BIL & TED’s ExcellentInnovators Conventions! and Forward Thinkers Alike Come to Long Beach to Bring You a Brighter Future
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OPINIONS
AN OPEN LETTER TO THE REPUBLICAN PARTY JAMES KISLINGBURY Dear Republican Party,
Illustration JAMES KISLINGBURY
What happened to you, Republican Party? You used to be cool, man—well, you were never cool, but at least you had something going for you. Smaller government and lower taxes, how can you screw up that formula? Not too long ago, you had the world in your hand—the Supreme Court, both Houses, and the Presidency—now look at you. You’re the sick man of DC, and it’s high time you got your shit together. I’m not here to rag on you, though. I was raised with my dad yelling at Clinton for most of my childhood—plus if he ever found out that I was trashing the party, I’d be out of a free meal ticket. The biggest reason that I’m not stooping to kick a man while he’s down is that America needs you guys. A healthy democracy requires a healthy competition. Without a serious competition we end up with Communist China or Soviet Russia or, more innocuously, six of the past eight years. America requires the other party, even if we don’t like them. Especially if we don’t like them, actually. Your current incarnation is an intellectual and a spiritual dead zone. On the one hand we’ve got professional scum like Ann Coulter, who wear their arrogance on their sleeve, like it’s a chevron for an elite force of loud-mouthed jerk-offs. Not to say that cockiness can’t be charming in small doses—Bill Maher made an entire career out of this—but when he isn’t right at least he’s funny. The only service the current generation of conservative pundits UNION WEEKLY
2 FEBRUARY 2009
supply is infuriation. They’re infuriating because they’re speaking about something that matters: our democracy, and they turn it into this hideous bitchfest that sucks all forms of thought and rationality into the abyss. Then there’s the granddaddy of whining Republican pundits: Rush Limbaugh, the creaking gastropod that he is. A man so edgy that he turned on McCain because of the fact that he hated Mexicans less than the other candidates. Campaigning against the best candidate the party has had in 20 years isn’t punk rock, it makes you a fat, petty asshole. Where’s William F. Buckley when you need him? Oh, yeah. Spinning, no doubt. The actual political wing of the party isn’t much healthier than the ideological one. Just look at the crop of runner-ups in your camp last year. There was Giuliani, a man so inept that he managed to fumble being a hero on 9/11—a move only slightly less dumb than John Kerry being called a pussy for killing VC by a trust-fund baby. Then we have Mitt Romney (a known replicant) who believes in a religion that up until 1978 thought that the color of black people’s skin was a curse from God (a known space alien)— not that his religion is any of our business. Then we’ve got Mike Huckabee, who despite being something of a Bible-thumping nightmare, actually managed to be likeable, if only because he never had a serious shot at turning the country into the theocracy he wants it to be (“All hail Presi-pope Huckabee III,” we’d all chant). This leaves us with Sarah Palin. Which one of you thought that was a good idea? Obama beat you jerks for a lot of reasons:
exploiting the Internet, being able to mobilize an entire generation of voters (and rake in their cash), and by sending out a message other than “Terrorists/ Mexicans/Obama is going to kill you/steal your job/ take your guns.” You lost because they were used to not having anyone to run against. You got complacent and sedentary and now here we are. Honestly, when was the last time conservatism gave America anything to look up to? We need you to do this, not just for your own sake, but for our democracy’s sake. We need you out there making sure that Obama is doing the best job possible, because if we get a president that thinks his job is safe, we end up with Bush. Four years, Republican Party, that’s all you need to turn yourself around. That’s how long it took for the Democrats to go from championing Yuppy Frankenstein and Droopy Dog to being spearheaded by a shiny, new racially progressive messiah. That’s how long you have to purge the sycophants and hypocrites from your company and to actually forge something that is worth believing in. You brought this mess upon yourself and you’ve got every opportunity in the world to think your way out of it. Four years, plenty of time. Yours Truly, James Kislingbury, ESQ. PS: Again, Sarah Palin, seriously? I mean, I love my mom too, but I’m not going to vote her into office.
OPINIONS
PROUD TO BE A CSU STUDENT
WHERE AT LEAST I KNOW I’M CHEAP
I’m gonna tell you a secret. It’s a carefully guarded wisdom passed down from generations of hipsters past to each new generation of encyclopedic audiophiles, and it is this: we never stop looking for new music. Never. Sure, we all have our favorites, and we know that each new kid on the billboard block will almost assuredly fade just as quickly as the upstart before them, but that’s not the point. Well, not entirely. It’s about lending an ear to the new sounds; because everyone needs an audience—nay, everyone deserves an audience. Any Tom, Dick, or Harry can whip out Playlist.com and impress a party crowd with some Tom Waits, Dick Dale, or Harry Roy; but the true music apprecianado wades into the guppie-infested waters of the new. And for them that do, there is the Hype Machine. I’m not the first to find this fountain of musical youth, but I will certainly pass the duchy (on the left-hand side) to those still unaware of its awesomeness. If you’re familiar with elbo.ws or last.fm, you’re already familiar with the concept. Hype Machine (www.hypem. com) assembles all of the posts by all the big mp3 blogs and arranges them by the artist and song title of the mp3 file they’ve posted. It also has a “Popular” section, which tracks the most-played songs posted in the last 3 days. Now, a lot of the time this section is clogged with remixes and the new hot single from some overhyped act (e.g. anything with Kanye West), so I prefer to pore through the raw list page by page, hunting for something new and strange (preferably with a beat that you can dance to). I mean, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t thoroughly enjoy the electro-centric remix scene that has blossomed recently, but that’s just another reason to love Hype Machine, and another reason to be convinced it’s the best mp3 resource on the web currently (that I’d be willing to give out to just any John or Jane Q. Reader). When you use playlist.com, you’re not out looking for something new; you remain firmly within your musical comfort zone, convinced that whatever you’re hearing is exactly what you ought to listen to. And following that logic, you shouldn’t even be on the internet. You ought to be huddled around the phonograph spinning that tired old piece of plastic called “Meet The Beatles” to drown out the mellifluous sounds of the modern era (yeah, that’s right, I said tired). But for those of my ilk, those for whom the search for new music is just as satisfying (if not moreso) than its discovery, we shall be ever-vigilant, eyes to the digital horizon, waiting for the sound that’s going to change the world (or at least change the CD in our car stereo).
