Today's Woman October 2010 by Today's Transitions

OctoBER 2010

P o w e r •

S t y l e

•

W e l l n e s s

•

C o n n e c t i o n s

I am a super woman

STOP Worrying! Goodbye, Breast Cancer!

Contents

October 2010 articles

Surprise! By Anita Oldham

On the Cover By Tiffany White

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Power I am Today’s Woman Because… By Lucy Pritchett

Omenesa Chinwe Oruma reveals her fashion ego. page 38

Biz View: Cheryl

Hart

By Cheryl Stuck

18 Things By Anita Oldham

Real Survivors: When the Worst Happened By Marie Bradby

Ten Minutes on the Couch By Kim Crum

An Arts Insider Must-See: Josh

Turner: Blue-Eyed Country Soul By Gioia Patton

Her View: If

Only It Were So!

12 14 19 28 32 36

By Cathy Zion

STYLE All That’s Expected of Us By Bob Mueller

Alter Egos By Anita Oldham and Tiffany White

Socks, Tights, and Undergarments By Wendy Anguiano

Catch Sight of the Beautiful

37 38 44

By Barbara MacDonald

WELLNESS

Breast Cancer Supplement

Monthly Muffin: Don’t

(after page 36)

By Melissa Donald

Hello, Breast Cancer,

How Do I Stop Worrying?

I don’t want to spend time with you. Please go away. Once you have been away, stay away.

By Jennifer Thompson

B re as t Ca n ce r Su p p l e m e nt O c to b e r 2010

Goodbye, Breast Cancer!

Worry Muffin

Healthy Woman: Barbara Sexton Smith By Cheryl Stuck

When You Can’t Throw Things Away By Cheryl Stuck

Breast CanCer supplement 2010 sponsored By

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CONNECTIONS CLICK HERE to Read these special online-only articles:

(At the end of our regular issue)

Interview with Paula Deen Just Ask Joyce Attend the Dress for Success Luncheon 2

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6 Things Not to Miss By Gioia Patton and Maggie Nelson

Wrigley Writes: My Pet Needs a Shrink? By Bridget K. Smith

Dating Dilemmas: Get

Along with Mom 101 By Caitlyn Gaynor

Makeover: Less

is More

By Tiffany White

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66 72

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J O I N

U S

O N

N O V E M B E R

Hosted by:

Tuesday, November 9

Reinvent Yourself Experts will present some beauty treatments to make you look better for the holidays. Host: Physicians Center for Beauty Location: 4600 Shelbyville Road Special Guests: 2010 & 2009 Makeover Candidates

DATE: Tuesday, November 9 TIME: 5:30-7:30 pm COST: $15 RSVP: www.iamtodayswoman.com or 502.327.8855 by November 2. O c t o b e r

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S O C I A L I Z E ,

t o d a y â&#x20AC;&#x2122; s

L A U G H ,

A N D

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L E A R N .

Surprise!

e didn’t know this was going to happen, but

this issue has turned into a Tough Girl issue. Several months ago, we planned the October issue with the theme of “Things That Make Us Neurotic.” As we began interviewing and meeting those who were dealing with issues that make us neurotic or just feel a little crazy, we found that we were dealing with women we were proud to know. They are women who make us realize that we all can find the ability to cope with almost anything through faith and friends.

I love when we are surprised.

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— Anita Oldham

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Volume 20 • Number 10

PUBLISHER • Cathy S. Zion publisher@todayspublications.com

EDITOR • Anita Oldham editor@todayspublications.com

ADVERTISING DIRECTOR • Susan Allen susan@todayspublications.com

Assistant EDITOR • Tiffany White tiffany@todayspublications.com

SALES DIRECTOR • Cheryl Suhr cheryl@todayspublications.com

COntributing EDITOR • Lucy M. Pritchett

account executive • Teri Hickerson teri@todayspublications.com

SenioR page & Graphic Designer • Kathy Bolger kathyb@todayspublications.com

account executive • Helen Ratterman helen@todayspublications.com

PRODUCTION COORDINATOR • Kathy Kulwicki kathyk@todayspublications.com

SENIOR Advertising Designer • April H. Allman april@todayspublications.com

Makeup artist • Holly Oyler

OFFICE MANAGER • Julie Mayberry julie@todayspublications.com

writer/photographer • Melissa Donald melissa@todayspublications.com

CIRCULATION MANAGER • W. Earl Zion

fashion stylist • Wendy Anguiano wendy@todayspublications.com

INTERNS • Kristen Becht, Caitlyn Hack

IT Support Provided by Skye Technologies www.skyetechnologies.com

For advertising information in Today’s Woman, call (502) 327-8855. Today’s Woman

is published monthly by:

Zion Publications LLC 9750 Ormsby Station Road, Suite 307, Louisville, KY 40223 Phone: (502) 327-8855 • Fax: (502) 327-8861 www.iamtodayswoman.com

Subscriptions are available by sending $18 to the above address for 12 monthly issues. Today’s Woman magazine is published monthly by Zion Publications LLC and distributed free to the people of metropolitan Louisville and Southern Indiana. Circulation 50,000 guaranteed. The opinions expressed herein are exclusively those of the writers and do not necessarily reflect the position of the publisher. Today’s Woman magazine does not endorse or guarantee any advertiser’s product or service. Copyright 2010 by Zion Publications LLC with all rights reserved. Reproduction or use of editorial or graphic content in any manner is prohibited without permission from Zion Publications LLC.

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BBB Rating of

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On Our Cover

s it possible to have more than one alter ego? After meeting our cover model Alli Truttmann, we are convinced you can. The natural-born Renaissance woman has figured out a way of fulfilling all of her career aspirations without sacrificing anything. An entrepreneur, certified personal trainer, and ABA therapist, Alli proves she is an expert at changing career hats on command. And through it all, she still manages to put her heart and soul into every new challenge that comes her way, because she is devoted to taking on the issues her clients face daily. Balancing her multifaceted life, she says, is tough, but doable. Read more about Alli and our other women seen in the Alter Ego fashion feature on page 38. Maybe this will give you the inspiration to follow a few passions you have put on the back-burner. â&#x20AC;&#x201D; Tiffany White

Photo by James Moses, Styling by Emily Reed, Makeup by Isidro Valencia.

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I Am Today’s Woman Because…

photo Credit : Melissa Donald

by Lucy m. Pritchett

O P

I am an emotionally vulnerable, courageous, trusted, committed, successful young woman.

...

n ower I am willing to be the best woman that I was created to be. I am on a mission everyday. My work is my mission.

On Style... Camping gear to cocktail dress. I worked with an image consultant to develop versatile outfits for the different parts of my life.

On Wellness...

I am in a women’s kayaking group, I take a spin class, and attend cardio theater at Urban Active. I am in a meditation group and practice being in the moment. I am a member of a women’s Bible study, and I keep a “God Box” filled with post-it notes listing what I want help with during the day.

Abigail Mueller, 28 Founder in 2006 of Abigail Academy for adolescent women seeking direction and confidence through private coaching, vision board workshops, and college campus visits. Neighborhood:

St. Matthews

On Connections...

I keep in touch with my sister in Austin and best friend in Los Angeles. I prefer face-to-face encounters...lunch, bike rides, walking.

Neurosis - Young Women... Young women are

scheduled for everything except self-time. We work on reversing limited beliefs that they have had playing on repeat since youth.

Neurosis - Mine...

The fear that I won’t be able to take my work far enough and reach as many girls as need it.

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BizView

by cheryl stuck

A Powerful WOman At Work

Cheryl Hart Owner of 2ND Wind Motivation Live audience talk show host Hart to Heart Talk Instructor of exercise and sports psychology at UofL Websites: www.2ndWindMotivation.com www.harttohearttalk.com Family: husband, Lee Walker; sons, Nicholas and Zachary Hart

photos: Melissa Donald

Cheryl H art

spends her days trying to help others meet their potential. Whether it’s speaking

to a corporate group, coaching an athlete, consulting with a team or an individual, or teaching a class, Cheryl helps people set goals and priorities so they can find happiness in whatever they do. And she knows what she’s talking about. Cheryl has achieved her own dreams. She loves sports and has competed in 45 marathons. She was the overall female winner of the Blue Angel Marathon and won silver medals in the World Triathlon in Portugal and the World Duathlon in Belgium in 2004. HER DAY Cheryl spends her weekdays teaching sport psychology at the University

of Louisville. In the afternoons, she may visit Ballard High School or Indiana University, where she consults for the women’s softball team. Other times, she may talk to an organization or give a workshop. She works with companies across the nation and internationally by phone from her home office. After work on Friday, she heads to Lake Michigan for the weekend. BEST PART HER JOB “Changing lives. I love my job. I’m so passionate about it.

POWER

Ninety-nine percent of the time, when you peel back the layers, the roadblock is a lack of self-confidence. It’s how the person perceives herself. I help them to see the same landscape with different eyes. I feel very privileged to be a part of that.” SUCCESS STORY “I worked with an athlete who wanted to run a marathon. He

was kind of a geek in high school. When I started examining what was going on, it wasn’t just about how he felt about his lack of athletic skills, but it was how he perceived himself as always being a loser from the things that went on

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Her Path FIRST JOB “Selling portrait packages

at Olan Mills when I was 15.” THEN “I was a flight attendant for

Delta Airlines from 1977 to 1981.” BEST JOB “I was a stay at home

mom. That was my best job.” LATER “I was a communication

moved in. I’m pinching myself. Everything I’ve ever worked for and dreamed about just came to fruition this week.”

This Michigan place was one of those things.”

SHE’S NEUROTIC ABOUT “I have been accused of being a neat freak. I like things neat and orderly. Like one of my kids once noticed that I got up in the middle of the night and put the toilet paper to a point. “If I have a dream I will not let it go.

childbirth and I don’t have Novocaine at the dentist’s office. There’s something weird about the thought of needles. I’ve had two root canals with no Novocaine. I think I was squeezing the dentist’s arm off.”

SHE FEARS “Needles. I had natural

associate for Centre College and coached cross country there from 1993 to 1997. Then I went into business for myself. I did motivational speaking. I was always an athlete, since I was a little kid. In 1982, I started doing triathlons.” TURNING POINT “I’ve always been

one to set goals for myself, and I finally was able to accomplish those things. I went back to graduate school, won marathons, and I’m married to the man of my dreams. I’ve done all these things. I think the turning point for me has come in the last two years. I don’t have to prove anything to anybody and can just enjoy being who I am.”

in his childhood and teen years. When we started talking about all his good qualities and how he could change, he leaped ahead. I had him figure out ways to see himself in a different light — a positive light. Now he has far exceeded all his goals in his personal life and he has exceeded his goals in the marathon. Now he is getting ready to participate in an Ironman competition.” WORST PART OF HER JOB “I get very

attached to my clients and when they’re emotionally upset I carry that with me. I tell them I care more about them being happy than as a successful athlete or a straight-A student.” HER DREAM “I have just realized my

life dream. I’ve always wanted to live on Lake Michigan and my husband and I just purchased a 20-acre farm there and renovated a little farm house and just w w w . i a m t o d a y s w o m a n . c o m

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by ANITA Oldham

“Therapy helped me understand that I had fullblown anxiety and obsessive/compulsive disorder, probably since childhood, but made unbearable by the hormonal changes of pregnancy, childbirth, and breastfeeding. The challenges of caring for a baby coupled with my unrealistic expectations of what a mom should be made me ripe for a fall.”

Cindy Adelberg, executive director of the Clifton Center, just retired after 15 years at the helm. During her tenure, over $1.3 million has been raised for significant renovations to the Center and more than 1,000 organizations and individuals have used the facility.

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Bec

e au s e w

e ar

STOMP will be making big noise at the Kentucky Center October 15-17.

Tickets: www.BroadwayAcrossAmerica.com

Read more about Carrie’s fight against OCD in our Oct-Nov issue of Today’s Family magazine. You can read it online at www.todaysfamilymag.com starting October 6.

Clifton’s Cindy

Speaking of Tuesdays, why don’t you spend the next first Tuesday with us? On our October Tuesday (October 5), we will be featuring SOUP — a hearty, healthy soup and ‘soup’ing up your fall wardrobe. Call 502.327.8855 to register.

I was just reminded of the great purse cake at our last Tuesday with Today’s Woman event as I saw this photo scroll across my Facebook news feed. I love the way this woman makes her cakes! You can find her on Facebook at Cakes by Lisa E. to see more of her work.

ar s

Happenings, news, celebrations, and tidbits that caught Today’s Woman’s eye for this month.

things

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or 502.584.7777.

See Jane Run

There are middle school girls who are meeting after school to run and learn selfrespect and healthy habits. This is thanks to the Girls on the Run program which just kicked off in three Louisville schools. Find out how you can get involved — www.gotrlouisville.org t o d a y ’ s

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This Could Be You! Nominate yourself for our Ready To Change Your Life contest. Are you ready to change your life? If so, Today’s Woman wants to help push you toward the goal of living healthy. Nominate yourself for our 3-month weight loss challenge to see how much better you can look and feel. The deadline to enter is November 19. Send your personal story (less than 500 words) including your specific goals, age, and current weight to weightloss@todayspublications.com and put “Ready To Change My Life” in the subject line.

Financial Whiz for Free Gretchen Morgenson is assistant business and financial editor and columnist for The New York Times, where she has covered world financial markets since 1998 and won a Pulitzer Prize in 2002 for Wall Street coverage. She will be in town on October 5 to speak at the University of Louisville on “After the Deluge: How Washington, Wall Street, and Main Street Are Faring Post-Meltdown.” Go see her at 6 p.m. in the Speed Art Museum auditorium.

BEFORE

AFTER

StepFamilies Are You Smart?

Operation: PARENT, a nonprofit organization dedicated to the parents and caregivers of teens and pre-teens, will host a presentation titled The Smart Step-Family on Tuesday, October 26 from 10 a.m. to 12 p.m. and from 6:30 p.m. to 8:30 p.m. Cost is $10. Register at www.operationparent.org or call 502.245.7154.

This was an amazing process — much different than we expected — wrapping Omenesa’s head in traditional headwrap called a gele. The head tie artwork was done by Oremeyi Kareem, owner of Debonaire African Designs.

She Looks Buff

Congrats to local trainer Natalie Barnett who placed 4th at the Optimum Nutrition NPC Junior National Bodybuilding Championships held near Chicago in June. Natalie owns and operates Metamorphosis Training Center on Bardstown Road. — Barbara MacDonald

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Paula Deen was in town recently to open the grand opening of the Paula Deen Buffet at the Horseshoe Casino. Here she is pictured with (left) volunteer Linda McDonough and (right) Ann Kulwicki, literacy coach at S. Ellen Jones elementary, where Deen helped pack backpacks for the Blessings in a Backpack nonprofit organization.

ioia Patton, arts and entertainment writer, said she realized at the Blessings in a Backpack Benefit Luncheon that talent, drive, and discipline notwithstanding, part of the ‘key’ to Paula Deen’s mammoth success is her seemingly boundless energy and good nature. “Betraying no hint of exhaustion on what must have been a grueling schedule that day — I was amazed that Deen not only stopped at every single table at the jammed packed luncheon, but also retained her vivacious ‘welcome to my buffet yu’all!’ attitude while posing for photos and signing autographs for every single person in attendance.” Gioia also enjoyed the food: “Paula Deen’s food was soooo mouthwatering, in fact, that I had to pause to collect myself more than once that day. And don’t even get me started on the dessert section, as my chocolate cake slice alone was so large in fact (the width of two grownup fists put together) that before my (now shaking) hand could put it on my plate, I actually looked over at the nearest waitress and asked: ‘Ahh...is this for-real, or is this 21/2 slices put together?’” Read Gioia’s interview at www.iamtodayswoman.com in our special additional online-only pages.

photo by Chet White

very year the women we feature in our breast cancer section help countless others by sharing their stories. These women all are emphatic about the importance of their supporters in friends and family. See section after page 36.

Lori Shea’s friend Sharon Robertson is raising money for breast cancer with a team in Lori’s name at the Making Strides walk on October 24.

