Wellspring Issue #63 by The Wellspring

EDITION 450+ PAGES MEGA PESACH

APRIL 2021 // NISSAN 5781 // ISSUE 63

THE HEALTH MAGAZINE FOR THE JEWISH FAMILY

Medical Saga

Fascinating Wellspring Survey: How has COVID-19 impacted your wellbeing?

I healed from one health issue and watched my sciatica disappear

150+ respondents

Follow-Up You met these practitioners in our pages before. What are they up to now?

Ten Reasons Why You Can’t Lose Weight By Tamar Feldman, RDN, CDE

How to minimize the effects of varicose veins Dr. Chayala Englard

10 Questions for Yoel Friedman of WellTab

Unplugged Will I Gain or Lose on a Social Media Diet? Plus! Mrs. Faigie Zelcer weighs in on the subject

Laura Shammah on preventing and alleviating constipation

‫זה‬ ‫היום‬ ‫עשה‬ ‫ה׳‬ My Other

Birthday Celebrating the day when I was gifted a second lease on life

Exclusive contribution by Mrs. Perl Abramowitz

Her Legacy 39 women answer the question: What have you learned from your mother?

Wellspring Community On Managing Seasonal Allergies

Chaya Shifra Sadoff answers your most urgent sleep-related questions 5 New Columns! Energize with Elky Friedman ⋅ FYI ⋅ Sample ⋅ Random ⋅ Best Medicine

6 true accounts APRIL

Mental Health Panel

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Dr. David Lieberman Rabbi Ezra Friedman Rebbetzin Basie Rosenblatt, LCSW Mrs. Chani Juravel, LCSW

/ NISS AN 5781

/ ISSU

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Editor In Chief Shiffy Friedman Editorial Assistants Esther Kahan Meira Lawrence Libby Silberman Nutritional Advisory Board Dr. Rachael Schindler Laura Shammah, MS, RDN Tamar Feldman, RDN, CDE Bashy Halberstam, INHC Shaindy Oberlander, INHC Shira Savit, MA, MHC, CHC Nutrition Contributors Tanya Rosen, MS CAI CPT Shani Taub, CDC Health Advisory Board Dr. Chayala Englard Chaya Tilla Brachfeld, RN Fitness Advisory Board Syma Kranz, PFC Esther Fried, PFC Child Development Advisory Board Friedy Singer, OTR/L Roizy Guttmann, OTR/L Coordinating Editor Liba Solomon, CNWC Feature Editors Rochel Gordon • Rikki Samson Proofreaders Faige Badian • Meira Lawrence Peri Kahan

FOOD CONTENT Food Editor Esther Frenkel Recipes Yossi & Malky Levine Charnie Kohn Elky Friedman Styling & Photography Malky Levine Charnie Kohn Pessi Piller ART & PRODUCTION Creative Director Aryeh Epstein Designer Rivky Schwartz Digital Media Rivkah Shanowitz ADVERTISING Executive Account Manager Goldy Ungar 718-412-3309 Ext.2 ads@wellspringmagazine.com SUBSCRIPTION 718-437-0761 subscribe@wellspringmagazine.com DISTRIBUTION Weekly Publications INC. 347-782-5588

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The Wellspring Magazine is published monthly by Wellspring Magazine Inc. All rights are reserved. Reproduction in whole or in part or in any form without prior written permission from the publisher is prohibited. The publisher reserves the right to edit all articles for clarity, space and editorial sensitivities. The Wellspring Magazine assumes no responsibility for the content or kashrus of advertisements in the publication, nor for the content of books that are referred to or excerpted herein. The contents of The Wellspring Magazine, such as text, graphics and other material (content) are intended for educational purposes only. The content is not intended to substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the advice of your health care provider with any questions you have regarding your medical condition.

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EDITOR'S NOTE

We Thought We Wouldn’t Be Here

ne year ago, my family came into Pesach still in pleasant shock over the miracle my father had experienced. As I shared in this space then, he was one of those who merited to survive his frightening COVID-19 ordeal. Although I was with my young family miles away from him and my mother over Yom Tov, in our hearts we felt so together, ripples of gratitude filling the vast ocean between us. It is now a year later and although that gratitude is still deep and alive, life happened in between. And as is the nature of man, the gifts with which we are constantly showered, moment by moment, gradually lose their luster. Working on this expanded issue of Wellspring, however, helped bounce me back into that mode. Oh, and also the fact that we almost didn’t make it to be with our family for Yom Tov this year. While we had planned all winter to fly in to the States from Eretz Yisrael for a family simchah and stay on for Pesach, as our departure date drew near, the skies were still hermetically sealed. We started gently introducing the idea to our children that maybe, just maybe, their countdown chart with the neatly patterned colored stickers was leading toward the day we would be participating in their beloved aunt’s wedding in our hearts only. And then, suddenly, with the encouragement of daas Torah, we had a promising update for them. When my husband broke the news to our children that, yes, we would indeed be flying, and I watched them jump up and down, singing “Thank You, Hashem” in delight, the thought that kept crossing my mind was, “Look how much more we appreciate that which we thought we had lost.” It was davka because they’d entertained the thought

WELLSPRING / APRIL 2021

that the trip might be canceled that their joy was so boundless, that they didn’t take the experience for granted.

n this issue’s special theme section, My Other Birthday, we bring you six true accounts of individuals who experienced just that. Because they regained the gift of health after fearing they were losing it, these people now celebrate that day as their new birthday, appreciating their second lease on life. Imagine if we could feel that way without having to endure those heart-stopping moments. Imagine if I could feel so grateful to be dancing at my sister in law’s wedding without having first thought I might not be there. I recently had a conversation with a very special woman who lost her young husband to a heart attack. She shared that every time she looks at a family picture from “before” she tries to connect to the woman smiling back at her. Did that carefree woman realize the gift she had, the gift of an intact family? No, she surmises. She didn’t. “Remind women to appreciate what they have while they still have it,” she asked of me. “There will always be things we wish we could have, things we feel like we’re lacking, but we can always look at what we do have and be grateful for that.” At first thought, it’s hard for us to imagine the sheer appreciation for freedom the Yidden who left Mitzrayim experienced during those fateful moments. After having endured backbreaking labor in captivity, the simple joy of being free men and women was exhilarating enough for them. For us to feel that same joy seems inconceivable, but if we focus on noticing the gifts we are being granted moment by moment, that kind of appre-

ciation becomes within reach. Chayav adam liros es atzmo ke’ilu hu yatza miMitzrayim. Chazal obligated us to see ourselves as if we—in our flesh— left Mitzrayim because only with this perspective can we really connect to the gift of freedom: I’m deeply aware of what I now have. Therefore, I can truly appreciate it.

hroughout this issue, there’s a great emphasis on this concept. Whether in Medical Saga, Cup of Tea, or Journal of a Patient, we come away with an appreciation for the gift that is our health and for the awe-inspiring healing capacity Hashem planted into nature and medicine. This is a health magazine, yes, but it’s about so much more. It’s not only about which foods fuel us best or which exercise most speeds up the metabolism. It’s Wellspring, where we explore what constitutes true health, from the inside out. And part of that is living a life of connection. When we feel grateful, when we take the time to notice what we’re blessed with, we become infused with positive energy, which fuels every facet of our health. Every breath becomes a cause for celebration. May all of us be gebentcht with all the reasons in the world to be grateful today and every day.

n a m d e i r F y Shiff

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“Just like we can’t eat today for tomorrow, we need to work every day to keep our body and mind in tune with each other at all times, which gives us the space to truly connect to Hashem.”

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CONTENTS

APRIL 2021 NISSAN 5781 ISSUE 63 Our next issue will appear on Wednesday, May 5th iy"H.

WELL INFORMED 46

Springboard

Spiritual Eating

60 Torah Wellspring 66

Health Updates

Insider: Muscles

Wellspring Community

FYI

NEW COLUMN!

LIVING WELL 90 Fitness

155

MIDLIFE MATTERS By Dr. Rachel Schwartz You’ve made it! You’ve reached the proverbial top of the hill, having spent the last two decades or so engaged in the rushrush of daily life. Now, as you’re entering a new stage, you know to expect changes. Here are some tidbits of information I gathered over years of experience with women in midlife years.

Ask the Nutritionist

Dedicated to Health

105 Mindset Switch 109 Cup of Tea 158 Best Medicine

NEW COLUMN!

208 At the Dietitian 226 Healthy-Ish

WELLBEING 232 Revisiting 234 Emotional Eating 236 Child Development

341

304 Intuitive Eating Growth Log

60+ pages

416 Random

SEASONED

FAREWELL NEW COLUMN!

NEW COLUMN!

120 SAMPLE By Libby Silberman Frankly, it is a confusing world out there, full of new-age holistic wellness. With all there’s available today, who’s out to make a buck on your naïveté? What’s the real deal? So, I humbly present myself, your lab Sample, to experiment with some of the lesser-known and better-known rages out there. I will attempt them one by one — each method, technique, and modality out there. With my hand on my heart, I pledge full honesty in reporting my findings.

MEDICAL SAGA As told to Faigy Schonfeld I finally went to see an orthopedist. I remember sitting on the exam table, being told to lift my left leg. That was no problem. But when he asked me to shift my right leg, I had no range of motion; I could barely lift it. The orthopedist promptly diagnosed me with sciatica and gave me a prescription for physical therapy.

108

138

PRESSURE RELEASE By Dr. Chayala England With Pesach upon us, all the cleaning and cooking we so lovingly perform puts a bit of a strain on our bodies. The legs especially take the brunt while we cook and bake for many hours. Leg swelling and varicose veins are common around this time of year. However, there are various treatment options that can bring happiness to those load-bearing limbs.

WELLSPRING / NISSAN 5781

CONTENTS

WELLBEING SURVEY By Shiffy Friedman How has the pandemic impacted your emotional state? 150+ RESPONDENTS

254 184

SPECIAL THEME SECTION By Wellspring contributors 6 moving accounts of individuals who received a second lease on life, who experienced a medical miracle they’ve been celebrating every year since.

JOURNAL OF A PATIENT By Michal Moskowitz

242 MENTAL HEALTH PANEL Conducted by Shiffy Friedman and Libby Silberman In your practice, what do you consider one common issue that people struggle with today? 40

WELLSPRING / APRIL 2021

Although I felt better from the clean eating, I still kept gaining weight. Seven months after the surgery, I weighed 55 pounds more than before and felt bloated. But worst of all, I was chronically running low on energy.

200

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CONTENTS

308

UNPLUGGED By Gitty Heiman And so, I’m ready to give this a try. For the next thirty days, I’m going on a social media strike. How’s that for a 30-day crash diet?

UNSHACKLED By Libby Kasten Windows sparkle, floors shine. The closets and drawers are spanking clean. Here, nine individuals share how they’ve achieved an internal clean-up, uprooting erroneous beliefs that held them hostage, so they could experience true freedom.

320 282

HER LEGACY By Shiffy Friedman 39 women answer the question: What have you learned from your mother? 42

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SPRINGBOARD

On COVID-19, Vocal Cord Health, Thyroid Issues, and More

She’s Singing Again Issue #62: Cover Feature

Thank you for an informative, insightful publication that I look forward to reading every month. I was very inspired by Shaindy Plotzker’s medical saga, which she courageously shared in the Purim issue. She’s not the only one who is grateful that her voice has made a comeback, baruch Hashem. Our family is too, as she has entertained our sick daughter a number of times through her beautiful, moving songs. 46

WELLSPRING / APRIL 2021

May we be zocheh to use our gifts for only good things! Name withheld

Vocal Cord Hygiene 101 Issue #62: Cover Feature

I would like to thank Shaindy for her inspirational and heartfelt story, detailing her struggle with her voice, and the excellent outcome she was

fortunate to have. As a speech-language pathologist specializing in the treatment of voice disorders in adults and children, and a trained singer myself, I can imagine the fear and challenges something like that can cause. As a teacher and singer, you’re what we call an “occupational voice user.” You rely heavily on your voice each day. In fact, teachers have the highest risk factor as occupational voice users, with a prevalence of voice disorders at a staggering 57.7 percent, with female teachers at a much higher risk

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Quick Question

SPRINGBOARD

Question: My father, 62, had COVID-19 in September. He is still suffering from fatigue and has difficulty breathing. He is not the same as he was before. My father had no preexisting conditions, is not overweight, and was not hospitalized. He got oxygen at home, took antibiotics his doctor prescribed, and is still taking supplements. He is still unable to return to work, and his situation is taking a toll on him and my mother in many ways. What can we do to help him get better?

Answer: First, I’m sorry to hear about your father’s—and family’s—situation. He is not alone. There are many reports about people suffering from post-acute COVID-19 syndrome. The main symptoms are dyspnea and fatigue. Some are coughing, suffering from joint pain, and becoming tired after the least bit of exertion. Doctors and infectious disease specialists are faced with daily challenges as each patient’s symptoms vary. Teens who have had COVID are sometimes unable to concentrate, and seniors have been experiencing more pronounced memory loss. The most common lingering symptom is loss of taste and smell, which can last many months, and some report experiencing metallic tastes. Still others have experienced hair loss. Mayo Clinic has reported of individuals needing a long nap after doing even a small chore like sorting laundry. Interestingly, the symptoms are not age related. Researchers are discovering new facts daily and are recommending rehabilitation. As they put it, “We are building the airplane while flying it at the same time.” Currently, they recommend breathing therapy, yoga, and plenty of rest. Nutrition and hydration are critical too to help support the immune system. Make sure your father has three nutrient-rich meals every day. Nutritional supplements to strengthen lungs or other parts of the body that may have been affected are very helpful, so make sure he keeps taking them. Your father may also benefit from speaking to a therapist or coach who is caring and sensitive to posttrauma situations. Patients with positive attitudes and a pleasant environment have been found to recover more quickly. Support him through his ordeal and remind him that this takes time. Encourage him to find something enjoyable and easy to do or listen to, or arrange to have him visited by positive, caring individuals who will not aggravate the situation by giving too much advice or unnecessary treatment. Refuah sheleimah, Miriam Schweid, kinesiologist and health consultant

than male teachers (Gray, Merill, and Parsa, 2004). You are correct about how we often take things like speaking for granted, until G-d forbid, it becomes difficult. I’m glad you were fortunate enough to be in the care of such wonderful experts who helped you recover. Vocal cord nodules is a voice disorder classified as hyperfunctional, meaning they typically form from overuse and/or misuse of the voice. They are benign growths that form into calluses, usually in a 48

WELLSPRING / APRIL 2021

pair—one on each vocal cord, parallel with each other. They are often the culprit for the hoarse voices in children who sing, learn, and play with loud voices. Although in some cases, surgery may be required, usually voice therapy with a licensed speech pathologist is recommended as the first line of treatment. This is because voice therapy is often very effective in helping the vocal cords heal, without the risk of surgery. For occupational voice users like teaching, singers, salesmen, speakers,

etc., many precautions need to be taken to ensure optimal vocal performance. We call this vocal hygiene. It can include keeping yourself well-hydrated, avoiding environmental irritants (e.g., allergies, noxious fumes, dust, etc.), and necessary dietary modifications to avoid foods and drinks that can cause irritation through acid reflux or increased mucus. Of significant importance is rest. I often tell my clients who are teachers: you are a vocal athlete; you must rest

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Question: My child is so picky. With Pesach coming up and the food options even more restricted, how can I help my son nourish himself properly?

Answer: Pesach can be a challenging time for kids with selective eating tendencies. And it can be even more challenging for the parents. Keep in mind that this is a Yom Tov. We are celebrating our departure from slavery in Mitzrayim. The best way to encourage your children to connect with both the traditions and with food is to serve both joyfully. Have some familiar food items on hand, but also consider doing a dry run with some unfamiliar foods. Introduce these foods before Yom Tov so that by the time Pesach comes around, they are familiar and more likely to be accepted by your children. Talk about what these foods mean to you. Prepare them (or buy them) together. Try them in different ways. But remember, it’s all about the joy. 50

WELLSPRING / APRIL 2021

Pediatric Nutrition

SPRINGBOARD

your voice if you want to keep it in shape. Finding vocal rest periods during the day, even for a couple of minutes, can have huge benefits. Speaking style is also extremely important. There are other tools in the toolbox besides your voice. Even voice use can be modified so that you learn to control pitch and loudness to avoid strain throughout the day. These concepts are applied to every occupational voice user, regardless of industry, to help maintain a healthy and strong voice. Should hoarseness or vocal pain (odynophonia) persist for more than two weeks, seek the consultation by a laryngologist (ENT specializing in the evaluation of voice and upper airway disorders). I am so glad you found your path to success, and hope you continue to spread joy and happiness. Here are my recommendations:

vocal

hygiene

• Drink plenty of water throughout the entire day, especially during speaking tasks. • Get plenty of rest at night and try to find brief vocal rest periods during the day. • Ensure there is healthy ventilation and avoid inhalation of pollutants. • Ensure good posture to improve alignment of vocal subsystems. • If you have acid reflux, follow a basic reflux diet to cut out excess acid and caffeine from your diet. • Resolve congestion (via saline spray, humidifiers, etc.) to avoid postnasal drip, which can impact vocal performance. • Avoid lengthy telephone calls at night, when the voice is already tired

and in need of rest. Yosef Klein, MA-CCC, SLP Brooklyn, New York Yosef Klein is a Speech-Language Pathologist and the founder of Klein Speech & Voice Solutions. He treats children and adults and has offices in Boro Park and Williamsburg.

Move On

Issue #62: Ask the Nutritionist

The question nutritionist Shani Taub answered about how to maintain a healthy diet on Shabbos is, as she notes, quite common. Somehow, it’s easier for us to have our weekly system down pat. The response Shani provided offered a lot of excellent advice and food for thought. I would like to address one aspect that wasn’t covered in the answer: what happens after the fact. So yes, I may be very prepared beforehand with many healthy dishes, and I might even consume only healthy foods throughout the meal. But what happens if I do end up overfilling on dessert? For many of us, how we react to that “binge” will determine how much longer our unhealthy eating will last. The quicker and more easily we can move past it, to realize that it is what it is and this is what happened, we can find ourselves returning to our healthier eating habits sooner. We can realize that right now is a new moment, with a new opportunity to make

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WELLSPRING / NISSAN 5781

SPRINGBOARD

heathy choices. On the other hand, if we berate ourselves for what we’ve done, if we harp over its repercussions, if we go down the guilt path and see this as having gone “off the plan,” we may just continue stuffing ourselves with food for a long, long time. The healthier our approach is to healthy eating—realizing that we’re doing it because it’s good for us, and when we do eat unhealthy foods every now and then, it’s not the end of the world—the more likely it is that we’ll keep engaging in it. Mindy Danziger, RD

As Rabbi Friedman notes, it’s easy for us to keep thinking, “If not for corona.” I myself have found myself thinking along those lines countless times. Whether it’s missed simchos, ruined travel plans, and so many other repercussions, from small nuisances to great calamities, I tend to think, “If only COVID wouldn’t stand in the way…” This article jolted me, in a good way. Thanks for the reminder. Blimi P.

Not to Stop the Trembling

Issue #61: Ask the Nutritionist

Laura Shammah’s article on sugar cravings in children was excellent. I would like to add that in the case of our adolescent daughter, she had a blood sugar imbalance that had to be treated. Only afterward did her cravings decrease. Name withheld

If Not for Corona

I appreciated the message in the article that difficulties are not the obstacle that needs be eliminated; the challenges themselves are good for us and when we view them this way, the hardship decreases. This reminded me of a wise line I heard from Warren Buffet. He admitted that he didn’t take lessons on how to stop his legs from trembling when he addressed an audience in a public setting. Instead, he learned how to speak in public even when his legs are trembling. The work is not to get rid of challenges, only to embrace them and view them as an opportunity for growth.

Issue #62: Torah Wellspring

I appreciate every single one of Rabbi Ezra Friedman’s profound, inspiring, and moving articles. They leave me with much food for thought and have a record of touching upon subjects that are close to heart and so worthy of introspection. I particularly enjoyed the Torah Wellspring piece in the Purim issue. 52

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While I believe all practitioners are well-meaning, they may simply be uninformed about the particular area in which we need specific guidance and treatment. It’s important to keep an open mind and explore issues further until we finally come upon a solution that works for us. With much appreciation for an excellent magazine,

Issue #61: Torah Wellspring

Root of the Craving

I turn to first every month. I find her articles to be well-researched and highly informative. The article on abnormal thyroid levels was especially relevant to me because I’m one of those women Tamar describes: the doctors kept telling me my levels were normal, but I was definitely experiencing thyroidrelated symptoms that weren’t getting treated.

K. Engel

Are Your Thyroid Levels Normal? Issue #61: Cover Feature

Tamar Feldman’s column is the one

Judy K.

I Grew, but Why Then? Issue #61: Wellbeing Feature

I drew much chizuk from the feature titled “Grow Where You Are Planted.” So many times in my life, I’ve wondered why Hashem put me in the position I was in. I felt frustrated when it appeared like I was struggling with something difficult while most people around me seemed to be “getting away with it.” Interestingly, it was when my son was sick with the machlah that I suddenly felt at peace. Hashem gave me an incredible koach of acceptance. Davka at a time when I should have been questioning most—all of his friends were leaving to summer camp just when he was starting treatment—my heart was in pain for him, but I felt a certain sense of

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SPRINGBOARD

My grandmother has so much going for her in her life, but the void she feels since my grandfather’s passing is one that’s hard for us to fill. That one Shabbaton—and she has benefited from the organization in other ways too—gives her something no one else can.

Esther D.

With much appreciation for featuring this awe-inspiring organization run by the dedicated Mrs. Waldman and Mrs. Halberstam,

Filling Bubby’s Void

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Issue #62: Ten Questions

I first heard about Samchainu when I called my grandmother one Friday to wish her gut Shabbos and I could hear there was a lot going on around her. In a voice filled with excitement she told me she was actually on a bus with widows like her—many of them in her age range (low seventies), heading to a Shabbaton together. I couldn’t believe my ears. My grandmother is a real no-nonsense, formal woman and there she was, practically giggling as she spoke, in full camp mode. When I spoke to her after Shabbos, she was so moved by what she had experienced.

Wholesome I came across your magazine while spending Shabbos at my sister-inlaw’s house and I just want to let you know how impressed I am. It’s so beautiful to see a publication that is not only focused on physical health with an emphasis on balance, but also overall health, including spiritual and emotional. I love that your approach to mental health is Torah-based and positive. The design is beautiful and attractive, and I’ve already clipped

the recipe for whole wheat bagels, which I look forward to trying after Pesach. Kudos for putting out a wholesome magazine that is so appropriate for the frum community in every way. Much continued hatzlacha, Sara Rochel L.

Regards from My Yogurt Issue #62: Well-Spent

Just writing to let you know that we’re on to our second batch of homemade yogurt! I love your WellSpent column and have picked up some great tips there. Feeding the kids healthy, nourishing meals leaves quite a strain on our already measly budget, and I’m so grateful to you for constantly inspiring us to think “outside the wallet.”

Get in touch! Wellspring invites readers to submit letters and comments via regular mail or email to info@wellspringmagazine.com. We reserve the right to edit all submissions and will withhold your name upon request. We will honor requests for anonymity, but we cannot consider letters that arrive without contact information.

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Gratefully yours, Ahuva P.

Any health information, advice, or suggestions published here are the opinion of the letter writer and are not independently investigated, endorsed, or validated by Wellspring. Always seek the advice of a qualified health professional or medical practitioner regarding any medical advice, condition, or treatment.

closeness to Hashem at that time. It’s been years since he’s baruch Hashem healed, but I sometimes wonder what it is about these huge nisyonos that makes us more accepting than smaller nuisances, which can leave us feeling so frustrated.

Luzee’s Proud Kadesh Turn the page for the bigger picture WELLSPRING / NISSAN 5781

Meet Luzee: The seder has just begun, the table is beautifully set, and Luzee is making kiddush by himself in his favorite silver becher brimming with purple grape juice. He's conﬁdent, doesn't trip on a single syllable, his voice loud and clear. Luzee's family is silent and proud.

You see Luzee’s beaming face. Behind it is a bigger picture. At Hamaspik School, between Purim and Pesach, Luzee's teachers helped him practice pouring, holding, and making kiddush on his precious becher, over and over again. Luzee was determined. And the dedicated Hamaspik School staff turned his dream into a reality.

A Project of Hamaspik Kings

SPIRITUAL EATING By Rabbi Eli Glaser, CNWC, CWMS

No Strings Attached How Can I Ensure That My Commitment Will Last?

The first stage of Matan Torah began with the Yidden leaving Mitzrayim and entering the Midbar: “And it was when Pharaoh sent out the nation.” The Torah makes four references to the Yidden in those two verses (Shemos 13:17-18). The first three times it uses the rather nondescript title of ha’am, the nation, and the fourth, it uses the more direct name, Bnei Yisrael, as it says: “and Bnei Yisrael went up ‘vachamushim’ from the land of Egypt.”

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Commenting on this verse, the Kli Yakar asks what’s different about the phrase, “And Bnei Yisrael went up ‘v’chamushim’ from the land of Mitzrayim” that it warrants the name change to the term “Bnei Yisrael?”

arms anyway? They weren’t students of war, schooled in advanced battle techniques. If anything, one would assume that a group of newly freed slaves would grab simple sticks and rocks to protect themselves.

Also, how do we accurately translate the word chamushim? One definition is “to be armed,” as in possessing multiple weapons of battle. If so, asks the Kli Yakar, that appears to be a disparaging comment on the nation. We can wonder: Where was their trust in Hashem as they left Egypt? Why did they feel the need to stockpile weapons in anticipation of conflict, as if that would save them from defeat? Additionally, what were the Jewish people doing with sophisticated

Another translation offered for chamushim is “one fifth,” meaning that only 20 percent of the Jewish people left Mitzrayim. The remaining 80 percent had not wanted to leave and were killed during makkas choshech (Shemos 10:22). How do we reconcile these disparate translations of the word “chamushim” and address the seemingly significant lack of bitachon the Jewish people had, necessitating them to collect weapons for protection?

The Kli Yakar provides a magnificent answer. True, he says, Klal Yisrael was armed, as the word vachamushim implies, but not with swords and shields. They were armed with the Chumashim, the five books of Torah. But how? They had yet to stand at Har Sinai and they hadn’t even crossed the Yam Suf, only after which they are credited with possessing complete and undivided trust in Hashem. Nevertheless, says the Kli Yakar, immediately upon committing to enter the barren desert without questioning how they would survive, they displayed the requisite emunah to be called “Bnei Yisrael” and no longer just “the nation.” They were armed with the Torah even though they were 50 days from Har Sinai and a week away from Kri’as Yam Suf. They were willing to leave, with no strings attached. Writes the Kli Yakar: “The beginning of a sincere acquisition is considered for them as if they are fully rooted in it.” We make health-related commitments all the time — such as to lose weight, eat better, and live a healthier lifestyle. Such commitments are not only good for us physically, but they enable us to fulfill the spiritual commandment of “venishmartem me’od lenafshoseichem,” as well as help us to be more mindful in our avodas Hashem. But often, it only takes a few days before the old habits and behaviors return. When that happens, we may conclude that eating excessively, or consuming foods that aren’t good for us, is our lot in life. But maybe we should be honestly asking ourselves, “How resolute is my commitment? How willing am I to genuinely and completely give up my old ways and make any and all necessary changes needed, no matter how much effort or time is required?” Change can sometimes be difficult but it’s never impossible. Hashem will always help us if we truly and unconditionally want to help ourselves, with no strings attached.

Rabbi Eli Glaser is the founder and Director of Soveya. He is certified as a Nutrition/Wellness Consultant and Weight Management Specialist, with 25 years of coaching and counseling experience, and is maintaining a 130-pound weight loss for more than 16 years. Soveya has offices in Lakewood and Brooklyn, and works with clients via phone and Skype around the world. For more information or to make an appointment, contact Soveya at 732-578-8800, info@soveya.com, or www. soveya.com.

TORAH WELLSPRING By Rabbi Ezra Friedman

Our Present-Day Geulah on Pesach This year, we may still be enslaved; this year, we can be zocheh to our redemption.

On Pesach, we celebrate our exodus from Mitzrayim, the first galus of Klal Yisrael. Out of His great rachmanus, Hashem promised, “I will take you as a nation, and you will be redeemed.” The sefarim tell us that when we celebrate a Yom Tov and commemorate the nissim we experienced in the past that brought us to where we are now, the koach that fueled those miracles shines forth in the present with the same potency—and can bring about redemption at this time, too. 60

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Rav Zvi Hirsh Broide of Kelm compared this to a cyclical train ride. “The time doesn’t pass over the person; the person passes over the time,” he wisely noted. As we “travel” through the year and then come back in full circle, the train stops at various stations, and we derive from each a special ohr that emanates from the particular time of year. Pesach shines upon us the light of geulah—the koach to be re-

deemed, to feel closer to Hakadosh Baruch Hu, and to develop a deepened sense of faith. It is the same ohr the Yidden experienced thousands of years ago when they too were at this station. Of course, we understand that geulah not only refers to physical redemption. The miracle of yetzias Mitzrayim was not only that the Yidden were physically extricated from Mitzrayim; it was also, and perhaps primarily, their nefesh that experienced an exodus. They went from having plunged to the depths of tumah, entrenched in the impurities of Mitzrayim, to becoming cleansed and connected to the Ribbono Shel Olam. The ikar of their redemption was that they were no longer enmeshed in the substances of perceived glory that permeated the Egyptian culture. With their geulah, they left the bondage of warped values and moved toward embracing a connection with Hakadosh Baruch Hu—to receiving the Torah and hearing “Anochi Hashem Elokecha” from the mouth of the Almighty, which filled their hearts with emunah. This is what happens to us every single year, as well. At this time of year, our “train” stops at the station where the magnificent kochos of redemption shine forth. What does this really mean for us? Although we are not physically enslaved at this point in our history, it’s important to consider the nature of slavery so we may understand how we ourselves may be held captive. To make sense of the essential difference between slavery and freedom, we must ask what it is that characterizes a free individual. Targum Onkelos notes in Parshas Vayera that “nefesh” refers to “ratzon,” which means that the essence of a person is his ratzon. The more we live with our ratzon, doing things because we want to do them, the more connected we

will be to ourselves. To illustrate, if a person has a powerful ratzon, for example, to play music, write, or paint—or for spiritual activities like learning and davening—the more engaged he is in these pursuits, the more connected he is to himself. The more involved he is in endeavors that emanate from his ratzon, the more liberated he is. This is because the core difference between slavery and freedom is the extent to which one is unwillingly occupied with fulfilling someone else’s ratzon versus freely operating from their own ratzon. In contrast, when I can’t do what I want—when I can’t engage in pursuits that emanate from my own ratzon—I’m essentially enslaved. We’re accustomed to thinking that in order for this phenomenon to be present, there must be another individual or external force exerting pressure, coercing me to let go of my own ratzon and fulfill theirs instead. But here’s the point we may miss when we maintain this perspective: when we ponder our inner world more deeply, we may observe that the actions we choose to do are not always a reflection of our true will. It may appear like we are making a conscious choice, but it’s not always the case. In reality, we often act under the duress of our own misguided urges; we are held captive by our own selves. This is not the true ratzon that stems from our essence, from our neshamah—it is simply an impulse, and it emanates not from our true selves. Interestingly, we may even confuse our will with our impulse, and vice versa. How can I know if what I’m engaging in emanates from will or urge? The answer is that if, when I do it, I feel happiness in the process, and I feel better after I engaged in it, that’s a sign that I am in my element—I am doing something that emanates from my own will. For example, if I love to do chessed, I draw joy from engaging in it. I feel

good while doing the kind deed, and I feel good afterward. On the other hand, if I consume unhealthy food in abundance, overspend on unnecessary items, or even try pleasing others from a need for their approval, I might believe that I’m doing what I want—after all, no external force is coercing me to do that. But the question is whether this action really emanates from my core ratzon. If it is something I really want, why would I feel uncomfortable, empty, or unfulfilled afterward? That is the proof of something internal yet misguided that is pushing me toward it: I’m being held captive by my impulse. In other words, I can appear to be a free person because no one is actually telling me what to do, but I am essentially a slave because I’m being forced into my actions—by none other than my own self. As long as I’m not doing what I truly want, in line with my true ratzon, I’m in a galus. Sadly, the majority of the world population who appear to be living in a free world are actually operating from internal impulses and urges that control their lives. When we’re driven by our impulses, we’re just as enslaved as the servant who must follow the commands of his master. The more we feel driven by a goal we have an urge to attain or assets we have an urge to acquire, as opposed to wanting them, the more enslaved we are. The neshamah doesn’t need any of this. It wants something else entirely. There are many deeds we do throughout our day that we would never do if we were more connected to our true ratzon. Whether we’re trying to escape a difficult emotion, struggling to live up to an ego-constructed standard or societal construct, or we’re just driven to keep “doing,” we’re essentially enslaved to this powerful force that is keeping us hostage. Even superficial observance

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TORAH WELLSPRING

of Yiddishkeit can be part of the impulse we are describing, because true avodas Hashem that emanates from our ratzon—and is not driven by fears, a need for prestige, or another misguided motive—fills us with contentment. If I’m acting in order to numb emotions such as loneliness, sadness, or unworthiness, it is not because I want, only because I must. I’m distancing myself from my ratzon. And this is essentially an individual’s greatest galus. What Am I Addicted To? The most pronounced form of this kind of slavery is addiction. I don’t want this thing, but I have an urge for it. I feel like I can’t live without it. I’m driven to engage in it or pursue it by an internal force that’s propelling me powerfully. While the word “addiction” seems heavy or foreign to many, and it is usually associated with particular pursuits like alcohol and substance abuse, in essence, addiction refers to any time I do something, not because I want to, but because the urge gets the better of me. Anything I engage in that does not emanate from my ratzon, from the desire that emanates from my nefesh, is a form of bondage. Anything I must do or have that I feel like I can’t live without qualifies as an addiction, whether it’s my morning coffee, good food, or certain clothes or assets. Obviously, the significance of these pursuits may be less pronounced than those of other addictions because the consequences may not be as grave, but they all share a common denominator: it’s not about what I’m pursuing, but why I feel driven to pursue something. The more addicted we are, and the more serious the target of our addition, the more enslaved we are. If so, our question is as follows: How do I free myself of my addictions—of everything I engage in that does not emanate from my ratzon? How do I get rid of these urges? The work is not to escape this force that drives us or to pretend it doesn’t exist; it is to notice what lies under62

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The most pronounced form of this kind of slavery is addiction. I don’t want this thing, but I have an urge for it.

neath it. What drives me to want all this money, food, prestige, or substances? Why do I feel like I can’t live without it? There is something our neshamah seeks, and if it—that is, our real ratzon—is not being fulfilled, these urges come into play. When we do not live according to our ratzon, we feel pain, and our urges enter the picture to help us cope with that pain. It is when we look deeply into ourselves to discover what we really want that those urges will dissipate. They are only there to save us from the pain of not being connected to ourselves. When our neshamah descends into this world and enters our body, our cognition has not yet fully developed, and we live with the joy that emanates from the connection we have to ourselves. As infants, not yet driven by any external or internal force, we do exactly what we truly want. The neshamah is at peace, and this is clearly visible in the glow on a baby’s face. As our sechel develops, we start to learn about the world and form an understanding of what’s going on around us. As we experience times

in which we are not at peace in our environment, we begin to attribute this discomfort to a physical lack. We start to wonder, Maybe I need more of this? Or more of that? The feeling of being at peace, at home, is what the neshamah misses and yearns for, and it will continue to do so until we are zocheh to perceive what it truly seeks. The tzaddikim attain this level of peace in this world because they only chase after their true desires; indeed, through their occupation with Torah, avodah, and gemilus chasadim, an ethereal, calm inner joy emanates from their countenance. During our time in this world, the guf tries to pull us toward counterfeit pleasures and hold us hostage to pursuits that temptingly promise to provide us with the calm and joy that we crave. By misinterpreting our neshamah’s yearning within us, we mistakenly believe that these pleasures will help us find what we’re lacking, and that this is our true will. We find ourselves unwittingly driven by a force that is powerful and addictive, and we become enslaved.

But the choice is ours to become “addicted” to what we really want. As long as we live, we will always have a drive to something, but each of us knows what ultimately leaves us feeling fulfilled and content. Do we want to be addicted to what we really want or to the counterfeit pursuit that will never truly fill us at the end of the day? So, What Do We Really Want? Our most powerful ratzon is to feel connected to our chelek Elokah mimaal—to feel loved by Hakadosh Baruch Hu and secure in His embrace. The more pain we experience and the further we are from these feelings, the more inclined we are to seek pursuits that appear to provide us with these feelings. We may seek avenues that promise the counterfeit of these very real, truly desirable emotions. But as long as we are not filling ourselves from a source that offers the real thing, we will remain

enslaved to our addiction. Every time Moshe Rabbeinu had an audience with Pharaoh to discuss the emancipation of Klal Yisrael, Moshe would say to him, “Redeem the nation and they will work for Hashem.” The entire nusach during yetzias Mitzrayim was never just about leaving Egypt—it was always about serving Hashem. Being freed from shibud Mitzrayim only to become enslaved to our own urges would not have been a true geulah. A lifestyle in which we had no obvious external force exerting control over us might have looked easier, but that was not where we truly wanted to be; that would not have been the geulah we yearned for. When Hashem spoke to the nation about their redemption, He said, “When you will leave Mitzrayim, you will serve Me on this mountain…” Only by receiving the Torah and mitzvos would we really experience geulah. What our nefesh wants is for us to be close to Hakadosh Baruch Hu—

for us to daven to Him, learn His Torah, and feel His presence in our lives. This is the only way to be connected to our true ratzon and be free. True freedom is not characterized by the eradication of external forces. It’s about being a servant—but a servant to what we want and to what is good for us. For us, that means engaging in anything that brings us closer to Hashem. This is our will because it’s the purpose of our entire life in this world. There’s no greater joy than fulfilling it. Every year, on Pesach, we have the opportunity once again to extricate ourselves from the drive that keeps us hostage to counterfeit pleasures. We have the chance to find in ourselves the place that wants to come home and feel at peace, to bask in the freedom of being connected to our true will, which is avodas Hashem. May we be zocheh to connect to what we really want in this world, and to experience the simchah and inner peace that comes as a result.

Rabbi Ezra Friedman welcomes questions and comments on this column. Please write to rabbiefriedman@wellspringmagazine.com.

WELLSPRING / NISSAN 5781

A miraculous journey...

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Mrs. S is 27 weeks pregnant. Her high risk obstetrician diagnosed her with Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome (TTTS), a critical condition which can be fatal to her unborn babies if not operated immediately. She was denied the lifesaving fetal surgery from every hospital in New York Distraught and overwhelmed, the family turns to Chaim Medical Resource and are advised to immediately seek a second opinion with a specialist who can perform an intrauterine fetal surgery. Dr. Ruben Quintero of The Fetal Institute located in Coral Gables, Florida recommended by CMR stated that Mrs. S should be in his office by 7:00am the following morning. Mrs. S’s condition requires close monitoring and IV medications, so how will they safely get to Florida overnight with such short notice?

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UPDATES By Shaindy Klein

Is there anything newsworthy other than COVID-19? For the past year, virtually every study and research endeavor has been focused on the virus that has infiltrated every crevice of our lives. Even the data reporting exponentially less flu cases this past winter has been linked to various COVID-related factors. Everything is about COVID, it appears. That the coronavirus has seriously upended our lives in unimaginable ways is irrefutable, but for this column, we’ve broadened our research to bring you updates that take a look at aspects of health not related to COVID-19. We’re sure you’ve been getting your fair fill on that subject!

Not Too Sweet High blood sugar may lead to a higher risk of cognitive decline and dementia even in those who don’t have fully developed diabetes So, you knew that elevated blood sugar levels are no good for the body, but now a new study indicates that they affect cognitive health in particular. The study, published in Diabetes, Obesity and Metabolism, suggests that keeping blood sugar in the normal range is important for preventing cognitive decline and dementia. The researchers reported that people diagnosed with prediabetes—generally defined as having A1C levels of 5.7–6.4 percent—are 54 percent more likely to develop vascular dementia than people with normal blood sugar 66

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levels (less than 5.7 percent). Lower levels of blood sugar, on the other hand, are associated with better brain health. “Based on previous research and now our own findings… we can certainly say that prediabetes is a high-risk state for people to be in and that we now know it is certainly associated with greater risk of cognitive decline and vascular dementia,” says Victoria Garfield, PhD, the lead study author and a research fellow in genetic epidemiology at University College London’s Institute of Cardiovascular Science. Another reason to keep our glucose levels in check.

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In Full Color Will this advent enable color-blind individuals to see the world the way we do? What’s life like for those with color blindness? In addition to seeing the world in muted shades, some important daily activities, such as determining if a banana is ripe, selecting matching clothes, or stopping at a red light, become almost impossible. Most people with this genetic disorder have trouble discriminating red and green shades, and red-tinted glasses can make those colors more prominent and easier to see. However, these lenses are bulky, and the lens material cannot be made to simultaneously fix vision problems. Researchers have therefore shifted to the development of special tinted contact lenses. Although the prototype hot-pink dyed lenses improved red-green color perception in clinical trials, they leached dye, which led to concerns about their safety. Now, in American Chemical Society Nano, researchers report that infusing contact lenses with gold nanoparticles creates a safer way to see colors. Gold nanocomposites are nontoxic and have been used for centuries to produce “cranberry glass” because of the way they scatter light. Researchers Ahmed Salih, Haider Butt, and colleagues 68

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wanted to see whether incorporating gold nanoparticles into contact lens material instead of dye could improve red-green contrast safely and effectively. To make the contact lenses, the researchers evenly mixed gold nanoparticles into a hydrogel polymer, producing rose-tinted gels that filtered light within 520–580 nm, the wavelengths where red and green overlap. The most effective contact lenses were those with 40 nm-wide gold nanoparticles, because in tests, these particles did not clump or filter more color than necessary. In addition, these lenses had water-retention properties similar to those of commercial ones and were not toxic to cells growing in petri dishes in the lab. Finally, the researchers directly compared their new material to two commercially available pairs of tinted glasses, and their previously developed hot-pink-dyed contact lens. The gold nanocomposite lenses were more selective in the wavelengths they blocked than the glasses. The new lenses matched the wavelength range of the dyed contact lenses, suggesting the gold nanocomposite ones would be suitable for people with red-green color issues—without the potential safety concerns.

Where come true!

This year, you went big with your Aﬁkoman gift. Hamaspik was right there with you. Enjoy!

WELLSPRING / NISSAN 5781

UPDATES

Real Clean A new way to wash leafy greens so they’re bacteria-free When salad and leafy green vegetables are contaminated with harmful bacteria during growing, harvesting, preparation, and retail, it can lead to outbreaks of food poisoning. Because there is no cooking process to reduce the microbial load in fresh salads, washing is vital by both the supplier and the consumer. Washing with bleach or other disinfectants is not recommended, but the crevices in the leaf surface mean washing with plain water may leave an infectious dose on the leaf. Even if chemicals are used, they may not penetrate the crevices. So how can we ensure our leafy greens are not only bug-free but also bacteria-free?

bubbles and acoustic waves down to the leaf. There the sound field sets up echoes at the surface of the leaves and within the leaf crevices, which attract the bubbles towards the leaf and into the crevices. The sound field also causes the walls of the bubbles to ripple very quickly, turning each bubble into a microscopic ‘scrubbing’ machine. The rippling bubble wall causes strong currents to move in the water around the bubble and sweep the microbes off the leaf. The bacteria, biofilms, and the bubbles themselves are then rinsed off the leaf, leaving it clean and free of residues.”

In a new study, published in Ultrasound in Medicine and Biology, scientists used acoustic water streams to clean spinach leaves directly sourced from the field crop, and then compared the results with leaves rinsed in plain water at the same velocity.

The results showed that the microbial load on samples cleaned with the acoustic streams for two minutes was significantly lower six days after cleaning than on those treated without the added sound and bubbles. The acoustic cleaning also caused no further damage to the leaves and demonstrated the potential to extend food shelf life, which has important economic and sustainability implications.

Professor Timothy Leighton of the University of Southampton, who invented the technology and led this research, explains: “Our streams of water carry microscopic

It may take time until technology like this becomes mainstream, but, in many ways, our kashrus restrictions put safety measures in place for us.

WELLSPRING / APRIL 2021

.‫חירות‬ FREEDOM. SAVINGS. ‫א פרייליכן כשר׳ן פסח‬

SAVINGS WORTH THE TRIP

Groceries Spices

Produce Judiaca

Bakery

Toys

Meat

Appliances

Fish

Nuts &

Home Goods

BROOKLYN • MONSEY • LAKEWOOD WELLSPRING / NISSAN 5781

UPDATES

Tip

in a series

Well Spent

Living Healthy on a Budget So you don’t want to consume too much potato starch, but almond flour in large quantities can be prohibitively expensive. Especially if your family tradition is not to purchase commercially prepared ingredients, this is a recipe you’ll appreciate. Here’s how to make your own almond flour. 8 ounces blanched almonds, whole or slivered • Place blanched almonds in a high-speed blender or food processor, and process until finely ground. If using a highspeed blender, be sure not to over-process as almonds will eventually start to release their oils and become almond butter. • For best results, do not blend more than 8 ounces of 72

WELLSPRING / APRIL 2021

almonds at a time. For the most finely-ground results, a blender works best, but the food processor also works for making almond flour recipes. The final product is just slightly grainier. • Store leftover almond flour in an airtight container in a dark pantry, or the fridge or freezer for the longest shelf life. Almond flour can keep well for up to one year if it’s not exposed to heat or moisture.

‫ויהי בחצי‬ ‫הלילה‬

ONE YEAR AGO

COVID-19 took us all by storm, causing tension and uncertainty, as hospital lockdowns separated bedridden patients from their worried families.

But one night, everything changed. That Erev Pesach, the first WellTab tablet was set up, connecting patient and family across Yom Tov. And we’re still going strong today.

3,062

7,803

Tablets activated

Patients connected

365

127

Days

Volunteers

!‫א כשר פרייליכן פסח‬ Get or Donate a tablet at WellTab.org

WELLSPRING / NISSAN 5781

INSIDER By Roizy Baum

THE

MUSCLES

Got Muscle? Muscles are a frequent subject of discussion in the health and wellness community. And for good reason: muscles help us move, they help us function; and the more lean muscle you have, the faster your metabolism operates.

Three Types Muscles are divided into three categories: smooth, cardiac, and skeletal. Smooth muscles are the involuntary muscles that work without you consciously thinking about making them move, e.g. in your gut and blood vessels. Cardiac muscles are in your heart. Skeletal muscles are attached to the bones and help you with everyday activities ranging from sitting and standing to walking, typing, and washing dishes.

Hard Work The heart, the hardest-working muscle in the body, pumps 5 quarts of blood per minute, and 2,000 gallons of blood daily.

Big Chunk True for most vertebrates, muscles make up a whopping 40 percent of the body weight.

Sleep for Strength Want to build muscle? Go to the gym sleep. Sure, when you go to the gym and lift weights, you’re developing muscle strength. But it’s during the time you’re sleeping that muscles actually grow. When you’re in deep sleep mode, all those hardworking muscles can finally relax, enabling more blood circulation. In addition, hormones are released during sleep that contribute to the repair and restoration of tissues, which is crucial to new muscle tissue formation.

WELLSPRING / APRIL 2021

Biggest in the Bunch Although the heart is the hardestworking muscle, its size does not reflect its function. Instead, the body’s largest muscle is the gluteus maximus, the main extensor muscle of the hip. It helps humans maintain an upright posture. The smallest muscles in the body are alongside the smallest bones: in the ear. These muscles hold the inner ear together and are connected to the eardrum.

Mass Team The body is comprised of more than 600 muscles (by comparison, the skeletal system has 206 bones). These include the muscles you can feel in your arms and legs, as well as muscles deep inside the body, like the ones that keep your heart beating and those that help you digest food.

Strong like a Masseter When it comes to the toughest and strongest muscle, it’s too hard to determine which one wins the competition. The tongue is often credited as the strongest muscle in the human body but there is no consensus on it. What is certain is that the masseter, a muscle in the jaw, is the strongest muscle by weight. It allows the teeth to close with a force of up to 55 pounds on the incisors or 200 pounds on the molars.

Get Moving Gains always happen quicker than losses, right? But when it comes to muscle gains, it’s a tad surprising. While one might lose some muscle if they ditch their morning workout for two months, the rate at which muscle gets lost is slower than the rate at which it’s gained. According to a clinical trial, two months off the workout bandwagon led to a 23 percent loss of strength in study participants, whereas two months with workouts led to a 47 percent increase in muscle strength.

A Matter of Pulling Muscles can pull on bones, but they can’t push them back to their original position. Working in pairs of flexors and extensors, the muscle’s flexor contracts to bend a limb at a joint. So when you’re pushing a door open, for instance, your muscles are actually pulling your elbow and shoulder against the door.

Opposites The motor cortex on one side of the brain controls muscle movement on the other side of the body. That means the motor cortex on the right side of the brain controls the muscles on the left side of the body, while the motor cortex on the left side controls the muscles on the right side.

Inaudible If humans were capable of hearing frequencies lower than 20 Hz (hertz), we would hear our muscles moving.

WELLSPRING / NISSAN 5781

INSIDER

Shorter, Longer

Warm Up

The main quality of muscle fibers is contractibility, which means the muscles can shorten or lengthen as needed. Almost all movement in your body happens because of muscle contractibility.

Exempt The muscles in your arms, legs, and all over need exercise. As you age, you start to lose muscle mass. But if you exercise your muscles with strength training and resistance exercises, you can slow down that process and maintain a mighty muscular system for a long time. Interestingly enough, muscle degeneration due to inactivity does not apply to bears. Despite months of inactivity during hibernation, bears don’t suffer from bone and muscle deterioration. Scientists work on understanding the molecular signals and reproducing it by way of drugs to greatly benefit human health.

WELLSPRING / APRIL 2021

A coat for the body and a warm one at that, muscles create at least 85 percent of total body heat. When muscles contract, they give off some serious warmth. And that’s why you shiver when you’re cold! Your body is attempting to warm itself up by rapidly contracting and relaxing muscles.

Synthetic Muscle A team of material scientists at the University of Texas in Dallas have discovered a way to create powerful artificial muscles from low-cost, everyday fibers. Using fibers from fishing lines and high-tension sewing thread, they created an artificial muscle that can lift 100 times more than normal muscles.

Dart All Around Some of your busiest muscles are those controlling eye movements. Your eye muscles move more than 100,000 times a day. These muscles are constantly making adjustments as you read, glimpse at images or videos, or look around you.

Not That Hard to Smile You know those things you believe since first grade? My apologies for debunking them, but… you do not use 43 muscles to frown and 17 muscles to smile. Only 12 facial muscles make a significant contribution to upturned lips, and only 11 make a contribution to frowning.

Muscle Health Tips from Dr. Charles Gordon, MD Practitioner of Physical Medicine and Rehabilitation at the Southern California Permanente Medical Group Since I often deal with chronic pain caused by physical overuse, allow me to offer some general advice to prevent overuse injury. Obviously, specific cases may vary and personalized approaches requiring professional one-on-one assistance may be necessary. 1. Make sure you maintain a proper posture while engaging in daily activities. A common problem with computer work is that people do not have their keyboard positioned close enough to them. It is important not to reach for the keyboard or mouse because you lose proper posture; instead, keep it close to you. Additionally, to avoid injury, take a 2 to 3 minute break every 20 minutes when doing repetitive work. 2. When bending is required, bend from your knees instead of doubling over. 3. When you have to pick up an object, come as close to it as possible before picking it up rather than reaching for it far out in front of you. 4. Stretch your arms and legs often to avoid tightness which can lead to injury. This is important for people who do repetitive work like typing. 5. When you sit, maintain the normal lordosis in the lumbar spine. In other words, don’t slump or round out your lower back when you sit. 6. When exercising, avoid injury by slowly building up to the routine you want to do over a three-month period. Do mild- to moderate-level exercise, as extreme exercise carries a greater risk of injury.

No Muscle There Excessive finger-wagging will not decrease (or increase!) your ring size. Human fingers are constructed of ligaments, tendons, and three bones. There are no muscles in the fingers. Fingers move by the pull of forearm muscles on the tendons.

Although this is just a general list and merely a drop in the bucket, I cannot stress how many injuries and how much pain can be avoided by observing these rules.

Stay strong, Dr. Charles Gordon

WELLSPRING / NISSAN 5781

The Truth about CBD By Maxi Health Research

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Safety alert: Not all hemp grows equally.

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WELLSPRING COMMUNITY

treating allergies

In this space, we feature a health-related question or predicament submitted by a Wellspring reader. Fellow readers are invited to participate in the conversation by sharing their tried-and-true advice and suggestions. Join the community!

Almost everyone I know looks forward to spring after a long winter, but I dread it. For me, it means seasonal allergies all over again. I would love to hear from fellow Wellspring readers who have found something that actually works for them.

Reflexology can make a big difference, but you need quite a few sessions and you should start about three months before the spring, so this might be something to remember for next year. In the school where I learned reflexology, my mentor shared that all the students who usually have spring fever mentioned having almost no symptoms that year, because we practice on each other—so they all got sessions before springtime. Hay fever symptoms occur because the immune system thinks it’s under attack when pollen enters your body, and it releases the chemical histamine, which leads to cold-like symptoms. By applying pressure through reflexology, you can help reduce inflammation and start to breathe more easily. - Gitty F.

I have found that taking a tablespoon of honey every day before the hay season starts has helped alleviate my symptoms. The explanation I found for this is that the bee pollen in honey can desensitize the body to other pollens. - L. Keilson

I have found that supplements containing quercitin have been helpful in alleviating my symptoms. Also, make sure to keep your windows closed as the weather warms up to keep the pollen out. Homeopathic remedies such as apis help relieve the itch. - Toby P.

Although I still definitely feel the symptoms come spring, drinking chamomile tea as often as I can significantly improves them for me. An antioxidant and antihistamine, chamomile tea contains flavonoids that act as an anti-inflammatory agent. While best taken in tea form during the day, chamomile tea can also be used as an eye compress to cool swollen, red eyes. - Bashi Perl

My husband gets a really bad case of hay fever every year, and the only thing that helps is Benadryl. - Chaya S. I found Maxi Health’s Allergy Support to be very helpful for my seasonal allergies. It contains potent nutrients like pantothenic acid, which helps the body produce natural cortisone that counteracts allergens and alleviates allergic symptoms, as well as MSM (methylsulfonylmethane), which keeps allergens away from mucus membranes and flushes them out of the system. The vitamin C and bioflavonoids help minimize histamine release. They also help the body get rid of histamines once they are released. They act naturally to reduce inflammation the way an inhaler would! I highly recommend this product. For my young kids with seasonal allergies, I give Maxi Health’s Panto C with Elderberry Extract. It's a delicious anti-allergy liquid that contains pantothenic acid, vitamin C and elderberry extract, a rich source of flavonoids and vitamins B1, B2, B6 and C. Elderberry helps fight nasal congestion and mucous discharge. The best part is that they’re excited to take it! - Rachel R.

You might know this already, but it doesn’t hurt to hear it again. It is super important to wash your clothes and leave outerwear outside of your home when you return from being outdoors. Avoid contact with pollen as much as you can. That’s the only way to prevent the immune response from getting triggered. - Shira N.

I wish I could offer a solution, but I still haven’t come upon one yet. This is just a virtual hug, letting you know that there are other sufferers out there who also dread this season—but I try to make the best of it. - Fellow Sufferer

Next Up: What can I do to help prevent or alleviate leg cramps? WELLSPRING / NISSAN 5781

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WELLSPRING / APRIL 2021

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s re g o pr

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l kil

C lo

s my Build

Happy!

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COLOR ME

Trips Painting Swimming Arts n Crafts Food Decorating

Nutritious supper served

Daily 3:30-7:00pm

ALTERNATIVE VIEW

NEW COLUMN!

BY FAIGY SCHONFELD

ROOT CANALS THE HUMAN BODY IS A SINGULAR ORGANISM COMPRISED OF MANY DIFFERENT PARTS—AND IF ONE PART IS SICK (EVEN A TOOTH!), IT CAN POTENTIALLY AFFECT THE REST OF THE BODY. MODERN MEDICINE DOESN’T QUITE FOCUS ON THAT BIT, BUT PLENTY OF SCIENCE EXISTS TO SUPPORT THE CLAIM. TAKE A LOOK.

WELLSPRING / NISSAN 5781

ALTERNATIVE VIEW

WHAT IS A ROOT CANAL?

Answer: a taste of Gehinnom. But okay, if you want the official definition, here it is: the American Association of Endodontists (AAE) defines a root canal as a “treatment [that] carefully removes the pulp inside the tooth, cleans, disinfects and shapes the root canals, and places a filling to seal the space.” So while you’re trapped on the dentist’s chair wondering if there’s still a way to bolt, the dentist is drilling into your tooth and removing the nerves, blood vessels, and other tissues that make up the living pulp within. The next step is disinfecting the hollowed-out tooth and packing it with a rubbery substance called gutta-percha. For that royal finish, the dentist will cap your tooth with a crown (or filling).

The fundamental problem with root canals is simple: the tooth is dead but still connected to your body. You wouldn’t keep a gangrenous toe on your foot because there’s a risk of infection spreading. There are two layers of tissue protecting a tooth’s pulp: the hard enamel that covers the outside of the tooth, and the dentin beneath. Though dentin looks solid, it’s actually made up of miles of microscopic tubules through which fluid flows—tubules that are impossible to sterilize completely. Once the root canal is sealed, any remaining pathogens in the tooth are free to party—and fungi and harmful bacteria love to party, especially in a space so dark, moist, and lacking oxygen. Through years of analyzing extracted root canal teeth, Dr. Boyd Haley has found that more than 90 percent of them are teeming with dozens of different pathogens. These toxins are quite pleased to travel around the body—courtesy of the fact that the tooth remains connected at its roots. Now they can wreak havoc where they go, increasing the risk of degenerative diseases, particularly circulatory and heart disease. Arthritis and joint disease are also common.

WELLSPRING / APRIL 2021

INFECTION SPREADER

‫אינהאלטסרייכע סדר היום‬

‫פערזענליכע באגלייטונג ‪ 24‬שעה‬

‫געשמאקע לעבעדיגע פראגראם‬

‫‪related services‬‬

‫אייער בחור‬ ‫מיט א קאפ‬ ‫העכער‬

‫"ישיבה בנין עולם ‪ -‬קעמפ"‬ ‫האט נישט איר'ס גלייכן!‬ ‫א קעמפ פאר בחורים אין עלטער פון ‪ ,12-17‬צווישן די רואיגע קעטסקיל בערג‪,‬‬ ‫וועלכע פונקציאנירט מיט א רייכע סדר היום וואו זיי שטייגן אין תורה און עבודת‬ ‫השם‪ ,‬אבער אין די זעלבע צייט באקומען זיי ווייטער זייער נויטיגע סערוויסעס‬ ‫פונקט ווי אגאנץ יאר‪ ,‬און די תלמידים ווערן פערזענליך באגלייט דורך די‬ ‫זעלטענע‪ ,‬איבערגעגעבענע סטעף וועלכע זענען אלע פראפעסיאנאלע מומחים‬ ‫אין תורת הנפש‪ ,‬שפראך און סאושעל סקילס‪.‬‬

‫ס""ה אן אויסערגעווענליכע קאמבינאציע‬ ‫פון ישיבה ‪ +‬קעמפ ‪ +‬ספעציעלע באגלייטונג‪.‬‬ ‫גיבט פאר אייער בחור די געלעגנהייט פאר אויסטערלישע אנטוויקלונג אין‬ ‫רוחניות וגשמיות‪ ,‬נאכ'ן זיך געפינען איין זימער אין קעמפ פון ישיבה בנין עולם‪.‬‬

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ALTERNATIVE VIEW

STILL THERE The use of antibiotics has led patients and doctors to worry less about infection, which is particularly problematic in a root canal situation, where we have a dead tooth no longer being supplied with blood. In other words, the antibiotics will not reach the tooth and will not fight the partying devils inside. Not everyone will get sick from a root canal. Having a robust immune system is a powerful antidote to degenerative disease, controlling the bacteria that leak from the root-filled tooth and infiltrate other parts of the body.

NOT JUST THE TOOTH

A number of prominent doctors and dentists have studied root canals and warned of the risks associated with the procedure. Weston A. Price, DDS, conducted dental research over a 25-year period in the early 20th century and was frequently published in many dental journals, including several articles in the Journal of the American Dental Association. He was the chairman of the Research Section of the National Dental Association (1914–1923), the forerunner to the American Dental Association (ADA). While conducting his research, Dr. Price performed many experiments, one of which involved removing an infected tooth from a severely arthritic woman. Dr. Price implanted the infected tooth under the skin of a healthy rabbit. Incredibly, the rabbit developed severe arthritis within 48 hours. Josef Issels, MD, was a retired German oncologist who noticed a correlation between root canals and cancer incidence. In fact, in Cancer: A Second Opinion, Dr. Issels notes that nearly all of the patients he saw in his cancer clinic had infections lingering in “successful” root canal teeth. Each root canal tooth, he said, should be considered “a dangerous toxin producing factory.” George Meinig, DDS, past president of the American Association of Endodontists, made Dr. Price’s discoveries available to the public and medical professionals by writing Root Canal Cover-Up. Research published in the journal Dentistry also found a connection between root canal teeth and systemic health problems. For the study, researchers compared dental x-rays from both healthy as well as chronically ill patients. The x-rays were then examined for signs of apical periodontitis, or infection at the root tips that can develop into an abscess or cyst. The researchers also measured for toxic compounds that have been associated with root canal teeth. Patients with chronic health problems were found to be three times more likely to have infected root canals than patients in good health. More than 40 percent “showed immunological disturbance as a result of root-filled teeth.” Other studies were conducted using DNA technology to identify the multiple pathological bacteria in root canal teeth, as well as in the jawbone. Unfortunately, the American Dental Association still claims the above data to be incorrect, despite having no research to back them up.

