thislife Issue 1 by Thislife Magazine

Issue no 1

thislife

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Did our paparazzi get you? Check inside

NEW YORK MODEL: how my life turned around

HELP my mother-in-law’s driving me nuts!

TOP FEELGOOD PRESENTS

How can a loving God allow suffering? PHILIP YANCEY: I FORGET TO LISTEN TO MY WIFE

Gertrude’s chocolate cake

for anyone who ever wondered about God

St John’s communications team at play

THEY SAID IT

welcome ...to the launch issue of thislife, a magazine which aims to encourage, amuse, stimulate and maybe even challenge you at times!

“People say to me ‘I’ve never heard God speak.’ I say, ‘I bet you have. It’s just that you did not recognise Him because religion taught you He was demanding instead of endearing.” Wayne Jacobsen, co-writer of The Shack

Who is thislife for? Anyone who ever wondered about God. Anyone who ever wondered how God fits into their daily life. Anyone who ever wondered how God fits into other people’s daily lives. Failing that, anyone who likes food/sport/agony columns/helping others/winning prizes. And if you just picked us up as a last resort in the dentist’s waiting room, we hope you’ll find us more interesting than the pamphlet on oral hygiene.

“Nothing matters more than knowing God’s purposes for your life, and nothing can compensate for not knowing them – not success, wealth, fame or pleasure.” Rick Warren “Unless you assume a God, the question of life’s purpose is meaningless.” Bertrand Russell, atheist.

Who’s behind thislife? Six Anglican churches comprising St John’s Parish, Wynberg, Cape Town (see p 19), and a large community outreach station, the Warehouse (see p 15).

“Ultimately, you will decide and must decide, for yourself, whether you are going to include a spiritual dimension to your life. But for what it is worth, life becomes a lot wilder and more fun if you do.” Bear Grylls, former member of the British SAS, youngest Brit to climb Everest, star of TV’s Ultimate Survival.

Anyone else behind thislife? Our financial sponsors, listed opposite. If you are a member of the parish, please support them (even better, become one!) If you’re not a member of the parish, consider supporting them anyway – they’re just the kind of people you could take home to meet mother.

“I have come that you may have life, and have it more abundantly.” Jesus Christ

Finally, we’d love YOUR input. What you like about thislife. What you don’t like. Photos. Stories. Your favourite quotation. Email us, sms us, fax us or physically drop off anything you have to offer at our office (all details below). We will be delighted to receive it. Sweets also accepted.

“Christianity, if false, is of no importance, and if true, of infinite importance. The one thing it cannot be is moderately important.” Author C S Lewis “Every day I ask [God] for guidance and the gift of abstinence from obsessive behaviours.” Kara Messina, who found liberation from an eating disorder through a newfound Christian faith

PS Don’t forget to enter our competitions! Adults, teens and the under twelves – there are competitions for all of you - and your chances of winning are far higher than in a national magazine.

“Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.” Billy Sunday

CONTRIBUTORS

A heartfelt thank you to our long-suffering contributors – here are some of them

“Pray as you can, don’t think that there is a perfect way.” Bishop Richard Chartres

AND A SPECIAL CHRISTMAS MESSAGE WITH RELEVANCE ALL THE YEAR ROUND: “Santa Claus was right. Visit people once a year.” Victor Borge

TIM GAUNT

Tim Gaunt is a bit of everything - including a photographer. But his heart really belongs to the bush (and his wife, Hailey).

Want to enter a competition, give input, or send a comment or question to anyone who wrote in this magazine? • Email Katy at thislifemag@gmail.com (emails 2MB or under, please) • Sms Katy on 076 905 2338 • Fax Katy on 021 658 4144 or 021 658 4140 • Drop off anything (mark it ‘Katy @ thislife mag’) at the St John’s Parish office. It’s the brick hall off the large car park at St John’s Church, St John’s Road, Wynberg (above Springfield Convent). Tel: 021 761 9020

welcome

GAVIN THOMSON

Tonya, (photographer and contributor on many other levels) is married to Duncan. Other passions? Lindt chocolate balls, ice-cold sauvignon blanc and the splishy-splashy sound of the little fountain in her garden.

Gavin’s a husband, a father and a cartoonist (in that order). He creates cartoon strips for the daily press (Treknet, Mama Taxi and Terminal among others), and cycles with his son to and from school every day.

Fancy joining the thislife team? If you have photographic/ journalism/website/advertising skills or just like organising things, contact us right away! Can’t beat the feeling...

CLOSING DATE FOR ALL COMPETITIONS: 31 JAN 2010 welcome

TONYA HESTER

welcome

welcome welcome

ON THE COVER 04

mylife Victoria Sorensen, former New York model and divorcee, on how her life turned around

paparazzi Did our paparazzi catch YOU in the act?

agony Help, my mother-in-law is driving me nuts!

foodielife Gertrude’s chocolate cake vs Alex’s crispy Greek chicken

sportymoment The most irritating habit of rugby’s Nick Koster

stickyissues How can a loving God allow suffering?

feelgood presents – the top10 Killing two birds with one stone -

funky presents that help others

AND THE REST 02

welcome what we’re about/ contact details

seniormoment WIN! Lunch for two and beating retirement blues

thoughtlife Prayer – Philip Yancey on how it can work for you

goodread Slick art dealer’s embarrassing moment

gogetter Journey of a love pack

teenlife Day in the life of two teens plus CASH PRIZE!

younglife Lucy’s photolog. WIN superior cupcakes for your party!

who? what? where? Courses for you: divorce recovery,

teen parenting, Alpha, boundaries... PLUS your guide to the six churches of St John’s Parish

SPONSORS: PLEASE LOVE THEM LIKE WE DO A special thank you to all at the CAPE TOWN SCHOOL OF PHOTOGRAPHY, who lent us their studio.

Barry Jessop

Walton Jessop Attorneys

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contents

VICTORIA SORENSEN

mylife

I was born in Kentucky in 1960 and raised in a middle-class neighbourhood.

My great grandparents had been missionaries in the Congo and I was always taught godly values. Both my parents were deacons in the church, I sang in the choir, collected money for the poor and had a wonderful social life based around the church. However, I think subliminally I felt Christianity was mainly about doing good works. I don’t think I had really given God control of my life or really understood what He had done for me by dying on the cross. When I was 15, I responded to a call at the church for people to stand up and ‘give their life to the Lord’. I stood up but looking back, I think it may have been from the terror of not going to heaven rather than a true response from my heart. During university - I did an undergraduate degree in political science and law, then a BA in communications - I started to go my own way and became more focused on academics and my social life than Jesus! I got married straight out of university and that marriage was pretty much over in the first year. There was a lot wrong with it. I discovered my husband had deceived me even before we got married. I was left working long hours for a subsidiary of IBM trying to open a new business. I thought the exciting work would bring happiness but I felt so empty inside. I had a void in my heart, a longing. At the weekends I did modelling photo shoots. Then I won a competition and an agency asked me to move to New York City. I knew modelling could help pay the bills and might help me

Former New York model Victoria Sorensen recently spent nearly four years in Cape Town as a missionary, moving between Pollsmoor prison and a Constantia ladies’ bible study. Here she shares her story of faith and how it has brought her through divorce,

achieve my desire to be an actress. So I left my solid job for New York. It was a very lonely time. I remember sitting in empty churches and crying out to God “If you are really out there, please help me, please help me.” I got jobs acting in soap operas and started mixing with the acting community, dating famous people. I thought the money, the parties, the yacht trips would make me happy.

transformed many aspects of her life, put her

Pride

in exciting and challenging circumstances,

But I started to realise these stars were some of the loneliest people I knew. I shared a dressing room with an actress who said she had a relationship with Jesus. I said “Well my great grandparents were missionaries, my grandfather was a minister,” believing this meant I too was a Christian! Looking back I see it was a kind of religious pride. She told me about her relationship with Christ and invited me to a group called Models for Christ. I had been going to a church from time to time but knew it wasn’t reaching me deep down, and would pray from time to time, “Lord, please give me comfort.” But when I got this invitation I was so stubborn. I was afraid my longing for God would be disappointed again because I had ‘tried religion’ and it didn’t work for me. I was sceptical that it would be no different to any other church experience I’d had in the past. And I was also a little scared it was a cult.

and has even changed her attitude to her own body.

mylife

But amazingly, I bumped into her one day in that huge city. She said “you’ve got to go”. That night – November 16th 1986 - I felt something compelling me to go. It was dark, it was rainy, but I forced myself onto a night bus. I got chatting to a woman who was also on her way to Models for Christ. The whole bus ride she talked to me about how Christianity was not a religion but about a personal relationship with Christ. She said God was interested in the personal areas of our lives, and that I had a choice either to continue

much later she found God herself and could finally understand my passion.

dren, Christine, Grace and Luke. Peter’s Wall Street job was going well, we were involved in our church, enjoying a comfy American lifestyle. Peter’s mother was a medical missionary in West Africa and had just started to be allowed to go into prisons. We heard about the conditions in them: there was rampant sickness and prisoners were sleeping in shifts because cells were too full for everyone to lie down. Some were naked because their clothes had disintegrated, others got transferred without warning, lost all contact with

I met my husband Peter at a bible study but we connected for the first time at a party. I think God knit our hearts together and within the year we were married. For the first time I saw what it was like to be in a godly marriage, in a kind of triangle with Jesus at the top. But there were tough times ahead. We both had wounds from our past, we both came from

living my life being in charge or to humble myself and accept God’s way. When we got there, a girl from TV spoke again about this relationship with God that she had. A leader then offered a prayer to ask God to come into my life and I repeated it in my heart. It went something like “I’m so sorry I’ve been going my own way, please forgive my sins and come into my heart”.

