63.08

OPINIONS

FREE MEDIA IS HERE TO STAY

BECAUSE “THE MAN” NEVER STUDIED MARXISM MICHAËL VEREMANS

Illustration

JAMES KISLINGBURY

C

an you remember the first time you found out that the internet had music for free?

When you stopped buying CDs and just started finding albums on Napster when it was free, Kazaa before it was pushed underground, and before the covert linking sites and torrents. Those glory days of unregulated Internet-informationfreedom were good, but then the Man got wise and started to code material, suing these sites and even some individuals—students—to whom these songs are priceless. But the FCC, the structural tool of the media corporations, cannot crack down on everyone…

Iran for years now has been openly violating U.S. copyright laws. As the token cheeky rogue nation of the world, the Persian government has made it their duty not only to ignore international copyright laws, but to openly engage in the violation of these laws. On top of having a music industry that is 100% pirated material (excluding national artists who UNION WEEKLY

20 OCTOBER 2008

are protected under the law), Persian publishing companies have actively participated in translating and distributing literary books and school textbooks for a fraction of the “legitimate” cost.

International copyright organizations, such as the Motion Picture Association, have tried to stifle the level of Internet piracy taking place in Iran.

Countless websites, some accessible in the US even, host free movies, music, and digitalized literature and although some have been successfully shut down— namely those charging money for their services— the country of Iran remains resistant to draconian copyright policy, which many notable economists see as actually hindering the development of the entertainment industry.

Let’s explain the future of media: digital media must and will be free to all copyright watchdog organizations, and many free information groups (such as the Electronic Frontier Foundation) have estimated that 95% of the music and movie sales in China are of pirated material. Chinese consumers even see DVDs of movies from the US hit the local stores before the movie’s US debut. It’s astounding—most of these bootlegged CDs and DVDs are produced and packaged to look identical to their legitimate cousin, down to the shrink-wrap and barcode.

Free media analyst Devin O’Neill described this economic phenomenon precisely: if you have one banana and you want to sell it, that banana holds an exchange value (according to Marx) for which you will pay money. But! If you can press a button that creates an infinite number of bananas,

that single banana, according to modern economic principles, becomes valueless. To us, that means that we shouldn’t have to pay for something that we can produce. As Marx predicted, the means of production are in our hands, or at least those of us with a CD burner.

Now, I know what you’re thinking, and we’ve all heard Metallica bitching, “what about the artist?” Well, according to most industry insiders, CD sales account for an extremely small portion of artist’s income, and the same is to be said about actors and other media figureheads who may claim to be suffering from our personal freedom. The entertainment industry in China is massive, and not just because China is massive, but because they’ve learned to use media releases as a tool to promote concerts, merchandise, and sponsors. Their goal is increased exposure, whether through so-called illegal means or not. This new business model actually puts MORE money in the hands of the artist.

This is the future of American media, whether the FCC likes it or not. Slowly our media conglomerates are getting the idea, but until then, we have bands like Radiohead and Nine Inch Nails releasing their albums for free and still selling out concerts, without record label middlemen. Though this struggles aims to free entertainment, there still exists information out there to which we, the citizens of the free world, are barred access. Access to information is a human right and millions of people are already participating in the democratic revolutionization of media, produced by us and for us once and for all.

OPINIONS

ANYONE CAN BE A GENIUS ALLAN STEINER

It might not be hard to make a replication of the art of someone like Jackson Pollock., but that doesn’t make that art any less fantastic. The thing that makes Pollock’s art so cool is its simplicity. The ingenuity comes not in its creation but instead in the vision that it takes to realize that something like that would look cool in the first place.

Complexity and genius are rarely one and the same.

And while complexity and genius can go hand in hand, they are not equal. Before moving on, let’s first define the difference between complexity and genius as they relate to art.

Complexity in art is how technically difficult something is.

Something complex takes a lot of practice and concentration to perfect and figure out. Genius in art is the vision and thought process that it takes to realize what an end product is going to be. Something that is successfully ingenious belongs distinctly to the person who created it and would be almost impossible for somebody else to come up with independently. As with everything in art, there are exceptions to this rule. I believe two people independently invented the

ELEVATORS CAN BE AWKWARD BUT THEY DONT HAVE TO BE

CARLOS GARCIA & SALVADOR RODRIQUEZ “BERT & ERNIE” This elevator ride happened to be going down from the top floor. These are always the worst because everyone usually has the same destination. As the metal box descends through space, the awkwardness in the elevator begins to increase. People in the elevator try their best not to make eye contact with anyone else. They look to the floor or the ceiling and wait for the elevator ride to end. If you do happen to make eye contact with someone you are either met with a, “Why-the-fuck-are-you-looking-at-me” look or with a quick, “Ohh-crap-I-wasn’t-looking-at-you” glance. This is when you begin to miss the elevator music— any music is better than the torturing sound of silence.

Along the way the elevator stops and allows more people to enter. Two friends are at the other end of the door. They are talking to one another, but as soon as they cross the doors they instantly end their conversation. They don’t want anyone in the elevator to listen to their conversation. They become complete strangers to one another and blend into the crowd of strangers that fill the small room.

After seconds-that-seem-like-hours finally pass, the elevator is close to reaching its destination. The elevator comes to a slow stop at the first floor. Then comes the most unbearable moment of the whole elevator ride: everyone in the elevator begins to collectively do the hokey pokey in their minds. Then some smartass in the elevator says, “Don’t you love the awkwardness?” Everyone fidgets and waits for the doors to open. When the doors do open, everyone is relieved and goes about their business trying to never think of what just happened.

But what is it about a small room that makes people so uncomfortable? There is no need for an awkward elevator ride. Next time you ride the elevator, start a conversation with the people you are forced to share a short part of your life with. Even if you end up making a complete ass of yourself it won’t matter because it’s not like you’re going to ever see them again. And who knows, maybe you’ll meet someone interesting—someone just as awkward as you.

KATIE REINMAN

So, this week I discovered that I’m a natural born murder machine with a shotgun.

Even with a class 5 headache boring holes into my concentration, all I need is some buckshot and a firing pin to become death, destroyer of clay pigeons. I bring this up, not just to brag (but it is pretty bad-ass), but to introduce a point: I love America, Americana, and Americans for the most part, but I have got to get out of this country. As much as I love cheeseburgers, genteel Texan accents, and the bicameral legislature, this is clearly not the country for me.

The first, and best, example is the election we’re currently suffering from. It doesn’t matter how ridiculous, paranoid, and desperate the RNC gets, there’s still a solid 40 percent of this nation who will cast a vote for anything under the banner of the elephant. I really can’t believe anyone can still think that honesty is the best policy after watching television. I mean, there are actually people who are voting based on which candidate has more of the Holy Spirit within them (how do you measure that?). And then there’s the actual voting part, which is preached as civic duty at its most crucial and yet 40 percent of eligible voters found themselves unwilling or unable to vote in 2004. Throw all that in with the farcical Electoral College, election fraud, hanging chads, and Supreme Court presidential decisions and you’ve got a particularly nasty November gumbo.

The real reason I’m keeping a bag packed, however, is the national surge of anger I’ve been seeing. It’s the people who use the phrase “America: Love it or Leave it” that absolutely make me want to leave it. This is the country where I was born, where I grew up, and where I’ve accomplished virtually everything in life so far (unless you count a 12-hour tequila bender in Ensenada as an accomplishment). And yet I find it increasingly difficult to stomach the kind of behavior that I see from people classified as “real Americans.” America is a nation of pluralism, and somehow there is a pervasive belief that you can measure a person’s patriotism by how much they love Jesus, physical labor, and the troops. I flatly refuse to take lessons on the soul of America from those who do not understand the principles it was founded on.

So I look to the day that I’ll watch those beautiful beaches drift over the horizon. It may take some getting used to, and maybe these problems will follow me wherever I go, but that won’t make the sea change any less necessary. And perhaps one day I can sit in some hyper-European coffee shop, my ex-patriate nose firmly lodged in the air, and reminisce about all the things that were sooo much better in the states.

Illustration

MATT DUPREE

NEVER MIND THE POLLOCK

light bulb at the same time (and if they didn’t, well, you get the point.) The distinction between complexity and genius applies to all forms of art, whether it’s in music, visual arts, creative writing, theatre, or any other type of art.

Just like somebody can learn to make their art more complex by practicing, a person can make their work more ingenious by studying successful works of artists from the past and learning from them either by imitating them and being influenced by them or by finding patterns and contradicting them. Practicing is just as important as watching somebody else practice. It’s why so many popular artists have such a wide knowledge of their area of expertise. Most talented musicians have incredibly diverse musical tastes, which isn’t at all surprising. The same thing goes for other mediums as well. Film director Quentin Tarintino could double as a film historian and be very successful simply because he pulls influence from so many places.

There is a place in art for both complexity and genius, and most good art is made up of a combination of the two. But a lot of really good songs are made up of only three or four chords. There is an entire movement in art called Minimalism that focuses on this idea. And the idea extends past the arts as well. I already mentioned the invention of the light bulb, but the idea applies to just about any place where creativity might be needed. From inventing something to creating a business plan.

If you want a feel-good ending to this article, here it is: anyone can create something brilliant. A lot of times it’s hard to tell what will reach people and what won’t. The most important thing is to keep trying and to keep paying attention to what people before you and around you are doing.

UNION WEEKLY

20 OCTOBER 2008

OPINIONS ARE YOU THERE WIND? IT’S ME, JASON.

THE POLLEN, MY FRIEND, IS BLOWIN’ IN THE WIND JASON OPPLIGER Dear Santa Ana Winds, Welcome back you crazy old hallucinogenic bastard. Has it been a year already since you destroyed my remaining humanity snipping those dental floss lines of sanity? Well, this year I warmly embrace you dear doldrummed Santa Ana Winds as you blow burning-cold-death-warble in my ear canal, drought of the harvest, heaver of fire and breath of ash. Why, with you here maundering through our lanky bones, smoking cigarettes is redundant; my throat tastes of burning with just you and the mystery-pixie-goldladen-dust-storm-film that fills up our tracheas, corneas, cilia, our mouths. Dry and charred. You who goos up my nostrils: dry-baked-crisp-rocks of jagged snot. With you here, on your annual visit, my roasted red face of raw and baking, toes chilled and pleading for realistic shoes and legitimate socks,

leave me to shrug as you mock logic and the laws of proper meteorology, spit frozen fire in our faces, my face; but like Gandhi and his soul force, that good old Satyagraha: I hold you to my chest and sway in the intoxicating gargling casuistic breeze that you bring with you and spray all over the cement sidewalk. I know that while you convection coat, with acrid air and a dept of heat, our long beach, flame-throwing, agent-orange-epoxy-napalm-mornings, stoking forest fires like Jimi Hendrix, come on baby light my fire, I know that the fallout brings the crisp lingering of fireplace smoke nights. That scent of campfire, almost of dark citrus and cooked cheese and those wrappedup-blanket-mid-mornings. I invite you to my table, dragon’s breath, and I loathe intensely all that you are. I abhor your entire being into the atoms of your amorphous nothingness, but I say come! Blissfully bring your paper-tonsil-scratch, volley your igniting sunset-blaze that grabs earlobes with ice fingers; bring all that shit. I know what you bring with you though.

