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GUIDE 5 NEWS OF THE WEIRD Weird, but true stories from here and around the globe
8 CONCERT BEAT
THE VALLEY BEAT JUNE 19, 2013
THIS WEEK
VOL.1 ISSUE 6ISSUE • OCTOBER 27 - NOV 2, 2010 144. JUNE 19 - 25, 2013
Concert listings from many places
10 CLUB & PUBS
We are working on it but need your help please send info
BEAT 11 LOCAL Each week we comment on local or national talent.
12 HOT SHOTS
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TOPCrashSPINS & MOVIE REVIEW 15 Gina from The Bone’s Top 10 Radio Hits. & A movie review 16 Done ALBUM REVIEW by The Bone’s - Scotty Brilliant
18 PLASTIC PAY
Tyler Drake looks at how low some will go to take advantage of others
26 ZODIAC
Your astrology for the week
36 JOKES & COMICS
12 HOT SHOTS 39 MODEL BEAT 39
A few chuckles to get you through the week
MODEL BEAT Last, but certainly not least your model of the week
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THE VALLEY BEAT JUNE 19, 2013
by Chuck Shepherd LEAD STORY
LEAST COMPETENT CRIMINALS
--The Food and Drug Administration proposed recently to limit the quantity of tiny “mites” that could occupy imported cheese, even though living, crawling mites are a feature desired by aficionados. (“Cheese is absolutely alive!” proclaimed microbiologist Rachel Dutton, who runs the “cheese laboratory” at Harvard University.) In fact, cheese is home to various molds, bacteria and yeasts, which give it flavor, and sellers routinely use blowers to expel excessive critters, but the FDA now wants to limit them to 6 bugs per square inch. However, according to a May report on NPR, lovers of some cheeses, especially the French Mimolette, object, asserting both an indifference to the sight of mites creeping around -- and a fear of taste-loss (since the mites burrow into the hunk, aerating it and extending the flavor).
--Paul Gardener and Chad Leakey were arrested in Tempe, Ariz., in May and charged with a spree of car burglaries. According to police, the men were trying various cars’ doors, looking for any that were unlocked, when they inadvertently opened the back door of an unmarked police car. The men had apparently not noticed (until too late) that two uniformed officers were sitting in the front seat and had also failed to notice that cage wiring separated the back seat from the front seat. --Timothy Adams, 24, was charged with home invasion in May in Gardner, Mass., but only after resident Michael Salame slammed him into the floor. Salame is 70 years old, has had eight heart stents, and is forced to wear special coverings on his arms at night because of nerve damage -- yet Adams apparently went down easily and at one point offered Salame “thousands of dollars” to let him up before police arrived.
IRONIES
--Energy West, the natural gas supplier in Great Falls, Mont., had tried recently
PEOPLE DIFFERENT FROM US
to raise awareness of leaks by distributing scratch-and-sniff cards to residents,
--Apparently running out of space on his body (which is two-thirds tattooed), Brazilian Ro-
demonstrating gas’s distinctive, rotten-egg smell. In May, workers cast aside
drigo Fernando dos Santos has moved on to his eyeballs. According to the body-modification
several cartons of leftover cards, which were hauled off and disposed of by
website BME.com, eyeball-tattooing is safe if done correctly, which involves the artist injecting
crushing -- which released the scent and produced a massive blanket of odor
the ink precisely between the conjunctiva and the sclera layers --with the main risk, of course,
over downtown Great Falls, resulting in a flurry of panicked calls to firefighters
that the client can go blind. In April, Sao Paulo tattoo artist Rafael Leao Dias, who said he had
about gas leaks. --Well, Of Course! (1) The Ypsilanti, Mich., City Council voted in May on a resolution that would have required the members always to vote either “yes” or “no” (to thus reduce the recent, annoying number of “abstain” votes). The resolution to ban abstaining failed because three of the seven members abstained. (2) Doctors told a newspaper in Stockholm in April that at least one of Sweden’s premier modeling agencies, looking for recruits, had been caught passing out business cards adjacent to the country’s largest eating-disorder clinic, forcing the clinic to change its rules on patients taking outside walks. --The United Nations Conference on Disarmament, a multilateral forum on arms control agreements, was chaired beginning May 27th (until June 23rd) by Iran, which, for that time, at least, had the awkward job of overseeing resolutions on nuclear non-proliferation, which the country is widely thought to be ignoring.
PERSPECTIVE
--In May, the Florida House of Representatives adjourned for the year without assessing themselves even a nominal increase in health insurance premiums for their own taxpayer-funded deluxe coverage, which will remain at $8.34 per month for individuals ($30 for families). Several days earlier, the House had voted to reject several billion dollars in federal grants for extending health insurance coverage to about a million more poor people in the state’s Medicaid program. The House premiums are even lower than those of state senators and rank-and-file state employees, and lower than the premiums of Medicaid recipients who have the ability to pay.
studied eyeball work for two years, successfully turned dos Santos’s eyes into pools of dark ink. “I cried ink for two days,” he told a local blogger. BME.com said eyeball tattoos have been reported for nearly 2,000 years.
THE LITIGIOUS SOCIETY
--Keith Judd filed a lawsuit in Iowa in May, in essence to invalidate the 2012 election by having President Obama officially declared a Kenyan and not an American. Judd filed the papers from a federal penitentiary in Texas, where he is serving 17 years for threatening a woman he believed to be a “clone” of the singer Stevie Nicks, because Nicks (or the clone) had tried to sabotage his home improvement company. (Bonus Fact: In the 2012 Democratic presidential primary in West Virginia, Judd, a write-in candidate, defeated President Obama in nine counties and lost the state by only 33,000 votes.) --Edward Kramer, co-founder of the annual Atlanta fantasy-character convention Dragon*Con, was arrested in 2000 for allegedly having sex with underage boys, but has yet to stand trial in Georgia because he has engineered a never-ending set of legal delays -- if not because of his version of Orthodox Judaism that limits his diet and activities, then it his allegedly poor health. (“As soon as he puts on an orange jumpsuit,” said prosecutor Danny Porter, “he becomes an invalid,” requiring a wheelchair and oxygen tank.) In 2011, after managing to get “house arrest,” he violated it by being caught with an underage boy. Lately, according to a May Atlanta Journal-Constitution report, he files an average of three demands per day from his Gwinnett County, Ga., lockup, each requiring painstaking review before being rejected. Kramer still owns about one-third of Dragon*Con, whose current officials are mortified that they cannot expel a man they consider a child molester.
RECURRING THEMES
--Dogs Gone Wild: (1) Oscar, a Lawrence, Mass., K-9, accidentally fired a gun into an occupied home during a police chase in March. He had pawed the trigger while digging into snow where a fleeing suspect had tossed his gun. (No one was injured.) (2) In March, a dog left inside an otherwise unattended, engine-running car accidentally kicked it into gear and pinned an unidentified pedestrian, knocking him unconscious. He was taken to a hospital in York, Pa., and revived. (3) Gregory Lanier, 35, driving his dog in a truck in Sebring, Fla., in February, was shot in the leg when the dog stepped on a .380 caliber pistol. He was not seriously hurt.
