orizons ENLIGHTEN t ENRICH t ENGAGE
Issue Nine
Advanced Technologies Open New Vistas For Active Senior Living by Tom Mann, cofounder of Mature Market Experts
I Residents at The Heritage of Green Hills enjoy a game of volleyball in their indoor pool. Continuing care retirement communities often offer amenities that make it easy to stay active all year round.
by Greg Hadley am writing this with a bias. My wife and I moved into a continuing care retirement community (CCRC) two years ago when we were in our early 70s. Since selling our home and going through the downsizing required, we have had many conversations with friends and relatives who still live independently in their own homes and apartments. Frankly, a large portion of these people think we were foolish to move. Their arguments come at us from many Good jobs for directions.
I
Inside
Views of Senate candidates ........ 2
The Doctor Is In Everyone’s touting omega 3 oils. Dr. Newman has the facts. . ... 3
Crossword Puzzle ................ 4 Upcoming Events ................ 5 Sudoku . ............. 5 The Other Grandparent How to help when your daughter’s at odds with her mother-inlaw . ................ 6
Discover The Heritage Full-Service Retirement Living................ 8
• “Aren’t you giving up a lot of privacy?” • “Where you live, death is just around every corner.” • “I don’t want to interact with my neighbors every day.”
The American Association for Homes and Services for the Aging recently featured this article about moving into a retirement community.
• “I can count on my kids to help me out when that may be required.”
• “You two are both so young and healthy!”
• “You’re going to cut yourself off from all your old friends and neighbors.”
• “Why would you want to live with a bunch of old people on canes, walkers and scooters?”
• “Eating institutional food every day—I would hate that.” And then the last, and most dismissive, comment always is:
• “What did you do with all the lovely things you had in your home?”
• “Well, it might be a good idea for you; perhaps we will start to give it some thought in the next few years.” A classic definition of old age: “Ten years older than you are today.” Sometime between retirement from daily working for a living and the onset of chronic illnesses
• “You’ve given up your shop in the garage, your garden and so much freedom.”
SEE “DECISION” ON P. 2
SEE “NEW AGING” ON P. 6
Heritage Awards Honor Area Heroes
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very year, The Heritage of Green Hills recognizes the outstanding contributions that individuals and organizations have made to the lives of seniors in central Pennsylvania. Honorees this year incude: Lifetime Achievement Award: Dr. Cedric Jimerson Dr. Cedric Jimerson is a man who values other people. “I think that volunteering is so important,” he says. “And that anyone that cares about people should be willing to help out and give.” It’s an attitude which has helped make him one of The Heritage of Green Hills’ most popular residents. It’s an attitude which has also helped earn him The Heritage Lifetime Achievement Award for his decades of volunteer work. He spent 37 years caring for the SEE “AWARD WINNERS” ON P. 7
Heritage resident and Lifetime Achievement Award Winner Dr. Cedric Jimerson. (Photo courtesy of resident Bob Rasbridge.)
The Heritage of Green Hills 200 Tranquility Lane Reading, PA 19607
America?
• “Geez — it costs so much money; how can you afford to live there?”
n the previous issue of Horizons, I talked about how a wide array of scientific advances in many different fields are converging to change the landscape of retirement. These advances may extend the vitality of our senior years far beyond what was previously thought possible. I focused on just one very small slice of today’s technology — smart phones — to show how the changes to this one device are having a radical impact on how we practice medicine and live our lives. The Future Has Arrived But the new technologies we are talking about go way beyond your smart phone. Scientists have recently created an organic transistor that mimics a brain synapse. This organic transistor exhibits the main behavior of a biological spiking synapse and can lead to a new generation of neuro-inspired computers, capable of responding in a manner similar to the nervous system … which in turn could lead us to logical computers.
Horizons
Page 2
September 2010
Decision To Move Not Easy, But Well Worth It, Says Resident munity living while you that often occur in old age, most are still a couple. people develop a serious “blind • Do it while you are still spot.” They say to themselves: My able to deal with this spouse and I are getting along pretty major life change physiwell. Sure, we have some aches cally, emotionally and and pains, but most people do in mentally. their late 60s or early 70s. We have We can regale you with planned our retirement income so story after story about that we can lead a comfortable life people who did not heed style. We are still enjoying travel. our mantra. Women have Our home is comfortable and a per- told us about trying to fect place to display all the wonder- convince their husbands to ful things we have accumulated in move to a retirement comour lives. We enjoy the freedom and munity—with no success. opportunities for fun and relaxation Then, after the man died, that are presented to us. Yes, things the woman was forced to are pretty good and we expect them complete the move on her to continue that way for the foresee- own. Believe me, it is a able future. In other words, why much tougher move made should we change now when things alone. are going so well? Disregarding the secPreparing For Changes ond part of the mantra is Climate-controlled walkways link residences with the indoor pool at The Heritage of This is not only a false premeven more evident. People Green Hills. The ability to easily and comfortably get around in all types of weather is ise but a dangerous one, too. Time wait, procrastinate and one feature which has made continuing care retirement communities so popular. drones on inexorably. We may be dawdle until there is really drifting along on a tranquil river of no alternative left except and frail. The children see that find new, appropriate care facilities life, but someplace ahead of us we Mom and Dad are struggling with as the health of the parents quickly