The Sentinella Axarquia Magazine November 2022

Hola and a big welcome to the November edition of the Sentinella Axarquia. It’s that time of the year again when we all sit back and wonder where the year has gone, as the shops are being filled with the usual Christmas gifts, foodstuffs, decorations, every other advert on the television is advertising Christmas and there is a general Christmas buzz in the air. I would usually write that the days are becoming colder too, but at the time of writing this particular month, we have been experiencing some mighty fine warm autumn weather with temperatures not dropping much below 200C and rising to 24/250C. But let’s see — a week or so can be a long time on the weather front and hopefully we will, by the time you are reading this, have received some much, much-needed rain.

So, it’s time to plan ahead. New Year celebrations in Spain are always so plentiful that it’s difficult to choose what to do, as the Spanish generally spend the lead-up to the New Year at home and celebrate with their families unless they are at a planned event, which means that many bars, clubs and restaurants close perhaps around 6pm-ish and don’t re-open until around 00.30am when the bars and clubs, particularly, become packed full until the wee small hours of New Year’s day morning. This of course is fine if you are Spanish, but I prefer to have a nice meal in a restaurant in the evening and then head to a bar to see the New Year in with some family and friends; after this, I generally plan to be in bed by 2am — whilst the partygoers often keep going MUCH longer, of course! However, as these restaurants are hard to find open, please do your research in advance!

This year I have found a planned event at a lovely location to celebrate NYE. The event, which is catered for by ‘Mangoa,’ is at Salón del Mar, Torre del Mar, and by their standards it will be a wonderful meal and evening. It will feature traditional Andalucian cuisine with signature touches, carefully presented using local high-quality products. The evening

No part of this publication, including pictures may be copied, used or reproduced without our prior written consent.

The Sentinella accepts no responsibility for alterations to events listed, claims made by our advertisers or information provided by our contributors.

The Sentinella is a registered trademark in Spain

Legal MA-1435-2005

dinner commences at 9pm, with all drinks during the dinner included (see main advert for full list) a five-course meal and grapes to celebrate at midnight. After the NY is in, it’s time to party with a DJ, live orchestra, all drinks included — including international and local brands — until 05.30am, party bag, plus an early morning snack. The Spanish certainly know how to party! If you would like further information about this event and the prices, please see their main advert on page 39.

On that note, have a great November and if you would like to appear in our Christmas edition, please get in touch by Monday 21st November.

Fishy affair

Two fishermen appear to have been caught hook, line and sinker after allegedly putting weights into their catch to try and cheat in a fishing tournament.

The world of competitive fishing is reeling over the scandal after footage of the moment the lead balls were found inside the walleye fish went viral online.

Jacob Runyan and Chase Cominsky were hoping to win the Lake Erie Walleye Trail tournament in Cleveland, Ohio, and would have walked away with a prize of $30,000 (£26,300).

However, they were disqualified and are now being investigated by Ohio's Department of Natural Resources, NBC News reports.

If the weights had never been found Runyan and Cominsky would have lifted the trophy for heaviest fish.

The anglers have not responded to requests for comment.

Swan song

A swan in Surrey held up trains after it wandered onto the tracks during the morning rush recently. Trains were delayed for about an hour. The bird was found on the tracks in Staines, Surrey, at about 8am, stopping trains through the area towards Ascot in Berkshire. South Western Railway's Twitter account joked that "our very own Sgt Angel" dealt with the swan - a reference to the 2007 police comedy Hot Fuzz.

The film has a scene where Simon Pegg's character Nicholas Angel and his partner chase an escaped swan through the town. Network Rail's Wessex route posted an image on its Twitter account showing the animal being carried in a bag.

"If you swan around on the railway, you get The Bag," it said.

Strange News

Fair play?

A championship football match was delayed after it was claimed the goals were two different sizes, sparking calls for an investigation.

Cardiff City coaching staff suggested one of the goals was two inches higher than the permitted 8ft ahead of their away clash with Wigan Athletic at the DW Stadium.

The game kicked off seven minutes late as Cardiff caretaker manager, Mark Hudson, tried to raise the issue - but agreed the match should go ahead after being told it would take up to two hours to investigate.

Cardiff went on to win the match 3-1, with their third goal hitting the underside of the apparent taller crossbar before going in. Hudson said: "A couple of the lads thought there was an issue with the size of the goals. “One of the goals was too high by a couple of inches.

"We were initially told we'd have to wait a couple of hours for it to sink another couple of inches, but no one wanted that.

"We decided to continue with it, and it was the same for both sides.

Bunny boiler

Lidl has been ordered to destroy its chocolate bunnies after it lost a court battle with Lindt. The Swiss firm had argued its gold-wrapped Easter rabbit deserved copyright protection from a similar product sold by the budget supermarket.

Switzerland's highest court agreed and overturned a ruling last year by the country's commercial court that had sided with Lidl. It ordered that all the imitation bunnies be destroyed, but suggested the chocolate needn't be wasted and could be melted for use in other products.

"Destruction is proportionate, especially as it does not necessarily mean that the chocolate as such would have to be destroyed," it said in a summary of its verdict.

It's not the first 'copycat' legal dispute to involve one of the big discount supermarkets, who model many of their own-label products on established rivals.

Marks and Spencer came to an agreement with Aldi earlier this year after claiming the Cuthbert cake was too similar to its own Colin the Caterpillar.

Your specialists on the Axarquia Coast

SH1095

Nice attached house in Mezquitilla with awsome sea views. Only 200 metres approximately from the beach. Parking place in the garage. 3 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, big kitchen, living room with chimney and A/C, 2 balconies off the living room, big terrace on the top floor with sea views. Store room. South facing. The house is in a quiet zone.

C / Infante 23, Edif. Faro 1, bajo, 29740 Torre del Mar, Málaga, España Tel./Fax. 0034 / 952 54 70 76 / 658 93 31 87 e-mail: info@suissehome.com www.suissehome.com

Coffee Filters & Their Uses

Coffee filters.... Who knew how handy they could be, and they are not pricey

1. Cover bowls or dishes when cooking in the microwave. Coffee filters make excellent covers.

2. Clean windows, mirrors, and chrome... Coffee filters are lint-free so they'll leave windows sparkling.

3. Protect china by separating your good dishes with a coffee filter between each dish.

4. Filter broken cork from wine. If you break the cork when opening a wine bottle, filter the wine through a coffee filter.

5. Recycle frying oil. After frying, strain oil through a sieve lined with a coffee filter.

6. Weigh chopped foods. Place chopped ingredients in a coffee filter on a kitchen scale.

7. Hold tacos. Coffee filters make convenient

wrappers for messy foods.

7. As a sewing backing. Use a filter as an easy-to-tear backing for embroidering or appliqueing soft fabrics.

8. Use them to wrap Christmas ornaments for storage.

9. Use them to remove fingernail polish when out of cotton balls.

10. Use them to sprout seeds.. Simply dampen the coffee filter, place seeds inside, fold it and place it into a plastic bag until they sprout.

11. Use as a disposable "snack bowl" for popcorn, crisps, etc..

20

How Much Is My Property Worth?

This is a question at Buy A Home Spain that we are asked all the time. The answer is simple, ‘It’s whatever someone will pay for it!’. That is very true, but it’s not very helpful and not what you want to hear, is it?

Alternatively, you can turn to the property valuation company, TINSA, who will tell you that the average value of properties in Andalucía in Quarter 3 of 2022 was 1417€/m². But that is equally unhelpful. It is just an average figure. They can narrow it down to certain areas of Andalucía as well, such as Málaga, but prices per square metre in Málaga city will not be the same as in Torre del Mar or Benamargosa, or a specific house halfway between 2 villages somewhere in the Axarquia. Furthermore, values per square metre of new-build apartments on the coast will be massively different to an old finca in the countryside. The only way to value a local property is to compare the many different aspects of that property (location, access, age, condition, quality, views, etc.) with others

that have sold recently. Do not confuse this by looking at prices of properties being advertised, because so many are advertised at unrealistic and inflated prices. And please don’t be influenced by an amount of money you would like to have or even what you need, maybe to buy something else. It is hard to accept this, but what you may want, or need, does not affect the valuation; it is what the market dictates that will give you a true valuation. I know you can be very emotionally attached to your property, but to arrive at the right price you need objectivity and the best way to do this is to sit down with a local property professional and discuss the details. If you would like a free valuation of your home, please see our contact details given in our advertisement in the centre pages. We will be happy to help.

Austin Taylor Buy A Home Spain

New regulations for English expat residents in Spain governing the mandatory issue of a Spanish driving licence

NEW REGUALTIONS

MANDATORY SPANISH DRIVING LICENCE

New regulations governing the mandatory issue of Spanish driving licences for British citizens is an issue that’s causing concern for some of our English expatriate customers.

