67.12

ISSUE 67.12 KEVIN O’BRIEN

kevinob.union@gmail.com

Editor-in-Chief

ANDY KNEIS

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Managing Editor

CLAY COOPER

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Managing Editor

chelsea.union@gmail.com

Opinions Editor

NOAH KELLY

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Campus Director

KATY PARKER

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Literature Editor

MARCO BELTRAN

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Entertainment Editor & PR

MICHAEL MERMELSTEIN merm.union@gmail.com Music Editor & PR

CHRIS FABELA

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LEO PORTUGAL

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Comics Editor Culture Editor

JEFF BRIDGES

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CLAY COOPER

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Art Director/Cover

GABE FERREIRA

Assistant Art Director/Cover

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JEFF CHANG

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CONNOR O’BRIEN

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Head Illustrator Photo Editor

CHRIS FABELA

On-Campus Distribution

ANDY KNEIS Web Editor

A LETTER LIKE NOTHING ELS E KEVIN O’BRIEN

CHELSEA STEVENS

Actor, Grunion Editor

KEVIN-SE NT

cfab.union@gmail.com

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF

O

n Thanksgiving Day, following the prayer, my family goes around the table and each member states aloud what they are thankful for. Each year the same true, but obvious, statements are made about family, friends, health, and happiness.

However, each year I am left wishing I could be thankful for a tank. Yes, a tank, a tracked vehicle, often times armored and preferably turreted. I understand the American fascination with automobiles. For years American car companies have employed or used to employ millions of workers. There have been a plethora of iconic cars, both foreign and domestic, in American movies from Fast and the Furious and Too Fast Too Furious, Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift and Fast And Furious. Henry Ford is still looked on as an American innovator and a champion of the worker despite the fact that he was a Nazi sympathizer and admirer of Hitler (and Hitler thought he was cool too.) However,

this love for cars should not deter the American people from a transportation option that I find to be just as viable as the car, if not more so, the tank.

When purchasing a car, safety is a primary concern, especially to parents, even the irresponsible teen parents who may attend this university. These parents, upon barfing out their kid/ kids, run to the nearest dealership and thoughtlessly purchase SUVs like the GMC Yukon or minivans like the Honda Odyssey. What they do not realize is that all the other parents are buying cars of equal girth, and, in doing so, make the roads more dangerous and therefore negate the original step towards safety they took by buying the large car. The solution to America’s dangerous roads is a vehicle of even greater safety, the tank. The thick, uranium enriched armor plating of the M1 Abrams tank will deflect Toyota Highlanders as easily as landmines or suicide bombers.

Parents, as well as the rest of Amer-

ica, just need to get creative and realize the options that are available to them.

So what if the American car industry is slowly being devoured by the Japanese and Korea? We can replace that industry with the American military, putting people to work building tanks. It could be a new American dream for this Thanksgiving, a turkey on every table and a tank in every garage. This could mean the revitalization of the American economy. We tend to set the trends in conspicuous overconsumption; perhaps we’d set a new trend and princes in Dubai would be dropping their Italian Ferraris and picking up a fresh American made tank. Anyways, pray about anything hard enough and it might be made real. So before you give thanks, work tanks into your pre-dinner prayer.

God bless, happy Tanksgiving!

Ask Away!

Finished the paper but still have questions or comments? Send them to the editor at kevinob.union@gmail.com!

andyk.union@gmail.com

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MIKE PALLOTTA, PARKER CHALMERS, MATTHEW TOWLES, BRYAN WALTON, JAMIE KARSON, COLLEEN BROWN, FOLASHADE ALFORD, DEVIN O’NEIL, STEPHANIE HERNANDEZ, KEENAN MACINNES, SOPHI MAISE, STEPHANIE PEREZ, JEFF BAER, DEREK KOSKO, COREY LEIS, LANDON DAVAULT, CHEYENNE DAY, STEVE BESSETTE, MARY FUHRMAN, DEBORAH ROWE, ALLISON O’DELL, JACKIE ROSAS, PATRICK MCNALLY, ADRIENNE SHULTZ, ALISON ERNST, LISA VAN WIJK, JANTZEN PEAKE, RICHARD LEVINSON, NICOLE STREET, JESSICA MEISELS, KELSEY WEHSELS, MAE RAMIREZ, JACKIE ROSAS, TANNER PARKER, KEVIN JORGE-CRUZ, CHRIS PAGE, MICHAEL IACOUCCI, JILLIAN WOLF, DANIEL PEREZ, VINCENT CHAVEZ, MONICA HOLMES, BRANDON STUHL, CHRISTINA MOTT, KIELY CROW, JILLIAN THOMAN, SHANE RUSING, KEVIN NICHOLSON

RITA

AUNTIE

HA YWORTH

MAM E

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Contributors:

ERONICA LAKE

ALISON ERNST UNION STAFFER

After a visit to the Seal Beach Animal Care Center, I have to say that any of the almost 200 cats they house would make an excellent new best friend. The cats at this shelter are super cuddly, affectionate, and adorable. Within two minutes flat, I had one cat leaning on my shoulder and another three on my lap. These little guys are serious about finding a permanent home and will certainly work their charm on you if you decide to come in.

I spent a great deal of time in the Kitten Room. As soon as I opened the door, ten little cats came out of nowhere to greet me. Luna, a tiny little tortie, came over to sit and purr, occasionally glancing up at me and giving me a bare-

ly audible “meow” She was the cutest thing. Ovation, a little white and brown tabby, stayed on my lap throughout my visit. He was a little goofball and enjoyed going after my camera string. It was a relaxing experience to be surrounded by all these adorable furry faces. Every single one of these cats has a distinct personality, and they are all so cute and quirky. Your new best friend could be waiting for you within the doors of the Kitten Room.

My next stop was the Main Cat Room where I met Auntie Mame (a small black cat) as well as the sisters, Veronica Lake and Rita Hayworth (a torbie and a tortie). All three of them came up to me for attention and af-

fection, they were very outgoing. Veronica and Rita were very playful and endearing. Auntie Mame stood up and put her paws on my legs to be picked up and held. It was so sweet.

All of the almost 200 cats are wonderful and they need you to give them a permanent home. If you venture down to the amazing Seal Beach Animal Care Center, you will fall in love with any of the adorable little guys that want you.

Wouldn’t you like a little furry face to call your own that loves unconditionally and thinks that you are amazing?

If you have any time, the SBACC is less than ten minutes from school and is open 7 days a week (but be sure to check the times before you go!).

UNION WEEKLY

15 NOVEMBER 2010

Illustration

OPINIONS EDITOR

CHELSEA STEVENS

OPINIONS

THANKPINIONS CSULB GIVES THANKS IN HONOR OF TURKEY DAY THANKFUL FOR THANKFULNESS LEO PORTUGAL CULTURE EDITOR

W

hen Opinions editor Chelsea Stevens announced that she was looking for thankful articles this week, I got extremely excited on the inside and a little excited on the outside (I clapped quietly in the back of the room, where no one heard or saw me). I’ve discovered that I am much more comfortable writing positive pieces than scathing rants and complaints, so this week’s opinion page’s general feel of optimism and love of Snuggies is right in my wheelhouse. I am most thankful for kindness and thankfulness. But with all that said, instead of writing my own thankful

article, allow me instead to start complaining about complaining.

Negativity gets so tiresome in the day-to-day. Complaining for the sake of complaining? Yuck. “Oh, my life sucks because blah blah blah,” a complainer might complain to me. “I look like an adult but I’m actually a big baby, wah wah wah.” I don’t wanna hear it. It just wears on my soul and, I would imagine, the soul of the complainer. Unless the complainer’s soul is an abyss that grows stronger as darkness, complaints, moaning, droning, and whininess fuel it.

Of course, there are three important

exceptions to my anti-negativity rule.

Exactly three. First, if you are focusing your negative energy in a meaningful way against some sort of negative thing to make the world a better place, that’s great.

Make a difference! Save the world and/or make it a better place! Secondly, you are totally allowed to be negative if you do it a funny way. Comedians like Adam Carolla and Louis C.K. can complain all they want and I will find it absolutely delightful. And thirdly and most importantly, if I love you, you can tell me all about your bad day and your annoying coworker and whatever you want and I’ll listen and just

hope to give you a pick-you-up and make things better.

On the other hand, while I am generally a positive person, I sometimes feel really happy and great and I actually consciously try to reel in my positivity because I’m afraid of being a dick about it. I mean, I appreciate a person being positive, but what’s with super up-beat people who are happy all the damn time? Weirdos. Geez, I guess I don’t know what I want from the people of the world. As with most things, positivity and negativity should be used in moderation. This article was stupid. Just kidding. It was the best thing ever.

IN TOUCH WITH MY INNER MUSICAL THEATRE JACKIE ROSAS CONTRIBUTOR

When thinking about the things that make me happy, all I can think about is all that clichéd nonsense about my awesome family and friends. I know that through my 18 years of life there had to be something that I cherish just as much as the astounding people in my life. Almost simultaneously in my head emerges the lyric, “Let’s make a resolution/Let’s always stay friends/Though we may have our disputes this family tree’s got deep roots…” This lyric from RENT talks about the importance of friendships in one’s life by comparing it to relationships within families. That’s when I realized that mu-

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15 NOVEMBER 2010

sic, specifically the songs from musicals is probably one of the most important elements in my life.

