JOURNEY OF A BISEXUAL INDIAN WOMEN: A CASE STUDY

Dr.PoojaVarma

JOURNEY OF A BISEXUAL INDIAN WOMEN: A CASE STUDY

ABSTRACT

Bisexuality,

ThepresentresearchimbibedthejourneyofabisexualIndianwomen'sstruggleinBangalore,thesiliconvalleyofIndia,pertainingtodiscriminationattheplaceof work,alienationduetostigma,havingtomoveawayfromhome,lackofacceptancebyfamilymembers,andsoforththatapparentlycontributetofeelingsofguilt,lack ofself-acceptance,isolationandloneliness,unmetemotionalneedsandsuchsimilarissuesbasedondimensionsofminoritystressmodel. Difficultiesaroundfinding same-sexpartnerscanbereasonedtobeconsequencesofinternalisedhomophobiaandwith-ingroupdiscrimination.However,theexperiencesincasestudymaybe unique to the participant and an exploration of the prevalence of such trends is required.The implications accentuated the responsibility of culturally-sensitive or multicultural adapted therapists to attend to issues of race, gender identity and sexual orientation while envisaging a good support structure that would aid in the development of the participant's sexual identity as well, while having her exposed to variety of experiences, which may have otherwise been impossible in her conservativesocialcircles.

KEYWORDS:Bisexuality,Homophobia,Discrimination,Socialsupport,Multicultural,India.

InIndia,sexualactivitywithmembersofbothsexesisdiscussedintextssuchas Kamasutra, and depicted in art and sculpture such as Rajasthani paintings and Khajuraho sculptures. While discourse about bisexuality may be surfacing in recenttimes,it'sasoldashumancivilisation.Itpre-datesevolutionofhumans.

Thebisexualityasdescribedasanattractiontobothmenandwomen,thereare studies that propose it as a defence against homosexuality Homosexuality has beenseeninvaryinglightthroughthehistoryoftheIndiansub-continent.The Vedicliteraturehasversesthatsomescholarsinterprettobereferencestohomosexualandtransgenderaffinities.ManyliteraryevidencessuggestthathomosexualitywasacceptedinancientIndiaandpeoplewithalternatesexualorientation orgenderidentitywerebynomeansconsideredanyinferiortotheheterosexual population.FurtheracommunityoftransgenderpersonsknownastheHijrawere reveredinancienttimes,encompassingVatsyayana'sKamasutrathathadaseparatechapteronhomosexuality However,inaconservativeIndiansociety,individuals who identify to have a sexual orientation other than the heterosexual norm,faceawiderangeofsocialandemotionaldifficultiesduetoalackoftoleranceandacceptance.

TherearequiteanumberofrecentIndianstudiesthatexaminevariousissuesof homosexual men and transgender women in particular, ranging from studies basedonMeyer'sminoritystressmodel,accessibilityofhealthcare,occurrence ofdepression,alcoholandsubstanceabuse,riskfactorsforsexuallytransmitted infectionsanddiseases,discriminationfrommentalhealthprofessionalsandso on.Whilethesestudieshaveprovedusefulinidentifyingthelargepopulationfacingissues,theydonotidentifytheseveritynorhighlightthequalityofemotional andsocialissuesofsuchpopulation.Further,therearenegligibledataavailable onhomosexualwomenandbisexualpersons.

Theminoritystressmodel(Meyer,1995)explainsthatpopulationidentifiedasa minoritygroupsuchasasexualminoritylikeLGBindividualsoraracialminorityfacechronicallyhighlevelsofstressowingtodiscrimination,prejudiceand similarothersocialdifficulties. Theeffectsofsuchstressincludeahigherprevalence of stress related disorders among minority populations, including hypertension, cardiovascular diseases and mental illnesses. focuses on the higher occurrenceofmentalillnessesamongLGBindividualsandexplainsthecauses forthesameintermsoffollowingcomponents:Experiencesofprejudiceanddiscrimination,fearofrejectionandinternalisedhomophobiaandcopingstrategies todealwithchronicstress(Meyer,2003).