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How to Live the Life You Were Intended

Author and motivational speaker Denise Taylor, who shares her tragic story on page 26, shows us how to eliminate seven words from our vocabulary to change our lives. 1. Don’t say, “have to,” say “get to.” “We feel burdened when we are actually blessed. When we’re grateful, we’re healthier, happier, and more joyful.” 2. Don’t say, you “spent” anything, say you “invested” in it. “It’s like you threw it away, like you didn’t get anything in return. If you felt like you spent it — whether it’s your energy, money, or your time — maybe you should not be doing that. If you feel like it is an investment, then you’re grateful to do it.” 3. Don’t say “can’t,” say “don’t want to.” “You can do whatever you want to do. If you say, ‘I can’t,’ like ‘I can’t go,’ it’s really ‘I don’t want to go.’ You can’t find the time, really? It’s not that you can’t, you’re really choosing to not do it. 4. Don’t say “but.” That’s an excuse. “That cancels out everything else you said before it. I replace ‘but’ with ‘however,’ if I even need to put it in there.” 5. Don’t say, I “need” something. “We have everything we truly need. It’s more like you want it. When you realize that it’s something that you ‘want,’ you acknowledge that you are blessed.” 6. Don’t say you are “busy.” “It’s a complaint. Busy means active and active is good. It means you are healthy enough to move, and do things, and have a life.” 7. Don’t say you “want” to, say you’re “going” to. “Basically, are you going to be a dreamer or a doer? It’s amazing the power of one word when you chose the right one.” Find Denise at www.wegetto.com

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You Can Walk This Way

ake plans to be a part of the American

Cancer Society’s Making Strides Against Breast Cancer Walk on October 24 at 1pm. Go to www.makingstrides.acsevents.org

Salad and Suits – a good combination for a good cause. Help other women who are looking for a job by attending Dress for Success Louisville’s luncheon on October 13. Contact www.dressforsuccess.org/louisville 502.584.8050 by October 6.

Check out www.LouisvilleCatholicSports.com — local sports coverage of the Louisville area’s 11 Catholic high schools and four area colleges.

When Modern Day Woman Meets Medieval (K)Night What is a medieval themed fashion extravaganza? You will have to go to find out yourself -- The fashion show is being held to benefit two local nonprofit organizations, the American Lung Association and Frazier International History Museum. It happens October 7 @ 5:30 at the Frazier International History Museum. Contact 502.426.2435 t o d a y ’ s

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REAL SURVIVORS W h e n t h e W o r s t H a p p e n e d : F o u r W o m e n T e ll H o w T h e y G o t T h r o u g h It By Marie Bradby n Photos by MELISSA DONALD

But who shall dare To measure loss and gain in this wise? Defeat may be victory in disguise; The lowest ebb is the turn of the tide. â&#x20AC;&#x201D; Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

enise Taylor lost a teen-age daughter to

a merciless disease. Megan Helton, a collegiate tennis player, battled back from the brink of death. Jeanne Tessier overcame the shame of childhood incest and rape. And staff sergeant Linda Brashears survived hours of major explosions as a soldier in Iraq. These women are survivors. Their painful experiences forced them to draw on every ounce of inner and spiritual strength they could muster while they coped with tragedy. Surprisingly, they didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t give in. Their stories are uplifting. Their ordeals made them stronger. They all changed their life paths. They are more focused on helping others. Here are their

amazing stories.

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NOT SAFE AT HOME J

eanne Tessier has one of those artsy lawns where the grass has been dug up and over-planted with perennials. Her artwork hangs on the living room walls, painted bright yellow. Her border collie greets you at the door and immediately wants to play fetch. She has just finished participating in an event she helped organize, “The Unspoken Truth Exhibit” which was held at Spalding University in July and sponsored by Seven Counties Services for the advocacy and healing of victims of abuse. Jeanne describes the T-shirt she wore and personalized. On the front, she circled the word “survivor” and added “artist, mother, friend.” On the back, she wrote: “This shame is not our shame.” Jeanne, 62, a survivor of incest and rape, says, “It’s the shame of those who did them.” While victims of sexual abuse are rarely named, Jeanne and other organizers claimed theirs. “Sometimes I think all the secrecy and anonymity keeps the victims silent and gives permission for it to go on,” she said. They’ve set up a website http://unspokentruthexhibit.wordpress.com, and a Facebook page, Unspoken Truth, to encourage survivors in other cities to create an unspoken event, she said. “The abuse of women and children is universal.” From the age of 4 until she was a teenager, she suffered from sexual abuse by her father and stepbrother. As if that weren’t enough, she was gang raped as a college freshman at a fraternity party. “This is not who we are called to be,” Jeanne said. She says “rage for 32 years and faith for 30” got her through. Academics was her escape route. She won several college scholarships, became a communications professor at Indiana Purdue Fort Wayne, and followed that with a second career as a chaplain at Kosair Children’s Hospital. Art is the third career for this mother of three grown children, who has taken a long hard road to inner healing and forgiveness for her mother and father. Forgiveness for her stepbrother is still a work in progress. “What we can’t forgive does damage only to ourselves,” she said. “It never harms the person you can’t forgive. It eats us up. The primary need of forgiveness is to heal ourselves. It’s a kind of letting go.” She has come to this after years of therapy and a restored relationship with God. 20

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Jeanne grew up in northern Illinois in a working-class family, the third of seven children to an American World War II soldier and a war bride from Belfast whom her father met and married while stationed in England. “My childhood wasn’t terribly fun,” she said. “But I loved school. School was my safety and salvation. I loved making art. I loved to roller skate. I loved my little sister that I took care of. I loved to read. I had many angels — teachers, neighbors who gave me the love and affection I didn’t get in my family. My mom loved us as best she could. Her mother had died when she was very young and she was feeling her way with how to be a mother.” Starting around age 4, her stepbrother, who was born before her parents met, began “messing” with her. Therapists use the word “grooming” to indicate how a perpetrator prepares the victim. It was heavy and constant. Her father raped her at age seven. She was wearing her favorite dress that day, a polished blue cotton with a white smocked collar. They lived in an apartment above a general store that her t o d a y ’ s

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father managed. “He took me to a cornfield behind the store,” she said. “I tried to tell my mom, and she lost it. Called me a liar, hit me. Ripped the bloody clothes off of me. Left me alone in my room the rest of the day.” What does a 7-year-old think? “That it was my fault. My mother’s response made me feel like I was the one being punished. My dad told me he was giving me what I was asking for when he raped me. That’s common, that the perpetrator blames the victim. ‘It was the way she was dressed, she was asking for it.’ That kind of thing.” Her eyes look a little pained and watery. It still bothers her. As if on cue, her dog “Spirit” sits up from his nap like Odie in the Garfield comic strip, and goes and gets every slobbery toy, trying to get someone to play. It is a brief cute-dog interlude. But her father continued the abuse for years until she began to menstruate, she said. Her stepbrother continued to “mess” with her and her other siblings. “He was obsessed with sex. He was constantly looking for ways to engage anyone sexually. Maybe he was abused too. I don’t know.” When she was 14, her stepbrother, then 22, violently raped her in his apartment and then gave her to his three friends, two of whom also raped her. The third guy “who had a sister my age, just came in the room and sat with me a while and told me to put my clothes on.” Her eyes are pained again. She looks away briefly, then turns back. “It’s important for survivors to talk about it. “The whole family was built on denial and secrecy. Until recently, my sisters were all in denial. No two people in a family have the same perceptions. We still don’t talk about it very much.” From a very young age “most of what I thought about was: How do I get out of here? School and academic success seemed a way out to me. I didn’t date much.” When she talked about college, her parents said, “‘You’re not going to college. You’re going to get a job.’ I just kept saying, ‘No, I’m going to college.’ Nobody in my family had never gone before.” Her speech teacher helped her fill out applications and pushed her to go to Northwestern University and major in speech. “As far as I was concerned when I got there, I had made it out.” In October of her freshman year, she got badgered into going to a fraternity party on a blind date by a girlfriend who lived in her dorm. “I said, ‘No, no, no!’ But my roommate chimed in and so finally, I agreed. It was a big mistake.” As soon as she got there, she was given a drink with something in it that knocked her out. “When I woke up I was in a room on one of the upper floors of the fraternity house where they had put all these mattresses on the floor and had hung sheets between them. I wasn’t the only girl there. I was still out of it. When I kept waking up, there would be a different guy. When I finally woke up, the party was over. It was quiet. I found my clothes, stumbled out of the fraternity house, walked to my dorm, and a took long hot shower. w w w . i a m t o d a y s w o m a n . c o m

She told her roommate and her girlfriend she was raped, but they both just said, ‘Oh.’ She never reported it, and doesn’t remember the fraternity. A month later, right before Thanksgiving, something strange happened. A boy who was a fellow student and former high school classmate came to her dorm to talk to her. They knew each other only in passing. He told her that at his fraternity initiation, “he had been made to participate in a gang rape. It never occurred to me that maybe he was coming to me because it was me. It could have been. I don’t know. “It was still pretty raw in me. I said, ‘Why did you do that?’ He said, ‘I don’t know. They just put so much pressure on me and I wanted to belong.’ I said, ‘Why are you telling me?’ He said, ‘I was hoping someone would forgive me.’ I said, ‘Well, you are not going to get any forgiveness from me.’ I was really angry. He got up and left.” But a few weeks later, right before Christmas, this young man killed himself. “Clearly it was a burden that he couldn’t carry.” In her mid 20’s, she entered therapy. She’d lost faith in religion and was angry with God. She had turned to alcohol, cigarettes, and marijuana as an escape until she became stronger through four years of therapy. She worked through a lot of her rage and came to see that God had been in her life even when it didn’t feel like it. In her early 30s, she married a childhood sweetheart, a mechanical engineer, and got re-connected to her faith. Unfortunately, her marriage ended in divorce after thirteen years. “Difficulty establishing and maintaining relationships with men was an early symptom,” she said. “The first noble truth of Buddhism is: Life is suffering,” Jeanne said. “Certainly I learned that. But I also learned that we are saved by love.” She also paraphrases a passage in a Pearl Buck novel: “Of what use is suffering unless those of us who have experienced it use it to summon the courage to try to drive it from the world?” With her husband for support, she confronted her parents, but they both sat in silence. Her mother finally acknowledged the abuse while dying of cancer. “When I went to visit her not long before she died, she said, ‘You know why I never did anything about what happened to you as a child?’ I said, ‘No, but I’d like to know.’ She said, ‘It’s what my dad and brothers did to me, and I thought it was the way of the world.’ It is the way of the world. It is more common than we begin to understand.” That acknowledgment “allowed me to complete my own forgiveness of her.” Her father never acknowledged what he did. He had been an alcoholic for most of his life. After attending AA late in life, he sent her a note with one sentence: ‘I am sorry for all the things I did that hurt my wife.’ But her father eventually developed dementia and near the end of his life, she saw him as a broken, limited, damaged old man. And forgave him.

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It can’t be a Brain Tumor H

alf-way through her freshman year at the University of Louisville, Megan Helton, a walk-on player for the women’s tennis team, found her life in peril as the result of a brain tumor. Ironically, on an ominous-sounding Friday, January 13, 2006, the first surgery went smoothly and removed 60 percent of the tennis-ball sized mass. The second surgery four days later on an ordinary Tuesday left her unable to walk or talk or swallow. She had blurred vision and loss of control of her right hand. She developed pneumonia a few days later that left her unable to breathe on her own. Then she had a seizure that temporarily paralyzed her. “When I had the seizure...I remember honestly thinking I was going to die,” said Megan. But after 71 days in the hospital and months of rehabilitation, Megan, now 23, returned to classes that fall and graduated in 2009 magna cum laude with a 3.75 grade point average.

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“I worked so hard to get back to a life that I knew, to get back to school, to get back to tennis, that I really pushed myself,” said Megan, who began her rehab by just trying to sit up on the side of the bed for a few minutes before lying back down for the rest of the day. “I wanted to surpass the goals that the doctor and physical therapist set for me,” she said. If the therapist asked her to walk 10 steps, she would struggle to walk 20. “I’m a very independent person. Everybody had to do everything for me. Basically I just wanted my life back. I had people praying for me all around the world. I was on prayer lists. I truly believe that the good Lord was looking out for me. He gave me the strength to overcome this.” Even before this crisis, Megan had been symptomatic for four and a half years with headaches, neck pain, and frequent vomiting. Though she had been to the doctor a dozen times, physicians had missed the real cause of her problems. None had suggested a CAT scan or MRI. Doctors said it was stress from being a type “A” personality, the neck strain was from serving, and they thought she was bulimic. The symptoms began when she was 14. It affected her tennis game so much that she carried a purple bucket on court for junior tennis matches. “I would be playing a match and vomit on the court in the middle of the match. The vomiting caused me to lose a lot of weight. I was pretty skinny and not really strong. I just felt bad all the time.” Her ranking went down and down. As a junior tennis player, she trained at the BassRudd Tennis Center at U of L, and was ecstatic to be chosen as a walk-on. She wouldn’t get to play, but she would get to practice with the main players. A political science major, she was doing well in class. On the morning of January 10, 2006, she felt horrible. She went to the bathroom to get ready for class, but felt so bad that she decided to go back to her dorm room and lay down. She collapsed in the hallway and luckily was found by her RA (resident assistant) who called EMS. The EMT’s thought she was under the influence of drugs or alcohol and reluctantly took her to the ambulance. Friends in the dorm called her mother, Lynn. At Baptist East Hospital, an MRI revealed that she had a large tumor in the back of her head. “I was so out of it that I rolled over and went back to sleep. In a way I was a little bit relieved to find out what was wrong,” she said. The tumor was pressing down on her fourth ventricle and causing a back up of fluid on her brain. On Friday, January 13, she was in the operating room for 10 hours as surgeons began removing the benign tumor. All t o d a y ’ s

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went well. Though she was in intensive care, there were no bad side effects. But the second surgery on Tuesday, January 17 was disastrous. “Pretty much all hell broke lose,” she said. “I was having a lot of neurological problems. I couldn’t see straight. I lost control of my right hand. My fingers would twitch and move and I couldn’t control it. When I would wake up in the morning, I would feel like I was hanging upside down, and would have a panic attack until nurses would come in and adjust my bed and I could get my bearings straight.” Unknown to the doctors and nurses, she’d also lost the ability to swallow and after two days of solid food had aspirated food into her lungs and developed pneumonia. By the end of the week, “I had to be put on a ventilator. The situation wasn’t good at all.” No, it was actually worse. Megan was heavily medicated for the procedure. Her mother and grandparents were told to take a lunch break and come back in a couple hours. But shortly after they got to the cafeteria, Megan went into respiratory arrest. Before they had a chance to select food in the hospital cafeteria, her mother heard an announcement for a code, followed by Megan’s room number. “I got up and ran, and they wouldn’t let me in,” Lynn remembers. “I had major, major meltdown outside the door, because I felt she was gone. I didn’t know what the code was for. I stood out there and said, ‘No, no, no!’ “I ran so fast, I beat the ‘crash’ cart and the team that was with it.” Lynn, a cytologist, didn’t handle the overall situation well. She’d cried a lot and was angry about the misdiagnosis. “I had never been so scared in my life. It’s a horrible experience. I’ll probably start crying if I start talking about it.” And right away, she did. “It’s a nightmare that doesn’t go away real fast. I don’t think it will ever go away to be completely honest. “But (the neurosurgeon) Dr. (Wayne) Villanueva said she was going to be fine once we got past it, that anger doesn’t help. He just thought I needed to channel myself in other directions which would be a lot more healthy for the both of us.” With the tracheotomy, Megan couldn’t

talk, with the loss of her right hand, she couldn’t write, so she had to communicate by pointing to letters on a board. After a month in the ICU, she’d lost all her motor skills and couldn’t lift her head off the pillow. Around February 2, the day she was to be released from ICU to rehab, she had a seizure that left her paralyzed. It happened in the middle of the night. Unable to talk, or move, she couldn’t alert the nurses. “I couldn’t get anyone’s attention. The nurses in the morning realized something was wrong and they rushed me to ICU.” The staff thought she was having a stroke, but an MRI revealed a seizure. With her movement restored three days later, she finally made it to rehab and began the long process of learning to walk, talk, swallow, bathe, and write. On March 22, she left the hospital using a walker, then graduated to using a cane, then walking with no assistance. “I had great family support, great friend support,” she said. The tennis team and coaches came to visit her often. In 2008, she was given the Wilma Rudolph Award, an honor for students who have overcome enormous adversity and were still successful in the classroom. It’s given by the National Association of Academic Advisors for Athletes. The hardest part of her journey, she said, was “having to be patient, to give it time to heal and allow me to get back to normal.” Megan still has balance problems and gets dizzy easily. She finished a year of law school and, realizing it wasn’t for her, is now enrolled in graduate school in political science. In a paper she had to submit for the Rudolph Award, she wrote: “I credit the love that was shown to me during that time for my strength in overcoming the impossible. Over the past two years, numerous people have called me a “miracle” but I have to disagree. I do not feel like I have done anything extraordinary — those who took care of me are the extraordinary ones. I only did what I had to do in order to survive. It was my doctors and nurses who kept me alive, my therapists who taught me how to live again, and my friends and family who gave me the will to keep living. I was just along for the ride.”