Sleeping pills and the safest place to be

I remember feeling great peace and at that moment God clearly showed me that Christ was not on the throne of my life, it was I who was controlling my life. At that moment I gave control of my life to God, my plans, my future. As I was heading out the back, a woman gave me a bible. I’d always been around bibles but suddenly I couldn’t wait to read it. Instead of going out clubbing I would stay in and read my bible!

When we arrived in Cape Town, I was very concerned about security. Back in America, we didn’t even own a front door key. Here, I would hear house alarms going off at night and people told me all about crime. Working in Pollsmoor Prison, I heard about the awful crimes people committed. I was too scared to drive at night and ended up on sleeping pills for several months. Later I came to realise that the safest place to be is in the centre of God’s will. If He wanted us to be here, He would protect us.

Prison makeovers

I think I became a new believer at that point. It was so refreshing to know I could carry God’s presence with me throughout the day, whether I was at home or the supermarket, so freeing to know that I could communicate with Him at any time.

The Holy Spirit started teaching me things. I realised I was far too impressed by fame and famous people and in fact many were so broken and needed ministering to. I started doing that. I had also been struggling with eating issues because you had to be so skinny in my world. I remember a guy in the business once saying to me “You are disgusting, how could you let your hips get so big?” even though I was underweight. But I felt God telling me never to go on a diet or worry about my weight again, that it had been an idol. To this day I’ll never get on a scale! A guy I had dated in the past told my family I was in a cult. I had my sister on the phone crying “How can you do this?” Her husband, with whom I had a great relationship, said “I never want to hear you say the name of Jesus in my house again.” My mother was so worried. But

mylife

We were still living in America. But one summer we went as a family to a Christian camp and one day at a talk, we both heard God clearly saying to us “move to Africa”. Then a speaker got up and spoke about sowing seeds in Africa which confirmed it to us. It was a big deal. I hate change. My dad had left home when I was young and it really traumatised me. The kids were devastated about moving away from family, friends and their country. But we felt it was God’s calling so we got people to pray and fast for us and the name of Cape Town kept coming up, and Peter and I both heard it separately too. We knew nothing about Cape Town – that in fact it was one of the easier African cities to live in! Times Square Church, a large church in New York City, asked us to be their missionaries and it was great to have the spiritual covering of their people praying for us.

... there were tough times ahead. We both had wounds from our past

I had no financial security. I was renting a little apartment. No home, no insurance policy, no man...but I had never been happier! I wanted to give God everything. Models for Christ did outreach projects in homeless shelters, prisons, even doing makeovers on the inmates. I remember hearing a lady on death row singing Amazing Grace and was overawed to see what happened when the truth of the gospel entered the place. I think God laid the seeds for my African prison work in my heart then, not that I realised it then.

in mobile operating rooms in trucks into the prisons. I would help with triage, sorting out which prisoner needed which kind of doctor. I developed a real passion for it.

All of a sudden, I was a part of two worlds. The dark world of Pollsmoor where desperate women are packed into cells and and a Constantia bible study – beautiful and comfortable with women who have all the trappings.

broken homes and I also had many wounds from my first marriage. We moved outside New York City and I was quite isolated. It was as if God had given me a cushy time and now He was taking away my crutches to see if I would rely on Him.

their families and starved to death. The majority had been awaiting trial for years. Peter had a dream of staging ‘prodigal son banquets’ in African prisons, slaughtering cows and feeding people a feast as well as feeding them with the gospel. He flew over to help his mother to give a talk about God in one prison. He was a little germ-phobic and warned her “I’m not going to shake hands with anyone”. But he felt God saying “You must”. He started shaking hands and felt God saying “This is your life calling.”

Tough times

I developed a horrible stomach condition for years which caused a lot of pain and it was a really tough time. Peter had a very stressful job on Wall Street and was getting up at 4am and coming back at 9pm. But this was all good for me. God showed me I was trying to make Peter my god and get him to meet all my needs. I joined a group of mature Christian ladies, sat at their feet and let them build into my life. It was such a valuable time, it made me realise the responsibility more mature Christians have to disciple newer ones. You can’t leave a spiritual newborn babe to feed itself! Now I know God put Peter and me together to form a ministry, to heal the wounds of our past and to refine each other.

We had done years of ministry to the extremely wealthy of America, who had everything of the world but a void inside. Now we set up a non-profit ministry called African Prison Ministries and organised prodigal son banquets in Togo, Zambia, Nigeria, South Africa, Malawi: anywhere God opened up a door. The first African prison I went into was in Nigeria. It was old and dark with gallows hanging at the back! In addition to spiritual needs, we addressed physical needs with our partner Pro-Health, taking medical teams

We were very blessed to have three chil-

mylife

In Pollsmoor I went in alongside Hope Ministries, trying to spread God’s love and hope and help the women grow. I helped in weekly bible studies, trying especially to help the non-English speakers. Most of the women are very open because they know their life hasn’t worked this far. It’s different in the outside world where people have lots of crutches and can often buy their way out of pain. They hide behind big walls and it’s hard for them to let God take control of their lives.

True beauty

Restorative Justice, one of the programmes we were involved with, tries to heal the wounds that caused the crime and prevent inmates from going on to commit worse crimes on release. I felt so intensely happy seeing the glory of God come down to a place with bars. He shows up time and time again! You see some women in dire condition, sick, with missing teeth and scars from abuse, but they radiate Christ to the extent that they become utterly beautiful to me. It was an absolute privilege to see God at work in their lives and learn more about Him through them. It never felt like a sacrifice of my time at all. In the Constantia bible study I’ve seen marriages healed, the women becoming

mylife

more patient with their children, ministering to each other and becoming hungry for God’s word. Some people imagine if you live in the southern suburbs your life is trouble-free, but everyone has a God-shaped vacuum only Christ can fill. God loves those women just as much as he loves the prisoners. One particular joy for me has been watching these women move out of their comfort zone to care for the hurting. Some even assisted with the prison work, providing meals, clothing and support for the inmates in prison and on their release. And the women prisoners reciprocated by regularly praying for the Constantia women.

Victoria’s thoughts... On pride and God using us “He doesn’t have to use us, He could work through a stone, but He allows us to be used. He provides everything: our financial needs, our spiritual ones. Nothing is too difficult for Him. Sometimes we think we are accomplishing things, we have a sense of pride in our ‘good works’. But it’s nothing to do with us. God is merciful enough to allow us to be part of it.”

Elsewhere in Africa we had miracles. We saw families restored, medical miracles, lives totally changed.

On parenting and performance “So often our pride gets in and we want our children to be top of the class, the best athlete. But the most important thing is to build into them the truth. Growing up I was an overachiever. I was valedictorian in my school, cheerleader, an honours graduate. Performance was my drug of choice! I thought if I performed, looked a certain way, it was me achieving, not God. One of my daughters hasn’t found school easy and I felt that almost as shame, that I didn’t help her enough, it was all about me. But the Lord has taught me maybe she won’t be top of the class, but look how she spent two hours baking bread for her teacher before her exams! Look how she spoke to thousands at a missionary conference at Times Square Church. Look how she can give her peers an amazing sermon! God’s taught me how to see things through His eyes, not the eyes of the world. Conversely my other daughter found academics very easy and I need to make sure there’s no pride involved and that she sees everything as a gift from God.”

Now God is taking us back to Virginia. We feel called to go and base our ministry in the States so that we can be with our extended families who have suffered various medical challenges while we’ve been away. We are leaving the African Prison Ministries office open and will be running it from the States. I have no idea what the next step is bringing, it’s a little scary. The logical place to go would be our home town where we still have a house and know the church and schools. I am a little nervous about the challenges that lie ahead and starting all over again in a place we’ve never lived in but I know enough of God’s character to know that He will provide, and equip us to carry out His plans through us. He’s already got it figured out, I don’t need to do that! Maybe if we knew what was coming we would get freaked! The thing I have learnt above almost everything else is summed up in Proverbs 3 verse 5. “Trust the Lord with all your heart. Don’t lean on your own understanding.” God wants every single part of us to surrender. It may not be easy, we may have to go places we don’t want to. But He’ll give us supernatural peace in the midst of chaos. I always knew about the cross - what Christian doesn’t? - but only in 1986 did I accept that it’s nothing to do with me trying to be good, it’s all about God. Just before Jesus died, he said “It is finished.” He did the work, I don’t have to. Whatever we’ve done, he still loves us. And the Bible promises us that nothing can separate us from God’s love. That’s such a joy and a comfort.”