leaving their home and moving to are almost sure to encounter white diminishes. This type of situation a place that provides required care. the daily chores of life, perhaps water rapids or even a waterfall. starting to have obvious memory may create serious financial burWe have many examples of folks No matter how much we may deny who were absolutely overwhelmed problems and no longer able to dens, inordinate guilt and a terrible this fact, it is true that nothing stays just by the thought of organizing a handle all that is required to live in sense of frustration as the children the same. While we are healthy their home independently. This is try to give their parents a reasonmove out of their home. Not only and vigorboth a sad and troubling moment able and dignified quality of life in do they now ous today, it for the kids. The children begin the a downward spiraling environment. lack the skills Sometime after retirement cannot stay In different circumstances, the to plan such an painful discussion about what to do. that way Finally, what I characterize as children may recognize an impendfrom daily working, most event but they forever. All “The Telephone Call” takes place. ing need for their parents to get bear people develop a serious cannot of us know The children get on a conference resituated while time and general the thought of this intel“blind spot.” They say to leaving their call together and attempt to answer health are still present. This is usulectually the question: “What are we going ally better than the first situation but and themselves, “Why should we “stuff” but we are to do with Mom and Dad? They some parents may complain that, downsizing. reluctant change now when things are In this case, can’t possibly live by themselves “I’m living here in this retirement to accept it community because my kids forced the move often in their house any longer.” It may going so well?” emotionbe too late to consider independent me into it.” This may still result in becomes a ally. Accepliving in a retirement community. problems but they can eventually be major probtance of The physical and medical needs dealt with by everyone. lem for their this truism forces us to face our children and grandchildren. There is of the parent(s) may already be so Selling Your House mortality. It also forces a review of seldom a satisfactory outcome when great that a different level of care is There is no denying that makalternative future courses of action, new living arrangements become a required. A key window of opporing a move into a retirement some of which may be difficult or tunity has been missed. Often this requirement instead of a choice. community—under the best of unpleasant. results in anxiety while the children circumstances—is difficult and When Children Step In I told you I speak with a bias. move the parents from one facility often traumatic. Most people will Let’s discuss the role children Since making our decision about to another as the care needs rapidly sell their home before moving in. often play in this process. They our future (we obviously believe increase. That in itself can be a very difficult sometimes have a “blind spot,” we made the correct call) we have We have seen this happen in our and trying proposition. What is too. They think of their parents as a two-part mantra that we earnestly getting older but never being old. own extended family. The kids may the current state of the real estate impress on our friends: be required to expend inordinate market? Is the timing of the sale Then, one day, they look up and amounts of time and effort trying to • Make the move to retirement com- discover that their parents are old SEE “THE BIG MOVE” ON P. 3 FROM “DECISION” ON P. 1
What should America do to help foster the creation of good paying jobs? Congressman Joe Sestak Democrat Small businesses will be the engine of our economic recovery. … We need to make sure they have the resources and the confidence to grow us out of this recession. As Vice Chairman of the House Small Business Committee, I’ve proposed a 15 percent payroll tax credit for small businesses that hire new workers. This is projected to create as many as five million jobs in just two years, and will go a long way towards restoring the foundation of our economic prosperity. We also need renewed private investment, to ensure small businesses have access to capital. That’s why I’ve introduced measures to expand lending programs and tax credits to incentivize investment for startups. What we can’t afford is a return to the pro-Wall Street, pro-deficit policies my opponent supported, which caused this economic crisis. Congressman Toomey wants to end Social Security and risk our seniors’ retirement on Wall Street, while adding $700 billion to the debt with unpaid-for tax breaks for the ultra rich. He wants to burden the middle class with a 30 percent tax on food, clothing, doctor visits and other purchases. I’m committed to fighting for Pennsylvania’s working families, and seeking practical solutions to the challenges we face. From a statement Congressman Sestak released August, 2010.
Congressman Pat Toomey Republican [W]hen it comes to the federal government’s job-creation efforts, the first principle ought to be “Do no harm.” … Instead of encouraging jobs, the specter of unaffordable new regulations, huge new tax increases, and a ballooning debt makes business owners and investors extremely reluctant to expand their business, take on additional workers or start new ventures. … First, Congress should rescind the unspent money from the socalled stimulus bill and the Wall Street bailout program and use that money to cut the payroll tax for employees and employers. … Next, we must define a binding exit strategy for the serial bailouts that have been authorized during the last year and a half. … Congress should cut the tax on capital gains to encourage businesses to grow. President Clinton clearly recognized the value of this tax cut when he signed it into law in 1997. … Finally, Congress can encourage businesses to expand by allowing companies to expense capital purchases equipment. … There are many sectors and industries in Pennsylvania that are poised for growth if we let them. … But government must make sure it doesn’t stand in the way, which is what it is doing today Excerpted from an op-ed piece Congressman Toomey wrote March, 2010.
