Wellspring Issue #86

e u s s I m i Pur MARCH 2023 // ADAR 5783 // ISSUE 86

S LE E P S

US $9.99 // CALIFORNIA $7.50 CANADA $8.99 // UK £5.50 EUROPE €6.50 // ISRAEL ₪24.9

S T

TIM E TUMMY

Self-appointed experts across the board debate their take on child development Plus because Purim is only one day a year, the most effective, evidence-based strategy for each topic

Switch It Up In the spirit of venahafoch, Esti Asher highlights 6 fabulous food swaps

EN T

Nourished with Nature After Sheindy Unger discovered the benefits of a healthy lifestyle, she was determined to share them with others

UL E

P M CA DI

I Want to Be a SWAT Robot with Wings— From Mars 4 ways to help your child maintain their sense of individuality in a cookiecutter world

S

ED

E

A is for Ask (and Adar) Rebbetzin Bina Altsweiser’s profound response to the most popular weight loss question of all time

OLID S NG I T R A

CH

R

Fill ’Em Up Which foods will fuel up your workout?

PL AY

A Refreshing Perspective How to tap in to the unique joy of the days of Mordechai and Esther

Dress Up to Hike Up Does garb impact productivity and spirit?

11 Samples take on the challenge

My Table How We Do Purim

Hamantaschen, Rebranded These fillings are actually good for you

Citrus Strawberry Sparkling Water With sweet drinks like these, who needs sugary soda?

3 Years.

50,000 women.

Over 800 cities.

250 couples funded.

Tens of Thousands of Tefillos ascending on High.

MINNESOTA IOWA KANSAS

NEVADA MONTANA

CALIFORNIA ALASKA

Week after week, Vzakeini members daven at candle lighting for childless couples. Their fervent tefillos unite with the tefillos of thousands of women, breaking through barriers in Heaven and resulting in long-awaited yeshuos.

IDAHO

MARYLAND MICHIGAN

MAINE

WISCONSIN

ILLINOIS

MASSACHUSETTS

NEBRASKA INDIANA

PENNSYLVANIA

COLORADO VERMONT

ALABAMA WASHINGTON ARIZONA

OREGON

WYOMING

UTAH

CANADA MISSOURI

D.C.

SOUTH DAKOTA ARKANSAS

NEW HAMPSHIRE

NORTH CAROLINA

TEXAS NORTH DAKOTA OHIO

CONNECTICUT RHODE ISLAND

OKLAHOMA

It’s the largest tefillah group in the world.

And you can become a part of it.

WEST VIRGINIA

MISSISSIPPI

Three ago, Vzakeini took off with the goal of gathering 18,000 women to daven for childless couples at candle lighting and donate a dollar for their treatment each week.

Today, there are over 50,000 women who join together in tefillah and funding every week for struggling couples.

We are determined to keep raising awareness and funds until every single couple who dreams of parenthood can access the funds they need to hold a baby of their own.

By joining the V'zakeini initiative with your $1 donation per week and your tefilos, you will be helping plant generations of Jewish neshamos.

MEXICO HAWAII

SOUTH CAROLINA

GEORGIA FLORIDA

PANAMA

LOUISIANA VENEZUELA

VIRGINIA KENTUCKY

TENNESSEE

BRAZIL

CHILE URUGUAY ARGENTINA

J O I N T O D AY !

VZAKEINI.ORG 929.456.5100

NEW JERSEY

NEW YORK

DELAWARE

SCOTLAND

HOLLAND

ENGLAND NETHERLANDS BELGIUM

AUSTRIA SWITZERLAND

UKRAINE

0

0

ITALY

I

PE

N

50

,0

ISRAEL

P

SPAIN

ING M

LES H A

GIBRALTAR

AK

WOMEN

M

AC

PORTUGAL

GERMANY

R

FRANCE

RUSSIA

BELARUS

POLAND

SOUTH AFRICA

AUSTRALIA

COPY & RESEARCH

Editor In Chief Shiffy Friedman Deputy Editor Libby Silberman Nutritional Advisory Board Dr. Rachael Schindler Laura Shammah, MS, RDN Tamar Feldman, RDN, CDE Bashy Halberstam, INHC Shaindy Oberlander, INHC Shira Savit, MA, MHC, CHC Esti Asher, MS, RDN, LD Nutrition Contributors Tanya Rosen, MS CAI CPT Shani Taub, CDC

.

Health Advisory Board Dr. Chayala Englard Chaya Tilla Brachfeld, RN Fitness Advisory Board Syma Kranz, PFC Esther Fried, PFC Child Development Advisory Board Friedy Singer, OTR/L Roizy Guttmann, OTR/L Coordinating Editor Liba Solomon, CNWC Feature Editors Rochel Gordon • Rikki Samson

$99.00

Proofreaders Faige Badian • Meira Lawrence

WELLSPRING MAGAZINE: 718-412-3309 info@wellspringmagazine.com www.wellspringmagazine.com 670 Myrtle Ave. Suite 389 Brooklyn, NY 11205

FOOD CONTENT Food Editor Esther Frenkel Recipes Yossi & Malky Levine Charnie Kohn Elky Friedman Styling & Photography Malky Levine Charnie Kohn Pessi Piller ART & PRODUCTION Cover Design Aryeh Epstein Designer Rivky Schwartz Digital Media Rivkah Shanowitz ADVERTISING Executive Account Manager Goldy Kolman 718-412-3309 Ext.2 ads@wellspringmagazine.com SUBSCRIPTION 718-437-0761 subscribe@wellspringmagazine.com DISTRIBUTION Weekly Publications INC. 347-782-5588

For Delivery Issues: Lakewood: Lakewood Courier 732-546-9333 list@lakewoodcourier.com Upstate: 845-782-1010 Brooklyn: 718-437-0761 For Subscription Issues: 347-782-5588

The Wellspring Magazine is published monthly by Wellspring Magazine Inc. All rights are reserved. Reproduction in whole or in part or in any form without prior written permission from the publisher is prohibited. The publisher reserves the right to edit all articles for clarity, space and editorial sensitivities. The Wellspring Magazine assumes no responsibility for the content or kashrus of advertisements in the publication, nor for the content of books that are referred to or excerpted herein. The contents of The Wellspring Magazine, such as text, graphics and other material (content) are intended for educational purposes only. The content is not intended to substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the advice of your health care provider with any questions you have regarding your medical condition.

Experience the better. Experience ParCare.

An Outstanding Podiatry Experience

Meet our one-of-a-kind specialist Diana Castro, DPM

Behavioral health

Dermatology

Nutrition

OB/GYN

Podiatry

Primary Care

BORO PARK WOMEN’S HEALTH CENTER

16TH AVE COR 48TH ST

718.840.3535

entrance on 48th St

WELLSPRING / ADAR 5783

5

LU

ROOMS EL

LE AB

E AVAIL AR

LL

FOR

RE

RY HOT XU

CA

WELLSPRING / MARCH 2023

RVATION S

6

SE

845-409-2000#1

EDITOR'S NOTE

Stroke of the Brush

S

T

everal weeks ago, our valued contributor Shaindy Oberlander reached out to me regarding an important project she was working on. Having witnessed the toll that PCOS has taken on too many women who’ve turned to her for nutritional guidance, she harnessed her networking skills and expertise to compile a comprehensive course for those struggling with this all-too-common condition.

his Purim, my kids are planning to dress up as artists. Actually, only the girls; the boys are gravitating toward Yerushalmi garb and…SWAT robots from Mars! The note I plan to send along with our palette-themed mishloach manos (yes, I’m one of those who delights in themes and color schemes) will highlight the wisdom of the most creative Artist of all—the One who created such a breathtakingly beautiful physical world for us, bursting with color and hues (shoutout to my creative sister Esty for the inspiration).

Hearing the impressive lineup of course presenters, I was gifted a nachas moment. Wellspring had served as the conduit through which Shaindy had met—and recruited—several specialists in their respective fields, and it was so gratifying to know that our reach goes far beyond these pages. It’s nothing less than a zechus to play a role in helping tens of women come away from Shaindy’s course with knowledge, comfort, and guidance toward mitigating their symptoms. Whether it’s playing a role in helping to build families or facilitating better health, it’s humbling to ponder the extent of our influence. We continue our work dutifully, month after month, but what do we know of the wheels that are turning from up High, orchestrating connections and tapestries that are beyond our understanding?

From sunsets to orchards, He’s gifted us with panoramas characterized by so much richness and vibrance. In fact, the natural world offers such variety of color that I didn’t have to look too hard to find fruits from which to create six different-colored sauces to fill the palette wells for our fun and nutritious mishloach manos this year. Accompanied by a vibrant fruit salad and some date-nut chews on the side, we hope our colorful package will be just what our recipients need on a day when nourishing food can be harder to come by.

As a presenter in the course’s final session, I look forward to meeting some of you readers there, and it is my hope that through this hishtadlus many women will experience relief, healing, and the salvation they seek.

Of course, it’s not only in the physical realm that Hashem’s artistry is exhibited. Ein Tzayar ke’Elokeinu. As the Master Artist of Megillas Esther, He orchestrated every detail with utmost precision and attention to detail. Who could have foreseen such ironic twists in a plot that seemed to be leading Klal Yisrael toward their doom? We mortals are like the paintbrush in the hands of the Artist, Who with a simple stroke of a brush can lift us up and whisk us toward a salvation so exquisite and breathtaking. Living with this awareness sparks such joy in our hearts.

Wishing you all a freilichen Purim and a freilichen tamid,

n a m d e i r F y f Shif

WELL- PUT “Nothing can override the importance of good health, and therefore, it’s from a deep place of wanting to live a healthy life that a long-term commitment can originate.”

Sheindy Unger, CDC WELLSPRING / ADAR 5783

7

CONTENTS

MARCH 2023 ADAR 5783 ISSUE 86 Our next issue will appear on Monday, April 3rd iy"H.

32 34

WELL INFORMED 10

Springboard

18

Spiritual Eating

20

Torah Wellspring

24

Health Updates

LIVING WELL 30

Fitness

32

Ask the Nutritionist

34

Cover Feature

44

Sample

52

Cup Of Tea

60 Serial Diary 62

DIY

WELLBEING

44 73

SEASONED 8

WELLSPRING / MARCH 2023

64

Inner Parenting

68

OT@Home

70

Tap In

FAREWELL 98

Holistic

FYI will return next month.

TER TH EN

EIR

WITH PLAY WELLSPRING / ADAR 5783

9

SPRINGBOARD

telltale signs at the onset and apply one of the above immediately.

I’d like to offer some suggestions to the reader who’s suffering from canker sores. As someone who’s been there, I feel your agony.

Two things that have helped me: First, you can ask a doctor to prescribe you triamcinolone dental paste. It is a cortisone cream, but when you’re in agony, it’s a lifesaver.

Lately, I’ve also used the TFH spray from the company MR. It definitely works, albeit not that fast.

The trick for both remedies is to catch the sore before it swells up. If you’re prone to getting them often, you should be able to know the 10

WELLSPRING / MARCH 2023

As a longtime fan of your magazine, I look forward to learning something new every month. Every now and then I wonder if there’s still health-related content you haven’t yet covered, and every month, I’m surprised to find something fresh and thought-provoking in these pages.

The past issue’s cover feature was one such article—in a class of its own. We’ve been reading so much about a healthy lifestyle in all areas, but, like the author, I had never taken the time to consider what kinds of chemicals are in use in my home.

However, while the piece was very informative and persuasive, the line I most appreciated was regarding applying the information with a healthy perspective. It’s true that these chemicals aren’t beneficial to our health, but neither is stressing out about the damage. I’m too wellacquainted with the detriment of anxiety-ridden obsessions with health to know just how harmful that can be. So, yes, while it is a good idea to use more nature-derived products

FO R KIDS AG E S 5 -1 5

TER T H EN

EIR

H WIT

PLAY THERAPY DIVISION INFO@SIPUK.ORG | 718.400.9988 LOCATED IN BROOKLYN

Unfortunately, Mendy is no stranger to the hospital, and after many procedures, trauma sets in. With play therapy, he is finally able to handle his reality and dream of a brighter future.

Transform your child’s hurting inner world with play therapy, a therapeutic journey where kids get to be kids – and heal from trauma, anxiety, or behavioral issues. By entering your child’s imaginative world, Sipuk’s expert therapists will help heal their hearts and empower them to emerge with confidence and resilience.

A Project of Hamaspik of Kings County

Therapy is covered by insurance at no cost. All insurances accepted aside from UHC.

WELLSPRING / ADAR 5783

11

SPRINGBOARD

My two-year-old daughter has (very) enlarged adenoids. Her ENT put her on a steroid spray, which is administered up her nose. He is okay with trying to avoid surgery for now, but she is still snoring at night after three months on the spray. I feel that her sleep quality is being affected and would like to know if there are any other methods, natural included, to reduce the adenoids. Of course, I will go ahead with surgery if need be because I think being well-rested is crucial. However, I want to know that I’ve tried all other options first.

With the ENT’s approval, you may want to try making some dietary changes. It is likely that your daughter’s adenoids are enlarged due to a food allergy or intolerance. Try removing dairy and sugar from her diet for two weeks and watch for changes. Following this diet has been found to be successful, in conjunction with using thieves spray and oil. Spray the spray directly on the tonsils and massage the oil on the throat and neck area.

This will hopefully help your daughter’s adenoids return to their usual size.

whenever possible, whether food or detergent, it’s always a better idea to remember the beauty in balance, and that doing our best without stressing out is the perfect hishtadlus to usher more health and wellness into our home.

As a mother of a hypersensitive child, I’m writing to thank Miriam Frankel for her insightful column.

I’ve implemented various techniques and played some of her recommended activities with my son and I’m happy to report that I’ve seen improvement in his behavior and anxiety.

Thanks so much for being such a valuable resource for our family.

12

WELLSPRING / MARCH 2023

problem? Is a woman not allowed to want to be an average weight? Must I always choose what I’m in the mood for because otherwise I’ve fallen prey to diet culture?

I love Gila Glassberg’s column and have gleaned much insight from her words. I agree that going to extremes with weight loss and making it a top priority in life isn’t a healthy approach. However, there’s one question I’ve been having that became especially strong for me in her last article. From her words, it seemed like wanting to lose weight or maintain a decent size is a terrible thing. Like the woman in the scenario she describes in the article, I also sometimes opt for brown rice noodles over white pasta even if my taste buds do prefer the pasta, but I still choose to go with the brown rice noodles for the simple reason that I’d like to maintain my weight.

Whenever I can, I try to opt for the leaner choice. I can’t say I do so begrudgingly, and I like the way I feel in my current healthy size. Is that a

The concept of self-control and choosing what’s right over what feels good plays an important role in Yiddishkeit. Where’s the place for that in the Intuitive Eating approach?

Gila Glassberg, RDN, IEC, responds: Thank you for your question and positive feedback.

First, I’d like to explain that most women I work with will begrudgingly choose the brown rice pasta and then find themselves either bingeing on other foods afterward or even having the white pasta later because that’s what they really wanted.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to lose weight, but it’s always important to ask ourselves where that desire is coming from and if we’re allocating much more head

These statements have not been eval uated by the FDA. These products are not i ntended to di agnose, treat, prevent or cure any di sease.

A blood pressure test is one grade where you shouldn’t score high.

An overactive blood flow can put the blood vessels, veins, and, ultimately, the heart, at risk. Maxi Health Pressure Complex and Relax to the Max are supplements that may be helpful in bringing the pressure down to normal levels by supplying your body with necessary nutrients. Way to heart health!

PRESSURE COMPLEX A potent mix of nutrients that may help to reduce blood pressure, including CoQ10, garlic and natural diuretics

BODY RELAXATION Restores inositol levels for a calmer, supported nervous system.

WELLSPRING / ADAR 5783

13

SPRINGBOARD

I’m expecting my first in the next few weeks, be’ezras Hashem. I have been reading about different options for feeding the baby and am getting overwhelmed. There seem to be a lot of different options when it comes to nursing or formula, and I’m not sure how to decide. What do you recommend?

What an exciting time for you! The choice about how to feed your baby is a very personal one. My recommendation is to educate youself as much as possible before the baby’s birth. However, be prepared to be flexible as plans often change once the baby arrives.

with formula. While exclusive breastfeeding is recommended for the first six months of a baby’s life, note that any amount or duration of breastfeeding is an incredible feat and should be celebrated.

Breastfeeding does not have to be all or nothing and has tremendous benefits even in small quantities.

There are many benefits to breastfeeding. It is free and readily available. Mother’s milk passes antibodies to the baby, boosting his or her immune system in the first few months of life. Breastfed babies have a decreased incidence of ear infections, diabetes, obesity, and food allergies. In addition, breastfeeding lowers the risk of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS). The first few days and weeks of breastfeeding can be challenging. Babies are naturally sleepy, and getting them to latch and stay awake for a feeding may not be easy. While most mothers experience milk letdown in the first few days after delivery, this may be delayed, which can cause additional stress. It’s important to speak with a pediatrician or lactation consultant to make sure you have the support you need. Being patient, staying well-hydrated, resting as much as possible, and offering the breast frequently can all be helpful measures in those first few days of a baby’s life. Some mothers find expressing breastmilk with a pump to be a good alternative to direct breastfeeding. This may allow the mother to return to work, run errands, and have other caregivers feed and bond with the baby. Expressed/pumped milk still has 100 percent of the same benefits as direct breastfeeding.

Formula feeding is an excellent alternative to breast feeding. Cow’s milk–based formula most closely resembles mother’s milk. Some have additions like iron-fortification, prebiotics, and probiotics. No brand is superior to another and the overwhelming majority of cow’s milk formulas are the same. There is no evidence that organic or foreign formulas are better or safer. In fact, since foreign and imported formulas are not subject to FDA standards, they should not be used before speaking to your pediatrician. Soy formulas may be recommended as an alternative for babies with lactose intolerance. Babies with true cow’s milk protein allergy (MPA) may require hydrolyzed or hypoallergenic formulas.

