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THE VALLEY BEAT JANUARY 29, 2014

THIS WEEK

VOL.1176.

ISSUE 6 • OCTOBER 27 - NOV 2,4,2010 ISSUE JANUARY 29 - FEBRUARY 2014

10 CLUB & PUBS

We are working on it but need your help please send info

BEAT 11 LOCAL Each week we comment on local or national talent.

12 HOT SHOTS

Maybe we snapped a pic of you, check it out!

TOPCrashSPINS & MOVIE REVIEW 15 Gina from The Bone’s Top 10 Radio Hits. & A movie review ALBUM REVIEW 16 Done

by The Bone’s - Scotty Brilliant BOWL FESTIVITIES 21 SUPER Camille Capriglione shows us how to play it safe on the big game day

24 HOMELESS Elle Spaulding takes a hard look at the reality that the Lehigh Valley endures 32 ZODIAC Your astrology for the week

12 HOT SHOTS 39 MODEL BEAT 47

44 JOKES & COMICS A few chuckles to get you through the week

MODEL BEAT Last, but certainly not least your model of the week

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THE VALLEY BEAT JANUARY 29, 2014

by Chuck Shepherd

LEAD STORY: SELF APPRECIATION

LEAST COMPETENT CRIMINALS

Everyone’s Above Average: Ask Americans how they stand compared to their fellow countrymen, and in survey after survey, the vast majority rank themselves “above average” in such areas as driving skill, sexual prowess, and general honesty. A recent study of English prisoners, published in the British Journal of Social Psychology, revealed that those miscreants think they, too, are in the upper half. They rate themselves above average (whether compared to Britons in prison or in society at large) in compassion, generosity, dependability, trustworthiness and honesty. In fact, the only trait on the University of Southampton survey on which the criminals failed to rank themselves as better than the typical Brit was “law-abidingness.” On that trait, the inmates rated themselves merely as “average.”

--According to a police report, Tevin Monroe, 31, walked into a McDonald’s in Norfolk, Va., in December to inquire about a job, asked a manager for an application, and was told that the form was available online and that he should go download it. The manager’s response left Monroe dissatisfied, and he lifted his shirt to show the manager the gun in his waistband. The manager quickly located a paper application for Monroe (but also discreetly summoned police, who arrived and arrested Monroe while he was still filling out the form).

COMPELLING EXPLANATIONS -- Pastor Ray Scott Teets, 66, of Fallen Timbers Community Chapel in Springhill Township, Pa., arrested in November for alleged “inappropriate contact” with an 11-year-old girl (daughter of parishioners) on at least three occasions, denied to police that the meetings were inappropriate. The girl, he said, requested counseling with him and suggested that the sessions take place in the storage shed in back of the chapel. (The girl said there were six meetings, lasting about 15 minutes each, and denied initiating them.)

-- Robert Bourque, 55, was convicted of DUI in Sarnia, Ontario, in October, but continued to deny the charge. He admitted he had four beers on the day of the traffic stop but said the Breathalyzer result was misleading because he had recently poured alcohol into his ears to test his theory about how Jesus healed the sick. (Bourque was acting as his own lawyer.)

-- The mother and other relatives of William Medina, 24, said they felt hurt by the public’s comments suggesting that Medina and his partner in the November Reading, Pa., armed robbery were “thugs.” William was a “family man” -- “no big hard criminal,” his mother said. The two robbers, armed and wearing masks, were gunned down by a Krick’s Korner customer who said he feared the worst when he saw the robbers leading a store employee at gunpoint into a back room. A Medina cousin said he deplored people’s taking the law into their own hands.

THE ARISTOCRATS! Love the One You’re With: (1) Lydell Coleman, 36, was charged with felony indecent exposure in Seattle in December. He had allegedly dropped his pants outside the Sub Shop at Westwood Village and begun “humping” the front window. (2) Edwin Tobergta, 34, was sentenced to 11 months in prison in November after his earlier guilty plea in Hamilton, Ohio, to “having sex,” naked, with a rubber pool float, in front of children. (3) An inebriated Andrew Davidson, 25, was arrested in July on a train between Aberdeen, Scotland, and Glasgow after foisting himself on a beverage cart and “humping” it, shouting “I want to kiss you, I want to (have sex with) you.”

PERSPECTIVE --For nearly 30 years, until 2007, the U.S. national symbol, the bald eagle, was endangered and protected, but officially they (along with golden eagles) are now so insignificant that the government is willing to endure dozens of them being chopped to death annually in the blades of “clean energy” wind turbines. An Associated Press investigation in December revealed that the federal government is purposely ignoring the eagles’ attrition out of fear that outraged conservationists’ campaigns will hinder development of wind power as an alternative to coal-produced electricity. (Another recent AP investigation revealed a similar painful choice in the continued commitment to ethanol as a cleaner alternative fuel even though that cleanliness is being increasingly questioned, and even though ethanol production requires the massive diversion of corn that could inexpensively feed millions of hungry people worldwide.)

FINE POINTS OF THE LAW --Michael Robertson, 31, argued via a lawyer before Massachusetts’s highest court in November that his arrest for taking “upskirt” photographs of a woman on the subway should be tossed out -- asserting that he has a constitutional right to take pictures of anything that is not covered up in public. Said his lawyer (a woman), noting that the victim’s skirt provided only partial covering, “If a clothed person reveals a body part whether it was intentional or unintentional, he or she cannot expect privacy.” (Robertson’s case had been suspended at the trial court while he seeks a ruling on his legal interpretation.)

--The December federal court decision, by Judge William Pauley, dismissing a challenge to the National Security Agency’s phone surveillance program, suggested that even if a citizen might prove that his constitutional right to privacy was being violated, that person could never know it in the first place and thus never challenge, because Congress purposely made the NSA program secret.

SUSPICIONS CONFIRMED --University of Alabama football fan Adrian Briskey, 28, was charged in December with the fatal shooting of a 36-year-old woman (also a Bama fan) at a postgame gathering in Hoover, Ala., to commiserate over the team’s last-second loss to arch-rival Auburn. According to the victim’s sister, Briskey was angry at the woman because she was insufficiently distraught at the game’s outcome.

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(Are you ready for News of the Weird Pro Edition? Every Monday at http://NewsoftheWeird.blogspot.com and www.WeirdUniverse.net. Other handy addresses: WeirdNews at earthlink dot net, http://www.NewsoftheWeird.com, and P.O. Box 18737, Tampa FL 33679.)