On judging others “God has taught me not to judge people by how they look or are doing financially. This person really is not better because they look a certain way. That’s a big deal for someone who was a model in New York City where you find the cream of the world’s crop!” On practising God’s presence “For anyone who doesn’t feel they have that presence, I suggest they spend time with the Lord in the morning, giving Him their day, asking Him to carve it out His way. But don’t just leave it there. God says pray continually and pray without ceasing. Even about the little things in life. Whatever you give to Him, He will bless. Your time, your money. You can’t outdo Him in giving! It can also be a good thing to clear the air by asking Him to show you if there is anything that grieves the Holy Spirit.” On looking like a Christian! “I used to be really into the outward trappings. Now I’ve gone the other way. But I try to keep a balance. I’m not going to help someone enter the kingdom looking like a ragamuffin. In 1 Corinthians 9 v 22, Paul says “I have become all things to all men that I might by some means save some”. To me that means meeting people where they are. Some people are not comfortable with that impoverished church basement, no-makeup look. It can be a real stumbling block. Jesus reached people where they were at, so that’s what I try to do. My wise grandfather, who was a minister for many years, always talked of the balance needed in your Christian walk. And the word of God must be your testing place for that balance.” On God and the little things “God’s a very practical God. He wants to be involved in the small details of our lives. I pray to Him before my children’s tests, that they would have His peace and remember what they’ve learnt, I pray about what holiday to go on or house to buy, how He wants me to spend my time.” On hard times “When life is tough – and it will be, Romans 8 verse 28 talks about when not if! - I always remember Jeremiah 29:11 and cling to the character of God. He is someone who will never leave me or forsake me. He’ll even work bad stuff for good. Has God ever let me down? No, in fact I have to thank Him for not giving me my way. If He had let me become the famous actress I wanted to be at one stage it would have been a very difficult field to be in.” On what she finds most exciting about God “It’s His faithfulness to me. He is who He says He is, and His word is true. As a child I always craved purpose: I thought that longing would be filled by having my name in lights, or money, or a romantic relationship, or work, family, academic success. But I had that and none of it worked. Only Jesus Christ can fill that hole. I want to shout this to the rooftops: This is real! Jesus is real!”

Victoria and family: from left, Grace, Peter, Christine and Luke.

mylife

CAUGHT IN THE ACT

paparazzi what are the people of St John’s Parish getting up to?

JANINE, MOTHER OF THREE, AND GRACE, MOTHER OF TWO, CHRIST CHURCH Where are you going? Janine (left): “Tuesday morning bible study, Christ Church”. What do you get out of it? “Lots! It’s particularly nice to have a diverse group of women carrying you in prayer when you need it.” Grace (right): “There’s always something which grows me and it’s a great place to make new friends.”

WORSHIP BAND, CHURCH OF THE HOLY SPIRIT Who’s the funkiest? “Definitely William [in orange]. His colourful pants make us want to dance on Sundays.”

ANELISA, 5, ST JOHN’S: Where are you? “Church picnic”. What’s fun about it? “Hotdogs.”

ELIZABETH, ANDY, BRENDA AND BARBARA, CHRIST CHURCH Where are you off to? Barbara (in green):“Stepping Up, a DVD-based bible study at Christ Church.” What’s good about it? “Beth Moore, who wrote the study, tells life like it is. And she shows how the psalms apply in a very real way to every situation we find ourselves in.”

RORY, 2, ST LUKE’S What are you doing? “Err...”

SISTERS MONIQUE AND CARMELITA, EMMANUEL Why pink? Monique (left): “Nice and girly.” Carmelita: “This top was a present and I like how it looks!”

LORREEN, COMPANION, EMMANUEL What are you doing? “Just out of church and off to lunch at my neighbour’s.” Your outfit? “A Mexican wedding dress given to me by a lady I nursed.”

paparazzi

HAZEL, TEACHER, ST PHILIP’S What are you doing? “Feeding the hungry at Wetton Road. How long have you been doing it? “Six or seven years.” Why? “I can’t stand to see people go hungry.”

paparazzi

GRANT, STUDENT, CHURCH OF THE HOLY SPIRIT What are you doing? “Band rehearsal for Sunday.” What’s cool about the sound desk? “Pushing people’s buttons.”

paparazzi

Q&A agony

AGONISED? Email, sms or physically send us your question, giving yourself a pseudonym if you’d like to stay anonymous.

Space permitting, we will publish it with an answer. If we run out of room, we will endeavour to send you a personal response. Contact details on p 2.

CAPE TOWN is not alone in having four seasons in a day. In the twinkling of an eye, our days can lurch from sunshine to thunderstorm or torrential rain, and end up kind of cloudy. There are as many different issues out there as there are people in the world, and we can only fit three on this page! But we offer these three very different Q and A’s, hoping they can provide you with a little help or insight – now or in the future.

Rev Andrew Gready of St John’s, Wynberg

Rev John Atkinson of Christ Church, Kenilworth

Rev Jim Harris, of Emmanuel Church

“I cannot stand being with my mother-

“My son has discovered his best friend is

“I’m struggling with the idea of the value

in-law. She seems to criticise every-

gay. How can I best help them both and

and importance of ‘the church’, especially

thing I and my children do, and I feel

what is a Christian response?”

in light of some terrible things the church perpetrated in history and its abuse of

rage rather than godly love in her presence. Please help!” “I tried to get on with my mother-in-law - what is the point in not? A marriage is usually for a long time. Always remember, she is older than you, probably wiser (through experience), has known your partner all of their lives, knows their strengths... and weaknesses, whereas she is just learning about yours! My mother-in-law was okay. The more years I knew her, the more remarkable I found her. She was from a different culture to mine, and a different era. The combination was hysterically funny. It’s wise to learn tolerance of “old ways” and “different ways”, and laugh about it. She taught me so much – handicrafts, cooking, preserving techniques, how to save money, how to make a feast from leftovers. I think you should not try to impress her too much - just be yourself and in that way, she will get used to it since her own child has chosen to marry you and she can’t really do anything about it. She will just have to accept you, and you know every mother thinks no one is perfect for their precious son or daughter, so don’t get too worried about it, just continue your happy marriage as normal. It does sound as if you need to have a sit-down talk with her, and perhaps lay the law down - be honest. It is way too energy draining to be abused in this way, it’s not good for your health. Stress can, and will, cause you to get physically ill. Also make sure that your partner knows how you feel – and don’t forget to pray about it. Ask God to give you all you need to cope with the situation – to work in your life, and in the life of your motherin-law.”

power. Help!”

Life is full of stories of painful journeys. Sometimes circumstances take us to the edge of our experience and expertise and often there is no satisfying explanation. This is why the Bible gives us guidelines in terms of how we should treat one another.

“I sympathise. The rottenness of ‘the church’ at various stages of history has saddened and alienated many. So let me begin by saying there is no guarantee that what I say in response will satisfy you, because there are no easy answers.

Your son’s friend, who has come to the conclusion that he is attracted to people of his own gender, is still the same person he was before he came to this conclusion. Every one of us is attracted to things and people who may be good or bad for us. A Christian response to a person with same-sex attraction should be no different to responding to anyone else. You can help by being available to listen. Refraining from condemnation and giving compassionate guidance is a godly response. Both your son, and his friend, will need to be well informed about the biblical standards for Christians so that they can make personal decisions that are in keeping with their faith. His friend will need compassionate friendship, which is not fixated on his same-sex attraction, but sees him for who he is - a friend. The Bible gives clear teaching on what is appropriate sexually. Remember that many heterosexual Christians ignore this teaching to their own peril. Divorce, sexually transmitted infections and family disintegration abound among Christians. Those who are faced with same-sex attraction are no less confronted by the teachings of Scripture. In this context, the unloving responses of many conservative Christians may drive them away from attempting to live by the standards of Scripture. Today there are many Christian pastors who ignore the teachings of Jesus in this regard. “Therefore whoever relaxes one of the least of these commandments and teaches others to do the same will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever does them and teaches them will be called great in the kingdom of heaven.” (Matt 5:19)

Where the church is concerned, it is necessary to keep a balance of the human and the divine. Whatever the origins of ‘church’ as a spiritual entity, remember it is a human organisation, and as such it is bound to reveal elements of self-centredness and sinfulness. We have to differentiate between the man-made structures and guidelines (all legitimate in their context) and the fundamental essence of what it means to be followers of Jesus. The letters of St Paul indicate that those who follow Jesus need an organisation to structure their worship and instruction. So you need to find a community of faith to belong to and participate in. But always hold to the central idea that Jesus is the way to the Father and the Spirit of God is your constant guide. You will note that I’ve not tried to excuse the church. History is, and eternity will be, the church’s own judge. We have to learn from the past and try to ensure that we don’t perpetuate abuses.

You and your son can be used by God in this young man’s life to express the love of Jesus who came to save us in the midst of our daily struggle.

agony

foodielife SINLESS CHOCOLATE CAKE • 250 ml oil • 500ml sugar • 3 tbsp cocoa • 3 tbsp white vinegar • 1 tsp vanilla essence • 1⁄2 tsp salt • 3 cups (750 ml) self-raising flour • 2 tsp bicarbonate of soda • 1 tsp baking powder. Method Beat oil, sugar, cocoa, white vinegar and vanilla essence together. Add flour, bicarbonate of soda and baking powder. Add 2 cups (500ml) water and 1⁄2 tsp salt. Who’s the cook? Gertrude Thompson of St Luke’s Church.

Beat with electric beater or whisk for 1 – 2 minutes. Pour into large greased glass oven roaster or two smaller tins. Bake at 160° – 180° C for 35-45 minutes.

Why’s it sinless? “It’s delicious, cholesterol-free and contains no eggs or milk. My grandchildren love it and it doesn’t affect my grandson Matthew’s eczema.”

