63.06

WALL STREET GIVES US THE FINGER

PRESIDENT F. KING LENDS US A HAND p. 9-11

OPINIONS BREAKING UP IS BULLSHIT TO DO

WHAT GETTING KICKED IN THE NUTS BY LIFE TAUGHT ME JAMES KISLINGBURY

O Illustration RACHEL RUFRANO

ver the summer I had the pleasure of having my first serious break-up. As you can imagine, it wasn’t all that much fun. In fact, it was downright horrible. There was no period in my life where I listened to more Joy Division or Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers. The irony of the situation was that, more or less, I was the one who called it off. This lead to one of the more terrible summers I’ve ever had, but as it often goes, it was also one of the more edifying ones.

The first thing that I realized is that no matter how amicable the break-up is, it’s still a miserable bastard of a thing. Our break-up in particular didn’t seem all that harsh. There weren’t any broken plates and no one cheated, but it still managed to hurt like a son of a bitch. We left the relationship with the possibility of being friends, but that did little to quash the feeling of losing something that will never return. Even if you’re entirely justified in your choice, like say your beau sold your Lupus medication for smack, you still have to tell them in person that they’re poison. The break-up, for all parties involved, is an inherently awful thing.

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Then, after a while, I discovered the period where I wanted to get back together. For some people this involves drunk, late night phone calls and Facebook stalking. Those people have the good fortune to discover that they have no hope of ever getting back together.

The rest of us get to torture ourselves with the kernel of hope that the status quo will be restored.

Time has a way of playing tricks with your memory.

It makes you forget that she hogged the mattress or that you were a deadbeat that didn’t like paying for dinner.

You forget about all the bitterness and misery both of you felt towards the end. Time wears away at all the sharp, jagged edges until it’s all rounded off and nonthreatening. Despite the fact that you probably know how bad things were, you convince yourself that going back to a broken relationship is better than moping around in your underwear watching reruns of Alias.

As much as time can screw with your head, it seems to be the only thing that can change things for the better.

If it was up to me, immediately after the relationship officially ended I would have been put into cyrogenic freezer and thawed out once the mourning period ended. Unfortunately, I was told by my doctor that such a thing was not only impossible, it was borderline illegal. Once that idea got shot down, I talked to the people in my life that I trusted the most. They all agreed that it was just going to take time. So, for an indefinite amount of time I was going to get kicked around by my emotions. It was just going to suck until it didn’t.

I’m not normally on campus on Wednesday and, on this particular one, I had even more of a reason not to be because I was nursing a hangover with a side of severe nausea. On any other day, I would have laid in bed and meditated on the mistakes that brought me to where I was, but I decided that I wasn’t going to let that get in the way of my responsibilities. As I arrived on campus, I almost immediately ran into my ex-girlfriend. It took us about two minutes of conversation before my hangover caught up with me and I started puking into a nearby trashcan.

As she waited for me to finish up, it occurred to me that there were very few people on Earth that would put up with me vomiting in public. I was lucky to have spent time with one of those people. All of the bullshit was worth it, because it managed to imbue me with some semblance of hope and some idea of what a healthy relationship looks like—something no amount of Joy Division seemed to do.

OPINIONS I HIT A GUY WITH MY CAR MATT DUPREE

Everything seems so very upside down this week. OJ’s going to prison (where he’ll probably write a new book called “If I Hadn’t Done It”), Kimbo Slice got his majestically bearded face beat in, and Sarah Palin’s garnering press for not embarrassing her dwindling armies of six pack-wielding troglodytes. Perhaps Halloween has come early this year, and the barriers between our normally rational world and the crazy-ashell spirit world have come down. I hope so, because I could certainly use some trick-ortreating to pick up my crazy-as-hell spirits.

You see, I’ve officially reached the crisis point in my job search. Rent approaches, and I can only depend on my kleptomania for one meal each day. Plus there are those books that my teachers keep testing me on, and the mousy girl in front of me in class is getting tired of my constant eavesdropping.

Now job searches are never easy at the beginning of the school year. There’s a grand influx of incoming frosh in need of income to pay for their ridiculously high dorm costs. That leaves all of the cushy pseudo-jobs out of my search parameters, and seriously digs into the on-campus possibilities. For someone who is forced to make the trip onto campus, the idea of extra trips out to an off-campus gig is a concept that can really only be sweetened by awesome pay or rewarding work. Which brings me to my next point: Bush has destroyed awesome pay and rewarding work. Okay, perhaps a bit of an oversimplification, but let’s agree on three points: Bush is a powerful fucker who’s been in the pocket of the very rich (they got some deep pockets, ‘na mean?), the economy has been sucky to all those but the very rich, and the tanking economy has dried up all the extra sweet jobs that would normally go to extra sweet dudes such as myself. In summation: I paid a bunch of taxes, so somebody owes me some work. So there’s really not much left to do but pound the pavement each day, pretending each day of wasted effort is building some invisible mountain of job karma, by which some day the employment gods will open wide the gates of their kingdom to me. It probably won’t be some sinecurist gig writing witty columns every day (but I’d be great at that, right?), but I could certainly find enjoyment washing dishes given the chance.

On my way out, let me really punctuate this point: it’s important not to get worked up about the silly things in life. And a job to pay for rent, bills, and beer definitely qualifies as a silly thing. Someday I’ll look back at this personal economic crisis and realize how laughable it all was, and that’s how I’m trying to see it now. So let’s all Kumbaya out for a moment and appreciate the little shit. ‘Cause you never know when something catastrophic might actually land in your lap.

A COOL SUNDAY MORNING WHERE I HAD FUN ANDY KNEIS

A

few weeks ago I was driving in my white Dodge (IRONY!!!) and I hit some chump riding his bike. Of course, this loser wasn’t walking his bike across the crosswalk (a law) so I was clearly in the right. I drove away from the scene with my head held high knowing this criminal was going to be apprehended by the police once someone found his lifeless body on the street (don’t worry, he was okay, he didn’t even get a concussion [funny]).

While I did get to dish out some awesome vigilante justice, there are some downsides to injuring another human being with your automobile.

First off, it was scary. I was working on my Christopher Walken impression in the rearview mirror and all of a sudden I see a big tall stick bug man not walking his bike across the crosswalk.

My adrenaline was still pumping after I nailed the impression. What would you have done in my situation? Also his bike hooked onto my bumper for a while and it made the most piercing

screech noise you wouldn’t believe. Those are the only two bad things I can remember, but then a few days later there was a spider next to my pretzels in the pantry.

Of course I cannot condone the average person going out and laying down some “car law.” You cannot imagine what your body goes through after doing something so outstanding: once I made it home I started high-fiving my reflection in the bathroom mirror. Hard. I couldn’t stop. I woke up in a pool of blood a few hours later. I knew I still needed to breathe the fire out of my lungs!

I slammed my copy of The Matrix into my DVD player and I did all the moves and said all the lines along with Neo. Awesome. Saving the world from evil robots or computers (not sure on the plot?) is enough to calm me down regardless of the situation. When the movie was over I was finally breathing steadily and my perfect abs and chest were covered in beer (I don’t remember how this happened).

I was finally able to calm down a bit and go to sleep. I think I had a dream about a baby cat (symbolism?).

It was a very bittersweet night in retrospect. If you can take one thing away from my experience I hope you can learn that crime never pays (unless you count cars as payment! [they don’t count]). People, like the punk I hit, are everywhere, so keep your eye open. If you see a criminal cooking up some crime it is your duty as a citizen to make sure they get what’s coming to them: a nice trip to the clink or hospital (same thing basically).

GETTING HIT BY A CAR: NOT TOO SHABBY THAT IS, IF YOU’RE LUCKY ENOUGH TO BE UNCONSCIOUS JOE HAUSER You wake up in a hospital. Strangers are cutting up your clothes because your back might be broken. You pass out. You wake up again and immediately lean over, vomit on the floor and pass out once more. You are then woken up and told to leave. This happened to me on Sunday, September 14th after I got hit by a car on my bike, and knocked unconscious.

It turns out getting hit by a car isn’t that bad. If you’re lucky enough to get knocked out you won’t remember a thing so there’s nothing to gripe about. The worst thing about getting hit by a car is all the shit you have to go through afterwards. I had to deal with the hospital, and the police department on top of the 18 units I’m taking this semester.

When I was released from the hospital, I received no information about the state my body was in. I did end up, however, with10 pages talking about the hospital’s medical information release policy. It took me two weeks, 5 signatures and an hour’s wait till I could get my own information. Once I got my information I was even more confused than before. The report said I was suffering from “post-concussive syndrome” (confusion, nausea, memory loss, etc.) which you can only get from a concussion. But my CT scan says my skull and brain received no injury. Hmm, that’s peculiar.

A few days after the accident, I was able to stand up and think cohesively and I started to wonder whatever

happened to my bike. It’s a nice Gary Fisher that ran me about 300 dollars and is my primary means of transportation. So, logically, I call the police department figuring they would know where it is. The dispatch connects me to the bike warehouse where the officer would have sent my bike. The warehouse didn’t have it and the woman who ran it called all the substations throughout the city and none of them had it either. Again, peculiar.

Moreover, I still have no clue what happened that night—how I got hit, where I got hit, who hit me. I call the police once more, my faith in them slowly draining, and ask for the police officer who gave me nothing more than his name, badge number, and police report number.

“He’s not going to be working for the next three days. No, I don’t know whom you could call to get that information.

