Mo'NIQUE! The Unleashed Voice Magazine 2018 Nov-Dec World AIDS Day Issue

NOV + DEC 2018 VISIT TUVMAG.COM

AN EMPOWERING CONVERSATION TUV Editor‘s

“My Pain Made Me Change”

Author Monika M. Pickett

HOLIDAY GUIDE: SURROUND YOURSELF

EXCLUSIVE!

MO'NIQUE UNLEASHED

Academy Award winner and legendary comedian Mo’Nique opens up about dealing with stigma, what it takes to change, and appreciating today.

WITH LOVE

Mychel Dillard

SERIAL ENTREPRENEUR Meet Jaguar Beckford

THE HAUS OF JAGANDCO

WORLD AIDS DAY ISSUE: KNOW YOUR STATUS!

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2019

Cover photo credit: Sterling Photography

CONTENTS

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7

20

28

Monique Unleashed

Know Your Status

The Haus of JagandCo

Relationship Advice

Cover Story

04

By Dr. Davin D. Clemons, DMin

Fashion

By Parker Bryant

06 Empowering Conversation with TUV Editor Gwendolyn D. Clemons

08 Stigma: A Public Health Emergency

By Eddie Wiley | MPH |

12 Holiday Survival Guide for LGBT Folks

By Monika M. Pickett

14 Let’s Talk About Sex | Spirituality Dr. Darnell Gooch, Jr. DMin

15 “Remembering Elizabeth”| Spirituality

By Beth Trouy

19 Serial Entrepreneur

by Mychel Dillard

23 TransAwareness Week | TransMovement

by Kayla Gore

25 Community News | Fighting HIV Criminalization

by Renae Taylor

26 Health & Wellness | Surviving Suicide

By Elise Saulsberry

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30 Nikki Eason | One To Watch

everywhere you go, along with the print edition. You’ll qualify to download each issue digitally through your IPhone, IPad, or Android devices.

31 Wedding Announcement | Meet Erik & Terrell 32 TUV Launches Apparel Line | Shop Online Now National Advertising + Rivendell Media Company 1248 US - 22 Mountainside, NJ 07092 Office 908.232.2021

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EASHED NL

THE

U

U V

m

T

a g a z i n

ICE VO

TEAM TUV

| www.rivendellmedia.com

e

Shawn M. Clemons Administration/ Fashion Director

Gregory Graphics

Layout / Design

Eddie Wiley MSM | ATL

Correspondent

Monick Monell

Talent Director & New York Correspondent

Whitney Johnson

Chief Editor

Renae Taylor Transgender

Correspondent

Ravell Slayton Project Manager

| THE EDITOR’S LETTER

MY PAIN MADE ME CHANGE! Gwendolyn D. Clemons, Editor-in- Chief

remember standing in one of my Iabout many groups, speaking to my clients applying life skills in order to

achieve the results they were seeking.

I was intimately sharing my struggles and being transparent about my determination to turn my life around.

Suddenly, one of my clients raised his hands and asked, “Mrs. Clemons what made you change?” I answered without hesitation or reservation: “My pain. My pain made me change!”

At that moment, through this simple slogan, I felt an intuitive grasp of reality. Realizing that the reason I had finally been able to change my life for the better was because I had become so tired of living in pain, has since birthed the slogan for our new apparel line!

This client session happened in 2017. Initially I posted this quote as an affirmation on a wall in my home, along with the hundreds of others that my wife and I have written to ourselves. Day after day, I would read the many notes on our wall, but there was something about, “My Pain Made Me Change.”

Fortunately for me, I understand the power of faith, prayer, and acting upon the many visions God provides for our lives. I practice turning off the negative chatter so I can allow the positive chatter to serve its highest purpose to elevate me. And this time, what it revealed to me was that our business slogan had been sitting in my face for the last year.

What had once merely served as a wall of inspiration now underlies the slogan that, “We believe affirmations are meant to be worn.” And with that, our collection of affirmations have jumped from our home onto our apparel wear. We are, in theory, “Unleashing” the power of thought and intention that has served us in offering healing to others.

Aside from building a multi-level business, we are using our passion to develop our gifts and share our purpose with the world. As a black-owned business in Memphis, TN it is important to show the disenfranchised that they can make it. I believe we sometimes allow the notion of the impossible to hijack our

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purpose. If you can learn to imagine the possibilities and act upon your visions, then you will begin to witness the power of being “Unleashed!”

Our 3rd year anniversary World AIDS Day issue is an example of what possibility looks like.

Mo’Nique is on the cover of The Unleashed Voice Magazine, wearing our signature “My Pain Made Me Change” apparel.

The photoshoot video went viral on social media -- I mean, you literally cannot make this type of story up!

Never let anyone tell you what you can’t do or have.

As the famous TUV slogan goes, #IAmUnleashed to inspire, to achieve, to rise above mediocrity, to help others, to LIVE! See you at the top because it’s crowded at the bottom!

TUV gives special credit to Traci Sandidge of Signature T’s, and Kelvin Woods of The Tee Shirt Lab, for your excellent printing service!

Merriam Webster Dictionary defines “Unleash(ed)” as: TO ALLOW OR CAUSE SOMETHING POWERFUL TO HAPPEN SUDDENLY.

THE EDITOR’S LETTER | AIDS. The growth of new HIV infections continues to pose serious health risks, but the facts are that: HIV is preventable, you can reduce or eliminate your risk, and early detection can lead to early treatment and better outcomes.

Testing

KNOW YOUR STATUS

By Dr. Davin D. Clemons, DMin

T

his year’s theme for 2018 World AIDS Day, which will be marking its 30th anniversary on December 1st, will be “Know your status.” It is important to know your HIV status because if someone is infected with HIV and doesn’t get medical treatment, HIV can destroy so many CD4 cells that the body can’t fight infections and diseases anymore. And when that happens, HIV infection can lead to

Dr. Davin D. Clemons, DMin

yourself for HIV is important for your health, your relationships, your life, and your future. Knowing your status is not only important for your own personal health benefits, but also for the protection of others that you are sexually involved with.

Another major reason to “know your status” is that President 45’s budget proposes to cut CDC’s HIV prevention

programs by 19%, or $149 million; cut CDC’s STD prevention programs by 17%, or $27 million; cut the Housing Opportunities for People with AIDS (HOPWA) program at HUD by $26 million; eliminate the Ryan White Program’s AIDS Education and Training Centers (AETC) and Special Projects of National Significance (SPNS); eliminate the HHS Secretary’s Minority AIDS Initiative Fund; and reduce SAMHSA’s Minority AIDS Initiative programs.

“President Trump’s proposal to reduce CDC’s STD prevention work comes at a moment of national crisis when we are seeing the highest STD rates in 20 years. If enacted, this will devastate our ability to prevent and treat STDs and it will undermine our ability to prevent HIV. We urge Congress to reject these extreme cuts and increase STD, HIV, and public health funding,” said David C. Harvey, Executive Director of the National Coalition of STD Directors.

