Issue 72.07
Vincent Chavez, Editor-in-Chief editorinchief@lbunion.com Colleen Brown, Managing Editor colleen.union@gmail.com Gabe Ferreira, Managing Editor gabe.union@gmail.com Marco Beltran, Senior Editor marcob.union@gmail.com Michael Wood, Opinions Editor opinions@lbunion.com Brianne Schaer, News Director news@lbunion.com John Villanueva, Music Editor music@lbunion.com Connor O’Brien, Entertainment Editor entertainment@lbunion.com Wes Verner, Literature Editor literature@lbunion.com Colleen Brown, Culture Editor culture@lbunion.com
Vin’s Two Cents Letters to and from the Editor
Rose Feduk, Comics Editor comic@lbunion.com Duchess of Spain, Grunion Editor grunion@lbunion.com Gabe Ferreira, Art Director gabe.union@gmail.com Brian Mark, Art Director brianmark.union@gmail.com Connor O’Brien, Photo Editor connor.union@gmail.com Nichole Daniels, Illustration Editor nichole.union@gmail.com Leo Portugal, Web Manager web@lbunion.com Eric Garcia, Advertising Executive advertising@lbunion.com Assitant Editors: Camile Hove, Ingrid Rosales, Tanya Paz, Tyre Jones, Sierra Patheal, Katie Healy Staffers/Contributors: Joseph Phillips, Jon Bolin, Ben Novotny, Amy Patton, Rachel Clare, Wes Young, Mariha Lowe, Christy Bonham, Roque Renteria, Alia Sabino, Irene Thaiss, Nathan Moore, Eddie Viramontes, Tony Bozanic, Chris Fabela, Nayeli Carrillo, Joseph Estrada, Matthew Vitalich, Abraham Alapisco, Greg Krish, Jalem Maboudi, Rebecca Pincolini Disclaimer and Publication Information: The Union Weekly is published using ad money and partial funding provided by the Associated Students, Inc. All Editorials are the opinions of the Union weekly, not ASI or CSULB. All students are welcome and encouraged to be a part of the Union Weekly staff. All letters to the editor will be considered for publication. However, CSULB students will have precedence. Please include name and major for all submissions. They are subject to editing and will not be returned. Letters may or may not be edited for grammar, spelling, punctuation, and length. The Union Weekly will publish anonymous letters, articles, editorials, and illustration, but must have your name and information attached for our records. Letters to the editor should be no longer than 500 words. The Union Weekly assumes no responsibility, nor is it liable, for claims of its advertisers. Grievance procedures Questions? Comments? Queens? CA 90815. E-mail: info@lbunion.com
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Vincent Chavez Editor-in-Chief As you may have read last week, I was in New York over the weekend. What you didn’t read was how terrified I was leaving the paper in the hands of my deranged staff. And wouldn’t you know, I leave for one weekend and the whole paper turns to filth. Not only did they trash the office, but they also soiled my reputation. I mean they illustrated me with a scrote beard. People should know I don’t look like that, so I have taken the above photos of myself. My staff ’s behavior was completely disrespectful and I’ve since fired everyone and replaced them all with cardboard cutouts of my favorite celebrities. So far it’s been smooth sailing with my cut-outs of Beyoncé, Amy Poehler, Andrew Garfield, RuPaul, Ben Schwartz, Azealia Banks, Danny DeVito, Jennifer Lawrence, Maggie Smith, and the Pokémon Jynx. Though I did get into a heated debate with Beyoncé over who respected who more. Anyway, my cardboard staff and I have put together an issue that we can be proud of, and we’re starting it with a letter from a concerned reader. To the mailroom! Hello, I am writing in reference to your most recent Point/Counterpoint article: “PC vs. Mac.” Let me begin by saying that I prefer computers that run Windows OS. Now you might think, why not just say PC? And that, good sir/madam, is the purpose of my email. The term PC stands for personal
computer—that’s it. It does not stand for a computer that runs Windows or Linux or any other specific OS. To quote Wikipedia, “A personal computer (PC) is any generalpurpose computer whose size, capabilities, and original sales price make it useful for individuals, and which is intended to be operated directly by an end-user with no intervening computer operator. This contrasted with the batch processing or timesharing models which allowed larger, more expensive minicomputer and mainframe systems to be used by many people, usually at the same time.” Not only do I feel Ms. Patheal’s article did a poor job of defending non-Macs, she consistently referred to her own computer as a PC. This is not incorrect, it’s simply inaccurate as it fails to acknowledge that Macs are PCs too. Overpriced, quasi-useless PCs. Thank you. Yessica Gomez You make a good point, Ms. Gomez: neither article mentions that Macs are in fact personal computers. One possible reason for this egregious oversight is that every computer user in the world knows, on the most basic, literal level, that Macs are personal computers. Though we know Macs are personal computers, we also recognize that they are somehow not PCs. How did we come to this conclusion, you might ask? The
most significant factor contributing to the shift was Apple’s re-branding for the Mac, specifically its “I’m a Mac” ads, which established the differences between what a Mac and a PC are to the general public. Ms. Patheal points out a number of these differences in her article (i.e. Macs come with features limited to their user’s needs, their preset controls are intuitive, they are sleek and expensive). What I’m getting at is that the term PC has been altered by Apple to mean any personal computer that is not a Mac. I will concede that the article may have been slightly more accurate if it were titled “I’m a Mac”/“I’m a Non-Mac,” but it just wouldn’t have had that same panache, ya know? My other point of contention is that you accuse Ms. Patheal of doing a “poor job of defending non-Macs” (which is to say PCs), but then offer no evidence to support your criticism. Personally, I found her argument incredibly convincing. Perhaps if you’d focused more on her argument (PC’s customizability over Mac’s aesthetics) instead of quibbling over semantics (MACS ARE PCS!!!!!!!!!!), you might have learned something. Good day to you sir/madam, Vincent Chavez P.S. To quote Wikipedia, “A person who quotes Wikipedia as a valid source is a basic-ass Muggle.”
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OPINIONS
Union Weekly—4 March 2013
Illustration by Eduardo Viramontes Union Staffer
Why Tea Party darling Marco Rubio won’t be president
Ben Novotny Union Staffer
I have some sad news for all you Republicans on campus. Marco Rubio will never be President. It has nothing to do with his awkward drinking of water during his rebuttal to the President’s State of The Union, although it does show that the junior senator from Florida is not ready for prime time. The Daily Beast writes that Rubio looked like a nervous substitute teacher when he quickly went to the left to get his water and drank it. Go on YouTube and judge for yourself. No, the reason why Senator Rubio will never become President Rubio is because he voted against the reauthorization of The Violence Against Women Act. It doesn’t matter that Rubio is a child of Cuban immigrants who could appeal to Latino voters or that he’s from the crucial swing state of Florida. By voting against
general election because either he’ll be up against popular former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton or current VicePresident Joe Biden. I honestly cannot see how female voters would vote for a guy who voted against the Violence Against Women Act over the guy who wrote the bill or the potential first female President of the United States. So if you’re a Republican and you see the current Time Magazine cover with Rubio on it saying he’s the savior of the party, don’t buy into it. He’s not the savior of the party. If he’s nominated, he’s the guy that’s going to make the Republicans lose their 3rd presidential election in a row.