I know I am a young adult and for many of us music is a major part of our lives. Specifically for me, musicals are a key part of my life. Through the stories and plots of the musical, I find myself captivated by the emotions and beautiful ways that the actor sings the songs. Day after day, I find myself applying the songs in my head to situations in real life. It is a way of expression, and although it may not be typical for my age, it is something that I truly love.

In the past, I used to be ashamed of my complete obsession with musical theater. It isn’t necessarily the most popular music, and most people don’t ever know what I’m talking about when I reference Next to Normal or Spring Awakening.

But throughout my life, my fascinations with the music lead my other family and friends to falling in love with it too. I think that this happens, because the concepts and ideas within each song are so human and people can relate to the music very easily. It also carries emotion which is also very relatable for others.

For me, I think that my love for mu-

sic is different than the norm, but I am no longer afraid to admit it like I was in the past. It is my biggest hobby, and although shows are expensive, it’s a very important part of my life. It is a way that I can more easily understand different types of people and ideas. Personally, the musical RENT has helped me through hardships in my life with its idea that, “There’s only now/ There’s only here/We live to love/Or live in fear/No other path/No other way/No day but today.” And now I just hope that others have something that they love and cherish as much as I obviously love musicals, and no, I’m not afraid to admit it.

OPINIONS

WE’RE THANKFUL FOR. . .

KANYE WEST FOLASHADE ALFORD UNION STAFFER

Next week is Thanksgiving, and this time of year I usually start thinking about all those little things I’m thankful for, like family and friends. Something else I’m thankful for?

Kanye West. Before you start hemming and hawing, hear me out, seriously.

I love Kanye West shamelessly. For a moment let’s forget about all that Matt Lauer/George Bush stuff, because I haven’t really processed it. Also, I don’t give a shit about his run in with Taylor Swift. I thought that shit was hilarious, I LMAO’d.

Especially because I agree. I know the manner in which he expressed it was fucked up, but in a funny way. Really, who doesn’t love an “I’mma let ya finish” joke? All that aside, Kanye West is one of my favorite artists because he’s unapologetically himself, and I have to respect that. Yes,

Illustration

CHRISTINA MOTT UNION STAFFER

he’s an asshole, and he knows it. After that it all comes down to the music. His music stays with you, the beats and the lyrics. I’m just always impressed. Sometimes he’s the key to a great day. Give me a little Kanye, and I know things will be going my way (see what I did there?!).

I don’t claim to be a music expert, but I appreciate it. In light of all the shit he has been getting from Taylor Swift fans, and just straight up haters, I’m loving his comeback. I mean helloooo, have you heard of his label G.O.O.D? These artists are among my favorites, like Kid Cudi, John Legend, Mos Def, and Common.

Have you heard of his GOOD Fridays?

Every Friday he’s put out free fucking music to download. So get on that! It’s free.

Oh, and he also tweets or twits whatever.

Not accounting for his mini rants, his tweets usually consist of random comments; bizarre and hilarious.

Kanye’s short film Runaway premiered a little while ago, which is based on his single of the same name.

Visually it is one of the most amazing things I’ve seen. I thought it was beautiful and I should probably stop because I’m totally gushing at this point. This film has tons of things I love, most importantly great music and ballerinas! Perfect combo.

The film maps out the fall and current rebound of his career using a phoenix as a metaphor. Have you seen Selita Ebanks who plays the phoenix? She is beautiful. I gotta give him props.

I’m not saying he’s perfect, and I don’t

excuse him for the things he does. I do feel that he’s aware of this, no matter how cocky he seems. For the superstar persona he emits, there are moments where his humanity breaks through, and I feel I can relate to that. His new album drops next week and I think I might buy it, which is a lot considering I haven’t purchased a physical album since 2006. Gushing review after the break? I think so. If you’re willing to get a little taste of Kanye, see if you like him. Either way, I think it’s time for us to have a toast.

an annual broadcast event where men and women from across the globe come together to be recognized and recognize others for their extraordinary feats of the heart. Although, the spotlight is always on honorees, I’d like to share a little why Anderson Cooper is my hero.

Not only does he provide a voice for the downtrodden during life-altering circumstances like Hurricane Katrina, but he also gives his time and money to charities supporting people with heart disease, AIDS, and other diseases as well as being an advocate for suicide prevention. But of course, his humanitarian achievements

aren’t the only thing that makes Anderson my favorite person ever. Did I mention that he’s fucking hot? Oh my God, he’s hot.

I’m not going to lie, sometimes when I’m watching the news, I find it difficult to pay attention to what he’s actually saying because I’m usually being sucked into the vortex that are the blues of his eyes.

Honestly, I love everything about this man. I love his prematurely gray hair. I love his selfdescribed choking-chicken chuckle (not a sexual joke, just an accurate description of his laugh). I love his purple necktie that he tends to wear on Wednesday night broadcasts

(now that I’ve said it, you’ll start noticing). I love his bulging biceps and perky pectorals.

I love the permanent scowl lines between his eyebrows. I love his awkward humor and lame jokes. I love him, I love him, I love him and I don’t care who knows it.

I know that my chances of ever becoming Mrs. Cooper are equal to my growing a penis, but I can always dream. And I swear I’m not a stalker — I have yet to be formally charged with any crime and the restraining order was written in pencil — I’m just a dedicated fan who recognizes quality when I see it. But, seriously, Anderson, marry me.

I know some of you are scoffing and shaking your heads furiously in disagreement, but have you dared to try a Snuggie? They are so great for studying in these cool November nights or texting or watching your favorite television show or reading this publication. But, the Snuggie is also great for cat-bait. Cats enjoy Snuggies.

And cats are also warm and cuddly; they pair nicely with Snuggies.

Unlike the numerous commercials that depict Snuggie users at places like

sporting events, I do not advocate the use of Snuggies outside the home. There are still prevalent biases towards the Snuggie wearing population that the general public holds.

They simply don’t understand how amazing a Snuggie truly is. You can’t get mad at someone wearing one or be mad when you are wrapped in that casing of fleece. Plus Snuggies have so many different designs, so many that you are be unique in your choice and even buy Fido a new Snuggie. It is possible to give someone a smile for a mere $14.95 (plus tax).

You know what’s better than a Snuggie?

A Snuggie with hot chocolate and a zombie movie on a cold night. That is the fastest way to a girl’s heart for all you male readers.

Snuggies are so much more than American consumerism, they embody warmth and endearment. The world would be a better place if everyone had a Snuggie to curl up in during the times of cold. There would be no wars or fighting, only peace and Snuggies.

And maybe a Snuggie with the peace sign all over it.

ANDERSON COOPER DEBORAH ROWE UNION STAFFER

The Silver Fox, the man who’s bringing sexy back to the news, whatever you want to say about him, it’s clear that the world is in love with Anderson Cooper and you don’t have to be a Yale grad to see why. The charisma, the charm, the chops; this man is a god reporting among mere mortals. From anchoring his program in New York to carrying wounded children out of rubble in Haiti, Cooper is always there paving his own path and standing out as the leading name and face in cable news.

Every Thanksgiving, Anderson Cooper hosts a CNN event called CNN Heroes. It’s

SNUGGIES ALISON ERNST UNION STAFFER

To some Snuggies symbolize American consumerism at its finest, to others (aka me and perhaps a few select others), a Snuggie symbolizes warmth and comfort and love.

When you buy someone a Snuggie, it is the equivalent of saying “I love you”, you are telling someone that you want them to be comfortable and warm and you don’t care how ridiculous they may look wearing that blanket with sleeves. You accept them unconditionally for who they truly are. In other words, I particularly enjoy Snuggies.

UNION WEEKLY

15 NOVEMBER 2010

5

CAMPUS

ALL ABOARD THE DR. STUART FARBER A LEGACY, A BOAT, A CHRISTENING Words and Photos

S

MEN’S HEAD COACH, ROBERT EDWARDS CHRISTENS THE “DR. STUART L. FARBER”

NOAH KELLY CAMPUS EDITOR

aturday November 13th, CSULB’s rowing team, the Beach Crew, hosted the Long Beach Fall Collegiate Invitational at the Marine Stadium. Among the colleges that attended the Invitational were UCLA, Loyala Marymount University, UCSB, USC, UCI, Chapman University, and San Diego State University. The Invitational was for men and women, novices, and four man crews and eight man crews.

The first race was a 4000m Varsity head race that went all the way around Naples Island. The rest of the races were held in Alamitos Bay, where lining up away from a center-of-the-inlet buoy was by far the biggest challenge of the morning. In a small heat, Chapman University came close to colliding with another boat, but the megaphone-equipped announcer shouted a quick and effective warning, and a tragedy (but awesome photo op) was averted.

Also part of the chilly-turned-warm morning was the christening of a Vespoli four man skiff (complete with coxswain seat) named “Dr. Stuart L. Farber,” named

after one of CSULB’s most generous donors, Dr. Stuart Farber. Men’s Head Coach Robert Edwards gave a succinct and complimentary introduction of the generosity of Farber, that was then followed by a quick mini-toast-y speech from Farber in which he complimented all the hard working Beach Crew students and gave them encouragement for their future endeavors.

And then the champagne got poured, but thankfully only on the boat.

Once the champaigne was poured and then promptly wiped off, the new boat took its maiden voyage by the sharply, yet probably overbearingly warm, dressed men’s varsity team.

Dr. Stuart Farber has also been honored this semester with the naming of one of the rooms at the Rec Center after him.

He was the first person to have a room at the Rec Center.

