Classroom Marauders by Union Weekly

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Intro

Issue 76.10

Molly Shannon, Editor-in-Chief editorinchief@lbunion.com

By Molly Shannon

Alfred Pallarca, Managing Editor alfredp.union@gmail.com

Ahhh, springtime at last! Friday, March 20

Illustration by Rose Feduk

Connor O’Brien, Art Director connor.union@gmail.com Trevor Desrosiers, Advertising Executive advertising@lbunion.com Eduardo Vargas, Distribution Manager distribution@lbunion.com

Union Weekly InterVarsity members are the same Christians

ART & DESIGN John Calhoun, Illustration Editor Michael Tewasart, Assistant to Art Director tewasartm@live.com Truc Nguyen, Web Manager web@lbunion.com

ease during the InterVarsity meeting than I

EDITORIAL Jacky Linares, Opinions Editor opinions@lbunion.com Veronica Craft, Community Editor community@lbunion.com Joel Martinez, Athletics Editor athletics@lbunion.com Renee Schmiedeberg, Arts Editor arts@lbunion.com Katie Cortez, Entertainment Editor entertainment@lbunion.com Sam Winchester, Music Editor music@lbunion.com Zach Phelps, Lifestyle Editor lifestyle@lbunion.com Elizabeth Nguyen, Literature Editor literature@lbunion.com Alfred Pallarca, Travel Editor alfredp.union@gmail.com Beatriz Villa, Food Editor food@lbunion.com Gumby, Grunion Editor grunion@lbunion.com

COPY & ASSISTANT EDITORS Elliott Gatica, Eric Reid Hamilton,

ADVERTISING INTERNS Joel Kuehn, Jacqueline Simon STAFFERS & CONTRIBUTORS Daisy Epple, Michelangelo Landgrave, Miguel Angel-Garcia, Andrew Linde, Bronson Farr, Jonathan Beltran, Marilyn Perez, Adam

“Alfred Michael Murray” CONTACT US

E-mail: info@lbunion.com

Disclaimer and Publication Information: The Union Weekly is published using ad money and partial funding provided by the Associated Students, Inc. All Editorials are the opinions of their individual authors, not the Union Weekly Union Weekly staff. All letters to the editor will be considered for publication. may not be edited for grammar, spelling, punctuation, and length. The Union Weekly will publish anonymous letters, articles, editorials, and illustration, but must have your name and information attached for our records. Letters to the editor should be no longer than 500 words. The Union Weekly assumes no responsibility, nor is it liable, for

Opinions

Debating the Minimum Left or right, it’s the wrong direction By Michelangelo Landgrave Former Florida governor Jeb Bush has recently come out in favor of ending the federal minimum wage. Some on the left are viewing this as radical, but I think it isn’t radical enough as Jeb Bush favors keeping state minimum wage laws. Most states have minimum wage laws equal to or above the federal minimum wage, so abolishing the federal minimum wage would have little impact. Minimum wage laws as a whole must be abolished. The name “minimum wage” itself is a misnomer. These laws do not actually force employers to hire anyone at a given wage; it merely prohibits them from hiring anyone below a wage. The minimum wage law is the textbook example of a price floor—no, really. Grab any Principle of Microeconomics textbook, and you will see that minimum wage laws are the example used to explain why price floors are bad (hint: they increase unemployment). I have no interest in further exploring why the minimum wage is a bad idea. It

Bone to Pick with Chick-aFiliation A response to Daily 49er’s ‘ASI brands chicken sandwiches discriminatory’

is clear the political left isn’t interested in listening. Anyone who is genuinely interested in the side effects of the minimum wage is encouraged to take Economics 101 or at least Google the issue. Instead, I will offer a recommendation that should satisfy both those on the left and right as an improvement over the current state of affairs: let us replace the minimum wage and other welfare programs with a means tested minimum income. Under this program, individuals will receive a certain lump payment independent of their employment status. Recipients of this program shall include those who have serious disabilities (e.g. the blind, crippled, and so forth) and those who are identified as being caught in a cycle of poverty. Individuals will be able to do what they wish with their minimum income. If properly administered, this program could actually save tax payers by stream lining the countless welfare programs operated by all levels of government. It will

CSULB is a campus that prides itself on diversity. But when our school that discriminates against the LGBTQ+ community as a whole, then there is a problem. This company is none other than Chick-Fil-A, who is a current sponsor for the Long Beach State Athletics department. The Daily 49er wrote about how a proposed Associated Students Inc. government resolution would end ChickFil-A’s sponsorship with our campus, calling the move a discriminatory act that violates the sandwich chain’s religious freedom. Vournas, however, thinks otherwise. “Religious freedom does not mean the freedom to be oppressive, and it does not mean [Chick-Fil-A] is exempt from basic human decency,” Vournas said. “Religious freedom means the right to practice your religion as it pertains to your life, not the lives of others.” marriage in 2012 when President and Chief

By Bronson Farr

also eliminate some of the regulations that hamper the current labor market. The idea of a minimum income is by no means new. Thomas Paine, one of America’s Founding Fathers, sketched out the idea in Agrarian Justice. More recently, economist Milton Friedman promoted the minimum income and helped introduce it partly in the form of the earned income credit. There are downsides to the minimum income. By granting recipients a guaranteed income, regardless of their

actions, discourages them to seek work. This is why any minimum income program must be means tested to ensure only those who truly need it, get it and should not have a hard threshold. Even with these modifications, we can expect a minimum income to discourage employment among some of its recipients.

family unit,” according to the Daily 49er. The company also supported California’s Proposition 8, which placed a ban on samesex marriage in the state and was struck down by the US Supreme Court in 2013. The Daily 49er writes that ASI’s proposed resolution is intolerant of Chick-Fil-A’s religious beliefs, and it would be a loss of revenue for the school. But before you

Vournas also points out that having the sandwich chain on campus is an insult to the LGBTQ+ community on campus. “It angers me knowing that students will be walking into the [Walter Pyramid], wanting to show school spirit and contribute to our school, and will be met with an advertisement from a company that has publicly mocked [LGBTQ+ students],” she added.

it really make sense to have an LGBTQ+ friendly school like CSULB be sponsored by a company that is not in support of the LGBTQ+ community?” As of now, this sponsorship is currently which is a score indicating how LGBTQ+ supportive a school is based on a series of questions, according to Vournas. CSULB’s potentially be higher without Chick-Fil-A. The CSU General Provisions for Acquisition, a guide for when any school CSU system makes contracts with outside parties to come onto campus, has a nondiscrimination policy. But aside from Campus Pride scores and sponsorships,

income would be a preferable improvement over current minimum wage laws.

mentioned that she felt betrayed as a member of the LGBTQ+ community when in the blue pyramid. Vournas maintains that the proposed resolution does not discriminate against Chick-Fil-A because of the company’s religion, but because Chick-Fil-A is a company that supports discrimination,

LGBTQ+ community at CSULB. “By ending its relationship with ChickFil-A, ASI is not only doing what is right, but is doing what its LGBTQ+ deserves,” Vournas said.