the Violence Against Women Act, Rubio has killed his chances with women voters and thus destroyed his opportunity to ever become the next leader of the free world. Written by then-Delaware Senator and current Vice-President Joe Biden, the 1993 law strengthens federal penalties against repeat sex offenders, makes sure victims of rape do not have to pay for their own rape exams, and ensures that victims of domestic violence and their families get the services they need. The law even established the National Domestic Hotline, which receives over 22,000 calls a month and is the first number women call when caught in a situation of domestic violence. Rubio and the 21 other Senate Republicans who voted against the reauthorization of the bill said they did so because they didn’t want to expand it
to apply to undocumented workers and members of the LGBT community. I think that’s a very lame excuse. To me a vote for or against the Violence Against Women Act is a black and white situation, either you are for protecting women from domestic violence, or you are against it, and Rubio’s vote shows that he is against it. I say that Rubio killed his presidential chances with that vote because it is women voters that decide who the President is. Did you know that President Obama won re-election even though he lost among male voters by seven points? He was able to make up that loss by winning female voters by 11 points, and female voters make up a greater share of the electorate than male voters. If Rubio wins the GOP nomination in 2016 there’s no way he’ll win the
Adventures on Craigslist As a musician, you must be wise with your spending. On top of the fact that most gear you want will be out of your reach, you must also take into account the fact that as a musician, you will likely live a life of poverty until you eventually die alone. That’s why Craigslist has become a haven for poor musicians. Besides being able to cop gear at prices lower than Guitar Center, you can sometimes find vintage and/or hard to find pieces that are impossible to find elsewhere. Problem is, most of the posts on Craigslist are shit that is overpriced and terrible quality. I was looking for a new crash cymbal, and there were so many posts selling entry-level garbage at inflated sizes. As a drummer, B20 cymbals are top shelf. They’re the ones that professionals use. They also run for $300+. So why would I want to buy a B8, which is basically a garbage can for $200. Don’t get me wrong, Craigslist is the place
to go for good gear, but they are hiding between posts of people selling cheap shit for a quick buck. Those posts are always the most obnoxious as well. “I’m selling a top of the line cymbal set, these ZBT cymbals sound great as a set and I’m selling them for cheap, only $500.” First off, shut your fucking mouth. I would rather play my newborn than play on those. Secondly, you can get a new ZBT set for around $300 if you go to a locally owned music store. These are only the terrible examples though. I’ve gotten a top of the line ride cymbal for $150 and a Fender P Bass in good condition for $200, so if you are willing to wade through the terrible deals, you’ll be able to find something great to tickle your fancy. Okay I’ve gotten through my spiel on the music section, now here are my feelings on the rest of Craigslist. Everyone on this section, buyers
and sellers are insane and should be incarcerated in titanium cells lined with spikes and needles tipped in cyanide, that are on fire. There are some creepiest things being peddled on Craigslist. Confederate paraphernalia, random bones, favors (sexual and otherwise) and actual needles tipped in cyanide. The language of the posts lend themselves to the notion that the writer is some form of sociopath, expecting you to not only want to buy the item, but to worship the seller of said item for being gracious enough to present their possibly haunted doo-dads. I’ve found people selling back scratching services for $100. I can scratch my own back. They have back scratchers at CVS. I can literally buy a hundred back scratchers with that money. Now Hemingway is one of my favorite authors, so once I decided to use his (now contested) “baby shoes” story as
John Villanueva Music Editor
an ad. For those of you who don’t know, Hemingway was once bet that he couldn’t write a sad story in under 10 words. The writer, famous for his brevity wrote in response “For sale, baby shoes, never worn.” Naturally he won the bet. I thought it would be a funny, useless ad to humor the browsers that ultimately contributes nothing to this existence and only does more to clog the interwebs, because I’m an asshole. Anyways, I published the ad, and you know what? A lot of people want to buy craigslist ad baby shoes (and a lot of people want to know what happened to the baby). Thankfully I didn’t leave a number for someone to track and murder me. Oh internet, you so crazy.
Union Weekly—4 March 2013
On the Daily
OPINIONS
5
The reality behind our personal care products
Jalem Maboudi Contributor
Do you ever come across one of your soaps, shampoos or laundry detergents and wonder what the heck is in them? Can you even understand one of the ingredients found on the back of these labels? My chemistry class only taught me so much and I have yet to make friends with any Bio-Chem majors that would give me the time of day to discuss the ingredients found in my personal care and household products (if they even knew half of them anyway). I got fed up with my lack of knowledge regarding the dozens of products I apply to my skin and ingest into my lungs. So, I did what any one else does when they want to know more about things that matter to them I researched them. I focused my research on the development of cosmetic and home “good” products we habitually consume and here’s a little of what I came to find. For starters, pre-Industrial Revolution, before manufacturing facilities provided local stores with many of our common products, a majority of American households had to produce their own food, clothing and many of their common supplies. During this period we were still living off the land. Men were responsible for tending the farm and women pretty much took care of everything else. There were no grocery stores around to supply households with many of our common personal care and household products we use today. Mommy and daddy had it rough. But everything changed with the evolution of advanced technologies and
bit of anxiety? But you end up engaging in that regretful activity anyway? That’s cognitive dissonance at work. It’s the experience in which we either engage or withdraw from an activity to relieve those feelings of anger, guilt and anxiety. We pick up and light that cigarette or eat those french fries to alleviate the tension. We give in. In the case of household goods and cosmetics, we straight up deny the fact that these eighty-five some odd ingredients on the back of our products can inhibit our health. But don’t freak out! Every single product on the market is not toxic or harmful to your health! And now that I’ve got your attention it’s time to do something about our god-awful habits. Good news: we don’t have to resort to Pre-Industrial Revolution lifestyles again. Even better news: alternative products exist, they are similar in price and they are super easy to adopt. We can still use body soaps and shampoos; and yes ladies there’s hope for alternative make-ups too. Do you and your families a life saving favor and look up the products you currently use. There’s a number of websites that allow you type in your various cosmetic and household products to observe their toxicity ratings. Trust me, I’ve looked into it. You don’t have to google each ingredient on the back of every single product you consume. And while you’re on those sites, feel free to look into alternative products that won’t cut your life short with cancers and disease. Besides, what the hell do you have to lose?
major manufacturing facilities upon the Industrial Revolution. Mass production of efficient and affordable products were on the market and in high demand. Toothpaste?! Shampoo? Toilet paper? Everything could now be found in convenience stores. It was an incredible time in history that marked the birth of commercial manufacturing in both hygienic and household products (amongst many other industries). Given advanced hygienic and home care products being offered at reasonable prices, American families would have been out of their minds not to take advantage of such accessible means that assisted in saving both time and money. It was only a matter of time until all of our home goods were purchased from local stores- leaving the fate of our personal care and household products in the hands of mass producers. But a lot’s changed since the Industrial Revolution. We now live in a world that revolves around health and beauty (oh, and family values). And we rely on our local big-box stores to supply us with the very products to keep us looking and smelling fresh. But somewhere along the way the producers of these products, whom we so faithfully trust, found that it would be economically sound to focus more on the sales of their products rather than the toxicity or safety of their own cosmetic and home goods (hmmm….). Many of these household and personal care products have been formed/created without adequate safety tests and experiments.
Day after day we expose ourselves to deoderants and anti-perspirants with ingredients like aluminum, which although very functional, have been linked to breast cancer (among other diseases). Our paper products -including toilet paper, tampons, napkins and paper towels- are bleached with chlorine which contain dioxins known to increase the risk of cancers, birth defects and heart disease. Truth hurts, but our body soaps, lotions, cosmetic makeups and shampoos are a toxic waste dump with which we so passionately apply onto our bodies’ every-single-day. So how did this all happen? Is there another type of conspiracy theory going on? The truth is many of these manufacturing giants have neglected the adoption of the precautionary principle; a “precept that an action should not be taken if the consequences are uncertain and potentially dangerous” as defined by the Food and Drug Administration (F.D.A). The very ingredients that are aimed in providing health benefits and assistance with personal hygiene are in fact toxic and poisoning us, ON THE DAILY. We come into contact with harmful products everyday, yet we never look into researching the ingredients found on these labels even though they may be destructive to our health; and there’s a reason for that. Psychologists use the term “cognitive dissonance” to describe this phenomenon. You ever have that feeling when you want to do something that you know is bad for you (like smoking cigarettes or eating junk food) and you start to get a little angry, or get that feeling of guilt or even a
The Wile E. Coyote Congress Falling into a trap we’ve set for ourselves again and again The sequester. The name itself elicits groans and sighs from policy wonks from Maine to San Diego. I will keep this short because I feel like I’ve written this article before. Probably because I have. On this page I love to talk about all things economic and political. At this point though, it is simply tiring and exhausting to realize that not only are our elected representatives in Congress so completely incompetent that they cannot solve basic problems that we have encountered before but they actually cannot solve problems that they have intentionally created in an effort to force themselves to solve greater problems.
