THINKING ALOUD
ISSUE
1 A QUARTERLY MAGAZINE publication of rehoboth dream solid foundation (rdsf)
JAN - MAR 2018
CONTENTS
Cover Photo: Mrs ‘Yemisi Ayeni
Mrs. ‘Yemisi Ayeni Chairperson, Board of NASCON Allied Industries Plc. Non-Executive Director, Stanbic IBTC Pension Managers Ltd.
Mr. Patrick Edebor Editorial/publishing consultant. Owner, Patrick Edebor and Associates.
Mr. Akin Adejuwon Curator, Institute of Cultural Studies, Obafemi Awolowo University, Ile-Ife.
Dr. Mrs Olayinka Opadiya Senior Pastor, Every Nation Church Sydney Australia.
Mrs. Abimbola Komolafe Founder/Executive Trustee, Rehoboth Dream Solid Foundation.
Rear Admiral (Rtd) Oladeinde Joseph, Chairman, Board of Trustees Mr Samson Igbokwe Mrs Roseline Igbokwe Mrs Ronke Osikoya Mrs Ketumi Alasa Pastor (Dr) Joshua Opadiya Dr (Mrs) Yinka Opadiya Mrs Abimbola Komolafe
Editor Bimbo Komolafe
Publication & Design Benjamin Eze
Project Manager Tomi Olatunde
Project Team
@2018. Thinking Aloud Magazine, a publication of Rehoboth Dream Solid Foundation.
Edison Egere Othniel Komolafe Felix Eguabor Joseph Ogunleye
THINKING ALOUD | JAN - MAR 2018
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other non -commercial uses permitted by copyright law.
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ISSUE
EDITORIAL
1 JAN - MAR 2018
Dear Readers,
present you an interesting interview held with Mrs ‘Yemisi Ayeni – a woman of substance with many parts.
It is my pleasure to introduce to you the maiden edition of the ‘Thinking Aloud’ Magazine. ‘Thinking Aloud’ is the
There is also an interesting article on Parenting in the
brand name of Rehoboth Dream Solid Foundation’s
21st century and a timely article from our Finance coach,
(RDSF) international initiative for knowledge sharing.
with some tips for financial success needed to guide our readers in the year 2018.
Our vision and mission for creating the magazine is to promote and entrench acceptable standards in our society.
We would like to receive feedback from readers on our
The magazine will be a platform to share information to
content and features. Send in your comments on any of the
improve societal values in a range of areas; like Family
featured articles and suggestions on issues you want
matters, Parenting, Relationships, Finance and Money
featured in future editions. All mails should be addressed
matters, Mentoring Youths, Faith and Religion,
to ThinkingAloudPublication@gmail.com
Governance. We look forward to hearing from you. Each edition will provide up to date information on the Rehoboth Foundation, showing details of achievements and upcoming events. In addition to this, we will feature a variety of stories and an interview session with an
Till then, sit back and have a delightful reading experience.
inspiring personality. We hope the interview sessions will encourage and enlighten our targeted audience which include men, women, youths and teenagers. Through our content, we intend to steer our readers towards achieving excellence in everyday life, business and career.
In this edition, we present an accomplished personality whose achievements will inspire you. A highly principled woman of integrity. Her corporate experience reveals that career and financial successes are achievable without compromising one’s integrity. She is often described with
BIMBO KOMOLAFE
words like, honest, fair, blunt and knowledgeable. We
Editor
connect with us on social media | thinkingaloudmagazine
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A QUARTERLY MAGAZINE
parenting in the 21st century
“Y
ou know mum did not go to school, she only went to law school.” Those were the words of my eight year old in an attempt to absolve me from the guilt of not knowing much about the topic that she and her siblings were discussing. We live in an age where children grow up thinking they know much more than their parents because of all they are exposed to on the internet and social media, which are the main avenues through which people (especially children) meet these days. Hazards of the jet age, one might say. Asa, the musician, asks: “who’s responsible for what we teach our children? Is it the internet or stars on television?” In the Nigerian society, children are highly valued and we ensure that they are catered for adequately. In traditional society, they were socialized to internalize norms such as respect, obedience, and helpfulness, which facilitated interpersonal relationships. Children belonged not only to their biological parents but also to all adults, and the extended family played a major role in the correction and discipline of children. Offending children were brought before the elders of the family or community for counselling, correction and disciplinary action. Within the family, correction or punishment usually involved beatings. Excessive beating was regulated, as children who were being beaten could run to any elder of the family, and the beating would automatically stop. All these proved to be quite effective in
ensuring that children conformed to traditional norms and values of the community. Crime rates were relatively low as incidents of theft and robbery were few while social vices like alcoholism; drug abuse and prostitution among young persons were virtually unknown. Use and
Efficacy of Corporal Punishment” and “The Rights of the Child” Nigerian Institute of Advance Legal Studies research series 2. Pg 244 to 245 by Ayua I.A & Okagbue I.E Although I am deliberating on “parenting in the 21st century”, I am sure everyone will agree that this topic cannot be dealt with exhaustively and conclusively by one individual, seeing as our values differ and our priorities vary. We may however all agree or not that there are some issues that are basic and fundamental; and in discussing this topic, we must delve into them regardless of our backgrounds.
THINKING ALOUD | JAN - MAR 2018
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“Parenting is one of the toughest jobs in the world (a job without ‘pay’).”
Parenting is one of the toughest jobs in the world (a job without ‘pay’). As a parent, you are called upon to provide for the physiological, financial, socioeconomic, emotional and psychological needs of your children from when they are born to adolescence; but if my relationship with my mother is anything to go by, then I dare say one only retires from the parenting job when he or she ceases to exist. Many of us are not even sure we are doing a good job or
parenting getting it right until later when we hear people say it or when we see it ourselves.
“The challenges we face with our children include but are not limited to peer pressure, sex education and the ability to cater for their needs.”
The challenges we face with our children include but are not limited to peer pressure, sex education and the ability to cater for their needs. Children and teenagers often expect parents to be magicians. It is important to explain the concept of ‘all fingers are not equal’, and as my father, of blessed memory would say, ‘remember the child of whom you are’ to our children. What I want to spend my money on may not be what Peter’s father wants to spend his money on. Peter’s father may prefer to buy Adidas football boots worth N80, 000 for him while I choose to save that money for my child to learn to cut hair during the holidays. That Peter’s father can afford to buy him football boots and also pay for him to learn to cut hair doesn’t mean that my son and I are children of a lesser god! We need to prayerfully deal with the issue of peer pressure because there are no two ways about it; our children WILL mix with children from other backgrounds, and we do not want to push our children away when they feel we are not doing enough. It is the duty of a parent to boost a child’s self -confidence so that the child is proud to be who he or she is, and is also confident about being him or herself.
Children should be taught to be grateful for whatever it is that God has blessed them with because only then will God bless them more. Godliness with contentment is indeed great gain. Sex education is another issue that must be discussed in relation to peer pressure. My 12 year old son is convinced that some of his friends of the same age have started having sex. How did I find out? My children and I gist a lot; only then can I know what they are thinking of and discussing with their friends. I make them understand that there is nothing dirty about sex. Sex is only dirty when it is done outside the will of God. One of the mantras in my household is that “there is a time for everything”. There is a time for sex and doing it before that time has negative consequences, which I have also explained to them. It will be hypocritical of me to imagine that my children do not know about sex in this age and time.
Parents need to be abreast with what is happening in the world because there is a need to decrease the ever widening gap between parents and children. There is a need for us to join the internet and social media bandwagon if only to monitor and protect our children. I am not an expert on parenting and all I have written are my opinions formed from my experience as a parent and as a teacher in the children’s church. I however wonder if it would not augur better for us if we decide to go back to the ‘old school’ way of doing things; that is, chastising children with the help of the community/ extended family. I pray that God will give us the grace, wisdom and resources to bring our children up in the way of the Lord.
When my 15 year old daughter first asked me about sex (she was about 9 years old then), I lied to her and told her something vague without attempting to go into details. She told me I was lying and showed me a book she had been reading. I had bought the book with the hope of keeping it for her, but she found it before I handed it over to her. (The same way our children discover things on the internet and social, and we would have no clue.) We cannot exclude social media and the internet because they are necessary evils; their advantages outweigh their disadvantages. What we can do, however, is to monitor what our children use them for and also to ensure they do not spend an unhealthy length of time exploring the internet and/or social media. | 5 |
MRS FUNKE FAMOBIWO Mrs Funke Famobiwo is a Chief Magistrate with the Lagos State Judiciary. A wife and mother to two daughters and a son, the oldest is 15 years and the youngest 10 years. She loves reading books and volunteers as a teacher at the children's section of her local church. A QUARTERLY MAGAZINE
THE FINANCE COACH MRS BIMBO KOMOLAFE Bimbo Komolafe FCA, FCIB writes from Lagos and is a Fellow of the Institute of Chartered Accountants of Nigeria and a Fellow of the Chartered Institute of Bankers.
8 WAYS TO ACHIEVE FINANCIAL EXCELLENCE IN 2018 1
Create a budget and a financial plan for the year.
