Behind the Screen by Union Weekly

Behind the Screen

Reﬂections of the Hollywood studio audience September 08 Volume 75.3 lbunion.com

Intro

Issue 75.3

“Please welcome the wickedly talented Adele Dazeem.” John Travolta, Actor and Producer

Molly Shannon, Editor-in-Chief editorinchief@lbunion.com Alfred Pallarca, Managing Editor alfredp.union@gmail.com Connor O’Brien, Art Director connor.union@gmail.com Trevor Desrosiers, Advertisting Executive advertising@lbunion.com Eduardo Vargas, Distribution Manager distribution@lbunion.com

ART & DESIGN

By Molly Shannon

Illustration by Rose Feduk

Sam Winchester, Photo Editor samw.union@gmail.com

I know way too many Californians who take the location they live in for granted, especially in Los Angeles and Orange counties. What you beautifully-tanned people do not realize is you have the opportunity to drive to virtually any landscape within a matter of either minutes or hours (depending on where exactly you want to venture). We have wetlands, desert, forest, and mountains literally right outside our doorstep that are ready to be hiked, climbed, and explored. More importantly, we’ve got Hollywood. Whether or not we like to admit it, we Americans love our pop culture. Film, music, television, literature, fashion, and the stars who inhibit these complex worlds have historically been the apples of our eyes. I theorize this is because Hollywood and entertainment news are like the adult version of juicy gossip we used to absolutely live for in high school. Instead of guessing

the mystery college guy who the head cheerleader is dating, we speculate about nude pictures, marriages, and deaths of celebrities. I’m not saying participating in celebrity gossip is either good or bad—I’m just saying that in general, people do it. But then again, a little sleaze every once in a while never hurt anyone (I too am guilty of indulging myself in reading about Jennifer Lawrence’s newest haircuts). Sometimes I think we just need an escape—our lives can get so hectic, and by diverting our attention from ourselves to these people with unattainable levels of beauty and fame, we achieve that escape. One time I found my “escape” by taking an early morning drive to LA for a taping of Fashion Police. As you may know, legendary comedian Joan Rivers recently past away. She headed this E! show for years, and would make hilariously horrible remarks and quips on the clothing choices of red carpet-

Rose Feduk, Illustration Editor rosef.union@gmail.com Abdallah Seoud, Assistant Art Director abdallah.seoud@gmail.com Michael Tewasart, Assistant Art Director tewasartm@live.com Truc Nguyen, Web Manager web@lbunion.com

EDITORIAL Veronica Craft, Community Editor community@lbunion.com Jacky Linares, Athletics Editor athletics@lbunion.com Elizabeth Nguyen, Athletics Editor athletics@lbunion.com Renee Schmiedeberg, Arts Editor arts@lbunion.com

walkers. Though most remember her for her dirty mouth and lack of filter, in person she was the sweetest, most thoughtful woman I’ve ever encountered, even providing us mere audience members with candy and her signature “Joan Ranger” badges (complimentary, too!). There’s definitely more to her than meets the eye. Joan’s death reminds us that we shouldn’t take any one or thing for granted. You may be planning to live in California for your entire life, or maybe you’re praying to move as far from this place as humanly possible the minute you graduate. Either way, take advantage of living near Tinseltown while you can—after all, there’s no business like show business. Stay fabulous, Molls

Katie Cortez, Entertainment Editor entertainment@lbunion.com Fernando Bogarin, Music Editor music@lbunion.com Camille Hove, Lifestyle Editor lifestyle@lbunion.com Chrissy Bastian, Literature Editor literature@lbunion.com Beatriz Villa, Food Editor food@lbunion.com Alex Berman, Travel Editor travel@lbunion.com Gumby, Grunion Editor grunion@lbunion.com Michael Wood, Senior Editor mwood.union@gmail.com

COPY EDITORS Jonathan Gutierrez, Heather Sandburg STAFFERS & CONTRIBUTORS James Allen, Oscar Bautista, Zack Falcon, Jinny Choe, Claire DeWilde, Zachary Inouye, Daisy Epple, Shelby Karkheck CONTACT US Long Beach, CA 90815 E-mail: info@lbunion.com

Disclaimer and Publication Information: The Union Weekly is published using ad money and partial funding provided by the Associated Students, Inc. All Editorials are the opinions of their individual authors, not the Union Weekly, ASI or CSULB. All students are welcome and encouraged to be a part of the Union Weekly staff. All letters to the editor will be considered for publication. However, CSULB students will have precedence. Please include name and major for all submissions. They are subject to editing and will not be returned. Letters may or may not be edited for grammar, spelling, punctuation, and length. The Union Weekly will publish anonymous letters, articles, editorials, and illustration, but must have your name and information attached for our records. Letters to the editor should be no longer than 500 words. The Union Weekly assumes no responsibility, nor is it liable, for claims of its advertisers. Grievance procedures are

Opinions

Graphic by Abdallah Seoud

I Can Wear What I Want! By Renee Schmiedeberg I am engulfed in a feeling of disgust when people ask me why I am wearing something. Why am I wearing a faux fur cape? Because I enjoy that surge

Photos by Sam Winchester

I’ll Get Rich, Or I’ll Die Tryin’ By Alex Berman

What the fuck?! I see myself as being just as valuable as any A-list Hollywood want to invest part of their budget in me?

explanations for their choices.

You Can’t Take My Money! By Heather Sandburg

Seniors Can Be Such Assholes By Jacky Linares

I hate how the campus is quick to charge you extra fees when you are make fun of freshmen for the simple fact that they are freshmen. No need aid money I received the minute I drop a class while I wait for another class to

Stay Back, You Bible-Thumpers! By Beatriz Villa

accumulating student debt longer! Dick.

