Tidbits of South Denver Metro by Tidbits Of Denver

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Of South Denver Metro

April 17 - April 25, 2012

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THE U.S. ON TRIAL! Our great country has seen its fair share of odd criminal cases. Here are some of the more peculiar or funny ones. • • Violators of a noise ordinance in Fort Lupton, Colorado, were sentenced to face the music by being made to listen to loud music by artists such as Barry Manilow and Dolly Parton. • • In Niagara Falls, New York, a judge was so enraged by a cell phone going off during court that, when no one owned up to the phone, he threw the entire courtroom in jail. • • In Delray Beach, Florida, a man was arrested after a dispute with his wife, who refused to give him his “lucky” boxer shorts. • • In Cochocton, Ohio, a judge gave two young offenders an option in punishment for throwing beer bottles at ladies: 60 days in jail or one hour

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Laugh Lines! “Doctor, Doctor, you’ve got to help me - I just can’t stop my hands from shaking!” “Do you drink a lot?” “Not really - I spill most of it.” “Doctor, Doctor, what’s the prognosis?” “I’ll give you just two months.” “Could I have April and May?” “Doctor, Doctor, my wife’s contractions are only two minutes apart.” “Is this her first child?” “No, you idiot - this is her husband!” “Doctor, Doctor, I keep thinking I’m a vampire.” “Necks, please.” “Doctor, Doctor, will this ointment clear up my spots?” “I never make rash promises!” “Doctor, Doctor, if I give up booze and women, will I live longer?” “Not really. It will just seem longer.”

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walking through downtown dressed as women. They chose the latter. • • When two men in Painesville, Ohio, were charged for shooting up a neighbor’s house with paintball guns, the judge ordered them to continue their target practice — on their own cars. • • Two teenage girls in Boca Raton, Florida, were arrested for a catfight over what one of them had posted on Myspace. • • A man in Bristol, Pennsylvania, was arrested after robbing a house when he found himself unable to leave. The man had entered the garage and locked the door behind him, only to discover he couldn’t get the automatic door to open. He remained in the garage for eight days, living on Pepsi and dog food until the startled owners came home. • • A man in San Diego, California, was charged with stealing lobsters from traps. When the police arrived to arrest him, he hid the plundered lobsters in his pants. Ouch! • • Shane Stant went before an Oregon judge to have his record expunged after a felony conviction for his part in the 1994 Olympic skating scandal that sidelined Nancy Kerrigan and put Tonya Harding in jail. His reason for wanting his record expunged? His felony was keeping him out of the Navy Seals. • • In the 1991 film “The Super,” Joe Pesci played a slumlord who was sentenced to live in his own run-down apartment building. In 2008, a Cleveland judge gave a man the same punishment: house arrest in his own dilapidated building. • • A Los Angeles woman was charged with wasting police resources after she called 911 to report that her onion rings were cold after receiving them at a local fast food joint. • • A woman in Lake Parsippany, New Jersey, was charged with disorderly conduct after making several 911 calls. She insisted that it wasn’t her fault, saying her German shepherd had made them without her knowledge. • • A Georgia judge got tough on graffiti by ordering vandalized businesses to remove the offending graffiti in 30 days or face a $1,000 fine. • • Don’t steal Wi-Fi service in Florida, or you can face a felony charge. That’s what one man discovered after accessing a homeowner’s service while in his car. The homeowner reported the crime after noticing an unfamiliar car parked in front of his house. • • A police chief in Washington, D.C., learned first hand about crime when his squad car was stolen a block from his home. He was disciplined for leaving his riot gear in the trunk. • • A man in Berkeley, California, received several ransom notes after a 6-foot tall Cyprus tree was stolen from in front of his house. The price of its return was the replanting of the tree in a place that didn’t obstruct the view of drivers in the neighborhood. • • A man in Madison, Wisconsin, isn’t remarkable for why he was arrested (for violating probation), but for his