The sequester is a legislative tool, created by President Barack Obama and the bipartisan leadership in Congress, in an attempt to force a sense of urgency to make real budget cuts in a safe and sane manner. This was implemented along with the debt ceiling bill in 2011 in hopes of forcing the federal government to create real budget cuts to combat the problem of the growing federal deficit. The ideal function of the sequestration would be that arbitrary spending cuts across the board would be so unpalatable to both parties that they would be forced to cooperate, compromise and find a solution to the growing debt in this
country. But unfortunately, our elected representatives, with the grace, poise and wisdom that we would expect from a politician, have fallen into a hole that they dug themselves. In a manner resembling Wile E. Coyote, we came up with an elaborate plan only to hurt ourselves in the process. This seems to be becoming an American tradition. While the sequestration cuts are not all bad, it still paints a far more disturbing picture of American political culture that worries me deeply. While I do not mind spending cuts at the already bloated Pentagon, which will be subject to 50% of the total cuts, I am honestly afraid that our
Michael Wood Opinions Editor senators and congressmen of both parties might somehow be more incompetent than we can possibly fathom. I worry that the nature of politics in America is entering an era rife with completely inept politicians, a body electorate forced into apathy with the lack of a real choice in political ideology, and worst of all, a rapid decay in all of our institutions. If we do not turn this around quickly, break the two party monopoly, kick out the incompetent one-hit wonder politicians and finally make some structural changes to the way that economic policy is determined in this nation, we may fail to be a great nation in our near future.
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NEWS
Union Weekly—4 March 2013
From Victim to Survivor Raising awareness for sexual abuse education Ben Novotny Union Staffer
Outspoken sexual abuse survivors Angela Rose, Founder and Executive Director of the national nonprofit Promoting Awareness, Victim Empowerment (PAVE), and Erin Merryn, Glamour Magazine’s 2012 Woman of the Year, spoke at the Long Beach Memorial Hospital last Friday in order to bring awareness to the child sexual abuse epidemic taking place across this country. According to the U.S. Department of Justice, one in six boys and one in four girls will become victims of sexual abuse
before they reach adulthood. Not only can this cause victims much pain and suffering later in life, but it can also cost them an estimated combined total of $450 billion a year when medical costs, lost quality of life, and medical costs are considered. When she was just seventeen, Rose was kidnapped at knifepoint at a Chicago shopping mall and experienced sexual assault at the hands of her kidnapper. After eventually being let go by the perpetrator, Rose founded PAVE in February of 2001 as a response to the lack of activism in combating sexual violence. Merryn was raped when she was just six years old and faced sexual abuse at the hands of a teenage cousin from the ages of 11 to 13. She is the sponsor of Erin’s Law, which requires schools to teach children how to protect themselves against sexual predators and the difference between safe and unsafe touching as well as the difference between safe and unsafe secrets. “It teaches children [that] you don’t
keep that secret if someone is touching you in the areas that your swimsuit covers you,” said Merryn. Rather than pass it nationally all at once through Congress, Merryn has taken Erin’s Law state by state in order to gain support for it.The law has been passed in five states, including Merryn’s home state of Illinois, with similar legislation pending in at least seven other states. “What I’ve learned in my research on Erin’s Law in California is Erin’s Law already exists here, [but] nobody is enforcing it,” said Merryn. “That is why we are here to talk to everybody. We need to enforce this.” PAVE Ambassador and Real World star Sarah Rice also spoke last Friday about the importance of sexual abuse education. “The journey from victim to survivor is a long journey,” said Rice. “It starts with education and it starts with having a support system in place when something does happen. The only way that can really happen is if the education is there.”
Shootin’ the Shit with the Execs A column so massive that it cannot be contained in a column Jon Bolin ASI Vice President Hey there 49ers! Long time, no read! Everyone in John’s and my administration has been working real hard to make sure we are doing the most to hear out student concerns and to do the best for CSULB! John & I have been doing our Real Talk Townhall meetings in the Nugget and we have been connecting with a ton of students! Remember they are held on the first Tuesday and third Wednesday of each month at 2pm at the Nugget. We listen to every idea, concern, and critique, and we make sure we respond by doing something about it. Currently, ASI is working on a ton of things. We just wrapped up our 25 $1,000 scholarships for students and we got a ton of applications! The John & Jon Scholarship is in full force, and our last one will open up in April (you’ll hear more about it later); we are giving more than $3,000 of our own salaries back to the students. Who has noticed that really tall, white, phallic symbol-type building looming
over the deadly staircase by the science buildings? Well that is a bell tower, except it hasn’t wrung (is that a word?) in more than 20 years! [Editor’s Note: Yes, “wrung” is a word. It’s the past tense of “wring,” as in, “I wrung out my towel.” The word Jon is looking for is “rung.”] We plan to change that. As I type these words, we are working on getting that ol’ SOB ringing again at least once a day. Also, we are bringing a Farmer’s Market to campus in mid-March, so get ready to buy all kinds of awesome, healthy, delicious foods for your nasty apartment that still has leftover pizza from last month. You know how college students pretend to like jazz so they can get laid by other people who pretend to find listening to jazz attractive? Well, I’ve been working on bringing jazz to the Nugget, and it worked! Starting March 14, there will be live jazz in the Nugget every Thursday at 6pm. You can have yourself a beer or a glass of wine (or
both) and listen to some great live jazz (or you can drink a soda, prudes). Oh yeah, remember that whole Prop 30 thing? Well, thanks to its passing, our college is not going to turn into a shithole. But the fight isn’t over. We need to make sure the California State Legislature keeps funding the CSU. If you want to sit down face-to-face with your assemblyperson/ senator you can come with ASI to CHESS on April 6-8! It’s only $25 and that includes bus to Sacramento, hotel, AND some food! A great deal! Come with us and yell at your legislature (“speak with them calmly”). If this interests you then get off your bum and come into USU 311 or call 562-985-5241 to get an application. As always, you can reach me in my office in USU 311 (I’m always here: I sleep here, I eat here, I’ll most likely die here), or email me at jonathon.bolin@csulb.edu! I’m open to any concerns, criticisms, ideas, etc. Just talk to me! No one ever talks to me! Bye.