And soon you die. I know. After you comes winter. I can wade through this apocalypse like the Christian bible with horseman and then the new earth, somewhere in Revelation. And then the winter. A revelation. I know you carry on your back the holistic sanity of December and that blow-into-hands-joy of January. I resign all my indiscernible obscenities and grovel at your toes and let you step on my lips and salt the earth, me with a Carmex-tingle-prostration. I bow to your will, I will not cut and run or take the train to Ventura. I will not fly on planes to the sensible Midwest with that toasty-fallen-leaf- logic. I will stand tall and ride my

YOU’RE NOT “JUST ONE OF THE GUYS” WHY BEING TOUGH SHOULDN’T MEAN HAVING TO SACRIFICE YOUR FEMININITY CAITLIN CUTT Congratulations, I’m afraid of you.

I was at work the other day, minding my own business. To be specific, I was dividing up hundreds of napkins—really intellectual stuff. Out of no where this girl that I occasionally work with comes up and says, “You’re doing that wrong, are you fukin’ stupid?” She then proceeded to grab the basket away from me and, I guess, do it right.

Okay, here’s the thing, on more than a few occasions I have heard this girl talk about “kicking” some other girls “ass” and wanting to “funkin’ slap some bitch across the face.” She’s one of those “tough girls”. Do you know the type? The kind of girl that doesn’t get “all emotional” about things and just “gets” guys more than girls, which is why most of her friends are men. The type of girl who can handle dirty jokes and just hates pink, and makeup, and all things that, God forbid, allude to any form of femininity lurking in her tribal tattooed, randomly pierced body.

Tough girls, you are ridiculous. You are a sad misfire in feminism. You have confused enlightenment and insight with the sad fact that you are emotionally unavailable. You were not hugged enough, no one told you that you were worth a dam, and it shows. It’s cool that you don’t wear make-up, you don’t have to, but girls who do aren’t stupid. Also, while I also don’t really get along with girls, I do get along with women. You know, established, admirable beings who have their lives together? The fact that you are constantly surrounded by men, and no other women in your life, to me, really just points to the fact that you can’t deal with women that you perceive as a threat. So you’re alternative? You call the rest of the female population “stupid” or “crazy” which just makes you sound like the misogynistic ass-holes that you surround yourself with; Or, like my co-worker, you actually resort to physical violence, which actually makes anyone look stupid whether you sit or stand when you pee.

Finally, the real reason you “tough girls” piss me off is that your “cool” behavior sets the rest of us women back. Being an independent woman means being able to navigate diplomatically through society. It means having the ability to really speak your mind, which, like a narrow-minded man, you have deemed being emotional. You make it hard for the rest of us women who want to find a man, or woman for that matter, who will respect us, be kind, and really want us for who we are, because girls like you are out there bending and molding into the kind of woman you think men want; you have become what you claim to hate. In the end, sadly, it’s the worst kind of man that you’ll end up attracting, You’re not tough, you’re a child, a sad scared little girl in my opinion. Yes you can beat me up. Yes I’ll cry. But at least I can call myself a woman.

UNION WEEKLY

20 OCTOBER 2008

bike into your bronchial upheavals and feel as if I am overtaking the sun while somehow being plunged in Chickaloon Bay (it’s in Alaska people). I don’t know by what ancient curse your halitosis dust-bowl-cholera visits our human city in this inhospitable place but I will sacrifice a goat to you every fortnight if you leave.

Just stop reminding me of the harsh world outside my window-closed abode. I don’t want you to ruin this by talking. I don’t like you. But I will put my head down and trek through your diarrhea-zephyrs because you will die for winter. And I will cheer. And start thinking about moving to a place intended to support human life before next October. I plead with you though you fickle affliction of autumn: don’t follow me. The earth is fucked enough as it is.

I wish you only death, Jason

ISSUE 63.08 vince.union@gmail.com kathym.union@gmail.com

MATT DUPREE

matt.dupree@gmail.com Senior Editor KATRINA SAWHNEY katrina.union@gmail.com News Director RACHEL RUFRANO rachel.union@gmail.com Opinions Editor VINCENT GIRIMONTE vince.union@gmail.com Sports Editor CAITLIN CUTT caitlincutt.union@gmail.com Literature Editor & PR JOE BRYANT joeb.union@gmail.com Entertainment Editor SEAN BOULGER seanb.union@gmail.com Music Editor & PR KATHY MIRANDA kathym.union@gmail.com Culture Editor VICTOR CAMBA victorpc.union@gmail.com Comics Editor KATIE REINMAN reinman.union@gmail.com Creative Arts Editor MICHAEL VEREMANS scarf.union@gmail.com Creative Writing Editor SOPHISTICATED BEAR bear.grun@gmail.com Grunion Editor CLAY COOPER, STEVEN CAREY Graphic Designers CHRIS LEE photos4union@gmail.com Photo Editor JOE BRYANT Copy Editing Coordinator, On-Campus Distribution CLAY COOPER clay.union@gmail.com Internet Caregiver KATRINA SAWHNEY katrina.union@gmail.com Advertising Executive ALLAN STEINER allan.union@gmail.com Advertising Executive ANDREW WILSON, ALAN PASSMAN, JASON OPPLIGER, CHRISTINE HODINH, JESSE BLAKE, JAMES KISLINGBURY, DOMINIC MCDONALD, HILLARY CANTU, RUSSELL CONROY, KEN C., MIKE GUARDABASCIO, ANDREW LEE, TYLER DINLEY, MICHELLE BANDACH, SERGIO ASCENCIO, MICHAEL MERMELSTEIN, CARLOS GARCIA, SALVADOR RODRIQUEZ, KELVIN HO, CHELSEA ROSENTHAL, KATRINA GUEVARA, ANDY KNEIS, JESSICA WILLIAMS Contributors Disclaimer and Publication Information The Union Weekly is published using ad money and partial funding provided by the Associated Students, Inc. All Editorials are the opinions of the writer, and are not necessarily the opinions of the Union Weekly, the ASI, or of CSULB. All students are welcome and encouraged to be a part of the Union Weekly staff.

All letters to the editor will be considered for publication. However, CSULB students will have precedence.

All outside submissions are due by Thursday, 5 PM to be considered for publishing the following week and become property of the Union Weekly. Please include name, major, class standing, and phone number for all submissions. They are subject to editing and will not be returned. Letters will be edited for grammar, spelling, punctuation, and length. The Union Weekly will publish anonymous letters, articles, editorials and illustrations, but they must have your name and information attached for our records. Letters to the editor should be no longer than 500 words.

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Questions? Comments?

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MAIL TO THE CHIEF LETTERS TO THE EDITOR MIKE “BEEF” PALLOTTA

L

adies and gentleman, I have some news. I’ve contracted something fierce—gun fever. This week myself and some other Union staffers went to a shooting range (Insight Shooting Range to be specific) and we indulged in something few of us had ever indulged in before: our right to fire a gun. I had only previously shot a rifle way back when I was 10 years-old, and that was a .22. Nothing to brag about. Wanting to jump right into the deep end I opted to rent the .357 Magnum and holy shit was it a good idea. Every shot from the Magnum was a concussive blast that even bystanders could feel in their chest. The power in my hands left my legs shaking after the first round, I could barely control myself. I had to put aside all the fears instilled in me since childhood. That gun in my hands, in that situation, wasn’t any more dangerous than being behind the wheel of a car, just turning and pointing the gun in a different direction could have killed someone, but as long as I followed the rules all would be well. When you stop thinking about how guns have fucked up so many peoples’ lives, and you’re holding it in your hands, you realize that it’s just a toy.

A stupid little toy that people have abused for so long now, using it to inflict so much pain. It’s too bad we’ve got to ruin it for ourselves, ‘cause guns are fuckin’ fun.

Now onto the mail:

Dear Beef, As of late, I’ve been haunted by horrific eschatologic nightmares of obsidian black skeletons riding into my homestead turning all they contact into ash and misery.

Those that dodge these demiurges of entropy will be beholden to Nature gone wrong. Son will battle father, brother will turn on brother, mothers will smother their children in the night, keeping them forever away from the reprobates and anti-argonauts that have now taken a hold of society like a ligature on the throat of all Reason and Hope. Anyways, my question is in regards to the secret In N’ Out menu—What is your favorite item from that occult listing?

Your Scholar, James Kislingbury Shockingly enough, I don’t like In N’ Out. Yes, hate me.

Hey Beef, Big time Union fan here. I just want to know what your mornings are like. You know, what do you do when you wake up? When do you wake up? Do you wear slippers? I love slippers. And if you do wear slippers, do they have soft bottoms or hard bottoms? Sometimes I rake leaves with my slippers on.

Okay, well thanks.

Sam Gompers Well I usually awake in my boxer-briefs, no slippers, and then I take a piss in the shower, aiming for the drain.

Ask Away!

Need advice from a man named Beef? Well send all questions to editorinbeef@gmail.com!

BEHIND THE SCENES

AN INSIDE LOOK AT THE MAKING OF THIS WEEK’S FEATURE This entire feature was basically an excuse for us to go out and shoot. Early on in the semester we talked about how much fun it would be to go shooting, and we immediately joked about doing a gun feature later in the semester.

Some Union staffers didn’t think it was a good idea. You know what? Fuck ‘em, because we were right: it was a hell of a fun time.

Even though the people who operated the first range we fired at clearly didn’t want to deal with 20something journalists using their place of business as fodder for an article (to be fair we showed up an hour and a half before closing), we at the Union Weekly would highly recommend Insight Shooting Range in Artesia. For those of you looking to shoot at clay pigeons, the nice folks at Raahauges Shooting Clockwise from top left: Rachel Rufrano, Beef, Joe Enterprises in Norco is for you.

Bryant, James Kislingbury, and Hillary Cantu.