H
onestly, I never wanted to go to CSULB. I decided to attend for financial reasons only. My choices were loans or Long Beach. I chose the latter. The fact is that at my high school CSULB was regarded as a backup school. Counselors stressed the benefits of the private schools and worshipped the UC system. The CSU was only for those who could not afford private schools or measure up to UC standards. This opinion was not limited to the counseling staff. It was systemic throughout the school, held by teacher and student alike. When I would tell teachers that CSULB lay in my future their reaction was wholly negative, tinged with concern for my future education. Common arguments against CSULB were one, it is impacted; two, it is a commuter school; and three, it is only a CSU. My friends pleaded with me to apply to at least one UC, stressing that my talents would be squandered at a CSU. I would like to say that I was impervious to the influence of my instructors and peers, but I was wholly convinced of the shortcomings of the CSU. My first semester was cast in the shade of this negative opinion. I walked from class to class crestfallen. However, as time passed I met inspired professors and diligent students and I slowly realized the truth of the situation. CSULB was not the overburdened ghetto I was told to expect. In fact, it was a bastion of learning. An institution that rewarded hard work with real knowledge. Months passed, and I happily entered my fourth semester and had not given much thought to the lies that were presented to me in high school until recently. A family friend expressed distress at the fact that her coworkers regarded her degree from CSULB as less than their degrees from UCI and Berkeley. I heard this and old wounds were exposed. Why should CSULB be considered anything less than any other college? Because
you do not need a flashy GPA or trust fund to attend? As far as I am concerned, CSULB is just as good as Berkeley, UCLA, and USC. Financially our school cannot be beat. We pay a pittance compared to the UC schools and we pay nothing compared to private schools. Why drop tens of thousands of dollars on an education I can get for a little more than a thousand at CSULB? This translates to the real world—I happen to be an English Education major, and as a teacher, no matter which college I hail from, the state is going to pay me the same 40K my UC coworker will get. The fact that the school is less expensive than most means that the racial diversity is much greater than in private and UC schools. This diversity our school has cultivated is an asset to the individual education of each student at CSULB. Each person from a differing economic situation, racial background, or ethnic makeup brings another experience to our education. This diversity allows CSULB to produce well-rounded and insightful students that have not been steeped in the usual college mix of Anglo and Asian. With this diversity comes size. We are a big school and some hold that against us, sighting impacted programs. The size of CSULB allows it to provide courses that smaller schools could not accommodate and better provide for its students. As for the matter of impaction, I believe that it works to produce a stronger student. CSULB students do have to fight for some classes, but I would rather have a graduate that has had to put forth some effort to achieve a degree than one that was coddled for four years. What I am trying to communicate through my frustration is that CSULB is an institution worth standing up for and we CSULB students should be proud. We should not let elitists freely mock our school, armed with contentions of higher standards and private school credentials. Let’s stand up and stand tall for The Beach.
UNION WEEKLY
2 FEBRUARY 2009
Illustration
MATT DUPREE
CHRIS FABELA
KEVIN O’BRIEN
ISSUE 64.02 “Hate is too great a burden to bear. It injures the hater more than it injures the hated.” —Coretta Scott King MAIL TO THE CHIEF LETTERS TO THE EDITOR MIKE “BEEF” PALLOTTA
T
he first week of the semester came and went, and school is most definitely back to its old shenanigans again. Just when you thought there couldn’t be any more drama in the LBC (a term I, a long time resident, loathe) something’s gotta ironically go down on the Friendship Walk (a term I, an adult, loathe). I shouldn’t joke, because this week’s letter deals with a very serious matter, but for those of us who are blocked day-in and day-out by groups arguing that we most certainly have no association with, it gets tiresome. But it certainly makes us all realize that, yes, we are in college and that this isn’t just another commuter campus. Onto the mail: To the faculty and administration of CSULB, 1/28/09 Hello, I am a current senior here at CSULB. My years here have been great in terms of the quality of people with whom I have interacted and the education I have received. However, today I can honestly say that I have been harassed, bullied, targeted, and made to feel uncomfortable at school, because of who I am. On this day, January 28, 2009, there was a “die-in” held on the friendship walk, sponsored by the Muslim Student Association. It was held in support of HAMAS and the freedom of Palestine. There were roughly 50 students and unregistered visitors present on that side, chanting hate speech and yielding signs with false propaganda and lies. There were less than 20 students on the Pro-Israel side (all of whom were automatically labeled “Jewish,” regardless of who was actually there). I watched in horror as the MSA and its supporters encircled us, chanted, and got in our faces. Myself and the others around me were called horrendous names, such as “m-fer’s,” “effing Zionists,” “racists,” “dirty Jews,” and “Nazi oppressors” among others. As that group was screaming religious and racial epithets at us, I was experiencing Anti-Semitism and hatred in its purest form.
Myself and other students and respected staff members were persecuted today because we are Jewish and for no other reason. I was truly scared for my safety at school. A university should be a place of open minds and the freedom to be whomever one was born as or chooses to be, not a hostile war zone. I am appalled that the administration of such an established institution as California State University Long Beach stand back and allow its students to be threatened and mistreated in such a way. As a descendent of both Holocaust survivors and victims, I refuse to stand quietly by while I am threatened and persecuted in my learning environment. There was true hate displayed on campus today, and I hope and pray that the administration will do something to protect its students from Anti-Semitism, harassment, and all forms of victimization in the future. Thank you for your time. [Anonymous] Dear Anonymous, I’m sorry this had to happen to you. No one deserves to be victimized. I think we all know why the school officials didn’t do anything, and that’s to keep their hands clean of a dirty mess. But what I feel really needs to be done (and take in to account that I’m talking about what needs to be done on campus, not in the Middle East), is for you to not have to rely on them, but to take action and do what isn’t being done in the Middle East. Taking action doesn’t have to mean starting a race war, or walking up to a group of angry protestors. Instead let them calm down, say their peace and do their die-ins and then have a peaceful sit-down and talk it out, which I know is easier said than done. The alternative is that we’re going to have a microcosm of the problem in the Middle East right here on campus. You have a conflict entrenched in a millenia of history that’s sparking emotions on campus that’s now involving students that literally have no idea what is going on. So please, MSA and Beach Hillel, let’s not let the hate and anger that’s plaguing schools like UCI and Berkeley reach our campus. As a community, Long Beach students are better than this. We don’t have to let it escalate or get volatile with each other. You can find a neutral place to sit down and talk it out, so we can keep this from getting out of hand. Ask Away! Need advice from a man named Beef? Any questions/comments? Well send all questions to editorinbeef@gmail.com!
ALTERNATE SHOTS OF IKEY OWENS
FOR MUSIC ON PG. 7 BY ANDREW LEE
MIKE PALLOTTA Editor-in-Chief KATHY MIRANDA Managing Editor JOE BRYANT Managing Editor
editorinbeef@gmail.com kathym.union@gmail.com joeb.union@gmail.com
MATT DUPREE matt.dupree@gmail.com Senior Editor JAMES KISLINGBURY jamesk.union@gmail.com News Director RACHEL RUFRANO rachel.union@gmail.com Opinions Editor CAITLIN CUTT caitlincutt.union@gmail.com Literature Editor & PR JOE BRYANT joeb.union@gmail.com Entertainment Editor SEAN BOULGER seanb.union@gmail.com Music Editor & PR KATHY MIRANDA kathym.union@gmail.com Culture Editor VICTOR CAMBA victorpc.union@gmail.com Comics Editor KATIE REINMAN reinman.union@gmail.com Creative Arts Editor MICHAEL VEREMANS scarf.union@gmail.com Creative Writing Editor SOPHISTICATED BEAR bear.grun@gmail.com Grunion Editor CLAY COOPER, STEVEN CAREY Graphic Designers CHRIS LEE photos4union@gmail.com Photo Editor JOE BRYANT On-Campus Distribution CLAY COOPER clay.union@gmail.com Internet Caregiver ALLAN STEINER allan.union@gmail.com Advertising Executive KATRINA SAWHNEY, ERIN HICKEY, ANDREW WILSON, ALAN PASSMAN, JASON OPPLIGER, CHRISTINE HODINH, JESSE BLAKE, DOMINIC MCDONALD, HILLARY CANTU, RUSSELL CONROY, KEN CHO, SERGIO ASCENCIO, ANDREW LEE, TYLER DINLEY, ANDY KNEIS, MICHAEL MERMELSTEIN, SIMONE HARRISON, JOE HAUSER, JANTZEN PEAKE, JOHN YANG, KEVIN O’BRIEN, TRAVIS OTT-CONN Contributors Disclaimer and Publication Information The Union Weekly is published using ad money and partial funding provided by the Associated Students, Inc. All Editorials are the opinions of the writer, and are not necessarily the opinions of the Union Weekly, the ASI, or of CSULB. All students are welcome and encouraged to be a part of the Union Weekly staff.