Create a budget and a financial plan for the year and do this early enough. Your budget and financial plan for the year is your guide. Without a guide, you cannot measure performance. With your plan, you can check compliance and areas you have deviated from your plan. If you haven’t made a financial plan yet, it is not too late to do that. Everyone needs a simple ‘cash budget’. This is a budget that will show your expected cash inflow and planned outflow for a specified budget period (for a month, quarter or year). With this, you will be able to tell your
cash position at any point in time. You can also take this further by encouraging those close to you to keep a budget, as this will help you jointly to stick to your plans. As part of your 2018 financial plan, set a savings and a spending target for yourself. This way all of your expected funds will already have an assignment and not remain idle. There is a popular saying that ‘the devil finds work for the idle person’. That devil is also eager to find work for your idle funds.
2
Enlarge your knowledge of financial issues
It is important to educate yourself on activities in the financial market. We
THINKING ALOUD | JAN - MAR 2018
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all cannot be gurus and experts but we can have basic knowledge that will steer us in the right direction. Subscribe to valuable newsletters and set time aside to periodically review these. Watch Government decisions and have your ears close to the financial market.
3
Keep good financial records
To be in control of your finances in 2018, you must keep good records. You need good records as they form the basis for good trail for tracking and analysing performance against your financial plan. Good records are very essential for managing Fixed deposit investments with banks. Ensure you have documents to back up all your investment transactions with banks and take note of key dates. Keeping a tab on these dates also means you can proactively plan for maturing investments and negotiate for good rates early. With your records, you can also make periodic reviews of your bank transactions and pick up anomalies early. All these will help you achieve your goal of financial excellence and success.
4
Take Financial decisions promptly
If an investment opportunity opens up or when considering an investment, avoid procrastination and take decisions promptly. This does not mean you should take decisions without having full information. You must ensure you have answers to all your questions. However, once all the necessary information is available,
the finance coach take your decisions promptly. Many have paid dearly for taking late decisions.
5
Know your worth
Many people do not have a good knowledge of their worth. In order to have financial excellence in 2018, you must draw up a personal Balance sheet. How much are you worth? What are your assets and liabilities? What do you have and what do you owe? Undertaking an exercise to know what you are worth will also help you know which assets are growing or depleting and point you
8
towards taking the right decisions.
Take care of your health
Who do you owe? Take a review and ensure you settle indebtedness on
Set a target to take care of your
time to avoid increase in your
health. Health is the greatest wealth.
liability. Bank loans, Government
Illnesses are expensive especially if
taxes etc must be properly settled to
you run your own business. It is
avoid exposures that may result in
7
Diversify your portfolio
better to limit Business shut-down period or absences by proactively
financial penalties. What are you worth in landed
deciding to stay healthy. 3 key pieces
property, stocks, cash and otherwise?.
of advice to meet this target- eat
Is your portfolio properly diversified?
healthy, be physically active and
Are there assets that can be pooled to
attend to signs of illnesses early.
The best time to plan for life after
earn better yield? Financial
Many have almost lost their lives by
active work is from day one! Our
excellence requires that you do not
procrastinating seeking medical
active years are meant to provide for
put all your eggs in one basket.
attention. Be knowledgeable about
both the active and non-active years.
Spread your investments wisely to
your health too. Your capability to
No matter how long you have been
enable you spread your risks and take
make money or grow on the job
working or running your business,
advantage of various sources of
depends on your being healthy and
approach 2018 with the knowledge
income. Be conscious of the fact that
alive!!!
that someday, you have to stop
you can have variety of options even
working. This knowledge will guide
within an investment option. E.g.
your financial decisions and ensure
Stocks, what mix of shares should you
you make proper plans for long term
invest in as a player in the capital
investments that will finance your
market? If you need help with taking
requirements in retirement.
the right decisions with managing
Whatever your situation may be,
your investment portfolio, be ready to
saving and investing money today is
spend some money for expert advise.
better than waiting until tomorrow.
Even though such payment may
Start now.
initially deplete your finances, in the
6
Retirement plans
“There is a popular saying that ‘the devil finds work for the idle person’. That devil is also eager to find work for your idle funds.”
long run, you will be better off. | 7 |
A QUARTERLY MAGAZINE
MARRIAGE & RELATIONSHIPS
WHY DO YOU LOVE YOUR PARTNER?
I
didn’t realize I had been smiling at nothing for about 10 minutes until I was jerked out of my reverie by Fadekemi, who was shouting out my name amidst laughter. “This love will not kill you o”, I heard my favourite cousin mock, as she walked out of the living room. I could not help but smile some more as I remembered the event that led me into this state of helpless wonderment. She called! Oh, the joy that fills my heart whenever she calls.
Truth be told, I think a lot of the reasons most of us hold on to do not hold water, and I’m sure many of you would agree with me by the time I’m done. Trust me, my woman is so pretty but hey, I would be kidding myself to think I can never find another prettier than she is (Babe, you know you are the prettiest *wink*). Or what happens if she suffers an accident that takes away the facial beauty that has captured my fantasy? So to say I’m love-struck just because a portrait of her face would cost more than the Monalisa, should actually warrant a break-up.
As cliché as it sounds, I immediately become a man without a problem as soon her voice pierces through from the other end of the line. I get so excited, I can literally feel my heart take the shape of the ‘dancing smiley’. The conversations are so refreshing and I never seem to get enough of her. Boy, I am in love! As mushy as that might sound, there is a problem: I really do not know why I love her! For this reason, I have decided to put pen to paper, to hunt for that answer, even as I probe into our lives, aiming to find out why a lot of us profess to love those we do. THINKING ALOUD | JAN - MAR 2018
“Even those of us who by virtue of physique think we should readily accept whatever comes our way also want that perfect partner who will compensate our physical flaws. ”
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‘Body structures ‘n’ us’. We want the tall, well chiselled guy; the lady with the hourglass figure. Even those of us who by virtue of physique think we should readily accept whatever comes our way also want that perfect partner who will compensate our physical flaws.
communication is only as special as we make it. As I said
But is satisfaction of a physical need a good reason to fall helplessly in love? Yes you say? So, you marry this lady (or man) of your dreams. A couple of kids later and figure ‘8’ gradually becomes a ‘0’; your carved Hercules begins to invest in love handles. What happens? Would the words ‘I love you’ still be easily uttered or would you cringe in disgust at the sight of the person you once adored?
relationships. And let us imagine your present
earlier, the conversations shared between my lady and I, are one of a kind. But let us not deceive ourselves, if you are not in your first relationship, there’s the possibility you’ve felt this same way at some point in your previous relationship does not work out, you’ll definitely find another tomorrow and think the world of your communication level. Please do not get me wrong, there are those few times when a true connection that differs from any previous one is established and at these times, only the individuals involved can sincerely tell. In the case of my missus and I, I’d like to believe this is one of those times, and I’m sure many of you think so about yours too. So as tempting as it is to say this is reason enough to yell ‘I love you’, the fact that it is a temptation, suggests it ain’t valid enough. A number of points are also always factored in whenever we attempt to justify why we love our partners: “She/he makes me happy.” Who said that’s the happiest someone can ever make you?’ “I laugh so hard when I’m with him/ her” Really? Harder than you do when Bovi or Kevin Hart is on stage? “With her is where I always want to be” Em, dude aren’t you the same person that bolts away from her to watch a football match featuring your favourite team?.
I happen to be the last person to judge a woman because she wants to marry into wealth, I mean, who really wants to suffer? Even my brothers who are so quick to criticize the ladies have also begun to buy into the business of marrying rich. As much as money is very imperative to the sustenance of love, one would be doomed to list it as a priority. ‘Life ain’t fair’, we all say, and one of the reasons we say so is that even the wealthiest of men/women can be humbled by life’s unpredictable circumstances. That
Thus, my conclusion: Yes, she makes me happy; we have the best conversations ever; she is super-pretty; extremely intelligent; has an hourglass shape; sense of humour for days; selfless; and a lot more. Yet, I still know not why I love her, but I know I love her. And in the words of Aaron Neville and Linda Rondstadt: “and that may be all I need to know”. So think on this. Why exactly do you love your partner?
aside, if your partner doesn’t have ‘Gates, Buffet, Dangote, Babangida, Adenuga … insert the appropriate…’ as a surname, there’s a likelihood that more affluent people will cross your path. Does this mean you’ll keep dropping them off to suck on sweeter nectar? Therefore, I believe that money is definitely not reason enough to scream those three words. Now, we all agree that good communication is vital in every relationship. I’ll go a step further to say
Oluwabori Richards is a dynamic, creative professional, fascinated by the power of the imagination. Oluwabori has functioned in varying capacities as writer, director or producer on numerous television dramas, soap operas, feature-length and short films, game shows etc.
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A QUARTERLY MAGAZINE
GENERATION NEXT Joshua Komolafe currently serves as the Chief Executive Officer at JFConsult Group; a Performance Improvement Consultancy that specializes in Brand Education. He leads the firm’s drive to teach on the benefits of branding and how the implementation of effective brand strategy can culminate in extensive positive returns.
I
5 WAYS TO IMPROVE YOUR BRANDING n a bid to map out my future;
systematically.
the coming year, the next five
Deliberately, the word ‘branding’
years and even fifty years
from now, I employed a tactic, popularly known to Mathematicians and Economists alike, as backward induction. Visualising the heights I intend to attain, I started to work backwards, taking note of every prerequisite required for each milestone. It was then I began asking myself certain questions. One of such was: “When people hear ‘Joshua Komolafe’, what is the first thing they associate the name with?”
and not ‘brand’, is used, as very quickly, I started to realise that a brand is continuous in nature, in that, there is no “top of mount Everest.” Someone said, “The biggest room
The key word here is ‘willing’. Though It might not always be necessary to adapt your brand, you must be aware of such changes if any and be ‘open’ to change if necessary.