PAGE 5
(Are you ready for News of the Weird Pro Edition? Every Monday at http://NewsoftheWeird.blogspot.com and www.WeirdUniverse.net. Other handy addresses: WeirdNews at earthlink dot net, and P.O. Box 18737, Tampa FL 33679.) COPYRIGHT 2013 CHUCK SHEPHERD DISTRIBUTED BY UNIVERSAL UCLICK 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, Mo. 64106
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NEWS OF THE WEIRD
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THE VALLEY BEAT JUNE 19, 2013
CONCERT BEAT
CHAMELEON CLUB, Lancaster, PA TICKETS 717-393-7713 Why, Jun 21 Hiding Scarlet, Jun 29 Street Light Manifesto, Jul 11 Black Stone Cherry, Jul 16
MADISON SQUARE GARDEN New York, NY TICKETS 212-307-7171
TICKETS 610-434-4600 Coolio, Jul 19 Ministry of Love Great White, Aug 13 Bullet Boys, Aug 15
MAUCH CHUNK OPERA HOUSE, Jim Thorpe, PA TICKETS 570-325-0249 Craig Thatchers Saulte to Filmore II, Jun 15 The Felice Brothers, Jun 22 Cabinet, Jun 28
MOHEGAN SUN ARENA AT CASEY PLAZA, Wilkes Barre, PA TICKETS 570-920-7600
MOUNT AIRY CASINO RESORT, Mount Pocono TICKETS 877-682-4791 Blues Traveler, Jun 21 Brandi Glanville, Jun 22
Family Feud Live, Aug 2 - 4 Godsmack, Aug 7 Jay Leno, Aug 11 The Wanted, Aug 24 Gabriel Iglesias, Aug 29 Hanson, Sep 2 Russell Brand, Sep 14 Sarah Brightman, Sep 22 Steely Dan, Sep 27 Jeff Foxworthy, Sep 28 Celtic Thunder, Oct 9 Diana Krall, Oct 10 Franky Valli, Nov 9
Toby Keith & Kip Moore, Jun 22 Jimmy Buffet, Jun 25 Dave Matthews Band, Jun 28-29 Vans Warped Tour, Jul 12
IRVING PLAZA, New York, NY
HERSHEY PARK ARENA, Hershey Park, PA
SUSQUEHANNA BANK CENTER Camden, NJ TICKETS 877-686-5366
TICKETS 212-777-6800
TICKETS 717-534-3911
Caravan Place, Jun 27 Fitz & the Tantruns, Jun 30 Sly & Robbie, Jul 11 Psychadelic Furs, Aug 3
One Direction, Jul 5, 2013 • Dave Matthews Band, Jul 13
MAIN GATE, Allentown SOVEREIGN CENTER,PA Reading, PA
Kid Rock, Jul 6 Rock Star Energy Drink Mayhem Fest, Jul 13 Vans Warped Tour, Jul 16 Lil’ Wayne, Jul 21 Uproar Tour: Alice In Chains / Janes Addicition, Aug 9
TICKETS TICKETS610-898-7200 610-898-7200 Aaron Carter, Jun 26 Manson, Jun 18 Alice Cooper/ Marilyn
THE ELECTRIC FACTORY, Philadelphia, PA
WWE Live, Jul 7
TICKETS 800-745-3000
Menopause the Musical, Jun 21 Cheech & Chong, Jun 28 America, Jun 29 Dwight Yoakam, Jul 3 Michael McDonald, Jul 7 Los Lobos, Jul 10 Slash, Jul 16 Tony Bennett, Jul 26 Anti-Social Comedy Tour, Jul 20 Bad Company, Jul 29 Seth Meyers, Jul 31
Rod Stewart, Dec 9
CROCODILE ROCK, Allentown, PA
SANDS EVENT CENTER Bethlehem, PA
TICKETS (215) 627-1332 RX Bandits, Jul 19 Bens Summer Bender, Aug 3 This is Hard Core, Aug 8-11 Fall Out Boy, Sep 8 City and Colour, Sep 18
TOYOTA PAVILLION Montage Mountain - Scranton, PA TICKETS (570) 961-9000
TROCADERO, Philadelphia, PA TICKETS (215) 922-5483 Dylan Moran, Jun 22 Zombie Beach Party, Jun 29 Belle & Sebastian, Jul 10 A Flock of Seagulls, Jul 14 They Live, Jul 21 Summer Slaughter Tour, Aug 4
REVERB - Reading, PA 1409 N. 9th St
WELLS FARGO CENTER Philadelphia, PA TICKETS 215-336-3600 Bruno Mars, Jun 24 One Direction, Jun 25
MUSIKFEST / CAFE Bethlehem, PA TICKETS 610-332-1300 Carly Rae Jepsen, Aug 2 One Republic, Aug 3 Skillet, Aug 4
Frampton’s Guitar Circus, Aug 5 George Thorogood Styx & Foreigner, Aug 7 KC & The Sunshine Band, Aug 8 Darius Rucker, Aug 9 Ke$ha, Aug 10 Avenged Sevenfold, Aug 11
SHERMAN THEATER, Stroudsburg, PA Page 8
TICKETS 570-420-280
Blues Traveler, Jun 21 Patent Pending, Jun 28 The Legacy of Michael Jackson, Jun 29 Mac Miller, Jul 11
Dave Mason, Jul 18 Electric Hot Tuna, Jul 25 Kansas, Aug 11 We The Kings, Aug 14
(610) 743-3069 Fathers Day Invasion, Jun 15 Mayhem Fest, Jun 20-22 Alesana, Jun 25 Revocation, Jul 14 Kix, Aug 17
KESWICK THEATRE, Glenside, PA TICKETS 215-572-7650 The Zombies, Jun 21 David Sanborn & Bob James, Jun 28 Buddy Guy, Jul 30 Adam Ant, Aug 15
PENNS PEAK, Jim Thorpe, PA TICKETS 570-325-0371 Happy Together, Jun 27 Tesla Jun 28 Doobie Brothers, Jul 7 7 Bridges, Jul 12
BLUES TRAVELER IS SET FOR A NIGHT ON THE SHERMAN STAGE AT MT. AIRY CASINO THIS FRIDAY IN MOUNT POCONO
THE VALLEY BEAT JUNE 19, 2013
4 E. 4th St • BETHLEHEM, PA • 610-868-1313
www.mollysbethlehem.com