UNION WEEKLY

STEVEN CAREY

editorinbeef@gmail.com

COVER ART

MIKE “BEEF” PALLOTTA Editor-In-Chief VINCENT GIRIMONTE Managing Editor KATHY MIRANDA Managing Editor

“The gun made a ripping sound like the opening of the zipper on the fly of God Almighty.”

—Kurt Vonnegut, Slaughterhouse-Five

20 OCTOBER 2008

SPORTS

THE BUSH LEAGUER VINCENT GIRIMONTE

As sure as this word has been bolded, Pacman Jones will find trouble. It’s just what he does. TBL is not surprised that he started a fight with his bodyguard--no, we’re beyond the courting stage. I suppose it’s nothing but ordinary given the money being made by signing problematic players. The Pacmans and Ocho Cincos of the world guarantee your team’s brand a segment on Sportscenter and some page space in rags like this one. I guess we’re part of the problem at TBL, as usual.

What to make of this? Science, that’s what.

This just follows football’s Fibonacci sequence: Raider coach fired, Chad Johnson tweaking his name, optimism towards the Buffalo Bills, Kerry Collins starting at quarterback for a hot team, and Pacman in the shit. It’s all too predictable in the year ‘08.

VINCENT GIRIMONTE

TOO MUCH TROY

WATER POLO FALLS TO USC, THROWS ONE REALLY GREAT PUNCH VINCENT GIRIMONTE & MIKE GUARDABASCIO

M Photo RUSSELL CONROY

omentum can change a game, even when it’s submerged in water. LBSU Water Polo learned this on Saturday against the top-ranked USC Trojans, with key mental mistakes down the stretch giving the vaunted attack from USC all the breathing room they needed to pull away 12-7.

Throughout the game, USC used their size and power to push the 49er attack towards the outside, forcing many possessions to end with a last second shot. Long Beach Wilson High grad Matt Sagehorn was active in the middle, opening lanes on the wings for several goals, including three from Shea Buckner.

The Trojans jumped out to an early lead, closing the first period up 2-0, and looking every bit like the number one team in the nation (USC hasn’t lost a game and is 18-0 after the win). In the second, Long Beach goalie Derek Wiebe-Bailey really stepped up his play, blocking a bunny shot over his head and sealing the side posts when USC tried to drive with an angle. It was more of the same in the third, with USC looking bigger and stronger, but a few key exclusion penalties and

great scrappy play from Long Beach kept them in the contest, especially from Keith vanHaaster, the 6’3” senior center who’s the team’s third-leading scorer on the season. The 49ers’ leading scorer, Jeff Greenwood, was held scoreless.

Despite USC’s offensive power, the 49ers countered effectively, playing well when they were shorthanded and capitalizing on opportunities when they were a man up.

Going into the fourth period, they were only down 7-4, and a huge upset seemed within reach. Then almost immediately, the 49ers struck again forty-five seconds into the fourth, pulling them within two.

That’s when things got weird. vanHaaster, by far the 49ers’ most effective offensive player in the game, apparently decided the Trojans’ Sagehorn was getting a little too chippy, probably in retaliation for an earlier shot that was decidedly below the Speedo line. VanHaaster, furious, put all of his 245 pounds behind a staggering blow to the back of Sagehorn’s head, eliciting an ejection for the “brutality” call. Yes, brutality is a penalty in water polo. Sagehorn took a penalty shot, but Wiebe-Bailey made a great play in net to knock it down. Despite losing vanHaaster, momentum was still on the ‘Niners’ side, down only two against the rattled Trojans.

Then LBSU made a mistake they couldn’t recover from, giving USC a penalty shot opportunity on an illegal substitution call. USC coach Jovan Vavic let Sagehorn take the shot, and this time he netted it, giving USC an 8-5 lead; they then went on a 3-0 run to put the game out of reach, en route to the 12-7 victory.

“Those mistakes were momentum shifters,” said Long Beach head coach Gavin Arroyo. “We played three good quarters, but you can’t give a team like them a chance to throw off your momentum.”

The story for the Dodgers is now whether or not they will sign Manny Ramirez after he ended the season as the hottest hitter in baseball. They must be scared shitless. To bomb on another hefty acquisition would only seem logical--we’ve seen it before, most recently with Andruw Jones. Manny’s best years are behind him, so why pay him top-dollar? Above average doesn’t cut it for over $20 million a season.

This whole Big 12 thing is getting incestuous. Top-ranked Texas, after beating then number one Oklahoma the week before, looked great against #11 Missouri.

Missouri, you know, was beaten by #8 Oklahoma State last week, too. 16th ranked Kansas lost to the 4th ranked Sooners, of course, and Texas Tech is fooling nobody at #7. Thank you, preseason rankings.

USC scored 69 points against Washington State last Saturday and it wasn’t even that close. Washington is still winless and can’t score in a brothel. It’s been a tough apple harvest.

Everybody is riding the bus, except for John Madden. Big J needed some time off, so says NBC, to see his grandchildren and did not join Al Michaels for Sunday’s broadcast in Tampa Bay. TBL’s friend and foe Yikes saw John Madden walking in Qualcomm Stadium last Monday, limping around like a beaten mule and pale. Here’s to you John, the only guy who has successfully pulled off the Dumb Jock in the booth. I forgive you for putting Joe Theismann into context, but reluctantly so. Get better.

I ran 13.1 miles last weekend in the Long Beach Half-Marathon, and actually had a good time doing it despite all pretenses of what I thought could be fun. I don’t understand real runners, the marathoners, and I don’t imagine I ever will.

I learned a few things, though. For example, lock the door on the port-a-potty when you make a pit stop. I enjoyed being part of the mass who woke up at 6:30 to fucking annihilate the morning frost, and it was time well spent with my brother. All Great Men Run.

UNION WEEKLY

20 OCTOBER 2008

SPORTS BOSS LIST part 2

SOME ATHLETES DOING BETTER THAN OUR ECONOMY

SERGIO ASCENCIO Boss \bau-ss\, noun 1.Often used to describe an athlete dominating or “breaking faces” within their sport and collecting stats of remarkable value and quantity.

—Though Manny Ramirez played like a boss down the stretch, it wasn’t enough for the Dodgers to shed the weight of mediocrity.

Kim Silos, Soccer Kimmy Silos has been limping around the field for the whole season it seems like, but it hasn’t affected her play—at all. As a senior, Silos has come off the bench for the majority of the season and is still second on the team with six goals. Silos had a goal and an assist in the ‘Niners 4-1 win over UC Riverside last Friday, ending a 270 minute scoring drought for Long Beach State. Silos has never been shy pulling the trigger on a shot from anywhere on the field. This has resulted in some memorable goals during her four years at the beach. She scored a clutch equalizer in the 88th minute of a physical match against pac-10 foe Oregon

early in the season, with her off foot.

Sara Baca, Soccer Let’s face it: Sara Baca has been a boss since she stepped foot on campus. Now, she finds herself anchoring the best defense in the Big West, the defense that has been a big reason why this team has shutouts in half their matches and a total of 12 goals in 16 games. In most cases, opposing teams don’t even get clear shots off because Baca is usually there to bully on every possession. Baca is the perfect example for the younger defensemen on the team. Freshman Nicole Hubbard and sophomore Bo Rael are future bosses learning from the Long Beach Ricky Ross.

she ranks second on the squad in aces, third in digs and blocks. Her presence can go unnoticed at times but she is the offense’s architect, putting her teammates in position for kills and the team for the win.

Her mom is also a coach on the volleyball staff and her sister balls at UC Santa Barbara, and you know what that means—she’s a second-generation boss.It’s in her DNA.

Quincy Verdin, Volleyball Verdin has come up as of late, displaying her boss-like potential. She has averaged 14.8 kills over the last six matches in which the ‘Niners have won five.With teams shifting their focus towards Boss list member Caitlin Leadoux, Verdin has stepped it up in good time with the team hitting the latter portion of their conference schedule. Most recently Verdin hit .480 in the team’s 3-0 sweep over UCR. Yeah, we wouldn’t want to go up face-to-face with one of her fastballs either.

Nicole Vargas, Volleyball The senior setter has expanded her role on the squad, showing she can do more than just set up smashes for her talented clean-up hitters. Her 10.12 assist per set (739 total) are fourth in conference, and

UNION WEEKLY

20 OCTOBER 2008

ENTERTAINMENT BEAUTIFUL CHO MARGARET CHO’S “REALITY” SHOW AND MAKING A LIVING BEING FUNNY CAITLIN CUTT

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Photos

very Saturday night in junior high, my best friend Lauren and I had a ritual: We would eat dinner at her parents’ house, get into our pajamas, break out the Rocky Road, and turn on the TV. We’d watch MadTV, Tales from the Crypt, and South Park, which ended at about 1AM—that’s when the really funny stuff would come on. In the middle of the night, Comedy Central used to show re-runs of HBO comedy specials. Dana Carvey, Paula Poundstone, Jim Carey, Sinbad, and Margaret Cho were all on a constant loop, and I can still recite those routines by heart. So, when I got to interview Margaret Cho last week, I got really, really excited. Because reciting her old routines back to her on the phone wouldn’t be that interesting, and would also be very creepy for Margaret, I managed to form some actual questions about her reality show, The Cho Show on VH1, her upcoming live show here in Long Beach this Thursday, and some other stuff I just always wanted to ask a stand-up comedian.

AUSTIN YOUNG

Union Weekly: I understand I should congratulate you, because you got a special award this year. I read on one of your blogs that you got the Korean of the Year Award.

Margaret Cho: Yes. I actually did an episode about that on my show, The Cho Show.

UW: So how did that happen?

MC: Well, I guess because I’m Korean. That’s probably why.

I don’t know.

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20 OCTOBER 2008

It’s a magazine called The Korean Journal and it’s profiled me a number of times. There are very few Korean-American entertainers out there. Like five or six—it’s gonna be one of them at some point.

UW: A lot of your material has a lot to do with sex and politics. What do you think is so funny about that?

Why does that work for you to talk about?

MC: Well, I think sex in general—it’s just a way people connect with each other. There’s a lot of room for awkwardness and mistakes, or misconnections. It’s funny. I think it’s a very interesting subject. You’re talking about humanity when you talk about that stuff.

UW: What’s funnier, sex or politics?

MC: Well, I think that depends. Right now, I find politics not very funny. I find it very discouraging right now, and kinda scary. But it can be very funny.

UW: I know from the beginning you have always been very open about your sexuality. Do people’s reactions to those things, good or bad, affect your stuff?

MC: I really only go by the reactions of people when I’m in front of them, I don’t look at the reactions beyond that. I don’t read reviews, or revisit stuff after it’s happened. It’s my relationship with the audience that I care about.

UW: Is that instant connection what drew you to comedy?