Horizons
September 2010
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y now, there’s a good chance that you’ve heard about the many wonderful things that omega 3 fatty acids can do for your health. These fatty acids — which are most readily found in fish oils — can help your eyes, your brain, and reduce your risk of developing heart disease or diabetes, reports say. So, finally some good health news! Everyone should chow down on more fish … right? Well, there do indeed appear to be a lot of health benefits to consuming more omega 3, but the reality is a bit more complicated than you might realize if you just read the headlines. For example, one study suggests that certain heart disease patients (those with angina, or with implantable cardiovertor defibrillators whose qualifying arrhythmia was ventricular tachycardia) actually do worse when they consumed more fish oils. Omega 3 supplements may produce complications if you are also taking certain medications. Studies haven’t always shown omega 3 to have positive results; investigations looking into its impact on some parts of the body have produced mixed results, with some studies showing benefits while others show no benefit. Also, some inferences about omega 3 have been drawn from the fact that people living on the so-called Mediterranean diet — which happens to be richer in omega 3 than the typical American diet — are healthier. It’s not always certain that it’s the omega 3 that’s making the difference here and not some other difference between the two diets or the groups of people living on them. Omega 6 To Omega 3 Ratio Finally, some studies indicate that the ratio of omega 3 fatty acids to the very similar omega 6 fatty acids is important. Both kinds of fatty acids are essential, but your body doesn’t distinguish between them when it metabolizes them even though their impacts are a bit different. The typical American diet has a lot more omega 6
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Dr. Roland Newman II, D.O.
Should You Believe All The Hype About Omega 3 Oils?
than omega 3 — sometimes as much as 30 times An excellent summary of information about more — while there are indications that the opti- omega 3 can be found at the University of Marymum ratio is to consume roughly equal amounts land Medical Center’s website in the article, of both. However, not all studies have found this “Omega-3 fatty acids” (http://www.umm.edu/ ratio to be significant. altmed/articles/omega-3In other words, more 000316.htm) isn’t always better for If you’re a typical person everyone. What’s best for Dr. Newman and his and don’t have some you? associates at Green Hills There’s no shortcut specific medical conditions, Family Medicine hold reguhere; you should check lar hours at The Heritage’s it’s likely that adding with your doctor to be sure on-site medical center. that adding omega 3 to omega 3 could, indeed, your diet will be beneficial Other sources used for this have some significant for you. But even with article include: all the caveats I mention health benefits for you. “Fish oil could worsen your above, I do recommend angina or ventricular tachythat you take the time to cardia heart arrhythmias,” talk about this with your physician. If you’re Examiner.com (Sacramento), 1/25/2010, a typical person and don’t have some specific http://www.examiner.com/nutrition-in-sacramedical conditions, it’s likely that adding omega mento/fish-oil-could-worsen-your-angina-or3 could, indeed, have some significant health ventricular-tachycardia-heart-arrhythmias benefits for you. Assuming you’ve determined this is the right “Mediterranean Diet May Boost Eye Health,” WebMD, 5/11/2010, http:// way to go, what’s the best way to add omega 3 to www.webmd.com/eye-health/macyour diet? ular-degeneration/news/20090511/ Well, the most straightforward way is to mediterranean-diet-may-boost-eye-health eat less meat and more fish. You don’t want to go overboard here, though, because larger “Fish Oil Improves Metabolic Syndrome,” fish do tend to accumulate heavy metals, WebMD, 8/18/2010, http://www.webmd.com/ which are toxic. Mercury in particular may heart/metabolic-syndrome/news/20100818/ be an even more significant health problem fish-oil-improves-metabolic-syndrome than people realize. You can minimize this “The importance of the ratio of omega-6/ by eating certain smaller varieties of fish omega-3 essential fatty acids,” AP Simoor using omega 3 supplements that certify poulos, Biomed Pharmacother, Octothat they don’t have mercury or pesticide ber 2002, http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/ residues. Fish oils can have gastrointestinal pubmed/12442909 effects like gas; time release supplements are The restaurants at The Heritage of Green Hills always less likely to cause these problems. include heart-healthy options for their meals.
Once Move Is Made, Pleasant Discoveries Await New Community Resident FROM “THE BIG MOVE” ON P. 2
beneficial to the seller? Preparing the house for sale often requires “sprucing up,” painting and taking care of long deferred repairs. There is tension associated with keeping a house ready for inspection every day by potential buyers. Then come the final negotiations that can be maddening and extended. After the sale is completed the action of getting all your goods out of the house is a major project. No matter how hard you work at it, there always seems to be one more closet, drawer or cupboard to empty. All the while, you are trying to decide what to take with you to your new retirement home. Does this fit? Will I need that? Do my kids want any of my possessions? (Usually not). What will I do with these heirloom pieces of china or crystal? You may be moving from a large home with three to four bedrooms, a living room, dining room, family room, kitchen and garage to a unit with 800 square feet and one bedroom. You may conduct an estate or garage sale to help dispose of
Many retirement communtieis have staff specifically trained to help new residents deal with the many tasks involved in relocating. Move-in Coordinator Stacey Westley has provided invaluable assistance to The Hertage’s many residents during their move.