Urine Trouble By Alfred Pallarca Peeing has become an annoying task more than a need. Everyday I am faced with a struggle of whether to use the stalls or the urinals. I thought the urinals were much easier and more

I think it is really rude how the signs on campus are rude when you

and they each glared at me like I was growing horns out of my head. Where is the Christian spirit?

have realized the beauty of the using the stalls. I prefer using the stalls because seeing the actual color of my pee serves a purpose. I know “clear” means I am hydrated and good to go. When I see know I need to get to the nearest water

Opinions

Knowledge is Power Learning is the key to life’s answers By Shelby Karkheck I love being a student! I love acquiring knowledge and learning about things that I didn’t even know was existed. To me, being a student means that I can explore who I am as a person and broaden my mind, heart, and soul. I just love meeting new people and learning all about them. As someone who loves to learn, I get to know more about who I’m with and where I’m at, and that’s kind of powerful thing if you think about it. It’s almost like a super power which only a few species have. Learning new things means that I get to expand upon who I am as a person. I can unlock what truth is out there, and get closer to the meaning for my life. The more I learn, the more I realize, and the more I realize, the more I understand. It’s that understanding that makes me a great people-person—and people can teach you a lot! Not all knowledge is bound up in the bindings of books. People

are our greatest resource and have much to add to our life experiences. As somebody wise once said, “Listen to others, even the dull and ignorant. They too have their story to tell.” Personally, I get way more out of having a conversation about some deep shit over with someone than I do out of lectures and reading. If people are our greatest teachers, then this is where the party’s at! You can learn a billion facts in class, but if you don’t know how to interact with others, you might not get as far in life. Humans need other humans to survive—it’s hardwired into our brains. If you can’t interact or mingle with people, then all your knowledge is good for nothing. Sometimes in life it’s more about who you know rather than what you know. I’m telling you guys, it’s all about those people skills! Editor’s Note: Shelby, are you high?

Community

Dude, Where’s that Club? Spotlight on CSULB clubs you may have missed

By Union Staff Photos by Sam Winchester

Mock Trial CSULB Interested in law, acting, public speaking? If so, CSULB’s brand new mock trial team may be for you. As an intercollegiate team, they compete with the likes of UCLA and Princeton, learning the ins and outs of cases and developing the best possible defense or prosecution. If you want to travel the country, compete against the best and try out your great Sam Waterston impression, you need to give this club a shot. The practice schedule is wide open, if you’re interested, email csulbmocktrial@gmail.com. Yoga and Wellness Club Take a break from your hectic student lifestyle to relax and enhance your physical wellness with CSULB’s Yoga and Wellness Club. The club is about promoting one’s overall health and well-being, and they meet to practice yoga and work on things on Wednesdays at 8pm and Thursdays at 8:30pm in KIN-107. And don’t worry—all experience levels are is welcome, from beginning yogis to yoga gurus.

Salsa Club Need to get your dance on? Try salsa! “Learn about a new culture, meet new people, and get out of your comfort zone” with CSULB’s Salsa Club, whom meets every Tuesday from 8-10pm in KIN-93. Along with their weekly meetings, they also host socials, meet up with other schools such as UCLA and USC, and simply enjoy themselves by “dancing the night away.”

National Association of Hispanic Journalists (NAHJ). Despite the name, this organization welcomes people from any major and race. Club members help students gain research tools, as well as build up connections through networking. Their

CSULB Scrabble Club Enjoy playing Scrabble, Words with Friends, or board games? Well then you might want to stop by PSY 320 on Thursdays between 4-7pm and join CSULB’s Scrabble Club, as they play games, socialize, and discuss gaming strategies. Orlando Torres, the president of Scrabble Club, says this club is very beginner-friendly, so all are welcome.

Catholic Newman Club Get in touch with the Catholic faith by joining Catholic Newman, which meets

The National Association of Hispanic Journalists Flores, a member of CSULB’s student chapter of the nation wide organization

in USU Ballroom from 7-10pm, and there will be food, introductions, and more information about the club.

Catholic Newman Club is about fellowship, prayer, building faith, and reconnecting with God. They host Bible studies and retreats, and have both a rosary prayer group and charismatic prayer group. A welcome banquet will be held on September stop by and learn more. Anime Club Love Toonami’s Saturday Line-up? Enjoy Japanese Subcultures? Are you curious about anime? Check out the CSULB Anime Club. Activities include anime screenings, playing various games, and particpating fascinated with Japanese animation, and extends a welcoming hand to those curious about its particular style. For more information, check out their Facebook page (“CSULB Anime Club”) or stop by one of their meetings held Thursdays 7-10pm in either USU 305 or 205.

A rush of students checking out the different organizations they can be a part of (top); Students checking out the tables at Week of Welcome (bottom)

CSULB’s Pride and Joy

By James Allen

Get involved with the “Beach Pride Ambassadors” program “Student Today, Alumni for Life” concerns the idea of a lifelong connection with CSULB, continuous engagement, and a legacy of pride and tradition. It is also the mantra for the CSULB Alumni Association’s newest student program: Beach Pride Ambassadors. This program, which primarily engages freshmen, is designed to both enhance the

of this university. We want our graduates to see themselves as prideful ambassadors of CSULB—as representatives of the Beach who give the university its incredible reputation and recognition. Becoming a Beach Pride ambassador starts with the purchase of the “Beach Pride Swag Bag” priced at 35 dollars. Inside the

introducing them to the Alumni Association and its multifaceted role on campus. By the time many enter their senior year of

and a water bottle, all inside a convenient drawstring bag. All of these items are perfect avenues for displaying Beach Pride on campus and in the community. Once the bag is purchased, the student will receive special e-communications from the Alumni

that the Alumni Association provides, and what their role is once they become alumni

Association about ways to get involved on campus, volunteer opportunities where they can meet other Beach Pride Ambassadors, and shout outs about upcoming events. Additionally, they will have the opportunity to receive some freebies throughout the semester for sporting the Beach Pride Swag Bag and its contents. The 35 dollars is put toward a one-time fee, and will not have to be renewed each year. After a year in the program, students can choose whether or not they want to continue to receive our emails and opportunities. While freshmen are our main audience, anyone can be a BPA. Make sure to look for

BPAs tabling at major events on campus, and come say “Hello,” and ask any questions that you may have. We will also be selling the Beach Pride Swag Bags at these events, so stop by and pick yours up! Or, you can go online at http://www.csulb.edu/alumni/bpa/ index.html and become a BPA today. If you have any questions regarding the BPA program, we would love to hear from you! You can email Ilana Tel-Oren, Coordinator of Student and Recent Alumni Programs, at Ilana.Tel-Oren@csulb.edu.