Now I hope you see the importance of knowing your status in these political times with President 45 in office. Funding for continuing to fight HIV/AIDS should be increasing, not decreasing. The United States of America has been funding HIV/AIDS prevention since the 1980s, and since 2015 we have 1.1 million people living with HIV/ AIDS, according to the CDC. If we look at HIV infections by transmission category, we see that gay, bisexual, and other men who have sex with men are most at risk. In 2015, gay and bisexual men accounted for 68% of all new HIV infections. In the same year, individuals infected through heterosexual sex made up 23% of all new HIV infections. But clearly, in the words of the late great Michael Jackson, “All I want to say is that they don’t really care about us.

Don’t worry what people say, we know the truth. All I want to say is that they don’t really care about us. Enough is enough of this garbage, All I want to say is that they don’t really care about us.” So you need to care, if they don’t.

KNOW YOUR STATUS!

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| MSM

Public Health Emergency

By Eddie Wiley, MPH

F

or the purposes of this article, I’d describe stigma as the adversary to our continued

fight against the HIV epidevmic. HIV service

providers have spent years trying to help end the epidemic, but HIV continues to be a public health emergency. In my opinion, the emergency has now become stigma.

Ask me how I know. I know because I’ve been the

victim of my own stigma. In 2014, I tested positive for HIV after 10+ years of working in the HIV field.

I didn’t want to tell anyone because of the fear… the shame… the stigma. Not only was I newly

diagnosed, but I was an advocate who “should have known better.” I didn’t let myself find out

what people would really say, but it haunted me

for months. I fought myself, back and forth, over

like people would see me as a failure, or another

not just an HIV status or a name on a sign-in

is F#*& THAT! I wanted to live! I also wanted my

mindset surrounding HIV and empower yourself

statistic. What I finally learned to say about that brothas and sistas to live #BlackFist. So then, I

chose to live out loud to help fight the stigma that isn’t always offered in HIV prevention programs.

My friends over at Merriam Webster defines stigma as “a mark of shame…”

whether to even get into care. Mind you, I linked

I chose to live out loud to help stop the shame

article about my battle with depression. Around

diagnosis. I also chose to live out loud so that

people to care for a living. I talked in a previous this time, my depression consumed me, right

along with the stigma I had placed upon myself and even my relationship with others.

All of these thoughts persisted because I felt

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that people feel about having sex after an HIV

people can feel more comfortable with going to their appointments. We have to stop shaming each other, but more importantly, ourselves.

You don’t have to go around yelling your HIV status from the rooftop, but you should feel comfortable being who you are. You are

sheet. It’s important to get rid of the negative holistically. If you are living with HIV, I suggest

taking care of your entire self along with your HIV

treatment. Take care of your physical, mental, and spiritual self in order to work through many of the issues we come across that have nothing to do with our status.

We fight HIV so hard in the black LGBTQ

community, to the point that I believe people are actually over-inundated with HIV information.

What are we doing wrong? We teach people about how to protect themselves and their

partners, but what are we not getting across?

Are we teaching them in fear? Do we truly focus on the individual instead of sending a general

message? Messages have to be tailored to the

community we are serving. And by tailoring the message, we can directly fight stigma.

Let me know how you fight stigma: iGoByEddie@gmail.com!

DEAR HIV, ’ WE DIDN T GIVE UP. XOXO, SCIENCE There is no cure, but science is still in the battle against HIV. Today’s HIV treatments may help you get to undetectable. That means the amount of virus is so low it can’t be measured in lab tests. Ask your healthcare provider about HIV and treatment options.

Learn about an HIV-1 treatment option at

XOXOSCIENCE.COM

TM

XOXOSCIENCE.COM, GILEAD, and the GILEAD Logo are trademarks of Gilead Sciences, Inc., or its related companies. © 2018 Gilead Sciences, Inc. All rights reserved. UNBC5531 05/18

| COVER FEATURE

MO’NIQUE

Unleashed

Academy Award winner and legendary comedian Mo’Nique opens up about dealing with stigma, what it takes to change, and appreciating today.

A

cademy Award winner and legendary comedian Mo’Nique opens up about dealing with stigma, what it takes to change, and appreciating today. Best known for her numerous acting roles on TV and movie screens, Mo’Nique first gained fame as a member of the Queens of Comedy, as well as for her roles in the 1990s-2000s TV series Moesha and her spin-off series the Parkers.

For her role in the film Precious, in 2009, she won an Academy Award for Best Supporting Actress. In 2015, she received rave reviews for her performance as Ma Rainey in the HBO biopic Bessie, for which she also earned a Primetime Emmy Award nomination.

Affirmation Tee: Courtesy of TUV Apparel

Photo credit: Sterling Photography, Stylist Troy Clinton, Hair Styled

by Tommie Alsobrook, Makeup

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Specialist by Brandi Mallory

What was it about the “My Pain Made Me Change” shirt that spoke to you when you first saw it on one of our founders in the airport?

What pain comes to mind, for you, that’s made you change?

I think that shirt says it all. And I think it covers so many different things because people’s pain is different in every walk of life. So when I saw

that, I said, “Brother, that’s a really nice shirt.” Because it could apply to everybody. For me, I think my weight.

My attitude. Me as a mother. Me as a wife. That shirt just spoke to me because there was a time in my life that I was over 300 pounds. There was a time in my life that nobody couldn’t tell me nothing. My son is 28 years old.

I wasn’t the most nurturing mother because I was busy trying to be a star.

You say, “My pain made me change.”

Well, when you’re 300 pounds and you can’t make it to the top of a flight of stairs without breathing extremely hard but don’t wanna admit that there’s a problem, when my husband had to say to me, “Mama that’s too much weight on you,” I had to change that. When I look at the relationship between me and my son that’s 28 years old, and at the time he was coming up, I was busy being famous — I had to change that. And I was given a second chance at motherhood. I had to look at the fact that this is my third husband. And I had to do some changing. Because it wasn’t that these first two husbands were these bad people. So that shirt says a lot. It says once you get tired of hurting, you’re gonna make a difference.

World AIDS Day is coming up, so that’s the theme of this issue. And whether or not someone has any personal experience with AIDS itself, one of the things surrounding the diagnosis is stigma — and everybody has dealt with that in some way or another, at some point or another.

How have you dealt with stigma, and what advice would you give to others?

Speaking your truth. That’s how you break those stigmas. Because then you find out your truth that you’re telling is also somebody else’s truth. You have to keep speaking unapologetically, unashamed. And you have to speak loudly. In my humble opinion, I believe that’s how we break through that.

So going back a few years to your role in the film Blackbird, what was it about that script and the character of Claire, the mother of a young Southern man struggling with his sexuality, that compelled you to take on the project?

Don’t we know Claire? Baby, we know

COVER FEATURE |

pictures on milk cartons with my own tape, I’m gonna do it. So the insight is, you can never underestimate a love for a child. May you agree with the way they’re loving them? That’s a different story. But you can never underestimate the love that a parent has for a child.

May they be right or wrong, it’s their way of love.

You’ve been so long established and so long renown — and yet you still definitely have to face your share of challenges in the entertainment industry. Are there any words of advice you want to lend to aspiring superstars?

Stylist credit: Troy Clinton Styles Sweater by Fashion Junkee (SonJ and SaeVonne) Photo credit: Sterling Photography, Hair by Tommie Alsobrook, Makeup by Brandi Mallory

that bitch. We know her. So when Isaiah introduced my husband and I to the project, I read it, and I said, “Daddy, I believe this movie will help save lives.”