Some mothers may choose or need to supplement

space to it than we want to.

Most of my clients are chronic dieters and have been on every diet in the book. They are so confused about what to eat that they don’t even know what they like anymore.

Intuitive Eating takes a totally different approach. First, it teaches

14

WELLSPRING / MARCH 2023

Babies often have colic or unexplained crying and may seem fussy, gassy, and uncomfortable or spit up after feeds. This is usually normal and expected baby behavior and does not indicate a need to change formulas. Babies who are having a hard time gaining weight, who are arching their back, or experiencing significant discomfort with feeds may benefit from formula adjustments, changing their feeding patterns, or—rarely—the addition of medication.

Ultimately, remember that fed is best and that nothing is more important than a thriving baby and a healthy mother.

us to get in touch with what hunger and fullness actually feel like, and then to identify which foods we actually like. We’re encouraged to have those foods in a way that feels good to us. We should ask ourselves in the moment, “If I have brown rice pasta, will I feel deprived later and

end up eating more anyway?” We might decide, “I like both pastas; sometimes I’ll have the white one and sometimes the brown rice one,” or “I’ll pick the brown rice pasta because I’m practicing gentle nutrition from a place of self-care, not self-punishment.”

WELLSPRING / ADAR 5783

15

SPRINGBOARD

My child is gaining weight. She is getting bigger than her friends and I’m concerned. What can I do?

Answer: Of course you’re concerned. We know that there are certain things that can make life more challenging for our children, and weight is one of them. But let’s look at this from a practical perspective. As the parent, you can offer a variety of nutritious foods and fun foods. You can create a family culture where you spend time outside on walks or bike rides. All of these things encourage healthy habits.

But what to avoid? There lies the challenge. Avoid dieting. Avoid limiting your child’s food intake in order to change their body size or shape. Children need a lot of nutrition—more than you might think.

Undercutting their nutrition may prevent them from getting enough calories for appropriate brain development, as their prefrontal cortex, which is necessary for higher-level thinking, isn’t developed until after their twentieth birthday.

Be positive in your proactivity. Add foods; don’t remove. Add activity without shaming or teasing.

Encourage healthy habits through modeling them— do them yourself! Laughter is the antithesis of anxiety. Eat together and laugh together. Count smiles, not bites or calories.

The concept of restraining ourselves is certainly a value in Yiddishkeit, as is the concept of kavanah.

What is my intention behind this food choice?

Is it to maintain my weight because I’ve been indoctrinated by diet culture and the non-Jewish beauty standards to obsess about my weight and my looks, or is it stemming from the part of me that wants to take care of myself, in a healthy way?

So much boils down to our underlying intention.

When that is pure, we usually end up making the right choice.

I’d like to thank Libby Silberman for her excellent, engaging column and for her fabulous work with the mindful-eating Sample. The results sounded so fantastic that I wanted to try the experiment myself.

Using the prompts that were sent out to the trial participants, I followed the program religiously for 19 days—and saw excellent results, as well.

Mindfulness is everything. It’s fascinating to take note of how starting in one area (a big one at that!) impacts all areas of life, and how being a mindful eater turns one into a more mindful person. I find that now, when I’m still focused on doing things with intention, I complete my tasks so much more efficiently. Whether I’m doing a work assignment or even telling a child a bedtime story, everything takes on a more meaningful spin when I’m doing it fully. I look forward to keeping up this practice— and the weight loss is a fabulous side benefit!

Yaffi Lvova, RDN, is a dietitian and food enjoyment activist who encourages positive nutrition through writing, speaking, and Nap Time Nutrition, her video blog and podcast. Find out more at babybloomnutrition.com.

Get in touch!

Wellspring invites readers to submit letters and comments via regular mail or email to info@wellspringmagazine.com. We reserve the right to edit all submissions and will withhold your name upon request. We will honor requests for anonymity, but we cannot consider letters that arrive without contact information.

16

WELLSPRING / MARCH 2023

Experience the better. Experience ParCare.

A Smooth Dermatology Experience

Meet our one-of-a-kind Dermatologist Leora Nakhon, PA

Behavioral health

Dermatology

Nutrition

OB/GYN

Podiatry

Primary Care

BORO PARK WOMEN’S HEALTH CENTER

16TH AVE COR 48TH ST

718.840.3535

entrance on 48th St

WELLSPRING / ADAR 5783

17

SPIRITUAL EATING

By Rabbi Eli Glaser, CNWC, CWMS

Purim Potential or Pitfall— It’s Up to You

Faigy stares in a trance at what must be her kitchen table hidden beneath teetering mounds of bags, baskets, and boxes, overflowing with candy, chocolate, cookies, cake, soda, and chips.

The floor is sticky, covered with cellophane, ribbons, and confetti. Her oneyear-old waddles through the mess, his face, hands, hair, and clothes smeared with chocolate, and promptly lays his filthy face on her lap, wailing. Faigy desperately wishes she could wail right along with him. She is using every last ounce of inner strength to hold it together amid all the chaos and noise— and the piles of goodies tempting her.

Faigy understands the incredible spiritual potential of Purim and yearns to tap into it. But, like so many of us, she gets dragged down by the abundance of junk food. She knows what happens once she goes down the overeating route—how it impacts her health, as well as her wellbeing.

If you can relate to Faigy, know that there are many steps you can take throughout this special day to maintain a sense of balance and free yourself to use Purim as the tremendous opportunity it is meant to be. Especially if you’re prone to overeating, review the following suggestions and see which ones you can implement in your own home. › If you fail to plan, you plan to fail.

Plan your entire Purim day in advance by writing out a schedule. Have a family meeting to discuss each person’s

18

WELLSPRING / MARCH 2023

needs and agenda for the day. Figure out who’s davening when and where, who’s watching the kids so you can daven and hear megillah in peace, when you’re delivering mishloach manos, when the seudah will begin, etc. If you have a schedule and you know what to do next and what to expect, you won’t feel so harried—and you’ll be less likely to stick something in your mouth. Of course, as part of the planning process, prepare healthy meals and snacks in advance. › As Purim is a day when no prayer goes unanswered, the yetzer hara makes sure we stay too busy to take the time to daven. If possible, arrange to go to shul a half hour before the megillah reading so you can daven a good Shacharis, or take some time after the reading to daven. Among your other bakashos on this powerful yom tefillah, ask Hashem for help to get you through the day without overeating so you can be present to the greatness and spirit of the day, and ask for the strength to set limits and boundaries for your children. › Get out of the house. Deliver mishloach manos with your family, if possible on foot so you can get exercise and fresh air. Walking and moving around will help you feel good and maintain a happy mood. Volunteer to deliver mishloach manos for your shul or school.

Bring Purim cheer by visiting a nursing home, a hospital, or a lonely widow. › Don’t sort through the mishloach manos you received by yourself; ask a friend or family member in whose presence you would be embarrassed to nosh to be there with you. Take out any healthy items and store them in your kitchen. › Make a tremendous kiddush Hashem and bring all the excess junk food to your local fire station as an expression of hakaras hatov. Bring your children with you so they can feel the joy of doing the mitzvah and won’t resent giving away the candy. Don’t send it to your kid’s yeshiva—it certainly won’t help their learning. › If you’re tired, make sure to carve out the time to take a 20-minute power nap—even if it sounds impossible. When we’re tired, we’re vulnerable to making bad food choices and we often confuse fatigue with hunger. › When faced with a food-related challenge or temptation that requires great effort, think of Esther HaMalkah. Just as Esther showed tremendous courage and strength and risked her life by approaching the king, so too, we can ask Hashem for that same courage and strength at our moment of challenge.

Rabbi Eli Glaser, CNWC, CWMS, is the founder and director of Soveya and the author of the best-selling book Enough Is Enough—How the Soveya Solution Is Revolutionizing the Diet and Weight-Loss World, available on Amazon and at Barnes & Nobles and Judaica Plaza in Lakewood. He has worked with thousands of clients around the world and has maintained a 130-pound weight loss for the last 19 years.

For more information about Soveya’s programs call 732-5788800, email info@soveya.com, or visit www. soveya.com.

WELLSPRING / ADAR 5783

19

TORAH WELLSPRING

By Rabbi Ezra Friedman

From Force to Choice When our actions emanate from our will, they elicit joy and excitement

At this time of year, we rejoice upon the breathtaking miracle that occurred to all of Klal Yisrael during the days of Mordechai and Esther. One way to explain the simchah the Yidden experienced during those seminal moments of our history is that it was derived from their reacceptance of the Torah, from proclaiming na’aseh venishma.

After all, the simchah of kabbalas haTorah is overwhelmingly powerful.

20

WELLSPRING / MARCH 2023

Explaining the words of the megillah, “kimu vekiblu,” the Gemara in Shabbos (88a) notes that the Yidden actually accepted what they’d already once accepted. But there was something more in the kimu vekiblu the Yidden experienced this time; it was a simchah that emanated from accepting the Torah differently to how they had at Matan Torah—for this time they did so from a place of ahavah.

At Har Sinai, we know, the Torah was offered to Klal Yisrael, and then Hakadosh Baruch Hu showed them the mountain: “Kafah aleihem har kegigis” (Shabbos 88a). The nation was cautioned that if they wouldn’t accept the Torah, they would be buried under the mountain. They certainly accepted the Torah then, but Chazal explain that this was from a place of yirah. Now, centuries later, during the days of Mordechai and Esther, Klal Yisrael reached a watershed moment in history, at which they proclaimed with a burning desire, “We want this!”

Our Need to Choose What an exquisite moment in our history—one that we can relive every moment in our own lives. How so? Since Hakadosh Baruch Hu created this world so that we can earn our just reward in the World to Come and actually feel deserving of the goodness He wants to shower us with, He created us as creatures of choice. By choosing to do the right thing, we would feel that our reward is rightfully earned. Since this is part of our essence, we have a strong need for free will. We can only thrive when we feel that we’re free to choose. Hashem could have created us as servants, a capacity in which we’d be forced to robotically fulfill His every command, but that’s not how the Tov sherotzeh leheitiv fashioned this world. Instead, He created the concept of bechirah

because He wanted us to experience the connection and joy that comes along with making our own decision.

It is specifically when we feel that we own our choice that we become connected to the deed we’re engaging in. It is then that we experience pleasure from the process.

Shlomo Hamelech states in Koheles (3:19): “Umosar ha’adam min habeheimah ayin.” The one attribute that sets apart man from an animal is ayin, our ability to say no—to make a choice. While the creatures in the animal kingdom are perfectly content following their instincts, it is we humans who are fashioned with a need to be able to choose.

It’s interesting to note that among the consequences for negative behavior in the Torah, one very common means of punishment that has been used for centuries around the globe is notably absent: prison. With the above understanding of human nature, the reason for this becomes clear. Since Hakadosh Baruch Hu fashioned the human being with a need for choice, for free will, prison is not considered a viable consequence. Stripping a human being of their ability to choose, the Torah understood, is worse than death. The sefarim explain that capital punishment, for those whose sins render them chayav misah, is more humane than allowing a person to live but depriving him of choice.

Incredibly, because choice is so important to us, even an activity

or pastime that was previously enjoyable and is then turned into a command suddenly loses its luster.

When we’re forced to do something or we’re driven by fear, all appetite is sucked out of the deed. Imagine if someone who loves to read is forced to do so for a set amount of time.

How stifling would that library session feel? In the same vein, as much as we are cognitively aware of the “tov li Toras picha,” the beauty of Torah and how it enhances every area of our life, when following its commandments feels forced, our observance is bereft of joy.

From Must to Want When much of what we do is driven by fear, life feels supremely stressful. If we’re kept hostage by an inner voice that keeps wagging its finger at us and warning us not to step out of line, we’re left feeling drained and exhausted even from everyday living.

Whether it’s mitzvos or other duties of life, what we desperately need is not a way out from what we’re already doing, but a new approach to keep at it—an approach that makes us feel excited about those same chores, those same mitzvos, those same deeds.

Just how far does the Torah go in conveying the importance of making decisions by choice, as opposed to force? The Gemara (Yavamos 109a) teaches that one who makes a neder is as if

WELLSPRING / ADAR 5783

21

TORAH WELLSPRING

he built a bamah (an altar for avodah zarah)—and one who fulfills that oath is as if he sacrificed a korban on that altar. In other words, Chazal looked askance at placing ourselves in a position where we’re forced to observe a mitzvah or to refrain from an aveirah. When one makes an oath, he’s essentially locking himself in, restricting himself from the ability to choose. Since that’s the antithesis of our essence, Chazal compared the enactment of an oath—even with good intentions— to a deed as abominable as sacrificing a korban to avodah zarah.

It is the moment of transition from “I must do this” to “I want to do this” that’s a game changer in our life. That is the milestone Klal Yisrael reached in Megillas Esther, and what joy it unleashed for them all. When we feel that we want something, we approach it with true chiyus and enthusiasm. We live it!

Instilling a Desire Being mindful of this powerful principle regarding how we humans operate goes a long way in helping us understand ourselves and others. As parents, it opens a window of incredible insight regarding our children.

In chinuch, parents sometimes make the mistake of thinking that limiting their child’s choices as much as possible will keep him on the right path.

The more I control his behavior or coerce him to stay in line—whether through consequences, warnings, commands, or otherwise—the higher the chances that he’ll stay focused on what I believe is right for him.

True, there certainly is a place for eliciting yirah in chinuch, for telling a child that this is what he must do, no questions asked. Especially when kids are young and not yet mature, they need more warnings and strict rules to be kept in line. But the smol docheh should not be our default— and certainly not our ideal—mode of operation. It’s the “kafah aleihem har kegigis” approach, which facilitates an acceptance that emanates from fear, an acceptance that doesn’t feel at all like a choice. And that’s not the

22

WELLSPRING / MARCH 2023

But the good news is that even if we realize that certain areas of our avodas Hashem are being carried out “with no choice,” whether we feel forced by an inner voice or we feel disconnected, we can still change that—today. end goal. The end goal is that eventually we want the child to be able to make the right choice on his own.

We want him to want it, to embrace it, and to live it with joy.

If a child grows up and the reason he’s davening or learning is any kind of fear—fear of punishment from authority or Hashem, fear of what others will say, fear of disappointing others, etc.—he hasn’t reached his goal. That’s not the Yiddishkeit Hashem intended for us; it’s not the Yiddishkeit that’s authentic and lasting. In true chinuch, punishment and warning must be very delicate, a last-resort tactic. The most important element in raising a child to lead a Torah life is to imbue a love for Yiddiskeit in his heart—mainly by example. The more excitement the child feels toward the mitzvos, the more he will be’ezras Hashem choose to observe them as he grows.

This is true not only in regard to parenting our children but also in regard to parenting ourselves. As Yidden, our work in this world is to constantly improve our avodas Hashem, to cultivate a connection with the Ribbono Shel Olam that is authentic

and genuine. As long as our Yiddishkeit feels forced or robotic, we may not be there yet.

But the good news is that even if we realize that certain areas of our avodas Hashem are being carried out “with no choice,” whether we feel forced by an inner voice or we feel disconnected, we can still change that—today. The change happens when we make the decision to choose what we’re doing. From what happened to Klal Yisrael during the days of Purim, we draw chizuk that even what once felt forced can now become a conscious choice.

Bechirah, free will, is a constant in our life. With the exception of a baal aveirah, the Ramban teaches, we are always free to choose—our deeds and our thoughts. Deciding to embrace the Torah by noticing Hashem’s love for us is entirely in our hands. Every single moment is another opportunity to internalize the Torah’s goodness, to delve into its beauty. And when we embrace the Torah by choice, that’s when the world comes to its tachlis. That’s when we fulfill the Torah as Hashem intended it to be.

Moving On Our avodah is to notice which areas of our service, whether mitzvos or minhagim, are still stuck in the yirah stage—where we still hear that inner voice that forces us to keep at it—and to transform them into deeds that we do by choice. This might entail learning more about the mitzvah, discovering its beauty, or shedding negative associations related to it.

As a result, we will engage in these mitzvos by choice, which translates by default into observing them with pleasure.

“Hadar kibluha be’ahavah,” Rashi teaches. In the days of Mordechai and Esther, the Yidden finally acquired the Torah from an ideal place, a place of desire. At Matan Torah, the choice wasn’t theirs. In fact, this wasn’t because the Yidden felt forced by fear. In a fascinating explanation of “kafah aleihem har kegigis,” Rav Eliyahu Dessler asserts that the “har” the Yidden were shown was actually the Ribbono Shel Olam Himself, and when the Omnipotent G-d revealed

Himself to them, so to speak, their sheer awe for Hashem compelled them to exclaim “Na’aseh venishma.”

So taken were they by His greatness that the words slipped out of their mouths. Nevertheless, even if their acceptance emanated from awe, since it left them no choice, it wasn’t considered the ideal impetus for the commitment.

On this note, Rav Dessler offers an insight as to why Yom Kippur is only considered Yom HakiPurim, a day that is like Purim, implying something essentially greater in the latter. On Yom Kippur, he teaches, the day takes on a somber note. It’s a day that is characterized by yirah, when we’re driven by awe of Hashem and fear of His judgment. We tremble as we cry, “kavakaras roeh edro.” The essence of Purim, on the other hand, is one of love and joy. It’s a day when we embrace the Torah and mitzvos from a place of choice.

Of course, we need a day like Yom Kippur, just like Klal Yisrael needed the kafah aleihem, and just like a child

needs to be taught right from wrong with a certain sense of warning and seriousness. Sometimes, a child needs a potch to learn that he should never try running into the road again.

There’s certainly a time and place for that stage. But, if, when the child is twenty, the parent must exercise the same force to keep his child out of danger, that’s trouble. The goal of kafah aleihem is that at some point in his life, the child should reach a place of operating from choice, from internalizing the importance and beauty of what he does. Only when we choose, we carry out the ultimate ratzon Hashem. Our work in this life is to chisel our usage of choice: to consciously say no to what isn’t right for us, and to actively choose what’s really good for us.