Athletics

Shooting Straight CSULB’s Archery Club pulls for new members By Jacky Linares Photos by Oscar Bautista Coach Mike assists Jean-Baptiste Faure with his form

Tuesdays and Thursdays, from 2pm–sunset,

Potential club members practicing the

Are You Ready For Some Football?! Preparing for the upcoming NFL season

By Zack Falcón

Last Thursday, September 4, football season

Arts

Household Items Never Looked So Good An industrial design student educates about an obscure yet omnipresent major Words and Photos by Industrial Design Student

The inter-workings of a toy model are displayed in a rough mock-up (top right); and a computerized 3D model of a shoe is polished (bottom right)

Industrial Design Student sketches and colors a survival device (above left); the

FEATURE

Behind the Screens Hollywood Studio Audience

Intro by Alfred Pallarca Cover by Connor O’Brien Marco Beltran & Rose Feduk

Perhaps one of the perks of living in the Los Angeles and Orange County area is that everyday our chances of running into our favorite stars are higher than anyone else’s. Actually, I dare to say that you can’t be considered a real Californian if you have never had an encounter with a famous personality. Yes, to people from California, knowing that celebrities are living just around the block can seem like a big deal. However, there is still a decent amount of the population that is not even “into” pop culture, and could not care less about meeting a “celebrity.” To be honest, I had the same mentality before living in the United States.

conversations do come up and they not even a reality star, then fear not! are good icebreakers, especially when Being less than 100 meters away from traveling. I mean, look at it this way— Fergie is one mouse-click away. question was probably something that regards to the likes of the Tower of Pisa, the Colosseo, pasta, or Romulus and Remus. Parisians have

and I decided to indulge ourselves by attending as many of these shows as possible. We had high hopes to possibly be “discovered” and become the next Top Model or even Peruvians have the Machu Picchu win a brand new car. Sadly, none of to brag about, and the Chinese have the Great Wall. Well, we Angelinos and Southern Californians have got light” and added car mileage. We some of the brightest stars out there ranked each of the shows attended (not including the sun) to frantically boast about encountering. star quality, host quality, and overall One of California’s not-so-hidden experience. Hopefully from this secrets is that several television information you can decide for shows are being taped in LA everyday, yourself if Mankini and Ludacris are which makes this the perfect place to actually worth the trouble! “sightsee.” Websites such as 1i0ta, questions people will ask you is, Tv Tix, and On Camera Audiences “what does Justin Timberlake really look like in person?” or “how does tapings of your choice. If you are Miley Cyrus smell?” They may disappointed at the fact that you’ve sound silly and shallow, but these never run in to anybody famous,

FEATURE

Wait Time

Star Power Host Quality

Overall

Rising Star

The Doctors

The Soup

By Alfred Pallarca

By Molly Shannon

FEATURE

The Price is Right

Conan

By Sam Winchester

By Beatriz Villa

Who doesn’t like winning amazing prizes like

Going to go watch Conan was a dream come

star hotel? If you watch CBS frequently you years now, we were not disappointed when The Price is Right with the charismatic host, Bea’s friend, Marlene, was able to score us Drew Carey. This show is 40 years old, so there tickets. Marlene had been signing up for free who watch it. We were not expecting so many cheerful people to be there, with ages ranging had to wait for about an hour or so get into the lot. During the wait to get on set, we played waiting time was extremely long, something we games to pass the time—silly ones like ‘Truth failed to anticipate. We entered the studio lot at 11:15am, and they let us in at around 2:40pm, it inside, the seats were arranged as they would so be prepared to sit around for a while! Once we were in, they placed us in our seats and to take pictures. It was something Bea must a few minutes later we were greeted by the announcer, and later by Drew Carey himself. to approach her repeatedly and remind her The atmosphere started to feel more cheerful when he walked in, which was a good thing started, the audience yelled, stomped, and because this show requires for the audience to clapped. Veronica almost cried because she has be as loud as possible. The taping lasted about Breaking Bad, Chrissy of screaming and cheering. During the cuts, Drew would approach the audience and talk to the show. The show lasted about an hour and a half, and ended with Neon Trees playing and time passed by much faster than the waiting line. If you are an outgoing person and would like to take a chance at maybe winning food for a whole year or a new bathtub, then we suggest some tickets to go watch one of the show hosts, that you get tickets for this taping. Coco O’Brien.

That’s a Wrap That’s a Wrap That’s a Wrap That’s a Wrap That’s a Wrap That’s a Wrap That’s a Wrap That’s a Wrap That’s a Wrap That’s a Wrap That’s a Wrap That’s a Wrap That’s a Wrap That’s a Wrap That’s a Wrap That’s a Wrap Certainly, attending these shows was an entertaining experience and a great way to waste some of our down time. We learned acquiring the tickets was not too hard, actually making it into the shows was quite challenging.

single minute late will guarantee your ass to be turned away from audience membership. we realized that a lot of the experience is taken up by sheer waiting time. Make sure if you decide to go to The Price Is Right, bring plenty of water, snacks, and maybe some board games. We recommend Monopoly, as it will probably take the same amount of time to buy

as Conan and The Soup the judge when it comes to whether waiting for more than four hours is worth seeing Drew Carey pretend he is smoking weed.

12 Music

Singing at the TV The Union staff picks their favorite music from television history Roswell

Roswellâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s

By Chrissy Bastian Roswell

Gilmore Girls, Smallville, Roswell

The Twilight Zone By Jinny Choe The Twilight Zone

The Twilight Zone!

True Blood.