Sierra Patheal Assistant Editor “Find and Secure an Internship BEFORE You Graduate!” Workshop CSULB Career Development Center Internship Coordinator Erin BoothCaro will be hosting a workshop on the most effective strategies for finding and securing internships at the Golden Key International Honour Society general meeting on Tuesday, March 5th, 3:30p.m.-4:30p.m. The meeting is open to all students, and food will be provided along with lots of valuable information. Come on by for tips on applying to that all-important summer internship! Visiting Writers Series The English Department’s Visiting Writers series will be hosting CSULB English Master of Fine Arts alumna Christina Adams on March 7th at 7p.m. in the Soroptimist House. Adams will be reading from her groundbreaking family memoir, A Real Boy: A True Story of Autism, Early Intervention, and Recovery. The event is co-sponsored by the CSULB Department of English, the English Students’ Association, and the HipPoetics Creative Writing Club, and is supported by Poets & Writers, Inc, and a grant from the James Irvine Foundation. College of Liberal Arts Research Showcase Who says the humanities don’t perform research? The College of Liberal Arts Student Council is proud to present the first annual Research Showcase, which will be held on April 19, 2013. Have something you’d like to present? Abstracts (250 words) are due by March 15th to research@csulbclasc. org, and more info is available at www.csulbclasc.org/research. Movies on the House: Argo And if all you’re looking for is fun, drop by one of the USU Program Council’s showings of Argo on March 5th and 6th at 12, 5, and 8 p.m. in the Beach Auditorium. You’ve been working hard attending all these workshops and applying to present at all these research competitions; why not take a break with Argo? You deserve it.
Union Weekly—4 March 2013
The man behind the name Intro by Colleen Brown Managing Editor
When I met President F. King Alexander for the first time over a year ago, I was leaning back in a chair in the Union office, my arms crossed, with my feet kicked out on the table. Vincent was sitting across from me, and we were talking about movies when the world’s most kindlooking man walked in. “Just wanted to see how everything’s going in here,” the man said with a smile, and a tinge of a Southern accent, “You guys are hilarious!”
Vincent and I had no clue who he was. For a moment, I actually thought he might have been one of the other editors’ dads. He chatted with us for a few minutes, and was incredibly nice and personable; it was only when he started talking about “the administration” that we realized he was the man who makes the decisions that, more or less, control our future. Once he left, Vincent and I stared at each other in disbelief. We had been unknowingly shootin’ the shit with the President of our university. Immediately, we were both embarrassed that we didn’t recognize him, but we were also in utter disbelief at how suspiciously friendly President Alexander was.
FEATURE
7
Vincent, Gabe, and I got the chance to sit down with F. King for an hour this week to find out what he does for us, what he likes to eat, and what he thinks we as students can do to voice our opinions. We’ll let him speak for himself.
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FEATURE
Union Weekly—4 March 2013
Union Weekly: So, we have a batch of questions, a mix of personal and campusrelated ones, to let people know who is in charge here! President Alexander: If you find out, tell me! [laughter] UW: Can you walk us through your normal work day? PA: No! Because none of them are normal. But here’s today: Got up this morning and started working on performance funding and identifying what other states are doing so that we can measure our institutions with standards that are important to us, because if we don’t do it, it will be done to us, and we will be given funding based on things that aren’t important to our particular needs. I called a good friend that runs the Pennsylvania University system, and they have a great formula, so he sent me his model and I looked through it to see if it could be helpful to what we’re doing. I’ve been clearing my schedule this week for three hours at a time to work on this; I need to get it to the chancellor’s office by this Friday, my recommendation on what an initial draft might look like. This has been dumped on us because of the urgency of the matter.
UW: So, if you don’t create a plan for how the school will move forward, the state will create that plan for you? PA: Yes. The people working for the state (but not in the higher education system) will, for example, start assessing our graduation rates and decide to give us more for improving it. The danger with that is, we can easily get a 90% graduation rate; all you do is turn away every academically challenged student and take in nothing but valedictorians, and you kill your economy in the meantime. Two years ago we had a 55.4% graduation rate, and that had grown, that was the highest we have gotten to in our history, but we took a dip the next year to 49.8%. Everyone said, “Wow, you had a bad year,” but no, we actually graduated 450 more students [than the previous year]. Our rate did decline a bit, but we had the largest graduating class in our history. That’s why we need to stay
on top of this matter, so that they don’t measure us for the wrong reasons, which hurts our students and indirectly kills the local economy. Anyway, that’s the early morning discussion. Normally I’ll pop in on the Council of Deans and give them an update. In the meantime, I had four different phone calls with our legislative bodies in Sacramento and in Washington, DC this afternoon. I’m heading to DC next week, actually. UW: Last time we talked, you mentioned you are part of the 6-person committee that was advising the Department of Education. We wanted to ask you what your role is within that committee; it’s incredible that our school’s President plays a big part in the country’s development of higher education. Can you elaborate on that? PA: The very first meeting, the one that everything spun out of, happened in the West Wing two and a half years ago. They invited six schools, public universities, to really sit with the President and Secretary Duncan and describe how we’re able to keep our students out of debt, how we keep our tuition rates so low, and how we’re able to commit to low-income students. Forty percent [of our students are] Pel Grant students. The President gave us the chance to explain what our issues are and how we think we’ve been able to do what we’ve done, and it just went around the room for two hours or so. Since then, I have been able to call the members of the domestic policy council working on higher education, which are in the executive office building right next door to President Obama’s office, and get in there, meet with them and talk about what new funding policies could be useful. In the past, we haven’t been creative in our policy-making. Quite honestly, I am pushing a proposal that creates a Title I higher education system. Why is it that we think that large universities serving large numbers of low income students don’t deserve any additional assistance? Eighty percent of the schools in Long Beach are Title I schools, but why is it that we stop there? We have a pretty specific proposal that has gained a lot of ground and momentum, and we have a lot of allies that believe in it, but the problem is that the money is hard to find. Our allies in Washington like that we make all our information available, from our indebtedness to our mid-career earnings, because all they’re being told in Washington is how no schools are able to do it. We make all this information available, including salaries of baccalaureate degree recipients. Starting salary: $42,400, compared to the national average of $41,200, and mid-career earnings of $82,900 a year compared to $71,000 as the national average. UW: What are some of your other responsibilities on campus? PA: Well, today we had to read this [sheet of campus safety procedures] and approve the language on it. We’ve updated the safety procedures about campus shooters. My number one priority is campus safety.