This year Purim, and for the rest of our lives, may we be zocheh to have the clarity to know what’s good for us and to consciously keep choosing it, which will facilitate the connection and pleasure our neshamah seeks.

Rabbi Ezra Friedman welcomes questions and comments on this column. Please write to rabbiefriedman@wellspringmagazine.com.

WELLSPRING / ADAR 5783

23

UPDATES

By Esther Retek

Deafening Noise Is the traffic outside your window harmful?

Whether it’s nonstop construction, rumbling trains, honking buses, or early morning noisy garbage trucks, those who live in busy areas are constantly exposed to traffic noise and other ear-splitting sounds. The noise is not just annoying according to new research, published in Environmental Health Perspectives. The study suggests a link between the risk of developing tinnitus and traffic noise, with a vicious cycle of stress reactions and sleep disturbance as a potential cause.

The Danish researchers found that people who live near busy roads may suffer from increased stress and affected sleep. Consequently, those who are sleeping poorly and have higher stress are at greater risk for tinnitus. Tinnitus is ringing, buzzing, whistling or humming sounds that don’t come from an external source. It can be a sign of an underlying disease or injury, but often has an unknown cause. It often occurs with hearing loss.

For the study, the researchers used data from 3.5 million Danes, finding more than 40,000 cases of tinnitus. For every 10 decibels more noise in people’s homes, the risk of developing tinnitus increased by 6%, said researcher Manuella Lech Cantuaria, an assistant professor at the Mærsk Mc-Kinney-Møller Institute. They also found that noise at 24

WELLSPRING / MARCH 2023

night puts you at an even greater risk than being exposed to noise by day.

Researchers also estimate that there are even more unreported cases of tinnitus not referred to a hearing clinic by doctors.

Tinnitus is no picnic. People who suffer from it report the negative impact it has on quality of life, including sleep, concentration, cognition and other important functions.

Some cases require hearing aids, while others are untreatable.

Interestingly, the same study authors found a correlation between traffic noise and dementia in 2021. “It is alarming that noise seems to increase the risk of tinnitus, cardiovascular diseases and dementia, among other diseases,” says Jesper Hvass Schmidt, Associate Professor at the Department of Clinical Research and Chief Physician at Odense University Hospital The researchers suggested various prevention efforts to reduce noise in homes. If you have the option, sleep in a room that does not face the road. Soundproof windows are another smart choice. Until then, I'll continue to dream about the impossible: a city without the noise and deafening sounds that come along with it.

These statements have not been eval uated by the FDA. These products are not i ntended to di agnose, treat, prevent or cure any di sease.

G

L

SE LEVE O C LU

High blood sugar isn’t as sweet as it sounds.

Diabetics, or those in prediabetic stages, often cross dangerous and unhealthy boundaries with high blood sugar counts. Effects range from dizziness, unquenchable thirst, and chronic yeast infections to permanent damage in critical organs. Maxi Glucose Support can help reverse unwanted results with Chromium, Benfotiamine, Cinnamon, Vanadium, as well as other important nutrients known for blood sugar control. Keep life sweet!

GLUCOSE SUPPORT Contains bioavailable and chelated ingredients, absorbs straight into the blood

WELLSPRING / ADAR 5783

25

UPDATES

‫זיס ווי‬ !‫צוקער‬ A Friend a Day Keeps Your Stress at Bay You may want to remember your friends this erev Pesach If the workload of the month ahead brings up stress for you, here’s a remedy you may want to try. A new study published in Communication Research reports what seems to be a prevention to stress–and what a pleasurable remedy!

All you need to do is schedule a coffee date one morning or pick a friend to schmooze with while you’re getting the toys cleaned. Conversing with a friend just once during the day to catch up, joke around, talk about something meaningful, or tell them you’re thinking of them can increase your happiness and lower your stress level for that day, the results showed.

Over 900 study participants from five university campuses were directed to engage in communication with a friend every day, and then reported back at night about their feelings of stress, connection, anxiety, well-being, loneliness and the quality of their day.

It turned out that it didn’t even matter what type of communication they had with a friend, be it light banter, quality talk, showing them you care, or just listening. The very act of intentionally reaching out to a friend to communicate and engage with them was what mattered most.

Even a single conversation with a friend significantly lowered stress levels and increased wellbeing.

26

WELLSPRING / MARCH 2023

Two interesting points the researchers examined were whether quality conversations bolstered results and whether face-to-face made a difference.

Jeffrey Hall, co-author of the study and University of Kansas professor of Communication Studies, says, “This study found that once is enough, but more is better. Participants who chose to have more quality conversations had better days. This means the more that you listened to your friends, the more that you showed care, the more that you took time to value others' opinions, the better you felt at the end of the day.”

The researchers also found that face-to-face played a greater impact than over the phone or online. High quality face-to-face communication was more closely associated with well-being than electronic or social media contact.

“If at least one of their quality conversations was faceto-face, that mattered,” notes Hall.

For some of us, getting out to meet friends or picking up a phone to call one is natural. We make time for it because we need it to function well. But if you can go several days without talking to a friend, it might be worthwhile making an effort to do so more often–especially during stressful periods.

For those with higher standards.™

100 % Kosher . ch L ’ Pesa

Zeroloies Ca

Sweet as Sugar Enjoy a sweet Purim skit

Cutting down on sugar is easy with Gefen Harmony Sweetener.

It’s lighter, healthier, and sweet as sugar. Perfect for your Pesach baking marathon, or to sweeten your coffee when you sit down for a well-deserved break. Those who prefer the taste of Splenda will find Harmony to be its closest accompaniment in this special-run kosher l’pesach version.

t Wishing you a S wee & Kos her Pesach

UPDATES

Part

4

in a series

Demystified

Myth: Your child’s candy-filled bag is inducing his hyperactivity.

Fact: If you’re quick to link your child’s hyperactivity on Purim to the sugar in his candy-filled bag, you’re not alone. The correlation between sugar and hyperactivity has long been noted and parents as well as reputable organizations are continuously bemoaning the sugar-hyperactivity dynamic. The truth? Countless studies that have been conducted over the last few decades that tried to prove the link, but failed to do so. In 1995, Journal of the American Medical Association concluded that sugar in the diet did not have any effect on children’s behavior.

Where did this association develop? In 1973, popular allergist Benjamin Feingold, M.D., published the Feingold Diet, which highly advocated eliminating food additives such as food coloring and artificial flavoring to treat hyperactivity. As a result, all refined sugar came under scrutiny and was consequently linked with hyperactivity.

Still not convinced? Here’s something fascinating you may want to consider before you dismiss the above. More than actual sugar, it’s our thoughts that may actually be exacerbating the situation. A study published in the August 1994 Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology showed that parents who believe a child’s behavior is affected by sugar are more likely to perceive their children as hyperactive every time they consume something sweet—something to keep in mind before Purim comes around.

Either way, no one’s advocating endless sugary treats. There are many other evidence-based reasons you wouldn’t want your child to be overdosing on those sweets. But be aware that your child’s hyperactivity on Purim is not necessarily because of the sugar content in their mishloach manos. It may be the other ingredients in the treats, lack of structure, or sensory stimulation. Or, they might just be genuinely besimcha on this special day!

28

WELLSPRING / MARCH 2023

$99.00

WELLSPRING / ADAR 5783

29

FITNESS

By Chaya Tziry Retter, RDN, BS, CPT Chaya Tziry Retter is a Monsey-based Registered Dietitian, ACE-Certified Personal Trainer, and group fitness instructor. She is passionate about helping others lead healthier lives in a way that suits their needs. She can be reached at 845-540-4487.

30

WELLSPRING / MARCH 2023

It’s no news that eating well and exercising are a pair of lifestyle habits that are good to practice, and we know they go hand in hand with the long-term goal of better health. But food and exercise are even more intricately connected because what you put in your body and how you move directly and indirectly affect each other.

Exercise gets the metabolism revved up and ready to burn and is proven to enhance processes like digestion and insulin sensitivity. On the flip side of this relationship, foods eaten will impact physical activity before, during, and after each workout session. Although it may feel counterintuitive to eat if you are exercising to lose weight, the body requires fuel to keep it going, much like a car needs gasoline to keep driving.

Before working out, both the American Dietetics Association and the American College of Sports Medicine recommend consuming a snack that is high in carbohydrate and moderate in protein. They also suggest avoiding foods that are high in fat or fiber, as these can take longer to digest and lead to discomfort during the workout. Indeed, much research has demonstrated how foods can affect stamina, endurance, and performance.

A study conducted by Maffucci and McCurry examined the exercise performance of eight female subjects three and six hours after eating a meal. Results showed that performance in moderate- to high-intensity workouts was improved by eating a high-carbohydrate, low-fat, low-protein meal three hours prior to exercising, as compared to eating the same meal six hours beforehand. Furthermore, a study published in the 1999 Journal of Medicine and Science in Sports and Exercise found that when people ate a 400-calorie meal (breakfast) three hours before they exercised, they were able to cycle for approximately 30 minutes longer than when they had not eaten beforehand.

Ideally, a snack consumed before exercising should be light (100–300 calories) and contain carbohydrates and protein, for example, fruit or yogurt. The greater the quantity of food eaten, the longer it takes for the body to digest it, so working out too soon after eating may cause a stomach cramp. Some fitness experts suggest eating food in liquid form before a workout, such as a fruit smoothie, to reduce the risk of getting a cramp while exercising.

Waiting to exercise for at least half an hour after eating will usually accomplish the same result.

Many people believe they’ll be better off heading into their workouts on an empty stomach to “jumpstart” calorie loss. However, not eating before working out is generally not supported by scientific research, and any benefit is likely to be minor. Research has shown that although more fat calories may be burned by exercising on an empty stomach, the total amount of calories burned is compa-

rable to the same workout after eating a light snack. Most importantly, exercising without having eaten may lead to fewer calories being burned in the long run since stamina and endurance for completing a full workout may thereby be lower. It is very important for people with certain health conditions, including diabetes and low blood pressure, to eat before they exercise.

With the above in mind, these are the general guidelines: • Large meals at least 3–4 hours before exercising • Small meals or snacks about 1–3 hours before exercising Studies suggest that eating or drinking carbohydrates before exercise can improve workout performance and may allow you to work out for a longer time or at a higher intensity. If you don’t eat, you might feel sluggish or lightheaded when you exercise.

Below are some good options for a light breakfast or morning snack: • Whole grain cereals or bread • Low-fat milk • Juice • Yogurt • Bananas • Oatmeal • Homemade protein bar • Fruit smoothie • Apples with peanut butter In addition, drink plenty of water before, during, and after your workout. One study found that optimal performance occurred after consuming 400–600 milliliters of water pre-workout. Furthermore, researchers found athletes’ perceived effort remained lowest when the quantity of water they consumed closely matched their water loss through sweating. In other words, the more you drink, the easier your workout feels.

These guidelines are mostly geared to those who exercise in the morning. However, if you’re an afternoon or night mover and shaker, these recommendations can be adjusted accordingly. Also, despite the research in favor of fueling up before a workout, if you find that your workout is more productive on an empty stomach, there’s nothing inherently harmful or detrimental in doing so, unless directed otherwise by a medical practitioner.

WELLSPRING / ADAR 5783

31

ASK THE NUTRITIONIST Rebbetzin Bina Altsweiser, SAS*

Q

What A Challenge!

Can you please help me see the way out of this painful place?

Being that you’re the indisputable “wisest of all (wo)men” (at least, according to everyone on my chochmas nashim group and their nextdoor neighbor), I’m turning to you with a question that has been weighing on my mind for quite some time now. You see, during my teenage and early adult years, I was the girl everyone envied. My camp boxes consisted of Twizzlers, noodle soups, and Reisman’s brownie bars.

I was always in for a trip to the ice cream store, and the guy behind the counter already knew my order in his sleep: a double helping of chocolatevanilla, in a waffle cone (the larger sized one), smothered in enough cookie crumbs that you could dig your whole hand into them, and then bathed in hot chocolate fudge, while most of my friends sullenly counted the calories of their fruit smoothies. And, get this, I never ever had to go on that despicable thing that starts with the letters d-i-e. Never, like not even for my own wedding. On the contrary, the woman at the bridal salon sensitively suggested that adding some extra padding around the waist would make me look healthier.

Alas, it seems the ayin hara caught up with me. And now, oh do I know about the weight-loss parashah. Let me tell you, it’s a tough place to be in. I don’t think Rebbetzins like you even understand what I mean, but I’ll try to explain. Imagine depriving yourself of all your favorite foods all day, living on dry, dull, tasteless excuses for food all day long, and then, when you step on the scale the next morning, you’re lucky to see a .2-pound loss. Yay, so nice.

But here comes the hardest part. It seems the ayin hara only chases after the womenfolk. My husband, bless him, totally parties away while I sit on the side, pretending to enjoy my arugula.

Sometimes I think I could munch on cardboard for that money.

And most important of all, what should my goal be? It feels so vain to be focused on retrieving my pre-baby size—I’m so grateful to be at this stage, baruch Hashem, but, on the other hand, not doing so forces me to run in to so many other issues, many of them halachic in nature. Magically shortened skirt lengths and hugging tops, for example. Complete and total havoc in the berachos department. I mean, when exactly do I bentch if I keep on chomping non-stop? And jealousy, so much jealousy. This is such a mess!

I’m hoping that with your binah yeseirah, you will be able to offer some much-needed clarity regarding my very troubling circumstances.

Looking forward to your words of wisdom and consolation, Tikvah, Missing the Olden Days

32

WELLSPRING / FEBRUARY 2023

Dear Tikvah who's missing the olden days, First, a special thanks for your kind words.

They really aren’t necessary but being that you already took the time and toil to express them so eloquently, it is only menschlich that I acknowledge your recognition of my immense wisdom, with which I humbly concur.

With your permission, allow me to answer your sensible, insightful question in three parts.

Part I As with every other profound topic in life, the question we must ask ourselves is this: What is the growth we want to achieve here? True, you think you’re tzibruchen about your horizontal growth, but what’s really bothering you at your core—and you know this, Tikvah, because you’re part of such a wonderful, shteiging kehillah—is your spiritual growth. Deep down, you don’t really care about your size. “Sheker hachein vehevel hayofi,” the wisest of all men teaches. There’s nothing truer than that. I have no doubt that your worry is, in essence, about all those berachos you’re not making with kavanah, those simchas chosson vekallah opportunities you’re missing out on because your entire closet is splayed out on your bed and there’s still nothing to wear, and other such lofty goals you are prevented from achieving.

That’s true pain, Tikvah. True pain.

I will let you in on a secret. Train your eye to focus on the goal of spiritual growth, and something incredible will happen: the other stuff won’t matter anymore. That .2-pound weight loss? You won’t even notice it because your scale will be collecting dust under all the self-help books you’ll be devouring. With your eye on spiritual growth, you won’t care that much if you’re caught buying a new wardrobe in your new balabatish size, and you’ll confidently go for that pink floral two-piece even if the saleswoman kindly offers to check if she has it in black.

Who cares? You’ll do you.

But beware: once you’ve elevated yourself to such great heights, Twizzlers won’t taste all that good anymore. It may sound like a double-sided sword, but I see it as the golden middle: enjoy your food without guilt, and then whatever happens, you take in stride as well.

Part II I’d like to introduce you to a concept that has many esoteric layers, but it’s one worth exploring so you can have your cake and eat it too. You may want to discuss this

more with your ben Torah husband, who might decide to try it too. I suspect it’ll help out with that jealousy issue of yours.

Have you ever heard of the concept of oneg Shabbos veYom Tov? It’s quite a complex subject, but for those who manage to get it right, the benefits are manifold.

Here’s how it works. You already know that calories on Shabbos and Yom Tov don’t count, right? That’s a no-brainer. You’re feeding the neshamah yeseirah with all those mataamim. But here’s where it gets really exciting.

Any food you eat that was intended for these special days is included in the no-calories policy. Yes, yes, you read right. And so, dear Tikvah, there’s no better time than now to start improving your Shabbos prep policy. Why start whipping up your famous chocolate cake half an hour before the zeman (no, I didn’t plant a hidden camera in your house), when you can get a head start on Tuesday, or better yet, Monday? No worries, if a craving attack hits on Motzaei Shabbos or Sunday, don’t forget you still have the Shabbos leftovers on the counter. With this mehalech, you’re all covered for the week, plus the zechusim you amass will facilitate spiritual growth as well, so whatever calories you do sneak will become irrelevant. (Refer to Part I for the explanation.)

Part III There’s this profound saying I often repeat at my Shabbos shiur. (Come to think of it, when were you there last?

If this has anything to do with the magically shortened skirts in your closet, we have a special fund to help women in matzavim like yours so they can start to enjoy life again.

Please reach out to me for more details.) The saying goes like this: “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.”

How, you may wonder, can you take something as difficult and bitter as your situation and turn it into something refreshing and pleasant? Here’s how. Just look at your name, Tikvah, the embodiment of hope! You, Tikvah, have the capacity to keep hoping and praying for a miracle! What the miracle will be remains to be seen. Perhaps, in the spirit of venahafoch hu, you and your husband will switch places (in which case I’ll have to teach you how to deal with a spouse who’s growing, but not in the way you want).

Perhaps the miracle will be that the bayamim haheim will return. When that happens, you’ll be the object of envy once again, but this time, for your expanding waistline.

And when you celebrate in the ice cream store, make sure your waffle cone is smothered in enough cookie crumbs that you can dig two whole hands into them. It’ll be oneg Yom Tov after all. *Some say this is an acronym for Self-Appointed Saint.

Others admit that the name in and of itself evokes awe and reverence for card-carrying members who’ve reached the chronological milestone that grants them permission to sport footwear of this venerable brand.

