ISSUE 66.11 JOE BRYANT Editor-in-Chief
RACHEL RUFRANO Managing Editor
CLAY COOPER
Managing Editor
joeb.union@gmail.com rachel.union@gmail.com
simone.union@gmail.com
KEVIN O’BRIEN
kevinob.union@gmail.com
News Director
ANDY KNEIS Sports Editor
CAITLIN CUTT
Literature Editor & PR
JAMES KISLINGBURY
Entertainment Editor & PR
RACHEL RUFRANO Music Editor & PR
CHRIS FABELA
Creative Arts Editor
rachel.union@gmail.com cfab.union@gmail.com
kathym.union@gmail.com
Grunion Editor
bear.grun@gmail.com
Art Director, cover
ANDREW LEE Photo Editor
MIKE PALLOTTA
On-Campus Distribution
KATHY MIRANDA Web Editor
Advertising Executive
B
oy, do I have a treat for you. Remember last week I wrote about how I saw some chick steal a stack of papers from a Daily 49er stand and throw them away? Well, in that letter I called former candidate for ASI Treasurer Jason Aula a sack of shit. Here’s what he has to say about that (all spelling remains intact from the original text): Joe,
CLAY COOPER
CAITLIN CUTT
A LETTER TO AND FROM THE EDITOR
jamesk.union@gmail.com
KATHY MIRANDA SOPHISTICATED BEAR
CRYPTO-RACIST?
caitlincutt.union@gmail.com
victorpc.union@gmail.com
Culture Editor
JOE VERSUS
andyk.union@gmail.com
VICTOR CAMBA Comics Editor
-The Judge, Blood Meridian
clay.union@gmail.com
SIMONE HARRISON Opinions Editor
“The man who believes that the secrets of this world are forever hidden lives in mystery and fear. Superstition will drag him down”
caitlincutt.union@gmail.com
Contributors: MIKE PALLOTTA, MATT DUPREE, MICHAEL MERMELSTEIN, ALEXANDRA SCIARRA, MARCO BELTRAN, MICHAEL REVIS, BRIAN NEWHARD, ANDREW TURNER, JOHN YANG, JESSE BLAKE, MAY ZIMMERMAN, HOLLY GARLAND, SARA SANTANA, FOLASHADE ALFORD, JANTZEN PEAKE, BRYAN WALTON, JAMIE KARSON, KATY PARKER, CHELSEA STEVENS, DAVID DIAZ, JEFF CHANG, LEO PORTUGAL, ALEXANDRE RODALLEC, CHELSEA ROSENTHAL, ELISA TANAKA, KEN CHO, JENNY LONG, NOAH KELLY, ERIC BRYAN, JORDAN GARCIA, GABE FERREIRA
Disclaimer and Publication Information The Union Weekly is published using ad money and partial funding provided by the Associated Students, Inc. All Editorials are the opinions of the writer, and are not necessarily the opinions of the Union Weekly, ASI, or of CSULB. All students are welcome and encouraged to be a part of the Union Weekly staff. All letters to the editor will be considered for publication. However, CSULB students will have precedence. All outside submissions are due by Thursday, 5 PM to be considered for publishing the following week and become property of the Union Weekly. Please include name, major, class standing, and phone number for all submissions. They are subject to editing and will not be returned. Letters may or may not be edited for grammar, spelling, punctuation, and length. The Union Weekly will publish anonymous letters, articles, editorials and illustrations, but must have your name and information attached for our records. Letters to the editor should be no longer than 500 words. The Union Weekly assumes no responsibility, nor is it liable, for claims of its advertisers. Grievance procedures are available in the Associated Students business office.
Questions? Comments? MAIL : 1212 Bellflower Blvd. Suite 239, Long Beach, CA 90815 PHONE : 562.985.4867 FAX : 562.985.8161 E-MAIL : lbunion.info@gmail.com WEB : lbunion.com
I appreciate the sack of shit label, and I respect you would actually call me that openly. I think you are a 32nd rate piece of shit for calling me a sack of shit but, fuck I dont even now you? How the hell am I going to call you something like that. Do you even now me other then what you have read about me? All I ask is that maybe you might consider getting to know me and not throwing me to the dogs because I have conservative political beliefs or calling me a sack of shit based of assumptions. When I come across one with different beliefs then I, as far to the left as they maybe I do not judge them, in fact I try to befriend almost anyone I meet. Progressive liberals preach of tolerance and things of the nature, I suppose tolerance does not apply to conservatives like me? I guess you are going to call me a racist or say you have heard I am a racist..... well I hate to break it to you I live with 3 latinas, I date a latina, and actually interned with the lb regional hispanic chamber of commerce. I do have
JOE BRYANT EDITOR-IN-CHIEF
conservative political beliefs in regard to illegal immigration, but that should not deem me a racist. Best Regards, Jason R. Aula I admit that maybe calling Aula a sack of shit was a little off-the-cuff and ill-conceived. I didn’t realize he was a crazy sack of shit. My bad. For those of you who weren’t prepared for that particular level of crazy, let me explain, very clearly, what he’s talking about: I have no idea. Or at least I didn’t. You see, I didn’t know Aula was conservative. Plus, my dad’s a dyed-in-the-wool, “I Like Ike” Republican, and I love my dad, so that wouldn’t necessarily be a deal breaker for me. I also didn’t think Aula was a racist. I had read very little about the guy before he made headlines for purportedly having lied on a scholarship application. Like I’ve said before: ASI elections are boring and almost useless, so why should I read up on who’s running? I have a News Director for that (thanks, Kevin). To top it all off last week’s letter only mentions Aula very briefly, as its focus was on the ’Niner thieving. So I did some digging (or rather, I shared the email with a couple staffers, we laughed and then they did the digging) and found that Aula is all up in Encyclopedia Dramatica’s business. Encyclopedia Dramatica, for the
uninitiated, is the anti-Wikipedia. It’s a place where anyone can write whatever the hell they want about any topic or person, usually with a comedic bent. Aula has a whole page devoted to him. In fact, if you google the dude’s name the first hit is his ED entry. That’s dedication on the part of its editors. I’m not going to give everyone a rundown of the page’s allegations, but I will say that one of them involves a dude passed out at a party, cucumbers, ranch dressing and buttholes. Use your imagination. The fact that Aula is hated enough to have a regularly updated ED page speaks volumes of his character. What’s even more terrible is his willingness to use his girlfriend and roommates to deflect claims of racism from some perceived liberal boogie man. I haven’t really seen anything that says Aula is a racist, but I now know (or as he might say, “now now”) he prefers latinas, but doesn’t want any illegal latinas anywhere near him. A moral conundrum. Jason: Have you ever thought that maybe I wasn’t calling you a sack of shit because of your persecutory fantasies, but because you are, in fact, just a sack of shit? It’s a distinct possibility. Who knows? Joe knows.
Send your praise, questions and pithy comments to joeb.union@gmail.com.
