What Matters Most in the Twilight of Life: By John P. Weiss

FEATURED COLUMNIST What Matters Most in the Twilight of Life

By John P. Weiss

Editor’s Note: Patricia Weiss, mother of retired Scotts Valley police chief John P. Weiss, passed away in January. He is thankful he was with her, able to hold her hands, and tell her how much she was loved. Here is what he wrote two days before she passed.

•••

It snowed early this morning, but the dogs insisted on a walk anyway. We made the usual rounds in the neighborhood, sidestepping puddles and ice.

Sunshine glinting off pockets of snow peppered the distant mountains. Dark Patricia Weiss and light grey clouds Barbizon model hovered overhead. There was a chilly but invigorating breeze.

The scenery was peaceful, but my heart was troubled. I was thinking of my 87-year-old mother, fighting “the last good fight of her life.” I modified that line from a poem that appears in the Liam Neeson movie, “The Grey.” “Once more into the fray… Into the last good fight I’ll ever know. Live and die on this day… Live and die on this day…” — The Grey

One of the hospice nurses recently told me how much she admired my mother and her fighting spirit. Despite the ravages of advanced Parkinson’s disease, a nasty bout with pneumonia, and other bodily indignities, Mom is still with us.

I have no illusions about the landscape ahead. Mom’s decline is accelerating. Time is growing thin, which is why the serene morning breeze and snowcapped mountains would have to wait.

All That We Love Deeply

I brought the dogs home, grabbed my car keys, and drove to my mother’s cozy apartment on the third floor of the assisted living center. Because she is in hospice, I am allowed to visit her despite the COVID restrictions.

Once cocooned in personal protective equipment, I took the elevator to the third floor and knocked on the entrance door. One of my Mom’s amazing caretakers opened the door.

“What we have once enjoyed deeply we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us.” -Helen Keller

The last time I visited my Mom, her eyes were closed and she was somewhat comatose. “You’re in luck,” the caretaker told me, “Your Mom is awake and her eyes are open today.”

Our bodies may betray us with age, but our eyes forever shine with the spirit of our souls. As I pulled up a chair and gazed into my mother’s eyes, I could tell her spirit was tired, but still present.

How Lucky I Am

Mom was unable to talk but could blink in response to my comments. I had arranged a phone call from my sister-in-law, who used to help care for my mother in the past.

When the call came through, I could see my mother’s eyes light up. To hear the voice of someone special, in the twilight of our lives, means everything.

After the phone call, I reminisced for a while. I spoke of the early years, and the special things Mom did. Driving me to tennis tournaments. Bringing me an apple fritter after school. So many special memories.

Then I held her hand, and put my other hand on her forehead. “If you’re tired, Mom, sleep. Thanks to you, everyone is doing great. We’re all fine. What a blessed life we have,” I said softly.

“How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.” -Winnie The Pooh

I noticed her breathing become a bit more rhythmic. Her eyelids were a little heavy. She seemed relaxed.

It occurred to me that the two greatest gifts you can give a person are love and comfort. It felt good knowing that my presence and soothing words brought my mother love and comfort.

“Everyone here tells me how much they admire you. Your upbeat personality. Your wonderful spirit. I told them I agree,” I said to my mother. She closed her eyes. She was falling asleep.

Patricia Weiss later in life.

What Is Excellent In Others

Outside, the clouds parted slightly, and the sun was streaming through the windows of Mom’s apartment. Everything was peaceful and still. It was a little magical.

“You rest now, Mom. You just take it easy. You’ve earned it. Everyone is fine. Rest, and enjoy your dreams. I’ll always be with you.” It was the last thing I said before leaving.

Outside, I thanked one of my Mom’s favorite caretakers. I told her how much I appreciated all she does for my mother. “My grandmother died when I was young,” the caretaker told me, adding, “Your Mom feels like a grandmother to me.”

“Appreciation is a wonderful thing: It makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well.”

— Voltaire

“I know this is hard for you, too,” I said. “You see her more than I do. You have taken such wonderful care of her. Thank you.” She smiled back at me, and I entered the elevator.

Beneath The Skies

I took off all my protective gear outside the lobby. The weather had changed and the clouds were darker now. The sun disappeared.

I got in my car, started to exit the parking lot, and gazed back at the assisted living center. I wondered if I would see my mother again.

“What is that feeling when you’re driving away from people and they recede on the plain till you see their specks dispersing? It’s the too-huge world vaulting us, and it’s good-bye. But we lean forward to the next crazy venture beneath the skies.” — Jack Kerouac, On the Road

Driving away, the assisted living center grew smaller in my rear-view mirror. Despite the dark clouds, I didn’t feel sad.

I felt lucky to have had such a special visit and blessed to have such a loving mother. And I knew that, whatever happens, Mom will always be with me. In this world and the next.

Whatever the “next crazy venture beneath the skies,” I have known the love of an amazing mother, and was able to bring her love and comfort in the twilight of her life. And that will stay with me forever. n •••

John P. Weiss is a retired Scotts Valley police chief who writes and draws at johnpweiss.com.

“Fondue” from page 17 so you want to have all the treats and skewers (if using) ready!

For the fondue, combine the chocolate, 1/2 cup milk or cream, and butter* and melt gently in a barely simmering water bath or microwave on Medium for about 2 minutes. Stir until completely smooth.