excess belongings. Getting ready for such sales is very hard work indeed. Finally, it is off in a borrowed truck to take the left over stuff to Goodwill or St. Vincent de Paul. The final escrow closing day arrives and you leave your empty house for the last time and move to your new retirement home. Don’t forget — you’re probably doing this in your 70s or 80s. The last several months of home selling and preparation for the move have left you exhausted to the bone. And, as I said above, this scenario often represents the best of circumstances. Taking Stock Of Your New Home The next morning, you survey your new surroundings. There are boxes everywhere. You don’t know how to operate the thermostat to control the heat or cooling. You have to organize things like getting a phone system in place, figure out how to gain entrance to all the buildings and rooms with your key systems, finding out when meals are served…and where. Where do I get my mail? Who do I call if I need help with something? How
am I ever expected to remember the names of all the new people I am meeting? In these circumstances, you would not be the first to feel a sense of panic, doom and utter discouragement. Hopefully, there will be some cheerful neighbors who will offer a hand, fill you in on all the “ins and outs” of the place and take you to dinner while introducing you to others who are also new. I don’t want to sound like Pollyanna but you will get through this rough patch. From observation, most new move-ins finally “come up for air” in about 60-90 days. Jokingly, we refer to the three phases of moving in: (1) physically getting all your stuff into the apartment; (2) finally getting all the boxes empty and things put away; (3) trying to remember what you brought with you and where you put it. No matter how tough things seem at the beginning, it does get better and you will begin to really enjoy your new home and surroundings. If you’re like most, you SEE “YOUR ANSWERS” ON P. 7
Horizons
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Have You Visited The Heritage At Green Hills Yet?
If you haven’t, you owe it to yourself to stop by and see the beautiful apartments and villas at the area’s premier active 55 retirement community. You’ll enjoy envisioning the many floor layout possibilities that await you at The Heritage as you stroll through our gorgeous model apartments, tastefully appointed with furnishings from David’s Furniture. Fall is an excellent time to appreciate The Heritage’s lovely wooded campus. Call Laura Zartman at 484-269-5090 today for a personal appointment with one of our retirement specialists.
September 2010
The Heritage of Green Hills Sales Office Hours Monday through Friday 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. Saturday 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. Sunday 11 a.m. to 2 p.m.
Appointments Recommended.
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25 It. marble 29 Tilled land 32 Common man 33 Siesta 35 Adjectiveforming (suf.) 36 Agave fiber 38 Daw 40 Soft mineral 42 Guido’s note (2 words) 43 Noun-forming (suf.) 45 Yarn 47 Hawaiian frigate bird 50 House (Sp.) 52 Ern (2 words)
mountain 7 Picque 8 Amazon 54 Monad tributary 55 Feline 9 N.A. tree 56 South African 10 Wading bird 57 Senior (Fr.) 11 Carbon (pref.) 58 Donkey (Fr.) 16 Objective 59 Salver 20 Stowe character 22 Old Sp. gold coin DOWN 24 Heath evergreen 1 “Venerable” 25 Consumer price monk index (abbr.) 2 Settled 26 They (Fr.) 3 “Casablanca” 27 Peccadillo (2 characters words) 4 Nat’l Endowment 28 Horse for the Arts 30 Arabic letter (abbr.) 31 Cheer 5 Steal 6 Buddhist sacred 34 Bishop
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Answers on page 7
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Horizons
September 2010
Upcoming Events
Resident Art & Craft Here are some highlights Show: Show 3-6 p.m., f activities residents will be njoying in the month ahead. cocktail reception 4 p.m. or more information, contact Friday, September 24 s at 484-269-5143. Resident Field Day: Water volleyball, other ON CAMPUS games, lunch, and more. Monday in the Art Studio: 10:15 a.m. Mondays at 1 p.m. eptember 13: Dried flowers ONGOING ON CAMPUS with Gene. $5 Mondays: Outdoor Games eptember 20: Creative 7 p.m. Writing Class. Free eptember 20 at 3 p.m.: Pot- Tuesdays: Bridge 1 p.m., tery with Jodi. (Note speDancing 2 p.m. cial time!) Free Wednesdays: Outdoor eptember 27: Dried flowers Games 7 p.m., LCR Dice with Gene. $5 7 p.m.
Phillies Games in Tavern: 1 hot dogs and $2 domestic eers: Sunday September 9, Saturday September 5, Sunday September 26. heck team schedule for xact times.
Monday & Wednesday Games: Outside at 7 p.m. Ladder Golf Bocce Ball Horseshoes Croquet
very Sept. Wednesday Picnic on the Patio: Great ood, drinks, and laughs with iends. 5 p.m.
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Thursdays: Spanish 2 p.m. Fridays: Wii Bowling 2 p.m. Saturdays: Bridge 1 p.m., Movies 7 p.m. Sundays: Bridge 1 p.m., Movies 7 p.m., LCR Dice 7 p.m. SUMMER CONCERT SERIES September 5: Gring’s Mill. 5:15 p.m.* September 6: New Holland. 6 p.m.* September 19: Reading Museum. (Call for time.)* * Chairs needed
OFF CAMPUS Friday, September 10 uesday, September 14 Chile Pepper Food Heritage Literary Dinner Festival: All kinds of Club: Olive Kitteridge, peppers, field excursions, lizabeth Strout. Dinner at music. 9 a.m. p.m., discussion at 6 p.m. Saturday, September 11 hursday, September 17 Organic Apple Festival: Heritage Awards Keynote Pick your own, tours, food, peaker Kay Van Norman: and music.10 a.m. Kay shares her insights on Sunday, September 12 brilliant aging”. 10 a.m. Hay Creek Festival: uesday, September 21 Early American crafts, Health Series: 11 a.m. mechanical exhibits, Civil Harpist in Tavern: 1 p.m. War encampment, antiques. Wednesday, September 22 12 p.m. Centre Park Historic Super Noggin Workshop: Disctrict Arts Fair: Artists, Kick off session. 3 p.m. Craftsmen and Antique hursday, September 23 Dealers set up amidst Waddell & Reed towering trees and Victorian resentation: “Journey to Homes. 1:30 p.m. inancial Security”. 2 p.m.