Opinions

The Social Network A call for a more practical use of social media Before I began to meet new people in college, I would use Facebook purely as a social means, as I’m sure many of my colleagues do now. That started to change after meeting some people in my second year at CSULB— I truly began to grasp the potential of FB for college students looking to get ahead on their own terms. All social media should be exploited for business, and I believe there should be a class in how to do such things. We, students, teachers, and people, do not have to live by a capitalist economic system anymore. We can and should start a new way of producing income for a living. It is my wish to see a humanist social movement that

could result in a whole community working together to create beautiful, fantastic things that come from our own minds, not industries or institutions. For the purpose of this article, however, I will not go into what my beliefs as a humanist are; rather, I shall continue with my rant about social media. Facebook can be used to connect with hundreds, if not thousands, of people, and we should take advantage of that to create our own futures for those who don’t see life behind that the way I used FB was unhealthy—it was like looking through a telescope (I get that image from a picture a friend had posted

depicting just that). I kept my Facebook life and my actual life separate, living in a virtual world that was ruled by likes and comparison to my friends. Every time I went on FB I rarely looked through my home page because I didn’t think people actually used Facebook for anything important, but I was wrong. Facebook is a tool for personal success, as well as any other form of social media like Twitter, Tumblr, Tinder, Snapchat—the list goes on. Now I am using Facebook to show my real life experiences and to advertise for my friends’ bands, or local meet ups that I want to be apart of, or for myself if I decide to get a website up

By Daisy Epple in the near future. I don’t spend half an hour sweating over statuses anymore, because I do not care if it gets “likes” or not. I want to be healthy and show those around me that I am living a life worth “liking on Facebook.” It has been an interesting journey during my second year at CSULB. However, it has been one of growth and a new understanding for myself I never had before. I urge people to use Facebook more for their own springboard to better things that they create so we can begin to create a more cultured and moving nation, or at least a cooler place to study.

My RA Is Not the Bae A critique of the resident assistant/campus resident relationship By Anonymous

Illustration by John Calhoun

If you dig deep enough into the Daily 49er’s crime blotter, you’ll read about me. Something about a girl reportedly being loud in the dorms. According to them, the housing

classes. Within two days, the RAs magically discovered a new room for me in a quieter hall on the other side of the building, and I lived happily ever after. The end? Not quite. A few weeks ago, I was having lunch with a friend of mine. She still lives in the dorms, and she told me that this year, she’s having

Anyone who has ever lived in the dorms knows that getting a simple write-up from your RA—much less the attention of the almost unheard of. The RAs don’t come out unless you’re drinking, smoking weed in your room, or in my case, physically attacking a fellow dormmate. Let’s go back to the beginning of the Spring 2015 semester. Imagine paying 1,000 dollars to live on-campus, only to end up sleeping in the study room. That pretty much sums up my fall semester as a freshman. The boys in my hall were so loud that I spent most of my nights either sleeping in the study room or sleeping in my classes. When I complained to my RA about it, I asked if I could be moved into another room, and she told me that she would see what she could do. Nothing changed. Two months later, I was standing in front between sobs that I really wasn’t a bad kid. I had only attacked those boys because I was frustrated. I’d gone to my RA multiple times throughout the semester about the same two boys and she hadn’t done anything. I was stressed out, sleep-deprived, and failing my

Her suite-mate has a tendency to come home drunk, at odd hours of the night, screaming at God knows who, and banging on strangers’ doors. She told me she’s complained to her RA more than once, and yet the screaming and the banging haven’t stopped. It’s gotten so bad that she’s had to physically restrain her roommate in order to keep things from escalating into violence. But what if she didn’t restrain her roommate? What if she let her go out and lay as many punches as she deemed necessary? The police would come, she’d be disciplined, to make an appearance. Most of the people living in the dorms have never had to share a space with other people. These kids have no experience living with others and respecting their boundaries. That’s why we have RAs. But if the RAs can’t even help mediate issues between residents then why are they there? What’s the point? Seems to me like they’re only there for the free housing.

Happy Nowruz! Persian Student Association to host Persian New Year celebration

March 21 heralds the beginning of Nowruz, the solar Iranian New Year. Nowruz, literally “New Day” spans 13 days and is the most important and longest national holiday celebrated by Persians throughout the world. Astronomically it is celebrated at the equinox, the exact time and location that the New Year begins. Historically it is rooted in the ancient secular and religious practices traceable to Zoroastrianism, the ancient religion of Iranians. Mythologically, it is the revival of nature and the triumph of light over darkness, and goodness over wickedness. Culturally, for most people, it is simply a festival to celebrate spring by wishing family and friends happiness, health, felicity, and good fortune as children are given gifts. With the growing population of Iranians in the greater Los Angeles, the celebration is now widely recognized and even acknowledged through annual messages from the White House. At our campus in the Long Beach area, Persian Students Association established to foster cultural dialogue, understanding, and cultural preservation has been holding the celebration for the past three years. This year, we will host the event on campus at 6pm to 11:30pm at the Student Union Ballroom. The unique event will feature musical performances, folkloric

dances, traditional New Year dinner, and unique deserts. Join us for glimpses of the traditional ceremonial table elaborately decorated with culturally artifacts, unique candles, dyed eggs, and the so called haft seen, the symbolic seven items. Admission to this event is 25 dollars. Tickets can be obtained at www.eventbrite.com (search for “CSULB Persian New Year”).

