61.07

[Issue 61.7] “You have to systematically create confusion, it sets creativity free. Everything that is contradictory creates life.”

-Salvador Dali

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here are parts of this campus that remain preserved amongst the dull backdrop of apathy and academia. These little islands of creativity and passion are what most universities build their foundations upon, a sturdy combination of rebellion and growth. The Art Department is one of these islands.

Until last week, I thought most departments were a carbon copy of the journalism department: lifeless, unimaginative, and most of all, stale.

The reason I felt this way is because that’s all I’ve ever really seen. I’ve taken sociology classes in the Psych building, creative writing courses in LA2, Philosophy in LA4, but that’s where my knowledge of this campus and it’s many programs end. But the feeling is the same.

I see students walk into class with blank expressions and leave looking even more resentful of the fact that our degrees and a few blurry memories are all we will leave this campus with. It is very apparent that most people have very little enthusiasm for their chosen profession and this bums me out.

This week I ventured out. I took some turns I hadn’t before. I opened some doors I hadn’t previously seen, and to my surprise, there were people in these buildings. I understand this may sound weird because we all know students are frequently in their department attending class, but this was at 1 a.m. on a Saturday morning.

I was in search of something alive, something that would redeem my faith in this campus. With my camera in hand, and a few knowledgeable students to guide my way, we stepped into the world of FA4.

I heard the faint sounds of music coming from different directions all around. Doors were left open, and lights were shining bright. Voices echoed off the walls.

This place was definitely alive, but where was its heart?

Where is the pulse strongest? What defines this world of easels and palettes?

One of my guides took us down some stairs and then stopped, “Have you ever been in here?” he asked while placing his hand on the handle of the locker room door. I shook my head and was given a chuckle

and a look of disappointment in return.

What laid before my eyes was amazing, not beautiful, but amazing; much like a heart. From all directions I was consumed. Every inch of this locker room was covered in one various form of art or another.

Inks and paints of all kinds and colors, photos pressed and cropped, poems and slogans, propaganda and words of wisdom; I was in awe.

These examples of life adorn every crack and crevice of the locker room with intricate detail and reckless abandon. Some of the art isn’t brilliant, more of an impulse to create than anything else, but it’s something.

I began to shoot off rounds at a feverish pace, but nothing captured this pulse I felt. I wanted to focus on the main vein, but the locker room wouldn’t allow it.

What I realized is that the locker room is merely a blank canvas. Something may stay up for minutes, days, weeks, years, but nothing is meant to be permanent.

Students walked in and out of the locker room while I took shots, never paying me any mind. I think they knew what I was trying to accomplish with a photo would never do justice to the room, or to the pulse which I was so intent on finding.

I didn’t talk much after I left the locker room early Saturday morning. Much like my pictures, my words were not doing the locker room justice, and I’m not sure they are right now. But I left with a few thoughts.

Every department on this campus should have something like the locker room. Something which fosters and encourages the fickle flame of creativity to burn at its fullest potential.

On a campus that seems so intent on staying the same course, the Art Department gave me a breath of fresh air. And I know I’m not a painter or Dino of the Week sculptor, but I sure did Diego leave wishing I was an art student.

–Ryan Kobane

Editor-In-Chief

Our Cover in the Making

Photographs By Ryan Kobane

Ryan Kobane Editor-in-Chief Erin Hickey Managing Editor Michael Pallotta Matt Dupree

Associate Editors Ryan Kobane Business Manager

ryan@lbunion.com erin@lbunion.com beef@lbunion.com matt@lbunion.com

Vincent Girimonte News Director Kathy Miranda Opinion Editor Ryan ZumMallen Sports Editor Victor Camba Comics Editor Katie Reinman Creative Arts Editor Michaël Veremans Random Reviews Editor Earl Grey Grunion Editor Philip Vargas Literature Editor & PR Michael Pallotta Entertainment Editor Sean Boulger Music Editor & PR Ryan Kobane Photography Director Philip Vargas Illustration Editor Erin Hickey Michael Pallotta Copy Editors Vincent Girimonte Advertising Representative Steven Carey Graphic Design Chris Barrett Internet Caregiver

vince@lbunion.com kathy@lbunion.com zummy@lbunion.com victor@lbunion.com reinman@lbunion.com scarf@lbunion.com earlgrey@lbunion.com philip@lbunion.com beef@lbunion.com sean@lbunion.com

sales@lbunion.com steven@lbunion.com science@lbunion.com

Philip Vargas On-Campus Distribution Vincent Girimonte Off-Campus Distribution Chris Barrett, Andrew Wilson, Darren Davis, Jesse Blake, Christine Hodinh, Derek Crossley, Drew Evans, Christopher Troutman, Jason Oppliger, Cynthia Romanowski, James Kislingbury, Tessah Schoenrock, Rachel Rufrano, Paul Hovland, Brandi Perez, Tyler Burger, Katrina Sawhney, Kathleen Rodil.

Contributors

Disclaimer and Publication Information

The Union Weekly is published using ad money and partial funding provided by the Associated Students, Inc. All Editorials are the opinions of the writer, and are not necessarily the opinions of the Union Weekly, the ASI, or of CSULB. All students are welcome and encouraged to be a part of the Union Weekly staff.

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Please include name, major, class standing, and phone number for all submissions. They are subject to editing and will not be returned. Letters will be edited for grammar, spelling, punctuation, and length. The Union Weekly will publish anonymous letters, articles, editorials and illustrations, but they must have your name and information attached for our records. Letters to the editor should be no longer than 500 words.

Get really close to a person’s face and see how good of a photo you can get. Honestly I even feel uncomfortable when I take really close portrait photography, so I can’t even imagine how weird I must have been making all of our featured artists feel. But everyone was a good sport about painting their face and allowing me all access passes to their personal space. As far as the locker room goes, it’s my new favorite place on campus, and I’m seriously thinking about changing my major because of it. So if you’ve never been there I encourage you to do so, it’s bound to get your creative juices flowing.

*Cover Shot*

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Long Beach Union Weekly • The Students’ Newspaper

15 October 2007

Opinions

It’s Only a Matter of Hours and Seconds

All My Heroes Are Dead

By Derek Crossley Union Staffer

Illustration By Andrew Wilson

especially not the scribbled notes on your calendar.

I have three jobs, four fairly demanding classes, and a social life Opinions Editor that is a shadow of what it once was. I haven’t his is an open letter to all workaholics; had a real day off since summer and yes, I to all the editor-in chiefs, straight A am exhausted. However, somewhere along students, and perfectionists—to the “Being a college student has forced the way, I’ve managed to find a few moments stressed out, over-achieving insomniacs who to myself to unwind and disengage from the me to deal with a tough change. have not a moment to spare. As your fellow Taking the time to do something I hectic world that is work. And trust me, it’s college mate and editor, I urge you, set aside been worth every second. enjoy feels like a waste. My work is your books, close your agenda and take a I understand the value of priority, I know more important than ‘fun’ now.” moment to breathe. the weight of commitment, and I applaud Sheryl Sabater, 18, Bio-Chem Time is an interesting concept to the those who have a decent handle on both, but working college student. Everything seems there’s a special quality about walking into a to be on fast forward. We are constantly completely unplanned day that makes me wish scribbling down appointments, events, and deadlines as time slips I had so much more time to do, well, nothing. And by nothing, I mean out of our fingers. There is not a second to spare, no time to breathe everything. There is an authentic feeling of satisfaction knowing that or to sleep, and barely time to eat, if any—even the constant partying you can do whatever you want at any given time—no work, no school, can be exhausting. Amidst all the priorities and prior commitments just a whole day to yourself, to do whatever you please. What irks me we have set for ourselves, we tend to forget what it’s like to enjoy is that, as of late, all I see are people constantly shuffling from one ourselves. Time has taken control of our natural ability to live commotion to another, nervous and stressed out. We are losing sight of spontaneously and consequentially is leading what it really means to stop and take it easy, to us into a winding path of self-destruction. enjoy a real conversation beyond small talk, to The difficulty that is apparent in acquiring bask in the moment, to live.

“Students need that break in life. a simple hour or two to relax is puzzling to It’s unfortunate that society has raised the Too much work will lead to a huge me. Technology has allowed us to cheat time, level of work ethic for college students. College to accomplish something without actually meltdown. Free time keeps us sane. is intended to be a learning experience, a doing the work—to master the art of multichance to delve into subjects you’re interested People really need to learn how to tasking, if you will. We can explore countries in and have fun with it, not an occasion to pencil in ‘fun’.” without having to get on a plane. We can find practically kill yourself with endless hours Audrey Bautista, 21, Biology love by filling out a questionnaire. We can of manual labor. Perhaps I’m being a bit be, in some respects, in two places at once. melodramatic. I’m just a little disappointed Essentially, we have maneuvered a way to that most of us, including myself at times, are skip the superfluous moments of life, things like walking or reading missing out on the finer points of being young. a book (the entire book), and fast-forward to the destination, the With all of that said, I strongly encourage you, even if only for a abridged ending, the Sparknote of life. With this in mind, shouldn’t moment, to do something, anything, that doesn’t involve work, school, we have more time to do the things we enjoy rather than less? We or anything else on that daunting to-do list of yours. Go home and trick ourselves into believing that we’re making progress in our have lunch with your parents. Skip that ridiculously early morning personal pursuits of success by filling up our class that you have been attending since schedules and utilizing every second with a the first week, and treat youself to a hearty task but really, we are letting the important breakfast. Read your favorite poetry, hell, write moments of our lives, the moments of “With work and the general stresses your own poetry. Ask that cute guy in your personal freedom, pass us by completely. of school, I have no time for myself or English class out to dinner. Visit that museum Sure, the college lifestyle lends itself to anyone else for that matter. Honestly, you’ve always been talking about. Read your being significantly busy, especially when favorite book again. Grab your girlfriend, look I don’t even know what relaxing working while schooling, but the absence her in the eyes and tell her you love her. Skip means anymore.” of leisure time in our lives is an unfortunate the party and take a bubble bath. Stop reading Antonio Lorenzo, 21, English and unhealthy matter. We lose sleep, we and admire my new opinion bubbles. Eat some start forgetting things and we rush. We rush chocolate cake. Reward yourself. Seize your through life like it’s a race, as if stopping would moments. Fuck time and all its intricacies and guarantee a loss and confirm failure. The fact take your much-needed break from reality. is, no matter how much you have to do, how many essays you have to It’ll only take a moment, maybe an hour, maybe 5 minutes, but write, or how many appointments/meetings you have to attend, time please, for the sake of being human, slow down. is always yours to manage and yours to keep. And because of this, it’s Questions? Comments?