THE BASELESS ACCUSATION POWER HOUR Instead of filling up this space with important things like sketchbook doodles and horoscopes, we thought it would be prudent to sling more mud at our favorite crazy sack of shit! “I heard he sneezed into a Bible once and closed it.” -Senior White House Staffer
“He has a large tattoo on his back of Ron Paul and Ayn Rand sixty-nining.” -Walter, keg enthusiast
“One time he taped two cats together by the tails to make what he called a cat-chuck.” -Mrs. Aula, no relation
“One time he took a big ol’ dook and then whiffed his fingers. Plus, I don’t think he flushed.” -Sam Gompers
“He really likes the Crash TV show.” -Dennis Hopper “He is a butt and a fart.” -Proud Latina Matriarch “Where’s my hashbrowns?” -Bob Hurt (we love you) UNION WEEKLY
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OPINIONS
FORCED LIVING
CSULB IS MAKING IT MANDATORY TO LIVE IN THE DORMS FOR NEW FRESHMEN ALEXANDRE RODALLEC UNION STAFFER
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sn’t it a freshman fantasy to live in the dorms and turn the place upside down? To some people it is—the college life of great frat parties and whatnot. Here at Cal State it doesn’t seem to be a good deal, it’s more expensive than living off campus, and many students don’t see the joy in sharing a room with someone else in a place that doesn’t allow drinking or any other form of partying. I know you have to be 21 to drink legally and 18 to go die in a war (such is the gratuitous usage of the term “responsible adult,”) but the requirement that freshmen now are facing bears that same unmistakable mark of curses, a benevolent shroud, justifying itself incoherently. Freshmen will, as of next semester have to live on campus, “as space is available,” unless they are either 21+ as of August 28th of this year, or will be living at home with their parents during their whole freshman year. There are a set of criteria that will allow them to file for exemption, if they are military/ex military, married, disabled or suffering from a medical condition, a limited credit student (not money, but units), have been economically independent the past two calendar years and can prove it, or, finally, can prove any “other” reason where it can be “conclusively demonstrated that special circumstances exist which would create a substantial personal hardship which is exacerbated by living on campus and cannot be remedied by alternative means. Verification of the special circumstances is required.” Why would the bureaucrats do this to them? Money? The official reasons is that, “research continues to show that students who live in university housing, particularly in their first year of college, have an advantage over students who do not live on campus. These advantages include, greater psychosocial development, higher retention and graduation rates, greater educational aspiration and greater satisfaction with their overall college experience. In other words, they grow personally, make friends, stay in school, are more likely to graduate and are generally happier with their collegiate experience than their classmates who commute to school.” Wow!!! That must be true for every campus in America! What about all the money that they will have to spend on living there? It’s more expensive than living off campus. What if they’ve only been independent for a year? Does that mean they’ll have to fall back to dependency? Or does that mean that their financial aid will go right back to the school? What about giving the students themselves the right to choose what they do outside of class hours, such as living! I can’t believe that a university is claiming the right to UNION WEEKLY
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Illustration direct the living accommodations of students. Who’s paying who here? Research has shown? Great, that’s awesome, then recommend this to the students, don’t take away their right to choose. One factor might be that students that choose to live in the dorms were already more motivated individuals. And let’s not get into the fact that living in the dorms might be an excruciating experience for some students who cherish the community that exists outside of school. The university has lost money because it is unable to fill the dorms. Is the university unable to make the dorms more lucrative to students? Has it tried? Has it asked itself why students don’t want to live there? Probably not, or at least it has not followed through on the information that it has acquired. Instead, the new students are being forced to live on campus. My room-
JEFF CHANG UNION STAFFER
mate is one of those students, and he is not happy about it at all. He has been studying at the American Language Institute, which is located on our campus, for a year and a half, and during that time he lived off campus and did well. Now the university will force him to apply for a position in the dorms, a position he doesn’t want, and that frankly he can do without, just so that the university can save some money at the expense of students. This is the idea of educated society that the university is pushing: Do what you’re told, we can make any rule we want. Of course the mass of students to comply and then the university will have gotten what it really wants, not raise the performance of its students, but to save money. Good luck with your life, freshman.
OPINIONS
MEN VS.MEN-DIVAS
MEN ARE BEING PRESSURED TO ACTUALLY GIVE A SHIT ABOUT FASHION KATY PARKER UNION STAFFER
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Illustration
t this point in life, many of us have enjoyed the pleasures of earning minimum wage in an entry-level position at one of any number of restaurants, facilities or retail outlets. Anyone who was ever loved too much as a child must look no further than to the general public of consumers in order to catch up on years of missed verbal abuse and general rudeness. A hug from my mom is instantly nullified every time I hear “Hey! Why don’t you stop running around like a chicken with its head cut off and ask me what I want?” at my job. In fact, I’ve learned many things from the countless weekends I’ve spent away from sunlight working in tuxedo rentals at a men’s clothing store.The most amusing of what I have learned is this: men, not all men, but a good handful of men, are more picky than the pickiest of women when it comes to their clothing. This can be statisically proven. Man-divas exist. Those born after 1970 come in asking for something “Ryan Seacrest-y” (something eight sizes too small). Those of a certain
BRYAN WALTON UNION STAFFER
age say “Make me look like James Bond.” The rest want a customized design that ties in perfectly to the ever-unique “vintage sailor” theme of their weddings. Any problems can be easily fixed by emphasizing that a man’s broad shoulders and narrow torso are to blame for ill-fitting coats or limited availability, no matter how short and round the man. A customer once refused to try on a coat during his tux fitting. A toothpick hanging out of his mouth, his potbelly tucked wistfully under a too-tight shirt, he explained to me, “Sweety, Hon’, my muscles are too big for this jacket. I’m gonna rip the shoulders if I try this on. I know you think I’m lying to you, Sweety, but it’s happened before.” You think I’m sensationalizing things here, but I’m not. You might believe it if you were faced with “Alright, so let me lay it out for you here. I want to, you know, be successful with women at this wedding. You know, like that movie? Would renting the top hat make that happen?” Any picky man who isn’t a man-diva is simply motivated by
his girlfriend’s own pickiness. I’ve listened to hour-long debates: black tie versus cute, pink flowery tie. Arguments about being too fat to look good in pleated pants. And even “I want you to look like Zac Efron,” whispered by a woman to her poor, futureless fiance. Concern for fashion can be brutal, and the world should know that this brutaility is nowhere near limited to the female spectrum. It’s manly and hairy and fun to watch.
MY VIEW ON ‘OUR VIEW’ THIS IS JUST ONE OF THE PROBLEMS WITH THE 49er KEVIN O’BRIEN NEWS DIRECTOR
In my opinion, the Daily 49er, your campus source for advertisements and the articles crammed between those advertisements, should stop their practice of printing the gross communal op-ed ‘Our View’. What is the inherent difference between an article that is suitable for a news page and an article that is suitable for an opinions page? Other than the obvious: being that a news article should convey fact and analysis while an op-ed should convey the opinion of the writer. That being said, I believe that a news article is read and interpreted by the reader with the assumption that the newspaper as an organization endorses it. This endorsement lends credibility to the article. This credibility, usually reserved for news articles is present in each and every ‘Our View’ article. The credibility is present because each ‘Our View’ is written by an anonymous writer and is fucking titled ‘Our View’. The title implies that the article is supported by the entirety of the Daily 49er, which touts itself as the definitive campus source for news. To my first point, the fact that the writer is anonymous, it seems like cowardice to me. Often opinions expressed in the Daily 49er are poorly written, lofty and/or devoid of social context, however they are rarely controversial
or divisive. When I read an opinion piece I would like to be able to associate an individual and a name with the opinion written. I have trouble believing that a need for anonymity is the impetus behind not printing the author’s name, a concern I believe to be groundless. The faceless name of a writer is not what I would call an imposition on personal space. There is also a degree of responsibility that should be taken by the writer for his or her words. That responsibility is not taken in an ‘Our View’ article. This brings me to my second point, that being the dangerous validity that is imparted to ‘Our View’ articles by the virtue that the Daily 49er as an organization supports the article. In the rare instances in which an Our View opinion is controversial, like the Daily 49er’s cavalier dismissal of the BLR, this credibility can act as a dangerous influence on the student body. Furthermore, the position taken in all ‘Our View’ articles is decided by a vote. A fucking vote. A vote is not deliberation instead it’s taking the mode, the most occurring opinion not the most reasoned or insightful opinion. This opinion is then printed and read by the student body and faculty members and taken as the advice and insight of a legitimate news organization instead of what the article is, a flawed practice. UNION WEEKLY
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NEWS ON-CAMPUS HATE CRIME REPORTED BY VICTIM, OVERLOOKED BY CAMPUS MEDIA NOAH KELLY
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on campus? The fact that there is a person who not only knew the victim by name, but is also sociopathic enough to carve a hateful and derogatory term onto the victim is an additional threat to the campus community. There has been no commentary from President F. King and only now are the respective papers on campus reporting on this. Eight days later. There is a serious disconnect between police activity and our students and this is the kind of communication that is necessary to keep our campus safe. The message that this sends, and the lack of coverage it has gotten, is that there isn’t enough concern for the victim and the community as a whole. To say this wasn’t hate-motivated is criminal, but to play it off as though there is no further danger is even worse. This creates an air of unease and tension that should be felt by all students, not just transgendered students. One student victimized another, and this should be made aware to everyone as quickly as possible. Es-
pecially when the crime is specifically targeted to a minority student. Things like this cannot be swept under the rug, hoping they go away. Read the entire LB Post article here www.lbpost.com/ryan/9421. We need to ask ourselves, as readers and students, if this had happened to someone who was not transgendered, would we have heard about this sooner?