MC: Yeah and it’s the thing that’s most fulfilling about it. If you make a film, or you shoot a TV show, you tell a joke and you get the reaction maybe a year later. With stand-up, it’s immediate, and it’s quite gratifying.

UW: It’s an interesting switch to do a reality show, then.

MC: Yeah. I mean with that show it’s totally fake.

UW: Yeah, I figured. The episode with the haunted vagina was out there.

MC: I like to do that stuff. It’s really fun to script things. To me reality television in itself is kind of a scary though—to just not have anything prepared. You want to write stuff and make it work.

UW: Do you watch reality TV yourself?

MC: Yeah. I watch a lot of it. My favorite is LA Ink. I got a big tattoo from Cat Von Dee on her show. Then I love Project Runway, and I love Kathy Griffin’s show, [Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List].

UW: You did an episode of that right?

MC: I did. She’s really fun.

UW: You’re coming to Long Beach to perform, have you spent a lot of time in Long Beach before?

MC: A little bit. Even though it’s close to where I live I haven’t spent much time there. But I’m filming that night for my next DVD. It’s gonna be my fifth stand-up comedy film.

UW: That’s exciting. You’re routine is called “Beautiful.” What does that mean?

MC: Well it’s about how we’re just beautiful. I’m just beautiful. You’re just beautiful. It’s all about how you can call yourself beautiful and you just are. It’s not something you need to be named or crowned. So that’s the jumping off point but there’s more stuff, too. There’s stuff about the election, there’s stuff about sex: sex in general, sex and gender—gay stuff…

UW: What made you think, “Oh, stand-up comedy, that’ll work!”

MC: I just knew that it was going to be my life; I knew that was what I was going to do. I just knew, and I’ve been doing it a really long time. I’ve been doing it since I was 16. I was on my own at 16, but I was in a comedy group when I was 14. I wanted to be a comic when I was like, six.

UW: Doesn’t your dad write joke books?

MC: Yeah. My dad’s a funny guy, too.

UW: Are you guys funny in the same way?

MC: I think so. He’s really funny. I mean, I’m sure there’s a tendency for it to run in the family.

UW: Who were your heroes?

MC: Joan Rivers, Chris Rock. Wanda Sykes is someone I really love now. When I was growing up, people like Richard Prior, Eddie Murphy, or George Carlin.

UW: Have you gotten to meet any of them?

Margaret Cho won’t wear this to her show on the 25th.

Apologies to our Music Editor and creepy anime fans.

MC: Yeah, most of them actually—except for people who aren’t around like Lenny Bruce. Most of the people I really admire in comedy are also friends. So that’s really great.

UW: That sounds really great!

MC: It is, because you get to thank them personally.

UW: Do you write your material all by yourself or do you bounce it off anyone?

MC: I do it all myself. I know what’s gonna work and I put it together myself. I do a lot of shows to help me decide what I like. It takes a lot of time to put a show together.

UW: So if somebody at Long Beach State is reading this and thinks, “I am funny!” do you have words of advice?

MC: They should do [stand up]. It’s great. I think people should do it. It’s a tough profession, but if people feel like they have it in them, they should go for it. There are not a lot of people in comedy. There never has been.

It’s a very weird thing, and very few people become successful at it. I would love for people to try it. I love it.

This is my life. I’ll do it forever. I admire Joan Rivers because she’s 74 and she’s still on the road doing shows.

I want to do that. I want to tour forever.

So that was my talk with Margaret Cho. You should go see “Beautiful!” You might be in a movie if you get a seat in the front row, and on top of that you will definitely have a good time. I should go. I need to memorize some new stuff.

Margaret Cho is appearing alongside comedian Liam Sullivan this Thursday, the 25th at the Long Beach Terrace Theatre at 7pm.

ENTERTAINMENT DON’T IMPEACH BUSH W. IS FAIR AND KINDA BALANCED KELVIN HO

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nyone expecting Oliver Stone’s W. (Dubya!) to be like JFK and Nixon might be disappointed by how reined-in and agreeable it is towards our 43rd president. As a matter of fact, scenes that shine an ugly light on George W. Bush are fueled by the man himself. Anyone who’s been in a coma for the last eight years and is getting their first dose of Bush will chastise the director for imagining an absurd scene such as the president choking on a pretzel. Only a leftist rebel like Stone would have the gall to devise such tomfoolery. Damn you, Democrats!

Nonetheless, the reason that some people might dislike W.—for being straightforward and conventional in a “tellme-something-I-don’t-know” way—is why I enjoyed it. The film is as simple-minded as the man it’s poking fun at. Regarldess, Stone does try to delve into Bush’s psychological underpinnings.

We see Bush (Josh Brolin) in his early years as a frat boy with no sense of direction other than to come out of his father’s shadow. According to Oliver Stone, Bush Sr. (James Cromwell) or “Poppy,” is the catalyst for President Bush’s quick rise and impending fall as “Junior” struggles to win over his father’s approval. To explain Bush’s failed presidency using his relationship with his father seems cheap and clichéd. For example, the final dream sequence between the two in the Oval Office is obvious and overreaching as it tries to wrap up Bush’s character in a single notion. Nonetheless, Stone does manage to lend some sympathy to a president whose recent approval rating is barely up shit’s creek. In fact, Stone is extremely generous for treating Bush as merely ignorant and stubborn instead of

being intentionally malicious.

When the film isn’t tackling Bush’s Oedipal story, W. becomes more engaging.

The thread of the plot is centralized around the beginning and end, if you can call it an end, of the Iraq War. Though this is the area where you pretty much know how everything pans out, I still found it to be the most insightful part of the film. By giving us an unequivocal account of the process and methods in Bush’s circle, it reveals more about those characters than any flashback or dream sequence ever could. It becomes an eerie experience as the audience sits back and watches Bush, Cheney, Rove, and the rest of the cronies wield their power like teenagers who just found their father’s .44 Magnum. Consider the most powerful scene in the film: Dick Cheney, played brilliantly

by Richard Dreyfuss, offers a truthful yet alarming vindication for invading Iraq as he stands before a huge map of the Middle East littered with American flags (and it has nothing to do with democracy and freedom). I don’t know if such a moment or speech ever existed, but it certainly sums up the gung-ho attitude of Bush’s presidency.

Exactly why Stone decided to make this film is up for debate, and I don’t think he’s trying to influence voters in this upcoming election. I believe W. is a critique of the American people. How Bush ever got to sit in the Oval Office says more about the people who put him there than the man himself.

Okay I admit it—I might be overreaching.

Whatever its intentions are, W. is a neat little bookend to a tumultuous presidency.

Josh Brolin as young W. (right). Toby Jones as Karl Rove consults with Bush and his dogs (below).

UNION WEEKLY

20 OCTOBER 2008

SHOT THROUGH

THE HEART How the Union fell in love with guns

RACHEL RUFRANO

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e were hesitant to write this article.

There is so much controversy surrounding gun use and ownership, especially when it pertains to a group of college students. It’s an expected concern because we live in a world where school shootings are a real threat and there have already been seven school shootings in the United States

Photos HILLARY CANTU

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since Virginia Tech. Not to mention that whenever there is a publicized school shooting, the media likes to pinpoint a cause—usually something like video games, violent movies, or music—and we would hate for this article to fall under that category too, but the truth is that the cause is much more complex than that. If this article makes anyone feel unsafe, they are misplacing their fears. They would, first, be assuming that this paper has that kind of influence and second, they would be downplaying the real problem—kids raging through schools with guns are deeply disturbed, and to blame it on something like video games or this article would be overlooking the real issue. If the media actually wanted to find out what was wrong with these kids they would have to take their genetics, home UNION WEEKLY

20 OCTOBER 2008

life, environment, and mental sanity into account. But that’s much too complicated for the general public to absorb, so video games seem to be the go-to answer. The truth is, before we went to the shooting range, the closest most of us had ever come to holding a gun was in a video game. But we’re writers, and the only thing we ever hurt is ourselves, anyway.

Yes, there is a controversy surrounding gun use, and we almost didn’t do this article because of it. But why, if the Right to Bear Arms is ours as Americans, can’t we talk about it? It’s in the Constitution right along with Freedom of Speech and yet we don’t feel the freedom to speak about it.

Maybe it’s a completely outdated amendment—something that made more sense when it was created in 1791. Maybe it’s still necessary, but how can we ever know unless we look into it? Some people grew up in families where gun ownership is normal, but those of us at the Union, seeing as we live in Southern California, did not.

We wanted to know for ourselves: what’s the big deal? We set out on a two-day experiment in which (more or less) triggervirgins tested their courage and morals at a shooting range. We didn’t know what to expect. Would we feel empowered? Would our lives change? Would we become fanatics? Would we be disgusted with ourselves?

We jumped head first into a world we’d never known: a fantasy world that’s much more real than those we see through the eyes of an Xbox controller.

DAY ONE JAMES KISLINGBURY The inside of the shooting range was rather anti-climactic; instead of clouds of cigar smoke and eye patched-men gambling, there were rows of flourescent lighting and dull, grey carpeting. Instead of a burly roughneck standing behind the counter, there was a smiling, older Asian gentleman and his wife who sat knitting. If you missed the cases full of matte black handguns and all of the gunfire you might have mistook it for a DMV. I’ve fired weapons before with my dad about

Para SSP .38 Super

ten years ago, but if I learned anything from those experiences, I have long since forgotten it. I didn’t know what I could handle, so my partner and I decided to start in the kiddy pool of smaller caliber pistols. After telling the clerk this, we were given the .22LR—the preferred caliber of rat hunters the world over. Joe Bryant and Beef [Editor-in-Chief], on the other hand, decided to dive right in. They selected a massive, silver revolver, the .357 Magnum—Slayer of Zombies, Breaker of Wrists. If their gun was Dirty Harry, our gun was a boy scout with strong language.

After a brief lecture on gun safety and etiquette, we grabbed our buckets, weapons and ammo and walked to the shooting station. The moment we opened the door, the volume skyrocketed. I didn’t only hear the gunshots, I felt them in my entire body. I felt them from the lizard parts of my brain that were screaming “Oh shit!

Loud noises! Run!” to my chest that fluttered from the air pressure changes, to the roots of my teeth that rang like bells every time someone pulled the trigger.

The jingling of spent brass bullet casings on the floor sounded like a Christmas carol at Ted Nugent’s house. It’s a strangely innocuous sound for such a dangerous place, but then again everything is slightly off-kilter at a gun range. For one, there are pieces of supersonic lead flying around not thirty feet away and you paid for that privilege. Then there’s the fact that for your entire life you’ve been told not to screw around with guns—and we didn’t—but know that I still feel a tad guilty for having fun with a tool that is intended to injure living things. It’s the same kind of taboo feeling I imagine some people have with sex—that is, if sex could kill.