Our Legal Assistance service will keep you fully updated on all the latest news and provide details on driving schools closest to your home, where you can prepare for the exam in English, consult the registration fees and raise any questions you may have.

In this article we’ll explain the regulations and procedures that you’ll have to follow, and the possible sanctions for non-compliance. If you need more information or you’d like to speak to our Legal Assistance team, please call 919 180 022 and we’ll be happy to assist and advise you.

AUTOMATIC LICENCE EXPIRY AFTER 30 APRIL 2022

As of December 31st 2020, the UK ceased to belong to the European Union, and regulations that allowed driving in Spain, with a British driving licence, ceased to be applicable.

UK issued driving licences were only authorised to drive in Spain until April 30th 2022, and are now not valid. All existing agreements on highway regulations that protect the Member States of the European Union have ceased to be valid and applicable. However, those British drivers who do not have their main residence in

Spain and travel for periods of less than six months (tourist type), may continue to drive in Spain, during that period, with their original permit.

ENGLISH FOR SPANISH LICENCE SWAP

Residents with a British driving licence, had until December 31st 2020 to swap and redeem theirs for a Spanish licence. Consequently, they must now obtain a new Spanish driving licence from scratch, submitting to the requirements and tests established in Spain for obtaining said licence.

Is On Its Way...

Christmas is fast approaching and Russells the

are

store in

With a huge variety of Christmas confectionery and chocolates, including all those family favourite selection tins such as Quality Street, Roses, Heroes, Celebrations and more. Mince pies, Christmas cakes, Christmas puddings, festive biscuit selections, as well as all the ingredients for Christmas baking and not forgetting everything to ensure you need for that special Christmas day dinner. Pop in to ask about reservations for meat joints and don’t forget you can shop from the comfort of your own home and take advantage of their home delivery service.

out http://www.russells.es for further information and see their full range of British and international foodstuffs that amounts to over 2,500 lines of products!

advert on page

which still remain uninhabited. There are 6 major islands: San Cristobal (also known as Makira), Choiseul, Malaita, New Georgia, Santa Isabel and Guadalcanal. The last of the islands listed is also home to the country’s capital city, Honiara.

The Island’s official language is English but only 1-2% of the population speak this language fluently. That’s because the Solomon Islands are home to 74 local languages.

The Solomon Islands’ coastline totals an impressive 5,313 kilometres in length. The majority is beautiful, sandy beaches, tropical trees and crystal clear waters filled with pristine coral reefs.

The Solomon Islands have 173 bird species, 69 of which are endemic and cannot be found anywhere else in the world.

Today, the islands are popular with scuba divers due to the numerous Second World War submarine, ship and aircraft wrecks.

The Solomon Islands are one of just 22 countries not to have an army.

Out And About In Torrox

Rebeccah Curtis Beauty & Wellness Centre including Hairdressing and now incorporating Nails and Beauty by Suzi Jackson. Urb. Laguna Beach, Centro Commercial B, No. 16 Torrox Costa. Open Tuesday - Saturday 10am - 6pm. Tel: 952 53 01 22 &  651 956 284

Raza Hotel have excellent facilities for your Dog, Cat or Rabbit, the perfect Hotel for your pets while you are away. In the countryside your dogs can enjoy secure outdoor play areas with toys provided & kennels with indoor sleeping area & outside run. For Cats, large catteries with cosy beds, toys & activities to keep them occupied. The Raza Hotel also offer a safe place to leave your Rabbit or Parrot as well as providing dog grooming services. Open 10am-7pm, 7 days a week. If you would like to visit, Paco & Antonio would be happy to show you the facilities. For more info call: 952 52 5417, 646 75 24 63, or email: info@razahotel.com or visit www.razahotel.com

Centro Casa Blanca was opened in 2008 by Bianca Bojahr. Bianca is a qualified Osteopath and a qualified practitioner in Bowen Technique, massage, lymphatic drainage, craniosacral osteopathy, reflexology, reiki and shiatsu. The Centre provides holistic techniques for a wide range of disorders and conditions including: Back problems, neck and shoulders, joint discomfort, tightness in muscles, fluid retention… and more. Call: 659 374 673 for more information.

Clinica Europa is a multidisciplinary medical center in Torrox, where they take care of your health, in the broadest sense, as defined by the World Health Organization. They speak English , German and French. Visit www.clinicaeuropa.eu or call: 952 530 908 for more information.

Shop Local Support Your Local Community

If you have a

in Torrox that

call to

Tel: 664 210 468

like

646

info@razahotel.com

at: www.razahotel.com

Open

Tel: 952 530

-

10am

/ 651 956

NAILS & BEAUTYNAILS & BEAUTY BY SUZI JACKSONBY SUZI JACKSON

952 530 122 / 711 047 122 within Rebeccah Curtis Beauty and Wellness

Open Tues - Sat 10am - 6pm Rebeccah Curtis Beauty and Wellness Urb. Laguna Beach, Centro Comercial B, No.16 TORROX COSTA

is wider than the moon.

can hold their breath for longer than dolphins.

The Spice Girls were originally a band called Touch.

It's illegal to own just one guinea pig in Switzerland.

The average adult spends more time on the toilet than they do exercising.

are called kits.

The first airplane flew on December 17, 1903.

The Spanish national anthem has no words.

to the English alphabet was 'J'.

3.6

Spam are consumed each second.

Japan

Vanilla Liqueur

1 cup water

2 cups granulated sugar

1 vanilla bean

1 1/2 cups vodka

cup brandy

Vodka Mojito

5 to 8 torn fresh mint leaves, plus whole leaves for garnish

3/4 ounce freshly squeezed lime juice, from

1/2 lime

1/2 ounce rich simple syrup

2 ounces premium vodka

2 to 3 ounces club soda, to taste Lime slice, for garnish

Vodka Oyster Shooters

1 raw oyster

1 teaspoon cocktail sauce, store-bought or homemade

1 tablespoon (1/2 ounce) vodka, top-shelf recommended

Vruca Rakija (Serbian Hot Brandy)

1/2 cup sugar

1 1/2 cups plum brandy, slivovitz

cups water

Vodka Martini

2 ounces premium vodka

1/2 to 3/4 ounce dry vermouth, to taste

2 dashes bitters, optional Lemon twist, or 3 olives, for garnish

V o o d d k k a a M M a a rrttii n n ii

Remember, remember the fifth of November… but not a lot else about bonfire night? These 10 facts will make sure your knowledge is up to scratch, so that in between the whizzes, pops and bangs you can impress (or annoy) all your friends.

1. The Gunpowder Plot of 1605 was meant to kill the Protestant King, James I. and replace him with a Catholic Queen.

2. It was actually Warwickshire-born Robert Catesby who led the Gunpowder Plot, not Guy Fawkes. There were also 13 other people involved.

3. The job Guy Fawkes had in the Gunpowder Plot was to guard the 36 barrels of gunpowder that had been placed in a basement underneath the House Of Lords.

4. The alarm was raised after an anonymous letter was sent to Lord Monteagle, warning him to stay away from the House of Lords.

5. Explosive expert Fawkes, who had been left in a cellar to set off the fuse, was subsequently caught when a group of guards discovered him at the last moment on the 5th November. He was then taken to the Tower of London.

6. As he awaited his grisly punishment on the gallows, Fawkes leapt to his death to avoid the horrors of torture that awaited him. He died from a broken neck.

7. King James I announced that the 5th November should be the day that people always celebrate that the Gunpowder Plot didn’t happen.

8. The cellar that Fawkes and the gunpowder plotters used was damaged in 1834 by fire. When the Palace of Westminster was rebuilt in the 19th century, the infamous cellar was destroyed.

9. St. Peters school in York is the only place in England that does not celebrate bonfire

night as a show of respect for their former pupil, Guy Fawkes.

10. The Houses of Parliament are still searched by the Yeoman of the Guards before the state opening (where the reigning Monarch visits parliament each year) held in November. It is ceremonial rather than serious and is performed with lanterns.

A monastery can be a single building or, indeed, a collection of buildings that have living quarters and also places to work, for monks or nuns and usually a place for prayer – possibly a chapel or church, for example.

