thislife_issue_5 by Thislife Magazine

Issue 5

thislife

FREE

in search of meaning

How to get what you want (without being a brat)

I wish I was an alcoholic, confesses Philip Yancey

Gary and Deborah Kirsten:

living beyond the comfort zone

summery lemon syrup it’s so easy!

WIN FAB STUFF!

Jay Jays gift card, photoshoot, breakfast @ Starlings, surfski lesson and loads more…

My body’s sliding south - one woman’s blog God and contemporary living

Tackle

teen stress

contents

ON THE COVER 05 foodielife Fresh lemon syrup (it’s so easy) 06 mylife Gary and Deborah Kirsten: beyond the comfort zone 14 agony How to get what you want (without being a brat)

picture courtesy of Independent Newspapers

18 teenlife Tackle teen stress 20 thoughtlife Why I wish I was an alcoholic 27 bloglife My body’s sliding south

AND THE REST 04 younglife Tyla’s photolog 10 photomoment Your winning pics 12 reallife ‘How I learnt to say no’ – Cape Town stories 15 coolstories Bread for schoolchildren: retired man brings hope to the hungry

16 sportymoment SA surfer teens on life’s highs and lows 19 vintagelife Grandmother’s love letter 23 hotmedia Books/movies/music Capetonians love 24 stickyissues Isn’t the church full of hypocrites? 25 randomhumour Cartoons and their creators 26 betterlife Jody finally passes maths! PLUS Michelle and the Superstars 28 paparazzi Did we snap YOU? 29 infomoment Where we are, plus courses for YOU: divorce recovery, parenting, Alpha, boundaries… 30 marketplace Local classifieds (take the las out of looking) 31 marketplace More classifieds 32 retailtherapy Uplift others while buying fab gifts

PRIZES: up for grabs in this issue Surfski lesson for two p16 Photoshoot: professional pics worth R1500 p10 Breakfast for two @ Starlings coffee shop p19 R300 bouquet from The Rose Café delivered to the door p13 • Styling session: one hour with dress designer Robyn Roberts p27 • Cricket shirt signed by Gary Kirsten p9 • • • •

• • • • • •

Golf hamper p24 Tag Rugby session for your school or party p4 R250 Jay Jays giftcard p18 Loads of books! p23 ‘Soul Surfer’ (teen DVD) p23 Your business card/logo designed or web design session p30

CONTACT US/COMPETITION DETAILS Want to enter a competition, give input or send a comment or question to anyone who wrote in this magazine? • Email Katy at thislifemag@gmail.com (photo competitions and correspondence) • Sms 072 802 7022 (all other competitions - normal sms rates apply) • Fax Katy on 021 658 4140 • Physically deliver anything (mark it Katy @ thislife mag) to the St John’s Parish office (it’s next to Springfield Convent, the brick hall off the large car park at St John’s Church, St John’s Road, Wynberg). Tel 021 761 9020 ALL COMPETITIONS IN THIS MAGAZINE END 19 MARCH 2012

Really sorry if you’re from afar, but all prizes need to be picked up in Cape Town! The Rose Café prize cannot be delivered beyond Cape Town

A special thank you to Max Bosanquet and Martin Yodaiken of Cape Photography (www.capephotography.co.za) who lent us their studio (again...) 02 thislife | issue 5

Hello...

keep calm and carry on...occasionally your editor manages it

and

welcome

to thislife magazine!

hat good is God? Pausing only to take a few healthy swipes at the organised church, top American spiritual writer Philip Yancey poses this question in his new book (see p 20).

You, dear reader, no doubt have a unique answer to the question. So do Gary and Deborah Kirsten (see p6). And champion SA surfers, teenagers Davey and Benji Brand (p16) have yet another that is palpably painful in places. It’s also a question that is the very heartbeat of thislife. In 32 pages, we can only scratch at its surface. But away we scratch. And we hope that the ideas and real-life stories thrown up in the process will stay with you.

For pure inspiration, check out the story of one retired man, Clive Kolbe, and his determintion to feed hungry schoolchildren. Of all the vibrant stories we have put together for you on these pages, this is the one that seared my soul. See what it does to you (p15). Clive is a member of St John’s Anglican Parish, Wynberg (www.stjohns.org.za), the anchor for this magazine. But most of our readers are not. You’re from homes, businesses, schools, coffee shops and doctors’ waiting rooms right across Cape Town’s southern suburbs and beyond. So whether you’re churched, churched-out or consider yourself unchurchable, read on.

Finally, make sure you enter our competitions. We have seriously nice prizes (check out the list opposite). And because we’re local, your chances of winning are HOT! Katy Macdonald Ed

PS You can now find us ONLINE at www.thislife.org.za where you’ll also find past issues. Or check out our Facebook page (‘thislife magazine’) where

you can connect with thislife readers and sometimes win prizes…

thislife | issue 5

Hey!

younglife

I’m Tyla, I’m 7 and I belong to Emmanuel Church, Wynberg I just LURVE sweet things. Here I am in Kalk Bay eating Mickey Mouse waffles. Life can’t get much better than this

My fi mom rst junior one s Hayley raArgus. W h tage I roden all the wat a lot o f fu ay away from behind mn. My her, h e ee he and at e

And here they are!

Okay , spen okay. Na ture’s t time for m y fair on the be nice too. M y box a proje ch collect om and I ct ing s hells

Rose is my favourite Build-A-Bear and I have her in my collection. Then I saw her at the Argus cycle tour! Just had to have a hug

Congrats

to Tyla for her winning photolog, which nets her a bumper stash of sweets and chocs!

Q: Why did God make different A:

races?

The Bible tells us over and over that while we were created in the image of God, He chose to make us all different. He doesn’t want us to all be copies of each other. How boring would that be? Imagine every single person in the whole world having brown hair or green eyes! God is creative! Doesn’t an artist paint different paintings? He won’t paint the same one over and over – that doesn’t show off his creativity. Of course, just because some of us have dark or light skin, it doesn’t make us better than others.

In Psalm 139 David praises God because he is ‘fearfully and wonderfully made’ and says that he knows that ALL God’s works are ‘wonderful’. David didn’t say only people with brown eyes or straight hair are wonderful – all of us are wonderfully made, and each of us is made in the image of our creative God. Answer by Roxanne Rhoda, children’s worker,  St John’s Church, Wynberg

04 thislife | issue 5

YOU CAN WIN TOO! Send us a great picture of you and your pet (someone else’s pet will do fine, too!) and the best entrant will win a Tag Rugby session for their school or their party

Cool for boys AND girls

(check it out at www.tagrugby.co.za) PLUS… we’ll publish the pic in our next issue, so you’ll be FAMOUS too!!! What do you Competition and get when you Toothbrush: email details on p2 cross a chicken ‘Sometimes I feel and a pit bull I have the worst job terrier? in the world’ Just the pit bull terrier

QUESTION TIME

Okay, so what I like about painting and drawing is that you can draw anything you think of and it doesn’t matter what it looks like, hee hee

Loo-paper: ‘Yeah, right...’

foodielife

Sandy Collier

Who’s the cook? Sandy Collier of Christ Church, Kenilworth

Why do you like it? It’s fresh, refreshing and has no additives. It’s also nice to give as a gift. It keeps well for months, either on the shelf or in the fridge once you’ve opened it

Top tip? If a ‘plug’ develops in the bottle neck, just discard when you open it

What you need

(makes 4 x 750ml bottles) • 600 ml lemon juice (squeeze this yourself or, if you’re frazzled, buy it in a bottle at the supermarket) • Grated rinds of 6 lemons • 2 kg sugar • 60 g citric acid (from baking section @ supermarket) • 1 tbsp Epsom salts (also from baking section @ supermarket) • 1.7 litres boiling water • 4 x 750 ml bottles, whatever type you have available. No need to sterilise!

What you do Mix sugar with boiling water and stir to dissolve. Add lemon juice, grated lemon rinds, citric acid and Epsom salts. Stir. Leave to stand overnight. Strain in a sieve (if you’re a domestic deity, do another straining through a layer of netting). Finally, bottle. Serve diluted to taste with water

summery

lemon syrup FRUITY TIP: Orange or grapefruit works well too

NAUGHTY TIP:

Splash this into gin or vodka! If it’s very early in the morning, add a few drops to weak black rooibos or use it to make iced tea this page proudly sponsored by Liesel and George van Niekerk thislife | issue 5 05

picture courtesy of LoveLife Photography

mylife

Gary, James, Joshua and Deborah Kirsten survived a tough three-year separation from each other

ew South Africans need an introduction to Gary Kirsten, South Africaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s new cricket coach. An icon worldwide for his left-handed batting and his patience, he is one of a tiny band of global players to have played in more than 100 test matches. Fans also revere him for having scored a century against every test-playing nation in the world. After retiring from the

Proteas in 2004 as a player, Gary hit the headlines again last year when he coached the Indian cricket team to a stunning win of the ICC World Cup. Gary (44) is married to Deborah, a writer and motivational speaker, and they live in Claremont with their sons Joshua (8), James (4) and their new baby, Joanna. Here they talk of how they met, Garyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s career, how international coaching affects a family, and their journeys of faith.

06 thislife | issue 5

mylife

GARY

grew up in Rondebosch. My father was a civil engineer and later became the groundsman of Newlands cricket ground. We lived in the stadium and played on the ground all the time. I used to boast that I had the biggest back garden in the world. It sounds idyllic, and in many ways it was, but not every aspect of my growing up life was quite as perfect. My parents had a tumultuous marriage and split up twice – the second time, they got divorced. My dad died very suddenly of stomach cancer when I was 18. I had been living with him at the time and needed to find a new home immediately. A teacher at Rondebosch Boys’ High School, which I attended, let me live in his house for six months, and then I moved around a bit. Funnily enough, at Rondebosch Boys’ Prep, I had quite a strong sense of God. In Standard 3 and 4, I would get together with a couple of mates and have bible studies, but once I hit high school I needed to become one of the jocks and completely went off Christianity. I was captain of rugby, captain of cricket and a prefect. It all just worked for me. It was the same at UCT, where I was studying for a BA, it was a loose life! I never got into drugs or anything, but I certainly enjoyed a good party and all that comes with it.

was breathtakingly beautiful and I thought, ‘I’ve got to pursue this’. I asked a friend to introduce us. We had a good chat. Five months later I walked, by chance, into a restaurant in Cavendish Square where she was working. She had split up with her boyfriend by then, and I called her a number of times. When she eventually came out with me, I knew on the first date that she was the girl I wanted to marry.