Kathy Miranda can be reached at: kathy@ lbunion.com important to realize that you are in control, not your schedule and Or comment online at www.lbunion.com

By Kathy Miranda

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15 October 2007

Long Beach Union Weekly • The Students’ Newspaper

There is a void. A deep chasm. An endless abyss. And that is where we live.

In a vacuum. We are a new generation.

Not the lost generation. Not the greatest generation. We are a letter. We are X’s and Y’s. We are chromosomes distorted and retarded. The down-syndrome generation.

Reliving each decade that preceded us; but not the way they were, the way we wish they were; clean and special with revolutions that actually mattered, with art that changed things.

But they’re all dead now. We have lost Hemingway and Fitzgerald, Fante and Bukowski, Ballard and Dahl.

Salinger might as well be dead, the way he has locked up and hidden his words, hidden his thoughts, ideas and passions away, behind a fence created by silence.

Vonnegut at least had balls. At least he kept going till the end. He kept scraping the ideas off the inside of his skull until he had nothing left and then, only then, did he cash in his chips and go off to visit with all his heroes.

But I look around and see no one to look up to. No one to inspire me that is still doing it, still pushing as hard as they can to come up with something new and beautiful. And there are a few hold outs left, a few people proud and angry enough to keep going; Tom Robbins for one. He can turn a tale that will keep you riveted, make you smile, weep a little, and force your friends to read, just so you have someone to talk to about it with. And yes he is still breathing. He is still dropping acid with Pynchon. Yes, he, Thomas, another man that is dropping literary bombs (meant as explosions not as a failure) on the well-read world. He also chooses to do this in a fairly Salinger-esque way.

He stays removed from the celebrity of writing and never appears, except on paper.

And there is a beauty in this. In how he believes (or so I assume) that words, stories, novels, should be judged on their own. That it shouldn’t be important who writes it, or why; that it is only the words that matter. He doesn’t want the adulation, or fame, he wants to tell a story and he does that with skill and heart.

So maybe I’m wrong. Maybe there are a few left. But more importantly there is room for something new. That void, that vacuum that I was talking about is still there. It may not be completely empty but there is a lot of room in there. And our job, the Trisomy-21 generation, must fill that void. But we can’t slip and just regurgitate what has been done before.

We must plow ahead, take the best of what has been done and move on from there. We have an opportunity to stand on the shoulders of giants and actually reach levels they have never climbed to before. So, who cares that our heroes are dead? We need to stack their bodies and stand on them, because it’s time for a new king of the hill.

Questions? Comments?

Derek Crossley can be reached at: derek@ lbunion.com Or comment online at www.lbunion.com

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[Opinions]

Point(counter)Point

By Vincent Girimonte

Wood

By Darren Davis Banana-fana Fo Favis

Me-My-Mo-Monte The most difficult part of this debate was waiting out Darren’s giggle attack when I first brought up this week’s subject. Apparently, in his great wisdom of twenty-two years, the connection between the word “wood” and a male erection was too much. Wood, Darren: not that thing you get when your roommate brings you a bowl of warm chicken noodle soup, but the material he uses when giving you spankings for not tucking in your shirt on schooldays.

Shall we?

Those of you privy to the crucifixion of our lord and savior needn’t be reminded of the wickedness of wood; let us not forget it was two sinister planks that changed mankind forever. I won’t go as far to say that Jesus would still be with us today if wood had somehow been missing when the ole Pilate damned the carpenter, but at least the carrying of the cross would have been a much less arduous task for JC if a synthetic material were used instead.

And what say you of splinters, Darren? Was it not you that ran into the office in tatters over a splinter lodged under your toe-ring? Listen, I feel more threatened by a splinter than I do feminists or Osama bin Laden –we are not exposed to a more eminent and devastating threat. Studies have likened the pain of removing a wood shard to that of Darren’s father’s when he first realized his son would survive polio.

Most houses in Orange County are built from wood. This fact alone makes my eating of sushi with chopsticks a nauseating experience. Wood gives shelter to men with frosted tips and children born with silver spoons in their assholes, and I simply can’t defend something like that; this, of course, excluding those of you from Huntington Beach, who use wood to beat liberals and culture.

And it’s not like we’re void of alternatives. NASA has devoted trips into space seeking lighter, sturdier materials for a variety of purposes. You can’t find a desk at CSULB that appears to be wood, only to be proven otherwise when a pounded fist releases a loud hollow sound. I suppose it’s possible to construct a house with dead rainforest animals as well, and we are never short on those.

The truth is that we need wood in our lives in the same way you all need Darren Davis to start loitering around your family. Give it up, pal. You haven’t a wooden leg to stand on.

At last! The grand debate. This is the one I have been waiting for. All of the other nonsensical Vince and Darren bouts have been but training for this moment: The chance…nay…the honor to defend nature’s greatest gift. I have checked my facts.

My ear has remained to the ground all these weeks. Now is the time to give my forefathers raging chubbies. The knowledge I am about to spit is the print equivalent to your elementary school bully who beat you incessantly but whom you can’t help but fear and respect. I haven’t slept in days. The cocaine is all but spent. Finally, I am ready.

So let me tell you a thing or two about wood.

First, it floats. Now, this may seem trivial to the simpleton, but have this: If wood simply didn’t exist the final, tear-jerking scene in Titanic would not have worked.

Ever try staying afloat on steel debris? Would you have Kate Winslet cry “I’ll never let go jack” while treading water? Without Titanic, the most prominent contributor to Vince’s spank bank, good old Leo Decap, would have been stuck in the Romeo & Juliet, man-boy era of his now flourishing career. We would have had The Departed starring Jack Nicholson, Matt Damon, and Josh Hartnett. No dice.

Second, you kill vampires with wood. The last thing America needs is a fucking vampire epidemic. Not Anne Rice vampires, those would have been peachy keen. I’m talking straight up abomination-of-nature vampires, ones you won’t get confused with Aaliyah. Next you’ll be telling me to give up my silver bullets and ancient amulets.

Oh, and you ferment wine in wood. I mean sure, we can try aging a good vintage in Tupperware bins, but what about bonfires? Vince, you are going to have an even more difficult time getting 14-year-olds drunk at a beach bon-slab-ofconcrete. And you consider yourself an above average chef (among the Polish, at least), right? Well count me out when you serve your Sunday night Styrofoamsmoked turkey.

Not only that, but if we get rid of wood, we get rid of one of the most prominently used pseudonyms for the erect penis. You can have your Leo, vampires, bonfires, and Turkey. But I will not, will NOT have “morning reed” or “morning Rachel” when I wake up. I will have morning wood.

Who Reigned Supreme?

Last week’s winner on “How to Properly Drink a Hefeweizen”: Darren Davis, Jack’s Brews’d Ego

The Brown Shirts Are Back, In Iraq

By Michaël Veremans Random Reviews Editor What would you say if there was a private military organization roving around a country killing dozens of people, wounding more, including civilians and police officers of that country? What if they, furthermore, were paid rather than prosecuted for doing these things by a foreign government? Well this very scenario is happening in both Iraq and Afghanistan in a real way.

U.S. mercenaries have been serving in the Middle East since 9/11 and the expansion of the military budget. The biggest group operating abroad right now is known as Blackwater, USA. Does this group sound familiar? They should because their name has been plastered all over the news since the September 16th killing of eleven Iraqis, which the group spokesman defends as a lawful act. But this is just the icing on a big bloody and corrupt cake.

The firm Blackwater, USA was begun in 1997 by two ex-Navy SEALS to provide military and law enforcement training. After 9/11 they expanded their operations and

starting offering the services of “thousands of highly specialized global stabilization professionals” as their website says. Since 2001 they have earned over $1 billion from the government, mostly through no-bid contracts, with the help of ex-White House staff members working for Blackwater.

Despite this, reports claim that Blackwater has fired 122 of its staff in the last three years for various nefarious reasons.

In regards to the Sept. 16th attack, a spokesman claims that the group acted lawfully. Although the Iraqi government has been seeking to criminally prosecute members of Blackwater for their actions (including the involvement in almost 200 conflicts in the last two years, in 163 of which they fired first), laws have been in place since 2004 exempting private military contractors from Iraqi law. If we can’t respect the government we set up, why should the Iraqi people listen to these puppets?

It’s a matter of accountability and sovereignty.

The same problems have shown up in Afghanistan where private prisons throughout the country maintained by these mercenary groups were found to be illegally detaining people.

All of the Blackwater employees accused of misbehaving are simply sent back to America and let go by the firm

with a severance check, even those who killed civilians. No criminal charges were filed and the families of victims were often bribed at the behest of the State Department.

Each soldier of fortune is paid almost $500,000 annual, tax dollars. I thought we had a military? In order to increase accountability the government wants to install surveillance devices on Blackwater vehicles and provide special agents to keep an eye on them. This probably costs even more for a private military maintained and commanded by our “leaders” in Washington. It seems that they are in favor of a private military, like Hitler’s Brown Shirts. Blackwater currently runs the biggest military training center in the world and has refused to release its private financial information.

