Issue 2 by Thislife Magazine

Issue no 2

thislife

FREE

LADUUMAAA! Why I brave the criticism, by SA’s World Cup ref

HELP! I feel so jealous

Exclusive!

Soccer icon Lucas Radebe on the bling trap

What would Jesus say about liposuction?

CURRY

SEX AND

to warm your world

THE TEEN

Top 10 Stressbusters for seniors

Wayne Jacobsen:

‘I’m in recovery from religion’

for anyone who ever wondered about God

contents ON THE COVER

Hello... to the second issue of

04 05 06 12 17 18 20 24

and

welcome

The thislife team. Okay, okay, we’re not models but our clothes are quite colourful

THEY SAID IT “When you and I have reached the end of our brief journey on this earth, nothing will matter to us more than the quality of our families and the depth of our relationship with God.” James Dobson

A special thank you to the CAPE TOWN SCHOOL OF PHOTOGRAPHY, who lent us their studio.

divert and maybe even challenge you!

many different quarters and have forged AHEAD with a second, bigger issue.

Who is thislife for? Anyone who ever wondered about God (yes including the biggie, DOES HE EXIST?) Anyone who wonders how He fits into their daily life. Anyone who wonders how He fits into other people’s daily lives. Failing that, anyone who likes food/sport/agony columns/helping others/ winning prizes. And if you need further encouragement, dear reader, know this: one of our many prizes includes chocolate. Who’s behind thislife? Six Anglican churches comprising St John’s Parish, Wynberg, Cape Town (see p 23) and a large community outreach station, the Warehouse (see p 18). Also our sponsors, without whom this magazine would be the size of a postage stamp. WE THANK YOU. A LOT. What’s this about MY INPUT? Thanks for mentioning it. DON’T FORGET to give it - What you like about thislife. What you don’t like. Any reaction you had to something someone said or wrote in this magazine. Photos. Thoughts. Testimonies. WHAT HELPS YOU BE NICE TO IRRITATING PEOPLE. Jokes (we really like good ones). Email us. Sms us. Fax us. Or physically drop off anything you have to offer at our office (all details below). PS DON’T FORGET TO ENTER OUR COMPETITIONS! THERE’S A VERY GOOD CHANCE OF WINNING.

photographic studio

Want to enter a competition, give input or send a comment or question to anyone who wrote in this magazine? • Email Katy at thislifemag@gmail.com (If you send pics by email, please shrink them first, all emails 2MB and under, please)

• Sms Katy on 076 905 2338 • Fax Katy on 021 658 4140 • Physically deliver anything (mark it ‘Katy @ thislife’) to the St John’s Parish office. It’s the brick hall off the large sandy car park at St John’s Church, St John’s Road, Wynberg (above Springfield Convent), tel 021 761 9020

welcome

Thanks Philip, we love your books too. Ed.

Georgie,

our winner of 20 superior birthday cupcakes from The Cupcake Boutique

welcome

Dear thislife Congratulations on thislife magazine. Colour good, reading good and informative. However, I find the size too big for posting purposes to ex-parishioners who are out of town and it would be a great help if the size could be reduced. Mavis Stubbs, St Philip’s Church Kenwyn (By hand) Dear Mavis, thank you for taking the trouble to write. We are experimenting with size and the reason we have gone big for the moment is that it enables us to use bigger pictures, which we love, particularly as the world has become a very visual place. We have had a number of comments on the size of the magazine, the great majority of them positive. However, we always remain open to the possibility of change and encourage you and other readers to keep giving feedback. In the meantime, might I suggest that you fold the magazine when posting it?

THANK YOU Photographer

welcome

Philip Yancey Colorado, USA (By email)

“Be sure of this, that I am with you, even to the ends of the world.” Jesus Christ

This magazine needs YOU! If you have a few spare hours and fancy helping us out, call us, you won’t regret it…

(thank you for your numerous messages, please keep them coming...)

We just got back from Ethiopia last night and in the pile of mail was your beautiful magazine. It’s great! Good variety, clean and appealing design, strong content. I know of nothing like it on the parish level. Drink a glass of champagne on me, OK? You should feel very proud.

to lend us for an hour or so for our next edition, please contact us right away…

CALLING ALL ADMIN-LOVERS

Dear thislife

Until you try and sit in their pews

No friend or lover, no husband or wife, no community or commune will be able to put to rest our deepest cravings for unity and wholeness.” Henri Nouwen

Letters Reactions to our launch issue…

winners!

Some people are kind, polite and sweet-spirited

“No guilt in life, no fear in death, this is the power of Christ in me.” Lyrics from “In Christ Alone” by Stuart Townend and Keith Getty

If anyone out there has a

welcome What we’re about/contact details mylife Former prisoner Jonathan Clayton: how my life turned around teenlife How my parents’ divorce made me feel paparazzi Did our snappers catch YOU in the act? thoughtlife ‘I’m in recovery from religion’: author Wayne Jacobsen and now for something completely different… betterlife Care for kids: a life changed younglife Georgie’s photolog. WIN a trip for two to cool runnings toboggan track goodread ‘books that have inspired me’ and WIN new books who?what?where? Courses for YOU: divorce recovery, parenting, alpha, boundaries, marriage prep…PLUS your guide to the churches of St John’s Parish, Wynberg

“We were made by God and for God and until you figure that out, life isn’t going to make sense.” Rick Warren

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” Jesus Christ

Polite request:

Katy Macdonald Ed

“Are we searching for answers or do we just want a jelly sandwich?” Herschel Girls’ School matric drama class 2009

AND THE REST 02 08 11 13 14 16 19 21 22 23

thislife, a magazine which aims to encourage,

ENCOURAGINGLY, we had a hugely positive response to the first issue of thislife from

foodielife Curry to warm your world soccerlife Lucas Radebe on God and the bling trap parentlife Sex and the teen seniormoment Top 10 stressbusters and WIN posh sunhats stickyissues What would Jesus say about liposuction? and WIN a candelit dinner for two agony Help! I feel so jealous sportymoment Jerome Damon, our very own World Cup ref: ‘I love the challenge’ feelgood Fabulous presents that uplift as they give

Warm regards, Ed

Tonya Hester once agreed to

thislife

Hi thislife

take a photo for . Six months later she finds herself working round the clock as picture editor, food stylist, assistant graphic designer and chief encourager of the editor...oh, and photographer too. All on a voluntary basis. We salute her for her selfless dedication and for never, ever dropping a ball. Tonya has just launched a photographic business. Weddings, portraits, arty stuff, even your pets. She comes with our highest recommendation.

Vivien Spires,

winner of our lunchfor-two at Sostanza Restaurant

I need to tell you how impressed I am with thislife mag. There are hardly any mags worth reading front to back these days, but this one is worth it all the way through! I just love it. Simona Wessels Church of the Holy Spirit (By sms)

Have your say. We’d love to hear from you. Contact details on p 2.

www.blackdotred.co.za or 082 920 6624.

welcome

this page proudly sponsored by Drs Dommisse & Partners, Colinton Road, Newlands

foodielife

Photo and front cover photo of Lucas Radebe courtesy of Independent Newspapers

CAPE MALAY CURRY

Who’s the cook? Mark Kleinschmidt, St Philip’s Church When do you cook this? “At least once a month. On their feast days, our Muslim neighbours used to share this with the whole community when I grew up.” Curry cooks: Mark and family at work

Ingredients

(4 to 6 people)

• 50 ml cooking oil • 2 medium onions • 1 kg beef, cut into chunks • 1 tablespoon fresh crushed ginger, garlic and coriander mix (or 1 tsp of each) • 2-3 pieces stick cinnamon • 2 whole cloves • curry leaves to taste, around 5 • 1 tsp leaf masala mix (if not available use curry powder) • ½ tsp turmeric • salt to taste • 1 tsp sugar (optional) • 2 tsp tomato paste • 1 cup water • 2 medium tomatoes, skinned and grated • 4-5 medium potatoes, peeled and cubed

Method

FOOD FACTS

Eva Warren of Christ Church, Kenilworth, registered dietitian

ne minute with a dietitian

Lucas Radebe, Bafana Bafana ex-captain and global icon: ‘Success is not in my own hands’

Heat oil in a medium sized saucepan and braise chopped onions and curry leaves on a

Is curry healthy? It’s great as it uses many spices and herbs which

medium heat until golden brown for about 5 minutes. Add meat and braise for a further 50-60

add flavour and reduce the amount of salt needed. Always use salt

minutes until tender on medium to slow heat. Mix the spices - garlic, ginger, coriander,

sparingly. For the healthiest curry, buy the leaner cuts of red meat

cinnamon, cloves, leaf masala, turmeric, salt, sugar and tomato paste in a cup of boiling

and trim off all visible fat before cooking. Red meat contains a lot of fat

water. Allow a few minutes to draw. Pour the mix into the saucepan, mix into the meat and cook for a further 30 minutes, stirring frequently. Add the potatoes and cook for 10 minutes

throughout the meat, called marbling, so you could also make the curry with fish or chicken (skin removed first), and increase the soluble fibre content by adding dry or canned beans or lentils. These are affordable,

or until the potatoes are soft, then stir in the coriander leaves. Serve with white rice and onion

high in protein and low in fat. What does soluble fibre do? It helps

and tomato salad or mango atjar.

reduce cholesterol levels and regulates blood sugar.

PERSPIRATION TIP: Make this hotter or milder by adjusting amount of masala and curry mix. If you subtract heat, add more turmeric and tomato paste.

soccerlife

one minute with... Lucas Radebe

is mother said he would never make a living out of soccer…but Lucas Radebe PROVED HER WRONG. Not only did he make a living out of it, he became a NATIONAL ICON in the process. Born in 1969 in one of the toughest areas of Soweto, this gentle giant started playing soccer to combat boredom, and went on to captain two World Cup squads for Bafana Bafana. He also made it internationally, captaining British club Leeds United during some of their most triumphant seasons and so endearing himself to Leeds fans that ‘Radebebeer’ was the MOST POPULAR SUGGESTION for a new beer brought out by a local brewery.

TEMPTATIONS

that face all soccer players at the top of their game. ucas is respected globally for avoiding many of the No stranger to pain following the death of his wife Feziwe, he retired from football in 2005 and has been busy ever since, especially in his encouragement of young soccer players. In April Radebe was awarded the prestigious Professional Footballers’ Association MERIT AWARD, an honour usually reserved for Englishmen that puts him in the illustrious company of such as Bobby Charlton and George Best. Lucas has two sons, Lucas Hugo and Owami.

2010

soccer

greats

Favourite snack? Energy bars I really should stop… Eating too much Pink shirt/blue shirt/black shirt? Blue Cappuccino/rooibos? Rooibos Your feelings about World Cup 2010?

I am really excited that South Africa is hosting the biggest sporting event in the world and am looking forward to some great football

Our family eats this come rain or shine

What kept you going at the beginning at Leeds? You were new in town, were played out of your natural defence position and even had to endure racism… I am mentally

this page proudly sponsored by Gardens Centre

quite a strong and disciplined person. It was very tough in England initially but I was determined to be successful

team from the public, and they always expect you to be at your best

When you became successful, you were faced with the ‘bling trap’ that tempts so many top soccer players today (constant partying, abnormal expenditure, etc). Your reputation is fantastic - how did you keep all this in perspective? I was always brought up

Is it true you stole cars as a teenager? Yes

to keep my feet on the ground and to remember where I came from

The challenges of being captain of Leeds United? The hardest thing was leading the different

How God? I came to realise that my success was not in my own hands

Why God? I can simply sum it up by saying the Lord is my shepherd The hardest thing you have ever experienced? Losing my wife Fezi. Thankfully with

personalities from different cultures and countries

my faith and the support of friends and family I was helped through this very difficult period

The challenges of being captain of Bafana Bafana? There are great expectations on the national

would have done unto you

Favourite spiritual bit? Do unto others as you

this page proudly sponsored by the Levett family “There is nothing you can do to make God love you any more and there is nothing you can do to make God love you any less.” (Philip Yancey)

SEX AND THE TEEN

parentlife HOW DO WE START TALKING TO OUR TEENS ABOUT SEX?