Cricket has the highest divorce rate After we’d been going out a while, Debs said, ‘If we are going to pursue a future together, I need you to understand who I am spiritually, and my Christian beliefs.’ This began a process of my beginning to reconnect with God and ask serious life and spiritual questions. Some time later, I signed up for an Alpha course where I had heard non-believers could go with their questions, and I felt a bit spiritually clearer coming out of that, but I had no

overnight spiritual experiences, and faith was a slow journey for me. I do, however, remember having a specific moment in Pakistan when, despite my career doing really well and my having a great relationship with Debs, I realised I wasn’t being fulfilled by this ‘great’ life. I needed more purpose to my living. I had just read a book called The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren and was starting to think I wanted a life of more purpose and meaning rather than self-fulfilment. I decided to make a definite life-commitment to God. But I was very scared of the changes I thought I would need to make. However, one of the great things I discovered was that God will accept you however you are, and change becomes a natural process from the inside out. One thing that helped me relinquish my life and career to God was an experience I had in 2000 when I was battling for form in my cricket. There was a lot of pressure in the media for me to be dropped, and my confidence was at an all-time low. But I was picked to play against the visiting England team, and once again got only a trickle of runs in the first innings, and South Africa was ultimately forced to follow on. Debs is very good when she sees I am nowhere, and we had a time

It was at UCT that my career got going. I was 21 and had just got 100 in a game when the coach asked me, ‘Do you want to further your cricket career?’ I didn’t know. I had no aspirations at all. But he got me thinking, and I started putting a whole lot more time and effort into my cricket. picture courtesy of Duif Du Toit/Gallo Images

breathtakingly beautiful After a few successful years as a first class cricketer for Western Province, I was privileged to be selected for South Africa and to tour Australia in December 1993. This opened the door to many years of playing for my country, which was an incredible honour. With this, however, came the trappings of living the high life of an international sportsman, and I certainly found myself quickly immersed in this lifestyle. I was a Springbok cricketer on the prowl when I spotted Debs in the Green Man, a watering hole near UCT very popular with students. She

Gary Kirsten gives World Cup-winning slip practice in India: ‘I see coaching as dealing with people’s issues’

thislife | issue 5

mylife

The whole Hansie Cronje saga happened when I was relatively new in my spiritual walk, and I looked up to the likes of him as a Christian leader. It was traumatic but it didn’t put me off Christianity. I realised we are all fallible and make mistakes. I never applied for the position of Indian coach. I was running my own cricket academy at The Sports Science Institute in Cape Town when I got a bizarre email out of the blue from Sunil Gavaskar, a legendary Indian cricketer, who said the Indian team was struggling to find a head coach and would I consider the position? There was no context to it, I think they liked the way I had played in the sub-continent, but they didn’t know me as a person and I had no experience of coaching teams.

I want to add value to people’s lives Just three weeks earlier I had said to Debs, ‘I think I should go and help out at UCT cricket’, and suddenly here I was being invited to coach the biggest cricketing nation in the world! I thought it was a joke, and didn’t respond until I got a second mail. I flew to India for the interview. It was quite funny as it was meant to be shrouded in secrecy, but by the next day my cell started ringing and I had over 200 calls from people saying, ‘I hear you’re the new Indian coach.’ I hadn’t even accepted the job yet! 08 thislife | issue 5

Once I joined the Indian team, my main tactic was to try to be an example in who I was as a person. It was important for me to connect with the players, and come to understand their culture and each one of them as an individual. I needed first to build their trust in order to have any significant influence on them, and then help them understand the value of playing as a team. I tried to encourage them to see that there was value to the guy who brought them their tea in the change room. If I carried one of their bags, they were blown away ‘Debs is very good when she sees I am nowhere,’ says Gary – even embarrassed! I tried to be very real with the players The death last year of a well-known Cape and just take the job one day at a time. Just Town doctor, Johnny Marr, with such a short get into a daily process of showing them how time between his cancer diagnosis and his to be. I didn’t boss them about being late. I death, had a profound impact on me. I knew just made sure I was the first to arrive and the him from university, and it was a big wake-up last to leave. There’s a great line in the movie call of how this life can be taken from us. It Rambo when someone asks: ‘How are you was a phenomenal experience at his memorial going to live, John?’ Rambo answers: ‘Day by service to hear how he had seen God through day.’ That’s all I could do, too. his suffering and pain, and had experienced picture courtesy of LoveLife Photography

of prayer that night. I said, ‘God, do what you want to do with tomorrow, take control, I don’t think I have anything to offer.’ When I walked out the next day, I thought this would be the last day of my international career – I had relinquished it all to God. But something happened. The first ball hit the middle of the bat and went to the boundary for four. And so it went on. To cut a long story short, I ended up batting for 14 hours, the second longest period in test history. It saved the test match, we won the series, and it saved my career. I played for another five years. I tell this story not because it’s about God resurrecting my career, but because I came to the point where I realised that this talent and this life are God’s, not mine. He’s in control, not me. It was a great step for me, learning to offer every area of my life to Him.

Professional cricket is not at all geared to family life. There were times when I wouldn’t get home for four or five months, which forced the family into a very hectic life of travel to and from India. Cricket has the highest divorce rate of all, maybe because you don’t have a home base like other international teams. One of the struggles we had from a family perspective was that I felt the team and the job demanded huge amounts of my mental, physical and emotional energy. I wanted to connect with them on every level, and knew as a leader you can’t compromise yourself, so that was hard for us as a family. Even though Debs and I saw each other quite often, amidst the stresses, pressure and crazy lifestyle it was often hard to have meaningful connections. When we won the World Cup in 2011, the next thing I knew, the players were holding me up on their shoulders. To be honest, I felt a little uncomfortable. I never thought I would push their buttons to become the best cricket team in the world. They had a new young captain who was very vibrant and he was a big factor in the equation. When I left India, I could not believe how drained I felt, even though I was in good physical condition. I hadn’t realised how much it had taken out of me mentally and emotionally. But what a privileged experience it was, and it has left me with many cherished memories and life lessons.

Him as real to the end. I also realised I must be diligent in my health checkups – and we have started drinking green tea! I realise I want to wake up every day knowing that I have the opportunity to add value to people’s lives. I would also like to encourage people to explore a relationship with Jesus – it has most certainly changed my life and can change theirs. I am also completely convinced I am not prepared to spend another day on this earth without God at the centre of my life. I want to relinquish every area of my life to Him and all my decision-making. My experience of Christianity is that it’s not so much about a set of rules, rather it’s about a relationship with Jesus and the incredibly fulfilling life that this can bring. The more I understand this, the more I see value in what I can be as a person. I’m very excited about my new appointment as the South African coach. I see this opportunity as a massive privilege and hopefully I can make a real difference to many of the players’ lives. Essentially, I see authentic coaching as focusing on their lives and dealing with their issues.’

mylife

! WIshN irt signed

A Proteary Kirsten. by Ga KET MS CRIC2. S ly p im S 02 702 to 072 8 tion ends ti e Comp h 2012 19 Marc

DEBORAH

was very fortunate to grow up in an incredible Christian home, as opposed to a ‘religious’ home with big rules and regulations. A relationship with Christ was the most natural way of life and living and - despite doing the usual naughty teenage things - I had always felt an accountability to something bigger than just my parents. But in my early varsity years, I found myself in a relationship that became quite destructive and while I felt God saying, ‘This is not right for you,’ I just couldn’t walk away from it. My fellowship with other Christians and even my church attendance became quite sporadic and I knew I was compromising who I essentially was, and had been brought up to be. Things culminated in a car accident. I went through the windscreen when my boyfriend was driving and smashed my face up. I sat in the hospital with the prospect of not having much of a face left, realising I had put my boyfriend in the driving seat of my life, literally and figuratively, and that when you replace God with someone, things go wrong. CS Lewis said, ‘Pain is God’s megaphone to rouse a deaf world,’ and the trauma of that night

and you can only see one or two small scars if you look very closely. Soon after this, I met Gary. I avoided his calls for weeks. I was very wary of the rumours and reputations surrounding international sportsmen. But after three weeks of his pestering, I said, ‘Okay, let’s go on a date’. I also had a lot of pressure from the guys I was sharing digs with, who kept saying, ‘What are you doing? You can’t turn down Gary Kirsten!’ Win or lose, Gary has incredible humility, and that’s probably what made me fall for him. I could see how he was in demand for a photo or an autograph wherever we went, and it was quite a crazy life to come into, but I saw there was something deeply genuine about his heart and who he was. We got married four years later. The Indian coaching job came out of the blue. He had so little coaching experience that I thought he had made a mistake about which team it was for. I said, ‘Gary, are you sure the job’s with the national team?’ The separation was very tough from a family perspective. South Africa’s not an easy place to live on your own. My parents live in KZN and Gary’s mother, who lived locally and was fantastic with the kids, died very suddenly of cancer shortly after the Indian job started. Gary’s step-dad often helped with the boys and my friends were a great support to me, and I just had to be very confident and independent. We established a 21-day rule that if Gary couldn’t come home, after three weeks I would go to him with the kids. So we were pretty much on the road every alternate month. I think if we hadn’t done that, things would have become quite destructive. Gary definitely broke new ground - I don’t think there has ever been an agreement before for a coach’s family to be with him so much. Even so, it wasn’t easy. Gary was amazing.

