[Issue 60.5] Inevitable: Death and Rec Centers Letter from the Editor
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n Tuesday and Wednesday of this week, students will have the opportunity to vote for the construction of a proposed recreation and wellness center on the lower part of campus. It is arguably the largest decision given to the students since the student body voted to build the University Student Union nearly 40 years ago. It is hard to imagine this campus without the USU in the heart of it – a bustling hub of napping, billiards, and sandwich making, as well as the home of the Union Weekly – and the students of 1965 made the correct decision in having it built. To this day, we still pay the combined ASI/USU fee as part of our tuition to help continue funding the day-to-day operations of the USU, and no one bats an eye; it’s simply become an accepted part of our tuition. So why is it that people have recently begun making such a big deal about the rec center’s proposed fee? In the February 21, 2007 issue of The Daily 49er (you know, the other newspaper on campus), the “Our View” column titled “Don’t vote – at least not for rec center,” the editorial staff asserts, among other asinine arguments, that we cannot predict how future students would use the rec center, and that it is not our right to approve funding for a project that future students will have to pay for. The decision, they say, will stick “the newcomers with the expensive bill of a huge new complex that they may not have wanted.” Take a moment and think about who would be at fault in this situation. Would it be us, the students who act in the best interest of the campus and approve the construction of the rec center, as The Daily 49er implies? Or, would it be the dumbasses that apply to, and attend a school where they’ll have to pay for a rec center, and then bitch about it? Any “future student” is going to be taking the rec center into account when making their decision to attend CSULB, and I hate to break it to you, ‘Niner, but I seriously doubt that it’s going to turn off many, if any, students. It’s more likely that the rec cen-
ter is going to be one more thing that puts our campus “among the nation’s best.” But what about that small majority of “future students” who don’t want to pay for the rec center? I say, “tough shit.” If future students don’t want a rec center, then they can go to some other school. Or can they? Currently, CSULB is only one of six campuses in the nation with 25,000 or more students without a rec center, meaning that if these hypothetical “future students” turn to any other campus, they’re going to be faced with virtually the same situation. Rec centers are becoming essential – and inevitable – parts of a modern college campus, and the incoming classes of “future students” are well aware of this fact. The Daily 49er also cites the results of a 2005 survey conduced by ASI that surveyed students’ level of interest in building a rec center, and how 1,000 online votes were placed fraudulently. The Daily 49er asks: “Who knows how the one-in-eight invalid votes artificially inflated the survey?” Well, the answer is fairly obvious to anyone on this campus without their heads completely up their own asses, as the 1,000 votes in question were placed in opposition to the rec center. The survey still had an overwhelming majority of students voting for a rec center, with the 1,000 votes majorly deflating the actual results of the survey. Even one-in-eight manipulated votes couldn’t silence the call for a rec center. The construction of a recreation and wellness center is so vital to our campus’ emerging sense of community that any opposition to it must be regarded as ignorant, selfish behavior – the philosophy of “if I can’t have it, then no one else can.” I have yet to hear a single valid complaint against the construction of the rec center that completely outweighs the immense benefits it will bring to our campus. When you go to the polls this week, just remember that a “no” vote does not only hurt the future of CSULB, but it also means that you’ll agree with The Daily 49er. And no one wants that.
–Brian Dunning brian@lbunion.com
By Katie Wynne
Pisces (Feb. 20 - Mar. 20)
Bob Dylan once said that, “All the truth in the world adds up to one big lie.” This week think about what he is talking about. Watch the news, stick a peace patch onto your purple backpack, stop showering, tell everyone they have been taken over by “the man,” damn Target and chain stores for the fall of freedom, highfive a homeless person, and then when he asks you for change hand him a can of lima beans.
Aries (Mar. 21 - April 20)
Coming off of last week’s success you will be especially surprised to find that this week that Man vs. Wild’s advice about eating a raw robin’s egg isn’t such a good idea. As it turns out he was right about a bear stalking you. Good day this week will be Saturday when you remember you live across the street from a 24-hour Community Hospital.
Taurus (Apr. 21 - May 21)
This week you will have four good days followed by one great day minus three iffy days, that could also be considered wet days, divide that by 7 days (you know, because that’s how many days are in a week), and that should leave you with 2/7ths of a day. It’s going to be a good week, if not a short one.
Gemini (May 22 - June 21)
Sigh. No one even reads these horoscopes. I’m so depressed. So I can’t read the stars. Fine. Can’t you just take these as cute, little, ancillary moments before the rest of the paper? Sigh. I didn’t think you would.
Cancer (June 22 - July 22)
You didn’t listen to a thing I said last week.
Leo (July 23 - Aug 22)
Leonardo Da Vinci is celebrated most often for his achievements in painting, having created both the “Mona Lisa” and “The Last Supper.” However, he also made many important discoveries in the areas of anatomy, astronomy, and civil engineering. Leo once said that, “Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.” So Leo, you are in good company.
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Moon Editor
Virgo (Aug. 23 - Sept. 23)
5 c. rhubarb, diced 3 c. sugar 1 sm. pkg. strawberry Jello Combine the diced rhubarb and sugar and let stand overnight. Next morning simmer this mixture for 1015 minutes. Stir in package of Jello. Pour into jam jars and freeze when jam cools.
Libra (Sept. 24 - Oct. 23)
Your word of the week is ABNORMOUS. Your smell of the week is grape toothpaste. Your song of the week is “Train in Vain.” Your good day this week will be the day you incorporate all of the above into that last minute essay that’s due on Thursday.
Scorpio (Oct. 24 - Nov. 22)
This week you will get caught singing Journey’s “Lovin’, Touchin’, Squeezin’” on the way to school by the guy driving next to you. The embarrassment will wear off when you realize that he is also rocking out to the same tune. Hair will fly, ladies will swoon, and you will both run that red light ultimately causing the traffic jam of the century.
Sagittarius (Nov. 23 - Dec. 21)
I would hide behind that fat guy in class if I were you. Otherwise you are going to get caught doing the crossword puzzle.
Capricorn (Dec 22. - Jan. 20)
Monday afternoon you will decide to take up clown walkin’. You will practice all week for your debut at the Gaslamp on Friday night. You will be a little nervous when you show up that night and there is a line of people waiting to get in, but you will take a deep breath and go in ready to stomp the yard. And stomp the yard you will.
Aquarius (Jan. 21 - Feb. 19)
You can no longer tell people that it is your “birthday month,” which means you will once again be paying for your own beer and burgers. That’s why you will make friends with a Pisces this week.
Long Beach Union Weekly • The Students’ Newspaper
Brian J. Dunning Editor-in-Chief Jeffrey Gould Mike Guardabascio Managing Editors Katie Wynne Associate Editor / PR Director Ryan Kobane Business Manager
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Katie Wynne Intune Director Mike Guardabascio Literature Editor Michael Pallotta Entertainment Editor Matt Dupree Music Editor Sean Boulger Calendar Editor Philip Vargas Illustration Editor Mike Guardabascio Shar Higa Anna Mavromati Copy Editors Brian Dunning Ryan Kobane Advertising Representatives Brian Dunning Jeff Gould Graphic Design
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Shar Higa On-Campus Distribution Drew Evans Off-Campus Distribution Michaël Veremans Foreign Correspondent Miles Lemaire, Dominic McDonald, Sean Boulger, Chris Barrett, Vincent Girimonte, Jen Perry, Dylan Little, Ryan ZumMallen, Katy Thomas, Katie Reinman, Kathy Miranda, Andrew Wilson, Victor! Perfecto, Jesse Blake, Christine Hodinh, Pete Olsen, James Kislingbury, Derek Crossley, Darren Davis, Jimmy Dinh, Annalisa Brizuela, Drew Evans, Wesley Whitehead, Steven Carey, Ryan Ortega, Charlene Galicia, David Faulk, Christopher Troutman, Cynthia Romanowski, Patricia Alonzo, Alan Passman, Jennifer Schwartz, Jackie Almeida, Anna Mavromati, Matthew Blanchett, Jason Oppliger
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The Union Weekly is published using ad money and partial funding provided by the Associated Students, Inc. All Editorials are the opinions of the writer, and are not necessarily the opinions of the Union Weekly, the ASI, or of CSULB. All students are welcome and encouraged to be a part of the Union Weekly staff. All letters to the editor will be considered for publication. However, CSULB students will have precedence. All outside submissions are due by Thursday, 5 PM to be considered for publishing the following week and become property of the Union Weekly. Please include name, major, class standing, and phone number for all submissions. They are subject to editing and will not be returned. Letters will be edited for grammar, spelling, punctuation, and length. The Union Weekly will publish anonymous letters, articles, editorials and illustrations, but they must have your name and information attached for our records. Letters to the editor should be no longer than 500 words. The Union Weekly assumes no responsibility, nor is it liable, for claims of its advertisers. Grievance procedures are available in the Associated Students business office.
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26 February 2007
News
NEWS You Don’t Know
DJ Quik Interview, Performance in ‘Myd Two Union Weekly staffers were given all access passes to last Thursday night’s DJ Quik performance in the ‘Myd, and were told to ask the questions everyone wanted to know. This is what they got.
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News Director
Union: Do you ever show up at a wack party and just start playing your own shit? Quik: Nah, I think that’s a little beneath me. What I do is show up and give a DJ some money to play my shit. Union: You make it out to Vegas this weekend? Quik: Sure did.
Photo By Ryan Kobane Photos By Ryan Kobane At Thursday night’s Homecoming pep rally, DJ Quik walked from the left of the stands to the right, never once forgetting to fully incorporate his fans.
Union: How was it? Quik: Partying, you know. Checking out all the parties and all the action in the casinos and whatnot. Spendin some money. Drinking big ol’ Mojitos, like 48 once margaritas, it was too much. I was drunk. Union: Last year you recorded a Live at the House of Blues album. Should we be on the look out for a Live at CSULB Homecoming album? Quick: I don’t know. I got to get warmed up to the people out here. I don’t even know if they like me. We’re going to see how the energy is out there. Union: What drink would you say goes best with your music? Quik: Drink? Union: Drink.
Quik: Probably uh… depends on what song. I got songs that accommodate drinks like Pierre Rose. Some Moet White Star for the ballers on a budget. And some records are just good ol’ fashion ol’ English 800 in a 40 ounce bottle. (Laughs) Union: Who would you like to work with that you haven’t worked with yet? Quik: I wanna work with Dr. Dre on that new Detox album, Dre call your boy nigga what’s up? Not playin now. This should be on You Tube right? Showin’ me spazzin out. No but realistically I love Gnarles Barkley, Danger Mouse, that dude is fuckin sick. After the interview, Quik finally gave the students what they came for, and after five energetic songs, and nearly twenty minutes, Quik was out.
Model United Nations Garners Recognition at Harvard By Cynthia Romanowski Contributor CSULB’s twelve member Model United Nations team traveled to the prestigious Harvard National Conference last week and took home their first award in five years. Junior International Student Guergana Angelova represented the socialist republic of Vietnam and was awarded an honorable mention distinction for her expert lobbying of resolutions in the Economic and Financial committee which focused on 3rd world debt. In Model UN, students are assigned countries and conduct extensive research in order to participate in simulation conferences and come up with realistic solutions to the world’s most pressing political issues. Harvard’s national conference draws over 2,500 students from around the nation and globe and is the oldest simulation of its kind dating back to 1954, only a decade after the creation of the actual United Nations. This year CSULB students made it through a rigorous application process, spent over two months preparing for the conference, hopped on the redeye to Boston only to be greeted by 16 degree weather upon arrival. “There were people there from everywhere in the world like Singapore and Indonesia,” said Angelova. “It was really stressful and
hard, but interesting. At the end you have 300 people that need to agree on one thing so it’s hard to make any drastic change.” According to CSULB’s Model UN advisor Dr. Larry Martinez, it was Angelova’s extensive knowledge of international politics that gave her the edge at the conference. “She was extremely skillful in her promotion of Vietnam as a regional power broker, which it is. And she was effective in bridging various regional coalitions. Plus she is an excellent public speaker who engaged the audience.”
Union Staffer
We have a real problem in this country that is illustrated by the missteps that got the US into the morass we call Iraq.