Despite the fact that their license to operate in Iraq was revoked, their remains thousands of “professionals” from Blackwater as well as other mercenary groups in war-torn countries that actively break sovereign laws and murder under the anonymous protection of the US government.

Questions? Comments?

Questions can be directed to: info@ lbunion.com Or comment online at www.lbunion.com

Jealousy Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

By James Kislingbury Union Staffer I have a problem. I can’t seem to enjoy something unless it’s at the expense of someone else, specifically if I’m taking it away from that person. And worse yet, that something is usually another person. For some reason jealousy makes everything that much more attractive, and I know I’m not alone in this thought. Or at least that’s what I keep on telling myself.

This is a reoccurring theme. I won’t be as interested in a gal until someone else expresses interest in her. Then trying to gain her affection turns from a calm dance into a retarded sort of car chase to beat the other guy to the punch. It never works, either. Or it rarely does. My excitement centers solely around the chase, and in those rare cases where it does work hindsight sets in and I realize that what I currently have is far from want I originally wanted.

Okay, so I have a several problems. Being a chauvinist pig is one of them. But I’m working on it and that’s another article for another day. Right now, I’m trying to square away why being wanted by other people is such an attractive quality, even though it’s goddamn poison every single time.

There’s a song by The Temptations called “Don’t Let the

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Joneses Get You Down” that illustrates this, It’s about—wait for it—how “keeping up with the Joneses” is a completely pointless endeavor. You can’t even enjoy the things you have because you’re fretting about how to beat those assholes the Joneses next door. Locking horns with the Joneses is Cold War with no gain and no Star Wars Death Laser to end it.

You just end up broke and depressed, which is a pretty good summation of a person that tries to make their life better by buying crap. Even in Borat, he had a rivalry with his asshole neighbor about who could get a nicer clock radio.

Besides keeping up with the Joneses, there’s another phenomenon that is closely related: The Wedding Ring Factor.

Forget dressing nice, forget Spanish Fly, forget shaving, forget everything that you think attracts the opposite sex, and et yourself a wedding ring. There’s a je ne sai quoi about a person with a wedding band that other people seem to find alluring. Plus, if you manage to sneak a person away from their spouse that they’ve known and loved for years, how on top of your game must you be?

Casino Royale summed the Wedding Ring Factor pretty nicely: “You’re not my type.”

“What? Smart?”

“No, single.”

With this issue, I’m at least in the same camp as The Temptations, James Bond, Borat anda whole bunch of married people on earth. That’s pretty good company.

More than I usually hope for. So, it seems to be a natural human instinct to want something that someone else has.

Why would someone drive a car that no one else does? Who wants to date someone that doesn’t have any acquaintances?

Who wants to fish a no-name band out of the bargain bin?

It’s a perfectly logical move, but that doesn’t mean that it isn’t a dick move. Or a bitch move. Whatever. That’s a semantic argument, really.

I think that might be me trying to rationalize this. More than likely, a big part of trying to snatch something away from someone (even if it can be snatched) is immaturity.

Trying to steal away things from people is the mark of a ten year old. If Billy has an ice cream, I want an ice cream.

That kind of thing. Even if these feelings afflict society at large, that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t try to cull it from my person.

Goddamnit. I was hoping I didn’t have any more growing up to do. Well, on the plus side, at least I can grow facial hair now..I mean, kind of.

Long Beach Union Weekly • The Students’ Newspaper

15 October 2007

News

NEWSTRADAMUS Factitious Predictions

Campus “Actively Embracing” Diversity

By Vincent Girimonte News Director

Photo By Jason Bonzon Students, like Paul Zappia (above), used the podium to celebrate and reflect on their lives at the LGBT’s Open Mic ceremony on National Coming Out Day.

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arlier last week saw a campus Christian revolution in the form of a large, vicious circle centered around two non-students holding signs condemning various groups, including “mouthy women” and homosexuals. For those in attendance, it was a scene unlike the normal discourse on the CSULB campus.

There was a genuine feeling of community in the air despite the nature of the situation, which was similar to that of a sideshow.

More important than the subject of their anger, however,

was the geometry of the situation: students found a common distaste in the form of these two self-proclaimed “voices of God,” and united, however haphazardly, against the oppressors.

The chaotic scene near the Friendship Walk prefaced the Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender (LGBT) National Coming Out Day Open Mic’s theme very efficiently, that CSULB is a place of tolerance and is ready to unite against all forms of ignorance—or at least we are striving to become such a place. The event

was the culmination of the LGBT sponsored National Coming Out Week with the days previous showcasing workshops, film screenings and educational panels all pertaining to the advancement of LGBT rights and moral.

The podium in front of the bookstore was difficult to ignore with several rainbow flags draped around the microphone, and booths lining the pathways promoting various services aimed at assisting students with problems relating to sexual identity. For those inclined, the microphone was set up for students wishing to share stories of their own coming out and adversities they’ve encountered being homosexual.

In harmony with National Coming Out Day, one student took the podium to declare her identity as a homosexual. “I love who I love,” she said to a large gathering of students and faculty.

Many of the speakers struggled with nerves that most experience when giving a public address, not to mention the added anxiety speaking about their sexual identity before a large group.

Courage to take the microphone was rewarded with applause and cheers from an allied crowd.

Upon leaving the podium, the mood was that of empowerment, as if the message given helped them conquer fears within.

One student took it upon herself to apologize for all Christian discrimination towards the homosexual community. This, of course, coming just days after the scene on the campus lawn where inflammatory words were shared between supposed Christians and dozens of students.

Her statement garnered a loud approval from the audience.

Dr. Kirstyn Chun believes CSULB is well on its way to becoming an “accepting campus,” and in many respects, believes it’s already there. “I think our campus has always been somewhat supportive to the LGBT community, but now we’re actively embracing it,” said Chun.

She added that the administration, from top to bottom, is on board and have been very helpful in getting National Coming Out Week off the ground. “We’ve made a lot of progress as a campus,” she said, “but there’s always room for improvement.”

Questions? Comments?

Vince Girimonte can be reached at vince@lbunion.com Or comment online at www.lbunion.com

of the Recent Past

By Michael Veremans

If AIDS and Global Warming Don’t Kill Us, We Can Always Fall Back On Iran In response to the open forum held by Iran’s president, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, at Columbia University, many people have asked, “what is the future of foreign relations between Iran and the US?” Both Clinton and Obama have come out in the last week saying that they would indeed continue nuclear negotiations with Ahmadinejad despite his extreme stance on many social issues.

Obama has accused Clinton of both flipping and flopping with regards to her stance on Iran, which is great because accusations of flip-flopping worked in the democrat’s favor last time.

At least, as nuclear capability spreads, we have developed a pill that can suppress and help treat HIV (which leads to AIDS).

Merck & Co. have recently released a pill that slows or stops the replication of HIV cells, allowing people to live longer, healthier lives with the virus, giving the rest of us hope for a condom-less future.

Now HIV patients can enjoy the long-term effects of global warming with the rest of us, unless Al Gore has any say in the matter. The former vice president (along with the U.N. Panel on Climate Change) received the 2007 Nobel Peace Prize for his roll in the movie An Inconvenient Truth, saving us from the “hear no evil, see no evil” environmental policies of George Bush.

w w w. c s u l b s t u d e n t u n i o n . c o m

POETRY SLAM TEAM TRY-OUTS DAY 1 12-2PM in USU room 305

POETRY SLAM TEAM TRY-OUTS DAY 2 12-2PM in USU room 305 DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AWARENESS EVENT 10AM-4PM @South West Terrace.

BEACH CHOICES MOVIE NIGHT “TRANSFORMERS” 5PM & 8PM @ THE Beach Auditorium $2 admission / FREE food at 7PM MOVIE NIGHT “TRANSFORMERS” 5PM & 8PM @ The Beach Auditorium / $2 admission

NOONTIME CONCERT “JUKEBOX” 12PM-1PM @South West Terrace (FREE) POET’S LOUNGE 7PM-10PM FREE @ the Soroptimist House

15 October 2007

Long Beach Union Weekly • The Students’ Newspaper

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Sports

Game O’ The Week

CSULB vs. UCSB 7:00p.m. Oct. 19 @ The Pyramid

Women’s volleyball will host Cal Poly (who are a far better team than UCSB) on Saturday, but Friday’s showdown with the hated Gauchos will be the main draw. Mainly because we’re going to crush them... and revel in it.

Beach Hockey Clearing the Competition Yes, we have an ice hockey team. Fans young and old are addicted to the frenzy.

By Brandi Perez

T

Staff Writer

he body-slamming, crazy shirtless fans and intense three periods are finally here. That could only mean one thing: hockey season.

Long Beach State University’s American Collegiate Hockey Association Division II team is ready for the new season. Last year’s No. 8 ranked team in the West finished with a school-best 22-9 record.

“We’re going to improve on our record,” said new head coach Eric Raimondo. “Our goal is to go straight for the bye into the nationals.”

Raimondo, who played on LBSU’s hockey team from 2002-2005 and was the assistant coach the last two years, said dealing with the administrative aspect has been the most challenging. Other than that, he is confident the team will have a successful season.

“We have a pretty fast and skilled team,” he said. “Our defense is pretty solid. We have three great goalies in the net. We don’t have many weaknesses. The only thing we have to stay away from is injuries. We got three guys out with injuries right now.”

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We play some very prominent teams” So far the team has yet to face any worthy opponents. Last week it was hard to tell what was slapped around more, the hockey puck or the Trojans. USC may have one of the best football programs in the country but what it doesn’t have is a hockey defense Photo by Mark Maono that can stop the 49ers.

