The SOAR Editon by Union Weekly

Intro

Summer Issue Katie Cortez, Editor in Chief editorinchief@lbunion.com Beatriz Villa, Managing Editor manager@lbunion.com Renee Schmiedeberg, Assistant Managing Editor assistmanager@lbunion.com

Cover by John Calhoun

By Katie Cortez It is 11:39 pm on Tuesday, June 23 and I’m sitting in the Union Weekly

Sam Orihuela, Art Director artdirector@lbunion.com Trevor Desrosiers, Advertising Executive advertising@lbunion.com

Union Weekly

ART & DESIGN John Calhoun, Illustration Editor illustration@lbunion.com

EDITORIAL Elizabeth Nguyen, Co-Opinions Editor opinions@lbunion.com

Beca Vega, Co-Opinions Editor opinions@lbunion.com

Ktez

Joel Martinez, Community Editor community@lbunion.com Bailey Mount, Campus Editor campus@lbunion.com Richard Mejia, Athletics Editor athletics@lbunion.com Madison Gallegos, Arts Editor arts@lbunion.com Andrew Linde, Entertainment Editor entertainment@lbunion.com Elliot Gatica, Music Editor music@lbunion.com Hanna Suarez, Lifestyle Editor lifestyle@lbunion.com

Here’s a list of some events to keep an eye out for this fall: Week of Welcome: September 2-3, 11:00-2:00 pm

Smorgasport: September 4 , 7:00 pm – 12:00 am

Homecoming: November 14

Amanda Dominquez-Chio, Literature Editor literature@lbunion.com Marilyn Ramirez, Travel Editor travel@lbunion.com Kaila-Marie Hardaway, Food Editor food@lbunion.com TBD, Grunion Editor grunion@lbunion.com STAFF WRITERS Lauren Hunter, lauren@lbunion.com Karrie Comfort, karrie@lbunion.com Sahar Kachroo, sahar@lbunion.com Cesar Cadeas, cesar@lbunion.com Sylvana Uribe, sylvana@lbunion.com Emily Ayers, emily@lbunion.com COPY & ASSISTANT EDITORS Carissa Pope, Mario Lopez, Jacquelyn Villalba, Karen Ruiz

And here’s a couple of events to look forward to later this year: ASI’s Big Event:

An Evening with…:

ADVERTISING INTERNS Joel Kuehn, Jacqueline Simon CONTRIBUTORS [YOUR NAME COULD BE HERE!]

@UnionWeekly

Disclaimer and Publication Information: The Union Weekly is published using ad money and partial funding provided by the Associated Students, Inc. All Editorials are the opinions of their individual authors, not the Union Weekly, ASI nor CSULB. All students are welcome and encouraged to be a part of the Union Weekly staff. All letters to the editor will be considered for publication. However, CSULB students will have precedence. Please include name and major for all submissions. They are subject to editing and will not be returned. Letters may or may not be edited for grammar, spelling, punctuation, and length. The Union Weekly will publish anonymous letters, articles, editorials, and illustration, but must have your name and information attached for our records. Letters to the editor should be no longer than 500 words. The Union Weekly assumes no responsibility, nor is it liable, for

4 Athletics

*Found in 75.10

Snitch It or Quidditch It By Jacky Linares

Photos by Oscar Bautista

Despite being a new one, they managed to reach to the most important competition known to Quidditch players and fans—the

became Rookies of the Year by making it to

Now, their goals are to again make it to the World Cup, and they’ve been recruiting who had no idea of what they were doing, but they made it all the way to the World Often enough, when there are a lot of novice players on a team, the best way to “break” these players into form is to throw them into tournaments, so they experience what

novices comes from Week of Welcome, serendipity (they did not need any Felix They’ve been alternating parks when they hold practices and been going to Seal Beach

They took what they learned from

Last September, the Quidditch team rose like a Phoenix from the ashes and started

players test the waters and practice teamwork versatile—be prepared for anything in this game,” says Moroz on what kind of mentality Hannah Moroz says that in order to have a good team, everyone needs to be comfortable

Being a co-gendered sport on campus, there’s a rule: there needs to be at least two

friends and once you’re in that mindset, that’s when people want to put in the work that gets

and vice versa, they need to keep things

chemistry within the team is established, the

a platform to see how women and men interact with one another in a competitive

and unfortunately there are instances of

“Anyone is welcome,” according to Moroz, whether you’re a woman, man, goblin, werewolf, half-giant or the The Boy Who Lived; their practice times are Thursdays 6pm to 7pm, and Sundays 3pm until 5pm at