WELLSPRING / ADAR 5783

33

COVER FEATURE

Are You

Nuts? tering expert at sh h t r ea y el iv at Innov ent—from m p o el ev d d il h c n o advice o the other t m u r t ec sp e h t f o one end st once a ju ’s im r u P se u a ec b (and then, son in between) ea r f o e ic o v e h t , r yea

Sury Engel, COTA /L

34

WELLSPRING / MARCH 2023

WELLSPRING / ADAR 5783

35

COVER FEATURE

e m i T y m m u T

Novice mom here and I ne ed all the wise advice I can get. Okay, so what’s the deal on tummy time, which some deem cr itical and others react to with intense eyeb all rolling?

Take It Easy I never allow my baby to spend time on her tummy because I want to prevent her from having to strain herself at all. She’ll have enough challenges later in life; I’ll save her workout for the gym when she’s fighting her baby flab.

Dear Darling spends her day securely nestled in her bouncer, swing, or stroller. I’ve even removed any hanging toys from her range of vision so she won’t attempt to reach out with those tiny frail arms and thereby risk fatigue. If she ever rolls over and risks lifting her head, thereby exerting her neck muscles, an installed microchip alerts me, and—devoted mother that I am—I’m there within three seconds to rescue her from any and all exertion. Another device I wear vibrates every time Darling’s gaze fixates on a toy so I can immediately bring it closer to her for further comfortable inspection.

Mealtimes have become a little challenging since she started expressing interest in the foods I eat, which can no longer be fed in an inclined position, so I now have reverted to a puréed foods diet for the entire family. (Yes, I’m selfless like that.) But no worries, blended medium-rare steak is surprisingly edible. My heart bleeds for these hapless innocent souls put to the grind prematurely by their slave-driver mothers in the form of torturous Pilates-like body-sculpting positions such as prone on their stomachs.

Some moms in the park judge me just by the fact that my 17-month-old has difficulty sitting independently in the swing and I sense their astonished gaze as I set her up with bolsters and supports for the ride.

No one said parenting is easy.

36

WELLSPRING / MARCH 2023

Belly Down, Hands Down My newborn has just spent a few months having his every whim catered to, and the time has come for him to start preparing for the real world. Gone are those coddling moments. I’m motivated to set him up for success, and I will sacrifice my time and energy toward that goal. I’ve read all the articles, reviewed all the research, and interviewed professionals worldwide in the field of baby development.

The consensus is unanimous: tummy time is crucial for baby’s development. I have therefore taken an oath to ensure I take full advantage of the crucial first year. My little macho man has never felt the plush comfort of a mattress under his head; I ensure he is always belly down for optimal muscle strengthening.

I have not cooked supper in months since I spend all his waking hours on the floor with him to encourage his progress. (I keep my phone charged near the floor to have easy access to takeout ordering.) All entertainment happens on the floor. I’ve temporarily moved my dining room set to storage and replaced it with oversized pillows and a large coffee table.

My guests hardly complain. Diaper time did prove to be a challenge in the prone position, but I developed a unique changing table with a gap in middle for easy access from underneath.

It is now patent pending.

Voice of reason, in a nutshell Because just laughter itself won’t our kids raise.

As part of healthy development babies should experience the full range of positions to develop body awareness, strengthening, and visual development through all fields. Babies are instinctively motivated to jump from milestone to milestone until they can finally join the big people walking around on two feet and seeing the world from that view. Take advantage of your baby’s wake windows to encourage tummy time; getting down on the floor with them is an entertaining way to keep them motivated. (If you can designate your toddler for that job, even better, provided he is aware of the basic safety rules. Like, even if Perler beads fit perfectly in the nostrils, that’s not where they belong.) Life happens, and in those real-life moments, take advantage of a safe surface for baby to rest on while you dump pasta and water and tomato sauce and cheese in a pan and grab a moment to say a prayer for success, or call to order a takeout meal, whichever happens first.

WELLSPRING / ADAR 5783

37

COVER FEATURE

e l u d e h c S p e e l S Aaarggh…sleep. Why do we even need it? But until we don’t, what’s your ex pert take on the subject that has plagued us with too much exhaustion?

Structure is Everything Mazel tov, it’s a girl! Within five minutes of birth (9:13 a.m.), I updated the Excel sheet I’d set up in advance with half-hour slots (I tweaked the first entry and gave myself 17 minutes leeway to bump it to 9:30) to coordinate DD’s daily schedule. I was ecstatic to finally put into practice my very own program called “The Baby Timed Machine,” which I developed and tweaked according to our needs after reading all the library’s books on the topic, signing up for four classes, and hiring a few prenatal sleep coaches (surprisingly hard to find!). I had to sift through a lot of useless information I was sure were hurdles I would never encounter. Four-month sleep regression? Um, with my intervention, my baby would not have to endure that. Growth spurts requiring additional feedings?

Growth is linear, according to one research paper from the 1900s, and any infant following “The Baby the Timed Machine” will obviously follow that trajectory.

I’ll gladly share the foundations of my course in a nutshell for those floundering moms who need the support of a structured schedule to swim and not sink.

Each 24-hour period is divided into 48 slots with 65 percent of those periods divided by 45 percent of the child’s weight multiplied by the child’s age in days, to the square root of 4 (and my classmates still complained that we would never need math in the real world!) and assigned to sleep. The remaining time is equally divided between play (a weekly schedule is provided to take the guesswork out of deciding which activity to allocate to each slot), feeding, and bath time.

Babies are to be settled into an empty crib (sans sheet: if blankets are a hazard, sheets may be too) when five-eighths asleep and 75 percent fed. Exceptions are limited to Seder night, and, only for a boy, Kol Hanearim. Sorry, siblings’ weddings do not qualify—skip ’em if you must.

For the full learning experience, sign up to my course, which includes a threeyear, once a week, four-hour live class, bi-weekly 24-hour on-site supervision provided by myself or one of the coaches I will train, and limited access to the founder (myself) for Q&A (dependent on baby’s nap time).

Quick check-in on the time and my baby: help! It’s 10:37 and she’s been sleeping seven minutes too long! Do I wake her? Let her sleep and suffer from this inconsistency until she gets on the bus for her first day of nursery? Where is my sleep coach when I need her?!

38

WELLSPRING / MARCH 2023

Roll With the Punches Baruch Hashem, my fourth set of healthy twin boys just joined the family, and their six older siblings are ecstatic! I hear preparations are underway at home to welcome the new babies to the gang. Tiny matching onesies are being lugged out of storage, the newborn double carriage is getting a washing down, and cribs are being reassembled. In my postpartum state, I can’t muster the wherewithal to confront the family with the stark reality that we already have enough laundry dumping grounds and don’t need to add two more oversized hampers to the mix.

Crib to laundry? Yes, I am okay, and the epidural has worn off.

For the past nine years, since the night my first set of twins came home from the hospital, not one of my babies has spent a night in that glorified cage. I have vivid memories of that awful, nightmare-inducing evening. My mother-in-law, bless her—she meant well—gifted us with the latest in baby cribs trending at the time (natural wood, oversized) and even included a set of personalized linen (of which I did later utilize the pillowcases as an identifying feature to differentiate between the babies in those hazier moments).

Upon entering their home for the first time, I gently placed Baby A into his abode, with a hammering heart and clammy hands. He squirmed. Without allowing space for my thoughts and feelings to fester, I repeated the process with Baby B, hands trembling, sweat dripping off my brow. He had quicker reflexes than his brother and immediately began screaming. Baby A joined the chorus, and Mom harmonized with a soprano tone of hysteria. Dad entered and settled the babies into their stroller for a rocking session, Mom into bed to recover from the trauma of the past moment, and the cribs became storage vats for the onslaught of gifts.

Days and nights blurred into each other as mouths were fed (and double fed on more occasions than I’m willing to admit), walks around the block happened at all hours of the day and night (I learned that there really are tzaddikim who wake up at 3:00 a.m. living on my block), and I developed extra muscle mass on my right shoulder from incessant stroller rocking. We even drove to Montreal and back on one memorable Motzai Simchas Torah when the accumulated late nights and nosh pekelech impeded any possibility of tiredness in all—except the driver.

Fast-forward a few years. I will share the schedule that has become the routine in our home: none. The only nonnegotiable time-bound occurrence in our home is the bus. At 8:23 a.m., all single-digit-aged family members must be at the curb, and any wake-up calculations are based on that time depending on how long each child requires to get dressed and run. Food is available round the clock in the fridge and pantry on a help-yourself basis. When the stomach grumbles are too loud and interfere with play time, a meal is prepared on an individual basis. Once a child reaches the point of boredom, he heads for bed.

My bed has developed “omdim tzafufim umishtachavim revachim” vibes as it stretches to accommodate additional siblings throughout the years who come keep Mommy company to prevent any possibility of, shudder, loneliness.

Before I retire for the night, I do a headcount and retrieve any little ones who dropped off to sleep in various locations around the house (the sofa and coat closets are hot spots).

Life is less stressful that way, and the kids are happy, usually.

Help! My son just called from camp. It’s his first night there and he’s not managing. They just announced that there’s a curfew and what does that mean and how to prepare for it and how long does a shower usually take? Do I have time to drive up there and help him before my husband comes to fetch me from the hospital?

Voice of reason, in a nutshell Babies rely on their caregivers for all their needs, which include consistency and reliability. Caregivers should respond to all Baby’s cues, especially those of newborns, who are particularly vulnerable. Look out for hunger cues such as turning to the side with an open mouth, starting to suck on their fingers, and whimpering; and tiredness cues such as rubbing eyes, slight whimpering, and a bored glaze. Responsiveness builds emotional connection, which then gives way to future independence.

Remember not to get too caught up with the clock (just imagine your husband reminding you that you ate supper earlier just as you sit down to a midnight crave meal of chocolate chip ice cream with a side of barbecue chips). Reach out for coaching if Baby, you, or your family are negatively impacted by lack of consistency in routine, as there are many stress-free methods out there that can help you find the right balance.

WELLSPRING / ADAR 5783

39

COVER FEATURE

Solids

Mother’s milk or formula is only good for so long. W hen’s a good time to introduce babies to the “real world ?”

No Rush Since the beginning of my pregnancy, I’ve been super vigilant about my environment. I moved to the countryside to avoid pollution, refrained from using a cell phone, never used a microwave, and didn’t set foot within 30 yards of a dentist office to be protected from X-rays. The biggest challenge has been monitoring my food intake, sugar and white flour being the obvious devils. I refused to enter any pizza store that sells sushi because of its inherent dangers. My vegetables and fruits were all nonGMO and organic and scheduled to ensure I had 1–2 servings of each color, each day, for optimal vitamin intake. I arranged monthly orders of imported proteins, such as eggs, chicken, and meat from Uruguay, where protocols for hormone-free, cagefree, antibiotic-free livestock is more strictly regulated.

Now that, baruch Hashem, my baby was born in perfect health, I am committed to continuing to raise her on the path of healthy nutrition. First, I have vowed to exclusively nurse her until she reaches age two. I will provide a consent form to be signed by any family member who will interact with her (my mother-in-law may be required to have supervised visitation as she has been observed feeding her newborn grandchildren butter dipped in brown sugar when they look hungry, tired, or weak). I have developed a feeding plan in collaboration with a speech therapist, feeding specialist, and child nutritionist, which will be implemented as soon as she is ready to begin solids. Each stage is divided into two-week periods with a oneweek evaluation to give her digestive system a chance to adjust and to observe for any adverse reactions. Beginning with liquids (carrot juice), fine purée (thrice blended and strained carrots), mushy purée (carrots blended with an immersion blender), chunks (carrots mashed with a fork), and then cubes (sliced cooked carrots, cut in half to prevent choking), by the time she reaches age four, she will finally be on target for raw carrot sticks.

40

WELLSPRING / MARCH 2023

Get It Moving!

I’m in awe of the wonderful digestive system Hashem has granted us and the immune support it provides, from the enzymes in the saliva that break down germs to the small and large intestines and all the powerful chemicals employed there. With this full confidence in niflaos haBoreh, I rely on the internal sterilization system intrinsic to my kids’ bodies to conquer any of the bad guys they ingest. Wary of wasting an iota of these powerful chemicals, I avoid rinsing fallen pacis. I’m sure my son can do equal justice to a spear of Bamba and Bissli as a chunk of banana; I can personally attest to the strength of his gnawing gums as he chews vicariously on my fingers when he’s teething. His diet is supplemented with formula, of which the list of ingredients is so long, I’m positive it includes all required vitamins and minerals and enzymes and probably homeopathic supplements too. Any excess sugar ingested that his body doesn’t need is burned off during his playground sprints, and fat stored in the generous flabs and rolls he proudly sports are pinching grounds for the adoring grandparents.

I’m doing my part in raising a strong and hardy child who will be able to handle and fight the common cold— and all illness—with resilience.

Voice of reason, in a nutshell Once babies start on solids, until they reach 12 months, food is mainly an exploration activity and should not serve as their main nutrition. This is a wonderful time to utilize as a foundation to encourage trying different textures and flavors. Therefore, don’t be stressed about portion size (defined by what makes it into baby’s mouth—floors and walls are not included) and schedules. While your baby will enjoy his own portions of age-appropriate soft and puréed foods, do include your baby in your meals as much as possible by seating him nearby and safely sharing some tastes and textures from your plate.

WELLSPRING / ADAR 5783

41

COVER FEATURE

playtime What type of entertainm ent should I be providing for my little on e so she gets to explore the world and ha ve some fun too?

42

WELLSPRING / MARCH 2023

never a Dull Moment “All I need to know in life I learned in kindergarten” as the adage goes.

Why wait until kindergarten? Play is the foundation for social, emotional, cognitive, and spiritual (why not?) development. The precious moments from newborn to age five should be strictly utilized for functional and child-oriented play. Each toy I purchase, and those listed on my gift registry, have been carefully researched, triple-tested by researchers in a range of ages and professions, cataloged by skill type, and lab tested for lead and BPA elements (does anyone know what that stands for?). I constructed a poster board calendar from birth to 60 months, divided by week. Within a seven-day span, each of the following skills are targeted: eye-hand coordination, gross motor milestones, pre-handwriting skills, math foundations, social rules such as turn taking and losing gracefully (I have calculated the amount of times per week DD will be allowed to win to prevent an inflated ego while sustaining her delicate morale).

My daughter has never wasted time in a mind-numbing playground swing, except for when we covered the concepts of “back and forth” on the grammar curriculum.

She is now 18.4 months old and can spell her name (Esty has been abbreviated to ST until she reaches 28.5 months old), communicate a vocabulary of 18 words using sign language, and is extremely popular with her peers. Play is serious work around here.

Toys Lurk Everwhere Having grown up in a low socioeconomic environment (until the year 2000, it was called poor), we had limited access to interactive playthings of the store-bought variety.

The street was our toy store, the yard our playroom, the neighbors who were done with their chores our playmates.

We did not have the luxury of being bored of an activity as there was no other option, and we never got into arguments or cliques as we lived in quarters too close to comfortably maintain a fight.

Thankfully, in raising my own family, I can afford to purchase toys, but I wish for my children to experience the creativity I grew up with. I pledged never to purchase a mass-manufactured plastic contraption limited to one activity. My playroom is a hub of open shelves proudly bearing various sized deli containers, tissue boxes and paper towel rolls, out-of-use keys, and a huge basket of out-of-style clothes for dress up.

Spices are currently the hottest item among the toddlers.

My local grocer thinks I run a catering business since I replenish my paprika stock once a week. (Black pepper lost its appeal pretty quickly.) My three-year-old has become buddies with the colony of ants in the yard, though he tried befriending some mosquitoes and frogs with minimal success.

I stopped sorting cutlery into their appropriate divider years ago; another favorite plaything for the little ones aged 1–3. The lower kitchen cabinets are completely child proofed, emptied of anything sharp, glass, and fragile.

Dresser drawers and shelves within child’s reach contain no expensive clothing, belts, or tights that may present as a choking hazard. Instead, they are filled with a jumble of socks to encourage matching skills (most do not actually have a pair due to the sock-eating monster living in the dryer lint drawer; my children usually catch on by ages 4–5).

Success is evident by the fact that my children are always busy going off to playdates, which may or may not have to do with the fact that they beg their friends to invite them.

I can’t imagine how stressful it must be for them at their friends’ houses to decide which of the uniformly labeled containers to pull out of the neatly categorized (read: boring) customized closet, follow the one-toy-at-a-time rule, and then dutifully pack it away in the assigned space.

Voice of reason, in a nutshell Babies and children are naturally curious and love to imitate in order to learn. This is why they are often attracted to toys that imitate real-life scenarios, including play kitchens and cleaning supplies. They will easily bore of repetitive toys that inhibit creativity. Limit exposure to toys featuring loud noises and bright flashing lights for babies as these can be a source of sensory overload. With your balanced input, you will be’ezras Hashem raise a well-adjusted, sociable and healthy child.

WELLSPRING / ADAR 5783

43

SAMPLE

SAMPLE

By Libby Silberman

44

WELLSPRING / MARCH 2023

Dress Up “Costumes are so much better than clothes. They’re like drugs; they change your personality.”

I saw this quote in the costumes section of a department store in New York City, and while I thought it was real fun marketing, I disagreed slightly. Clothing is equally potent, except you generally dress in a way that resonates with who you are, so it doesn’t “drug” you.

As I scanned the costumes (never too early to think of Purim, especially at 40 percent off), I noticed another quote: “Take care of your costume and your confidence will take care of itself.”

I pondered the exquisite truth of these lines, contemplating to what extent our everyday clothes impact us.

We all have our pajama days, in which we may or may not actually wear pajamas, but we don’t pull ourselves together properly. The rest of the day follows suit—we somehow grow lethargic and moody, even if we slept in.