-Dr. Larry Martinez Model United Nations advisor When asked why more students should get involved with Model UN, Dr. Martinez had a lot to say. “We have a real problem in this country that is illustrated by the missteps that got the US into the morass we call Iraq,” said Martinez, “MUN is a very effective way to acquaint students with the real international world they will be spending their careers
It seems the Japanese are on a roll. Last week it was stem cell boobies, and this week researchers at Tokyo University of Science in Chiba have figured out stem cell teeth… but better. The researchers successfully grew mouse teeth in lab dishes and then transplanted them into mice. After transplantation the teeth perfectly reconstituted into the mice and continued growing as if they had been part of the host mouse all along. This marks the first time artificially grown organs have perfectly reconstituted into organisms with regularity. Because the only significant difference between mouse teeth and human teeth is the size and shape, this means that human teeth can similarly be grown and implanted in humans. Also, the teeth that were grown can be grown without the use of stem cells at all, and an adult’s own cells may even be used to grow the teeth. But, the most important findings of this study are in the details, details that will help pave the way for growing other organs for the purposes of transplantation. So, soon we’ll have replacement teeth, and by the time we’re old we probably won’t have to worry about wait lists for kidneys and livers as much. But, most importantly, fuck flossing. And especially fuck fillings.
Marc Bockman on the Streets Marc Bockman took to the streets, wanting to find out how students felt abou the Rec vote, and this is what he got. Actually when I was reading the pamphlet I thought that was kind of ridiculous. We already have a swimming pool that’s rather large and that doesn’t get a lot of use…I know they have open sessions for that and I’ve never been to it.
-Shane Reider Music major
In a crowd of over 2,500 students from around the country, Guergana Angelova used her excellent public speaking ability to take home CSULB’s first award at the Harvard conference in five years.
through simulation.” For more information on CSULB Model United Nations program visit csulb.edu/org/ mun/mun/html, or contact Kristen Goshert at csulbmun@gmail.com. Questions? Comments? Any questions can be directed to info@lbunion.com Or comment online at www.lbunion.com
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Hi 65° Lo 47° Hi 62° Lo 46° Hi 59° Lo 41° Hi 63° Lo 43° Hi 67° Lo 45° Partly Cloudy Showers? Sunny/Cold Sunny Sunny? 26 February 2007
By Chris Barrett
Of Mice and Mouth
By Ryan Kobane o say that the students were eager for DJ Quik’s performance would be an understatement. The chants started almost an hour into the Homecoming pep rally at 7:45 p.m., “DJ Quik, DJ Quik,” yelled the hundreds of CSULB students who were told the much anticipated MC’s show would soon take to the floor. Quik didn’t even show up until 8:45. By the time Quik was in the building, entourage entail, it was clear the students had had enough pep for one night; they wanted Quik. But to delay his performance for just a little longer, Quik was nice enough to allow for a short, but very interesting open interview for the Union Weekly, and other campus media. If there’s one thing you don’t do when walking into a locker room full of men hired to protect a super star MC is ask, “Can we just shoot?” And when you are abruptly given back an answer of, “Shoot what? Cause we shoot back,” don’t laugh. So here it is, the exclusive DJ Quik interview, Union Style.
But Should
Long Beach Union Weekly • The Students’ Newspaper
I’m already paying $40 a month to a gym that doesn’t even have all of that stuff….I think you’re getting a lot more than your paying for with the rec/ wellness center.
-Bobby Ortiz Music major There’s way too many fat chicks on campus; we definitely need it.”
-Anonymous Performing Arts program
Your Weekend Hi 70° Lo 46° Sunny/ Happy 3
[Sports]
The Dawn Of Tradition
On their way to the Big West Tournament as the #1 seed, this year’s Homecoming could prove to be the basketball program’s turning point.
Provided by Long Beach State Sports Information Department
Update
Baseball
Photos By Ryan Kobane The Union Weekly, (above, front and center) right where you need us. Bottom, from left: Sterling Byrd, Artis Gant breaking the century mark, Kevin Houston.
By Ryan ZumMallen
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Assistant Sports Editor
ike bland seasons and corny rappers, CSULB Homecomings come and go with little to distinguish one from another. For the most part, you can look back without being able to recall any significant differences. Basketball-wise, though, the ’07 variety could go down as the most meaningful Homecoming Day in years. It was the last Homecoming for nine 49er seniors. It marked a convincing 10272 victory over visiting UC Davis. It was one of the last games before the team heads into the Big West Conference tournament as the #1 seed, and the victory moved Long Beach’s record to 19-7, eclipsing last year’s win total of 18. Despite all of that, it may have been Larry Reynolds’ final Homecoming as head coach. Reynolds’ contract expires at the end of the season, and Athletics Director Vic Cegles will have to decide before summertime whether or not he will offer Reynolds the job next year. That verdict will conclude a five-year trial that has seen both positive peaks and cataclysmic valleys. While Reynolds has led his squads to a 37-19 record in the past two years, his first three years on the job amassed only a .250 winning percentage. In all fairness, Reynolds should have got
the boot following the 2004-05 campaign, in which the 49ers were 10-20 on the season. For whatever reason, he was retained after producing just 21 wins in three years. His teams have nearly doubled that total in the last two years. So what happened? Did Reynolds discover the perfect game plan or convince his players to buy into some sort of intricate master scheme? No, the transfers of Fall ’05 happened. Reynolds and his staff attracted an amazing recruit class, bringing the top junior college talent in the area to the CSULB campus. All of a sudden, a team with more fingers than wins was transformed into the most exciting, dynamic squad in the conference. Reynolds stepped back and let them do what they do, barely lifting a finger all season. The 49ers responded by leading the nation (yes, the nation) in scoring last year. Reynolds essentially rode his players’ coattails to achieve his most successful season on the Long Beach bench. The offense had little to no apparent structure, though, and the team collapsed against any opponent able to buckle down and defend isolations. This year has proven more of the same. Reynolds retained nearly all of his top players and handed them the reigns. His team is freakishly athletic and frighteningly potent, again among the nation’s scoring leaders. But none of those things reflect on the coach or his staff.
Saturday’s Homecoming game proved a perfect example. Undersized UC Davis was absolutely no match for the 49ers, who muscled their way to dunk after dunk and cruised to a twenty-five point victory. For the UC Davises of the world, that is fine. The problem is that when CSULB faces more talented, well-coached teams, there is no system in place to beat them. Nine 49ers graduate in May, which includes every starter and most of the regular rotation. Next year, for the most part, the 49ers will be young, inexperienced and without a solid game plan. Reminiscent of those first three abysmal seasons. Reynolds is a stand-up dude. He’s always willing to talk and quick to smile. I would love nothing more than to see him succeed this season. Come June, though, the university will have to decide whether or not to allow him another Homecoming. It will be hard to shun Reynolds after his last two successful years. But it will be harder to see the program suffer like it did from 2002 to 2005. Harder to see the stands empty, yet again. Harder to have to painstakingly rebuild for the second time in three years. Maybe that’s how Homecoming 2007 will go down. The year that Long Beach State basketball re-upped for a future of mediocrity, or the year they continued their winning ways and rid themselves of old demons.
Last week, the Dirtbags gave their Pac-10 opponents the proverbial business. Andre Lamontagne led the way on Tuesday against UCLA, picking up his first career victory in Long Beach’s 14-1 stomping of the Bruins. Lamontagne, who came in with an ERA at 10.12, retired four in a row twice, while giving up just one hit and walking another lowering his ERA to 4.50 with 3.1 scoreless innings, as five LBSU pitchers combined on a four-hitter. LBSU pounded out 12 hits, including three by Danny Espinosa, blowing the game open with eight runs in the eighth. AJ Pinocchio got The Beach on the board in the fifth with a two-out RBI single off of UCLA’s Justin Uribe, before reliever J.D. Haver walked the bases full only to unload two wild pitches to make it 3-0. LBSU then added three runs (one earned) in the sixth to lead 6-1 off of UCLA reliever Paul Schmidt. On Friday, Danny Espinosa drove in four runs with two doubles and Vance Worley picked up his first victory of the season, leading Long Beach to a 4-1 victory over the visiting California Golden Bears. Worley used just 92 pitches to go a seasonbest seven innings, giving up one run on five hits, before turning it over to Andrew Liebel in the eighth. Forty of Worley’s first 50 pitches were for strikes, as he struck out six on a cool night at Blair Field. Liebel used just nine pitches to retire the side in order in the eighth, before Bryan Shaw completed the five-hitter with a 1-2-3 ninth for his third save. Finally on Saturday, Jason Corder helped the ‘Bags finish the week long sweep, going 3-4 with an RBI as Long Beach extended their winning streak to three games, 8-3. Andrew Liebel went a career-high 4.2 innings for the win in relief, giving up just an unearned run on five hits. Liebel struck out three and walked none. Bryan Shaw got the final four outs for his second-straight save and fourth of the year. Robert Perry had two hits and drove in two in the fourth for LBSU. The Dirtbags took an early 3-0 lead with three runs in the second inning. An RBI single by Matt Cline started the rally, before a bunt single by Chris Nelson with runners on the corners, led to the second and third runs, as third baseman Michael Brady fired it into the right field corner to score Cline from first. Cal mounted a rally off of Liebel in the sixth, scoring an unearned run on an RBI single from Brett Munster, but Liebel struck out Brady to leave two runners on base in a 6-3 game. The Dirtbags leave for Arizona State on March 9 to start a seven-game road trip.
Softball
Long Beach State (4-8) had five doubles and a total of 16 hits in its 10-2 win over Siena College at the Aztec Invitational on Saturday evening. Bridgette Pagano improved to 3-2 on the season as she struck out five batters in five innings pitched, and Melissa DeMarco pitched two innings of relief in the win. Panita Thanatharn led the way offensively as she went 5-for-5 with three runs scored and two RBI, while Brooke LeSage went 2for-3 with four RBI. Stefanie Trutanic was 2-for-4 with two runs scored and Jessica Beaver belted two doubles while driving in two.
Track & Field
Brent Gray, Chris Richardson and Ronald Carter each earned all-conference honors at the Mountain Pacific Sports Federation Indoor Championships on Saturday, with Gray and Carter winning their respective events and Richardson finishing third. Gray tied his school-record in the 200-meter with an NCAA provisional time of 21.15, while Carter bettered his own school-record in the triple jump with a provisional mark of 52’7.25”. Jimmy Grabow, who joins Carter in his final indoor season, bettered his school-record in the 3000meter, finishing sixth with a provisional time of 7:59.40.
Continued on page 5
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Long Beach Union Weekly • The Students’ Newspaper
26 February 2007
[Sports]
Dennis “DJ” Johnson 1954-2007
F
ormer NBA point guard and So Cal native Dennis Johnson passed away at the age of 52 last Thursday. DJ was the head coach of the Austin Toros, the Celtics’ Developmental League affiliate, and passed away at practice due to an apparent heart attack. Born in Compton, DJ attended Dominguez High School but only played a few minutes a game as a senior guard. A coach from nearby Harbor Junior College saw him playing street ball, took notice of his tenacious defense, and DJ soon left his warehouse job for school.