1 KNOW YOUR CORE VALUES
in the world, is the room for improvement.” There is need for constant assessment and ‘maintenance checks’, to ensure that as seasons change, due to; different economic cycles, different trends, or maybe even a change in attitude by your target market audience, you are also willing to
That question changed my life. As
adapt aspects of your brand, to
a result, I started employing the
cater for such changes, without
“5 ways to improve your branding”
losing your core values.
THINKING ALOUD | JAN - MAR 2018
Ask yourself questions, write down the answer to those questions, store them away for a short while, re-visit them and finally, check to see if you still agree with what you wrote down. If not, repeat the process until you are happy (No amount of times is too much). You know you are in trouble when there is no direct correlation between your values and how you
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are perceived. That said, once you are sure of what you want to be known for/how you want to be seen, people’s perception of you
3
4
MYTH BUSTER
LOYAL HATERS:
“There is no shortcut. In most cases,
You need a team of 2-3 people
The price you are ready to pay, is
who are trustworthy
directly proportionate to the quality
perfectionists. People you can fall
you will get.”
back on to check if you’re dressed
With regards to clothing,
well, if your logo looks good, if
will automatically align to your values.
2 INVEST ADEQUATE TIME INTO RESEARCH
something I learnt very quickly, You must actively set time aside to constantly study people or companies that are currently, ‘correctly’ exhibiting the values you wish to be known for. You might not necessarily need to be in contact with them but you must be willing to deconstruct their products, dressing, style etc *mentally*…Try and break down the little pieces that make for the jigsaw you see now. Sometimes, expert help is required to understand the little pieces but once you do, the jigsaw isn’t as complicated anymore. Better still, you can then begin to construct your own puzzle, as you will now have the knowledge required to do so. As Albert Einstein said, “You have to learn the rules of the game and then you have to play better than any one else.”
especially when I started university, was the wisdom of shopping within budget. As I’ve gotten older, I have started to only want to wear suits. I now actively seek out occasions when suits are not out of place (one of the reasons I love going to church). If not because of how uncomfortable it is, I would sleep in a suit. With that in mind, I faced the dilemma of wanting to have a good range of suits without having ‘enough money’. After much window shopping ( Research and Development), I realised that there are several places that allow me to ‘look good’, no matter how much I have. This further buttresses the first point; once you are sure of and can be confident in your values, you will begin to find resources that make your brand affordable.
you are aligning with your values and whether the values you have outlined for yourself truly suit you. One thing to note however, is not to get offended when they say things you might not necessarily expect or even like. I always have it in the back of my mind that, no human being has ever seen themselves before. The images we see of ourselves are actually just reflections or photographs in one way or another. It is others that really see us (physically) how we appear. You must appreciate that what you see might not always take into account the full picture. You must learn to develop a hard shell for critique and seek to utilise; at times what can be very painful words of advice, into building blocks for a better brand…For a better you!
5 CONSISTENCY
Your consistency will naturally improve your brand. It is through consistency that your branding process will become more efficient. Consistency consists of Consistent Consistence. Consistency consistently consists Consistently. Be CONSISTENT! | 11 |
A QUARTERLY MAGAZINE
generation next
A
my father, my friend
t 7:00am one day, my dad walked into my room, I was still asleep. He sat on the bed side table, I don’t remember whether he woke me up or if I woke up from feeling his presence subconsciously, anyway I woke up to him staring straight at me, an expression I hadn’t seen too many times across his face, and he just blurted out, “talk to me”. This short paragraph encases a narrative which a fair share of Nigerian men in their 20s are faced with. You see for a lot of us, we grow up not really being too close to our dads. Fathers around this side of the world play a sterner role during our formative years. When this relationship is viewed from the perspective of the fathers, one might agree with them, this relationship is a necessity for instilling discipline in their boys, what is a child without discipline anyway? Not a lot if I dare say so myself. Not withstanding, in the process of playing this role, a lot of fathers neglect the emotional upbringing of their sons. Some would argue that this is a far less important aspect of raising a boy, not nearly as important as instilling discipline for example, some others would argue that this is a self taught area of life and it would suffice to learn on the job. But what then is the value of all the experience that a father has garnered through his own journey through life? Should the lessons of how to deal with people, how to rise from disappointment, engaging with the opposite sex and so on not be passed down?
A lot of Nigerian boys would tell you first hand that their relationship with their dad, in comparison to say, their sisters and their moms are different as night and day. Mothers in Nigeria, for the most part do not raise their daughters with this void. Girls are almost naturally able to discuss all aspects of their life with their mom. It is said that raising children is the duty of both parents, and what the father is not able to give to the kids; emotional support and teachings for example, the mother provides. One can argue though, that the tenets of being a man, would not be able to be taught by a woman, by virtue of the fact that she herself is not a man, and therefore would not know what it would feel like to be one.
goings on in his life; girlfriends, friends, ambition, passion etc. With his dad in these years, conversations usually go back and forth between, school, church, and not much else. But upon graduation, this child is expected to become best friends with his father after all his habits are set in stone and character is fully developed? Not a very feasible plan in my opinion. And I am yet to see a successful turnout of this plan. Maybe in later years, post marriage perhaps. In the meantime, I maintain a firm belief that it is very possible, for fathers to be the disciplinarians that the male child needs, but also, the friend that they can come to and voice their thoughts.
Boys are more often than not afraid of their fathers during their formative years, he, to them is the enforcer, the one who will discipline them when they step out of line, the mothers are there to wipe their tears and pamper them after they have been disciplined. I remember one time, I was talking to one of my teachers at school, he had met my dad and we were talking about how we weren’t close, my dad & I. He told me that it was normal and that that was how all boys grew up with their dads. He went on to say that everything would change once I had graduated and completed my education process. I didn’t give it too much thought at the time, but in hindsight, this theory is not less than problematic. How do you avoid getting close to a child in his formative years, in a bid to set him straight on the right path. In these years he’s talking to everybody but his dad about the
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Felix I. Eguabor JR is the 25-year-old son of Ide & Helen Eguabor. He completed his secondary education at Corona Secondary School Agbara, Lagos. He went on to study Economics & Politics at the University of Buckingham in England. He has just moved back to Lagos, Nigeria from the UK where he has resided for the past 6 years and is setting up as an entrepreneur.
inspiring personality Mrs ‘Yemisi Ayeni is Chairperson, Board of NASCON Allied Industries Plc, and also non-Executive Director on the Board of Stanbic IBTC Pension Managers Ltd. Mrs Ayeni retired as Managing Director, Shell Nig. Closed Pension Fund Administrator Ltd, in 2015. Mrs Ayeni shares detailed insight into her inspiring personality in this exclusive interview with Thinking Aloud Magazine.
10 QUESTIONS FOR MRS ‘YEMISI AYENI 1
after 2 young children and a
My direct memories start when we
demanding study program.
returned to Nigeria, and my older brother and I went to St Saviour’s
We would like to start by asking you to tell us a bit about your
Now here’s a testimony – whilst
background (childhood, education,
we were away, Lagos was bombed
family).
(I believe this was the only bomb that fell on Lagos during the civil
My parents are Mr. ‘Tunde Aromasodu and late Dr. (Mrs) ‘Jumoke Aromasodu. I was born in Ibadan in 1965; where my mother was doing her house-job. We moved to the UK in 1968, when my mother went to do her postgraduate studies. Apparently, everyone tried to persuade her to leave my older brother and me in Nigeria, so she could concentrate on her studies; but she insisted that she could cope with looking
war), and my bed was damaged irreparably. Had my mother not insisted on taking us with her, my story could have been completely
School, Ikoyi. I was moved from Reception 1 to Reception 2 during my first few weeks, because the Head-teacher didn’t feel I was sufficiently challenged. As a result of this move, I was a year younger than most of my classmates throughout my education.
different. I started school whilst we were in the UK. I don’t have
When we attended St. Saviour’s, it
any direct memories of this time,
was generally cited as a school
but over the years, I’ve been
that wasn’t “serious”, where the
regaled with many stories,
children didn’t learn much! I
especially about how unimpressed
thank God for my parents’ vision.
I was by the cold and how bitterly
They realized that an effective
I complained about it to everyone I
education didn’t require children
came across!
to learn lots of facts and figures, | 13 |
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“whilst we were away, Lagos was
bombed (I believe this was the only bomb that fell on Lagos during the civil war), and my bed was damaged irreparably”
but instead was based on
20. After graduating, I joined Price
spent watching “Village
immersing children in an
Waterhouse London and qualified as
Headmaster”, and on the rare
environment that encouraged
a Chartered Accountant in 1989.
occasions there was a power cut,
them to think conceptually and
Now for my home-life – I had a
we would call the nearby NEPA
figure things out by themselves, even when they didn’t have all the facts to hand. Those skills serve me well, even today, 42 years after I left St. Saviour’s.
very happy childhood. Our parents were civil servants, my father a mechanical engineer with NEPA, and my mother a medical doctor, with the Federal Ministry of Health. We grew up in 3 different
I then went to Queen’s College, Lagos, where I had the privilege of spending my formative years with girls from all over the country. I believe my QC experience shaped me into the detribalized Nigerian I am today. After I sat my WAEC
government houses in Ikoyi, in the days when fences were low, where
office, and plead with them to restore the power, so we could watch the program. Whilst our preferential treatment was probably because we lived in a NEPA block of flats, the reality in the rest of Lagos was also that power cuts were infrequent.
playing outside was the norm, where TV didn’t start until 4pm, where fresh milk was delivered to homes weekly, and where we didn’t barricade ourselves into our
We moved from the flats to a house on Lugard Avenue when I was 9. Our first night in the new house, the power hadn’t been
exams in 1980, I went to St
houses at night.