Music

Here We Go Again! OK Go perform brand new songs on the Santa Monica Pier By Fernando Bogarin

Photo by Michael Wood

After a four year hiatus, and a throwback from my middle school days, OK Go will be releasing their newest album Hungry Ghosts this October. OK Go became a viral hit sensation with their hit song “Here It Goes Again” accompanied by a fantastic music video of choreographed treadmill dancing. The pop sensation has its groove back with four of their newest songs from the upcoming album already released on their EP, “Upside Out.” That EP is a great preview

like one night long escapade with montages of what it’s like being young, stupid, and in love. I recommend to be on the lookout for their latest album. For those of you that didn’t get to check out any of the bands that played over the summer in Santa Monica, I highly recommend it as something to check out for next summer. You don’t have to get there early to get great parking either; park a few blocks into the city, and take a nice night walk down to pier. This gives you a chance to explore the city a little more, while scoping out all the bars, dives, and restaurants to hang out at afterwards. It’s a great way to end the school week, try something new, and catch a free show.

With a strong opening song, “Turn Up the Radio,” you get that night life escape kind of feel, bringing that youthful spark to light. The EP as a whole has a throwback sound like it came from the 80s, but don’t let that stop you from enjoying its playful bass lines, catchy lyrics, and sweet melodies. I had the opportunity to catch OK Go live, for free none the less, in Santa Monica as part of the Twilight Concert series on the boardwalk. The group did not disappoint. Having only been exposed to their hits such as “Here It Goes Again,” and “White Knuckles,” I was surprised by how danceable and fun their other songs were. There was a large crowd of all ages packed in, taking full advantage of a free show. The night was bustling with good vibes, bright lights, and great music. They took charge of the crowd with some audience participation and turned it into an improvised song that was a cool touch to the quirks and tricks that can be done at a live performance. OK Go put on a nice long set playing many of the songs off their new EP, and closed out with the singles that made them famous. My inner 12 year old was too excited for “Here it goes again,” and hearing that song alone would’ve justified a Thursday night drive into Santa Monica, but again their sound overall is fun, danceable and entertaining. I couldn’t have asked for a better way to kick off the weekend than seeing a blast from my past live down by one of the most iconic beach fronts in Southern California. The band knows how to keep it fresh, and stands as a reminder that not all pop music lives on the radio. Their new EP is

Much like their new songs, OK Go has grown into a band that is stronger than its singles and brings together a new kind of pop rock music experience. A music experience that tells a story is uncommon for most pop acts. I don’t believe they’re going to get the radio play they deserve, but I also believe that they’re going to make a big splash in the music copy of the new album and looking forward to throwing it on as the soundtrack to my late night adventures. The new EP is a great teaser of what’s to come, and trust me, the future is looking pretty good for the band.

my middle school check list quickly became a memorable night of music and adventure.

OK Go performing on the Santa Monica Pier (top), Cover of OK Go’s new EP “Upside Out” (bottom)

Entertainment

Every Simpsons Ever, Forever? The most iconic animated family continues to grace the small screen By Michael Wood

TV show! If you said The Simpsons, then you’re probably in the majority. I won’t bore you with the citing of all the facts about The Simpsons that are supposed to impress you, but rest assured, it’s a fucking great show and it’s impact on our culture is unparalleled. So naturally, when FXX announced a 12 day marathon of every single Simpsons episode in existence, I made it a point to watch as many of these episodes as humanly possible. Socializing, working, and sanity be damned, I was going to take in a lethal dose of Simpsons over the course of those two weeks! Throughout the whole experience, there was a lot of nostalgia to be had. Old episodes I enjoyed as re-runs as a kid were just as lively in my pseudo-adulthood, reminding me just how timeless these older episodes were. And then of course there’s the experience of re-experiencing jokes from the earlier seasons in a whole references that a ten year old would throw away as non-sequitors are absolutely hilarious after another ten years of cultural experiences

Illustration by Rose Feduk

timeless quality, but episodes released a year ago feel embarrassingly outdated, stale, and behind the curve. Seeing the Simpsons make jokes about Angry Birds, Facebook the result of the writers asking the question “what do teenagers like today?” and deciding to write jokes based on the responses. Even worse, the celebrity appearances have given the show the feel of an animated Jay Leno interview, with the celebrities doing nothing but plug their personalities abides by a narrow script of acceptable good natured punchlines about them. Gone are the days of the Ramones playing Mr. Burns birthday, much to his dismay and then disappearing from the episode. Instead we have an entire episode about Lady Gaga trying to cheer Lisa Simpson up and spouting her saccharine pop positivity, surrounded by jokes about her glam image. America was exposed to 288 straight hours of the Simpsons for the past couple of weeks and even though I could not manage to tune in for more than half of it, I know one thing is for certain. The Simpsons must be brought to a graceful end.

“The seasons that spawned Bart Simpson as a cultural phenomena and managed to smartly critique almost everything about ’90s America...”

Bart’s friends eagerly anticipate seeing an R-rated movie is not very funny. But when you realize the movie they’re hoping to watch is Barton Fink, a slow paced and thoughtful

bad Simpsons episodes in a row (Damn you, to think what this show may be like in three

struggling with writer’s block, it becomes absolutely hilarious. seasons I think of so positively. The seasons that spawned Bart Simpson as a cultural phenomena and managed to smartly critique almost everything about ’90s America had almost no relation to the seasons I caught towards the end of the marathon. For some reason, most Simpson’s episodes from 20 years ago maintain a

but steady descent into humor that would make purveyors of unfunny schtick like Matt Stone, Trey Parker, or Seth McFarlane cringe has gone on for long enough, and The Simpsons created by ten amazing seasons for so long. If this marathon is not their swan song, I don’t know what could be. Maybe a crossover episode with Family Guy? Just a thought.