They easily put up three goals But Raimondo has plenty of other guys to in the first period, two more in the next and turn to. Of the 28 rostered players, half are re- three in the last for a trouble-free 8-2 victory turners, including first team All-Region for- over USC. ward Brian Horwitz. He led the 49ers with 47 Never-ending chants of “SCOREBOARD,” goals and 55 assists and was the ACHA’s top “‘F’ U-S-C” and “BEACH SLAPPED” echoed scorer last season. All-star defenseman Jason through Glacial Gardens in Lakewood, their Hastings also returns to the team. home-game arena. High-fives were passed Hastings was chosen by the ACHA as one around every time someone got checked into of 26 players to represent 24 Division II col- the wall. The seats were packed and the school leges. He will spend Christmas break touring spirit was contagious. How could it not be Europe and playing five games against teams when you’re kicking the other team’s ass? from Czech Republic, Switzerland, Austria “Our support has been absolutely pheand Germany. nomenal,” Raimondo said. “We’re getting Raimondo will need the help of his vet- over 400 fans a game. I remember when I erans if he wants to get to the nationals. The played we’d be happy if we saw 50 people. It’s team will face some daunting competition, definitely refreshing.” but they do it with the support of the 49ers.

The 49ers wailed on the Trojans again “Ice Hockey is our biggest and most com- with a 6-3 victory the following day. Talk petitive [club sport],”said Rita Hayes, director, about rubbing salt on an open wound. club sports and recreational programs. “They But the 49ers are feeling some pain too. had a lot of people go to their games last year. Well, their wallets are. They spent last week-

Long Beach Union Weekly • The Students’ Newspaper

end on a three-game road trip against the University of Utah, Brigham Young University and then back to Utah.

Players had to raise money to pay for the trip, which was 11 hours one-way. They used part of their funds to pay for fees and rent three vans—one cargo van just for their gear.

The Associated Students Inc. supplies partial funding, but not enough. The 26 players also had to pay part of their hotel expense.

“It’s such an expensive sport,” Hayes said.

“They have to pay quite a bit out of their pocket.”

But the price is worth it when they enter the rink and see hardcore fans with G-O B-E-A-CH tattooed in black and gold on their chests. It doesn’t matter what age spectators are. It seems like everyone wants a piece of the action.

“There’s a real cross of people,” Hayes said.

“They’re real supportive, enthusiastic. I was sitting by this older couple, they could have been grandparents, I asked them if they knew someone on the teams and they said no. They said they had Ice Dogs season tickets and needed their hockey fix.”

Games are exciting, fun and—like all hockey games—come complete with a fight. What better way to spend an enjoyable evening? You get to support your school, socialize, watch topless guys with painted letters on their chests pump up the crowd, heckle opposing players and cringe with pride as you watch your beloved 49ers body slam their opponents into the walls.

15 October 2007

OUTLIST 2007 We are students, professors, coworkers, roommates, teammates, alum, friends, and family, and we are just a few of the intelligent, creative, and supportive lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer individuals - or allies of LGBT individuals - who are part of the diverse California State University, Long Beach community. We invite you to join us in celebrating National Coming Out Day 2007 at California State University, Long Beach.

Ivan Aceves, Student, Computer Science and Engineering; Megan Adams, Student, Women’s Studies; Brandon Anderson, Graduate Student, Communication Studies; Michelle Angulo, Student, Business Finance; Roxann Alexander-Barr, Graduate Student, Communication Studies; Dr. Ferdinand Arcinue, Psychologist, Counseling and Psychological Services; Jay Arnston, Graduate Student, Communication Studies; Yadira Arroyo, Student, Women’s Studies; Jennifer Barron, Graduate Student, Communication Studies; Arleen Bejerano, Graduate Student, Communication Studies; Kristina Bell, Student, Political Science; Matthew Black, Systems Analyst, Network Services; Christine Blankenship, Administrative Support Coordinator, Communication Studies; Dr. Jeffrey Blutinger, Faculty, History, Assistant Director, Jewish Studies; Beth Boser, Graduate Student, Communication Studies; Dr. Angela Bowen, Faculty, Women’s Studies; Heidi Burkey, Health Educator, Student Health Services Health Resource Center; Dr. Chris Burnett, Faculty, Journalism; Matt Cabrera, Student Resource Centers Coordinator, Student Life and Development; Dr. Michael N. Carbuto, Associate Director of Student Health Services/Chief of Medical Staff, Student Health Services; Dr. Jeane Relleve Caveness, Assistant Dean of Students; Kyle Cheesewright, Graduate Student, Communication Studies; Scott ChristophersonSchorn, Associate Director Facility Operations, University Student Union, Friend of the Center; Dr. Kirstyn Yuk Sim Chun, Psychologist/LGBT Resource Center Faculty Advisor, Counseling and Psychological Services; Sarah Chung, Student, Art; Tracey Clark, Student, Educational Psychology; Dr. Maria Claver, Faculty, Family and Consumer Sciences-Gerontology Program; Erin Cook, Student, English Literature; Tom Crowe, Faculty, Social Work; Naomi Cruz, Student, History & Chicana/o and Latina/o Studies; Michael Cruz-Herrera, Student, Information Systems; Eric Cullather, Graduate Student, Communication Studies; Cynthia Cummer, Student, Sociology; Cassie Denney, Staff/Student, Criminal Justice; Ronaldo Diaz; Student, Film and Electronic Arts; Dr. Michael J. Dumas, Faculty, Education; Thalia Duran, Graduate Student, Social Work; Tom Enders, Associate Vice President, Enrollment Services; Denise Espinoza, Student, Psychology; Dr. Gabriel S. Estrada, Faculty, American Indian Studies; Mike Foster, Faculty, Social Work; Dr. Ragan Fox, Faculty, Communication Studies; Dr. Henry J. Fradella, Faculty /Chair, Criminal Justice; Aunnie Ganier, Student/LGBT Resource Center Student Coordinator; Women’s Studies; Jessica Garcia, Student, Women’s Studies; Desirée Giffard, Student, Women’s Studies; Greg Glenn, Graduate Student, Religious Studies; Sarah Gomez, Student, Women’s Studies; Gabriela Gonzalez, Student, Psychology; Alicia Gutierrez, Student, Social Work; Erin Hale, Student, Women’s Studies; Deborah Hamm, Faculty, Teacher Education & Liberal Studies; Brittany Hanson, Student, Journalism; Megan Harris, Alum, Women’s Studies; Dr. Diane Hayashino, Psychologist, Counseling and Psychological Services; E. Salvador Hernandez, Student/LGBT Resource Center Student Coordinator; Art Education & Printmaking; Al Herrera, Student/Friend of the Center; Psychology & Sociology; Sarah Hess, Distance Education Course Producer, University College and Extension Services; Kim Hinckson, Advisor, Associated Student Government; Alison R. Hoffman, Faculty, Women’s Studies; Josh House, Graduate Student, Communication Studies; TJ Huberg, Graduate Student, Communication Studies; Chuck Hulsey, Office Manager, Child Welfare Training Centre; Jennie Hurley, Program Coordinator; President’s Scholars Program; Pablo Ildefonso, Student, Chicana/o and Latina/o Studies & Sociology; Gary Ioama, Student, Japanese & Asian Studies; Kentaro Iwamoto, Student, Geography; Kelly Janke, Graduate Student, Communication Studies; Dr. Michael Johnston, Psychologist/Training Director, Counseling and Psychological Services; José Juarez, Student, Art; Wandie Kabule, Student, Journalism; Dr. Jeff Klaus, Director, Student Life and Development; Ashleigh Klein, Student, Women’s Studies; Benny Lemaster, Alum, Women’s Studies & Sociology; Michael Leshnak, Student, Business Operations Management & Management; Dori Levy, Faculty, Dance; Joel Lopez, Student, Fashion Merchandising; Michael T. Losquadro, Associate Vice President for Development, University Relations and Development; Nikki Low, Student, Psychology; Wendy Lucas, Administrative Coordinator, Communication Studies; Susan Luévano, Librarian, University Library & Academic Technology Services; Melissa Lyon, Graduate Student, Communication Studies; Chawin Oak Mahavan, Student; Gaudencio Marquez, Graduate Student, Social Work; DeAnn Martz, Assistant Director, Student Transition and Retention Services & Student Orientation, Advising, and Registration; Erin McAlear, Graduate Student, Communication Studies; Shelena McClinton, Treasurer, Associated Student Government; Dr. Betsy McEneaney, Faculty, Sociology; Elizabeth Meador, Student, Women’s Studies; Mariana Mejorada-Velazquez, Student, Human Development & English Rhetoric and Composition; Diane Mendoza, Graduate Student/Staff, Educational Psychology; Kaylie Miller, Student, Sociology; Latasia Miller, Student, Sociology; Minodora Moldoveanu, Graduate Student, Communication Studies; Lucy Montano, Vice President, Associated Student Government; Lisa Nakasone, Student/Friend of the Center, Psychology; Rebeca Noriega, Student, Theatre Arts & Journalism; Norman Ornelas, Jr., Student, Geography; Chris Patti, Faculty, Communication Studies; Linda Peña, Health Education Assistant, Student Health Services Health Resource Center; Eric Perez, Student, Art; Maria Perez, Student, Women’s Studies; Kashif Powell, Graduate Student, Communication Studies; Sonia Quiñonez, Student, Mechanical Engineering; Leslie Ramos, Graduate Student, Communication Studies; Dr. Karen Rasmussen, Faculty, Communication Studies; Reyna Raya, Student, Biology; Dr. Jennifer Reed, Faculty, Women’s Studies; Dr. Perrin Reid, Director, Office of Equity and Diversity; Wendy Relich, Graduate Student, Communication Studies; Dr. Marc Rich, Faculty, Communication Studies; Julie Rivett, Graduate Student, Communication Studies; Dr. Subrina Robinson, Friend of the Center; Antonio Rodriguez, Friend of the Center; Matt Roumiguiere, Graduate Student, Communication Studies; Jamie Salas, Student, Psychology; Elizabeth M. Sanchez, Accounts Payable Clerk, University Bookstore; Melissa Sanchez, Student, Women’s Studies & Sociology; Dr. Anna Sandoval, Faculty, Chicana/o and Latina/o Studies; Natasha Sandoval, Graduate Student, Communication Studies; Gennica Santa Cruz, Student; Gina Shafer, Student; Creative Writing & Literature; Nicoal Sheen, Student, Theatre Arts; Ashlie Siefkes, Graduate Student, Communication Studies; Katie Sipes, Student, Women’s Studies; Ryan Smith, Faculty, Communication Studies; Dr. Clifton Snider, Faculty, English; Jeffrey Au Spafford, Student, Journalism & Public Relations; Dr. Sherry Span, Faculty, Psychology; Linzie Starr III, Friend of the Center; Erik Storholm, Graduate Student, Research Psychology; Shantiqua Stuart, Graduate Student, Communication Studies; Kirsten Sumpter, Academic Counselor, Bickerstaff Academic Center; Jamila Tahir, Student, Women’s Studies; Dr. Shira Tarrant, Faculty, Women’s Studies; Dr. Dean Toji, Faculty; Asian and Asian American Studies; Diana Tran, Student/Friend of the Center; Business Management; John Trapper, Student Media Advisor, Associated Students, Inc.; Michael Trujillo, Student, Psychology; Councilmember Tonia Reyes Uranga, Long Beach City Council - District 7, Friend of the Center; Reyna M. Velarde, Graduate Student, Communication Studies; Jenna Vitta, Graduate Student, Communication Studies; Summer Wagner, Graduate Student, Communication Studies; The Reverend Julia Wakelee-Lynch, Episcopal Chaplain, University Interfaith Center; Marlena Weisbrot, Student, Psychology; Jamie Wiles, Faculty, Communication Studies; Dr. Bianca D.M. Wilson, Faculty, Psychology; Marina Wood, Student, Women’s Studies; Cindy Wu, Staff, Center for International Education; Paul Zappia, Student, Illustration; Steve Zimmerle, Computer Store Buyer/Manager, Bookstore.

