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GUIDE 5 NEWS OF THE WEIRD Weird, but true stories from here and around the globe
8 CONCERT BEAT
THE VALLEY BEAT MAY 29, 2013
THIS WEEK
VOL.1 ISSUE 6 • OCTOBER ISSUE 141. MAY 27 29 - NOV JUNE2,4,2010 2013
Concert listings from many places
10 CLUB & PUBS
We are working on it but need your help please send info
BEAT 11 LOCAL Each week we comment on local or national talent.
12 HOT SHOTS
Maybe we snapped a pic of you, check it out!
TOPCrashSPINS & MOVIE REVIEW 15 Gina from The Bone’s Top 10 Radio Hits. & A movie review 16 Done ALBUM REVIEW by The Bone’s - Scotty Brilliant
25 NEW MAYOR - OLD BRIDGE 26 ZODIAC Tyler Drake focuses at one very important task for the Bethlehem’s new Mayor
Your astrology for the week
36 JOKES & COMICS
12 HOT SHOTS 39 MODEL BEAT 39
A few chuckles to get you through the week
MODEL BEAT Last, but certainly not least your model of the week
Welcome to The Valley Beat Newspaper! Lehigh Valley’s Hottest Alternative Newspaper. Distributed at more than 600 locations across the Lehigh Valley, Reading, Upper Bucks County & the Poconos Contact Information: Fax: 484-229-0506 thevalleybeat@gmail.com • valerie@thevalleybeat.com clubinfo@thevalleybeat.com • distribution@thevalleybeat.com classifieds@thevalleybeat.com
Please Note: The content in this paper does not necessarly represent the views of The Valley Beat Newspaper, Inc. Local Beat Bands That Rock, The Valley Beat are registered trademarks of the The Valley Beat Newspaper, Inc. Any content may not be reproduced without permission or written consent of The Valley Beat Newspaper, Inc. Local Beat - Bands That Rock are a Registered Trademark #3342218 within in the state of Pennsylvania. Any Material submitted becomes the property of The Valley Beat Newspaper, Inc. The Valley Beat reserves the right to refuse advertising or content. The Valley Beat is not liable for any errors discovered, or any changes after an ad has been printed.
Editor: Valerie L. Keiper Creative Director: Don Junz Model Beat: Scott Davis- Photography Contributor: Mitch | Columinists: Tyler Drake Camille Capriglione
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THE VALLEY BEAT MAY 29, 2013
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by Chuck Shepherd
LEAD STORY: CHRIST RETURNS! --“Coming Up Next! The Resurrection! Live!”: “If the Messiah descends from the Mount of Olives as foretold in the Bible,” wrote the Los Angeles Times in an October dispatch from Jerusalem, the two largest Christian television networks in the U.S. promise to cover the arrival live from a hilltop in the city. Daystar Television has already been beaming a 24/7 webcam view, and Trinity Broadcasting Network bought the building next door to Daystar’s in September and has already begun staging live and pre-recorded programs using the broad expanse of the Holy Land city as background.
CAN’T POSSIBLY BE TRUE -- Once again, in September, the upscale Standard Hotel, in New York City’s lower Manhattan, made headlines for the views it provides to amazed pedestrians. In 2009, it was the hotel’s floor-to-ceiling windows showcasing amorous couples at play (unless the guests knew to draw the curtains), especially delighting out-of-towners seeking
REDNECK CHRONICLES (1) James Davis, 73, has been ordered by the town of Stevenson, Ala., to disinter his wife’s body from his front yard and re-bury it in a cemetery. The front yard is where she wanted to be, said Davis, and this way he can visit her every time he walks out the front door. Davis, who is challenging the order at the Court of Appeals, said he feels singled out, since people in Stevenson “have raised pigs in their yard,” have “horses in the road here” and “gravesites here all over the place.” (2) In October, eight units in the Clear View Apartments in Holland Township, Mich., were destroyed, with two dozen people displaced, when one resident, preparing a meal of squirrel, had a propane torch accident as he was attempting to burn off the rodent’s fur.
UNCLEAR ON THE CONCEPT -- Punishment Must Fit the Crime: (1) In September, Britain’s Leeds Crown Court meted out “punishment” to a 25-year-old man convicted of sneaking into the changing room of China’s female swimmers during the Olympics: He was banned -- for five years -- from entering any female toilet or changing room. (2) In September, the city of Simi Valley, Calif., adopted
inexpensive entertainment. Now, a September 2012 report in the New York Daily
Halloween restrictions on the residences of its 119 registered sex offenders, forbidding enticing
News revealed that the restrooms at the hotel’s Boom-Boom Room restaurant posed
displays and requiring signs reading “No candy or treats at this residence.” Shortly after that,
a bigger problem: no curtains at all. One restroom user, from Australia, said, “Sitting
several of the sex offenders sued the city for violating their rights, in that none of the offenders’
on the royal throne, you don’t expect a public viewing.” On the other hand, the Daily
convictions were for molestations that occurred during Halloween. (The lawsuit is pending.)
News noted one gentleman relieving himself and waving merrily at the gawking
-- In October, Britain’s Gravesham Borough Council, weary of neighbors’ complaints about
crowd below.
the noise and smell from Roy Day’s brood of 20 birds, ordered him to remove them and find
-- Valerie Spruill, 60, of Doylestown, Ohio, disclosed publicly in September that
them a new home. Day, a member of the National Pigeon Racing Association, told reporters of
she had unknowingly married her own father following the dissolution of her first
the futility of the order: “They are homing pigeons.” Said a friend, wherever Day sends them,
marriage, which had produced three children. Percy Spruill, a “nice man,” she said,
“(T)hey will just fly straight back to him. ... He has never lost one.”
died in 1998, and Valerie told the Akron Beacon Journal that she had heard family
SCHOOL OF SOFT KNOCKS
rumors after that but only confirmed the parentage in 2004 (with DNA from an old hairbrush). After eight years of silence, from embarrassment, she went public, she said, as an example to help other women who come from tumultuous childhoods in which many men are in their mothers’ lives. -- Earlier this year, the National Football League suspended some New Orleans
THE VALLEY BEAT MAY 29, 2013
NEWS OF THE WEIRD
(1) Richard Parker Jr., 36, was arrested in New London, Conn., in September after allegedly hitting a man several times with a pillow, then taking his car keys and driving off. (2) An 18-yearold college student who had moved to New York City only three weeks earlier was knocked briefly unconscious in September when a mattress fell 30 stories to the sidewalk from a building on Broad Street in Manhattan.
Saints players and the head coach for having a reward system that paid players for
INEXPLICABLE
purposely injuring opponents. In September, coach Darren Crawford of the Tustin
-- Because We Can, That’s Why: In September, the National Geographic cable TV show
(Calif.) Pee Wee Red Cobras team was suspended when former players reported that
“Taboo” featured three young Tokyo partiers as examples of the “bagel head” craze in which
the coach ran an apparently similar scheme among his 10- and 11-year-olds, using a
fun-lovers inject saline just under the skin of the forehead to create a swelling and then pres-
cash reward of up to $50 for the “hit of the game” (with last year’s top prize going
sure the center to achieve a donut look that lasts up to 24 hours before the saline is absorbed
to the boy who left an opposing running back with a mild concussion). At press time,
into the body. Some adventurers have injected other areas of the body -- even the scrotum.
the investigation was ongoing, and no charges had been filed.