WELLSPRING / APRIL 2021

Celebrate together. Wishing Klal Yisroel

Aaron Klein, LUTCF General Agent aaronklein@financialguide.com

Jacob Kahan, CLTC General Agent jkahan@financialguide.com

MassMutual Brooklyn 5914 11th Avenue, Brooklyn, NY 11219 718-682-7873 • www.brooklyn.massmutual.com

Insurance Representatives of Massachusetts Mutual Life Insurance Company (MassMutual), Springfield, MA 01111-0001, and its affiliated US Insurance companies. Local firms are sales offices of MassMutual, and are not subsidiaries of MassMutual or its affiliated companies. Insurance products issued by Massachusetts Mutual Life Insurance Company (MassMutual), Springfield, MA 01111, and its affiliated US insurance companies. Securities and investment advisory services offered through MML Investors Services, LLC, Member SIPC® and a MassMutual subsidiary. Supervisory Office: 5914 11th Avenue, Brooklyn, NY WELLSPRING / NISSAN 5781 11219. 718-879-1700. CRN202011-221065

ALTERNATIVE VIEW

AN OUNCE OF PREVENTION

Sometimes, you can get away with murder. That is, through sticking to a nutrient-dense, high-fat soluble vitamin diet, you can often prevent tooth decay and the resulting fun of dealing with it. Dr. Price developed a protocol that, when followed carefully, was over 95 percent effective at healing decay without dental surgery. I’m fairly certain the protocol did not include junk food, processed food, or other (perhaps sinfully delicious) goodies that lack these special fat-soluble vitamins. Aside from avoiding the bad guys, it’s important to eat foods that contain the vitamins and minerals that promote the rebuilding of the hard, glassy layer on the tooth. Fat-soluble vitamins are vitamins A, D, E, and K from whole-food sources. Dental surgery and fluoride are not the only way to heal tooth decay. Now may be just the right time to send those taffies packing.

WELLSPRING / APRIL 2021

WHAT TO DO WHEN IT’S ALREADY TOO LATE It’s kind of sad when you realize that your innocent root canal tooth has been hanging around all this time, potentially stirring up trouble. Removing the tooth is advised even for healthy people, but for seriously ill patients it may be critical for recovery. Your best bet is to work with a holistic or biological dentist (a dentist who uses non-toxic diagnostic and therapeutic approaches), trained in proper root canal extraction methods and use of the safest biocompatible materials. These dentists often use a procedure called cavitation surgery, in which the diseased bone is removed, and the site is thoroughly cleaned. Merely extracting the tooth may not be enough. Bacteria may linger in the tissues and bone just adjacent to the tooth’s root, which is why some dentists recommend slowspeed drilling to remove 1 mm of the bony socket. Dr. Meinig also outlines a specific protocol for removing root canal teeth in Root Canal Cover-Up.

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FITNESS

The Ultimate At-Home Workout This Pesach, turn your home into a gym By Syma Kranz, PFC She’s in the tiny Pesach kitchen, contemplating whether or not to indulge on another slice of potato kugel. After all, she wasn’t at the gym all week anyway, so these few calories won’t make a difference to the added pileup. If this sounds like you, it’s a good thing you’re reading this now. You don’t need a gym to get an intense cardio workout. It’s actually possible for you to keep your metabolism stoked throughout Yom Tov from the comfort of your home! Follow these tips to burn calories and rev up your spirit—even while supervising the soup on your stove. 90

WELLSPRING / APRIL 2021

1. Maximize Your Daily Habits Change a few daily habits to incorporate movement into your life. Slip into your sneakers and turn up the music to get yourself into the right mindset. Because you want to be more active, choose to do the chores you’d usually pass up to your cleaning help. Whether you’re washing the windows, vacuum cleaning the floors, or scrubbing a tub, give it your all. By exerting physical energy and using as many muscles as possible, you’ll put your body into an active mode. When you’re done, you may want to do some push-ups or squats until the end of the song!

2. Merry Sunshine Now that we’re welcoming the season of pleasant weather, take advantage of the opportunity to be active outdoors. Go for a brisk walk around the block— even if you have only 10 minutes until the next meal. And if you have to stay inside, you can easily get an effective walking workout done at home. If there’s a flight of stairs in your house, walk up and down several times. (Grab that basket of laundry on the way up!) This will help tone your legs and give you a low-impact aerobics session. Even walking briskly on a flat surface for 10 minutes will do the job.

3. Rev It Up If you’re in the mood of a higher-intensity workout, here’s what you can do. To start, go for the jumping jacks. They’re great cardio exercises and help warm up your muscles. When you’ve done 100 jumps, move on to pushups. They’re not everyone’s favorite exercise, but that’s exactly why they’re super effective, especially for the arm and chest area. Do 20 of them in a way that works for you—on your knees or against a wall. Next, do 20 leg lifts. Lying flat on your back with your legs stretched out in front of you, lift both legs up together, bending your knees if it’s too hard for you. Squats are a wonderful exercise for your lower body. Try doing 25 of them next. You can even do these by sitting down and standing up from a chair if it’s too difficult for you to do them in the air. As long as you’re able to do a few repetitions, your body will benefit.

4. Anything Goes If you want to do weight exercises but don’t have weights at home, get creative! Start with something light in your pantry like a can of beets, and work your way upward. Now you know why you have so many extra grape juice bottles in the storage closet.

5. Make It a Choice If you make a determined resolution to be more active, you’ll find the opportunities to do so even when the gym is closed. Choices like using the stairs instead of the elevator and walking instead of getting a ride will end up making you feel much lighter, happier, and refreshed.

6. Family Fitness Turn your physical activity into a family activity. Turn up the music and dance with your kids. How about taking them to the park and playing tag with them? These activities are not only an alternate workout; they’ll also provide you and your family with an excellent bonding experience.

If you take care not to neglect your fitness even on days when you’re too busy to get to the gym, you’ll discover that in just a few minutes, you can give yourself an excellent at-home workout. And when it comes to climbing up to the attic with your Pesach boxes after this beautiful Yom Tov, you’ll be the one to run up those stairs without losing your breath. Syma Kranz, AAAI, is a certified aerobics instructor and the fitness director at Fitness Fusion in Lakewood, New Jersey. What started out as a small exercise class in her home catapulted into a popular gym that prides itself on having tzanuah professional instructors and an appropriate atmosphere with lyric-free music and proper attire. Syma specializes in training women to integrate fitness into their busy lives, paying special attention to proper form and alignment and specializing in core and pelvic floor strengthening.

WELLSPRING / NISSAN 5781

ASK By Laura Shammah, MS, RDN

WELLSPRING / APRIL 2021

To a More

Pleasant Pesach How to Prevent and Treat Constipation

As we’re nearing Pesach, I’m already anxious — and not about the cleaning. I find that on Pesach, I usually deal with unbearable constipation along with hours in the bathroom. Throughout the year, I have a sensitive stomach and often suffer from constipation, but on Pesach that’s multiplied tenfold. Previously, I’ve read in Wellspring about the importance of consuming enough fiber to help with digestion, but in my case it hasn’t helped me at all. I was hoping you could offer other ideas that are worth trying so that my Pesach can be calmer, more meaningful, and less painful.

Constipation pains are all-too-common during Pesach and are generally attributed to dietary changes. However, this may very possibly be due to the lack of awareness that many kosher for Pesach foods can be used to support smooth elimination just like they do all year. There are many ideas to relieve constipation, so it’s worth experimenting with different ones until you find those that work for you. I’ll first outline ideas that may help prevent the constipation from setting in in the first place, and then offer tips to help soothe the issue if you’re already experiencing it. Adequate hydration is probably the first and foremost step to prevent constipation. When dehydration occurs, the body extracts water from all organs, including the colon. Insufficient hydration in the colon produces hard and heavy stool. Staying hydrated by drinking at least six to eight glasses of water a day can keep stool soft, making bowel movements more frequent and comfortable. Make sure to drink before and after each meal. Another important variable — and probably another reason why constipation is so common during Pesach — is exercise (or lack thereof). Physical activity — both vigorous and passive — helps maintain healthy bowel movements. Running jostles the intestines and colon in a manner that encourages the

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stool to move. Try to be conscious of your physical movements throughout Yom Tov. Need to run up and down to bring the Pesach dishes? Don’t ask the children to do it — rather do it on your own and get your system moving. On Chol Hamoed, make it your business to walk here and there instead of using the car all day. If time and other circumstances permit, take a few minutes to do a short aerobics class. And then there’s the food dos and don’ts list. Abundant deep-fried foods, red meat, and other high-fat foods often slow digestion and contribute to constipation. However, eating too little fat may actually cause constipation, since your digestive system and other organs need healthy fats to function properly. The balance? Most experts recommend limiting saturated and trans-fats, while choosing foods that are rich in unsaturated fats instead. With nuts as a popular snack on Pesach, you can consume adequate amounts of healthy fats even when your diet is restricted. Other common sources of unsaturated fat include olive oil, fatty fish, seeds, and avocado. Almond flour is also a great source of healthy fat, especially compared to other flours. The flour is very rich in nutrients, super-low in carbs, and high in protein. Try to incorporate it into your baking as an alternative to potato starch, using it for muffins, biscotti, and cookies. Other superfoods that can prevent and relieve constipation are ground flaxseed, chia seeds, and quinoa (for the Sephardim like myself), as well as butternut squash, fruits and vegetables — especially the peels, if you eat them. As you mentioned in your question, foods that are high in fiber aid in smoother elimination, as well. For this reason, most people find whole spelt matzah to be the best option on Pesach. Even if you can’t get fiber from other grains over Yom Tov, most fruits and vegetables are high in fiber too. Magnesium is important in improving muscle health and peristalsis (the movement that moves food along the digestive tract). Therefore, low magnesium consumption has been associated with increased incidence of constipation. Adequate magnesium intake directs water to the bowels, keeping the stool soft and easier to move. Nuts, fish, and green leafy vegetables like spinach are high in magnesium. If necessary, you may want to consult with your rav about taking magnesium supplements on Pesach. Here are some ideas to relieve the constipation if you are experiencing it already:  Tea works wonders. Warm liquids are soothing to the digestive and gastrointestinal systems.  For added benefits, add a dollop of honey to your tea. 94

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Chock full of enzymes that aid in digestive health, honey works as a mild laxative. Whether taken plain or added to tea, water, or warm milk, honey can ease constipation.  Try adding roasted fennel for another mild, natural laxative. Fennel seeds increase gastric enzymes in the digestive system, helping stool move through the colon effectively.  Baking soda, a household staple, can be used to try to clean out the colon. Make a solution of one teaspoon of baking soda to approximately one-quarter cup of warm water. The baking soda reacts with stomach acids to stimulate a bowel movement.  Aside from food and drinks, massaging the abdomen can be a beneficial home remedy. Lying on your back, press the abdomen in a clockwise motion for approximately 10 minutes. You can do this massage twice a day. The clockwise motion helps push stool in the colon toward the rectum. Drinking hot water or tea before the massage can further improve the gastrointestinal system.  Laxatives, both natural and medicated, can increase bowel movements by stimulating the large intestine to move, drawing extra water into the large intestine, or acting as a lubricant to help the stool slide through more easily. Some foods, such as prunes, act as natural laxatives, stimulating the colon. Occasional use of small amounts of over-the-counter laxatives is typically not harmful. However, using them often can make you develop a dependence on them, or have negative, even potentially dangerous complications. It is very important to discuss with your doctor all changes in your diet or medications you plan to take. And one last tip. I know this may be challenging if it’s hectic at your place, but sleep is especially important in making sure your digestive system is working properly. Squeeze in some zzz’s whenever you can over Yom Tov.

Your Cup of Tea For centuries, people have used herbal teas to ease digestive issues. More than just a warm liquid, certain teas contain properties that can stimulate the digestive system and help to relieve constipation. Here’s a list of teas that could prove to be helpful if you’re experiencing such issues:  Ginger: This warming spice generates heat and speeds up digestion.  Peppermint: The menthol can soothe an upset stomach and move stool through intestines.  Chamomile: This tea relaxes the digestive muscles, which is to blame in preventing the bowels from moving on their own during stress and tension.  Dandelion root: Dandelion tea alleviates mild constipation by stimulating the liver.  Black or green tea: Caffeinated tea works similarly to coffee in stimulating the bowels.  Licorice root: This is a popular tonic for digestive issues. Licorice root has an anti-inflammatory effect, and therefore aids digestion.

Laura Shammah MS, RDN, has been operating a private practice in New York and New Jersey for over 20 years. Her clientele runs the gamut from people with eating disorders to those dealing with hypertension, high cholesterol, diabetes and cancer. She also helps clients who run in marathons or are looking to lose or gain weight in a healthy way. Her nutritional guidance is published in MaryAnne Cohen’s book Lasagna for Lunch: Declaring Peace With Emotional Eating. Laura can be reached at 718-376-0062 or Laurashammah@aol.com.

WELLSPRING / APRIL 2021

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DEDICATED TO HEALTH

10 Questions for

Yoel Friedman,

Founder of WellTab WellTab provides personal communication devices that allow patients in hospitals to communicate with their family from a safe distance using a dedicated, plug-and-play, two-party, private and secure livestream audio-visual connection. By Esther Retek

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1. What motivated you to launch WellTab? Over a year ago, when COVID-19 began rearing its ugly head, causing tension, fright, and uncertainty all over the world, my grandmother was unfortunately one of the first in our community to contract the virus. Due to the severity of her situation, she needed to be hospitalized and visitation was prohibited. At that time—the height of the pandemic in our community— the street talk was centered on the terrible hospital conditions. Needless to say, our family was anxious, and although our grandmother came home shortly thereafter, our experience provided a window into the pain and insecurity that both patients and families were experiencing when their loved ones were hospitalized. After we put much thought into how we could alleviate the communal pain and suffering, Rabbi Moshe Berish Teitelbaum helped us develop the wonderful, novel WellTab idea. Baruch Hashem, from when the idea struck to its fruition took less than a week—but not without opposition. Askanim and hospital liaisons tried introducing the concept to hospital executives, but due to the overwhelming circumstances in the hospitals, they were unable to get their attention. Undaunted, however, our team worked for hours to upload our first shipment of tablets—all 800 of them—and connecting them to the Wi-Fi at the facilities. Then, on Erev Pesach, our first tablets were distributed in New York Presbyterian and Westchester Medical Center.

2. What is the greatest challenge in running WellTab? Unfortunately, our greatest challenge is insufficient supply. People call the office 24 hours a day requesting tablets, and too often, they need to wait a long time because of the lack. In light of this, we urge anyone with a tablet to return it immediately after use. We understand that people are overwhelmed with myriad details when a loved one is sick and often, returning the WellTab is not priority on their to-do lists. But since there is a consistent shortage, we ask that they be returned as soon as possible. Those who were in this situation have witnessed the tremendous impact the WellTab made on the wellbeing of the family and patient; by returning the tablet in a timely fashion, they can help others in similar situations.

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DEDICATED TO HEALTH

3. Can you share a story that highlights the work the organization does?

4. How does the WellTab help recipients on an emotional level?

At this point, we could write a book out of the stories we have experienced and heard. Here’s one story we heard from the patient personally, which he also publicized at an event. The patient shared his memory of the first time he woke up after being on a respirator for approximately two months. He recalled the confusion that hit him as he noticed he was tied to his bed in an unfamiliar room with no one around him. Suddenly, his wife who was watching him constantly on the tablet noticed some movement, and she began screaming his name. His wife’s voice startled him, and he looked up to find a tablet connected to his bed, with his wife staring at him. “This was what gave me the strength and fortitude to continue fighting this devastating illness and ultimately recover,” he shared.

Recently, we received a letter from a noted psychotherapist, a COVID survivor himself, highlighting this very point. In his poignant letter, he describes his experience as a patient in the hospital at the peak of the pandemic. Shortly after he was taken in, he was intubated and remained in a coma for several weeks. Upon waking up, he was convinced he was being held hostage in foreign territory. Even more aggravating, he was unable to talk and was therefore left in his own delirious and confused state. He shares how all that changed when his family obtained a WellTab. With the device, he was able to see his wife and children, which subsequently allayed his fears, clarified his situation, and simultaneously mitigated the trauma his family was enduring too.

Hundreds of patients testify that the tablets saved their life. In one remarkable case, a COVID survivor, a young father of seven children, shared with us some situations in which WellTab saved the moment. One was when he was febrile and very dry, but when he finally found a water bottle he was too weak to open it, or call a nurse for help. His wife, seeing his distress, immediately calmed him and assured him that someone would be there to assist him shortly. She then called in to the nurse’s station to call for help. We’ve also heard tens of stories from families in which the tablets allowed them to save patients’ lives. In a poignant letter written by the wife of a young man who suffered tremendously during COVID, the woman shares how she was able to save her husband using the tablet. One day, she saw via the tablet that the proximal clamp on the hep lock was open, with no IV bag attached. The woman quickly notified the nurse’s station about this oversight, and they immediately clamped it properly. Another woman noticed her husband lying on the floor one Shabbos afternoon. By immediately calling the nurse’s station, she saved her husband in the nick of time.

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He writes that as a mental health professional who deals with paranoia and other forms of psychosis on a daily basis, he feels strongly that these “lifesaving devices”—as he refers to them—saved his and his family’s mental health. He concludes by urging us to continue with our work and to investigate the trajectory of the patients who benefited from the tablets “and their disproportionately benefited recovery process.” Being able to participate in the family’s Shabbos and Yom Tov also plays a significant role in emotional healing. After asking a sheilah, most patients are able to set up their tablets prior to Shabbos or Yom Tov and enjoy the meal, the zemiros, the atmosphere back home, and just to see their families. Patients who are connected with family throughout their hospital duration experience mitigated risks. The tablets ultimately improve outcomes.

Heart.Works

5. What do you wish people would know regarding your organization? Now that we’ve hit the first “anniversary” of COVID, people wonder if we’re still running the organization. Time and again, we meet people who express their astonishment at the organization’s ongoing operations. People don’t realize that in addition to COVID patients (of which there are still too many), hundreds of other patients are benefiting from these plug-and-plays. People who are thankfully not involved in a medical crisis may not realize that we are very active, but it’s important to note that the demand is consistently increasing because of the widespread exposure the tablets have received. Hospitals still have very limited visitation, and anyone who needs to be hospitalized knows that it’s a nightmare. So yes, our organization unfortunately still caters to a huge, growing demand.

Thankfully, hospitals are on the most part very cooperative with the system and many of them acknowledge the success of the tablets in reducing the call volume from hundreds of hysterical family members all clamoring to hear the latest news from the one overwhelmed nurse or doctor. We have received numerous calls from doctors and nurses requesting the tablets for their own family members, which we take as a great sign. The tablets were created to motivate patients, give them a homier environment, and allow for constant communication. Hospital staff should never get the feeling that the devices were instituted for any other purpose even if they don’t pay much attention to the tablets due to their overwhelming responsibilities.

Gefen_Foods

Another crucial element we like to remind people of is that the tablets were created with hospital staff in mind. The correct way to use the Welltab is by partnering with the hospital staff and never to use it as a tool against them. It is imperative to maintain a positive rapport with hospital staff throughout so that your loved one receives the best care. We provide recipients with door signs notifying hospital staff that a WellTab has been enabled in the room, which we strongly urge patients to utilize, because these signs give a welcoming and respectful feeling towards hospital staff. The tablets also have a privacy option that the patient can use when doctors and nurses are treating them.

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6. Tell us about an interesting request WellTab received.

8. How are things different now than early on in the pandemic?

As the innovation gained popularity, and people realized the difference these devices can make, requests started flooding in from people in various situations—not necessarily medically related. People who are isolated for a host of reasons saw the potential of the WellTab and we are currently working on assisting a greater population.

The organization has since advanced tremendously. Our operations are run with greater structure and efficiency. We have updated our devices to state-of-the-art software, and one of our biggest breakthroughs is the Wi-Fi-less devices. Initially, the devices required Wi-Fi pieces, which often turned out to be a hassle. Our current devices, although more costly, are self-mobile, work smoother, and cause less technical issues. We also branched out worldwide, with 24/7-hour support manned by tech agents internationally. On Shabbos, agents in Israel take over as soon as their Shabbos is over so that we in the United States only have to provide minimal support on Shabbos. The organization has grown by leaps and bounds. The initial thousand tablets have multiplied and now number in the thousands, and we are continuously growing.

A more heartrending type of request are the calls we get from overwhelmed children, who are trying to get support for their WellTabs as their parents are in the hospitals. These calls unfortunately come in all too frequently, and of course they are especially moving. Our dedicated volunteers will do anything for these children so that they can send a hearty “good morning” to their mother, or share a cheerful “hello” as they walk through the door after school.

7. How do the tablets work? The WellTabs are simple to use. The Samsung tablets are programmed to pair and create a video call between the two tablets as soon as they are powered up, like a simple plug-and-play device. The WellTab is an internet device but has no access to anything outside. The device allows patients and families to enjoy a dedicated, secure personal communications device that facilitates ODTLC (On Demand TLC) without exposing the patient or family members to any unwanted applications or content. The device also has an excellent privacy feature. The Privacy Mode feature allows the livestream to be paused by the patient or hospital staff during personal care and procedures. The devices are free of charge, and we don’t ask for a deposit. We are excited to debut two new practical features we have already added to the tablets. The first is the call option, where the patient or hospital staff can, with a simple click of a button, call the family to the tablet in the event that they aren’t next to the tablet at the moment. The other new feature is the quiet mode option. This will allow some quiet time to patients such as when they would like to rest. 102

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Heart.Works

His wife’s voice startled him, and he looked up to find a tablet connected to his bed, with his wife staring at him.

9. What are the organization’s plans for the future? Finances permitting, we are looking to expand the organization to serve anyone in need of such a device, not just patients in hospitals. There are dozens of other situations in which people need be isolated, and we are hoping to help them too with the devices. We are also hoping to expand worldwide on a greater scale than we service now.

Baruch Hashem, things have calmed down since the height of the pandemic. Of course, the credit goes to my dedicated wife and children, who have been cheering me on from the onset. The feedback we receive is probably the most gratifying part and the most encouraging tool for myself and our staff. We find it of utmost importance to commend our most dedicated team of volunteers. They are malachim, running the operations of the organization, and making sure that we assist every patient to the best of our ability. We are grateful to their families for the daily sacrifices they are making so that the volunteers can be available. Our donors too, deserve a standing ovation for constantly trying to assist us financially. There is no way this fledgling organization could still exist—or have ever been established—without the benevolence of some wonderful people.

Gefen_Foods

10. How do you manage the stress that comes along with the work you do?

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Heart.Works

A concerto for your tastebuds. 104

WELLSPRING / APRIL 2021

LIVING WELL

REFRAME YOUR NUTRITION MINDSET FROM

OPPRESSION FREEDOM TO

By Esti Asher, MS, RDN, LD

On Pesach we celebrate freedom and redemption after generations of slavery and oppression. At the same time, there is a literal and emotional feeling of newness and rebirth; foliage is blooming and our houses have been cleaned and turned over into Pesach mode. Perhaps we have also thought about personal growth and considered how to discard our individual forms of “chometz.” Let’s take this opportunity to continue with the momentum of freedom and inspire ourselves to tweak our nutrition mindset to feel free and redeemed versus intimidated and oppressed. After all, while we each have our own individual goals, the overarching goal of living a healthy lifestyle is to help us reach our ultimate potential, which can only be done with an appropriately matched mindset. Below are five tips to reframe our nutrition mindset from oppression to freedom.

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LIVING WELL

Identify your “why” and use it as your anchor and way to recalculate. Take the time to identify the impetus for your healthy lifestyle and keep it in the forefront of your mind. This will help keep your actions in alignment with your goals and will simultaneously shift your focus and perspective onto the big picture. Each individual’s “why” is unique and personal; with a “why” clear and known, other behaviors and habits that support achieving this goal can be implemented, which is both productive and eases potential negative stress and pressure associated with eating behaviors alone.

Think of feeding your body as an opportunity and not a burden. Reframe your mindset from “I need to eat” to “I get to eat.” We have the opportunity to experience different flavors, aromas, and textures of foods each time we eat. We’re meant to enjoy food and the overall multisensory experience, versus feeling deprived and limited to bland, tasteless, and repetitive options. There are also countless foods and various ways of cooking, combining, and presenting those foods. There are so many options that are beautiful, delicious, aromatic, full of texture, and satisfying. Let’s appreciate and explore the kindness and opportunity that Hashem has given us instead of feeling burdened and limited.

Emphasize the foods that you love to eat and enjoy instead of focusing on negative restrictive food lists.

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An oppressed nutrition mindset is focused on “rules” and what is “allowed.” It promulgates a “no” mentality, when in reality, the “yes” mentality is the most positive and productive. All foods and drinks fit into a healthy lifestyle, so you can toss the restrictive mindset and theoretical list of “forbidden foods.” Think about all of the fruits, vegetables, lean proteins, whole grains, and occasional treats (of course) that you love, and consider exploring even more options. Focus on what to include and incorporate versus what the diets and programs are telling you to avoid. After all, how can you think about anything but “the elephant in the room” if you’re so focused on avoiding it.

Stock up strategically. Since an unhealthy nutrition mindset often triggers consuming thoughts such as “what will I eat next,” stock your pantry, refrigerator, and freezer with easily accessible meal and snack options. This will result in decreased food preparation effort and increased space in your mind to focus on other things. Be mindful of your surroundings and set up an environment for success. When you have nutritious and nourishing foods readily available, it will be more appealing to make the healthy choice, the easy and convenient choice.

Trust your body’s physical cues and your intuition. Tune into what your body and mind are telling you. Be more aware of your internal cues and honor yourself by responding kindly and positively. Eat when you’re hungry; drink water often; take a break when you need to; provide the self-care your body needs; heat up something premade in the freezer instead of always preparing a homemade dinner from scratch; ask questions and be skeptical when you hear about the “latest and greatest” diet that doesn’t seem healthy to you. Listen to — and trust — your inner voice.

Have an open conversation with your family, friends, and peers to bring attention to these suggestions and work towards normalizing and promoting this free and redemptive nutrition mindset. Disclaimer: The information relayed is not meant to be used as medical nutrition therapy or to contradict a medically prescribed diet. Please consult with your physician if you have specific questions regarding your health.

Esti Asher, MS, RDN, LD, is a registered dietitian nutritionist and self-care enthusiast on a mission to help women reach their ultimate health and wellbeing potential inside and out. She shares credible, clear, and inspiring nutrition information with women. To contact Esti with feedback or inquiries regarding her nutritional services, please e-mail her at EstiAsherNutrition@gmail.com

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MEDICAL SAGA

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Just Like That,

It WaS

Gone How I healed from one health issue and watched my sciatica disappear As told to Faigy Schonfeld WELLSPRING / NISSAN 5781

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MEDICAL SAGA

I was a bride, floating in that hazy, starlit pre-wedding universe, when I first felt a crick in my back. I was 18, weeks away from my wedding. I wasn’t going to be bothered by it. At first it was just annoying. After sitting for a while on the couch, I would get up and find I couldn’t straighten out. I would walk around, hunched, for several minutes until it went away. Then it became embarrassing; we were doing a lot of driving—to the gown place, the houseware shops, my new apartment—and after getting out of the car, I could barely walk. Still, amid the rush and glow of wedding preparations, I had little time to pay heed to this nuisance. Until it became downright painful. Every time I sat for a longer period of time, I would have stabbing pain, shooting down the back of my right leg. I started worrying that I won’t be able to dance at my chasunah. I finally went to see an orthopedist. I remember sitting on the exam table, being told to lift my left leg. That was no problem. But when he asked me to shift my right leg, I had no range of motion; I could barely lift it. The orthopedist promptly diagnosed me with sciatica and gave me a prescription for physical therapy. That didn’t sound too bad. I got started right away, hoping to fix the situation in time for my wedding. I attended therapy sessions two to three times per week, where they applied hot and cold patches to my back, did some massage, and I was taught various stretching exercises. Miracles: my back pain got better, my problems went away, and I ended up dancing just like a kallah should, baruch Hashem. That’s why it was an unwelcome thing when one day, several months later, I got up after sitting for some time, only to feel horrible shooting pain in my leg. I was pregnant for the first time, jittery and excited, and I really hadn’t counted on this resurfacing now. This time, it was way more dramatic. I had to be careful not to sit for too long, making sure to walk around every so often. Even so, it kept getting worse. I couldn’t sleep through the night because of the excruciating pain. Desperately tired, I tried shifting around, turning this way and that, until I would give up, reach for my sneakers, and start walking. I did a lot of walking during the night, round and round my dining room table, up and down the little hallway. After a half hour or so, the pain subsided somewhat and I would fall into bed, exhausted. Sometimes, I would do the 110

WELLSPRING / APRIL 2021

midnight dance more than once a night. Then I gave birth to my beautiful son. I was having awful spinal headaches thanks to the epidural I received during labor, so I was grateful when I was offered a few tablets of Percocet. I popped a Percocet…and felt amazing. The pain didn’t really go away, but I felt light and happy. I ran out of it too fast, but thankfully, I received another few pills when leaving the hospital. Call it a parting gift. I had no idea at the time that Percocet is a controlled substance, an opioid actually. I don’t think I knew what an opioid was anyway. I finished the Percocet after a few days and suddenly realized that I could hardly live without it. I decided to try my luck with a random doctor; I told him I had back pain and I needed Percocet. He gave me a prescription for a humongous bottle and I couldn’t have been happier. (He did warn me to stop nursing if I kept up with the Percocet for more than two weeks…which I did.) For months, I popped Percocet pills. One pill every four hours. I kid you not. In the meantime, I went for an MRI. Turns out, I had a slipped disc. One disc was bulging out and pressing on the sciatic nerve…which caused inflammation…which caused the shooting pains all the way down till my toes. But it was okay; I was having my Percocet prescription refilled. Eventually, the prescription did run out though and I needed a solution, quick. I was on the phone with my mother, who mentioned that she was heading to see an old family doctor. What a treat! I told her I needed to come along to arrange another prescription for myself. I presented my case to the doctor, rather fairly, I thought. I was totally surprised—and terribly disappointed—when the doctor opened his eyes wide and said, “No way. Get yourself help.”

And so the Percocet fun came to its very unanticipated, very abrupt end. I was in so much pain, I could not function. That’s when I heard of the cortisone shot. The cortisone is something like the epidural, and about as much fun to receive. Basically, a needle is inserted into the epidural space in the spine, releasing cortisone, an anti-inflammatory medication. I remember sitting in the car, on the way to the clinic to receive my shot, shaking from the agony. But within a day or so, I was a new person. The change was miraculous. The doctor who performed the procedure also recommended using an inversion table. On an inversion table, you lie down while your feet go up, head down, and it stretches your body to give more space for the slipped disc to slide back into place. I would hang like that for a few minutes every day. And I felt better than I had in months.

But of course, the fun was never quite over. Over the course of the next several years, the pain came back to haunt me. I tried physical therapy again, without success this time. So I went back for more cortisone shots. It always helped a little, but it never worked like the first time I got the injection. In the meantime, I kept doing the inversion table, trying different stretches, and ignoring the pain when I had no other options. Then I went back for a cortisone shot once again and the results were weak, too weak. At that point, I knew I might have to undergo surgery. I did a lot of research and found that the surgery hardly offered any guarantees of healing. According to most people, the surgery didn’t help long term. Although the bulging part of the disc would be removed, it could slip again. Then again, I also remember speaking to one woman who was a few years post-surgery, and she was pain-free and so happy.

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MEDICAL SAGA

I didn’t have any other ideas at that point, so I went to see some top surgeons. My mother dragged me around to several of the biggest surgeons out there and they all told me the same thing: my condition was not dangerous, but very painful, and there was no way out other than surgery. I went about applying for the insurance that worked for these prestigious surgeons, but these things don’t happen overnight, and I was in horrible agony meanwhile. I needed something to tide me over until then. Since my old doctor had retired, I saw a different doctor who could give me the cortisone shot. He administered the shot in a bit of a different way, and it really worked. I was thrilled, and promptly dropped all plans of surgery. Still, the pain was never gone completely. It would get better, and worse, then better again, and I learned to manage the pain, always doing exercises and stretches. To actually heal my sciatica though, was apparently not an option. Then I got pregnant and a routine pap smear came back abnormal. I was told to follow up with a gynecologist, who sweetly informed me that I had two lesions on my cervix. He told me not to worry; sometimes they go away on their own. He wouldn’t do a biopsy during pregnancy but said I should come back to check on it. After the baby, he said, we would need to do a biopsy to find out if it’s cancerous. All I heard was “cancerous.” I had read about Gerson cancer therapy in the past. I didn’t know much but I knew enough that I wanted to follow their protocol. It would be an adventure, I knew, and I dove right in. 112

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There was a Gerson clinic in Mexico and I scheduled a phone consultation with one of their practitioners. Throughout the very long consult, he explained the program to me, and ordered a three month’s supply of specific supplements. He put me on a protocol: four green juices (a specific combo of green veggies), three carrot apple juices, one straight carrot. And three coffee enemas, every day. On top of that, I needed to eat three specific meals each day. Breakfast was cooked oats and fruit. Lunch and dinner were fresh vegetables, cooked vegetables, a baked or cooked potato, and a certain vegetable soup they call Hippocrates soup. Distilled water (to get rid of fluoride). No oil (save for two tablespoons of flaxseed oil), no salt, and everything strictly organic. You can’t heal with sick food! He told me that my root canal had to go (although I couldn’t do that then as I was pregnant). I also got rid of my shampoos and cleaning products and laundry detergents and potpourri packets. Everything I applied to my body—or to the air of my home—had to be clean, free of toxins and free of garbage. I was busy with myself around the clock and I had a grand old time. It was doable for me at the time, as I had no babies at home. I enjoyed taking care of myself, and of course, the best part was having as much fruit as I dreamed of. My doctor even advised me to take a tray of fruit into the bedroom at night in case I got hungry. I continued the Gerson program throughout my pregnancy. I was eating an enormous amount of food, but I lost extra weight, eventually reaching a healthy pregnancy

weight. And I was never hungry, which was an awesome thing in and of itself. A few months after starting the program, I returned to the gynecologist. This time, there was only one lesion, baruch Hashem. He suggested that perhaps the other lesion was still there; it was just difficult to see during pregnancy. And every time I had a pap smear done, it came back abnormal. After I gave birth, we did a biopsy that revealed just one lesion and it wasn’t cancerous, baruch Hashem. But the gynecologist insisted it had to be removed or otherwise treated if it didn’t go away, or it might eventually become cancerous. I didn’t want any of his procedures, so I stuck to Gerson therapy. At the beginning of my next pregnancy, I repeated the pap smear, and it came back normal. Thank You, Hashem! Was it the therapy that healed the lesions, or perhaps they went away on their own? I can’t know for sure, but I did discover something along the way. My sciatica was gone. It was a stunning realization. The sciatic pain was gone, and it never came back. Now, I understand how that makes sense. It wasn’t the slipped disc that caused sciatic pain, it was the inflammation. Through Gerson therapy—consuming lots of organic, whole, anti-inflammatory foods—the inflammation was targeted.

This time, it was way more dramatic. I had to be careful not to sit for too long, making sure to walk around every so often. Even so, the pain kept getting worse. Hashem had made me my miracle. It’s been several years now, but I’m still marveling at the complexity and wonder of Hashem’s creations. At the incredible body that is endowed with the power to regenerate and heal itself. At the power of His healthy foods, that work to restore the immune system, which is designed to help us heal. Through Gerson, I learned to rebuild my immune system so that my body can heal on its own, like Hashem designed it to. I’m a busy mom, so I do indulge, and eat bad food, and go to simchos where I eat more bad food. But once you know, you know. I still juice a lot and stick to organic as much as possible. And whenever I feel like my body needs a lift, I go back to Gerson. Hashem’s design is miraculous. And discovering that was a miracle too. Disclaimer: Please consult with your medical practitioner before implementing any treatments or lifestyle changes. To submit your medical saga for this column, please write to info@wellspringmagazine.com.

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Good Bye, Brain Fuzz Motherhood coach Chaya Shifra Sadoff answers your most urgent sleep-related questions. By Chaya Shifra Sadoff WELLSPRING / NISSAN 5781

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I’ve tried sleep training before—and it doesn’t work, or my baby just has a regression, and we have to do it all over again. Why does that happen? The simple answer is that sleep training does not work. And I say that in complete seriousness. Hooold up, though. Before you start assailing me with funny looks and pointed questions, allow me to explain. First, let me define the term “sleep training,” because it truly can mean something different to every person. Sleep training, as defined for this question, is the process by which a caregiver allows their child to learn to fall asleep on their own without the aid of anything outside of their own body. Sometimes the caregiver will offer support (sitting next to baby and rubbing, patting, humming, talking, etc., or with intermittent checks) and sometimes the caregiver will not offer support (letting the child cry it out [CIO]). So why do some parents find that it doesn’t work, either short-term or long-term? Because they’re missing the foundation. In order for a baby or toddler (or any other human being!) to be able to sleep well, we need to develop and practice five foundational habits: 1. Routines and cueing before sleep situations. 2. Going to bed tired but not overtired. 3. Having a sleep sanctuary. 4. Independent and association-free sleep. 5. Appropriate expectations, consistently practiced. Sleep training (as per our definition above) falls into category number four. But it only falls into category number four; it isn’t the complete habit! Sleep training may address the “independent” part of number four, but you can have “independent” sleep without “association-free” sleep, which means that sleep training is only half of one of the five foundational habits. Not such a solid foundation, right? If your baby, toddler, preschooler, or whoever it is that you’re trying to sleep train, does not have the other 4½ foundational habits, then you may be missing the vast majority of the foundation. It’s only natural that the result will be an ineffective attempt at “sleep training”—either not working at all or “working” for a short length of time but not staying effective long-term. 116

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From what age can a baby be sleep trained? Going back to our definition of “sleep training” above, I only recommend sleep training if you have all the five factors in place, regardless of how old your child is. If you’re in the room with your baby (this would be the “stay in the room” method or the “sleep lady shuffle”), you can do that as young as 3–4 months of age. If you’re doing check-ins, wait until your baby is 6 months or older. (I don’t recommend ever doing CIO.) But, if what you mean by that question is, “When can my baby learn to sleep well?” the answer is: you can start at birth! There is so much more to sleeping well than conventional sleep training, and you can do so much from when your baby is born to enable her to sleep as well as possible (remember—there are 4½ habits aside from sleep training) during the newborn stage—and it can also eliminate the need for sleep training after the newborn stage.

Why does my baby wake up so often at night? There are so many answers to this question (I’ll get to some of them below). But it’s important to note that babies do not wake up because they’re hungry, with the exception of situations in which babies are truly malnourished. Remember this: sleep is a function of the brain, not the tummy. An empty stomach doesn’t wake you up; your brain is what wakes you up. If you wake, and you’re hungry, you’re going to want to eat, certainly. But, so long as we’re reasonably fed (i.e., not starving) and are healthy, we don’t wake up because of hunger.

Why does my newborn cry so much in the afternoon and night? I can’t seem to get her to be calm until way later, and then that impacts my whole night.

So why does your baby wake up so much at night? It may be because: • Her brain isn’t ready to sleep for long segments of time yet. This is true for newborns— most babies are not neurologically ready for 12 hours of uninterrupted nighttime sleep until about 3–4 months of age, adjusted when necessary. • He’s overtired. This is the most common cause of nighttime wakes for my clients. • She thinks she needs a pacifier/nursing/bottle/co-sleeping, etc., in order to fall asleep—and in order to fall back to sleep after a sleep cycle is over (babies have many sleep cycles over the course of the night). • You’re unclear in your expectations and your baby/toddler thinks that you think he should be getting the nursing/bottle/pacifier/ rocking/co-sleeping/etc., that you give him in order to fall back to sleep. • She got too much daytime sleep (uncommon, but possible, and would cause one long nighttime wake rather than multiple nighttime wakes). Please note that because a newborn’s brain isn’t ready to sleep for long periods of time without waking, no baby should ever be pushed to sleep 12 hours straight before 3–4 months of age. Because of our additional concern for a nursing mother’s supply, breast-fed babies should generally keep at least one nighttime feed until at least six months.

The most common reason for “colic,” “the witching hour,” “purple,” or whatever else you call that elongated spell of newborn crying is overtiredness or overstimulation. Contrary to popular belief, your newborn is just about as capable of falling asleep “anywhere” as you are (which means, if you’re sleep deprived, you might be able to pull it off. If you’re not super exhaaaaauuuuusted, though, then you probably won’t be able to fall asleep anywhere except your bed). And get this: most babies under 7–10 weeks of age can only handle being awake for about 45 minutes at a time. That means wake up, eat, a little bit of “play” time or tummy time…and then right back to sleep. It’s very short, but that’s for a reason; your newborn just can’t handle being awake for much longer. The overtiredness and overstimulation over the course of the day builds and builds and builds… and then explodes in the evening, when your baby’s just way too overtired for anything to soothe them—even being held, rocked, or fed.

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I don’t have a problem with my kids’ sleep, but it takes me forever to fall asleep at—and then I’m exhausted the next day. What can I do about that? Insomnia is a common problem in regular 21st-century living. The most common reasons that adults struggle from insomnia are: 1. False sense of daytime convinces the body and brain that it’s not time for sleep.

My first baby was on a great schedule— eating well, sleeping well, happy during the day. And then my second was born, and I feel like I have two newborns now. Why did that happen?

2. Not being able to calm the body and brain down to be able to fall asleep. The first and most important step is to introduce healthy and appropriate sleep hygiene—which has the same foundations for you as it does for your baby or toddler (see the response above for the five habits). The second piece is about mindset and mental state. For most people with insomnia, it’s simply about being able to unplug your mind, learn how to calm your body, and just relax. This is a skill you may not have learned growing up but is always learnable and possible to implement. For others, it may be an outgrowth of anxiety, or another mental health condition. CBT-I, a therapeutic approach to alleviating insomnia, is a great treatment method for mental health related insomnia.

The “I’m a big sibling” regression is a common one—and it doesn’t only impact your child’s sleep. Whenever we go through a major change, our children are more likely to push boundaries: “Hey, X changed, maybe M will, too?” When they push those boundaries, though—like if you’d push hard on the walls of your house—they don’t actually want them to move. They’re pushing those boundaries for you to reassure them that “nope, nothing else changed!” Having a new baby is different from all other changes in that it has both the element of change, as well as the child feeling like his position is challenged. All children, no matter how excited they are about the new baby, will naturally question your (the parent’s) love for them. That means that, yes, there will be regressions (sleep and otherwise), and those are because your child is checking in with you: Do you still love me? At the same time as you’re “proving” to your child that nothing else has changed—by keeping everything else in their life as consistent as possible—you also need to prove your love by giving them that extra little dose of special mommy time, whether sprinkled throughout the day or in 10–15 minutes of dedicated one-on-one time.

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My toddler/baby slept so well as a newborn/younger baby. Why is he not able to sleep well now? As your baby grows and develops, not only is his physical body developing, his brain is too. That little noggin gets smarter and smarter as your newborn grows into a baby and your baby grows into a toddler.

the world around them. Until that age, your rockto-sleep routine may have gone smoothly and easily. Once your baby realizes that “Hey! Mommy’s here!” being rocked may turn into playing time instead of sleeping time.

That means that things that may not have caused sleep troubles when your baby was younger can turn into “problems” (they’re not inherently problematic, but they can cause difficulties with behavior, sleep, etc.) now that your baby is a wee bit older and also a wee bit wiser.

• A child under 12–18 months has some awareness of cause and effect but isn’t quite yet smart enough to start playing the “if I ___, then what will Mommy do?” game. Once your baby hits toddlerhood, and becomes a little boundary-pushing scientist, pushing boundaries becomes the go-to operation at any and every time of day.

Some examples: • A newborn under 6–12 weeks is not yet smart enough to develop a prop dependency; once he has that leap in awareness, the stick-a-paci-in-and-leave routine that worked when he was younger may turn into more of a song and a dance (stick the paci in and leave and come back and stick the paci back in and leave and come back and stick the paci back in). • A baby under 4–7 months is a lot less aware of

• A baby and young toddler will generally get the control and attention they need simply from their regular daily interactions and routines. As they get older, their need for different or more attention and control may change. If these needs are not met during the day, they may use evening and bedtime to get that attention and control. Of course, every child will react a little differently; the examples above give some general ideas.

Due to space constraints these answers are not comprehensive and are not intended to be a replacement for individualized attention or answers to your specific situation.

Chaya Shifra Sadoff is a motherhood coach for frum women. She works with mothers around the world to help them understand and meet their babies’ and young children’s needs, both as individuals and as a family unit, specifically during the prenatal and postpartum stages. For more information from Chaya Shifra or to learn about working with her, you can find her at chayashifra.com or on Instagram @chayashifrasadoff.

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NEW COLUMN!

SAMPLE By Libby Silberman

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Experiment: Fermenting Veggies Am I the only one whose horizons have been broadened in the past several years or so? I surmise I’m not alone. Good advertising and park bench conversation are the primary ways I’ve had my mind opened: There are some ways of living that are more conducive to wholesomeness than others. Snazzy hashtags follow said ads and conversation. #reflexology #sourdough #Feldenkrais #3-d therapy #one brain #yoga #intuitive eating #energy healing #muscle testing It’s a new world of do-it-right-isms. If you have a glib-tongued neighbor, cousin, or friend, chances are that you’ve already tried some of these fads and methods, aiming towards a better and more invigorated self and family. Some proved themselves with amazing results and others left you poorer and more confused than ever. Frankly, it is a confusing world out there, full of new-age holistic wellness. With all there’s available today, who’s out to make a buck on your naïveté? What’s the real deal? Where do you invest your energy and time? Life is too short, and resources are limited, for you to try it all yourself. Oh, and you’re busy making a living and raising your family and flipping calendar pages faster than your coffee can brew. So, I humbly present myself, your lab Sample, to experiment with some of the lesser-known and better-known rages out there. I will attempt them one by one — each method, technique, and modality out there.

Welcome to Sample! Come on in. Here, grab a pair of gloves from the box and a white lab coat from the hooks behind the door. No worries, the lab coats are clean. Yup, those chairs are for you.

With my hand on my heart, I pledge full honesty in reporting my findings. You will learn the reliable from the baseless, the truths from all the baloney. Finally (if this specimen’s word matters to you), you will know which modalities are worth your buck and which ones you should skip right over. No rats, mice, or environmental entities will be harmed in these experiments. Nor humans. Though a human or two in my nuclear family have complained about various inconveniences s/he has had to endure in the process of experimentation, I affirm that it was worth the trouble for the greater good of the Wellspring community. To your health!

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Without further ado, let me introduce our very first Sample. I’ve been told that eating rotten vegetables is good for you. Take a vegetable, stow it away for a month, and then consume it. Your immune system will man up if you eat it, so they say. Okay, they call it fermented vegetables in legalese. Seriously, does it work? How do fermented vegetables even taste? Is it for people with delicate taste buds? Do you really build an internal army from crunching on them? Watch me. ◊◊◊ My kitchen cabinets are all inhabited by jars of many different shapes and sizes, with varying instructions for each one. In plain English, putting vegetables and salt in a glass jar for a specific amount of time will cause the good kind of bacteria to grow in it. The health benefits of eating fermented vegetables are beyond incredible. They contains staggering amounts of probiotics, which build a robust immune system. The Experiment For starters, I need the know-how. For that, I attend a Zoom class with health coach Malka Kornreich, from Givat Zev in Israel, to learn the basics of fermenting. The supplies list she sends me is suspiciously short and the methods suspiciously easy. Easy-peasy, thought little-mind me, mentally scoffing at Shiffy Friedman who thought she was challenging me, and Wellspring readers who for sure will be duly impressed with my effortless efforts. Slowly, as I fill my jars with water and salt and listen to the class, it dawns on me that you will have the last laugh. My jars need attention. More than that. They need ATTENTION. Now, that’s better. They are attention-seeking trans-

Here’s a quickie guide on fermenting your own veggies along with my results. On a basic level, all that fermenting vegetables requires is water, Himalayan pink salt or sea salt, and glass jars with air-tight lids. With that, you are ready to roll! You’re best off labelling your jars with their care instructions and date when you prep them.

parent vessels, taking up too much space in my kitchen. Most ferments are UV ray sensitive, meaning they don’t like when the sun shines in their eyes. I have to make some space in my (rather overfull) kitchen cabinets. Some of them leak for the first few days, leaving stained rings in my wood cabinets. (Lesson learned: second time around, I place each jar on a 9-inch plastic plate.) Oh, and all of them need burping to release the buildup of carbon dioxide in the jar. Burping is a method of quickly opening and closing the jar to allow the ferment to release the build-up of carbon dioxide. (Skipping the burp can cause the jar to explode from pressure. Not fun if it’s happening in your kitchen cabinet, except if you’re a teenage boy.) Lots o’ work — too much work, in fact — but I don’t cop out. I spend my days checking on my jars and asking Google if I’m crazy or not. It tells me that my chances for diabetes, high blood pressure, and depression are close to nil if I’m going to keep at it and then actually eat those attention-seeking fermented veggies. Various lifestyle sites suggest that a healthy gut is linked to a healthy mind, meaning that if one eats foods that support good digestion (i.e. fermented food), there can be a positive impact on one’s mood and behaviors. Okay, I’ll take that. Then comes the litmus test. The Results My lab experiment results emerge in stages. Four days, a week, two weeks, three weeks, and four weeks. Some veggies taste great, the kind I want to keep munching on, some are okay-for-a-health-thing, and others are downright wicked. (Read more deets in the sidebars.) One grew mold, I realize upon further inspection, and so I sadly discard it.

Over the course of the experiment, I’ve been proud to show off with my own array of jars to anyone who stop by at my house. Some are duly impressed, others less so. “Libby, you’ve become a health nut?” And I hurry to assure them that no, I’m not a health nut. Just running a wacky lab of samples in my kitchen and hoping to enjoy the outcome.

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Fermented Beets My Indian cleaning help once challenged me to guess how old she was. Nervous to guess a number that would peg her as old, I said 25. She burst out laughing. “Oh, no, I meant 20!” I hurried to rectify the situation. But she laughed even harder. “Miss, I am 48 years old! I will be 49 in the summer!” I gasped. Seriously, she was energetic and young looking. “How? What’s your secret?” “Ah,” she said, a wise look coming over her. “That’s because we don’t drive or take buses. We walk everywhere. And we eat vegetables.” “But we eat vegetables, too!” I protested. “Cucumbers, tomatoes, lettuce…” “Those are not vegetables!” she scoffed. “That’s water. We eat root vegetables. Like beets. Now that’s a vegetable!” That’s where I got my education that beets are healthy. For a while after the incident, I felt like I was cheating when I served lettuce salad. So, here come those healthful beets. Check. Beets fermented. Multiply that check by a hundred. (I wanted to say fermented beets are “healthy on steroids” but ugh, that’s a contradiction.)

Method: Peel and cut beets into chunks. Add something fun for taste such as garlic cloves, bay leaves, peppercorns, or any other herb. Fill jar with water, counting cups. Add one tablespoon of sea salt or pink salt for every three cups of water. Make sure the beets are fully submerged in the brine. Close the jar and seal it. Make sure to “burp” your jars every few days by quickly opening and closing your jar to release the built-up carbon dioxide.

Incubation period: One week at room temperature.

How it went over: I add basil leaves from my basil plant for taste, as well as several cloves of garlic. When they’re ready, I use the ready beet cubes to garnish a dish of salmon on Shabbos. My husband tastes a piece and bravely finishes it. I have three chunks that are okay, in a healthy way. Like, for something super-healthy, this can pass. As I write these words five days later, it’s Thursday already, and the jar is as full as it was on Shabbos.

Results: Okay. Good even. Let’s just see how fast the jar empties…

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Health benefits: Fermented beets are an excellent source of vitamin C and iron. They act as an incredible cleanser for the liver and is also said to improve breast milk.

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Fermented Cucumbers I know someone who pickles her own cucumbers and uses them in her regular supper rotation as the shmeasiest-to-prep veggie her kids delightedly finish off in seconds. Now that I’ve fermented cucumbers too, I know why.

Method: Use the firmest Persian cucumbers you can find. Wash them well and trim off blossom-ends. Pack your jar with cukes tightly. Add water to the jar, counting the number of cups you manage to fit in. Add one teaspoon of sea salt or Himalayan pink salt to every cup of water. This combination is called the “1% brine.” Throw garlic cloves in on top. Ensure that the cucumbers are fully submerged in the water or you’ll get a mushy pickle. Keep away from sunlight as the UV rays are bad for your pickles. Try a cabinet, deep drawer, or over your kitchen cabinets. (If you keep it over your kitchen cabinets, cover with a dishtowel to block sunlight.) Burp the jar twice a day (until the ferment stops bubbling). To check if your pickles are ready, remove one from the jar and slice lengthwise. If the pickle has green streaks, it’s ready to eat.

Health benefits: Fermented cucumbers are packed with probiotics that are good for your gut. Additionally, pickled cucumbers are high in beta-carotene, an antioxidant which your body uses for creating nice things like vitamin A. Research indicates that consuming fermented cucumbers may ease muscle cramps and curb sugar spikes.

How it went over: This is the only vegetable I’d actually been looking forward to eating pickled. Living half a world away from the beloved crunchy sour pickles I grew up on, I wanted to recreate that taste for myself. The only note of caution I’d give you would be to place a large plastic plate under the jar to catch the drip. In the first couple of days, as the ferment activates, it tends to run out of the jar (don’t ask me how it manages to get through the seal). The plate will catch the drip safely. 126

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Incubation period: Your pickles are technically ready after five days, but if you want the authentic experience with all those probiotics to give your gut a happy day, keep the pickles in the jar for three weeks in a cabinet, and one week in the fridge to finish off the fermenting process. The bottom line is that the longer you ferment your cucumbers, the more benefits you’ll have.

Results: Round one pickles: I taste the first one after a week — I just can’t wait anymore. It's lacking the anticipated crunch and is rather watery. The taste is awesome, though. I wait another whole week (long, long time when you’re eyeing pickles all day on top of the cabinets in the kitchen). Second time around, amid drumroll, I slice another pickle. I serve pickle slices for dinner and get rave reviews. It’s perfect. Just perfect. Crunchy, tasty, nostalgia-inducing, and hey, healthy too!

Round two pickles: After a week, I taste the first pickle. Mushy. Not rotten or sour. Just plain unpleasant to eat. According to Malka Kornreich, reasons for that may be:

RESTORE! your sense of smell & taste enjoy your food once again

1. I under-salted the brine. 2. The pickles were not fully submerged in the brine. 3. Fluctuation in temperature. We were having an unseasonably warm week when it suddenly got brutally cold for two days. 4. My cucumbers were overripe. I believe that in my case the pickles weren’t completely submerged in the water. In round one, my pickles had been pushed down slightly by the garlic cloves, thus being fully submerged. At the moment, I have two more large jars stuffed with cucumbers. My daughter and niece have already tried sneaking some, but this time, we will patiently wait out the full four weeks.

find it in your local health food stores

for ANY questions or comments:WELLSPRING releafhealing@gmail.com / NISSAN 5781 127

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Fermented Onions Master fermenter Malka Kornreich says she gives her kids a teaspoon of fermented onions every morning in the winter to boost their immune system. “They don’t like it, but they take it.” No such chance in my place, but I decided to try fermenting onions just for my own challenge.

Method: Chop a few onions and put them in a jar. (Alternatively, you can use whole pearl onions.) Fill jar with just enough water to cover the onions. Add 2 tablespoons of salt for every 4 cups of water. Make sure to “burp” your jars once a day by opening and immediately closing your jar to release the built-up carbon dioxide. After three to four weeks, your ferment is ready. Transfer to the fridge and use for three to months. You can speed up the fermentation process by adding a teaspoon of organic apple cider vinegar.

Health benefits: High level of probiotics that will turn your body into a full-munition army against invaders.

Incubation period: Three to four weeks at room temperature

How it went over: I religiously chop a bunch of onions and prepared the brine. I even remember to burp it every day. It releases a much-too-overpowering smell of onions each time I did it. After two days, I learn to stick the jar out the kitchen window for its burp. No more onion smells in my kitchen. I forget to burp the jar on Tuesday and Wednesday, two weeks in. I find it on Thursday with a little greenish fuzzy circle on the surface. I burp it quickly but apparently it’s too late. On Friday the fuzzy circle is larger. On Shabbos I don’t want to think about unhappy things in the cabinet. On Sunday I can no longer ignore it and find the entire surface covered in a fine layer of mold. I empty the contents into a bag, knot it tightly (a bit fiercely, I might add) and dispose of with no fanfare.

Results: Failure. Will not try again.

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I’ve never been a health nut, and I don’t intend on becoming one.

But I want to feed my kids the kinds of foods that will support their development.

We get you. WELLSPRING / NISSAN 5781

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Fermented Carrots Cube ready fermented carrots and add to a fresh salad for a sensational twist on old classics. Imagine the taste of pickles in the form of a carrot! This one’s a fun one.

Health benefits: Builds healthy immune system and prevents candida.

How it went over: Smooth going with this one. The carrot ferment follows the rules and behaves beautifully. As predicted, I spot bubbles on the top by roughly 40 hours and then refrigerate it for nearly two weeks. I taste one and love it. Apprehensively, I serve this to our Shabbos guests and they really like it, too. Good to know that my taste buds are alive and kicking. And normal.

Method: Peel carrots and slice them lengthwise to thin sticks. Pack your jar tightly with the carrot sticks and scatter several peeled cloves of garlic on the top. Fill the jar with water, counting the cups as you go. Add 2 teaspoons of sea salt or pink salt for every 3 cups of water. Make sure that the carrots are fully submerged in the brine. Some more ideas for fun add-ins include: onions, hot chili peppers, bay leaves, or dill leaves. Cover the jar loosely. (If your jar has a rubber ring for sealing, simply remove the ring.) Keep at room temperature in a cabinet or countertop for 24-48 hours. After approximately 24 hours, you’ll notice the little bubbles forming on the top of the brine. That means that your carrots are actively fermenting, and they are ready to be transferred to the fridge. Seal the jar well and place in the door of the fridge for 10 to 14 days.

Incubation period: 24–48 hours on the counter, 10–14 days in the fridge.

Results: Yup. Delicious. I put up a second batch as soon as I opened the first jar. This is my goto crunchy treat in the fridge right now. They taste like pickled cucumbers with a different flavor.

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My father was diagnosed with diabetes at age 42. His father succumbed to that same silent killer at the age of 65.

I want to know more about how to take care of my body.

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SAMPLE

Fermented Potatoes

Method: Peel and cube potatoes to 1.5-inch cubes. Stuff your jar as much as possible. Add water, counting cups as you go. Add a tablespoon of sea salt or pink salt for every liter of water.

How it went over:

Potato is a comfort food. Mashed potatoes, baked potatoes, potato kugel — you name it, we eat it. There aren’t many foods that make you feel warm inside and full like the spud does. But its carb content keeps many a craving consumer regretfully away. Well, fermenting potatoes for only 24 hours cuts 80% of the carb content. You can have your potato and feel good too!

Incubation period: 24 hours

I prepped the jar with the potatoes and left it on the counter for 24 hours. Then I rinsed the potato pieces and spread them on a baking sheet. I sprayed oil and sprinkled some salt and baked as usual. Same great taste. Why not?

Health benefits: Fermenting potatoes reduces its carbs by a whopping 80% and serves as a digestive enzyme builder.

Results: Excellent. Whether I will have patience to ferment my potatoes 24 hours in advance of using them is another question altogether. Although this was a resounding success, one must be pretty organized to pull this off all the time.

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Fermented Sweet Potatoes Sweet potato doesn’t get bad rap like the potato does, being that it has healthy properties such as being an excellent blood pressure regulator, but it still isn’t the low-carb vegetable we’d love it to be.

Method: Prep the same way potatoes are done. Peel and cube sweet potatoes. Add water, counting cups as you go. Add a tablespoon of sea salt or pink salt for every liter of water.

Incubation period: 24 hours

Health benefits: Fermenting sweet potatoes reduces its carb load by 80%. Furthermore, it contains properties that aid digestion.

Results: Great. As in, why not?

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How it went over: On Tuesday evening, I set up a jar with sweet potatoes to ferment. The next afternoon, I cooked the cubes with chicken for dinner. I think they’re softer after the ferment than plain raw sweet potato. Honestly, I don’t feel a difference in the taste of fermented sweet potato as opposed to non-fermented. People who are sensitive to starchy foods report feeling better after eating fermented sweet potatoes.

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SAMPLE

Fermented Garlic The fermentation process turns the garlic into a dark brown color and dulls the intense taste that raw garlic is known for, so no worries about chewing smell bombs. Reviews even describe it as sweet. Of course, garlic wins the competition with its dozens of medals in health benefits.

Incubation period: Let sit for 3 to 6 weeks at room temperature.

Method:

Health benefits: • Boosts your immune system • Aids digestion • Supports healthy blood pressure levels • Helps achieve or maintain healthy cholesterol levels • Fights cold and flu symptoms • Aids in your body’s detoxification

How it went over: I’ll be honest with you here. These fermented garlic cloves look and smell exactly like they are supposed to according to Google and all other smart folks, but fermented garlic is somehow too-too. I place a tiny dot of the fermented garlic on a slice of bread and don’t taste anything at all as the fermentation process is said to dull its intense taste.

Results: These are incredible for one’s immune system, but personally, I wouldn’t try them again. The entire jar is up for grabs right now. Takers?