Wednesday, September 15 Wright’s Ferry Mansion: PA English Quaker house built in 1738 with a superlative collection of furniture, ceramics, needlework, glass and metals all made prior to 1750. $3, 10 a.m. Wednesday, September 11 King’s Herb Nook: Learn all about medicinal herbs. $12, 9:30 a.m. Thursday, September 16 Heritage Senior Awards: Cocktails 6 p.m., dinner 6:45 p.m., awards 7:45 p.m. $50. Friday, September 17 Victory Brewing Company: Located in Downingtown No sandals Please. 2:30 p.m. Saturday, September 18 Hopewell Harvest Time: Enjoy the excitement of the fall harvest atmosphere. Historic gossip, apples, apple butter and fun. 10 a.m. Fall Festival on the Avenue: live music, shopping, sidewalk sales and a beer garden all along Penn Avenue in West Reading.3 p.m. Sunday, September 19 Lyons Fiddle Fest: Continuous entertainment: Bluegrass, Country, Irish, Cajun & old time fiddling music. Homemade food and soups. Take your lawn chairs and spend the day. $2 1 p.m. Saturday, September 25 RotorFest: The All Helicopter Show at the American Helicopter Museum. Rides, tours, food, fun and more. $10, 10 a.m. Wednesday, September 29 Hawk Mountain: Watch the amazing hawk migration. Interns help spot and identify the birds at watch sites. Pack a lunch and enjoy the scenic view. $4, 9 a.m.
Heritage Well by Design Director Cheryl Anderson (right) is so busy trying to keep up with residents that sometimes she has to bring in reinforcements! Her daugher Jordan recently helped out with a patio party. “I have one of the best jobs in the world,” says Cheryl, who organizes the many activities you see listed here every month. “I love pulling together the many fun and fascinating activities our community enjoys. No matter what your interests, we always have something for everyone.”
Answers on page 7
Horizons
Page 6
September 2010
GRANDparents Corner
Q:
The life of my daughter, Kelly, has become very difficult since the birth of her daughter, Rose, my granddaughter. For seven years, Kelly has catered to her overly dramatic and overly sensitive mother-in-law, and it hasn’t caused too much of a problem. But now, Kelly’s mothering abilities are being criticized and judged by the Other Grandmother. If the OG isn’t holding Rose, she makes it clear how unhappy she is by pouting. When Kelly needs to take Rose for breastfeeding, the OG says, “Oh, your mommy thinks you’re hungry, but you are really fine and love your Nana holding you, right?” She took this to a new level recently, insisting on visiting in the evening, when Rose is tired and fussy. When Rose started crying and my daughter put her to bed, the OG was furious, saying that the baby was crying because she didn’t get to hold her enough, that the baby’s “heart was broken.” Also, when Kelly asked the OG to wash her hands before touching Rose, the OG said maybe my daughter should keep Rose “in a bubble.” Then, the e-mails! “What happened to the happy baby I saw in the hospital?” My daughter had been excited to share these early childhood years with her mother-in-law, but now she has told the OG that, until she can be positive and supportive, she cannot visit their house. The OG says she has been “forbidden to see her granddaughter” and refuses to apologize. How can I help my daughter and her husband resolve this dilemma? The Other Grandmother is behaving like a child having a tantrum. Obviously, her primary interest is in meeting her own needs while projecting blame on your daughter when she doesn’t get her own way. Evidently your daughter has been able to grant her wishes in the past because she could overlook the consequences. But it’s different now that Rose’s welfare and Kelly’s self-esteem as a mother are at stake. The OG’s attempts to make Kelly feel guilty for not meeting her expectations are just plain mean. Perhaps the most frustrating aspect of the OG’s behavior is her complete inability to be distressed by her own behavior. This became clear when she was confronted her with her unreasonable behavior: Unable to see a problem, she treated the confrontation as a serious attack. This cluster of behaviors describes a Borderline Personality Disorder according to the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. People with this disorder are incredibly adept at making excuses that continue to exonerate them while making it seem as though
A:
reassurance. Because they cannot expect the OG to change, I recommend that the new parents seek counseling to help support their resolve to establish boundaries, absolve their guilt and disappointment and maintain their determination to protect their family. They may also need support to withstand criticism from others who will not fully understand their situation. Please don’t let this problem interfere with your enjoyment of little Rose! Author note: Dr. Lillian Carson is the author of THE ESSENTIAL GRANDPARENT, winner of the 1996 book, Understanding the Borderline Parent’s Choice Award, and THE Mother, “You can love the queen ESSENTIAL GRANDPARENT’S GUIDE TO without becoming her subject.” DIVORCE. In other words, rather than worryFrom the article that appeared in ing about being disloyal they must the November/December 2008 issue worry first about their own needs of GRAND Magazine as “Not So and those of their child. Grand.” Reprinted with permission I can imagine that this situaof GRAND Media, LLC, copyright tion causes you anguish. Kelly has © 2010. All rights reserved. shown strength and will need your