Celtics.com/ Getty Images
“...the best I’ve ever played with” -Larry Bird on DJ
Helped by a growth spurt of seven inches over two years and 18.3 points per game, he led Harbor to a state junior college title, but received only two scholarships offers from Pepperdine and Azusa Pacific. He chose Malibu and averaged 15.7 points as the Waves made the NCAA Tournament. Entering the draft, DJ didn’t expect any team to be interested in him, but some Seattle scouts had witnessed him handle UCLA star guard Andre McCarter and looked into the “rough-and-tumble” guard. Drafted late by the Seattle SuperSonics in 1976, DJ got his chance in only his second year. The squad promptly made the NBA Finals, losing to Washington, then making it again the next year against the same Bullets team. The second time around would be DJ’s time, dumping in 32 points in a pivotal Game Four and taking home the Finals MVP. Two years later DJ was traded to Phoenix for Paul Westphal. After a few years, he “tailed off ” and was traded to the Celtics, joining Larry Bird, Robert Parish and Kevin McHale. That core of all-time greats won two NBA Titles in three years One of the most memorable DJ moments was during Game Five of the 1987 conference finals against Detroit. Larry Bird anticipated an in bounds pass with seconds left and intercepted it along the baseline. Bird turned to the bucket and found DJ cutting down the lane. Everyone remembers Bird’s steal, and of course the accompanying radio playby-play, but it was DJ’s head’s up play to anticipate Bird’s anticipation and score the winning bucket that made it possible. DJ retired after 13 years in the NBA. The fivetime All-Star and three-time NBA Champ will soon be inducted into the Basketball Hall of Fame and be forever immortalized in basketball lore. ~JJ Fiddler
Continued from page 4
Update
Richardson, who led the heptathlon after day one, finished with a season-best 5363 points, also a provisional mark. Richardson is the first LBSU athlete to compete in the indoor multi-event in school-history. Jenessa Botello ran the third-fastest indoor mile in school-history, racing to a time of 4:55.90 for eighth place, while Alex Freitas missed the school-record in the 800-meter by .17 seconds, running 1:51.57, finishing second all-time. LBSU’s current long distance squad has now set eight of the 10 indoor school-records on the men’s and women’s side. The men finished eighth of nine teams with 50 points, while the women finished ninth of 10 teams with 15 points. With NCAA provisional marks, each athlete will be ranked according to their best mark on the season (check www.trackshark.com), and a set number of athletes will head to the NCAA Championships in Fayetteville, AR on March 9 and 10. Grabow is already headed to the event in the 5000-meter, as the program’s first indoor distance runner at the NCAA’s. Men’s Volleyball UC San Diego upset No. 13-ranked Long Beach State on Saturday evening at the RIMAC Arena, snapping the 49ers 10-match win streak against the Tritons. Game scores were 25-30, 30-23, 20-30, 30-27, 15-9. Paul Lotman and Norm Hutton led the 49ers with 16 kills apiece, while Teddy Liles had 12 kills hitting for a .526 clip. Dean Bittner chipped in nine kills as he hit .500 on the evening. Dustin Watten posted 12 digs while Conor Eaton and Michael Iandolo combined for 56 assists as they directed the 49er offense to a .339 hitting percentage. The two teams were neck in neck in game one until the 49ers used a late 4-1 run, capped by a Liles kill to give Long Beach State the 30-25 victory. The 49ers hit .407 to the Tritons .281. LBSU came back in game three as they pulled ahead mid-way through the set to earn the 30-20 win. The 49ers went up 21-15 after a kill by Lotman, and did not look back as a Hutton kill ended the set. The 49ers held off five game points in the fourth set but could not pull off the comeback as the Tritons posted the 30-27 win, forcing a decisive fifth game The 49ers are next in action on Wednesday, February 28 as they return to the Walter Pyramid to host UCLA at 7 pm.
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Long Beach Union Weekly • The Students’ Newspaper
5
Opinions
Point/Counterpoint: You Best Check Yourself, Lest You Rec Yourself, Son!
Sympathy Schmympathy By Derek Crossley Contributor My dad has no legs; For some reason this makes most people uncomfortable. Everyone always apologizes to me when they find out, or when I casually drop it into a conversation. “Derek, what do you want to do tonight?” “I don’t know, why don’t you decide? My dad has no legs.” “Oh no, I’m so sorry.” You see how it really comes in handy? I could go my whole life without having to make a decision again. But my dad’s lack of lower limbs never got in the way of us having fun. I mean we played a really boring game of tag sometimes, and whenever we played Frisbee, I had to chase that damn disk all over the hill. But we could pretty much do everything else a father and son are supposed to do. We went kayaking, camping, fishing, rock climbing, yes rock climbing. He would just perform pull-up after pullup. He climbed higher than any of the other dads; it was pretty embarrassing for healthy-legged individuals to be shown up by a man who was dangling by his fingertips. No one seems to laugh at our jokes either. When I’m ready to go, I turn to my dad and say, “Let’s roll.” His wheelchair always seems amused but no one else in the room is. When my dad and I have races, he always beats me on the downhill for some reason, but I usually crush him on the way back up. Some people might blame gravity for my losses but not me; I’ll take the responsibility. One Halloween I had no costume. I’d already been all the standard last minute ideas: a ghost, a hobo, a ninja, a pedophile. So I thought I had nowhere to turn. As I was rummaging through my garage looking for a lost suit of armor, or possibly a full Indian
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An Argument For a Recreation Center
An Argument Against a Recreation Center
By Jennifer Perry
By Alan Passman
Union Staffer
Contributor
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here really isn’t a reason why CSULB shouldn’t have a rec center. You know we should have one, I’m just going to further convince you that you should vote yes. Every television, pamphlet, and light post on campus has given the reasons to vote yes, but have you actually considered your responsibility as a decision maker on campus? While harboring a sense of apathy created by the fact that the rec center doesn’t directly affect you, consider that the future generation of students will be thankful for your gift of a yes-vote for a rec center. If it weren’t for the generation before us deciding in our best interest, you wouldn’t be relaxing on the outdoor patio of the USU right now. So, why a rec center? To begin, we’re the only state school that doesn’t have one. Even a college in Alaska that’s one-third our size has one. The lack of a rec center is a direct contributor to our reputation as a commuter school. A rec center would not only ease the lack of community on campus, but would provide tremendous health benefits as well. If the referendum passes, the fee will be far cheaper than a gym membership and students would not only have convenient access to an exercise facility, but could also get assistance in creating and maintaining healthy lifestyles. With so many more activities to choose from than a standard gym, there’s sure to be a form of exercise to suit anyone’s tastes. For those of you who may have missed the memo, the rec center student fees won’t go into effect until 2010, the year the rec center is set to open. That means that unlike your 3rd grade fundraisers, you don’t have to do the work for (or in this case, directly fund) something you’ll never see. This will be paid for by those who will benefit from it. And since it will be a mandatory fee within tuition, it will be covered by financial aid. Not to mention the creation of more on-campus job opportunities for students. Health, fun, and community. What more could you ask for?
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ccording to the “Let’s Talk about Rec” website, most college campuses have a recreation center on site and there’s also a 54% push from our student body towards having one at CSULB. I am somewhat reminded of the only stellar scene in the film, Dreamcatcher. This, of course, is the scene where the boys first meet the alien, Duddits, in the form of a young mentally handicapable boy. Three young toughs have captured Duddits and are attempting to force him to eat dog excrement. When Jonesy, the hero, tries to step into halt such cruel proceedings, he is met with the following dubious statement from the leader of the gang: “He likes it, it’s what he wants.” We are Duddits and the rec center people are trying to feed us dog shit. The list of things that are usually included in a wellness center on the aforementioned dot com includes social lounges, juice bars, exercise/ weight lifting equipment and a whole other cavalcade of recreational delights. So the gym isn’t right by the arcade and you have to walk up hill a bit. Deal with it, fatty. That’s why you’re hitting the gym in the first place. Besides, we have two pools here at the Beach. The point is that we already have the majority of these on campus, why do we need it all under one roof? Secondly, where is the money coming from to pay for all this? Us. They build another parking structure with our money but on the side of campus where it isn’t needed. Sorry but we’re a liberal arts school. That’s ey right, engineers, you are the minorr a C en ity. If you spend your academic life tev S By near the LA buildings then you have n o ati nowhere close in proximity to park but if str Illu you inhabit our vestigial campus then you have places to park. Let’s not forget all the lovely wanton destruction—I mean, construction that is going on at Starbucks—I mean, the library. I don’t want more of these sorts of gripes; I just want to complain about the normal things like professors, dues and how cute the squirrels are. They are the real problems on this campus, let’s talk about them instead.
Questions? Comments? Jen Perry can be reached at: jen@ lbunion.com Or comment online at www.lbunion.com
Long Beach Union Weekly • The Students’ Newspaper
Questions? Comments? Questions can be directed to: info@ lbunion.com Or comment online at www.lbunion.com
26 February 2007
[Opinions]
Reply to Miranda Lomeli-O’Reilly’s “Who’s Really the Sexist?” (2/19) Random Rants! By Desiree Jeanine Giffard
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Special to the Union
exism: (noun) discrimination based on sex and especially against women. (From Merriam-Webster’s Notebook Dictionary, 1996). Miranda, don’t worry, I read your article and I’m here to help you out. You say “I know I can manipulate many situations basically because I have a vagina”. It’s true; you can manipulate situations because you have a vagina, but guess what…men manipulate way more situations because they have penises. A man is more likely to get a raise and promotion at his job if he lets his work know he is starting a family. If a woman tells the same thing to her company, she is more likely to get her hours cut. That penis straight-up manipulated. In another part of your article, you said you looked helpless by the air pump in order to get your tires filled. Okay, so you pretended to be a damsel in distress in order to get someone else to air-up your tires for you, even though you knew how to do it yourself. That’s not sexist—that’s just being lazy. If you want to use your powerful vagina, don’t use it for stuff you can do yourself. Women are extremely powerful creatures. Because of the glass-ceiling, the wage difference (we earn 77 cents to every dollar a man makes), and the other unfair discriminations we face, I believe we should use our vagina power without guilt. Don’t do it for air in your tires. Do it for something useful. Use your power to get into a club when you’re underage, to talk your way out of a ticket, to get free food, free
drinks, see a free movie, or go to a free concert. Men usually have sexual ulterior motives. If you talk to them and smile at them, they’re gonna buy you a drink on your 21st birthday, hoping to get something out of it. You were lucky enough to be born with a vagina—use it carefully; use it wisely. I don’t understand why it’s a sexist action not to wear a bra. Men would probably prefer that women not wear bras. Remember that scene in Anchor Man? “Maybe don’t wear a bra next time.” I’m a pretty full figured woman, and I like to wear bras because it really hurts when I don’t; I can’t have them painfully flopping around. But if you don’t like wearing them, and your boobs aren’t sore, then don’t wear a bra. More power to you. But you say you put on a bra to become “the object of some man’s desires”. You should plump your breasts up because you like looking at them. I look at mine like a hundred times a day. So is your boss a sexist? He doesn’t allow you to advance at your job, he talks down about women, and he thinks it’s a bad idea for women to be in charge. Yes, he’s sexist. I’m sure he’s pretty pissed that women can vote and he’s also mad about his micro-penis syndrome. Are you sexist? Do you practice discrimination upon a sex? From what you’re telling me, no, you’re just kind of lazy and a little insecure. We can work on all of these things in the Women’s Resource Center. Or just quit your bitchin’ and get back in the kitchen—just kidding. Fuck that article. Hope that helps answer your question. Questions? Comments? Questions can be directed to: info@ lbunion.com Or comment online at www.lbunion.com
On The Class Snorlax: Hey, Snorlax. Wake up. I’ve got a couple of things I’d like to say to you while you rub that sleep out of your eyes. I don’t know what your schedule looks like outside of here, but I do know that our class meets just once a week. So while you’re here, could you at least show the professor some respect by staying awake in class? Professor Jim Cross is quite possibly the best professor I have this semester, and is most likely going to be one of the ones that you’ll remember long after you’re done here, assuming you are able to stay awake during his lectures. So do us both a favor and try to get a little more sleep so you can stay awake during his class.
On Britney’s Non-Existent Hair: If you were at all interested in the ‘news’ that Britney Spears shaved her head, then I hate to break it to you, but you’re an idiot. You should go light yourself on fire and run into a wall or something. People all around the world shave their heads all the time, but for more logical reasons then an “emotional breakdown.” So what’s the big deal? I have emotional breakdowns before every test, but you don’t see it making headlines now do you? How about you go and get a life instead of contemplating the reasons why Britney shaved off her (trashy) hair.
-Annalisa Brizuela Upset About Something? Tell the world (or at least a few thousand students who may or may not give a shit). Send your one hundred-word rants to: erin@ lbunion.com and see ‘em in print.
-Wesley A. Whitehead
Sympathy... Continued from page 6 headdress, I found them: my father’s legs. I grabbed them, threw them over my shoulders like I was taking a toddler for a ride and headed out for a night of sucrose induced mayhem. I lived in a small town growing up, so most people knew each other. My dad had also been the mayor a once or twice, so pretty much everyone knew him. As I stopped at the first house, cartoon pillow case in hand, two legs dangling on my chest, I rang the doorbell. They answered and asked my friend and I what we were. My friend answered “Dennis Rodman” (It was the nineties, come on). I said, “I’m not dressed up I’m just taking my dad for a walk.”