Consideringthescarcityofstudies,thepresentresearchaddressespsychological distressfacedbybisexualwomenexperiencingpsychologicaldistressthatmay beattributedtogeneralanxiety,depressionasapplicabletoaperson'spersonality traits and possible behaviour problems (e g , restlessness; feeling tense) (Narrain 2015.;RaoandJacob,2012).

The preponderance of the evidence suggests that bisexual individuals may or maynothidetheirsexualorientationandeitherwayareposedwithdifficultcircumstances,unlesstheirpreferencesareacceptedintheirimmediatesocialcir-

cles.Takentogether,theevidencefromthesestudiessupportstheminoritystress hypothesis that LGB populations are vulnerable to suicide ideation and attempt—although the evidence on adult lesbian and bisexual women is not as clear In addition to suppressed emotions, concealment prevents LGB people fromidentifyingandaffiliatingwithotherswhoaregay Thiswayofcopingcan also have a stressful impact (Miller & Major, 2000). For example, concealing one's stigma is a common way of coping with stigma and avoiding negative regard,yetittakesaheavytollonthepersonusingthiscopingstrategy(Smart& Wegner,2000).Theissuesaccentuatesthediscriminationattheirplaceofwork, alienationduetostigma,havingtomoveawayfromhome,lackofacceptanceby familymembers,substantiatedbyemotionalproblemssurroundingthefeelings ofguilt,lackofself-acceptance,isolationandloneliness,unmetemotionalneeds andsuchsimilarissues(Kalra,Gupta&Bhugra,2010).

CaseDescription:

Theparticipant,Ms.A,aged25years,employed,belongedtomiddlesocioeconomic status residing in Bangalore.Although her adjustment in life was quite evitablebutitcouldbeobservedthatshewasyettoovercomesomeissues.She wasappropriatelydressedandhadnodifficultyinspeech.Theeyecontactwas goodformostoftheinterviewperiodandsheappearedcomfortable.Theinterviewquestionsaremappedtothetheoreticalcomponentsoftheminoritystress modelandarepresentedinthecurrentsectionofthereportintheformofverbatim.However,thereweresomeinstanceswhereintheparticipantwishedtoavoid furtherquestionsonthetopicbeingdiscussed.Thedetailsofthesamehavebeen discussedbelowasrepresentedinthemes:

RESULTSANDDISCUSSION:

DevelopmentofSexualIdentity: Theparticipanthasacceptedhersexualorientationandconfidentlyidentifiesherselftobebisexual.Sheisquiteclearaboutwhathersexualorientationmeansto herandwhatsheexpectsfromherpartner Sheassertsthat'Myreligionconsiders homosexualactionsasmortalsinandfornowmyparent'signoranceismybliss butthey'llgettoknowonedaythatI'mbisexual.Sheassertsthat,'Incollege,a girlIthoughtwastheloveofmylifeignoresmeeverysingleday–whatwasthe solutionmybrainoffered?Killyourself!ThestrongestsuicidalthoughtI'vehad tilldate,anentirenightIwaslyingonmybednumbandthinkingofwaystoend my life. Here's where we thank religion again, suicide isn't really allowed you know so I got through that night and left the kitchen knife back in its place.' Researchoncontrary,suggeststhatwhileparents'andchildren'sreligiousparticipationisaprotectivebufferforheterosexualsuicidalyouth,theoppositeistrue fornon-heterosexualyouth(Sheareretal.2016).

It has been around two years since the participant realised that she is bisexual. Though having undergone difficulties in this period, the participant has had enoughtimeandexperiencestoovercomethem.Theparticipantwishedshewasn't bisexual at one point in time, though she does not feel the same at present. From being in a stage of confusion and contemplation to developing personal poweroverherrelationships,theparticipanthassignificantlyimprovedinterms ofemotionalstabilityandhasdevelopedheridentitytoaccepthersexualorienta-

AssistantProfessor,Psychology,SchoolofSciences,Jain(DeemedtobeUniversity),Bangalore,Karnataka,India.

duringtherecentyears,hasportrayedsignificantlylargeareasthatareyettoberesearched.InIndia,individualswithbisexualitymayormaynotrequireto hidetheirsexualorientationandeitherwayareposedwithdifficultcircumstances,unlesstheirpreferencesareacceptedintheirimmediatesocialcircles.Although researchontheemotionaldimensionoftheeventsexperiencedincaseofbisexualitymappedarerareespeciallyinIndia.

tion.