And what do we say anyway? It’s an icky subject on both sides. But an exciting new parenting book which recently emerged from Holy Trinity Brompton, London, could just help. Nicky and Sila Lee, authors of The Marriage Course and its best-selling spinoff, The Marriage Book, have followed up with a book that provides real insight into how to be a good parent. Longtime parents themselves (see their interview opposite), their experience is that although some people instinctively parent well, good parenting can be learnt, too (phew!) Full of tips and practical tools from tantrums to how to really listen to your child, The Parenting Book is based on biblical values and there’s a section on spirituality at the end. But you don’t have to be Christian to use this book – it’s a mainstream publication aimed at encouraging and inspiring all parents. Here are excerpts (slightly edited for space reasons) from the chapter ‘Sex and Sexuality’.

“Parents - especially fathers have largely abandoned their responsibility for teaching their children about sex ... Instead they have left them to glean what they can from teen magazines in which the underlying message is that sexual activity is the norm.” John Claire – journalist

caught through intimacy without having intercourse. No contraceptive is 100% effective. Countless unwanted pregnancies end in abortion as teenagers attempt to undo their mistakes. Many struggle with deep feelings of sadness and guilt. These emotions can lead to depression, suicidal tendencies, substance abuse, personality changes and difficulty in forming close relationships. ‘Safe sex’ means abstinence outside marriage.

or some parents it is not only embarrassment that stops them talking about sex, it is more that they don’t know what to say. In today’s culture there are few topics that are more important. In a survey of 11 to 14 year olds, 75% said they wanted their parents to talk to them about sex. Sex education must begin at home.

Why talk to our children about sex? Helping them face the pressures

Myth 4: Pornography is harmless fun People justify this by saying they are not harming anyone, but pornography damages everyone involved. It is highly addictive and promises enjoyment, but causes people to become disgusted with themselves and deeply unsatisfied. It destroys relationships through feelings of betrayal, jealousy, mistrust, resentment, disgust and deep hurt. Addicts find themselves trapped in a secret and isolated world. For adolescents, it separates sex from its rightful context of love and commitment. Addiction to pornography can seriously affect a boy’s ability to form and sustain a loving marriage.

Our children face pressures on three fronts, firstly the onset of puberty, secondly culture around them and thirdly peer pressure. They need our support and guidance. We cannot avoid discussing this vital aspect of their growing up. If we feel talking about sex is new territory, imagine how they feel!

Helping them aim for the best We live in an age that has cheapened sex and commercialised sexual desire. As we teach our children the positive aspects, they will more easily understand the negative consequences of physical intimacy outside the context of a loving, committed relationship. By being open with them, we help them to delay. Whatever our beliefs, we must work out how best to explain them to our children, and take the time to do so. They need to learn how to control their sexual desire so they do not hurt themselves or others through ignorance or misuse. Passing on clear values will help protect and motivate them to want more meaningful and enduring relationships.

Help them to see through the myths about sex

Myth 1: Sex is mainly about satisfying our own desires

The availability of pornography through the web has made it imperative to address the subject with our children before they become exposed to it.

Myth 5: Living and sleeping together will help couples decide if they are right for each other

The Parenting Book, R170, available from Scripture Union (021 686 8595). The Parenting Course, connected to this book, is run from time to time at Christchurch, Kenilworth. See p 23 for details.

The media is a major influence on society’s attitudes and values. Seldom does a film portray a sexual relationship within the context of a long-term committed relationship. Every lasting sexual relationship has to be worked at in a spirit of mutual honesty and trust over many years, long after the initial infatuation has died down. It is not principally about satisfying our own desires, rather about giving ourselves in love and faithfulness to another person. Our children need to know that it is not only possible, but also healthy and normal, to exercise restraint and self control. Our responsibility is to help our children know the truth and aim for what we believe to be the best.

Myth 6: Sex is unfortunate and embarrassing Some parents portray sex to their children like this. Others avoid it altogether in the hope of avoiding premarital sex. Such negative messages undermine a healthy view of sex for children entering adolescence. Those who have been sexually abused may only have a negative view. If, as an adult, you struggle to see marital sex positively, you should be encouraged to seek help.

How do we talk to our children about sex?

Myth 2: A variety of sexual partners provides good experience

1. Little and often

We must explain the deep emotional, psychological and even spiritual union that is formed through sexual intercourse. The Bible describes this as a man and a woman becoming ‘one flesh’. Couples who sleep together and later split up tear apart this ‘one flesh’ bond. This can leave wounds and scars that are difficult to heal. Encouraging our children to keep sex for marriage recognises the best context within which to build a strong, intimate relationship.

Sitting our children down at some magic age and giving them the ‘big talk’ is not the answer. Knee-jerk reactions are equally ineffective. Much more effective is the ‘drip feed’ method over many years. This is not easy, and many parents feel poorly equipped. We know our children better than anyone and can be confident that we can pass on our beliefs and values. Talking little and often as opportunities arise gives children lessons for life.

Myth 3: Protected sex makes sex okay

Talking regularly in shorter chunks gives children time to think and ask questions, and prevents the subject becoming over-intense. Giving a lecture or bombarding them with too much information can put them off. It can be even more awkward if we talk about sex from too personal a perspective.

The high number of unmarried teen pregnancies stems, in part, from incomplete and misleading messages. The ‘safe’ message suggests that using a condom will prevent pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases. Neither is entirely true. Firstly, condoms are less than 85% successful when used by inexperienced teenagers, and secondly because some sexual diseases can be

parentlife

Cohabitation is widely accepted as normal in the West but it lays weak foundations for marriage. Couples who do so are more likely to split up than those who don’t. Some have not had long enough to test the depth of their relationship before starting a sexual relationship. They can easily drift into marriage rather than seeing it as a decisive moment of commitment. As parents, we want our children to choose their marriage partner wisely. Keeping sex for marriage will help them do so.

parentlife

2. Starting at a young age The sooner we start talking about sex the better, but it must be appropriate to the child’s age. It is helpful to discuss some issues ahead of time, such as bodily changes at puberty, so they are prepared when they reach this stage.

3. Taking the initiative Finding books appropriate to different aged children and teenagers can open up a conversation and build understanding of both the facts and our values about sex. Some books and magazines that older children read may not hold our values. Whatever we allow them to read, the values we pass on will generally be the stronger influence. Not everything comes up spontaneously. Fathers need to continue to raise the subject of pornography throughout their son’s adolescence. Accountability to a father is just what a son needs to help him handle a strong sexual drive and learn the value of self discipline. The benefits of being in control of our desires, rather than our desires controlling us, need to be explained and discussed.

4. Affirming our child’s sexual identity Giving our children a positive view of their sexuality includes affirming their masculinity or femininity. As children approach adolescence they need much affirmation. So often the opposite happens. A child arriving at puberty becomes different from the sweet, cuddly child we once knew. Parents can easily withdraw both physically and emotionally. Boys and girls ideally need the affection of both a mother and a father figure. Nothing helps them to delay sexual

icky and Sila Lee have been married for 33 years and have four children and one grandchild. They have run parenting courses for years and talked to thousands of parents about the nitty gritty issues. Nicky is an ordained minister at Holy Trinity Brompton, London (birthplace of the Alpha course).

intimacy as much as knowing they are loved and accepted.

During the pre-teen stage, the difference between the mother and father roles become heightened. The father, while acting as his son’s role model, provides for his daughter an example of a healthy relationship with a man. It is crucial for a father to remain engaged with his teenage daughter in every aspect of her life. His love and pride in her will help her to be confident in her womanhood. A mother must allow her children to separate from her while remaining available to give advice and emotional support.

Worst parenting moment? Nicky Racing in my rollerblades against our youngest son Josh on the bike he had just learnt to ride, then watching him flying over the handlebars and split open his soft little cheek. The worst of it was knowing I would have to confess to Sila how it happened.

5. Guiding teenagers If our teenager tells us that he or she has strong feelings for a person of the same sex, the worst thing is to get angry and stop any further conversation. It may have taken great courage to tell us and they need us to listen and discuss the issue sympathetically. Such feelings in teens are not uncommon, nor an indication of their adult sexual orientation. If the other person is several years older, we should do all we can to prevent them spending time together, particularly alone. We should make a clear distinction between their feelings which are likely to pass, and sexual activity which may leave lasting scars.

Best parenting moment? Nicky Playing roller-hockey in the park with the whole family, three against three.

Most embarrassing parenting moment? Sila When we lived in Japan, we visited a traditional, wealthy couple and the

6. Helping them relate naturally to the opposite sex

wife asked to hold our daughter Kirsty. I then watched in horror as a poo from her nappy leaked all over this lady’s beautiful silk kimono.

Relating to the opposite sex becomes a delicate and sensitive area for most teenagers. We must respect them and guide them sensitively. We have a difficult path to tread in simultaneously respecting privacy while inviting, but never forcing, dialogue. Relationships need practice and teenagers need space. Think of teenagers as young adults and treat their relationships with respect. Refrain from asking too many questions and err on the side of restraint. We can help our children to feel under no pressure to jump too quickly into a ‘going out’ relationship and encourage them to get to know the opposite sex in a group of friends.

If you could only give one piece of advice regarding marriage, it would be: Nicky Keep having dates, at least once a week. Sila Have that weekly date and make it something fun that you both enjoy. What you long for above all for your children? Nicky A strong relationship with God, a strong marriage and good friends. Sila Great relationships – with God, family, friends and ultimately their marriage partner.

7.Sex and alcohol

The thing your children do that makes you smoulder the most? Nicky When they borrow my bicycle and don’t return the key for the padlock!

A high rate of teen pregnancies is linked to excessive drinking. Teens must know that drinking too much leads to loss of control. This can cause them to do things they may deeply regret. Educate your children about ‘date rape’ drugs, warning them to guard their drinks if they do not trust the people they are with.

The thing your children do that makes you happiest? Nicky Spontaneously hug me! Sila The fact that they love spending time together now they are in their twenties.

Keep loving and talking whatever happens An unplanned pregnancy or a promiscuous child can make parents feel they have failed, but they still have an important role. Support makes a huge difference and leads to rich relationships in the wider family. These three points will help parents keep a sense of perspective:

Worst household chore? Sila Hanging out wet clothes. Nicky Discovering late at night that Sila has washed the sheets and we have to

1. Guiding children in terms of their sexuality is not easy. 2. Parents cannot, and should not, supervise their teenager’s every move. We can influence their decisions but cannot make them. 3. When they act against our advice it is not the end of the world and should not mark a change in our relationship with them.

make the bed with them.

If you could only give one piece of advice regarding parenting, it would be: Nicky Take time to have fun with your child. Sila Lighten up and chill out, don’t get intense or try to control your children.

When parents leave the door of conversation open from an early age, embarrassment soon gives way to honesty. Children encouraged to speak openly will be confident to raise questions. They may not always agree, and may push hard with a different approach, but at critical moments they are likely to turn to us for support. Best of all, they will hear it from their chosen source.

parentlife

Nicky and Sila Lee with family

parentlife

JONATHAN CLAYTON

mylife I

was born in 1960 in Paarl into a family of seven children. My father was a blacksmith and my mother was a housewife.