I don’t know. I don’t know.”

Luckily, I work for the University Police (don’t be hatin’) and my corporal, working with the great Chief Skipworth, managed to track down my police report.

I got hit on Ximeno and 10th, 1 a.m. Sunday morning, there was one witness, and it was a white Dodge who hit me and he booked it out of there. Ok, with this information I feel I got some closure on the whole ordeal. Then I get to the last page of the report. It was a copy of a citation I got that said I didn’t walk through a crosswalk and that I was in no emotional state to receive the ticket at the scene. Of course I wasn’t. I was fucking unconscious.

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OPINIONS THE “ME” GENERATION

FACEBOOK DOESNT RUIN PEOPLE, PEOPLE RUIN PEOPLE KATHY MIRANDA

M

y fingers are gently tapping on the surface of my keyboard as I ponder, What shall my status be today? “Kathy Miranda has an ace up her sleeve.” No, too suspicious. “Kathy Miranda is always mistaken for the enemy.” Definitely not, too insecure.

“Kathy Miranda is wondering where the rain went.” Pfft, that’s obvious. “Kathy Miranda would go out tonight, but she hasn’t got a stitch to wear.” Ahh, Perfect.

“Oh no, another social networking website article?

Give me a break,” you cry. Ah, but on the contrary my fellow colleagues, the slew of recent social networking articles printed in the last few years have suggested that MySpace and Facebook will end up ruling the world— bollocks I say! Let us be fair here. We must ask ourselves, “What does Facebook do for us?” Is it merely an evil tool designed to satiate the appetites of our vanity-driven, apathetic “Me” generation or is it only another reminder of our obvious denial of social incompetence?

Facebook’s appeal to the youth is clear; people can create their own idea of themselves and project it as truth on a webpage that is displayed to millions of people.

A new pseudo-celebrity world is then created, and it’s addicting in the same way trashy tabloid magazines are: the boundaries of privacy are crossed, allowing us to indulge in other people’s lives simply because we can.

This carving and shaping of an identity is comforting because we’re allowing people to meet the version of ourselves we like the most. Whether or not that version is true is a concern, among many, that doesn’t need to be confronted in the Facebook realm. Not to mention how convenient this arms-length social interaction is for our technologically-driven society. I mean really, count the hours you’ve spent in front of your computer versus the time you’ve spent out in the real world. I’ll bet your sweet new Macbook got more lovin’ than even the idea of having a picnic or taking a walk.

Facebook’s success as a medium of advertising our personalities doesn’t promote community or self-confidence more than it actually hinders it.

Essentially, we’re all contributing to a fake community with fake people. But this is only part of the problem.

The evident gray area of social interaction created by the computer screen has nearly conditioned our generation to resort to web-based friendships instead of personal ones. As a result, this phenomenon holds all the potential to discourage people from ever meeting at all, eliminating the idea of personal communication completely, but does Facebook really

have that much control to do so? Absolutely not.

I don’t think Facebook is an epidemic, nor do I think it’s the future. The real problem here isn’t the website. It’s both the lack and abundance of time that we can’t seem to manage. You’ve heard this many times before. We live in a grind; a fast-paced, unrelenting hustle that our society has endorsed and executed without question. To put it simply, we are too fucking busy. We find ways to compensate by creating a fastpaced community in order to feel like we have any sense of community, and identity, at all. Ironically, this is all followed by a daily routine of wasted time spent checking our Facebooks and updating our profiles, which you may not realize acts as only a temporary escape from your real world responsibilities. And what better escape than one that involves talking about ourselves, right? It’s too convenient for us, too easy, but only because we allow it to be.

So, who’s the bad guy here, Facebook or well, us?

Can we blame a website for our social ineptness or are we just too arrogant and self-important to confront our own flaws? If your panties are all stuck in a bunch about Facebook, then just quit, ignore it. But the reality is Facebook isn’t the problem, we are. It’s only until we learn how to employ a balance between personal and internet communication will we see the true benefits of social networking over the web. Really, what does it hurt to share a few photos with our friends, keep in touch and shoot some shit over the internet? Nothing.

Actually, it can be quite fun. That is, if you let it.

MAN VS. WILD; ME VS. THE BEAST

ENCOUNTERS WITH A RAVENOUS MAMMAL OF PREY JASON OPPLIGER

Illustration RACHEL RUFRANO

It’s dark. It’s ten. I’m tired and dour and walking.

Among the stragglers here on this weekday night, campus is quiet, I’m silent. Not even the rubber soles of my shoes touching the cement emit noise. I expect nothing of tonight. I have graciously designated the evening for eating frozen, plastic-wrapped pizza and drinking glass-bottled beer. I’ll go easy on tonight I say, he needs a break. Inevitably through the walking, my thoughts ramble towards the mundane and insane and I’m lost in them almost to the point of not knowing where I am. This, it should be noted, happens to me a lot. There’s a flash in my periphery. Shadows on shadows, like a glimpse of a ghost. I barely process the information. Then, trotting towards me on the sidewalk is a Coyote. For real. I stop. He stops. In the night, we gaze at each other. Now I’m standing seven feet from a killer. Matted fur and Bride of Frankenstein tail. Incisors like a Tiger.

But I’m prepared for this I tell myself; I’ve watched Man vs. Wild. I know that most issues can be solved by taking my clothes off, but that seems unsuitable for this particular “vs. wild” situation. I look at him again, the bushy fox tail betraying the snarling saber-teeth and pure maniacal bloodlust pulsing through the ragged creature. Wait. Am I sure that is a coyote and not just some kind of strange dog that looks exactly like a coyote? Fuck, that is totally a coyote. He’s smaller than I imagined. I check my sides to see if maybe for some reason I’m carrying a handgun (most likely a revolver) to frighten off the wild beast, I’m not. That’s perhaps for the best, because I suddenly have the urge to kill this animal and put its head above my fireplace, although, he’s UNION WEEKLY

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probably one of just nine remaining wild animals in the city of Long Beach. My tone changes. I speak into the night, to the Coyote: “You’re one of the Long Beach Nine, aren’t you little guy?” Suddenly I’m on his side. I’m championing his late night escapades.

After all, I have no livestock to protect and as a child I watched with exponentially dwindling hope as the roadrunner again and again escaped the grasp of the Wile E. Coyote. He always looked so hungry and so sad. And with youthful naiveté, I always expected the Coyote to eventually win. I now want to take this coyote home and teach him how to hunt roadrunner.

Training exercise montages flash through my head.

We run down the beach together, an effigy of a roadrunner attached to a pulley system and us, shotguns in hand, one futuristically affixed to his back, eagerly tromp after it.

All the while this coyote is just looking at me. He licks his chops. Oh fuck. Maybe he’s looking at me because he wants to… Eat. Me. And right now he’s considering if he could. If I were a coyote and I came across my skinny ass all alone on West Campus, the dark of night filling every inch, moonlight scarce and… actually, I should definitely invest in a rape whistle. But he’s still here. El coyote peligroso. Looking at me. Pinche Coyote. Why am I talking in Spanish? This coyote has unnerved me. With those beady little eyes piercing through the fabric of my humanity, of all of the ways I exist without having to cross paths with animals like this in the night. He stares past my carpeted apartment with my fucking refrigerator, past my internet and my car and these streetlights and the fields of blacktop coating our town. All the ways I protect myself. My locks and keys and gates and cops and car alarms and security cameras. Could he eat me? In all the ways that I have

sterilized my connection to the planet I live on, our Air Conditioning, our Orkin Men, those infernal Vegas golf courses, could this animal still fucking chew me to death? I see my bloody carcass: trachea ripped apart, the savage, his muzzle almost black in the night with my blood gnawing at my shoulder, tendons snapping like rubber bands. And then he scurries off. I want to ask him so many questions. A lot about the earth and our society and the connection between the two, but it’s too late. He’s run off, across what is now “Beach Blvd” and towards the sacred burial grounds of a bygone civilization.

I shrug and keep walking toward my car where I will get in, turn on the motor, tune in the radio, drop it into gear and forget all about anything that I can’t buy or sell or own.

ISSUE 63.06 “If you don’t care for obscenity, you don’t care for vince.union@gmail.com kathym.union@gmail.com

MATT DUPREE

matt.dupree@gmail.com Senior Editor KATRINA SAWHNEY katrina.union@gmail.com News Director RACHEL RUFRANO rachel.union@gmail.com Opinions Editor VINCENT GIRIMONTE vince.union@gmail.com Sports Editor VICTOR CAMBA victorpc.union@gmail.com Comics Editor KATIE REINMAN reinman.union@gmail.com Creative Arts Editor MICHAEL VEREMANS scarf.union@gmail.com Creative Writing Editor SOPHISTICATED BEAR bear.grun@gmail.com Grunion Editor CAITLIN CUTT caitlincutt.union@gmail.com Literature Editor & PR JOE BRYANT joeb.union@gmail.com Entertainment Editor SEAN BOULGER seanb.union@gmail.com Music Editor & PR KATHY MIRANDA kathym.union@gmail.com Culture Editor CLAY COOPER, STEVEN CAREY Graphic Designers CHRIS LEE photos4union@gmail.com Photo Editor JOE BRYANT Copy Editing Coordinator, On-Campus Distribution CLAY COOPER clay.union@gmail.com Internet Caregiver KATRINA SAWHNEY katrina.union@gmail.com Advertising Executive ALLAN STEINER allan.union@gmail.com Advertising Executive ANDREW WILSON, ALAN PASSMAN, JASON OPPLIGER, CHRISTINE HODINH, JESSE BLAKE, JAMES KISLINGBURY, DOMINIC MCDONALD, HILLARY CANTU, RUSSELL CONROY, KEN C., BRIAN NEWHARD, ANDREW LEE, TYLER DINLEY, CHRISTINA CRAIG, SERGIO ASCENCIO, MICHAEL MERMELSTEIN, SEAN BERNHOFT, JENNY LONG, MATT LINZMEIER, CHELSEA ROSENTHAL, JOE HAUSER, ANDY KNEIS, JESSICA WILLIAMS Contributors Disclaimer and Publication Information The Union Weekly is published using ad money and partial funding provided by the Associated Students, Inc. All Editorials are the opinions of the writer, and are not necessarily the opinions of the Union Weekly, the ASI, or of CSULB. All students are welcome and encouraged to be a part of the Union Weekly staff.