“It is a simple festival to celebrate spring by wishing family and friends happiness...and good fortune as children are given gifts. ”

Third annual ‘Education Week’ offers events for those After another year of anxious waiting, CSULB will host its third annual “Education Week,” which will be taking place from March 23 through 27—that’s this week! If you have ever been interested in becoming a teacher, administrator, school principal, or the like, this is a can’t-miss event, as it will answer any and all questions you may have about breaking into the world of learning. Interestingly enough, it is predicted that there will be an abundance of teaching jobs opening up throughout the state of

Ed Week is about making sure that you are informed on how you can take part in helping your community grow and prosper, as teachers are the key for the future’s success. There will be many events throughout the week aimed at both recruiting Long Beach students into our Education programs, as well as educating those within on how they can grow within their majors or concentrations. From Monday to Tuesday (March 23 and 24), there will be an information booth located at the Central Quad from 10:30am

great many educational professionals going into retirement, this is the BEST time to be considering a job in education. In reality, it

who can answer any question you may have about any of their programs, and how getting your teaching credentials at this university can translate to success looking for employment. For those who wish to see the various research topics that the faculty

that our former educators are leaving behind.

is working on, there is a Colloquium at the Anatol Center on Monday from 2pm to 4pm in the AS Building. On Tuesday, March 24, there will be a talk on what a Liberal Studies major can do if you are an undergraduate student and want to check out what teaching is all about before you jump into your Post-Grad credential program. This will take place from 3:30pm to 4:30pm in ED-1-18c. An International Education Mixer will occur at the same time, where students from abroad or students who want to travel abroad can talk about their interests and receive advice on studying abroad. Wednesday (March 25) from 11am to 2pm at the Central Lawn is the College of Education’s Student Assembly Mixer,

where you will have the opportunity to talk to people within the program and get a real perspective on what the classes are like. Thursday, Mach 26, is “Pizza with the Dean” at 3pm at the ED1 Lobby, and also beginning at 3pm in LA2-109 is the “GoTeach! Workshop and Student Panel.” Both are good opportunities to check out the experiences of people within the college who have obtained jobs after college. Finally, on Friday, March 27, from 12pm to 4pm at the University Student Union is the Education Job Fair where there will be 85 employers looking for students and recent grads to apply for their available jobs or internships. There will be businesses and public institutions from all over the area so go check it out!

Community

Show Your True Colors Displaying solidarity on campus for the LGBTQ community Throughout the CSULB campus, you may have noticed people wearing them. With a black background and a simple design consisting of yellow font, they can be pretty easy to miss in a crowd while moving on to your next class. But it is the message they carry that is important. The mysterious item being referred to is none other than the CSULB Supports Love shirts, which voices Associated Students’ support for the campus LGBTQ+ community. And the best part about these shirts? They directly help students. “More than half the cost of the shirts Advocacy Scholarship,” said ASI Chief of Spring semester, and the scholarship will be distributed during the Fall semester.

Although the CSULB Supports Love shirts made their debut last fall, this isn’t the Jenkins mentioned they were popular a couple of years ago, and she wanted to bring in conjunction with then Secretary for both decided that it would be great if some of the money could go back to support CSULB students. Not only does this scholarship positively a whole. CSULB’s Campus Pride Index score, an indicator of how LGBTQ+ supportive a school is, will be going up as a result of creating the Queer Advocacy scholarship, according to Jenkins. The scholarship consists of 2000 dollars

and will be awarded to one student who has overcome adversity due to their gender identity or sexual orientation and has created a positive change since then, according to Vournas. She also notes that there are more to these shirts than meets the eye. “These shirts do more then just fund an important revolutionary scholarship, they create a sense of solidarity on campus that shows a community that is often in the shadows that their identity is not only valid, but supported,” Vournas said. Aside from these shirts, Vournas listed other ways students can support the LGBTQ+ campus community such as attending Safe Zone Ally trainings where students can learn how to create a more accommodating environment for their LGBTQ+ peers

By Bronson Farr and attending Queers and Allies (Q&A) meetings, a student organization that focuses on promoting tolerance and encourage acceptance through diverse LGBTQ+ experiences. The city of Long Beach is also a proactive supporter of its LGBTQ+ community with its pride celebration in May and even with Mayor Robert Garcia, who The CSULB Supports Love shirts are available for $15.99 at the Tickets and Information center in the USU. If you are interested in applying for the Queer Advocacy scholarship, the application can be found on BeachSync.

Know Your Rights By Karrie Comfort and Eduardo Vargas Nearly an hour late, the last panelist walked in, and nearly 100 students turned attentively to the moderator; the panel discussion on net neutrality was about to begin. After playing a short clip making fun of people that couldn’t explain net neutrality, the panelists jumped right into discussion, with Journalism professor John Shrader moderating. As the debate went on, more and more faces disappeared, as students hunched over, taking notes on this extremely complex topic. Net neutrality regulations, which placed restrictions on Internet Service Providers, were passed by the Federal Communications Commission 3-2 a little over three weeks ago. While many Internet providers like Verizon, AT&T, and Comcast expressed their disappointment, there were

quite a few consumers that were pleased with the results. The event last Wednesday was hosted by the Journalism Department, as well as the USU Program Council. “Net Neutrality is a topic that affects the students more than they might initially think.” said Activities Coordinator, Taylor Buhler-Scott, “The major discussions and recent action by the FCC are decisions that impact everyone, even if they don’t realize it’s happening around them. It’s

crucial to bring events like these to the students because it exposes them to the development of the world around them, it provides an opportunity to learn something out of the classroom.” Students certainly seemed to think so and some expressed their interest in the subject by even trying to speak directly with the panelists after the discussion . The interaction between panelists was friendly and informative, however, some felt there was a clear bias in

“It’s crucial to bring events like these to the students because it exposes them to the development of the world around them.”

the pro-net neutrality side. However, Dr. James Prieger, an economics professor from exposition of the other side, even though he too was a proponent of net neutrality. “I’m still undecided on net neutrality,” Richard McEachin of KBeach said, “I see a lot hopefully this will keep private greed out of totalitarian control of the internet.” Although students may not have left the panel completely sure of which side was “right;” that tends to be a good indicator that such a complex issue was given a fair shake, giving students more understanding on a complex topic, but leaving questions as well.