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Issue #504

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name. His legal name is Beezow DooDoo Zopittybop-Bop-Bop. • • A 65-year-old Utah woman was charged with misdemeanor assault for an attack on the driver of an ice-cream truck. She claimed the attack was justified because the prices of the frozen treats were too high. • • When a policeman pulled over a Washington man for speeding, he discovered that the passenger was a green skeleton in a hooded sweatshirt. The driver employed his scary co-pilot to use the faster commuter lane. • • A Florida man was charged with bribery of a public official when he tried to bribe two arresting officers with tickets for the Miami Dolphins, who started the 2011 season by losing its first seven games. Said the chastising judge: “Have you been watching the Dolphins? No one’s going to go to that game.” • • Four Pittsburgh teens were caught and charged with theft after showing off their stolen loot on Facebook just an hour after they robbed a convenience store. • • Two Florida women were accused of stealing decorations this past Christmas. They were caught because they put them in their yard less than a block from where the items had been stolen. • • In Brookville, Pennsylvania, a 45-year-old man was charged with disorderly conduct after faking his own death to get out of work. He wrote up his own memorial notice, which was actually published in the local newspaper. • • A Washington jury acquitted a man involved in a break-in where he threw a weasel at the homeowner. The weasel was deceased, and the projectile caused no harm.

April 17 - April 25, 2012

Page 3

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Issue #504

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Week of April 16th ¥ On April 20, 1841, Edgar Allen Poe’s short story, “The Murders in the Rue Morgue,” first appears in Graham’s Lady’s and Gentleman’s Magazine. It is generally considered to be the first detective story. Like the later Sherlock Holmes stories, the tale is narrated by the detective’s roommate. ¥ On April 22, 1889, at precisely high noon, thousands of would-be settlers make a mad dash into the newly opened Oklahoma Territory to claim cheap land. All told, from 50,000 to 60,000 settlers entered the territory that day. Towns like Norman, Oklahoma City, Kingfisher and Guthrie sprang into being almost overnight. ¥ On April 21, 1918, in the skies over France, Manfred von Richthofen, the notorious German flying ace known as “The Red Baron” with 80 victories under his belt, is killed by Allied fire. He was 25 years old. ¥ On April 17, 1937, Daffy Duck makes his debut in the Warner Bros. short “Porky’s Duck Hunt.” In the 1920s, movie houses had started showing a short cartoon before feature presentations, but the form became more popular after sound was introduced in 1928. ¥ On April 16, 1947, in Texas City’s port on Galveston Bay, a fire aboard the French freighter Grandcamp ignites ammonium nitrate, causing a massive blast that destroys much of the city and takes nearly 600 lives. The fire department tried to douse the flames, but the ship was so hot that the water from their fire hoses was instantly vaporized. ¥ On April 19, 1957, the Brattle Theater in Cambridge, Mass., presents its first showing of “Casablanca,” introducing a new generation to Humphrey Bogart, who had died months earlier. Bogart had been wounded aboard a Navy ship during World War 1. His upper lip was scarred and partially paralyzed, giving him the tough-guy poker face and slight lisp that characterized his acting. ¥ On April 18, 1983, Joan Benoit wins her second Boston Marathon in the women’s division with a time of 2:22:43. The inaugural Boston Marathon was run on Apr. 19, 1897, and was a men-only event until 1972, when women were officially allowed to compete. (c) 2012 King Features Synd., Inc.