I had a very stable upbringing initially. My only challenge was spiritual. As a child, I felt forced to go to church. My parents loved God, but never really told us why. They left that to the church, which was very conservative - it would seem at times that the dress code was more important than one’s relationship with God. I would sit there as a tiny boy in my jacket and tie and my sisters with a head covering, not always wanting to be there. My mother always prayed – we knew that if she was locked in the bathroom, that was what she was doing – but we never prayed together as a family, or understood the role of prayer. Faith was a private issue and that was that.

Love affair

My father was my role model. I really adored that man in many ways and he taught me many practical things. But then he got involved in an affair. This was the beginning of brokenness in our family. He was a role model in the congregation, admired for his biblical teachings. What made me particularly bitter was that he never admitted it or tried to make things right. After the affair, he eventually moved on to another lady and they married and had a son. I don’t think he ever really realised the damage he’d done. I was already inwardly rebelling against being forced to attend church where I did not always understand everything, but when my father disappointed us it was the cherry on the cake. I had a lot of bitterness, and started smoking, drinking and rebelling.

Jonathan: getting rid of my pain was a process

In 1988, former Eskom employee Jonathan Clayton was convicted of fraud and given a six year prison sentence. Today he is an ordained minister reaching out to society’s rejects in Pollsmoor Prison, and facilitating lifechanging programmes in prisons around the globe. What

brought him to this place of peace? Here this happily-married, 49-yearold father of two shares his story. mylife

mylife

Being the oldest son, I had to take over my father’s responsibilities in the house. I left school without taking matric and worked as a machine operator in Paarl. My dreams of going into law were shattered. Then I moved to Eskom as a wage clerk. When my father heard I could get a bond subsidy there, he structured a financial deal for me to buy the family home, which I did at 21. This involved me taking over all his financial responsibilities, a big challenge for me. From that time on, my main priority was to make money. I would do anything and everything for it. I did a couple of fraudulent things that I covered up, then took some courses and started a financial advice company through a colleague. We were very successful in negotiating payments for retrenched employees, particularly when Ford withdrew from South Africa.

Entertaining friends

I started using the retrenchment trust funds to impress and entertain my friends. I never felt bad about doing this. Very little of the money I made went to running my mother’s house. I meant to put the money back and always told myself I could sell the house if anything happened.

mylife

By the time my mother died, I was in medium security, working as a teacher. The other inmates told me I would never be allowed out to her funeral as I still had three years left of my sentence. But the next day someone in the prison hierarchy called me in and said ‘Who are you? I’ve received a fax saying we must put you on temporary release for 12 hours tomorrow and we don’t have to send officers with you!’ My brother-in-law Jeremy had been key here.

In the prison I attended the Sunday services run by the Dutch Reformed Church – there was no choice about this! Even though I was very angry, hearing about

Going to my mother’s funeral was very significant for me. I had never thought I would be allowed out all the way to Paarl, almost 80 kms from Pollsmoor. I

mylife

When I got into the car with Jenny on the day of my release, she said, ‘First we’re going to join my mother and a lady who’ve been praying for you at 10am every single day, to thank God for your release. Then I’m going to take you to

God reminded me where I came from. I focused on what they said and started realising I was responsible for my mistakes. On 31 August 1988 at 8pm, just after the enforced reciting of The Lord’s Prayer which all prisoners had to say before total silence for the night, something unexpected happened. I found myself sinking to my knees on my prison carpet, closing myself up with a blanket and asking God to take over my life. I had absolutely no control over what was happening. If I had, I would never have done it, as I felt so angry and bitter. I have no doubt it was the Holy Spirit forcing me to my knees. Amazingly, I felt delivered of my anger and started forgiving people, even my father – though I later discovered that this was a process that needed more work. I forgave myself too and became much calmer. I still objected to things that weren’t right in the prison, but started using acceptable language and methods, such as writing letters to the authorities instead.

When I was transferred to Pollsmoor I was put in maximum security. It’s the norm. My mom was diagnosed with cancer, which was very difficult, as I struggled with feelings of guilt and regret. But then something significant happened for me. I was allowed out to my terminally ill mother’s sickbed - in my private clothes! Shortly afterwards they allowed me out to see her again.

mylife

Pollsmoor, had seen something in me and arranged for me to visit the prisoners once a month. Then he requested the authorities to allow me to become a spiritual worker in the prison. They turned the request down eight times but he kept saying ‘I believe this man will be used by God in prison ministry.’. In the end they agreed to give it a go, and an office was provided for Jenny and me in Pollsmoor. In 1991 we started a ministry which is now called Hope Prison Ministry, and in 1999 I started as full-time chaplain to the Pollsmoor men, and Jenny as a chaplain to the women. When we work with prisoners, we share the gospel and also try to bring to their attention the hurt, pain and bitterness of those they have hurt – this includes their victims, their family, their community and themselves. Focusing on the harm caused by their crime often gets them to start taking responsibility for their lives at some stage, and they can start making responsible decisions.

Bitterness and lust

Getting rid of my pain was a process. It came back sometimes. My father never once visited me in prison. That was so hard to forgive. But I knew I had to go this route of forgiveness. I was transferred five times and that was a challenge because every time you were stripped naked in front of the new inmates to be searched. The humiliation was great.

Off to church…Jonathan wasn’t always keen

I was released three years early for ‘good behaviour’, which was very unusual before 1994. When I walked out of Pollsmoor, I literally went on my knees at the main entrance, saying ‘With God’s help, I will never enter here again!’ It’s quite ironic, because for 19 years since then I have been going in regularly – and for the past 11 it’s been full-time, virtually every single day, Monday to Friday!

... a lot of people are searching for God and become very frustrated.

Pain

I was drinking at a friend’s house one day when the TV programme Police File was on. Suddenly a lady said, ‘That’s you’! Within 10 minutes, the house was surrounded by blue lights, I think a cousin of mine who was feeling bitter had contacted the police straightaway. My mother, the most wonderful person in the world, told me she was praying for me. I was very arrogant and felt I would definitely get out of this somehow. To cut a long story short, I was sentenced to six years for fraud and theft and incarcerated in Knysna prison on 4th March 1988. When this happened I was full of bitterness

and anger, especially towards Christians I had asked for help who didn’t give it. Only my brother-in-law, Jeremy Fortuin, gave his care and support 100%. I rebelled against the prison system, shouting and swearing about our conditions. I was very angry that white prisoners had better conditions than me – proper mattresses and food on trays – which the ‘coloured’ and black prisoners never got. I was also just trying to be irresponsible and rebel.

mylife

We also try to examine the roots of their behaviour – some are victims themselves of sexual and other abuse. We try to deal with their anger, bitterness and lust, using God’s Word. We know that if they don’t take responsibility they will be haunted by their past, and we give them the chance to make a difference in someone’s life. For example, we encourage them to tell the family members of a victim what happened to them when they were killed. It may sound odd but this often helps the families find closure. Jonathan and family: (from left) wife Jenny and daughters Amy and Cara your father.’ I said ‘No ways, I’m not going!’ It was then that I realised I hadn’t really forgiven him. But when I walked towards his house, out came running a four-year-old boy, my little half-brother. That touched me and I could take my father by the hand and truly forgive him.

was so excited to be FREE for twelve hours! To see all my family at once, who I hadn’t seen for so long. To have the opportunity to apologise to them. I felt so free physically that I almost forgot why I was in Paarl!

Romance

Pity party

I met Jenny (now my wife) when we were both 17, and I regarded her highly as a woman of God. She had heard about me going off the rails when my father disappointed me, but never challenged me on it, instead she encouraged me in life, and later on I realised she had been praying for me all along.

Soon after my release, I realised I had strong feelings for Jenny, but she wasn’t feeling the same. I tried to hug her and ask if I could court her, but she resisted and I was very upset and went into a massive pity party. I even made tapes for her with speeches and music but she didn’t fall for it. But six months after my release, she gave me a birthday card saying, ‘The answer is yes, do you remember the question?’ We started a relationship, were married in 1992 and had Amy Joy in 1994, and Cara Chloe in 1997.

She visited me unexpectedly once in prison, and though I was embarrassed by her seeing me in prison, her compassion and concern helped me through it. We stayed in touch through long letters, but I never thought of her romantically because she had broken off a very strong relationship to train for fulltime ministry. But she was so supportive that, when I was finally released in 1991, I asked my family to allow her to fetch me.

mylife

When I got out of prison I went to night school to finish my matric while working as a delivery driver by day, then I started theological training. The former provincial chaplain, Anton van Rensburg from

mylife

It’s hard for the prisoners, it makes them very vulnerable. Some confessions can even have the consequence of staying in prison longer. But most prisoners still do it because they can’t live in hell and with the fear of being caught out. We encourage them to turn away from evil and turn to God for wisdom, guidance and strength. We then try to give deep-rooted spiritual input to work through all areas of their lives. Once the Word of God is at work, forgiveness is possible for them to be forgiven, for others to forgive them and for them to forgive others. Reconciliation is key – reconciling man to God and God to man – and your prison sentence has nothing to do with this process. It won’t make up for the damage caused by crime. Damaged relationships, the pain, anger and bitterness all need to be addressed and confronted. The questions of victims and their families must be answered, and the offenders are sitting with the answers. We’ve seen some wonderful things happen during our Restorative Justice programme. Once a prisoner jumped up during the third day of the course

mylife

JONATHAN’S THOUGHTS…

and confessed that it was he who had killed someone in a robbery, not his co-offender who was sitting right there with him in the same room. He shivered and cried like a baby but there was such relief in that room. We worked it through with the families of both prisoners and there was great excitement in the family of the man who hadn’t killed anyone after all. It was hard later on for the guy who’d confessed, because he was still in prison when his mother died and couldn’t attend her funeral. He is still struggling with his Christian journey because of many issues, but he now recognises there is a God. You hear him speaking of the goodness of that God who carried him through this terrible time, helped him experience freedom from within, and set others free with the truth that he knew. The man who did not kill the victim after all is now out on parole.

n being open about his mistakes

My life is an open book, especially for my children. They are not ashamed of my past. They see how God brought me through and transformed me.

A similar thing happened with a woman Jenny was ministering to, who came clean about all that she had done. She went to court as a result, but in fact received no extra sentence. Now she is spiritually, emotionally and physically free from her past and working in Jenny’s office twice a week.

n living with a criminal record

People have encouraged me to apply for a presidential par-

Flower arranging

We are involved in many programmes in the prisons, from working with juveniles and youth education to aftercare programmes when the prisoners leave prison. We even have a programme helping female prisoners learn flower arranging!

don to get a clean record, but I don’t want to. I want to show

My motivation is based on Matthew 25 verse 40: ‘Whatever you do to the least of these, you do to me’, Jesus said. When I look at these people in hopeless situations, finding it so hard to trust God or make sacrifices, I know I can come alongside them and share my story.

me. If God wants you to be somewhere, you’ll get there. The

Jonathan: God will come through for you if you can wait on him

prison inmates and ex-inmates that you can live positively with a criminal record. I always declare mine and it’s never hindered

first time I applied for an American visa in 1988, even Christians were negative about my chances – but I got a 10 year visa! And recently I was the only one in a group of missionaries to be given a visa to go somewhere in Africa.

How divorce makes me feel…

was about eight when my parents first split up but they only got divorced when I was in about grade 5. When they said they were getting divorced I didn’t really understand what they meant but I was quite upset about the conflict and cried a lot. I judged my dad’s girlfriend and SOUGHT REVENGE. I was angry and smeared her lipstick on a mirror when she wasn’t around and spat into her face cream! Now I’ve got used to it. There was always conflict and there still is. I try to talk about the situation to close friends and not bottle it up. It helps to draw, play music or write in a journal about how I feel, and do surfing and sport. All these things help me RELEASE MY EMOTIONS and not be an emo. Socialising with friends or family helps too. When you’re upset you don’t feel like going out, but it actually helps.