Athletics

March Madness... at the NFL Outlining potential results of NFL trades By Miguel-Angel Garcia

Illustration by John Calhoun

Boy, oh BOY! This has been the craziest start to mid-March since [insert something cool and exciting that you can recollect]. For the record, I don’t think there has ever been such a start to the NFL transaction period like this past week. We’ve seen the leading rusher sign with a former division rival. We’ve seen the second best tight end (top 10 receiving threat) in the league get traded. We’ve seen the Rams trade a quarterback who hasn’t played since week seven of the 2013 season and still get better leverage in the deal. A great man by the name of Cal Naughton Jr. once said “My head’s all tied up…like a pretzel!” I believe there is no other way to describe this past week in the NFL. Without further ado, let us get a better picture of the upcoming NFL season and what all the transactions mean.

Bowl two years in a row. When he was let go this last season, he went across the state

Rex Ryan Really Is FINALLY Going To Kick Some Butt This Year If you didn’t know it, I am a huge fan of word “Sacatero.” That’s a word I made up in Mexican-Spanish (let’s make it a thing) which means “the ultimate bad-ass.” That’s exactly what Rex Ryan is. The man spent his league, coming up just short of the Super

Bills “a bully.” With the help of a General Manager who actually wants to win, that is exactly what he is doing. They have brought in running back Lesean McCoy and wide receiver Percy Harvin. Both Harvin and Ryan have enjoyed their time together in New York, and you know the rule—same state same relationship—so maybe he won’t be a cancer in the locker room. You combine all of this with a bruiser in Fred Jackson, a great up-and-coming receiver in Sammy Watkins, and a fantastic Bill defense... you got a bully. Yes, several people may ask, “Who is going to play quarterback?” To answer that question, I will have you know the last time Rex Ryan had nearly the same level of talent, he took a team lead by Mark Sanchez (the butt-fumbling one) to the previously mentioned AFC Championship games. The Dolphins Might Get That 9th Win This past week has seen the Miami Dolphins win the Ndamukong Suh sweepstakes. They have also gotten rid of the Dannell Ellerbe experiment, obtained

solid tight end in Jordan Cameron, and they’ve also traded away the [allegedly] selfbenching Mike Wallace. That’s a pretty good deal for Dolphins fans. The only problem is that March usually ends up being better for the Dolphins than January. With that being said, I actually think the Dolphins can get past the .500 mark. All of these additions and subtractions appear to have brought in positive energy and talent. Yes, Ndamukong Suh can be appropriately nicked “$uh,” but he comes in with a work ethic, talent level, and determination that may one day land him in Canton, Ohio with memories of his playing days being in Miami. The What-The-Delphia Eagles Okay, we can get over that fact that Chip in Lesean McCoy because he got a player in as talented at his position as McCoy was. The trade also opens up enough cap space to Maxwell. The biggest issue is that the Eagles traded away Nick Foles, who had a great season the season before last, for the twotime, ACL-tearing, still kind-of unproven Sam Bradford. To go along with that, the Eagles have traded away at this very moment

draft picks worth more than what the Rams sent their way. The Eagles will send a fourthround pick in 2015 and a second-round pick pick in 2015. Yes, the Eagles can get either a 2nd, 3rd, or 4th Round pick if certain criteria for Bradford aren’t met; the problem is that the Rams sent something that needed way more TLC and the Eagles still had to pay more for it. It’s just hard to see how the Eagles got the better end of this deal. Finally, let’s get to the running backs. Not only did the Eagles sign Ryan Mathews, a man who once had more broken collarbones (2) than touchdowns (1) in a season, they also paid market value for running back Demarco Murray in an era where running season so far sees an Eagles team with a far more productive defense. But, it also sees the Eagles with 3 injury prone players at the team’s usually most important positions. is a football genius. I would love to study under him. I just hate waiting to see what Chip sees. Editor’s Note: Inquiries and commentary for follow-up discussion can be submitted to Miguel’s email, miguelsmailbag@gmail.com

FEATURE

Classroom Marauders We solemnly swear that we are up to some good Intro by Molly Shannon Cover & Illustrations by Jay Jenkins

How many times in your life have you students on screen if we wish to learn about levitation and charms. However, we to yourself, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Man, I wish I could be a can make do with the subjects we actually join the Quidditch team or because you before you decide to actually invest and Union realistic, if it were humanly possible, Weekly you would immediately transfer to

invisibility cloaks needed. school set in the world of witchcraft and

drink butterbeer. You can turn birds into class, or predict the future with tea leaves

to be perfectly honest, I feel like we would

While we can daydream all day about Ravenclaw, we are ultimately forced to face the music and return to our own reality.

FEATURE

I must say, I was amazed at the transition from my daily class routine to the new atmosphere that was CSULB dance studio. The colors and design of the building

The beginning of this class started off with the instructor having the class engage in several forms of stretching exercises, all the while pumping hiphop music from the show Empire and groups like Fifth Harmony. After stretching, the dance routine practice took place, and it was pretty intense. The class danced to the

routine in front of the rest of the class. I thought this was pretty nerve-wracking since more people would be focusing on the students now, along with spectators outside of the class watching through the window. Everyone was very supportive of each other during this

repeated so many times that I found myself singing and rapping the lyrics under my breath while spectating. While simultaneously watching and softly reciting

became rather vigorous as they had to repeat it for almost the whole period. When the class came to an end, I thought to myself,

students were arranged depending on the level of skill, with the more adept in the front and less-developed toward the back. Frankly, I wasn’t surprised because I had witnessed a similar pattern amidst the students in my previous Social Dance and Country Dancing courses. Near the of class, the students were placed into three groups, with each group having to perform the

badasses in the front, but I would still take this class

Would I be judged for entering a class I did not belong

one. Coming in late doesn’t seem to be a big deal either. The professor simply continued lecturing on.

to blend in with the other students. I’ll admit that I came in a bit late to copy editor Elliott’s oceanography class. Some backstory before my journey into a never-taken-before class, I was running late because of a breakfast burrito. Since oceanography was taking place in a lecture hall, I figured I could eat my breakfast in there. But running late was unexpected. While speed-walking from the parking structure, with my steamy breakfast burrito in hand, I doubted I would be able to make it in time to enter the hall without being noticed. Elliott and I had exchanged messages while I walked. He did reassure me that being late wouldn’t be a problem. No roll was taken. What also relieved me was that after I had entered late, a couple of other students entered in late as well. So, I wasn’t the only

Compared to the lecture hall in HSCI, it was much smaller. Because of this and the fact that the students

one was disruptive. I doubt anyone was too distracted, or unable to learn, though I did hear the occasional sigh. Maybe it was just me that felt the class was at a faster pace than my own. Another thing I noticed was how the professor was courteous enough to pause every once in a while, which allowed the students to take down notes. This came as a surprise to me, since classes are usually fast-paced, leaving students the need to write down every note at top speed. But not for this one—students could write at their own pace. My experience in oceanography was not horrible,