Monday - Friday 4 - 6pm $6 Martini Happy Hour Trivia Thursdays 8 - 10pm $50 - 1st Place $25 - 2nd Place PAGE 9
THE VALLEY BEAT JUNE 19, 2013
CLUBS AND PUBS ALLENTOWN
Jabber Jaws Bar & Grille 1327 Chew St Allentown, PA 610-432-6524 Tilted Kilt 2835 Lehigh St 610-791-2100 Grumpy’s BBQ Roadhouse 3000 Mauch Chunk Rd 610-769-4600 6/21 Brosky & Meyer 6/22 The Buzzards Rascals Pub & Afterdark Lounge 6616 Ruppsville Rd 610-366-1130 Pitchers Sports Bar & Grill 570 Union Boulevard 610-841-4001 Friday: Live Entertainment
Sands Bethlehem Molten Lounge 511 E. 3rd Street 484-777-7777 6/19 DJ Johnny B 6/20 Beat City 6/21 Drop Dead Sexy 6/22 Shorty Long 6/23 The Large 6/24 Lima Bean Riot 6/25 The Main St
BATH
Roosevelt’s 21st 25 E. Elizabeth Ave (610) 266-1950 Thursdays - DJ Jamal Knight
Cornerstone Pub 506 Penn St 610-837-6670 6/28 Uncle Smiley
BETHLEHEM Bar With No Name 300 Gateway Drive 610-866-5800 Fridays: DJ Cap Cee Saturdays: DJ Trama MacGrady’s 117 E. Third St 610-868-8925 Wednesday: Trivia Thursday: DJ@10pm Sat: Acoustic Entertainment
Funhouse 5 E. Fourth Street 610-868-5311 6/19 Taven Tan Band Stratus Night Club 6/20 Start Making Rent 1193 Airport Road 6/21 Trble City AllStars 610-776-2090 6/22 New Kings of Wednesday: Karaoke Rhythm 6/21 Summer Kickoff 6/23 Node Beach Party 6/24 Open Jam Nite 6/25 Born Crosseyed Strange Brew Tavern Diamondz 1996 S. Fifth St 1913 W Broad St 610-841-3610 Monday: Pong night Bethlehem, Pa 18018 610 865 1028 Sunday: Open mic Monday: Jukebox 6/21 Naked Jake Thursday: Karaoke 6/22 Call in Sick Fri & Sat: Dance club/ Karaoke Roosevelt’s 21st 1328 W. Tilghman St Sunday: Karaoke (610) 770-1444 Bethlehem Brew Mon - Fri 1/2 price apps Live Music 4-7 Works Live Entertainment 569 Main St Tim Harakal / Billy 610-882-1300 Patrick / Strange Coincidence & More Vision Bar @ Sands Event Center Jetport Lounge 77 Sands Boulevard 3400 Airport Rd. 610-297-7410 Allentown, Pa 6/21 Lost In Paris 610-266-1000 6/22 DJ Cap Cee Wednesdays: 6-12am DJ Jimmy K Tally Ho Fridays: 205 W. Fourth St Mike Mitman 610-865-2591
Godfrey Daniels 7 E. Fourth St 610-867-2390 6/21 Loretta Hagan 6/22 Mary Fahl of October Project
Summer Kick off Party 6/21 Stratus Restaurant & Nightlife Allentown, PA
Lost In Paris 6/21 Vision Bar Sands Event Center Bethlehem, PA
CATASAQUA
Blue Monkey Sports Restaurant 1092 Howertown Rd 610-266-1550
COOPERSBURG
Mary Fahl of October Project 6/22 Godfrey Daniels Bethlehem, PA
Silhouettes Showbar & Gentlemen’s Club 111 E. Station Ave (Right off 309) 610-282-8010
BARTONSVILLE
The Pocono Pub Rt. 611, Bartonsville 570-421-5743 Monday: Open Mic Tues, Thurs, Sun: Karaoke 6/19 The G & Steve Exp 6/22 The SC Project
EASTON
Spanky’s East 1700 Butler St 610-559-5170 Tues: Texas Hold Em’ Drinky’s 3 Centre St Sq 610-252-3800 Porter’s Pub 700 Northampton St. 610-250-6561 6/19 Open Mic 6/20 Yan Carlos Sanchez 6/21 Leoce Fresh 6/22 Echo Cellar Rocks
The SC Project 6/22 The Pocono Pub Bartonsville, PA
MORE ON PAGE 26
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Main Gate 17 W. Liberty Street 610-776-7711 Friday Night: Noche Latina Saturday: Classique 80’s, 90’s music
The Brewworks Restaurant & Brewery 812-816 W Hamilton St 610-433-7777 Tuesday: Comedy Wednesday: Trivia Thursday: Karaoke Friday: Office Party Saturday: Guided Tours
UNITED WE JAM! OngOing mOnthly series spOtlighting the lOcal music scene’s Open jams and Open mics My bartender, Kristen, expertly mixed and served my drink of choice – Ketel One and tonic with lime. By this time, the jam was gaining momentum as the house band served up a mash-up of Van Halen’s “You Really Got Me” and The Animals’“House of the Rising Sun” with Metallica’s “Enter Sandman” following.
THE VALLEY VALLEY BEAT BEAT JUNE JUNE 19, 19, 2013 2013 THE
by: Mitch
took his turn on the kit for the Peter Frampton version of Stevie Wonder’s “Signed, Sealed, Delivered” with house band bassist, Steve Johnson singing his heart out. Rivals co-owner and trumpet player for Brian Kirk and The Jirks, Matt Cochran, is a young man with a horn and he joined in for some improv jamming with the house band for classics, “The Letter” and “Sleepwalk.” Franco and Cochran had a little guitar/ trumpet tête-à-tête with each trying to outdo the other.