*Found in 76.9

FEATURE

Respecting Culture Young Muslim Americans perspectives on rising above negative stereotypes By Alfred Pallarca

Islam is one of the fastest growing religions in the United States. More than 1.2 billion people in the world belong to the faith, and a staggering six million are citizens of the US. With this astounding number, it seems that the majority of Americans know very little about the faith and Muslims in general. Besides negative stereotypes depicted and portrayed through biased news outlets such as Fox News or CNN, plenty of Americans are misinformed about the Islamic faith and/or possess a preconceived idea of a Muslim person. Furthermore, it does not help that numerous media outlets associate Muslim Americans and the Islamic faith with terror and

violence because of the current predicament transpiring in the Middle East. “News outlets are considering you as some type of foreign thing that is dangerous and very violent,” said Heba Ali, a sophomore Kinesiology student at Cal State Long Beach. “The media has presented this us versus them mentality. When that mentality is presented by the media, people will look at you as the ‘them’ and they are ‘us.’” Certainly with these negative stereotypes perpetuated by mainstream media, living as a Muslim American in the US presents multiple challenges. Considering Heba is a hijaby Muslim America—meaning she wears the Islamic headscarf

known as the hijab—, Heba faces or leaves an airport. “The minute I walk through the airport, I usually get stares,” she said. “I mean, usually it is friendly, nothing serious or negative.” Surely, her hijab causes several people to be curious. However, according to Heba, though most people stare at her with a smile, she is no stranger to the stern glare of the misinformed. To make things worse, every time she enters the TSA check line she is always “randomly” checked for inspection. “They say it is random,” she said, “but every time I go to the airport, I am ‘randomly’ selected, every single time. I have never not been searched.”

FEATURE

â&#x20AC;&#x153;I try to show them what Islam is through my actions and my character.â&#x20AC;?

negative stories about Muslim people or

Heba explained that being in a university student life, worrying about midterms and enters an airport she is reminded that she is still a person or a symbol of a faith that

He explained that in 2011, he witnessed an anti-Muslim protest in front of an

explained that being a hijaby Muslim or even a Muslim in general, she feels that it

one of the most hurtful things was that reminds me that people see me as a threat,

Although a Muslim person might not even be wearing a hijab and is not dressed

me, see me as a threat and are very ignorant

She was in seventh grade and was living

and bombarded with questions a nonsurely dissappointing; however, both Heba and Shaheryar admitted that they said

Shaheryar

Javed,

it on every morning or when she would

third-year said that the idea of her being judged for

Shaheryar further explained that the purpose of the hijab is not to oppress

FEATURE

as a tool to empower women. It is modesty. We are not trying to sexualize women. Let a woman be judged by her character and her actions and not by the way she looks.” Shaheryar stated that the concept of a hijab does not only apply to women, but it carries over to men as well. He said that in the Quran, men are instructed to lower their gaze towards women. “If he sees a woman walking by and he feels a physical attraction, he should lower his gaze,” he said. “He should be modest. He should speak to her eloquently, not derogatorily.” Although seen with some negative stereotypes by many American people, the hijab in the Muslim community is a sign of empowerment and a way for women to feel a deeper connection to their faith. However, wearing it or not wearing it does not make a Muslim woman better or worse. “It doesn’t make you more or less of a Muslim by not wearing the scarf,” said Heba. She explained that you could observe two Muslim women with one wearing a scarf and one without. It would be impossible to identify which one of the women is a better Muslim. Shaheryar said that several women in his family chose not to wear the hijab, but it does not mean they are any less committed to the faith. “There are struggles for both women who are wearing a scarf and not,” said Heba. “There is a struggle inside. You don’t get to see because it is an inner struggle.” Heba explained that perhaps some women refrain from wearing the hijab in the US because the headscarf is not seen as the norm. Many women struggle between whether to feel closer to their faith or feel some sort of isolation from the public. Despite all the struggles that some of the Muslim community face, both Heba and Shaheryar view their experiences as positive events that can be learned from and applied in their lives. “The whole idea of being a Muslim is to struggle,” said Heba. “The more you struggle, the more good deeds that you have. How you overcome those struggles is what matters.” Heba admitted that mainstream media could be ignorant plenty of times. Furthermore, she thinks our government has still not been