If I was asked, what’s your most important job, I’d definitely say campus safety. We are ranked the number seven safest campus in the nation, too. We talk about it a lot, and we are thinking about it a lot. UW: One of the things that stood out to us about you was the fact that you’ve moved around a lot, from state to state and even country to country, and we wanted to ask if you could talk about how these experiences around the world helped your career and where you are now. PA: Well first of all, I went to China earlier this year, and that was helpful. We need global diversity on our campus. UW: CSULB prides itself on that! PA: Yes, we are the first stop for every student coming from Asian countries. For me, traveling there really opened my eyes. They are putting so much more money into higher education. They are doing what the US did after Sputnik, building universities and even paying American students to go there and study, even giving them visas upon graduation. They put a high premium on human capital and intelligence, and I learned a lot. In general, it’s very important to travel, career-wise. You shouldn’t be afraid to go to other places and work. Don’t cross out 99% of opportunity by saying “I don’t want to leave here.” There are great places all over the country and I’ve loved everywhere I’ve lived. Go to New York City, and if you don’t like it, go work in London; if you don’t like it, come back. You can always come back. Most jobs you’re looking for are not here in your backyard. There are great jobs here, but there are many more out there. UW: Of all the places you’ve been, why did you choose to settle in Long Beach? PA: The university, and great people. CSULB has big impact, and your bully pulpit when you speak in Washington is that you’re the nation’s 21st largest university, so what you say carries a lot of weight. Long Beach is a wonderful place that most people don’t know about. 600,000 people that function like there’s 30,000. You know everybody. You have LA with all the noise, and Orange County with so
many fragmented communities, and Long Beach is sort of tucked away in the corner. It’s community-based. And because of that, our partnership with schools in the area is great. It’s a small town with big city choices. UW: You obviously love Long Beach. What’s your favorite place to eat around here? PA: There are a bunch of good ones. Certainly McKenna’s. But I’d have to say George’s. If we’d have one pick, it’d have to be George’s Greek Cafe on 2nd. UW: What do you usually order? PA: The lamb kabob, and it’s a split. We get the appetizer with the four dips, the greek salad, and the kabob. But my wife and I split it, so that we don’t regret going there to begin with. But there are other great places! 555 downtown is great, a lot of the pubs have good food. O’Malley’s is great. Sushi Studio is probably the best sushi. It’s our best sushi, surprisingly, sitting where it does. I like the dive in places. You’ll catch me playing pool at Yankee Doodle’s every now and then. UW: We know that you make a point to play basketball with the students. Why is that important to you? PA: It’s a stress reliever. It’s the only exercise I can do where I have to think about something else. If I’m swimming laps, it’s too repetitive, if I’m jogging, I think about work, and if I’m on a treadmill, I look down
Union Weekly—4 March 2013 and realize I only burnt off half a donut. So basketball is my stress reliever. But also, I like playing with students. Probably only about half the time do students recognize me. When they do, I have the chance to talk to them about things, or sometimes they’ll come up to me and ask about campus-related stuff. I learn little things, such as the back door of Parkside Commons being broken, and then I get someone to go there and fix it. There was a great student idea in the College of Engineering where we set up a space in what used to be a drainage area. It was a mudhole that just collected water while students sat against the walls waiting for class. That was probably 4 years ago. The students had a great idea and said “ Why can’t we make this a nicer place to wait for class?” And now look at it. Students have great ideas, and I love to hear them, whether it’s by email or in person. That’s how I want the campus to function. We may be the 21st largest campus, but I don’t want students to feel like it is. UW: It often comes up in classes that because we go to CSULB, there are so many people, and we have no power and there’s nothing we can do. What would you say that we as students can do to push for change? PA: One is, you gotta make sure you vote in every election. Our biggest election years have eight or nine thousand students voting out of 36,000 [students total]. There’s a lot of strength in the sheer scale of the large student population. California has a demographic boom in the lower end. It’s getting smaller in the older end, and there isn’t much in the middle. Nine of the nation’s top ten universities in [numbers of] applications are in California. There’s a lot of volume and potential in votes. If students could recognize and utilize these strengths, it could change the dynamics of a lot of these [political] discussions, from incarceration to education. It’s not rocket science. Students need to enter leadership more, and sooner. As America ages, it seems to forget about students and young people, and it’s clearly evident in the fights that I am in. I’ve said it before, I’d much rather have an university full of B+ students involved in everything than A+ students doing nothing. The campus becomes much richer, much more vibrant, and there’s more to do. You build leadership skills by running different organizations. UW: So in high school, what did you want to do after you graduated? PA: I wanted to be a pro basketball player. And when I was older, I went overseas to play in northern London, and I broke my foot. I had a screw inserted in. UW: How did it happen? PA: Stress. Just playing every day. UW: How old were you? PA: Twenty-five. After it happened, I had surgery and they sent me to a hotel, and I layed in bed for about 2 days thinking about what I wanted to do.
UW: The same happened to one of our editors in Sweden, where he broke his nose playing in a soccer tournament. He took a train to the hospital, they fixed it, and only billed him $30 for the co-pay. PA: That’s how healthcare should work. These reforms are good, especially if you’ve been to other countries. If I was an English basketball player playing here, I don’t know what I would have done if I’d broken my foot. Although that would be a first, that an English basketball player would make it to America to begin with [laughter]. But yeah, back in high school, I thought I wanted to play for University of Florida or University of Kentucky, and the only problem was that their coaches didn’t. We unfortunately had to see eye to eye on that [laughter]. That’s why I went to Saint Lawrence University, a small school in Canton, in upstate New York, two hours north of Syracuse. Then Oxford for two years for grad school, and then Madison, Wisconsin, where I ended up working for two years. Madison, Wisconsin was nothing compared to upstate New York when it came to cold weather. One January, we had to stay there over the break, the basketball team and the hockey team. There were, I think, fourteen days in a row where the high was -8 degrees. And that’s degrees Fahrenheit. This is what it feels like: We would hurry from the dorms to the dining hall, but there was snow so we had to shuffle our feet instead of running. I’d put a thick cap over my head after showering, and still, each one of my hair follicles would freeze. We would unpack ourselves from our warm clothes and eat dinner, and as we were eating dinner, it would all melt and run down your face. UW: What did you want to be when you were a little kid? PA: I was five years old, and I lived in Maryland. I used to run to the window every time the garbage truck came, and watched that truck crush everything. That was my number one job. I wanted to be the guy who got to crush all that. UW: That must be so disappointing, that you never got to realize that dream [laughter]. Do you know if you can buy a garbage truck? And drive it around? PA: I don’t know! I always thought, “Can you buy a tank?” and argue your 2nd Amendment rights? Right to have a tank? Where do you stop? Semi-automatic weapon, or missile launcher? I think you might be able to have a bazooka, because you’re worried your neighbor might have one. But even that isn’t as cool as the garbage truck!
FEATURE
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CULTURE
Union Weekly—4 March 2013
Illustration by Rose Feduk Comics Editor
No Kidding: You’re Not Helping Anyone The moral philosophy of reproduction Greg Krish Contributor
Dear Reader, a few things you should think about: A human being cannot fathom any intelligence greater than its own. A human being can barely fathom his or her own full intelligence. The human concept of “God” is the greatest form of intelligence, with the ability to create and destroy. Any one person’s concept of God is simply the acknowledgement of one’s own full potential, from an intellectual and creative perspective. The god represented by theistic religion, is a product of fear; fear derived from a lack of knowledge of past and future, and fear of whether or not this is the only life that exists. “If there were a ‘bigger me than me,’ then what would he/she have done?” “If I can create, then the process by which the universe came into existence is ‘creation,’ just on a larger scale.” “I know this life. I know that people die. Why wouldn’t you live again after dying?” “I know what is right and what is wrong, what if there were a way to make everyone abide by those same moral standards?” And it’s easy to see the human being as a “god-like” organism for these reasons. We often underestimate our own capacity for understanding. The point is, all human thought processes are rooted in experience, and one only knows himself/herself. Religions were created to serve humanity, and many of
them are failing us now. Regardless, we are united as humans above all else, and we can really only serve ourselves, just as the rest of humanity does. That is all we know to do, and we are wasting our time trying to please an abstract concept that might not exist, when there are very real terrestrial problems taking place. Suffering is bad. I suffer. You suffer. Everyone suffers. Now the biggest sin of them all? More than killing someone? It’s bringing another suffering human being into existence. It’s completely possible in this day and age to abstain from reproduction. Not sex. Reproduction. It is not immoral to create. Creation is the utilization of that which already exists; it’s the rearrangement of particles of existence to form something unique that is less than you. To reproduce is to bring into existence something that is equal to you. Even though it will be a different creature, I can almost guarantee it will have the same capacity for suffering. If you carry the gene that enables significantly decreased suffering in each subsequent generation, then disregard the words above and below, and go fuck and make babies. Now, for everyone else who is human, and experiences human suffering (read: everyone). Hurting people is wrong. Killing people is wrong. Bringing
someone into existence who will hurt and then die, guess what that is? It’s wrong. Reproduction is wrong. It’s a choice. You are not an animal. You are selfaware. Self-awareness is bad, because misery would not exist without it. You have nothing to destroy. You do not have to do anything, except for not make another you. But you’ll get to age 25, 35, 45, 55 and decide, “Life is beautiful! I can do this! I want to experience the profound happiness of being a mother/father.” Honestly, it wears off pretty fast when you find your son cutting himself in the bathroom, or when your daughter is hospitalized for blood alcohol poisoning. By the time that happens, there’s nothing you can do, other than to live with yourself, and live with that decision you made when you were younger to “have kids.” Some added incentive: Your offspring could be exponentially worse than you are. They could kill a bunch of people, or become a serial rapist. “But children are great! I wish there were a way I could have them, but it’s the worst thing in the world to reproduce, so I guess I’m screwed.” You guessed wrong, you’re not screwed at all! There are a bunch of children who already exist, and you can adopt them! You can try your hand at preventing someone from becoming a
serial murderer/rapist, after all! I say all of this out of obligation. I’ve reached an understanding of how fucked this whole system is, and the only good karma I’m able scrape up is derivative of this knowledge that reproduction is wrong. Abstaining from reproduction is the only thing you can do that will make you a good person. And you should tell other people. Because someone seems to have told everyone else that having children was a good thing to do, and now we have a lot of people who are having a bad time. Humanity does not serve a greater purpose. It doesn’t need to go on forever. The biological part of you that says you need to keep the species going is the part of you that’s still an animal. Being an animal is easy and it feels good sometimes, but not when the cost is so high. Have a good day! Greg Krish P.S. If you’re already a parent, it’s cool. But guess what you should teach your children about?