Self-sufficient monasteries can include a school, plus agricultural aspects, manufacturing facilities, plus other activities and pursuits, too. Mount Saint Bernard Abbey is located near Coalville, Leicestershire. This Roman Catholic Trappist monastery was established during 1835. The Abbey Church is dedicated to the Greater Glory of God and recorded as being in honour of the Blessed Virgin Mary and Saint Bernard.

brewery, with the production of the beer being carried out by the monks. The labelling for the bottled beer bows to and honours a 12th century Cistercian script, created by Brother Anselm Baker, who was an early monk of the community and an artist of note. The name ‘Tynt Meadow’ reflects and respects connections with the land and monastic life here for nearly 200 years. This full-bodied beer is fermented twice and utilises English barley and hops, plus an English strain of yeast, all to great advantage. The deepish-brown colour has a reddened hue and entices to the gentle aroma, evoking thoughts of dark fruits. I found the beer to be well-balanced, having overtones of chocolate. The very pleasurable mouthfeel continues on, to the palate’s delight, for a memorable finish.

For more details, including Tynt Meadow ale stockists, the excellent website has all information.

Mount Saint Bernard Abbey offers many interesting features for visitors, from both the UK and worldwide origins, throughout the year. The Abbey Shop has numerous, most appealing items and products for sale, including a good number of books, with some authored by the monks. Cards, gifts, pictures, pottery and honey (from their own apiary), are all available and more, such as rosaries, chants and music – perhaps something for a special present?

Award-winning TYNT MEADOW ENGLISH TRAPPIST ALE (7.4% vol) is a very popular production, by Mount Saint Bernard Abbey. During 2017/18 space was created for a new

Mount Saint Bernard Abbey, Oaks Road, Coalville, Leicestershire LE67 5UL. Tel: +44 (0) 1530 832298/832022. E-mail: monks@mountsaintbernard.org E-mail: shop@mountsaintbernard.org E-mail: brewery@mountsaintbernard.org www.mountsaintbernard.org www.mountsaintbernardshop.org

Langley

Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning. Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and she said, “Mabel, do you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?”

Mabel answered, “I have a suppository in my ear?” She pulled it out and stared at it. Then she said, “Ethel, I'm glad you saw this thing. Now I think I know where to find my hearing aid.”

An elderly couple were on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the boat watching the storm, when a wave came up and washed the old man overboard. They searched for days and couldn't find him, so the captain sent the old woman back to shore with the promise that he would notify her as soon as they found something. Three weeks went by and finally the old woman got a fax from the boat. It read: “Ma'am, sorry to inform you, we found your husband dead at the bottom of the ocean. We hauled him up to the deck and attached to his butt was an

oyster and in it was a pearl worth 50,000€, Please advise.”

The old woman faxed back: “Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap.”

A funeral service was being held for a woman who had just passed away. At the end of the service, the pallbearers were carrying the casket out when they accidentally bumped into a wall, jarring the casket. They heard a faint moan.

They opened the casket and found that the woman was actually alive! She lived for ten more years, and then died. Once again, a ceremony was held, and at the end of it, the pallbearers were again carrying out the casket. As they carried the casket towards the door, the husband cried out, “Watch that wall!”

The Senility Prayer Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

Fruit&

Chestnuts Chestnuts

Chestnuts are a part of the fruit group and some individuals classify them as dried fruit.

Chestnuts can be eaten raw, roasted, ground into flour, or mixed into pastries.

The chestnut is the only nut that contains vitamin C and are much lower in fat than other nuts. They contain twice as much starch as a potato, giving the chestnut tree the nickname “bread tree” in some parts of the world.

Just half a cup of raw chestnuts gives you 35 to 45 percent of your daily intake of vitamin C.

Chestnuts are a great source of antioxidants, even after cooking. They're rich in gallic acid and ellagic acid, two antioxidants that increase in concentration when cooked.

Antioxidants and minerals like magnesium and potassium help reduce your risk of cardiovascular issues, such as heart disease or stroke.

Chestnuts are gluten-free.

The fibre in chestnuts can also help balance your blood sugar.

Chestnuts have several properties that may aid weight loss. The high proportion of fibre they contain can help you stay fuller for longer.

How to prepare and cook chestnuts They are easy to prepare. You can roast them in the oven on a baking sheet for 20-30 minutes at (200°C). Make sure to pierce the nuts’ skin before roasting to prevent them from exploding in the oven.

You can also boil chestnuts in a saucepan of water. Bring the water to boil and then lower the heat and simmer for approximately 30 minutes. Again, make sure to pierce the skin of the chestnuts beforehand. Once the chestnuts are cooked, remove the skin and enjoy them as a delicious snack.

Why

Tarzan

lives in the jungle without a

Why do we press harder on a remote control

we know the

Why do banks

a

are flat?

they know there is not enough?

Why do Kamikaze

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?

What is the speed of darkness?

is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up every two hours?

it be?

Paradox, we

The Rambo Granny Of Melborne, Australia

Gun-toting granny Ava Estelle, 81, was so ticked-off when two thugs raped her 18-year-old granddaughter that she tracked the unsuspecting ex-cons down... And shot off their testicles

"The old lady spent a week hunting those men down and, when she found them, she took revenge on them in her own special way," said Melbourne police investigator Evan Delp.

Then she took a taxi to the nearest police station, laid the gun on the sergeant's desk and told him as calm as could be: "Those b******* will never rape anybody again, by God."

Cops say convicted rapist and robber Davis Furth, 33, lost both his penis and his testicles when outraged Ava opened fire with a 9-mm pistol in the hotel room where he and former prison cell mate Stanley Thomas, 29, were holed up.

The wrinkled avenger also blew Thomas' testicles to kingdom come, but doctors managed to save his mangled penis, police said. "The one guy, Thomas, didn't lose his manhood, but the doctor I talked to said he won't be using it the way he used to," Detective Delp told reporters. "Both men are still in pretty bad shape, but I think they're just happy to be alive after what they've been through."

The Rambo Granny swung into action August 21 after her granddaughter Debbie was carjacked and raped in broad daylight by two knife-wielding creeps in a section of town bordering on skid row.

"When I saw the look on my Debbie's face that night in the hospital, I decided I was going to go out and get those b******** myself 'cause I figured the Law would go easy on them," recalled the retired library worker. "And I wasn't scared of them, either - because I've got me a gun and I've been shootin' all my life. And I wasn't dumb enough to turn it in when the law changed about owning one." So, using a police artist's sketch of the suspects and Debbie's description of the accused, tough-as-nails Ava spent seven days prowling the wino-infested neighbourhood where the crime took place till she spotted the ill-fated rapists entering their flophouse hotel.

"I knew it was them the minute I saw 'em, but I shot a picture of 'em anyway and took it back to Debbie and she said sure as hell, it was them," the oldster recalled...

"So I went back to that hotel and found their room and knocked on the door, and the minute the big one opened the door, I shot 'em right square between the legs, right where it would really hurt 'em most, you know. Then I went in and shot the other one as he backed up pleading to me to spare him. Then I went down to the police station and turned myself in."

Now, baffled lawmen are trying to figure out exactly how to deal with the vigilante granny.. "What she did was wrong, and she broke the law, but it is difficult to throw an 81-year-old woman in prison," Det. Delp said, "especially when 3 million people in the city want to nominate her for Mayor." Super Gran!

Director/writer: Barney Douglas Stars (as themselves): John McEnroe, Björn Borg, Peter Fleming, Chrissie Hynde, Billie Jean King, Phil Knight, James Malhane, Anna McEnroe, Ava McEnroe, Emily McEnroe, Keith Richards, Patty Smyth

PG 15: running time 104 mins

YOU cannot be serious! Well actually, it seems John McEnroe CAN be serious.

In this thoughtful look back at his life, the former Wimbledon champion tries to figure out why he was a superbrat on the tennis court.

While many stars make excuses for their worst behaviour, the direct-speaking New Yorker does not seek to put the blame on his childhood or anyone else. Instead, he berates

himself for being so rude to umpires and assaulting a drinks trolley.

He admits taking drugs and messing up his first marriage, to movie star Tatum O’Neal, by being unfaithful. Some elements here have been discussed many times before, particularly John’s rivalry with Swedish star Bjorn Borg, which was the basis for the 2017 movie Borg vs McEnroe in which Shia LaBeouf played the American.

But the effect defeating Borg had on McEnroe’s career is fascinating. Reaching the top proved to be the beginning of the end for the racquet-wrecker.

"McEnroe" features some completely unseen archive from some of the biggest matches in tennis history - including the US Open and Wimbledon - as well as home video footage from John himself. Contributions from John's children and his wife Patty Smyth provide a level of intimacy that takes the film beyond a sports biopic and into the realms of something deeply confessional.

This is most definitely a sports documentary to love.

Star Rating ****/*****

Thoughts For The Month

Gentle thoughts for November

Birds of a feather flock together... and then s*** on your car.

A penny saved is... a frickin government oversight.

The older you get... the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.

Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are XL.'

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is... to buy a replacement.

He who hesitates is... probably right.

The sole purpose of a child's middle name

is... so he can tell when he's really in trouble.

Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know 'why' I look this way. I've travelled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.