Nonetheless, Heba feels that there are still to combat such negativity that she might plenty of media outlets that tell the truth. receive from some people. She certainly uses her knowledge about her faith to representatives who are truly serving their ensure people who ask her get the proper constituents to the best of their ability,” she information. “We have the power of our said. “There are people, American citizens, voices,” she said. Amidst some negative who have acceptance and understanding in treatments and experiences, Heba and their hearts.” love and support not just from people at CSULB but from people outside the “I am a Muslim woman campus as well. “We also experience more love from people rather than hate,” with both Arab and said Heba. “ More often than not, there is American blood running understanding on campus and outside. I at a stoplight and this guy just rolled through my veins…Yes, I was down his window and made a point to say, can be all three, they are ‘Hey have a nice day.’’ Heba explained that incident certainly shows how people not mutually exclusive. this would go out of their way to show their In fact, I think they humanity regardless if she was wearing a complement each other scarf or not.

perfectly.”

Shaheryar shared his experience witnessing a girl wearing a niqab, a cloth that covers the face as a part of sartorial hijba, being insulted by religious protesters on campus. “She actually spoke back to him,” he said. “She started debating him, and some of her friends jumped in. It is just really cool to see that.” He said that despite her being covered, she continued to defend her faith and herself, which surely does not represent the oppression that many people perceive. Shaheryar said

Although many Americans feel one way or another towards Muslim Americans, Shaheryar feels he is very much American just like any other citizen of the country. “For me, being an American is fairly simple,” he said. “It’s my identity. I was born and raised in the US. I grew up valuing the many rights we have as citizens that are promised in the US Constitution, such as the right to practice religion freely and community people have in the university everyone is equal before the law.” level considering other people who did not know the girl also came up to her defense. As for Heba, she has certainly struggled Both Heba and Shaheryar urge people who she is. When she visits Jordan, she is outside of the Muslim faith to research considered a foreigner and “American,” and ask questions. “Most Muslims you will here in the US as well, she is considered by meet are more than happy to explain why plenty to be a foreigner and not belonging they are doing something,” said Heba. “We to this country. However, she said that is best to get information about Islam or else does. “I am a Muslim woman with Muslim people straight from the source both Arab and American blood running rather than a misguided reporting from through my veins,” she said. “Yes, I can be certain media outlets. all three, they are not mutually exclusive. In fact, I think they complement each If you would like to know more other perfectly.” For Heba, the epitome information about the Muslim Student of what being an American is just this: to Association on campus, you can attend coexist with people from various cultures, meetings Thursdays at 5pm in USU 305. traditions, beliefs, and languages.

its underrepresented citizens in a humane Furthermore, Heba explained that still people who have hate in their hearts. being an American means having a voice

*Found in 76.3

Arts

Collage of Controversy

By Christopher Orozco

Pasting his own approach to modern art

Photos by Renee Schmiedeberg

I became an art-aholic when I was 20 years old. How did this happen? I had an empty frame and everyone would comment on it saying, “I like how artistic and simple it is,” or the occasional “I see modern art work is getting out of hand, but I understand it.” No one fucking understands modern art besides those who fool themselves to believe that it is art and those who know bullshit when they see it. This is my opinion and I will admit that I am ignorant in art. I am not saying that classic artworks are masterpieces either. There are a couple of well-known artists that made aesthetic, one-of-a-kind pieces while the rest of their work is utter bull dung. Back to the subject of the empty frame; one day, I snapped. My roommate commented again on how it was always empty and I lost it. I harnessed my frustration and drove it into a passion. I wanted to create a collage that would be a “fuck you” to all those who hated on my empty frame. None of that online-pay-for-someone-to-do-mya value on my original content. My mind machine-gunned through ideas until I picked up the scissors and the tape and the magazines. I gathered my collection of Time Magazines (over a hundred since four-year subscription at only 60 dollars). Instead of being a super info-maniac and calling out theories, I decided to use the modern, beautiful pictures and art from the Time Magazines and make collages out of them. Let me tell you a secret: Time Magazine has the hippest underground minimalistic fonts to pictures of groundbreaking events to models, Time Magazine is the shiz-niz in the business of snip-niz.