-- Recurring Theme: In Ventura, Calif., in September, once again, a scammer tried to bilk victims out of money by assuring them that he could double their cash (in this case, $14,000)
THE WEIRDO-AMERICAN COMMUNITY
merely by spraying it with a secret chemical. (Of course, the victims had to wait several hours
Recurring Theme: Eric Carrier, 24, was charged once again in September, in Hampton, N.H., with attempting to commit indecent exposure by his scheme of faking a brain injury so that he could hire an in-home nurse to change his diaper regularly. He was similarly charged in July 2011 in Hooksett, N.H., after soliciting five women on Craigslist, and convicted in July 2012. (Though not explicit in news reports, the nature of the charges suggests that Carrier can very well control his bowel movements.)
for their newly doubled cash to dry and eventually discovered that the scammer had substi-
(Are you ready for News of the Weird Pro Edition? Every Monday at http://NewsoftheWeird.blogspot.com and www.WeirdUniverse.net. Other handy addresses: WeirdNews at earthlink dot net, http://www.NewsoftheWeird.com, and P.O. Box 18737, Tampa FL 33679.) COPYRIGHT 2013 CHUCK SHEPHERD DISTRIBUTED BY UNIVERSAL UCLICK 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, Mo. 64106
minimum body requirements were established at the outset (beyond the traditional chest, waist
tuted blank paper and by that time was long gone.) But the weirdest aspect of the scam is that people who are so unsophisticated as to fall for it somehow managed to amass, in this tight economy, $14,000 cash to begin with. --For a September beauty contest of female college students in China’s Hubei province, certain
and hip sizes). Among them, according to a report in China’s Global Post: The space between
ear, and the distance between a candidate’s nipples should be at least 20cm (7.8 inches).
PAGE 5
the candidate’s pupils should be 46 percent of the distance between each pupil and the nearer
Page 6
THE VALLEY BEAT MAY 29, 2013
THE VALLEY BEAT MAY 29, 2013
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THE VALLEY BEAT MAY 29, 2013
CONCERT BEAT
CHAMELEON CLUB, Lancaster, PA TICKETS 717-393-7713 Buzz Chopper, May 31 Tom Keifer, Jun 5 Rusted Root, Jun 8 Queensryche, Jun 12
TICKETS 212-307-7171 Rod Stewart, Dec 9
CROCODILE ROCK, Allentown, PA TICKETS 610-434-4600 Maria K, May 29 Coolio, Jul 19 Great White, Aug 13 Bullet Boys, Aug 15
SUSQUEHANNA BANK CENTER Camden, NJ TICKETS 877-686-5366
MAUCH CHUNK OPERA HOUSE, Jim Thorpe, PA
Toby Keith & Kip Moore, Jun 22 Jimmy Buffet, Jun 25 Dave Matthews Band, Jun 28-29 Vans Warped Tour, Jul 12
TICKETS 570-325-0249
IRVING PLAZA, New York, NY
Tea Leaf Green, Jun 2 Craig Thatchers Saulte to Filmore II, Jun 15 Cabinet, Jun 28
TICKETS 212-777-6800 BuckCherry, May 23 The Apple Stomp, May 31-Jun 1 The Janoskians, Jun 10-11 Hanson 21st B-Day Show, Jun 17
SANDS EVENT CENTER Bethlehem, PA TICKETS 800-745-3000
Weird Al Yankovic, Jun 4 Billy Idol, Jun 9 Willie Nelson, Jun 16 Rock of Ages, Jun 10 Menopause the Musical, Jun 21 Cheech & Chong, Jun 28 America, Jun 29 Dwight Yoakam, Jul 3 Michael McDonald, Jul 7 Los Lobos, Jul 10 Slash, Jul 16
Tony Bennett, Jul 26 Seth Meyers, Jul 31 Jay Leno, Aug 11 The Wanted, Aug 24 Gabriel Iglesias, Aug 29 Hanson, Sept 2 Sarah Brightman, Sep 22 Steely Dan, Sep 27 Jeff Foxworthy, Sept 28 Celtic Thunder, Oct 9 Diana Krall, Oct 10 Franky Valli, Nov 9
HERSHEY PARK ARENA, Hershey Park, PA TICKETS 717-534-3911
One Direction, Jul 5, 2013 • Dave Matthews Band, Jul 13
TOYOTA PAVILLION Montage Mountain - Scranton, PA TICKETS (570) 961-9000
SOVEREIGN CENTER, Reading, PA
Dave Matthews Band, May 29 Kid Rock, Jul 6 Rock Star Energy Drink Mayhem Fest, Jul 13 Vans Warped Tour, Jul 16 Uproar Tour: Alice In Chains / Janes Addicition, Aug 9
WWE Live, Jul 7
TICKETS 610-898-7200
TROCADERO, Philadelphia, PA
MOUNT AIRY CASINO RESORT, Mount Pocono
THE ELECTRIC FACTORY, Philadelphia, PA
MOHEGAN SUN ARENA AT CASEY PLAZA, Wilkes Barre, PA TICKETS 570-920-7600
Alice Cooper/ Marilyn Manson, Jun 18
TICKETS 877-682-4791
WELLS FARGO CENTER Philadelphia, PA
Carly Rae Jepsen, Aug 2 One Republic, Aug 3 Skillet, Aug 4
(610) 743-3069 Aaron Carter, May 31 • Wednesday 13, Jun 1 Frampton’s Guitar Circus, Aug 5 George Thorogood Styx & Foreigner, Aug 7 KC & The Sunshine Band, Aug 8 Darius Rucker, Aug 9 Ke$ha, Aug 10 Avenged Sevenfold, Aug 11
SHERMAN THEATER, Stroudsburg, PA TICKETS 570-420-280 Hollywood Undead, May 22 Kellie Pickler, Jun 1 Dropkick Murphy’s, Jun 11 Dickey Betts, Jun 8
All that Remains, May 31 Face to Face, Jun 8 Killswitch Engage, Jun 9 The Psychadelic Furs, Jun 14 Robert Drakes 50th Birthday Blow Out, Jun 15 Dylan Moran, Jun 22
1409 N. 9th St
The Rolling Stones, Jun 18 Bruno Mars, Jun 24
TICKETS 610-332-1300
TICKETS (215) 922-5483
REVERB - Reading, PA
TICKETS 215-336-3600
MUSIKFEST / CAFE Bethlehem, PA
TICKETS (215) 627-1332 Alkaline Trio, May 23 The Dandy Warhols, Jun 1 Summerland Tour, Jun 20 Rancid, Jun 22 This is Hard Core, Aug 8-11
Kellie Pickler, Jun 1 Blues Traveler, Jun 21 Brandi Glanville, Jun 22
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MADISON SQUARE GARDEN New York, NY
Aaron Lewis, Jun 12 SlapJaw, Jun 14 Electric Hot Tuna, Jun 25 Mac Miller, Jul 16 Kansas, Aug 11
KESWICK THEATRE, Glenside, PA TICKETS 215-572-7650 DuDu Fisher, May 29 The B-52’s, Jun 7 The Go-Go’s, Jun 12 Hot Tuna Acoustic, Jun 14
PENNS PEAK, Jim Thorpe, PA TICKETS 570-325-0371
Lee Brice, May 30 Skid Row, May 31 Rockapella, Jun 7 Ana Popovic w/ special guest Dana Fuchs, Jun 8
Step Back into the 80’s with Skid Row Friday at Penn’s Peak in Jim Thorpe
THE VALLEY BEAT MAY 29, 2013
PAGE 9
THE VALLEY BEAT MAY 29, 2013
CLUBS AND PUBS ALLENTOWN
