This Is... Magazine Spring 2019 by thisismag

This Is... Spring 2019 Edition

Carla M a r i e celebrating her path

An opinionated mom on

Celebrating Disability

Celebrating

The

love after loss

Celebration Issue

Celebrate the silverlinings in life like adoption after finding out pregnancy could kill you, Finding love in unexpected places, Funny stories from awkward party encounters, and more!

Photo By: Andrea Michelle Photography

Table of Contents 31

OPINIONATED

Celebrating Special Needs

Letter from the Editor

ADULTING

NEWSWORTHY

Friendship Breakup

Laura Burkhart

Morning Routines & New Moon Rituals

The Giver Who Lifted Me Out Of Darkness

THE WORLD

PARTY TIME

Celebration in Germany

This Is... A Party

INSPIRING

GOOD SHIT

Hot Air Balloons

Books, Music, & Life

HEALTHY

GOOD SHIT

Letâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Celebrate You, Every Day

Darling Little Accents

FAILURE

The Most Beautiful of Silver Linings

Party Edition

Dress For The Party

REAL Celebrating the Journey to 30 and Beyond

VULNERABLE Moving to Indonesia

LOVE The Offline Movement

LOVE Celebrating Love After Loss

HOW TO

LOL WORTHY

GENEROUS

YOURS

This Is... [Me]

A letter from the editor.

i Friends!

Life is hard. I’ve known t h a t since I was a child. Not because I’ve had a hard life but because the motto I heard repetitively throughout my childhood was, “Life isn’t fair.” And from there it’s not far-fetched to conclude that life being unfair also means that life isn’t easy. But, it’s those bad things that make the good in life so much better. It’s the unfairness that makes the justice taste sweeter. It’s the hard work that makes you proud of the outcome. And, it’s the positive things that come from the negative that we’re choosing to focus on in this issue – life’s silver linings. In this issue we are choosing to celebrate the good that came from the bad: your broken engagement resulted in you finding the true love of your life, your inability to get pregnant lead to the adoption of your beautiful daughter, your divorce helped you find yourself. And, I hope that by choosing to focus on and celebrate the silver linings in life throughout this issue, you are inspired to continue making the same choice every day.

Photo By: Andrea Michelle Photography

But, we’re not only focusing on the good that came out of the bad, we’re also celebrating the good that’s just fundamentally good – like good clothes, good routines, and good times. So with that, This Is… The Celebration Issue… Let’s Party!

Marie

Photo By: Andrea Michelle Photography

Carla

This Is... [Real]

Celebrating The Journey to 30 And BEyond By: Tatum Garino

t 31-years-old Carla Marie cohosts the 106.1 morning show in Seattle, Washington, cohosts the My Day Friday podcast, hosts her own Side Hustlers podcast, is a social media maven, partners with brands on the reg, contributes to this magazine, and travels non-stop, including to visit her family that’s across the country in New Jersey. If all of that wasn’t enough stress for her, her first year in her 30s brought a year of craziness with of a broken hand that required surgery and physical therapy, three station switches between new stations and new time slots, and added members to the radio show she cohosts. As we sat down over endless appetizers and wine to dive into the journey that got her to where she is in this mess called life, she reflected on how she got to where she is, who she is, and how she embraces and celebrates it all. Over the course of a little more than an hour I felt like I had just listened to one big motivational speech. But, as you’ll soon find out, that’s just the magic of who Carla Marie is. Tatum Garino: To the world, you’re a radio host, a podcast host, an East Coast native, but how do you describe yourself? Carla Marie: Oh man! I literally hate this question because I actually had to [answer] this for work and it made me stop and realize I don’t think I know who I am. And then I asked a bunch of my friends and it helped me

realize I do know who I am I just needed confirmation. I describe myself as an independent, career-driven woman who cares about her friends, who is unorganized but likes to think she’s organized, who’s mind goes a billion miles a second – like I’m constantly thinking about the next idea, what can I do next to better myself, to better the people around me, to build my brand more – I care about my family but I can’t really say family first because they’re not around me. You know, I’m living on the other side of the country from them so that is a big part of the reason why I’ve become so independent. I’m a traveler, I’m an explorer, I’m basically Dora the Explorer – it’s what I’ve been telling people lately but not an 8-year-old Hispanic girl [laughs], I’m thirty-one and blonde. But, one of the most recent things that I’ve found when talking to my friends about who I am was dramatic and I actually loved that description because it’s often seen in a negative way but I look at it as I get super excited about things – everything is over the top for me whether it’s good or bad. TG: You’re animated. CM: Very – I am very animated. And another one was over-sharer. Everyone in my life knows all the little things that they probably shouldn’t know about me and yeah, I’m a dramatic oversharer – that’s me! [Laughs] TG: So what’s been your journey to getting where you are as an independent, career-driven, dramatic over-sharer?

CM: I think it goes back to being a kid because I had a brother who was 17 years older than me so when you’re five and your brother is in his 20s and he’s babysitting you and my sister was 15 years older than me so they were both adults helping raise me obviously along with my parents but it’s so cool now to look back and realize that they molded me. My brother would, you know, tease me, take me places, make me strong because he would literally tease me the same way he would tease a sibling three years apart from him but I was five-years-old or seven. So he would beat me up and do all the things you would do so I was physically strong but also mentally – yeah you have bullies when you grow up but they’re not saying anything different than your siblings would say so you’re ready for it. So I think a lot of that came from being a kid with older siblings and having a loud family and a younger sibling I didn’t get along with that now I do but a lot of that builds you up for the outside world and once I got to middle school and high school I was literally hands in every single thing – every club, student council, class president, cheerleading – all of it. I wanted to be the leader in all of those organizations and at the time I didn’t know that was my personality, I just wanted it. Looking back it’s like oh my god, that was so me it makes sense. As soon as I got to college I was on the program that brought events to campus because I really really really wanted to figure out a way

This Is... to get into entertainment any way I could. Then when I switched colleges I got involved at the radio station at Rutgers and it was just how do I get involved and stay on top. And I don’t know really where that “get involved” thing came from, but my mom as a kid would always say to me, “Be a leader not a follower.” Literally every day – like at dinner, “Be a leader not a follower. Be a lady don’t be a slut.” I swear to you, these are things she’d say to me as a child. And I think the be a leader thing really stuck with me without realizing at the time. Also, the be a lady thing didn’t stick but the don’t be a slut thing kind of stuck. [Laughs] So in a roundabout way, that’s how I got to where I am. TG: And are you proud of your journey? Do you have regrets? CM: I mean I guess every person has regrets but hearing that question there’s nothing that I’m like, “Oh my god, I regret this, I wish I didn’t do it.” Because it’s easy to say like I spent my freshman year of college at University of Rhode Island then I transferred to Rutgers where I spent the next three years and I’m obsessed with my time at Rutgers, so it’s easy to say I regret going out of state because I could have saved money, I could have built friendships sooner, but I have so many amazing friends that I made that freshman year that have stuck with me and that have been a pivotal part of who I am and I don’t regret it – I can, but I don’t because of what did grow from it. So, in the sense of having regrets – yeah there are probably tiny little things like shoudn’t have kissed that boy, or gotten involved with that boy, or those things but they have made me who I am

and I don’t have huge things that I really regret because the second I got the chance to take a huge risk I did and that was moving across the country to move to Seattle. And if I didn’t take that risk we wouldn’t be having this conversation, but if we were I would probably be telling you I regret not taking that risk. TG: Yeah. CM: And I did have other options before that but they didn’t feel right to me, they just didn’t make sense. And this one did. And I know that I would be kicking myself in the ass if I didn’t take it so I don’t have any regrets. And I’m so proud of journey. Because I’m happy with what I do and where I am and the fact that I have taken risks it does make me proud. But, I’m proud and I should be proud. TG: I know that you didn’t include this as part of your definition of yourself, but you are a 31-yearold woman. CM: [Laughs] Yes. TG: And so as a 31-year-old woman, what does accepting and celebrating yourself mean to you? CM: Well I think the reason I didn’t include it is because me at 31 isn’t so different from me at 24. I try not to define people by their age because I have friends who are much younger that I can be at the same level as career-wise, life-wise, and just conversation-wise so I stopped looking at age as a thing a long time ago. And so that’s part of why it’s been so easy to accept being in my 30s. When I turned 25 I had a full-blown meltdown. I

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was like, “This is it. My life is over.” And then by the time I was 26 I realized nothing was different and I worked in radio, in an industry where I was surrounded by people who were 15 to 30 years older than me at the time who I could look at as younger than me on a personality and mental basis. And I was like, “This industry is going to keep me young.” And if I just go with it and stop being forced into roles that society tries to force us in and keep doing what I want to do that makes me happy then I’ll be whatever age I want to be and just use good moisturizer all the time and I’ll be fine. And I think that’s when I started to realize – when I was 27, two of my male coworkers turned 30 and I was like, “Damn, they’re cool. If they’re cool at 30 there’s no reason I can’t be cool at 30.” And that really put things into perspective for me because I think when I was 20, 21, 22 I was so scared of getting older because I looked at “older” people as, “Oh my god, that sucks. They’re not having fun.” And I’m probably more fun now than I was at 21 and 22! So seeing people who turned 30 and still being “cool” gave me hope. And I think at any age just being comfortable with who you are and understanding that I am this person for a reason. Whether it’s a person I don’t like or a person I love, I’m that person for a reason. And you can change that. You can say, “Alright, my childhood made me like this,” the same way I said and maybe your childhood didn’t make you a way you want to be but you’re an adult, you can change it. TG: First of all, I must say, your 31 years have bought you some wisdom. But I know that age doesn’t matter to you but the reason I’m focusing

on it is because it is such a pivotal time for a lot of women, entering their 30s, and it’s a scary time for a lot of women. CM: Yes. TG: So with that, I want to ask you – do you think you’ve accepted yourself as you are now? Not just by celebrating your journey but as you are now, as a 31-year-old woman – have you accepted yourself? CM: I definitely think I’ve accepted myself because there’s nothing about me that I would change. If I had to sit down and think what would I change about me? I’d be like, “Uhhh…” Honestly if there was anything I could change about myself it would be to have more energy to go out on Friday and Saturday night. I don’t know if that’s an age thing. TG: [Laughs] Well I’m 25 and I don’t go out. CM: Okay so not an age thing! I would say I used to be more like, “I’ve got to go out, I’ve got to do these things!” But while I did have fun doing all of that stuff I think it was because I was younger and I was looking for that validation and I had insane FOMO and I think as I got older I just didn’t give a fuck. I don’t care, I’ll sit at home and not want to put on heels – I don’t want to get wasted, I don’t want to have a shitty hangover tomorrow. So a lot of it is that when looking at what I would change about myself. But, the person I am now is the same I think

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but maybe even almost younger feeling now because I did take a risk at 27 when I moved here as opposed to the person I was when I was 24 – I was definitely very scared of that kind of thing. They say you’re supposed to take risks when you’re young and I was young at 27, it’s not that I was old, but me at 27 is no different than I am now. I am wiser because I did take a risk and I have learned and moved out on my own out of my friend group, away from my family, and you’re kind of forced to learn things but I’ve completely accepted who I am. The only time I’ve had a moment of “Who the eff am I” is when I did have to sit down for work and write down my personality traits and character traits. And if you’ve never done that for yourself do it but be prepared to have a full blown melt down after it because having to write down traits about yourself, you look at it and you’re like, “That’s not how I would describe myself. How would I?” And it’s the weirdest thing in the world. And that was the only time in my life, and it was recently, that I had a breakdown about who I am. I was like, “I’m just me – can that be an answer?” Because I’m happy with who I am, why do I need to describe who I am? So that was a moment where I was like, “Am I supposed to be someone different?” But I don’t want to be someone different. So that’s my answer: Yes, I’ve accepted myself and I celebrate who I am at 31.

TG: So you alluded to this in your description of accepting yourself now with where you’re at in life but it doesn’t sound like you’ve always been celebratory towards yourself and who you are – is that the case? And if so, what did it take to get you to where you are now? CM: I do think that yes, I have always accepted myself at that moment in my life. When I was 15 I accepted myself and of course when you’re 15 you’re not thinking you’re so awesome and confident and I definitely wasn’t that but I think at every moment in my life if you put me back in that moment I would have accepted myself. But now being older and looking back I realize I wasn’t the me that I am now, I wasn’t as confident as I am now or I wasn’t as brave. And if you were to compare me from 30 to 15, I’m way happier with the me I am now than I was then but even then I wasn’t depressed with who I was. I could easily identify moments where I had body issues, for sure. There were moments with my career where I was like, “I can’t keep doing this forever, I need something different” when I was answering phones for six years, I wanted more but then I got more. So, there were moments where I wasn’t happy but I wasn’t necessarily unaccepting of me, if that makes sense. TG: Yeah, absolutely. Okay so going back to age – you’re 31, I’m going to keep reminding you in case you forget. It’s a pivotal

time for women as I mentioned, it’s when the internal clock starts ticking. CM: Oh yeah. TG: You start comparing yourself where you’re at to where you wanted to be at that time. When you start thinking about those things, how do you feel? Do you want kids? Are you satisfied with where you’re at in life? Are you thinking about these things or are you just living your life? CM: [Laughs] Okay, if you would have told 15-year-old me that I would not only be living on the opposite side of the country from my family but by myself, single, without kids I probably would have sat in a corner and cried for days. Because at 15 it’s like, “Oh I can’t wait, by the time I’m 24 I’m going to be married and I’m going to have two kids!” I’ll tell you right now, if I was 24 with two kids I probably would not have been happy but that’s my path and who I am now. If someone’s married at 24 and has two kids, good for you – somebody’s gotta do it and it’s not me! But where I am now at 31, I am so happy that I waited and people look at me and say things like, “Oh you’re so inspiring because you’re not married and you don’t have kids.” But also, that’s just me. My sister is younger than me and she’s like ready to get married, ready to have kids, and that is the path that she’s taking, that’s what she wants. And that’s why I think we do need to stop comparing our-

Photo By: Andrea Michelle Photography

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selves to other people. My younger sister, she’s literally buying a house, by the time this is published she probably owns a house with her boyfriend. Does that make me upset? No! We’re just at different points in our lives. And I think that’s so hard for all of us when it comes to age to look at one another and be like, “Well she’s younger than me and she’s got this!” or “He’s older than me and he doesn’t have half the stuff I have!” but so what? Just do you. But, with going back to being the 15-year-old me expecting 30-year-old me to have way more, I look at that sometimes and I think, “Damn.” I actually went to my gynecologist right before my 30th birthday and I said, “If I decide I want to have kids, when do I need to worry about it?” And she said, “You’ve got about four more years before we need to figure out other options.” And I’m like, “Okay, cool.” Now I have three more years but I’m not sure what I even want yet and that is something that definitely scares me. At 31 years old, I feel like I’m supposed to know if I want kids, not necessarily have them but know if I want them. I don’t know, I really don’t know. There are times when I’m like, “I’ll just adopt.” And that’s fine and that’s how my brain is processing right now. Do I think that in four years I may have a full

This Is... blown melt down that I don’t have my own kids? Maybe. It’s very well possible but I’m at a point now where I can’t worry about that. What’s supposed to happen to me will happen to me without getting fully spiritual because that’s not me. But whatever happens will happen. When it comes to stuff like buying a home, that’s the next step I’m exploring and I’m so excited. And I keep thinking that I can’t wait to post on Instagram that I finally bought my own home – like how cool is that? Like that is what goes through me mind and that is the next step for me. And it goes back to me being independent. I can’t wait to do that. And, yeah you can compare yourself to other people and say, “I can’t wait to do this by myself and show other people it’s possible,” But, it’s really for me to be like, “Damn girl, look what you just did. That’s awesome.” TG: Before I ask my next question, I would like to preface it by saying that I realize I just asked you these questions I’m about to critique, but this is also an interview so it’s what I’m supposed to do. In addition to your 30s being a pivotal time for women, it seems like it’s also a time that people feel they’re entitled to ask you about what you’re doing in life. Have you experienced that? CM: Uhh..