Above is a CSULB Police sketch of the suspect. Anyone with information is urged to contact Detective Johnny Leyva at (562) 985-4101.
VICIOUS ’CYCLES
TWO MORE BIKE THIEVES CAUGHT, THAT MAKES SEVENTEEN MICHAEL REVIS CONTRIBUTOR
CSULB’s local kleptomaniac community seems to have picked up a new target of interest as of late, that being the bicycles of their fellow students. According to a press release sent out by the Office of Public Affairs, campus police have reported arresting two people attempting bike theft this past week. Two males were found attempting to steal a student’s bike outside of the Residence Halls late Monday evening. Officers sent to the scene found a bolt cutter device stashed away in a nearby trash can when questioning the two men about their activities. “Later, through our surveillance system we viewed the camera footage and saw one of the suspects use his left hand to place an object into the UNION WEEKLY
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YOUR WEEKLY CAMPUS NEWS IN BRIEF MARCO BELTRAN UNION STAFFER
UNION STAFFER
reader sent the Union an email linking to an article on LBPost. com which stated that on April 15th, a transgendered student was assaulted and had the word “it” carved into his chest while in the bathroom of the KKJZ building. No one covered the attack until the 23rd, and it wasn’t until then that the Union was alerted by a dedicated reader. Why hasn’t anyone reported on this sooner? I can say that I was not aware that such an atrocious attack happened on campus and that is where some of the outrage should be directed. This isn’t about one particular paper dropping the ball and not reporting on such an incident—this is a problem due to the lack of communication from the campus police and the administration. The LB Post article has several quotes from the campus police who believe that this was “an isolated incident and that there is no additional threat to the campus community.” What about the many other transgendered students
STATE OF THE BEACH
trash bin next to them when the first of our officers arrived at the scene,” said University Police Chief, Stan Skipworth. “Both suspects admitted to coming on campus to steal bicycles, and both were arrested and booked at Long Beach Jail for possession of burglary tools and an added charge of conspiracy to commit grand theft.” With this latest incident, officers report that this makes a total of ten arrests for bike theft in the month of April alone. Skipworth mentions that this also makes a grand total of 17 arrests since the previous Fall semester. Because of the recent string of thefts, campus police are encouraging students to register their bikes with the school so that they may
track them down in the event one is actually stolen. They also recommend getting U-type locks instead of regular chains and padlocks, since they are made of stronger material and are harder to cut through. You can find these at your local sporting goods store, or wherever you go to get your bicycling needs handled. You can also make sure to keep your bikes where there are lights around to discourage possible offenders and, of course, make sure to keep them where surveillance cameras are positioned at, since officers rely on that the most to catch anyone getting any funny ideas. Oh, and be sure to thank the CSULB police for watching your shit. I’m sure they’ll appreciate it.
Hey Pyramid-heads, here are some of the events happening on campus that you NEED to check out. What else are you going to do? Help your mom out of her wheelchair? Give little Jimmy his inhaler? Don‘t lie to yourself. You’ll probably be sitting at home waiting for someone to comment on your Twitter or watching old commercials on YouTube. Pathetic. On Monday, April 26th, the Bob Cole Conservatory of Music presents the String Chamber Concert with conductor Johannes Muller-Stosch at 8:00pm in Daniel Recital Hall. Johannes mother fucking Muller-Stosch! Can you say, “Can’tmiss-event of the semester?” For further information or tickets, call (562) 985-7000. On Tuesday, April 27th, there will be two sneak preview screenings of David Lynch’s documentary Catching the Big Fish: Part II in the University Theater at 4:30pm and 6:30pm. The documentary follows his 18country speaking tour in which he gives his thoughts on meditation, creativity, and consciousness. Seating is limited and free, so go to http://tinyurl.com/RSVP-csulb-big-fish to reserve yourself one because these tickets will sell out faster than the tickets I sold for the video I made of your mom in a thong. Do you ever wake up in the morning covered in blood or find yourself naked in a field? I can‘t help you there, buddy, but I’m sure you can find someone that can at the 39th Annual Psychology Day that goes from 10:00pm6:00pm on Wednesday, April 28th, in the Psychology Building Quad. Sounds like a good ol’ time in front of the PSY building. Yadunandan Center for India Studies presents the 8th annual Solanki Lecture, “Planet India: America’s Stake in India’s Future,” featuring Mira Kamdar on Thursday, April 29th. Reception starts at 6:00pm, lecture and book signing from 7:00pm-9:00pm, and the D.R. SarDesai prize will be presented at the beginning of the lecture, free admission. For further information, call (562) 985-8785. On Friday, April 29th, USU Program Council presents the 10th annual Rags 2 Rhythms Urban Couture Fashion Show. If you’re looking for what’s next in fashion, the event starts at 7:00pm in the USU Ballrooms. For further information or tickets, call (562) 985-4023.
LONG BEACH, LONG AGO A BIT OF LOCAL HISTORY
The Pike.
P
resently Long Beach is a city known for few things: crime, Snoop Dogg, and Holé Molé, but the city’s past is a horse of a different color. The International City’s history is filled with thieving port workers, The Pike, and one of the biggest oil fields in the country. Long Beach might not look like much now, but it used to be a pretty rad place to live. Basically imagine having enough employment for everyone in the city, ample parking and a place to have fun without using drugs. Here’s a look at Long Beach, as the city you wished you lived in. UNION WEEKLY
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THE BIXBY FAMILY
THE PIKE
SIMONE HARRISON OPINIONS EDITOR
Long Beach would not be the thriving city that it is today without the Bixby family. If you look around Long Beach, there is a lot of shit named after them. Bixby Knolls, Bixby Ranch, and Bixby Hills to name a few. Essentially the Bixbys were the Rockefellers of the west. They developed the city into a desirable place for the wealthy, while at the same time employing many lower income people. Without their contributions to the city, Long Beach would not be as culturally diverse or as affluent as it is today. The Bixbys were members of Flint, Bixby & Co., a sheep and cattle company and they bought most of what is now Long Beach, Downey and Lakewood. They started renting out the land to Asian immigrants and eventually bought back the land at a lower price, which might also explain the extreme poverty that exists in the city. Because of the success of the company and because the family owned most of the land, Long Beach’s economy began to grow rapidly. Immigrants started flooding in and, sure enough, were mostly employed by the Bixbys. Long Beach has earned the nickname “The International City” due in part to the Bixbys because they largely employed immigrants from around the world on their ranch. As the Bixby empire grew, so did the appeal of living in Long Beach. The population doubled after 1890, when the Bixby family fortune grew the most. The economic success of Long Beach was dependent upon Bixby Ranch because they owned all of the land, meaning that vendors and businessmen had to buy the property directly from the family. Their involvement in oceanfront properties also
Coppers before hitting the town.