Is the fermenting fad a keeper? Part of it, yes; part of it, not so much. I’d probably maintain pickling cucumbers and carrots. Curious about a health fad but don’t want to be the experimental subject just yet? I may want to experiment with that! Send a message to info@wellspringmagazine.com, subject line “Libby’s the Sample.” Meet you in the lab!

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Sources: Aradiantlyhealthylife.com, Allrecipes.com, Homesteadandchill.com, Malka Kornreich

Peel several heads of garlic and place in a jar. Add water, counting cups as you go. Salt it with 2 teaspoons of sea salt or pink salt for every 3 cups of water. Store in a cool area, like a cabinet.

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P r e s s u r e

r e l e a s e

How to minimize effects of varicose veins

by Dr. Chayala Englard

ith Pesach upon us, all the cleaning and cooking we so lovingly perform puts a bit of a strain on our bodies. Our legs especially take the brunt while we cook and bake for many hours. Leg swelling and varicose veins are common around this time of year. However, there are various treatment options that can bring happiness to those load-bearing limbs. This article will get technical at first, because facts are the foundation of knowledge. Important information, as well as a useful protocol, will follow. It is my hope that the information below helps you or someone you know toward greater healing.

Varicose Veins, Defined Varicose veins are a common condition caused by weak or damaged vein walls and valves. The American Academy of Family Physicians (AAFP) defines varicose veins as “veins that are subcutaneous (beneath the skin) and dilated to at least 3 mm in diameter when measured with the patient in an upright position.” According to the NIH (National Heart, Lung and Blood Institute), varicose veins may form whenever blood pressure increases inside your veins. Risk factors for varicose veins are categorized as hormonal, lifestyle, acquired, and inherited. Common risk factors are age, inactive lifestyle, prolonged sitting or standing, high BMI, chronic constipation, or family history of varicose veins. Though we often tend to blame genetics, they are just another factor. Lifestyle changes are the real key to management. Masha initially came to PT for pain she was experiencing in her lower back. During the history intake, she mentioned her strong genetics for varicose veins. Several family members have had surgery to repair burst blood vessels. She was fearful she was on the same path as her vein symptoms were quite severe during her pregnancies. Pregnancy and childbirth, especially multiple births, increase a woman’s risk for varicose veins. A study published in the Journal of Vascular Surgery (2020) found that high blood levels of estrogen are associated with clinical evidence of varicose veins. Many of my patients report “feeling” their veins at high-estrogen times. Relaxin, a

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FEATURE

hormone that is released in pregnancy, also contributes to venous-wall extensibility. (This same relaxin is responsible for esophageal sphincter laxity in pregnancy, a contributor to reflux.) Wall laxity, combined with the weight of the baby and increased overall swelling, blood flow, and general fluids, all play a role in the significant pressure buildup in the veins. The signs and symptoms of varicose veins include bulging, bluish veins, edema (swelling), aching pain, a feeling of heaviness in the legs and feet that worsen over the day, itching, skin discoloration, and nighttime leg cramps (MayoClinic.org). Varicosities typically form in the saphenous veins but may also develop in branch vessels. Obstruction of the iliac veins or inferior vena cava can result in extensive varicose veins. Pressure that affects the smaller veins can cause telangiectasia, known as spider veins, which are veins that are closer to the skin and are often red or blue. Reticular veins are larger than spider veins and smaller than varicose veins. Reticular veins run deeper in the leg than spider veins and are more likely to bulge and cause discomfort, especially with prolonged standing (VeinDirectory.org). Here’s a little anatomy and physiology lesson: How does the circulatory/ vascular system operate? Arteries are the blood vessels that carry blood away from the heart to the rest the body. (In anatomy class, the hint to remember arteries versus veins was the “a”; arteries pump blood away from the body.) Arterial walls have contractile properties that pump and propel the blood along the long vascular highways. Veins then return the blood from the body to the heart. Veins have elastic walls, not contractile walls; the elasticity in the venous walls, coupled with muscles, act as pumps to help blood return to the heart. Tiny valves in the veins open as blood flows toward the heart, and then close to stop blood from flowing backward. If these valves are weak or damaged, blood can flow backward and pool 140

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in the vein, causing the veins to stretch or twist. This is called retrograde flow or reflux. (Again, a similar situation occurs at the lower esophageal sphincter, contributing to reflux.) To review, rather than blood flowing from distal (further away) to proximal, and superficial to deep, failed or incompetent valves allow blood to flow in the reverse direction (AAFP.org).

The primary reason why the veins in the lower extremities are most commonly affected is due to pressure.

If the cause of varicose veins is not clear from the clinical examination or if an intervention is being considered, venous ultrasonography to evaluate for superficial and deep venous reflux should be performed. If obstruction or extrinsic compression of iliac venous segments or the inferior vena cava is suspected, additional imaging such as computed tomographic, magnetic resonance, or invasive venography may be indicated (AAFP.org).

Surgical Options Varicose veins may be treated effectively with a number of local ablative therapies, including sclerotherapy, thermocoagulation, and cutaneous laser. Each technique relies on endothelial injury, either chemical, or heat-based, that results in thrombosis and eventual fibrosis of the veins. Providers should emphasize to patients that most will require multiple treatments (AAFP.org). I work closely with Dr. David Feng, regional director at the Center for Vein Restoration. Once a month, the office runs a pelvic clinic, and I’ve had the privilege of rotating with Dr. Feng. I asked him to contribute his thoughts on pelvic congestion syndrome. Dr. Feng states that “surgery is not the answer to pelvic congestion/vulvar vein disease. Treatments are minimally invasive and involve catheter-directed therapies including stenting, as well as embolization of diseased veins in the abdomen and pelvis. Treatments should be considered for patients with symptoms, re-

The Pressure System Treatment The primary reason why the veins in the lower extremities (LEs) are most commonly affected is due to pressure. Those who are in occupations that entail prolonged sitting or standing are at high risk for LE swelling and varicosities. Common examples are pharmacists, nurses, teachers, and salesclerks.

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Many patients report worse varicosities in one LE versus the other. In rare cases, the difference is due to vascular abnormalities. One such syndrome is called May-Thurner syndrome, a rarely diagnosed condition in which patients develop iliofemoral deep venous thrombosis (DVT) due to an anatomical deviation in which the right common iliac artery overlies and compresses the left common iliac vein against the lumbar spine (Baylor University Medical Center Proceedings). In physical therapy, we find that the main contributor to the venous discrepancy between the right and left limb is unequal weight bearing. In other words, the individual is standing with more weight on one leg versus the other, which increases the venous pressure on the weight-bearing limb. Most right-handed individuals tend to stand with their weight shifted onto their left leg, freeing up their right side to perform activities. Mothers tend to hold their babies on the non-dominant hip while taking care of their household. This creates an overall shift in gravity, with one side of the body predominantly acting as the stability side and the other, mobility. Patients should be educated on the importance of equal weight bearing and trained to stand with symmetrical load bearing. (I always jest about an invention that would be placed under the heels in footwear and send buzzing sensations to the feet when unequal weight bearing is detected.) Sometimes a patient will present with a significant vein severity in one LE due to a leg-length discrepancy. A simple heel lift in the shoe can help to alleviate some of the pressure in the “shorter” limb and level out the weight-bearing load. Varicose veins can form in other parts of the body as well. Hemorrhoids are a type of varicose vein that develops in the rectum due to increase of pressure

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gardless of future plans for childbearing. Treatments do not affect subsequent pregnancies and can be simply revised should the pregnancies cause additional complications. A consultation with an authority on pelvic venous disease is the first step to finding a solution to pelvic venous disease.”

FEATURE

from straining, constipation, heavy lifting, and/or childbirth. A squatty potty is helpful to offload the hemorrhoids during elimination. This allows the hemorrhoids to heal without the constant irritation. Common remedies include Hemerrox products, witch hazel, cortisone suppositories, and peppercorns. The number one most widely used tool for varicose veins is compression. Compression stockings improve venous hemodynamics by decreasing venous reflux and reducing ambulatory venous hypertension (Circulation, 2014, Gregory Piazza, MD, MS, Cardiovascular Division, Brigham and Women’s Hospital). Women with moderate-severe varicose veins report the need to immediately don their stocking in the morning as they are unable to stand without the stockings. Other forms of compression include taping techniques or compression garments worn for perineal veins. Some of my patients’ favorites include shorts by Soledea, EVB, or SRC, the V2 supporter, Underworks, and the Belly Bandit V-sling. In addition, proper supportive footwear is necessary for arch and postural support, which will decrease venous load.

Step 2: Elevate and Stretch Lie with your feet extended up on a wall for a minimum of 5–10 minutes, while performing diaphragmatic breathing. This will help promote the upward blood flow. This position is also excellent for stretching glutes and calves. Make certain that your knees are fully extended and point your toes toward your nose. Some have also found it beneficial to permanently raise the foot of the bed to help with blood flow throughout the night.

Step 3: Exercise— Mobility and Strengthening Any exercise that gets the legs moving is amazing for venous flow. Walking, swimming, and biking are great for calf pumping. Specific strengthening exercises include standing heel raises, squats, and supine hip circles with toes pointing/flexing.

The Protocol Over the years of treating hundreds of women, I’ve fine-tuned a protocol for varicose vein treatment. The protocol is especially helpful in pregnancy and for those who have standing occupations (all moms!). I will delineate the steps below. I advise you to put these steps into practice to alleviate symptoms, particularly during the Yom Tov season.

Step 1: Soft Tissue Massage Since the calf and thigh muscles act as pumps to assist the blood flow from distal to proximal, we need to ensure that they are supple, pliable, and flexible for optimal performance. In a semi-reclined position, massage all sides of the thigh (top, bottom, inside, and outside) with back-and-forth motions 10 times. Then perform 10 deep strokes on calves upward motion only. You may also use a muscle stick or rolling pin. Ideally, someone should perform the techniques on you so your body can be fully relaxed. Patients like to return periodically to PT for “tune-ups” to have the massage done by trained hands. Side note: Manual Lymphatic Drainage massage (MLD) is another wonderful massage technique that promotes vascular and lymph flow. Dry brushing is also gaining popularity as another tool for improved lymph and vascular flow and detoxification. 142

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Step 4: Skincare It is imperative that your skin be well hydrated and moisturized to maintain elasticity and help support cell walls. Moisturized skin also helps prevent cuts and bruises and potential hemorrhaging from nicked veins. Butchers Broom and Horse Chestnut are two potent plants that assist with circulation. Patients have found it immensely beneficial in a cream version when applied on the legs.

Step 5: General Wellness This encompasses deep restful sleep, stress reduction, and nutrition. Specific foods to avoid are salty foods, fried foods, refined carbohydrates, and added sugars. The sodium in salt causes the body to retain water, adding to the venous load. On the positive side, there are also foods that are very beneficial for veins. Many specialists agree that the best foods for varicose veins are those high in rutin. Rutin has the ability to strengthen weak capillaries, and is a vaso-protective, anti-inflammatory, antithrombotic (protects against blood clots), and antioxidant. Natural sources of rutin are apple, buckwheat, grapes, cherries, apricots, and blackberries. Other great foods that are natural vein healers are watercress, avocados, asparagus, beets, ginger, and rosemary (veincen-

teratjohnscreek.com). Phlebotonics are oral and topical therapies that may increase venous tone, improve capillary hyper-permeability, and decrease blood viscosity (thickness). They include flavonoids or other compounds often extracted from plants, such as rutin (also called rutoside), diosmin, hidrosmin, disodium flavodate, French maritime pine bark extract (Pycnogenol), grape seed extract, and horse chestnut seed extract (Aesculus hippocastanum). Diosmiplex (Vasculera) is the only prescription formulation available in the United States. Diosmiplex is derived from orange rinds and is categorized as a medical food, not a drug. The usual dosage is 630 mg daily (AAFP.org). To summarize, the steps for varicose vein treatment are:

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• Soft tissue massage • Elevate and stretch • Exercise, mobility, and strengthening • Skincare Masha has been following the protocol for the past few years. “I do the glides every Friday even when I’m not pregnant,” she says. “They’re amazing! Walking is key. I also do stretches and squats regularly, which helps the blood flow.” She hopes to avoid surgery by being consistent with her home program and having “tune-ups” every so often. For Chana, another woman with varicose vein experience, her foot was so swollen she couldn’t get her shoes on. “The elastic top of any pair of socks would make a mark on my skin,” she shares. “At times, the pain was so intense that I literally could not stand. There was one horrible-looking vein that popped out dangerously; I was afraid it would just explode. I was instructed to put kinetic tape across it, binding my foot in a way that felt almost like it was holding me together. I would leave it on for a few days and then change the tape. It was a lifesaver! I was also shown how to massage my tight muscles to make the blood flow better, and to lie with my feet propped up against the wall so the blood could flow back out of my legs.” Varicose veins can significantly impact your life, whether as a nuisance or by causing daily pain. I advise you to educate yourself on the facts and then empower yourself with the tools so that you can lead a comfortable, productive, and healthy life. Dr. Chayala Englard is a doctor of physical therapy who specializes in women’s health and pelvic floor rehab.

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• General wellness

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Cup of Tea with Esther Levy AGE:

Esther Levy

LOCATION: Los Angeles, California

OCCUPATION: CEO at Ujjayi Inc., yoga and meditation instructor

SINCE: 2015

FAMILY: 5 kids

PASSION: Words

SHE WISHES PEOPLE WOULD KNOW THAT: We are not born all at once, only by bits.

By Faigy Schonfeld

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CANCELING OUT THE DARKNESS When I learned I’d be interviewing Esther, I knew I’d want to start the piece by describing her yoga and meditation class.

That’s where Ujjayi expands from being a skincare line into a self-care platform that focuses on strengthening the emotional core through meditation. Most of us suffer from emotional indigestion. “My goal is to allow people to be confident. To be comfortable with themselves,” Esther says simply, “By carving time out to improve our inner experience, life around us improves as well.”

But when I tune in one Thursday night, I find there isn’t much to describe.

Raw Start

There’s peaceful music, deep and slow, it is barely moving. Esther’s voice is steady in the background, calm. Guiding participants in and out of various poses. Eventually, she dims the lights, fetches a scented candle, and asks us to relax into silent meditation for five minutes.

Listening to Esther speak makes me think of the ocean on a calm day; there’s depth and strength, but the assurance in her voice is steady, like the lilt and flow of the waves. It all sounds dreamy but, Esther assures me, it wasn’t always quite this magical.

For five minutes, I close my eyes. Forget that it’s Thursday night, two pots bubbling on the stove, another two in the sink, forget I-still-need-to-make-the-fish-I-need-acleaning-lady-help! It’s like stepping into an alternate universe, a five-minute space of stillness, and transcendence.

Things looked magical enough, though. “My kids looked perfect, I owned a house, my husband was learning. I was working both as a sheitel macher and a party planner. And I was involved in every school function, of course,” Esther shares. “So when things started to unravel, slowly at first, I just assumed I needed to work harder, and so I did.”

The experience all comes together nicely with the oneword description: Ujjayi. That’s the name of Esther’s brand, and also her vision. Ujjayi, Esther explains of the exotic name, is Sanskrit for breath. “We want our skin to breathe.” Esther Levy, mother of five, is a Los Angeles–based meditation teacher, and the owner of Ujjayi, a line of skincare and meditation products that are more than just clean and free of toxins. Handcrafted, they are formulated, produced, and packaged full of intention, with the process being just as essential as the end result. But since skin is a reflection of the internal state of the body, Esther didn’t want to skip the internal aspect: What 146

is the balance going on inside the body?

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It didn’t always look like this.

Seven months pregnant with her third child, Esther discovered a lump in her breast and came down with whooping cough for good measure. Her baby was born with so many allergies that she found herself changing bloody sheets every morning. At the same time, her three-year-old son contracted the mumps. When he got over that, he ran into pneumonia, then other complications. After that ordeal, he was diagnosed as clinically deaf. “Nobody was giving me answers, so I started studying healing on my own,” Esther says. There was lots to discover; energy healing, body alignment, how the food we eat interacts with our bodies. She removed all dairy from her

DIGEST WITH EASE. But still, being more educated wasn’t enough. “Nobody had taught me that taking care of myself is essential,” Esther points out, “Nobody taught me how to take care of myself, for that matter.” She didn’t realize, at first, that if she wanted to help her children, she would need to engage in self-healing first. “I figured I was being moser nefesh, I’m sacrificing for all the right reasons,” Esther says, “So I just pushed harder. I figured that things would sort themselves out. They had to.” Only they didn’t. “During that time,” Esther shares, “I did a lot of observing of my surroundings. And I sensed that something was off. I started to realize that the concept that I grew up with, that as long as I work hard enough, I’ll get where I want to go, is a sham. I had to accept that no matter how much effort I put in, I will never be able to fix certain things, for myself, or for my kids, or in my marriage.” Shortly afterward, at 26, pregnant with her fifth child, Esther felt that “suddenly it was all too much. It started with nausea, then my left shoulder went numb, and then my body was simply shutting down.” By the time Esther was rushed to the hospital, she was given three hours to live. B’chasdei Hashem, Esther pulled through. And that’s when the fun began: CT scans and ultrasounds and blood work, but nothing out of the ordinary showed up. “I wanted a diagnosis so badly,” Esther recalls, “Give me a name, give me medicine. That way I can complain, blame somebody, something. Let me get on with it. But no. They told me that my body was completely healthy.” It was painful, but it opened Esther’s eyes. “I realized

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son’s diet and visited many holistic practitioners. Baruch Hashem, after several weeks, his hearing was restored. For her allergic son, it took lots of experimenting with food to figure out what was triggering his reactions. Turns out that fruit, besides for pears and apples, were toxic for him.

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“When things started to unravel, slowly at first, I just assumed I needed to work harder, and so I did.”

that this was all stress. If stress nearly killed me once, it could happen again.” At the time, Esther says, she had no relationship with herself. The conventional school and home systems, she believes, are not created around this experience, with the idea that emotions matter, and they matter a lot. That we require and deserve time to rest and digest our emotions, every day, just like we know that food needs to be digested and eliminated. “As I was internalizing what was happening to me, I understood that I had to look more deeply to see where my stress was coming from and how to eliminate it.”

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internal sensations manipulating your physical reality. That’s how it is with everything in life. “Suppose you worked months to create this majestic Yom Tov table,” Esther offers, “And now everything is perfect. The tablescape, the food, the fresh-faced children in matching clothes. But there’s a child screaming right next to you.” Esther pauses. “Now what if I tell you to just enjoy it all, with that child screaming in your ears? It’s useless.”

Noise Everywhere

You can’t enjoy anything in life with the child screaming at your side. The louder the volume, the more it drives you nuts. And to distract ourselves from our reality, or from pain, so many of us are creating the noise, turning up the volume, by buying a new sheitel or redecorating the house or going shopping.

“I believe that we don’t see with our eyes, we ‘see’ with our ears,” Esther says. Look at babies, who first develop their sense of smell and hearing, and only afterward, their eyesight. From a neuro-chemical perspective, there are two milliseconds between what we smell, then hear, then see. Your eyes see everything as neutral, for example a jar of pickles. But when your mouth starts to water, it’s your own body doing it, not the sight of the pickle. It’s your

It’s kind of like going on a diet, Esther says. We can always make that rule not to eat when we’re hungry. If we make sure to eat before we get hungry, we’ll never get hungry! But people like to eat when they are hungry, because the sensation of eating is so much more fun then, so much more pleasurable and addictive. And we crave those pleasurable sensations, so we shop when we feel not good inside, and then go see a therapist when we feel like

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“Those sensations are the noise in our brain, like the screaming child,” Esther explains. “No matter what you buy or eat in that moment, it won’t help. Because it’s all noise, distracting you from being able to enjoy life, to enjoy your own being with no strings attached.

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“We need to learn how to quiet the mind, how to settle those noises. To step inside ourselves, slow down, and relax.” That’s why self-care, setting aside time every day to rest and digest your emotions, is vital for your well-being, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. “Our bodies don’t speak English, or any other language. So the details don’t matter, whether there is abuse, a death in the family r”l, or just Pesach stress. All your body knows is cortisol and serotonin, and it can read that flashing red light that cries: Stress!”

Getting to the Core “Some people believe that if they aren’t busy, they don’t matter,” Esther remarks. “The more overwhelmed and stressed out they are, the more important they feel. And that sensation is addictive.” But spending time with yourself can be challenging at first. “So many of us associate being with ourselves with feeling lonely. I believe it’s due a lot to the fact that as kids, we get sent out of class, or to our rooms, for misbehavior. Or if someone doesn’t like us, they will create distance between us.” All this contributes to the conception that being by ourselves is depressing and lonely, rather than being about calm, clarity, and creating space. Which is where Esther’s self-healing approach, Core Kavanah, comes in. “We are only as strong physically, as we are emotionally—especially women,” Esther notes. “It’s like building a muscle; just like you can choose to master

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we’re in ruins.

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cooking or shopping or dancing, you can choose to build your emotional core. “And that core needs time, attention, and work. Because you can have the most magnificent car, spanking new with all the bells and whistles, but if it won’t start, it’s worth nothing. The nervous system, our emotions, are the body’s ignition.”

“When we run up against a challenge with a child, we need to take responsibility. We need to heal ourselves if we want to heal our children.”

For most women, the first thing to go is their nervous system, their emotional health. It doesn’t always show up as classic emotional distress right away, Esther points out, so you may want to ask yourself how healthy your teeth are. Your teeth are connected to nerves. Your fingers, your toes, your gait, your sleep. Your emotions are real, and when undigested, they may run rampant, creating havoc all over the place. That may be why some women limp, some have migraines, and others back problems.

“What are you doing to make sure your ignition starts?” Esther asks. “Because if it won’t start, then it doesn’t matter how fancy your house is or how many friends you have: you’re going nowhere. Your body cannot process food properly, or absorb minerals, or function in a way that allows you to enjoy the human experience.” Where we want to get to is alignment between mind and body, a space in which our body and soul are connected. In that space, there is peace. And pain will go away. “That’s because pain is created in a space where we are not connected to the body, we’re living solely in our minds,” Esther explains, “And that usually happens when the brain is moving too fast, is on a different wavelength than the body.” When it comes to pain, Western medicine focuses on not creating any more pain than the body is already having. So if someone has a headache and she doesn’t have a relationship with her body, she might pop a pain reliever because she doesn’t know how to soothe her pain. (According to Esther, this is why many women opt for the epidural during labor: if you don’t know your body, you don’t have a handle on the pain, and it makes everything worse. On the flip side, women can learn to connect with themselves, to 150

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relax into their body, and be okay with the pain.) Building our emotional core sounds rosy, but how can we do that? “I like to call it emotional hygiene,” Esther says. “Someone who doesn’t take care of themselves for a week will probably emit an odor. It’s the same on an emotional level. If someone neglects their inner core, they emit negative vibes. They are toxic. Their children sense it, anyone can.”

Esther offers a free Zoom class for women every day. “We do guided meditation, which is restorative and focuses on body alignment.” Esther says. When I tell Esther that body alignment sounds to me like the kind of thing chiropractors do, she tells me that she’s had women join her classes and eventually stop seeing their chiropractor. “It’s because they learn how to live without creating that intensity, without putting all that stress on the body.” Through meditation, Esther aims to create less intensity, less noise on the brain. There are simple changes that can make a big difference. “Suppose you’re having a bad day and you want to say, ‘I hate today!’ By saying those same three words, but saying them slowly, with no intensity, you are still expressing yourself, but without creating that impact and stress.” It’s learning how to put in less effort, instead of more. The Chovos Halevavos teaches that this world is an olam asiyah, a world in which we have to do hishtadlus, Esther points out. But it doesn’t say how much hishtadlus should be done. So we get addicted to being busy, because it stimulates us and makes us feel good. Instead, Esther chooses to quiet that noise. To connect, to be receptive, not to be the resource. Her approach is not about doing intensive emotional work, digging up old pain, stirring up commotion. There’s often no need to find the cause, or the solution. By starting that conversation, you are just triggering drama, which becomes traumatic, which becomes PTSD. What’s more important, she posits, is to just accept, to allow yourself to be whatever you are. We are all created to be vessels, to contain, collect, and

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Because the skin is a reflection of the body’s inner state, Esther believes it should be treated kindly, with products that nourish and heal not only the body, but also the mind and spirit.

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absorb. “Things happen through us. Our job is to absorb some things, observe others. We need to create that quiet space within ourselves, just to be. “It’s an avodah, every day,” she says. “Just like we can’t eat today for tomorrow, we need to work every day to keep our body and mind in tune with each other at all times, which gives us the space to truly connect to Hashem.”

Every product is cleansing, healing, and rejuvenating, while still being functional. A good example is the activated charcoal-based deodorants Esther created, which are aluminum-free and made with pure ingredients that absorb sweat while combating body odor, without irritating the skin. Since armpits are the filter for the liver, kidney, and bladder, using standard antiperspirant deodorant is downright harmful, because it blocks the release of all those toxins, keeping it stuck in the chest area instead. Everything involved in the process of creating these products is done with focus and intention. “I meditate first,” Esther shares, “to make sure I’m calm and centered.” While Esther and her staff members are mixing and pouring, they listen to Soundbath, a frequency of music that’s very healing. The environment is peaceful and balanced, so that the final product is imbued with that soothing energy. It’s said best on Esther’s website, Ujjayiinc.com: “Every item is handcrafted in LA with unconditional love.” While studying fragrances, Esther discovered that in order for one mood to be expressed, it needs to be canceled out by an opposite, “Just like we need darkness in order for light to dispel it.” That’s why Esther’s packaging is mostly done in darker tones, and she uses more musky fragrances like vanilla, or earthy, nature-related scents. “People sometimes enjoy lavender, or other floral and calming fragrances. But I like to focus on specific scents that are grounding, more rustic, rooted in nature. Because if you

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Esther sells all sorts of cool things, from oral hygiene products like a peppermint mouth wash and charcoal tooth powder, to moisturizers and facial cleansing products, to nourishing lip balms. There are also lots of dreamy-sounding products as well, like scented candles that promote meditation and balance, a self-love meditation blanket, a chakra mist for pre and post meditation, and a moon bath—an herb and clay body mask for an in-home spa experience.

CUP OF TEA

think about it, a lot of what we are missing is a sense of groundedness.” Like light canceling out darkness, using more grounding notes can help women bring out their femininity, the softer side. From the passion in Esther’s gentle words, I get the feeling that she loves what she does. “I know most of my customers by name,” she offers, “And they can contact me with any challenges they have.” Sometimes, a customer may experience a physical reaction to a product, and it is usually related to stress. “I once spoke to a customer who developed a rash in his armpit after using our deodorant. After a short conversation I learned that his wife had just given birth to their second child. Their first was one year old.” Esther instructed him not to use the deodorant for a week, to moisturize the area, and to drink plenty of water. “When we experience a bodily symptom, it is our bodies telling us that we are not aligned.” Today, Esther is in a position where others turn to her for guidance on healthy living. What was the best advice she ever received? “Probably the best piece of advice I ever got is that I can stay in pajamas for as long as I want,” Esther says, and her tone is serious. “Just get comfortable. We need to stop pushing, stop trying so hard, to be more intelligent, to achieve more. Honor the space in which you are right now and get to know yourself. That is the solution to every problem.” When we learn to quiet the noise inside, every moment of life becomes high definition, higher quality. “I’m dynamite right now, both physically and emotionally,” Esther

says, “but it hasn’t always been this way.” Life is full of choices, but when we’re in a balanced place, we can choose to follow what really matters to us. “For me, my goal is to focus on self-care, to get to know myself better in every possible way. By putting myself first, I give everyone else permission to be first in their lives. I’m teaching my children not to neglect themselves.” Before she developed her emotional core, Esther says, she was doing the matching-clothes, polished-home, perfect-looking-family thing. But not anymore. “I only have so much energy, and I choose to prioritize my children’s emotional health.” By focusing on healing herself, so much healing came about for her children. “Al tikrei banayich ela boneiyich,” Esther quotes. “Children aren’t your possessions; they are here to build you. When we run up against a challenge with a child, we need to take responsibility. We need to heal ourselves if we want to heal our children.” The conversation circles back to where we began: build your inner space. “The term akeres habayis contains the root from akarah, a woman with an empty womb,” Esther points out. “Our job as keepers of the home is simply to create space for our children. We don’t have to fill the space, you know. Just allow everyone around you to be. That’s enough.” But people will always come up and say: How can I build my inner core? How do I design a space I’ve never seen? That prompted Esther to write her book, Ujjayi Interior Designer, in which she uses the seven elements of interior design as a metaphor for building your inner world.

“You say that your passion is words,” I say. “Tell me more about that.” “I’m very curious about words,” she offers. “I love to know how they work, how they’re formulated, how they sound, how they vibrate through the body. I love to explore how they touch others. Which words unlock, the tone we use in the expression. How words help us connect. Which words keep our attention. The words that get our prayers answered. The healing in words. I always wonder about words. Actually, my next book is a poetry book called Love Her.” Esther also coaches women, as well as couples. “I don’t do this for parnassah,” she says. “I have a business. I do the coaching because I am passionate about self-healing.”

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Now, I love all this stuff. I listen to Esther telling me to slow down, to get comfortable, and to me that translates into taking a nap. Right now. But hey, I need to do the grocery shopping. Um, like right now. I tell Esther as much, so she asks me, “What happens if you don’t do the shopping now?”

“Well, no milk tomorrow morning, for starters,” I say. “What about the consequence of Mom not taking care of herself?” I’m no match for Esther and I can see where this is going. “Do you really think your kids will recall if there was milk in the fridge on Wednesday morning, or will they remember the serenity of their mother, the ambiance in their home?” If you really want to practice self-care, you can make it practical, Esther says. “Remember, you don’t need a traumatic event to make things unravel. All you need to do is neglect yourself long enough.” You can have your shopping done on time, Esther tells me, and your sparkling floor too. But if it comes at your emotional expense, you’ve accomplished nothing but a big mess. “Believe me, nobody cares about your sparkling floor. Nobody.” Since I complained of always hankering for a nap, Esther gives me a piece of advice. (Note: In the two days since our interview and the writing of this article, I tried implementing it, although in a very modest, modified way. I like it so much, I am hereby gonna share it with all of you.) If you’re low on energy, Esther told me, speak quietly. Speak slowly. Don’t have more than one phone conversation each day. (Even if I love to talk?) Yes, Esther said, don’t leak out all your energy to others. Preserve it, so that you can empower yourself, and by extension, everyone around you.

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Okay, so I admit I could technically push it off, go have my nap, but there will be consequences. “Consequences such as?” Esther prompts.

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FEATURE

Mapping out Midlife You’ve made it! You’ve reached the proverbial top of the hill, having spent the last two decades or so engaged in the rush-rush of daily life, possibly tending to the constant needs of a growing family and experiencing the various physical effects that are characteristic of the child-bearing years. Now, as you’re entering a new stage, you know to expect changes. In a way, life may be slowing down for you. You may find that you now have more time to give yourself the time, love, and care you haven’t been able to give yourself during your previous stages of life. You may also notice how your body is changing during this period. Here are some tidbits of information I gathered over years of experience with women in midlife years. By Dr. Rachel Schwartz WELLSPRING / NISSAN 5781

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Who’s Looking After You? Perhaps my most important recommendation for women in midlife is to establish a rapport with a physician. During earlier stages in life, you may have consulted with your OB/GYN and occasionally enlist the medical advice of your child’s pediatrician. Now, as your visits to your OB/ GYN and pediatrician are becoming less frequent, forming a relationship with a physician or internist is essential for your health. As you transition from child care to proper adult care, you would like to have someone guiding you. He/she will help you navigate different tests that need to be taken, vaccines, blood work, etc. You also need someone with which to share any concerns or questions you have about your health, someone to trust with any medical information. As you experience changes in your body, you want to know that you’re trying your best to stay on top of your health.

Mammograms

Mammograms are crucial for health maintenance. Generally speaking, you would want to take a mammogram annually, starting from the age of 40. Needless to say, if you have a family history of breast cancer, be in touch with your physician about when he thinks you need to begin testing, and ask him about BRCA testing. Different doctors have different opinions on the matter. Women often procrastinate with their screening, not deeming it as a top priority. I might seem overly dramatic, but in my experience, mammograms were and are potentially lifesaving. I worked with a patient who went for her first mammogram at 35 because a maternal aunt had breast cancer. At 38, she was diagnosed with a premalignant lesion in her breast. Having caught it in an early stage, the patient was spared from intense treatment and life-threatening risks. We can’t prevent cancer, but we can be on top of it. Look at it as your hishtadlus. 156

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High Blood Pressure (HBP) I refer to HBP as the silent disease since it usually goes undetected. However, if you follow up with your doctor annually, s/he will check for HBP. Because HBP can potentially cause heart disease, strokes, and other medical conditions, it’s important to check your blood pressure, at least yearly. If you’re on any form of contraceptives, those check-ups are even more important, since the combination of contraceptives and HBP can be dangerous. If there’s a family history of HBP, please check yourself frequently because it’s very genetically linked. If you were diagnosed with HBP early on, you might try to incorporate lifestyle changes, such as healthy eating, exercise, or reducing stress, before turning to medications. One of my patients, overweight, was diagnosed with HBP at the age of 50. After losing 30 pounds, her HBP was gone.

Menopause Perimenopause and menopause run the gamut of how it can affect you. On one extreme, some women go through it without even realizing; on the other extreme, women can experience hot flashes, decreased heat tolerance, insomnia, hair and skin changes, dryness, night sweats, weight gain, and other physical symptoms. On the emotional end, women can expect to feel moodier and slightly depressed. Sometimes, women don’t realize the how menopause is affecting them and suffer silently. If you have any concerns in any area, be open and discuss it with your gynecologist or internist. Since menopause will affect everyone differently, you would want to discuss your particular symptoms with your physician and hear if he has anything to offer to make it easier. In certain cases, some doctors will encourage hormonal therapy. I generally don’t recommend it due to the controversy around it and its cons. You may want to try a more holistic approach such as yoga, journaling, or art.

Emotional Wellbeing Managing an adult household, marrying off children, empty-nest syndrome, taking care of elderly parents, and/or handling career changes can take a toll on our emotional wellbeing. You’re at a crucial crossroad in life; you’re entering a new phase. Midlife is about perspective. People face depression, anxiety, loneliness, and boredom. You might wonder how to move forward. Learn to embrace this new stage. You might want to speak with a therapist if things are getting more intense. It’s common for old incidents or relationships to resurface and cause emotional stress. It’s also a perfect time to decide what you would like to do instead of having your schedule determined by the constant needs of young children. Rediscover a hobby, volunteer, go back to school, enjoy a workout at the gym, meet friends, and get involved in chesed — do what talks to you! Allow yourself to practice self-care in a way that you haven’t been able to do in the first stage of your life, as you were busy taking care of your family.

Sleep Disturbances

Time and again, patients hitting midlife turn to me complaining about their sleep disturbances. It’s important to rule out any medical conditions with your PCP. In some cases, it’s a side effect of menopause, and you may want to try incorporating some lifestyle habits such as relaxing at night, sleep hygiene, changing room ambience, or working through your anxiety.

Weight Gain Generally, women find themselves with excessive weight that accumulated throughout their childbearing and childrearing years. Keep in mind that losing weight will definitely be harder after the age of 40, so you need to be more patient and persistent if you’re looking to shed pounds. If you’re maintaining a healthy lifestyle and still not losing any weight, it’s important to do blood tests to check for any underlying medical conditions that may be impeding your weight loss.

A graduate of Sackler School of Medicine, Dr. Rachel Schwartz completed an internal medicine residency with a sub-specialty in women’s health at Jacobi/Einstein Hospital. She is currently in private practice in Lawrence, New York. She can be contacted via Wellspring.

WELLSPRING / NISSAN 5781

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BEST MEDICINE

NEW COLUMN!

ALL YOU NEED IS THIS RED CARD

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A Ten-Day Plan to Becoming Your Healthiest, Bestest Self (no guarantees or references provided) By Rena Nathan

t was at the moment when I was shaking the protein powder into lukewarm water while standing near the coffee machine at the office that my life changed forever. If that sounds melodramatic, then I’m glad. Since my story is of the life-changing variety, with new vistas and eye-opening epiphanies, it’s only proper that it’s preceded by an appropriate introduction. Back to my lunch break. So this new intern was eyeballing me, sucking her bottom lip, clearly wondering if she should make her move. She obviously had something to say, and because I consider myself a fairly benevolent person in the minutes immediately after my morning cup o’ coffee, I walked over and extended an extra packet. “Want some?” I did not expect her to recoil at Mr. Pea Protein, chocolate flavored, no less, with such visible distaste. I did not expect her to reach into her purse and pull out the red laminated card. And I certainly did not expect her to launch into an obviously prepared speech, as I shifted from heel to heel, and watched Mr. Pea Protein slowly fade into dark oblivion, clumping at the bottom of the cup. I’m a polite person. At work. Usually. So I listened as she talked about fad diets. And how Mr. Pea Protein had raked in billions of dollars over the past year from naïve consumers like myself. How there is no record of long-term upkeep and results. How diets are sooooo a thing of the past, and how my body was being deprived of a healthy balance, due to falsities promulgated by a multibillion dollar industry. Turns out she was a health coach but was taking a brief hiatus to work in a marketing office. Which is cool. Live and let live. It seems that at least one of us was familiar with that concept. After seven-and-a-half minutes, it was finally over. Just me, Mr. Pea, and pitying glances from Kayla, Leah, and

Dassa. Oh, and a red laminated card that was emblazoned with “10 Ways to Live a Healthy Lifestyle,” in an incongruous neon pink. It was 10 p.m. that night when I finally got on the scale for my weekly weigh-in. Yes, I know that it’s best to do it in the morning. I, however, have this foolproof system of doing it at night, and then subtracting three to seven pounds to even out the difference. However, tonight, even my amazing system couldn’t outsmart the bitter reality. Not only had I not lost any weight this week, I had actually gained half a pound! Could it be that Miss Red Card was right after all? That my pea-protein-induced misery for the past month had all been for naught? That my children had suffered unduly from my deprivation-induced irritability? Had my husband, bless his soul, been gagging pea-protein-veggie burgers covered in ketchup, for no reason at all? A Jewish mother’s guilt is an incredible thing. Legend has it that Einstein came up with his most clever theories after his mother guilt-tripped him enough that he wasn’t a doctor. Or a rabbi. Difference of opinion there. So I decided, for the sake of my children who would be better off with a mother, and for the sake of my future daughtersin-law who shouldn’t be deprived of an able-bodied shvigger, that I would have one last-ditch attempt at the health thing. Only this time, I would be an empowered Healthful Living model of balance and grace. I would follow the neon pink ten commandments and restore my equilibrium, regain my verve, and never have a messy house again. Hey, why not shoot for the stars? So, for your convenience and reference, I divided the list into 10 separate days, giving myself ample time to focus on each rule and ingrain each gem into the core of my being. Follow my journey and prepare to be inspired. There’s no turning back now…

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DAY

Don’t smoke So this proved to be a hard one for me, since, determined as I was to challenge my current lifestyle, smoking was never a “thing.” In fact, it barely registered in my life, until I woke up one night as a kallah in a fit of terror, realizing that I had never found out if my new chassan was a smoker! Poor guy was treated to a phone call from his hysterical bride-to-be, demanding to know how many cigarettes a day he puffed — and also if he eats gebrochts on Pesach, because if he doesn’t, then that might be an actual deal breaker. I decided to be mekayem this golden rule by wearing a clever sign around my neck on the subway to work, “If you smoke, my lungs you broke.” It must have been my uncanny ability to rhyme that captured all the cellphone flashes and snide smiles. People were jostling to get closer, and one guy even started handing out cigarettes to the people in my close vicinity, I’m assuming in order to provide visual representation of my message. Day One Synopsis: Success! I feel healthier already.

DAY

Be physically active every day I’m writing this at the end of a long, physically active day. My joints are aching, my legs are weary, but I can feel my heart pumping with extra vigor, and I think I dropped around four inches off my waist today. Either that, or I’m wearing my maternity skirt. It’s so dark in the morning when I get dressed; it’s hard to tell. I compiled a list of all the strenuous activities I engaged in today so that you might be inspired and resolve to follow in my footsteps. 1. Schlepped all the laundry to the laundry room. Triple points for the boys’ laundry, as their basket apparently doubles as a dresser, and there are piles of clean folded laundry mixed in with sweaty socks, along with things that are, at this time, unidentifiable. 2. Put on my sheitel. Do not second guess this. It requires physical energy and motivation to remove my snood. Ditto my slippers. 3. Took out the food processor. That thing weighs like 15 pounds. I bench pressed it, laying on the boys’ laundry basket. 4. The rest of the day is a blur since at that point my coffee wore off. I have vague memories of lugging heavy strollers, boxes of groceries, and a child with some tantrum-induced flailing limbs. Day Two Synopsis: Success! I exercised everything from the joints in my fingers to my tongue, and even my eyebrows when I furrowed them at Zalmy.

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Eat a healthful diet, rich in whole grains, lean protein, vegetables, and fruits. Reduce or avoid unhealthy saturated fats and trans fats. Instead, use healthier monounsaturated & polyunsaturated fats.

A PROACTIVE DEFENSE. Infuse your body with vitamins, minerals, and powerful antioxidants to support your immune system.

The children suffered. But they will get used to it. And one day, they will thank me. In the meantime, I will learn how to do things with whole wheat flour, turkey breast, and mushrooms. And not just mix them together, garnish with parsley, and serve for supper. I know that there are recipes out there, whole cookbooks devoted to this. I resolve to go to the store and skip the candy aisle except for the gummy worms and chocolate, which I need to keep in my kitchen in a special secret reserve. You know, just in case a burglar comes, and I can tempt him off with them. Day Three Synopsis: Could be better. Ordered “Tofu and U” from Amazon.

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DAY

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DAY

Maintain a healthy weight and body shape Turns out there are many different types of body shapes. You can be an apple. You can be a pear. You can be a spaghetti squash. You can be a watermelon. I decided, that regardless of what my current shape is, today I’m aiming to be a strawberry. And that’s mainly because I have no idea what that actually entails, hence more freedom to assume. Intuitive living and all that.

DAY

Be sure to get enough vitamin D and calcium. This one was easy. Without doing any research, I know we get Vitamin D from sunlight and calcium from ice cream. Everyone knows that. I enjoyed an afternoon in the park with my kids, and a night by the washing machine, scrubbing chocolate ice cream stains out of stupid white leggings, which I still buy for some reason. Day Four Synopsis: Resounding success.

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I practiced ballet, pointing my toes at the spilled milk on the floor in an exceptional representation of a strawberry’s narrow bottom half. I lifted my hands outward towards the burnt-out bulbs in the ceiling fan, vividly reminiscent of the wider top half of a strawberry. Surprisingly, family members did not clean up the milk, nor did they change the light bulbs. They just stood around with mixed looks of horror and entertainment, and one daughter hurriedly shut her bedroom door and told her friend that, “Sorry, no, you can’t go use the bathroom because there’s a nebach person here, and I don’t want to embarrass her.” As for maintaining a healthy weight, looks like the mushroom-turkey mush roulade paid off. I lost that half a pound, amidst my nightly weight calculations. Day Five Synopsis: Success! I should do yoga. Or play charades. Or something else that involves body contortions besides walking through the kids’ room right now.

DAY

Build a strong social network

ROBUST NUTRITION & HEALTH.

This might be the biggest one yet. I mean, I speak to my neighbors occasionally. And my sisters. And the lady down the block who is a doll, and will take my kids to school when I’m running late. But my goal today was to branch out, solidify my friendship strata, and create strong, meaningful bonds that will withstand the test of time. By time, I mean a month or so. I went through my contacts and called up every person I haven’t spoken to in a long time. For the most part, that meant incredibly awkward conversation, and now I know all about the weather, and what it is predicted to be for the next couple of years or so. Some of those lucky contacts now know about some random neon pink letters that hold the secret to the perfect life. I came to the conclusion that there was probably a reason why I hadn’t spoken to these people in ages, and in the future, to rely on my husband for social connection. That arrangement works fine with him, by the way — so long as he is not expected to respond past the occasional “Mm hmm” interjected at key places, we can carry on a conversation for hours. Day Six Synopsis: Learning experience, which is good.

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WELLSPRING / NISSAN 5781

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DAY

Challenge your mind This one was easy. I helped my kid with her math homework. Took the better part of three hours. For me at least. Day Seven Synopsis: Challenge: Find out who invented x and y, and if they experienced some type of abuse in their childhood. Studies show that victims usually turn into oppressors.

DAY

Protect your sight, hearing, and general health by following preventive care guidelines. This is not applicable in my household. It might be in yours, which is why I transcribed it here, for posterity. But one can’t be expected to protect one’s sight in the face of lasers won at Avos U’Banim (ha, at least he won something this time). One can’t be expected to protect one’s hearing in a home where at least one sibling rivalry explosion breaks out per hour. And general health is obviously a very broad topic, as has been addressed in all the paragraphs up to and including this one. If I were to pursue preventative care, I assume I’d spend my life locked in my walk-in closet. Except that not only do they know that hiding spot already, it does get a bit stuffy in there. I need to come up with something better. Day Eight Synopsis: N/A

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DAY

Take care of your teeth. Floss, brush, and see a dentist regularly. Poor oral health may have many effects. It can lead to poor nutrition, pain, and possibly even a higher risk of heart disease and stroke. If lying to the dentist works, then why can’t I lie on paper? I brush three times a day, and I floss twice. All my children do as well. My boys are infatuated with brushing their teeth; they wake me up in the morning with bare toothbrushes and soulful eyes…waiting….waiting…. Okay. Today I actually did floss and brush. Which felt good. And something I would like to do in the future. So long as I remember before I fall into bed, and not afterwards. Day Nine Synopsis: Success! I brushed my teeth twice. They’re sparkling and look like the “after” picture in the dentist’s office. Been there, seen that.

DAY

Discuss with your doctor whether you need any medication to help you stay healthy. These might include medicines to control high blood pressure, treat osteoporosis, or lower cholesterol. Or whatever you want. Discussed this with Doctor Google. He recommended a whole slew of random vitamins, minerals, and stuff from the periodic table of elements. I then discussed it with my internal doctor. She recommended chocolate lentils. Being an open-minded person, I put them both to the test. The “Women’s Health Vitamin” was the size of my thumb and took multiple methods to swallow, until we concocted a noodle capsule with a splash of soda help it go down. On the other hand, the chocolate lentils were smooth, simple, and the effect was instant. If there is one thing I’ve learned over the past days, it’s that natural is the way to go. Hence, we went with chocolate, obviously. I keep it in a pill container labeled “Antimony Rhenium.” Day Ten Synopsis: Great! Fascinating discovery on human chemical balance.

Conclusion: I feel great. This has been a life-changing experience for me, and I hope it is for you as well. I am forever grateful to Miss Red Card, who has since gone back to her old career, inspired by my success with her strategy. I am grateful to Mr. Pea Protein, chocolate-flavored, which initiated this whole process. I am grateful to my friends and family who supported me through this whole progression, albeit from a distance. And I am grateful for my Antimony Rhenium, which makes the upkeep of this strenuous lifestyle possible.

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THE ROAD NOT TAKEN

Wellbeing

Health Personality By Yocheved Grossman

As Yidden, exploring unchartered territory is in our blood. We’ve experienced travels and travails for centuries, trekking from desert to shore, country to continent. While there’s no dearth of frum men and women who work in the medical and health and wellness field, each with their own passion and unique qualifications, some pioneer unexplored terrain, choosing the road not taken in helping their patients, or the recipients of their services, in a unique, groundbreaking way.

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Here, meet four individuals who’ve taken the initiative to explore the unexplored. What’s it like to be on this journey?

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LOCATION:

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Lakewood, New Jersey

OCCUPATION:

Psychotherapist Founder of CBT-i Sleep Center

SPECIALTY:

Insomnia, anxiety in children

PASSION:

Helping people help themselves

WISHES PEOPLE WOULD KNOW THAT:

Insomnia is treatable and that sleep drugs are not the only option.

There’s a reason Lakewood-based psychotherapist Rocheli Sternheim is passionate about helping children fall asleep at a decent bedtime: she knows what it means to toss and turn until the sun comes up. Today, at 27, Rocheli is the mother of two children, and her childhood insomnia is thankfully a distant memory, but that doesn’t stop her from helping those who are still struggling. “When I was a kid,” Rocheli shares, “I suffered from terrible insomnia. As I lay in bed staring at the ceiling, I was very worried about not being able to wake up the next morning for school. So except for Shabbos, especially in the winter, falling asleep was a torturous task for me.” Not surprisingly, Rocheli’s memories of school are of being exhausted. “I have memories of teachers calling on me, and not knowing the answers because I was so spaced out,” she admits. “My brain was very active, it never stopped spinning thoughts. I was also a big reader, so I would read a lot in bed and then think about what I read, which wasn’t instrumental in inducing sleep at all.” At home, young Rocheli at least got to lay wide awake in her own bed or on the living room couch. In a friend’s home, however, she didn’t have that luxury. “I remember being very uncomfortable at sleepovers with friends,” she recalls. “I couldn’t exactly lounge on their family couch, so I was stuck in my bed for hours while the others slept peacefully. I loved camp, but it was very hard for me to sleep there.” As hard as it was for Rocheli to fall asleep in her own fa-

miliar surroundings, doing so in other environments, such as in hotels during vacation seasons, only exacerbated her wakefulness. “I walked around like a zombie all year long during my seminary year,” she shares. Thankfully, Rocheli reports, her insomnia consistently got better as she got older. By the time she got married, she was sleeping okay, except for when she was on vacation. But her true breakthrough finally came when she went to social work school. “That’s when I really started sleeping well for the first time in my life,” shares Rocheli. What happened at school that so dramatically changed her sleep patterns and helped her get rid of her insomnia once and for all? “I learned a lot about mindfulness and cognitive-behavioral techniques. Once I started applying them to my life, it made all the difference.”

FEATURE

Follow-Up You met these health practitioners in our pages before. What are they currently up to in their practice? And what have they learned since that they’d like to share with Wellspring readers today? Compiled by Wellspring staff

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David Zulberg

THE ROAD NOT TAKEN

Here, meet four individuals who’ve taken the initiative to explore the unexplored. What’s it like to be on this journey?

When You First Met Me: Special Theme Section, Issue 39

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How I Was Introduced to You: Meet: David Zulberg, author of The Life-Transforming Diet and disseminator of the Rambam’s teachings on health. When David Zulberg sought to change his diet to one that would permanently accompany him through life, he turned to the Rambam’s teachings for direction. The breadth of knowledge he encountered kindled his passion to spread the wisdom further. Every year, a plethora of new—often contradictory—research emerges regarding health and wellness. Is there one truth that trumps all the others? As David Zulberg explores in The Life-Transforming Diet, in a territory that may leave us feeling confused, the time-tested principles of the Rambam are exceptional in their accuracy and wisdom. Here, he discusses some of the Rambam’s insightful directives in leading a healthy life.

What I’m Up To in My Work Today: My focus with my clients has shifted from breaking eating habits to focusing on the progression of thinking, feeling, behavior, and then the habit. The truth is that eating and fitness are just the manifestation of a habit. The thinking, feeling, behavior, and then habit progression applies to all habits. I have applied the principles to people suffering through divorce, challenging relationships, and other struggles. Essentially the common denominator in breaking all habits and dealing with any goal is me. The me has the same thinking, feeling, behavior, and then habit progression. So changing your eating and fitness habits becomes the same process as changing any habit or aiming to achieve any goal.

What I Know Today That I Didn’t Realize Then: It is not sufficient to understand the mechanism of habit. You must also understand the different systems of thinking that initiate and maintain habit if you are going to uproot habits at their source. 168

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Rocheli Sternheim, LCSW

When You First Met Me: Cup of Tea, Issue 23 How I Was Introduced to You: Location: Lakewood, New Jersey Occupation: Psychotherapist Specialty: Insomnia, anxiety in children Passion: Helping people help themselves She wishes people would know that: insomnia is treatable and that sleep drugs are not the only option. There’s a reason Lakewood-based psychotherapist Rocheli Sternheim is passionate about helping children fall asleep at a decent bedtime: she knows what it means to toss and turn until the sun comes up. Today, at 27, Rocheli is the mother of two children, and her childhood insomnia is thankfully a distant memory, but that doesn’t stop her from helping those who are still struggling.

What My Practice Is Up to Today: I’m still doing the same kind of work, but I’m seeing people at The Sensory Outlet (a private practice that has an OT and mental health department) as opposed to doing it on my own. Here’s a tip I’d like to remind readers about to help those who have difficulty falling asleep ease into a good sleep. A real favorite technique of mine is teaching people to elicit the “relaxation response” for 10–20 minutes a day. When it comes to insomnia, it’s important to recognize that sleep issues don’t start when you turn out the lights at night. Rather, experiencing stress throughout the day greatly impacts your ability to relax at night. Dr. Herbert Benson, professor, author, cardiologist, and founder of Harvard’s Mind/Body Medical Institute, coined the term “relaxation response.” The relaxation response refers to your ability to get your body to release chemicals and brain signals that make your muscles and organs slow down and increase blood flow to the brain. This technique is a great way to regulate your stress levels during the daytime so you can be more relaxed when you get into bed at night. The best way to learn the relaxation response is by listening to a recording until you know it by heart. There are many recordings available online that can be accessed for free. Do not practice the relaxation response within two hours of bedtime as it may put you into a light sleep, which could then, like a nap, prevent you from falling asleep at night. Also, do not practice this while driving; it can be very dangerous.

What I Know Today That I Didn’t Realize Then: That I do not like being my own boss.

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How This Has Influenced My Practice: I joined a practice with other mental health professionals, and I am so much happier working for someone else. I also feel that the quality of my work is better when I have more support from my colleagues.

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Hendy Baum

When You First Met Me: Cup of Tea, Issue 11 How I Was Introduced to You: Occupation: Reflexologist Location: Monsey, New York Passion: To help people enjoy a better quality of life. She wishes people would know that: reflexology is more than a simple massage. “I had always wanted to pursue a career in the arena of natural healing. For a while, one of my daughters had a hard time falling asleep. At an event I once hosted for friend who sells natural creams and lotions, I picked up a massage oil that was said to be especially effective for kids who can’t fall asleep. I started giving my daughter a back massage every night, and I was amazed at how much faster it took her to fall asleep—even though I hadn’t done any training. That’s when I realized the power of therapeutic touch, which brought me to research the field of massage. When I delved into it a bit more, I realized that reflexology was really what I had been interested in all along. While I took the intensive course, I practiced a lot on my kids. Upon its completion, I volunteered for a while, and then I launched my official career as a certified reflexologist.”

What My Practice Is Up to Today: Currently, my practice consists of reflexology, craniosacral therapy, EFT, and lymphatic drainage. I’ve been taking trainings in alternative healing over the years. From all the healing modalities, I work most with craniosacral therapy since the results are incredible. The clients feel deeply relaxed after the session. They experience a profound sense of resilience in the face of new stressors. I usually start my sessions with reflexology, which balances the meridians of the body and realigns everything. Once a client feels relaxed, I move on to craniosacral therapy. I practice lymphatic drainage for water retention and sometimes for weight loss. I incorporate EFT in sessions when needed. EFT is helpful for physical pain, trauma, anxiety, and to clear out blocked emotions.

What I Know Today That I Didn’t Realize Then: That all emotions and trauma get stored in the fascia of the body. If we don’t release them (such as through craniosacral therapy) they build up and present in various physical symptoms in the body.

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Jill Friedbauer, MS, PT, CWC, CINHC

When You First Met Me: Cover Feature, Issue 32 How I Was Introduced to You: Occupation: Physical therapist, integrative health coach, author of Heal Your Soul, Heal Your Gut Location: Teaneck, New Jersey Age: 39 Family: Mother of 3 As a child growing up in New Jersey, Jill Friedbauer had boundless energy—with lots of headaches. “I saw a lot of doctors,” she recalls of her youth, “and they mostly concluded that my headaches were the result of a genetic component.” Over time, Jill found that her headaches were triggered if she was out in the sun too much, if she didn’t drink enough, or if she played too much sports…

What My Practice Is Up to Today: Since I was last featured, I have furthered my coaching education with Catalyst Coaching and the Dr. Sears Wellness Institute. I sat for the National Exam and became one of the first of 3000+ coaches from the USA to take the exam, pass, and be board certified by the board of medical examiners. This is the board that is working hard to create a national standard for health and wellness coaches with the hope of future insurance approval. We currently have CPT codes as of 2020 and will be receiving NPI numbers soon. In addition, I rebranded my business and redid my website, which now includes two types of one-on-one coaching, family coaching, workshops, and a free online community with monthly challenges. In addition, I have a free e-book, and a purchasable Kickstart Your Health kit, which is a series of workbooks, information, and recipes. I rebranded my business because I wanted to provide options for anyone who needs coaching to find what works for them. If you are self-motivated and want to use my Kickstart Your Health kit to reach your goals, or if you prefer the group environment, family coaching, or one-on-one, I am now offering these diverse options. In addition, I am providing these services to clients through all life stages, family coaching, or prime time, which is the 40+ group and seniors. Lastly, since the pandemic hit, all of my coaching is now over Zoom. I worked with a business coach to learn how to maximize the Zoom features for coaching, pantry makeovers, online grocery website tours, and for workshops. Not only has online coaching become normalized, it has in many ways become much more effective. It has provided access for many of my clients who would otherwise not have chosen coaching due to travel limitations, babysitting, and more.

What I Know Today That I Didn’t Realize Then: It’s really critical to have good role models to learn and grow from. But while it’s important to have individuals you strive to emulate, it is just as critical to look within yourself. Ask yourself the question: What is my unique approach and unique method? Don’t be afraid to put that uniqueness out there to the world…even if it isn’t immediately accepted or embraced. The moment you are afraid to move forward is the moment you need to nudge yourself forward. However, always continue to stay grounded by surrounding yourself with true mentors, those who will celebrate your successes and who will also continue to challenge you to take that next step up the ladder. 174

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THERE IS MUCH MORE TO EAT ON PESACH.

‫חג‬ ‫כשר‬ ‫ושמח‬

Kosher for Passover and all year round WELLSPRING / NISSAN 5781

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Rabbi Shea Weinstock, EMT

When You First Met Me: Cup of Tea, Issue 47

How I Was Introduced to You: Occupation: Founder of HPA, Herbal Power Alternative — natural treatment for burns and wounds; health coach Since: 2000 Location: Office in Brooklyn, New York; trained practitioners in Monsey, Lakewood, Miami, and Canada. Passion: learning about alternative healing methods. What he wishes people would know: Don’t play doctor! When you have a burn, get medical treatment immediately. When it comes to burns, Rabbi Shea Weinstock has seen it all. “They come to me with burns from hot rollers and irons and candles,” he says. The very worst burns, by far? “Instant soup burns. Children have come to me with second-degree burns that occurred from instant soup. There are strong chemicals in there that burn very deep, very fast.”

What I Know Today That I Didn’t Realize Then: How crucial it is to be treated by someone trained professionally, or at least be guided by someone right away, as it’s very difficult to repair once damage was done.

How This Has Influenced My Practice: I’m constantly looking to train people who can be available in their communities to help others in their time of need.

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What My Practice Is Up to Today: As far as first aid treatment goes, we started using honey instead of potatoes on a fresh burn as part of the initial treatment, as it’s much easier, cleaner, and less messy to apply. It is also more readily available.

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Studies show that the natural compounds in honey fight bacteria, prevent infection, ease swelling, and most of all relieve pain. Yes, any honey will do. Another benefit of honey versus potatoes is that it can be applied in complicated parts of the body, such as in folds, between fingers, and on the face and ears. One more benefit is that once honey is applied and covered with saran wrap it remains set for hours, even overnight—with no changing necessary until one can get to a trained practitioner to apply a full HPA dressing of the Healing Oil Cream and Powder. These days, I am also available daily at the ODA medical center in Brooklyn to do wound dressings together with a medical doctor. This way, every wound/burn gets seen by a medical professional, which is crucial to ensure there is no infection, and if antibiotics are warranted, the patient will receive that too. Then we apply the natural dressing using the HPA method. We also incorporate the use of a highly effective shock and sound wave machine used on chronic wounds, skin, leg, venous ulcers, chronic venous insufficiency, stasis dermatitis, and very deep burns, to stimulate circulation and promote faster healing on a stem cell level. As far as dressing a burn or a wound, we highly suggest seeing one of our trained practitioners at least for the first time, to have it checked and get instructions on how to dress the wound properly, as no two wounds are alike. It’s very hard to fix something once it’s been messed with, especially when it comes to a burn where we very much hope to avoid scarring and keloids. Treating it correctly from the start makes a huge difference in the way it will heal cosmetically. At the same time, I can’t stress enough the importance of treating any burn or wound in conjunction with a medical doctor who can ensure that there is no infection, chas v’shalom. On a recent Friday night, the parents of a twoyear-old who had been badly burned were told to see a doctor first thing on Motzei Shabbos, and then come to me to complement the doctor’s treatment. However, they procrastinated and figured it could wait. By the time they got to the doctor on Monday afternoon, it was too late. The child’s white blood cell count was extremely high as the body was fighting infection, and they ended up having to go to a burn unit in the hospital, putting the child through all the consequences that follow conventional treatment.

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Fally Klein

When You First Met Me: Wellbeing Feature, Issue 53 How I Was Introduced to You: To breathwork facilitator Fally Klein, a Brooklyn-based mother of three, the connection is obvious—but, she admits, “For me, breath came together very slowly. I very much resisted it until it clicked for me. It had to grow on me organically, as it does for everyone.” Even as a child, Fally recalls being intrigued by breath. But then, when she was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s lymphoma in her mid-teens, her breathing awareness took on new meaning. “If you go through something that I did,” she says, “you have to get in touch with your body. From a purely physiological sense, you start noticing when you’re feeling good and when you’re not. Once you start noticing your body, you see the many ways through which it speaks to you. Aches and pains are one way, and breath is another—a very powerful one at that.”