Sands Bethlehem The Brewworks Molten Lounge Restaurant & 511 E. 3rd Street Brewery 812-816 W Hamilton St 484-777-7777 5/29 MC Tom Taylor 610-433-7777 5/30 Total Whiteout Tuesday: Comedy 5/31 Pop Scene Wednesday: Trivia 6/1 My Hero Zero Tilted Kilt iT’sKaraoke cLosEr THan YoU 6/2 Off The THinK Road Thursday: 2835 Lehigh St 6/3 Krock oF AGeS “Weird Al”Office YAnkovic Party XFe cAGe WArS 24 BillY Element idol Friday: 610-791-2100 Saturday: Guided Tours 6/4 Tower Suite Grumpy’s BBQ Roosevelt’s 21st BATH Roadhouse 25 E. Elizabeth Ave 3000 Mauch Chunk Rd Cornerstone Pub (610) JUnE 4 JUnE 8 JUnE 9 266-1950 JUnE 10 610-769-4600 6/1 Saturday Night 506 Penn St 5/31 Friends Of TOM 610-837-6670 Madness nBc FiGHT niGHT MenopAuSe THe MuSicAl AMericA Willie nelSon 6/1 T.B.A 6/1 Banned From The Godfrey Daniels Ranch 7 E. Fourth St Rascals Pub & 610-867-2390 Afterdark Lounge BETHLEHEM 5/31 Geremia 6616 Ruppsville Rd JUnE 14 JUnE Paul 21 JUnE 16 JUnE 29 6/1 Burning Bridget Bar With No Name 610-366-1130 Cleary 300 Gateway Drive PATIO NOW OPEN! Los Lobos dWiGHT YoAkAM MicHAel McdonAld SeTH MeYerS Los LoneLy boys 5/31 DJ Keith on the 610-866-5800 ALejAndro escovedo Patio / Sidearm Fridays: DJ Cap Cee Back to the Action Saturdays: DJ Trama Jabber Jaws Bar & Grille 1327 Chew St Allentown, PA 610-432-6524
JULY 3
JULY 7
JULY 10
JULY 12
MacGrady’s CATASAQUA 117 E. Third St Blue Monkey EvEnTs 610-868-8925grEaT Upcoming Sports Restaurant 11 SlASH FeATurinG MYleS kennedY STeelY dAn – SepTeMBer 27 Wednesday: TriviaJAY leno – AuGuST1092 And THe conSpirATorS – JulY 16 Howertown Rd 28 THe WAnTed – AuGuST 24 JeFF FoXWorTHY – SepTeMBer Thurday: DJ@10pm TonY BenneTT – JulY 26 GABriel iGleSiAS –610-266-1550 AuGuST 29 celTic THunder – ocToBer 9 & cHonG/WAr –EntertainJulY 28 Sat: cHeecH Acoustic diAnA krAll – ocToBer 10 HAnSon – SepTeMBer 2 FrAnkie vAlli – noveMBer 9 SArAH BriGHTMAn – COOPERSBURG SepTeMBer 22 Main Gate mentiMprAcTicAl JokerS – JulY 31 17 W. Liberty Street Silhouettes BOX OffICE: 610.297.7400. contact the box office about our Luxury seating. 610-776-7711 Showbar & Funhouse sanDsEvEnTcEnTEr.com Friday Night: Noche 5 E. Fourth Street Gentlemen’s Club Join THE mUsic insiDEr For 111 E. Station Ave Latina vaLUabLE prEsaLE inFormaTion 610-868-5311 (Right off 309) Saturday: Classique 5/29 T.B.A /THEsbEc @THEsbEc 610-282-8010 80’s, 90’s music 5/30 T.B.A 5/31 T.B.A Stratus Night Club BARTONSVILLE 1193 Airport Road 6/1 T.B.A The Pocono Pub 610-776-2090 6/2 T.B.A Rt. 611, Bartonsville Wednesday: Karaoke 6/3 T.B.A 570-421-5743 6/1 Rupall Drag Race 6/4 T.B.A Monday: Open Mic Roxxxy Andrews Tues, Thurs, Sun: Karaoke Diamondz Strange Brew 5/29 T.B.A 1913 W Broad St Tavern 6/1 Live Entertainment Bethlehem, Pa 18018 1996 S. Fifth St 610 865 1028 610-841-3610 EASTON Monday: Pong night Monday: Jukebox Spanky’s East Sunday: Open mic Thursday: Karaoke 1700 Butler St 5/31 Ricky Smith & Fri & Sat: Dance club/ 610-559-5170 The Crush Tues: Texas Hold Em’ Karaoke 6/1 Endzone Golf Outing June 17 Sunday: Karaoke Drinky’s Roosevelt’s 21st 3 Centre St Sq 1328 W. Tilghman St Bethlehem Brew Works 610-252-3800 (610) 770-1444 FishBowl Thursday’s 569 Main St Mon - Fri 1/2 price with DJ Adriano apps Live Music 4-7 610-882-1300 Live Entertainment Porter’s Pub Tim Harakal / Billy Vision Bar @ Sands 700 Northampton St. Patrick / Strange Event Center 610-250-6561 Coincidence & More 77 Sands Boulevard 5/30 Ojespa Jazz Project 5/31 The Boiled Owls 610-297-7410 Jetport Lounge 6/1 Schubert & Binder 5/31 M-80 3400 Airport Rd. 6/1 DJ Cova Allentown, Pa 610-266-1000 Wednesdays: 6-12am Tally Ho DJ Jimmy K 205 W. Fourth St Fridays: 610-865-2591 Mike Mitman
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Banned From The Ranch 6/1 The Cornerstone Pub Bethlehem, PA
maY 31 mUsic bY
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MORE ON PAGE 26
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Pitchers Sports Bar & Grill 570 Union Boulevard 610-841-4001 Friday: Live Entertainment
MUSIC GREAT ENTERTAINMENT... LIVE coming To
UNITED
WE
With a burgeoning number of music venues popping up in the Lehigh Valley - many where you’re required to pay an admission fee - I thought it would be a good time to mention venues where the live music is free on certain nights. The only things you’re expected to bring to these venues are your hunger and thirst for food, drink and good music.
Once there, you’ll be impressed and charmed by its friendly staff, quaint atmosphere and ambience. It’s the perfect place for a rockin’ blues jam and “The Players Jam” hosted by blues rock guitarist/singer/ songwriter, Mike Dugan, exceeds expectations. This is not a fly by the seat of your pants, free-for-all open jam. Players from the tri-state area that come to the jam already have well-established musical chops and resumés and can pass muster with Dugan and his jamming house band that includes June Thomas on keyboards/ vocals, Jenn McCracken on vocals/ percussion, Rob Fraser on bass/ vocals and Don Plowman on drums.
For today’s Bands That Rock, we begin a series of articles (number to be determined) that will spotlight the local music scene as it pertains to open jams and open mics, the places where they’re held and the house bands that host them along with the talented local musicians who come out to showcase their skills. These bands and jammers play for pure enjoyment and love of music and we’re fortunate to have a wide variety of musical genres and locales from which to choose. From Bucks to Berks, Carbon to Monroe and Lehigh to Northampton, we’ll run the jam gamut from rock to blues to acoustic to Celtic and every possible musical mishmash in between. It’s my intention to do at least one per month. So let us begin… JAM #1: “The Players Jam” hosted by Mike Dugan at The Raven’s Nest, 625 Old Bethlehem Road, Quakertown, PA - Wednesdays from 9PM-1AM
Jenn McCracken on vocals is a nice addition to the band and one that Dugan concedes was a long time coming. “Mitch, we couldn’t play some of these older songs because we didn’t have the singers but with Jenn and June on board, we can do them now.” Last Wednesday’s jammers included a harmonica player, three guitarists and one helluva female vocalist from Easton by the name of Maria Woodford. This is the first I’ve heard of her and I’m aghast that I haven’t seen her until now. Maria was outstanding and she’s now on my radar for a future Bands That Rock column. She handed me a copy of her latest CD, “Bad Dog Blues”, and sang the title track with Dugan and company.