To this they choked, spit, mumbled, grumbled, tried not to laugh, then tried to force a laugh, and failed on both ends. I’m pretty sure I walked away from that first house with an almost-full pillowcase. But to me it was life as normal. Everything is funny, whether it’s limbs being blown apart by rocket propelled grenades or the time my dad got cancer and they carved a two-inch deep, eightinch wide circle out of my dad’s back, which in my eyes made him look like a G.I. Joe. So next time you complain about anything, don’t do it to me, because I’ll just laugh. Questions? Comments? Derek Crossley can be reached at: derek@ lbunion.com Or comment online at www.lbunion.com
STUDENT RECREATION AND WELLNESS CENTER NOTICE OF ADVISORY STUDENT FEE REFERENDUM VOTER PAMPHLET AND COPY OF OFFICIAL BALLOT
VOTER INFORMATION
A fee referendum has been requested through the university’s Student Fee Advisory Committee by the University Student Union Board of Trustees (USUBOT). The advisory student fee referendum will be conducted to determine if a Student Recreation and Wellness Center will be constructed at CSULB. The fee referendum will be conducted on Tuesday, February 27, and Wednesday, February 28, 2007. Polls will be open from 9 a.m. – 7 p.m. and will be located at the Main Library, Bookstore, CBA East Walkway, West Campus Turnaround, VEC/SSPA area and at the Residence Commons. No campaigning, for or against the referendum, will be permitted within 50 ft. of the polls.
BACKGROUND
Over the past few years, the USUBOT and the Associated Students, Inc. (ASI) conducted a number of meetings and focus groups, as well as an online survey of the CSULB student body, to ascertain the students’ interest in a Student Recreation and Wellness Center. As a result of these actions, the USUBOT and ASI are proposing the construction of a 125,000 sq. ft. facility that will include such amenities as a large area for new weight lifting and cardio equipment; eight basketball, volleyball, and badminton courts; seven multi-purpose dance/ group fitness rooms for student group use; multiple racquetball courts; an indoor jogging track; a rock climbing wall; a juice bar; and lounge and an outdoor recreation swimming pool. The proposed Student Recreation and Wellness Center will also include programming elements such as new group fitness and aerobic classes; dietary, body fat, health and wellness programming; and guaranteed late night facility access with open gym time for all
students. The proposed plan will also double the Intramural Sports and Sport Clubs budgets, provide personal fitness training and student-run programs and services. The proposed fee would be an increase in the University Student Union fee of $110 per semester ($83 for summer students).
GENERAL INFORMATION Argument for a Fee Increase All currently enrolled CSULB students will be allowed full access to the Student Recreation and Wellness Center without paying any additional fees for the facility. Students will not have to pay the new fee until the year the Student Recreation and Wellness Center opens. CSULB students will have access to the same level of recreational opportunities as college students at other quality CSU and UC campuses. The Student Recreation and Wellness Center will provide employment opportunities for approximately 300 CSULB students.
Argument against a Fee Increase The current campus recreation facilities and wellness programs for students are sufficient. The proposed fee would be another fee increase during a period of continued fee increases. Students can join health clubs and gyms in the community if they want additional recreation facilities. This notice is issued by the Student Fee Advisory Committee.
26 February 2006
Long Beach Union Weekly • The Students’ Newspaper
7
Kwelling Me Softly
The Who @ Long Beach Arena
Monday26 The Faceless at the Whisky – 7pm $12 Metal Skool at the Key Club – 9pm $15 The Who at the Long Beach Arena – 7.30pm $47-152 The Exies at the Whisky – 7pm $12
Hurley at Chain Reaction – 7.30pm $10 Celebrating the Life at the HOB Anaheim – 8pm $5 Comes with the Fall at Spaceland – 9pm $8 Rock Star Supernova at the Long Beach Arena – 7.30pm $45.0 Nels Cline at the Echo – 8.30pm $12 Army of Anyone at the HOB Anaheim – 7pm $20 The French Kicks at the Troubadour – 8pm $15
Wednesday28 Ludacris at UC Riverside – 8pm $30 Styx at the HOB Sunset – 8pm $60 Army of Anyone at the Key Club – 7.30pm $25
Thursday1 Dropkick Murphys at the Key Club (Morongo) – 8pm $35 State Radio at the Troubadour – 8pm $15 Eyes Set to Kill at the Whisky – 7pm $10 Groovaloo at the Luckman Fine Arts Complex – 8pm $30 Bob Seger at the Forum – 7.30pm $65 Cavil at Rest at Chain Reaction – 7.30pm $10 The Shys at the Coach House – 8pm $10 Josh Ritter at the El Rey – 9pm $20 Ricky Lee Jones at the Henry Fonda – 9pm $32 Ima Robot at the Glass House – 7pm $12 Army of Anyone at the Key Club (Morongo) – 7pm $22
Friday2 Snow Patrol at the Gibson Amphitheatre – 8.15pm $37.50 Alexi Murdoch at the El Rey – 9pm $14 Winger at Velvet Jones – 9pm $20 Metal Skool at the Key Club (Morongo) – 10.30pm $10 DJ Quik at the HOB Anaheim – 7pm $32.50 Kottonmouth Kings at the Key Club – 8pm $20 Clinic at the Troubadour – 8pm $20 Groovaloo at the Luckman Fine Arts Complex – 8pm $35 Snow Patrol (acoustic) at the Troubadour – 12pm $30 Calavera at the Showcase Theatre – 7.30pm $10
Saturday3 Catherine at Chain Reaction – 7.30pm $10 Dropkick Murphys at the Grove – 8pm $18.50 Midlake at the Troubadour – 8pm $10 Pilot Speed at Spaceland – 8pm $12 Dandy Warhols at the Wiltern – 9pm $25 DJ Quik at the HOB Sunset – 8pm $30 Kottonmouth Kings at the Key Club – 8pm $20 Dropkick Murphys at the Ventura Theatre – 7pm $25
Sunday4 Kittie at the Key Club – 7.30pm $17 Snowden at Chain Reaction – 7.30pm $10 A.F.I. at the Rabobank Arena – 8pm $29.50
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Photo By Brian Dunning
Tuesday27
Ben Kweller & Gomez at the Wiltern LG
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n American Idol and such “talent” shows, I get really annoyed whenever some poe-faced judge sits there with a dumb-founded expression and says, “I can’t believe that voice came out of YOU!” As much as you want to slap yourself for watching said show, or the judge for making such an obvious and obnoxious statement, the comment is usually rooted in the harsh truth that the person looks like they hit every branch of the ugly tree when the stork dropped them as a baby, or that they have the “voice” but they will never have the right “look.” With Ben Kweller, it is charming that his elfin stature and large Barbra Streisand locks (circa Meet The Fockers) perfectly match his child-like, delicate but enviable vocal style. He can get away with lyrics about girls he might like, his family, and day to day commonalities that most people wouldn’t give a second glance, but that he documents in such a way to make it poignant and beautiful. “Butterflies are passive aggressive, and put their problems on the shelf, but they’re so beautiful…” Exactly. David Attenborough couldn’t come up with that. I hadn’t been to the Wiltern before, and it was a thoroughly pleasant surprise to walk into such an ambient and cheery scene. It was even better walking up to the stage to the tragically hip “Subterranean Homesick Blues” only to be followed by the Flaming Lips’ should-have-been-seminal-but-largely-unknown “She Don’t Use Jelly.” Kweller’s debut album Sha Sha got an early showcase with “Walk On Me,” “Commerce, TX” and “Family Tree” which Kweller, in a modest delight, dedicated to his Mom and Dad. Even the tormenting artistry of “On My Way” (performed as a faultless acoustic) didn’t detract from the
overall knowledge that Ben Kweller is an optimist, and his music that could be criticized for its simplicity (especially in comparison to clear influences such as Bob Dylan), is uniquely Ben Kweller because of the personal voice and clear autonomy of his work. A mention must also be made for the lighting set for Kweller’s sixty-minute performance, which flooded the stage in shades of hazy red, green and blue. For tracks where Kweller’s bassist and drummer left the stage, the spotlights rested on the maestro who evoked an intimacy with the crowd that made you forget that you were in a room with any other people. In the Brit-Pop scenario, Oasis, Blur, Pulp and Bush have prominent roles, and Gomez would certainly have a place among them. In that sense, I feel inept as a fan of this musical era having heard only one Gomez album out of five that span a recording career of almost nine years. Sharing the vocals between three members of the band made the set lively and fresh, the crowd sang along to every word of the songs, from old favorites to their new single “How We Operate” from their most recent album of the same name. Considering the longitude of the band, they were clearly excited to be playing live and mixing up the set with new and old material. My only criticism of the evening would be the lengthy sets of both co-headlining artists. After Ben Kweller’s set it felt as if you had already bore witness to the main event only to have another ninety minutes of Gomez, but maybe that’s just my difficult student timetable catching up with me (clearly I jest…).
-By Katy Thomas
Portishead: A Timeless Joy For those who have stood faithful to the remarkable efforts of trip-hop group Portishead, good news has arrived. It’s been sixteen years (count ‘em) since Portishead was formed and out of this miraculous birth, 2 exceptional albums have been produced along with a surreal live orchestra performance on DVD. While it’s been ten years since their last album, self-titled Portishead, 2007 anxiously awaits the arrival of their third project, sluggishly “progressing upwards,” according to the blog of keyboardist Geoff Barrow. The creation of a third album could do either one of the following: it could surpass the expectations of any true trip-hop fan or it could prove to the entire trip-hop community that Portishead has become only a shadow of their former selves. Whatever the outcome, their release of a third album is definitely long overdue. The sound of Portishead’s music is a unique assortment of jazz tones, hip-hop beats, funk samples and distorted guitar riffs to fit, not to mention, the enigmatic feature of the voice that corresponds—an arrangement of break beats and bass lines better known as trip-hop, a label the band themselves dislike. Yet, along with fellow trip-hop artists Massive Attack and Tricky, Portishead continues to pave the way for upcoming artists, preserving their status as pioneers and allowing trip-hop to become bigger than ever imagined. Portishead creates a dark, ethereal, strange but beautiful atmosphere with
Long Beach Union Weekly • The Students’ Newspaper
the sounds they produce. Beth Gibbons, the singer, contributes her sweet, soothing voice, occasionally tweaked into an awkward, quivering, tone that immediately sends chills down your spine. Gibbons resounds her eccentric voice with lyrics that express pain and loneliness so perfectly, you’ll begin to appreciate heartache. To match up the vocals, multi-instrumentalist Geoff Barrows uses his musical genius to combine symphonic melodies, old school samples, roaring bass movements and traditional instruments like you’ve never heard, in a fusion of warm, fuzzy, goodness. And last but not least, Adrian Utley and producer Dave Mcdonald craft obscure guitar riffs into bizarre, intensifying degrees of rawness, undoubtedly leaving you wanting more. The noise created by this revolutionary band is not just a peculiar voice by a shadowy woman or a careless blend of random instruments. This noise drives an emotion, it generates an ambiance of individuality and it makes you feel, well, really, really good. Portishead’s music is an ode to jazz, to hip-hop, to funk, to the 60’s, to heartache, to curiosity—Portishead is an ode to music and to life, and if you haven’t put on their music by now, I suggest you get your head checked. But for those who are listening, grab your cigarettes or your glass of wine, turn your lights down low, and experience the wonder of Portishead.
-By Kathy Miranda
26 February 2007
By Drew Evans
Infinitely Disappointing
Polyvinyl Records
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o let’s put context aside for a moment. Forget what you know about Fall Out Boy’s “frontman” and silent scribe Pete Wentz. The prodigious profligacy, the penchant for online penis-picture posting, the books he’s written, and the fact that he’s almost thirty (I know...). Ignoring the baggage and taking only the lyrical evidence into account, doesn’t our boy begin to look a little bit like his professed hero, Morrissey? Of course with Morrissey we can see the smirk, we’re in on the joke. But let’s steer clear of the intentional fallacy and the fact that Wentz is so obviously earnest in his asshole-ness. All else aside, isn’t there something oddly compelling about the level of self-involvement going on here? Well, honestly… no, not really, no. And it’s too bad, too, because Fall Out Boy’s new album Infinity on High is full of moments, as on opening track “Thriller,” where the band – especially lead singer and melody man Patrick Stump – soars. Fists pumping, guitars throbbing and weaving, Stump’s voice somersaulting over scales and up toward the heavens. It’s fantastic, transcendent almost. That is, of course, if you can turn a blind eye to the sub-adolescent garbage coming off of Wentz’s pen. He even stinks when his words are borrowed, as when he seemingly randomly tags the line “He tastes like you only sweeter” from the movie Closer onto the end of the chorus on “Thnks fr th Mmrs.” The only fault I can find in the rest of these guys is that they go along with him. That and their including piano snoozer “Golden” as a centerpiece of the album. But let’s go ahead
26 February 2007
and pretend that was Wentz’s call, too. It’s a shame, but it seems that Infinity on High is about as far as Fall Out Boy are going to get in their current incarnation. Here’s looking forward to a Patrick Stump solo album.