Bad things about divorce? The worst thing is the conflict – it’s not very nice that two people you love fight with each other. It’s not great BEING A PINGPONG BALL either. I go from one house to another and it’s quite hard to organise my school stuff. Another thing is that I don’t really know what a healthy marriage looks like as I’ve only been exposed to an ugly one.

Good things that can come out of divorce? I guess

it builds your character and you become more responsible. It’s like being ON TOUR ALL THE TIME. You have to be organised to live in two houses. Maybe I have a better relationship with my parents too because I tell them how I really feel about things and about what they’re doing, and have got to know them well.

...‘I spat into her face cream’ Maybe also IN A FUNNY WAY I’m better equipped for getting married – at least I know what kind of relationship to avoid! Sometimes I can help people too, like friends at school who come to me for advice. In fact so many children my age have divorced parents that when I meet someone whose parents are married it can be a bit of a shock – “Gosh, what’s that like?”

Where is God in all of this? When this first happened I was so drained I couldn’t see where He was. Now in a strange way my faith has been strengthened. I feel safe with God, He gives me direction on how to live my life and not be influenced too much by people around me, and GOOD THINGS HAVE STARTED HAPPENING. I trust that good will come out of this. Talking and praying with other people helps, especially the young adults at youth group who sometimes have a lot of insight. SARAH (name changed) aged 16, Hout Bay

teenlife

Music is what feelings sound like

I have tried to bring up my children differently from my own upbringing. I think it’s important to tell your children why we follow Christ and how to trust God. I try not to preach at them, rather to role-model how to live, though of course I still experience how easily sin entangles you! We have never forced our girls to accept Christ in their lives, it was their choice, but they have

Just be open

We have lovely devotional times round the meal table and we

and we sense tremendous spiritual growth in them.

My encouragement to everyone, prisoner or out free, is to wait on God. He has a way to come through for you. Just put yourself in His hands and be aware of His presence. Isaiah 40 verse 31 promises ‘Those who wait on God will find new strength.’ People become too anxious and want things to happen overnight, but they just need to be open.

constantly ask our children if there is anything we are doing that is not biblical, or anything that we should be doing that we are not. And we do get responses! My younger daughter said I was

Unless they hit rock bottom, people often think Christianity is about attending church regularly and singing hymns. But in my view it’s about being in the presence of God all the time and asking Him to help you try to be like Christ.

a liar because I hadn’t kept my promises to her. They are

Do I have regrets? Yes. The fact that I disappointed God, my loving parents and siblings. The fact that I hurt victims emotionally with the loss of their money. I still miss my parents a lot and wish they could be with us to see their grandchildren.

my father’s life that instead of carrying along on the same path,

allowed to respectfully challenge us. I have tried to learn from

it’s better to humble yourself and to make right the wrongs.

But what I don’t regret is the process of healing, forgiveness and restoration in my life and the journey I took to get there.

this page proudly sponsored by www.mountcamdeboo.com

How can friends help?

‘They can ask how the divorce situation is going and tell you they’re there for you, even if it’s just help with a worksheet you’ve left at the wrong house. Just listening to you talk about it is helpful too, they don’t have to know stuff or advise you.’

What should friends avoid?

‘Criticising your family. It’s UPSETTING when other people say your mother’s loopy or your father’s crazy!’

WIN

a thislife gym bag plus a massive bar of chocolate! Sms us an idea for our next

teenlife page and the one we like best wins. You must be aged 13 to 18 to enter.

There are some hot young musicians doing their stuff in churches around Cape Town. Here are 3 of them…

n the family and spirituality

My personal experience is that a lot of people are searching for God and become very frustrated. They say ‘God’s not listening to me’ or ‘He’s written me off’. My encouragement to them would be: you don’t have to search for God, He’s searching for you. He even finds people in prison when they’re rebelling against Him and gives them a personal touch that they can’t explain away.

Sarah’s advice…

Musos in our midst

I connect with God by praying whenever it’s quiet in the office, listening to CDs of sermons which are practical and powerful, and reflecting on my life. It’s also a great help to have a godly wife who holds me accountable for my spiritual journey and inspires me!

TOP TIPS for friends.

Jono van Deventer

Age and instruments? 20, guitar, keys, drums, voice Best snack? Kitkats put me in a good mood. What doing now? UCT (electrical and computer engineering) Just back from 2 years at The Point Church in the UK. What did you do there? Lots, including an internship with Matt Redman, an international songwriter and worship leader. Lurid musical past? I started piano in Grade 3, hated the practising and gave it up. In high school I started guitar and couldn’t wait to get home and play. Now I wish I hadn’t stopped the piano, but I suppose I was just a naïve kid back then... Why God? It’s a constant adventure following Him. He gives my life meaning, and has placed some huge dreams in my heart which He is slowly bringing into being. Why is worship cool? Due to my parents’ divorce, I haven’t seen my dad for over 10 years and have found real healing in worship. God’s given me the ability to forgive my dad and has stepped in the gap as a father for me. I believe we’ve been created to worship God - not just through songs, but in the way we live our lives, living for Him instead of ourselves.

Music’s in their soul: from left Mat, Jono and Nikita

Mat Dennis

Age and instruments? 18, piano, violin, guitar, voice. What doing now? Youth/worship intern at Christ Church, Kenilworth and music intern at Bishops College. Worst meal? Snails. Most embarrassing moment? Realising I was in the female bathroom in Russia and having to walk out past a long queue of women. Why music? It’s a way to express myself. Music is what feelings sound like, an emotional and spiritual release. Why God? God is a reality in my life – I talk to Him and He answers me back. For me, living without Jesus is like trying to ride a bike without wheels – it’s not going to work! Where and how can we hear you (Internet, CD, Facebook)? Haha, I’m not quite that out there yet…perhaps in the future though! Musicians you look up to? Matthey Bellamy, Bono, Chris Martin, Leeland Mooring, to name but a few…

teenlife

Nikita Khan

Age and instrument? 14, voice. Musical training? None. I just kind of do it naturally. Where singing? The worship band at St Luke’s in Diep River. Practising is fun, there are a quite a few of us on drums, sax, bass… even grand piano. Best snack? McDonald’s cajun burger Worst food? Anything to do with tomatoes! Most embarrassing moment? Fainting on top of a teacher on the first day of high school (it was REALLY hot). Best musical moment? Singing Hero by Mariah Carey at my uncle’s 60th, he liked it so much he started crying. Why sing? It makes me happy. Why God? If I’m feeling down and have lots on my mind I can pray and He’ll show me the way. He helps me realise that some stuff isn’t important so I can move on and sort out other things. What’s good about worship? It’s got a lot of meaning.

What’s the point? Catch Jono on this and see…* *(want to buy a copy? call 072 351 1314)

teenlife

CAUGHT IN THE ACT

GETTING OUT My favourite thing to do in Cape Town is…

paparazzi what are the people of St John’s Parish getting up to?

HELP, I’M STRESSED! f this applies to you, you’re in good company. Stress is a major

problem of modern times. Experts estimate that a staggering 80% of illnesses are caused by stress but the

good news is that

it can be significantly reversed in most cases. Here, occupational therapist and counsellor Karin Tilney offers tried and tested advice Karin Tilney, counsellor at Church of the Holy Spirit

that she has seen help her clients, time after time...

Eleanor Watson, Christ Church, Kenilworth Now that I’m 81, I love the flat walk from Kalk Bay to Muizenburg and back. It’s safe and always very social, with other walkers and fishermen lining the path. We park next to the nursery in Kalk Bay, walk along the road and under the railway line onto the beach. It’s an easy 1 ½ hours.

Desmond de Monk, St Luke’s Church I volunteer at the Red Cross and help at clinics teaching about HIV. I’m also involved in our local Seniors for Life, which organises activities from games to walking and dancing. We started up about a year ago with 10 people, now we are 70 and having to close membership. We’re off to a hotel in Mossel Bay this weekend!

Jeanette Fourie, St Luke’s Church I love to visit the Masque Theatre in Muizenberg, they have a free dress rehearsal every month for seniors! Also I love the Baxter Theatre’s monthly Morning Melodies, a series of musical concerts on Wednesday mornings. It’s R30, which includes free refreshments.

seniormoment 10 Stressbusters for Happy Living

t’s important to know what makes you stressed. Common causes include relationship difficulties, finances, perceived loss of control, lack of clarity about your role/value, unrealistic expectations and difficult transitions. But even more important is doing something about it! Here are 12 little changes that can make a big difference.

1. Face up to stress

The key to effective stress management is proactivity. Do something about your stress instead of denying its existence – procrastinating simply increases it. Take it seriously if close family or friends say you’re stressed. Learn to recognise stress symptoms in your own body.

2. Get out!

A balanced lifestyle is critical. Adequate sleep and a healthy diet are obvious, but are you exercising? Endorphins, the “feel-good” hormones, are released when you exercise. Spending time in nature and on creative activities can greatly help. Plan a weekly outing somewhere. Have you forgotten how to be spontaneous? Fun reduces stress…

3. Speak life

Are you a positive or negative thinker? On average we think 50 000 thoughts a day, and every thought influences your emotions which in turn affect your behaviour. Challenge yourself to think more positively about yourself, others and your environment. If you ever catch yourself saying things like ‘I’m useless’, force yourself to think thoughts such as ‘There are many things I do well’. More positive = less stressed.

For a

daily update of things to do

in Cape Town, go to www.capetalk.co.za and click on WHAT’S ON?

WIN!

Top quality CANSA-endorsed sunhats worth R350 each! We have five of these crushable, washable hats up for grabs! Made by Emthumzini Hat Company (083 269 5570 or www.sunhats.co.za). Email/sms/ post/hand-deliver us one sentence on your favourite thing to do in Cape Town. Contact details p 2

4. Don’t just sit there…

Don’t complain about South Africa, rise up and make a difference. Altruism usually reduces stress. You can make a difference. Why not get involved in a Habitat for Humanity Build or volunteer at a charity organisation? Simple acts of kindness not only make a difference to the recipient but can make a positive difference to your day.

5. Say what you feel (calmly!)

There are no wrong or right emotions, only unhealthy expressions of them. Emotional maturity is being aware of your emotion, determining if it is appropriate, and choosing a healthy way to express it. The benefits of

expressing emotions calmly are less anxiety, improved self esteem and healthier relationships. It’s vital regularly to express your feelings, and not just facts or your opinion.

LUDWE TAKING A BREATHER @ Christ Church pool games LEE-ANN, FREYA, COLLEEN, BELINDA, ALISON and TRUDY @ reunion of former youth of St John’s Church, Wynberg

BOY PYRAMID @ Christ Church holiday camp, Noordhoek

6. Be authentic

Unresolved hurts from your past (eg rejection, dysfunctional childhood) can be one of the most covert forms of stress. What has wounded you? Manage this by talking about feelings openly and honestly (to close family and friends). If you still find yourself smarting, visit a counsellor.

You can make a difference 7. Limit difficult people

Limit contact with difficult, draining, demeaning, demanding, dysfunctional people. Increase time with positive people. With healthy boundaries your relationships become less stressful: ‘No’ is not a swearword! Calm, assertive communication means a healthier and nicer you.

8. Get physical

NIKITA AND JASMINE @ Friday night youth, St Luke’s, Diep River

Touch reduces stress. When you feel stressed, hug your loved ones. Children also suffer from stress so never let a day go by without hugging your family members.

TAYLOR (left) AND BRANDON, ROMAN SOLDIERS @ Passion play rehearsal, Emmanuel Church, Wynberg THE NEW MR AND MRS SEAN WIBLIN @ Christ Church, Kenilworth

9. Be kind to yourself

No-one’s perfect. Have realistic expectations of yourself and others, they may never be what you want them to be! Never compare yourself to others. God created us to be gifted in different areas. When last did you treat yourself to a pedicure or browse in your favourite bookshop? Always keep some energy in reserve for your family too.