can you put my “YES” in caps, please? [Laughs] It is the most frustrating thing. Not only to be asked what I’m doing in life but to know that my male friends aren’t being asked. And let me preface this by saying I am the last person to sit here and be like, “This is happening to me because I’m female.” Because I’m not going to wave that flag at every chance I get because it’s not always the case. However, I can directly compare myself to my male counterpart, who’s my cohost. TG: Who is also older than you! CM: Oh yeah, three years older. I get asked, “Are you dating?” “Do you want to have kids?” I’m often defined by that side of my life – dating and kids. Whereas he’s just [asked], “What are your hobbies?” And I’m like, “Excuse me, what are my hobbies?” And that drives me freaking bonkers. There definitely was a time when it made me sad but now it’s just like if it’s happening to me, then it’s definitely happening to other women – it could be happening to guys, too, but I know for a fact that it’s happening to women and we talked about it on our [morning radio] show and women actually came forward and were like, “It drives me crazy when people ask me about my personal life and think that’s how I need to be defined.” There are way more other things going on in our lives than our personal lives that we can be defined by. We can be defined by whatever we want to be defined by – it’s up to us as humans to show people what we want to be defined by. And I’m not putting out there that I want to be defined by the guys I’m dating or the fact that I don’t have kinds. Which, I’m fine being defined by the fact that I don’t have

kids but you’re not going to put out there that I’m dating or not dating this guy. It’s crazy to me that people are obsessed with that information about people – it’s the number one question you get after “What do you do?” when you meet a stranger – it’s “What do you do?” “Where do you live?” then it’s “Are you married?” or some variation of that question. And it’s funny because it’s no longer, “Do you have a boyfriend?” it’s, “Are you married?” because I’m 31. And it’s like, hell no! We’re living to say 100 now and if I got married right now and my husband also lived to 100 we’re going to spend almost 70 years together. That’s a long ass time! The idea of marriage came when people were living to 40! Which would mean I’ve got only like 10 years left – that’s a big difference! I’m not saying that I’m against monogamy but I’m saying that I think we all need to just kind of take a step back and stop pushing people into things and just worry about yourself. TG: Jenna Marbles has a video where she talks about that and says something along the lines of, “Why not get married at 60? I think that’s kind of cute!” CM: Yeah! It’s so true. I’m okay getting married now and then in 30 years being like, “Okay this was fun” and moving on – why not? If you both can go your separate ways. But yeah I definitely feel pressure by society and the people around me, the people close to me, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to be sad or cave and find someone to marry. TG: Yeah so how do you deal with those pressures and people specifically saying something to you about what they think you should be doing in life? CM: I literally say, “Back the fuck up, I’m doing me.” [Laughs] So I posted a picture of my friend’s baby on Instagram and I said

This Is... something along the lines of not having kids, just find friends that have cute ones so you can play with them and so many people were like, “Oh my god, you’re a natural” or “I wish you would have kids” and these are complete strangers. And they were saying things that whatever, you could be offended by them, I could be offended by them, but I looked at them and there was one that said, “It’s a shame you don’t want to have kids” and that’s the one that set me off. And I said, “Do not shame me or any woman into feeling like they need to have children. If someone wants to have kids, good for them. If I don’t want to have kids, good for me.” And I respond to these people on Instagram the same way I respond to people in my every day life. There was a long time in my 20s where I told my family I wasn’t having kids, period, end of story. Not so much the case now, my views of children have changed but I still don’t know if I want them but at that time it was a constant battle with my family – which, why are you battling with a 20-year-old? Just ignore them, is what I’d love to go back and say. But they would fight me every family occasion, “You’re so selfish, why don’t you want to have kids?” Okay, that’s

fine – if you want to call me selfish in a bad way and say that I’m selfish for not wanting to have kids I look at it as in a good way where I’m selfish and worrying about me. Again, I was 20, my views have changed somewhat since then but any time anyone says it to my face I will gladly tell them to back the eff up, worry about your own life. Whether

it’s a friend, coworker, parent, cousin, your crazy aunt, boss or someone who is asking you about your personal life, keep in mind – that is your personal life. It is called that for a reason and so many people try to dive into that. Whether they’re nosy or want to compare themselves to you because they’re unhappy with their life so they want to know what’s going on in yours.

Just remember you don’t have to divulge anything. You can say, “I’m fine, it’s not of your business “ or you can give them all the information and that’s a lot of the time when people back up. But I just think no matter if you’re female, male, 22, 30, if you’re happy with where you are or you believe you’re where you are for a reason there’s no reason anyone needs to ask you questions about it. And you can respond with that – “I’m single and couldn’t be happier. Do you have a problem with that?” and if they say yes, then that’s their problem. Elvis, who hosted the show that I started out, would always say the best way to answer your family when they ask at Thanksgiving or Christmas, “Why haven’t you and your husband had kids yet?” is by saying, “Well he only likes butt sex so I can’t have kids.” [Laughs] And that shuts them up forever. So respond like that to everyone to any question in life and it will shut them up. TG: Okay, so you told your family at 20 that you didn’t want to have kids and you were adamant about it. Looking back at Carla Marie in her 20s, not necessarily just in the aspect of wanting or not wanting kids, what advice do you have for her?

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CM: Oh boy. Oh, I hate you for this question. [Laughs] Trust your gut. And I know that’s so freaking cliché to say. But, there were so many things that would happen or that I would get a sense of and I would know this isn’t going to end well for me, or I know I’m going to want out of this – relationship-wise or career-wise, and I would just ride it out because I didn’t have the balls to say it in the moment and it ended exactly how I expected. And sometimes it’s almost easier to ride it out – riding out the storm rather than running right into it I guess – but there are times like when I was in a five year relationship and three years in I knew it probably wasn’t the best thing for me and I should get out now and just have fun in my 20s – and going back to regrets maybe that is a regret, that I didn’t end that relationship sooner, but was I miserable for those last two years in my five year relationship? No. I had fun but I knew it wasn’t going to be the end all, be all for me. So I should have gotten out while I could and I think a lot of it was just trusting your gut. You know what’s right, just

do it. And when it comes to career, I can’t really give myself much advice other than stop complaining. Because there was a time when I would be so wrapped up in the fact that I wanted more and I was going for more, it’s not that I wasn’t, but just stop complaining and keep doing what you’re doing. So I know it’s everywhere but trust your gut. It’s a real thing and I think sometimes we don’t want to believe it’s real because we don’t want to listen but it’s a real, real thing. TG: And what advice do you have for other women who may be struggling with their age or accepting and celebrating themselves? CM: It’s funny, the other day I was thinking to myself, “When am I going to be scared about age?” and I thought maybe when I start to get scared about dying? Which, for the most part I think I have a while. TG: According to your timeline you have almost 70 years! CM: Yeah! And I’m not saying you should be scared about dying but if

Photo By: Andrea Michelle Photography

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you’re struggling with age, I personally don’t think it’s age that you’re struggling with, I think it’s the rest of your life that you’re struggling with and you’re comparing it to the people around you that are the same age. If you’re 30 and all your friends, like mine, are either married or have kids and you’re sad because that’s what you want, is that actually something that you want? Because if it’s something that you truly want and the path that you want to be on, I’m not blaming you, but maybe you would have done that already. If you really want a kid, I know it’s so easy for me to say adopt one, but I’ve met women who are in their 40s who aren’t married who decided, “I’m going to adopt a kid” and that’s their life. If that’s all you want, then you can do it one day. Just because all your friends around you have kids doesn’t mean you have to. You shouldn’t be sad about that, you shouldn’t be

taking for granted the free time that you have to build yourself. All the time that you have to focus on you, don’t spend it bingeing on Netflix just because your married, parent friends can’t. Get out there and do something for you. And I think that’s what all of us need to do, really – guy, girl, any age – focus on you every once in awhile. But if you’re struggling with age at 25 get over it. [Laughs] I was struggling with age at 25 and I got over it. Struggling with age at 40? I can say get over it but I don’t know, I’ll talk to you in about 10 years. But I really think what are you struggling with? Are you struggling with your career? Do you hate your career? Because it has nothing to do with the fact that you’re 40, it has to do with the fact that you hate your career and you just realized, “Oh shit, I’m 40.” Change your life. It’s not that you can’t. Go back to school. Do something to help yourself. Get

involved volunteering that gets you experience to do the next career you want to do. There’s no reason that you can’t change your life at any age. You see these 80 and 90-year-olds going back to college and graduating. They’re doing it, why can’t you do it at 40 and 50? So I think ageism is real and it’s scary and I think we all subconsciously look at people’s age and we think, “Oh my god, you’re that age and you have kids?” “You’re that age and you don’t have kids?” And maybe part of me doesn’t because my mom had my brother at 17 and then she had me in her 30s. So I see it as I could be 17 and have a kid or I can be in my 30s and have a kid. And that’s the same woman teaching me that. So I’m lucky that I’ve had that upbringing but I think we need to stop thinking about age and start thinking about everything around you that you’re not happy with.

This Is... TG: Well you’re probably not going to like my next question then. [Laughs] Now, when this publishes you’ll have been 31 for about a month. When you look back at your first year in your 30s, what’s your biggest takeaway? Was it scary? Was it what you expected? And is it really a big deal? CM: Okay turning 30 was not a big deal at all. And I made sure that I made turning 30 the same as turning 21. I went all out. I wanted to have everything. This was my 30th birthday, I wanted all the stuff. A party, a cake, eve r y t h i n g . But I wanted to make sure that I was embracing it – I wanted to get ahead of it before anyone was like, “Oh, you’re turning 30?! What are you going to do?” Like what do you mean what am I going to do? I’m going to have a freaking party and I’m going be hungover as hell the next day and that’s it. So when it came to turning 30, no, it wasn’t as scary as people say it is because it really was just another year older. But, it just so happened that my 30th year of life was the year that my career got flipped on its head a few times and that had never to me before. And I guess looking back, I’m kind of grateful it happened when I was at a time in my life where I was so secure

and not at 24 because at 24, if my career got flipped upsidedown I don’t know what I would do. I didn’t have the years of experience to know I’d be okay. And I saw it happen to myself a few times this year where things career-wise went ways that I could have never expected, they went ways they had never gone before. And while I did feel miserable because of that I would just remind myself, “You’re go-

I went into 30 with the mindset of, “I’m going to kick this year’s ass. I’m going to own 2018. This is my year.” Just like I say every year, and then BOOM. Punch in the face, kick in the head – all these things happened. And I think if I didn’t go into this year thinking that I was unstoppable, I probably would have been stopped. And I wasn’t. It’s crazy to look back at where I was on my 30th birthday and where I am now and I’m in a completely different spot career-wise and headspace-wise because like I said, I feel like I got my butt kicked so much this year so there’s nothing that could stop me now. And if you’re looking at how 30 agewise, is it what everyone thinks it is? I don’t know what everyone thinks it is, I just knew that by the time I was 27 I was excited to throw a 30th birthday party – that’s how I was looking at it. If you’re 22 thinking, “Ew, 30” that’s fine, I thought that, too. But when you turn 30 you’re not going to be thinking that and if you are, check yourself and realize you’re probably a better person than you were at 22 – trust me. I’m excited for my year as a 31-year-old! Because it’s just another year that I survived.

I think if I didn’t go into this year thinking that I was unstoppable, I probably would have been stopped.

ing to be fine. You’ve been fine in years past. You’re going to be fine. You’re only 30. You’ve got so many other things you can do – literally, you’re only 30, you have 30-something years before you can retire so you’re going to have to find another job or you’re going to keep doing your current job just in a different way.” So I guess I’m grateful it all happened the year that I felt the most powerful. Because

Photo By Adobe Stock

[Vulnerable]

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Dear Younger Me, It’s a scary time in your life right now, isn’t it? You just found out that you’ll be embarking on a 3-year journey that is 10,000 miles away from everything you’ve ever known. This isn’t just a typical military family move to a new city or state where the most difficult part of that transition is learning your way around town and making new friends. No, you’re about to be immersed in a new culture, country, continent, language, religion and way of life. I get it – you have no clue what to expect once you get to Indonesia. Never in a million years did you think you’d have to leave behind family, friends, your two dogs and your comfortable little bubble in the United States that you’ve grown to love and appreciate over the last two plus decades. For several months leading up to the move, you’re going to shed some serious tears and be in denial. You’ll continuously ask yourself, “Is this really happening to me?” “Why do I have to leave everything I’ve ever known?” “How do I start a new life in a place that I know nothing about?” “Am I strong enough to get through this?” Let me just tell you right now that the answer is, YES! If only I could emphasize that this is a, “scream it from the rooftops” YES and not just a half-assed yes filled with uncertainty. You are going to survive and thrive! So, it’s time to put all of the worry, fear, doubt, sadness and stress to bed because this scary transition in your life is about to be one of the most amazing experiences of your life! Although you might not see it yet, you’ll prove to yourself just how brave and resilient you are. The scared girl that you were, who wouldn’t ride alone in a taxi cab for fear of not knowing where anything is located, who wasn’t able to communicate to locals in their native language and who had trepidation to just venture out in general, will learn how to present herself with an air of confidence. You’ll know exactly where you’re going when you hop in to a taxi and you’ll gain mad respect by speaking to taxi drivers in their native language. You’ll learn that going through a vulnerable period and being open-minded to new things will be so rewarding! Yes, of course, it’s scary at first. No one likes being vulnerable and stepping into uncertain situations, but you know what? People don’t grow and evolve by doing what they’ve always done. They step outside of their comfort zone because that is where success happens. That is where you grow into the person that you were always meant to be. So, don’t limit yourself and think that you can’t do this because you definitely will show yourself that you can! The scared, worry-wart, stress-out-over-everything person that you were will be shocked to see that you’ve become stronger than you ever imagined possible. In the first 16 months of this journey, you will get to travel to ten new countries, explore 17 new cities, meet people from all walks of life, try crazy foods, embrace new religions and cultures and you’ll conquer one of your biggest fears: flying…alone. But no, this isn’t going to be just a quick trip. You’re going to face your fears and fly from Indonesia back home to your family in the United States (which is a 27-hour trek if all goes according to plan and there are no delays). During your return back to Indonesia, you’ll get stuck in a Texas airport for nine hours and then miss your connecting flight in Hong Kong. So, you’re stuck there, alone, at the check-in counter outside of the airport, no less, for another nine hours before you make it back to Indonesia after a whirlwind 41hour trip. But guess what? You’re about to see for yourself that you survived! You will have conquered your biggest fear and all of the other obstacles along the way! The old you, the “play it safe” you, would never even fathom an international flight alone, but after that 41-hour ordeal you will prove to yourself that you are one tough chick. It’s amazing what moving to a new country will do to a person. Everything in your life will be looked at from a new perspective. You will expand your comfort zone immensely. You will learn that by living

This Is...

overseas, you can get through any crazy obstacle thrown your way. You will show bravery, confidence and strength that you didn’t even know you had in you and you will realize that everything you worried about for months leading up to this “new life” was a waste! So, don’t waste another second worrying and thinking about the “what-ifs.” Put your big girl panties on and accept the cards you’ve been dealt. Deep down, you know everything will work out, as it always does. So, believe in the process and most importantly – believe in yourself! Although this three-year experience is not always going to be easy, it is going to teach you so much and be so worth it. Conquering fears and thriving in situations that we once thought were an impossible feat, are worth celebrating. So, pat yourself on the back and realize that although you never in your wildest dreams thought you would be where you are now, by allowing yourself to be vulnerable and open to new things, you will prove to yourself just how badass you actually are. Everyone has those big and scary situations in their lives that they face - moving to a new place, leaving a comfortable job to follow your dreams, ending a relationship, buying your first house, etc. - but hopefully other women will realize that if little chicken shit you can come out on top of this life changing experience, then they can successfully get through every difficult situation that they ever face, too!

Sincerely, Older, More Badass, You

Photo By: Savanna Marlee Photography

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The Offline Movement By: Tatum Garino

n an age when it seems that no one is having conversations anymore, Michelle Preston is inviting the conversation. I sat down with Michelle Preston, the creator of The Offline Movement, to discuss her story of finding what she loves in life – the work she loves, the side hustles she loves, the person she loves. We dove into her life that led her to the many things she does today and the many roles she fills as a mom, entrepreneur, side hustler, badass and creator of The Offline Movement. Inspired by Pokèmon Go, The Offline Movement aims to “Invite the Conversation” by providing a wristband that signals to people you’re single and ready to mingle. It also aims to be a social movement that gets people offline and into the real world, having real discussions and communication. What started with a black bracelet to signify one’s “singleness” has now grown into two bracelets, black and white, with the white signifying you’re in a relationship but in support of the movement, with plans to create even more bracelets signifying other characteristics. Michelle Preston: I’ve gotten a lot of feedback from people who email me saying, “Oh when are you going to come out with the… you know I have an alternative lifestyle – I’m in a polyamorous relationship will you have a color for that?” “Will you have a color for lesbians and LGBTQ?” I actually had a girl ask me, “Well I have an STD and I want it to be known up front.” And I think

that’s a little too specific. You know, I don’t want to have ten different SKUs, I don’t want to manage that much inventory. Tatum Garino: I mean, that’s not the point, right? It’s not meant to replace the conversation it’s supposed to start the conversation not to avoid it, right? MP: Right. So you go to the grocery store, you go to dinner, you go to your kid’s soccer game – you’re just living your life and you’re wearing this thing and hopefully one day you’ll find someone wearing that same thing and you’ll connect. But secondary to that, is this social change aspect of it. Which is more or less we as a society are becoming destroyed as humans by social media and just being connected to a device all the time. When you go out to dinner and you see a family of four sitting there – the kids are on their thing, the parents are on their thing, and no one’s communicating. It’s a real problem. I like to look around when I’m out and just see and if they’re not on it a lot they’re on it at some point. TG: Yeah, I’ve done it! MP: Yeah, we do it. So the idea for the social movement is just to knock that back. So people say to me all the time, “How can you advertise an offline movement online?” And I always explain that it’s not boycotting being online it’s just scaling back. And I was talking to a girlfriend about this the other day how when I was growing up Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera – I was in high school and college when they were really popular so those were the women that we kind of looked at like, “Oh,

she’s really pretty. I like her. I want to be like her.” And then today we have like Kylie Jenner whose face is entirely plastic, who was born with a silver spoon in her mouth, who has multi-billion dollar contracts and companies that she works with and endorsements. So I think about young girls having Kylie Jenner as a role model and I think, “How must they feel?” And I think about these young girls looking at Kylie Jenner and thinking, “Well if only I had $100,000 for plastic surgery.” And “If only I had a mom who was loaded and sisters who…” you know what I mean – they don’t add up, they don’t feel like they add up and it’s not fair and it’s not real. She is an exception – that family is an exception. And it’s just not the rule and I feel bad that girls are looking at that. But I think that the way that we are online so much, you see this a lot – I see this a lot in people that I follow – they’ll post a picture of themselves posed and they look all nice and then unposed and they have a little roll or something hanging out and that’s just the power of social media – it disguises reality. TG: But I think what’s funny that I’ve started realizing for myself, too, is even that where it’s like that’s a step in the right direction of thank you for showing me that but what’s the first one? What’s the first photo they choose to show? You have to swipe to get to the “bad” one – they don’t want their feed showing the imperfections up front, you know? So even then it’s like it’s a step in the right direction, I’m not going to take away from that, but…

This Is... Photo By: Savanna Marlee Photography

ed.” But at least he’s single, right? TG: Right, and that happens now anyways so it’s not anything new. MP: Exactly.