Add more milk if desired. Remove from the heat and stir in the vanilla and salt.

Serve immediately.

If the fondue gets too thick (or starts to harden), reheat in the microwave in bursts of 15 seconds stirring in between each burst for 10 seconds until melted and smooth again.

SANTA CRUZ BEACH BOARDWALK DRIVE-IN MOVIES SCHEDULE Saturdays February Sing — Feb. 6, 6:30 p.m. Frozen II — Feb. 13, 6:30 p.m. The Greatest Showman — Feb. 27, 6:30 p.m. March Croods: A New Age — Mar. 6, 6:30 p.m. Wreck-It Ralph — Mar. 13, 6:30 p.m. X-Men (2000) — Mar. 20, 8 p.m. Austin Powers: Int’l Man of Mystery — Mar. 27, 8 p.m. Cost $35 per vehicle. Visit https://beachboardwalk.com/Drive-In-Movies for details and restrictions

SECOND HARVEST FOOD DISTRIBUTION Fridays, 9 a.m.-1 p.m. Second Harvest Food Bank drive-through food distribution schedule into March:

Watsonville: Santa Cruz County Fairgrounds

Feb. 5 • Feb. 19 • March 5 • March 19 •••

Santa Cruz: Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk

Feb. 12 • Feb. 26 Food hotline: 831-662-0991.

YOUNGER LAGOON RESERVE VIRTUAL TOURS Younger Lagoon Reserve, which is part of UC in Santa Cruz, is now offering a virtual tour in both English and Spanish.

Have a virtual or live event you want to promote? Send your information to info@cyber-times.com by Feb. 8

This virtual tour follows the same stops as our behind-thescenes hiking tour, and is led by a UC Santa Cruz student.

Visit https://ucanr.maps.arcgis.com/apps/MapTour/ index.html?appid=7bf4b74490c444068a326c4c 89a9a560 or https://ucanr.maps.arcgis.com/apps/ MapTour/index.html?appid=9e4aa7556bc24951a855cc3 bd4f6c473 (https://tinyurl.com/lagoon-reserve-virtual-tours) https://youngerlagoonreserve.ucsc.edu

NEW GROUPS STARTING FOR SURVIVORS OF CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE Survivors Healing Center, a welcoming place for survivors of child sexual abuse and their supporters, is forming new eight-week support groups for survivors of childhood sexual abuse.

There will be online groups in English and Spanish for men, women, mothers of survivors, partners of survivors, young adults and teens.

You are not alone. You are not to blame. Services are offered on a sliding fee scale. For more information: call (831) 423-7601, visit survivors healingcenter.org or email shc.program@fsa-cc.org.

SHOW US YOUR FOOD Watsonville Coast Produce, Inc. is launching a restaurant social media promotion called “Show Us Your Food” to support the industry.

You post pictures of your takeout meals from your favorite local restaurant in the Central Coast and Bay Area and post on Instagram @watsonvillecoastproduce with hashtag #showusyourfood for a chance to win a $50 gift certificate to that restaurant.

Jacquie Roque of Skin Care By Jacquie is the first winner of a $50 gift certificate to Five Mile Buzz House The promotion runs eight weeks, with the first giveaway Wednesday, Jan. 6. Good luck!

ONGOING EVENTS

First and Third Sunday MAKERS’ MARKET First Sunday: 11 a.m.-4 p.m., 2801 Mission St., Santa Cruz Third Sunday: 10 a.m.-5 p.m., Pacific Ave., Santa Cruz (Between Cathcart & Lincoln) Santa Cruz Mountains Makers Market is returning! The market is held every first Sunday outside the Wrigley Building and every third Sunday on Pacific Avenue (Downtown Santa Cruz). The Wrigley market features vintage and handmade art, food and drink. The Downtown market features over 30 local artists and makers.

There is no charge to attend the market. The Wrigley Market will open the following week if delayed for rain, weather permitting. Visit http://scmmakersmarket.com for more information.

Wednesday February 3

ADVANCE DIRECTIVE WEBINAR Noon to 1 p.m., Hospice of Santa Cruz Online Seminar Hospice of Santa Cruz County will host a free Advance Directive Webinar Wednesday, Feb. 3, focusing on how COVID-19 might impact your wishes, what options you and your loved ones may want to consider, how to explore your own values around healthcare at end of life, and how to navigate conversations with your loved ones about your preferences.

Community Education Coordinator Vanessa Silverstein will present the essentials of advanced directives and medical social worker Emily Lauri who will review the Physicians Order for Life Sustaining Treatment.

Advanced registration is required. To register and get dial-in information, visit: https://www.hospicesantacruz.org/event/plan-ahead/. For more information, call (831) 430-3000 or visit www.hospicesantacruz.org.

Wednesday February 3 thru Sunday March 28

450 PIECES TRI-GALLERY ART SHOW Online Gallery R. Blitzer Gallery, Curated by the Sea, and the Radius Gallery, all in Santa Cruz, are hosting the work of 300+ artists in Arts Council Santa Cruz County’s Visual Arts Network. Capitola artist Wendy Ballen is one of the participating artists at R Blitzer Gallery. 1000 Squirrels Project • Wendy Ballen Info: infor@curatedbythesea.com or call1 (408) 250-2224