On the flip side, the days on which we take the extra few minutes to dress nicely, even if we’re planning on staying in all day, are arguably more productive and happier. We’re sending our body a message: “Today is an important day”—whether we’ve got beds to make, floors to sweep, dinner to cook, or multimillion-dollar meetings lined up. We can fool ourselves like that.

I thought how my own children would behave in various costumes: wild in a lion costume, hyper in clown attire, dainty and soft-spoken in a gauzy ballerina getup, and grandmotherly and loving in a gray curly wig, knitted cape, and cane. Uh, huh.

Intrigued, I did further research on the topic in search of hardcore scientific evidence. My online search was disappointing, mostly yielding results from clothing brands and fashion bloggers. Rather not reputable, if you ask me, because of course they would run articles on the importance of dressing well and the impact on our wellbeing and self-confidence, yada, yada. I let the topic percolate. I wasn’t going to buy their biased baloney.

The answer came unexpectedly while I was sitting in my weekly parenting class. “Chitzoniyus meoreres es hapnimiyus,” the teacher explained. Our external (action, clothing) impacts how we feel inside. Here was the Torah’s answer to the question that had been sitting on my mind.

To drive the point home, I did a quick, fun Sample to test this idea. After seeking a Sample lab host, I hit the perfect spot. My good friend Mindy works in an all-women real estate management office where, in her words, “There’s not much pressure to dress up.”

Their office is largely backend; they hardly meet clients. They do phone calls, emails, bookkeeping, billing, vendor management, and other tasks that rarely involve face-to-face interaction. One of the women in the office sometimes comes to work in a tichel because she finds her wig uncomfortable. They have plenty of days with no makeup or jewelry, in casual tops or hoodies.

After some lengthy discussion, Mindy came aboard and agreed to help conduct the experiment, provided that her manager and coworkers were willing to join as well. Yay!

WELLSPRING / ADAR 5783

45

SAMPLE

46

WELLSPRING / MARCH 2023

The Theory Clothes make the man: how we feel about ourselves, how we conduct ourselves, and our level of productivity.

There’s actually a sophisticated term for that: “dopamine dressing.” This theory posits that a person’s choice of clothing impacts their happiness level and suggests that when we wake up feeling low, dressing properly can help improve our mood.

So, from this perspective, is it worth the time and brain space to pay attention to our dress?

The Experiment The 11 female employees at Mindy’s office are glad for a change in pace, something exciting during the long winter stretch, and they agree to join the challenge. Naturally, the promise of appearing in these pages is appealing as well, so we’re good.

Of course, their confidentiality is assured a million percent. So, don’t go guessing who they may be, okay?

The participants will be dressing up for the duration of one week, Monday through Friday.

On Friday, they will report how this challenge impacted their mental health, emotional wellbeing, and their productivity levels.

WELLSPRING / ADAR 5783

47

SAMPLE

How It Went Over First, the Samples share what it’s like to work all day every day, among the same 11 people who know each other well enough that there’s no “need” to get all dressed up. By and large, they love the camaraderie and office atmosphere as is. Still, most Samples shared that although they are usually under no pressure to dress up, taking the time and effort to do so had a positive impact on their productivity and mood. In actuality, it’s probably less of a time issue and more of a mindset: you’re anyway throwing on some kind of clothes in the morning, so why not choose ones that are more presentable and classy to achieve a certain vibe? While the results were individual for each Sample, the overall consensus was that yes, clothes do make the man or—perhaps even more so—the woman.

Here are some of the emailed reports I received at the end of the challenge.

Mali For a while now, I’ve been struggling to balance my work and family life, with a newborn(ish) and toddler. I’ve been dreaming of doing some hours at home so I could be there in case one of my kids were sick or I just felt like going back to sleep. I knew this was a no-go with my boss—he doesn’t like or allow working from home. He even kept the office running during COVID, closing it only when he absolutely had to.

However, it’s been getting harder to keep up with my life. I’ve been frequently asking my husband to stay home from kollel to babysit, which I really don’t like to do. I always feel like I’m rushing, rushing, rushing, never quite reaching the end of my tail. I panic every time my baby is up through the night, wondering how in the world I’ll function the next day at work. I’ve been dreaming of doing my work when my kids go to sleep, as early as 6:30 PM. This week, all dressed up with good makeup and a nicely ironed skirt, I suddenly just gathered my confidence and approached Hadassa (the office manager/almost-boss) about this. I presented my question eloquently, if I may say so myself. Hadassa listened and didn’t immediately brush me off, as I feared she would. She promised to discuss this with my boss, her husband. I’m feeling elated that I actually opened my mouth! I’m the last person on the planet to speak up for myself. Whether or not this works out, I’m so proud of myself that I took this step.

In general, I felt a newfound respect from the higher-ups in the office. I can pull myself together! Totally worth the extra five minutes in the (harried, crazy, chaotic) morning.

My results: It works, it works, it works!

48

WELLSPRING / MARCH 2023

Mindy This challenge worked out beautifully. Libby asked me about it, and I thought it could really succeed. I presented the idea to Hadassa, and she gave me the go-ahead to try it in the office.

While I generally get dressed properly each morning, not everyone in the office seems to care that much. It’s not unusual to spot a snood or two on rainy days, and for some, makeup equals “special occasion.” It really irks me when people treat the office like their living room, showing up in crocs or long slinky skirts. It simply gives the place a sloppy vibe. I sometimes want to tell some of my coworkers, “Come on, get your act together!” (No worries, I love them too much to talk this way.)

I also want to mention that if I’d have to get dressed nicely every day but wouldn’t receive feedback, I wouldn’t be motivated to do so. For example, if I worked from home, I can’t say I’d get dressed every day. It wouldn’t feel “worth it.” It takes real effort to dress properly, and I need the feedback that my effort is noticed and appreciated.

In terms of productivity and feeling better with myself when dressed nicely, I strongly agree that dress has a direct and strong influence on the way people conduct themselves and work.

I loved watching how some of my less-put-together colleagues executed the challenge. One of them stopped off in a discounted chain store after work to pick up some nice cardigans in honor of the challenge and I found it amusing to see what “getting dressed properly” means to everyone. Even if what this coworker calls “dressed” wouldn’t qualify even as home-clothes for me, it was obvious she felt good about herself and we all felt positive and energetic vibes from her during through the week.

My results: Loved it and holding onto this.

Sara Rachel This was a fun challenge! I’m a relaxed, happy soul and having to get dressed every day with makeup and jewelry for the same group of people whom I don’t necessarily feel the need to impress was a bit much for me. I went with it good-naturedly, wearing proper shoes and a good sheitel. However, I don’t feel like upgrading my wardrobe or pressuring myself into looking good every single morning when I’m speeding out the door.

This definitely somewhat improved my productivity and the way I felt about myself, but I actually like being comfortable (lazy, if you prefer).

If you want my honest take, I’d say this might work well for those in a higher position. Personally, I get paid by the hour and I don’t fret about how much work gets done. I work quickly and efficiently anyway, in my opinion, and while dressing up felt nice, it did not significantly improve my overall productivity levels.

My results: Fun to try, but not a keeper.

Hadassa This challenge was totally my thing.

I serve as office manager, overseeing all aspects of the office, including hiring, assigning tasks, and salaries. Now, this doesn’t come easily to me. My husband owns the company, and another woman has been running the office for years. (He himself works at a different location with two male employees.) At some point, things got a little sticky with the manager so he asked me to step in and take over the reins so he wouldn’t need to have so much contact with the women’s office. It was a hard step, especially since I had zero prior office experience and was coming from stay-at-home-mom life. I learned a lot on the job and from my husband’s training, but most of the time, I feel like a fraud.

Therefore, I take great care to dress neatly and to appear put-together. When I look good, I genuinely feel the confidence to exercise authority over the other employees, and I can project my best air when speaking to vendors, clients, and field employees.

I once actually canceled an office meeting when I noticed a horrid run in my tights.

I felt so uncomfortable and knew I couldn’t effectively conduct the meeting that day.

Mindy ran the idea of trying this challenge in the office by me and I loved it immediately. I long suspected and sort of knew there was a direct connection between dress code and performance, but hearing the psychological science behind it from Mindy nailed it for me. I wanted everyone else to feel the magic too. No offense to anyone who likes to dress down, but I can feel a certain lethargy or lackadaisical energy in the office from certain employees who are practically in loungewear. They look and act like they’d rather be on their recliners at home with a magazine and coffee.

I went all in for this challenge, taking extra care to pull myself together well. I fixed up my sheitel and de-pilled a cardigan. I finally picked up a new everyday black midi and got rid of my current skirt that had served me long enough.

Here’s how it impacted me: I felt relaxed, good looking, and confident. I was able to reach out to a certain company’s sales rep with whom I had been too intimidated to connect and had this amazing conversation in which we semi-closed on a contract between the two companies—something I had doubted they would be interested in. I managed to have a meeting with an employee regarding her less-than-stellar performance, something I hadn’t had the confidence to do and I’d been pushing off for a few months already.

An employee came over to discuss cutting her work hours and working from home in the evening, and I was pleasantly surprised that she had the confidence to bring this up. Everyone knows my husband really dislikes the concept of remote work, but she tried her luck anyway. Whether or not we will agree remains to be seen, but the fact that she was able to make the request may well because she applied herself to the challenge and “dressed the part.”

Overall, I simply didn’t feel needy myself. I was able to slip into the role of the authority in the room.

I felt a great energy in the office, but I know not everyone could pull off putting in the extra effort to look good every day, so I won’t count on major change.

My results: This works.

Etty This challenge was lots of fun, but also stressful. I have to be in the office at 9:15 AM after sending my kids off to school and dropping off the baby at the sitter. Having the headspace to also apply makeup and jewelry was asking a bit much, but for this one week, I made it my business to do it.

I prepped my clothing and accessories the night before to streamline my mornings, which helped a lot. I found a nice Chanel scarf I bought on sale two years ago and started wearing it as a dressy wintery accessory.

My results: I felt myself coming to life, like I was doing a better job at leaving “mom life” at home and becoming the employee that I am.

I was able to snap out of morning mode much faster than ever. I think I got more work done and overall felt a greater air of productivity and professionalism in the office.

WELLSPRING / ADAR 5783

49

SAMPLE

50

WELLSPRING / MARCH 2023

Do the “masks” we wear impact how we feel?

A glimpse at the science behind facial expressions In Nature Human Behavior, a peer-reviewed scientific journal on human behavior, social science experts discuss how we are impacted by facial expressions. The facial feedback theory states that the physical act of smiling helps a person feel better. When we smile, our brain releases neuropeptides, which help fight off stress. Other neurotransmitters are released as well, including dopamine, serotonin, and endorphins; you may have heard of these “happy” hormones and have read about them in these pages.

So, while you tend to smile when you’re happy, it actually works the other way as well.

However, most researchers agree that the influence a smile has on emotions is modest at best, so don’t rely on your smile alone to get you grinning inside. Practicing gratitude and developing a positive mindset can be more even more effective.

The Parenting Connection Here’s how this topic came up in our parenting class.

On the subject of creating a positive atmosphere at home, a class participant asked what a mother is to do when she simply isn’t in the mood of caring for her children. Is there any use in pretending when children could feel exactly what Mommy’s thinking? “Chitzoniyus meoreres es hapnimiyus,” was the teacher’s response. Do the steps externally and watch how that impacts you inside. The results of this Sample are proof that this works.

WELLSPRING / ADAR 5783

51

CUP OF TEA

52

WELLSPRING / FEBRUARY 2023

Cup of Tea with

Sheindy Unger, CDC Sheindy Unger, CDC

OCCUPATION: Weight Loss Coach LOCATION: Brooklyn, New York YEARS IN FIELD: 5 PASSION: Helping women approach weight loss with a healthy mindset.

SHE WISHES PEOPLE WOULD KNOW THAT: Reaching an ideal weight is not a superficial or vain goal; being conscious about our food intake contributes to our wellbeing on every level.

By Libby Kasten WELLSPRING / ADAR 5783

53

A CUP OF TEA

As Brooklyn-based Sheindy Unger embraced the joys and noise of motherhood, she couldn’t help but notice the excess weight gain that accompanied the berachah of each new baby.

In her effort to lose the pounds that had accumulated, she tried following one program after another. However, she found them overwhelming and discouraging because, with her hearty appetite, it was difficult to stay away from cakes and cookies, and she was also aware that eating less compromised her ability to keep her baby well-fed.

Later on, as her family expanded, and with it, her values, Sheindy’s dieting mindset developed into something a lot deeper and more meaningful than just her appearance.

“I realized that I wanted to change my lifestyle because I wanted to live to my fullest potential and give my family my all,” Sheindy admits. “I noticed very directly how junk food weighed me down, and I didn’t want my food intake to compromise my energy levels and performance.”

The mindset, as Sheindy explains, is what makes all the difference. When we make a commitment based on a deep value—from a place of valuing our health and quality of life—it is so much stronger and easier to sustain.

“Because values override logic and emotions, they are the most powerful tool in making choices. When we do something for external reasons, like looking good, the struggle to stick to the program is that much greater, as opposed to when the decision emanates from a place of value.”

Often, other priorities like family and housekeeping will override the importance of eating right. “But,” notes Sheindy, “that’s only the case if we’re not fully aware that our health is our most important asset. When we’re sick, we can’t fulfill any of our other priorities, and everything is put on hold. Nothing can override the importance of good health, and therefore, it’s from a deep place of want-

54

WELLSPRING / MARCH 2023

ing to live a healthy life that a long-term commitment can originate.”

With this information in mind, Sheindy embraced a new health-forward lifestyle. Before long, friends and family were commenting on her significant weight loss that came along as part of the deal. While Sheindy was grateful for that, she realized she’d acquired so much more. “It meant so much to me to have the strength, energy, and positivity to raise my children fully—an incredible benefit of leading a healthy, structured lifestyle.”

Interestingly, Sheindy points out, she had not previously appreciated the taste of natural foods. However, she explains, once one starts to opt for natural foods, the taste buds gradually readjust and reacquire an appreciation for them. Today, she reportedly enjoys the taste of wholesome foods way more than the junk food she ditched. Many of the women she works with report having the same experience.

Emotional Overeating Sheindy’s experience, both in her own journey and those of her clients, is that as much as emotional eating is subconscious, everything we do is rooted in our priorities. When the mindset of valuing and appreciating our health is developed, our eating habits change organically.

The proof Sheindy offers for this is that after a person is warned by a doctor that they are at risk for diabetes or heart disease, they will usually control their intake—until the fear wears off.

clear the prevailing confusion about weight management and help others in their struggle. Thus, she registered for a nutrition course, and received certification from Arizona College in 2018.

As with any talent or skill, this mindset requires honing, practicing, and patience in order to develop into a deep, meaningful reality. The more our brain is occupied with the importance of our health, the more strength we have over our food choices, and the more natural and effortless the right choice becomes.

Soon after stepping into her role as a weight loss coach, the feedback she received from family and friends, whom she initially coached free of charge, proved the effectiveness of her approach.

“There’s a lot of confusion around weight loss,” Sheindy muses. “Many people eat ‘diet foods’ such as granola bars and muffins, but these foods can actually hinder their progress as they contain ingredients that don’t promote digestive health.”

The goal, as she puts it, is to take a good look at the quality of the foods we’re feeding our body. Since processed foods override satiety cues, cutting them out often combats emotional eating, too.

Relief, Renewal, and Recipes Once Sheindy started to realize that lack of success with weight loss—which she and too many others had thought was inevitable—actually didn’t have to be that way, she wanted to share her newfound knowledge. She hoped to

“One of my first clients said she had tried every weight loss program over the years, and still she always struggled,” Sheindy relates. “On the program I offered, she looked and felt better than ever, and she didn’t even feel like she was on a depriving diet. I received many calls from people who know her asking me, ‘What did you do to her? She looks so amazing!’”

When this kind of response kept coming from the many women who tried her program, Sheindy recognized the demand for this healthy and effective approach. “It was something the community was looking for and excited about, and being able to help people in such a real way was both meaningful and gratifying.”

By looking at the entire person, the program has baruch Hashem seen success.

“Weight isn’t an independent factor,” she explains. “We can’t just take weight and address it, ignoring the rest of

WELLSPRING / ADAR 5783

55

CUP OF TEA

the body. It is interrelated with every other system, so when we force weight loss, we’re usually ignoring something else. Other symptoms, such as constipation, low energy levels, severe hunger, or even joint pain may crop up, making it impossible to keep the pounds off long term.”

Sheindy recalls a woman who contacted her after seeing her recipe column in a magazine, featuring a quinoa and sweet potato salad. The woman said that although the salad was really delicious, it was also time-consuming for her to prepare it. As a busy mother, she felt that if eating healthy meant preparing such foods, she just wasn’t cut out for it.

When weight loss is achieved in a wholesome way, taking into account how the individual feels, Sheindy believes it has the capacity to be long-lasting.

“This woman expressed what many others feel. A common question I’m asked is, ‘Am I going to need to be very busy in the kitchen?’” says Sheindy. “My belief is that healthy eating is about going back to basics, and food prep can be kept very simple. It can be hard to find the time and not everyone enjoys playing around in the kitchen, so that shouldn’t get in the way of eating right.

Nourished by Nature Of course, healthy lifestyle changes are only as good as the meal-planning resources that go along with them. Always one to play around in the kitchen, Sheindy compiled the recipes she developed as her meals and snacks were transformed. She shared them with her clients as a small booklet, which then became a little pamphlet. Over time, as the collection grew, Sheindy began sharing them with the weekly free-of-charge email list she started for the broader public, not limited to her clients.

The compilation has since evolved into a beautifully published, easy-to-use cookbook, Nourished by Nature. I wonder what makes this recipe collection so sought-after, when there are so many cookbooks and recipe sites available.

“My recipes are made with just natural, basic ingredients that you can really find in your local supermarket. Nothing exotic, so you don’t have to shop on Amazon or at Whole Foods. You just go to your local grocery, and you know you’re making food that’s good for you. No junk ingredients, no ready mixes and ready sauces and all that, where you just never know what’s in there.”