MP: We have a long way to go. The thing about social media is it’s a very powerful tool – it sells millions of billions of dollars worth of things and ideas and people – the influencers, the products that are out there, a little bit of buzz can blow something up and that’s what I’m hoping for with this. We have to start it on social media because it’s the only way to get to people. People who give me crap about it are like, “What are you doing online?” and I’m like, “What else am I going to do?” Publish it in a newspaper? Who read the newspaper anymore? TG: This magazine is digital for a reason. MP: Right! Exactly. So, with all that being said, I think having these two colors right now are inclusive of the majority of people. We either have people who are single and want to date and then we have people who are in a relationship or just not interested in dating so I think those two categories categorize 90%. So then in terms of adding additional colors, I would like to do one for same sex preference. I don’t want to get into the LGBTQ colors so same sex prefer-

ence and then maybe one for an alternative lifestyle – be that transgender or polyamory or whatever. TG: Have you thought about what those colors may be? Like would the same sex one be a rainbow bracelet? MP: I have a little bit and I was thinking a solid color just because rainbow is so loud and not every gay person or lesbian person wants to flaunt that. It would be very obvious so I was thinking either teal or yellow, something that’s brighter and will draw the attention but won’t be flamboyant. TG: Well and what I think is nice is until that new color is created anyone can still wear the black bracelet because if they’re looking for a relationship the black bracelet is for that, it’s just not a signifier yet of what type of relationship to make sure you’re attracting the right type of people to you. MP: Oh absolutely. Even gay people can wear the black one – it puts the message out there so if a girl comes and approaches a gay guy you might have to say, “Actually, I’m not really interest-

TG: We kind of jumped right into it but I want to hear about how this all got started, the inspiration behind it, and your story. MP: Where do I want to start? So I grew up in Bothell. Born and raised in Washington, I’m actually like fourth or fifth generation Washington – we’re legit. My mom, my grandpa, and I all went to the same high school. I have my parents who have been married for 41 years. TG: That’s rare. MP: Yeah, it is rare. I have two brothers – I have a twin brother and I have a little brother who is five years younger than us. And growing up I had the best life. I was very lucky. My family is amazing, my parents have a great marriage – I never saw them fight. They’re just really good to each other. And my mom worked for a big aerospace company and my dad was self-employed and owned his own business for 37 years. Anyway, growing up we did all the normal things – the sports and whatever. And my twin and I – I don’t think people think about this, but twins are often pinned against each other in ways that no one means to do it but you do everything at the same time so it’s always a comparison. TG: Like who walked first as a baby and who got a 4.0? MP: Right. Or I get a lot of crap because we were seven weeks early but I was thriving at five pounds, I was in really good health and my brother almost

This Is... died. He was four and a half pounds but his lungs were underdeveloped so he had problems breathing and to this day he has asthma and allergies and ear infections. So I get that crap all the time, like my mom is like, “Well you stole all the food in the womb.” [Laughs] So anyways, my life has always been kind of a comparison. So when we grew up and went to college, we both went to University of Washington and at the time I was just kind of like, “Oh I don’t really know what I want to do so I’m just going to follow [my twin] and I’ll go to UW and I’ll figure it out.” So I went to UW, decided to get a business degree because I knew I could get a job. So I never really had a passion when I was young. And I think it’s cruel that we send children to school, to college at such a young age and make them commit to a major. [Laughs] Because they haven’t lived life yet, they don’t know what makes them excited. So I got my business degree. The things that I loved were design, like decorating and interior design, but the message that was sent to me growing up was that those professions don’t make a lot of money. So I never really pursued any of that because I didn’t think I could make it. So I got my business degree and started working for the same aerospace company as my mom. And I worked for them and within a year I was dying inside because I’m not a sitting-at-a-desk, 9 to 5 type. I like change, I thrive in change, I like my day to be different, I’m not repetitive in any way. I don’t like that. So that’s what was really hard for me there. So it was soul-sucking in a way because it’s very boring, you know you’re so far removed from ownership at that company, there’s so many layers of management that you’re just a number. I mean, there are 30,000 people at the location I worked at and you’re just no one and if you quit

there are 400 people waiting to take your job. So anyway, I loved the people there and I had some really great opportunities during my time there and I was there for ten years. And back in college I started doing makeup – I worked for MAC and I was part of their artistry team so I didn’t work for a store and sell I just did makeup, so I would do their events and stuff like that and I loved that, it was so fun. So when I quit that and got my job at the aerospace company I started to miss that. So during the first couple years at the aerospace company I was like, I need to go back and do something for me because this job is killing me. So my friend who is a wedding photographer asked me why I didn’t do makeup for weddings and I was like, “Okay.” So I started doing that. So I worked my first couple years at the aerospace company 6 to 7 days a week, working for the aerospace company Monday through Friday and doing what I loved on the weekends just to keep sane. Then I had my kids and it got harder and harder to get away on weekends so I slowly stopped doing weddings and I started doing more senior portraits and stuff like that. And somewhere in there I learned how to do hair. So I’ve kind of lived this life of like, I really like doing makeup and I told my husband at the time that I really wanted to do it full time, I wanted to do commercial work, I wanted to do photoshoots, because the wedding season here is so short for me to do that only. So I was like maybe I can get into commercial work and he was like, “Nope. You can’t. We have bills. We can’t afford for you to just leave your job.” TG: Supportive. MP: Yeah. So I just stuck through it, kept doing weddings, slowly transitioned to portraits after I had my kids, and eventually one day I was at the aerospace com-

pany and I was watching a webcast with company jargon about how we really grow our young people and we really want to foster their growth and bring them up in the company and at the time I was a level 4, which there’s a level 4 and a level 5 and then a first level line manager. My mom was a level 5 when she retired after 34 years. So I was a level 4 and had made it to level 4 in about 8 years from starting as a level 1. And I thought to myself, “Okay, I’m the youngest person in my group.” My group only had like four or five people in it but I had more experience than my first line manager. So I worked directly for my senior manager, so I didn’t even talk to my first line. So my senior would put me on special projects and stuff like that and I would go talk to him, he was a good friend of mine, and I adore him to this day even though I had issues. So after this webcast I was like, “Well no one’s growing me. I’m mentoring people that are twice my age and teaching them because I have vast experience but no one’s making me manager, no one’s moving me up. Why is that?” So I walked into his office and I looked him in the face and I said, “So why am I not one of these young people that you’re growing?” And he looked at me and he said, “Because you have a family.” TG: Excuse me? MP: Because I have a family. I had two small kids. TG: And that was a bad thing? MP: Right. And I was shocked when he said that because he has a family. So I just realized in that moment that I was never going to make it there. Nepotism is huge in a big company. It’s who you know, it’s who is going to let you ride their coattails, it’s who is going to bring you up. You need that connection. If you don’t have that connection you will a peon forever unless

This Is... you work really super hard and it’s hard to beat that. So it just became really clear that I wasn’t riding the right coattails. And my manager, my senior manager who I adore, loved having me work for him because I made him look good – I did good work. But he never wanted me to surpass him. He never wanted me to leave him. So it was then that I realized, “I need to get out of here. This is not where I belong.” So one day I decided to quit. I think I had talked to some girl whose husband was involved in real estate and she was like, “Oh you should go work for my husband’s brokerage.” And I was like, “I love design, I love houses, that would be perfect.” So I thought I’d give it a go. So when I left the aerospace company I went to go work for this brokerage of criminals basically – it was awful. I made really good money at my last job and when I left I went to commission only. And my husband was all about the money and I had always made more than he did. So when his cash cow quit, I went to work at a commissionbased job in an industry that was brand new to me and I’m not salesy so it was hard. It was hard on the marriage – our savings just dwindled. And my first year I sold eight houses, which is really good except depending on how your commissions structure works at your brokerage they were taking 40% of my commission checks until I paid them $25,000. Because you pay $25,000 a year to work there. And then once you meet that $25,000 you keep 90% of your commission. So I think I barely made my split and I think I made like $40,000 that first year. A fraction of what I made before. And we had moved into this expensive home and I had my two children and my husband, ex-husband now, still works at the aerospace company and just wasn’t enough and it put a strain on the marriage.

At that point I started to realize, “You know, I don’t know if this is right for me.” And I have this hang up about being flighty – the reason I told the story about my twin and growing up in my family is because my family is super conservative so my twin is a CPA, he’s been a CPA since we’ve been out of college so he’s always done the same kind of thing. TG: So the opposite of you. MP: Total opposite of me. But my family is all like that – so I am like the black sheep. No one is like me. So for me to be compared to him, I look like a flake. “Oh she worked, she had a great job, she had great benefits, she got paid really well, and now she quit to get into real estate and now she doesn’t want to do real estate.” You know what I mean? People like my parents don’t understand it’s not flakiness. Some of us just take a longer time to find our way and find what fits. So I was afraid to let go of real estate even though I wasn’t vibing with these people – they were criminals, the brokerage, like I said, with sexual harassment, things that just should not happen, very unprofessional. So I ended up leaving that brokerage and getting on with another brokerage that was fantastic but I also realized it just wasn’t for me. I like to help people, I don’t want to just sell them houses for money. So I remember laying in bed with my hus-

band one night and he was talking about the money and he was basically like, “If you don’t start making money in three months you need to go back to your last job.” And I was like, “I fucking hate that place, I don’t want to go back.” I refused to go back. That was the level of support I had. And in the same breath, he suggested I should consider making money in other ways that really showed me what he thought of my self-worth. So it became clear that I needed to find something to do. I considered finding a part time job somewhere, even in retail. Then I think it was literally the next day my godmother was remodeling her house and I decided to go over and see her project and I knew the guy who was remodeling because he had done my kitchen and I had just generaled myself as a home-owner. And I went to the house and I was like, “So what are you doing down here?” And they had basically built an apartment in a basement that was not permitted and they had to take it apart and redo it to bring it up to code. So I had him show me around and I said, “Hey you know, I’m looking for extra money if you need

This Is... help, I’ll help you.” And he was like, “Are you serious?” And I was like, “Yeah, I would love to help.” And he was like, “Come tomorrow, I pay $25 an hour.” So I started working for him and I was basically doing manual labor. So I was digging out dirt in a crawl space and I was measuring and cutting and framing and scraping glue off of floors – just anything he needed I was doing. And I think I only ended up working for him for maybe two months, it wasn’t very long, but what I learned in working for him was that it was really gratifying to see the change from morning until night. Because the projects I had managed at the aerospace company took years to see results so to see the change from day to day was incredible – so gratifying and satisfying for me as a project manager. So I ended up telling him - because he didn’t know how to work his Quickbooks, he didn’t have any social media, I don’t know how he got any work, I think just through word of mouth but he had no website, no portfolio of his work, nothing like that – so I said, “You know what? I’m good at that, I’m good at running a business, I can help you run the business and you can do work.” Because that’s where most general contractors fall short is they know how to do the work they don’t know how to manage the company. And he was like, “Oh yeah that would be great, learn my Quickbooks and teach me.” So I did. Well, his wife did not like me working with him. So he cut me loose and that was it and I haven’t spoken to him since and that was in 2015. At the time I was devastated because I finally felt like I had found the thing. You know, real estate wasn’t resonating and construction comes in and it’s so exciting. And I started to poke holes in the problem with construction. So any person you talk to will have a horror story from either personal experience

or know a person who had one about construction jobs. The guys never showed, they took their money and ran, they were six months behind schedule – whatever it may be. So I started looking at those elements and I was like, “Why are these guys failing?” And the over-arching theme is lack of communication. So I started looking at that and I’m like, “What are they not communicating?” They’re not communicating their schedule, they’re not communicating their budget, they’re not communicating when things change and pricing gets out of hand or whatever, but guess what? I’m really good at those things because I just spent ten years doing those things at a multi-billion dollar company. So I started to draw the parallel between project management and how that applies to basically anything in the world and it applies directly to construction. So one day I had this epiphone. I was so devastated by getting cut loose and one day I was like, “Fuck it. I’m going to do it myself. It doesn’t take anything to become a general contractor, I can go apply to get my license.” So that’s what I did. So I started my own business doing remodels and I didn’t know shit about construction but I knew how to manage the elements of a project. TG: You had the other half. MP: Right, so I don’t do a lot of work myself, I sub all of it out. But I know through experience now the order of operations, I know what it’s like to have milestones – like I know how things progress. So when I work with my clients I have a very different take on what I share with them than most contractors. So I have an app that I use right now with charts so if someone wants to know what’s happening two weeks from Tuesday they can look at the chart live. I have a schedule published and

every week I do a status report which shows what we’ve accomplished this week, what we’re planning to do next week, an action item for the client – like I need you to pick out your light fixtures. I would get the same questions every week so I give them all the information – I’m very transparent with my clients. What they pay me is a line item on their invoice, it’s a percentage of what they spent, so I don’t markup my subs – I don’t markup electrical 10% and cabinets 50%, whatever I pay is what I charge them and then at the end I add the fee for myself so it’s very transparent even down to the way that I bill. So I’ve been doing contracting now for three years and I’ve always had work and I don’t advertise, it’s just word of mouth referrals. TG: So is this where the “Carhartts” in your blog, “Carhartts & Heels” came form? MP: Yeah, so Carhartts & Heels came about because I was experiencing really interesting things working in construction. It still happens today where if a guy shows up that I’ve never worked with before he’ll ask, “So are you the designer?” I’m like, “No.” “Are you the homeowner?” “No.” And I say, “I’m the general.” And they’re like, “No shit!” I give everyone a first chance and no one a second so if you work for me it’s because you’ve been working for me and haven’t screwed me over. The second you screw me over you’re done but I’ve actually been really lucky because early on in the game I found good guys to work for me who do a good job. So that’s basically my general contracting story so now my blogging story. I’ve always been a writer. I’ve always been good at writing. The first story I shared was my Britney Spears story where I decided to conduct a little social experiment. So a couple years ago it was Halloween and I dressed up as Britney

This Is... Spears. TG: Which Britney though? MP: The 2001 VMAs performance with the snake. So I decided to be her for Halloween and I ended up posting a picture and I was so proud of it because I made my costume and I posted it on my business page, which allowed me to see the views. And I had over 100 views and like 12 likes or something like that. And I was like, “I made this people, I’m really proud of this. It looks good.” And I had gone to this party and it was a hit so on social media I was like, “Why are people not liking this?” So then, that was the weekend before Halloween, so then on real Halloween my boys wanted me to be a princess so I put on my old wedding dress and I wore a tiara and I took a picture with them and I posted that one and got over 100 likes. So either this was some crazy algorithm problem or there was a disparity here and I was like, “Why do people like the princess and not the pop-star?” So I wrote this article called “The Princess and the Pop-Star.” And basically what I concluded was that people see me as they know me. So most of the people on my page know me as a mother and they know how old I am, which at the time I was like 35, they like me as a princess because that suits their perception of who I am. But they don’t like me as the pop star because I’m a mother of two, I’m 35-years-old, I “shouldn’t be dressing like this.” TG: That’s super interesting. MP: Yeah so the whole gist of the article is that I can be whatever

I want to be, I don’t have to be this princess that you think I am, I can also be a pop star. I can also wear a bra and booty shorts and be 35 and own it. There’s no one telling me that I have to be a certain way because I’m a mom. And I felt like at the time – so we separated in December of 2015 and this was almost a year later and I had felt extreme guilt for breaking up my family, that’s just something I think moms face and I think mom face it to a different level than dads most of the time, but also I was having this kind of identity crisis about, “Who am I really?” and “What do I really want in life?” because that old life did not serve me. That old life wasn’t me. I mean, my husband was spoiled rotten – I did everything, his jobs were cut the grass and take the garbage out. That was it. And he was good with the kids but he wasn’t up in the middle of the night or anything like that, he would play with them when he got home from work kind of thing. So I started to write this article about why I don’t have to be what you want me to be, I can be what I want to be and it doesn’t matter what you think and I don’t care. Then at that point [after writing the article] I realized I needed a place to put it – I needed to start talking about this transition and sharing my stories and my life. So many things were happening – living a life that wasn’t mine, realizing that, getting away from it with two small children – my boys were just turned four and turning two. So I was a single mom with two small boys, by myself, I got my own house and started all over and got this new company going – I did it all at once. So I thought, “This is valuable to someone. Someone’s going to want to hear about this and it might help, it might help inspire people.” So anyways, that’s why I started Carhartts & Heels. So Britney Spears was my first post and then I started talking about

what it’s like to be me in construction and the things that I hear, the things people say, the things people think and then I started to talk about dating as time went on and now it’s a lot about dating. TG: So once you started entering the dating scene, is that when The Offline Movement came to your mind as an idea? MP: Yeah. So The Offline Movement was my idea in the winter of 2017. It was like October or November and I was out on a date from Bumble maybe? And I was in West Seattle and I went to meet this guy who was really handsome and he was a doctor and I was asking him about his online dating experience and I was like, “So, how long have you been doing this? What do you think? How’s it working out?” And he was basically like, “Well I’ve been doing it for like three years on and off and I only ask out like 10% of my dates for a second date.” And I was like, “10%? That’s low.” And I did not get asked out for a second date. Which is fine because I didn’t like him – he was pompous [laughs] – he also wanted more children and I don’t. So I kept asking him these things and I asked, “Why only 10%? What’s going on?” And he said, “They’re not who they say they are. Yeah, you know – they put their best pictures up, they don’t look like that when they show up. They say something in their profile that isn’t true like they want kids but they really don’t or whatever. It’s just hard to find people who are honest, people who look like how they present themselves.” So I started thinking about it – we were in a Starbucks – and I was like, “Wouldn’t it be cool if you knew who was single in here? And wouldn’t it be cool if they like had a bubble above their head, like an emoji or something?” So I started thinking of Pokemon Go, that’s what made me think

This Is... of it. Because you don’t always want to meet the love of your life in a bar because people in bars tend to have problems.

and she created the logo and I said, “I want it black and white. I want it bold.” So that’s how it was born – from an online date.