It’s chemistry, it should be fun! Fuck no. Last time, I

particular chapter being discussed was a challenge

memorized information went to my brain dumpster. I pretty much forgot about Avogadro’s number like girls forget my number. The class was in a lecture hall filled with potential Walter Whites and Pinkmans. I know Bill Nye would be proud to see this. I took the class seriously. With my notebook, pens, and game face on, I sat down. Let’s do this! As per usual, life disappointed me; the professor

I sat there in silence. My eyes widened. I looked at the clock, 11:00am; a wasted Friday sleep-in. For the next hour and a half, I sat there and regretted my presence and my decisions in life that led up to that moment. There were moments where I wanted to learn. I desired to learn, but I didn’t want to be that dumb-ass

CSULB; it was like the studio was some exclusive and high-class performing arts educational facility that was hard to get into. I felt like I wasn’t worthy to step foot into the building. But I did, and was amazed by its studios and the overwhelming talent in the air. I attended our Literature Editor Elizabeth’s hiphop class, but chose to sit in rather than physically participate because there was no way in HELL that I would be able to keep up with the current dance routines mid-semester in this course. As an economics major, I would have never imagined myself taking a class in the dance building for any reason, unless I were to actually switch to a dance major (I considered it for a split second). The people there seemed more lively than the people around CBA.

not a math lab! I asked some guy next to me if the professor was any good. He told me that he was a great teacher and explains the concepts well. However, the

growling stomach yearned for it, I didn’t want to eat while the professor spoke. For a 75-minute lecture, the class actually went by faster than my physics class which runs for the same understand either. All of the information needed was on PowerPoints for students to copy to their notebooks or laptops. I did listen to parts of the lecture and tried to be engaged; however, the other part of the time I worked on my laptop. I wasn’t the only one who did this either. A good handful of other students were on their laptops,

performing. It seemed as though they were judged

I’m open to all subjects, even if they don’t relate to my major. It’s great to learn, so I found it worthwhile to spend my morning crashing a friend’s class rather than indulging in my breakfast burrito.

those who took notes whispered to their friends, but no

be that slacker who didn’t read the materials or should be studying this at home. I aimed to not be the outcast who doesn’t belong in the class, exposing himself. I acknowledge that I was one for being there, but I was not going to expose my stupidity. I should have taken art class or went to some sport class or something better

than this. I let my nerdy desires get the best of me. I laughed at the mere possibility of such a scenario happening. It would be a good comic relief, but knowing how the class took it seriously, I sat there in agony. The professor didn’t even crack any chemistry jokes. assigned homework and focused on explaining why professor and great voice because he kept me awake. At one point, he laughed at a mistake he made. He laughed at a math error. Not because it was funny to laugh at mistakes, I encourage that, but to ease the awkwardness the class felt he openly pointed out his error. Poor guy, I’m pretty sure he has chemistry jokes, but I think all of them are gone.

FEATURE

Head down, legs sprawled, back slouched, I sat in a

As the teacher began another class of Japanese

noises when I walked into Lecture Hall 151 a few Pigs and Battleships Just when I felt grateful that I chose to sneak into

Arts

Festival of Lights Wonders of the LA Chinese Lantern Festival

Words and Photos by Christopher Orozco

I visited El Pueblo de Los Angeles Historical Monument to see what the fuss was all about concerning the Chinese Lantern Festival. (Thanks Renee, for the Facebook post). Upon arrival, I had no clear idea on what to do besides buying food for my empty belly. After getting a quick bite at a local Chinese food truck, I ventured towards sightings of big, white, pitched tents. When I reached one, I immediately saw a sign hanging below it with English words reading “lantern making” and Chinese characters beside it. I stood there confused because I originally thought that I would learn to legitimately weave a full Chinese lantern made of fabrics and metals. Realizing this outcome, the festival’s arts and crafts are aimed at the general public’s curiosity about Chinese American culture. I decided to stay for the education and childish fun since I am a grown child myself. I had one underlying challenge: how

construction paper. The Chinese characters there centered around phrases and words of the virtues and fortunes of the New Year theme. As dorky as I am, I was attracted to the character for “love.” If I knew the Chinese character for love, maybe I could draw this character on people’s shoulders and notebooks and be like that middle school boy who teased you. Or better yet, be that “philosophical wise ass” who answers questions like “Chris, what do I do with my life?” by whipping out a brush and black paint and slowly writing the Chinese character for love on your hand

the hell was I going take all these arts and crafts home when I got here on foot?! I came loaded with a longboard, a traveler’s backpack, and a heavy jacket. I wished I came by car rather than skateboard on the pavement and tapping the metro lines to Los Angeles. It was a full two-hour trip from Long Beach to Los Angeles and another two coming back. For the next couple hours at El Pueblo, I explored around for a bit, looking at the arts and crafts of Chinese American culture. As I looked, I hoped I would come to a decision about which art pieces I would take home. There was abacus-making, greeting card-making, and ram puppet making. Why was there ram puppet making? It’s the Year of the Sheep (Goat or Ram) which represents those born in 2015, 2003, 1991, and 1979 ( just keep subtracting 12 years). Apparently, their personality is calm and gentle. They have delicate thoughts and

prefer to be in groups. Pretty much a sheep’s behavior. Speaking of sheep, there was a Build-A-Sheep workshop with cotton balls, printouts of sheep faces and legs and tails. As weird as it seems to bring a sheep home, From page coloring to making an abacus with beans, these numerous childrencentered arts and crafts could not satisfy me. In retrospect, it would have been dope to have a bean abacus, bring it to college calculus, and be a smart-ass with it, but I forgot to how to read abacuses. I know what you’re thinking: Chris, you’re actually interested you?! Okay, okay, sheesh! When I arrived at the Chinese calligraphy workshop, there were long tables with large posters of Chinese characters with sequential instructions on how to correctly use the right brush strokes. They set you up with

You would proceed to ask me, “What the hell did you draw?” Then I’d say, “Love.” Cue the stars and

Trained professionals perform a traditional Chinese lion dance from within a lion costume at the LA Chinese Lantern Festival (left); traditional Chinese foods are displayed and labeled for inquiring minds (center); a visitor practices writing the Chinese character for “love” (right)

Lifestyle

Ways of the Wind Providing a solid friendship through unorthodox means

I am spontaneous like a whirlwind. I am simple like a breeze. The way I move is as arbitrary as my thoughts. How I live is more mysterious to me than to anyone else. I do not have a set repetitive routine. Each week is a surprise to me. While I know the schedule of my classes and the free time I have in between those classes, I do not have a set of routines that I must do. I think this is one of the issues that friends and family members have with me. I tend to not follow through with all my actions. If you want to hang with me, you need to accompany me. I need someone to hold my hand, support my thoughts, and carry me with them. In return, you can trust that I will support you like a kite in the sky.