COPYRIGHT 2014 CHUCK SHEPHERD DISTRIBUTED BY UNIVERSAL UCLICK 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, Mo. 64106

THE VALLEY BEAT JANUARY 29, 2014

NEWS OF THE WEIRD

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THE VALLEY BEAT JANUARY 29, 2014

CONCERT BEAT CHAMELEON CLUB, Lancaster, PA TICKETS 717-393-7713

TICKETS 212-307-7171

Jbre x Dougie Kent, Jan 31 KIX, Feb 1 RJD2, Feb 8

Billy Joel, Jan 27- Sep 17 • Keith Urban, Jan 29

CROCODILE ROCK, Allentown, PA TICKETS 610-434-4600

TICKETS 570-325-0249 Claire Lynch Band, Feb 1 Kashmir-Led Zeppelin Tribute, Feb 7 Joe Louis Walker & Popa Chubby, Feb 8

MOHEGAN SUN ARENA AT CASEY PLAZA, Wilkes Barre, PA TICKETS 570-920-7600 Charlie Daniels Band / Bret Michaels, May 30

MOUNT AIRY CASINO RESORT, Mount Pocono TICKETS 877-682-4791 Dream Girls Centerfold Revue, Jan 31 Tracy Morgan, Feb 1 Southside Johnny & The Asbury Jukes, Feb 15

TICKETS 215-336-3600 Kings of Leon, Feb 19 Lady Gaga, May 12

MUSIKFEST / CAFE Bethlehem, PA

SHERMAN THEATER, Stroudsburg, PA Page 8

TICKETS 570-420-2808 Greensky, Jan 31 Galactic, Feb 9 Rebelution, Feb 12

TICKETS 212-777-6800 Amon Amarth, Feb 4 The Pretty Reckless, Feb 12 The BlackBerry Smoke, Feb 15 Black Joe Lewis, Feb 19 Asaf Avidan, Feb 21

MAIN GATE, Allentown PA TICKETS 610-898-7200

SANDS EVENT CENTER Bethlehem, PA

Jim Gaffigan & The White Bread Tour, Mar 29 Big Bad Voodoo Daddy, Feb 7 Lewis Black, Apr 4 3 Doors Down (Acoustic), Feb 12 Yes, Apr 5 Lisa Lampanelli, Feb 15 Volbeat, May 1 NBC’s Sing Off, Feb 27 Rob Thomas, May 2 Demi Lovato, Mar 4 Franki Avalon, Fabian, & Billy Gardell, Mar 8 Bobby Rydell, May 15 Huey Lewis & The News Mar 21 Reba McEntire, May 18 Mike Tyson, Mar 22 Michael Bolton, May 30 Billy Currington, Mar 27 Rydell, May 15 Robert Cray & Mavis Staples, Mar 28 Reba McEntire, May 18

TICKETS 800-745-3000

FM KIRBY CENTER, Wilkes Barre, PA TICKETS 570-826-1100

Jim Belushi, Mar 13 • Kathy Griffin, Apr 17

SANTANDER ARENA, Reading, PA TICKETS 610-898-7469 Hair, Jan 31 Stomp, Feb 24 Skillet & Third Day, Mar 22

Yellow Card, Feb 4 • The Pretty Reckless, Feb 13

TROCADERO, Philadelphia, PA

THE ELECTRIC FACTORY, Philadelphia, PA

TICKETS (215) 922-5483

TICKETS (215) 627-1332 Dr. Dog, Jan 31 - Feb 1 Falling In Reverse, Feb 2 Panic at the Disco, Feb 5 Galactic, Feb 8 The Disco Biscuits, Feb 20

Mantis Music Showcase, Jan 31 BuckCherry, Feb 21 Dumpstaphunk & Kermit Ruffins & The BBQ Swingers, Feb 27 Animals as Leaders, Feb 28 Dark Tranquillity, Mar 2 Memphis May Fire, Mar 4 Broken Bells, Mar 8 THe Sounds of Animals Fighting, Mar 20

REVERB - Reading, PA 1409 N. 9th St

WELLS FARGO CENTER Philadelphia, PA

Big Valley Bluegrass, Jan 31 Megan Cary, Feb 1 Strawberry Fields, Feb 6

TICKETS 877-686-5366

IRVING PLAZA, New York, NY

MAUCH CHUNK OPERA HOUSE, Jim Thorpe, PA

TICKETS 610-332-1300

SUSQUEHANNA BANK CENTER Camden, NJ Demi Lovato, Mar 1 Robin Thicke, Mar 6

Sandlot Heros, Jan 31 Make Me Famous, Feb 12 For Today, Feb 15 Battle For AllStars, Feb 16

Jay Z, Jan 29 Lady Antebellum, Jan 30

MADISON SQUARE GARDEN New York, NY

(610) 743-3069 Reflections, Feb 6 Moonspell, Feb 16 Comback Kid, Feb 28 Tonic, Vertical Horizon, Dishwalla, Mar 4 Genitorturers, Mar 6

KESWICK THEATRE, Glenside, PA Wanamaker Lewis, Feb 7 Mike Mettalia Feb 8

TICKETS 215-572-7650 Transatlantic, Feb 8 Jim Jefferies, Feb 21 Josh Ritter, Feb 27 Dar Williams, Feb 28

PENNS PEAK, Jim Thorpe, PA TICKETS 570-325-0371

Black Amish Comedy Feb 21 KIX, Jan 31 Fran Cosmo, February 1 Dopapod, Feb 22 Changes in Latitudes, Feb 8 Badfish, Feb 27 Barstool Blackout Tour, Mar 1

CHECK OUT 80’s ROCKERS KIX SATURDAY AT THE CHAMELON CLUB IN LANCASTER

THE VALLEY BEAT JANUARY 29, 2014

MAY 13 reverb www.reverbconcerts.com SHERMAN THEATER DOORSWWW.SHERMANTHEATER.COM AT 7 PM / ALL AGES /21 TO DRINK 524 MAIN STREET, STROUDSBURG, PA

MAINGATE NIGHTCLUB 448 N. 17th Street, Allentown, PA

1402 n 9th street, reading, pa doors at 6:30 pm / all ages /21 to drink

(610) 776-7711 ALL AGES /21 TO DRINK

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Tix for all shows at Ticketmaster.com, Charge-by-phone 800.745.3000, All Ticketmaster Locations & at each venue’s box office VISIT FACEBOOK.COM/SLPCONCERTS OR SLPCONCERTS.NET

THE VALLEY BEAT JANUARY 29 ,2014

CLUBS AND PUBS ALLENTOWN

Jabber Jaws Bar & Grille 1327 Chew St Allentown, PA 610-432-6524 1/24 Triage

Tilted Kilt 2835 Lehigh St 610-791-2100 Grumpy’s BBQ Roadhouse 3000 Mauch Chunk Rd 610-769-4600 1/31 Mad Dog Blues 2/1 Brother from Another Rascals Pub & Afterdark Lounge 6616 Ruppsville Rd 610-366-1130 Thurs Open Mic w/ Billy Patrick 2/1 Billy Patrick Wave Night Club 22 N. 6th St 610-821-9283 Resident DJ Xtina Main Gate 17 W. Liberty Street 610-776-7711 Friday Night: Noche Latina Saturday: Classique 80’s, 90’s music

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BATH

Cornerstone Pub 506 Penn St 610-837-6670 1/31 DJ Goodtymez 2/2 Big Game Party

BETHLEHEM

Bar With No Name 300 Gateway Drive 610-866-5800 Fridays: DJ Cap Cee Saturdays: DJ Trama