TG: Well and I feel like when you think about the “olden days” you hear a lot about people’s parents meeting in grocery stores and it seems like those run ins don’t happen anymore. MP: Right. So I left that date with this idea. I was like, “How can we know who’s single?” And then eventually it became a wristband and originally my intent was to only market it to men to empower women to make the first move because I read a statistic s o m e w h e re that 92% of men will not approach a woman. And it was kind of back when the #MeToo movement started and I was like I’m going to empower these women to take their pick, these guys will wear this bracelet and these women will be able to pick and choose and be like, “Oh I know that guy is single, I’m going for it.” But then I started to think that I should just open it up because I didn’t want it to be too restrictive and too specific and I thought it would help men to feel more confident if they knew a woman was single before he approached her so I thought it would help on both sides. So I called my friend Lilia, who is an incredible graphic designer,

TG: I mean, he served a purpose in your life at the very least. MP: Right. And I think everyone does. TG: Absolutely. Kind of on that train of thought of everyone serving a purpose in your life, tell me how you met your husband originally – was it online

skinny, and just the nicest guy. And I didn’t like his family. So I realized one day when we had been dating for like a year or so that I couldn’t marry his family. They had done some shady shit and I couldn’t accept it so we broke up. When I started dating my ex-husband, I knew his family and he had an edge to him – he was kind of a dick. Not to me necessarily, he was never that mean to me but he was opinionated and stubborn and the guy I had dated previously was the type where I’d ask, “What do you want to do?” and he’d be like, “Well what do you want to do?” whereas my ex-husband would be like, “Let’s do this.” So he was very take-charge but also very selfish and self-interested, which I didn’t realize right away. Anyway, the contrast between my ex at the time and my exhusband was good and I knew and loved his family, his parents were amazing so I thought it’d be great and we were married for nine years. It was not like it was a couple year thing and then it was done, we were married for nine years.

I don’t have to be what you want me to be, I can be what I want to be and it doesn’t matter what you think and I don’t care.

dating? MP: I’ve known him since junior high school. TG: Oh! Okay. MP: So we went to junior high and high school together and we were friends, kind of. We ran in different crowds and we didn’t start dating until we were seniors in college but I knew him and I knew his family. And I had been dating a guy who my twin loved, who doesn’t like anybody. This guy was six foot six, tall and

TG: So then once it ended, what made you get on online dating apps and everything – what was that process like? MP: My best friend Hannah forced me to do it. She may or may not admit to that. I remem-

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ber the day. I had been dating a guy and he disappeared – like ghosted. And it ended and I was so sad and Hannah had just broken up with her fiancé of eight years and so she was like, “Come on, let’s get on Tinder, it’ll be so fun.” So we got our solo cups of wine and we walked to this park in Queen Anne and here we were in the sun just swiping. And it was so fun. That was in the summer of 2016 an it was new to both of us and it was fun – it was like a game, it was not serious – especially because it was Tinder so it’s not known for being where you want to meet the love of your life. So we started swiping and these matches were coming in instantly, tons of them. We were going on two or three dates a day, not every day but meeting all these types of people. I ended up meeting a guy that I dated for a couple months and that’s how it started for me. But I will tell you, from 2016 just to today, it’s completely different. I got back on Tinder early 2018, about a year ago, and I was like matching but getting no messages and no dates. That’s when I concluded it’s just a game, it’s something to do, it’s validation. No one’s there to actually meet. I also got on Bumble for two weeks and matched with like 50 guys and I think I messaged with like 30 of them and not one date. I haven’t been on a dating app for months now but I’ve tried probably five or six dating apps and I’ve been on maybe half a dozen dates in three years from them. So it’s disappointing because you see a guy and he seems cool and you talk for a little bit like this guy that I met recently on Meet Mindful and I really enjoyed him but he disappeared. It’s so weird. TG: So now your main source of dating is going to be with The Offline Movement – that’s your goal to eventually meet someone that way? MP: Yeah. TG: So what’s your dream for this to become an actual movement? Apart from the literal moving offline. MP: Well with anything that takes change it needs

a lot of power behind it and with exposure comes power. So my goal right now is to try to get press releases out there because this will not work if it’s not big. It needs to be viral. I think I’ve sold about 120 bands in the past two weeks all over the country. So let’s say we have 120 people wearing bands around Seattle, that’s not enough. But instead we have 120 people wearing bands all over the country. So it really has to explode. But the hardest part of it all is it could change everything but it’s getting the exposure for it to blow up. TG: So the bracelet serving as the “bubble over your head” is the goal. So then with that, what advice do you have for anybody, male or female, anyone, who is currently stuck in that online dating rut, they’re looking for something else? What do you have to say to them about what The Offline Movement can be but also in life because you’ve been there? MP: For people who are still online I would just urge them to evaluate how it’s working for them. So there are Instagram accounts and blogs and podcasts and websites dedicated to talking about how shitty dating is today – online especially. So clearly there is a problem that needs to be fixed. And if you look across all those different avenues they’re all the same complaints – I was ghosted, he never asked me out, she never showed up, she lied to me, she doesn’t look like here picture – all the complaints are the same from both sides. But I think we have a fundamental problem and I think that lies in the lack of communication skills our society has now. So this whole second aspect of the social movement of getting offline, that’s key. So not only can you wear a wristband, if you can’t go up and say, “Hello” it’s not going to work. If you can’t go up to someone and say, “I see you’re wearing a band, what is that?” or “Oh yeah, you’re single. Me too.’ If you can’t strike that conversation – our tagline is “Invite the conversation.” This wristband is an invitation. I will talk to anybody, I don’t care, but that’s me, not everybody is extroverted. So my advice is to assess how it’s working

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Photo By: Savanna Marlee Photography

for you and if you start to see any of these problems or you start to recognize and do some self-reflection that all you need it a little validation kick, I would look at that, too, because that’s not healthy. It’s a call to do real work for yourself, too. You need to start looking inward and find out why things are happening the way they’re happening.

TG: Well I think you’re right because I’m not even in the dating scene but just from podcasts I listen to I could rattle off probably ten terms that have been made up based on repetitive behaviors from online dating that we don’t have terms for so we’re creating terms like ghosting, breadcrumbing, zombieing – it’s an epidemic. MP: Right. And it’s a fundamental societal problem that we don’t know how to communicate. We can text all day long. I’m old enough to have experienced life both ways. I’ve experienced traditional dating and online dating. I’m also old enough to have experienced the power of communication and what it takes to communicate effectively in school and in work and things like that. I don’t think millennials or most kids growing up right now are going to be able to do that. Because this whole idea of staying where you’re at and not interacting is taking over. People do not want to interact. It’s scary. This is bigger than what it seems. This has been a problem for me in crafting the message because I don’t have a 30-second elevator pitch because it’s too all-encompassing. Because on the surface, yeah, I’m single come talk to me – that’s what it is. But it is so much deeper than that. My long term plan for this is to maybe host events or public speaking engagements with people coming to talk about how to communicate and teach people icebreakers or ways to approach someone that’s not creepy, things you should and shouldn’t say etiquette – I mean I want to teach people, I want this to be huge.

www.runmyrenovation.com www.carharttsandheels.com www.theofflinemovement.com www.facebook.com/groups/moveoffline @moveoffline @carharttsandheels

celebrating love after loss

This Is... By: Laura Critzer

hen you hear the word breakup, most people’s minds go right to an ending. The ending of love shared between two people. A relationship that ceases to exist the way it once did. For a while, it may seem that you are stuck reliving the ending. What went wrong, blame, guilt, or denial. Endings certainly create trauma that we must move past and some do it sooner than others. However, if we change our perspective, the ending of something is actually the beginning of something else. The great writer Dan Wilson of Semisonic’s “Closing Time” reminds me that “Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end” and that’s what THIS story is going to focus on. It was about a month and a half after my life came crashing down...remember me? I’m the failed engagement girl from a few issues back. I was sad, alone and trying to find my footing after the floor was pulled out from underneath me. But I knew I couldn’t stay in that place forever, so when a friend asked me if I wanted to go see Chris Stapleton with her, her friend and her friend’s brother, I half jokingly asked if the friend’s brother was cute - I can be a bit of a flirt. It was one of the most innocent questions I ever asked in my life, but the single most important one. It was my new beginning. Our first date was a week later. I cried my eyes out that morning and called my mom and told her I needed to cancel. Why? Because, what was I trying to do by starting to date already? I wasn’t ready. I was damaged goods. What if I started crying at dinner? What if he asked about previous relationships and I had to say, “Well, my fiancé broke up

with me a month ago?” Any sane person would run away from my situation. Well, if I didn’t go, we wouldn’t have a story here, so my mom said to me, “You will always have a first date after a breakup, so why not go ahead and get it over with if you enjoy talking to him, there’s no expectations?” So I went, and on my way to the restaurant I prayed. I prayed that God would show me what was meant to be and what wasn’t. Guys, I’m not lying when I say, I INSTANTLY felt peace, like I was exactly where I was supposed to be that day. Fast forward nine months, and I’m moving in with him and his pitbull Ellie. We bring home our first “relationship” dog Murph, we go to Disney to Celebrate my 30th birthday, and then we decide to buy a house. Now, a house is a giant expense. Not something you would expect to do if you were thinking about proposing. So I knew that I would have to wait for him to ask me to marry him for at least 6 months or so. I had come to terms with that. I had the commitment I needed to help me past the ever-lurking trauma of having my heart torn out again. So I threw myself into planning how to make our house a home. Interior design is SO much fun, but also a major headache at the same time. Staying on budget, trying to match things, figuring out how to completely change the feel of a house. “This color is similar, but a little bit too off and...it actually really clashes now that I’m looking at it.” I was so focused on furnishing my new adult house that I never picked up on the fact that behind the scenes, T was buying a ring and planning a proposal that was so special to me. So it’s the day of our closing and he’s nervous, quiet and acting weird. But I’m just thinking

that he’s nervous at this giant purchase that we are about to make. We sign the papers and our realtor (who happens to be the same friend that introduced us) drives back to the new house with us to take our first picture out front, because if you don’t post about it on Instagram, did it really happen? So she gives the “1,2,3 CHEESE!” and T is down on one knee. I was so surprised that I thought he was joking. You see, T can NEVER take a photo without making a weird face or dancing around or just hamming it up. So, as normal, I thought this was another antic. But alas, no, he WAS proposing. So within 30 minutes, I got a new house AND a fiance. Today, we are still personalizing our new home: new fixtures, paint and furniture. On top of that, we are planning our June 2019 wedding. Yes, just mere months from now. I would be lying if I told you I’m not stressed out all the time. However, I’m with the person my soul connects with. The one who gets me, the one who knows just what I need when I’m spiraling and the one who never leaves. Today I’m celebrating the new beginnings that come from terrible, traumatic, nightmare-inducing endings. And to quote my favorite philosopher Taylor Swift, “Without your past, you could never have arrived so wondrously and brutally by design or some violent, exquisite h a p p e n s t a n ce . . . here” So for those in the midst of trials and tribulations, here is definitive proof, that endings are actually the beginning of something beautiful, whether you know it or not. It’s just a switch of perspective.

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The Most Beautiful of Silver Linings 28

This Is... By: JL Rosa

id you ever notice how Hollywood has a way of glorifying friendships? Not a novelty for Hollywood, they tend to do that with everything. They draw this perfect image of friends, the kind that you’ve had your whole life, true “ride or dies”. Ya know, the ones that are there for you through thick and thin, who know what you need before you even do. Do you have those friends? Because I’m going to be real with you: for the longest time I didn’t and I thought there was something wrong with me. I have actually sat down and looked back over each of my failed friendships and wondered, what did I do wrong and how can I change next time? So here’s a random story for you. When I was a teenager (circa 2006) I accompanied a friend to visit this guy she was dating at a rehab center. As visitors, we were invited to sit in on a group session and I can’t remember every detail of that day but in the element of the pure fear I was feeling at that time, I do remember a story shared by one of the addicts. Now, I can’t remember what came before this, nor can I retell it to you word for word, but here’s a synopsis: in life, we take people, we put them on a pedestal, and we expect them to act a certain way. When they don’t live up to our expectations, we’re hurt. How could this person do this to us when we, ourselves, are the one who put those expectations on that person? We expected something of them, so in a way, we have hurt ourselves. And 13 years later, this lesson crosses

my mind almost every day. I have lost a significant number of friends. Some through falling outs, others through distance and growing apart. So many that a hater once referred to this list as my “graveyard of friendships.” Clearly passing the fault off to me with their statement and I believed it, for some lost friendships I still do. Each and every one of these big friendships I valued and tried to force them to be my “Hollywood” friends. I put those people on my metaphorical pedestal. But over time I’d continuously find myself being hurt. Very simple things like I’d see something on Facebook and think “Why wasn’t I invited to this?” or “Why didn’t I cross their minds for that?” With some I eventually got to a point where I felt like I was faking our relationship, pretending to be closer friends than we actually were. I began to believe that this relationship meant more to me than it did to them. So, one day I made the conscious decision to take a step back. I was taking them off my pedestal. I cut back on being the one to initiate conversations or hang outs with a few, eventually cut some off my “family only” invite list. And others I cut out cold turkey (obviously those were extreme cases). Some, I didn’t even realize I was cutting out until days, weeks, and months had gone by without talking to them. Here’s the crazy thing, once I took them off my pedestal and saw our relationship for what it truly was and nothing more, I no longer felt anger or pain. The even crazier thing is that so very few have felt like a huge lose in my life causing me to ache for them. Don’t

get me wrong, to this day I still value many of those friendships as they were a huge part of my life. I can still smile at our happy memories and occasionally I keep in touch. I have no regrets. And full transparency, I’m not perfect, I’ll admit some friends cut me out of their lives, too. Maybe they woke up one day and decided I wasn’t fulfilling their friendship needs and took me off the pedestal or maybe they didn’t think that much about it and realized one day we were no long friends. Who knows!? A few years ago, I started a new job, which always results in that first day of school, “Who will I eat lunch with?” feeling. I truly believe your job is only as good as the people you are surrounded with and it’s probably one of the loneliest feelings to not have the comfort of a friend during a time of change like that. With the transition of this job I vowed to myself it’d be in my best interest to keep it professional at all times and not get personal with anyone - a fresh start. The days grew lonely when I for real had no one to take lunch breaks with. I sat isolated in a cubical outside the offices of two older woman. One of which seemed quite pretentious. For example, my first full conversation with her was her requesting that I keep my noise to a minimum while I was on the phone as to not distract her. One day I walked up to the two of them having a conversation while on a coffee break, as they were the only ones I “knew” at the conference we were attending, and they immediately stopped talking. I instantly thought, “Okay these b*tches are talking about me.”