Union Weekly—4 March 2013
CULTURE
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Ladies Love Their Makeup Four thousand years makes a difference in makeup and perfume containers Words & Photos by Katie Healy Assistant Editor
It’s amazing to go through museums and see what has survived the test of time. On a recent trip to the Getty Villa, I was amazed at its glass exhibit, which spanned several thousand years. I made it a point to find the oldest piece in the room, and what I found were glass jars from Egypt. These jars were made for eye makeup and perfume. Keep in mind, this was before blown glass, so the artist shaped a ceramic core and dipped that core into molten glass. Then the stripes on the outside were made by ribbons of glass wrapped around the jar, and then stretched to make the bent pattern. Once the jar cooled, the ceramic core was scraped out of the jar and violá! A beautiful eyeliner jar that, in 4000 years, will sit in a glass container to be the object of “oohs” and “aahs” by the American masses. I quite enjoy makeup as an art, where the canvas is my face, but something
tells me that my plastic mascara tubes won’t last long enough to be mounted in a museum several thousand years from now. Reason being, these tubes are meant to be disposable (that way you have to buy more!). Who knows, maybe the Egyptians in 1300 BCE had their version of disposable jars too, but these glass ones have stood the test of time. My guess is that today, it’s the artistic glass perfume bottles that will decorate the future. Higher end perfume lines make very pretty bottles, and blown glass artists also create refillable perfume bottles as works of art. The Villa’s gift shop even displayed two such pieces. That’s the ultimate irony; you go to a museum and are so awe-inspired that you start your own collection before you leave, and then that collection is displayed in several thousand years. It’s museum recycling!
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ENTERTAINMENT
Stream On The IT Crowd I traveled to London a few years back and, like most people, I suffered from culture shock. However, the shock came not from British-isms but rather from the ubiquitous Americanization. Everywhere I went (which was difficult because London is not too wheelchair accessible) I saw a McDonald’s or Starbucks on every corner. Every popular radio station played Kanye or Katy Perry. But what most struck me as odd and downright unforgivable was that none of my English peers knew who The Clash was. That was the day I realized punk was dead. I won’t comment anymore on American hegemony; I’ll leave that to Chomsky. But I will say that seeing all the shit I see on a
Ever since Netflix burst onto the scene, it has been slowly closing the gap between the tradition televisional medium and video-on-demand (let’s just ignore Qwikster as a black spot on an otherwise agreeable track record), so it’s no surprise that the company’s next step in total media domination would be to start releasing its own original programming. With the release of House of Cards, Netflix is testing the waters and gauging the public’s reaction to a whole new type of broadcasting before shit gets serious with the fourth season of Arrested Development. In what can be described as, at worst, above adequate, and at best, smart and exciting, Kevin Spacey stars as Francis “Frank” Underwood, a South Carolina democrat and the House Majority Whip in present day Washington DC. Incomprehensibly clever and seemingly always in control, Frank navigates the treacherous political landscape utilizing hard partying Congressman Peter Russo (played by a wig-less Corey Stoll, who portrayed Ernest Hemingway in Midnight
Roque Renteria
daily basis abroad ruined part of my trip. I thought the London I had read about was long gone. Then, just when I thought all hope was lost, I saw something that changed my life forever. I was in my hotel room flipping through channels when I stumbled upon The IT Crowd. For those of you unfamiliar with The IT Crowd, here is the best description I can provide; it is a show about two awkward nerds who are inept at social skills and are misanthropic. The two nerds are played by Chris O’Dowd (the Irish cop from Bridesmaids) and Richard Ayoade (British guy from The Watch). They spend most their time working as technical support in the basement of a large building for a
in Paris) and political reporter Zoe Barnes (played by Kate Mara, Lisbeth Salander’s older sister). These characters and most others serve as pawns in Frank’s elaborate plans to reach his own political ambition, namely bringing down newly elected President Garret Walker. After helping to get Walker elected, Frank is snubbed by the new administration and is passed over for the Secretary of State position he had been promised, swearing revenge in the most delightful southern accent this side of Tennessee Williams. The best part of this series are the incredible performances the entire cast gives. Spacey creates a man who is relatively likable, although morally ambiguous and (at times) deliciously devious. Robin Wright, who stars as Frank’s wife, Claire Underwood, the cut-throat environmentalist in charge of the non-profit Clean Water Initiative, is equally talented (enjoy her while you can before her career goes balls-to-the-wall ridiculous in Two Mothers). The show’s cast has an incredible pedigree, and the
multinational corporation. One day, an attractive woman (well, attractive by British standards) joins the IT section of the corporation without having any computer knowledge or skills. Sound familiar? The IT Crowd is everything The Big Bang theory strives to be. It is a smart show that properly represents geek culture. More importantly, The IT Crowd is actually funny. The jokes aren’t spoon-fed to the audience nor do they feel forced or catered to a group of Philistines. Not to be rude, but I hate The Big Bang Theory and believe The IT Crowd is superior in every way. Even the title of the show is more clever. In closing, I hope you take into consideration my opening anecdote and
cut down on American television for a while. You can only watch Breaking Bad so many times before it gets repetitive. Instead, embrace the hilarity of Britain! Don’t forget, this is the same country that gave us Monty Python, Shaun of the Dead and last but definitely not least, The Office. Anyway, every season of The IT Crowd is available for instant streaming on Netflix. I advise you start to watching right away. There only 24 episodes, so you should be caught up within a couple of days. Also, if your computer starts malfunctioning, try turning it on and off again.
House of Cards
Chris Fabela
performances are rich and subtle. House of Cards also features slick directing (David Fincher helms the first two episodes, and Joel Schumacher gets in there too, if that’s your thing) and some awesome back and forth dialogue, which often ends in a supporting cast member having his or her ass handed to them by Frank’s verbal gymnastics. The show’s only hiccup is in its most exciting character: Frank Underwood is just too damn exceptional. Throughout this first season, I found myself asking when, not how, Frank would solve any of the problems he encounters. He is always operating on a level that is above and beyond the plebeians surrounding him, and at times it deflates the tension. The stakes can never feel that high when good ol’ Frank is always three steps ahead of everyone else. This is only amplified by Frank continually breaking the fourth wall to chat directly with us, the audience, to let us into his thought process through Sorkin-esque soliloquies. Learning from the mistakes of their first original series Lilyhammer (2012), the
Norwegian-American dramedy starring Little Steven of East Street Band fame, Netflix has been practically shoving House of Cards down our throats. If you have internetted within the past year, you’ve probably seen some form of advertisement for the show. Though the show is enjoyable, House of Cards’ lasting impression will be how it changes the way we watch television shows. Unlike traditional TV, the show’s entire season was released all at once, 13 episodes ready to be consumed over the course of a week or a particularly antisocial weekend. It takes a smarter person than I to determine how that will affect the media landscape but Netflix seems to have high hopes. Arrested Development comes back this May, and following the release of DreamWorks Animation’s Turbo in July, Netflix will air a follow up television series Turbo: F.A.S.T. (Fast Action Stunt Team) in December 2013. I don’t think it’s hyperbolic to say the future of television is happening before our eyes.