Cover Photo
All letters to the editor will be considered for publication. However, CSULB students will have precedence. All outside submissions are due by Thursday, 5 PM to be considered for publishing the following week and become property of the Union Weekly. Please include name, major, class standing, and phone number for all submissions. They are subject to editing and will not be returned. Letters will be edited for grammar, spelling, punctuation, and length. The Union Weekly will publish anonymous letters, articles, editorials and illustrations, but they must have your name and information attached for our records. Letters to the editor should be no longer than 500 words.
ANDREW LEE
The Union Weekly assumes no responsibility, nor is it liable, for claims of its advertisers. Grievance procedures are available in the Associated Students business office. Questions? Comments? MAIL : 1212 Bellflower Blvd. Suite 239, Long Beach, CA 90815 PHONE : 562.985.4867 FAX : 562.985.5684 E-MAIL : info@lbunion.com WEB : www.lbunion.com
UNION WEEKLY
2 FEBRUARY 2009
NEWS SHOVELING THE T.H.C. FOR THE FUTURE INITIATIVE LOT 3 TO BE REINCARNATED
A TAKE ON THE INALIENABLE RIGHTS JAMES KISLINGBURY ENFORCEMENT INITIATIVE
AS THE RECREATION CENTER
I
t’s taken us 60 years and a lot of struggle, but CSULB will finally have a rock wall. Last Friday President F. King (among a half a dozen others, including ASI president Erin Swetland) broke ground on the site of what will be our glorious, new Recreation Center. Besides the rock wall, badminton court, and whatever the hell a “cardio theater” is, the Student Recreation and Wellness Center (SRWC) will also include a twenty-five person hot tub (a hot tub can never be too big). It’ll also provide somewhere in the neighborhood of 200 to 300 jobs for students, which, as F. King puts it, is “our little stimulus package for Long Beach.” The future SRWC will be the first recreation center in the CSU system to be “LEED Silver Certified.” LEED stands for “Leadership in Energy and Environmental Design” and is a distinction given to structures that meet a set of standards regarding environmental friendliness. These include: Recycling the asphalt from the former Lot 11 into the building’s foundation, the use of waterless urinals, recycled lumber, adjustable lights (wow!) and reclaimed water (for, hopefully
something other than the pool). The building should also use biometric technology “to reduce paper waste”— which, as I understand it, is a fancy way to say, “Yes, we will have hand dryers.” Despite the excitement surrounding the SRWC’s construction, it isn’t without its detractors. The SRWC could only be built by raising the tuition, something that was believed to potentially price students out of this campus. In the Spring of 2007, the neighboring nabobs of negativism (like the Daily 49er) failed to defeat the bond From left to right: Dave Edwards, F. King, Prospector Pete, Erin Swetland, Karen in favor of the SWRC and its Gould, Doug Robinson and Richard Haller. fee-increase. It passed with 75% of the vote (admittedly, that was only amongst the 2,000 Student Union would have never been constructed, to 3,000 students that actually bothered to vote). and this reporter thinks that it’s safe to say that we’re At the ground breaking, each of the speakers high- all a little better off with a Robek’s on campus. lighted the benefits of just such a facility. The Beach Barring a national disaster or a nuclear war, the has since its start 60 years ago been considered a “com- SRWC should be completed in 18 months (give or muter campus,” which seems to be a crutch for those take a few weeks). Unlike the fishing pond that is the who don’t want expensive, new facilities (such as the former PH3 building, the ASI actually means it when SWRC) to be built. The proponents of the new struc- they say “18 months,” since it is fully-funded by fees ture believe that it will serve as a locus for students and paid by the student body. While the hesitancy to build faculty alike seven days a week. Whether or not that such a building is obvious, and fairly legitimate, at this is entirely true remains to be seen, though. But if the point it’s an inevitability, so, we might as well use the critics of the SRWC were prevalent in the 1960s, the thing when it opens its doors in 2010.
UNION WEEKLY
2 FEBRUARY 2009
NEWS
THE GHOST OF DEBS
BIG TROUBLE
````````````` ````````````` ````````````` MICHAEL VEREMANS ````` `````````````````` According to the FDA, one part Melamine ```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````` per million is an Acceptable amount of this ````````````````````````` Toxic Industrial Chemical for your Food. Now
IN LITTLE GAZA
DEATH PENALTY TO THE CHEATING CEOs
THE STRIP HITS THE BEACH JOE HAUSER
I
Photo AIDEN ABETTING
t was a beautiful Wednesday afternoon in Long Beach. School had just started and most students were on campus still getting used to their new class schedule. This was the day that the Muslim Student Association (MSA) held their “Die In” protest against Israel’s recent attacks on Palestine. For 22 days in December and January the Israeli government enacted a series of raids and attacks inside the Gaza Strip. These attacks were aimed at uprooting the terrorists responsible for launching rockets from inside of Gaza into the southern region of Israel. The terrorists were believed to be a part of the group Hamas, which is currently in power in the Gaza Strip, which is a part of the Palestinian States. The European Union and the United States claim that Hamas is, in fact, a terrorist organization. The fighting between Hamas and Israel has been going on since Hamas’ inception in 1987. Hamas was founded to restore liberty and autonomy to Palestine and rid it of Israeli occupation. Last November, Hamas ordered the bombing of southern Israel (retribution for border blockades put in place by Israel), obstructing the transportation of food, goods and medicine. A month later, Hamas formally ended the cease-fire in effect saying Israel had not upheld its part of the arrangement. Israel responded with an air strike of its own, which killed more than 200 Palestinians. Following the air strike, Israel continuing with a land assault, bringing soldiers into the West Bank. This attack was to control and eventually dismantle a series of underground tunnels that Hamas had used to smuggle in weapons and other supplies. The ensuing military operations lasted for 22 days and resulted in 1,200 Palestinian casualties and 13 Israeli casualties, not to mention an exacerbation of an already dire economic crisis in the Gaza Strip. The engagement and the ensuing results are what the MSA wanted to bring to the attention of CSULB students
with the Die In. With the help of a Los Angeles based organization, “Answer Coalition,” the MSA’s primary goal was to inform the student body of the human dimension of these attacks and hopefully gain some sympathy for Palestine. The demonstration included posters on a clothesline showing quotes from various professors and Martin Luther King, Jr., as well as photographs of phosphorous falling from the sky on New Year’s Eve and a list of identified children who were killed in the most recent attacks. Most students were interested and some required a history lesson between the warring nations. The MSA also defended the actions taken by Hamas stating that Israel (and the United States) is the terror state and that the arms smuggling occurred as a response to the Israeli blockades, “When they’re left with no option, what are they supposed to do?” one student, who wished to remain anonymous, said. Ultimately, the MSA wants to bring about a resolution, with potential help from ASI and the Women’s Studies Department, for the university to boycott any business relations to Israel. Trouble broke out, however, when the Beach Hillel arrived and started handing out fliers of its own. They were confronted with yelling, derogatory remarks, and middle fingers coming from the MSA and others. When asked about potential violence, one Hillel member stated that she “had no doubt it could have escalated to that level.” This bout between the two groups lasted approximately two hours while police maintained a presence for about 20 minutes. The only interference from an outside party was from a member of ASI telling both parties to stay off the walkway so students could walk through on their way to class. The two organizations have been picketing and rioting at each other’s events for the past few years and there are no current plans for their own ceasefire.