-By Drew Evans
I never thought being 13 could last so long. I guess I always thought the middle school look on life that was so near and dear to the hearts of KROQ’s mass of bitches in perpetual heat would eventually die off, but lo and behold, the beast breathes. Fall Out Boy is the ultimate testament to this. With Infinity on High, FOB (tee-hee-hee) have successfully proven that America has no soul. When pig-shit like this is garnering “music” magazine cover stories that don’t revolve around a celebration of the rape/ murder fantasy they were all on the receiving end of, something is very wrong. Their music is terrible, revolving around watered down Blink 182 song structures and lyrics that, if it weren’t for my sneaking suspicion that the singer is severely retarded, would drive me to kill everyone around me and then myself just to spite their quasipositive message. If its true that “This Ain’t A Scene, It’s an Arm’s Race,” then their secret weapon is a dud that gives everyone AIDS. And no, not in a “this is really catchy” way. Fall Out Boy causes AIDS. Around my fourth aneurysm, I discovered it simply wasn’t worth it, shut off the CD (promptly giving an angel its wings). It was the worst birthday ever. -By Eric Bryan
Though I might be tempted to call an album of glittery, uptempo disco about existential and emotional crisis obnoxiously ironic, Of Montreal’s Hissing Fauna, Are You the Destroyer? never lets you take it any way but seriously. Frontman/one-manband Kevin Barnes understands that dance music is not necessarily happy music, and here explores both the delightful and the dark sides of the discotheque. The follow-up to 2005’s The Sunlandic Twins, Hissing Fauna is a largely autobiographical story of a year of depression and isolation that Barnes spent in Norway. The album opens with “Suffer for Fashion,” where the narrator begins to see through the superficiality of life in the dance club. His disillusionment grows to the album’s peak, “The Past is a Grotesque Animal,” a twelve-minute wrestle with self-worth. The
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music here hardly deviates from its initial minor-key, paranoid shuffle, with Barnes (mostly) abandoning his normal multitracked vocals to contribute to the track’s desperation. From here on out we see the narrator coming to terms with himself. Whereas earlier he lamented the inevitability that “physics makes us all its bitches,” he now seems to take comfort (on closing track “We Were Born the Mutants Again With Leafling”) in the scientific determinism of “Our particles…in motion.” And the ride between is a joy, from the whiteboy-soul strut of “Labyrinthian Pomp” to the sugar-high self-pep-talk of “Heimdalsgate Like a Promethean Curse.” In the end Barnes’ narrator, as best as one can, has come to embrace insignificance—and he makes it sound pretty good, too.
-By Drew Evans
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tech
GEAR+GADGETRY=$ E Seven years into the new millennium E K + E N Sony Reader T E R T Red One Digital Camera A I N M E N T and what do we have to show for it? A whole bunch of awesome
techno-gadetry that 90% of us can’t afford, that’s what. But we can dream, can’t we? Here’s some of the coolest entertainment related tech that we’d have to knock off a bank to have. By Jeff Gould + Katie Wynne
iPhone
iPod, mobile phone, PDA, and Internet all on one sweet-shit, Apple-designed device? Rad. Oh, I could have that or almost a thousand cans of Bud Light? Crap. Now that’s a decision to think long and hard about. With the top of the line unit weighing in at $600 before you even start to think about buying the Cingular / AT&T service plan that will kick this baby into gear, the iPhone is definitely out of my price range. That is, of course, if I don’t take some drastic measures like joining AA and selling my soon-tobe-useless liver on the black market. Maybe a kidney would be a better option, I’ve got two of those. As far as I’m concerned, there are no lengths too far to go for this god among consumer electronics. With its full color display, multi-touch touchscreen technology, and 6 Gigabytes of photo and music storage goodness, the iPhone is my spare kidney’s worst enemy.
Not quite sure what book to take with you on that trip to New York? With the Sony Reader you can take 80 books in one 9 ounce, 1/2 inch thin wonder toy (of course you can take more titles with the help of a memory stick)! There already over 25,000 books available at the eBooks online store for download, which means you can enjoy Pride & Prejudice over and over and over again. In fact, you don’t even need to worry about changing out your battery. The Reader’s battery stays charged for over 7,500 page turns, which is about 25 novels. If you are an English major, you may be feeling a little skeptical of this whole thing. “I want to hold the hard-cover copy in my sweaty hands!” you might say. I am not saying to stop buying normal hard copies, but just imagine carrying around an entire library in the palm of your hand. Plus, the Reader uses E-Ink technology that boasts paperlike quality so it is the closest thing to Penny’s computer comic book thingy from Inspector Gadget. The best part is that this marvelous thing can be yours for only $350.
I’m not even sure what this thing does, I just know I want one. The Red One Digital Cinema Camera is one of the most impressive innovations in photographic technology since the digital camera was released. With it’s 12 Megapixel CMOS sensor, the Red One will be capable of producing high quality digital video with 4x4x4 color at resolutions of up to 4520 x 2540. From what I hear, this is pretty impressive. One thing that has been keeping many feature films from being shot in digital has been the lack of equipment capable of producing the quality of recording that digital film requires. This could be the answer. At a base price of about $18 grand, many are calling this a consumer product that will open up the world of high-quality movie making to the masses. While I’ll never have a good enough excuse to spend $18k on a video camera, that sure won’t stop me from having wet dreams about it. The Red One’s modular design makes it great for everything from handheld shooting to steady-cam and crane type shots, making it perfect for filmmakers with small and large budgets. You know what that says to me? We are at the dawn of an era where cinema quality porn will reign supreme!
26 February 2007
BOX
SLING
Okay, well I could almost afford this thing. If I didn’t buy that $170 history book I could have bought the bottom of the line slingbox and tuned it to the History Channel instead. What’s a slingbox? Where have you been bro? The slingbox is rad, you just hook it up to your tv and it streams whatever’s playing to your web-ready mobile phone, PDA, or computer anywhere in the world! Not only that but it lets you control your tv FROM ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD! Besides being a rad parlor trick, this basically means that you can take your TV with you anywhere you go, without the hassle of dragging around an 80lb CRT, your cable box, a gas generator, a sattelite dish, and all of the requisite cabling to plug it all up with.
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Xeroxed Blockbuster Gold By Darren Davis
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ne day, back at the turn of the millennium, Hollywood ran straight out of ideas. As the story goes, witnesses recall hearing a large groan tumble down Sunset Strip, and industry executives poured out into the street looking around at one another, mournfully perplexed. Studios locked their gates, movie stars retired to their penthouses, some even say Burbank began to sink into the ground. For a while, there was chaos. Thus began the golden age of the sequel. This generation has long been exposed to sequels of all sorts, from economically viable follow-ups of blockbusters such as Shrek, Spider-Man, and Saw, to unnecessary rehashes of already bad movies like Big Momma’s House, Legally Blonde, or Dirty Dancing. On a wide scale, original filmmaking has long bit the big one; its last dying breath was the year 1999, when a brief creative influx gave birth to films such as The Matrix, American Beauty, Being John Malkovich, and The Sixth Sense. In the new millennium, serial filmmaking is simply the status quo. Within the last couple of years, however, Tinsel Town has been utilizing a different formula to turn out money makers. Instead of an expanding on already marketable names or characters by placing them in a sequel, studios have begun to remake already existing movies. In 2005 alone, audiences were given a heap of these carbon copies. Remember King Kong, The Longest Yard, The Bad News Bears, House of Wax, The Fog, The Pink Panther, Assault on Precinct 13, The Amityville Horror, Fun with Dick and Jane, Guess Who, and Flight of the Phoenix? Yeah, pretty much. What do the above all have in common? They are American remakes of American films. What Hollywood really loves, what they can’t wait to get their little grubby hands on, is a foreign smash that can be made into a success in the states. Every year a dozen or so imports are translated, recalibrated, given some star power/product placement, and churned back out to the good ol’ American audience. A large number of people will never realize that many of the films they love are actually from across the border. Did you know that Cameron Crowe’s Vanilla Sky is based off of Abre Los Ojos, a 1997 Spanish film directed by Alejandro Amenabar and Mateo Gil? Probably. That seems to be common knowledge. But what about True Lies? Yes, the 1994 popcorn porn starring The Governator. It is based off of the 1991 French film La Totale! And I bet you didn’t know that the Jimmy
Fallon/Queen Latifah train wreck Taxi is a remake of a French film of the same name. And theirs was better. Want to know why? Because they made 3 more. Foreign remakes are even receiving Oscar nods, as in this year’s The Departed, directed by Martin Scorsese and based off of the Chinese smash Mou Gaan Dou (Infernal Affairs). Some remakes even spawn waves of others. Case in point: The Ring. Ringu, made originally in 1998 by Hideo Nakata, was a phenomenon in its native Japan. The rights were eventually picked up across the Pacific and four years later Gore Verbinski took the reigns on what would become an American hit as well. Aside from its own sequel, The Ring begat a whole wave of Japanese horror imports such as The Grudge and Dark Water. The Grudge in particular is fascinating because Takashi Shimizu, who directed the 2003 original Ju-On, was asked to helm the American adaptation a year later. By importing their original directors, it would appear that Hollywood studios acknowledge that foreign originals are superior to domestic remakes. Then the question must be asked: If they did it right the first time, why spend the money to remake it? Why not just release the original? It is true, studios have re-released foreign language films in the states, but in those cases it’s usually for novelty purposes, such as Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. The fact remains that foreign language films would not do well in the box office. However, this is probably due less to American’s refusal to read subtitles and more to the need to relate to a film on a cultural level. When a teenage girl sees Megumi Okina playing Rika Nishina run screaming through an absurdly haunted house in Ju-On, she might not fear for her as much as she does for Sarah Michelle Gellar playing Karen Davis in The Grudge. On a general, sociocultural level, people watch movies to see themselves in the characters, to relate to the setting in contrast to their own place in the world. The world outside a person’s borders, both physical and psychological, can be threatening. So when that teenage girl watches Sarah Michelle Gellar, the pretty white girl, being tormented in scary and unfamiliar Japan, there is a connection there that facilitates tension which, in turn, sells movie tickets. The world is getting smaller, but American audiences may never be able to appreciate a foreign language movie, which is a shame, because important things are being made overseas. So if you like a certain movie and see that it was first made abroad, make a point to check it out. And go rent Cache and Old Boy before the American versions come out. Seriously. Do it.
pull up a stool
with cynthia romanowski
Taco Surf When asking people which 2nd Street restaurant they visit the most, the answer is almost always Taco Surf, which makes sense. Cheap beer, huge portions and affordable prices make this no-frills Mexican restaurant a sure thing, especially when you’re looking for something simple and consistently good. With sawdust all over the floor, wooden booths that look like they date back to colonial times and beer advertisements everywhere, Taco Surf definitely has a laid back atmosphere. Originally established in 1988, Taco Surf has expanded to six locations, including Seal Beach and Costa Mesa. They carry over 20 combinations of all the traditional Mexican favorites, which run from $8-$9 and include rice and beans. They also have some good salad choices for you health nuts. Happy Hour is from 2 p.m.-6 p.m. Monday-Thursday (and from 2 p.m.-5 p.m. on Fridays), and features $1 tacos prepared eight different ways. Also during these hours of joy, 7 oz Coronas are $1.50 and Coors are only $2 (plus six other beers on tap). The best entrée at Taco Surf is the Pipeline burrito,
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but do try the tortilla soup. It has a slight spice to it that really warms you up and comes topped with gooey avocados. But back to the burrito: the Pipeline is Chipotle-sized and, like any other Mexican joint in southern California, comes smothered in a mild red sauce, sprinkled with cheese and served with shredded lettuce, fresh pico de gallo and sour cream. I recommend the asada for your choice of meat, which is simply strips of steak. Even though this choice may lack bold flavor, the soft texture of the beef more than makes up for it (plus you get all that crap on the side anyway). Overall, this is excellent choice when you’re sick of Panda Express and all those sandwich places we have on campus. And if you’re low on cash, the split fee is only a buck or two, so bring a friend and take advantage of the generous portions. 5316 E 2nd St. Long Beach 562-434-8646 www.tacosurf.com
Previews • Reviews • Release Dates
The Departed Limited Edition DVD Set
Director: Martin Scorsese Starring: Leonardo DiCaprio, Matt Damon, and Jack Nicholson Retail Price: $34.99 How could one of the greatest movies of the year get any better? Release it with an additional disc crammed with special features wrapped in a steel case. With the special edition disc you get three amazing documentaries and a handful of deleted scenes with commentary by the man himself, Martin Scorsese. Sit back, relax, and enjoy. The documentaries found on the bonus features DVD don’t follow the creation of the movie so much as they follow the world behind the lens. The feature-length Turner Classic Movies profile, Scorsese on Scorsese, follows the career of the man behind the camera through his own eyes as he looks back on the films that have led up to his current masterpiece, The Departed. The Story of the Boston Mob, unveils the real life South Boston underworld, which gave inspiration to the creation of the world of The Departed and its characters. The final documentary, Crossing Criminal Culture, is really the only one with any kind of ties to the actual feature, revealing how Scorsese’s life in Little Italy’s crime underworld has come to influence his latest creation. My biggest beef with the DVD involved the deleted scenes. The fact of the matter is, the nine deleted scenes you get with the package are subpar at best. Since obviously Scorsese never cut anything interesting from the film, there wasn’t much they could include except a handful of remotely interesting clips. To add to the aggravation of it all, you don’t even get right to the lackluster scenes because of the monotonous commentary of Martin Scorsese, who elaborates on every scene before you even see it. I’ve never found myself fast-forwarding through so much to get to so little. The best part about the Special Edition DVD has to be the movie itself. The rest is just the garnish on an already immaculate cinematic dish. If you haven’t already, run out and get one of the greatest movies of our time along with all the goodies that come with it.