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But slowly, over time, we became acquaintances, short pleasantries in passing, “How’s your day?” Isn’t my daughter so cute?” And over more time we became friends, discussing plans and crazy happenings. And eventually, I don’t even know how it happened, in fact we literally sit there and try to pinpoint the day things changed, we became best friends. The kind of friends that you cry with in your saddest moments and celebrate your best accomplishments with. Who support you through good and bad choices unconditionally, no judgement. Women who have become my second mother and my “really cool” aunt and have now met my extended family, even shared in some of our milestones. We are completely the odd couple, two older women and a 30-year-old, who somehow understand and complete each other in a way we’ve each never felt in our lives before. A few years ago, when I was pondering life, one of my (I can now refer to as) best friends told me a story. I’ll give you a summary: Many many moons ago in a country where there was no religion, missionaries arrived trying to recruit followers. One night at a pub, a drunken man persistently repeated “There’s no such thing as a

power above.” He preached this all night, to the point where one of the missionaries finally asked “Okay, how is it that you’re so certain that there is no power above?” The drunken man replied, “You remember that horrible storm last year? Well my sleigh broke down and my dogs ran off. I prayed and I prayed to the powers above to save me, to send me help. And the powers above left me there to die.” The missionary asked, “Well if you’re here you obviously didn’t die.” The drunk man replied, “Yeah, I finally saw an eskimo and they helped me.” I think the synopsis of this story is a bit easier than the first I told you, but for me, I take it as, whomever I believe in sends us signs and things and people that we aren’t always looking for, yet, they are exactly what we need. Just like that, I found my Hollywood friends. To quote my other best friend, “Life is so much more beautiful because of you.” And for that, my beautiful, beautiful Eskimos, I thank you. They are my “I found love in a hopeless place” story, of friends I really wasn’t even looking for and never thought I’d find and now can’t remember how I ever lived without.

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[Opinionated]

Celebrating a Special needs Child

This Is... By: Mandy Reilly

e’ve all been guilty of judging parents that we see in public or on social media. Even from the moment you see that plus sign, you have ideas in your head of how you are going to parent. “My children will never behave like that in public.” “My child will never eat a chicken nugget.” “I will never give my child a tablet to occupy them.” Let me be the first to tell you that you can say whatever you want until you are blue in the face, but you will eventually give little Jack or Jill all of the nuggets they’ll never finish while they watch YouTube from your phone after a meltdown in a restaurant. Why? Just so that you can get a moment of peace and enjoy what’s left of your already cold, overpriced meal. And you know what? Parents who have been there will not judge you - hell, they may fist bump you in solidarity as they carry their overtired child out of the restaurant by their overall straps. Needless to say, parenting is hard. There should be no competition between parents, as we should all agree that all parenting is hard. Whether you have a partner or you’re taking it on solo, you are still in the trenches each and every day. Whether you breastfeed or use formula, you are still dealing with spit up and a crying, hungry baby who depends on you for nourishment. Whether you use cloth diapers or disposable, you are still changing toxic waste. Whether you are a working mother or you stay at home, you are still providing for your child(ren) and doing the best you can do. The best you can do is to love and take care of them regardless of how you parent and your circumstances. You see, from the moment that child is placed in your arms the very first time, you forget all of those things you once said. You’re even apologetic that you thought such things. You are now in survival mode. Whose survival, you may ask? The goal is everyone’s survival in parenthood. You must remember that a good soldier never leaves a man behind. In the world of parenting, I’m a believer that everyone should get a participation trophy for making it through alive and (relatively) unscathed. I feel like there’s an untapped market here where Oprah should book appearances at high school graduations and hand out these trophies like she handed out cars. And just when you think you’ve got this parenting thing down, you realize you’re on a lifelong never-ending roller coaster and you are about to hit another twist, turn or drop. I realized this when we got a phone call from a day-

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care saying that our child was being evicted from their care because he stomped on other children during nap time and was uncontrollable. And although I’d like to tell you this was the last phone call like that I received, I would be lying. After many visits to the doctor, sleepless nights and questioning our ability to parent, we received a diagnosis that made things clearer – PDD-NOS (pervasive developmental disorder not otherwise specified). And after therapies, daycare changes and an introduction to special education, that diagnosis evolved to what we have today: ADHD and anxiety. Honestly, with family history, we should have realized that our child wouldn’t be excluded from our mental health issues. I have depression and anxiety and my husband was diagnosed with ADD as an adult. No one, and I mean no one, wants their child to go through any sort of pain or trauma. We don’t want our children to be labeled and we don’t want our child to be judged by things that they cannot control. We were two years into our parenting journey before we were considered special needs parents, but there are parents who are special needs parents while their children are still in the womb. Special needs parenting is a world that we never expected to be part of - no one ever expects this gift. Go ahead, read that sentence again. I

said that special needs parenting is a gift. Special needs and mental health have a lot in common. They seem like a burden for everyone involved. But if you can peel back the layers of medication, therapy and other interventions, you are given gifts that are individual and special. When I was pregnant, my mother said that she wanted our boy to have my eyelashes and my husband’s baby blues. And while he did get those, he also got my gut-wrenching apprehension and my husband’s knack for forgetfulness. There is nothing quite like parenting a small version of yourself to help magnify your own flaws, which helps you realize that they aren’t really flaws at all. My husband’s ADD makes him one of the most passionate people I’ve ever met and my son and I are so damn lucky to be witness to that. My depression makes me attune to the feelings of others and helps me be someone that people know they can come to in times of good and bad, including my boys. And our kiddo? He gets the best of both of those worlds, with his own gifts added in. He is compassionate and friendly, magnetic and silly, cautious and daring all at the same time. He is exactly who he should be, and I am so grateful for the journey that has brought us our amazing child. We may not have it all together, but together…together, we have it all.

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[Adulting]

The friendship breakup that sucked but taught me an important lesson

This Is... By: Camila Agurto

e all experience heartache and heartbreak at some point in our lives. I remember when I was twenty-one and went through my worst breakup from my longest relationship at the time. I hadn’t been single for almost four years and didn’t really know how to be myself. I proceeded to do the typical breakup protocol like cut and dye my hair, go out all night to celebrate being single at clubs and talk to guys I did not care for. I spontaneously moved to an apartment with my friends who were also going through breakups. Sure, I did things to fill that void and some were extremely healthy for me mentally and physically and some were rather self-destructive and I learned from that because I am a flawed human. During this time, I had my group of girls to lean on and who’d lean on me. We were a team until a couple of us were no longer - and that type of breakup is the worst, the one you are never ready for, and that no one ever really talks about. Quite frankly- friendship breakups suck, but they don’t have to suck forever. What do you do after a friendship breakup? This person knows everything about you down to your worst fears and your biggest dreams. They have seen you at you worst and your best. You talk about growing old together and all the old people things you will do together and how your kids will grow up and be the best of friends and fantasize over all the girls trips

you will go on together around the world. You plan a future together, just as you do with your significant other and nothing or no one could keep you apart. You lived together, made chili together, had wine nights and watched Ryan Gosling movies and one of you would always end up crying. You have your inside jokes that you so proudly like to announce in groups that have no clue what you are talking about and you have your silly fights that you resolve instantly so you can go back to drinking wine together. You protect each other when going out from loud mouth, disrespectful douches and let the other know where you will be if you are meeting someone for a date. You look out for each other and take care of one another. You teach each other another form of love. My friendship breakup was the absolute worst breakup I ever had and it was the one that taught me the most. Let’s call her Savannah. Savannah was one of the funniest, nicest and goofiest girls I got to know. She was “the sister I never had” and we were there for each other when it mattered and when it didn’t. Then, when I moved to Seattle she ghosted me. At first, I was worried when I didn’t hear back from her and thought that something happened to her. But when I noticed she unfollowed and unfriended me on social media, my stomach tied in knots and I instantly felt nauseous and like I needed to go to the bathroom - “Is she breaking up with me?”. I gave it a day and then sent her a novel of a message letting her

know that maybe I was overthinking things but what was going on? She answered and made it sound like it was a mistake and that all was well and she was taking a break from social media. I chose to believe her and let her know I was there for her for whatever she needed, but then she posted on her social media. I reached out to her about that again and she finally was honest and said she felt we had outgrown each other and, in some words, not straight to the point, said we were no longer friends. That hurt like a mother-forker. I wished her well and let her know I wished we could talk about it but we never did. Now, I have my theories and ideas of what got us there after some processing and I don’t think it would be fair to her if I were to only tell my side. What I will share is, after much processing, I realized that no matter what we did for each other, how much love was expressed, or what the intensity of the secrets shared were, there was something we failed at- checking in on each other. By checking on each other, I do not mean the simple “How are you? Are you okay?” type. I am talking about the “How are you feeling about us? Are you happy in this relationship?” Most of us do this in our romantic relationships but what about the friendships with the sisters and brothers we never had (and our actual sisters and brothers, too). I truly believe if we were more open rather than pretend like we are fine and have to accept one another no matter what, maybe more friendships could

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be saved and experience new growths. It should be okay to be honest with each other and communicate what you are feeling - even if it contradicts something that was said or done before. The point is we are constantly changing, it is inevitable, and part of that is how we continue to grow while in these relationships with other people. We may fear that they will look at us differently or we may take it for granted and assume because we are friends, we will always be friends, we can’t break up. What I did not know until it happened was that along with growth sometimes comes loss. Perhaps checking in could have saved mine and Savannah’s friendship or maybe we still would have gone separate ways; either way, it would have been different. After that I began to really pay attention to those in my life and how I felt with those friendships. Are they supportive? Do we talk about even the most uncomfortable things in our lives and in the world? Are we giving each other room to grow and honoring that? Are we celebrating our achievements and the love that we have? Are we checking in, loving each other, calling each other out on our bull-snot, celebrating our milestones? Are we giving each other space when

asked and checking in if it is a good time to vent? We always hear that marriage and love are hard work. When do we realize that it also applies to all other relationships? When we finally experience the heartache is when we learn that lesson. Now I don’t think I’m perfect for coming to this conclusion or that I hold all the answers but I learned one of the most valuable lessons because of my friendship breakup. I learned that because Savannah and I broke up it does not mean there has to be hate and bad blood. I still think of her, wish her well, and keep her in my thoughts. I still celebrate our friendship even though it ended. I do that because she was a significant person in my life who I shared so much with. She is etched into the chapters of my early twenties and even if we never talk again, she is still a part of my story. After much thought about what went wrong and processing what happened over pizza and sad movies I decided I was done being sad. I had a glass of wine, toasted to us, wrote in my journal while listening to Drake and vowed to check in on those I still have in my life and those I have not met yet. I vowed to be honest and to strive to be my truest self and understand that changes sometimes and that the same goes for my friends so to let them know I care. I vowed to treat this breakup differently than the ones I am used to and

after mourning it, I chose to celebrate it. I was sad and hurt over it ending but happy it happened and would have done it all over again even if the outcome were the same. The moment I chose to celebrate it, I felt differently about it and looked at it differently as well. Just like romantic relationships, not all friendships may be forever, some are there for a short period and some may actually be life-long. The breakup sucked, and I learned a valuable lesson, one worth celebrating and that has made my relationships with everyone much stronger. So, to anyone reading this who can relate the tiniest bit, I urge you to do the same. Celebrate the breakups even if they suck. I am not saying just “be positive and happy” that it happened but that along with mourning it and processing it, be happy that it happened. Celebrate those around you, growing with you, and always working to understand you. There may be apologies owed and apologies that will never be heard or said from these breakups and that is okay. Not everything is in our control and we do not need an answer to everything. What you can control is how you choose to react to certain situations in life. So, I urge you to celebrate your growths from the breakups, your lessons from it, and who you are because of it.

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[How To]

Why Morning Routines are all the Rage & 5 Steps to Creating your Own and

Photo By Adobe Stock

New Moon Ritual: Manifestation & Intention Setting, no crystals or sage required

This Is... By: Ashley Wiesner

eing a morning person is suddenly the cool thing to be. Out are the days of staying up until 3 AM eating Taco Bell and in are the days of waking up at 5 AM and finding the solution to world peace. It’s not just serious business people bragging about morning routines anymore, social media influencers and AList celebrities have jumped on the bandwagon as well, so maybe it’s time you do, too. Your morning routine sets the tone for the rest of the day, so having a productive and stressfree morning basically means you’ll be less of a bitch come 5 o’clock. No, really, positive morning routines boost mental health and let’s face it, we all need a little more positivity in our lives. As great as a morning routine is, it’s hard to stick to and waking up at 5 AM, just to hop in a cold shower is not realistic for most people. But, there are simple adjustments everyone can make to create a morning routine custom to their lifestyle. •

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Wake up earlier and don’t hit the snooze button. No, you don’t need to wake up before the sun rises, but wake up a little earlier. Give yourself 10 extra minutes in the morning so you aren’t frantically running around looking for clean underwear. Skip the technology. Don’t check your work emails, don’t check your FB messenger, and definitely don’t check your Instagram. You have no business looking at a perfectly Photoshopped human being while you still

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have last night’s mascara on your face. Do something for yourself. Turn on your favorite song, actually sit down to enjoy your morning coffee, or write in a journal for a few minutes. It’s easier to deal with pain in the a** coworkers knowing you already did something for yourself that day. Move your body! No, you don’t have to go to Crossfit or do sunrise yoga, but at least stretch for a minute (if you’re really lazy stretch while still in bed). Actually get ready for the day. Sure, you hide in your cubicle all day and only see that one coworker who is on the same bathroom schedule as you, but get ready for yourself. Give yourself a little confidence boost for the day and ensure your Instagram work stories will be extra cute.

Take these steps and customize them to your lifestyle. No two people are the same and no two morning routines should be either. See what does, and doesn’t, work for you and adjust accordingly. No matter what happens at least you’ll be starting your day on a better, and less rushed, foot.

rystals are all the rage, being a witch is now a marketing tactic, and your favorite celebs are throwing around words like “manifestation” and “intentions.” Suddenly being woo woo is trendy and you’re left wondering “How the eff am I ex-

pected to drink green juice and perform magic?” Well lucky for you, manifestation isn’t about magic, it’s simply about leveling up. Why the New Moon The New Moon is an ideal time to set your intentions, and manifest the sh*t out of them because this part of the moon cycle represents new beginnings and growth: AKA the exact energy you want behind all your hopes and dreams. So pull up good ol’ Google and mark the next few New Moons down in your calendar (Pro tip: if your forget about the New Moon don’t stress, just do your ritual as soon as you remember, the energy is still there even if you’re a day or two late). Intention & Manifestation 101 So, you marked the next New Moon down in your calendar and you’re left wondering what an intention even is. Well, despite what you might think it’s really simple: to set an intention is to focus on something you want to cultivate or amplify in your life. Okay, and what about manifesting? To manifest an intention is to simply envision it and call it into your life. It’s easy. So easy, in fact, you probably do it all the time; like when you put on a white t-shirt and think “I’m going to spill on myself today” only to then spill iced coffee on yourself an hour later. It’s time to stop manifesting ruining your white t-shirt and start manifesting money, love, and your dreams. It’s the new moon, now what? Now it’s time to set those intentions and manifest. Find a quiet space where you are comfortable, grab some pen and paper, and take a deep breath. Take a

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moment to become centered and honest with yourself. Once you’re in a good headspace put the date on the top of the paper and write an affirmation—a simple one for manifesting is “I am open to positive changes in my life.” Now you’re ready to set those intentions. Take that pen and go to town; write down all your desires while taking the time to truly envision yourself living them. It’s that easy. When you’re done fold up the piece, or pieces, of paper and put it/them in a spot for safe keeping. Moving Forward Congratulations, you’re officially cool enough to be featured on a health and wellness Instagram page. This ritual is meant to be repeated on all New Moons. Keep using that power to touch on your desires, old and new, and bring them to light. As you grow into manifesting you may be called to bring more into your New Moon ritual and by all means do it! Light a candle, smudge the room, throw some crystals on your desk, do what feels right for you and put your dreams into action.

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[The World]

Photos By: Alba Turnbull Photography

celebration in germany

This Is... By: Crystal Rausch

y husband and I had the amazing opportunity to take a trip to Europe. He surprised me with the trip months before for my 27th birthday (also my Golden birthday) and prematurely combined it as our fifth wedding anniversary that would happen that same year. At the time, we just wanted to celebrate these two big milestones in our lives, but we never realized that this trip would become so much more than that. We have a two-year-old and we decided to make this a kid-free trip. I want to give you a super brief rundown of our itinerary, because it’s fun to share, but that isn’t the main point of why I decided to write this article. We flew into Munich, Germany the week before Christmas and made that our home base for most of the trip. We spoiled ourselves and stayed at the Hotel München Palace. We wasted the first day sleeping. We totally broke the cardinal rule of fighting jet lag, but man it felt good to sleep with no toddler to wake up for. From Munich, we explored the city for two days then did two day trips. The first day trip was to the Neuschwanstein Castle and the second day trip was to Dachau Concentration Camp. After that, we took the train to Salzburg, Austria where we spent two days and one night at the Sheraton Grand Salzburg. We obviously did the Sound of Music tour and spent the rest of the time exploring different places around the city. We headed back to Munich for one last night before we flew out the next day.