The vibe at Rivals only got better as The Blue Moon Girls arrived for a beer promotion. They politely I was about to order up another vodka tonic when I Lou Franco and guest jammers on stage at Rivals in Easton asked me what I was drinking and noticed Kristen the bartender also taking the stage. JAM #2: JAM SESSION hosted by Lou when I said, “vodka”, they moved on Kristen is the multi-talented Kristin Grassi, vocalist for Franco, Steve Johnson and Dave Becker at to the next prospective Blue Moon drinker. On stage, Lou the aforementioned Jirks as well as Philadelphia Funk Rivals Sports Bar & Nightclub, 5 Lehns Ct, Franco acknowledged the girls and their promotion which Authority. This girl can sing! She sat in with the band Easton, PA - Wednesdays from 9PM-12AM prompted him to spontaneously launch into The Marcels’ for an inspired rendition of 4 Non Blondes’ “What’s doo-wop version of “Blue Moon” which, in turn, prompted Up”, a song that I once detested but can now actually There’s a renaissance going on in downtown Easton. Part of me to join him on stage to sing the tolerate thanks to Kristen. I prefer her version to that rebirth is Rivals Sports Bar & Nightclub, one of the newer bass part. A few Ketel Ones can the original. She also sang harmony with arrivals on “The Circle.” Rivals is a sports enthusiast’s dream make you do these things. Steve Johnson on Stevie Wonder’s “I Wish.” with plenty of HDTVs and great pub fare including delicious We laid down the chicken wings. It also has a live entertainment component jam and somehow, Blues rock guitarists, Scott Young that is quite impressive. At night, music fills the air as bands it worked! and Chicago Joe Mack, were called take the stage with state-of-the-art professional sound, The patrons upon for an Allmans mini-set lighting and acoustics. On Wednesdays, local musicians a p p l a u d e d , consisting of “One Way Out” are invited to participate in an open jam session hosted by a jammer and “Whipping Post” which the house band of Lou Franco on guitar and vocals, Steve approached brought the house down. Johnson on bass and vocals and Dave Becker on drums. me to The Jam Session at Rivals has I showed up for the jam session last Wednesday as a shake my so much going for it; a nice curious spectator - not expecting to be a participant hand and stage with nice equipment – but this jam has an infectious vibe to it that even the Blue certainly adds to the quality I caught the jam bug and had to join in, making a Moon Girls of the experience. Greg small contribution on vocals. More on that later… h a n d e d Gulick, resident soundman me a free at Rivals, is on hand working The house band began the jam with Santana’s “Oye Como Va”, t-shirt for my the controls providing a great “Black Magic Woman/Gypsy Queen” and the instrumental, promotional mix of all the talented musicians “Europa” as bar patrons engaged in friendly games of efforts on who show up to perform. Check Cornhole and billiards around the dance floor. I staked out their behalf. it out tonight and every Wednesday my spot at the bar where I had unobstructed views of the in beautiful downtown Easton! stage over my left shoulder and MLB and NHL Stanley Cup Throughout the night, Finals action over my right. Although I was there primarily a cavalcade of topMitch has been on the air rockin’ the Lehigh Valley to review the jam session for this column, I was able to notch local musicians for eighteen years and has been with The Hawk for the multitask enough to see the Phillies lose their fifth straight graced the stage to last ten years! Tune in weeknights for The Six O’Clock Class while Game 1 of the Stanley Cup Finals between the Chicago entertain and amuse. Reunion and great classic hits from the 60s through the 90s and on Saturdays Blackhawks and Boston Bruins went to triple overtime Dave for great giveaways including free concert tickets for great area shows! To have Werkheiser, your band reviewed please contact me at: mitch999thehawk@gmail.com and was still in progress even after the jam had ended. drummer for Magnum, PANTONE 485 CVU
PANTONE Process Yellow CVU PANTONE Reflex Blue C PANTONE 1395 CVC
PAGE 1111 PAGE
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THE VALLEY BEAT JUNE 19, 2013
THE VALLEY BEAT JUNE 19, 2013
PAGE 13
THE VALLEY BEAT JUNE 19, 2013
24 Taps
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Page 14
(corner of S. 5th St & Emaus Ave)
WAT CH A L THE GAM L HER ES E
BROUGHT TO YOU BY
1
2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9
THE HANGMAN’S BODY COUNT VOLBEAT OUTLAW GENTLEMEN & SHADY LADIES
STONE
ALICE IN CHAINS
THE DEVIL PUT DINOSAURS HERE
I’LL FOLLOW YOU
SHINEDOWN AMARYLIS
DO ME A FAVOR
STONE SOUR
PLOT: With the planet Krypton on the verge of destruction, Jor-El (Russell Crowe) defies the evil General Zod (Michael Shannon) and sends his son Kal-El to Earth. Thirty-three years later, Zod arrives on Earth, looking for the grown Kal-El, now known as Clark Kent, or rather Superman (Henry Cavill) who’s only recently begun to embrace his powers. Now, he must save his new home from imminent destruction by Zod, even though the humans aren’t sure he can be trusted. REVIEW: You gotta love it when a big tent-pole blockbuster that’s been hyped and hyped for well over a year finally comes along and lives up to all your expectations. For me, that’s exactly what MAN OF STEEL does. That said, MAN OF STEEL is as bold a departure from the previous Superman movies as BATMAN BEGINS was compared to the eighties/nineties Batman series, in that this is not the light take on the character we grew up with. While a controversial move that’s already dividing fans, to my way of thinking, this was really the only possible way Superman could have ever been made relevant to a generation thatwith the reception to SUPERMAN RETURNS- already proved that they weren’t interested in a light, traditional take on the character.
HOUSE OF GOLD AND BONES PT. 2
TRENCHES
POP EVIL ONYX
LIFT ME UP W/ ROB HALFORD FIVE FINGER DEATH PUNCH THE WRONG SIDE OF HEAVEN &
THE RIGHTEOUS SIDE OF HELL, VOL 1
SWERVE CITY
DEFTONES
KOI NO YOKAN
GOD IS DEAD
BLACK SABBATH 13
VILIFY
DEVICE
DEVICE
ANASTASIA
SLASH / MYLES KENNEDY APOCALYPTIC LOVE
Right from an incredible action-heavy prologue on Krypton, that plunges Russell Crowe’s Jor-El into a frantic battle to save his newborn son from Zod, it’s clear MAN OF STEEL is going to be a roller-coaster ride you need to strap-yourself in for. Once we get to Earth, the traditional way of telling Superman’s origins is dropped, as we pick up on Henry Cavill’s Clark Kent as an adult on the verge of discovering his roots, flashing back (LOST-style) to his picturesque upbringing in Smallville, under the nurturing guidance of his adoptive parents. Diane Lane exudes warmth as Ma Kent, while the ideally cast Kevin Costner gives a truly amazing, heartfelt performance as Jonathan Kent. Meanwhile, Amy Adams’ take on Lois Lane is the most modern the character’s ever been, with her being the first actress to ever play the part that feels like she actually could be a Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist (here just back from being embedded in Iraq). As for Michael Shannon, wow. He’s absolutely one of the scariest superhero villains I’ve ever seen. While he’s ferocious, Shannon doesn’t play him as unhinged. In a huge departure from the power-mad take on the part by Terrence Stamp, Shannon’s Zod was bred to be exactly what he is, so he’s not played as some kind of raving maniac.He’s a tyrant, but that’s what he was made to be. The same goes for his right-hand woman, Antje Traue as Faora, who’s not the psychotic Sarah Douglas/Ursa substitute we may have expected. My only real criticism for MAN OF STEEL is that once again, we have a 3D movie that doesn’t feel the slightest bit three-dimensional. This could (and should) have been in 2D, and more often than not I forgot I was watching something in 3D. Otherwise, I absolutely loved MAN OF STEEL. While there’s always room for improvement (I’d like more Clark/Lois in the next movie, and the scene where Superman first gets his super-suit is almost hilariously abrupt) this is remarkably assured for a first film in what’s bound to be an incredibly successful series. Sure, the reaction to this is mixed so far. Folks will come around. Cavill is our generation’s Superman, and he’s here to stay.