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Signal Hill à la There Will Be Blood.
made Long Beach a desirable place to live for other wealthy entrepreneurs. The Bixby family bought a large chunk of the oceanfront land and developed several neighborhoods that still exist today. You can thank them for Belmont Shores, Belmont Heights and Bixby Knolls. Eventually, the Bixby property was bought by another family who refurbished the original farm and made it into a tourist destination for, well, the kind of people who like to look at farms. Actually, the ranch is interesting because they have installed a museum and several lush gardens around the property that are particularly beautiful in the spring. Also, what else are you going to do? Go to the Pike? I don’t think so.
THE PIKE
THE PIKE
CAITLIN CUTT LITERATURE EDITOR
Our oceanfront “fun” zone, The Pike, began just about as lame and it is now. In 1902 the Long Beach Bath House and Amusement Company noticed that the Pacific Electric Line would end right at the shore of our thengrowing city. So, starting with a mere 12-foot boardwalk and swimsuit rental stand, The Long Beach Bath House began a rapid development, and the amusement zone eventually came to be known as The Pike: “The Place Where Fun Was Invented!” The Long Beach Pike was known across the country as the West Coast’s Coney Island. In fact, in 1954 The Pike was listed as one of the five largest amusement parks in the US, boasting over two hundred concession stands and housing several of the world’s most innovative attractions. The most well known attraction was the famous Cyclone Racer Roller Coaster. It was called a “racer” roller coaster because it had two trains that rode on separate tracks alongside each other throughout the whole ride. The Cyclone Racer was at one point the largest and fastest coaster in the country, eventually closing in 1968. The original Bath House, later called The Plunge, went on to provide visitors with a large, heated, saltwater pool if the Pacific was too cold—though the beach never lost its appeal. Interestingly enough, The Plunge had other attractions to offer besides swimsuits and a heated pool. The pool man, Allen Warrick was a local celebrity for donning full dive gear and vacuuming the biggest swimming pool in Long Beach, submerged in nine feet of water, breathing through a hose. In 1932, the 8,000 seat Municipal Auditorium opened, which was surrounded by a man-made lagoon on three sides. Because the Auditorium needed to be protected from
THE PORT
THE PIKE
MIKE PALLOTTA UNION STAFFER
A few longshoremen unload a truck. storms and whatnot, a half-circle breakwater was constructed around the lagoon, serving as a pier for people to take strolls, and even drive on. Dubbed the Rainbow Pier, the arching walkway stretched from Pine to Linden! But when some dude wanted to build a convention center, the Municipal Auditorium was torn down, along with the Rainbow Pier. The Pike officially closed in 1979, and while every trace of the original Pike has been demolished to make way for the lamest ocean-side entertainment plazas possibly ever, there is still one feature of The Pike that exists—the problem is it’s underground. The Jergins Subway is an underground walkway that still stands under Ocean Boulevard right now! Built in 1927, at the height of The Pike’s popularity—the tunnel was used by 2,000 per-hour as they crossed Ocean Boulevard. The tunnel had two entrances on the north side of Ocean, and there was one entrance in front of the State Theatre. Since the Jergins Municipal building was torn down, the tunnel had been blocked off, but there is talk of possible restoration in the future.
OIL
THE PIKE
JAMES KISLINGSBURY ENTERTAINMENT EDITOR
Oil! People love it and cars can’t get enough of it. California is famous for its variety and abundance of natural resources and Southern California is no slouch in that department, either. Long Beach has been home to a number of oil fields, which have been up and running since oil’s discovery underneath Signal Hill in 1921. Oil is as much a part of the life-blood of California as it is Long Beach. It’s probably common knowledge that Signal Hill used to be the epicenter of the oil rush in Long Beach. The hill, now
widely renowned as a make-out spot for couples that like looking at our city for whatever reason, sat directly on top of what was once the Long Beach Oil Field, which is now a mere ghost of the petroleum dynamo that it once was. While Long Beach has never been accused of being an aesthetically pleasing city, back when Signal Hill’s oil drilling operation was in full bloom the place looked like something out of Blade Runner. The fields surrounding what is now your favorite Best Buy were once festooned with oil wells as far as the eye (or at least panoramic cameras) could see. An even greater field was found running along the coast in the form of the Wilmington Oil Field. Wilmington ended up being the fourth largest field in the nation, no doubt being a direct aid in the tens of thousands of students that commute to and from our fair university every single day. Oil fields pepper the coastline of Southern California in long chthonic fields ranging from Huntington Beach on up to San Pedro and Torrance. There are plenty of other fields in the state—some of the biggest in the country, in fact (that is if you consider Alaska to be part of this country, which the Union does not). It also bears stating that Northern California could lay claims to the most important oil fields in the state, but, really, Northern California can go take a flying fuck at the moon. Long Beach is where it’s at. And if you don’t like it, then you can cram it up your ass with walnuts. That’s right, walnuts. If, for whatever reason, you’re walking with your sweetheart along the shore of Long Beach near downtown (presumably because you didn’t feel like driving out to an actual beach with your partner), you’ll notice a small island in the bay populated entirely by modern art and Jurassic Park concept art. If that’s what you thought, then you’d only be half-right and your girlfriend will probably leave you for someone that isn’t a dummy. In reality, that clean-cut visage of modern architecture hides hideous, brutal machinery used to pump liquefied dinosaurs from the bowels of the earth. It’s an oil derrick, but you wouldn’t know it from all of the trees unless someone (like maybe me or your bright old lady) told you so.
If you watch a movie or a TV show filmed anywhere near Long Beach, it seems blatantly local thanks to the appearance of the port’s huge cranes and the Vincent Thomas Bridge connecting to the cityscape. Since its inception in 1911, the port of Long Beach has been responsible for making Long Beach a town of commerce. With the discovery of oil offshore locally in 1936, billions of dollars worth of revenue has been flowing in and out of the ports. During the Depression, the money was going to tycoons, and little of it was going to the men doing the heavy lifting. Thus, the little guys, including my own Grandpa, Fred Van Mulligen, began skimming-off-the-top, while the higher-ups turned a blind eye. Pilfering from the docks helped support my family, and thousands of local families, for decades. Pilfering fruits, vegetables, clothes and other goods was common down at the docks until the 1970s with the introduction of large cargo containers (the big multi-colored boxes you see today). Before these cumbersome bins—which can only be moved by the massive cranes that have also become a staple of Long Beach scenery—came along, the docks were stacked with smaller crates and barrels that were moveable with just a few hands, or much smaller manned cranes. These crates were easy to open up and “lose.” I’ve even heard stories of Grandpa Fred coming home from his job as a foreman, complaining that his legs hurt, and removing his jeans only to reveal another pair, then removing that second pair to reveal another underneath those. But skimming off the top wasn’t the only thing common down at the docks of Long Beach. These longshoremen were blue-collar everyday guys with great senses of humor. And they made sure to have a good time while making a living. Looking to boost morale and get a laugh from his crew, Grandpa Fred once climbed on top of a storage container and stripped down to his bare ass. The container was hooked up to a crane and then slowly lifted out of the cargo bay as he stood up to greet his crew. Little did he know that an ocean liner (a la the Queen Mary) had just come in next door and was disembarking. As he leapt up, holding the cable to keep his balance, chin up in the air, he heard a laughter that didn’t quite sound like it was just coming from his men. He looked down to find a group of his men surrounded by hundreds of tourists laughing hysterically. He immediately dropped belly-first to the top of container, yelling at the crane operator to lower the load. I’m proud of my grandpa because he was one of the thousands of men who’ve worked at the port, estimated around 316,000 today. Those men who are responsible for doing all the heavy lifting and manual labor that puts bananas in schoolchildren’s lunch pails and new fashion trends in window displays, making Long Beach, Long Beach. Special thanks to Latticia Montoya of the Historical Society of Long Beach, for providing us with all the pictures you see here (at a considerable discount). UNION WEEKLY
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9
SPORTS
Left: #8, Kirk Singer, swings and maybe gets a hit. Maybe even a home run! Anything is possible in baseball. Right: #36, Jake Thompson, winds up and throws a pitch and maybe even gets a strike. The pictures are black and white so pretend they are from the past so my page will go along with the theme this week. The best page in the paper. Much better than News.