By now, Sheindy runs her private practice, guiding clients from all over the world to make choices that satisfy their unique lives.

She also speaks on a hotline for frum women, and some of her podcasts are available online, as well.

Listening to Sheindy speak about her journey, I realize that the healthful and balanced cookbook she lovingly created sprouted organically, much like the lifestyle changes she introduced into her own and many other women’s lives.

56

WELLSPRING / MARCH 2023

“I noticed very directly how junk food weighed me down, and I didn’t want my food intake to compromise my energy levels and performance.”

“When I spend time in the kitchen it’s a hobby. On most days, I create simple suppers that don’t take a lot of time or know-how.

You honestly don’t have to be very busy in the kitchen in order to eat healthfully. That’s the goal of my cookbook—to make healthy meal prep accessible and doable for all.”

Sheindy points out another misconception she often comes across in her line of work and conversations with clients. Many people eat cake and cookies often because they are so convenient to obtain, but the real reason we believe this is that the food industry has set us up to do so. The layout of a supermarket, for example, is with these quick-fix foods attractively displayed to compel us to reach for them. Our demand for healthier food options can effect changes. Some changes we’ve already seen include salad bars in most bakeries, and grocery freezer sections well stocked with many easy-to-prepare vegetable options.

“In reality,” Sheindy explains, “junk food is not necessarily more convenient. In ancient times, obesity wasn’t as rampant as it is today. Fruits and vegetables were very convenient then because those were the foods available. It’s about priority and focus. Fruits and vegetables are available in huge supplies and varieties. We can take advantage of this to help us keep away from highly processed foods. We can eat natural foods at our convenience, just the way they are.”

When Sheindy was going through her own journey toward healthy eating, she wished she had a cookbook for inspiration and guid-

ance. “I couldn’t find a cookbook with just the basics—and without sweeteners, sauces, or refined starches. Food tastes so good the way it is, naturally! As soon as we cut out processed ingredients, our spoiled taste buds readjust to the rich flavor of natural foods.”

Sheindy’s new cookbook is a combination of basic and gourmet. It began as a compilation of very easy supper recipes, including mains, side dishes, soups, and salads. There are simple ideas and recipes for every food group, including the very basics like baking rice in the oven, and sweet treats like chocolate date balls.

It is Sheindy’s hope that those who use the cookbook and apply her program to their lifestyle will reap the benefits in all areas of life. “So often,” she notes, “We implement healthy lifestyle changes with a specific goal in mind, only realizing later how many other systems have been positively affected.”

As a case in point, she recalls the time when early one morning, her phone rang with a call from Yerushalayim. The caller shared that she had implemented Sheindy’s advice to cut highly processed foods out of her menu for weight loss. She said she now sticks to eating natural foods and her weight loss has been so much easier and more effective than any of the programs she had tried—and failed—in the past. However, the reason for her call was to thank Sheindy not just for the weight loss goals she was so grateful to have attained, but for being the shaliach in healing her from the debilitating joint pain she had been suffering from. This woman had followed the food plan in order to lose weight, and along with it, her pain had completely disappeared and she had regained her quality of life.

“Recently,” Sheindy says, “a client shared that she was prone to dizziness, to the point where she simply accepted it as part of her identity. She couldn’t believe that after just two weeks on the program, her dizziness was gone.”

Regardless of why an individual attempts to lose weight, Sheindy reiterates that focusing on weight loss as a stand-alone goal usually results in decreased motivation and health consequences. Her motto, “Don’t change your life for the program; change the program for your life,” complements this belief.

“You really can take care of yourself in a good, wholesome, health-promoting way that will positively affect your entire wellbeing on every level,” she remarks. “When you try bending over backward and amp up the weight loss, it’s just a passing phase. Going with the change that works with you, your schedule, and your life makes it a change you can maintain even when life is hectic.”

Sheindy’s greatest reward is when she gets a referral call from someone who’s met a client who began her program a few years back and is still maintaining her weight loss while feeling energized and buoyed by the lifestyle. When that happens, she knows she’s succeeded—that she gave that woman not only short-term guidance, but the tools and knowledge to keep leading the life that is best for her.

CUP OF TEA

Excerpts from Sheindy Unger’s new cookbook,

Nourished

by Nature Peanut Butter Cookies INGREDIENTS: 1 Cup Natural Peanut Butter 4-5 Pitted Medjool Dates 2 Eggs

DIRECTIONS: 1. Preheat oven to 350°.

2. Soak the dates for 15 minutes in boiling water to soften.

3. Blend all ingredients together in a food processor fitted with the “S” blade.

4. Drop the batter by spoonful onto a lined cookie sheet. For neat cookies, use a small cookie scoop.

5. Bake for 15 minutes.

6. Serve frozen.

Note: 1 18 Oz. jar peanut butter = 2 cups 58

WELLSPRING / MARCH 2023

Broccoli Souffle INGREDIENTS: ½ Lb. Chopped Broccoli Spray Oil Pinch of Salt and Black Pepper 1 Egg ¾ Cup Shredded Cheese

DIRECTIONS: 1. Preheat the oven to 350°.

2. Spray broccoli with oil, add spices.

3. Place broccoli in a 9 inch round pan. Cover and bake for 20 minutes.

4. Beat egg with fork. Combine with ½ cup cheese. Add mixture to the broccoli and mix.

5. Top with remaining cheese.

6. Bake 5-10 minutes until thoroughly heated.

Note: Recipe can be done in a Betty Crocker.

Decrease baking time accordingly.

Rice ‘N Mushrooms INGREDIENTS: 1 Cup Brown Rice 2 Cups Water 8 Oz. Mushrooms ½ tsp Salt ¼ tsp Black Pepper ¼ Cup Oil

DIRECTIONS: 1. Preheat oven to 400°.

2. Place all ingredients in baking pan and bake covered for 45 minutes - 1 hour.

3. When done, fluff the rice using a fork.

SERIAL DIARY

are we

there yet?

As told to Libby Silberman

by Malky Sapir

60

WELLSPRING / MARCH 2023

Recap: Batsheva is rejected from the school Malky thought would be best for her. Instead, she is sent to Sparkle, despite it being geared for children with cognitive delays. Ultimately, Malky is grateful for the “soft landing” this gave her into the world of special needs.

At the weekly sessions with my therapist in the months and years following my divorce, I felt myself come to a place of acceptance. Slowly, the shame, guilt, and anger went into little boxes as I healed and moved on. After a long while, we terminated our sessions, and I was proud of the work I’d done.

Eventually, I realized I was experiencing a lot of resentment over Batsheva’s cerebral palsy, and I considered reentering therapy to work further on acceptance. I contacted my old therapist, who encouraged me to give it a shot.

After all, I had done such good work with her in the past.

Yet, despite my best efforts and good intentions, it was a no-go. The pain was too huge—the hurt too raw—for me to reach a place of acceptance over Batsheva’s lifelong diagnosis. I just couldn’t talk about it. I still cannot.

I had the divorce thing down pat. I easily related to myself as a divorced woman and single mom. I felt in control about the whole thing. I had chosen it, I could handle it, I could do it. CP, on the other hand…I hadn’t chosen, didn’t want, and couldn’t handle. I struggled to relate to myself as a mother of a child with special needs.

In my non-acceptance of her CP, I asked Batsheva’s teachers to send her home in her nice shoes, not her special braces, because it hurt too much to see her in them.

Additionally, for the first five years of her life, I wouldn’t put her in a wheelchair, preferring to use a stroller to get her around. This way, I could pretend she was just an oversized toddler who was too tired to walk all the way to the grocery.

I also chose not to have any specialized equipment for her in the house. In fact, although there were many different exercises and therapies I could have been doing with Batsheva at home to help her make progress, this was simply too much for me on an emotional as well as physical level. I used to feel terribly guilty about this, but over time, I’ve come to accept myself as a limited human being with

limited time, energy, and resources.

At this lonely time, Hashem became a very real entity in my life. The situation was all-consuming, I was all alone, and I had isolated myself further by not even going to the playground or anywhere nonessential with my child. I simply lacked the desire and energy—and I was embarrassed.

How would I explain to people why my daughter was in the stroller? And what was the point of going to a playground with a child who couldn’t do anything?

If I needed to go out in the evening, I’d panic. How would I find someone to care for my daughter while I was away?

Sometimes, after another challenging day, I would turn to Hashem and say, “Hashem, I worked so hard today. I took care of Batsheva, fed her, dressed her, bathed her, took her to school, played with her, chatted with her…and I need a break now. I need to get out. Batsheva’s father is not available to babysit. Can You kindly step in and help me? Please watch over her, I’m going for a quick walk to air out.”

Looking back, I know this seems neglectful. I know, I know. But in my downcast place, Hashem was as real to me as the babysitter is to you. I relied on Him and trusted Him completely to do the job.

Batsheva never woke up while Hashem was babysitting, and she doesn’t know about it until today.

These days, happily remarried, I struggle to attain that level of closeness with Hashem that I experienced back then in my “darker” days. I’m deeply grateful for where I am right now, but it’s that closeness that I still miss, after all these years.

WELLSPRING / ADAR 5783

61

DIY

a e s u Na f e i l Re

By Miriam Schweid Acupressure Guide for Nausea Relief • Position your right hand so that your fingers are pointing upward and your palm is facing you.

• Place the first three fingers of your left hand across your right wrist, just below your wrist crease (where your wrist bends).

• Place your thumb just below your index (pointer) finger. Remove the three fingers from your wrist but keep your thumb on that spot. Use your thumb to put pressure on the spot. You should be able to feel two large tendons (tissue that connects muscles to bones) in between your thumb. This spot is pressure point P-6.

• Once you located the pressure point, relax your hand and keep it in a comfortable position.

• Press down on point P-6 with your thumb. Move your thumb circular motions, clockwise or counterclockwise, while applying pressure. Repeat for 2 to 3 minutes.

• If you find it hard to use your thumb, use your index finger instead.

• Be firm when applying pressure, but do not press so hard that it hurts. You may feel some aching or tenderness, but the treatment should not be painful. Pain is an indication that you’re pressing down too hard.

• Repeat steps 1 to 4 on your other wrist, and continue the treatment several times a day until symptoms improve.

62

WELLSPRING / MARCH 2023

N I H IN S G BR IGHT TO HOW RAGE U O C EN YOUR O T CHILD IR E BE TH BEST E UNIQU SELF

WEIGHT LOSS FIRST, THEN INTUITIVE EATING IS THIS AN EFFECTIVE APPROACH?

NOT JUST ON PURIM 3 ACTIVITIES TO DECREASE CHALLENGING BEHAVIOR

INNER PARENTING

I Want to Be a SWAT Robot with Wings—from Mars 4 ways to cultivate a sense of individuality in our children in a cookie-cutter world

By Shiffy Friedman

64

WELLSPRING / MARCH 2023

It happens every day, but on Purim, the opportunities abound: a child makes an innocent request— often one that seems outlandish to adult ears—that emanates from the unique person he is. It may be a choice of costume, everyday gear, activity, hobby, or anything else the child fancies. Then, with the child’s benefit in mind, the adult brushes off the idea, and, often, the child reluctantly acquiesces to the adult’s sensible suggestion—or command.

End of story? Perhaps for this moment, but every time a product of the child’s imagination or originality is scoffed or even politely turned down, a tiny bit of that vibrant creative flame is extinguished. Bit by bit, it happens, until the child fits perfectly into the mold. With that reshaping, however, a fount of potential may have been stilled.

As parents, we want to raise children who are confident; children who feel good and whole with their place in the world. What steps can we take in our everyday life to help make that happen?

what brings him joy, what gives him a sense of security, what sparks his imagination, and what makes him feel alive. At the same time, take note of what he finds challenging, which tasks are more daunting, and what kind of interactions require more effort and exertion on his part.

adults in her life to approve of her choice. Even if a parent must intervene, offering another option in a soft, friendly tone, along with a compliment regarding their choice, is the way to go. “Wow, I really like how

Every child is a world unto their own, and getting to know their derech will go a long way toward educating them al pi darko and filling their unique needs. As the child’s parent, Hashem gave you the tools and capacity to care for him in a way that only you can. While the school system may work as a system, satisfying thirty kids’ needs in one activity simply won’t work. The home is the place where the child’s individuality should be recognized and celebrated.

1. Hello, Personality

2. Beware of the Comments.

First, get to know your child’s unique personality. It’s highly unlikely (and for good reason) that every child in the family has the same wants and opinions, likes and dislikes. Just because the first two did well with a certain pastime, it doesn’t mean the third will, as well. And just because you like quiet time, it doesn’t mean your child does too. Perhaps he gets energy from sensory stimulation, from noise and action. As the child’s personality begins to take shape—as early as infancy—pay attention to

While a large chunk of parenting requires tweaking for each individual child, some universal rules hold true for all kids. A biggie is to stay away from comments that imply negativity regarding their unique choices. When a child makes a choice that emanates from her own taste or preference, she wants to hear positive feedback. She looks up to the

WELLSPRING / ADAR 5783

65

INNER PARENTING

that headband matches your skirt, but how about we save this for Shabbos? What’s another option for today when you’ve got school?”

Statements like “You can’t go out in that outfit” and “You like that? Isn’t this much prettier?” or “What kind of taste is that?” subconsciously convey that the child’s taste or preference is inferior, unpopular, or even absurd.

It’s a steady diet of comments like these that feed an unhealthy message to the child regarding their individual place in the world. Too much of it and before long, the child has no opinion of her own.

In addition to exercising caution with our own comments, as parents we must do what we can to ensure that others in the home (namely, siblings) are sensitive to every child’s individuality as well. Employing— and enforcing— a no-excuses policy regarding teasing or taunting is of paramount importance to help nurture self-esteem. When kids realize that we take their emotional world seriously, our home becomes the safe, secure place they all need it to be.

3. Open the Dialogue.

Raising inquisitive, creative kids can sometimes feel like a full-time job—plus overtime. Part of this is letting the kids talk, answering their questions in detail, asking them their opinion on matters big and small, and inviting conversation, as opposed to keeping them out of the way so we adults can get our tasks done.

With older kids, asking for ideas (be it tablescapes or learning programs) is a great conversation starter that enables the child to bring her originality to the table. Instead of 66

WELLSPRING / MARCH 2023

speaking of people and things, discuss ideas that broaden her horizon and hone her skills so she can grow into an articulate, forthcoming adult.

4. Creative Expression.

If you notice a particular creative streak in a child, help them develop it. Whether it’s sending a child to an

When kids realize that we take their emotional world seriously, our home becomes the safe, secure place they all need it to be. art course or investing in a musical instrument, find an outlet that works for them, that speaks to them in a language they understand. If a child is unsure regarding a particular hobby, let them test the waters and see for themselves. Take note of how they

feel when they’re painting, drawing, or playing music.

Are they naturally drawn to the activity or are they going along with a plan someone set for them? When a child is in their natural place, their outlet of creative expression will make them feel alive. They may forget to eat or drink when they’re engaging in this activity—and that’s okay. Because all this time, they’re feeding their spirit. They’re developing their creative side, the place where they feel unique and special, and they’re having a great time at it, too.

When Choices Clash Looking inward goes a long way in raising a healthier child Since this is the Inner Parenting column, we can’t omit this critical piece from the conversation—what nurturing our child’s uniqueness means to us. A healthy parent will naturally embrace their child’s individuality, doing what they can to help nurture it. Although they’re aware that conformity has its place, they understand that when their child feels good and whole with his uniqueness that he starts to shine, that this is how he can share his special self with the world, and how he can achieve his unique purpose.

Often, what gets in the way of cultivating our children’s individuality is our own resistance to it. While conformity is important to a certain extent, when our main goal is to keep our children in a tootight mold, we risk raising an adult with not only a dulled personality but also a detachment from their emotional world.

Every time a clash of opinion or choice comes up between a parent and child—whether the child is four and wants to wear pink tights to school, or the child is eighteen and wants to spend their vacation at a locale the parent deems off limits— the single most important truth that we as parents must first ascertain is this: From which place does my resistance emanate? Is my argument stemming from logic or emotion?

If the reason for my no is halachah or a clear Torah-based value that our daas Torah supports, then that argument certainly wins, no questions asked. Even then, we should convey our directive with kindness and warmth. “I see that this is hard for you, but we must/can’t/it’s not good/right for us to… How can I help make this more pleasant/doable/enjoyable for you?”

If the reason for our argument is not based on a clear value, and we want what’s best for our child, we may want to do some inner work here. Why is it that I’m turning down my child’s desire to showcase/explore his uniqueness? (Of course, if we’re not sure whether our argument emanates from logic or emotion—which is very often the case because our mind always tries to make sense of our emotions—we’re best off consulting with a third party.)

If we’ve done an honest self-exploration and have come to the truthful conclusion that the clash at hand is of an emotional nature (kudos!), here are some questions to ask ourselves:

How do I feel about my child’s individuality? Is there a place in me that is resistant to its development?

Would I prefer that my child “lays low” and just stays in the background? What are the messages I’ve absorbed about expressing my individual wants and needs?

Perhaps we’ve always felt like the odd one out and, in our desperate desire to raise children who “fit in” better, we may be stifling their personality. Perhaps we harbor negative associations regarding more colorful traits and styles. Perhaps we’re afraid to let all that bubbling spirit come to the fore. Perhaps we have preconceived notions regarding refined character (such as that “good kids don’t make noise”).

Perhaps, it just might be that we want things our way. As the parents, we have the full right to insist on that. But, the question then becomes: What gives? Yes, I’m entitled to want my kid to wear a certain something or play with a certain friend. But at what price? What is my child losing because of my insistence? And is that worth it?

These are questions worth exploring so we can take note of how our own emotions may be getting in the way of raising healthy, confident kids. When we become more selfaware, allowing ourselves to become more attentive to our children’s (and our own) needs, we will be’ezras Hashem celebrate each one for the beautiful human being they are.