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ATTACKED

t is 11:30 at night and Staff Sergeant Linda Brashears has been talking for hours about her life, how at age 50, she re-enlisted in the Army and was sent to Iraq. She cannot help herself. She relives the experiences over and over. Especially the night in 2006 when she survived three hours of thunderous explosions and raining debris, trapped outdoors in a bunker. In-coming mortars had hit the ammo supplies. She eventually ran. She said she was fine. No wounds. She didn’t realize she had suffered a traumatic brain injury (TBI) from the blasts. The symptoms that made her feel like she was losing it would start the next day. But it would not be diagnosed until she returned to the U.S. Linda, 56, a mother and divorcee, is back in Louisville, medically discharged from the Army Reserves. She quit her old job as an administrative assistant at the VA hospital. A desk job doesn’t fit her life anymore. She volunteers through the Brain Injury Alliance of Kentucky, helping veterans cope with TBI. She believes she’s finally found her calling. Linda first joined the Army at age 19 in 1974 after meeting Vietnam veterans in her classes at Jefferson Community College. Some were having a very hard time. She wanted to help. “I didn’t really have an idea of what I was going to do with my life. I was in good shape. I was pretty patriotic.” A medic, she was stationed at Fort Campbell, and wanted to go to Vietnam. The war was drawing down, so she served at an Army hospital in Nuremberg, Germany. She left the Army in 1977, joined the Kentucky National Guard, and “like a lot veterans, got a job at the post office.” That lasted until she married, had a son, and moved to Chicago. By 2003, she had returned to Louisville and worked at the VA hospital when she started seeing guys come back from Iraq and “caught the bug again.” On her 50th birthday, June 11, 2004, she joined the Army Reserves. “A lot of people hear that and say, ‘You are crazy.’ The people I worked with knew I would end up doing it.” When she got her orders, the good news was: She was going to be deployed, but in postal operations, not as a medic. The bad news: In Iraq. “I didn’t freak out. I said, ‘Okay, well, when?’ ‘You leave next month.’ Then I started thinking, ‘Wow that was quick.’ ” After training to operate a post office in a combat zone, she 24

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arrived December 20 at FOB Falcon, a base two miles south of Baghdad. She co-supervised 17 other soldiers in her postal unit: seven women and 10 men. The youngest was 19. He was “my son’s age. I automatically became mom. I made promises to their moms and dads that we would bring them all home.” While at FOB Falcon, the camp was hit by 600 mortars. She got her first taste on Christmas Eve, while she and the other women in her postal unit were moving into their rooms in a concrete hangar in an area hardened with sand bags. “Several mortars landed close to us,” she said. “After you are there for a month, you could tell the difference between what was coming in and what was going out.” One day, a mortar “landed in front of the post office. No one was hurt. I can laugh now. My commander, my sergeant, and I ran and got in bunkers.” By cell phone, they checked on their soldiers and got 100 percent accountability. The post office was a busy place where soldiers mailed letters, t o d a y ’ s

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CDs, photos, souvenirs, packages and other items home. Mail was received at night by Marine helicopters after too many trucks were damaged by road-side bombs. “We would hear about people getting hit by roadside bombs and pretty soon we would see stuff (personal gear) come in through our post office. We had several deaths on our base, several people didn’t make it home.” She cries softly. “Sorry. It’s hard.” But things were about to get harder. October 10, she faced nearly certain death under attack, for hours, alone. After some comedians from the Comedy Caravan performed for the entertainment-starved soldiers, she stopped at the post office to check her email when she heard a huge explosion. A second mortar was closer, the third closer still, about 80 meters from where she stood. She ran to a bunker. “A few minutes later, a loud boom came from an area about 125 meters from me...where my guys were. My commander called. He told me that the ammo holding area had been hit.” Conex storage containers filled with explosives — grenades, live ammo — were exploding. “I was smart enough to realize I was in the safest place. Things started flying through the air-rifles, ammo, grenades, smoke signals. “I’m kind of re-living it as I am talking to you. I was in the bunker for about three hours. I would stick my head out and there would be a flash of light and then you would feel it. I would see the flash and then duck back in. “I was worried about the fire. Gases were burning. That wasn’t good. You wouldn’t want to inhale, and it was wafting through the air toward my guys. I said, ‘If you can get out of that building just run.’ And they did. Some in sleeping clothes.” A friend in the Green Zone called and said they were watching it live on CNN. He told her to stay down on the ground and put something on her face. “It cooked for hours. It was like a huge forest fire. “You had to just wait it out. About the third hour a really big explosion hap-

pened. You could hear like hail on top of the bunker. Then it got a little bit quieter.” She crawled out of the bunker and ran; there were still booms. “Live ammo was everywhere. I could have stepped on a grenade. I ran to the dining facility. “They asked if I was okay. I didn’t really know. ‘I guess I’m fine. I’m a little dizzy.’ ” “I knew I had a guardian angel with me that night.” Her cell phone never worked well before, yet, she called a friend in the Green Zone, all her soldiers twice, even her mother back in the U.S. It was a miracle. We were all praying for each other. You are really spiritual that close to death.” Her headaches wouldn’t go away. She would fall for no reason. She couldn’t remember things. She stumbled over words. She couldn’t sleep, she had nightmares. “I was re-living it over and over,” she said. “I began to see a psychologist. Everyday they would ask, ‘You okay?’ ‘Yeah, I’m fine.’ They could tell I wasn’t the same person. I didn’t smile any more. I wasn’t me any more.” She returned to Fort McCoy, Wis., December 10. She had ringing in the ears, an aversion to bright lights. She was short tempered, lacked stamina. Doctors said she had either a concussion or post traumatic stress disorder. Her psychologist recommended that she see a neurologist at Walter Reed Hospital in Washington, DC, where, after tests and scans, it was determined that she had traumatic brain injury. “I cried when they told me that. My symptoms had been vindicated. I had a brain injury. I knew something was wrong. I had a contusion to the left superior cerebellum.” But she felt guilty. “If you looked at me, you couldn’t see anything. “I go around and talk to soldiers who are back from the war. We have a card that tells you the symptoms. We ask, ‘Were you ever exposed to blasts?’ Some say, ‘Yeah, I’m okay.’ And some say, ‘Maybe that’s what’s wrong with me.’ A lot of people don’t know they have this and it’s my job to help them find out.”

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HER CHILD DIED D

enise Taylor wears a spiky, geometric haircut. She talks fast, laughs heartily, and has the feisty energy of a tennis player battling it out for the championship at Wimbledon. But hers has not been the celebrity life of an elite athlete. She has self-published a book called Heavenly Birth and it chronicles the last nine months of the painful, nearly three-year journey of losing her 14-year-old daughter Jonnae (John-nay) to leukemia. There are the alarming moments of the discovery of the illness when her daughter was only twelve years old; terrifying passages when she faced her daughter’s long hospital stays, years of chemotherapy with its grueling effects, and a bone marrow transplant; and the heart-breaking, yet surreal evening — the last — when her child died. A few hours before, her neighbors had filed down the street to her house at dusk holding candles and singing a hymn. Denise says the experience transformed her. Transformed her from a negative person to one filled with gratitude. Transformed her from a decorative painter who made pretty pictures on peo-

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ple’s walls, to an author and motivational speaker, hoping to help others turn their negative outlook into a joyous, positive one. The mother of five children, ages 13 to 19 and married to John, a Walmart manager, Denise lives in a quiet subdivision in Sellersburg, Ind. One morning, April 21, 2005, she was getting ready to go to the gym before work at 5:30, when Jonnae came rushing into her bathroom, saying her legs were trembling. Denise was concerned enough to call the emergency room, but was told that since her daughter didn’t have a fever, “just keep an eye on her” and call her pediatrician’s office when it opened. Since her husband was off for the day, she went to work, but called the pediatrician right at eight. She was told a flu was going around and leg trembles could be a symptom. They gave her a one o’clock appointment. Denise felt uneasy about her daughter’s symptom and returned home. By the time of the appointment, the pain had become so bad, she had to carry Jonnae into the doctor’s office. Within moments, she found herself in a private consultation with the physician who told her that her daughter had leukemia. Jonnae was rushed to Kosair Children’s Hospital where the diagnosis was quickly confirmed, and began the first of many long stays in a brutal, nearly three-year battle for life. “You know, immediately, I felt embraced by something stronger than me,” Denise said. “I felt guided right away. I felt a voice say — like a whispering — ‘If there’s one good thing and a thousand bad, the only way you’re going to get through this is to focus on that one good thing.’ And at the time I wasn’t very good at that. I was the opposite. If there were a thousand good things and one bad, I was focused on that one bad thing.” Denise and her daughter started finding ways to focus on the good. But while Denise felt a sense of calm, initially, she didn’t think her daughter had it in her to fight the cancer. “Things were happening at school — the ‘meangirl’ scenario in 6th grade. I didn’t see her as real strong. But she proved me wrong all the way. She was a warrior and she let me know that, right out of the gate.” “Jonnae taught me how to stay focused. She never wanted pity. She never said: ‘Why me?’ “When I saw her being courageous and not being bitter and resentful, it was easier for me not to be resentful. We both from day one were accepting of God’s will, whatever it was. We wanted the outcome to be good, but we were ready to just be strong warriors for each other. We ended up being warriors for everybody around us.” They began keeping gratitude journals, deciding to write down five new things each day. One day, Denise wrote about being grateful for eyelashes when Jonnae lost hers. t o d a y ’ s

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On the tougher days, when she felt like crying — when Jonnae struggled with the effects of chemo, or high doses of steroids, or the bone marrow transplant, or the second relapse, or the savage seizure — her daughter would ask her not to. “So I wouldn’t because I didn’t want to make her cry. We would rather be in joy together than to be in sorrow. And we found ways to create that. It was always the better option.” Jonnae was the second oldest child, the oldest of the two girls. Her siblings expressed anger: “How can God let this happen?” Denise remembered them asking. However, Denise didn’t blame God. “I really believe it’s us that’re not taking care of ourselves, we aren’t taking care of our earth. I don’t think it’s God punishing us. We have to own up to... the choices that we make.” She feels environmental pollutants, unhealthy foods, negative thinking, and the emotional school environment all played a role in her daughter’s illness. “I’m much more conscious about healthy eating now,” she said. “We are conditioned to be drawn to the negative, and focus on what we don’t have, to not take ownership, or (not have) gratitude for the things we do have. I think it’s a choice, and I think we could learn and Jonnae and I did. That’s how I see that I’m blessed, that’s where the clarity comes from.” In April, 2008, after years of chemo and a bone marrow transplant in December, Denise got the call that her daughter had relapsed again — the leukemia had returned. “I felt like she would (really) be angry this time,” Denise said. Instead, Jonnae asked if she could spend the day hanging out before returning to the hospital. “We planned an amazing day. We painted pottery, played puttputt with the family...ate at two of her favorite restaurants. She didn’t live like she was dying. She died teaching us how to live: and that’s one day at a time, making the most of what you had.” She refers to her daughter’s passing on June 8, 2008 as her “heavenly birth.” Denise believes her purpose in life now is to teach other people how to love themselves. “Not only is my life more fulfilled now because of what she taught me, but I am a better person. I forgive much more readily. I don’t judge people. Love them for what they are, not what they’re not. I actually believe she was sent to rescue me. I was a people pleaser. “I was competing to prove I was worth something, to prove that I was the best...trying to get everybody to love me and understand me, and appreciate me. I don’t need to prove it to myself any more. Because of the strength she gave me, I found that within myself. I am stronger now than I was.” As for advice for other families experiencing difficulties, Denise says, “Focus on the time you have. No matter what happens, you will be okay. I always look for someone going through something harder. What’s something more than letting go of a child? There is a mom in Iraq or Haiti who lost a whole family just like that (snaps her fingers) from a bomb or an earthquake or a house fire, or a car accident. It could always be worst, even if you can’t imagine it.” w w w . i a m t o d a y s w o m a n . c o m

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O c t o b e r

New Experiences

story By Kimberly Crum

on the

illustration by silvia cabib

Ten Minutes

Couch

A Visit to the Psychoanalyst “The conscious mind may be compared to a fountain playing in the sun and falling back into the great subterranean pool of subconscious from which it rises.” — Sigmund Freud

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>> Ten Minutes on the Couch The Kentucky Psychoanalytic Institute occupies a Victorianera duplex built in 1890 by a wealthy merchant for his two daughters. Legend has it that the duplex’s porches were offset so the sisters could sit outside without having to talk to each other. Such evidence of sibling rivalry makes sense in this place, where unresolved conflicts are deeply explored. I am a cynical explorer raised on the mantra “When the going gets tough, the tough get going.” Psychoanalysis might be right for Woody Allen, but not for me. Nevertheless, here I am in the foyer of the Institute of Psychoanalysis. The first thing I notice is a brochure advertising the 9th Annual Golf Scramble. At top-center is a photo of Sigmund Freud holding a golf club. I

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chuckle at the irony. Never thought of psychoanalysts as playful fellows. I recall my first exposure to Sigmund Freud. I was a college freshman, giddy with freedom from parental control. In Psychology 101, I learned about the Id, Ego and Superego, the Oedipus complex and Penis Envy. How little boys want to possess their mothers and women their fathers. How unresolved feelings toward a parent, often the mother, can cause long-term emotional distress, called “neurosis.” The director and founder of the Institute, clinical psychologist Dr. Tom Thacker, looks nothing like one of those stern bespectacled, bow-tied, pipe-smoking analysts of my imagination. Dr. Thacker has smiling eyes, is clean-shaven and wears a sport shirt. He is a jovial man, providing business-casual therapy in an art-filled Victorian house with high ceilings, oriental rugs, deep-hued walls, and couches. A velvety upholstered couch anchors each therapy room. One can easily imagine Elizabeth Bennett swooning here, overcome by her conflicted desire for Mr. Darcy. In addition to four years of intensive post-doctorate training, Dr. Thacker was required to receive three years of psychoanalysis. Why, I ask, must the psychoanalyst be analyzed? He explains that analysis helps “experience the patient on an emotional level…And you learn to shut up.” Shutting up is central to the effectiveness of psychoanalysis. “You learn to listen with what is called ‘the third ear,” says Dr. Thacker. Attentive listening enables the patient to speak uninterrupted, to explore deeply, and to transfer feelings about “significant others” to the therapist. The latter is a process known as “transference.” Dr. Thacker talks about the pre-Oedipal phase, about how defense mechanisms developed as a result of early life experiences can control the adult’s emotional life. A long-term relationship with a psychoanalyst will help the person become more aware of how childhood experiences contribute to behaviors and thoughts. Psychoanalysis is “not easy, not a quick fix,” says Dr. Thacker. He invites me to try out the couch. I leap out of my chair and settle back, looking up at the tall windows and ceiling. Dr. Thacker is behind me and to my left, about five feet away. I cannot see him. He says nothing. “What am I supposed to talk about?” “Anything you like. My job is to listen.” He suggests I begin with a dream. t o d a y ’ s

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“What happens if I don’t dream much?” “Everybody dreams,” he says. Dreams are what Freud called “the royal road to the unconscious.” I am not certain I want to blaze a trail to my unconscious. Once I am on the couch, the quality of his voice seems to change. It is lower, gravelly, and almost paternal. I ask, “So do you become my father, mother, or brother while I am talking to you?” “All of those people at different times,” he says. And all of a sudden, I am telling him about a dream about my deceased father. “He came to me as Richard Nixon. We were at a ballgame. I didn’t know Nixon was my dad until the end of the dream when he hugged me. He was a frail old man and when he reached his arms around my shoulders, I knew he was Dad. What did the dream mean?” Dr. Thacker is noncommittal, saying it could mean several things: reconciliation or wish fulfillment, for example. “My father loved Richard Nixon. I hated Richard Nixon,” I say. I want to explore the dream more deeply. But Dr. Thacker subtly reminds me that this is an interview, not a therapy session. “You can get off the couch now,” he coaches. Perhaps I am too good a candidate for analysis: eager to talk and explore the meaning of my dreams. The only thing I am certain of when I leave the Institute is this: The couch works! Talking to a voice you cannot see is liberating. I try to discern what I might have learned had I spent more time there. I would talk about how, from my early adolescence, Dad and I debated current and world events energetically while Mom begged us to stop. She didn’t understand how important these debates were for Dad and me. Neither did I.

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WHY GO TO PSYCHOANALYSIS?

WHAT IS THE KENTUCKY PSYCHOANALYTIC INSTITUTE (KPI)?

According to the American Psychoanalytic Association, “many people come to analysis because of a pattern of repeated failures in work or in love. Others recognize self-destructive patterns of behavior they are unable to change. Others need analysis because… their character substantially limits their choices and their pleasures. Some feel a painful but vague sense of unease and emptiness.” http://www.apsa.org/ About_Psychoanalysis.aspx

Founded in 1994 by Dr. Thomas Thacker, KPI is a non-profit training and counseling center on 1326 South Third Street in Old Louisville. Contact Information:

Telephone-502.637.2639 Web Site: http://www.kypsychoanalytic.org/ Services: KPI provides counseling and

WHAT IS MODERN PSYCHOANALYSIS? Modern Psychoanalysis focuses on issues created in the early developmental phases of childhood, before four years of age. In traditional psychoanalysis, the patient is treated 4 to 6 times weekly. In Modern Psychoanalysis the patient and the therapist determine frequency, which can range from every other week to 6 times a week.

training services described on their website as follows: • Offers affordable comprehensive mental health services for children, adolescents and adults, including both treatment and diagnostic evaluations. • Offers three training programs for clinicians: the Psychoanalytic Training Program; a two-year certificate of completion in psychodynamic psychotherapy; and the Marriage and Family Studies Program • Fees for psychoanalysis are based on a sliding scale.