When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to your youth, think of Detention.

You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.

One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young. Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.

Andalusian Excursions - Dedicated To Making Memories For You!

Andalusian Excursions are personal excursion and tour specialists, helping you to make special memories of your time in Andalucia.

would love to share with you, and for you to experience and enjoy our beautiful homeland.

Our tailor-made small group excursions of up to eight people are the perfect way to create some amazing holiday memories. We do the hard work for you. We collect and return you to your accommodation in our luxury comfort transport and if you would like to make your memory really special, we can also personalise or adapt excursions to your personal needs.

We are a family-run company that moved from the UK, and have lived and worked here in the consumer and tourism industry for over 20 years.

Our love and passion is to travel and experience every country we visit. We love the area we live in, and we are also very passionate about all the events and things to do in all the areas that Andalucia has to offer. We have a wealth of local knowledge that we

For more details check out our website www.andalusianexcursions.com, follow us on Facebook for up-to-date excursions and events, or WhatsApp Tracey Law on 640 586 262

See advert on page 12

The Importance Of Keeping Your Tax Affairs In Order

In recent years, the actions of Spain´s Tax Authority (the “AgenciaTributaria” in Spanish, and referred to as “AT” from this point) suggests an increased focus on fighting tax havens, searching for hidden assets and controlling international taxation. One of the common measures the AT has adopted is that of sending warning letters to individuals or companies who own Spanish property/ies.

Through the data provided by the tax agencies of other countries, banks and notaries, the AT is able to analyse taxpayers´ behaviour and encourage, facilitate and, if necessary, enforce their compliance.

The AT is able to access information on all international bank transfers, and places special emphasis on the largest amounts.

With respect to corporation tax and countries where corporation tax is not charged, such countries have a duty to inform the AT where the directors of companies (resident in such countries) reside, and provide information about the transactions such companies carry out.

time-consuming and costly. Hence, it is very important to be up to date with the AT and ensure that the AT has correct information and details, whether you are a tax resident in Spain or a non tax resident who owns property in Spain, and whether you are an individual or a company/director of a company with interests in Spain.

De Cotta Law has a team of professionals who can advise you on the taxes that must be paid in Spain.

For a confidential consultation tailored to your situation please contact Sam Baker, English solicitor at De Cotta Law: sambaker@decottalaw.net Telephone 952 527 014

See main advert below

As well as state taxes, it should be noted that there are a series of municipal taxes which must be paid to respective Town Halls, such as IBI, refuse collection tax, vehicle tax etc.

Every day, new notifications are received from the AT, to which it is necessary to respond. Failing to respond within the stipulated time frames will lead to fines, regardless of whether the allegations are correct or not. Any replies must generally be accompanied by supporting documentation which will often need to be translated and sometimes legalised. This can all be very

Businesses

Chatelin ortopedia & pedicurist practice They are a company with over 30 years experience in the orthopedic sector. Linda is a qualified pedicurist and Henry is a certified prothesis and orthesis maker, for all your inlays and sport inlays, corset-knee, ankle and wrist supports, wheelchairs, walking aids, beds, rehabilitation articles etc...open Monday - Thursday 10am2pm and 3pm - 6pm. Call: 695 481 082 or 658 773 857

Starcar in Nerja for all your car repair needs: bodywork painting, service, pre I.T.V. check, air-conditioning, tyres, brakes, clutch etc. Also car transfers. Find them at Avda Alcalde Antonio Villasclaras just up from the BP garage as you are leaving Nerja on the right hand side and they are below the gym. Call Jonathan who speaks English on 637 801 325

Dentadanés Dental Clinic offer top-quality Scandinavian dental care at competitive prices, a successful concept that has been used since the clinic was established in Maro (Nerja) in 1991. We have two dentists, (one Danish female, one English male) ready to solve all your dental problems. Please visit our website at www.dentadanes.com for a full list of treatments & prices as well as directions to and pictures of the clinic. Open Monday to Friday 10am - 5pm including all summer months.

and Spanish. Tel: 952

La llave

Nerja

winter

have an extensive range of 1 to 3

Whatsapp, FB, Website, Email

644 793 168

phone.

The Tax Returns that all Non-Resident Property owners should be submitting annually is called, Modelo 210, and the period for submitting this declaration is the calendar year, (i.e. 1st January to 31st December each year). The Annual Deemed Income Tax due for the tax year 2021, must be paid before the 31st December 2022.

Many NON-RESIDENT PROPERTY

OWNERS have not paid these annual taxes, not because they wish to commit tax fraud, but due to mere ignorance of the existence of this tax. Usually because nobody has ever informed them.

Everyone should be aware that ignorance of the Law is not an excuse for not paying this tax, so we recommend any NON-RESIDENT who owns a real estate property in Spain seeks tax advice to make sure they know what their tax obligations in Spain are. The

tax form 210 is operated on a self-assessed system. This means that Non-residents have the obligation to prepare, calculate and pay their own Deemed IncomeTax every year.

Nowadays, the Inland Revenue computers can easily check who is not paying these taxes, so it is important to ensure that the annual tax form 210 is paid and submitted on time every year.

As this is not an easy process, we recommend that non-resident property owners should get professional assistance to prepare these annual taxes.

If you are a NON-RESIDENT PROPERTY OWNER IN SPAIN, you still have plenty of time to comply with this Tax law. It’s better to do it before the Inland Revenue contacts you.

Jose M. Garzon

Solicitor Head of Axarquia office. mail@axarquiasolicitors.com

Don’t suppose we will hear many firework bangs here in Spain on November 5th, but think of the folks back home on the day and enjoy these historic facts…

The earliest documentation of fireworks dates back to 7th century China. They were invented more than 2000 years ago in China.

China is the largest manufacturer and exporter of fireworks in the world. 90% of all fireworks originate from here.

In 1240 the Arabs acquired knowledge of gunpowder. A Syrian named Hasan al-Rammah wrote of fireworks using terms that suggested he derived his knowledge from Chinese sources.

Dreaming about fireworks means that you like

to be the centre of attention and are showing off to others. It also symbolises enthusiasm and exhilaration.

The largest chocolate firework was measuring 3m high and 1.5m in diameter and containing 60kg of Swiss Cailler chocolates. The firework was released in Zurich on New Year's Eve 2002.

Fireworks are not fun for animals. Always keep dogs and cats inside the house when fireworks are being let off. Stay calm and make sure where possible you can stay with them.

The biggest occasion for fireworks in the UK is Guy Fawkes Night (5th November). It is a celebration of the failing of the Gunpowder Plot on 5 November 1605, an attempt to kill King James I at the Houses of Parliament.

Queen Elizabeth was so fascinated with fireworks that she created an honorary title, "Fire Master of England" for the individual who created the best fireworks.

The word for firework in Japanese, 'hanabi', which actually means "fire-flower".

A rocket can reach speeds of 150mph, however the shell can reach as high as 200 metres.

A sparkler burns at a temperature over 15 times the boiling point of water. Three sparklers burning together generate the same heat as a blowtorch. When your sparkler goes out, put it in a bucket of water.

France uses fireworks to celebrate Bastille Day and celebrate storming the prison of Bastille.

Italy was the first country to truly master and experiment with fireworks in Europe. They were the first to use shells for firecrackers to be loaded into canons and shot into the air.

Half of all firework injuries are to children under the age of 16.

At first fireworks were only orange and white. In the Middle Ages new colours were achieved by adding different salts. The hardest colour to create is blue.

A record breaking 56,000 firework rockets were launched simultaneously in a spectacular opening to the Plymouth, UK Fireworks Championships by Scientist Roy Lowry.

The first recorded fireworks in England were at the wedding of King Henry VII in 1486.

La Herradura now has its own minigolf course called Minigolf La Herradura which has been built by an ex-golf trainer, a former member of the PGA of America.

The man behind it, Scott Huston, is an American who has lived in several European countries including Germany, Northern Ireland and Denmark. For the last 17 years he has called La Herradura home.

Minigolf La Herradura lies between the main road (N340) and Calle Las Palomas 12 where the entrance is, just one street behind the post office. It has 18 holes and covers a good part of the 1,100 sq/m plot - on the rest of it are two petanque lanes and an area for racquet sports such as mini tennis, air badminton and the new fad of “Pickle-ball”. There is also space for restrooms, administrative reception and a store room.

When asked how he decided on this project, he said he had played mini golf as a kid and

often on vacations over the years. “At 56 years old I decided I had a better chance of scoring well on golf holes measuring four to six metres that 400 to 600 metres.”

He added, “One thing I’d like to make clear, as this is a very novel concept in Spain, is that mini golf is not a short form of the golf you’d see on TV, but simply putting the ball into a hole through various obstacles. The holes are made of artificial grass as is the racquet sports area and the course is made from existing land with gravel path-ways. No water is required for the entire plot aside for the restrooms.”