Happy days in Mumbai. The Kirstens broke new ground for international cricket coaches by asking for more family time certainly got me listening! I realised how life had been pretty easy for me, and that I might never be able to use what looks I had to get me anywhere again. If all the props are taken from you, what are you left with? Only God. I made a decision to put God 100% back in the driving seat and soon after that I ended the relationship. Miraculously, my face did recover

I couldn’t walk away Joshua was four and James was nine months old when he started the Indian job. He would walk into our hotel bedroom full of chaos, with me making two-minute noodles for the kids in a kettle, and he’d be relaxed even though he had an international team to prepare. I think Gary showed a way to be a husband and father, with a high value on his wife and children, that was quite unusual for the team to see. When India won the World Cup, it was a fairytale ending to an incredible experience, and we feel very blessed in this, but we came home both emotionally and physically drained! This new South African coaching job is not going to be easy for us, especially with our new baby. We had a real dilemma about it. We’d all had three crazy years on the road and wanted to settle into a bit of quiet home life. I resisted it a lot! But Gary’s mantra for the family is ‘Always live on the edge of your comfort zone’, and we had a deep sense that this is where God wanted Gary to be. If we’re at the centre of God’s will, we know we’re in the right place. Gary has negotiated a more flexible contract, and hopes to rotate the coaching staff a bit to allow more family time. It’s going to be a juggling act, and we’ll have to pray our way through it day by day and keep God in the driving seat of our lives. What I mean by that is repeatedly turning to Him for guidance and support. It seems to me that whether we were brought up to know God or not, there comes a point when we all have to ask ourselves: Am

I going to give God a chance to steer the ship, or am I going to keep doing it my way? People have such fear that if they give

things over to God they will have to change, but the amazing thing is that He changes us from the inside so that we actually want to change! It’s not forced, it’s like He’s a master potter gently moulding us.

For me personally, my faith gives a sense of deep peace about my life. Whatever is going on in my life, to get up every day and go to bed with this unsurpassable peace is priceless. It gives meaning beyond everything else!’

this page proudly sponsored by the St Leger Retirement Hotel, Muizenberg (www.retirementhotel.co.za) or 021 709 6200 thislife | issue 5

photomoment Check out the winning entries in our ‘say cheese’ photo competition

RUNNER UP ‘Could I have some chips instead?’ by Sylvia Stieger, Wynberg

N I W oot by h s a photo Tred blackDO1500! R worth

Win an hour’s photoshoot for an individual or a group (max 5 people) by blackDOTred Photography (www.blackdotred.co.za), with all photos supplied on disc for you to print. The winning picture will also be printed in our next issue. More than one picture may be entered. How to enter: mail to thislifemag@gmail.com any hi-res pic (300 dpi) you have taken yourself that’s funny/striking/vibey/uplifting. Alternatively, drop off a disc at the parish office (see p2 for where). Picture must be in portrait layout format (not landscape)

10 thislife | issue 5

photomoment

WINNER ‘Don’t step on my shoes’ by Anna Fothergill, Bath, England this page proudly sponsored by the Wilson family, USA: Mike & Barbara Wilson of Buffalo, Helen Wilson of Detroit and Liz Wilson of Oklahoma City thislife | issue 5

reallife

living more

lightly

oss giving you too much work? Spouse feel demanding? Elderly parents unrealistic in their expectations? Or maybe your daughter wants you to look after her tantruming toddler just a little too often? Whether we realise it or not, many

of us struggle to say no because we fear the consequences. But Boundaries, a course run by Christ Church, Kenilworth, for over 10 years, has helped a wide variety of South Africans live more freely and lightly, and bring balance and respect back into their relationships. Here, three Capetonians comment on how the course helped them

Living more lightly since putting up boundaries: Grant, Ruth and Tjakie

Tjakie Naude is a professor of private law at the University of Cape Town. She lives with her four-year-old daughter in Rondebosch

signed up for the Boundaries course at Christ Church in May last year because I had already attended a divorce recovery course there, and realised the church’s courses were excellent. I realised I had ‘boundary issues’ when my neighbour, a psychologist, diagnosed me as a ‘pathological accommodator’ in some areas of my private life! I also hoped the course would be good management training as I had just become head of my department at UCT. We met every Monday evening for eight weeks, and spent part of the time watching a video by two Christian psychologists who discussed typical boundary issues and other topics, such as external and internal resistance to boundaries. We also split into smaller groups to share and reflect on such issues in our own lives.

12 thislife | issue 5

reallife

What struck me is that though the course is biblically-based, it emphasises that you must not always be the ‘other-person-centred suffering servant’: God wants us to put up appropriate boundaries! I realised I had let some people walk all over me in certain areas of my life, and that I needed to protect what the course calls your emotional ‘treasures’ essentially, your feelings, attitudes and beliefs. Since I did the course, my neighbour agrees that I am still an accommodator, but no longer a pathological one! I assert myself at work where I need to. The course also helped me, as a mother, to show my daughter there are certain boundaries she just must not cross. She is also naturally accommodating, and the course has enabled me to teach her how to protect herself in an appropriate, loving way. The course emphasises that accommodating unacceptable behaviour is not only unhealthy for you, but for the other person involved too. If they are always rescued from the natural consequences of their behaviour, this enables the cycle to continue. I’ve learnt a healthy assertiveness, but also how to be proactive about my boundaries and relationships, not just reactive. I think I am now aware of the danger of slipping back into old patterns and feel that if I got into a romantic relationship again, I would do things differently there too’.

Grant Munro, 45, is a shoe manufacturer. He has three children and lives in Bergvliet

felt having poor boundaries had contributed to the failure of my marriage, so I signed up for the Boundaries course as an attempt to understand and learn from the pain of my divorce. The fee is super-cheap and only covers actual costs. I attended one evening a week for eight weeks.

I liked the mixed format of work-shopping ideas and experiences in a group, plus being exposed to theory on a DVD by psychologists, even though their style was a bit dated! This was both practical and informative, and the members of my group were able to support each other in growth and change.   The course has raised my consciousness of what is okay and what is not okay, although as with faith in God, it has to be lived out to achieve its true potential. This is much more difficult because so many of my habits have to be unlearned, which takes time. And, of course, some people accept boundaries better than others, which means I can’t expect to introduce a whole new way of being overnight without experiencing resistance from friends and family! I think that most of us inherit a set of values from our parents which are instilled in us at an early age – some good and some bad. The course allows you to hold these values up to a template of ‘right’ values and habits, and to discard or accept each one. As we start to live more congruently with ‘right’ values, our lives become more manageable and peaceful – although not initially. This is not an instant panacea and takes time and hard work!’

I was running around doing things for people that I didn’t want to do I thought that was good as I’m inclined to be very quick with advice myself! It was always nice to get together with the group. It was small - about six or eight people - which was comfortable as you didn’t feel intimidated. I didn’t know anyone when I started, but there was a nice vibe. It was useful to chat and listen to other people - you pick up helpful things. One of the things I took away from the course was that you must let other people have their own boundaries, and not expect them to behave in a certain way. This helped as my children grew up. I also learnt to stand up for myself and not feel guilty about it. I don’t consciously go around thinking ‘I’ve done the course, and I must put up boundaries here or here or here’. But I do now put them up. Thanks to the course, I think it’s become a bit like second nature to me’.

Ruth Pillay, 64, is a retired teacher. She has three children and one grandson, and lives in Grassy Park

attended the Boundaries course nearly 10 years ago. I found myself running around doing things for people that I didn’t really want to do so I decided to find out what the course was all about. We met at our facilitator’s house in Rondebosch once a week in the mornings. There were certain ground rules, such as you’re not allowed to give other people advice.

WIN!

A R300 bouque t fr T (www.the Rose Café om herose cafe.c deliver your ched to recipieno.za), oice! S t imply s of ROSE ms C 072 80 AFE to 2 7022 to ente r

The Boundaries course is run intermittently throughout the year by Christ Church, Kenilworth, both mornings and evenings

WHO’S IT FOR? ‘Everyone,’ says course co-ordinator Pam

Paterson. ‘So many relationship issues are linked to boundaries and it’s only when you start looking at them in a certain way that you start to realise this.’

Judy Everingham, who facilitates the morning Boundaries course, says it is similar in some ways to a life skills course. ‘It focuses on understanding ourselves, our motives and others better. It enables

you to live more freely and lightly, without comparing yourself to others. We encourage everyone to attend, whether churchgoers or not.’ In 2012, the first evening course starts Monday 30 January and the first morning course on Wednesday 25 January. Cost: R250 (bursaries available if cost is an issue). For further info, contact Sue Penzhorn on sue@christ-church.org.za or 021 797 6332

this page proudly sponsored by Grapevine Interactive, mobile marketing specialists www.grapevinegroup.co.za contact Neil Hutchinson on 021 702 3333 or neil@vine.co.za thislife | issue 5

Q&Aagony

Got agony isan sue? E

mail Les ly for advic lesly.uys e at @gm All email ail.com treated in s will be the str confiden ictest ce

How to...

get what you WANT

(without being a brat)

I’m a happy person and in general have good relationships with people. However, there are a few I’m not happy with. The most painful is with my son, who takes forever to reply to my phone calls and emails, and seems to put me at the bottom of his to-do list. We get on well when we see each other but I feel he makes little effort unless he wants a favour, like having his children to stay. Should I just bite my tongue and keep the peace?

Most of us have one or two relationships which could do with a little spring cleaning. In some situations which don’t affect you much emotionally, it can be wise just to bite your tongue. However, the trouble with keeping the peace and doing nothing is that it always comes out sideways - like the guy who is unfairly criticised by his boss, then comes home and takes it out on his wife.

Given the right tools, most of us are capable of tweaking a relationship for the better. We need first to admit to our own feelings, then control them and motivate ourselves to do something to improve the situation. Improving your emotional intelligence (EQ) can help. If you can let go of old behaviour and thinking patterns, you can significantly improve your relationships. Self-knowledge is vital for healthy relationships. Do you really know what is important to you - and where you yourself are acting in a lessthan-perfect manner? Try these three steps to self-knowledge…

Most relationships can be transformed, says Rev Dr Lesly Uys (therapeutic and pastoral counsellor, Rondebosch)

Blundering brat or emotional Einstein? The choice is yours

3 WAYS TO KICKSTART YOUR EQ 1. Remember you always have a choice of how to be in a relationship, and your relationships reflect those choices. Ask yourself: are my relationships giving me satisfaction? If not, what can I start to work on? 2. Be prepared for the fact that learning and growing in emotional stature is a lifelong process. The more you learn about yourself and life, the more you will realise how little

Doing it the ‘I

you know. If you are elderly, don’t use this as an excuse - it is NEVER too late to improve things, and this is probably the most important time to restore relationships. 3. Take time out to think, feel and learn from past experiences. Listen to your inner wisdom and take a good, hard look at your motives and behaviour. Why isn’t your son contacting you? Are you no fun? Could you be making

feel’ way

Now that you’re a little clearer about your own behaviour and what your goal is, you are ready to ask for what you want! When you’re ready, follow this dialogue pattern and ask for what you want in a calm and centred way. This I feel model is a great tool for dealing with possible conflict situations and helping you respond effectively and assertively, but not aggressively. • I feel ________angry, hurt, frustrated, lonely, let down, irritated, etc • When you _____drink, shut me out, interrupt me, don’t listen to me, etc • Because _______we don’t communicate, I’m left out, you don’t respond to my calls, etc • I would like it if _________ we listened to each other, you gave me a chance to explain, you changed your behaviour • How do you feel about what I said? 14 thislife | issue 5

him feel he is never good/attentive enough for you? Do you talk at him about your life rather than asking him about himself, and ideally delving deeper into how he feels about his job/ troublesome teens/divorce? If so, do something about the way you are with him. If he is just plain selfish and behaves like this with the whole family, he needs a gentle wake-up call!