DIRTBAGS SERVE UP SOME ICE COLD REVENGE TO UCSB CSULB GETS REVENGE FOR THEIR FALLEN BASKETBALL BROTHERS. UCSB: ULTRA CRAPPY SHITTY BASEBALL ANDREW TURNER UNION STAFFER
L
ong Beach State rallied from a two run deficit to extend their winning streak to three games in an 8-4 victory over the visiting UCSB Gauchos Saturday night in front of a crowd of 1279 at Blair Field. It looked like the Dirtbags had little life in them when they found themselves down 4-2 at the end of six innings on Saturday. That would have been anyone’s assumption given their recent success at the plate the past two games. Long Beach State had scored a combined 28 runs in backto-back wins over UCLA and UCSB. Long Beach answered the call in the late innings. Trailing the Gauchos 4-2 to start the
Photos
MAY ZIMMERMAN UNION STAFFER
seventh inning, the Dirtbags loaded the bases with no outs recorded in the bottom half. After Santa Barbara’s Nick Loredo induced a double play, it looked as though the Gauchos would get out of the inning with limited damage. Brennan Metzger had other ideas for Long Beach. With two outs and a man at third, Metzger roped a single to tie up the game and take starting pitcher Jake Thompson off the hook for the loss.Thompson gave up just three earned runs over seven innings, and was replaced by Cris Trout in the eighth. Trout handled the Gauchos without much trouble, giving up no hits in his inning on the mound.
Trout’s clean inning of relief set the stage for Dirtbag fireworks. After Devin Lohman singled to start the inning, Long Beach loaded the bases on a couple of push bunt singles. Jordan Casas came through in the clutch, belting a bases clearing double just inside the third base line. Long Beach State would tack on one more run in the eighth to take an 8-4 lead. Lefty hurler Kenny Arnerich closed out the Gauchos in the ninth. With the win, Long Beach clawed themselves back into contention in the Big West by climbing above the .500 mark (18-17, 6-5). The Dirtbags are in third place in the
Big West, three games behind the conference leading Cal State Fullerton Titans. Santa Barbara dropped to 3-5 in Big West play, leaving them far behind the pack in sixth. The Dirtbags and Gauchos duked it out in the series finale Sunday afternoon as Long Beach State goes for the sweep, but we don’t have the results because for you because we send our paper to the printers Saturday, and we haven’t worked out all the kinks in our time machine yet. A sweep would be a fine prize for all the Monson Maniacs seeking revenge for the Gauchos narrow victory over the Long Beach in basketball conference title game.
Also, back in the day, the school’s colors were Brown and Gold. They were changed in the year 2000 because ew.
Beauty Contests
SPORTS FOR SENIORS
THIS HEADLINE DOESN’T MAKE SENSE, BUT PLEASE ENJOY ANDY KNEIS SPORTS EDITOR
Hey, so you might like sports if you’re reading this page. If you are a sports “buff ” like me (I’m buff as heck), then you might know that sports are old. Long Beach is also a pretty old city, so people have been playing these old sports around here for a long time. Okay what I’m getting at is that they’ve been playing sports for a long time here at CSULB. I am sullying a long and rich history with my dumb articles. Anyway, we’ve had a few sports around for a while.
Baseball
Baseball started way back in 1954 when some dumb administrative person decided to ask a cross-country runner named John McConnell to coach the team. But perhaps the administrative person wasn’t as dumb as UNION WEEKLY
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I previously implied. After a slow start McConnell led the team to several successful seasons. They weren’t dubbed “The Dirtbags” until the 80s, but this ragtag group of guys were Dirtbags from the start. Probably. I didn’t know them or anything. They died.
Football
The football team did exist once, well as much as anything can actually exist considering life is just perception. Anyway, it started in 1955 when another dumb administrator decided to compete with UCLA and USC and create their own football team. The football was mediocre for many years until it was disbanded in 1991 because the school had no money and also nobody gave a shit or was going to games. Or so the legend goes…
Along with college sports, Long Beach as a city has a long history of athletics that can be traced back to when Brown and Gold were the only colors you could see on TV. Maybe. Whatever.
Sailing
Since Long Beach is a beach, parents thought it would be a good idea to teach their little tykes how to drive a boat in case a tsunami came or something. So they set up a youth sailing center in Belmont Shore in 1929 and now babies rule the seas. Nice one, idiots.
The first Miss Universe Pageant was held in Long Beach in 1952. That’s not a sport but maybe that’s an interesting fact? Some of the girls probably played sports. And there was a swimsuit contest! Hubba hubba lots of girls wearing swimsuits that look like prison jumpsuits. Timeless beauty. That’s all, sports have been around for a long time and so has Long Beach so I guess that’s why there have been so many sports always. It is my pleasure to continue to report on some of these sports for YOU the reader on my cool sports page. THANKS.
MUSIC
IRREVERENT & RELEVANT
Captain Ahab’s new album The End of Irony is boggling minds everywhere MICHAEL MERMELSTEIN THE MERM
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n this age of instant musical gratification it is easy to get lost in the infinite amount of mp3s at our fingertips. But after you have gotten enough Chill Wave to curb your ’80s nostalgia and score your summer barbeques (about six albums probz), enough drone to fuel a million yoga classes, and grabbed the most recent Best New Music from Pitchfork you have to say “enough.” And at that point my friend you need Captain Ahab’s latest release The End of Irony. For those of you who haven’t caught Ahab in concert, the band is a 2-piece outfit based in Los Angeles that consists of Jonathon Snipes and Jim Merson. Snipes handles all of the musical oriented stuff and Merson takes care of the dancing. Captain Ahab have
Illustration
RACHEL RUFRANO MUSIC EDITOR
been seamlessly blending techno, industrial, metal and dance punk for the past few years, but on The End of Irony they really step up the genre-play to levels unseen since the last Girl Talk release. Opener “Acting Hard” is propelled forward from a killer sample from Sly Boogie’s It’s Nothing and contrasts it with straight up Gregorian chant while still having enough room in the mix for banging techno beats and a healthy dose of screaming. It might sound like over-production, but somehow Ahab manages to keep it all feeling absolutely natural. Keeping in the same vein, “Calm Before the Sword” is the first fantasy-metaldisco song I have ever heard, and the only one I ever want to hear, but somehow they
make it kill. Keeping true to the album title, it never once feels like Snipes is being too clever or playing the genres too loose. Besides, if you have time to think about little things like that, you’re either missing the nasty beats or the hilarious lyrics offered up on The End of Irony. It doesn’t hurt that Captain Ahab puts on one of the best live shows around and catching favorites off the new album like “Death to False Techno” and “I Don’t Have a Dick” is going to make Summer 2010 that much more memorable. “I Don’t Have a Dick” is the type of song that should get old really, really quick—it’s got such an absurd story about an all-powerful deity who incidentally lacks the male reproductive organ without
any consequence to him or us, and it’s extremely quotable, (I have the biggest hat in the world / it’s got a million diamonds hanging from its brim) and yet it holds up after multiple sessions. The album is available in multiple formats and each one has a slightly different track listing. I opted to get mine online from the band’s website, but I would recommend getting the CD version because the extra tracks like “Godless” are truly worth owning a physical copy. The title of the album The End of Irony seems to mark less an end of an era in culture and more an end to the bands reliance on witty songs like “I Don’t Have A Dick,” without backing them up with lasting musical chops.