Raven’s Nest, with its rustic If you’ve ever seen Mike Dugan solid wood interior and low ceiling, perform, you already know how is a great listening room for live music with accomplished he is as a guitar player superior acoustics. You’re really going to enjoy The and a singer. If you haven’t seen him play yet, you’re Players Jam with Mike Dugan. Raven’s Nest is online in for a treat. Dugan has an easygoing style and at www.ravennesttavern.com and on Facebook. confident demeanor about him that makes all guest jammers feel comfortable when playing with the band. As for Mike Dugan, in addition to the jam, he is set Last Wednesday’s jam session had Dugan and his band to officially launch his concert band, Dugan Thomas, playing covers and originals. Particularly impressive, for a special night of music on June 15 at Godfrey was their cover of The Allmans’ “In Memory of Elizabeth Daniels in Bethlehem. This lineup features Scott Reed”. Jammer Eric on electric guitar joined Dugan Williams on drums. Showtime is 8PM. Mike Dugan and company for the intricate guitar harmonies that is online at www.mikedugan.com and Facebook. Dickey Betts and Duane Allman made famous in 1971. June Thomas was also superb on keys Mitch has been on the air rockin’ the Lehigh Valley for eighteen years and has been with The Hawk for the last ten years! Tune in providing the authentic weeknights for The Six O’Clock Class Reunion and great classic hits Hammond organ from the 60s through the 90s and on Saturdays for great giveaways including sound in “Liz Reed.” free concert tickets for great area shows! To have your band reviewed please Rob Fraser was steady contact me at: mitch999thehawk@gmail.com
PAGE 11
A raven’s nest may conjure up images of Edgar Allan Poe or a certain Super Bowl Champion football team from Baltimore but the Raven’s Nest in question is a beautiful, old country tavern in Strawntown, PA, in historical Haycock Township in Upper Bucks County. It’s a rustic gem, built in the early 1700s by Jacob Strawn, used as a stagecoach stop, an inn and was even part of the Underground Railroad according to its website. Although it has a Quakertown mailing address, Raven’s Nest is truly out in the boondocks of Bucks. If you’re not familiar with the area, you’ll want to employ a good GPS navigation system to find it.
JAM!
and solid on bass as usual. Rob’s one of my favorite bass players and never hits a bad note. His rhythm section counterpart on drums is the amazing Don Plowman, better known as the full time drummer of The Craig Thatcher Band. Plowman brought the goods for last Wednesday’s jam. He can take your standard drum kit and turn it into something special with his battering, southpaw style. His drum solo at the jam was inspired and something you don’t want to miss.
THE VALLEY BEAT MAY 29, 2013
by: Mitch
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THE VALLEY BEAT MAY 29, 2013
THE VALLEY BEAT MAY 29, 2013
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THE VALLEY BEAT MAY 29, 2013
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Featuring a wide array of domestic, import, micro & craft Brews Entertainment This Week: Fri May 31 – Ricky Smith & the Crush Sat June 1 – Endzone Sunday – Open Mic Night
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Page 14
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PLOT: Two years after their wild night in Bangkok, the Wolfpack is back. Alan (Zach Galifianakis) has been off his meds for six months and is running wild. After an intervention, Phil (Bradley Cooper), Stu (Ed Helms) and Doug (Justin Bartha) manage to convince him to go the rehab, but on the way to the clinic they’re attacked by a mobster named Marshall (John Goodman) who kidnaps Doug and threatens to kill him unless the guys can find the elusive Mr. Chow (Ken Jeong), who’s just broken out of prison. REVIEW: THE HANGOVER series seems like a textbook example of why some films just don’t need sequels. Sure, the first one was great, and to be fair, even the first sequel wasn’t that bad. It was stale, and had a ridiculously recycled premise, but at least it was funny. THE HANGOVER PART 3 is many things, but funny is not one of them.
STONE
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HOUSE OF GOLD AND BONES PT. 2
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TRANSIT OF VENUS
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BLACK SABBATH 13
IN THE END
BLACK VEIL BRIDES WRETCHED AND DEVINE
Heck, I don’t even know if I’d call this a comedy. There are precious few laughs, most of which are earned in throwaway bits by Galifianakis and – in one admittedly funny scene – a cameoing Melissa McCarthy. Otherwise, THE HANGOVER PART 3 is, believe it or not, a pretty dull crime/heist movie. Most of the running time is eaten up by a lengthy caper involving Chow and a mansion in Tijuana, while the film comes to an inevitable conclusion in Vegas, which at least allows us a brief reunion with Heather Graham’s stripper with a heart of gold- Jade, and her now four-year-old son, Tyler (or rather Carlos), played by the baby from the first film, Grant Holmquist. Probably the most puzzling thing about THE HANGOVER PART 3 is how Ed Helms and Bradley Cooper, who are now much bigger stars than they were in the first film, have almost nothing to do. Helms does his usual nervous schtick (he’s not the newly minted badass the end of 2 seemed to suggest), while Cooper basically does nothing, and plays it almost entirely straight. The focus is squarely on Galifianakis, and Ken Jeong. I like Jeong, but in these movies a little of him goes a long way, but he’s front and centre throughout, and is often more annoying than funny. And, while the first two films pushed boundaries in terms of taste and outrageousness, this outing is ultra-tame, with only the giraffe decapitation from the trailers pushing any buttons. The only really good thing about HANGOVER 3 is that Phillips still has a strong sense of style, with the lensing by DP Lawrence Sher being particularly sharp, and the soundtrack selections being well-chosen as usual. I think if Phillips ever decided to stretch beyond comedy, he’d probably surprise a lot of people, and the guy’s got style to burn, which is obvious even when the movie’s at it’s worst. It’s too bad that THE HANGOVER series is coming to such an anti-climatic end, but this is a series that has just completely petered out and needs to stop. This isn’t a particularly awful film, but it’s a very boring one and a waste of a whole lot of talent. Even compared to HANGOVER PART 2, this is a major disappointment.
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By Chris Bumbray
THE VALLEY BEAT MAY 29, 2013
Movie Review
GINA CRASH’S TOP 10
THE VALLEY BEAT MAY 29, 2013
ALBUM REVIEW
By: Scotty Brilliant
THIRTY SECONDS
TO MARS
LOVE LUST FAITH + DREAMS The other day, I had a conversation about music with a friend of mine. During the discussion, I mentioned Thirty Seconds to Mars. He responded by asking, “Who?” I told him that they are a band that has been around for 15 years now and is fronted by Jared Leto. He then asked if it was the same Jared Leto from Fight Club and Requiem for a Dream. My co-worker, Gina Crash, had the same problem when telling her friends that she was going to see them in concert a few weeks ago. They didn’t have any clue who the band was, but were more than familiar with their superstar front man. Yes, Jared Leto from Fight Club, American Psycho and Requiem for a Dream is the same dude that sings for the electro rock band Thirty Seconds to Mars. I remember him from a little MTV show from the mid-90s called “My So-Called Life.” Almost every girl in my 7th grade class had a picture of him hanging in their locker. I often joke around with my wife that when I die I’d like to be reincarnated as Jared Leto. Come on, the guy’s a movie star, rock star and he hasn’t aged at all since his time as Jordan Catalano. With all this going for him, you would think more people would be familiar with his band.
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It’s been 4 years since Thirty Seconds to Mars’ last release, This Is War. In the meantime, they settled a $30 million lawsuit with Virgin Records, their old label, and have been touring nonstop. They even set a new Guinness World Record for the “Longest Concert Tour by a Rock Band,” playing a total of 309 concert shows in just over two years. In April 2012, the band returned to the studio to begin working on their fourth album, Love Lust Faith+Dreams. This February, it was announced that “Up In The Air” would be the first single from the album and would also be first ever commercial copy of music to be launched into space. A CD copy of the single was sent to NASA for launch aboard the Dragon spacecraft on SpaceX CRS-2. The mission was launched atop a Falcon 9 rocket in March. Talk about going big or going home! Love Lust Faith+Dreams is a concept album; it revolves around the themes after which it was named. It is divided into four segments- Love, Lust, Faith and Dreams. The first two tracks, “Birth” and “Conquistador” are the theme of Love. “Birth” is orchestral song with Leto crooning the lyrics, “I will save you from yourself/time will change everything about this hell/are you lost/can’t find yourself?/you’re north of heaven/maybe somewhere
west of hell.” It would be fitting for the opening credits to a blockbuster movie. “Up in the Air”, “City of Angels”, “The Race” and “End of All Days,” make up the Lust section of the album. “City of Angels” was my favorite song from the record and it reminded me of U2’s “With or Without You.” Faith is introduced by “Pyres of Varanasi” and runs through “Bright Lights” and “Do or Die.” The most heartfelt lyrics on the album can be found on “Bright Lights,” with Leto singing about heartbreak and forgiveness. Dreams is the theme of the remaining three songs on the album, “Convergence,” “Northern Lights” and the one I can’t pronounce, “Depuis Le Début” I began to lose focus at this point; none of the three songs really peeked my interest. Other than a couple of “fillers,” I was impressed with the lyrics and orchestral arrangements. Ready to crank it up? Here we go:
Crank It Up In the Air City of Angels Bright Lights Do or Die Skip It End of All Days Convergence Depuis Le Début If you’re a fan of ethereal, space rock bands like Mars Volta or Angels and Airwaves, then this record is for you. If you have no idea what the hell I’m talking about, listen to it anyway. And if you’re still convinced that Jared Leto is just an actor, then I urge you to shut off your TV and download Love Lust Faith+Dreams.