Leave to cool and serve. Decorate if desired with fruit, cream or chocolate icing.

FAT FACTS

Eva Warren of Christ Church, registered dietitian

ne minute with a dietitian

Who’s the cook? Alex Cotchobos of Church of the Holy Spirit. What’s the story? “I braai this often over weekends. It’s easy to prepare, the whole family loves it and there is never a scrap left. My Greek father taught me this recipe and my children will not be allowed to leave home without mastering it. I cannot allow them to bring shame on the family!”

Gertrude’s cake – what’s the best oil to use? “Canola and olive oil contain better types of fat but olive oil is not great in baking because of its strong flavour – and its extra health benefits are destroyed by heating anyway. Sunflower oil is fine, though not as healthy as canola/olive.”

CRISPY GREEK CHICKEN

Alex’s chicken – how good is it for you?

• 1 large chicken • 1 medium onion • 2 tbsp origanum (dried) • 1 lemon

“Great source of protein, lower in fat than red meat, braaing is better than frying as the fat drips away. Go easy on the skin. Try to eat lots of delicious salads and vegetables with your braai to reduce your meat intake.”

• 2 large garlic cloves • 3 tbsp olive oil • coarse salt and black pepper Method: kettle braai Pour half to three quarters of a bag of braai briquettes into the kettle braai. Divide briquettes into two sections on both sides, leaving the middle section empty. Light the briquettes and allow to burn for 35 minutes with the bottom vents open and the lid off.

General advice? “Go for food high in monounsaturated fats such as olive oil, avocado and peanut butter. Canola’s had some bad press but in fact contains beneficial omega-6 and omega-3 fatty acids – though it doesn’t have all the health benefits of cold- extracted olive oil. More affordable fats rich in polyunsaturated fats such as sunflower are acceptable in moderate amounts. Include a variety of oils in your diet and most importantly, use fats sparingly!”

Chicken preparation Wash chicken, dry gently. Rub cavity with salt and pepper and insert onion. Halve lemon, squeeze juice from one half into a bowl for basting mixture, insert other half into cavity. Peel garlic, cut each clove into five. Using point of sharp knife, make incisions all over chicken and insert garlic. Tie chicken legs and wings with string to prevent chicken drying out. Baste chicken with mixture of squeezed lemon juice and olive oil. Reserve remaining mixture for basting. Sprinkle coarse salt, black pepper and origanum over chicken.

Send in your recipes and WIN a thislife gym bag for every one we publish! See p 2 for our contact details.

Braaing chicken Place chicken onto the middle of the grill, breast up away from the coals. Place lid on with vents open and allow to braai for 1 and hours. Baste once or twice with remaining olive oil and lemon mixture after an hour.

foodielife

seniormoment

RETIREMENT - CAGE OR CATALYST? hen we’re on the treadmill, retirement can seem like a holy grail. Once that painful boss is off our back and our children are self-supporting, we’ll be able to do what we’ve longed to do for years, won’t we? But retirement doesn’t always work out like that. An unexpected bereavement, serious financial issues and emigrating children can leave South Africa’s senior citizens high and dry. So can our senior citizens turn their lot around?

THE GOLDEN YEARS –

PLUGGING IN

Gillian (71) and Angus (76) Wilson of Church of the Holy Spirit recently helped on their second Habitat for Humanity build with a team from St John’s Parish. What was it like, Gillian? “Hard work but enormous fun.” Best part of it? “Knowing a family now has a substantial house to live in. The lunch provided was amazing, too!” Anything else you’re involved in? “An adult literacy programme at Westlake. It’s the best feeling in the world watching someone’s face light up as they write their name for the first time in their lives.” Anything else? “Well...we’re in a wonderful cell group connected to Church of the Holy Spirit. Our oldest member is a 78 year old.” Your advice to the retired? “There’s so much out there to try out – why not give a few things a go and see if anything works for you?”

Longwinded, moi? Parish administrator Mike Bamford

WORDY MOMENT

Mike’s tongue-twister

Q: What’s your word? A: Hippopotomonstrosesquipedalian Q: What does it mean? A: ‘Pertaining to a very, very long word’ Q: Why do you like it? A: I avoid using one or two syllables when 12 will do...

seniormoment

“Absolutely,” says Karin Tilney, occupational therapist and trained counsellor at Church of the Holy Spirit. “But you need to develop coping strategies. There are five dimensions to wellbeing and if you tackle them all, retirement can be very positive. The elderly have so much to contribute and enjoy. If you are proactive, positive and clear-thinking about retirement, this time can turn out to be the best and most meaningful of your life.” Here thislife offers a good, hard look at those five dimensions to help anyone feeling a little bit becalmed in life. And if you’re just loving your golden years, it may nonetheless be worthwhile considering if your setup is optimal!

EMOTIONAL

There are three levels of communication: 1.FACTS, 2.OPINIONS and 3.FEELINGS. Make sure you are regularly getting down to level 3! If you don’t express your feelings, you can get depressed or anxious. If you tend to suppress your emotions, write a journal reflecting on your day. It’s a powerful tool which can help you realise where you are in life. Church cells or prayer groups are a good place to express your emotions as these tend to develop trusting relationships between people.

SOCIAL

The senior generation can get isolated so it’s important to join group activities: start a ‘Retirement Rocks!’ group and go places together or join a creative/craft group. Even more rewarding is a community upliftment project (see our gogetter section on p 15 if you’re stuck for one). If you connect well with children, get involved. If you don’t have family, there are so many children out there needing help – the son of the single mother next door needing homework help, an underprivileged child in a reading programme. You can be a great help and positive role model in their life. If you’re lucky enough to have your own grandchildren nearby, connect with them by suggesting fun activities. Don’t dump your own stuff on them and be a disciplinarian, find their ‘love language’ and speak it! There are five love languages: gift giving, affirmation, physical affection, acts of service and spending quality time. It’s important to be aware of your own love language but be sure to talk your grandchild’s primary love language and not your own. Limit your time with VDPs (Very Draining People) and spend time with VIPs – people who enhance and encourage you to live at your optimal level of performance.

If you’re thinking negatively you’ll become anxious and negative and this will influence your behaviour – for example, you won’t try things. If you find yourself feeling cynical about the world, this could be depression, but often it is a question of training yourself to develop an ‘attitude of gratitude’. Learning positive bible verses and quoting them can be very helpful here, as can finding two things to be grateful for every single day. Focus on your strengths instead of your weaknesses. How to know when you are thinking negatively? If you think you can read people’s minds (they think I’m boring/ they won’t want to do that) or can predict the future (I won’t have enough money to last me out). Beware – research shows a very strong link between negative thoughts and depression! Worry is a waste of energy, it’s like being in a rocking chair - you are moving but not going forward. Discipline your thought processes to eliminate it.

PHYSICAL

Exercise – even if it’s for the first time in your life! We all need those feel-good endorphins. Spend time in nature and sunshine. Try walking groups/ aqua aerobics/ballroom dancing. To make it fun and regular, find an exercise or prayer partner. Good nutrition and a capped caffeine intake are important. If you suffer from insomnia, tell your GP – for some, a short course of anti-depressants works better than sleeping pills.

SPIRITUAL

You will cope better with stress if you have a close relationship with your creator. Prayer is very powerful and prayer groups can be a joy. Consider creating a ‘prayer triplet’ if you don’t fancy praying in bigger groups, it can be a great support over private matters. If you can’t find friends to pray with, your church can usually connect you with someone. Spend time praising God or in quiet reflection. Learn bible verses and speak them out. A bible study group can also help you grow in your relationship with God. Church support is especially helpful when you are feeling low or distant from God. Connect as much as you can with your church and get involved with everything it offers. God is the great comforter - turn to Him when you are feeling burdened. (Prayer hints on pg. 12)

WIN

lunch at Sostanza coffee shop! We have two vouchers up for grabs worth R150 and R100. Write to/email/sms us suggesting a topic for this page and the two we like best win! Sostanza at The Old Bakery Shopping Centre Corner of Main & Lincoln Road, Lakeside Phone: 021 782 2415/2411

MENTAL

Feeling low or hard done by? Challenge yourself in your thinking process....you CAN teach an old dog new tricks! Your thoughts have a huge impact on your emotions, which in turn dictate your behaviour.

seniormoment

Nick Koster: God gives me direction

HE WAS DUBBED ONE OF THE MOST EXCITING SCHOOLBOY RUGBY PLAYERS TO EMERGE IN RECENT YEARS. NOW 20, NICK KOSTER IS A MEMBER OF THE SUPER 14 STORMERS SQUAD. DURING HIS HIGH SCHOOL YEARS IN CAPE TOWN HE FOUND A NEW CONNECTION WITH GOD. HERE, HE GRACIOUSLY GRANTS thislife A LITTLE PEEK UNDER THE SCRUM CAP.

sportymoment Most irritating habit in self? Not listening to

people when they speak to me. I have selective hearing. Most irritat-

ing habit in others? People who judge and assume without knowing the truth. Favourite snack? Biltong Why The Stormers? I grew up supporting them. Why God? God is what almost everyone on this planet is starved of: love. God gives me direction. Coolest thing about God? He knows every star by name, yet has time and energy for someone as insignificant to the universe as me. He is always there, when you sleep, eat, cry and laugh. Dogs/ cats/other? I have a Jack Russell who gives me

DONT MESS WITH US

so much pleasure and I love him so much that people think I’m weird when

I’m around him. He’s called Fleckie. Guess who was my favourite rugby player when I grew up... Favourite spiritual read/thought/quote? Luke 1:37. Go and look it up. Powerful. Ideal rugby position for 2010? Centre Rugby players who’ve inspired you? Pierre Spies (his athleticism), Schalk Burger (on-field commitment), Johnny Wilkinson (dedication). One thing not a lot of people know about The Stormers

is...They are just a bunch of ordinary people who can kick a ball further, tackle harder and run faster than the average person. We are no heroes.