STATE OF THE BEACH JOHN YANG The CSULB Fee Advisory Committee announced they plan to raise tuition by $93 bucks for athletics. February is Black History month— the most popular of the cultural history months. On Thursday at the USU Beach Auditorium, the MLK Birthday Celebration will take place from 12:00 to 1:00pm. The first of those $2 movies on campus starts this Wednesday and Thursday. You can find the theater next to KBEACH and those anime nerds on the first floor of the Student Union. Twilight will be screened later this month, because all the people who want to see it haven’t seen it (twice) already. If you were at the Nugget for the pep rally last Thursday, you know that it was the first time the Nugget felt like a real pub, complete with stationary bike races, balloons and, playful jeers including “Fooler-ton” and “Fucker-ton.” Notice that touch screen order menu at the Nugget right when you walk in? I believe it was working for an entire day before breaking down for the week. Week of Welcome starts this week meaning only UNION WEEKLY
2 FEBRUARY 2009
three things—excessive use of poorly handwritten banners, human traffic jams, and free food. Like everything else online that is CSULB related, the ASI calendar is still not completely updated and not worth checking out (yet). Noticed that new fountain in the USU courtyard? It was built before the Spring semester, during a time of water rationing and a budget crisis—good to know even in tough times, ASI still has a sense of humor. I can’t get enough of the comments on the Daily 49er website, for example, “Let’s have a human bonfire to burn top members of ASI Govt... BYOB and some gas... I’ll bring the matches.” And when you’re done reading “colorful” comments, check the textbook section where you can search for textbook prices online which is nice. Too bad everything is still way too expensive. If you work on campus, did you know that you can earn one Beach Buck a day for every day you use public transportation? For those of you not on the East campus, the Outpost has been replaced by an exciting taco truck. Yippee.
there are Hundreds in the hospital because of the Melamine content of US Baby Formula. That’s right, the Milk Producer in America responsible for the Poisoning of Our Youth has openly Attacked the Consumer, us, the People. It’s one thing to create a Product that isn’t up to Standard, but making up for that by introducing a egregious Chemical is bombastic. Melamine is an Insecticide—one part per million? I say No parts per million! Did You know that the Food You eat everyday is tainted with dozens of Industrial Chemicals? Sometimes on purpose. Whereas Melamine was meant to increase the apparent Protein level of Milk Products, other chemicals are added to both Defraud Quality Standard Tests and in the process of Packing. Why do We have to spend increasingly large amounts of Taxpayer Money to Test Food? Why do We maintain a Capitalistic System that would rather funnel money into Deceiving the Public than into assuring Real Quality in their Products? It shakes Us to the core that the Organizations that We are Told to Trust, or ones that We don’t even think about, that We take for Granted, would try to Poison Us to assure their slim Profit Margin in this Sinking Ship Economy. Similar News out of China: Months of Milk Tainted with Melamine has resulted in Hundreds of Thousands Ill and several Infant Deaths. In this case the Government has taken more Proactive steps. On top of Bankrupting the Company and halting all of their activities, the Chinese Government has chosen to Charge three of the Heads of the Sanlu Group who knew about the dangerously High Melamine Levels and shipped anyway. The CEO, Tian Wenhua was Sentenced To Death in China because she Murdered Children. The Peanut Corporation of America found Salmonella in their peanut Products during Quality Tests and decided to ship anyway to such diverse places as School Lunch Programs and Countries Abroad. The Salmonella Infestation was discovered during Re-testing after some peanut butter was found to contain Metal Fragments. Needless to say, the US Public is Outraged that this Company could Betray Consumer Trust and Risk Our Lives in order to maintain the Façade of Honest Production. Hundreds are Sick as a result of this Blunder and Eight have Died from Salmonella Infections in the last few months as a result not of Carelessness, but of Cold Corporate Malice. It disturbs Us to think that We have to Test so vigorously. The CEOs of Companies found to be in Conscious Violation of Health Codes to the extent that People are seriously injured or Killed should be Sentenced to the full extent of the Law and their Companies Drowned in the River. The Groups that are Watch-Dogging need to be given greater Legal Responsibility to shake down these Corporations and put the REAL Criminals behind bars. Maybe once the Rotten Marrow of Industry is rooted out, We will see our Economy Wax and be able to Travel to Europe again.
IKEY GETS INTO YOUR PSYCHE
MUSIC
THE UNION WEEKLY
STANDS BEHIND A SHACK WITH MARS VOLTA KEYBOARDIST/ LONG BEACH FIXTURE IKEY OWENS. READ ON.
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he Mars Volta’s Ikey Owens might be most wellknown for pounding the keys along with everyone’s favorite afroed prog rock group, but that doesn’t mean he’s too busy to work on countless other musical projects, including his own solo work. And best of all, as a Long Beach native, Ikey might be doing all of this right in your backyard! Probably not though, unless you live in an auto shop or a rusty storage container. Sorry, didn’t mean to get anyone excited. I met Ikey outside of a small building somewhere near Signal Hill. The place was surrounded with scraps of wood and rusted metal and also I think I saw an old go-kart. These were most likely left over parts from the auto mechanic a little further down the gravel road. After offering me some snacks, Ikey invited me into the building through a gate that read “The Compound.” I walked inside the building and saw that it had been converted into a studio from whatever it might have been before. Cool gear was scattered all over the room as I set up and prepared my dumb questions. Ikey’s laidback nature and ability to adapt to his surroundings might be because he’s just a cool guy, but the more I talked to him the more it seemed like a part of his personality comes from his musical background. Ikey is able to adjust his playing to accommodate countless different musical styles, from hiphop to ska, and of course the ever-changing sound of The Mars Volta (not to mention his experience producing.) I sat down with Ikey and I got a chance to learn his philosophies on working with other musicians and I also got to say the word “adapt” a whole lot. It was cool. Here’s what we said:
INTERVIEW BY ANDY KNEIS PHOTO BY ANDREW LEE Union Weekly: So you’re a Long Beach native, and I noticed that a lot of your projects are based in Long Beach. Is there anything that draws you here? Ikey Owens: Um… I live here. [laughs] Musically there’s a lot of good people doing stuff, a lot of really good artists. So, it’s really easy to be here artistically. UW: I also noticed you have a lot of projects going on at the same time. How do you keep all that under control? IO: You know, this is what I do for a living, so, just do it. It’s like going to school or working a job, if you’re going to be successful you have to be able to do a lot of things at one time. That’s just a part of what everyone else does, I think. UW: How do you adapt to the different situations? IO: Usually, when I’m working with other bands other than my own, I’m fitting into someone else’s framework and respecting what they have going on. Listening and having a good attitude is the thing for me. I work with people I respect, so I want to really make their stuff sound good. UW: With The Mars Volta, you guys have a new drummer, Thomas Pridgen. How did you guys adapt to the new drumming style in the band? IO: It’s ongoing you know? He’s a great drummer and he’s obviously amazingly gifted with a tremendous work ethic. I’m not a keyboard player like he is a drummer