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JOSH TURNER

Blue-Eyed Country Soul

‘A

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Photo: George Holz

country Barry White’ wrote Blender magazine about country music star Josh Turner, which has to be one of the most eye-catching phrases ever One of the things about used to describe the vocal style success is that if (you) of a country music singer, much don’t keep that ball rollin’ less, when the country singer’s once you get it started physical description is: white, in sometimes, it’s hard to get it started again if it shape, blue-eyed, toothpaste-ad- ever stops rollin’. Because I want to have one long perfect smile and commercial continuous career, I keep -leading-man good looks. a decent pace throughout the year of concert dates, So memorable is the ‘Barry publicity, and whatever White’ remark in fact, that else is required of me as an artist; although always when I reach Turner by phone finding time to do family during a Meadville, Pa. tour things. stop, the first thing we talk — country music star Josh Turner about is the comparison to the late singer. “Wellllll,” Turner begins slowly in his charming baritone North Carolina accent, “the way I’ve always thought about it is, as long as I’m bein’ compared to somebody who’s talented and a legitimate artist (laughs), then I’m okay with that. When I heard about the Barry White comparison, I was actually thrilled, because it made me realize that I was finally accomplishin’ something I’d been wantin’ to accomplish, which was the fact that I didn’t want (people) to think I was just one kind of artist. I wanted to be thought of as someone who could sing a lot of different forms of melodies and different types of songs and still make it my own brand of traditional country music,” he explains. “And that’s been really challengin’,” he admits, “as prior to the Barry White remark, I’d only been compared to my music hero, Randy Travis.” Turner mentions that when he first heard about the comparison to White, he said to himself, “huh...I never saw that one comin!’” To date, the Hannah, North Carolina native has sold more than 4 million albums, and garnered two multi-week #1’s: Your Man and Would You Go With Me?, off his 2006 sophomore album Your Man. At the time of Turner’s interview with Today’s Woman, the single, Why Don’t We Just Dance?, off the singer/songwriter’s current CD Haywire (MCA Nashville), had just spent four weeks at #1. “I got some valuable advice from country music legend, Eddy Arnold, before I’d even made my first record,” reveals Turner, t o d a y ’ s

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An Arts Insider Must-See

By Gioia Patton

who wrote or co-wrote five of Haywire’s tracks. “He said ‘when you have a chance to record a love song and if it’s right for you, then do it. Because those songs that relate to the relationship between a man and a woman are the songs that careers are made of.’ When Eddy first told me that, though,” Turner continues, “I thought, ‘I don’t know if he knows what he’s talkin’ about,’ although almost immediately, I started thinkin’ ‘why even question Eddy Arnold’s advice, because here’s a guy whose songs have been on charts in seven different decades, and who’s sold over 90 million records.’ So if (you) get hold of a really good love song, you’re gonna have somethin’.” The affable Turner then shares, by way of an example, the following story: “I was in a Mexican restaurant in Pennsylvania a month ago and heard a song playin’ on the radio. Suddenly I realized it was a cover of Don Gibson’s country classic Oh Lonesome Me, although (begins to laugh) sung in Spanish…and performed by a mariachi band. And I thought to myself,” Turner continues, still sounding amused, ‘that’s when you know you’ve made it.’” Turner’s own songwriting process varies. “It’s always different. I prefer to be in my own little space and wait to be inspired, but a lot of times an idea will just hit me out of the blue. I remember a few years ago bein’ in a little town in Michigan on an Indian reservation, where we were doin’ two shows in two nights,” he recalls. “And while in the shower suddenly into my head came the words ‘when it comes to love, she ain’t no slacker…my little darlin’ is a firecracker’. And that’s where I got the idea for the song Firecracker; a couple of weeks later I sat down with a couple of buddies of mine and wrote that song in an hour.” (P.S. — Firecracker When f October 8 @ 8pm went on to become Turner’s Where f Kentucky Center’s third Top 10 hit.) Whitney Hall ticket f $38-$60 Contact  the box office at Barry White comparison 502.584.7777, or in person, or or not, two of Turner’s visit www.kentuckycenter.org For Information f about the achievements to date make range of accessibility options: country music’s ‘A-List’ access@kentuckycenter.org without question: #1: In December of 2001, at age 24, making his Grand Ole Opry debut as a complete unknown — receiving a standing ovation with his delivery of Long Black Train. #2: Just six years later inducted into that same prestigious organization, and also becoming one of the youngest adults to receive such an honor. As to how Turner handles his stage entrances being met by ear-piercing whistles and female shrieks of approval since the double-platinum status success of Your Man? “You know, I just go out there and do what I love to do,” Turner replies matter-of-factly. “(Everybody) kind of sees me in a different way,” he admits, referring to his fans. “But I just see myself as this little, blue-eyed boy from Hannah, N.C., who loves to sing country music. And I don’t try to get above that.” Gioia Patton is an arts & entertainment celebrity profiler. w w w . i a m t o d a y s w o m a n . c o m

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O c t o b e r

W o m e n ’ s P o w e r B u z z

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Professional Connections Calendar BPW-Business and Professional Women- New Albany Every 3rd Monday • 5:30pm Tucker’s American Favorites 2045 State Street New Albany Sarah Ring 502.550.9503

BPW-Business & Professional Women- River City Every 2nd Wednesday • Noon Lunch and Program noon-1pm Jefferson Club jennifer.morrison@arisoninc.com 502.499.4420, www.bpwrc.org eWoman Network Every 3rd Thursday • Noon Wildwood Country Club 5000 Bardstown Rd. Angela Reedus 502.592.8244 www.ewomennetwork.com EWI- Executive Women International- Kentuckiana Every 3rd Tuesday • 5:30pm Louis T. Roth & Co. 2100 Gardiner Lane Roberta Brock 502.581.2059 roberta.brock@pnc.com IAAP- International Association of Administrative ProfessionalsLouisville Every 2nd Thursday • 5pm 4007 Kresge Way, 2nd Floor Paula Kessler 502.495.5116 Paula_Kessler@kyfbins.com www.iaap-louisville.org Legal Secretaries of Louisville Every 3rd Tuesday • 11:30am Jefferson Club, 20th flr 2000 PNC Plaza Darlene Kelly 502.568.5761 darlene.kelly@skofirm.com www.legalseclou-ky.org

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MLWPC- Metropolitan Louisville Women’s Political Caucus Every 3rd Thursday • 5:30pm City Cafe 505 West Broadway Angie Wallace akwallace0818@ yahoo.com www.mlwpc.org NAWBO- National Association of Women Business Owners Every 3rd Tuesday info@nawbolouisville.org www.nawbolouisville.org National Association of Women in Construction Every 2nd Monday • 5:30pm Breckinridge Inn 2800 Breckinridge Lane Patty Stewart 812.288.4208 #121 Network Now Every 2nd Friday • 11:45am UofL campus – University Club Kim Fusting 502.267.7066 kimins@bellsouth.net Take It To Fame Network Every 2nd Tuesday • 6pm-7:30pm Location Varies; check website Sharon Wimberly 502.500.9394 takeittofamenetwork.com

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Health Care Service Group 400 West Market Street, Suite 1800 Louisville, KY 40202 502.681.0682 • jlelliott@stites.com If you work in the health care industry you have probably been familiar with the HIPAA Privacy Rules for a number of years. What you may not know is that the Privacy Rules have been substantially revised in the past year and now place more onerous restrictions on those businesses and vendors that work with the health care industry. The extended rules even go so far as to drastically regulate, for the first time, a large number of companies who do business with health care providers and health insurance companies. For example, billing companies, transcriptionists, translators, software maintenance companies, attorneys, and accountants are now required to implement many of the same HIPAA policies and procedures that their health care provider clients have had in place for years. In addition to increasing fines and penalties by up to $1.5 million per violation, the revised HIPAA rules now also require companies to directly contact patients (as well as the media and federal government in certain circumstances) regarding many incidents which may compromise the privacy of a patient’s information.

WIN- Women in Networking IV Every 3rd Tuesday • 11:30am Breckinridge Inn 2800 Breckinridge Lane Lindsey Davis 502.727.9003 info@win4louisville.org Women’s Council of Realtors Every 3rd Thursday • 11:30am Wildwood Country Club 5000 Bardstown Rd. Kathy McGann 502.552.3090 jshaber@venturetg.com

All listings are on a per month basis To list your meeting free of charge in calendar, email us at info@iamtodayswoman.com or fax at 502.327.8861 your meeting date, time, and location, with contact phone number and website. Deadline for inclusion is 5 weeks prior to issue date (e.g. June 25 for August issue).

400 West Market St • Suite 1800 Louisville, KY 40202-3352 502.587.3400 • Fax 502.387.6391 www.stites.com — This is an Advertisement —

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W o m e n ’ s P o w e r B u z z

Her View

by cathy zion Publisher

If Only It Were So! D

o my eyes deceive me? Can it finally be true? In 2008, women earned 8 percent more than men in their same age group, according to a recent study by a New Yorkbased research firm. Whoopee… whoaaa… whoops…don’t be so fast to kick up your red-patent heels in celebration. This study was just for women between the ages of 22 and 30 with no children. The research cited several sociological changes which impacted the findings. Women are much more likely to earn their undergraduate or graduate degree than men which certainly gives them a stiletto up on the corporate ladder. They are also waiting later to marry and even later to start a family.

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The study by Reach Advisors is also quick to point out that there is still a discrepancy between what women and men are paid for doing the same job. Overall, women are earning 80 percent of what men earn. For younger women — those in their 20’s — the gap narrows to about 90 percent. As you might guess, the statistics are even worse in Kentucky. According to the Louisville Office for Women, the mean income for women is $37,689 while the mean for men if $55,083. That’s a pathetic 68% which indicates our earnings are sliding down that elusive ladder. And while over 6 percent of those earning the top dollars at Fortune 500 companies are women, this isn’t reflected locally. According to a recent Business First report, out of the top 50 highest paid executives of local publically traded companies in 2009, only one was a woman and she has since resigned. Why is pay equity so elusive? Some advocate that there are really three groups — men, women with children, and women without children. As noted, the trends for childless women indicate they’re on the same pay scale with men. Then they take time off to become mothers, their hours drop when they return, and their pay does the same. An article in Businessweek last year said this ‘motherhood penalty’ equated to working mothers earning $11,000 less per year than their female counterparts without children. And then she gets hit with the double-whammy as their health care and child care increase, further weakening her disposable income. The problem is pervasive. Most agree, according to a recent Harris poll which found that “seven in ten Americans (69%) say that women often do not receive the same pay as men for doing exactly the same job. Three in five U.S. adults (62%) agree that women are often discriminated against in being promoted for supervisory and executive jobs.” These same individuals however also believe there are more important issues to address. “Three-quarters of U.S. adults (74%) agree that they do not think gender equality is perfect, but there are more pressing issues to fix first. And men and women are in agreement on this (74% of men agree as do 75% of women),” according to the Harris poll. But hey… “It’s the economy stupid!” And women represent over half of the economy so it seems past time to address pay equity. We need to kick butt with our pointed-toe pumps and pound the pavement with our mules to support candidates and corporations who are supportive of this essential economic issue. t o d a y ’ s

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Hello, Breast Cancer, I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t want to spend time with you. Please go away.

Goodbye, Breast Cancer!

Breast CanCer supplement 2010 sponsored By

B re as t Ca n ce r Su p p l e m e nt O c to b e r 2010

Once you have been away, stay away.

Hello, Breast Cancer…

“I just want to deal with it and get it behind me…”

B re as t Ca n ce r Su p p l e m e nt O c to b e r 2010

An itchy mosquito bite led to the discovery of a lump when Brandi Hittle stopped scratching and began to rub the area. “I thought to myself, ‘how could this be? Surely this isn’t a knot,’” she says. Brandi had a double mastectomy and says she never thought twice about having the procedure done.“I didn’t want to take the chance of having one breast removed, and it coming back in the other one.” Hearing words of encouragement from family and a friend and co-worker who also have breast cancer makes the coping easier for Brandi. Before she starts chemotherapy, Brandi says she is researching the various drugs and talking with her co-worker who had also received treatments so she knows what to expect for her first appointment. Accepting help from others and slowing down have been the biggest adjustments Brandi — who is also the mother of three small children — is trying to make.“I would tell someone who is in my situation to try not to be so independent…accept the help, listen to your surgeon, pray, and don’t give yourself a pity party. It is not the end of life.” After chemotherapy, Brandi plans to get breast implants. And while she is anxious to get them, she admits to feeling a certain degree of aloofness.“They are really not all they are cracked up to be,” she says with a laugh.

BrAndI HITTle, 33 Diagnosed 3 months ago

Brandi is wearing: earrings, $5.99; Available at Bliss Handbags and Accessories, 502.423.9882.

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To dAy ’ S Wo m An

B re as t Ca n ce r Su p p l e m e nt O c to b e r 2010

LORI SHEA,

38 Diagnosed 5 months ago

Getting To Know You, Breast Cancer, and it is

time to Go Away! TO dAY ’ S WO M An

“I realized I had to be ready to fight” Lori Shea went from running mini-marathons to undergoing intensive rounds of chemotherapy.“My head was spinning…on the day of the mammogram, I went home and cried, but from then on, I realized I had to be ready to fight,” she says. Lori asked a friend, who was a breast cancer survivor, for help in choosing the right doctor; then her life turned into a rapid succession of events. It began with the mammogram followed with a biopsy, MRI, power port, bone scans, cat scans, muga scan, and her first dose of chemotherapy all within two weeks of her diagnosis. Eventually, she lost all of her hair — including eyelashes and eyebrows — but says it didn’t faze her.“The fact that I gained 10 pounds is what bothers me the most.” Lori says she found all the support she needed in her best friend and running partner Sharon Robertson. Sharon, who is also active in the American Cancer Society’s Making Strides Against Breast Cancer Walk, created a Making Strides team and page on the ACS website called Lori’s Locomotives (www.makingstrides.acsevents.org) in honor of her friend.“She checks on me a lot and offers any help when needed,” Lori says. After her last chemotherapy dose on October 21, Lori plans to have a bilateral mastectomy with reconstruction 2 to 3 weeks later and continue to take the drug Herceptin for 52 weeks. She encourages other newly diagnosed patients to be attuned to their body.“If you need a break or rest, just pay close attention to it and take care of yourself.” w w w.iamtodayswoman.com

Breast Cancer,

For Deanna Judy, losing her breast was the toughest part until she learned she had Stage 4 breast cancer. “I realized I had bigger problems, and this is when it became very real to me that I could lose my life.” After her mastectomy, a PeT Scan showed cancerous spots on her liver and bones. When her oncologist (at the time) told her she wasn’t a good candidate for chemotherapy and said she would try using hormones to treat the problem, Deanna and her husband took the six-hour drive to the Cancer Treatment Centers of America for a second opinion about treatment options. The new oncologist told Deanna he could put the cancer into remission and took her through the conventional methods of treatment which included chemotherapy. To put her body into fighting condition, Deanna switched to a vegan diet, eats organic vegetables, takes herbs and uses alternative methods of healings such as iridology.

You Are Not Going to Stay…

“You need to realize that someone with your type and stage has survived.” B re as t Ca n ce r Su p p l e m e nt O c to b e r 2010

DeANNA JuDY, 45 Diagnosed 1 year ago

Deanna is wearing pants suit by Cynthia Steffe, $140; blouse, $16, both available at Sassy Fox Consignment, 502.895.3711; shoes, $16, available at Off Broadway Shoe Warehouse, 502.897.5232.