After a few dozen .22 rounds, we upgraded to the Beretta (a 9mm pistol and the preferred weapon of John Woo anti-heroes). Accuracywise I didn’t do as well with the 9mm as I did with the .22, but I didn’t come to prove my martial prowess. I came for the same reason some women date guys with motorcycles, because it’s dangerous looking without actually being dangerous.

Smith & Wesson .22 LR

The best weapon I fired all night was the Colt .45, an ugly, unwieldy beast that handles like a Buick. It bested me at the target range ten years ago, and because of that I wanted a second chance with it. For the most part, nothing changed on this evening.

My target was full of stray bullets—with one exception. When I saw it, I kind of knew that it didn’t really mean anything, but still cracked a grin, because there it was: a single, dead-center bull’s-eye.

DAY TWO Candice is driving us because she actually knows what to do with a gun.

Her sedan swerves down the beat-up asphalt. It’s been a while since I’ve shot, so I’m excited. My fellow Union staffer Matt nods in agreement from the backseat as we pull into the range.

It’s hot and there are far too many bees in Norco, but I really don’t care.

Candice pops the trunk, pulls out a misshaped neoprene rod and zips it open. I’m told it’s aBrowning 12 gauge from the ‘70s. The wood is worn and the metal is scratched, but I guess the bastard is like Rocky—down, but never out. There’s a runty codger of a dog scurrying at our feet and it’s clear that he doesn’t give a shit about the pops and snaps that echo here, so I decide not to either.

The office is all knotted wood and smoke. It is and isn’t what you’d expect. Republican campaign banners from the last three elections are stickered to a giant corkboard behind the counter, but a gentle-voiced man is piping on his cigarette and chatting into a phone. Another guy smiles Browning Lightning as we walk up and Candice 12 gauge does all the talking. Matt is a shotgun virgin and I might as well be it’s been so long, so we speed read through waivers,

throw our John Hancocks where needed, and step outside while Candice handles the rest.

We start with a rented 20 gauge. I’m not going to lie: it feels good in my hands. I take the first shell and shakily slide it in. I’m told to thumb the dime button on the side and the breach flies forward. It’s startling, but cool. Matt nods again and grins.

I say “pull” and a rustic R2-D2 tosses a neon Frisbee to the clouds. My aim is sloppy. The barrel booms and only cracks off a sliver of the disc, the rest crash-lands into dirt and straggled brush.

I want another go, so I slide back the breach and pull out the spent shell. It’s fresh from the oven and I drop it. I should’ve held it upright—could’ve saved my fingers the trouble. I reload confidently and I probably say pull too quickly, because I hit jack shit, but this time the gun’s upright and the shell spirals to my right. I suck, but I feel like the love child of the Duke and Clint Eastwood.

Matt has a go next. He’s better than I am and an asshole about it. His clay pigeon’s remains pepper the ground and there’s that nod again.

He reloads and nails another. The guy Candice talked to earlier shows us the ropes. We were both holding it wrong, and he suggests we use the 12 gauge because of our height.

It packs heat and throttles against my shoulder. He was right. Clay confetti floats down and I crack the gun in two—the used up plastic and brass jets backwards, it smells like the Fourth, and hits Matt in the balls. We keep firing for the next hour, and Matt ends up hitting six to my four. Between the two of us we must have fired a good fifty times though, so statistically we’re both losers. We leave the range like kids called to dinner from the television—reluctant but satisfied.

Regardless of what side you’re on, guns are a part of our culture and our history.

They’ve been used for some awful things and it’s easy to see why people can be so careless and disconnected from their power: guns are glorified in movies and music. There is some part of human nature that is intrinsically violent and it’s scary knowing that there are gun

owners who don’t know how to control that.

But we can’t ignore that it’s an American right and it is possible for us to use guns legally, safely, and responsibly and, in turn, learn a lot about ourselves. Just like anything else in life, we are given a certain amount of control and responsibility and it’s up to us to make the right decisions.

JOE BRYANT

UNION WEEKLY

20 OCTOBER 2008

11

MUSIC MIKE WATT, WIDOWS, AND BABIES

LETTING THE FREAK FLAG FLY ANDY KNEIS

I

Photos CLAY COOPER

first saw Mike Watt in person slumped against the outside wall of Pehrspace in Los Angeles smoking a cigarette. Mike was a member of the legendary punk band The Minutemen and he currently plays bass for another legendary punk outfit: The Stooges. Mike was there supporting a local band, The Widow Babies and their release of the aptly titled Mike Watt E.P. Elise, lead singer of the Widow Babies introduced me, and after he said hello, Mike told Elise he had something to show her. He pulled out a bag of gummy worms from his jacket pocket and showed it to her. He didn’t offer her any or anything, he just showed them. Hell yes.

The show started off with Mike’s band Dos, featuring former Black Flag bassist Kira Roessler. As if the night hadn’t started off weirdly enough, I stopped for a moment to take in my surroundings—things just didn’t make any sense. Here I was somewhere in LA, in some weird gallery venue thing that looked like it used to be a mattress store with two punk legends both playing cool farty bass lines that shook all the walls. I feel like I’m lost a lot, but that night I was just floating out there in space. That’s not to say I didn’t enjoy myself.

After, the Widow Babies came on and they didn’t help with my situation either. Jerks! Now, I was in an abandoned mattress store with a band playing a song titled “Mike Watt Created the Universe with a Bass Solo.” The entire situation was fascinatingly bizarre as the Babies’ intense music scraped and slammed against the walls adorned with very small pictures of bugs and stuff (it was a gallery also?) At the end of the show they threw out little plastic spiders into the audiDos: Mike Watt (The Minutemen, The Stooges) and Kira Roessler (Black Flag)

UNION WEEKLY

20 OCTOBER 2008

The Widow Babies are: from left, Tabor, Neal, Elise, and Danny. Not Pictured: Me looking confused and handsome.

ence and the spiders bounced off people’s heads before they had a chance to do anything but be confused (I think it was because of Halloween). I couldn’t help but be extremely entertained by all of it.

After the bands played, we sat down in the parking lot outside and got a chance to have an extended talk with the star-struck Widow Babies (because of Mike, not me!) and Mike Watt. Things didn’t start making more sense or anything but the more I talked with Mike and the Babies, the more I realized that things were much more interesting that way anyway.

Union Weekly: So, Mike, how did you get mixed up in all this?

Mike Watt: Well, I’m an older punk rocker… The scene has gone through lots of twists and turns over the years. It’s wheels within wheels, and I got caught up in it.

UW: Widow Babies, what’s your mindset after finishing your new EP? Widow Babies: Well, we wrote the original song “Mike Watt Created the Universe with a Bass Solo” a year and a half ago. It was supposed to be a joke song, it didn’t really fit in with our sound at the time, but after we wrote that we got really into it and wrote the rest of the EP, we were really inspired by it. We were playing a lot of Halloween parties and the only costume Danny (guitar) had was a Dracula cape and an Abraham Lincoln mask, so we created the character of Vampire Lincoln. It sort of became this abstract idea of Vampire Lincoln and we created this whole goofy story about it.

UW: Mike, how do you feel about the whole creating the universe with a bass solo thing?

MW: I think that’s really great because when I was growing up, in arena rock there was a huge hierarchy, the bass player was like the retarded cousin. In punk bands, we were all just starting so everyone was equal and all that hierarchy dissolved. Somebody’s gotta create the universe, why not a bass player?

UW: Babies, your band has a unique sound, did you start out trying to be different or did it just end up that way?

WB: Well with our first album, it’s clear we were listening to a lot of The Minutemen, but we’ve been able to diversify. We took a lot of their teachings and ethos about music in general and we turned that into our own sound.

Taking their positive attitude about creating something unique and then adding our own input and our own taste.

MW: Yeah, we never thought punk was a style of music; punk was more just getting a vibe. It’s a square fucking world that maybe you can’t fit in, so make your own world. It was like, anything goes. There were some very strange bands, but strange was good.

We couldn’t show we were different on the outside because we had to pay the rent, we were working people. We got a lot of shit back then, cups of piss, and bags of shit thrown at us.

UW: Did that ever deter you, with them giving you shit… throwing shit.

MW: Well, a farmer would tell you if you want to make a crop, use a lot of manure. It was trippy thing; we were rocking the boat a little bit. Somebody once told me: “The only thing new… is you finding out about it.”

UW: Widow Babies, how do you guys go about writing songs?

WB: We try to think of a dynamic, and once something takes shape we can move on and do other parts once we get a feeling for the song. After we’ve been working on it for a while we come up with more specific parts and get a clearer idea of what it’s going to be. A lot of it comes out of not trying to sound like other songs. We all have really different approaches to music, too. We sound nothing like each other at all.

MW: Like the farmer thing with the manure, I think it made The Minutemen stronger. We didn’t ask for approval, we weren’t gonna get it. The Berlin Walls are in the head. You have to keep pushing, because people get in an agreement. “The wall’s over there I know it,” but nobody goes and checks it out.

UW: Do you guys feel like you’re part of a movement?

WB: We like to think so. It’s sort of hard, we pride ourselves on being different, which makes it hard to find bands to play with, we don’t know if the people that like our contemporaries will like us too. When people come together, though, it doesn’t even matter; everyone’s going to be accepting of what you’re going to play as long as it’s good. We’re on a lot of eclectic bills.

MW: Yeah, big time, and that’s the point of music, rhythm and notes; the stories. Genre, that’s some fucking marketing man trying to make his job easier. Shit on that, let the listeners decide. We’re all students, students for life. I think Buddha said that.

UW: Do you think you can learn the best from other musicians and artists?

MW: Oh yeah, Iggy says to me: “Mike why don’t you get in touch with your stupid self.”

WB: [Everyone laughs] That must have been incredible.

MUSIC MUSIC GIRL TALK THE UNION WEEKLY SITS DOWN WITH KRISTI JO MICHELLE BANDACH

K

risti Jo is sitting alone in the corner of the room.

An orange glow settles melodramatically over her and the surrounding equipment—snaking wires and metal tripods litter the stage. I stare as she squints past the blanket of overhead light to study the turnout at the tables, she nods and then checks her watch. It’s 6:58pm.

Kristi Jo, who has been singing and playing guitar since she was 13, clears her throat and intuitively raises her lips to the mic. “This first one’s called Access Granted…”

A couple of minutes and half a bread-basket later, I’m pulled out of my aural rapture as a profound applause comes spilling out from between the booths and tables.