so keeping up with him is hard. I’m just trying to adapt my style to what’s going on now. I find myself playing more organ rather than softer stuff. His style calls for a more flat-out aggressive playing or you’re going to get… hurt. The organ is the only thing that will cut through his drums, he doesn’t chill out. UW: Yeah, he’s going nuts all the time. Are you guys heading in a new direction with your sound now? IO: Yeah, I can’t really talk about it too much, but we always try to change the direction. I think all artists do. UW: So I see you’re working on some stuff now, what are your plans for other projects? IO: My band Free Moral Agents is putting out a full length and EP, and we’re going to be touring more, getting out of Long Beach and LA, so I’m going out for a long time, so that’s my priority. UW: Do you try and stay prepared when you’re going into different situations? IO: Yeah, for me that’s the key to everything, just being prepared for who you’re working with. That kind of helps the adaptability, you know ahead of time what’s going on and you bring the right equipment or you just have the right mindset. UW: Yeah. So just adapting? IO: Yeah. That’s the way you do it. UNION WEEKLY
2 FERUARY 2009
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l wing Ca we’re allo ut regt u b , d e o los me with nically c n is tech with an ID to co o ed. One ti a lv o tr v is g in TH: Re g Beach students t people can get ID, come to a tudent State Lon are two ways th g your s meone is talking in e r r B e . e Th istry. st com and d if so to them talks, an ey can ju is that th nce, listen to the interesting go up o s mere nd volved in and in t e the confe thing that you fi G . them teering me and help volved in volun @ about so d e lv o v ffmantm t in get in me at hu ant to ge I il w try and d a n le m a p e e o e n ld . If p shou bject li u s e e th thing big h the event they th in out with it lunteer” helping w ith “Student Vo ed people to help t. mw e ne ht spo gmail.co nected. W t them to the rig n d o c m e tsteps an will get th and I can connec ED’s foo T in e w c o foll conferen tend to s BIL in ne? e o roadcast. D : UW e a live b s onli b lk t’s to ta g e in th t is go ion 3 tha broadcas ed Revis ed Curole thing ll h a w c e n o th all ear stati TH: This yInternet television g. There’s a thing cad Al Gore’s n e n r a ti p s There’s roadca live on that s be live b ing to be rganizati going to ich is the same o g, and they’re go y Internet wh rmin nolog rentTV, lobal Wa nt. There’s a tech G t u ve stream o b a e eve g to be li th e in f r o message o e g h s ts r t’ w [ a a ting p ulu th room broadcas ow called TechZ ing of the main . am n sh ve stream ont page of Ustre and you televisio have a li fr l e ’l e it e s th b w e n d w o ing an held] e BIL g th in n e o b d e ar n poste the talks nt formatio age. f its rece There’s in all the live cover o much o s to d e s k e in n n a li o g e s d k BIL ha need som go can fin you thin o you don’t st t d a ju y because h th n a n W c o W: lizati U ] No. It’s . You a s e e h r s m g a e o u , s th e la u [ o w ? e to ga un? the world nd y You com notoriety y good p yone to change somethin e by yourself. A ll y a o n e d ith a r s a to a ’s r ority esom do so rful job w ause it in eve a wonde ple about else’s auth do something aw uch authority to nion it had TH: Bec is a lot of desire g in o d is eo m d eU ere really better place. TED resonates with p ahead an ing, you have as s writing for] th in trouble th do some a a y e g ll b it w to a in I e n e e k tt r a n a e ir t e g m s a h m e h y d d I W tl w [ n n t n a hu is . a a d a g c ta n th s u man bein nd we were con bversive streak th to ference a really is talks, yo other hu their con lks is that there su ka ve t the TED TED realize a a a e A h . s tr t’ g s d a n e in a o iv Th ta s t re s. ed D a subver people a anity. The anization —when you matu tion that you the TE er than what we’r eyes and ious org ir a um e r tt e z r h e a li v b th tu r a g e h fo fu r in it in e e r e w th back to th ing. to th bette f hop e o in th d e r m n e te o a m c la m o r s s e power e u m n g o o th li y d ig g , ts b s u a u o g e m p y e n can tra le in s b re at it to u erson eth igger pro permission befo ld come ere’s som IL powerful is th l. Every single p re. u o th h t s a a ts handle b r e th n k e B tu a ua e to ask fo tate stud better fu gat makes l individ ctually m don’t hav ’s anything Cal S ey can a y don’t have thing th ds of the norma world and see a an th h c t a e r e th a r If the eople t the d the e han rld it’s a p n o th a r k ll w e s o ld te in g e th lo o in th to w how ity to do th e the or ersity about actually s the abil ant to just watch olved and chang , “I want tier univ a n derstand h p a c to y a e v ay nd th ent to le don’t w t to get in up and s we will change a someone who w ard and Peop world, they wan to stand v t r nd n a a a r H t w a fo to u th , if yo went to do to wait ho ing the o IL t w h B h e w h ig s r o it le . e p th it W th s. do with peo ter than you have r- themselve them to we work y aren’t any smar ral unde e world,” . u th lt e u g c n t [At BIL] e a n you nd th to ch iffere rum for system a have a d ovide a fo r to the UC al State, but they e world. p d e lv aC ange th get invo went to w you ch dents to o h tu s f o B g L U standin y for CS e re a w a th Is : UW ? this year
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UNION WEEKLY
2 FEBRUARY 2009
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ENTERTAINMENT TIME TO TAKE OUT THE EURO TRASH TAKEN IS FUN, BUT MAY SEND THE WRONG MESSAGE MATT DUPREE
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ccording to the State Department, there are a million new victims of human trafficking per year. It’s a heartbreaking statistic that barely scratches the surface of suffering wrought by one of the world’s most diabolical businesses. Taken is a movie that has to do with human trafficking, but I’m still not exactly sure what that means. You’d expect a film involving a specific crime that exposes a vast underground of crime to cover a few points. The first is that the vast underground ought to be stopped by any means necessary. Well, Liam Neeson shot a guy during a party at his house and drove a car through a building. Point covered. The second is that everyone who knows about the vast underground should try to stop it. Well, this one French cop doesn’t, and Liam Neeson pistol-whipped him. Point covered. The last, and arguably most important, is that the battle continues until the whole vast underground is dead or incarcerated, preferably dead. And this is where Liam Neeson failed. Yes, in a movie that was chock-full of enslaved prostitutes to be rescued, Liam Neeson rescued two (and one of them was by accident). He shot just enough guys to get his daughter back and then cut to the loading area at LAX and everyone hugging. Honestly, there were at least three instances where Liam could have rescued a
bunch more prostitutes, and it leaves me a little perturbed about what this movie is trying to tell me about human trafficking. Is it trying to say that the only way to stop violence is to be better at being violent? Or is the moral to the story that only children born of secret agents are worth saving? And whatever the film’s attitude toward human trafficking, it’s very clearly xenophobic Liam Neeson is always so cool. Remember him in Darkman? He’s got all those wicked to an almost carbandages. And then he saved some Jews with a list. What am I talking about again? toonish degree. Everyone in Europe is either a vicious criminal, a police hero, but this particular character was more of a coldofficer with their head in the sand, or a sweaty John blooded bastard than a good guy and somehow the old attempting to bust a nut in Liam Neeson’s daughter. dude made it look good. He didn’t ask, he just slammed The Albanians are marked by their refusal to shave skulls in car doors, and it worked for me. and ever-present toothpicks and the French all have So ultimately, ask yourself: am I prepared for a Pepé Le Pew accents. Every street in France is appar- smash-mouth brawl framed neatly by a pressing inently home to nice-looking men who are going to take ternational crisis that chooses to ignore said crisis you, and all tourists are just begging for a good hard whenever possible? If so, listen to me very carefully: takin’. Perhaps the message to take from the movie is this movie is going to take you. that only secret agents are allowed to see Paris. But let me back up. I’ve always been a fan of shootem-ups, and skewed morals aside this movie had plenty of eye candy. Liam Neeson was snapping people’s arms off like it ain’t no thang and he looked good doing it. Sure, he may not look like much of an action up his agent’s voicemail. Acclaimed Indian director Vidhu Vinod Chopra (An Encounter With Faces) threw enough cash and coke at Rourke to get him to star in the director’s first Hollywood flick, Broken Horses. Rourke is reportedly playing a gangster of some sort, which has potential to be something cool if you aren’t tired of gangster movies.