Because we know that woman. And we know that baby. We knew those characters. And to put it out there, to let us see us like that… because I don’t think Claire knows that she’s Claire until she’s shown a Claire. You know what I mean? That sister in that church that has said to her baby, “Listen, don’t you be that. That’s a sin, baby.” She can’t see herself until she can see herself. That’s why I was excited to play that woman, because that woman is a lot of our sisters.

Did that role give you any insight into the perspective of a “Claire” that you perhaps had not been so privy to before?

It did give me insight. It did. It gave me insight into understanding a mother’s love on both sides. She loved her son so much that she didn’t want him to live with that sin. She loved her daughter so much that she never gave up. So if that meant I’m gonna look crazy as hell in the supermarket putting my baby’s

Go for your piece of the pie, and don’t worry about the next person’s piece.

It’s there for all of us. Don’t waver from what you know is right. Don’t put your principles on the line. Don’t put your integrity on the line. Don’t put your dignity on the line. Because at the end of the day, when you’re done with entertainment, you still have to deal with you. And you don’t wanna get to the end of your journey, and you look in the mirror, and the person looking back says, “What the hell did you do?” And that’s for anybody that wants to get into anything, just in life, period. I don’t just say entertainment. Because we think entertainment is just this thing that’s totally separate from the rest of the world. It’s simply life. And when you go into whatever you’re going into in your life, go into it with your principles.

And when you’re done with it, you have to be able to walk away with them too.

Are there any upcoming projects you want to share?

Yes. You ready for this? There’s a catch. You ready? Tomorrow. You know, I learned a lesson a long time ago. And people would say, “Monique, what you got coming up?” And I would run down this long list of stuff. “Oh, this, and this, and this.” And then the universe would say, “Well, we got something else for you.” So it taught me to say, when people say, “What’s coming up?” I say, “Tomorrow.” Because today is amazing.

Today, I am doing an interview with your magazine, and that’s awesome.

So I’m having an amazing time today.

And hopefully, I will be allowed just to get to tomorrow.

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| SPECIAL CONTRIBUTOR e are encouraged to go W home and spend time with our families. However, many in the

LGBTQ community suffer anxiety and loneliness due to ostracization by their families. As I think of my friends who are not welcomed home, I flash back to one of the loneliest holidays I’ve ever experienced: Thanksgiving 2001.

I will never forget that day because of the rejection and isolation it brought me.

The circumstances leading up to the holiday were challenging, but I never anticipated what it would become.

My partner at the time had been diagnosed with cancer. We clung to each other with every ounce of faith as our lives were turned upside down.

She decided to share her diagnosis and her sexual identity with her parents, simultaneously. I thought that that was too much for her parents to process at one time. But she went ahead and told them.

Initially, her parents had expressed gratitude for my presence in their daughter’s life because they assumed I was a platonic friend. Her mother told her to tell me that they loved and appreciated me for taking care of her when they could not. They lived in another state and would not be able to travel until her surgery.

Surround Yourself w Love Durin Holidays

Everything changed when she divulged the true nature of our relationship.

Once my girlfriend recuperated from surgery, we made plans to visit her parents for Thanksgiving. I was shocked when she told me that her parents didn’t know she was bringing me home for the holiday.

I said, “Babe… you didn’t ask them?”

She said, “They know you’re my girlfriend.”

“But that doesn’t mean they accept it,” I replied.

I tried to calm my nerves. Surely, they would welcome me with open arms, especially after I had devotedly taken care of their sick daughter, I thought.

I’ll never forget the discomfort I felt upon our arrival in town. We had rented a condo nearby for the occasion. I sensed my partner’s energy change as she spoke to her mother over the phone to tell her we had arrived. She could barely look

12

at me as she hung up. She said her mother did not feel comfortable with me coming to dinner.

I was devastated. Dinner? This was not just dinner. This was Thanksgiving, the one holiday of the year when we share our blessings with those we love. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs: Who was by your daughter’s side when she received her diagnosis?

Who held her as she cried herself to sleep each night? Who held her hair back as she vomited endlessly from the chemo? Who shaved their head to

make her feel she was not alone in this battle? ME…!

I am always shocked by the hypocrisy of so-called Christians who judge others by manipulating Bible scripture to fit their intolerant beliefs. My mind demanded to know, how could you not accept someone who loved your child in sickness?

I wept as I sat alone in a darkened room on Thanksgiving, while my girlfriend was surrounded by her family. Even in my sadness, I thought

SPECIAL CONTRIBUTOR |

with ng the of how blessed I was to have a family that loves me unconditionally. I am blessed to have parents who welcome and love whomever I choose to love. I realize not everyone is that fortunate.

During this holiday season, I pray for my friends who are not welcomed home for the holidays because of whom they choose to love. I pray that they surround themselves with friends and chosen family who love them unconditionally. I can’t help but think of the late Nina Simone’s words of wisdom from You’ve Got to Learn: “You’ve got to learn to leave the table when love’s no longer being served.”

I’ve come to believe that family is not always blood. Home is where the heart is.

The holidays are difficult in general for many people, but are even more devastating for the LGBTQ community.

Author Monika M. Pickett | Special Contributor to TUV Magazine

13 13

| SPIRITUALITY

sex Let's talk about

Dr. Darnell Gooch, Jr., Cathedral of Praise Church of Memphis, Inc., Overseer/Pastor

Ancient history has shaped how we view sex, sexuality, church, and HIV/ AIDS, which has resulted in a negative attitude. It has become a taboo in conversations and in our churches.

Although we are spiritual beings, it is important to know that we are also sexual beings. As sexual beings, we must understand that sex and sexuality are not just about individual relationships but are also about reflecting God’s will for our lives. How we reflect God’s will is by restoring right relationships with God, the body/ soul, and each other. In the spirit of this reflection, every December 1st since 1988, the world comes together in solidarity to bring awareness of HIV/ AIDS, to commemorate those who have succumbed, and to celebrate those who’ve overcome.

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God sees humanity as good. We must do everything within our power to do damage control because the church has condemned LGBTQ individuals, as well as those who have been infected and affected by HIV/AIDS. We must reject this disease without demonizing or dehumanizing individuals who have HIV/AIDS. The way we show redemption and restore integrity to individuals infected and affected by HIV/AIDS is by offering love and not shaming, criminalizing, or exploiting.

We don’t shame, criminalize, or exploit individuals who have cancer, measles, common cold, the flu, or any other such medical condition, so we shouldn’t do so to individuals infected by HIV/AIDS. It’s immoral and unethical.

Love is what it’s going to take to inspire individuals to healthy sexual practices, and love is what’s going to encourage individuals to take their medication. Although this disease is currently not curable, individuals infected by HIV/AIDS can get to an undetectable status and live a

normal and healthy life, to continue on serving God’s plan for human flourishing. There are countless stories in the Bible of how Jesus’ love and redemptive work of justice transformed the lives of individuals who were afflicted or stricken by diseases, misfortunes, or sorrows.