One thing not a lot of people know about Nick Koster is... I am not as serious as a lot of people think I am. I can be irritatingly immature.

So Keegan, where were you this winter? Enjoying summer in Colorado, Ohio, New York and California. Ok for some. What were you doing there? Helping run holiday soccer camps. What did you learn? We can have a lasting impact on the lives of those we come into contact with. What else did you learn? 1) Christians need to be bold about their faith 2) God can use a soccer ball to bring His message of love. The food? An adventure...specially the St John’s youth pastor Keegan Davids and the Portuguese Panthers with dangerous weapons at soccer camp in Ohio, USA

sportymoment

breakfast burritos stuffed with sausage and scrambled egg.

sportymoment

thoughtlife PRAYER: it’s essential to our walk with God, yet it’s an area where we can often feel at sea. What’s it for? How do we do it? And is there any way we can do it more effectively? Philip Yancey (see opposite) answers many of these questions in his brilliant book “Prayer – does it make any difference?” Here, we offer some of his thoughts from the book on this sometimes frustrating, often bafﬂing but ultimately satisfying - and even transforming - process.

n getting down to it

“Life today conspires against a regular, satisfying prayer time. Reading the classic devotional literature, I am struck by how much of it came from the pens of people who lived in communities organised for that purpose (such as convents and monasteries) or from those who had servants to handle the time-consuming chores (they say nothing of the servants’ prayer lives). I find scant advice on prayer written by a mother of three teenagers or an executive who puts in seventy-hour weeks at the office.

Contact with God doesn’t just provide a moment of spiritual ecstasy; it equips me for the rest of life. I corral a few minutes of calm in the morning in the hope that I can carry some part of that calm into the rest of the day. If I pray consistently, I feel free and strong, able to meet the challenges and temptations of the day. As the psalms demonstrate so well, prayer does not mean retreating away from life, rather bringing the stuff of our world – the rhythms of nature, harassing problems, disturbed emotions, personality conflicts – before God, then asking for a new perspective and new energy to take back to that world....

Add to modern hindrances the barrage of ‘noise’ in an information society – chat room, mobile phones, television, text messaging, iPods, Blackberry Internet devices – and prayer simply gets drowned out. In airports I see business people walking around with Bluetooth earpiece permanently attached to their ears, waiting for the next interruptions. Of course, all the electronics devices have an on/off switch, but somehow their offerings seem more productive or enticing than sitting quietly in conversation with God.

My pastor in Chicago used to pray, ‘God, show me what you are doing today, and how I can be a part of it.’ Amazingly, when I preview my day in prayer, priorities will tend to re-arrange themselves during the course of the day. An unexpected phone call may take on more significance than the scheduled task of finishing my income tax forms.... If I do not schedule such times in the morning or evening, they do not happen of their own accord. I have to make time, just as I make time for physical exercise, for watching the news, for eating.

Let’s be honest: by most standards they are more productive and enticing than prayers. Some manuals on prayer imply that time spent with God will rank as the high point of a day and that prayer flowing spontaneously from anointed lips will usher in miraculous answers. Instead, the prayer finds herself battling boredom, fatigue and a nagging feeling that she’s wasting time. What went wrong? she wonders...”

It’s a challenge! Yancey points out that in a society saturated in instant gratification, prayer loses out.

Why pray?

“It requires discipline, involves persevering through periods of darkness and dryness, and its results are difficult to measure. Rarely does it satisfy emotional cravings right away. Indeed the New Testament presents prayer as a weapon in a prolonged struggle. Jesus’ parables on prayer show a widow pestering a judge and a man pounding on his neighbour’s door.”

“Prayer makes room for the unspeakable, those secret compartments of shame and regret that we seal away from the outside world... I know what happens in human relationships when I remain at a shallow level. With casual friends I discuss the weather, sports, forthcoming concerts and movies, all the while steering clear of what matters more: a suppressed hurt, hidden jealousy, resentment of their children’s rude behaviour, concern for their spiritual welfare. As a result, the relationship goes nowhere. On the other hand, relationships deepen as I trust my friends with secrets.

As with physical exercise, much of the benefit of prayer comes as a result of consistency, the simple act of showing up...For years I resisted a regular routine of prayer, believing that communication with God should be spontaneous and free. As a result I prayed infrequently and with little satisfaction. Eventually I learned that spontaneity often flows from discipline... Athletes and musicians never become great without regular practice. I found that I needed the discipline of regularity to make possible those exceptional times of free communication with God.”

Likewise, unless I level with God – about bitterness over an unanswered prayer, grief over loss, guilt over an unforgiving spirit, a baffling sense of God’s absence – that relationship, too, will go nowhere. I may continue going to church, singing hymns and praise choruses, even addressing God politely in formal prayers, but I will never break through the intimacy barrier. ‘We must lay before Him what is in us, not what ought to be in us,’ wrote C S Lewis. To put it another way, we must trust God with what God already knows.”

“...like a farmer I have known good years and bad years with prayer, seasons of contentment and gratitude and seasons of anguish and dereliction. I expected a straight-line vector of growth, something like the Wall Street charts of mutual funds that steadily gain in value every year. Instead, the line veers up and down erratically like that on a heart monitor. Only later, in retrospect, can I see that the darkest times solidified my faith, and that somehow the words I wrote in those times God used to speak to others.

What does prayer do?

“When I pray, it may seem that I am narrowing my world, retreating from the real world.... Actually, I am entering another world, just as real but invisible, a world that has power to change both me and the world I seem to be retreating from. Regular prayer helps me to protect inner space, to prevent the outer world from taking over...

thoughtlife

On praying in the dark times

Many a pastor knows the experience of returning home Sunday afternoon feeling like a washedout failure, only to hear from a parishioner that the day’s sermon spoke to him more than any other. Perhaps God views our prayers the same way. As C S Lewis wrote, ‘I have a notion that what seem our worst prayers may really be, in God’s eyes, our best. Those I mean, which are least supported by devotional feeling and contend with the greatest disinclination. For these, perhaps, being nearly all will, come from a deeper level of feeling.’

thoughtlife

I may go through a period when it feels as if God is absent, but if God were truly absent everything in the universe would cease to exist. I have learned to recognise that I am going through a particular season, and try not to judge reality based on how I am feeling right now.”

How to pray? Keep it simple

“I have one word of advice: relax... apart from the requirement that we be authentic before God, there is no prescribed way to pray. Each of us presents a unique mix of personality, outlook, training, gifts and weaknesses, as well as a unique history with church and with God. As Roberta Bondi says, ‘If you are praying, you are already “doing it right” ’... Jesus taught a model prayer, the Lord’s Prayer, but otherwise gave few rules. His teaching reduces down to three general principles: keep it honest, keep it simple, and keep it up. Mainly, Jesus pressed home that we come as beloved children to a Father who loves us in advance and cares deeply about our lives. Ask young parents what is the correct way for their toddlers to approach them and you will probably get a puzzled look. Correct way? Being a parent means you do your best to remain available to your children and responsive to their needs. As Jesus said, if a human parent responds with compassion and not hostility, how much more will God.”

On ready-made prayers

“Written prayers serve an especially useful purpose, I have found, during periods of spiritual dryness, when spontaneous prayer seems an impossible chore. I borrow the words, if not the faith, of others when my own words fail. At such a time I have two options. I can stop praying completely, which only serves to distance me further from God. Or I can keep going, asking God to see me through this difficult period, meanwhile leaning on the prayers of others...”

On quickies, biblical phrases and praying in the bath

“Jews and Christians both.... shoot ‘arrow prayers’ towards heaven, messages as brief as “give me strength’ or “Help, Lord!’ Those who struggle with addictions may fire off an arrow prayer every time they pass a bar, see someone smoking, or log on to the Internet. The writer Ann LaMott says her favourite prayers are ‘Thank you, thank you, thank you’, and ‘Help me, help me, help me.’ For me, the words of prayer are less important than the act of remembering. I look for the spaces, the interstices, in my life. Lying awake at night, insomnious. Soaking in a bathtub. Driving. Biding time while my computer reboots. Sitting in a ski lift. Standing in a line in a checkout. Waiting for someone who is late. Riding on a public bus or train. Exercising. Lengthy church services, I find, offer prime opportunities for prayer. Instead of fidgeting or staring at my watch during a lull, I pray. If I remember, I try to turn those otherwise wasted moments into prayers, sometimes with startling results. I find myself more aware of the old woman in front of me fumbling through her

ulti-award winning journalist and writer Philip Yancey has been called the most inspirational spiritual writer of our day. Characterised by his searing honesty and humour, he presents the warts-and-all reality of those trying to find, and follow, God. A global traveller based in America, he visited Cape Town earlier this year to support the Western Cape adult training project Learn to Earn, and graciously allowed thislife a glimpse into his lesser known private life.