For more information regarding prices, hours, upcoming tournaments, availability for private parties, etc., please see the website: minigolflh.es, or feel free to ring Scott anytime on 603 416 632.

See main advert below

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken wall at 10 Downing Street; one from London, another from Bristol and the third, Liverpool. They go with a government official to examine the wall.

The London contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. 'Well' he says 'I figure the job will run about £900: £400 for materials, £400 for my crew and £100 profit for me.'

The Bristol contractor also does some measuring and figuring, and then says: 'I can do this job for £700: £300 for materials, £300 for my crew and £100 profit for me.'

The Liverpool contractor doesn't measure or figure but leans over to the Government official and whispers: "£2,700."

The official, incredulous, says: 'You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?'

The Liverpool contractor whispers back: '£1000 for me, £1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Bristol to fix the wall.' 'Done!' replies the government official.

And that, my friends, is how it all works!

BOOK

Gawld

GOLF CLUBS 2

One set is Wilson the other Ben Sayers. Call 634

individual

NEW MEMBERS WANTED - EL CAPITAN TENNIS CLUB Torre Del Mar. Open to new members. For information Ring 675391967

Please mention The Sentinella when responding to adverts Building In Andalusia

The new planning legislation, the LISTA, which is replacing the slightly stricter LOUA, is currently being settled in the Andalusian government and we will soon hear more details about what is new and what isn’t.

However, it appears that it will soon be once again possible to build residential buildings on rustic land. However, the restrictions will be considerable, which in my opinion is important as no one wants to see our beautiful hills and countryside once again covered in new building projects, taking us back to what was happening in the 1990’s and 2000’s.

But we must also remember that it is usually always possible to build on urban land and sometimes there are some delightful urban plots offering no problems with planning permission and much lighter restrictions, in beautiful places. A good example is a little treasure of a plot on the edge of the beautiful

village of Canillas de Aceituno, consisting of just over 400m2 of pretty much flat land, and for sale for 59,000 Euros, this is a true example of how it is possible to build a dream home, with a pool, - yes, pools are permitted in most cases on urban land! – without the headaches.

This plot could be home to a good sized house, on one level or two, with lovely private gardens, terraces, a pool, a garage, connection to mains drainage, water and electrics, and spectacular views of the sea in the distance, the countryside and the village. On urban land planning permission is also faster to obtain and a lot less expensive in planning fees.

For more information on building regulations, we are happy to try to answer any questions you might have. And see the advert below for details of this plot.

Toni Waterman, Unspoilt Andalusia

Celebrity tackle

FORMER rugby ace Mike Tindall has agreed to be the first royal on prime time reality TV, The Sun has revealed.

Mike, 43, who is married to the late Queen Elizabeth’s granddaughter, Zara, will join the line-up in I’m A Celebrity in the bug-infested Australian jungle.

He will appear alongside stars including Boy George, comic Sean Walsh and DJ Chris Moyles.

Details of Mike’s deal remain a closely-guarded secret, but a source told The Sun: “It’s a massive coup. Mike has had a box seat for some of the most important moments in royal history for generations.

“He is sure to be discreet, but his sheer presence means this series will be an absolute must-watch.”

Mike, who lifted the 2003 World Cup with England, wed Zara in 2011 and the couple have three children — Mia, eight, Lena, four, and Lucas, one.

He has since become a key member of the royal innercircle.

No magic for Ant and Dec Ant McPartlin and Declan Donnelly have been forced to miss the Britain’s Got Talent magician special due to illness.

Stephen Mulhern has agreed to step in and host the programme instead.

Among their many work commitments, Ant and Dec are known for hosting Britain’s Got Talent, which has been going for 15 years. However, the duo will miss the upcoming spin-off special Britain’s Got Talent: The Ultimate Magician as well as the National Television Awards.

In a statement sent to Metro.co.uk, a spokesperson explained that Ant and Dec have had to put ‘all work commitments’ on hold, after the pair were recently seen in South Africa for the all-stars series of I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out Of Here!

They said: ‘Ant and Dec are both unwell and have postponed all work commitments until they recover.

The BGT magician-focused special was only announced recently, with an air date yet to be revealed.

In 2016, Richard Jones became the first and only magician to ever win Britain’s Got Talent.

Star claims harassment

Doctor Who star Nicola Bryant, 62, has claimed she's had her 'fair share' of sexual harassment.

During her stint on Doctor Who, Nicola appeared alongside Peter Davison and Colin Baker in their incarnations of the titular role, but neither is implicated in the allegations.

The actress, who played Peri Brown on the iconic sci-fi show from 1984 to 1986, claimed she was pestered by TV bosses to 'sleep with them' to secure other acting roles, and it has carried on well into the latter stages of her career.

Nicola, who has gone onto star in My Family and Holby City, also admitted that she has turned down acting roles in the past that would require her to have sex with television bosses.

Speaking on the My Time Capsule podcast, Nicola explained that such harassment from TV bosses took a huge toll on her mental health.

She said: 'It's showbiz lechery, and I think I've had more than my fair share. It leaves me insecure and terrified. 'I've had it in all different shapes and forms. I'm 62; you'd think this nonsense would end but it's still going on.’

Top Gun protection Hollywood A-lister Tom Cruise has claimed he’s been forced to hire heavyweight bodyguards after a string of death threats.

NewsCelebrity

He dodges baddies on the big screen — defying the odds to come out unscathed in Mission: Impossible, Top Gun and more — but in the real world, Tom is taking no chances.

The megastar and his director Christopher McQuarrie have brought in heavy-duty bodyguards and security after a disgruntled former employee began an increasingly bitter legal battle over being let go from their productions.

Respected movie “bible” Vanity Fair told how the dispute began after a stunt producer was told his services were no longer required, sparking angry protests and fears of further reprisals.

“Tom and Chris are still working on Mission: Impossible 8, mostly in the UK, but things have got increasingly unpleasant with a former crew member and now it’s a case of taking no chances,” said a source.

“It’s a bit of art imitating life; on set it’s all about heavy protection and threats and now the same thing is going on behind the cameras.”

Charities

What´s on in your area?

DatesDiaryFor

SEEKING CHARITIES - People helping People

Do you know of any SPANISH Charities (O.N.G) who help people and are seeking funding? The American International Club is currently seeking Spanish Organisations who are seeking assistance. If you are aware of an organisation that assists Spanish people, please send an email with contact information to nerjaclub@yahoo.com

The American International Club is a social club open to all nationalities which spans the area from Almunecar to Torrox and beyond. Activities include tapas runs, monthly excursions, petanque, coffee mornings, dinners and walks. The Club raises funds for Spanish charities and each year makes a significant donation to a local organisation as a way of saying "thank you" to our host nation. Our motto is "If it isn't fun, we don't do it". To join in the fun email: nerjaclub@yahoo.com http://www.americaninternationalclub.com

Los Romanes Royal British Legion. Los Romanes branch has two venues. We meet weekly at The Asador Restaurant Puente Don Manuel, on Mon 12.00 – 1400 hrs. And on a Wed at midday at the Bar La Vega, Torre Del Mar. Our friendly group get together not only to raise funds for and support TRBL in Spain, but also meet to be with friends and have some fun, including quizzes, bingo, monthly lunches etc. You do not have to have served in the Armed Forces to become a member. Interested? Tel: Sue on 691 544 140 or just pop in for a chat.

Furniture shop, Torre del Mar is looking for volunteers who have a free morning or afternoon every week to help us to sell second hand furniture and attend to customers in the new store. Would you like to help us? Contact 952564910/671048304 voluntariado@cudeca.org

Pippa’s Pawprints Charity Shop C/ Antonio Jimenez No. 4b, behind the Bus Station and the Notary. Cards, bric-a-brac, bags, shoes and quality clothing at knock-down prices. Now open from Tues to Sat 10.30am - 2pm. 622 574 174

AAR (Axarquia Animal Rescue) shop. Avenida Andalucia 147, Torre del Mar. Open Mon - Sat 10am - 13.30 All donations gratefully accepted

Argentine Tango classes in Torrox: Contact Mario 649 59 55 94

Scottish Country Dance Classes at El Trapiche Market, contact George 619 069 966

Every Tuesday is Tony’s Bingo Quiz at The Belvedere at 3pm in Torre del Mar. Come along for a great fun afternoon! Call 610 100 908 to reserve a table.

Every Thursday Quiz at Bar Samba 7pm.