At this rate, you can probably expect that if your children ever attend CSULB, that at least one of their classes will be held in a building that is named after Farber.

GIRL EMPOWERED SELF ESTEEM SEMINARS FOR TEENS ON CAMPUS STEPHANIE PEREZ UNION STAFFER

“Be the Architect of Your Future” was the theme of the annual Young Women’s Empowerment Conference that took place Saturday morning on campus. The program, created

by Long Beach Senator Alan Lowenthal, catered to high school girls in the district. The conference offered high school girls sessions they could sign up for to go to different rooms in the USU to hear powerful women speak.

The first session was called “Education and Career Goals.” In the session there were six lectures to choose from, and each lecture had a different emphasis. Topics of the lectures spanned from preparing for college, obstacles faced once in college, pursuing dreams, technical education, transferring from a community college, and nontraditional jobs for women.

The first session pushed these young women into the direction of planning for their futures. If they wanted to go to a CC, there was a lecture for that. If they wanted to pursue a career, there was a lecture for that too. It catered to every type of young woman.

The second session was called “Personal Growth, Health and Wellness.” The second session focused on the intrinsic side of being a young woman. The topics covered in this session were exploring your identity, building bridges to safe and responsible relationships, how to be your personal best, healthy body/ healthy mind, managing money, and being a leader in your community.

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15 NOVEMBER 2010

Each lecture had an emphasis on taking care of yourself in different aspects. One of the lectures that I found highly important was “Building Bridges.” This lecture focused on having safe and responsible relationships with boys. Girls don’t get to hear that in high school. No teacher ever sits you down and tells you what to do if you are in an unhealthy relationship. In fact, most of the topics at this conference had never been discussed before openly in a classroom setting with these young women. The last session was “Self Esteem.” In this session everyone participated. This conference appeared to create an impression on the young women. What was really beautiful about this conference was that the speakers were easily relatable to the girls, and break down the girls guards by creating activities that the girls could participate in during their lectures.

The lunch hour entertainment was also aimed at the enlightenment and enhancement of the young women.

Slam poets Mae Ramirez and Courtney Clink were on stage performing poetry that spoke about the pressure to change in order to fit in, and issues of self-esteem that were, in the end, only superficial.

This conference will hopefully be a life changing event for these young women. The depth of the lectures encouraged the young women of their capabilities and becoming all that they can be.

COURTNEY KLINK AND MAE RAMIREZ CONDUCT SLAM POETRY FOR A PACKED USU BALLROOM

CAMPUS

A THOUSAND WORDS

CSULB ALUM SPEAKS OF HIS CAREER AS WHITE HOUSE PHOTOGRAPHER CONNOR O’BRIEN PHOTO EDITOR

ASI WHISTLEBLOWER So long as organizations have existed on campus, so have the problems. Whether it is communication, recruitment, or conducting an event, most organizations know the hassle that comes with running a smooth operation.

This semester, the Associated Students Incorporated seeks to quell organizational problems by adopting a new program called OrgSync, which offers solutions to an array of student org problems.

OrgSync is a web-based platform that brings all aspects of campus life and organization together and delivers it straight to the students.

The program includes features like communication tools, information warehousing, event management tools, and calendaring.

Students and alumni can use this service to better assist you in your day-to-day functions, or even year-to-year functions. OrgSync’s communication resources allow you to connect directly with not only your members, but with everyone else on campus. This platform features a feed that permits users to post updates of their org and connect with others through features like discussion boards, directories, even mass text messaging. This program also has partnered with PayPal to allow for easy depositing of dues and fees. The site’s information warehousing also allows for minutes, documents, pictures, and other data to be stored for future use.

The program also presents an opportunity for new or disenfranchised students to get involved.

By using the site’s search engine, students can find clubs and/or events that meet their interests.

A useful tool for OrgSync is the calendaring feature. Now, clubs and organizations can plan events effectively by using the calendar to prevent conflicting events with other orgs. Also, students in general will be able to sort their calendars based on their academic, social, or special interests and find events that spark their interest. The master calendar will have all campus events, which can be easily accessed through the website.

OrgSync makes website construction and maintenance easy. From the platform itself, your org can link its public website to the site and build, edit, and share. You can use an existing website or create a brand new one by using the technology provided by the program.

The question weighing on everyone’s mind is how much will a program like this cost? The program costs $52,000 over the span of 3 years, and money has already been set aside through the 2009-2010 budget from remaining organizational funds. This program was selected after a long process, including bids from other companies.

OrgSync even has a Blackberry and iPhone app along with linkage capabilities to Facebook.

OrgSync have the potential to turn this commuter campus into a more cohesive environment where communication is uninhibited and organizations are more visible and better functioning.

To learn more about the program, visit their website www.Orgsync.com, or come by the ASI office USU 311 for more information.

CSULB alumnus and former 49er photographer, Eric Draper, came to the Pyramid Annex to talk about his eight years as Chief White House Photographer, taking pictures of President Bush. As a photo major, Draper’s visit was extremely meaningful to me. I was expecting a drab slide show of portraits of Bush and some foreign leader shaking hands. Instead, I saw a vastly unique view of the president.

I found Draper’s photographic technique to be a well mixed blend of documentation and sentimental memory making. He shows his relationship with his father, dog, family, and coworkers, along with a detailed account of what took place during his presidency.

Draper used multiple techniques to illustrate his time with the president. The most inventive way he shot the president was attaching his camera to the top of the oval office, then shooting at different times of the day. His ability to get up close to the president brings out his emotions and subtleties that I didn’t see when Bush was in office. His mini concentration on hands was remarkable. With this group of pictures, he showed everything from his relationship with the first lady to his first presidential signature.

I was surprised to hear that he used film photography for his first four years at the White House. It is very easy to pick out his film shots; they are full of rich color and detail that gives off a feel that can’t be reproduced by digital photography.

Draper explained how he was always right next to the former president everywhere he went. His position at the White House provided him with great detail and context in the photos and in his commentary to the audience. His stories went along with each photo shown,

Photos

ERIC DRAPER

providing entertaining accounts of the president that are not usually brought to the public’s attention.

His success was due to his ability to take advantage of every opportunity, to be in the right place at the right time, to always be prepared, and remain ambitious. He got his job by approaching Bush at a party and telling him that

he wanted to be his personal photographer. He got the job later that week, “hitting the photo jackpot”.

He is the first of many alumni guest speakers that will be speaking to our students and community on campus.

I encourage you to take advantage of what our alumni give us for the remainder of the year.

UNION WEEKLY

15 NOVEMBER 2010

Intro

CHELSEA STEVENS OPINIONS EDITOR

I

f you’re like me, you only have one thing going for you on Thanksgiving Day: food. My mom makes some killer butterscotch sauce, and my grandma won’t let me leave the table without trying some of her pickled liver or winter salad. If you don’t know what winter salad is, look it up, I know it sounds harmless but you have no idea.

Think apples, grapes, pears, and more of your favorite fruits being violently molested by mayo and hollandaise.

Seriously disgusting. The variety and quantity of food on that day can be simultaneously heavenly and repulsive, but I’m grateful for it; without it, my family would be at a complete loss for what to talk about around the turkey.

The only unique thing about my relatives on Thanksgiving is that the Cuban ones eat ham and fried plantains instead of turkey and mashed potatoes. I’ve never had an embarrassing story told about me, and I’ve never gotten to embarrass my siblings in front of their faces to all of our cousins. I don’t have a drunken Uncle Harry to cause a ruckus by falling on the turkey or spilling all of our family secrets, and my Aunt Peggy doesn’t try to solve her divorce at the table or have occasional explosions of Tourrette’s.

In fact, my whole life has been UNION WEEKLY

15 NOVEMBER 2010

completely void of funny family instances. My little brother is the only kid in the family to have gotten stitches, and none of us have ever even broken a bone. Our Thanksgiving tradition involves food-related small talk and ridiculously awkward silence.

It’s so bad that all the delicious food I can attempt to shove in my face almost isn’t enough of a sedative to endure it anymore. How can I save my family from another Thanksgiving of uncomfortable torture?

Luckily, the people at the Union Weekly have come to my timely rescue.

Their families apparently have senses of humor, and keep a cupboard full of prime family stories to dish out at the dinner table. Hopefully they won’t be offended when I show up on their doorstep, starved of laughter and witty conversation, and take a seat around the table with them. I’ll sit next to Uncle Harry and fuel his alcohol-inspired antics with some extra shots of vodka in his gravy. Who knows, maybe I’ll stir up some trouble and give my kids some stories of their own to tell someday. If your family needs some spice added to their Thanksgiving pie as badly as mine does, here are a few tasty tales for you.

THE GIFT OF GRATITUDE At the age of three, I was interested in everything a three-year-old in 1990 was interested in. I’d run around the house in Bat-underoos and a Donatello mask, blasting phantasms with my proton pack like a Real Ghostbuster. When August rolled around that year, it was time for me to go from this many to this many (I’m holding up four fingers now). And with that other finger came maturity—a maturity that I wasn’t ready for—learning to ride a bicycle. August 20th, 1990 was the day and that year, instead of making a list, I simply handed Mom the Toys “Я” Us catalogue and said, “Get to it.”

I walked around the house trying to distract myself. “Oh, that’s a nice cake,” I’d say, or, “Oh, Aunt Diane’s coming over?” But I had one thought presiding above all else, “Where the butt are my barfin’ presents ya’ll?”