I could go on and on about all the incredible Christmas markets we went to, all the delicious food we ate and all the beautiful ornaments I was suckered into buying but this trip was so much more than just checking some pretty incredible things off our bucket list. The best part of this trip was uninterrupted, quality time with each other. We made the decision not to add phone service to our iPhones because we didn’t want to be tied to our phones like we normally are. With no phones, there was nobody to text and no calls to answer. If you’ve been married for any extended period of time, or even been in a long-term relationship, I think it’s safe to assume you don’t talk to your significant other like you did when you first started dating. I remember in our first few months of dating, we would talk on the phone for literal HOURS! We have never had the time to get that deep in conversation, but it was different in Europe. We talked all day and all night. My love tank was FULL! And the best part… my husband enjoyed talking just as much as I did! I feel like this trip was the most reconnecting moment we’ve had, allowing us to look back on our life and what we were thankful for and dream of our future.

into our lives. It felt selfish to do something like a trip in the midst of the hard stuff. I wanted to wallow in self-pity, waiting for the new year to come so I could pretend like 2018 never happened. We still did the trip despite our hesitations and after day one, we knew we made the right choice. We celebrated our milestones, but we used it as a time to reflect on 2018 and be grateful that we had the finances to do the trip, the support and love from family to watch our little girl and love between the two of us to enjoy the quality time together. It helped us heal from the loss we experienced. It helped us be excited for the future. The moral of the story: celebrate life. Celebrate the big moments, the big milestones. But celebrate the simple things, too. If you’re having a tough season, I promise there are still things to celebrate even if it’s just the fact that you’re alive and breathing. Book the ticket, take the trip and celebrate your life.

At the beginning I shared that this trip was supposed to be a celebration of a milestone birthday and wedding anniversary, but it became more than that. 2018 was the hardest year we have ever gone through. I’ll save the reasons for another day, but as we came into December, it was hard to even be excited about the trip because so many things had gone wrong and brought a lot of pain

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Photo By: Adobe Stock

Hot Air Balloons

This Is... By: Jessica Vann-Campbell

A her.

ll my roads have led to

I swing my legs back and forth nervously under the table, swirling my sushi roll in ginger sauce and brushing his leg with my motorcycle-booted heal- hesitating before leaving it there, looking to see his reaction. “I’m divorced. I’m a neurotic clean freak and deathly afraid of vomiting and almost nothing else. I could die if I get pregnant.” “That’s okay,” he shrugged. “I was adopted by my dad so I’ve always thought adopting would be my journey to parenthood as well.” He popped an “Emerald City” tuna roll in his mouth and chewed contentedly.

That’s it, I thought: let’s go to Kauai and hide in the warm and salty ocean, listen underneath the waves for the buzzing of the fish around us, drowning out the voice telling us we’ll never find our match, no one will ever choose us, we’ll be too old if it happens anyway… The sand was calescent under our feet as we made our way across the beach to a rose petal heart at the edge of the surf. A petite, unruly-haired woman with a Hawaiian print dress places a haiku crown on my head and a garland of ti leaves around his neck. Grasping my hands, he tearfully recites his wedding vows once again, adding to them, creating a symphony of words that pull hot tears from my eyes. “The next steps in our life will happen slowly and then all at once.”

It’s mid-day in the crisp Belgian air and I press my nose against the shop window, inside, hanging from the ceiling in a small, cluttered corner was a paper mache hot air balloon. A vintage, travel-themed nursery. The idea came to us at the same time as we toasted our brilliance with paper cones full of french fries.

The stars are out on a cold November night, laying in the backseat of my car in a Fred Meyer parking lot- avoiding home, avoiding the mirror that tells me I can’t run from myself. Baby shower invites, pregnancy announcements and holiday cards with families adorned in farmhouse-chic trip trap filling my inbox. My arms are heavy and light all at once, empty without her in them.

The wall felt cool and smooth as I slid down, my back pressed against the only solid and honest thing I could find. So many heart-felt, painstakingly personal letters written to expecting parents; so many checks written; social worker visits with everything but our sex lives scoured, inspected and investigated. The loss of the idea of her experienced over and over.

It’s summer, I’m guarding my phone like a hawk in my office - squeezing my legs together to avoid having to get up and use the bathroom- why did I drink so much coffee today? Breaking my resolve, I run across the hall and proceed to do my business - my cell rings and I answer it breathlessly, my voice echoing off the walls of the industrial bathroom. “She picked you

guys” our agency representative shouts across the miles. I gasp. Scream something indecipherable and splash my face with cold water. Open adoption, two of the scariest words I could imagine- what if my child loves her birth mom more than me? What if she wants her back, can she change her mind? What if she doesn’t agree with our parenting choices? What if we end up not being enough? And yet my years of schooling and training in psychology had taught me the opposite is true for all my fears: open adoption is almost exclusively a better arrangement for a child as they grow and it’s definitely healthier for the birth family. It was worth it to put ourselves in an uncomfortable and risky situation for the benefit of our baby. And so, the video chats, texts and phone calls began. We learned about her family, her decision to make an adoption plan, her trust in us that while yes, we were an upper middle-class white couple in northwest Washington, we had thought through cultural mirrors, we were willing to move to a more racially diverse neighborhood, we would learn how to cornrow, that her baby wouldn’t be our only black friend. We learned about ChexMix being her favorite food and the ups and downs of being a young, single mother of two expecting a third and knowing she wasn’t equipped. She calls us from the OBGYN, she texts us her ultrasound photos (we can even make out the baby’s hair) she says, “Of course I want you both in the room with me, I want you to be a part of all of this crazy journey.”

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Rushing through Sea-Tac to make our flight to Gulfport, coastal Mississippi. The atmosphere is thick and humid stepping out onto the jet bridge. A storm is brewing, in our hearts and in the air around us as Hurricane Irma carves out her landfall. She’s nonchalant about her contractions, an old hat, she knows her body - her birth plan is summed up in one word: epidural. The nurses don’t listen to her, they turn to us for their inquiries and instructions. We shake our heads emphatically and point to her, “She is the mother, this is her baby, she makes the decisions.” Ninety minutes and two pushes later, our hopeful adoptive daughter is born. She can’t get her body temperature to equalize: instead of an epidural, she had to have a shot of demerol- no assistance with pain, just the nauseating high. Baby struggling due to the opioids swirling in her bloodstream. “Skin to skin would help,” says one of the nurses who had pointedly ignored her during the birth. “Ask her,” I insist. “This is not our child”. She gives me permission with a soft nod and slight blink of her drug addled eye. A nurse places another woman’s baby against my chest, under my dress and I feel the baby squirm and settle, tiny squished head pressed into my neck, the breath of a hummingbird. The next day dawns and we gather our things - ready to black mail the nursing staff with donuts and fresh brew. “Are her other children in state care? Is the father in prison?” a middle-aged white nurse surreptitiously murmurs to me as I hand over a maple bar and french roast. “Why do you ask that? Because she’s black?” I walk swiftly down the hall. They don’t tell you how it works. They don’t warn you that you fall so deeply in love that those 72 hours might as well be 72 years as paperwork is drawn and the birth parents sign their termination of parental rights. How do you hold this woman close to your heart when you’re so afraid of her? How do you afford to fund a second go at an adoption should one be “disrupted”? How do you fly home with an empty baby bjorn and a box of the smallest diapers you’ve ever seen in your carry on? Biloxi is beautiful in September, even with storm-darkened skies. We have to stay here for several weeks until we can leave the state with our daughter. The worst is over, we have driven away from her birthmother, I’ve seen her waving in my rear view holding the hands of her other two children, I’ve touched her shoulder softly as she buckles the baby into the rental car, I’ve felt her sigh against me as she circles me in an embrace that says everything and nothing all at once. And there, on the dresser is a wrought iron hot air balloon sculpture and no other decor than a bedside lamp. And there on the living room wall is a charcoal drawing of a brunette woman cradling a black infant against her. And there are all the answers I need.

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Letâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s celebrate YOU, every day

This Is... By: Alana Lima

here’s something about checking off things from our lists and getting the diploma or maybe reaching your “ideal” weight that’s so gratifying, right? Let’s take a second to think back to the last time we “accomplished” a big thing is our lives. It may be something you’re still proud of until this day. However, that exact moment usually tends to pass by so fast. The moment you walk down the stage or publish that book. The moment you can zip up those tight jeans or when you got that huge promotion. How about the journey before reaching that goal? Those hours of dedication and commitment to ourselves and all the late nights or long hours we worked to get to that one goal - to that one moment of pure bliss. It’s usually overlooked. We tend to be so focused on the destination we don’t realize the journey is the most important part of the equation. Once we set a goal, an intention, and we commit ourselves to it, our journey to reach that one thing has officially started. How about until we get there? All those months and hours of working up our minds and body - do we hustle and wait to celebrate only once we have accomplished our initial goal? I think in a way we program ourselves to do this but what if we changed things up and celebrated

our progress and our journey along the way? Because hey, you’re showing up for yourself and that’s pretty rad already! We have this thing in my family where we celebrate everything! I mean, every little accomplishment is worth a cheers at dinner. Why wouldn’t your hard work be worth a cheers, too? You might wake up every day at 5 AM to get your workout in before work, good for you! No, seriously, rolling out of bed when it’s still dark out and working towards something you want to accomplish takes dedication. So if this is you or if you are spending hours working for something take a second now to give yourself a big hug. When it comes to health, this is a big topic. Especially for women, it’s easier to look in the mirror and to automatically think how far we are from our goals than to think how much closer we are each day. I get it. I’m guilty of it too. Or at least I used to be way more guilty of not appreciating the progress and wishing things could just speed up. Then I realized there wasn’t a lot of gratification in the end because I had been fighting and resisting myself the whole way there! So, I found a way to change my mindset. Guess what helps change this mentality and bring some more self love into our lives? Yup. Celebrating your progress. Can you associate a negative emotion with celebrating? Not really because celebrating is highlighting the good, it's bringing out the positive.

So, if we celebrate our progress, we’re automatically appreciating ourselves, where we are at in this moment in time, how far we’ve come, and just the fact that we are in this journey is already something to celebrate. By taking time for this, maybe every day or every week, I can promise you you’ll feel better about yourself. You will change your mind to start seeing the good and beautiful things about you and you will have more peace and accept the journey. If celebrating the little things isn’t something that feels natural, or is something easy to forget to do, I put a list together for you of ways that you can implement this cool habit and mindset shift in your own life!

Easy & Quick Ways to Celebrate YOU: Tip #1: Gift yourself! Yes, this can be something material that you’ve been eyeing or thinking about BUT this can also be gifting yourself time - the most valuable resource. Maybe Monday nights can be your day to celebrate! You can create this beautiful flower bath you’ve been dying to try out or you plan a little spa night with face masks. Whatever makes you happy. Maybe it’s a glass of wine and Netflix. But intentionally use this time to celebrate you and your progress, because YOU DESERVE IT! Tip #2: Add it to your schedule If you’re like me, then there are 10,000 things you want to do that you never end up doing

This Is... because life gets in the way. So I found the most effective way to get something I’ve really been wanting to do done is by adding it to my schedule. Not only writing in Tuesday: Painting, but actually allocating time for it. So Tuesday at 6 p.m. would be better. This helps me actually make time for it so it prevents me from over committing to other things I want to do. Tip#3: Share with Friends When you get people involved then a celebration becomes a party! So here’s an idea: If you have friends you know who are also committed to a goal and are living their progress day by day, pitch the idea to celebrate together! Maybe you guys can dress up and go out or have a Pinterest cookout! No matter what it is you can celebrate together, talk about your progress, give support and hold each other accountable. I love this because it’s just another excuse to for a girls night or a party. Tip #4: Journal I love journaling but I know if you haven’t done it since high school English class, approaching a journal can be a little intimidating. So here are some tips to get started: Buy a beautiful journal. Something you like to see that you can even use as decoration in your room. This will help you keep it somewhere visible. Being able to see it really helps you remember you have it in the first

place. Choose a time of day your mind is not everywhere or you’re not too agitated. Maybe early in the morning or late at night. Then just allow your thoughts to flow through. You can document your process or if you crave more structure, give yourself a prompt. For example, write about all you’re thankful for. This can be words, sentences, you might even feel called to doodle or draw. Tip: Your journal should be a place of no judgement, a safe space to release all that's weighing on your mind. Usually once you’re done you might ealize you have more clarity, feel lighter and at ease. If having this “cheers” every night mind-set is something you want to try out, then I invite you to join me and commit to a couple things right now. (Yup, I said commit) It’s part of holding yourself accountable to the things you want to get done. All you have to do for now is answer these questions: • What do I want to gift myself? (Remember this doesn’t have to be tangible) • What day and time of this week can I block for ME time? • Who do I want to celebrate with? (Think of friends or family that would be supportive!) • When is the best time for me to journal? Just by doing this, you already started a new journey! Congrats! Now go ahead, CELEBRATE! And remember, YOU DESERVE IT!

This Is... If drunk girls are known for one thing it’s becoming besties with random girls in the bathroom. Case in point: my best friend of six years I met mid pee at a frat party (Oh, to be 18 again). But from time to time these drunken bathroom encounters can go terribly awry. I was in the midst of swiping left and swiping right with my newest bathroom bestie when suddenly the shower curtain comes tumbling to reveal a pile of sequins and spray tanned limbs. Bathroom bestie and I swoop her out of the tub (#nogirlleftbehind) and attempt to rehabilitate her and get her back to the party - puke and rally am I right? Cue: water, more water, pep talk, water, selfie, water, lip gloss, water, Snapchat and shitting. Yup. Shitting. Let’s just say tub girl ran to the toilet to throw up and while I was pulling her hair back her evening of tequila and Taco Bell ended up on me instead of the toiler. The worst part? She didn’t even know and went back out to the party. Me on the other hand? Yeah, I took one shitty (literally) Uber ride home, threw out a black mini dress, and decided my days of bathroom friendships were behind me. Sincerely, Toilet’s Stunt Woman Free drinks? Check. Top 40 music? Check. Birthday sash? Check. Getting punched in the face? That would also be a check. Let’s rewind a bit shall we? It’s my birthday and I’m feeling myself, duh. I’m in a leather skirt, fishnet tights, and I’m getting free drinks left and right. Who wouldn’t be feeling themselves? Oh, and did I mention this was my first time in a club? Fast forward to being six tequila sodas deep and desperately needing the bathroom, I came face to face to my worst nightmare: a crowded dancefloor and no direct path to the bathroom. With my weak bladder and overconfidence in tow I made my way across the club. Now, I’m a take charge kind of girl; I’ll push, I’ll shove, hell, I’ll throw an elbow and that’s just what I did—accompanied by “Excuse me, thanks” of course, I’m not a monster. The bathroom was in view, and my bladder knew, it was the final stretch when suddenly I was met with a sweaty fist. And that’s when I hit the ground. I was promptly swooped up by 2 security guards and never saw sweaty puncher again - and no, I didn’t get to go pee. I did however get to see the behind the scenes of a nightclub (it’s bleak), sit with an ice pack and question every move I made that night. Such as did I deserve to get punched? Maybe? I mean definitely not, but perhaps I did need to get knocked off my high horse. Next time I’ll lay low, avoid men who have their shirts unbuttoned indoors (hey, dude that punched me), and stay close to the bathroom. Sincerely, Hurt and Humbled It was freshman orientation at college and to celebrate the end of the week as we were about to enter our first days as official college students, my school put on a “social” – AKA a party where alcohol is not permitted or provided, but people show up drunk anyways. To be clear, I was completely sober so my account of the following events are completely factual. I was out on the dance floor with my new friends I had made that week when I see one of the football players jerkingly “dancing” with a girl next to me. I didn’t know the girl but I didn’t need to know her to recognize the look on her face meant she was not feeling this guy. So, I decided to pay attention to their interactions. Thank God I did. No, I didn’t end up a hero by stopping some unwanted sexual advances because that didn’t happen, but if I hadn’t decided to pay attention to these two I wouldn’t have been witness to the magic that was to come. Fast forward about thirty seconds and football player was clearly trying to get said girl to look up at him so he could make his move and lean in for the kiss. Said girl was probably aware of what he wanted and was very intentionally not looking up at him. So, football player moved to plan B – conversation. Or, at least, an attempt at one. “How are you feeling?” football player asked said girl. “Good,” she replied. WAIT FOR IT….”You want to feel gooder?” Sadly, I even think he was sober. Sincerely, Feeling Gooder

This Is...