everyone else is the problem. It is important that your daughter and her husband recognize that the OG’s behavior is not normal. Webster defines the act of mothering as “to care for and protect.” She is unable to do either. Kelly was absolutely right to set boundaries and refuse to subject herself to the OG’s criticism and derogatory remarks. How has your son-in-law related to his mother in the past? I suspect he has a long history of experiencing these maternal dramas. Kelly must enlist his support in attempting to smooth things with her; but unfortunately this disorder is characterized by a lack of remorse, which she clearly demonstrates by her indifference to Kelly’s hurt feelings or Rose’s needs. The OG’s lack of introspection also makes her a poor subject FROM “NEW AGING” ON P. 1 tion, we’ll become more ambitious about for psychotherapy: I predict that robots — once a thing of acquiring information that can help forePeople like her are science fiction — will soon enter into main- cast possible health problems. Sequencing unwilling to look stream living, particularly for seniors. an individual’s genome will become the into themselves and Picture a computerized pet that serves as norm. In fact, WalGreens proposed offering feel justified blama companion like Paro. Paro is a robot pet the first-ever over-the-counter genetic test ing others for their companion currently being sold in Japan before the FDA put the plan on hold. The problems. that interacts with its senior companion. high end test, which tested for the widest Don’t Be Now take that companion robot a few steps variety of conditions, would have sold for Intimidated further. Imagine it vacuums the carpet (like around $250. I applaud your your Roomba), and reports back to a health These tests could potentially save our daughter’s refusal care provider when its “master” is not feel- health plans huge sums of money by makto be intimidated ing well or has fallen. ing our health care more targeted, not to and manipulated. “Mental Commitment Robots” like Paro mention having dramatic implications for She maintained her are being developed to interact with human our personal health. This breakthrough self-esteem and beings and to make them feel emotional will result in explosive growth of customdignity and used attachment. Menized drugs and natural and logical tal Commitment supplements. consequences when Robots provide psyTo give you an A particular heart drug has dealing with the chological benefits, example of how OG’s inappropriate been found to reduce death effective this type such as relaxation behavior. She and and motivation … of targeting can be, rates for people who have a her husband canphysiological, such a particular heart not sacrifice their specific genetic mutations by as improvement in drug has been lives or that of their vital signs (just like found to reduce up to 38%. daughter to her your real pets do) death rates for demands. As Dr. … and social effects people who have Christine Lawson such as instigating communication between a specific genetic mutations by up to 38%. comments in her a caregiver and a patient. Another great example is that computer By the way, if you want to see an amaz- algorithms are now analyzing the activity ing video on the Paro, just go to YouTube. of 20,000 genes to better match specific com and type in “Paro.” The Japanese are chemotherapy drugs with individual cancer light-years ahead of us in terms of acceppatients. tance of technology and a world-apart in Customized foods, drugs, supplements, terms of cultural norms. They provide a and preventive health plans will become remarkable window into the future. some of the biggest opportunities in the coming decade. Customized Care Next issue I’ll take a look at the dramatic With health care soon being universal ways new brain/computer technologies will and the elimination of the possibility of being declined due to a pre-existing condi- help us stay healthier longer.
‘Custom Made’ Drugs Target Illness Using Patient’s DNA Profile
Horizons
September 2010
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Community Resident Discovers Happy Answers To Questions From ‘Outsiders’ FROM “YOUR ANSWERS” ON P. 3
will quickly conclude that moving to this retirement community was one of the best decisions you (or your kids) ever made. The people are generally very nice, the food is good, there are abundant activities (way more than you can participate in), you feel secure and safe and you are in control of your own life. I have referred to “parents,” “Mom and Dad,” and “we” almost exclusively. This transition to retirement community living is not just for couples. We have many singles living where we do who are enjoying healthy, vibrant and interesting lives. My focus is merely that my wife and I made this decision together and moved here with each other’s help. Everything I am saying applies equally to singles. Soon it may be your turn to answer questions and objections from your friends. Here is what you might say when you are faced with these questions: “You are so young and healthy!” Yes, that’s true and we are very
grateful for that. But, you know, we might not stay healthy forever. We find it very comforting that our continuing care community allows us to migrate from our current independent living status into assisted living, skilled nursing and even a memory unit if and when we should require that in the future. We don’t ever have to move again because of these medical and care options. “Why would you want to live with a bunch of old people on canes, walkers and scooters?” We learned early on that our neighbors all had very interesting stories to tell and had led accomplished lives. Just about every new person we have met has enriched us with his or her wonderful life history. We’ve also learned that each of us ages at a much different rate. We have met a lot of very young 90-year-old people and a lot of very old folks who are 75. A person is not defined by a cane, walker or scooter. Many are very talented, intellectually stimulating and a lot of fun to be with.
Heritage resident Ethan Smith stands proudly in front of his new Corvette. A community bus is parked behind him. Full service retirement communities like The Heritage of Green Hills offer their residents the best of both worlds: the freedom to drive their own cars when they wish, and the convenience of comprehensive transportation services when they want to leave the hassles of driving and parking to someone else.