Then it came time to open all the goodies. I had a camera in my face and people pushing and shoving me, telling me where to go like Kate Moss in an airport. I was escorted to the back patio, and as I stepped down, a wrapped-up bicycle was wheeled in front of me. Mom yelled, “Here’s your present!” My eyes welled up immediately and all I could muster up was, “Where are my pres-

MIKE PALLOTTA UNION STAFFER

ents?” As in, where the Krang are my action figures and GI Joe Battle Cruisers and giant dinosaurs you dumb knuckleheads!?

I looked up from Dad to Mom to Brother to Sister, and none of them knew what to do.

All Mom could say as tears were streaming down my face was, “Michael… this is your present, honey.” Dad continued filming and asked “Uh… what do we do?” as I began wandering around the backyard looking for all the presents they hadn’t gotten for me. I pleaded with them. And not in a loud whiney voice, but in a sad, little broken voice, looking down at my feet saying, “Where are my presents?”

I was sure this was all a clever ruse planned by my much older brother, who was prone to punches and pranks whenever possible. Everyone stood on the patio stunned, except for my brother. He just laughed. Who can blame him though? Looking back on the video, it’s hysterical. And I did mature that day. I eventually got on the bike and learned the lesson of not being a spoiled shithead.

My fourth birthday became a story we could all laugh about every year. Hell, I laughed about it that same night with everyone else as we cut into the cake.

WEEDS AT THE DINNER TABLE Somehow, some way, sitting at the dinner table across from my brother, flanked by our parents, the discussion of the Showtime phenomenon Weeds comes up. This must have been after I finished the first few seasons online on my off time.

“I don’t know too much about it,” my dad says, “but I hear it’s supposed to be pretty good.”

Being the most knowledgeable on the subject at the table, I affirm this and respond with, “Yeah, I’m caught up on the series and it’s great. The jokes are funny and the plot is intriguing. I really like it.”

“You would like that show,” he jabs. This isn’t the first time he’s commented on my marijuana enthusiasm. In fact, he takes it quite lightly and jokes when he can, for instance, when he’s rolling enchiladas and talks about my proficiency at rolling “doobies.”

SKIP TO MY TOOTH Well, I mean, I was only eight or so years old, you see. I can’t believe you guys haven’t heard this story. Okay, so I was about eight years old, and I had a very keen fashion sense when I was eight years old—first half of the ‘90s, you know—so I often wore neon-colored shorts and baggy t-shirts with silk-screened logos and slogans on them imploring us to Save the Rainforest or Our Sealife. Such an ensemble wouldn’t be complete without big, round spectacles, à la Dana Scully circa season one of the X-Files and, of course, cowboy boots.

I liked to look sharp. But I was also into Pogs and Power Rangers (Power Ranger Pogs!), and I was crazy about skipping rope. So here I am at Royal Oaks Elementary School, in the quaint town of Duarte,

JOSEPH HAUSER UNION STAFFER

His poignant humor causes a chuckle out of my brother and me followed by a downward sigh.

“I don’t get it,” my mom says. This produces a quick and severe silence between the other three of us. We don’t know how to respond, and I know it’s on me to say something, but given the situation I’m a little hesitant. I suck it up and just put it out there.

“It’s funny because I smoke weed, Mom.” There. It’s out in the open for everyone to know. I’m pretty sure I’ve never admitted it so bluntly in front of the three of them at the same time. I’m burning to know what’s going to happen next.

“Oh, no, I get that part,” she says, “I just don’t know why it’s funny.”

Cough.

COREY LEIS UNION STAFFER

California, in the afore described ‘fit, skippin’ rope. Here’s the bitch of it. You know how the concrete in garages is slick and glossy? Well, the concrete hallways at Royal Oaks Elementary School were like that. I’m skippin’ away, tryin’ to do that trick where you cross your arms mid-jump—and SLUSMAAACK! Slipped on the concrete, landed face-first, chipped out my two goddamned front teeth. See? They’re fake. Not real. Man, aren’t dentists a gas!

What about the time I accidentally kicked Carissa Rodriguez—the cutest, most popular girl at Royal Oaks—in the back of the head during our dance in the third grade Cinco de Mayo show? She hated me for the rest of elementary school.

OL’ GRANDPA BULLSHIT MOUTH

CHRISTINA MOTT

Sometimes the bullshit that comes out of my grandpa’s mouth is unbelievable.

This “unbelievability” ranges. There was a Thanksgiving dinner conversation centered on shit, colonoscopies, and the rings around Uranus one year. Somehow I’m pretty sure rubber gloves, turkey basters, and gravy also made their way in there. There are latenight assertions that shadow-people exist and Coast to Coast is an infallible news source. Then there are racist remarks about “black” and “white” houses and insensitive comments about interracial couples (which are in existence among the younger members of the family, in relative secret). Misogynistic comments abound in regular conversation, and I’m pretty sure he firmly believes that white men are superior to pretty much everyone else. This isn’t the point, though.

There really isn’t one. I guess that’s my justification for the increasing curtness and sarcasm with which I respond to his advances.

Now, for your entertainment, a fusion of two conversations that actually happened.

After reminding him, again, that I’m an art major at CSULB, he asks, “What does an artist say at work?” I sigh. “…What?”

“Would you like fries with that?” At this point he breaks into an uproarious bout of solo laughter, which I interrupt to remind him that I’d already read the email both times he sent it and he’d already used that one at Christmas last year. We bring the conversation back to LB. “Do they have fishing classes there?” “Wha—? No, they don’t have fishing classes. Even if they did I’m not sure why you think I’d take one.”

“Well, so you can have fish to eat!” I’m in my second decade of hating seafood. I remind him. He reacts as if this is the first time anyone has told him, and then asks “So are you a vegetarian yet?” I’m baffled, not only by the fact that he’d ask this while I have both turkey and ham on my plate, but because he asked “yet.”

Thanksgiving is upon us. I’m hoping this year he asks if I’ve had my first lesbian relationship.

UNION STAFFER

A PRIME CUT OF FINGER Thanksgiving: most think of it as a time of giving. Well, maybe not, but one common occurrence that can either bless or plague this holiday is dinner talk. Last Thanksgiving, instead of having the normal six-hour drive to Escalon, I had Thanksgiving in Cerritos. There I endured the pleasure of my overly-energetic grandma, who seems to have her OFF switch broken, and my dad, who seems to have to match her energy level with alcohol.

With pregame antics aside, everyone was finally at the table ready to eat. After a couple minutes of each person talking to whoever is next to them, there is usually one person’s conversation that overpowers the others, enticing the others to listen. In that instance, my father talking to my grandma was the chosen narration for the table.

The story of choice? A childhood one that involved my dad and his brother when they lived in Mexico, digging holes and covering them up for people to step in. Yeah, straight out of a Bugs Bunny cartoon, neglecting the language difference. Although, unlike a cartoon, the repercussions to get-

ROASTED PIG My dad grew up on a farm in Arizona. I’ve never seen it, but I know it was a real farm, with a chicken coop and pigs and cows. My dad and his brother were in charge of feeding the animals and making sure they didn’t hurt themselves. These animals weren’t pets; they were livestock. They were used for eggs and milk and meat. I imagine it was pretty difficult to take care of animals with little to no affection in return, but then again, they got to eat those animals after a while.

According to my dad, there was this one pig on the farm that everyone hated. Just a real pain in the ass kind of pig. I don’t know what makes one pig more or less annoying than another, but I’ve never had to feed or clean up after a loud, stinky pig. My dad and my uncle were ingenious and imaginative young men, and they quickly came up with a

HEAVY DOODIE FLOW We, my dad, sister, and I, sit around the table staring down at our food, only looking up to get more food or go to the bathroom.

My mom only sits down to talk at us, since we’re shoving food inside our mouths and don’t have time to walk away or talk back, and tells us the same story every year.

Back in the early ‘80s my dad was part of the Metal scene, and with that scene came an excess of drinking and going to concerts. On their third date, my dad thought it would be a good idea to get really drunk and go to a concert with my mom. Fifteen minutes in he has to take the biggest shit of his life, but all the porta-potties have a

MARCOS BARRON CONTRIBUTOR

ting caught would be a lot more severe and realistic: an ass-whooping, most likely with a branch or some other seemingly-harmless tool. Fortunately this wasn’t their first attempt at being mischievous, and although there was no tree-branch-whipping action that would follow, there was a more appropriate climax.

“You know how Alex is, Mom, he never listens,” my dad said.

“Ay mijo, yo se,” my grandma said.

“I told him to hold on while I began digging with my hands, pero el nunca escucha, he never listens, and he slices me with the shovel when he goes to dig… my pinky is just left dangling estaba asi,” he said, as he grabbed a piece of turkey and wobbled it.

On cue, this is the part where everybody laughed; the incorporation of the turkey slice to the finger dangling was pro. At least he left out making a parallel of his blood spewing out with cranberry sauce. Hopefully this brings up some fond or even sensitive memories at the dinner table for everyone out there. Happy Holidays.

MONICA HOLMES CONTRIBUTOR

way to rid themselves of the stupid pig. They would light it on fire.

So, one morning, my dad and my uncle sneak out to the pigpen with a couple matches, and throw them on the poor animal. That pig squealed like you would not believe, knocked over the feeding trough, and ran into a chain-link fence. Luckily, the matches were no match for the pig’s thick skin, and a few singed hairs were the worst of the damage.

My grandma came running outside and saw what they had done. She made them apologize to the pig and clean up the mess.