Scotty Brilliant is the Afternoon Drive Personality on The Valley’s Real Rock Station, 107 The Bone. Hit Scotty up for a Road Rage or Work Release Friday request, or let him know if there is a new album you want him to review! Find him on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/ScottyBrilliant.
THE VALLEY BEAT MAY 29, 2013
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THE VALLEY BEAT MAY 29, 2013
HARD COVER
ART EXHIBIT
Manufactured Consent An evolution in collaboration Where: The Fowler center, 511 East Third Street, Bethlehem. (near steel stacks). When: Opening reception June 7th first friday. 5-10pm Why: • Paintings will be available for purchase, but mostly a study in artist collaboration and influence. • To create an educational setting for both the traditional and nontraditional art goer. • To partner with area businesses so as not to rely on state funds (see show partners below) Frannet, Akroyd Hardware, Matt Hamm production services, Mike Schnalzer cooking demos, and space donated by Northhampton Community college. Opening: June 7th First Friday. 2013. Follow up first Friday July 5th. • The exhibition features oil painters Darrell George, Chris Kosztyo, Marlow Rodale, and film maker Daniel Paashaus. • Weekly hours not yet established, but individual and group showings are available by emailing Darrell George unstopgallery@yahoo.com, or they can join our events page at facebook.com….search “manufactured consent”. • Opening Event includes a live cooking demo by Chef Mike Schnalzer, music by Dj Discreet, and an assorted wine selection.
Overview It’s finally time! Detective Lindsay Boxer is in labor—while two killers are on the loose. Lindsay Boxer’s beautiful baby is born! But after only a week at home with her new daughter, Lindsay is forced to return to work to face two of the biggest cases of her career.
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A rising star football player for the San Francisco 49ers is the prime suspect in a grisly murder. At the same time, Lindsay is confronted with the strangest story she’s ever heard: An eccentric English professor has been having vivid nightmares about a violent murder and he’s convinced is real. Lindsay doesn’t believe him, but then a shooting is called in-and it fits the professor’s description to the last detail. Lindsay doesn’t have much time to stop a terrifying future from unfolding. But all the crimes in the world seem like nothing when Lindsay is suddenly faced with the possibility of the most devastating loss of her life.
Manufactured Consent is an art event which studies the evolution present in creative collaboration. How does the viewer react, and how does that reaction alter the course of the art itself. As three artists triangulate a position in the collective consciousness they search for an opening where there can be sway. How do the artists invite the viewer in? How will we startle you out of your deep rooted life patterns? We will create a new realm, defend it, lobby for it, and build an experience through imagery. Through an artist controlled show we learn how, if given the power, we may make an attempt to sway the public. Where does the artist fit in today’s culture of influence? Is it that similar brains will naturally and by default align to achieve a common, if unspecified future? It is our proposal to each elicit and highlight a creative world governed by a collaborative faith spurred on by emotion and use it as a vehicle to gain the viewer’s confidence and acquiescence. The next stage for this collaboration is developing in our peripheral vision, and it’s happening right now. Full of contradictions and influence…all engaged, ready and willing, the constant siege of marketing set in motion presented and deliberately thoughtless… simplistic relentless and unforgiving. To buy in, to give consent, but where does it start, and how do we arrive? A phrase made famous by essayist Walter Lipmann in the 1922 publication Public Opinion,… “the manufacture of consent” imagines “a machinery of intellect to circumvent the primary defect of democracy”. CONTINUED ON PAGE 21
THE VALLEY BEAT MAY 29, 2013
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THE VALLEY BEAT MAY 29, 2013
Dancing with the Stars Season 16 winner, Kellie Pickler, will be performing at the Sherman Theater Summer Stage at Mount Airy Casino on June 1, 2013 at 8:00 PM. The 26-year-old country singer will be putting on her “red high heels” and honky-tonk attitude to kick off the summer in the Poconos. Pickler rose to fame after being a contestant on the fifth season of American Idol in 2006, but didn’t win the competition like she did Dancing with the Stars. She was signed to 19 Recordings and BNA Records shortly after
ART EXHIBIT
continued from page 18
The common man is not interested or capable of making major decisions, so it is necessary to do it for him. More recently Noam Chomsky’s film “Manufacturing Consent” described a press backed by a government subsidized agenda that gains consent through overt coercion. It is the essence of our society: The use of media and news to bring a population to submit to civil rule through influence and without overt coercion…to strengthen an idea through a relentless barrage of images and phrases. Consent has to be manufactured and it is an art by which the goal is arrived. To discover the agenda of those who stand to gain you learn the components used to manufacture what people think. To understand the components used to reach consent you begin to break the code of constant acquiesce and enter a realm of critical thinking.
THE VALLEY BEAT MAY 29, 2013
THIS WEEKEND
Manufactured consent is a prophetic gamble against the general population and their inability to think critically. The message will be creatively persistent, relentless, and unforgiving. If art is a vehicle for change, what is the artist’s responsibility to follow through and influence a population that protects the status quo? The artists:
Darrell George: http://unstopgallery.com/ http://unstopgallery.com/biography/ (bio)
appearing on the show and released her debut album, Small Town Girl, just a year later. From her roots in Albemarle, North Carolina, to taking center stage on American Idol, Pickler has made a name for herself in country music. Her albums have shown the transformation of Pickler being seen as just a singer on a televised singing competition to now a country artist. Pickler proves there is more to here than blonde hair and beauty; her voice is captivating. Pickler’s big lustrous voice is a “must-hear” at this summer’s performance.
Chris Kosztyo: http://www.chriskosztyo.com/ http://www.chriskosztyo.com/194193/facts/ (bio)
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Tickets are $35, $40, and $50 for reserved seating. The opening act will be Stroudsburg’s own Christian Porter, who will be making his debut since his stand out performance on The Voice. Doors will open at 7:00 PM with music by Robin Smith, also a local singer from the Poconos. The concert begins at 8:00 PM. Tickets for the event can be purchased online at shermantheater.com, ticketmaster.com, or the box office at 524 Main Street, Stroudsburg.