JOE BRYANT For the uninitiated, Secret of the Nooze is served specifically to you Unionites that love motion pictures (minor and/or major), but lack the gumption to troll the internet for movie news. This process sometimes, painfully and literally, takes minutes on end. You’re welcome. Mickey Rourke has once again made himself a household name with his great performance in The Wrestler, and already the Oscar-baiters are filling UNION WEEKLY
2 FEBRUARY 2009
Good news: we’re getting a new Predator movie! Bad news: Robert Rodriguez’s (Sin City) production company Troublemaker Studios is making it, and they’re calling it a “reboot.” This means instead of just throwing The Rock (I refuse to call him anything else and refuse to accept someone else starring) into some inhospitable wasteland and pitting him against a Predator, we’re going to get a remake. Don’t let their lingo fool you, it’s a fucking remake. Sadly, I’ll be there for the midnight release. Speaking of unnecessarily continuing franchises, here’s one that never was a franchise to begin with. A prequel to The Thing (the 1982 John Carpenter, fucking great remake of the 1951 film The Thing From Another World) is in the works. Back in 2004, Carpenter expressed interest in a sequel, and had the Sci-Fi channel rearing to go for a four part miniseries. Unfortunately, this prequel (along with an already assigned writer and director, the former of which
works on the TV nerd heroin that is Battlestar Galactica) means that any Carpenter involvement is incredibly unlikely. Boo. In a coincidence that can only be described as cosmic in nature, biopics on both Ian Flemming and Steve McQueen are in the works. Don’t see the connection? Daniel Craig has to be any director’s wet dream for the lead in the McQueen flick (tentatively titled Portrait of an American Rebel after the biography it’s based on) and Ian Felmming is, of course, the creator of the beloved womanizing spook that Craig has played for the last two Bond films. Both of the movies have the potential to be great or incredibly shitty, like most good ideas. The guy that directed the surprisingly fun KungFu Panda, John Stevenson, is directing the newest adaptation of Masters of the Universe. The original had Frank “Nixon” Langella as Skeletor and Dolph “The Russian Dude in Rocky IV” Lundgren as He-Man. Try and top that shit, Stevenson.
“We’ll tell you anything you want to hear, we lie like hell.” -howard Beale, network
ENTERTAINMENT UNINVITED AND UNINSPIRED
SURPRISE, THE CRAZY CHICK IS CRAZY MICHAEL MERMELSTEIN
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efore we delve into this waste of celluloid, I feel the need to make two quick admissions. First of all, I am no fan of the Asian horror sub-genre and secondly, and perhaps more important to this review, I am a sound design zealot. Now sure, The Uninvited has a whole host of problems to dig at—poor acting, a surprising lack of scares, soul-crushing predictability—but for my money all would have been forgiven if the score wasn’t so intrusive and out of place. So what exactly is this hunk of junk about? Well, The Uninteresting begins with a therapy session at a mental institution. Our heroine, Anna, has been having nightmares since the death of her mother. The psychiatrist seems very pleased with Anna’s progress and allows her to return home to her family. Once at home, Anna immediately reconnects with her older sister Alex and pushes away her Dad’s new girlfriend Rachel, who was her mom’s nurse. This leads to tension and relapses into insanity as Anna tries to solve the mystery behind the death of her mother. The problem with The Unsurprising is that we know from the very beginning that Anna is crazy, so why should we be stunned when (spoiler alert) Anna is crazy? It just doesn’t make sense. So all
of those weird dead bodies in plastic bags and all those with pumping out another horror movie cash-in— creepy kids (why are kids scary exactly?) are all, quite another Asian horror remake with a purely American obviously, manifestations of Anna’s psychosis. I have no paint job. What else can you expect from the house idea how the writers expected to create suspense when that Spielberg built? Hopefully this film will spell the they blew their load in the first scene. end of the Asian Horror trend, and we can put this Now don’t get me wrong, I like a good John Wil- whole zany world of spooky kids and creaky doors liams score as much as the next guy, but there really is and loud whispers behind us, because honestly this a time and place for that kind of music, and The Un- genre is simply unforgivable. eventful is just not the time nor the place. Horror films offer such free range to the sound designer and many otherwise bland films have scared the shit out of me on the strength of that art alone (30 Days of Night and I am Legend come to mind). However, when the film is bathed in wall-to-wall “movie music” it sucks the life right out of an already lifeless movie. Such is the fate of The Uninvited, which is wrought with the cliché violin screeches and thunder crashes that the movie-going public have been tired of for decades. If there was one word to describe this movie that didn’t begin with “un,” it would be safe. The Uninvited is a movie that doesn’t want to make a name for itself. The producThis is the same brand of tuning fork that our Music Editor uses in his alternative ers at DreamWorks skacore/punk fusion band for one of their eight theremins. P.S. Movie blows. were clearly content
I LIKE SHITTY MOVIES FUCKING DEAL WITH IT CAITLIN CUTT Let me be clear: if you tell me your top favorite movies, I will judge you by your answers. But I have a system. For instance, if your number five is Grandma’s Boy, I have to admit you are at a rocky start with me. However, you can rebound instantly by throwing in Manhattan at number four. Speaking of Manhattan, that would be a really strong start, if you ask me. But if you follow that up with Citizen Kane, Eraserhead, 8 ½, and some random French film from 1964 that you know very well I haven’t seen, you are officially no fun in my book. That’s like saying you like great things, chocolate, feelings, sex, and awesome stuff. You’re boring. You’re just as boring as that girl who still has all her Sanrio stuff from 8th grade, or that guy who splooges every time someone says the words Thom Yorke. It’s okay to branch out, it’s okay to just be entertained. This column is for people who have seen and heard lots of the good stuff, but can’t help themselves when the Fifth Element comes on TNT. I will begin with The First Wives Club (The Big Chill meets Waiting to Exhale). Basically three college friends, Diane Keaton (The Family Stone), Goldie Hawn (Death Becomes Her) and Bette Midler (Ruthless People) reunite after their mutual friend, played by Stock-
ard Channing (Grease?) kills herself when her husband leaves her for another woman. After three hours they all become best friends again, which women can do, especially ex-wives, and they all start to hang out like old times. Here’s where it gets awesome: all of them— in-the-same-freaking-week!—get burned by their respective ex-husbands who are also each involved with younger women, played by Sarah Jessica Parker (L.A. Story—in my top five by the way), Marcia Gay Harden (The Mist), and Elizabeth Berkley (Striptease, obviously). Because they don’t want to kill themselves like their friend, they decide to team-up, seeking out revenge on their ex-husbands: Stephen Collins (The dad from 7th Heaven), Victor Garber (Legally Blonde), and Dan Hedaya (the dad from Clueless). Oh and just in case you don’t think they mean business, they all drop their old wedding rings in champagne and name themselves “The First Wives Club.” It’s a moment. But revenge doesn’t work out, because revenge is bad and it makes first wives fight. After a big blow-out that involves them all slapping each other silly, they make up and realize that they were being really selfish. New plan: Simply blackmailing their exes for their own gain wasn’t enough–they need to use that blackmail money to keep other sad, lonely, battered, dried-up first wives, like themselves, from killing themselves too! So they make a center for women, and throw a benefit dinner where
Ivana Trump (The First Wives Club) gives them divorce advice. Finally, to top it off, there’s a dance number to “You Don’t Own Me,” which is hands down the crown jewel of this movie. It is absolutely as dumb as it sounds, and it is also a blast. I recommend this movie with all my heart. Here’s the great news: if you like The First Wives Club, you don’t have to tell anyone. But even better, if you don’t, you’ll sound like you know a lot about movies. UNION WEEKLY
2 FEBRUARY 2009
LITERATURE DOSTOYEVSKY IS RUSSIAN TO CSULB THE FESTIVAL THAT CAME IN FROM THE COLD JORDAN FRANKS