PAGE 15
10
By Chris Bumbray
THE VALLEY BEAT JUNE 19, 2013
Movie Review
GINA CRASH’S TOP 10
THE VALLEY BEAT JUNE 19, 2013
By: Scotty ScottyBrilliant Brilliant By: with a psychedelic, artsy Iommi guitar riff. There is also a very eerie distorted filter on Ozzy’s voice which makes this one of the most unique songs on the album. “Damaged Soul” is chock full of doom and gloom with the lyrics, “The time it is coming when all life will end / with doomsday approaching to hell we’ll descend / religion won’t save me / the damage is done / the future has ended before it’s begun.” Now after
They say it’s not possible to go back in time, although I’m sure Marty McFly would disagree. Let’s go back to the year 1978 (when I wasn’t even a thought in my parents’ mind yet); serial killer Ted Bundy is captured, Pete Rose gets his 3,000th major league hit, Jimmy Carter is president, and more importantly, signs a bill into a law which allows home brewing of beer in the US. The year 1978 also marks the last year the original members of Black Sabbath recorded an album together. That same year, they embarked on a tour with Van Halen in support of that album. Shortly after, the band began to crumble. This led to the firing of frontman, Ozzy Osbourne, and subsequently more member changes than I have enough page space to name. In over 40 years since their incarnation there have been 8 vocalists, 8 drummers, 6 bassists, 1 guitarist, and 1 keyboardist, and this doesn’t even include any session or touring members. The only founding member to hang on through the many changes of Black Sabbath is guitarist, Tony Iommi. Now let’s fast forward to the year 2011, when the original members of Sabbath, Ozzy Osbourne, Tony Iommi, Geezer Butler and Bill Ward, announced a reunion tour and a new album in the works. The following year Iommi was diagnosed with Lymphoma, forcing the band to cancel their European tour, except for a few shows, and drummer Bill Ward announced he would not participate in the band’s reunion due to a contract dispute. Despite these road blocks, the masters of doom metal kept to their word. They enlisted Rage Against the Machine drummer Brad Wilk to replace Ward, announced a full US tour and last week, released their first studio album in 18 years entitled 13.
13 kicks off with “End of the Beginning,” a very sinister sounding song, with Iommi making use of his famous Devil’s interval, a series of tones that were once thought to evoke the devil. This is fitting for a band whose frontman is nicknamed the “Prince of Darkness.” Next up is their first single currently being played on The Bone, “God is Dead?” This was an excellent first release, reassuring fans that the original fire that Sabbath had did not burn out. “Loner” is one of the shorter songs and has qualities very similar to their 1971 hit, “Sweet Leaf.” The next track, “Zeitgeist,” is the album’s ballad, incorporating Middle-Eastern style percussion
I’ve gotten my metal fix, let’s get to my Crank It and Skip It picks.
Skip It God is Dead? (only because I’ve heard it so many times from playing it on the radio) While it’s not possible to go back in time, it is possible to pretend. I’d imagine the year were 1982, the year I was born. Black Sabbath had never fired Ozzy, and no problems had ever plagued the band. They decided to write and record a new album and title it 13. What I’m trying to say is that Sabbath was relevant 30 years ago, and they are still relevant today. It’s like they never missed a beat. If they can all stay healthy, I hope they record a few more albums, to give the old metal heads that sense of
nostalgia that has been missing for so many years.
Scotty Brilliant is the Afternoon Drive Personality on The Valley’s Real Rock Station, 107 The Bone. Hit Scotty up for a Road Rage or Work Release Friday request, or let him know if there is a new album you want him to review! Find him on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/ScottyBrilliant.
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It’s often debated who the first heavy metal band was. Just Google “Who was the first heavy metal band?” and you’ll see numerous head bangers pleading their case. Some say it was Led Zepplin, some say Deep Purple, while others are convinced that it was Black Sabbath. There is no clear cut answer to this question. Each band brings its own unique style to the genre. In my opinion, Black Sabbath are the pioneers of what is now considered doom metal. And their new album showcases that dark, gloomy style that made Sabbath famous many years ago.
Crank It End of the Beginning Age of Reason Loner
THE VALLEY BEAT JUNE 12, 2013
ALBUM ALBUM REVIEW REVIEW
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THE VALLEY BEAT JUNE 19, 2013
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Coal miners in northeastern Pennsylvania, just south of the Endless Mountains, and other places across the United States used to buy their goods from a company store. Because the location of coal mines, owing to the nature of the business, tended to depend more on availability of coal than proximity to civilization, often the company would need to provide a store for the workers to purchase necessities. This situation typically led to a monopoly, allowing company stores to charge unfair prices for food and clothes and to extend predatory loans to the coal miners.
card is inactive for 90 days. So for a single mother working around 30 hours per week for $7.44 an hour, withdrawing a weeks paycheck as a lump sum costs at minimum half a percent of her paycheck (in case you thing half a percent is small change, this is roughly the amount of the federal budget spent on cancer research). And even then it is unclear if she is limited to withdrawing only the portion of the paycheck that can be dispensed in twenty-dollar bills.
Some think the payroll debit cards are something other than an abomination. Timothy Flacke, executive Economic historian Price V. Fishback found that: director of the nonprofit Doorways to Dreams Fund “The company store is one of the most reviled and and presumed clown, “payroll debit cards offer misunderstood of economic institutions. In song, real benefits for workers who are accustomed folktale, and union rhetoric the company store was to cashing paychecks at check cashers, including often cast as a villain, a collector of souls through meaningful cost savings, greater security and the perpetual debt peonage. Nicknames, like the ‘pluck convenience of an electronic payment option.” me’ and more obscene versions that cannot appear I wonder if this joker realizes that you can cash a in a family newspaper [not that this is one], seem check at the bank that issued it. “Of course,” this to point to exploitation. The attitudes carry over into (presumably) suited monkey adds, “many people the scholarly literature, “payroll debit cards offer real benefits for do not like to have a product workers who are accustomed to cashing chosen for them, especially which emphasizes that paychecks at check cashers, including the company storemeaningful cost savings, greater security and the when there are fees involved.” was a monopoly.” convenience of an electronic payment option.” Although the facts at present seem to point to Albert Access to better transportation and communication and Carol Mueller being at best thoughtless employers have all but eliminated the company store, but and at worst evil, slime-injected-beef-hawking, descendants of the exploitative principles behind worker-exploiting villains, perhaps it is worth them still exist, sometimes right here in Pennsylvania. investigating why JPMorgan Chase offers this card at And if you were to guess an establishment that all and what they are doing to induce employers like recently made the news for a practice like this, your the Muellers to do their payroll through it. If Albert second guess would probably be right. The owner of and Carol are getting any kind of kickback or incentive a McDonald’s franchise in Shavertown, just about an for this, doesn’t it seem that they are colluding with hour north of Allentown on the 476, is now being sued the bank to undermine the rules about minimum for paying employees using a fee-laden debit card. wage ($7.25 per hour in Pennsylvania)? Most of the innovation in consumer banking seems to involve Natalie Gunshannon, the complainant, alleges that seizing the money in low-balance accounts, and Albert and Carol Mueller, the franchisees, paid her certainly these payroll debit cards fit that pattern. I through a JPMorgan Chase Payroll Card that charges guarantee whoever came up with the idea didn’t have her $1.50 per ATM withdrawal, $0.75 per online to pay half a percent of their paycheck just to cash it. payment, $1.00 per balance check, and $10.00 if the
THE VALLEY BEAT JUNE 19, 2013
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THE VALLEY BEAT JUNE 19, 2013
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THE VALLEY BEAT JUNE 19, 2013 THE VALLEY BEAT JUNE 19, 2013
Whats All the hype About hookah? by Camille Capriglione
The arrival of trendy ‘hookah lounges’ shows a resurgence of interest in a centuries-old tradition that hails from distant lands of the Middle East and South Asia. A ‘hookah’ is a waterpipe, a single or multistemmed instrument through which the user smokes flavored tobacco or ‘shisha.’ The vapor is warmed by coals and passes through a water basin before inhalation. The origins of the hookah began in India and Persia in the 1500’s. The word is a derivative of ‘huqqa’ as it was referred to by the Arabs. It is theorized that early hookahs were hewn from coconut shells. Despite bans on tobacco in ancient Persia, the practice grew in popularity as a relaxation method which emphasized community. It became a national addiction for people from every level of society, including women. Hookahs, also known as nargiles or qaylans, evolved into near works of art, with elaborately embellished glass and metal designs and brightly colored hoses. The wealthy owned hookahs of gold and silver. In Persia in the mid-1600’s, some people became professional creators of crystal water pipes. Shahs and Sultans had their own personal ‘galyan’ servants who tended their hookahs.