–By Philip Vargas
This week I bring you some videos that defy description. Seriously, I should just post the links and not even bother. But that wouldn’t meet my word quota, and that would make my editor VERY angry, and you wouldn’t like him when he’s angry. Our first is a bizarre propaganda film for the Church of the Sub Genius (search YouTube for Sub Genius). While I usually don’t care for cults, the message behind the Church of the Sub Genius is one I can agree with. They believe that their members are superior to the rest of humanity, they worship money, and follow the teaching of “J.R. Bob Dobbs,” a ‘50s cartoon dad. Mostly a collection of nonsensical jargon and psychedelic looking old movie clips, this video looks like an acid trip gone wrong, but it’s mesmerizing. Next up is an Axe body spray commercial parody known simply as Axe (search Axe Joey David on YouTube). This video painstakingly recreates the Axe commercial feel with indie music (specifially Air) and babes chasing a man down. But these women don’t desire carnal pleasure, NAY, they hunger for something more corporeal. Just Wonderful (search Just Wonderful on YouTube) is a video that explores the mysteries of the human mind and a man’s slow descent into madness. It’s about a person who is scarred from misspelling “wonder” in a spelling bee. It’s cleverly acted and very professional considering it was made in just two days as part of a film festival. This video is really reminiscent of a Michael Gondry movie, with the visual cues and disjointed acting. Overall I’d say this video is just wonderful (hahah get it!). Lastly Miles Lemaire told me about Cong of the Dead (search Cong of the Dead on YouTube). It’s a fake movie trailer done in stop motion with G.I. Joe action figures. The plot is that the Viet Cong are turning into zombies and a few grunts have to stop them. Cong of the Dead is filled with hilarious throw backs to other zombie and/or Vietnam movies. The one-liners alone make this video a must-watch. I hope your mind isn’t too blown by all these crazy videos, or else you won’t be able to send me your favorite videos. And I met my word count, so my editor won’t hulk out and smash my computer… again. As always blah blah blah send to dylan@lbunion.com.
Long Beach Union Weekly • The Students’ Newspaper
–By Dylan Little
26 February 2007
Reel News Black Snake Moan R
Shit + Suck = 23! A Review of The Number 23
T
hey say that reading can change your life, but this movie proves that isn’t necessarily a good thing. In director Joel Schumacher’s The Number 23, a book has taken control of one man, placing him in an inferno of psychological torture. Talk about in-depth reading. Walter Sparrow (Jim Carrey) finds himself unable to put the novel “The Number 23” down. The book depicts detective Fingerling (also played by Carrey) and his obsession with the number 23. This fictitious novel starts mirroring Walter’s life, with moments that echo his own history. He begins to see the number everywhere and convinces himself that he is bound to commit the same horrific crime as Fingerling— murder. In order to continue with his future he must unlock secrets in his past and find the true meaning of the number 23.
26 February 2007
I’m really not a big Jim Carrey fan, but his brilliant acting in one of my favorite movies, Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind, encouraged me to see his latest movie. Even though his acting isn’t as spectacular, it’s one of the best things about this movie. I loved the fact that he played multiple roles, which allows the viewers to see the huge character difference. Not everyone can play both a normal person and an insane person, but Carrey isn’t half bad at it. All of the actors actually did a better than average job on their roles. Everything else, however, isn’t as good. As the movie ended and the credits began to roll I felt like I’d been tricked into watching this movie. I was truly hoping for that point in the movie to reveal this dark, mysterious secret about the number 23. Unfortunately for me, the number 23 ended up being just a number, which doesn’t make too good of a movie. I think there was a committee for this movie, which did nothing but come up with ways to add, subtract, and divide numbers to result in 23. I get it, if a movie is named The Number 23, then it has the right to place the number in the movie, but there is a limit. That limit was reached halfway through the movie. After that, all I wanted to do was scream at the top of my lungs,“stop with the fucking number already!”
Besides the number problem there is also a small plot problem. The fact that the story line is crazy and unrealistic is a downer. I know this movie is not a true story, but to think someone could go crazy over a number is just stupid. Plus, in the last thirty minutes you get thrown into this spiral of revealing facts, and uncovering secrets, which is pretty ridiculous. It’s not confusing, it’s just not interesting after so much drama. Not to worry, though, because it all gets solved neatly before the end of the movie. My last problem with this movie is all the writing on the walls. I mean, it’s just too cliché for a drama/thriller. I guess nothing says “I’m crazy” like writing on walls or on your body. Paper exists, people. You can always write on that. And you could start with writing a better movie.
-By Patricia Alonzo
Photos Courtesy of New Line Cinema
Long Beach Union Weekly • The Students’ Newspaper
Bound within the backdrop of a small Tennessee town, a story of fear and desire unravels between two unsuspecting strangers. As the sex-driven Rae (Christina Ricci) finds her life coming to an interesting crossroads, beaten and nearly dead on the side of the road, an ex-blues guitarist, Lazarus (Samuel L. Jackson), saves this fallen soul. As Lazarus holds Rae prisoner he attempts to rescue her from the path she finds herself on, no matter what the cost.
Zodiac R
From the director of Seven and Fight Club comes a story based on the actual case files of the vicious Zodiac murders. The demented soul of a sadistic serial killer baffles the inspectors who find themselves consumed within the confines of a case that will forever haunt the San Francisco Bay Area.
Wild Hogs PG-13
Wow, now this looks like a winner, four middle-aged men on bikes. As the semi-talented cast, composed of Tim Allen, Martin Lawrence, John Travolta, and William H. Macy, attempt to entertain the audience with their mediocre antics and adventures on the asphalt, you can’t help but looking at this movie and immediately know that it is meant to be at the bottom of the cinematic dumpster. Be smart and the steer clear of this eventual million-dollar train wreck.
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Oakland’s Pretty Panicks Press Makes Local Waves Interview and Article By Christine Hodinh
Y
ou probably haven’t heard of the Pretty Panicks Press. It’s a small printing press out of Oakland with only one large project out to date, a series of twelve postcards featuring a composition on one side and a narrative from the artist on the other. Each card is addressed by hand to those who request it and if the stamps weren’t already adhesive they’d probably be stuck on with spit. The Press is the conceptualization of Sara Wintz, who sent out the first postcard in September of 2006 with a piece by musician Sharon Cheslow. Since then, she’s sent out two more postcards, from the Mountain Goats’ John Darnielle and composer Molly Thompson. Oh, another thing—she’s still in college. “I think that there’s this widely accepted belief that you can’t do anything interesting or significant until after you’ve finished a degree or until after you’re older than a certain age, but I just don’t buy that,” Wintz said recently via e-mail. “I think that it’s much more interesting to put yourself out into the world while studying and learning and growing and that process can really teach you a lot.”
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Wintz says the idea for the Press comes largely from composer Peter Garland’s music magazine “Soundings,” which was first published in the early 1970s. “In a lot of ways, the magazine functioned like a literary journal, and that crossing over of genres and examination of music composition in a literary context really fascinated me when I first saw it,” Wintz said. Wintz, 21, is studying creative writing and music at Mills College in Oakland, where she’ll graduate in May. She began the project in 2005 with help from several teachers at Mills and Cheslow, who gave her advice on publishing and contacting artists. “The goal of the series is to show the variety of ways that people are writing rock music, and the way that that term is being used in contemporary culture,” she said. “I want to show how the concept of rock music is changing...I’m very happy with how it’s been developing so far.” Wintz designed that first card by Cheslow on her laptop with Adobe InDesign and sent it to a commercial printer. The postcards are now being distributed to stores in New York City and San Francisco, including Beacon’s Closet and Amoeba Music.
“Sonic Triptych” (inset) is an example of Sara Wintz’s Pretty Panicks postcard publications. For more information, visit myspace.com/prettypanicks. “Initially, most of the postcards I sent out were to people I knew; now, about 90% of the postcards I send out are to people I have never met in my entire life,” Wintz said. “One postcard even went to Antarctica.” Interested parties e-mail Pretty Panicks their mailing address and she sends back the requested card. Wintz funds the entire process out-of-pocket, from print to postage, with help from a loan she took out. The series, originally produced by Wintz alone, has introduced collaborative work for some of its pieces in both design and distribution. “I’d love to work with other people as a kind of printing/publishing collective, or even just collaborate with more graphic artists on the postcards,” Wintz said. “Whenever I work with someone else on a card in
Long Beach Union Weekly • The Students’ Newspaper
the series, I always learn more about the work that we’re printing, because instead of just communicating my own interpretation of the rock artist’s work through the graphic design, there’s someone else who has another completely different interpretation.” Upcoming postcards include work from artist Jorge Boehringer (a collaboration with University of Alabama student Cristiana Baik), musician Garrett Devoe of Pure Horsehair and flutist Suzanne Thorpe from Mercury Rev. Wintz, who hopes to work with “as many different kinds of bands” as possible, wants to see a zine or artists’ tour journals printed through Pretty Panicks in the future. For now, though, she’s content with her first big project and what it’s shown her.
26 February 2007
I
’ve been playing a lot of online RPGs lately… like… a lot… After I started referring to food as manna my mom told me that I was going to hell and threw this gigantic book of mysticism at me. I thought that this book was going to be all sorts of cool because it’s bound in a leather that I can only assume is the skin of innocent children and it’s pages are lined with a fibrous platinum-like substance that could only be made by the highest order of alchemists. On the side of the book there is only one word “NIV BIBLE”, I assume that NIV is a great elvin warlock who conjured this holiest of books (I’m pretty sure that “bible” is warlock-elvin for “holy collection of writings and wonderment”) from the depths of the Hyjal crater. Also, it’s über long. Like insanely long. I think that there is some sort of magical spell that has been cast on it that has made it contain four times as many pages as it actually does. Yeah… that sounds about right. I tried reading this thing, but most of it was just long descriptions of elvin-warlock holy lineages of Libnites and Shimeites and Levites and Merarites, and boring warlock clan mem-
26 February 2007
ber names and stuff. I also read this story about a dude who killed his brother and got a stain on his face… None of it was very interesting. Then I thought to myself, why would this efllock book be written in English? It’s not, this is obviously elvin language that has had a charm cast on it to confuse people who try to read it by looking like words in their language that is actually a whole bunch of nonsense. HOW COOL IS THAT? Way cool… that’s how… cool… how cool… hi coo? Oh yeah, anyhow. Since the NIVBIBLE (pronounced “neeev biblahh”) cant be read unless you are an warlelf I had to find some other way to receive its magical powers, so I tried a few different tactics. First I tried sleeping with the NIVBIBLE under my pillow, in hopes that it would whisper its secrets to me in my sleep. I don’t think that worked because I just had normal dreams about flying around the world in an old refrigerator box that had been painted plaid. Then I thought that maybe I’d have to actually have the mystical pages in my body so I tore some out and ripped it up real small and put it in a spoon and tried heating up the spoon so the pages would turn to liquid and I could inject it into my arm (I saw some guys do this downtown with rock candy, I normally eat rock candy with my mouth, but they looked like they really enjoyed it.). It didn’t work. The pages just caught on fire and I freaked out and dumped it in the fish bowl and now Mortimer the beta fish is dead… never to fight his reflection in the mirror again… Since that didn’t work I tried blending it up in the blender. The blender shredded up about half of the NIVBIBLE (baby skin cover and all!) but it didn’t really look drinkable so I looked in the cabinet to see if there was some sort of liquid that I could use to help it blend and I
This Week..