Over the course of winter break, I created the other is currently being worked on. One of those hecklers while the other is a big project for me that is still being produced. I’ve had to postpone it. Why? School, court, medical bills, and life happen. Why not slowly add pieces to it and work on it ever so often? I like to

hours of undivided attention. This is for full satisfaction of myself and to impress others. Let me tell you this: I am egotistically 2014 and things that led up to it. It is also my baby and I have unconditional love for it. Up yours, critics! Up yours, modern-interpreters! Up yours, LACMA, who funded a rock?! What the hell was that about it? That’s like buying a giant ass pet rock from the 1970s and thinking that it holds a special meaning! It’s a goddamn rock. Why not pay someone with Michelangelo’s sculpting skills and turn the rock into God’s hand or a beautiful sculpted judgment on beauty or something more wellthought-of than a natural rock? Here’s my and ego. (Seriously, LACMA, I am ashamed.)

New collage artist Christopher Orozco displays his original art (top left); a close-up of the collage reveals its controversy and ability to prompt a reaction from its viewer (top middle); in a show of self-expression, Orozco unapologetically presents his collage to all of CSULB (top right); artist Orozco lavishes in the sun as he balances his piece on his belly (bottom right)

*Found in 76.9

Travel

Travels With Henry and Some Brownie By Lavender Brownie

marijuana trip was horrible. I tripped out the way you don’t want to trip out, convinced I was going to die. It all began when a few friends and I made plans to bar hop in downtown Los Angeles for New Year’s Eve. When night fell and the moon rose, they swung by my house, and we made our In the car, my friend Henry asked if I would fancy some weed brownie. I had never had any form of weed, but a brownie sounded harmless enough. “Okay!” I exclaimed and popped the homemade-looking chunk into my mouth. It was a good chunk and tasted like a regular chocolate brownie, but with an herbal after taste leaving a tingling, biting sensation on the right tip of my tongue for an hour. Five

Henry told me that it usually took around half an hour. We continued the descent. When we got to our hotel, we put on the garbs we would usher in the New Year and had a few drinks. Amid jumping across the two queen-sized beds and throwing pillows at each other, my friends asked if I felt anything yet. I answered no, and we wondered what was going on. Henry mentioned that one whole chunk of brownie is usually enough. He said that sometimes he would only eat a small chunk. I began to wonder if I was actually feeling something but just didn’t recognize at all, so there were no prior experiences to compare it to. It was well over an hour and, have enough, so I had myself another chunk and went on our way to the bars downtown. While jumping around in a three-inch diameter radius with a bunch of other sweaty bodies, I began to feel extremely thirsty.

Illustration by John Calhoun

At the time, I didn’t know that this was a common result of weed and attributed it to dancing for several hours. We came back to our hotel at the end of the night, and somehow I got to four chunks to feel something, everyone else in the hotel room has gone to bed except for Henry, who is on the other side of the bed trying to sleep. I tried to sleep too but could only lie there scanning the dark room over and over. I asked Henry if he was awake, which he was, and he asked how I felt. In a slow, constantly misguided way, I told him that I was feeling a bit weird. He laughed and I laughed too. Then, for no real reason, I started feeling scared of the dark, which never happens. I usually love being in the dark, but I had to get out of there as soon as possible. I turned to Henry and asked if he would come with me to the bathroom, which he did. In there, we turned on the light, and I felt relieved to be out of the darkness. Henry told me I didn’t look so good, and I told him I didn’t feel good, so we decided to put our jackets on and go get a snack from the vending machines. In the elevator, he told me that when he’s high, his skin starts to feel like it’s crawling and he becomes hypersensitive. I started clutching myself, realizing how much I felt like that myself. With every step I made closer to the vending machines, I became more and more surprised. At the vending machines, I handed Henry my money, so he could get me a snack because I really felt like I wouldn’t have been for the pretzels to appear in front me, when I started feeling like actually pulling my hair out. Unable to stay still, I got up and walked around and around grabbing my hair while telling Henry I didn’t feel okay. Then I saw an expression on his face that made me realize