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he 6th and 7th of February is to find itself visited by the Fyodor Dostoyevsky Festival, so as to honor the Russian literary genius and raise awareness of his career among the bright, young minds of CSULB. The event will be held in the campus’ Karl Anatol Center. Various supporters of the Dostoyevskian influence will make appearances, most notably the Russian novelist’s great, great grandson, Alexey Dmitriyevich Dostoyevsky. Admission is free, and the activities include films depicting the writer and his works, readings and art exhibitions. Fyodor Dostoyevsky—perhaps you know the name, but not the numerous definitions behind it. Many powerful and deeply profound creations have stirred from his mind and seeped from his pen. His renown springs from masterpiece novels such as The Brothers Karamazov, Crime and Punishment, Notes from Underground, and many more too lengthy in number to be listed entirely. Though most of us are condemned to interact only with translations, the shining brilliance of his works is not hopelessly lost. His
books permeate in a most exquisite style with themes of the utmost importance to human life: suffering, despair, evil—and the defiantly crushing steps to triumphing all these. His works display an immense understanding of the psychology of human behavior interspersed with existential themes that forebode the coming of its subsequent philosophical movement. Dostoyevsky’s first self-written publication was Poor Folk, a short novel that earned him instant recognition within Russia’s literary circle. It’s style was simple and so was its message: the poor, forgotten people of Russia’s lower class and their heart-wrenching miseries—but also their impossible joys. After being sent to prison and condemned to death (in jest of course!), his style twisted. He became the writer who bore to us a paradox: his works are not for the faint of heart, and yet they serve as valuable lessons to overcoming one’s faintheartedness. It is Dostoyevsky who created some of the most vile, morally depraved creatures ever been written. When Prince Valkovsky (Humiliated and Insulted) deigns to shock us by revealing his true self—with his preaching of interment of the ethical and an ideal in debauchery—the shock is inescapably felt. Despite such perverted ravings, one can’t help sensing the power, the freedom, of this twisted nature. So it is for Dostoyevsky to remind us that even power and freedom have their necessary limits. Perhaps the greatest anti-hero of all time can be found tramping the pages of Notes from Underground. The Underground man (for lack of a given name) is a pitiable creature who will voluntarily sink lower and lower into the most detestable of states, just to hold fast to his will. Physical conflict is rare in Dostoyevsky—the
LET’S GET METAPHYSICAL THE SETH MATERIAL EXPLAINS ALL SEAN BOULGER Honestly, it’s tough to review a book like The Seth Material. The book is a bit of a mindfuck, we’ll put it that way. Now, we’re not really talking a Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club type of mindfuck here. I wouldn’t exactly call this the kind of exciting mindfuck that, when properly executed by a skilled writer, can leave the brain excitedly pondering something for some time after the film, book, or whatever. Rather, The Seth Material involves a reality-shattering kind of mindfuck. Here’s the breakdown: in the 1960s, a woman named Jane Roberts, who claims to have never experienced any kind of psychic occurrence in her life up that point, began to channel a personality who called himself Seth. Claiming he was an “energy essence personality no longer focused in physical reality.” For decades, Seth dictated books of metaphysical teaching through Jane Roberts—collectively referred to as The Seth Material, these writings contain many of the cornerstones of what is now described as New Age Spiritualism. The well-known phrase “You create your own reality” originated with Seth, who (as far as I’m aware at least), was the first to propose many of the complex and challenging metaphysical ideas that are put forth in The Seth Material. UNION WEEKLY 2 FEBRUARY 2009
Seth pretty much told us that he was what one might describe as a soul who had finished his earthly incarnations and had come back to fill us in on the answers to the big questions. Just like that. He explains the nature of physical reality, answers the God question, explains Jesus Christ, and countless other mindfucking subjects. Seriously, it never ends. The book The Seth Material, however, in addition to breaking down the basic tenets of The Seth Material, is very much an account of Jane Roberts’ experiences as the process began. A writer before any of the psychic events took place, Roberts tells her story in effortless and relatable prose, explaining her feelings of doubt, fear, and ultimately curiosity. Whether what I’ve written about so far sounds batshit crazy (and it does—for that, I make no apologies) or not, The Seth Material is a book that will make you think in ways I can almost guarantee you have not thought before. When reading a book like this, you really have to make sure to take from it what you will, but there is something useful in here for everyone. Offering information ranging from using your dreams as problem-solving therapy to the nature of existence and physical reality as we experience it, The Seth Material covers a wide variety of topics, and suggests a wealth of challenging ideas.
Fyodor Dostoyevsky (above) is easily humiliated and insulted when seeing photos of himself.
Underground man can’t even get his ass tossed through a window. Inner conflict, however, is thoroughly prevalent, always operating as a solution to our own inner conflicts. Thus, Dostoyevsky is a must-read, and the festival is a must-see.
COMICS Crossword puzzles provided by BestCrosswords.com. Used with permission.
Koo Koo and Luke by Jesse Blake
Humanation by Travis Ott-Conn
Across
1- Zoologist Fossey 5- Black bird 8- Pace 12- Hand woven wall hanging 14- Ayatollah’s predecessor 15- River in central Switzerland 16- Ancient region of Asia Minor 17- Architect Mies van der ___ 18- Boot attachment 19- Person who flouts the law 21- Morals 23- Greek goddess of the dawn 24- Wily 25- Hwy. 26- Intones 30- Grassy plain 32- Mawkish 33- Seed of the cacao tree 37- Mayberry moppet 38- Monument 39- Roof overhang 40- Like dandelion or thistle fluff 42- Item having exchange value 43- Bond servant 44- Scoffs 45- Compass dir. 48- It’s just a number
49- European name for a moose 50- Island in central Japan 52- Dusk 57- Choir member 58- Old Italian money 60- Bucolic 61- Hog fat 62- ___ Bator, Mongolia 63- Winged 64- ___ Little Tenderness 65- 13th letter of the Hebrew alphabet 66- Boxer Spinks
Down
1- Speaker’s spot 2- Camaro model 3- Pisa’s river 4- Unaware one 5- Arab sailing vessel 6- Exclamation of relief 7- Helmsman 8- Scarf 9- Rhino relative 10- Belch 11- Intrinsically 13- Security 14- Ladies of Sp. 20- Acapulco article 22- Word processing error 24- ___ bleu!
w www.funatronics.com/kookoo
26- Food
27- Arizona Indian 28- Comparable 29- Food and water 30- Queeg’s command 31- Corpulent 33- Cut 34- Leisure 35- Affirm with confidence 36- Devices for fishing 38- Clot 41- Boring, so to speak 42- Capital of Turkey 44- ___-pitch softball 45- Biblical verb 46- Word with panel or energy 47- Diary bit 49- Pizazz 51- Pop 52- Metric unit of mass 53- Ponder 54- Dies ___ 55- Western pact 56- Small secluded valley 59- ___-de-France
IMAGINE by JANTZEN Peake
FEEDBACK!
e-mail editor Victor Camba: victorpc.union@gmail.com Or drop off comments at the Union office Student Union Office 256a
UNION WEEKLY
2 FEBRUARY 2009
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UNION WEEKLY
2 FEBRUARY 2009
CULTURE cal state long beach gets artsy D
owntown Long Beach is an unsuspecting venue for art. At first glance, it appears to be a somewhat ordinary city lined with tall buildings, your typical drag of fancy bars and swanky restaurants, and a few historical landmarks here and there. Nothing about downtown’s exterior screams high art or low art for that matter. But after attending DT09, an art show organized by our very own CSULB artists, last Saturday, I discovered a side of downtown that truly represented the importance of community, especially for our local artists. My trusty photographer/partner-in-culture and I arrived at the Goods Gallery to a modest crowd, only to be joined later by a flurry of famliar faces—artists and classmates alike. We all gathered together to enjoy work by art majors Patrick Ballard, Emily Quest, Summer Merritt,Tim Melideo, Justin Rightsell, Andrew Pearson, Ricardo Moreno, Vishal Goklani, Travis Ott-Conn and Trina Turturici. The event also featured a performance by local experimental band Dietra Kruschev and DJ Kevin “Dyzzy” Diehm. The art show was organized with great effort, boasting a huge turnout and exceptional art. It’s events like these that make Long Beach much more than a city by the sea; we are a collective, a living, breathing community of artists and we sure aren’t afraid to show it.