Heart-Attack Victims Can Grow New Arteries DEAR DR. DONOHUE: I don’t remember you addressing this subject, so I thought I would write. In 1997, I had a mild heart attack and went on medicines. Six months later I had another mild incident that led me to angioplasty. Ever since, I have been eating well, exercising and taking all my meds. My cardiologist says I have great collaterals. I have sprouted new vessels for my heart. I thought I should have some kind of intervention, but the doctor says no. Can you discuss autogenesis? Am I related to a starfish? -- R.S. ANSWER: You’re the first writer ever to use the word “autogenesis.” If a starfish loses an arm, it grows another -- autogenesis. Humans have the same ability when it comes to blood vessels. They can grow new ones, and do so in many instances. Heart-attack victims often can sprout new arteries. It’s a long process. It doesn’t happen overnight. And it doesn’t happen to all people. Count yourself lucky. The booklet on CAD -- coronary artery disease -- discusses how vessels become plugged and how they are treated. To order a copy, write: Dr. Donohue -- No. 101W, Box 536475, Orlando, FL 32853-6475. Enclose a check or money order (no cash) for $4.75 U.S./$6 Canada with the recipient’s printed name and address. Please allow four weeks for delivery. *** DEAR DR. DONOHUE: I looked in the mirror this morning and couldn’t believe what I saw. My right eye was bright red. It looked like someone had punched me. When my husband saw it, he asked if he had hit me while he was asleep. He didn’t. It doesn’t hurt. My vision is perfect. My eye looks frightful. Do I need to see a doctor? -- Y.T. ANSWER: Your question is asked repeatedly. My long-distance guess is a subconjunctival hemorrhage. The conjunctiva is a cellophane-like covering of the eye. Beneath it is a network of invisible blood vessels. When one of those delicate vessels breaks, blood covers that part of the eye. Coughing, sneezing or straining causes the breakage. Sometimes it happens for no apparent reason. The eye looks awful, but no real harm is done. The blood is absorbed in about a week. You can hurry it up by putting warm compresses over the closed eye. You need to see a doctor if the eye begins to pain you, if the blood stays for longer than a week or if it happens time and again. *** DEAR DR. DONOHUE: Does heartburn cause asthma attacks? It sounds weird to me, but my doctor thinks that’s what causing my breathing problems. He has me on medicines for heartburn. I can’t believe they’ll help. -- J.R. ANSWER: Your doctor isn’t coming from out of left field. Heartburn can be an asthma trigger. Heartburn is officially called gastroesophageal reflux -- an upward shooting of stomach acid and digestive juices into the esophagus, the swallowing tube. The juices can rise so far up that they leak out of the esophagus and trickle into the bronchi, the airways. That’s what sets off an asthma attack. *** Dr. Donohue regrets that he is unable to answer individual letters, but he will incorporate them in his column whenever possible. Readers may write him or request an order form of available health newsletters at P.O. Box 536475, Orlando, FL 32853-6475. (c) 2012 North America Synd., Inc. All Rights Reserved

A man goes into a drug store and asks the pharmacist if he can give him something for the hiccups. The pharmacist promptly reaches out and slaps the man’s face. “What the heck did you do that for!?!” the man screams. “Well, you don’t have the hiccups anymore do you?” The man says, “No I don’t, you IDIOT... But my wife out in the car still does!”

April 17 - April 25, 2012

Page 5

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Earth Day Lessons Can Apply to Investors, Too April 22 is Earth Day. Started in 1970 by Senator Gaylord Nelson, Earth Day is designed to create awareness of the Earth’s environment and to encourage conservation efforts. If you and your family participate in Earth Day events, such as helping Dustin Friend clean up a local park or taking materials to a recycling center, you know the benefits of doing your part to improve your surroundings. But are you doing everything you can to upgrade your environment for investing? Actually, as an investor, you can learn a lot from the lessons of Earth Day. Here are just a few ideas: Diversify. If you’re familiar with Earth Day, you know that it involves multiple activities, including educational programs and do-it-now action steps. This variety is necessary because protecting our environment is a complex challenge. Meeting your short- and long-term investment goals can be challenging, too, but you’ll have a better chance of success by diversifying your investment dollars across a range of vehicles, such as stocks, bonds, government securities and certificates of deposit (CDs). Diversification can help reduce the impact of volatility on your portfolio — and high volatility can be an obstacle for some people trying to follow an investment strategy. (Keep in mind, though, that diversification, by itself, cannot guarantee a profit or protect against loss.) Seek growth opportunities. Some people plant trees on Earth Day, hoping to watch them grow over the years. As an investor, you, too, need to plant “seeds” today in the hopes of growth in the future. That means, among other things, that when you purchase growth-oriented investments for the long term, you need to try to stick with them and not “uproot” them after shortterm declines in price. Develop good habits. If you attend an Earth Day program, you will learn about many ecofriendly habits you can develop, from using energy-efficient light bulbs to recycling old computers and other electronic devices. To invest successfully, it’s important to develop good habits, such as staying invested in all types of markets, seeking tax-advantaged investments and reviewing your portfolio regularly to make sure it’s still appropriate for your risk tolerance, time horizon and long-term objectives. Avoid “toxins.” At some Earth Day events, you can learn about “green” substitutes for toxic chemicals in common household cleaners. When you invest, you may also want to avoid “toxins” — or at least “toxic” behaviors, such as chasing after “hot” stocks that are inappropriate for your needs or trading so frequently that you run up big fees, commissions and taxes. Think long term. Above all else, Earth Day is a reminder to us that we all want to leave a healthy planet to future generations — which ...continued on next column

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Earth Day Lessons Can Apply to Investors, Too continued...

means we need to make moves that are beneficial for the environment over the long term. When you invest, you also need to focus on the future. That means following a long-term investment strategy and not getting sidetracked by short-term events, such as political crises and economic downturns. Earth Day comes once a year, but its lessons can have a lasting impact on our environment. When you apply these same lessons to your own investment environment, you may be able to achieve some healthy results. This article was written by Edward Jones for use by your local Edward Jones Financial Advisor.