Marlow Rodale: http://www.marlowrodale.com/ http://www.marlowrodale.com/?page_id=2 (bio)
THE VALLEY BEAT MAY 29, 2013
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THE VALLEY BEAT MAY 29, 2013
NEXT WEEKEND THEATER LISTINGS AMC TILGHMAN 8 TILGHMAN SQUARE ALLENTOWN (610) 391-0772
FRANK BANKO ALEHOUSE CINEMAS STEELSTACKS ONE FOUNDERS WAY BETHLEHEM 610-297-7111
BECKY’S DRIVE IN Rt. 248 BERLINSVILLE http://www.beckysdi.com/
MAHONING VALLEY CINEMA CARBON PLAZA MALL LEHIGHTON 610-377-8626 http://mvcinema.com/
CARMIKE 16 1700 CATASAUQUA RD ALLENTOWN 610-264-9624 http://www.carmike.com/
MAHONING DRIVE-IN Rt 443 LEHIGHTON 570-645-6204
CARMIKE PROMENADE & IMAX 2805 CENTER VALLEY PARKWAY SAUCON VALLEY 610-709-8635 CIVIC’S THEATER 514 514 N. 19th St ALLENTOWN EMMAUS THEATER 19 S. FOURTH St 610-965-2878 THE GAP THEATER 47 BROADWAY St Courtesy of Columbia Pictures 610-863-3094
TOP 10 BOX OFFICE MOVIES
6. The Great Gatsby 7. Mud 8. 42 9. The Croods 10. Oblivion
THE ROXY 2004 MAIN ST NORTHAMPTON 610-262-7699 http://roxytheaternorthampton.com/ SHANKWEILER’S DRIVE-IN 4540 SHANKWEILER RD (OFF Rt 309) OREFIELD 610-683-8775 http://www.shankweilers.com/
June 14th, 2013
REGAL NORTHAMPTON 14 3720 EASTON-NAZARETH HIGHWAY (ROUTES 33 & 248) LOWER NAZARETH TOWNSHIP 610-559-7800 READING MOVIES 11 & IMAX 3D 30 N. SECOND ST READING MOVIES 11 & IMAX 3D 610-374-2828
NEW DVD RELEASES
1. Dark Skies 2. Lore 3. Covert Affairs Season 3 4. Generation Um 5. Longmire-The First Season
Courtesy of Warner Bros
6. Red Widow - The First Season 7. Suits - Season 2 8. The Numbers Station 9. T.B.A 10. T.B.A
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1. Fast and Furious 6 2. The Hangover Part III 3. Star Trek into the Darkness 4. Epic 5. Iron Man 3
REGAL POHATACONG CINEMA 12 Rt 22 PHILLIPSBURG, NJ 908-454-7500 http://www.fandango.com/
REGAL RICHLAND CROSSINGS 12 RICHLAND CROSSING QUAKERTOWN 215-536-7700 http://www.fandango.com
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THE VALLEY BEAT MAY 29, 2013
THE VALLEY BEAT MAY 29, 2013
NEW MAYOR - OLD BRIDGE BY: Tyler Drake
60
Perhaps most important, as a member of the Public Works Committee (since 2012), he may be able to get our bridge fixed. The Fahy Bridge, the central connection across the Lehigh River It can be a difficult town, and it has seen its share between Bethlehem’s north and south sides, is of recent disasters. Blizzards, freak snowstorms, ailing. According to informal surveys, at least and hurricanes have cut down the power; a Mid82.3% of Bethlehem taxpayers use the bridge on a Atlantic earthquake shook the town two years daily basis. Inspectors from the state discovered in ago; sink holes open up under driveways and 2011 that the bridge had serious problems and the methamphetamine labs explode in otherwisetranquil neighborhoods. Floods washed away entire sidewalk was shut down. As news wonks out there stages during MusikFest. A bath-salt craze brought will recall, your correspondent broke the story that the sidewalk was getting use foot traffic despite demons into the minds of townsfolk. An early being blocked off, and as a result officials refortified morning fire destroyed a building in the center of town, and a bar called the Firehouse became a late- the path. In the time since, a concrete median has been installed to give pedestrians a place to walk. night nuisance because of fighting and criminal behavior. Actually, there is a plan in place to fix the bridge. State officials plan to begin repairs of the sidewalk Bethlehem (Arabic for “House of Meat”) will and other structural problems in spring of 2015. challenge its new mayor, Bob Donchez. It may Mayor Donchez: do not let this dissuade you from come in the form of natural disasters — at this fixing it before them. This is a great chance for local point a plague of locusts or an invasion by hostile government to stick it to the state government. space aliens seems likely — but there are also “Bethlehem (Arabic for “House of Meat”) will Also, there are parts of the other issues. Area challenge its new mayor, Bob Donchez. It may project that will be addressed schools are shrinking come in the form of natural disasters — at and nut-jobs want to sell this point a plague of locusts or an invasion by on a local scale. Officials are trying to synchronize traffic advertisements on their hostile space aliens seems likely” walls. Weather becomes more extreme every year. signals to make the crosswalk safe and possibly even add acorn-style lights, which some city Bath salts, although they are now illegal, are not going away any time soon. And there is this pesky officials worry will attract too many squirrels. Concerned citizens and internet-savvy squirrels can Fahey bridge, which is badly in need of repair. view plans for the updates online (http://www. scribd.com/doc/137597529/Fahy-Bridge-PublicI suggest that Donchez may be up to the task. As the 2005 Allentown Education Association Teacher Meeting-Displays). of the Year at William Allen High School, he is familiar with education and hopefully has the drive All told, in this town, it is best to have an escape to keep our schools strong and ad-free. As a former plan. Mars One, a project that is trying to send 20 member of the Northampton County Drug & Alcohol Earthlings to the red planet by 2033, is looking for volunteers. I am cautiously optimistic that Mayor Commission, he is prepared to battle bath salts to Donchez, even if he doesn’t have the hair of former the bitter end. As for locusts and extraterrestrials, mayor John Callahan, can educate the youth, drive Donchez has ample church- and long-distancetravel-related accomplishments as the Co-Chairman out the bath salts, keep us safe during the storms, blow the locusts into Easton, put out the fires, of St. Anne’s 60th Jubilee Committee (1989) and and protect us from space aliens. But Bethlehem as a member of the Bethlehem Tourist Authority is a tough town, and when the shit hits the fan (1991-1996). sometimes it is best to be on Mars. Best of luck, Bob. Bethlehem has a new mayor and a crumbling bridge.
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THE VALLEY BEAT MAY 29, 2013
ZODIAC
ARIES (3/21 – 4/19) You have almost no understanding of your friends who are in grumpy moods at the start of the week, what with all the luck and love and athletic spirit that has been defining your days. Monday through Wednesday, you’re absolutely scorching. Get as much fun and exercise out of your system as possible, because Thursday and Friday are comparatively hohum. Where the start of the week it seemed like you were working in a carnival, at the end of the week, it’s like you’re doing data entry. Saturday and Sunday, call as many people as you can think of, for no other reason than to say ‘hi’ -- the best reason of all to call someone. TAURUS (4/20 – 5/20) Someone taps one domino at the start of the week and sets off a chain reaction, getting a lot more than they bargained for. Alliances are tight Monday through Wednesday -- you and your pals are standing side by side. Make sure they know how much you adore them, and they’ll always have your back. Thursday and Friday are pure enjoyment -- someone has an idea for a game (dominoes, anyone?) and everyone else jumps at the chance to play. This weekend, bolstered by your great week, even house chores seem exciting. GEMINI (5/21 – 6/21) Ideas are spilling out of your ears at the start of the week. Monday through Wednesday, do what you can to put your ideas into action. Thursday, frustratingly, it becomes a lot harder to communicate, especially if the person on the other end of the interaction is a family member. You have emails to answer (and bills to pay!) on Friday -- nothing you can’t do while simultaneously talking on the phone. This weekend, shove distractions aside and concentrate on one person
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CANCER (6/22 – 7/22) You may splurge on a piece of art at the start of the week -- a photo of a city you love, an abstract painting that makes you tingle when you look at it. Whatever it is, it’s an extravagance -- not the kind of thing you buy every day -- but you consider it both a financial investment and a personal one. Be proud of your acquisition the first half of the week, and show it off. But toward the second half -- Thursday and Friday -- stop yakking about it. Saturday and Sunday, a problem at home requires some creative thinking.