Literature

“Her characters have steamy

From the Bard to Smiley A modern twist on Shakespeare’s King Lear

By Jonathan Gutierrez Photo by Sam Winchester

Everyone has read or “read” (*cough* Sparknotes *cough* ) a Shakespearean play. The themes are universal, which is why you can spot similar themes and techniques used in many of your favorite television stories and movies. Author Jane Smiley takes the themes and techniques from Shakespeare’s King Lear and applies them in a more modern world in her book, A Thousand Acres. Both works center around an aging man who plans on handing down his estate/land. The

Smiley uses Shakespeare’s work to journey through the human condition. Her try murdering each other with poison (I see that Shakespearean nod, Ms. Smiley) to cope with the unhappiness of their lives. The drama in A Thousand Acres seems more relatable to real-life because the story is told

watching the play. A Thousand Acres is a good read whether you want to spot the Shakespearean similarities like a game of Where’s Waldo, or whether you just like to see a family torn apart by juicy secrets (don’t lie, you know you love it).

one of the daughters, Ginny, feels about the family’s dysfunctional nature. In King Lear, you simply see what is happening as if you are

daughters come in to play. The daughters infuriate their sisters with their perceived favoritism from their father. Smiley connects her characters to King Lear names; for example, Smiley’s Caroline is the modern stand-in for Shakespeare’s Cordelia. King Lear focuses more on poisonous power, while A Thousand Acres seems to focus more on the dark acts that humans can commit. Smiley’s reinvention of King Lear adds a darker complexity, and adds more dimensions to the characters. In King Lear, all of Lear’s daughters except for Cordelia are straightforward in their actions to obtain land. In A Thousand Acres, the daughters are portrayed as more emotionally complex. They are haunted by the memories of being sexually assaulted by their father (something that does not happen in the play), and wish that they were able to leave their lives.

Further Through the Red Tent

By Daisy Epple

Breathing new life to an old biblical tale

Photo by Sam Winchester

Over the blissful summer recess, I was fortunate enough to have come across this excellent novel in my spare time. Anita Diamant’s The Red Tent retelling of the biblical tale of Dinah, sole daughter of Jacob, gives new insight on how women may have lived during this period. I recommend this book to everyone, and especially to those who have an interest in historical perspective. I believe it is a very accurate rendering of what life may have been for the women and men in this early society. Her novel also focuses on the multiple wives of Jacob and how they brought up their daughter through telling their experiences prior to, and going through, the ancient world of the red tent. Although Dinah’s story

was originally short, the tale was expanded upon in this novel. We follow her through a broken youth, the loss of innocence, a call to midwifery as passed down from her ancestors before her, and through the disaster and betrayal that follows her departure from the mysterious red tent. I became enticed in this world of The Red Tent that revered women and embraced their beauty both in and body and mind. This story gives a voice to the women of the Bible of that time, and lets the audience see their possible life from another perspective.

better word, humanness of their nature.

She uses language in a simple yet beautiful way and paints a very clear picture of both the scenery and food. The Red Tent is a must read women and men who are interested in the history of women. It truly is a beautiful novel and I wish everyone an exciting experience into the world of the red tent. For a closer read, I would suggest to look into how the views on women changed in between the male and the female roles, and perhaps the relations you can draw from your own life. Happy reading!

Lifestyle

Have a burning question you need answered? Are your friends useless Union Weekly’s resident advice columnist!

lifestyle@lbunion.com My girlfriend is obsessed with Disneyland and has an annual pass. How do I get her to stop buying so much

Hi, I have a crush on a guy from Dragon Boat racing and he’s in all of my classes, but I know he has a girlfriend. What do I

found it on my walk to school and it was mewing and wouldn’t stop following

How can I get a Kim Kardashian-sized

Thanks, Desperate Man

From, Lustful

Help, That Darn Cat

Sincerely, Kanye’s Wannabe Wife

If you know what his girlfriend looks like, just picture them having sex on the professor’s desk in front of you. That should make you very jealous and or sad, and you will stop romanticizing this man. Or, if you’re feeling devious, turn your attention to the Star Wars nerd next to you. Batting your eyelashes will cause you endless amusement at the boner it will produce. If everything fails, march up to the dragon racer and tell him you’re the one he’s meant to be with. Who knows, maybe he’ll agree.

Well, if the cat seems to have no home, pick him up and put him in your schoolbag. You might be a thief, but at least you won’t be heartless. You should stop by the closest convenience store on campus and buy a bottle of milk and a bowl. Use the ones they have for soup. The trick is to keep the kitten from crying so you don’t get caught, so keep him fed. Once in class, transfer him to the inside of your jacket so he stays warm. Then he’ll purr and fall asleep on you. And if your professor notices, I think she’ll take pity on the tiny scrap of fur and let him (and you) stay in the class. Good luck!

Squats! Go workout. Google every booty

How can I get the Costco lady to give me

My life is full of Starbucks, Uggs, and Instagram. I’m getting really bored of being exactly like every other girl out there. I want to be original without

from Mouse Syndrome. You need to kidnap her immediately and take her to Victoria’s Secret or Lululemon and buy her as many clothes as you can. Then, take her home, (having previously laid roses on the bed) and have copious amounts of throat screaming sex. Afterwards, when she starts talking about Disney, tell her, “We’re never doing any of that again if you buy another fucking progress immediately.

I’m a skinny girl with no booty. I’m tired

Truly, Eat, Pray, Love

day. Also, eat pumpkin. I heard that if you eat round things, they will make the round parts on your body rounder. So hopefully your boobs will grow too, and who wouldn’t want that? You’ll be shakin’ those jugs and ass all over the club for boys to grab. And hey, maybe you’ll get stuck in a chair too, just like Kim.

That’s easy. Point to the horde of children

I’m desperate.

you can scoop a few into your pockets when she turns to make more. Or point to the door and yell, “Kim Kardashian’s ass just got stuck

Pleading, Legally Bored

while she runs over to look.

Uggs into the trash. They’re totally ten years ago. Next, delete your Insta, or better, drop your iPhone into the ocean. You can’t buy originality, it has to be a part of your personality. But if you really don’t have any,

I get constant pregnancy scares. This has happened every Fall semester since Freshman year. I’m a Senior now and I’m tired of getting Plan B. How can I

Save me, Baby Mama

Don’t wear sexy lingerie. Don’t use your mouth on phallic objects. Keep your pants buttoned. If all fails, try condoms.

Aid me, Crestfallen Semen.

Graphic by Abdallah Seoud

library (without your phone). Then, actually read a real book. Date a guy who doesn’t wear tanks and vans, drives a lifted truck, and drinks beer like it’s water. Surround yourself with creative people. Buy a piece of art. Stop wearing crop tops and booty shorts. Find an because you love it, not because you want to post sexy bikini pics on Facebook. Talk about politics with your parents and new tech savvy boyfriend. Stop clubbing. Don’t go to Vegas every weekend. Read National Geographic and the New Yorker. Adopt a goat. Good luck.

