� Last Laugh�
How To Spot The Hypo(crite)
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By Brandon Goldstein
rowing up my mother, my grandmothers, my aunts and my teachers, as well as every other figure who took on an adult role in my life would repeat the cliche phrase, “actions speak louder than words.” At a time where you rarely see people’s actions, and thanks to social media, more often than not hear too many of their words, it’s become much more difficult to spot the hypo(crite). We are here to help. First, let’s address the elephant, scratch that, hippo in the room. Hippos are both famously adorable and infamously predatory in their environments. They are one of the largest causes of animal-related deaths in Africa, as well. Not crocodiles; not lions… the hippo. Part of that reason might be because of our early biology classes. Nobody ever told us hippos were mean. Did they tell you that? I knew they were hungry; I knew they were chubsters; but mean? No way! Well, it turns out that hippos and their human counterpart, hypos, are quite similar. Let’s dive in! Surely, this past year you’ve at least once rolled your eyes incredibly hard at someone’s social media post. Whether it was a family member whose political views you disagreed with, a family friend whose COVID beliefs you disagreed with or just one of those people you came across who knows everything thanks to some obscure news source they hadn’t heard of prior, you’ve run into a hypo. But how do you spot a hypo? Well, it’s easier than you might think. Let’s just take the rollout of the COVID vaccines as our example. There are those who disregarded the severity of the virus from its earliest days. They won’t wear a mask,
because they’re too tough. They take the word of literal witch doctors over medical professionals, and nothing stopped them from going out, traveling and living their life free. After all, this is ‘Merica! Sure, as the rollout of the vaccines began everyone was (and still is) scrambling to get a shot. Well, not everyone. These are the non-hypos. True to their word, they hate everything about the virus, but they also hate everything about the vaccine. They’ll sit this shot in the arm out. But then, in plain sight, walk in the hypos. They argued on social media about how stupid the virus is; how it was less deadly than a meager cold; how the enemy is the media and there really is no virus. Then, they get the vaccine. These hypos, hiding in their water, spewing their bullshit on their social pages day in and day out, acting like a tough guy. Then, vaccine roll out. Quiet. No more posts. No more tough guy. In fact, the second they became eligible for the vaccine, they were first on line. Shot in arm, protected from the measly virus so many would do anything to get a vaccine for. That’s the biggest, ugliest, worst kind of human. That is a HYPO. Our beautiful world deserves better than these awful, two-faced creatures. Actions do speak louder than words. This isn’t a safari. This is real life. We can be better. ■ 98