All letters to the editor will be considered for publication. However, CSULB students will have precedence.

All outside submissions are due by Thursday, 5 PM to be considered for publishing the following week and become property of the Union Weekly. Please include name, major, class standing, and phone number for all submissions. They are subject to editing and will not be returned. Letters will be edited for grammar, spelling, punctuation, and length. The Union Weekly will publish anonymous letters, articles, editorials and illustrations, but they must have your name and information attached for our records. Letters to the editor should be no longer than 500 words.

The Union Weekly assumes no responsibility, nor is it liable, for claims of its advertisers. Grievance procedures are available in the Associated Students business office.

Questions? Comments?

MAIL : 1212 Bellflower Blvd. Suite 256A, Long Beach, CA 90815 PHONE : 562.985.4867 FAX : 562.985.5684 E-MAIL : info@lbunion.com WEB : www.lbunion.com

the truth; if you don’t care for the truth, watch how you vote.” —Tim O’Brien

MAIL TO THE CHIEF LETTERS TO THE EDITOR MIKE “BEEF” PALLOTTA

H

ey folks! Ah, the third installment of “Mail to the Chief ” is uponst us! This column functions not only as a means for the Union to communicate with the people of CSULB, but for the people to directly address any concerns, whether they relate to the paper or are completely personal.

Before we get to this week’s letter, let me first preemptively address some letters and emails I’m sure to get for this issue’s cover. Our cover this week features a middle finger, which to some is offensive. The brazen middle finger is in no way a “fuck you” to the reader, but a representation of how we feel the American people are being treated in our time of distress. We hope you understand this and take into account that children don’t read this paper, we are on a college campus with adults.

Now before I get to this week’s letter, I’d like to take time to address something else before I receive any negative letters. The last paragraph brazenly featured the word “fuck,” which to some is offensive. This “fuck” is in no way a “fuck you” to the reader, but a keen representation of what I feel a middle finger represents in general.

On to the mail. i love the lb union. and during your transition to the new lb union... you

guys seemed to have forgotten about your weekly quotes. which, i know is a really random thing for anyone to be asking about. but. if it makes you feel any cooler, i actually had started a collection of your quotes and had them tacked onto a cork-board next to my desk. (theyre still there actually. and im emailing you right now because im sitting here and looking at them and realizing how lame its been that i havent added any up there for a while) i think it would be really cool and amazing and awesome if you guys could start up the weekly-quote thing again. i dont know why, but its just one of those really small things in life that i miss. thanks for your time, -michelle p.s. sorry this is a long email, i couldve just said “bring back the weekly quotes!” and saved about 5 minutes of your time. but too bad. sorry.

Dear Michelle, I think the weekly quotes you’re talking about are the ones Ryan Kobane began putting every week on his “Letter from the Editor.” Ryan’s not with us anymore (he went to New York and he’s dead to us) and when he gets word of this I’m sure his heart will overflow with joy that anyone paid attention to something he did. He loved his quotes, knowing that someone else could always say better what he was struggling to say himself.

We at the Union thank you from the bottom of our cold hearts for appreciating the quotes. We’d like to thank you by providing you with a quote for this week, and continuing to do them every week from now on. Hope your corkboard can handle the clutter.

Ask Away!

Need advice from a man named Beef? Well send all questions to editorinbeef@gmail.com!

October Horoscopes

By Matthew Linzmeier and Sean Bernhoft

AQUARIUS Jan 20-Feb 18

them or you’ll be irritable.

PISCES Feb 19-March 20

The planetary line up for this month might make it hard for people to notice you. Try overdosing on barbiturates or cutting your wrists.

ARIES March 21-April 19

Your positive energy is tied in knots. Save some time to masturbate between classes or your head will explode.

This coming month will bear you numerous opportunities to copulate with horses. Now is not the time to give in to your temptations.

You’re fat. You are fucking fat. Stay inside because no one wants to look at your face, you ugly pig. Jesus Christ.

You’re done pinching pennies! Stop window shopping and buy that blouse! You know you’ll look great.

TAURUS April 20-May 20

Best to avoid cracks in the pavement lest a serious medical condition befall a dearly loved family member.

GEMINI May 21-June 21

You like to think of yourself as creative and imaginative. You aren’t. Be wary of the letters B, R, U, and the number 11.

CANCER June 22-July 22

If you’re going to cheat on your boyfriend, do it now! All signs indicate you’ll get away with it.

LEO July 23-Aug 22

The position of Venus suggests that your latent homosexual desires will be culminating this month. Don’t repress

VIRGO Aug 23-Sept 22

LIBRA Sept 23-Oct 22

SCORPIO Oct 23-Nov 21

Your weekends are full of disappointment. Get some fast food and download a porno. And it’s finally time to make the switch, you know at heart that soft tacos are the tacos for you.

SAGITTARIUS Nov 22-Dec 21

Pluto’s rising to its peak, granting you immunity from STIs. Use the money you’ll save on condoms to treat yourself to something special!

CAPRICORN Dec 22-January 19

Remember that your religious beliefs are the right ones. Remind your friends. You may even want to start a web-log or tear down fliers of opposing religious groups on campus.

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CHRIS LEE

editorinbeef@gmail.com

COVER PHOTO

MIKE “BEEF” PALLOTTA Editor-In-Chief VINCENT GIRIMONTE Managing Editor KATHY MIRANDA Managing Editor

SPORTS BIG WEST IS HERE WOMEN’S SOCCER GOES OLD SCHOOL AGAINST UC DAVIS, VOLLEYBALL BACK THIS WEEK VINCENT GIRIMONTE

T Photo CHRIS LEE

here was a feeling of refreshment at Allan Field last Friday as Women’s Soccer took the home field for the first time in just under three weeks with a match against UC Davis There was a breeze to cap summer’s last hoorah, but more importantly there was Big West conference play back at The Beach, signifying the true beginning of Fall.

The 49ers were coming off the most arid road trip in recent memory. Two games in Utah and two games in Arizona makes Long Beach sound pretty appealing. They split in each state, losing their last game to Arizona State in Tempe.

The Big West awaited them with the Aggies.

UC Davis ( 5-3-2) played well from the start. Forwards Rochelle VanBuskirk and Maria Boge were very active up front, accentuated with crisp runs on the outside from Samantha Faber. It was choppy for the 49ers. Mid-fielders Haley Bolt and Lindsay Bullock struggled to find a rhythm that in turn lead to few playable balls being funneled towards Kristen Kiefer.

It’s a rarity to have such depth on the bench, sometimes a curse. But Coach Mauricio Ingrassia needed a spark up front, and went to senior Sahar Haghdan, part of an elite eight senior class. She did not disappoint.

Once she received a ball from the left wing, it was all over for the Aggie defenders. An ankle-breaking cut, then a strike: 1-0 49ers.

Like that, the game changed in the 49er’s favor. The Aggies had been applying a decent amount of pressure, almost outclassing LBSU’s defense early on. You could sense the change.

A lead for his year’s team is a death whish to opponents, especially with Liz Ramos in the net. The senior, who leads Long Beach State in career shutouts, added another on Friday

THE BUSH LEAGUER with five saves in the second half. Not just a defensive playmaker, she’s vocal in the back and a general to the defense, contributing the more astute defensive strategy in the second half. Several crosses were batted down or out by Ramos, often preventing the tall and rangy Boge from making a play.

The goal came towards the end of the second half, and from there LBSU went into lockdown. Bullock, who leads the team in scoring, played exceptional on the defensive end, embodying a very physical 49ers back line. Nicole Hubbard and Chantel Hubbard (no relation) also stood out as stalwarts to compliment Ramos in the net. Hubbard of course does a flip while throwing the ball back into play. Spectacular.

Despite out shooting the 49ers 9-6, the Aggies never threatened to score after the goal. Friday showed those in attendance the maturity of Ingrassia’s experienced team; some might call it a high character win.

See LBSU Soccer take on nationally ranked University of San Diego this Wednesday at Allan Field.

GAME OF THE WEEK: WOMEN’S VOLLEYBALL VS. CAL POLY FRIDAY NIGHT, WALTER PYRAMID, 7PM

Cal Poly began the year as the favorite to win the conference, but the 49ers are off to a strong start despite their last performance at the ‘Myd. Go watch Caitlin Ledoux and company redeem themselves Friday.

Photo RUSSELL CONROY

SHOT OF THE WEEK: Sahar Haghdan is as shifty as they come. Her moves up front led to the only goal for the 49ers, but alas, it was enough to top the UC Davis Aggies last Friday. LBSU took over the game in the second half with a staunch defense and great goalkeeping from senior Liz Ramos.

