Inoculating ourselves with an emotional vaccine

by Joneen MacKinzie

I received a distressing phone call from a close friend. She was sobbing and so undone because she had lost her job due to the COVID crisis. She was breathless while relaying to me that she was pacing and distraught. As a single mother and the only income earner, how was she going to manage?? At that moment, I had two choices, I could join into her hysteria and cry with her at the injustice and fear of it all, or I could stop, tell her to breathe, and give her hope through a kind and empathetic response. That is the response of a mature adult. What, however, is she demonstrating to her children who are not mature and do not have the brain development capable of separating emotions from that of their hysterical, fearful mother. The emotions of the mom are caught by her children. Children are especially vulnerable to the forces of fear and turmoil taking on the emotions of the adults in their sphere of influence.

The emotional atmosphere of a home is incredibly important. Waves of emotions such as fear, worry, depression, sadness, gloom, and doom are contagious. Those who live in turbulence and anxiousness are frequently on guard emotionally. They can rarely relax trying to anticipate what is coming next. This phenomenon has been described often by children of alcoholic parents. They never knew what to expect and it affected their emotional security and development.

Even the most mature and self-actualized are susceptible to being infected with other’s emotions. When our spouse exhibits sadness or frustration, we absorb that same mood. When the energy of a home is light, fun, creative, nurturing, and loving, we delight in that and mimic those feelings as well.

Unconsciously, we feel people’s emotions that are shared facially, vocally, through body language, sighs, hand gestures, and head positioning. This deep connection to other’s feelings shows empathy and caring. We must be on guard to not be infected by these emotions so much so that it drives us into the same negative place. We do not need to go down the same emotional path. To do that we need to vaccinate ourselves with emotional antibodies.

This is especially true with anger. When anger is demonstrated, many react rather than respond. We feel our chest tightening and go into the fight response escalating into a verbal knockdown, drag-out altercation. If anger is triggered and we do not have emotional antibodies to keep a cool head, violence ensures.

Social movements are about infecting followers with emotional contagion. The objective is to motivate crowds to get worked up, become activists, carry signs, and scream at one another. Conversely, positive messaging is manifested by enlightening slogans such as, “We are in this together, do your part.” The more we hear positive or negative messaging the more it gets amplified and seared into our consciousness.

How do we inoculate ourselves against the negative emotion virus? Research suggests that we must be awake and alert. We need to eat well, rest, exercise, and take care of our emotional health. We need to develop a sense of autonomy when others are clamoring for our emotional energy and disconnect from others when they have emotional tantrums. We need to ensure that our children are not sucked into negativity, emotional chaos, and trauma that could derail their emotional development. Let us be responsible to inoculate ourselves from the emotional contagion. We are all in this together.

joneen@my relationshipcenter.org www. myrelationshipcenter.org