Sponsored by the Faculty and Staff of California State University, Long Beach, The Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Resource Center, Associated Students, Inc., Counseling and Psychological Services, & The Division of Student Services Campus Collaborators include Delta Lambda Phi National Social Fraternity – Rho Chapter of CSULB, LGBT Artist Collective, Rainbow Alliance, Queer-Ink, & F.O.R.C.E. Collective Make sure you are included in OUTLIST 2008. Sign up today by visiting www.csulb.edu/centers/lgbtrc..

Roby Saavedra is a fifth

year art student, whose focus is illustration. Despite the copious amounts of homework that the art department is known for piling on their victims, he has somehow found the time to work on his comic book, Acquire Consume. In fact, comic books are one of Roby’s biggest influences when it comes to his art. His drawing, like much comic art, has a pop art simplicity, but a closer look rePortraits by Ryan Kobane veals a narrative complexity.

When it comes to other artists, Roby looks to Dan Clowes (Ghost World, Like A Velvet Glove Cast in Iron), Adrian Tomine (Optic Nerve), and Charles Burns (Black Hole) for inspiration. He also mentioned love as one of his major influences. But like Adrian Tomine, who periodically illustrates for The New Yorker and Charles Burns, who draws the cover of Dave Eggers’ magazine, The Believer every month, Roby’s aspirations do not begin and end with comic books.

Though he especially enjoys drawing the elderly, Roby doesn’t limit himself. “I just want to draw what people tell me to draw,” he said, when asked what he planned to do with his art degree, “as long as I get to draw, I’ll be happy.” While that may not be the typical response you’d expect from an art student, it is a realistic one, and Roby is a far cry from typical art student. He seems completely unaffected by the pretension that often grips aspiring artists.

Roby puts on no airs—he’s just a down-to-earth college student who happens to be pretty handy with a pen.

Dhamee Hahn

Last summer I had the pleasure of bonding with Miss Dhamee Hahn in Pamplona, Spain during the running of the bulls during the summer of ’06. She was one of the only women running, which was particularly difficult after a night of partying and sleeping at a bus stop, but she did it and ran all the way to the arena among the pissed-off bulls. She was studying art that summer in Florence, but her talents go back to the 6th grade when she started painting and expressing herself.

She was introduced to metal work two years ago and immediately fell in love, saying, “I like to beat and hit things and metal won’t call the police.” With one look at her various metal pieces and jewelry, someone can easily see her natural approach to what most people think of as an industrial art.

This unique look has roots in her other artistic endeavors.

Dhamee says that the medium she finds most fascinating is fiber art, the weaving and dyeing, what she refers to as the “organicness” of it all. “I’m not about angles and straight lines,” she said of her style, which is clear in the imperfections and natural flow of the surfaces of her pieces, avoiding the stiff and cold look that most metal art seems to transfer.

She just hopes to be able to convey her feelings in a way that doesn’t require and explanation like many pieces seen today. This simplistic and earthy influence can be witnessed at her BFA show in the Marilyn Werby gallery on upper campus on October 21st. I’ll be there trying to convince her to make cuff links for me and enjoying her work across all the media she was exposed to in the Art Department here on campus.

Justin Hansohn is unlike anyone you’ve ever

met. The 22 year old self-proclaimed survivalist is that one guy out of ten who actually practices what he preaches. Refusing to conform to societal institutions, Hansohn is making an effort to distinguish himself from the masses through art taken from the masses. After falling into art randomly as a transfer from CSU Northridge, he began to experiment in printmaking and mixed media, making art that reflected his daily thoughts and changing attitudes. Currently he has become involved in mixed media collages using bits and pieces of existing art and modifying them until they become something entirely different. Hansohn seems disinterested in conveying a particular message. Rather, he defines the motives behind his work as, “just a moment that you’ve decided not to translate as anything else and allows the participants freedom from anything.” At the moment, Hansohn explains that he is most interested in using the system to his advantage and exploiting the opportunity to take classes, learn something, and in general use the resources available to him as a college student to improve his work without focusing on putting any sort of label on it. “It’s art,” he says, “but I’m not going to let you call it that until I get paid.”

He cites his influences as fellow student and friend Neil Mathis, unorthodox mixed-media artist Fred Tomaselli, metalwork and sculpture specialist Makoto Yamamoto, and LSD. Whatever it is, it’s working. He explains that he doesn’t want to label what he’s doing as art because he doesn’t want to be a slave to the constraints of the institution. This is one guy who really, really doesn’t want to be another cog in the wheel. “WIth that freedom [as an artist] comes the choice to turn that moment into monies. Freedom, money, art. You have the ability to cross all lines. For money? For free? Art is ultimate freedom unless you are a slave to money. Ultimate freedom is then a slave to money. I am not an artist, I am free.”

Caitie Rolls is one of many resident artists that grace our campus with their creativity. If you don’t know her

name, you should, and lucky for you, here’s your chance.

She is a self-described “happy accident” but not in the way you’re thinking, you perv. Way back in the days of pigtails she won a series of art classes. By such a subtle twist of fate she realized her creative calling. Art is nothing short of in her blood, but the genes may have skipped a generation as she admits her parents are both accountants. She attributes her artistic alleles to her Grandparents.

That very same eight year-old is now our very own up-and-comer. She hopes to see her future go in the direction of advertising, freelance illustrator, or painter. She’s not going for the “I have a Rolls in my living room” vibe; recognition is merely a side effect of art that she could take or leave.

Her visions are pure and simple, “Let’s be basic and a little hippie, we just need more love in the world.”

And really, can anyone argue? She sees herself sending messages of happiness, peace and something to think about. Her influences include abstract oils painter Cecily Brown and illustrator Ralph Steadman from Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. Her beloved media of art are graphite or charcoal for her illustrations and oils for her paintings. No matter the medium or genre, she has a clear philosophy of art, “There’s so many different visions of art, really anyone can do it, just have a vision.” So if you’re ever inspired to pick up a paintbrush, think of Caitie and give it a shot. If you’re strictly in the viewing business then keep an eye out for Caitie Rolls’ work.

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Long Beach Union Weekly • The Students’ Newspaper

15 October 2007

I

wet your palette

bet you wish you could wake up early in the morning, walk into class and just have someone strip

off their clothes for you. Well that is the life of the art student. We experience the type of education that many wish they could have, hands-on and down and dirty.

The art student has the advantage of learning by practice rather than just regurgitating a load of words and phrases from yet another bland generic textbook.

However, art isn’t all fun and games. While others walk into the bookstore every semester and drop a couple hundred dollars on textbooks the average art student spends the bulk of their funds on art supplies, caffeine, and tons of psychedelic “supplements” to get them through those forty-eight hour art sessions. Sure, it may look easy, but when you have three art classes demanding individual masterpieces busted out every week, the sanity of an art student leans farther over the edge than any other student on campus.

The life of an art student does have its moments though. Ask any fledgling artist to show you their work over the years and you’ll be shocked by how much of their homework hasn’t ended up in the bottom of a birdcage, as it does with so many other majors. As others blow past their few years of college, the art student is in it for the long haul, typically spending five to seven years living it up amidst the scholastic orgy that is Cal State Long Beach.

So, when you walk through campus this week and see those kids with their toolboxes and awkward gigantic pads of paper just think that these kids are living the life you only wish you could have. These are the people that are living the dream of the art student.

Patrick Ballard is not one of your typi-

cal artists and you definitely won’t find his art on the walls of a Motel 6. The genre of art that he typically creates is what you would describe as experimental.