Week of April 16th ARIES (March 21 to April 19) The Lamb loves to be surrounded by flocks of admirers. But be careful that someone doesn’t take his or her admiration too far. Use your persuasive skills to let him or her down easily. TAURUS (April 20 to May 20) This is a good time to begin setting far-reaching goals and connecting with new contacts. Aspects also favor strengthening old relationships -- personal and/or professional. GEMINI (May 21 to June 20) A personal disappointment should be viewed as a valuable learning experience. Go over what went wrong and see where a change in tactics might have led to a more positive outcome. CANCER (June 21 to July 22) Don’t leave projects unfinished or personal obligations unresolved, or you might find yourself tripping over all those loose ends later on. A relative has important news. LEO (July 23 to August 22) Expect a challenge to the usual way you do things. Although you might prefer the tried-and-true, once you take a good look at this new idea, you might feel more receptive to it. VIRGO (August 23 to September 22) Much work has yet to be done to polish a still-rough idea into something with significant potential. Expect to encounter some initial rejection, but stay with it nonetheless. LIBRA (September 23 to October 22) There still might be some communication problems in the workplace, but they should be resolved soon. Meanwhile, that “tip” from a friend should be checked out. SCORPIO (October 23 to November 21) A new relationship appears to need more from you than you might be willing to give right now. Best advice: Resist making promises you might not be able to keep. SAGITTARIUS (November 22 to December 21) That restless feeling encourages you to gallop off into a new venture. But remember to keep hold of the reins so you can switch paths when necessary. CAPRICORN (December 22 to January 19) A demanding work schedule keeps the highspirited Goat from kicking up his or her heels. But playtime beckons by the week’s end. Have fun. You earned it. AQUARIUS (January 20 to February 18) You’re beginning to come out from under those heavy responsibilities you took on. Use this freed-up time to enjoy some much-deserved fun with people close to you. PISCES (February 19 to March 20) Before you get swept away by a tidal wave of conflicting priorities, take time to come up for air, and reassess the situation. You might be surprised by what you’ll find. BORN THIS WEEK: Your leadership qualities are enhanced by a practical sense of purpose that keeps you focused on your goals. (c) 2012 King Features Synd., Inc.

Tidbits® of South Denver Metro

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By Samantha Weaver ¥ It was Scottish author and historian Thomas Carlyle who made the following sage observation: “The greatest of faults is to be conscious of none.” ¥ If you’re planning to travel to Washington state with nefarious plans, here’s an interesting law to keep in mind: Any motorist with criminal intent is required to stop before entering a town and inform the chief of police of his or her presence. ¥ Are you more afraid of lightning or sharks? If you look at the numbers, it makes more sense to fear lightning; more than three times as many people die from lightning strikes than do so in shark attacks. ¥ The acids in your digestive system are so corrosive that your stomach must produce an entirely new lining every three days. ¥ As the Black Plague was sweeping Europe during the Middle Ages, some people, for reasons surpassing understanding, believed that plague victims could cure themselves by smelling human waste. ¥ It was in 1893 that the zipper was invented, and it was originally intended to be used in shoes. ¥ If you’re familiar with the Disney film “Cinderella,” you might be surprised to learn some details about the Grimm brothers’ version of the folktale. In their story, Cinderella’s wicked stepsisters are so desperate to marry the prince that they mutilate their feet in order to try to make them fit in the slipper (which, in the Grimm version, is made of gold, not glass). Also, at the wedding of Cinderella and her prince, the stepsisters’ eyes are plucked out by pigeons. *** Thought for the Day: “The tax which will be paid for education is not more than the thousandth part of what will be paid to kings, priests, and nobles who will rise up among us if we leave the people to ignorance.” -- Thomas Jefferson (c) 2012 King Features Synd., Inc.

