresa Sokyrka, winner and runner-up of Canadian Idol season two, singing exclusively their duet of “True Colours,” which Wikipedia has called “arguably one of the most touching moments in Canadian Idol history.”

10) John Oates, of Hall & Oates fame.

12) Kardinal Offishall, but where he is both the opening and main acts and nobody knows why nor questions it. Let us know at stranded@thestrand.ca who should be asked—repeatedly, begged really— to play in next year’s UTSU fest! (Looking at you, Drake!)

Every Answer is Areola The answer to each clue is “areola”. Celeste Yim | Stranded Editor

ACROSS 1 - The larger outer ring of a nipple. 3 - Within it, it is natural for there to be small bumps. 5 - It can be darker when sexually excited. 7 - The singular form of “areolae.” 10 – Rhymes with “fareola.” 12 - Love isn’t real. 14 - You point to your nipples and say, “This is my _ _ _ _ _ _.” 15 - I heard Harry Styles has three. 16 - What do you want from me? 17 - Acronym for “Areolas Ruin Everything Outside Los Angeles 18 - Just write “Areola.”

DOWN 2 - For some people, it is light pink or dark brown. 3 - Pregnancy can make it bigger or darker. 4 - Why are there still Harambe memes? 6 - Frank Ocean did 9/11. 7 - The word areola. 8 - Hi mom! 9 - Areola is the answer. 11 - Life is suffering. 13 - Aloera spelled backwards.

Stranded • The Strand Stranded’s Frosh Guide to The Fuckboi-demic In First-Year Lectures Lucas Loizou | Contributor Throughout your university career, you will be exposed to many characters in your tutorial and seminar classes. While most are harmless and well-intentioned, one type of student always seems to slither his little, privileged buttocks into the seat in front of you to present his two cents every G-D day. This person, the one we all know and fear being associated with is The Fuckboi-demic. It is imperative to the completion of your degree that you be equipped with the tools to identify these vile people. They live among us, they speak unprompted about controversial issues without hesitation, they get higher marks than you. Stranded presents to you, dear frosh, a guidebook to help you differentiate the true academics from the fuckboi-demics in each of your first courses and interactions with them.

Ask a Magic Eight Ball Advice!

Course: What is Structural Inequality? Fuckboi-demic: Henceforth those who talk about their current status spend more time complaining than #doing. Stop playing the “race card.” Start seeing the truth, sheeple. Academic translation: The sustenance of hegemonic control and power is fueled by the inequalities that have founded its very existence.

for a $5, $10, or $15. #nohomo Academic translation: Predominant literature has defined sexuality as a spectrum, but what limitations does the spectrum impose on identity formation? Can we exist simultaneously disproportioned on either side of the spectrum? Course: Intro to Political Science Fuckboi-demic: You really think you can make a difference? Everyone has their price. Mine is $20 and three Natty’s! Jokes. #nohomo Academic Translation: It is our duty to critique our leaders under intense scrutiny, holding them accountable and shaming their oppressive policies and governance.

Course: Intro to Equity Studies Fuckboi-demic: PC culture is just another way for the leftist agenda censor and control freedom of speech. I should be allowed to say purportedly “racist,” “sexist,” “classist,” “ableist,”,“homophobic,” “transphobic,” and any other kind of “oppressive” rhetoric that “I” see “fit.” Academic translation: We are entering a period were politically correct culture has begun to mobilize a common and progressive discourse among the younger generation, where those who were once relegated to the fringes of society are now being heard, accepted, and celebrated.

Editor’s Note: This is just a guess. We have no idea what the fuckboi is talking about.

itor

Course: Intro to Gender and Sexuality Studies Fuckboi-demic: I don’t know if I believe in that Kinsey scale because it says I’m a 5, but I would never suck a dick. Not

BONUS!: An Activist Rally You and the Fuckboi-demic Both Happen to Be Attending Fuckboi-demic: [screams] Life is an illusion. I am an illusion. You are an illusion. Life is meaningless! Academic translation: The possibility of change spurs at the moment of potentiality?

a Str

Dear Magic Eight Ball, I just started seventh grade and I have a big crush on a boy in my third period physics class. He wears Red Hot Chili Peppers t-shirts and I think that that is very amazing. I am thinking of asking him on a date, but I’m scared he doesn’t even know I exist and I have a weird feeling he will scream at me if I talk to him. What do you think about me asking him out? Nervously, Phrightened_Physics_Phemale e Celest

| Yim

Dear Magic Eight Ball, It has been forty-seven years since my high school sweetheart, Sarah, and I were betrothed, surrounded by our many brothers and sisters (twenty-six to be exact!). We have since together produced sixteen beautiful children, all named after Republican presidential candidates. (My Sarah loves politics!) Lately, as I look forward to my first retirement vacation with my thirty-ten (little Newt Jr. is on his mighty way!!!) grandchildren, my forty-seven-year-old secret is bubbling up inside of my giant, Jesus-loving heart. I have been having an emotional (and physical) affair for forty-eight years with Sarah’s eighth brother, Rand. What should I do? Sincerely, MormonMoron483

Without a doubt.

Dear Magic Eight Ball, I think I might be gay. What do you think my family will say? Love, Linda392 Yes.

Try Again Later.

Astounding! Very Excessively Loved Frosh Girl Receives Thirty-Two Care Packages Signed, “Love Mom!” Kate Stoehr | Contributor VICTORIA COLLEGE, TORONTO – Residents of MA 6 woke up early Thursday morning shocked to find their floor mate, Sarah, had received seven new care packages from home overnight. “We started counting on Tuesday, and since then there have been thirty-two packages,” says next-door neighbor, Leya. “Care packages are normal I guess, but I think her mom shipped her a full living room set.” Neighbours across the hall report seeing packages of embroidered throw pillows and area rugs spilling out of

Sarah’s dorm. “The fourteenth package was delivered by a full mariachi band,” says Daniel, the third-year polisci major from down the hall, “and they were authentic, too.” Since the mariachi band, the packages have only become more alarming. Some students’ accounts state that, by the sounds of it, the contents of the packages may be living animals and a high-profile event catering service. The campus mailman is currently on strike, demanding a raise and a change in benefits if he is to continue delivering Sarah’s mother’s packages.

Dependable Lies To Use In The Next Fifty Games of Two Truths and a Lie This Afternoon

New Study Finds Causal Link Between Field of Study, Sandwich Habits

Kate Stoehr | Contributor

Katrina Li | Contributor

Editor’s Note: Inspired by the author of railroadsoftware.tumblr.com

“Listen, I’m a nice guy. I like my job. But if I could kill a woman, it would be Sarah’s mom.” By far the person most upset by this downright sadistic onslaught of packages is Sarah. “I don’t understand why this is happening. I haven’t spoken to my mom in years. I actually don’t know how she got this address. If she knew me at all, she would know how much I hate throw pillows and livestock.” Presently, Sarah is looking into changing dormitories to hopefully throw her mother off track.

1) I can play two musical instruments. 2) I have a sister. 3) I’ve been to four continents. 4) My favourite ice cream flavour is 100% mint chocolate chip. 5) I’m fluent in French, German, and Cantonese. 6) I have a good sleep schedule and a balanced diet. 7) I definitely do not miss my mom. 8) I had a lot of friends growing up. 9) My relationship with my dad is, like, really good. 10) I am, by no means, afraid of the toaster. 11) I haven’t thought about The Accident in years. 12) I sweat a completely normal amount. 13) Going to the bank does not make me nervous. 14) This is not my first time on “Earth.” 15) I enjoy salad. 16) I know who Al Gore is and I understand his importance. 17) High school was good for me.