Rather than sticking to one medium, he explores all types—even some items that you would find in your local grocery store. Ranging from large canvases to cheap beef cutlets, he is able to explore the spectrum of art that most people wouldn’t even touch.

Patrick strays away from the kind of art that people at CSULB are used to. He pushes the boundaries of conventional art as well as his own.

From a young age, he was already starting his artistic process. His parents exposed him to all types of interests and let him choose his own profession.

With the support and stimulation he received from his parents, his art does not consist of the visual alone. Patrick is part of a band that experiments with the texture of noise and sound. You won’t find him in a garage, but most likely in a performance art theater. As well as creating audio and visual art, he is also performance artist. You would think that he just dabbles in these types of art, but he fully submerges himself in all the art that he creates and performs, making him truly unique.

His next work is going to be a collage done on a very large canvas. He says that “All art is expressed through everything.” Patrick believes that art can be expressed in many ways. To him, people like Einstein are artists because they are able to express themselves though their work. With that said, he also likes the incorporate science into his work. Though his work is unconventional, it is meaningful and important to him. People are not used to straying away from the norm, but Patrick is able to show us that normal isn’t the only good thing out there. That there is more to life than just the art they tell us is acceptable. He is going to have a show at The Acclaim on First Street in the near future if anyone is interested in seeing his work. Patrick is definitely one of those artists you need to check out.

you wish you were an art student

15 October 2007

Vishal Goklani,

according to his Facebook account, is “a cyborg who traveled back in time to see how human life has evolved.” That’s just his day job, however. The rest of the time he is an innovative photography and wood major who builds custom drums in his spare time.

Vishal hasn’t been into fine art all his life, though. Always interested in photography as a hobby, Goklani began his college experience planning to major in something “fitting for a young Indian boy,” like engineering or business economics. After taking his first art class, however, he discovered that he loved the handson component of art education and realized he wanted to turn an interest into a career. Some of you may have seen his recent collaboration with Jahan Khavavipour at the Merlino Gallery on campus two weeks ago. In the installation, visitors would be first led to a room filled with various household objects: a microwave, Wheat-Thins, and a thinly disguised surveillance camera, among other things. They then entered a second room, filled with television sets portraying different things, including tape of the viewers themselves in the first room. Vishal explains that he and Jahan were trying to create an experience where viewers would be forced to recontextualize themselves. “We wanted to question what it means to sit on a bed with a bunch of strangers and watch yourself on film during a time you didn’t know you were being watched.”

Goklani credits his inspiration David Hockney, a famous Pop Artist, and Michel Gondry, a well-known surrealist filmmaker and director as his inspirations. In the future, he sees himself as a freelance artist, free to create and experiment at will. Eventually he would like to gain a master’s credential in Europe and use his experiences to give back to the art community as a professor."

Long Beach Union Weekly • The Students’ Newspaper

9

Salinger’s New York Travels To India Review of The Darjeeling Limited

scotch-drinking brothers as they journey through India, even having the youngest of the brothers (Jason Schwartzman) occasionally write short stories, sharing them with n the annals of American auteur filmmakers there has his older brothers (Anderson-newcomer scant been a name more widely popularized than Wes Adrien Brody and Owen Wilson who has Anderson. Thanks mostly to his surprise sleeper hit The been in four of Anderson’s five films and Royal Tenenbaums, Anderson is one of the very few writer/ consequently co-wrote the first three). directors who enjoys the perks normally reserved for more The camera moves in ways that are fabankable Hollywood directors, namely perks such as actual miliar to Anderson fans yet acts more as advertising and famous faces. an observer of the action—not dictated In the style Anderson has very much established as his own, by the characters or their emotions, rather drawing on “French New Wave” and “seventies American,” The moving on its own free will, viewing the Darjeeling Limited continues the Anderson tradition of familiar characters as they work through their isfaces and familiar looks and familiar pan jokes. Shot by long-time sues instead of becoming one of them, succollaborator Robert Yeoman and starring Rushmore grad Jason cessfully creating a feeling of patience that Schwartzman (who also co-wrote the film with his “our-fam- resonates throughout the film. And the ily-is-Hollywood” cousin Roman Coppola, and Anderson), The pacing is relaxed, almost languid, followDarjeeling Limited also continues the tradition of feeling remark- ing the ever-trudging movement of the passenger train most of ably like it was written by J.D. Salinger, or at least by one of his the action takes place on. This comfortable movement is ideal Glass Family creations. The film follows three very Glass-like, for the film and its characters as a good deal of time is spent in contemplative mode, as the brothers together and separately, in between their sibling rivalry clashes, muse on the ideas of death, love, family and what it means to care for and about one another.

Where once Anderson would be pushing the film forward, here, he is assured enough in his abilities to allow the film to meditate, to contemplate and while there is the typical humor and the familiar cadence to the speech of the characters, the music is sparse, allowing the film to move at that unabashed, knowing and steady speed, not rushing forward but allowing the characters to come to light and the story to take hold.

Long Beach Union Wkly Oct. 15 The dialogue is characteristically sharp, and in an enjoyable brotherly way, lines are trampled on

By Jason Oppliger

I

Revolution Condom

constantly, creating an unimposing, yet noticeable tone of realism in the “Salinger’s-New-York-world” that Anderson characters typically reside. The story itself felt less complete, less tied up and perfect, and more as if it was a short story itself, a part of a larger picture that has chapters running alongside epilogues that will never be seen. Where in many movies this may be a negative, here it is a strength.

The film feels unburdened by the conventions of titillating Hollywood fare and escapes the trappings of many to most “indie” films. Whereas it seems many would find The Darjeeling Limited to be smug and boring, attributes that could readily be attached to it, I instead felt it was patient and content. It felt, to use a mawkish term, “true to itself.” The film is an adventure, it is fun, and it is funny, at times acting in a way reminiscent of a lesshyper Godard, all the while feeling very Wes Anderson. And, for some the Anderson shtick has run its course, and if that is the case, this is not your movie. If, on the other hand, the auteur, Anderson is still your cup of tea, come take a ride.

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Halloween Has Never Been This Sexy Long Beach Union Weekly • The Students’ Newspaper

15 October 2007

Brand New The Wiltern Los Angeles

Photo by Kevin Jara

Todos Los Chiodos $21.50

Doors at 7pm Monday, November 3rd

New York-based four piece Brand New are heading back to the West Coast for a couple of shows at the Wiltern after their very well-received live stint at the Avalon a few months ago.

Fans of emotionally charged, guitar-driven rock will be sure to delight in their energetic live show. Just remember, if you get hit on, say no; any girl at that show is guaranteed to be fourteen.

F Art Brut The Wiltern Los Angeles

$20

Doors at 8pm Wednesday, November 3rd

Art Brut touts itself as the band who’s going to write the song “that makes Israel and Palestine get along.” They might have missed their mark by just a little bit, but they certainly get an “A” for effort. Exhibiting tight-knit pop rock that stands out mostly due to its lyrics, Art Brut is sardonic and bitingly clever. But most importantly, they’re classy and they rock hard.

Of Montreal The Avalon Hollywood

$18

Doors at 8pm Thursday, November 8th

Of Montreal are infiltrating Los Angeles with their crazy-ass Vaudeville-inspired stage show and a ridiculous amount of costume changes. We would advise checking it out, because Kevin Barnes is pretty much guaranteed to do at least one of the following: put a giant lobster claw over his right arm, take off all or most of his clothes, or wear a giant dress.

Stars

Orpheum Theatre Los Angeles

$23

Doors at 8pm Saturday, November 10th

Broken Social Scene graduate Amy Milan and her vocal counterpart Torquil Campbell are guaranteed to light up the stage at the Orpheum Theatre with their beautiful chamber pop goodness. Enjoy the Orpheum, and then enjoy the fact that your girlfriend is going to be totally turned on after watching Stars’ heartwarming performance.

15 October 2007

Review by Tyler Burger

or those of you that read this magical publication regularly, you’re well aware that we’re fond of indie rock. But since we can’t do a show review on Pinback and The Shins every week, we decided to accept the fact that there are other genres of music out there and cover something different: Chiodos.

Hailing from Flint, Michigan, Chiodos is a sixpiece band that is mostly emo and hardcore. Fans of Chiodos know that the main appeal to this band besides its music is its live show. Going to a Chiodos show is probably the best way to relieve tension, second only to masturbation. I alleviated my stress by seeing Chiodos and friends at the Glass House in Pomona. Also playing that night was Pierce the Veil, Alesana, who gave the crowd a water show of saliva, and The Devil Wears Prada. The venue offered a large area for those inclined to beat the shit out of themselves and others by dancing and crowd surfing, as well as an upstairs viewing area for those who didn’t feel like being caught in a whirlpool of angry kids throwing fists and elbows as hard as they could.

I, however, can attest that there’s nothing more fun than getting to punch and hit anyone around you and get away with it. The most memorable part of my evening was having my shoe stolen while riding the crowd and being spun around just in time to see the bastard that stole it and lay a well-placed fist right in the side of his fat head.

Mixing the unique vocal range of lead singer Craig Owens and the massive guitar riffs of guitarists Pat McManamam and Jason Hale, the band was quickly able to turn the crowd into a frenzy of head banging, crowd surfing, and all-around mania.

Opening with the classic “The Words ‘Best Friend’ Redefined,” Owens went from a calm and poetic melody to a hair-raising and emotional scream in no time flat. Playing a variety of songs from their newly released album, Bone Palace Ballet, as well as the crowd favorites “No Hardcore Dancing in the Living Room” and “Baby, You Wouldn’t Last a Minute on the Creek,” during which my lucky friend was allowed to sing with Owens, Chiodos was able to fully satisfy my needs for something raw and intense. Those who are devout fans of the band will be aware of the differences of the new album compared to the ones that preceded it. Many of the songs are less intense than usual and include an increase in piano and emotionally driven lyrics. Not to say these songs aren’t well written, but they’re not something that you can go absolutely crazy to.