The I feel model works for many situations. To the mother hurting because her son hardly contacts her, I would suggest finding a quiet spot to say the following, maybe over a cup of tea! ‘Pete, I would like to chat to you about something that’s been bugging me lately.

I feel… frustrated and when you… take so long

hurt

to respond to my emails and phone calls because… I know you check your emails daily and it hurts when you don’t call back in future… please could you let me know what’s

going on, and maybe even take the initiative to make contact from time to time? HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT MY REQUEST?’ If Pete responds negatively, stay calm and say something like: ‘Pete, I just wanted to let you know how I feel.’ If you can stay unaggressive and unemotional, the chances are that your request will filter through and affect his behaviour over time. If things do

escalate into a row, just calmly repeat yourself and say: ‘Pete, I just wanted to let you know how I feel. Perhaps we can both think about it some more and discuss it when we’re feeling more relaxed.’ Don’t forget to apologise if you overstep the mark in the heat of the moment.

GOOD LUCK!

A series highlighting the varied activities of people in St John’s Parish, Wynberg (www.stjohns.org.za)

coolstories

Mr Breadman

spotlight on... Clive Kolbe (67)

Sandwiches for schoolchildren: assisted by his wife Lorna and right-hand man Mervin, Clive Kolbe delivers sustenance and hope to vulnerable schoolchildren

was retrenched after a lifetime in printing 11 years ago, and felt very despondent. My daughter said ‘Dad, what are you going to do?’ and I said ‘Tracy, I’ve no idea’. She suggested I coach cricket as I had played for Western Province years earlier, and I offered my services to a school in Lavender Hill. The principal said, ‘Thanks very much but the children can’t play on an empty stomach.’ I was dumbstruck. I visited more schools and the principals all sang the same tune: children can’t play without food. That night I couldn’t eat my supper. Shortly afterwards, I was with my six brothers and sisters. I told them what the principals had said, and my late brother Malcolm put R50 on the table, saying, ‘Go and buy bread for the children’. In no time at all, there was R850 on the table. The next Monday, I took 25 loaves of bread to two schools in Lavender Hill. Shortly afterwards, other schools asked us to help them, so we held a bingo evening and raised R5,000. A week later we got a call from a pharmaceutical company: a staff member had motivated them to match what we had raised rand for rand. I was

totally shocked. We’ve grown and grown, and now, 11 years later, we take bread to 15 schools, fishermen in Fish Hoek and Muizenberg, and a crèche in Stellenbosch. I get up at 5.30 on Monday morning, and go with Mervin, my right-hand man, to Sasko Bakeries for 800 top quality loaves, the best of bread, and I deliver them during the week. The schools put their own fillings into the sandwiches, which the education department supplies - usually jam and peanut butter. I particularly remember the seventh school we adopted. The headmaster called me for help as one of his mothers had just tried to drown herself and her children in Hout Bay harbour because she had no food to give them. Early on, I felt defeated coming face to face with so much poverty, and in 2007 I was going to throw in the towel because I could no longer afford the petrol for deliveries. My neighbour heard about this and contacted her company, which not only sponsored our petrol but gave us a bakkie too! This took such a load off our shoulders. We have been so blessed by sponsorship. It has enabled us to give some children raincoats because in winter many sit

drenched in class all day long. We also help with school fees in desperate situations. They’re only R200 a year but some parents can’t manage even this, and the children stay away because they are embarrassed. At Christmas we give party packs to every child, and were very moved when we saw a little girl suck a sweet, then put it back in the wrapper. She said she wanted to save it because she didn’t know when she would next get sweets.

children can’t play without food We are now registered as Not for Profit and Lorna, my pillar of strength, does the books fastidiously - she’s always on at me for receipts! Only Mervin, who works for us one day a week, gets paid. The thing I like most about this is when a child says ‘Môre, Mnr Broodman [Morning, Mr Breadman]’, and smiles at me. I cannot save the world from hunger but I can make a contribution. And the smile on a child’s face - that’s my joy.’

this page proudly sponsored by Power Smart Solutions - geyser management systems/solar geysers/heat pumps contact Gerwyn Wilsnagh on 082 859 6968 / 021 762 2573 or geyserwise@gmail.com thislife | issue 5 15

sportymoment

Surfers

Davey and Benji Brand are a South African PHENOMENON. With a string of international medals to his name, Davey is currently captain of the South African national team. Benji also surfs in the SA squad, and is rated by many international coaches as the most promising surfer in his age group in the world The brothers live in Kommetjie but have spent great chunks of their teenage years in Hawaii, and have travelled extensively to compete in the worldâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s elite surfing competitions. When at home, they attend schools in Constantia and Hout Bay. Here they offer thislife a glimpse of life in the barrelâ&#x20AC;Ś

Champion surfers Davey and Benji Brand: believing can be hard

Benji, Hawaii, 2010

Davey, Peru, 2011 16 thislife | issue 5

WIN!

A Surfsk i in 2 at Varstro session for ity Colleg Surfskis e champio chool, run by su n rfski D a w id SURFSK I to 072 Mocke. Sms 8 02 7022 enter. Co to mpe 19 Marc tition ends h 2012

sportymoment

Benji (16)

Chocolate or gummy sweets? Gummy sweets

Health smoothie or milkshake? Smoothie

Best sporting moment?

Winning the U14s in Australia’s top junior surfing contest, the Rusty Gromfest

Why surfing?

It’s a beautiful thing to do and I connect with God when I surf

Ultimate comfort food?

SPAGHETTI BOLOGNAISE WITH BROCCOLI AND HOLLANDAISE SAUCE

Why God?

He makes sense of everything

Make me president and I’d…

Tell the truth and build houses for the poor

One thing not a lot of people know about surfing is…. What it feels like to be inside a barrel. Indescribable

One thing not a lot of people know about Benji Brand is… I love to look for shells

waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging)

I really should stop…

Hardest thing you ever had to do and how you coped with it?

Not surfing for two months when I broke my foot recently at the Western Province trials, and then still not being able to surf the way I used to because it is still so painful and swollen. I hold on to my belief that ‘God is healer and awesome in power’. My feelings on this are mixed because I am right in the middle of this and it is such a struggle. Some days I feel it will never come right and it is hard to keep believing. I know God has His hand on me, and I am trusting that good is going to come of this. Maybe when I’m through it I will have some wise words to share

Best spiritual read/thought/ quote?

Psalm 46:1-3 (God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its

Chewing my nails

People who’ve inspired me are…

Jesus because he loves the weak, and his love is gentle, kind and patient. World champion surfer Kelly Slater because he has such ocean intelligence and surfs for the love of it, not money

How do you relax?

Reading a book with a bowl of chicken soup by the fire

How does Davey drive you mad?

He drives me crazy when he is stubborn and has to have the last word

What do you like most about Davey? He always includes me in everything he does, and makes me laugh a lot

Davey (19) Chocolate or gummy sweets? Chocolate

Health smoothie or milkshake? Smoothie

Most irritating habit in self? Clicking my fingers

Most irritating habit in others? Being on their phones during movies!

Best sporting moment?

Standing on the podium in the world junior finals in 2009 and 2011, where I came third each time

Worst sporting moment?

Prolapsing my L4 disk in 2008, six weeks before I was due to surf for South Africa in France

Why surfing?

It expresses me best

Why God?

He put inside us a deep desire to want to know and worship Him

Any other sports you love?

Soccer. I play for my local Kommetjie team

Best spiritual thought?

Psalm 3 plus Jeremiah 29, 11-13 (‘For

know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart’)

Make me president and I’d…

Rule with the Bible as my guideline, build houses for the poor

Connecting with God? Worship songs in church

Hardest thing you ever had to do and how you coped with it?

I’ve had quite a few injury setbacks but I think the hardest thing I’ve had to do was accepting Christ into my sports career because it seemed like every time I put my faith in him before a contest and gave glory to him, I’d lose. For a time I felt like God made it so much harder for Christians. I’d see my peers going out and drinking before contests and ending up winning, and I was losing. I guess at the time I really didn’t see the bigger picture and that in

the greater scheme of things Jesus still loved me, and no one would remember who won some competition in three years’ time. What really helped was surrendering myself completely to God with my surfing because, win or lose, I still knew I was just as loved by Him

I really should stop…

LOSING PATIENCE WITH PEOPLE WHO TAKE A LONG TIME TO GET READY TO SURF

People who’ve inspired me are…

Eric Liddell (from the film Chariots of Fire) inspired me by his pure determination, and love for God and his sport. I also hugely admire the sacrifices he had to make, like not running on a Sunday in the Olympics. He clearly had a greater purpose in life than just running, and that encourages me

How does Benji drive you mad? It drives me crazy that he takes so long to make any decision

What do you like most about Benji? I really admire the incredible wisdom he has at such a young age. I also love his easy-going, carefree nature

this page proudly sponsored by Dorrington Jessop Incorporated Attorneys contact Barry Jessop: barry@dorringtonjessop.co.za thislife | issue 5 17

teenlife kelly writes... WONDERING HOW TO AVOID STRESS? Call me a drama queen but I used to think that to find inner peace I needed to run away to a desert island, far away from the city’s hustle and bustle, and dress in nothing but white linen.

Obviously, ridiculous. So many things can wrack a teen’s nerves. An obvious is schoolwork and exams. School life in 2011 has almost become a full-time job, not to mention getting home and having to do homework as well! I once landed up in hospital from the stress of a maths exam...!