“What did you do with all the lovely things you had in your home?” We sold them or gave them away. Our children really didn’t want much of what we had except for small mementos. We thought a lot of our stuff was important but learned that it wasn’t. We didn’t want the final years of our lives to be focused on material things. We learned that hearses don’t tow U-haul trailers behind them. Our lives are not defined by what we have accumulated. We want our lives to be defined by who we are. “You’ve given up your shop in the garage, your garden and so much freedom.” That really isn’t the case at all. We have a lovely, well-equipped shop on our campus. There are several people available to help me learn how to use the equipment and guide me through projects. I’ve actually learned how to do a lot more things since moving here. As for gardens, planting areas are made available to those who enjoy growing things. It’s fun to do your gardening in a relaxed social setting where your
neighbor may be able to give you some tips that make your efforts even more successful. We actually feel freer since we no longer have to worry about the care of our own home and property. “Geez—it costs so much money; how can you afford to live there?” [EDITOR’S NOTE: Every continuing care retirement community has a different financial model. You must examine the buy-in fees, monthly charges and what they cover, plus other financial considerations. For the purpose of this monograph, the author refers to the situation at his CCRC. It is up to the reader to determine the financial model at different CCRCs.] When we sold our home, the equity was more than sufficient to cover the buy-in fee. In addition, most of the buy-in fee will be returned to our estate except in very unusual circumstances. In planning our move to this CCRC, we carefully considered what would be covered by the monthly charges and what items would be eliminated as an expense to us. For example, we no longer have to pay property tax, a gardener, home repair costs, utility bills (except for telephone), homeowner’s insurance (replaced with a low-cost renter’s policy) or arborists, or buy new appliances occasionally—the list of things we don’t have to pay for is quite long. On the other hand, lots of things are included in our monthly charges, such as 20 meals per SEE “ACTIVE LIVING” ON P. 8
Heritage Honors Selfless Contributions Of Area Volunteers FROM “AWARD WINNERS” ON P. 1
less fortunate patients of Community General Hospital in Reading, where he performed a high percentage of his surgeries for free. Ever modest, the former Chief of Surgery adds, “The real heroes are the nurses and staff of Community General Hospital. They often worked nights and overtime with no pay and pension. It was a privilege to work alongside them.” Dr. Jimerson and Dr. Louise Greenberg co-chair a group of 14 Heritage residents helping out Lauer’s Park Elementary School, working with Principal Gordon Hoodak to help collect supplies and provide other assistance to this inner city Reading school. Dr. Jimerson adds, “I have no idea who nominated me for this award but it comes as a complete shock and surprise. I certainly appreciate the recognition.” Senior of the Year: Mattie Stevens For over two decades, Mattie Stevens has worked tirelessly for the Missionary Ministry of the Zion Baptist Church, where she has worshiped for over half a century. Her dedication to service has earned her the nomination for the Heritage Senior of the Year. One of the ministry’s monthly projects is visiting
the residents of Berks Heim and bringing them homecooking and entertainment. Mattie has prepared the entire meal for many years. She has also served as cook for the Hospitality Ministry, where she has prepared hundreds of meals. She also has spiritually mentored many of the church’s young women. In addition to her work for the Missionary Ministry, Mattie volunteers with the Red Cross. Person of the Year: Walter Woolvine Walter Woolvine just recently ended his decadelong tenure on the board of directors for Berks Encore, the public service agency dedicated towards enhancing the lives of older adults in central Pennsylvania. He had served as Treasurer of the Board and Chairman of the Marketing Committee, and had played a leading role in the development of the organization’s Annual Senior Expo event. Walter’s vision played a central role in the organization’s recent success. Under his tutelage, the organization’s 5-page newsletter has grown to a 40-page tabloid, Berks Encore News. His leadership helped Berks Encore’s recent rebranding to succeed, enabling it to reach out to a wider audience than ever. As one admirer says,
“Senior Expo, Berks Encore News, branding, ongoing marketing, understanding our target audience — so many internal functions — have been greatly enhanced and improved upon because of Walt’s leadership.” Business of the Year: VIST VIST’s support for Berks Encore and the seniors of Berks County has been both extensive and long-standing, earning it Heritage Business of the Year honors. VIST supports Meals on Wheels with both funding and volunteers for meal delivery, assistance and support of fundraising events, and administrative guidance. “VIST has been one of our strongest corporate partners over the years,” says one Berks Encore staffer. “VIST has provided a great deal of ‘in A kind’ support to N the administraS tive efforts behind W the programs that E benefit seniors. … R Much of what we S accomplish on a daily basis ‘behind the scenes’ is done with the support and input of VIST.” Student of the Year: Tim Matz Tim Matz completed an Eagle
Scout project at Berks Encore’s Wernersville location, providing over 70 families with a snack basket (including fresh produce) for the holidays. He continues to help with the organization’s monthly food pantry distribution and meals on wheels during the summer, and participated in the very successful intergenerational event at SpringRose Childcare. “Tim is a very wonderful asset to Berks Encore Wernersville,” says one observer.
“He interacts very well with everyone and is very helpful! All the seniors enjoy how caring and pleasant Tim is.”