In addition to her work as a writer, teacher, and counselor, Shiffy Friedman is the founding director of LAHAV, an initiative that spreads awareness about the pathways to connection, contentment, and inner peace through Torah. To sign up to receive her messages on the topic, please write to info@lahavinitiative.org.

WELLSPRING / ADAR 5783

67

OT@HOME

Not Just on Purim 3 activities to decrease challenging behaviors

by Miriam Frankel, OT Miriam (Manela) Frankel OTR/L is a mental health occupational therapist, founder of the online platform ChildrenBloom.com, and The Thrive Group, with offices in Brooklyn and Passaic. ChildrenBloom.com provides toolkits for parents and educators to deal with struggling children. Miriam is the author of The Parent-Child Dance and an international speaker.

68

WELLSPRING / MARCH 2023

During this joyous season of Purim, you may be noticing more frequent symptoms of silliness, craving sweets, and aggression in your child. This could be a result of the changes in routine and atmosphere and the many goodies available.

But for some adults and children, these symptoms occur on an almost daily basis, due to an unintegrated Moro primitive movement pattern (PMP). The Moro PMP is one of the primitive reflexes, which is present in infants during their first year of life.

Reflexes are automatic responses to stimulation. During a child’s development, their reflexes integrate so the child has autonomy over their movements. This integration is essential for a child to develop higher-level skills and explore their environment.

However, if the Moro PMP remains unintegrated, it can cause various challenges later on, including hypersensitivity to sound, anxiety, difficulty with changes, mood swings, aggression, craving for sweets, silliness, and poor balance.

If your child frequently exhibits one or more of these symptoms, you may want to try one of these exercises to help integration of the Moro PMP. Doing these exercises 3–7 times daily, 2–3 times a week has been proven to decrease the challenging behaviors listed above.

Starfish Sit on a couch or chair. Spread your legs and arms and look up by bending your neck back. Inhale for 2–5 seconds.

Exhale for 5–8 seconds while tucking your chin in and bringing your right hand over your left hand and right leg over your left leg. Repeat this pattern with the left hand and leg on top.

Mr. Peanut While lying on your back, place a long pillow on your torso, spread your arms and legs, and inhale 2–5 seconds. Exhale 5–8 seconds and wrap your arms and legs around the pillow.

Pop Goes Calvin!

Lie on your side in a fetal position and make sure the soles of your feet are firmly touching the wall. Tuck your chin down into your chest. On the count of ten, push your feet off the wall and extend your hands up and above your head while quickly twisting to lie on your stomach and zooming away from the wall in a fluid motion.

Most people notice a decrease in frequency, duration, or intensity of aggression, silliness, and/ or sweet cravings when these exercises are done consistently for 40 days.

WELLSPRING / ADAR 5783

69

TAP IN

TAP IN

by Gila Glassberg, RDN, CDN, Certified Intuitive Eating Coach

70

WELLSPRING / MARCH 2023

QUESTION

I understand, respect, and truly appreciate everything I’ve learned about Intuitive Eating.

I’m just skeptical if this should be the prescribed path or outlook “yet” for someone who is significantly overweight (as in, close to 100 pounds overweight). Perhaps someone like me should first go on some “diet” just to get the weight into a more reasonable range and maybe after that she should be taught about Intuitive Eating. What’s your take on putting this approach on hold until I’m in a healthier weight range?

ANSWER You’re not the only one who feels this way about Intuitive Eating, and I understand why.

For so many years, you’ve probably believed, “If I can lose the weight, then my life will be xyz.” This is what I refer to as a diet fantasy. “I will lose weight, and everyone will love me. I’ll feel good about myself. I’ll have more friends. I’ll do better at my job. I’ll heal my anxiety and depression.” And the list goes on. This has a lot to do with current marketing trends. If I get x, then I will feel y. Alas, allow me to burst your diet fantasy, once and for all. If you don’t feel good about yourself in a larger body, dieting will most probably not do the trick either.

Why do I bring this up here? Because every single time you try a diet, you’re promoting the diet culture beliefs in your head. Instead of moving toward healing and self-acceptance, you’re reinforcing the fantasies about how a smaller size will bring you all the things you wish for. Part of Intuitive Eating is to reject those beliefs. So if you truly want to do Intuitive Eating, but your first step is to go on a diet (such as to first lose 100 pounds), after a few weeks, months, or years

when the diet inevitably stops working, you will be right back at where you started, plus a few steps back from the Intuitive Eating process. This is because all that restriction will just reinforce the dieting mentalities all over again.

Thus, you’re free to choose to try the diet avenue first, but know that every time you do so, you’re setting yourself back in terms of connecting to your intuitive self. When you’re on a diet, you may be ignoring your hunger and fullness cues for the sake of weight loss.

When you’re on a diet, you may be wrongly placing food on a pedestal, viewing it as even more pleasurable and rewarding because you’re feeling deprived.

All these attitudes move you further away from plugging in to your intuition. On the contrary, once you make a choice to eat intuitively, you will develop healthy eating habits that will actually enable you to enjoy your food and make wise choices. When that happens, you will probably find that you’ll eat more mindfully and thus shed pounds along the way, but that won’t be your focus because you’ll appreciate yourself as you are.

Have questions about the Intuitive Eating approach? Send them to info@wellspringmagazine.com and Gila will be glad to answer them in this space.

Gila Glassberg is a Master's level registered dietitian and a certified Intuitive Eating Counselor. As a teenager, she was faced with constant diet talk, body shaming, and obsessive guilt around food, but now that she has found food freedom through the process of Intuitive Eating, she's eager to share its wisdom with others. Gila works privately with clients and she also presents workshops. The name of her podcast is Get INTUIT with Gila, and she writes blog entries on her website, www.gilaglassberg.com. She can be reached at 570-878-3642.

WELLSPRING / ADAR 5783

71

WELLBEING FEATURE

72

WELLSPRING / MARCH 2023

MARCH 2023 / ADAR 5783 / ISSUE 86

MY TABLE HOW WE DO PURIM

SWITCH IT UP ESTI ASHER HIGHLIGHTS 6 FABULOUS FOOD SWAPS

THESE CRISPY TUNA TARTARE BITES WILL WOW YOUR GUESTS

84 Rebranding: Hamantashen

By Malky Rosenberg

77 The Feast

By Yossi & Malky Levine

74

90 6 Food Swaps

By Esti Asher, MS, RDN, LD

82

94

SWAP

By Yossi & Malky Levine

How do you Purim?

Wellspring Contributors

WELLSPRING / MARCH 2023

EDITOR'S NOTE

Dear Cooks,

If there’s ever a time that Seasoned recipes are most in demand, it’s before a Yom Tov—and especially Purim. Now is when those who want to prepare delicacies while staying mindful of what they’re feeding themselves and others need some inspo for doing it right. In the past, we featured hamantaschen with nourishing savory fillings like broccoli and zucchini—always a hit at our Purim table—and this year, we’re bringing you something new. In her signature Rebranding style, Malky Rosenberg brings two novel ideas to the table. While hamantaschen are usually thought of as sides or treats, I’m excited to try her liver hamantaschen as our appetizer this year; I might even make them in a larger size so I can serve more of the filling.

Here at Seasoned we offer you a base to work off of, and we’d love to hear how you take our ideas up a notch. Creativity is the name of game when it comes not only to Purim themes, but also to nourishing our family in a way that works for us. This kid turns his nose up at vegetables? Maybe he’ll get excited over a broccoli muffin. Zucchini hides incredibly well in potato kugel, lending depth of flavor and fabulous texture. I’ve heard from some that avocado pudding

goes over well with their families. In fact, in this issue’s Tidbits, Esti Asher suggests swapping butter for puréed avocado in baked goods in order to achieve a similar texture but a more nutrient-dense end product. Her fabulous article, in the spirit of Venahafoch Hu, offers various other wise swapping ideas to amp up the nutrition profile of your dishes.

If we want to encourage our young ones to fill up on the right fuel, harnessing our creativity can go a long way toward achieving that goal. In our house, I’ve found that the kids get excited over being served in real dishes (as opposed to disposables). Even a simple salad served in “glass plates,” as they call them, excites their taste buds.

In the spirit of Purim, I recently read a research piece that found a strong correlation, unsurprisingly, between eating well and happiness. Even with guilt out of the picture—a huge topic of its own—feeding our body with nourishing foods facilitates a healthier gut, which is directly connected to the mind, thus generating the production of more happiness hormones. It’s a good choice, from every angle.

A freilichen Purim,

Esther

WELLSPRING / ADAR 5783

75

ing c u d o r I n t e ry fi rst t i m e fo r t h e v EW N L L e L A h t A

WITH FILLED HEESE C CREAM

D LO A D E

WITH

J OY

Product of USA

Now available in the freezer section at your local supermarket

The Feast We like to share recipes that are related to the time of year— hence the fish choice—especially when it comes to Yamim Tovim, but we’re always looking to bring new trends and ideas to the table to take your dishes up a notch.

Whether you’re looking for a buffet-style dish to serve the Purim crowds, or an individually plated choice for a family meal, we’ve got you covered.

A freilichen Purim, Yossi and Malky

Recipes, Styling, and Photography

by Yossi & Malky Levine

THE FEAST

Crispy Tuna Tartare Bites A flavorful tuna tartare served on crunchy rice paper chips. How’s that for an easy, crowdpleasing appetizer? The rice paper chips can be enjoyed as a snack on their own, and they puff up in about three seconds—literally! Sprinkle them with your favorite seasoning and munch away!

Most rice paper chip recipes call for deep-frying. However, we tested the technique with less than half an inch of oil and it worked like a charm.

Marinade

Tuna Tartare

3 Tbsp soy sauce or coconut/liquid aminos

1½ lbs tuna, diced

2 Tbsp honey

2 avocados, diced

1 Tbsp rice vinegar

6 scallions, chopped

1 Tbsp sesame oil

2 Persian cucumbers, diced

1 frozen garlic cube

½ cup toasted walnuts, roughly chopped

1 Tbsp sriracha (optional)

1 Tbsp toasted sesame seeds

10 (6-inch) sheets of rice paper, cut in quarters (easiest to cut with scissors)

Garnish

Vegetable oil, for frying

Black and white sesame seeds

Sliced red chili Mint leaves

Place all marinade ingredients into a bowl and mix to combine. Set aside.

Add tuna, avocado, scallions, cucumbers, walnuts, and toasted sesame seeds to the marinade and mix until combined.

Heat a skillet for 5 minutes over high heat. Lower to medium heat and fill with approximately half an inch of oil. Working in batches, depending on the size of your skillet, fry the rice papers until puffed and crisp, about 2–4 seconds. Use tongs to transfer to a paper-towellined plate so excess oil can be absorbed. Repeat with remaining rice paper sheets.

Place 2–3 Tbsp of tartare on each cracker and top with sliced chili, black and white sesame seeds, and mint leaves.

78

WELLSPRING / FEBRUARY 2023

THE FEAST

Seared Salmon Mélange This winner dish gets a chef-style plating that is quite simple to create. So, next time you host guests, wow them with this amazing combination of flavors and beautiful presentation. You can prep all components in advance so all that's left to do prior to serving is searing the salmon.

Celeriac Puree 1 celeriac (celery root) 1 sprig fresh thyme 3 Tbsp water 2 Tbsp olive oil 1 frozen garlic cube, thawed ¾ tsp salt Steamed Broccoli 16 oz broccoli, fresh or frozen 2 tsp salt or to taste Truffle King Oyster Mushrooms 1 pkg king oyster mushrooms ½ tsp salt 1 Tbsp olive oil ½ tsp truffle oil Seared Salmon 9-inch center-cut of salmon (with skin), cut to 3-inch squares 2 tsp coarse salt 1½ tsp coarse black pepper 2 Tbsp olive oil microgreens, for garnish (optional)

For the celeriac puree: Peel celeriac and cut into ½-inch cubes. Heat a small saucepan over high heat, add celeriac cubes and thyme, and cover with water. Cook for 25–35 minutes or until fork tender. Strain and remove from heat.

Transfer to a blender, add water, olive oil, garlic, and salt, and blend on a high speed until a smooth and creamy consistency is achieved (approximately 5 minutes).

For the broccoli: Fill a saucepan with water and salt. Add broccoli florets and bring to a boil. Cook for 3–4 minutes, drain the water, and set aside.

For the truffle mushrooms: Slice mushrooms in half lengthwise. Lightly score a diagonal crisscross pattern into the cut side of the mushrooms and sprinkle with salt.

Heat a pan (without oil) over high heat. Once the pan is almost smoking, add oils and mushrooms, cut-side down, and turn heat down to medium-high.

Cook for 3–5 minutes until golden brown.

Flip and cook for an additional 3–5 minutes and set aside.

For the seared salmon: Season salmon with salt and pepper. Preheat a skillet over high heat and once smoking, add olive oil. Lower heat to medium-high and sear the salmon, skin side up, in batches (2 fillets at most, and clean the pan between each batch). Sear for 5 minutes without moving the salmon until golden and crisp. Carefully flip the fillets and reduce heat to medium. Continue cooking for an additional 8–10 minutes.

Plating: Start with two generous spoonfuls of celeriac puree and use the back of a spoon to spread into a circle shape.

Place several broccoli florets in the center of each circle.

Carefully place the salmon over the broccoli, adjusting if necessary. Garnish with truffle mushrooms and microgreens and drizzle olive oil around the edge of the plate.

SWAP

SWA P

By Yossi & Malky Levine

Soft Drinks

Infused Soda

Especially on Purim, many a table is graced with soft drinks, defined as beverages with added sugar or other sweeteners (high fructose corn syrup, sucrose, fruit juice concentrates, etc.).

Each of these beverages contains an average of 4.2 grams of sugar per teaspoon. That’s like scooping up 7–10 teaspoons of sugar and dumping them into your 12-ounce glass of water. Way too sweet, right? Well, that’s how much added sugar you'll find in the typical can of soda.

Beyond the obvious result of weight gain, routinely drinking these sugar-loaded beverages can increase the risk of type 2 diabetes, heart disease, and other chronic diseases.

Because they provide so many calories and virtually no other nutrients, soft drinks offer absolutely no nutritional benefit.

So, the next time you feel that craving, nix the temptation to reach for a soft drink and go with a glass of infused sparkling water instead. It’s so simple to put together and can be switched up and flavored exactly to your liking without any added sugar or preservatives.

Infused water provides flavor, hydration, and some nutrition from the fruits or veggies used. In fact, fruit-infused water will hydrate your body better than plain water.

In order to absorb water, the body requires minerals known as electrolytes, which carry a charge that directs the water molecules and maintains fluid balance in the cells.

Four major electrolytes are calcium, potassium, magnesium, and sodium.

With fruit-infused water, electrolytes from the fruit are absorbed into the water, thereby helping the body hydrate better.

It’s a win-win!

Citrus Strawberry Sparkling Water Infused water recipes are refreshing and healthy, and using sparkling water takes them to a party level! Have fun experimenting with your favorite combination of fresh produce.

Serve this on Purim as a welcome break from the sugar overload.

82

WELLSPRING / MARCH 2023

1 liter sparkling water

1 lemon, sliced

1 cup fresh or frozen strawberries, sliced

Handful of mint leaves

Pour sparkling water into a pitcher. Add strawberries, lemon, and mint, and gently move the bottle in a circular motion. Let chill in refrigerator for at least 2 hours. Serve with ice, if desired.

Note: Please consult with your halachic authority regarding usage of fresh strawberries.

Rebranding With Malky Rosenberg

This Month: Hamantaschen

As I wait for the timer on the oven to chime, Purim is still weeks away. Today is just another ordinary day. Random.

Routine.

But is it really? Does any day deserve to be labeled “run-of-the-mill” when, in fact, each one is filled with blessing?

From the outset, a hamantasch is a three-pronged piece of dough. But look closely and you'll notice a sweet spoonful of filling hidden within.

Concealed within our everyday “mundane” lives is bountiful sweetness, beauty, and yes, even miracles.

Enjoy your blessings and also these delicious rebranded treats that are actually good for you!

Malky Styling and Photography: Pessy Piller

REBRANDING

Liver 'N Jam Hamantasch

WELLSPRING / ADAR 5783

87

REBRANDING

Liver ’N Jam Hamantasch Who says hamantaschen are meant to be a triangular combo of just flour and sugar? These hamantaschen are rich in protein, iron, and vitamin A, yet never lose their sweetness. Watch them earn their rightful place at your Purim seudah.

Yield: 20 hamantaschen

Dough 1 cup whole spelt flour 1 cup almond flour ½ cup warm water 3 Tbsp avocado oil ¾–1 tsp salt Jam ¼ cup almond butter ⅓ cup pure maple syrup 5 tsp dry red wine 1 tsp minced garlic Filling ½ lb broiled liver 3 large medjool dates (55–60 grams) 1 Tbsp dry red wine ½ Tbsp light mayonnaise ½ tsp salt ½ tsp garlic 2 Tbsp raw whole almonds Topping 1 Tbsp raw almonds, crushed

In a medium bowl, mix dough ingredients and refrigerate to chill.

In a small pot, over low heat, stir almond butter. Slowly add maple syrup while mixing, a little at a time. Stir in wine and garlic. Refrigerate to chill and thicken.

Place all ingredients except almonds in a food processor and mix on high speed.

Fold in almonds last, processing until crushed.

Preheat oven to 350°F and line a baking sheet with parchment paper.

Remove chilled dough from fridge. On a lightly floured surface, roll the dough out to ⅛-inch thick. Using a big glass or 3-inch cookie cutter, cut out circles.

Gather remaining dough and repeat.

Spread about 1 teaspoon jam onto each circle and add approximately 1 tablespoon liver in the middle. Fold up sides of dough to form a triangle around the filling, pinching the corners together.

You can then wet your finger to press liver down neatly. Transfer to cookie sheet.