HAVING fun. AT FINGERPRINTS
The new live EP from fun. is pretty good if you like music with your banter ANDY KNEIS SPORTS EDITOR
“fun.” (which will be referred to as “Fun” for grammar’s sake), features vocalist Nate Ruess of The Format fame, and some other guys from other things. But how does this Supergroup relate to you—the public—you ask? Why should you care? Well, jerk, over the summer, Fun played an in-store acoustic show at Long Beach’s own Fingerprints. Still not impressed? Then get this: they recorded that show and then printed it onto CDs and records and released it nationally on April 17th in support of Record Store Day. Yowza! You might be able to hear your dumb friends hooting and hollering in the background. If that doesn’t get you excited, check your pulse, because you might be an idiot. They titled it fun. Live At Fingerprints, though, which is a bit of a blunder and the title almost certainly should include the word “Fungerprints.” As for the music, they sound
pretty good. On their studio album Aim and Ignite, the layers and overdubs would make Brian Wilson blush, with strings and horns and I think I even heard some calypso drums back there. Not to be outdone, singer Nate Ruess added a ton of vocal layers of his own, creating a huge sugary power pop indie sound. Yeesh! It can be a bit much on the ears sometimes, but it’s worth a listen. The stripped down sound on Live At Fingerprints showcases Fun’s masterful pop songwriting and tight band dynamic, rather than their studio trickery and skill for overdubs and multi-instrumentalism. The live album is especially impressive given Fun is a three-piece, with all three band members contributing vocals and several different instruments to the overall sound. Even with knowledge of Aim and Ignite, it doesn’t sound like anything is missing. The thick
harmonies are all accounted for and the band sounds just as tight as they do on the studio album—quite a compliment given all the parts they have to recreate with only two instrumentalists. The album’s highlight is definitely “The Gambler.” The song is an accomplishment considering that it may be one of the only songs sung from the perspective of a mom, but the personal lyrics and the heartfelt vocals make this Momsong even more effective. The thick string section found on the studio version isn’t particularly missed, and it allows the combination of simple piano and the emotional vocals to drive the song. Drive it right to soccer practice and then to the store to get a few things for dinner. Unfortunately, the album is only an EP, and only features five songs. It would have been nice to see their stripped-down take
on other bombastic songs from the studio album. On top of that, much of the length is taken up with talking and band banter. They’re funny guys and all, but on an EP, time is precious! We don’t need two whole tracks of them being “Fun” and making jokes when that time could have been taken up by another song. Also, it really should have been called “Fungerprints.” They really dropped the ball. Overall, it’s nice hearing these songs performed live by these three talented musicians with no overdubs or studio trickery, but the whole experience is over much too quickly. Given that it is an EP, that is to be expected, and it’s nice to support your local independent record store, so I can’t complain too much. Whoops, I already did. Oh well, check it out. It’s a quick, “fun” listen, ha ha ha. Thanks. UNION WEEKLY
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ENTERTAINMENT IS THERE A DR. WHO IN THE BUILDING? “All of time and space. Anywhere and everywhere. Where do you want to start?” Words & Illustration
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t’s the longest running science fiction show in the world, and chances are you don’t know about it. Or if you do, you know it from jokes about wobbly sets and guys in scarves and trench coats. But we live in a world where Battlestar Galactica, V, and even the nerdiest of nerd franchises, Star Trek, have become safe to watch for nonbasement dwellers. There’s one more show that’s made the jump from the fringe and it’s a juggernaut in Britain: Doctor Who. The show premiered in 1963, the day after the Kennedy assassination, and at its heart, the premise has remained consistent.
VICTOR CAMBA
COMICS EDITOR, MENTAL ORGANISM DESIGNED ONLY TO KILL
A traveler from another planet, with all of time and space as his playground, stops monsters and deposes corrupt governments along the way with nothing but his wits and his sonic screwdriver. No one knows his real name, going only by his title: The Doctor. The Doctor travels by way of his TARDIS, a dimensionally transcendental time machine that looks like an old blue phone box but is actually an infinitely bigger space ship on the inside. During his travels, he’s prone to picking up human companions, showing them the wonders of the cosmos, and giving him someone to show off to. He also has an ingenious ability that’s kept him (and the show) alive: the ability to regenerate into a new body when he’s about to die. Think James Bond, but with an in-story rationale. By the time you read this article, the newest season will have made its BBC America debut, so now’s as good a time as any to jump
in. There’s also a brand new Doctor. Matt Smith owns the role as the Doctor’s eleventh incarnation, bringing a natural eccentricity to the part. I’m a couple weeks ahead of BBCA’s schedule, of course. Wait ’til you get to the episode two weeks from now. If you’re interested in digging deeper, the 2005 revival is a great place to get your feet wet, and it’s available on Instant Watch on Netflix. Here’s some choice episodes to start with: “Smith and Jones” the season three opener. Why start here? Because like the 2005 premiere, it’s baggage free primer for what Doctor Who is all about, but done with the confidence that comes from two full seasons experience. A London hospital is sent to the moon, and med student Martha Jones (Freema Agyeman) is trying to figure out how. Does it have anything to do with the patient in the pinstripe suit? “Dalek” season one, episode six.
“Dalek” is the reintroduction of the Doctor’s oldest, deadliest, and most popular enemies. Plunger-armed, staccato-speaking salt shaker robots as a Nazi allegory may seem like a weird arch-enemy choice, but it’s a winning combination that put Doctor Who on the map. “Dalek” showcases what’s so impressive about the “great space dustbins” and shows the depth of the enmity that the Doctor has for them. “Blink” is a standalone episode written by Steven Moffatt, who’s taken over the executive producer role this year. It has suspense, a clever hook (hidden messages in DVD easter eggs!), and makes brilliant use of time travel. Bonus: it stars a pre-An Education Carey Mulligan. The classic series is great too, but if you’re the type that scoffs at old Star Trek, you might want to sit out on it. Otherwise, the sky’s the limit.