Catherine’s School in the UK for my
I recall when a neighbour’s car
candles. To show how unused we
A-levels. I enjoyed the school, and
was stolen. It was the first time
were to power-cuts, I was so
made close friends, but I was also
anything like that had happened
excited about having candles, that
terribly homesick. It was my first
in our block of flats, and we
I was jumping over a candle that
time of boarding and I missed my
couldn’t wait to get to our
was on a low table, and my nightie
family so much. I recall crying
respective schools the next day, to
caught fire! Just 2 small examples
myself to sleep many nights!
regale our friends with the details
of the Nigeria I grew up in – theft
of the drama we witnessed. It is
and power cuts were so novel, that
sad to note that some 30+ years
as children we delighted in them.
After St Catherine’s, I went to the University of Manchester, where I did a degree in Economics, and graduated in 1985, just as I turned
connected, so we were using
later, such incidents have become common-place. I also remember that power cuts were few and far between. Sunday evenings were
THINKING ALOUD | JAN - MAR 2018
| 14 |
We were a very close-knit family, and our home was filled with
inspiring personality laughter. I grew up in a house
monumental tragedies. I lost a
I encourage Christian parents to
filled with boys – my 2 brothers (1
younger brother when I was 5
keep insisting their children
(and he was 9 months), and my
attend church (after all, we insist
beloved older brother when I was
they attend school), no matter how
17 (and he was 19).
reluctant they are. Parents should
older and 1 younger), and, at various times, our 3 male cousins. Growing up, my birthday cards were
find a church with a vibrant
always addressed to “our one and only daughter”, and my mother often called me her “one and only”. With the benefit of hindsight, this probably nurtured in me the notion that being female was “special”.
After the baby passed, my wonderful younger brother, ‘Tosin was born. He is now 47 years old, and is a successful lawyer who lives in Australia with his wife and lovely daughters. Whilst it
I can best summarize my childhood, by saying that our awesome mother loved my brothers and me sacrificially. Our parents were
remains difficult for me to “make sense” of the tragedies, I can testify that through it all, God’s grace has been sufficient for me.
honest civil servants, and so we weren’t rich. However, we always knew that our mother would gladly go without to ensure we were well provided for. I recall after my mother passed, one of her former colleagues telling us that, during an
commitment to children’s spiritual education and growth, and they should keep praying. These prayers will be answered. Needless to say once I went to University, and I had a choice, I stopped going to church. This aversion to church was made worse by the fact that my beloved older brother died 3 weeks after I started University, and I was totally at sea. I just thank God
2
that He answered my mother’s
Can you share your journey to
prayers, and despite my not
becoming a Christian, and outline
having a personal relationship
the principles/values that have
with Him, He preserved me
guided you so far in life?
through my University years, and guided me to make wise choices.
official trip abroad, he noticed that our mother didn’t eat breakfast, she
I grew up in a Christian home,
would just have a cup of tea, and
going to church and Sunday
After graduating, I started
take a bread roll with her to
School – not because I wanted to
working in London, and gradually
conference sessions. On enquiry, she
particularly, but because I had no
started going to church again.
explained that she needed to save as
choice! When I went to do my A-
This time, of my own free will. I
much of her estacode as possible (as
levels in the UK, I continued
eventually gave my life to Christ
my brothers and I were in school
going to church regularly, because
in early 1990 at a Billy Graham
abroad) – so she skipped breakfast,
it was a Christian school, and
outreach in London.
and had the bread roll for lunch,
chapel attendance was
rather than buying lunch. This
Today I can declare, that my faith
compulsory.
is my life. But, I have had rocky
demonstrates a key life principle –
patches. A year after I gave my
we don’t need dishonest gain to
life to Christ, my mother passed
achieve our life goals. We just need
and I suffered a monumental crisis
to trust in God, and not only will He bless our hard-work, but He will also show us ingenious ways to do what might otherwise seem impossible!
of faith, and didn’t go to church “I encourage Christian parents to keep insisting their children attend church (after all, we insist they attend school), no matter how reluctant they are.”
for 2 years. What I now realize is that my understanding of Christianity in my early walk with Christ didn’t allow room for God’s sovereignty. This is how I was schooled – pray, believe and it will
Having said my childhood was
happen. Whilst this is true, there
happy, we also experienced some | 15 |
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is a key caveat often missed or
think is such a “big deal”, is really
honest, it is just His basic
glossed over – “providing it is in
“Christianity 101”. Mid-way
expectation of how His children
line with God’s sovereign will”.
through my career, I was asked a
will behave at all times, and in all
particular question in a job
situations; even at personal cost.
interview.
Today, I thank God I didn’t get
When my mother passed, my faith
that job (although I was very
was shaken to its core – we
disappointed at the time). If I had,
prayed, we had absolute faith and
I wouldn’t be doing what I’m
she was still not healed. And then, sometime in 1993, an acquaintance invited me to Redeemed Camp. I had only just met the lady, and I didn’t want to
“The interviewer later told someone that up until that point, the job was mine and he didn’t understand why I sabotaged the interview.”
doing today.
So I would say honesty is my core value – I pray for the grace to be
start going into the reasons I no
honest in my speech, honest in my
longer went to church, so I
actions, honest in how I express
decided it would be easier to just
my emotions, and honest in my
accept her invitation.
Now, intellectually, I knew the answer that would get me the job,
self-analysis.
3
That night at camp, I felt God’s
but this wasn’t the honest answer,
presence so completely, and when
and I chose to give the honest
we were singing the chorus “What
You were the first Nigerian woman
answer instead. The interviewer
the Lord has done for me, I can
on the Board of a Shell Company in
later told someone that up until
not tell it all”, I couldn’t stop
Nigeria,, what did you learn from
that point, the job was mine and
crying. I was overwhelmed by the
this appointment?. What is your
he didn’t understand why I
realization that despite all the
stand on the perspective and views
sabotaged the interview. Now, this
sadness I had experienced, God
of the feminist movement?
was a job that I really wanted, and
had done so much for my family
my prayer after the interview was
and me. Suddenly, I was keenly
along the lines of “God you see I
aware of how much God loved me
was honest, so please grant me
(a love He demonstrated by
favour, and let me get the job”. Of
sending His only beloved son to
course I didn’t get the job, and
die for me), and how God had
rightly so, because the answer I
continued to look out for me even
gave wasn’t consistent with the
when I was running from Him.
job expectations!
What I realized from this was that God doesn’t generally “reward” us
with the anchor from which I’ve
for being honest, it is just His
navigated through life.
basic expectation of His children. The analogy God showed me was
is your faith that helps you to be honest. But I’ve come to see that this honesty, which Nigerians
deepwater exploration and production company) in 2004, when I was 39. I remain deeply appreciative of the confidence that the organization reposed in me at key lessons from the appointment:
back to Him. My faith provides me
values. People often say to me, it
of SNEPCo (Shell Nigeria’s
a relatively young age. I learnt 2
I just thank God for bringing me
Honesty/integrity are my core
I was appointed Finance Director
that after all we don’t give our children prizes for saying “good morning” to us – it is just our basic expectation of how they will behave. In the same way, God isn’t going to give us prizes for being
THINKING ALOUD | JAN - MAR 2018
| 16 |
1. The need to be mindful of gender progress in any environment in which I’m operating. It was only when my staff came into my office with a cake, a few days after I was appointed, that I realized that I was the first Nigerian woman to ever have been appointed to the
inspiring personality Board of a Shell company. I also
equally. In fact, my younger
I’m a feminist, and I categorically
realized that I should have been
brother took to cooking much
do not support the aspects of the
aware of such a significant fact.
better than I did, and has always
feminist movement that are
Since then, I’ve been much more
been a better cook than I am!
incompatible with the word of
mindful about identifying gender imbalances and working to address them. Since I retired in 2015, I’ve
God. I believe that the values and experiences we are exposed to
I believe that feminism, as I’ve
during our childhood years have a
defined above, is totally
profound impact on the way we
compatible with Christianity.
view the world. As a result of my
Even the most cursory reading of
upbringing, apart from allowing
the bible will show that Jesus
for the physiological differences
celebrated women throughout His
between the genders e.g. men will
earthly ministry. I also believe
2. Despite the historic significance
typically be physically stronger
that scriptures such as Psalm
of my appointment, I resolutely
than women, I simply don’t believe
139:14 (“fearfully and wonderfully
refused to have any publicity.
that, for example, there are
made”) support the notion that
Firstly, because I prefer to avoid
certain roles that women can’t do.
males and females are of equal
publicity (I’m only doing this
My late mother graduated from
value in God’s eyes.
interview because I believe in the
the University of Glasgow as a
vision of the Rehoboth Foundation,
medical doctor almost 60 years
and I just couldn’t say no!), and
ago, at a time when her peers were
secondly, because I believed that the
far more likely to be nurses than
fact that it had taken so long for a
doctors. Women like my mother,
woman to be appointed to the
and late Dr. Abimbola Silva (Joke
Board, was cause for sober reflection
Silva’s mum), were my early
rather than celebration. Well a few
lessons in the fact that women
years later, another Nigerian woman
could do whatever they set their
was appointed to the Board of
minds to do.
been pursuing a career as a NonExecutive Director; and one of my personal commitments is to ensure I’m not the only female on any Board I sit on.