!ift card N I W g s y Ja 50 Jay by

red sponsol Coach cc™ ancia The FinSimply sms RD to GIFTCA2 7022 072 80 nter to e

top

getting practical:

stress-busters

• Planning and forward-thinking is key! For school, diarising everything gives you time for all your tasks. Make sure you leave space for rest and fun - breaks are essential for a clear mind, so you can work to the best of your ability • If you feel too much is expected of you, speak out and set practical goals. Make

those around aware of your abilities and your inabilities so they know what to expect from you, especially when it comes to parents. This stops you being pressurised into what is beyond you. Believe it or not, parents can actually help when it comes to dealing with tension as they’ve had more experience of it. Speak up! Let them know how you are feeling. They may surprise you and take pity on you • Getting

involved in something worthwhile that will benefit someone apart from your-

self can help too. Something like community work can make you realise your importance on earth, and give you a sense of accomplishment • Friendship issues can be tricky. Pride can get in the way and you end up losing a friend over a silly argument. Try making a joke out of it. If you have to make the first move towards reconciliation, say something like, ‘Are we really gonna fight all summer while the sun has so much baking to do?’ Most likely your friend will find it funny and you will both have a good laugh over it in the future. If it’s something quite serious, sit down and talk it through

body needs to RELAAAAX every now and then. The Bible says that in repent-

• Your

ance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength (Isaiah 30:15). So chill and release some of the pressure from your day

Stress also comes from worrying. Young people often crumble while trying to reach goals and expectations that are often unreachable and sometimes unimportant. These expectations can be set by teachers, parents, peers - and even ourselves. Time (or lack of it) can cause major strain. Teachers pile on the work when it comes to exams because deadlines have to be met. What they don’t realise is, not everyone can cope under pressure. Even being part of a group of friends can be stressful at times, especially when teens don’t know where they stand or fit in. I once became very withdrawn when a friend and I had an argument. Being kept out of the loop is SOOOO heart-wrenching. Freelance writer Kelly Pluke works as an editorial assistant in a media company. She likes music and shopping. She dislikes peas.

Stressed? Me?

stress model above, fight stress? ‘Sometimes I become so stressed that I laugh uncontrollably! What gets me is when everyone shouts at me for no reason and I have projects, schoolwork, sport, piano lessons and youth to attend. I deal with it by listening to music and being with friends. I also pray about it so that I don’t say anything I’ll regret. It’s quite cool to do that.’

How does Kirsten, our real life

It’s an old cliché but it’s true: doing something completely different can magic away your stress by giving you something else to think about and new friends to do things with. Plus, helping others feels GOOD! These local teens from Ambies youth group recently spent a few days at Sweet Home Farm, a vulnerable community in Cape Town, fixing roofs, clearing fields and running a crèche and kids’ club

Check out their Facebook page on http://www.facebook.com/pages/Ambies/198574320187824 and contact Andrew Vaughan on 021 797 6332 or andrew@christ-church.org.za if you’re interested in coming along next time. Bring a friend if you like. You don’t need to be a churchgoer to join in! 18 thislife | issue 5

vintagelife We asked some local senior citizens for the piece of advice they would most like to pass on to the next generation. Retired schoolteacher, mother and grandmother Mary Holgate was one of them. We anticipated two or three sentences, but who could resist this letter from the heart?

Dear Daniel and Ethan,

ou may not understand all I write now, but I hope that in years to come you will remember some of this, and that it will be helpful.

Here are my top practical tips in life… • Never pick your nose in public! • Eat everything on your plate if you want to grow strong – don’t hide the peas, they might turn up for breakfast! • ‘Thank you’ is important. It is always appreciated. • If Mom and Dad give you a hard time, remember, all parents are learners just like you!

ow for the more important stuff. Life is made up of choices. Every day of your life you will be making life-determining choices for you, and for those who are part of your life-journey. These may be simple habit-forming choices like ‘What shall I have for breakfast?’ or important choices like ‘What career shall I go into?’ Others may advise you, but ultimately the decisions are yours. Therefore, as much as you are able, choose wisely.

‘Be a good listener but never pick your nose in public!’, Mary Holgate advises grandsons Ethan and Daniel

In some cases, it will take all your courage, determination and energy to make wise choices and stand by them. BUT YOU CAN DO IT! GO FOR IT! Things worth striving for may mean swimming against the stream of popular opinion, they may be unacknowledged by others around us, but in the end you’ll have a great sense of satisfaction. It’s that sort of thing that makes us strong within ourselves. Be big enough to take responsibility for those choices. You’ll find they won’t always work out as you’d hoped. But enjoy the good things, and be open to learn from the disappointments. Accept that sadness, difficulties and injustice (not necessarily through any fault of your own) will always be part of your journey. Mistakes you will make - we all do! Just be willing to admit these mistakes. If need be, ask for help from others who’ve travelled further down the road of life. Every mistake is an opportunity to grow. Never be afraid of failing, but rather see failure as a plus: a new start lies ahead. Learn through it all - and move on. You’re not alone in your efforts. We all find it tough to accept correction and learn from others! Talking of mistakes reminds me of an embarrassing moment in Grade 5 when I made a silly mistake in Afrikaans. The teacher and class roared with laughter while I felt humiliated and angry, went red and got tears in my eyes. I wanted to disappear! To make matters worse, my teacher made me sit on her lap for the rest of the lesson. Apparently trying to make me feel better! Yuck! Choosing in life will mean sometimes having to say sorry. That’s not easy! No-one likes to appear wrong in the eyes of others, or even themselves. But if you can say it sincerely, people will value your honesty. How hard I found it to say sorry when I was your age. If I refused to, Grandpa always infuriated me by saying, ‘Come on Applecheeks, say sorry and turn up that smile!’ The last thing I felt like doing was just that - inside I was angry! But he always persisted and I somehow ended up having a giggle and cooling down. I guess I have to ‘forgive’ him for that! Talking of forgiveness, it’s so important to forgive as we take knocks in life. Forgive others, and readily forgive yourself. If you truly forgive, you can move on with a lighter heart and focus on the future. Learn to laugh at yourself. Don’t always take life seriously. A good chuckle can be a real tonic. In friendships, be a life-builder, not a life-drainer. Most people value a good listener, something we all could practise more often! Reach out with encouragement and love to those around you, especially those who are less fortunate. Maybe you can remember times when you longed for someone to love and encourage you? Try doing it for others. It could even come back as a happy boomerang. The greatest choice you can make will be to live life God’s way. He made you, and knows just how we all tick! Remember, He loves us even with our flaws!

Love You Lots! Gran

WIN!

Brea value o kfast for 2 to Coffee f R100 at Sta the Simply Shop, Claremrlings to 072 sms STARL ont. INGS 802 You mu7022 to ente r. st plus to be 60 this prizwin e!

thislife | issue 5

thoughtlife

I wish I was an alcoholic why

Philip Yancey on emotional outbursts, the illusion of control, and what the church can learn from addicts

ward-winning journalist and author Philip Yancey has been called the most inspirational spiritual writer of our day. An explorer of paradox and creator of many a surprise conclusion, he constantly seeks spiritual truth and does not pull his punches when it comes to the organised church His latest book is What good is God? and he has personally granted thislife permission to publish the following excerpts from it, taken from a talk he gave to a group of alcoholics in Chicago

he word sin rarely comes up in polite society anymore, and even your recovery groups may avoid the word with its slithery connotations. Nevertheless, alcoholics and other addicts have taught me about the nature of sin. When you met in groups this morning you introduced yourselves by saying, ”Hi, I’m John and I’m an alcoholic,” and “Hi, I’m Maria and I’m a cocaine addict.” If someone had said, “I’m John and I used to be an alcoholic but I’ve been cured,” the group would have jumped all over him. Twelve Step groups insist on the perilous use of the present tense. Alcoholics are not “cured”, they simply stop drinking: addicts are recovering, not recovered. Always an alcoholic remains one drink

20 thislife | issue 5

away from sliding back towards ruin, one lurch away from falling off the wagon. You have a sympathiser in the apostle Paul, who wrote to Timothy, “Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners – of whom I am the worst.” Note the present tense, employed by someone who knew Greek grammar. Paul, the world’s best missionary and author of a fair portion of the New Testament, knew that he too stood on the edge of a moral precipice. He battled his own set of temptations – boastful pride, and impatience with slow learners, a sense of moral superiority – which we tend to view with more tolerance. After all, Paul was brilliant and

thoughtlife

People who know they drink too much have much to teach the church, says Philip Yancey

demanding and high-principled, and those very qualities helped him change the world.

momentary high As Paul makes clear in his letter to the Romans, however, the more “respectable” sins may cause more damage than the ones that society disdains. Moral superiority led him to assist in the stoning of Stephen [a follower of Jesus], a memory that may have weighed on him as he wrote to Timothy. Recovery groups cut apart our artificial grouping of sins and force us to, in the words of Step Five, “admit to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs”… I know a lifelong bachelor who has a pornography addiction. Due to diabetes he has lost all vision in one eye and 90 percent in the other. He lives in a cluttered, filthy house and rarely ventures outdoors. With his few remaining teeth he eats whatever the Meals on Wheels social programme delivers to his house each day. To save money on fuel bills in the winter, he bundles up in a down jacket and pulls a stocking cap over his head. Despite his poverty he spends much of his Social Security cheque on X-rated pornography. Every night he drags his chair very close to the television monitor, fumbles to insert a DVD, and holds up a large magnifying glass to scrutinise the naked bodies onscreen. I am quite sure that is not what God had in mind when He bestowed the subtle gift of human sexuality. We need more than our own wisdom to manage the gifts God has given. We need a Higher Power to re-order our desires. The pixels of paid actors digitised on-screen, the temporary escape of an alcoholic blackout, the momentary high of a cocaine party – all these disrupt the order of a good world given us to steward.

[Saint Augustine said] that evil passes your door first as a stranger, then enters as a guest, and finally installs itself as a master. You in this room know that downward spiral, and each of you could tell a story of the harm that results. This dark knowledge gives you a peculiar advantage, I believe, because many sincere church members live in a state of denial. Unlike you, they believe themselves immune to the destructive power of sin. Unlike Paul, they think of sin in the past tense… Some churches lead their members through prayers of repentance and many celebrate communion or the Eucharist or mass as a sacrament of confession and forgiveness. In my experience, though, few churches achieve the kind of contrition practised by those of you who attend addiction groups. Instead, many Christians emerge from church with a feeling of self-satisfied pride: Look at us.