It was a little humiliating to apologize to a pig, but she learned her lesson and stopped being so annoying. Don’t believe me? Just ask my dad. He looks like Tom Selleck, so you know you can trust him.

MARCO BELTRAN ENTERTAINMENT EDITOR

line that is at least fifteen people long. He runs around trying to find another place to take a shit, but it’s all in vain. He ran back to my mom, face covered in sweat and clenching his butt cheeks together to keep the shit from spilling through his jeans. My mom looks in her purse to see if she can find something to help him, but all she finds is a maxi-pad. My dad says fuck it, drops his shorts, cups the pad around on his asshole like a diaper, and lets loose.

There is no way to follow up that story, so we usually just end up eating dessert and watching a movie.

UNION WEEKLY

15 NOVEMBER 2010

MUSIC

About five months ago my IPod got stolen from my car. Right in front of my god damn house. To be honest I’m pretty sure I left my car unlocked. Whatever, lesson learned. Now Ipod‐less for quite some time I have become an expert on three things, talk radio, mixed CD’s, and top 40 radio. Pretty sure no one cares about talk radio, and everybody got enough mix CD’s in high school so we will skip to the topic that interest me most, the best top 40 songs currently on the radio.

Rhianna used to be the most trustworthy hit maker in ‘the game’ but after her much‐ publicized break up with Chris Brown she lost her magic. Her two singles out now “Only Girl In The World” and “What’s My Name?” hint at a return to form. “Only Girl In The World” is a big time ballad with dance floor staying power (or is it the other way around?) The hook is massive and the House synth’s absolutely rule. “What’s My Name?” has Drake on a verse where he drops the cartoonish line “The square root of 69 is 8 something” which appeals to my adolescent sense of humor. The rest of the song is a little silly with its reggaeton influences, but it is still a solid jam.

Some songs aren’t immediately recognizable as the true classics that they are. “Just ROCKING OUT UNDER THE DESERT SUN A Dream” by Nelly is exactly that type of song. On the first couple of listens “Just A Dream” floated right by me. Its built on a fairly innocuous acoustic guitar lick, but Photo JEEN NA PARK JOE HAUSER something about it makes it into a serious ear worm. Whatever lost love Nelly is

CONTRIBUTOR UNON STAFFER singing about it must have been real love. When I finally brought up the song to my ocated deep in the bowels of the of cars being stopped by them, but after a ing a girl in Long Beach, he managed to band mates I was met with instant recognition. “That chorus is heavy” chimed in my Ocatillo desert, in the base of quick “Q and A” they were passed through. scrounge up acts willing to contribute to friend Sam, it has since become our warm up song.

California, a gathering occurred There was also a helicopter that made a few the awesomeness and found 17 bands to Another song that I actively seek out is “Please Don’t Go” by Mike Posner. Before I last Saturday. It is undecided to this day passes overhead at night monitoring with play through the day. ever heard “Baby” I immediately assumed Posner’s first song “Cooler Then Me” whether this gathering was legal, illegal, what I can only imagine being state-of-theStarting at around 2:30 in the afterormight have been Justin Beiber. So needless to say I am surprised at how addicted to whether the authorities turned a blind art thermal imaging and sniper rifles; we noon, while cars were still arriving packed “Please Don’t Go” I am, but the song is infectious. Posner clearly knows how to turn eye to the whole thing. It was a gathering dubbed it the “Haloacopter.” with camping gear, hot dogs and beer, the ofa phrase manipulating and teasing syllables until they sound absolutely natural. music, friends, beers and if you asked It turned out that the hippie I lent my bands started up underneath a bandshellThe last song I want to talk about has become one of my all time favorite songs. the right people/strangers you could find flashlight to, who subsequently lost it skeleton dome in a basin surrounded by substances that are definitely illegal. Ha- apologetically, was actually Joe Massey, the spined ridges stretching up about seventy After the unnecessary amount of radio Play “Low” got in 2007‐2008 Flo Rida has loa certainly was a hodgepodge of bands man who organized this whole shindig. I feet high. It started off mellow with the become ubiquitous in the world of top 40, but with “Club Can’t Handle Me” he has from Long Beach and San Diego, and the managed to sit down with Joe around 3:00 audience exploring and getting the lay reached a whole new level. The song is perfect from its boy‐girl chorus to Flo Rida’s friends and fans looking for an experi- or 4:00 in the morning until sunrise and of the land and preparing themselves for Unhinged verses. The song is just pure positive energy loosely assembeled along a ence greater and grander than every show I asked how he came about putting this the eventful night that was slowly creep“club” theme. Mostly “Club Can’t Handle Me” is about feeling good. It is the end game ever performed at DiPiazza’s, or you know, whole thing together. He explained how ing in with the setting sun. As the beers of the current stream of techno influenced hip‐hop. It even has David Guetta the go wherever San Diego bands play. he was first acquainted with trance shows passed around and the sun melted into the to producer for these types of tracks. Normally Guetta can be dull, but with Flo Rida Apparently, we were situated within the that take place in the desert, every desert, ground the bands picked up the intensity. in his corner he has managed to craft the perfect pop song. property of the Bureau of Land Manage- every month (you just had to know where While the line up is a little fuzzy in my

YOU HAD ME AT HALOA

L

ment, neither patrolled by local or federal agents, but simply under surveillance by Border Patrol, who cares about nothing but illegals border hopping. There were stories

to look). After he got to know the set up of the desert raves, he decided that instead of having DJs he wanted live bands. Being in a band himself in San Diego and dat-

memory, there was a solid block of pure Long Beach music towards the middle.

Starting with No Hablo, then Thy Squid, Lazy Mary, Wild Pack of Canaries, Brown

and Blue wrapped it up and brought the house down, nearly killing me. After a brief intermission, which allowed everyone present to catch their breath, Joe Massey’s band, Pilots, played followed by a few more San Diegans. It was awesome to see these two scenes come together.

What followed proved that Haloa was more than just a concert. With friends and lovers settling down, circles were formed, drums were played and musings and reflections were discussed. Music, art, God, sex, Seal Beach, Nietzsche – nothing was taboo and these topics were explored in great depth. The moon was absent, but the wealth of a 360-degree Milky Way view and a few scattered fires lit our hikes and conversations and the vacuous silent desert provided the setting to be filled with whatever the hell we wanted. After the sun rose and stars set, camp was quickly torn down and I slept the entire way home.

a serious ear worm. Whatever lost love Nelly is singing about must have been really intense. When I finally brought up the song to my bandmates I was met with instant recognition. “That chorus is heavy” chimed in my friend Sam, and it has since become our warm up song.

Another song that I actively seek out is “Please Don’t Go” by Mike Posner. Before I ever heard “Baby,” I immediately assumed Posner’s first song “Cooler Than Me” might have been Justin Beiber. So, needless to say, I am surprised at how addicted to “Please Don’t Go” I am, but the song is infectious. Posner clearly knows how to turn a phrase, manipulating and teasing syllables until they sound absolutely natural.

The last song I want to talk about has become one of my all time favorite songs. After the unnecessary amount of radio play “Low” got in 2007-2008, Flo Rida has become ubiquitous in the world of top 40, but with “Club Can’t Handle Me” he has reached a whole new level. It is perfect from its boy-girl chorus to Flo Rida’s unhinged verses. The song is just pure positive energy loosely assembled along a “club” theme. Mostly, “Club Can’t Handle Me” is about feeling good. It is the end game of the current stream of techno-influenced hip-hop. It even has David Guetta, the go to producer for these types of tracks. Normally Guetta can be dull, but with Flo Rida in his corner, he has managed to craft the perfect pop song.

TOP OF THE POPS RADIO HITS NOT TO MISS MICHAEL MERMELSTEIN MUSIC EDITOR

About five months ago my iPod got stolen from my car. Right in front of my god damn house. To be honest, I’m pretty sure I left my car unlocked. Whatever, lesson learned. Now ipod-less for quite some time I have become an expert on three things, talk radio, mixed CDs, and top 40 radio.

Pretty sure no one cares about talk radio, and everybody got enough mix CDs in high school so we will skip to the topic that interests me most; the best top 40 songs currently on the radio.

Rhianna used to be the most trustworthy hit maker in ‘the game,’ but after her much-publicized break up with Chris Brown she lost her magic. Her two singles out now, “Only Girl In The World” and “What’s My Name?” hint at a return to UNION WEEKLY

15 NOVEMBER 2010

form. “Only Girl In The World” is a big time ballad with dance floor staying power (or is it the other way around?). The hook is massive and the house synth’s absolutely rule. “What’s My Name?” has Drake on a verse where he drops the cartoonish line, “The square root of 69 is 8 something,” which appeals to my adolescent sense of humor. The rest of the song is a little silly with its reggaeton influences, but it is still a solid jam.

Some songs aren’t immediately recognizable as the true classics that they are.

“Just A Dream” by Nelly is exactly that type of song. On the first couple of listens “Just A Dream” floated right by me. It’s built on a fairly innocuous acoustic guitar lick, but something about it makes it into

ENTERTAINMENT

OUR PLAYERS OF 7TH STREET UNIVERSITY PLAYERS’ PRODUCTION OF OUR LADY OF 121ST STREET

B

CORY LEIS UNION STAFFER

ill Withers croons, “Ain’t no sunshine when she’s gone!” over the soundsystem of the Player’s Theatre as the lights fade on the audience and stage. So begins the University Players’ production of Our Lady of 121st Street, written by Stephen Adly Guirgis and directed by Edgar Landa.