[Newsworthy]

Laura Burkhart: Artist, Creator, Wife, & Soon-To-Be Mom Photo By: Wild Felt Photography

This Is... By: Tatum Garino

s an artist, Laura Burkhart paints mountains and sunshine and creates starbursts out of wood but as a human, she is a literal walking ray of sunshine. Together we sat down over coffee and tea with her in her signature panama hat paired with a Sherpa lined denim jacket and countless rings, her free spirit shining through even before she opened her mouth to tell me about her art, which is literally in her name, the creativity that is engrained in her, and her live-in-the-moment perspective on life. After her brother continuously encouraged her to pursue her art, losing him has served as a constant reminder for Laura to celebrate every day and to not take for granted the privilege she has been given with not only her gift but her life. And it’s clear after chatting with her that Laura takes nothing for granted and has been intentional in curating a life with her alsoa-business-owner husband that works for them, their dreams, their lifestyles, and their growing family. Tatum Garino: Tell me about your story – your art, your passion, discovering it, your life, anything! Laura Burkhart: I’ve always been an artist and always really taken that path. I mean I had that moment in college where I tried to do the more marketable skill or you know, the more practical major or whatever and tried that for a couple years but by the end of sophomore year it was clear that art was the route

I wanted to go. So I was an art major and then graduated and thought, “Well now what?” So I went back and got a degree in interior design because I thought that would be a more practical way to apply it. So I did some of that but kind of kept coming back to the art route. So even though I was doing interior design I’d still be doing shows on the side and be doing different kind of creative endeavors. So I’ve kind of dabbled in every part of the art and design world, which I guess lends itself to why now I use so many different mediums. But I’ve always worked in a creative field in some way and my jobs have always been creative, I’ve never done something different. I’ve always kind of put having a creative job over a high paying job or practical things. So that’s definitely been always my top priority and it hasn’t always been easy but it’s what I’ve always done and I’ve always worked way more than I’ve gotten paid for just to do the thing I love and I’ve always side-hustled one medium while doing another for a job. I worked for a couple different designers and stuff and always had my own art and design blog and then I worked for Free People for five years as a display artist and that was a dream job at the time because I got to travel all over the country and do art installations and work with really inspiring people. And it was an amazing learning experience, too, because we would design something or come up with something and then we would go learn how to create it – we’d buy the tools, figure it out, there was no hiring out for anything, we never like bought stuff anywhere else, it was all in-house, hands-on installations. So it

was pretty dreamy as a job as an artist. So that was very creatively fulfilling for a long time, so I would still paint on the side and I’d have shows and stuff but didn’t freelance during that job as much because that job was so demanding but also creatively fulfilling. And then, towards the end of those five years I started doing my own thing and wanted to come back to Seattle – I lived in Seattle but Free People was taking me all over the country and wanting me to move somewhere else to grow in the company and I’ve always wanted to stay here and my family is here and that’s really important to me. So I started freelancing on the side of that job and made a plan to leave and did that – freelanced for maybe four or five months and loved it but it was a struggle, it was a hustle, so the idea of a job with benefits was always there so I got a great opportunity to work in a creative job with another major retailer here in Seattle and took that opportunity even though I was kind of like, “Oh I know what I want to be doing is freelance and my own thing, but this job is like the perfect description for me, I get to do all that stuff but for a company that I like and at a stable position.” So I did that for about a year and a half and again, it was a super creative job, I got to do a bunch of fun projects for them – everything from murals to installations – but in that job I felt like I was starting to blur the lines between me as an artist and giving that away to them. I had, for years, really established my own aesthetic and my own work and when you do that you don’t have really have equity in anything you don’t have stock, you just have your signature on your work, that’s

This Is... all you have that’s kind of worth anything. So I kind of decided I wanted to do it but I wanted to do it on my own and work with that company but from the perspective of an artist. Because the other side of jobs like that within a company is that a lot of it is not creative, it’s sitting at a desk or folding clothes and at that job I was also a merchandiser so I was creating custom displays and store design but also some merchandising and I was just freelancing constantly. All night I would get home and I’d be on the computer reaching out, working on projects. Sometimes I would go from my job and then go paint windows for a few hours or have a show on the weekend or you know, it was these things here and there and I kind of made the decision that I had to come back to doing my own thing and that was always the driving force, even though I knew it was scary. I have such a passion for it and I was doing it non-stop no matter what and I kept getting in these positions where I didn’t need to be sidehustling but it was a passion so clearly that’s what I want to be doing. But I took awhile to take the leap again, I made sure I saved money and made plans and really garnered a bunch of connections and kept doing as many projects as I could on the side and then left in May of 2018. TG: So you’re coming up on a year – that’s exciting! But let’s go back some years to college, you said you thought about and tried convincing yourself to go the more marketable skill route and so why? Why was that something that you thought you would need? What was the fear of not having a “marketable

skill?” LB: Yeah, I guess in general I think things are a little bit different now but I graduated college in 2007, which was a recession and it was like, “That’s great that you want to do that but what are you going to do for a job?” And it was very much engrained in all of us that you go then get a nine to five, with benefits and what is that then going to be if you’re just an artist? Like graphic design was a more viable way to go but I didn’t like being on a computer all day so I think it was just like I felt like I needed something that was going to get me a job after. TG: And so then what was the biggest fear that you had when you decided not to go that route but to continue pursuing your passion, knowing that it was going to be hard? LB: I guess just that I couldn’t make it, that I couldn’t do it. So side bar but this is something that comes up a lot in my life – my brother passed away about ten years ago when he was 26 and I was 24 and we were both at UW at the same time and he was a computer science major – basically a computer genius, had a job at Google waiting for him before he even graduated. That was his passion but it was also like the most marketable skill you could have. He knew his life path sort of. And for me it was like, “I’m so passionate about this but what do you do with it?” And most people don’t think you can do much with it. My parents were surprisingly really encouraging but also realistic, like, “What’s the plan? What are you thinking?” And so, my brother was kind of the deciding factor because he was very logical, very straightforward and I was thinking, “Okay maybe I’ll be a Communications major.” And he was like, “No, you’re good at art, you love art, and that’s what you want to do – that’s what you should major

in.” And it made sense so I finally decided to just go for it. And I think once I made that decision it wasn’t fearful it was more like making the decision and knowing that I was going to be working ten times harder than I might ever be making money for, it was just knowing if I was ready for it and if I was passionate enough about it to have it be hard. And the answers were yes so I went for it and didn’t look back. But then again, I graduated and it was a recession and it was actually quite hard and at that time nobody was using local artists or handmade or anything. It was just a different time so that’s when I was like, “Okay, I’m going to go get an interior design degree and see if that’s a way.” TG: So you went back to school. LB: Yeah, I got my Bachelor of Arts in Visual Arts and then went back for an AA in Interior Design. TG: So you mentioned figuring out if you were passionate enough about it to be willing to work harder than you might have to in a more reliable job. Now that you’ve been doing this for almost a year plus all of the in betweens with freelancing, would you say that it’s worth it and that you’re passionate enough about it? LB: 100%. I also would say that I’m 33 and it took me a long time to, like everyone, figure out really what my priorities in life were and how I function and am happiest. And I think that’s the most important part. Because for me, emotional stress is harder on me than financial stress. So some people would hate the kind of stress that I’m under all the time and it would be so much easier for them to get a job that they might not love but that’s financially more reliable. Whereas for me, I’m always a little stressed financially but I am happy with what I’m doing

This Is... and it works for me. But I went back and forth so many times because I really had to learn that and understand that about myself. That and priorities. Again, we’re very conditioned to think that what we need is a 401K because we need to be able to retire at this age and we need this kind of house and we need this kind of thing to be able to have kids – like check the boxes and it took me awhile to give myself permission to know that those might be what we’re told to think but those aren’t my priorities necessarily. And when you lose someone, like losing my brother at 24 years old, your life shifts and your perspective shifts. And he took his own life and nothing shows you more how important quality of life is like that kind of thing happening or having somebody in your life struggling with depression that has nothing to do with maybe their life circumstances but just chemically imbalanced. We’ve had a lot of people in our family struggle with mental illness and stuff and have also lost a lot of people since then – our family has gotten smaller and smaller and for me, and luckily for my husband, too, [we realize] life is short, happiness and health is so important. There’s no part of me that’s sitting here worried about how I’m going to retire at 60 because it would worry me more to know that my day-to-day life is sad and bumming me out – that just doesn’t make sense to me. TG: And even living to 60 isn’t guaranteed. LB: Yeah and I have a constant reminder of that. For me to honor my brother is for me to live my best life every day, to love life and appreciate life every day. And some people spend a long time figuring out even what it is that they love, I’m lucky that I know what makes me happy and I know what I’m passionate about so doing it is

the hard part. But that’s important. And knowing how I flow throughout my day and knowing what makes me tick because I’ve been in those super solid, stable, dream-job positions and I’m not sleeping at night, I’m feeling horrible – so much emotional stress that caused all these other symptoms. And it’s become so clear to me that being in a corporation, sitting at a desk, not being able to be myself, not being able to do what I believe in or feeling like I’m not living up to my potential – like it stresses me out more spending eight hours a day at an easy job than to be hustling my butt off and doing the hard thing because then my mind just goes crazy and it’s off the rails. So I’ve been through all of that – the anxiety, the insomnia, the bouts of depression and this lifestyle works for me and it’s so much more rewarding even though it’s so much hard work and it’s stressful at times but it’s more stressful being in a situation where you know you’re not aligned with your purpose. TG: Well and I imagine that because you’re living your passion and your purpose, as much as there’s stress involved financially, what you’re doing is probably a lot of a stress-reliever for you, too. It’s therapeutic. LB: Totally, that’s true. And for me, again, having lost my brother, a lot of artists can paint from different places but I actually paint from a place of joy and not pain and more like celebrating the good and the light in the world. For me, making art is connecting with people and not selling a product. You might have this dream job being creative, doing art installations but the point of that is to get someone to buy this. And [I have] nothing against it but it didn’t bring me joy in the same way as much as the act of creating it – it’s so rewarding connecting with people and that trans-

fer of energy, like a painting for example that I’m putting into it and then they’re connecting with it in a way and that’s the exchange, it’s not them walking in and being like this is so cool and then feeding into how they should buy this thing. So if you’re doing something that takes passion and creativity you at the end of the day have to have your foundation and your why and my why is joy, happiness, exchange of energy, celebrating the light and beauty because we have plenty of the crap, plenty of the ugly and the painful – which is another thing: it took me a long time to feel like my art was valid because it wasn’t political or coming from a certain place but everyone has their own thing and for me this is how I contribute and being able to be okay with that. I’m adding a little bit of light, I’m not sending a really hard political message with what I do but that’s not who I am. TG: So you said one of your biggest struggles with being at a corporate job was not being able to be yourself so I’m curious with you talking about that and also about what your art comes from, how do you define yourself as an artist? Maybe define isn’t the right word but how would you describe yourself as an artist. LB: Well as a person, I’m a hearton-my-sleeve, feelings forward person and there has been no corporate situation where that has been okay or celebrated. And that’s something that’s just who I am. And it takes a little bit of time to figure out what you should adjust and change but also what’s just who you are and if it’s going to be painful to try to change that. And that’s definitely something about me that I am that way and it’s painful for me to try to pretend to be like I’m anything but and in every corporate situation that’s been frowned upon. I’ve even been

This Is... work – like I am connecting with clients when I make art, it’s about putting my heart on canvas, it’s a very vulnerable thing. So as an artist that’s how I am – it’s putting myself out there. And there are different medi-

ums that aren’t as much of that but at the end of the day that’s where it’s coming from for me – it’s very personal, it’s connected, it’s very sharing myself with the world and there’s no barrier to that and being in a position now

get that you’re passionate but I would not use the word intense to describe you whatsoever. LB: Yeah and maybe it’s because I’m not going to sit and have a conversation with someone and not talk about real life. It’s really hard for me to not be 100%

open, honest, real. And that’s a skill you need in a lot of corporate environments – learning to play the game. It’s not like I’m so off the rails that I can’t be professional it’s more like I never knew how to pretend to not care or to care more than I do

Photo By: Kevin Kinghorn Photography

told that I’m too passionate and that’s intimidating – “You care too much about what you do.” Or like me wanting to be friends with people I work with is unrealistic. That’s who I am and I think that leads into how I make

where that’s okay and it’s take it or leave it and knowing that I’m not for everybody is fine. Many people I’m too intense for and I’m fine with that. TG: I find that so funny because sitting here you’re so calm and I

This Is... and it was painful for me – and when I say painful I mean it became symptomatic in some other way with anxiety or not sleeping well. TG: You express yourself through your art and you’ve mentioned multiple mediums so do you mind laying those out? LB: These days I’m most known for being a painter and a wood-worker, I also do a bit of graphic design, I hand paint windows, I’ve done some interior design, I do watercolor as well, I’ve done kind of everything you can imagine for various jobs but I’ve narrowed it down to kind of my favorites, which are those now. TG: And so, since you’ve been doing freelance what’s been the hardest part? LB: I don’t even know where to start. What category of the hardest part? Because there are so many hard parts. [Laughs] I mean, you don’t ever get a day off. It’s kind of constant – again, love it because you’re going to do it all the time. It’s not financially stable necessarily. I mean, I’m at a point now where I’m not freaking out every day but that’s taken twelve years to get to, to be honest. And it’s still, I have my months where I’m like, “Oy.” But finances are super challenging, always, and having to be on top of taxes and stuff like that. Rejection is hard. And in this kind of work that is just part of the job every single day. Whether it’s applying for something and getting rejected or talking to a client and then they go in another direction or something not selling – there’s so many levels of rejection. And it’s never easy because if I could shut off my emotions and have that not effect me then that would be the same as shutting of the valve that is the art coming out so I kind of just have to roll with it and take the waves and feel that and be bummed and then feel stoked – sometimes I am such a rollercoaster because I can be so excited and then so bummed out, I’m not just a steady person, I’m feeling everything. So it’s not like those things come and I’m like, “Whatever!” I feel them and they sting and I get bummed and then I move on and when something great comes I celebrate it and I’m incredibly excited but I know it’s not the end-all, be-all or think, “Oh my God, I’ve made it!” That’s never a thing.

This Is... TG: So how do you stay secure in knowing that your art is valid? Through all the rejection how do you keep yourself grounded in the fact that what you’re doing is valid? LB: I think it goes hand in hand with self-confidence and being at a point where I understand that who I am is valid and just knowing that not everyone is going to like my art and that’s okay and just because people don’t like my art doesn’t mean that it isn’t valid, just like everything else in life. But when you’re younger and you’re trying to put yourself out there that’s way more of a struggle. But now I’m at a point where I’m going to be bummed and sad but I’m not going to be personally offended if someone doesn’t like my art and I’m going to know that there are so many people who have connected with it and have liked it. And again, I can say that and it’s still a struggle. I’ve been showing paintings, for example, for twelve years in Seattle and I got really, sort of brutally rejected this October – like was treated really poorly, had a really bad experience with a boutique gallery scenario and it took me down. I was like, “I’m never going to paint again.” It was really brutal. I sort of broke down and I had to remember – and having people around me that remind me of all the people who do love my art, that was one ass, don’t let them take that away from you. But it took me a minute to paint again and keep going and remember there’s a reason I’m doing this and it’s not so everyone likes it or so that they sell all the time, it’s because I love it and I want to put it out there. TG: So that’s the hard stuff, what’s been the biggest success or hooray, celebration moment? LB: I mean, being able to actually provide for myself and pull in just as much as I was in a salary position it pretty amazing. And even multiple times contribute more and create more work for my husband or my family and being able to hire someone – super scary but really good. Investing in something like that is super scary but really rewarding, I feel like I’m giving someone else an opportunity. And all the personal connections. For every shitty thing that happens there’s a person that’s moved by what I do or that’s super excited to receive a piece and that makes it worth it every time. And to be able to do that fully without any barrier or in between or any sort of bullshit or need to be political about it is super rewarding. For it to be about nothing but the art is really cool and knowing that that’s doing something in one person’s life. And being able to have my own schedule. [Laughs] Being able to flow in and out of my day. You know, I’m pregnant now, I have a baby coming, and I can’t tell you any person that told me doing this would be a better way to have a baby but for me and my life it 100% is. Everyone was real worried about me not having a stable job with benefits and wanting to have kids, like, “How are you going to do it?” And for me, I’ve been sick and pregnant but able to sleep in a little more and work my way around still doing my work and still bringing an income in and still being

This Is... creative when I’m creative and kind of flow in and out of my day, which is really the way you should be working as a creative, it’s just not really set up for us to do that. It’s not like I can be like from 9 to 5 I’m going to paint because I might not be inspired. Or I can’t be like from 9 to 5 I’m going to wood work, because it’s physical. Not only is it creative, it’s physical work that you really have to take certain breaks and have an ebb and flow. So being able to do it in a way that works for me has been so rewarding. TG: Well, and I feel like bringing a baby into this world the way you are – you are the best version of yourself doing what you’re doing and it wouldn’t be that way if you were unhappy dealing with the bullshit of a corporate job. LB: Absolutely. I was pregnant previously when I was in a stable paying job with benefits and the second I was pregnant I was like, “Oh no, no way I could come back to this job.” First of all, I had to hide it for forever because I was afraid I’d be looked at a different way or written off the second I was pregnant. I knew there was no way I was going to commute an hour on either end of a 9 to 5 with a baby, I knew it wasn’t possible. And I was so stressed. And ultimately I miscarried and it was a really stressful preg-

nancy and even though my stress didn’t cause my miscarriage I was stressed and part of it was I wasn’t healthy before I got pregnant. I was stressed and symptomatic – I was emotionally stressed and that caused me to be physically stressed. So this time, having done what I’ve been doing I’ve never felt better. TG: What would you like to say to the people who have doubted you, the people who have rejected you, what’s your state-

might be one thing [that’s lucky] but it’s never an end-all, be-all, [working hard] a constant thing. TG: Like you might get temporarily lucky but it’s not going to be sustainable. LB: Yeah and I know people that have maybe just started this endeavor and after a few months they may be discouraged and I just want to say it’s a constant every single week and every single month working at it and it’s a slow build. I did not just jump off and think the net would appear – I built that net painstakingly and I repair it all the time and go back to it and always work at it. Any success I’ve had I think is just because I’ve been relentlessly working at it. To the point where if I didn’t believe that it was so much in my soul to do then many times I could have given up or taken it as a sign that this isn’t what I should be doing.