Normal coffee/caffe latte? All of the above. The morning requires three half-cups of strong Starbucks-brand filter coffee, a mixed blend of half caffeinated and half decaf so I don’t get the jitters. On

“...like a farmer I have known good years and bad years with prayer”

particularly difficult writing days, intravenous drip works best.

Dogs/cats? Dogs, hands down. Their slobbery unconditional love saw me through a difficult childhood. I can hardly remember all my dogs’ names,

purse. I pray for the people inside as I pass a neighbour’s house, a church, a bar, an AIDS clinic, a university. I pray while watching the news, or during commercials...”

there were so many. (We couldn’t afford the shots, so they died early.)

On fobbing off distractions

neighbour’s Boston terrier.

“For as long as I can remember, I have battled insomnia...The more I concentrate on stopping my thoughts, the more they flood in like a swarm of bees. Trying to relax makes me tense. Listening to the recorded sound of waterfalls and summer rain makes me want to go to the bathroom. And something similar happens when I pray... I have found only a few techniques that actually help me deal with distractions. First, I suppress all interference from electronic devices. I go to a computerless room and let an answering machine cope with my phone calls. Then, I keep a piece of notepaper and a pen at my side. When a stray thought enters my mind – call the contractor, get the oil changed – I simply write it down and relegate it to a pile I’ll take care of later. Sometimes one or two such thoughts come, and sometimes seven or eight. By writing them down, I capture them and keep them from nagging... Whenever I struggle against distractions, I try to remember the advice of theologian Herbert McCabe: People often complain of ‘distractions’ during prayer...This is nearly always due to praying for something you do not really much want; you just think it would be proper and respectable and ‘religious’ to want it. So you pray high-mindedly for big but distant things like peace in Northern Ireland or you pray that your aunt will get better from the flu – when in fact you do not much care about these things; perhaps you ought to, but you don’t. And so your prayer is rapidly invaded by distractions arising from what you really do want – promotion at work, let us say. Distractions are nearly always your real wants breaking in on your prayer for edifying but bogus wants. If you are distracted, trace your distraction back to the real desire it comes from and pray about these. When you are praying for what you really want you will not be distracted. People on sinking ships do not complain of distractions during their prayer.”

On keeping at it

“The God ‘who watches over you will not slumber’, promises a psalm of comfort. Even so, sometimes when we pray it feels as if God has indeed nodded off. Raise your voice... strive on... keep pounding the door.”

I had only one feline pet, a kitten that got eaten by the next door

Butter/margarine? You can’t be serious. Why would anyone slather a petroleum product on toast and vegetables when you can opt for a high-fat, high-cholesterol organic product that needs no artificial colouring? Eating butter is my way of helping the oil crisis.

Cook/delegate? None of the above. When I hole up in the mountains to write, I don’t cook, I “heat” in a microwave: mostly chicken pot pies that never brown on the top. At home I’m the delegatee, not delegator: I follow my culinary wife’s orders and take charge of the cleanup (except for those messy pots and pans).

Frenetic? Relaxed. My idea of relaxing is climbing a mountain or skiing moguls. I sleep better after such activities.

Spending time with God: easy/hard? Depends. Some days it flows, some days it feels like hard work. Over time, I’ve learned to treat spiritual disciplines like physical disciplines: I do them whether I feel like it or not. I keep reminding myself it’s a privilege to communicate with God, and sometimes it actually feels like that. Regardless, my days go better when they start with God.

Most irritating habit? I cringe when I ask a question that reveals I wasn’t really listening to what the person talking to me (usually my wife) just said.

Pink shirt/blue shirt? Both go with my eyes: the irises are blue and the surrounding part is more pink than white, since I rarely get enough sleep.

Take your worst feelings to God

“Instinctively, we want to clean up our feelings in our prayers, but perhaps we have it all backwards. Perhaps we should strive to take all our worst feelings to God. After all, what would be gossip when addressed to anyone else is petition when addressed to God... God can ‘handle’ my unsuppressed rage. I may well find that my vindictive feelings need God’s correction – but only by taking those feelings to God will I have that opportunity for correction and healing.”

thoughtlife

goodread

SPOTLIGHT ON... SAME KIND OF DIFFERENT AS ME By Ron Hall & Denver Moore, with Lynn Vincent, R170 hat’s it about? An unlikely friendship between two men from vastly different backgrounds. Denver Moore is a violent, illiterate former plantation worker living on the streets. Ron Hall is a slick, selfish art dealer, unstoppable in his acquisition of status symbols, regardless of the toll it takes on his family. How are they brought together? Against their will.Thanks to Ron’s wife, Deborah, they meet at a mission for the homeless. Deborah is the only person able to see past Denver’s dangerous exterior and believe he can become the person God meant him to be. Embarassing bit? Ron finds Denver asleep at the mission at midday and assumes he is just lazy. Then he discovers Denver has been up all night praying for a crisis in Ron’s own family. Ron writes poignantly: “I was embarrassed that I once thought myself superior to him, stooping to sprinkle my wealth and wisdom into his lowly life.” Bits we’re not telling you? Most of the book, it would spoil it. What can it do for me? Get you marvelling at how powerfully God can work in people’s lives, and the difference that just one person can make in society. Plus make you laugh – it’s laced with humour.

“I don’t honestly think there’s any substitute for early hours. I don’t think there is any substitute for chewing on Holy Scripture – and chewing, not in a tyrannical way that you’re having all sorts of brilliant aperçus and conceptions. But chewing in the silence and the stillness. Because what you want to do is to be quiet enough for scripture to speak to you every single day.” The Bishop of London

DANGER! Don’t read the preface or look at the photos until afterwards – it could spoil the whole story for you!

Hanging with God: helpful daily stuff Why a ‘daily devotional’? Barring the odd disastrous day, most of us enhance our relationships with family and friends by spending time with them. Likewise, we connect better with God when we regularly spend time with Him. Many people find that a ‘daily devotional’ book (even if they only use it weekly) provides a catalyst and focus for getting into the Bible, asking for God’s guidance, working out His will for their life, and even getting down to their shirtsleeves and wrestling with Him like the Old Testament’s Jacob. How do you use them? Good question. Funnily enough, thislife has just asked five people how and why they use theirs...

Marie Elliot-Jones, head of children’s church at Church of the Holy Spirit and former advertising and pr manager My Utmost for His Highest, Oswald Chambers, R110 (pocket edition R90) “I’ve been using this for years because it speaks so boldly and clearly from God’s word. It’s even more appealing now it’s been updated into contemporary English. I try and manage to get to it daily, because it puts things into a life-changing perspective and helps me remember how it is my relationship with God that matters most, more than anything I can do (or think I do) for Him. It’s not necessarily a ‘feel-good’ devotional but one of rich spiritual insights. It has helped me grow, find great peace, and has seen me through some really tough times through the years!”

Imogen Macdonald, schoolgirl Khula Teens, R60 “I use this from time to time, usually at breakfast or in the car on the way to school. I find a bible reading in it and sometimes read it out to my mother as she drives! I like the fact that each day has different topics – stress, friendships, xenophobia. It’s quite a good start to my day.”

Allen Goliath, youth pastor Closer to God, R65 “I was introduced to Closer to God years ago and often use it. It provides a framework for my daily time with God. The book encourages me to reflect on, pray through and apply the Bible to life. I like the fact that it’s written by South Africans and tackles a wide range of everyday topics.”

Johnny Marr, surgeon Angus Buchan: A Farmer’s Year, R150 “I go in phases with this book. Sometimes I use it every day, at other times I don’t have the time or the energy. In summer I go outside onto the stoep with a cup of good coffee and sit with it as the sun rises, it’s wonderful. Each page has a verse and an explanatory section with advice on how to live your life. It helps me reorientate my focus so that whatever I went to bed with – say, thoughts about my patients, or financial issues – is put in perspective. I remember there is a God out there, and so much more to life than my own little issues.”

Sharon Davis, publications officer Encounter with God, R45 “This is a chance for me to explore the Bible in depth. It may take a little longer but the rewards are great! I value the opportunity to read a section of scripture and study its context before using it to reflect on how it can impact my life. It has challenged my previous assumptions and taught me about the character of God, as well as helping me learn from people who journey with God through their struggles and difficulties.”

Feel like donating a devotional to a child or adult who can’t afford one? contact Sharon at Scripture Union on 083 402 6950

goodread

REACHING OUT

Fancy getting involved?

There’s room for you!

The Warehouse offers a number of opportunities to reach out to those most vulnerable in Cape Town, from working with children and senior citizens to advocacy to sharing entrepreneurial skills and experience. Check out our website www.warehouse.org.za and ring 021 761 1168 and speak to Caroline if you’re interested.

Every month, The Warehouse

Christmas 2009 How can I help right now?

delivers hundreds of ‘love packs’ to vulnerable people.

One of our programmes, Care for Kids ensures that each of the 750 children in the programme receives a Christmas gift. This is the only present most children will receive. We invite individuals and families to be a part of this. Our greatest need is teenage presents, though all donations are welcome. Some ideas for teenage boys: good quality soccer balls, new clothes (eg t-shirts), hair gel, men’s toiletries. Teenage girls: hair accessories, luxury toiletries, fun make-up, perfumes and deodorants, costume jewellery.

What’s behind the process?