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6 OCTOBER 2008

VINCENT GIRIMONTE

And we’re back. TBL was fired by Al Davis for poor performance, but was reinstated after realizing Al Davis does not employ TBL. MLB playoffs are here, or were here depending which hat you wear.

I suppose we have to start with Evan Longoria. The former Dirtbag hit two homeruns in Game 1 of the Rays’ series against the White Sox. Off three pitches.

Welcome to the playoffs, kid.

Not to say we called it, but we totally called it in the Sept. 15th column. First Tulo, now Longo. There isn’t a more prized possession in the playoffs than a Dirtbag infielder, outside of a closer who lives up to his hype.

LA is delightfully pre-occupied with baseball this Fall. However the ecstasy was short-lived for those in Anaheim.

As I write this, they’re down 2-0 to what I believe is the best baseball team in the world. I hate resorting to this, especially twice in one column, but with regards to Francisco Rodriguez: I told you so. You can see where I’m going with this. K-Rod has abandoned the only true axiom of his craft: the closer earns his money in the playoffs. K-Rod broke the save record despite himself, and quite frankly, it said more about the Angels’ anemic offense than it did to Rodriguez’s ninth inning composure. The best closer in baseball is a four run lead.

From Anaheim to Chicago, where things are much worse and much colder, and where the Cubs have doubled the suicide rate in just three postseason games. At least the Angels evaded dubious infamy with a title back in 2002—the Cubs have been waiting 100 years. Hell, Cubbies have been waiting for the World Series trophy longer than they’ve been waiting for Christ. Maybe JC will bring his bat next time around.

Anyone who follows baseball shouldn’t be too surprised with the sweep. The Dodgers were the hottest team in baseball rolling into October. The Cubs went five hundred in the last month with ace Carlos Zambrano struggling. It’s a simple formula: find the hot team and put down the house.

Off the diamond now to the house of wax that is USC football. Following the embarrassing loss to Oregon St. in Corvallis, O.J. Simpson will likely serve 15 years in prison for the attempted robbery of a memorabilia collector just over a year ago, Simpson’s lawyer called the sentence vindictive for all the reasons you’d expect. I’m not condoning a breach of judicial conduct, I’m merely pointing out it comes with the territory when defending Simpson. TBL wasn’t there, but will say I told you so anyway.

NEWS WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT PH3 BUILDING? GROUNDBREAKING OF THE NEW HALL OF SCIENCE JAMES KISLINGBURY

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n Friday, October 3rd, various important university personalities—including the indomitable President F. King Alexander and ASI President Erin Swetland—broke ground on the single most expensive project in California State University Long Beach history. It seems to me that they already broke ground, much of it being in large piles around the building site. But broke ground they did. Soon, in place of the giant hole and mounds of soil will be a brand new Hall of Science, a $105 million building that will

Illustration JAMES KISLINGBURY UNION WEEKLY

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provide at least one class for twothirds of the campus.

Proposition 1D, passed in 2006, provided the necessary funds for the new Hall of Science, and other campus projects such as a new building for the nursing department and a recreation center. In total, Prop 1D gave just under $700 million to the CSU system.

“The science lab is one of the only pre-Sputnik buildings left standing,” President King told us. It wasn’t hard to imagine—the old building was clearly showing it’s age. It didn’t take much poking around the for-

AMERICAN FLAGS AND A BAR ON ```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````` EVERY FLOOR ```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````` ```````````````````````````

WHEN FREE-MARKET ISN’T, AND NOT IN A GOOD WAY MICHAEL VEREMANS

mer building to notice that it would take more than a few layers of paint to get it up to par. One of the clear examples that the need of faculty and students had outstripped what the buildings could provide was the marine biology lab: a drab, cramped series of rooms that were obviously not built with the intention of housing eels and sea urchins.

The Hall of Science will not only have a brand new marine biology laboratory (I’m keeping my fingers crossed for piranhas), but also a rooftop observatory and greenhouse. In addition to those amenities, the structure will have twenty-two research laboratories, thirty-one teaching laboratories, a science learning center, as well as several large lecture halls.

The Hall of Science, speakers at the ground breaking said, is part of CSULB’s campaign to remain competitive in [tomorrow’s markets], as well as continue to provide the nation with more graduate students in the sciences than any other university. Given the economic instability of recent times, graduate degrees will help guarantee jobs for more CSU students as employers continue to pinch labor. Plans for the building were approved in 1988, showing that this building has been desired for quite some time. By 2011, students will finally be able to enjoy a structure twenty years in the making.

Also set to break ground this fall is the University Recreation Center adjacent to the parking lots of east campus. The structure, approved by the students in 2007, will cost $65 million.

With a little luck, the Rec Center will be complete by Fall 2010.

Il Duce Bush signed into Being the $700 billion Bailout Plan that was passed in the House. The Bacchanalian Profit-Orgy that has ensued over the last eight years on Wall Street is finally coming to an end in Washington where Our Politicians are saving Us from Financial Ruin and Depression. Just Kidding.

If only the Machine worked to Protect Taxpayers. No, no. You know all of those people who served to create Massive Inflation by sucking the Equity out of every American Dollar in search of a neo-Capitalistic Profit? Well they’re going to be given OUR Tax Money, and they get to keep doing what they did to create the Crisis in the first place. We can all get behind that, I think—pat Washington on the back for dumping the Bills and Bad Decisions of Wall Street on Main Street (to use campaign jargon) rather than promote Actual Financial Stability. Even to Sen. Ron Paul— a staunch supporter of Free Market Capitalism— this Bill shines false: “… the worst thing that We can do is perpetuate the bad policies that gave us this trouble in the first place.”

Let me break it down: Capitalists run on Exploitation. In America, they work in an Administrational Void, without any Over-Sight and against Our Profit. Now, not only do these Billionaire Financial Magnates pursue reckless Financial Ventures on Wall Street by investing more than their Means, but when the Invisible Hand dumps them in a ditch on the side of the road and their Profits fall, they’re given Our Money. I thought Real Capitalism included the Entrepreneur taking Responsibility for bad Investments and Business Decisions and the Government being Responsive to the People.

With this Bailout Bill, We see now that this country is not Free Market and it’s not Socialist— it’s a Kleptocracy where Our Dollar is theirs and We better Shut Up about it.

In case that didn’t make sense I’ll make it easy: We the People are paying for the Stupidity of the upper 5% of the country that don’t pay taxes anyways. Instead of putting Regulations on the Economy to prevent the Excesses of Capitalism, to prevent Further Collapse at the hands of Wall Street and the Politicians who support it, and to help the Homeowners facing Foreclosure, this Bailout Bill simply gives money to the Wealthiest Firms for Free, Sans Oversight.

Let them pay for their Reckless PseudoCapitalism—Nader is calling on Congress to, “…punish the wrongdoers and prevent another such financial collapse of casino capitalism from a repeat future rush to Washington to feed at the trough of socialism.”

Of course Obama and McCain support this Bill wholeheartedly because it means the Maintenance of the System that they hope one day to Control. I support Nader and Paul in saying let these Companies Flounder—that’ll teach them to fuck with the Common Good for their Profit Margin and abuse the “Delicate Success” that is Capitalism.

HOW BAD IS THIS ECONOMIC CRISIS? F*KING BREAKS DOWN THE FACTS

SEEING RED WORDS BY CAITLIN CUTT PHOTOS BY CHRIS LEE ILLUSTRATION BY HILLARY CANTU

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f you plug in “Subprime Mortgage Crisis” into Wikipedia, a very intimidating 21 pages will appear. If you combat even the slightest shred of apathy like I do, the temptation to simply put all this in the category of “too complicated for me” is hard to stave off. So, Vincent Girimonte and I decided to try and find a way to put this “economic crisis” into terms that we can all understand. The problem is Vince is a Creative Writing Major and I major in Comparative World Literature. We are not exactly numbers people. We needed help. But, lucky for us (all of us, not just Vince and myself) our school president, F. King, knows a thing or two about this stuff. King is a star, so we made an appointment and asked him some questions.

Union Weekly: How did we get here?

F. King: This is what it is: You get Goldman Saks, it

buys out all of these banks loans, houseing loans, existing loans that were already out there. All of them were done with very little down, very little collateral… Many of these loans were border-line. Then energy prices started going up. Gasoline goes from thirty dollars a tank to seventy. Your air and your electricity—everything is getting more expensive. Then people start looking at their monthlies and start saying, “I can’t afford this. We were on the border line when we got this loan.” And then the banks said, “We’re going to foreclose. We’re gonna get our money and get out of this place…” That whole system starts going belly up.

Goldman Sacks turned to AIG three or four years ago to insure those loans that they purchased from these banks in case something bad happens. AIG went from 12 people in London, to 500 people in London and gave everybody million dollar bonuses. All of a sudden the worst happens. AIG never expected Goldman Saks going under. They go under because the people can’t pay for them. They’ve been so flexible, without understanding that people were vested 80% into these things. So then Goldman Saks turns to AIG and says, “We gave you

twenty billion dollars to insure us. We need your help to buy these back.” Then AIG says, “We’ve spent it all. We can’t bail you out.”

There were no government protection systems insisting that AIG does what it’s supposed to do. So AIG just says, we’re going to file for bankrupsey. Then the government says, “Wait, you’re too big, were gonna bail you out.”

That’s just a single example of what’s happened.