10. Don’t forget about God

Prayer and a close relationship with Jesus is one of the best ways to manage stress. Spend time in God’s presence – He is a great source of comfort and help. Memorise encouraging bible verses, listen to hymns or gospel music, seek out people/church groups/courses which can make God real to you. Adversity is stressful but remind yourself that in it you experience character growth. ‘Do not fear, for I am with you… I will uphold you with my right hand.’ (Isaiah 41:10) If God is for us who can be against us? Stop existing and start living!

JESS, WORSHIP LEADER, CHURCH OF THE HOLY SPIRIT snapped @ Muizenberg beach

PANCAKE LOVERS AWAITING RATIONS @ St Philip’s, Kenwyn

for more parish goings-on, check out p 23

this page proudly sponsored by a GivenGain supporter (www.givengain.com)

this page proudly sponsored by the St Leger Retirement Hotel, Muizenberg (www.retirementhotel.co.za) or 021 709 6200

Why did Jesus come? He came to show that the Father committed himself to win by love what Old Testament law and fear could never win. Jesus frees us from our fears and shows us God wants me to be as relaxed on His lap as my two-year old granddaughter is on mine.

Is that you, God, or just me? God makes His will known in our hearts, but I suspect that looks very different for different people. I find it is a growing conviction over time that God is a certain way, or wants me to do something. It seems more and more right as time passes. If you want to be nudged by God, ask Him, ‘Father show me who you are, what are you doing with me here today?’ Ask God ‘Is there anything you are putting on my heart?’ Something new will often come alive in your heart. Look in the gospels enough for Jesus to become a real person to you, so you know whether Jesus would have done this or not. If you’re arguing with an idea in your mind, it may well be God’s idea! Ask yourself if this nudging is going to hurt someone - if so, it’s probably not God. If you are praying about adultery and God says it’s fine, you can be pretty clear you are out of your mind.

ayne Jacobsen grew up on a grape vineyard in Central California. He has been married to Sara for 35 years, has two children and two grandchildren. A trained pastor, he left the pastorate in 1995 to write and investigate ways in which people can find God

If it’s not God, reverse things and go back to where you got lost. God will let you know you missed something, but He won’t punish you. He’ll call us to scripture when He needs us there, and to relationship with others when He needs us there. When God does nudge, say ‘Jesus, dance me through this. Just the next step.’ You don’t need a strategy. Living in a space with God, one of the things you have to get comfy with is uncertainty that comes from no longer trying to control your life!

traditional congregational structures. In the past few years he has written a number of books and made several revolutionary talks available free online at www.lifestream.org and www.thegodjourney.com. He also co-wrote The Shack, a massive global hit which explores unexpected aspects of God and has sold nearly 11

Dogs/cats?

Conversation with God is not always words, it can be impressions, perceptions about situations, affections for people. I put things before God all the time. As often as I think about them I put them before Him, and often find something resonates when I am reading scripture or having conversations with others.

Jacobsen on religious arrogance, trying too hard, and God as a black woman. Late last year, Wayne Jacobsen (above) flew from America to South Africa to visit a friend. On his way home he was hijacked by fans and asked to give a few informal talks. People drove from the city and beyond to listen to this quietly spoken man chatting in a Cape Town living room about his perceptions of God. Here, we squeeze onto these pages as many snippets as we can from his answers to people’s questions and from various other thoughts he shared.

thoughtlife

n ‘The Shack’ and its surprise success

In the first year we spent only $200 on marketing The Shack, hoping to sell the 10,000 copies we had printed. Within thirteen months we had sold a million copies (5,000 is the average for an American book). Now over 10 million have been sold. What’s it about? It’s about a man’s crisis of faith brought on by a great tragedy in his family who gets to engage God for a weekend. What I love about it is that it demonstrates how God can find us in the darkest hole of our lives and walk us out of it. Yes, in the book, God presents Himself through the person of a black woman. The traditional white, male God has no more ability to demonstrate God’s reality than a black female. But we’re not saying God is black, or that He’s a woman. He is not any of those things anyway. But He can make Himself known through anyone who walks with Him.

On religious arrogance I would have made a great first century pharisee. I grew up as one of those kids in religion with a great capacity to do what they set their heart on. I can get a lot of those things right, read scripture more than most, pray more than most. All along I had a heart to know God and thought religion was the way to do it – by trying to be a ‘good Christian’. Religion, or rule-following, is man’s attempt to earn God’s affection but actually the Bible tells us we’ve already got that and we don’t need to tick every performance box.

thoughtlife

For the past 15 years I’ve been undergoing a pharisectomy - having my inner pharisee removed. Sadly for me it’s not a one-time operation. I find situations all the time where I am wired to perform rather than respond to God’s love.

On God’s desire for us

The overriding passion of God in scripture is to find us and pull us back to Him. God wants to embrace sin-stained humanity so our sin-stainedness will be enveloped by His holiness.

Sin?

Sin is grabbing for yourself what God hasn’t given you—utter sexual freedom, the right to anger, the manipulation of others. We do it because we don’t realise we are loved. Conversely, when you discover just how generous God is with you, you find yourself sharing that same generosity with others.

thoughtlife

Is this a real question? I have never understood why people think of cats as pets and not pests. They give me asthma and I much prefer the unconditional love, companionship and overly enthusiastic delight of a dog when you give them the least bit of attention.

On how your children can talk to God

Cook/delegate?

You don’t have to do this overtly. When you’re living your faith as an infectious reality, it happens quite naturally. If your kid doesn’t have the hunger yet for God, they may not be ready. Let God trigger their hunger. I have an Australian friend who’s been a pastor for 20 years who discovered that his Sunday school had been giving children everything they needed to inoculate themselves against the reality of knowing Him! They were able to teach kids rules, rituals and ethics, but didn’t help them come to know who He is. They were involved in God’s things, without being involved with Him.

Sara and I have always enjoyed cooking in the kitchen together. I even have some baking specialties I enjoy making, but mostly you’ll find me on the other side of a barbeque exercising my full freedom as a carnivore.

Perfectionist/chilled?

Transitioning here. I used to be a perfectionist about everything, but it wore me out trying to attain the heights of perfection. Now I live very relaxed in God’s ability to shape my life and circumstances around me as I learn to live in His love.

Why God?

... You don’t need a strategy

In my religious days, 90% of what motivated me wasn’t my love for God’s people but Wayne’s Reputation. Paul, the apostle, makes the point that if anyone has confidence in the ‘flesh’, their own abilities, they are truly lost. He tried so hard to be good for God and ended up with religious arrogance. So did I. I manipulated and harmed people. I read the Bible and went to church, these are all good things, but if you’re not careful, they can change the relationship you have with God. It takes years to develop a comfort with how God works with you. When you have a relationship with your child, you crawl into their world. It’s the same with God. He’ll crawl into your world as often as you let Him.

thoughtlife

Because He is the most compelling presence in the universe, who has captured my heart, whose wisdom I covet, and whose companionship I treasure.

Spending time with God: easy/hard?

If I had young kids today I would want to introduce them to Jesus and God as a character in their lives, just as you do with Aunt Emma or Grandpa. When something’s going on, I’d say ‘Stop, let’s ask Jesus to help us here.’ The journey with Jesus is compelling. If we live it openly in front of our kids and neighbours, people get hungry. You can suggest for your kids to seek God as well. ‘Father, do you have a will here? Please make it clear to me.’

Transitioning here too. Used to be hard when it was my obligation to perform for Him. In the last 15 years spending time with Him has become an irresistible joy and I find myself in an ongoing conversation with Him as I walk through the simple realities of my day.

Most irritating habit?

My impatience with other people.

On sharing his faith

What keeps me going when I am struggling is…

I take an interest in every person God puts in my path, usually starting with get-acquainted kinds of conversation. If that ever shifts to something spiritual it’s usually something they bring up, not me. Sometimes God gives me a question to ask them but I don’t ask it in order to start something off spiritually. That way the person I’m talking to never feels manipulated.

That Jesus will do something wonderful in my character, even in the most desperate of circumstances, and of course the loving support of my wife and friends in such moments.

Favourite spiritual thought?

People understand their sin without our help…it’s grace they need help in understanding. (From an AIDS outreach video for a ministry working in Ntuzuma outside Durban. You can see it on: www.youtube.com/watch?v=idcAAQtWzP0)

On living relaxed Relax. Life’s not about ‘getting’ a relationship with God but relaxing into the reality that He wants one with us more than we want it with Him. Don’t wake up and give God a list of things to do. Ask Him ‘What have you got for me today, what conversation will you be in? And please help me see it!’ Living relaxed is the way we best hear God. People say ‘I’ve never heard God speak’. I usually respond, ‘I bet you have. It’s just that you did not recognise Him because religion taught you He was demanding instead of endearing.’ People can rush around looking for a ministry, meanwhile God’s just asking them to do the dishes for their wife! It takes weeks and months to get comfy recognising and living in God’s will. Even Jesus wasn’t born knowing everything he should do.

thoughtlife

million copies to

date worldwide. Here’s a peek into the man behind the wordsmith.

On how to talk to God

“I’m in recovery from religion…” Best-selling author Wayne

in the ordinary, beyond

thoughtlife

Man of many talents… it appears American Wayne Jacobsen speaks Afrikaans too

thoughtlife

(continued) Church: changing vs traditional If God has put you in a traditional congregational environment and you feel nurtured, that’s great. Just keep checking that Jesus is the focus of the conversation. Are the messages you’re getting about guilt or about love? Do rumours run rampant, or are people so authentic that gossip has no power? Traditional congregations can be helpful for people when it is a passion and not an obligation. But I also look for ways God is inviting us to find community outside of our traditional structures. The church is bigger than the building on the corner; it is all of God’s kids in a given locale and the relationships and tasks they share together.

hurch out of thebox

busiest night. It seemed the Jesus-thing to do. He

I’m thinking about our church in Cape Town – what

tion). It was near midnight. It was in the

went outside the city, outside convention and even left

does church without walls look like here? At CHS we

city centre. Through the windows I saw the

heaven to search for those looking for a spiritual home

are developing ‘clusters’. These are communities of

shapes of passing clubbers, like butterflies

with God. He sent his followers in all directions, to all

people who can voyage, with God, beyond the realm of

flitting from one promise of nectar to the

people, to do the same. “Go out and invite them to

‘traditional church’. So, for instance, Group 118 meets

next. Oblivious to me. “O God! How do we connect

come in,” he said. “And God’s empowering presence

in a large home to help serious intellectual seekers

with them?” The door opened and four lads pushed in.

will go with you.”

explore questions about belief that aren’t asked else-

So we took church out of the box and put it right in

Rev Gordon Crowther, Church of the Holy Spirit

and able to engage – to be accessible and open to

Clusters are rather like small boats which set out from

every sub-group and emerging community. See www.

harbour to distant lands. Are you being called to set

churchwow.co.uk for the example I was involved with in

sail? Come and join others to explore further.

the UK.

Contact me at gordon@chsct.org.za.’

Sue Mellows,

Member of Church of the Holy Spirit, Bachelor of Theology student

ow does a misfit Jew, mocker of all sectarian creeds, become a Jesus freak and writer of a column in this magazine? Not willingly, I tell you.

thoughtlife

Want to know more? Check out John’s ministry amongst the Jewish people at www.cmj-sa.org

thoughtlife

More often people choose surgery not because they suffer but to change something they don’t like about themselves. Even those regarded as ‘most beautiful’ can demonstrate insecurity about an aspect of their looks. If they struggle, what hope have I (and, if you’ll forgive me, you)?