Before you read any more of this, walk over to the box office at the Theatre Arts building and buy yourself a ticket to this show (unless it’s Monday­­—they’re closed on Mondays). You won’t regret spending the 12 bucks. I swear. Okay, now that you’re in line, let’s continue.

I’ve never been to a play on opening night, a sad fact I’m quite surprised by, considering my involvement in our Theatre Arts department, so I was adrenalized to be a part of the audience this past Friday night. The audience’s excitement was palpable, something we could almost chew on. This show has been something to look

Photo

Keith Ian Polakoff PRESS

forward to since auditions and callbacks at the beginning of the semester (“I want to be in this play!”) and it’s finally arrived.

What makes Our Lady of 121st Street such a desirable play to be a part of is its myriad characters and the true-to-life, yet poetic language they employ. From the ghetto fabulous to the closeted gay to the burned-out detective to the mentally disabled, Guirgis explores the gamut.

The dark comedy centers around the death of Sister Rose, a significant figure in all the characters’ lives. When the body of Sister Rose turns up missing from the funeral home, the diverse group of characters, most of which have returned to New York after nearly two decades of absence to pay their respects to their beloved Lady, plunges into a whirling tempest of emotions. Hilarious, poignant, simultaneously heartwarming and -rending, this two-act play delivers.

In order to do such a play justice, a di-

verse and strong cast is required. The show was cast to near perfection. Having had acting classes and the opportunity to work with many of the twelve actors that comprise the cast, I was vastly impressed, but certainly not surprised by their focus and attention to the work they shared with us. It was wildly apparent that the actors’ care was coming from a place of love, whatever its manifestation.

The set design is, simply put, bitchin’.

On top of the small pillars and plinths that surrounded Sister Rose’s casket rest illuminated Jesus candles (that’s what they’re called, right?). Various stacks of suitcases, when opened, closed, and moved around, suggest the different locations of the scenes in the play. Similarily bitchin’, the lighting and costumes are lovely and really enhance the story the players and the director so lovingly share.

I could go on and on about this show, but for the sake of succinctness and pith, I’ll end

by simply saying that you really should see it. I know I plan on seeing it again. It closes Sunday, 5 December, so there are plenty of opportunities to experience it. Since you are already in line to buy your ticket (like I said, unless it’s Monday), you’ve got a leg up.

This show is likely to sell out. Of course, I don’t need to remind you, responsible and respectful reader, to not be a jackass when you see a play. Be on time, don’t talk during the performance, and leave your cell phone in your car, for chrissake!

For Ticket Information:

Call the box office at 562.985.5526 or you can visit the Theatre Arts department website: www.csulb.edu/depts/theatre.

GODDAMN YOU, ZOMBIES THE WALKING DEAD ON AMC IS FUCKING AWESOME ALISON ERNST UNION STAFFER

AMC’s The Walking Dead is one of those shows you absolutely must watch. After two episodes, I find myself desperately wanting to know more, more about the lives of the few survivors, more about this new world inhabited by the “walkers,” and how this zombie apocalypse came to be. This is one of those TV series that feels fresh and has interesting story lines, characters, and groundbreaking ideas.

The first episode focuses on Rick, the protagonist, as he wakes up in a hospital bed after the zombie infection has broken out. Like Rick, viewers have no idea how this virus first came into existence, but we do find out that after a bite from one of the “walkers,” the victim has a fever, dies,

and then becomes a “walker.” Interestingly in this zombie universe, the dead do recall some of their previous life. This is startling to a young child and his father when their mother comes back to visit their house regularly. The Walking Dead stays true to zombie tradition as the walker only truly dies after being hit in the head, be it by bullet or knife or shovel. After Rick ventures into the city to find the survivor camp, he soon finds himself surrounded by zombies in all directions; however, since his transportation of choice happened to be a horse, the zombies go for the horse, which allows Rick time to escape into a nearby army tank. I was so intrigued by the originality of this show, it pulled me in until the very last second of the pilot,

leaving me to wait a week until they aired the second episode.

The second episode was just as captivating as the first. Rick finds survivors in a nearby department store and much is revealed about human nature. Without laws or policemen, people are forced to pick their battles and determine how they want to lead their own lives. I was struck when I realized that this hour-long episode does not span days, it spans a few hours.

And it is called “Guts” for a reason. Some of the characters slather zombie-innards on themselves to disguise themselves. This occurred to me as being very Shaun of the Dead, but a much better way to blend in, walking and smelling like the enemy. Right

before the creation of the new zombie garments, the chosen zombie is revealed to be an organ donor, to the relief of Rick and the others. I must admit that this scene was somewhat hard to watch with the noises and the gore that occurs from the disembowelment of the dead.

The Walking Dead is a promising new series that has so much potential; I am stoked to see where it will go. The characters are developing into these fully-fledged people as more and more is revealed to viewers about their lives and their reactions to this new life that everyone must adapt to or die. I sincerely hope that Rick and his fellow survivors will continue to adapt for as long as possible to keep this series alive.

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15 NOVEMBER 2010

CULTURE

MASTERS OF FINE ARTS

AMAZING STUDENT ART GALLERIES EXHIBITED THIS WEEK

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FOLASHADE ALFORD UNION STAFFER

his time of year most of us are trying to get by in our classes, but this week there are a few people who are beyond ecstatic. Why? They are artists showcasing the result of all their blood, sweat and tears in the MFA Thesis Exhibit.

To better understand the exhibit, I talked with three featured artists: Harry Diaz, Jennie Cotterill and Nancy Chiu.

Diaz was born in Guatemala, which colors the way he expresses his art both figuratively and literally. A lot of the time he leans on the rich colors that are featured in native Mayan textiles that are still worn today. His exhibit focuses on visual communication and how many symbols we see overlap into other cultures. Diaz uses his Guatemalan background and blends it with more modern influences in his life to create a cultural fusion in his art. Ending up in the MFA program was Diaz’s life com-

Photos

CONNOR O’BRIEN PHOTO EDITOR

ing full circle. Before he was in college, he did a lot of screen-printing and posters for his friend’s bands. He got tired of that, but it wasn’t until college that he realized he didn’t want to be a lawyer or a doctor and saw that he could have a career as an artist. Diaz lets the theme of the work decide what medium he is going to use. This show is more of a transition rather than an end, as Diaz has other solo shows coming. He’s excited to share his work with the campus and continue his artistic career.

When Cotterill creates a piece, her goal is to make something fun and relatable. Her show is about procrastination and uses the combination of audio, 3D, and 2D aspects to make this exhibit interactive. Before coming to college, she figured she would just go for something on the more “traditional” side. When she realized she could get an art degree, everything fell into place. Cotterill

ART

JENNIE COTTERILL

loves what she’s doing and that passion continues to move her forward. She feels that getting an art education encourages students to realize that they can be a participant in the continuing conversation as well.

She noted that this exhibit does represent her entire education because it utilizes a lot of different media.Cotterill isn’t entirely sure what she wants to do post-graduation.

She may teach a class or work on a stop-motion project to get recognized. While she’s tired after putting in so much work she also looks forward to the next project after this exhibit.

Chiu’s personal experiences translate into her art. Because her pieces are quite special to her, she wants the viewer to connect as well. She tries to make her pieces small and delicate so people are drawn to it and feel more intimate with the piece. In her work, Chiu utilizes graphite and acrylic washes to

A PRELUDE TO THE PIE PAGE

HOW ONE MAN FOUND PIE (OR HOW PIE FOUND A MAN) LEO PORTUGAL CULTURE EDITOR

I wish I could say I was born with a love for pie. Unfortunately, I was not a pie-eating baby. Sure, I can look back at that now and think it a form of neglect on the part of my parents, but I choose to forgive and learn from their mistakes. Instead, much like a person might find Jesus or Buddha, I found pie at a later stage in life.

Let me tell you the parable of how one man, lost in a relatively pieless world, found hope. One fateful night, the man got a pie from the House of Pies in Los Angeles. The pie tickled his taste buds and blew his mind.

He knew immediately that a pie-filled life was the only life for him. He began to proUNION WEEKLY

15 NOVEMBER 2010

claim this from the mountaintops and a cry was returned to him saying, “Leo! Let’s bake pies!” And so he did. And he hasn’t stopped since. The mountain in this parable represents my Facebook wall and the mountaintop proclamations represent status updates.

The pie is a metaphor for pie.

I am thankful for so much, but most of all I am thankful for pie. Thanks pie for being better than cake. Thanks for being delicious in so many different ways. Thanks for always being there to lift my spirits.

There’s always room for more pie, so just tilt your pretty little head to the right and take a look at the next page.

emphasize the intricate line-work she does.

Chiu is just happy that she has a body of work to share with family and friends. She incorporates symbols that represent people who are significant in her life throughout her work, sharing her love for the people she cares about. She wants to continue to make art that makes people feel happy.

Please go out and support these students. They’re amazing and then you’ll be able to say you saw their work before they were famous.

DON’T MISS THIS AMAZING ART EVENT MFA Illustration and BFA Metal & Jewelry student art galleries.

November 15-18 (12pm - 5pm) Located between buildings FA2 & FA3.

For more info, call (562) 985-4376.