In the U.S., hookah lounges appeared decades ago in the immigrant areas of New York City and Los Angeles. In the 60’s and 70’s it was a popular smoking tool of the hippie set. Nowadays, hookah lounges are found in college towns and urban areas, and are increasingly popular with young adults. They are considered chic places to socialize and a continuation of a unique cultural tradition. The shops have evolved and may provide live music or televisions, serve teas, coffees and snacks, or have oxygen bars. Typically, disposable mouthpieces are provided for each user for hygiene reasons, and patrons must be at least 18 years of age. The crackdown on illegal drug use, and cigarette smoking in general, has limited the use of hookah pipes in some countries. The hookah was not without its critics, as tobacco’s known health dangers are serious. The average user of a hookah inhales 50 to 200 times during an hourlong session. It is not considered a safe alternative to cigarette smoking. Many hookah bars have responded to this and transitioned to herbal shisha instead, which contains no tobacco or nicotine. The Lehigh Valley and the Poconos have several eclectic hookah bars. Some of these offer fruitflavored shisha, exotic Middle Eastern cuisine, free wi-fi, live music and even belly dancing. Check it out for an interesting alternative to the bar scene!
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Shisha café’s and coffeehouses have long been the social gathering places for travelers and locals to smoke hookah. This was especially true in areas that lacked pubs due to prohibition. Popularity declined in the 20th century with the introduction of the cigarette.
There has been much symbolism in use of the hookah. In Nepal, it symbolized elite aristocracy. In India, it was a prestigious custom of noblemen. In Turkey, it indicated prominent societal status. In Pakistan, it was popular in wealthy cosmopolitan cities. In Syria, shisha is available on almost every corner and the hookah is part of their everyday culture. The activity may also include smoking ‘games’ much like American drinking games.
THE VALLEY BEAT JUNE 19, 2013
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MAHONING VALLEY CINEMA CARBON PLAZA MALL LEHIGHTON 610-377-8626 http://mvcinema.com/
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MAHONING DRIVE-IN Rt 443 LEHIGHTON 570-645-6204
CARMIKE PROMENADE & IMAX 2805 CENTER VALLEY PARKWAY SAUCON VALLEY 610-709-8635 CIVIC’S THEATER 514 514 N. 19th St ALLENTOWN EMMAUS THEATER 19 S. FOURTH St 610-965-2878
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June 28th, 2013
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1. Jack the Giant Slayer 2. 21 and Over 3. Quartet 4. The Last Exorcisim Part 2 5. Movie 43
6. Stoker 7. The Brass Teapot 8. American Mary 9. Wilfred: Season 2 10. Drop Dead Diva: Season 4
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1. Man of Steel 2. This is the End 3. Now You See Me 4. Fast & Furious 6 5. The Purge
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THE VALLEY BEAT JUNE 19, 2013
THE VALLEY BEAT JUNE 19, 2013
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Wednesdays - Trivia Night Thursdays - DJ Thursday starting at 10PM Every Friday & Saturday - Live Acoustic Music
THE VALLEY BEAT JUNE 19, 2013
ZODIAC ARIES (3/21 – 4/19) If worst comes to worst, just hang on-great energy on Tuesday and Wednesday makes those synapses really start firing, spawning the kind of unique thought that leads to amazing, exploratory action. Yes, you’re really getting going now, but you won’t get far without a solid foundation, and that’s what deserves attention during the rest of this week. Work on the basics, and strengthen the bonds. Sunday brings a boost your way! Monday goes best if you actively focus on renewal instead of retreading the same old ground.
TAURUS (4/20 – 5/20) While your own moods are changing fast, you’re also able to tap into others’ feelings particularly well. Interesting! Play the devil’s advocate around Tuesday and Wednesday. The more you help everyone (including yourself) to explore every angle, the better the outcome. At the end of the workweek and on Saturday, it’s time to plan a trip, whether literally or figuratively. Where do you want to go on this earth? In your life? On Sunday, look for the symbolism in an unusual occurrence. You’re especially in touch with the emotional side of life on Monday. GEMINI (5/21 – 6/21) What you notice when you look carefully on Monday gives a big clue about what you should do on Tuesday and Wednesday-and you definitely need to do something. Don’t just sit there; your action can even be a little extreme, if it moves a situation forward. Then toward the end of the workweek and through the first part of the weekend, people won’t behave according to plan (possibly even you!). Leave them plenty of wiggle room, but do keep communicating. Leave time on Sunday to regroup and think seriously about something from earlier in the week...
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CANCER (6/22 – 7/22) Then make doing what’s best for you your top priority around Tuesday and Wednesday. No, you don’t want to be an egomaniac, but provided you’re not trampling over others, there’s nothing wrong with doing a little looking out for numero uno. And while you may feel like just quietly floating along through the rest of the week, a certain situation needs your attention-and an action. On Sunday, watch the ol’ cash flow and other financial matters. Silence is solid golden on Monday. If you’re not sure what to say, let them fill the void -- you’ll learn something!
LIBRA (9/23 - 10/22) There’s nothing wrong with being idealistic around Tuesday and Wednesday --strong values and sweeping vision make for great things. At the end of the workweek, while the past informs the present, it’s crucial to process issues as they pop up -- especially when it comes to interactions with others. Your positive, proactive attitude continues to come in handy when the stars send some fun possibilities your way this weekend! Watch for a switcheroo at work or in the money department on Monday -- catch it early, and you’ll handle it better. SCORPIO (10/23 - 11/21) Your own strength -- your willpower, your convictions, your feelings -- might surprise you on Monday. Keep that confidence up through Tuesday and Wednesday. If someone’s trying to tell you something that doesn’t ring true, ask them more, or do some background digging on your own. At the end of the workweek and on Saturday, the cosmic atmosphere’s clearer, as is communication in general. An agreement’s easy to reach now, whether at work or in a sweeter, more personal context. But be aware, there’s something you need to settle when it comes to homelife on Sunday... SAGITTARIUS (11/22 - 12/21) You’re especially loving and lovable around Tuesday and Wednesday, if the stars have their say. Bring that sense of humor along, and life’s fun, funny and genuinely wonderful. But something’s bringing you back to basics at the end of the workweek. Could it be that bankbook? Play by the rules for now; sometime this weekend you can expect a shift in energy that’s more informed by the forces of chance. Tap into your subconscious on Monday. CAPRICORN (12/22 - 1/19) A certain idea or plan that you’re attached to just might not be holding up around Tuesday or Wednesday. Try an adjustment (or two) before you throw your hands up -it’s not like you to give in! The stars send extra energy and brainpower your way at the end of the workweek and through this weekend. If you can get a certain person whose style compliments your own nicely in on the big thinking and the fun now, even better! Between your healthy perspective and a little input from someone you trust on Monday, you’re golden.