To my great pleasure, however, they stuck to what they are best at and kept me singing along at the top of my lungs the entire night.

At the end of the show, I left feeling completely exhausted and beaten, and yet at the same time, exhilarated and completely refreshed. I had just witnessed one of the best live shows on the music scene right now. Chiodos’ music is something completely different and original and is perfect for getting you pumped up and energized for anything that you may face. As I left the Glass House that evening, looking forward to the next morning when I would be discovering various bruises all over my body and thankfully be unable to hear a word my philosophy professor would be saying in class, I could only stand there speechless from what I had just witnessed.

Awesome.

Nothing quite like the LA scene happening. The giant roadblock known as the LA Weekly-sponsored Detour festival swings into town, cordoning off 2 square blocks around fair City Hall. This is the playground of every unrecognizable actor you’ve ever bumped into, and every rich beautiful teenager you wished you were.

Children walk past in fashions I am too old to understand and I giggle at our mutual alienation.

There are 3 kinds of people: those psyched the fest is so close to the office, those psyched it’s not on a school day, and those psyched on an extensive salvo of illicit substances. I drink only cheap Dewar’s scotch and Monster™ energy swill on the south lawn of City Hall. All festivals should have at least these two sponsors. Makes my job much easier. A beautiful woman in stupid sunglasses recommends a band to me. “They’re from Silverlake.” She says the name with emphasis.

Something about all of this feels forced. I wonder why LA Weekly would allow other press stooges, such as myself, into their festival. This girl, she asks me what I’m writing about, and I lie to her. She doesn’t tell me her name, but I recognize her from movies.

The zenith of the day comes early. I lay down in the intersection of 1st and Main and imagine my body blocking traffic. The souled-out yowls of Nico Vega, those hip new things, convert my prostration into a protest. A false protest against everything that stands between this awkward husk of myself and the starryeyed scenesters above me. They laugh as they cross

at the crosswalks, still checking for auto traffic in our roadblocked wonderland.

The rest of the fest was, with few exceptions, a grand parade towards what was sure to be a kicking afterparty.

Nobody danced too hard, nobody got too drunk, and all the DJ acts made sure not to play any of the really good shit that they’d drop on the 2am crowds at whichever nearby hole in the wall their label had set up for them. Welcome to Los Angeles. I can see why ticket sales this year were so unimpressive compared to last year’s Detour. Slowly, everyone is realizing that this is a festival only worth going to if you’re on the backstage VIP circuit: awesome to behold, but not for civilians.

The caste system is hard at work here. Thankfully, the festival is built in a circle perfect for aimless pacing by the un-elite.

-By Matt Dupree

Detour Fest Fails to Impress

Long Beach Union Weekly • The Students’ Newspaper

11

Beirut: Nothing to Balk At

Photos by Rachel Rufrano

L

ast night I was in a small Eastern European village.

I was in a dive frequented by beatniks, gypsies, and working class heroes. Cloaked in clouds of smoke and drunken laughter, I made my way towards the Parisian traveling band whose pawnshop brass and wheezing accordions weaved in and out of the creaking woodwork.

The band was called Beirut. All this and I never had to leave Los Angeles.

It was only their second time playing in LA, and I couldn’t help but think that the Avalon was the last place the European band wanted to be. At the age of sixteen, Zach Condon (trumpet, vocalist, and the mastermind behind Beirut) fled his hometown of Santa Fe, New Mexico for

Paris where he discovered the authentically traditional sounds that thrived there. After traveling through much of Eastern Europe, he went on to form a Balkan-inspired group. Today he’s not much older than you and I, barely old enough to buy liquor, but I suppose age is not an issue when you’ve been blessed with so much talent.

“Elephant Gun” was played early in the show and even though I worried they were setting the energy too high too soon, I relished in every ukulele strum and “Bron-y-Aur” stomp. Condon shortly proved me wrong: they followed with crowd favorite “Scenic World,” a poppy and movable electronic tune that was altered onstage to be rockier and more fun. Condon punched the air and waved his French horn above his head.

“Postcards from Italy” was next. People grabbed hands and waists to dance in circles, jumping towards the ceiling. I didn’t know the people next to me, but we swayed back and forth and shared mutual excitementPolyvinyl for everyRecords song.

It was somewhere in the middle of his rendition of Jacques Brel’s “Le Moribond,” an angst-driven song about his dissatisfaction with the French government and himself, that I realized why I was covered in perpetual goosebumps.

Condon was enjoying himself, the entire band was enjoying themselves, and the musicians and audience fed off each others’ exuberance to the point that the entire venue felt like one giant celebration. People were clapping and celebrating the company of others - dancing, singing, illegally lighting cigarettes, and clashing their plastic cups of cheap beer against each other.

Condon cracked jokes and spoke French to the audience, causing every female fan to swoon. But it wasn’t the French that spoke romantically to me. It was Condon’s horn playing. A small, baby-faced boy who would otherwise appear awkward and ordinary stood strong in a Miles Davis pose with his trumpet before him and played outward Beach Oct 15 andLong strong, each Union note flowing like honey over a bouncing accordion and booming bass drum.

Just when I thought the show couldn’t get any better, Condon’s accompanying members left the stage and he

stood solo with a mandolin. “I always forget the words,” he mumbled timidly into the microphone, much like the lyrics to his songs, “but I’m going to try. This is my way of saying goodbye.” He then began singing Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah” to a choir of fans. We harmonized along and when he stopped and forgot the words, screamed the next verse to him and he carried on. One of the most beautiful moments in my life was being surrounded by the soft voices repeating the words “Hallelujah” to a boy and his mandolin.

Tonight is much different. Tonight I am in Spaghettini, beside a freeway, and as my ears bleed to the deplorable sounds of smooth jazz, I look on at the old men nodding their heads and wearing their large collared shirts billowing over their dad-pants and I remember where I was the night before - singing “Hallelujah” in a smoky bar in Southeast Europe.

-By Rachel Rufrano

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12

Halloween Has Never Been This Sexy Long Beach Union Weekly • The Students’ Newspaper

15 October 2007

You Should Read:

Frank Warren

An Interview and Review By Christine Hodinh

“I

Wish I Could Be Someone’s Hero,” one reads. “It’s weird forgetting what you look like,” says another.

They’re all different, people’s secrets, emotions ranging the gamut, from excitement to desolation to hope, but they express human nature in a strikingly concise way—after all, each secret should only fit on a postcard. That’s why Postsecret.com has drawn almost 100 million views since launching in 2005, most recently winning the 2007 Bloggie for Weblog of the Year and resulting in four published collections of secrets, including A Lifetime of Secrets, which came out October 9th.

Postsecret, the brainchild of Frank Warren, started in late 2004 as an interactive art project and has since grown into one of the most popular blogs online while still remaining ad-free.

The blog puts up selected secrets every Sunday, chosen by Warren, who has received over 150,000 postcards from strangers around the world, all delivered to his home in Germantown, MD six days a week. (He’s also received, among others, a Rubik’s cube and a pound of coffee).

“You’d think that you’d get tired of looking at secrets every day,” Warren said recently via phone. “But for me, my fascination with secrets is inexhaustible, and it’s a pleasure to go to my mailbox. Sometimes, today in fact, I went to my mailbox twice

15 October 2007

before the mail even came just from the anticipation. Every day’s like Christmas.”

The cards in Warren’s newest collection, A Lifetime of Secrets, are structured around an average life: beginning with childhood, tumbling through adolescence and moving into adulthood. Yet the secrets are so far beyond average: children write of their love for their parents, wives dream of their husbands’ funerals—and even then, the cards indicate the feelings lurking behind that man walking across the street, or that lover sleeping inches away. Postsecret calls to attention how extraordinary the human experience can be, how so many wish for a normal life or a wild life, a destiny beyond their own, how some achieve it and some accept it.

“I think it frees people,” Warren says. “I think it brings out the malicious side but I think it also brings out the funny and the hopeful and the confusing. We get to see and recognize more of ourselves.”

Unlike his books, the blog does not have a formula for what will be posted each week. “On the blog, what I try and do is share secrets that are living. I like to convey the immediacy of the secrets and so they’re there one week and they’re gone the next, kind of like the secrets you keep. I think of the book more as archives, lasting records of the secrets that have been shared with me.”

Warren uses that word a lot, “share.” It’s like he’s not releasing these cards to the public but more allowing them to see what he’s been privileged enough to obtain, and he guards that responsibility like a curator with precious works of art. And that is what these cards are—every card, every secret, made all the more valuable for their unflinching truth, their raw reality.

“There are certain postcards that I just won’t read publicly...

they’re just so heartbreaking,” Warren says of traveling with his card exhibits. “It’s fine to put it in a book, but...I don’t want to break down in front of everybody.”

It’s not difficult to fathom. Some of the subject matter in these secrets, from the elderly regretting the past or self-mutilators sending Warren their last blades, are rough to sit through. It serves to help, though, to inspire. Often people will e-mail responses to that week’s secrets, which Warren posts if he feels they’re appropriate.

“Even though individually we might be dealing with issues and feelings and hopes and fears that are dark or tragic, when we share them and bring them out into this collective, you feel, even if you have your own sorrows, you feel less alone, like other people have their burdens too, and that brings a sense of solace.”

I understand. My dog Sam died of cancer the week I was supposed to write this piece; in fact, the day Warren’s book was released. Sam has been my best friend for eight years and I wasn’t sure I could handle doing anything. I was drained of all my motivation, my happiness, my tears. I took care of him and he took care of me; he comforted me when I was lonely and I held him when he died.

So when it came time to write about this world of guarded people who can only bear to tell the truth to a stranger in Maryland, I thought about how sharing these secrets might make us all feel better. Here’s mine: I realized when listening to my interview with Frank I could hear my dog bark. Just for a second, and only toward the end, but it gave me the strength to keep writing.