Every Tuesday Country Farmers Market between 9.30am and 1.30pm. Los Jardines del Trapiche Call: Anita 627 877 164

The Nerja Players meet on 1st and 3rd Tues of the month between Oct and Apr. Perfomances are rehearsed readings. Calle Castilla Perez 1, Nerja. Look for the very large BLUE entrance door. We are between Salon de Juegos and a Supermarket. Reservations on our website. Email: admin@thenerjaplayers.com

Torrox Tornadoes Walking Football Club Looking for players of this new team based in Torrox, for 50 and over men’s physical and mental health and to make new friends. Joining the new league on the Costa Del Sol. Join us on Facebook “Torrox Tornadoes Walking Football Club”

New Life Church Whether you live in Nerja or are visiting our area, we would be delighted to welcome you. Our meetings are characterised by uplifting songs, relevant sermons and a modern but reverent service. During this time of uncertainty, God's word reminds us that the Gospel shines brightest in times of darkness. We are a Bible based Church community continuing to help people find their way back to God. Sunday Service 11.00am Prayer Meetings Wednesdays 11.00am Pasaje San Miguel, Nerja, info@nlcnerja.com / www.nlcnerja.com Facebook: www.facebook.com/nlcne

Lux Mundi Ecumenical Centre, Torre del Mar, Avda. Moscatel 1”I”, (Jardines Viña Malága/Antigua Casa de la Viña). Open mornings only Wed & Fri 10am - 1pm. For info Tel. 952 543 334 E-mail: luxmundi@lux-mundi.org Nov & Dec Events Wed 2nd Nov– Quiz Night. Come along to the Centre & have a fun night out with your team of 6 friends. Light refreshments available & drinks can be purchased. Tickets available at the Centre 7€ or with a Friend of Lux Mundi card 6€. Doors open at 6.00pm and the fun starts at 6.30pm. We continue our regular activities: Spanish practice groups (limited numbers per group, Art group on Wed and coffee morning every Fri. Our shop will be open Wed and Fri. Time 11.00 to 13.00. Donations in good conditions are always welcome. Tues 20th Dec –Excursion to Malaga Christmas Lights.

Bus Stations

Torre del Mar Call: 952 559

Tourist Information

Nerja: 952

Hospitals

Nerja Ambulatorio: 952 523

Velez

951 067

Weekly Market days (mornings

Mondays: Torrox Costa

Call: 952

: 952 541

Moviestar

Church services in English The Anglican

at 12

(St

contact Fr Nigel with an e-mail

like to join us.

Tuesdays: Nerja & Country Farmers Market, at Jardines del Trapiche Wednesdays; Rincon de la Victoria, Algarrobo Costa

Thursdays: Velez Malaga, Torre del Mar & Frigilana

Fridays: Cala de Moral

Saturdays: Caleta de Velez, Competa & Benajarafe, Algarrobo Costa, Opp Lidl (1st & 3rd Saturday each month) Sundays: Nerja Car Boot

ITV Call: 951 707 108 www.itvcita.com

Shops 10am - 2pm - 5pm - 8:30pm

Town

Torre and Velez: 952

: 952

Rincon: 952

Airports

Malaga

Malaga

Stations

952

952

Thomas. Tel: Church House951 815736, Mobile: 608 695 756, email: cofenerja@gmail.com, website: www:nerjaalmunecaranglicanchurch.co.uk. Competa - Holy Communion every Sunday at 5.30pm in the Parish Church, Plaza Almijara, Cómpeta Tel: 952 219 396

Malaga - St. George´s Church in the Engish Cemetery. 11.00am Sun Tel: 952 110 416 website: stgeorgemalaga.org Velez-Malaga - Capilla De San Jose, Calle Linares 7, Velez-Malaga. Sun 10.30. Tel 608 063 873

Lux Mundi, Torre del Mar Church Services: Lux Mundi, Torre del Mar Catholic Mass in English. This is now suspended until September when further info will be advised. Tel: 952 543 334.

St Barnabas IERE (Anglican) Torre del Mar, Morning prayer 1st Sunday, Holy Communion 2nd, 3rd and 4th at 11am. Tel: 657 286 284

Lux Mundo Ecumenical Centre, Torre del Mar, Avda. Moscatel 1 ‘I’, (Jardines Vina Malaga/Antigua Casa de la Vina), Torre del Mar, 29740. Tel: 952 543 334

Torre del Mar: International Church Málaga/ Cornerstone International Church. Meets Sun @ 11:30am & Wed @ 6:30 pm for Bible Study. Calle Solera 2, Bajos,Torre del Mar

Evangelical Church - El Puente Christian Fellowship Sunday Worship 11am - Bible Study Wed 2-4pm. AA - Wed 7pm. Charity shop/books open Wed, Thurs, Fri & Sat 10-1.30pm. We meet at El Puente Christian Fellowship premises situated underneath Maroma Inmobilaria, Cruce de Periana Puente don Manuel. 952 117 145 or 952 518 185

Bank Hours Usually 8:30am-2pm except Sundays, Bank holidays and Fiestas. Please note, the majority of banks will not accept bills to be paid (ie: electric, phone, rates) after 11am.

Taxis Torre: 653 917 004, Nerja: 952 520 537

Velez Malaga: 653 917 004, Puente Don Manuel: 952 510 992 Mob: 616 034 636.

‘The 'Big Cats' We are a group of Jaguar enthusiasts living in Andalucia. We have a meeting each month for a meal and a good old chat about our cars. Contact Philip Wray on 669 434 457 JEC.CostaDelSol@gmail.com

Join El Valle! El Valle is one of Axarquia’s most successful and longest running social clubs based in Lake Vinuela area. We meet on the first Mon of each month (not Aug) at Punto de Encuentro Asador, Puente don Manuel) At our monthly meetings you can find out about our wide range of activities that range from the cultural and gastronomic to quizzes, games and films. We also organise days out and short trips away. www.el-valleasociacion.com

The Nerja Philosophical Group For info please call Tom Bryson on 699 170 931

Trumps Bridge We are a very friendly international Bridge Club playing Duplicate twice weekly on Monday and Thursday afternoons at 2.45pm. We now play in our new premises at El Zoco, Calle Neptuno, Nerja. We will be starting a beginners' course in the near future and run a Mentor scheme for those wishing to improve their game. Should you require a partner, or wish further information on our Club, visit www.bridgewebs.com/trumpsnerja

The Nerja History Group for anyone interested in Spanish History. We have Lectures and trips each month. Meetings are held at the Nerja Museum, above the underground car park, starting at 11.00am and finish approx. 12.30pm. Please email: nerjahistorygroup@yahoo.com

Phoenix Club We now meet every Tues between 12 and 2pm at Bar La Vega, Avenida Andalucia and is sandwiched between the small Mercadona Supermarket and the Repsol Garage on the way out of Torre towards Malaga. Call Gail 951 067 723 www.phoenixsocialclub.co.uk

Short Mat Bowls is now operating in the hotel Jimesol, C/ Chaparil, Nerja on Mon and Thurs afternoons from 1.45pm to 4.15pm. New members welcome. Contact Marian on 952 523 754 or Malcolm on 952 520 579 for more details. www.shortmatbowlsnerja.com

Golf: TOGS (Torrox Golf Society) If you would like a friendly but competitive game of golf each Sunday morning at Anoreta, then why not join

What’s On

TOGS, possibly the friendliest Society on the Costa. Email: torroxgolfsociety@gmail.com or call Captain: Bob Bennett on 691 571 570

Multi-National Choir has moved! We have relocated to Vélez-Málaga - easier access to people in local communities who want to come and sing with us. Rehearsals Thur, 17:30 – 20:00 in the Casa Hermandad de la Cofradía de los Estudiantes, Plaza de los Sastres, 1, CP 29700 Vélez-Málaga, near San Juan Church and the Language School. Parking nearby at the San Francisco market (1 euro). For info please contact 657 951 755 (English) or 689 111 352 / eucorax@hotmail.es

RBL Benajarafe Branch meet every Fri from 11.30 at the Restaurante Mediterraneo situated on the coast road in Benajarafe. We enjoy bingo, quizzes, various entertainment & monthly outings. We have an excellent weekly lunch & welcome new/existing RBL members. Tel: 653 108 415 benajaraferblspainsouth@gmail.com

Colmenar Social Club is a group whose aim is to promote friendship and assistance to all our members. We meet every Wed from 12.00pm at Arco Del Sol Hotel, Colmenar on A356 KM9. A great venue to enjoy a variety of activities such as wine tasting, talks, cooking demonstrations, monthly lunches, car sharing days out, theatre visits. scs.colmenarsocialclub@gmail.com Tel: Marjorie 608 409 864

RBL - Nerja meets several times a month enjoying lunches in Maro & La Herradura along with a monthly quiz on Torrox Costa. We host many specialised events throughout the year. Everyone is welcome. Booking is essential call: Kim on 711 077 576 or email kim_bowe1@hotmail.com For info visit us on FB page Royal British Legion Nerja or contact our Chairman Eddie on 711 052 499

RBL Riogordo Branch meet the last Thursday of every month from 12.30 at Bar Eusebio's, Paseo de Andalucía, Riogordo 29180. Come along and meet a friendly group of people, and enjoy Bingo, quizzes, raffles. Also outings with one of neighbouring branches. Lunches are available. You do not have to be ex services to be a member. Please tel 633 125 681 or email rbl.riogordo@gmail.com

Chess Club: For details call 658 503 604

Jokes ha ha :)

The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.

