Pride
A Deeper Love By Monika M. Pickett
his can’t be happening! Not now, God. Of all times…I
found myself unable to walk
unassisted two weeks from Pride. The constant pain in my legs
reminded me that something
as simple as an infection could
wreak havoc on my compromised immune system. My doctors
that my body and mind were tired. I felt like I was wasting
away, physically, mentally and
emotionally. Battling a chronic illness was taking its toll.
I didn’t know if I had any more
fight in me. I needed this win to keep from giving up.
hastily scheduled a battery of
I reminisced on my childhood. I
was having a flare up due to my
who liked other girls. I dreamt
tests to determine whether I
brain disorder, Neurosarcoidosis. My stomach dropped as
conversations of hospitalization and surgery surfaced.
I was running out of time. I threw myself into editing the final
draft of the third installment
of my Pretty Boy Blue trilogy,
The Evolution of Nikki Blue to
submit the draft to my publisher as my friend confirmed my live
reading on the first Saturday of
Gay Pride at his restaurant. That day happened to fall on my 55th
birthday. I was in awe of how God had lined people up in my life to
help make my dreams come true. The excitement was heightened by the impending birth of my
third grandchild. The thought of
my grandchild being born on my birthday was more than I could have ever dreamed of. Joy and adrenalin overshadowed the
I chose without judgement or
discrimination. I wanted to be a
role model for others who were struggling with their sexuality. I wanted to love and be loved,
freely. I longed to be an example of what is possible. I thought of my ancestors whose shoulders I stand on…like the late James Baldwin. Would he be proud of me for accomplishing all the
things society said I couldn’t? Would my existence dredge
up his experience of moving to Europe when his own country
did not celebrate him as a Black, gay author? I thought of LGBTQ
advocate and playwright, Lorraine Hansberry. Would she inspire me to pursue my dreams of
welled with tears as I admitted
helped pave the way for me to
become who I’m becoming. In that moment, I thought of my legacy. I realized that my legacy is not
my own. I thought of the deeper
love I have for my grandchildren, specifically the one who will be
my Gemini twin. Would he or she
rarely celebrated?
Mind” Johnson and Sylvia Rivera, forefront of the Stonewall Riots that incited a new era of the LGBTQ movement in 1969.
ka ni
M. Pi
ck
have similar characteristics of
mine? Would they be as fearless
as I had been in my youth? When
I am long gone, my grandchildren will be able to boast that their
grandmother lived her authentic
life during a time when it was not widely accepted.
that pulsed through my body. I
boldly craft narratives that are
two Transgender women at the
canceling the event. My eyes
tell in their fight for equality. They
out and proud lesbian author to
Would she encourage me, an
concern that I was not well
mind. She begged me to consider
I imagine the stories they could
I woke up the morning of my event
I thought of Marsha “Pay it No
enough weighed heavily on my
available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble.
becoming a playwright?
pain as I remained determined
to achieve my goals. My sister’s
The Pretty Boy Blue trilogy is
t
was days away. Anxiety set in
of being able to love whomever
et
distract myself. The deadline to
thought I was the only little girl
Mo
T
and ignored the aches and pain smiled when I thought of God’s
Grace and Mercy. To celebrate my
55th birthday on the first Saturday of Gay Pride as I launched my
third novel, while waiting for my
grandchild to enter this world was a blessing I will cherish forever… and that is why this Pride has a deeper love for me.
Monika M. Pickett is a veteran of the United States Army. She is the author of the #1 International Best-Selling novel Pretty Boy Blue, Second Edition, and its sequel The Darkest Shade of Blue, and finally The Evolution of Nikki Blue the Trilogy is available on Amazon. Pickett is an advocate for the LGBTQ community. For more information on Monika M. Pickett, please visit, MonikaMPickett.com
THE UNLEASHED VOICE |
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