MacGrady’s 117 E. Third St 610-868-8925 Wednesday: Trivia Thursday: DJ@10pm Sat: Acoustic Entertainment

Funhouse 5 E. Fourth Street 610-868-5311 1/29 Duddy Bros Band 1/30 Todd & Whistlers 1/31 Goat Wizard 2/1 K-Jamm 2/2 Modern Romantz 2/3 DJ Discret 2/4 T.B.A

Diamondz 1913 W Broad St Bethlehem, Pa 18018 610 865 1028 Strange Brew Monday: Trivia Tavern Thurs: Beer Pong 1996 S. Fifth St Friday Karaoke 610-841-3610 Monday: Pong night Saturday DJ June 1/31 Mighty Manate Sunday: Karaoke Sports 2/1 Lou Franco Pjct Bethlehem Brew Works Roosevelt’s 21st 1328 W. Tilghman St 569 Main St 610-882-1300 (610) 770-1444 Mon - Fri 1/2 price Vision Bar @ Sands apps Live Music 4-7 Event Center Live Entertainment 77 Sands Boulevard Tim Harakal / Billy 610-297-7410 Patrick / Strange 1/24 Retro Party Coincidence & More w/ DJ Cap Cee 2/1 Break Your 1/25 DJ Cova Resolution 2/2 Tailgate Buffet Lou’s 50 Yard Line 2626 Easton Ave Jetport Lounge 610-882-9190 Thursdays: Open Mic 3400 Airport Rd. Tuesday’s - Trivia Allentown, Pa Saturday’-Karoke w/ 610-266-1000 Wednesdays: 6-12am Jason 2/2 Big Game DJ Jimmy K Giveaway!

Fridays: Mike Mitman

Sands Bethlehem Molten Lounge 511 E. 3rd Street 484-777-7777 1/29 DJ Aaron 1/30 Ultrafuze 1/31 Tricky Dick w/ DJ Tom Taylor 2/1 Shorty Long & The Jersey Horns 2/2 Main St. Cruisers 2/3 DBM3 2/4 The FLamining Cacucsiains Roosevelt’s 21st 25 E. Elizabeth Ave (610) 266-1950 Thirsty Thursday w/ DJ Zee 2/2 Tailgate Buffet

Godfrey Daniels 7 E. Fourth St 610-867-2390 1/31 Amelia White 2/1 Bill Staines The Broadway Social 217 Broadway 610-868-2555 2/1 Male Revue

CATASAQUA Blue Monkey Sports Restaurant 1092 Howertown Rd 610-266-1550

Ultrafuze 1/30 Molten Lounge Sands Casino Bethlehem, PA

DJ Royale 2/1 Vision Bar Sands Event Center Bethlehem, PA

Break Your Resolution w/DJ Zee 2/1 Roosevelt’s 21st Allentown, PA

EMMAUS

Volpe’s Sports Bar 501 Main St 610-965-0311 1/31 Patrick Leaver 2/1 DJ Antbody

BARTONSVILLE

The Pocono Pub Rt. 611, Bartonsville 570-421-5743 Monday: Open Mic Tues, Thurs, Sun: Karaoke Fri - DJ Baby B 1/29 Scooby & Cookie 2/1 SC Project

EASTON

Spanky’s East 1700 Butler St 610-559-5170 Tues: Texas Hold Em’ Sun: 9-Ball Pool League Drinky’s 3 Centre St Sq 610-252-3800 2/14 Cupids Revenge Porter’s Pub 700 Northampton St. 610-250-6561 1/31 New Pony

Steel City Male Revue 1/25 The Broadway Social Bethlehem, PA

MORE ON PAGE 32

Stratus Night Club 1193 Airport Road 610-776-2090 Wednesday: Karaoke

The Brewworks Restaurant & Brewery 812-816 W Hamilton St 610-433-7777 Tuesday: Comedy Wednesday: Trivia Thursday: Karaoke Friday: Office Party Saturday: Guided Tours

THE THE VALLEY VALLEY BEAT BEAT JANUARY OCTOBER29, 9, 2014 2013

by: Mitch

THE HUNT FOR…

Wicked Beaver from left: Kristin Bond, Chris Lane, Andy Stewart, Lincoln LaBar excellent solo acoustic versions of Sublime’s “What I Got” and Deep Blue Something’s “Breakfast At Tiffany’s.”

After Kibler’s set, Wicked Beaver got back to rocking with 3 Doors Down’s “Kryptonite” followed by The Stones’ “Sympathy for the Devil.” Guitarist Chris Lane showed his skills on “Sympathy” with some great licks on the guitar solo. Lane was quite impressive throughout the evening as he shredded on Van Halen’s “Eruption” and then launched right into “Panama.”

Wicked Beaver played great classic rock covers from ZZ Top, Quiet Riot, The Offspring, Black Sabbath, Ozzy Osbourne, CCR, Alanis Morissette, AC/DC, Metallica, Neil Young and Tom Petty in addition to everything else. So how’s that for variety? Bang your Beaver head, Baby! Wicked Beaver is wicked good!

The good thing about this Wicked Beaver band is that they’re based right here in the Lehigh Valley and you really don’t need to go on a Beaver hunt into Jersey to see them although they are grateful when they see their fellow Pennsylvanians follow them across rivers and state lines. Check out their Facebook page for future gigs and check out Brian Kibler’s page, too! It’s all about Bands That Rock!

PANTONE 485 CVU PANTONE Process Yellow CVU PANTONE Reflex Blue C PANTONE 1395 CVC

Mitch has been on the air rockin’ the Lehigh Valley for eighteen years and has been with The Hawk for the last eleven years!

Tune in weeknights for Classic Rock of the 70’s, 80’s and more!

Listen Saturdays for great giveaways including free concert tickets for great area shows! To have your band reviewed please email him at: mitch999thehawk@gmail.com

PAGE PAGE1111

Beavers get a bad rap. Whether they’re of the rodent variety or of the 1950s TV character variety, the Beaver has been unfairly branded a pest. Even the word Beaver has been hijacked and given a sexually suggestive alternative meaning.

As a kid living in Philadelphia, who often took road trips north on Route 309 to Allentown to visit my grandmother, I would eagerly look for the castle-like structures of Beaver College, a familiar landmark that evokes fond memories of my childhood whenever I pass by there usually on my way to The Keswick Theater in Glenside. As a youngster, I told my dad that I wanted to attend Beaver College when I grew up when he informed me that it was a girls-only school. Dam! The final insult was when the college’s administrators bowed to the pressure and the perceived negative connotations that the word “Beaver” engendered by renaming the school Arcadia University. That always gnawed at me.

Beavers are noble critters and should not be the subject of so much ridicule. They’re loggers, builders, pretty good swimmers and they have some impressive teeth. If humans were as industrious as Beavers, think how much more productive our society would be.