A few WOO’s are even shouted out from the back of the restaurant. I drop my bread to join in with the crowd.

Kristi Jo is a local singer-songwriter who has thus far made her career by playing bars, restaurants and stages in the LA and Orange County areas, and if you haven’t heard of her yet… you’re definitely missing out.

Union Weekly: So as a musician, what do you consider to be your greatest accomplishment so far?

Kristi Jo: I’d have to say playing at the House of Blues [last year]. Being up on the same stage where so many artists I love have played was a great feeling.

UW: Where do you see your career standing right now?

KJ: On the brink. I have a new album coming soon, and upcoming tours and shows.

UW: Where do you want it be?

KJ: I think I dream of the same things that every other performer does. Tour buses, worldwide tours, songs on the radio, respect from musical peers and fans for making music they can relate to. No photos in trashy celeb magazines, though [laughs].

UW: Who has musically influenced you most?

KJ: So many artists come to mind. I think The Beatles are to blame for me starting to play any instruments; I listened to only The Beatles for a solid 3 years.

I have a soft spot for a lot of the hippie music that came out of the ‘60s.

[My eyes wander to a tattoo strung around her lower-bicep]

UW: Whats that?

KJ: “And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.” It’s a quote from The Beatles song “The End” off of Abbey Road. I think it’s pretty selfexplanatory. For me, it means that good things come back around and life is very cyclical.

UW: Upcoming shows?

KJ: I’m actually playing again at the House of Blues in LA on October 27th at 8:30pm with a full band. It’s an 18 and over show and the tickets are free. You can email me for more info.

UW: Play in the area?

KJ: I play at a few different restaurants around town. Jaqu’s Restaurant in Huntington Beach coming up on October 25 and Christy’s on Broadway in Long Beach on the 24th.

UW: You’re a Long Beach resident? What’s your favorite place to eat?

KJ: Open Sesame, Le Creperie etc. Put me on second street and I’ll find my way. For the best coffee?

Viento Y Agua on 4th Street hands down. You’ll find me there far too often.

UW: What animal, if any, would you be?

KJ: A bird so I could fly far, far away.

UW: Favorite color?

KJ: Green.

UW: Sign?

KJ: Cancer.

On the eve of her first major album production, Kristi Jo’s acoustic achievements range from headlining and playing The Roxy, Hotel Café, The Viper Room, House of Blues, Molly Malone’s, and the Knitting Factory (just to name a few). At age 24, she carries a degree from USC’s Thorton School of Music and feels like she’s on her way to higher grounds. Manager and friend, Eddie Wenrick, believes she has big places to go—“I’ve been in this business for 40 years and when that girl walked into my office and sang me some songs, I couldn’t believe what I heard. She is the real deal.” Her evocative lyrics and haunting vocals undeniably have a sound quite unique to her alone. And you should watch this girl shred on the guitar.

She checks her watch. Its 8:27. My time is up. We smile, shake hands, and I thank her for her time. But before I let her escape, I decide to slip in one last question: UW: If you could be the author of ANY one song ever made, which one would it be and why?

KJ: “A Case of You” by Joni Mitchell. I admire that

Long Beach native Kristi Jo is more than happy to chat up fans at her upcoming local shows!

entire album Blue so much but that song in particular gets me every time… [she pauses for a moment, eyes searching the ceiling]. It’s her honesty and her ability to tell a story, along with her vulnerability which makes an amazing recipe for that song.

I thank her once more and she grins and turns around, quickly making her way back to the stage. An amber glow descends onto the microphone again, and Kristi Jo takes her seat.

A deep rustle reverberates throughout the room as tables and chairs revert their attention back to her.

We all sit quietly, waiting. I reach into my purse to check the time but before I get the chance to find my cell phone, a voice fills the room: “Thanks for waiting, this next one’s called ‘All Your Time…’” And then, harmony.

It’s an incendiary show; a tour de force of spirit and word—a kick-back to generations when artists like Baez and Dylan were laying down lines of their essence and era.

This is what Kristi Jo captures, mercilessly. It goes to say that in this relentlessly unforgiving industry, it’s difficult to find quality artists that can speak to their listeners with exposed, raw talent.

So if you find yourself walking around Long Beach one night and come across Kristi Jo playing the local coffee shop, bar or restaurant, I urge you to sit down a while and take it in. You’ll probably walk out of there with her CD in your hand or at least her song stuck in your head.

Appreciating talented, honest music like Kristi Jo’s brings hope to music-lovers alike who are searching for connections and expressions through rows and rows of thin, 4.75x5.5” plastic cases. And let me just say, for the record, that Kristi Jo is not just a breath of fresh air… she is soon to be one of the most important musical relationships of our generation, and that of many, many more to come.

UNION WEEKLY

20 OCTOBER 2008

MUSIC

A HIGH PLACES SHOW IN LA IS THE BEST PLACE FOR A WEED PUN

Photo

ANDREW LEE

KATRINA GUEVARA

P

romoting the release of their self-titled LP under Thrill Jockey Records, High Places have been invading a venue near you. From their arrival to their departure, High Places left a big impact at The Smell on the night of October 10. After being dropped off by a van, Mary Pearson and Rob Barber stepped into the hole-in-the-wall venue to hang around and infiltrate the Los Angeles crowd like the down to Mars people they are. The two have a mellow, nature-loving, D.I.Y. aura, which can not be penetrated due to a force field of multi-instrumental talent. It also didn’t hurt that they were dressed in character, which was a rainbow-striped shirt and a tropical parrot shirt. They truly looked up to rank. I even overheard one dude explaining how Mary was “pretty in a Brady Bunch way.” The Smell on the

PETER, BJORN, AND JOHN SEASIDE ROCK Almost Gold RACHEL RUFRANO

If I hear Peter Bjorn and John’s “Young Folks” one more time, I may hurt somebody. When I first heard it I was instantly hooked to the repetitive whistling and maracas. It wasn’t until I had heard the song a hundred times or so—on the radio, in commercials, in elevators—that I realized “catchy” can only take a song so far until it reaches “irritating.” When I received Seaside Rock, the newest album by Peter Bjorn and John, I was UNION WEEKLY

20 OCTOBER 2008

other hand, didn’t stink as much, though it did reek of hipsters from across the SoCal area. Upon attending the show at the Smell last Friday, it was an experience to walk into such a breeding ground for music aficionados. These voyeur fiends definitely live in a universe of their own, judging by their dress code and lifestyle choices. Most of the hipsters were there to culture jam, while the rest waited for musicians David Scott Stone, Snowsuit, Ponytail, and Abe Vigoda to make way for High Places.

While passing the opportunity to watch the opening acts, I did manage to take a glimpse of Ponytail. Their stage presence was pervasive, like a haircut that grows on you. One band later, High Places came along to perform their ethereal hits. When they came on, a sudden change in the atmosphere came about as if the clouds dispersed and hailed a mellow audience to appreciate their tunes. Maybe it’s just my overactive imagination, more so than my overactive bladder that made me mildly jittery. As I tilted my head to adjust to the 3 feet difference from the stage, I noticed how moving their music was. Of course, though from my objective standpoint though, I didn’t move as much.

Although Mary’s vocal mic had effects on it, her voice remained unpretentious and soothing, like a slab of Vick’s Vapor Rub. Their entire set was a relaxing yet radioactive set, until a loud screech introduced “The hesitant. The last album was somewhere between New Order and Belle & Sebastian and received a lot of hype and I wondered how Seaside would measure up.

The first song, “Inland Empire,” has the coolest intro I’ve ever heard, but it doesn’t really lead up to anything.

I guess the whole song was really just an intro. The rest of the album passed without my noticing and it came to my attention that the album was entirely instrumental, utilizing dark reverberating bass lines, mechanical drum beats, and the occasional sound effect (lasers, gunshots, etc.). A few songs, like “Erik’s Fishing Trip,” are just old people carrying on conversations in Swedish. I’m not sure I understood what the point of the conversations were, but maybe that’s because I don’t speak Swedish.

I think the real downfall of the album was PB& J’s attempt to experiment within a realm they don’t fit into.

They should leave the ethereal, background music to groups like Beach House and Sigur Ros. It’s not that Seaside is just boring, it’s a step away

Tree With The Lights In It”. Mary chirped her lullabies, while Rob helped with digitizing sounds and backup pipes. Overall, their show was spiritual and smooth.

Of course they played “The Storm,” “Golden,” “The Tree With The Lights In It,” “From Stardust to Sentience,” and they didn’t leave behind “Head Spins.” At the end, all their live performance was worthy of taking along with me, yet somehow their tunes got mangled up in my head like the difference between Pluto being a planet or a dwarf body. Watching their show helped me to appreciate all the effort taken to produce music from two people who merged from different solo projects. The layers of acoustic and natural recorded sounds have proven that High Places are artists in their own right as they transform sounds from different means into one celestial body. For some reason when I asked people the real reason their fans came to see the duo, most had trouble placing it on a map. This contemplative spaciousness has brought about a mass confusion yet mass consumption among their listeners. It’s only certain that, to quote the last song of the night, “The words you spoke that night, they struck a chord.”

from Muzak, elevator music for hipsters, or a lullaby album for newborns in deep v-necks. I like Peter Bjorn & John. I like the first song. But I don’t like Seaside Rock. Maybe that sounds harsh, but the truth is that this Swedish trio implies their listeners will receive enough Indie cred that they wont ever have to actually listen to the album anyway and that’s a win-win situation for both PB&J and their “fans.”

Fortunately, the group is coming out with another album in a year that follows a more traditional path and I have enough faith in their good pop sense that the next album will be getting some radio play and reach popularity beyond “Young Folks.” It won’t be long until they write a song that makes me want to hurt somebody again, but Seaside just makes me want to fall asleep.

Seaside Rock was released on September 23, so if you’re starving for hipster points or just spend a lot of time in elevators, you can pick up your copy now.

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NEWS

AMERICAN FLAGS AND A BAR ON EVERY FLOOR

We are in a very unique position come November 4th. As an avowed Leftist State, we have voted Democrat since ’88 and have become the Hippy Haven of the new Millenium. And unless you’re in Orange County, you’re seeing it too: the Inundation of Obama Merchandise. It’s unanimously clear that Obama is going to get the Vote from this State. But that’s not what this Article is about. This is about your FULL Democratic Rights. This is about voting Third Party.

With the Election basically sealed in California, the Critical Voter has the distinction of being able to Vote for who they REALLY agree with. By this I mean American Third Parties, from the Communist Party to the American NAZI Party—but don’t Vote for them. There are several very Socially Active and Legitimate Third Parties with more than a handful of Citizens registered to their Name.