InternalisedHomophobia:

Theparticipantenduredharassmentatthehandsofherfewclassmatesduringher college days. It appears that she is yet to resolve the emotional difficulties that haverisenfromthis.However,wemaynotethattheparticipantexperiencedguilt onhavingattemptedtoconfrontherharasser.Itmayhavebeenpossiblethatthe harasserprojectedtheirownnegativeattitudesaboutalternatesexualorientation ontotheparticipant,havingalastingnegativeimpact (Logieetal.2012).

The participant expressed that she feels guilt while hiding certain information fromherparentsastheywouldnotapprove.Theparticipantfacesaconflicthere whereinshewishestoactaccordingtoherparents'expectationsyetisunableto let go of her own wants and wishes.Theparticipant may be experiencing guilt duetoherneedforpleasingherparents,whichmaybeaggravatedbythefearof severing her relationship with her parents. She retorted about her plight, 'I sufferedfromdepressionafewyearsago.AndIliveinquiteaconservativelocality Somepeoplemightjusttakeoffenceifsomebodytellsthemthatthey'regay Havinglearnthowweallhavefemininetraitsandmasculinetraitsandnotbeingable tocomprehendgenderambiguity,IwantedtotryrealhardtobringoutmyfemininityandIfailedmiserably Thecryingstoppedslowly,fromfourhoursadayto justanhouruntilitcompletelystopped.Iattendedthefirstpridemarchthisyear and I've finally started accepting myself. So I guess for me personally, it was importanttofindpeoplewhohadexperiencessimilartomineandwouldgetme. Havingpeopleyoucantalktomakesthingssomucheasier.’

Theseproblemsthoughmaynotpresentlyexist,seemtohavetroubledtheparticipantatonepointintime.Theparticipantshowedsomeresistancetowardssome of the questions asked, such as in the case of harassment and was more vocal regarding other responses including relationship with parents and challenges faced.The participant is hesitant to be open about her sexual orientation in her placeofwork,infearofgainingnegativeattention.However,themesofinternalisedhomophobiaasexplainedabovemayhoweverbeobservedthroughoutthe courseoftheinterview

ExperiencesofDiscrimination:

Thediscriminationfacedbytheparticipantfromwith-intheLGBTQIA+communitywasrathereye-opening.Theparticipantseemstohavefacedmajorchallengesduetoherinteractionwithlesbians,ratherthanfromheterosexualindividuals.Theparticipantalsocommentedregardingherexperienceswithherpsychiatristtobedissatisfactoryandwishesthatherpsychiatristwasmoreunderstandingregardingherissuespertainingtohersexualorientation.Bisexualindividualshaveemotionaldifficultiesdifferentfromheterosexualindividualsaswellas homosexual individuals. The participant has faced discrimination from homosexualpopulation,whichmaybereasonedasanoutcomeofinternalisedhomophobia in the homosexual individuals whom she has interacted with.As these homosexual individuals show a strong negative attitude towards bisexual individuals,theparticipanthashademotionaldifficulties,ataperiodoftimewhere shewasuncertainabouthersexualorientation.Theparticipantalsoremarksthat somelesbianshavetargetedherfornotbeing―queerenoughwhomayhavecontributedtotheparticipant'sfeelingsofisolationandloneliness.

Theparticipantdescribesherexperienceswithherpsychiatristtobedissatisfactory Mentalhealthprofessionalsmustdevelopsensitivitytowardstheissuesof sexualminoritieswhichmayaidthembettertohelptheirclients.However,the participantfeelsthatherdoctorleftherfeelingincapableofovercomingherdifficulties,duetotheirlackofjudgmentregardingtheseverityofherissues.Theparticipant has faced sexual harassment from her classmate in college. She was unabletoprotecthersafetyandbestinterestsatthetimeandstillpresentshesitationtodiscussthetopic.