Unfortunately, over time, the rule relating to the sabbath was developed by the religious leaders to such an extent that by Jesus’ time it was a complex and burdensome ritual. Jesus took issue with the pharisees’ interpretation of how it ought to be observed, taking pains to emphasise that ‘the sabbath was made for man, not man for the sabbath’ (Mark 2:27).

me?’

(Mark 15:34)

A: These words are the opening statement of Psalm 22. It is pos-

sible Jesus was alluding to the whole psalm by quoting its opening statement. If you read the entire psalm, you will see it is a lament in which King David describes his suffering and his desire for God’s deliverance. The extraordinary thing is that though David could not have known it and though it was written hundreds of years before crucifixion was invented, the psalm contains what some see as a remarkably prophetic description of the messiah’s crucifixion.

Rev John Atkinson, member of Christ Church, Kenilworth, writes:

“How wonderful to hear about the journey to faith from a Jewish perspective. To many readers Zita’s experience will be quite different from their own. Those of us in Jewish ministry are becoming used to hearing testimonies of visions and dreams as God reveals Himself through Jesus the Messiah. Zita’s story is wonderful and yet familiar.”

In some cases, suffering people may be given relief. A baby with breathing difficulties because of a malformed nose is a clear case. A teenager with crooked teeth may suffer emotional stress. Such defects occur in a broken world and are not God’s intention. Jesus was known as a healer, bringing wholeness even to those pushed out of society because of disfiguring diseases like leprosy. His healings are signs of God’s purpose to restore brokenness and to bring the wholeness of life that is experienced where God is in charge.

“Why?” Most people speak of searching for confidence in a world where those who conform to the air-brushed icons of fashion and fame are more successful. The scriptures, however, talk of beauty which develops from a transforming relationship with God in Jesus Christ. Roger Barrier calls this “Divine Plastic Surgery”. The man who attracted me to Christ had one of the biggest, ugliest noses I’ve ever seen. But he had peace and contentment that still last today. Will the beauty enhanced by surgical lifting, nipping, tucking and sucking not sag, lag and fade? So, back to the question! Jesus would probably leave you to decide yourself on the question of cosmetic surgery, but would invite you to receive his invitation to enter the life that will free you so you too can say, “Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day…. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” (2 Corinthians 4:16,18).”

building day crops up then? Or what about our children’s school fun run organised for a Sunday morning? If we find our Sunday eroded by unavoidable obligations, it need not send us on a guilt trip. A heart that’s turned to God is preferable to a slavish and legalistic approach to Sundays. If the odd Sunday becomes uncontrollably hectic, it might be advisable to find another time during your week or weekend when you can do the things that refresh you – and a time you can connect with God too. Consider looking back over your week with thanksgiving and sending up a few prayers asking for strength and clarity with any challenges. Focusing quietly on God’s exciting promises to us in the Bible or praying with a friend, spouse or your children are also joyful and rewarding options.”

Q: Why does Jesus say ‘My God, My God, Why have you forsaken

Zita Consani, member of Christ Church, Kenilworth

A mystical experience at dusk. Trees moving in the wind, clouds and moon in the sky become radiantly transformed. God, who touched Adam awake, swathes her in holy, tender Love and utter peace. She knows now that God, personal and Divine, exists. One night, hearing the very bells of Heaven, she floats, Chagall-like, up to the gates. They clang shut with a relentlessness that shocks her. God is not kind? Not benevolent? Terror assails her in that Presence of Awesome Authority she’d cockily denied. In great, grave quiet she hears huge pages turn. Her life, her heart is being read, every detail; every motive. Lusts, lies – only white ones… arching pride. Protesting innocence, she falls from God into hopeless horror.

she writes...

Christ floods her apartment. The front door throbs; He is outside, waiting for her. That Great Iron Hand in velvet glove pushes her down to her knees; she crumbles like some Hollywood tower demolition, and sinks, head bowed, into surrender. Her spirit rockets to the heavens, ecstatic, to tunes of a myriad bright bells. And now a Jewish bard writes a column in this magazine…

Then she has a vision of Christ’s face in the clouds - but tells herself it was only a product of religious dogma brainwashed into her subconscious.

stickyissues

But in the frenetic lives that we all seem to live, we could certainly do with refreshing our bodies, minds and spirits on a Sunday.

But ah! What glorious hope! The majestic Presence of

This girl cried, “Bah! Stuff and nonsense! Men mad as Hitler concocting mumbojumbo Bibles! We’re not sinners needing a Saviour. Ugh! Medieval drivel!” A grand rumpus she made on her soap box. Yet she knew there was Something Else besides man’s paper-plans and the sticky funfairs of life! And falling, like Alice, down black holes of depression, delusion, despair.

Michael’s Café and Deli, Rondebosch. Send us your entry (see p 2 for details)

means to ‘cease’ or ‘desist from’, and in this context means ceasing work and observing a day of worship. When God required the Jews to stop working on the sabbath and instituted it as a holy day, this was intended as a blessing, ensuring that they set time aside for a restoring time with God and rested as their bodies needed after six days of work.

the middle of the clubbing district, in the middle of the

and now for... something completely different

WIN you a candelit dinner for two to the value of R300 at

Q: Does the sabbath have any relevance in the 21st century? A: “The word sabbath comes from the Hebrew ‘sabat’, which So what, might we ask, do we do when our annual company team-

roots of Christianity.

de-structured to help God’s people to be more flexible

will

alter their appearance. Google ‘liposuction’ or ‘rhinoplasty’ and you will be greeted by hundreds of offers to ‘transform’ your life. A BBC survey recently found that 25% of UK teenagers would be prepared to spend up to R60,000 on surgery.

where, and the Wild Olive Cluster explores the Jewish

All over the world, the church is being de-cluttered and

SUBMIT your sticky issues! The one we judge the most challenging

Q: What would Jesus say about liposuction, nose-jobs and braces? A: “Every year about 2 million people undergo cosmetic surgery to I can imagine Jesus asking: “What ideal are you striving for?” and

American Wayne Jacobsen’s passion is seeing the church grow BEYOND ITS TRADITIONAL STRUCTURES. Here Rev Gordon Crowther of Church of the Holy Spirit (CHS) writes how church structure is changing right here in Cape Town.

was hunched over in prayer (religious posi-

“What is this place?” asked one. “It’s church – we’re praying”. “I need to speak to someone about this stuff.” “Come in, do you want a coffee?”

Sticky, stickier, stuck?

We have so limited our view of church that most people miss most of what God is doing even in their own area. People can be encouraged, equipped and experience community in Bible studies at work, outreaches to the world, fellowship at the coffee shop, and in home-based gatherings. God wants each of us to take responsibility for our own spiritual journey and find others we can walk alongside in that pursuit.

Rev John Atkinson, Member of Christchurch, Kenilworth

In addition to seeing Jesus’ words as a quotation of Psalm 22, we should probably take them at face value too. Jesus was taking on the sins of the whole world. The sinless Son of God experienced the separation from his Father that sin produces. This is what Jesus had anticipated when in the Garden of Gethsemane he asked for the ‘cup’ to be taken away. It was the acceptance of sin-guilt and the resultant

separation from the Father that Jesus feared most, not the physical ordeal. Sceptics say the statement indicates Jesus’ realisation that he had been wrong about his mission and identity as the messiah. This claim is only sustainable if you ignore all the other evidence. The cry of dereliction must be seen in the context of the other statements he makes from the cross. It is the fourth of seven statements and is followed by the ultimate statement of trust, “Father into your hands I commit my spirit.” Does this sound like the last words of a man who has lost faith in his life’s work and his relationship with God? Jesus completes the sacrifice for the sin upon which our forgiveness is based. No short-cuts, Jesus paid the full price so that we could have the full benefit of his death.”

this page proudly sponsored by Grapevine Interactive, mobile messaging specialists www.grapevinedirect.co.za Call Dominic 021 701 3333

Warehouse projects range from

AGONISED? Email, sms or physically

Q &agony A

work with children and school-

send thislife your questions, giving yourself a

leavers to entrepreneurs, senior citizens and HIV/AIDS sufferers. We also have an advocacy group which speaks up for the voiceless.

pseudonym if you’d like to stay anonymous. Space permitting, we will publish it with an answer. If we run out of room, we will endeavour to

Ring Caroline on 021 761 1168 if you are interested in helping out, whether ongoingly or once-off with any of our projects or donation opportunities.

send you a personal response. Contact details on p 2.

Fancy getting involved right now? We’ve got room for you! Food and hygiene packs

Answer by: Rev Alan Kilpatrick of St Luke’s, Diep River

Answer by: Rev Charlotte Brown, Christ Church, Kenilworth

Answer by: Rev Andrew Gready, St John’s Church, Wynberg

Q: “I feel so envious of people with bigger houses and smarter cars whose children are at ‘better’ schools. How can I stop this poisoning my life and interactions with them?” A: “On one of my running routes I pass a beauti-

Q: “My teenage son has been lying to me about his marks and where he goes after school. What do I do?” A: “There are three issues to look at here which

Q: What do you think of gambling for Christians? A: “A good friend invited me to the J&B Met. I

ful Maserati and think ‘Rather than my VW Combi, how about the Maserati?!’ I know it wouldn’t make me a better husband or father or pastor - but it would make me look good. Maybe I’m that shallow - caring about what people think of me rather than about the state of my heart for wanting the car in the first place! There’s nothing wrong with having a nice car or house. It’s just when they belong to other people that they seem to become a problem. At the root of envy is dissatisfaction with what we already have. Eugene Peterson writes: “Enter more deeply into what you already possess.” I think that’s one of the keys from stopping the poison infecting us - become satisfied with the familiar, revel in things you already have. Artist Andrew Wyeth from Pennsylvania writes ‘Most artists look for something fresh to paint; frankly I find that quite boring. For me it is much more exciting to find fresh meaning in something familiar.’ A proverb says: “A tranquil heart gives life to the flesh, but envy makes the bones rot.” Life is released to us when we enjoy what we have and enter more deeply into what we already possess, for in that we find tranquility. Envy rots us from the inside out. Another thing we can do if jealousy bites is pray - I know what you’re thinking - a standard Christian answer. I agree - but the thing is, it works! You can pray that God take away the jealousy, but you can also give thanks for what you and the other person have. Ouch! I know - give thanks that someone has a Maserati! But isn’t that what Jesus would have us do? Love our neighbour as ourself. Maseratis are fast but you can’t carry four children, one dog, one cat and two budgies in one so I’ll just continue to enjoy my Combi!”

might help. Firstly, why is he lying? When it comes to his marks, why is he afraid to tell you them? Why does he need you to think he’s doing better than he is? As parents we can feel concerned about our children, but we must not transmit that to them. We need to be the safe space that they can come to irrespective of the reasons for the poor performance. Our anger instills fear, not encouragement. When it comes to his out of school activities, do you have a reasonable agreement? Reasonable to him and to you, that is. Teenage vision is myopic and unless he believes you can understand his point of view, you will not get him to even begin to listen to yours. Secondly, when it comes to lying, we adults need to check that there are no double standards going on. Adults often `bend’ the truth but expect children to be 100% truthful all the time. Children are born with a hypocrisy radar and we lose the moral high ground if we don’t practise what we preach. You hear mothers saying `Don’t tell dad how much your new shoes cost’. Or a father saying `Tell your mum I’m busy’ when he doesn’t want to help with something.

had never been before and was excited to accept. When we met on the big day, he assumed I would be betting. As a Christian, I was caught in a difficult position!