LIBRA (9/23 - 10/22) You’re Christopher Columbus on Monday. You’re leading ships full of people toward an exciting discovery. How you came to be the leader you’re not exactly sure, but you tend to fall into leadership roles rather smoothly on a regular basis. Tuesday and Wednesday, the big picture is clear to you. Thursday and Friday, some celebrating is in order. In a social situation, take a passive role. Let someone else be the life of the party. Listen up, and what you learn may amaze you. Saturday and Sunday are super days: romantic, beautiful and busy (in a good way). SCORPIO (10/23 - 11/21) Monday through Wednesday, as much as you’d like to wear bright, colorful clothes, you’d be better off taking a black-and-white approach. Flamboyance is a problem the first half of the week, and self-control and professionalism are required at work right now. You get to have some more fun the second half of the week. Thursday and Friday are great days. A friend whispers something in your ear that puts a grin on your face. Saturday and Sunday are full of down-tempo pleasure. SAGITTARIUS (11/22 - 12/21) A postcard from overseas arrives at the start of the week. Sometime between Monday and Wednesday, you either buy plane tickets or actually board a plane -- and, if you do board a plane, chances are you get lucky with a great seat. Your cheeks may even hurt from grinning so much. Thursday and Friday are less grin-worthy. An authority figure is on your case, and it’s driving you nuts. Your friends are fawning over you and a lawyer might come to you for some advice. Plus, the big picture -- that everelusive big picture -- comes into startling focus. CAPRICORN (12/22 - 1/19) There’s only one cup of coffee left in the coffeemaker. Who gets it? This question turns into an outright battle at the start of the week. Monday through Wednesday, especially at work, everyone feels entitled, and no one’s in a generous mood. Frustratingly, this has an effect on your job performance. It isn’t until Thursday that you actually enjoy yourself and get something done. Friday is a good day for planning the details of a challenging new project, a project you might keep working on into the weekend. When you’re excited about something, you can’t help yourself.
AQUARIUS (1/20 - 2/18) LEO (7/23 - 8/22) An impulsive decision on Monday -- a bolt from the blue, The first three days of the week are the best three days a lark -- might be the answer that solves everything, the in a row you’ve had all year. You’re everyone’s favorite magic piece in a rather confusing puzzle. Your instinct is friend. Something you say to someone in passing may go on to something. Tuesday and Wednesday, experiments on to inspire them for years to come. Nevertheless, being and discoveries figure strongly. Later in the week, inspiring doesn’t pay the bills -- if you could figure out Thursday and Friday especially, require an adherence to how it could, you’d really be weightless. Thursday and standard operating principle, so put away your gadgets and Friday, financial matters require your attention. If you stick to what you do best: communicating with people, have some extra cash, this weekend’s the right time to covering details, taking care of things as they arise. purchase a piece of equipment you just can’t do without Saturday and Sunday are wonderfully social. anymore. A coffeemaker? An MP3 player? PISCES (2/19 - 3/20) VIRGO (8/23 - 9/22) You’re Christopher Columbus on Monday. You’re You’re incredibly talented, but there’s no chance for leading ships full of people toward an exciting you to demonstrate what you’re made of at the start discovery. How you came to be the leader you’re not of the week, because people give you a hard time exactly sure, but you tend to fall into leadership roles everywhere you turn. Monday through Wednesday are rather smoothly on a regular basis. Thursday and Friday, well-stocked with overbearing, inflexible braggarts. As some celebrating is in order. In a social situation, take if to reward you, Thursday and Friday are banner days a passive role. Let someone else be the life of the party. -- cheerful, tidy, productive. This weekend, making a Listen up, and what you learn may amaze you. Saturday big purchase with someone is going to bring you two and Sunday are super days: romantic, beautiful and busy closer together than ever. (in a good way).
CLUBS AND PUBS continued HELLERTOWN
Beer Mussels 1214 Main St 610-838-8200 Friday: Leechboy Saturday: Texas Hold’em Sunday: Texas Hold’em
PALMER Charles Chrin Community Ctr 4100 Green Pond Rd
CENTER VALLEY Melt Level 3 2805 Center Valley Parkway 610-798-9000 Fridays DJ Chubby C Saturday DJ Fog (Dan Glatts)
QUAKERTOWN Big Daddy’s Wagon Wheel Tavern Route 313 & Sternersmill Rd. 215-536-9989 5/31 Legend Band 6/1 The Evlis Cash Show
WIND GAP Score Card Sports Bar 130 N. Broadway 610-863-5269 Thursdays : Funtime Karaoke 9:30pm - 1:30am TC Dance Club 6623 Sullivan Trail 610-881-1000 6/1 Social Ballroom/Latin Swing Dance
READING Rumorz 220 N. Park Rd 610-374-3200
KUHNSVILLE Kuhnsville Inn 5745 Memorial Rd 610-395-2387 Wed & Fri: Karaoke
WESCOSVILLE
Krocks Pub 1160 S. Krocks Rd 610-391-0648 Sat: DJ Linx
NORTHAMPTON The Gin Mill / Main St Music Hall 1750 Main Street 610-262-5486 Wednesday: Karaoke Thursday: Karaoke Hammerhead Lounge 326 Main Street 610-262-6713 Tuesdays: Open Mic w/ Tim Harakal Thursdays: DJ B-Rad Fridays: DJ Statik 6/8 Rehab X 6/22 Scars of Bourbon
MACUNGIE The Pub On Main 102 E. Main St 610-966-2275 Thursdays: Comedy Night The Longswamp Tavern 20 Gap Road 610-702-3700 6/1 Kill the Broadcast 6/8 Neon Fusion
OREFIELD Leather Corner Post 6855 Horeshoe Road 610-395-1782 Tuesday: Trivia w/ DJ Slacker Wednesday: Acoustic Jam Thursday: Open Jam 5/31 A.D.D 6/1 James Supra Band
CLINTON, NJ Revolution 111 W. Main Street Clinton NJ Inside Holiday Inn
DOYLESTOWN
Puck 1 Printers Alley 215-348-9000 5/30 Lawn Boys Comedy 5/31 Rake 6/1 Cherry Lane Band 6/2 Bonner w/ Mackenzie Chambers 19 / The Other Side 19 N. Main Ave 215-348-1940 5/30 DJ Trubble 5/31 Lorenzo The Farmhouse Tavern 380 N. Main St 215-345-9373 5/31 Keith Garner
PENNSBURG PC Pub Restaurant & Sports Bar 500 Pottstown Ave 215-679-4900 Thur/Fri/Sat: DJ The Perk 501 E. Walnut St. 215-257-8483 Wednesdays: Open Mic Thursdays: Trivia Night Saturday: Karaoke
GOULDSBORO The Grandview Gentlemens Club Rt 435 570-842-2661 Tuesday: College/Miltary Night 6/5 Amateur Night
STROUDSBURG Sarah Street Grill 550 Quaker Alley 570-424-9120 Wednesday: Open Mic 5/30 Steve McDaniels & Friends 5/31 Old Man Brown Band 6/1 Thomas Graham 6/2 The Pocono Duo 6/4 Greg Klyma
For entertainment listings email us: thevalleybeat@gmail.com
Check out the JAMES SUPRA BLUES BAND Saturday at The Leather Corner Post, Orefield
THE VALLEY BEAT MAY 29, 2013
NOW
! E E R F SMOKE
J. Michael Straczynski ®,TM, ©2013 DC Comics, All Rights Reserved.
Shane Davis
AVAILABLE AT
JUST ACTION FIGURES 224 NAZARETH PIKE SUITE 8 (2nd FLOOR) BETHLEHEM, PA 18020 484-292-1914
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NIGHTLY ENTERTAINMENT PAGE 27
Wednesdays - Trivia Night Thursdays - DJ Thursday starting at 10PM Every Friday & Saturday - Live Acoustic Music
THE VALLEY BEAT MAY 29, 2013
THURSDAY 20¢ WINGS • THURSDAY 20¢ WINGS• THURSDAY 20¢ WINGS
BANNED FROM THE RANCH SAT 6/8 - 9PM - 12AM
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DJ COBRA / KARAOKE SAT 6/14 - 9PM - 12AM
THE VALLEY BEAT MAY 29, 2013
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THE VALLEY BEAT MAY 29, 2013
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THE VALLEY BEAT MAY 29, 2013
MUSIC
Drummer Wanted We are looking for drums to complete a 4 piece rock act. We have a variety of influences . Mike: 610-984-3791 GUITAR LESSONS from touring pro, performing and teaching for over 30 years and has shared the stage with BB King, Les Paul and Robert Cray. 610-360-5462
Trumpet / Bugler Needed To perform 140 Military funerals per year. Primarily between Reading and Allentown. 609-504-9450 Keyboard Player Wanted: play “Classic Hits” from the 60’s 70’s 80’s 90’s. Call Mike: 610-216-5501
EMPLOYMENT GET PAID TO WALK Are you friendly? Do you enjoy talking to people? Get paid to walk around your neighborhood and talk to voters. Get paid same day. Call Kelly @ 610-217-3751 9am-5pm, Mon-Fri.