how ridiculous I probably looked. While tripping out, I often forgot about myself, like the way you lose self-consciousness. I felt like I kept looking for something to grab a hold of, something tangible that would make me feel like I had control again, but I couldn’t. At this point I felt like my mind was being taken out of my body every two seconds, leaving me with feelings of utter powerlessness. This was the scariest part, and why I think I kept moving because giving my body tasks to do helped me think that I still had control over it. I even felt I had no control over my own thoughts. For a split second, I would imagine something because I felt that being in that state, I might actually do it. I sometimes carry a small knife and some pepper spray with me, as I did this night. I found these items in my jacket pocket and walked down a random hotel hallway. myself away from them. I saw Henry go back to pick them up, and I told him to keep them away from me. He then handed me the bag of pretzels and when I opened the bag, I felt my body shake at the sound the bag was making. It sounded like a 14-wheel truck crashing several feet away from me. As we were walking back to our hotel room, I got the same feeling of disbelief that I had walked all the way from the vending machines back to the room. Henry sat in the shivering violently. Later, Henry would tell me that I wasn’t shaking much even though I felt convinced I was shaking. He tried to talk to me and give me water and food, but I couldn’t focus on his words. I thought I was for sure going to choke on the food and couldn’t keep the water from spilling on myself. During the middle of Henry speaking, I started saying to myself, “I am in control. Everything seems

control.” This I chanted like a mantra over and over again because it made me feel a feeble but tangible sense of control again. I asked him if we could just sit silently, and for a long time we just reveled in the stillness, something that also helped me feel like I wasn’t being taken out of my body and safe. After some time, Henry suggested I try to system, which I did. Weirdly enough, staring straight into my mostly clear vomit brought me great solace. Things that didn’t move or change made me feel better. At one point I looked at my messy hair in the mirror and began seeing two strands of thick hair morphing into two horns growing out of my head. This got real demonic real quick, so I tore my eyes away from the mirror, which took turned the faucet on, I was again surprised that I was able to do it without something terrible happening. Slowly, I began to realize that I was able to do normal things, yet nothing felt normal to me. Strangely, I thought about the boy who I gave a fake number to earlier that evening at the bar. I wondered if he had already texted who he thought was me, and I marveled at how much had changed in the course of a few hours. Would he recognize me, the woman in the dark club who he talked to and tried to kiss? Would he be sitting in the hotel bathtub next to me at I turned myself inside out over the toilet bowl like Henry was? Would he? No, probably not. Do I regret taking this trip? Not for a minute. I feel better equipped for life and future situations and would try it again, but seen yourself in one mindset, do you really know yourself at all?

*Found in 76.3

Music

Worth the Wait

Concerts and shows are two completely

We Are Scientists make delightful comeback to SoCal By Katie Cortez

Bass guitarist Chris Cain strums away (top); Lead singer Keith Murray emotionally connects with the audience while singing “Slow Down” (middle); Cain and drummer Andy Burrows rock the stage to “After Hours” (bottom)

Entertainment

“It’s Not a Tumor!” By Katie Cortez

Terminator

The

Expendables

Kindergarten Cop (1990)

Jingle All the Way (1996) Star Wars Episode

Kindergarten Cop

I: Phantom Menace Best Quote(s):

Batman & Robin (1997) Fun Fact:

Batman & Robin

True Lies (1994)

Eraser (1996)

Best Quote(s): Best Quote:

True Lies

Fun Fact:

Terminator: Genisys

Volume 76 Issue 7

Monday, March 2, 2015

LBUNION.COM

DISCLAIMER: PITBULL WAS THERE WHEN NO ONE ELSE WAS. HE PICKED ME UP WHEN I FELL, CARRIED ME WHEN I GREW WEAK. HE BELIEVED IN ME DURING MY DARKEST TIMES. DALE...DALE... This page is satire/parody and does not represent ASI nor the CSULB campus. Submit articlez to grunion@lbunion.com.

Which Shade of Grey Are You? 1. If a someone came up to you with a whip, what would you do?

6. What is the most sensitive area of your body?

11. You received a lifetime supply of bagels. What do you do with them?

17. Your lover wants to make a sex tape. Who would tape it?

A. B. C. D.

A. James Franco (30 points) B. Stephen Hawking (1 point)

Lick the whip (2 points) Run away (3 points) Call the cops (1 point) Get some D! (0 point)

Left butt cheek (2 points) Between the toes (6 points) Right eyebrow (13 points) The D! (Eggplant)

2. Your kinky sex partner shows up at your parents’ house unannounced. What do you do?

new car for your graduation. How do you thank them?

A. B. C. D.

Throw an eggplant (1 point) Make eggs (3 points) Offer your eggs (6 points) Have some D! (0.5 points)

Buy them an eggplant (-4 points) Put your hair in pigtails (3 points) Drive them to Tijuana (-5 points) Put the car in D! (50 points)

Bathe in them (3 points) Put eggplants in them (4 points) Call your grandpa (-10 points) Spread the D! (Gross!)