What My Practice Is Up to Today: The article about breathwork was so well received baruch Hashem, and I got a tremendous amount of positive feedback from women all over the world wanting to know more. In the last few months, breathwork has gone from being a virtually unknown, unheard of practice, to something I would almost consider mainstream. It’s very exciting for me to observe that shift. What’s really nice for me as a facilitator is that this work never gets boring or stagnant. Breath is such an unlimited resource and there is so much that can be done with even the simplest of practices. People like to ask me “What is breathwork?” and want the nutshell version of an answer, but that would be akin to asking a nutritionist, “What is a diet?” and believing you’ve grasped decades of research and experience in that short response. I think the funniest thing that has happened for me since the Wellspring article was published a few months ago is that my kids have heard their friends talking about breathwork in school. They don’t know if that means their mother is cool or if the world has finally gone as crazy as the Kleins have!

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What I Know Today That I Didn’t Realize Then:

How This Has Influenced My Practice:

From doing breathwork with over 500 people this year alone, I’ve seen how even the tiniest shift in breathwork will have huge effects in the outcomes of the sessions.

I routinely incorporate changes in breath, the music, the guided meditations, and body positions in session to affect the participants’ process.

WELLSPRING / APRIL 2021

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Rena Reiser

When You First Met Me: Cup of Tea, Issue 21 How I Was Introduced to You: Occupation: Intuitive Eating Counselor Age: 33 Years in the Field: 3 Passion: Helping Jewish women live their truth She wishes people would know that: although intuitive eating doesn’t have the same hype as dieting, it’s an evidence-based lifestyle choice that really works.

Rena Reiser has always advocated healthy eating. Originally from Toronto, Rena and her husband moved to the northern Israeli city of Karmiel, where her husband runs a kollel. Although she’s been helping people manage their eating habits for approximately a decade, her epiphany happened four years ago. “When I started working with clients, they would say things to me like, ‘Just give me a food plan, tell me what to eat, and I’ll eat it.’ When I would tell them to listen to their body and they would know how much and when to eat, because the body knows best, they would look at me blankly.”

What I Know Today That I Didn’t Realize Then: There’s no one definitive path to healing.

How It Influences My Practice: It connects me to the clients for whom my work is powerful.

To request the full previously featured article from any of the practitioners featured here, please write to info@wellspringmagazine.com.

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What My Practice Is Up to Today: My work has evolved tremendously since I was last featured three and a half years ago. Back then, I was very focused on helping people with Intuitive Eating, getting them aligned with their bodies’ needs through the IE method. Though IE is a good start, I felt that there was a way for women to go even deeper, not just in their relationship with food, but in every relationship. For a while, I was using food as a side door to get to the bigger things. The root causes that were manifesting themselves in their eating. A lot of us define success by paths others have created for us. These paths are forged through wisdom and love—at home, in school, in marriage. In walking those paths, some of us lose ourselves, our vision, our voice. This tension between who we are and who we’re meant to be manifests itself in a myriad of challenges in our daily lives. The way we interact with our loved ones, the world, and ourselves. It creates lives driven by poor self-image, relationship challenges, and an overall sense that somehow you aren’t living up to you. My work now centers around allowing clients to get in touch with themselves and understand their needs in the here and now. This allows us to use the cues that our bodies, our quiet voices, are sending us and gain an understanding of what to do next. It helps us to experience the radical truth, that there is a powerful voice that is always guiding us to the next best step, and that voice comes from within us. It hears our frustrations, our fears, our doubts—and it responds in ways that allow us to find ourselves. We just have to learn to hear it and to trust it. When we do that, we create space in our lives for the abundant shefa that Hashem is waiting to pour into our lives.

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WHITE ORCHID

White Orchid: The History of Laser Hair Removal The laser hair removal we know today is razor-fast and highly effective. It took years to develop the treatment we know today, and at first, people in the science world were resistant to it, thinking it to be quite useless. They couldn’t fathom where and how laser technology would be used. Today, lasers are used everywhere: during medical treatments, in research laboratories, supermarket checkouts, telephone networks, science, and cosmetic procedures. But when the first laser was created in 1960, the engineer who invented it wasn’t exactly lauded as the pioneer he truly was. 182

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A New Discovery Engineer Theodore H. Mamain began tinkering with various technologies at his job at Hughes Laboratories. He discovered laser technology in 1960. The first laser prototype was slow and inefficient but served as the jumpstart for a new, emerging technology. Maiman recognized the magnitude of his achievement, but his colleagues saw it as useless. One of them even called it ‘a solution looking for a problem.’ A determined Theodore Maiman founded two compa-

nies dedicated to further developing lasers. Slowly, the science world began to realize the potential of laser for various uses, and laser research continued through the 60s and 70s. The Research Continues Engineers and physicists began to test the possible applications of laser radiation. They discovered the ability to drill holes through razor blades using ruby laser radiation, suggesting that it might be able to be used for other technological applications. The first successful medical experiments using laser light for such treatments were carried out very soon after the first laser light was generated. In 1963, surgeon Leon Goldman and his co-workers published a paper on the effects of laser radiation on the skin, detailing the destruction of skin pigmented structures, including hair follicles, using a ruby laser beam. Their laser technology was able to minimize hair growth but resulted in severe damage and burns to the skin. Laser hair removal research continued to burgeon and grow, but not much notable progress was made over the next few years. The YAG laser was the first one approved for laser hair removal in 1964. It reduced hair growth but not permanently. The 1970s saw the invention of the Alexandrite laser. This technology forced radiation through an Alexandrite crystal, reducing the growth of hair. Although safer than the ruby laser, it did not provide adequate heat to destroy the hair follicle. Therefore, if someone were to use this method, it would take years to achieve permanent results. Finally; Laser That Works Then came the 1990s, and real progress began. Dr. Richard Rox Andersen worked at Harvard Medical School and had just hired Dr. Melanie Grossman to join his team. Dr. Grossman suggested that they start researching laser hair removal, citing previous research that yielded ineffective results. Dr. Anderson was taken aback, not having considered laser as a viable area to research. Regardless, the pair began their research, examining the structure of hair follicles and how much pigment lay within each one. They began their first laser hair removal trials on hairy dogs and quickly graduated to experimenting on humans. Being a believer of “Do unto yourself before you do unto others,” Dr. Anderson agreed to be the first human test subject. He described the first laser trials as feeling “like being hit with a rubber band.” Drs. Anderson and Grossman perfect the duration and intensity of how the laser is applied, making it far safer and more effective. Their method shaped what laser hair

removal looks like today, with the intense light damaging the hair growth until it stops. The FDA approved this method of laser hair removal in 1997. Every since Drs. Grossman and Anderson’s breakthrough, there have been a few advances in laser hair removal, such as quicker sessions and the ability to help dark-skinned patients. Currently, there are five different types of laser hair removal technologies used worldwide: Alexandrite, Ruby, YAG, IPL, and Diode. Diode Laser: A Whole New World Diode laser is a new technology that’s light years ahead of the other methods in precision, results, and comfort level. Its energy source consists of semiconductors, known as diodes, grouped together to create a narrow laser beam that is ultra-focused on targeting pigment. Joanna, spa director at White Orchid Medi Spa, explains how it works. “The Diode laser beam attaches itself to the melanin in the hair,” she says. “When the pigment absorbs the energy, it inhibits the growth of new hair. “ Instead of scattering light on the surrounding skin and delivering energy to areas not needed, Diode laser targets hairs only, preventing the surrounding skin from burns. White Orchid’s machines come outfitted with a highly-effective cooling system that counteracts the intense heat and allows for a pleasant experience. “Many of our clients can see results in 6-8 sessions,” Joanna says, “while others see results in closer to 6 sessions.” A team of engineers worked extensively to develop the most effective form of Diode laser for White Orchid. Their research and scientific expertise resulted in laser that’s fast, effective, and minimally painful. Instead of excruciatingly painful treatments, their work ensures that laser hair removal can be, at most, slightly uncomfortable. A slight sensation of needling can be felt during Diode laser treatment. This is as the laser beam enters directly into the hair follicle and kills the root without affecting the surrounding skin. Women cringing from past agonizing hair removal treatments can rest assured knowing that there is laser treatment that works without burning pain. White Orchid’s Diode laser has proven that hair removal treatments don’t have to be highly painful to be effective. It’s 20 years since laser hair removal has been cleared by the FDA. In this short time, the technology has grown by leaps and bounds. What began as painful and slow has evolved to the razor-fast, effective treatment that we see today. However, the technology doesn’t stop here as engineers continue to seek laser methods that are even faster, more effective, and practically pain-free.

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SPECIAL THEME SECTION

My Other Birthday We are taught that the exodus from Mitzrayim marks the birth of our nation. The sefarim note that although this was not the actual date on which the first Yid was born, our nation’s continuity was made possible through the miracles that occurred at yetzias Mitzrayim. In this theme section, we bring you 6 moving accounts of individuals who received a second lease on life, who experienced a medical miracle they’ve been celebrating every year since. The exodus from their crisis provided them with a deepened appreciation for life and a greater awareness of the gift of health.

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SPECIAL THEME SECTION

Defying the Odds The doctors said Beth would never wake up again By Margie Pensak I can still recall hearing the shocking news, 26 years ago, about my cousin Beth Seidel. It was 7 Kislev when she collapsed while crossing the street in Flatbush, not far from her apartment. She had just babysat for her friend’s child and was on her way to the bus stop to pick up her five-year-old daughter, Devorah Leah, when it happened. Fortunately, a neighbor saw Beth lying in the street and quickly called Hatzolah—a call that saved her life. She was rushed to Methodist Hospital. Hitting her head hard on the cement, she had suffered an anoxic brain injury, and her heart had stopped beating, too. She immediately slipped into a coma, and since all her faculties had shut down, she spent nearly a month hooked up to a life-support system. 186

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As weeks went by, the doctors encouraged her family to go home, believing she would never wake up. If she did, they said, she would be in a vegetative state. Refusing to believe them, her family and friends held a vigil in her hospital room and Tehillim were recited at her bedside. It was on Chanukah that Beth defied these doctors by waking up—and not as a vegetable. “When I woke up, I knew who I was, but I had trouble recalling some important past events, such as my previous marriage, and the fact that my stepfather was not my biological father,” shares Beth. “When I asked why my grandmother was not visiting me, my family had to break the news—once more—about her death, which had happened years before. It was like reliving the shivah all over

again! In many ways, I felt like I was nine years old again, reliving my life, instead of the woman I was in my early thirties. I had to relearn just about everything.” After Beth emerged from the coma, she immediately started rehab. Eating, walking, talking, fine motor skills, and using the facilities were life skills she had to learn once more. From December 1994 to March of 1995, she went from the Methodist Hospital rehab program—where physical and occupational therapists got her arms and legs to move—to the Burke Rehabilitation Hospital in White Plains, New York, where, as Beth puts it, “the real torture started, baruch Hashem.” Throughout her hospital and rehab stays, her mother and stepfather took care of little Devorah Leah in Fair-

field, Connecticut, acting as her surrogate parents. Beth’s siblings were also a tremendous support. Her brother, Howard, would stay with her and patiently feed her, which was no easy task, especially since she had a hard time holding fleishig food down (until this day, she is a vegetarian). Her sister, Cindy, a”h, pushed Beth to go through rehab, although the pain was so unbearable, she did not want to get out of bed. And Beth’s single friends would sit with her and re-teach the Torah she once knew. Beth’s goal was to become a fully functioning mother again. And, until today, she has hakaras hatov to her rabbanim and their rebbetzins, who told her to feel free to call them any hour of the day. After her rehab stint at Burke, Beth took time off to live her life, not realizing that there was a lot left to learn. It was her parents who encouraged her to continue rehab at Mount Sinai Hospital in Manhattan. She “graduated” that program after a couple of years but decided to continue rehab at NYU Medical Center’s Rusk Institute of Rehabilitation Medicine. While in that program, things got progressively worse. Of course, flipping over in her electric wheelchair the first time she took public transportation after her coma didn’t help matters; it only intensified her physical and cognitive problems. She had previously been told by a neurologist that she had multiple sclerosis (MS), and he put her on an MS treatment regimen, which she stayed on for years. But nothing was helping; the inoculations and meds she was on were just making her sicker. “I spent most of my day in bed, in pain, not being able to move much,” recalls Beth. “I wasn’t able to see Devorah Leah off to school or prepare meals. I was tired of doctors and at this point, I just wanted to be left alone. As hashgachah would have it, thanks to BINA Stroke and Brain Injury Assistance—a nonprofit that had been recently founded by my friend—I was convinced to go for help.”

After undergoing a spinal tap, Beth was told there was good news and bad news. The good news was that she did not have MS; the bad news was she had hydrocephalus, a fluid buildup around her brain, which explained the 8–10 tubes of fluid extracted. Because of the hydrocephalus, she had neurosurgery in June of 2007. Since her neurosurgery, Beth’s physical and cognitive functions have vastly improved. She no longer

As weeks went by, the doctors encouraged her family to go home, believing she would never wake up. If she did, they said, she would be in a vegetative state.

has to rely on a wheelchair, walker, or canes to get around. She has a changed lifestyle, now that she has become oil-free, sugar-free, and achefree, and has shed the several pounds that accumulated during her sedentary life. Now, looking much as she did before the coma, her bed hardly sees her; she goes to sleep late, rises early, and sees her daughter off in the morning with a hearty breakfast. She starts her preparations for Shab-

bos, in great anticipation, as early as Monday; by Wednesday, most of her Shabbos foods are cooked. By January, her apartment is about completely cleaned for Pesach. One of the many challenges Beth had to live with for almost eight years after her brain injury was not being able to open her mouth more than 4–6 centimeters. It was a nes that she did not even have to brave the oromaxofacial surgery she faced. After getting Novocain, she was able to open her mouth 9–11 centimeters. In gratitude, she often lectures about shmiras halashon, and how it is such a zechus to have a functioning mouth. Beth commemorates her miraculous recovery each year with a seudas hodaah. The first year, her friends made a large communal seudah for her in a shul, at which Chani Juravel came from Monsey to speak. Since then, she and Devorah Leah have celebrated privately with an annual seudah. “I was given a zechus to relearn life,” Beth shares. “Hopefully, I am living it better than the first time!” And that she is. Each year since Beth’s Chanukah miracle, she has taken upon herself new commitments in her spiritual growth, such as davening with more kavanah, and accepting Shabbos at the earliest possible time, even during the winter when she lights as early as 3:30 p.m. “When you go through something like this, you look at life differently,” says Beth, who no longer needs any type of rehab on a regular basis. “You don’t forget; you don’t gloss over any word of davening. You say Asher Yatzar with more kavanah to be makir tov to Hashem for the wonder of being able to use the restroom—it is a nes. We don’t open our eyes to birds and trees, our noses to smells, our mouths to taste. We have these things 24-7 and we don’t truly appreciate them until we lose them. Even today, everything I experience is like I am experiencing it for the first time.”

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Hold My Hand That Pesach, we held our Seder in an RV, parked right outside the hospital By Faigy Weinberger My daughter is a teen now, all grown up. She knows exactly how she likes her ponytail and which decorative pillows are the perfect accent to her room. It has been years since I massaged the bumps on her skin while praying for the best recovery. It feels like a lifetime ago that I had to be persistent and creative about fitting as many leg stretches and exercises into a day as possible with the least amount of tantrums. I was so anxious about her regaining the full range of motion in her left leg. Today, she doesn’t like when I talk about it. She doesn’t like when I ask her questions about her skin or even remind her to cover up in the sun. Yet, one day a year during the second Pesach Seder, my husband takes a few moments to publicly thank Hashem for her miracle, our miracle. She stares shyly into her kos and she feels the burst of deep thankfulness that erupts like a melody reaching a 188

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crescendo. On the Thursday after Purim, I was puttering in the kitchen when I heard two-year-old Miriam come in from the nearby playroom. Suddenly, the large pot of chicken soup tipped over and spilled on her and me. I ignored the pain in my foot and grabbed Miriam’s shrieking body to the bathroom. I ran a cold bath while calling Hatzolah and my husband. Miriam did not stop yelling and screaming. Her relentless shrieks gripped at my heart, but I was helpless to her plight. When the Hatzolah members finally arrived and wrapped her in blue sterile sheets, I winced when I noticed that the rawness had spread all over her small body. One great chessed that was immediately evident was that she was still in a diaper, so baruch Hashem, that area was spared. My husband rode in the front

of the ambulance while I sat in the back with my hollering child, trying to hold her little hands, caress her face, and shush her cries. Only after Hatzolah gave her a second injection of morphine did her yelling turn to whimpering. During the long ride to the hospital with a most advanced burn unit, Miriam’s body started to look like it was shutting down. The Hatzolah guys sent urgent messages to the driver to hurry up. The burn unit was notified in advance and Miriam was wheeled right in. A complete team surrounded her, and I felt lost, alone, and confused. After a long while of anxious waiting, a doctor came over to explain that the first 24 hours are critical when a burn is so large and deep. He informed us that they would do everything possible to ensure our daughter would make it through the night, but prayers would be critical;

organs could shut down and the body needed recover from the trauma and rehydrate.

because I was able to start focusing on reteaching her how to walk again while holding a walking toy.

All night, an intern sat in the room with me. Neither of us slept. We only watched the rise and fall of my baby’s chest and measured the catheter to check that the output met the minimum amount.

Every day, we waited to hear what the plan for our release was. Pesach was getting closer and closer and the worst seemed behind us. Yet we were helpless and nothing we said seemed to influence the doctors. We were desperate to see the world again, to return to life outside of the hospital walls, and desperate to start the long road of recovery that the staff was preparing us for.

It was nerve-wracking to shake the tube, measure the milliliter every hour, and then sit tight and do the same thing 60 minutes later. My entire life had come to a standstill. All I wanted, all I wished for, all I could think of was Miriam, Miriam, Miriam. At 7:00 a.m., the intern told us that Miriam had met the goals for survival. Hopefully, she would make it. Only after morning rounds with the doctor did I mention that I was in pain and showed them the burn on my leg, which had developed a huge blister. They had to admit me and treat me, so at least I got a bed upstairs to sleep in for a few hours. After my short hospitalization, I spent the next few weeks in the hospital at baby Miriam’s bedside, only leaving three times for a few hours to shower and refresh. Every morning they would wheel her into a soundproof room that had a rectangular metal bathtub to perform the most painful procedure of burn recovery. The staff had to clean the dead skin off the burn area in order to keep it clean and avoid infections. They then applied creams and wrapped the bandages. Because the burn covered a large area, this procedure easily lasted more than an hour. All that time, I stood by the heavy metal door, pursing my lips as my heart hurt for my child. The muffled cries mingled with my heaving sobs. The helplessness of not being able to do anything to soothe my baby was searing. My aching arms just yearned to hold her and hug her tight. As time progressed and Miriam was able to leave the cocoon of her crib, we bought new toys that were sanitized each day and spent the time distracting her from pulling at her feeding tube or scratching her bandages. Toward the end, I felt more purposeful

But as Pesach came ever closer, we had to make peace with the reality: Miriam would be spending Yom Tov right there, in the hospital. How would we make Pesach at her bedside? Would we have a Seder without our other children? We couldn’t fathom how it would all come together, food and all. Then, an idea struck. My husband rented an RV mobile home, had it kashered and outfitted with everything possible that we would need over Yom Tov, and parked it in the hospital parking lot. I was able to leave my baby for a few hours on the first night and join my husband and kids for the Seder in the RV, which looked like a spaceship, with yards and yards of silver foil on every surface. It was a gut-wrenching Seder, but we tried to make it light and fun for the sake of the kids. Late in the afternoon the next day, the doctor suddenly told us that we were being released. I’m not sure what caused the sudden decision; perhaps the RV had made a sensation! Shocked yet grateful, we wrapped our daughter in a blanket and stepped out of the double doors of the hospital that had practically been our home for weeks. What a relief it was to cross the parking lot toward the RV, a recovered baby in my arms. By the time I stepped into our temporary home, it was time for the second Seder. There we were, in a mobile home in the hospital’s parking lot, with our precious baby and the rest of our children, recounting the miracles that had kept our nation alive thousands of years before. There we were, internalizing our very own miracle. Tears streamed

Because the burn covered a large area, this procedure easily lasted more than an hour. down my face as I took it all in. There, in the RV, we prayed for a smooth recovery, but we had not an inkling of what the harrowing journey would entail. First, there were frequent doctor visits to ensure the wound was healing and all closed. Then, Miriam had to wear a Jobst garment, a tightly fitted custom-made garment that forces the skin to be as compressed as possible for maximum elimination of scarring. Miriam also now had a full regiment of physical therapy to ensure complete range of motion in her leg. We bought the smallest-size bicycle and taught her to ride so she could get even more exercise. We spent generously on more garments, creams, silicone sheets, and consultations with specialists—anything to help our child recover. The haze of those times, the pressure to try each new method immediately because the more time that elapsed, the worse the scarring, combined with the struggle to balance my daughter’s social and emotional development while investing in her recovery, was tumultuous. With the saga thankfully behind us, each year we take the time during the second Seder to thank Hashem for all the miracles, to thank Him for the strength He gave us, and to ask Him to continue holding our hand moment by moment. Because all it takes is one split second.

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Coming to Life By Aliza Paskesz When my son, Meir, was 15 months old, his sister Rivky came down with a cold. Before long, he had it too. She went on to develop chest pain so I took her to the pediatrician to check for pneumonia. Meir didn't seem to need a doctor since it looked like just a simple cold, but since I was going for Rivky anyway, I figured I'd ask the doctor to take a look at him too. A chest x-ray and blood test later, Rivky was diagnosed with pneumonia. A peek at Meir confirmed what I had thought—that it was just a simple cold. However, that afternoon, Meir took a turn for the worse. He got really, really cranky and wanted to be rocked 190

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or held nonstop. He also developed a low-grade fever — around 100°F — and looked terrible. There wasn’t anything I could put my finger on as being really alarming, but he just looked awful. He could hardly hold his head up and was very weak. I wasn’t worried yet because he had just been to the doctor, but I was frustrated because he was being so difficult. The next morning, I had an appointment for blood work for myself. I figured I’d take Meir with me, and after my tests, I would think about going in to the pediatrician with him (just down the hallway at the clinic). The other pediatrician was in that day so I thought that perhaps she would offer

a different perspective. I walked into the nurse's room, and she said, “Aliza, he looks sick!” I agreed, but explained that the pediatrician had checked him the day before and said it was only a cold. She said, “Wait, I'm going to talk to the doctor right now.” The waiting room was full of patients, but two minutes later, the nurse returned with the pediatrician in tow. She must have scared him good and well if he came into her room to check my son. The doctor looked at Meir, and then said to me, “What do you think?” I answered with what I had been denying to myself until then, “I think

he’s not okay.” The doctor said, “I think you're right.” He sent us for a blood test and chest x-ray, but both results were normal. When we came back with the results, the doctor said that the cause must be a bad virus, and this presentation was probably the peak of it. He anticipated that my son would start to get better soon. If there was any deterioration, he cautioned, we should go straight to the ER. Meir didn’t get worse, but he continued to look terrible, and we were very worried. Still, we didn't take him in because he wasn't worse. The next day was the same, and we weren't sure what to do. After hemming and hawing all morning, once it hit the afternoon hours, we decided to take Meir back to the doctor and let him decide. I took my son back to the doctor’s office and met two of my friends in the waiting room. "What's wrong with him?” they exclaimed. He just did not look okay. I put Meir on the floor to see if he would play, but he just lay down on the floor. A father screamed, “He fainted!” but my friend assured him that Meir was just weak. We went in to the doctor who examined my son for about 30 seconds, and immediately sent us to the ER. As I walked out of the doctor’s office carrying my baby, my friend called to me, “Aliza, hold his head!" My 15-month-old’s head was sliding down my arm. At the ER, Meir was examined by a young resident. The guy looked at his ears, listened to his lungs, and reviewed his blood work and chest x-ray from the previous day. What he did not do was step back and take a look at the whole picture, to see how Meir was a rag doll of a child in my arms. The resident pronounced it a virus and wanted to discharge us. I begged him to take a look at the kid — I pointed out that he couldn’t sit by himself and couldn't hold his head

What he did not do was step back and take a look at the whole picture, to see how Meir was a rag doll of a child in my arms.

up. The resident laid him down, sat him up, poked and prodded, and said, “You're right. I'm summoning the senior doctor.” The doctor examined Meir and there was a lot of whispering between the two men. The only thing I overheard was the doctor saying, “You're right — he has the muscle tone of a threemonth old.” Then they turned to me with their assessment: Meir had a virus that would pass on its own. Unrelated to that, he was exhibiting a neurological problem and would need to see a neurologist when he got better. There was no convincing them that this neurological problem was nonexistent when he wasn’t sick. Then they discharged us. I called my husband, who was watching our other kids at home, and he said he was really afraid something would happen to Meir at home. He suggested I hang around the hospital

for a bit so we would be in the right place if and when “it” happened. I stayed around until Meir fell asleep, and then we went home. He slept the whole way home in the car and I put him in the crib when we got home. In short order, I got busy with other tasks that had been neglected while I was out. At 1:00 a.m. on that Thursday night, my husband told me he was retiring for the night and that I should please remember to check on Meir before I went to sleep. I had just changed another child’s diaper, but even before I went to wash my hands, some inner voice told me, “Don’t wait. Check on Meir right now.” I went straight to his room. I walked in and before even seeing him (it was dark), I could hear that he wasn't okay. It sounded like he was struggling very hard to breathe— and that he wasn’t succeeding at that. I ran to call my husband because I was afraid to look at him myself. We ran in together and lifted Meir out of the crib. Right away, his head flopped back — just as our other son’s had when we found him in cardiac arrest at the age of two months. (That son, Chaim, has a medical condition that necessitates oxygen dependence.) My husband and I did not have to say anything — we both made that connection. We carried Meir out of the room and saw that he was white like Chaim had been. His eyes were open but he wasn't focusing — he was just staring into space and not moving them. I yelled to my husband to call an ambulance and he yelled to me to give him oxygen. I ran with Meir into Chaim’s room and put the concentrator up to the highest — 5 L — and put the tube by Meir’s mouth and nose. Then I slipped the pulse ox sensor off Chaim’s finger and put it onto Meir’s. It read 31...30...29...28....27.... (normal saturation is above 95) and then it finally started picking up from the

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oxygen he was getting. His pulse was around 130, and that was what kept me from totally losing it. Meir’s eyes started to close and I kept slapping his cheek to keep him awake so that he would inhale the oxygen as much as possible. His sats were going up but very, very slowly and at 40, I realized this wasn't cutting it. We had a big tank that went up to 15 L so I called my husband to switch the tube to that tank while I held the baby. Baruch Hashem, it started to pick up more quickly then and by the time the ambulance came, it was up to 60. The EMTs already knew us from previous experiences with Chaim and didn't waste a lot of time with questions. In the ambulance, they started bagging Meir with their own oxygen. I asked them to take him to the hospital that had the best PICU in the area, but they said they had to check him first and then see. They hooked him up to their monitors and shook their heads and said, “It's too far. We won’t make it.” As the ambulance sped off, Meir’s sats were still around 60 despite being bagged with oxygen, so at some point, they pulled over to the side of the road, cut his shirt off, and intubated him. Then they called ahead to the ER to tell them to prepare for us. After he was intubated, Meir’s sats went up to 70 but wouldn't go higher because he was resisting the ventilation. They gave him a shot of Dormicum (for sedation), and after he was sedated, it picked up and reached 99 just as we arrived to the hospital. When we arrived at the ER, Meir was taken straight into the trauma room. He was hooked up to monitors, had an IV in, and was on the hospital vent. One of the doctors told me that they had done another chest x-ray and she did think she saw pneumonia. I asked her if it looked bad enough to have an effect like this, and she said that it did not. Then another doctor came over to tell me she did not see 192

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pneumonia but strongly suspected RSV (respiratory syncytial virus). She said she’d cultured him and we’d get results in the morning, and that RSV would be the best news we could get. It would explain what had happened and would give us hope that he would be’ezras Hashem get better. Straight from the trauma room, Meir was taken for a head CT since we had no idea how long he hadn’t received oxygen. It was 3:00 a.m. so the only person I could call at that hour was my mother, who lives in a different time zone. I called and asked

The resident laid him down, sat him up, poked and prodded, and said, “You're right. I'm summoning the senior doctor.” for everyone to daven, and I proceed to do the same. A few minutes later, Meir was brought to me. I looked at my child, so grateful that he was with us. Then, the doctor shared the news we’d been waiting for with bated breath—that there had been no brain damage. By some miracle, I must have

walked into his room right when the trouble had started because the brain cannot survive on an oxygen saturation of 30 for very long. Meir was taken to the PICU and left on the vent overnight. The next morning, his culture came back positive for RSV. That was a huge relief. They took him off the Dormicum and let him wake up. The first thing he did was pull out his NG (intubation) tube. They decided to extubate him before he went ahead and extubated himself. He had been on a lot of oxygen, but, baruch Hashem, he did great without the vent. He was starting to look much better too. Two days later, already out of the PICU and in the pediatric ward, Meir was pretty much back to his active little self and I let him run around a bit. I took him into the hallway where he found a chair and started to run, pushing it down the hall of the unit and out into the lobby. When we got down the hallway, a med student started to walk past us but then stopped in his tracks and asked me, “Was he in the ER on Thursday night?” I replied that he was, and the med student shook his head in disbelief and said, “I never would have believed it was him. I recognized you, but not your son. He...he....there was nothing then! I don’t believe this is the same child.” We were discharged the next day and Meir was back to being his rambunctious little adorable self. Overcome with gratitude at the neis that had happened, we asked a sh’eilah about saying Bircas Hagomel and we were told to give tzedakah to talmidei chachamim and to say Mizmor L’sodah. It’s been several years since, and we do something every year on that day. We have a seudah at home and little Meir, now a lively cheder boy, takes goodie bags to school to share the blessings with all.

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For Every Breath My father’s psak may have saved his children’s lives By Rivkah Margulies Friday night, the sixth of Shevat, 5752 (1992), was a blustery cold night in Yerushalayim. I was fifteen years old at the time, sitting with my mother and siblings in our cozy dining room, watching the Shabbos candles flicker while we waited for my father and brothers to return from shul. The kids were looking forward to a beautiful, calm Shabbos seudah, followed by an exciting birthday party for our 11-year-old brother, Shloimy. Due to the stormy weather, my father had decided to daven closer to home, instead of with our Rebbe further away. My cousin, who was in seminary from abroad for the year, was joining us for 194

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the meal and had just walked in. We were catching up on family news when my father came home. Then everything happened so fast. Just as my father was commenting on the odd odor in the house and walking over to open the window, my six-anda-half year old sister, who had been complaining earlier about the beginnings of a headache, slipped to the floor. My father yelled out for everyone to run out to the large open porch off the dining room, and he rushed to open as many windows as possible. He assumed it was gas poisoning and wanted all of us out of the house.

He then sent my brother Shloimy to summon the Hatzolah member living next door. Baruch Hashem, my sister seemed to be getting back to herself outside in the crisp air, but then my four-year-old brother started vomiting and my mother rushed to take care of him while my father kept an eye on my sister. The Hatzolah guy came with an oxygen tank and, after checking and seeing that my sister’s level was low, he hooked her on. Because my brother hadn’t fainted, the Hatzolah member wasn’t too alarmed about him, and decided to wait for my sister’s

levels to go up before passing the oxygen to him. We were all huddled together on the porch when I let out a bloodcurdling scream. “Libby! Libby!” Our 17-month-old baby sister was asleep in her crib! I ran into the house, rushed into to her room, grabbed her, and ran back out with her in my arms. At that point, Libby was already unconscious. Even I could tell that from the way her body felt in my hands — limp and listless like a rag doll. I ran with her to the Hatzolah guy and ordered him to put her on oxygen immediately. At this point, he had already called for backup. Another member ran up to our house with an additional oxygen tank. For twenty long minutes, the baby could not be revived. We stood around her as time stood still, every moment like an hour. Our baby, our precious baby! Were we losing her? And then, finally, a whimper. A soft whimper, and then a louder cry. She had come to, baruch Hashem. After half an hour on oxygen, my father, a posek, decided that he and my mother would walk over with all three children to the nearest hospital — a fifteen minute walk — instead of going by ambulance, as it wasn’t immediate pikuach nefesh anymore. (Of course, one should never make such decisions on their own.) Once they arrived at the hospital, all three children were put on oxygen, and tests were taken, which confirmed my father’s suspicions: it had indeed been carbon monoxide poisoning. Incredibly, when the doctors heard that our family had come by foot, they told them that walking with the children in the fresh, crisp air was the best medicine they could have been given. Meanwhile, at home, we weren’t alone. It wasn’t every Shabbos that

we had guests, but Hashem was makdim the refuah before the makkah and made sure someone was there with us. My older cousin was there to come with us to my neighbor’s house, help serve the meal, and cheer us all up — especially Shloimy, whose birthday party had been scratched in the midst of the pandemonium, and was left with a lonely, tense meal without our parents and three siblings. A couple of hours later, my father came home with the good news: the kids were doing well, and they’d be kept in the hospital overnight for observation. Hopefully, they’d be able to come home right after Shabbos. After the meal, with the other kids

We were all huddled together on the porch when I let out a bloodcurdling scream. “Libby! Libby!” Our 17-monthold baby sister was asleep in her crib!

sleeping at our neighbor, my father and I walked together to the hospital to see how everyone there was faring. After making sure they were all fine, my father went back home and I stayed in the hospital to help my mother with the little ones who were fighting the oxygen masks. By two in the morning everyone was finally asleep, only to awaken and start jumping on the hospital beds by six. The hospital staff saw them at their best, and after checking that the oxygen levels in their blood were back to normal, were only too happy to let us go home. We thought it was all behind us when my parents got a call on Sunday morning. It was the hospital, letting us know that the results of the tests that were sent to the poisoning center’s lab were in, and they showed that the level of carbon monoxide in the children’s blood was so high, there was no way that the amount of oxygen they got was sufficient. They were told to immediately return with the children to the hospital so they could receive a few more hours of oxygen. To this day, nobody can explain how my father knew it was carbon monoxide poisoning. And the medical staff was in awe at the siyatta diShmaya he had had in his psak — to walk to the hospital instead of going by ambulance. They kept saying that had the entire family come together in an ambulance, they would’ve arrived in a much worse state. Normally, with the amount of poison in the blood like they had, it can take weeks to recover, sometimes with irreversible damage. But following halachah to the letter had saved them all. And ever since, our family celebrates the sixth of Shevat as the birthday of four of its members — Shloimy’s, together with the three youngest. It was the night they were granted a new lease on life.

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Miri’s Miracle The doctors prepared them for the worst By Sorah Menucha Peltz It was a routine visit to the doctor, with a less-than-routine outcome. “I can hear a murmur,” the doctor told Shaina Gellis as he listened to three-year-old Miri’s heart. “You’re going to have to check this out at the hospital. I can refer you…” he trailed off, tapping at his keyboard. When he was done, he looked up and met Shaina’s worried eyes. “You should receive a letter from the Freeman Hospital within a week or so, to confirm your scan.” The results of the scan were soon in. It was clear that Miri had an Atrial Septal Defect (ASD), a tiny cavity be196

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tween the two chambers of her heart. The doctors asserted that it might close over the course of a year or two without intervention. If it didn’t, the little girl would require heart surgery. Two years elapsed. It was obvious that Miri hadn’t thrived the way she should, particularly in the area of physical growth. Her height was way behind that of her peers. A scan revealed what the Gellises already suspected: the hole had not closed. Miri would have to undergo surgery. They did their rigorous research, choosing the most highly recommended heart surgeon, and a date was set.

The momentous day was ushered in with tefillos and hope. Miri, who was now five years old, was soon being prepped for her operation, with her encouraging parents—barely concealing their nervousness—standing close by. Just as they were about to leave go of their precious daughter and watch her being wheeled in to the fateful procedure, an aide appeared. Apologetically, she informed the Gellises that she would not be taking Miri into the operating theater. An accident had occurred, and an urgent transplant had to be done immediately. There was no other slot for surgery that day. The Gellises would have to go home and reschedule. Defeated, the Gellises took their daughter back home. It was excruciating to think about the repercussions of the delay, but the belief that this was best for them and their child kept them going. Rosh Hashanah passed and Yom Kippur was approaching. Miri had still not undergone her surgery, and the Gellises kept waiting and praying for the elusive phone call

from the Freeman Hospital. When it finally arrived, the day offered was less than opportune, but the Gellises grabbed it with both hands: Miri would be operated upon two days before Yom Kippur.

foreheads. The monochrome images revealed a blood clot in Miri’s main artery. The clot acted like an ill-fitting cork in the neck of wine bottle, only allowing the barest trickle of blood to her legs.

Their tefillos intensified as Miri once again found herself moments away from the operating table. After a two-hour surgery, the hospital staff were pleased to inform the Gellises that the operation had been a success. The five-year-old opened her eyes on Erev Yom Tov and astonished her caregivers with a rapid recovery. The day after Yom Kippur, she was ready to go home.

A solemn meeting of five cardiologists was called. When the conference was over, a mere twenty minutes to Shabbos, Rabbi Gellis sat down to hear their proposed course of action, his heart pounding with suspense.

Joyous preparations for Succos soon consumed the Gellis household. The family’s happiness was greatly enhanced as they watched a healthy Miri become as involved as everyone else. But the carefree atmosphere was not to last. “Mommy, it hurts me!” the fiveyear-old suddenly cried out. Shaina hurried over to the little girl, her brow furrowed with concern. Miri’s lower back was wracked with uncontrollable stabs of pain. But that was not what worried her mother most. Miri was unable to move her legs. The Gellises immediately contacted the hospital. They were told to bring their daughter in for immediate examination. Miri sat in acute pain as the staff gently prodded and poked. Their verdict for her ashen parents was, “We’re sorry, but we can’t find any pulse in the lower half of her body.” In hope of locating the source of the problem, the hospital staff slid the little girl into a huge MRI scanner. Her small body, dwarfed by the bulky white monster, trembled with pain as the machine took a precise series of pictures of her small frame. After a short wait and a series of beeps, Miri was removed from the plastic behemoth and returned to her anxious parents. The results of the scan brought new lines of worry to her parents’

They had none.

were prepared to transcend their usual limitations to accumulate zechusim for their tormented daughter. Shortly after he had made the donation, Rabbi Gellis was astounded to hear Miri’s cries begin to decrease. She was soon emitting small, soft sobs which slowed into sporadic, gentle hiccups. To the amazement of her parents, the exhausted child subsided into a peaceful silence and then dropped off to sleep.

“The artery is five millimeters wide,” one white-clad specialist explained. “If we make even a small error, she will never be able to use the lower half of her body again.”

The little girl slept for nine hours straight. When she awoke the next morning, a doctor informed her delighted parents that the blood flow to her legs had intensified. The clot was beginning to disperse!

“Operating behind the stomach is rife with complications,” another added. “We have no previous experience performing this procedure on such a young child.”

To her parents’ infinite relief, Miri’s pain steadily reduced. On the first day of Succos, she clambered off her bed, stood momentarily on unsteady feet and then began to walk around.

“Unfortunately,” the first doctor concluded, “There is nothing further we can do for her. If you’re lucky, it may clear away by itself in a few weeks’ time.” Rabbi Gellis stared at them in shock. Miri was in constant, acute pain, her pitiful, hoarse cries having hardly abated from the start of their ordeal. This was despite an IV feeding the maximum quantity of painkillers into her bloodstream that her body could handle. The Gellises began to spread the word: urgent tefillos were required for their precious daughter. Their plea was heeded, and several shuls began to recite Tehillim on Miri’s behalf. Warfarin (blood thinners) proved to be ineffective. For the complete, heartbreaking Shabbos, Miri whimpered miserably as her parents looked on, a knife of terror twisting in their chests. Sleep eluded all three of them. In the midst of his helplessness and worry, Rabbi Gellis was struck with an idea. He decided to pledge a significant amount of money to the local tzedakah fund. He had never contributed so much before—it was really beyond his means. But he and wife

Under usual circumstances, it takes weeks for a blood clot to clear. In Miri’s case, her circulation was fully restored in the space of a couple of days. Her homecoming was celebrated on Hoshana Rabbah by her thankful, ecstatic family. * Miri is now nine years old, a healthy, robust child. Every year since her miraculous recovery, when Hoshana Rabbah rolls around, she becomes a girl with a mission. She has a menu to plan and fancy paperware to select. This past year, she even succeeded in proudly preparing an entire salad by herself. When the table is set and her family sits down to the festive seudas hoda’ah, they compliment her on the regal repast. Rabbi Gellis quotes the Chayei Adam, who similarly made a seudah to express gratitude for his miraculous escape from an explosion that ravaged his courtyard. Then, together, as a family, they offer praise to Hashem for Miri’s deliverance from a life of incapacity; for Miri’s ability to use her legs to serve Him.

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I Survived COVID-19 My two-month roller-coaster ride As told to Roizy Baum It started out like the ubiquitous sniffles. Before I knew it, though, I was feeling miserable. Breathing turned into a strenuous task, with every breath a struggle. My wife, concerned about my state, called Hatzolah. After checking my oxygen levels—which turned out to be dangerously low—they decided to transport me to Jersey Shore Medical Center, a short drive from Lakewood where we had only recently relocated. I later learned how fortunate I was to have landed in a hospital in New Jersey. At that point, hospitals in New York were already collapsing from overwhelm and my chances of survival there would have been a lot slimmer. When I left the house, I kissed the mezuzah, thinking I’d be back in time to say goodnight to my kids. I was 48 years old and otherwise in 198

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good health. I figured I’d have myself checked out, get some oxygen, and be fine. But that one day morphed into a two-month roller-coaster ride. Once I was admitted, the doctors attached me to one type of oxygen apparatus and then another, but my condition continued to deteriorate. Chest X-rays revealed that I had developed a bad case of pneumonia, too. It was a matter of days until I was listed as critical. Many askanim were involved from the start, and if not for their intervention, I shudder to think where I would be today. They were the ones who guided my clueless wife through the most complicated labyrinth she had ever walked in her life. Asking the right questions, taking the right steps to ensure the best care, and

making sure the doctors knew there was always someone checking up on me were just some of the lifesaving and crucial pieces of advice from askanim that my wife followed. When the staff saw how my family was calling all the time asking for reports and demanding that they speak to doctor (back when I was admitted, that was still a possibility), automatically influenced the level of care I received. Somehow, knowing that a loving and caring family was waiting for me back home encouraged the staff to connect more personally to my case. Globally, the COVID-19 situation was worsening every day. People were dying in hospitals alone and helpless. The situation was dire, and this was not lost on me despite my own weak state. I had a close cousin who was also hospitalized then in a

different hospital with similar symptoms to mine. We corresponded with one another, compared notes, and exchanged texts to give each other chizuk, but right before I was intubated, I was informed of his untimely passing. I scrolled back to a text I had received from him just a few hours before and found myself shuddering at the thought of where this ordeal would take me. The words “Who will live and who will die?” throbbed in

I entered Pesach hovering between life and death, without a single family member to offer support or hold my hand.

my ears. Inside, I was shattered, but I needed to show my devoted family members that the fight to live was on. Encountering such incomprehensible tragedy could easily have pulled me down. I had no choice but to cling to the only thing I could that would not disappoint: my sense of emunah. It was this what helped me pull through the devastating pain of the loss of my cousin. As a matter of fact, when rehashing this tragic day, my children

still exclaim their surprise. “Totty, you went on as if nothing happened! Where did you get the strength from?” Each day was worse than the day before, but the day before Pesach I reached my lowest point. I had no idea at the time that if not for a miraculous reprieve, it would have been my very last Pesach in this world. It was obvious that I’d be spending Pesach in the hospital, and my wife was advised by daas Torah to call the hospital twice a day as it was clearly a matter of pikuach nefesh. I entered Pesach hovering between life and death, without a single family member to offer support or hold my hand. The absence of my children’s rendition of Kadesh, Urchatz, and Mah Nishtanah was so disheartening, I almost choked from that alone. My wife and children—those married and those still home—were only a short distance away, but we were in completely different worlds. For me it was a battle between two worlds, but I knew all along that my family and a large part of Klal Yisrael were making waves with their kabbalos and storming the Heavens with their tefillos. I was blessed to receive great care throughout, but the situation did not improve—and then it took a turn for the worse. Right before I was put onto a ventilator, the medical team explained the intubation process to me. I was to be sedated, and I was well aware of the effects this could have. A few days after Yom Tov, my family and friends rejoiced at the sudden and miraculous turnaround: I opened my eyes. I had been zocheh to techiyas hameisim! Because I couldn’t speak, the first thing I asked for was my phone. With trembling fingers, I texted the following to all my contacts: This is Moshe ben Esther Mindel*, your relative, your friend, your neighbor, for whom you davened so fervently. I just want to announce Modeh Ani Lefanecha. I am so grateful to Hash-

em Who in His great kindness granted me a new lease of life. We don’t know Hashem’s cheshbonos. I don’t know why I was chosen to stay, but I believe that the zechus of not speaking during davening protected me. Thank you for having me in mind until now and I ask you to please continue. Indeed, for the past twenty-five years I had abstained from any speech during davening. And I won’t say it’s been easy. Whenever there’s a kiddush or a heated vaccine debate or a Trump argument, the lure to speak is great, but when I overcome the temptation, I experience an indescribable feeling of liberation. Exactly two weeks after Pesach, I was ready to leave the hospital. When I was wheeled through the hallway, I experienced a nightmarish scene I will never forget. With a shortage of ventilators, people were literally left dying in the corridors, gasping for breath. The hospital was understaffed and overwhelmed, and the doctors and nurses were exhausted from their extended shifts. I tried closing my eyes to block out the frightening images. As much as my family members tried protecting me, I eventually learned of the fate of many who sadly didn’t make it. And again, I wondered why I was fortunate to make it out alive. From the hospital, I went to rehab. Armed with determination, I proved the doctors’ dire predictions wrong many times over. I learned to breathe and walk on my own despite the odds stacked against me. I did age a decade or more in those few months, and I haven’t yet regained the physical strength I had before I fell ill, but I know well that Hashem keeps holding me up. Looking back, I see how He held my hand throughout. My birthday is coming up now and it’s something so huge for all of us. It’s as if I am turning 1 and 49 simultaneously.

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Journal of a Patient Would the “Microbiome Doctor” get to the bottom of my unexplained weight gain? By Michal Moskowitz 200

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I’ve always been a fairly busy person, juggling four different projects at once and loving every minute of it. However, sometime after my daughter was born, I lost the energy to do all that. I felt sluggish and lethargic. I didn’t put a lot of thought into it, though, attributing it to my new mother status. After my son was born two years later, I contracted mono due to low iron levels and my tendency to not get enough sleep. With treatment, I was able to bounce back. Last January, I suddenly experienced extreme pain in my upper right abdomen. It came and went, worse at times and bearable at others. I thought it was heartburn. Tu B’Shevat dinner was brisket, plenty

of fruits, and some more fatty foods. Right after we cleared the plates, I experienced a full-blown attack. Excruciating pain permeated my abdomen and my entire body. I couldn’t move from my seat on the couch. We commissioned my uncle, the owner of a pharmacy, to bring me the strongest painkillers he could find, but to my dismay, even that didn’t ease the pain. After an unbearable hour, the pain slowly subsided. I kept having minor pain attacks in the subsequent weeks. It came to a head three weeks later at my sister’s sheva berachos. The very next day, I met with a GI (gastroenterologist), who diagnosed me with gallstones and duly scheduled an endoscopy. The next day brought another major attack, proba-

bly because my gallbladder was badly infected from the many gallstones. To expedite matters, we contacted Refuah Helpline, and they connected me with a top surgeon at the hospital. Later that very day, I underwent surgery to remove my gallbladder. I began to recuperate and to enjoy life without abdominal pain as my constant companion, but I soon noticed that I was packing on the pounds like there was no tomorrow. I began being mindful my food intake, hoping to help the weight slide off. I was no stranger to dieting, having experimented with one diet after another as a teenager. I removed myself from dairy and wheat and implemented a natural diet that consisted of a smoothie for breakfast, fresh

vegetables for lunch, and a dinner of protein and sprouted bread. Although I felt better from the clean eating, I still kept gaining weight. Seven months after the surgery, I weighed 55 pounds more than before and felt bloated. But worst of all, I was chronically running low on energy. I found it hard to tear myself out of bed in the morning, and couldn’t wait to return to it all day long. I shared my woes with this sister and that friend, in the hopes of finding a solution to my mystery. After receiving several recommendations for Dr. Raphael Kellman, a practitioner known as the “Microbiome Doctor,” I decided to pay him a visit.

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Journal Entry 1: Visit #1 (December 31) I walk into Dr. Kellman’s Manhattan office feeling hopeful, yet nervous. The space is beautifully appointed, with natural and clean decor. Dr. Kellman welcomes me into his room and we start to go over my health history and my current state. He listens carefully, asks some questions, and eventually says he suspects a thyroid issue. He recommends I take the TRH test—a full range of bloodwork to test all vitamin levels. After the blood is drawn, Dr. Kellman injects a synthetic thyroid hormone and, 25 minutes later, he draws blood again. This, he explains, will help him gain greater clarity of my thyroid function. He then gives me a list of vitamins for weight loss and recommends the microbiome diet. We also schedule a talk with Lauren, the nutritionist, for the next day.

Journal Entry 2: Conversation with Nutritionist (January 1) In our phone conversation, Lauren and I discuss my visit with Dr. Kellman. She tells me there are two diets I could follow: the microbiome diet, which allows the gut to heal naturally by eliminating gluten, dairy, eggs, and processed foods, or the Mediterranean diet, which has less restrictions but works less efficiently. I choose to go with the microbiome diet because I want to see fast results; many patients who are on the diet for just three to four weeks feel cured and well on their way to recovery. Lauren sends me a meal plan with some tips and recipes for the microbiome diet, and I’m ready to 202

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begin. Although I’ve been on more diets than I can count over my teenage years and as a young adult, I believe that this one will be different. Now, it’s not just about weight loss. It’s about bringing this difficult, unnerving chapter to an end. It’s about starting to live again.

Journal Entry 3: Getting Started (January 3) Prep, prep, and more prep. That’s the key for success, right? I go to my local supermarket and buy out the entire produce section. I don’t just buy the usual vegetables and fruits; I decide that to succeed, I must expand my palate. I buy jicama, sprouts, dragon fruit, and loads of other nutritious bounty that should get my engine revving.

Journal Entry 4: When You Want Something, Hashem Makes It Happen (January 4) Today this adage came to life for me. An online search led me to two new local businesses that can help me along on my journey. The first one, Back in the Hay, sells organic and mobile-pastured chicken and eggs. The videos and pictures of the chicken grazing and the color of the egg yolk look unreal. I can’t wait to taste the real flavor of chicken and eggs. The second is Life’s a Balance. Leah cooks and bakes the most amazing natural and mostly organic food. I don’t think I’ll miss my wheat and white sugar once I taste this.

Journal Entry 5: Salad (January 10) I think I’m becoming a salad. All day I think about how I can spruce up my greens. On my way to the office, I convince myself to hold off on coffee because soon I will eat salad. When it comes to lunchtime, I try to convince my coworkers to order on Uber Eats from a place that has good salads. On my walk home, I think of which salad to prepare for dinner tonight. Once my kids are home, I try to convince them to eat salad. And then comes the actual preparing the dinner salad. By the time I actually sit down to eat it, I feel like a bag of wilted spinach.

Journal Entry 6: Visit #2 (January 14) Today is my first follow-up visit. I am so nervous I won’t have anything positive to report, as per my lovely history. This is a virtual visit because I’m unable to get to Dr. Kellman’s office. First, he confirms his suspicions: I do have a thyroid issue, but the main cause of my illness is a deficiency of vitamin B12, which, without treatment, can lead one to black out and lose all functionality, and can negatively impact the adrenal glands. I tell the doctor that while I don’t feel as bloated anymore, I still do have bouts of lightheadedness and that I chronically feel low on energy. The doctor prescribes a plethora of vitamins and vitamin B12 shots four times a week to boost my health levels. We discuss my microbiome diet progress and I tell him it’s going well, but that I constantly have cravings for carbs. He says I can begin eating oats and small amounts of sourdough products.

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I hold the syringe steady, insert it in my upper arm, and slowly push the vial downward. Journal Entry 7: Giving Myself Shots? (January 15) “I am not sick. I am not on a drug addict. I am getting my life and energy back today!” This is my mantra as I sit tight and hold the bright red syringe that is filled with icky liquid. I never in my life thought I would actually inject something into my body. I hold the syringe steady, insert it in my upper arm, and slowly push the vial downward. My arm feels sore, but I feel hopeful, and I am happy that I squeezed this into my hectic morning routine. I look forward to feeling energized today. Later in the day: It’s 5:00 p.m. and no energy dip yet. Whoo-hoo! Now I understand why the nurse told me to only take it in the morning hours—I wouldn’t be able to sleep if I injected it later in the afternoon. I sail through work, after-school tantrums, and dinner, and I’m ready to tackle bedtime soon.

Journal Entry 8: My Kids Get Their Mommy Back for the Mornings (January 18) I think I spooked my kids out today. In a good way. 204

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Today, for the first time ever, instead of just kissing them good morning and asking them if they want to come cuddle with me or go play, I actually came out of bed and had a grand time with them. I fed them a nutritious breakfast, and we actually played together. Because who wants to think about tomorrow when we’ve got now?

Journal Entry 9: It’s Working! (January 20) I feel revived and energized. I am able to pull all-nighters for work (not recommended, I know!). I eat well, sleep well, my skin is dewy, and my shoe size has gone down by half a size. I feel amazing. The only caveat is that my weight still loves me. It’s not dropping at all, but some of the bloating has decreased, which is nice because it’s giving me back some of my previous shape.

Journal Entry 10: Shabbos Is Shabbos Again (January 24) Do you ever feel like Shabbos is just a sleep fest? You nod off on the couch, you’re awake for a bit of the meal, then sleep a bagel, and repeat

it for your Shabbos afternoon nap. Yeah, me too, until this Shabbos. Previously, I’d try sleeping every possible minute. I’d put my kids to sleep early or invite friends for them and bribe them to go play. But not this week. This week was bliss. I didn’t even have the urge to nod off after I lit candles, and I slept so soundly at night! I woke up feeling energized and refreshed, not like someone interrupted my precious shuteye. I changed my mindset today. It’s not about weight loss anymore—it’s about living healthy.

Journal Entry 11: Visit #3 (January 28) I arrive for my third visit in a great state of mind. I feel energized, I’m losing weight steadily, and it seems like my health journey is finally going in the right direction. At the visit, Dr. Kellman advises me to stay on my current vitamin regimen. We also discuss a more aggressive weight-loss option by way of injecting phentermine or peptides to accelerate the weight loss. I opt out of these treatments, wanting to continue on the natural route that’s working for me. Dr. Kellman also suggests that since I’m already in his office, I should try the revolutionary energy-boosting NovoTHOR machine, a laser technology treatment that, among many benefits, increases energy, reduces

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I go to my local supermarket and buy out the entire produce section.

joint pain and stiffness, and promotes anti-aging and weight loss. The journey toward optimal health takes constant work. But as I leave the office, I feel relieved. My health is in a good place. I feel like a new person. I’m on the right track!

Journal Entry 12: Some Things Are Worth Losing (February 11) I am renewing my severed ties with my mirror. I am slowly getting my waist back, and the double chin is back to being single. It feels good to recognize myself again.

Journal Entry 13: A Better Way to Live You know what I just realized today? That most people go through life thinking they’re healthy and in optimal shape while chugging coffee after coffee and groaning through yawns. Life really doesn’t have to be that way. Our bodies are amazing, and we should always feel energized and revived. I hope more people start realizing that there is a better way to live. 206

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What Is Gut Healing and the Microbiome Diet? “Go with your gut” is an oft used phrase for telling people to follow their intuition. But can it mean something more than that?

manifests as increased weight gain, elevated heart rate, or mental decline. Others see it as kidney failure, gallstones, thyroid disease, and even cancer.

The gut and conventional medicine have been at odds with each other ever since the Industrial Revolution in the late 18th century, and the emergence of modern medicine. What people didn’t realize at the time was that modern treatments could serve as a cover up for symptoms. Why restrict your diet or take time to exercise or meditate, when you can be cured by taking one capsule for ten days? You’ve come down with the flu? Just take a pill. You’ll feel better after a few days but won’t notice your energy levels getting lower. By the time you do realize, you’ll take another pill for that, and then the weight gain starts. And thus begins a rapid cycle of not feeling well, taking pills, thinking you feel better, then not feeling well again. But true healing never arrives.

“I knew there must be a better way,” says Dr. Raphael Kellman. “Thus began decades of research, which led me to a breakthrough discovery: the microbiome diet. Heal yourself by healing your gut.”

Technological advances and mass production became the big thing at that time. Additives, preservatives, and food colorings were developed and quickly approved to decrease food production costs, increase shelf life, and make the food look enticing and taste fresh. Yet, most people don’t realize that these also wreak havoc in the body, causing disease and less-than-optimal health. What does the gut have to do with all of this? The gut is a wondrous and often overlooked body part. It’s the long tube (gastrointestinal tract) that starts at the mouth and finishes at the end of our digestive system. Food enters the body through the mouth and travels through the esophagus, stomach, and small and large intestine. In the GI tract, nutrients and water from foods are absorbed to help keep your body healthy. Whatever isn’t absorbed keeps moving through the GI tract until the body gets rid of it. A healthy gut keeps you healthy by absorbing all the right nutrients from the food and discarding all toxins and waste. An unhealthy gut can’t absorb food properly, which causes all vitamins and essential nutrients to be expelled with the waste, leaving the body with a toxin overload. And this is where the fun begins. All communication to the brain goes haywire. Think of it as the radio connection losing its signals and all channels getting mixed up. The brain starts telling the gut to halt the digestive system, and the cells start to weaken, allowing genetic predisposed diseases to act up. For some it

The microbiome diet is a diet that eliminates wheat, dairy, sugary, fried, and processed foods, focusing instead on fresh produce, lean protein, healthy fats, and probiotic and prebiotic-rich foods that promote gut bacteria. It heals the body from the inside out by cleaning out the toxins, promoting good bacteria. Instead of exerting energy to digest junk and chemicals, the energy is redirected to boost vitality, clarity, and strength. It doesn’t just cover up the symptoms of sickness. It actually heals them, thus stopping the cycle. You wake up with more energy, lose weight easily and permanently, and you heal naturally. One great benefit of the microbiome diet is that one need not remain on a strict regimen for life. Usually between three and four weeks, the body has recovered sufficiently for it to be considered “healed” or in “optimal health.” After that, most people follow it 90 percent, and a few weeks later, 70 percent, which is well balanced and suitable for most people. It’s a lifestyle, not a short-term diet. It should be the golden standard for living and healing, of following your intuition, because your gut truly knows best. The microbiome diet can help treat: Weight Loss Acne Thyroid Issues Women’s Health Fertility Autoimmune Diseases Lyme Disease Gastrointestinal Issues Neurological Issues Autism Cancer Fatigue and Fibromyalgia

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Ten Reasons Why You Can’t Lose Weight By Tamar Feldman, RDN, CDE If you’re overweight and can’t seem to get those stubborn pounds off, chances are you have at some point shrugged with despair and blamed it all on your lousy genes. While I would strongly agree that mom’s and dad’s (or even your grandparents’) genes play a large role in your own tendency to store or lose body fat, the good news is that what may be inhibiting your weight loss efforts are other factors that you actually do have control over. 208

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Do you eat too close to bedtime?

Late night eating may raise your insulin levels, which makes it harder for you to burn fat. Try to eat stop eating at least three hours before you go to sleep. Be careful about snacking after supper. You take in more calories than you realize when you nibble at night, and food choices at that time are often poor quality.

Stress can make you reach for poor-quality, high-calorie, high-fat foods. Your body also tends to store more fat when you’re stressed out due to the release of the hormone cortisol. I always advise my clients to try to get their cortisol levels down through meditation, yoga, or other cognitive therapeutic techniques if necessary.

Do you avoid resistance or weight training exercise?

Are you under too much stress?

People with lean, muscular bodies burn more calories than people with a higher percentage of body fat. With time, as we age, we naturally lose muscle, and our metabolism slows down accordingly. In order to keep your metabolism as active as it was in your younger years, you need to incorporate into your exercise regimen a minimum of 45 minutes to an hour per week of quality strength training. I usually recommend beginners use a supervised small class setting or a personal trainer in order to learn proper lifting techniques and thereby maximize effectiveness.

When you take a pass on that first meal of the day, it can work against you. You’re likely to get hungrier later, so you may overdo it at lunch. Try to eat within an hour or two of waking up. A high-fiber, protein-packed breakfast can help you feel full for a longer amount of time. Try cottage cheese with fruit, eggs with wholewheat toast, or Greek yogurt with a banana.

Do you skip breakfast?

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If you’re trying to lose weight, the amount of sleep you get may be just as important as your diet and exercise. Poor sleep has repeatedly been linked to a higher body mass index (BMI) and weight gain. Insufficient sleep messes with your metabolism, makes you more likely to choose poor-quality food choices, and is associated with a higher calorie intake.

Do you have a sluggish thyroid?

Do you have undiagnosed PCOS? 210

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Do you sleep enough?

A sluggish thyroid or an insufficiently managed case of hypothyroidism will screw any of your hard efforts at weight loss. Ensure that your thyroid blood work is a detailed one that checks for all forms of thyroid hormone, so you can rule out any subclinical hypothyroidism.