Union Weekly—4 March 2013
Bad Religion True North
Michael Wood Opinions Editor
Flatbush Zombies D.R.U.G.S Marco Beltran Senior Editor
MUSIC
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When I first started listening to “True North”, Bad Religion’s brand new release, I was a bit anxious. This happens every time one of my aging favorite bands releases a new album; I think I have good reason for these feelings. The folks in Bad Religion are about as old as my parents and still releasing records. As admirable as that is, I would not like to listen to a pop-punk album put out by my parents or their friends. Naturally, I approach these albums with apprehension, particularly when I remember the disaster that was 21st Century Breakdown that ruined Green Day’s music to me forever. Luckily, however, Bad Religion has remained master of its domain, and I found True North to have some great merits. Bad Religion, for those of you who don’t know, pretty much defined the new generation of pop punk. Compared to the earlier bands in the genre, who for the most part, sounded like The Kinks with a faster tempo and more juvenile lyrics, Bad Religion writes more serious music, touching on social, economic and political
issues (a holdover from the hardcore punk scene in the early 1980s where these themes were prominent). But the key element is Bad Religion have a fantastic pop sensibility, consistently turning out catchy guitar riffs and athematic choruses without losing that hardcore edge, unlike the 30 second songs of screamed vocals and crass guitar riffs that defined the era I was pleasantly surprised with the opening tracks, including the song “Fuck You” which is incredibly fun to blast in your car while driving down the freeway. The first third of the album is fast paced, catchy and aggressive, with songs like the eponymous “True North” and “Land of Endless Greed” that lure you in and get you stomping your foot in unison with the beat. These songs are dripping with Bad Religion’s trademark vocal harmonies, referred to by fans of the band as the “Oozin’ Aahs” (Say it out loud if you didn’t get it the first time). But the tone changes halfway through the album with “Dharma and the Bomb” (A rare appearance of the guitarist Brett Gurewitz as the lead singer)
and “Hello Cruel World.” The rest of the album is spent battling through musical highs and lows finally resolving at the middle ground with a somewhat hopeful “Changing Tides,” which is not nearly as satisfying a conclusion as I would’ve hoped. However, the rest of the album makes up more than enough for the somewhat disappointing conclusion. Overall, “True North” is not a ground-breaking or revolutionary album and I thank god for that. Musicians get too old for gimmicks and Bad Religion recognized this and did well by its fan base and the ears of the nation as a whole by releasing an album that doesn’t attempt to border on the avant-garde or the strange. Just a straightforward, thought-provoking and well-constructed album of what these people doing what they do best: making athematic music that sticks in your head and leaves a couple thoughts behind for you to chew on after the music is over.
Deep down, a part of me wants to believe that Meechy Darko and Zombie Juice of Flatbush walked into a studio and just laid out the vocals freestyle, which producer Erick Arc Elliot stitched together in one night in an insane druginduced moment of inspiration. That’s how crazy this mixtape is at times. D.R.U.G.S. is off-putting at first because the start of each song feels like the beginning of an improv sketch, where someone in the audience yelled out “Al Bundy” or “Breakfast at ePiffanies” and Flatbush just went, “Yeah, we can rap about that.” It’s not a bad thing. One minute Meechy is rapping about how rap today is all about selling your soul to the devil to get big and the next about how it is to fit in a world where every rapper is too busy blogging or some other acid-induced philosophical shit and transitions to having sex or getting high with no pause in between to let the listener savor some of the shit that’s
coming out of his mouth. That sounds kind of bad, but it gives the lines a lot of potency. Every time you listen to it you catch something new that you missed the last listen because you were too swept up in Erick Arc Elliots’ amazing beats. Like today, I realized that Zombie Juice throws in references to wrestlers from the ‘80s in three different songs (Roddy Piper in “S.C.O.S.A,” Psycho Sid in “Mary, Nothing Above Thee,” and Shawn Michaels “Breakfast at ePiffanies”) There are a lot of fun moments on the album. These moments, juxtaposed with the intensity of Meechy Darko and Zombie’s delivery and the loopy, melodic beats throughout, and you have something that deserves an honest listen. Well, that and the fact that the Flatbush Zombies have made it available online for free. My only problem with D.R.U.G.S., (which, as I’m writing, begins to seem like a personal problem), is that there are
way too many songs about drugs. I don’t know what I expected, but after a while I felt like, “Fuck, how many songs can include drug references?” I know this is an overarching theme in rap, but with D.R.U.G.S., it’s like Flatbush went out of their way to include a drug reference in all the songs. Overall, it’s a great listen if you’re not deterred by all the pillow talk and drug stuff.
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LITERATURE
Union Weekly—4 March 2013
Cover me, Porkins
Just a couple reviews of books we didn’t even bother to read
Gabe Ferreira Art Director It’s hard finding a good book if you are a graphic designer. Though I love to read, it’s almost impossible to get my hands on something that seems interesting and looks intriguing. I don’t know what publishers have been thinking, but a trip to your local bookstore proves that the world of book design is surrounded with incompetence. Perhaps the clients are to blame, but you’d expect better from fellow creative minds. So, earlier this week, I decided to prove myself wrong: I visited the Barners & Noble website, clicked on “Latest Releases,” and looked through dozens of book covers until I found something that passed the decency test: The Dinner by Herman Koch. Before we even get to the design of this marvel, let’s talk about the deeper things going on with the words on it. “Koch” is German for “cook”, which makes “dinner” a very appropriate topic for the author to write
Short Story Corner: Little Red Riding Wolf Rebecca Pincolini Contributor For the rest of the story, go to www.lbunion.com/literature
Nathan Moore Contributor
about. Yes, not many readers will understand the reference, but that’s what good writing is all about: subtle details that require further investigation from the audience. Let’s move forward to what actually matters: looking at the cover gives me good insight into the story that will quickly unfold. The burning tablecloth and the missing plate allude to several primary and secondary motifs, the most important of which being the feelings of loss and deprivation the main character fights throughout the story. Moreover, the shape of the burn forms an abstract screaming face, proof that the concept the designer and the writer chose to pursue goes beyond looks and layout. Do me a favor: next time someone tells you not to judge a book by its cover, do what any graphic designer would and proudly let him or her know there is artwork on the cover for a reason.
Wow... I mean wow. Have you ever seen a manlier example of book cover bromance? What is depicted here is a fierce battle of unrequited love as Timmy (the knee hugger) begs William (Rugby ball guy) to take him back and he doesn’t care anymore what those redshirts have to say. “But,” Will decries, his cheeks flushed by the physical effort of protecting two sets of balls and the emotional toll of the past week’s events rushing at him, “you… with Jerry…” referring, of course, to the prick in the suit jacket. Jerry looks on, his “whistle” shamelessly slipped salaciously between his lips. That dirty slut. The anguish on Timmy’s face is palpable, and he grips fiercly to his erstwhile lover’s tight, muscly thighs as if
proximity can bridge the immeasurable gap that his actions cleaved between himself and William. Ignorant of the leering, jeering looks of the opposing players, these two men among men let loose the pain that only a true love brings. Will raises his fist to strike. To strike at the one who hurt him so. To strike at this betrayer of most solemn vows of fellowship! Honor! Love! As with all truly great covers, we do not know if they shall ever rebuild the life they once shared together, or if that idyllic house of Boville, its red walls gleaming in the English sunset, will remain an empty shell, a forgotten dream.