**********

Hi mate I don't want you to panic but I'm texting you from casualty.

Turns out the new Dyson Ball cleaner isn't what I thought it was.

**********

What is a calorie?

Calories are the little b******s that get into your wardrobe at night and sew your clothes tighter...

MY CLOSET IS INFESTED WITH THE LITTLE SH**S.

**********

King Charles decided to take up walking every day. At the same street corner he passed a hooker standing there every day. He learned to brace himself as he approached her for what was almost certain to follow.

"One hundred and fifty pounds!" she'd shout. "No! Five pounds!" He said from the side of his mouth, just to shut her up. This ritual between him and the hooker became a daily occurrence. She'd yell, "One hundred and Fifty pounds!" He'd yell back, "Five pounds!"

One day, Camilla decided to accompany her husband. As the couple neared the hooker's corner, Charles realised she'd bark her £150 offer and Camilla would wonder what he'd really been doing on all his past outings.

He figured he'd better have a good explanation for his wife.

As they neared the hooker’s corner he became even more apprehensive than usual. Sure enough, there she stood. He tried to avoid eye contact as she watched the pair pass.

Then, the hooker yelled "See what you get for five pounds, you tight b*****d!"

A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his black Labrador Retriever in the middle seat next to the man. The first man looked very quizzically at the dog and asked why the dog was allowed on the plane. The second man explained that he was from the Police Drugs Enforcement Agency and that the dog was a 'sniffer dog'.

'His name is Sniffer and he's the best there is. I'll show you once we get airborne, when I put him to work.'

The plane took off, and once it has levelled out, the Policeman said, 'Watch this.'

He told Sniffer to 'search'.

Sniffer jumped down, walked along the aisle, and finally sat very purposefully next to a woman for several seconds.

Sniffer then returned to his seat and put one paw on the policeman's arm.

The Policeman said, 'Good boy', and he turned to the man and said, 'That woman is in possession of marijuana, I'm making a note of her seat number and the authorities will apprehend her when we land.

'Gee, that's pretty good,' replied the first man. Once again, the Policeman sent Sniffer to search the aisles. The Lab sniffed about, sat down beside a man for a few seconds, returned to its seat, and this time he placed two paws on the agent's arm.

The Policeman said, 'That man is carrying cocaine, so again, I'm making a note of his seat number for the police.'

'I like it!' said his seat mate.

The Policeman then told Sniffer to 'search' again. Sniffer walked up and down the aisles for a little while, sat down for a moment, and then came racing back to the agent, jumped into the middle seat and proceeded to poo all over the place.

The first man was really disgusted by this behaviour and couldn't figure out how or why a well-trained dog would behave like that, so he asked the Policeman, 'What's going on ?'

The Policeman nervously replied, 'He's just found a bomb.'

www.thesentinella.com

Sally was driving home from one of her business trips, in Northern Arizona, when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.

As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride. With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car.

Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally.

"What in bag?" asked the old woman. Sally looked down at the brown bag and said "It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband."

The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two. Then, speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said "Good trade."

A crusty old golfer comes in from a round of golf at a new course and heads into the grill room. As he passes through the swinging doors he sees a sign hanging over the bar:

COLD BEER: €2.00

HAMBURGER: €2.25

CHEESEBURGER: €2.50

CHICKEN SANDWICH: €3.50

HAND JOB: €50.00

Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary payment, the old golfer walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender who is serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled golfers. She glides down behind the bar to the old golfer.

"Yes?" she inquires with a wide, knowing smile, "May I help you?"

The old golfer leans over the bar and whispers, "I was wondering, young lady," he whispers, "Are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?"

She looks into his eyes with that wide smile and purrs: "Yes Sir, I sure am."

The old golfer leans closer and into her left

Jokes ha ha

ear and says softly, "Well, wash your hands real good, because I want a cheeseburger."

Donald and Daisy Duck were spending the night together in a hotel room and Donald wanted to have sex with Daisy. The first thing Daisy asked was, "Do you have a condom?"

Donald frowned and said, "No." Daisy told Donald that if he didn't get a condom, they could not have sex.

"Maybe they sell them at the front desk," she suggested.

So Donald went down to the lobby and asked the hotel clerk if they had condoms.

"Yes, we do," the clerk said and pulled a box out from under the counter and gave it to Donald.. "Would you like me to put them on your bill?"

"Thit No!" Donald quacked, "I'll thuffocate!"

The other night I was invited out for a night with the 'girls. I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, 'I promise!' Well, the hours passed and the Margaritas went down way too easily.

Around 3am, a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realising my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him.

The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him 'MIDNIGHT'... he didn't seem annoyed in the least. Phew, I got away with that one!

Then he said 'We need a new cuckoo clock.' When I asked him why, he said, 'Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said 'oh s***.' Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.

Puzzle

1. What type of fruit is York Imperial?

2. Georgetown is the capital of which South American country?

3. Which is the driest desert on earth?

4. Which country has the largest coastline?

5. In ‘taking the Chiltern Hundreds’ what employment have you just resigned from?

6. What was the period of industrial unrest during the winter of 1978-9 known as?

7. If you are forced to do something humiliating you are said to eat…. Which bird?

8. If you are given ‘carte blanche’ what restrictions are placed on your actions?

9. Which disgraced celebrity wrote the book ‘As it Happens’?

10.What is the lowest rank of commissioned officer in the Royal Navy?

1. What´s always found on the ground but never gets dirty?

2. A girl has as many brothers as sisters, but each brother has only half as many brothers as sisters. How many brothers and sisters are there in the family?

3. What disappears as soon as you say its name?

4. How can the number four be half of five?

5. A is the brother of B. B is the brother of C. C is the father of D. So how is D related to A?

6. How is seven different from the rest of the numbers between one and ten?

7. A man describes his daughters, saying, “They are all blonde, but two; all brunette but two; and all redheaded but two.” How many daughters does he have?

8. If there are three apples and you take away two, how many apples do you have?

Answers on page 91

Easy Tough Sudokus

Hey Diddle Riddle

Horoscopes

by Juanita Banana of Banana Moon Yoga Therapy, Studio, Travel & Retreats

ARIES: March 21-April 20

Stay in control of decisions and accounts can be easily settled this month with finances becoming stable. Mid-month will be family orientated, tightening links and commitment, especially with children

TAURUS: April 21-May 21

Leave uncertainty behind as you finalise projects and live life as you please, learning to say “no”, and finding a new satisfaction. Support and strength will come from those that are truly your friends and loved ones

GEMINI: May 22-June 21

There are some unexpected changes in your sentimental life. At work you may have to find motivation for extra effort that will pay off by the end of the year. Trust yourself and your intuition

CANCER: June 22-July 22

The first two weeks of November are quiet and uneventful, after which you should be careful to pre-empt circumstances to settle an urgent situation. Set your determination and remain positive

LEO: July 23-August 23

You shine this month Leo, emanating energy and enthusiasm, then resting in calm at the end of the month. November is a good time to collaborate on family projects and activities

VIRGO: August 24-September 22

Your motivation and ambition drives you on. Letting go and changing some habits, you are ready to make sacrifices to reach and surpass your goals. Beware of, and avoid, awkward discussions with friends

LIBRA: September 23 - October 22

During the first half of the month you

remain rigid in habit and reluctant to lower your guard. The second half of November brings optimism and a letting go of tensions, making this a better period in which to make an effort to work with others

SCORPIO: October 23 - November 21 November is a positive month for Scorpio. You are passionate and secretive, rarely revealing your emotions in order to protect yourself. This month, however, you are better able to express your desires thereby gaining momentum in relationships and work

SAGITTARIUS: November 22December 21 Anxiety, nervousness and agitation pervade at the beginning of the month but you find calm in the second week and are able to resolve a situation. During the third week, make the most of opportunities to relax to finally release accumulated pressures

CAPRICORN: December 22 - January 20

Transformation and a new start are necessary for your personal development and November is a great time in which these changes can be smoothly undertaken. Family can be your refuge

AQUARIUS: January 21 - February 19

You sometimes have difficulty suppressing frustration. This month, to remain calm, you should remember the good fortune you have and expel anger and fatigue in sport. Towards the end of November, you find solutions