CULTURE

PIE EATING CONTEST

BECAUSE, WHILE EATING CONTESTS ARE COOL, PIE IS TOO COOL FOR THAT. SO HERE ARE A COUPLE GUYS JUST ENJOYIN’ PIE. PHOTOS

GET TO HIS HEART

CONNOR O’BRIEN PHOTO EDITOR

THROUGH HIS PIE-HOLE STEVE BESSETTE UNION STAFFER

If you’re a guy, you don’t need to read this. If you’re a lady, keep on readin’ on!

I’m about to let you in on some key, insider information on how to win over the warm, soggy heart of a man. It’s something so obvious, yet so elusive, that even some dudes might not realize the awesomeness until it’s sitting right in front of them. What is this key? Simply making them a fresh pie for dessert, of course! Saying all guys like pie for dessert is like saying all guys can’t wait to watch football on Sunday, or will keep rewinding that scene in Transformers 2 where Megan Fox was draping herself over a bike like a slut. It’s not always true.

But no matter who your man is, making

him a delicious pie will at least show him you care.

Is it warm outside? Maybe a coconut cream, banana cream, or Key Lime pie will cool things down. Looking for sweet and sour? Bake a cherry, razzleberry, or any mixed berry pie for that matter. And whether Thanksgiving is around the corner or not, pumpkin pie is always a popular choice. If you’ve got a crazy hipster boyfriend, make him a rhubarb pie. Why? Because rhubarb pie is an old thing, rarely seen in stores and bakeries today. It also involves an acquired taste (it’s gross), so only the coolest kids will enjoy rhubarb pie.

In deciding what kind of snack/af-

A SLICE OF LIFE

CRUST CAPERS AND PIE PILFERING MIKE PALLOTTA

SPAIN HAS PAELLA, BRAZIL HAS THIS PIE ASSISTANT ART DIRECTOR

or Robin Hood tossing a pouch of gold to a bearded commoner. I’d come in pie upon pie, and me and my parents would taste test each one, until we became pie experts, Piexperts. By the end of summer I knew exactly which pies to pilfer and which to leave behind. My favorite pie was the coveted Snickers pie. It was basically a big round Snickers bar laid on top of Oreo cookie crust. But if I were to impart on you my biggest finding, and granted, it’s a general one, it’s that you can’t go wrong with a berry pie—any kind of berry: blueberry, strawberry, boysenberry, blackberry, raspberry, razzleberry, etc. And one other piece of advice, if you’re going to Polly’s Pies (any one of them), only order the pie. Their food is terrible.

now you toss some Granny Smith apples into a cinnamon-infused mix and envelope it in some sort of crust that will be crispy post-baking, you’re good. Cut a generous slice of this warm Mona Lisa you just created, top it off with a hefty helping of Vanilla Bean ice cream, and serve. And this isn’t some “Ay, yo bitch, make me a pie and do the dishes while I watch TV” thing.

Fuck that! Cut yourself a piece and enjoy it with him! Just remember that nothing else in the world matters when you two are enjoying a freshly baked pie together. Don’t answer the door or talk on the phone. Fuck those interrupters. It’s all about your significant other and delicious pie right now.

A TASTE OF BRAZIL GABE FERREIRA

UNION STAFFER

Pies. They’re better than cake. I didn’t fully realize this until my first job at Polly’s Pies over in Los Alamitos. It was the summer I turned 17, before my senior year, and I was lucky enough to get a job walking distance from my house. My time there was short, and I was never a pie-dealer, or a piemaker, I was merely a pie-moocher. I’d often work nights and at the end of the shift we’d close shop and clean up. Clean up would include tossing all the pies into a garbage bag, but if I asked nicely or was stealthy enough, I’d run across the four busy lanes of Katella Ave. with an armload of pies. If I had gotten hit, an early 90s Nickelodeon show would’ve exploded on the driver’s windshield.

But I made it safely home every time.

Each night I came back with pies was a joy. I was Aladdin stealing a loaf of bread,

ter dinner pie you should bake, there are probably about 100 different types. It depends on a few factors, but honestly the weather is probably the most important. A fresh baked pie on a cold December evening with a lady friend? Fuck yes, please.

To achieve the fullest wintry evening pie effect, closely observe the next points.

If you happen to be overwhelmed by the possibilities of which type of delicious pie to bake, just go with the classic: apple pie. Rarely will you ever go wrong by sticking with this timeless masterpiece. There are hardly any limits to what constitutes an “apple pie,” so if later on you want to experiment, go for it. As long as for right

Illustration

CHELSEA STEVENS OPINIONS EDITOR

The best kind of pie is not pumpkin, pecan, or a fruit pie. It’s tuna pie. It might sound strange at first, but wait until you try some. I guarantee your world will change for the better. Growing up in Brazil, tuna pie was constantly present at my family’s dinner table, and I have never found any other kind of pie that was able to match its deliciousness. Imagine a thin crust topped with tuna fish, corn, onions, tomatoes and spices, and you got yourself a pie few Americans have ever even heard of. Sorry if I just made you hungry. This Thanksgiving, do your taste buds (and your family) a favor and bake some tuna pie. Trust me, it’s bomb.

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15 NOVEMBER 2010

LITERATURE

WRITING FOR SUPERMAN AN INTERVIEW WITH JOSHUA WILLIAMSON, COMIC BOOK WRITER MIKE PALLOTTA UNION STAFFER

“

Kickstart Comics’ Endangered, art by Juan Santacruz

W

ouldn’t it be awesome to make a career out of putting words in Batman’s mouth? Well, guys like Josh Williamson have found a way to do just that. Williamson is an up-and-coming writer who, for the past few years, has been making a name for himself by creating new content at Image Comics. With such books as Dear Dracula, a children’s comic about a boy obsessed with Dracula; Johnny Monster, which follows an action hero who saves the human race from attacking monsters; and Overlook, a pulp crime book in the style of 100 Bullets or Sin City, Williamson has shown the comic book industry his creative versatility.

In the past month alone, he’s been published by both Marvel and DC with a backup story in Marvel’s Incredible Hulks #614 and an issue all to himself of DC’s Superman/Batman—#77, which follows Supergirl and the new Robin (Batman’s son, Damian Wayne) on their first adventure together. But while picking up freelance work from the two biggest publishers out there, Williamson has been working on two new original graphic novels for Kickstart Comics, Mirror, Mirror (due out November 20th) and Endangered. Williamson took time away from scripting your favorite heroes to talk about his past, present, and future works.

Union Weekly: Which was a larger priority for you prior to getting your first gig in writing comics, networking within the industry or honing your craft?

Joshua Williamson: I wish I could say honing my craft, but at first it was networking. I spent a few years working on networking and just winging it with the writing, but I’d say after I self-published my first few comics I realized I was making a mistake and took a step back to focus on my writing. This worked out because I eventually got published in larger formats and was able to start getting pro work. I’m still working on the craft part, UNION WEEKLY

15 NOVEMBER 2010

Most of my creator-owned ideas come to me on the toilet, but the DC and Marvel stuff usually is in the shower.

”

but really they are both a balancing act. You need to get good and get out there.

UW: How much input does the artist have on a comic you script?

JW: Sometimes with the larger companies I never even talk to the artist. But with my creator-owned stuff I usually run a lot of ideas by the artist when I’m in the page breakdown stage. I like it when the artist is really involved in the process. When I give them the scripts I ask that they tell me if they have any questions or comments, anything, to let me know. I want to hear it. If they have a good point or a better idea, I don’t hesitate to make the change. It’s a collaboration, and I want the best book possible.

Like with Dear Dracula, [artist] Vinny [Navarrete] and I worked hand in hand on that script, but with something like Mirror, Mirror, I worked with the editors at Kickstart and then handed it off to the artist, Lee Moder, who started drawing, but whenever Lee had questions he shot me an email and we talked about it.

UW: With the widening potential of the medium, do you find yourself changing your writing technique for new audiences?

JW: No, I just write what I like and I find entertaining. I try not to think of the audience too much. If I do then I start second guessing myself. I just write for myself and my friends.

UW: Where do you find yourself coming up with more of your ideas, the toilet or the shower?

JW: That’s funny. Most of my creator-

owned ideas come to me on the toilet, but the DC and Marvel stuff usually is in the shower.

I keep a notebook with me at all times because I get a lot of ideas while out and about. I usually only sit at the computer when it’s time to get it all typed up.

UW: If you could kill off one major superhero, who would it be and why?

JW: Oh, I have no idea. There are not really any characters I feel the need to kill off. I don’t hate any of them, I just hate the bad stories or bad writing placed upon them. It’s not their fault if a bad creative team is working with them. Every major superhero deserves a great story, some just haven’t had it yet.

I didn’t like Supergirl after she started her own book, but then Sterling Gates took over and it’s been good. I wasn’t that much of a fan of Damian [Wayne] and didn’t like the idea of him being Robin, but once I read Batman and Robin #1 by Grant Morrison I knew it was the right thing to do.

And now after writing them both together I think they’re great.

So I’ll say let’s just kill off bad writing, okay? Or… okay… maybe… Deadpool.

UW: Your graphic novel Mirror, Mirror is due out this week in comic shops and in Walmarts across the nation, what’s the book about?

JW: At the end of the Snow White fairy tale we never heard what happened to the Magic Mirror. In Mirror, Mirror we learn that the Magic Mirror was manipulating the evil stepmother to cause everything bad that happened. After the fairy tale was over, Snow White destroyed the mirror and scattered the pieces throughout the world to stop it from ever being put back together.