Beavers have taken the abuse long enough so it’s no surprise that we have a Wicked Beaver in our midst!

I went on a hunt for the elusive Wicked Beaver and obviously, my quest took me down by the water where Beavers have been known to hide out in lodges. The long and winding road along the Delaware River brought me to a bridge in Upper Black Eddy that crossed over to the tiny New Jersey hamlet of Milford. Now before you start giggling about Beavers in MILF-ord, I have to tell you to get your mind out of the gutter and think Bands That Rock!

I found Wicked Beaver along the Delaware in Milford in a lodge by the name of Farm House Inn. This quaint country inn was a good place for Wicked Beaver to sink its teeth into some good jamming on a wintry Friday night.

Wicked Beaver features Kristin Bond on lead vocals, Chris Lane on guitar and vocals, Andy Stewart on bass and vocals, and Lincoln “Log” LaBar on drums and vocals. On this night, Andy Stewart was replaced by versatile guitarist/bassist singer-songwriter Brian Kibler. Also joining the band to help out on bass for a few songs was Pete Dannenfelser.

I quickly found out that Kristin Bond is pretty versatile herself when it comes to belting out the vocals on a wide variety of rock covers. She sang everything from Collective Soul to The Cranberries to Judas Priest to Led Zeppelin. But that’s only a small sampling of Wicked

Beaver’s repertoire.

They performed Modern English’s “I Melt With You” with Brian Kibler on lead vocal. This particular cover was so close to the original studio recording that people in the bar were looking at each other with stunned looks upon their faces. Kibler’s singing captured the essence and spirit of the song as he even incorporated a British accent to make it sound truly authentic.

Drummer, Lincoln LaBar, sang along for the chorus as he simultaneously kept the beat.

Wicked Beaver rocked a Judas Priest two-fer with “Living After Midnight” and “Breaking the Law” as Bond bellowed out her best Rob Halford impression. Zep’s “Rock and Roll” was wicked hardcore and Bond once again showed her range by handling the aggressive Robert Plant vocal.

The band took a break and turned the mic over to Brian Kibler again for a solo acoustic set. Kibler started off with a couple unplugged Alice in Chains tunes – “Nutshell” and “Got Me Wrong.” This was the beginning of what turned out to be a very entertaining set with Kibler playing 12 and 6 string guitars with occasional effects. He took the opportunity to play one of his originals entitled “Hooked.” After hearing this tune, you’ll be hooked on Kibler. He also gave us

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THE VALLEY BEAT JANUARY 29, 2014

THE VALLEY BEAT JANUARY 29, 2014

COORS LIGHT BIG GAME SPECIALS KEYSTONE PUB BETHLEHEM: $1.50 PINTS KEYSTONE PUB WHITEHALL: $1.50 PINTS STARTER PUB: $10 TOWERS STARTERS CLUB HOUSE: $2.50 ALUMINUM PINTS DUBS ON 5TH: $2.50 ALUMINUM PINTS OLD BREWERY TAVERN: $2.00 PINTS SHRUTYS: $1.00 10OZ DRAFTS ROOSEVELT'S 21ST ALLENTOWN: $1.99 DRAFTS $14 TOWERS ROOSEVELT'S 21ST BETHLEHEM: $1.99 DRAFTS $14 TOWERS DRINKYS: $1.99 DRAFTS RIVALS: $4 23OZ DRAFTS VOLPES SPORTSBAR EMMAUS: $7 PITCHERS VOLPES SPORTSBAR ALLENTOWN: $7 PITCHERS STRATUS: $1.50 DRAFTS HOPS AT THE FOGELSVILLE HOTEL: $2.00 DRAFTS

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HOPS AT THE PADDOCK: $2.00 DRAFTS SUNSET GRILLE: $2.00 DRAFTS 1760 PUB AND GRILLE: $3.00 20OZ DRAFTS THE RIDGE BAR AND GRILLE: $2.00 DRAFTS HAMMERHEAD LOUNGE: $10 TOWERS FOSSILS: $2.00 PINTS KROCKS PUB: $2.00 PINTS COMMIX: $2.25 DRAFTS SILHOUETTES: $2.00 PINTS SPORTSMANS CAFE: $1.50 PINTS MIXX: $2 BOTTLES NINOS: $2.25 PINTS ROJOS: $2.00 PINTS BEER MUSSELS: $2.00 ALUMINUM PINTS DIAMONZ: $2.00 DRAFTS COMMIX HOTEL: $10 TOWERS

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THE VALLEY BEAT JANUARY 29, 2014

THE VALLEY BEAT JANUARY 29, 2014

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THE VALLEY BEAT JANUARY 29, 2014

Were you a teenage anarchist? It’s safe to say I wasn’t, although I wanted to be. I think the closest I came to anarchy was in seventh grade when I wore a Sid Vicious shirt with a big anarchy symbol on the back. My teacher made me turn my shirt inside out or else she was going to send me home. At 12 years old, it wouldn’t have been such a bad thing to be sent home for a shirt that obviously was bought by my mom.

Hell, my mom laughed when I told her that Mrs. Bradley (my seventh grade teacher) made me turn it inside out.

I guess the real question here would be: how do you define yourself as a teenage anarchist? Is it by breaking the law, breaking social rules or by simply defying everything that is considered “normal?” For Against Me! singer and guitarist Thomas James Gabel, now named Laura Jane Grace, adhering to social norms is the furthest thing from normal.

where Laura sings, “You want them to notice / the ragged ends of your summer dress / you want them to see you / like they see any other girl / they just see a faggot / they hold their breath not to catch the sick.” This song sets the tone for the rest of the record. In “True Trans Soul Rebel,” Laura sings about her choice to be a transsexual, posing the question, “Does God bless your transsexual heart?” I can’t deny the catchiness of the old school punk sounding “Drinking with the Jocks,” but I do think the lyrics are a little biased. While the underlying premise deals with Laura’s struggle to fit in, I feel it does draw up a stereotype that is not completely accurate. Laura strays from the theme in the angsty, euro-punk tune, “Osama Bin Laden as the Crucified Christ.” The upbeat guitar riff see-saws with the sad overtone of “Dead Friend.”

My favorite song off the record is “Paralytic

Crank It True Trans FUCKMYLIFE666 Dead Friend Paralytic States (of Dependency)

Against Me! formed in Gainesville, Florida in 1997 by singer and guitarist Tom Gabel. They went through a few line-up changes over the years before settling on their current members consisting of guitarist James Bowman, bassist Inge Johansson and drummer Atom Willard, who is a big name in punk rock, having played with The Offspring, Angels & Airwaves, and Social Distortion. Since their incarnation the band has released five EPs and five studio albums, along with many other compilation and live albums. With their edgy lyrics and catchy guitar hooks, their style of punk rock is raw and in-your-face, without being too abrasive. Their lyrics mainly deal with rebellion, anarchism and not fitting in to society’s mold. By now you are probably wondering why the singer changed his name to a female name, it’s because he (now she) is a transsexual woman. Having dealt with gender dysphoria for many years now, Tom felt that May 2012 was a good time to announce plans to transition to living as a woman. He had been inspired to come out after meeting a transgender Against Me! fan. Right before the transition, Tom had began to insolate himself, taking week-long trips alone, checking into hotels dressed as a woman, and also writing a concept album about a transsexual prostitute called Transgender Dysphoria Blues, which dropped two weeks ago. Though the album was intended as a narrative, you can’t help but see the intensely personal connection that Tom, now Laura, has with the lyrics.