We got up and went to church today instead of mowing the lawn or watching sporting events. In contrast, addicts leave their Twelve Step group mindful of their wrongs and also emboldened by an overpowering sense of God’s grace. The sayings posted on the wall express it well. One day at a time. Spiritual

progress, not perfection. Came, came to, came to believe. Let go and let God. Turn it over. There but for the grace of God go I….

Not long ago I sat by the bedside of a relative who had suffered a progressive stroke. One day while playing golf he began to experience blurry vision. A few days later his speech became garbled. Then he lost use of his right hand and arm. The next day he could no longer walk. When I arrived at the hospital and sat by his bedside, he lay immobile with a vacant, unfocused stare. Bit by bit his brain had shut down parts of his body, like a pilot shutting down the systems of an aeroplane. The MRI revealed three dead spots in his brain and a large at-risk section that covered almost a third of its surface. A neurosurgeon elected to perform a delicate procedure in which he removed a section of skull and redirected an artery from close to the scalp

down into the deeper brain. The post-surgery MRI revealed that the at-risk area was now perfused with blood, and functioning started to return. I could see a clear difference in his alertness within hours after the surgery. Over the next few weeks he gradually regained speech, as well as some use of his right leg and arm. Watching my relative gave me a vivid metaphor of sin and grace. That musty word sin simply labels those actions that bring us physical and spiritual harm; by abusing God’s good gifts we introduce something toxic into our souls. Allow sin to become an addiction and it will work serious damage, shutting down the potential for which we were made. Repentance removes the blockage and restores nourishment to the at-risk areas, releasing the vital, cleansing flow of God’s grace…

Many churchgoers live in denial In the gospel accounts, Jesus shows great compassion towards people who have fallen to the very bottom. He more than anyone understood institutional sins like racism and injustice, as well as the challenges faced by the disabled. Consistently, however, Jesus emphasises freedom, throwing responsibility back on the individual. “Do you want to be healed?” he asks, and only when a person answers yes does healing take place. God offers us not only the insight to see our true, forgiven state but also the power to realise that state… thislife | issue 5

thoughtlife

I think I’m in control [An alcoholic friend says] he has heard this comment in AA meetings, and has made it himself: “I know I have another drunk left in me. The problem is that I am afraid I don’t have another ‘sobering up’ left in me.” That image, a drunk and a sober person wrestling inside, summons up images of the Christian life I heard in childhood. Sunday school illustrations portrayed a hairy, scowling, Turkishlooking wrestler grappling with a clean-cut, Nordic blond wrestler inside a human heart. Sometimes the “carnal Christian” won, with the Turk pinning the Scandinavian to the mat, and sometimes the “spiritual Christian” ended up on top. That, said the teacher, represented the spiritual battles that take place inside each believer. Despite its ethnic crudity, the illustration reflects something of reality. The human person is complex and rarely does behaviour reduce to a single cause or explanation. As the civil rights leader W E B DuBois said about his race, in a formula that applies to all of us, “We are more than we seem.” I think I’m in control and then emotions surge up and catch me off guard. Therapy may help me identify some hidden parts of my personality, but other parts will always remain inaccessible: I may be unwittingly playing out unresolved issues from childhood, or acting out of a chemical imbalance. A business consultant I know describes what he calls the “person-as-company” model of human personality. “I operate much like the president of a company. My ‘company’ (my self) comprises many different ‘employees’ - meaning my feelings, impulses, genetic disposition, rational choices - who share the same facility, my body. As president, I may be responsible for the company, but I do not always have direct control over all the employees. I have an emotional outburst or make an impulsive decision and wonder how in the world that could have happened.” Just when I think I have myself - the company - under control, some employee spills coffee, shows up late for meetings, misses deadlines, and generally undermines what “I” work so hard to achieve. The company veers out of control, its very existence threatened. “I have another drunk in me, but do I have a sobering up?” the alcoholic asks. “I do not understand what I do,” says Paul. “For what I want to do I

do not do, but what I hate I do.” We are more than we seem. As Paul explains elsewhere, the Christian can tap in to additional resources. “I will not boast about myself, except about my weaknesses,” he tells the Corinthians. “I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” Following the analogy, you might say [spiritual] conversion invites a new director into the bankrupt company. With a large infusion of fresh capital he moves in onto a stable foundation and begins the long, slow work of creating unity and corporate health. Like any director, he succeeds not by imposing his will but by mobilising the members to join in a team effort. As the Twelve Steps express so well, that process involves a constant reliance on God and on others. Paradoxically, we best realise our freedom through dependence. Finally, I wish I was an alcoholic because I believe you have much to teach us about what the church can and should be. Some of the most spiritual addicts I know avoid church because they view it as a place for people who already have it together. Oh, my! I can think of far more entertaining ways to spend my Sunday mornings if I already have it together. I go to church as an expression of my need for God and for God’s family - the same reason you go to Twelve Step groups. So often, however, I leave with an empty feeling because church covers reality with a veneer of respectability. What have we done that we communicate church as a place for well people rather than a place to get well?

the need for outside help, asking God to remove defects of character, committing to make amends to all who have been harmed, seeking through prayer to improve contact with God, carrying this message of healing to others - the formula for Twelve Step groups comes straight from the pages of the Bible. Thanks to people like you, the rest of us need not become alcoholics or addicts to learn these lessons. We can look to you as our mentors in brokenness and apply what you have learned to our own lives. My friend George told me that when he first stumbled into an AA meeting on a bitterly cold night some 20 years ago, a group of total strangers welcomed him with open arms and told him to “keep coming back”. George had hit bottom, his life was a mess, and since nobody else was telling him that in those days, he accepted their invitation. George sometimes gets a different response from his church friends. “Aren’t you done with that issue yet?” they ask. And this is what George says: “I realise that for the rest of my life, I can go to AA meetings and nobody will ask me, ‘Aren’t you finished with all this talk about your alcoholism?’ They will just say, ‘Keep coming back - glad you could make it.’” May the church learn.’

veneer I have a hunch that if the watching world saw the church as a place that welcomes broken people for healing, it might have a greater impact than all our sophisticated outreach programmes put together. One of the seven Trappist monks martyred by terrorists in Algeria in 1996 described his calling in a way that can stand as a definition of the church: “A monk is simply a sinner who joins a community of sinners who are confident in God’s mercy and who strive to recognise their weaknesses in the presence of their brothers.” That could also stand as a description of your groups, as you seek to re-anchor the Twelve Steps in the biblical framework they came from. Acknowledging a broken relationship with God, accepting moral responsibility for failures, admitting powerlessness and

Available at www.kalahari.com at R184 want more yancey? go to www.philipyancey.com for further writing and video interviews

this page proudly sponsored by Redford Capital contact us at info@redfordcapital.co.za 22 thislife | issue 5

hotmedia

STUFF PEOPLE LOVE... Capetonians tell us what inspired them

IDN W VD! FER is th UR

Bonan

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a 6(elega excerp nt white combook pa t p and yo compilations act bible, bibck u t h , Classic for women le Story Trylinebook PLUS ‘ Children’s B, men G ’ journey, a book featu lory Beyond ible the s of rug ring th es by Lambie and ‘B greats such piritual east’ M a tawarirs Pat Simply a. sm to 072 s BONANZ A 802 to ente 7022 r

SMS S 22 Simply 72 802 70 to 0 er to ent onated d kindly (prize Nu Metro) by

Film: Soul Surfer Reviewed by Joshua Slingers, 13, schoolboy Where to get it: all leading DVD stores, from R160

friend of my father recommended this movie but I was reluctant as I don’t normally watch surfing films. However as soon as it started, I was engrossed. The film follows the true story of Bethany Hamilton who was born in Kauai, Hawaii to a family of surfers. Her life is going great. She qualifies for the national championships and gets sponsored by a top company. Then her life is turned upside down by a shark attack. What’s great is that the movie shows real adversity and how people can persevere through any situation, especially with the help of friends and family. I would recommend it to anyone going through a hard time, or who just wants to watch a good movie. It really does show that we “can do anything through Him who

gives [us] strength”.’

Music: 10,000 Reasons by Matt Redman Reviewed by Jono van Deventer, UCT engineering student Where to get it: : www.kalahari.com and Karmal Books, Bergvliet (021 713 0267), from R79

10,000 Reasons is Matt Redman’s eighth solo worship album, and arguably the best one yet. All Things Bright and Beautiful it is not. Pop/ rock in style, Redman’s music nonetheless appeals to all ages, ranging as it does from big rock anthems to more reflective songs. Recorded live amongst 1,000 worship leaders earlier this year, the album features 11 new songs. A line from the title track captures the entire album’s theme: “For all your goodness I will keep on singing; 10,000 reasons for my heart to find”.’

W IN this

Simply book! S to 072 MS ZACH 802 to ente 7022 r Book: He Loves Me! by Wayne Jacobson Reviewed by Jill Mathew, midwife Where to get it: Scripture Union bookshop, Rondebosch, 021 689 8334, and CUM bookshops (www.cum.co.za), from R110

f you’ve ever felt you’ve failed God, if your spiritual life feels more like performance than freedom, if you’ve ever wondered whether God really loves you… this book is for you. It’s about learning to live in the freedom of waking up each day feeling confident that God delights over me and you, just as a parent does over their child. The book also gave me a fresh understanding of the one incredible event in history that forever secures our place in God’s heart - the cross! Wayne Jacobsen writes with honesty and subtle humour, and is eminently readable. His illustrations give expression to commonlyfelt issues of guilt, shame or the burden of religion. The result for me was like the feeling of swimming in the rain - wonderfully freeing! I often return to this book to be reminded that Jesus looks beyond our failures, disappointments and fears, to invite us to experience the most powerful force in the universe: the depths of God’s love. This liberates and inspires me.’

Book: Be the change by Zach Hunter Reviewed by Jenna Joshua, 15, schoolgirl Where to get it: Exclusive Books website (www.exclus1ves.co.za), CUM bookshops (www.cum.co.za), Karmal Books, Bergvliet (021 713 0267), from R109

picked up this book because it’s different to what girls would usually read. I wanted to learn more about an issue not a lot of people know about, and that is slavery, which is still happening in modern society. I found it inspirational. Each chapter was dedicated to one specific topic, and made me think – I’m sure Zach Hunter wanted to challenge his readers. I also learnt a lot. Something that stuck with me is that I’m able to change the world, and free those that are chained. There’s a line in the book that I believe in: ‘God has a plan to help bring justice to the world and His plan is us’. That is absolutely TRUE! I, for one, would like to follow God’s plan and change the world!’ thislife | issue 5

WIN!

stickyissues

Sticky, stickier, stuck? Q: Why would I become a

Christian? Aren’t the worst hypocrites in church?