To DAY ’ S Wo m AN

Though the past year has been grueling at times, Deanna takes comfort in knowing she can rely on her church, family, and friends when difficulties arise.“They brought me food when I was too sick to get off of the couch…I received 500 cards and have kept every last one of them.” But Deanna’s husband was her biggest supporter. ”He told me repeatedly that everything would be fine, and he told me I was beautiful when I was bald.” on September 27, Deanna looks forward to getting her next PeT scan; if the results are as expected, her port will be removed (she told her doctor she would go ahead and make the appointment to remove the port because she was so optimistic about her results). maintaining a positive attitude, she notes, has gotten her through her first year of breast cancer, and she no longer worries about test results and blood work.“You need to realize that someone with your type and stage has survived. A positive outlook is very important, and I have learned to rely on God for every step I take.” w w w.iamtodayswoman.com

PAt SPAulDing, 55 B re as t Ca n ce r Su p p l e m e nt O c to b e r 2010

Diagnosed 2 years ago

Breast Cancer,

Don’t Plan on Visiting Again Pat is wearing: Tarina Tarantino earrings, $15, available at Luna Boutique, 502.454.7620; Bracha jacket, $114, available at Karen, Of Course 502.425.1111; Marisa Christina blouse, $15, available at Sassy Fox Consignment, 502.895.3711. Some items are only seen on cover photo.

to DAy ’ S Wo m An

“Plan to be a healthy, happy woman.” When Pat Spaulding’s doctor said the word ‘biopsy,’ she knew something was wrong. the results of her mammogram showed Pat had ductal carcinoma in situ, a cancer located in the milk duct walls. Fortunately, the cancer hadn’t spread, but further tests indicated she had ductal hyperplasia in the other breast. After getting advice from several breast cancer survivors and plastic surgeons concerning treatment options, Pat decided to have a bilateral mastectomy. Although her doctor said that the chances of the cancer recurring are very small, she still wonders if it will return. But, talking to other survivors, she says, has boosted her morale and given her hope for a brighter future. “many of the survivors i met at a breast cancer retreat were 2-plus years survivors and they were stage 3 and 4 and they made it.” Pat also says a fellow church member and breast cancer survivor gave her a journal and a book about conquering fear.“She told me it would alleviate the anxiety…i journaled throughout the process and would read what i had written.” Her next step is to become a Reach for Recovery volunteer and maintain a healthy lifestyle. “i would tell someone like me to not be afraid. Be vigilant in taking care of themselves. Follow-up with your appointments, make sure you have a good doctor you can talk to, not live in a dead past or an imagined future.” She adds, “Plan to be a healthy, happy woman.” w w w.iamtodayswoman.com

w w w.iamtodayswoman.com

To day â&#x20AC;&#x2122; s Wo m an

Breast Cancer,

Please Don’t Come Back

B re as t Ca n ce r Su p p l e m e nt O c to b e r 2010

to Day ’ s Wo M an

Getting past the fear of her breast cancer returning is difficult for Kelly McCutcheon — especially when she hears stories of others who haven’t survived the disease. But the phrase, take it one day at a time, has turned into her mantra.“It has been a struggle, but as long as I get to another birthday, I feel like I am winning this battle,” she says. Kelly says her strong family unit and co-workers — many of whom are breast cancer survivors — have been a good source of support and encouragement. since her diagnosis, Kelly has participated in the Making strides against Breast Cancer walk and works fervently to make sure other women are taking care of their health. “Whenever someone tells me they have found something, I tell them to get it checked out…I want them to catch it before it gets worse.” Kelly says she takes pleasure in knowing she can do something to possibly save someone else’s life, and though breast cancer is a continual presence in her life, she is determined not to let it control her. each time Kelly goes to the doctor for her yearly testing, she uses prayer as her tool for lessening the fear.“I just tell myself that I’ve been through it before and I can get through it again if the diagnosis is negative. I just pray and hope for the best. For some reason God is testing me to see how strong I am, and so far I am very strong.”

Kelly McCutCHeon, 40 Diagnosed 3 years Ago

“Here’s to another year that we are still here.” Kelly is wearing: necklace and earring set, $14.99, available at Bliss Handbags and Accessories, 502.423.9882.

w w w.iamtodayswoman.com

Why Won’t You Leave, Breast Cancer?

B re as t Ca n ce r Su p p l e m e nt O c to b e r 2010

how do you move on when the cancer goes away, but comes back? it is an unnerving situation Rhonda Penick has faced many times. Rhonda has metastatic breast cancer, a condition of cancerous cells that expands from the breast to other parts of the body. For the past four years, Rhonda has undergone chemotherapy treatments and has had 35 radiation treatments to get rid of the cancer. Right now she is going through radiation to remove a cancerous lymph node that has formed on the tip end of her left lung, but nothing can shake her optimism. “my faith in God has made me able to sustain.” Rhonda puts that faith in action by counseling breast cancer patients in hopes of giving them the fortitude they need to live a happier life.“When i am in the oncologist office for my regular visit, i talk to the patients there, because i know they are nervous,” she says. and when it comes to effectively dealing with the hard knocks of cancer, Rhonda says it is important to know that cancer isn’t a death sentence.“We should have the faith of a mustard seed and never back down. Be honest about how you feel and don’t change your lifestyle. Continue to do what you’ve always done.” she also has a supportive sister-in-law who takes her to her chemotherapy and doctor appointments regularly since her diagnosis. having caring friends and family, says Rhonda, also play an important role in the mindset of breast cancer patients. To help those who are dealing with breast cancer, she suggests: “Be supportive of your cancer friend. offer words of encouragement on a regular basis, and offer to do stuff for them.”

To daY ’ s Wo m an

Rhonda PeniCk, 53 Diagnosed 7 years ago

“Continue to do what you have always done…” Rhonda is wearing: Tarina Tarantino earrings, $59, available at Luna Boutique, 502.454.7620; shoes, $33, available at Off Broadway Shoe Warehouse, 502.897.5232.

w w w.iamtodayswoman.com

To day â&#x20AC;&#x2122; s Wo m an

Goodbye,

Breast Cancer…

B re as t Ca n ce r Su p p l e m e nt O c to b e r 2010

LuLA BeChT,

50 Diagnosed 13 years ago

These are the words spoken from the mouth of a 13-year breast cancer survivor who is living a peaceful life. Lula had been diagnosed with Stage 2 multifocal breast cancer — a type of cancer present throughout her entire breast.“I think I was more calm than my family…I had three small girls at the time, and I felt like I couldn’t afford to fall apart,” she says. In the earlier years of her diagnosis, Lula admits that she was concerned about the results of the tests she’d have to take annually, but says the worry lessened with each year.“I had a very strong faith and felt like I would get through this,” she says. Lula considers her experience in coping with the cancer to be more of a blessing than a curse.“I don’t miss the person I was before the diagnosis. I feel like I have a better outlook on life and felt like I could be a better mother to my three girls, because I know they are at risk.” As a Reach for Recovery volunteer, Lula is now sharing her story with other breast cancer survivors with the intent of arming them with the same faith and inner strength she has gained over the years.

“I am fearless.”

Lula is wearing: earrings, $8.99; bracelets, $10/ea. All items available at Bliss Handbags and Accessories, 502.423.9882.

By Tiffany White Photos by Chet White Art Direction by Tiffany White and Anita Oldham Design by Kathy Bolger Makeup by Isidro Valencia To dAy ’ S Wo m An

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Living Well

by Bob Mueller

All That’s Expected of Us I have had a recent insight that has helped me live life more completely and more rationally. The insight is that we live between the act of awakening and the act of letting go. request and don’t get results that Each day we awaken to the We’ve been invited to meet our expectations. Trust light of a new day in the world doesn’t mean we will get what we of time. Each night we let go and participate in this life, want when we want it and how surrender to the dark to be taken to be present, one to we want it. Trust means having to play in the world of dreams another, and that’s all enough faith to ask another — where time is no more. and let it go. Letting go doesn’t Living fully is more than just that’s expected of us. mean releasing our grip on life making an appearance, here Our successes may and falling into the abyss below. — today. It’s celebrating our bring us personal Letting go is a gentle process of oneness, our ties to one another, easing the grip on some facet one need for one another’s joy, but our value of our lives: an obsession, a presence to complete our own. as persons lies only character defect, or negative And we can be a celebrant only in our being. It is feelings toward someone. when we’re involved and fully not the things we Awakening and letting go: focused on the experience. they frame each day and each We capture life’s gifts and its accomplish that are life; between them, the journey riches when we are intent on important; it is the where anything can happen, the the moment’s fullness. We miss very act of living that beauty and the frailty. what we most need when our Tonight, our reward for hearts and minds are distracted. is truly important. the day is sleep. To make sleep I am learning that the good life peaceful and relaxing, and filled is to be fully alive in the here and with pleasant thoughts, we can spend time gently closing now each day. our minds to the day’s events. Most days I am fully alive to others. My greatest We can walk down a pleasant, nature-filled path in our challenge is relaxing and letting go at the end of the day. minds. With each step we can move farther away from the When we ask that something be done, do we let go and day’s activities and the many tasks we did or left undone. let the job get done, or do we worry it won’t be done on Look around us. We can see lakes and mountains and time or how we want it? Part of learning to trust others is to hear the soothing sounds of a speeding stream. Nothing is learn when to let go and let other people handle something important now except peace of mind and the hours ahead in in their own way. which our minds will be at peace. We can look back on today and remember requests we My day has been good. I have done well. I am satisfied made. Perhaps we asked an employee for assistance, a child and ready to let sleep overtake me. to do a project, or our partner to do something important. After we made the request, did we let go or were we filled with worry and doubt about whether our request would be Bob Mueller is vice president of Gift Planning at Hosparus, honored? the community hospices of Louisville, Southern Indiana and Tonight we can let go of our requests and trust all will be Central Kentucky. He has three books available: Look Forward Hopefully, The Gentle Art of Caring, and his latest, Create a taken care of. If it is not, that doesn’t mean we can never trust Better World. Bob can be emailed at anyone again. It may mean our request was unreasonable bobmueller@insightbb.com. or other circumstances intervened. It’s okay if we make a w w w . i a m t o d a y s w o m a n . c o m

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Alter

Alter What identity are you revealing with your fashion? With this fall comes trends such as ruffled blouses and great belts. You can become anyone you want â&#x20AC;&#x201D; at least with your outer appearance. We all have more than one identity. Some of us mix our alter egos together and some of us keep them separate. Do your fashion choices reveal or hide your personality?

Omenesa is wearing: John by Teri John Coat, $520; pants, $320; shirt, $300; earrings, $106; shoes by Charles David, $295. All items available at Rodeo Drive, 502.425.8999.

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Egos

By Anita Oldham and Tiffany White Photos by James Moses Styling by Emily Reed Makeup by Isidro Valencia

The Tale of Two Cultures “The American life is a race, and people tend to rush in America. In Africa, people are very content, and family plays a huge role.” Omenesa Chinwe Oruma, 26, is a native of Nigeria, and has lived in Louisville for three years, where she is a woman of inspiration. She cites her occupations as student, gospel singer, preacher, motivational speaker, and entrepreneur. She has competed in American Idol, Gospel Dream, and is working on finishing her first book. If she were in Nigeria: She would be living at home until she gets married (says she “should be married by now with at least one child”). Being in the U.S.: Omenesa says she has to watch what she says here — using “more tactful (words). In Africa, (some words) wouldn’t be called verbal abuse.”

Omenesa is wearing: Head tie, $25, head gear tied by Oremeyi Kareem, owner of Debonaire; necklace and earring set, $50; Wristwatch, $65. All items available at Debonaire African Designs and Clothing, 4022 Bardstown Road, 502.835.3446; debonairedesigns@yahoo.com

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Alter Egos Alter

Not Sweating Three Jobs “My career paths are the same, however, because it’s all about providing a service that helps people cope with something.” Alli Truttmann, 26, is entrepeneur/ business owner of Wicked Sheets, a certified personal trainer, and an Applied Behavior Analysis therapist for kids with autism. The sheets produced by Wicked Sheets (www.sleepwicked.com) are made of wicking fabric for those who perspire while sleeping for a more comfortable night. Her Careers: “As a business owner, I rely solely on myself to make decisions that directly affect my life and my livelihood. As a professional trainer and therapist, I get to serve others, and what I do directly affects the lives of the people I interact with. Dealing: “My approach to anything must be direct and have clearly defined expectations, otherwise you can end up getting taken advantage of and not getting the results you want and need.” She exercises regularly for personal balance and relies on her parents and friends for support. Daily Routine: Up by 5 in the morning; train; work on Wicked Sheets; work with (her clients) the kids until the end of school. Has meals every two hours and at least two showers a day. Challenges: “Over-empathizer.” It’s difficult for Alli not feel for someone else and take on their issues.

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s Alli is wearing: Dress by Milly, $368; tights by Milly, $28; necklace, $278; earring, $58; Jewelry designed by Elva Fields. All items available at Clodhoppers, 502.891.0079.

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Alter Egos Alter Egos Trading Places

“Running into a burning building is much easier than what I do now.”

Roxanne Hack-Smero, 50, traded in a fire fighter suit for the suit of first-time motherhood at the age of 47. As a Fire Fighter: “The last eight of my 20 years were spent being a Captain of a Fire Company… being responsible for the safety and well being of my crew members while protecting the lives and property of the citizens of the Urban Service District in Metro Louisville.” Career today: Full-time mother, elected position with The Louisville Professional Fire Fighters as secretary/treasurer, “which deals with finances and clerical duties while fighting for the rights, working conditions, and wages for our members.” This term will expire December 1. Being a mother: Her daughter, Shiloh Orene Hack-Smero (3.5 years), has been a gift. “Our lives have changed, but she’s teaching my husband Jeff and me all about life and what it really means.” Challenges: The biggest challenge is “desiring to be the best mom I can be to Shiloh, and accept that sometimes you just learn as you go. Fighting the ‘fire’ tetrahedron is easy!”

Roxanne is wearing: Coat by Juicy Couture, $398; pants by J Brand, $168; shirt by C&C, $64. Items available at Clodhoppers, 502.891.0079. Boots by Stuart Weitzman, $675. Available at Rodeo Drive, 502.425.8999. Shiloh is wearing: Funtasia Too Smock dress, $51; Acvisa legging, $20; LaMour shoes, $32. All items available at JB & Me, 2400 Lime Kiln Lane, 502.339.1188.

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Closet Rehab

Socks, Tights, and Undergarments By Wendy Anguiano Photos by Melissa Donald

t is typically considered a faux pas to wear socks that show, however, this season it is probably the coolest trend to try. Socks have been all over the runway with John Galliano for Christian Dior showing sheer and sexy socks paired with cocktail dresses and metallic heels. Alexander Wang displayed a sporty kneehigh sock, matching it with masculine tailored outfits in neutral tones. Then there was Christopher Bailey, designer for Burberry, who styled his socks with chunky, strappy shoes. To interpret socks from runway to everyday, keep the look simple and unfussy. Add a pair of short colored socks with heels and a black dress. For daytime, keep it neutral.

Try a drawer nook organizer for help. $10.99/2 . Available at Linens ’n Things and Bed, Bath, & Beyond. Stocking & Panty-hose organizer by Household Essentials $8.99 at www.organize.com

Storage of these “under cover” garments can somehow take over and consume our drawers. It is vital to keep your sock storage free of clutter and organized into compartments. Any of these drawer organizers from www.organizeit-online.com will work. You can also purchase similar products at your local Target, Wal-Mart, Kmart, or Meijer. Proper storage of your undergarments will help provide them with longer life and will provide you with ease in locating the perfect piece.

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To further care for your precious items, here are some suggestions: • B e sure your manicure is up to code. Broken nails and unkempt hangnails can snag tights, hose, and even socks. • Remove rings before putting on hose. • S crunch one leg of your hose or tights at a time; pull them up from your toes. • Do not sit on materials that can snag your hose or tights such as concrete. • Clear nail polish, hairspray, or white-out will repair a snag. • Wash hosiery by hand. • Do not iron hosiery. • Do not wring dry.

Win a Home Office Makeover WORTH $1,000

Write us a note about your home office and why it needs a makeover (less than 150 words). Also attach a photo of your home office showing why it needs help. Send entry by October 15 to:

homeofficemakeover@todayspublications.com You can also enter by sending to: Home Office Makeover Today’s Woman magazine 9750 Ormsby Station Road, Suite 307 Louisville KY 40223 Makeover by Closets by Design w w w . i a m t o d a y s w o m a n . c o m

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SMART

Styles

Plainview Cleaners

October is Pink Tuesdays month! Bring in pink garments on Tuesdays in October and we will donate $1*. Pink breast cancer bracelets available for $1 each (proceeds donated*). Every new route customer that signs up during October will receive $10 FREE dry cleaning and we will donate $10*. Plainview Cleaners is helping in the fight against breast cancer. *Susan G. Komen for the Cure Louisville Four convenient locations:

1261 S. Hurstbourne Parkway – Plainview 426.0892 2415 Lime Kiln Lane 339.9970 6546 W. Hwy 22 – Crestwood 241.4591 LaGrange Shopping Center – LaGrange 222.9223

Owen & Annette Harp and Flute Duo Elegant Music for any Special Occasion 1.812.752.9831 —ADVERTISEMENT—

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Styles The Bridal Suite of Louisville We’ve Moved!

Now formally announcing we’ve relocated to 9948 Linn Station Road The Plainview Village Center (at Hurstbourne and I-64). Visit our website to see a full list of designers, or call for your appointment.

Korrect Optical

New gowns arriving daily.

4036 Dutchmans Lane • 4747 Dixie Highway 502.895.2020 • www.korrect.com

Save $50 off any wedding dress with this Today’s Woman ad (must present ad at purchase). 9948 Linn Station Road Louisville, KY 40299 502.244.2909 www.thebridalsuiteoflouisville.com

Slip into Fall in designer style with dazzling eyewear during Korrect Optical’s Fall Trunk Show, October 15th & 16th at the Dupont location. Save with Show pricing and shop the newest line from top designer Tom Ford (a Korrect exclusive), along with Kenneth Cole, Vera Wang and others!