I’m going to start with Ralph Nader. He’s running again. This time for the Peace and Freedom Party, which is like Green Party Lite. Nader is springboarding the Ticket he has for the last Eight Years, which is essentially an American version of Socialism. As far as the Economy goes, he is interested in pursuing a Plan that most Level-Headed Politicians support, which is namely Not the Bailout Plan.

Nader has made it his business to “Vet” every Statement made by the two Mainstream Candidates. His stance on critical issues Inflicting this Country makes Obama and McCain look like Chinese Knockoffs. We see nowhere else a commitment to Socialized Medicine, to ending the War, to taxing Corporations Fairly. These are the kind of things that will Save this Country, not some ghost to meet with Ahmadinejad in person. Few other Politicians have cleared the Smoke so effectively to show us the Real Problems facing this Country; Ron Paul is a notable exception.

The Libertarian Party is a more reasonable Choice for most Fiscal Conservatives. Small Government and Personal Freedom sound right?

Although Bob Barr is their current Candidate, Sen. Ron Paul has championed their Cause. They are primarily interested in extending Economic and Personal Freedom, but also Anti-War, and Pro-Legalization. They are one of the largest Third Parties, along with the Greens, and their massive Bankroll just proves that not a few of Us are interested in their Progressive Policies. Watch out though, many Libertarians are sadly Pro-Life.

The last stop is, of course, those Greens. One of the largest International Political Parties, the Greens stand for significantly more than Environmental Stewardship. They are close in Policy to their Popular European Brothers, supporting Human Rights to the loosest definition through emphasis on Grassroots Politics. They are mostly visible in Local Government Elections, School Boards and City Councils, but their Presidential Hopeful this year is Cynthia McKinney.

A vote for any of these Parties may not yield the Presidential Candidate of your Choice, but it will show Popular Support that guarantees these Parties Tenure and Election Funding. Voting Third Party is the only way to effective Steer the two Mainstream Parties to truly Representative, Progressive Policies. Start your own Party, write in a Candidate, as long as you Vote Creatively. Remember, You too can enjoy the Multi-Party Choice every other Democratic Country in the World has.

THE T.H.C. I BREAK FOR THE YOUTH IN ASIA INITIATIVE

BEYOND THE MATS BRINGS A TAKE ON THE INALIENABLE RIGHTS DANCE TO TINY TOONES ENFORCEMENT INITIATIVE KATRINA SAWHNEY

first private donation. Tiny Toones was born.

This year, Beyond the Mats took Tiny Toones under its wing, adopting and championing the cause in the Long Beach Breaking Community where KK got his start. This year’s liaison from Tiny Toones and the B Boy and B Girl community and event organizer, Vimore Moreno of the Dueces Wild Crew, echoed the sentiments of the attendees.

“It’s all about giving to the community. A lot of people, kids especially, are unrecognized.”

L

ast Saturday Long Beach’s breakdancing community came out for Beyond the Mats. In conjunction with CSULB’s own break dancing club, the USU Ballroom hosted some of Long Beach’s most impressive talent, and all for a good cause.

The fundraiser was the first of its kind in Long Beach while the first Beyond the Mats event was in May. With its success, Beyond the Mats raised enough money to fund this second event where the breaking community took the opportunity to contribute to a worthy cause. Tiny Toones, a Cambodian charity founded by one of Long Beach’s own, will receive all of the proceeds from Saturday’s fundraiser.

Tiny Toones was founded by a former Long Beach resident, Sobil Tuy, who was deported to Cambodia.

Upon his return to Cambodia and after a stint in prison, he decided not only to turn his own life around but to put his breaking skills to use. He started up and self-funded a dance class out of his home for at-risk kids from the neighborhood for three hours every evening. Tuy, nicknamed KK, teaches and mentors the children of Phenom Pehn, Cambodia where their alternative after-school activities were limited to drugs, gang activity or prostitution. Without positive role models, many of these kids would have been victim to the same fate as their older brothers and sisters as drug users, gang members and sex workers, were it not for KK. His class size grew to more than 50 neighborhood kids before his cause received its

One of the B Boys making it look easy in the finals of the battles. The Rhythm in Vain crew took home the trophy.

Vimore expressed his own hope that the Tiny Toones students could fly out soon and put on their own show.

Robby Powers, the host for the evening has been breaking for ten years himself and MC’ed the dance offs of the afternoon. The final two crews to battle, Sickstep and Rhythm in Vain’s performance were worth the price of admission alone (you know, if the charitable donation wasn’t enough). Rhythm in Vain ended up taking home the pride, the prize, the trophy and the victory.

This was the first Tiny Toones fundraiser, but if Saturday’s turnout is any indication of the dedication to the vital cause the community has, it will not be the last. They danced, they cheered, they made a difference.

BUT HE ALWAYS SEEMED SO NORMAL DISABILITY AWARENESS DAYS KATRINA SAWHNEY

Disability is a dirty word. Disabled students are better known as “special,” “different” or most demeaningly gushy, “differently-abled.” Combating these kinds of misconceptions, ASI, in conjunction with Disabled Student Services, is hosting the first Disability Awareness Days.

The objective of the two-day schedule of events is to better acquaint students to the struggles and many faces of disabilities. October 20th is Mental Health Awareness Day and begins our own Awareness Days. Colleen Coffey, a “disabled” person herself, is slated to discuss the stigma and reality of dealing with a mental disorder in the USU Ballroom. Coffey created her program not only to bring about awareness but also to help remedy the misconceptions that plague the issue. Following her presentation, a panel will be heading a discussion on mental health awareness in hopes to start the conversations that lead to better understanding.

The events continue through Tuesday the 21st and allow students to see the other side of physical disabilities with “Take a Walk in Our Shoes.” “Our Shoes” is a day where a few of our own ASI Senators will spend one day as a physically disabled student. They’ll be confined to their assigned physical disability, mirroring a Cal State student’s

actual disability, and learn to cope. Though it is just one day, the experience will be discussed at a panel at the Anatol Center from 1-2 PM on Tuesday, and will hopefully inspire more in our Senators than the frustration of having to find the handicap accessible ramps and routes to class. Although, no surprise there—the campus, with its sprawling nature built on a hill, is not always handicap convenient.

The Disability Awareness Days are a drop in the sea of misunderstanding that surrounds disabilities, be it learning, mental, medical or physical. It is indeed a step towards appreciating the difficulties of that kid that sits next to you in psych class that seemed “so normal.”

UNION WEEKLY

20 OCTOBER 2008

CLAY COOOPER

MICHAËL VEREMANS

Illustration

THEY CALL ME TRIPOD

LITERATURE SUCKERPUNCH HAS A GOOD HOOK DAVID HERNANDEZ DOESN’T PULL ANY PUNCHES

CAITLIN CUTT

I

just finished Suckerpunch last week and I was so relieved. It was really good. Generally, enjoying a book can induce lots of sensations for the reader: excitement, inspiration, encouragement, even rebellion. But, while I was deeply moved and impressed by this strikingly realistic, gritty coming of age novel, I was more relieved than anything. Ya see, I had scheduled an interview with David Hernandez, the author, before I had read Suckerpunch, and this interview would have been so weird if the book sucked. So when I met the web designer, poet, novelist, and incidentally CSULB alum, the fact that he was a really great guy was just icing on the cake! He was cool enough to answer some questions about what it takes to be a writer, what he wants to do with his career, and how he ended up doing this writing thing on the first place.

David Hernandez: If you’re a writer, you should read. There’s a lot of beginning writers who don’t read.

It’s a shame. If you love doing it, why not see what other writers are doing?

Union Weekly: Who are your favorite authors?

DH: Well, it always changes. For now, for probably the last four or five years it’s been Cormac McCarthy.

UW: That’s a good one.

DH: I like Zadie Smith a lot. I read a lot of short stories.

UW: So you went to Long Beach State.

DH: Yes. I went to Cal State Long Beach and I graduated in ‘98.

UW: Have you been living in Long Beach since?

DH: I met Lisa, [my wife] shortly after I graduated, and we’ve lived in Long Beach since. My book takes place in Cerritos, I lived there before, too. But like I said, I live in Long Beach now. I like it here.

UW: I’m from Orange County, but I like it here more.

DH: I’m there a lot now. I’m at [UCI] getting my MFA. UW: Great!

DH: Yeah, I graduated, I got my BA—I was so done with school. I had been an Art major, I was almost done, but then I got burnt out, and I switched my major to creative writing. I had to basically start all over again. So, after I graduated I just did web design stuff and wrote. But teaching, what I want to do now, came out of getting invited to do talks (about his published works) in classes. I loved talking to students. So that’s one of the reasons I’m getting my MFA. I want to teach at the college level. I’m in the poetry program.

UW: You’ve written other poetry books.

DH: Yeah, I have two poetry books published. The “Young Adult Book” thing—I never thought I would write a novel. I was struggling with it, putting it away, and going back and forth. Then I gave Lisa 50 or 60 pages, and she said, “This is really good. It’s a young adult novel.” In my mind, I was worried that young UNION WEEKLY 20 OCTOBER 2008

adult it was somehow lesser. And then stupid me, I put it away.

UW: The thing is, the content is very adult, but it’s interesting because I think it acknowledges that kids go through some really intense things.

DH: Yeah, I put it away—for a few years. Then Lisa was up for an award for the LA Times for her novel.

So we went there, it was this big ceremony, with all these categories: poetry, nonfiction, historical, whatever. Then they announced this section for young adults. One of them sounded really good, and dark, and amazing. I checked it out. I don’t read young adult.

This was my first, beyond Catcher in the Rye. It was Adam Rapps’s Under the World, Under of the Dog. I read it and I was like, “This is really dark and poetic.”

And then I went back to this. It was really hard still, though. I write poetry, ya know?

UW: That’s a hell of a transition.

DH: Yeah. You have to work on it every day, well I

David Hernandez’s knockout young adult’s novel Suckerpunch retails for $16.99.

do, or I start losing interest. You don’t want your characters to become strangers.

UW: It’s nice to hear someone acknowledge that it’s hard. You see writers in the movies— DH: Movies can be the worst about that! You see someone sit at a typewriter and it just flows out of their fingers. The one movie that accurately portrayed writing, and what it’s like to be a writer was Adaptation.

That’s in my top ten.

UW: Me too!

DH: Ha! Yeah, so that transition from poetry to fiction was not an easy transition, and I complained a lot. It’s really work. Of course there’s a lot of joy in it.