Please deliver your gifts to The Warehouse by 4th December 2009 and do NOT wrap them!Come and help wrap and pack them anytime till 8th December – great fun for the whole family! Call Erica on 021 761 1168 for details and any queries.

Ongoing help?

gogetter LOVE JOURNEY OF A

PACK

Love packs are made up of household

food and hygiene items, purchased at local grocery stores each month

2. Time-

givers carefully fill the contents of each love

3. The truck drives to each church individually 4. Love packs are offloaded by church workers 5. Caregivers come pack

What’s The Warehouse? It was established in 2003 to serve the six churches of St John’s Parish,

The love packs are taken home

gogetter

Account name: The Warehouse Trust Account number: 071 883 053 Account type: Current Bank: Standard Bank Branch and code: Claremont, 025109 Swift code: SBZAZAJJ

It has grown into an organisation which serves around 90 churches, reaching out to some of the most vulnerable in our society. It has tabs on many of the urgent needs in greater Cape Town.

The Warehouse is closed from 25 December 2009 to 4 January 2010. 12 Plantation Road, Wetton, 7780 (near the Ottery traffic department) 021 761 1168

www.warehouse.org.za

to help fill the cupboard that month

gogetter

If you feel moved to make a donation, it is tax-deductible as we are a public benefit organisation - and we can help with the paperwork!

Wynberg, in their response to poverty and injustice.

and retrieve their family’s love pack

We invite you to partner with some of the poorest people in our city and contribute to our packs (food and hygiene and stationery) which we regularly distribute. Call Caroline for details. We are also delighted to recyle your quality second-hand or new furniture, clean clothes and linen – as we wish to bless people fully with your gifts, please make sure all items are in good condition. Call Caroline regarding big items to establish if we can use them and arrange collection.

gogetter

gogetter gogetter

gogetter

Sticky, stickier, stuck? Submit your sticky issues! The one we judge to be the most challenging will

WIN you two nights for four at Elangeni, a delightful 5-star rated selfcatering

villa in Trovato (www.elangeni.net). Prize to be taken between 1 March and 31 May 2010, subject to availability.

stickyissues Why would a loving and all-powerful God let us suffer?

“M

y friend Ian died at 23 of cancer. At his funeral, through recordings, he shared his confidence in God’s life-giving work in Jesus Christ that meant he faced death with peace and thankfulness. The life flowed from his words so powerfully, and I laughed and wept alternately with admiring affection and grieving loss.

REV GORDON CROWTHER Church of the Holy Spirit

Such is the mystery and complexity of pain and suffering. The answers sometimes seem simple, until we are personally implicated. Why doesn’t God stop it? Why me? Why do some experience healing while others don’t? We can never solve suffering but we can resolve it in our lives. The bible story of Job - a man in agony - is such a story of resolution. After much

questioning and different attempts at explanation by his so-called friends, God speaks. And God’s answer is a series of 64 questions: questions which challenge the willingness of the questioner to receive an answer. Are you willing to surrender yourself to God? G K Chesterton wrote: “God is like the sun; you cannot look at it, but without it, you cannot look at anything else.” My friend Ian’s sister walked away from faith in Christ the day of Ian’s funeral. Ian’s death led me towards Christ, but I could not resolve suffering until I personally encountered the one who suffered for love and conquered the curse of death in me. On the basis of what I now know, I can trust Him for what I don’t know. “Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for you are with me...”

Is tithing meant to be from your net or your gross income? to the tithing of the condiments used in cooking and other small things.

“T

ithing is a hot topic amongst some Christians. This is not new, it was also a hot topic amongst a group called the Pharisees during the ministry of Jesus. In Matthew 23, Jesus responds to the Pharisees’ strict tithing practices with a warning, “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you tithe mint and dill and cumin, and have neglected the weightier matters of the law: justice and mercy and faithfulness. These you ought to have done, without neglecting the others. You blind guides, straining out a gnat and swallowing a camel!”

REV JOHN ATKINSON Christ Church, Kenilworth

Apart from the humour of the last statement about swallowing a camel - which I have on good authority was a very funny image at the time - there is a very solemn warning here. Tithing, like many other things we do, can become a distraction from the more important issues of our relationship with God. Notice that Jesus did not say they should stop tithing (“These things you should have done without neglecting the others.”) Presumably the others referred

What Jesus is pointing out here is a good attitude and a sense of proportion. Not spending too much time fussing over issues that are of less importance at the expense of the big and more difficult issues of life. Our question could very easily become such a distraction. So now we have the principle, how do we apply it to our question? First of all there is the matter of attitude. What should my attitude be about giving? On the one hand, if the question is an honest one from a sincere heart, the response would be: give what you can. On the other hand, if the question comes from a desire to give as little as possible, the answer to this question would be, find ways to give more! Second, there is the issue of generosity. We serve a generous God who calls us to be His imitators. When you have given a tenth of your net income, look for opportunities to give more. Make a tenth your gross income a goal to be achieved for the sheer joy of giving. If you can surpass that, it will be because the joy of giving has taken hold.

NEWSFLASH: KILPATRICKS HIT CAPE TOWN Scotland’s finest and St Luke’s new minister, Alan Kilpatrick, landed with his large family in South Africa in August, on one of the coldest, rainiest evenings Cape Town has to offer. Met at the airport by a small St Luke’s contingent, they were whisked off to Kalk Bay and forcefed Kalky’s fish and chips until they no longer noticed the weather. Born in Scotland, Alan worked in banking and computers until God made His plans clear. After his ordination, he served in London, the USA and Brighton. An acoustic and bass guitarist, he can already be found in the St Luke’s worship band with his singing elder daughter Jasmine. His Kenyan-born wife Jan worked in sales and marketing but more recently has been involved in a number of ministries, including women and prisons.

ALAN IN BRIEF Secular passions? Star-gazing, 19th century English novels, coffee shops. What made you want to come here? A couple of clinchers. The opportunity to work in the areas of justice and poverty and to work with a church that desires to reach out to the younger generation. What do you like about Cape Town? The mountains - just like Scotland! What kind of ministry fires you up? Preaching, social action and justice, leading others to reach out with the love of Jesus St Luke’s? I sense God may want it to become a place where the broken, addicted and hurting can find healing and freedom. NEW @ ST LUKE’S: Alan and Jan Kilpatrick with Jasmine (15), Keziah (13), Nathan (11) and Rowan (8)

stickyissues

Planning to wear a kilt in church or around town? Absolutely. Scottish and proud of it. Can Cape Town take it, though?

stickyissues

WIN! If you’re 13 to 18, submit your photolog. If we

teenlife

use yours, you win a thislife lumo cap and R200! Contact details p 2. Emails 2MB or under, please.

Hey, I’m

Olivia

from Church of the

Alex, I’m 14 and I go to

Holy Spirit. This is my

Hi I’m

family and here’s one

St Luke’s. This is my family and

day in my life – my

here’s my Friday! Waking up is

14th birthday party!

the most difficult part of my day. The process from bed to bathroom can take ages

My dad’s a DIY nut but we love him for it! We spent a good chunk of time and effort on this flag

My close friends arrived to help me set up for the party, but obviously we had to pose in front of the flag first. It was seriously

My first attempt at baking a cake. Let’s just say it tasted a lot better than it looked!

smelly but I love it!

Gym at 5am! Gotta keep fit for

rugby. Breakfast varies but my favourite is Milo cereal Wynberg

Let the

Boys’ High!

hippy party commence...

We felt pretty lightheaded after blowing up all those balloons

The cake may have been ugly but boy, it vanished in record time. I swear I saw someone licking the plate...

EXCLUSIVE WITH...

THE ARROWS

Where are they from? Durban. Greatest success so far? Hit single Next Time from their debut album, The Arrows.What do they sound like? Stunning mixture

of jazz, pop and experimental – like nothing you’ve heard before. And the lyrics are cool too. Check it out on YouTube. Watch out for... their new album, out soon.

Twitter opportunity? TWITTER.COM/THEARROWSSA Where’s the exclusive bit? Right here. Lead singer and song-

writer Pamela de Menezes and drummer Christie Desfontaine talked EXCLUSIVELY to thislife. Most embarrassing moment? (Pam) You can’t be serious! It involves being six, a ballet exam, and not having enough time to go to the toilet... it’s just nasty. When I’m grumpy I .... (Christie) Need to sleep. Worst habit? (Christie) Um... probably obsessive cleaning. Coolest thing in others? (Pam) People are cool for different reasons, but I always look out for a sense of humour about themselves. Coolest thing about God? (Pam) There are too many! But one of them is His patience with the human race. (Christie) There are far too many to even begin to talk about! Seriously. I need to write a book about that.

teenlife

I’m a

drummer in a band called

Twilight Jazz with some of the boys from school. Here’s Mikalyn and me practising at my house

St Luke’s youth group. We always have fun - and always end off with something great to eat!

teenlife

Hi, I’m Lucy! I’m 11, I go to CHS (Church of the Holy Spirit) and I’m desperate to be an actress. I love sweets, puppies, kittens, little lambs, sandboarding, ice-skating and the Jonas Brothers. I’m going to marry Zac Efron one day. Here’s my Saturday.

Wake up, it’s the weekend, hallelujah

Watching tv in my pjs!

Studying hard with my friend Zama!!!

Hmm...not much in here.

Yay! I caught the pancake

Lunch with da family (sis Imogen took the pic). Check Mum’s table manners - pointing and elbow!