Undiagnosed SIBO (small intestine bacterial overgrowth) can manifest as gassiness, bloating, and abdominal distension, and can often be a cause of stubborn weight loss resistance. Curing SIBO is not a quick path to immediate weight loss, but may improve weight loss ability slowly over the long term.

Do you have SIBO?

Women with irregular cycles, acne, and facial hair may have an undiagnosed case of PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome,) which can improve with exercise, a low-carb diet, supplements, and avoiding toxic chemicals. If you suspect you may have PCOS, schedule an appointment with your gynecologist to discuss your concerns. A qualified dietitian can help you learn to manage this condition.

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AT THE DIETITIAN

Are you eating too little or skipping meals?

While most people who can’t lose weight tend to be eating too many calories, there are some individuals who can’t lose weight because they are eating too little. The body enters “starvation mode” and tends to hold onto any calorie it can, creating a frustrating situation for the starving dieter who still doesn’t see the scale going down. Long stretches between meals can have the same effect even if the total calorie intake at that end of the day is sufficient.

Water is an effective tool in suppressing your appetite. Often our bodies misconstrue dehydration for hunger, and staying hydrated can ensure that you don’t eat extra calories due to thirst. Water can even speed up the metabolism and help curb the cravings for sugar and fizzy beverages, typical issues in many people’s diets.

Do you drink enough water?

If the answer to one or more of the questions above is a yes, before resigning yourself to weight loss failure, try addressing the issue. You may be surprised at the effectiveness of changing even one of these factors. With persistence and lifestyle changes, you may be able to finally shed those stubborn pounds — for good!

Tamar Feldman, RDN, CDE is registered dietitian/nutritionist and certified diabetes educator who has advanced training in functional medicine. She maintains a busy nutrition practice in Lakewood, Edison, and via phone/Skype to numerous international clients. She specializes in sustainable weight loss and nutrition therapy for autoimmune disease, gastrointestinal disorders, and female hormone imbalances. She can be reached at 732-364-0064 or through her website, www.thegutdietitian.com.

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JOURNAL

Healthy-Ish How I Lead a Healthy Lifestyle, with Some Help from My Wife By Aryeh Leib 226

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Simply said, removing sugar from my diet was my first step toward healthier living, and I got to learn a thing or two about added sugars. Since I’m not a diabetic, my goal did not include decreasing natural-sugar intake, only added sugar. But until I embarked on this journey, I was naive. Not that I’d ever bothered checking a product label before, but even if I would have, it would never have occurred to me that so many of the fancy words mentioned in ingredient lists are actually various forms of sugar. So to save you from doing the research on your own, let me tell you about some of them. First there are those we’re more familiar with and are already aware that they’re sugar, such as brown sugar, raw sugar, and sucrose. While some believe that brown sugar is better than white, possibly because it appears more “whole,” in my research I have found that the nutritional differences between the two are insignificant. Then there’s fructose, glucose, dextrose, high-fructose corn syrup, lactose, and maltose (as you may have noticed, the suffix -ose is used in biochemistry to form the names of sugars). There’s also corn sweetener, corn syrup, malt syrup, and molasses. All of these are added sugars! Honey (which is about 30% sucrose, 30% glucose, and about 40% fructose) is also an added sweetener but it does have a lower GI value, which means that it doesn’t raise

blood sugar levels as quickly. So with sugar and all of its aliases out of the way, I was off to a sugar detox for a few days. As the word detox implies, this was a serious cleansing process and I actually felt that physically. On the first day, I felt no different than I usually do. I ate a nice amount of fruit (which I do limit more these days) in lieu of my usual snacks like chocolate and cake. I asked my wife, Simi, for a double portion of supper because I felt hungrier than usual. On the second day, toward late afternoon, I came down with a shooting migraine headache. At first, I didn’t attribute it to my detox, chalking it up to just life happening with all its stressors and stuff. I didn’t have Excedrin on me because I hadn’t had a migraine in a long time, and the pain kept getting stronger and stronger. I ended up leaving the office a bit earlier than usual and hurrying home to get my dose of relief. Simi was on the phone with her sister just then, telling her about what she thought was my amusing endeavor. I mean, who else’s husband decides to go off sugar cold turkey, except when their doctor threatens with the worst? Her sister was the one who said, “So Leib must be experiencing withdrawal symptoms now!” And that’s when it clicked for me.

To be continued...

Not Much Going On in the Kitchen The first time I ate healthfully during Pesach, I realized something amazing: my Pesach menu doesn’t look very different than my all-yearround menu. In the past, there was a lot of stocking up to do. Although I did try to limit my intake of processed foods on Pesach, I still consumed a lot of homemade, sugar-loaded junk. I helped in the kitchen by baking lots and lots of brownies. My wife also made crinkle cookies (another load of sugar there) and we had lots of sorbet to wash down the carb-loaded meals (which started with tons of matzah crunching and came to a wrap with an abundance of meat and mashed potatoes). But for the past three years, there isn’t much kitchen prep to do on my part. I eat regular meals with a kezayis of matzah at each. In between meals, I’ll have an apple or orange. It’s also fun to crack almonds and walnuts just as I did when I was a child. Even if we eat more foods than we did as kids, eating healthy has taught me to appreciate foods in their most natural state so there’s a certain pleasure in actually cracking open the shell yourself as opposed to popping a nut straight from the container.

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WELLBEING FEATURE

F OR T H E WOM E N W E

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8 4 4 .6 7 2 .4 4 3 0 Monsey ◆ Boro Park WhiteOrchidMediSpa.com

EXCLUSIVE SURVEY HOW HAS COVID-19 EING? IMPACTED YOUR WELLB

UNPLUGGED CHRONICLING MY 30DAY SOCIAL MEDIA DIET

HER LEGACY WHAT I LEARNED FROM MY MOST INFLUENTIAL TEACHER

BREAKING THE BARRIERS THIS IS THE BELIEF I FREED MYSELF FROM

Dear Readers, It’s been three years since we first launched the Wellbeing section in Wellspring, and it’s gratifying to take note of the contribution we’ve made to the emotional health arena in the frum community. In this section, we’ve been exploring topics related to the nefesh from a wholesome Torah perspective, particularly highlighting how Yiddishkeit nourishes the soul and our psyche. Not only our guidelines but even our calendar is saturated with reminders of the exalted, beloved place we have in Hashem’s heart, kavyachol. Even just the title of the Yom Tov we’re celebrating conveys this message. If we think about it, the detail of “pesach,” that Hashem passed over our homes, seems insubstantial in the face of the splendid miracles our nascent nation experienced in the sequence of events that led up to our redemption. No, the sefarim tell us. Among other explanations for the great significance of this deed, they note that Pesach reminds us that Hakadosh Baruch Hu “jumped for joy” at the sight of a Jewish home. Every time He encountered a blood-daubed doorpost, He rejoiced. Here lives a Yid, here live My precious children! Those Yidden were not even observing the mitzvos yet. They didn’t know about Shabbos, about kashrus. Still, they were the recipients of Hakadosh Baruch Hu’s unconditional love. And Hashem shines that love for every one of us. In my work with women, and in my own life, I see time and again how it is this belief—and feeling it in our bones—that helps extricate us from our deepest darkness. When we feel loved and secure in Hashem’s embrace, so much of our angst and anxiety falls away. The more we can internalize this reality, the calmer our existence. At a family kumzitz a while back, my then-five-year-old daughter listened intently as the men swayed back and forth singing “Ribbono Shel Olam, hub shoin rachmanus…” She turned to me and said, “But Mommy, He already has rachmanus on us!” When we keep reminding ourselves of this, even the most trying circumstances will affect us differently. For sure, we will still feel pain, but we will also feel hope and love and

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sunshine. What I have found across the board is that most—if not all—of the issues we face in the emotional realm are directly connected to emunah. This is our avodah in this world, after all. And, as all of us can attest, just because yesterday I was blessed to feel safe and secure in Hashem’s embrace, yesterday I felt connected to my tzelem Elokim and worthy and valuable as a human being, yesterday I knew and felt with such a conviction that everything that was happening in my life was perfectly suited to my purpose in this world, it doesn’t mean I’ll be feeling the same way today. Today is a new day, a new avodah. Every day that we manage to attain simchah and menuchas hanefesh is another gift, another gift of emunah. A yeshiva bachur once confided in Rav Shlomo Wolbe zt”l that he was lacking in bitachon atzmi, self-confidence. What could he do to feel better, he asked. Rav Shlomo turned to him and said, “My dear talmid, it is bitachon—not bitachon atzmi—that you should work on.” To those of us entrenched in the depths of psychology, this may seem too simple, too not “with the times.” But this is the truth. While pathological conditions do exist and many of us do encounter extenuating life circumstances throughout our lives, and part of emunah is to acknowledge that and do our hishtadlus to deal with it properly, as thinking Jews, no matter what we are contending with, we will always be simultaneously working on faith and acceptance, and asking ourselves, how much do I connect to my tzelem Elokim, how aware am I of the place I hold in the eyes of Hashem? Introspection is a necessary component in spiritual and emotional health. In the must-read mental health panel in this issue, all the panelists—Torah-true individuals who guide their fellow Yidden with wisdom and heart—touch upon it. At the same time, as Dr. David Lieberman wisely notes, it is important for us to do our hishtadlus in the

technical realm as well, such as through healthy eating and getting adequate sleep. Yes, we want to understand the internal workings that may be triggering the emotions we’re experiencing, but we also want to do our best to lead a lifestyle that’s conducive to positive emotions. This is certainly appropriate and relevant advice to be offered in a publication like Wellspring, where emphasis is placed on holistic health from every angle. This Pesach, we can allow the depth and beauty of the Yom Tov’s message to seep into our bones, into our psyche. “Look what Hakadosh Baruch Hu did for us back then, and look what He keeps doing for me every single day—because He loves me so much.” The more we invite this perspective into our hearts, the more we choose to see it, the healthier, happier, and more productive and fulfilled our lives will be. I believe this is the theme that comes across in the articles we bring you in this issue’s expanded Wellbeing. Whether it’s the COVID-19 Wellbeing survey, “Unshackled,” or “From Mother to Daughter,” we hope you come away with a more reinforced faith in your greatness and in the kindness that shines forth from Hashem—through others and in all areas of your life. May all of you be blessed with an abundance of emotional and spiritual health, and to draw the kochos of the Yom Tov that will leave you feeling cherished and secure in the hands of Hashem.

n a m d e i r F y f f i h S

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REVISITING

Revisiting conversations sparked by Wellbeing content Where Is the Middle Road? Issue #51: Too Much Weight

I write to you with great appreciation and respect for bringing a critical topic to the fore. Since you first published the in-depth survey and detailed feature on the topic of body image in the frum community, I’ve seen it covered in other frum publications, and it has become a topic of conversation among my clients and other women I speak with. Ashreichem for giving voice to what so many (if not all!) of us women can relate to in our day-to-day lives. As with every issue, especially relating to our wellbeing, there are extremes on both ends—and then there’s the middle way. I believe coming to the middle road, famously recommended by the Rambam, takes maturity, selfawareness, inner exploration, and time. In my work as a coach, I have found that it’s very common for a young woman to vacillate from one extreme to the next until she finally realizes that it’s not all-or-nothing. Even when the realization hits, it still takes work to get there, and we 232

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may find ourselves falling back into old habits countless times before we start feeling comfortable in that middle path. Specifically in regard to body image, it takes a long, long time for a woman who comes into adulthood with the belief that thin is beautiful to suddenly proclaim, “Okay, this is my size and I’m happy with it.” I may be wrong, but I believe that many of these platitudes aren’t coming from a real place. Perhaps I’m speaking from a personal perspective, as well, but this is what I’ve found in my own life. I was raised with this mentality—thin is beautiful—and it’s still very hard for me to accept that I don’t look what my mind tells me is “ideal.” It takes a lot of accepting, a lot of facing the pain of disappointment, of letting ourselves look the way we look while still feeling appreciation and respect toward ourselves. This is not a one-time decision of the mind that magically gives us a good feeling about ourselves. It really isn’t. I believe those who make it seem that way are doing a disservice to all of us women who are living the struggle every single day. But then there’s another point, too. There’s a lot of talk about accepting

ourselves at every size, health at every size, and all that. While of course it is a Torah value to value ourselves and others, irrespective of external appearance or even internal flaws, it is also a Torah value to have boundaries with our eating. It’s very easy for those lines to be blurred. Hashem wants us to enjoy His world and take pleasure in the bountiful foods that are available to us, but it is not a Torah value to eat mindlessly because it feels good. It is also not a Torah value to indulge in whatever we fancy just because. Okay, that doesn’t mean we won’t do it from time to time because we are human, and we do have taavos; but turning a weakness into a value is inherently wrong. So wrong on so many levels. Another thing that’s worthy of mentioning is that as people, we are organic beings. There are days when we feel better about ourselves, days when we feel worse. Days when we’re more drawn to food, days that we’re less. Especially in Yiddishkeit, it’s not about perfection. It’s not about “I’ve made it and I’ll never go back there.” Rather, it’s about celebrating every time we are kind to ourselves, every time we are misgaber. When we find ourselves turning to food for

emotional comfort, we may want to do something about it. Perhaps there are more constructive ways for us to deal with those feelings. That doesn’t mean we won’t ever enjoy a piece of cake again, but it will help us eat mindfully, enjoy our food, and feel good too. Wishing all of us bnos Yisrael the ability to find our middle road: a live a life of meaning and joy, Rochelle P.

Don’t Let Liberalism Become a Shittah Issue #51: Too Much Weight

Thank you for featuring the intuitive eating approach and introducing its concepts to your readers. As a health coach, I believe there are various merits to this perspective. For starters, too many diets are hyper-focused on weight loss above all else, with the underlying message being that only those who weigh a certain number are beautiful and/ or in control. Too often, the dieter comes down very hard on herself if she dares veer off the plan and feels like a failure if the numbers don’t budge. All of that is absent in intuitive eating, which is meritorious indeed. However, and especially when intuitive eating is misunderstood to mean “I can eat whatever I want because I want to be kind to myself,” it’s important that we don’t turn liberalism into a shittah. In the general world, we’ve seen how that has been taken too far. In our world, baruch Hashem, we still value boundaries and we still see the beauty in selfcontrol. In fact, the Torah expects that of us. Yes, be kind to yourself. But also, yes, train yourself to say “no” to foods that aren’t good for you. Exercise self-control and give yourself a pat on the back every time you hold yourself back from eating what isn’t good for you. We’re very

blessed to get this guidance in the Torah and may we merit upholding it. Feige Sanders

Relieved It’s Over Issue #51: Too Much Weight

The other day a friend was telling me about a diet she was on and how deprived she felt, but that it was all worth it for the weight she’d lose. I realized how sensitive I’d become, thanks to Wellspring. Do I still think being thin is a good thing? Certainly. You can’t uproot old ways of thinking and concepts you were raised on in an instant. But I’ve also learned that leading a healthy lifestyle is so much more than about the weight. I’ve learned that when we approach a positive endeavor from an unforgiving perspective, we can be causing ourselves more harm than good. Nowadays, I still try to eat healthy. But I also remind myself that being kind to myself and letting myself enjoy the foods I love from time to time is good for my health too. Thanks so much for bringing this balanced perspective to my attention. R. Tannenbaum Kew Garden Hills, New York

Finding Myself Issue #42: Time to Grow Up

I’m in my high 40s, with no formal background in emotional education, so when I saw your cover feature on the Inner Child, it didn’t talk to me. I bought the magazine anyway for other columns I love (like Ask the Nutritionist and Cup of Tea) and skipped over the pages of that long feature. A few days later, I was on the phone with my sister, 15 years my junior,

and she told me how she’d been thinking so much about so many things, propelled by that article. She got me intrigued. I ended up clipping the article (and the part II that followed) and have been referring back to it in my mind so often—once a day wouldn’t be an exaggeration. What a masterpiece on the nefesh! It’s a total crash course on all things related to the inner world. I’ve since come to love the Wellbeing features; they have opened my mind and heart to the depths of my— and my husband’s and children’s— emotional world. Often, when I find myself being led by a voice in my head (as Shiffy Friedman noted—not the schizophrenic kind!) I take a moment to ask myself, “Is this the voice of my Child, my Parent, or my Adult?” The answer to that question takes me far in determining how to proceed. (I studied the chart of the three voices so well I practically know it by heart.) Just the other day, I found myself being super on edge, snapping at my husband and kids. It bothered me and I took a few minutes to sort things out internally. I went into my room, sat down, and listened to the voices in my head. The most powerful voice I heard was that of the authoritarian Parent, harassing me for not being more on top of the Pesach prep, for being too laid-back, too lazy. The Child just wanted to chill, to take it easy, to forget that Pesach was coming at all. And all of this inner tension was driving me crazy. Because I wasn’t dealing with it, it affected those around me too. Once I took the time to sort out these voices and introduce the Adult into the picture, I was able to be more calm. (It was this mini-session with self, and the ensuing inner peace that it engendered that propelled me to write in a few words of thanks.) With much appreciation and tizki l’mitzvos, Name withheld

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EMOTIONAL EATING

By Shira Savit

Bread of

Emunah The outcome is not only dependent on your deeds

“How can I make it through Pesach without gaining weight?” “Should I have whole wheat matzah or spelt — or maybe gluten-free is healthier?” “How can I avoid overeating at the meals? Can I get away with not eating matzah on Chol Hamoed?” Many of us have questions about the best way to stay “on track” during Pesach. While putting in effort to reach or maintain our health goals is important, there is another significant component to staying healthy which cannot be overlooked: emunah. According to the Zohar, matzah is “the bread of emunah.” It symbolizes the steadfast faith that the Yidden had in Hashem: they believed with their entirety that He would free them from bondage. They trusted that even 234

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though logically, there was no time to finish preparing their food, Hashem would take care of them. They invested the effort (by starting to prepare bread for the way) and left the rest up to Hashem, trusting in His care.

selves is an emotional and spiritual process — cultivating and strengthening emunah. Chaya was solely focused on her efforts, and when she didn’t put in “enough” effort, she felt like a failure.

As Yidden, we believe in the fundamental principles of both hishtadlus and emunah. We know that effort and faith go hand and hand, and each of us strives to find a balance between the two. Whether our personal avodah is to focus more on hishtadlus or more on emunah, we look to grow in our relationship with Hashem by checking in and seeing which area needs attention.

My work with Chaya thus entailed helping her bring more emunah into her relationship with food. Chaya learned to tell herself: “I am putting in proactive measures, and also remembering that Hashem is in charge.” She began to work on accepting the fact that she struggles with food. Chaya had been so busy trying to get rid of her food issues and manage her weight that she considered them the enemy. Instead, she learned to reframe: “My food challenges are like other challenges that I face in my life. It’s not because something is wrong with me or because I need to try harder, it’s because Hashem wants me to grow, and He chose this aspect of my life to help me come closer to Him.” A nisayon is a test, and when we ask ourselves how we can achieve growth from this nisayon, healing can begin to happen.

In my work with women who have chronic food, weight, and body-image related struggles, I encourage them to strive towards a healthy balance between the two: putting in active effort (such as focusing on food, meal planning, and learning healthy coping mechanisms) as well as building and affirming emunah (acceptance, trust, and davening to Hashem for help).

Chaya had been so busy trying to get rid of her food issues and manage her weight that she considered them the enemy.

I often find that at the beginning of our work together, women typically have a heavy investment in the hishtadlus department. “I have been dieting for 10 years and I still can’t get it together.” “I ate healthy all week but the scale didn’t budge.” “I cut out sugar and white flour so why does that skirt still not fit me?” Oftentimes we see a direct correlation between food choices and weight, yet if our efforts are not properly balanced with emunah, too much energy expended in hishtadlus can leave us feeling drained and frustrated. As an example, Chaya had been struggling with overeating for many years. She was exhausted, emotionally and physically. Chaya was certain that she just needed to try harder. She needed to be more disciplined. She needed to tell herself “No, don’t eat that food!” and actually listen to that command. I began our work with basic nutritional guidelines to help Chaya balance her macronutrient level (she was having a minimal amount of protein in her breakfast and lunch, and was lacking essential fatty acids). I always address the food first, because what we put into our body matters and impacts our wellbeing. Education and planning is our hishtadlus. But the next fundamental step in helping our-

In our session a few days ago, Chaya told me that she ate much more than she’d wanted to at the Friday night seudah. “But there was something different about the way I felt afterwards,” she reflected. “I didn’t feel the usual anger, shame, and guilt that I always do when I mess up. This time, I was able to remind myself that I had a healthy lunch that day and that I’m trying my best.” Chaya then shared that she davened for assistance and “gave the rest over to Hashem.” What’s more, she began to experience Hashem as her best ally on her journey. “It is so calming for me to not have to figure out all my food stuff on my own.” Being proactive with food choices while also remembering that Hashem gave her her body and food struggles in the first place was what helped Chaya finally start to heal her relationship with food. What she had viewed as her greatest problem actually became her greatest gift: it taught her to strive for the hishtadlus/emunah balance in many areas of her life. Reaching that place, or even working toward it, allows us to enjoy Pesach — and every day — with a sense of calm, confident in our ability to balance 100% whole matzah with 100% whole emunah.

Shira Savit, MA, MHC, INHC, is a mental health counselor with multiple certifications in nutrition and health. She specializes in weight loss, emotional eating, and binge eating. Shira incorporates both nutritional and emotional components in helping her clients reach their goals. Shira has a private practice in Yerushalayim and works with women in any location via phone call or video session. She can be contacted at 516-978-7800, shira@cucumbersandchocolate.com, or via her website: cucumbersandchocolate.com.

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CHILD DEVELOPMENT

Non-Verbal Art As parents, we can speak without words. Here’s how it impacts our children. By Friedy Singer & Roizy Guttmann, OTR/L

The instinctive image we have of communication is speech. Effective communication, we assume, takes the form of healthy dialogue, conveying verbal feedback, and pleasant conversation. But experts in interpersonal relationships have estimated that nonverbal communication constitutes approximately 70 percent of conveying messages. The look in one’s eye, the feel of a touch, and even the sound of a breath relays information that can serve to connect or alienate, create or destroy something fragile, and foster a deep feeling of love or loathing. Nonverbal communication plays an especially significant role in attachment between a parent and child, which is critical from the child’s birth. When transmitted effectively, it can improve the child’s ability to relate, engage, and establish meaningful interactions later in life. How can we, as parents, provide the gift of nonverbal communication to our children from the very start?

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CHILD DEVELOPMENT

him to connect to his caregiver. At that time, oxytocin is released and social-emotional foundational skills begin.

From the First Moment Attachment is about the deep and enduring relationship between a parent and their child. From the very moment a baby enters the world, a parent can already begin forging this attachment. (While bonding during those first few days and months plays a crucial role in the child’s development, circumstances may arise that hinder this process. Attachment can be repaired and developed at any time with the understanding that it may be require more patience, time, and commitment when a child is older.) Babies are born with an innate and instinctive need to connect. They learn to interpret their emotions—to connect and self-soothe—through interactions with their parents and caretakers. When they are held and looked at, for example, they learn about what feels good to them. Children are not born with ideas, behaviors, or concepts. They’re vessels of response, vessels of environment, and they absorb the information around them. For the first nine months of life, as their systems develop, a baby’s brain is constantly “connecting the dots” as it figures out what constitutes an appropriate response. Like a switchboard with myriad connections happening all the time, the baby’s brain is hard at work.

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On the other hand, if while the baby is being fed, he sees an expressionless or sad face, the baby associates eating with feeling sad. When we are not engaging in the task, when we’re distracted, the emotional contact of the physical satisfaction of being fed is sorely lacking. If baby doesn’t feel safe while eating, they’re missing the connection between being fed and feeling safe. It’s not enough to feed a baby and believe that the baby will be satisfied with a good feeding. It’s only when the child is physically satisfied and sees a smile that he connects well with his social-emotional “brain mapping.” When a child is born, the right side of the brain develops at a faster rate than the left. The right brain, also referred to as the “feeling” side, is primarily focused on big-picture ideas and emotional components that include regulation, sensory processing, emotional intelligence, and memory. A child’s responses stem from this emotional response, rather than from logic or conclusions based on language. The effect of this developmental discrepancy creates memories based on feelings and sensations, rather than logic and facts.

Additionally, babies know what it means to be happy and safe. They recognize their mother’s voice and identify her scent. As tiny as they are, it is at this stage that they grasp how they feel when they hear and see Mommy.

One of the youngest survivors of Bergen Belsen, a relative of ours, was just two years old and orphaned from his mother when he was in the camps. Until his last day, four years ago, he spoke of his mother with nostalgia. His mother’s love, his mother’s warmth, his mother being fully present. While it’s impossible to retain memories from the age of two, this boy had implicit memory. He knew the love of his mother, the connection he had with his mother. The attachment that he felt at birth allowed him to have relationships. The attachment was there and that was what he held on to.

It has been proven that a baby’s brain fires the same way as its mother’s. When the mother is happy, the chemicals her brain is releasing are the chemicals being released in her baby’s brain as well. If there’s an underlying sense of edginess, Baby feels that too.

No matter what a child may later experience, if healthy attachment is present, he will be more resilient and connect to others more easily. But if the building blocks were not strong—a child did not learn how to connect to himself—he may experience difficulties later on.

When do babies start understanding what happiness is? When a mother feeds her child with a smile, that feels good to Baby. In his miniature mind he forms a connection, “Oh, I’m happy.” Once the baby eats and feels satiated, his physiological response of satisfaction is in place and allows

The groundwork for a child’s social-emotional development is laid way before the child enters a school setting. Children’s behavior stems from the nonverbal interactions happening between parents and their children from day one.

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For many parents it is extremely difficult to connect with their baby during a time of crisis and they thus experience strong feelings of inadequacy.

ship with her friends.

All Connected A baby who goes through the motions without a mother who is present misses out on the first couple of months of transitioning from survival mode to connecting to life with happiness, curiosity, and the potential for emotional bonding and growth. Imagine a woman sitting at a beautiful wedding meal with her closest friends, all of them chatting and having a good time, while she’s unable to connect or tune in because of the argument she had with her husband before leaving to the wedding. The argument is hindering her connection even though it is not relevant to her relation-

Why is that? Emotional connections create physiological responses. A person who was physically abused in the past may not remember the burning feeling of the slashing of the belt across their skin, but they remember seeing the person opening the clasp of the belt. Although the memory is not very vivid anymore, they remember the trigger of not feeling safe. While a parent provides the basic necessities to her child, like holding, bathing, and feeding him, it is vital to be fully present. A parent who wants to create healthy, emotional brain maps will want to be very conscious of how she relates to her child as a new mother. This may sound like too much. If that was all I needed to do all day, it would be no big deal to be fully attuned to my baby’s needs. But there’s a husband, other children, and, you know, life!

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And you’re right. It is unattainable. Being fully connected is not something that can be carried out All. The. Time. It’s important to know that you don’t need to always be one hundred percent connected. But do make it your mission that your child gets your complete attention and presence several times a day.

Sensory-Integrated Children Children with sensory-integration issues are physiologically not able to do certain things. They may also be in fight mode or shut-down mode. The additional presence of attachment issues may further complicate matters.

However, once the sensory-integration issue is properly addressed, there is always hope of regaining the attachment and the emotional connection, and for the child to learn how to connect to others. Whether a child is 5, 9, or 11, if the opportunity for connection was missed, it is always possible to build new pathways. Children with sensory-integration issues experience difficulty expressing what they are feeling or have difficulty with self-awareness. When a typically developing child sees someone crying, for example, a normal reaction would be to bring a tissue to wipe the tears away. This emanates from the ability they developed when they were responded to in this way. As another example, a child may kiss his sibling’s boo-boo because he developed this empathy from internalizing his surroundings. His compassion develops based on what he observes in others, especially his parents. You can teach someone how to say, “I’m sorry,” but the empathy that accompanies it develops from the basic

I’m With You Here’s how to ensure that good co-regulation is established: See how your baby engages through play. Engage, engage, engage. Follow his lead. We sometimes teach children what we want them to learn through directing them. Instead, if a baby is happy or playful, be happy and playful with him. Let the baby control the playtime. Give him his independence. Mirroring. When mirroring back to a child their sounds and facial expression, or reflecting their feelings (i.e., “You are so excited and happy!”) you convey to your child that they are heard and understood. Be very present. You don’t have to be there every moment, but in the moment that you’re there, be there all the way. Particularly when kids are exhibiting behavioral chal240

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lenges, accustom yourself to validating their feelings. Just be present. Acknowledge them. You can even say, “I’ll stay here until you feel ready to talk.” Remember that they’re watching your every move. Call out the behavior, not the child, and employ your discipline approach with presence and calm. As the mother, take good care of yourself. Especially as a new mother, take time for yourself to connect with who you are and invest in being self-content. Don’t hesitate to ask for help from whatever resources you have available to you, and be clear about what you need to ensure your well-being. It could be for household chores, enabling you to socialize with a friend, take a much-needed nap, or just enjoy some quiet time by yourself. Foster good self-care routines that include getting enough sleep, eating well, and some form of physical activity.

skills we instill from when the child is born. As parents, it is important for us to recognize the gift that is the brain—a network of myriad experiences that prepare us for our future. If a child’s mind is equipped with the proper tools, when they grow up and need to deal with their emotions, they will be prepared to figure it out. When a baby experiences a trauma, such as a medical procedure, premature birth or developmental delays, their brain development is affected. The trauma creates pathways that may be immature and interfere with the accurate interpretation of messages the developing central nervous system is trying to process. In handling the physiological stress response that is created to protect and help the baby survive the trauma or event, the baby is focused intensely on quieting and dealing with regulating themselves. They are usually unable to process effectively the words and thoughts that others are transmitting to them. They need caregivers to provide them with immediate and consistent action to help them adapt to their basic needs yet they may not be connecting themselves to the emotions you are conveying. What babies need most is the gentle, loving tone and warm feeling from their parents. Connect with a smile, look them in the eyes, and provide lots of touch. For many parents it is extremely difficult to connect with their baby during a time of crisis and they thus experience strong feelings of inadequacy. It’s essential for parents to acknowledge what they are going through and know that the skills of attachment can still be developed.

here’s what we’ve observed: attention is not about attention, it’s about connection. When children act out, what they’re really yearning for is connection. Don’t deny what a child needs in that specific moment. When a child acts poorly, instead of saying “get over it,” what the child really needs at that moment is co-regulation. To save themselves from a potential tantrum, babysitters will tell parents, “Just drop off the baby and don’t say goodbye.” Wanting to have an easier time with drop-offs, a babysitter may choose to skip the separation step. But let’s put ourselves in the baby’s position for a minute. Imagine you are invited to someone’s house for the first time. You feel like you’ve entered another planet. Nobody shows you around or tells you anything, and without warning the hostess suddenly leaves you to your own devices in this unknown territory. Babysitters, like parents, should allow the child to feel their emotions. The baby should feel “sad” that mom went away and also feel “safe” at the babysitter. Don’t deny the baby the feeling of experiencing the emotion. Instead, let the baby regulate his emotions. He should have emotional safety both ways. The mother is being co-regulated with the knowledge that she said goodbye to her child with power and calm, that the babysitter will allow the child to regulate his emotions, and that the child is capable of regulating the feelings. By knowing how to establish a secure relationship, mothers grant their baby the ultimate security. It’s still normal for the child to feel scared even after he is given a chance to regulate his emotions but being regulated will help him deal with his relationships later in life. Our brain is a map. If one path has many roadblocks, the brain will make another path. Children will keep creating new paths, but the older they are the harder it is to reinforce the new mappings.

Co-Regulation As emotional beings, what our children (and we adults!) vitally need is connection. When children act out, many parents tend to chalk it up to a need for attention. But

Additionally, children will find coping mechanisms they need and will survive with whatever coping mechanisms they have at their disposal. By encouraging them to self-regulate—to express what they’re feeling and give space for these feelings—we enable their brain to form paths toward healthy, effective mechanisms.

Note: If a parent experienced trauma and was thus unable to form proper attachment, or if a parent experiences emotional challenges and is therefore unable to connect to their child, with proper guidance the adult can learn to communicate properly later in life. Please reach out to receive proper emotional support. Friedy Singer and Roizy Guttmann are neurodevelopmental therapists and the directors of Hands on OT Rehab Services, Hands on Approaches, and the H.O.P.E. (Hands on Parent Empowerment) Foundation. They are focused on educating and empowering the community to help children with anxiety, processing and learning issues. They can be reached at info@handsonapproaches.com WELLSPRING / NISSAN 5781

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MENTAL HEALTH PANEL

Rav Eliyahu Dessler zt”l, whose teachings reflect a deep understanding of the nefesh of a Yid, would say that “more important than addressing the sickness is addressing the sick.” For this panel, we bring you input from individuals who, in following Rav Dessler’s teaching, see every person they work with not as a case study but as a human being, as a fellow Yid. They serve Klal Yisrael with heart, helping us become our best selves. We are honored to share their Torah-guided wisdom with you.

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Rabbi Ezra Friedman coaches bachurim and men in their quest toward leading a meaningful life with inner peace and contentment. Through a Torah and Chassidus perspective, he guides individuals to understand and connect to themselves and to their inner emotional world. He lives with his family in Yerushalayim.

David Lieberman, PhD, is a noted speaker and award-winning author with a renowned insight into the human condition. His 12 books, which have been translated into 26 languages and include two New York Times best sellers, have sold millions of copies worldwide. Blending the wisdom of Torah with cutting-edge research, Dr. Lieberman’s writings and lectures captivate both scholar and layman alike, and are enjoyed by people at all levels and from all backgrounds.

Rebbetzin Basie Rosenblatt, LCSW, is actively involved in her family life (her priority), while maintaining a private psychotherapy practice in Brooklyn and Lakewood. As the wife of a Rosh Yeshiva, she happily hosts her family and friends, as well as the bachurim from the yeshiva.

Chani Juravel, LCSW, is a popular lecturer and therapist living in Rockland County, New York. She sees individuals and couples in her private practice, both in person and remotely. Her newest book, Sefirah in Our Lives (Feldheim), has just been released.

MENTAL HEALTH PANEL

In your practice, what do you consider one common issue that people struggle with today?

Rabbi Ezra Friedman The most common issue is anxiety, but that’s a general term that includes so much. I’d like to focus on one specific facet, a direct result of anxiety that many are suffering from: People aren’t comfortable with who they are. They live in fear that their true self isn’t good enough, in public, and even with themselves. They feel self-conscious, unworthy, incompetent, that they’re not “measuring up to the standards,” like a fraud, or just not good about themselves. When we’re afraid to be who we want to be, to say what we want to say, to do what we want to do, and in general, we aren’t aware of who we really are, it’s difficult to experience happiness and live to our full potential. We aren’t connected to our uniqueness and we find ourselves easily influenced by societal pressures and the opinion of others without having an opinion of our own, or expressing it. The more distanced we are from our real self and our uniqueness, the harder it is for us to experience joy and inner peace.

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Dr. David Lieberman Anxiety. As the world becomes more complicated, people are becoming more anxious. The number one cause for that is technology. Electronic devices have given people access to every calamity in the world. The bad news is that watching tragedies like accidents, fire, and shootings get processed as if they’re happening real time. They then get logged in the brain as actual trauma that the person experienced. Of course, “experiencing” all this, however virtual it may be, is very taxing to the central nervous system. Besides, we are bombarded all day with texts, emails, WhatsApp and Telegram messages. There’s just so much we’re trying to absorb. People are suffering from absolute information overload. I think it would be good for people to take a step back and reorient their priorities. Another prong that lends itself to anxiety is improper nutrition. The Jewish community is good at dieting and takes good care of the kashrus end, but we tend to neglect the quality of the foods we eat. The impact of eating unhealthy and overprocessed foods is not only on our physical health (and we know it—cardiovascular disease, diabetes, obesity, and stroke), but also takes its toll on our emotional health. There are two reasons for that. For starters, it’s hard to feel good about oneself when physically one is not in shape. Second, when the body doesn’t get the nutrients it needs, our central nervous systems get injured, which hurts our emotional equilibrium. We put ourselves at an emotional disadvantage by consuming too much sugar, too much caffeine, and too much alcohol. Incidentally, there are a number of supplements that make a big difference for people suffering from anxiety. The third thing I’d say leads to anxiety is sleep deprivation. As a community, I can say we are definitely sleep deprived. The Rambam says a person should optimally sleep for eight hours a night. We simply don’t function well without sufficient sleep. Rav Avidgor Miller zt”l advised a person suffering from anxiety and depression to sleep for eight hours a night for two weeks before coming back to see him. We really need to take our sleep more seriously. There are more causes that can contribute to anxiety, but working on these three aspects for starters would, b’ezras Hashem, make a huge difference.

Basie Rosenblatt, LCSW Uncertainty. Not that we’re ever certain about anything, but the circumstances of the last year have shown us that even when we think we’re certain about something, we really aren’t. We’ve been shaken to the core on many levels: whether it’s the pandemic that affected every single person, to the political unrest and everything else that’s shifting in our lives, even that people are relocating in record numbers. I think uncertainty is a theme that permeates for many people. The only certainty we really have is our faith. Our faith in the Ribbono Shel Olam is steady and constant. How we exhibit and practice that is a choice we can make. That, for me, is the only steady thing in our lives right now, and what helps us properly deal with the uncertainty we’re experiencing.

Chani Juravel, LCSW So many struggle with anxiety nowadays. We’re anxious about health, income, society around us, spiritual messages, and personal challenges big and small. Anxiety feels like fear and overwhelms and floods us the way fear does, but whereas fear-based reactions prove helpful in crisis (such as getting us to think faster or act with more strength), anxiety isn’t rooted in reality so it has nowhere constructive to go. We just cycle with it and stew in it. Anxiety revolves around concerns of the past and the future, and we all have so much of that now. Learning the tools to get our minds back into the present, breathing with the recognition that nothing is usually wrong right now, and being where we are and fully experiencing it is life changing. It makes all the difference in allowing us to really live the part of life we are going through.

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What have you observed to be a marker for smoother healing? Whether it’s a trait or circumstance, what’s something that helps those who possess it find it easier to reach a better place? Rabbi Ezra Friedman Self-awareness is a key element in healing. The more aware we are about ourselves—our character traits, personality, what turns us on, what turns us off, what makes us happy or sad, what we like and dislike—the smoother our healing journey becomes. The more aware we are of the truth, the less it will manipulate us. The more we know what we’re feeling, the less it will suffocate us. Denying or not facing our truth, even if it may feel more comfortable in the moment, only exacerbates our issues. At the end of the day, the issues will be there as long as we don’t deal with them. Denying their existence won’t make them disappear. Rather, by facing them and thus being able to work with them, they won’t manipulate us. Being deeply aware that our essence is good and that really we only want to do good is critical in enabling us to face our fears, anxieties, and all parts in ourselves we’re uncomfortable with—that are not who we truly are. It is with this awareness that we are able to face them and realize that they were given to us as part of our work in this world. This will eventually lead us to move past them.

Dr. David Lieberman Perspective. Whenever a person experiences anything difficult, he goes through what is referred to as the contamination sequence. Everything gets ruined from one thing. What’s perspective? Perspective gives us context; it helps us see where things fit in. It helps us figure out what matters and what doesn’t matter. With a broader perspective that extends past the here and now, it’s easier for a person to attach a healthier and more emotionally balanced meaning to what he experiences. A simple example that illustrates the concept of context would be a man who gets a flat tire. We all know what a flat tire means, but what will make the difference in how the problem is perceived is the context. Was this young man on the way to the hospital to visit his sick mother? Was he on the way to a wedding? The broader our view, the better we can deal with life’s challenges. 246

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Basie Rosenblatt, LCSW People who have an easier time are those who are not isolated, those with strong faith, and those who are naturally wired and gifted with a positive outlook. Being deeply aware that at every moment we can connect to a Higher Power—to Hakadosh Baruch Hu— and that nothing happens by itself plays a significant role in healing.

Chani Juravel, LCSW I don’t know if there’s a specific trait or set of circumstances that best predict success in healing. It definitely helps if we believe that each person’s life is the one meant for him or her, and that everyone can be or become capable of living life successfully with the tools and circumstances they either have or acquire. When it comes to therapy, I think what ensures success most is the desire to do the work. If a client is pressured to come against their will, results will be limited at best. It’s important for a client to have goals to get to a better place and feel safe, proud, and brave about doing the work to get there. I’m in awe of my clients. They’re willing to trust, be open, dig deep, face painful thoughts, and try out new techniques that really stretch them—all because they know that they deserve to live life more fully. It’s that desire that drives their success. Sharing in their process is such an inspiration and privilege.

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How would you differentiate between an issue one can deal with on their own and one where intervention is necessary? Where is the divide between a need for moral support versus professional intervention? Rabbi Ezra Friedman It’s not the issue that requires help; it’s the person who requires help. There are individuals grappling with issues of great magnitude who manage them beautifully and emerge stronger and more resilient than ever. Others feel helpless in dealing with everyday hurdles. The key indicator is: How do I feel about this issue? Whether it’s with marriage, chinuch, parnassah, in social settings, or I just can’t pull myself out of bed in the morning, if I feel I can’t handle this on my own, I may have reached a point where I need someone else to guide me. So, dealing with a challenge per se does not mean I need help. If it hinders my functioning in any way, no matter how small it may seem, how little sense it makes for this circumstance to unravel my life like that, and no matter the perception from those around me about seeking emotional support, then yes, I will benefit from getting help. It’s very natural and healthy to rely on the help of others in this area. “Ein chavush matir es atzmo mibeis ha’asurim.” If I feel stuck, I would want someone to help me out. This source of help we’re referring to here does not necessarily need to be a professional in the conventional sense of the word. Often, what we really need is to share our situation with an individual who isn’t getting caught up in the emotions we’re experiencing. This can be a good friend or someone with a listening ear. They don’t have to be more intelligent than us because, in most cases, we aren’t stuck because we weren’t able to intellectually figure out a way out. Rather, we’re stuck in our emotions in regard to the situation. Confiding in someone who isn’t emotionally involved yet has the capacity to empathize with us will help us sort out our emotions on the subject. As Shlomo Hamelech advises, “Daagah b’lev ish yasichena l’acheirim.” 248

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On the subject of professional help, the question is: What does “professional” mean? I believe many of us are mistaken in this realm. In general, “professional” constitutes someone who is adept at what he does. He learned the skill properly, understands it well, and mastered it to the extent that he obtained a degree in the field, given to him by those who are more experienced in that arena. For example, a doctor who wants to become a surgeon must have studied medicine long enough, know the procedures, have graduated from a residency program, and the more experienced he is in the field the more advanced his expertise becomes. This is very different to the realm of the nefesh, to dealing with emotional issues. In this area, I would say that “professional” has an entirely different connotation. It’s true that one should learn and know how the nefesh works, intellectually, but what will ultimately help the individual, with the help of Hashem, is the burning desire that the person has to help, the extent that he empathizes with a listening ear and a heart. This will make the ultimate difference in the process. While an intellectual understanding of the nefesh is certainly helpful and, in most cases, necessary, what we want to look for most importantly is someone who is not necessarily offering his intellectual credentials but someone with an open heart who has a deep desire to bring you out of your entangled circumstances and get you to the right place. It is that desire and the helping relationship that makes it possible for true internal change to happen, b’ezras Hashem. This combination of qualities, whether we find it in someone who has academic credentials or without, is what constitutes “professional” help in the sense that it will really help the struggling individual.

Basie Rosenblatt, LCSW When people are faced with a challenge and they need help dealing with it, it’s important to reach out. People who isolate really don’t do well. If what’s going on has a clinical component it’s important to find a licensed therapist, with the right hashkafos. They shouldn’t just be rattling off from a textbook. They should be able to help you see the world from a Torah perspective while offering their clinical guidance.

Dr. David Lieberman That’s a great question and an important one. We look at the issue and the degree to which it impacts the quality of life and quality of relationships. We all go through issues all the time and we can spend a lifetime in therapy dealing with our issues if we’d like. But the truth of the matter is that a person can suffer from mild OCD, anxiety, and even panic attacks but can live on just fine. I don’t think people require professional help unless they are suffering or their relationships are suffering as a result of whatever emotional disturbance they are experiencing. The second component is to look at how long the issue has been going on for. Let’s say a person has been feeling very down. There can be many reasons why a person may be feeling down. It doesn’t automatically mean he is depressed and needs therapy or medication. If a person is experiencing difficult circumstances and is thus in a depressive state, we’d call that situational depression. Unless his quality of life or relationships are impacted for a while, although the situation may be far from perfect, there’s no need for him to get professional help. Life is challenging. People will experience tough stuff that they simply have to move through. It may even impact their quality of life and relationships for a period of time. At some point, if a person is not able to manage their emotions on their own, they may want to seek guidance. It can be very empowering for a person dealing with negative emotions to go through their own process of healing, if the situation allows for it.

Often, the uncertainty people experience in the present is not only based on current events but also brings up past events and creates trauma for them that they find too overwhelming. In trauma treatment we say that “the past is present.” Someone told me that when they were growing up, everything was about before the war and after the war. Now, it will be about before corona and after corona. The uncertainty alone can be traumatic, and when it’s coupled with so many other factors, people may find it hard to deal with the circumstances on their own. When we find that the issues we’re dealing with, or that come up for us from the past, are interfering with our functioning, that may be an indicator that we need help.

Chani Juravel, LCSW There are a lot of great self-help books and groups available, and many are blessed to have rabbanim, parents, mentors, and friends who help them grow and get through harder times. That could be enough. Sometimes, though, even after repeatedly getting good advice, a theme keeps coming up in various forms and getting in the way (such as abandonment, rejection, or a fear of some sort) that proves very painful and never quite quiets down. Sometimes a trauma, loss, or a family issue is bigger than the average helper can handle. Or it may be too personal or feel too shameful or loaded to share with someone they know and who knows others involved. Sometimes a person’s perceptions get in the way of advice and truths typically offered, and they can’t get beyond them. And sometimes a person just needs more structured, focused time than the average helper can provide. With a therapist, a client is offered a safe space, confidentiality, the skill to address more complex personality issues, and insight to draw possible connections between the effect of a client’s past history and the difficulty of dealing with the present. If it’s a good fit, the relationship built between therapist and client can model and set the stage for more beautiful relationships with others.

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Rabbi Ezra Friedman

When a couple comes for help— or for any couple who seeks to improve or deepen their relationship— what do you see as a component for success in their marriage?

How do we succeed in any relationship? Before figuring out what improves a marriage, it’s important to acknowledge the greatest impediment in strengthening it: lack of honesty. Lack of honesty does not refer to overt lying. It’s obvious that when I lie to someone, I’m putting up a barrier between us. Here, we’re referring to not being open about our emotions. If I don’t share my feelings about myself and our relationship when it’s necessary, a distance builds up between us. If there’s something I’m hiding, there can’t be oneness. There’s my spouse, and then there’s me and the stuff I’m hiding. When it comes to positive emotions, this is more easily understood: Freely share with your spouse the respect and positive feelings you feel toward them. But what about negative emotions? What about when we feel hurt, misunderstood, not appreciated, and so on? Being rude or insensitive is never an option. That’s just as harmful as not sharing. Rather, the goal is to become more honest with ourselves vis-à-vis our spouse. For example, suppose someone feels aggravated or hurt when their spouse does or says something. By expressing this in a way that they blame the other (“How can you do such a thing?!”), which puts the focus on them and induces guilt, they’re essentially reciprocating harm with harm. Simply put, that’s revenge. This obviously does not strengthen relationship. On the contrary, this individual may want to look into their own self and see how they feel about this. Then, in a moment when their spouse is ready to listen (by asking them first!), they can express it in a way that is focused on themselves and how they feel: “I feel aggravated/hurt about what happened.” Let it be about “I am hurt,” rather than “You hurt me.” This will enable the spouse to feel regret, as opposed to guilt, giving them a place for reconciling and strengthening the relationship. It sends a message: “My intention is not to move further away from you, only to come closer.” If I share my feelings with the recognition of how I feel, with the desire to get closer, I will usually find a way to express it that achieves this purpose. It won’t bring more pain, guilt, or distance, only openness and connection. Many people desire closeness, but it’s difficult for them to be open, which keeps their spouse far away. Others express their emotions easily, but they cause a distance in the process. Both are harmful. Learning how to be more honest and open, with the intention of fostering a deeper connection, definitely enables us to come closer to that goal. To summarize, if an interaction leads to guilt and shame, that’s an indication that the intention was to take revenge, which will only create more distance in the relationship. On the contrary, if the feeling your spouse gets is “I want to get closer to you”—which will only happen if this is your true intention—then no matter how honest you are that closeness will come to be.

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Dr. David Lieberman

Basie Rosenblatt, LCSW

There are many, but the most important one is hakaras hatov, gratitude. Appreciation of your spouse can be transformative in the most challenging of marriages. A lack of appreciation can kill a good marriage faster than anything else. Unfortunately, we can be the stingiest in gratitude with the people we are closest to—we can say a kinder thank you to the toll collector!

Kindness and happiness are what will determine the success in marriage, for the most part. Of the five primary emotions— sadness, anger, fear, shame, and joy—only one is positive. We have to work hard to be happy. Some of us are inherently wired to be positive. I was blessed to grow up with happy people, so it hasn’t been a lot of work for me, but it’s work for all of us. “Ivdu es Hashem b’simchah,” we are commanded.

Focus on the good in your spouse and appreciate the small things. Try writing a note, texting, or calling your spouse three times a day. Tell him or her you notice, you acknowledge, and that you appreciate. It’s something small, but your spouse will feel great.

Chani Juravel, LCSW Whether it’s natural or learned, the more giving, optimistic, and grateful we are factors in a lot for success. These are all such important qualities. It’s also so hard but so important to try to be objective and curious. So much conflict can be avoided with curiosity. Really hearing the other out and learning their reality; recognizing and respecting differences instead of resenting them and taking them personally— that’s the ideal. Two people can live together and share in so many ways but will probably still react to and see things differently. Even the same word (e.g., “enough,” “family,” “frum,” “satisfied”) can be defined so differently by two different people. The more the goal is to gain objective understanding of the other, the less things will be about “right versus wrong” and the less hurt and friction there will be. It’s hard work to let go of assumptions and to gain real, curious communication and understanding, but in the long run it’s a lot more work not to.

Healthy people who are drawn to other emotions have to find a path and the ability to function in a world of joy. Joy has many different subtypes—being happy, generous, and learning to give on many different levels, whether with parents, spouse, and children—but the point is to invest in this endeavor. The happier you are and the more good you see in your spouse, the better off you’ll be. Then there’s the energy you get when you smile. When you induce a smile, you get positive energy. Try it for yourself right now. Induce a frown, and you’ll feel negative energy. Now smile and watch how different you feel. Contrary to what many believe, the ability to give, much more than to get, is what makes a person happy eternally. We’re constantly asking Hashem for so much, but how much are we willing to give? And is our giving meaningful? Is it another pair of shoes, or is it giving of ourselves—our time, letting our husband go out to learn happily, time that the children need without making them feel compromised. Are we giving of ourselves to our parents? That’s what makes people happy at the end of the day. Uncertainty won’t be placated because you acquired more. You will only feel better when you plant in yourself the idea of giving for the betterment of the world and your immediate surroundings. I think we have raised in many ways a generation of overindulged children. It often happens that when I encourage couples to give to one another, they simply don’t understand what giving means. Learn what it means to really give of yourself if you want to have a truly satisfying marriage. What’s also needed to improve a marriage is the desire to make it work. The couple must have the ability and willingness to change and see the good in other people. Also, taking responsibility for the issues that they’re contributing is important too—the ability to be mindful about what they’re doing and how it’s impacting their relationship.

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Every healthy parent wants to give their child the kind of childhood that will help them grow into emotionally and spiritually healthy adults. Based on your personal and professional experience, what is one component that will, b’ezras Hashem, lead to success in parenting? Rabbi Ezra Friedman

Dr. David Lieberman

One vital component in chinuch is the relationship. This refers to an emotional bond between the parent and the child, where the child feels that his parent is there for him, cares about him, is interested in how he feels, and is concerned about the goings on in his life. Of course, every parent wants what’s best for their child, but the question is how much the child feels that and how apparent it is to them. The more a child feels this way, the more open, receptive, and communicative he will be, which is a key element in chinuch.

Simchah, simchah, simchah. Joy in the home is so pivotal. Let your home be charged with positivity.

Although parenting involves giving over instructions, such as establishing boundaries and routines and teaching the child to follow rules and conduct himself morally, what will most deeply influence the child is less of the teaching and more about the relationship. The better the parent-child relationship is, the less technical instruction the chinuch will involve because, in general, a child naturally wants to follow in his parents' path. When the relationship is healthy, a child feels his parents’ love, and he feels that they’re a safe, accepting address for him to share his emotions. No matter what he goes through, he will consult with them to talk it out. Even the most seemingly overwhelming issues can be properly handled as long as the child feels comfortable to open up about them to this safe, most ideal address. There is no greater gift a parent can give their child—and themselves. 252

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I don’t mean that your home needs to be a constant party of music and dancing. I’m referring to an underlying atmosphere of joy and gratitude. Joy and gratitude are infinitely linked. We see how the people who are the happiest are grateful, and vice versa. Gratitude, as mentioned in our discussion of marriage, brings joy. A parent who walks into a room and automatically focuses on the one thing that is not right is sucking the joy out of the home. Children raised in homes as such will grow up lacking simchah, appreciation, and connection. And I’m not even talking about children who leave religion behind. When you infuse your interactions with gratitude, your home will be one of joy and connection. Children raised in such a home will not only have a healthy relationship with Judaism but will also be more socially aware and emotionally solvent adults.

Basie Rosenblatt, LCSW

Chani Juravel, LCSW

Setting limits is paramount, but it’s also critical to find the good in our children and draw out the good in them. Remember to spend time with your kids, to make them feel like they’re the ones you want spend time with. Get off your phone in their honor. Make your kids your priority and make everything enjoyable.

I understand that this doesn’t come easily to everyone. We all experience various stresses, and it’s normal for kids to see their parents in different modes, but if the message they’re getting is that it’s “too much,” they will internalize that.

Very often, clients will be discouraged about parenting because they didn’t have “the right models of parents.” I always assure them that they can still be successful if they didn’t have the right parent as long as they remember what kind of parent they wanted as a child. We all wanted to be understood, heard, noticed, and paid attention to (straight out of the berachah on the shofar blasts in Mussaf of Rosh Hashanah: meivin, maazin, mabit, makshiv—such phenomenal qualities of Hashem’s “parenting”). We didn’t need someone who’d fix everything and who’d keep us perpetually happy—we needed someone who’d hold and share the pain with us in hard times and teach us not to be afraid of discomfort being too much for us (“imo Anochi b’tzarah,” like Hashem is fully with us in hard times).

It’s important for parents to remember that it’s always about the relationship, not about what’s happening this minute. Whether a kid is davening or not davening, learning or not learning is not so much the crux of the matter. At times, circumstances require that we lower our expectations. Letting the child know we will do whatever it takes to help them is paramount. When they share about what’s going on in their lives, they don’t want to hear “nothing happened.” We need to be attuned, heren and derheren, to listen with a third ear and notice: “What else is going on here that I need to know about?”

Parents who really focus on the child’s needs, without their own agenda, and who try to emulate Hashem’s love, forgiveness, belief in the child’s innate goodness and in their ability to do and become more, are in good shape. And realizing in the tougher times that this is exactly the child you were meant to grow with and from (and having the confidence of knowing that you’re exactly the parent your child needs) is always the best antidote to giving up.

Even chores can be fun, Pesach cleaning can be fun. The only people who are raising happy Yidden today are the parents who are high on Judaism. Just showing them that you love every mitzvah gives them that feeling too. If there are complaints, and they keep seeing that you’re finding it overwhelming, they will feel it.

To submit questions for our upcoming mental health panel, please write to info@wellspringmagazine.com, subject “Mental Health Panel.”

Note: This panel is intended for individuals in healthy relationships.

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150+ respondents

COVID-19 WELLBEING SURVEY 254

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How Has the Pandemic - and Its Ramifications Impacted Your Emotional State? by shiffy friedman In May, when the world was still recoiling from the initial lightning streaks of COVID-19, I hosted a virtual workshop on self-development. As an introduction to our topic, I asked participants to share how they felt that the pandemic — and everything that came along with it — was impacting their wellbeing. While there was an obvious consensus about the pain and sadness for those who were experiencing loss, the sentiments women were expressing about the lockdown in and of itself were very varied. In fact, more women found it to be a positive experience than the opposite. That got me thinking. While the negative repercussions of lockdown have been widely aired, and there’s no denying that they exist, was it like that for all? A randomized survey was in order. While this survey has a total of 154 respondents, just a tiny sample of our frum population, I believe it gives us a peek into the world that is ours, into the life of a mainstream male or female across the globe.

This survey focuses primarily on the restrictions that were put in place in an attempt to curb the spread of the virus. When respondents speak positively of those aspects, they are referring to those effects only, not the actual virus. Comments are just a sampling, representing the replies of all respondents. Wellspring does not necessarily promote or agree with views expressed by respondents.

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overall, i found that covid-19

49%

Negatively impacted my wellbeing

21%

Positively impacted my wellbeing

30%

Had no significant impact on my wellbeing

in what way? Lockdown brought us together and kept us together as a strong, fun unit.

families in the building which they hadn't before. That's a very big plus.

Overcoming all the hardships really made me stronger.

By learning with my youngest (only around 15 minutes a day because he refuses to do more, but it still seems effective for strengthening his reading skills), it gives me a better view of where he’s up to, as well as his learning style.

I was more introspective, had more time to daven, and played a lot of games with the kids. It took work, and I was very conscious to keep a schedule and ask for help when I needed it. The isolation from friends and family. Saw and heard so many Hashgachah pratis stories, which increased my emunah. I feel like I turn to Hashem more now because of my pain. The children in our apartment building have become friends, which they weren’t necessarily before. I heard this from other mothers too — that their children started playing with 256

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Because one of my teenagers has been around more, I've gotten to spend more time with him and see how he’s matured emotionally, developing into a very pleasant young man. At the same time, the lockdown has basically destroyed the ruchniyus of my older children (except one, who really enjoys yeshivah and stays there for the lockdowns). They rarely daven with a minyan (and do a very quick minimal davening at home) and hardly go to yeshivah. I’m overweight, yet during this lockdown I’ve managed to diet properly with some exercise, and I’ve lost weight.

It’s hard seeing the destruction of children’s spiritual and educational wellbeing, plus the destruction of parnassah. We were able to move from the United States to Israel because of the work-from-home situation. Does it matter where home is for my work to get done? Nope. So we are in Jerusalem. And that’s great for my wellbeing. Unimaginable stress due to kids being home, job loss, massive debt accrued, nowhere to go, fear of sickness, and fear of losing loved ones. I was very afraid to catch the virus, and also for my elderly mother, but it was nice to see how concerned my children were for me and how they took care of my wife and me when we did get it. Greater awareness and appreciation of life, health, Hashem, family and people, as well as great sadness for lives of family members that were lost. That’s terrible and will never go

away. I take nothing for granted. As a bochur in yeshiva, I lost out on so much by not being able to return to Eretz Yisrael for the summer zeman. I got married during the pandemic, so the days leading up to the wedding were incredibly stressful. I didn't know when, where, and if I would be getting married until it actually happened — in a kind neighbor’s backyard. I came into the marriage so stressed, and then we weren't able to spend much time outside of our apartment. We barely had sheva brachos events and I found it uncomfortable being around my new husband for so many hours at a time. I definitely experienced some weight gain, but I got to connect with my kids and spouse like never before. The atmosphere was so relaxed, no pressures of work or homework. Of course the pandemic itself was frightening, but I appreciated that it gave us the impetus to stop the rat race of life and just be. To wake up every morning, with all the kids and my husband home, and say, “So what are we doing today — as a family?” The phone classes were dreadful, but after we were done we did some really fun things together. In every way. But primarily, because we lost our mother. I feel fed up, frustrated, confused, and this is eating me up. There is so little clarity: some people isolate, some don’t. There’s that feeling of wondering why I should miss out on social opportunities if everyone else is having a great time. I ended up gaining a significant amount of weight over the lockdown period and it did not do well for my

wellbeing. I needed the comfort at that time, but it was hard for me to accept the consequences. I learned that Hashem is the only One in control, and even things and people that we’ve trusted all our lives suddenly have no control! I’ve learned to give up and just put my trust in Hashem because nothing else can help me. It’s a wake-up call to see things in perspective and work on ourselves — physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. As my parents’ youngest child, I was the only one home with my mother when my father was taken in to the hospital and when she got the phone call that it was all over. Getting engaged soon after was a very exciting, but very overwhelming experience. The thought of “what's next?” frightened me so much, plus the anxiety of “what will be?” — especially when my parents got sick with COVID-19 and seemed to be taking a turn for the worse. But it was also good for me. I cried a lot and had time for introspection and working on my emunah, which has gotten me through the crisis of subsequently staying without a source of income. COVID impacted my wellbeing in positive and negative ways, both of which are ultimately positive. I felt like I was living in slow motion, with so much time and mind space for my family, with no serious illness, baruch Hashem. Yet, the constant sirens and unpredictable routine weighed on me. All in all, it hasn’t been an exciting experience, but I’m extremely grateful to Hashem for sparing us and for all the lessons in emunah and bitachon I learned along the way. My taste and smell still haven’t re-

turned, and that negatively impacts my wellbeing. It sucks so much joy and pleasure out of life (as well as conveniences and safety measures like smelling a burning pot!). Initially, it was the fear of getting sick, that my parents, in-laws, and grandparents shouldn't contract the virus. Then, there’s the annoyance over the continuous lockdowns which just complicate life. And there’s the anxiety of getting a ticket because you’re not wearing a mask or are attending a simchah. Even though it’s been months since I had the virus, I’m still suffering from extreme weakness. I’m usually a very hard-working person and push to my very end, but now can’t physically manage half of what I used to do. This is not my imagination. I was once able to work until 2–3 a.m. when necessary, but these days, I’m finished at 7 p.m. My wife was on a ventilator for several weeks. Understandably, there was so much tension, fear, and anxiety. Losing my young husband was excruciating, but Hashem strengthened me with so much resilience, emunah, and kochos. In retrospect, every challenge that we have and grow from impacts us. Though there were many challenging times, overall I have a renewed feeling that I’m in Hashem's hands and nothing I can do to plan my life will happen unless Hashem wants it to happen. Also, I learned that I can handle being home with my family and enjoy spending time with my kids, which I previously thought was not something I can do for too long. Lockdowns were extremely taxing to my mental and physical state. And so is mask-wearing.

