FEATURED COLUMNIST
How Soulmates & Love at First Sight Let Us Down by John P. Weiss
W
hat if Francesca left her family and ran off with Robert Kincaid? I asked myself that question years ago after watching “The Bridges of Madison County,” a film set in the mid1960s about a middle-aged Italian war bride and farm wife, Francesca, who falls in love with a worldly National Geographic photographer, Robert Kincaid. The movie was based on the bestselling novel by Robert James. In the story, Francesca and Robert share a passionate four-day affair while her husband and children are out of town at the state fair. Robert wants Francesca to run off with him. She packs her bags but eventually decides to stay with her devoted husband and children. Duty and responsibility over adventure and passion. If Francesca had run off with Robert, I surmised, the fairy tale would eventually
10 / August 2022 / Scotts Valley Times www.tpgonlinedaily.com
Meryl Streep and Clint Eastwood • The Bridges of Madison County
rupture. Her guilt would hover over them, like a persistent ghost. And sooner or later, they’d discover one another’s shortcomings and annoying habits. The problem with Harlequin novels and Hollywood love stories is that they often perpetuate the false promise of soulmates and love at first sight.
We want to believe the fairy tale, but when we emulate it in real life, the endings are frequently a letdown. Is Our Friendship Deepening? hat many people view as love at first sight is usually nothing more than intense physical attraction or an idealized infatuation. During the bloom of youth, when hormones and dreams run high, physical attraction and the novelty of love tend to carry us away. Even later in life, we can fall prey to looks and charm over substance and character. In my law enforcement career, I witnessed many marriages destroyed over impulsive flings and momentary infatuations. Husbands and wives, several years past the luster of their honeymoons, sometimes feel a bit disappointed. He has a beer gut now. She is wrestling with menopause. There’s a mortgage to pay off. This isn’t what happily ever after is supposed to look like. Is it? “Every fairy tale, it seems, concludes with the bland phrase ‘happily ever after.’ Yet every couple I have ever known would agree that nothing about marriage is forever happy. There are moments of bliss, to be sure, and lengthy spans of satisfied companionship. Yet these come at no small effort, and the girl who reads such fiction dreaming her troubles will end ere she departs the altar is well advised to seek at once a rational woman to set her straight.”Catherine Gilbert Murdock, Princess Ben Healthy relationships require attention, sacrifice, and effort. Especially after the flames of passion cool, and novelty gives way to the quotidian rhythms of domestic life.
W
“Weiss” page 15