words: kathy miranda photos: andrew lee
elbow elbow deep deep elbow deep
Love is a drug; and love is decidedly not in the air. It’s been dead in us these cold months, cold, black and hungry. We’ve watched others kiss and kissed others without animation. Passion has been lost under the cold blanket of winter. But the forecast is warm this week. Aged is the brandy you’ve kept inside you, complex with hints of oak and fruit, ready to be released. So, reader, uncork the barrel. Brush off your V-necks and halter-tops because baby it’s hot outside. And as the semester has begun I’m sure you’ve looked around the classrooms, looked at your hordes, thinking, “Yes. No. Yes. Maybe,” thinking who you’d fuck if you could, who you would if they wanted it enough, who you couldn’t if they wanted it too much. You, a hunter, you’ve weeded the weak from the strong by now, surely. A lion in the brush, you’re very sly. And, yes. Spring is nearing. In the heat even I’ve seen us working toward that point of collision. But don’t be confused. We’re not there yet.
:steven carey
“love is dead in us if we forget the virtues of an amulet and quick surprise.” -robert creeley, “the warning”
No. Now is a time for sowing seeds. Do not be confused. Love is not like the biblical trope; love is like fine whiskey. And now is a time for filling wooden casks with white liquor. Watch as they start to glow; yellow, amber, gold. Lust turning into attraction, attraction to attachment. Watch how conversations over coffee turn to drinks at the bar; strange, the way the drinks will seem to multiply. Strange, how we become beasts like that, vulnerable, yearning only for one more, if only to make us more open to the possibilities of drinking each other’s sweat. But love is like that I’ve heard, like a hunger or a thirst. Something bestial in you longs for it. You need it somehow to survive. And I’ve read it starts that way; as a glance in a room full of people, a leg crossed toward you, like a subconscious heading in your direction, like a beacon, a star, an amulet or a flash, that quick surprise that leads us crashing into each other. I wish you’d fall into it. I wish you’d fall into it. UNION WEEKLY
2 FEBRUARY 2009
Disclaimer:
This page is satire. We are not ASI, nor do we represent the CSULB campus. Bacon explosion. Send rags to bear.grun@gmail.com
“Okay, I think I found our black guy.”
Volume 64 Issue 02
Monday, February 2nd, 2009
LBUNION.COM
Samantha’s Corner: Jessica Simpson Gets Fat! WITH SAMANTHA TREVORS
“Two Arms” Timothy Bartholomew Ward (maybe above?) ardently maintains the impressive crumb collection he keeps in his beard.
Hobo’s Gossip Goes Unnoticed BY THE FROTHY SEA LONG BEACH, CA – Homeless man and local serial vagrant, “Two Arms” Timothy Bartholomew Ward, possibly late 40-somethings, recently gossiped about the happenings of his single-faceted life and not a one living soul noticed. “[Who]?” said D’Angelo Verriwop, 22, shaking her head. Many locals don’t even know of an individual that goes by the name “Two Arms” Tim. Most who encounter the signholding derelict know him simply as, “Sorry.” “Why should I care about some useless, good-for-nothing, no-account transient?” said Marianne Cahnew, 34, a mother of three that lives in a modestly sized apartment building on the second floor, third door on the right, on 4th and Redondo. “I’d prefer to remain anonymous,” added Cahnew sarcastically. Local gossipmongers and twins Katie and Geoff Faeknaim, 14, could not place Ward
either. “No, I’m pretty sure I’d know of anyone named [“Two Arms” Tim],” said Katie. “Oh wait, is he the guy that peed on our rug a couple of nights ago? Mom just started going outside and yelling at him, saying ‘Hey, bad! No!’ and stuff like that. It was pretty crazy. That might be him.” When shown an image that might be Ward, Katie quickly changed her mind. “Oh no, that’s not him at all. Now I remember! That was our dog, Sammy. Yeah, I have no fucking clue who that guy is. He looks like a Santa from the vomit planet.” Ward was last seen, perhaps, around the corner from the local discount deli rummaging around in the used “cow” receptacle, says the Grunion’s most recent anonymous tip. As of press time, “Two Arms” Tim has yet to be located for comment. However, the latest research from area hobologists suggests that “Two Arms” Tim might be gathering with other forgotten souls in the sewers of our city, howling at his profane hobo gods.
Stoner Finds that The Wizard of Oz Syncs Up Perfectly With The Wizard of Oz
Look, I’m just gonna say it—Jessica Simpson totally is gaining weight. She’s not really fat yet but she for sure looks like Katie Holmes did after she had her baby. She’s all jiggly. I know people are all, “Hey, that’s what real women look like,” but that is not a good thing. The average woman in this country is a fuckin’ cow. My ex, Preston, was way smart, like John Mayer smart, and would say all the time, “Girls in this country totally let themselves go. Don’t be like that, Babe. Stay hot.” It was good advice. He was a Marine so he’s talking about all of us compared to, like, Cuba or something. He was always motivating me to go to the gym. He’d be all, “I’ll hang out with you after you go to the gym, Babe,” and “Hey, don’t eat that.” I think it was all that military training, ya know? I bet Nick Lachey was like that with her. We should look at Jessica Simpson gaining weight as like, a huge wake-up call, ya know? Cuz famous people are not supposed to be fat. They’re supposed to be role models. If Jessica Simpson lets herself get fat, everyone
will think it’s okay to look like that. But lots of bad things come along with being overweight. Mostly I’m talking about suicide. Like, when I was in high school this fat girl killed herself on Prom night. They never told us what the note said but I know why she did it. She hated herself, and I understand, you know? Look how close Britney Spears came to killing herself when she got fat! Everyone blames Kevin Federline but let’s look at the facts: She got fat, then she made all those stupid decisions. She blew up, married that guy in Vegas for like a day or whatever, divorced him, made that weird reality show, married Kevin Federline, had two kids, drove around with them in her lap, shaved her head, and went all ape-shit on that SUV with an umbrella. All of that started because she got fat. So back to my ex’s point about all the fat women in America. If the average woman is fat, that means that the average woman is fuckin’ depressed. Eventually they’ll be really toxic to everyone around them and they’ll end up like that lady who lost it and drowned her kids in the bathtub! Scary! When people like Jessica Simpson get fat, she’s telling American women that it’s okay for them to be fat. She’s saying it’s okay to hate yourself.
INSIDE
Area patchouli connoisseur, Justin “Munchies” von Munchhausen, recently noticed that the musical masterpiece The Wizard of Oz synced up perfectly with itself. Also that money is just, like, pieces of paper, man. PAGE O2
Local Mother Won’t Stop Recommending Tuesdays with Morrie
Over a dinner of tater tots and meatloaf, local student Chris Tennyson was recommended the book Tuesdays with Morrie, again. This is the 13th time by his count that this has happened. He told her he would read it as soon as he finished The Five People You Meet in Heaven. PAGE T4
Popemobile Converted into Crime- FBI Agent Almost Done Investigating Stopping Police Vehicle PAGE P8 PAGE C54 Meth Problem