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Horizons
September 2010
Continuing Care Retirement Communities Are For Active Living FROM “ACTIVE LIVING” ON P. 7
when our last day will come. So month per person in our dining why worry about it? Live life to the rooms, maid service every two fullest as best you are able. weeks to clean our apartment, a yearly deep cleaning, all repairs and “I don’t want to interact with my maintenance to our unit, a complete neighbors every day.” Look at my comments above wellness center with up-to-date fitabout privacy. The same thing ness equipment, a swimming pool, a long list of activities, medical and applies to this comment. “I can count on my kids to help me shopping transportation, classes, entertainment, exercise programs— out when that may be required.” Of course you can; they love you that list goes on and on, too. When we netted all the financial and want what is best for you. But, is that what you want to do? Do you pluses and minuses after the first wish to burden them with caring for year in the CCRC, we determined you while, at the same time, they are that we had spent about $10,000 probably raising their own families less on daily living items than we and are at the most productive time had the last year we were in our in their careers? Do you want them house. No, we don’t think it is to sacrifice a substantial amount of expensive to live here; it’s a bartime (and, perhaps, money) divertgain. Sure, monthly fees will escaing these resources away from their late about 5% per year but that is lives and focusing on you? In some comparable to normal inflation we cases, that may be necessary and all face. often the children will step up and “Aren’t you giving up a lot of provide loving care for their aged, privacy?” frail parents. After all, the parents If you seek privacy (“I want to might say, we took care of them be left alone”), it is very easy to until they were on their own. Why find here. All of us have a cocoon shouldn’t they return the favor now called our apartment or villa. You that we need it? are not bothered by anyone in your Let’s look at this a different own living unit. If you disdain the way. When my wife and I decided social interaction that occurs in the to move into a CCRC, it was just hallways, restaurants, the wellness before Christmas. We told each of center and other gathering places, our six children that our decision that is your choice and no one will represented nag you the most about it. On the We have never felt so much a significant gift we had other hand, part of a vibrant community ever given there are to them. as we do in this place. numerous Never will opportunithey experities every ence the gut-wrenching anxiety of day to meet new people, swap life trying to figure out what to do with stories, enjoy one another’s comus. We are in a safe place now. No pany over a shared meal and glass matter what the future might bring, of wine and just celebrate life. we can receive the level of endEarly on in our stay, one veteran of-life care that we need. The kids resident said to us jokingly, “You’ll need never worry about that again. find that some of the inmates don’t Some of our children had already come out of their cells very often.” gone through tough experiences They certainly are able to mainwith in-laws. They understood— tain the privacy they desire. As for and explained to their siblings— us, the social interaction is one of what a wonderful gift this truly was. the very best things about living Don’t burden your children with in our retirement community. We your elderly care. They will be anxhave never felt so much a part of a ious and troubled enough as they vibrant community as we do in this walk with you to the end. place. “You’re going to cut yourself “Where you live, death is just off from all your old friends and around every corner.” neighbors.” For once, I agree with your Come on, that’s just nonsense. premise. Yes, all of us here are old When you moved to a new home or (whatever that means) and some town earlier in life, did you stop stayare already quite infirm. Each of ing in touch with friends and neighus has lived longer than we are bors? Of course, you may not see going to live. There are two ways of them as often but you still maintain dealing with that reality. First, we a relationship. Our CCRC was about can assume an attitude of impend10 miles from where we previously ing doom and worry day and night lived. We still see old neighbors and about when the Grim Reaper is friends and delight in entertaining coming for us. That seems to me them here in our home and our comto be a pretty negative and gloomy way to anticipate the rest of our lives. On the other hand, we can awake each morning and count our blessings for another day, for time to accomplish some little—or big—objective, to enjoy our friends, to make a contribution to our world. To be death denying seems pretty futile to me. All of us know we won’t get out of here alive. Why not savor each new day, hoping that our presence adds a small measure of happiness to someone else’s life? Each of us has no idea
You don’t have to be retired to enjoy the many advantages of living in an active 55 community like The Heritage of Green Hills. Arden Ebling still works as a pharmacist, while his wife Bonnie is a school nurse. have been the best of our lives. munity’s restaurants. You will only Not everything is perfect and we be cut off from old friends and neightry to work with the management bors if you want to be. and staff to correct things that can “Eating institutional food every cause problems. A Residents’ Counday—I would hate that.” So would we. We may be luckier cil and a number of committees than many but our restaurants offer of residents look at every aspect of how we live our lives here. We us a wide variety of well-prepared don’t run the place—there is a food served by young, attentive waiters and waitresses. Each night, management group to do that. But in our main dining room, we have a our voices are heard and often we choice of 5-6 entrees, several salads can effect changes that we think are important. and soups and luscious desserts. In We really care about our friends the more casual restaurant, there are also a variety of interesting choices. who are still living in their own homes. No, a CCRC is not for Recall I said that part of our everyone. However, everyone needs monthly fee was 20 meals per perto have a plan in place for dealing son per month. Because we have a complete kitchen in our apartment, with advanced age. While that cannot be denied, in reality, so many we often prepare several meals to people are in denial about what eat at home during the month. We might, could also take or will the opporhappen to tunity to go Live life to the fullest as best them if they to nearby as you are able. live long restaurants enough. For for an occaall the readers of this monograph sional night on the town. Somewho are in their late 60s, 70s or times all of us hunger for good old early 80s and trying to figure out comfort food—a tuna noodle cas“what’s next,” visit some CCRCs serole or spaghetti and meatballs. in your area. Ask questions. Have We make those at home and somea meal there. Take your kids along times invite neighbors to join us in so they can see the place, too. Get a our unit for dinner. No need to eat rate card. Attend one of their open institutional food everyday if you are careful about choosing the right houses. Seriously think about how this type of arrangement might facility for your tastes. work for you. Good luck! We don’t want to come across as self-righteous know-it-alls who Greg and Evie Hadley live at have all the answers to elderly living Mary’s Woods at Marylhurst, a conarrangements. Frankly, it is easy to tinuing care retirement community become “preachy” after you have lived in Lake Oswego, Oregon. in a CCRC for awhile. We do sincerely believe that the last couple of years
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