Matthew 9:20-22, Mark 5:22-34, and Luke 8:43-48 record a woman with an issue of blood for 12 years, who suffered a great deal and was ceremonially considered unclean, which brought social and religious isolation. But Jesus healed her, told her to go in peace and be free from suffering. In Matthew 8:1-4 and Mark 1:40-45, confusion and stigma arose against a man who suffered from leprosy (boils, fungus infections, ulcers, etc.) and Levitical laws suggested that he was defiled and unclean. But Jesus healed him from the hurt and suffering brought upon by those who inflicted the stigma.

Luke 13:10-17 mentions a woman who had been crippled for 18 years. She was bent over and couldn’t straighten up. When Jesus saw her, he called her over to him and set her free from her infirmity.

So if the church and the world want to follow the ministry of Jesus Christ, then we must help to resurrect individuals who have been stigmatized, demonized and dehumanized by their conditions.

We must touch the lives of those who suffer at the hands of HIV/AIDS. We must recognize when our loved ones are in need of medical attention, address their mental health, and preach life back into their souls. We must offer transformative initiatives and practices for developing awareness for HIV/AIDS. We must talk about PFTP (Prevention From The Pulpit). We must talk about PrEP and PEP. We must offer HIV/AIDS testing and medications. We must encourage doctor visits. We must offer health insurance and prophylactics to help suppress the virus and reduce the spread of HIV/AIDS. Though we can’t change sex or sexuality, certainly we can change how we have sex and how we talk about sexuality. better lives. #iAmJesus #iSuffered #iAmLiberated #iAmUnleashed

SPIRITUALITY |

RE M E MBER ING

By Beth Trouy

ELIZ A B E T H

henever the subject of HIV/AIDS W comes up, I remember Elizabeth.

At first, she was just the AIDS patient in room 804. But what I learned from her, I carry with me to this day. It was the early 90’s, and I was just beginning my career as a Physical Therapist in a local hospital. I was nervous about seeing her. At that time, there were still many unknowns about the disease, and we were instructed to wear full protection (gloves, mask, gown) when entering the room. I remember how thin she looked with her long hair pasted to her sweaty head. She was frequently sick, and a nausea basin was always nearby and rarely empty. I was afraid. My job was to keep her mobile and strong enough to become independent with bed mobility and bathroom transfers.

Twice a day, I gowned up, helped her out of bed, and we walked together with her IV and basin in tow. I was very careful about keeping a safe distance and minimizing any contact. I was just doing my job.

Rarely was there ever anyone in the room with her. It seemed odd that

someone in her early twenties would be alone. It was also evident, by her manicured fingers and toes and designer purse, that she was not poor.

Despite her sickly appearance, she was also beautiful. During our twicea-day visits, I learned we had much in common: both Catholic, youngest in the family with big brothers, and we shared the same first name, Elizabeth.

We were also only a few years apart in age. She told me she was a senior in college at Ole Miss. She didn’t fit the profile of the typical AIDS patient, and I soon learned that most of her family had shunned her in shame and embarrassment.

made; only hers was deadly. It could have been me, I thought.

The hospital policy changed while I was working with her, and I soon shed my gown and mask, but the gloves remained. I also began calling her by her first name, Elizabeth, and I looked forward now to seeing her for therapy.

One day, she told me how she must have gotten the disease. It was at a frat party. She’d had too much to drink and had “gone too far” with one of the guys. She found out later that he was bisexual and had become sick too. It was a mistake many college kids had

I grieved in silence when she died.

Such an innocent life wasted away, far too soon. But Elizabeth gave me many lessons that will forever live on in me, and I carry them forward to the patients I see today: Never judge. Make eye contact. Hold hands. Be present.

Listen. Open your heart. Elizabeth made me see how we are all connected and more alike than we know. Life is fragile. It was an honor knowing you, my friend. Love is love, and it lives on.

Elizabeth deteriorated rapidly.

Eventually, we stayed only in the room at bedside, standing for minutes at a time. I no longer worried about her sweat, her spitting into the basin, or her frequent diarrhea that I cleaned up for her. I wiped the sweat from her brow. I held her hand when she wavered. Near the end of her life, she became too sick for PT, so I sat with her at lunch or after work. I held her bare hand in my own, and I made eye contact with my friend. I needed her to know that she was loved.

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What is BIKTARVY®?

BIKTARVY is a complete, 1-pill, once-a-day prescription medicine used to treat HIV-1 in adults. It can either be used in people who have never taken HIV-1 medicines before, or people who are replacing their current HIV-1 medicines and whose healthcare provider determines they meet certain requirements.

BIKTARVY does not cure HIV-1 or AIDS. HIV-1 is the virus that causes AIDS.

IMPORTANT SAFETY INFORMATION

What is the most important information I should know about BIKTARVY? BIKTARVY may cause serious side effects: } Worsening of hepatitis B (HBV) infection.

If you have both HIV-1 and HBV and stop taking BIKTARVY, your HBV may suddenly get worse. Do not stop taking BIKTARVY without first talking to your healthcare provider, as they will need to monitor your health.

Who should not take BIKTARVY? Do not take BIKTARVY if you take: } dofetilide } rifampin } any other medicines to treat HIV-1

What are the other possible side effects of BIKTARVY? Serious side effects of BIKTARVY may also include: } Changes in your immune system. Your immune system may get stronger and begin to fight infections. Tell your healthcare provider if you have any new symptoms after you start taking BIKTARVY. } Kidney problems, including kidney failure.

Your healthcare provider should do blood and urine tests to check your kidneys.

If you develop new or worse kidney problems, they may tell you to stop taking BIKTARVY. } Too much lactic acid in your blood (lactic acidosis), which is a serious but rare medical emergency that can lead to death.

Tell your healthcare provider right away if you get these symptoms: weakness or being more tired than usual, unusual muscle pain, being short of breath or fast breathing, stomach pain with nausea and vomiting, cold or blue hands and feet, feel dizzy or lightheaded, or a fast or abnormal heartbeat. } Severe liver problems, which in rare cases can lead to death. Tell your healthcare provider right away if you get these symptoms: skin or the white part of your eyes turns yellow, dark “tea-colored” urine, light-colored stools, loss of appetite for several days or longer, nausea, or stomach-area pain.

The most common side effects of BIKTARVY in clinical studies were diarrhea (6%), nausea (5%), and headache (5%). Tell your healthcare provider if you have any side effects that bother you or don’t go away.

What should I tell my healthcare provider before taking BIKTARVY? } All your health problems. Be sure to tell your healthcare provider if you have or have had any kidney or liver problems, including hepatitis virus infection. } All the medicines you take, including prescription and over-the-counter medicines, antacids, laxatives, vitamins, and herbal supplements. BIKTARVY and other medicines may affect each other. Keep a list of all your medicines and show it to your healthcare provider and pharmacist, and ask if it is safe to take BIKTARVY with all of your other medicines. } If you are pregnant or plan to become pregnant. It is not known if BIKTARVY can harm your unborn baby. Tell your healthcare provider if you become pregnant while taking BIKTARVY. } If you are breastfeeding (nursing) or plan to breastfeed. Do not breastfeed. HIV-1 can be passed to the baby in breast milk.

You are encouraged to report negative side effects of prescription drugs to the FDA. Visit www.fda.gov/medwatch, or call 1-800-FDA-1088.

Ask your healthcare provider if BIKTARVY is right for you.

Please see Important Facts about BIKTARVY, including important warnings, on the following page.