Q: Why do people do terrible things to other people, and how can we respond to this?

‘Yes, there are many hypocrites in church, just as in the outside world. Sadly, some Christians can be very quick to judge others. However, fortunately, Christianity does not stand or fall on the way Christians have acted throughout history or are acting today.

‘It seems to be a given that evil exists in the world. Maybe you don’t like the word evil but whatever word you use, we have to agree that people do terrible things to other people. Why is that? Could it be that something at the core of our humanity is broken?

Instead, Christianity stands or falls on the person of Jesus, who was not a hypocrite, lived consistently by what he taught, and challenged those who had lived with him night and day for three years to point out any hypocrisy in him. This they were unable to do.

The Bible says that we were created with the choice to do good, or to do evil. Let’s be honest - nobody knows how much evil we are capable of in the right setting. The root of this evil of people against other people is a broken relationship with God, a broken heart. We use our choice not to bless but to hurt and do wrong.

lifetime process When looking at the behaviour of Christians, it is important not to confuse hypocrisy with sin. In other words, all Christians are sinners but not all Christians are hypocrites! The world labours under the misconception that a Christian is a person who claims he does not sin, but the truth is that to call oneself a Christian is actually to admit to being a sinner, and to enter into a relationship with God in order to get support with this! This, however, is a lifetime process for us all and is usually a question of two steps forward, one step back! All believers, including the clergy, are fallible human beings prone to all types of sin. Just because a person isn’t perfect, it doesn’t mean he is a fraud. The distinction between the two is important. The failure of believers in all areas of their lives does not invalidate the truth of what they believe.

How quick we are to judge and stand in judgement of others - whether we are in the church or not! Fortunately, God lavishes His love, His mercy and grace on all, even the least of us, irrespective of who we are. Not because of who we are or whether we are ‘good’ or not, but because of who He is. This is a wonderful truth, which consistently liberates and brings joy.’ Answer by:

Amy Biehl’s parents are an example of how to respond in the face of evil. In 1994, Amy was beaten and stabbed to death in a township near Cape Town where she worked against apartheid. Her parents forgave the four men who killed her, and two of the killers now work for the Biehls’ charity foundation, which works towards reconciliation. One person said of the Biehls: ‘A lot of people can’t even forgive the little things. If the Biehls can forgive four young men for the death of their daughter, there’s no excuse for the rest of us.’

justice like rivers In the midst of his execution, Jesus said, ‘Father, forgive them’. If we don’t seek to love, our hearts can be filled with anger and bitterness. Surely the only thing that can break through the hate and the anger is love? This is not to say that there won’t be justice for the wronged. The Bible claims that one day God’s justice will flow like rivers. It also says God is as strong today as at any other time, that human suffering is not the end of the story and that He has lost none of his love for us.’

St Philip’s Church, Kenwyn (marcusslingers@telkomsa.net)

Q: Once a criminal -

always a criminal! Can a person change?

‘The father of my close friend Paul Cowley walked out on him when he was young, and his mother told him: ‘You’ll never amount to much - you’re just like your father.’ He hit the streets and gang violence at a young age, and got into trouble with the police, ending up in prison. Today, Paul leads an organisation that reaches out to prisoners in more than 80 countries, and works hard to reintegrate men and women into society. Is it really possible that the perpetrators of crime can change? Every day, all around the world, men and women enter the prison system and the response of much of society, especially when it comes to murder, rape, violence and child-abuse, is: lock them up and throw away the key. We’d rather be rid of them as we try to create a peaceful and crime-free society. But the reality is that the problem won’t go away - in fact it’s getting worse! Violent crime rates are all horrifically high, particularly in South Africa.

God is in a good mood The Bible’s view on change is that every man or woman who puts their trust in Jesus Christ begins a new life. When we cause offence, we experience a kind of death within ourselves, but the eternal consequences of this have already been dealt with by Jesus on the cross. Though the immediate consequences remain, God invites us into a life-changing relationship. The Bible tells us that our freedom from the weight of offence committed, and our ability to start anew, is not something produced by our own efforts. The God of this universe does not require us to go on suffering for what we have done. God is in a good mood! His love for us outweighs His hate for the offence we cause. What He does require, however, is that we put our trust and our faith in the liberation achieved through Jesus, who paid for our freedom with his life, death and resurrection.’

Answer by:

Rev Marcus Slingers,

Golf hamp er by Ta (www.tayloylormade rmad including 1 egolf.co.za), 2 2 caps, to balls, w Simply sm el. TAYLORM s A 072 802 7 DE to 022 to enter

Rev Alan Kilpatrick,

Rev Jeremy Jobling,

St Luke’s Church, Diep River (alan@stlukes.org.za)

Christ Church, Kenilworth (jeremy.jobling@gmail.com)

Agree or disagree? Our three writers invite you to email them this page proudly sponsored by Neville Wellington and Charlie Miller 24 thislife | issue 5

randomhumour

MINETTE BELL Day job? Hot architect, architect’s wife, mother of two strapping lads, coffee drinker Likes? ‘Good chocolate (always and forever), mountain hikes with friends, informal art’ Nerdy tendencies? Likes playing Boggle Dislikes? Arrogance and snails leaving holes in her aloes What keeps you going, Minette? ‘Morning: a high-foam cappuccino. Late afternoon: my daily dog walk on Rondebosch Common. Anytime: prayer I see it change my life over and over again’

GAVIN THOMSON Best known as? Editorial cartoonist for the People’s Post, and cartoonist of Mama Taxi and Treknet (Cape Argus, Cape Times) Other stuff: Lives in Noordhoek with wife Julie, children Josh and Rosie and a 1972 VW Beetle Spare time passions? Outdoorsy bloke: cycling, hiking, surfing etc. Manages to conquer his arty tendencies to co-lead an annual Habitat for Humanity build. Builds in time in his life for Spur burgers, too Dislikes? Traffic, sharks, shopping malls, injustice, homework What keeps you going, Gavin? ‘Coffee, deadlines, passion for what I do, and the belief that God has a plan for my life and work’

thislife | issue 5

betterlife JODY CLAASEN is 19 and lives with two families in a one-room home in Manenberg. He has been attending LINK Tut, a project co-ordinated by The Warehouse, for nearly a year WHAT ONE TUTOR SAYS ‘It’s inspiring to see Jody come to us from a full day at school still desperately keen to learn more. He is so determined to do well that he absorbs every bit of information and we see him grow every week’ – LINK Tut tutor Laura Singh

WHAT LINK TUT’S DIRECTOR HEIDI SEGAL SAYS ‘Many of us have an ‘education capital’: everything we have learnt through formal education and life experience. Helping young people with their school work is a great investment of that capital. No matter how much we give away, it never decreases!’

BECOME A TUTOR?

Jody Claasen: back on track with maths!

failed three grades and just wanted to quit school. But my mother and my teachers encouraged me not to give up, and people at church told me about LINK Tut. Since starting here, I have passed maths for the first time in three years – and I got the highest mark in the class! The tutors help me with maths and

other subjects, and this has made a big difference to my results. They always encourage me and tell me I can do my work. I have learnt to be comfortable enough to ask questions in class and at school my teachers have noticed I’m more confident. Now I’m determined to get my matric because it will give me and my family better opportunities.’

LADUUUMA! Nine soccer lovers from the

dynamic Superstars development team joined a football workshop picture courtesy of Independent Newspapers

with America’s

26 thislife | issue 5

First Lady, Michelle Obama, in June last year. The Superstars are a team from Sweet Home Farm, one of Cape Town’s most vulnerable communities. They are trained three times a week by enthusiasts from The Warehouse, who teach them soccer and lifeskills. ‘I will never forget this day!’ said Superstar player Siyakholwa (aka Bra) on the way home.

Want to share your education with others? Every week, members of the LINK Tut team gather at St Peter’s Church, Mowbray, to share their education with young people who are struggling at school due to poverty, and all that goes with it. Everyone can help - it’s not essential to be an expert or a trained teacher! Simply drop Heidi an email on heidi@warehouse.org.za or call her on 021 761 1168

hat’s the Warehouse?

It was established in 2003 to serve the six churches of St John’s Parish, Wynberg, in their response to poverty and injustice. It has grown into an organisation which serves around 90 churches, reaching out to some of the most vulnerable in our society. It has tabs on many of the urgent needs in greater Cape Town. More details at www.warehouse.org.za

Where’s the Warehouse?

12 Plantation Road, Wetton, 7780 (near Hillstar Traffic Department)

Call us: 021 761 1168 Click on us: www.warehouse.org.za

bloglife

Jo Bloggs one woman’s blog

oy.

My mirror is telling me a story I don’t

But for now, I can say with that other poet in Ecclesiastes,

want to hear. Or, more accurately,

‘Vanity, vanity, all is vanity.’ Ha! I’ll try to laugh at the days to

see. The story we all have to hear

come. And write poems like this one, called ‘Poem at Forty-

and see, whether we like it or not.

Something’.

And we don’t. I don’t. Like Dorian Gray, I prize the lithe beauty of youth highly and have let my ageing face affect me more than

gone are the madcap march hare days

is reasonable. The lines on my face dragging ominously south-

where i leap and care not to look,

ward are like daggers to the heart; I am a punctured balloon that can bring no more joy to the world. I have said in the closet of my heart, to God, ‘I would rather die now, at this forty-some-

thing age, than watch my face sag into shapelessness.’ I have said to my husband, ‘Will it not be an awful thing to see each others’ bodies with organs once so vital, lose all buoyancy, shrivel? We shall be like withered winter leaves with brittle bones...’

nay! with peter pan fly fro and to the neverlands, mary poppins merry-on-the-go, then gallop off the daily round, ain’t life grand! i trudge now the tortoise days, bottom sags with vanity and

But, as Mr Shakespeare, that Great Bard, said, ‘Golden lads

forty-something face,

and girls all must, like chimney sweepers, come to dust.’ (In

head now in sage bow

his time, a chimney sweeper was also a yellow-gold dandelion,

for small mercies;

how poignant that image of how speedily time’s breath brings

secret smiles in miles of star,

all to dust). Ah! I long to be a golden flower, to have back the

my fifty-something lover’s

shining youth, but ‘Forty winters have besieged my brow and

sure touch

have dug deep trenches in my beauty’s field’. Vividly put, Bard dear. But as I continue in my closet talks with God, slowly a change comes over me. No, He hasn’t miraculously given me

gone are the madcap march hare days, the bloom of fancy,

back peach-smooth skin - sadly, there are no such miracles

rock ‘n roll romancy;

recorded in the testaments. Sigh. But the Spirit stirs me to

i don’t mind so much

seek peace; to learn quiet and stillness of soul. Acceptance, yes, of course, but not just resignation. Soon, perhaps, even serenity?