I know the church in Nigeria often cites Ephesians 5:22 as proof that women are inferior to men. I truly believe this “inferior status” label is a misinterpretation of this particular scripture, as I don’t believe this is God’s design.
another Shell company. This appointment was widely publicized and is often cited as “the first Nigerian woman to be appointed to the Shell Board”. I realize now that, whilst I generally don’t like publicity, I should have stepped out of my comfort zone, and agreed to a reasonable level of publicity of such a historic appointment.
So, yes I’m a firm advocate of the feminist movement. However, to avoid any misconceptions, I believe it is important to spell out the definition of feminism that I identify with. Simply put, I
“Indeed, feminism shouldn’t be restricted to women, a point Chimamanda Adichie makes in her aptly-titled essay on feminism “We Should All Be Feminists”
believe in the “equality and full humanity of women and men”, I believe in the need for women to have equal rights (social, political,
I really like your question on the
economic etc.) to men, and in the
feminist movement. I was brought
work context, I believe that access
up to believe boys and girls are
to career opportunities should be
equal. As I mentioned earlier, I was
determined by individual capacity
the only girl in a house of 5 boys,
and achievement, and not gender.
and we shared domestic chores
However, I’m a Christian before | 17 |
So I’m happy to state that I’m a committed Christian, and I’m also a feminist. I would add that the men in my life (my husband and my brother) are also feminists, being firm believers in women’s
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women’s divinely ordained rights
recognition of this, Shell very
to full humanity. Indeed, feminism
kindly allowed me to spend about
shouldn’t be restricted to women,
half my time on non-Shell work
a point Chimamanda Adichie
e.g. I served on the Council of the
makes in her aptly-titled essay on
Nigerian Stock Exchange, heading
feminism “We Should All Be
its Demutualisation Committee; I
Feminists”.
was a Board member, and
5 What is your advice to employees for preparing for retirement years and in particular for people hoping to take early retirement?
subsequently Chaired the Board of LEAP Africa; and I was an
Well, I was always mindful that I
Executive Council member of
You were highly placed in Shell
would, one day, leave Shell.
WIMBIZ. At some point, it
and decided to retire early in spite
Having interacted with many
became clear to me that I was
of your high potential and
pensioners (in my 10 years as
enjoying my non-Shell
prospects. What inspired your
Managing Director of the Pension
assignments more than my role in
decision and how do you spend
Fund), I saw a stark difference
Shell, and this was further
your time in Retirement?
between those who drifted into
confirmation that it was time to
retirement and those who actively
leave. I’m now pursuing a career
planned for retirement. I knew I
as a portfolio ‘Non-Executive
wanted to be in the latter
Director’.
category. So that’s my first piece
4
I try to make decisions based on God’s leading rather than human
of advice – be mindful that you
wisdom. In the example in your
will retire one day, and plan
question, human wisdom would
I’m Chairperson of NASCON
decree that if you are in a great
Allied Industries Ltd (Dangote
job with “high potential and
Salt company); and I’m a Non-
prospects”; then you should
Executive Director on the Board
remain in that organisation.
As I wasn’t mobile, I never
of Stanbic-IBTC Pension
However, God’s leading could be
expected my Shell career to be too
Managers Ltd. On the “not-for-
saying something completely
long, as the oft-repeated mantra
profit” side, I’m running an
different. Permit me to chart my
was “you must be mobile to have a
Education Fund I set up to
road to early retirement, in the
full Shell career”. To be honest,
provide scholarships primarily to
hope that it answers your
I’m still amazed that there were
children of missionaries; and I’m a
question.
enough roles in Shell Lagos to
founding member of the Panel of
keep me in the company for almost
Advisors of the “Africa Initiative
21 years.
for Governance” (an exciting
Since I always thought each role
About 5 years before I retired from Shell, I felt a strong leading that I was coming to the end of my time in Shell. As your question implies, walking away from an excellent career isn’t an easy
initiative to inspire/support future public sector leaders). In my spare time, I’m writing a collection of short stories, which is a totally new challenge!
towards it.
was likely to be my last, my outlook was always quite external, specifically, maintaining the external networks I had before I joined Shell. Apart from a Board
decision to make. At the time, I
role I was offered by a former
first started thinking of leaving, I
Shell colleague (which,
had been Managing Director of
incidentally, I declined); all the
the Pension Fund for 5 years. The
other Board roles I’ve been offered
job had gone from being a role I
since I retired were from my non-
loved and found challenging, to
Shell business contacts. So, that’s
being a role where I no longer felt
my second piece of advice -
sufficiently challenged. In THINKING ALOUD | JAN - MAR 2018
| 18 |
inspiring personality maintain and nurture a network of
generation thinks are a great way
I got married 5 years after my
external business contacts.
of keeping up-to-date with
mother passed. Whilst during
In addition, I saved/invested most of
current thinking!
those 5 years, I was supported by
my earnings. I was mindful of the
Whilst I’ve had many mentees,
my aunt and many dear friends,
need to ensure I had investment
I’ve never actually had a formal
whom God sent to comfort me,
income that I could use to augment
mentor in any organisation I’ve
and I thank God for them all; I
my pension. So, I will conclude by
worked in. However, my husband
was also lonely and missed having
saying that we shouldn’t spend all
has unofficially played that role –
close family around me. Marrying
we earn whilst we are working –
he has been a sounding board for
Femi gave me close family again,
ensure that you put away as much as
many of my ideas/plans, and has
and I truly believe was God’s way
you can into sensible long-term
given me honest and impartial
of giving me “beauty for ashes”.
investments, that will provide a
advice.
financial cushion for you during retirement.
6 We are aware you are actively involved in mentoring younger professionals. What are your views on having a mentor and being a mentor? How important would you say Mentoring is, in building a successful career in today's corporate world?
I believe the right mentor can be of tremendous value, but I also believe that this mentor can be outside of your organisation. The key thing is to select a mentor whose values you respect, and who will make the time to share his/ her experiences in an honest and open way, and be willing to listen to your dilemmas and decision points, and provide carefully considered and well reasoned advice.
Because family life means so much
I believe all leaders must demonstrate a keen willingness to invest in people – recognition that
“Because family life means so much to me, in the course of my career in Shell, I regularly turned down career opportunities, including several offers of overseas assignments, where I felt my family life would suffer.”
to me, in the course of my career
7
in Shell, I regularly turned down
people are your greatest assets, and
It is common knowledge that you
that as a leader you must spend time
have a wonderful family, a great
to provide honest coaching and
husband and two lovely daughters.
mentoring, and also to challenge
How did you manage to keep a
staff to be the best they can be.
home and build an admirable career at the same time?
career opportunities, including several offers of overseas assignments, where I felt my family life would suffer. I daresay if I had remained single, my career choices would probably have been quite different.
Apart from seeing it as a key element of being a leader, I actually
Thanks for your kind words. To
also enjoy mentoring and
God’s glory, I’m married to a
counselling younger people. I think
wonderful man, ‘Femi Ayeni –
it is important to share one’s
whom I call my “handsome bobo”.
experiences – in an honest way that
We’ve been married for 21 years
focuses on one’s mistakes as much as
and are blessed with 2 amazing
it does on successes. I also believe
daughters, who are aged 21 and
we learn from our mentees, the
17.
My guiding philosophy is that faith and family come first; and everything else has to fit in around that. I’ve learnt that when you make choices that are led by God and honour God, He always makes a way for you. For example, mobility is a critical factor in
insights we gain into how the next
career advancement in Shell; yet, | 19 |
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God made a way for me to have an
the jobs I did, and also find the time
belong to the Lord, and we’ve
excellent career without being
to be the mother/wife I wanted to
merely been appointed as
mobile. Up to a few months before
be. As long as there is food on the
“caretakers” to execute a
my early retirement was approved,
table, my husband doesn’t care who
parenting mandate God has given
my estimated potential was re-
has done the cooking, nor does he
us. To effectively discharge this
confirmed at the highest level
care if the food has been in the
parenting mandate, we must “pray
possible in the Shell Group.
freezer! I think it helps that his late
at all times without ceasing” about
mother was a successful
our children and our parenting
businesswoman, who was widowed
decisions. When we do this, God
very young (my husband was only 5
will guide our steps, and enable us
months old when his father died),
to be parents that do indeed bring
and he saw how hard she worked
up our children in the way they
outside the home to look after them
should go, so that when they grow
all. Also, my husband has 6 older
up, they will not depart from it
sisters, who are all very strong
- We need to invest time and love
• Perhaps I should share some of the practical ways in which I combined being a wife/mother and pursuing a full-time career. Well, my mother and mother-in-law had passed away before we got married, so I didn’t have that support. However, a few days before I was due to return to work from maternity leave when we had our first daughter, God sent us an angel in the person of Mummy Henry, who was our nanny for 7 years. She looked after our girls as if they were her grandchildren, and I never had to worry about the home-front when I was at work. We stayed in touch with her and her children after she left us, and we were all devastated when she passed away just over a year ago.