Using ¼ teaspoon, top each hamantasch with more jam and sprinkle with crushed almonds. Brush dough with egg mixture.

Bake for 27–30 minutes.

Cinnamon Butter Hamantasch These hamantaschen are a delicious “dress up” for the standard cinnamon bun. Give them to your friends for mishloach manos and they’ll be clamoring for more. Or eat them along with your coffee and find yourself surprisingly energized through your hectic Purim morning.

Yield: 20 hamantaschen

Dough ⅓ cup almond milk 2½ Tbsp maple syrup 1½ tsp pure vanilla extract 1 cup + 2 Tbsp oat flour (well-blended oats) ½ cup almond flour Filling ¼ cup almond butter 3 Tbsp maple syrup 3 tsp cinnamon

Preheat oven to 350°F. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper.

In a bowl, combine almond milk, maple syrup, and vanilla extract. Add oat flour and almond flour and knead by hand. Refrigerate for a few minutes.

Meanwhile, in a small bowl, whisk together filling ingredients, mixing very well.

Remove dough from fridge and roll out thinly (about ⅛-inch thick) on a flat surface. Cut out small circles (2½ inches). Transfer circles to cookie sheet.

Spoon a heaping teaspoon of filling onto each circle. Fold up sides of dough to form a triangle around the filling, pinching corners together.

Bake for 18 minutes. Let sit for 5 minutes before serving (or eating!).

WELLSPRING / ADAR 5783

89

TIDBITS

90

WELLSPRING / JANUARY 2023

The concept of enjoying food is supported within our Torah teachings. Hashem gave us taste buds for a reason, and there are many ways to elevate the physical act of eating into a spiritual experience, including making berachos before and after eating and having the intention that the food we are eating is fuel to help us better serve Hashem.

Therefore, while some nutrition approaches focus on (almost) always making sure we are using “healthy” ingredients, I often advise people to enjoy an original recipe as intended, while being mindful of the occasion, the portion size, and how delicious and satisfying the food is.

However, there are times—perhaps when a specific food is eaten more regularly—when we may want to switch around the ingredients for others that are more beneficial to our body. With the inspiration of switching and Venahafoch Hu, this Purim edition of Tidbits will explore six healthy ingredient swaps, and their corresponding nutritional benefits.

Cacao Nibs or Dark Chocolate chocolate chips This seemingly minor replacement can have a big payoff in the world of nutrition. Cacao nibs, or even a high cacao percentage of dark chocolate chips (70 percent or above), result in a decrease in sugar and increase in antioxidants and fiber in the final product. Also, cacao nibs are particularly high in iron and protein. (Please keep in mind that cacao nibs may be a choking hazard for small children.)

Flax Egg egg The term “flax egg” comes up often in vegan recipes but is rarely defined. This egg substitute refers to a mixture of 1 tablespoon ground flaxseed and 3 tablespoons water, which is then left for 10 minutes to thicken. While this substitution is not recommended for more than one egg, it can be a delicious and nutrient-dense option for someone who prefers a vegan dish or wants to explore different ingredients. Flax is especially high in polyunsaturated fatty acids such as omega 3s, as well as fiber.

Potential health benefits of ground flaxseeds include lowering cholesterol levels and reducing blood pressure, and may also have a protective effect against cancer.

Puréed Avocado

Canned Pumpkin or Unsweetened Applesauce

butter in baked goods

oil

This substitution can take place in a 1:1 ratio, so replace 1 cup butter with 1 cup puréed avocado.

While butter produces a delicious and flaky texture within baked goods, avocado is a great alternative with less calories and with healthy fats that may be beneficial for cardiovascular health.

Avocado purée also contributes vitamins C, E, K, and B6, magnesium, potassium, and other nutrients. To avoid browning in lighter-colored baked goods, try adding 1–2 teaspoons of lemon juice to the puréed avocado.

Similar to puréed avocado and butter, canned pumpkin or unsweetened applesauce may also be substituted with a ratio of 1:1. Puréed pumpkin contributes toward extra-moist baked goods and also adds nutritional benefits such as fiber, and other vitamins and minerals such as vitamins A, B1, B6, and C, copper, folate, and manganese. Some recommend using ¾ cup unsweetened applesauce in place of 1 cup oil for a closer texture outcome; the applesauce will also contribute small amounts of B vitamins, as well as vitamins C and E. These replacements minimize the amount of fat and calories in the final baked-good product, while maintaining the delicious taste and texture.

WELLSPRING / ADAR 5783

91

TIDBITS

Two Kiwis a Day May Keep Constipation Away

Mashed Banana egg The recommended swap is between 1 half to 1 whole (depending on the size) mashed, very ripe banana as a substitution for 1 egg. The high moisture content and creamy texture bind ingredients together, while also providing a rich and sweet flavor. Bananas are famously known for their high level of potassium, a mineral that helps improve heart health and blood pressure.

Greek Yogurt sour cream Whether you opt for a full 1:1 ratio of Greek yogurt in place of sour cream, or simply opt to replace a portion of the sour cream with Greek yogurt, this suggestion can increase the amount of protein, probiotics, calcium, and B12 you are consuming. It may also decrease the amount of fat and—depending on the recipe—should not compromise the flavor. Try this swap with baked goods that call for sour cream or within different dips or dressings.

Esti Asher, MS, RDN, LD, is a Registered Dietitian Nutritionist and Self-Care Enthusiast on a mission to help women reach their ultimate health and wellbeing potential inside and out. She shares credible, clear, and inspiring nutrition information with women via her virtual private practice. To contact Esti with feedback or inquiries regarding her nutritional services, please email her at: esti@estiashernutrition.com or visit estiashernutrition.com.

92

WELLSPRING / MARCH 2023

It’s easy to take a symptom-free tummy and regular bowel movements for granted until one experiences gastrointestinal discomfort and constipation. Typical home remedies recommended for constipation include drinking a lot of fluids, eating dried fruits such as prunes, or walking around and being active to get gravity to help.

A recent study, published in the American Journal of Gastroenterology, found that two green kiwis a day decreased constipation and abdominal discomfort. Participants were suffering from functional constipation and constipation-predominant irritable bowel syndrome. The 63 participants were randomly assigned to eat two green kiwis per day or 7.5 grams of psyllium per day for four weeks, followed by a four-week washout period. After the washout period, the groups swapped treatments. The researchers found that with the kiwis, participants had increased GI comfort and experienced an increased number of complete spontaneous bowel movements per week. Potential explanations for this benefit are the fiber content and raphides found in kiwis, in addition to the water retention in the small bowel and ascending colon that the kiwi causes. Also, the fiber found within kiwis allows for a large water-holding capacity and swelling, which in turn can help with stool softening and an increase in stool frequency.

More Fiber, Fewer Migraines?

Severe headaches and migraines can be common and very disruptive to one’s daily routine. Many factors, both genetic and environmental, can contribute toward the occurrence of migraines, while stress, specific foods, and dietary patterns can influence their duration and intensity. A recent study, published in Frontiers in Nutrition, examined the association between fiber intake and migraine headaches.

The study analyzed data collected between 1999–2004 from the NHANES study, and included 12,710 participants after narrowing down participants to specific criteria. The analysis concluded that there was a significant inverse association between fiber intake and migraine or severe headaches. Researchers found that for every 10 grams of dietary fiber intake, there was an 11 percent decrease in migraine occurrence. While further study is needed before official nutrition recommendations can be made in this area, this research is a promising start.

Heart.Works

ADD SOME TO YOUR

VEGGIES.

KOSHER FO

P E S AC H R

VEGGIES

‫ר לפסח‬ ‫כש‬

Heart.Works

Plantain chip croutons offer a savory and nutrient-rich crunch to your everyday snacks and meals. Rain down these tropical morsels over a forest of greens, a veggie soup, or munch them plain(tain) out of the container. Double up on your greens with more of nature's bounty and less of the fake stuff.

Mmmm, It’s Heaven!

WELLSPRING / ADAR 5783

93

THIS MONTH

In the pages of Wellspring, we share expert advice from some of the community’s most popular and competent dietitians and nutritionists. In this column, you get to see how they practice what they preach in their own kitchens. Pull up a chair at “My Table” and join the chat.

HOW DO YOU PURIM? Purim is one of those days when the overabundance of treats and hectic atmosphere can significantly impact our food intake. How do you do it in your own kitchen?

Do you prepare a specific meal for yourself? If yes, what does it consist of? If not, how do you choose your foods at someone else’s table?

94

WELLSPRING / MARCH 2023

I

At this point in our lives, we’re still on the go all Purim long and we don’t make a meal on our own. I make sure to sit down and wash and have a meal replete with all food groups. I eat what I’m served, and I try to make smart choices for my children and myself. I also make sure we all have a solid breakfast early in the day so we start the day off right.

Shani Taub, CDC

Shaindy Oberlander, BS, INHC

Compiled by Shiffy Friedman

I

We have eggs and bread for breakfast to start us off on the right track.

And I always make sure to have a fruit and vegetable platter out all day for nutritious snacking.

I

On Purim, I make sure to eat my meals just as I do every day. I eat what I’m in the mood for or what I have time for. I make sure not to go into the seudah too hungry.

I fill up my plate to the extent that I’ll enjoy what I’m eating without feeling too overfull. And I always leave room to enjoy a dessert.

A fun idea is to make a nutritious mishloach manos and include yourself on the recipient list! Whether it’s cut-up veggies and dip, a yogurt parfait kit (like seed granola, dried fruit, and chopped nuts), or a mason jar salad, it gives you and the recipients a boost during the hectic day.

M

I like to eat noadded-sugar protein bars on Purim day.

When I have them, I feel like I’m eating a chocolate bar, but the added benefit is that they’re satisfying and nutritious. Later in the day, we sit down to a nourishing seudah.

Yaffi Lvova, RDN

Bina Gottdiener, CN, CHC

O

Dr. Rachael Teichberg

Tanya Rosen, MS, CPT Laura Shammah, MS, RDN

I

I order ahead of time (scheduled Uber Eats delivery works great) a large, delicious salad that also contains a protein and a carb. I take it in the car and munch on it while everyone’s munching on their treats. I also make sure to get a nice big coffee to keep me going through the hectic day. I eyeball all the goodies that come in and pick one item to enjoy at the end of the day. I also make sure to drink plenty of water.

Because I know I’ll have zero time to put anything together during Purim itself, I make sure to have something healthy in the fridge the night before, such as a salad or wrap, homemade or storebought.

G

Purim is colorful and vibrant. As a pediatric dietitian, I choose to lean in to this with my family by creating a plan for maximizing joy all around.

I make sure to serve food at home that’s balanced and filling, but also wellaccepted by my family so no one tries to solve a rumbly tummy with candy. That means having food high in protein, fat, and fiber. Meatballs and spaghetti are a good one. Shredded chicken tacos and lentil stew with potatoes are other great options.

As far as the food that comes in from outside is concerned, the first thing I keep in mind is to neutralize it. We don’t call it junk.

It’s not junk; it’s food. It’s food that brings smiles and connection and helps create the memories they will tell and retell to their own kids.

Next, I sit down for a tea party with the kids. We enjoy it together, deciding what to eat and what to save for Shabbos.

Have a lovely time and don’t be too concerned about the nutrition on this one day. This is a golden opportunity to demonstrate the joy in our traditions.

WELLSPRING / ADAR 5783

95

96

L

I try to prepare a good breakfast for everyone, like egg omelets and whole wheat toast. After that we usually do deliveries, and the goodies start pouring in. I put limits on the nosh party, but at the end of the day, I know that Purim is just one of those times when we’ll all be indulging more than usual, and that’s okay. Even for me, there are some treats—like a good cheesecake—that are irresistible!

We usually have more than one seudah to attend, beginning at around 2:00, so I try to make sure we eat something nutritious then, too. Overall, I try my best, but I don’t get too stressed out about how the day plays out.

WELLSPRING / MARCH 2023

Suri Sprei, HHP

I

On Purim, as with other busy days, I try to emphasize for myself (and as a recommendation to others) to have a satisfying and nourishing breakfast.

Whether it’s a “usual” breakfast we’re used to eating or something different, it’s so helpful to start off the day feeling satisfied and nourished. My typical go-to, especially on a busy day like Purim, is yogurt with cut-up fruit, a shake of slivered almonds or crushed nuts, and oats or granola. If I’m feeling extra ambitious and if I want something heartier, I prepare an omelet and toast or an egg-wrap.

Gila Glassberg, RDN, Intuitive Eating Coach

Chaya Tziry Retter, RDN, CPT

Esti Asher, MS, RDN, LD

MY TABLE

A

I always offer to bring a fruit or vegetable platter to my in-laws’ seudah and snack on that while I’m there.

I

I personally don’t like eating potato chips and candy as my meal or as the only thing in the day, so I do plan to have a meal for breakfast and lunch.

And because I don’t like that feeling, I’m assuming my kids don’t either. We usually have a regular breakfast like cereal and milk and as the day moves on, we may eat something like bagels or noodles.

At the meal, I serve my children the same way, offering something with protein, carb, fat, and vegetables. They might not eat every component and their meal may look more like carb, carb, and candy, but I’m calm, cool, and collected.

I’m happy that they feel safe around food and the day moves on. It’s nice to plan for success, but we also must know how to breathe and take things in stride.

Heart.Works

NO

W I T A LY

TU

SC

ANINI

K

TA S T

Tomatoes You Can Feel This Passover, treat your dishes to Tuscanini’s rich and flavorful tomatoes sauce collection. Each pomodoro varietal is carefully cultivated and artfully jarred to deliver the finest of authentic Italian tradition to you. Buon appetito!

NAPOLETANA • TRADITIONAL • ZESTY • CLASSIC WELLSPRING / ADAR 5783

97

E

HOLISTIC

C I T S I L O H

98

Jill Friedbauer, MS, PT, NBC-HWC

Gut Health

How SIBO Happens

WELLSPRING / MARCH 2023

Supplementing our diet with good bacteria through fermented foods such as yogurt or probiotic supplements can help balance the good bacteria in our large intestine. But what about the small intestine? Many people are not aware that the small intestine is not supposed to contain much bacteria. An imbalance of good bacteria can lead to a condition known as SIBO (small intestinal bacterial overgrowth), which presents with bloating, nausea, food intolerances, nutrient deficiencies, and more. The good news is that with treatment, these symptoms can improve, solving the mystery of gut issues.

Jill Friedbauer, MS, PT, NBC-HWC of Heal Your Gut with Jill, LLC, is a National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach, Physical Therapist, and author who works together with individuals and their health practitioners to discover the underlying cause of their gut issues.

The Gemara in Chullin (139b) famously asks, “Where do we find Haman in the Torah?”

And the answer Chazal provide is in Parshas Bereishis, where Hakadosh Baruch Hu asks Adam, “Hamin ha’eitz…—Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat?” The flawed perspective Adam employed, which incited his cheit and its devastating repercussions, was also the impetus for Haman’s disgrace: the focus on what they couldn’t have.

Shiffy Friedman

Spiritual Health

Change of Focus

When Adam and Chavah were introduced to Gan Eden, they were told they could partake of the fruits from any of the many exquisite trees—except one, the Eitz Hada’as. And that was the tree they ended up eating from. In the same vein, because Haman chose to focus on what he lacked—Mordechai’s subservience—instead of the riches, fame, and power he did have, he wound up with a crushing downfall.

At this time of year, when we seek to usher more simchah into our hearts, it would do us much good to remember the devastating repercussions of the hamin ha’eitz mentality, and be mindful of the downward spiral of Haman’s discontentment despite the many blessings he could have enjoyed. When we choose to be mindful of the gifts we do have—the many fruit-filled trees that dot our beautiful life—we experience the joy we seek. Whether through keeping a gratitude journal or taking a few minutes every day to mentally or verbally list just a fraction of our blessings, we gift ourselves with a joy that emanates from basking in Hashem’s love for us.

Shaindy Oberlander, BS, INHC

Nutritional Health

In addition to her work as a writer, teacher, and counselor, Shiffy Friedman is the founding director of LAHAV, an initiative that spreads awareness about the pathways to connection, contentment, and inner peace through Torah. To sign up to receive her messages on the topic, please write to info@lahavinitiative.org.

Glowing Skin Here’s another reason to take good care of your liver: liver health impacts your glow. In addition to playing a key role in optimizing skin health and glow, liver health impacts vision, as well.

The liver works hand in hand with the gallbladder to help excrete fatty substances the body no longer needs, including old hormones that are hanging around and making us feel and look dull.

For vibrant and glowing skin, we need a happy liver that works well. Any potentially harmful substances we put on our skin, such as toxic skincare products, have to pass through the liver before they are eliminated—so changing over to natural skin products can literally help you glow.

Shaindy Oberlander, BS, INHC, a graduate from Mercy College and IIN, runs her functional medicine-based nutrition practice in Toms River NJ and virtually. Shaindy has tracks for teens, nursing and pregnant mothers, women peri/post menopause, and tracks for women suffering from hormonal issues. She can be reached at 347.228.1198 or via her website at www.benefithealthprogram.com.

If you’re a health practitioner and would like to contribute to this column, please write to info@wellspringmagazine.com.

WELLSPRING / ADAR 5783

99

Heart.Works

CRUNCHY & CORNY WITHOUT THE CORN

T-HEALTHY

TRES S

CASSAVA

AB

ORES TO

3

ADOS ST

MADE WITH HEAR

FLAVORS

HER FOR KOS

PESACH

CHILI LIME

‫כשר לפסח‬

SWEET BBQ SEA SALT

Made from heart-healthy cassava, Heaven & Earth™ Grain-Free Tortilla Chips boast a lower calorie count, are higher in fiber, and richer in nutrients than corn, making them a formidable alternative to the traditional tortilla chip.

They come in 3 flavors: Sea Salt, Sweet BBQ, and for that extra zing, Chili Lime.

Experience this tasty chip and its rewarding crunch.

Mmmm, It’s Heaven!