PISCES: February 20 - March 20

The first week of November finds you stressed and feeling life is dull. By the middle of the month, your mojo returns giving you energy and impetus to carry on with projects and challenges

www.thesentinella.com

Construction - is

have over

of the land

with the

based in

in

for our clients.

its soil types -

posed by

are the best-suited

902

Sentinella Paginas

l

CAR RENTALCAR RENTAL

l

l

l

CHIROPODISTS CHIROPODISTS

COMPUTER SERVICESCOMPUTER SERVICES

CURRENCY

DENTISTRY DENTISTRY

Centro internacional, Blq. 86, Torrox Costa. Call: 952 53 09 08

lClinica

info@clinicaeuropa.eu

ELECTRICIANS ELECTRICIANS

To

sales@thesentinella.com

Sentinella Paginas

lBuy A Home Spain Calle Pintor Cipriano Maldonado 7A, Edificio Salares, 29740, Torre del Mar. (Opposite

680

547 554

lAndalucia Real Estate (Belgian management)- sales and renovations since 2005 –Axarquia area – Dutch/Belgian/English market. Av. De Los Cipreses 16, Frigiliana. 0034-952 53 44 81 or 0034-666 82 17 96 info@andaluciarealestate.eu www.andaluciarealestate.eu

lAndalucia4you.net Advice on the entire buying-selling process including property management and reforms. Avda. Andalucia 125, Caleta de Velez. Call: 952 72 08 32 or whatsapp 634 35 70 26 Email: contact@andalucia4you.net www.andalucia4you.net

lImmotions Real Estate, selling to Belgian, Dutch, English, Spanish & Scandinavian clients. We offer; one go-to person, renovation guidance, after-sales service and much more! Call +34/654 899 531 or +34/656 823 048 Website: immotionsrealestate.com E-mail: info@immotionsrealestate.com

lBluCee Inmobiliaria / Real EstateBespoke service by dedicated team covering Málaga, Axarquia and Costa Tropical. Sales. We are listing specialists. www.blucee.com info@blucee.com Tel: 0034 711 042 727

lUnspoilt Andalusia, Established 2002, selling country and village properties. Our aim has always been to make any sales or purchase experience easy, helping our clients along after completion! Offices just off the main A356 road in Trapiche village. www.unspoiltandalusia.com Email: unspoiltandalusia@gmail.com Tel/WhatsApp: +34 606010580

lCountry Properties 29754 Competa - Málaga Plaza Almijara, 21 & Avd. Constitución, 33 Tel.: +34 952 51

78 29770 Torrox - Málaga Calle Elisa Ortigosa, 7 Tel.: +34 952

91 25 29740 Torre del Mar Málaga Avda. Andalucia, 32B Tel.: +34 952 54

lVillaSolutions Real Estate Agency: As seen on Ch4: A Place in the Sun, a family run business since 2002. Many EXCLUSIVES, view videos on every property. Head office: C/Puente de Don Manuel, 8, Local D, 29713 ALCAUCIN, Malaga. Call/WhatsApp Tim: +34 696522171 Email: tim@villasolutions.net Web: www.villasolutions.net

EST AGENTS/PROPERTY RENTALSEST AGENTS/PROPERTY RENTALS

lSpanish Management Vinuela (next to the Farmacia) Sales, Rentals, Management, Holidays.

advice with 17 years

in Spain. Tel 666 135 516 / 618 940 829 Email: spanishmanagement1@gmail.com Web: www.spanishmanagement.com

lBuy A Home Spain C/ Pintor Cipriano Maldonado 7A, Edificio Salares, 29740, Torre del Mar Call: 952 547 554 or 680 210 414. Email: info@buyahomespain.com Website: www.buyahomespain.com

FINANCIAL SERVICESFINANCIAL SERVICES

lSpectrum IFA Group, Specialist Financial Advice to Expatriates across Europe. Our expertise covers Retirement & Pension Planning including QROPS, Life Assurance, Efficient Investing (using Insurance wrappers), Succession & Inheritance Tax Planning, Currency Exchange & much more. Contact Antony on 0034 639 418 017

FISH & CHIPSFISH & CHIPS

lThe Town Frier at The Belvedere. All Your Chippy Favourites. Fish & Chips, Kebabs, Pies... All freshly cooked. Eat-in or takeaway. Please call or Whatsapp: 608 531 601 or 610 100 908. Avienda de Colon, No. 1 Torre del Mar.

FUNERAL DIRECTORSFUNERAL DIRECTORS

Parlour. Funeral

81,

lLa Esperanza

with their own funeral parlours

more than 50

in the Malaga province. Telephone 952

a day

days a year (in case

FURNITURE FURNITURE

lCudeca Hospice

Infante

Edf.

Torre del Mar

Tel: 663 083 273

Mon- Fri 17:00

Almirante Carranza

20.00.

Tel: 663 083

Sentinella Paginas

GARDENING GARDENING

lRed Palm Beetles, Wasps, Ants, Woodlice, Mice, Rats and all pests. Processionary Moths. Call us for treatment and disposal of these garden problems. Tel: 634 431 099

lAxarquia Gardening Garden

Contact us on: 644

GARDEN FURNITUREGARDEN FURNITURE

lDe Tropen - Specialist in garden furniture, 13.000m2, all models in stock. www.detropen.es Location: Autovía del Mediterraneo A-7 (Exit 953), 29700 Velez Malaga, Entrance behind Repsol gas station. Tel. 680 480 276

SALONSHAIR

lErica Villegas Stylists Specialists in hair colour, balayage, weddings, Botox hair treatment, protein and keratin. C/ Cristo 10, Nerja. (Post Office street, down side in front of Coviran supermarket) Call 952 523 966/610 876 127

HEATING HEATING

lRedwell® – the leading brand in Infrared Heating Systems. White panels and designs like mirrors, pictures, glass etc. Low consumption, low running time due to partial storage material inside. Prevents damp. Contact/showroom: Avda. El Faro, Bl. 75, bajo 9, Torrox Costa, call 952 539 742, sscharler@gmx.de, www.redwell.com

INSURANCE INSURANCE

l

www.gpsinsuranceservices.com email: admin@gpsinsuranceservices.com Tel/Whatsapp: 711

lLinea Directa, Car insurance starts from 194€. Best prices and best cover. Car, motorcycle, home and vehicle fleet insurance. Call: 952 147 834 www.lineadirecta.com

lLiberty Seguros The Expats No. 1 choice for insurances. Avda. Andalucia, 61 Blq 1, Local E, Torre del Mar. Call: 951 552 085 / 617 967 668 Email: libertyexpatsmalaga@gmail.com FB: Liberty Seguros Expats Malaga

LANGUAGES LANGUAGES

lLanguage Classes Online. Learn

online or in presence! We speak

and Italian. All levels catered for.

lessons available. www.languagesclassonline.com Email: team@languagesclassonline FB: @languageclassesonline Tel: 648 69 77 96

lInlingua: Spanish classes for non-Spanish speakers in Velez Malaga. Certified bilingual teachers. Dynamic methodologies adapted for all levels. Also in English, French and German. Online or face-to-face sessions. Call: 952 55 85 24 / 626 21 91 68 FB:@delibesformacion Email: info@inlinguavelezmalaga.com

lTrilingo Idiomas is a British run language academy based in Velez-Malaga offering English and Spanish to Expats, from beginners to advanced – call Mark or Donna on: 951 768 175 / 679 792 329

LAWYERS LAWYERS

lCS Abogados, Spanish solicitors, specialists in property law. English Spoken. Torrox Costa, 952 697 004 Urb. Costa del Oro local 8, (in front of Mercadona). Torre del Mar, 951 832 130 Calle Rioja, 69, Edificio Salares, local A. (Near the Bus Station). Free initial consultation, Email: info@cslawyers.es / www.cslawyers.es

l De Cotta Law Spanish Abogados & English Lawyers. Consultations and advice on all legal matters, including Visas and Wills. Conveyancing specialists. www.decottalaw.com. Call us on 952 527 014 or email info@decottalaw.net

MAN & VANMAN & VAN

lMan & Van Transport, Clearances, 15€ p/hour and 0.25c per KM. Extra man 10€ p/hour. Call Jan 643 623 684

METALWORK METALWORK

lMetalwork made to measure - Gates, Doors, Rejas. M.O.T. welding and on-site repairs. All areas. Also building work. All work guaranteed. Andy: 676 719 066 Email: sainbena@hotmail.com

lThe Studio Izzi & Capelli Paseo Maritimo de Poniente 17, Torre del Mar, (Close to the Lighthouse & Tennis courts) Call: 952 965 646 or 608 782 348