My cat Lady Grey all cosy!

Playing “bouncy ball bounce” with my brother Fergie

Family braai - Imogen and I checking our cousins eat their supper.

Reading in bed... or trying to

CURIOUS KIDS

Acrobatics with Lucky, best Labrador in the world

Share your world with us

e asked some Grade 6 children in the parish to write down any questions they had about God on a piece of paper, only giving their names if they wanted to! Here is one of the questions they asked. Answer by Rev John Atkinson of Christ Church, Kenilworth.

Calling all 12 year olds and under! Send

us a day in your life in photos!

How do we know if the Bible hasn’t been changed over the years and there are parts that are not truthful?There is a very simple

If we publish your photolog,

answer to this question. We have some very old copies of bible manuscripts which, when

you win 20 of these

you compare them to your own bible, are the same. A good example of this is the Isaiah scroll

scrumptious, ultra-desirable

which was found in 1947, having been hidden in a cave near the Dead Sea in the Judean desert.

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This scroll dates to 180 years before Jesus’ ministry which makes it more than 2000 years old. If the

or other celebration from the brand

Bible had been changed over the years you would expect there to be big differences between

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this ancient scroll and modern versions of the book of Isaiah. The fact is that they are the same -

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proof that the Bible has not been altered.

072 663 4049)

WIN a cool thislife lumo cap! Send a Curious Kids question to

(see p2 for contact details).

thislifemag@gmail.com or sms it to us on 076 905 2338. If we publish yours, you win it!

younglife

who? what? where? The hub: St John’s Parish, Wynberg The parish comprises six Anglican churches, detailed on this page, which are varied in tradition and worship style but united in ethos.

PARISH OFFICE:

St John’s Road, Wynberg 7800 Tel: 021 761-9020 Fax: 762-5970 e-mail: stjohns@stjohns.org.za

ST JOHN’S CHURCH

EMMANUEL CHURCH

St John’s Road, Wynberg 7800 Tel: 021 797 8968 Email: theoffice@stjohns.org.za

Ottery Road, Wynberg Tel 021 797 0179 email: Emmanuel. Wynbergct@telkomsa.net

Christmas 2009: 24 December Midnight communion 23h00 25 December Family communion 08h30 Regular services: call the church

Christmas 2009: 24 December 11pm midnight mass 25 December 9am Christmas day worship Regular services: call the church

CHRIST CHURCH, KENILWORTH

ST LUKE’S CHURCH

Richmond Road, Kenilworth 7708 Tel 021 797 6332 Email: reception@christ-church.org.za www.christ-church.org.za

Annandale Road, Diep River Tel: 021 712 6690 Email: admin@stlukes.org.za

Christmas 2009: 24 December Crib service (aimed at children) 17h00 25 December Christmas services 07h00, 09h00, 11h00 Regular services: call the church Minister? Duncan Mclea assisted by Jeremy Jobling and Charlotte Brown (his greatest weaknesses: emailing last thing at night, Grey’s Anatomy, giving ref passionate advice when Stormers are losing)

Christmas 2009: 20 December Carol Service 18h30 24 December 2009 Midnight Service 23h00 (or maybe 23h30) 25 December 09h00 Holy communion/family service Regular services: call the church Minister? Alan Kilpatrick (three greatest weaknesses: admin, admin, admin).

ST PHILIP’S CHURCH

38 Raapkraal Road, Kirstenhof Tel: 021 701 3201 Email: office@chsct.org.za

Range Road, Kenwyn Tel: 021-788-4623 Email: michael@stphilips.org.za

Christmas 2009: 24 December Crib service (5pm, time tbc) 25 December God has done it! (8am and 10am) Regular services: call the church

Christmas 2009: 24 December Holy communion 22h30 25 December Holy communion 09h00 Regular services: call the church Minister? Michael Bailey (three greatest weaknesses: chocolate, Soduku, his grandchildren)

rhubarb crumble, mountain tops, pretending not to enjoy romantic comedies)

COURSES FOR 2010

WHO’S THIS?

Various members of St John’s Parish recently teamed up to build a Habitat for Humanity house in Mfuleni for the family of No-Amen Thembeka Manka

Breakaway faction from Christ Church’s AMBIES youth group, which paddled en masse down the Orange River in September, becoming intimate with scorpions en route. Check them out on... Facebook, ‘Ambassadors Youth’

Alpha @ St Luke’s: 1st term and again 2nd term Alpha @ Christ Church: 1st term going into 2nd term, starts 17th February Alpha @ Emmanuel: 3rd term

KATIE ON THE GO

CLOTHES STORE OPENS

who? what? where?

CHURCH OF THE HOLY SPIRIT

Minister? Gordon Crowther (three greatest weaknesses:

GOING UP

Not content with her recent six months on the Africa Mercy hospital ship in Benin, midwife Katie Christie of Church of the Holy Spirit is headed for Freetown, Sierra Leone to help launch a much-needed maternity hospital. It’s not a moment too soon for a country with one of the highest maternal and neonatal mortality rates in the world. We applaud her. PS This is a volunteer position, so anyone wishing to partner financially with Katie in any way is invited to contact her on christie.katie@googlemail.com (this address will work in Freetown, too).

Minister? Jim Harris (three greatest weaknesses: motorcycling, good wine, theological conversations)

Minister? Andrew Gready (three greatest weaknesses: single malt whisky, convertibles, lemon meringue pie)

www.stjohns.org.za

WHAT IS ALPHA? ALPHA (www.alpha.org) is a fun, non-threatening course which examines the claims of Christianity, aimed particularly at anyone who doesn’t attend church or who seeks to ‘brush up’ their spirituality. It’s nondenominational and has been attended by over 12 million people in 163 countries worldwide.

Parenting Teens @ Christ Church, 2nd term NB This is not a comprehensive list of all courses to be run early next year, contact any of the above churches any time for latest info

Join a group? Fancy a fortnightly meal and talk with a group of like-minded people? Whether you’re a churchgoer or not, there is a place for you! Christ Church’s connect groups meet across the southern suburbs of Cape Town, often in people’s homes. For more details about who, when and where visit our webpage www.christ-church.org.za/connect-groups. Contact Church of the Holy Spirit to ask about their cluster groups too.

Beyond Divorce @ Christ Church, starts 9 February

Looking for a bargain? Visit the brand new feel good store in Ralph Street, Claremont. Foschini has teamed up with Learn to Earn (an adult training and upliftment project linked to St John’s Parish). Customer returns and limited samples are made good as new and sold for extremely reasonable prices. All profits are put back into the project.

who? what? where?

Marriage Course @ Christ Church (weekly candlelit dinner with your spouse included!), starts 28 January Boundaries Course @ Christ Church (helps us reflect on our life and work out what our responsibilities are - and what they are not), starts 21 January (mornings)

who? what? where?

Calling all mothers...come and chill with other mothers of babies and toddlers at Moms connect Venue? Relaxed @ Christ Church. Timing? Thursdays @ 10. Want more info? Contact Jill Mathew on 072 230 0281 or jjmathew@telkomsa.net. Who’s invited? Anyone: those in the parish, and those who’ve never heard of it.

who? what? where?

who? what?

TOP 10

feelgood

ant to give a present that goes on giving?

There’s a wealth of fabulous gifts out there that

PRESENTS

benefit upliftment projects - you just have to know where to look. thislife has taken the schlep out of it for you and tracked down 10 fabulous gift ideas! 1. WHAT’S COOKING? R40 per apron, Siphuxolo HIV Support Group. Purchase from The Warehouse, 12 Plantation Rd, Wetton or call Siyamboleka/ Barry Lewis on 021 761 1168. Last purchase date before Christmas 2009: 23 December. 2. LIFE FORCE Give a subscription for a weekly box of organic veg grown in Khayelitsha. From R65 weekly, Harvest of Hope. Email harvestofhope@abalimi.org.za or call Tracy – Lee on 021 371 1653. Closed 15 December 2009 to 12 Jan 2010. 3. GOD’S DREAM by Desmond Tutu, R102, all good bookshops. 4. ORGANIC SOAP, R30, Township Trade. From Kwalapa Organic Wholefoods Store, Montebello, 31 Newlands Ave, 021 687 9314 or Vanessa, 079 916 1033 5. BUTTON UP From R40, Westlake United Church Trust, call Judy 083 651 3032. Last purchase date before Christmas 2009: 30 November. Reopens 15 January 2010. 6. ‘MAMMOTH’ TEA COSY From R90, Nitwits Community Knit Project. Visit The Love Project, 55 Kloof Street or call Lize Engelbrecht, 072 972 2044. Last purchase date before Christmas 2009: 24 December. Reopens 4 Jan 2010. 7. LUMO LOVE Heart bookmarks from R35, Heartfelt Project. Visit The Love Project, 55 Kloof Street or call Lize Engelbrecht, 072 972 2044. Last purchase date before Christmas 2009: 24 December. Reopens 4 Jan 2010. 8. YUM Khayelitsha Cookies. From R7,50 per box. Call Ardri 021 510 2300. 9. UNBREAKABLE Ultra funky silicone-and-mosaic vase, made to order in colours of your choice (lead time two weeks). Silicone products start at R50, Learn to Earn, mail orders to brc@learntoearn. org.za or call 021 361 5972 / 021 685 0540 10. HEY SUCKER Candy for Life, R5, call Natasha 079 886 8772