Get HIV support by downloading a free app at MyDailyCharge.com

KEEP PUSHING.

Because HIV doesn’t change who you are.

BIKTARVY is a 1-pill, once-a-day complete HIV-1 treatment for adults who are either new to treatment or whose healthcare provider determines they can replace their current HIV-1 medicines with BIKTARVY.

BIKTARVY does not cure HIV-1 or AIDS. BIKTARVY.COM

IMPORTANT FACTS

This is only a brief summary of important information about BIKTARVY® and does not replace talking to your healthcare provider about your condition and your treatment.

(bik-TAR-vee) MOST IMPORTANT INFORMATION ABOUT BIKTARVY BIKTARVY may cause serious side effects, including: • Worsening of hepatitis B (HBV) infection. If you have both HIV-1 and HBV, your HBV may suddenly get worse if you stop taking BIKTARVY. Do not stop taking BIKTARVY without first talking to your healthcare provider, as they will need to check your health regularly for several months.

ABOUT BIKTARVY BIKTARVY is a complete, 1-pill, once-a-day prescription medicine used to treat HIV-1 in adults.

It can either be used in people who have never taken HIV-1 medicines before, or people who are replacing their current HIV-1 medicines and whose healthcare provider determines they meet certain requirements.

BIKTARVY does not cure HIV-1 or AIDS. HIV-1 is the virus that causes AIDS. Do NOT take BIKTARVY if you also take a medicine that contains: • dofetilide • rifampin • any other medicines to treat HIV-1

BEFORE TAKING BIKTARVY Tell your healthcare provider all your medical conditions, including if you: • Have or have had any kidney or liver problems, including hepatitis infection.

• Are pregnant or plan to become pregnant.

• Are breastfeeding (nursing) or plan to breastfeed. Do not breastfeed if you have HIV-1 because of the risk of passing HIV-1 to your baby.

Tell your healthcare provider about all the medicines you take: • Keep a list that includes all prescription and over-thecounter medicines, antacids, laxatives, vitamins, and herbal supplements, and show it to your healthcare provider and pharmacist.

• Ask your healthcare provider or pharmacist about medicines that interact with BIKTARVY.

POSSIBLE SIDE EFFECTS OF BIKTARVY BIKTARVY can cause serious side effects, including: • Those in the “Most Important Information About BIKTARVY” section.

• Changes in your immune system.

• New or worse kidney problems, including kidney failure.

• Too much lactic acid in your blood (lactic acidosis), which is a serious but rare medical emergency that can lead to death. Tell your healthcare provider right away if you get these symptoms: weakness or being more tired than usual, unusual muscle pain, being short of breath or fast breathing, stomach pain with nausea and vomiting, cold or blue hands and feet, feel dizzy or lightheaded, or a fast or abnormal heartbeat.

• Severe liver problems, which in rare cases can lead to death. Tell your healthcare provider right away if you get these symptoms: skin or the white part of your eyes turns yellow, dark “tea-colored” urine, light-colored stools, loss of appetite for several days or longer, nausea, or stomach-area pain.

• The most common side effects of BIKTARVY in clinical studies were diarrhea (6%), nausea (5%), and headache (5%).

These are not all the possible side effects of BIKTARVY. Tell your healthcare provider right away if you have any new symptoms while taking BIKTARVY. Your healthcare provider will need to do tests to monitor your health before and during treatment with BIKTARVY.

HOW TO TAKE BIKTARVY Take BIKTARVY 1 time each day with or without food.

GET MORE INFORMATION • This is only a brief summary of important information about BIKTARVY. Talk to your healthcare provider or pharmacist to learn more.

• Go to BIKTARVY.com or call 1-800-GILEAD-5.

• If you need help paying for your medicine, visit BIKTARVY.com for program information.

BIKTARVY, the BIKTARVY Logo, DAILY CHARGE, the DAILY CHARGE Logo, LOVE WHAT’S INSIDE, GILEAD, and the GILEAD Logo are trademarks of Gilead Sciences, Inc., or its related companies.

Version date: February 2018 © 2018 Gilead Sciences, Inc. All rights reserved. BVYC0047 06/18

COMMUNITY NEWS |

SERIAL ENTREP RENEUR MYCHEL DILLARD Originally from Detroit, Snoop grew up in the inner-city with her two younger brothers. Her mother decided to relocate to Nashville, TN, so that’s where Snoop spent most of her teenage years. At 15, Snoop became a mother, but this did not deter her from striving for success as she entered college at the age of 16.

S

noop had known at a young age that she would to take an alternate path to success. In 2005, at the age of 20, she graduated from Vanderbilt University with a Bachelor of Science in Economics and went on to become a financial advisor and investor while holding a real estate license.

When she was laid off from her job in 2008, however, she decided it was time to get serious about entrepreneurship.

Snoop opened her first lounge in Nashville, called The G-Spot. Although it seemed like the right move at the time, within 90 days, she’d lost over $35,000 of her initial investment into the business. Meanwhile, Snoop’s newspaper business, Caught-Up, was thriving and required little attention from Snoop. Her team included a business manager and a staff of employees, and she was fairly hands-off when it came to daily operations. Then a year after opening, out of nowhere, all of her employees quit. She soon discovered that her

business manager had launched his own newspaper, which almost immediately put Snoop out of business.

These all marked pivotal moments in Snoop’s career. Snoop is evidence that failure is a part of the process, and this is only the beginning of her success story.

Snoop’s journey is a clear depiction of how adversity can be reconfigured as necessary building blocks for success.

A strong advocate for service and pouring resources back into the community, Snoop has sponsored many events in Atlanta including 2017 Back to School Skate Party and School Supply Drive, Girlz Business Camp 2017 hosted

by Ladies Who Brunch Atlanta, Youth Mentoring with Young Entrepreneurs of Atlanta, an Annual Friendsgiving Food Drive at The Hookah Hideaway (benefiting ATL Mission), an annual

diaper drive (benefiting Children’s Hospital Atlanta), and an annual Christmas charity, to name a few. Snoop is also in the process of launching a non-profit organization that provides shelter and advocates for at-risk youth and pregnant teens.

With the success of both The Hookah Hideaway and Escobar Restaurant and Tapas, Snoop recently opened a third entertainment venue, Members Only Atlanta, in October 2018, as well as an upscale salon suites facility, Remedy Salon Suites, in September 2018. Most recently, Snoop has developed interests in film writing and production, and is currently in classes to learn more about the entertainment industry. “For the serial entrepreneur,” she says, “the sky is the limit.”

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|| COMMMUNITY CULTURE FASHION

Jaguar Beckfo

The Haus of Jaga M

ost people ask me how I find the time to do all that I do. My response is, “Time Management.”

Well, I’m sure these words trigger a plethora of interpretations since what it ultimately means is in the subjective view of the “manager.” In any event, I decide when to rise and when to rest, assuming it is within the Maker’s plan.

Once I know the Universe and I are on one accord, then it’s full speed ahead.

But I digress.

I’m E. Jaguar Beckford, and I am a leftbrain, right-brain, analytical-creative.

I decided (along with my parents) that being creative was not going to take

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FASHION | Lyfe Jennings, Chrisette Michele, Eric B. and Rakim, DJ Kool Herc, Amy Winehouse, and Ghostface Killa, to name a few.

ord

andCo me far in life.