AQUARIUS (1/20 - 2/18) New connections are in the stars for you around TuesLEO (7/23 - 8/22) day and Wednesday -- whether work-related, lovewise With a solid foundation at your back, you’re ready to or in a community setting. Reach out, online and in move forward in exciting (and possibly hot) directions around Tuesday and Wednesday. Whatever you’ve been real-time! You might experience a setback at the end of the workweek, but it’s not the end of the world. There’s thinking, it’s time to say it or do it! At the end of the workweek and over the weekend though, honesty is only a lesson to be learned, and with the right attitude, you an excellent policy if you also know when to let the other emerge stronger and smarter than ever. And sometime this weekend, the stars will offer you a big boost!.. person have their say. If you find yourself monologing instead of dialoging, hush up!.. PISCES (2/19 - 3/20) VIRGO (8/23 - 9/22) A hidden element holds a key on Monday -- uncover it Life’s definitely busy on Monday, Tuesday and and unlock some fresh info, new resources and major Wednesday, and your strong sense of responsibility potential! Around Tuesday and Wednesday, you don’t may mean you’re feeling stretched pretty thin. You have to agree with a certain someone, but how you dismight need to let something slip now -- but if you agree is a real test of your mettle. Knowing you, you’ll recognize it, you can let anyone else involved know in come to the table with a spirit of goodwill, containing a timely manner instead of leaving them hanging. At the issue and retaining mutual respect. Then somethe end of the workweek and through the weekend, a one’s got a word to the wise for you at the end of the bit of an adventurous attitude is all it takes to welcome workweek or over the weekend. Think about the special the sweet -- and possibly hot -- stuff the stars have in expertise of those around you -- with practical matters store. Are you ready to explore? Especially on Sunday, and in relationships, too... just say no to the same-old, same-old. It’s spring!..
CLUBS AND PUBS continued HELLERTOWN
Beer Mussels 1214 Main St 610-838-8200 Friday: Leechboy Saturday: Texas Hold’em Sunday: Texas Hold’em
PALMER Charles Chrin Community Ctr 4100 Green Pond Rd 6/22 King Henry & The Showmen
CENTER VALLEY Melt Level 3 2805 Center Valley Parkway 610-798-9000 Fridays DJ Chubby C Saturday DJ Fog (Dan Glatts)
WESCOSVILLE
Krocks Pub 1160 S. Krocks Rd 610-391-0648 Sat: DJ Linx
NORTHAMPTON The Gin Mill / Main St Music Hall 1750 Main Street 610-262-5486 Wednesday: Karaoke Thursday: Karaoke Hammerhead Lounge 326 Main Street 610-262-6713 Tuesdays: Open Mic w/ Tim Harakal Thursdays: DJ B-Rad Fridays: DJ Statik 6/22 Scars of Bourbon
QUAKERTOWN Big Daddy’s Wagon Wheel Tavern Route 313 & Sternersmill Rd. 215-536-9989 Wednesdays: Scott & Wade
WIND GAP Score Card Sports Bar 130 N. Broadway 610-863-5269 Thursdays : Funtime Karaoke 9:30pm - 1:30am TC Dance Club 6623 Sullivan Trail 610-881-1000 6/15 Social Ballroom/Latin Swing Dance
READING Rumorz 220 N. Park Rd 610-374-3200
KUHNSVILLE Kuhnsville Inn 5745 Memorial Rd 610-395-2387 Wed & Fri: Karaoke
MACUNGIE The Pub On Main 102 E. Main St 610-966-2275 Thursdays: Comedy Night The Longswamp Tavern 20 Gap Road 610-702-3700 6/15 Blackout Driver 6/22 PR$PH$T, Drug Free Mondays, Balista
OREFIELD Leather Corner Post 6855 Horeshoe Road 610-395-1782 Tuesday: Trivia w/ DJ Slacker Wednesday: Acoustic Jam Thursday: Open Jam 6/21 Off The Road 6/22 Scott Marshall & Hill Billy Souls
CLINTON, NJ Revolution 111 W. Main Street Clinton NJ Inside Holiday Inn
DOYLESTOWN
Puck 1 Printers Alley 215-348-9000 6/21 Whiskeyhickon Boys 6/22 The Cheaters Chambers 19 / The Other Side 19 N. Main Ave 215-348-1940 6/21 Todd O & Joe / Rake 6/22 Seamus / DJ Scriggs The Farmhouse Tavern 380 N. Main St 215-345-9373 6/21 Tina Margot 6/22 Adam Motto
PENNSBURG PC Pub Restaurant & Sports Bar 500 Pottstown Ave 215-679-4900 Thur/Fri/Sat: DJ The Perk 501 E. Walnut St. 215-257-8483 Wednesdays: Open Mic Thursdays: Trivia Night Saturday: Karaoke
GOULDSBORO The Grandview Gentlemens Club Rt 435 570-842-2661 Tuesday: College/Miltary Night 7/3 Amateur Night
STROUDSBURG Sarah Street Grill 550 Quaker Alley 570-424-9120 Wednesday: Open Mic 6/20 Dave Brown & Friends 6/21 McClaine w/ Cuzeme 6/22 Stilletos & Steel 6/23The Pocono Duo 6/25 Steve McDaniels
For entertainment listings email us: thevalleybeat@gmail.com
Check out Scars of Bourbon this Saturday at the Hammerhead Lounge in Northampton
THE VALLEY BEAT JUNE 19, 2013
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THE VALLEY BEAT JUNE 19, 2013
THE VALLEY BEAT JUNE 19, 2013
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THE VALLEY BEAT JUNE 19, 2013
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THE VALLEY BEAT JUNE 19, 2013
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THE VALLEY BEAT JUNE 19, 2013
MUSIC
Drummer Wanted We are looking for drums to complete a 4 piece rock act. We have a variety of influences . Mike: 610-984-3791 GUITAR LESSONS from touring pro, performing and teaching for over 30 years and has shared the stage with BB King, Les Paul and Robert Cray. 610-360-5462
Trumpet / Bugler Needed To perform 140 Military funerals per year. Primarily between Reading and Allentown. 609-504-9450 Keyboard Player Wanted: play “Classic Hits” from the 60’s 70’s 80’s 90’s. Call Mike: 610-216-5501
EMPLOYMENT GET PAID TO WALK Are you friendly? Do you enjoy talking to people? Get paid to walk around your neighborhood and talk to voters. Get paid same day. Call Kelly @ 610-217-3751 9am-5pm, Mon-Fri.