DEAR PAW’S CORNER: I have to take a trip across the country in about a month, and I hate the thought of leaving my dog “Snoops” alone, even with a house sitter stopping by. I don’t want to put him into a cargo crate and ship him to where I’m going. Can I sneak my dog on board the airplane instead? -- Sign me “Shhhh” in Little Rock, Ark. DEAR SHHHH: Why sneak your dog aboard? Some airlines allow very small dogs -those that can fit into a handheld carrier that fits beneath the airline seat in front of you -to fly with their owner. Check with your airline about this option, any additional fees, rules and restrictions well before your flight. Under no circumstances should you try to sneak your dog into the passenger cabin. You will be found out, and the complications of your trip will multiply exponentially. Flying your pet, or with your pet, is a common activity and a common worry for pet owners. Some pet websites list airlines with pet travel policies, such as dogfriendly.com, which recently updated its list. Most interesting is the newly launched airline, Pet Airways (http://www.petairways.com/), which doesn’t fly people at all -- just pets (with a human attendant on board to monitor and care for them). No matter how you decide to get Snoops across the country, follow a few important steps when transporting him. Make sure his carrier is sturdy and comfortable and includes his favorite toys and blanket. Don’t feed him less than five hours before his flight. Give him water two hours before the flight. If you aren’t confident in the airline’s ability to transport him, consider leaving him with a sitter or at a pet hotel until you return. Send your questions or tips to ask@pawscorner.com, or write to Paw’s Corner, c/o King Features Weekly Service, P.O. Box 536475, Orlando, FL 32853-6475. For more pet care-related advice and information, visit www.pawscorner.com. (c) 2012 King Features Synd., Inc.

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April 17 - April 25, 2012

Tammy’s Favorite Recipes By Tammy Knight

Hot Chicken Salad Here is a great chicken salad recipe that our family loves! 5 cups cooked, cubed chicken 2 cups chopped celery 1 cup sliced water chestnuts 1 1/2 cups mayonnaise 3 tsp. grated onion 3 Tbsp. lemon juice 1 small pkg. sliced almonds 3/4 cup grated Cheddar cheese 1/4 tsp. curry powder Seasoned salt/pepper to taste 1 cup crushed potato chips Mix together chicken, celery, chestnuts, mayonnaise, onion and lemon juice. Add almonds, cheese, and seasonings. Top with potato chips. Bake, uncovered, in a 9x13 inch pan at 350 degrees for 20 to 25 minutes. Serve hot (or cold) on lettuce leaf. YUM!

¥ A top coat a day keeps the manicurist away! Revive your polish by giving the ends a quick coat of clear top coat daily to extend the life of your manicure. ¥ “I like to cut out and save comic strips. I used to put them in photo albums with the plastic sleeves, but the pages were a little small. Now, I used scrapbook pages, which are much wider. I just glue them to a coordinating color paper. They look much nicer, too.” -- R.A. in Virginia ¥ To keep spring boots looking tall and smelling pretty good, loosely roll a thin stack of newspaper, stick it down the leg portion of your boot, then fill it with a stack of balled-up newspapers. It will support the leg, which will not flop over and cause cracks. And the newspaper absorbs any smells. ¥ “The hardware on my favorite purse started to look very banged-up and was flaking. I found a silver leafing pen at the craft store, and it was very easy to spruce my bag up again.” -- A Reader, via email ¥ If you have trapped hairs, try this trick: Wet an old, clean toothbrush and dip it in baking soda or body scrub. Gently exfoliate the area once a day for several days, and it should work itself right out. ¥ Bar soaps are much more concentrated and eco-friendly than liquid body washes. These days, they are just as moisturizing as any liquid soap. Look for ingredients like “shea butter” or the words “ultra-moisturizing” and “added emollients.” Send your tips to Now Here’s a Tip, c/o King Features Weekly Service, P.O. Box 536475, Orlando, FL 32853-6475 or e-mail JoAnn at heresatip@yahoo.com. (c) 2012 King Features Synd., Inc.

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Partner with us and help us change the world, One Home at a Time! We are looking for people who are health/ nutrition oriented, positive, fun, and have a heart for helping others. If you are looking for the flexibility of working from home, PT or FT, a way to bring in a little extra money, or a lot of extra money, we may be looking for you! Call Heather for more details @ #303.753.2665 or heather@jpeducators.com MACH II 5” GUTTER MACHINE MOUNTED ON TRAILER AND READY FOR BUSINESS INCLUDES 2 TURNSTILE REEL STANDS 2 REELS AND SHEAR SUPPLIES FULL INVESTMENT WAS $16K WILL SACRIFICE FOR $12K OR BEST OFFER 719-947-3278 AUTO MO BI L E S

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