Transgender Dysphoria Blues kicks off with the title track and the very provocative chorus

States (of Dependency),” which was supposedly the only song carried over from Laura’s original incarnation of the album. Laura’s anger and opposition shines through in the last track, “Black Me Out,” where she sings the lyrics, “I want to piss on the walls of your house.”

holds nothing back lyrically in graphically telling her story of the journey of transitioning from a man to a woman.

Don’t get me wrong, this is indeed a solid punk rock ‘n’ roll album, and I give her all the credit in the world for telling it this way. I guess I just have to give it a few more listens for it to really connect, but for now, I am having trouble putting myself in his shoes…or her heels.

Skip It Unconditional Love Drinking with the Jocks Two Coffins I have always been a fan of the raw, punk style of Against Me! and Transgender Dysphoria Blues follows in the same suit.

However, I felt uncomfortable at times when listening to the album, almost as if I found a friend’s personal journal and read through it, learning personal details about my friend that I should have never known.

But after a certain point the damage is done, and there’s no going back. Laura

Scotty Brilliant is the Afternoon Drive Personality on The Valley’s Real Rock Station, 107 The Bone. Hit Scotty up for a Road Rage or Work Release Friday request, or let him know if there is a new album you want him to review! Find him on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/ScottyBrilliant.

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By:Scotty ScottyBrilliant Brilliant By:

THE VALLEY BEAT NOVEMBER 6, 2013

ALBUM ALBUM REVIEW REVIEW

BROUGHT TO YOU BY

1

2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

SHEPHERD OF FIRE

AVENGED SEVENFOLD HAIL TO THE KING

TIRED

STONE SOUR HOUSE OF GOLD AND BONES PT. 1

ADRENALINE

SHINEDOWN AMARYLLIS

WHAT IF I WAS NOTHING ALL THAT REMAINS

PLOT: 200 years after his creation, Frankenstein’s monster is drawn into a centuries-old battle between demons trying to rule the world and gargoyles who will do anything to stop the takeover.

REVIEW: You actually have to hand it to I, FRANKENSTEIN. It’s utterly ridiculous in every imaginable way, yet it goes about business with a straight face. Perhaps that’s because it’s “hero”, Adam (Aaron Eckhart) aka Frankenstein’s monster, is about as boring and bland as can be, reacting to every absurd situation the same exact way. There may be demons ripping off their human disguises and gargoyles descending from rooftops every five minutes, but Adam’s tediousness never wavers.

I, FRANKENSTEIN is the kind of movie I might have loved when I was about seven-yearsold. (And even that’s a stretch.) As adults, can we really take “a war between demons and gargoyles” with anything other than a scoff? Oh sure, we accept any number of silly plots at face value during the summer, but this film is goofy on another level, displaying all the narrative finesse of a rambling adolescent.

A WAR YOU CANNOT WIN

BATTLE BORN

FIVE FINGER DEATH PUNCH THE WRONG SIDE OF HEAVEN & THE RIGHTEOUS SIDE OF HELL, VOL 2

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The monster has killed his maker and now wanders the earth without a purpose, seeking out solitude where he can live out his tortured days in whatever might pass for peace. But he catches the attention of a demon horde looking to unlock the secrets of reanimation; if they are able to revive the dead, they can call upon their fallen demon buddies to possess the corpses and they’ll have an unstoppable army (or something to that effect).

I don’t think the film would have benefitted from a tongue-in-cheek approach, Beattie serves up his film monotonously, with absolutely no humor to be found. Everyone grumbles and mutters their lines, the dialogue filled with platitudes and empty threats.

I, FRANKENSTEIN is snooze whenever Adam or anyone else is providing a never-ending steam of exposition. No one looks like they’re having any fun.

Eckhart is a good actor, and this is the very definition of slumming it. He obviously got fit for this role, and he’s able to show off some moves in an elaborate Kali stick fight, but he couldn’t appear more disinterested. Bill Nighy, another solid performer, falls back on his intimidating angry-face as the leader of the demons; he can do this kind of thing in his sleep - and clearly does here. Yvonne Strahovski, who is lovely (and not quite a solid performer), plays a beautiful scientist unknowingly helping the demons in their quest for world domination; she just looks confused most of the time.

The main question I had for I, FRANKENSTEIN after it concluded is, why does this exist?

Who is this movie made for? The ads have made much out of the fact that it’s from the same producers of the UNDERWORLD movies, and I, FRANKENSTEIN carries over the same grim-blue visual style and self-serious attitude, but I don’t even think UNDERWORLD fans will give a hoot about this lame effort. It doesn’t respect the “Frankenstein” lore and brings nothing new to the fantasy or horror genres.

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By Chris Bumbray

THE VALLEY BEAT JANUARY 29, 2014

Movie Review

GINA CRASH’S TOP 10

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THE VALLEY BEAT JANUARY 29, 2014

BARTENDER: KEVIN A. SALAMONE

THE VALLEY BEAT JANUARY 29, 2014

How long have you been tending bar? I have been bartending 18 years, 19 years in the business.

What’s your favorite drink to make? My favorite drink to make is an Old Fashioned What’s your drink of choice? Depends: on a cold day a pint of Guinness and a shot of Irish whiskey, on a warm day a captain and ginger with lime, and on a hot day an ice cold miller high life or Pabst bottle What’s the craziest thing you have seen happen while behind the bar? Something crazy happens every shift, you can read about it in my book, that is another reason why I love my job, very rarely is there a night when crazy doesn’t find you!

What’s the most requested shot? Jager bombs, Swift Kicks, and Irish Breakfasts What’s the Best thing about your job? And where you work? Flexibility, and knowing there are job opportunities anywhere you would like to go, the opportunity to be around my friends and make new ones every shift. Working at The Legendary Tannersville Inn is amazing, you are literally surrounded by history seeing it was established in 1825 (you may find spirits that aren’t bottled) as well in the establishment And most importantly, what is your signature hangover cure? If you are lucky enough to be in the area a Teddy’s cheesesteak is a cure all, not just for a hangover but almost anything that ails you.

Kevin’s Favorite Drink To Make: An Old Fashioned 1 sugar cube placed in a glass 3 dashes bitters 2 orange slice 3 cherries 1 1/2 oz bourbon 6 ounces club soda Place sugar cube in glass with 3 dashes of bitters, an orange slice and two cherries. Muddle add ice, pour choice of bourbon over ice, top with club soda. To finish garnish with an orange slice and a cherry.