Therefore, I needed some level of stability.

I decided to study law and ventured into the profession of esquires in 1997. I was a litigator, an attorney who protected the intellectual property of entertainment professionals worldwide.

I traveled the world doing what I loved, and have lived in various countries. I had my own restaurant called “Rhythms” in Johannesburg, South Africa. I’ve lived in Japan, sending talent to and from New York to Nagoya. I’ve lived in Accra, Ghana, producing the very first Ghana International Music Festival. I have represented individual talents such as

But my true passions in life have always derived from the creative side of my brain: I write, draw, sing, design, and sew. I love the world of fashion and have been a fashionista all of my life. I learned to sew at the age of five and have been making various garments ever since, re-designing clothing to fit my needs. That turned into a full-time commitment in January 2013, when I launched Jaguar and Company Clothier D/B/A JagandCo.com. JagandCo was created to provide a safe space and clothing for the masculine-of-center gender fluid. You see, cisgender heterosexual males perniciously define masculinity. I never let that get to me, though, because I have always been comfortable with the masculine/ feminine energy I possess. DUALITY is the true essence of a Gemini spirit, and I embrace its life daily. So I wanted to have a space where women such as myself could be comfortable shopping and ultimately wearing my awesome garments. That was how it began. However, my garments have come to be coveted by fems of all types, who are also consuming what I’m creating for my bois.

Besides my store, I wanted the bois to be welcomed to my house. So I created The Haus of JagandCo, a one-day show which takes place annually during Rainbow Fashion Week (RFW). Oh, I guess I forgot to mention that I am also the founder and executive producer of the most unique Queer Fashion Week in the world. Rainbow Fashion Week was created as the result of exclusion. I was tired of the constant exclusion of POC, Transfolk, Size Sexy from the industry -- excluded from mainstream Pride events, mainstream fashion events, and mainstream music events (unless we were the talent, of course). As my answer to

these exclusions, RFW provides safe incubated spaces and places for our community to express our talents in the world of Fashion, Film, Technology, and Art. Not Your Average Fashion Week is our niche, carefully scripted fashion entertainment in a beautifully produced 8-Days of Queer.

So when I’m not doing all of this, well, Spirit says to rest and, “Hello, sleep, here I come.” Love what you do. Do what you love. When you find what that is, you will be working towards developing your Higher Self, the self that God is looking for in us all.

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| HEALTH & WELLNESS

Community Service Day

Fri. Nov 16th | 10 am-2 pm | Outmemphis 892 South Cooper St.

TRANS November 14-20

This day, we as trans and gender non-conforming people give back. Trans people are known for their kindness and generosity; we take this day to share the love and support we’ve received with those experiencing homelessness.

2018

th

AWARENESS WEEK Ice Cream Social

Wed. Nov 14th | 6 - 8 p m | Outmemphis 892 South Cooper St.

The 3rd annual ice cream social is an opportunity for local community members to share space and connect with others in the fight for equity of all trans and gender non-conforming people in the greater Memphis area.

Community Resume Workshop

Thurs. Nov 15th | 6 - 8 p m | Outmemphis 892 South Cooper St.

Join us as we have a human resource specialist guide us through creating a resume, CV, and cover letter that stands out to employers. Bring your resume for one-on-one guidance.

A uthenticity is rare .

When we find it, how do we treat it?

transthentic

Self Care Sunday

Sun. Nov 18th | All Day | Anywhere you’re comfortable Self-care is very important to all people. This week is draining and can be traumatic for some trans/gnc people. Today we should rest, shop, socialize, do absolutely nothing, etc. Whatever brings you peace and light, just do it!

Transilient Photo & Interview Project

Mon. Nov 19th | 6-9 pm | Outmemphis 892 South Cooper St. The Transilient crew is openly inviting diverse members of the transgender and gender non-conforming community to attend for interview and photo sessions. Transilient intends to tell stories of healing, exploration, successes, and aspirations by sharing the voices of trans and gnc people in their own words. www.wearetransilient.com Hosted by Lexi Kay

Chat and Chew TDOR Vigil

Tues. Nov 20th | 6 - 9 p m | The Haven 206 G.E Patterson Transgender Day of Remembrance is always observed on November 20th.

We hold this day to remember the lives led by those we’ve lost due to antitrans violence. Join us as we share in conversation about how to protect trans people and a vigil in honor of those brave lives gone to soon.

Hosted by Nia Brooke Smith with live entertainment!

For more information: Kgore@outmemphis.org | (901) 278 - 6422

TRANSMOVEMENT |

Living in the south and being

Transgender can be very dangerous, but that shouldn’t be our reality.

Transgender Awareness Week

2018 is time to spread awareness

of the lives we as Trans and Gender Non-Conforming people live.

Many organizations, groups, and individuals will join Nationally to

celebrate Trans Awareness week.

TRANSMOVEMENT

By Kayla Gore

ere in Memphis we plan on H celebrating each day starting November 14th with our 3rd Annual Ice Cream Social hosted at OUTMemphis and ending on November 20th with a TDOR Celebration and release of OUTMemphis’ “Trans Best of Memphis Guide” at The Haven Memphis. The events that are planned nationwide are ways for our allies to learn more ways to support local trans people; it’s also an opportunity to share space and uplift our trans and gender nonconforming community members.

Studies by National Center for Transgender Equality released stats that show a high rate of AntiLGBT violence, Black Trans Women are disproportionately affected by violence. “1 in 9 respondents were physically attacked in the past year because of being transgender, according to the 2015 US Transgender Survey. This year alone we’ve lost 22 Trans people to violence; as far as Vegas and right in our backyard of Canton, MS where Mesha Caldwell was killed and left to die on a deserted road. Coincidently, her funeral was held only a block away from where

she took her last breath. Data relating to reported deaths of Trans people don’t accurately reflect actual deaths.

We are often misgendered in police reports, news media, and on official documents which are all systemic issues related to equity in access Trans Communities in the South. Without access to legal transition due to high costs we can’t accurately be counted.

The life expectancy of a Trans Woman of Color is 35 with an average income of $12,000 annually. Without access to life saving tools of prevention like routine sexual reproductive health screenings, PreP and PeP services like those provided at OUTMemphis, legal transition and gender care services, that life expectancy can be drastically shortened. This year majority of the Trans people murdered were under the age of 30.

NY, Duanna Johnson (case coldunsolved) Memphis, TN, and most recently the Trans LatinX woman Nikki Janelle Enriquez (Suspect Captured) TX, “she was the one of the victims of US Border Patrol agent who has been arrested for killing four women between September 3-15, 2018” according to Monica Roberts blog transgriot.blogspot.com .

Transgender Awareness Week ends with Transgender Day of Remembrance, which is a time we uplift those lives lost to anti-trans violence.

Bringing awareness of Trans Violence is traumatic for many members of the Trans and GNC community, but we endure and create social events to share in process of grief, and celebration of life. We also must keep their lives visible in death and pursue justice in their name, which is rarely seen. One of the most notorious Trans murders was the death of Marsha P. Johnson (cold case-unsolved)

sustaining donor of OUTMemphis Trans Services

For a complete guide to Awareness Events happening in the Memphis area Contact

OUTMemphis (901)278-6422 or Kgore@ outmemphis.org Facebook, Instagram @

OUTMemphis. Also consider becoming a

Fund. The fund provides sometimes lifesaving support to of the Trans and Gender-Non

Conforming Community. You can make a donation via our website www.outmemphis.org or in person or via mail at 892 South Cooper St. in care of Trans Services.

