EAST LONDON
LAERSKOOL & HOËRSKOOL
NEWS
AUGUST 2014
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By Joanne Barker
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AWSUM News
Your child isn’t a little kid anymore. He or she is a teen, or a tween – and it’s time to tweak your parenting skills to keep up with them. Yes, they’re probably moodier now than when they were young. And you have new things to think about, like curfews, dating, new drivers, and friends who make you raise your eyebrows. No doubt about it: Your teen, or tween, will test your limits, and your patience. But they’re still your child. And, though they won’t admit it, they still need you … The key is knowing what efforts are worth it, and which ones backfire. 1. EXPECTING THE WORST Teenagers get a bad rap. Many parents approach raising teenagers as an ordeal, believing they can only watch helplessly as their lovable children transform into unpredictable monsters. But that sets you – and your teen – up for several unhappy, unsatisfying years together. The message we give teenagers is that they’re only ‘good’ if they’re not doing ‘bad’ things – such as doing drugs, hanging around with the wrong crowd, or having sex. Instead focus on your child’s interests and hobbies, even if you don’t understand them. You could open a new path of communication, reconnect with the child you love, and learn something new. 2. READING TOO MANY PARENTING BOOKS Rather than trusting their instincts, many parents turn to outside experts for advice on how to raise teens. Parents can tie themselves into knots trying to follow the advice they read in books. It’s not that parenting books are bad. But rather use books to get perspective on confusing behavior, and then put the book down and trust that you’ve learned what you need to learn. Get clear about what matters most to you and your family. 3. SWEATING THE SMALL STUFF Maybe you don’t like your tween daughter’s haircut or choice of clothes. Or perhaps she didn’t get the part in the play you know she deserves. But before you step in, look at the big picture. Challenge yourself to step back and let your child know you’re there for them.
4. IGNORING THE BIG STUFF If you suspect your child is using alcohol or drugs, do not look the other way. Even if it’s “just” alcohol – or even if it reminds you of your own youth – you must take action now, before it becomes a bigger problem. Watch for unexplained changes in your teen’s behavior, appearance, academic performance, and friends. And remember, it’s not just illicit drugs that are abused now – prescription drugs and even cough medicines and household products are also in the mix. Take these signs seriously and get involved. Safeguard all the medicines you have. Know which products are in your home and how much medication is in each package or bottle. 5. TOO MUCH – OR TOO LITTLE – DISCIPLINE Some parents, sensing a loss of control over their teens’ behavior, crack down every time their child steps out of line. Others avoid all conflict for fear their teens will push them away. You don’t have to do either of those things. It’s about finding a balance between obedience and freedom. As their parent, it’s up to you to set your family’s core values and communicate them through your words and actions. That’s being an authoritative parent, an approach that helps children develop the skills they need to govern themselves in appropriate ways. Remember, your influence runs deeper than you may think. Most teens say they want to spend more time with their parents. Keep making time for your child throughout the tween and teen years. Even when it doesn’t show, you provide the solid ground they know they can always come home to.