‘Jo Bloggs’, a member of St John’s Parish, Wynberg, is also known as the master’s bard. Her latest blog is currently under construction

WIN!

A party n hour’s a dvice dress in o by de g to suit n YOU s ig R n o (www byn R er obert .roby s Simp n ly sm roberts. 072 8 s ROBY co.za) Nt 02 to en 7022 o ter thislife | issue 5

paparazzi

CAUGHT IN THE ACT

what are the people of St John’s Parish getting up to?

DIANE AND S offspring fo TEVE manage to tea r themselv r a social e es away fr Church’s b vening wit om their h aby/toddle r group (jo other parents from Christ in it? See p

29)

LISA of St Philip’s, who has just taken up a full scholarship at Harvard University, where she plans to focus on political science

YOUTH HELPER BRIDGETTE knocks the modelling competition sideways at Emmanuel’s food fair

Mawethu COFFEE? Barry and WHO’S MAKING THE d le confuse St Luke’s seem a litt

Clockwise from top left: BEN, LI AM, EMILY, SO SIPHISO, JETH PH RO AND RACH EL find the Chu IA, LIA, KATE, Spirit jungle gy rch of the Hol m helps releas y e a few of life’ (spot the flying ch s stresses ild) LENT surfacing at St

RED-HOT SOCCER TA holiday club 28 thislife | issue 5

John’s

infomoment thislife magazine (www.thislife.org.za) is published by St John’s Parish, Wynberg Who are they? A parish of six Anglican churches (see right) in Cape Town’s southern suburbs, which are varied in tradition and style, but united in ethos. They also set up and support a seventh ‘church’, The Warehouse (www.warehouse.org.za), a large community station which reaches out to some of the most vulnerable in our society Parish office: St John’s Road, Wynberg (next to Springfield Convent and St John’s Church) Tel: 021 761 9020 Email:stjohns@stjohns.org.za Website: www.stjohns.org.za

St Philip’s Church Range Road, Kenwyn 021 762 8772 www.stphilipscapetown.org SUNDAYS 9am (contemp)

Church of the Holy Spirit St John’s Church 38 Raapkraal Road, Kirstenhof St John’s Road, Wynberg 021 701 3201 021 797 8968 www.chscapetown.org www.stjohnscapetown.org SUNDAYS 8am (relaxed contemp), SUNDAYS 7.45am (trad), 10am (relaxed contemp) 9.30am (mod/trad blend)

St Luke’s Church Annandale Road, Diep River 021 712 6690 www.stlukes.org.za SUNDAYS 7.30am (trad), 9.30am (mod/trad blend) WEDNESDAYS 9am (communion)

Christ Church, Kenilworth Richmond Road, Kenilworth 021 797 6332 www.christ-church.org.za SUNDAYS 8am (trad), 10am (mod/trad blend), 7pm (contemp) WEDNESDAYS 10am (trad)

Emmanuel Church Ottery Road, Wynberg 021 797 0179 www.emmanuelcapetown.org SUNDAYS 9.30am (relaxed trad)

who?what?where?

COURSES and other stuff Marriage Preparation Course

A weekly course open to all couples, church members or not! Runs three times a year at Christ Church, Kenilworth

First course in 2012: Tuesdays, 31 Jan to 6 March Marriage Course

Fancy a weekly date with your spouse? Just the two of you – to talk together, be served a delicious meal and have some input to encourage and challenge you in your relationship? Recommended for ALL marriages, blooming or a little parched. Hosted by Christ Church, Kenilworth

First course in 2012: Thursdays, 10 May to 21 June

(all welcome, churchgoers or not…)

Boundaries Course

Want more clarity on where your responsibilities lie – and where they don’t? Looking to live more lightly, without comparing yourself to others? Boundaries has been run at Christ Church, Kenilworth for over 10 years, with great results (see our feature on the Boundaries Course on p12)

First courses in 2012: Wednesday mornings, 25 Jan to 14 March. Monday evenings, 30 January to 19 March  Parenting Course

A weekly six-week course for any parent wanting to nurture a good relationship with their child. Run by Christ Church, Kenilworth

Parenting Course in 2012: contact Christ Church, Kenilworth for latest dates

Beyond Divorce

An interactive workshop of seven weekly evening sessions designed to foster personal growth in a supportive environment that will facilitate your journey of self-discovery, and enable you to find your own solutions

First course in 2012: 2nd term 2012. Contact Christ Church, Kenilworth for exact date confirmation

CARE to help a schoolchild who is STRUGGLING WITH SCHOOLWORK?

You can do it at St Peter’s Church, Mowbray, every Tuesday 3.30 to 6pm Contact Heidi on 021 761 1168 or heidi@warehouse.org.za

ALPHA COURSES

Alpha (www.alpha.org) is a fun, non-threatening course which examines the claims of Christianity, aimed particularly at anyone who doesn’t attend church or who seeks to ‘brush up’ their spirituality. It’s non-denominational and has been attended by over 12 million people in 163 countries worldwide. Usually run evenings, over dinner First course in 2012: Alpha will be happening at Christ Church, Kenilworth in the 1st term 2012. Contact Christ Church, Kenilworth, for exact date confirmation. For courses after the 1st term 2012, contact Christ Church for the latest info

For any info regarding the above courses, contact Sue: 021 797-6332 or sue@christ-church.org.za

JOIN A GROUP? Moms Connect Calling all mothers…come and chill with other mothers of babies and toddlers! Venue? Relaxed @ Christ Church, Kenilworth Timing? Thursdays 9.30 to 11.30am Want more info? Contact Jill on 072 329 0281 or jjmathew@telkomsa.net Who’s invited? Anyone with a baby or toddler: those in the parish and those who’ve never heard of it

he Christ C ck out the h Centre – urch Resource b ooks, dv magazin ds, cds, es. join and Browse for free or borrow (R 35/year) Where? C 16 Summ hrist Church Ce n When? M erly Road, Kenil tre, worth ondays to to 4.30p Fridays 9 m and a am lo Church o an table in Chri st n S u ndays Contact? 021 797 Theresa on 6332 o resource @christ- r email: church.o rg.za

thislife | issue 5

marketplace EAT / DRINK

your guide to local services (take the las out of looking)

HOME

WIN!

Your designebusiness logo /ca do design r 3 hours of wrd c o n s ulting b eb Design y (www.do Digital Media Simply esigno.co.z a s 072 80 ms DESIGNO ). 2 7022 to ente to r

30 thislife | issue 5

marketplace Want to advertise in our next issue? Mail us on thislifemag@gmail.com or call Tonya on 082 920 6624

HEALTH

CHILDREN / FAMILY

DESIGN

Maybe we’re biased, but we assume that because most of our advertisers are members of St John’s Parish, they must be good. However, nobody’s perfect. So if you don’t receive total satisfaction, we’re really sorry but there’s not a lot we can do! thislife | issue 5 31

retailtherapy

TOP 10

wealth

feelgood presents

ant to give a gift that goes on giving?

There’s a of fab things out there that UPLIFT THE COMMUNITY – you just have to know where to look! We’ve taken the hassle out of it for you and tracked down 10 fabulous gift ideas…

1. Wine cooler bag – R295 Made by Give It Bag from polypropylene food sacks, with proceeds from profits donated to charitable projects, eg Vulamasango kindergarten in Philippi. Available at Fab Things, 2nd Avenue, Harfield Village, 021 672 2229 2. Sardine fish bowls – from R45 Made by Wola Nani, which creates employment for HIV positive people. Find them @ Heartworks, Old Biscuit Mill, Salt River, 021 447 7183

3. Madiba slippers - R100 (sizes S M L) Shweshwe fabric made from cotton grown by emerging farmers, slippers handsewn by rural women in Kwazulu Natal. Find them at Heartworks, Old Biscuit Mill, Salt River, 021 447 7183 or Cape Quarter, 021 418 0772 4. Tin clocks – from R90 Made by Africa Allsorts, Knysna, which provides employment and skills for men and women living in informal settlements. Available at Heartworks, Old Biscuit Mill, Salt River, 021 447 7183

5. Handpainted tea towel – R60 Made by Inkanyezi, a student community initiative. Buy it at Caramel & Co, Palmyra Junction, Claremont, 021 671 1195 6. Computer duster – R60 Made by Iziko Lolwazi, Hout Bay, which enables adult literacy students to earn while they learn. Call Alison Prest at 021 790 2273, or visit the Hout Bay Community Craft Centre, Baviaanskloof Road to view it and other products

7. Madiba peg bag – R40 Made by DEAFSA which provides employment for hearingdisabled people. Buy them and other Madiba products at their shop, open daily: The Bastion of the Deaf, Hemlock Road, Newlands, 021 683 4665 8. Bead/shell rings – from R20 Made by Iziko Lolwazi, Hout Bay, which enables adult literacy students to earn while they learn. Call Alison Prest at 021 790 2273, or visit the Hout Bay Community Craft Centre, Baviaanskloof Road to view these and other products 9. No-electricity cooking ‘bag’ – from R70 Made by Wonderbag and handsewn in Youth for Survival co-ops in Pretoria. Order from Natural Balance, 011 442 2767 (can be couriered to your door for R55) 10. Surfboard cover A new product by Give It Bag, made from polypropylene food sacks, with proceeds from profits donated to charitable projects, eg Vulamasango kindergarten in Philippi. Available to order from about R750, email capetown@give-it-bag.com or call 072 658 1153 for latest pricing