Travel

From Manhattan to Manhattan

Words and Photos By Zachary Inouye

One man’s road trip is another man’s personal challenge

Illustration by Eva Grello

This summer took me on an adventure I had been dreaming about for the past three years. While no one, not even myself, considered me to be an avid cyclist prior to setting out, I dreamed of crossing the United States on a bicycle. After purchasing less than a week later on June 25. California coast from Manhattan Beach to San Clemente. The weather was very mild and the view of the ocean was beautiful. I had no idea what would be in store for me over a sometimes dull, yet unique experience. I headed east again from Kansas and crossed into Missouri, Illinois, and Indiana. The terrain began to change again as I progressed, and I was happy to see an increase in the frequency of trees and small towns. By the time I reached Ohio, I knew I was getting close to the end. I followed retired rail

would be nothing like this. Over the next seven weeks I encountered scorching deserts, steep mountain roads, unrelenting thunderstorms, and a lot of angry dogs. There were many moments where I found myself doubting whether I had it in me to remained seemed overwhelming, but I found ways to push through. I forced myself to think about only what I had to do each day, one day at a time.

Starting his thousand-mile adventure in the middle of the desert

After an exhausting ride, Zachary ultimately got to enjoy the iconic landscape of New York City as a fruit of his labor However, through all the hardships, I was rewarded. I met many kind people who did whatever they could to help. I often slept in the homes of complete strangers, which was a bit strange at first, but the interesting people I met remain some of the most important memories of my trip. I also encountered some of the most After several days of climbing through the Rocky Mountains, I caught glimpses of red canyons, lush forests, and even a cool little town built into the side of a cliff. Riding into Flagstaff marked a huge checkpoint

A Bumpy Ride

This summer, three of my buddies and I borrowed a tent-trailer and took a road trip to Utah. Borrowing the car and trailer from one of my friend’s parents, our group set out to explore what Utah

Struggles of navigating an off-road RV

It was a nice trip and everything went well, so we thought we should try our luck and drive south to see the north rim of the Grand Canyon on our way home. Being young and stupid, we thought it would be okay to take a one-hundred mile long dirt road. It was a bumpy, dusty, rattling ride, and we got pretty far before the road became too

By Claire DeWilde

for me, and I was anxious to keep going. I picked up the pace from that point on, and would often ride over 15 hours in a day. It was the season for thunderstorms in the high desert, and I was in a rush to continue east into populated areas and better weather. As I crossed through New Mexico, Texas, and Oklahoma along Route 66, I was in awe at the barren vastness of the country. From Oklahoma City, I shifted north toward Kansas, and encountered seemingly

passing through these places at ten mph is

dangerous. We decided to cut our losses and turn around without seeing the canyon

and Maryland, which had been converted into trails for cyclists and hikers. I met many interesting travelers along the way, and aside from a thunderstorm I had to ride through, it

site of skyscrapers across the Hudson River have ever felt. Biking across the country showed me some of the diverse landscapes that America a closer connection to the people and cultures of the many small towns I passed along the way.

town when one of the tires on the trailer blew out. By this time, it was after eleven in the morning. The sun was boiling hot and everything was coated in a thick layer of dust. While I unhooked the spare, my friends unpacked the car so they could get to the tools. One of them found the lug wrench,

“Being young and stupid, we thought it would be okay to take a 0ne-hundred mile long dirt road.” before anything else happened. There was nothing but dust and cows in all directions. We were about 15 miles from the nearest

about its disappearance, I went over to look and saw it immediately. She explained to us she had thought it was a bong and didn’t say anything out of respect for our friend’s parents. We were on

18 Food

This weeks “Food” section is covering an unconventional point-of-view on food: people. As a server, I want to bring the unappreciated, under-tipped, and harassed servers into the spotlight. As customers, people are used to rating their experiences of a restaurant’s overall quality of service and food on Yelp; however, those foodies are not used to reading reviews on their behaviors as guests. It should come as no surprise that if you are the type of person who believes a server is just their job, and not a person with feelings, then I feel obligated to tell you that every worker who has ever served you generally hates you. The following articles offer the point-of-view of a manager and servers, dealing with rude, pretentious customers. Although all of the stories are true, names have been changed to protect the identity of the server and his or her job.

You know we handle your food, right? Interview by Beatriz Villa Illustrations by Claire DeWilde

“Abe Froman” has worked as a restaurant manager for 19 years. Over the years, he has dealt with customers who have tried his patience. In the following interview, Abe

and customer and you had to intervene? AF: I had a lady call the other day, who was overcharged 30 cents. Granted it was 30 cents, she was still overcharged, so

obnoxious customers.

“I really just can’t believe that you have

Union Weekly: Do you believe in the well known, ‘ the customer is always right’ policy?

someone is going to steal, they are going to steal more than 30 cents. And secondly,

Abe Froman: I believe in that 90% of the time. There still comes a time when they’re not right, and you can’t just let it go. Do you know where “the customer is always right,” came from?

can’t say those things. You have to be very concerned. If you are even more concerned than they are, they kind of get over it. Anyway, this lady, she swore up one side and down the other that someone was out to get

UW: No. I don’t, where did it come from?

“It’s how you treat children; I want to reward them for being nice about it, but if they going to be jerks, I am not going to do anything for them.”