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THE VALLEY VALLEYBEAT BEAT JANUARY JULY 31, 2013 THE 29, 2014

No-Fuss Super Bowl

By Camille Capriglione The day of the party, clear snowy walkways, and have a place for coats and boots. If it’s slushy outside, toss down a couple of old towels just inside the entrance door for people to wipe wet shoes on. Place ashtrays in a convenient area outside for guests who smoke.

If you have more than one television, turn them all on when the party begins so that guests can mingle throughout the house and still view the game.

Halftime is a good time to prepare a second round of food and drinks. Enlist help from your friends. Be sure to sit down and enjoy the game yourself!

As the host, if you serve alcohol, you are liable for your guests’ safety, and the safety of others, if they drive home. Call a cab or have designated drivers. Insist that guests who drink stay for an adequate period of

time after the game. Make a pot of coffee to encourage this. Even better, if you have room, plan for guests to stay the night. Folks can bring bedding and pillows for a Super Bowl party turned slumber party that will be worry-free. PLAY BALL!

PAGE2121 PAGE

The Super Bowl comes at a great time of year. Just when we’re stir crazy with cabin fever and weighed down by post-holiday winter doldrums, it’s time for a party!

Festive, informal, with lots of food and drinks are the main goals of a successful footballviewing bash. With some creative planning you can throw a Super Bowl event that your friends, family and colleagues will enjoy!

When planning your guest list, remember that everyone wants to see the television and needs comfortable seating. Make sure you have plenty of couches and chairs (borrow some if necessary.)

Plan your menu. Chips, dips, wings, hot and cold finger foods, and hearty fare, like chili or meatballs, are always a hit. Even better, make it potluck. The best parties are when each guests brings a dish; it makes for a big selection of delicious food to choose from.

Use throwaway plates, cups and utensils. Get a cooler (or two) for easy storing of cold drinks and beer. You’ll also need a few bags of ice. Have bottle openers and corkscrews readily available.

Clean the house, but don’t go crazy. The majority of your cleaning will take place AFTER the party. Straighten clutter, clear the kitchen counter, wipe a dust rag and do a quick vacuum.

Focus on your bathrooms. Stock up on paper products, as the bathrooms will be used a lot.

Do some light decorating. Purchase football banners and streamers, in colors of the featured teams, from a local party store or dollar store. (While you’re there, buy a ‘prize’ for the winner who guesses the winning team and score.)

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MAHONING VALLEY CINEMA CARBON PLAZA MALL LEHIGHTON 610-377-8626 http://mvcinema.com/

CARMIKE 16 1700 CATASAUQUA RD ALLENTOWN 610-264-9624 http://www.carmike.com/

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CARMIKE PROMENADE & IMAX 2805 CENTER VALLEY PARKWAY SAUCON VALLEY 610-709-8635 CIVIC’S THEATER 514 514 N. 19th St ALLENTOWN EMMAUS THEATER 19 S. FOURTH St 610-965-2878 THE GAP THEATER 47 BROADWAY St 610-863-3094

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THE VALLEY BEAT JANUARY 29, 2014

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THE VALLEY BEAT JANUARY 29,2014

ZODIAC

ARIES (3/21 – 4/19)

The beginning of the week is about renewal. Don’t make any sudden moves or you might disrupt the process. Come Tuesday or Wednesday, you can make all the sudden moves you want -- you can do jumping jacks to your heart’s content. After a long process of figuring out what you desire, this week is about striking out into the world and getting it. Keep all your ducks in a row and make sure -- especially on Thursday and Friday -- that your reputation stays in tip-top shape. At the end of the week, you’re going to be surprised by what you’ve accomplished.

TAURUS (4/20 – 5/20)

Your world is flooded with emotion at the beginning of the week. You may need knee-high boots just to get through Monday without getting wet. Try to keep your sensitivity in check on Tuesday, especially around others. And on Thursday, when you run into someone with dogmatic opinions, be more open-minded than you usually would be -- you never know what this person might have to say.

This weekend, you might find yourself rubbed the wrong way by something someone says. And you might have a point. But there’s a chance they don’t mean it at all.

GEMINI (5/21 – 6/21) Someone’s health is on your mind on Monday, and you may spend some time doing some Internet research to figure out exactly what they’re going through. You are drawing closer to your good friends this week than ever.

On Tuesday and Wednesday, the connection between you and a pal is extreme and deep -- an exhilarating bond. The latter half of the week will be consumed with work stuff (bizarre personalities, hidden agendas, hard deadlines), but this weekend is a good time for reflection. It will also be good for some risk-taking in the restaurant department.

CANCER (6/22 – 7/22) Someone wants you to shake hands on a deal on Monday, but you should keep your hands firmly in your pockets.

No handshaking until you know for sure that this is what you want. Spend Tuesday and Wednesday doing something nurturing yourself (food, music, books, long walks) and weighing your options. Later in the week, if you don’t want to go out and be social with a friend, just let them know. This weekend, keep it low key, but don’t bore yourself. You’ll get a lot more joy out of a smart, challenging movie than a weepy, predictable one.

LEO (7/23 - 8/22)

Everyone is bringing their own motivations to the table, and you’d be wise to figure out what they are before trying to broker a deal. But, you know, good luck. You’ll have to rely in large part on your masterful intuition. You don’t have a lot of time to listen to other people’s minor grievances this week, especially on Wednesday, when you’ll be so busy with romance that you won’t have time for anything else. (Or at least you won’t want to make time for anything else.) On Friday, you’ll be possessed of a strong sense of what you want. Just be sure not to cling to anything too much this weekend.

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VIRGO (8/23 - 9/22)

The people you’re sharing your ideas with on Monday have radically different perspectives than you do -- and that, you’ve come to realize, is a good thing. It keeps you honest. And it makes you think about things you wouldn’t normally consider. This week will be good practice for going with the flow (especially on Wednesday) and for getting along with strong, creative personalities (especially on Thursday). On Friday, recent efforts in your love life are going to pay off big time.

What with all the change in the air, you’ll feel like a completely new person come Sunday.

LIBRA (9/23 - 10/22)

Change is in the air Monday, and you can’t stop thinking about it. You may feel like it’s selfish to dwell on all the good things that are happening in your life, but that’s ridiculous. Find ways to express how you’re feeling about everything on Tuesday and Wednesday, but on Thursday you might want to zip it and just play cool. Your moods are up and down and up and down this week -- it’s important to recognize that that’s natural. But the weekend will be two great days in a row, full of creativity and romance.

SCORPIO (10/23 - 11/21)

All you have to do is snap your fingers and everyone is at your service on Monday. You have a unique kind of social power, and you should use it sparingly. The connection between you and your friends is intense. It’s so intense, especially on Wednesday, that you might get caught up in a kind of crowd mentality -- which, of course, is something you should try to avoid. At heart, you are a determined and individualistic person. Friday is a great day to propose a new plan to the group, and this weekend is a good time to forget about the group entirely and focus on your family.