Sophie’s Fine Yarn Shoppe Sassy Fox Upscale Consignment Specializing in name brand and boutique/designer Brands.

Look great and save money. 150 Chenoweth Lane • St. Matthews 502.895.3711

Visit, browse, and let us assist you with all your knitting and crocheting needs. Our shop is conveniently located in the Stonefield Square Shopping Center next to the Fresh Market.

Open 7 days with a wide selection of yarn and accessories. 10482 Shelbyville Rd. Louisville, KY 502.244.4927 www.sophiesfineyarn.com

Classes available.

Two Chicks and Company Jewelry & Gifts Celebrate the season with the perfect gifts and home accents from Two Chicks and Company —

Your one stop, FUN, shopping experience! 12121 Shelbyville Road Louisville, KY 502.254.0400 www.twochicksandcompany.com —ADVERTISEMENT—

A Taste of Kentucky

Style Calendar October 1-31

Based on a 56-year-old family recipe at Kern’s Kitchen — the makers of Derby Pie — their new Golden Pecan Pie is a southern classic done right. It’s the perfect ending to a perfect meal!

Absolute Skin Care, Salon & Med Spa L’ANZA Conditioning Treatment $15. Pedicure $25. Call today … 493.7300 October 1-31

The Bridal Suite of Louisville special:

50 off any wedding gown $599$799; $100 off any gown $800 and over. $

502.244.2909 October 1-31

Mine & Yours Consignment & Boutique $5 off any purchase. 502.891.0246 October 1-31

Sassy Fox Upscale Consignment 10% off entire purchase every Thur. 4-8pm. 502.895.3711

Downtown in the Aegon Center 400 West Market Facing 4th St. 502.566.4554

Mall St. Matthews by the Women’s Dillard’s 502.895.2733

Absolute Skin Care, Salon & Med Spa Our goal is to help you look and feel your Absolute best through a variety of skin care and massage services. Facials • Massages • Body Treatments

Laser treatments by Dr. Vo Hair Removal • Laser 360/Pixel Skin Rejuvenation • Skin Resurfacing

October Special: Exfoliation Body Scrub $59. Facial Pumpkin Scrub $50. 8603 Citadel Way, Suite 105 • Jeffersontown 502.493.7300 • www.absolute-skin.com

October 1-31

Sophie’s Fine Yarn Shoppe Classes available. Call for information.

502.244.4927 October 1-31

TotalMed Spa

15% off Medically Guided Weight Loss program. Call for appointment.

502.895.2120

October 5, 12, 19 & 26

Plainview Cleaners

We will donate $1 for every PINK garment received to Susan G. Komen for the Cure Louisville. See our 4 locations on page 46. October 15 & 16

Korrect Optical

Fall Trunk Show at the Dutchmans Lane location. Save with show pricing.

502.895.2020

October 24, 1-5pm

Two Chicks and Company

Percentage of all sales to benefit The Kids’ Center for Pediatric Therapies fundraiser.

502.254.0400

TotalMed Spa

Now offering a revolutionary new weight loss program! Lose 1/2 to 2 lbs a day, lose from your CORE, reset your metabolism and maintain the loss! TotalMed Spa has a full menu of spa services including injectables/fillers! We offer Botox® and Dysport® at the lowest prices in Kentuckiana. TotalMed Spa

Totally for you! 4900 Shelbyville Road 502.895.2120

Mine & Yours Consignment & Boutique Think Pink Fleur de lis ! Over 75 Different Items — New Accessories, New gift items, Handbags, & Like New Brand Name Apparel. TWO LOCATIONS:

106½ Fairfax Ave., St. Matthews Mall St. Matthews 502.891.0246 (Across from Justice) Mon – Sat 10 -5:30 www.mineandyoursconsignment.com —ADVERTISEMENT—

Catch Sight Worry is a physical, biological, or emotional reaction to something that isn’t happening now.

of the

Beautiful

Story & photos By Barbara MacDonald

hat’s how a lecturer I heard recently defined it. He’s right. When we worry we are not living in the present, our thoughts are stuck in the future with what might happen, what could happen, what will probably happen, and what might not ever happen. We’re programmed, I think, to worry. Some of us carry it like a badge of honor. My mother is famous for saying “You know me, I worry,” as if it’s a job that needs to be filled. No matter how many stress reduction techniques we use, worry can still seep into our minds. I worry about my soldier son in Afghanistan, my mother’s health, the economy…if we want to, we can find all sorts of things to worry about. Author Leo Buscaglia, who lectured on happy relationships, said worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy. Don’t Worry About Your Hair It’s October and the season is changing. What does that mean for your hair? Some color experts will tell you that now is the time for darker blondes, richer browns, and deeper reds. Travis McKay, stylist at Images on Grinstead Dr., says going darker for the colder months is a choice, but if you’ve been wearing the same color for while, Fall is a good time to evolve and update your look. Travis loves brunette shades because he says most people look better with darker hair. Color, he says, is subjective and you should choose a shade that matches your skintone, lifestyle, and personality. Travis frequently uses Goldwell’s Blonding Crème to add beautiful highlights and contrast to darker shades. If you do choose to go darker this season, Travis suggests updating your make-up and wardrobe too. Colors that looked great with your lighter shade might not stand up to the new deeper hue. The Economy Hit Hair Salons, Too While Travis recently updated my brunette locks, we talked about the effect the economy is having on hair salons and the choices clients are making. I asked for a color and cut that wouldn’t require me to be back in six weeks, and Travis says I’m not alone. What many of us miss, he fears, is that we can work with our stylist to stay within budget. There are many techniques for coloring and highlighting hair, and for cutting hair that won’t break the bank. Talk to your stylist about how you can have the color or style you want, without going broke. Some clients alternate appointments, coming in one month for the cut, and another month for the color. There is a workable solution, so give your stylist the opportunity to create it. Travis McKay can be found at Images Salon, 2501 Grinstead Drive, 502.456.997, www.ImagesSalonLouisville.com

Travis McKay, of Images Salon, says before changing your hairstyle think about whether you’re willing to blow-dry, flat-iron, or use a curling iron to make the style work. A good stylist can find the right cut for you whether you want wash-n-go hair or something that requires styling.

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Catch Sight

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Beautiful

Listen to Abe I often walk at Waterfront Park and always stop to look at Ed Hamilton’s Abraham Lincoln memorial. Installed in 2009, the memorial includes information about the former president’s life as well as some of his more famous quotes. While working on this article I couldn’t help but wonder what Abe would have said about worry. I found this:

“Do not worry; eat three square meals a day; say your prayers; be courteous to your creditors; keep your digestion good; exercise; go slow and easy. Maybe there are other things your special case requires to make you happy, but my friend, these I reckon will give you a good lift. “

I’d say that’s pretty good advice.

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Foundation Worry-Free Foundation Application A recent conversation with Kelley Littrell at Clinique inside Dillard’s at Mall St. Matthews inspired me to try a new technique for applying foundation. Kelley says many people are switching from sponge or finger application to a foundation brush because it offers better coverage with less waste and less mess. Clinique’s foundation brush runs about $20 and looks just like the paint brushes we all used in elementary school with those tempera paints. The bristles (a combo of natural and synthetic) absorb less foundation than a sponge, so more of the product makes it to the canvas that is your skin. You can control the coverage better too, since your first coat will likely be a thin one – you can add multiple coats until you get just the right coverage. The best part is the brush allows for smooth, even and thin coverage, so you can get the results you want without it feeling like you have a ton of foundation on. There are special cleansers you can buy for all your makeup brushes, but dish soap or shampoo work well too. One friend puts hers in her dishwasher. I prefer to clean them in the bathroom sink with a little shampoo and then air dry. Worry Lines Go Bye-Bye Kelley also told me about a new Clinique product that promises to deliver results almost as good as a laser treatment in a dermatologist’s office. Launched just last month, the new Repairware Laser Focus Wrinkle and UV Damage Corrector is a serum used twice daily after cleansing and before sunscreen or other products that delivers

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Here’s a look at different levels of foundation coverage based on how it was applied. On the left, foundation was applied to the mirror using fingers. In the middle I used a sponge, and on the right, the results of the brush application.

63 percent of the wrinkle and sun damage reduction offered by Erbium lasers in a doctor’s office, according to Clinique. Marketing materials say those results are after 12 weeks of continuous use, but after only four weeks you’ll see results. Unlike many other serums and face products, Laser Focus is designed to be used all over the face including the eye area. Besides costing much less than a laser treatment, the $45 bottle won’t cause redness or inflammation, or need recovery time as is common with many laser services. Until Next Month Barbara is a Louisville-based writer and photographer who lives downtown with her husband and 10-year-old twin sons, 3 cats, and 3 hermit crabs. She’d love to hear from you. Write her at Barbara@todayspublications.com

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story & photos by melissa donald

Monthly Muffin

Don’t Worry Muffin With Pumpkin, Cranberries, and Walnuts

Why worry? This I

question has been proposed to me time and time again.

RECIPE >>>

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f you knew me, then you would know I am a worrier. That’s what I do, and I do it very well — thank you very much. However, I haven’t found one benefit to worrying, and I most likely never will. For example, my car broke down and was towed to the garage, again! Well, I found myself worrying all weekend about it. But did my worrying get my car fixed any faster? That weekend of worrying about my car, I missed out on thoroughly enjoying the weekend; my attitude was heavy and glum, and in no way did it speed up the process of getting my car fixed. So, how is the ‘Don’t Worry Muffin’ going to help? Well, it’s a wonderful conglomerate of several ingredients high in the vitamin B department — in particular, vitamin B5, also known as the “anti-stress” vitamin. I just so happened to create this muffin that very weekend, due to the fact I was without a car. I find a stress releaser for me is to cook and bake. It focuses my attention in a more positive direction. Fortunately, for me and my housemates, the end result turned out fabulously. The ‘Don’t Worry Muffin’ is also seasonal. The key ingredients are pumpkin, cranberries, walnuts, and coconut flakes. Sounds a little neurotic, but wait until you try this out! The pumpkin and walnuts provide the highest levels of vitamin B5. The pumpkin, cranberries, and walnuts are also rich in antioxidants. The coconut provides fiber and iron. So, what is there to worry about? Nothing. There is absolutely nothing to worry about. So stop worrying and don’t miss out. Check out this muffin, relax, and enjoy.

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Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t Worry Muffin

With Pumpkin, Cranberries, and Walnuts

11/2 c all purpose white flour 1 /2 c flaxseed meal 1 tsp baking powder 1 tsp baking soda 1 /2 tsp salt 1 tsp cinnamon 1 /2 tsp ground ginger 1 /4 tsp nutmeg 3 /4 c unsweetened flake coconut 1 /2 c packed dark brown sugar 11/2 c canned pumpkin 1 /4 c applesauce 1 /3 c soy, almond, or regular milk 1 Tbsp dark molasses 1 tsp vanilla extract 2 eggs â&#x20AC;&#x201D; room temperature and slightly beaten 1 /2 c dried cranberries 1 c toasted walnuts Preheat oven to 375 degrees Fahrenheit. Prepare a 12-muffin cup tin with either non-stick cooking spray or Crisco. In a medium-size dry frying pan, place the walnuts in the pan so they cover the bottom of the pan evenly. Toast the walnuts on high heat for about 2 minutes â&#x20AC;&#x201D; stirring occasionally. Remove from the pan to stop the toasting process. In a large bowl, whisk together the flour, flaxseed meal, baking powder, baking soda, salt, cinnamon, ginger, nutmeg, and coconut flakes. In a medium bowl, mix together the brown sugar, pumpkin, and applesauce. Let sit for at least 5 minutes and then add the milk, molasses, vanilla, and eggs. Stir together well. Make a well in the bowl with the dry ingredients Nutritional Information: and then add the wet Calories: 294 ingredients. Make a few Protein: 6 g stirs and then add the Total Fat: 15 g (5 grams saturated fat) cranberries and walnuts. Cholesterol: 35 mg Carbohydrates: 38 g Stir until everything is Fiber: 5 g coated. Total Sugars: 12 g Fill each muffin cup to the top and bake in the preheated oven for 12-15 minutes. When a toothpick or cake tester placed down the middle comes out clean, then the muffins are done. Let the muffins sit in the tin for a minute before transferring to a wire rack. These muffins freeze very well.

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H ow Do I S top

orrying? By Jennifer Thompson

here are so many things to worry about. The economy. Job loss. Social Security. The war. Our kids. Sickness. Fire. Eating wholesome, natural, local foods. Cleaning the house. Kidnappers. A plane crashing. Someone taking something you say on Facebook the wrong way. And, of course, looking fit, trim, and stylish, while getting everything else done. With so many opportunities to worry, it’s a wonder any of us sets foot outside our door each day. The worries can be about small things or tragedies with almost no possibility of happening. In spite of the temptation of hiding in bed, there are ways to approach life without the crippling influence of worrying even in the toughest of circumstances. Richard Brien, Dale Carnegie business training instructor of 35 years, and Nathan Thompson, licensed professional clinical counselor, give three surprising tips on how to keep life’s worries in perspective.

RECOGNIZE:

IT’S ALL IN YOUR HEAD Well, about 85 percent of it is. According to both Brien and Thompson, most of what people worry about doesn’t happen or, if it does happen, is out of the person’s control anyway. “Eighty-five percent of life’s circumstances are out of your control,” Brien says. “The other 15 percent is how you react to it.” Brien gives the example of having a sales goal. Say you’re expected to sell 100 units (or answer 100 phone calls or schlep 100 kids around, whatever your job may be) in any given month. It would be easy to become fixated on that number and the enormity of the task, so much so that the worry keeps you from performing your job to the best of your ability. 54

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The problem with this scenario is that all of your thoughts are focused on the seemingly unreachable goal, which is not something you can control, rather than on what you can accomplish in one day. Thompson explains: “Feelings of not being in control lead to obsessing over the potential loss of something important to you.” You worry that if you don’t meet the goal, you’ll lose your job, or if you don’t protect your child from every one of life’s dangers, your child will suffer for years to come. But the reality is that you can’t change the inevitable, and while this is not an excuse to curl up in the corner, it is an invitation to recognize what you can and cannot change and walk away from what you cannot. Do not give thought to the 85 percent, and instead focus on your 15 percent, which is the attitude and work ethic you bring to your job and relationships each day. Brien says it’s okay to have a plan in case disaster strikes, but ultimately you should be satisfied that you put in your best effort and accept that the rest is beyond your control.

“People try to do things to get their adrenaline going, but these activities actually involve the same chemical adrenal responses as worry, so their minds and bodies still end the day with the same state of worry.” Instead of trying to suffocate unwanted thoughts and attitudes, Brien says to give yourself smaller goals and events to look forward to. For example, Brien has given a speech for years entitled “Monday Mornings.” “Sometimes people dread Monday mornings so much that it ruins their Sunday nights,” Brien says. “And then it ruins their Sunday mornings and even their Saturday mornings.” Brien says the key is not to focus on what you’re dreading about Monday morning, but instead be enthusiastic about what

REdirect:

YOU CAN’T GET RID OF A BAD ATTITUDE This perhaps goes against all the notso-gentle directives of the exasperated parents and teachers who dealt with us as teenagers, but Brien says that there is no way to turn an attitude on and off. “You can’t get rid of an attitude. You just have to bring in another attitude to overcome it.” Brien says that people become discouraged when they are hard on themselves for not closing out bad thoughts because they are not approaching the problem proactively. “You can’t help but have negative thoughts and attitudes,” Brien says. “You just have to learn to replace them with something more powerful.” Thompson cautions against some activities that people run to as their “more powerful” replacements, such as alcohol and pleasure-seeking activities that are meant to help you forget your troubles. The effects of too much alcohol are obvious, but Thompson goes on to say that high-energy activities won’t mask feelings of worry. w w w . i a m t o d a y s w o m a n . c o m

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you can accomplish that day. Brien defines enthusiasm as your “inner fire” — the contribution you make to your job and your family that no one else can. And, if that still isn’t enough to lighten the pallor of Monday mornings, just remember that Monday Night Football awaits you after work (or Grey’s Anatomy on Thursdays, right, ladies?)

REfocus:

DON’T TRUST YOURSELF TOO MUCH The mantra of my elementary school was always “Be your best.” To make good grades, you just had to be your best. To have the best behavior marks, you just had to be your best. To get the teacher’s attention, you just had to be your best. The message behind the “be your best” mentality in elementary school and beyond is inevitably that you need to work harder, longer, or faster, and that will make everything okay. Thompson says that this attitude of ultra-self-reliance is dangerous because you end up again believing you have control over things you can’t change. “People think if they should be making a dollar more an hour, the solution is to work 20 more hours a week. Or if a relationship is suffering, they think they should pour every spare moment into it.” Either of these extremes leads to an unbalanced life, and Thompson says this often compounds your worries and fears

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because either you end up becoming so enamored with work that you lose your relationships or you become so dependent on others that you lose sight of who you are and what you can achieve. “The healthiest people I know have a healthy distrust of themselves,” Thompson says. “They know their boundaries and limitations and have humility to admit when something is too much for them and they need help.” Thompson encourages people to know that they are not alone in their worries and fears, and it is okay (if not always easy) to rely on others when those overwhelming feelings come. “Tell your friends what’s going on and trust their feedback because they’re in your life for a reason,” Thompson says. “You’re not meant to walk this alone.”