Jeff Reads The Bible! found a bottle of this greenish looking stuff that said “Green Fairy Absynthe” THAT’S IT! FAIRY JUICE!!! What better to help me absorb the powers of this ewarlflock NIVBIBLE than FAIRY JUICE!? Nothing… that’s what. There is nothing better than fairy juice. So I dumped the bottle of fairy juice in the blender with the NIVBIBLE and it’s babyskin cover and blended up a nice frothy mug of mysticism. The drink tasted horrible, but I knew that I would have to undergo feats of strength and manhood to understand the true power of the NIVBIBLE. I finished it in about 10 minutes, threw up, collected and drank my magical throw up, felt
Long Beach Union Weekly • The Students’ Newspaper
my entire body go numb as my tongue started to vibrate and passed out. Upon waking up I found myself nearly naked in the middle of the Long Beach Nature Preserve three days after I consumed my magicshake, and though I was bruised and beaten and had a throbbing headache from my vision quest I had been shown the meaning of the universe… I’d tell you, but I’m pretty sure it would blow your mind... You should probably just mix up a NIVBIBLE and some fairy juice and see for yourself. If you do, though, I would suggest wearing a few pairs of underwear… trust me… you’ll understand afterwards… I don’t want to talk about it.
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[Creative Arts] Another city another night, all of the colorful memories whirling around like a kaleidoscope in my relentless mind. The sweet perfume of the flowers in each dressing room lingers on and the cooling taste of the hotel mints still dance on my tongue. We form a circle behind the soft red velvet curtains, saying a prayer in unison as our hands joined in anticipation. I run out on stage leading the way, as I wave to the army of fans the words, “how you doing tonight,” screech and echo through the theater. The warm spotlight found its victim and exposes us to the world, but also offers protection shielding their faces and judgments from our sight. Flashes of light invade my soul as I hear the hypnotic pulse of the crowd chanting our name, and I close my eyes and hope it lasts. I clench the cold, black microphone as it unlocks the hidden secrets from the very depths of my soul, they can see my life in every song. I am jolted by the thunderous roar of applause and I leap into the sea of hands that are ready to receive like playful tulips opening to the rain.
I
woke up in a street somewhere off in the city. I was alone in the middle of downtown. The smell of tequila and sweat reeked off my body and I wondered, “What the fuck happened last night?” I check my watch—12:47 PM. The anxiety is imminent. I questioned, “Where is everyone?” The reflection off the building windows in front of me revealed a man with dark hair and dirty hands, tattered clothing, and a look of tremendous confusion. At this point, I was in complete awe questioning once again, “How did I get here?” The streets were empty. Not a sound to be heard. Not another human being to be found. I was alone. The anxiety hit and my hands began to tremble.
Running deeper and deeper into a maze of silver structures and puzzled reflections, I fell. I sprawled across the cold, tainted gravel and gazed into the only thing I could see. In a neutral city, with empty shops and abandoned buildings, the only thing vibrant is the sky. The glowing sky reminded me of her. My eyes are now closed. “Open your eyes.” The warmth of a small, delicate hand pushes aside the hair that covers my face. I felt my brow drenched with sweat. A gentle voice assures me that everything will be alright. As soon as I regained consciousness, I was startled with my surroundings. “Where am I, what just happened?!” “You were dreaming,” she replies.
I started running. I didn’t know where I was going, but I didn’t care. I kept going. Faster and faster, I ran hoping that wherever I stopped would bring me back to where I was—the place that I last remembered.
It was just a dream. Running aimlessly in a deserted city, all alone, with only memories to keep me alive—“Scary,” I thought to myself. I looked out the window and felt relieved to see the city in action. People, cars, buses, everywhere, I was back to where I last remembered. And in this state of relief, I felt a roughness on my hands. They were dirty. My eyes are still closed.
The alarm went off. “Open your eyes.” She brushes my hair as I slowly awaken. With my dirty hands, I stroke the pale, innocent cheeks of the woman I love. The presence of her angelic smile rejuvenates me. The smell of her hair and the touch of her skin nourish me. I feel alive. I’m running out of air and in attempts to catch my breath I stopped and I remembered the sound of the alarm clock. Along with the clock, I remembered the sound of the bustling city echoing in the background. I remembered her singing in the shower.
Some people can’t understand the rush of overpowering energy you receive from the adoring crowd. They will always question our motives.
Water dripping from the sky forces my eyes to open. It’s the middle of the day and the city is alive. I’m in an alley with an empty bottle of tequila in my dirty hands and tell myself, “Not again.” I brush off my soiled clothes and make my way out into the street. I walk. I don’t know where I’m going but I don’t care. My dreams are my only enemy and closing my eyes is my only fear. The sky puts me to sleep, and you, the one that I love, haunt me.
Some people laugh at us at our age bouncing around the stage like reject trolls in cheap leather but we push on for the music and fans. I can still see the bold, black letters of tabloid headlines that scream “The Band, Quiet Riot, is Old News: They Should Have Retired Years Ago!” The music and fans are my life performing is where my heart is, and no amount of time or wrinkles can ever change my spirit. As long as our names shine on the theater marquees, We will run out on the that stage and feel the rush of entertaining. As long as our aging faces appear on vibrant towering billboards, we will travel to the ends of the earth to feel the power of expression.
I come from a teddy bear along with my homemade blanket. I come from my cats roaming the streets around the heart of the unforgiving asphalt of youth with gleaming cars passing by. I come from my older brother who always plays with me and my grandparents always taking my hands and saying ‘I love you’ I come from Marla and Enrique and ‘Ignore Ignorance’. I come from scrambled eggs and goopy smores. I come from oceans with predators and killers and ‘Reach for Your Goals’. I come from Sunrise Park where memories are not forgotten. I come from the desert town called Palm Springs with hot springs shooting towards the sky. I was foolish in the past and all is all but someday I wish to be tall as a famous actor.
Walking hand in hand in the labrynth of life, on paths of darkness trying to find the light Flowing were my crystal tears of pain, you helped me see through the rain Exploring each long winding path, trying to let go of the bitter past Love’s beautiful roses covered in thorns, my lost soul was battered and torn Your love blanketed me like a warm summer breeze, helping my sleeping spirit begin to breathe Dancing to nature’s soft, sweet lullaby as your eyes burned deeply into mine No matter where the road leads you and I, I can face anything with you by side Our bodies seemed to become one, as the fragile web of memories came undone. Time grew wings and flew away, until we reached the end one day My heart sang out with a joy I could not hide, you kissed away the tears that I had cried Now there were tears of utter bliss, as your whispered words swam through the mist Asking if I would be yours until the sun faded to grey, and flowers didn’t bloom in may That was our first day of spring and our souls together will forever sing
Attention: Next week will mark the beginning of the Union Weekly Creative Arts contest. Basically, submit short stories or poems: 500 words or less, Philip@lbunion.com, by midnight on Thursday, March 1st. Each week will be geared towards a different theme: this week’s theme is mythical creatures. Be the first to win a 100 Grand.
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Long Beach Union Weekly • The Students’ Newspaper
26 February 2007
[Comics] Life n Times By Lewis Grey
PERP By A. Trader
Girly-Girl By Christopher Troutman
Bad Pun Comic By Boy & Girl Pitty Petty By James Kislingbury
Across 1- Metric unit of mass 5- Apportion 10- Fruit-filled pie 14- Overdue 15- One forking over 16- Potpourri 17- Highly excited 18- Best of a group 19- Greek temple
20- Inhabitant of Damascus 22- Quizzes, trials 23- North American deer 24- Drunkard 25- To correct 29- Sejant 33- Mountain nymph of Greek mythology
Crossword puzzles provided by BestCrosswords.com. Used with permission.
26 February 2007
34- Not strong 36- Islamic chieftain 37- Gangster’s gun 38- Disgusting dirt 39- Honey insect 40- Employs, consumes 42- Full of unresolved questions 43- Gravy, for one 45- Most strange
47- Heavy napped woolen fabric 49- Resinous deposit 50- Monetary unit of Afghanistan 51- Lapwing 54- Ascendancy 60- Auricular 61- Municipal 62- Close 63- Soothe 64- Sports area 65- ___ -shanter (Scottish cap) 66- Bird of prey 67- Jeopardy 68- Gorillas, chimpanzees and orangutans Down 1- Delighted 2- Hindu music 3- Molecular component 4- One of the Furies 5- Small spots 6- Robust 7- 16th letter of the Hebrew alphabet 8- Network of nerves 9- Before 10- Small end-blown flute 11- Exclamation to express sorrow 12- Public disturbance
13- Throw 21- Go downhill fast? 22- Small drink, young child 24- Like many Punjabis 25- Scoundrel 26- Rub out or remove from memory 27- Prevent 28- Quick 29- Lustful deity 30- Saturate 31- One who cries “uncle”? 32- Fresh 35- Mischievous person 38- Money-related: Abbr. 41- Short silique 43- Astound 44- Capital of Georgia 46- Devour 48- Of the top 51- Tyler’s successor 52- Small purse 53- Wither 54- Dreadful 55- Above, finished 56- Start of something small? 57- Tides that attain the least height 58- Arrived 59- Greek god of love 61- Head covering
Long Beach Union Weekly • The Students’ Newspaper
Submit Your Own Comics Send them to editor Matt Byrd: Byrd@lbunion.com Or drop them off at the Union office Student Union Office 256a Medium
Hard
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[Comics] Koo-koo and Luke By Jesse Blake
http://kookoo.monsquad.com/index.html
How to Play Sudoku
Each Sudoku puzzle has a unique solution that can be reached logically without guessing. Enter the numbers 1 to 9 into the blank boxes. Each row must have one of each digit. So must every column, and every 3x3 square. Check each row, column and square and use the process of elimination to solve the puzzle. Medium
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Long Beach Union Weekly • The Students’ Newspaper
Hard
26 February 2007
VOLUME 60
MACH FIVE, MORE DEAD THAN ALIVE
ISSUE 5
Area Man Overwhelmed By Number of Polio Jokes in Grunion
Tough-Love Dad Tells Polio-Stricken Son to “Walk it Off”
Harvard Accidentally Man Arrested After Mistaking Porn for Pirate Raid Hires First Woman By The Nothing essary to go back to his home to grab his GRUNION FLUFFER antique cutlass Sanders said, “I happen to President be a graduate of Yale, okay? Where I stud-
C
By Father McKenzie
GRUNION LAMPOONIST
Last week, Harvard University announced that it had entered the mid-20th Century, and was hiring its first ever female president, new appointee Drew Gilpin Faust. Head of the hiring board, Thomas Sterns had the following to say in an exclusive interview: “It’s time for a change, it’s time for Harvard to step forward. It’s 2007, and no longer should a worthy candidate be denied a job just because they’re a…aw, who am I fudding? I had no idea she was a woman. Her application got placed in the pile by my assistant as a joke, and I didn’t realize Drew could be a chick’s name. I just figured it was short for Andrew. I hired her cause I loved her last name. I’m a bit of a Marlowe fanatic, you know. Anyway, I don’t want a woman coming into an institution like this, with all its history, to try and ‘pretty it up’ or anything. Harvard is perfect the way it is.” Faust remains unfazed by Harvard’s backtracking, however, and has already announced several ambitious plans to help shape the prestigious university’s future. “For one thing, we’re going to trim all that nasty ivy; fall colors are out come April at the very latest, and frankly, it’s just unsanitary. Then we’re going to invite those nice Yalies over for a mixer, and try and mend some of that bad blood. After that we can get started on these drab old buildings; I’d like to see new facades on them by the end of 2008. Also, we might start admitting minorities into our graduate degree programs.” When asked about Faust’s plans, Sterns only hung his head, saying, “Good Christ. The alums are gonna have my head over this.”