Email // classifieds@thevalleybeat.com
Call // 9am - 5pm 7 Days a Week(484) 635-2253
EMPLOYMENT
EMPLOYMENT
REAL ESTATE
AUTOMOTIVE
Driver/Warehouse, seeking dependable delivery drivers for Allentown warehouse. Must have a valid drivers license and clean driving record. Other responsibilities include stocking inventory and preparing orders for shipment. Apply in person. Jacobs Auto Supplies 1532 Sumner Avenue Allentown, PA 18102
Delivery Drivers Wanted The Valley Beat is seeking Drivers for many areas in the Lehigh Valley. Must have own car / ins. Reply to: distribution@thevalleybeat.com
Spacious apartment, just renovated Six rooms, apartment, new kitchen, New decor, all utilities paid, near transportation. $700/month 610-266-7300
2000 CHEVROLET MONTE CARLO 3.8L 6CYL, AUTOMATIC TRANSMISSION, 133,000 MILES ,TWO TONED LEATHER, RUNS GREAT ! MOONROOF, AC/CD POWER WINDOWS, POWER LOCKS,$5,600.00 / 267-251-4997 (Montgomery County)
Coopersburg- Rooms For Rent Weekly or Monthly. Cable Utilities and wifi included. Single & Double Occupancy. $80/week and up. Clean Private. 610-282-8010
1995 white Acura Integra, 119,000 miles, runs great, automatic, all power, sunroof, heat, and dc sports exhaust sway bars. $2,300 obo also looking for a trade bigger car / 484-6950775
2br - House for Rent! (Salisbury)One, 2-bedroom house for lease! (Rental rate is $900 per month) Private, off-street parking for tenants. Property is located in a scenic wood area, but close to lot of amenitites! Close to I-78, just off of Emmaus Ave. $900/month For more info call: 610-972-7121
2001 Chevy Blazer 130k miles, automatic - runs and drives great, 4 new tires, new CD player, great motor and trans. $1995 / 484-788-9945
APPLY TODAY START TOMORROW!!! Leading Distribution Company is seeking experienced Sit down forklift operators. • Selecting / Order Picking Hotel Housekeeping • must be able to lift 50lbs. (Comfort Inn Quakertown) now accepting applications for • Pre-Employment Check / Drug the position of Room Attendant. • Screening Required 941 Marcon Blvd Suite 101 is. Weekends are mandatory. No Allentown, Pa 18018 calls please. Reply with resume 610-264-1200 or employment applications are available and being accepted at RESTAURANT hotel front desk 24 hours a day. Massage Therapist Seeking Massage Therapists Experience Preferred Call 610-262-9580
BARTENDER/SERVER Upscale Allentown restaurant seeking an experienced bartender/server. Must be able to work full time, weekends,days ,nights, & weekends. Qualified candidates should call 610-737-2183
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THE VALLEY BEAT JUNE 19, 2013
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Open 7 DAYS 10am - 10pm
610-437-9505 wawa
AIRPORT RD SOUTH
LEHIGH VALLEY AIRPORT 2MI
0.1mi from 0.3mi from Union Blvd Hanover Ave GRAHAM
Aavalon is located on the corner of Graham & 724 E. Cedar St
aavalon
Massage by
484-201-0931 484-201-0931
Julie
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845-204-8136 484-554-3047
ARIES SPA 3333 HAMILTON BLVD
610.820.0210
BARBIE
Hi, I’m
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$50
with coupon
2 MILES FROM AIRPORT
413 Union Blvd Allentown, PA 18109
610.841.7900
•SAUNA •BODY SHAMPOO •HOT TOWEL HOURS 9am - 11pm OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK
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WITH COUPON
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OPEN 7 DAYS 9:30am - 10pm
52 RT 611 NORTH • BARTONSVILLE, PA •18321
Aavalon
BIG WOODY’S
MONTH!
7 DAYS 10am-11pm• NOW HIRING 570-421-8900
HANOVER AVE
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JUNE IS
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dunkin 0.1mi on donuts Union Blvd
Massage
THE VALLEY BEAT JUNE 19, 2013
ALL AMERICAN BODY & MIND
EASTERN LIFESTYLES MASSAGE
Kinds Of Sex Results of a recent research shows that there are 7 kinds of sex. The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex. * This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone, and you both have sex until you are blue in the face. The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex. * This is when you have been with your partner for a short time, and you are so needy you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen. The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex. * This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine, and you usually have sex only in your bedroom. The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex * This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say “screw you.” The 5th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex. * Which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night. (Very Popular) The 6th kind is called Courtroom Sex. * This is when you cannot stand your wife any more. She takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone. And, last, but not least: The 7th kind of sex is called: Social Security Sex. * You get a little each month. But not enough to enjoy yourself Cheap Bar A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer. “Certainly, sir, that’ll be 1 cent.” “One penny?!” exclaimed the guy.
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The barman replied, “Yes.” So, the guy glances over at the menu, and he asks, “Could I have a nice juicy T-bone steak, with fries, peas, and a salad?” “Certainly sir,” replies the bartender, “but all that comes to real money.” “How much money?” inquires the guy. “Four cents,” he replies. “Four cents?!” exclaims the guy. “Where’s the guy who owns this place?” The barman replies, “Upstairs with my wife.” The guy says, “What’s he doing with your wife?” The bartender replies, “Same as what I’m doing to his business.” Man’s Heart ???Any woman that thinks the way to a man???s heart is through his stomach is aiming just a little too high???. Talking A husband was asked: Do you talk to your wife after sex? His answer: Depends, if I can find a phone. Knocking If your dog was barking at the back door and your wife knocking on the front door who would you let in first? The dog. at least he would shut up once he is in.
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THE VALLEY BEAT JUNE 19, 2013
JOKES
THE VALLEY BEAT JUNE 19, 2013
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THE VALLEY BEAT JUNE 19, 2013 Page 38
AVAILABLE WHERE YOU BUY BEER
Please Drink ResponsiAllentownBeverage.com
KAROLINA KOWARA
Photos by: Joey @ Phillysnaps
SEE MORE PHOTOS ONLINE WWW.THEVALLEYBEAT.COM
THE VALLEY BEAT JUNE 19, 2013
MODEL BEAT
Age: 23 Philadelphia, PA What do you do to make $$? Bartending, Print
Would you like to be considered for Model of the Week? Contact randy@donatellimodels.com or mickey@donatellimodels.com
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& Promotional Model Are you? Single, dating, engaged, or married? Single How would our readers get to know you or become your friend? FACEBOOK. OR Contact My Agent Mickey@donatellimodels.com or Randy@ donatellimodels.com Where was your best vacation destination? Bahamas What do you do to relax? Listen to Music What sports do you watch the most? Baseball What is your favorite alcoholic beverage? Flavored Vodka What happens to be your worst vice? Biting My Nails What is your best feature? My eyes & legs What TV show do you never miss each week? Criminal Minds What movie would you recommend to our readers? Fast & Furious 6 What is at the top of your “Bucket List?” Travel around Europe Name 3 People important in your life? Mom, Sister & Friends What have you done in the last year that you would think is news to our readers? Furthering my modeling career with Donatelli Modeling/ Casting Agency What do you sleep in? T-Shirt & Underwear What is the worst pick-up line ever tried on you? You look cold, what to use me as a blanket? What do you want guys to know about sex/relationships that you wish they knew (but they don’t)!? If she is interested, she will let you know. Don’t push the issue.