BRINGING THE THREE TO YOUR LIFE No matter what advice or strategies you take, your world is still going to be stressful. And that’s okay because your neighbor’s world is stressful too and so is your boss’s, your spouse’s, and even your kid’s. According to Brien and Thompson, the best approach you can take is to accept the inevitable and to hold on to who you are and what you are capable of. There will always be more to do and more you can accomplish, but the way to have peace with yourself at the end of the day is to know that you have shared your “inner fire” with those around you and what people do with it is up to them.

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by cheryl stuck

HealthyWoman

Stressed into Sickness Barbara Sexton Smith

AGE: 53 • Executive Vice President, Fund for the Arts

photo: Melissa Donald

Author’s note: This is one woman’s story and not intended to serve as medical advice for others.

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fter suffering from several painful physical conditions for over two years, Barbara Sexton Smith decided to take matters into her own hands. She changed her lifestyle in an effort to change her physical destiny. Barbara now believes the source of her physical problems was stress. In 2007, the day after playing in a golf scramble, Barbara said her right arm and shoulder were unusable. “I couldn’t even lift a coffee cup. There was not enough strength.” For the next 18 months, she had X-rays, tests, scans, and discussions of potential surgery, “but I went running every time they started talking about a knife.” Eventually the pain went away and she was okay for awhile. Then one day she was leaving work and her hip went out. “It hurt so bad I couldn’t see straight.” The pain later moved into her other hip and the condition became so painful that she had trouble sitting in her office chair. She didn’t go to the doctor, and it went away after several months. Barbara finally went to an OB/GYN when she suffered a series of attacks in her lower pelvic area. After an ultrasound, the doctor suggested the possibility of cancer. She had ultrasounds every two weeks for an extended period and watched as the growth grew and shrank. Admitting that she has no medical training, Barbara believes that every woman is a mechanic for her own body — she knows her body better than anyone else. “I wasn’t in pain all the time. Life went on. I was still functioning. I was a great wife,

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great mother, great employee…” She asked the doctor if there was a chance her problems could be related to stress and the doctor told her that anything was possible. When Barbara went to an internist for a physical, he told her she had high cholesterol and prescribed three medications. “He told me I was living on borrowed time. I said, ‘Well, doc, what if I change my entire lifestyle?’” He agreed to give her eight weeks to prove she could make a difference on her own. Barbara decided to take a trip to the bookstore instead of the drug store. But she was quick to add, “This is not for everybody. My mother is a nurse, so I’m not second-guessing the medical profession. I recommend that women do the research, get the opinions, and make informed decisions themselves.” Barbara began an exercise routine called P90X. She followed the routine for 133 days straight. She also started following the Fit for Life program which emphasizes eating foods in certain combinations. Barbara said she eats a lot of fruits and vegetables. She avoids anything white, like bread, pasta, and rice. “I started seeing results within the first month. Once I decided I wasn’t going to do any of those (surgical) options, I didn’t have any more problems.” She believes that all compartments of a person’s life are interconnected. She took her spirituality off the shelf, she said, because, “Whatever you believe has to go with you wherever you go.

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“I believe we’re all put on the earth to leave it better than we have it. My mission statement is to instill hope in the heart of everyone I meet.” Her favorite word is hope which is an acronym for Having Only Positive Expectations. Along the way she’s learned other lessons. “I thought I had to do everything. I was the only member of the family that was going to do anything. I felt I had to be that super woman or the whole world would crash.” Now she knows that if you leave it, someone else will pick it up. “And (by doing everything) you’re doing yourself a disservice and also doing a disservice to the other people because you’re not giving them an opportunity to let their light shine.” Barbara has reduced her commitments from serving on 36 boards, commissions, and task force committees, to six. She said, “The rhythm method of worth control is key to who I am. You determine your self-worth by the rhythm you choose every day.” While Barbara never returned to the doctor to get the results of her hard work, she believes she has it licked with a connected strategy. “My faith is once again reinforced. I started taking control and taking care of myself. I’m sitting here today and I don’t have any of those problems. And I don’t have other ones either. I’m not stressed. I’m feeling great.”

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G HI G GNS G Away When You Can’t ThrowHITSH hings NTINS HI S

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By Cheryl Stuck

ompulsive hoarding is a popular subject right now. There are television shows, books, magazine articles, and Oprah all telling us about people who can’t seem to throw or give anything away — from matchbook covers to paper cups to old chicken bones. Their homes are amass with clutter, trash, and in some cases animals and their attendant hair and feces. In its worst manifestation, the hoarder’s environment is unsafe and unsanitary. At its least, compulsive hoarding can impair a person’s ability to shower, sleep, cook, and clean. The road to recovery always starts with the identification of the problem. Lisa Miller, a former registered nurse at a local hospital, was terminated from her job for hoarding unused medical supplies in her locker at work. “I was saving anything and everything: unused bandages, trach ties, stuff that we would run out of and would need on night shift. I was a relief charge nurse in a trauma center. In case of an emergency I wanted stuff there, so instead of throwing it away, I would keep it in my locker. Everybody used it; everybody

THINS

This is the story of one Louisville woman and her struggle to overcome her compulsion to stockpile everything.

T TT

knew that if you needed something really badly, you could go to Lisa’s locker because it was always unlocked. That went on for a really long time until I got caught. You’re not supposed to do that. I was terminated.” Lisa went home crying, and told her sister about her job loss. “My sister said, ‘Well, you’ve got a problem with that here, too. Lisa…look around. You’ve got all this stuff.’” Lisa describes that night as a “revelation.” The sisters began to count her ‘things.’ Among other items, Lisa had 150 candles, 55 batteries, 200 panties, and 600 pens, including some that didn’t work. She realized she needed help, so she went to see psychiatrist Jon Miller. “He asked me a whole bunch of questions. I kept saying yes, I do that, and yes, I do that. He was the first person that got inside my head and knew what I was thinking. I couldn’t believe it.” Dr. Miller diagnosed Lisa with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, and told her that it was a chemical imbalance in the brain. He prescribed Prozac, and Lisa said it changed her life almost instantly. She looked around her apartment and was devastated by what she saw. “I thought, ‘I am really abnormal.’ The reality hit me that I’m really sick and had been living like this for years and didn’t even realize it. I noticed that my way of thinking changed.

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WHY PEOPLE HOARD

I started realizing what my family was talking Psychiatrist Jon Miller, says that hoarding is an obsession. “In their heads, about. Before, they would tell me, but it really they’re protecting themselves from ever being without. There are some people who have been through tough times, and some people just don’t want anything to go to never clicked in my head. That this is abnormal waste — that’s probably the majority.” — I just thought I was messy. “I’m a single person, but I always had to have a HOW YOU KNOW WHEN HOARDING IS A PROBLEM Dr. Miller says, “The line is crossed when the hoarding becomes two-bedroom apartment for all my extra stuff. I a problem for other people. The patient can probably hoard until also had to rent out a garage for all the extra things they fill their house and the floors collapse. But when loved ones I have. My parents wouldn’t come to my house say, ‘Mom you just can’t save one more National Geographic because it’s going to collapse the floor,’ then it becomes a because it was so cluttered.” problem. It’s only a problem if it’s a problem.” When the medication kicked in, Lisa went into action. “I lost 25 pounds right away because I stopped eating compulsively.” She began to clear After a year and a half of therapy, Lisa said, she is still workoff the kitchen table that she hadn’t seen in years because of all ing on the problem, but she’s come a long way. “I have an aislethe clutter on top of it. Then she moved to the living room, a way now and if you want to sit on my couch with me, you can section at a time, one day, cleaning off a table, another day, the because it’s not all cluttered. couch and chair. To tackle a whole room at once was too overLisa has developed strategies to help her keep the number of whelming. her possessions in control. Clothes covered her bed so she always slept on the sofa. “I’ve “Now that I’ve been through therapy, when I go to a store, I gone from a size 26-and-a-half to a size eight, and I still kept all don’t take a whole lot of cash, and I write a list and give myself those clothes that were too big or too little on the bed. I would a time limit. Before, I could be in Wal-mart for two or three hours buy clothes and forget I even bought them and years later find and buy $200- or $300 dollars-worth of stuff that I already had. them with the tags still on them. I never had a yard sale or threw I don’t recognize that I don’t need it. anything away.” “I’m a collector. I have over 7,000 Hot Wheels. That got to be Lisa said the hoarding started slowly. First it took over a bedan obsession. Still, to this day, it’s really hard for me. I collected room, then the kitchen, then part of the steps. Lisa now realizes the them for my nephew — that’s what I said I was doing. It was disease ruined her 10-year marriage. She lost her nursing license after more or less like a treasure hunt trying to find certain kinds or being in the field for 26 years and a registered nurse for 21 years. certain categories. I still have trouble passing up Hot Wheels.”

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Things

NOT TO MISS this month

From Hunger to Hope

Yum! Brands continue to fight world hunger by inviting you to join the movement to end world hunger. Cocktails, dinner, and a live auction will be available along with entertainment from Dan Aykroyd and Jim Belushi as the famous Blues Brothers. All proceeds will go to the United Nations World Food Programme. When  October 9, cocktails @ 6:30pm and dinner @ 7:30pm Where  KY Center for African Americas Heritage, 1701 W. Muhammad Ali Blvd. Contact  For event information and reservations contact 502.874.2880 RSVP by October 2.

The Eagles

Belknap Fall Festival

he title of the first single, lead track, and first hit for The Eagles, (off their eponymous 1972 Eagles debut album) was Take it Easy. And although one doesn’t acquaint those particular three words when describing a rock concert, it is coincidentally, the perfect metaphor when recalling the post-concert vibe left in the stadium by the band credited with being a major force in popularizing the Southern California country rock sound. Desperado, Best of my Love, Lyin’ Eyes, Heartache Tonight, Witchy Woman, not to mention the breathtakingly beautiful ballad I Can’t Tell You Why, sung by band member Timothy B. Schmit, are just a handful of the legendary band’s mega-hits. As recently as 2008, The Eagles won a Grammy Award for How Long. — Gioia Patton

When  October 16 @ 8pm Where  KFC YUM! Center tickets  contact all ticketmaster outlets, or in person at Convention Center or Freedom Hall.

Enjoy crafts, music, and family fun at the 16th annual Belknap Fall Festival as part of the Week in the Highlands celebration. This two-day event includes live music from the Bellarmine University Jazz Band, Iamis, Tenrec, Vessel. and The Commonwealth. When  October 8 @ 6pm and October 9 @ 11am Where  Douglass Loop area off of Bardstown Road tickets  Free

Susan G. Komen Louisville Race for the Cure

Honor the survivors and remember those who lost their battle with breast cancer in this 5K running/ fitness walking series. Come for music, fun, and food while helping to raise money and awareness for the fight against breast cancer. When  October 9 @ 6:45am Where  Waterfront Park, South Great Lawn Contact  www.komenlouisville.org

St. James Art Show

It’s time for the 54th annual St. James Art Show featuring 750 artists from North America. This famous Louisville tradition is back. Come to the heart of Old Louisville for food, music, and art. When  October 1-3 @ 10am Where  St. James Court, Old Louisville admission  Free

photo: Art Streiber

 connections

Arianna Huffington Kentucky Author Forum

o-founder of The Huffington Post, syndicated columnist and radio co-host, Huffington’s latest book is 2010’s Third World America: How Our Politicians Are Abandoning The Middle Class And Betraying The American Dream (Crown Publishing).

— Gioia Patton

October 11, 5pm: Carmichael’s book sale, wine & cheese provided by Brown Forman. 6pm: interview. 7pm: Q&A with audience and book signing. 8:15pm: Dinner in Kentucky Center East Room with author and interviewer Where  Kentucky Center’s Bomhard stage (The Bomhard Theatre is handicapped accessible) tickets  $17– event only, $100 — event and dinner Contact  KC box office — walk-up or drive-thru, or by calling 502.584-7777 or 800.775.7777 or www.kentuckycenter.org When 

‘Til Beth Do Us Part Bunbury Theatre

rom the authors of Dearly Departed and Christmas Belles, comes a new comedy by Jessie Jones, Nicholas Hope, and Jamie Wooten. Whether you’re married, single, rethinking your divorce or currently being controlled by someone up to no good, you’re sure to enjoy this family-friendly comedy. “We’re fortunate to get the right to this work,” remarks Bunbury’s Producing Artistic Director, Juergen Tossman. “The play is a hilarious look at relationships and mistaken identities with a few madcap antics thrown in. It’s one of those plays that Bunbury loves to tackle…”

— Gioia Patton

October 7-24, evening and matinee performances Where  Henry Clay Building, 604 South 3rd St. tickets  general admission-$21, seniors (ages 62 and up) $18, students (with ID) $16, and children (under 13) $10. Contact  www.bunburytheatre.org or 502.585.5306 to make reservations. *Handicapped accessible When 

If you would like to include your event in our upcoming issue, send it to Calendar@iamtodayswoman.com. Please include a hi-res jpeg image (photo should be 300 dpi at 4x6 size). We must receive your information at least 6 weeks in advance. No phone calls, please.

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Dracula

A reminder that not all vampires are sparkly and sweet. Enjoy one of the world’s most spine tingling stories live onstage. When  Now through October 31 Where  Actor’s Theatre tickets  $20 Contact  502.584.1205

Caulfield’s Halloween Parade

Enjoy the sweetest, scariest, and funniest costumes in Louisville as they march down Bardstown Road. See floats, marching bands, and even stilt walkers in celebration of the world’s spookiest holiday. When  October 8 @ 7pm Where  Bardstown Road in front of Mid City Mall admission  For admission information, visit www.baxterparade.com When  October 8 @ 6pm and October 9 @ 11am Where  Douglass Loop area off of Bardstown Road admission  Free

Butterflies and Bling

he two go together like bird’s of a feather. Butterflies and Bling is a New-York style fashion show that benefits the Heuser Hearing & Language Academy, and it’s coming to the The Henry Clay. Mary F. Glasscock, owner of Glasscock and Chic Boutiques, will be lending her support for this event, bringing with her clothes and accessories from Fashion Week in New York. While these items will not be featured in the fashion show, they will be available for purchase afterward. Sug Schusterman, Heuser board member and organizer, says, “Mary F has always been a gracious supporter of Heuser, and her generosity and forward thinking with this event is so much appreciated. We needed a new fundraiser this year, and Mary F stepped up to the plate and has thrown all of her resources into it.” Over 500 people are expected to attend. Stop by for food, fun, and fashion. October 21 @ 6:30pm Where  The Henry Clay tickets  $45 per person and include an open bar and heavy hors d’oeuvres. Tables for eight (8) along the runway are available for $599 Contact  502.515.3320.

When 

— Maggie Nelson

Association of Women Dentists, Mr. Pretty in Pink Pageant

To help provide dental care for the people at the Center for Women and Families, come by and support this event. Helping others isn’t the best part; there will be a male pageant to support the cause. The fundraiser will establish a dental care fund at the University of Louisville School of Dentistry. When  October 16 @ 7:30pm Where  Clifton Center For more information Contact  ayboyl01@louisville.edu

Bardstown Bound

Baxter Avenue will open their doors for an All-Day Boofest. There’s all day trick-or-treating and shopping with discounts on so many items it’s scary! Stop in the local restaurants and bars for great food and live music. When  October 23 @ 12pm Where  Bardstown Road, Baxter Avenue Contact  502.721.8636 or email simplypr@aol.com

18th Century Market Fair

Go back in time and see life as it was from 1765 to 1792. The Historic Locust Grove was once home to William and Lucy Clark Croghan, the brother-in-law and sister to Louisville’s founder General George Rogers Clark. Participate in family fun, purchase replicas of 18th century items, and watch performers recreate battles for our independence. When  October 30 and 31 @ 10am Where  Historic Locust Grove admission  $3, $5, and $6 Contact  502.897.9845. w w w . i a m t o d a y s w o m a n . c o m

So You Think You Can Dance

was hooked from season one of this FOX-TV dance competition, which twice a week for months had me glued to my television and biting my nails in worry, least my favorite dancer be eliminated. One final text/telephone voting count by millions ultimately crowned that season’s winner and with it $250,000, the cover of Dance Spirit magazine, and for season seven winner Lauran Froderman, (who was my pick from the beginning!) the honor of being the first dancer/athlete representing Gatorade in their G-Spirit print campaign. This tour is unique in that it not only showcases the talents of seven of the season seven Top 10 finalists, but also, for the first time, six finalists from previous seasons ( known as ‘All Stars’), including Courtney and Allison, and Season 6 winner, Russell.