Now I invite everyone to share their own secrets, to release their own burden. Stick a Post-it on a wall, write on the chalkboard in the bathroom, slip it under the door of the Union office or in the bag of the person next to you in lecture. Write your secret out and share it with a stranger, and maybe it won’t be your burden anymore.

Long Beach Union Weekly • The Students’ Newspaper

13

You’re STUCK Here! By Victor! Perfecto

[Comics]

yourestuckhere@gmail.com

Crossword puzzles provided by BestCrosswords.com. Used with permission.

Koo-Koo & Luke by Jesse Blake

www.funatronics.com/kookoo

Across

Ask Father Holey

Drunken Penguin Presents... by James Kislingbury

15 October 2007

askfatherholey.com

penguinincarnate@gmail.com

Long Beach Union Weekly • The Students’ Newspaper

1- Killer whale 5- Rub vigorously 10- Writing table 14- Side 15- Japanese poem 16- Wheel shaft 17- Notion 18- Group of eight 19- Futile 20- Interprets 22- Beat 23- Fraud 24- Black, in poetry 26- Limb of a felled tree 29- Natural blue dye 31- Fill with horror 35- Away 37- Kernels 39- Potpourri 40- Liver fluid 41- Mother-of-pearl 42- Highway 43- Singles 44- Actress Chase 45- Rock 46- Fame 48- Exclamation of fright 50- Devoted follower 51- Greek fertility goddess,

flightless bird 53- Make weary 55- Zest 58- Large quantity 63- Word that can precede war, biotic and climax 64- Old Testament book 65- Meadow mouse 66- Paradise 67- Writer of lyric poetry 68- Sea-going eagle 69- Yearn 70- Fluff, as bangs 71- The closest one to us is the sun

Down 1- Auricular 2- Fix up 3- Normandy city 4- Compile, accumulate 5- System of aircraft navigation 6- Retroflex 7- Religious practice 8- Edict of the czar 9- Partially opened flower 10- Large sofa 11- Student’s final 12- Fall prey to a banana peel, say

13- Game of chance 21- Yonder thing 22- Summit 25- Loyal voting bloc 26- Toil 27- Express opinions 28- Ancient physician 30- Fortunate 32- Indifferent 33- Woody vine 34- Water-repellent cloth 36- Having recourse 38- Woman who is a traitor 41- Baseball team 45- Shrivelled, without moisture 47- “Tommy” band 49- Buccaneer 52- Residence 54- Santa’s aides 55- Scottish Celt 56- Go back, in a way 57- Type of gun 59- The most heavily populated continent on Earth 60- Permanent army post 61- Forearm bone 62- Sly look 64- Like Phoenix in summer

MEDIUM

15

VOLUME 61

GRUNION.LBUNION.COM

ISSUE 7

“Dog” Wikipedia Page Vandalized

Area Man Sets Record with Cancer-Riddled Prostate

See Turn Your Head and Cough page 8

Headlines

Paris Hilton Ditches Training Bra

The Simple Strife: Grunion writer unable to shake the feeling that this has all been done before.

I Mean...She’s Hot and All, But She’s a Butterfly Face

IT WAS THE BLURST OF WEEKS

Area KKK Member Feeling Ostracized By Group

By Calamitous Jones GRUNION WES ANDERSON Turlock, CA - As the sacred order of the Klu Klux Klan closed its ceremonies this Thursday, white-hooded men, that iconic ghastly likeness of seething hate, stood in a tight and bonded circle. Above their heads they marveled at their creation, an emblazed cross, dripping with the shards of sparse flame and tar, ushering plumes of thick smoke into the crisp night air. It seemed to be just another meeting of the KKK like all the others, but if you looked closely you could see one Klansman standing just outside the circle.

One Klansman who occasionally tried to find a slot in the circle to join it, yet, no open slots were found. In defeat, his shoulders drooped and his stature slouched, there would be no getting in the circle to stand around a giant flaming cross and hum odd susurrations tonight. Tonight, that man, Ralph Murston, would stand on the outside of the circle.

“It’s almost like lately, the guys have just been kind of treating me different, see?”

Murston confessed as, in his day clothes, he shoveled manure from a pickup bed, “Lately, I’ve just kind of been feeling left out, as if I’m somehow different and that somehow makes me bad or something. I’m just kind of

bummed.” The shift in demeanor of his fellow Klansman, according to Murston, seemingly came from nowhere, as he was unable to locate a reason for the newly expressed exclusion. “I’m telling you, one day we were all together, hating people for being different, having a grand old time, I was even friends with the Imperial Wizard and everything, and then Bam!” Murston slaps his fist into his hand for impact, “Suddenly everybody is not talking to me, not looking at me, just plain making me feel like I’m a nobody, or that I’m evil, and I don’t even know why, this is just who I am.”

Murston stops his shoveling and takes a long pause, removing his commemorative, Passion Of The Christ, ball cap and wiping his brow with his forearm, “I’m just a man.”

While the Klan is typically known for their hate of everyone except for ignorant white hillbillies, in this case Murston seems to have rubbed them the wrong way. A man who would only give his name as Carl, also a member of Murston’s chapter of the Klan, refused to go into specifics, but clues to the ostracizing of Murston were present. “I mean Ralph is an okay guy, I guess, but he just is kind of a douche-bag, and one thing that the KKK don’t stand for is douchebags,” Carl told me, that because Murston

Al Gore Continues Revenge Award Streak

A Dish Best Served Nobel: See you in 08’.

Double Standard: “Sure, I’d vote for Obama.”

is currently a member, according to their own bi-laws, they are unable to lynch him, or run him out of town. When asked what his plans were, Murston was unsure, but said he dreamed of creating another secret society in which people weren’t discriminated against based on some amorphous criteria.

“I just want to hate everyone equally.”

And just maybe, someday, Ralph Murston’s dream can come true.

Woman Celebrates Being an “8” in South Dakota

Long Beach Votes on City Tourism Tag-Lines

Sioux Falls, SD- California native “Plain” Jane Lowell, celebrated this past Saturday after being labeled an “8” for the first time on the standard 10 point hotness scale.

Lowell, who moved from Los Angeles to Sioux Falls 6 months ago to pursue a new secretarial position, had never previously been considered above a “4” on the decidedly harsher Southern California scale.

“This is a whole new beginning for me” Lowell said as she dined with co-workers during their lunch break. “I can scarcely believe it myself, especially after this botched haircut. Hopefully this is a sign that things will be looking up for me.”

Lowell was approached the day before at a Mervyn’s department store by a man whom she did not recognize. The man reportedly hit on her for at least fifteen minutes before phone numbers were exchanged.

The entire ordeal was a novel one for Lowell, who claims she met her last boyfriend on the jungle gym at Morning View Elementary 17 years ago.

“I thought he was an employee at first. He kept on asking if he could help me find a good pair of underwear to slip out of.

But apparently, that is what they call a ‘pick-up line.’ This was news to me. I need to be more keen on these things.”

The man in question, one Chad Perkins, was not available for comment, as he was arrested for shoplifting women’s underwear an hour after his encounter with Jane—a blatant parole violation from his September 2006 sexual harassment conviction.

Despite the fact that the first man to talk to her in years was, at the time of her interview, being held at South Dakota State Penitentiary for $10,000 bail, Lowell remained optimistic.

“I have a feeling this isn’t going to be the last time a man will inquire about the means to get inside of my pants. South Dakota is just stuffed full of new possibilities for me. Next stop: An orgasm.”

Long Beach, CA- This past week Long Beach City Council felt it necessary to increase tourist revenue in response to low numbers according to a 2006 report, and create some pro-Long Beach tag-lines to bring in out-of-towners. Instead of paying professional advertisers to come up with marketable slogans, City Officials decided to significantly cut costs and come up with new town slogans themselves. After minutes of deliberating and brainstorming, they all decided to go to Treasurer Sherri Wisckidik’s house—mainly because she makes a mean mac n’ chee’ from Trader Joe’s. The results of that meeting are as follows:

By Earl Grey GRUNION BIOSHOCKER

Probably a Tick Villain: Africanized Butterfly Kisses not as hot, safe as they sound.

See Poodle Google Bomb page 2

By Sophisticated Grizzly Bear GRUNION INCH GIVER

• Long Beach: Parking’s in the Next Town.

• Long Beach: Your Kid’s the Only White One in the Whole Yearbook.

• Long Beach: We Made Some Good Music in the 90s, Right?

• Long Beach: Home of Only 8 Registered Sex Offenders.

• Long Beach: We HAD a Bowling Alley.

• Long Beach: Where the Towne Center is Actually Located Outside the Town.

• Long Beach: We Were in Reservoir Dogs.

• Long Beach: We’re Big Fans of Your Town’s Baseball Team.

• Long Beach: Home of Nic Cage.

• Long Beach: Where the Tap Water Tastes Like Something...

• Long Beach: Your Neighbors Are Having Gay Sex. • Long Beach: Yeah, We’re Pretty Lax About Sanitation.

• Long Beach: It’s More of a Bay Really.

• Long Beach: Stay on the Main Road.

• Long Beach: Whoop! Pot Hole!

Disclaimer: The Grunion is now more than 3 decades old, and we have only become more debonair with age. But there is one thing that has not changed in our epic, occasionally violent history: We still are neither ASI nor GOP. The views and opinions explicitly stated or alluded to on this page still do not represent the views and opinions of the CSULB campus, nor do they necessarily adhere to the moral fabric of the writers. We do this to secure the cheap seats in the deeper, more satirical bowels of Hell, and because the elephant in the room is becoming a bit of a sass-mouth. Send rags to earlgrey@lbunion.com.

Now, chub a wub.