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The pandemic forced us to make a decision we wouldn’t have made just yet: to move back to New York from Israel (because my husband’s chavrusas didn’t come back). I’d never before experienced significant anxiety like I had during March, April, and May. And it keeps resurfacing. My seminary year got cut short and the phone classes didn’t do it for me. It’s hard for me to be out of schedule and routine. It has taught me to be okay with not being in control of so many things and to just leave it up to Hashem. He’ll show me what’s going to happen when I need to know. I got stressed by all the rules and regulations, which appear to be useless. I had to give birth without my husband or labor coach and came home to a house full of kids who were all home with me 24/7. I got to spend quality time with my child. I saw a major improvement in many aspects of his behavior. For example, he had an issue with sensory and picky eating, and during the lockdown I was able to focus on this situation and tackle it. The calmness of not rushing, rushing, rushing, along with the receding of the usual demands of daily life contributed greatly to this. I liked the quality time at home but it 258

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was very hard to constantly entertain my three-and-a-half year old who is the oldest and didn't have anyone to play with besides me. That answer depends on the point in time. I gave birth right at the beginning so I was happy to be home with the baby and toddler and my husband’s help. But then I got easily into the staying-home rut of no self-care and not being productive enough. Now Baby is almost a year old and life for us is pretty much back to normal, so it’s not affecting me too much. I came out with symptoms of a chronic condition and I’m currently on medication to stabilize my condition. I believe it’s due to overworking. Having the kids home and working from home together is just too much. More screen time and waking up late don’t make for very positive wellbeing changes. Small transitions, like coming back into the house from dropping my son off at playgroup, used to throw me off. All that went away because we didn't have to leave the house, so an uninterrupted flow of in-house productivity was more readily available.

ing books, art projects, and chocolate chip cookie baking activities one family can go through! Honestly, I don’t want to see another Perler bead ever again. Got to be home and do everything I never had time for! I draw a lot of my satisfaction and joy from my work life, which was nonexistent for a good few weeks. I wasn’t particularly more anxious except for the first few days, and I actually really got things done. I saw I can feel good without “getting out.” I have a daughter with special needs that is physically and cognitively very low-functioning, and she was home for months. Because my husband and I managed to take care of her without school, it gave me a new feeling of strength, and I “faced my fear” of managing without outside help. I ended up coming out stronger and more connected to her and my husband from it.

There’s the fear of death and constantly hearing about others who passed away.

Really, it has impacted my wellbeing both positively and negatively. It’s hard to stay positive when so many are in pain, and we don’t know what the next minute will bring. At the same time, I’ve had the opportunity to strengthen my connection with my own immediate family (husband and young son), and to make the best of difficult situations, as well as build a sense of “surrendering” my own preferences, ideals, and comfort levels to Hashem’s, thereby building bitachon.

There’s a limit to how many color-

Not seeing my grandchildren, as well

The feeling of being cooped up, not being able to go anywhere, has brought on mild depression.

as the financial strain, were hard for me. As an immunocompromised diabetic, I've been afraid for my own life, especially after hearing of the passing of too many friends and acquaintances. In my anxious state, I drank way more alcohol than I should have. At first there was a standstill, then some improvement in areas such as physical health (focus on healthy eating and exercising), family interaction (via Zoom platforms), but by the time June came around, things pretty much returned to equilibrium. I was in my first trimester, which is when I mainly rest in bed. This is usually very difficult when the regular responsibilities get in the way, but this time my husband was home to give a hand and the kids didn’t have to be taken or picked up from school, so that helped. At first, the conflicting reports for and against various prevention and treatment measures left me feeling confused and at a loss. Consulting with daas Torah provided me the clarity I was desperate for and did well for my wellbeing.

We celebrated my son’s long-awaited bar mitzvah in our dining room, with no one other than our nuclear family present. As much as we tried to make the most of it, it was hard.

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How has the lockdown impacted your marriage?

50% 33% 13% 4% Negatively

Positively

Spending time with my spouse and family during the lockdown was awesome! Being with a critical and demanding husband (who also doesn’t parent well so the kids’ behavior is even worse) makes things very depressing and frustrating. Togetherness as a team for ourselves and our kids. We talked more, spent time enjoying each other and our family. It was very hard to be stuck in close quarters with my husband and kid (we live in a tiny two-bedroom in Flatbush). In the beginning, it was certainly hard. But then, as my new husband and I connected more and spent more time together, I started to cherish the bonus time we got as a couple without outside interferences and responsibilities (like my teaching job). It was nice to just hang around together with nowhere to go and nothing to do (once my husband completed his remote work from our basement office).

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No significant impact

N/A (not married)

As we kept getting updates about my mother’s health — first when she was still home and then when she was hospitalized, my husband was able to be there for me all day long, every day, with almost no distractions. He was also able to help out in the house when I just couldn't get it together, and to be there with me during shivah, completely free of his usual obligations.

where. However, it was hard having the kids home with no school, especially when parks were closed.

It was nice to have help all day and have company.

My husband was available to do all those projects around the house that never get done. There was time to see all the fun things he does with the kids which I never had time to even notice. There was time to reflect on his good side rather than only focusing on his negatives, which I automatically do on those regular stressed day-to-day lives we usually run.

We problem-solved together and supported each other. As much as I enjoy my husband's company and presence, I also need my own space and that almost didn't happen for a few weeks. It wasn’t the lockdown per se, but losing our source of parnassah as a result of COVID-19 has definitely been a heavy weight on our marriage. There were so few obligations, and we ended up spending lots of quality time together. It was great to be together with the family, without having to rush any-

It’s hard to describe, but being home more together with the kids and needing to give to each other more (we had the virus at separate times) definitely made a good marriage even better.

I lost my husband during the pandemic, so I’m now a widow. But in his last days, our marriage become stronger than it ever was before. I felt how much he cared for me, concerned that I would lose him, and I did so much for him too. My message to all couples who are still zocheh to have each other is to keep investing in their marriage as long as they can. Living without a spouse is so, so painful. There’s a hole in my life that just can't be filled.

I got married during the pandemic so I don't know anything different. My marriage is baruch Hashem good; I don't see any impact either way. Being home with my wife for so many more hours than usual and seeing her patience with dealing with the children home all day gave me a new appreciation for her. Although I’ve been stressed and anxious, which doesn’t necessarily make for warm and fuzzy interactions, my marriage is secure enough to handle that.

from shul and anything else that was closed. We were quite kind to each other and I focused on it a lot. Spending time together as a family brought us together. My husband is house-bound due to disabilities, so nothing has changed for us. We just pushed time, but it was very nice to be home and make Yom Tov together on Pesach.

phone conversations with other people. Also, we had many difficult life decisions to make and conversations about them. Some examples included whether and how we’d be going to visit parents, what standards of following the government’s safety protocol we were to keep, how to maintain connections with friends and family despite the social distancing, and how to adjust our plans to be moving along with current events. Some things never change — especially if you're married for four decades! Similar behaviors continued, and even intensified, but only temporarily.

Too much pressure at home. My wife saw I wasn't the masmid she thought I was. I didn’t learn much at home. I found it monotonous and not good for us. My husband is self-employed so he was at work as usual, but I did expect (and sort of demand) more help from him with the kids. We’re good at keeping to ourselves even indoors, so that helped. We’re both working from home — so I don’t get the house to myself and he comments on everything. We both worked as per usual so it wasn’t a very big change for us. Worked from home, spent too much time on top of each other in a small apartment. My husband is an essential worker so he was not home from work during the lockdown, although he was home

Too much time together with a negative spouse. We saw we managed and worked as a team, being home with our daughter with special needs without school or a lot of help (our other children are married). We were forced to have many more “quiet” Shabbosim, and practically, just spend more time together in the same space. Thankfully, we both tried to respect each other’s need for quiet and alone time, and having

I got married with a backyard wedding, which I was trying to be good about, but really felt really sad that this is how things turned out. We were then whisked off to our apartment and had practically nowhere to go (both sets of parents are middle-aged) for a month straight. I don’t have the prettiest memories of that time. With so much time on our hands (all of our children are baruch Hashem married), my wife (of forty years) and I had conversations we’ve never had before.

WELLBEING SURVEY

How did you tend to your wellbeing during lockdown?

We made sure to get out every so often to a large park. Fresh air. Tried to make sure to get dressed. I was at the end of a pregnancy, and was really not feeling great. Being able to be home and having my husband help me with the kids was a blessing in disguise. I locked my door and did my exercise class via Zoom. Saying Tehillim more, speaking with Hashem more, taking calming herbs, writing in my journal the following: my feelings and experiences, gratitude lists, plus victory lists. I was happy to go into hibernation. That said, it was just me and my husband. I'm not so sure I would have been happy had it happened when my kids were still home. I sat in my car after going to the grocery store. I made sure to eat properly, listen to lectures, and take a walk at least once a day. I made sure to sleep plenty! I found it really gave me energy to face the day ahead. I woke up before everyone else to a quiet house. That gave me personal time for reading and writing. We were home with our three youngest kids — teenage sons (15, 19, 21) who

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had hardly ever been home together and it was a gift to our family. Lots of good-natured teasing and laughing among the craziness. They drove out to deliver care packages to their married siblings, which entertained them, helped the marrieds, and made me feel like I can help. There was enough space for everyone to do their learning and work. I loved having them home together. Since we were a newly married couple for most of the lockdown, every time my husband davened or took the time to learn, I had time to unwind. On most mornings, I would tell the kids that I won't be available before I did three things: got dressed, davened Shacharis, and ate a wholesome breakfast. That’s what kept me going all day long. And the best part was that they joined me in doing the same (for the most part!). Physically, I didn’t take such good care of myself — I was pregnant, and cleaning for Pesach, and physically run-down. Emotionally, I fared better. I took it one day at a time. I wish I can say that I did, but it was just all too confusing and overwhelming. I started walking daily (my only daily outing, for the most part), opting for 7000 steps a day (except on Shabbos), whether it was indoors or outside. I became more mindful of my eating habits and choices (e.g. drinking more water and ensuring portion

control) which led to my losing the weight that I’d put on after each birth. Baruch Hashem, I met my goal. My mother has been an amazing role model for me. She kept making sure I was taking care of myself, eating good meals, socializing on the phone, etc. Journaling, taking time to be with myself, not listening to or reading the news. Fresh air in countryside. Tried to create enjoyable activities for the kids and tried doing some of the activities that I enjoy without my kids. Tried to have a nap in the morning while my husband watched the kids playing, so I could have energy to be cheerful in the more critical hours. I made sure to do something exciting in the evening when the kids were sleeping — either with my husband, or I joined a Zoom workshop, or I just sat on the couch and read. After around 7 or 8 at night, it was my time. I would go read, watch something, or schmooze on the phone. No one was able to bother me for anything after that time anymore. Tried to do push-ups every day and jumped with a jump rope. Nothing really. And then I would get all overwhelmed with everyone

home and I would collapse and then would vow to give myself some “me time,” which inevitably wouldn’t happen because of the million and one obligations, deadlines, kid fights — and then I would collapse again. One exception: I would lock myself into my room with my morning coffee and a chocolate and my husband would entertain the kids for those five to seven minutes. Exercise and therapy. I practiced self-care in the form of meditation, exercise, lectures, walks with my husband, and baking with the kids, as well as doing things that I enjoy. Took sanity walks with a friend every night. Ordered supper when I was overwhelmed. Online meditation group. Working a lot from home. Tried staying away from the news as much as possible. I tried to do things at night when my kids were asleep that were relaxing. Shopped online. Tried to keep a daily schedule. Cooked and ate a lot.

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How has social distancing impacted your wellbeing?

Positively Impacted

Negatively Impacted

No significant impact

36%

It was very hard for my kids to not be able to mingle with their neighbors or to have to spend Pesach home alone. It was so beautiful in its own way, but it would have been so nice with family and friends.

tive effects, but I don’t believe it was actually positive. It helped me hide out in my own corner and avoid socializing, but I wonder how good that really is for my wellbeing. I suspect it’s more of an avoidance mechanism.

I loved being in my “own world.”

I’m an extrovert so it was very hard to be alone, but Zoom helped a little and I found safe ways to see friends eventually.

I don't like being physically close to strangers and in crowds, and anyway, where I live (a charedi area in Eretz Yisrael), the social distancing is not strictly enforced. I'm very social so I didn’t — and still don’t — like social distancing. I learned to visit my elderly neighbors by standing in their driveway and that helped us both. I would like to say there were posi264

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I didn't even get to sit shivah with my family. I haven’t even seen them since. I was able to concentrate on me and things I’d put off working on. Sitting shivah alone was torturous. Baruch Hashem for my siblings.

I’m the kind of guy who needs my chevreh. This was a real challenge for me.

Arranging babysitters and going out to simchahs and such has always been a big stressor for me, so I appreciated not having social obligations.

I’m an introvert so I preferred not having to socialize. I just like when the shops are open.

It’s stressful to keep a distance from the vulnerable and worry that maybe you're infecting them.

I feel very alone and distanced from family abroad. We lost our father and

It was difficult to sit shivah without having people come comfort us. I had

to be there for my young children every second with no breaks.

was missing social stimulation from a non-family member!

I am a social person. Also, I used to see my clients and give lectures in person. I loved that! I have now switched to doing it online and it’s more convenient but it's not the same. Furthermore, I usually eat by my in-laws very frequently and we didn’t see them for weeks! I also used to visit my father weekly. Not being able to go was the hardest part of the lockdown.

As a people person, I’ve been very lonely.

I hate all the rules against socializing! I miss people. I had serious cabin fever going on. For months after giving birth, I haven’t had a face-to-face interaction with anyone outside my immediate family. That certainly took a toll on me. I find that I really need time to spend with friends to feel fulfilled. I’m usually happy to be by myself so I did not feel it consciously, but at one point I realized that I was grouchy sometimes because I really

It propelled me to work on being patient, making time with my husband, literally finding and praising good qualities and middos I’m seeing in my spouse and children. The mask situation and measures in public places are stressful, especially because I don’t see them helping in the least. For me, the greatest negative impact was the unspoken disagreements between extended family and friends regarding their beliefs on curbing the spread, lockdowns, etc. I’m still anxious to be around people. After a while, the phone wasn’t enough to feel connected. I missed my kids and grandchildren terribly even though they drive by. Spending Pesach alone was especially difficult. The only thing that impacted me and

still does is when a mask is needed. I find it difficult and highly uncomfortable to breathe wearing a mask, and I don’t believe that this curbs the spread by even a tiny bit. But I follow directions and do wear it in places where it’s needed, as to not cause a chillul Hashem. Baruch Hashem I don’t feel like I am suffering or have been dramatically challenged, but I can’t deny the fact that I do feel I’ve missed out in terms of social support. Yes, I know I’ve been doing this for a purpose, but I can’t say I feel as connected to friends or extended family as I was when I could go over for Shabbos, hang out with friends with their kids playing with mine, or simply enjoy coffee/brunch with an old classmate. It was a challenge to not be able to see our grandchildren for so long, but they were wonderful about it and kept doing “window visits” and drive-throughs. We’re blessed. It was hard to be out of contact with friends or family, especially those who live afar (you wouldn't drive three hours to wave to someone from the car) with whom we usually get together consistently for Shabbosim and Yamim Tovim.

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If you experienced loss due to COVID-19, what has helped you cope with the loss?

I didn’t, but my husband lost a chavrusa. It was very hard on him, but he recognized that no one dies before Hashem decides it’s time for him to die. Working on my emunah and remembering that this world is temporary. Learning Chovos Halevavos with a chavrusa who has also gone through incredible losses. My close friend (also a bochur) lost his father, who I was very close to. He was such a kind, warm man, always making me feel comfortable in his home. I would say he was like a second father to me. I'm still processing the loss. The loss is still there. Still painful. Still grappling. Very sad and alone. No normal shivah — it was still during the first wave, when everyone was still terrified and sat alone. The only thing that keeps me going is emunah and remembering that this is what Hashem wants of us, and that He took his tzaddikim first.

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Doing something meaningful in their memory — such as by being more empathic and non-judgmental of others, assuming everyone is coping and struggling differently. We must continue to believe that Hashem had a plan for when they were meant to die — and it’s not just because of COVID. Remembering that this was destined from Above — every tiny detail. The kochos Hashem imbued us with. Spending time with fellow bereaved siblings. Believing that it wasn’t COVID that killed him. Since before he was born, he was destined to live the amount of years that he did. I lost an elderly grandmother and I don’t let myself think about what might have happened to her in the hospital.

It was during the lockdown so I was too busy with the kids to properly process it. Still in pain over the loss of my grandfather. Time is a great healer. We lost an uncle. I was pretty detached and did not know him much. It was very sad, though. It feels surreal, especially because they live in a different country. Other losses made me cry and daven. Knowing that she was already sick with a different condition, and the fact that she passed away quicker meant she suffered less than had she eventually passed away from her cancer. The last words he said to me before he was taken into the ambulance, between gasps: No matter what, Hashem is always with us and He takes care of us every single moment of our lives. We are never alone. Just belief that it’s all part of a Master Plan.

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What have you been most concerned about during the pandemic?

My parents’ health. (50+ responses!) Losing a loved one. Getting the virus myself and possibly suffering badly from it. The loss of so many gedolim and good Yidden. The economy and our future. Who will leave us next? Hearing of so many people dying left me with a feeling of wondering who will still be lost. Which family won’t have a parent tomorrow? My 15-year-old son spent too much time at the screen. I was the one who had to actively block out all the doom and gloom from my mind to help the people around me deal with the occasional crippling anxiety. I was, however, keenly aware of what was going around me and was particularly concerned for the elderly members of my family and those who worked in healthcare. People acting towards each other with such hatred. Evidence of proper treatment and prevention exist (vitamin D, zinc, etc.), yet they are either barely mentioned or even derided in the mainstream medical field.

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So many people marked as having died of corona actually died of hospital neglect (as evidenced by a letter signed by medical staff that appeared in many mainstream newspapers) or maltreatment (like the hundreds of people worldwide on respirators who, due to lack of understanding on the part of the staff, died because the machines were on the wrong setting). This week, a rabbi told my husband that a nurse confided to him that the doctor in charge of her ward told her to shut down the life support system for four elderly patients with corona, directly murdering them. She did so, but felt bad later, which is why she consulted with this rabbi. (He told her she needed to quit, rather than kill people.) Just to be clear, the doctor in charge did this without the “permission” of a living will or consulting with family members (which wouldn’t justify it, but it shows how little this “doctor” values human life). Much information about corona is inaccurate, yet outside of certain circles, you aren’t allowed to question.

No places to go out to eat! (I know this may sound petty in the grand scheme of things, but it really means a lot to me.) My married children’s ability to cope. The challenge and impact it had on my sons. That it would affect me personally. Shops and my job. Chillul Hashem and impact on our children’s chinuch, lack of normal social interaction. Death and finances. That people are going crazy — not from COVID but because of it.

Finances, and getting a job.

Once I lost my father, I felt a weird kind of relief. Until it happened, I was so concerned for him I couldn’t sleep for days.

Since I was expecting, and there was no research on how COVID impacts pregnancy, I was very nervous about getting it myself, and for my delivery.

The health of my family, friends, and Klal Yisrael, and that it felt like a time of din. I hoped I was doing my part to be zocheh to rachamim, and

I constantly thank Hashem for our health.

Having kids home while working from home.

e njoy a swe et moment

My wife coping with the kids all day. The casualties, to lose a close relative.

Sickness for immunocompromised spouse. Fear of the unknown.

The amount of blatant rumors and lies that went around about health and vaccines, and the rifts and arguments it caused. That my family would be affected with the illness severely. Obviously, it pained me most that so many people were niftar. I was very concerned about the closing of airports, stores, and schools. I have a hard time when things don't feel “normal,” and we can’t just go and do whatever we want, whenever we want. Although I'm young I really thought that this would be the end for me. Funny that I wasn’t worried about my elderly relatives. I was sure that they would be okay. Also, I thought the world was coming to an end. I imagined the government falling apart, no water, electricity, etc. Total lawlessness, the works. Health of older relatives, availability of essentials, getting a toddler to wear a mask on a plane. Emotional wellbeing of the kids.

Government exercising too much power. Not being able to travel to visit family and grandparents. Being forced to receive the vaccine. The loss of Torah and tefillah, boys who were struggling or even doing fine losing their cheishek and mesirus nefesh for davening and learning. Kids wasting time and days doing nothing because of lockdowns. Psychological side effects. Catching it and accidentally passing it on to someone who could die from it. The situation in the hospitals. Not knowing what Hashem wants from me specifically. When or if things will return to normal, anti-Semitism (even within different Jewish sects), and the loss of parnassah for so many frum people.

Fresh roasted coffee with smooth flavor and rich aroma

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What do you miss most from pre-COVID days?

Mask-free faces. (45+ responses) Unrestricted air travel. (20+ responses) Fun activities, seeing family. Having a normal, reliable schedules and expectations. Not having to read about COVID all the time. Parnassah, socialization, less overall anxiety — personally and as a nation. The social life in my office — we’re all still working remotely.

Jumping on a flight without a million logistics.

without having to be up-to-date on what’s allowed and what's not...

Indoor family and friend get-togethers, including being together for Shabbos and Yom Tov; attending simchahs in person.

Work/home life balance.

The temimus I had for life. Like the worst thing that could have happened was that my students misbehaved.

Being able to plan things without worrying about countries changing regulations in one moment.

Predictability, though I know it’s always been an illusion. People being more calm.

Fun simchahs.

Normal school schedules for my kids.

No worries about flying and bidud and sicknesses, and no disagreements in the family I miss the innocence we had. The epidemic took away a sense of safety for me.

Routine! Live events. My husband. I miss visiting my married daughters in Israel, and I miss them coming to the States. Breathing free, smiling to the world and having it smile back!

The freedom that we had to “plan” our life and schedule trips and gatherings and weddings without suspecting that the plans may not pan out.

Nothing — it was a good wakeup call for us to stop the running and see that we are really not in control. It did tragically cost many precious lives. However, it’s not COVID that killed them. COVID can’t kill people; every person lives exactly as long as they are supposed to be on this earth. Gym.

Freedom and ease of mind. Sort of on edge now, scared to hear bad news. Flying for vacations and trips! Social life. Care-free life. Political stability.

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My father! People have developed a fear of each other and became judgmental of others choices, like wearing a mask or not. I miss the social world preCOVID. Oh gosh! Everything! The stability of life, being able to travel, be with people, take care of normal things

Seeing my sister in Israel! (I missed two of her children’s weddings.) The “not feeling awkward” when going over to someone at a simchah — how close to go, do they want to shake your hand, etc. All that makes me feel socially awkward when it is something I never thought about until now.

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Is there something you will miss from the lockdown days?

No!/Noooo/No way! (50+ responses)

Closeness and zero pressure.

Family bonding time. (20+ responses)

Living through history is pretty cool.

Yes. I think everyone was more easygoing about things.

The “corona” excuse.

We did so many fun things as a family. Starting with school in our beds sometimes, to buying a pet hamster, to making the funniest block mock wedding, to color war as a family — this held us together and brought us closer. We also really learned how to handle each other well even if life was tough!

The feeling during the first wave, when everyone in Klal Yisroel was on the same page and we all davened together. It’s been hard to watch us drift apart. Hopefully, we won’t go back to our old ways which had a negative spiritual impact.

Looking back, I regret not using the opportunity to bond with my family to the fullest. Going back to living simply. The small things in life didn’t matter as much. Just being happy that everyone is okay. Also, wanting my kids to have good memories of this time, as opposed being traumatized was motivating me to keep the atmosphere at home as positive as possible. If I may say so, we had a great time :). The realization that nothing is in our control. Creative fun.

The unity — it was felt in the air.

The slow, calm pace of life.

Mornings, we prepared breakfast together, ate together, and cleaned up together. I wish we could always start our day like that.

Quiet streets.

The introspection and slowing down of lifestyle. I’m a homebody and it’s nice not feeling pressure to go out. Also, we’re all forced to live more simply, which feels good. The quiet. No need to spend every night out at events/simchahs. Zoom Parent/Teacher conferences. The quiet, the homey days, the focus on people rather than on things, no rush.

Initially, there was a tangible feeling the Mashiach was coming right then. I miss that! Won’t miss it, but will definitely look back and admire my coping skills. I never thought I was physically and emotionally capable of getting through all that we did. The clarity of Ein lanu al mi lehisha’ein ela al Avinu shebashamayim, but I hope to hold on to this clarity even when things go back to “normal.” Lack of school and social stresses for the kids.

The break from life! And surprisingly, the interruption in our social life for a short time actually proved to be good! Sometimes you just need a break from people and society’s pressures... Not having to fly to family for Pesach. Lack of social pressures. Emphasis on hygiene. People were more conscious with washing their hands while we should have been doing it all along. The world slowed down a bit. No guilt for sitting home and doing nothing. Having a minyan in my backyard.

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That was such a beautiful bonus for me during lockdown. The quiet time of not running around.

It was nice to see the world and the top doctors, politicians (some of them), and people in general (including myself!) realize Who runs the world.

In an ideal way of thinking, I will miss the strong effort I put in to cope and make the best of life’s challenges.

Small intimate Shabbos meals, being more at home.

Having my husband home all day, the kids watching him daven. There was a serenity for me. I had homeschooling down to a T, the weather was fabulous, I was able to refocus on my own dear family. Living in the moment.

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Has (or is) COVID-19 significantly impacted your financial status?

20% 21% 13% 46% Positively

Unemployment benefits and stimulus checks. (60+ responses) As a life insurance agent, my husband’s sales went up. Also, I took my health coaching business virtually post pandemic. I don’t think people would have thought about seeing someone online in this capacity before COVID hit. My husband kept his job and worked remotely, but I was unemployed for a long time. We have less income, but we also now lowered our standards, which helped us gain control over our whole family’s spending. Plus, a chunk of money came from another completely unexpected source, which showed Hashem’s Hand. My husband worked in real estate in New York City. He hasn’t made money since February and we had to move out of town to a more affordable community. 274

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Negatively

Both

None

I work in healthcare so I maintained my job.

My store has been shuttered for months.

More work opportunities arose.

Lost my job, and my own business has incurred significant losses.

I work at a place that had lots of people coming before COVID, and now, there’s barely any people coming. I have less work and less income because people don't want to go places. I sell healthcare products, so that explains the positive impact. Klal Yisrael is the most giving, loving nation. Since my husband was niftar, we’ve had people pay our bills, send us groceries, and cover any expenses we have. I lost my job. And the shekel/dollar rate is terrible for my rent. Online sales went up, and my husband sells on Amazon.

Our parents are helping less but we made money from government help. I had a hard time working with the kids home so I had to stop altogether. We used to cook for tourists who came to Israel and barely had any orders this past year. Lost two jobs. Had to leave my job, but found a new, better job from home. On one hand the business is slow, but we do see a tremendous siyatta diShmaya.

ONE CANNOT LIVE BY MATZO ALONE From Seder to Snacking and Everything in Between

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Any other comments regarding the COVID-19 wellbeing subject?

COVID affected some of my children negatively, and I’m constantly thinking of ways to deal with the fallout. I wish it would end already, but I know it won't. I also feel a lot of fear about this new and unknown vaccine, the truth about it, and how it will affect society. The impact on children — they’re resilient in some ways but this definitely tested them. Scholastically, the response has not been adequate to evaluate and fill in gaps in the children’s education. At the beginning of the first lockdown, I still managed to keep some semblance of order in the home. We had some sort of schedule and the preparations for Pesach gave us more of a structure. But over time, and when subsequent lockdowns went into effect, I became more laissez faire about the whole thing — which has its pros and cons. All of this is from Hashem, so whatever negative or positive change it brought about was all destined for me regardless. It means so many different things to everyone, and even just for me. First we had two family weddings at the height of the pandemic, and all the stresses that came along with it. Then came dealing with the actual

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virus, the fear, and the loss of a parent. That’s a lot to process. It has put me on a journey and I came out way better as a result. So it was a very difficult challenge that has made me be a better person. Also, it has brought me closer to Hashem. I’m in a state of curiosity and trust that Hashem will lead us in the direction that is best for us. I’m awaiting the arrival of Mashiach. I found it really nice to listen to podcasts on any subject while I was cleaning the house, and can recommend this for people who need stimulation but are not getting it from other places. I think we Yidden are lucky to have our emunah. Throughout the “roller coaster” of emotions during the first wave, when so many people I knew passed away, I don’t think I would’ve survived without knowing that it’s all His Plan. I think those who were “holding on” before COVID, who were in touch with their emotions, able to work on their parenting and relationship with their kids, and saw being a parent as a cherished role that requires investment managed — they were able to hold it together and ride the wave, even enjoying certain aspects of it. We all have very fond memories of those months!

I feel that the world has been over-reacting and taking this over the top. I didn’t feel that it’s our place to panic and try to “control” it. As we see, time and again, that’s useless. Everyone is bound to get it at some point, and the extra panic and lockdowns are self-imposed hardships. I did have the virus and it wasn’t easy, and of course it’s certainly not easy for those who suffer losses. I just feel that the panic and fear has been multiplying the hardship for everyone. The perspective I’ve received from our rav is that when we believe and trust that Hashem is sending the virus to whoever is meant to get it, rather than people “catching” it, we can be calm and let ourselves be guided by Hashem, as we are in His loving, caring, hands and we have zero control over what will happen to us. We do what we feel is necessary as our hishtadlus, daven and connect, and then take a step back and enjoy the ride. We’re usually busy and distracted. Now there was nowhere to go and we were all present. My family is my greatest pleasure and I loved that they were all home — even my yeshiva bochur! I was in Mommy role all day and I loved it! My husband was home and I enjoyed his mere presence. Although it was stressful, I miss it. It has opened my awareness to what brings me joy and I learned to savor when we are together as a full, whole family unit.

Observations: While the above responses provide ample data on the subject, the following are some of my observations, both from reviewing the data and by looking through individual responses. First, I observed that respondents who reported spending more time on self-care also reported better wellbeing. While the correlation is clear, what is less discernible is what came first: Does one who fares better take better care of oneself or vice versa? Either way, it’s always a good idea to make decent time for ourselves and tend to all of our needs — physical, emotional, and spiritual. I’ve also noticed that respondents in Israel, who are, as of this writing, still under a lockdown (I’ve stopped counting which number) reported more negative consequences of the lockdown. This comes as no surprise. While spending time at home as a family, freed from social obligations, seems attractive (to most) at first, the concept gradually loses its luster when days turn into weeks with no end in sight. Perhaps, most participants in Israel reside in smaller quarters too, which may further exacerbate the lockdown conditions. As the reader may have observed as well, what has kept most respondents in a positive state of mind is the emunah we are privileged and blessed to live with. Several respondents added a note to say, “I don’t know how the others are managing through this pandemonium. Where would I be without my faith in Hashem, without the knowledge that every single occurrence in this world is a part of His Master Plan?” Ashreinu mah tov chelkeinu! Still, there’s no denying that this galus really is painful. Tzaros do hurt. As the Chazon Ish would say, emunah does not mean denying the pain. Yes, it hurts, it’s hard for me, but I believe that this is for my good. May we merit the day of “umacha Hashem dimah mei’al kol panim,” when Hashem will wipe away the tears from every face very, very soon.

In her practice as an LMSW, Shiffy Friedman realized that her knowledge in psychology was not helpful in healing the infinitely profound nefesh. An intensive search led her to discover the Torah’s direction toward a more connected life. To sign up to receive Shiffy’s weekly message on this subject, write to emotionalwellnessthroughTorah@gmail.com.

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In Pain, but Not a Nebach A healing perspective on COVID-19 and all challenges in life By Perl Abramowitz

Facilitated by Shiffy Friedman

This past Erev Yom Kippur, I was sick and weak with 105 degrees fever. For my young children, who had lost their father a few months before to COVID, this was a traumatic experience. One of the kids said, “This is what Totty looked like and then he was niftar.” Every child was shaken to the core. On Motzaei Yom Tov, I got the negative results and it turned out to be an infection. A few days later, when I was baruch Hashem feeling better, I was sitting with the kids at the supper table when my five-year-old son Nechemia’la announced that he had told the boys in his class about his

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plight. “I have so many tzaros in my house!” he told his friends. “First my father was niftar and now my mother is very sick.” To which one friend replied, “Nebach.” And Nechemia said to him, “We have tzaros but we are not a nebach.” We have tzaros, but we are not a nebach. I believe that encapsulates the most healing perspective we can possibly have in this world. Yes, there is a lot of pain in this world, but we are not a nebach. We have Hashem at our side and everything has a cheshbon. The pain of an almanah is torture, it’s exquisite, but I have Hashem at my side.

The kids have asked me, “Hashem couldn’t keep Totty alive?” Obviously, there’s a much bigger cheshbon than what we can understand. And as painful as this is, Hashem, in His kindness, is gifting me with the kochos to feel that. Every almanah I speak to says the same thing. Having witnessed death so close to home, our family has come away with a different perspective on living, with a deepened appreciation for life. The way we saw death, the way we understand the Olam Ha’emes and the value of life, the preciousness of the fight to live, is beyond anything we had ever imagined before. When we

had the “privilege” of coming to my husband in his last moments, what I saw in those hallways will be seared in my memory forever. People were falling like flies! There were niftarim wherever we looked. The pasuk that has since become very meaningful to me is “Lo amus ki echyeh v’asapeir maasei Kah.” As long as I live, I will tell of Hashem’s greatness, of the value of life. I’ve recently commissioned an artist in Eretz Yisrael to paint those words against the backdrop of the gates of Auschwitz, with trees blossoming in the background. Yes, we have experienced so much death, so many tzaros; but as long as we are alive, we will keep blossoming, growing. One day a few months ago, I walked into the house and I thought I was the only one home. I was having a difficult moment and I let out a loud cry. “Ribbono shel Olam,” I shrieked, “Where are You?” From his room, five-year-old Nechemia’la screamed, “Totty is in Olam Ha’emes, and we’re in this world.” The reality of another world is so clear even to him. As an almanah, I’m experiencing an excruciating kind of pain, but in my work as an addictions counselor, I am aware that everyone is living with their pekel. There’s so much fear and OCD and panic. Many people have developed anxiety around their health. Others are afraid of open spaces. Most of these individuals experienced anxiety before the pandemic, but life was still manageable. Over the past year, the situation has completely spiraled out of control. We’re going from one mask to two masks. People are consistently checking the news, anxious and

One day a few months ago, I walked into the house and I thought I was the only one home. I was having a difficult moment and I let out a loud cry. “Ribbono shel Olam,” I shrieked, “Where are You?”

uptight. Our family was hit with the worst strain of COVID, but we never got the fear, as crazy as that sounds. Interestingly enough, though, my husband was concerned about the virus, which was uncharacteristic for him. At 42, he was healthy, with no preexisting conditions, and he even had an elliptical machine in his sefarim room, where he worked as a sofer and learned for many hours every day. An incredible talmid chacham and baal middos, he lived with exemplary emunah all his days and he wasn’t usually concerned about the goings on in this world. But as soon as he learned that COVID had hit China, he said to me, “I don’t like the way this sounds, this concerns me.” I’m a big naturalist. We don’t use bleach, only natural, organic stuff. But he asked me then to use antibacterial soaps and detergent. I humored him and made those changes, but he took it very seriously. It was still in China when he was talking about it. My husband did everything he could

have done, yet he contracted the virus and passed away. When we went into the coronavirus ward to see him in his final moments, we had to cover up with layers and layers, but I found that ironic. We so have no power over this. To me, what COVID did most was to help me understand more deeply that there’s an Olam Ha’emes. Everything has a cheshbon. At Rabbi Abraham J. Twerski’s levayah, there were no hespedim. All he asked was that the crowd should sing the song he had composed, “Hoshia es amecha…” The great Rabbi Twerski knew what was going on in this world. With all his years of counseling, he knew of what people were going through. What he wanted to leave us with was the message of “We don’t know anything. As much as we think we know, we don’t. There is a Master Plan.” As long as we’re here, we get to live life one day at a time. These days, I’m in touch with a

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lot of young almanos who lost their husbands around the same time. My husband’s yahrzeit is coming up on 5 Nissan, and many others follow over the next few days. Being an almanah is an otherworldly experience. “Haysah k’almanah,” the Torah says of the ultimate mourning. I’ve been treated to a smorgasbord of pains in my life, but this is something else. It’s the loss of something very special, something very deep, but we almanos strengthen each other. We call each other all the time, strengthening our belief that this pain is not for nothing. Our own pain, and those of the people around us, is part of the Plan right now. Since the passing of my husband, I’ve seen hashgachah pratis in a way I’ve never seen before. We know that when there’s peace in a marriage, the Shechinah rests in the home. The Zohar tells us that when the husband dies, what happens to the Shechinah? The Shechinah takes over the kesubah. It’s as if the widow is now married to Hashem, kavyachol. She becomes Mrs. Hashem. I didn’t understand this when I first heard it. I felt Hashem in my life before. But over time, I’ve started to notice how the hashgachah in my life is especially clear. This past winter, I ordered a new couch. Since we live on the third floor, it would have been almost impossible for me to drag down the old couch downstairs, so I paid the workers $100 and asked them to take it to the curb. I came down a few hours later and found the couch in the middle of the street. So I started shlepping it myself. But it was heavy! In my head, I heard my late husband saying, “Perl, I’m begging you, don’t shlep.” I felt so alone, at a loss. I needed a miracle. I closed my eyes and counted till ten. When I

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opened my eyes, right there in front of me was a delivery guy with a bicycle. “How much would you charge to take this to corner?” I asked him. “Ten dollars.” And he took it for me. Seeing how Hakadosh Baruch Hu is at my side, and how He’s always been there, is the ultimate comfort. So how has my life changed since COVID? The reality of my vulnerability is stark. I’m deeply aware of how little we know, and also how tremendous Klal Yisrael is. The amount of help I’m getting from people, so many resources, it’s awe-inspiring. Hashem has blessed our family with so much good. In the one year before my husband passed away, we celebrated so many simchos together, welcoming twin grandchildren into the fami-

time he goes to the bathroom and cries. “I miss Totty much more in cheder,” he says. And I tell him, “A Yid should never cry alone.” My heart goes out to him, but then I remember that Hashem loves him more than I do. I got him more support in school; it’s a team effort to make this work. I tell myself all the time, “Pain is from Hashem, but suffering is optional.” Yes, Hashem runs the world, but it’s my job to accept what He sends my way and live my best life. I hired a cook, as well as help for the kids. We’ve painted together and done fun stuff as a family. I do whatever I can to make their world a bright place, to bring joy and simchah into our life in every way possible. What do we know about life in this

In my head, I heard my late husband saying, “Perl, I’m begging you, don’t shlep.”

ly, and marrying off our own set of twins. There’s so much berachah! In the moments when I feel this clearly, I’m so comforted. When I looked at my children right after my husband passed away, my heart tore for them. But the emunah I have that however much they’re suffering is what Hashem wants from them is what keeps me going. Hashem loves them much more than I love them. My son tells me that during recess

world? In all this darkness, we’ve become an exquisite people. Our Rebbe, Rav Mottel Silber shlita of Stutchin, recently spoke at a conference on technology. And he said that as much darkness as there is, that’s how great the potential is for light. As much tumah as there is, that’s how easy it is access kedushah. This is what I’m seeing. People are looking for Hashem and finding Him. We are the most beautiful human beings.

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FROM MOTHER TO DAUGHTER

Her Legacy

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What I learned from my most influential teacher Compiled By Shiffy Friedman Pesach is a time when we celebrate our rich heritage, the legacy of a fledgling nation that has been spanning centuries. Our Pesach traditions highlight the value we place on a mesorah that has been passed from father to son, mother to daughter, for millennia. On the Yom Tov of v’higadeta l’vincha, when family becomes a central focus, we can take a moment to appreciate the gift that is our parents. Their deeds, words, and gestures shape who we are today. Even when we’re already adults, our parents remain an integral influence in our lives. Our well-being is profoundly impacted by our childhood environment and the love, care, and guidance we received.

Even an individual who notices what she was lacking in childhood can, as an adult, acknowledge her parents’ humanness and thus appreciate what she did receive. In fact, this is an integral component in emotional wellbeing, one that enables an adult child to thrive. In this feature, we celebrate the gift that is our mother. From when she carries her precious child in her womb, a mother and her child are eternally connected, the maternal bond strengthening with time. From her mother, a child receives the warmth and wise guidance to blossom and grow. The child learns so much just from being in her mother’s presence, both through osmosis and from her instruction. She learns from what she says, and from what she doesn’t say. From how to settle an argument to scrub a pot to invest in marriage, it’s her mother who serves as her most prominent teacher. Here, 39 women answer the question: What have you learned from your mother? Some responses are heartwarming, others light, and yet others painful, but all inspire us to appreciate what we have and to remind those blessed with motherhood to pass a legacy rich with kindness, love, and laughter forward.

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Don’t Say That! When I was about five or six years old I used the word “weirdo” (or was it neb?) to describe someone to my mother. Her genuine horror and shock left such a deep impression on me. The gadlus of it was that her response was so real, not the type of reaction that one does for chinuch purposes, or because they are embarrassed that their child uses such language. I still get the shivers today when I remember her reaction. I don’t think I’ve ever used such words to describe anyone ever again even, in my own head.

Tehilla, 28 Baltimore, Maryland

Keep Your Word One of the most important things to my mother is that when you say you will do something, you do it. She teaches this to us by example. Whenever she says she will take care of something, it happens. And if it can’t happen right away, she’ll tell us, “I may need a few days to take care of this.” And then it will get taken care of. And, when we were growing up, she had the same expectation for us. There was no such thing that if we were asked to run an errand, it didn’t happen. I thought this was the norm until I was old enough to go to friends’ houses and I realized that someone would ask another person to do something and it wouldn’t happen.

Aidel, 24 Los Angeles, California

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Breathe First I learned from my mother that when kids make a huge mess or do something naughty, take a deep breath, snap a picture, and then address the situation. I actually love the idea because it helps me keep my cool. By the time I finish taking the picture, the initial anger has worn off. Also, as much as you think you’ll remember this forever, you won’t, and looking back at the picture is really funny and nostalgic.

Miriam, 29 Kiryat Sefer

Do It Now “Why do it soon if it can be done right now?!” My mother never postpones anything for later. Grandchildren’s headbands, pacifiers, gloves, etc., that were left behind get dropped off at their respective homes within a few minutes after any party in her house. Return cards get mailed out the day invitations arrive.

Breina, 31 Jerusalem, Israel

Wipe It This Way I remembered my mother teaching me how to wipe down a counter. She taught this to me when I was a teenager, and we were starting to help clean up the kitchen at night: Do it every night before you sweep the floor so that crumbs that fall off won’t necessitate another sweeping. Spray soap and water, then scrub with a sponge, especially near the stove.

Be Nice, Be Nice

Wash down again with plain water. Something interesting I learned from my mom is that when we’re at the airport (or any public place) to be calm and talk nicely to the curt agents at the desk weighing in the suitcases. She showed us time and again (we travel often) how that changed their attitude to us too.

Finally and essentially, wipe dry with a paper towel so that no streak marks remain.

Peri, 34 Stamford Hill, London

Reva, 19 Lakewood, New Jersey

Anything for Peace Just Like You

“It’s worth it to go the extra mile for shalom.”

I tell her all the time, “When I grow up, I want to be just like you.” I hope one day I can be even half the person my mother is.

My mother never makes a fuss or fight even if someone rips her off or overcharges. She says it’s worth the money to have peace. I don’t always succeed but I certainly try have that in mind and apply it to my own life. With friends and family too she’s so forgiving and fargins everyone. That’s one of the very many things I’ve learned from her.

Rochel, 33 Monsey, New York

Brocha, 25 Jerusalem, Israel

My mother is my role model. She’s constantly trying and striving to do better, whether in tzniyus, davening, connection to Hashem, and in her emunah.

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Respect Your Elders The respect my mother showed for my grandparents, not only her own parents but also her in-laws, is her greatest lesson to me. Whenever her in-laws would come to us for Shabbos, she would give up her bedroom for them (we didn’t have an extra guest room), and my parents would sleep in one of the kids’ rooms instead. My grandmother was a critical woman, but I never heard my mother speak negatively of her or complain about her. I didn’t feel any resentment in the care she gave her parents and in-laws, only happiness and a sense of gratitude that she was able to fulfill this mitzvah. She called them on the phone all the time and visited as often as she could. Whenever we kids would complain about our grandparents, she wouldn’t just chide us for doing so. She would tell us that she understood what was hard for us and ask how she could make the mitzvah more special and enjoyable for us. We got a lot of treats when they came!

Spend What You Have My mother taught me what it means to only spend what you have. Even when others in our circle are making more extravagant simchos or wearing certain clothes, my mother is perfectly content with what she can afford. She’ll compliment others for what they have, but she will never spend beyond her means. As a kollel family, this has helped me stay afloat even when finances are tight. I don’t feel deprived or lacking, even if my friends and peers have more.

Bruchy, 32 Monsey, New York

Date Night

Today, my mother is reaping the rewards with her own children. We fight over who can host her for Shabbos.

My parents gave over major fundamentals on shalom bayis and chinuch. Once a week, they had a date night. They left us home with a babysitter—only hiring ones we liked—and they let them give us something special that we wouldn’t usually get before bed. But this instilled in us the idea that their relationship was most important. I feel it made us feel secure to know this.

Perel, 36 Montreal, Quebec

Racheli, 27 Edison, New Jersey

Long Stretch One thing I learned from my mother is to feed your newborn often (every 2–2.5 hours) during the day and then you might be lucky to have a long stretch at night. I’ve tried it with many of my kids and it works well for me.

Chaya, 31 Neve Yaakov

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Just Do It

Our Rock

I learned from my mother that doing a job imperfectly is better than not doing it at all. This is an especially important lesson for me, as a perfectionist. Take cleaning up at the end of the day. I’d rather head to bed with a dirty kitchen because I don’t have energy to mop and wipe the closets down. But there is value in giving it those two haphazard minutes to clear the counters. The same goes for changing the linen. Instead of postponing it because I need to iron the new set perfectly, I learned from her that having fresh linen, even if it’s not perfectly ironed, is better than the alternative. Another example is getting my degree. I kept pushing off taking tests because I wanted to uphold my 4.00 GPA. But my mother made me realize it would either be no BA, with my GPA intact, or just switching my goal to “Get it done. Pass the tests.” That’s how I was finally able to go ahead with it. I know people who have done construction on their homes and have then lived without painted walls or basic appliances because they couldn’t afford the brand names they wanted. So 15 years later, they are still waiting to have the money, instead of buying what they could afford then. My mother’s message was not, “Do an imperfect job and it’s okay.” But, when the alternative (perfection) is stopping the job from happening, face it and figure out how you could do it.

My mother taught me to live with emunah. My younger brother was stricken with cancer, and until his passing—and beyond—she was the rock for our family. Most important of all, she taught us that being sad and feeling truly pained is not a contradiction to believing that this is for our best. Today, when I hear people say things like, “Did you see her emunah? She didn’t shed a tear,” it irks me to no end. My mother cried a lot, but we didn’t feel afraid when she did that because we intuitively felt that she was accepting the situation just as it was.

Hindie, 33 Brooklyn, New York

Tobi, 22 Brooklyn, New York

She Did Hers Watching my mother relate with such respect to my father even when he didn’t reciprocate has taught me so much. She never spoke to us about it, but it amazed me, even as a young teen, to see how she kept doing hers, speaking kindly and showing respect. Now, as they’re aging, I’m watching him come around and it’s the most beautiful thing. She is my hero.

Sarah, 42 Brooklyn, New York

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An Only Child

Always Kindly

My mother made each of us 12 kids feel like an only child. She taught me that it’s not enough to say, “I love you.” You need to show it too. She would take us out of school for lunch dates and had mandatory “mental health days” for each of us, where she would take us out for the day and spend quality time together. She also has a personalized song she would compose for every kid about how much she loves them. I do the same for my kids, not because my mother told me to, but because it meant so much to me as a child and I want my children to feel loved and secure as well.

My parents divorced when I was a young child. It’s been years, but I still remember how my mother always spoke kindly of and to my father and when I would complain about having to go to him, she was so kind and understanding, but not negative or encouraging a distance. Looking back, I realize how hard it must have been for her. She could have harped on how she had been mistreated, but she chose to move on. I’m awed at her strength and wisdom. I miss her!

Rochel, 28 Ohio, Cincinnati

Leah, 38 Passaic, New Jersey

Memories of My Special Mother My mother cultivated a sensitivity to others in us. She always made us stop to think about how our actions would affect others. When I was going into first grade, we went shopping for a new briefcase. I had my heart set on one that was rather pricey. But then she wondered out loud whether, although we baruch Hashem had the money for that, maybe other girls in my class didn’t, and when they would see my briefcase, they’d be jealous. She just floated the idea, didn’t preach or pressure, and ultimately left the decision up to me. I can still remember her pride when I chose the simpler one. She passed away when I was nine. It’s amazing how I don’t remember anything practical that she taught me, but I can think of countless examples like these that made such a strong impression on me. I try to always keep this in mind in my own mothering. It’s not what we actively teach our children, it’s what we value and deeply believe in that gets imparted to them. Also when we actively work on ourselves to be better people, our children pick up on it, either consciously or subconsciously and they learn that it is okay to have faults, as long as we know what they are and we keep working to be better. Oh, and she was far, far being a rebbetzin. She was a normal, regular person like you and me. (Thanks for this question. It brought up many good memories that I didn’t even know I still had!)

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I’ve never been a health nut, and I don’t intend on becoming one.

But I want to feed my kids the kinds of foods that will support their development.

We get you. WELLSPRING / NISSAN 5781

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Just As You Are

Fresh Start

It’s hard to choose one thing my mother taught me because the lessons are way beyond the scope of one short response. My mother is an incredibly intellectual, wise, and talented woman yet she chose to throw herself entirely into her motherhood with such love and patience. I only learned when I was older (and I still don’t know about all of it) how many job offers she turned down and how she bent over backwards just to spend more time with us and be there for us as much as was possible. And oh, how we felt it! She gave us so much of her time, so much of her attention. And she cared about us so deeply. When I entered my teenage years and heard girls complain about their weight, I suddenly noticed for the first time in my life that the exterior could mean so much to some people. To me, it was the insides that counted. My mother always told us how beautiful we were, and that it was our neshamah that made us special. We believed her, because she really meant it. When one of my older brothers abandoned Yiddishkeit and caused her great pain, she showed him just as much love as for the rest of us. The way she spoke to him with such patience and love, the way she spoke of him with respect and understanding, is still seared into my memory. Even though I was still young at the time, it subconsciously reiterated for me how much each of us mattered to her, how unconditional her love was for all of us.

Shaindel, 29 Jackson, New Jersey

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My mother always makes sure the kitchen is tidy before going to bed so that her kids will start off their day coming down to a clean and tidy kitchen. She also showed us how healthy food can be so beautiful and delicious.

Michal, 23 Wesley Hills, New York

With You I learned from my mother to feel with and for people, whatever they are going through. My mother is the type of person who will always send something over to anyone who makes a simchah or to someone who has experienced a loss, r”l. They will always be treated with a platter of cheese miniatures, some delicious homemade cookies, or chocolate mousse. She also sends care packages to my grandmother’s elderly friends when they are lonely. If she knows someone is hosting a sheva berachos for their sibling or someone, she will offer to help. This is all without fanfare. Very often, even we kids wouldn’t know that she was doing it. Interestingly enough, sometimes my mother would bake a specific thing and send it over to someone. When I would ask her why she did that, she would say, “Because she really likes these biscuits.” I can’t really emulate her all the way, but often I will send something to my neighbors for no reason or send my siblings who live nearby something for Shabbos. It’s my little way of emulating my mother.

Toby, 21 Jerusalem, Israel

My father was diagnosed with diabetes at age 42. His father succumbed to that same silent killer at the age of 65.

I want to know more about how to take care of my body.

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No Calls My mother never called my father during his nightly “shul time.” He was out for his daf yomi shiur every night since I can remember, from 8:00 until 10:00, and not once did my mother ever pick up the phone to call him during that time. Not “just before they start” or “he must be finished already, and I need him to pick something up on his way home…” Never. It made no difference what was going on, from when he walked out the door until he walked back in, he was unreachable. As a child, I never thought much of it. I just knew to never call him at shul. But now that I have a family of my own, I see what a sacrifice it was! While I wish I could say I have never called my husband while he was out to learn, I definitely think twice about how important my call is, and I am so grateful for that subconscious message in chashivus for uninterrupted learning.

Ultimate Kindness I learned the true meaning of chessed and kindness from my mother. Every day, for more than 25 years, a woman with mental health difficulties has been calling my mother to chat. And every day, with the same excitement and energy, she picks up the phone to schmooze with her. Never with a groan or moan and never making the woman feel bad or not wanted. She keeps doing this without getting any appreciation or acknowledgement.

Chaya, 23 Far Rockaway, Queens

Humming a Tune My mother brought so much joy into the home! She never failed to make a big deal of every Yom Tov and even Shabbos. We were always getting special treats or preparing a fun activity together. And she loved to sing. (She still does!) She would wake us up with a song, put us to sleep with a song. She prepared Shabbos foods with a song and bathed us with a song. Our home was such a happy place.

Hadassah, 26 Monsey, New York

Bruchy, 23 Monsey, New York

Gut Chodesh! I learned from my mother to make Jewish occasions, particularly Rosh Chodesh, into a special event, thereby making Yiddishkeit exciting. Every Rosh Chodesh was a nice opportunity to buy treats and nice drinks and have an upgraded lunch and supper.

Nechama, 24 Jerusalem, Israel 292

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I know that health is not only about the foods I eat.

It’s also about being calm, content, at peace. How do I get there?

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Stop and Listen I remember that when my mother would be washing dishes and we wanted to tell her something, she would turn off the water, turn around to face us, make eye contact and listen. This could have happened a dozen times because she had four or five teenage girls at once. No matter how silly what we wanted to share was, she did it time and again. This left a deep impression on me and now as a mother it means even more to me. She knew that when a child, especially a teen, wants to share something, the opportunity must be grabbed.

Hudi, 33 Toronto, Ontario

Lifelong Learner My mother is actually taking a parenting course with me now! She’s that kind of person, and she’s been teaching me so much. My mother never shied away from acknowledging that she’s human, that she makes mistakes, that she’s still learning. I remember that when she would get angry and scream (which didn’t happen too often), she would tell us afterward, “It bothers me that I spoke like that to you. I listened to my yetzer hara and I’m sorry.” We learned from her to own up to our mistakes and also to embrace our humanness. We never felt afraid to share with her about our own frailties because we knew she would get us—and she still does.

Henny, 31 Monsey, New York

What I Did Learn I’ll be honest and say there are many things my mother did that I would not want to do in my own home. I often think that she taught me by example—what not to do. Now, as an adult, I realize that she did her best with the tools she had, but my childhood was less than ideal, to say the least. Still, this question is making me think of the positive things I’ve learned from her. And so, I’ll say that she really taught me a lot about the technical parts of running a home. My friends in seminary could not believe how perfectly I did my laundry, and my home today is very tidy and organized. It’s definitely thanks to her that I can manage that.

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Why do I feel so lethargic? I’m always counting down to when I can go to sleep again.

What can I do to pump myself with good energy?

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Mom Masseuse I learned how much a good massage can do for a child. My mother was great at that!

Esther, 29 Chicago, Illinois

Favorite Sight Whenever the house would become messed up from our regular day-to-day life (which happened more often than not!) my mother would say, “Thank you, Hashem, for this mess. Thank you, Hashem, that I have children who are making this mess, and that I’m here to see it.” She would tell us of how many women she knows who would love to have a family like ours, or women who would love to be home with their kids but are in the hospital. “And I’m so lucky that I can be your mother!”

Through Thick and Thin My mother has always been there for me for everything. No matter what issues I had during high school, problems with friends, studies, and teenage anxieties, my mother was my best friend and support no matter what. I could talk things through with her and she would listen and empathize and help me get through. As an adult with a family, I don’t share everything with my mother in the same way, but she can always sense when I’m having a hard time, and even if I need space and don’t ask for help, she will make sure I know she is there and that she cares. Now that I have my own teens, and they often need to pour their hearts out about things that are going on in their lives, I really try to prioritize giving them that time, attention, empathy, and listening ear. They know they can talk to me about anything and that I will be their cheerleader.

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She made us feel so special, so loved, so appreciated. Today, when my kids are baruch Hashem the ones making the messes, I feel so grateful.

Chani, 28 Chestnut Ridge, New York

No Expectations When I got engaged, I asked my mother how she gets along with her mother-in-law so well (they have a close relationship). My mother answered, “If you don’t have any expectations of your mother-in-law, you’ll be okay with her.” Every time I hear my friends complain that their mom-inlaw didn’t invite them for supper, meals, didn’t offer to babysit, etc., this piece of advice comes to mind. It reminds me how much angst I save myself from.

I learned how to be that kind of mother from my mother.

My mother-in-law is wonderful in many ways, but not very giving when it comes to physical gifts and hands-on help. I have no complaints because I have no expectations. I love her and admire her for who she is.

Meira, 37 Jerusalem, Israel

Miriam, 25 Lakewood, New Jersey

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Space for Others Growing up, we lived next door to a family that was not only annoying to us children but sometimes downright rude. Looking back today, I recognize the sheer dysfunction that permeated that home, but this piece is not about them. It’s about my mother, who exemplifies the “forgive and forget” mantra. The kids from that family were constantly, constantly coming over to play at our house. While their mother appeared put together and fully functional, even keeping down a career outside the home, at home she was miserable, depressed, and constantly snapping at the kids. And so, craving the stability and joy that my mother radiated, they gravitated to our place. We would sometimes joke that we have twelve siblings, not six. My mother served them nourishing meals and schmoozed with them about their day without ever getting even a whisper of a thank you from their mother. Even worse, she would sometimes send messages with the kids to let her know that she wasn’t keen on certain things we were doing in our home, such as eating a snack before dinner. I would be appalled if someone treated me that way, but my mother kept doing her favors, being kind to her and her family. Every now and then, I would hear my parents discuss how to deal with the neighbors in a way that my mother wouldn’t get resentful. There were times when we didn’t open the door for them and other times when my mother would intervene in an argument between us and them. She didn’t just let herself or us be the doormats. She acknowledged her humanness but also pushed herself to do what she thought was right. I remember once complaining that their kids were coming too often. My mother sat down with me and heard me out in silence. She acknowledged that this was difficult, that it wasn’t always comfortable. Then she started a discussion about how privileged we were to have what we had (I was mature enough to realize their lack and our stability) and asked, “What do you think of sharing from our yummy house with them for just an hour?” She let it be my own decision, to come to my own choice of wanting this.

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Not a Topic In my childhood home, we never spoke about people. Period. Not good, not bad. People were just not a topic of discussion. And I thought that was the norm— until I grew up and starting hearing people talking about… people.

At the same time, my mother protected us fiercely. If ever a child from their family hurt us in any way for no reason, she would kindly lead him toward the door. In our home, we felt safe and secure, but we also learned to make space in our lives for others less fortunate than us. Even after this family moved away from our neighborhood, my mother kept in touch with them and sent them care packages from time to time. In my own marriage, whenever I’m tempted to sulk and have a pity party, I think of my mother. She never lets fights and arguments marinate, always seeking to move on and find the good.

If we’d ever come to my mother to tattle on a sibling, unless that sibling hurt us and she needed to intervene, she would remind us that “speaking lashon hara is a worse than taking chocolate/touching the cake…” Whenever relevant, she would remind us to share information without mentioning the name of the guilty party. And she practices what she preaches. I’ve never heard her speak negatively about anyone, ever. We end up having more fulfilling, meaningful conversations as a result, and a greater appreciation and respect for people, in general.

Raizy, 28 Airmont, New York

Bassi, 20 Brooklyn, New York

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One-Room Apartment We’re the family who grew up in a one-room apartment—with 12 kids. My parents were both Holocaust survivors who built a life for themselves in Eretz Yisrael after the war. With the horrors of the Shoah always a backdrop in our life, my mother worked hard to give us a happy childhood. We lived with so little, on the meager earnings my father brought in, but she was always thanking Hashem. My father, having gone through what he went through, was a bitter man, but my mother was the sunshine in our life. For every little thing, she thanked Hashem. As she would cut up an orange for our Shabbos treat, she showed us the colors, the juice. She would kiss me on my forehead and say, “Hakadosh Baruch Hu, how was I zocheh to have such a special meideleh like Minala?”

Mina, 72 Brooklyn, New York

Treat Them With Dignity

Turn Up the Volume My mom either used to put on music or listen to a shiur while cleaning. It makes the chores you hate doing so much more tolerable! On Friday nights, we all used to sing together while cleaning up from the seudah and washing the dishes. Honestly, it’s something I still miss!

Fraidy, 25 Brooklyn, New York

No One Like You I believe my response will be unique as the woman I call my mother is not the one who physically birthed me. Having lost my birth mother when I was still a toddler, my father remarried a woman whose kindness and selflessness have enabled me to live a life rich with joy and stability.