A BRIEF HISTORY OF LONG BEACH IN TIME (and movies)
I’m never going to shut up about Cobra. Ever. And you can’t make me, Joe. JAMES KISLINGBURY
ENTERTAINMENT EDITOR, ONE MAN ARMY CORPS
One of my favorite things to do in Pasadena is to point out where certain movies or TV shows were filmed. I can point out a theater from Pulp Fiction, the park from Arrested Development, the house from Parenthood, and the café from Old School. There’s probably a lot of locations from crappy movies dotting the landscape like a medieval plague, but I choose to ignore those places. For me, my hometown is a place that connects me directly to the movies. I don’t have this kind of relationship with Long Beach. Long Beach is mostly a place where I go to school and then have life beat me up for a bit. It’s not a great relationship either in terms of being connected to the film world or not being assailed with existential terror. But not everyone is like this and I realize that Long Beach’s history with film reaches UNION WEEKLY
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back to the primordial days of the medium. The Pike itself was lousy with theaters in the early decades of the 20th century, but it wasn’t until Balboa Studios opened in 1917 that Long Beach actually hosted its own film studio. Balboa Studios opened in 1917 and during the height of the silent film era, it became one of Long Beach’s biggest employers and tourist attractions. The studios closed six years later and has been paved over repeatedly and replaced with tract housing, parking lots, and taquerias. Plenty of films and TV shows have been filmed partially or completely in Long Beach (Six Feet Under, Donnie Darko, and Ferris Bueller’s Day Off come to mind), but the most important film ever to grace this city is the seminal 1986 action-drama Cobra, starring Sylvester Stallone. One of the movie’s
car chases was filmed on Ocean Blvd. and city hall served as the exterior for the movie’s police department. Long Beach has been home to plenty of celebrities over the years (though, most of them escaped the city as soon as they got some money—any money—together), from silent comedian-cum-sex criminal Fatty Arbuckle to Snoop Dogg (until he got some money together). Though not everyone is a sell out or a fallen idol, some people have the decency to stay in Long Beach even after the twin harridans of fame and money descend upon them. One of these stalwart gentlemen is Tommy “Tiny” Lister. Lister, for those not in the know, played the guy who threw the detonator out of the window at the end of The Dark Knight (spoiler), as well as Deebo in Friday and the
president in The Fifth Element (a cool, black president? I’ll believe it when I see it). I know this because he’s come into my friend’s work on multiple occasions. He didn’t remember what he bought, but he said that Lister made some “good choices.” I’d like to think that one of them was Cobra. So there you have it Long Beach: Epicenter of abandoned film studios, cable TV exterior shots, and Tommy “Tiny” goddamn Lister.
CULTURE
JOE JOST’S
WORDS BY KATHY MIRANDA PHOTOS COURTESY OF JOEJOST.COM
Long Beach owned and operated since 1924
I
walk in to the sound of the cue ball breaking, loud and clear. That resounding break simultaneously triggers what seems like a million other distinct noises: beer glasses clanking, rambunctious sports fans yelling across the room, smooth taps filling to the brim perfectly. I had walked into Long Beach’s oldest tavern, and all I could think was, “Shit. Nowhere to sit.” Long Beach’s popular watering hole isn’t just a decent place to get a beer at 2PM, it’s a tradition locals take pride in like it was a business of their own. Founded in 1924 by Joe Jost himself, the tavern is known most for their pickled eggs and custom t-shirts, which are seen donned by Jost regulars who’ve traveled the globe—think traveling gnome.
I order ”The Special” and a Coke. The manager is surprised to see me as I squeeze between a boisterous line of brawny 40somethings, clearly unprepared for my young lady-like presence. The walls of the bar are plastered with the grainy black and white film of historic Joe Jost’s, including a picture of the founder, Joe Jost, and his wife, Edith. I share a table with a group of older men half-tempted to hit on the only girl in the bar, when I take a huge bite out of this yellow-green ball I’m told is a pickled egg. Mmm, yummy. Joe Jost started his business as a barber shop/ billiards hall. His place also served as a store where locals would buy anything from pipes and medicine to eggs, bacon, and eventually, beer. By putting the locals’ needs first, Joe
Jost’s has prospered for over 70 years, and still keeps their traditional menu in tact. Along with a great owner came loyal customers—to this day Long Beach natives are still telling stories of their grandfathers and fathers taking them out for a hotdog a Joe Jost’s. The sugary fizz of Coca Cola from a glass bottle reminds me of being a kid again. I was intimidated at first, but quickly remembered that this was a family business. Here I am, in the heart of Long Beach, a tiny girl eating a hotdog and a soda pop in a bar frequented by blue-collars and senior locals. The crazy thing is, I didn’t feel so left out. The famous Joe Jost’s is located on 2803 Anaheim Street. UNION WEEKLY
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LITERATURE
Fante’s inferno HARD DRINKING DOES NOT EQUAL HARD-HITTING NOAH KELLY UNION STAFFER
Illustration
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JEFF CHANG UNION STAFFER
f you're reading this paper, chances are you have at least heard about a feller name Bukowski. If you like his prose more than his poetry, maybe you've heard of a feller by the name of John Fante. If not, and you hate women, then you're really missing out. Fante was who Bukowski, and every other hard drinking, woman hating, maybe-broke and wish-I-was-broke-but-not-really writer aspires to be. Fante was “where it was at”: he had moved to Los Angeles from Colorado on pennies, shacked up in Bunker Hill, was notoriously late on his rent, drank gin, and ate oranges— But so did his seminal character Arturo Bandini. Bandini and Fante were the predecessors to Chinaski and Bukowski, setting the stage for the semi-autobiographical writer-in-ahard-place for future writers to come. There is a certain problem with the blending of author and narrator in stories such as Ask the Dust, Wait Until Spring, Bandini and Dreams from Bunker Hill. The separation from Fante and Bandini is difficult to ascertain, but one cannot truly assume everything that happened to Bandini was the same things that happened to Fante. Authors take liberties and stylistic approaches that make the reader more
UNION WEEKLY
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engaged in the story, but in novels that are so obviously autobiographical, the reader makes the mistake of being influenced by the character, and not the author. Bandini was the character, and Fante the author, and readers became more influenced with the life Bandini lived, not what Fante was saying about this life. Looking briefly at Ask the Dust, you can see what influenced the future writers to drink, be poor, and unfortunately disparage women. Bandini does all these things in his quest to become a famous writer, which stems from his own self-loathing of being a multitude of things. In Wait Until Spring, Bandini, Fante describes Bandini's childhood and hatred of his Italian descent, poverty and his father's issues. After reading Ask the Dust, Arturo's mistreatment of Camilla Lopez, while not justifiable, makes a lot more sense. Bandini's problems are with himself and being ashamed of being unimportant and from an immigrant family, not with how he was treated by a woman. Specifically his disgust in himself is most apparent when he cannot initially attract a Spanish woman, whom he sees as being of an lesser class than Italian-American.
Fante's work is centrally about self-loathing, but also keeps a constant perspective of how negative Bandini's actions really are. The problem with this though, is that writers like Bukowski took a lot of influence from Fante, but not the whole picture. Bandini's giant ego, self-loathing and women hating translate directly to characters like Henry Chinaski, but they lack the depth that is revealed through Fante's work. This aspect is frequently missing from writers who aspire to be perpetually down on their luck and constantly heart broken. Though to be fair to Bukowski, his later works such as The Secret of My Endurance begin to acknowledge this fault. But, there is something romantic about Bandini's lifestyle, which is what attracted readers and writers even if only by proxy through Bukowski's work. There is a sense of whimsy and pride to struggling, and fighting up through that hole. There is a sense of authenticity, accomplishment, and soul that comes with writing from that kind of life, but ultimately it isn't something to aspire to. Fante's Bandini acknowledges this isn't the way to live at the end of Ask the Dust, which many authors chose to ignore in their selfish desire to be “where it's at.”