I always knew I was too good for him. There I was, twenty-two years old and trapped. Even though deep down within myself I knew I could just leave and never look back, the actual break away from the disease was the biggest struggle. I somehow convinced myself that I wasn’t complete without his neglect, his abuse, without him in general. It took me two years to sit up from a sleepless night in our bed, look over and down to the right and decide to leave all of my insecurities behind, and narrate an ending to our story. I gathered most of my belongings and packed a khaki colored tote. Right before I fastened the belt shut, I turned off my mobile phone and I heard five words echo calmly throughout our two-bedroom apartment, “You’ll be back. Just wait.” My stomach began to pound and my hands started to perspire as I headed straight for the door. I didn’t look behind me; if I did I knew I’d stay. I headed downstairs, opened the cab door and cried the entire journey to the station. Just as my Amtrak began to locomote, I ended up ignoring a very sociable boy doing what sociable boys do best, making conversation. Hiding behind my headache, my cover was blown when he questioned my
final destination. “Home” I muttered. “I’m starting over and going home.” He looked at me up and down and nodded remorsefully. He grew silent for a long while until he commenced conversation about himself. During our discussion, it became evident that his relationship with his significant other was quite unhealthy, one subject I feel I am not qualified to speak on. He looked at me with promise when he asked for advice, but all I gathered up to say was, “I ran away from my mistake. Sometimes it’s easier done than said.” The conversation ended with an exchange of numbers and a double embrace. It was nice having a stranger spill everything to me; it was nicer yet I actually cared enough to care about his situation. The three-hour trek flashed by quickly. I thought about the five words that were now ingrained within. “Why does he think I’m coming back?” I thought. I never fully understood why a person couldn’t just cut it loose once it started to worsen. Before attempting at figuring it out, I was startled by a sharp ring of the outside bell that translated the conclusion of the ride. I picked up my bag, exited through the train door, and took a deep breath in. I was
home. My mother was there, waiting for me. Double-parked nonetheless, but she was there. She didn’t seem to say much but her kind smile spoke for itself. “I’m glad you’re home, love,” she managed to say. I turned on my phone and right before I had a chance to respond to her, my voice mail rang. I had six missed messages. My mother’s hands tightened as she gripped the steering wheel, she knew they were from him. She looked straight ahead and said “Don’t you dare listen to them. You’re an adult now; I’m not taking away your belongings. You need to have the strength to know you can defeat this on your own.” My throat had gotten so tight, that horrible and uncomfortable feeling of not wanting to cry in public. All I could think about was him, how he’s all I‘ve ever known. By the time we got home, all I wanted to do was climb into my bed and dream. I followed my mother as she carried my tote and navigated her way through our home to my bedroom. “Here we are, just as you left it,” my mother said. She turned and looked at me, “Need anything?” I looked down towards the hardwood floor then up, towards her. I nodded and said “strength.”
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MacDombles
Pope Beanadict
Tyre Jones Assistant Editor
Rose Feduk Comics Editor
Tony Bozanic Contributor
It’s Never Sunny Union Weekly—4 March 2013
COMICS
15
Volume 72 Issue 7
Monday, March 4, 2013
LBUNION.COM
DISCLAIMER: Ay, papasitas. I ran into a little bit of a problem this week. My stupid maid thought the PS2 was an onion slicer and messed everything up. For now I am stuck massaging my platanos alone in this jungle. One day I’ll be back with my huggy bung. Too bad this page is satire and I do not represent ASI nor the CSULB campus. Email this lil’ mamacita at grunion@lbunion.com.
CSULB DATING SECRETS: NO MORE LONELY NIGHTS?
THE UNATTESTED KILLER IS REAL ENEMY OF AMERICA
What’s up? My name is Jaeger, like the drink but not. Since I’m so good getting at girls drunk with my words and I’ve been on over a thousand dates in my lifetime, by Jaeger I thought it would ?????? perfect to share my insight with everyone out there in the daterverse. Dating in this day and age can tough. Through my extensive research of lady parts and always going balls deep in everything I do, I have developed a system of dating that is unstoppable. I’ve studied at all the best schools on the subject of dating and am an expert on sexology with a masters in bumping uglies with the hottest chicks. Be warned: my system has the potential
I’m thankful that every year the government makes it a little harder to commit a murder in the US. Just look at Oscar Pistorius. He killed his wife and he knows it. No matter by Rhonda how hard he points Sharkface out his lack of legs to the jury, he is still going to be guilty. But I feel like we’ve severely overlooked a group of people that get away with murder every year and no one has the intestinal fortitude to stand up for the most basic right in our constitution: life. Who is the group of people that I’m talking about? Sharks. I’ve read the facts and know the statistics, okay. When I was younger my mom bought me a bunch of those zoo books called Zoo Books. I know that sharks don’t kill people as often as popular movies like Deep Blue Sea and Finding Nemo lead you to believe. I think it’s
yourself with an abundance of butt that you will not know what to do with. I’m not going to give you everything. Ha ha. A master never reveals all their secrets. I’m going to unveil my bits of knowledge bit by bit for the next few weeks. By the time I’m done with you, your dick will be wet for sure. Like drippy wet. Or whet, if you prefer. know you exist and that you’re not a sweaty cheese. I know what you’re thinking: How do I do that, Jaeger? Shut up and listen. Maybe you’ll learn something and get that honey you’ve wanted most of your life. Go
on like craigslist.com. It’s a website. Look it up. If you don’t know what website is go on your Iphone and do a search for “website,” on there and post on missed connections. You make some buzz for yourself. Ladies love dudes with buzz. Just write a bunch of posts and talk about yourself real nice like. Here are some examples of stuff I did for myself: Last week I ran into him; he had the cutest chubby cheeks covered with his well-groomed facial hair. We ran around upper campus for hours; he climbed trees and I followed. Eventually I got hungry so I went to the beach hut to grab us some lunch and when I got back he was gone; I guess I scared him off. I just don’t understand why, either way, I’ll never forget his muscular limbs, beady (You give ladies the impression you’re like soft like a little o’bunny. Chicks love that. It makes them get rock hard) Sincerely, women everywhere. (I’m not even black, but this one gives the impression that you’re smooth and have a big penis)
like shark 80 attacks per year, 7 resulting in deaths. That’s not the problem here. The problem is that sharks have the ability, above all other species, to forego any charges of murder. I think it’s a fallacy to allow sharks, because they are sea creatures and don’t have “common sense,” to continue murdering humans senselessly. Let’s take the recent murder of the movie director, Adam Strange. He was endurance training off the coast of New Zeland when he was attacked by a 14 foot shark. Some say it was a great white, but, not to sound like a racist prick, all sharks look the same the same to me. We should just kill all of them to be sure. Look at their eyes. They’re on the sides of their heads and they’re shifty. You can believe what someone with shifty eyes. That’s all the proof you should need. All the police does is shoot into the water and tell people and everyone eats it up, like “nom nom murder nom nom.” Sharks don’t die like that. Open your eyes!
center, we should get together. There’s this really cute Asian guy in my class, (Again, you’re building this image of yourself. You’re like this race-less being, like ET or something) Dude with the shoulder tattoo and green eyes left for the bathroom. (Eyes aren’t green. Get it now?) Next week, I’ll teach you the next step. -Jaeger
Inside
GOAT COMPILATIONS REMIND AMERICA THAT WHITNEY HOUSTON IS STILL DEAD
TRANSVESTITE BEAR PROVES THAT NO ONE CARES ABOUT ANIMALS
PENGUIN AT THE SOUTH POLE STARTS STREET GANG OR WHATEVER