Otherwise, why would you do it? So I wanted to finish [Suckerpunch] and then just go back to poetry. And then, something I didn’t expect to happen, my agent got me a two-book deal. I was excited, but at the same time, I was like “I have to do another one!” But I don’t know what happened because the new one only took four months to write. Everything I learned from writ-

ing the first one really helped me out with writing the second one.

UW: What’s that one called?

DH: No More Us for You. UW: When does that one come out?

DH: January.

UW: Wow! You’ve been workin’!

DH: Yeah. The other thing about writing fiction is when you work on it day after day, week after week, you’re not fully engaged. You’re preoccupied with your story, or your plot line. I didn’t like that—that I was distant when I was writing it…so now I plant tomatoes.

UW: What made you write Suckerpunch?

DH: Some things I saw in high school. That time period. I had a bunch of chapters that didn’t go or connect to the novel. I wanted to do something else beside poetry. And I didn’t want to write short stories because then I’d write a short story, try to get it published, then there’s the difficulty of trying to get a collection published—which is much harder than a novel, and I kind of felt like I was doing the same thing already with poetry. I wanted to try something bigger.

UW: I think you really did a god job dealing with your subject matters (child abuse, domestic violence, sex).

DH: My parents are absolutely loving, that was part of the challenge of writing this. A lot of novels, their first novels are autobiographical, and there are certainly autobiographical moments in this book, but the majority of it is fiction. I don’t want people to get the impression that my father is this evil man.

I’ve always been kind of fascinated with that kind of behavior because it’s so foreign to me. My father is an angel.

UW: Has anyone ever interpreted something of yours in a way that was totally off?

DH: You know, a while ago there was a person that put, it was either my father or my mother, in an unfavorable light. And that was unfortunate. It was some review…It’s yours when you write, but once it’s published, it’s out of your hands. It’s not yours anymore.

UW: Here’s a complicated, potentially annoying question. Why do you write?

DH: I asked myself this, over the summer. It’s the joy of the writing itself. The reason I keep going back to writing is I find some joy in it. I write about something that I am trying to get to the heart of, or understand—either something about the world or myself. It’s that seeking, that trying to find answers. It’s the love of the language.

Don’t let the fact that Suckerpunch is a young adult’s novel stop you from picking it up. I say that because it would have stopped me. But Hernandez’s book about a boy growing up with a severed index finger, an abusive father, and a volatile younger brother is vivid, blunt, and even heartbreaking in some places without being overly sentimental. The title, Suckerpunch, seems to be no accident considering the forceful, and sudden switches in time and space—this is hard to do without being annoying or confusing, and Hernandez’s book is far from either of those things. I’m glad I scheduled this interview for two reasons: I read a really cool book, and I got to actually meet someone who wrote a book I liked. So, pick up Suckerpunch. Also, you can meet David Hernandez on Oct. 23rd, in Ballroom A at 7 pm. He’ll be reading and discussing his book. He’s a really great guy and I know the evening will be fun.

Clay Cooper check out: http://bootlegazn.deviantart.com

17

20 OCTOBER 2008

UNION WEEKLY

COMICS Koo Koo and Luke by Jesse Blake

www.funatronics.com/kookoo

EASY

Humanation by Travis Ott-Conn

HARD Jellyfish Comics by Steven Carey

You’re STUCK Here by Victor! Perfecto

yourestuckhere@gmail.com

What’cha thinkin’?

Send feedback to: victorpc.union@gmail.com Or leave comments at the Union office Student Union Office 239

ANSWERS

HARD

EASY

Bible Verses Godzilla by Lloyd Kramer

UNION WEEKLY

20 OCTOBER 2008

CULTURE bai-plu thai and sushi bar

KATHY MIRANDA

or opening just last Wednesday, you wouldn’t expect a restaurant to be completely packed on a Saturday evening. Bai-Plu Thai and Sushi Bar is a deserving exception. I walked into the modestly decorated restaurant to find the dinner rush just settling in. The atmosphere was energetic with servers and hosts attending to their guests in full force.

I sat down with the owner of the restaurant, Tara Thairatanakul, who had just finished a round of welcoming customers. Tara owns Bai-Plu along with her brother at two locations, one on 7th street and a new location on Bellflower. She opened the restaurant 7 years ago and has gained a handful of loyal customers since then—I know this because most of the guests greeted her warmly as they walked in. As the restaurant name suggests, Bai-Plu serves both Thai cuisine and sushi, which is a convenient compromise for those who have a big appetite and those who just desire a light meal.

The prices for the Thai meals are reasonable, averaging about $10 per plate. The sushi rolls are priced a little higher, $12 for eight pieces, but trust me, you are getting a lot more bang for your buck. The sushi rolls are plump, with plenty of rice and fish to satisfy any sushi lover (see mouthwatering photo above).

If you’re ever looking for a cheap, authentic Thai and/or sushi meal, look to Bai-Plu as your go-to for a fast and friendly restaurant experience. Or, if you’re feeling a little lazy, just call in your order and have it delivered to you...for free!

Visit Bai-Plu Thai and Sushi Bar’s new location at: 2119 N. Bellflower Boulevard, Long Beach Happy Hour: Monday-Thursday 3-6 pm

The Union Weekly learns how to use chopsticks,

the right way

One day, you’ll find yourself sitting at an asian restaurant fooling around with two pieces of wood, wondering to yourself, “God, how do I use these things?” Don’t worry, we all go through it. Here are three easy steps toward mastering the chopstick.

Watch and learn.

step one:

Stop trying to make fire. Take the sticks out of your nose. Stop sword-fighting with your friend, too. You’re going to have to eat with these things, you know. Place one chopstick between your thumb and middle finger. (See self-explanatory image to the right.)

step two:

Alright, now hold still. Okay, good. Take the other chopstick and place it between your thumb and index finger. Now, cross your arms and pat your head. And then, rub your tummy. Oh, no! You dropped them. Move back one space.

step three:

Don’t be discouraged. This is the hard part.

Keep the first chopstick (see step one) still, and use your index finger to move the second one.

Is it working? Try again. Okay, now grab some food. You can do it, I believe in you. Remember, keep the bottom chopstick still. That’s it!

Still stuck? It’s alright, go ahead and ask for a fork.

At least you tried, right? We’re proud of ya.

UNION WEEKLY

20 OCTOBER 2008

PHOTOS

F

katHY MIRANDA

comfort food at your fingertips

Disclaimer:

This page is satire. We are not ASI, nor do we represent the CSULB campus. Where is my orange? Send rags to bear.grun@gmail.com

“No guys, they’re right. I think food inspires acne.”

Volume 63 Issue 8

Monday, October 20th, 2008

Family Coping with Son’s Addiction to TV on DVD

LBUNION.COM

Overwhelmed Bank Robber Needs Everyone to “Just Shut Up for Two Fucking Seconds!”

Raffi Tiffomp (above) reenacting his pose from Saturday night.

Vinne Radley (above, losing cool) “didn’t want it to come to [the predicament depicted in this picture].”

BY SEXUAL RANDY

Jeffrey Galvaston (above) lets cameras film his disease while torn between watching 30 Rock and Californication.

BY SEXUAL RANDY Local paradigm family the Galvastons were living what they assumed was the American dream until they discovered their youngest son, Jeffrey, 17, had become addicted to DVDs of television programs.

“When he first started watching [the DVDs], I didn’t think there was any harm in it,” says Jeffrey’s mother, Tina Galvaston, 44. “He started off light on stuff like The Office, but the whole thing’s gotten totally out of hand.”

“I moved on from The Office and 30 Rock pretty quickly,” says Jeffrey. “That crap’s just gateway, man. Now I’m into the hard shit. HBO and Showtime, baby! That’s where the juice is at.”

Jeffrey says that his good friend, Paul Tosser, 18, is responsible for his addiction.

“Dude, Paul hooked me up with The Sopranos and life’s been one crazy ride from my futon ever since.”

But Jeffrey admits he’s had his ups and downs. “At first it was the best. It was like, I was floating through the first two seasons of Dexter on a cloud, and then I started getting desperate,” says Jeffrey, tears welling. “I finished all the good shit, man. I just finished my fifth season of 24 in a row. I even tried watching it in real time. Fucking nothing. NOTHING!” he said, spilling his Mountain Dew Code Red on his lap.

The Galvastons are seeking help for Jeffrey. “A film crew from the A&E show Intervention is coming by tomorrow,” says Tina.

“Hopefully we can get through to him.”

When told of his forthcoming TV appearance, Jeffrey perked up. “That’s fucking great! I can’t wait to try some Intervention.”

LOS ANGELES, CA – It was pure chaos last Saturday night when local bank robber Vinnie Radley, 31, lost his cool once police officers arrived at the scene his crew’s holdup of the area Wells Fargo.

“Seriously!” Radley shouted, firing two shots in the air. “I need all of you assholes to just shut up for two fucking seconds! Oh god. Jesus Christ, Vinnie, think!” Radley proceeded to double over and hyper ventilate.

“Fuck this shit man,” said Robert Boston, 29, after unmasking. Boston reportedly then fired an as of print time unknown automatic rifle into a crowd of hostages, two of whom were killed instantly. The other five were injured and remain in critical condition at the local hospital.

Radley and the crew were astonished by Boston’s rash decision, and immediately berated him. Hostage

Ben Moses described the scene as “a fucking mess.” Moses, 63, was privy to the incident and spoke candidly at the LAPD’s press release.

“None of them could believe that [Boston] unloaded on [the hostages],” says Moses. “It was crazy! They all started yelling and arguing about who had invited him or something, and somebody punched somebody. I think.”

The crew’s job went south after the shooting began. SWAT entered the building through the skylight and ventilation shafts and began to exchange gunfire with the crew.

Ironically, Boston was the only member of the crew to escape custody or death and no trial date has been set. Radley leaves behind an atypically disenfranchised girlfriend and eight-year-old son.

Universal has picked up the rights to the story, and Robert DeNiro’s agent has been contacted.

INSIDE

Area Condom Feels So Used Local condom Jimmy Hatter complained yesterday saying that “[he] feel[s] that [he] was only opened so that [Ben Rodgemen] could stick his penis inside of [Amy Hitchens] without having to worry about getting an STD or a child.” It was later disposed of and placed deep in the trashcan where PAGE L8X his roomate wouldn’t find it

Girl Doesn’t Need Your Sweater.

No, Really.

Even though she looks ridiculously cold, that girl you’re standing next to is really sure that she doesn’t want your sweater. Even though you’ve insisted several times that you’re just a nice guy and that you’re not trying to hit on her, she knows better.

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Local DJ Makes Sick Mashup of Cake Dog’s Death Taken in Stride and Garbage PAGE 13X

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