I did not just jump off and think the net would appear – I built that net painstakingly and I repair it all the time and go back to it and always work at it. Any success I’ve had I think is just because I’ve been relentlessly working at it.

ment to them? LB: I would say that it’s fully possible but by no stroke of luck. I think in general when people doubt they think you don’t have what it takes, like talent or whatever, or when you do well it’s because you got lucky. Really it’s neither. I mean, yeah, you need to be good at the thing you’re passionate about. You can’t just follow a passion if you’re not good at it but you also have to work your ass off, there’s no stroke of luck. There

TG: You mentioned people that might be starting down this path but what about your statement to the people that are too scared right now to take that leap of faith? LB: From my perspective, life is short. Life is damn short. And I think it comes back to understanding what is valuable to you and if what is valuable to you is financial security and that’s the top priority then maybe taking

This Is... the leap of faith isn’t for you. But if what is valuable to you is quality of life and for you quality of life means following that passion then it’s absolutely worth it to take the leap because what are you waiting for? You know, the rest will figure itself out and if it’s really what you want to do then you’ll make it happen. And that’s the thing we don’t give ourselves credit for enough. Also think, what’s worst case scenario if you take that leap? You’re homeless? Probably not. Worst case scenario is probably you get another job or you bartend or you’re a barista to supplement your passion and maybe that hurts your ego a little bit but are you happier that way? Maybe. Maybe you’re not but for most of us we’re very privileged and we’re very lucky to be in this first world and have all the things we have and worst case scenario is not that bad. Like worst case scenario for having kids without a job that has benefits? Worst case scenario is they have to pay for their own college? I think that’d be great for them. So many people I know are nervous about all those things and I think it’s really important to save and look at your future and I definitely do but that’s not going to keep me from living today because you might not have tomorrow – none of us are guaranteed that. All we have is the every day and if every day you can come to the end of the day and you feel good, then you’re doing it right. You feel good about how you’re living your life and your priorities. And for some people that’s having a job that pays their bills and allows them to travel and more power to those people. For some people it’s loving what they do every minute of every single day, but that’s not everybody. But I’d say if you know in your soul it’s what you want to do, then fucking do it. TG: Has being pregnant changed

your views at all or added any worries or concerns or did you already have that mindset before you got pregnant? LB: I think because I was pregnant before and miscarried that was the time that it shifted and really put things in clear view for me and made me realize even more so what was important and what wasn’t. So I feel like this time being pregnant I was in the mindset already and knew what I was doing. For example, the last time I was pregnant I was asking myself how can I finally be getting pregnant and be doing this thing I’ve wanted to do and worked over ten years in this industry and feel like I’m not where I want to be at all to be a mom? And that was really hard. But now I feel like it might be really stressful right now but this is essentially the path to the lifestyle we want to have. We have flexible schedules now, we can make it work, it might not look like what anyone else thinks it should but we’ll figure it out and it’ll work for us. And I feel like the only shift for me is prioritizing health and having a family and knowing that we might not be able to go on fancy trips with this lifestyle but will we be able to see our kids every day? Yeah. So that’s more important to me. So I think that’s the main thing – having to accept what practically is and what isn’t but also knowing what’s important. And I think if we were people who valued other things more we would do it differently. Like if we wanted a really nice house or to go on fancy trips we would not be freelancer or doing our own thing – it’s not really the road to that. TG: So you’ve curated the life you want to live. LB: Yeah. TG: Anything else you’d like to add? LB: In general I’d just say it’s a

hustle and a struggle but it’s so rewarding for me. And also a good reminder if you’re scared financially is that it might be a struggle but you can also work your ass off and reap more benefits from it as opposed to you can work your ass off or not work at all in a corporate job and you’re going to make the same. That might not always be the case but most of the time the benefits that you reap are a direct correlation to the work you put in. You may not being getting paid for all of the work you do but the harder you work, the more you put into it, the more you hustle, the more you can get back and the more you can create for yourself. And that’s rewarding in itself, knowing you have the power to actually create this, you don’t have to ask anyone. There’s not someone holding the key to what I’m going to make for the entire year. You can choose to work seven days a week and make more and that’s what I did all summer. And people asked, “Are you ever going to take a day off?” And I was like, “Well no. Because I’m trying to get pregnant and at some point I’m hopefully going to be and I’m going to be fucking tired.” Which I am now so thank God I hustled my ass off all summer and worked so much extra because I was able to position myself to bring someone on to help me to take a little bit of a break in January when it was the worst. And that in itself is empowering. And for someone who is a go-getter, you’ll make it fucking work no matter what. You’ll use all the hours of your day. TG: And if you’re truly passionate about it half of it probably won’t feel like work anyways. LB: Yeah, exactly.

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lauraburkhartcreative.com @lauraburkhart

This Is...

The giver who lifted me out of darkness By: Krista Bridges

’m a firm believer in surrounding yourself with positive people. There is a certain type of person I tend to notice more of in the world - a particular group of selfless humans I refer to as “Givers.” These are the people that care more about the needs of others than they do themselves. Givers thrive off contributing, helping, volunteering, donating, plainly and simply filling others with happiness and hope with no expectation of reciprocation. Over the past few years, my significant other and I have faced some trying times, and we have been blessed with an overwhelming number of Givers in our lives - particularly most recently when we had to make some important life decisions. But one Giver has stood out amongst the rest. Her generosity shining a bright light through some of our trickiest obstacles. That amazing human’s name is Sara. For a bit of background, without word-vomiting all over this page, October 2018 flipped my life upside down. After traveling for nearly two years, I was back in the USA with not much more than a few t-shirts, a few workout tanks, a few pairs of holey leggings (don’t judge), two party dresses (for weddings I was home for) and several pairs of non-winter worthy shoes. Living back at my mom’s house, in the middle of nowhere, sleeping on an air mattress and living out of a suitcase. No car, no public transit, no steady income stream and without a clue when things would lift back up. I should probably also mention

that through all of this I am also without my significant other, who lives in Scotland. Enter the true feature of this article: Sara. Sara was a former colleague. We taught group fitness classes together and she has always been an advocate for kindness, compassion and rising up against the obstacles life hands us. Sara is a do-er. A superwoman to the four men in her life (husband & three kiddos). A Giver. And I’m lucky to call her a friend. Within a week or so of my return to the USA, I had reached out to Sara to connect, catchup and update her on my situation. Sara was the current Group Fitness Manager at the health club where we both had originally met. Without hesitating Sara was already connecting me to cover for instructors and their classes. She was also connecting me with the new owner to discuss future projects and workshop ideas. Before I knew it, new opportunities presented themselves and Sara was taking on a new full-time gig elsewhere, asking if I would be interested in transitioning into her role as a GFM and take over her Thursday morning Bodypump class. What a blessing. It may sound silly to some, but the ability to have even part-time work again was liberating. Amidst the chaos of visa application paperwork, a whistle stop wedding at Boston City Hall and the uncertainty of when my now husband and I would see each other again, Sara was consistently reaching out with support and encouragement, seeing what else she could do for us. Outside of additional employment opportu-

nities (house/pet sitting within her network), Sara has shared transportation means (her car). If you live in a small town of 2,000 people, located about 18 miles from the nearest grocery store or gas station, you may understand the significant impact this act of kindness has had on my daily life. Not to mention, the spare workout clothes, cozy socks for winter, gift certificate for Dave (my SO) and I to get some lunch together when he’s back in the USA for a visit, invitations to her home for family dinners, and the casual act of checking in with a phone call just to see how I’m holding up. Sara has gone above and beyond generic kindness. She has taken the time to be present and provide without reciprocation or expectation. As I said earlier, Givers want to help - in all way shapes and forms. No act of her generosity has been overlooked or taken for granted. It’s sincerely hard to put into words how grateful I am and means more than I can express in this space. However, it felt honest and true that I share and honor one of life’s Givers, acknowledging what a star she is and what a difference she has made in my life. She is one of life’s amazing humans. Why is generosity something we value? I believe I value generosity so much because I have been fortunate enough to have been on both sides of the Giving fence. As a Giver, I find remarkable joy in knowing I can help. It’s empowering to realize you can change the course of someone’s day with what may seem like insignificant acts. But having more recently been on the receiving end of those kind gestures, I know just how pow-

This Is... erful those small acts, those phone calls, those little contributions can be in transforming your life quite significantly. Bob Kerrey said, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Unexpected kindness is the most powerful, least costly and most underrated agent of human change.â&#x20AC;? I want to celebrate the non-material gifts of generosity - time, wisdom, listening ears, guidance, attention span. Those are acts irreplaceable. How do you place value on generosity?

Photo By: Andrea Michelle Photography

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This is... A Party

This Is... By: Carla Marie

hen our editor-inchief, Tatum, asked me to write a party recap for This Is… Magazine’s one-year birthday I said “I’d love to!” I had hosted the Instagram story for the night of the party and had written for the magazine before - it would be easy! Then I sat down to write it and re-typed my first two paragraphs three times. How do I recap a party you didn’t get to go to and make you excited about it? Do you care that the gold, black, white and confetti balloons matched the unbelievably tasty macaroons? Probably not. There were GIANT prints of all the covers of This Is… around the room, which was pretty cool, but again, you still can’t grasp what it felt like at the Baltic Room in Seattle on February 2nd, 2019. I was stumped. Then I realized I was going to write an article Tatum was going to hate - sorry not sorry. We were invited to celebrate the one-year birthday of This Is… Magazine but we were really celebrating our editor-in-chief/queen, Tatum, who started this magazine you’re reading right now. She’ll tell you the party was to celebrate the people in her life who encouraged her to get

this thing started and the contributors who write for every issue. While she’s not wrong, there were way more people who came to the party to celebrate HER. The room was full of Tatum’s friends, her family, and contributors who have read each other’s writing but have never met before! It’s sounds cliché but you could literally feel the love in the room. Everyone is so proud of Tatum for not only having a dream but actually following it and doing it well. Birthday parties are fun, but this was different. We were celebrating a magazine that has helped so many women feel like they aren’t alone. A magazine that has given so many women the chance to tell their story when they never thought they could. Tatum will tell you the magazine thrives because of the brave women who tell their stories, who write for free in their free time but I’ll tell you the truth: none of us would be able to do this if it weren’t for Tatum. She’s given up so many hours of her free time to get every issue edited and published. She’s learning how to create a business from the ground up all while never being paid. I can confidentially tell you that Tatum is one of a kind. There was so much excitement around celebrating Tatum and This Is…, the party planning was done by Tatum’s friends

and headed up by Crystal from Nobility Leadership. Everything was seamless. Crystal gave a toast to Tatum explaining how she’s given women a place to share their stories and be a source of healing. Tatum got on the mic to share her story about how she had this crazy idea to start a magazine and the people in the room are the ones who encouraged her but the women who wrote for the magazine are the ones who keep it going. Tatum specifically shouted out her husband, Mitchell, who has supported her through the entire process. Mitchell surprised Tatum by getting on the mic and telling her how proud he was and the fact that she had a room full of people there to support her and her magazine and he didn’t recognize half of them was a huge success! All the feels were happening. Tatum has so many more plans for This Is… Magazine and I can’t wait for you to see what’s next. Keep sharing your stories and telling your friends about the badass magazine that’s written by women, for women. Sadly, I won’t be at the second birthday party because Tatum is going to kill me!

Photos By: Andrea Michelle Photography

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[Good Shit]

Books.

Music.

This Is...

Life.

The Comfy

Darling

Little

Accents

By: Tatum Garino

e should all aspire to be more like Nina. Why? Because instead of complaining about her setback, she created a solution that helped her but also other women like her. Keep reading to learn about the good shit that sheâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s doing with Darling Little Accents.

right here in Seattle (Bellevue/Issaquah to be exact). I currently live in Kirkland with my husband of four years who also is from the Seattle area. In 2017 I opened my Etsy shop, Darling Little Accents, which sells earrings made on plastic posts. I love all things purple and I'm really into the Seahawks. When I'm not working on the Etsy shop I can usually be found attending concerts or musicals, going to Disneyland or eating cheese.

Tatum Garino: Tell me about yourself and your story. Nina: My name is Nina and I was born and raised

TG: What was the inspiration behind Darling Little Accents? N: Like a lot of girls, I got my ears pierced when

This Is... I was young. I remember it really clearly, my baby sister was on her way and as a “big sister gift” my parents took me to the pediatrician's office to get my ears pierced. I'm a pretty big wimp so I guess it's no surprise that after getting one ear pierced it hurt so bad that I turned to my mom and said, “I think I only need one ear pierced like Dad, I don't need both pierced like you.” I wore earrings with no problem until I was about 11 when my ears started to get red, itchy and warm. After three years of non-stop reactions I finally found a dermatologist that diagnosed me with a severe metal allergy (mainly nickel). This meant no more jewelry, especially earrings. It also meant wearing undershirts to cover the button on my jeans and having my permanent retainer replaced since it was made of metal (yes, I am THAT sensitive). I stopped wearing jewelry altogether but never gave up. Occasionally I would wear earrings anyways but always made sure I had a purse with me so I could take them off after the evening's pictures were taken since my maximum time without pain was about two hours. TG: How did you start it? N: In 2017 I discovered the existence of plastic posts but couldn't find any stores that sold them for affordable prices. Being the lifelong crafter that I am, I purchased some posts and sparkles and after the most excruciatingly long four-to-six-day shipping window I sat down and made my first pair of plastic post earrings. They were so lightweight I forgot they were even in my ears until my husband turned to me and said, “You know, you've been wearing those earrings for like six hours!” I sat down and cried. After so many years of seeing friends buy jewelry and me sitting there watching them, I was finally going to be able to wear earrings of my own! It seems like such a small thing but for me it was a very, very big deal. I knew there were other people out there like me who had to swear off wearing earrings and I wanted to

share the joy I had just experienced with others. We started Darling Little Accents on Etsy about a month later and now sell over 100 styles of earrings made on plastic posts. TG: How has it grown? N: The growth has been really surprising! I always felt really alone with my allergy but it turns out that a lot of people are allergic to metal! The CDC estimates 10-20% of the population is allergic to nickel and over the years as I've advertised Darling Little Accents I'm still always shocked when someone says, “Oh! My sister has a nickel allergy.” We've grown our Instagram and Etsy shop over the past 15 months and are approaching 1,000 pairs sold. TG: What's been the hardest thing? N: The hardest thing about building an Etsy shop is getting found. SEO is a challenge and getting in front of people is the key! Plastic post earrings are a pretty niche market so my biggest challenge is getting people to know I exist. Whenever I feel like giving up I think back to that moment of realizing I'd been wearing earrings for hours with no reaction and I am motivated all over again. TG: What's made it all worth it? N: Not only have I helped to allow others to wear earrings but now my own earring collection has grown from two pairs to over 100! There is a sense of pride that comes with building this business and every milestone we hit my heart grows and grows. TG: Did you always know you were going to create your own business or create something? N: I've always been a really creative person and a crafter but I never thought I'd start a business! I'm definitely a Pinterest gal who likes to make things and gets true joy out of presenting someone with something that I made. TG: Have you had any issues or opposition or nonsupporters? N: So far people have been really supportive! I've found some really wonderful people through Instagram (including you!) and have been really lucky to have had nothing but positive experiences so far. TG: What advice do you have for anyone else wanting to create something? N: Just do it! The hardest steps are starting and setting expectations. In the case of Darling Little Accents, I was making earrings for me and if others liked them and wanted to buy them then that was great! If not, I had a project/hobby/craft that I enjoyed and as long as I was having fun and happy that is the most important thing

[ y o u r s ]

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“Everything is figureoutable.” -Marie Forleo

Celebrate every tiny victory.