12. If you were to lose your virginity again, what would you do differently? A. Go harder (11 points) B. Break binary (35 points) C. Wear a condom (69 points) D. Don’t wear a condom (Herpes) E. Get the D! (21 points)

D. College Beat TV (YES!) E. My D! (Maybe!) 18. What position is your favorite? A. B. C. D.

James Franco (30 points) Fishsticks (-20 points) Uranus (-50 points) Kitten on eggplant (13 points)

19. What is your safe word(s)? 3. You studied English Literature in college. How would you describe your personality?

8. You asked your lover to sign a sex contract, but they refused. How do you react?

A. B. C. D.

13. Your lover invited you to brunch. What would you order? A. Eggplants (100 points)

Erotic (3 points) Exotic (1.7 points) Eggplant (Eat your eggplants!) D Go-getter (20 points)

4. Your lover wants to take you on a helicopter ride to their hometown, but you are afraid of heights. What do you do? A. B. C. D.

Change your name (-2 points) Fergalicious DEF (-4 points) Ride that helicopter! ;) (10 points) Get the D! (Too much D! 0 points)

5. What sex toy would you be? A. B. C. D.

Showerhead (8 points) Eggplant (Eat your veggies!) Electronic toothbrush (15 points) Get some D! (5 points)

Braid their hair (4 points) Listen to Lana Del Rey (-11 points) Lactate stressfully (20 points) Sign the D! (Get tested, will ya?)

9. Your phone vibrates during sex. What do you do? A. Use it as a stimulator (5 points) B. Say “pause and check it” (-12 points) C. Make a sandwhich (1 point) D. Keep getting the D! (10 inches!) 10. Fill in the blanks: I really get _______ when he or she _______.

A. Motorcycle (20 points) C. Homer Simpson (-38 points) D. Eggplant (-40 points)

14. You got caught doing it in the car at a park? What were you doing? 20. What letter tingles your sexy bone? A. Eggplanting (4 points) B. Knitting (20 points) C. Cousin “It” (23 points) D. Getting D! (1 point) E. Riding on that surfbort (Beyoncè) 15. They whispered something into your ear. What was it?

A. happy, smiles (2 points)

A. B. C. D.

Kittens (18 points) Sperm attack (4 points) Giggity giggity! (-11 points) Just D! (16 points)

D. the D, eggplants (6 points)

16. Your lover wants to surprise you. What is the surprise? A. A trip to their playroom (0 points) B. Sunday school (12 points) C. Mozzarella cheese (25 points) D. A D in a box (11 points)

A. D (-20 points) B. The D! (25 points) C. My D (69 points) D. Your D! (How big is it?) E. E for Eggplant! (Eat fresh!) 21. Your partner bends you over and whips you on the A. What do you do? A. Cry (Big girls don’t cry, biatch!) B. Whoopi Goldberg (12 points) C. The D (-35 points) D. Call Ghostbusters (Boo!) E. Eggplant lasagna (Mamma Mia!)

Add up all your points to determine your shadiness!

YOUR SHADE OF GREY IS:

-200 TO 49: SHADE #11 - YOU ARE VERY TALENTED WITH YOUR HANDS, BUT YOUR HEAD TRAUMAS KEEP YOU AWAY FROM REACHING YOUR TRUE SEXUAL POTENTIAL. YOU SHOULD EAT MORE EGGPLANTS. THEY’RE GREAT!

50 TO 249: SHADE #34 - YOU ARE A YOUNG EXPLORER, LIKE DORA. HOWEVER, WHEN IT COMES TO THE D, YOU HAVE LEARNING TO DO. TAKE SOME CLASSES, PERHAPS FROM JAMES FRANCO! LEARN TO LOVE THE D!

250 TO 349: SHADE #43 - BOY, YOU ARE SHADE-E! YOU LIVE LIKE BEYONCÈ AND WOKE UP IN THE KITCHEN SAYING, “HOW THE HELL DID THIS SHIT HAPPEN?” OH BABY! GIVE ME THAT EGGPLANT LASAGNA!

350+ SLIM SHADY - YOUR MILKSHAKE BRINGS ALL THE BAES TO THE YARD. YOU MIGHT BE TOO INTENSE FOR SOME PEOPLE, BUT NOT FOR ME BABE. CALL 562 491 0017. I WILL BE WAITING WITH AN EGGPLANT IN ONE HAND, AND THE D IN THE OTHER.