UW: Bailout? What does that mean? Does it mean we’re out of the woods?

F.K: Nobody knows. Someone said yesterday that the ship is taking on water, and it’s taking on water because there’s a hole in the boat. So what this is (the Bailout), we’ve got a whole lot of people jumping in the boat and bailing out water. But do we still have a hole in the boat? That’s the big question. Is this the remedy?

UW: Is regulation the answer?

F.K: That’s part of the answer.

UW: It seems like they had no obligation. Is there something telling them they’re obligated?

F.K: Well, they just said, “We don’t have the money.”

CONTINUED PAGE 10

Everybody said that the free market would handle it, it wil work out, it always does. Well that is not the case.

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This went on at all those places (like AIG). Nobody felt that something this catastrophic could happen to the housing industry. So it trickled up, and the backup system had no regulation for Goldman Saks and these other companies. There’s no backup system. Everybody said that the free market would handle it, it will work out, it always does. Well that is not the case. Adam Smith underestimated America’s greed completely.

UW: Why should students care?

F.K: If nothing is done, they’ll see rental rates go up because the banks are moving their interest rates up, which means it will be harder for land lords to get loans at fixed rates … You’re gonna see a considerable jump in fees all over the country—other places more than our schools. Ours went up $272 last year, but that was only a third of the rest of the nation.

Those kids that are looking for part-time jobs, those opportunities are vastly decreasing. If you have a job, hang onto it. Don’t think you can go out and get something better right now. California’s unemployment is at 8%. We’ve got a lot of people, experienced people, looking for work. We’re rapidly approaching one in ten adults being unemployed in California.

Small businesses, where most of our students work, they can’t get loans. Small businesses are frozen. The places they’ve gone to get loans, or the places they’ve relied on to pay their monthlies, those places are mov-

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6 OCTOBER 2008

IT’S A GOOD TIME TO BE IN SCHOOL . . . IF YOU ENTER THE MARKET NOW, YOU’RE GONNA BE GOING AGAINST WHITE COLLAR WORKERS WHO WERE JUST UNEMPLOYED.

ing up their interest rates. This puts places like Legends and The Gaslamp under greater financial stress, which means they’re gonna hire less people.

They will take a hit on bad service before they take a hit in this economy.

That’s a direct impact.

UW: So what’s a student to do?

F.K: This is the argument I want to make: It’s a good time to be in school. It’s a good time to consider graduate school. If you enter the market now, you’re gonna be going against white collar workers who were just unemployed. They’re wandering the streets and they have degrees form Harvard, and years and years of experience.

If you’re not getting that part time job, don’t drop out of school, take out a student loan. This is a good loan, you’ve made it here. You don’t pay a student loan back until you get a job. This is good debt. You’re credit card is bad debt, and those rates are gonna go up. Know the difference between good debt and bad debt. Good debt will help get you though college and pay this stuff back.

Bad debt is the stuff you’re putting on your credit card.

Don’t pay your gas in credit cards.

America’s favorite past-time is working itself into a frenzy—Especially since 9/11. This hyper-alert dialogue that we have been constantly engaged in has turned the

media, our officials, even our own parents, into the country who cried wolf—to put it simply, students don’t know when to be worried anymore. Apathy is much more admirable when the alternative seems to be stock-piling mercury tablets and spam. So, as a student, this is my summation: In the end, the economy is amoral. It’s the ebb and flow of money. If that’s the case, America is up the economic stream with a very iffy paddle. And although the economy is amoral, the root of what really happened here, like King said, is simply greed. People wanted what they couldn’t afford, people spent money that really wasn’t theirs, people have refused to take responsibility for their mistakes, and people took what they wanted to and they ignored the possible consequences.

Why should you care? Because this is not “frenzy,” people are losing their homes; because in an economy like we are heading into, crime will be going up and families will be facing financial stress that our country hasn’t seen in a long time—maybe yours has already seen it; Because, in a few years, we will be the ones trying to enter the workforce, and we will be bearing the brunt of this.

THE ECONOMY SUCKS SEE IF YOU CAN FIGURE OUT WHY

By A.P. Knucklehead Can you even say $700 Billion without laughing? We're not chuckling, but such a sum is absurd to pretty much anybody, even those who shop at Whole Foods. The bailout was proposed as a preventive measure to avoid a real depression, a la an invasion into Iraq to prevent nuclear warfare. Though this threat holds some merit, it would appear, as evident from a fairly bi-partisan approval. While many chastised congress for delaying their approval for four extra days, others are still wondering why on Earth we are in this mess. Greed? Maybe?

The House of Representatives passed an economic bailout plan last Friday that will pour $700 Billion back into the collapsing US economy. The bill, after being turned down in the House on Monday and then approved by the Senate on Wednesday is seen as a preventative measure to curb economic devastation caused in part by the sub-prime mortgage crisis.

With banks and lending firms folding left and right, the bill will allow the federal government to buy up assets amassed due to record home foreclosures among other economic problems.

The bill was rejected Monday by the House, causing the stock market to plummet with a decline in the Dow Jones Industrial Average of nearly 800 points, the highest single-day plunder in twenty years. Along with more flexibility to purchase bad debts of financial institutions, the new bill also increases the federal bank deposit insurance and another $149 Billion in tax breaks.

The Dow calculates the average of the thirty largest and most frequently traded companies on the stock market. It's the symbol of market fluctuation, and when it plummets, of your retirement including a part-time job.

The Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation now guarantees a bank customer $250,000 should the bank fold—up from $100,000. This is stipulated in the new bailout bill.

The housing bubble refers to a period when home prices experienced a rise in cost back in 2004-42005, creating the need for more loans for first-time homebuyers. The bubble itself was created by low-interest rates that helped diffuse the problems created by Silicon Valley's economic turmoil in the late ‘90s.

Many lawmakers felt the pressure to change their vote from “no” to “yes” from lobbyists around Capitol Hill, the sharp drop in the market after Congress rejected the bailout, and from constituents in their home state. While this remains in no way an ideal solution, most believe something had to be done in order to preserve economic stability worldwide.

The crisis is rooted in record home foreclosures across the country that arrived shortly after the U.S. Housing Bubble popped. Many homebuyers were lured into sub-prime loans due to the peaking price of real estate, and were subsequently unable to pay, causing a snowball effect of delinquencies nationwide.

Owning roughly half of the $12.1 Trillion mortgage market, Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac collapsed in August of 2008 resulting in both becoming government sponsored enterprises. Shortly thereafter, Lehman Brothers, considered to be America’s first investment firm, filed for bankruptcy after reporting a debt over $600 Billion.

While the bailout has eased some economic fears in the short-term, there is still much work to be done

by Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson and Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernake. Rigid oversight will be the theme of the years to come.

SEPT 7: GOVERNMENT TAKES SEPT 15: LEHMAN BROTHERS FILES FOR BANKCONTROL OF MORTGAGE COMRUPTCY - THE LARGEST PANIES LIKE FANNIE MAE AND BANKRUPTCY IN U.S. FREDDIE MAC, HANDLING THE HISTORY. $5 TRILLION DEBT OVER TO U.S. TAXPAYERS.

SEPT 17: THE BRITISH BANK, BARCLAYS, PICKS UP LEHMAN’S NORTH AMERICAN INVESTMENT BANKING AND TRADING OPERATIONS FOR $250 MILLION.

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SEPT 14: BANK OF AMERICA ANNOUNCES IT WILL BUY MERRIL LYNCH FOR $29 PRE SHARE AFTER WALKING AWAY FROM LEHMAN BROTHERS.

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This began back in 2005 when homes hit peak value, and more perspective homeowners sought loans to acquire a house. Many of these loans were given to individuals who normally would not qualify for reasons such as income level, employment history, bad credit, etc. When the mortgage payments weren't met, and banks began to take on these debts, an ugly game of economic dominoes began. So why would banks be wiling to give loans to those who did not qualify? We'll get to that later.

Foreclosures: When a borrower can't make a mortgage payment, the bank comes in and seizes the property. Sounds awful. Imagine this happening at record rates, with banks now absorbing the debt, and you have a population of struggling (and often homeless) individuals.

Standards and regulations regarding loans were lowered in order to facilitate lower-class families purchasing homes; this lead to individuals with low credit scores receiving loans that they were unable to pay.

Fannie Mae, or the Federal National Mortgage Association, and Freddie Mac (Federal Home Loan Mortgage Association) were placed into government control on Sept 8th after having amassed trillions in debt. The government pumped billions (of our money) into the two companies; the consequences of the two keystones of the loans market falling being too dire to entertain.

Ultimately, it was done to make acquiring a loan possible in the near future.

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Let's hope most of this goes to buying back mortgages and not towards earmarks that lubricated the bill through Congress. In case you're wondering, tax relief for Puerto Rican rum makers received some pork, as did wooden toy makers. You can all relax.

SEPT 16: GOVERNMENT RESCUES AIG WITH AN $85 BILLION EMERGENCY LOAN IN EXCHANGE FOR ALMOST 80% EQUITY STAKE IN THE COMPANY.

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SEPT 19: BUSH ADMINISTRATION GIVEN NEW POWERS TO COME UP WITH BAILOUT PLAN. EVEN THOUGH IT WOULD MEAN BILLIONS OF DOLLARS IN NEW TAXES, THE BAILOUT PLAN IS APPROVED.

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Henry Paulson is the guy who wrote three pages that he thought would fix our economy before Congress added four-hundred and fifty more.