lairebanks, Wisconsin– Derek “Sharkchum” Sanders was arrested last night for breaking and entering into an elderly couple’s home in South Clairebanks after thinking they were being raided by pirates. When state police arrived on the scene at 3:45 p.m. they found that Hannie and James Aaron (ages 64 and 73) were watching the adult film Pirates. During questioning Sanders explained, “I was watering my lawn across the street when I heard loud screaming and something that sounded like a tussle.” Sanders continued on to say that when he knocked on the door of the Aaron’s he was met with, “Shove it up yar ass ya slutty scum!” When asked why he felt it was nec-
By Jack Colhoun
GRUNION FRESH MEAT
Last Tuesday, at eight o’clock Mountain Standard Time, in an unprecedented announcement, the House Oversight Committee in conjunction with the United States Department of Health And Human Services declared that smoking is the number one cause of all smoking-related deaths in the United States, Canada, and California. Dr. Kurt Mederbaum, research scientist, who had absolutely no affiliation with this study, summed up what this study means at its core by saying the quote that will begin after this sentence ends. “What this study means at its core is that all of the uncertainty as to whether smoking and smoking-related fatalities are connected is completely expunged.” Tell that to Joe Camel… (if you could get a Camel who wears sunglasses to listen to you. He’s too cool to listen to you. You nonsmoking loser, he’s fucking Joe Camel). The House Oversight committee, led
which we, in the scientific community, have tentatively titled Urth.” Says chief paleo-geologist/junior astronomer Dr. Ronald Cornelius. A major level extinction event has hapPangaea was originally the theorized landpened before, but who says it won’t happen mass that our modern day continents were again? Christian fundaformed from over years of mentalists perhaps, but Teutonic plate movement. scientists have concluded When asked about where based on a massive amount this leaves humanity Corof mathematically deduced nelius had some very odd empirical data that a mepredictions as to where we teor strike of Michael Baywould be when the cosmic proportions is imminent dust settles. “The changes within the next ten years. to mankind will see us rePart of this prediction duced from men of indusstates that not only will try to tribes of Stone Agethe Earth as we know it be styled dwellers, and from completely devastated, but the ashes of our mightiest some other severe changes empires, seven god-like will come to fruition. dinosaur and ape beasts Chaos (above) is angry at the title that A meteor of that pro- constantly hangs over his head. will wage war for control portion will cause such over the bounty of the new an extreme disruption to the forces that keep mono-continent or montinent, if you will. Our our major landmasses aligned that what we are only purpose will be to serve the interests of looking at is a full scale reformation of Pangaea our monolithic masters.” GRUNION KOSHER FRESH MEAT
Peggy (above) lost the use of her eye to a crusty old seaman.
with resisting arrest and attempting to shank an officer. “Hello, they tried to take my cutlass. I bought that on eBay for like $1,300. It belonged to Blackbeard. It is signed and numbered. You clearly don’t know anything.”
Government Announces Smoking as Number One Cause of All Smoking-Related Deaths
Big Space Rock to Be Our XTRMNTR By Dikembe Matugboat
ied seafaring history and culture. I think I know when something isn’t right, okay? Jeeze.” James Aaron has decided to press charges against Sanders saying, “He kicked in my brand new door! That son of a bitch had a sword to my dear Hannie’s neck for seven minutes before I convinced him that we weren’t raiding our own home.” Aaron continued to tell police that he even showed Sanders the adult film they were watching in order to prove their innocence, but Sanders wasn’t convinced. “He told us that the video was too real not to be our home movies of previous ‘conquests.’” Sanders is now awaiting bail in Clairebanks County Jail. He will also be charged
JFK (above) enjoys a cigarette in Dallas prior to his driving tour of the city.
by Senator Henry Waxman, conducted thousands of independent studies held mostly in Mississippi, other southern states, art schools, and Europe, over the course of the last two years and then combined the data to create one “super-study”
that would be harder for skeptics to argue against because it had the word super in it and also employed alliteration. “What we wanted to do was finally show the American public without a shadow of a doubt, that smoking, one-hundred percent, no questions asked, does have a connection to smoking-related deaths. Until this historic study was undertaken, the idea that smoking-related deaths and smoking had any connection was believed by some, but it had no cementable factiness,” Sen. Waxman said, via a phone interview that I conducted while eating a soft taco, and he never noticed, “It will take some more time, but our goal as the House Oversight Committee is to spend as much time and lowly tax-payer money as possible to get the word out on this important issue. Frankly even with this announcement, not enough people are aware. We still have a lot of people to educate.” Other people said things pertaining to this subject but were not quoted and/or listened to because of reasons. Spring break ‘98!
Congress Sent to Room, No Dessert in Foreseeable Future
By Drunken Sailor
GRUNION FRESH CHICKEN
In an argument at the Bush family dinner table last Friday, teenaged son Congress challenged George Bush on his decision to send more troops to Iraq. Enraged, Bush yelled, “I’m the decision-maker,” while slamming his fist on the table, knocking the serving spoon from wife, Laura’s meticulously prepared tuna casserole, and spilling Congress’s glass of Coca-Cola. Congress whined, “You’re being a total fascist about this! You never listen to anything I say,” to which Bush responded, “Who the hell do you think put this food on the table and those fancy sneakers on your feet? When you start working your ass off night and day to provide for this family, then we’ll talk!” The debate continued, despite Laura’s protests that it was ruining dinner, culminating with Congress being sent to his room without dessert. At a press conference yesterday morning, Congress announced his plans to run away from home, proclaiming, “I’m sick of this fam-
ily! Just wait until I’m gone, then maybe they’ll care about what I have to say,” but Bush called his bluff, insisting that he leave behind “that goddamn cellular telephone [he] wanted so badly.” After the press conference, the family entered discussions about what corrective action would be taken, with Bush insisting on a “grounded until you learn how to show some goddamn respect” policy. When asked for comment, Laura sighed, “He’s the head of this family, there’s nothing I can do,” and encouraged Congress to “be the bigger person and apologize.” The family meeting concluded with a compromise that was reached last night. Congress’s punishment is reportedly two weeks’ grounding, and a ten o’clock curfew to be imposed on prom night. Bush had little to say about the previous days’ events, stating, “He’ll just have to learn that I’m the parent and he’s the child. That’s all there is to it.” He then spilled his Coors Light on his plaid flannel robe and in a fit of rage, dismissed Laura to the kitchen to finish the dishes so he could “watch some goddamn Bill O’Reilly in peace.”
VOLUME 60
GRUNION.LBUNION.COM
Dedicated Mime Delivers Frustrating Rape Testimony See TRAPPED IN A BOX Page 5
WISH IT INTO THE CORN FIELD
ISSUE 5
El Polio Loco Files For Chapter 11 Bankruptcy
Headlines Prince Harry Bound for Iraq,
Local Pimp Genuinely Concerned That Trick May Be Jiving Him
Lives Happily Ever After By The Nothing
GRUNION QUEEN
Miraculous Eye Transplant Goes Unnoticed
(U-WIRE) LONDON– The Ministry of Defense confirmed last Thursday that Prince Harry, 22 years old and third in line to the throne, would be joining troops in Iraq. While the announcement sparked initial reluctance from both Iraqi government officials and Royal Family members, a source close to Queen Elizabeth II says that her majesty has a feeling, “he’s going there to find her.” According to the Queen, Prince Harry had been feeling depressed for the past several months. This depression was presumably caused by an abrupt end to a relationship he was having with a mysterious person unknown to the Royal Family. “He seemed quite smitten,” the Queen said. Royal Family security major, Prince Harry (above) finds cover in the thick jungle brush of Iraq. Randolph Ellison, said that he witnessed the extent of the relationship while they were seen at a Royal gathering where following Harry on vacation in East London. the woman left crying and running from the “The Prince was walking through the country event. “I suspected that the bird had a curand came upon a traveler out for a hike,” re- few,” Ellison said. “She left spot on twelve. membered Ellison. “It was a girl who offered Young Prince Harry did a bodge job of going him a bit of water. He was certainly taken on after her. But all she left behind it seems with her I know that. I just didn’t know that was a single Teva sandal. Fibers found on the things would go so far.” toe shuffler revealed that she was a resident of Apparently only days after the initial meet- Karbala, Iraq. I knew then this was not going ing Prince Harry and the mystery woman to be some easy peasy case to solve.” were seen together at a Paris Hilton fragrance The reason for Prince Harry’s deployment launch looking rather cozy. Two nights later has been the cause of great turmoil within the
family. A source close to the Prince claims that, “Harry has been training for this his whole life. He can’t wait to get out there with his boys and fight.” When asked about the Prince’s romantic motivations the source said, “Oh, right. There is that whole bit too. I don’t really understand what that bloke wants with that whole lot.” After a weekend full of withdrawal rumors, the Ministry finally released a statement clarifying what the heir will be doing while overseas. “Prince Harry will leave next Friday,” said Mayor of Defense, Guideon Wilbrahmson. “He will be leading a team of twelve men in a squadron of reconnaissance vehicles. Also, he will be going from house to shack in search of the owner of a lost sandal, I think it is a Teva” Wilbrahmson said. “The ones that you can wear on hiking trips and such.” The people of Iraq have been readying themselves for the Prince’s arrival by dusting off their welcome mats. “We are so excitement about it,” resident Ahmed Maibad said. “My daughters have one foot each after the first bombs went off. Addition they have half the chances of being the girl, but twices the fun.” The Queen has allowed Prince Harry three months in Iraq, after that time if he has not found the mysterious woman he will have to come back to the Royal life. “This fannying around is nonsense for all of us” said her highness. “I can take him being on the piss all the world, but lullying about with some trollop is bollocks.”
Grunpinion: LaRouche is Right! By Zeena Spor
New Foot Locker Employee Would Kill To Be In Your Shoes
GRUNION OPINION HAVER
A
t first, I thought, no fucking way. We never invaded Mars and the President doesn’t really make fuck with a sycamore tree. But the more I started thinking about it, the more I was kept awake night after night by screeching static, the more Lyndon LaRouche’s words started to make sense to me. I mean, there’s just so many of them. How could a man write three books a year, plus countless speeches, essays, and op/ ed pieces unless he was always right? He flat out couldn’t, that’s how not. Maybe you’re not familiar with him; let me enbrilliant you: Lyndon LaRouche has run for president more times than anyone else in history. He is the rich man’s Ross Perot. I’ve been told it’s in the constitution that if Lyndon LaRouche runs for office two more times, the government will have to crown him king of the world, or at least Alaska. He’s the revolutionary thinker who proposed that
we solve our economic crisis by selling Jews to Haiti, and that we award the Dominican Republic and Venezuela forced statehood to bring our stable up to an even 52. He’s discovered four kinds of gerbils native to Mars, and a new bathroom-dwelling bacterium that may or may not end the polio crisis. Lyndon LaRouche’s spit cures cancer, and his semen cures pregnancy. He once brought me to orgasm just by tickling my left eyebrow. That’s the man I want leading this country. If elected, LaRouche has promised to marry me, and let me paint the White House any color I want to, as long as it’s not fuschia, which burns his retinas (he’s allergic). He’d personally buy us out of debt, end the war in Iraq, find Osama Bin Laden, and devour France. LaRouche is the most patriotic man I’ve ever met; his sex organs practically drip red, white, and blue. So please, won’t you join with me, in support of a real candidate for the White House in 2008? He’s no Barack Obama, but at least he’s not black, or a woman. I think.
Zeena Spor (above) genuinely loves Lyndon LaRouche. However, she is quite fearful of his litigious nature and would like to remind her brave commander that her love is true and should not be misconstrued.
Disclaimer: The Grunion is in its 30th year and will probably outlive Jesus. We don’t need to move a rock or come back from the dead, because we’re not going anywhere. And, like that man that died on the cross, we have a point of view that is loved by some and reviled by Jews/others. Some of the acronyms that do not share our point of view are CSULB, ASI and the GOP. As a matter of fact, our views don’t represent anyone. Ever. In most cases the satire and jokes produced for this page don’t even reflect the views of the writers. We’re not John Swift and we don’t like the taste of babies very much anymore. Send Bible passages and vitriol to fancylash@lbunion.com. This one’s for you, Univision breasts!