There is a secret society called the Huntsmen whose job it’s been to protect those pieces. The Grimm Brothers were members who wrote their fairy tales as clues as to where the pieces were hidden and how to find to them again.

But now a member of the Huntsmen has betrayed them and is starting to rebuild the mirror using these clues. The newest member, Owen Grimm, is trying to stop that from happening. Imagine if Indiana Jones and Lara Croft got married and had a kid.

And this kid turned out to be a total screwup, that’s Owen.

Essentially it’s National Treasure meets Grimm’s Fairy Tales. I’ve always been a big fan of adventure stories, like the Indiana Jones films and National Treasure, so I wanted to create something like that.

It’s written by me, with amazing pages by the great Lee Moder, and all wrapped up in a great cover by some guy named Darwyn Cooke. It’s a family adventure book that I think anyone can enjoy.

UW: Your sci-fi book, Endangered, is due out December 29th. What’s it about?

JW: It’s about two brothers who find out their dad is a space hero, but only after he is kidnapped by an evil race of beings called the Decay. They are picked up by his space ship and told to complete his last mission: rescue a young woman named Caysea, the last of a dying race.

It’s a lot like The Last Starfighter except with two brothers fighting for the position of the new space hero. They want to save their dad, but they must save the girl first.

UW: When approaching the sci-fi genre, do you feel the need to do something completely new?

JW: Yes, but that’s tough. Not to say it’s all been done, but there are a lot of sci-fi stories out there. Not to say there is nothing new, but really now I think you just need to put your own spin on things.

UW: Do you feel like Marvel and DC give you as much creative control as you like, or do you feel like you’re still working towards killing off Deadpool?

JW: I’m still working toward that freedom. They’ve both been great to work with, and I’m very happy with the work I’ve done so far, but I’m still waiting for bigger projects that will allow me to really spread my wings and to kill off bad writing… and Deadpool.

DC and Marvel are very creator friendly, at least for me, and have allowed me to do a lot. So far there have been a lot of times I didn’t think they’d let me do something and they still did.

UW: How much of writing comics is just sitting around thinking of the coolest shit you possibly can?

JW: About 50%. The rest is getting it all down on paper and making it work.

You can have a great concept that is the coolest shit ever, but the execution has to be just as strong.

COMICS

DEATH IS AWESOME

PJ KNEISEL UNION STAFFER

JARED BLUNK CONTRIBUTOR

COMMANDER

JANTZEN PEAK UNION STAFFER

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COMICS EDITOR

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CHRIS FABELA

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HELPFUL TIPS

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Whats up with imitation crab?! Either you’re a crab or you’re not!

MASTER

ANSWERS

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My usual crab salad with imitation crab.

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CRABBY TIMES

CONTRIBUTOR

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TERRIBLE TWOS

MASTER

LILI KHANMALEK

15 NOVEMBER 2010

Disclaimer:

This page is satire. We are not ASI, nor do we represent the CSULB campus. Anyway, let me know if you have any question or concerns or anything. Send them to jeffbridges.grun@gmail.com, then go to hell.

Volume 67 Issue 12

Monday, November 15th, 2010

LBUNION.COM

Jeff Bridges, Actor Presents: Grunion Around Town

BY JEFF BRIDGES, ACTOR Hey so the other day I decided to be a serious reporter and find out what is happening on the STREETS and get the scoops from the people that make the scoops. The people. Alright whatever, here’s what happened when I HIT THE STREETS. PEACE. Unintentional Hipster Popular local youth Kent Jeffries was walking around the street one day. He had a cool hipster style that I’ve been looking to ape for a while to add on to my other syles e.g. biker, metal, ‘50s greaser, ‘50s poodle skirt girl etc. Wanting to get some tips on how to be cool (cooler) I stopped him and demanded to know his secrets. Unfortunately the dork had no idea about anything. I asked about his blog, his response? Look: “Oh yeah I love blog. Hm? Oh, I’m sorry, I thought blog was the name of Shrek’s house. That’s a funny movie.” I was frustrated, but it could have been a fluke. I decided to ask about indie darlings Sleigh Bells.

“Oh yeah I love sleigh bells,” Jeffries replied “I just heard them a few months ago. Hm? Oh sorry, I thought you meant the actual bells, I hadn’t heard them before.

Very beautiful.”

This conversation went on for a while. Turns out Jeffries is not cool at all, but only wears thick rimmed glasses, tight jeans, and old plaid shirts because he is extremely poor and his parents died. He was being raised by his uncle, who is now in prison. His uncle’s nickname in prison is “skinny jeans” so don’t even ask him about that one. A very frustrating encounter.

Synecdoche Misunderstander I saw another fine looking gentleman that looked like he might have been a cool, friend kind of guy that I might like to hang out with. When I brought up my normal ice-breaker topic: rap and hip-hop music, it turned out the guy didn’t understand synecdoche. That old chestnut. Could you believe it?

The dork didn’t understand it when part of a thing represents the whole. I’m getting so enraged typing this holy shit. Okay, I’m back. I deleted everything on my computer because I was so mad.

They won’t let me delete Word Pad so here we are, I guess.

The guy just didn’t get it, he couldn’t grasp why a rapper would want to put a cap in someone’s butthole. I tried to explain him that he had to see the metaphor in it, that in fact the rapper was using synecdoche. The whole thing is basically the artist trying to tell the offender to shut up, because putting a cap in someone’s ass is basically like plugging them up i.e. shutting their ass up i.e. shutting their mouth up because of the shit it spews out.

I said, “Jeez could someone give me a hand here??” You see, I was trying to get someone to help me, but I was using the reference to a person’s hand to represent this help, a very clear example of synecdoche. The Synecdoche Misunderstander had no clue what was going on, and before I knew it, he was handing me a severed hand. “Here we go again!” I said.

So me and the Synecdoche Misunderstander had a bunch of adventures, and in the end, we learned the power of friendship as well as the power of literary devices. And isn’t that the most important lesson of all? No shut up.

Safety Man Okay at this point I was getting seriously frustrated and that’s when I slip into my rage comas. Alright, I throw myself in front of a car so people would feel sorry for me.

Whatever, get over it. Anyway this guy who I named Safety Man (the most insulting name I could think of at the time) comes up and tries to save my life like an idiot. “Oh yeah come here I’m going to do CPR on you,” says the guy.

I pushed him away because he was not attractive enough to put his mouth anywhere on me, much less my mouth which is one of my top 5 orifices.

Anyway he kept my heart pumping long enough for the paramedics to come and save my life. Unacceptable. So mark my words Safety Man: I will find you when you need me most, and I will save your god damn life. I will do CPR on you so good. I could perform CPR on your butt and you’d still be revived. You’re going to be thankful as hell.

Watch your back.

Long Hair Girl

I was sitting behind a girl at the movies once and her hair was so long it almost touched my shoe and I almost didn’t barf. Meaning I did barf.

She got up and they turned off the movie (which sucked anyway, the movie was called 127 hours and it only took James Franco like two hours to cut off only one arm like how much longer is it gonna take he’s only got 3 more limbs left).

When she was leaving and glaring at me, I saw she was one of those Wicca witches.

Since I had just vomited and I was low on electrolytes, I started having a brainstorm (the good

kind). When I have low electrolytes I always get my best ideas.

This is a well-known fact (check Wikipedia). I thought it would be cool if she had a t-shirt that said, “I’m a frickin’ Wiccan, baby, I’m about to have me some fun.” I feel like this could be a big seller so please don’t steal the idea and instead start emailing me some money. Thanks in advance.

Voice Mail Voice Man

I met a guy and all he did was talk like he was leaving a message to me. “Hey buddy. Just wondering, you know, if you had the chance, you could move out of the middle of the street? Thank.

Just, you’re blocking my car. Anyway, let me know if you can. Bye,” he said. He was the worst guy I’ve ever met but all of a sudden I was doing the voice too. I was saying things in a really long, drawn out way, and I was saying “let me know,” and “aaanyway,” a whole lot.

I got really popular though, everyone thought I was cool. I guess I seemed like a laid-back, fun actor.

People kept talking like I was talking and I’m fairly certain it will take over the world very soon like in that movie The Thing right before Kurt Russel’s Hat And Beard poured his drink on his computer friend.

The E-Courager

Seeing all these horrible people somehow become contributing members of society was sobering at first, but it gave me a plan. I’m gonna power up my internet crystal, then log into the internet under the guise of The E-Courager. Here’s the plan, I’m gonna sign online and go to all the places with the worst people on

the net and I’m going to encourage the shit out of their indefensible behavior. “Hey I’m not sure what a animes is but that sure is an attractive young lady you have there,” I’ll say to an idiot internet guy. “Hey Facebook friends, these are some fantastic updates.

Cool opinions all around!” By ecouraging these horrible humans, they will believe in themselves, and eventually the world will be run by these dumbasses with high self-esteem.

As their mentor, I will be given a ton of money and a ton of power and I will live a life of privilege. I will have people do my bidding and then pay off the cops when I want to do a murder. Anyway, I feel like this will work. As I am dying, I will call all of my powerful friends that I have mentored over the years and I will say “I could not be more proud of you all. You truly have created a better world of filth and scum… YEAH RIIIIIIIIIII” and I won’t even finish the word “right” I’ll just hold the word until I die. This massive burn will basically diss the entire world as we know it and soon society will be in shambles. Stay tuned for that to happen. So long, assholes.

Honorable Mention My New Buddy: Hairiest Rubman (cool nickname I thought of for him).