AF: It came from Selfridges department store in England. That is where they say it; however, [the policy] is not really true. UW: Can you think of a situation where a customer was clearly in the wrong? AF: Yes, I can think of a lot of times. Let’s see. Okay, this is what really kills me, when [customers] accuse an employee of stealing, even they really don’t have any proof. I had a guy one night at a restaurant in Atlanta, and we had valet parking, which was part of that. They just come in and yell at you. So, this man supposedly had a brand new $10,000 Rolex, which he left it in the car, and the Rolex was missing when he returned to his car. He swore up one side and down the other. Immediately thinking, “Yeah they stole it; and I didn’t say this, but what I really wanted to ask was, “First of all, why are you leaving it in the car?” So, before I freaked out I went outside to look at the car myself. I reached under the driver’s seat, and there it was. UW: Did the man even bother to apologize? AF: No, of course not because he knew that he was freaking out, and he was acting stupid. But that is just one example. UW: Can you think of another example where you had an issue between a server

her. The whole time I was thinking, “It’s 30 cents,” but I didn’t say it. She told me that I needed to get to the bottom of it and that she also deserved a free pie. Usually, I am [for free]—when they don’t ask I do. When they do ask, I start thinking they are calling for a reason. It works the opposite with me. I have talked to so many people where they say, “No, no, no, that is not why I called.” And I’m like, “I know it’s not why you called but you are being nice about it, so I’d like to reward you for being nice about it.” It’s how

you treat children; I want to reward them for being nice about it, but if they are going to be jerks, I am not going to do anything for them. UW: You just told me the best way in which you deal with nice customers. How would you deal with rude customers? AF: My take with rude customers is you take the power away from them because they are expecting you to argue with them. First of all, you have to be calm because if you’re calm they will calm down. They start to realize, “Oh I look like an idiot because I’m freaking out.” The biggest thing is that you have to listen, and once they are done talking its okay. They just needed to get it out. Again, you have to treat them like children. The worst thing to do is come up with an excuse. Let’s say their food is taking a long time, you really want to say, “We are short handed,” or whatever. The main thing is they don’t care. They just know their food isn’t there, and don’t care why. So, I avoid trying to give an explanation, and I listen and am Here is another thing, I learned this at one last restaurant, and it’s kind of the hard one to remember: instead of saying, “Treat guests how you would want to be treated,” treat guests how they want to be treated. UW: If you could go back and relive an experience with one of these customers, what would you say to them? AF: I would love to say , “Grow up” and “Really?” I get these calls like, “Last week I was there, and I really didn’t like my salad and blah blah.” I always say, “Did you say something at the time?” “Well no,” and I want say, “So you went home, and you have been thinking about this minor thing for two weeks, while letting it bother you, and then seriously?” That is what I really want to say. More than anything I want to say is “Grow up. It’s dinner; it is not a big deal. Move on; let it go. This person, your server, is bringing you food. Do you have any idea what goes on or could go on if we really wanted it to?”

Food

Working as a server will turn you into a psychopath By “Alec Stamos” If you’ve just started college, I’m sure you’re thinking, “I should get a part-time job. Make some money. It’ll be fun!” I’m sure you’ve considered working as a server. That’s the classic starter job, right? How hard can it be? It’s not that hard, honestly. Just be prepared to die inside because here is the reality: a restaurant brings out the worst in people. It’s not that it changes them, but rather it lets you see that people are truly awful. The only thing that keeps them in check is that they have no actual power. However, put a monkey— that’s you—at their beck and call, and they go mad with it. So you cope. You invest in ignorance in food service. You invest in the ignorance of your customers to the fact that they are not in fact the center of the universe. Your job is to get them to quickly eat and leave. You don’t usually make more money with good service: most people just tip on a set percentage, so you develop tricks to shoo people out the door while maintaining a façade of “personability.” You become a master of banal conversation and making everyone think you truly care about whatever the hell they’re running their mouths about. You invest in your own ignorance because you have to because the food is going to fall it is going to fall the soup has nothing keeping

Here’s a tip... As a server, I have encountered many rude customers. I receive anything from customers screaming for me from across the room, or getting on their phones as I am trying to take their order to completely ignoring me when I try to greet them. To top borderline harassment personally, but how can we not, when customers make some of us punch a wall or run into the bathroom to cry? For me, the worst thing about rude customers is that I have to keep a smile on my face, no matter how badly they treat me. If I am not polite, there is a chance I will get in trouble with management. There have been times when people are angry about other things, and they take it out on me, which I can deal with. But sometimes, it just gets personal. Once I walked up to a table and the customers asked rudely, “Ugh, are you our server?” They continued to be rude to me throughout their whole stay. It’s kind of sad to expect this type of behavior when walking into work every day, and it’s hard to pretend to be happy after a while I had a co-worker once who was waiting her counter all at once. Most of the customers understood she was swamped, but there was this one man who yelled at her, “Are you blind, I have been sitting here for twenty

it on the saucer it is going to fall the moment you get a foot away from the table and it’s going to burn the shit out of somebody. You will forget the insane level of responsibility you have. People are taking things you have breathed on and you touched with questionably “clean” hand, and pitting them in your mouth. You have the potential to at the very least ruin someone’s afternoon, but you don’t occupy yourself with that thought because table C wants some more goddamn bread and you haven’t even started on whatever brutalized interpretation of a chicken sandwich the cow on 12 concocted. So you don’t get a new knife to cut up the strawberries that you know are going to make that tomato basil soup disgusting because all anyone is going to see is that fake smile you’ve perfected and that little balancing act you sort of mastered where the plates go all the way up your arm. I will grant you this is fantastic training if you’re looking to get into politics: it singes away every bit of humanity and forearm skin you have, and leaves you a deceitful food machine that regards people as cattle. So go ahead, bright eyes. Take that job at Hof ’s Hut or Applebee’s or Black Angus. Just be prepared for the consequences.

By “Mrs. Morrissey” minutes waiting for my order.” The reality was, he had not been sitting there for 20 minutes, and his food had just appeared on the pass bar. However, he was so busy yelling at her that his grilled cheese and French fries were cold by the time she brought them over. He turned red and called her an idiot. After that she was kind of wrecked, and left to cry in the bathroom. In what world is it okay to treat your server like that? Not all people are horrible—I have come across genuinely nice people who have the power of making my day. So, here is a tip, dear customers—I ask you to remember that a simple “thank you,” a sincere smile, and a little touch of patience go a long way.