SAGITTARIUS (11/22 - 12/21)

You are feeling a bit slow at the beginning of the week, most likely because the weekend was exhausting and you’re still stuck in a sort of dreamland. But starting Tuesday you’ll be bounding out of bed every morning.

You may even be bouncing off the walls. You are a true original, and when someone asks you for your opinion on Thursday, you are going to give it to them, no holds barred. People love you for your directness. Continue to communicate in bold ways over the weekend, even with people you barely know. You make friends quickly.

CAPRICORN (12/22 - 1/19)

You’ve been holding off on deciding your next move for a while, but Monday is the day to make the big leap. You know all the facts and your friends are ready to help. By Tuesday, you’ll start to have second thoughts, but everyone always has second thoughts after they’ve made a bold move. You will start to see the wisdom of your ways by Thursday, and on Friday someone is going to admit how impressed by you they are. This weekend, your plan will come into fuller focus: The end result won’t change, but your plan on how to get there might.

AQUARIUS (1/20 - 2/18)

You know that the way to get what you want out of this scenario is to take your time and approach this methodically. Think of Monday as a chance to practice being patient. Your friends know just where your head is these days, and they’re great sources of support, particularly on Tuesday and Wednesday. You know that discipline is key, and you’ll have to resist extravagance on Thursday or Friday. This weekend, a sudden surge of energy (coupled with some exciting progress) is going to put you in the greatest of moods.

CLUBS AND PUBS continued HELLERTOWN

Beer Mussels 1214 Main St 610-838-8200 Friday: Leechboy Saturday: Texas Hold’em Sunday: Texas Hold’em

PALMER Charles Chrin Community Ctr 4100 Green Pond Rd

WESCOSVILLE

Krocks Pub 1160 S. Krocks Rd 610-391-0648 Sat: DJ Linx

NORTHAMPTON The Gin Mill / Main St Music Hall 1750 Main Street 610-262-5486 Wednesday: Karaoke Thursday: Karaoke

CENTER VALLEY Melt Level 3 2805 Center Valley Parkway 610-798-9000 Fridays DJ Chubby C Saturday DJ Fog (Dan Glatts)

QUAKERTOWN Big Daddy’s Wagon Wheel Tavern Route 313 & Sternersmill Rd. 215-536-9989 Wednesdays: Scott & Wade

WIND GAP Score Card Sports Bar 130 N. Broadway 610-863-5269 Thursdays : Funtime Karaoke 9:30pm - 1:30am TC Dance Club 6623 Sullivan Trail 610-881-1000 2/22 Social Ballroom/ Latin/Swing Dance

READING Rumorz 220 N. Park Rd 610-374-3200

KUHNSVILLE Kuhnsville Inn 5745 Memorial Rd 610-395-2387 Wed & Fri: Karaoke

Hammerhead Lounge 326 Main Street 610-262-6713 Thursdays: Crazy K Karaoke Fridays: DJ Statik 2/22 Midget Wrestling

MACUNGIE

The Pub On Main 102 E. Main St 610-966-2275 Tuesdays: Billy Patrick Thursdays: Comedy Night 2/2 Big Game Party!

The Longswamp Tavern 20 Gap Road 610-702-3700 2/1 Paul Rice

OREFIELD Leather Corner Post 6855 Horeshoe Road 610-395-1782 Tuesday: Trivia w/ DJ Slacker Wednesday: Acoustic Jam Thursday: Open Jam 1/31 Karaoke Contest 2/1 Droppin Trou

CLINTON, NJ Revolution 111 W. Main Street Clinton NJ Inside Holiday Inn

DOYLESTOWN

Puck 1 Printers Alley 215-348-9000 1/30 Open Mic 1/31 Karmic Repair Co 2/1 Adam Travis & the soul Chambers 19 / The Other Side 19 N. Main Ave 215-348-1940 The Farmhouse Tavern 380 N. Main St 215-345-9373 2/1 TBA 2/8 Tina Margot

PENNSBURG PC Pub Restaurant & Sports Bar 500 Pottstown Ave 215-679-4900 Thur/Fri/Sat: DJ The Perk 501 E. Walnut St. 215-257-8483 Wednesdays: Open Mic Thursdays: Trivia Night Saturday: Karaoke

GOULDSBORO The Grandview Gentlemens Club Rt 435 570-842-2661 1st Wed of Month - Amateur Night

STROUDSBURG Sarah Street Grill 550 Quaker Alley 570-424-9120 Wednesday: Open Mic 1/30 Chelsea Carson 1/31/ The Current 2/1 Brooke Shive 2/2 Pocono Duo

For entertainment listings email us: thevalleybeat@gmail.com

PISCES (2/19 - 3/20)

Someone is ready to finalize a plan with you on Monday, but you’re still a little fuzzy on some of the details.

Make sure you’re getting out of this what you want. As long as you pay close attention on Tuesday and Wednesday, luck will be on your side. So, incidentally, will all of your friends and coworkers. You have an amazing support system, as you’ll be reminded later in the week, and you also have friends in high places. You might want to go to them for advice sometime this weekend.

You have big dreams, and they could help make them come true.

Check Out Droppin Trou This Saturday at The Leather Corner Post in Orefield, PA

THE VALLEY BEAT JANUARY 29, 2014

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single in the CiTY

Rethinking Romanticism When people hear the word “Romanticism,” they usually think of flowers, poems and love . . . and they are partly correct. But the movement that dominated throughout the 19th century—with names such as Lord Byron, Kenny Luck William Wordsworth and Jean-Jacques Rousseau—a movement that stressed creatively, imaginative powers, individualism and romance, remains relevant in the modern dating realm.

Beginning as a literary and intellectual movement, the Romantic thinkers prized emotions over reason (rejecting their 18th century, more scientific-minded predecessors), and idealized women.

When he wasn’t penning famous works of poetry like “Don Juan,” Byron, for example, persisted as the Wilt Chamberlin of his day, supposedly sleeping with lots of willing admirers. He died in 1824 while fighting in the Greek War of Independence.

Another flowery Romantic, William Wordsworth—known for his lengthy, autobiographical lyrical ballads—led a less interesting life than his contemporaries like Byron; still, though, his works of poetry, penning phrases such as, “In my heart of hearts. . .” and “I wandered lonely as a cloud,” continues to inspire and endure.

Finally, a noteworthy protoRomantic, Jean-Jacques Rousseau, who lived roughly a generation before Byron and Wordsworth, stands as the founding father of the movement. Rousseau’s interests remain varied, writing on topics as diverse as poetry, music, education, philosophy and political theory. Even by today’s standards Rousseau’s antics (he once had an affair with an older woman, Francoise-Louise de Warens, who he called, “Maman”) continue to intrigue. Moreover, toward the end of his life, he wrote Reveries of a Solitary Walker, a classic book about his observations during walks around Paris. The book persists as a classic of Romanticism.