Just like the wind, I like to carry dirt and dust. Occasionally, I tease and annoy others to bring out their emotions and thoughts. However, I simply do this to spark conversation and to make them energetic. All I want to do is bring life into them. Yet, I know my words can also be like distasteful bursts of gusts. They can cause one to blink in utter shock that I will openly say such things. In some extreme cases, my words are to water up. When this happens, my night is often silent, just like when the wind is absenta dead sound without a motion. How can I continue to be myself and remain truthful in words and actions? I make others become aware of my weaknesses and

strengths. I would like to believe that I have damn well I do not. It would bother the hell out of me if I were as silent as I was my years in high school and middle school. I know there are things that I probably should not say, but I say them nonetheless. I do it out of pure comedy, only because I believe that life should not be taken seriously. If people have personal issues with my lifestyle choices, I welcome them to a compromise and place solid rocks of solution in front of my wind. Those rocks will be landmarks for my thoughts and words; they will remind me to go around them. The opposite is true. If people enjoy my lifestyle, I ask them to make chimes for my

By Jon Robins

lifestyle. I will gladly play the chimes. I will be there to support you with my body. I will glide across streets, weather, and time to reach you. I am passionate and swift. You have my soul. I will attempt to bring a peaceful breeze into your life. At the same time, you must warn me if I make my stay too windy for you to handle. I am a hidden whirlwind, but if you have a rope and strong arms to guide me, then, maybe you might enjoy me. Just like the wind, I cannot stay long in your life. I need to move. If I stay too long, a storm may come along or I will die out into the silence of the cold dark starry night. But my absent is not permanent, I will breathe into your life. Again and againâ&#x20AC;Ś

Music

West Coastin’ Self Help Festival makes its reappearance in the Inland Empire By Kaila Hardaway

Photos by Adam Elmakias

After setting the bar with a stellar lineup and a turnout of over 12,000 people on its very

Inside, who later played on the same stage, was crazy. Because they were one of the grimier bands to perform, the crowd went absolutely nuts during each and every second of their set, creating massive mosh pits and crowd surfers galore.

Self Help Festival was going to be interesting. Self Help Fest debuted last year at the NOS Events Center in San Bernardino and made an East Coast appearance in the fall. Now, labeled as “Self Help Festival: West Coast Edition,” the festival reappeared in Southern California, and let me tell you: it was epic. festival. Created by Florida-based band A Day to Remember, the goal is to line up bands that people feel a certain connection to—bands that share the metal core, post-hardcore, and pop punk ethos and have some type of material that embodies the movement of music that they are a part of. Although hardcore music is rough around the edges,

year, Pierce the Veil slayed their performance and even performed an encore song with Sleeping with Sirens frontman Kellin Quinn. Breathe Carolina, a long time favorite of mine, is known to be the perfect fusion between hardcore and electronic music. During their set, they really brought the rave to the rock show. They were hands down the most involved with the crowd, and they truly got the crowd pumping more than the

Compared to last year, Self Help Fest immense meaning and conveys a sense of belonging for those who struggle with daily hardships. ADTR centered this event around that notion, creating an atmosphere unlike any other music festival.

which included big names like Of Mice and Men, Bring Me the Horizon, and emerging groups like Beartooth and Issues. Pierce the Veil and Sleeping with Sirens, , headlined

bands listed included The Devil Wears Prada, Before the event, I decided to check out a few of the unfamiliar bands, and I became obsessed with two in particular: PVRIS and The Ghost Inside. I made it my mission to see them during their sets. PVRIS (pronounced “Paris”) killed their set. As an emerging band led by a bad-ass chick singer, the band played a wide variety of songs, including a slow opener and their most beloved tune, “My House.” The Ghost

Amid the dynamic rock atmosphere, PVRIS’ lead singer Lynn Gunn sets down the tempo with her voice (top); as the crowd cheers while singing along, The Ghost Inside encourages their fans to join the fun and put their hands up (middle); Breathe Carolina enters the Self Help festival’s stage and greets the audience with heavy enthusiasm (bottom).

much more personal, rather than relying on their big names to draw in and entertain the crowd. The bands who performed this year interacted with the crowd a lot, giving speeches and shout outs to the other performing bands. Band members were even spotted casually walking around which gave fans a chance to get a picture and an Festival this year or last, look out for the next lineup for the West Coast Edition at the end

Entertainment

The Most Repetitive Company on Earth Will Disney’s Dumbo remake touch on the inequalities of the company’s past? By Andrew Linde The Hollywood Reporter recently announced that macabre director Tim Burton will direct a live-action Dumbo remake for Disney. This news is both surprising and unsurprising. Surprising in the fact that Burton is returning to direct another live-action Disney remake following his Alice in Wonderland from 2010, unsurprising in that Disney is continuing to haphazardly remake its own roster of classic Most recently, Disney returned to the well with Cinderella, directed by Kenneth as the 1950 animated version, but with real people instead of animation and CGI birds and mice instead of hand drawn creatures. What’s most troubling is how adaptations can blind viewers to problems that still exist with the story. Disney doesn’t always have the best track record when it comes to representations of minorities. The animated Cinderella from 1950 did not have any people of color in it. Certainly that was common at the time, but it should not be swept under the rug. Branagh’s Cinderella features black British actor Nonso Anozie as a prominent character. In fact, I noticed a variety of skin colors when Cinderella goes to the ball. This is a kind of reimagining that ignores race issues, and perhaps pretends they don’t exist. I can only wonder how Burton will handle the crow characters from Dumbo. For those who don’t recall, there are a group of crows who sing in Dumbo, led by Jim Crow. Yes, the leader of the crows was named after racial segregation laws. All of the crows were played by African-Americans except their

“Whenever Disney a chance to rewrite their own history.”