As Bush's chief financial advisor he was responsible for the legislature, and the face of the nastiness that ensued after the bill was rejected.

Bernake worked with Paulson on the bill, and tweaked it several times before it was passed last Friday.

Refrain from blaming these two: the crisis was rolling full steam it long before they had a say in it.

SEPT 26: JPMORGAN SAVES WASHINGTON MUTUAL FROM GOING UNDER, BUT DOESN’T TAKE OWNERSHIP OF THE HOLDING COMPANY.

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SEPT 29: DOW FALLS 777.68 POINTS, THE LARGEST ONE-DAY POINT DROP IN HISTORY. UNION WEEKLY

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MUSIC A ROS BY ANY OTHER NAME

WOULDN’T KICK AS MUCH POST ROCK ASS AS SIGUR ROS ALLAN STEINER

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hris Martin, of Coldplay fame, said in an interview with the Brits over at The Daily Telegraph that he feels that Coldplay is the 7th best band in the world. Holding the first and second spots, in his opinion, are Arcade Fire and Sigur Rós.

It’s tough to describe the experience of seeing a Sigur Rós concert. Your heart gets to beating a little faster, you feel the slightest bit dizzy, and depending on your commitment to this whole love metaphor, your hands might start to sweat. Live, the band creates something more than their music: they create a force. At their sold out performance at The Greek on October 2, that force could be felt throughout the close to 6,000 seat venue. Songs that usually make a person fall asleep had a completely different energy live. With each song, the band completely engulfed the listener in a state of awe as they created an atmosphere that was nothing short of ethereal. They did it using fairly common instruments such as a bass, drums, guitar (granted, it was often being played with a violin bow) and a piano.

The Greek Theatre was the perfect place to see Sigur Rós. The open-air venue combined with the picturesque scenery that surrounds the Greek Theatre only added to the spectacle. Looking to the back of the theatre, silhouettes of the band lined the trees that skirt the venue.

Photos TYLER DIINLEY UNION WEEKLY

6 OCTOBER 2008

This was the group’s first US tour without an accompanying orchestra in seven years so it made identifying the specific elements that go into each song extremely easy. The realization that the seemingly orchestrated music of Sigur Rós is created by only 4 people is amazing on it’s own. The simple pairing of a bass drum with a bass guitar riff creates one of the more extraordinary moments on the band’s latest album, Með suð í eyrum við spilum endalaust, right when the track “Festival” shifts from a slow, epic piece to an extremely poppy one.

The whole show was held together by a remarkable lighting design scheme that included elements such as a full-sized translucent movie screen. On the screen was everything from abstract videos of shapes to live video of each performer. Behind the screen were big hanging balloons of light. The use of strobe lights, Sigur Ros singer Jónsi (above, bottom right) and bassist Goggi Hólm will use their music’s confetti, and timed lighting cues Icelandic beauty to make you cry like the Entertainment Editor does after sex. made the already solid show even stronger and added to the beauty. person next to them was all around. While they were all The groups’ latest album, which is the punchiest and saying different things, the general consensus seemed most energetic of their works, adds a lot to the bands to be, “Holy shit can you believe this show?” When the live show. The songs all sound absolutely incredible band came back out they played one more song then live and contrast well with the often slow and epic walked back offstage, but the crowd kept cheering. They feel of their previous albums. The enthusiasm in the came back out to take a bow and then walked back off album also allows for the show to come to a crescendo stage, the crowd continued to cheer until the band was by the end of the set, which is exactly what it did. The forced to take to the stage for a second encore. group opened up their set with the exponentially long Let me just step into the first person for a second to and beautiful “Svefn-g-englar” and ended it with the say that this was probably the best show I’ve ever seen, inexplicitly catchy “Gobbledygook.” and I see a lot of shows. Everything from the audience, As the crowd cheered for the band to come out and to the venue, to the lighting (oh yeah, and the actual play more, the sound of people turning to talk to the performance) was just mind-blowing.

MUSIC

SEAN BOULGER

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hroughout the ever-expansive annals of rock & roll history, there are several instances of people doing things that turn out to be legendary, immortalized as a result of setting new precedents. Things like Wilco’s refusal to change Yankee Hotel Foxtrot and subsequent release from Warner Bros. and Radiohead’s letting fans pay what they want for In Rainbows.

Events in this category run the gamut from the obscure (The Magnetic Fields’ 69 Love Songs) to the mainstream (the Beatles playing on the roof of the Apple Records building), but every example seems to be about as cool as the one that came before it, if not cooler. Sometimes these heroic deeds give us new ways to purchase or trade music, and sometimes they seem to give us entirely new genres of music. In this case, My Bloody Valentine’s Loveless did exactly that.

Coming from Dublin, Ireland in the early 1980s, My Bloody Valentine were a group of ratty kids that seemed to spring up out of nowhere, getting signed to UK indie label Creation Records and putting out an album called Isn’t Anything. The album was wellreceived, but when the gang returned to the studio to record their follow-up, they hit some snags. Turns out, what happened to My Bloody Valentine was the same thing that always happens when a really talented frontman decides that he’s way better than the rest of his band: nothing. Whether it’s nothing in the sense that Smashing Pumpkins put out nothing of any remote significance after Billy Corgan lost it, or nothing in a more literal sense, you can pretty much guarantee that a crazy frontman scenario will yield zero musical results.

album and (gasp!!) a tour. Finishing up the last dates of a brief tour that is apparently preceding a stint in the studio working on a third album, My Bloody Valentine played at the Santa Monica Civic Auditorium early last week, a sold out show where a throng of rabid fans waited to see an indie rock legend. Their setlist contained material from both albums (personally, I would only have been a little bit surprised had they simply played Loveless in its entirety and then called it a night), and was an up-toeleven onslaught of thick, layered guitars; Earplugs were most certainly necessary. Overall, the experience was an interesting one to take in, and left excited fans hoping for more. One can only wait with fingers crossed for Kevin Shields to make good on his promise and deliver another My Bloody Valentine album. Might another tour even be in the cards? Who knows, but at this point it appears to be something worth waiting for.

ANDREW LEE

MY BLOODY VALENTINE FINALLY COMES OUT OF HIDING

Shields & Co. procrastinated for nearly three years, and almost bankrupted poor Creation Records in the process. The result of all that hemming and hawing was Loveless—and album that more or less kick started the shoegaze genre of music, but was a critical failure at the time of its release. Frustrated, Creation dropped the band, and Kevin Shields went all Brian Wilson on us, retreating from the spotlight for about 12 years.

Loveless, in the meantime, proceeded to go about garnering a hardcore cult following, quickly becoming one of the most influential albums of its decade. Taking its namesake from its moody young singers’ tendencies to stare at their shoes while they played live, shoegaze is one of the most unrecognized pieces of rock & roll history to come from the ‘90s. Loveless is certainly a challenging album, and the genre that it spawned follows suit; indie rock that featured thick layers of reverb-soaked and heavily distorted electric guitars with breathy, muted vocals usually way far back in the mix, shoegaze, despite its lack of pop sensibilities, was widely influential.

Radiohead acknowledges being directly influenced by My Bloody Valentine. When they were good, Smashing Pumpkins were pretty much just ripping the band off.

Even today, bands like Silversun Pickups and Coldplay are still showing direct influence from My Bloody Valentine’s work. Clearly, this is a band who has done important things for contemporary music—the only problem is that nobody knows who they are, and this is because they’ve been flying far under the radar for nearly 15 years.

Where the hell have they been?

Well apparently Shields just needed some alone time.

The band, however, broke up shortly after Loveless was released, and each member went about his or her own business (Wikipedia alleges that bassist Debbie Googe had been spotted working as a cab driver in London). Shields mostly kept to himself, but when he briefly resurfaced in 2004 to help Sophia Coppola with the soundtrack for Lost in Translation, everybody wanted to know if and when there would be a My Bloody Valentine reunion.

True to his nature, Shields stalled for another three years, before announcing in ’07 that there would be a new

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BLOODY MONDAY

Belinda Butcher (above, left) and the elusive Kevin Shields (below) have been waiting nearly a decade to perform onstage. Now, of course, fans simply have to wait and see if they’ll ever do it again.

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MUSIC BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE

PEOPLE UNDER THE STAIRS PLAY AT FINGERPRINTS KATRINA SAWHNEY

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eople Under the Stairs is the kind of music duo that redeems rap music. People Under the Stairs reign from our very own hip-hop breeding ground, and this time LA has cranked out something a bit different.

They don’t take themselves too seriously, they’re here to enjoy their music and, best of all, they’re here for your enjoyment. It’s rap how it should be; everyman’s heroes

Photos CHRISTINA CRAIG UNION WEEKLY

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singing about life that we all know and live.

What else is there to sing about other than the liquor flowing? Ask these guys.

If there is such a thing, these are the kind of hip-hop disciples that you could take home to Mom. The down to earth twosome are the kind of guys that you’d like to enjoy a nice beer with, and I bet if you asked, they’d be happy to.