• Also, my husband has been, and continues to be, my greatest cheerleader. He has allowed me to delegate as many of the household tasks, as I needed to. E.g. my focus
women. So, he was brought up to respect women, and to see the importance of him playing a strong/supportive role in ensuring the women in his life achieve their full potential.
in our children and in their lives. This is the only way to nurture deep relationships and build trust on both sides. - As parents, we must learn to pick our battles, we need divine wisdom to determine which issues
8
are to do with the generational
What advise will you give parents desiring to have the best
gap and are really not a big deal, and which issues are foundational
relationships with their children in
and need to be wrestled with.
this technology dependent age and
- We should encourage our
time.
children to communicate with us openly and to freely express their
I know that conventional wisdom is that parenting the millennial generation is radically different from parenting previous
views to us, even when we don’t agree with them. We should ensure we don’t frustrate/ gag our children. - Finally, we need to really
generations.
remember our childhoods, not
on getting home from work
through the rose-tinted spectacles
(especially in the early years before
However, I strongly believe that
that portray us as perfect children
our daughters went to boarding
whilst each generation indeed has
who never set a foot wrong, but
school), was to spend time with the
key differences from the preceding
with the honest spectacles, that
family, reviewing homework,
generation, there are many
remind us of the many times we
talking to the girls and my husband
general principles that will always
also missed the mark during our
etc., not cooking. If my husband had
apply.
childhoods. I think this will help
been one of those men who insisted I cook a fresh pot of stew every day, I would simply have been unable to do
us be more empathetic parents. Permit me to cite a few examples: - Recognition that our children
THINKING ALOUD | JAN - MAR 2018
| 20 |
To address your specific question
inspiring personality re the impact of this technology dependent age – apart from the
10
obvious issues of technology/social media addiction, there is the added risk of youthful misdeeds becoming permanent records. The millennials must be mindful of what they post online. They must be keenly aware
“don’t marry someone who doesn’t respect and love you as a person; don’t marry someone who is inclined to physical violence”
On a lighter note, you have maintained a great physical stature; do you have any tips you may want to share with other women on how you keep fit?
that silly comments/photos posted online at a young age, could end up being the reason why a potential
Well, I’m not so sure if I can
employer doesn’t give you a job a few years down the line. Technology is a great enabler, but we all (not
really claim to have a great Permit me to cite a few examples -
just millennials) need to ensure that
a Christian shouldn’t marry an
we control it, and not the other way
unbeliever (2 Corinthians 6:14),
round.
don’t marry someone who will not support your life goals (this will often be clear in courtship); don’t
physical stature. We were recently looking at some photos taken when we had our first daughter 21 years ago, and I was definitely much slimmer (15kg, less to be precise) then than I am now!
marry someone who doesn’t
Pa Akintola Williams, a wonderful
respect and love you as a person;
gentleman whom I admire greatly,
don’t marry someone who is
once gave me the following advice
inclined to physical violence. Many
on healthy living - he said “do
of these traits might not be
everything in moderation”. I try to
directly obvious in courtship but
adopt this philosophy – I exercise
they can be deduced e.g. if a man
regularly (swimming and
slaps his domestic staff at the
aerobics). I only drink water and
slightest provocation – you can
green tea, I don’t drink alcohol,
deduce that he has trouble
soft drinks, or packaged juices. I
controlling his temper and the
also try to eat healthily – roast
chances are he could end up being
rather than fry; lots of fruit and
I will start by saying that, to be
a violent husband; if a woman is
vegetables.
guaranteed of having a happy/
focused on receiving material gifts
successful marriage, one’s choice of
I don’t want to leave your readers
during your courtship – you can
marriage partner must be led by
with the erroneous impression
deduce that her focus in marriage
God. It is impossible to look into the
that I’m a paragon of virtue … so,
may be on what she can get out of
future and use human wisdom to
I must also confess that I have a
the marriage rather than on what
determine, with absolute certainty,
sweet tooth, and regularly eat
she can put in, to fulfil her role as
who will make a good life partner.
chocolates and desserts. But, I also
help-meet; if a man wants to eat
weigh myself almost every day, so
fresh stew cooked by his wife
I know when an intervention is
every day – you can deduce that he
needed. I believe that the best way
may struggle to support his wife
to maintain a healthy weight is to
having a demanding career as that
adopt a healthy lifestyle rather
tends to go hand-in-hand with
than embarking on a series of
bulk cooking at weekends, and
extreme diets, which work in the
defrosting during the week!
short term but aren’t sustainable.
9 People marry for different reasons. What key attributes should intending couples look out for in their choice of a life partner? Can you give one valuable marital advice for young couples aspiring to be successful in their marriages and careers?
Having said that, there are certain people that intending couples should avoid, and this will help them narrow down the pool of potential life partners, so they only pray about real potential partners.
| 21 |
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RDSF PROJECTS The Rehoboth Dream Solid
kind hearted people and
Foundation (RDSF) is a non-profit,
organizations in Nigeria can send
non-partisan, non-governmental
help to indigent students, with the
Foundation, which seeks to engage
assurance and confidence that their
in charitable activities that will
financial support will achieve the
advance the social and economic
desired objectives.
wellbeing of the less privileged through the promotion of
SKILLS ACQUISITION
in September 2009, is built on the
I
biblical principle of love and it is
Nigeria. The program was designed
sustainable education, mentoring and skills acquisition. The foundation, which was incorporated
coordinated by the Rehoboth Trustees who are God-fearing men and women that have distinguished themselves in their various fields of endeavour.
n 2015, RDSF sponsored some students for a skills acquisition program held at ‘The
WorkPlace Centre’ in Lagos to offer young adults basic IT skills, entrepreneurship training and communication training. In 2016, RDSF held the second edition of her skills acquisition program in Ekiti State University. The program had
OUR COMMITMENT
W
e pledge absolute transparency on the management of the
Foundation’s finances and we will ensure that our audited annual report is made public and available for all interested parties. Our goal is to ensure that the RDSF becomes a veritable channel through which
in attendance 58 participants from 5 tertiary Institutions. The one-week program was targeted at final year students with the aim to upgrade their ICT and soft skills to prepare them for workplace experience. The modules included courses such as graphic and web design, Peachtree (accounting software), MS Excel and PowerPoint, critical thinking etc.
THINKING ALOUD | JAN - MAR 2018
| 22 |
“We do not just give scholarship to students on one time basis, but monitor, mentor and motivate our awardees to ensure a successful completion of their program and to be well placed in the society. ”
rdsf projects
Graphic students at The RDSF Skills Acquisition
Beneficiaries of the RDSF Skills Acquisition Program
Program held in Ekiti (Aug 2016).
held in Ekiti State University, Ado- Ekiti (Aug 2016).
Training session at The Workplace Centre, Victoria
Visit to University of Jos, Plateau State, Nigeria
Island, Lagos State (Sep 2015).
(Apr 2016).
Visit to Ahmadu Bello University, Zaria
Visit to Ahmadu Bello University, Zaria
(Jun 2017).
(Jun 2017).
RDSF Soft Skills Program held at The Workplace
RDSF Soft Skills Program held at The Workplace
Centre, Victoria Island Lagos (Sep 2015).
Centre, Victoria Island Lagos (Sep 2015). | 23 |
A QUARTERLY MAGAZINE
rdsf projects
2018/2019 Session scholarship application. This program will give indigent students opportunity to apply for support from the Foundation. Application is currently open. Deadline for applications is
APPRECIATION
April 9th - 27th 2018.
The Rehoboth Dream Solid Foundation (RDSF) hereby expresses appreciation
Kindly visit our website www.rehobothdreamsolidfoundation.org
for more information on
and gratitude to all supporters, partners and donors who have made past years outstanding for the Foundation. Together, we are working to change lives for the better‌.
upcoming programs/events.
THINKING ALOUD | JAN - MAR 2018
Little drops, big changes.
| 24 |
success story must last for the whole six years
not to talk of my admission fees. I
in primary school. My parents
was in the state of confusion and
couldn’t buy me textbooks and
depression until that fateful day,
notebooks, so I lagged behind in
in the same year, when I met with
class and became an object of
Mummy Bamipe, one of the
ridicule to my classmates.
teenagers coordinators of
My older siblings were unable to
Redeemed Christian Church of
complete their secondary education, but I was determined to
M
y name is Emmanuel Adeoye Muyiwa. I was born into the family of
Mr. and Mrs Abiodun. I am a native of Ogun State from Ijebu Okun-
Solid Foundation.
myself. I ventured into petty trade
I came under the support of
such as selling of recharge cards
Rehoboth Dream Solid Foundation
and charging of phones.
on the 10th of November 2010.