23

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ADVOCACY NEWS |

HIV Criminalization: HIV is not a Crime

By Renae Taylor

W

hat is HIV Criminalization? In Tennessee, along with several other states, knowingly exposing or not disclosing your HIV status to someone is a felony. This was written into law in the 1980s, when there was little medicine to treat HIV, and when having HIV was therefore considered a death sentence. Today, neither is the case. Yet you can still be prosecuted under these laws, even if HIV is never transmitted to your partner -- all because these HIV exposure laws have never been updated to reflect the current science deeming HIV as a chronic condition rather than a fatal disease. Meanwhile, anyone convicted under these laws ends up on the sex offender registry without any way to be removed.

Furthermore, HIV criminalization disproportionately affects people of color, as black and brown people are more likely to be prosecuted than their white counterparts. Racial disparities and structural violence also lead to inadequate health outcomes. What is structural violence? Structural violence includes institutional racism, stigmatizing social norms, and barriers preventing marginalized populations from receiving proper health care. If you are in treatment, you have better health outcomes. However, such normalized stigma and structural violence leads people to refrain from getting tested and entering into life-saving treatment.

These laws must be updated to reflect the current science.

Campaigns like U=U, meaning Undetectable Equals Untransmittable, aim to spread awareness that the science of being well-maintained on your medicine lowers the risk of transmission to your partners. If you are undetectable and virally suppressed, then you can’t transmit HIV to your potential partners. What is undetectable? A person living with HIV is considered to have an undetectable viral load when antiretroviral treatment has brought the level of the virus in their body to such a low level that blood tests cannot detect it.

A person’s body should not be criminalized for their status and sexual health -- and no one should be criminalized, not even indirectly, for their sexual orientation or gender expression. Having HIV is not a crime!

25

The Only Reason I Survived...

| COVER FEATURE

By Elise Saulsberry

O

ne somber night, I lay alone in my bed – thinking – attempting to discover what my next big mission would be. I had a job, but jobs have never fully satisfied me regardless of what I was doing and regardless of what the job paid. It seemed they always ended up with the walls of my cubicle eventually appearing, in a mirage, to close in on me. The previous Sunday morning, I had made up my mind to be finished with promoting the club life. It was growing, but it was not enough. While I was enthralled by flashing rainbow lights, music thumping against the walls, and people enjoying themselves dancing in the dark, it wasn’t personally fulfilling.

Out of nowhere, tears began rolling down my face. In that moment, it seemed all I needed was soulcleansing by way of a good cry. It became more than that…

When I realized that my pillow was soaked with my tears, I sat at the edge of the bed. I remember toiling with God over my sexual preference, which I felt made me inadequate and unworthy.

I’m not even sure where that level of desperation for answers came from, but it was ever present. I looked inside my dark closet, where my 9mm pistol was positioned for easy access in case an intruder came into my apartment.

The intruder that night turned out to

26

be me and my own thoughts of my own inadequacies. The longer I peered into the dark closet, the more “ending it all” seemed to be a great solution to the problem.

What was the problem? My sexual orientation. I’ve been a lesbian all of my natural life. But I was raised in the church – a place where I was taught that homosexuality was abominable, because God said so. The more I battled between reasons to live and reasons to die, the harder I cried. I got up, pulled the pistol out of the closet, cocked it and pressed it against my head… still… wrestling… to find a reason to live. I pleaded with God to remove this one thing that I believed kept me from being fully accepted or successful – as it was always the one thing that persisted as an internal and seemingly eternal weight. For many years prior to this particular night, I’d believed it was ultimately what had caused me to be put out of a church.

The pressure was too much to bear any longer.

I inhaled deeply and braced myself for the impact I knew a 9mm to the head would make. I braced myself to be remembered as the lesbian who committed suicide. I braced myself to relinquish the care of my son to my family. I braced myself to be the example of what not to do, while still hoping that others would ease up on the pressure they put on people for being something that was beyond

their control. I braced myself to be a memory. And in that moment, death seemed more beneficial than life.

That one millimeter of a second between exhaling and pulling the trigger, I heard a voice that asked, “What are the requirements for salvation?” Being raised in the church and having a relationship with God, I knew that voice. Anger and rage ravaged my mind in a manner that wanted to yell back to God, “Are you kidding me? You do this now?

Salvation… Now?” Tears still rolling, angry, and in the lowest pit I’d ever been in, my mind rolled out the ABCs of drawing someone to Christ until I weepingly answered God, “Repent, then Accept, Believe and Confess that Jesus is Lord of my life.”

What I heard after that initially took me on an upward spiral, and later downward, but in that moment, God spoke again: “My grace is sufficient for thee.” That scripture was all too familiar to me, but it had never meant anything until that moment. I cried harder and became angrier because I was confused. The same God that the church insisted hated me, people like me, my actions, the fact that I loved someone who was the same gender as me -- had just spoken to me. How was that possible? What kind of love speaks in a moment of such desperation? Why hadn’t God chosen to speak before I reached that peak? My anger, the turmoil in my soul, the desire to die that night, all left me at once.

COVER FEATURE |

“My grace is sufficient,” meant that God had the power to carry me through who He made me to be… and that included being a lesbian. It meant that I did not have to die to gain acceptance. It meant that God was not mad at me for being me. It meant that happiness was not going to be “found” in dying. It meant that this city, our state, country, or world did not have to be deprived of the gift of me.

To this day, I do not know how else to explain how I made it through that night. I can’t even tell you how I woke up the next morning and my pistol was back in the closet. What I can tell you is this: if you’re homosexual,

heterosexual, or anyone in-between, God loves you. Family may reject you, strangers may misunderstand you -- and reject you -- but God loves you.

I still have moments where hateful words are spewed and complete strangers show their disdain for who they assume, or maybe can even tell, that I am. But I still live, breathe, move, and have my being because of God’s love.

I hope this helps someone, somewhere, realize that you are enough and you are not alone. If you ever have a moment where you feel that “this one thing” is too much, an inadequacy or overwhelming notion

that is holding you back, or you’re tired of just being -- remember that God’s love is unconditional and infinite.

God stands with you every day, every step of the way. Live! And in so doing, reconcile who you are with God. Above all, God made you in His likeness – so God understands.

In the meantime, if you are battling, call the Suicide Hotline. You can reach Memphis Crisis Center at 901-274-7477, or the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.

27

| SPECIAL CONTRIBUTOR

Love Comes with Responsibilities : Everyday Life of A Woman Purposed to Love Better

By Parker Bryant

I

t started as a typical morning. Running errands, tackling basic chores, and mapping out the rest of the evening.