The rhymes are intricate, well-worked, woven into the rhythms and heavy on the side of humor. They don’t take themselves too seriously, and as their newest album is titled Fun DMC, it’s fitting. They sound like a combination of the tongue-in-cheek humor of Aesop Rock and the DJ aesthetPeople Under the Stairs are excited to finish their set, so they can ics of Girl Talk. With a little bit of samgo check out a rare Pinback EP they heard Fingerprints has. pling, lines that would make your mum blush, and the witty turn of phrase you The performance was nestled inside our neighborexpect from “serious” writers, it only hood sweetheart of a record store, and was an intimate takes an afternoon to fall in love. one, with less than 100 fans crammed inside FingerP.U.T.S. is the baby of hip-hop duo prints. A small audience was in no way an obstacle for Thes One and Double K. Thes One, these guys, and definitely wasn’t an excuse to dial down born Christopher Portugal, and Double the energy of the show. Thes One and Double K spent K, born Michael Turner Jr., met in the a good amount of time interacting with the audience, early ’90s and have been making music thanking us genuinely for coming out and having as together ever since. Their newest album much fun as they were. Thes One borrowed a fan’s sunthat their modest tour is currently pro- glasses for a song and danced with a pair of lucky girls moting is the sixth in a line of well-re- in the front row. They’re free of pretense, approachspected releases. Underground recog- able…and rappers—a lethally endearing combination. nition and loyal fans is their recipe for These guys are rappers that care more about the fans success and by all accounts it seems to than the fame, more concerned with the rhyme than the be working (if the line outside of Fin- recognition, and the performance than the pussy. Who gerprints is any indication). woulda thunk?

ENTERTAINMENT THE LAST PICTURE JOE THIS WEEK: OLIVER STONE IS A PRICK JOE BRYANT

W

hen I first heard about Oliver Stone’s upcoming film W. (a George W. Bush biopic starring Josh Brolin as our 43rd President) I sneered, and I’m no conservative. No filmmaker irritates me more than Stone, and this was just icing on the cake. I have no problem with his style by any means—he’s a talented director—my main criticism of Stone is his douchebagism. He’s a fucking asshole.

He makes these politically charged (and bloated) films that ultimately leave me lukewarm and disinterested.

He wastes his talent.

You probably know the director from Platoon, his semi-autobiographical Vietnam War epic that’s beloved by both film critics and Joe Moviegoer alike.

I’m not trying to sound argumentative: it’s not bad, but it’s melodramatic. Look at its famous death scene, in which the character in question falls to his knees as bullets punch into his body, raises his arms to the sky, and collapses in defeat to the mourning of violins in the background. That’s a soap opera with war and a budget, not something worthy of his talent.

For my money his best work shines in Natural Born Killers, the Quentin Tarantino-penned flick follows two

AH, HORSE SHIT! APPALOOSA STEPS IN IT JASON OPPLIGER I can’t even bring myself to use the three easy puns that are built into the name.

An attempt to review Appaloosa.

The movie was good. I like that they were cowboys.

I think it was good how they had horses. The cowboys had guns too. They were good. I think the movie was a good movie because they had a town with a lot of horses. Renée Zellweger. I like horses. Cowboys are good. This movie is about funny cowboys who are good at shooting guns. The cowboys are fun. I like the way the cowboys saw Indians. There is a bad guy. He is mean. He is smart. There is a good gun fight with the bad guy and the cowboys. There are mean cowboys and good cowboys. The good cowboys are good and fun. I like the cowboys.

Okay, have you made it this far? Because if you can make it through that bumbling infantile offense to written word, you just might have the stamina and patience necessary to sit through the newest aggravation-inducing clusterfuck of a film starring Ed Harris as someone cool. Co-written by Harris and Some Guy that has never written anything before and on this film suddenly has Producer, Writer, and Second Unit Director credit (AKA: balling E. Harris). This film has so much wrong with it, there is literally no way of attempting to critique it.

lovers (Woody Harrelson and Juliette Lewis) as they massmurder their way across the country and gain fame from media overexposure. Stone seamlessly melds multiple mediums together—shooting one scene in 70mm, 8mm, and VHS simultaneously—and it’s something to be proud to have your name attached to. Natural Born Killers is a brilliant example of how to do satire properly in film. And if you love gory action like me, it has oodles.

I am disinterested by intensely political films—I want to be entertained when Oliver Stone does his best impression of “Dub-ya.” This intense look of disappointI watch a movie. I don’t want ment is usually reserved for our Music Editor’s parents, but we’ll let it slide. to be educated unless it’s a documentary. Oliver Stone always wears his politics on year as Shawshank Redemption, Ed Wood and Pulp his sleeve, which I commend him for, but that kind of Fiction—so its chances were moot, regardless of its work has its place. JFK and Nixon are so insanely biased lack of a nomination. and based on assumption that I feel it’s easy to dismiss Here’s the steel-toed boot to my balls: I really want them. Sure, there are great performances in almost all of to see W., despite my best efforts against instinct. I fell his films, but who wants to watch any of them again? in love with Josh Brolin after his work in last year’s No I haven’t been impressed with his recent movies. Country for Old Men and I want more. Hop online and I wanted to sleep through Alexander’s 175 minutes watch the trailers for W.—they look really good. And and I was similarly bored with Nicolas Cage in World funny. The best part? Oliver Stone says he wants the film Trade Center, but the man’s no chump. He’s won three to have “a fair, true portrait of the man,” and adds that Oscars (for directing Platoon and Born on the Fourth “it will contain surprises for Bush supporters and his of July, and for Midnight Express’ adapted screenplay), detractors.” Fair? Balanced? Better than Fox News? One but I’m not sure if he deserves any of them. Natural can hope. Color me surprised, but this might be a huge Born Killers could have been award-worthy in a less step forward for the king of controversy. talent-loaded year, but it came out in 1994—the same W. opens in a limited release October 17th.

Yeah, I know, movies are hard to make. Getting a well-made film in the can is a task comparable to landing a jumbo jet on 7th Street, and so I get it. It’s not easy. Directing movies is hard, I understand.

But when I think about the money that was used exclusively on the film stock to capture Harris and Viggo Mortensen passing the time with idle chatter, lit like they were on an episode of fucking Alf, I question the legitimacy of Hollywood as a whole. Just Viggo Mortensen (above, not barrel from Donkey Kong) models with the set give the money to crack dressings of Appaloosa as a backdrop. Marvel at their sparsity. addicts, they’ll at least get crack out of it. And that beats the hell out of what I got never see this: Stop it. Just stop. You know what I’m from watching this movie. I can’t believe this is the same talking about; you’re an actor so fucking act. Get your Director of Photography that did Dances with Wolves. hands out of everyone’s business on set and before you That movie looked beautiful. get there let writers write, let directors direct and let Basically, just think of an aspect of a film and watch producers produce. Read your lines, go back to your this to see how not to do it. Editing? Production design? trailer and let the people who are as talented at their Pacing? Honestly though, don’t watch this movie. Go job as you are at yours, do their work. Just really an rent 3:10 to Yuma instead, or better yet spend some awful movie though. time remembering why this movie shouldn’t exist and honor a world-class gentleman by viewing Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. And as a closer, here are just a few thoughts for Ed Harris, because I’m sure he’ll UNION WEEKLY

6 OCTOBER 2008

LITERATURE THE BEST OF THE PESTS

REVISITING CHILDHOOD WITH WHO’S A PEST

CHELSEA ROSENTHAL

A

ll children’s books are written with a purpose, an underlying theme in which the author is trying to project a message to the reader—like Lewis Carroll’s Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, with its infinite cultural references, or the discussion of unconditional love and relationships in The Giving Tree

by Shel Silverstein. Often times these messages go unnoticed by the child, but can reawaken the latent imagination or teach a lesson to an adult reader.

Many adults have books they keep from their own childhood, saving them to pass down the realizations and moral messages to their children. My 1962 hardcover copy, stolen from the Los Angeles City Library, of Who’s a Pest? by Crosby Bonsall, will be that book for me.

As a kid, most of the bigger ideas in Who’s a Pest? went straight over my head. I was too busy simultaneously having a crush on and feeling pity for Homer, the main character, with his oversized red beanie and Oxford Saddle shoes.

UNION WEEKLY 6 OCTOBER 2008

In the story, Homer’s sisters, Lolly, Molly, Polly, and Dolly, are convinced that Homer is the pest who drew mustaches on their dolls. In fact, poor defenseless Homer, who can’t even see out from beneath his hat, spends almost all 64 pages defending himself from people and animals alike who accuse him of being a nuisance.

In the end, Homer ends up rescuing all the characters from a mishap involving a hole and a large bear, despite their selfish outbursts and ill-treatment towards him. And Homer finally realizes that it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks of him, as long as he knows that he is not a pest.

The most significant aspects of Who’s A Pest? I missed out on as a kid, but can enjoy now, are the references to Abbott and Costello’s famous skit, “Who’s on First?” The book’s title and the dialogue between Homer and the antagonists reflects their banter: “I never said you said I was,” said Homer. “I never said you said I said you were,” said the lizard. “I never said you said I said you said I was,” said Homer. …And so on. And maybe there are some themes I’m still missing. Maybe Homer’s red beanie symbolizes communism. And the big bear, um, premarital sex... I don’t know. What I do know is after reading this review, most of you aren’t going to pick up a copy of Who’s A Pest? (although I did find it for only 53 cents on Amazon). But, I do hope that some of you maybe revisit one of your own childhood books.

Go up and find that box in the attic, wipe the dust off some of your old favorites, and rediscover a new perspective, joke, or valuable lesson you may have missed before.

Who’s a Pest? is a children’s book that exemplifies the hatred towards younger brother.

UNION WEEKLY

6 OCTOBER 2008

17

COMICS

EASY

Humanation by Travis Ott-Conn

MEDIUM Koo Koo and Luke by Jesse Blake

www.funatronics.com/kookoo

Drunken Penguin Presents... by James Kislingbury

penguin.incarnate@gmail.com

Can you read my mind?