Long before Byron, Wordsworth or Rousseau, Romantic thinking thrived throughout Europe in The Middle Ages. At that time, during the 11th century in particular, members of the nobility would cross “erotic desire” and “spiritual attainment.” “The Age of Chivalry” defined gender roles and established codes of conduct for those seeking knighthood. Commonly, though, chivalric values— those such as honor and courtesy—seem worn and outmoded today. Yet these values persist in many ways and stand the test of time.

Rethinking Romanticism may not stand as a bad idea.

These literary figures and the ideals they espouse live on and remain more than just historical curiosities. Romantic love, idealism, individuality and a reverence for the natural world—these values carry through and stand as ideas and practices worth preserving.

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RESTAURANT

EMPLOYMENT

Seeking Interns Drummer Wanted We are seeking motivated We are looking for drums to interns, seeking college credit complete a 4 piece rock act. We email: thevalleybeat@gmail.com have a variety of influences .

Mike: 610-984-3791 Delivery Drivers Wanted GUITAR LESSONS from touring The Valley Beat is seeking Drivers pro, performing and teaching for many areas in the Lehigh for over 30 years and has shared Valley. Must have own car / ins. the stage with BB King, Les Paul Reply to: and Robert Cray. 610-360-5462 distribution@thevalleybeat.com Trumpet / Bugler Needed Now Hiring!

To perform 140 Military funerals Tattooist for busy shop per year. Primarily between Leave Message Reading and Allentown.

610-365-2159 609-504-9450

REAL ESTATE

BARTENDER Spacious apartment, Roosevelt’s 21st is looking to just renovated hire experienced bartenders.

Six rooms, apartment, new 1328 West Tilghman St, kitchen, New decor, all utilities Allentown, PA paid, near transportation.

21 East Elizabeth Ave, $700/month 610-266-7300 Bethlehem, PA Send resume or apply in person Coopersburg- Rooms For Rent at either location.

Weekly or Monthly. Cable Utilities and wifi included.

Single & Double Occupancy.

Now Hiring! $80/week and up.

Bartenders / Servers Clean Private. 610-282-8010 Cocktail Waitresses Contact: greg@thebroadwaysocial.com

AUTOMOTIVE

1999 Honda Civic EX System Included / Clean Title $3,200.00 OBO / Call Or Text 484-268-6400

THE VALLEY BEAT JANUARY 29, 2014

//CLASSIFIEDS

The Valley Beat

2003 Ram 1500 V8 SLT Crew cab short bed 5.9 v8 4x4.

It’s fully loaded It has 20 inch wheels please call or text 610-653-0453

TO PLACE AN AD IN OUR NEW CLASSIFIED SECTION CONTACT US TODAY...

Certain Restrictions Apply

PAGE 41

FREE CLASSIFIEDS FOR A LIMITED TIME. TAKE ADVANTAGE OF A FREE OPPORTUNITY!

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Page 42

OPEN 7 DAYS 9:30am - 10pm 25min from Bethlehem

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THE VALLEY BEAT JANUARY 29, 2014

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THE VALLEY BEAT JANUARY 29, 2014

PAGE 43

Signs of Maturity 1. Your house plants are alive, and you can’t smoke any of them.

2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.

3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.

4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.

5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator.

6. You watch the Weather Channel.

7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and break up.

8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.

9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as “dressed up.”

10. You’re the one calling the police because those damn kids next door won’t turn down the stereo.

11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.

12. You don’t know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.

13. Your car insurance goes down and your payments go up.

14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonalds leftovers.

15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.

16. You no longer take naps from noon to 6 PM. 17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.

18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.

19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.

20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer “pretty good stuff.”

21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.

22. “I just can’t drink the way I used to,” replaces, “I’m never going to drink that much again.”

23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.

PAGE 44

24. You no longer drink at home to save money before going to a bar.

25. You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that this doesn’t apply to you.

READ THE DIGITAL EDITION ONLINE AT WWW.THEVALLEYBEAT.COM

THE VALLEY BEAT JANUARY 29, 2014

JOKES

FAMILY OWNED AND OPERATED OVER 20 YEARS WITH EXCEPTIONAL CUSTOMER SERVICE RANKED NUMBER ONE IN THE POCONO’S

PAGE 45

610-921-0777 TV, Major Motion 156 Madison Ave, Picture Films, Print and Promotional www.donatellimodels.com Reading Pa

800-537-4667

THE VALLEY BEAT JANUARY 29, 2014

a t e n l o l i D

10/3/11

2:09:35 PM

THE VALLEY BEAT JANUARY 29, 2014

WinterRental_Case Note 1.pdf

AVAILABLE WHEREVER BEER IS SOLD!

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Page 46

K

Please Drink Responsibly

AllentownBeverage.com

LEAH CAGUIAS

PHOTOS BY: Donatelli Photography

SEE MORE PHOTOS ONLINE WWW.THEVALLEYBEAT.COM

THE VALLEY BEAT JANUARY 29, 2014

MODEL BEAT

Age: 29 Chambersburg, PA What do you do to make $$? I’m a pediatric nurse assistant. I work with special needs children. I also have my own business. I have a spray tanning and spa business, Print and Promotional Model.

Are you? Single, dating, engaged, or married?

Complicated.

How would our readers get to know you or become your friend? FaceBook or Donatelli Modeling Agency 610-921-5582 Where was your best vacation destination?

Cancun Mexico.

What do you do to relax? Listen To Music & Drink Wine.

What sports do you watch the most? Football & Basketball What is your favorite alcoholic beverage? Moscato Wine & Angry Orchards.

What happens to be your worst vice? I can sometimes be too nice.

What is your best feature? My Eyes.

What TV show do you never miss each week?

Vampire Diaries.

What movie would you recommend to our readers? The Hunger Games.

What is at the top of your “Bucket List?” Swim with the Dolphins.

Are you a Spender or a Saver? Both What have you done in the last year that you would think is news to our readers? I got married.. And Furthering my career as a Model/Actress with Donatelli Modeling/Casting Agency :) What do you sleep in? Shorts & Tank Top. What is the worst pick-up line ever tried on you?

Is your name google? Cause your everything I’m searching for. sex/relationships that you wish they knew (but they don’t)!? To listen more and empathize...

PAGE 47

Would you like to be considered for Model of the Week? Contact randy@donatellimodels.com or mickey@donatellimodels.com

stAY cONNecteD WIth Us! /thesbec @thesbec

FEBRUARY 12

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FEBRUARY 21

@sANDseVeNtceNteR /sANDseVeNtceNteR

FEBRUARY 15

FEBRUARY 20

FEBRUARY 22

MARCH 4

MARCH 14

APRIL 19

MARCH 29

MAY 1

MAY 2

BILLY CURRINGTON MARCH 27

/thesbec @thesbec sANDseVeNtceNteR.cOm

bOX OFFIce: 610.297.7414 SBEC-valleybeat-JAN 29.indd 1

1/24/14 3:02 PM