Be careful how you say it …!

You know me; always promoting the printed paper Ö but in the immortal words of one Mandy Rice Davis, ëhe would, wouldnít he!í In one sense, you always know what you are going to get in your paper, but conversely, you also never know what you are going to get when you open your newspaper. The most important thing is that we get real, fact-based information; unlike the string of misinformation that any yahoo can post on Twitter and social media.

Alot of newsprint is devoted to sports coverage ñ and even after attending a match, it is always interesting to read a journalistís take on the same match. As well as news coverage, crosswords, promotions, obituaries and court cases are all an integral part of your friendly newspaper.

Like we said, you never know what you might read in your paper and today we are going to totally surprise you with a selection of newspaper headlines that came out sounding all wrong. These are all genuine headings and you will wonder how they ever got past an editor. I know they wouldnít get past mine! The unexpected incredulity that you will get here is hopefully twinned with at least one good belly laugh. You will find these, mostly American gems, difficult to believe they were ever printed ñ but I have copies of all the clippings Ö so here we go!

ëHOSPITALS RESORTTO HIRING ëFEDRALAGENTS RAID GUN SHOP, FIND WEAPONS.íI donít know where that one came from, but the next gem appeared in a San Francisco paper and covered the fact that parents of 200 kids kept them home as a form of protest: ëPARENTS KEEPKIDS HOME TO PROTEST SCHOOLCLOSURE.íIf we can give you another school one, which comes with a photo of a group of men singing and under the heading of; ëBARBERSHOPSINGERS BRING JOYTO SCHOOLFOR THE DEAF.í(God, but this is making us all look so good in this paper!) ëTIGER WOODS PLAYS WITH OWN BALLS, NIKE SAYSíÖ.and moving quickly on from that headline disclosure, we come to one from the ëWinchester Star; ëSTUDYSHOWS THATFREQUENT SEX ENHANCES PREGNANCY

DOCTORS - physician shortage prompting move, administrators say.íWhatever about not knowing what you will find in your newspaper, surely the fact that a hospital was hiring doctors was no earth-shattering news?

CHANCESí! Then there is another one based, I am sure, on very intensive journalistic research: The heading tells us that ëHOMICIDE VICTIMS RARELYTALK TO POLICE.í

You would imagine that ëThe Associated Pressímight do better, but this next one is one of theirs; ëMIRICLE CURE KILLS FIFTH PATIENT.íI think I shall just give you a few more and without any comment from me, other than to say the next one came from ëThe News Observerí í17 REMAIN DEAD IN MORGUE SHOOTING SPREE.íëBRIDGES HELP PEOPLE CROSS RIVERS.íëMAN ACCUSED OF KILLING LAWYER RECEIVES NEWATTORNEY.íëDIANA WAS STILLALIVE HOURS BEFORE SHE DIED.íëSTARVATION CAN LEAD TO HEALTH HAZZARDS.íëTOTAL LUNAR ECLIPSE WILLBE BROADCASTLIVE ON NORTHWOODS PUBLIC RADIO.íëSTATISTICS SHOWTHAT TEEN PREGNANCYDROPS OFF SIGNIFICENTLYAFTER THE AGE OF 25.í ëNEWSICK POLICYREUIRES 2-DAY NOTICE.íëREPUBLICANS TURNED OFF BYTHE SIZE OF OBAMAíS PACKAGE.íëRANGERS GETWHIFF OF COLON.í

That should be enough to keep you sniggering for a day, dear readers; so weíll conclude our list with one from The Toronto Star; ëMARIJUANNAISSUE SENTTO A JOINTCOMMITTEE.í

The bizarro about all of those headlines is that they were all accurately giving a fair account of the story to follow.

It is the usage and application of the words that maketh the mirth ñ or as Frank Carson might say; ëitís the way I tell them.í

It isnít only in the written word that stating a fact can come across all wrong. Radio has hit many a pitfall over the years ñ and Iíd like to relate a clip I heard from local radio in America about forty years ago.

Asmall southern town was hosting its annual garden fete and farming task fair. One such competition was the garden hoeing competition; and this year there was massive excitement brought into the commentators report, due to the fact that a woman had won it for the first time ever. It went something like this - in a long southern drawl. ìAnd finally folks, this is a first Ö It is my great honour and pleasure to announce that Miss Sue Ellen Dawson is this yearís champion hoer Ö ho .. ho Ö hoerrr Ö ho Ö hoerrrr; The winner of this yearís hoeing competition is Miss Sue Ellen Dawson. Thank you ñand good evening!î

DONíTFORGET

Some people use language to express thought, some to conceal thought, and others instead of thought.

Jos Mar A Ballester Invested As Mayor Of San Fulgencio

José María Ballester, was invested as the Mayor of San Fulgencio on Saturday at the Municipal Plenary Session of the new Municipal Council.

The new mayor will preside over a coalition of councillors from the Partido Popular and Partido Independiente por las Nacionalidades (PIPN), while the six councillors of the PSOE, headed by former mayor José Sampere, will now form the opposition.

The new council will comprise of the mayor, along with four councillors from the Partido Popular, Sara Nolasco Aldeguer, Paulino Herrero Cifuentes, Laura Bernabé Menárguez and Beatriz Sánchez Hidalgo and two elected councillors from the PIPN, Rosario Mejías de Dios and Alain Franz Vanderbergen. The opposition is made up of José Sampere Ballester, Francisco Manuel Molero Ortiz, Samantha Jayne Hull, Ana María Villena Gómez, Darren Parmenter and Alfredo Villanueva Cámara.

The mayor of San Fulgencio thanked the residents for their support at the polls and said that "we want each and every one of the inhabitants of San Fulgencio, in the main town, urbanisations, neighbourhoods and scattered houses, regardless of their nationality, race or religion, to feel it as their town and have full confidence and conviction that we are going to improve the organisation of social life".

The responsibilities of the government team will be announced at a forthcoming plenary session.