StarSUCKS

By “Tez”

chain, I need you to know I hate you. Don’t take it personally. I’m sure you’re a great person, but I just hate all customers as a whole. Customers are among some of the most irritating people on the planet. They constantly complain about the additional

drink. Yes, it’s going to cost you your college tuition for a medium secret menu drink.” The disappointment on their faces gives me the greatest joy. My favorite thing to hear is “Are you going to make any more of enter over-priced pastry here?” No. We do not make our food

in their drinks and say, “They don’t charge me for that at the other store.” Fuck you. Go to your other store then. I didn’t want to make

three-eighths of whole milk anyway. I might sound like a sociopath, but telling people “No” is the best part of my job. “No, we don’t make that drink anymore.” “No, I don’t know how to make that secret menu

my response was “Sure. Let me go whip one up in our Easy Bake Oven.” The customer was a 10 year-old girl and didn’t know what an Easy Bake Oven was, so she just gave me a confused look for a few seconds before I told her we were out. It’s people like that who make me want gods in order to smite all customers from the planet Earth.

Volume 75 Issue 3

Monday, September 8, 2014

LBUNION.COM

DISCLAIMER: Morning Lobsters! This... ‘stuff’ Oh. Okay. I see. You think this has nothing to do with you. You go to your closet and you select... I don’t know... that lumpy blue sweater, for instance because you’re trying to tell the world that you take yourself too seriously to care about what you put on your back. Don’t be rude send your stuff to: 1212 Bellflower Blvd Suite 116, Long Beach, CA 90815. This page is satire/parody and does not represent ASI nor the CSULB campus. Submit it via email to grunion@lbunion.com.

A Heavenly Facelift

Grindin’ On That Wood

After a terrible long wait in line—I mean it was terrible, for a moment, I thought I had skipped my hearing, and gone to one of the circles of Hell. I was waiting in line at Wal-Mart talk to Peter. Peter told me I had a place past the pearly by Joan Rivers white gates, which, I thought was a damn miracle. And as for Peter, well, Jesus was the only one who could pull off the Birkenstocks, and I saw that because he’s like, King of the Jews in Heaven, ‘cause he’s really popular down below. Not my vagina, I mean Earth. I’m Jewish, remember, I don’t love Jesus like nuns do. Here I thought I was done working with celebrities. Speaking of celebrities, I ran into Robin Williams. More like glided into him, I thought

There ain’t no party like a Beyonce party ‘cause a Beyonce party don’t stop. BeyBey turned the big three-three this week and all of the big stars came out to swing on the chandeliers. Usher couldn’t help but get bootylicious with Snoop by T-Swizzle Dogg when Bey and Jay were crazy in love. Kanye and Kim K. tried to act like single ladies but just ended up looking like they were drunk in love. Arnold Schwarzenegger came out to play, riding Kelly Rowland dirty like a surfbordt. Shakira , JLo, and Bey had a pants-off dance-off, and to no one’s surprise, Beyonce was the only one who’s milkshake brought all the boys to the yard. Grandma Oprah was in charge of the party favors, and “You got a trip to the moon, you got a trip to the moon, everybody got a trip to the moooon!” Drake and Niki Minaj gave Beyonce a

get caught dead wearing these. Thought I’d say hi, you know to be polite, for obvious reasons. He greeted me with a smile, and I

guess I wasn’t a complete bitch since I did miss him some. He mentioned he was just come back from the German comedian show, which I thought was odd since, on Earth I don’t remember there being a lot of German comedians. He said it was because they, the Germans, killed a lot of their funny people, that one time. Huh, I thought. Thank God, I suppose, ‘cause then I might’ve been here a few decades earlier than expected. I walked about as he said he had some stuff he needed to do—like what? Cross dress again? Anyway, we went our separate ways, and as tried to get acquainted to the place— which I now realize how stupid that was, as I had an eternity to get to know the place, not to mention most of it was white. Good thing I died later than sooner, imagine if I died when everywhere. Almost I wished I was in Hell, at least red is a brighter color, and it’s warm too, this time around, so I hear.

lapdance at the same time and the party turned into a giant jizz fest. In honor of Queen B, a beehive-shaped piñata was brought out for Chris Brown to practice his swing. Live bees swarmed the #throwbackthursday moment back to 2009 when Rihanna got the worst of the stings. Rihanna wasn’t the only person to get her ass kicked, Solange also managed to corner Jay-Z for an elevator re-match. But the talk of the night was the rivalry between North West and princess Blue Ivy. After Kim K. talked Mrs. Carter into letting them have a playdate, Blue Ivy put baby Kimye in her place during an intense crawling contest. Taylor crested baby-bottle taken straight from Queen B’s asshole. Moral of Beyonce’s birthday party: never challenge a Carter to a contest because the Carter’s run the world.

It’s Just The Little Things, Ya Know? No. No... No! It is not the little things in life that you enjoy. Correction—it’s the little things that get to you. They make you feel like crap. They make you hate all living things. You question yourself “why don’t I secretly plot their deaths?” Allow me by Pussy Whiskers to answer that for you. That is... if you can fathom what I have to say. First of all, I like my beauty sleep. I enjoy sleep at any hour of the day or night. I don’t appreciate the so-called complimentary wakeup call I receive when a bird decides to “Chirp, chirp, chirp!” its head off until the whole damn neighborhood is awake. It tempts me to practice my newly acquired skill of using a slingshot. You aim to kill. And don’t get me started on the family dog. He just loves to bark at every little thing that

amuses him. It can be the ring of the doorbell at exactly 7:32 in the morning when the mailman delivers the mail. He’s not trained either. Do you know how annoying it is when he decides to take care of his business at any spot he wishes? And no one scolds him! Personally, I have my own space to do my business in private. Oh, but when I go outside of the box, it’s tyranny. I don’t quite enjoy the boiling feeling I get when someone mistakes me for the wrong gender. I have the characteristics of every female out there, and yet I am constantly referred to as, “Where is that, guy?” or “Have you seen him?” Excuse me? I am a strong, educated female. So there you have it. This is why I have such a desire to kill. It stems from all those tiny little things that come into my life, and make my blood boil. Unfortunately, no one can understand the problems of a feline like myself. Or why I’m so grumpy. These aren’t mere ramblings. I’m not just a stupid cat.

INSIDE

TAHJ MOWRY SECTRETLY MISSING FOR 15 YEARS

YET ANOTHER WHITE MAYOR IS ELECTED IN TEXAS

LOCAL BARISTA HIRED FOR FLICKING THE RIGHT BEAN

NIKE UNVEILS NEW ECO-FRIENDLY BOXING SHOE