Gambling has existed in every society - and seems to have been condemned universally too. The ancient Greeks considered it detrimental to state order; the ancient Egyptians thought it made men effeminate. My friend and I chatted about it. His view was that all of life is a gamble: every venture in life involves risk, from investing in the stock market to marriage! But I wonder. Isn’t there a distinction between the risks we face in daily life, and those to which we unnecessarily expose ourselves for thrills or profit? The ‘risks’ and dangers we face daily, are these really risks at all? When we put our entire life into God’s hands and are willing to accept His will no matter what, we can never suffer true loss. However, it seems to me that the real crux of the problem is not the element of chance, but the question of motivation. The basic aim of gambling is not to help others, but to help ourselves at their expense, without giving a fair service in return. If we really love our neighbour, will we wish to win at his expense?

This is an ongoing opportunity to partner with families who are caring for orphaned and vulnerable children in the most practical of ways. These families receive food and hygiene packs on a monthly basis. Please call Caroline on 021 761 1168 for further details.

care for kids - a life changed

betterlife

y name is Zandile* and I am 14 years old. I was born in the Eastern Cape, and from the time I was small I moved often. My mother lived in Johannesburg, so we lived with my brother. We were sometimes pushed out of the house by my brother’s wife who said there was no money to buy extra food for us. Then one day, when I was six years old, a lady came and asked if I’d like to go to Johannesburg to live with my mother and siblings. I didn’t recognise my mom when I arrived in the city but it was really awesome. When I was in grade three, my mother told me she was going to Mozambique to visit her other family. She was going to return, but weeks went by without hearing from her. Eventually, my neighbour received a call saying we would never see our mom again. We never understood why and I still don’t know if she just abandoned us or if she died. My life was miserable. I dropped out of school—my life was like pieces of a puzzle that needed to be put together. The only comfort I had was my big sister. I had to go back to the Eastern Cape while my sister stayed in Soweto, so I was so happy when my aunt in Cape Town offered to take me in. At first it was good. But she started getting sick a lot after giving birth to her

baby, and then she died. It felt like the world came to an end.

12 Plantation Road, Wetton, 7780

I’m there I can forget about the obstacles blocking my way, forget about yesterday and focus on today. I have many dreams and desires. The most important is finishing my studies. God has showered me with many talents, and I gotta use them! My top priorities are being a fashion designer, a tennis player, a hip-hop artist, a make-up artist or a model. This term I did so well. My motto in life is that everyone is a star and deserves a right to twinkle!

Thirdly, use this as an opportunity to talk about the Ten Commandments. Point out that God said ‘Don’t bear false witness’ as well as `Don’t murder’! Talk about some of the consequences of lying, the effects on relationships, on trust, on your own selfworth and the confusion it causes.

During my discussion with my horse-racing friend, the last thing I wanted was to be judgemental or adversarial. In my heart, I just wanted to ask, ‘What would God want me to do?’

The Warehouse cordially invites you to

I did this by loving the day and the atmosphere, cheering myself hoarse (forgive the pun), paying for the drinks and the food, and supporting my friend when his horses did not come in first!!”

Come and hear about The Warehouse’s work and meet some of the people involved in the various projects. It could change your life…

* Not her real name * Care for Kids offers holistic support to the carers of orphaned and vulnerable children through local churches in some of Cape Town’s most impoverished communities, hardest hit by HIV/Aids. This includes food, hygiene and education packs, financial support whilst carers are waiting for child support grants, emotional, psycho-social and spiritual support through regular support groups and home visits. For more information visit www.careforkids.org.za

A Coffee Morning

Good coffee and delicious nibbles will be served RSVP to Linda on linda@warehouse.org.za or 021 761 1168 for catering purposes

this page proudly sponsored by

Where’s The Warehouse?

‘Everyone is a star…’

This brought to mind the betting some people like to do in bridge – and led me to wonder if this is right. If it’s for a few coppers, then maybe there’s no harm in it. But again, there have to be winners and losers – and is it right to gain financially at the expense of others in any situation?

Saturday 2nd October 2010, 10 to 11.30am or Friday 29th October 2010, 10 to 11.30am

We recycle your quality second-hand or new furniture, clean clothes and linen to people in need. Please drop off any items Monday to Friday between 8am and 4pm. As we wish to bless people fully with your gifts, please make sure all items are in good condition for use. If you have a large electrical or furniture item such as a computer, appliance or bed, please call Caroline (021 761 1168) to establish if we can use it and to arrange collection.

Before my aunt died, we were introduced to volunteers from St Columba Church who run the Care for Kids* programme. They help us a lot, giving us food parcels and visiting me at home. I have a good relationship with them. They treat me like their own child and make sure that things are going okay and I am in school. I am now living with my other aunt and life is still not easy but I thank God for the church group that meets every Friday. This is where I find my happiness most of the time. When

Children who get brought into this collusion and deceit cannot help but have their idea of truth tarnished. How do we expect them to place a high value on truth if they see it being squandered by the very people they are expected to be truthful to?

And if you haven’t already, pray about it. This is a difficult issue but God doesn’t leave us to parent alone.”

Opportunities to give

Banking Details

Donations to The Warehouse are tax-deductible, and we can help with the paperwork! If you feel moved to make a donation, our banking details are:

Account name: The Warehouse Trust Account number: 071 883 053 Account type: Current Bank: Standard Bank, (4 Dreyer Street, Claremont, 7700 South Africa)

Branch: Claremont Branch Code: 025109 Swift Code: SBZAZAJJ

Call us: 021 761 1168 Click on us: www.warehouse.org.za

sportymoment

younglife

Jerome Damon, world cup whistleman ‘I love the challenge’

EROME DAMON, 37, HAS JUST MADE

ey everyone, I’m Georgie. I’m 12 and I’m desperate to be a chef

SOUTH AFRICAN HISTORY AS THE

or a photographer when I’m older. I very much enjoy swimming, hockey, geography, computers and white chocolate!! I go to CHS (Church of the Holy Spirit). Here are scenes from my life with all my fab friends.

FIRST SOUTH AFRICAN

EVER INVITED TO REFEREE AT the Fifa World Cup. As a schoolboy growing up in Athlone he made his debut as a ref by chance, helping out friends when their own ref did not show up. Today he is regarded as the Premier Soccer League’s MOST

CONSISTENT REF.

Me and my two best friends Bryony (pink) and Stephanie (blue)

For four years he underwent Fifa’s demanding no-guarantees programme to test his suitability for 2010, and this February was finally told he had made the grade. Jerome teaches life orientation and English at Bridgetown Secondary School, Athlone. He is married to Bronwyn, has two young children, and attends Christ Church, Kenilworth. He graciously granted thislife a peek into his world.

Stay calm! Over the years I’ve realised there’s no point in getting aggro in a match.

Worst refereeing moment? The one and only time Bronwyn came to watch me ref. I gave Gary McNab of Moroka Swallows a free kick but he took too long. I blew my whistle for half time even though the ball went in the net. I had to disallow it and the team lost by that goal. The crowd started baying for my blood and after the match I had to be escorted from the stadium by bodyguards and Bronwyn had to deny all knowledge of me.

Best meal? The

basil chicken at Chai-Yo in Mowbray.

My cellphone. I say I’m going to stay away from it, I try hard, but I can’t.

Why God? Because I believe He loves me and has a plan and purpose for me and has asked us to love Him back. I believe He brought me to where I am. In 1989 I was challenged in a youth meeting to: “Dare to be great or you never will be,” so I said to God “I want to be great at something but my talents are limited, so how about helping me with football? I’d like to ref in the World Cup one day, so if that’s your plan for me please open the right doors and show me what I

sportymoment

How God? I always grew up with a sense of Him. My mom ensured that I went to Sunday School from the age of two and was confirmed by the age of 14. I loved going to church with her although sometimes, like most teenage boys, I went to church just for the girls! But I didn’t feel complete until one day a preacher preached a lesson I had heard a million times before: John 3:3 [“Jesus said: ‘I tell you the truth, unless you are born again, you cannot see the Kingdom of God.’ ”] I realised that ‘playing church’ was not going to help, I needed to have a relationship with the head of the Church, God. That night I entered into a relationship with Him, which was the start of something wonderful that to this day I have no regrets over. I am nothing, have nothing without God!

Favourite spiritual bit? Philippians 1 verse 6: “God, who began a good work within you, will continue His work until it is finally finished.” Whenever I feel down or get thrown a curved ball I cling to the fact that God knows what’s best for me, His ways are not my own.

One thing not a lot of people know about the Fifa World Cup is… FIFA has a requirement for everything, including the colour of the

Most irritating habit?

Plotting with Bryony on how to win the gala

grass! Also, South Africa agreed to all Fifa’s hosting rules so we can’t really complain that we want to change things, have hawkers where we like, etc. Maybe the public should have been better informed that there are no special deals for South Africa.

One thing not a lot of people know about Jerome Damon is… Big mouth, softie underneath. I think.

sportymoment

Awesome time at the supertubes with my friend Maddy

CURIOUS KIDS

Best refereeing advice?

must do.” Now here I am on the threshold of what God wants me to do. I have a story to tell and a motivation for the children in my school who say they come from a bad area and have no future. I tell them I came from that same area but nonetheless God has fitted together my three passions - football, school and family.

Posing for a school camp photo Lolly – the love of my life!!

Well done to Georgie for submitting her photolog and winning cupcakes for 20 kids from The Cupcake Boutique

YOU CAN WIN TOO!

Q: Do pets go to heaven? A: This sounds like a simple question doesn’t it! But actually it’s not!

share your world with us

When God created the world He made everything good – that includes both humans and animals. Even though human beings turned away from Him He has never stopped being the creator and owner of the world, and everything in it. So although the Bible teaches us that people can have a special relationship with Him that animals aren’t aware of, animals belong to God as much as humans do.

Calling all 12 year olds and under!

WIN a trip for two to COOL RUNNINGS toboggan track! Simply send us your photolog with short captions and the one we love most will be published in our next mag and win the prize! Contact details p 2.

What’s yellow and walks into walls?

When the Bible speaks about heaven it often describes scenes which involve animals so it’s likely that animals will be present there. However, the truth is that the Bible leaves this as one of the many things we’ll only discover once we get there! (Rev John Atkinson, Christ Church, Kenilworth)

WIN a ‘thislife’ cap! Send a CURIOUS KIDS question to thislifemag@gmail.com or sms it to us on 076 905 2338.

The most difficult question wins!

What’s brown and sticky? A stick

Football is an emotional game. Ask two people about the same decision and they will probably differ. It goes with the territory and you have to accept it and go with it. I thrive on refereeing the tight matches that call on all my abilities – the need to be fit, alert and stay calm becomes paramount. I love the challenge of an attacker breaking first. I go all out to keep up with them and all the while I’m thinking “You see Pally, I can keep up with you!” You have to make the players realise you’re on top of things.

Having fun with my friends – Everybody’s a STAR!

Casper the Friendly Banana

Why bother to referee with all the insults and criticism it brings?

Professional photography, here I come!

Swimming party pic Put your hands up for God!

A little boy was overheard praying: ‘Lord, if you can’t make me a better boy, don’t worry about it, I’m having a really great time as I am!’

A mother invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to her 6 year-old-daughter and said “Would you like to say grace? Just say what you hear Mummy say.’ The daughter bowed her head and said ‘Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?’

this page proudly sponsored by Metacapital (Pty) Ltd, Trusts and Tax Specialist: jwebber@iafrica.com

sportymoment

hot off the press… BECOMING WHAT YOU ARE by Dr Arnold Mol, R120

goodread

SO, YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED? By Michael Cassidy, R90

WIN

The parish comprises six Anglican churches, detailed here, which are varied in tradition and worship style but united in ethos.