Then suddenly, a few thoughts rushed my heart, causing me to ruminate over their gem-like vibrations. Like most moments of my life, whether awake or asleep, I lose myself in thoughts of love and relationships, trying to capture spiritual wisdom spoken in signs and wonders. Understanding the importance of hearing what the spirit is saying is imperative when you’re a vessel that has devoted oneself to carrying the purest cut of love as a delicacy, and as your state of BEING. Lost in thought, I revisited past relationships I’ve had the pleasure of experiencing. Gently examining steps I’ve taken in efforts of love provides me reflective insight on who I once showed up as in relationships. This measure of self-reflection is so crucial for me because I have always claimed to be a “deep lover,” but that didn’t mean the depth of my love gave life instead of taking it.

A well-known quote attributed to James Baldwin, African-American novelist, essayist, playwright, poet, and social critic, “Know from whence you came. If you know whence you came, there are absolutely no limitations to where you

28

can go,” is not only a moral standard I live by, but also a methodological approach to reaching and returning to my truth.

I am very clear that some relationships just ain’t meant to last. And as I’ve grown as a lover, I live in a very pleasant realm where I’ve released all prior experiences of love in LOVE and continue moving forward.

I thought about why the small task of keeping my lady’s car cleaned brought me so much pleasure. I wondered why cleaning the vehicle opened my heart’s awareness to other areas of love and our relationship that I must take full responsibility for as a mature lover and life partner, to cultivate a love experience that is healthy, full of unspeakable joy, and embodies resurrection power for the moments when life seeks to deliver mental, spiritual, and emotional demise. At that very moment, the gift of insight into how to be a mature lover invaded my entire being.

When you decide to stop trying to perfect your usual routes of love and relationships, those that have always led to the same destinations, then you open yourself up to untrodden territory; you know, the road less traveled. Getting off the nearest exit when you see, feel, and hear yourself returning to cycles is

a smart move. I don’t care how well you know the roads of your frequent travels in love: • You know where all the potholes are, so you are mindful to bob and weave to avoid damage.

• You know when, and when not to, commute to avoid congestion.

• You even know where all the speed traps are; therefore you are good with slowing down and speeding up at your pace, avoiding a citation.

With all this knowledge of how to navigate your relationships/ situationships, allowing the efforts of love to feel “easier”, unfortunately, you are still going in the same direction.

That realization hit me like a ton of bricks when it burst through my heart and stared back at me in my face. I had learned how to play my own game. I had learned how to avoid conflict to keep the peace. I had learned how to speed up and slow down my expressions of love based on the situation. I knew how to close my emotional house in order to keep from feeling, while nevertheless still operating like I was open for service.

I knew how to “do” relationships. I knew how to lie to myself. However, I had not been taking full responsibility for what it meant to love and to be a lover.

SPECIAL CONTRIBUTOR | First, I did not hold myself responsible for being true to myself and my feelings.

Second, I didn’t hold anyone else accountable for loving me the way I knew I should be loved. I had been half-assing what I’d signed up for, and in the long run it always led to the same destination.

To love on a different level, to achieve a different feel, to be granted access to areas not yet touched by others, to receive the depth of the highest gift, you have to be willing to accept the responsibility of being entirely conscious of how you show up as a lover. There are no excuses.

Relationships are not just about you. I know we have become a selfish culture when it comes to love, but if you want to experience the deepest, you have to give of yourself completely, nothing held back.

You are responsible for someone else’s emotional life. You can’t just do what you want and expect a, “You know how I am,” or “Everyone in my past has...” to be the reason you don’t give your lover everything s/he needs. You are required to be an asset to your partner’s life -not just to their bedroom, their purse/ wallet, or their arm. You are required to make sure you fill in every gap presented and discovered. You are expected to be honest about what you need and about your desire to grow to love your partner better. You don’t know it all. You have the responsibility to not show up emotionally empty-handed, as well as to divorce any victim-mentality you’ve grown to love over the years which has allowed you to evade your responsibility for both facing and healing from emotional traumas.

Love’s responsibilities are not to throw you a pity party, or a “let me fix you” event. Love shows up with real life and a mature heart, ready to plant a beautiful garden with the patience to tend to it and await its harvest. Love also possesses all the tools and resources needed to weather any storm. Love

commits 100% without any doubts.

Love is not picture perfect; it’s beautiful abstract art only interpretable by those who seek to understand its meaning and purpose.

Once I thought about the responsibilities of love, it became very clear why my previous relationships had not lasted. Thinking about these responsibilities of love also made it clearer why the simple task of making sure my partner’s car is clean and maintained brought me so much joy. Finally, after all my adult years of dating, my state of being was that of a grown woman, one willing and ready to be a mature lover. One who takes full responsibility for love and how she shows up every single day.

You have the responsibility to be completely honest with yourself daily

about your travels in love -- and not to pull emotional triggers with the safety off, when you know you are not yet truly ready to shoot for deep, lasting love with another soul.

Responsibly, ParKer Bryant is an emerging emotional wellness thought leader and founder of

Being A Better Lover. Her studies, theories, and workshops target same-gender loving

millennials and older generation queers who have suffered emotional trauma because of

ill-social constructs and institutions. She is a leader in the LGBT community who strives to

cultivate relationship integrity and authentic

living, in order to correct the current narrative surrounding queer love and relationships.

Undoubtedly, she is emerging into one of the

most influential and socially engaging thought leaders in the LGBT community.

29

ONE TO WATCH:

outh Carolina native S Nikki Eason has prided her life on empowering

NIKKI EASON

others through confidence and fashion. Her love for fashion started in 2011 while pursuing a modeling career to wear men’s clothing in a male dominated industry. She wondered if she was the only one who felt the need to wear what made her comfortable no matter what norms society had created.

As a result of her lack of acceptance within the fashion industry, The Androgynous Model was birthed. Androgyny is the combination of both masculine and feminine characteristics. Being androgynous is the act of expressing both genders through fashion, appearance, or lifestyle. Eason has adopted the word androgynous because it is more suitable for her identification in this world.

As the creator of The Androgynous Model, a modeling competition that encourages others to be brave in the journey of accepting their true self, Eason has established a platform for individuals who struggle to be accepted for who they truly are. Her mission is to get all to believe that “You Were Born to Be You” no matter the circumstances. This movement helped Eason get others to be more confident in their dress and appearance by understanding that true belief in self is to believe in yourself.

The entertainment industry continues to lack diversity and the inclusion of all genders identified. Eason uses her social media to motivate others to believe in themselves first, in order to gain the global opportunities to include a new generation of change and acceptance.

Through Mogul Moments, a series of weekly motivational videos, Eason has become widely known for uplifting, inspiring, encouraging and empowering all to remember that You are a Miracle Of Greatness Under Love (MOGUL).

She hopes that her willingness to provide opportunities that give individuals the ability to be a MOGUL in their own lives will stir up the conversation to compel companies to be more accepting of people who dare to be different.

Fashion and empowering others starts with confidence in knowing who you are, and more importantly, knowing whose you are. If one can understand that first, Eason feels that any individual can start to live in full acceptance of true self and begin the journey in becoming the change they wish to see in the world. Eason strives

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for all humanity to give love to all things both familiar and unorthodox.

Fashion has attempted to demonstrate what gender should wear what based on society’s rules.

Nikki Eason continues to break those barriers by utilizing platforms that are in pursuit of ungendering fashion.

Nikki Eason Creator, The Androgynous Model MOGUL Moments www.NikkiEason.com

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