Burton face this controversial element of the original head-on or will he simply erase it from the script, and history itself? When Disney retold the story of Sleeping Beauty from the perspective of its villain in , it wasn’t simply telling how a woman became evil. It was an allegory about

in the original animated feature, but it was added with care and perhaps as a way to show survivors of rape are not to be blamed. Burton’s own track record with remakes

the animals in his Dumbo be stop-motion animated or give it a twisted look like he did with Alice in Wonderland? Whenever Disney remakes one of their

directed are remakes or based on real events. As recently as 2012, Burton remade his own Frankenweenie as a stop-motion animated full length feature. This, no doubt, is to remind viewers of his connection to The Nightmare Before Christmas on his short poem. Will Burton insist that

rewrite their own history. They can ignore the troubling parts of their legacy, like the crows from Dumbo or the lack of representation in older princess tales, or they can use them as examples of inequality in the past and a need to move towards better recognition of

Editor’s Note: To hear more of Andrew’s thoughts on movies and TV shows, listen to his podcast on iTunes or at www. nevpodcast.com.

Travel

Driving Down Los Angeles Gallavanting around the city with a Bugatti

Enjoying the typical California life, Chris took several trips to the beach to enjoy the sunny weather (bottom left); his thirst to explore new places led him to a road trip from California up to Vancouver, Canada with friends (center left)

Have you ever left Long Beach? Of course, you have. No one can sit next to the beach all day without thinking, “Man, I’m in need of some pollution and congested freeways!” Okay, so maybe you’ve never thought that. But maybe you have thought about a trip to little old Los Angeles to see some cool sights your friends have been posting on Instagram all year. At least, that’s what I did. Last weekend, the license-less girl you are reading about scored a free ride to LA with her boyfriend in a Bugatti. He didn’t want me shaming him on his ’97 Chevy truck. I did the whole museum scene, hopping from MOCA to LACMA to other acronymridden locations until I realized I missed the fresh(ish) air. Asking Siri for a cool sight to

By Marilyn Perez

to see the view during the day. It was my lucky day! Camera in hand and my trusty driver by my side, we took a nice 45-minute drive deeper into LA, where to Los Feliz, the lovely and snooty home area lying at the base of the hill. The homes lined were done crying about the lack of money our careers would lead to, we drove into one of the most gorgeous scenes of the afternoon. After quickly discovering the two-mile parking spot, my co-explorer dragged me to a the side of the road. Walking as low to the earth as possible, I prepared myself for the end of life until we reached the edge. The clouds appeared to have multiplied

informed me of a paradise with a view, the Now, I have been to a high-altitude location many times before but only at night. My favorite scene had to be the streets lined by thousands of streetlights that produced the luminescent glow pollution. This was caused by the window lights of LA’s most daunting buildings, With names I’ve never heard of, become the stars’ replacement of the evening. This was after walking about half a mile from parking while being cold and sweaty. I swore that time would be the last until I got

exterior shaded the land before us: lush, green trees cut by trails where people escaped to in search of this crisp day, shining skyscrapers as far as the eye could see, and even a small spotting of the dim ocean crying for our return. losing my footing, I shot everything in sight. The small artist in me badgered myself for being afraid of a beautiful opportunity. Once I got what I liked, I scurried back to the road and headed home where the worst thing to worry about is a bad sunburn.

Travel

The Glorious Climb A weekend of relaxation in San Luis Obispo

The breathtaking view on their way to the top of the hike certainly helped Jonathon and his sister relieve the stress they were feeling (left)

By Jonathan Beltran

My sister and I were on a road trip to San Luis Obispo to seek some rest and recovery from our stress at home and work. She was fed up with book editing, and I was stressed out about my academic performance of my senior year of high school. Upon our arrival, we met with my sister’s friend who provided us with the warmest hospitality we could have hoped for. They treated us to a Tri-tip dinner at the Firestone Grill. They gave us a tour around Downtown San Luis Obispo. They also treated us to an organic hot chocolate at the hip Kreuzberg

continued up the hill, over steep climbs with burning calf muscles. The way up there was a dreaded zig-zag path. When we reached the end of one trail, it starked of another. During the climb, my sister and I almost tripped to our death. We were fearful we would become a part of the rocks and dry plants below. After climbing up a few rocks, we reached up to the summit, and the sight on top of that peak was more than astounding. It was marvelous. At the peak was a beautiful milky white layer of clouds with the Sierra Mountains in the distance, and the sun rising

Early morning, my sister’s friend decided that we all go for a hike on San Luis Obispo’s tallest hills, Bishop Peak. Known for its captivating sights on the summit, my sister and I were more than excited to trek such a hill. With our Saucony running shoes, we brave three trekked on San Luis Obispo’s prominent natural wonder. At the base of the hill, we scaled through rocks and thick tree roots that conquered the terrain. Numerous twists and turns snaked through the trail. Once we passed the base of the mountain rocks became boulders, plants became trees, and the cool air became misty and cold. We

“Cloud Generator” is the best way to envision such a sight for its soothing guitar strumming and ethereal electronic synths. My sister and I felt this was our reward for conquering our problems. We shouted in triumph, knowing that we have scaled the tallest hill of all of San Luis Obispo! No longer were we stuck at the bottom of our problems; we are on top of it and seeing what we have accomplished. We eventually had to come down to ground level, but the hike up Bishop Peak gave us a sense of accomplishment and exhilaration. We triumphed the dangers that surrounded the mountain and to see where we were, at the peak.

Being able to see so much nature was a great reward for Jonathan (bottom left); the shining sun was surely the pinnacle of the tough hike Jonathan did (bottom right)

Literature

Spot the Wit in the Limerick A collection of strange limericks in light of Saint Patrick’s Day

Illustration by Eva Grello

The Walk-In

That Girl Ain’t Loyal

One Night Show

This guy in class was a loner. He tried to be cool in front of stoners. One day he learned some jokes, But they laughed because he had a boner.

Eddy had a date with Betty. They were going out together for spaghetti. He stopped by the house, Her father came out. He thought, “Wait a minute, she’s fucking Freddy!”

Once there was a guy named Joe, Who wanted to take a girl to a show. He went to the girl’s father, And asked if he could borrow her. The father said, “Heaven’s, no!”