My dad wasn’t concerned about
The Foundation came to my
enrolling his children into higher institution because of his financial
Growing up as a child wasn't
achievable by paying my fees from my first year till my final year. and checked in on my academic
Dream Solid Foundation. I am 31
the sixteen children.
rescue and made my dream
They also provided mentorship
existing beneficiary of Rehoboth
family in which I am the twelfth of
introduced me to Rehoboth Dream
struggle to earn some money for
Owa in Odogbolu L.G.A. I am an
years of age, and from a polygamous
God Resurrection Parish, who
“Because I was passionate about education and achieving my dreams, I started a cleaning service to raise money to further my education.”
performance.
luxurious for me. I experienced a lot of challenges from my primary school (Ilasan Community Primary School) to secondary school (Victoria Island Secondary School) education. I got into Primary 1 in Ilasan Community Primary School when I was 8 years old. The basic things needed for me to grow up intelligently were hardly provided. On many occasions, I was sent home from school due to my torn and patched school uniform; my father had warned me that my uniform
status and his mentality about the unemployment situation devastating many graduates in Nigeria. Because I was passionate about education and achieving my dreams, I started a cleaning service to raise money to further my education. My efforts to raise money were not enough as I couldn’t cover my acceptance fees,
| 25 |
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success story: Rehoboth Dream Solid
I served in Community Secondary School Umomi, Ofu L.G.A Kogi
Foundation, brought a lot of
State. I was nominated as the Assistant CLO. I experienced the riot
changes to my life, making me the
that happened between the Igala people and the Fulani herdsmen. I and
only graduate in my family. Now,
my fellow corp members went to where the Fulani herdsmen were to
my parents always seek my advice
interview them and showed love to them. Something intrigued me about
and opinion on any family issue.
the beautification of the tents built by the Fulanis for survival. I taught
In addition, the Foundation has
the students of the village about the relevance of education, and from
taught me to be independent, and
my own story I was able to explain to them why education is the best
to apply my knowledge as a
legacy.
biochemist to influence my community. Also, I am relevant to my community and confident among my peers.
Even while in school, I was able to apply the knowledge incorporated from studying biochemistry into the production of beans flour and dehydration of onions. I ventured into the production of beans flour with an innovation called 3 in 1 pulverised beans flour, which consists of beans flour, pulverised chilli and scotch-bonnet, and dehydrated onion. This was achieved after intense feasibility studies in the university campus. The campus needs were met, and I grew from one congo of beans to bags of beans.
My NYSC period was a wonderful experience for me. I had the opportunity to visit a state I had never been to before. THINKING ALOUD | JAN - MAR 2018
| 26 |
HEALTH & FITNESS attacks are the leading cause of Alabi Bukola popularly called
sudden death.
BUKKIUM is a young social activist and certified HSE trainer and instructor. She is a member of Institute of Occupational Safety and Health (IOSH) and currently working with Safeguard Safety and Management centre. For more knowledge on Health and Safety talk contact 07036965471.
The Risk attached to this, is that the heart will stop beating
F
(Death). irst aid is the immediate
become damaged through a
skilled care, initial
process called atherosclerosis.
assistance or treatment
given to someone in need, injured or suddenly taken ill before movement to the hospital, or the arrival of more advanced medical assistance such as trained medical personnel or an ambulance/
After some time, the surface of the fatty deposits or plaque begins to erode, and the blood starts to clot over the eroded surface. This clot can completely block the artery.
emergency medical service.
Signs and symptoms: Someone who is experiencing a heart attack may display one or more of the following signs and symptoms: •
Sweating
•
Pain or discomfort in the chest, arms, jaw, neck, or teeth;
Heart attacks can occur suddenly, This article is focused on how to respond swiftly to cardiovascular emergencies because, truly, our heart is one of the most important organs in the human body and seconds are vital in reviving patients of heart-related
without warning or exertion.
normally described as squeezing
When a coronary artery is
•
Tightness or a crushing pain
blocked, the area of muscle below
•
Pallor of the skin
the blockage can die within four
•
Nausea
•
Shortness of breath
medical intervention and drugs.
•
Sense of impending doom
As only advanced medical
Management/Control of a Heart
professionals can administer these
Attack:
drugs, the key to survival is
A simple mnemonic to remember is
calling an ambulance or seeking
DRS ABCD, which represents the
medical attention quickly. Heart
step by step instructions to follow in
to six hours. This can be prevented with appropriate
emergencies.
The heart is a muscle that pumps blood around the body. It receives its blood through coronary arteries. From the age of about 20
the event of a heart attack:
years, these arteries start to | 27 |
A QUARTERLY MAGAZINE
health & fitness Danger, Response, Send for help,
•
Response
Airway, Breathing, CPR (Cardiopulmonary Resuscitation) + Control Major Bleeding, and Defibrillation
Danger!
LISTEN for the escape of air from nose and mouth
Unconsciousness is a state of
•
FEEL for breath on the side of your face / movement of the
unresponsiveness, where the
chest and upper abdomen.
victim cannot be roused, is unaware of his/her surroundings
This should take you no longer
and no purposeful response can be
than 10 seconds.
obtained. When checking a Before approaching any situation, you must assess the scene for any threat to: •
person’s response, you are assessing how well their brain is functioning.
Cardiopulmonary Resuscitation (CPR) CPR (otherwise known as Heart-
yourself and anyone else assisting with the situation
•
the casualty or casualties
•
Bystanders or onlookers near the scene.
By rushing into the situation without properly assessing what has occurred, you are compromising your safety. If you are injured while attempting to assist the casualty,
Send for help: Emergency Medical Services (EMS)
Breathing and Chest Compression Where available, you are to choose the Emergency Medical Service response appropriate to the severity of the injury or illness and the situation. Call Lagos state emergency number on 112 or 767.
Airway
danger from the casualty (or the
When a victim is unconscious, all
to a safe place and wait for further assistance.
to restore the functions of the heart and lungs. Cardio refers to the heart, while pulmonary refers to the lungs. CPR is applied to a casualty that is unresponsive and not breathing. Effective CPR involves 30 compressions followed by 2 breaths.
the scene is not safe, remove the
safe). If this cannot be achieved, go
combination of Artificial Breathing or Mouth-to-Mouth
you will be unable to help them. If
casualty from the danger, if it is
Lungs Resuscitation) is a
muscles are relaxed. If the victim
You should not perform CPR:
is left lying on the back, the tongue, which is attached to the
•
back of the jaw, falls against the back wall of the throat and blocks air from entering the lungs. Get a Safety Note:
Always remember to reassess the
about any dangers and kept at a
•
when there are obvious signs of death, for example rigor mortis
victim.
•
when the casualty’s injuries are clearly too severe for
Breathing
survival.
Normal breathing is essential to
safe distance to ensure they do not
maintaining life. Victims who are
become casualties. Once the scene
gasping or breathing abnormally
is considered safe, bystanders can
and are unresponsive require
be asked to assist if needed.
resuscitation.
Remember to ELIMINATE,
To check for breathing, you
ISOLATE or MINIMISE hazards!
rescuers
lying bay or cloth to lay the
safety while treating the casualty. Bystanders should be warned
when it is too dangerous to
Apply defibrillator if available and follow voice prompts. An AED (Automated External Defibrillation) is a device that has
should: •
Defibrillation
been designed in a way that a
LOOK for movement of the
person with little or no training
upper abdomen or lower chest
can use it effectively and safely.
THINKING ALOUD | JAN - MAR 2018
| 28 |
health & fitness Steps to manage a heart attack When a heart attack occurs, the steps for management are: •
Seek medical attention (make sure EMS are en route).
•
Carry out primary assessment, DRS ABCD.
•
If unresponsive, but breathing is adequate, place the casualty in a stable side position.
•
Have the casualty stop all physical activity, and any unnecessary movement.
•
If conscious, place them in a comfortable position, normally the sitting position as it is easier to breathe in this position.
•
If the casualty has their medication, assist them in following their cardiac plan
•
Loosen any tight clothing
•
If the person becomes unconscious, prepare for potential cardiac arrest
•
Carry out secondary assessment
•
Rest and reassure
There are some ways to prevent a heart attack •
Avoid eating fried food as much as possible, it’s safer to cook food than frying
•
Avoid smoking and alcohol if you have any cardiac issue
•
Exercise regularly
•
Timely reports of any heart condition to your doctor
•
Some Pains (referred pains) around the jaw could signify a heart condition
| 29 |
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health & fitness
the uncoded lifestyle of the rich Coach Ojoi is a UK Certified Life & NLP Coach, a WINBOX Certified Health & Wellness Coach and a Certified First Aid/CPR participant. He has been in the Fitness Industry for approximately 14 years. He's worked with various organizations, medical institutions and high profile clients like Mo Abudu, Lanre Olusola (The Catalyst), Charles Otudo (Adstrat), Alex Lopez (Nollywood Actress), Susan Patrick (Nollywood Actress), Prof James Ene Henshaw (Theatre Director/Calabar Carnival Commission) etc Coach Ojoi currently runs a Fitness Bootcamp in Lekki Phase 1, Lagos State, Nigeria.
You may contact Coach Ojoi at coachojoi@gmail.com +234 806 646 7254
E
very rich man understands that without good health, there ’s the possibility of losing his wealth. It is common knowledge that the pursuit of wealth comes with emotional and physical challenges such as depression, anxiety, insomnia, heart attack, high blood pressure, fatigue etc. The rich are often eager
to invest in proper nutrition and fitness routine in order to overcome certain ailments that could hinder their productivity.
Like Dr. Richard Willis said in his book ‘your health in your hands’ “If we cannot be predictive of our health, we can be preventive through a healthy lifestyle of eating right and strengthening our cardio …”.
I share the following tips on the uncoded lifestyle that continues to make the rich live ‘healthier lives’:
1. They source for help and direction from professionals/experts in various fields. 2. They consciously invest in their health by eating right and exercising. 3. They value their time and apply effective time management skills. THINKING ALOUD | JAN - MAR 2018
| 30 |
book overview T
he book, Eze went to school, is an account of how I actually succeeded
in going to school and was able to complete my education to a very high standard despite the difficulties and hardships I encountered at various times.