Parish office: St John’s Road, Wynberg

Who’s Dr Arnold Mol? A management consultant by profession and industrial psychologist by training who likes interpreting the Bible in practical terms (also father of TV man Michael). What’s it about? God’s love for us. How to enjoy it, rather than live with a sense of never quite making the grade. What else? How to grow spiritually (often, leave it to God. Thank heavens for that.) There seem to be a lot of ‘how tos’ in this book? Yes, you’re right. Here are some more. How to avoid temptation, how to cope with suffering, how to avoid the performance trap that has crept into so many churches...

A copy of this book by sending us five sentences about a God-related book that has inspired you. Donated by CUM Books.

The Hub: St John’s Parish, Wynberg

What is it? A set of easy-reading letters to a young engaged couple by SA’s esteemed and amusing Michael Cassidy. His wisdom is based on 40 years of marriage and couple counselling and he offers a healthy perspective on courting, the wedding day, honeymoon and tips for habits to set in place in the first year of marriage. Cassidy writes openly about sex, in-laws, good choices, legal aspects, possible future children and finances. The book is practical for engaged couples, and sets challenges for married couples too.

(next to Springfield Convent and St John’s Church) Tel: 021 761 9020 Fax: 021 762 5970 Email:stjohns@stjohns.org.za Website: www.stjohns.org.za

NEWS in pics

St Luke’s Church Annandale Road, Diep River 021 712 6690 Email: admin@stlukes.org.za Services SUNDAYS 7.30am, 9.30am

Church of the Holy Spirit 38 Raapkraal Road, Kirstenhof 021 701 3201 www.chscapetown.org Services SUNDAYS 8am, 10am

St John’s Church St John’s Road, Wynberg 021 797 8968 Services SUNDAYS 7.45am, 9.30am

Christ Church, Kenilworth Richmond Road, Kenilworth 021 797 6332 Website: www.christ-church.org.za Email: reception@christ-church.org.za Services SUNDAYS 8am, 10am, 7pm WEDNESDAYS 10am

St Philip’s Church Range Road, Kenwyn Email: mark@wetherleys.co.za or luba@gam.co.za Services SUNDAYS 9.00am

Emmanuel Church Ottery Road, Wynberg 021 797 0179 Email: Emmanuel.Wynbergct@telkomsa.net Services SUNDAYS 9.30am

who?what?where? MARKET DAY: C hurch of the Holy Spirit held a ‘marketplace of ministries’ to highlight a variety of its projects and ministries. Judy Lambrecht and her children were at the Westlake stall. A volunteer for the Westlake United Church Trust, she works in a sewing and beading project, training the Westlake community to make

Review by Jill Bergman, who runs The Marriage Course at Christ Church, Kenilworth.

WIN A copy of ‘So, You Want to Get Married?’ by sending us five sentences about

a God-related book that has inspired you. Donated by CUM Books.

SPOTLIGHT ON... Books that have inspired me

beautiful belts, bags and necklaces.

Call 083 651 3132 if you’re interested in getting involved or call the church for details of other projects.

all over Cape Town have been presented with a doll or knitted heart by Straatwerk, a programme which educates the vulnerable as it reaches out to prostitutes, their children and other children at risk. We salute Lisa de Palma of Christ Church who is involved in this work - more essential than ever as the threat of human trafficking has increased around World Cup 2010. Call Madri Bruwer for further info on 072 179 8378.

Peter Botha, retired store manager What happens when women pray? by Evelyn Christenson (from R140, Karmal Books, 021 713 0267 and Scripture Union, 021 689 8334) Rebecca Parry, clinical psychologist and teacher Mere Christianity by C S Lewis (R118, Exclusive Books and elsewhere, also on CD) This book captivated me at the age of 21 when I was searching for intellectual backup for Christianity. Former atheist CS Lewis tackles the Christian faith with wit and objectivity. It opened my eyes to who Jesus Christ really is. Lewis reveals that we can never say Jesus is merely a great moral teacher because his own teachings don’t give us that option. Jesus is either a lunatic, a liar or… God. I’ve often re-read and shared Lewis’ insights and found they bring hope and faith to others.

I read this two years ago and it has had a big impact on my life – even though I’m not a woman! It challenges you to pray for God’s will in your life rather than your own. It encourages you to ask God ‘So what do you want for me… how, why, where, when?’ Since reading this I started a men’s prayer group and we go outside and pray in Kirstenbosch or Fishhoek and though we shuffled our feet a lot to start with, we’re slowly learning to listen to that still, small voice of God. I’ve also started praying when I wake at night because the author says don’t count sheep, talk to The Shepherd!

Caity Walters, schoolgirl Viva Vermont by Melody Carlson (R109, Karmal Books, 021 713 0267) This book captivated me so much I read it in one day! It’s about a group of girls who are invited to a luxurious ski lodge but unknown to their hostess, one girl invites some guys and they all find themselves in a gigantic mess. What I liked about the book was the ongoing excitement and surprises. It also pointed out things that could be applied to my life – such as do what you believe is right not what is cool, it’s important to forgive and God is there to help us make decisions if we ask Him. I definitely want to try another book from the series!’

HOME AT LAST:

No-Amen (in red hat) and

her family at the house which members of St John’s parish helped her build.

HABITAT FOR HUMANITY BUILD 13th to 17th September 2010 (interested in helping out for a day or two? Contact Peter Tomalin on 083 702 3701 or tomalin@mweb.co.za)

I was attracted to this book by its back cover which talked of a church that built a $25 million extension in a city where one in five people lived in poverty. My favourite quote from it is: ‘[Our faith] isn’t just about trying to save the world. It’s about saving ourselves. From the kingdom of comfort. From the empire of indifference. From an exile of irrelevance.’ Some say Rob Bell is a modern prophet, others that’s he’s a heretic. To me, he’s someone who gets me thinking about living out my faith in a practical way. I’ve read the book twice now, will probably read it again, and am still thinking!

This book has been really valuable to me. It’s about our need for approval from others and the way we judge our worth by other people’s opinion of us - if we don’t get their approval, we can feel we’re not good enough. Joyce Meyer challenges this thinking and points out the only the approval we need is God’s. The book helped me with a big decision I was delaying for fear of what the other person would think and say. It encouraged me to step up and do what I knew was right.

WIN

Musicalmoment: M embers of Church

of the Holy Spirit have been creating. Richard Lange, worship leader at the church, recently launched his new CD, Faithful. Masquerading as an IT professional during the week, Richard writes his songs late at night and mostly in the dark, thankful for thick walls and mostly deaf neighbours. Call 072 100 7727 for a copy @ R100.

join us, churchgoers or not! St John’s Church children’s holiday club from June 28 to July 2 – again, all welcome! The annual Orange River canoe trip is being run again by Christ Church from 28th September to 3rd October 2010. All teens welcome. Enquiries to Andrew Vaughan (andrew@christ-church.org.za or 021 797 6332).

COURSES and other stuff (all welcome, churchgoers or not…) NB This is only a small selection for what’s on offer. Contact the churches individually for more comprehensive info.

starts Wednesday 21st July (The other churches in the parish have not yet announced their Alpha course dates. Please call them for up-to-date details) WHAT IS ALPHA? (Alpha (www.alpha.org) is a fun, non-threatening course which examines the claims of Christianity, aimed particularly at anyone who doesn’t attend church or who seeks to ‘brush up’ their spirituality. It’s non-denominational and has been attended by over 12 million people in 163 countries worldwide. Usually run evenings, over dinner.

Parenting teens A course from the UK grounded in reality and years of experience, with much practical advice to offer. Provisionally planned @ Christ Church for 3rd term 2010, contact the church for details. Parenting children Contact Christ Church for details of the next course. Boundaries Helps us discover where our responsibilities lie, and where they do not. 3rd term, Christ Church. Marriage preparation course Starts Monday 11th October @ Christ Church. Beyond divorce workshop Aimed at anyone who has experienced the devastation of separation or divorce, this workshop gives insight from experienced speakers and others who have been through what you have, and assists in the process of readjustment in your life. 3rd term 2010@ Christ Church. Contact Sue 021 797 6332.

this page proudly sponsored by Merchant West Cape, an authorised business financial services provider www.merchantwest.co.za, or email neilm@merchantwestcape.co.za 021 787 9191

076 905 2338 to win a copy of Faithful

YOUTH St John’s Church soccer holiday club at Wynberg military base from June 15 to 19 – everyone welcome to

starts Wednesday 6th October

Lost in Las Vegas, a book from the Carter House Girls series. Simply sms your name plus ‘Lost in Las Vegas’ to 076 905 2338. Donated by Karmal Books, Bergvliet.

FAITHFUL CD to

COMING UP

Alpha @ St Luke’s Church Pat Walker, occupational therapy assistant Approval Addiction by Joyce Meyer (about R150, available from Exclusive Books and many others )

Sms the words

Meanwhile Joyce Scott, member of the church, has written a book, Moving into African Music, which draws on four decades of experience in using music to educate a community and solve communal problems. Contact rejoyce@netactive.co.za or 078 404 0707 should you require a copy (R120).

Alpha @ St John’s Church

Gregg Sneddon, financial coach Jesus wants to save Christians by Rob Bell (around R130, www.loot.co.za or www. kalahari.net)

WIN

T housands of children

Join a group?

Moms Connect Calling all mothers…come and chill with other mothers of babies and toddlers Venue? Relaxed @ Christ Church Timing? Thursdays @ 10 Want more info? Contact Jill Mathew on 072 329 0281 jjmathew@telkomsa.net Who’s invited? Anyone with a baby or toddler: those in the parish and those who’ve never heard of it Searching for answers? Consider Group One Eighteen, an informal group which meets on a drop-in basis at a Rondebosch home three times a term (eves) for people with intellectual questions about Christianity. Contact Alex Cotchobos, 082 990 3934. Connect groups Fancy a fortnightly meal and talk with a group of like-minded people? Whether you’re a churchgoer or not, there is a place for you. Christ Church’s connect groups meet across the southern suburbs of Cape Town, often in people’s homes. For more details about who, when and where, visit our webpage www.christ-church.org.za/connect-groups or call 021 797 6332.

this page proudly sponsored by Walton Jessop Attorneys Barry Jessop: barry@barefootattorneys.co.za

WIN

a soccer dolly keyring (see left), the perfect World Cup gift! Sms SOCCER DOLLY to 076 905 2338. Also available @ R30 from 021 465 1586 / 082 898 9206

TOP 10

feelgood

presents

1 2

ant to give a present that goes on giving?

There’s a wealth of fabulous gifts out there that benefit and encourage upliftment projects – you just have to know

where to look. thislife has taken the hassle out of it for you and tracked down 10 fabulous

gift ideas!

1. material

elephant - R380 Small things Big things, The Love Project, 55 Kloof Street, 072 972 2044 2. fabric belt - R60 Westlake United Church Trust, call Judy on 083 651 3132 3. teapot - R120 Montebello,31 Newlands Avenue, 021 6856445 4. blue shweshwe kids’ shoes with red trim - R200 Montebello, 31 Newlands Avenue, 021 685 6445 5. wallets – R20 each Soil

for Life, Stables Lane, off Brounger Way, Constantia, Tel: 021 794 4982 6. slug

and snail packet – R20 Soil for Life,

Stables Lane, off Brounger Way, Constantia, Tel: 021 794 4982 7. permaculture

smurf box – R110 Soil for Life, Stables

Lane, off Brounger Way, Constantia, Tel: 021 794 4982 8. zebra

soccer bowl - R490 Light from Africa,

Erf 839

Rhodes Drive, Constantia Nek, Tel: 021 794 0291 9. tea

bag gift card - R28 T bag, Unit 3 and 4

Kronendal Office park, Main Road, Hout Bay, Tel: 021 790 0887 10.

goedgedacht salad

dressing - R24.95 Pick n Pay

… and it’s goodbye from us, see you next time, mwah