Email // classifieds@thevalleybeat.com
Call // 9am - 5pm 7 Days a Week(484) 635-2253
EMPLOYMENT
EMPLOYMENT
REAL ESTATE
AUTOMOTIVE
Driver/Warehouse, seeking dependable delivery drivers for Allentown warehouse. Must have a valid drivers license and clean driving record. Other responsibilities include stocking inventory and preparing orders for shipment. Apply in person. Jacobs Auto Supplies 1532 Sumner Avenue Allentown, PA 18102
Delivery Drivers Wanted The Valley Beat is seeking Drivers for many areas in the Lehigh Valley. Must have own car / ins. Reply to: distribution@thevalleybeat.com
Spacious apartment, just renovated Six rooms, apartment, new kitchen, New decor, all utilities paid, near transportation. $700/month 610-266-7300
2000 CHEVROLET MONTE CARLO 3.8L 6CYL, AUTOMATIC TRANSMISSION, 133,000 MILES ,TWO TONED LEATHER, RUNS GREAT ! MOONROOF, AC/CD POWER WINDOWS, POWER LOCKS,$5,600.00 / 267-251-4997 (Montgomery County)
Coopersburg- Rooms For Rent Weekly or Monthly. Cable Utilities and wifi included. Single & Double Occupancy. $80/week and up. Clean Private. 610-282-8010
1995 white Acura Integra, 119,000 miles, runs great, automatic, all power, sunroof, heat, and dc sports exhaust sway bars. $2,300 obo also looking for a trade bigger car / 484-6950775
2br - House for Rent! (Salisbury)One, 2-bedroom house for lease! (Rental rate is $900 per month) Private, off-street parking for tenants. Property is located in a scenic wood area, but close to lot of amenitites! Close to I-78, just off of Emmaus Ave. $900/month For more info call: 610-972-7121
2001 Chevy Blazer 130k miles, automatic - runs and drives great, 4 new tires, new CD player, great motor and trans. $1995 / 484-788-9945
Environmental Field Tech The job will entail light demolition and soil remediation. The project will be kicking off within the first week of May and looking for more Hotel Housekeeping qualified personnel moving (Comfort Inn Quakertown) now accepting applications for forward in that same area. Please the position of Room Attendant. call our offices to inquire within is. Weekends are mandatory. No (201) 414-5702. calls please. Reply with resume or employment applications are available and being accepted at RESTAURANT hotel front desk 24 hours a day. Massage Therapist Seeking Massage Therapists Experience Preferred Call 610-262-9580
BARTENDER/SERVER Upscale Allentown restaurant seeking an experienced bartender/server. Must be able to work full time, weekends,days ,nights, & weekends. Qualified candidates should call 610-737-2183
THE VALLEY BEAT MAY 29, 2013
//CLASSIFIEDS
The Valley Beat
Cash Paid For Your Vehicle We Buy Unwanted Vehicles Cash Paid. Must Run 484 788 9019
TO PLACE AN AD IN OUR NEW CLASSIFIED SECTION CONTACT US TODAY...
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PERSONALS COMING SOON!!! SEND US YOUR SUBMISSIONS PERSONALS@THEVALLEYBEAT.COM
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June 17, 2013
m o r f s e l i 8m o n i s a C s d San
THE VALLEY BEAT MAY 29, 2013
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THE VALLEY BEAT MAY 29, 2013
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More Dirty Jokes! Q. How can you tell when an auto mechanic just had sex? A. One of his fingers is clean. Q. Why does a penis have a hole in the end? A. So men can be open minded. Q. What’s the biggest fish in the world? A. A hore, if you catch one you can eat her for months. Q. How can you tell if your girlfriend wants you? A. When you put your hand down her pants and it feels like you’re feeding a horse. Q. Have you heard about the new ‘Mint flavored birth control pill for women that they take immediately before sex? A. They’re called ‘Predickamints’ Q. What is the difference between a golf ball and a g-spot? A. Men will spend two hours searching for a golf ball. Q. What’s the difference between a toad and a horny toad? A. One goes “ribbit” the other goes “rub it”.’ Q. Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women? A. He died laughing before he could tell anybody. Q. What’s the difference between Mad Cow disease and PMS? A. Nothing. Q. How do you confuse a female archaeologist? A. Give her a used tampon and ask her what period it’s from. Q. Why does the bride always wear white? A. Well aren’t all kitchen appliances that colour? Q. What’s the difference between parsley and pussy? A. Nobody eats parsley. Q. What’s green, slimy and smells like Miss Piggy? A. Kermit’s Finger Q. Why did Raggedy Anne get thrown out of the toy box? A. Because she kept sitting on Pinocchio’s face moaning, “Lie to me!” Q. Why is air a lot like sex? A. Because it’s no big deal unless you’re not getting any. Q. What did the egg say to the boiling water? A. “How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just got laid a minute ago.”
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Q. What did the potato chip say to the battery? A. If you’re Eveready, I’m Frito Lay. Q. What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horses ass? A. A Mechanic.
READ THE DIGITAL EDITION ONLINE AT WWW.THEVALLEYBEAT.COM
THE VALLEY BEAT MAY 29, 2013
JOKES
PAGE 37
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THE VALLEY BEAT MAY 29, 2013
THE VALLEY BEAT MAY 29, 2013 Page 38
AVAILABLE WHERE YOU BUY BEER
Please Drink ResponsiAllentownBeverage.com
KELLI REXROTH
Photos by: Scott Davis Photography
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THE VALLEY BEAT MAY 29, 2013
MODEL BEAT
Age: 30 Glen Rock, PA What do you do to make $$$. Hair and promo-
Would you like to be considered for Model of the Week? Contact randy@donatellimodels.com or mickey@donatellimodels.com
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tional events Are you? Single, dating, engaged, or married. Married How would our readers get to know you or become your friend. FaceBook or Contact My Agent: Randy@DonatelliModels.Com. 610-9215582 Where was your best vacation destination. Jamaica What do you do to relax. Watch movies, have some wine or go for a ride on my Harley What sports do you watch the most. Not a sports fan! What is your favorite alcoholic beverage. Corona What happens to be your worst vice. Very impatient What is your best feature. My smile What TV show do you never miss each week. Sons of Anarchy, American Horror Story and Dr. Phil. What movie would you recommend to our readers. 21 Jump Street still makes me laugh every time. What is at the top of your “Bucket List”. Ride to bike week Daytona Are you a Spender or a Saver. Saver What have you done in the last year that you would think is news to our readers? What have I not done, I’m Super Mom! What do you sleep in. Tank top and comfy pants What is the worst pick-up line ever tried on you. That corny saying, “Are you tired? Because you have been running in my mind all day” What do want guys to know about sex/relationships that you wish they knew (but they don’t). Be sincere. We like surprises, even if its just a phone call. It shows you care and are thinking of us.