Some of the older children walked to school and trekked home alone I say trekked because they were often
Benjamin Onyekachi Eze is the
The situation in Nigeria and the
author of the book ‘Eze went to
UK did not stop me, JAMB (a
school’. He holds a first class in
Nigerian university admissions
BSc (Hons) Business Information
body) did not stop me, striking
Technology from the University of
lecturers did not stop me, multiple
Greenwich, London. Benjamin also
visa rejections did not stop me, my
After school, the children at Corona
completed a Research Masters
background did not stop me,
had the pleasure of being bought
degree at the same university,
limited finances – and many times
snacks in wrappers and ice cream in
where he developed a GIS
a complete lack of money – did not
ice cream cones before they were
(Geographical Information
stop me, and people with evil
driven home in their cars either by
System) solution for Medway
intentions definitely did not stop
their parents or a driver – who was
Council Kent and English
me. I thank God for His abundant
sometimes accompanied by a maid.
Heritage to support their
grace.
UNESCO bid for a World Heritage Site, and was awarded a
hungry after school, and would have to walk a long way. I know this because I was one of them.
I didn’t have such pleasure. The I attended a primary school called
most I could sometimes afford was a
‘Hope’ and just over the other side
local snack called ‘Kuli-Kuli’ –
of the fence was another primary
ground roasted peanuts mixed with
Benjamin is a professional member
school called ‘Corona.’ I observed
spices to form a paste and then
of British Computer Society –
that all the children in Corona
made into round balls -, or a local
BCS, The Chartered Institute for
school were always driven to
ice cream called ‘Zobo.’ I should not
IT. He is presently working for
school in flashy cars in the
really call ‘Zobo’ an ice cream. It
PRS for Music in London England
mornings and picked up again in
was actually a beverage made from
as a Business Intelligence
the afternoon after school.
dried Rosella plant, but since it was
Masters by Research.
frozen it was as good as an ice
Specialist. In contrast, the majority of the
cream to me. It was a real treat.
He is happily married to Mrs
children at Hope school would
Moradeyo Eze and they are blessed
arrive on foot with their parents
My dad worked as a chef for the
with two boys, Naphtali and
in the morning and leave on foot
British Consulate in my home
Joseph.
again in the afternoon.
country, Nigeria. On one occasion | 31 |
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book overview: my dad was working at a location
Around the time I finished
one of the Nigerian universities
where he was allocated a room in
secondary school there was only
offering me a place to study
the staff quarters. There a rule that
one way to gain a place at
medicine which had been my
staff were not allowed to have more
university: you had to sit an
original dream. It was a surprise
than a certain number of people
examination called JAMB (Joint
but it was too late, my heart was
living with them. My dad has a large
Admissions and Matriculations
already set on studying computing
family (six boys and one girl) but
Board). In order to study at a
abroad, and besides I did not want
luckily for him most of his children
university and on a programme of
to spend ten years or more
were at university and lived on
your choice you had to gain a
studying a course that should
campus. They only returned home
certain number of points
normally take seven years – partly
during the holidays, and that was
otherwise you could be put on a
due to the several issues plaguing
for a short period. When they did
completely unrelated programme
Nigerian universities at the time
return, we all managed to live in the
to the one you actually wanted.
including cultism, rioting students
single room allocated to my dad.
and striking lecturers.
“I had been served with deportation papers, my passport had been seized by the authorities, I had just started my Masters programme and was going to abandon it, and I was ready to return home to a life and future of uncertainties.”
“We were evicted with nowhere to go; we stood outside with our belongings. My mum had a small shop roofed with corrugated aluminium sheets and this was where we stayed.”
Rumours soon spread and one
One of my several challenges
night there was an unexpected
narrated in the book, was about
inspection of the staff quarters, and they found that my dad and all his family were in his room. We were evicted with nowhere to go; we stood outside with our belongings. My mum had a small shop roofed with corrugated aluminium sheets and this was where we stayed. One night while we slept outside, I wandered the
My original intention was to become a medical doctor and then specialise as a surgeon, but I later found myself studying computing and specialising in software
how I had been denied a visa (one of my multiple rejections) and given less than ten days to leave the UK. I had been served with deportation papers, my passport had been seized by the authorities, I had just started
development. My interest in computing was inspired by one of my brothers who was already a professional in the field.
my Masters programme and was going to abandon it, and I was ready to return home to a life and future of uncertainties.
streets of Ikoyi and could not understand what was happening.
An opportunity soon came to
Different evil thoughts kept
study abroad through one of my
coming into my head; I thought
other brothers. Coincidentally,
this was the end of life because of
around the same time I received
the hopeless situation we found
an offer to study computing in the
ourselves in.
UK, I also received a letter from
THINKING ALOUD | JAN - MAR 2018
| 32 |
My Mum was aware of my returning and had bought me a new mattress to replace the old one in my room. On the night when I had already checked in online for my flight for
book overview: the next morning, a dramatic intervention and turnaround of my situation was initiated when I received a phone call from my friend Solomon.
He was going to take me to the airport because I did not have any money for transportation, not even money for the excess luggage I had packed. On that night, he was talking to his Dad about an unrelated matter, and during their conversation he casually explained my circumstances to him.
Solomon’s Dad was moved and his exact words for me were ‘tell the young man not to return home’. Those words were soon followed by action and the rest as they say is now history.
It is my dream that one day the book will be turned into a film, a documentary, or a drama. It is also my desire that the book will be translated into many languages. I pray that my story will bring hope, inspiration and encouragement to as many people as possible.
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naija moments Olanike Oloruntoba is a
even wait up because you really are not sleepy and
freelance writer with a
then when you eventually want to call it a night
BSc (Hons) degree in
because it feels like you have been waiting up for an
Political Science and 8
eternity, you check the time and it is just 7:45pm.
years professional work experience in the insurance field. She enjoys reading, engaging in thought-provoking conversations and expressions of thoughts.
I
So, it is on one of those evenings that NEPA (now known as PHCN – Power Holding Company of Nigeria) would succeed in restoring the power supply. And that is when you experience it… The excitement and energy, the screams and hoots; from the old and the young, the awake and the asleep, all
grew up when and where generators were not a
charging up to the frenzy! The house that was as
necessity. In fact, if my memory serves me right,
lifeless as the moon suddenly starts bustling with
only factories had generators back then. One
noise – happy noise!
could say it was because the town I grew up in was a bit behind in catching up with development and one could also say it was because there was a relatively stable power supply. I think it was more of the latter. Anyway, it was always a big deal whenever something major goes wrong with the power supply and we ’re left in a state of total black out, sometimes for days.
There’s a particular shout that comes with this celebration. Hearing the uniformity of the shout is amazing. If you happen to be on the streets when the power is restored, apart from the one-second fright you might get because you are caught unawares with the shout, you actually get to hear how the shout is echoed from house to house all the way down the
Each day goes by in a drag and the setting sun brings
street. What shout though?
with it an assured nudge towards bedtime. After
UP NEPA!!!
dinner, there’s nothing much left to do, so we all just shuffle off to our rooms to sleep (or count ceiling boxes, if you can see them, that is). Sometimes you THINKING ALOUD | JAN - MAR 2018
| 34 |
POETRY CORNER 3 DAYS TO PACK
"Albert, go make restitution You
Weariness controlled him now
(The Story Of Albert)
have less than 72 hours to live"
Passers-by couldn't helped a bit And Lo! The beggar came by
...And the winged-creature in a
So, his packing began
As he rose, attempting to speak
garment of white said "You are
Ceased theft and harlotry
favoured to know this, Albert; you
Albert stumbled and fell.
Forgiveness, he sought from
have three days to pack..."
neighbours Goodies and Baggies returned
Once, there was one Albert
And heap of lies revealed
He got drunk and slipped off
He has less than 48 hours to live.
Eunice O.BamgbopaŠ2017
And there he laid in a ditch Off, dizziness took him away
Soon, gave out his properties
He snored better than a pig
Remitted all taxes and debt
Drops from sky fell on silly him.
So, he was relieved! Waiting now for the death
So, vision fell on Albert
All preparation were done
A winged creature he saw
For he has less than 24 hours to
Tall in his great white garment He hasn't left him void of words "You are favoured to know this, Albert, you have 3 days to pack"
live.
OLATUNJI, Eunice Opeyemi A.K.A Eunice O. Bamgbopa is in
What manner of death will come? Having fully packed Has he been in trance all while? Sharply, he was caught with
her final year studying Geology in Ladoke Akintola University of Technology, Oyo State. She began writing stories/drama at age 12. Her first poem titled "One Bad
Swiftly, he hopped from the ditch
remembrance
Apple" was written in response to
Off to Cathedral, he ran
'The blind beggar he stole from
a call for poems in her church for
The pope, he divulged to
No! Less than 12 hours left.
Sadly, Pope unveiled saying "Albert, you have 3 days to live"
a Singles Summit Program. Her passion for poetry grew thereafter.
Roadways to streets he searches The blind pauper he found not
Oh! I will know no marriage?
"Blind beggar, come! please!"
He ceased not to lament
Screamingly, he spoke Tears
Profusely, he wept and gnashed
wheeled and dispersed so fast Just
But then, Pope reminded
2 hours left to live
| 35 |
She has written several poems, which include "The Farmer's Daughter, The Chronicles of Man, Beyond Rocks, Under The Bridge, Eight And Ten, etc. Her writings cover the following themes: Value System, Culture, Hope and Love. A QUARTERLY MAGAZINE
cartoon
Cre dit : Ak inso la Ade j uwo n Re nde ring : O lamide Ag unbia de
THINKING ALOUD | JAN - MAR 2018
t o be c o nt inue d...
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