Starstruck

Don’t Be Stupid

Vengeance

Black Lodge

By Stella Burke

By Elizabeth Nguyen

By Georgia Canaree

By Laura Palmer

There once was a fellow named Lars, Who was great on the parallel bars.

A few cups of bleach were suggested, And then, on an empty stomach, ingested. The instructions did warn, The lungs would be torn, But at least his stupidity was bested.

That boy, he called me a cunt. That boy, he was a little runt. So I slit his throat,

The owls are not what they seem. This is a nightmare, not a dream. In the end, I die— How I’ll miss cherry pie,

By Christopher Orozco

He fell on his lip, And then he really saw stars!

To Forget Remember the importance of life By Samantha Nguyen

Editor’s Note: Samantha Nguyen was a graduate of CSULB who passed away March 14 at the age of 24 due to a stroke. Her friend submitted Samantha’s poem as a dedication to her memory and to remind us not ‘To Forget.’

He shouldn’t have been so blunt.

We forget sometimes, Well, we forget a lot. We forget things that are important in life, Not grateful for what we got. The small things in life Are the biggest things that mater the most, We only tend to our wants and our needs, To forget is not a sin, Not a crime, yet a lack of self-discipline. All there is needed to do is sit back and listen. Listen to God’s creations: The birds singing, The humming birds humming, Children laughing, And just watching; Looking, seeing the waves of the sea, On top, a bumble bee, The clouds in the sky, The colors of the sunrise, To watch your loved ones grow in front of your eyes. But we all forget sometimes, And all we need to do is remember, That with God, family, and friends Nothing can measure. So remember, don’t forget, Just remember, That life, life itself, is a treasure. Samantha Nguyen (above) graduated with the CSULB class of 2014

Food

TPB

I’m obsessed with the Traditional Pork Belly sandwich How do I judge food? Enough to consider it as a goddamn delicacy among the many pleasures in my mere mortal life. Never before have I tasted the gods’ nectar as I did during a one-time trip to the Los Angeles Chinese American History Festival; it was in the form of the T.P.B., better known as the Traditional Pork Belly. Fore-warning: this bad-ass dead pig sandwich is highly sexualized in my coming descriptions. No pun intended. So, salivate your mouths, you junk food lovers, because it’s that good! orgasm in your mouth. It is meaty and sweet in its sliced up stretches. A Chinese version of Mexico’s “barba-co-ah.” It is that one meat at

Chipotle you have never ordered until now! If that’s not erotic enough, Fifty Shades of Grey readers, it has cashew nuts to accompany the juicy meat. With great meat comes great responsibilities—the buns! Ladies, not those types of buns, put them away! Now, these buns are the ones that got Sir Mix-a-Lot singing. There’s a reason why he sang, “Red beans and rice didn’t miss…” They should substitute it with these buns because this shizz was that good. These buns were steamy, sticky, and soft, not your wheat or heavy grain buns with holes. These were like pizza dough coming out of the oven—so warm, so soft,

else. We will eat them towards extinction. Back to the sandwich—it also included a limited specialty of an ultra-mini Caesar salad without the croutons. What’s a Caesar salad? Lettuce, tomatoes, and any other vegetables substitutes, because why not pay more for someone to cut up your veggies than saving money for yourself? I am not complaining or dissing, homies! My main man, Caesar (dressing), gives it that sandwich of meat and nuts. Enough with this non-sequitur food critic’s references, down to my rating! I am well known for rating my food through my deep-thinking analogies. Four and a half out

these types of buns at Costco or somewhere

The traditional Chinese pork belly sandwich envelops tangy beef, while cilantro and cashews top the bun; it is served piping hot.

By Christopher Orozco are not needed as my killer descriptions say above; however, the minus half a point is serious. I hate pricey food that does not match its quantity. The sandwich size was the size of sandwich,or iPhone 3 versus 4s stacked on each other. If it had six iPhone 4 stacks, then, it might be a 5. If they had thrown in a better combo deal to compensate for the 13 dollars, then maybe a 5.1 because the soda was small and the chips were high school cafeteria’s sizes. Other than that, the combo was not worth my one week worth of groceries.

Volume 76 Issue 10

Monday, March 23, 2015

LBUNION.COM

DISCLAIMER: SIDARTHUR. More interesting? We are 1,000 miles from home in a New York police station with a drunken rock star waiting for your dead father to show up. You want to be more interesting? More interesting than what? This page is satire/parody and does not represent ASI nor the CSULB campus. Submit things to grunion@lbunion.com.

I Need #Meninism Because I #Suck Confessions of a Meninist Drama Queen It’s KING! This is why we need #meninism! Here’s the thing, all you F-EM - I - N - I - S - T- S reading this right now—feminism is extremely , E X T R E M E LY probably more c o n t r a d i c t ions By Robert J. Shortdick within the world of feminism than there are boating shoes doing everything themselves, right? So why are men always expected to do stuff for them? Like buy tampons for them and ask them out on dates? That’s why Meninism will pick up where feminism Think of all of the men who have set the tempo for this great country: Sherlock Holmes, King Henry VIII, Dick Cheney— all true heroes of American history, heroes

once with this chick named Dana and automatically assumed to have the my LEGS? Are you implying I’m sexually promiscuous? It’s YOUR vagina, Dana! Figure it out! You are the host, and I am Speaking of hypersexualization, we need #meninism because of a little catcalling is annoying or frightening or sexual harassment to you, but at the end of the day, it’s my goddamn right to catwhatever—so that allows my ass to say whatever the fuck I want because of the I need #meninism because I shouldn’t be expected to give up my bus seat to girls and old people, even though I am

Okay, I’ve kept calm so far, but I really can’t hide my true feels any a rich and awful history you’ve had to endured that has let men uphold power clingy much? Women talk about how there’s “unequal pay,” yet businesses will hire

Women also talk about how they are oversexualized, but I’ve got news

as a #meninist in a society that already caters to my every need is to make threat to masculinity and manliness and

#MENINISM2K12

INSIDE

MAN FINDS COMFORT WITH BROCCOLI, BREAKS UP WITH LAVA CAKE

LOCAL GECKO SPOTTED WITH LOCAL PRAYING/PREYING MANTIS/TAYLOR SWIFT

AFTER YEARS OF RESEARCH, NASA REPORTS URANUS IS STILL HURTING

SEAGULLS EAT BETTER THAN ON-CAMPUS RESIDENTS, STUDY SUGGESTS