Send feedback to: victorpc.union@gmail.com Or leave comments at the Union office Student Union Office 239

ANSWERS

MEDIUM

EASY

Bible Verses Godzilla by Lloyd Kramer

UNION WEEKLY

6 OCTOBER 2008

CULTURE

modest muse: an ode to anna karina

kaTHY MIRANDA

Anna Karina is the girl of your dreams. I don’t care about your schoolboy crush on Natalie Portman as Queen Amidala or the wet dreams you keep having about Angelina Jolie. Anna Karina is a goddess of an actress compared to them. She is the epitome of the elusive girl you keep trying to convince yourself is your girlfriend. She is beautiful and deceptive. She is your French fantasy, that delectable floating dessert dipped in caramel, seducing you to come take a bite. She is your on-screen romance, the woman you run away with without ever looking back. She is the Bonnie to your Clyde, fiesty and yet, so vulnerable. You can’t help but dive into the dark pool of her disarming gaze only to drown helplessly in her raw beauty and sex appeal.

You are cornered. Her coquettish demeanor makes you awkward and your limbs suddenly feel weak. She whispers sweet nothings to you in French and sings you love songs while making you breakfast. She is your unfailing muse, the star of your daydreams— you can’t escape her. She is the sole reason you love French New Wave and why we all wish it was still the ‘60s. She invented a kind of mystique that you can’t handle in copious amounts. She’s the girl next door with seduction smeared all over her lips—you fall in love with her in seconds...

And then she leaves you for a film director. And, in a matter of moments, Anna Karina becomes, quite gracefully, the one that got away.

KATHY MIRANDA

an artist collective

Here are a few images from the collective including murals, stickers, and a custom outlet cover. The drawing and collage are taken from one of the 112 art books that are now circulating around the world.

Y

ou Are Beautiful is a collective of artists and all around good folk who passionately promote positive self-realization. Their slogan, “You Are Beautiful,” can be found on street signs, buses, shop windows, billboards and brick walls all across the globe. Through art installations and collaborative art projects with famous artists and various communities, the You Are Beautiful campaign desires to encourage “activism instead of consumerism.” By using the

medium of advertising, the project is able to spread positive messages in the midst of daily life. “Intention is the most important aspect of the You Are Beautiful project in its idea of purity. Nothing is sacred.”

The organization encourages everyone to participate by printing your own stickers from their site or spreading the message with your own art.

Find out more about the project on their website: www.you-are-beautiful.com.

web candy: the selby dot com

theselby.com invites you into the creative minds of celebrities via shelter

All photos courtesy of theselby.com Humans are judgmental to a fault, and it makes sense that, when we walk into a person’s home, we assess the contents of their walls, bookshelves, and DVD collections to come to a superficial conclusion about that person’s personality. We are all guilty of peering into our friends’ medicine cabinets, pouring over the pictures on their refrigerators, and shuffling through their record collections. Todd Selby, however, has way cooler friends than you or I and has granted us simpletons the opportunity to judge them, too.

Selby is a well-respected professional photographer

who has taken his living space profiling up a notch—he’s assembled a collection of photos of the homes of some of the most interesting minds of our generation. He captured best-selling American author Tom Wolfe with his collection of portraits of himself, artist Olaf Breuning and his eccentric knick-knacks and his projects, Editor and Publisher of Paper magazine Kim Hastreiter and her dog and childlike artwork, model Erin Wasson and her doll-head masks, Mark the Cobrasnake, and his grandparents’ homes too. He adds as much as two every day and the list is only getting longer.

Each subject’s life is different—they’re in love, single, with animals, workaholics, foodies, hideous, beautiful, and/or all of the above. It’s a fascinating documentation of the way modern creative minds live and serves as more than just an indulgence to our innate nosiness. It’s a source of inspiration, an exploration of the art of interior design, and a chance to broaden our minds as creative people and expand our knowledge of how people live and what makes them tick.

RACHEL RUFRANO UNION WEEKLY

6 OCTOBER 2008

Disclaimer:

This page is satire. We are not ASI, nor do we represent the CSULB campus. Cocoa pebbles. Send rags to bear.grun@gmail.com

“Did you just shit garbage?”

Volume 63 Issue 6

Monday, October 6th, 2008

67-Year-Old Barfly Has Vitality of 57-Year-Old Barfly

Gary Schilling (above) uses his new found energy to urinate in his Levi’s and yell at TVs just like he used to back in ‘98.

BY SEXUAL RANDY LOS ANGELES, CA—Loyal customer of local dive bar the Impérale, Gary Schilling (67), made the startling announcement last Monday at 2:48 PM that “[he felt] like [he was] a spry fiffy-sevvin ‘gain,” disrupting bartender Julia Rodriguez’s mid-afternoon routine of monotonously drying glasses and watching Montel.

“He was just sitting there in the far corner booth like he normally does, when all of a sudden he sprung up and yelled,” Rodriguez said. “It scared the shit out of me.”

Julia is convinced that someone must have left him in the Impérale overnight, because she had not had any customers except for her normal three or four custom-

ers looking to imbibe in a couple of drinks before heading into work.

“I’m pretty sure those are the same clothes he wore yesterday,” Rodriguez said. Glancing at the Schilling, who stared right back at her neck line, she added, “Jesus Christ. Yeah, those are definitely the same pants. I’d recognize that piss stain from anywhere, but mainly from when he grabbed some girl’s hand to tell her how beautiful she was by the pool tables last night.”

Rodriguez does admit that Schilling seems to be moving around a lot more.

“He makes the rounds to all of the younger girls’ tables at night, and then he usually ends up in what he calls his cubby.”

The Cubby is a small nook between the video jukebox and the aging Ms. Pac-Man arcade machine on the wall closest to the door where Schilling waits for new friends, who he entitles “Boss,” and the possibility of sexual encounters.

“Lissen, ya can unnerstan’ when yoo have needs an’ wants. There’s times an’ places, y’know?” Schilling said from the indecipherable darkness of The Cubby. “I feel I’mma noo man. This is jus’ basics.

Surresly.”

While Schilling admits he usually reserves conversation for women bargoers, he will occassionally proposition men with an extended fist bump and a “gud on ya, boss.”

As an attractive young woman walked by he skipped out of his hovel into the light, which prompted Schilling to scream and pass out into the unsuspecting college girl’s cleavage.

Continued on Page C45

LBUNION.COM

Area Funnyman’s Edgy Humor Deemed “Just Racist”

BY GAELIC FORSKINE Early Thursday morning, members of the Long Beach City council deemed local funnyman, Edgar Harpingwipe’s so called “edgy” humor to be “Just Racist.” The council concluded their two day hearing with the following statement, “It is the council’s finding that [Mr.] Harpingwipe’s brand of funny is not in keeping with Long Beach’s progressive stance on the comedic arts.

While there is a time and a place for more cutting humor, we find [Mr.] Harpingwipe to be just racist.”

Edgar Harpingwipe, 52, has built a reputation in Long Beach for his own brand of edgy humor. “Edgar was always the first to bust out a whoopee cushion or a fake dog doo at a party,” a neighbor, Penny Kipper, 44, said about the funnyman, “He used the word ‘butt’ a little bit too much for my taste, but, I don’t know, he seemed alright.”

“Yeah, I’ve known Edgar for years, and he’s always been kind of insensitive,” Jeremy Pulchow, 22, said on the funnyman. “One time he made a joke about small pox at an American Indian Festival, then when one of the workers told him how offensive it was, he just said ‘Get over it, dude, it’s just a joke.’ He always kind of responded to stuff like that poorly.”

A co-worker, who wished to remain anonymous, said this about Edgar, “He’s really gotten worse as time goes on. I mean, I think he thinks

Edgar Harpingwipe (above) says “If you don’t like you can just deal!”

that just saying ‘Jew’ or ‘Mexican’ or ‘queef ’ is enough of a punchline to get a laugh. I called him on it the other day, and he just said ‘You wouldn’t get it.’ So, I complained to the Regional Manager about it—‘cause fuck that lame-ass cracker.” When asked what comedians he enjoyed, the co-worker said that he said Milton Berle.

Shortly after the decision was made public, Edgar made this entry on his blog radicaldude.blogspot. com. He had this to say, “Look, nobody here knows butt about funny!

They’re all a bunch of stuck-up PC goons. I don’t get what the prolem [sic] is, we’ve had racist jokes for millionss [sic] of years, but all of a sudden, I make one joke about how Eskimos drive differently from Basques and I’m a ‘racist!!!’ Well, you know what, if you don’t get it, then: Deeze [sic] nuts, bitches.” He was unavailable for a comment.

INSIDE

Progressive English Majors Ostracize Homophone

Two highly considerate and politically aware American Literature majors were decidedly curt with the homophone “Right” last Friday during a Faulkner seminar. Other students, in the spirit of tolerance, joined in to diffuse Right’s negative influence on the otherwise grammatically courteous class.

PAGE T0

Area Women Swooned with Broken French

Despite taking only one semester, Chaz Sanders successfully endeared himself to Liz Michaels with broken French. “I think it’s a certain je ne sais quoi that they attach themselves to,” said Sanders while swirling his decanter of wine.

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Aspiring Filmmaker Grows Sweet Beard Expatriate Desperate for a Good PAGE PAGE 0.0 Cheeseburger

1961