In my childhood home, my father was the king. Everything was about Dad. My husband is very lucky that I learned by example! I believe it’s in my mother’s zechus of having such kavod habriyos that she merited to have only frum grandchildren who live according to Torah.

My parents went on to have a large family together and I have always been made to feel a part of it. In fact, it is my mother who taught me to celebrate my uniqueness in a way that I can feel good about myself while still feeling a part of an entity. She encouraged self-expression, but she never forced it upon us. As a simple example, when it came to Purim costumes, she encouraged us to choose what each of us fancied that year, but when we asked to do something as a family, with a theme, she was excited to bring it all together for us. On a deeper level, she often told us how each of us is unique in our own way, with our own purpose in this world, and she lived with that belief. I never in my life heard her compare one child to another. Most of my siblings have developed their specific talent over the years, and not because she forced us to but because it naturally emerged under her loving care. I believe that this eliminated a lot of sibling rivalry and built our confidence and our appreciation for one another.

Becca, 39 Baltimore, Maryland

Leahla, 30 Toms River, New Jersey

I didn’t grow up frum, and I’ve learned from many inspiring Yidden along my journey, but I still consider my mother my primary teacher. The values she imbued in me guide me to this day. By and large, my mother taught by example. She isn’t much of a talker, but she treats every human being with such respect and dignity. In her presence, you just feel valued, even if she doesn’t necessarily agree with you on the topic you’re discussing. (That’s how I felt when I was becoming frum and she was finding the change hard. Baruch Hashem, she came around.)

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MAKING A GOOD MARRIAGE BETTER

Making a Good Marriage Better A few minutes with

Rabbi Yitzchok Hersh Binet By Libby Silberman

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Ever heard of a fix-it guy who repairs things that aren’t broken? Of course not. Why would you want to fix something’s that’s working just fine? Well, neither had I, until I heard of Masoires, the fix-it group that makes good things even better. Masoires is a unique venture that has recently put their flag up on the Jewish map. Here, heimish marriage expert and Masoires founder and director Rabbi Yitzchok Hersh Binet answers questions about his newest undertaking.

Can you tell us what Masoires is all about? As you mentioned in your introduction, when something is broken, you fix it. If there’s any kind of issue in a marriage, our community boasts many rabbanim, therapists, mentors, and counselors to help fix the issue. Our world has achieved a lot in helping marriages, especially in the mental health arena.

explicitly, “Lo tov l’hiyos adam levado—It’s not good for man to live alone.” Therefore, we establish that it’s good for one to be married. Marriage is in itself a good thing, but the marriage also needs to be tov, good. You don’t fight with your spouse? Okay, but that doesn’t mean it’s great yet. There’s way more to married life than that. A husband and wife can be cruising on parallel roads, but that’s far from a good marriage.

Here at Masoires, we do something else altogether. We take an okay marriage, with healthy spouses, and enhance it. We help couples realize how much more “married” they can be to each other.

At Masoires, we see how each couple can take their shalom bayis and acquire the level of the berachos we wish upon them during their sheva berachos: “Gilah rinah ditzah v’chedvah ahavah v’achvah shalom v’reiyus.”

Sounds interesting. Can you expand on that?

Of course, people still hit bumps in their married journeys. Couples disagree about many things much of the time, and that’s perfectly normal.

Marriage doesn’t merely serve technical purposes. The Torah states

But, if a couple would work on different aspects of their marriage, the

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issues that are up for debate wouldn’t cause so much stress on the marriage, however temporary they may be.

Can you give an example of a bump a couple might hit? Let’s say a couple is at an impasse regarding spending. They have only $1,000 to spend and each one wants to spend it on something else. They start discussing it. Each one explains his or her needs. In lower-functioning marriages, the argument may turn ugly, leading to shaming, blaming, and naming. One party may feel unable to express their wishes and is left feeling unheard. This can become a source of contention between the couple for a few days, even weeks. Masoires helps the couple streamline such conversations so they don’t have to be a powder keg headed for explosion. Furthermore, Masoires helps the couple work out disagreements between themselves, without dragging in the rest of their families. Our focus is not to help the couple get through one particular hurdle but to gain an understanding and tools that will help them in the long term. An entrepreneur who makes 200k a year will not rest on his laurels comfortably. He will actively seek ways to increase his revenue to 250k, correct? Otherwise, he’s not a real businessman. On the other hand, most marriages do stay stuck at a minimum level of functioning. Marriage can be so much richer and fuller, physically, spiritually, and emotionally.

I believe that this comes from a place of despair. A couple gets married with high expectations of each other. Slowly, as reality sets in, natures emerge. Each spouse gets to know the other, real side of their mate. They feel like it’s a simple equation of he + she = our marriage. The way it is, is the way it will remain. They think this way simply because they don’t know better. There were no resources up until now to tell the couple

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When we give couples the proper education and tools, they can get to a higher level of shalom bayis. Instead of making “shalom” with the situation, we help them make “shalom bayis.”

How do you help people learn this? We do one-on-one coaching (in the office, and virtually or over the telephone), teleconferences, courses for couples and men (via telephone and online), group sessions, and live courses. We also post content on our free hotline, which has been very well received.

You don’t fight with your spouse? Okay, but that doesn’t mean it’s great yet. There’s way more to married life than that.

Why do you believe most marriages stay stuck on a low level?

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how much more they could have.

Can you give us an example of a reality in married life that you can help a couple with? Let’s look at a couple who feels that their married life consists of technical responsibilities and a dry relationship. It’s a general example but it’s a typical example. It happens every day. One of our mentors then sits with the husband and discusses his attitude to his wife, and how he can amplify their marriage. His marriage will usually dramatically; it gains the glow he was seeking.

What about finances, as you mentioned above? How would Masoires help them with that issue? Money and relationships. People confuse the two a lot.

Relationships will not solve problems but will play a role in how the couple gets through them. For example, a couple is struggling with a lack of resources. The most amazing relationship is not going to fill up the empty coffers, and their technical problem won’t be solved by good communication. The couple will have to work out a practical solution to help themselves, either by increasing their income or decreasing their expenses somehow. On our end, however, we can help out with the relationship. In every relationship matter, there are three Rs to consider.

What are they?

have been in the field for many years.

Respect, respect, and respect. First, you must respect the other as a person, a thinking, intelligent human being. Second, respect the other’s opinion. Understand that the other person’s opinion is legitimate, even if you entirely disagree. We can all admit that sometimes we call things green, and in reality, they are blue. Understand that just like you have a perspective, even if you are backed up by scientific evidence, the other’s opinion and feelings on the matter are as rational as yours. And third, respect the relationship. This R is key. In an argument, you may respect the other person as a person, and even respect their opinion, but on that particular matter, you feel that you are 100 percent correct. This R focuses on realizing that your relationship with your spouse is the most important aspect in any discussion. Therefore, you will work on finding a way of making things work together, however hard it will be. If a relationship between a couple isn’t functioning on a high level, it can be hard for them to understand that in respecting a relationship, they will have to come up with plan of action together. There are no two ways about it.

If a couple say they never argue about anything, it’s probably a red flag. Only a couple with a relationship that is too weak to handle an argument will avoid one at all costs. It’s healthy, normal, and expected to debate things, even hotly. Very true. I’ll quote Reb Simcha Cohen here for another spot-on point. A couple’s relationship is centered not around what they do have, but around what they don’t have. In other words, challenges build the relationship. We can measure shalom bayis by how they can get through a challenge together.

Is Masoires a new organization? Yes, but we are staffed with rabbanim and mentors who

What would you say is the revolution of Masoires? Two things. We’ve touched upon both answers over the course of our conversation, so I’ll answer briefly. 1) We don’t fix what’s broken. Rather, we help good marriages get better. This is not an area that has received much focus on a communal level. It’s perfectly okay to talk shalom bayis without making a whole stigma out of it. Just like a businessman goes to speak with an advisor to learn how to maximize his income, there is no shame in learning more skills on enhancing one’s marriage. The fact that this is becoming a table topic is a pretty major breakthrough. 2) The other innovation is our approach. We teach shalom bayis from the essence, the neshamah. There are many tips out there on how to treat other people. These tips may help in the short term, but we work from a core perspective. We help the couple understand what each spouse seeks in the marriage. Each half seeks fulfillment of various emotional needs. Helping each half recognize how they can fulfill the other’s emotional needs helps them in the long term. Interestingly, as different as people are, human needs at the core are surprisingly similar, meaning there is a generalized way of learning about the makeup of a person. I strongly believe that with some hishtadlus, every healthy couple can learn the tools for a most fulfilling, satisfying, and joyful marriage.

Tell us about the results you’ve seen from your work at Masoires. It’s very encouraging to observe how couples achieve a new appreciation for each other, valuing their relationship, and investing in it. For the couple, the results of being “more married” are incredible. It gives the wife more energy in all areas of her life, whether with the kids, housekeeping, or at work, and she feels supported. The husband, too, is more b’simchah, more mindful in learning or at work. I like to say that my goal is to help couples achieve a second (better) marriage with their first spouse. Baruch Hashem, we’ve had great siyatta diShmaya to witness such developments by so many couples in our community.

The phone number for the Masoires hotline is 845-414-8046. Press option 5 for a preview of Rabbi Binet’s upcoming teleconference.

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chapter 10 Choosing the Menu

EE DOM FR

BYE, DIET. HELLO, LIFE. By Gila Glassberg, MS, RD, CDN

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At our Session Today: I show Adina how she can plan a menu based on her unique needs and tastes.

GILA: How was your week, Adina?

ADINA: My week was good. I feel that I’m moving forward. But sometimes, this all feels so confusing. Let’s say I tell myself that I “should” be exercising. I can’t tell if this is the voice of intuitive eating or diet culture. Like, is this what I really need now or do I want to put myself through the hard work because I must lose weight? And there’s a place in me that doesn’t want to let go of dieting.

GILA: That can be confusing when you’re starting out. It’s hard to say goodbye to diet culture messages from one minute to the next. Dieting has done so many things for you in your life. For many women, dieting is actually a bonding experience. Body bashing, complaining about one’s weight, berating one’s own food choices — it’s become a common conversation piece. It’s unfortunate, but it’s the reality. Dieting can fill an emotional void as well. It’s easier to feel really upset at yourself for eating a donut than to feel upset at yourself for screaming at your kids. On some level, we learn to transfer our pain from the lesser of two evils. This is mostly on a subconscious level but the more you pay attention to this, the more you will notice it. Dieting, for many people — however destructive — gives them a sense of structure and even control. It even gives a sense of predictability because when you’re on a diet, you become hyper-focused on your food, including planning each meal.

ADINA: I don’t know any other way to keep to a structured meal system.

GILA: Let’s talk about that today. First, let’s focus on general nutrition, keeping it really basic. Our diet requires adequate macro- and micronutrients. Macronutrients are protein, carbohydrates, and fats. Micronutrients are vitamins, minerals, and water. Consuming a variety from these groups increases the chances of consuming all the macro- and micronutrients we need. I like to make it simple: for a balanced meal, we have a protein, carbohydrate, fat, and a fruit or vegetable. When you’re choosing grains, keep in mind that whole grains are more nutrient-dense. This is not to say that you must always chose whole grains. This is more of a neutral understanding that when I choose whole grains over processed grains, I am getting more nutritional bang for my buck. During the refinement and processing, most of the fiber and vitamin B content are eliminated. In some of these products, they’re added back in; you still get a nutritional product because of that, but whole grain gives you more. If you are struggling with constipation, one of the recommendations is to make sure you’re consuming enough fiber. Consuming more whole grains is a good way to increase your fiber intake. However, fiber can have the opposite effect if inadequate amounts of fluids are consumed along with it.

ADINA: How much fluid is considered adequate?

GILA: Here is where we’re really paying attention to gentle nutrition, not in a diet culture way. I can’t tell you how much water to consume, but I could tell you that most people are hydrated with eight cups of water a day. (This includes water from coffee, tea, and foods high in water such as fruit.) You can track how much water you drink and how that affects your body, such as frequency of bowel movements, dry skin, and overall feelings of lethargy. Many people don’t realize that they just don’t drink enough water. I recommend finding the right water bottle for you. In our house, we love the Contigo water bottles that keep our drinks cold all day. Some people prefer room temperature.

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ONLY ONE INGREDIENT.

ADINA: Are certain macronutrients recommended over others?

GILA: When we’re so influenced by diet culture, we realize that we’re demonizing a lot of foods that actually have nutritional value. Let’s look at some protein sources: red meat, chicken, turkey, eggs, and fish. Red meat has a bad reputation because of its fat content. However, it’s a great source of Vitamin B12 and iron, among many other things. Many people consider eggs to be problematic due to their high cholesterol content. They are actually an excellent source of protein, iron and disease-fighting nutrients like lutein and zeaxanthin. Regarding fish — we all sing its praises but we do have to be careful with its mercury content. It’s a great source of omega-3 fatty acids, which has many health benefits including brain function as well as helping with mood.

Made of the finest, highest-quality hazelnuts and almonds, crushed and blanched for a smooth, creamy spread.

Roasted Blanched Hazelnut

Let’s plan a week in advance. Make a chart with seven days of the week and spaces for each food group, and start with filling them in with these proteins. Choose which proteins you want to have and when.

Roasted Almond

Next, you can pick your carbohydrates.

Heart.works

Roasted Blanched Almond

My point in telling you this conflicting information is to show you that all foods offer health benefits, but at the same time, most of them can be demonized as well. Our health is not based on one meal, one day, or even one month of eating. It is a combination of so many eating experiences and other factors.

For those with higher standards.™

SOY-FREE

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GLUTEN-FREE

Here’s where some meal prep may really come in handy. For example, you can prepare two basic carbs — quinoa and brown rice — at the beginning of the week and then have them on hand for when you need them. (See instructions in sidebar.) Alternatively, for easier carb options, you can try bread, wraps, corn, baby corn, canned beets, or taco shells. I know people struggle to prepare a vegetable because of the prep. I tell busy moms to buy big bags of checked lettuce and red cabbage, cherry tomatoes, and baby carrots. Always have these on hand. In a real pinch, I give this to my kids with some dressing and they’re good to go. With about 30–60 minutes of meal planning and prep, many dinners and lunches can be made for the week. I am not saying this isn’t work, but taking some time to do this takes a lot of the chaos and overwhelm out of the week.

GILA: The same goes for joyful movement. Take out your calendar and pencil in slots for exercise. I always say that ten minutes is better than zero minutes. Decide if you want to exercise alone or with a buddy — a spouse, child, or friend. Do you want to do classes online? Do you already like a certain activity or are you interested in trying something new?

ONLY ONE INGREDIENT.

Exercise has many health benefits not related to weight. Personally, I’ve been an avid gym-goer for four years and I have not noticed any weight changes. But I do see how it significantly impacts my mental and physical wellbeing. Food is a part of our life whether we like it or not and I promote loving it. Food can be fun to deal with. It’s not scary or mean. Realizing this is a baby-step process. I want you to notice that this is not the same as dieting. This is an intuitive process and I want you to work with me closely to tell me what feels good and what is starting to make you feel deprived again. Notice when you feel liberated and when you feel deprived, and let’s discuss this in our next session.

Made of the finest, highest-quality hazelnuts and almonds, crushed and blanched for a smooth, creamy spread.

Prepare-Ahead Carbs Preheat the oven to 350°F. Place two tins on the counter. In one, put one cup of uncooked quinoa, and in the other, one cup of brown rice. To both, add two cups of boiling water, a pinch of salt, and a bit of olive oil.

Cover and bake: quinoa needs 25 minutes and brown rice needs 50.

Roasted Blanched Hazelnut

Roasted Almond

Heart.works

Double the recipe if your family will need more. Add these carbohydrates to any meal including salads.

Roasted Blanched Almond

to be continued… Gila Glassberg is a master’s level registered dietitian and a certified intuitive eating counselor located in Woodmere, New York. She uses a non-diet, weight-neutral approach to help growth-oriented women break out of chronic dieting patterns, and regain clarity into what is really important to them. She can be contacted through her website: www.gilaglassberg.com, via email at gilaglassberg18@gmail.com, or via telephone at 570-878-3642. The name of her podcast is Get INTUIT with Gila. Gila accepts some insurances.

For those with higher standards.™

SOY-FREE

GLUTEN-FREE

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UNPLUGGED What Will Happen If I Go on a Social Media Diet? The Gains and Losses By Gitty Heiman

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our core. And if I don’t give myself a chance to meet these feelings inside, I’m basically floating through life, a feeling I’m all too familiar with. I hate it that I feel like an outsider looking in to my own life, like I’m experiencing all the beautiful parts in my life, including my own wedding, my daughters’ siddur parties, and even my son’s upsheren as if I’m watching them through a camera screen. I’m there, but I’m not really there. I’m not connected, but I wish I would be.

▶ DAY 1 You know how you come home from a workshop and you wonder why you wasted your time being there? And then there are those that you leave with your head spinning. So much to digest, so much to process. So the one I attended last night was of the latter. With my head still spinning, I want to put the inspiration into action. I want to pin it down with a commitment, see what it does for me. The topic of the workshop was vague, which kindled my curiosity. With a title too fluffy (and cliché) for my liking, I was wondering how I’d benefit from a class on “Connecting to Your Inner Self.” But I liked the presenter’s approach to life (and was desperately in the mood of airing out), so I went for it. Anyway, the workshop was certain-

ly eye-opening in many ways. It urged me to look into places in myself that I hadn’t paid attention to. But what hit me most from the presenter’s words was the following statement, one that I may prove or disprove with the new commitment I’ll be attempting for the next month: There may be nothing wrong with distracting yourself from your emotions, and go for it if it makes you happy, but if you want to hit the wall and really feel what’s going on inside of you, limiting access to those distractions, even temporarily, is an important first step. That was heavy. You know how there’s all this talk of actually facing our feelings in order for us to move past what’s keeping us stuck in life? So here she was saying that as long as we have all of these distractions going on for us, it’s highly improbable that we’d ever come close to getting to

Am I ready to give this a chance and see what happens when I limit my access to distractions? I think so. So what are my primary forms of escape? Food is a big one, for sure, though I’m quite disciplined on that end. I’ve had my fair share of chocolate and even stale Oreos when a low hit, but for the most part I stay out of the kitchen when I sense trouble. I believe my greatest distraction is technology usage. To be brutally honest here, I’m online way more than needed for my freelance work as a graphics designer. I know I’ve been spending an awful lot of time just browsing and scrolling and seeing and watching. Everything is kosher, make no mistake. But so much time, so much wasted time, and so much stuff going on in my head, stuff that’s cramming up my mind space, buzzing in my brain, urging me to want things I never thought I needed, and is just so… distracting. Stuff that serves as an instant soother, a numbing potion. It starts with a quick check here, another one there, and before I know it my morning or evening has been gobbled up by cyber-critters. Most of all, I see how my almost instinctive drive to reach for social media is detrimental to my presence. And so, I’m going to give this a try. For the next thirty days, I’m going on a social media strike. How’s that for a 30-day crash diet?

▶ DAY 2 How it is? Healthy would be a nice word, but I’m not feeling that just yet. It’s more like hard. Very hard. Here are the rules I set up for myself. For the next 30 days, bli neder:

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1. I will not log in to my Instagram account nor visit the site. 2. I will not visit any other social media sites. (Instagram was where I spent the most time.) Just two rules, that’s all. Let’s see what it’ll do for me. I know that I also spend a considerable amount of time checking the news—and some links— on frum sites, but I don’t want to cut everything out of my technology diet because I really want this to work until the end. Also, I’ve been off WhatsApp for a while now, which is why I haven’t included it in the rules. My hope is to mainly use technology to communicate, such as through email and text, and for my work.

▶ DAY 3 I keep refreshing the home page on the frum news site I’m allowing myself access to. Maybe something happened since five seconds ago? With social media, I was in for constant surprises, fast-paced action, all the time. Moving from one influencer’s stories to the next, that red circle triggered a flutter in my heart every time I saw it. This withdrawal process is no fun. With a website, things get boring for me. I want more. I need more. I feel like the color has been sucked out of my computer routine, and I’m forced to face the no-pomp graphics job that I’ve been postponing for a week now (which might not be a bad idea after all!). My other option is to take a step away from the computer and leave my phone in my pocket. That’s when I get to meet my other life. I’m finding this overwhelmingly difficult. Not so much because of my technical urge to scroll, see, explore. That too. I’m a curious girl. But also because I’m noticing this place that 310

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Everything is kosher, make no mistake. But so much time, so much wasted time, and so much stuff going on in my head.

it’s been filling for me. It sounds crazy that all it takes is three days, three days, to start feeling this… this void.

▶ DAY 4 I’m writing this on Motzaei Shabbos, after having returned from a Melaveh Malkah at my parents’ home. Purim is approaching and some of my sisters and sisters-in-law mentioned ideas that they saw on social media. I didn’t want to publicize my commitment so just got busy talking about other stuff that was relevant to me. Will I really be able to prepare for Purim without checking out people’s pages, browsing for ideas? What’s the “in” thing for mishloach manos this year? Will I be totally yesterday if I send what I think looks nice?

How was my Shabbos? This is the one day when I’ve obviously always been on a full-fledged technology break, which is why I didn’t expect this Shabbos to look any different. But it did. First, I had more time on Friday. I don’t work on Friday, so I usually found myself with quite a few pockets of time when I’d just “catch up” on my phone between putting up the cholent, setting the table, and getting the house ready for Shabbos while the kids are out in the morning. This week, I decided to daven Shacharis instead.

▶ DAY 6 The weirdest thing is happening to me. As the urge to keep checking Instagram is definitely subsiding and I find myself thinking less and less of the people whose lives I knew too much about, I’m finding myself to be famished. I generally eat healthfully, snacking here and there on a fruit or nuts, but somehow now this is not enough. Especially in the evening, I can be seriously ravenous. No kidding. What I’m realizing now is just how much I’ve been turning to social media as an outlet, not only as a way to let off steam or chill, but also to get away from feeling stuff that isn’t so pleasant. This morning, for example, my daughter was giving me a hard time with getting ready for school. She complained about her teachers, her classmates, the long day, everything. And of course, about me, that I’m making her rush and that I don’t care about her and all that stuff that’s so soothing for a mother’s heart. I ended up having to drive her to school because she had missed the carpool and all the way there I tried speaking gently to her. As soon as she left the car, I noticed how I had an urge to just get away from the whole thing.

It was all too much — the guilt, the regrets, the criticism. But now, my outlets were limited. Even though I had eaten breakfast right before I left the house with her, I was craving a chocolate Danish. I just wanted food. Yesterday in the evening, my husband got busy with a customer, and then he had this long phone conversation with his brother who lives in Canada. And I didn’t have my social media to escape to. I have a hard time expressing what I need, so instead of telling my husband that I want his company, I noticed how I’m just trying to escape, escape, escape. So what do I still need for Purim? I really have to get a head start on my Pesach shopping. And I also had one too many sour sticks, even if I’d brushed my teeth already. I feel that all of this is not right, but I’m proud that I didn’t break my commitment.

▶ DAY 10 Okay, so it’s starting not to feel like a diet anymore. It’s starting to feel like the new norm, except for those moments where I just want to take a tiny peek. There’s no denying that Instagram is a fun place to be. There’s so much color, so much happening. It can even be inspiring, productive. I’ve picked up some of my best recipes there, and I’ve gotten some food for thought from there too. But for me, I’m not a content creator. I’m just a consumer. And when I consume too much of it, it’s just not good. Even if I don’t care about the void that it’s filling for me, even if I’d say, “Who needs to face their feelings?” (which I am tempted to say!) there are other downsides to this habit. Here’s another thing. With most people on social media, I only get to see one side of their life. No matter how vulnerable and transparent they

try to be, I end up subconsciously feeling a pressure to raise the bars in my own life — and not in a good way. Whether it’s stressing out about my cooking or food presentation, or my marriage and parenting, I’m seeing too much and it’s just not good for me. During these 30 days, especially once I started noticing how those little pockets of time I’d been wasting add up to more than an hour a day, I try to do something constructive for about 30 minutes of downtime before I pick up my baby from the sitter. (I end up finishing my work a bit earlier.) Today, I listened to this shalom bayis shiur and the speaker really inspired me (Hashem knows what we need to hear when!). What she said was so simple, but so, so true. She quoted the passuk, “Chochmas

nashim bansa beisah,” and she asked why nashim is plural while beisah, her house, is singular. And she answered that what we women need to keep in mind is that all we have to do is build one home, my home. I can’t build it with what everyone is telling me, I can’t build it based on all the unrealistic expectations I’m receiving from everyone’s feeds. I have my life to build, my marriage to work on, and that’s mine for always. Without social media in my life, I can be more focused on that. I have less unrealistic expectations of myself or my husband. Maybe I’m not so in the know about the latest midwinter retreats or fabulous sales and stuff like that, but in either case, those are not helping me build my best marriage. It’s fascinating to watch my mind clear out from all those images of this one’s life

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and that one’s family. I want to be more present to what I have in my own home.

▶ DAY 19 I’m rereading the end of my last entry and laughing at my idealism there. I think people who never got into social media in the first place will have a hard time getting this, but there’s something so addictive about constantly having an alternate universe to escape to. (Don’t try it!) Now that I’ve taken a step away from that universe, inhabiting more of mine, I’m finding myself wanting things I never thought I needed. Not the clothes and shoes that I saw there, but something else. Stuff has been awakening inside of me. I’m definitely more edgy, even biting my lips more. Social media was like the sh! sh! sh! Quieting parts of me that I’ve never paid attention to. Having been off it 312

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for almost three weeks now, I’m feeling this weird kind of hunger. Like I need more. I suddenly have a craving to start a particular career, something I always knew I wanted but never felt so desperate for. But then I stop myself and wonder, one minute, is it really a career I want or is it what lies underneath? I suspect the latter. These are yearnings I haven’t paid attention to that are waking up now and roaring inside of me. I’m suddenly noticing stuff about my marriage that I’m really not happy about. I’m noticing the distance I feel, the loneliness. Where was I all these years? Or maybe it’s a better idea to just scurry back to my phone? This. Is. Hard. Stuff.

all the right things, like hot cocoa at the window, but then I find myself needing my own things. Like in such times, in the past, I would’ve given them dough for cookies and then scurried off to my phone. Today, I don’t have much scrolling to do. So does that mean I go back to the window and sit with them there? Why isn’t that exciting for me? I see that I feel a certain boredom when I’m with them, like what now?

▶ DAY 25

▶ DAY 28

We’re snowed in today! We have about three feet of snow outside and all four kids are home with me. I’m very good at setting them up with

Tonight, I called a friend that I hadn’t spoken to in about four months. I like connecting to people, and I hadn’t been doing a lot of that

The first two or three minutes is nice, but now what? What’s with me? I know I’m a good mother and I’m trying my best but what is blocking me from just enjoying my time together with them?

Or maybe it’s a better idea to just scurry back to my phone? This. Is. Hard. Stuff.

another to “spice up” my day, but this also requires me to meet myself more often, especially because I’ve decided not to take on other distractions in its place, like eating or shopping more. Will I be able to keep this up longterm? That’s a tough question, one that I have to explore more. I would love to hear from readers about how they’ve found a way to make this work. While I am more irritable—which often happens when we’re on a diet, probably because we feel the voids

in our life more, I find that I’ve been davening more, spending more time thinking about my life and where I’m headed. When the kids come home from school, I feel more available to them. I’m definitely making more eye contact, hearing them out until the end. As I’ve shared in some entries, this brings me to uncomfortable places too, places I would like to explore further. So yes, the presenter of that workshop was right. With every distraction that I take a step away from, I can take another step closer into my inner self.

over the past few years. But the more I think about it, the more this leads me to thinking about my marriage. I think that what this undertaking has done most for me is help me notice how distant I feel from my husband. We have a good marriage on paper, but I think it can be way better. And I won’t be so ignorant and say that I’m not to blame in some way. I want to work on making my marriage a priority and I believe that it will fill me in a way that nothing in the world can.

▶ DAY 30 Wow, I made it! I got to day 30 without breaking my commitment (except for one time when I just checked up a recipe and promptly exited the page). Wow. So how has it been? I’m definitely inhabiting my own space more, definitely feel more like I’m living my own life. To be honest, this is not easy. It takes real gevurah. I see how the dependence gets weaker and weaker with every passing day, and I do feel less compelled to just scroll through posts one after

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Of Meaningful Chats and Powerful Connection How Do We Get There?

By Faigie Zelcer

LinkUp was born out of conversations. Most times, these were in the late hours of the night, as I would sit in a conference room after having given a presentation about Penimi’s various programs. These were women from Los Angeles and New York and Chicago and England and South Africa. Wonderful women, growth-oriented and intelli314

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gent. And there was one central feeling that ran through so many of these conversations. Confusion. It’s easy to throw out a no. And it’s simple to say yes. But what about when the decisions are nuanced? “How can I make a decision about my use of various digital technologies when I don’t really understand what it might lead to?” one mother asked.

“Well,” I replied, “what values does this affect?” She looked at me, confused, and I explained. “Say you’re wondering about WhatsApp groups. You have a feeling it’s a bit out of control. You have a family group and a cousin’s group and a neighborhood group. There’s the hafrashas challah and Tehillim groups, and the weekly chizuk and the car pool.” “Ye-es.”

“So yes, there are obvious questions — is the content free of lashon hara and sensitive to the various members, for example. But then there’s the question of how it interplays with our value system.” “Like?” “Like, silence. Centeredness. If we’re constantly distracted by notifications or snippets of others’ lives and cute pictures or interesting articles, then where’s the space to just look inside? The real question is, how does it affect our inner self?” Just one tiny conversation. And another. And another. They began to add up. So did the questions: I know I don’t agree with the live-streaming of engagements, but how would I explain that to my kids? My neighbor keeps sending me pictures of her renovations. It’s making me feel uncomfortable, but I’m not sure why. I love interacting all the time with friends and family, so why do I feel like my relationships are growing more superficial? I’m constantly saying no to my kids, but I need to give them more than just, “It’s not for us.” What do I say? As the conversations unfolded, I realized that women needed a space and forum to examine what is really going on with digital technology engagement. That’s because these questions were not about apps or devices. They’re about relationships in today’s age. They’re about core values, like privacy and silence and identity. They’re about how we can get pulled away from who we really are and what we believe in. They’re about how we can transmit authentic Torah values to our children, finding effective and empowering words and ideas. Let me ask you a fundamental question. Who are you? What makes you, you? What makes me, me? Most of us, when asked the question of “Who are you?” will respond with our job, neighborhood, maiden name, the school or seminary we attended. We may say the number of children we have. Typically, we’re looking at something external. But how do we define ourselves independent of outside factors? What makes me, me? What is the most undiluted, concentrated, potent you? The Rambam explains that the most potent, undiluted, most essential part of each of us is the inner me. The penimiyus me. That’s a place of hopes and dreams, goals and aspirations, disappointments and private triumphs. It’s the place where that dormant potential sits and waits to be tapped into, and the place where the already realized potential flourishes. Your whole inner world.

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What environment do we need to bring that out of ourselves? What will threaten that inner I? Here’s just one small example of the way the “I” is being affected by the digital age. In today’s world, each person has become what researchers call a transmissive self. That means that our job description as a human being includes becoming an information traffic controller. Articles, health tips, opinion pieces, clips: all of these are passed on to us and our unspoken job is to pass them on to others. It’s almost like we’ve become human versions of computers, with their model of information in and information out. Input and Output. But what happens to the “I”? Our inner world blossoms when we stop and think, What does this mean to me? What does this teach me? What am I learning about myself? How does this help me grow me as a person? It’s the introspective self that is truly human; not just impulse, not just thoughtless action, but consciously shaping our lives through our choices and wishes and goals. And the move away from introspection takes away from our sense of self. What else is affected? How does that, in turn, impact my mothering? My ability to enter into a deep and satisfying relationship with my husband? The depth of my relationship with Hashem? Let’s make this more practical. Say, a person is reprimanded by their boss. In a society in which we’re constantly transmitting information, we hear the comment, feel something like upset or shame or anger, and fire off a message to whomever may be available. What happened to sitting with that comment? Examining it? What about it is right, and what about it is wrong? Is there a message here that I should be accepting or rejecting? How should I go forward? Can I reflect on it on my own? 316

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In today’s world, each person has become what researchers call a transmissive self. One of the goals in creating LinkUp, our women’s learning program, was to give women the ultimate luxury — time and space — to step back and listen to their inner voice. To examine the inner workings of their internal worlds, the culture in which we live, and the values that we hold dear. And then, to make conscious choices. And so, we assembled a team and gathered the latest research on happiness, relationships, silence — and more — in the digital age. We delved into Torah sources, relearning the depth of so many ideas we’ve always taken for granted. And we explored the things which hold us back from making wholesome, conscious decisions about the way with which we relate to digital technology. This is how LinkUp was born. LinkUp is adult women’s learning groups where friends get together with a facilitator to learn together and develop an approach to the digital age. In LinkUp we explore how to have a vibrant inner world and how to connect to everything that we hold dear, within the digital age. It’s a synthesis of deep Torah ideas that explore

the values that are being impacted by the digital age and the latest research from the fields of psychology and sociology about the challenges to our humanity. It also includes a selfhelp component that helps us to think about why we sometimes get stuck and what we can do about it. Today, thousands of women have joined LinkUp. Their LinkUp groups have become the place where they find the insight and the energy to be good role models for their children and be able to have a clear dialogue with them, and so support them in making choices that are in sync with Torah and a wholesome inner life. One LinkUp member related that, deep into the unit on silence, she decided to experiment. During the morning school run, she decided to forgo the usual music or conversations and just enjoy the quiet. A few minutes into the ride, her three-yearold pointed out the window. “Look, Mommy.” “What’s that?” she replied. He pointed again. “Look, Mommy. The clouds.” They were at a red light, so she looked over through the window. “I never knew the clouds move so fast.” It was just a simple conversation. A three-year-old, staring at the clouds. But it was wonder and connection and joy. All the things we seek. All the things we can make space for, when we work on it — together. Faigie Zelcer is the founder and director of Penimi, an organization that fortifies children and adults with the knowledge and inner strength needed to confront the challenges of our times. Penimi offers full-year classroom curricula, teacher training, and adult education programs that empower families to face the digital revolution with confidence and competence – without losing sight of their values.

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WELLSPRING / NISSAN 5781

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WHITE ORCHID COMMUNICATED

My Laser Experience at White Orchid Medi Spa By Penina Jacobs

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I ring the bell to enter the White Orchid Medi Spa on 13th Ave in Boro Park. “Hello, you can come in now,” the doorbell informs me. A bunch of my friends have come back from their White Orchid laser treatment with rave reviews, and the FOMO had gotten too much. Today I’m here to experience it firsthand. The reception area is brightly lit with early March sunshine. I introduce myself to the receptionist, who welcomes me and directs me to the waiting lounge to fill out and sign various health forms. A woman sits there, rocking her Doona while she waits. Plush loveseats in rich mauve dot the space and there are peppermints in a glass bowl and water bottles lined up on a table nearby. I take a seat and begin filling out the form. I then hand it to the receptionist who enters my information into the system and tells me that they will call my name shortly. I look around, taking in the fresh, spa atmosphere. The area is adorned with soothing pinks. and classical music plays softly via hidden speakers. I examine the White Orchid brand beauty products laid out on the shelf, admiring the vibrant packaging. There’s an exfoliator cream, moisturizer, and shaving kits, among others. Just then, Vanessa, the laser technician, calls my name. “You can follow me,” she says. Vanessa leads me to treatment room #6 and heads out so I can get ready. Inside the room, there is a spa bed with a White Orchid towel prepared on it, the Diode laser machine, a sink, cabinets, and a small bin to store my belongings. At this point, my nerves are pulsing in overtime. I’d previously been to a Brooklyn spa for laser hair removal and the treatment had me limping out of there, nerve-endings on fire. Although I’m nervous now, I’m curious to try the much-lauded White Orchid’s Diode laser treatment. As instructed, I shaved my skin the night before and I took a Tylenol twenty minutes prior, just to calm my nerves. Vanessa enters the room and readies the high-tech Diode laser machine. She shows me the cooling system on the laser applicator—it feels delightfully cool on my skin—and explains how it works: Diode laser has

an incredibly precise and narrow focus. The light destroys the hair and root by transporting energy directly into the hair follicle. Meanwhile, the cooling system offsets the heat of the laser, cooling the skin off. Vanessa begins by applying a gel onto my skin. The gel will make for a smooth treatment. She sets the machine and lifts the applicator. “I’ll do six passes over every section,” she explains. I don my safety protection goggles and Vanessa proceeds to run the laser once over my skin, then pauses to ask me if I feel any sensations. I do not. She raises the energy level and applies the laser again. This time, I feel a very slight tingling in one or two spots. That means it’s working. Vanessa glides the applicator back and forth over my skin. I watch her doing it, pleasantly surprised and basically shocked at how calm I feel. The procedure feels like a spa massage. “What can I expect in terms of hair growth?” I ask. “After about 2-4 weeks, the hair will start shedding,” Vanessa responds. “You will experience patches of hair falling out. After that, the hair will start growing back and that’s when you can come in for your next appointment.” “And when can I begin seeing results?” “It can take up to 5-6 sessions to see significant results, but many clients see results in 2-3 sessions.” After completing a large area of skin, we move to a smaller area with a stronger sensation. I can’t help but marvel at the vast difference between my previous laser experience and this one. Whereas then I was barely able to breathe at the unbearable pain (and that was with numbing cream and painkillers), the most I’d felt at White Orchid was moderate discomfort. I’m genuinely curious about their relatively painless treatment. “Why doesn’t everyone use this laser technology?” I ask Vanessa. “These Diode laser machines were created specifically for White Orchid,” she responds. A team of engineers worked for close to two years to develop state-of-the-art laser* with fast, effective results and minimal pain. Whoever and wherever these engineers are, I’m eternally grateful to them. As I thank Vanessa and prepare to leave, I marvel at the efficient and comfortable treatment that I experienced here. This is a plot twist I didn’t see coming: I’m actually looking forward to my next laser hair removal appointment. *patent pending

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WELLBEING FEATURE

UNSHACKLED BY LIBBY KASTEN

Windows sparkle, floors shine. The closets and drawers are spanking clean. Here, nine individuals share how they’ve achieved an internal cleanup, uprooting erroneous beliefs that held them hostage, so they could experience true freedom.

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As we journey through life, we carry a variety of beliefs, principles, and values as our baggage. They often help us keep our eyes on our goals and sometimes become our mantras, propelling us onward when energy runs low. Yet, so many times, these ideals are really not applicable to us, or become untimely due to changes in circumstances. Thus, they can weigh us down, dangling the prospect of the elusive “ideal life” in our faces, urging us to try harder to become people we are not meant to be. During zman cheiruseinu, perhaps we can learn to let go of beliefs that are limiting our potential as well as damaging our inner selves. Just as we unpacked, sorted, and cleaned our physical spaces, can we examine the drivers within ourselves, and throw out the ones that are irrelevant to us, even though they may work for a friend or may have worked for us in the past? Hear from nine individuals who have done the cleaning work, and see how their lives experienced an upgrade as a result. I’ll start with my own belief purge.

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WELLBEING FEATURE

BELIEF:

What you want doesn’t matter that much.

used to believe that doing what you enjoy is wrong, and doing only what must be done is right. I used to think that activities solely for enjoyment were a waste of time and money, and risked distracting me from the things that must get done. I would feel bad to ignore the relentless ringing of the phone when trying to relax in the peace and quiet after a busy day. I’d go on a walk if my friend wanted to, even if I didn’t need one. With time, and as my responsibilities grew, I began to realize that doing things I enjoy helps me avoid burnout and frustration. I no longer consider taking time to journal after a busy day a waste of time; and paint pouring is a wonderful way to spend a quiet morning. I now understand that often, doing a pleasurable activity, when you can, is the correct course of action. It can give you the energy to do what is right. It has made me a more connected and less stressed person.

— Libby, 25

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Frost Generously. S IS SW

HAPP

IT ON T

Haddar Kosher for Passover Frosting is the ultimate topping, spreadable and creamy and perfect on cookies, cakes and cupcakes. Add our fluffy and rich frosting to anything for a sweet finishing touch. WELLSPRING / NISSAN 5781

323

WELLBEING FEATURE

BELIEF:

Challos must be homemade

s a newlywed, and later as a young mother, I thought that challos for Shabbos must be homemade. My mother, a”h, was a fantastic challah baker and aside from the summers we spent in the bungalow colony, she always baked challah. So, around 15 years ago, when I had a oneand-a-half year old child plus a two-month old baby, and Succos was approaching, I thought we couldn’t have a Yom Tov without my homemade challos. Looking back, I know that this wasn’t because of any pressure that my mother put on me. It was just something that came easily to her, especially as she was at a different stage of life than I was then. However, I mistakenly thought that if she always did it, it must be that I could, too. The result was that I stressed way too much about baking those challos and the entire household felt that tension. We ate the first Yom Tov meal at a young family like ours — with a few young children and no help nearby. The meal was really beautiful and delicious, and then at some point the wife excused herself for the store-bought challah as well as other areas where she had cut corners. I very firmly told her that I was so happy that she didn't overburden herself when she clearly had so much on her plate and how the seudah was so wonderful just the way it was. And I meant it. It only took a little bit of time until I realized that I should have been talking to myself! Like, why couldn’t I, with all that I was dealing with, not overburden myself and have a fantastic Yom Tov meal even with bakery challah? So, with that I learned that although the mitzvah of hafrashas challah is so special, I had to let go of the belief that homemade challos are a must. When it becomes too stressful, my sanity, peace of mind, and being a calm wife and mother are my priorities. I’ve also applied this realization to acknowledge that Shabbos and Yom Tov can be beautiful without all the “musts” I was accustomed to in many other areas: I could allow myself to use disposables, cook more simply, and buy dessert. It has made Shabbos and Yom Tov so much less stressful and more peaceful, in a beautiful way.

— Chani, 37

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‫יושע'לע‪,‬‬ ‫דעם פסח וועל איך דיר געבן אן‬

‫אפיקומן‬ ‫פאר דיין לעבן!‬ ‫‪jcmteam.com‬‬

‫יושע'לע‪ ,‬דו וועסט באקומען‪...‬‬ ‫געשמאק און א חיות אין לערנען‬ ‫<א‬ ‫ַ‬ ‫אומצאליגע ידיעות אין אלע חלקי התורה‬ ‫<‬ ‫ָ‬ ‫קלארקייט ביים לערנען‪ ,‬מיט די לעבעדיגע ‪ 3D‬בילדער‬ ‫< א זעלטענע‬ ‫ָ‬ ‫< אן אייגענעם אחריות צו לערנען און קענען מקצועות בתורה‬ ‫נאנטע קשר מיט'ן מגיד שיעור‪ ,‬איבערצושמועסן די לימודים‬ ‫<א ָ‬ ‫< ווערדפולע מתנות דורך די חודש'ליכע גורלות און ּפוינט'ס‬ ‫אינהאלטסופלע מסיבות ביים סיום‬ ‫< רייכע‬ ‫ַ‬ ‫< הערליכע תעודה וואס וועט צייגן אויף אים אלס א 'יונגער תלמיד חכם'‬ ‫טאשן משניות‪ /‬משנה ברורה‪ /‬קיצור שו"ע‪ ,‬אויף אידיש‬ ‫ראקטישע ַ‬ ‫< ּפ ַ‬

‫צו הערן איבער‬ ‫רופט‪:‬די ‪718.480.5327‬‬ ‫מתמידים‬

‫זיך איינצושרייבן רופט‪:‬‬

‫‪845.352.5327‬‬

‫חבורת משניות הייבט מען יעצט אן סדר זרעים‪ ,‬חבורת הלכה הייבט מען יעצט אן הלכות תפילה‪ ,‬יעצט איז די צייט זיך מיטצוכאפן!‬

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WELLBEING FEATURE

BELIEF:

I can do it all!

used to accomplish so much and feel like I could do anything. But now that I have a family, with a full household, children, and pregnancies to contend with, I’ve had to limit myself according to what I can physically manage. When I feel like something is too much for me, I tell myself confidently that I can not do this, rather than what I used to tell myself — that I can. I learned to be aware of my limits and lower my expectations. The table does not have to be set on Thursday night, and I could ask my husband to help deal with a screaming baby when I could not do it myself. And who says you have to have three or four courses at every Shabbos meal? There were times when we happily enjoyed one course of delicious food. My kids were young so it didn't make a difference to them and my husband actually prefers it. There was even a time when I decided that as long as all the clothes are washed, dried, and in a separate pile for each family member, the laundry was considered done. It gave me a huge sense of relief. Accepting that I’m one very human person who just can’t do everything has enabled me to lower my expectations of myself and feel good about what I can manage.

— Penina, 30 326

WELLSPRING / APRIL 2021

Two familiar letters a one-of-kind brand.

Serving you Pesach traditions for generations. Chag kosher vsameach...

WELLSPRING / NISSAN 5781

327

WELLBEING FEATURE

BELIEF:

In a good marriage, there is no place for disagreement.

rowing up, I never saw my parents arguing. If there ever was a difference of opinion, we children never even saw it become a disagreement. My mother would usually listen to my father’s opinion and go along with it.

A short while after we got married, my wife and I were deciding how to deal with a situation and we each had very different, very solid opinions. When the conversation morphed into a disagreement, and then into an argument, I was sure that our marriage was in trouble. This couldn’t be happening! I had really wanted to express my opinion and its reasoning, and listen to my wife’s as well. But this was turning into something frightening. I wasn’t sure I could deal with it. My wife, for her part, was perfectly calm, as though expecting this to happen, which she was. We are both opinionated and thought-out individuals, and she wasn’t afraid of hashing it out fully before reaching an agreement. That first time, I reached out to a mentor, who helped me understand that disagreement is normal and typical in healthy marriages, and he guided me, as a husband, on how to deal with differences of opinion. In time, I learned that when two individuals — with their own opinions, beliefs, and experiences — marry, there will inevitably be disagreements. When we work through these differences together, and/or with the help of a third party, our marriage can continue to blossom.

— Yossi, 28

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AS WE ENTER THE YOM TOV SEASON, W E C E L E B R AT E A R E S O U N D I N G SUCCESS TOGETHER WITH THE MANY FA M I L I E S T H AT W E H E L P E D.

jcmteam.com

THEY ACHIEVED A

F FR RE ES SH H & & R RE EN NE EW WE ED D R RE E LL A AT T II O ON NS SH H II P P THROUGH OUR LECTURES A N D S U P PO RT.

Wishing you and yours, a peaceful and joyous Pesach. -Rabbi Yitzchok Hersh Binet CALL OR TEXT TO JOIN: 845.414.8046 ‫בהמלצת הרה״ג ר׳ אברהם צבי וואזנער שליט״א אב״ד סאטמאר מאנסי‬ ‫והמחנך המפורסם הרה״ג ר׳ בערל טויבער שליט״א‬

WELLSPRING / NISSAN 5781

329

WELLBEING FEATURE

BELIEF:

A mother must give a hundred percent of herself to her children, at all times.

was going to be this wonderful mother that is always there, always calm, always giving, and always just… perfect. I’d always aimed for perfection, and worked hard to achieve it. When my children would come, I was going to be the stay-at-home-mom and the mom-who-works-tosupport-learning, all wrapped up with one beautiful bow. But after I had my first child, and shortly thereafter another one, I suddenly became aware of my humanness. I realized that I am just a person with limited capabilities and no control over past and future circumstances. I learned that you cannot possibly give a hundred percent of yourself to each your husband, children, and employer. And — also very important — I recognized that you must leave a percentage of yourself for… yourself, too. Being the main breadwinner and a mother of little children, I began allowing my sisters to babysit and play with my children while I took a few minutes for myself after a long day at work and to prepare supper. My children are young, and as they grow older, I will likely move things around accordingly. I believe that being able to let go of these unrealistic expectations of myself allows them to enjoy quality time with their loving aunts, and they get a calm mother later in the day and on Shabbos. Interestingly, with this understanding that mothers are humans too, came the realization that my own mother is just that: human. I am ashamed of the irrational expectations I have had, thinking that she must always be available to babysit, cook, host, and just be there for me whenever I need help. I now respect that she is a wonderful, giving person, who is human too, and does her best as a mother according to the current circumstances.

— Leah, 23

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OUR HISTORY. YOUR TRADITION.

T H E

T A S T E

Y O U

G R E W

U P

O N

SINCE 1945

‫חג כשר ושמח‬ WELLSPRING / NISSAN 5781

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WELLBEING FEATURE

BELIEF:

As long as there are people in pain, I have no right to enjoy my life.

very sensitive person by nature, I take the pain and suffering of others very much to heart. My parents are wonderful baalei chesed, and we grew up wired to always tune into other’s circumstances and try to alleviate their pain in whichever way possible.

At one point, I realized that whenever I was enjoying myself, like when I was spending time with friends, taking a day off just to breathe, or enjoying a spontaneous outing with my children, a guilt alarm would start sounding within, reminding me that so many people out there are going through so many painful challenges, and how dare you just have fun like that? At first, I thought it was my good conscience, and I’d try to end the fun as the guilt began to chafe. Soon, however, I realized how these thoughts were dragging me down and counteracting the positive energy I was trying to foster with such activities. It took some relearning of concepts in emunah and bitachon for me to remember to keep in mind that pain is in Hashem’s hands, and suffering is in my own control. Remembering that Hashem wants us to serve him with joy, and making myself suffer because of what others are going through damages my ability to be the best person I can be helps me keep things in perspective. If possible, I take the time to do what I can to help others, without compromising my ability to take good care of my own self — so I can be a calm, happy wife and mother.

— Esti, 38 332

WELLSPRING / APRIL 2021

‫שמואלי‬ ‫וויל‪...‬‬

‫גאנץ "ששה סדרי משנה" ביז זיין בר מצוה‬ ‫ענדיגן ַ‬ ‫קלארקייט‬ ‫גאנץ "משנה ברורה" מיט א‬ ‫ָ‬ ‫מסיים זיין ַ‬

‫קענען אלע וויכטיגע הלכות אין "קיצור שולחן ערוך"‬ ‫‪jcmteam.com‬‬

‫מיט "מתמידים לדעת" וועט‬ ‫געשמאק‬ ‫שמואלי לערנען מיט א‬ ‫ַ‬ ‫גאנץ ששה סדרי‬ ‫און ענדיגן ַ‬ ‫משנה‪ ,‬משנה ברורה אדער קיצור‬ ‫אויסוואל‬ ‫שו"ע‪ ,‬לויט זיין‬ ‫ַ‬

‫טייערער יונגל‪:‬‬

‫יא! דו קענסט אנקומען העכער ווי דו מיינסט!‬

‫צו הערן איבער‬ ‫רופט‪:‬די ‪718.480.5327‬‬ ‫מתמידים‬

‫זיך איינצושרייבן רופט‪:‬‬

‫‪845.352.5327‬‬ ‫‪333‬‬

‫‪WELLSPRING / NISSAN 5781‬‬

WELLBEING FEATURE

BELIEF:

My mother-in-law or sister is insensitive and intrusive when she inquires about our personal lives and offers advice, chizuk, and segulos.

hen I was married for a few years and we were not yet blessed with a child, I came to the realization that it was selfish to view my mother-in-law’s — and other family members’ — “meddling” as offensive. True, it was uncomfortable, sometimes very painful, to be asked questions we found personal, or be told by my in-laws that a specific hishtadlus has done wonders for others dealing with this or similar challenges. I found that Hashem blessed me with the ability to see things from an outsider’s perspective and understand that for my parents, in-laws, and other family members, our circumstance was a nisayon, too. Having children in this situation, or being the younger sister of someone struggling with infertility, is a challenge of its own. Later, when I was baruch Hashem expecting and my younger sister was still waiting to be blessed with a child, I saw how true this was. (Through my experience, I learned about the importance of sensitivity to others. For example, responding to a Mazel Tov wish with a fervent “Im yirtzeh Hashem by you!” can sometimes be hurtful and isn’t always necessary. “Beruchim tihiyu” is essentially the same brachah, just not such an overt reminder of what’s missing.) Just as I hope people don’t judge my words and actions negatively, I too can accept and respect that they’re dealing with this challenge in their own personal way, and their input is simply an expression of their own feelings. My sister or mother-in-law isn’t looking to intrude on my private space. Rather, she is discussing her own challenge and thinking of solutions. Letting go of the belief that family members’ comments are insensitive and intrusive has helped me deflect judgment, allowing us to grow closer without the burden of negative feelings between us.

— Raizy, 28

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WELLSPRING / APRIL 2021

Pick up individual pouches or an entire family pack for everyone to enjoy!

WELLSPRING / NISSAN 5781

335

WELLBEING FEATURE

BELIEF:

Being on a kollel budget means thinking thrice before spending a dollar.

iving on a kollel budget after we got married, I found shopping very stressful. I would spend a lot of time in the grocery deciding if every item was totally necessary or perhaps we could do without it. I thought that every dollar I save would potentially keep my husband in kollel for another day.

At one point, when I was married for about three years, the stress was becoming too much for me to bear. We were baruch Hashem making ends meet, and yet I could not stop pondering what is a want and what is a need. Could I buy supper on an overwhelming day if I can cook for a fraction of the price? Did my baby need a spring jacket, or would the season be a short one and he could do without one? Did I need tri-colored peppers for the salad I was making for lunch, or should a single green pepper, on sale, suffice? My husband, realizing that I was obsessed, repeatedly told me to stop worrying about finances. Still, I wasn’t sure if listening to him meant that I was just not the kind of wife who respected his learning enough. When I realized that this was an issue, I asked our rav for help dealing with it. I felt very inadequate. I admitted that I just wasn’t able to be that noble sacrificing-for-Torah wife. I’m so grateful that I took the courage to speak to him. My conversation with him taught me that that a mother and wife's emotional health is more valuable than any money in the world. If I think I need something, and there is money for it right now, I should buy it and trust that Hashem will always provide us with enough parnassah to afford all of our needs. Letting go of my belief and habits around spending money was a gradual process. It was like unwinding tightly coiled wire from around my chest. I eventually began to like shopping, and even learned how to occasionally enjoy a little pick-me-up treat, guilt-free. I know that my husband’s learning is not, and should not be, in my hands. I do my hishtadlus by holding down a job and I leave the rest up to Hashem.

— Suri, 27

336

WELLSPRING / APRIL 2021

Who needs another

parenting column?

Whether you’re looking to improve the bedtime or morning routine, need advice on how to handle your teenage son’s late nights out, or you want to know the right way to compliment your child, there’s a plethora of parenting tips available at your disposal.

But what if you feel like you’re in tip-overload mode? More importantly, what if you find that the advice isn’t working? In this column, we look forward to exploring parenting from an inside-out perspective—to recognize how our parenting may be influenced by our past, how we can live a better present, and how we can give our children a bright future.

COMING NE XT M ON T H IN WE L L S PR I NG

WELLSPRING / NISSAN 5781

337

WELLBEING FEATURE

BELIEF:

If I want “more,” something is lacking in my motherhood.

or almost two decades, I would berate myself when I would feel a need for “more” while caring for my family. “Why isn’t this fulfilling enough?” I would ask myself, and view myself critically for also wanting to work outside the home or spend some time away from my kids. I thought something was wrong with me if I didn’t draw all my fulfillment from motherhood. Only recently have I started to accept myself and my need for my own space, my accomplishments independent of my kids. While family is still my first priority, and I love my kids dearly, I also recognize that by using my talents and skills, as well as my intellectual mind, in a way that doesn’t detract from my children’s development and connection to me (by establishing clear work-home boundaries), I am actually becoming a better mother.

— Yocheved, 42

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It is the nature of man that while searching for a lost object, he feels stress. Only once he finds what he seeks does he rejoice.

But those who seek Hashem bask in joy even while they are searching for Him. - Rav Simcha Bunim of Peshischa

WELLBEING FEATURE

H OT

Open lid halfway.

Add boiling water to the fill line.

Stir well.

Allow to stand for 5 minutes.

Haddar Instant Mashed Potato Cups are delicious, fluffy and light. Go on, treat yourself to a serving of Kosher for Passover mashed potatoes with a side of melt-in-your-mouth convenience Available in Original and Mushroom. 340

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JUS

Real Mashed Potatoes, Real Quick.

IN 5 MIN

APRIL 2021 / NISSAN 5781 / ISSUE 63

NEW COLUMN!

ENERGIZE

WITH ELKY

FEAST OF FREEDOM TERRA CHIPS | BISCOTTI | PULLED CHICKEN SLIDERS | SALMON AVOCADO AND MANGO STACK

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EDITOR'S NOTE

Dear Cooks,

Reading Bashy Halberstam’s contribution to this issue’s My Table brought a smile to my face. I had thought our family held the copyright to that intricate dessert recipe! (Check it out. All you need is one ingredient and you’re good to go.) What amazes me about Pesach every year is how little we actually need to be able to create really beautiful, delicious meals. So many of the foods that are entirely natural are incredibly rich in flavor. There are foods that are pleasing for a sweet tooth; others that satisfy a need for savory. There are foods that are refreshing, others score high on the texture scale. Pesach is a time when we get to do a reset, to take a step back from the array of processed fare we may be feeding

ourselves all year long, and notice the remarkable bounty in nature. We’re excited to introduce you to our new column, Energize, brought to you by renowned health coach Elky Friedman. As she shares in her introduction, she’s of those who enjoys the deliciousness in natural food all year long. (It helps that she’s a recipe developer!) What I love about her recipes is that they’re so full of flavor and color, while still being healthful and nourishing. This Pesach, we can actually feel light and energized by enjoying meals that are good for us which don’t skimp on flavor. And we may just want to keep up the clean-eating trend all year long!

A healthy, joyous Pesach to all,

PINCH OF HEALTH

Esther

Especially on Pesach, when we don’t use many processed ingredients, I add flavor to so many of our dishes by sautéing a huge pot of (about 30–35) onions and adding some to foods like vegetable kugel, meats, and even simple chicken bottoms. It really ups the flavor and is entirely natural. I don’t use that much oil to sauté the onions, relying more on their natural juices.

Shana G.

Have a healthy cooking tip to share with your Wellspring community? Please send it to info@wellspringmagazine.com.

372 Is Wine Good for You? By Yael E. Geller, MPH

375 Pesach Munchies By Charnie Kohn

346 Pesach Pleasures By Yossi & Malky Levine

352 A Sprinkling of Flavor, Family, & Fun Facts By Libby Silberman

360 From the Archives By Yossi & Malky Levine

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381

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SWAP By Yossi & Malky Levine

Kosher.com By Malka Goldberger

400 Pesach Carbs By Perl Lipkser, RDN

402 Energize By Elky Friedman NEW COLUMN!

408 My Table Pesach Favorites

412 Boost By Yossi & Malky Levine

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Pesach Pleasures What can be more surprising than another potato recipe for Pesach? We know :). We tried to work with limited ingredients to get as much out of them as possible. The dishes we present here can serve a dual purpose: upgrade the plating and serve as a main dish at your Yom Tov meal, or keep it simple for a Chol Hamoed dinner. Better yet, make a double batch so you have enough for both.

Recipes, Styling, and Photography by Yossi & Malky Levine

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Pulled Chicken Sliders A unique and delicious twist to a classic comfort food, these pulled chicken sliders make quite the impression. Using roasted sweet potato slices as the “bun” ups the fiber content and makes it a complete meal. This one is a winner for the entire family!

2 lbs boneless chicken breast and/or thighs 3 cups chicken stock (or water) 2–3 tomatoes, peeled and diced ¼ cup honey, or alternative sweetener 1 tsp garlic powder ½ tsp onion powder ½ tsp smoked paprika ¾ tsp sea salt ¼ tsp black pepper lettuce, for serving sliced fresh vegetables, for serving Sweet Potato “Buns” 3 sweet potatoes, sliced into ¼-inch rounds olive oil, for drizzling

Weinstock Cellar Select Chardonnay 2019

honey, for drizzling

Place chicken, chicken stock, tomatoes, honey, and spices in a slow cooker. Mix to combine. Cover and cook on low for 4–6 hours. Remove chicken from slow cooker and shred with two forks. Return to the slow cooker, stir to mix all ingredients, and set temperature to warm (or low) until ready to eat. For the sweet potato slices, preheat oven to 350°F. Line a large baking sheet with parchment paper. Arrange sweet potato slices in a single layer on the baking sheets. Drizzle with oil and honey and bake for 25–30 minutes, flipping halfway through, until sweet potatoes are tender and lightly browned on the surface. To serve, place pulled chicken, lettuce, and your choice of fresh veggies between two sweet potato slices.

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PESACH PLEASURES

Steak Bites over Potato Duo Stack Although we’re limited to a smaller variety of foods on Pesach, meat is something most of us can still enjoy at its fullest, and there are so many different ways to prepare it. Steak is generally my goto for new recipes since it’s easy and quick to prepare, with a rich flavor to boot.

2 lbs rib eye steak, cut into 1-inch cubes 1¼ tsp salt, divided ¾ tsp black pepper, divided ½ cup water 2 tsp paprika 2 tsp garlic powder (optional) 3 Tbsp honey 2 Tbsp olive oil, divided 1 Tbsp potato starch 4 potatoes, cooked, drained well, and mashed 4 sweet potatoes, cooked, drained well, and mashed sliced green onions, for garnishing

Herzog Lineage Cabernet Sauvignon 2018

Season steak cubes with 1 tsp salt and ½ tsp pepper; set aside. In a mixing bowl, whisk water, paprika, garlic powder, honey, and remaining salt and pepper until thoroughly combined. Set aside. Heat a skillet over medium-high heat, then add 1 tablespoon olive oil. Add half the steak cubes and cook for 5 minutes per side, or until browned and done. Remove from skillet, and repeat with the rest of the steak cubes, adding extra oil as needed. Add potato starch to the skillet, along with previously prepared honey-garlic sauce, and stir well, scraping up the browned pieces from the bottom of the pan. Add steak bites back to skillet and cook until sauce bubbles and starts to thicken. Remove from heat. Using a metal ring, layer the mashed sweet potato and potato. Place steak bites over the potato and drizzle with sauce from the meat. Garnish with sliced green onions.