ExpectationsofDiscrimination:

Thoughtheparticipanthasacceptedheridentityasabisexualwoman,sheishesitanttodisclosethesametoherco-workers.Thoughtheparticipantjustifiesthis asbeinganunnecessarydisclosureintheplaceofwork,shealsoremarksthatshe doesn'tlikebeingtalkedaboutandthusexpectsnegativeoutcomesofthisdisclosure.

Duetoenduredemotionaldifficultiescausedbybothhomosexualandheterosexualindividuals,theparticipanthaslearnttoexpectnegativeattitudesofhercoworkersaswell.Thoughtheoutcomeoftheparticipantdisclosinghersexualorientationtoherco-workersmaybeunknown,thefearhascertainlyaffectedher and the participant has developed a pessimistic outlook towards the society (Chakrapanietal.2015).Theparticipantalsosaysthatsheavoidscertainsocial situationssuchassleep-overswhichmaybeduetoprivateinconveniencesrather thanexpectationsofdiscrimination.

ExpectationsfromSociety:

Theparticipantwasquitevocalwhileexpressingherconcernsregardingsocietal evilssuchascorrectiverapeanddiscriminatorykillings.Correctiverapemaybe understoodasahomosexualindividualbeingforcedintosexualintercoursewith apersonfromtheoppositesexinviewtoalterorcorrectthesexualorientationof thehomosexualindividual.Theparticipantisoftheopinionthatthisisprevalent inlargenumbersinoursociety However,furtherstudyisrequiredtoanalysethe

prevalenceandseverityofthesame.Theparticipanthopestohavethefreedomto marryandperhapsstartafamilywithwhomsoevershechoosesandlooksforwardtothelegalisationofgaymarriageinIndia.

FindingSocialsupport:

Theparticipantremarksthatfindingfriendsandsocialsupporthavehadapositive impact on her as she is able to confide in another person who is better equippedtoexpressempathytowardsher Developingagoodsupportstructure for herself has aided in the development of the participant's sexual identity as well,whilehavingherexposedtovarietyofexperiences,whichmayhaveotherwisebeenimpossibleinherconservativesocialcircles.Majorityofthemwould liketoseetheirparentsasaresource,acceptmoreparentalguidance,andeven developamoreappropriateperspectiveonparentsaspeoplewithstrengthsand weaknesswithreflectivefunctioning(Fonagyetal.2002).Thetherapistortakingaprofessionalhelpmighthelpparentslearnsomeemotionalcoachingskills thatcanincreasetheirlisteningandattunementskills(Gottman, 2011).

Relationships:

Theparticipant'sapproachtoaromanticrelationshipgaveinsightintotheproblems faced by bisexual individuals while finding same-sex partners. This has beenamajorcontributingfactortothepsychologicaldistressoftheparticipant, asunderstoodbytheprogressionoftheinterview Theparticipantalsomentions thatshesometimesdatesbothmenandwomentogether,whileherpartnersbeing completelyawareofthesituation.Pastexperiencesoffindingsame-sexpartners have helped the participant develop strategies to avoid individuals who may objecttoherpractices. Difficultiesaroundfindingsame-sexpartnerscanbereasoned to be consequences of internalised homophobia and with-in group discrimination.However,theseexperiencesmaybeuniquetotheparticipantandan exploration of the prevalence of such trends is required. Attachment theorists refer to this as a “goal corrected” partnership where both sides are invested in maintainingtherelationshipandthusmorewillingtoenterintoa“giveandtake” relationship(Waters&Cummings,2000).

CONCLUSION:

InIndia,thechancesofapersonbeingconfusedabouthisorhersexualityareparticularlyhigh.Oneisexpectedtobenormal,whichisadescriptionofheterosexuality

Thepsychologicaldistress,therefore,facedbybisexualindividualshasaspects which bare some similarities to those faced by homosexual individuals while also having some aspects that are unique to bisexual individuals. Owing to the largeroccurrenceofpsychologicaldistressinbisexualindividuals,andthequeer community in general, there is a need for developing queer-inclusive therapy models,whileeducatingmental-healthprofessionalsregardingthetypeofproblemsfacedbysuchpopulations.Thismaybeamajorsteptofightstigmaagainst sexualminoritiesandtothushelpbuildamoretolerantsociety

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