COMICS Drunken Penguin Presents by James Kislingbury
Garage Sketchbook by elisa
penguin.incarnate@gmail.com
http:// elisa-tanaka-garage.blogspot.com
Forgotten Fall by Jeff Chang
jeff.chang.art@gmail.com
Across 1- Blind as ___ 5- Ships’ officers 10- Breather 14- Drill a hole 15- Bottomless gulf 16- Exclamation to express sorrow 17- Borodin’s prince 18- Desert bloomers 19- New Rochelle college 20- Honeybunch 22- Owner of an upscale inn 24- Aluminumbronze coin of Iceland 25- Son of one’s brother or sister 26- Switch ending 28- Cow catcher 32- Insult 35- Deli order 37- Institution for mentally ill 38- “You’ve got mail” co. 39- Ancient region of Asia Minor 41- Actress Thurman 42- Ice cream topped with syrup 45- Thrice, in prescriptions 46- Latin love 47- Stigma
48- Gather, harvest 50- Bristly 54- Fights 58- Work too hard 61- Pushcart 62- Dynamic beginning 63- Connect with 65- Doing nothing 66- Pierce with a knife 67- ___ Irish Rose 68- French novelist 69- Carry 70- Queues 71- Formerly, formerly Down 1- Put up with 2- One over par 3- Bellowing 4- Small dog 5- Clublike weapon 6- Attorney’s org. 7- Greek goddess of fortune 8- Bar, legally 9- Metal-shaper 10- Railroad 11- “The Time Machine” race 12- All there 13- Boris Godunov, for one 21- Like some vbs. 23- Electric fish 25- ___ conten-
dere 27- Off-Broadway theater award 29- Run-down quarter 30- Japanese wrestling 31- Actor Epps 32- Back talk 33- Boor 34- Forearm bone 36- Big bang cause 37- River in central Switzerland 40- Able was ___... 43- Undress 44- Again 46- Value 49- Botanist Gray 51- Bottom line 52- Small antelope 53- Loose coil of yarn 55- Passion 56- Tumbles 57- Perspire 58- Kiln for drying hops 59- Rejection power 60- Part of Q.E.D. 61- Big cheese 64- Driving aid 59- Become an ex-parrot?
Time will tell. It always does. e-mail editor Victor Camba: victorpc.union@gmail.com
ANSWERS
Cephalopoda by Jolls
Crossword puzzles provided by BestCrosswords.com. Used with permission.
UNION WEEKLY
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Disclaimer:
“Fuck that old shit. The Grunion lives in the now.”
This page is satire. We are not ASI, nor do we represent the CSULB campus. Sliders Sliders. Send rags to bear.grun@gmail.com
Volume 66 Issue 11
Monday, April 26th, 2010
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Jerry O’Connell Opens Sliders-Themed How Do These Ads on this Porn Site Know Where I Live? Restaurant, Only Serves Sliders OP-ED BY JESUCHAI JOSHUNSON
BY SOPHISTICATED BEAR
H O L LY W O O D , CA – C-list celebrity Jerry O’Connell recently opened his own restaurant in the heart of Hollywood. And much like Las Vegas’ Star Trek themed restaurant, Star Trek: The Experience, O’Connell’s restaurant, Sliders, looks to capitalize on the success of his ’90s TV show of the same name. “All we serve are Sliders, and when you order them you have to whisper ‘Sliders…’ to the waitress just like in the opening of the show, or else she’ll refuse to take your order. You know, funny thing is in season 3 episode 18 we shot a scene in a restaurant just like—” At this point O’Connell’s voice seemed to drift off into a abyss of sound and failure, either that or I just tuned him out. Despite the limited menu, O’Connell thinks patrons will walk away satisfied. “You’ll love the way these Sliders just Slider right down the back of your throat-portal! Kind of like when the gang and I would Slider through one of those swirly tunnel suck-hole things. What a great show, ya know?” O’Connell then cautiously looked around, pulled me aside, and said,
Jerry O’Connell (above) slidering to a patio table with a plate of delicious Kobe beef sliders.
“Dude, I’m not Jerry O’Connell. I mean, I am, but I’m not your Jerry O’Connell. My name’s Quinn. I’m a scientist from another dimension.” Immediately stopping Quinn, I proposed that we continue this conversation over a complimentary platter of Sliders Sliders (which, by the way, took half a fucking hour to Slider to our table). Quinn continued, “So in your universe Sliders is just some amazing crossgenre show that broke down all kinds of barriers, but for me, it’s my life.” I then corrected him, saying only the first season or so was any good. But then they switched it over to the Sci-Fi Channel, I think, and every episode was shot in like Bulgaria, so the rest were kind of whatever. But he was delusional
and drunk on his own Sliders Sliders, the dimension-hopping bitesized taste-sensation that’s sliderin’ the nation! Mmm, Sliders… “The point is,” Jerry “Quinn” O’Connell said, “that my timer, the handheld device that opens a wormhole into another dimension, completely shattered when I got here after someone attacked me thinking I was your world’s ‘Jerry O’Connell.’ You see, this is all an act to make enough money to be able to get the parts for me to rebuild my timer. I just need this place to do really well. Can I borrow a five-spot?” “Well,” I said, “good luck with that,” and asked if he could sign my bootleg DVDs of My Secret Identity.
I recently moved out of my parents’ garage from which I had been residing in since high school, and it’s the worst thing that could have ever happened to me. You’d think I’d be happy that I moved out since I’m turning 42 next month Jesuchai Joshunson (above, in library) looking at a and just became shift man- map of his current location as detailed by an ad on ager of a 7-Eleven, but I had a porn site which he clicked on. it good with them. Meals three they watching me? How do they times a day, my own room with know I’m in Long Beach. Have a television, and I could ejaculate they hacked my mindframe or into my mom’s soiled underwear implanted some bug in me when I while watching Japanese school got that colostomy last June? girls get abused by a tentacle Last Tuesday, I went on Redmonster, I had it made. tube and was flooded with ads of Problems began when pops nude women who had my e-mail found me trying to masturbate address and name plastered across while grating some cheese for their hoohaws. How do they know spaghetti. He said he was tired of all of this? Help me, Grunion, what the sticky keyboard and walking is a Long Beach boy to do (by the into a dark room only to hear me way this email is secret, please zip up my pants. don’t share it with anyone)? But what really clenched it was Everywhere I go they find me. when we started getting non-stop Those damn banners always seem pop-ups on the family computer to know where I am! I delete my asking if we wanted to “enlarge” cookies and my history, and they certain penile areas of our anat- still find singles in the area for me omy or if we wanted to receive a to “bang.” I blame them for the free issue of Hustler; which I can state my life is in now. I’m forced to only attribute to having clicked live on the move and ejaculate into on those banners showing local plastic bags inside the bathroom of singles. You see, each of those the CSULB Library (from where banners always says, “Hi ther! I’m I’m writing you) until I find a new luking for Long Baech bois!” Are apartment. Is there no justice?
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Roller Coaster Ride Devastates Testicles Last Monday, Steven Zuckerman was admitted to the medical tent at Six Flags with what doctors called “severe testicular devastation” after riding on the new roller coaster Sweet Nothings. Zuckerman was quoted saying, “With a name like Sweet Nothings I thought it was just going to be a kiddy ride, that’s why I took my son. I blame myself though. Who goes to Six Flags on a fucking Monday anyways?” Zuckerman’s son’s undescended balls were unharmed.
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Right to Bear Arms Resolves Domestic Dispute
Thursday, April 22, police were called to the residence of Mr. and Mrs. Atwood after a neighbor called reporting overhearing the use of “no-no words” and “outside voices being used inside.” When police had arrived the domestic dispute had already been settled by Mrs. Atwood and her .57 Magnum. Mrs. Atwood commented, “When words won’t settle a dispute I let my gun do the talking. I told my husband he was either going to start eating pussy or full metal jacket.”
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Invisible Children Also Found to Have X-Ray Vision PAGE XB