— Gioia Patton

October 23 @ 7:30pm Where  KFC YUM! Center tickets  $37.50-$55 Contact  all ticketmaster outlets in person or www.ticketmaster.com or online at www.AEGLive.com When 

Louisville Ballet

ouisville ballet Artistic Director Bruce Simpson selected this group of diverse ballets to create an exciting, mixed-rep program featuring three company premieres, including The Seasons by Val Caniparoli, with music by Glazunov. This co-commission with Pacific Northwest Ballet, explores the beauty and mystery of nature over the course of four seasons. Jörg Mannes’ März and Marco Goecke’s Mopey (featuring PNB dance James Moore), two contemporary works, are paired with Grande Pas Classique from Marius Petipa’s Raymonda to form a rich and varied program that explores ballet from the 19th through the 21st centuries.

— Gioia Patton

October 22-23, 2 evening and 1 Saturday matinee performances Where  Kentucky Center’s Whitney Hall tickets  LB box office in person or by phone 58-DANCE or at the Kentucky Center box office. When 

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Wrigley Writes

By Wrigley with help from Bridget K. Smith

My Pet Needs a Shrink? Have you ever seen a dog endlessly chasing his tail but never catching it? How about a cat jumping 10 feet into the air from a standing position, then to the window, then to the kitchen table and ricocheting off of the couch just to do it again and again?

t’s very possible these animals are responding to receiving internal neurochemical rewards. Obsessive-compulsive might be the label of choice. And if this behavior or other erratic behavior goes to higher levels with consequences, then it may be time to have a one-on-one with Dr. Doolittle. Fear and anxiety in animals is exhibited through body language and distinct sounds that they make. For instance, I have a fear of thunder and lightning. When a storm is approaching I start to dig a hole in the floor, bathtub or wherever I am standing at the moment just to get away. Soon after, anxiety sets in when I realize the hole ain’t happening. Then I start to shake and tremble and usually end up in the bathtub hiding from Mr. Thunder. My guardian takes action to help calm me down during these stressful times. Playing CDs designed specifically to help reduce stress in animals does the trick. It helps to drown out the loud thunder. But for some animals like Sam, the dog — whose reactions were extreme — requires medication along with a “hands-on” approach in dealing with their issues. Sam was just a puppy when spotted alongside a highway, delighting in the delicacies of a deer carcass. He was emaciated. He was taken to and treated by several veterinarians including Dr. Missy Jewell of All Pets Veterinarian Center. It was during this time that Sam would discover his forever-friend and life guardian, Katie Peckenpaugh.

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The two black and brown BIG dogs are Hannah (female) and Grady (male).Their breed is Greater Swiss Mountain.

photo: Melissa Donald

Katie possesses years of experience being a veterinarian technician. And though little Sam improved physically, a new problem arose. When crate training was being introduced to Sam, Katie would notice that Sam’s bed was wet. Not with urine, but saliva. His panting out of distress was causing him to drool excessively. This is just one trait of many known as hyperkinesis. Then he began to chew everything in sight in and around the crate, including doorknobs. “Animals can develop a neurosis just like people” states Dr. Jewell. She recalls a few cases where she has treated birds (parrots and cockatiels) who have plucked out their own feathers. As for Sam, after daily attempts of re-training with positive reinforcement and consistency, Katie observed that Sam’s thought process was erratic. Enter Reconcile — better known as “puppy Prozac.” Reconcile is a newly reformulated version of the antidepressant Prozac, known generically as fluoxetine. For Sam and many other pets like him, it has helped find a “harmonious” balance in everyday life.

Hannah (4-year-old female Greater Swiss) exhibited fears and unacceptable behavior in public which caused Katie to stop showing her in dog shows for one year. During that time she worked with positive re-enforcement training at home. She now is a mascot who joyfully wears hats upon occasion and pulls a red wagon to ham it up in public.

In Sam’s case Reconcile helps his erratic behavior to slow down, so the training has a chance to “sink in.” His attention span is much better in gaining focus and trust in his guardian and his distress level is lowered. To date, his only chewing involves eating his daily meal, toys, and well-deserved treats. If you suspect any aspect of your pet’s behavior to be on an extreme or neurotic level, discuss it with your veterinarian to make the first steps in discovering exactly what’s eating Fido and how best to approach and treat the situation.

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Dating Dilemmas

By Caitlin Gaynor

Get Along With The Mom 101

he big day has come. The man of your dreams has asked you to meet his mother. Breathe. Try not to panic and take some tips from these mothers who are particular on what they want in a potential “future daughter-in-law.”

1. Be Yourself One mom said, “There is nothing more annoying than a girl who is trying to impress me.” Don’t talk about things just because you know she likes them. Be genuine with her. It’s important to laugh, be yourself, and relax. Moms can spot a phony from a mile away.

2. Don’t Force Into the Family Technically you are just the girlfriend at this point. Don’t overdo it and try to be best friends with everyone in the family. One mom said, “Just because you are the girlfriend doesn’t mean you are part of the family. There is no entitlement yet.” This doesn’t just mean the parents…siblings, too. One mom said that one girlfriend tried to be buddy-buddy with the little sister. She thought, “Who are you? She just met you.”

3. Start Slow Don’t try to become his mom’s best friend after the first month. This is very important because moms want to get to know you slowly. Don’t try to call her just to chat or go shopping. One mom said, “Build a strong relationship with my son first, and the rest will follow.” Let the mom make the first move. She will begin a relationship with you when she is ready.

4. Be Your Own Woman Don’t be dependent on your man financially, socially, emotionally, etc. One mom said, “I want the relationship to be built on love because that’s the only thing that lasts.” Moms like to see a girl who has her act together. Another mom said, “I like a girl who is secure with herself. Not a girl who has to have my son or she can’t survive.”

5. Be Respectful You are the “new” girl in the bunch, so keep a respectful relationship with every family member. Stick to calling them by formal Mr. and Mrs. names unless they tell you otherwise. A special thanks to the wonderful moms who helped me with this column. I loved hearing your opinions and chatting with you all.

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Reach more than 150,000 readers each month. Adver tising rates as low as $ 408. For more information call 502.327.8855

f MAKEOVER By Tiffany White Photos by Melissa Donald

Less Is More

TAMARA REIF

Sr. Director of Client Services, The Center for Women and Families

Before

After Her Story  Tamara Reif wanted to know how she could update her look without sacrificing naturalness. Brianna Gordon, manager and master stylist at Gregory Michaels Salon (2015 Longest Avenue, 502.459.9434), showed her what to do starting with a few basic changes to her hair color. Since Tamara wanted to keep her hair blonde, Brianna enhanced it using a highlight and lowlight. The lowlight, says Brianna, was two shades darker than her current hair color and helped to add nice dimension. Her Hair Choosing this type of color combination, says Brianna, will keep the color looking natural even after the roots have grown out. Brianna took off a little length and softened up the layers she already had to give the hair more movement and body. She applied Bumble & Bumble Thickening Spray ($24) to the hair while it was damp, then blow dried the hair in sections using a medium-size round brush. Brianna used the Bumble & Bumble Brilliantine ($21) on the ends of her hair to give it shine and a piecey look; then finished it with hair spray. Her MAKEUP: For her face, Brianna used tinted moisturizer to even out her skin tone and applied highlighter under the eyebrow and above the cheekbone. “This brightens up the skin and gives it a little more definition,” she says. Brianna used bronzer underneath her cheekbone and on her forehead, nose, and chin. She chose earthy tones in taupe and brown for her eyes, then smudged brown pencil liner across the lash line to make her eyelashes look fuller. Brianna finished her look with pink gloss. Nominate Someone for a Makeover!

Do you know someone who is in dire need of a makeover? Each month, we are on the prowl for good candidates to highlight, and we would love to hear from you! Send a brief note about why your friend deserves a makeover and a photo of her to tiffany@todayspublications.com

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READ THESE SPECIAL ONLINE-ONLY ARTICLES

TW ONLINE SPECIAL

An Arts Insider Interview

By Gioia Patton

PAULA DEEN

Success From Scratch “I really do believe that the American Dream is still out there, although right now, America’s livin’ in a moment of ‘instant,’ I think. (You) want to win the lottery with an instant scratch-off, but your chances are much better at rollin’ up your sleeves and really makin’ a commitment to whatever your passion is.” Photo Courtesy Horseshoe Southern Indiana

— Paula Deen

‘Here goeeees yu’all!’ chirps a beaming Paula Deen as she begins the step-by-step process of showing her website viewers how to make macaroni and cheese, Paula Deen ‘style’. The bubbly Deen then proceeds to wrap individual pieces of bacon around her pre-made cold squares of mac & cheese, coat the squares in scrambled egg, cover in flour and bread crumbs, and finally submerges the squares (which have now almost doubled in size) into a deep fryer sizzling with peanut oil. I don’t know whether to laugh at myself or not when I admit that such was my fascination by the combined appeal of Deen’s ‘have a cardiologist standin’ by!’ recipe plus Deen herself, thanks to the genuine ‘I’m real happy to be here!’ vibe she exudes (spoken in a soprano register rapid paced ‘Scarlett O’Hara-ish’ accent); that by the time Deen finished I’d become mesmerized to the point that I had to pull myself away from her website to go back to my research notes. When I speak with Paula Deen by phone from her Savannah home a few days later, she was just days away from attending the ribbon-cutting ceremony of her newest (and second) Paula Deen Buffet restaurant, located at the Horseshoe Southern Indiana Hotel & Casino in Elizabeth, In. “I had none of those (goals),” Deen answers, to my question “Did your original career goals include becoming a household name?’ “You know what my goal was…” she continues in earnest, “…it was to buy groceries on a Wednesday and have the check clear when payday wasn’t until Friday,” sighing at the memory. “That was the goal for me and my boys (sons Jamie and Bobby), when back in 1989, at age 42, newly-divorced and with a $200 budget I became ‘The Bag Lady,’ creatin’ a home-based delivery service in Savannah with the help of my sons, who were then 19 and 21.” Although one would never suspect it from their intertwined careers to this day — Deen admits that in the beginning, she and her sons didn’t share the same career goals. “They’d remind me every day ‘you know, mom, this (restaurant) goal is your dream, not ours,’” she recalls. “But boys mature slower than girls, I think,” she adds, sounding amused. “And a miracle

took place, though, in that they grew up! (Laughs) And now we share the same dreams. And I tell you… God has not missed one day blessin’ me since.”’ Deen’s blessin’ remark prompts me to voice that after looking over just a partial list of what she’s achieved to date, her plate, so to speak, surely runneth over. There is the continued success of her Savannah restaurant The Lady and Sons; the sale of over eight million books since her first book The Lady and Sons Savannah Country Cookbook was published in 1997; the airing of three television series on the Food Channel; the launch of a line of Paula Deen signature bakeware, kitchen tools, and cookware; and WalMart’s ‘09 launch of a new exclusive line of affordable baked goods under the Paula Deen brand. “You know, I taught my children that you can be anything you want to be as long as you’re willin’ to work for it,” Deen says. “Although the whole time I was teachin’ them that lesson…I don’t know if I was truly buyin’ it,” she admits, now speaking in a hushed tone. “And I’m still in shock, you know, about my success, but I’m ever so grateful, because I’ve been on the other side.” I then tell Deen the expression ‘success from scratch’ not only popped into my head as she was talking, but I found it particularly amusing, since it’s a great metaphor for someone in the cooking industry. Dean reacts by declaring “Yes, yes, from scratch! Success is a wonderful, wonderful feeling of satisfaction.” “And we’re gettin’ deeper and deeper into the food business. Cake mixes, bread mixes...” Deen laughs, then seemingly deadpans: “I have also gotten in the nuuut business, which is perfect for me,” she says. I laugh at Deen’s ‘nuuut’ remark, thinking it’s just the latest in spontaneous food references spoken during our conversation. As it turns out, though, the joke’s on me, as Deen really has gone into the nut business. “I’m originally from Albany, Ga., and South West Ga. bein’ truly the pecan capital of the world, I’ve gone into the nuuut business with some men from Thomasville, Ga.,” she clarifies, still full of energy. “So I’ve got a lot goin’ on,” Deen concludes, then declares: “I’m a busy, busy girl!”

Gioia Patton is an arts & entertainment celebrity profiler.

TW ONLINE SPECIAL

Just Ask Joyce Q:

By Joyce Oglesby

“I have been married for 10 years. We have two children. I am a career woman in an excellent paying position. Family has always been a priority to me. My marriage has been good, but we have definitely had our ups and downs. To say I am madly in love with my husband would be less than true, but I decided long ago to stick out the commitment. I have recently acquired stirring feelings for someone at work. Nothing has happened between us, but I am certain he is aware the chemistry is there. I really want to be strong. How do you turn off these kinds of emotions? — Anonymous

Joyce: If emotions came equipped with faucets, there would be little need for self-control. There’s a great remedy for your situation: Find a new job. Before you tune out my advice, I pray you consider the consequences of remaining in your employment. In our economic times, high-paying salaries are a blessing. But the one question only you can answer is: How costly will it be in the end? The risk you run by repeated exposure to temptation is high. Chemical explosions happen instantaneously when the right formula collides. A closed door, a you-and-him project, a luncheon meeting, working late at the office — these are all invitations for compound reaction. Detachment, indifference, and/or extraction from the potential are sure ways to send the message of “I want no part of this.” Let me encourage you to rediscover what you have loved about your husband. Difficulties in marriage should serve to carve out strength and perseverance, not limitation or division. There are ways to revive stale love. Obviously, you have been recognized as a creative and innovative woman. Many times

spouses engage in stand-offs, just waiting for the other to restore love to its rightful place. Making the first move to breathe life back into your marriage is no more his responsibility than yours. (Check out my bookends for marriage on my website.) Count the costly emotions an unwise decision would have on your children. I know the world thinks those precious gems are resilient and they bounce back. I challenge you to question at least three people you know will be honest and objective with you regarding their experiences through their parents’ divorces. Some of us who are familiar with the process are overcomers and overriders; however, the disconnect from the family unit damages a child in a way that alters his/her history forever. The security, warmth and safe haven that once surrounded thoughts of home will take on a hollow, unsettling tenor. When we count the toll it takes on the child, the effort to stay true to your commitment seems much less demanding. Get a new job, or get a set jaw. Whether you choose to go or stay, there is nothing but devastation that can come from entertaining such temptation.

“How do I convince my mom to let me date? I am 15 and all my friends are dating. It is so humiliating to have to tell a boy that I can’t date until I’m 16. I am very responsible, I have great grades, am even in accelerated classes, and I know I can handle myself. I am so frustrated. I need a life. — Embarrassed High Schooler!

Joyce: I feel your pain! I was not allowed to go on a date with anyone until I was 16. I felt it was the worst sentence anyone could have imposed on a young girl. I am happy to report I lived through it. As a parent of two daughters, I can attest to the huge responsibility at hand. Your parent(s) probably made this decision long before the time approached. There are many safeguards for your protection built into this choice. You are obviously an extremely precocious

young lady, and the statistics of inherent risks in your dating experience are of no alarm to you. Try to understand and respect your mom’s position as a parent. The problem is probably neither not trusting you nor is it your ability to handle a given situation; it is most likely her uncertainty of how the young man will handle her prized possession. A young man who is interested enough to pursue your attention will wait for you, even if he has to wait another two years. It’s the impatient

ones that give me pause. They’re predisposed to picking from many trees and tasting the fruit, which is exactly what your mother would like to protect you from. Dwelling on something out of your control will only add to your frustration. Cut her a break and enjoy the time the two of you can spend together. You will look back and find this humiliating time in your life was great preparation for those tough decisions you will someday make as a parent.

TW ONLINE SPECIAL

Dress for Success 10th Anniversary Luncheon By Maggie Nelson

ress for Success is a worldwide non-profit organization that enables disadvantaged woman to find professional clothing for job interviews. They also provide a support network and career development tools to help them succeed in their jobs and life. Dress for Success Louisville was founded in 2000 and has helped over 3000 women from 80 member agencies, including The Center for Women and Families, Goodwill Industries, and the Louisville Urban League. They have recently hired a new Executive Director, Betty Fox. Where did you go to school? What was your major? “I graduated from Murray State University, BA and Bellarmine University, MBA. Have you worked with any other organizations? Development director for the Presbyterian Community Center, and former President of Tri-State Minority Business Council. How is this event going to be different this year? “We are honoring individuals, advocates, community leaders exhibiting the true spirit of social responsibility. We will be honoring one of our clients and toasting a high profile woman in the community.” What is your goal for 2011? “To expand the boutique and open up our Career Transition Center.”

When f

October 13 @ 11:15am Where f Galt House Hotel & Suites, Archibald Cochran Ballroom tickets f Individual/$100, package of 4/$300 Contact  502.584.8050