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EAT WELL

A Sprinkling of Flavor, Family, and Fun Facts In conversation with Yossi and Malky Levine By Libby Silberman Photos Provided by Yossi and Malky Levine

undreds of food celebrities dot the Jewish stovetop. But for a couple to have transformed the food lifestyle scene for Jewish communities around the world? That steals the front and center burner! Of Wellspring’s Seasoned, Ami’s Whisk, and Mehadrin cookbooks’ fame, I’ve always wondered how Yossi and Malky Levine, internationally acclaimed in recipe development, food styling, and food photography,

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run their multifaceted business in tandem. I have a million questions brewing as we start our conversation. For starters, I am ever so curious how working with a spouse 24-7 actually transpires. Follow me for a peek into the life of a couple who influence food trends for housewives, chefs, and event planners everywhere. “Back when Malky was starting out in family photography, the Wellspring masterminds reached out to ask us if we’d shoot the food for their very first issue,” Yossi begins.

“We were pretty amateur back then. We didn’t even use lighting, or anything sophisticated for that matter,” interjects Malky with a laugh, as she recalls the early days. “But we did a fairly good job, if we may say so ourselves. From there onward, we started investing ourselves completely in improving our skills. “We got more jobs and slowly, we built up our business. These days, we work from a professional yet charming studio in Nachlaot, an artsy neighborhood in Jerusalem.” Yossi has always been into food. He

EAT WELL

Fun Fact Malky: Interestingly, it’s often harder for me to shoot foods that others have slaved over, because it didn’t start with my vision. I look at their final products and have to come up with the optimal way of shooting it to give the dish or product the best shot to dazzle.

appreciated fine recipes and enjoyed experimenting in the kitchen from when he was a kid. He read cookbooks as a hobby, making mental notes of ideas he would try in the future. He took special pleasure in trying strange combinations or complex recipes. Malky’s background is not in food at all. In fact, despite all the food she deals with all day, she still counts herself as one with a “small palate.” She appreciates basics but is definitely not very discerning with flavor. As small as her palate is, that’s how huge her eye for design is. Ever since she was very young, Malky has had an incredible eye for all things beautiful. When they were newly married, Malky enjoyed designing exquisite plates for dinner. She took pleasure in creating intricate tablescapes and food design. She’d take pictures that they would share with their family members and friends as an inspiration for their own meals. “The truth is that both of us are very much into design,” Malky says. “Yossi has a super creative mind that pops with thousands of ideas a day (or minute!). He often comes up with crazy ideas. Like, never-in-a-million kinds of brainwaves. Then, I try to figure out how to make them into 354

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something concrete.” “Do you have any formal training in recipe development?” I ask Yossi. “Nope, none at all. I’m not afraid of taking risks, so I’m always ready and open to experimenting with new food or techniques. That’s how many of my recipes came about. I would try something for myself and serve it to friends. After getting rave reviews, I’d often go back and turn it into an ‘actual recipe’ for a magazine.” “Yossi doesn’t come up with new recipes by randomly experimenting with a number of ingredients,” clarifies Malky. “He builds new combinations on existing recipes. Thinking out of the box, he asks himself ‘How would this food taste with this flavor?’ “Then he researches recipes and modifies them with his own creativity. He generally doesn't create a completely new food. People’s palates are organs of habit; they enjoy new tasting experiences but giving

them a new food altogether is a huge risk. He aims to dazzle the palate with new flavors of familiar tastes.” “So, we experiment this way and that, until we come up with a perfect product that tastes good,” Yossi finishes. “And looks good, of course,” Malky is quick to add. I smile. How typical of a food photographer to be on top of that. Packed with Nutrition and Taste When it comes to healthy recipes, Yossi and Malky work double as hard. Yossi wants it to taste extra good. Malky wants it to look extra good. “We don’t want people to feel like they’re compromising when they cook healthfully for their families. No one wants to eat grass or stalks of wheat for dinner. Therefore, we do lots of taste testing before rolling out a new healthy recipe for Wellspring.”

It takes an enormous amount of work, and the Levines admit it’s a challenge, albeit a thrilling one. Yossi maintains that a healthy food must taste good. The tastes of the substitute ingredients need to work together well without having this “something’s off” kind of flavor. He insists on the best without compromise. On that end, he tinkers around with a variety of healthy ingredient alternatives. Sugar substitutes, various flours, and many other interesting options. “There are plenty of healthy dishes out there that are tasteless. And we are determined—totally determined—to let people enjoy familiar and delicious flavors while staying away from processed ingredients,” Malky offers. I admire her commitment to Wellspring readers who count on the Levines’ creativity and steely resolve to deliver a flawless product on all ends. “We’re not nutritionists or licensed in any way to give our opinion, but I think the single most important tip for people who are trying to implement healthy changes to their cooking is to stop sacrificing taste buds. “If you start serving grass-foods, it may last a few weeks, months even. But at the end of the day, you’ll throw the towel in. You need to like it and your family needs to like it, too. Tweak recipes many times until you’re really pleased with the results,” Yossi asserts. With all the Levines’ work to produce healthy recipes for Seasoned, has their own style of home-cooking changed? Both Yossi and Malky hesitate for a moment. “We don’t have a good answer,” they finally tell me. “We’re definitely not role models in healthy eating.” “However,” Malky throws in, “the awareness we have gained through our work is definitely there.” “Right,” agrees Yossi, as he realizes that they’re not that bad. “I do like to use honey over sugar, or olive oil over canola oil, whenever it won’t

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2021: New Concepts Born of Old Dreams Yossi: For years, my vision has been to not only shoot photos of food, but to let people actually enjoy the food I create. In other words, I really wanted to host guests on a professional level. Recently, we finally actualized our vision and opened our place. The concept is brand new to the Jewish food scene and it’s taken off incredibly well, baruch Hashem. We host private events for 2–10 people at our studio in Nachlaot. We book only one event per night so that our guests can enjoy their privacy and have the whole night for themselves. Guests are served a high-end seven-course chef’s dinner. Of course, every dish is plated with exquisite design, making the experience a visual pleasure as much as a culinary delight. Finally, we focus on the ambience. We do lots of candles, flowers, and decor exclusive to the event, be it an anniversary, a birthday, or any other occasion. Our guests who have tried it so far have left with stars in their eyes. According to their reviews, it’s a really pampering experience, a unique evening that they’ve never had before. Malky and I are grateful that we were able to realize this dream.

make a difference in the final product.” “I think readers are going to like that human side of you. People who cook strictly healthfully can be intimidating. You’re aware and heading there, and that’s good.” Change It Up Yossi maintains that he rarely goes back to recipes, however successful they were. To keep things interesting at home, he’s constantly changing recipes up and figuring out new ways to recreate oldies, even in their weekly Shabbos cooking. I’m wowed. I think about my no-brainer soup-kugel-fish-cholent Shabbos fare and have to admit that being original on a weekly basis is really some feat. The question has been on my mind for some time and now, it finally spills. I am incredibly curious about this. “How do you work together as a couple?”

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Both Yossi and Malky start talking simultaneously, so I know I’ve asked the prize question. “Let me tell you about people’s reactions first,” says Yossi. “Some people say, ‘Wow, how beautiful.’ Others say, ‘That must be so hard, to work alongside a spouse all day.’ And the truth is, it’s both. It’s the most challenging thing and the most incredible thing.” “The hard part,” Malky picks up the thread, “is that we never ‘come home’ from work. Most people return home from a day of work and disconnect as they spend time with their families. We, on the other hand, are always working. Similar to the way you’d always think and talk business when you bump into your colleague.” “If we’re eating anywhere, our eyes

are peeled for the food, the presentation, and the colors. If we’re out shopping, we notice the dishes, the flowers, and the randomest items that can be repurposed for a stupendous photoshoot prop. So you see, we live and breathe what we love doing most.”

“Never,” replies Yossi. “Yes, we do,” Malky amends. “When we travel, we really try to disconnect. If I don’t bring my computer, that is.”

“It’s really an integral part of our lives, it’s part of who we are,” Yossi summarizes, as if he was reading my thoughts.

I am about to believe her when I recall a Whisk article from several years back. The Levines had traveled to France for a short vacation. Enamored by the wonderful pastries they were being served, Yossi collaborated with the chef to recreate the recipes right there in the hotel, and Malky improvised by creating a studio out of blue velvet tablecloths they had unearthed someplace in the hotel. They spent their time on vacation making and designing food for a photoshoot.

“Doesn’t such a lifestyle lead to burnout?” I want to know. “Do you ever take a break? As in, disconnect?”

They laugh, remembering the article, and how neatly I got them there. There, I exposed the truth: they nev-

“This very challenging aspect happens to also be the most beautiful thing at the same time,” says Yossi. Talking to passionate creatives like these, I’m not surprised. They do not go out to work; they are their work.

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er do stop. People with passion cannot be stopped. Nearly everything they see presents a potential idea. “So back to burnout,” I reroute the conversation. “If you do never stop, how do you not get burned out?” Yossi thinks for a moment. “I think from our passion—and passion comes from purpose. We live in such a gorgeous world. We eat, we shop, we see things all around us everywhere. Being food artists and designers, we have purpose in experiencing the world. Feeling that sense of purpose keeps my drive in check. It helps me not get burned out. “At the end of the day, we do get burned out, but at the same time, we get loads of gasoline to keep us going. Namely, the incredible feedback from readers gives us a tremendous sense of satisfaction. Every so often we look back at our archives to see

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how much we’ve done. We are awed at our own work sometimes. We get a lot of feedback, which feels nice. Also, on a Jewish-global level,” Yossi says, “we are impacting food trends around the world. We hear about foods we introduced gaining popularity between party planners and chefs, and we know we’ve made our mark. It’s major influence and it feels good. It propels us onward.” Malky debates whether she should add something, and I’m glad she decides to say it in the end, for I am not quite believing the magic of it all. “Often, it’s lots of craziness, this work. And it gets to us sometimes, believe me.” I believe her. A world full of deadlines is probably a form of torture for individuals with imaginations greater than themselves. “What’s it like to be a couple that’s

famous for their work?” I ask one final question. “Honestly, we generally keep quiet. Our personal lives aren’t out there, only our work is. Some time back we hosted a couple by the name of Levine. At the end of the meal, Mr. other-Levine asked me, ‘Oh, so you’re the Levine who does the recipe developing in the magazines?’ “I told him, ‘Yup, that’s me.’ “So he said, ‘Ahhh, people are always asking me if that Yossi Levine is me.’ “My name is labeled to my work, and yes, it’s all over the place, but only my name is out, not me.” While their name is circling the globe into kitchens everywhere, Yossi and Malky are in their own kitchen together, working side by side on another culinary masterpiece.

Yossi and Malky, can you walk us through the process of a project, and how you divide the work between each other? Malky:

in developing healthy recipes.

• Once the food is made, I decide how to style the food. If you’ve ever seen our content, you’ve seen some of the cooler ideas we’ve done. This is the part I love. Deciding how much food to present. How to place the food on the plate. The direction of the food that will be facing the camera. So many little details • We search online for inspiration, pictures, and that make a huge difference. ideas. We narrow down our search based on concepts • Yossi is incredible with setting up backgrounds that talk to us. and props. More often than not, you’ll find Yossi • Once we’ve decided on a general direction, Yossi, surrounded by strange pieces of wood and his tools. being the foodie between us, works on coming up He manages to create mind-blowing props out of with recipes. Again, he scans his brain for ideas, com- mere scraps of trash. We scout out building sites and bining ideas he’s seen in a dozen different places to find scraps of stuff that have already been used and concoct something new. abused. While most people would see these items as • Before we settle on a recipe, there’s one crucial trash, we see a story. We sand it, paint it, and repurfactor we consider. The food we make needs to look pose it for whatever brainwave Yossi came up with, good. I literally have this vision of the end photo in while keep the character of the specific piece. • First we look at the upcoming feature. Wellspring appears once a month, which means it will likely connect to a Yom Tov or season. We brainstorm. Which foods connect to say, Chanukah? Back to school? Summertime?

my head and do anything to achieve it.

• We make our own inspired backgrounds and props to create a visual experience around the foods we • The next step is buying ingredients. If we’re doing created. a Wellspring project, we work hard to come up with the best ingredients. We refuse to compromise on • Finally, we shoot those photos. A photoshoot can taste in any way, so lots of trial and error is involved take as long as 8–10 hours of singularly focused work!

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FROM THE ARCHIVES

Salmon, Avocado, and Mango Stack Salmon, avocado, and mango make an amazing trio that’s not too heavy for the start of a meal. Leftover cooked salmon from a previous meal works perfectly for this recipe. The best thing about this dish is that you can have all the components ready, and simply assemble everything just before serving. To keep the avocado from turning brown, squeeze a little lemon juice over it once it’s cut. For a beautiful presentation, layer as shown in the photo. If you don't have the time to do so, simply layer in a wine glass.

3 salmon fillets, skin removed olive oil salt and pepper 2 avocados, sliced thinly 1 large mango, cubed 1 lemon greens, for garnishing

Preheat oven to 425°F. Lay a sheet of aluminum foil on the kitchen counter and arrange salmon fillets on it. Pat salmon dry, brush with olive oil, and season with salt and pepper. Wrap up salmon well and place on a baking sheet. Bake for 15–20 minutes. Meanwhile, arrange avocado slices in a circle using a metal ring. Keep the ring in place, and fill with cubed or mashed avocado pieces (using leftover slices). Next, layer the cubed mango in the ring. Once salmon is cooked, squeeze juice of half the lemon over it. Using a fork, flake the salmon. Place on top of mango. When everything is in place, remove the ring. Slice remaining lemon half, and use it to decorate the plate, along with some greens.

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Matar Semillon Sauvignon Blanc 2020

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FROM THE ARCHIVES

Beet Carpaccio with Citrus Fruits This beet carpaccio is an absolute powerhouse of color and flavor — not to mention being exceptionally healthy. Beets are a superfood and are particularly good for healthy blood flow. You can use an assortment of colored beets if they’re available — otherwise, stick to the vibrant purple ones. The darker the color, the higher the amount of antioxidants. The oranges not only complement the flavor, but also create a magnificent color palette. I used a combination of regular and bloody oranges. Grapefruit works well here too.

5 beets, thinly sliced (mandolin slicer recommended) 2 oranges, segmented 1 blood orange, segmented 2 cups arugula or lettuce 2 cucumbers, sliced lengthwise 1 cup toasted walnuts, for topping Dressing ¼ cup olive oil juice of ½ lemon 1 Tbsp honey ½ tsp salt ¼ tsp ground black pepper

Alternate slices of beets and orange segments around a serving dish. Roll up some cucumber ribbons and scatter them around. Place arugula in the center and add more citrus fruits and cucumbers. In a container, place all dressing ingredients and shake to combine. Dress just before serving. Top with toasted walnuts.

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Roubine La Vie en Rose 2020

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FROM THE ARCHIVES

Roasted Cornish Hens with Sticky Pomegranate Glaze If you're looking for a change from traditional roast chicken, try this delicious Cornish hen recipe. It will add a touch of elegance to a meal, as each person gets their own. Cornish hens can be prepared in a similar way to any chicken recipe, but I love this recipe as it is not only simple, but visually pleasing too. Pomegranate adds a beautiful color to the dish, elevating it to another level, as well as increasing its nutritional value. I think this is going to be one of your Pesach family favorites.

4 Cornish hens, thoroughly cleaned 8–10 colored baby carrots 2 cups mini root vegetables (or chunk regular vegetables) 2 Tbsp olive oil salt and pepper, for seasoning 1 cup pomegranate arils, for garnishing Pomegranate Glaze 2 cups pomegranate juice 2 Tbsp honey ½ lemon

Les Roches de Yon-Figeac 2016

Preheat oven to 400°F. Pat Cornish hens dry and place in a roasting pan. Peel baby vegetables, toss in olive oil, and add to pan. Season everything generously with salt and pepper. Bake for 40 minutes, or until chicken is tender. Meanwhile, prepare the pomegranate glaze. In a small pot, place pomegranate juice, honey, and a squeeze of lemon juice. Bring to a boil, then allow to reduce to form a syrupy sauce. It should take around 30 minutes. Remove Cornish hens from oven and pour sauce over them. When serving, scatter roasted root veggies around Cornish hens and serve with some fresh pomegranate arils on the side.

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FROM THE ARCHIVES

Potato Gratin Potato gratin is the perfect side dish to either a midweek meal or a festive banquet. There’s something so comforting in the layers that make it a real treat. For this recipe, I've used a mixture of colored potatoes and sweet potatoes. Not only does this make for a vibrantly-colored dish, it’s also a healthier and tastier option.

2 Tbsp olive oil, divided 3 large potatoes, peeled 3 sweet potatoes, peeled 5 purple potatoes, peeled 2 tsp salt 1 tsp garlic powder 1 cup chicken stock

Preheat oven to 425°F. Smear or spray olive oil on to the bottom and sides of an ovenproof baking dish to prevent potatoes from sticking. Slice potatoes, sweet potatoes, and beets using a food processor or a mandolin. Alternatively, use a very sharp knife and slice as thinly as possible. Create stacks of alternating colors and arrange them in rows in the dish, making sure the dish is tightly packed. Sprinkle with salt and garlic powder. Pour chicken stock over the stacks. (This helps speed up the cooking process and adds flavor.) Spray or drizzle with remaining olive oil. Cover tightly with aluminum foil and bake for 1 hour. Remove foil and bake uncovered for an additional 30 minutes. To check if potatoes are thoroughly cooked, insert tip of a knife. It should pierce the stacks easily.

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Hagafen Dry Riesling 2020

FROM THE ARCHIVES

Poached Pears in Chocolate Wine Sauce This dessert is both elegant and delicious. Think chocolate, wine, and pears and you just know it's going to be great. Choose nice ripe pears that will hold their shape when cooked; and a semi-dry red wine for a fruity sauce that's not too heavy. I always make sure my guests have a knife and fork to tackle this dessert. A spoon doesn’t do the job.

5 ripe pears, peeled 1 bottle semi-dry table wine 4 Tbsp honey 1 bar dark chocolate chopped nuts (optional)

In a large saucepan, arrange pears in an upright position. Pour in wine, making sure pears are fully submerged. Bring to a boil, then simmer for 25 minutes, making sure pears are submerged the entire time. Remove pears from wine and place in a cocktail glass. Measure 1 cup of remaining wine and transfer to a small pot. Heat until almost boiling, lower heat, and add chocolate, whisking rapidly. Remove from heat and keep stirring until you have a glossy sauce. Pour some sauce over each of the pears and serve with a sprinkling of chopped nuts.

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Herzog Late Harvest Zinfandel 2018

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EAT WELL

The Other Side of the Cork Health and Wine Consumption, an Ongoing Discussion By Yael E. Geller, MPH 372

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A look at health trends over the last 20–30 years reveals some interesting phenomena. Nutrition and healthy living are not only a hot topic of conversation, but they’re also a highly debated area of scientific study. Some of us may remember when low-fat diets were all the rage, or when eggs were posited to cause high cholesterol. Ever-developing sophisticated technology available to scientists and researchers provides more opportunities for understanding how the human body processes different nutrients. We now have more insight into which foods are beneficial for our health at particular stages of life, and which types of foods are not recommended. One hotly debated topic, at least in our circles, is wine and alcohol consumption. We are aware of how important wine is in Yiddishkeit. At every life event we celebrate, be it a bris, wedding, or sheva berachos, wine is always present and an essential part of the ceremony. Clearly this beverage holds a spiritual significance. From a health perspective, too, people want to understand if wine consumption is recommended. Are there properties of wine that are beneficial to our health, or should we be abstaining from it and replace it with a substitute?

People often want to know which wine is better for health: red or white, sweet or dry. Studies have found that any type of wine is at least somewhat beneficial to most individuals. Red wine is hypothesized to have a higher content of polyphenols and antioxidants due to the contact the juice has with the grape skins during the fermentation process. The protective properties of wine may lead to a longer life, and it has also been found that individuals who consume 4–8 ounces of wine a day have lower bad cholesterol (aka LDL) and higher good cholesterol (aka HDL). This topic is hotly debated, however, because research can only identify correlations, not the actual effects of a particular nutrient or regimen.

Are the health properties of wine so influential that they protect the French from heart disease and cancer?

Ever heard of the French paradox? The French incorporate wine into one to two meals a day, and they eat copious amounts of butter, cheese, and meat, yet they seem pretty healthy overall compared to other nationalities, especially Americans. What gives? Are the health properties of wine so influential that they protect the French from heart disease and cancer? Possibly. Wine contains several antioxidants, most famously resveratrol, best known as a heart-protecting and anti-aging magical compound. Resveratrol and polyphenols (both antioxidants) help protect cells and blood vessels from damage by free radicals. They also promote healthy blood flow to the heart and brain, which may be why wine is linked to lower incidence of Alzheimer’s disease and dementia.

How much wine or alcohol should we be consuming? The simple answer is that a healthy woman can safely drink one glass a day and a healthy man up to two glasses a day. A glass measurement can often be misconstrued as whatever you want to interpret it as. While a glass measurement can be misconstrued due to personal interpretation, most health agencies recommend a 5-ounce glass as the standard measure. If you or your loved ones find yourselves struggling to stick to this guideline, it is crucial to step back from indulging and seek out a counselor equipped to deal with overconsumption or alcohol addiction.

As we approach Pesach, a wineheavy Yom Tov, it is essential to remember to discuss potential side effects with your physician before adding anything new to your diet. Alcohol impairs your ability to perform your regular work and drive a vehicle safely. Mixing certain medications with alcohol can lead to adverse effects, so alcohol must be completely avoided if you are taking a particular drug in this category. If you are not sure if your medications are safe to mix with alcohol, speak to your pharmacist, who will help you determine this information. And as with everything in health or nutrition, it is critical to consume and imbibe in moderation. L’chaim, to life!

Yael Geller holds a Masters of Public Health from George Washington University and is a long-time wine enthusiast.

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Heart.works

Go nuts with your Ice Cream ! The perfect topping for cakes, cookies and ice cream.

KOSHER FOR PASSOVER AND YEAR ROUND

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Pesach Munchies By the time you’re reading this, chances are your Pesach cooking is well underway—if not almost done. Appetizers, soups, main dishes, and desserts are all piled in the freezers or perfectly planned out. But wait, did you think about snacks? What will you eat when the cravings kick in, or during your Chol Hamoed outings? I thought about that for you! Here are two yummy recipes I created for when the munchies strike. Happy Snacking!

Charnie

Recipes, Styling, and Photography by Charnie Kohn

PESACH MUNCHIES

Apple Cinnamon Fruit Roll-Ups This recipe is the perfect snack for when your sweet tooth calls. I like to prepare the mixture at night and bake it overnight. You’ll wake up to an incredible aroma, with your sweet treat just waiting to be eaten!

Prep time: 45 minutes Yields: 10 roll-ups

4 red apples 1 Tbsp lemon juice 1 tsp cinnamon ¼ cup water Pinch of salt

Dice the apples and place them in a medium saucepan. Cover and cook over medium heat for 25–30 minutes. Once cooled, blend and pour into a cookie sheet lined with parchment paper. Preheat oven to 175°F. Spread mixture thinly and evenly and bake for 5–7 hours. Roll and cut into slices.

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PESACH MUNCHIES

Homemade Terra Chips Whether you use it for topping a salad or a hearty soup, or for munching between meals, your favorite snack is now kosher for Pesach! Prep time: 35 minutes

1 parsnip 1 potato 1 sweet potato 1 beet 2 tsp salt cooking spray

Preheat oven to 425°F. Use a mandolin slicer (or knife) to cut root vegetables into thin rounds. Spread on a greased rack and place on a cookie sheet. Season with salt, and spray with cooking spray. Bake for 10 minutes. Flip and bake for an additional 10 minutes or until slightly golden. You may need to do this in two or three batches. The chips will crisp up more once cooled. Store in an air-tight container.

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WELLBEING FEATURE

Stop Kvetching! 2 tbsp

Light and smooth and bursting with refreshing flavor, Heaven & Earth cold-pressed lemon juice is perfect in tea, lemonade, sorbet, dressings and baked goods. In this conveniently sized pouch, it’s just what you need to take your cooking to a new level.

100%

1 lemon 380

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Freshly Squeezed Juice

Artificial Flavors

SWA P White High-Gluten Flour

Almond Flour

Back in the day, almond flour only made an appearance in many kitchens on Pesach. When we’d taste a really good almond-flour based delicacy, we’d say, “We should really make this all year round.” Some of my favorite Pesach cakes have that rich dense texture and the nutty flavor thanks to almond flour. While almond flour is lower in carbs than wheat flours, it is higher in fat — but it’s monounsaturated, the healthy kind of fat, which is an essential nutrient. Almond flour can generally be substituted by wheat flour — and vice versa — at a 1:1 ratio, but keep in mind that the baked good will be end up being flatter and denser due to almond flour’s lack of gluten. It’s therefore a great choice for a dense chocolate cake, macaroons, and brownies.

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SWAP

Gluten-Free

Biscotti I’ll take any kind of cookie that’s intended to be eaten for breakfast with a cup of coffee. Extra points if it’s the kind you dunk into your coffee and let it melt in your mouth when you take a bite. The great thing about this biscotti recipe is that it’s healthy, so it’s a really great food to start off your day — Pesach and all year round.

2 cups almond flour ½ cup xylitol (or other sweetener) 1 tsp baking powder ½ tsp potato starch ¼ cup coconut oil, melted 1 egg, lightly beaten ½ tsp vanilla extract ¼ cup chopped pecans ¼ cup dried cranberries melted chocolate, for garnishing slivered almonds, for garnishing

Preheat oven to 325°F and line a baking sheet with parchment paper. In a large bowl, whisk together almond flour, xylitol (or other sweetener), baking powder, and potato starch. (I used a hand mixer.) Add melted coconut oil, egg, and vanilla extract, and stir until dough comes together. Add pecans and dried cranberries and mix. Transfer dough onto lined baking sheet and form into a low, flat log (approximately 10x4 inches). Bake for 25 minutes, or until lightly browned and firm to the touch. Remove from oven and let cool for 30 minutes. Reduce oven temperature to 250°F. With a sharp knife, gently cut into 15 even slices. Place slices back onto baking sheet, cut-side down, and bake for 15 minutes. Flip each slice and continue to bake for another 15 minutes. Turn off oven and let sit inside until cool. To garnish, dip into melted chocolate and sprinkle with slivered almonds.

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Chateau Piada Sauternes 2018

EAT WELL

COMMUNICATED

What Does Kosher.com Offer to Health-Minded Home Cooks? Plus, a peek behind the scenes at the site that’s all about kosher A conversation with Leah Gottheim, VP of Kosher.com By Malka Goldberger

How did you get involved with Kosher.com? A family friend of mine sent my resumé to Mordy Herzog. At that point, he didn’t even know that Mordy already had the idea for Kosher.com in his mind. His vision was to turn the site into the number one destination for people who cook kosher. Mordy saw I had experience in this area and so he hired me. I started by hiring a web firm and working with them to design and build the site. I also made partnerships with 384

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content partners.

How did the site look when you first launched? I was hired in January of 2016 and by the time we officially launched two weeks before Chanukah (one week after I returned from maternity leave!), we had almost 2,000 recipes. Now, we have about 8,000. During the time I was out, the team was working on uploading content to

STAGGERING GROWTH the site and starting to build out the launch plan.

What was the original vision for the site? It all started when Mordy Herzog’s daughter created a video of herself preparing apple kugel. She sent it to a few relatives, and it went viral. Ever the innovator, her father realized that there was a demand for kosher entertainment. From there, he followed through on his plan until it became a reality.

What does that reality look like today? For starters, we grew to over 8,000 recipes.

From the start, was health a focus for you? Health is definitely something our audience is interested in, but the number one topic people love is “quick and easy.” A huge part of our audience is busy moms, and Kosher. com has become a big resource for them. We’ve noticed that when we put out emails that offer quick and easy recipes, we get clicks. About two years in, we realized that we needed a contributor who would own the health niche and give our audience healthful, energizing better-for-you recipes. We brought in health coach Rorie Weisberg of Full N’ Free, and she has been a huge hit from the start. I personally make a lot of her recipes.

What does Rorie offer to your audience in addition to healthy recipes? We’ve done health challenges with her too. Her first one was a 10-day sugar-free challenge. Over 2,000 people, including myself, joined. We avoided added sugar for 10 days. We

Tracking the numbers from 2019 to 2020

6.5 MILLION (+ 45%)

Website Visits

2.8 MILLION (+ 67%)

Unique Visitors

21.3 MILLION (+ 32%)

Total Page Views

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Video Page Views

8.3 MILLION

had to check our labels before eating. She set up very specific guidelines and sent out emails every day. That was very successful. We got messages like “This changed the way I eat and the way I think about food.” A few months later, we did the mindfulness challenge. Every participant chose a commitment, such as sitting down when they make berachos. Sixteen hundred people joined and that went over very well too. The most recent one we did this year was a back-to-balance challenge. It was based on Rorie’s five keystone habits, which she put into the acronym SHAPE (sleep, hydration, attunement, physical activity, and eating) and we worked on them together. For this one, 1,700 people joined, and everyone chose one habit they would be focusing on. The most popular choice was hydration, by far.

If visitors to the site are specifically looking for healthy recipes, how can they find them? We have a large variety of healthy recipes by various contributors and nutritionists—including some from Wellspring’s Seasoned! Visitors can enter “healthy” into the search bar to see them all. We have allergen filters and diet filters too, such as gluten-free, keto, low-fat, low-carb, no refined sugar. Currently, we have 1,327 recipes with no refined sugar. These are not necessarily diabetic friendly—they may have silan and honey—but they contain no refined sugar. We also have a lot of roundups, which people love.

(+ 45%)

Recipe Page Views

Which of your healthy recipes are most popular?

Actually, visitors can see that themselves by sorting the recipes by “most popular.” If their focus is no refined sugar, Rorie’s apple crisp would earn that coveted spot. The kale and sweet potato sauté is also very popular.

MILLION (+ 34%)

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EAT WELL

Hello Wellspring readers! I hope you're having a fabulous Yom Tov.

I recently was on a call with someone and we both turned to Kosher.com to look something up. She commented that she was starting to get hungry just looking at all the delicious pictures! Truthfully, after working here long enough, I don't even notice anymore! But sometimes a recipe jumps out at me that calls my name and I have to immediately tap the "save to my favorites" button to make it later. Honestly, I don't go for the complicated menus. Healthy, easy, and delicious recipes are my jam. There is a whole world of mouthwatering recipes on Kosher.com with healthy, wholesome ingredients. Of course, the most important factor is that my kids will actually eat it! (Even if that list of kid-acceptable foods changes day to day. I'm sure many of you can relate.) In the next few pages, you’ll find some of my favorites. For me, working at Kosher.com, Pesach is the busiest season of the year at work and at home, but more so than ever this year. Our beautiful new app is the culmination of 6 months of work. You wouldn't believe what goes into creating something like this unless you've done it yourself! I am so thrilled to finally launch it for everyone to enjoy. We're launching a contest soon with fabulous prizes in honor of the app launch, so stay tuned!

Wishing you a healthy, happy, enjoyable Pesach,

Leah Gottheim VP of Kosher.com

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EAT WELL

Pesach Apple Kugel (Gluten Free) Recipe By Nitra Ladies Auxiliary We love that this kugel doesn't contain a lot of sugar. Choose a sweeter apple that will still hold up in the oven, like Honeycrisp or Pink Lady.

4 eggs, separated 1/2 cup sugar 8 apples, thinly sliced juice of 1/2 lemon 5 tablespoons Gefen Potato Starch 1 tablespoon oil 1/2 cup ground walnuts Beat egg whites until foamy. Gradually add sugar and continue beating until stiff. In a separate bowl, beat yolks and add rest of ingredients. Gently fold egg whites into batter. Bake in 8- x 10-inch or 9-inch round baking pan at 350 degrees Fahrenheit for one hour. Note: This kugel can also be made without beating egg whites. Variation: Omit potato starch and increase nuts to 1 cup.

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Fancy Fish with Hungarian Letcho Recipe By Dining In Letcho (stewed tomatoes and peppers) is delicious and comforting on its own; paired with salmon or white fish it becomes a full, soothing meal.

8 salmon or ﬂounder ﬁllets

Salt ﬁllets lightly and set aside in baking pan.

salt, for sprinkling

Cut onion in four and slice. Cut peppers into strips. Slice tomato in half and then in strips. Thinly slice carrot and squash.

1 onion 1 red pepper 1 green pepper 1 orange pepper 1 yellow pepper 1 tomato 1 carrot (optional) 1 squash (optional) 1 and 1/2 teaspoons salt

Sauté onion until golden. Add peppers and cook until almost soft. Add tomato and salt. Cook on low flame for 15 minutes. Add carrot and squash and cook for another 15 minutes or until somewhat soft. Pour on top of salted fillets and bake, covered, for 35 to 40 minutes at 350 degrees. Variation: For a fancier presentation, spread mayonnaise or ketchup (or a combination of the two) on fi llets and roll up. Fasten with a toothpick and top with vegetables. Bake as directed above.

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EAT WELL

Orange Fig Chicken Recipe By Sasha Salamon

These juicy roasted chicken thighs are flavored with sweet fig jam, oranges, and Dijon mustard.

6 to 8 chicken thighs kosher salt, to taste black pepper, to taste 1 tablespoon Gefen Extra-Virgin Olive Oil 1 cup Tuscanini White Fig Jam, room temperature 1 teaspoon Dijon mustard (see note below) 1/2 teaspoon garlic powder 1/2 teaspoon Gefen Onion Powder 3 oranges, Cara Cara preferred fresh parsley, to garnish

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Heat a cast-iron skillet over medium-high heat. Preheat oven to 400 degrees Fahrenheit. Season chicken with salt and pepper. Add oil to pan and brown chicken, five to seven minutes per side. Meanwhile, in a bowl, combine jam, mustard, garlic powder, onion powder, and the juice of one orange. Coat chicken with jam mixture. Slice remaining two oranges and scatter slices around the chicken. Roast (in the cast-iron skillet) 20 to 25 minutes. Spoon any sauce collected at the bottom of the skillet back over the chicken. Garnish with parsley and serve.

Vegetable Julienne Soup Recipe By Dining In Pretty to the eye and pleasing to the palate!

2 small carrots 1 leek 1 stalk celery 1 small turnip 3 outside cabbage leaves, shredded 1/2 medium onion, thinly sliced 1 tablespoon oil 1/8 teaspoon salt small pinch black pepper 1/8 teaspoon sugar 1 heaping tablespoon chicken soup mix (or parve chicken soup mix) 4 cups boiling water chopped fresh parsley

Cut carrots, leek, celery, and turnip into very thin strips about two inches long. Add cabbage and onion. In a medium saucepan, over moderate heat, in hot oil, stir vegetables. Add salt, pepper and sugar. Cook, covered, five minutes, or until vegetables are tender. Combine soup mix with water. Add to the saucepan; simmer over low heat for additional five minutes. Garnish with chopped parsley. Tip: To obtain thin carrot and turnip strips, try using a peeler or a julienne peeler. The shredder blade on your food processor can also do the job nicely.

EAT WELL

Crunchy Schnitzel with Veggie Chips Recipe By Paula Shoyer

12 slices thin chicken cutlets, about 2-3 pounds

Preheat oven to 450 degrees Fahrenheit.

4 tablespoons oil

Place two tablespoons oil on each of two jellyroll pans. Use a pastry brush to coat the entire pan with oil. If you need to bake a third batch, add one tablespoon oil to the pan and then heat the pan.

4 large eggs 3/4 cup Manischewitz Potato Starch 1 and 1/2 teaspoons turmeric 1 and 1/2 teaspoons garlic powder 1/2 teaspoon ground ginger 3/4 teaspoon salt heaping 1/4 teaspoon black pepper 2 (5-ounce) bags Heaven and Earth Veggie Salad Toppers 1 cup Haddar Gluten-Free Japanese Style Panko crumbs

Place the eggs into a shallow bowl and beat well. Place the potato starch into another shallow bowl. Add the turmeric, garlic powder, ginger, salt and pepper and mix well. Place the veggie sticks into the bowl of a food processor and chop into very small pieces. Place into a shallow bowl. Add the panko and mix well. Dip each piece of chicken into the potato starch to coat completely, shaking off excess, then into the beaten eggs, letting the excess drip off for at least 15 seconds, and then press into the crumb mixture to completely coat the chicken. Place the pieces on a dinner plate once they are ready. Line a cookie sheet with aluminum foil and place a cooling rack on top. When the oven is preheated, place the oilcoated pans into the oven and heat for five minutes. When the pans are hot, carefully remove one pan at a time and add the schnitzel pieces, without touching each other. Place back into the oven and bake for ten minutes. Turn over and bake for another five minutes. Rotate the pans halfway through so each pan has a turn on the bottom rack. Place baked schnitzel on the cooling rack to cool, to retain the maximum crunchiness, until serving.

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Chicken Vegetable Sauté Recipe By Dining In This quick and delicious one-pot chicken and vegetable meal is perfect for Passover and all year round. Main ingredients 2 pounds chicken cutlets 1/2 red pepper, thinly sliced 1/2 orange pepper, thinly sliced 1/2 yellow pepper, thinly sliced 1/2 green pepper, thinly sliced 1/2 small knob celery, diced 1 onion, diced oil for frying Marinade 6 tablespoons Baron Herzog Chenin Blanc or other white wine 2 teaspoons salt dash black pepper dash basil (optional) 2 teaspoons Gefen Garlic Powder 2 teaspoons sugar

Cut chicken into nugget-size pieces and place in food storage bag. Place vegetables into a separate food storage bag. Mix together marinade ingredients and divide between chicken and vegetables. Marinate for two hours. Heat oil in a large frying pan. Fry chicken until crisp, three to five minutes per side; remove from pan. In same pan sauté vegetables until soft. Add chicken to vegetables and mix; sauté for another five minutes.

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EAT WELL

Silver Tip Roast with Roasted Butternut Squash Recipe By Faigy Murray This easy and delicious roast is a win-win for any Yom Tov table. When I first got married I was terrified of cooking with delicate meats and stuck to roasts, with which I was familiar and comfortable. Now all these years later, while I have mastered many meats, I still turn to roasts. They are traditional. No fail. They remind me of my youth and are just perfect on the Yom Tov table. 1 3-pound silver tip or chuck roast coarse salt coarse ground Gefen Black Pepper 2 teaspoons oil 1 medium onion, diced 2 cloves garlic, crushed 2 medium carrots, cut into 1/2 inch dice 2 stalks celery, diced 1/2 cup Heaven and Earth Pomegranate Juice 2 cups chicken stock or Manischewitz Chicken Broth 1 small butternut squash, cubed (approximately 3 cups) Rub salt and pepper very well all over the meat. In a Dutch oven or heavy-bottomed pot heat the oil and add the meat. Sear the meat well on each side for about five to seven minutes. Remove the meat. Add the diced vegetables and garlic and sauté for about seven minutes until translucent. Add the meat back to the pot and add the juice and stock. Cover and let simmer for two to three hours. The last 45 minutes, add the diced butternut squash. Slice the meat when cold. Note: This recipe freezes great.

Savory Flanken Recipe By Dining In

This delicious, easy main dish is wonderful for Yom Tov or any special occasion. 3-4 onions, sliced 2-3 cloves garlic, crushed or 2-3 cubes Gefen Frozen Garlic 5 slices flanken 3 tablespoons onion soup mix (see note) 1/8 teaspoon black pepper 1/2 cup Alfasi Cabernet Sauvignon or other wine 1/4 cup water Layer the bottom of foil pan or roaster with sliced onions and garlic. Add flanken and remaining ingredients. Cover well so liquid doesn’t evaporate. Bake at 350 degrees Fahrenheit for three to four hours or until meat is very tender. Note: If you do not use onion soup mix on Pesach, mix three tablespoons sautéed onions with one teaspoon potato starch, spread over meat, for an “almost as good” substitute! Tip: This can be used as a main dish instead of a roast.

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Dried FruitStuffed Apples and Pears Recipe By Esty Wolbe

5–10 small apples or pears, or larger ones 2-3 cups chopped dried fruit 1 tablespoon Gefen Honey, diluted with a few drops of hot water 1-2 tablespoons Galilee's Delicacy Silan Date Syrup or honey (optional) cinnamon sugar (optional)

Halve your apples or pears through the stem. Using a melon baller, scoop out the seeds from both halves. Brush halves with diluted honey to stop browning. Spray knife with cooking spray and chop dried fruits into small cubes Toss dried fruit with silan and stir to incorporate. Stuff dried fruit into the wells of the cut apples and pears, packing it in tightly. Sprinkle with cinnamon sugar and bake at 350 degrees Fahrenheit for about 25 minutes. 396

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Dinner is Served

Introducing the all-new Kosher.com App. Search and find top quality recipes, videos, tips and articles for every occasion, in an all-new, convenient app.

TIDBITS

GOOD-FOR-YOU PESACH CARBS

By Perl Lipsker, RDN

On Pesach, when most whole grains are off limits, how can you get your carb fill without spiking your blood sugar and inducing lethargy? Here are four top options that provide substantial nutritional benefits as well. 400

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Go Low on the Fructose White Potato Despite being shunned by many in the weight-loss/health community, the white potato is a completely natural and even nutritious food. While consuming it in large quantities with heaps of butter or in its fried form may trigger a blood-sugar spike and contribute to health and digestive issues, enjoying a decent portion of mashed potatoes or baked potato cubes will promote satiety and provide a good source of vitamins C and B6, manganese, phosphorus, niacin, and pantothenic acid.

Quinoa This is another increasingly popular food that can be incorporated into your Yom Tov meals. It’s an excellent source of protein, fiber, iron, copper, thiamin, and vitamin B6. Please consult with your rabbinic authority regarding consumption of quinoa on Pesach.

Whole Grain Matzah While consuming white matzah in large quantities at every meal will leave you feeling heavy and can severely impact the digestive process, around a k’zayis of whole grain matzah such as whole grain spelt is an excellent carb choice. Whole grain spelt is dense in fiber, essential amino acids, and nutrients like iron, magnesium, and zinc.

Sweet Potato This is my go-to breakfast carb on Chol Hamoed and works as an excellent side at the seudah’s main course. Sweet potatoes are a rich source of fiber, and they contain an array of vitamins and minerals including iron, calcium, selenium. They’re a good source of most of our B vitamins and vitamin C.

An excess of fructose negatively impacts the immune system Commonly found in sugary drinks, sweets, and processed foods, fructose, which makes up 50 percent of table sugar, is used widely in food production. It is associated with obesity, type 2 diabetes, and non-alcoholic fatty liver disease, and its intake has increased substantially throughout the developed world in recent years. But now, research has found that fructose negatively impacts the immune system as well. The new study, published in Nature Communications, found that fructose causes inflammation in the immune system. Low-level inflammation is often associated with obesity, so this study gives a deeper understanding of the link between diabetes and obesity. Lead author Dr. Nick Jones, of Swansea University’s Medical School, says, “Research into different components of our diet can help us understand what might contribute to inflammation and disease and what could be best harnessed to improve health and wellbeing.”

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NEW COLUMN!

Recipes and Text by Elky Friedman Styling and Photography by Pessi Piller

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ENERGIZE y k l E ith Hi all,

I’m excited to join the Seasoned team and to share wholesome, nourishing, and delicious recipes with you. To me, healthy cooking is practically in my blood. It started with my mother, who was way ahead of her time. She’s been into nutrition for as far back as I can remember, doing the trend even before it was a trend. I don’t think anyone thought of her as weird because we still took regular snacks to school, but at home, tofu was a supper when everyone was only eating schnitzel and meatballs. She avoided margarine at a time when it was a given in too many recipes. She would also give us a tablespoon of cod liver oil every day, minding our health from a very natural perspective. So I grew up with healthy food as the norm, but not in a weird or restrictive way. Thanks to her balanced approach, this way of living became natural to all of us. Tamar Feldman, my sister (and fellow Wellspring contributor), is a registered dietitian. I’m a health coach, a fitness instructor, and the creator of the Power of Wholesome snack line. I started this line because often, when I would advise my clients to eat a healthy snack, they would ask “Which one?” There are many dietetic products available on the kosher market, but in most of them, nutrition is not prioritized. And to me, that’s most important. As a recipe developer, I’ve been able to play around with ingredients and create a full line of good-for-you snacks like energy bites, granola bars, and biscotti. Over time, I’ve expanded the line to include more flavors, such as chocolate, peanut butter, and coconut, and to sell my products in all major grocery stores in many large Jewish communities. It helps that in addition to my appreciation and passion for health, I absolutely love creating recipes. For me, experimenting in the kitchen is a joy and I’m looking forward to sharing the results of my work with you in these pages.

See you in my kitchen,

Elky Friedman

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ENERGIZE

Roasted Vegetable Medley with LemonGarlic-Basil Dressing Roast your favorite veggies, drizzle with a rich flavorful dressing and you’ve got the perfect healthy side dish to accompany any Yom Tov meal! Broccoli and cauliflower are a plentiful source of vitamins, minerals, and fiber. Plus, all these vegetables are loaded with antioxidants, which help ward off illnesses and disease. Regardless, this dish is just so good, you’ll be reaching for more.

1 24-oz bag broccoli

Dressing

1 24-oz bag cauliflower

⅓ cup olive oil

1 24-oz bag butternut squash cubes

3 Tbsp lemon juice

1 red onion, diced 3 Tbsp olive oil

3 cloves garlic, crushed

2 tsp salt

1 Tbsp honey

2 tsp garlic powder

2 tsp dried basil

2 tsp Italian seasoning

½ tsp salt ½ tsp pepper

Preheat oven to 375°F. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper and grease with cooking spray. Spread broccoli, cauliflower, butternut squash cubes, and diced red onion on the baking sheet. Drizzle olive oil, salt, garlic powder, and Italian seasoning. Toss to coat all vegetables. Bake uncovered for 25–30 minutes. Meanwhile, prepare the dressing by combining olive oil, lemon juice, crushed garlic, honey, basil, salt, and pepper in a jar or container and shaking well. Drizzle dressing over vegetables right before serving. Serve warm. Enjoy!

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Flam Blanc 2019

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ENERGIZE

Decadent Pear ‘n’ Chocolate Crumble

Psagot Prat

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This melt-in-your-mouth dessert tastes divine! Super light and refreshing, it’s just perfect after a full Yom Tov meal. Plus, it solves your sweet tooth quest without loading your body with sugar. 5 Bosc (brown) pears, peeled and thinly sliced (see note) 3 Tbsp orange juice 1 3.5-oz bar 70% (or 85%) dark chocolate Crumble 1¾ cups almond flour 3 Tbsp pure maple syrup 1 tsp oil 1 tsp vanilla ½ tsp cinnamon Preheat oven to 350°F. In a baking dish (or any pan you choose), place sliced pears and drizzle with orange juice. Use a peeler to shave chocolate bar directly over pears. (If you prefer it to be less “chocolaty,” use only half or three-quarters of the bar.) Meanwhile, prepare the crumble: Combine almond flour, maple syrup, oil, vanilla, and cinnamon. Sprinkle crumble over chocolate shavings and pears. Bake uncovered for 45 minutes. When warming up for a meal, keep covered. Serve warm or at room temperature. Note: Bartlett pears work too, but Bosc pears get cooked down more easily.

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In the pages of Wellspring, we share expert advice from some of the community’s most popular and competent dietitians and nutritionists. In this column, you get to see how they practice what they preach in their own kitchens. Pull up a chair at “My Table” and join the chat.

What’s the one Pesach food you look forward to all year? Tell us about that special recipe or dish that conjures up fond images of the Yom Tov for you.

I love making this dessert/snack all year round, especially on Pesach. My dear mother-in-law introduced me to this concept and there was no looking back — it’s that good. Additionally, the health benefits of this mousse easily surpass those of any Pesach dessert. Creamy Avocado Mousse 5 super ripe avocados juice of 5 oranges juice of 3 lemons ½ cup sugar or sugar substitute Blend all ingredients in a food processor until a creamy, mousse-like consistency is obtained, usually 2–3 minutes. Serve in a martini or tall champagne glass. Garnish with a slice of lemon. Serve chilled. This dessert does not last too long in the fridge as the avocados may oxidize.

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Tamar Feldman, RDN, CDE:

Compiled by Shiffy Friedman

Shaindy Oberlander, BS, INHC:

THIS MONTH

PESACH FAVORITES

Falshe fish is one traditional Pesach food that we all love. I serve it cold in place of gefilte fish. 1 lb ground chicken 1 small onion 1½ stalks celery ½ carrot 1 egg 1½ tsp of salt 2 Tbsp hot water ¼ cup sugar 2–3 quarts of water spiced with paprika, ¼ cup sugar, and 1¼ tsp of salt Place ground chicken in a large bowl. Grind vegetables in a food processor and add to the bowl. Add egg, salt, hot water, and sugar. Mix well. Refrigerate for 1 hour, or freeze for 20 minutes to firm up the mixture. Bring spiced water to a boil. Roll balls of chicken mixture and drop into boiling water. Re-boil, lower to a simmer, then cover and cook on a low flame for 1 hour.

Line a baking pan or freezer container with parchment paper.

Pesach Rolls (gebrochts) 1 cup water ½ cup oil 1 tsp salt

Straight from nature the way Hashem created it!

2 cups matzah meal

Combine water, oil, and salt in a saucepan over medium-high heat and bring mixture to a boil. Once boiling, remove from heat. Add in matzo meal and incorporate into mixture, then add eggs. With wet hands, scoop up one handful (approximately ¼ cup) of dough into the shape of your preference and place on lined baking sheet. Leave some space between the rolls because they will expand slightly. Bake for approximately 45 minutes, or until rolls are golden brown. Yields approximately 15 rolls

This is my mother-in-law’s triedand-true favorite Pesach recipe, hands down, according to all the kids and grandkids. It is a real tradition in the Glassberg home and she’s happy to bake it every year — a few batches of them. Mandelbroidt (gebrochts) 5½ cups cake meal 1½ cups potato starch 1 tsp salt 3½ cups sugar 2 cups oil 12 eggs, plus more for brushing 2 tsp vanilla extract 1¼ tsp almond extract chocolate chips 1 cup chopped walnuts cinnamon and sugar, for sprinkling

4 eggs Preheat oven to 350°F. Line a baking sheet (or a few baking sheets if you’re multiplying the recipe) with parchment paper.

Gila Glassberg, RDN, Intuitive Eating Coach:

Bashy Halberstam, INHC:

The dish that we look forward to and greatly enjoy on Pesach is orange ices. The beauty of this recipe is that it’s easy, juicy, yummy, and healthy! It’s super refreshing and we all enjoy it. Although this is something that could be enjoyed all year round, for us, it’s a special Pesach dish.

Peel and separate oranges into segments. Place them in a single layer onto parchment paper. You can top it with another piece of parchment paper and add as many layers as fit into the container. Freeze and enjoy.

Shira Savit, MA, MHC, INHC

Esti Asher, RDN:

Simplicity is the name of my game during Pesach (and during the year — let’s be real!). Stocking up a kitchen from scratch gives me a renewed sense of appreciation for the basics. Roasted vegetables and fresh salads are abundant in our home on Pesach and throughout the year. However, the one recipe that I find myself recreating every Pesach is a version of my grandmother’s Pesach rolls. I always double the recipe (at least) and save a stash in the freezer since they disappear quickly!

I don’t have one specific favorite Pesach dish but last year I made very easy homemade “ice cream” and it was an exciting dessert that my whole entire family enjoyed. Blend frozen bananas, walnuts, a drop of maple syrup, and a dash of cinnamon in a food processor, and then pour the mixture into a container. Stir in some dark chocolate chips and place in the freezer. I’m looking forward to making this again this Pesach!

Preheat oven to 350°F. In a large bowl, mix cake meal, potato starch, and salt. In another bowl, mix sugar, oil, eggs and beat well. Add the extracts. Fold dry ingredients into wet ingredients. Add chocolate chips and nuts. Oil hands, form dough into two logs, and place on a parchment-lined baking sheet. Brush a beaten egg over logs and sprinkle with cinnamon and sugar. Bake for 35–45 minutes. Remove logs from oven and reduce heat to 250°F. Slice the mandelbroidt and return to oven for an additional 20 minutes. Let cool before serving.

WELLSPRING / NISSAN 5781

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Shani Taub, CDC:

Our variety of foods is more limited on Pesach, but that’s when I love to get creative with the foods that we can eat. The one Pesach food I look forward to all year would be my noodle kugel. It’s delicious, filling, and healthy too. Lightened-Up Pesach Noodle Kugel 1 pkg (12 oz) kosher L’Pesach egg noodles (or substitute with 12 oz homemade egg lukshen) 1 pint reduced-fat cottage cheese 1 pint fat-free sour cream 1¼ cups zero-calorie sweetener 2 eggs 2 egg whites ½ can (8 oz) crushed unsweetened pineapple, drained 2–3 tsp cinnamon, for topping

Yaffi Lvova, RDN:

Tanya Rosen, MS, CPT:

MY TABLE

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WELLSPRING / APRIL 2021

1 cup cooked quinoa, cooled

Add whatever else appeals to you and enjoy!

Eli Glaser, CNWC, CWMS:

Yields 6 servings

Every year I look forward to my quinoa breakfast bowls (our minhag is to eat it on Pesach): quinoa, yogurt, and fruit. It’s a very satisfying way to begin the day.

½ cup or more chopped bananas

Cook noodles as directed on package. Drain and rinse in cold water.

Bake for 50–60 minutes until light golden brown on top. Serve warm or at room temperature.

Sauté onions in a saucepan. Peel zucchini and cut into rounds, then add to onions. Add processed tomatoes and spices as desired and cook for about 20 minutes until zucchini is soft. Enjoy!

½ cup plain yogurt

Preheat oven to 350°F. Coat a 9x13-inch baking pan with cooking spray and set aside.

In a large bowl, mix together cottage cheese, sour cream, sweetener, eggs, egg whites, and pineapple. Using a rubber spatula, gently fold in noodles. Mix thoroughly. Pour into prepared pan and sprinkle cinnamon evenly over the top.

I love squash cooked in fresh tomato sauce. It’s delicious!

I enjoy hash browns with melted cheddar cheese for my Chol Hamoed breakfast. Sauté a combination of diced potatoes and sweet potatoes in a skillet with kosher salt, pepper, and a little paprika until brown on all sides. Add shredded cheddar cheese to the pan and cook until it melts thoroughly. Serve with a sliced orange on the side for a complete breakfast.

Pair us with a fine wine. We both age well.

Aging in a good mood!

Much like our traditions.

CHOLOV YISROEL

MOZZARELLA

MUENSTER

CHEDDAR

EDAM

HAVARTI

COLBY

MONTEREY JACK

MARBLE

CHEESE BLOCKS WELLSPRING / NISSAN 5781

mooddairyfarms

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FROM THE ARCHIVES

RESPIRATORY BOOST BY YOSSI & MALKY LEVINE

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Breathing. We do it all the time — without even thinking. Only when it becomes difficult, or painful do we even give it any thought. With many dealing with the repercussions of COVID-19, a respiratory boost has never been more important.

¾ cup freshly squeezed orange juice

This juice will not only help up the strength of your respiratory system, but it will actually fill you with a zingy boost of energy. The best part? It tastes delicious!

1 cup fresh or frozen pineapple chunks

WELLSPRING / APRIL 2021

juice of 1 lemon ¾ cup freshly squeezed carrot juice

2 Tbsp honey ½ inch fresh ginger

Why these foods for respiratory health?

Pineapple contains the enzyme bromelain, which helps the lungs remove debris, and detox naturally.

Ginger has been used as a healing root for centuries. Ginger also reduces lung inflammation and helps break down mucus, making it easier for the body to expel air.

Honey is a natural anti-inflammatory. If bronchial tubes are inflamed, making breathing difficult, adding honey to a shake will help break up mucus and also help build up immunity.

Lemon juice

Orange juice

contains high amounts of Vitamin C, and specifically plant compounds which help fight off lung conditions. In fact, a home remedy for respiratory issues is simply to dissolve lemon juice in warm water.

may be helpful to your lung health, as it provides Vitamin C, which is known to improve lung function.

FROM THE ARCHIVES

BOOST YOUR IMMUNITY BY YOSSI & MALKY LEVINE

As spring is approaching, allergies are on the rise. Weather change is also a time where many of us end up feeling “under the weather.” It’s a time when your immune system can use a good boost. On those days when you neither have the energy or motivation to make anything proper to eat, freshly pressed juice can go a long way in supplying much-needed nutrients.

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1 medium beet, chopped 3 medium carrots, chopped 1 orange, rind, pith, and seed removed ½ lemon, rind, pith, and seed removed

This particular one starts with a base of fruits and vegetables to which fresh ginger and turmeric root are added. Turmeric, with its earthy flavor pairs nicely with root vegetables like carrots and beets, which offer their own anti-inflammatory properties. The lingering heat of ginger helps numb scratchy throats and clear up those sinuses, while the orange and lemon supply vitamin C.

fresh ginger (1-inch piece)

It’s fresh, it’s bright, and it comes to the rescue, soothing sore throats, easing congestion, settling upset stomachs, and, as a bonus, offering a welcome dose of energy.

Fresh juice is best enjoyed immediately, but you can store it in an airtight container and refrigerate for up to 3 days.

WELLSPRING / APRIL 2021

fresh turmeric (2-inch piece)

Add all ingredients to a juicer and serve over ice.

Carrots

Why these foods for immunity?

Beets boost your immune function and help prevent chronic diseases from developing. They are packed with vitamins, minerals, and antioxidants. According to the U.S. Department of Agriculture, nutrients in beets are responsible for this immune support, including vitamin C, folate, manganese, iron, and phytochemicals. Juicing them will get you the most nutrient content from each beet.

come in a variety of colors: purple, red, yellow, and white. Carrots contain vitamin C and antioxidants which help boost the immune system, prevent diseases, as well as reduce the severity of a cold and the length of time it lasts.

Oranges has an abundance of vitamin C, which strengthens our immune systems by protecting cells and promoting the production and function of immune cells. One 8-ounce glass of OJ provides 120% of your recommended daily value!

Turmeric Ginger is filled with immune-boosting benefits. It’s antibacterial and helps support the immune system, prevents nausea, and soothes a sore throat or upset stomach. Ginger is also a natural blood thinner and contains a phenolic anti-inflammatory compound called gingerol that is responsible for relaxing blood vessels.

should be added to your cold and flu prevention regimen. Turmeric is a natural way to help protect the immune system, increasing the immunomodulating capacity of the body. Try adding extra turmeric to your diet during periods of stress or during flu season to help give your immune system a boost.

RANDOM

NEW COLUMN!

Age: 31 Location: Waterbury, Connecticut

Questions

Occupation: freelance photographer

for

Family: married, 4 kids

Rochie K.

My favorite health food: Hands down, it’s medjool dates! I love them plain, stuffed with almond butter, or in a smoothie. (Lately, I’m loving the chocolate smoothie from Earth Diet’s recipes: almond milk, cacao powder, a banana, and some dates.) Dates make everything sweet; I think of them as Hashem’s candy. One of my favorite ways to use dates is to combine a few with a sliced apple, some cinnamon, and fresh lemon juice, pulse for several seconds in the food processor, then top with crushed nuts.

One misconception I used

One food I avoid at all costs: Snacks with MSG. Not that the other snacks are that lovely—even if they’re just potatoes and oil (usually corn oil or the like) that are so processed, the body doesn’t know what to do with them! But still, I believe there are levels of awfulness. There are plenty of snacks that don’t contain MSG and a long list of other completely unpronounceable ingredients, so why not opt for those?

to have about health:

That there’s only one way to do it right. When I first started learning more about different forms of healing, I became very set on specific diets or methods. But the more I learned, the more I realized there are so many pathways to healing and one size never fits all. Hashem created such an intricate, amazing world, and the human body is so complex. Why would we think that there is only one form of healing, that the only legitimate way to go is pharmaceutical-derived, petroleum-based medicine and that everything else is quackery? When you look at it from that perspective, it seems ridiculous.

I wish I had one. I love the idea of yoga, in theory for sure. How often I do it, though, is another question!

One interesting thing I’ve learned about health: It’s more than just about food. Of course, we know that the food we eat plays a major role in our hishtadlus toward health. But the truth is that our environment matters too. The air we breathe, the water we drink, and the products we use. From things like furniture (pure wood is always better than particle board or such materials, usually made with formaldehyde), to personal care or household cleaning products. I try to use the simplest, cleanest products I can find—less ingredients, and free of dyes, perfumes, and chemicals.

Healthy supper in a pinch:

Potatoes!

Yeah, I know potatoes are carbs, so they’ve gotten some bad rap, but they’re still so full of nutrients, like vitamins C and B6, potassium, and manganese. We like them in any shape or form here, whether cooked, baked whole, or sliced into fries in the Betty Crocker. Here’s another one that I personally don’t love, but surprisingly, my kids do! Just throw some beans (I like cholent mix) in the crock pot with spices, cook as long as you like, then add some rice.

Favorite health book: Janie Bowthorpe’s books, Stop the Thyroid Madness, and Hashimotos: Taming the Beast, were life-changing for me. High up on my must-read list are How to End the Autism Epidemic, by J. B. Handley, as well as the new book, Imagine You Are an Aluminum Atom: Discussions with Mr. Aluminum, by Professor Chris Exley.

To answer these questions for an upcoming issue, please write to info@wellspringmagazine.com, subject title “Random.”

My favorite exercise:

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